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<font color="#ffff00"> Captioning sponsored by CBS</font>

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>> AN HISTORIC HEAT WAVE IS
BAKING THE NORTHWEST OF THIS
COUNTRY.

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BAKING THE NORTHWEST OF THIS
COUNTRY.
>> THE MAJORITY OF THE PEOPLE IN

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COUNTRY.
>> THE MAJORITY OF THE PEOPLE IN
SEATTLE, PACIFIC NORTHWEST, DO

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>> THE MAJORITY OF THE PEOPLE IN
SEATTLE, PACIFIC NORTHWEST, DO
NOT HAVE AIR CONDITIONING OR

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SEATTLE, PACIFIC NORTHWEST, DO
NOT HAVE AIR CONDITIONING OR
EVEN AN ATTIC FAN TO CIRCULATE

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NOT HAVE AIR CONDITIONING OR
EVEN AN ATTIC FAN TO CIRCULATE
THE AIR.

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EVEN AN ATTIC FAN TO CIRCULATE
THE AIR.
TEMPERATURES INSIDE HOMES WENT

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THE AIR.
TEMPERATURES INSIDE HOMES WENT
UP TO 125 AND 130 DEGREES.

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TEMPERATURES INSIDE HOMES WENT
UP TO 125 AND 130 DEGREES.
>> THE LEGENDARY SITCOM

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UP TO 125 AND 130 DEGREES.
>> THE LEGENDARY SITCOM
"FRASIER" IS GETTING A REBOOT.

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>> THE LEGENDARY SITCOM
"FRASIER" IS GETTING A REBOOT.
THE PARAMOUNT+ STREAMING

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"FRASIER" IS GETTING A REBOOT.
THE PARAMOUNT+ STREAMING
SERVICE, A DIVISION OF

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THE PARAMOUNT+ STREAMING
SERVICE, A DIVISION OF
ViacomCBS, ANNOUNCED THAT IT IS

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SERVICE, A DIVISION OF
ViacomCBS, ANNOUNCED THAT IT IS
REVIVING THE SHOW.

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ViacomCBS, ANNOUNCED THAT IT IS
REVIVING THE SHOW.
♪♪

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REVIVING THE SHOW.
♪♪
( LAUGHTER )

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♪♪
( LAUGHTER )
♪♪

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( LAUGHTER )
♪♪
( PHONE RINGING )

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♪♪
( PHONE RINGING )
>> THE "DR. FRASIER CRANE SHOW."

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( PHONE RINGING )
>> THE "DR. FRASIER CRANE SHOW."
LEAVE A MESSAGE.

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>> THE "DR. FRASIER CRANE SHOW."
LEAVE A MESSAGE.
>> I'M MELTING!

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LEAVE A MESSAGE.
>> I'M MELTING!
MELTING!

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>> I'M MELTING!
MELTING!
♪♪

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MELTING!
♪♪
♪ HEY BABY, I FEEL THE TEMPS

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♪♪
♪ HEY BABY, I FEEL THE TEMPS
A-RISIN' ♪

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♪ HEY BABY, I FEEL THE TEMPS
A-RISIN' ♪
♪ HOT SALAD AND SCRAMBLED

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A-RISIN' ♪
♪ HOT SALAD AND SCRAMBLED
BRAINS ♪

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♪ HOT SALAD AND SCRAMBLED
BRAINS ♪
>> PARAMOUNT+.

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BRAINS ♪
>> PARAMOUNT+.
WHOOPS, WE KILLED KELSEY!

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>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!
TONIGHT, HELTER SWELTER.

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SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!
TONIGHT, HELTER SWELTER.
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES SECRETARY

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TONIGHT, HELTER SWELTER.
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES SECRETARY
PETE BUTTIGIEG.

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PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES SECRETARY
PETE BUTTIGIEG.
KATJA HERBERS, FEATURING JON

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PETE BUTTIGIEG.
KATJA HERBERS, FEATURING JON
BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN."

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KATJA HERBERS, FEATURING JON
BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN."
NOW LIVE ON TAPE IN THE ED

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BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN."
NOW LIVE ON TAPE IN THE ED
SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK

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NOW LIVE ON TAPE IN THE ED
SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!

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SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

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CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪

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( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪
>> Stephen: HEY!

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♪♪
>> Stephen: HEY!
( AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN" )

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>> Stephen: HEY!
( AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN" )
>> Stephen: THAT'S ALL YOU CAN

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( AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN" )
>> Stephen: THAT'S ALL YOU CAN
ASK FOR!

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>> Stephen: THAT'S ALL YOU CAN
ASK FOR!
PLEASE, EVERYBODY!

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ASK FOR!
PLEASE, EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

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PLEASE, EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HAVE A SEAT, MY FRIENDS.

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( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HAVE A SEAT, MY FRIENDS.
WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE

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HAVE A SEAT, MY FRIENDS.
WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE
SHOW."

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WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE
SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.

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SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
OH...

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I AM YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
OH...
TONIGHT, WE'VE GOT A HOT CROWD,

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OH...
TONIGHT, WE'VE GOT A HOT CROWD,
JON.

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TONIGHT, WE'VE GOT A HOT CROWD,
JON.
>> Jon: OH, YEAH.

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JON.
>> Jon: OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A HOT

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>> Jon: OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A HOT
CROWD!

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>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A HOT
CROWD!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

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CROWD!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: YEAH, BABY.

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( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: YEAH, BABY.
>> Stephen: BOTH IN

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>> Jon: YEAH, BABY.
>> Stephen: BOTH IN
TEMPERAMENT AND TEMPERATURE

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>> Stephen: BOTH IN
TEMPERAMENT AND TEMPERATURE
BECAUSE WE'VE GOT A HEAT WAVE

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TEMPERAMENT AND TEMPERATURE
BECAUSE WE'VE GOT A HEAT WAVE
HERE IN NEW YORK CITY, AND IT'S

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BECAUSE WE'VE GOT A HEAT WAVE
HERE IN NEW YORK CITY, AND IT'S
GOING TO BE A SCORCHER ALL WEEK

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HERE IN NEW YORK CITY, AND IT'S
GOING TO BE A SCORCHER ALL WEEK
WITH TEMPERATURES IN THE LOW

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GOING TO BE A SCORCHER ALL WEEK
WITH TEMPERATURES IN THE LOW
90s THAT COULD FEEL AS LOT AS

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WITH TEMPERATURES IN THE LOW
90s THAT COULD FEEL AS LOT AS
105 BECAUSE OF THE HUMIDITY.

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90s THAT COULD FEEL AS LOT AS
105 BECAUSE OF THE HUMIDITY.
WHY IS IN TOWN SQUARE THE WAX

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105 BECAUSE OF THE HUMIDITY.
WHY IS IN TOWN SQUARE THE WAX
MSEUM IS OPENING THEIR NEW

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WHY IS IN TOWN SQUARE THE WAX
MSEUM IS OPENING THEIR NEW
EXHIBITION OF CELEBRITY PUDDLES!

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MSEUM IS OPENING THEIR NEW
EXHIBITION OF CELEBRITY PUDDLES!
( APPLAUSE )

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EXHIBITION OF CELEBRITY PUDDLES!
( APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: SURE, THEY ALL MELTED.

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( APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: SURE, THEY ALL MELTED.
>> Stephen: BUT AS HOT AS IT

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>> Jon: SURE, THEY ALL MELTED.
>> Stephen: BUT AS HOT AS IT
IS HERE ON THE EAST COAST,

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>> Stephen: BUT AS HOT AS IT
IS HERE ON THE EAST COAST,
NOTHING COMPARED TO THE

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IS HERE ON THE EAST COAST,
NOTHING COMPARED TO THE
RECORD-SETTING HEAT WAVE THAT

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NOTHING COMPARED TO THE
RECORD-SETTING HEAT WAVE THAT
HAS ENGULFED THE PACIFIC

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RECORD-SETTING HEAT WAVE THAT
HAS ENGULFED THE PACIFIC
NORTHWEST.

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HAS ENGULFED THE PACIFIC
NORTHWEST.
IT'S SO BAD IN SEATTLE,

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NORTHWEST.
IT'S SO BAD IN SEATTLE,
EVERYBODY SEES DOWN TO THEIR

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IT'S SO BAD IN SEATTLE,
EVERYBODY SEES DOWN TO THEIR
FLANNEL SPEEDOS.

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EVERYBODY SEES DOWN TO THEIR
FLANNEL SPEEDOS.
( LAUGHTER )

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FLANNEL SPEEDOS.
( LAUGHTER )
HOW HOT WAS IT?

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( LAUGHTER )
HOW HOT WAS IT?
110 DEGREES?

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HOW HOT WAS IT?
110 DEGREES?
EUGENE, OREGON, WHERE U.S.

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110 DEGREES?
EUGENE, OREGON, WHERE U.S.
OLYMPIC TRACK AND FIELD TRIALS

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EUGENE, OREGON, WHERE U.S.
OLYMPIC TRACK AND FIELD TRIALS
WERE BEING HELD.

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OLYMPIC TRACK AND FIELD TRIALS
WERE BEING HELD.
WE HAVE SOME FOOTAGE.

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WERE BEING HELD.
WE HAVE SOME FOOTAGE.
>> HOT, HOT, HOT.

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WE HAVE SOME FOOTAGE.
>> HOT, HOT, HOT.
, HOT!

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>> HOT, HOT, HOT.
, HOT!
OH, MY FEET!

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, HOT!
OH, MY FEET!
HOT!

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OH, MY FEET!
HOT!
( LAUGHTER )

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HOT!
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: SPEAKING OF HOT

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( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: SPEAKING OF HOT
AIR, OVER THE WEEKEND, FORMER

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>> Stephen: SPEAKING OF HOT
AIR, OVER THE WEEKEND, FORMER
PRESIDENT JABBA THE GUT WENT TO

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AIR, OVER THE WEEKEND, FORMER
PRESIDENT JABBA THE GUT WENT TO
WELLINGTON, OHIO --

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PRESIDENT JABBA THE GUT WENT TO
WELLINGTON, OHIO --
( CHEERING )

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WELLINGTON, OHIO --
( CHEERING )
-- TO HOLD HIS FIRST RALLY SINCE

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( CHEERING )
-- TO HOLD HIS FIRST RALLY SINCE
THE JANUARY 6th INSURRECTION

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-- TO HOLD HIS FIRST RALLY SINCE
THE JANUARY 6th INSURRECTION
P. WHY IS HE ALLOWED TO HAVE

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THE JANUARY 6th INSURRECTION
P. WHY IS HE ALLOWED TO HAVE
RALLIES AFTER THAT?

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P. WHY IS HE ALLOWED TO HAVE
RALLIES AFTER THAT?
AFTER THE ASSASSINATION, JOHN

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RALLIES AFTER THAT?
AFTER THE ASSASSINATION, JOHN
WILKES BOOTH WASN'T WELL TO

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AFTER THE ASSASSINATION, JOHN
WILKES BOOTH WASN'T WELL TO
BROADWAY

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WILKES BOOTH WASN'T WELL TO
BROADWAY
PERFORMANCE OF "I SHOT LINCOLN:

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BROADWAY
PERFORMANCE OF "I SHOT LINCOLN:
THE MUSICAL."

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PERFORMANCE OF "I SHOT LINCOLN:
THE MUSICAL."
IT'S SIC SEMPER FANTASTIC!

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THE MUSICAL."
IT'S SIC SEMPER FANTASTIC!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

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IT'S SIC SEMPER FANTASTIC!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WITH NEARLY SIX MONTHS TO

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( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WITH NEARLY SIX MONTHS TO
PREPARE, THE FORMER PRESIDENT

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WITH NEARLY SIX MONTHS TO
PREPARE, THE FORMER PRESIDENT
HAD PLENTY OF TIME TO WORK ON

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PREPARE, THE FORMER PRESIDENT
HAD PLENTY OF TIME TO WORK ON
FRESH MATERIAL.

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HAD PLENTY OF TIME TO WORK ON
FRESH MATERIAL.
LET'S GO TO THE NEW CLIPS!

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FRESH MATERIAL.
LET'S GO TO THE NEW CLIPS!
>> WHAT HAPPENED IN THE

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LET'S GO TO THE NEW CLIPS!
>> WHAT HAPPENED IN THE
ELECTION, IT'S A DISGRACE.

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>> WHAT HAPPENED IN THE
ELECTION, IT'S A DISGRACE.
>> STEPHEN: OKAY, I'VE HEARD

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ELECTION, IT'S A DISGRACE.
>> STEPHEN: OKAY, I'VE HEARD
THAT ONE.

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>> STEPHEN: OKAY, I'VE HEARD
THAT ONE.
ANYTHING NEW?

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THAT ONE.
ANYTHING NEW?
MAYBE LOOKING FORWARD TO THE

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ANYTHING NEW?
MAYBE LOOKING FORWARD TO THE
FUTURE?

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MAYBE LOOKING FORWARD TO THE
FUTURE?
>> YOU HAVE TO LOOK BACK.

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FUTURE?
>> YOU HAVE TO LOOK BACK.
WE WON THE ELECTION IN 2020.

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>> YOU HAVE TO LOOK BACK.
WE WON THE ELECTION IN 2020.
>> STEPHEN: NO, YOU DIDN'T.

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WE WON THE ELECTION IN 2020.
>> STEPHEN: NO, YOU DIDN'T.
THAT'S WHY YOU FLEW TO OHIO

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>> STEPHEN: NO, YOU DIDN'T.
THAT'S WHY YOU FLEW TO OHIO
ON AIR FORCE "ONE BAG OF

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THAT'S WHY YOU FLEW TO OHIO
ON AIR FORCE "ONE BAG OF
PRETZELS" PER PASSENGER

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ON AIR FORCE "ONE BAG OF
PRETZELS" PER PASSENGER
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

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PRETZELS" PER PASSENGER
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SERIOUSLY, MOVE ON.

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( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SERIOUSLY, MOVE ON.
I DON'T KNOW...

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SERIOUSLY, MOVE ON.
I DON'T KNOW...
MAYBE SOMETHING ABOUT OUR

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I DON'T KNOW...
MAYBE SOMETHING ABOUT OUR
NATION'S RECOVERY FROM THE

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MAYBE SOMETHING ABOUT OUR
NATION'S RECOVERY FROM THE
PANDEMIC?

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NATION'S RECOVERY FROM THE
PANDEMIC?
>> THEY USED COVID IN ORDER TO

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PANDEMIC?
>> THEY USED COVID IN ORDER TO
RIG THE ELECTION AND IN ORDER TO

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>> THEY USED COVID IN ORDER TO
RIG THE ELECTION AND IN ORDER TO
STEAL THE ELECTION.

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RIG THE ELECTION AND IN ORDER TO
STEAL THE ELECTION.
>> STEPHEN: YEAH, YEAH.

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STEAL THE ELECTION.
>> STEPHEN: YEAH, YEAH.
( BOOING )

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>> STEPHEN: YEAH, YEAH.
( BOOING )
EVERYONE IS SO MEAN TO YOU.

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( BOOING )
EVERYONE IS SO MEAN TO YOU.
AT LEAST YOU'RE NOT TALKING

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EVERYONE IS SO MEAN TO YOU.
AT LEAST YOU'RE NOT TALKING
ABOUT THAT GUY WHO CRIES EVERY

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AT LEAST YOU'RE NOT TALKING
ABOUT THAT GUY WHO CRIES EVERY
TIME HE SEES YOU.

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ABOUT THAT GUY WHO CRIES EVERY
TIME HE SEES YOU.
>> THERE WERE TEARS IN HIS EYES.

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TIME HE SEES YOU.
>> THERE WERE TEARS IN HIS EYES.
THIS GUY HAS NOT CRIED IN A VERY

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>> THERE WERE TEARS IN HIS EYES.
THIS GUY HAS NOT CRIED IN A VERY
LONG TIME, JUST IN MEETING ME

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THIS GUY HAS NOT CRIED IN A VERY
LONG TIME, JUST IN MEETING ME
BECAUSE I REPRESENT WHAT THEY

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LONG TIME, JUST IN MEETING ME
BECAUSE I REPRESENT WHAT THEY
WANT.

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BECAUSE I REPRESENT WHAT THEY
WANT.
>> Stephen: OKAY, I SPOKE TOO

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WANT.
>> Stephen: OKAY, I SPOKE TOO
SOON.

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>> Stephen: OKAY, I SPOKE TOO
SOON.
THIS REALLY SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE

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SOON.
THIS REALLY SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE
JUST READING A SPEECH FROM LAST

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THIS REALLY SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE
JUST READING A SPEECH FROM LAST
SUMMER.

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JUST READING A SPEECH FROM LAST
SUMMER.
>> HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE ACTUALLY

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SUMMER.
>> HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE ACTUALLY
WORKS.

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00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:20,919
>> HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE ACTUALLY
WORKS.
>> STEPHEN: NO ONE CARES ABOUT

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WORKS.
>> STEPHEN: NO ONE CARES ABOUT
THAT NOW!

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>> STEPHEN: NO ONE CARES ABOUT
THAT NOW!
WE HAVE A VACCINE!

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THAT NOW!
WE HAVE A VACCINE!
I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYTHING MORE

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WE HAVE A VACCINE!
I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYTHING MORE
TIRED THAN THE COVID DRUG FROM

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00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:29,528
I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYTHING MORE
TIRED THAN THE COVID DRUG FROM
12 MONTHS AGO.

160
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:33,532
TIRED THAN THE COVID DRUG FROM
12 MONTHS AGO.
>> YOU KNEW DAMN WELL I WAS A

161
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:34,199
12 MONTHS AGO.
>> YOU KNEW DAMN WELL I WAS A
SNAKE BEFORE YOU TOOK ME IN.

162
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:43,141
>> YOU KNEW DAMN WELL I WAS A
SNAKE BEFORE YOU TOOK ME IN.
>> STEPHEN: WOOO!

163
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:45,444
SNAKE BEFORE YOU TOOK ME IN.
>> STEPHEN: WOOO!
WOOO!

164
00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:45,644
>> STEPHEN: WOOO!
WOOO!
WOOO!

165
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:47,212
WOOO!
WOOO!
I DO DECLARE!

166
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:47,879
WOOO!
I DO DECLARE!
THIS LIGHTER DOES NOT INDICATE

167
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:48,480
I DO DECLARE!
THIS LIGHTER DOES NOT INDICATE
THAT I'M EXCITED!

168
00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:49,014
THIS LIGHTER DOES NOT INDICATE
THAT I'M EXCITED!
YOU'RE JUST SO BORING, I'M

169
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:49,614
THAT I'M EXCITED!
YOU'RE JUST SO BORING, I'M
CONSIDERING SETTING MYSELF ON

170
00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:53,118
YOU'RE JUST SO BORING, I'M
CONSIDERING SETTING MYSELF ON
FIRE!

171
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:53,418
CONSIDERING SETTING MYSELF ON
FIRE!
( LAUGHTER )

172
00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:55,620
FIRE!
( LAUGHTER )
MR. NOT-PRESIDENT, DO YOU HAVE

173
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:56,221
( LAUGHTER )
MR. NOT-PRESIDENT, DO YOU HAVE
ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL, TO

174
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:57,522
MR. NOT-PRESIDENT, DO YOU HAVE
ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL, TO
SAY ABOUT THE STATE OF THE

175
00:05:57,524 --> 00:06:01,526
ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL, TO
SAY ABOUT THE STATE OF THE
COUNTRY RIGHT NOW?

176
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:04,196
SAY ABOUT THE STATE OF THE
COUNTRY RIGHT NOW?
>> IT IS WINDY AS HELL UP HERE.

177
00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:07,399
COUNTRY RIGHT NOW?
>> IT IS WINDY AS HELL UP HERE.
( LAUGHTER )

178
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:09,534
>> IT IS WINDY AS HELL UP HERE.
( LAUGHTER )
>> STEPHEN: I'M NOT SURPRISED,

179
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:14,573
( LAUGHTER )
>> STEPHEN: I'M NOT SURPRISED,
BECAUSE THIS SPEECH BLOWS.

180
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:15,073
>> STEPHEN: I'M NOT SURPRISED,
BECAUSE THIS SPEECH BLOWS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

181
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:15,574
BECAUSE THIS SPEECH BLOWS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.

182
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:16,208
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

183
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,109
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, CITIZENS.

184
00:06:17,111 --> 00:06:19,911
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, CITIZENS.
THANK YOU.

185
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:20,946
THANK YOU, CITIZENS.
THANK YOU.
BUT HE DID DELIGHT THE CROWD

186
00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:21,546
THANK YOU.
BUT HE DID DELIGHT THE CROWD
WITH ONE OF HIS PATENTED "I

187
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:25,150
BUT HE DID DELIGHT THE CROWD
WITH ONE OF HIS PATENTED "I
SMELL TOAST" MOMENTS.

188
00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:25,751
WITH ONE OF HIS PATENTED "I
SMELL TOAST" MOMENTS.
>> AMERICA IS STILL THE NATION

189
00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:28,220
SMELL TOAST" MOMENTS.
>> AMERICA IS STILL THE NATION
THAT CONQUERED THE WILD WEST,

190
00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:33,525
>> AMERICA IS STILL THE NATION
THAT CONQUERED THE WILD WEST,
THAT VANQUISHED THE MURDEROUS

191
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:37,529
THAT CONQUERED THE WILD WEST,
THAT VANQUISHED THE MURDEROUS
DICTATORS, THAT ENDED THE EVIL

192
00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:40,198
THAT VANQUISHED THE MURDEROUS
DICTATORS, THAT ENDED THE EVIL
EMPIRES, AND THAT SENT A BRAVE

193
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:45,537
DICTATORS, THAT ENDED THE EVIL
EMPIRES, AND THAT SENT A BRAVE
YOUNG MAN FROM OHIO TO A PLANT.

194
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:56,648
EMPIRES, AND THAT SENT A BRAVE
YOUNG MAN FROM OHIO TO A PLANT.
( LAUGHTER )

195
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:59,117
YOUNG MAN FROM OHIO TO A PLANT.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: REALLY?

196
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:02,621
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: REALLY?
TO A PLANT.

197
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:03,488
>> Stephen: REALLY?
TO A PLANT.
YES, HE WAS A BRAVE, YOUNG MAN

198
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:03,955
TO A PLANT.
YES, HE WAS A BRAVE, YOUNG MAN
FROM OHIO NAMED JACK.

199
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:04,589
YES, HE WAS A BRAVE, YOUNG MAN
FROM OHIO NAMED JACK.
AND THE NATION SENT HIM TO CLIMB

200
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:09,528
FROM OHIO NAMED JACK.
AND THE NATION SENT HIM TO CLIMB
THAT BEANSTALK WHERE HE

201
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:11,229
AND THE NATION SENT HIM TO CLIMB
THAT BEANSTALK WHERE HE
SKYROCKETED TO FEE-FI-FO-FAME!

202
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:11,530
THAT BEANSTALK WHERE HE
SKYROCKETED TO FEE-FI-FO-FAME!
( LAUGHTER )

203
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,565
SKYROCKETED TO FEE-FI-FO-FAME!
( LAUGHTER )
HE CONTINUED FUMBLING, FLAILING,

204
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,967
( LAUGHTER )
HE CONTINUED FUMBLING, FLAILING,
AND FAILING TO REMEMBER THE NAME

205
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:16,568
HE CONTINUED FUMBLING, FLAILING,
AND FAILING TO REMEMBER THE NAME
OF THE FIRST MAN ON THE MOON.

206
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:17,135
AND FAILING TO REMEMBER THE NAME
OF THE FIRST MAN ON THE MOON.
>> YOU KNOW WHO THE MAN I AM

207
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:17,536
OF THE FIRST MAN ON THE MOON.
>> YOU KNOW WHO THE MAN I AM
TALKING ABOUT IS?

208
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:21,440
>> YOU KNOW WHO THE MAN I AM
TALKING ABOUT IS?
WHO AM I TALKING ABOUT?

209
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:21,907
TALKING ABOUT IS?
WHO AM I TALKING ABOUT?
DO YOU KNOW WHO IT IS?

210
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:23,642
WHO AM I TALKING ABOUT?
DO YOU KNOW WHO IT IS?
THE STARS AND STRIPES ON THE

211
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:25,544
DO YOU KNOW WHO IT IS?
THE STARS AND STRIPES ON THE
FACE OF THE MOON?

212
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,879
THE STARS AND STRIPES ON THE
FACE OF THE MOON?
YOU KNOW WHO THE MAN IS, RIGHT?

213
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:28,513
FACE OF THE MOON?
YOU KNOW WHO THE MAN IS, RIGHT?
>> STEPHEN: HE'S TRYING TO TALK

214
00:07:28,515 --> 00:07:33,552
YOU KNOW WHO THE MAN IS, RIGHT?
>> STEPHEN: HE'S TRYING TO TALK
ABOUT NEIL ARMSTRONG, BUT HE

215
00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:35,086
>> STEPHEN: HE'S TRYING TO TALK
ABOUT NEIL ARMSTRONG, BUT HE
SAID "PLANT," WHEN HE MEANT

216
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:37,522
ABOUT NEIL ARMSTRONG, BUT HE
SAID "PLANT," WHEN HE MEANT
"PLANET," WHICH IS NOT WHERE

217
00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:41,526
SAID "PLANT," WHEN HE MEANT
"PLANET," WHICH IS NOT WHERE
NEIL ARMSTRONG WENT.

218
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:44,863
"PLANET," WHICH IS NOT WHERE
NEIL ARMSTRONG WENT.
( LAUGHTER )

219
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:45,530
NEIL ARMSTRONG WENT.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )

220
00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:46,198
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
THAT'S LIKE TRYING TO DESCRIBE

221
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,534
( APPLAUSE )
THAT'S LIKE TRYING TO DESCRIBE
GEORGE WASHINGTON BY SAYING "YOU

222
00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:51,803
THAT'S LIKE TRYING TO DESCRIBE
GEORGE WASHINGTON BY SAYING "YOU
KNOW WHO I MEAN, THE GUY WITH

223
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:52,370
GEORGE WASHINGTON BY SAYING "YOU
KNOW WHO I MEAN, THE GUY WITH
THE MONEY AND THE TEETH MADE

224
00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:55,006
KNOW WHO I MEAN, THE GUY WITH
THE MONEY AND THE TEETH MADE
OUT OF A CHEERY TREE WITH THE

225
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:57,542
THE MONEY AND THE TEETH MADE
OUT OF A CHEERY TREE WITH THE
PAINTING OF HIM CROSSING THE

226
00:07:57,544 --> 00:08:00,345
OUT OF A CHEERY TREE WITH THE
PAINTING OF HIM CROSSING THE
DELI MEATS."

227
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:01,012
PAINTING OF HIM CROSSING THE
DELI MEATS."
( LAUGHTER )

228
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:01,613
DELI MEATS."
( LAUGHTER )
THEN HE HAD MORE TROUBLE WITH

229
00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:04,216
( LAUGHTER )
THEN HE HAD MORE TROUBLE WITH
THE WORDS.

230
00:08:04,218 --> 00:08:05,550
THEN HE HAD MORE TROUBLE WITH
THE WORDS.
>> IF YOU CARE ABOUT LAW AND

231
00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:09,221
THE WORDS.
>> IF YOU CARE ABOUT LAW AND
AUTO.

232
00:08:09,223 --> 00:08:12,157
>> IF YOU CARE ABOUT LAW AND
AUTO.
>> Stephen: YES.

233
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,558
AUTO.
>> Stephen: YES.
( LAUGHTER )

234
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:14,559
>> Stephen: YES.
( LAUGHTER )
WE ALL REMEMBER

235
00:08:14,561 --> 00:08:15,026
( LAUGHTER )
WE ALL REMEMBER
THE SPIN OFF, "LAW AND

236
00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:16,194
WE ALL REMEMBER
THE SPIN OFF, "LAW AND
AUTO."

237
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:17,529
THE SPIN OFF, "LAW AND
AUTO."
>> IN THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE

238
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:18,997
AUTO."
>> IN THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE
SYSTEM, THE PEOPLE ARE

239
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,499
>> IN THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE
SYSTEM, THE PEOPLE ARE
REPRESENTED BY TWO SEPARATE YET

240
00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:21,032
SYSTEM, THE PEOPLE ARE
REPRESENTED BY TWO SEPARATE YET
EQUALLY IMPORTANT GROUPS:

241
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:21,600
REPRESENTED BY TWO SEPARATE YET
EQUALLY IMPORTANT GROUPS:
THE POLICE, WHO INVESTIGATE

242
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:25,437
EQUALLY IMPORTANT GROUPS:
THE POLICE, WHO INVESTIGATE
CRIME, AND--

243
00:08:25,439 --> 00:08:26,037
THE POLICE, WHO INVESTIGATE
CRIME, AND--
THE CAR, WHICH DRIVES THEM TO

244
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:28,206
CRIME, AND--
THE CAR, WHICH DRIVES THEM TO
THE CRIME.

245
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:29,541
THE CAR, WHICH DRIVES THEM TO
THE CRIME.
( CAR HORN )

246
00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:37,549
THE CRIME.
( CAR HORN )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

247
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:40,218
( CAR HORN )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: YOU KNOW THEIR

248
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,053
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: YOU KNOW THEIR
MOTTO: "PROTECT AND SWERVE."

249
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:42,354
>> STEPHEN: YOU KNOW THEIR
MOTTO: "PROTECT AND SWERVE."
( LAUGHTER )

250
00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:44,022
MOTTO: "PROTECT AND SWERVE."
( LAUGHTER )
THE SAD THING IS, THE PEOPLE AT

251
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,390
( LAUGHTER )
THE SAD THING IS, THE PEOPLE AT
THAT RALLY BELIEVE THE OLD GUY'S

252
00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:45,724
THE SAD THING IS, THE PEOPLE AT
THAT RALLY BELIEVE THE OLD GUY'S
ELECTION LIES.

253
00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:48,793
THAT RALLY BELIEVE THE OLD GUY'S
ELECTION LIES.
YOU KNOW WHO DOESN'T?

254
00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:49,528
ELECTION LIES.
YOU KNOW WHO DOESN'T?
PEOPLE WHO KNOW THINGS.

255
00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:51,229
YOU KNOW WHO DOESN'T?
PEOPLE WHO KNOW THINGS.
LIKE DISGRACED ATTORNEY GENERAL

256
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:52,197
PEOPLE WHO KNOW THINGS.
LIKE DISGRACED ATTORNEY GENERAL
AND DINNER GUEST LOOKING FOR A

257
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:57,202
LIKE DISGRACED ATTORNEY GENERAL
AND DINNER GUEST LOOKING FOR A
SNEAKY WAY TO SPIT OUT THE TUNA

258
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:57,636
AND DINNER GUEST LOOKING FOR A
SNEAKY WAY TO SPIT OUT THE TUNA
SURPRISE, BILL BARR.

259
00:08:57,638 --> 00:09:00,071
SNEAKY WAY TO SPIT OUT THE TUNA
SURPRISE, BILL BARR.
BARR SAT DOWN FOR AN INTERVIEW

260
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:01,540
SURPRISE, BILL BARR.
BARR SAT DOWN FOR AN INTERVIEW
WITH JONATHAN KARL AND EXPLAINED

261
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:04,209
BARR SAT DOWN FOR AN INTERVIEW
WITH JONATHAN KARL AND EXPLAINED
THAT, WHEN IT CAME TO ELECTION

262
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,544
WITH JONATHAN KARL AND EXPLAINED
THAT, WHEN IT CAME TO ELECTION
FRAUD, BARR ALWAYS THOUGHT

263
00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:07,245
THAT, WHEN IT CAME TO ELECTION
FRAUD, BARR ALWAYS THOUGHT
"IT WAS ALL (BLEEP)."

264
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:08,580
FRAUD, BARR ALWAYS THOUGHT
"IT WAS ALL (BLEEP)."
AND BILL BARR SHOULD KNOW, HE

265
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:09,548
"IT WAS ALL (BLEEP)."
AND BILL BARR SHOULD KNOW, HE
SPENT THE LAST TWO YEARS WITH

266
00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:10,215
AND BILL BARR SHOULD KNOW, HE
SPENT THE LAST TWO YEARS WITH
HIS LIPS VERY CLOSE TO THAT

267
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:13,552
SPENT THE LAST TWO YEARS WITH
HIS LIPS VERY CLOSE TO THAT
BULL'S ASS.

268
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:16,221
HIS LIPS VERY CLOSE TO THAT
BULL'S ASS.
( LAUGHTER )

269
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:20,792
BULL'S ASS.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )

270
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:21,526
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
BARR SAID THAT HE WAS URGED TO

271
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:22,193
( APPLAUSE )
BARR SAID THAT HE WAS URGED TO
SPEAK OUT BY SENATE MINORITY

272
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:25,530
BARR SAID THAT HE WAS URGED TO
SPEAK OUT BY SENATE MINORITY
LEADER AND LITTLE BOY WHO WILL

273
00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:28,199
SPEAK OUT BY SENATE MINORITY
LEADER AND LITTLE BOY WHO WILL
NOT OPEN HIS MOUTH FOR THE

274
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:33,538
LEADER AND LITTLE BOY WHO WILL
NOT OPEN HIS MOUTH FOR THE
AIRPLANE, MITCH MCCONNELL.

275
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,840
NOT OPEN HIS MOUTH FOR THE
AIRPLANE, MITCH MCCONNELL.
MCCONNELL WOULD HAVE SPOKEN THE

276
00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:37,542
AIRPLANE, MITCH MCCONNELL.
MCCONNELL WOULD HAVE SPOKEN THE
TRUTH HIMSELF LAST DECEMBER, BUT

277
00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:40,078
MCCONNELL WOULD HAVE SPOKEN THE
TRUTH HIMSELF LAST DECEMBER, BUT
HE NEEDED THE

278
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:40,612
TRUTH HIMSELF LAST DECEMBER, BUT
HE NEEDED THE
FORMER PRESIDENT'S HELP TO

279
00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:41,546
HE NEEDED THE
FORMER PRESIDENT'S HELP TO
ENSURE THAT THE G.O.P. WON THE

280
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:45,183
FORMER PRESIDENT'S HELP TO
ENSURE THAT THE G.O.P. WON THE
TWO RUNOFF ELECTIONS IN GEORGIA.

281
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:45,550
ENSURE THAT THE G.O.P. WON THE
TWO RUNOFF ELECTIONS IN GEORGIA.
WHICH THEY LOST.

282
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:54,926
TWO RUNOFF ELECTIONS IN GEORGIA.
WHICH THEY LOST.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

283
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,428
WHICH THEY LOST.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IN THE END, MITCH McCONNELL

284
00:09:56,430 --> 00:10:01,032
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IN THE END, MITCH McCONNELL
SOLD HIS SOUL FOR NOTHING.

285
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:01,533
IN THE END, MITCH McCONNELL
SOLD HIS SOUL FOR NOTHING.
SO, A PRETTY FAIR PRICE.

286
00:10:01,535 --> 00:10:01,833
SOLD HIS SOUL FOR NOTHING.
SO, A PRETTY FAIR PRICE.
( LAUGHTER )

287
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:02,267
SO, A PRETTY FAIR PRICE.
( LAUGHTER )
AMERICA'S MOVED ON.

288
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:02,901
( LAUGHTER )
AMERICA'S MOVED ON.
WE'VE GOT A SHINY NEW PRESIDENT,

289
00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:03,468
AMERICA'S MOVED ON.
WE'VE GOT A SHINY NEW PRESIDENT,
WHO MIGHT BE BUILDING SOME

290
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:04,069
WE'VE GOT A SHINY NEW PRESIDENT,
WHO MIGHT BE BUILDING SOME
SHINY, NEW ROADS.

291
00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:04,636
WHO MIGHT BE BUILDING SOME
SHINY, NEW ROADS.
BECAUSE LAST WEEK, JOE BIDEN

292
00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:05,537
SHINY, NEW ROADS.
BECAUSE LAST WEEK, JOE BIDEN
REACHED A DEAL WITH A BIPARTISAN

293
00:10:05,539 --> 00:10:09,541
BECAUSE LAST WEEK, JOE BIDEN
REACHED A DEAL WITH A BIPARTISAN
GROUP OF SENATORS ON A $974

294
00:10:09,543 --> 00:10:12,377
REACHED A DEAL WITH A BIPARTISAN
GROUP OF SENATORS ON A $974
BILLION INFRASTRUCTURE PROPOSAL.

295
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:13,545
GROUP OF SENATORS ON A $974
BILLION INFRASTRUCTURE PROPOSAL.
THEIR PREVIOUS DISAGREEMENTS ARE

296
00:10:13,547 --> 00:10:16,214
BILLION INFRASTRUCTURE PROPOSAL.
THEIR PREVIOUS DISAGREEMENTS ARE
NOW WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE.

297
00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:17,015
THEIR PREVIOUS DISAGREEMENTS ARE
NOW WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE.
OR TECHNICALLY OVER THE BRIDGE,

298
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:17,616
NOW WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE.
OR TECHNICALLY OVER THE BRIDGE,
'CAUSE THE BRIDGES ARE FALLING

299
00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:21,152
OR TECHNICALLY OVER THE BRIDGE,
'CAUSE THE BRIDGES ARE FALLING
DOWN.

300
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:21,786
'CAUSE THE BRIDGES ARE FALLING
DOWN.
NOW THAT THEY'VE REACHED A DEAL,

301
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:24,155
DOWN.
NOW THAT THEY'VE REACHED A DEAL,
THOSE BIPARTISAN SENATORS HAVE

302
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:25,523
NOW THAT THEY'VE REACHED A DEAL,
THOSE BIPARTISAN SENATORS HAVE
TO GET THEIR COLLEAGUES TO SIGN

303
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:28,193
THOSE BIPARTISAN SENATORS HAVE
TO GET THEIR COLLEAGUES TO SIGN
ON, AND ONE REPUBLICAN DOING THE

304
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:29,527
TO GET THEIR COLLEAGUES TO SIGN
ON, AND ONE REPUBLICAN DOING THE
CONVINCING IS LOUISIANA SENATOR

305
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:31,429
ON, AND ONE REPUBLICAN DOING THE
CONVINCING IS LOUISIANA SENATOR
AND MAN SAYING "WOAH, WOAH,

306
00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:33,531
CONVINCING IS LOUISIANA SENATOR
AND MAN SAYING "WOAH, WOAH,
WOAH, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING

307
00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:37,268
AND MAN SAYING "WOAH, WOAH,
WOAH, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING
ABOUT BOAT SHOES," BILL CASSIDY.

308
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:37,569
WOAH, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING
ABOUT BOAT SHOES," BILL CASSIDY.
( LAUGHTER )

309
00:10:37,571 --> 00:10:39,037
ABOUT BOAT SHOES," BILL CASSIDY.
( LAUGHTER )
YESTERDAY, CASSIDY TALKED ABOUT

310
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:40,205
( LAUGHTER )
YESTERDAY, CASSIDY TALKED ABOUT
HIS WIFE, AND USED HER TO

311
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:43,608
YESTERDAY, CASSIDY TALKED ABOUT
HIS WIFE, AND USED HER TO
EXPLAIN THAT EVERYONE SHOULD

312
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:45,543
HIS WIFE, AND USED HER TO
EXPLAIN THAT EVERYONE SHOULD
BACK THE BILL BECAUSE ROADS AND

313
00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:49,547
EXPLAIN THAT EVERYONE SHOULD
BACK THE BILL BECAUSE ROADS AND
BRIDGES ARE A "WOMAN'S PROBLEM."

314
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:49,981
BACK THE BILL BECAUSE ROADS AND
BRIDGES ARE A "WOMAN'S PROBLEM."
( AUDIENCE REACTS )

315
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:50,248
BRIDGES ARE A "WOMAN'S PROBLEM."
( AUDIENCE REACTS )
( BOOING )

316
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:51,049
( AUDIENCE REACTS )
( BOOING )
CASSIDY'S RIGHT.

317
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:52,217
( BOOING )
CASSIDY'S RIGHT.
HENCE THE FAMOUS ENDING OF

318
00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:55,987
CASSIDY'S RIGHT.
HENCE THE FAMOUS ENDING OF
"THELMA AND LOUISE."

319
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,555
HENCE THE FAMOUS ENDING OF
"THELMA AND LOUISE."
>> OH, NO, THEY NEVER FINISHED

320
00:10:57,557 --> 00:11:02,460
"THELMA AND LOUISE."
>> OH, NO, THEY NEVER FINISHED
THE BRIDGE!

321
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:03,962
>> OH, NO, THEY NEVER FINISHED
THE BRIDGE!
♪♪

322
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:04,262
THE BRIDGE!
♪♪
( APPLAUSE )

323
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:05,330
♪♪
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: SO SAD.

324
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:09,534
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: SO SAD.
SO SAD.

325
00:11:09,536 --> 00:11:10,001
>> Stephen: SO SAD.
SO SAD.
( APPLAUSE )

326
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,936
SO SAD.
( APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN IT

327
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:12,437
( APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN IT
TOGETHER.

328
00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:16,474
>> Jon: SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN IT
TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: BILL CASSIDY MADE

329
00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:16,641
TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: BILL CASSIDY MADE
THE

330
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:17,442
>> Stephen: BILL CASSIDY MADE
THE
OBSERVATION THIS SUNDAY ON

331
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:17,809
THE
OBSERVATION THIS SUNDAY ON
THE MEET PRESS:

332
00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:18,643
OBSERVATION THIS SUNDAY ON
THE MEET PRESS:
>> OFTENTIMES IT IS THE WOMEN,

333
00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:19,244
THE MEET PRESS:
>> OFTENTIMES IT IS THE WOMEN,
ASIDE FROM COMMUTING TO WORK,

334
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:21,546
>> OFTENTIMES IT IS THE WOMEN,
ASIDE FROM COMMUTING TO WORK,
WHO'S ALSO TAKING CHILDREN TO

335
00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:22,213
ASIDE FROM COMMUTING TO WORK,
WHO'S ALSO TAKING CHILDREN TO
SCHOOL OR DOING THE SHOPPING.

336
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,182
WHO'S ALSO TAKING CHILDREN TO
SCHOOL OR DOING THE SHOPPING.
AND THE MORE TIME SHE SPENDS ON

337
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:24,783
SCHOOL OR DOING THE SHOPPING.
AND THE MORE TIME SHE SPENDS ON
THAT ROAD, THE LESS TIME SHE

338
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:25,550
AND THE MORE TIME SHE SPENDS ON
THAT ROAD, THE LESS TIME SHE
SPENDS DOING THINGS OF HIGHER

339
00:11:25,552 --> 00:11:28,219
THAT ROAD, THE LESS TIME SHE
SPENDS DOING THINGS OF HIGHER
VALUE.

340
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:29,821
SPENDS DOING THINGS OF HIGHER
VALUE.
SO, IF YOU SPEAK TO HER, SHE'S

341
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:31,356
VALUE.
SO, IF YOU SPEAK TO HER, SHE'S
GOING TO SAY THIS IS A GOOD

342
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:32,057
SO, IF YOU SPEAK TO HER, SHE'S
GOING TO SAY THIS IS A GOOD
BILL.

343
00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:33,525
GOING TO SAY THIS IS A GOOD
BILL.
>> STEPHEN: (AS CASSIDY)

344
00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:34,192
BILL.
>> STEPHEN: (AS CASSIDY)
"THEN SHE'LL CLARIFY: I MEAN THE

345
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,828
>> STEPHEN: (AS CASSIDY)
"THEN SHE'LL CLARIFY: I MEAN THE
INFRASTRUCTURE BILL.

346
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:37,262
"THEN SHE'LL CLARIFY: I MEAN THE
INFRASTRUCTURE BILL.
NOT MY HUSBAND BILL.

347
00:11:37,264 --> 00:11:37,896
INFRASTRUCTURE BILL.
NOT MY HUSBAND BILL.
HAVE YOU HEARD THE CRAP HE SAYS

348
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:41,499
NOT MY HUSBAND BILL.
HAVE YOU HEARD THE CRAP HE SAYS
ABOUT WOMEN?"

349
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:45,537
HAVE YOU HEARD THE CRAP HE SAYS
ABOUT WOMEN?"
( LAUGHTER )

350
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,772
ABOUT WOMEN?"
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )

351
00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:49,541
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
NOW, ACROSS THE POND, THE TOUR

352
00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:50,642
( APPLAUSE )
NOW, ACROSS THE POND, THE TOUR
DE FRANCE STARTED ON SATURDAY,

353
00:11:50,644 --> 00:11:52,210
NOW, ACROSS THE POND, THE TOUR
DE FRANCE STARTED ON SATURDAY,
AND FOR SOME CYCLISTS, ALSO

354
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,545
DE FRANCE STARTED ON SATURDAY,
AND FOR SOME CYCLISTS, ALSO
ENDED ON SATURDAY.

355
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:54,813
AND FOR SOME CYCLISTS, ALSO
ENDED ON SATURDAY.
BECAUSE THERE WAS A MASSIVE

356
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:57,315
ENDED ON SATURDAY.
BECAUSE THERE WAS A MASSIVE
CRASH DURING THE FIRST STAGE OF

357
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:57,582
BECAUSE THERE WAS A MASSIVE
CRASH DURING THE FIRST STAGE OF
THE RACE.

358
00:11:57,584 --> 00:11:58,216
CRASH DURING THE FIRST STAGE OF
THE RACE.
FIRST, LET ME JUST SAY THAT

359
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:01,553
THE RACE.
FIRST, LET ME JUST SAY THAT
EVERYONE'S GONNA BE OKAY.

360
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:04,022
FIRST, LET ME JUST SAY THAT
EVERYONE'S GONNA BE OKAY.
SECOND, HOLY CRAP:

361
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:04,622
EVERYONE'S GONNA BE OKAY.
SECOND, HOLY CRAP:
OKAY, THERE'S THE PACK, OH, MY

362
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:07,792
SECOND, HOLY CRAP:
OKAY, THERE'S THE PACK, OH, MY
GOD, AND DOWN GOES FRENCHY!

363
00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:08,293
OKAY, THERE'S THE PACK, OH, MY
GOD, AND DOWN GOES FRENCHY!
SEE?

364
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:09,527
GOD, AND DOWN GOES FRENCHY!
SEE?
THAT'S WHY I DON'T RIDE MY BIKE

365
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:12,397
SEE?
THAT'S WHY I DON'T RIDE MY BIKE
ON THE ROAD.

366
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,565
THAT'S WHY I DON'T RIDE MY BIKE
ON THE ROAD.
I BOUGHT A PELOTON.

367
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:17,535
ON THE ROAD.
I BOUGHT A PELOTON.
WHICH I ALSO DON'T RIDE.

368
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:20,004
I BOUGHT A PELOTON.
WHICH I ALSO DON'T RIDE.
THE WORST PART IS WHAT CAUSED

369
00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:21,539
WHICH I ALSO DON'T RIDE.
THE WORST PART IS WHAT CAUSED
THE CRASH: A FAN TRYING TO GET

370
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:25,543
THE WORST PART IS WHAT CAUSED
THE CRASH: A FAN TRYING TO GET
ON CAMERA.

371
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:28,213
THE CRASH: A FAN TRYING TO GET
ON CAMERA.
TO GET OUT THE VITAL MESSAGE:

372
00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:29,280
ON CAMERA.
TO GET OUT THE VITAL MESSAGE:
"ALLEZ OMI OPI," WHICH IS

373
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:29,848
TO GET OUT THE VITAL MESSAGE:
"ALLEZ OMI OPI," WHICH IS
EUROPEAN FOR "GO GRANDMA AND

374
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:33,551
"ALLEZ OMI OPI," WHICH IS
EUROPEAN FOR "GO GRANDMA AND
GRAMPA!"

375
00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:34,219
EUROPEAN FOR "GO GRANDMA AND
GRAMPA!"
VERY SIMILAR TO THE TRAGIC

376
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:39,424
GRAMPA!"
VERY SIMILAR TO THE TRAGIC
ACCIDENT THAT SANK THE TITANIC.

377
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,225
VERY SIMILAR TO THE TRAGIC
ACCIDENT THAT SANK THE TITANIC.
( LAUGHTER )

378
00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:40,992
ACCIDENT THAT SANK THE TITANIC.
( LAUGHTER )
AUTHORITIES ARE STILL LOOKING

379
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:41,593
( LAUGHTER )
AUTHORITIES ARE STILL LOOKING
FOR THE SPECTATOR, AND TOUR DE

380
00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:42,894
AUTHORITIES ARE STILL LOOKING
FOR THE SPECTATOR, AND TOUR DE
FRANCE ORGANIZERS SAY--

381
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:45,063
FOR THE SPECTATOR, AND TOUR DE
FRANCE ORGANIZERS SAY--
(FRENCH ACCENT)

382
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:45,630
FRANCE ORGANIZERS SAY--
(FRENCH ACCENT)
"WE ARE SUING THIS WOMAN WHO

383
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:48,767
(FRENCH ACCENT)
"WE ARE SUING THIS WOMAN WHO
BEHAVED SO BADLY."

384
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:49,534
"WE ARE SUING THIS WOMAN WHO
BEHAVED SO BADLY."
"SHE DISGUSTS ME, HER RACE

385
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:52,203
BEHAVED SO BADLY."
"SHE DISGUSTS ME, HER RACE
ETIQUETTE IS DEPLORAB', YOU'RE

386
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:53,538
"SHE DISGUSTS ME, HER RACE
ETIQUETTE IS DEPLORAB', YOU'RE
NOT SUPPOSED TO BLOCK THE

387
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:55,373
ETIQUETTE IS DEPLORAB', YOU'RE
NOT SUPPOSED TO BLOCK THE
CYCLISTS.

388
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:56,508
NOT SUPPOSED TO BLOCK THE
CYCLISTS.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HAND THEM

389
00:12:56,510 --> 00:12:57,542
CYCLISTS.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HAND THEM
REFRESHING CUPS OF BORDEAUX, A

390
00:12:57,544 --> 00:13:01,546
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HAND THEM
REFRESHING CUPS OF BORDEAUX, A
LIT CIGARETTE, AND OFFER A

391
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:02,080
REFRESHING CUPS OF BORDEAUX, A
LIT CIGARETTE, AND OFFER A
THREE-WAY IN THE BUSHES!"

392
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:02,380
LIT CIGARETTE, AND OFFER A
THREE-WAY IN THE BUSHES!"
( LAUGHTER )

393
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:04,215
THREE-WAY IN THE BUSHES!"
( LAUGHTER )
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU

394
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:05,049
( LAUGHTER )
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.

395
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:05,583
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS TRANSPORTATION

396
00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:07,152
TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS TRANSPORTATION
SECRETARY, MAYOR PETE BUTTIGIEG.

397
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:08,520
MY GUEST IS TRANSPORTATION
SECRETARY, MAYOR PETE BUTTIGIEG.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK

398
00:13:08,522 --> 00:13:09,521
SECRETARY, MAYOR PETE BUTTIGIEG.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK
"MEANWHILE!"

399
00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:11,256
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK
"MEANWHILE!"
STICK AROUND.

400
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,525
"MEANWHILE!"
STICK AROUND.
♪♪

401
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:45,790
♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

402
00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:46,758
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!

403
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,426
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!
GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND

404
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:49,994
WELCOME BACK!
GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND
"STAY HUMAN"!

405
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:59,637
GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND
"STAY HUMAN"!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

406
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:00,672
"STAY HUMAN"!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: JON, YOU AND THAT

407
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:04,008
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: JON, YOU AND THAT
BAND ARE THE GREATEST

408
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:05,243
>> Stephen: JON, YOU AND THAT
BAND ARE THE GREATEST
ANTI-DEPERESSENT I KNOW.

409
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:08,980
BAND ARE THE GREATEST
ANTI-DEPERESSENT I KNOW.
YOU CANNOT BE DOWN LISTENING TO

410
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:09,614
ANTI-DEPERESSENT I KNOW.
YOU CANNOT BE DOWN LISTENING TO
Y'ALL PLAYING!

411
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:12,517
YOU CANNOT BE DOWN LISTENING TO
Y'ALL PLAYING!
>> Jon: YOU'VE GOT TO FEEL

412
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:12,717
Y'ALL PLAYING!
>> Jon: YOU'VE GOT TO FEEL
GOOD!

413
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:13,985
>> Jon: YOU'VE GOT TO FEEL
GOOD!
>> Stephen: YOU GUYS OUGHT TO

414
00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:14,485
GOOD!
>> Stephen: YOU GUYS OUGHT TO
BE BOTTLED.

415
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:16,487
>> Stephen: YOU GUYS OUGHT TO
BE BOTTLED.
>> Jon: YOU GOT TO FEEL GOOD

416
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:17,989
BE BOTTLED.
>> Jon: YOU GOT TO FEEL GOOD
IN THIS LIFE, BABY!

417
00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:19,557
>> Jon: YOU GOT TO FEEL GOOD
IN THIS LIFE, BABY!
LET'S GO!

418
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,926
IN THIS LIFE, BABY!
LET'S GO!
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, I SPEND

419
00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:23,027
LET'S GO!
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, I SPEND
A LOT OF TIME

420
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:23,828
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, I SPEND
A LOT OF TIME
SHUCKING FOR YOU THE DAY'S MOST

421
00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:24,529
A LOT OF TIME
SHUCKING FOR YOU THE DAY'S MOST
TOPICAL CLAMS, BONING THE

422
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:25,063
SHUCKING FOR YOU THE DAY'S MOST
TOPICAL CLAMS, BONING THE
FINEST, MOST CURRENT NEWS

423
00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:25,864
TOPICAL CLAMS, BONING THE
FINEST, MOST CURRENT NEWS
CHICKENS, AND COLLECTING THE

424
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:26,431
FINEST, MOST CURRENT NEWS
CHICKENS, AND COLLECTING THE
HIGHEST QUALITY STORY SHRIMP

425
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:27,332
CHICKENS, AND COLLECTING THE
HIGHEST QUALITY STORY SHRIMP
AND SAFFRON RICE, THEN GENTLY

426
00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:29,167
HIGHEST QUALITY STORY SHRIMP
AND SAFFRON RICE, THEN GENTLY
SIMMERING IT ALL IN A CAST-IRON

427
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:30,001
AND SAFFRON RICE, THEN GENTLY
SIMMERING IT ALL IN A CAST-IRON
COMEDY PAI-YERA, TO CREATE

428
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:33,972
SIMMERING IT ALL IN A CAST-IRON
COMEDY PAI-YERA, TO CREATE
THE FRAGRANT SEAFOOD PAELLA THAT

429
00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:35,006
COMEDY PAI-YERA, TO CREATE
THE FRAGRANT SEAFOOD PAELLA THAT
IS MY MONOLOGUE.

430
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:36,274
THE FRAGRANT SEAFOOD PAELLA THAT
IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, I

431
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:36,908
IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, I
SHAMBLE DOWN TO THE DOCKS WITH A

432
00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:38,009
BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, I
SHAMBLE DOWN TO THE DOCKS WITH A
RUSTY CROWBAR, MANEUVER THROUGH

433
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:39,577
SHAMBLE DOWN TO THE DOCKS WITH A
RUSTY CROWBAR, MANEUVER THROUGH
THE POLLUTED CANAL USING A

434
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:40,812
RUSTY CROWBAR, MANEUVER THROUGH
THE POLLUTED CANAL USING A
MCDONALD'S STRAW AS A SNORKEL,

435
00:14:40,814 --> 00:14:41,980
THE POLLUTED CANAL USING A
MCDONALD'S STRAW AS A SNORKEL,
AND SCRAPE THE BARNACLES OFF A

436
00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:42,680
MCDONALD'S STRAW AS A SNORKEL,
AND SCRAPE THE BARNACLES OFF A
PASSING GARBAGE SCOW, TOSS 'EM

437
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:45,717
AND SCRAPE THE BARNACLES OFF A
PASSING GARBAGE SCOW, TOSS 'EM
IN A POT WITH SOME HALF-USED

438
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:46,217
PASSING GARBAGE SCOW, TOSS 'EM
IN A POT WITH SOME HALF-USED
RAMEN FLAVOR PACKETS AND

439
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,518
IN A POT WITH SOME HALF-USED
RAMEN FLAVOR PACKETS AND
MOUNTAIN DEW, TO BREW FOR YOU

440
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:48,686
RAMEN FLAVOR PACKETS AND
MOUNTAIN DEW, TO BREW FOR YOU
THE CHUNKY STEW OF NEWS THAT IS

441
00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:53,992
MOUNTAIN DEW, TO BREW FOR YOU
THE CHUNKY STEW OF NEWS THAT IS
MY SEGMENT:

442
00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:54,993
THE CHUNKY STEW OF NEWS THAT IS
MY SEGMENT:
"MEANWHILE!"

443
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:55,193
MY SEGMENT:
"MEANWHILE!"
♪♪

444
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:58,463
"MEANWHILE!"
♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

445
00:14:58,465 --> 00:14:59,364
♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LOOK AT THAT.

446
00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:01,432
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LOOK AT THAT.
WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT!

447
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:05,970
LOOK AT THAT.
WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT!
WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT!

448
00:15:10,042 --> 00:15:12,677
MEANWHILE, NEW YORK CITY IS
BACK, BABY!
ON SATURDAY, "SPRINGSTEEN ON

449
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:13,978
BACK, BABY!
ON SATURDAY, "SPRINGSTEEN ON
BROADWAY" BECAME THE FIRST

450
00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:17,482
ON SATURDAY, "SPRINGSTEEN ON
BROADWAY" BECAME THE FIRST
FULL-LENGTH SHOW TO TAKE THE

451
00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:17,982
BROADWAY" BECAME THE FIRST
FULL-LENGTH SHOW TO TAKE THE
STAGE SINCE THE COVID-19

452
00:15:17,984 --> 00:15:22,820
FULL-LENGTH SHOW TO TAKE THE
STAGE SINCE THE COVID-19
PANDEMIC SHUT IT ALL DOWN!

453
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:24,055
STAGE SINCE THE COVID-19
PANDEMIC SHUT IT ALL DOWN!
YES, HOP ON A DOWNBOUND TRAIN TO

454
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:24,689
PANDEMIC SHUT IT ALL DOWN!
YES, HOP ON A DOWNBOUND TRAIN TO
THE LAND OF HOPES AND DREAMS

455
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:25,990
YES, HOP ON A DOWNBOUND TRAIN TO
THE LAND OF HOPES AND DREAMS
BECAUSE THE BOSS IS ON FIRE AND

456
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:28,126
THE LAND OF HOPES AND DREAMS
BECAUSE THE BOSS IS ON FIRE AND
HAS A HUNGRY HEART TO RETURN TO

457
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:29,260
BECAUSE THE BOSS IS ON FIRE AND
HAS A HUNGRY HEART TO RETURN TO
HIS GLORY DAYS IN A SHOW THAT

458
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:29,994
HAS A HUNGRY HEART TO RETURN TO
HIS GLORY DAYS IN A SHOW THAT
WAS BORN TO RUN.

459
00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:33,998
HIS GLORY DAYS IN A SHOW THAT
WAS BORN TO RUN.
NEBRASKA!

460
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:38,002
WAS BORN TO RUN.
NEBRASKA!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

461
00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:39,170
NEBRASKA!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF )

462
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:41,806
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF )
>> Stephen: SLIGHTLY

463
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:42,707
( PIANO RIFF )
>> Stephen: SLIGHTLY
SUSPICIOUS, THOUGH,

464
00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:44,475
>> Stephen: SLIGHTLY
SUSPICIOUS, THOUGH,
THAT BRUCE IS DOING THIS JUST

465
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:45,043
SUSPICIOUS, THOUGH,
THAT BRUCE IS DOING THIS JUST
WEEKS AFTER "THE LATE SHOW."

466
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:45,576
THAT BRUCE IS DOING THIS JUST
WEEKS AFTER "THE LATE SHOW."
AND A TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO

467
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:46,177
WEEKS AFTER "THE LATE SHOW."
AND A TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO
BROADWAY WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST

468
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:47,712
AND A TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO
BROADWAY WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST
IDEA BRUCE STOLE FROM ME.

469
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:48,713
BROADWAY WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST
IDEA BRUCE STOLE FROM ME.
BACK IN THE DAY, HE ALSO RIPPED

470
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:53,985
IDEA BRUCE STOLE FROM ME.
BACK IN THE DAY, HE ALSO RIPPED
OFF MY SIGNATURE LOOK.

471
00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:56,888
BACK IN THE DAY, HE ALSO RIPPED
OFF MY SIGNATURE LOOK.
( LAUGHTER )

472
00:15:56,890 --> 00:15:57,956
OFF MY SIGNATURE LOOK.
( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, IN LIGHTER NEWS, A

473
00:15:57,958 --> 00:16:00,692
( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, IN LIGHTER NEWS, A
NEW STUDY HAS FOUND THAT THE

474
00:16:00,694 --> 00:16:05,930
MEANWHILE, IN LIGHTER NEWS, A
NEW STUDY HAS FOUND THAT THE
AGING PROCESS IS UNSTOPPABLE.

475
00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:06,698
NEW STUDY HAS FOUND THAT THE
AGING PROCESS IS UNSTOPPABLE.
YES.

476
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:09,834
AGING PROCESS IS UNSTOPPABLE.
YES.
I AM AWARE.

477
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:10,468
YES.
I AM AWARE.
ACCORDING TO THE STUDY, DESPITE

478
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,704
I AM AWARE.
ACCORDING TO THE STUDY, DESPITE
ALL OUR RESEARCH INTO GENOMICS

479
00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:15,940
ACCORDING TO THE STUDY, DESPITE
ALL OUR RESEARCH INTO GENOMICS
AND A.I., HUMANS CANNOT SLOW THE

480
00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:17,141
ALL OUR RESEARCH INTO GENOMICS
AND A.I., HUMANS CANNOT SLOW THE
RATE AT WHICH THEY GET OLDER

481
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,009
AND A.I., HUMANS CANNOT SLOW THE
RATE AT WHICH THEY GET OLDER
BECAUSE OF BIOLOGICAL

482
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:18,710
RATE AT WHICH THEY GET OLDER
BECAUSE OF BIOLOGICAL
CONSTRAINTS.

483
00:16:18,712 --> 00:16:21,479
BECAUSE OF BIOLOGICAL
CONSTRAINTS.
THEN, FOR GOD'S SAKE, SOMEONE

484
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:21,980
CONSTRAINTS.
THEN, FOR GOD'S SAKE, SOMEONE
TELL THAT TO PAUL RUDD!

485
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:24,716
THEN, FOR GOD'S SAKE, SOMEONE
TELL THAT TO PAUL RUDD!
THAT'S 52?

486
00:16:24,718 --> 00:16:25,984
TELL THAT TO PAUL RUDD!
THAT'S 52?
I WILL CAPTURE YOU AND STEAL

487
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:38,596
THAT'S 52?
I WILL CAPTURE YOU AND STEAL
YOUR MAGIC BEANS, YOU WARLOCK!

488
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:38,896
I WILL CAPTURE YOU AND STEAL
YOUR MAGIC BEANS, YOU WARLOCK!
( APPLAUSE )

489
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:42,000
YOUR MAGIC BEANS, YOU WARLOCK!
( APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, MICROSOFT ANNOUNCED

490
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:42,700
( APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, MICROSOFT ANNOUNCED
THEY WILL RELEASE THE XBOX

491
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:46,004
MEANWHILE, MICROSOFT ANNOUNCED
THEY WILL RELEASE THE XBOX
SERIES X MINI FRIDGE THIS

492
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:48,706
THEY WILL RELEASE THE XBOX
SERIES X MINI FRIDGE THIS
HOLIDAY SEASON.

493
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:52,377
SERIES X MINI FRIDGE THIS
HOLIDAY SEASON.
WHAT DO THOSE WORDS MEAN

494
00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:53,978
HOLIDAY SEASON.
WHAT DO THOSE WORDS MEAN
( LAUGHTER )

495
00:16:53,980 --> 00:17:00,585
WHAT DO THOSE WORDS MEAN
( LAUGHTER )
APPARENTLY, THEY MEAN THIS:

496
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:08,526
( LAUGHTER )
APPARENTLY, THEY MEAN THIS:
( ACTION MUSIC )

497
00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:12,697
HOPEFULLY, THIS WILL BE A MORE
SUCCESSFUL
GAMING-PLATFORM-SLASH-HOUSEHOLD-

498
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:13,998
SUCCESSFUL
GAMING-PLATFORM-SLASH-HOUSEHOLD-
APPLIANCE

499
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,968
GAMING-PLATFORM-SLASH-HOUSEHOLD-
APPLIANCE
CROSSOVER THAN THE OCCULUS

500
00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:18,002
APPLIANCE
CROSSOVER THAN THE OCCULUS
TOASTER.

501
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:20,371
CROSSOVER THAN THE OCCULUS
TOASTER.
( LAUGHTER )

502
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:20,838
TOASTER.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )

503
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:24,375
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
THAT WAS PAINFUL.

504
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:25,109
( APPLAUSE )
THAT WAS PAINFUL.
SLIGHTLY PAINFUL.

505
00:17:25,111 --> 00:17:28,413
THAT WAS PAINFUL.
SLIGHTLY PAINFUL.
>> Jon: THEY COME OUT SO

506
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:29,447
SLIGHTLY PAINFUL.
>> Jon: THEY COME OUT SO
CRISPY!

507
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:32,784
>> Jon: THEY COME OUT SO
CRISPY!
>> Stephen: MEANWHILE,

508
00:17:32,786 --> 00:17:33,184
CRISPY!
>> Stephen: MEANWHILE,
CONGRATULATIONS TO

509
00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:33,985
>> Stephen: MEANWHILE,
CONGRATULATIONS TO
GIANT PANDAS RI RI AND SHIN

510
00:17:33,987 --> 00:17:36,387
CONGRATULATIONS TO
GIANT PANDAS RI RI AND SHIN
SHIN, WHO JUST GAVE BIRTH TO

511
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:36,921
GIANT PANDAS RI RI AND SHIN
SHIN, WHO JUST GAVE BIRTH TO
TWIN CUBS AT A TOKYO ZOO.

512
00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:37,989
SHIN, WHO JUST GAVE BIRTH TO
TWIN CUBS AT A TOKYO ZOO.
MAZEL TOV TO THE NEW MOTHER!

513
00:17:37,991 --> 00:17:41,592
TWIN CUBS AT A TOKYO ZOO.
MAZEL TOV TO THE NEW MOTHER!
IF YOU WANT TO GET THEM A GIFT,

514
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,628
MAZEL TOV TO THE NEW MOTHER!
IF YOU WANT TO GET THEM A GIFT,
THE PANDAS ARE REGISTERED AT

515
00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:47,465
IF YOU WANT TO GET THEM A GIFT,
THE PANDAS ARE REGISTERED AT
BED, BATH AND BAMBOO.

516
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:48,199
THE PANDAS ARE REGISTERED AT
BED, BATH AND BAMBOO.
( LAUGHTER )

517
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:48,733
BED, BATH AND BAMBOO.
( LAUGHTER )
PANDA BOINKING IS RARE.

518
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,001
( LAUGHTER )
PANDA BOINKING IS RARE.
IN FACT, THE COITUS THAT LED TO

519
00:17:50,003 --> 00:17:54,005
PANDA BOINKING IS RARE.
IN FACT, THE COITUS THAT LED TO
THESE TWINS WAS THE FIRST AFTER

520
00:17:54,007 --> 00:17:54,472
IN FACT, THE COITUS THAT LED TO
THESE TWINS WAS THE FIRST AFTER
A FOUR-YEAR HIATUS.

521
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:57,442
THESE TWINS WAS THE FIRST AFTER
A FOUR-YEAR HIATUS.
COME ON, MAKES SENSE.

522
00:17:57,444 --> 00:17:58,009
A FOUR-YEAR HIATUS.
COME ON, MAKES SENSE.
I KNOW I HAVE A HARD TIME

523
00:17:58,011 --> 00:17:58,843
COME ON, MAKES SENSE.
I KNOW I HAVE A HARD TIME
PERFORMING WHEN A THIRD GRADE

524
00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:00,711
I KNOW I HAVE A HARD TIME
PERFORMING WHEN A THIRD GRADE
FIELD TRIP IS WATCHING ME

525
00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:01,979
PERFORMING WHEN A THIRD GRADE
FIELD TRIP IS WATCHING ME
THROUGH PLEXIGLASS.

526
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:12,723
FIELD TRIP IS WATCHING ME
THROUGH PLEXIGLASS.
( LAUGHTER )

527
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:13,858
THROUGH PLEXIGLASS.
( LAUGHTER )
( PIANO RIFF )

528
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:14,158
( LAUGHTER )
( PIANO RIFF )
( APPLAUSE )

529
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:17,995
( PIANO RIFF )
( APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, "THE U.K. WILL BAN

530
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:18,729
( APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, "THE U.K. WILL BAN
JUNK FOOD ADVERTISING ONLINE AND

531
00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:21,999
MEANWHILE, "THE U.K. WILL BAN
JUNK FOOD ADVERTISING ONLINE AND
BEFORE 9:00 P.M. ON TV STARTING

532
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:24,735
JUNK FOOD ADVERTISING ONLINE AND
BEFORE 9:00 P.M. ON TV STARTING
IN 2023."

533
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:25,103
BEFORE 9:00 P.M. ON TV STARTING
IN 2023."
OH, NO!

534
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:26,003
IN 2023."
OH, NO!
NOW HOW WILL THE ENGLISH LEARN

535
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:27,939
OH, NO!
NOW HOW WILL THE ENGLISH LEARN
ABOUT BRITISH SNACKS LIKE

536
00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:29,607
NOW HOW WILL THE ENGLISH LEARN
ABOUT BRITISH SNACKS LIKE
RASPBERRY BLIMEYS; MALT VINEGAR

537
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:30,174
ABOUT BRITISH SNACKS LIKE
RASPBERRY BLIMEYS; MALT VINEGAR
FANNY PRATS; TANGERINE JAMMY

538
00:18:30,176 --> 00:18:33,611
RASPBERRY BLIMEYS; MALT VINEGAR
FANNY PRATS; TANGERINE JAMMY
NANS: CHOCOLATE COBBLY WOBBLES;

539
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:34,212
FANNY PRATS; TANGERINE JAMMY
NANS: CHOCOLATE COBBLY WOBBLES;
LEMON CHEEKIES; JELLIED WONKY

540
00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:36,714
NANS: CHOCOLATE COBBLY WOBBLES;
LEMON CHEEKIES; JELLIED WONKY
DIMPLES; SLIPPERY GINGER

541
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,015
LEMON CHEEKIES; JELLIED WONKY
DIMPLES; SLIPPERY GINGER
KNACKERS; SOUR BOGGY SHAMBLES;

542
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:41,986
DIMPLES; SLIPPERY GINGER
KNACKERS; SOUR BOGGY SHAMBLES;
MARZIPAN CHUMBLEY WUMBLES; AND

543
00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:46,891
KNACKERS; SOUR BOGGY SHAMBLES;
MARZIPAN CHUMBLEY WUMBLES; AND
PEPPERMINT STICKY CHAVVY KNOBS?

544
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:47,191
MARZIPAN CHUMBLEY WUMBLES; AND
PEPPERMINT STICKY CHAVVY KNOBS?
( LAUGHTER )

545
00:18:47,193 --> 00:18:49,794
PEPPERMINT STICKY CHAVVY KNOBS?
( LAUGHTER )
I ASSUME I MADE UP SOME OF

546
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:49,994
( LAUGHTER )
I ASSUME I MADE UP SOME OF
THOSE.

547
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:51,762
I ASSUME I MADE UP SOME OF
THOSE.
( LAUGHTER )

548
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:53,831
THOSE.
( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, "THE GUARDIAN"

549
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:54,332
( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, "THE GUARDIAN"
RECENTLY ASKED "IS CARA

550
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:57,768
MEANWHILE, "THE GUARDIAN"
RECENTLY ASKED "IS CARA
DELEVINGNE'S VAGINA TUNNEL THE

551
00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:58,269
RECENTLY ASKED "IS CARA
DELEVINGNE'S VAGINA TUNNEL THE
START OF SOMETHING BIG?"

552
00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:01,739
DELEVINGNE'S VAGINA TUNNEL THE
START OF SOMETHING BIG?"
I DUNNO.

553
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:02,039
START OF SOMETHING BIG?"
I DUNNO.
( LAUGHTER )

554
00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:03,174
I DUNNO.
( LAUGHTER )
BUT IT'S THE START OF ME ASKING

555
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:05,109
( LAUGHTER )
BUT IT'S THE START OF ME ASKING
"WHAT IS CARA DELEVINGNE'S

556
00:19:05,111 --> 00:19:05,977
BUT IT'S THE START OF ME ASKING
"WHAT IS CARA DELEVINGNE'S
VAGINA TUNNEL?"

557
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:09,080
"WHAT IS CARA DELEVINGNE'S
VAGINA TUNNEL?"
TURNS OUT, DELEVINGNE JUST GAVE

558
00:19:09,082 --> 00:19:10,014
VAGINA TUNNEL?"
TURNS OUT, DELEVINGNE JUST GAVE
A TOUR OF HER L.A. HOME TO

559
00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:12,717
TURNS OUT, DELEVINGNE JUST GAVE
A TOUR OF HER L.A. HOME TO
"ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST" WHERE SHE

560
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:16,554
A TOUR OF HER L.A. HOME TO
"ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST" WHERE SHE
HIGHLIGHTED A UNIQUE FEATURE.

561
00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:17,321
"ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST" WHERE SHE
HIGHLIGHTED A UNIQUE FEATURE.
>> SO, THIS IS MY VAGINA TUNNEL.

562
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:17,755
HIGHLIGHTED A UNIQUE FEATURE.
>> SO, THIS IS MY VAGINA TUNNEL.
SHALL I GO THROUGH?

563
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:18,256
>> SO, THIS IS MY VAGINA TUNNEL.
SHALL I GO THROUGH?
I'M GOING TO GO THROUGH.

564
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:21,759
SHALL I GO THROUGH?
I'M GOING TO GO THROUGH.
OH, GOD.

565
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:22,260
I'M GOING TO GO THROUGH.
OH, GOD.
AND THEN YOU'RE INSIDE.

566
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:23,728
OH, GOD.
AND THEN YOU'RE INSIDE.
DO YOU WANT TO COME IN, ALFIE?

567
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:24,729
AND THEN YOU'RE INSIDE.
DO YOU WANT TO COME IN, ALFIE?
COME ON, BABY.

568
00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:25,997
DO YOU WANT TO COME IN, ALFIE?
COME ON, BABY.
I COME IN HERE TO THINK.

569
00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:26,531
COME ON, BABY.
I COME IN HERE TO THINK.
I COME IN HERE TO CREATE.

570
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:29,867
I COME IN HERE TO THINK.
I COME IN HERE TO CREATE.
I FEEL INSPIRED IN THE VAGINA

571
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:30,101
I COME IN HERE TO CREATE.
I FEEL INSPIRED IN THE VAGINA
TUNNEL.

572
00:19:30,103 --> 00:19:30,735
I FEEL INSPIRED IN THE VAGINA
TUNNEL.
>> STEPHEN: MUST BE NICE TO HAVE

573
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:34,005
TUNNEL.
>> STEPHEN: MUST BE NICE TO HAVE
ENOUGH SPACE FOR YOUR OWN VAGINA

574
00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:36,741
>> STEPHEN: MUST BE NICE TO HAVE
ENOUGH SPACE FOR YOUR OWN VAGINA
TUNNEL.

575
00:19:36,743 --> 00:19:41,979
ENOUGH SPACE FOR YOUR OWN VAGINA
TUNNEL.
( LAUGHTER )

576
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:46,817
TUNNEL.
( LAUGHTER )
( PIANO RIFF )

577
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:49,987
( LAUGHTER )
( PIANO RIFF )
CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF THE PHOTO.

578
00:19:49,989 --> 00:20:03,034
( PIANO RIFF )
CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF THE PHOTO.
( LAUGHTER )

579
00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:08,039
CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF THE PHOTO.
( LAUGHTER )
CAUGHT ME BY SURPRISE.

580
00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:08,606
( LAUGHTER )
CAUGHT ME BY SURPRISE.
IN NEW YORK, YOU'RE LUCKY IF

581
00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:10,007
CAUGHT ME BY SURPRISE.
IN NEW YORK, YOU'RE LUCKY IF
THERE'S A SHARED VAGINA TUNNEL

582
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:12,710
IN NEW YORK, YOU'RE LUCKY IF
THERE'S A SHARED VAGINA TUNNEL
FOR THE WHOLE BUILDING.

583
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,011
THERE'S A SHARED VAGINA TUNNEL
FOR THE WHOLE BUILDING.
OF COURSE, IT'S NOT REALLY A

584
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:15,046
FOR THE WHOLE BUILDING.
OF COURSE, IT'S NOT REALLY A
TUNNEL UNLESS IT LEADS

585
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:16,547
OF COURSE, IT'S NOT REALLY A
TUNNEL UNLESS IT LEADS
SOMEWHERE, WHICH IT DOES!

586
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,982
TUNNEL UNLESS IT LEADS
SOMEWHERE, WHICH IT DOES!
TAKE A LOOK.

587
00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:18,683
SOMEWHERE, WHICH IT DOES!
TAKE A LOOK.
>> SO, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU

588
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:20,985
TAKE A LOOK.
>> SO, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU
WHERE THIS LOVELY LABIA LEADS.

589
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:21,352
>> SO, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU
WHERE THIS LOVELY LABIA LEADS.
SEE YOU THERE.

590
00:20:21,354 --> 00:20:21,986
WHERE THIS LOVELY LABIA LEADS.
SEE YOU THERE.
OH, GOD, LEO.

591
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:29,994
SEE YOU THERE.
OH, GOD, LEO.
WATCH OUT.

592
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:33,331
OH, GOD, LEO.
WATCH OUT.
♪♪

593
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:33,631
WATCH OUT.
♪♪
OH, MY GOSH.

594
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:34,265
♪♪
OH, MY GOSH.
>> STEPHEN: THE EXIT IS A DRYER

595
00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:37,368
OH, MY GOSH.
>> STEPHEN: THE EXIT IS A DRYER
DOOR!

596
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:37,969
>> STEPHEN: THE EXIT IS A DRYER
DOOR!
PRO TIP: ALWAYS CLEAN OUT YOUR

597
00:20:37,971 --> 00:20:42,006
DOOR!
PRO TIP: ALWAYS CLEAN OUT YOUR
VAGINA TUNNEL'S LINT TRAP.

598
00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:43,975
PRO TIP: ALWAYS CLEAN OUT YOUR
VAGINA TUNNEL'S LINT TRAP.
IT'S A REAL FIRE HAZARD.

599
00:20:43,977 --> 00:20:44,275
VAGINA TUNNEL'S LINT TRAP.
IT'S A REAL FIRE HAZARD.
( LAUGHTER )

600
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:44,775
IT'S A REAL FIRE HAZARD.
( LAUGHTER )
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH

601
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:46,010
( LAUGHTER )
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY, MAYOR

602
00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:46,844
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY, MAYOR
PETE BUTTIGIEG.

603
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:47,878
TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY, MAYOR
PETE BUTTIGIEG.
♪♪

604
00:20:58,690 --> 00:21:04,695
♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

605
00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:06,664
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!

606
00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:09,433
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, JOINING ME

607
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:11,769
WELCOME BACK!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, JOINING ME
TONIGHT IS THE

608
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:12,403
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, JOINING ME
TONIGHT IS THE
POLITICIAN FORMERLY KNOWN AS

609
00:21:12,405 --> 00:21:13,771
TONIGHT IS THE
POLITICIAN FORMERLY KNOWN AS
MAYOR PETE, WHO NOW LEADS THE

610
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:14,572
POLITICIAN FORMERLY KNOWN AS
MAYOR PETE, WHO NOW LEADS THE
DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION.

611
00:21:14,574 --> 00:21:15,439
MAYOR PETE, WHO NOW LEADS THE
DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE

612
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:18,609
DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE
SHOW," SECRETARY PETER

613
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,445
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE
SHOW," SECRETARY PETER
BUTTIGIEG.

614
00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:26,617
SHOW," SECRETARY PETER
BUTTIGIEG.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

615
00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:42,700
BUTTIGIEG.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪

616
00:21:44,670 --> 00:21:47,104
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> Stephen: IT'S NICE TO SEE
YOU AGAIN!

617
00:21:47,106 --> 00:21:48,039
>> Stephen: IT'S NICE TO SEE
YOU AGAIN!
>> IT'S NICE TO BE BACK.

618
00:21:48,041 --> 00:21:49,674
YOU AGAIN!
>> IT'S NICE TO BE BACK.
>> Stephen: WE HAD A FEW

619
00:21:49,676 --> 00:21:51,242
>> IT'S NICE TO BE BACK.
>> Stephen: WE HAD A FEW
CHANCES TO TALK OVER THE

620
00:21:51,244 --> 00:21:51,575
>> Stephen: WE HAD A FEW
CHANCES TO TALK OVER THE
CAMPAIGN 2020.

621
00:21:51,577 --> 00:21:52,576
CHANCES TO TALK OVER THE
CAMPAIGN 2020.
HAVE YOU BEEN IN FRONT OF A

622
00:21:52,578 --> 00:21:54,545
CAMPAIGN 2020.
HAVE YOU BEEN IN FRONT OF A
CROWD LIKE THIS SINCE COVID

623
00:21:54,547 --> 00:21:54,779
HAVE YOU BEEN IN FRONT OF A
CROWD LIKE THIS SINCE COVID
OPENED?

624
00:21:54,781 --> 00:21:56,981
CROWD LIKE THIS SINCE COVID
OPENED?
>> NO, NOT IN A YEAR AND A HALF.

625
00:21:56,983 --> 00:21:57,481
OPENED?
>> NO, NOT IN A YEAR AND A HALF.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

626
00:21:57,483 --> 00:21:59,150
>> NO, NOT IN A YEAR AND A HALF.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WELL, THERE'S NO

627
00:21:59,152 --> 00:21:59,784
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WELL, THERE'S NO
BETTER CROWD.

628
00:21:59,786 --> 00:22:01,886
>> Stephen: WELL, THERE'S NO
BETTER CROWD.
THERE'S NO BETTER CROWD.

629
00:22:01,888 --> 00:22:02,820
BETTER CROWD.
THERE'S NO BETTER CROWD.
NOW, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU

630
00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:05,456
THERE'S NO BETTER CROWD.
NOW, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU
AND I HAVE SPOKEN SINCE YOU'VE

631
00:22:05,458 --> 00:22:08,626
NOW, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU
AND I HAVE SPOKEN SINCE YOU'VE
JOINED THE CABINET.

632
00:22:08,628 --> 00:22:14,131
AND I HAVE SPOKEN SINCE YOU'VE
JOINED THE CABINET.
IS IT SECRETARY MAYOR PETE -- I

633
00:22:14,133 --> 00:22:15,866
JOINED THE CABINET.
IS IT SECRETARY MAYOR PETE -- I
CALLED YOU SECRETARY PETER

634
00:22:15,868 --> 00:22:16,133
IS IT SECRETARY MAYOR PETE -- I
CALLED YOU SECRETARY PETER
BUTTIGIEG.

635
00:22:16,135 --> 00:22:17,735
CALLED YOU SECRETARY PETER
BUTTIGIEG.
ARE YOU GOING WITH THE HARD R ON

636
00:22:17,737 --> 00:22:19,403
BUTTIGIEG.
ARE YOU GOING WITH THE HARD R ON
THE END NOW THAT YOU'RE ONE OF

637
00:22:19,405 --> 00:22:21,405
ARE YOU GOING WITH THE HARD R ON
THE END NOW THAT YOU'RE ONE OF
THE MOVERS AND SHAKERS?

638
00:22:21,407 --> 00:22:22,606
THE END NOW THAT YOU'RE ONE OF
THE MOVERS AND SHAKERS?
>> I'M NOT THAT FANCY.

639
00:22:22,608 --> 00:22:24,642
THE MOVERS AND SHAKERS?
>> I'M NOT THAT FANCY.
I THINK I'LL STICK WITH PEETE.

640
00:22:24,644 --> 00:22:26,077
>> I'M NOT THAT FANCY.
I THINK I'LL STICK WITH PEETE.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE THE FIRST

641
00:22:26,079 --> 00:22:27,411
I THINK I'LL STICK WITH PEETE.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE THE FIRST
OPENLY GAY MEMBER OF A CABINET

642
00:22:27,413 --> 00:22:30,614
>> Stephen: YOU ARE THE FIRST
OPENLY GAY MEMBER OF A CABINET
IN THE UNITED STATES.

643
00:22:30,616 --> 00:22:35,119
OPENLY GAY MEMBER OF A CABINET
IN THE UNITED STATES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

644
00:22:35,121 --> 00:22:37,722
IN THE UNITED STATES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU SPOKE AT A WHITE HOUSE PRIDE

645
00:22:37,724 --> 00:22:39,557
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU SPOKE AT A WHITE HOUSE PRIDE
MONTH EVENT, AND I'M JUST

646
00:22:39,559 --> 00:22:41,459
YOU SPOKE AT A WHITE HOUSE PRIDE
MONTH EVENT, AND I'M JUST
CURIOUS, WHAT WAS THE MESSAGE

647
00:22:41,461 --> 00:22:43,227
MONTH EVENT, AND I'M JUST
CURIOUS, WHAT WAS THE MESSAGE
THAT YOU WANTED TO CONVEY TO THE

648
00:22:43,229 --> 00:22:45,296
CURIOUS, WHAT WAS THE MESSAGE
THAT YOU WANTED TO CONVEY TO THE
PEOPLE THERE WHO WERE LISTENING,

649
00:22:45,298 --> 00:22:46,597
THAT YOU WANTED TO CONVEY TO THE
PEOPLE THERE WHO WERE LISTENING,
AND WHAT DO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO

650
00:22:46,599 --> 00:22:48,899
PEOPLE THERE WHO WERE LISTENING,
AND WHAT DO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO
UNDERSTAND ABOUT WHAT THIS

651
00:22:48,901 --> 00:22:49,800
AND WHAT DO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO
UNDERSTAND ABOUT WHAT THIS
MILESTONE MEANS?

652
00:22:49,802 --> 00:22:50,868
UNDERSTAND ABOUT WHAT THIS
MILESTONE MEANS?
>> WELL, THE BIGGEST THING WAS

653
00:22:50,870 --> 00:22:52,636
MILESTONE MEANS?
>> WELL, THE BIGGEST THING WAS
JUST TO THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH HAS

654
00:22:52,638 --> 00:22:54,271
>> WELL, THE BIGGEST THING WAS
JUST TO THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH HAS
CHANGED AND HOW MUCH CHANGE IS

655
00:22:54,273 --> 00:22:56,407
JUST TO THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH HAS
CHANGED AND HOW MUCH CHANGE IS
POSSIBLE, AND IT'S NOT JUST -- I

656
00:22:56,409 --> 00:22:57,441
CHANGED AND HOW MUCH CHANGE IS
POSSIBLE, AND IT'S NOT JUST -- I
MEAN, CERTAINLY BEING THE FIRST

657
00:22:57,443 --> 00:22:59,910
POSSIBLE, AND IT'S NOT JUST -- I
MEAN, CERTAINLY BEING THE FIRST
OUT MEMBER CABINET CONFIRMED BY

658
00:22:59,912 --> 00:23:03,414
MEAN, CERTAINLY BEING THE FIRST
OUT MEMBER CABINET CONFIRMED BY
THE SENATE, I SHOULD SAY, TO BE

659
00:23:03,416 --> 00:23:04,281
OUT MEMBER CABINET CONFIRMED BY
THE SENATE, I SHOULD SAY, TO BE
HISTORICALLY ACCURATE.

660
00:23:04,283 --> 00:23:06,650
THE SENATE, I SHOULD SAY, TO BE
HISTORICALLY ACCURATE.
BUT IT WASN'T THAT LONG AGO, IN

661
00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:09,286
HISTORICALLY ACCURATE.
BUT IT WASN'T THAT LONG AGO, IN
THE '50s THERE WAS THE

662
00:23:09,288 --> 00:23:09,720
BUT IT WASN'T THAT LONG AGO, IN
THE '50s THERE WAS THE
LAVENDER SCARE.

663
00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:12,089
THE '50s THERE WAS THE
LAVENDER SCARE.
YOU COULDN'T EVEN BE A

664
00:23:12,091 --> 00:23:12,923
LAVENDER SCARE.
YOU COULDN'T EVEN BE A
BOOKKEEPER OR ASTRONOMER IN THE

665
00:23:12,925 --> 00:23:13,758
YOU COULDN'T EVEN BE A
BOOKKEEPER OR ASTRONOMER IN THE
GOVERNMENT WITHOUT YOUR JOB

666
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,193
BOOKKEEPER OR ASTRONOMER IN THE
GOVERNMENT WITHOUT YOUR JOB
BEING AT RISK IF YOU WERE GAY.

667
00:23:16,195 --> 00:23:17,495
GOVERNMENT WITHOUT YOUR JOB
BEING AT RISK IF YOU WERE GAY.
SO I WANTED TO CONVEY A SENSE OF

668
00:23:17,497 --> 00:23:19,797
BEING AT RISK IF YOU WERE GAY.
SO I WANTED TO CONVEY A SENSE OF
HOW MUCH HAS CHANGED IN A SHORT

669
00:23:19,799 --> 00:23:21,699
SO I WANTED TO CONVEY A SENSE OF
HOW MUCH HAS CHANGED IN A SHORT
AMOUNT OF TIME BUT ALSO HOW FAR

670
00:23:21,701 --> 00:23:22,600
HOW MUCH HAS CHANGED IN A SHORT
AMOUNT OF TIME BUT ALSO HOW FAR
WE HAVE TO GO.

671
00:23:22,602 --> 00:23:24,735
AMOUNT OF TIME BUT ALSO HOW FAR
WE HAVE TO GO.
AS WE SPEAK IN STATES AROUND THE

672
00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:26,604
WE HAVE TO GO.
AS WE SPEAK IN STATES AROUND THE
COUNTRY, THERE ARE POLITICIANS

673
00:23:26,606 --> 00:23:30,040
AS WE SPEAK IN STATES AROUND THE
COUNTRY, THERE ARE POLITICIANS
WHO DECIDED IT'S GOOD POLITICS

674
00:23:30,042 --> 00:23:33,944
COUNTRY, THERE ARE POLITICIANS
WHO DECIDED IT'S GOOD POLITICS
TO ATTACK TRANSGENDER KIDS, SOME

675
00:23:33,946 --> 00:23:36,747
WHO DECIDED IT'S GOOD POLITICS
TO ATTACK TRANSGENDER KIDS, SOME
OF THE MOST VULNERABLE PEOPLE IN

676
00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:37,181
TO ATTACK TRANSGENDER KIDS, SOME
OF THE MOST VULNERABLE PEOPLE IN
OUR SOCIETY.

677
00:23:37,183 --> 00:23:39,417
OF THE MOST VULNERABLE PEOPLE IN
OUR SOCIETY.
HIGH SCHOOL IS TERRIFYING WHEN

678
00:23:39,419 --> 00:23:41,318
OUR SOCIETY.
HIGH SCHOOL IS TERRIFYING WHEN
YOU'RE NOT TRANSGENDER.

679
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,521
HIGH SCHOOL IS TERRIFYING WHEN
YOU'RE NOT TRANSGENDER.
AND THESE KIDS HAVE THE COURAGE

680
00:23:43,523 --> 00:23:45,289
YOU'RE NOT TRANSGENDER.
AND THESE KIDS HAVE THE COURAGE
TO BE WHO THEY ARE AND THEY WANT

681
00:23:45,291 --> 00:23:48,325
AND THESE KIDS HAVE THE COURAGE
TO BE WHO THEY ARE AND THEY WANT
TO BE ACCEPTED AND GO THE

682
00:23:48,327 --> 00:23:49,427
TO BE WHO THEY ARE AND THEY WANT
TO BE ACCEPTED AND GO THE
BATHROOM AND PLAY SPORTS LIKE

683
00:23:49,429 --> 00:23:51,195
TO BE ACCEPTED AND GO THE
BATHROOM AND PLAY SPORTS LIKE
EVERYBODY ELSE AND LIVE.

684
00:23:51,197 --> 00:23:53,030
BATHROOM AND PLAY SPORTS LIKE
EVERYBODY ELSE AND LIVE.
THE REALLY DANGEROUS THING IS IF

685
00:23:53,032 --> 00:23:55,232
EVERYBODY ELSE AND LIVE.
THE REALLY DANGEROUS THING IS IF
YOU HAVE PEOPLE IN POSITIONS OF

686
00:23:55,234 --> 00:23:56,734
THE REALLY DANGEROUS THING IS IF
YOU HAVE PEOPLE IN POSITIONS OF
RESPONSIBILITY GOING AROUND

687
00:23:56,736 --> 00:23:58,436
YOU HAVE PEOPLE IN POSITIONS OF
RESPONSIBILITY GOING AROUND
WHOSE POSITION BASICALLY IS THAT

688
00:23:58,438 --> 00:24:00,838
RESPONSIBILITY GOING AROUND
WHOSE POSITION BASICALLY IS THAT
TRANSGENDER PEOPLE DON'T EXIST,

689
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:02,673
WHOSE POSITION BASICALLY IS THAT
TRANSGENDER PEOPLE DON'T EXIST,
SOME YOUNG PEOPLE WILL HEAR THAT

690
00:24:02,675 --> 00:24:05,209
TRANSGENDER PEOPLE DON'T EXIST,
SOME YOUNG PEOPLE WILL HEAR THAT
MESSAGE AS ONE THAT TRANSGENDER

691
00:24:05,211 --> 00:24:06,310
SOME YOUNG PEOPLE WILL HEAR THAT
MESSAGE AS ONE THAT TRANSGENDER
PEOPLE SHOULDN'T EXIST AND SOME

692
00:24:06,312 --> 00:24:07,011
MESSAGE AS ONE THAT TRANSGENDER
PEOPLE SHOULDN'T EXIST AND SOME
WILL BELIEVE IT.

693
00:24:07,013 --> 00:24:08,045
PEOPLE SHOULDN'T EXIST AND SOME
WILL BELIEVE IT.
>> Stephen: I HADN'T HEARD

694
00:24:08,047 --> 00:24:11,248
WILL BELIEVE IT.
>> Stephen: I HADN'T HEARD
THAT ARGUMENT, THERE'S NO SUCH

695
00:24:11,250 --> 00:24:12,650
>> Stephen: I HADN'T HEARD
THAT ARGUMENT, THERE'S NO SUCH
THING AT TRANSGENDER --

696
00:24:12,652 --> 00:24:14,151
THAT ARGUMENT, THERE'S NO SUCH
THING AT TRANSGENDER --
>> IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THAT'S

697
00:24:14,153 --> 00:24:16,887
THING AT TRANSGENDER --
>> IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THAT'S
WHAT THEIR ARGUMENT BOILS DOWN

698
00:24:16,889 --> 00:24:18,622
>> IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THAT'S
WHAT THEIR ARGUMENT BOILS DOWN
TO, RIGHT, THAT THEY'RE JUST

699
00:24:18,624 --> 00:24:20,591
WHAT THEIR ARGUMENT BOILS DOWN
TO, RIGHT, THAT THEY'RE JUST
KIND OF WRONG SOMEHOW.

700
00:24:20,593 --> 00:24:22,593
TO, RIGHT, THAT THEY'RE JUST
KIND OF WRONG SOMEHOW.
BUT WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT IS

701
00:24:22,595 --> 00:24:23,861
KIND OF WRONG SOMEHOW.
BUT WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT IS
SOMEONE'S ABILITY TO LIVE AND TO

702
00:24:23,863 --> 00:24:25,963
BUT WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT IS
SOMEONE'S ABILITY TO LIVE AND TO
LIVE WELL, AND THAT'S ONE OF THE

703
00:24:25,965 --> 00:24:27,565
SOMEONE'S ABILITY TO LIVE AND TO
LIVE WELL, AND THAT'S ONE OF THE
BASIC THINGS POLITICIANS ARE IN

704
00:24:27,567 --> 00:24:29,467
LIVE WELL, AND THAT'S ONE OF THE
BASIC THINGS POLITICIANS ARE IN
CHARGE OF SECURING, NOT

705
00:24:29,469 --> 00:24:29,800
BASIC THINGS POLITICIANS ARE IN
CHARGE OF SECURING, NOT
THREATENING.

706
00:24:29,802 --> 00:24:31,769
CHARGE OF SECURING, NOT
THREATENING.
SO I HOPE THAT IT WILL PROVE TO

707
00:24:31,771 --> 00:24:34,205
THREATENING.
SO I HOPE THAT IT WILL PROVE TO
BE NOT GOOD POLITICS TO PICK ON

708
00:24:34,207 --> 00:24:36,273
SO I HOPE THAT IT WILL PROVE TO
BE NOT GOOD POLITICS TO PICK ON
TRANSGENDER KIDS, WHEN THESE

709
00:24:36,275 --> 00:24:37,508
BE NOT GOOD POLITICS TO PICK ON
TRANSGENDER KIDS, WHEN THESE
POLITICAL ATTACKS AND TERRIBLE

710
00:24:37,510 --> 00:24:38,609
TRANSGENDER KIDS, WHEN THESE
POLITICAL ATTACKS AND TERRIBLE
LAWS GET BEATEN BACK.

711
00:24:38,611 --> 00:24:41,178
POLITICAL ATTACKS AND TERRIBLE
LAWS GET BEATEN BACK.
SO THAT WAS THE OTHER PART OF MY

712
00:24:41,180 --> 00:24:41,879
LAWS GET BEATEN BACK.
SO THAT WAS THE OTHER PART OF MY
MESSAGE.

713
00:24:41,881 --> 00:24:42,379
SO THAT WAS THE OTHER PART OF MY
MESSAGE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

714
00:24:42,381 --> 00:24:44,281
MESSAGE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: IT'S UP TO THE

715
00:24:44,283 --> 00:24:46,917
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: IT'S UP TO THE
VOTERS TO THINK ABOUT THESE

716
00:24:46,919 --> 00:24:49,687
>> Stephen: IT'S UP TO THE
VOTERS TO THINK ABOUT THESE
DECISIONS THEY'RE MAKING.

717
00:24:49,689 --> 00:24:51,088
VOTERS TO THINK ABOUT THESE
DECISIONS THEY'RE MAKING.
NOW, EVERYONE, ICLUDING MYSELF

718
00:24:51,090 --> 00:24:54,625
DECISIONS THEY'RE MAKING.
NOW, EVERYONE, ICLUDING MYSELF
IN TODAY'S MONOLOGUE IS TALKING

719
00:24:54,627 --> 00:24:57,428
NOW, EVERYONE, ICLUDING MYSELF
IN TODAY'S MONOLOGUE IS TALKING
ABOUT THURSDAY'S BIPARTISAN

720
00:24:57,430 --> 00:24:58,629
IN TODAY'S MONOLOGUE IS TALKING
ABOUT THURSDAY'S BIPARTISAN
INFRASTRUCTURE BILL --

721
00:24:58,631 --> 00:24:59,330
ABOUT THURSDAY'S BIPARTISAN
INFRASTRUCTURE BILL --
>> DEAL, YEAH.

722
00:24:59,332 --> 00:25:00,965
INFRASTRUCTURE BILL --
>> DEAL, YEAH.
>> Stephen: OKAY, DEAL.

723
00:25:00,967 --> 00:25:04,902
>> DEAL, YEAH.
>> Stephen: OKAY, DEAL.
SO LET'S CALL IT BALLPARK A

724
00:25:04,904 --> 00:25:07,471
>> Stephen: OKAY, DEAL.
SO LET'S CALL IT BALLPARK A
TRILLION DOLLARS INFRASTRUCTURE

725
00:25:07,473 --> 00:25:07,738
SO LET'S CALL IT BALLPARK A
TRILLION DOLLARS INFRASTRUCTURE
SPENDING.

726
00:25:07,740 --> 00:25:08,672
TRILLION DOLLARS INFRASTRUCTURE
SPENDING.
IT ADDS UP.

727
00:25:08,674 --> 00:25:10,374
SPENDING.
IT ADDS UP.
A TRILLION DOLLARS, AS THE GUY

728
00:25:10,376 --> 00:25:11,408
IT ADDS UP.
A TRILLION DOLLARS, AS THE GUY
WHO OVERSEES THE TRANSPORTATION

729
00:25:11,410 --> 00:25:14,011
A TRILLION DOLLARS, AS THE GUY
WHO OVERSEES THE TRANSPORTATION
SYSTEM OR THE ADMINISTRATION OF

730
00:25:14,013 --> 00:25:14,612
WHO OVERSEES THE TRANSPORTATION
SYSTEM OR THE ADMINISTRATION OF
OUR TRANSPORTATION SYSTEM, DO

731
00:25:14,614 --> 00:25:17,047
SYSTEM OR THE ADMINISTRATION OF
OUR TRANSPORTATION SYSTEM, DO
YOU HAVE SOME SAY OF WHERE THAT

732
00:25:17,049 --> 00:25:18,249
OUR TRANSPORTATION SYSTEM, DO
YOU HAVE SOME SAY OF WHERE THAT
GETS SPENT?

733
00:25:18,251 --> 00:25:18,616
YOU HAVE SOME SAY OF WHERE THAT
GETS SPENT?
>> WELL, YEAH.

734
00:25:18,618 --> 00:25:20,584
GETS SPENT?
>> WELL, YEAH.
I MEAN, THAT'S PART OF MY JOB.

735
00:25:20,586 --> 00:25:21,685
>> WELL, YEAH.
I MEAN, THAT'S PART OF MY JOB.
>> Stephen: OKAY.

736
00:25:21,687 --> 00:25:23,654
I MEAN, THAT'S PART OF MY JOB.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
SO DID YOU THINK, WHEN YOU TOOK

737
00:25:23,656 --> 00:25:25,489
>> Stephen: OKAY.
SO DID YOU THINK, WHEN YOU TOOK
THIS JOB, IT WAS GOING TO HAVE

738
00:25:25,491 --> 00:25:28,192
SO DID YOU THINK, WHEN YOU TOOK
THIS JOB, IT WAS GOING TO HAVE
THAT BIG OF A MONEY GUN THAT YOU

739
00:25:28,194 --> 00:25:29,560
THIS JOB, IT WAS GOING TO HAVE
THAT BIG OF A MONEY GUN THAT YOU
COULD POINT -- I MEAN, IN A

740
00:25:29,562 --> 00:25:32,496
THAT BIG OF A MONEY GUN THAT YOU
COULD POINT -- I MEAN, IN A
POSITIVE WAY, HAVE A MONEY

741
00:25:32,498 --> 00:25:32,763
COULD POINT -- I MEAN, IN A
POSITIVE WAY, HAVE A MONEY
INJECTION?

742
00:25:32,765 --> 00:25:33,130
POSITIVE WAY, HAVE A MONEY
INJECTION?
HOW ABOUT THAT?

743
00:25:33,132 --> 00:25:34,565
INJECTION?
HOW ABOUT THAT?
A MONEY VACCINE SO YOU CAN PUT

744
00:25:34,567 --> 00:25:35,733
HOW ABOUT THAT?
A MONEY VACCINE SO YOU CAN PUT
IT INTO -- LIKE WHAT DO YOU WANT

745
00:25:35,735 --> 00:25:37,301
A MONEY VACCINE SO YOU CAN PUT
IT INTO -- LIKE WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO SPEND IT ON?

746
00:25:37,303 --> 00:25:39,436
IT INTO -- LIKE WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO SPEND IT ON?
CAN WE FINALLY MAKE THE GOLDEN

747
00:25:39,438 --> 00:25:41,038
TO SPEND IT ON?
CAN WE FINALLY MAKE THE GOLDEN
GATE BRIDGE ACTUALLY GOLDEN OR

748
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:41,572
CAN WE FINALLY MAKE THE GOLDEN
GATE BRIDGE ACTUALLY GOLDEN OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

749
00:25:41,574 --> 00:25:42,773
GATE BRIDGE ACTUALLY GOLDEN OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
CAN WE DO SOMETHING?

750
00:25:42,775 --> 00:25:44,141
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
CAN WE DO SOMETHING?
WHAT CAN WE DO?

751
00:25:44,143 --> 00:25:46,443
CAN WE DO SOMETHING?
WHAT CAN WE DO?
WHAT WOULD BE THE FIRST

752
00:25:46,445 --> 00:25:46,710
WHAT CAN WE DO?
WHAT WOULD BE THE FIRST
PRIORITY.

753
00:25:46,712 --> 00:25:48,412
WHAT WOULD BE THE FIRST
PRIORITY.
>> MAY NOT BE THE BEST USE OF

754
00:25:48,414 --> 00:25:49,280
PRIORITY.
>> MAY NOT BE THE BEST USE OF
THE TAXPAYER DOLLARS.

755
00:25:49,282 --> 00:25:51,348
>> MAY NOT BE THE BEST USE OF
THE TAXPAYER DOLLARS.
>> Stephen: PEOPLE OFTEN SAY

756
00:25:51,350 --> 00:25:54,251
THE TAXPAYER DOLLARS.
>> Stephen: PEOPLE OFTEN SAY
WHAT'S IT LIKE TO TALK TO THEN

757
00:25:54,253 --> 00:25:54,552
>> Stephen: PEOPLE OFTEN SAY
WHAT'S IT LIKE TO TALK TO THEN
MAYOR PETE?

758
00:25:54,554 --> 00:25:56,086
WHAT'S IT LIKE TO TALK TO THEN
MAYOR PETE?
I SAY IT'S INTERESTING, HE'S A

759
00:25:56,088 --> 00:25:57,221
MAYOR PETE?
I SAY IT'S INTERESTING, HE'S A
POLITICIAN BUT HE ACTUALLY

760
00:25:57,223 --> 00:25:58,722
I SAY IT'S INTERESTING, HE'S A
POLITICIAN BUT HE ACTUALLY
ANSWERINGS THE QUESTION YOU CAN

761
00:25:58,724 --> 00:26:00,591
POLITICIAN BUT HE ACTUALLY
ANSWERINGS THE QUESTION YOU CAN
HIM AND ANSWERS IT IN A VERY

762
00:26:00,593 --> 00:26:01,892
ANSWERINGS THE QUESTION YOU CAN
HIM AND ANSWERS IT IN A VERY
SIMPLE AND PLAIN WAY.

763
00:26:01,894 --> 00:26:04,628
HIM AND ANSWERS IT IN A VERY
SIMPLE AND PLAIN WAY.
EXPLAIN TO ME, AS IF I WERE A

764
00:26:04,630 --> 00:26:06,030
SIMPLE AND PLAIN WAY.
EXPLAIN TO ME, AS IF I WERE A
CHILD, WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN

765
00:26:06,032 --> 00:26:08,799
EXPLAIN TO ME, AS IF I WERE A
CHILD, WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN
WITH THE TRILLION DOLLARS.

766
00:26:08,801 --> 00:26:09,433
CHILD, WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN
WITH THE TRILLION DOLLARS.
>> OKAY.

767
00:26:09,435 --> 00:26:14,605
WITH THE TRILLION DOLLARS.
>> OKAY.
WELL, STEPHEN --

768
00:26:14,607 --> 00:26:20,477
>> OKAY.
WELL, STEPHEN --
( LAUGHTER )

769
00:26:20,479 --> 00:26:26,617
WELL, STEPHEN --
( LAUGHTER )
WHEN YOU GET $1.2 TRILLION,

770
00:26:26,619 --> 00:26:30,621
( LAUGHTER )
WHEN YOU GET $1.2 TRILLION,
WHICH IS $1,200,000,000,000,

771
00:26:30,623 --> 00:26:32,323
WHEN YOU GET $1.2 TRILLION,
WHICH IS $1,200,000,000,000,
WHICH IS 1,200,000,000,000 --

772
00:26:32,325 --> 00:26:34,291
WHICH IS $1,200,000,000,000,
WHICH IS 1,200,000,000,000 --
DID I GET THAT RIGHT?

773
00:26:34,293 --> 00:26:35,826
WHICH IS 1,200,000,000,000 --
DID I GET THAT RIGHT?
>> Stephen: I DIDN'T KNOW

774
00:26:35,828 --> 00:26:37,161
DID I GET THAT RIGHT?
>> Stephen: I DIDN'T KNOW
THERE WAS GOING TO BE MATH.

775
00:26:37,163 --> 00:26:39,196
>> Stephen: I DIDN'T KNOW
THERE WAS GOING TO BE MATH.
>> SO, LOOK, THERE'S ROADS AND

776
00:26:39,198 --> 00:26:39,430
THERE WAS GOING TO BE MATH.
>> SO, LOOK, THERE'S ROADS AND
BRIDGES.

777
00:26:39,432 --> 00:26:40,497
>> SO, LOOK, THERE'S ROADS AND
BRIDGES.
THEY ARE IN ROUGH SHAPE.

778
00:26:40,499 --> 00:26:42,066
BRIDGES.
THEY ARE IN ROUGH SHAPE.
WE'VE GOT THOUSANDS UPON

779
00:26:42,068 --> 00:26:43,400
THEY ARE IN ROUGH SHAPE.
WE'VE GOT THOUSANDS UPON
THOUSANDS OF BRIDGES THAT NEED

780
00:26:43,402 --> 00:26:44,034
WE'VE GOT THOUSANDS UPON
THOUSANDS OF BRIDGES THAT NEED
TO BE REPAIRED.

781
00:26:44,036 --> 00:26:46,604
THOUSANDS OF BRIDGES THAT NEED
TO BE REPAIRED.
WE'VE GOT TO IMPROVE OUR

782
00:26:46,606 --> 00:26:46,870
TO BE REPAIRED.
WE'VE GOT TO IMPROVE OUR
AIRPORTS.

783
00:26:46,872 --> 00:26:48,138
WE'VE GOT TO IMPROVE OUR
AIRPORTS.
I MEAN, IF YOU TRAVEL ABROAD,

784
00:26:48,140 --> 00:26:50,441
AIRPORTS.
I MEAN, IF YOU TRAVEL ABROAD,
YOU SEE THE CONDITION OF OTHER

785
00:26:50,443 --> 00:26:50,708
I MEAN, IF YOU TRAVEL ABROAD,
YOU SEE THE CONDITION OF OTHER
AIRPORTS.

786
00:26:50,710 --> 00:26:53,110
YOU SEE THE CONDITION OF OTHER
AIRPORTS.
OUR AIRPORTS SHOULD BE THE ENVY

787
00:26:53,112 --> 00:26:54,244
AIRPORTS.
OUR AIRPORTS SHOULD BE THE ENVY
OF THE WORLD.

788
00:26:54,246 --> 00:26:55,279
OUR AIRPORTS SHOULD BE THE ENVY
OF THE WORLD.
TUNNELS -- IN FACT, I SPENT PART

789
00:26:55,281 --> 00:26:57,214
OF THE WORLD.
TUNNELS -- IN FACT, I SPENT PART
OF TODAY IN THE HUDSON RIVER

790
00:26:57,216 --> 00:27:00,784
TUNNELS -- IN FACT, I SPENT PART
OF TODAY IN THE HUDSON RIVER
TUNNEL, WHICH IS A PIECE OF

791
00:27:00,786 --> 00:27:01,185
OF TODAY IN THE HUDSON RIVER
TUNNEL, WHICH IS A PIECE OF
INFRASTRUCTURE --

792
00:27:01,187 --> 00:27:01,685
TUNNEL, WHICH IS A PIECE OF
INFRASTRUCTURE --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

793
00:27:01,687 --> 00:27:02,519
INFRASTRUCTURE --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SOUNDS LIKE PEOPLE HERE KNOW IT.

794
00:27:02,521 --> 00:27:05,856
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SOUNDS LIKE PEOPLE HERE KNOW IT.
>> Stephen: IT'S GOT A NEW

795
00:27:05,858 --> 00:27:06,624
SOUNDS LIKE PEOPLE HERE KNOW IT.
>> Stephen: IT'S GOT A NEW
FANCY NAME.

796
00:27:06,626 --> 00:27:08,225
>> Stephen: IT'S GOT A NEW
FANCY NAME.
>> HUDSON RIVER TUNNEL, PART OF

797
00:27:08,227 --> 00:27:08,792
FANCY NAME.
>> HUDSON RIVER TUNNEL, PART OF
THE GATEWAY PROJECT.

798
00:27:08,794 --> 00:27:10,828
>> HUDSON RIVER TUNNEL, PART OF
THE GATEWAY PROJECT.
>> Stephen: YEAH, THE GATEWAY

799
00:27:10,830 --> 00:27:11,061
THE GATEWAY PROJECT.
>> Stephen: YEAH, THE GATEWAY
PROJECT.

800
00:27:11,063 --> 00:27:12,496
>> Stephen: YEAH, THE GATEWAY
PROJECT.
>> THE NUMBER OF PASSENGERS, THE

801
00:27:12,498 --> 00:27:14,131
PROJECT.
>> THE NUMBER OF PASSENGERS, THE
NUMBER OF TRAINS THAT GO THROUGH

802
00:27:14,133 --> 00:27:16,533
>> THE NUMBER OF PASSENGERS, THE
NUMBER OF TRAINS THAT GO THROUGH
THIS ONE TUNNEL AND IF IT

803
00:27:16,535 --> 00:27:17,201
NUMBER OF TRAINS THAT GO THROUGH
THIS ONE TUNNEL AND IF IT
FAILED, BASICALLY, IT WOULD

804
00:27:17,203 --> 00:27:20,070
THIS ONE TUNNEL AND IF IT
FAILED, BASICALLY, IT WOULD
CRIPPLE THE NORTHEAST CORRIDOR.

805
00:27:20,072 --> 00:27:21,472
FAILED, BASICALLY, IT WOULD
CRIPPLE THE NORTHEAST CORRIDOR.
IT WOULD BE SO DESTRUCTIVE TO

806
00:27:21,474 --> 00:27:23,407
CRIPPLE THE NORTHEAST CORRIDOR.
IT WOULD BE SO DESTRUCTIVE TO
OUR ECONOMY YOU WOULD FEEL THE

807
00:27:23,409 --> 00:27:24,575
IT WOULD BE SO DESTRUCTIVE TO
OUR ECONOMY YOU WOULD FEEL THE
IMPACT BACK IN INDIANA WHERE I

808
00:27:24,577 --> 00:27:25,576
OUR ECONOMY YOU WOULD FEEL THE
IMPACT BACK IN INDIANA WHERE I
COME FROM.

809
00:27:25,578 --> 00:27:28,045
IMPACT BACK IN INDIANA WHERE I
COME FROM.
IT HAS THE BEST TECHNOLOGY AND

810
00:27:28,047 --> 00:27:29,813
COME FROM.
IT HAS THE BEST TECHNOLOGY AND
CONSTRUCTION ENGINEERING OF 1-9D

811
00:27:29,815 --> 00:27:29,980
IT HAS THE BEST TECHNOLOGY AND
CONSTRUCTION ENGINEERING OF 1-9D
10.

812
00:27:29,982 --> 00:27:33,450
CONSTRUCTION ENGINEERING OF 1-9D
10.
BUT WE'RE DEPENDING ON

813
00:27:33,452 --> 00:27:33,917
10.
BUT WE'RE DEPENDING ON
110-YEAR-OLD PIECE OF

814
00:27:33,919 --> 00:27:34,284
BUT WE'RE DEPENDING ON
110-YEAR-OLD PIECE OF
INFRASTRUCTURE.

815
00:27:34,286 --> 00:27:36,220
110-YEAR-OLD PIECE OF
INFRASTRUCTURE.
SO FIXING THAT TUNNEL AND THE

816
00:27:36,222 --> 00:27:38,222
INFRASTRUCTURE.
SO FIXING THAT TUNNEL AND THE
BRIDGES THAT LEAD TO IT, THESE

817
00:27:38,224 --> 00:27:41,325
SO FIXING THAT TUNNEL AND THE
BRIDGES THAT LEAD TO IT, THESE
ARE THE EXAMPLES THAT ARE THE

818
00:27:41,327 --> 00:27:42,626
BRIDGES THAT LEAD TO IT, THESE
ARE THE EXAMPLES THAT ARE THE
KINDS OF THINGS WE HAVEN'T BEEN

819
00:27:42,628 --> 00:27:44,561
ARE THE EXAMPLES THAT ARE THE
KINDS OF THINGS WE HAVEN'T BEEN
ABLE TO INVEST OF IN THIS

820
00:27:44,563 --> 00:27:44,795
KINDS OF THINGS WE HAVEN'T BEEN
ABLE TO INVEST OF IN THIS
COUNTRY.

821
00:27:44,797 --> 00:27:46,230
ABLE TO INVEST OF IN THIS
COUNTRY.
THERE ARE EXAMPLES OF THAT IN

822
00:27:46,232 --> 00:27:48,032
COUNTRY.
THERE ARE EXAMPLES OF THAT IN
SMALL TOWNS, BIG CITIES ACROSS

823
00:27:48,034 --> 00:27:49,833
THERE ARE EXAMPLES OF THAT IN
SMALL TOWNS, BIG CITIES ACROSS
THE COUNTRY.

824
00:27:49,835 --> 00:27:50,601
SMALL TOWNS, BIG CITIES ACROSS
THE COUNTRY.
NOW'S OUR CHANCE TO HAVE THE

825
00:27:50,603 --> 00:27:54,471
THE COUNTRY.
NOW'S OUR CHANCE TO HAVE THE
BEST BRIDGES, ROADS AND TUNNELS,

826
00:27:54,473 --> 00:27:55,673
NOW'S OUR CHANCE TO HAVE THE
BEST BRIDGES, ROADS AND TUNNELS,
TRANSIT, TRAINS -- I ALWAYS

827
00:27:55,675 --> 00:27:57,207
BEST BRIDGES, ROADS AND TUNNELS,
TRANSIT, TRAINS -- I ALWAYS
THOUGHT I WOULD BE THE BIGGEST

828
00:27:57,209 --> 00:27:59,276
TRANSIT, TRAINS -- I ALWAYS
THOUGHT I WOULD BE THE BIGGEST
PASSENGER RAIL GUY, BUT

829
00:27:59,278 --> 00:27:59,943
THOUGHT I WOULD BE THE BIGGEST
PASSENGER RAIL GUY, BUT
OBVIOUSLY IN THIS ADMINISTRATION

830
00:27:59,945 --> 00:28:00,844
PASSENGER RAIL GUY, BUT
OBVIOUSLY IN THIS ADMINISTRATION
I'M SECOND PLACE BUT TRYING TO

831
00:28:00,846 --> 00:28:02,479
OBVIOUSLY IN THIS ADMINISTRATION
I'M SECOND PLACE BUT TRYING TO
MAKE IT A CLOSE SECOND.

832
00:28:02,481 --> 00:28:04,281
I'M SECOND PLACE BUT TRYING TO
MAKE IT A CLOSE SECOND.
THIS IS THE BIGGEST INVESTMENT

833
00:28:04,283 --> 00:28:06,150
MAKE IT A CLOSE SECOND.
THIS IS THE BIGGEST INVESTMENT
IN PASSENGER RAIL SINCE AMTRAK

834
00:28:06,152 --> 00:28:07,151
THIS IS THE BIGGEST INVESTMENT
IN PASSENGER RAIL SINCE AMTRAK
WAS CREATED.

835
00:28:07,153 --> 00:28:07,651
IN PASSENGER RAIL SINCE AMTRAK
WAS CREATED.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

836
00:28:07,653 --> 00:28:08,852
WAS CREATED.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A

837
00:28:08,854 --> 00:28:09,386
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK.

838
00:28:09,388 --> 00:28:14,491
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK.
STICK AROUND, BACK WITH MORE

839
00:28:14,493 --> 00:28:16,994
QUICK BREAK.
STICK AROUND, BACK WITH MORE
SECRETARY PETE BUTTIGIEG,

840
00:28:16,996 --> 00:28:17,895
STICK AROUND, BACK WITH MORE
SECRETARY PETE BUTTIGIEG,
EVERYBODY.

841
00:28:25,370 --> 00:28:28,439
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WE'RE BACK WITH U.S.

842
00:28:28,441 --> 00:28:29,406
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WE'RE BACK WITH U.S.
TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY PETE

843
00:28:29,408 --> 00:28:29,673
WE'RE BACK WITH U.S.
TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY PETE
BUTTIGIEG.

844
00:28:29,675 --> 00:28:31,008
TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY PETE
BUTTIGIEG.
I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT

845
00:28:31,010 --> 00:28:31,375
BUTTIGIEG.
I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT
PRESIDENT BIDEN.

846
00:28:31,377 --> 00:28:32,342
I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT
PRESIDENT BIDEN.
YOU GUYS OBVIOUSLY COMPETED

847
00:28:32,344 --> 00:28:33,711
PRESIDENT BIDEN.
YOU GUYS OBVIOUSLY COMPETED
AGAINST EACH OTHER.

848
00:28:33,713 --> 00:28:35,312
YOU GUYS OBVIOUSLY COMPETED
AGAINST EACH OTHER.
I DON'T KNOW THAT YOU SUPPORTED

849
00:28:35,314 --> 00:28:36,547
AGAINST EACH OTHER.
I DON'T KNOW THAT YOU SUPPORTED
HIM AROUND SUPER TUESDAY, IS

850
00:28:36,549 --> 00:28:41,485
I DON'T KNOW THAT YOU SUPPORTED
HIM AROUND SUPER TUESDAY, IS
THAT WHEN YOU THREE WENT BEHIND

851
00:28:41,487 --> 00:28:41,852
HIM AROUND SUPER TUESDAY, IS
THAT WHEN YOU THREE WENT BEHIND
PRESIDENT BIDEN?

852
00:28:41,854 --> 00:28:42,319
THAT WHEN YOU THREE WENT BEHIND
PRESIDENT BIDEN?
>> RIGHT AROUND THEN.

853
00:28:42,321 --> 00:28:44,088
PRESIDENT BIDEN?
>> RIGHT AROUND THEN.
>> Stephen: YOU STARTED THE

854
00:28:44,090 --> 00:28:45,823
>> RIGHT AROUND THEN.
>> Stephen: YOU STARTED THE
CABINET WITHOUT MEETING IN THE

855
00:28:45,825 --> 00:28:47,624
>> Stephen: YOU STARTED THE
CABINET WITHOUT MEETING IN THE
OVAL OFFICE BECAUSE OF COVID.

856
00:28:47,626 --> 00:28:47,858
CABINET WITHOUT MEETING IN THE
OVAL OFFICE BECAUSE OF COVID.
>> YEAH.

857
00:28:47,860 --> 00:28:48,425
OVAL OFFICE BECAUSE OF COVID.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHEN DID YOU

858
00:28:48,427 --> 00:28:49,560
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHEN DID YOU
FINALLY GO TO THE WHITE HOUSE

859
00:28:49,562 --> 00:28:51,128
>> Stephen: WHEN DID YOU
FINALLY GO TO THE WHITE HOUSE
AND HAVE YOUR FIRST LIVE MEETING

860
00:28:51,130 --> 00:28:51,729
FINALLY GO TO THE WHITE HOUSE
AND HAVE YOUR FIRST LIVE MEETING
WITH THE PRESIDENT?

861
00:28:51,731 --> 00:28:53,897
AND HAVE YOUR FIRST LIVE MEETING
WITH THE PRESIDENT?
>> YEAH, IT WAS A FEW WEEKS IN.

862
00:28:53,899 --> 00:28:56,100
WITH THE PRESIDENT?
>> YEAH, IT WAS A FEW WEEKS IN.
THE FIRST TIME I WAS INVITED, I

863
00:28:56,102 --> 00:28:57,401
>> YEAH, IT WAS A FEW WEEKS IN.
THE FIRST TIME I WAS INVITED, I
WAS QUARANTINED BECAUSE I HAD

864
00:28:57,403 --> 00:28:58,869
THE FIRST TIME I WAS INVITED, I
WAS QUARANTINED BECAUSE I HAD
BEEN EXPOSED TO SOMEBODY WITH

865
00:28:58,871 --> 00:29:02,406
WAS QUARANTINED BECAUSE I HAD
BEEN EXPOSED TO SOMEBODY WITH
COVID, SO THEY WHEELED ME IN ON

866
00:29:02,408 --> 00:29:03,173
BEEN EXPOSED TO SOMEBODY WITH
COVID, SO THEY WHEELED ME IN ON
A VIDEO CART.

867
00:29:03,175 --> 00:29:04,742
COVID, SO THEY WHEELED ME IN ON
A VIDEO CART.
I WAS ON ZOOM.

868
00:29:04,744 --> 00:29:06,810
A VIDEO CART.
I WAS ON ZOOM.
THE FIRST TIME I ACTUALLY GOT TO

869
00:29:06,812 --> 00:29:09,346
I WAS ON ZOOM.
THE FIRST TIME I ACTUALLY GOT TO
GO IN IT WAS A BIPARTISAN

870
00:29:09,348 --> 00:29:10,981
THE FIRST TIME I ACTUALLY GOT TO
GO IN IT WAS A BIPARTISAN
MEETING WITH SENATORS FROM THE

871
00:29:10,983 --> 00:29:13,050
GO IN IT WAS A BIPARTISAN
MEETING WITH SENATORS FROM THE
OTHER SIDE, AND TALKING ABOUT

872
00:29:13,052 --> 00:29:16,520
MEETING WITH SENATORS FROM THE
OTHER SIDE, AND TALKING ABOUT
INSURRECTION, WORKING TOWARD

873
00:29:16,522 --> 00:29:17,888
OTHER SIDE, AND TALKING ABOUT
INSURRECTION, WORKING TOWARD
WHAT EVENTUALLY THROUGH ALL THE

874
00:29:17,890 --> 00:29:19,423
INSURRECTION, WORKING TOWARD
WHAT EVENTUALLY THROUGH ALL THE
TWISTS AND TURNS HELPED GET TO

875
00:29:19,425 --> 00:29:20,958
WHAT EVENTUALLY THROUGH ALL THE
TWISTS AND TURNS HELPED GET TO
THE DEAL THE PRESIDENT REACHED

876
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:21,358
TWISTS AND TURNS HELPED GET TO
THE DEAL THE PRESIDENT REACHED
LAST WEEK.

877
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:23,160
THE DEAL THE PRESIDENT REACHED
LAST WEEK.
IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

878
00:29:23,162 --> 00:29:24,995
LAST WEEK.
IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
ON ONE LEVEL, YOU KNOW, I'M A

879
00:29:24,997 --> 00:29:27,131
IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
ON ONE LEVEL, YOU KNOW, I'M A
CABINET OFFICER, I'M THERE WITH

880
00:29:27,133 --> 00:29:29,767
ON ONE LEVEL, YOU KNOW, I'M A
CABINET OFFICER, I'M THERE WITH
THE JOB TO DO, I'M TRYING TO

881
00:29:29,769 --> 00:29:31,468
CABINET OFFICER, I'M THERE WITH
THE JOB TO DO, I'M TRYING TO
TAKE NOTES AND THINK ABOUT WHAT

882
00:29:31,470 --> 00:29:32,436
THE JOB TO DO, I'M TRYING TO
TAKE NOTES AND THINK ABOUT WHAT
I'M GOING TO SAY AND READ THE

883
00:29:32,438 --> 00:29:34,738
TAKE NOTES AND THINK ABOUT WHAT
I'M GOING TO SAY AND READ THE
ROOM, BUT THERE'S A PART OF YOU

884
00:29:34,740 --> 00:29:36,039
I'M GOING TO SAY AND READ THE
ROOM, BUT THERE'S A PART OF YOU
THAT'S, LIKE, I'M IN THE OVAL

885
00:29:36,041 --> 00:29:37,508
ROOM, BUT THERE'S A PART OF YOU
THAT'S, LIKE, I'M IN THE OVAL
OFFICE, THIS IS INCREDIBLE.

886
00:29:37,510 --> 00:29:37,808
THAT'S, LIKE, I'M IN THE OVAL
OFFICE, THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
( LAUGHTER )

887
00:29:37,810 --> 00:29:39,610
OFFICE, THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
( LAUGHTER )
WHEN I GOT UP TO LEAVE, I

888
00:29:39,612 --> 00:29:40,677
( LAUGHTER )
WHEN I GOT UP TO LEAVE, I
NOTICED LOOKING OVER THE

889
00:29:40,679 --> 00:29:41,779
WHEN I GOT UP TO LEAVE, I
NOTICED LOOKING OVER THE
PRESIDENT'S SHOULDER AND I ASKED

890
00:29:41,781 --> 00:29:43,313
NOTICED LOOKING OVER THE
PRESIDENT'S SHOULDER AND I ASKED
HIM, IS THAT A MOON ROCK?

891
00:29:43,315 --> 00:29:44,948
PRESIDENT'S SHOULDER AND I ASKED
HIM, IS THAT A MOON ROCK?
HE'S GOT A MOON ROCK IN THERE,

892
00:29:44,950 --> 00:29:46,517
HIM, IS THAT A MOON ROCK?
HE'S GOT A MOON ROCK IN THERE,
ON THE BOOKSHELF.

893
00:29:46,519 --> 00:29:48,685
HE'S GOT A MOON ROCK IN THERE,
ON THE BOOKSHELF.
IT WAS, LIKE, YEAH.

894
00:29:48,687 --> 00:29:51,421
ON THE BOOKSHELF.
IT WAS, LIKE, YEAH.
HE SHOWED ME THE MOON ROCK.

895
00:29:51,423 --> 00:29:54,958
IT WAS, LIKE, YEAH.
HE SHOWED ME THE MOON ROCK.
IT'S AN INCREDIBLY SYMBOLIC AND

896
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:55,893
HE SHOWED ME THE MOON ROCK.
IT'S AN INCREDIBLY SYMBOLIC AND
HISTORIC PLACE BUT IT'S AN

897
00:29:55,895 --> 00:29:57,594
IT'S AN INCREDIBLY SYMBOLIC AND
HISTORIC PLACE BUT IT'S AN
OFFICE WHERE PEOPLE WORK AND GET

898
00:29:57,596 --> 00:29:58,662
HISTORIC PLACE BUT IT'S AN
OFFICE WHERE PEOPLE WORK AND GET
THINGS DONE AND WHAT REALLY

899
00:29:58,664 --> 00:30:01,031
OFFICE WHERE PEOPLE WORK AND GET
THINGS DONE AND WHAT REALLY
EXCITES ME IS WE REALLY ARE

900
00:30:01,033 --> 00:30:04,301
THINGS DONE AND WHAT REALLY
EXCITES ME IS WE REALLY ARE
GETTING THINGS DONE IN THIS

901
00:30:04,303 --> 00:30:04,668
EXCITES ME IS WE REALLY ARE
GETTING THINGS DONE IN THIS
ADMINISTRATION.

902
00:30:04,670 --> 00:30:05,169
GETTING THINGS DONE IN THIS
ADMINISTRATION.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

903
00:30:05,171 --> 00:30:05,903
ADMINISTRATION.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HERE'S A PICTURE

904
00:30:05,905 --> 00:30:14,344
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HERE'S A PICTURE
OF YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND CHASTEN,

905
00:30:14,346 --> 00:30:16,680
>> Stephen: HERE'S A PICTURE
OF YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND CHASTEN,
THAT'S YOU IN THE FIRST FLOOR OF

906
00:30:16,682 --> 00:30:17,314
OF YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND CHASTEN,
THAT'S YOU IN THE FIRST FLOOR OF
THE WHITE HOUSE THERE.

907
00:30:17,316 --> 00:30:19,082
THAT'S YOU IN THE FIRST FLOOR OF
THE WHITE HOUSE THERE.
I UNDERSTAND YOU'VE HAD TO MOVE

908
00:30:19,084 --> 00:30:19,817
THE WHITE HOUSE THERE.
I UNDERSTAND YOU'VE HAD TO MOVE
TO WASHINGTON, D.C.

909
00:30:19,819 --> 00:30:21,418
I UNDERSTAND YOU'VE HAD TO MOVE
TO WASHINGTON, D.C.
HOW HAS THE MOVE GONE?

910
00:30:21,420 --> 00:30:23,887
TO WASHINGTON, D.C.
HOW HAS THE MOVE GONE?
>> GREAT.

911
00:30:23,889 --> 00:30:24,321
HOW HAS THE MOVE GONE?
>> GREAT.
IT'S DIFFERENT.

912
00:30:24,323 --> 00:30:28,158
>> GREAT.
IT'S DIFFERENT.
REAL ESTATE'S A LITTLE MORE

913
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:28,926
IT'S DIFFERENT.
REAL ESTATE'S A LITTLE MORE
EXPENSIVE THAN INDIANA.

914
00:30:28,928 --> 00:30:32,095
REAL ESTATE'S A LITTLE MORE
EXPENSIVE THAN INDIANA.
SO WE'RE IN A ONE-BEDROOM

915
00:30:32,097 --> 00:30:32,362
EXPENSIVE THAN INDIANA.
SO WE'RE IN A ONE-BEDROOM
APARTMENT.

916
00:30:32,364 --> 00:30:33,063
SO WE'RE IN A ONE-BEDROOM
APARTMENT.
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU

917
00:30:33,065 --> 00:30:33,797
APARTMENT.
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU
BIKE EVERYWHERE.

918
00:30:33,799 --> 00:30:35,899
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU
BIKE EVERYWHERE.
>>THEY HAVE GREAT BIKE

919
00:30:35,901 --> 00:30:36,900
BIKE EVERYWHERE.
>>THEY HAVE GREAT BIKE
INFRASTRUCTURE IN

920
00:30:36,902 --> 00:30:37,267
>>THEY HAVE GREAT BIKE
INFRASTRUCTURE IN
WASHINGTON, D.C.

921
00:30:37,269 --> 00:30:39,536
INFRASTRUCTURE IN
WASHINGTON, D.C.
SERIOUSLY, THERE'S GREAT BIKE

922
00:30:39,538 --> 00:30:41,038
WASHINGTON, D.C.
SERIOUSLY, THERE'S GREAT BIKE
TRAILS AND PARKS.

923
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,807
SERIOUSLY, THERE'S GREAT BIKE
TRAILS AND PARKS.
NOT EVERY DAY BUT I RIDE MY BIKE

924
00:30:43,809 --> 00:30:46,877
TRAILS AND PARKS.
NOT EVERY DAY BUT I RIDE MY BIKE
TO WORK SOME DAYS AND I LOVE TO

925
00:30:46,879 --> 00:30:47,277
NOT EVERY DAY BUT I RIDE MY BIKE
TO WORK SOME DAYS AND I LOVE TO
BIKE AROUND TOWN.

926
00:30:47,279 --> 00:30:48,712
TO WORK SOME DAYS AND I LOVE TO
BIKE AROUND TOWN.
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU

927
00:30:48,714 --> 00:30:52,516
BIKE AROUND TOWN.
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU
BOUGHT A USED BIKE AND THAT

928
00:30:52,518 --> 00:30:53,851
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU
BOUGHT A USED BIKE AND THAT
CAUSED COMMOTION.

929
00:30:53,853 --> 00:30:55,219
BOUGHT A USED BIKE AND THAT
CAUSED COMMOTION.
>> CHASTEN IS GOOD ON FINDING

930
00:30:55,221 --> 00:30:56,053
CAUSED COMMOTION.
>> CHASTEN IS GOOD ON FINDING
DEALS ONLINE.

931
00:30:56,055 --> 00:30:58,021
>> CHASTEN IS GOOD ON FINDING
DEALS ONLINE.
THAT'S HOW WE FURNISHED OUR

932
00:30:58,023 --> 00:30:58,288
DEALS ONLINE.
THAT'S HOW WE FURNISHED OUR
APARTMENT.

933
00:30:58,290 --> 00:30:59,890
THAT'S HOW WE FURNISHED OUR
APARTMENT.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE GOVERNMENT

934
00:30:59,892 --> 00:31:02,459
APARTMENT.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE GOVERNMENT
WORKERS, A LIMITED INCOME,

935
00:31:02,461 --> 00:31:02,726
>> Stephen: YOU'RE GOVERNMENT
WORKERS, A LIMITED INCOME,
OBVIOUSLY.

936
00:31:02,728 --> 00:31:04,595
WORKERS, A LIMITED INCOME,
OBVIOUSLY.
>> I MENTIONED I WANTED TO BIKE

937
00:31:04,597 --> 00:31:06,096
OBVIOUSLY.
>> I MENTIONED I WANTED TO BIKE
AROUND, AND, SO, YOU KNOW, HE

938
00:31:06,098 --> 00:31:09,032
>> I MENTIONED I WANTED TO BIKE
AROUND, AND, SO, YOU KNOW, HE
ARRANGED THIS DEAL AND I HAD TO

939
00:31:09,034 --> 00:31:09,666
AROUND, AND, SO, YOU KNOW, HE
ARRANGED THIS DEAL AND I HAD TO
GO PICK UP THE BIKE.

940
00:31:09,668 --> 00:31:11,602
ARRANGED THIS DEAL AND I HAD TO
GO PICK UP THE BIKE.
IT WAS RUNNING MATE EARLY AND MY

941
00:31:11,604 --> 00:31:13,003
GO PICK UP THE BIKE.
IT WAS RUNNING MATE EARLY AND MY
SECURITY DETAIL AND I WERE

942
00:31:13,005 --> 00:31:14,371
IT WAS RUNNING MATE EARLY AND MY
SECURITY DETAIL AND I WERE
GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER AND

943
00:31:14,373 --> 00:31:16,173
SECURITY DETAIL AND I WERE
GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER AND
WE GOT IN THE VEHICLE AND, AS WE

944
00:31:16,175 --> 00:31:18,041
GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER AND
WE GOT IN THE VEHICLE AND, AS WE
STARTED TO GO, THEY SAID, SIR,

945
00:31:18,043 --> 00:31:19,443
WE GOT IN THE VEHICLE AND, AS WE
STARTED TO GO, THEY SAID, SIR,
CAN YOU JUST CONFIRM THE

946
00:31:19,445 --> 00:31:20,544
STARTED TO GO, THEY SAID, SIR,
CAN YOU JUST CONFIRM THE
LOCATION OF THE BIKE SHOP?

947
00:31:20,546 --> 00:31:22,079
CAN YOU JUST CONFIRM THE
LOCATION OF THE BIKE SHOP?
BECAUSE THIS ADDRESS YOU GAVE US

948
00:31:22,081 --> 00:31:24,748
LOCATION OF THE BIKE SHOP?
BECAUSE THIS ADDRESS YOU GAVE US
IS COMING UP AS THE PARKING LOT

949
00:31:24,750 --> 00:31:27,351
BECAUSE THIS ADDRESS YOU GAVE US
IS COMING UP AS THE PARKING LOT
OF THE PIZZA HUT IN PETWORTH,

950
00:31:27,353 --> 00:31:29,319
IS COMING UP AS THE PARKING LOT
OF THE PIZZA HUT IN PETWORTH,
WITH IS I EXACTLY WHAT IT WAS.

951
00:31:29,321 --> 00:31:30,821
OF THE PIZZA HUT IN PETWORTH,
WITH IS I EXACTLY WHAT IT WAS.
THAT'S WHERE THE GUY WANTED TO

952
00:31:30,823 --> 00:31:31,021
WITH IS I EXACTLY WHAT IT WAS.
THAT'S WHERE THE GUY WANTED TO
MEET.

953
00:31:31,023 --> 00:31:33,056
THAT'S WHERE THE GUY WANTED TO
MEET.
IT WAS PROBABLY WEIRDER FROM HIS

954
00:31:33,058 --> 00:31:35,158
MEET.
IT WAS PROBABLY WEIRDER FROM HIS
PERSPECTIVE BECAUSE HE'S JUST

955
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:36,793
IT WAS PROBABLY WEIRDER FROM HIS
PERSPECTIVE BECAUSE HE'S JUST
STANDING THERE, I DON'T HINK HE

956
00:31:36,795 --> 00:31:39,529
PERSPECTIVE BECAUSE HE'S JUST
STANDING THERE, I DON'T HINK HE
RECOGNIZED MY NAME OR CHASTEN'S,

957
00:31:39,531 --> 00:31:42,499
STANDING THERE, I DON'T HINK HE
RECOGNIZED MY NAME OR CHASTEN'S,
AND SO THREE SUVs DESCEND ON

958
00:31:42,501 --> 00:31:45,936
RECOGNIZED MY NAME OR CHASTEN'S,
AND SO THREE SUVs DESCEND ON
HIM AND IHOP OUT WANTING TO BUY

959
00:31:45,938 --> 00:31:46,470
AND SO THREE SUVs DESCEND ON
HIM AND IHOP OUT WANTING TO BUY
A BICYCLE.

960
00:31:46,472 --> 00:31:48,505
HIM AND IHOP OUT WANTING TO BUY
A BICYCLE.
I DID AND IT WAS A GREAT BIKE.

961
00:31:48,507 --> 00:31:52,442
A BICYCLE.
I DID AND IT WAS A GREAT BIKE.
EXCEPT I GOT A FLAT TIRE LAST

962
00:31:52,444 --> 00:31:52,643
I DID AND IT WAS A GREAT BIKE.
EXCEPT I GOT A FLAT TIRE LAST
WEEK.

963
00:31:52,645 --> 00:31:53,644
EXCEPT I GOT A FLAT TIRE LAST
WEEK.
>> Stephen: OH, WELL, GOOD

964
00:31:53,646 --> 00:31:53,844
WEEK.
>> Stephen: OH, WELL, GOOD
LUCK.

965
00:31:53,846 --> 00:31:56,179
>> Stephen: OH, WELL, GOOD
LUCK.
, IS, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.

966
00:31:56,181 --> 00:31:56,480
LUCK.
, IS, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU

967
00:31:56,482 --> 00:31:56,780
, IS, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU
( APPLAUSE )

968
00:31:56,782 --> 00:32:03,220
>> THANK YOU
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: I HOPE THE BILL

969
00:32:03,222 --> 00:32:04,187
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: I HOPE THE BILL
GOES WELL.

970
00:32:04,189 --> 00:32:05,055
>> Stephen: I HOPE THE BILL
GOES WELL.
>> ALIVE AND WELL.

971
00:32:05,057 --> 00:32:07,691
GOES WELL.
>> ALIVE AND WELL.
>> Stephen: FORMERLY

972
00:32:07,693 --> 00:32:08,292
>> ALIVE AND WELL.
>> Stephen: FORMERLY
MAYOR PETE, THANK YOU SO MUCH

973
00:32:08,294 --> 00:32:11,461
>> Stephen: FORMERLY
MAYOR PETE, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR BEING HERE.

974
00:32:11,463 --> 00:32:12,062
MAYOR PETE, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR BEING HERE.
TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY PETE

975
00:32:12,064 --> 00:32:12,562
FOR BEING HERE.
TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY PETE
BUTTIGIEG, EVERYBODY!

976
00:32:12,564 --> 00:32:16,033
TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY PETE
BUTTIGIEG, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ACTRESS

977
00:32:26,711 --> 00:32:29,947
♪ ♪ ♪

978
00:32:40,658 --> 00:32:44,528
♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

979
00:32:44,530 --> 00:32:47,130
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW"!

980
00:32:47,132 --> 00:32:49,199
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW"!
MY GUEST -- MY NEXT GUEST THIS

981
00:32:49,201 --> 00:32:54,504
WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW"!
MY GUEST -- MY NEXT GUEST THIS
EVENING IS AN ACTRESS YOU KNOW

982
00:32:54,506 --> 00:32:54,671
MY GUEST -- MY NEXT GUEST THIS
EVENING IS AN ACTRESS YOU KNOW
FROM

983
00:32:54,673 --> 00:32:55,272
EVENING IS AN ACTRESS YOU KNOW
FROM
"WESTWORLD," "THE LEFTOVERS,"

984
00:32:55,274 --> 00:32:55,639
FROM
"WESTWORLD," "THE LEFTOVERS,"
AND "MANHATTAN."

985
00:32:55,641 --> 00:32:56,273
"WESTWORLD," "THE LEFTOVERS,"
AND "MANHATTAN."
SHE NOW STARS IN THE PARAMOUNT+

986
00:32:56,275 --> 00:32:58,175
AND "MANHATTAN."
SHE NOW STARS IN THE PARAMOUNT+
SHOW, "EVIL."

987
00:32:58,177 --> 00:32:59,776
SHE NOW STARS IN THE PARAMOUNT+
SHOW, "EVIL."
THE WAY YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS

988
00:32:59,778 --> 00:33:01,411
SHOW, "EVIL."
THE WAY YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS
YOU DON'T SEEM BOTHERED.

989
00:33:01,413 --> 00:33:02,212
THE WAY YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS
YOU DON'T SEEM BOTHERED.
>> I'M NOT.

990
00:33:02,214 --> 00:33:04,081
YOU DON'T SEEM BOTHERED.
>> I'M NOT.
I AM -- I'M GLAD HE'S DEAD.

991
00:33:04,083 --> 00:33:05,882
>> I'M NOT.
I AM -- I'M GLAD HE'S DEAD.
>> AND THE POLICE, YOU'RE NOT

992
00:33:05,884 --> 00:33:06,650
I AM -- I'M GLAD HE'S DEAD.
>> AND THE POLICE, YOU'RE NOT
WORRIED?

993
00:33:06,652 --> 00:33:09,519
>> AND THE POLICE, YOU'RE NOT
WORRIED?
>> NO, THEY THINK IT'S LARUE'S

994
00:33:09,521 --> 00:33:09,853
WORRIED?
>> NO, THEY THINK IT'S LARUE'S
WIFE.

995
00:33:09,855 --> 00:33:10,654
>> NO, THEY THINK IT'S LARUE'S
WIFE.
>> OH, MY GOD.

996
00:33:10,656 --> 00:33:11,288
WIFE.
>> OH, MY GOD.
THEY'RE WRONG.

997
00:33:11,290 --> 00:33:12,589
>> OH, MY GOD.
THEY'RE WRONG.
THEY'LL QUICKLY FIND THAT OUT.

998
00:33:12,591 --> 00:33:14,324
THEY'RE WRONG.
THEY'LL QUICKLY FIND THAT OUT.
SHE WAS WITH FRIENDS, I MADE

999
00:33:14,326 --> 00:33:15,792
THEY'LL QUICKLY FIND THAT OUT.
SHE WAS WITH FRIENDS, I MADE
SURE OF THAT BEFORE I WENT TO

1000
00:33:15,794 --> 00:33:17,194
SHE WAS WITH FRIENDS, I MADE
SURE OF THAT BEFORE I WENT TO
HIS HOUSE.

1001
00:33:17,196 --> 00:33:20,731
SURE OF THAT BEFORE I WENT TO
HIS HOUSE.
>> YOU MADE SURE SHE HAD AN

1002
00:33:20,733 --> 00:33:20,964
HIS HOUSE.
>> YOU MADE SURE SHE HAD AN
ALIBI?

1003
00:33:20,966 --> 00:33:21,798
>> YOU MADE SURE SHE HAD AN
ALIBI?
>> MM-HMM.

1004
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:23,367
ALIBI?
>> MM-HMM.
SO IT WAS PREMEDITATED, YOU

1005
00:33:23,369 --> 00:33:24,668
>> MM-HMM.
SO IT WAS PREMEDITATED, YOU
WENT THERE TO KILL HIM?

1006
00:33:24,670 --> 00:33:26,837
SO IT WAS PREMEDITATED, YOU
WENT THERE TO KILL HIM?
>> I KNEW IF I DID TILL HIM THEY

1007
00:33:26,839 --> 00:33:28,405
WENT THERE TO KILL HIM?
>> I KNEW IF I DID TILL HIM THEY
WOULD BLAME HIS WIFE SO I MADE

1008
00:33:28,407 --> 00:33:30,240
>> I KNEW IF I DID TILL HIM THEY
WOULD BLAME HIS WIFE SO I MADE
SURE SHE HAD AN ALIBI.

1009
00:33:30,242 --> 00:33:31,475
WOULD BLAME HIS WIFE SO I MADE
SURE SHE HAD AN ALIBI.
>> SO, UM, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT

1010
00:33:31,477 --> 00:33:35,779
SURE SHE HAD AN ALIBI.
>> SO, UM, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
YOUR ACTIONS NOW?

1011
00:33:35,781 --> 00:33:36,680
>> SO, UM, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
YOUR ACTIONS NOW?
>> MMM...

1012
00:33:36,682 --> 00:33:39,549
YOUR ACTIONS NOW?
>> MMM...
I CAN'T CHANGE MY ACTIONS.

1013
00:33:39,551 --> 00:33:42,285
>> MMM...
I CAN'T CHANGE MY ACTIONS.
AND I WOULDN'T.

1014
00:33:42,287 --> 00:33:44,821
I CAN'T CHANGE MY ACTIONS.
AND I WOULDN'T.
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO

1015
00:33:44,823 --> 00:33:46,790
AND I WOULDN'T.
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO
"THE LATE SHOW" AT THE AT THAT

1016
00:33:46,792 --> 00:33:47,791
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO
"THE LATE SHOW" AT THE AT THAT
TIME!

1017
00:33:47,793 --> 00:33:48,258
"THE LATE SHOW" AT THE AT THAT
TIME!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

1018
00:33:49,927 --> 00:33:57,200
KATJA HERBERS!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪

1019
00:33:57,202 --> 00:33:58,068
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪
>> HI!

1020
00:33:58,070 --> 00:33:59,002
♪♪
>> HI!
>> Stephen: HELLO.

1021
00:33:59,004 --> 00:33:59,169
>> HI!
>> Stephen: HELLO.
HI.

1022
00:33:59,171 --> 00:33:59,736
>> Stephen: HELLO.
HI.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR

1023
00:33:59,738 --> 00:34:01,171
HI.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR
COMING OUT SO QUICKLY.

1024
00:34:01,173 --> 00:34:03,774
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR
COMING OUT SO QUICKLY.
YOU SAVED ME A WALK.

1025
00:34:03,776 --> 00:34:04,674
COMING OUT SO QUICKLY.
YOU SAVED ME A WALK.
>> OH, MY GOSH!

1026
00:34:04,676 --> 00:34:06,443
YOU SAVED ME A WALK.
>> OH, MY GOSH!
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND, AND

1027
00:34:06,445 --> 00:34:07,778
>> OH, MY GOSH!
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND, AND
CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG HERE,

1028
00:34:07,780 --> 00:34:08,979
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND, AND
CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG HERE,
THAT THIS IS YOUR FIRST

1029
00:34:08,981 --> 00:34:10,714
CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG HERE,
THAT THIS IS YOUR FIRST
APPEARANCE ON A LATE NIGHT SHOW

1030
00:34:10,716 --> 00:34:11,681
THAT THIS IS YOUR FIRST
APPEARANCE ON A LATE NIGHT SHOW
IN THE UNITED STATES.

1031
00:34:11,683 --> 00:34:11,982
APPEARANCE ON A LATE NIGHT SHOW
IN THE UNITED STATES.
>> CORRECT.

1032
00:34:11,984 --> 00:34:13,216
IN THE UNITED STATES.
>> CORRECT.
I'M FROM HOLLAND.

1033
00:34:13,218 --> 00:34:15,018
>> CORRECT.
I'M FROM HOLLAND.
I'VE DONE SOME DUTCH LATE NIGHT

1034
00:34:15,020 --> 00:34:18,388
I'M FROM HOLLAND.
I'VE DONE SOME DUTCH LATE NIGHT
SHOWS, BUT THIS IS MY FIRST TIME

1035
00:34:18,390 --> 00:34:19,189
I'VE DONE SOME DUTCH LATE NIGHT
SHOWS, BUT THIS IS MY FIRST TIME
BEING ON ONE HERE.

1036
00:34:19,191 --> 00:34:22,025
SHOWS, BUT THIS IS MY FIRST TIME
BEING ON ONE HERE.
>> Stephen: WELL, WELCOME.

1037
00:34:22,027 --> 00:34:22,526
BEING ON ONE HERE.
>> Stephen: WELL, WELCOME.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

1038
00:34:22,528 --> 00:34:24,995
>> Stephen: WELL, WELCOME.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I HOPE IT'S GOING WELL SO FAR.

1039
00:34:24,997 --> 00:34:25,228
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I HOPE IT'S GOING WELL SO FAR.
>> YES.

1040
00:34:25,230 --> 00:34:26,696
I HOPE IT'S GOING WELL SO FAR.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: HOW AM I DOING?

1041
00:34:26,698 --> 00:34:28,098
>> YES.
>> Stephen: HOW AM I DOING?
YOU'RE AMAZING.

1042
00:34:28,100 --> 00:34:30,333
>> Stephen: HOW AM I DOING?
YOU'RE AMAZING.
YOU'RE EVERY LATE SHOW TALK SHOW

1043
00:34:30,335 --> 00:34:31,635
YOU'RE AMAZING.
YOU'RE EVERY LATE SHOW TALK SHOW
HOST DUTCH PERSON'S EXAMPLE.

1044
00:34:31,637 --> 00:34:32,135
YOU'RE EVERY LATE SHOW TALK SHOW
HOST DUTCH PERSON'S EXAMPLE.
>> Stephen: REALLY?

1045
00:34:32,137 --> 00:34:32,936
HOST DUTCH PERSON'S EXAMPLE.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
YES, YOU ARE.

1046
00:34:32,938 --> 00:34:33,904
>> Stephen: REALLY?
YES, YOU ARE.
>> Stephen: WHO ARE SOME TO

1047
00:34:33,906 --> 00:34:46,883
YES, YOU ARE.
>> Stephen: WHO ARE SOME TO
HAVE THE BIG DUTCH --

1048
00:34:46,885 --> 00:34:47,484
>> Stephen: WHO ARE SOME TO
HAVE THE BIG DUTCH --
>> LUBACH.

1049
00:34:47,486 --> 00:34:48,652
HAVE THE BIG DUTCH --
>> LUBACH.
>> Stephen: YOU DID A LOT OF

1050
00:34:48,654 --> 00:34:48,919
>> LUBACH.
>> Stephen: YOU DID A LOT OF
IMPROV.

1051
00:34:48,921 --> 00:34:49,653
>> Stephen: YOU DID A LOT OF
IMPROV.
>> I DID, YEAH.

1052
00:34:49,655 --> 00:34:51,655
IMPROV.
>> I DID, YEAH.
>> Stephen: AND I STARTED OFF

1053
00:34:51,657 --> 00:34:52,389
>> I DID, YEAH.
>> Stephen: AND I STARTED OFF
IN IMPROV.

1054
00:34:52,391 --> 00:34:52,856
>> Stephen: AND I STARTED OFF
IN IMPROV.
>> OBVIOUSLY, YEAH.

1055
00:34:52,858 --> 00:34:55,459
IN IMPROV.
>> OBVIOUSLY, YEAH.
>> Stephen: I'M JUST CURIOUS,

1056
00:34:55,461 --> 00:34:59,129
>> OBVIOUSLY, YEAH.
>> Stephen: I'M JUST CURIOUS,
A, WHAT DREW YOU TO DOING

1057
00:34:59,131 --> 00:35:00,864
>> Stephen: I'M JUST CURIOUS,
A, WHAT DREW YOU TO DOING
IMPROVIZATION BECAUSE I WAS LAZY

1058
00:35:00,866 --> 00:35:02,199
A, WHAT DREW YOU TO DOING
IMPROVIZATION BECAUSE I WAS LAZY
AND DIDN'T WANTED TO MEMORIZE

1059
00:35:02,201 --> 00:35:03,500
IMPROVIZATION BECAUSE I WAS LAZY
AND DIDN'T WANTED TO MEMORIZE
LINES, BUT WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE

1060
00:35:03,502 --> 00:35:05,202
AND DIDN'T WANTED TO MEMORIZE
LINES, BUT WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN AN AMERICAN AUDIENCE FOR

1061
00:35:05,204 --> 00:35:06,670
LINES, BUT WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN AN AMERICAN AUDIENCE FOR
COMEDY AND THE DUTCH?

1062
00:35:06,672 --> 00:35:08,405
BETWEEN AN AMERICAN AUDIENCE FOR
COMEDY AND THE DUTCH?
>> WELL, I THINK THE BIG

1063
00:35:08,407 --> 00:35:09,940
COMEDY AND THE DUTCH?
>> WELL, I THINK THE BIG
DIFFERENCE IS DUTCH, NOBODY SUES

1064
00:35:09,942 --> 00:35:11,675
>> WELL, I THINK THE BIG
DIFFERENCE IS DUTCH, NOBODY SUES
ANYONE, SO THERE ARE JUST NO

1065
00:35:11,677 --> 00:35:11,875
DIFFERENCE IS DUTCH, NOBODY SUES
ANYONE, SO THERE ARE JUST NO
RUES.

1066
00:35:11,877 --> 00:35:12,175
ANYONE, SO THERE ARE JUST NO
RUES.
( LAUGHTER )

1067
00:35:12,177 --> 00:35:15,245
RUES.
( LAUGHTER )
SO IT MEANS, LIKE, I WAS ON THIS

1068
00:35:15,247 --> 00:35:17,314
( LAUGHTER )
SO IT MEANS, LIKE, I WAS ON THIS
LIVE TV IMPROV GROUP, AND THERE

1069
00:35:17,316 --> 00:35:20,183
SO IT MEANS, LIKE, I WAS ON THIS
LIVE TV IMPROV GROUP, AND THERE
WAS A KNIFE ON THE PROPS TABLE,

1070
00:35:20,185 --> 00:35:22,119
LIVE TV IMPROV GROUP, AND THERE
WAS A KNIFE ON THE PROPS TABLE,
AND I -- THE IMPROV WAS THAT I

1071
00:35:22,121 --> 00:35:25,188
WAS A KNIFE ON THE PROPS TABLE,
AND I -- THE IMPROV WAS THAT I
HAD TO CONFRONT A GUY WHO HAD

1072
00:35:25,190 --> 00:35:27,424
AND I -- THE IMPROV WAS THAT I
HAD TO CONFRONT A GUY WHO HAD
ABUSED ME AND RUINED MY LIFE.

1073
00:35:27,426 --> 00:35:29,893
HAD TO CONFRONT A GUY WHO HAD
ABUSED ME AND RUINED MY LIFE.
SO I THOUGHT, GREAT, A KNIFE

1074
00:35:29,895 --> 00:35:30,660
ABUSED ME AND RUINED MY LIFE.
SO I THOUGHT, GREAT, A KNIFE
MIGHT COME IN HANDY.

1075
00:35:30,662 --> 00:35:31,728
SO I THOUGHT, GREAT, A KNIFE
MIGHT COME IN HANDY.
>> Stephen: SURE, YEAH.

1076
00:35:31,730 --> 00:35:33,430
MIGHT COME IN HANDY.
>> Stephen: SURE, YEAH.
O I TOOK THE KNIFE AND I

1077
00:35:33,432 --> 00:35:34,831
>> Stephen: SURE, YEAH.
O I TOOK THE KNIFE AND I
THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE A

1078
00:35:34,833 --> 00:35:35,565
O I TOOK THE KNIFE AND I
THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE A
PROP KNIFE.

1079
00:35:35,567 --> 00:35:37,100
THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE A
PROP KNIFE.
BUT IT ENDED UP BEING A

1080
00:35:37,102 --> 00:35:39,136
PROP KNIFE.
BUT IT ENDED UP BEING A
BRAND-NEW SUSHI KNIFE, AND I,

1081
00:35:39,138 --> 00:35:41,404
BUT IT ENDED UP BEING A
BRAND-NEW SUSHI KNIFE, AND I,
LIKE, SLIT THE GUY'S HAND AND WE

1082
00:35:41,406 --> 00:35:43,039
BRAND-NEW SUSHI KNIFE, AND I,
LIKE, SLIT THE GUY'S HAND AND WE
HAVE TO STOP HIM AND WE HAVE TO

1083
00:35:43,041 --> 00:35:45,008
LIKE, SLIT THE GUY'S HAND AND WE
HAVE TO STOP HIM AND WE HAVE TO
ASK IS THERE A DOCTOR HERE?

1084
00:35:45,010 --> 00:35:45,976
HAVE TO STOP HIM AND WE HAVE TO
ASK IS THERE A DOCTOR HERE?
AND YOU HAVE TO BE STITCHED.

1085
00:35:45,978 --> 00:35:47,544
ASK IS THERE A DOCTOR HERE?
AND YOU HAVE TO BE STITCHED.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID HE THINK

1086
00:35:47,546 --> 00:35:49,179
AND YOU HAVE TO BE STITCHED.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID HE THINK
THE AUDIENCE THINK WAS GOING ON?

1087
00:35:49,181 --> 00:35:50,914
>> Stephen: WHAT DID HE THINK
THE AUDIENCE THINK WAS GOING ON?
>> THEY THOUGHT IT WAS ALL PART

1088
00:35:50,916 --> 00:35:52,682
THE AUDIENCE THINK WAS GOING ON?
>> THEY THOUGHT IT WAS ALL PART
OF THE SHOW AND WE WERE, LIKE,

1089
00:35:52,684 --> 00:35:53,650
>> THEY THOUGHT IT WAS ALL PART
OF THE SHOW AND WE WERE, LIKE,
NO, THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

1090
00:35:53,652 --> 00:35:55,652
OF THE SHOW AND WE WERE, LIKE,
NO, THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
>> Stephen: DID IT GET A

1091
00:35:55,654 --> 00:35:55,852
NO, THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
>> Stephen: DID IT GET A
LAUGH?

1092
00:35:55,854 --> 00:35:58,054
>> Stephen: DID IT GET A
LAUGH?
>> OH, 100%, BUT IT WAS GAPING!

1093
00:35:58,056 --> 00:35:59,656
LAUGH?
>> OH, 100%, BUT IT WAS GAPING!
>> Stephen: TOTALLY WORTH IT

1094
00:35:59,658 --> 00:35:59,856
>> OH, 100%, BUT IT WAS GAPING!
>> Stephen: TOTALLY WORTH IT
THEN!

1095
00:35:59,858 --> 00:36:02,192
>> Stephen: TOTALLY WORTH IT
THEN!
IF HE'S A REAL PLAYER HE WILL

1096
00:36:02,194 --> 00:36:06,329
THEN!
IF HE'S A REAL PLAYER HE WILL
BE, NO, I LIKE IT, THEY'RE

1097
00:36:06,331 --> 00:36:06,596
IF HE'S A REAL PLAYER HE WILL
BE, NO, I LIKE IT, THEY'RE
LAUGHING.

1098
00:36:06,598 --> 00:36:10,500
BE, NO, I LIKE IT, THEY'RE
LAUGHING.
>> WHEN HE SEES ME, HE SAYS, HI,

1099
00:36:10,502 --> 00:36:18,675
LAUGHING.
>> WHEN HE SEES ME, HE SAYS, HI,
HKATJA, I SAY HI, I CAN SEE YOUR

1100
00:36:18,677 --> 00:36:18,875
>> WHEN HE SEES ME, HE SAYS, HI,
HKATJA, I SAY HI, I CAN SEE YOUR
SCAR!

1101
00:36:18,877 --> 00:36:23,013
HKATJA, I SAY HI, I CAN SEE YOUR
SCAR!
>> Stephen: "EVIL," SELL ME ON

1102
00:36:23,015 --> 00:36:24,214
SCAR!
>> Stephen: "EVIL," SELL ME ON
MOVING TO PARAMOUNT +.

1103
00:36:24,216 --> 00:36:25,582
>> Stephen: "EVIL," SELL ME ON
MOVING TO PARAMOUNT +.
WHAT DO I GET?

1104
00:36:25,584 --> 00:36:30,153
MOVING TO PARAMOUNT +.
WHAT DO I GET?
>> I WAS ALMOST GOING TO SAY

1105
00:36:30,155 --> 00:36:30,654
WHAT DO I GET?
>> I WAS ALMOST GOING TO SAY
(  BLEEP  ) YEAH.

1106
00:36:30,656 --> 00:36:31,721
>> I WAS ALMOST GOING TO SAY
(  BLEEP  ) YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT?

1107
00:36:31,723 --> 00:36:35,025
(  BLEEP  ) YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
I WAS GOING TO SAY LIKE F

1108
00:36:35,027 --> 00:36:36,626
>> Stephen: WHAT?
I WAS GOING TO SAY LIKE F
BOMB YEAH, THAT'S WHERE WE'LL

1109
00:36:36,628 --> 00:36:37,160
I WAS GOING TO SAY LIKE F
BOMB YEAH, THAT'S WHERE WE'LL
MOVE TO.

1110
00:36:37,162 --> 00:36:38,662
BOMB YEAH, THAT'S WHERE WE'LL
MOVE TO.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN.

1111
00:36:38,664 --> 00:36:39,763
MOVE TO.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN.
YOU CAN WEAR.

1112
00:36:39,765 --> 00:36:44,234
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN.
YOU CAN WEAR.
WHEINSTEAD OF SAYING, OH, DARN ,

1113
00:36:44,236 --> 00:36:46,236
YOU CAN WEAR.
WHEINSTEAD OF SAYING, OH, DARN ,
I CAN JUST GO --

1114
00:36:46,238 --> 00:36:50,574
WHEINSTEAD OF SAYING, OH, DARN ,
I CAN JUST GO --
>> Stephen: SAY THE WORD!

1115
00:36:50,576 --> 00:36:51,808
I CAN JUST GO --
>> Stephen: SAY THE WORD!
(  BLEEP  ).

1116
00:36:51,810 --> 00:36:53,610
>> Stephen: SAY THE WORD!
(  BLEEP  ).
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

1117
00:36:53,612 --> 00:36:53,810
(  BLEEP  ).
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪

1118
00:36:53,812 --> 00:36:54,144
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪
THAT'S NICE.

1119
00:36:54,146 --> 00:36:55,712
♪♪
THAT'S NICE.
>> Stephen: THAT WOULD BE

1120
00:36:55,714 --> 00:36:56,046
THAT'S NICE.
>> Stephen: THAT WOULD BE
GREAT.

1121
00:36:56,048 --> 00:36:57,914
>> Stephen: THAT WOULD BE
GREAT.
>> WE DID ADR FOR PREVIOUS

1122
00:36:57,916 --> 00:36:59,983
GREAT.
>> WE DID ADR FOR PREVIOUS
EPISODES AND I WENT IN AND

1123
00:36:59,985 --> 00:37:01,685
>> WE DID ADR FOR PREVIOUS
EPISODES AND I WENT IN AND
DUBBED MYSELF WHEN I SAID, OH,

1124
00:37:01,687 --> 00:37:05,355
EPISODES AND I WENT IN AND
DUBBED MYSELF WHEN I SAID, OH,
THAT BASTARD, AND I WENT IN AND

1125
00:37:05,357 --> 00:37:05,956
DUBBED MYSELF WHEN I SAID, OH,
THAT BASTARD, AND I WENT IN AND
SAID (  BLEEP  ).

1126
00:37:05,958 --> 00:37:07,457
THAT BASTARD, AND I WENT IN AND
SAID (  BLEEP  ).
>> Stephen: SO YOU MADE THE

1127
00:37:07,459 --> 00:37:09,059
SAID (  BLEEP  ).
>> Stephen: SO YOU MADE THE
SHOWS MORE STREAMABLE.

1128
00:37:09,061 --> 00:37:10,493
>> Stephen: SO YOU MADE THE
SHOWS MORE STREAMABLE.
>> YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.

1129
00:37:10,495 --> 00:37:12,162
SHOWS MORE STREAMABLE.
>> YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
>> Stephen: NOW, IN THE SHOW,

1130
00:37:12,164 --> 00:37:14,264
>> YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
>> Stephen: NOW, IN THE SHOW,
YOU PLAY SOMETHING CALLED A

1131
00:37:14,266 --> 00:37:15,165
>> Stephen: NOW, IN THE SHOW,
YOU PLAY SOMETHING CALLED A
FORENSIC PSYCHOLOGIST.

1132
00:37:15,167 --> 00:37:15,398
YOU PLAY SOMETHING CALLED A
FORENSIC PSYCHOLOGIST.
>> YES.

1133
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,200
FORENSIC PSYCHOLOGIST.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT

1134
00:37:17,202 --> 00:37:18,468
>> YES.
>> Stephen: EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT
THAT JOB IS.

1135
00:37:18,470 --> 00:37:19,536
>> Stephen: EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT
THAT JOB IS.
>> IT WOULD BE GOOD IF I KNOW

1136
00:37:19,538 --> 00:37:21,671
THAT JOB IS.
>> IT WOULD BE GOOD IF I KNOW
THAT, EXACTLY, RIGHT?

1137
00:37:21,673 --> 00:37:23,773
>> IT WOULD BE GOOD IF I KNOW
THAT, EXACTLY, RIGHT?
>> Stephen: PSYCHOLOGICAL

1138
00:37:23,775 --> 00:37:24,574
THAT, EXACTLY, RIGHT?
>> Stephen: PSYCHOLOGICAL
PROFILES --

1139
00:37:24,576 --> 00:37:27,777
>> Stephen: PSYCHOLOGICAL
PROFILES --
>> I USED TO WORK AT THE D.A.'S

1140
00:37:27,779 --> 00:37:30,313
PROFILES --
>> I USED TO WORK AT THE D.A.'S
OFFICE, I INTERVIEW SERIAL

1141
00:37:30,315 --> 00:37:34,417
>> I USED TO WORK AT THE D.A.'S
OFFICE, I INTERVIEW SERIAL
KILLERS AND FIGURE OUT IF THEIR

1142
00:37:34,419 --> 00:37:35,785
OFFICE, I INTERVIEW SERIAL
KILLERS AND FIGURE OUT IF THEIR
DEFENSE OF INSANITY -- IF

1143
00:37:35,787 --> 00:37:37,754
KILLERS AND FIGURE OUT IF THEIR
DEFENSE OF INSANITY -- IF
THEY'RE ACTUALLY INSANE OR A

1144
00:37:37,756 --> 00:37:38,054
DEFENSE OF INSANITY -- IF
THEY'RE ACTUALLY INSANE OR A
PSYCHOPATH.

1145
00:37:38,056 --> 00:37:39,122
THEY'RE ACTUALLY INSANE OR A
PSYCHOPATH.
>> Stephen: AND YOU DON'T

1146
00:37:39,124 --> 00:37:42,659
PSYCHOPATH.
>> Stephen: AND YOU DON'T
BELIEVE IN THE SUPERNATURAL,

1147
00:37:42,661 --> 00:37:43,260
>> Stephen: AND YOU DON'T
BELIEVE IN THE SUPERNATURAL,
YOU'RE THE SKEPTIC?

1148
00:37:43,262 --> 00:37:45,328
BELIEVE IN THE SUPERNATURAL,
YOU'RE THE SKEPTIC?
>> I'M A SCIENTIST, A PERSON OF

1149
00:37:45,330 --> 00:37:45,562
YOU'RE THE SKEPTIC?
>> I'M A SCIENTIST, A PERSON OF
REASON.

1150
00:37:45,564 --> 00:37:46,062
>> I'M A SCIENTIST, A PERSON OF
REASON.
>> Stephen: SURE.

1151
00:37:46,064 --> 00:37:49,399
REASON.
>> Stephen: SURE.
BUT I ALSO GET INTO THESE

1152
00:37:49,401 --> 00:37:49,733
>> Stephen: SURE.
BUT I ALSO GET INTO THESE
NIGHTMARES.

1153
00:37:49,735 --> 00:37:51,801
BUT I ALSO GET INTO THESE
NIGHTMARES.
I'M PRETTY CLOSE TO MY CHARACTER

1154
00:37:51,803 --> 00:37:54,004
NIGHTMARES.
I'M PRETTY CLOSE TO MY CHARACTER
EXCEPT SHE'S WAY SMART AND HAS A

1155
00:37:54,006 --> 00:37:54,271
I'M PRETTY CLOSE TO MY CHARACTER
EXCEPT SHE'S WAY SMART AND HAS A
DOCTORATE.

1156
00:37:54,273 --> 00:37:55,205
EXCEPT SHE'S WAY SMART AND HAS A
DOCTORATE.
>> Stephen: DO YOU NOT BELIEVE

1157
00:37:55,207 --> 00:37:56,906
DOCTORATE.
>> Stephen: DO YOU NOT BELIEVE
IN THE SUPERNATURAL?

1158
00:37:56,908 --> 00:37:57,774
>> Stephen: DO YOU NOT BELIEVE
IN THE SUPERNATURAL?
>> NO, I DON'T THINK I DO, BUT I

1159
00:37:57,776 --> 00:37:59,309
IN THE SUPERNATURAL?
>> NO, I DON'T THINK I DO, BUT I
HAVE THIS FUNKY STORY WHERE I

1160
00:37:59,311 --> 00:38:02,279
>> NO, I DON'T THINK I DO, BUT I
HAVE THIS FUNKY STORY WHERE I
USED TO BE TORTURED BY

1161
00:38:02,281 --> 00:38:03,780
HAVE THIS FUNKY STORY WHERE I
USED TO BE TORTURED BY
HEADACHES, AND I WAS COMPLETELY

1162
00:38:03,782 --> 00:38:08,752
USED TO BE TORTURED BY
HEADACHES, AND I WAS COMPLETELY
DILL BAITED, IT WAS TWO OR THREE

1163
00:38:08,754 --> 00:38:10,787
HEADACHES, AND I WAS COMPLETELY
DILL BAITED, IT WAS TWO OR THREE
YEARS, MRI SCANS, WHAT'S GOING

1164
00:38:10,789 --> 00:38:11,421
DILL BAITED, IT WAS TWO OR THREE
YEARS, MRI SCANS, WHAT'S GOING
ON WITH HER.

1165
00:38:11,423 --> 00:38:13,423
YEARS, MRI SCANS, WHAT'S GOING
ON WITH HER.
MY FRIEND SAID YOU GO TO THIS

1166
00:38:13,425 --> 00:38:14,391
ON WITH HER.
MY FRIEND SAID YOU GO TO THIS
LADY IN THE WOODS AND SHE'S

1167
00:38:14,393 --> 00:38:15,792
MY FRIEND SAID YOU GO TO THIS
LADY IN THE WOODS AND SHE'S
GOING TO FIX YOU.

1168
00:38:15,794 --> 00:38:17,927
LADY IN THE WOODS AND SHE'S
GOING TO FIX YOU.
AND I SAID I WILL DO ANYTHING.

1169
00:38:17,929 --> 00:38:19,763
GOING TO FIX YOU.
AND I SAID I WILL DO ANYTHING.
>> Stephen: GO SEE A LADY IN

1170
00:38:19,765 --> 00:38:21,331
AND I SAID I WILL DO ANYTHING.
>> Stephen: GO SEE A LADY IN
THE WOODS!

1171
00:38:21,333 --> 00:38:21,531
>> Stephen: GO SEE A LADY IN
THE WOODS!
SURE!

1172
00:38:21,533 --> 00:38:23,767
THE WOODS!
SURE!
>> SO I WENT TO THIS LADY IN THE

1173
00:38:23,769 --> 00:38:23,967
SURE!
>> SO I WENT TO THIS LADY IN THE
WOODS.

1174
00:38:23,969 --> 00:38:25,468
>> SO I WENT TO THIS LADY IN THE
WOODS.
SHE LAID ME DOWN ON THIS TABLE

1175
00:38:25,470 --> 00:38:27,671
WOODS.
SHE LAID ME DOWN ON THIS TABLE
AND SHE LOOKED AT ME AND SHE

1176
00:38:27,673 --> 00:38:30,674
SHE LAID ME DOWN ON THIS TABLE
AND SHE LOOKED AT ME AND SHE
SAID, OH, I KNOW WHAT'S GOING

1177
00:38:30,676 --> 00:38:34,744
AND SHE LOOKED AT ME AND SHE
SAID, OH, I KNOW WHAT'S GOING
ON, YOU'RE CARRYING AROUND 37

1178
00:38:34,746 --> 00:38:36,212
SAID, OH, I KNOW WHAT'S GOING
ON, YOU'RE CARRYING AROUND 37
GHOSTS, AND I'M GOING TO HAVE TO

1179
00:38:36,214 --> 00:38:38,114
ON, YOU'RE CARRYING AROUND 37
GHOSTS, AND I'M GOING TO HAVE TO
TAKE THEM AWAY BECAUSE THEY'RE

1180
00:38:38,116 --> 00:38:39,783
GHOSTS, AND I'M GOING TO HAVE TO
TAKE THEM AWAY BECAUSE THEY'RE
DESTROYING YOUR LIFE AND GIVING

1181
00:38:39,785 --> 00:38:40,216
TAKE THEM AWAY BECAUSE THEY'RE
DESTROYING YOUR LIFE AND GIVING
YOU THESE HEADACHES.

1182
00:38:40,218 --> 00:38:42,052
DESTROYING YOUR LIFE AND GIVING
YOU THESE HEADACHES.
>> Stephen: HOW DID SHE TAKE

1183
00:38:42,054 --> 00:38:42,652
YOU THESE HEADACHES.
>> Stephen: HOW DID SHE TAKE
THEM AWAY.

1184
00:38:42,654 --> 00:38:45,488
>> Stephen: HOW DID SHE TAKE
THEM AWAY.
DID SHE HAVE A PROP KNIFE?

1185
00:38:45,490 --> 00:38:45,789
THEM AWAY.
DID SHE HAVE A PROP KNIFE?
( LAUGHTER )

1186
00:38:45,791 --> 00:38:47,290
DID SHE HAVE A PROP KNIFE?
( LAUGHTER )
>> NO, WELL, SHE TALKED TO EVERY

1187
00:38:47,292 --> 00:38:49,592
( LAUGHTER )
>> NO, WELL, SHE TALKED TO EVERY
SINGLE ONE OF THEM AND SHE SAYS,

1188
00:38:49,594 --> 00:38:50,627
>> NO, WELL, SHE TALKED TO EVERY
SINGLE ONE OF THEM AND SHE SAYS,
I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T

1189
00:38:50,629 --> 00:38:53,730
SINGLE ONE OF THEM AND SHE SAYS,
I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T
BELIEVE, BUT THIS IS FINE, THIS

1190
00:38:53,732 --> 00:38:55,298
I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T
BELIEVE, BUT THIS IS FINE, THIS
IS GOING TO HELP YOU AND I'M

1191
00:38:55,300 --> 00:38:55,765
BELIEVE, BUT THIS IS FINE, THIS
IS GOING TO HELP YOU AND I'M
GOING TO DO IT.

1192
00:38:55,767 --> 00:38:57,934
IS GOING TO HELP YOU AND I'M
GOING TO DO IT.
SHE SAID, JOHN, YOU'VE GOT TO

1193
00:38:57,936 --> 00:39:00,236
GOING TO DO IT.
SHE SAID, JOHN, YOU'VE GOT TO
GO, YOU DON'T KNOW YOU'RE DEAD

1194
00:39:00,238 --> 00:39:03,173
SHE SAID, JOHN, YOU'VE GOT TO
GO, YOU DON'T KNOW YOU'RE DEAD
BUT KATJA HAS A LIFE TO LIVE AND

1195
00:39:03,175 --> 00:39:03,773
GO, YOU DON'T KNOW YOU'RE DEAD
BUT KATJA HAS A LIFE TO LIVE AND
YOU HAVE TO GO.

1196
00:39:03,775 --> 00:39:06,509
BUT KATJA HAS A LIFE TO LIVE AND
YOU HAVE TO GO.
>> Stephen: DID ANY FIGHT HER?

1197
00:39:06,511 --> 00:39:07,577
YOU HAVE TO GO.
>> Stephen: DID ANY FIGHT HER?
YI, TWO OR THREE FOUGHT WITH

1198
00:39:07,579 --> 00:39:10,613
>> Stephen: DID ANY FIGHT HER?
YI, TWO OR THREE FOUGHT WITH
HER, NO, WE LIKE IT HERE, WE

1199
00:39:10,615 --> 00:39:14,351
YI, TWO OR THREE FOUGHT WITH
HER, NO, WE LIKE IT HERE, WE
WANT TO SA STAY, AND SHE SAID,

1200
00:39:14,353 --> 00:39:15,552
HER, NO, WE LIKE IT HERE, WE
WANT TO SA STAY, AND SHE SAID,
YOU'VE GOT TO GO!

1201
00:39:15,554 --> 00:39:18,021
WANT TO SA STAY, AND SHE SAID,
YOU'VE GOT TO GO!
SO THEY WENT AND I'VE NEVER HAD

1202
00:39:18,023 --> 00:39:19,289
YOU'VE GOT TO GO!
SO THEY WENT AND I'VE NEVER HAD
ANOTHER HEADACHE IN MY LIFE.

1203
00:39:19,291 --> 00:39:21,691
SO THEY WENT AND I'VE NEVER HAD
ANOTHER HEADACHE IN MY LIFE.
I'M A SKEPTIC AND I DON'T THINK

1204
00:39:21,693 --> 00:39:23,493
ANOTHER HEADACHE IN MY LIFE.
I'M A SKEPTIC AND I DON'T THINK
I BELIEVE IN THE SUPERNATURAL

1205
00:39:23,495 --> 00:39:25,595
I'M A SKEPTIC AND I DON'T THINK
I BELIEVE IN THE SUPERNATURAL
BUT ALSO THAT HAPPENED TO ME, SO

1206
00:39:25,597 --> 00:39:26,229
I BELIEVE IN THE SUPERNATURAL
BUT ALSO THAT HAPPENED TO ME, SO
WHO KNOWS.

1207
00:39:26,231 --> 00:39:27,764
BUT ALSO THAT HAPPENED TO ME, SO
WHO KNOWS.
>> Stephen: YOU WERE RUNNING

1208
00:39:27,766 --> 00:39:30,667
WHO KNOWS.
>> Stephen: YOU WERE RUNNING
AN AIRBNB UP HERE!

1209
00:39:30,669 --> 00:39:31,000
>> Stephen: YOU WERE RUNNING
AN AIRBNB UP HERE!
( LAUGHTER )

1210
00:39:31,002 --> 00:39:32,202
AN AIRBNB UP HERE!
( LAUGHTER )
LOVELY TO MEET YOU.

1211
00:39:32,204 --> 00:39:32,702
( LAUGHTER )
LOVELY TO MEET YOU.
>> LOVELY TO MEET YOU.

1212
00:39:32,704 --> 00:39:33,737
LOVELY TO MEET YOU.
>> LOVELY TO MEET YOU.
>> Stephen: SO NICE TO HAVE

1213
00:39:33,739 --> 00:39:36,206
>> LOVELY TO MEET YOU.
>> Stephen: SO NICE TO HAVE
YOU ON FOR YOUR FIRST LATE

1214
00:39:36,208 --> 00:39:36,406
>> Stephen: SO NICE TO HAVE
YOU ON FOR YOUR FIRST LATE
NIGHT.

1215
00:39:36,408 --> 00:39:38,108
YOU ON FOR YOUR FIRST LATE
NIGHT.
YOU CAN FIND NEW EPISODES OF

1216
00:39:38,110 --> 00:39:42,379
NIGHT.
YOU CAN FIND NEW EPISODES OF
"EVIL" SUNDAYS ON PARAMOUNT +.

1217
00:39:42,381 --> 00:39:43,346
YOU CAN FIND NEW EPISODES OF
"EVIL" SUNDAYS ON PARAMOUNT +.
KATJA HERBERS,

1218
00:39:51,055 --> 00:39:52,322
♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR "THE

1219
00:39:52,324 --> 00:39:53,056
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR "THE
LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.

1220
00:39:53,058 --> 00:39:53,990
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR "THE
LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS

1221
00:39:53,992 --> 00:39:54,491
LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS
WILL BE MERRY AND PIPPIN

1222
00:39:54,493 --> 00:39:56,159
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS
WILL BE MERRY AND PIPPIN
THEMSELVES:, DOMINIC MONAGHAN

1223
00:39:56,161 --> 00:39:57,394
WILL BE MERRY AND PIPPIN
THEMSELVES:, DOMINIC MONAGHAN
AND BILLY BOYD.

1224
00:39:57,396 --> 00:39:58,695
THEMSELVES:, DOMINIC MONAGHAN
AND BILLY BOYD.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT, WITH HIS

1225
00:39:58,697 --> 00:39:59,295
AND BILLY BOYD.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT, WITH HIS
GUEST -- FOR THE WHOLE WEEK --

1226
00:39:59,297 --> 00:40:00,163
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT, WITH HIS
GUEST -- FOR THE WHOLE WEEK --
ED SHEERAN.

1227
00:40:00,165 --> 00:40:03,166
GUEST -- FOR THE WHOLE WEEK --
ED SHEERAN.
GOOD NIGHT.

1228
00:40:03,801 --> 00:40:04,300
<font color="#ffff00"> Captioning sponsored by CBS</font>

1229
00:40:04,869 --> 00:40:07,404
Captioned by
<font color="#00ffff"> Media Access Group at WGBH</font>
access.wgbh.org

1230
00:40:07,772 --> 00:40:13,910
>> HOW MUCH WORSE IS THIS
BECAUSE OF THE CLIMATE CRISIS?
>> Stephen: NOW, WE'RE NOT

1231
00:40:13,912 --> 00:40:15,345
BECAUSE OF THE CLIMATE CRISIS?
>> Stephen: NOW, WE'RE NOT
GOING TO MENTION THE FACT THAT

1232
00:40:15,347 --> 00:40:17,046
>> Stephen: NOW, WE'RE NOT
GOING TO MENTION THE FACT THAT
HE'S JUST RETURNED FROM THE

1233
00:40:17,048 --> 00:40:19,716
GOING TO MENTION THE FACT THAT
HE'S JUST RETURNED FROM THE
SURFACE OF THE SUN?

1234
00:40:19,718 --> 00:40:21,651
HE'S JUST RETURNED FROM THE
SURFACE OF THE SUN?
HE WON'T HAVE TO BE EMBALMED

1235
00:40:21,653 --> 00:40:24,154
SURFACE OF THE SUN?
HE WON'T HAVE TO BE EMBALMED
BECAUSE AT SOME POINT HE WAS

1236
00:40:24,156 --> 00:40:29,058
HE WON'T HAVE TO BE EMBALMED
BECAUSE AT SOME POINT HE WAS
HICKORY SMOKED.

1237
00:40:29,060 --> 00:40:31,628
BECAUSE AT SOME POINT HE WAS
HICKORY SMOKED.
ARBY'S, THEIR BEEF JERKY SHOUL