Captioning sponsored by CBS
>> AN HISTORIC HEAT WAVE IS BAKING THE NORTHWEST OF THIS COUNTRY.
>> THE MAJORITY OF THE PEOPLE IN
SEATTLE, PACIFIC NORTHWEST, DO
NOT HAVE AIR CONDITIONING OR
EVEN AN ATTIC FAN TO CIRCULATE
THE AIR.
TEMPERATURES INSIDE HOMES WENT
UP TO 125 AND 130 DEGREES.
>> THE LEGENDARY SITCOM
"FRASIER" IS GETTING A REBOOT.
THE PARAMOUNT+ STREAMING
SERVICE, A DIVISION OF
ViacomCBS, ANNOUNCED THAT IT IS
REVIVING THE SHOW.
♪♪
( LAUGHTER )
♪♪
( PHONE RINGING )
>> THE "DR. FRASIER CRANE SHOW."
LEAVE A MESSAGE.
>> I'M MELTING!
MELTING!
♪♪
♪ HEY BABY, I FEEL THE TEMPS
A-RISIN' ♪
♪ HOT SALAD AND SCRAMBLED
BRAINS ♪
>> PARAMOUNT+.
WHOOPS, WE KILLED KELSEY!
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! TONIGHT, HELTER SWELTER.
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES SECRETARY
PETE BUTTIGIEG.
KATJA HERBERS, FEATURING JON
BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN."
NOW LIVE ON TAPE IN THE ED
SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪
>> Stephen: HEY!
( AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN" )
>> Stephen: THAT'S ALL YOU CAN
ASK FOR!
PLEASE, EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HAVE A SEAT, MY FRIENDS.
WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE
SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
OH...
TONIGHT, WE'VE GOT A HOT CROWD,
JON.
>> Jon: OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A HOT
CROWD!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: YEAH, BABY.
>> Stephen: BOTH IN
TEMPERAMENT AND TEMPERATURE
BECAUSE WE'VE GOT A HEAT WAVE
HERE IN NEW YORK CITY, AND IT'S
GOING TO BE A SCORCHER ALL WEEK
WITH TEMPERATURES IN THE LOW
90s THAT COULD FEEL AS LOT AS
105 BECAUSE OF THE HUMIDITY.
WHY IS IN TOWN SQUARE THE WAX
MSEUM IS OPENING THEIR NEW
EXHIBITION OF CELEBRITY PUDDLES!
( APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: SURE, THEY ALL MELTED.
>> Stephen: BUT AS HOT AS IT
IS HERE ON THE EAST COAST,
NOTHING COMPARED TO THE
RECORD-SETTING HEAT WAVE THAT
HAS ENGULFED THE PACIFIC
NORTHWEST.
IT'S SO BAD IN SEATTLE,
EVERYBODY SEES DOWN TO THEIR
FLANNEL SPEEDOS.
( LAUGHTER )
HOW HOT WAS IT?
110 DEGREES?
EUGENE, OREGON, WHERE U.S.
OLYMPIC TRACK AND FIELD TRIALS
WERE BEING HELD.
WE HAVE SOME FOOTAGE.
>> HOT, HOT, HOT.
, HOT!
OH, MY FEET!
HOT!
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: SPEAKING OF HOT
AIR, OVER THE WEEKEND, FORMER
PRESIDENT JABBA THE GUT WENT TO
WELLINGTON, OHIO --
( CHEERING )
-- TO HOLD HIS FIRST RALLY SINCE
THE JANUARY 6th INSURRECTION
P. WHY IS HE ALLOWED TO HAVE
RALLIES AFTER THAT?
AFTER THE ASSASSINATION, JOHN
WILKES BOOTH WASN'T WELL TO
BROADWAY
PERFORMANCE OF "I SHOT LINCOLN:
THE MUSICAL."
IT'S SIC SEMPER FANTASTIC!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WITH NEARLY SIX MONTHS TO
PREPARE, THE FORMER PRESIDENT
HAD PLENTY OF TIME TO WORK ON
FRESH MATERIAL.
LET'S GO TO THE NEW CLIPS!
>> WHAT HAPPENED IN THE
ELECTION, IT'S A DISGRACE.
>> STEPHEN: OKAY, I'VE HEARD
THAT ONE.
ANYTHING NEW?
MAYBE LOOKING FORWARD TO THE
FUTURE?
>> YOU HAVE TO LOOK BACK.
WE WON THE ELECTION IN 2020.
>> STEPHEN: NO, YOU DIDN'T.
THAT'S WHY YOU FLEW TO OHIO
ON AIR FORCE "ONE BAG OF
PRETZELS" PER PASSENGER
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SERIOUSLY, MOVE ON.
I DON'T KNOW...
MAYBE SOMETHING ABOUT OUR
NATION'S RECOVERY FROM THE
PANDEMIC?
>> THEY USED COVID IN ORDER TO
RIG THE ELECTION AND IN ORDER TO
STEAL THE ELECTION.
>> STEPHEN: YEAH, YEAH.
( BOOING )
EVERYONE IS SO MEAN TO YOU.
AT LEAST YOU'RE NOT TALKING
ABOUT THAT GUY WHO CRIES EVERY
TIME HE SEES YOU.
>> THERE WERE TEARS IN HIS EYES.
THIS GUY HAS NOT CRIED IN A VERY
LONG TIME, JUST IN MEETING ME
BECAUSE I REPRESENT WHAT THEY
WANT.
>> Stephen: OKAY, I SPOKE TOO
SOON.
THIS REALLY SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE
JUST READING A SPEECH FROM LAST
SUMMER.
>> HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE ACTUALLY
WORKS.
>> STEPHEN: NO ONE CARES ABOUT
THAT NOW!
WE HAVE A VACCINE!
I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYTHING MORE
TIRED THAN THE COVID DRUG FROM
12 MONTHS AGO.
>> YOU KNEW DAMN WELL I WAS A
SNAKE BEFORE YOU TOOK ME IN.
>> STEPHEN: WOOO!
WOOO!
I DO DECLARE!
THIS LIGHTER DOES NOT INDICATE
THAT I'M EXCITED!
YOU'RE JUST SO BORING, I'M
CONSIDERING SETTING MYSELF ON
FIRE!
( LAUGHTER )
MR. NOT-PRESIDENT, DO YOU HAVE
ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL, TO
SAY ABOUT THE STATE OF THE
COUNTRY RIGHT NOW?
>> IT IS WINDY AS HELL UP HERE.
( LAUGHTER )
>> STEPHEN: I'M NOT SURPRISED,
BECAUSE THIS SPEECH BLOWS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, CITIZENS.
THANK YOU.
BUT HE DID DELIGHT THE CROWD
WITH ONE OF HIS PATENTED "I
SMELL TOAST" MOMENTS.
>> AMERICA IS STILL THE NATION
THAT CONQUERED THE WILD WEST,
THAT VANQUISHED THE MURDEROUS
DICTATORS, THAT ENDED THE EVIL
EMPIRES, AND THAT SENT A BRAVE
YOUNG MAN FROM OHIO TO A PLANT.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: REALLY?
TO A PLANT.
YES, HE WAS A BRAVE, YOUNG MAN
FROM OHIO NAMED JACK.
AND THE NATION SENT HIM TO CLIMB
THAT BEANSTALK WHERE HE
SKYROCKETED TO FEE-FI-FO-FAME!
( LAUGHTER )
HE CONTINUED FUMBLING, FLAILING,
AND FAILING TO REMEMBER THE NAME
OF THE FIRST MAN ON THE MOON.
>> YOU KNOW WHO THE MAN I AM
TALKING ABOUT IS?
WHO AM I TALKING ABOUT?
DO YOU KNOW WHO IT IS?
THE STARS AND STRIPES ON THE
FACE OF THE MOON?
YOU KNOW WHO THE MAN IS, RIGHT?
>> STEPHEN: HE'S TRYING TO TALK
ABOUT NEIL ARMSTRONG, BUT HE
SAID "PLANT," WHEN HE MEANT
"PLANET," WHICH IS NOT WHERE
NEIL ARMSTRONG WENT.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
THAT'S LIKE TRYING TO DESCRIBE
GEORGE WASHINGTON BY SAYING "YOU
KNOW WHO I MEAN, THE GUY WITH
THE MONEY AND THE TEETH MADE
OUT OF A CHEERY TREE WITH THE
PAINTING OF HIM CROSSING THE
DELI MEATS."
( LAUGHTER )
THEN HE HAD MORE TROUBLE WITH
THE WORDS.
>> IF YOU CARE ABOUT LAW AND
AUTO.
>> Stephen: YES.
( LAUGHTER )
WE ALL REMEMBER
THE SPIN OFF, "LAW AND
AUTO."
>> IN THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE
SYSTEM, THE PEOPLE ARE
REPRESENTED BY TWO SEPARATE YET
EQUALLY IMPORTANT GROUPS:
THE POLICE, WHO INVESTIGATE
CRIME, AND--
THE CAR, WHICH DRIVES THEM TO
THE CRIME.
( CAR HORN )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: YOU KNOW THEIR
MOTTO: "PROTECT AND SWERVE."
( LAUGHTER )
THE SAD THING IS, THE PEOPLE AT
THAT RALLY BELIEVE THE OLD GUY'S
ELECTION LIES.
YOU KNOW WHO DOESN'T?
PEOPLE WHO KNOW THINGS.
LIKE DISGRACED ATTORNEY GENERAL
AND DINNER GUEST LOOKING FOR A
SNEAKY WAY TO SPIT OUT THE TUNA
SURPRISE, BILL BARR.
BARR SAT DOWN FOR AN INTERVIEW
WITH JONATHAN KARL AND EXPLAINED
THAT, WHEN IT CAME TO ELECTION
FRAUD, BARR ALWAYS THOUGHT
"IT WAS ALL (BLEEP)."
AND BILL BARR SHOULD KNOW, HE
SPENT THE LAST TWO YEARS WITH
HIS LIPS VERY CLOSE TO THAT
BULL'S ASS.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
BARR SAID THAT HE WAS URGED TO
SPEAK OUT BY SENATE MINORITY
LEADER AND LITTLE BOY WHO WILL
NOT OPEN HIS MOUTH FOR THE
AIRPLANE, MITCH MCCONNELL.
MCCONNELL WOULD HAVE SPOKEN THE
TRUTH HIMSELF LAST DECEMBER, BUT
HE NEEDED THE
FORMER PRESIDENT'S HELP TO
ENSURE THAT THE G.O.P. WON THE
TWO RUNOFF ELECTIONS IN GEORGIA.
WHICH THEY LOST.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IN THE END, MITCH McCONNELL
SOLD HIS SOUL FOR NOTHING.
SO, A PRETTY FAIR PRICE.
( LAUGHTER )
AMERICA'S MOVED ON.
WE'VE GOT A SHINY NEW PRESIDENT,
WHO MIGHT BE BUILDING SOME
SHINY, NEW ROADS.
BECAUSE LAST WEEK, JOE BIDEN
REACHED A DEAL WITH A BIPARTISAN
GROUP OF SENATORS ON A $974
BILLION INFRASTRUCTURE PROPOSAL.
THEIR PREVIOUS DISAGREEMENTS ARE
NOW WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE.
OR TECHNICALLY OVER THE BRIDGE,
'CAUSE THE BRIDGES ARE FALLING
DOWN.
NOW THAT THEY'VE REACHED A DEAL,
THOSE BIPARTISAN SENATORS HAVE
TO GET THEIR COLLEAGUES TO SIGN
ON, AND ONE REPUBLICAN DOING THE
CONVINCING IS LOUISIANA SENATOR
AND MAN SAYING "WOAH, WOAH,
WOAH, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING
ABOUT BOAT SHOES," BILL CASSIDY.
( LAUGHTER )
YESTERDAY, CASSIDY TALKED ABOUT
HIS WIFE, AND USED HER TO
EXPLAIN THAT EVERYONE SHOULD
BACK THE BILL BECAUSE ROADS AND
BRIDGES ARE A "WOMAN'S PROBLEM."
( AUDIENCE REACTS )
( BOOING )
CASSIDY'S RIGHT.
HENCE THE FAMOUS ENDING OF
"THELMA AND LOUISE."
>> OH, NO, THEY NEVER FINISHED
THE BRIDGE!
♪♪
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: SO SAD.
SO SAD.
( APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN IT
TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: BILL CASSIDY MADE
THE
OBSERVATION THIS SUNDAY ON
THE MEET PRESS:
>> OFTENTIMES IT IS THE WOMEN,
ASIDE FROM COMMUTING TO WORK,
WHO'S ALSO TAKING CHILDREN TO
SCHOOL OR DOING THE SHOPPING.
AND THE MORE TIME SHE SPENDS ON
THAT ROAD, THE LESS TIME SHE
SPENDS DOING THINGS OF HIGHER
VALUE.
SO, IF YOU SPEAK TO HER, SHE'S
GOING TO SAY THIS IS A GOOD
BILL.
>> STEPHEN: (AS CASSIDY)
"THEN SHE'LL CLARIFY: I MEAN THE
INFRASTRUCTURE BILL.
NOT MY HUSBAND BILL.
HAVE YOU HEARD THE CRAP HE SAYS
ABOUT WOMEN?"
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
NOW, ACROSS THE POND, THE TOUR
DE FRANCE STARTED ON SATURDAY,
AND FOR SOME CYCLISTS, ALSO
ENDED ON SATURDAY.
BECAUSE THERE WAS A MASSIVE
CRASH DURING THE FIRST STAGE OF
THE RACE.
FIRST, LET ME JUST SAY THAT
EVERYONE'S GONNA BE OKAY.
SECOND, HOLY CRAP:
OKAY, THERE'S THE PACK, OH, MY
GOD, AND DOWN GOES FRENCHY!
SEE?
THAT'S WHY I DON'T RIDE MY BIKE
ON THE ROAD.
I BOUGHT A PELOTON.
WHICH I ALSO DON'T RIDE.
THE WORST PART IS WHAT CAUSED
THE CRASH: A FAN TRYING TO GET
ON CAMERA.
TO GET OUT THE VITAL MESSAGE:
"ALLEZ OMI OPI," WHICH IS
EUROPEAN FOR "GO GRANDMA AND
GRAMPA!"
VERY SIMILAR TO THE TRAGIC
ACCIDENT THAT SANK THE TITANIC.
( LAUGHTER )
AUTHORITIES ARE STILL LOOKING
FOR THE SPECTATOR, AND TOUR DE
FRANCE ORGANIZERS SAY--
(FRENCH ACCENT)
"WE ARE SUING THIS WOMAN WHO
BEHAVED SO BADLY."
"SHE DISGUSTS ME, HER RACE
ETIQUETTE IS DEPLORAB', YOU'RE
NOT SUPPOSED TO BLOCK THE
CYCLISTS.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HAND THEM
REFRESHING CUPS OF BORDEAUX, A
LIT CIGARETTE, AND OFFER A
THREE-WAY IN THE BUSHES!"
( LAUGHTER )
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS TRANSPORTATION
SECRETARY, MAYOR PETE BUTTIGIEG.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK
"MEANWHILE!"
STICK AROUND.
♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!
GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND
"STAY HUMAN"!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: JON, YOU AND THAT
BAND ARE THE GREATEST
ANTI-DEPERESSENT I KNOW.
YOU CANNOT BE DOWN LISTENING TO
Y'ALL PLAYING!
>> Jon: YOU'VE GOT TO FEEL
GOOD!
>> Stephen: YOU GUYS OUGHT TO
BE BOTTLED.
>> Jon: YOU GOT TO FEEL GOOD
IN THIS LIFE, BABY!
LET'S GO!
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, I SPEND
A LOT OF TIME
SHUCKING FOR YOU THE DAY'S MOST
TOPICAL CLAMS, BONING THE
FINEST, MOST CURRENT NEWS
CHICKENS, AND COLLECTING THE
HIGHEST QUALITY STORY SHRIMP
AND SAFFRON RICE, THEN GENTLY
SIMMERING IT ALL IN A CAST-IRON
COMEDY PAI-YERA, TO CREATE
THE FRAGRANT SEAFOOD PAELLA THAT
IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, I
SHAMBLE DOWN TO THE DOCKS WITH A
RUSTY CROWBAR, MANEUVER THROUGH
THE POLLUTED CANAL USING A
MCDONALD'S STRAW AS A SNORKEL,
AND SCRAPE THE BARNACLES OFF A
PASSING GARBAGE SCOW, TOSS 'EM
IN A POT WITH SOME HALF-USED
RAMEN FLAVOR PACKETS AND
MOUNTAIN DEW, TO BREW FOR YOU
THE CHUNKY STEW OF NEWS THAT IS
MY SEGMENT:
"MEANWHILE!"
♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LOOK AT THAT.
WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT!
MEANWHILE, NEW YORK CITY IS BACK, BABY! ON SATURDAY, "SPRINGSTEEN ON
BROADWAY" BECAME THE FIRST
FULL-LENGTH SHOW TO TAKE THE
STAGE SINCE THE COVID-19
PANDEMIC SHUT IT ALL DOWN!
YES, HOP ON A DOWNBOUND TRAIN TO
THE LAND OF HOPES AND DREAMS
BECAUSE THE BOSS IS ON FIRE AND
HAS A HUNGRY HEART TO RETURN TO
HIS GLORY DAYS IN A SHOW THAT
WAS BORN TO RUN.
NEBRASKA!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF )
>> Stephen: SLIGHTLY
SUSPICIOUS, THOUGH,
THAT BRUCE IS DOING THIS JUST
WEEKS AFTER "THE LATE SHOW."
AND A TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO
BROADWAY WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST
IDEA BRUCE STOLE FROM ME.
BACK IN THE DAY, HE ALSO RIPPED
OFF MY SIGNATURE LOOK.
( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, IN LIGHTER NEWS, A
NEW STUDY HAS FOUND THAT THE
AGING PROCESS IS UNSTOPPABLE.
YES.
I AM AWARE.
ACCORDING TO THE STUDY, DESPITE
ALL OUR RESEARCH INTO GENOMICS
AND A.I., HUMANS CANNOT SLOW THE
RATE AT WHICH THEY GET OLDER
BECAUSE OF BIOLOGICAL
CONSTRAINTS.
THEN, FOR GOD'S SAKE, SOMEONE
TELL THAT TO PAUL RUDD!
THAT'S 52?
I WILL CAPTURE YOU AND STEAL
YOUR MAGIC BEANS, YOU WARLOCK!
( APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, MICROSOFT ANNOUNCED
THEY WILL RELEASE THE XBOX
SERIES X MINI FRIDGE THIS
HOLIDAY SEASON.
WHAT DO THOSE WORDS MEAN
( LAUGHTER )
APPARENTLY, THEY MEAN THIS:
( ACTION MUSIC )
HOPEFULLY, THIS WILL BE A MORE SUCCESSFUL GAMING-PLATFORM-SLASH-HOUSEHOLD-
APPLIANCE
CROSSOVER THAN THE OCCULUS
TOASTER.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
THAT WAS PAINFUL.
SLIGHTLY PAINFUL.
>> Jon: THEY COME OUT SO
CRISPY!
>> Stephen: MEANWHILE,
CONGRATULATIONS TO
GIANT PANDAS RI RI AND SHIN
SHIN, WHO JUST GAVE BIRTH TO
TWIN CUBS AT A TOKYO ZOO.
MAZEL TOV TO THE NEW MOTHER!
IF YOU WANT TO GET THEM A GIFT,
THE PANDAS ARE REGISTERED AT
BED, BATH AND BAMBOO.
( LAUGHTER )
PANDA BOINKING IS RARE.
IN FACT, THE COITUS THAT LED TO
THESE TWINS WAS THE FIRST AFTER
A FOUR-YEAR HIATUS.
COME ON, MAKES SENSE.
I KNOW I HAVE A HARD TIME
PERFORMING WHEN A THIRD GRADE
FIELD TRIP IS WATCHING ME
THROUGH PLEXIGLASS.
( LAUGHTER )
( PIANO RIFF )
( APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, "THE U.K. WILL BAN
JUNK FOOD ADVERTISING ONLINE AND
BEFORE 9:00 P.M. ON TV STARTING
IN 2023."
OH, NO!
NOW HOW WILL THE ENGLISH LEARN
ABOUT BRITISH SNACKS LIKE
RASPBERRY BLIMEYS; MALT VINEGAR
FANNY PRATS; TANGERINE JAMMY
NANS: CHOCOLATE COBBLY WOBBLES;
LEMON CHEEKIES; JELLIED WONKY
DIMPLES; SLIPPERY GINGER
KNACKERS; SOUR BOGGY SHAMBLES;
MARZIPAN CHUMBLEY WUMBLES; AND
PEPPERMINT STICKY CHAVVY KNOBS?
( LAUGHTER )
I ASSUME I MADE UP SOME OF
THOSE.
( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, "THE GUARDIAN"
RECENTLY ASKED "IS CARA
DELEVINGNE'S VAGINA TUNNEL THE
START OF SOMETHING BIG?"
I DUNNO.
( LAUGHTER )
BUT IT'S THE START OF ME ASKING
"WHAT IS CARA DELEVINGNE'S
VAGINA TUNNEL?"
TURNS OUT, DELEVINGNE JUST GAVE
A TOUR OF HER L.A. HOME TO
"ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST" WHERE SHE
HIGHLIGHTED A UNIQUE FEATURE.
>> SO, THIS IS MY VAGINA TUNNEL.
SHALL I GO THROUGH?
I'M GOING TO GO THROUGH.
OH, GOD.
AND THEN YOU'RE INSIDE.
DO YOU WANT TO COME IN, ALFIE?
COME ON, BABY.
I COME IN HERE TO THINK.
I COME IN HERE TO CREATE.
I FEEL INSPIRED IN THE VAGINA
TUNNEL.
>> STEPHEN: MUST BE NICE TO HAVE
ENOUGH SPACE FOR YOUR OWN VAGINA
TUNNEL.
( LAUGHTER )
( PIANO RIFF )
CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF THE PHOTO.
( LAUGHTER )
CAUGHT ME BY SURPRISE.
IN NEW YORK, YOU'RE LUCKY IF
THERE'S A SHARED VAGINA TUNNEL
FOR THE WHOLE BUILDING.
OF COURSE, IT'S NOT REALLY A
TUNNEL UNLESS IT LEADS
SOMEWHERE, WHICH IT DOES!
TAKE A LOOK.
>> SO, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU
WHERE THIS LOVELY LABIA LEADS.
SEE YOU THERE.
OH, GOD, LEO.
WATCH OUT.
♪♪
OH, MY GOSH.
>> STEPHEN: THE EXIT IS A DRYER
DOOR!
PRO TIP: ALWAYS CLEAN OUT YOUR
VAGINA TUNNEL'S LINT TRAP.
IT'S A REAL FIRE HAZARD.
( LAUGHTER )
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY, MAYOR
PETE BUTTIGIEG.
♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, JOINING ME
TONIGHT IS THE
POLITICIAN FORMERLY KNOWN AS
MAYOR PETE, WHO NOW LEADS THE
DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE
SHOW," SECRETARY PETER
BUTTIGIEG.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH. >> Stephen: IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN!
>> IT'S NICE TO BE BACK.
>> Stephen: WE HAD A FEW
CHANCES TO TALK OVER THE
CAMPAIGN 2020.
HAVE YOU BEEN IN FRONT OF A
CROWD LIKE THIS SINCE COVID
OPENED?
>> NO, NOT IN A YEAR AND A HALF.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WELL, THERE'S NO
BETTER CROWD.
THERE'S NO BETTER CROWD.
NOW, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU
AND I HAVE SPOKEN SINCE YOU'VE
JOINED THE CABINET.
IS IT SECRETARY MAYOR PETE -- I
CALLED YOU SECRETARY PETER
BUTTIGIEG.
ARE YOU GOING WITH THE HARD R ON
THE END NOW THAT YOU'RE ONE OF
THE MOVERS AND SHAKERS?
>> I'M NOT THAT FANCY.
I THINK I'LL STICK WITH PEETE.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE THE FIRST
OPENLY GAY MEMBER OF A CABINET
IN THE UNITED STATES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU SPOKE AT A WHITE HOUSE PRIDE
MONTH EVENT, AND I'M JUST
CURIOUS, WHAT WAS THE MESSAGE
THAT YOU WANTED TO CONVEY TO THE
PEOPLE THERE WHO WERE LISTENING,
AND WHAT DO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO
UNDERSTAND ABOUT WHAT THIS
MILESTONE MEANS?
>> WELL, THE BIGGEST THING WAS
JUST TO THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH HAS
CHANGED AND HOW MUCH CHANGE IS
POSSIBLE, AND IT'S NOT JUST -- I
MEAN, CERTAINLY BEING THE FIRST
OUT MEMBER CABINET CONFIRMED BY
THE SENATE, I SHOULD SAY, TO BE
HISTORICALLY ACCURATE.
BUT IT WASN'T THAT LONG AGO, IN
THE '50s THERE WAS THE
LAVENDER SCARE.
YOU COULDN'T EVEN BE A
BOOKKEEPER OR ASTRONOMER IN THE
GOVERNMENT WITHOUT YOUR JOB
BEING AT RISK IF YOU WERE GAY.
SO I WANTED TO CONVEY A SENSE OF
HOW MUCH HAS CHANGED IN A SHORT
AMOUNT OF TIME BUT ALSO HOW FAR
WE HAVE TO GO.
AS WE SPEAK IN STATES AROUND THE
COUNTRY, THERE ARE POLITICIANS
WHO DECIDED IT'S GOOD POLITICS
TO ATTACK TRANSGENDER KIDS, SOME
OF THE MOST VULNERABLE PEOPLE IN
OUR SOCIETY.
HIGH SCHOOL IS TERRIFYING WHEN
YOU'RE NOT TRANSGENDER.
AND THESE KIDS HAVE THE COURAGE
TO BE WHO THEY ARE AND THEY WANT
TO BE ACCEPTED AND GO THE
BATHROOM AND PLAY SPORTS LIKE
EVERYBODY ELSE AND LIVE.
THE REALLY DANGEROUS THING IS IF
YOU HAVE PEOPLE IN POSITIONS OF
RESPONSIBILITY GOING AROUND
WHOSE POSITION BASICALLY IS THAT
TRANSGENDER PEOPLE DON'T EXIST,
SOME YOUNG PEOPLE WILL HEAR THAT
MESSAGE AS ONE THAT TRANSGENDER
PEOPLE SHOULDN'T EXIST AND SOME
WILL BELIEVE IT.
>> Stephen: I HADN'T HEARD
THAT ARGUMENT, THERE'S NO SUCH
THING AT TRANSGENDER --
>> IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THAT'S
WHAT THEIR ARGUMENT BOILS DOWN
TO, RIGHT, THAT THEY'RE JUST
KIND OF WRONG SOMEHOW.
BUT WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT IS
SOMEONE'S ABILITY TO LIVE AND TO
LIVE WELL, AND THAT'S ONE OF THE
BASIC THINGS POLITICIANS ARE IN
CHARGE OF SECURING, NOT
THREATENING.
SO I HOPE THAT IT WILL PROVE TO
BE NOT GOOD POLITICS TO PICK ON
TRANSGENDER KIDS, WHEN THESE
POLITICAL ATTACKS AND TERRIBLE
LAWS GET BEATEN BACK.
SO THAT WAS THE OTHER PART OF MY
MESSAGE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: IT'S UP TO THE
VOTERS TO THINK ABOUT THESE
DECISIONS THEY'RE MAKING.
NOW, EVERYONE, ICLUDING MYSELF
IN TODAY'S MONOLOGUE IS TALKING
ABOUT THURSDAY'S BIPARTISAN
INFRASTRUCTURE BILL --
>> DEAL, YEAH.
>> Stephen: OKAY, DEAL.
SO LET'S CALL IT BALLPARK A
TRILLION DOLLARS INFRASTRUCTURE
SPENDING.
IT ADDS UP.
A TRILLION DOLLARS, AS THE GUY
WHO OVERSEES THE TRANSPORTATION
SYSTEM OR THE ADMINISTRATION OF
OUR TRANSPORTATION SYSTEM, DO
YOU HAVE SOME SAY OF WHERE THAT
GETS SPENT?
>> WELL, YEAH.
I MEAN, THAT'S PART OF MY JOB.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
SO DID YOU THINK, WHEN YOU TOOK
THIS JOB, IT WAS GOING TO HAVE
THAT BIG OF A MONEY GUN THAT YOU
COULD POINT -- I MEAN, IN A
POSITIVE WAY, HAVE A MONEY
INJECTION?
HOW ABOUT THAT?
A MONEY VACCINE SO YOU CAN PUT
IT INTO -- LIKE WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO SPEND IT ON?
CAN WE FINALLY MAKE THE GOLDEN
GATE BRIDGE ACTUALLY GOLDEN OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
CAN WE DO SOMETHING?
WHAT CAN WE DO?
WHAT WOULD BE THE FIRST
PRIORITY.
>> MAY NOT BE THE BEST USE OF
THE TAXPAYER DOLLARS.
>> Stephen: PEOPLE OFTEN SAY
WHAT'S IT LIKE TO TALK TO THEN
MAYOR PETE?
I SAY IT'S INTERESTING, HE'S A
POLITICIAN BUT HE ACTUALLY
ANSWERINGS THE QUESTION YOU CAN
HIM AND ANSWERS IT IN A VERY
SIMPLE AND PLAIN WAY.
EXPLAIN TO ME, AS IF I WERE A
CHILD, WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN
WITH THE TRILLION DOLLARS.
>> OKAY.
WELL, STEPHEN --
( LAUGHTER )
WHEN YOU GET $1.2 TRILLION,
WHICH IS $1,200,000,000,000,
WHICH IS 1,200,000,000,000 --
DID I GET THAT RIGHT?
>> Stephen: I DIDN'T KNOW
THERE WAS GOING TO BE MATH.
>> SO, LOOK, THERE'S ROADS AND
BRIDGES.
THEY ARE IN ROUGH SHAPE.
WE'VE GOT THOUSANDS UPON
THOUSANDS OF BRIDGES THAT NEED
TO BE REPAIRED.
WE'VE GOT TO IMPROVE OUR
AIRPORTS.
I MEAN, IF YOU TRAVEL ABROAD,
YOU SEE THE CONDITION OF OTHER
AIRPORTS.
OUR AIRPORTS SHOULD BE THE ENVY
OF THE WORLD.
TUNNELS -- IN FACT, I SPENT PART
OF TODAY IN THE HUDSON RIVER
TUNNEL, WHICH IS A PIECE OF
INFRASTRUCTURE --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SOUNDS LIKE PEOPLE HERE KNOW IT.
>> Stephen: IT'S GOT A NEW
FANCY NAME.
>> HUDSON RIVER TUNNEL, PART OF
THE GATEWAY PROJECT.
>> Stephen: YEAH, THE GATEWAY
PROJECT.
>> THE NUMBER OF PASSENGERS, THE
NUMBER OF TRAINS THAT GO THROUGH
THIS ONE TUNNEL AND IF IT
FAILED, BASICALLY, IT WOULD
CRIPPLE THE NORTHEAST CORRIDOR.
IT WOULD BE SO DESTRUCTIVE TO
OUR ECONOMY YOU WOULD FEEL THE
IMPACT BACK IN INDIANA WHERE I
COME FROM.
IT HAS THE BEST TECHNOLOGY AND
CONSTRUCTION ENGINEERING OF 1-9D
10.
BUT WE'RE DEPENDING ON
110-YEAR-OLD PIECE OF
INFRASTRUCTURE.
SO FIXING THAT TUNNEL AND THE
BRIDGES THAT LEAD TO IT, THESE
ARE THE EXAMPLES THAT ARE THE
KINDS OF THINGS WE HAVEN'T BEEN
ABLE TO INVEST OF IN THIS
COUNTRY.
THERE ARE EXAMPLES OF THAT IN
SMALL TOWNS, BIG CITIES ACROSS
THE COUNTRY.
NOW'S OUR CHANCE TO HAVE THE
BEST BRIDGES, ROADS AND TUNNELS,
TRANSIT, TRAINS -- I ALWAYS
THOUGHT I WOULD BE THE BIGGEST
PASSENGER RAIL GUY, BUT
OBVIOUSLY IN THIS ADMINISTRATION
I'M SECOND PLACE BUT TRYING TO
MAKE IT A CLOSE SECOND.
THIS IS THE BIGGEST INVESTMENT
IN PASSENGER RAIL SINCE AMTRAK
WAS CREATED.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK.
STICK AROUND, BACK WITH MORE
SECRETARY PETE BUTTIGIEG,
EVERYBODY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK WITH U.S.
TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY PETE
BUTTIGIEG.
I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT
PRESIDENT BIDEN.
YOU GUYS OBVIOUSLY COMPETED
AGAINST EACH OTHER.
I DON'T KNOW THAT YOU SUPPORTED
HIM AROUND SUPER TUESDAY, IS
THAT WHEN YOU THREE WENT BEHIND
PRESIDENT BIDEN?
>> RIGHT AROUND THEN.
>> Stephen: YOU STARTED THE
CABINET WITHOUT MEETING IN THE
OVAL OFFICE BECAUSE OF COVID.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHEN DID YOU
FINALLY GO TO THE WHITE HOUSE
AND HAVE YOUR FIRST LIVE MEETING
WITH THE PRESIDENT?
>> YEAH, IT WAS A FEW WEEKS IN.
THE FIRST TIME I WAS INVITED, I
WAS QUARANTINED BECAUSE I HAD
BEEN EXPOSED TO SOMEBODY WITH
COVID, SO THEY WHEELED ME IN ON
A VIDEO CART.
I WAS ON ZOOM.
THE FIRST TIME I ACTUALLY GOT TO
GO IN IT WAS A BIPARTISAN
MEETING WITH SENATORS FROM THE
OTHER SIDE, AND TALKING ABOUT
INSURRECTION, WORKING TOWARD
WHAT EVENTUALLY THROUGH ALL THE
TWISTS AND TURNS HELPED GET TO
THE DEAL THE PRESIDENT REACHED
LAST WEEK.
IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
ON ONE LEVEL, YOU KNOW, I'M A
CABINET OFFICER, I'M THERE WITH
THE JOB TO DO, I'M TRYING TO
TAKE NOTES AND THINK ABOUT WHAT
I'M GOING TO SAY AND READ THE
ROOM, BUT THERE'S A PART OF YOU
THAT'S, LIKE, I'M IN THE OVAL
OFFICE, THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
( LAUGHTER )
WHEN I GOT UP TO LEAVE, I
NOTICED LOOKING OVER THE
PRESIDENT'S SHOULDER AND I ASKED
HIM, IS THAT A MOON ROCK?
HE'S GOT A MOON ROCK IN THERE,
ON THE BOOKSHELF.
IT WAS, LIKE, YEAH.
HE SHOWED ME THE MOON ROCK.
IT'S AN INCREDIBLY SYMBOLIC AND
HISTORIC PLACE BUT IT'S AN
OFFICE WHERE PEOPLE WORK AND GET
THINGS DONE AND WHAT REALLY
EXCITES ME IS WE REALLY ARE
GETTING THINGS DONE IN THIS
ADMINISTRATION.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HERE'S A PICTURE
OF YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND CHASTEN,
THAT'S YOU IN THE FIRST FLOOR OF
THE WHITE HOUSE THERE.
I UNDERSTAND YOU'VE HAD TO MOVE
TO WASHINGTON, D.C.
HOW HAS THE MOVE GONE?
>> GREAT.
IT'S DIFFERENT.
REAL ESTATE'S A LITTLE MORE
EXPENSIVE THAN INDIANA.
SO WE'RE IN A ONE-BEDROOM
APARTMENT.
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU
BIKE EVERYWHERE.
>>THEY HAVE GREAT BIKE
INFRASTRUCTURE IN
WASHINGTON, D.C.
SERIOUSLY, THERE'S GREAT BIKE
TRAILS AND PARKS.
NOT EVERY DAY BUT I RIDE MY BIKE
TO WORK SOME DAYS AND I LOVE TO
BIKE AROUND TOWN.
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU
BOUGHT A USED BIKE AND THAT
CAUSED COMMOTION.
>> CHASTEN IS GOOD ON FINDING
DEALS ONLINE.
THAT'S HOW WE FURNISHED OUR
APARTMENT.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE GOVERNMENT
WORKERS, A LIMITED INCOME,
OBVIOUSLY.
>> I MENTIONED I WANTED TO BIKE
AROUND, AND, SO, YOU KNOW, HE
ARRANGED THIS DEAL AND I HAD TO
GO PICK UP THE BIKE.
IT WAS RUNNING MATE EARLY AND MY
SECURITY DETAIL AND I WERE
GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER AND
WE GOT IN THE VEHICLE AND, AS WE
STARTED TO GO, THEY SAID, SIR,
CAN YOU JUST CONFIRM THE
LOCATION OF THE BIKE SHOP?
BECAUSE THIS ADDRESS YOU GAVE US
IS COMING UP AS THE PARKING LOT
OF THE PIZZA HUT IN PETWORTH,
WITH IS I EXACTLY WHAT IT WAS.
THAT'S WHERE THE GUY WANTED TO
MEET.
IT WAS PROBABLY WEIRDER FROM HIS
PERSPECTIVE BECAUSE HE'S JUST
STANDING THERE, I DON'T HINK HE
RECOGNIZED MY NAME OR CHASTEN'S,
AND SO THREE SUVs DESCEND ON
HIM AND IHOP OUT WANTING TO BUY
A BICYCLE.
I DID AND IT WAS A GREAT BIKE.
EXCEPT I GOT A FLAT TIRE LAST
WEEK.
>> Stephen: OH, WELL, GOOD
LUCK.
, IS, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: I HOPE THE BILL
GOES WELL.
>> ALIVE AND WELL.
>> Stephen: FORMERLY
MAYOR PETE, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR BEING HERE.
TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY PETE
BUTTIGIEG, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ACTRESS
♪ ♪ ♪
♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW"!
MY GUEST -- MY NEXT GUEST THIS
EVENING IS AN ACTRESS YOU KNOW
FROM
"WESTWORLD," "THE LEFTOVERS,"
AND "MANHATTAN."
SHE NOW STARS IN THE PARAMOUNT+
SHOW, "EVIL."
THE WAY YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS
YOU DON'T SEEM BOTHERED.
>> I'M NOT.
I AM -- I'M GLAD HE'S DEAD.
>> AND THE POLICE, YOU'RE NOT
WORRIED?
>> NO, THEY THINK IT'S LARUE'S
WIFE.
>> OH, MY GOD.
THEY'RE WRONG.
THEY'LL QUICKLY FIND THAT OUT.
SHE WAS WITH FRIENDS, I MADE
SURE OF THAT BEFORE I WENT TO
HIS HOUSE.
>> YOU MADE SURE SHE HAD AN
ALIBI?
>> MM-HMM.
SO IT WAS PREMEDITATED, YOU
WENT THERE TO KILL HIM?
>> I KNEW IF I DID TILL HIM THEY
WOULD BLAME HIS WIFE SO I MADE
SURE SHE HAD AN ALIBI.
>> SO, UM, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
YOUR ACTIONS NOW?
>> MMM...
I CAN'T CHANGE MY ACTIONS.
AND I WOULDN'T.
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO
"THE LATE SHOW" AT THE AT THAT
TIME!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
KATJA HERBERS! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
>> HI!
>> Stephen: HELLO.
HI.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR
COMING OUT SO QUICKLY.
YOU SAVED ME A WALK.
>> OH, MY GOSH!
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND, AND
CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG HERE,
THAT THIS IS YOUR FIRST
APPEARANCE ON A LATE NIGHT SHOW
IN THE UNITED STATES.
>> CORRECT.
I'M FROM HOLLAND.
I'VE DONE SOME DUTCH LATE NIGHT
SHOWS, BUT THIS IS MY FIRST TIME
BEING ON ONE HERE.
>> Stephen: WELL, WELCOME.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I HOPE IT'S GOING WELL SO FAR.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: HOW AM I DOING?
YOU'RE AMAZING.
YOU'RE EVERY LATE SHOW TALK SHOW
HOST DUTCH PERSON'S EXAMPLE.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
YES, YOU ARE.
>> Stephen: WHO ARE SOME TO
HAVE THE BIG DUTCH --
>> LUBACH.
>> Stephen: YOU DID A LOT OF
IMPROV.
>> I DID, YEAH.
>> Stephen: AND I STARTED OFF
IN IMPROV.
>> OBVIOUSLY, YEAH.
>> Stephen: I'M JUST CURIOUS,
A, WHAT DREW YOU TO DOING
IMPROVIZATION BECAUSE I WAS LAZY
AND DIDN'T WANTED TO MEMORIZE
LINES, BUT WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN AN AMERICAN AUDIENCE FOR
COMEDY AND THE DUTCH?
>> WELL, I THINK THE BIG
DIFFERENCE IS DUTCH, NOBODY SUES
ANYONE, SO THERE ARE JUST NO
RUES.
( LAUGHTER )
SO IT MEANS, LIKE, I WAS ON THIS
LIVE TV IMPROV GROUP, AND THERE
WAS A KNIFE ON THE PROPS TABLE,
AND I -- THE IMPROV WAS THAT I
HAD TO CONFRONT A GUY WHO HAD
ABUSED ME AND RUINED MY LIFE.
SO I THOUGHT, GREAT, A KNIFE
MIGHT COME IN HANDY.
>> Stephen: SURE, YEAH.
O I TOOK THE KNIFE AND I
THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE A
PROP KNIFE.
BUT IT ENDED UP BEING A
BRAND-NEW SUSHI KNIFE, AND I,
LIKE, SLIT THE GUY'S HAND AND WE
HAVE TO STOP HIM AND WE HAVE TO
ASK IS THERE A DOCTOR HERE?
AND YOU HAVE TO BE STITCHED.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID HE THINK
THE AUDIENCE THINK WAS GOING ON?
>> THEY THOUGHT IT WAS ALL PART
OF THE SHOW AND WE WERE, LIKE,
NO, THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
>> Stephen: DID IT GET A
LAUGH?
>> OH, 100%, BUT IT WAS GAPING!
>> Stephen: TOTALLY WORTH IT
THEN!
IF HE'S A REAL PLAYER HE WILL
BE, NO, I LIKE IT, THEY'RE
LAUGHING.
>> WHEN HE SEES ME, HE SAYS, HI,
HKATJA, I SAY HI, I CAN SEE YOUR
SCAR!
>> Stephen: "EVIL," SELL ME ON
MOVING TO PARAMOUNT +.
WHAT DO I GET?
>> I WAS ALMOST GOING TO SAY
( BLEEP ) YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
I WAS GOING TO SAY LIKE F
BOMB YEAH, THAT'S WHERE WE'LL
MOVE TO.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN.
YOU CAN WEAR.
WHEINSTEAD OF SAYING, OH, DARN ,
I CAN JUST GO --
>> Stephen: SAY THE WORD!
( BLEEP ).
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪
THAT'S NICE.
>> Stephen: THAT WOULD BE
GREAT.
>> WE DID ADR FOR PREVIOUS
EPISODES AND I WENT IN AND
DUBBED MYSELF WHEN I SAID, OH,
THAT BASTARD, AND I WENT IN AND
SAID ( BLEEP ).
>> Stephen: SO YOU MADE THE
SHOWS MORE STREAMABLE.
>> YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
>> Stephen: NOW, IN THE SHOW,
YOU PLAY SOMETHING CALLED A
FORENSIC PSYCHOLOGIST.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT
THAT JOB IS.
>> IT WOULD BE GOOD IF I KNOW
THAT, EXACTLY, RIGHT?
>> Stephen: PSYCHOLOGICAL
PROFILES --
>> I USED TO WORK AT THE D.A.'S
OFFICE, I INTERVIEW SERIAL
KILLERS AND FIGURE OUT IF THEIR
DEFENSE OF INSANITY -- IF
THEY'RE ACTUALLY INSANE OR A
PSYCHOPATH.
>> Stephen: AND YOU DON'T
BELIEVE IN THE SUPERNATURAL,
YOU'RE THE SKEPTIC?
>> I'M A SCIENTIST, A PERSON OF
REASON.
>> Stephen: SURE.
BUT I ALSO GET INTO THESE
NIGHTMARES.
I'M PRETTY CLOSE TO MY CHARACTER
EXCEPT SHE'S WAY SMART AND HAS A
DOCTORATE.
>> Stephen: DO YOU NOT BELIEVE
IN THE SUPERNATURAL?
>> NO, I DON'T THINK I DO, BUT I
HAVE THIS FUNKY STORY WHERE I
USED TO BE TORTURED BY
HEADACHES, AND I WAS COMPLETELY
DILL BAITED, IT WAS TWO OR THREE
YEARS, MRI SCANS, WHAT'S GOING
ON WITH HER.
MY FRIEND SAID YOU GO TO THIS
LADY IN THE WOODS AND SHE'S
GOING TO FIX YOU.
AND I SAID I WILL DO ANYTHING.
>> Stephen: GO SEE A LADY IN
THE WOODS!
SURE!
>> SO I WENT TO THIS LADY IN THE
WOODS.
SHE LAID ME DOWN ON THIS TABLE
AND SHE LOOKED AT ME AND SHE
SAID, OH, I KNOW WHAT'S GOING
ON, YOU'RE CARRYING AROUND 37
GHOSTS, AND I'M GOING TO HAVE TO
TAKE THEM AWAY BECAUSE THEY'RE
DESTROYING YOUR LIFE AND GIVING
YOU THESE HEADACHES.
>> Stephen: HOW DID SHE TAKE
THEM AWAY.
DID SHE HAVE A PROP KNIFE?
( LAUGHTER )
>> NO, WELL, SHE TALKED TO EVERY
SINGLE ONE OF THEM AND SHE SAYS,
I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T
BELIEVE, BUT THIS IS FINE, THIS
IS GOING TO HELP YOU AND I'M
GOING TO DO IT.
SHE SAID, JOHN, YOU'VE GOT TO
GO, YOU DON'T KNOW YOU'RE DEAD
BUT KATJA HAS A LIFE TO LIVE AND
YOU HAVE TO GO.
>> Stephen: DID ANY FIGHT HER?
YI, TWO OR THREE FOUGHT WITH
HER, NO, WE LIKE IT HERE, WE
WANT TO SA STAY, AND SHE SAID,
YOU'VE GOT TO GO!
SO THEY WENT AND I'VE NEVER HAD
ANOTHER HEADACHE IN MY LIFE.
I'M A SKEPTIC AND I DON'T THINK
I BELIEVE IN THE SUPERNATURAL
BUT ALSO THAT HAPPENED TO ME, SO
WHO KNOWS.
>> Stephen: YOU WERE RUNNING
AN AIRBNB UP HERE!
( LAUGHTER )
LOVELY TO MEET YOU.
>> LOVELY TO MEET YOU.
>> Stephen: SO NICE TO HAVE
YOU ON FOR YOUR FIRST LATE
NIGHT.
YOU CAN FIND NEW EPISODES OF
"EVIL" SUNDAYS ON PARAMOUNT +.
KATJA HERBERS,
♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR "THE
LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS
WILL BE MERRY AND PIPPIN
THEMSELVES:, DOMINIC MONAGHAN
AND BILLY BOYD.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT, WITH HIS
GUEST -- FOR THE WHOLE WEEK --
ED SHEERAN.
GOOD NIGHT.
Captioning sponsored by CBS
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
>> HOW MUCH WORSE IS THIS BECAUSE OF THE CLIMATE CRISIS? >> Stephen: NOW, WE'RE NOT
GOING TO MENTION THE FACT THAT
HE'S JUST RETURNED FROM THE
SURFACE OF THE SUN?
HE WON'T HAVE TO BE EMBALMED
BECAUSE AT SOME POINT HE WAS
HICKORY SMOKED.
ARBY'S, THEIR BEEF JERKY SHOUL