Captioning sponsored by CBS ♪ LIKE CRIMINAL UNDER COVER ♪
>> THERE IS NO DENYING THE
POPULARITY OF EVERYTHING K-POP.
SEEPING INTO NORTH KOREA HAS
DICTATOR KIM JONG-UN CALLING IT
A VICIOUS CANCER. A VICIOUS CANCER.
THE REGIME IS SAID TO BE THREATENING UP TO 15 YEARS OF
HARD LABOR FOR THOSE CAUGHT
LISTENING OR WATCHING.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> NOW STREAMING ON DESPOTIFY. >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW," WITH STEPHEN COLBERT.
TONIGHT:
PLUS FATHER'S DAY FIRST DRAFTS.
AND STEPHEN WELCOMES:
ANDERSON COOPER
AND MUSICAL GUEST
SLEATER-KINNEY.
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE
ED SULLIVAN THEATER FROM NEW
YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, HOW ARE YOU!
HELLO!
THE WHEN I MOVE... WHAT'S UP,
JOHN.
HEY, LOIS.
LOIS, JOAN.
GOOD TO SEE YOU!
THAT WAS GREAT LAST NIGHT,
WASN'T IT?
HEY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU.
VERY KIND.
PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.
BACK AT YOU, BROTHER.
WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE
SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
AND I JUST WANT TO
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT'S QUITE PLEASANT.
HELLO, YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.
I HAVE YET TO GET OVER HOW GOOD
IT FEELS TO BE BACK IN FRONT OF
A LIVE AUDIENCE.
IT FEELS-- IT FEELS--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU KNOW, IT'S-- IT'S-- THE
RELATIONSHIP FEELS SO FRESH.
IT'S LIKE WE'VE RENEWED OUR
VOWS.
READY FOR THE HONEYMOON.
YOU KNOW WHO'S LOOKING TO PUT
THE SPARK BACK IN THEIR
RELATIONSHIP?
THE UNITED STATES AND ITS
ALLIES.
JOE BIDEN IS ON THE EIGHTH AND
FINAL DAY OF HIS SWING THROUGH
EUROPE.
AND HE CLOSED HIS TRIP OUT WITH
A FACE-TO-FACE, TETE-A-TETE,
MONO-A-MONSTER WITH RUSSIAN
PRESIDENT AND MAN WHO
POPULARIZED THE "VLAD BOD,"
VLADIMIR PUTIN.
THE 68- AND 78-YEAR-OLD LEADERS
MET IN SWITZERLAND, NEUTRAL
TERRITORY.
IT WAS AN EPIC CONFRONTATION IN
THE TRADITION OF THE "THRILLA IN
MANILA," THE "RUMBLE IN THE
JUNGLE."
IT WAS THE "BONIVA IN GENEVA."
( LAUGHTER )
GOT THERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
THE TWO LEADERS SQUARED OFF FROM
THE GET-GO.
JUST LOOK AT THIS DRAMATIC
PHOTO:
AW, YEAH!
THEIR GUY FELL ASLEEP FIRST!
WOOO!
THAT PHOTO-OP STARTED OFF WITH
A SHOVING MATCH BETWEEN AMERICAN
AND RUSSIAN JOURNALISTS.
THIS IS TRUE.
THE CHAOS ALSO GOT IN THE WAY
OF THE CAMERAS.
CHECK OUT THIS RUSSIAN
PHOTOGRAPHER HOGGING THE REAL
ESTATE:
>> CAN HE MOVE?
BECAUSE WE CAN'T GET A SHOT OF
BOTH OF THEM.
CAN YOU MOVE?
BECAUSE WE CAN'T GET A SHOT.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: WELL, THAT IS
CLEARLY AN ACT OF--
HEY, CAN YOU MOVE?
CAN YOU-- I CAN'T-- I CAN'T DO
THE--
( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THE RUSSIANS ARE EVERYWHERE!
EXPECTATIONS WERE NOT HIGH FOR
THE MEETING, BUT EVERY AMERICAN
LEADER GOES IN WITH A SET
OF OBJECTIVES.
BIDEN WENT INTO THE DAY HOPING
TO PROMOTE PREDICTABILITY AND
STABLITY-- ALSO THE NAME OF THE
MOST BORING JANE AUSTEN NOVEL.
( LAUGHTER )
EXPERTS HAD EXPECTED A FOUR- TO
FIVE-HOUR SUMMIT, BUT IN
ACTUALITY, THE TOTAL RUNNING
TIME FOR THE SUMMIT WAS THREE
HOURS AND 21 MINUTES-- SHORTER
THAN EXPECTED, LIKE VLADIMIR
PUTIN.
( LAUGHTER )
SO, WHAT DID THEY-- REALLY?
PUTIN FANS HERE TONIGHT?
I DID NOT REALIZE.
SO, WHAT DID THEY ACCOMPLISH
WITH THEIR MINI-MEETING?
I DUNNO.
I WAS DRIFTING IN AND OUT ALL
DAY.
I THINK THEY'RE EXCHANGING
AMBASSADORS, ISN'T THAT RIGHT?
THEY'RE REVIVING THE IRANIAN
NUCLEAR DEAL, AND SOMETHING
SOMETHING ARCTIC.
BASICALLY, THE ONLY THING THAT
WAS EXCITING ABOUT IT IS THAT IT
WAS NOT THE MOST DEMORALIZING,
NAUSEATING, INTERNATIONAL
BOOTLICKING ANYONE HAS EVER
SEEN.
CHOPPER
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
A SLIGHT DIFFERENCE.
TOTALLY-- A SLIGHT DIFFERENCE.
THE "BONIVA IN GENEVA" DIDN'T
HAVE TO CLEAR A VERY HIGH BAR.
IT JUST HAD TO BE LESS
EMBARRASSING THAN THE "STINKY IN
HELSINKI."
( LAUGHTER )
AFTER THE SUMMIT, PUTIN TOOK
SOME SOFTBALL QUESTIONS FROM THE
RUSSIAN PRESS, AND THEN CALLED
ON ABC'S RACHEL SCOTT:
>> Reporter: THE LIST OF YOUR
POLITICAL OPPONENTS WHO ARE
DEAD, IMPRISONED, OR JAILED IS
LONG.
ALEXEI NAVALNY'S ORGANIZATION
CALLS FOR FREE AND FAIR
ELECTIONS AND END TO CORRUPTION,
BUT RUSSIA HAS OUTLAWED THAT
ORGANIZATION, CALLING IT
EXTREMIST, AND YOU HAVE NOW
PREVENTED ANYONE WHO SUPPORTS
HIM TO RUN FOR OFFICE.
SO MY QUESTION IS, MR.
PRESIDENT, WHAT ARE YOU SO
AFRAID OF?
( AUDIENCE REACTS )
>> Stephen: WOW, WOW, MAN.
THAT-- THAT WAS GREAT.
SHE WILL BE MISSED.
( LAUGHTER )
WE ALSO LEARNED THE TWO LEADERS
EXCHANGED GIFTS.
AMONG THE PRESENTS BIDEN GAVE TO
PUTIN WAS "A PAIR OF CUSTOM
AVIATORS."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT'S-- IT'S GREAT.
GREAT FOR WILL INTERNATIONAL
RELATIONS, BUT EVEN BETTER
FOR ME.
NOW I CAN DO TWO IMPRESSIONS
WITH ONE PROP.
"C'MON, JACK!"
( AS PUTIN )
"I WILL MURDER YOU."
( LAUGHTER )
THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
♪ ♪ ♪
COULD YOU HOLD OFF?
THEN PUTIN EXPLAINED HILLS LIFE
PHILOSOPHY.
>> ( translated ): WERE YOU
ABLE TO BRING MUTUAL
UNDERSTANDING AND TRUST WITH THE
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
IN LIFE THERE IS NO HAPPINESS.
THERE IS ONLY THE SPECTER OF
HAPPINESS.
>> Stephen: YOU DO NOT WANT THIS
GUY GIVING A TOAST AT YOUR
WEDDING.
( AS PUTIN )
"CONGRATULATIONS TO JEFFREY AND
DIANE.
MAY THE SPECTER OF HAPPINESS
HAUNT YOU.
NOW PLEASE HAVE SOME CAKE.
IT IS MADE OF VANILLA AND
CHILDREN'S TEARS, FOR WHAT IS
LIFE BUT A DIFFICULT BIRTH
ASTRIDE OF A GRAVE.
THE LIGHT GLEAMS FOR AN INSTANT,
THEN IT IS NIGHT ONCE MORE.
MAZEL TOV!"
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THEN IT WAS BIDEN'S TURN, AND HE
STARTED HIS PRESSER WITH A WEE
GAFFE.
>> I CAUGHT PART OF PRESIDENT
TRU-- UH, PUTIN'S PRESS
CONFERENCE.
>> Stephen: OOOH,INGS HEY!
HE MIXED THEM UP.
THOUGH, I HAVE TO SAY, IT WAS
OFTEN HARD TO TELL THE
DIFFERENCE.
AT THE END, THE PRESIDENT GOT A
LITTLE TESTY WITH ONE REPORTER.
>> Reporter: WHY ARE YOU SO
CONFIDENT HE'LL CHANGE HIS
BEHAVIOR, MR. PRESIDENT?
>> I'M NOT CONFIDENT HE'LL
CHANGE HIS BEHAVIOR.
WHAT THE HELL, WHAT DO YOU DO
THAT ALL THE TIME?
WHEN DID I SAY I WAS CONFIDENT?
I SAID-- WHAT I SAID WAS, LET'S
GET IT STRAIGHT.
I SAID WHAT WILL CHANGE THEIR
BEHAVIOR IS IF THE REST OF THE
WORLD REACTS TO THEM AND IT
DIMINISHES THEIR STANDING IN THE
WORLD.
I'M NOT CONFIDENT OF ANYTHING.
I'M JUST STATING A FACT.
>> Stephen: WOW, THAT WAS SOME
STRONG "GRAMPA'S HAD IT
WITH YOUR LIP" ENERGY.
"WHAT'S THAT?
WHAT'S THAT?
YOU WATCH YOUR TONE, MISTER.
WATCH YOUR TONE, LITTLE MISTER.
KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE GRAB-ASS
AND THE HORSEPLAY.
THIS ISN'T A DOG-AND-PONY SHOW.
WERE YOU BORN IN A BARN?
IF YOU WERE, GRAB A PAIL AND
START MILKING THE COWS BECAUSE
THEY'RE COMING HOME TO ROOST,
LITTLE BOY BLUE.
I FOUGHT IN KOREA!"
ANYWAY--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: YEAH, GET IT, GET IT!
GET IT!
THE
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I LIKE THAT.
THE WAY YOU PUT THAT JACKET ON,
CLASSIC.
>> Stephen: ANYWAY, U.S.,
RUSSIA, NUCLEAR WEAPONS.
I'M SURE IT'S ALL GOING TO BE
FINE.
IN HAPPIER NEWS FROM THE GRIN
BIN, ONCE AGAIN, IT'S THE THIRD
DAY OF OUR IN-PERSON SHOW, AND
I'M STILL BUBBLING WITH
VAXCITEMENT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WE'VE GOT ALL-- ALL-- ALL THE
LATEST IN OUR NEW HOPEFULLY
LONG-RUNNING SEGMENT, "OPEN UP
AND SAY AHHHHMERICA".
>> WE'RE OPEN!
LET'S PARTY NAKED.
GET IN HERE!
ALL RIGHT!
>> WOOOO!
>> YAY!
>> I'M GONNA LICK EVERYTHING
THAT MOVES!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: OKAY, AS MORE
STATES-- SAM IS CUT, MAN!
AS MORE STATES FULLY REOPEN,
EXPERTS ARE CALLING ON
BUSINESSES TO STOP UNNECESSARY
PRECAUTIONS THAT ARE DESIGNED
JUST TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL BETTER,
ALSO KNOWN AS "HYGIENE THEATER."
AH, YES, HYGIENE THEATER.
SHAKESPEARE WAS, OF COURSE, WAS
HIS CLASSIC PLAYS:
"JULIUS CLEANSER,"
"CLOROX ANDRONICUS,"
"THE PURELLING OF THE SHREW,"
AND "THE MERRY WIPES OF WINDEX."
THESE RELATIVELY USELESS
GESTURES ARE EVERYWHERE, FROM
RESTAURANTS TO SPORTS VENUES,
AND THE WASHINGTON BASEBALL FANS
ARE NOT HAPPY.
ONE NATIONALS SUPPORTER WAS
PARTICULARLY FRUSTRATED AT THE
HANDS-FREE CONDIMENT STATIONS,
SAYING, "SOMETIMES THE KETCHUP
IS BARBECUE.
SOMETIMES THE MUSTARD IS
KETCHUP.
THERE'S NO MORE RELISH OR
ONIONS.
THIS IS THE BIGGEST (BLEEP) OF
THE BALLPARK THIS YEAR.
NO, CLEARLY, THE BIGGEST (BLEEP)
THIS YEAR AND EVERY YEAR IS THAT
YOU CAN'T WEAR THE HATS THAT THE
ICE CREAM COMES IN.
WHY MAKE IT A HAT IF IT DOESN'T
FIT YOUR HEAD??
AND MAYBE A BABY.
MAYBE YOU CAN JAM IT ON A BABY'S
HEAD IF THE FONT NEL HASN'T
CLOSED YET.
OH, GROW UP!
BABY-- BABY HEADS BOUNCE!
( LAUGHTER )
NOW, IT'S NOT JUST BALLPARKS.
ONE EXPERT WONDERED WHY CLEANING
CREWS ARE STILL DISINFECTING
NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY CARS.
YES, BECAUSE BEFORE CORONAVIRUS,
EVERYONE'S FIRST THOUGHT WHEN
GETTING ON A NEW YORK CITY
SUBWAY CAR WAS, "BOY, THIS LOOKS
WAY TOO CLEAN.
( LAUGHTER )
AND WHY IS ONLY ONE GUY
PLEASURING HIMSELF?!"
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MY GUEST IS ANDERSON COOPER.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I'LL SHOW
YOU THE YEAR'S HOTTEST FATHER'S
DAY CARDS WITH A VERY SPECIAL
GUEST.
STICK AROUND.
( APPLAUSE ).
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! SAY HI TO JON BATISTE AND STAY
HUMAN.
THE MAN WITH THE PLAN.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
FOLKS, CHECK YOUR CALENDARS,
THIS SUNDAY IS FATHER DAY.
OF COURSE LAST YEAR-- YEAH, GIVE
IT UP FOR THE DADS.
WHY NOT.
>> Jon: YES, I LIKE THAT?
>> Stephen: OF COURSE, LAST
YEAR, BECAUSE OF THE PANDEMIC, A
LOT OF PEOPLE HAD TO SKIP
FATHER'S DAY.
SO THIS YEAR, YOU'RE GOING TO
WANT TO MAKE UP FOR THAT BY
FORGETTING TO BUY YOUR DAD TWO
GIFTS.
AND WHAT DAD DOESN'T LOVE TO GET
A FATHER'S DAY CARD?
THE THING IS, ALL GREETING CARDS
HAD TO START SOMEWHERE.
AND THE PEOPLE WHO WRITE THEM
DON'T ALWAYS NAIL IT ON THE
FIRST TRY, WHICH IS WHY TONIGHT,
WE'RE TAKING A LOOK AT SOME
EARLY EFFORTS IN OUR ONGOING
SEGMENT, "FIRST DRAFTS"!
>> NO, STUPID!
>> Stephen: AS ALWAYS, WITH
"FIRST DRAFTS" I NEED A
VOLUNTEER FROM THE AUDIENCE.
I SAW YOU FIRST, YOUNG LADY.
GET UP HERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
POPULALL RIGHT, THERE YOU GO.
RIGHT HERE,s MADAME.
HEY.
>> HELLO.
>> Stephen: HI, LOVELY TO SEE
YOU.
>> LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
HI.
>> Stephen: I WOULD SAY THIS,
THIS RIGHT HERE IS THE ONLY GOOD
THING THAT CAME OUT OF COVID FOR
ME IS ALL THE TIME THAT WE GOT
TO SPEND TOGETHER.
>> IT WAS NICE.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO SHOW THE
PEOPLE-- IT WAS NICE.
>> IT WAS, IT WAS VERY NICE.
>> Stephen: VERY PLEASANT.
YOU TURNED OUT TO BE GOOD
COMPANY.
WHICH IS NICE.
>> YOU USED TO ALWAYS SAY WE
SHOULD NEVER WORK TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: I DID.
I SAID WHAT IF WE DEPARTMENT
LIKE IT?
THEN WHAT?
>> WORKED OUT.
>> Stephen: WORKED OUT FINE.
YOU ACTUALLY-- ONE OF THE THINGS
PEOPLE MAY OR MAY NOT REMEMBER
WE DID THE FIRST FIVE MONTHS OF
THE SHOW DOWN IN SOUTH CAROLINA.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: IN A LITTLE ROOM,
LIKE A LITTLE LIBRARY BY
OURSELVES WITH CABLES COMING
THROUGH THE WINDOW AND A
SATELLITE TRUCK ON THE LAWN.
AND YOU-- OR ONE OF THE TWO
BOYS--
>> IT WAS THE BOYS FIRST AND
MADELEINE.
AND WHEN THE KIDS LEFT IT WAS
ME.
>> Stephen: IT WAS YOU,
EXACTLY.
AND YOU WOULD BE ON A S SATELLI,
LIKE ON A HEAD PHONE, WORKING
THE CAMERA.
>> MAN, THE PEOPLE THAT WORK FOR
YOU ARE SO SWEET.
THEY, LIKE, LAMINATED
INSTRUCTIONS IF ARE ME.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: SURE.
THEY PINNED THEM TO YOUR SLEEVE
LIKE A CHILD GOING OUT INTO THE
SNOW.
>> THEY DID.
AND I WOULD GET IN THERE AND AND
PUT ON THE HEADSET, "OKAY, I'M
READY," YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: LOOK AT THE BACK
OF THE CAMERA, SEE THE SECOND
TOGGLE FROM THE LEFT.
SEE THE RED TOGGLE?
DON'T EVER TOUCH THAT.
>> AND THEN YOU HAD TO CRAWL
OVER THE SOFA TO GET ANYTHING.
>> Stephen: YOU SHOT SOME
FOOTAGE RIGHT BEFORE WE LEFT
THAT LITTLE STUDIO DOWN THERE.
THAT IS-- THAT'S A LITTLE
BOOKSHELF.
>> THAT WAS THE SPY CAM.
>> Stephen: THAT'S THE MONITOR
SO WE COULD SEE OURSELVES.
>> LAP TOP-- THERE WERE, LIKE,
FIVE LAP TOPS THAT DID THE WHOLE
THING.
>> Stephen: THAT'S THE CAMERA
THAT I WOULD TALK INTO.
THAT'S THE PROMPTER.
THAT'S THE TANGLE--
>> OH!
THE WIRES!
>> Stephen: THE WIRES ON THE
FLOOR.
>> HOW MANY TIMES DID I SAY,
"CAN I JUST CLEAR THE WIRES?"
>> Stephen: "YOU CANNOT TOUCH
ANY WIRES THEY WOULD SAY TO
YOU."
AND THEN YOU GET TO YOUR STATION
RIGHT THERE.
THAT'S WHERE YOU WOULD SIT.
>> I WOULD SIT RIGHT THERE.
>> Stephen: THAT WAS FIVE
MONTHS.
>> IT WAS CRAZY.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR DOING THAT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> IT WAS FUN.
>> Stephen: HERE'S A GLASS OF
WINE FOR YOU AND A COCKTAIL FOR
ME.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DRINK IT.
YOU CAN BE A PARTY POOPER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> OKAY!
THE.
>> Stephen: DARLING, YOU KNOW
HOW THIS WORKS, RIGHT?
YES.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU
( LAUGHTER )
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
YES, I HAVE IN MY HAND A
FATHER'S DAY CARD, A GREETING
CARD THAT WAS SUCCESSFUL, AND
THEN AFTER I READ THIS ONE, YOU
WILL HAND ME THE ONE THAT WAS
THE FIRST DRAFT THAT WAS NOT
GOOD ENOUGH TO BE SOLD.
>> THIS PART HAS NOT CHANGED.
>> Stephen: PREMISE
ESTABLISHED.
>> WE HAVE DONE THIS, LIKE, SIX
TIMES NOW.
>> Stephen: IT'S THE FIRST
TIME WE HAVE DONE IT IN FRONT OF
AN AUDIENCE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE.
HERE'S AN INSPIRING ONE:
"HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.
NO ONE COULD EVER FILL YOUR
SHOES!"
IT'S NICE.
A LITTLE DARK, THOUGH.
WHY ARE MY SHOES EMPTY?
( LAUGHTER )
HERE'S THE FIRST DRAFT:
"HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.
NO ONE COULD EVER FILL YOUR
SHOES, BECAUSE NO ONE WOULD BE
CAUGHT DEAD IN THOSE CROCS."
( APPLAUSE )
>> TRUE.
THROW AWAY THE CROCS.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE ANY
PLANS FOR FATHER'S DAY FOR ME?
>> I THINK YOU REQUESTED TO
SLEEP LATE.
>> Stephen: THAT IS TRUE.
THAT IS TRUE.
THAT IS ALL I WANT IS-- ALL I
WANT IS UNCONSCIOUSNESS.
( LAUGHTER )
THIS ONE SAYS:
"I DON'T KNOW HOW I LUCKED OUT
WITH SUCH A SENSITIVE,
EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE DAD.
BUT I AM GRATEFUL EVERY DAY THAT
YOU ARE YOU."
>> OH!
THAT'S TRUE.
YOU ARE THAT, THOUGH.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, THANK
YOU VERY MUCH.
>> VERY SENSITIVE?
>> Stephen: THE FIRST DRAFT
SAID:
"I DON'T KNOW HOW I LUCKED OUT
WITH SUCH A SENSITIVE,
EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE DAD.
BUT COULD YOU PLEASE CRY LESS
AROUND MY FRIENDS?"
>> THAT'S ALSO TRUE.
>> Stephen: THAT IS.
>> THAT'S VERY TRUE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: FREQUENTLY.
ESPECIALLY OUR DAUGHTER WILL GO,
"ARE YOU GOING TO CRY?"
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: I LOVE A GOOD CRY.
LOVE A GOOD CRY.
HERE'S A NICE ONE THAT SAYS,
"DAD, YOU'RE A NON-STOP FUN
MACHINE!
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY."
BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID:
"DAD, YOU'RE A NON-STOP FUN
MACHINE!
BUT WE'RE BOTH TOO OLD FOR THESE
HORSEY RIDES.
I'M GOING TO SLIP A DISC."
( LAUGHTER )
VERY NICE.
NOW, WHAT ABOUT-- WHAT ABOUT
YOUR FATHER?
YOU GOT ANYTHING FOR PETER.
>> YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT I GOT
HIM?
I CAN'T SAY THAT BECAUSE HE
MIGHT WATCH THIS.
>> Stephen: DOES YOUR DAD
WATCH THIS?
YOUR MOM WATCHES.
>> THEY WATCHED MONDAY NIGHT AND
BOTH TOLD ME I DID A GOOD JOB.
>> Stephen: WHEN YOU CAME OUT.
>> VERY SWEET.
>> Stephen: WHISPER.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO GET HIM?
THAT'S PERFECT.
HE'S GOING TO LOVE THAT.
CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT IT IS, BUT
PETER MAGEE, YOU'RE GOING TO
LOVE IT.
THIS CARD SAYS:
"THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS GIVING ME
A HAND TO HOLD.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY."
THAT IS TRULY SWEET.
>> OUR KIDS WON'T HOLD OUR HANDS
ANYMORE, HON.
>> Stephen: HOWEVER, THE FIRST
DRAFT SAID:
"THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS GIVING ME
A HAND TO HOLD.
BUT, LIKE, WHOSE HANDS WERE
THOSE?"
A LITTLE DARK.
IT'S A LITTLE DARK.
THERE WAS SOME CONJECTURE IN
REHEARSAL AS TO WHETHER I WOULD
CUT THAT ONE, BECAUSE IT'S A
LITTLE DARK.
I'M GLAD I DIDN'T.
YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE SALTY WITH
THE SWEET.
HERE'S A CARD THAT SAYS:
"D.A.D."
AND INSIDE, THE LETTERS SPELL
OUT "DOWN TO EARTH, AWESOME
DEVILISHLY HANDSOME."
THAT'S NICE.
EVERY DAD WOULD WANT TO GET
THAT, WANT TO GET THAT.
BUT THE FIRST DRAFT READ:
"D.A.D., DAD, A DAD.
DAMN, WHAT ELSE STARTS WITH
"D"?"
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
ANY OF THE CHILDREN GOING TO BE
AROUND?
>> I THINK PETER.
>> Stephen: OKAY, ONE OF THEM
WILL BE AROUND, OKAY.
NO PRESSURE.
NO PRESSURE, BULDY.
YOU HAVE TO HAVE ALL THE LOVE OF
ALL THREE OF YOU RIGHT AT ME.
( LAUGHTER )
HERE'S A NICE ONE:
"NOW THAT COVID'S OVER, I CAN
REUNITE WITH MY FAVORITE GUY, MY
DAD!"
>> OH!
>> Stephen: SEE, LOOK AT THAT.
THEY'RE DOING THEIR PART, TOO,
OUT IN THE AUDIENCE.
>> THEY REALLY ARE.
>> Stephen: BUT THE FIRST
DRAFT SAID:
"NOW THAT COVID'S OVER, I CAN
REUNITE WITH MY FAVORITE GUY,
MOM'S NEW BOYFRIEND, CHRIS!
HE LETS ME BORROW HIS JET SKI!"
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> THEY COULD HAPPEN.
>> Stephen: IT COULD HAPPEN?
>> I MEAN NOT FOR US.
>> Stephen: IT COULD HAPPEN?
>> NOT FOR US.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
>> I DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND ON
THE SIDE.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T?
>> I'M TOO OLD FOR THAT.
>> Stephen: WHERE-- WHERE DO
YOU HAVE HIM?
#-R
( LAUGHTER )
IF NOT ON THE SIDE.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: HOLD ON.
FAMILY SHOW.
OKAY.
HERE'S ANOTHER ONE: I CAN'T
BELIEVE WE'RE ALL TOGETHER AGAIN
THIS YEAR.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE ALL
TOGETHER AGAIN THIS YEAR.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.
>> THIS IS THE LAST ONE,
EVERYBODY.
HERE WE GO.
HERE'S ANOTHER ONE:
"I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE ALL
THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
>> Stephen: AND THANKS FOR
DOING THESE CARDS WITH ME IN
THAT LITTLE STORAGE ROOM DOWN IN
SOUTH CAROLINA EVERY HOLIDAY FOR
15 MONTHS.
>> IT WAS FUN.
>> Stephen: YEAH, AND THIS IS
HOW WE DISCOVERED IT WAS OKAY TO
WORK TOGETHER.
YEAH.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN AFRAID OF
YOU THIS WHOLE TIME.
>> MAYBE.
>> Stephen: WE'LL SEE, IT'S
EARLY, IT'S EARLY DAYS.
THIS ONE SAYS: "DAD'S YOU'RE A
STAR.
THANKS FOR SHINING YOUR LIGHT.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY."
BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID: "DAD,
YOU'RE'S STAR.
I COULDN'T EXIST WITHOUT YOU BUT
YOU'RE MOSTLY GAS AND IMPOSSIBLE
TO GET CLOSE TO."
EVIE MAGEE, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
ANDERSON COOPER.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WELCOE BACK.
MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN EMMY AND
PEABODY AWARD-WINNING JOURNALIST
WHO IS A CORRESPONDENT FOR CBS'S
"60 MINUTES" AND THE HOST OF
"ANDERSON COOPER 360."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE
SHOW," ANDERSON COOPER!
♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU. LOOK AT THE PEOPLE. >> CRAZY, FANTASTIC.
>> Stephen: SO, THIS IS OUR
THIRD SHOW BACK WITH A FULL
AUDIENCE HERE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: AND IT'S-- IT'S
SORT OF STRIKING HOW QUICKLY
THINGS ARE STARTING TO FEEL
NORMAL.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: TO ME.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WAS THERE A
MOMENT, OR HAVE YOU GOTTEN THERE
YET, WHERE-- HOW ABOUT NEW YORK?
YOU GREW UP IN NEW YORK.
IS THERE A MOMENT WHEN YOU FELT
LIKE, "OH, GOD, THIS IS WHAT NEW
YORK FEELS LIKE?"
IT'S BEEN GHOSTLY FOR PART OF
THE YEAR.
>> IT HAS BEEN GHOSTLY AND I
HAVE BEEN RIDING MY BIKE
THROUGHOUT THE CITY BECAUSE I
HAVE BEEN GOING TO THE OFFICE.
>> Stephen: AND YOU COULD RIDE
DOWN BROADWAY FOR PART OF IT.
>> I FEEL LIKE NEW YORK IS BACK,
BUT WAY BACK.
WHEN I GREW UP IN NEW YORK CITY,
AND I LIVED RIGHT BY WASHINGTON
SQUARE PARK.
WHEN I WAS A KID, WASHINGTON
SQUARE PARK WAS WHERE YOU WENT
TO GET MUGGED.
AND, LIKE --
>> Stephen: I'M SORRY, I HAVE
AN APPOINTMENT.
>> I GREW UP IN NEW YORK IN THE
70s AND EARLY 80s, AND ALL
WE TALKED ABOUT AS KIDS WAS WHEN
WE WERE GOING-- LIKE, WHEN WE
WERE GOING TO GET MUGGED,
GETTING MUGGED, WHO STOLE MY BUS
PASS.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE
ETIQUETTE FOR BEING MUGGED.
>> EXACTLY.
AND I WALKED THROUGH WASHINGTON
SQUARE PARK THE OTHER DAY AND A
COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO THE
NORTHWEST CORNER OF THE PARK HAD
BEEN TAKEN OVER BY FOLKS WHO
WERE VERY, YOU KNOW, DEDICATED
TO USING SUBSTANCES.
>> Stephen: THERE'S LIKE A
NIGHTLY RAVE SCENE NOW.
WHATEVER THAT MEANS THESE DAY.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHY ANYONE WOULD
WANT TO GO TO A RAVE IN
WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK.
IT SOUNDS JUST, LIKE, AWFUL TO
ME.
AND I I GUESS THE LAST ONE ON
SATURDAY NIGHT PEOPLE WERE
STABBED.
SO THAT DOESN'T SOUND GOOD.
THE PARK HAS BEEN, IT'S, LIKE,
BACK INDEPENDENT 70s.
I FEEL LIKE I'M BACK TO THE
FUTURE.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: SO THERE'S GOING
TO BE-- THERE'S GOING TO BE A
PUNK SCENE.
I'LL SEE YOU AT STEREO 54.
>> EXACTLY, YES.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GO TO
STUDIO--
>> I WENT TO STUDIO 54 TWICE.
BOTH TIMES MY MOM BROUGHT ME,
WHICH TELLS YOU A LITTLE BIT
ABOUT HOW I WAS RAISED.
I WAS 11 YEARS OLD WHICH, AGAIN,
DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A GOOD IDEA.
>> Stephen: "HONEY, MOMMY IS
GOING TO GO DANCE.
YOU STAY HERE WITH MICK AND
BIANCA."
>> ACTUALLY, THAT'S NOT A JOKE.
FIRST TIME I WENT IT WAS FOR THE
PREMIERE OF "THE WIZ," BECAUSE
MY MOM WAS DATING SIDNEY LAMET
AND I WENT WITH MICHAEL JACKSON
AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHO MICHAEL
JACKSON WAS BECAUSE I DIDN'T
LISTEN TO MUSIC AS A KID.
I WAS PLAYING "DUDGEONS AND
DRAGONS."
AND MY ONLY MEMORY WAS SEEING
MICHAEL JACKSON DANCE WITH
SOMEBODY.
AND I TURNED TO THE PERSON NEXT
TO ME AND SAID, "HE'S REALLY
GOOD AT THAT.
HE SHOULD PURSUE THAT."
>> Stephen: THE MOST
BELIEVABLE PART OF THAT STORY IS
THAT AN 11-YEAR-OLD ANDERSON
COOPER WOULD USE THE PHRASE "HE
SHOULD PURSUE THAT."
>> YEAH, THAT'S TOTALLY TRUE.
I WAS VERY CONCERNED ABOUT --
>> Stephen: HE SHOULD BROADEN
HIS HORIZONS, MOTHER.
>> AND THE SECOND TIME WE WENT,
GRACE JONES PERFORMED.
>> Stephen: HOLY COW!
>> YEAH.
AND MY MEMORY-- I DON'T KNOW IF
THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED.
BUT AT SOME POINT, WITH THE
MICROPHONE CABLE, SHE SEEMED TO
HAVE MADE SOME SORT OF A, LIKE,
A NOOSE, PUT IT AROUND THE NECK
OF SOME GUY IN THE AUDIENCE.
AND I REMEMBER HER LIFTING HIM
UP.
I DON'T WILL THINK THAT ACTUALLY
HAPPENED, BUT THAT'S HOW IT
LOOKED TO ME AT 11.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: OKAY, SO, NOW...
( LAUGHTER )
THIS ALL SOUNDS REALLY FUN TO
ME, ACTUALLY.
NOW YOU'RE A DAD YOURSELF.
>> IT'S A VERY RELATABLE
CHILDHOOD, I THINK.
>> Stephen: SPEAKING OF
CHILDHOOD AND RELATING TO IT,
YOU■ ARE NOW A DAD OF YOUR OWN.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: OF YOUNG WYATT,
RIGHT HERE.
>> YES, YEAH.
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: TURNED ONE.
>> YEAH, HE TURNED ONE APRIL 27.
HE TURNED ONE YEARS OLD.
>> Stephen: IS HE TALKING?
>> HE TALKS IN A DIALECT OF
HINDI OR URDU, I'M NOT SURE.
IT'S A REALLY INTERESTING
DIALECT.
I'M TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IT
IS.
IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE AT
THIS POINT BUT HE'S VERY
COMMITTED TO IT.
>> Stephen: LOOK AT THOSE
EYES.
THE EYES DO NOT FALL FAR FROM
THE DAD THERE.
>> I KNOW, I KNOW.
SO JUST FOR THE FIRST TIME, I
WAS IN ISRAEL LAST WEEK, MY
FIRST WORK TRIP FOR "60
MINUTES," AND I WAS DOING AN
INTERVIEW, AND I GET THIS TEXT
FROM WYATT'S OTHER DAD,
BENJAMIN, AND HE SAID, "HE JUST
WALKED."
EXCLAMATION MARK, EXCLAMATION
MARK.
>> Audience: OOOH.
>> YOU WOULD THINK THAT WOULD BE
MY REACTION.
MY REACTION WAS FURY,s I WAS
LIKE, "A," I CAN'T BELIEVE I
MISSED THIS, THAT I'M COULD GO
THIS INTERVIEW IN ISRAEL OF ALL
PLACES.
AND, SECONDLY, THEN I GOT REALLY
PISSED AT BENJAMIN FOR-- I WAS
LIKE, IN MY HOUSEHOLD, WHEN I
GREW UP, YOU WOULD LIE ABOUT
EVERYTHING.
( LAUGHTER )
SO HE SHOULD HAVE JUST LIED, AND
SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID HE JUST
WALKED.
HE SHOULD HAVE LIED AND SAID
HE'S NOT WALKING AT ALL.
SO WHEN I GOT HOME AND HE WALKED
WE WOULD HAVE BEEN, "OH, MY GOD,
IT'S THE FIRST WORK."
>> Stephen: WOW, WOW.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: BUT THE THING IS--
>> AND HE WALKS --
>> Stephen: MISSING YOUR
CHILD'S FIRST WALK--
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: PROVES YOU ARE A
FATHER.
>> I KNOW, EXACTLY, YES.
AND HE WALKS LIKE A DRUNKEN
SAILOR.
AND --
>> Stephen: NOT WELL THEN.
>> HE WALKS LIKE SOMEONE AT THE
RAVE IN WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK.
( LAUGHTER )
WHICH MAKES ME A LITTLE WORRIED
ABOUT WHAT HE WAS DOING IN
ISRAEL.
>> Stephen: DON'T GIVE HIM A
KNIFE.
SUNDAY IS FATHER'S DAY.
THIS IS YOUR SECOND.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: HOW HAS FATHER--
WHAT?
>> NO, GOOD AHEAD.
>> Stephen: DID I GET
SOMETHING WRONG?
ARE YOU FACT CHECKING ME?
>> NO, IT WAS FUNNY, BECAUSE
YOUR PRODUCER SAID-- I TALKED TO
HER ON THE PHONE BEFORE I CAME
HERE.
AND SHE SAID, "STEPHEN MAY ASK
YOU ABOUT THIS WEEKEND."
I SAID, "GREAT.
WHAT'S THIS WEEKEND?"
AND SHE WAS LIKE, "IT'S FATHER'S
DAY."
AND I WAS LIKE OH... BECAUSE MY
DAD DIED WHEN I WAS 10.
>> Stephen: AS DID MINE.
>> AND FOR ME, FATHER'S DAY WAS
SOMETHING I AVOIDED-- I JUST--
JUST DID NOT ACKNOWLEDGE IT.
AND WHEN ALL KIDS IN SCHOOL--
AND I THINK FOR ANYBODY OUT
THERE WHO LOST A PARENT EARLY--
YOU KNOW, HOLIDAYS AND
ESPECIALLY FAWGD'S DAY, WHEN YOU
DON'T HAVE A DAD, IT'S JUST--
I'S NOT EVEN BITTERSWEET.
IT'S JUST LIKE --
>> Stephen: KIND OF
INEXPLICABLE.
>> YEAH, IT'S INEXPLICABLE.
AND THE PAIN WAS SO GREAT FOR MY
ENTIRE-- MOST OF MY LIFE, I
DIDN'T KNOW FATHER'S DAY WAS
THIS DATE, AND THE INTERESTING
THING FOR ME ABOUT HAVING A SON,
A CHILD, IT HAS MADE ME SORT OF
CONNECT WITH MY DAD AND MY MOM'S
PAST AND MY BROTHER'S PAST IN A
WAY THAT I NEVER REALLY
ANTICIPATED.
LIKE, I FEEL LIKE I AM IN
COMMUNION WITH THEM IN SOME
STRANGE WAY, AND I REMEMBER
THINGS ABOUT MY DAD THAT I NEVER
REMEMBERED BEFORE BECAUSE I'M
EXPERIENCING THEM WITH WYATT AS
A DAD.
IT'S REALLY INTERESTING.
>> Stephen: THAT'S VERY
BEAUTIFUL.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: THAT'S VERY
BEAUTIFUL.
I'M VERY HAPPY FOR YOU.
>> YEAH, NO, IT'S INCREDIBLE.
>> Stephen: IT'S AN UNEXPECTED
GIFT OF BEING A FATHER
( APPLAUSE ).
>> IT REALLY IS.
AND SO MY MOM PAINTED A LOT, AND
SHE DID A PORTRAIT OF HER AND MY
FATHER, WHICH I REALLY LIKE.
AND I PUT IT OUTSIDE WYATT'S
ROOM.
AND EVERY MORNING WHEN I WALK
BY, HE STOPS,S AND HE INSISTS ON
GOING OVER AND TOUCHING THE
PORTRAIT OF MY MOM AND MY DAD.
WHICH I FIND REALLY...
WONDERFUL
( VOICE BREAKING ).
>> Stephen: THAT IS VERY
BEAUTIFUL.
( APPLAUSE )
I'VE ALWAYS SAID-- I'VE ALWAYS
SAID-- I'VE ALWAYS SAID TO
PEOPLE WHO ARE ABOUT TO HAVE
KIDS, IT CAN BE HARD, BUT IT'S
ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: EVEN WHEN YOU
THINK HOW CAN I GO ON.
I HAVEN'T SLEPT FOR DAYS.
BUT IT TAPS YOU ON THE SHOULDER
AND PUNCH YOUS IN THE FACE WHEN
YOU DON'T EXPECT IT.
IT PUNCHES YOU WITH THE
BEAUTIFUL.
IT'S NOT THAT IT'S NOT PAINFUL
BUT IT'S HUMAN AND CONNECTS YOU
ON A PRIMAL LEVEL FLOTONLY TO
YOUR FATHER BUT ALL THE FATHERS
ALL THE WAY BACK.
>> EVERY CLICHE COMES TRUE.
IT CHANGES THE WAY YOU THINK
ABOUT THE WORLD.
AND I DID NOT KNOW MY HEART
COULD GROW NEW CHAMBERS AND NEW
VENTRICLES-- I'M NOT SURE WHAT A
VENTRICLE IS.
>> Stephen: IT IS IN THERE.
IT DE-GRINCHIFIES YOU.
>> IT WHAT.
>> Stephen: IT DEGRINCHIFIES
YOU.
ARE YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH "HOW
THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS.
DO YOU HAVE PLANS FOR THE
WEEKEND?
>> I'M GOING TO GO HANG OUT WITH
BENJAMIN'S OTHER DAY-- I MEAN,
WYATT'S OTHER DAD, BENJAMIN.
>> Stephen: BENJAMIN'S DAD CAN
COME, TOO,s THAT WOULD BE
COOL.
>> AND WE'RE GOING TO HANG OUT
IN CONNECTICUT AND JUST-- JUST
BE DADS.
>> Stephen: I HAVE A BONE TO
PICK WITH YOU, THOUGH.
>> UH-OH.
>> Stephen: YOU SEEM TO BE
TAKING THIS DAD THING VERY
SERIOUSLY.
AND THAT'S GREAT.
IT'S WONDERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL AND
EVERYTHING YOU HAVE SAID IS
GREAT.
>> WOW, THAT REALLY CAME FROM
THE HEART.
>> Stephen: IT REALLY DID, "IT
REALLY DID.
YOU WILL SEE WHY IN JUST A
SECOND.
WHERE IS THE DAD BOD, THOUGH.
ANDERSON, YOU'RE NOT REALLY
COMMITTED UNTIL I SEE A GUT.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
THIS IS WHAT A DAD LOOKS LIKE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
THIS IS A DAD, OKAY.
RIGHT THERE, BABY.
YEAH.
THERE IT IS.
ANYTHING?
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, STEPHEN I'M A
GAY MAN.
WE CAN'T LET OURSELVES GO.
>> Stephen: HIRE STANDARDS!
HIGHER STANDARDS!
>> SET AN EXAMPLE.
>> Stephen: WELL WE HAVE TO
TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF A BREAK.
PLEASE STICK AROUND.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK W
WE'RE BACK HERE WITH THE HOST OF "ANDERSON COOPER 360", ANDERSON COOPER.
ANDERSON, I WANT TO TAKE A
MOMENT TO TALK ABOUT THE BIG
SUMMIT THAT HAPPENED TODAY.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: I MEAN, EVERY NEWS
ORGANIZATION WAS JUST BLASTING
IT FOR DAYS.
I'M SURE CNN HAD A COUNTDOWN
CLOCK.
DID THEY HAVE A COUNTDOWN CLOCK?
>> WOULD HAVE GONE WAS THERE AND
THE PRESIDENT KIND OF SORT OF
PUSHED BACK AT A REPORTER, WHO
ASKED A VERY REASONABLE
QUESTION.
>> Stephen: ABOUT CONFIDENCE?
>> SOMETHING ABOUT CONFIDENCE.
>> Stephen: HE BIT HER HEAD
OFF, IS WHAT HE DID.
AND THEN HE APOLOGIZED.
>> I KNOW HE DID.
>> Stephen: WHICH IS THE
WEIRDEST THING FOR A PRESIDENT.
>> I KNOW, YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT-- YOU HAVE
WATCHED THESE.
YOU'VE BEEN TO THESE.
YOU WERE IN HELSINKI, RIGHT.
I WAS AT THE --
>> Stephen: "STINKY IN
HELSINKI."
>> IT STILL BLOWS MY MIND.
>> Stephen: THAT THAT
HAPPENED.
>> THAT THAT HAPPENED.
AND IN FACT I REMEMBER AFTER IT
HAPPENED, AFTER THAT LIVE PRESS
CONFERENCE HAPPENED WHERE THEY
WERE BOTH TOGETHER, AND THE
THEN-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES SIDED WITH VLADIMIR PUTIN
AGAINST THE UNITED STATES.
>> Stephen: AND INVITED HIM
AND SAID, "I'M INVITING HIM TO
THE WHITE HOUSE."
>> BUT I JUST REMEMBER --
>> Stephen: REALLY IT WAS
PRESIDENT JACKIE MASON REQUEST.
>> IT WAS.
>> Stephen: THIS SCHMUCK OVER
HERE ASKED ME A QUESTION.
JACKIE WAS AT STUDIO 54, TOO.
>> YOU EVER SEE HIM ON BROADWAY?
MAYBE HE WAS IN THIS THEATER.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU MAKE
OF THE DAY?
DO YOU THINK WE LEARNED
ANYTHING?
>> I MEAN, NOT REALLY, NO.
I THINK THIS WAS MORE ABOUT, YOU
KNOW, THE BIDEN WHITE HOUSE
WANTING TO KIND OF RESET THE
UNITED STATES ON A GLOBAL STAGE,
SEND A MESSAGE OF-- TO THE WORLD
ABOUT WHERE THE UNITED STATES IS
RIGHT NOW.
>> Stephen: IT'S LIKE THE
ENTIRE PROMISE OF THE BIDEN
PRESIDENCY IS, "WE'RE GOING TO
NORMAL THE ( BLEEP ) OUT OF
THIS."
( LAUGHTER )
"YOU'RE GOING TO BE SO BORED BY
HOW NORMAL THIS IS GOING TO BE."
>> I MEAN, THE THINGS THAT CAME
OUT OF IT, THEY'RE BOTH ANYTHING
TO HAVE THE AMBASSADORS GO BACK
AND BE THE AMBASSADORS.
OKAY, THAT'S THE HEADLINE...
LIKE... I'M NOT SURE HOW GREAT A
HEADLINE THAT IS.
>> Stephen: HAPPY FATHER'S
DAY.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: LOVELY TO SEE YOU
AGAIN, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
HAVE A HAPPY DAY WITH WYATT AND
BENJAMIN.
>> THANK YOU.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG. >> SIR, I KNOW IT'S FLAG DAY,
BUT CAN YOU BACK UP, PLEASE?
HELLO, SIR, PLEASE MOVE BACK.
CAN SOMEONE HELP.
THIS ROCK-FACED FREAK IS
BREATHING PULLED PORK ON ME.
WHY ARE YOU FAWNING OVER ME?
I DIDN'T EVEN INSULT YOUR WIFE.
SORRY, WRONG FLAG.
3 AR-15.
GO GET IT, LITTLE FELLA.
LET'S HOPE THERE'S NOT ANOTHER
PATRIOTIC HOLIDAY COMING UP.
JULY 4, CRA
"WORRY WITH YOU" FROM THEIR ALBUM, "PATH OF WELLNESS," SLATER-KINNEY!
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ TEN THOUSAND MILES
AND AN OCEAN BETWEEN US
♪ GET ME TO YOUR SHORE,
SO I CAN RECEIVE THIS
♪ IF I'M GONNA WORRY,
I'M GONNA WORRY WITH YOU
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
AND DARK THOUGHTS ARE WHIRLING
♪ CROSSING OFF THE DAYS
TILL YOU ARE RETURNING
♪ IF I'M GONNA WORRY,
I'M GONNA WORRY WITH YOU
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ OH, I'M ON THE OTHER SIDE
PICKING UP SPEED
♪ LET GO OF THE SHAME AND
LIES I DON'T NEED
♪ IF I'M GONNA FREAK OUT, I'M
GONNA FREAK OUT WITH YOU
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ LET'S GET LOST BABY
AND TAKE A WRONG TURN
♪ THAT'S THE LIFE,
THAT'S THE LIFE
♪ WE NEVER EVER WANNA GET BURNED
LET'S GET LOST BABY
♪ AND TAKE A WRONG TURN
THAT'S THE LIFE,
♪ THAT'S THE LIFE
WE NEVER EVER WANNA GET BURNED
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ I HAD THOUGHT,
THERE WAS NO PLACE
♪ FOR WHAT I FEEL
AND THEN I LEARNED,
♪ YOU ARE THE PLACE
FOR WHAT I FEEL
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ COME AT ME WITH
ALL OF YOUR SWAGGER
♪ THE STRENGTH OF YOU
IS WHAT I'VE BEEN AFTER
♪ IF I'M GONNA MESS UP,
I'M GONNA MESS UP WITH YOU
♪ OH, I FIGURED OUT THAT LOVE
TAKES YOU FURTHER
♪ THIS HEART WAS READY
FOR THE LIFE PRESERVER
♪ IF I'M GONNA WORRY,
I'M GONNA WORRY WITH YOU
♪ IT'S TRUE
♪ ♪ ♪
LET'S GET LOST BABY
♪ AND TAKE A WRONG TURN
THAT'S THE LIFE,
♪ THAT'S THE LIFE
WE NEVER EVER WANNA GET BURNED
♪ LET'S GET LOST BABY
AND TAKE A WRONG TURN
♪ THAT'S THE LIFE, THAT'S THE
LIFE
♪ WE NEVER EVER WANNA GET BURNED
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ LET'S GET LOST BABY
AND TAKE A WRONG TURN
♪ THAT'S THE LIFE,
THAT'S THE LIFE
♪ WE NEVER EVER WANNA GET BURNED
LET'S GET LOST BABY
♪ AND TAKE A WRONG TURN
THAT'S THE LIFE, THAT'S THE LIFE
♪ WE NEVER EVER WANNA GET BURNED
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ TAKE A WRONG TURN,
YOU TAKE A WRONG TURN
♪ TAKE A WRONG TURN,
YOU TAKE A WRONG TURN
♪ TAKE A WRONG TURN,
YOU TAKE A WRONG TURN
♪ TAKE A WRONG TURN
♪ ♪ ♪
♪
THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." PLEASE, TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE NATHAN LANE.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.
Captioning sponsored by CBS
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