Captioning sponsored by CBS >> IT GOES TO SHOW THE WAYS IN
WHICH U.S. POLITICS ARE STEEPED
INTO LIFE ABROAD.
WITH NOOR BIN LADEN, THE NIECE
OF OSAMA BIN LADEN, OUTSIDE THE
SUMMIT IN GENEVA FLYING A "TRUMP
WON" FLAG FROM A BOAT.
>> HI.
I'M CHIP MANSON.
NOW, THE MANSON FAMILY MIGHT
HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF A CHECKERED
PAST, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE
DON'T KNOW INJUSTICE WHEN WE SEE
IT.
THE DOMINION VOTING MACHINES
DELIBERATELY MISCOUNTED BALLOTS
IN AN EFFORT TO STEAL POWER.
I'D STAKE MY NAME ON IT --
WHICH, IN CASE YOU FORGOT, IS
CHIP MANSON.
MANSON FOR SHORT.
SOME GOOD FOLKS HAVE ASKED ME TO
DISTANCE MYSELF FROM THE "STOP
THE STEAL" MOVEMENT DUE TO THE
BAD OPTICS OR AT LEAST CHANGE MY
NAME.
BUT I LIKE MY NAME -- CHIP!
IT'S FUN, IT'S CARE FREE, PLUS
IT GOES GREAT WITH MY LAST
NAME -- MANSON.
CHIP MANSON.
SO THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE SAYS
INCITING VIOLENCE TO MAINTAIN
POWER IS A BAD THING, JUST TELL
THEM MANSON SAYS DIFFERENTLY.
AND, PLEASE, DON'T JUDGE THIS
MOVEMENT BECAUSE MY UNCLE IS
CHARLES MANSON.
I'M ALSO COUSINS WITH MARILYN
MANSON.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!
TONIGHT, THE EMANCIPATION
CELEBRATION!
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES NATHAN
LANE AND MUSICAL GUEST GRIFF,
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY
HUMAN."
LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED
SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HELLO, JON! I LIKE THIS, I LIKE THAT!
>> Jon: OH, YEAH!
>> Stephen: PLEASE HAVE A
SEAT, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME ONE AND ALL, IN HERE,
OUT THERE, UPSTAIRS IN THE
BALCONY, I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN
COLBERT
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THE FEELING IS MUTUAL A WALL.
IT IS GREAT TO BE HERE WITH YOU
ALL ON OUR FIRST THURSDAY BACK
HERE IN THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NOTHING -- NOTHING LIKE A
THURSDAY.
>> Jon: NOTHING LIKE A
THURSDAY.
>> Stephen: AFTER 15 MONTHS
AWAY, ONE OF THE STRANGEST
THINGS -- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU
FEEL THIS WAY, JON -- ONE TO
HAVE THE STRANGEST THINGS IS HOW
QUICKLY THIS FEELS NORMAL.
>> Jon: YES.
>> Stephen: AND I FOR ONE
NEVER WANT TO FORGET WHAT A
PRIVILEGE IT IS TO BE WITH YOU
ALL HERE TONIGHT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT ALL GOT TAKEN AWAY.
>> Jon:ETH ALL GOT TAKEN AWAY.
>> Stephen: HE GIVETH AND
TAKETH AWAY.
I AM THE JOB OF LATE NIGHT.
I AM ESPECIALLY THRILLED TO BE
HERE WITH YOU
SIGNED A BILL MAKING JUNETEENTH
A NATIONAL HOLIDAY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: I LIKE THAT!
>> Stephen: INCREDIBLE NEWS!
THAT'S A GOOD ONE RIGHT THERE!
>> Jon: YES!
>> Stephen: AMAZING!
AND NOT ONLY -- AND LONG
OVERDUE.
JUNETEENTH COMMEMORATES
JUNE 19th, 1865, THE DAY THE
LAST GROUP OF ENSLAVED PEOPLE IN
AMERICA LEARNED ABOUT THE
SIGNING OF THE EMANCIPATION
PROCLAMATION THAT HAD TAKEN
PLACE TWO AND A HALF YEARS
EARLIER.
THEN, IT ONLY TOOK 156 MORE
YEARS UNTIL THE IDEA FINALLY
REACHED WASHINGTON THAT MAYBE WE
SHOULD CELEBRATE THIS.
IT'S GETTING THE FULL HOLIDAY
TREATMENT.
MY UNDERSTANDING IS --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MY UNDERSTANDING IS THAT THEY'RE
GIVING IT THE FULL HOLIDAY
TREATMENT -- A DAY OFF,
COMMUNITY
GATHERINGS, AND, ONE ASSUMES,
50% ALL TEMPUR-PEDIC CALIFORNIA
KINGS.
( LAUGHTER )
EARLIER TODAY, AT THE SIGNING
CEREMONY IN THE WHITE HOUSE, THE
FIRST BLACK VICE PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES CELEBRATED THE
NEW HOLIDAY.
>> STEPHEN: SO, THROUGHOUT
HISTORY, JUNETEENTH HAS BEEN
KNOWN BY MANY NAMES.
JUBILEE DAY, FREEDOM DAY,
LIBERATION DAY, EMANCIPATION
DAY.
AND TODAY, A NATIONAL HOLIDAY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: JUNE 19th, KNOWN
BY MANY NAMES, ALSO KNOWN AS
MACKELMORE'S BIRTHDAY BUT,
HAVEN'T BLACK AMERICANS SUFFERED
ENOUGH?
( LAUGHTER )
ONE PERSON AT THE CEREMONY WHO
HAS BEEN WORKING TO MAKE THIS
HAPPEN FOR DECADES IS
94-YEAR-OLD CIVIL RIGHTS
ACTIVIST OPAL LEE.
HERE'S HOW MS. LEE REACTED TO
CONGRESS PASSING THE BILL.
>> THE BILL IS PASSED!
>> WOOHOO! OH OH OH OOH!
>> STEPHEN: I'M CALLING IT NOW:
THAT IS THE SONG OF THE SUMMER.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
THE BILL GOT UNANIMOUS SUPPORT
IN THE SENATE, BUT IN THE HOUSE
THERE WERE 14 NO VOTES FROM
REPUBLICAN MEMBERS OF CONGRESS.
( BOOING )
I WONDER IF THOSE REPRESENTATIVES HAVE ANYTHING IN
COMMON.
AH, YES -- IT'S THE SPF 700
CLUB.
THESE CONGRESSMEN HAD A NUMBER
OF OBJECTIONS TO THE BILL,
RANGING FROM STUPID TO DUMB.
LIKE
KENTUCKY REPRESENTATIVE THOMAS
MASSIE, SEEN HERE EXPLAINING
THAT HIS GUN IS THAT SIZE
BECAUSE IT'S COLD OUT.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Jon: IT'S AN ANALOGY,
SEE...
>> Stephen: MASSEY SWEARS HE
SUPPORTS
JUNETEENTH, BUT TAKES ISSUE WITH
THE HOLIDAY'S FULL NAME
JUNETEENTH NATIONAL INDEPENDENCE
DAY.
WHY?
BECAUSE HE SAYS IT WILL CONFLICT
WITH JULY 4TH, AND PUSH
AMERICANS TO PICK ONE OF THOSE
TWO DAYS AS THEIR INDEPENDENCE
DAY BASED ON THEIR RACIAL
IDENTITY.
LET'S BE REAL.
AMERICANS MAY HAVE THEIR
DIFFERENCES, BUT WE HOLD THESE
TRUTH TO BE SELF-EVIDENT: WE
TAKE EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO EAT
AND DRINK TO EXCESS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
FOR PETE'S SAKE, WE'LL DOUBLE
DOWN!
WE'LL DO THEM BOTH!
>> COME ON!
>> Stephen: FOR PETE'S SAKE,
WE MAINLINE MARGARITAS ON CINCO
DE MAYO FOR MEXICAN INDEPENDENCE
DAY, AND WE'RE NOT MEXICAN AND
IT'S NOT EVEN THEIR INDEPENDENCE
DAY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ALSO, I DON'T THINK TWO
INDEPENDENCE DAYS IS GOING TO
CONFUSE A NATION THAT HAS
LEARNED TO KEEP TRACK OF
FOUR HANDSOME CHRIS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ANDs THE DAY WE ALL CELEBRATE
FOUR HAN HANDSOME CHRISES,
CHRISTMAS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THERE WAS ALSO SOME GOOD NEWS
OUT OF THE SUPREME COURT.
TODAY, THE COURT UPHELD
OBAMACARE AGAIN.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ObamaCare LIVES!
LIVES!
>> Jon: YEAH!
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW THAT
MEANS ANNUAL PHYSICALS
FOR EVERYONE.
AMERICA, TURN YOUR HEAD AND
COUGH.
YOU'RE GOOD.
COULDN'T GET IT ON IN TIME.
SOSORRY ABOUT THAT.
THE VOTE WAS A RESOUNDING 7-2
AGAINST A TEXAS LAWSUIT
CHALLENGING THE INDIVIDUAL
MANDATE.
THE COURT DECIDED THAT TEXAS DID
NOT HAVE STANDING TO SUE BECAUSE
NOBODY WAS FORCED TO PAY A
PENALTY FOR NOT GETTING
INSURANCE.
WHY?
BACK IN 2017, THE GOP-CONTROLLED
CONGRESS PASSED A BILL CUTTING CONGRESS PASSED A BILL CUTTI
THE INDIVIDUAL MANDATE PENALTY TO ZERO.
THE REPUBLICANS' PREVIOUS
ATTEMPT TO KILL OBAMACARE KILLED
THIS ATTEMPT TO KILL OBAMACARE
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
>> Jon: THAT'S HOW IT GOES
DOWN SOMETIMES!
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: TURNS OUT THE
G.O.P. IS ITS OWN WORST ENEMY.
ALSO, EVERYONE ELSE'S.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WAY OUT WEST, SUMMER IS HERE
WITH A VENGEANCE.
STATES FROM MONTANA TO
CALIFORNIA ARE EXPERIENCING
ONE OF THE MOST EXTREME HEA
WAVES EVER OBSERVED.
LET'S GO TO THE FORECAST:
>> THANKS, STEVE!
IT'S A REAL SCORCHER.
OVER TO CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPORTS!
>> AHH NETS IN 6 KEVIN DURANT IS
ON FIRE!
>> STEPHEN: IN FACT, MULTIPLE
WEATHER SERVICE OFFICES IN THE
WEST HAVE ISSUED EXCESSIVE-HEAT
WARNINGS FOR DANGEROUSLY HOT
CONDITIONS.
IT'S PARTICULARLY HOT IN THE
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA REGION OF
DOWNTOWN BENNIFER.
HUMID.
IN ARIZONA, TEMPERATURES HAVE
SOARED PAST 115 DEGREES.
ONE PHOENIX RESIDENT TOLD
REPORTERS, I FEEL LIKE I'M IN
HELL.
SO, PHOENIX --
( APPLAUSE )
IT'S LOVELY.
IT'S JUST A JOKE, JON.
>> Jon: I QUESTION IT.
I GET IT.
>> Stephen: I LOVE YOU,
PHOENIX.
ONE OF THE STATES MOST AFFECTED
BY RISING TEMPERATURES IS TEXAS.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY
WHEN ONE TEXAS WOMAN LEFT A JAR
OF DIETARY SUPPLEMENTS IN HER
CAR.
HER DOCTOR SAID SHE WASN'T
GETTING ENOUGH VITAMIN GOO.
THIS HEAT IS ESPECIALLY
DANGEROUS FOR TEXANS BECAUSE OF
THEIR POWER GRID IS FRAGILE.
YOU MIGHT REMEMBER THAT, BACK IN
FEBRUARY, WINTER STORMS LEFT
MORE THAN 4.8M HOMES AND
BUSINESSES WITHOUT ELECTRICITY
FOR DAYS.
SO IT'S GOOD THAT
(SINGING)
THE STARS AT NIGHT
ARE BIG AND BRIGHT
CUZ THERE'S NO LIGHTS IN TEXA
( LAUGHTER )
OF COURSE -- THANK YOU!
WOULDN'T PEE-WEE BE PROUD?
RIGHT ON CUE.
HOW DID THEY KNOW?
>> STEPHEN: OF COURSE, THE POWER
COMPANY COULD NEVER HAVE
ANTICIPATED COLD WEATHER IN
TEXAS.
OR HOT WEATHER IN TEXAS.
( LAUGHTER )
BECAUSE THIS WEEK, THE TEXAS
POWER COMPANY STARTED
BEGGING CUSTOMERS TO TURN OFF
APPLIANCES TO HELP AVERT
BLACKOUTS.
SO, THE ENERGY COMPANY'S ADVICE
IS BUY AN A.C. UNIT, BUT DON'T
TURN IT ON IF IT'S HOT.
AND JUST TO RUB SALT IN THE
WOUND,
THESE WARNINGS ABOUT UNRELIABLE
POWER ARE COMING FROM THE
ELECTRIC RELIABILITY COUNCIL OF
TEXAS.
( LAUGHTER )
KIND OF A MISNOMER.
AT THIS POINT, THAT'S LIKE
THE SOBRIETY COUNCIL OF NEW
ORLEANS.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Jon: HEY!
NOT EVERYBODY!
>> Stephen: NOT EVERYBODY.
NOBODY'S SAYING DON'T PARTY!
NOBODY'S SAYING DON'T PARTY.
>> Jon: NOBODY'S GOT THE
COURAGE.
>> Stephen: STAYING IN TEXAS,
THERE WAS A
BIG ANNOUNCEMENT FROM TEXAS
GOVERNOR AND MAN BREATHING
EASIER THANKS TO ALLEGRA, GREG
ABBOTT.
ABBOTT SAYS HE'S GOING TO
SOLICIT DONATIONS FROM THE
PUBLIC TO FUND THE CONSTRUCTION
OF TEXAS' BORDER WALL.
( BOOING )
NO, NO, NO, HEAR ME OUT!
IT'S ABOUT TIME.
SOMEBODY'S GOTTA KEEP THOSE
TEXANS OUT OF THE U.S..
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
DO FLORIDA NEXT!
WHAT?
OH, NO!
SO BAD.
( APPLAUSE )
I'M BEING TOLD IT'S ACTUALLY FOR
A U.S.-MEXICO BORDER WALL.
OKAY, SO, ONE STATE CAN DO ITS
OWN FOREIGN POLICY?
IT REMINDS ME OF THAT FAMOUS
HEADLINE AFTER PEARL HARBOR:
DELAWARE DECLARES DELA-WAR
( LAUGHTER )
BUT I UNDERSTAND WHY TEXAS IS
DESPERATE.
THEY HAVE TO FIND SOME WAY TO
STOP THEIR SENATORS FROM
FLEEING TO CANCUN.
( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT'S LIKE WE'RE CATCHING UP ON A
LOT OF PUNCH LINES.
TO PRIME THE DONATION PUMP,
YESTERDAY ABBOTT ANNOUNCED THE
STATE WAS KICKING IN $250
MILLION.
WHAT A WISE USE OF TAXPAYER
MONEY.
YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO WASTE IT ON
SOMETHING STUPID, LIKE SHORING
UP THEIR COTTON CANDY POWER
GRID.
( LAUGHTER )
ABBOTT WAS CLEAR ON WANTING
MONEY AND WANTING WALL, BUT THE
OTHER DETAILS WERE PRETTY FUZZY.
AS ONE REPORTER PUT IT,
HE SAYS TEXANS CAN DONATE THEIR
PRIVATE LAND AND MONEY TO THE
PROJECT.
BUT HE CAN'T SAY WHAT THE
PROJECT WILL LOOK LIKE, HOW MANY
MILES WILL BE BUILT OR WHERE IT
WILL BE BUILT.
SO IT'S LESS OF A BORDER POLICY
AND MORE OF AN IMPROV SHOW.
( APPLAUSE )
OKAY!
I NEED THE SUGGESTION OF A PLACE
TO BUILD A BORDER WALL, HOW LONG
IT SHOULD BE, AND A MINORITY TO
VILLAINIZE.
OKAY, I HEARD SURFACE OF THE
MOON, 100,000 MILES, AND SPACE
HONDURANS.
BASED ON THOSE SUGGESTIONS, WE
TAKE YOU TO THIS PROCTOLOGIST'S
OFFICE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HELLO, DOCTOR!
IT'S A SNAKE!
SPEAKING OF FOREIGN COUNTRIES,
EUROPE.
( LAUGHTER )
THIS SUMMER, EUROPE IS IN THE
MIDST OF THE EUROPEAN SOCCER
TOURNAMENT.
AN EVENT THAT HAPPENS ONLY, I'M
GOING TO SAY, EVERY SNGLE DAY?
( LAUGHTER )
ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT IT.
THE EVENT IS CALLED
EURO 2020.
BUT IT'S TAKING PLACE IN 2021
BECAUSE OF COVID, AND BECAUSE
2021 IS 2020 IN CELSIUS, I
THINK.
( LAUGHTER )
AND THERE'S ALREADY BEEN UNE
SCANDALE GRANDE INVOLVING
PORTUGUESE SUPERSTAR AND SEX
DOLL OF CRISTIANO RONALDO.
CRISTIANO RONALDO.
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.
COCA COLA IS A MAJOR SPONSOR OF
THE TOURNAMENT, BUT DURING A
PRESS BRIEFING, RONALDO DID
THIS:
> AGUA
>> STEPHEN: RONALDO, YOU KNOW
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT.
YOU HAVE TO MOVE THE COKE
BOTTLES WITH YOUR FEET.
( LAUGHTER )
RED CARD.
( APPLAUSE )
GIVE ME THAT BACK.
I USE THAT TO CHECK OUT
BOOKS AT THE VATICAN LIBRARY.
( LAUGHTER )
AFTER MOVING THE BOTTLES,
RONALDO SAYS "AGUA," WHICH I
BELIEVE IS PORTUGESE FOR WE
DON'T HAVE COKE, IS PEPSI OKAY?
( LAUGHTER )
RONALDO IS NOT ALONE.
FRENCH STAR PAUL POGBA DID THIS
TO A BOTTLE OF HEINEKEN ZERO
POINT ZERO.
>> STEPHEN: POGBA, YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ONE OF YOUR MAJOR SPONSORS LIKE HEINEKEN ZERO
POINT ZERO, WHICH IS NAMED FOR
THE NUMBER OF GOALS IN AN
AVERAGE SOCCER GAME.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS!
>> Stephen: I WILL SAY THIS,
THOUGH -- SPITTING
IN THE FACE OF A SPONSOR LIKE
THAT TAKES COURAGE AND
INTEGRITY.
AND WHEN I NEED INTEGRITY, I
REACH FOR AN ICE COLD COCA COLA.
( APPLAUSE )
WHICH I ENJOY WITH A LITTLE
HEINEKEN ZERO POINT ZERO.
>> Jon: MM-MMM, MM-MMM.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
PRINCIPLES.
MM-MMM!
( LAUGHTER )
(GAGGING)
AGUA.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS NATHAN LANE, BUT
WHEN WE COME BACK, MEANWHILE
STICK AROUND.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪
MBZ.
♪
♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK!
GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND
"STAY HUMAN"!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: YES!
>> Stephen: HOW'S EVERYBODY?
HOW'S EVERYBODY?
I SEE YOU GUYS EVERY DAY.
WE DON'T GET TO TALK MUCH.
HOW'S EVERYBODY IN THE BAND
FEELING ABOUT THE FIRST WEEK
BACK?
>> GREAT.
>> Stephen: IT'S LIKE LIFE
ITSELF, ISN'T IT?
>> IT REALLY IS.
>> Stephen: COULDN'T DO
WITHOUT YOU GUYS.
YOU'RE THE ONLY REASON WHY WE'RE
HERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: PEOPLE REALLY MAKE IT
HAPPEN.
>> Stephen: SO SHOULD PROBABLY
KEEP DOING IT.
>> Jon: YEAH, THAT'S IT.
LET'S GET IT
>> STEPHEN: Y'KNOW, I SPEND A
LOT OF TIME HARVESTING THE DAY'S
MOST TOPICAL MATCHA POWDER,
CAREFULLY POLISHING THE NEWSIEST
CHAWAN TEA BOWL WITH A HEMP
CLOTH, THEN ADDING THE PUREST
BOILED WATER COLLECTED FROM THE
RIVER OF STORIES, TO STAGE THE
ELEGANT JAPANESE TEA CEREMONY
THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, I CONVINCE A
TRUCK DRIVER TO GIVE ME A RIDE
IN EXCHANGE FOR AN UNREGISTERED
GUN AND A HALF-EATEN CAN OF
BEANS, HITCHHIKE TO THE SONORA
DESERT WITH NOTHING BUT AN OLD
POT THAT I FILL WITH THE
NEWSPAPER I'VE BEEN USING FOR A
BLANKET, AND THE SALVAGED
TOBACCO FROM SIDEWALK CIGARETTE
BUTT, TO BREW FOR YOU, THE
NIGHTMARE HALLUCINATION-INDUCING
FERMENTED AYAHUASCA SLURRY OF
NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
(ECHOING)
>> MEANWHILE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: MEAN WHILE, AGING
IS LIKE A FINE WINE, OR A RIPE
CHEESE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: MEANWHILE, RAPPER
POST MALONE HAS UNVEILED A NEW
SMILE, COMPLETE WITH DIAMOND
FANGS.
SOUNDS COOL, BUT HE'S GOTTA
REMEMBER TO GET HIS ANNUAL
CLEANING AT ZALES.
( LAUGHTER )
THE NEW CHOMPERS CAME WITH A
PRICE TAG OF $1.6 MILLION.
AND IF YOU'RE SHOCKED BY THAT,
LEMME ASK: WAS IT THE 'OVER' EYE
TATTOOS, OR THE 'UNDER' EYE
TATTOOS THAT CONVINCED YOU THIS
IS A MAN WHO MAKES RESPONSIBLE
CHOICES?
( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, VIDEO IS GOING VIRAL
OF THIS GLIDER PILOT WHO TOOK A
SELFIE WHILE FLYING AROUND A
TORNADO.
A GREAT LESSON FOR ALL YOU
ASPIRING PILOTS: IF YOU SEE A
SWIRLING FUNNEL OF DEATH, BE
SURE TO GET AS CLOSE AS POSSIBLE
FOR A SELFIE WHILE FLYING
ONE-HANDED IN YOUR TINY, WINGED
COFFIN.
( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT'S KIND OF COOL.
KIND OF COOL.
MEANWHILE, SOME TROUBLE IN
FRANCE WHERE IKEA HAS BEEN FINED
1.1 MILLION EUROS FOR SPYING ON
ITS STAFF.
THE STAFF REALIZED THE COMPANY
WAS SPYING ON THEM WHEN THE
STORES HAD THEM ASSEMBLING ITS
NEWEST PRODUCT: THE
PEEPERSLOOKEN.
( LAUGHTER )
EVERYBODY LOVES THAT.
MEANWHILE, SALMA HAYEK'S OWL
COUGHED A RAT HAIRBALL ON HARRY
STYLES.
OWL WELL, WE ALL SAW 'THAT'
COMING.
MEANWHILE, THE WORLD'S FIRST
WOODEN SATELLITE WILL LAUNCH
THIS YEAR.
IT WILL BE THE FIRST SATELLITE
TO BURN UP ON EXIT.
( LAUGHTER )
THEY'RE LAUNCHING IT IN ORDER TO
TEST THE DURABILITY OF PLYWOOD
PANELS IN THE EXTREME CONDITIONS
OF SPACE.
AS THE ONE-TIME OWNER OF SEVERAL
IKEA ITEMS, I CAN TELL YOU THAT
PLYWOOD PANELS CAN'T EVEN HANDLE
THE EXTREME CONDITIONS OF
APARTMENT.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, SCARY NEWS FOR
PELOTON USERS: A NEW CYBER
SECURITY THREAT ANALYSIS FOUND
THAT SOME PELOTON MACHINES HAVE
A DANGEROUS FLAW THAT COULD
ENABLE HACKERS TO INVISIBLY AND
REMOTELY GAIN CONTROL OF BIKES.
THIS COULD BE BAD.
(AS PELOTON INSTRUCTOR)
ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS LET'S TAKE
THE RESISTANCE UP TO 35.
AND, JUST FOR KICKS, EVERYONE
SHOUT THEIR SOCIAL SECURITY
NUMBER.
MARLENE P, YOU'RE LAGGING,
BETTER GIVE ME YOUR ACCOUNT AND
ROUTING NUMBERS TOO.
WOOHOOO!
DO IT FOR YOU!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I LOVE IT!
CRANK IT UP!
THE BIGGEST CONCERN WITH THIS
HACK IS THAT CRIMINALS COULD SPY
ON USERS THROUGH THE BIKE'S
CAMERA AND MICROPHONE.
WELL, I'VE DEVELOPED A
FOOL-PROOF PLAN TO STOP THIS
FROM HAPPENING TO ME: USING MY
PELOTON ONLY TO HANG MY PANTS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, TO MARK 4OO YEARS
SINCE THE ORIGINAL CROSSING
A ROBOTIC SHIP HAS SET OFF TO
RETRACE THE MAYFLOWER'S JOURNEY.
SAID NATIVE AMERICANS: OH, GOOD.
WE'RE DOING THIS AGAIN, BUT WITH
WIFI.
( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, OLYMPIC TRIALS ARE
TAKING PLACE RIGHT NOW FOR THE
US NATIONAL SWIM TEAM, AND
SWIMMER SIERRA SCHMIDT HAS GONE
VIRAL FOR HER SUPER
ENTHUSIASTIC AND ELABORATE
PRERACE WARMUP ROUTINE TO
WHATEVER IS IN HER HEADPHONES.
GO GIRL!
WARM UP LIKE NOBODY'S WATCHING!
( LAUGHTER )
WARMUPS GENERALLY INVOLVE THE
SAME MOVEMENTS THE SPORT USES.
SO I REALLY HOPE THAT'S NOT HOW
SHE ACTUALLY SWIMS.
( LAUGHTER )
(AS SPORTS COMMENTATOR)
WELL, CHIP, SHE MAY HAVE COME IN
LAST BUT YOU GOTTA ADMIT, THAT
WAS THE JAZZIEST DROWNING IN
OLYMPIC HISTORY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT.
MEANWHILE, THERE'S A NEW
VIRAL TIKTOK HACK THAT HELPS YOU
EVENLY BUTTER YOUR MOVIE THEATER
POPCORN USING A STRAW.
I'VE GOT AN EVEN BETTER HACK: IF
YOU HAVE MELTED BUTTER AND A
STRAW --
(WHISPERS)
YOU DON'T NEED THE POPCORN.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH NATHAN
LANE.
(
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ABSOLUTELY LOVELY!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST
TONIGHT --
( CHANTING )
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A THREE-TIME
TONY AWARD WINNER AND A LIVING
LEGEND OF BROADWAY.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE
SHOW, NATHAN LANE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> PLEASE, D -- DON'T -- STOP! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: MAESTRO, IT'S
LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> IT'S LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
I HAVE TO SIT DOWN SLOWLY.
I HAVE A LITTLE PANDEMIC WEIGHT.
OR I HAD TO STOP SAYING THAT.
NOW I JUST TELL PEOPLE I'M DOING
THE CHRIS CHRISTIE STORY FOR
LIFETIME.
AND THEY'RE ALL VERY IMPRESSED.
LOOK, LET'S JUST TALK YOU AND
ME.
>> Stephen: SURE.
I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU FOR
HAVING ME ON YOUR FIRST WEEK
BACK.
IT'S A GREAT HONOR.
>> Stephen: IT'S AN HONOR FOR
US TO HAVE ONE OF THE JEWELS IN
THE CROWN OF BROADWAY ON.
>> I WAS SO TOUCHED THAT YOU
ASKED PERSONALLY.
I DON'T KNOW IF GEORGE CLOONEY
FELL OUT OR WHATEVER HAPPENED,
BUT I'M HERE AND I'M SO
DELIGHTED.
AND IT'S SO NICE TO HAVE YOU
BACK WHERE YOU BELONG.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: OH, THANK YOU.
AND OUT OF THE -- OUT OF THAT
SAD LITTLE PANELED REC ROOM,
THAT GRIZZLY ADAMS SUBLET, IT
LOOKED LIKE THE UNABOMBER'S COZY
GETAWAY.
( LAUGHTER )
BUT YOU -- YOU KNOW, THE HIGH
LIGHT OF THAT, YOU, OF COURSE,
WAS KEEPING THE COMEDY LIGHT IN
THE WINDOW FOR ALL OF US AS
DEMOCRACY GOES DOWN THE DRAIN.
BUT THE HIGH LIGHT, REALLY, WAS
YOUR BEAUTIFUL, LOVELY, ADORABLE
WIFE EVIE.
>> Stephen: I COMPLETELY
AGREE.
I COMPLETELY AGREE.
WHAT A DEAR.
>> TRAPPED IN THAT LITTLE ROOM,
IT WAS LIKE A HEART WARMING
HOSTAGE VIDEO WHERE YOU KEPT
TALKING AND TALKING AND YOU
COULD HEAR HER LAUGHING IN THE
BACKGROUND.
AND I SAID, THAT IS TRUE LOVE.
THAT IS TRUE LOVE, AND IT
REMINDS ME OF PEOPLE LIKE US
NEED THE PERSON WHO GETS THE
JOKE.
>> Stephen: SURE.
I WAS REMINDED TO HAVE THE
GREAT ANNE BANCROFT WHO SAID THE
BEST THING ABOUT MEL BROOKS
WHICH WAS, YOU KNOW WE'RE LIKE
ANY OTHER COUPLE, WE'VE HAD OUR
UPS AND DOWNS, BUT EVERY TIME I
HEAR THE KEY IN THE DOOR, I KNOW
THE PARTY'S ABOUT TO START.
A LESSON FOR US ALL.
( APPLAUSE )
LET ME CONGRATULATE THE GREAT
JON BATISTE ON HIS OSCAR!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: YES!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
>> ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES OF
LAST YEAR, I WAS A LITTLE
WRRIED FOR "SOUL" BECAUSE I
THOUGHT IT WAS PERHAPS A TAD MET
PHYSICALLY FOR THE PIXAR HEAVY
PRE-SCHOOL CROWD.
BUT I THOUGHT, NO, THE TODDLERS
SHOULD LEARN EARLY THAT LIFE IS
FRAGILE AND COULD ALL BE OVER IN
A PARTY BEAT!
( LAUGHTER )
BELIEVE ME, I KNOW FROM
EXPERIENCE BECAUSE I MYSELF WAS
DECLARED LEGALLY DEAD FOR A YEAR
WHILE DOING THE ADDAMS FAMILY
MUSICAL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK IN THE ED
SULLIVAN THEATER.
>> Stephen: ISN'T IT THOUGH!
JEWEL IN THE CROWN OF BROADWAY,
WHAT'S IT FEEL LIKE TO BE ON A
BROADWAY STAGE FOR THE FIRST
TIME IN FOREVER, 400 PEOPLE HERE
IN THIS BEAUTIFUL THEATER?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT,
THE HUMAN CONNECTION.
IT'S A THRILL TO BE BACK.
I FEEL LIKE THE MIGHTY AND HORNY
CICADA WHO HAS EMERGED FROM
QUARANTINE AND I'M JUST LOOKING
FOR A GOOD TIME!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> BUT I STILL GET NERVOUS.
I STILL GET THE BUTTERFLIES.
YOU KNOW THE OLD ADAGE OF IF
YOU'RE AFRAID TO GO IN FRONT OF
A LARGE GROUP OF PEOPLE JUST
IMAGINE THEM ALL NAKED?
>> Stephen: YES.
( CHEERING )
>> THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO DO.
THEN I LIKE TO IMAGINE THEM ALL
TAKING A LONG, HOT, STEAMY
SHOWER AND TRYING TO CLEAN THOSE
HARD TO REACH PLACES.
( LAUGHTER )
SLOWLY TOWELING OFF, BLOW DRYING
THEIR HAIR AND GETTING BACK INTO
THEIR TIGHT-FITTING CLOTHING.
THEN I IMAGINE THEM PICKING UP
THE CASH ON THE DRESSER THAT I
LEFT FOR THEM.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
>> THAT'S HOW I DO IT.
YOU KNOW, LOOK, THIS IS AN
AUDIENCE LIKE THIS, IT'S MADE ME
FORGET THE PANDEMIC.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: ISN'T IT
INTERESTING HOW QUICKLY YOU CAN
TOTALLY --
>> NO, THANK GOD THE WORST IS
OVER AND FINALLY BEING A SHUT-IN
WITH A MOOD DISORDER MEANS
SOMETHING AGAIN.
NOW I CAN BE DEAD INSIDE
OUTSIDE, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
SAYING?
>> Stephen: I DO KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING!
>> Stephen: NOW, OKAY, AND
THIS ISN'T ANY OLD BROADWAY
HOUSE, THIS IS THE ED SULLIVAN
THEATER.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: ORIGINALLY
HAMMERSTEIN BACK IN 1927.
DO YOU HAVE ANY CONNECTION WITH
THIS THEATER, MEMORIES OF THIS
PLACE?
>> CERTAINLY.
WELL, AS A DID I GREW UP
WATCHING THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW.
DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER ED
SULLIVAN?
( APPLAUSE )
BECAUSE ED WAS A UNIQUE
PERSONALITY, AND I USE THE WORD
PERSONALITY LOOSELY.
HE WAS SORT OF FAMOUS FOR BEING
PHYSICALLY AWKWARD.
HE HAD TROUBLE PRONOUNCING
WORDS, ESPECIALLY PEOPLE'S
NAMES, AND HE HAD, REALLY, THE
PERSONALITY OF THIS DISK, BUT HE
ORGANIZED A GREAT SHOW FROM
PLATE SPINNERS, TO OPERA SINGERS
TO BROADWAY AND CIRCUS ACTS.
IT WAS AN AMAZING SHOW.
COMING BACK I WAS REMINDED OF A
RATHER DRAMATIC THING THAT
HAPPENED HERE.
THERE WAS AN ANIMAL TRAINER
NAMED CLYDE WALL STREETY, THE
PRECURSOR TO SIEGFRIED AND ROY.
HE WORKED WITH RINGLING BROTHERS
AND HAD A BIG LION AND TIGER
ACT.
THEY BROUGHT HIM IN HERE AND HE
THOUGHT THE STAGE WAS TOO SMALL
TO DO THE ACT SAFELY.
ED AND THE PRODUCERS TAUGHT HIM
INTO DOING IT.
IF YOU'VE EVER SEEN THE FOOTAGE,
IT LOOKS A LITTLE CRAMPED IN THE
CAGE WITH HIM AND THE LIONS AND
THE TIGERS.
JUST AS HE FEARED, HE LOSES
CONTROL OF THE CATS.
HE'S HOLDING A WHIP AND A STOOL
AND A STARTER'S PISTOL TO SCARE
THEM -- FRANKLY, THAT'S HOW THEY
USED TO HANDLE FAYE DUNAWAY IN
THE '80s.
( LAUGHTER )
SO HE'S CRACKING THE WHIP AND
PUSHING THEM AWAY WITH THE STOOL
AND SUDDENLY THERE'S AN AWKWARD
CAMERA MOVE TO ED.
HE'S IN THE AUDIENCE SAYING,
NOW, LET'S SEE WHO'S IN OUR
AUDIENCE TONIGHT.
( LAUGHTER )
WHY, LOOK, IT'S CAROL CHANNING!
HELLO, ED!
SO YOUNG CAROL CHANNING STANDS
UP.
MEANWHILE, IN THE BACKGROUND YOU
HEAR, BACK, SIMBA!
DOWN, BOY, HEEL, HEEL!
ED SAYS, I HEAR YOU'RE DOING
GUYS PREFER BLONDES.
>> OPEN THE DOOR!
MAYBE YOU FAVOR --
GET ME SOME RAW MEAT, A REAL
GUN!
HELP!
( LAUGHTER )
♪ DIAMONDS ARE A GIRL'S BEST
FRIEND ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
BREAK.
BUT PLEASE DON'T GO AWAY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF
THE ONE, THE ONLY NATHAN LANE.
( CHEERS A
♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WE'RE HERE WITH NATHAN LANE.
BROADWAY IS OPENING UP SEPTEMBEO
EXCITING.
>> SO EXCITING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT IN A
SHOW RIGHT NOW, BUT ARE YOU
EXCITED FOR IT TO COME BACK?
>> WELL, I HAVE A LITTLE
ANNOUNCEMENT BECAUSE I'M
INVOLVED WITH A SHOW THAT'S
STARTING NEXT WEEK, ACTUALLY.
NOW, I'M NOT STARRING IN IT.
IT'S A VERY SPECIAL THING.
I AM THE STANDBY FOR SPRINGSTEEN
ON BROADWAY.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: UNDERSTANDING, THE
BOSS.
>> I AM JUST ONE BAD SEAFOOD
DINNER AWAY FROM BECOMING THE
BOSS!
( LAUGHTER )
THEY FIRST ASKED ME, I THOUGHT
THIS IS CRAZY, YOU KNOW, BUT
THEN I THOUGHT SO MANY PEOPLE
SAY, YOU AND BRUCE, IT'S LIKE
YOU WERE SEPARATED AT BIRTH!
( LAUGHTER )
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE BOTH JERSEY
BOYS, YOU BOTH GREW UP -- YOU
KNOW, YOU SPENT YOUR LIVES ON
THE STAGE, YOU BOTH HAVE THAT
EVERY MAN QUALITY.
MEN WANT YOU, MEN WANT TO BE
YOU.
AND I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, WHY
NOT?
AND THEN, YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN
GETTING SECOND THOUGHTS BECAUSE,
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ARE SPENDING A
LOT OF MONEY TO SEE BRUCE!
BRUCE!
RIGHT?
BUT THEN I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW
WHAT, I GET THAT, BUT I HAVE
BEEN REHEARSING A LOT, AND I'M
PUTTING MY OWN SPECIALSAURUS ON
THESE DIDDIES, AND I THINK --
>> Stephen: YOUR SPECIAL SAUCE
ON THESE DIDDIES?
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
( LAUGHTER )
I THINK PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE
REALLY IMPRESSED.
I HAVE BEEN DRINKING A LOT OF
WHISKEY AND SMOKING LINE A
FIEND, I'M STARTING TO SOUND
LIKE HIM.
THE HARDEST PART IS SQUEEZING
INTO THE VESTS.
HE'S A 71-YEAR-OLD MAN WHO
DRESSES LIKE A NEWSY.
SO IF HE LOOKS QUEASY, I'LL GIVE
YOU A HEADS UP AND YOU COME ON
OVER AND --
>> Stephen: FANTASTIC.
FANTASTIC.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LET US PUT
OUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR THE ONE,
THE ONLY MR. NATHAN LANE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪♪
>> Stephen: AND NOW, PERFORMING "BLACK HOLE" FROM HER MIXTAPE, "ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF
THE OTHER," GRIFF.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (POP/WITH SYNTHPOP BEAT)
♪ NOW AND THEN YOUR NAME COMES UP IN ♪ CONVERSATION
WITH MY FRIENDS
I HATE HOW MUCH I FEEL IT RIGHT
♪ THERE IN MY CHEST
I HATE HOW MUCH I FEEL IT, YEAH
♪ LIKE, HOW ARE YOU?
IT SEEMS LIKE THINGS ARE GOING
♪ REALLY WELL FOR YOU
I WISH THAT I COULD SAY THE SAME
♪ ABOUT ME TOO
I WISH THAT I COULD SAY THE SAME
♪ AND BOY, YOU KNOW
I'VE TRIED
♪ TO PRAY
I'VE BRUISED MY KNEES
♪ I'VE TRIED
TO BRING YOU BACK TO ME
♪ I'VE TRIED
MY BEST TO FIND
♪ SOME KIND OF PEACE
DON'T YOU SEE?
♪ THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE
WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
♪ AND I TRIED MY BEST
TO FILL IT UP WITH THINGS
♪ I DON'T NEED
IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,
♪ NO, IT'S NOT EASY
TO FILL THIS GAP
♪ THAT YOU LEFT IN ME
THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE
♪ WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
AND I WISH THAT YOU WOULD
♪ REALIZE I'M ALL THAT YOU NEED
IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,
♪ NO, IT'S NOT EASY
TO FILL THIS GAP
♪ THAT YOU LEFT IN ME
WITHOUT A TRACE
♪ YOU DISAPPEARED
AND TOOK SOME OF ME
♪ WITH YOU, BABE
LIKE THE WAY I USED TO LAUGH
♪ UNTIL MY BELLY ACHE
WELL,
♪ THAT'S ALL GONE AWAY NOW, YEAH
♪ AND BOY, YOU KNOW
I'VE TRIED TO PRAY
♪ I'VE BRUISED MY KNEES
I'VE TRIED
♪ TO BRING YOU BACK
TO ME
♪ I'VE TRIED
MY BEST TO FIND
♪ SOME KIND OF PEACE
DON'T YOU SEE?
♪ THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE
WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
♪ AND I TRIED MY BEST TO FILL IT
UP WITH THINGS I DON'T NEED
♪ IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,
NO, IT'S NOT EASY
♪ TO FILL THIS GAP
THAT YOU LEFT IN ME
♪ THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE
WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
♪ AND I WISH THAT YOU WOULD
REALIZE I'M ALL THAT YOU NEED
♪ IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,
NO, IT'S NOT EASY
♪ TO FILL THIS GAP
THAT YOU LEFT IN ME
♪ (THAT YOU LEFT IN ME)
♪ OH, OH, OH, OH
(THERE'S SUCH A BIG BLACK HOLE)
♪ OH, OH, OH, OH
OH, OH, OH, OH
♪ (THAT YOU LEFT IN ME)
OH, OH, OH, OH
♪ THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE
WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
♪ AND I TRIED MY BEST TO FILL IT
UP WITH THINGS I DON'T NEED
♪ IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,
NO, IT'S NOT EASY
♪ TO FILL THIS GAP
THAT YOU LEFT IN ME
♪ (OH, THAT YOU LEFT IN ME)
THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE
♪ WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
(OH, YEAH, YOU LEFT IN ME)
♪ AND I WISH THAT YOU WOULD
REALIZE I'M ALL THAT YOU NEED
♪ (NO)
IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,
♪ NO, IT'S NOT EASY
(OH NO, IT'S NOT EASY)
♪ TO FILL THIS GAP
THAT YOU LEFT IN ME
♪ (THAT YOU LEFT IN ME)
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: GRIFF, EVERYBODY
♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
CHECK YOUR WATCH, YOU WILL SEE
THAT'S ALMOST IT FOR "THE LATE
SHOW."
I WANT TO THANK NATHAN LANE AND
GRIFF.
BEFORE WE GO, YOU
MAY REMEMBER A FEW MONTHS AGO
WHEN WE PUT OUT THIS L.S.S.C.
COVID TOUR T-SHIRT AND OTHER
MERCH LISTING THE VARIOUS PLACES
WE DID OUR SHOW DURING
QUARANTINE.
BECAUSE WHAT IS MORE ROCK AND
ROLL THAN FOLLOWING PROPER
PUBLIC HEALTH AND SAFETY
PROTOCOLS?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND WHILE WE WERE ABLE TO KEEP
WORKING DURING QUARANTINE, NOT
EVERY BUSINESS WAS SO LUCKY.
WHICH IS WHY 100% OF THE LATE
SHOW'S PROCEEDS GOES TO
OPPORTUNITY FUND'S SMALL
BUSINESS RELIEF FUND.
THAT MONEY DIRECTLY HELPS SMALL
BUSINESSES AFFECTED BY THE
PANDEMIC.
AND AS OF TODAY, WE HAVE RAISED
$271,849 TO HELP SMALL
BUSINESSES.
WOO!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
BUT HERE'S THE PROBLEM --
OUT TOUR DATES ON OUR T-SHIRTS
WERE INCOMPLETE, BECAUSE NOW
WE'RE IN THE ED SULLIVAN
THEATER, SO WE'VE UPDATED THEM
TO SHOW THAT WE'RE BACK N'
VAXXED.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
TO PICK YOUR NEW AND IMPROVED
T-SHIRT, OR ANY OF OUR OTHER
GREAT MERCH, AND HELP SMALL
BUSINESSES WHILE YOU DO IT, GO
TO COLBERTLATESHOW.COM/COVIDTOUR
THESE NEW SHIRTS ARE PERFECT FOR
ANYBODY WITH A TORSO, AND THE
EXTRA-LARGE, EVEN MORESO.
STICK AROUND FOR JAMES CORDEN'S
T-SHIRT'S SHOW, GOODNIGHT
♪
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