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<font color="#ffff00"> Captioning sponsored by CBS</font>
>> IT GOES TO SHOW THE WAYS IN

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>> IT GOES TO SHOW THE WAYS IN
WHICH U.S. POLITICS ARE STEEPED

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WHICH U.S. POLITICS ARE STEEPED
INTO LIFE ABROAD.

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INTO LIFE ABROAD.
WITH NOOR BIN LADEN, THE NIECE

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WITH NOOR BIN LADEN, THE NIECE
OF OSAMA BIN LADEN, OUTSIDE THE

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OF OSAMA BIN LADEN, OUTSIDE THE
SUMMIT IN GENEVA FLYING A "TRUMP

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SUMMIT IN GENEVA FLYING A "TRUMP
WON" FLAG FROM A BOAT.

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WON" FLAG FROM A BOAT.
>> HI.

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>> HI.
I'M CHIP MANSON.

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I'M CHIP MANSON.
NOW, THE MANSON FAMILY MIGHT

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NOW, THE MANSON FAMILY MIGHT
HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF A CHECKERED

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HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF A CHECKERED
PAST, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE

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PAST, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE
DON'T KNOW INJUSTICE WHEN WE SEE

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DON'T KNOW INJUSTICE WHEN WE SEE
IT.

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IT.
THE DOMINION VOTING MACHINES

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THE DOMINION VOTING MACHINES
DELIBERATELY MISCOUNTED BALLOTS

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DELIBERATELY MISCOUNTED BALLOTS
IN AN EFFORT TO STEAL POWER.

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IN AN EFFORT TO STEAL POWER.
I'D STAKE MY NAME ON IT --

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I'D STAKE MY NAME ON IT --
WHICH, IN CASE YOU FORGOT, IS

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WHICH, IN CASE YOU FORGOT, IS
CHIP MANSON.

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CHIP MANSON.
MANSON FOR SHORT.

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MANSON FOR SHORT.
SOME GOOD FOLKS HAVE ASKED ME TO

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SOME GOOD FOLKS HAVE ASKED ME TO
DISTANCE MYSELF FROM THE "STOP

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DISTANCE MYSELF FROM THE "STOP
THE STEAL" MOVEMENT DUE TO THE

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THE STEAL" MOVEMENT DUE TO THE
BAD OPTICS OR AT LEAST CHANGE MY

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BAD OPTICS OR AT LEAST CHANGE MY
NAME.

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NAME.
BUT I LIKE MY NAME -- CHIP!

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BUT I LIKE MY NAME -- CHIP!
IT'S FUN, IT'S CARE FREE, PLUS

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IT'S FUN, IT'S CARE FREE, PLUS
IT GOES GREAT WITH MY LAST

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IT GOES GREAT WITH MY LAST
NAME -- MANSON.

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NAME -- MANSON.
CHIP MANSON.

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CHIP MANSON.
SO THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE SAYS

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SO THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE SAYS
INCITING VIOLENCE TO MAINTAIN

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INCITING VIOLENCE TO MAINTAIN
POWER IS A BAD THING, JUST TELL

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POWER IS A BAD THING, JUST TELL
THEM MANSON SAYS DIFFERENTLY.

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THEM MANSON SAYS DIFFERENTLY.
AND, PLEASE, DON'T JUDGE THIS

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AND, PLEASE, DON'T JUDGE THIS
MOVEMENT BECAUSE MY UNCLE IS

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MOVEMENT BECAUSE MY UNCLE IS
CHARLES MANSON.

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CHARLES MANSON.
I'M ALSO COUSINS WITH MARILYN

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I'M ALSO COUSINS WITH MARILYN
MANSON.

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>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!

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SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!
TONIGHT, THE EMANCIPATION

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TONIGHT, THE EMANCIPATION
CELEBRATION!

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CELEBRATION!
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES NATHAN

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PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES NATHAN
LANE AND MUSICAL GUEST GRIFF,

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LANE AND MUSICAL GUEST GRIFF,
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY

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FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY
HUMAN."

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HUMAN."
LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED

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LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED
SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK

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SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!

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CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

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>> Stephen: HELLO, JON!
I LIKE THIS, I LIKE THAT!

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I LIKE THIS, I LIKE THAT!
>> Jon: OH, YEAH!

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>> Jon: OH, YEAH!
>> Stephen: PLEASE HAVE A

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>> Stephen: PLEASE HAVE A
SEAT, EVERYBODY.

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SEAT, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME ONE AND ALL, IN HERE,

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WELCOME ONE AND ALL, IN HERE,
OUT THERE, UPSTAIRS IN THE

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OUT THERE, UPSTAIRS IN THE
BALCONY, I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN

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BALCONY, I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN
COLBERT

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COLBERT
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

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( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THE FEELING IS MUTUAL A WALL.

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THE FEELING IS MUTUAL A WALL.
IT IS GREAT TO BE HERE WITH YOU

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IT IS GREAT TO BE HERE WITH YOU
ALL ON OUR FIRST THURSDAY BACK

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ALL ON OUR FIRST THURSDAY BACK
HERE IN THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER.

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HERE IN THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

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( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NOTHING -- NOTHING LIKE A

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NOTHING -- NOTHING LIKE A
THURSDAY.

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THURSDAY.
>> Jon: NOTHING LIKE A

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>> Jon: NOTHING LIKE A
THURSDAY.

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THURSDAY.
>> Stephen: AFTER 15 MONTHS

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>> Stephen: AFTER 15 MONTHS
AWAY, ONE OF THE STRANGEST

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AWAY, ONE OF THE STRANGEST
THINGS -- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU

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THINGS -- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU
FEEL THIS WAY, JON -- ONE TO

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FEEL THIS WAY, JON -- ONE TO
HAVE THE STRANGEST THINGS IS HOW

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HAVE THE STRANGEST THINGS IS HOW
QUICKLY THIS FEELS NORMAL.

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QUICKLY THIS FEELS NORMAL.
>> Jon: YES.

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>> Jon: YES.
>> Stephen: AND I FOR ONE

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>> Stephen: AND I FOR ONE
NEVER WANT TO FORGET WHAT A

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NEVER WANT TO FORGET WHAT A
PRIVILEGE IT IS TO BE WITH YOU

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PRIVILEGE IT IS TO BE WITH YOU
ALL HERE TONIGHT.

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ALL HERE TONIGHT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

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( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT ALL GOT TAKEN AWAY.

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IT ALL GOT TAKEN AWAY.
>> Jon:ETH ALL GOT TAKEN AWAY.

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>> Jon:ETH ALL GOT TAKEN AWAY.
>> Stephen: HE GIVETH AND

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>> Stephen: HE GIVETH AND
TAKETH AWAY.

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TAKETH AWAY.
I AM THE JOB OF LATE NIGHT.

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I AM THE JOB OF LATE NIGHT.
I AM ESPECIALLY THRILLED TO BE

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I AM ESPECIALLY THRILLED TO BE
HERE WITH YOU

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HERE WITH YOU
SIGNED A BILL MAKING JUNETEENTH

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SIGNED A BILL MAKING JUNETEENTH
A NATIONAL HOLIDAY!

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A NATIONAL HOLIDAY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

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( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: I LIKE THAT!

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>> Jon: I LIKE THAT!
>> Stephen: INCREDIBLE NEWS!

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>> Stephen: INCREDIBLE NEWS!
THAT'S A GOOD ONE RIGHT THERE!

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THAT'S A GOOD ONE RIGHT THERE!
>> Jon: YES!

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>> Jon: YES!
>> Stephen: AMAZING!

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>> Stephen: AMAZING!
AND NOT ONLY -- AND LONG

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AND NOT ONLY -- AND LONG
OVERDUE.

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OVERDUE.
JUNETEENTH COMMEMORATES

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JUNETEENTH COMMEMORATES
JUNE 19th, 1865, THE DAY THE

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JUNE 19th, 1865, THE DAY THE
LAST GROUP OF ENSLAVED PEOPLE IN

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LAST GROUP OF ENSLAVED PEOPLE IN
AMERICA LEARNED ABOUT THE

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AMERICA LEARNED ABOUT THE
SIGNING OF THE EMANCIPATION

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SIGNING OF THE EMANCIPATION
PROCLAMATION THAT HAD TAKEN

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PROCLAMATION THAT HAD TAKEN
PLACE TWO AND A HALF YEARS

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PLACE TWO AND A HALF YEARS
EARLIER.

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EARLIER.
THEN, IT ONLY TOOK 156 MORE

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THEN, IT ONLY TOOK 156 MORE
YEARS UNTIL THE IDEA FINALLY

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YEARS UNTIL THE IDEA FINALLY
REACHED WASHINGTON THAT MAYBE WE

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REACHED WASHINGTON THAT MAYBE WE
SHOULD CELEBRATE THIS.

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SHOULD CELEBRATE THIS.
IT'S GETTING THE FULL HOLIDAY

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IT'S GETTING THE FULL HOLIDAY
TREATMENT.

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TREATMENT.
MY UNDERSTANDING IS --

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MY UNDERSTANDING IS --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

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( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MY UNDERSTANDING IS THAT THEY'RE

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MY UNDERSTANDING IS THAT THEY'RE
GIVING IT THE FULL HOLIDAY

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GIVING IT THE FULL HOLIDAY
TREATMENT -- A DAY OFF,

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TREATMENT -- A DAY OFF,
COMMUNITY

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COMMUNITY
GATHERINGS, AND, ONE ASSUMES,

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GATHERINGS, AND, ONE ASSUMES,
50% ALL TEMPUR-PEDIC CALIFORNIA

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50% ALL TEMPUR-PEDIC CALIFORNIA
KINGS.

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KINGS.
( LAUGHTER )

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( LAUGHTER )
EARLIER TODAY, AT THE SIGNING

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EARLIER TODAY, AT THE SIGNING
CEREMONY IN THE WHITE HOUSE, THE

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CEREMONY IN THE WHITE HOUSE, THE
FIRST BLACK VICE PRESIDENT OF

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FIRST BLACK VICE PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES CELEBRATED THE

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THE UNITED STATES CELEBRATED THE
NEW HOLIDAY.

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NEW HOLIDAY.
>> STEPHEN: SO, THROUGHOUT

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>> STEPHEN: SO, THROUGHOUT
HISTORY, JUNETEENTH HAS BEEN

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HISTORY, JUNETEENTH HAS BEEN
KNOWN BY MANY NAMES.

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KNOWN BY MANY NAMES.
JUBILEE DAY, FREEDOM DAY,

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JUBILEE DAY, FREEDOM DAY,
LIBERATION DAY, EMANCIPATION

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LIBERATION DAY, EMANCIPATION
DAY.

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DAY.
AND TODAY, A NATIONAL HOLIDAY.

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AND TODAY, A NATIONAL HOLIDAY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

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( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: JUNE 19th, KNOWN

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>> Stephen: JUNE 19th, KNOWN
BY MANY NAMES, ALSO KNOWN AS

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BY MANY NAMES, ALSO KNOWN AS
MACKELMORE'S BIRTHDAY BUT,

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MACKELMORE'S BIRTHDAY BUT,
HAVEN'T BLACK AMERICANS SUFFERED

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HAVEN'T BLACK AMERICANS SUFFERED
ENOUGH?

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ENOUGH?
( LAUGHTER )

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( LAUGHTER )
ONE PERSON AT THE CEREMONY WHO

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ONE PERSON AT THE CEREMONY WHO
HAS BEEN WORKING TO MAKE THIS

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HAS BEEN WORKING TO MAKE THIS
HAPPEN FOR DECADES IS

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HAPPEN FOR DECADES IS
94-YEAR-OLD CIVIL RIGHTS

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94-YEAR-OLD CIVIL RIGHTS
ACTIVIST OPAL LEE.

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ACTIVIST OPAL LEE.
HERE'S HOW MS. LEE REACTED TO

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HERE'S HOW MS. LEE REACTED TO
CONGRESS PASSING THE BILL.

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CONGRESS PASSING THE BILL.
>> THE BILL IS PASSED!

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>> THE BILL IS PASSED!
>> WOOHOO! OH OH OH OOH!

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>> WOOHOO! OH OH OH OOH!
>> STEPHEN: I'M CALLING IT NOW:

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>> STEPHEN: I'M CALLING IT NOW:
THAT IS THE SONG OF THE SUMMER.

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THAT IS THE SONG OF THE SUMMER.
( LAUGHTER )

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( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )

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( APPLAUSE )
THE BILL GOT UNANIMOUS SUPPORT

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THE BILL GOT UNANIMOUS SUPPORT
IN THE SENATE, BUT IN THE HOUSE

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IN THE SENATE, BUT IN THE HOUSE
THERE WERE 14 NO VOTES FROM

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THERE WERE 14 NO VOTES FROM
REPUBLICAN MEMBERS OF CONGRESS.

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REPUBLICAN MEMBERS OF CONGRESS.
( BOOING )

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I WONDER IF THOSE
REPRESENTATIVES HAVE ANYTHING IN

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REPRESENTATIVES HAVE ANYTHING IN
COMMON.

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COMMON.
AH, YES -- IT'S THE SPF 700

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AH, YES -- IT'S THE SPF 700
CLUB.

164
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CLUB.
THESE CONGRESSMEN HAD A NUMBER

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THESE CONGRESSMEN HAD A NUMBER
OF OBJECTIONS TO THE BILL,

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OF OBJECTIONS TO THE BILL,
RANGING FROM STUPID TO DUMB.

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RANGING FROM STUPID TO DUMB.
LIKE

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LIKE
KENTUCKY REPRESENTATIVE THOMAS

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KENTUCKY REPRESENTATIVE THOMAS
MASSIE, SEEN HERE EXPLAINING

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MASSIE, SEEN HERE EXPLAINING
THAT HIS GUN IS THAT SIZE

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THAT HIS GUN IS THAT SIZE
BECAUSE IT'S COLD OUT.

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BECAUSE IT'S COLD OUT.
( LAUGHTER )

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( LAUGHTER )
>> Jon: IT'S AN ANALOGY,

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>> Jon: IT'S AN ANALOGY,
SEE...

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SEE...
>> Stephen: MASSEY SWEARS HE

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>> Stephen: MASSEY SWEARS HE
SUPPORTS

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SUPPORTS
JUNETEENTH, BUT TAKES ISSUE WITH

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JUNETEENTH, BUT TAKES ISSUE WITH
THE HOLIDAY'S FULL NAME

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THE HOLIDAY'S FULL NAME
JUNETEENTH NATIONAL INDEPENDENCE

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JUNETEENTH NATIONAL INDEPENDENCE
DAY.

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DAY.
WHY?

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WHY?
BECAUSE HE SAYS IT WILL CONFLICT

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BECAUSE HE SAYS IT WILL CONFLICT
WITH JULY 4TH, AND PUSH

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WITH JULY 4TH, AND PUSH
AMERICANS TO PICK ONE OF THOSE

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AMERICANS TO PICK ONE OF THOSE
TWO DAYS AS THEIR INDEPENDENCE

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TWO DAYS AS THEIR INDEPENDENCE
DAY BASED ON THEIR RACIAL

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DAY BASED ON THEIR RACIAL
IDENTITY.

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IDENTITY.
LET'S BE REAL.

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LET'S BE REAL.
AMERICANS MAY HAVE THEIR

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AMERICANS MAY HAVE THEIR
DIFFERENCES, BUT WE HOLD THESE

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DIFFERENCES, BUT WE HOLD THESE
TRUTH TO BE SELF-EVIDENT: WE

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TRUTH TO BE SELF-EVIDENT: WE
TAKE EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO EAT

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TAKE EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO EAT
AND DRINK TO EXCESS.

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AND DRINK TO EXCESS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

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00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:16,475
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
FOR PETE'S SAKE, WE'LL DOUBLE

196
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:16,675
FOR PETE'S SAKE, WE'LL DOUBLE
DOWN!

197
00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:19,544
DOWN!
WE'LL DO THEM BOTH!

198
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:20,412
WE'LL DO THEM BOTH!
>> COME ON!

199
00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:23,248
>> COME ON!
>> Stephen: FOR PETE'S SAKE,

200
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:24,483
>> Stephen: FOR PETE'S SAKE,
WE MAINLINE MARGARITAS ON CINCO

201
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:25,550
WE MAINLINE MARGARITAS ON CINCO
DE MAYO FOR MEXICAN INDEPENDENCE

202
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:28,387
DE MAYO FOR MEXICAN INDEPENDENCE
DAY, AND WE'RE NOT MEXICAN AND

203
00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:29,020
DAY, AND WE'RE NOT MEXICAN AND
IT'S NOT EVEN THEIR INDEPENDENCE

204
00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:35,160
IT'S NOT EVEN THEIR INDEPENDENCE
DAY.

205
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,461
DAY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

206
00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:37,529
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ALSO, I DON'T THINK TWO

207
00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:39,064
ALSO, I DON'T THINK TWO
INDEPENDENCE DAYS IS GOING TO

208
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,465
INDEPENDENCE DAYS IS GOING TO
CONFUSE A NATION THAT HAS

209
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:43,402
CONFUSE A NATION THAT HAS
LEARNED TO KEEP TRACK OF

210
00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:48,473
LEARNED TO KEEP TRACK OF
FOUR HANDSOME CHRIS.

211
00:06:48,475 --> 00:06:50,776
FOUR HANDSOME CHRIS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

212
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:53,979
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ANDs THE DAY WE ALL CELEBRATE

213
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:59,050
ANDs THE DAY WE ALL CELEBRATE
FOUR HAN HANDSOME CHRISES,

214
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,485
FOUR HAN HANDSOME CHRISES,
CHRISTMAS.

215
00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:03,321
CHRISTMAS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

216
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:03,922
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THERE WAS ALSO SOME GOOD NEWS

217
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:04,456
THERE WAS ALSO SOME GOOD NEWS
OUT OF THE SUPREME COURT.

218
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:04,956
OUT OF THE SUPREME COURT.
TODAY, THE COURT UPHELD

219
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:11,963
TODAY, THE COURT UPHELD
OBAMACARE AGAIN.

220
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:12,464
OBAMACARE AGAIN.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

221
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:15,000
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ObamaCare LIVES!

222
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:16,468
ObamaCare LIVES!
LIVES!

223
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,537
LIVES!
>> Jon: YEAH!

224
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:19,538
>> Jon: YEAH!
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW THAT

225
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:24,476
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW THAT
MEANS ANNUAL PHYSICALS

226
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:26,378
MEANS ANNUAL PHYSICALS
FOR EVERYONE.

227
00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:27,913
FOR EVERYONE.
AMERICA, TURN YOUR HEAD AND

228
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:28,346
AMERICA, TURN YOUR HEAD AND
COUGH.

229
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:29,014
COUGH.
YOU'RE GOOD.

230
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:29,648
YOU'RE GOOD.
YOU'RE GOOD.

231
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,516
YOU'RE GOOD.
COULDN'T GET IT ON IN TIME.

232
00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:35,120
COULDN'T GET IT ON IN TIME.
SOSORRY ABOUT THAT.

233
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,121
SOSORRY ABOUT THAT.
THE VOTE WAS A RESOUNDING 7-2

234
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:36,621
THE VOTE WAS A RESOUNDING 7-2
AGAINST A TEXAS LAWSUIT

235
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:37,522
AGAINST A TEXAS LAWSUIT
CHALLENGING THE INDIVIDUAL

236
00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:38,723
CHALLENGING THE INDIVIDUAL
MANDATE.

237
00:07:38,725 --> 00:07:40,459
MANDATE.
THE COURT DECIDED THAT TEXAS DID

238
00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:42,327
THE COURT DECIDED THAT TEXAS DID
NOT HAVE STANDING TO SUE BECAUSE

239
00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:42,994
NOT HAVE STANDING TO SUE BECAUSE
NOBODY WAS FORCED TO PAY A

240
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:43,495
NOBODY WAS FORCED TO PAY A
PENALTY FOR NOT GETTING

241
00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:44,463
PENALTY FOR NOT GETTING
INSURANCE.

242
00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:48,467
INSURANCE.
WHY?

243
00:07:48,469 --> 00:07:49,468
WHY?
BACK IN 2017, THE GOP-CONTROLLED

244
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,036
BACK IN 2017, THE GOP-CONTROLLED
CONGRESS PASSED A BILL CUTTING
CONGRESS PASSED A BILL CUTTI

245
00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:54,973
CONGRESS PASSED A BILL CUTTI
THE INDIVIDUAL MANDATE PENALTY
TO ZERO.

246
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:55,507
THE INDIVIDUAL MANDATE PENALTY
TO ZERO.
THE REPUBLICANS' PREVIOUS

247
00:07:55,509 --> 00:08:00,479
TO ZERO.
THE REPUBLICANS' PREVIOUS
ATTEMPT TO KILL OBAMACARE KILLED

248
00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:02,280
THE REPUBLICANS' PREVIOUS
ATTEMPT TO KILL OBAMACARE KILLED
THIS ATTEMPT TO KILL OBAMACARE

249
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:03,715
ATTEMPT TO KILL OBAMACARE KILLED
THIS ATTEMPT TO KILL OBAMACARE
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

250
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:04,483
THIS ATTEMPT TO KILL OBAMACARE
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

251
00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:05,817
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

252
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,153
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
>> Jon: THAT'S HOW IT GOES

253
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:10,555
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
>> Jon: THAT'S HOW IT GOES
DOWN SOMETIMES!

254
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:10,856
>> Jon: THAT'S HOW IT GOES
DOWN SOMETIMES!
( APPLAUSE )

255
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:11,957
DOWN SOMETIMES!
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: TURNS OUT THE

256
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:16,461
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: TURNS OUT THE
G.O.P. IS ITS OWN WORST ENEMY.

257
00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:19,531
>> Stephen: TURNS OUT THE
G.O.P. IS ITS OWN WORST ENEMY.
ALSO, EVERYONE ELSE'S.

258
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:23,368
G.O.P. IS ITS OWN WORST ENEMY.
ALSO, EVERYONE ELSE'S.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

259
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:28,473
ALSO, EVERYONE ELSE'S.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WAY OUT WEST, SUMMER IS HERE

260
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:31,009
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WAY OUT WEST, SUMMER IS HERE
WITH A VENGEANCE.

261
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:31,543
WAY OUT WEST, SUMMER IS HERE
WITH A VENGEANCE.
STATES FROM MONTANA TO

262
00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:32,143
WITH A VENGEANCE.
STATES FROM MONTANA TO
CALIFORNIA ARE EXPERIENCING

263
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:32,711
STATES FROM MONTANA TO
CALIFORNIA ARE EXPERIENCING
ONE OF THE MOST EXTREME HEA

264
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:35,981
CALIFORNIA ARE EXPERIENCING
ONE OF THE MOST EXTREME HEA
WAVES EVER OBSERVED.

265
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:36,515
ONE OF THE MOST EXTREME HEA
WAVES EVER OBSERVED.
LET'S GO TO THE FORECAST:

266
00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:36,915
WAVES EVER OBSERVED.
LET'S GO TO THE FORECAST:
>> THANKS, STEVE!

267
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:39,217
LET'S GO TO THE FORECAST:
>> THANKS, STEVE!
IT'S A REAL SCORCHER.

268
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:43,522
>> THANKS, STEVE!
IT'S A REAL SCORCHER.
OVER TO CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPORTS!

269
00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:44,456
IT'S A REAL SCORCHER.
OVER TO CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPORTS!
>> AHH NETS IN 6 KEVIN DURANT IS

270
00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:46,424
OVER TO CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPORTS!
>> AHH NETS IN 6 KEVIN DURANT IS
ON FIRE!

271
00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:47,592
>> AHH NETS IN 6 KEVIN DURANT IS
ON FIRE!
>> STEPHEN: IN FACT, MULTIPLE

272
00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:48,426
ON FIRE!
>> STEPHEN: IN FACT, MULTIPLE
WEATHER SERVICE OFFICES IN THE

273
00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:50,195
>> STEPHEN: IN FACT, MULTIPLE
WEATHER SERVICE OFFICES IN THE
WEST HAVE ISSUED EXCESSIVE-HEAT

274
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:52,464
WEATHER SERVICE OFFICES IN THE
WEST HAVE ISSUED EXCESSIVE-HEAT
WARNINGS FOR DANGEROUSLY HOT

275
00:08:52,466 --> 00:08:53,598
WEST HAVE ISSUED EXCESSIVE-HEAT
WARNINGS FOR DANGEROUSLY HOT
CONDITIONS.

276
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:54,833
WARNINGS FOR DANGEROUSLY HOT
CONDITIONS.
IT'S PARTICULARLY HOT IN THE

277
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:55,534
CONDITIONS.
IT'S PARTICULARLY HOT IN THE
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA REGION OF

278
00:08:55,536 --> 00:09:03,875
IT'S PARTICULARLY HOT IN THE
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA REGION OF
DOWNTOWN BENNIFER.

279
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:04,075
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA REGION OF
DOWNTOWN BENNIFER.
HUMID.

280
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:04,676
DOWNTOWN BENNIFER.
HUMID.
IN ARIZONA, TEMPERATURES HAVE

281
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:07,546
HUMID.
IN ARIZONA, TEMPERATURES HAVE
SOARED PAST 115 DEGREES.

282
00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:10,248
IN ARIZONA, TEMPERATURES HAVE
SOARED PAST 115 DEGREES.
ONE PHOENIX RESIDENT TOLD

283
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,484
SOARED PAST 115 DEGREES.
ONE PHOENIX RESIDENT TOLD
REPORTERS, I FEEL LIKE I'M IN

284
00:09:12,486 --> 00:09:16,488
ONE PHOENIX RESIDENT TOLD
REPORTERS, I FEEL LIKE I'M IN
HELL.

285
00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:18,423
REPORTERS, I FEEL LIKE I'M IN
HELL.
SO, PHOENIX --

286
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:19,024
HELL.
SO, PHOENIX --
( APPLAUSE )

287
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:19,524
SO, PHOENIX --
( APPLAUSE )
IT'S LOVELY.

288
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:21,159
( APPLAUSE )
IT'S LOVELY.
IT'S JUST A JOKE, JON.

289
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:22,894
IT'S LOVELY.
IT'S JUST A JOKE, JON.
>> Jon: I QUESTION IT.

290
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:23,361
IT'S JUST A JOKE, JON.
>> Jon: I QUESTION IT.
I GET IT.

291
00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:25,297
>> Jon: I QUESTION IT.
I GET IT.
>> Stephen: I LOVE YOU,

292
00:09:25,299 --> 00:09:25,530
I GET IT.
>> Stephen: I LOVE YOU,
PHOENIX.

293
00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:26,531
>> Stephen: I LOVE YOU,
PHOENIX.
ONE OF THE STATES MOST AFFECTED

294
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:27,332
PHOENIX.
ONE OF THE STATES MOST AFFECTED
BY RISING TEMPERATURES IS TEXAS.

295
00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:28,233
ONE OF THE STATES MOST AFFECTED
BY RISING TEMPERATURES IS TEXAS.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY

296
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:28,867
BY RISING TEMPERATURES IS TEXAS.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY
WHEN ONE TEXAS WOMAN LEFT A JAR

297
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:31,536
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY
WHEN ONE TEXAS WOMAN LEFT A JAR
OF DIETARY SUPPLEMENTS IN HER

298
00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:32,470
WHEN ONE TEXAS WOMAN LEFT A JAR
OF DIETARY SUPPLEMENTS IN HER
CAR.

299
00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:35,440
OF DIETARY SUPPLEMENTS IN HER
CAR.
HER DOCTOR SAID SHE WASN'T

300
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:36,374
CAR.
HER DOCTOR SAID SHE WASN'T
GETTING ENOUGH VITAMIN GOO.

301
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:36,875
HER DOCTOR SAID SHE WASN'T
GETTING ENOUGH VITAMIN GOO.
THIS HEAT IS ESPECIALLY

302
00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:42,147
GETTING ENOUGH VITAMIN GOO.
THIS HEAT IS ESPECIALLY
DANGEROUS FOR TEXANS BECAUSE OF

303
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:45,984
THIS HEAT IS ESPECIALLY
DANGEROUS FOR TEXANS BECAUSE OF
THEIR POWER GRID IS FRAGILE.

304
00:09:45,986 --> 00:09:46,818
DANGEROUS FOR TEXANS BECAUSE OF
THEIR POWER GRID IS FRAGILE.
YOU MIGHT REMEMBER THAT, BACK IN

305
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:47,552
THEIR POWER GRID IS FRAGILE.
YOU MIGHT REMEMBER THAT, BACK IN
FEBRUARY, WINTER STORMS LEFT

306
00:09:47,554 --> 00:09:48,086
YOU MIGHT REMEMBER THAT, BACK IN
FEBRUARY, WINTER STORMS LEFT
MORE THAN 4.8M HOMES AND

307
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:48,687
FEBRUARY, WINTER STORMS LEFT
MORE THAN 4.8M HOMES AND
BUSINESSES WITHOUT ELECTRICITY

308
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:49,521
MORE THAN 4.8M HOMES AND
BUSINESSES WITHOUT ELECTRICITY
FOR DAYS.

309
00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:51,590
BUSINESSES WITHOUT ELECTRICITY
FOR DAYS.
SO IT'S GOOD THAT

310
00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:52,157
FOR DAYS.
SO IT'S GOOD THAT
(SINGING)

311
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:52,557
SO IT'S GOOD THAT
(SINGING)
THE STARS AT NIGHT

312
00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:55,527
(SINGING)
THE STARS AT NIGHT
ARE BIG AND BRIGHT

313
00:09:55,529 --> 00:09:57,929
THE STARS AT NIGHT
ARE BIG AND BRIGHT
CUZ THERE'S NO LIGHTS IN TEXA

314
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:58,296
ARE BIG AND BRIGHT
CUZ THERE'S NO LIGHTS IN TEXA
( LAUGHTER )

315
00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:00,332
CUZ THERE'S NO LIGHTS IN TEXA
( LAUGHTER )
OF COURSE -- THANK YOU!

316
00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:03,368
( LAUGHTER )
OF COURSE -- THANK YOU!
WOULDN'T PEE-WEE BE PROUD?

317
00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:04,135
OF COURSE -- THANK YOU!
WOULDN'T PEE-WEE BE PROUD?
RIGHT ON CUE.

318
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:05,870
WOULDN'T PEE-WEE BE PROUD?
RIGHT ON CUE.
HOW DID THEY KNOW?

319
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:08,039
RIGHT ON CUE.
HOW DID THEY KNOW?
HOW DID THEY KNOW?

320
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:08,673
HOW DID THEY KNOW?
HOW DID THEY KNOW?
>> STEPHEN: OF COURSE, THE POWER

321
00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:09,374
HOW DID THEY KNOW?
>> STEPHEN: OF COURSE, THE POWER
COMPANY COULD NEVER HAVE

322
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:11,176
>> STEPHEN: OF COURSE, THE POWER
COMPANY COULD NEVER HAVE
ANTICIPATED COLD WEATHER IN

323
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:11,376
COMPANY COULD NEVER HAVE
ANTICIPATED COLD WEATHER IN
TEXAS.

324
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:15,714
ANTICIPATED COLD WEATHER IN
TEXAS.
OR HOT WEATHER IN TEXAS.

325
00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:16,481
TEXAS.
OR HOT WEATHER IN TEXAS.
( LAUGHTER )

326
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:17,616
OR HOT WEATHER IN TEXAS.
( LAUGHTER )
BECAUSE THIS WEEK, THE TEXAS

327
00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:18,583
( LAUGHTER )
BECAUSE THIS WEEK, THE TEXAS
POWER COMPANY STARTED

328
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:19,417
BECAUSE THIS WEEK, THE TEXAS
POWER COMPANY STARTED
BEGGING CUSTOMERS TO TURN OFF

329
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:19,918
POWER COMPANY STARTED
BEGGING CUSTOMERS TO TURN OFF
APPLIANCES TO HELP AVERT

330
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,519
BEGGING CUSTOMERS TO TURN OFF
APPLIANCES TO HELP AVERT
BLACKOUTS.

331
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:22,721
APPLIANCES TO HELP AVERT
BLACKOUTS.
SO, THE ENERGY COMPANY'S ADVICE

332
00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:23,321
BLACKOUTS.
SO, THE ENERGY COMPANY'S ADVICE
IS BUY AN A.C. UNIT, BUT DON'T

333
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:28,893
SO, THE ENERGY COMPANY'S ADVICE
IS BUY AN A.C. UNIT, BUT DON'T
TURN IT ON IF IT'S HOT.

334
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:32,931
IS BUY AN A.C. UNIT, BUT DON'T
TURN IT ON IF IT'S HOT.
AND JUST TO RUB SALT IN THE

335
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:33,131
TURN IT ON IF IT'S HOT.
AND JUST TO RUB SALT IN THE
WOUND,

336
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,132
AND JUST TO RUB SALT IN THE
WOUND,
THESE WARNINGS ABOUT UNRELIABLE

337
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,567
WOUND,
THESE WARNINGS ABOUT UNRELIABLE
POWER ARE COMING FROM THE

338
00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:36,468
THESE WARNINGS ABOUT UNRELIABLE
POWER ARE COMING FROM THE
ELECTRIC RELIABILITY COUNCIL OF

339
00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:39,137
POWER ARE COMING FROM THE
ELECTRIC RELIABILITY COUNCIL OF
TEXAS.

340
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,472
ELECTRIC RELIABILITY COUNCIL OF
TEXAS.
( LAUGHTER )

341
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:41,373
TEXAS.
( LAUGHTER )
KIND OF A MISNOMER.

342
00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:41,906
( LAUGHTER )
KIND OF A MISNOMER.
AT THIS POINT, THAT'S LIKE

343
00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:43,541
KIND OF A MISNOMER.
AT THIS POINT, THAT'S LIKE
THE SOBRIETY COUNCIL OF NEW

344
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:44,476
AT THIS POINT, THAT'S LIKE
THE SOBRIETY COUNCIL OF NEW
ORLEANS.

345
00:10:44,478 --> 00:10:48,480
THE SOBRIETY COUNCIL OF NEW
ORLEANS.
( LAUGHTER )

346
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:50,415
ORLEANS.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Jon: HEY!

347
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:51,383
( LAUGHTER )
>> Jon: HEY!
NOT EVERYBODY!

348
00:10:51,385 --> 00:10:53,284
>> Jon: HEY!
NOT EVERYBODY!
>> Stephen: NOT EVERYBODY.

349
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:54,686
NOT EVERYBODY!
>> Stephen: NOT EVERYBODY.
NOBODY'S SAYING DON'T PARTY!

350
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:55,787
>> Stephen: NOT EVERYBODY.
NOBODY'S SAYING DON'T PARTY!
NOBODY'S SAYING DON'T PARTY.

351
00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:58,056
NOBODY'S SAYING DON'T PARTY!
NOBODY'S SAYING DON'T PARTY.
>> Jon: NOBODY'S GOT THE

352
00:10:58,058 --> 00:10:58,289
NOBODY'S SAYING DON'T PARTY.
>> Jon: NOBODY'S GOT THE
COURAGE.

353
00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:00,458
>> Jon: NOBODY'S GOT THE
COURAGE.
>> Stephen: STAYING IN TEXAS,

354
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:01,526
COURAGE.
>> Stephen: STAYING IN TEXAS,
THERE WAS A

355
00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:02,627
>> Stephen: STAYING IN TEXAS,
THERE WAS A
BIG ANNOUNCEMENT FROM TEXAS

356
00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:03,161
THERE WAS A
BIG ANNOUNCEMENT FROM TEXAS
GOVERNOR AND MAN BREATHING

357
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:03,762
BIG ANNOUNCEMENT FROM TEXAS
GOVERNOR AND MAN BREATHING
EASIER THANKS TO ALLEGRA, GREG

358
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:04,429
GOVERNOR AND MAN BREATHING
EASIER THANKS TO ALLEGRA, GREG
ABBOTT.

359
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:05,930
EASIER THANKS TO ALLEGRA, GREG
ABBOTT.
ABBOTT SAYS HE'S GOING TO

360
00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:07,098
ABBOTT.
ABBOTT SAYS HE'S GOING TO
SOLICIT DONATIONS FROM THE

361
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:07,732
ABBOTT SAYS HE'S GOING TO
SOLICIT DONATIONS FROM THE
PUBLIC TO FUND THE CONSTRUCTION

362
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:12,003
SOLICIT DONATIONS FROM THE
PUBLIC TO FUND THE CONSTRUCTION
OF TEXAS' BORDER WALL.

363
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:12,470
PUBLIC TO FUND THE CONSTRUCTION
OF TEXAS' BORDER WALL.
( BOOING )

364
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:15,840
OF TEXAS' BORDER WALL.
( BOOING )
NO, NO, NO, HEAR ME OUT!

365
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:16,474
( BOOING )
NO, NO, NO, HEAR ME OUT!
IT'S ABOUT TIME.

366
00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:19,544
NO, NO, NO, HEAR ME OUT!
IT'S ABOUT TIME.
SOMEBODY'S GOTTA KEEP THOSE

367
00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:20,478
IT'S ABOUT TIME.
SOMEBODY'S GOTTA KEEP THOSE
TEXANS OUT OF THE U.S..

368
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,112
SOMEBODY'S GOTTA KEEP THOSE
TEXANS OUT OF THE U.S..
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

369
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:22,280
TEXANS OUT OF THE U.S..
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
DO FLORIDA NEXT!

370
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:22,847
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
DO FLORIDA NEXT!
WHAT?

371
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:24,182
DO FLORIDA NEXT!
WHAT?
OH, NO!

372
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:28,486
WHAT?
OH, NO!
SO BAD.

373
00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:29,821
OH, NO!
SO BAD.
( APPLAUSE )

374
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:31,523
SO BAD.
( APPLAUSE )
I'M BEING TOLD IT'S ACTUALLY FOR

375
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:32,457
( APPLAUSE )
I'M BEING TOLD IT'S ACTUALLY FOR
A U.S.-MEXICO BORDER WALL.

376
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:34,392
I'M BEING TOLD IT'S ACTUALLY FOR
A U.S.-MEXICO BORDER WALL.
OKAY, SO, ONE STATE CAN DO ITS

377
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:35,660
A U.S.-MEXICO BORDER WALL.
OKAY, SO, ONE STATE CAN DO ITS
OWN FOREIGN POLICY?

378
00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:36,461
OKAY, SO, ONE STATE CAN DO ITS
OWN FOREIGN POLICY?
IT REMINDS ME OF THAT FAMOUS

379
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:37,529
OWN FOREIGN POLICY?
IT REMINDS ME OF THAT FAMOUS
HEADLINE AFTER PEARL HARBOR:

380
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:43,601
IT REMINDS ME OF THAT FAMOUS
HEADLINE AFTER PEARL HARBOR:
DELAWARE DECLARES DELA-WAR

381
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:43,902
HEADLINE AFTER PEARL HARBOR:
DELAWARE DECLARES DELA-WAR
( LAUGHTER )

382
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:44,502
DELAWARE DECLARES DELA-WAR
( LAUGHTER )
BUT I UNDERSTAND WHY TEXAS IS

383
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:45,570
( LAUGHTER )
BUT I UNDERSTAND WHY TEXAS IS
DESPERATE.

384
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:46,237
BUT I UNDERSTAND WHY TEXAS IS
DESPERATE.
THEY HAVE TO FIND SOME WAY TO

385
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:48,473
DESPERATE.
THEY HAVE TO FIND SOME WAY TO
STOP THEIR SENATORS FROM

386
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:49,541
THEY HAVE TO FIND SOME WAY TO
STOP THEIR SENATORS FROM
FLEEING TO CANCUN.

387
00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:52,477
STOP THEIR SENATORS FROM
FLEEING TO CANCUN.
( LAUGHTER )

388
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:54,012
FLEEING TO CANCUN.
( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

389
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:56,414
( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT'S LIKE WE'RE CATCHING UP ON A

390
00:11:56,416 --> 00:12:00,485
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT'S LIKE WE'RE CATCHING UP ON A
LOT OF PUNCH LINES.

391
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:03,021
IT'S LIKE WE'RE CATCHING UP ON A
LOT OF PUNCH LINES.
TO PRIME THE DONATION PUMP,

392
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:03,621
LOT OF PUNCH LINES.
TO PRIME THE DONATION PUMP,
YESTERDAY ABBOTT ANNOUNCED THE

393
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:04,456
TO PRIME THE DONATION PUMP,
YESTERDAY ABBOTT ANNOUNCED THE
STATE WAS KICKING IN $250

394
00:12:04,458 --> 00:12:05,957
YESTERDAY ABBOTT ANNOUNCED THE
STATE WAS KICKING IN $250
MILLION.

395
00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:07,525
STATE WAS KICKING IN $250
MILLION.
WHAT A WISE USE OF TAXPAYER

396
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:08,460
MILLION.
WHAT A WISE USE OF TAXPAYER
MONEY.

397
00:12:08,462 --> 00:12:10,562
WHAT A WISE USE OF TAXPAYER
MONEY.
YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO WASTE IT ON

398
00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:11,162
MONEY.
YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO WASTE IT ON
SOMETHING STUPID, LIKE SHORING

399
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:12,464
YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO WASTE IT ON
SOMETHING STUPID, LIKE SHORING
UP THEIR COTTON CANDY POWER

400
00:12:12,466 --> 00:12:14,466
SOMETHING STUPID, LIKE SHORING
UP THEIR COTTON CANDY POWER
GRID.

401
00:12:14,468 --> 00:12:14,766
UP THEIR COTTON CANDY POWER
GRID.
( LAUGHTER )

402
00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:15,333
GRID.
( LAUGHTER )
ABBOTT WAS CLEAR ON WANTING

403
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:16,468
( LAUGHTER )
ABBOTT WAS CLEAR ON WANTING
MONEY AND WANTING WALL, BUT THE

404
00:12:16,470 --> 00:12:22,073
ABBOTT WAS CLEAR ON WANTING
MONEY AND WANTING WALL, BUT THE
OTHER DETAILS WERE PRETTY FUZZY.

405
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:22,941
MONEY AND WANTING WALL, BUT THE
OTHER DETAILS WERE PRETTY FUZZY.
AS ONE REPORTER PUT IT,

406
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:23,575
OTHER DETAILS WERE PRETTY FUZZY.
AS ONE REPORTER PUT IT,
HE SAYS TEXANS CAN DONATE THEIR

407
00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:24,476
AS ONE REPORTER PUT IT,
HE SAYS TEXANS CAN DONATE THEIR
PRIVATE LAND AND MONEY TO THE

408
00:12:24,478 --> 00:12:27,178
HE SAYS TEXANS CAN DONATE THEIR
PRIVATE LAND AND MONEY TO THE
PROJECT.

409
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:28,480
PRIVATE LAND AND MONEY TO THE
PROJECT.
BUT HE CAN'T SAY WHAT THE

410
00:12:28,482 --> 00:12:31,416
PROJECT.
BUT HE CAN'T SAY WHAT THE
PROJECT WILL LOOK LIKE, HOW MANY

411
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:32,050
BUT HE CAN'T SAY WHAT THE
PROJECT WILL LOOK LIKE, HOW MANY
MILES WILL BE BUILT OR WHERE IT

412
00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:34,519
PROJECT WILL LOOK LIKE, HOW MANY
MILES WILL BE BUILT OR WHERE IT
WILL BE BUILT.

413
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:35,987
MILES WILL BE BUILT OR WHERE IT
WILL BE BUILT.
SO IT'S LESS OF A BORDER POLICY

414
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:40,458
WILL BE BUILT.
SO IT'S LESS OF A BORDER POLICY
AND MORE OF AN IMPROV SHOW.

415
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:46,498
SO IT'S LESS OF A BORDER POLICY
AND MORE OF AN IMPROV SHOW.
( APPLAUSE )

416
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:47,098
AND MORE OF AN IMPROV SHOW.
( APPLAUSE )
OKAY!

417
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:47,832
( APPLAUSE )
OKAY!
I NEED THE SUGGESTION OF A PLACE

418
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:48,466
OKAY!
I NEED THE SUGGESTION OF A PLACE
TO BUILD A BORDER WALL, HOW LONG

419
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:49,100
I NEED THE SUGGESTION OF A PLACE
TO BUILD A BORDER WALL, HOW LONG
IT SHOULD BE, AND A MINORITY TO

420
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:49,534
TO BUILD A BORDER WALL, HOW LONG
IT SHOULD BE, AND A MINORITY TO
VILLAINIZE.

421
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:50,101
IT SHOULD BE, AND A MINORITY TO
VILLAINIZE.
OKAY, I HEARD SURFACE OF THE

422
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:50,735
VILLAINIZE.
OKAY, I HEARD SURFACE OF THE
MOON, 100,000 MILES, AND SPACE

423
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:51,369
OKAY, I HEARD SURFACE OF THE
MOON, 100,000 MILES, AND SPACE
HONDURANS.

424
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:51,970
MOON, 100,000 MILES, AND SPACE
HONDURANS.
BASED ON THOSE SUGGESTIONS, WE

425
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:52,604
HONDURANS.
BASED ON THOSE SUGGESTIONS, WE
TAKE YOU TO THIS PROCTOLOGIST'S

426
00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:59,444
BASED ON THOSE SUGGESTIONS, WE
TAKE YOU TO THIS PROCTOLOGIST'S
OFFICE.

427
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,345
TAKE YOU TO THIS PROCTOLOGIST'S
OFFICE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

428
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,546
OFFICE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HELLO, DOCTOR!

429
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,648
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HELLO, DOCTOR!
IT'S A SNAKE!

430
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:04,482
HELLO, DOCTOR!
IT'S A SNAKE!
SPEAKING OF FOREIGN COUNTRIES,

431
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:08,787
IT'S A SNAKE!
SPEAKING OF FOREIGN COUNTRIES,
EUROPE.

432
00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:09,087
SPEAKING OF FOREIGN COUNTRIES,
EUROPE.
( LAUGHTER )

433
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:10,121
EUROPE.
( LAUGHTER )
THIS SUMMER, EUROPE IS IN THE

434
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,457
( LAUGHTER )
THIS SUMMER, EUROPE IS IN THE
MIDST OF THE EUROPEAN SOCCER

435
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:12,957
THIS SUMMER, EUROPE IS IN THE
MIDST OF THE EUROPEAN SOCCER
TOURNAMENT.

436
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:13,591
MIDST OF THE EUROPEAN SOCCER
TOURNAMENT.
AN EVENT THAT HAPPENS ONLY, I'M

437
00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:16,261
TOURNAMENT.
AN EVENT THAT HAPPENS ONLY, I'M
GOING TO SAY, EVERY SNGLE DAY?

438
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:19,097
AN EVENT THAT HAPPENS ONLY, I'M
GOING TO SAY, EVERY SNGLE DAY?
( LAUGHTER )

439
00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:19,597
GOING TO SAY, EVERY SNGLE DAY?
( LAUGHTER )
ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT IT.

440
00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:20,465
( LAUGHTER )
ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT IT.
THE EVENT IS CALLED

441
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,801
ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT IT.
THE EVENT IS CALLED
EURO 2020.

442
00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:24,469
THE EVENT IS CALLED
EURO 2020.
BUT IT'S TAKING PLACE IN 2021

443
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:27,138
EURO 2020.
BUT IT'S TAKING PLACE IN 2021
BECAUSE OF COVID, AND BECAUSE

444
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,473
BUT IT'S TAKING PLACE IN 2021
BECAUSE OF COVID, AND BECAUSE
2021 IS 2020 IN CELSIUS, I

445
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:30,942
BECAUSE OF COVID, AND BECAUSE
2021 IS 2020 IN CELSIUS, I
THINK.

446
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:31,242
2021 IS 2020 IN CELSIUS, I
THINK.
( LAUGHTER )

447
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:39,450
THINK.
( LAUGHTER )
AND THERE'S ALREADY BEEN UNE

448
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:40,251
( LAUGHTER )
AND THERE'S ALREADY BEEN UNE
SCANDALE GRANDE INVOLVING

449
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:40,819
AND THERE'S ALREADY BEEN UNE
SCANDALE GRANDE INVOLVING
PORTUGUESE SUPERSTAR AND SEX

450
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:45,223
SCANDALE GRANDE INVOLVING
PORTUGUESE SUPERSTAR AND SEX
DOLL OF CRISTIANO RONALDO.

451
00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:46,291
PORTUGUESE SUPERSTAR AND SEX
DOLL OF CRISTIANO RONALDO.
CRISTIANO RONALDO.

452
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:46,958
DOLL OF CRISTIANO RONALDO.
CRISTIANO RONALDO.
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.

453
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,126
CRISTIANO RONALDO.
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.
COCA COLA IS A MAJOR SPONSOR OF

454
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:48,693
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.
COCA COLA IS A MAJOR SPONSOR OF
THE TOURNAMENT, BUT DURING A

455
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:49,527
COCA COLA IS A MAJOR SPONSOR OF
THE TOURNAMENT, BUT DURING A
PRESS BRIEFING, RONALDO DID

456
00:13:49,529 --> 00:14:00,471
THE TOURNAMENT, BUT DURING A
PRESS BRIEFING, RONALDO DID
THIS:

457
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:03,808
PRESS BRIEFING, RONALDO DID
THIS:
> AGUA

458
00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:04,475
THIS:
> AGUA
>> STEPHEN: RONALDO, YOU KNOW

459
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:07,545
> AGUA
>> STEPHEN: RONALDO, YOU KNOW
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT.

460
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:12,483
>> STEPHEN: RONALDO, YOU KNOW
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT.
YOU HAVE TO MOVE THE COKE

461
00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:13,151
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT.
YOU HAVE TO MOVE THE COKE
BOTTLES WITH YOUR FEET.

462
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:13,451
YOU HAVE TO MOVE THE COKE
BOTTLES WITH YOUR FEET.
( LAUGHTER )

463
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:15,286
BOTTLES WITH YOUR FEET.
( LAUGHTER )
RED CARD.

464
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:16,454
( LAUGHTER )
RED CARD.
RED CARD.

465
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:20,725
RED CARD.
RED CARD.
( APPLAUSE )

466
00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:21,826
RED CARD.
( APPLAUSE )
GIVE ME THAT BACK.

467
00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:24,462
( APPLAUSE )
GIVE ME THAT BACK.
I USE THAT TO CHECK OUT

468
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:28,466
GIVE ME THAT BACK.
I USE THAT TO CHECK OUT
BOOKS AT THE VATICAN LIBRARY.

469
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:36,474
I USE THAT TO CHECK OUT
BOOKS AT THE VATICAN LIBRARY.
( LAUGHTER )

470
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:39,477
BOOKS AT THE VATICAN LIBRARY.
( LAUGHTER )
AFTER MOVING THE BOTTLES,

471
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:40,178
( LAUGHTER )
AFTER MOVING THE BOTTLES,
RONALDO SAYS "AGUA," WHICH I

472
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:40,745
AFTER MOVING THE BOTTLES,
RONALDO SAYS "AGUA," WHICH I
BELIEVE IS PORTUGESE FOR WE

473
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:43,114
RONALDO SAYS "AGUA," WHICH I
BELIEVE IS PORTUGESE FOR WE
DON'T HAVE COKE, IS PEPSI OKAY?

474
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:43,414
BELIEVE IS PORTUGESE FOR WE
DON'T HAVE COKE, IS PEPSI OKAY?
( LAUGHTER )

475
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:46,718
DON'T HAVE COKE, IS PEPSI OKAY?
( LAUGHTER )
RONALDO IS NOT ALONE.

476
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:47,352
( LAUGHTER )
RONALDO IS NOT ALONE.
FRENCH STAR PAUL POGBA DID THIS

477
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:48,486
RONALDO IS NOT ALONE.
FRENCH STAR PAUL POGBA DID THIS
TO A BOTTLE OF HEINEKEN ZERO

478
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:52,423
FRENCH STAR PAUL POGBA DID THIS
TO A BOTTLE OF HEINEKEN ZERO
POINT ZERO.

479
00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:59,998
>> STEPHEN: POGBA, YOU CAN'T DO
THAT TO ONE OF YOUR MAJOR
SPONSORS LIKE HEINEKEN ZERO

480
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:00,598
THAT TO ONE OF YOUR MAJOR
SPONSORS LIKE HEINEKEN ZERO
POINT ZERO, WHICH IS NAMED FOR

481
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,532
SPONSORS LIKE HEINEKEN ZERO
POINT ZERO, WHICH IS NAMED FOR
THE NUMBER OF GOALS IN AN

482
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:04,469
POINT ZERO, WHICH IS NAMED FOR
THE NUMBER OF GOALS IN AN
AVERAGE SOCCER GAME.

483
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:08,473
THE NUMBER OF GOALS IN AN
AVERAGE SOCCER GAME.
( LAUGHTER )

484
00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:13,077
AVERAGE SOCCER GAME.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS!

485
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:16,214
( LAUGHTER )
>> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS!
>> Stephen: I WILL SAY THIS,

486
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:17,215
>> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS!
>> Stephen: I WILL SAY THIS,
THOUGH -- SPITTING

487
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:17,815
>> Stephen: I WILL SAY THIS,
THOUGH -- SPITTING
IN THE FACE OF A SPONSOR LIKE

488
00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:18,750
THOUGH -- SPITTING
IN THE FACE OF A SPONSOR LIKE
THAT TAKES COURAGE AND

489
00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:19,517
IN THE FACE OF A SPONSOR LIKE
THAT TAKES COURAGE AND
INTEGRITY.

490
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:24,489
THAT TAKES COURAGE AND
INTEGRITY.
AND WHEN I NEED INTEGRITY, I

491
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:31,296
INTEGRITY.
AND WHEN I NEED INTEGRITY, I
REACH FOR AN ICE COLD COCA COLA.

492
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:31,596
AND WHEN I NEED INTEGRITY, I
REACH FOR AN ICE COLD COCA COLA.
( APPLAUSE )

493
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:32,463
REACH FOR AN ICE COLD COCA COLA.
( APPLAUSE )
WHICH I ENJOY WITH A LITTLE

494
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,365
( APPLAUSE )
WHICH I ENJOY WITH A LITTLE
HEINEKEN ZERO POINT ZERO.

495
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:37,535
WHICH I ENJOY WITH A LITTLE
HEINEKEN ZERO POINT ZERO.
>> Jon: MM-MMM, MM-MMM.

496
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,471
HEINEKEN ZERO POINT ZERO.
>> Jon: MM-MMM, MM-MMM.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

497
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:43,541
>> Jon: MM-MMM, MM-MMM.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
PRINCIPLES.

498
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:48,479
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
PRINCIPLES.
MM-MMM!

499
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:51,115
PRINCIPLES.
MM-MMM!
( LAUGHTER )

500
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,483
MM-MMM!
( LAUGHTER )
(GAGGING)

501
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:55,520
( LAUGHTER )
(GAGGING)
AGUA.

502
00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:57,956
(GAGGING)
AGUA.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU

503
00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:58,423
AGUA.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.

504
00:15:58,425 --> 00:15:58,990
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS NATHAN LANE, BUT

505
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:00,325
TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS NATHAN LANE, BUT
WHEN WE COME BACK, MEANWHILE

506
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:00,658
MY GUEST IS NATHAN LANE, BUT
WHEN WE COME BACK, MEANWHILE
STICK AROUND.

507
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:01,159
WHEN WE COME BACK, MEANWHILE
STICK AROUND.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

508
00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:01,326
STICK AROUND.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪

509
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:01,526
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪
MBZ.

510
00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:04,429
♪
MBZ.
♪

511
00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:31,222
♪♪♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!

512
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:34,625
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!
GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND

513
00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:41,499
WELCOME BACK!
GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND
"STAY HUMAN"!

514
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,601
GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND
"STAY HUMAN"!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

515
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,503
"STAY HUMAN"!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: YES!

516
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:50,742
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: YES!
>> Stephen: HOW'S EVERYBODY?

517
00:16:50,744 --> 00:16:51,342
>> Jon: YES!
>> Stephen: HOW'S EVERYBODY?
HOW'S EVERYBODY?

518
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,378
>> Stephen: HOW'S EVERYBODY?
HOW'S EVERYBODY?
I SEE YOU GUYS EVERY DAY.

519
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:55,146
HOW'S EVERYBODY?
I SEE YOU GUYS EVERY DAY.
WE DON'T GET TO TALK MUCH.

520
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:56,214
I SEE YOU GUYS EVERY DAY.
WE DON'T GET TO TALK MUCH.
HOW'S EVERYBODY IN THE BAND

521
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:58,383
WE DON'T GET TO TALK MUCH.
HOW'S EVERYBODY IN THE BAND
FEELING ABOUT THE FIRST WEEK

522
00:16:58,385 --> 00:16:58,649
HOW'S EVERYBODY IN THE BAND
FEELING ABOUT THE FIRST WEEK
BACK?

523
00:16:58,651 --> 00:16:58,916
FEELING ABOUT THE FIRST WEEK
BACK?
>> GREAT.

524
00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:00,618
BACK?
>> GREAT.
>> Stephen: IT'S LIKE LIFE

525
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:01,486
>> GREAT.
>> Stephen: IT'S LIKE LIFE
ITSELF, ISN'T IT?

526
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:01,886
>> Stephen: IT'S LIKE LIFE
ITSELF, ISN'T IT?
>> IT REALLY IS.

527
00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:03,388
ITSELF, ISN'T IT?
>> IT REALLY IS.
>> Stephen: COULDN'T DO

528
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:03,921
>> IT REALLY IS.
>> Stephen: COULDN'T DO
WITHOUT YOU GUYS.

529
00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:05,923
>> Stephen: COULDN'T DO
WITHOUT YOU GUYS.
YOU'RE THE ONLY REASON WHY WE'RE

530
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:08,760
WITHOUT YOU GUYS.
YOU'RE THE ONLY REASON WHY WE'RE
HERE.

531
00:17:08,762 --> 00:17:09,260
YOU'RE THE ONLY REASON WHY WE'RE
HERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

532
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,295
HERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: PEOPLE REALLY MAKE IT

533
00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:11,529
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: PEOPLE REALLY MAKE IT
HAPPEN.

534
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,964
>> Jon: PEOPLE REALLY MAKE IT
HAPPEN.
>> Stephen: SO SHOULD PROBABLY

535
00:17:12,966 --> 00:17:13,498
HAPPEN.
>> Stephen: SO SHOULD PROBABLY
KEEP DOING IT.

536
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:16,634
>> Stephen: SO SHOULD PROBABLY
KEEP DOING IT.
>> Jon: YEAH, THAT'S IT.

537
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:19,704
KEEP DOING IT.
>> Jon: YEAH, THAT'S IT.
LET'S GET IT

538
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:20,371
>> Jon: YEAH, THAT'S IT.
LET'S GET IT
>> STEPHEN: Y'KNOW, I SPEND A

539
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:21,239
LET'S GET IT
>> STEPHEN: Y'KNOW, I SPEND A
LOT OF TIME HARVESTING THE DAY'S

540
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:21,806
>> STEPHEN: Y'KNOW, I SPEND A
LOT OF TIME HARVESTING THE DAY'S
MOST TOPICAL MATCHA POWDER,

541
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:22,640
LOT OF TIME HARVESTING THE DAY'S
MOST TOPICAL MATCHA POWDER,
CAREFULLY POLISHING THE NEWSIEST

542
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:24,509
MOST TOPICAL MATCHA POWDER,
CAREFULLY POLISHING THE NEWSIEST
CHAWAN TEA BOWL WITH A HEMP

543
00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:25,309
CAREFULLY POLISHING THE NEWSIEST
CHAWAN TEA BOWL WITH A HEMP
CLOTH, THEN ADDING THE PUREST

544
00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:25,943
CHAWAN TEA BOWL WITH A HEMP
CLOTH, THEN ADDING THE PUREST
BOILED WATER COLLECTED FROM THE

545
00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:28,646
CLOTH, THEN ADDING THE PUREST
BOILED WATER COLLECTED FROM THE
RIVER OF STORIES, TO STAGE THE

546
00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:29,480
BOILED WATER COLLECTED FROM THE
RIVER OF STORIES, TO STAGE THE
ELEGANT JAPANESE TEA CEREMONY

547
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:32,784
RIVER OF STORIES, TO STAGE THE
ELEGANT JAPANESE TEA CEREMONY
THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

548
00:17:32,786 --> 00:17:33,484
ELEGANT JAPANESE TEA CEREMONY
THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, I CONVINCE A

549
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:34,619
THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, I CONVINCE A
TRUCK DRIVER TO GIVE ME A RIDE

550
00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:37,488
BUT SOMETIMES, I CONVINCE A
TRUCK DRIVER TO GIVE ME A RIDE
IN EXCHANGE FOR AN UNREGISTERED

551
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,924
TRUCK DRIVER TO GIVE ME A RIDE
IN EXCHANGE FOR AN UNREGISTERED
GUN AND A HALF-EATEN CAN OF

552
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:40,625
IN EXCHANGE FOR AN UNREGISTERED
GUN AND A HALF-EATEN CAN OF
BEANS, HITCHHIKE TO THE SONORA

553
00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:41,492
GUN AND A HALF-EATEN CAN OF
BEANS, HITCHHIKE TO THE SONORA
DESERT WITH NOTHING BUT AN OLD

554
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,327
BEANS, HITCHHIKE TO THE SONORA
DESERT WITH NOTHING BUT AN OLD
POT THAT I FILL WITH THE

555
00:17:43,329 --> 00:17:44,495
DESERT WITH NOTHING BUT AN OLD
POT THAT I FILL WITH THE
NEWSPAPER I'VE BEEN USING FOR A

556
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:45,496
POT THAT I FILL WITH THE
NEWSPAPER I'VE BEEN USING FOR A
BLANKET, AND THE SALVAGED

557
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:50,535
NEWSPAPER I'VE BEEN USING FOR A
BLANKET, AND THE SALVAGED
TOBACCO FROM SIDEWALK CIGARETTE

558
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:51,169
BLANKET, AND THE SALVAGED
TOBACCO FROM SIDEWALK CIGARETTE
BUTT, TO BREW FOR YOU, THE

559
00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:51,803
TOBACCO FROM SIDEWALK CIGARETTE
BUTT, TO BREW FOR YOU, THE
NIGHTMARE HALLUCINATION-INDUCING

560
00:17:51,805 --> 00:17:52,603
BUTT, TO BREW FOR YOU, THE
NIGHTMARE HALLUCINATION-INDUCING
FERMENTED AYAHUASCA SLURRY OF

561
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:53,504
NIGHTMARE HALLUCINATION-INDUCING
FERMENTED AYAHUASCA SLURRY OF
NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:

562
00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:57,508
FERMENTED AYAHUASCA SLURRY OF
NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
(ECHOING)

563
00:17:57,510 --> 00:18:01,512
NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
(ECHOING)
>> MEANWHILE!

564
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:02,013
(ECHOING)
>> MEANWHILE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

565
00:18:02,015 --> 00:18:04,348
>> MEANWHILE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: MEAN WHILE, AGING

566
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:06,918
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: MEAN WHILE, AGING
IS LIKE A FINE WINE, OR A RIPE

567
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,487
>> Stephen: MEAN WHILE, AGING
IS LIKE A FINE WINE, OR A RIPE
CHEESE.

568
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:13,491
IS LIKE A FINE WINE, OR A RIPE
CHEESE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

569
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:16,527
CHEESE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: MEANWHILE, RAPPER

570
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:17,128
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: MEANWHILE, RAPPER
POST MALONE HAS UNVEILED A NEW

571
00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:17,695
>> STEPHEN: MEANWHILE, RAPPER
POST MALONE HAS UNVEILED A NEW
SMILE, COMPLETE WITH DIAMOND

572
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:20,098
POST MALONE HAS UNVEILED A NEW
SMILE, COMPLETE WITH DIAMOND
FANGS.

573
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:20,665
SMILE, COMPLETE WITH DIAMOND
FANGS.
SOUNDS COOL, BUT HE'S GOTTA

574
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:21,499
FANGS.
SOUNDS COOL, BUT HE'S GOTTA
REMEMBER TO GET HIS ANNUAL

575
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:24,135
SOUNDS COOL, BUT HE'S GOTTA
REMEMBER TO GET HIS ANNUAL
CLEANING AT ZALES.

576
00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:24,936
REMEMBER TO GET HIS ANNUAL
CLEANING AT ZALES.
( LAUGHTER )

577
00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:25,503
CLEANING AT ZALES.
( LAUGHTER )
THE NEW CHOMPERS CAME WITH A

578
00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:28,639
( LAUGHTER )
THE NEW CHOMPERS CAME WITH A
PRICE TAG OF $1.6 MILLION.

579
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:32,343
THE NEW CHOMPERS CAME WITH A
PRICE TAG OF $1.6 MILLION.
AND IF YOU'RE SHOCKED BY THAT,

580
00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:33,511
PRICE TAG OF $1.6 MILLION.
AND IF YOU'RE SHOCKED BY THAT,
LEMME ASK: WAS IT THE 'OVER' EYE

581
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:35,680
AND IF YOU'RE SHOCKED BY THAT,
LEMME ASK: WAS IT THE 'OVER' EYE
TATTOOS, OR THE 'UNDER' EYE

582
00:18:35,682 --> 00:18:36,314
LEMME ASK: WAS IT THE 'OVER' EYE
TATTOOS, OR THE 'UNDER' EYE
TATTOOS THAT CONVINCED YOU THIS

583
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:37,482
TATTOOS, OR THE 'UNDER' EYE
TATTOOS THAT CONVINCED YOU THIS
IS A MAN WHO MAKES RESPONSIBLE

584
00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:40,618
TATTOOS THAT CONVINCED YOU THIS
IS A MAN WHO MAKES RESPONSIBLE
CHOICES?

585
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:44,622
IS A MAN WHO MAKES RESPONSIBLE
CHOICES?
( LAUGHTER )

586
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:45,490
CHOICES?
( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, VIDEO IS GOING VIRAL

587
00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:46,290
( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, VIDEO IS GOING VIRAL
OF THIS GLIDER PILOT WHO TOOK A

588
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:46,858
MEANWHILE, VIDEO IS GOING VIRAL
OF THIS GLIDER PILOT WHO TOOK A
SELFIE WHILE FLYING AROUND A

589
00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:49,494
OF THIS GLIDER PILOT WHO TOOK A
SELFIE WHILE FLYING AROUND A
TORNADO.

590
00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:51,829
SELFIE WHILE FLYING AROUND A
TORNADO.
A GREAT LESSON FOR ALL YOU

591
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:52,630
TORNADO.
A GREAT LESSON FOR ALL YOU
ASPIRING PILOTS: IF YOU SEE A

592
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:53,531
A GREAT LESSON FOR ALL YOU
ASPIRING PILOTS: IF YOU SEE A
SWIRLING FUNNEL OF DEATH, BE

593
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:55,633
ASPIRING PILOTS: IF YOU SEE A
SWIRLING FUNNEL OF DEATH, BE
SURE TO GET AS CLOSE AS POSSIBLE

594
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:56,167
SWIRLING FUNNEL OF DEATH, BE
SURE TO GET AS CLOSE AS POSSIBLE
FOR A SELFIE WHILE FLYING

595
00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:57,502
SURE TO GET AS CLOSE AS POSSIBLE
FOR A SELFIE WHILE FLYING
ONE-HANDED IN YOUR TINY, WINGED

596
00:18:57,504 --> 00:19:01,172
FOR A SELFIE WHILE FLYING
ONE-HANDED IN YOUR TINY, WINGED
COFFIN.

597
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:01,506
ONE-HANDED IN YOUR TINY, WINGED
COFFIN.
( LAUGHTER )

598
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:06,277
COFFIN.
( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

599
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:08,946
( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT'S KIND OF COOL.

600
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:09,480
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT'S KIND OF COOL.
KIND OF COOL.

601
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:10,648
THAT'S KIND OF COOL.
KIND OF COOL.
MEANWHILE, SOME TROUBLE IN

602
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,517
KIND OF COOL.
MEANWHILE, SOME TROUBLE IN
FRANCE WHERE IKEA HAS BEEN FINED

603
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:13,484
MEANWHILE, SOME TROUBLE IN
FRANCE WHERE IKEA HAS BEEN FINED
1.1 MILLION EUROS FOR SPYING ON

604
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:16,621
FRANCE WHERE IKEA HAS BEEN FINED
1.1 MILLION EUROS FOR SPYING ON
ITS STAFF.

605
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:17,488
1.1 MILLION EUROS FOR SPYING ON
ITS STAFF.
THE STAFF REALIZED THE COMPANY

606
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,657
ITS STAFF.
THE STAFF REALIZED THE COMPANY
WAS SPYING ON THEM WHEN THE

607
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:20,258
THE STAFF REALIZED THE COMPANY
WAS SPYING ON THEM WHEN THE
STORES HAD THEM ASSEMBLING ITS

608
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,492
WAS SPYING ON THEM WHEN THE
STORES HAD THEM ASSEMBLING ITS
NEWEST PRODUCT: THE

609
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:25,496
STORES HAD THEM ASSEMBLING ITS
NEWEST PRODUCT: THE
PEEPERSLOOKEN.

610
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:29,934
NEWEST PRODUCT: THE
PEEPERSLOOKEN.
( LAUGHTER )

611
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:34,639
PEEPERSLOOKEN.
( LAUGHTER )
EVERYBODY LOVES THAT.

612
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:37,508
( LAUGHTER )
EVERYBODY LOVES THAT.
MEANWHILE, SALMA HAYEK'S OWL

613
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:38,743
EVERYBODY LOVES THAT.
MEANWHILE, SALMA HAYEK'S OWL
COUGHED A RAT HAIRBALL ON HARRY

614
00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:40,645
MEANWHILE, SALMA HAYEK'S OWL
COUGHED A RAT HAIRBALL ON HARRY
STYLES.

615
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:45,483
COUGHED A RAT HAIRBALL ON HARRY
STYLES.
OWL WELL, WE ALL SAW 'THAT'

616
00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:49,020
STYLES.
OWL WELL, WE ALL SAW 'THAT'
COMING.

617
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:49,587
OWL WELL, WE ALL SAW 'THAT'
COMING.
MEANWHILE, THE WORLD'S FIRST

618
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:51,389
COMING.
MEANWHILE, THE WORLD'S FIRST
WOODEN SATELLITE WILL LAUNCH

619
00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:51,756
MEANWHILE, THE WORLD'S FIRST
WOODEN SATELLITE WILL LAUNCH
THIS YEAR.

620
00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:52,623
WOODEN SATELLITE WILL LAUNCH
THIS YEAR.
IT WILL BE THE FIRST SATELLITE

621
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:55,960
THIS YEAR.
IT WILL BE THE FIRST SATELLITE
TO BURN UP ON EXIT.

622
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:56,260
IT WILL BE THE FIRST SATELLITE
TO BURN UP ON EXIT.
( LAUGHTER )

623
00:19:56,262 --> 00:19:57,628
TO BURN UP ON EXIT.
( LAUGHTER )
THEY'RE LAUNCHING IT IN ORDER TO

624
00:19:57,630 --> 00:19:59,931
( LAUGHTER )
THEY'RE LAUNCHING IT IN ORDER TO
TEST THE DURABILITY OF PLYWOOD

625
00:19:59,933 --> 00:20:01,499
THEY'RE LAUNCHING IT IN ORDER TO
TEST THE DURABILITY OF PLYWOOD
PANELS IN THE EXTREME CONDITIONS

626
00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:04,635
TEST THE DURABILITY OF PLYWOOD
PANELS IN THE EXTREME CONDITIONS
OF SPACE.

627
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,470
PANELS IN THE EXTREME CONDITIONS
OF SPACE.
AS THE ONE-TIME OWNER OF SEVERAL

628
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:07,805
OF SPACE.
AS THE ONE-TIME OWNER OF SEVERAL
IKEA ITEMS, I CAN TELL YOU THAT

629
00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:09,106
AS THE ONE-TIME OWNER OF SEVERAL
IKEA ITEMS, I CAN TELL YOU THAT
PLYWOOD PANELS CAN'T EVEN HANDLE

630
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:09,640
IKEA ITEMS, I CAN TELL YOU THAT
PLYWOOD PANELS CAN'T EVEN HANDLE
THE EXTREME CONDITIONS OF

631
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:13,477
PLYWOOD PANELS CAN'T EVEN HANDLE
THE EXTREME CONDITIONS OF
APARTMENT.

632
00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:21,485
THE EXTREME CONDITIONS OF
APARTMENT.
( LAUGHTER )

633
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:25,489
APARTMENT.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )

634
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:27,058
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, SCARY NEWS FOR

635
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:28,292
( APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, SCARY NEWS FOR
PELOTON USERS: A NEW CYBER

636
00:20:28,294 --> 00:20:28,893
MEANWHILE, SCARY NEWS FOR
PELOTON USERS: A NEW CYBER
SECURITY THREAT ANALYSIS FOUND

637
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:31,295
PELOTON USERS: A NEW CYBER
SECURITY THREAT ANALYSIS FOUND
THAT SOME PELOTON MACHINES HAVE

638
00:20:31,297 --> 00:20:33,331
SECURITY THREAT ANALYSIS FOUND
THAT SOME PELOTON MACHINES HAVE
A DANGEROUS FLAW THAT COULD

639
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:33,965
THAT SOME PELOTON MACHINES HAVE
A DANGEROUS FLAW THAT COULD
ENABLE HACKERS TO INVISIBLY AND

640
00:20:33,967 --> 00:20:37,501
A DANGEROUS FLAW THAT COULD
ENABLE HACKERS TO INVISIBLY AND
REMOTELY GAIN CONTROL OF BIKES.

641
00:20:37,503 --> 00:20:40,638
ENABLE HACKERS TO INVISIBLY AND
REMOTELY GAIN CONTROL OF BIKES.
THIS COULD BE BAD.

642
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,407
REMOTELY GAIN CONTROL OF BIKES.
THIS COULD BE BAD.
(AS PELOTON INSTRUCTOR)

643
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:44,275
THIS COULD BE BAD.
(AS PELOTON INSTRUCTOR)
ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS LET'S TAKE

644
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:44,842
(AS PELOTON INSTRUCTOR)
ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS LET'S TAKE
THE RESISTANCE UP TO 35.

645
00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:45,509
ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS LET'S TAKE
THE RESISTANCE UP TO 35.
AND, JUST FOR KICKS, EVERYONE

646
00:20:45,511 --> 00:20:46,544
THE RESISTANCE UP TO 35.
AND, JUST FOR KICKS, EVERYONE
SHOUT THEIR SOCIAL SECURITY

647
00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:46,777
AND, JUST FOR KICKS, EVERYONE
SHOUT THEIR SOCIAL SECURITY
NUMBER.

648
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,146
SHOUT THEIR SOCIAL SECURITY
NUMBER.
MARLENE P, YOU'RE LAGGING,

649
00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:49,780
NUMBER.
MARLENE P, YOU'RE LAGGING,
BETTER GIVE ME YOUR ACCOUNT AND

650
00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:50,681
MARLENE P, YOU'RE LAGGING,
BETTER GIVE ME YOUR ACCOUNT AND
ROUTING NUMBERS TOO.

651
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,650
BETTER GIVE ME YOUR ACCOUNT AND
ROUTING NUMBERS TOO.
WOOHOOO!

652
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:57,188
ROUTING NUMBERS TOO.
WOOHOOO!
DO IT FOR YOU!

653
00:20:57,190 --> 00:20:57,688
WOOHOOO!
DO IT FOR YOU!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

654
00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:59,323
DO IT FOR YOU!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I LOVE IT!

655
00:20:59,325 --> 00:21:04,161
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I LOVE IT!
CRANK IT UP!

656
00:21:04,163 --> 00:21:04,762
I LOVE IT!
CRANK IT UP!
THE BIGGEST CONCERN WITH THIS

657
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:05,496
CRANK IT UP!
THE BIGGEST CONCERN WITH THIS
HACK IS THAT CRIMINALS COULD SPY

658
00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:06,797
THE BIGGEST CONCERN WITH THIS
HACK IS THAT CRIMINALS COULD SPY
ON USERS THROUGH THE BIKE'S

659
00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:08,165
HACK IS THAT CRIMINALS COULD SPY
ON USERS THROUGH THE BIKE'S
CAMERA AND MICROPHONE.

660
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:09,500
ON USERS THROUGH THE BIKE'S
CAMERA AND MICROPHONE.
WELL, I'VE DEVELOPED A

661
00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:10,635
CAMERA AND MICROPHONE.
WELL, I'VE DEVELOPED A
FOOL-PROOF PLAN TO STOP THIS

662
00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:13,504
WELL, I'VE DEVELOPED A
FOOL-PROOF PLAN TO STOP THIS
FROM HAPPENING TO ME: USING MY

663
00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:20,511
FOOL-PROOF PLAN TO STOP THIS
FROM HAPPENING TO ME: USING MY
PELOTON ONLY TO HANG MY PANTS.

664
00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:21,512
FROM HAPPENING TO ME: USING MY
PELOTON ONLY TO HANG MY PANTS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

665
00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:22,647
PELOTON ONLY TO HANG MY PANTS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, TO MARK 4OO YEARS

666
00:21:22,649 --> 00:21:25,449
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, TO MARK 4OO YEARS
SINCE THE ORIGINAL CROSSING

667
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:28,619
MEANWHILE, TO MARK 4OO YEARS
SINCE THE ORIGINAL CROSSING
A ROBOTIC SHIP HAS SET OFF TO

668
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:32,923
SINCE THE ORIGINAL CROSSING
A ROBOTIC SHIP HAS SET OFF TO
RETRACE THE MAYFLOWER'S JOURNEY.

669
00:21:32,925 --> 00:21:33,557
A ROBOTIC SHIP HAS SET OFF TO
RETRACE THE MAYFLOWER'S JOURNEY.
SAID NATIVE AMERICANS: OH, GOOD.

670
00:21:33,559 --> 00:21:34,191
RETRACE THE MAYFLOWER'S JOURNEY.
SAID NATIVE AMERICANS: OH, GOOD.
WE'RE DOING THIS AGAIN, BUT WITH

671
00:21:34,193 --> 00:21:38,229
SAID NATIVE AMERICANS: OH, GOOD.
WE'RE DOING THIS AGAIN, BUT WITH
WIFI.

672
00:21:38,231 --> 00:21:38,529
WE'RE DOING THIS AGAIN, BUT WITH
WIFI.
( LAUGHTER )

673
00:21:38,531 --> 00:21:40,464
WIFI.
( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, OLYMPIC TRIALS ARE

674
00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:41,065
( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, OLYMPIC TRIALS ARE
TAKING PLACE RIGHT NOW FOR THE

675
00:21:41,067 --> 00:21:42,099
MEANWHILE, OLYMPIC TRIALS ARE
TAKING PLACE RIGHT NOW FOR THE
US NATIONAL SWIM TEAM, AND

676
00:21:42,101 --> 00:21:45,503
TAKING PLACE RIGHT NOW FOR THE
US NATIONAL SWIM TEAM, AND
SWIMMER SIERRA SCHMIDT HAS GONE

677
00:21:45,505 --> 00:21:49,040
US NATIONAL SWIM TEAM, AND
SWIMMER SIERRA SCHMIDT HAS GONE
VIRAL FOR HER SUPER

678
00:21:49,042 --> 00:21:49,573
SWIMMER SIERRA SCHMIDT HAS GONE
VIRAL FOR HER SUPER
ENTHUSIASTIC AND ELABORATE

679
00:21:49,575 --> 00:21:52,643
VIRAL FOR HER SUPER
ENTHUSIASTIC AND ELABORATE
PRERACE WARMUP ROUTINE TO

680
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:54,845
ENTHUSIASTIC AND ELABORATE
PRERACE WARMUP ROUTINE TO
WHATEVER IS IN HER HEADPHONES.

681
00:21:54,847 --> 00:21:57,481
PRERACE WARMUP ROUTINE TO
WHATEVER IS IN HER HEADPHONES.
GO GIRL!

682
00:21:57,483 --> 00:21:58,115
WHATEVER IS IN HER HEADPHONES.
GO GIRL!
WARM UP LIKE NOBODY'S WATCHING!

683
00:21:58,117 --> 00:21:58,416
GO GIRL!
WARM UP LIKE NOBODY'S WATCHING!
( LAUGHTER )

684
00:21:58,418 --> 00:22:00,284
WARM UP LIKE NOBODY'S WATCHING!
( LAUGHTER )
WARMUPS GENERALLY INVOLVE THE

685
00:22:00,286 --> 00:22:00,885
( LAUGHTER )
WARMUPS GENERALLY INVOLVE THE
SAME MOVEMENTS THE SPORT USES.

686
00:22:00,887 --> 00:22:01,519
WARMUPS GENERALLY INVOLVE THE
SAME MOVEMENTS THE SPORT USES.
SO I REALLY HOPE THAT'S NOT HOW

687
00:22:01,521 --> 00:22:04,221
SAME MOVEMENTS THE SPORT USES.
SO I REALLY HOPE THAT'S NOT HOW
SHE ACTUALLY SWIMS.

688
00:22:04,223 --> 00:22:04,522
SO I REALLY HOPE THAT'S NOT HOW
SHE ACTUALLY SWIMS.
( LAUGHTER )

689
00:22:04,524 --> 00:22:05,423
SHE ACTUALLY SWIMS.
( LAUGHTER )
(AS SPORTS COMMENTATOR)

690
00:22:05,425 --> 00:22:06,057
( LAUGHTER )
(AS SPORTS COMMENTATOR)
WELL, CHIP, SHE MAY HAVE COME IN

691
00:22:06,059 --> 00:22:07,525
(AS SPORTS COMMENTATOR)
WELL, CHIP, SHE MAY HAVE COME IN
LAST BUT YOU GOTTA ADMIT, THAT

692
00:22:07,527 --> 00:22:09,493
WELL, CHIP, SHE MAY HAVE COME IN
LAST BUT YOU GOTTA ADMIT, THAT
WAS THE JAZZIEST DROWNING IN

693
00:22:09,495 --> 00:22:16,634
LAST BUT YOU GOTTA ADMIT, THAT
WAS THE JAZZIEST DROWNING IN
OLYMPIC HISTORY.

694
00:22:16,636 --> 00:22:17,301
WAS THE JAZZIEST DROWNING IN
OLYMPIC HISTORY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

695
00:22:17,303 --> 00:22:18,969
OLYMPIC HISTORY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: I LOVE IT.

696
00:22:18,971 --> 00:22:20,905
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT.

697
00:22:20,907 --> 00:22:21,505
>> Stephen: I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT.
MEANWHILE, THERE'S A NEW

698
00:22:21,507 --> 00:22:22,640
I LOVE IT.
MEANWHILE, THERE'S A NEW
VIRAL TIKTOK HACK THAT HELPS YOU

699
00:22:22,642 --> 00:22:25,476
MEANWHILE, THERE'S A NEW
VIRAL TIKTOK HACK THAT HELPS YOU
EVENLY BUTTER YOUR MOVIE THEATER

700
00:22:25,478 --> 00:22:28,646
VIRAL TIKTOK HACK THAT HELPS YOU
EVENLY BUTTER YOUR MOVIE THEATER
POPCORN USING A STRAW.

701
00:22:28,648 --> 00:22:29,513
EVENLY BUTTER YOUR MOVIE THEATER
POPCORN USING A STRAW.
I'VE GOT AN EVEN BETTER HACK: IF

702
00:22:29,515 --> 00:22:32,350
POPCORN USING A STRAW.
I'VE GOT AN EVEN BETTER HACK: IF
YOU HAVE MELTED BUTTER AND A

703
00:22:32,352 --> 00:22:32,983
I'VE GOT AN EVEN BETTER HACK: IF
YOU HAVE MELTED BUTTER AND A
STRAW --

704
00:22:32,985 --> 00:22:33,484
YOU HAVE MELTED BUTTER AND A
STRAW --
(WHISPERS)

705
00:22:33,486 --> 00:22:36,887
STRAW --
(WHISPERS)
YOU DON'T NEED THE POPCORN.

706
00:22:36,889 --> 00:22:37,521
(WHISPERS)
YOU DON'T NEED THE POPCORN.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH NATHAN

707
00:22:37,523 --> 00:22:39,190
YOU DON'T NEED THE POPCORN.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH NATHAN
LANE.

708
00:22:39,192 --> 00:22:39,290
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH NATHAN
LANE.
(

709
00:22:47,966 --> 00:22:54,004
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

710
00:22:54,006 --> 00:22:55,573
♪♪♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!

711
00:22:55,575 --> 00:23:04,915
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

712
00:23:04,917 --> 00:23:05,416
WELCOME BACK!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ABSOLUTELY LOVELY!

713
00:23:05,418 --> 00:23:09,720
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ABSOLUTELY LOVELY!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST

714
00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:10,020
ABSOLUTELY LOVELY!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST
TONIGHT --

715
00:23:10,022 --> 00:23:10,354
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST
TONIGHT --
( CHANTING )

716
00:23:10,356 --> 00:23:12,022
TONIGHT --
( CHANTING )
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.

717
00:23:12,024 --> 00:23:13,591
( CHANTING )
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.

718
00:23:13,593 --> 00:23:15,960
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

719
00:23:15,962 --> 00:23:16,594
PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A THREE-TIME

720
00:23:16,596 --> 00:23:17,194
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A THREE-TIME
TONY AWARD WINNER AND A LIVING

721
00:23:17,196 --> 00:23:17,762
MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A THREE-TIME
TONY AWARD WINNER AND A LIVING
LEGEND OF BROADWAY.

722
00:23:17,764 --> 00:23:18,396
TONY AWARD WINNER AND A LIVING
LEGEND OF BROADWAY.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE

723
00:23:18,398 --> 00:23:19,997
LEGEND OF BROADWAY.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE
SHOW, NATHAN LANE.

724
00:23:19,999 --> 00:23:22,366
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE
SHOW, NATHAN LANE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

725
00:23:22,368 --> 00:23:38,549
SHOW, NATHAN LANE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪♪

726
00:24:01,106 --> 00:24:09,880
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> PLEASE, D -- DON'T -- STOP!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

727
00:24:09,882 --> 00:24:10,948
>> PLEASE, D -- DON'T -- STOP!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: MAESTRO, IT'S

728
00:24:10,950 --> 00:24:12,616
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: MAESTRO, IT'S
LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

729
00:24:12,618 --> 00:24:13,818
>> Stephen: MAESTRO, IT'S
LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> IT'S LOVELY TO SEE YOU.

730
00:24:13,820 --> 00:24:15,119
LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> IT'S LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
I HAVE TO SIT DOWN SLOWLY.

731
00:24:15,121 --> 00:24:16,587
>> IT'S LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
I HAVE TO SIT DOWN SLOWLY.
I HAVE A LITTLE PANDEMIC WEIGHT.

732
00:24:16,589 --> 00:24:18,289
I HAVE TO SIT DOWN SLOWLY.
I HAVE A LITTLE PANDEMIC WEIGHT.
OR I HAD TO STOP SAYING THAT.

733
00:24:18,291 --> 00:24:21,725
I HAVE A LITTLE PANDEMIC WEIGHT.
OR I HAD TO STOP SAYING THAT.
NOW I JUST TELL PEOPLE I'M DOING

734
00:24:21,727 --> 00:24:25,563
OR I HAD TO STOP SAYING THAT.
NOW I JUST TELL PEOPLE I'M DOING
THE CHRIS CHRISTIE STORY FOR

735
00:24:25,565 --> 00:24:26,363
NOW I JUST TELL PEOPLE I'M DOING
THE CHRIS CHRISTIE STORY FOR
LIFETIME.

736
00:24:26,365 --> 00:24:28,632
THE CHRIS CHRISTIE STORY FOR
LIFETIME.
AND THEY'RE ALL VERY IMPRESSED.

737
00:24:28,634 --> 00:24:30,801
LIFETIME.
AND THEY'RE ALL VERY IMPRESSED.
LOOK, LET'S JUST TALK YOU AND

738
00:24:30,803 --> 00:24:30,968
AND THEY'RE ALL VERY IMPRESSED.
LOOK, LET'S JUST TALK YOU AND
ME.

739
00:24:30,970 --> 00:24:34,171
LOOK, LET'S JUST TALK YOU AND
ME.
>> Stephen: SURE.

740
00:24:34,173 --> 00:24:35,806
ME.
>> Stephen: SURE.
I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU FOR

741
00:24:35,808 --> 00:24:37,575
>> Stephen: SURE.
I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU FOR
HAVING ME ON YOUR FIRST WEEK

742
00:24:37,577 --> 00:24:39,643
I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU FOR
HAVING ME ON YOUR FIRST WEEK
BACK.

743
00:24:39,645 --> 00:24:40,077
HAVING ME ON YOUR FIRST WEEK
BACK.
IT'S A GREAT HONOR.

744
00:24:40,079 --> 00:24:41,812
BACK.
IT'S A GREAT HONOR.
>> Stephen: IT'S AN HONOR FOR

745
00:24:41,814 --> 00:24:43,280
IT'S A GREAT HONOR.
>> Stephen: IT'S AN HONOR FOR
US TO HAVE ONE OF THE JEWELS IN

746
00:24:43,282 --> 00:24:46,917
>> Stephen: IT'S AN HONOR FOR
US TO HAVE ONE OF THE JEWELS IN
THE CROWN OF BROADWAY ON.

747
00:24:46,919 --> 00:24:48,953
US TO HAVE ONE OF THE JEWELS IN
THE CROWN OF BROADWAY ON.
>> I WAS SO TOUCHED THAT YOU

748
00:24:48,955 --> 00:24:49,386
THE CROWN OF BROADWAY ON.
>> I WAS SO TOUCHED THAT YOU
ASKED PERSONALLY.

749
00:24:49,388 --> 00:24:50,788
>> I WAS SO TOUCHED THAT YOU
ASKED PERSONALLY.
I DON'T KNOW IF GEORGE CLOONEY

750
00:24:50,790 --> 00:24:52,656
ASKED PERSONALLY.
I DON'T KNOW IF GEORGE CLOONEY
FELL OUT OR WHATEVER HAPPENED,

751
00:24:52,658 --> 00:24:55,559
I DON'T KNOW IF GEORGE CLOONEY
FELL OUT OR WHATEVER HAPPENED,
BUT I'M HERE AND I'M SO

752
00:24:55,561 --> 00:24:55,826
FELL OUT OR WHATEVER HAPPENED,
BUT I'M HERE AND I'M SO
DELIGHTED.

753
00:24:55,828 --> 00:24:57,127
BUT I'M HERE AND I'M SO
DELIGHTED.
AND IT'S SO NICE TO HAVE YOU

754
00:24:57,129 --> 00:24:59,597
DELIGHTED.
AND IT'S SO NICE TO HAVE YOU
BACK WHERE YOU BELONG.

755
00:24:59,599 --> 00:25:00,097
AND IT'S SO NICE TO HAVE YOU
BACK WHERE YOU BELONG.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

756
00:25:00,099 --> 00:25:02,366
BACK WHERE YOU BELONG.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: OH, THANK YOU.

757
00:25:02,368 --> 00:25:04,869
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: OH, THANK YOU.
AND OUT OF THE -- OUT OF THAT

758
00:25:04,871 --> 00:25:09,473
>> Stephen: OH, THANK YOU.
AND OUT OF THE -- OUT OF THAT
SAD LITTLE PANELED REC ROOM,

759
00:25:09,475 --> 00:25:11,308
AND OUT OF THE -- OUT OF THAT
SAD LITTLE PANELED REC ROOM,
THAT GRIZZLY ADAMS SUBLET, IT

760
00:25:11,310 --> 00:25:18,048
SAD LITTLE PANELED REC ROOM,
THAT GRIZZLY ADAMS SUBLET, IT
LOOKED LIKE THE UNABOMBER'S COZY

761
00:25:18,050 --> 00:25:18,349
THAT GRIZZLY ADAMS SUBLET, IT
LOOKED LIKE THE UNABOMBER'S COZY
GETAWAY.

762
00:25:18,351 --> 00:25:18,716
LOOKED LIKE THE UNABOMBER'S COZY
GETAWAY.
( LAUGHTER )

763
00:25:18,718 --> 00:25:20,618
GETAWAY.
( LAUGHTER )
BUT YOU -- YOU KNOW, THE HIGH

764
00:25:20,620 --> 00:25:22,353
( LAUGHTER )
BUT YOU -- YOU KNOW, THE HIGH
LIGHT OF THAT, YOU, OF COURSE,

765
00:25:22,355 --> 00:25:24,421
BUT YOU -- YOU KNOW, THE HIGH
LIGHT OF THAT, YOU, OF COURSE,
WAS KEEPING THE COMEDY LIGHT IN

766
00:25:24,423 --> 00:25:27,625
LIGHT OF THAT, YOU, OF COURSE,
WAS KEEPING THE COMEDY LIGHT IN
THE WINDOW FOR ALL OF US AS

767
00:25:27,627 --> 00:25:31,562
WAS KEEPING THE COMEDY LIGHT IN
THE WINDOW FOR ALL OF US AS
DEMOCRACY GOES DOWN THE DRAIN.

768
00:25:31,564 --> 00:25:34,765
THE WINDOW FOR ALL OF US AS
DEMOCRACY GOES DOWN THE DRAIN.
BUT THE HIGH LIGHT, REALLY, WAS

769
00:25:34,767 --> 00:25:37,434
DEMOCRACY GOES DOWN THE DRAIN.
BUT THE HIGH LIGHT, REALLY, WAS
YOUR BEAUTIFUL, LOVELY, ADORABLE

770
00:25:37,436 --> 00:25:38,002
BUT THE HIGH LIGHT, REALLY, WAS
YOUR BEAUTIFUL, LOVELY, ADORABLE
WIFE EVIE.

771
00:25:38,004 --> 00:25:41,505
YOUR BEAUTIFUL, LOVELY, ADORABLE
WIFE EVIE.
>> Stephen: I COMPLETELY

772
00:25:41,507 --> 00:25:41,705
WIFE EVIE.
>> Stephen: I COMPLETELY
AGREE.

773
00:25:41,707 --> 00:25:42,339
>> Stephen: I COMPLETELY
AGREE.
I COMPLETELY AGREE.

774
00:25:42,341 --> 00:25:43,440
AGREE.
I COMPLETELY AGREE.
WHAT A DEAR.

775
00:25:43,442 --> 00:25:44,441
I COMPLETELY AGREE.
WHAT A DEAR.
>> TRAPPED IN THAT LITTLE ROOM,

776
00:25:44,443 --> 00:25:47,411
WHAT A DEAR.
>> TRAPPED IN THAT LITTLE ROOM,
IT WAS LIKE A HEART WARMING

777
00:25:47,413 --> 00:25:49,146
>> TRAPPED IN THAT LITTLE ROOM,
IT WAS LIKE A HEART WARMING
HOSTAGE VIDEO WHERE YOU KEPT

778
00:25:49,148 --> 00:25:50,047
IT WAS LIKE A HEART WARMING
HOSTAGE VIDEO WHERE YOU KEPT
TALKING AND TALKING AND YOU

779
00:25:50,049 --> 00:25:51,815
HOSTAGE VIDEO WHERE YOU KEPT
TALKING AND TALKING AND YOU
COULD HEAR HER LAUGHING IN THE

780
00:25:51,817 --> 00:25:52,316
TALKING AND TALKING AND YOU
COULD HEAR HER LAUGHING IN THE
BACKGROUND.

781
00:25:52,318 --> 00:25:53,817
COULD HEAR HER LAUGHING IN THE
BACKGROUND.
AND I SAID, THAT IS TRUE LOVE.

782
00:25:53,819 --> 00:25:56,086
BACKGROUND.
AND I SAID, THAT IS TRUE LOVE.
THAT IS TRUE LOVE, AND IT

783
00:25:56,088 --> 00:25:57,788
AND I SAID, THAT IS TRUE LOVE.
THAT IS TRUE LOVE, AND IT
REMINDS ME OF PEOPLE LIKE US

784
00:25:57,790 --> 00:25:59,690
THAT IS TRUE LOVE, AND IT
REMINDS ME OF PEOPLE LIKE US
NEED THE PERSON WHO GETS THE

785
00:25:59,692 --> 00:25:59,890
REMINDS ME OF PEOPLE LIKE US
NEED THE PERSON WHO GETS THE
JOKE.

786
00:25:59,892 --> 00:26:00,291
NEED THE PERSON WHO GETS THE
JOKE.
>> Stephen: SURE.

787
00:26:00,293 --> 00:26:02,359
JOKE.
>> Stephen: SURE.
I WAS REMINDED TO HAVE THE

788
00:26:02,361 --> 00:26:04,194
>> Stephen: SURE.
I WAS REMINDED TO HAVE THE
GREAT ANNE BANCROFT WHO SAID THE

789
00:26:04,196 --> 00:26:05,963
I WAS REMINDED TO HAVE THE
GREAT ANNE BANCROFT WHO SAID THE
BEST THING ABOUT MEL BROOKS

790
00:26:05,965 --> 00:26:08,032
GREAT ANNE BANCROFT WHO SAID THE
BEST THING ABOUT MEL BROOKS
WHICH WAS, YOU KNOW WE'RE LIKE

791
00:26:08,034 --> 00:26:10,367
BEST THING ABOUT MEL BROOKS
WHICH WAS, YOU KNOW WE'RE LIKE
ANY OTHER COUPLE, WE'VE HAD OUR

792
00:26:10,369 --> 00:26:12,069
WHICH WAS, YOU KNOW WE'RE LIKE
ANY OTHER COUPLE, WE'VE HAD OUR
UPS AND DOWNS, BUT EVERY TIME I

793
00:26:12,071 --> 00:26:14,338
ANY OTHER COUPLE, WE'VE HAD OUR
UPS AND DOWNS, BUT EVERY TIME I
HEAR THE KEY IN THE DOOR, I KNOW

794
00:26:14,340 --> 00:26:20,711
UPS AND DOWNS, BUT EVERY TIME I
HEAR THE KEY IN THE DOOR, I KNOW
THE PARTY'S ABOUT TO START.

795
00:26:20,713 --> 00:26:23,948
HEAR THE KEY IN THE DOOR, I KNOW
THE PARTY'S ABOUT TO START.
A LESSON FOR US ALL.

796
00:26:23,950 --> 00:26:25,049
THE PARTY'S ABOUT TO START.
A LESSON FOR US ALL.
( APPLAUSE )

797
00:26:25,051 --> 00:26:25,783
A LESSON FOR US ALL.
( APPLAUSE )
LET ME CONGRATULATE THE GREAT

798
00:26:25,785 --> 00:26:29,954
( APPLAUSE )
LET ME CONGRATULATE THE GREAT
JON BATISTE ON HIS OSCAR!

799
00:26:29,956 --> 00:26:30,454
LET ME CONGRATULATE THE GREAT
JON BATISTE ON HIS OSCAR!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

800
00:26:30,456 --> 00:26:32,323
JON BATISTE ON HIS OSCAR!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: YES!

801
00:26:32,325 --> 00:26:34,024
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: YES!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

802
00:26:34,026 --> 00:26:35,826
>> Jon: YES!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
>> ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES OF

803
00:26:35,828 --> 00:26:38,362
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
>> ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES OF
LAST YEAR, I WAS A LITTLE

804
00:26:38,364 --> 00:26:40,564
>> ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES OF
LAST YEAR, I WAS A LITTLE
WRRIED FOR "SOUL" BECAUSE I

805
00:26:40,566 --> 00:26:42,366
LAST YEAR, I WAS A LITTLE
WRRIED FOR "SOUL" BECAUSE I
THOUGHT IT WAS PERHAPS A TAD MET

806
00:26:42,368 --> 00:26:46,236
WRRIED FOR "SOUL" BECAUSE I
THOUGHT IT WAS PERHAPS A TAD MET
PHYSICALLY FOR THE PIXAR HEAVY

807
00:26:46,238 --> 00:26:46,904
THOUGHT IT WAS PERHAPS A TAD MET
PHYSICALLY FOR THE PIXAR HEAVY
PRE-SCHOOL CROWD.

808
00:26:46,906 --> 00:26:49,306
PHYSICALLY FOR THE PIXAR HEAVY
PRE-SCHOOL CROWD.
BUT I THOUGHT, NO, THE TODDLERS

809
00:26:49,308 --> 00:26:51,375
PRE-SCHOOL CROWD.
BUT I THOUGHT, NO, THE TODDLERS
SHOULD LEARN EARLY THAT LIFE IS

810
00:26:51,377 --> 00:26:53,377
BUT I THOUGHT, NO, THE TODDLERS
SHOULD LEARN EARLY THAT LIFE IS
FRAGILE AND COULD ALL BE OVER IN

811
00:26:53,379 --> 00:26:54,345
SHOULD LEARN EARLY THAT LIFE IS
FRAGILE AND COULD ALL BE OVER IN
A PARTY BEAT!

812
00:26:54,347 --> 00:26:54,778
FRAGILE AND COULD ALL BE OVER IN
A PARTY BEAT!
( LAUGHTER )

813
00:26:54,780 --> 00:26:57,114
A PARTY BEAT!
( LAUGHTER )
BELIEVE ME, I KNOW FROM

814
00:26:57,116 --> 00:26:58,983
( LAUGHTER )
BELIEVE ME, I KNOW FROM
EXPERIENCE BECAUSE I MYSELF WAS

815
00:26:58,985 --> 00:27:00,718
BELIEVE ME, I KNOW FROM
EXPERIENCE BECAUSE I MYSELF WAS
DECLARED LEGALLY DEAD FOR A YEAR

816
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:07,591
EXPERIENCE BECAUSE I MYSELF WAS
DECLARED LEGALLY DEAD FOR A YEAR
WHILE DOING THE ADDAMS FAMILY

817
00:27:07,593 --> 00:27:08,626
DECLARED LEGALLY DEAD FOR A YEAR
WHILE DOING THE ADDAMS FAMILY
MUSICAL.

818
00:27:08,628 --> 00:27:09,126
WHILE DOING THE ADDAMS FAMILY
MUSICAL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

819
00:27:09,128 --> 00:27:10,361
MUSICAL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK IN THE ED

820
00:27:10,363 --> 00:27:11,228
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK IN THE ED
SULLIVAN THEATER.

821
00:27:11,230 --> 00:27:15,232
IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK IN THE ED
SULLIVAN THEATER.
>> Stephen: ISN'T IT THOUGH!

822
00:27:15,234 --> 00:27:17,301
SULLIVAN THEATER.
>> Stephen: ISN'T IT THOUGH!
JEWEL IN THE CROWN OF BROADWAY,

823
00:27:17,303 --> 00:27:20,437
>> Stephen: ISN'T IT THOUGH!
JEWEL IN THE CROWN OF BROADWAY,
WHAT'S IT FEEL LIKE TO BE ON A

824
00:27:20,439 --> 00:27:22,339
JEWEL IN THE CROWN OF BROADWAY,
WHAT'S IT FEEL LIKE TO BE ON A
BROADWAY STAGE FOR THE FIRST

825
00:27:22,341 --> 00:27:25,075
WHAT'S IT FEEL LIKE TO BE ON A
BROADWAY STAGE FOR THE FIRST
TIME IN FOREVER, 400 PEOPLE HERE

826
00:27:25,077 --> 00:27:30,347
BROADWAY STAGE FOR THE FIRST
TIME IN FOREVER, 400 PEOPLE HERE
IN THIS BEAUTIFUL THEATER?

827
00:27:30,349 --> 00:27:30,914
TIME IN FOREVER, 400 PEOPLE HERE
IN THIS BEAUTIFUL THEATER?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

828
00:27:30,916 --> 00:27:32,683
IN THIS BEAUTIFUL THEATER?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT,

829
00:27:32,685 --> 00:27:35,719
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT,
THE HUMAN CONNECTION.

830
00:27:35,721 --> 00:27:36,954
>> THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT,
THE HUMAN CONNECTION.
IT'S A THRILL TO BE BACK.

831
00:27:36,956 --> 00:27:41,125
THE HUMAN CONNECTION.
IT'S A THRILL TO BE BACK.
I FEEL LIKE THE MIGHTY AND HORNY

832
00:27:41,127 --> 00:27:43,494
IT'S A THRILL TO BE BACK.
I FEEL LIKE THE MIGHTY AND HORNY
CICADA WHO HAS EMERGED FROM

833
00:27:43,496 --> 00:27:45,496
I FEEL LIKE THE MIGHTY AND HORNY
CICADA WHO HAS EMERGED FROM
QUARANTINE AND I'M JUST LOOKING

834
00:27:45,498 --> 00:27:49,600
CICADA WHO HAS EMERGED FROM
QUARANTINE AND I'M JUST LOOKING
FOR A GOOD TIME!

835
00:27:49,602 --> 00:27:50,968
QUARANTINE AND I'M JUST LOOKING
FOR A GOOD TIME!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

836
00:27:50,970 --> 00:27:52,569
FOR A GOOD TIME!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> BUT I STILL GET NERVOUS.

837
00:27:52,571 --> 00:27:54,238
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> BUT I STILL GET NERVOUS.
I STILL GET THE BUTTERFLIES.

838
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:56,774
>> BUT I STILL GET NERVOUS.
I STILL GET THE BUTTERFLIES.
YOU KNOW THE OLD ADAGE OF IF

839
00:27:56,776 --> 00:27:58,342
I STILL GET THE BUTTERFLIES.
YOU KNOW THE OLD ADAGE OF IF
YOU'RE AFRAID TO GO IN FRONT OF

840
00:27:58,344 --> 00:28:00,711
YOU KNOW THE OLD ADAGE OF IF
YOU'RE AFRAID TO GO IN FRONT OF
A LARGE GROUP OF PEOPLE JUST

841
00:28:00,713 --> 00:28:02,346
YOU'RE AFRAID TO GO IN FRONT OF
A LARGE GROUP OF PEOPLE JUST
IMAGINE THEM ALL NAKED?

842
00:28:02,348 --> 00:28:04,815
A LARGE GROUP OF PEOPLE JUST
IMAGINE THEM ALL NAKED?
>> Stephen: YES.

843
00:28:04,817 --> 00:28:05,115
IMAGINE THEM ALL NAKED?
>> Stephen: YES.
( CHEERING )

844
00:28:05,117 --> 00:28:06,283
>> Stephen: YES.
( CHEERING )
>> THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO DO.

845
00:28:06,285 --> 00:28:08,352
( CHEERING )
>> THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO DO.
THEN I LIKE TO IMAGINE THEM ALL

846
00:28:08,354 --> 00:28:10,954
>> THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO DO.
THEN I LIKE TO IMAGINE THEM ALL
TAKING A LONG, HOT, STEAMY

847
00:28:10,956 --> 00:28:12,990
THEN I LIKE TO IMAGINE THEM ALL
TAKING A LONG, HOT, STEAMY
SHOWER AND TRYING TO CLEAN THOSE

848
00:28:12,992 --> 00:28:17,327
TAKING A LONG, HOT, STEAMY
SHOWER AND TRYING TO CLEAN THOSE
HARD TO REACH PLACES.

849
00:28:17,329 --> 00:28:17,795
SHOWER AND TRYING TO CLEAN THOSE
HARD TO REACH PLACES.
( LAUGHTER )

850
00:28:17,797 --> 00:28:21,031
HARD TO REACH PLACES.
( LAUGHTER )
SLOWLY TOWELING OFF, BLOW DRYING

851
00:28:21,033 --> 00:28:23,300
( LAUGHTER )
SLOWLY TOWELING OFF, BLOW DRYING
THEIR HAIR AND GETTING BACK INTO

852
00:28:23,302 --> 00:28:25,169
SLOWLY TOWELING OFF, BLOW DRYING
THEIR HAIR AND GETTING BACK INTO
THEIR TIGHT-FITTING CLOTHING.

853
00:28:25,171 --> 00:28:26,370
THEIR HAIR AND GETTING BACK INTO
THEIR TIGHT-FITTING CLOTHING.
THEN I IMAGINE THEM PICKING UP

854
00:28:26,372 --> 00:28:28,605
THEIR TIGHT-FITTING CLOTHING.
THEN I IMAGINE THEM PICKING UP
THE CASH ON THE DRESSER THAT I

855
00:28:28,607 --> 00:28:31,575
THEN I IMAGINE THEM PICKING UP
THE CASH ON THE DRESSER THAT I
LEFT FOR THEM.

856
00:28:31,577 --> 00:28:32,810
THE CASH ON THE DRESSER THAT I
LEFT FOR THEM.
( LAUGHTER )

857
00:28:32,812 --> 00:28:33,110
LEFT FOR THEM.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )

858
00:28:33,112 --> 00:28:34,344
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
>> THAT'S HOW I DO IT.

859
00:28:34,346 --> 00:28:36,480
( APPLAUSE )
>> THAT'S HOW I DO IT.
YOU KNOW, LOOK, THIS IS AN

860
00:28:36,482 --> 00:28:38,682
>> THAT'S HOW I DO IT.
YOU KNOW, LOOK, THIS IS AN
AUDIENCE LIKE THIS, IT'S MADE ME

861
00:28:38,684 --> 00:28:40,551
YOU KNOW, LOOK, THIS IS AN
AUDIENCE LIKE THIS, IT'S MADE ME
FORGET THE PANDEMIC.

862
00:28:40,553 --> 00:28:41,051
AUDIENCE LIKE THIS, IT'S MADE ME
FORGET THE PANDEMIC.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

863
00:28:41,053 --> 00:28:41,985
FORGET THE PANDEMIC.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: ISN'T IT

864
00:28:41,987 --> 00:28:46,090
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: ISN'T IT
INTERESTING HOW QUICKLY YOU CAN

865
00:28:46,092 --> 00:28:46,356
>> Stephen: ISN'T IT
INTERESTING HOW QUICKLY YOU CAN
TOTALLY --

866
00:28:46,358 --> 00:28:48,592
INTERESTING HOW QUICKLY YOU CAN
TOTALLY --
>> NO, THANK GOD THE WORST IS

867
00:28:48,594 --> 00:28:50,194
TOTALLY --
>> NO, THANK GOD THE WORST IS
OVER AND FINALLY BEING A SHUT-IN

868
00:28:50,196 --> 00:28:52,663
>> NO, THANK GOD THE WORST IS
OVER AND FINALLY BEING A SHUT-IN
WITH A MOOD DISORDER MEANS

869
00:28:52,665 --> 00:28:53,397
OVER AND FINALLY BEING A SHUT-IN
WITH A MOOD DISORDER MEANS
SOMETHING AGAIN.

870
00:28:53,399 --> 00:28:55,599
WITH A MOOD DISORDER MEANS
SOMETHING AGAIN.
NOW I CAN BE DEAD INSIDE

871
00:28:55,601 --> 00:28:57,701
SOMETHING AGAIN.
NOW I CAN BE DEAD INSIDE
OUTSIDE, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M

872
00:28:57,703 --> 00:28:57,935
NOW I CAN BE DEAD INSIDE
OUTSIDE, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
SAYING?

873
00:28:57,937 --> 00:28:58,969
OUTSIDE, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
SAYING?
>> Stephen: I DO KNOW WHAT

874
00:28:58,971 --> 00:28:59,403
SAYING?
>> Stephen: I DO KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING.

875
00:28:59,405 --> 00:29:04,775
>> Stephen: I DO KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING!

876
00:29:04,777 --> 00:29:06,376
YOU'RE SAYING.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING!
>> Stephen: NOW, OKAY, AND

877
00:29:06,378 --> 00:29:08,245
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING!
>> Stephen: NOW, OKAY, AND
THIS ISN'T ANY OLD BROADWAY

878
00:29:08,247 --> 00:29:10,347
>> Stephen: NOW, OKAY, AND
THIS ISN'T ANY OLD BROADWAY
HOUSE, THIS IS THE ED SULLIVAN

879
00:29:10,349 --> 00:29:11,148
THIS ISN'T ANY OLD BROADWAY
HOUSE, THIS IS THE ED SULLIVAN
THEATER.

880
00:29:11,150 --> 00:29:11,381
HOUSE, THIS IS THE ED SULLIVAN
THEATER.
>> YES.

881
00:29:11,383 --> 00:29:13,584
THEATER.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: ORIGINALLY

882
00:29:13,586 --> 00:29:15,753
>> YES.
>> Stephen: ORIGINALLY
HAMMERSTEIN BACK IN 1927.

883
00:29:15,755 --> 00:29:16,553
>> Stephen: ORIGINALLY
HAMMERSTEIN BACK IN 1927.
DO YOU HAVE ANY CONNECTION WITH

884
00:29:16,555 --> 00:29:19,256
HAMMERSTEIN BACK IN 1927.
DO YOU HAVE ANY CONNECTION WITH
THIS THEATER, MEMORIES OF THIS

885
00:29:19,258 --> 00:29:19,556
DO YOU HAVE ANY CONNECTION WITH
THIS THEATER, MEMORIES OF THIS
PLACE?

886
00:29:19,558 --> 00:29:19,890
THIS THEATER, MEMORIES OF THIS
PLACE?
>> CERTAINLY.

887
00:29:19,892 --> 00:29:23,193
PLACE?
>> CERTAINLY.
WELL, AS A DID I GREW UP

888
00:29:23,195 --> 00:29:25,429
>> CERTAINLY.
WELL, AS A DID I GREW UP
WATCHING THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW.

889
00:29:25,431 --> 00:29:27,431
WELL, AS A DID I GREW UP
WATCHING THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW.
DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER ED

890
00:29:27,433 --> 00:29:27,698
WATCHING THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW.
DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER ED
SULLIVAN?

891
00:29:27,700 --> 00:29:28,298
DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER ED
SULLIVAN?
( APPLAUSE )

892
00:29:28,300 --> 00:29:29,933
SULLIVAN?
( APPLAUSE )
BECAUSE ED WAS A UNIQUE

893
00:29:29,935 --> 00:29:31,568
( APPLAUSE )
BECAUSE ED WAS A UNIQUE
PERSONALITY, AND I USE THE WORD

894
00:29:31,570 --> 00:29:32,736
BECAUSE ED WAS A UNIQUE
PERSONALITY, AND I USE THE WORD
PERSONALITY LOOSELY.

895
00:29:32,738 --> 00:29:35,239
PERSONALITY, AND I USE THE WORD
PERSONALITY LOOSELY.
HE WAS SORT OF FAMOUS FOR BEING

896
00:29:35,241 --> 00:29:35,839
PERSONALITY LOOSELY.
HE WAS SORT OF FAMOUS FOR BEING
PHYSICALLY AWKWARD.

897
00:29:35,841 --> 00:29:38,342
HE WAS SORT OF FAMOUS FOR BEING
PHYSICALLY AWKWARD.
HE HAD TROUBLE PRONOUNCING

898
00:29:38,344 --> 00:29:40,077
PHYSICALLY AWKWARD.
HE HAD TROUBLE PRONOUNCING
WORDS, ESPECIALLY PEOPLE'S

899
00:29:40,079 --> 00:29:42,346
HE HAD TROUBLE PRONOUNCING
WORDS, ESPECIALLY PEOPLE'S
NAMES, AND HE HAD, REALLY, THE

900
00:29:42,348 --> 00:29:44,782
WORDS, ESPECIALLY PEOPLE'S
NAMES, AND HE HAD, REALLY, THE
PERSONALITY OF THIS DISK, BUT HE

901
00:29:44,784 --> 00:29:47,151
NAMES, AND HE HAD, REALLY, THE
PERSONALITY OF THIS DISK, BUT HE
ORGANIZED A GREAT SHOW FROM

902
00:29:47,153 --> 00:29:50,387
PERSONALITY OF THIS DISK, BUT HE
ORGANIZED A GREAT SHOW FROM
PLATE SPINNERS, TO OPERA SINGERS

903
00:29:50,389 --> 00:29:52,189
ORGANIZED A GREAT SHOW FROM
PLATE SPINNERS, TO OPERA SINGERS
TO BROADWAY AND CIRCUS ACTS.

904
00:29:52,191 --> 00:29:53,857
PLATE SPINNERS, TO OPERA SINGERS
TO BROADWAY AND CIRCUS ACTS.
IT WAS AN AMAZING SHOW.

905
00:29:53,859 --> 00:29:56,460
TO BROADWAY AND CIRCUS ACTS.
IT WAS AN AMAZING SHOW.
COMING BACK I WAS REMINDED OF A

906
00:29:56,462 --> 00:29:57,261
IT WAS AN AMAZING SHOW.
COMING BACK I WAS REMINDED OF A
RATHER DRAMATIC THING THAT

907
00:29:57,263 --> 00:29:57,694
COMING BACK I WAS REMINDED OF A
RATHER DRAMATIC THING THAT
HAPPENED HERE.

908
00:29:57,696 --> 00:30:01,365
RATHER DRAMATIC THING THAT
HAPPENED HERE.
THERE WAS AN ANIMAL TRAINER

909
00:30:01,367 --> 00:30:03,567
HAPPENED HERE.
THERE WAS AN ANIMAL TRAINER
NAMED CLYDE WALL STREETY, THE

910
00:30:03,569 --> 00:30:07,571
THERE WAS AN ANIMAL TRAINER
NAMED CLYDE WALL STREETY, THE
PRECURSOR TO SIEGFRIED AND ROY.

911
00:30:07,573 --> 00:30:09,940
NAMED CLYDE WALL STREETY, THE
PRECURSOR TO SIEGFRIED AND ROY.
HE WORKED WITH RINGLING BROTHERS

912
00:30:09,942 --> 00:30:11,675
PRECURSOR TO SIEGFRIED AND ROY.
HE WORKED WITH RINGLING BROTHERS
AND HAD A BIG LION AND TIGER

913
00:30:11,677 --> 00:30:11,842
HE WORKED WITH RINGLING BROTHERS
AND HAD A BIG LION AND TIGER
ACT.

914
00:30:11,844 --> 00:30:14,244
AND HAD A BIG LION AND TIGER
ACT.
THEY BROUGHT HIM IN HERE AND HE

915
00:30:14,246 --> 00:30:16,213
ACT.
THEY BROUGHT HIM IN HERE AND HE
THOUGHT THE STAGE WAS TOO SMALL

916
00:30:16,215 --> 00:30:17,347
THEY BROUGHT HIM IN HERE AND HE
THOUGHT THE STAGE WAS TOO SMALL
TO DO THE ACT SAFELY.

917
00:30:17,349 --> 00:30:20,150
THOUGHT THE STAGE WAS TOO SMALL
TO DO THE ACT SAFELY.
ED AND THE PRODUCERS TAUGHT HIM

918
00:30:20,152 --> 00:30:20,818
TO DO THE ACT SAFELY.
ED AND THE PRODUCERS TAUGHT HIM
INTO DOING IT.

919
00:30:20,820 --> 00:30:23,020
ED AND THE PRODUCERS TAUGHT HIM
INTO DOING IT.
IF YOU'VE EVER SEEN THE FOOTAGE,

920
00:30:23,022 --> 00:30:26,323
INTO DOING IT.
IF YOU'VE EVER SEEN THE FOOTAGE,
IT LOOKS A LITTLE CRAMPED IN THE

921
00:30:26,325 --> 00:30:30,594
IF YOU'VE EVER SEEN THE FOOTAGE,
IT LOOKS A LITTLE CRAMPED IN THE
CAGE WITH HIM AND THE LIONS AND

922
00:30:30,596 --> 00:30:31,328
IT LOOKS A LITTLE CRAMPED IN THE
CAGE WITH HIM AND THE LIONS AND
THE TIGERS.

923
00:30:31,330 --> 00:30:32,963
CAGE WITH HIM AND THE LIONS AND
THE TIGERS.
JUST AS HE FEARED, HE LOSES

924
00:30:32,965 --> 00:30:34,097
THE TIGERS.
JUST AS HE FEARED, HE LOSES
CONTROL OF THE CATS.

925
00:30:34,099 --> 00:30:36,567
JUST AS HE FEARED, HE LOSES
CONTROL OF THE CATS.
HE'S HOLDING A WHIP AND A STOOL

926
00:30:36,569 --> 00:30:42,339
CONTROL OF THE CATS.
HE'S HOLDING A WHIP AND A STOOL
AND A STARTER'S PISTOL TO SCARE

927
00:30:42,341 --> 00:30:44,174
HE'S HOLDING A WHIP AND A STOOL
AND A STARTER'S PISTOL TO SCARE
THEM -- FRANKLY, THAT'S HOW THEY

928
00:30:44,176 --> 00:30:48,946
AND A STARTER'S PISTOL TO SCARE
THEM -- FRANKLY, THAT'S HOW THEY
USED TO HANDLE FAYE DUNAWAY IN

929
00:30:48,948 --> 00:30:50,380
THEM -- FRANKLY, THAT'S HOW THEY
USED TO HANDLE FAYE DUNAWAY IN
THE '80s.

930
00:30:50,382 --> 00:30:50,848
USED TO HANDLE FAYE DUNAWAY IN
THE '80s.
( LAUGHTER )

931
00:30:50,850 --> 00:30:53,016
THE '80s.
( LAUGHTER )
SO HE'S CRACKING THE WHIP AND

932
00:30:53,018 --> 00:30:55,586
( LAUGHTER )
SO HE'S CRACKING THE WHIP AND
PUSHING THEM AWAY WITH THE STOOL

933
00:30:55,588 --> 00:30:57,621
SO HE'S CRACKING THE WHIP AND
PUSHING THEM AWAY WITH THE STOOL
AND SUDDENLY THERE'S AN AWKWARD

934
00:30:57,623 --> 00:30:59,056
PUSHING THEM AWAY WITH THE STOOL
AND SUDDENLY THERE'S AN AWKWARD
CAMERA MOVE TO ED.

935
00:30:59,058 --> 00:31:00,591
AND SUDDENLY THERE'S AN AWKWARD
CAMERA MOVE TO ED.
HE'S IN THE AUDIENCE SAYING,

936
00:31:00,593 --> 00:31:05,596
CAMERA MOVE TO ED.
HE'S IN THE AUDIENCE SAYING,
NOW, LET'S SEE WHO'S IN OUR

937
00:31:05,598 --> 00:31:06,230
HE'S IN THE AUDIENCE SAYING,
NOW, LET'S SEE WHO'S IN OUR
AUDIENCE TONIGHT.

938
00:31:06,232 --> 00:31:06,530
NOW, LET'S SEE WHO'S IN OUR
AUDIENCE TONIGHT.
( LAUGHTER )

939
00:31:06,532 --> 00:31:09,766
AUDIENCE TONIGHT.
( LAUGHTER )
WHY, LOOK, IT'S CAROL CHANNING!

940
00:31:09,768 --> 00:31:10,968
( LAUGHTER )
WHY, LOOK, IT'S CAROL CHANNING!
HELLO, ED!

941
00:31:10,970 --> 00:31:16,773
WHY, LOOK, IT'S CAROL CHANNING!
HELLO, ED!
SO YOUNG CAROL CHANNING STANDS

942
00:31:16,775 --> 00:31:18,075
HELLO, ED!
SO YOUNG CAROL CHANNING STANDS
UP.

943
00:31:18,077 --> 00:31:19,576
SO YOUNG CAROL CHANNING STANDS
UP.
MEANWHILE, IN THE BACKGROUND YOU

944
00:31:19,578 --> 00:31:25,582
UP.
MEANWHILE, IN THE BACKGROUND YOU
HEAR, BACK, SIMBA!

945
00:31:25,584 --> 00:31:28,919
MEANWHILE, IN THE BACKGROUND YOU
HEAR, BACK, SIMBA!
DOWN, BOY, HEEL, HEEL!

946
00:31:28,921 --> 00:31:33,757
HEAR, BACK, SIMBA!
DOWN, BOY, HEEL, HEEL!
ED SAYS, I HEAR YOU'RE DOING

947
00:31:33,759 --> 00:31:36,059
DOWN, BOY, HEEL, HEEL!
ED SAYS, I HEAR YOU'RE DOING
GUYS PREFER BLONDES.

948
00:31:36,061 --> 00:31:37,194
ED SAYS, I HEAR YOU'RE DOING
GUYS PREFER BLONDES.
>> OPEN THE DOOR!

949
00:31:37,196 --> 00:31:37,895
GUYS PREFER BLONDES.
>> OPEN THE DOOR!
MAYBE YOU FAVOR --

950
00:31:37,897 --> 00:31:41,598
>> OPEN THE DOOR!
MAYBE YOU FAVOR --
GET ME SOME RAW MEAT, A REAL

951
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:42,366
MAYBE YOU FAVOR --
GET ME SOME RAW MEAT, A REAL
GUN!

952
00:31:42,368 --> 00:31:43,600
GET ME SOME RAW MEAT, A REAL
GUN!
HELP!

953
00:31:43,602 --> 00:31:46,236
GUN!
HELP!
HELP!

954
00:31:46,238 --> 00:31:46,536
HELP!
HELP!
( LAUGHTER )

955
00:31:46,538 --> 00:31:53,043
HELP!
( LAUGHTER )
♪ DIAMONDS ARE A GIRL'S BEST

956
00:31:53,045 --> 00:31:53,310
( LAUGHTER )
♪ DIAMONDS ARE A GIRL'S BEST
FRIEND ♪

957
00:31:53,312 --> 00:31:53,810
♪ DIAMONDS ARE A GIRL'S BEST
FRIEND ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

958
00:31:53,812 --> 00:31:54,745
FRIEND ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A

959
00:31:54,747 --> 00:31:54,945
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
BREAK.

960
00:31:54,947 --> 00:31:56,780
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
BREAK.
BUT PLEASE DON'T GO AWAY.

961
00:31:56,782 --> 00:31:57,848
BREAK.
BUT PLEASE DON'T GO AWAY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF

962
00:31:57,850 --> 00:32:01,318
BUT PLEASE DON'T GO AWAY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF
THE ONE, THE ONLY NATHAN LANE.

963
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:01,818
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF
THE ONE, THE ONLY NATHAN LANE.
( CHEERS A

964
00:32:06,858 --> 00:32:16,633
♪♪♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!

965
00:32:16,635 --> 00:32:17,434
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

966
00:32:17,436 --> 00:32:20,570
WELCOME BACK!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WE'RE HERE WITH NATHAN LANE.

967
00:32:20,572 --> 00:32:23,907
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WE'RE HERE WITH NATHAN LANE.
BROADWAY IS OPENING UP SEPTEMBEO

968
00:32:23,909 --> 00:32:24,174
WE'RE HERE WITH NATHAN LANE.
BROADWAY IS OPENING UP SEPTEMBEO
EXCITING.

969
00:32:24,176 --> 00:32:25,742
BROADWAY IS OPENING UP SEPTEMBEO
EXCITING.
>> SO EXCITING.

970
00:32:25,744 --> 00:32:26,243
EXCITING.
>> SO EXCITING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

971
00:32:26,245 --> 00:32:27,010
>> SO EXCITING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT IN A

972
00:32:27,012 --> 00:32:28,211
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT IN A
SHOW RIGHT NOW, BUT ARE YOU

973
00:32:28,213 --> 00:32:30,314
>> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT IN A
SHOW RIGHT NOW, BUT ARE YOU
EXCITED FOR IT TO COME BACK?

974
00:32:30,316 --> 00:32:31,148
SHOW RIGHT NOW, BUT ARE YOU
EXCITED FOR IT TO COME BACK?
>> WELL, I HAVE A LITTLE

975
00:32:31,150 --> 00:32:31,715
EXCITED FOR IT TO COME BACK?
>> WELL, I HAVE A LITTLE
ANNOUNCEMENT BECAUSE I'M

976
00:32:31,717 --> 00:32:33,350
>> WELL, I HAVE A LITTLE
ANNOUNCEMENT BECAUSE I'M
INVOLVED WITH A SHOW THAT'S

977
00:32:33,352 --> 00:32:34,685
ANNOUNCEMENT BECAUSE I'M
INVOLVED WITH A SHOW THAT'S
STARTING NEXT WEEK, ACTUALLY.

978
00:32:34,687 --> 00:32:36,720
INVOLVED WITH A SHOW THAT'S
STARTING NEXT WEEK, ACTUALLY.
NOW, I'M NOT STARRING IN IT.

979
00:32:36,722 --> 00:32:40,624
STARTING NEXT WEEK, ACTUALLY.
NOW, I'M NOT STARRING IN IT.
IT'S A VERY SPECIAL THING.

980
00:32:40,626 --> 00:32:43,393
NOW, I'M NOT STARRING IN IT.
IT'S A VERY SPECIAL THING.
I AM THE STANDBY FOR SPRINGSTEEN

981
00:32:43,395 --> 00:32:46,196
IT'S A VERY SPECIAL THING.
I AM THE STANDBY FOR SPRINGSTEEN
ON BROADWAY.

982
00:32:46,198 --> 00:32:46,563
I AM THE STANDBY FOR SPRINGSTEEN
ON BROADWAY.
( LAUGHTER )

983
00:32:46,565 --> 00:32:48,598
ON BROADWAY.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: UNDERSTANDING, THE

984
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:48,799
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: UNDERSTANDING, THE
BOSS.

985
00:32:48,801 --> 00:32:51,902
>> Stephen: UNDERSTANDING, THE
BOSS.
>> I AM JUST ONE BAD SEAFOOD

986
00:32:51,904 --> 00:32:54,371
BOSS.
>> I AM JUST ONE BAD SEAFOOD
DINNER AWAY FROM BECOMING THE

987
00:32:54,373 --> 00:32:54,571
>> I AM JUST ONE BAD SEAFOOD
DINNER AWAY FROM BECOMING THE
BOSS!

988
00:32:54,573 --> 00:32:54,871
DINNER AWAY FROM BECOMING THE
BOSS!
( LAUGHTER )

989
00:32:54,873 --> 00:32:56,173
BOSS!
( LAUGHTER )
THEY FIRST ASKED ME, I THOUGHT

990
00:32:56,175 --> 00:32:57,874
( LAUGHTER )
THEY FIRST ASKED ME, I THOUGHT
THIS IS CRAZY, YOU KNOW, BUT

991
00:32:57,876 --> 00:32:59,376
THEY FIRST ASKED ME, I THOUGHT
THIS IS CRAZY, YOU KNOW, BUT
THEN I THOUGHT SO MANY PEOPLE

992
00:32:59,378 --> 00:33:02,980
THIS IS CRAZY, YOU KNOW, BUT
THEN I THOUGHT SO MANY PEOPLE
SAY, YOU AND BRUCE, IT'S LIKE

993
00:33:02,982 --> 00:33:05,549
THEN I THOUGHT SO MANY PEOPLE
SAY, YOU AND BRUCE, IT'S LIKE
YOU WERE SEPARATED AT BIRTH!

994
00:33:05,551 --> 00:33:05,849
SAY, YOU AND BRUCE, IT'S LIKE
YOU WERE SEPARATED AT BIRTH!
( LAUGHTER )

995
00:33:05,851 --> 00:33:07,617
YOU WERE SEPARATED AT BIRTH!
( LAUGHTER )
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE BOTH JERSEY

996
00:33:07,619 --> 00:33:09,720
( LAUGHTER )
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE BOTH JERSEY
BOYS, YOU BOTH GREW UP -- YOU

997
00:33:09,722 --> 00:33:10,821
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE BOTH JERSEY
BOYS, YOU BOTH GREW UP -- YOU
KNOW, YOU SPENT YOUR LIVES ON

998
00:33:10,823 --> 00:33:14,458
BOYS, YOU BOTH GREW UP -- YOU
KNOW, YOU SPENT YOUR LIVES ON
THE STAGE, YOU BOTH HAVE THAT

999
00:33:14,460 --> 00:33:15,192
KNOW, YOU SPENT YOUR LIVES ON
THE STAGE, YOU BOTH HAVE THAT
EVERY MAN QUALITY.

1000
00:33:15,194 --> 00:33:17,294
THE STAGE, YOU BOTH HAVE THAT
EVERY MAN QUALITY.
MEN WANT YOU, MEN WANT TO BE

1001
00:33:17,296 --> 00:33:17,461
EVERY MAN QUALITY.
MEN WANT YOU, MEN WANT TO BE
YOU.

1002
00:33:17,463 --> 00:33:18,795
MEN WANT YOU, MEN WANT TO BE
YOU.
AND I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, WHY

1003
00:33:18,797 --> 00:33:19,129
YOU.
AND I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, WHY
NOT?

1004
00:33:19,131 --> 00:33:21,198
AND I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, WHY
NOT?
AND THEN, YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN

1005
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:22,165
NOT?
AND THEN, YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN
GETTING SECOND THOUGHTS BECAUSE,

1006
00:33:22,167 --> 00:33:24,368
AND THEN, YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN
GETTING SECOND THOUGHTS BECAUSE,
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ARE SPENDING A

1007
00:33:24,370 --> 00:33:28,605
GETTING SECOND THOUGHTS BECAUSE,
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ARE SPENDING A
LOT OF MONEY TO SEE BRUCE!

1008
00:33:28,607 --> 00:33:29,039
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ARE SPENDING A
LOT OF MONEY TO SEE BRUCE!
BRUCE!

1009
00:33:29,041 --> 00:33:29,272
LOT OF MONEY TO SEE BRUCE!
BRUCE!
RIGHT?

1010
00:33:29,274 --> 00:33:31,041
BRUCE!
RIGHT?
BUT THEN I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW

1011
00:33:31,043 --> 00:33:32,676
RIGHT?
BUT THEN I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW
WHAT, I GET THAT, BUT I HAVE

1012
00:33:32,678 --> 00:33:34,978
BUT THEN I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW
WHAT, I GET THAT, BUT I HAVE
BEEN REHEARSING A LOT, AND I'M

1013
00:33:34,980 --> 00:33:36,780
WHAT, I GET THAT, BUT I HAVE
BEEN REHEARSING A LOT, AND I'M
PUTTING MY OWN SPECIALSAURUS ON

1014
00:33:36,782 --> 00:33:41,451
BEEN REHEARSING A LOT, AND I'M
PUTTING MY OWN SPECIALSAURUS ON
THESE DIDDIES, AND I THINK --

1015
00:33:41,453 --> 00:33:44,621
PUTTING MY OWN SPECIALSAURUS ON
THESE DIDDIES, AND I THINK --
>> Stephen: YOUR SPECIAL SAUCE

1016
00:33:44,623 --> 00:33:46,256
THESE DIDDIES, AND I THINK --
>> Stephen: YOUR SPECIAL SAUCE
ON THESE DIDDIES?

1017
00:33:46,258 --> 00:33:46,757
>> Stephen: YOUR SPECIAL SAUCE
ON THESE DIDDIES?
>> THAT'S RIGHT.

1018
00:33:46,759 --> 00:33:47,057
ON THESE DIDDIES?
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
( LAUGHTER )

1019
00:33:47,059 --> 00:33:48,792
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
( LAUGHTER )
I THINK PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE

1020
00:33:48,794 --> 00:33:52,229
( LAUGHTER )
I THINK PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE
REALLY IMPRESSED.

1021
00:33:52,231 --> 00:33:53,730
I THINK PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE
REALLY IMPRESSED.
I HAVE BEEN DRINKING A LOT OF

1022
00:33:53,732 --> 00:33:56,600
REALLY IMPRESSED.
I HAVE BEEN DRINKING A LOT OF
WHISKEY AND SMOKING LINE A

1023
00:33:56,602 --> 00:33:57,968
I HAVE BEEN DRINKING A LOT OF
WHISKEY AND SMOKING LINE A
FIEND, I'M STARTING TO SOUND

1024
00:33:57,970 --> 00:33:58,702
WHISKEY AND SMOKING LINE A
FIEND, I'M STARTING TO SOUND
LIKE HIM.

1025
00:33:58,704 --> 00:34:00,771
FIEND, I'M STARTING TO SOUND
LIKE HIM.
THE HARDEST PART IS SQUEEZING

1026
00:34:00,773 --> 00:34:02,039
LIKE HIM.
THE HARDEST PART IS SQUEEZING
INTO THE VESTS.

1027
00:34:02,041 --> 00:34:04,107
THE HARDEST PART IS SQUEEZING
INTO THE VESTS.
HE'S A 71-YEAR-OLD MAN WHO

1028
00:34:04,109 --> 00:34:05,809
INTO THE VESTS.
HE'S A 71-YEAR-OLD MAN WHO
DRESSES LIKE A NEWSY.

1029
00:34:05,811 --> 00:34:07,844
HE'S A 71-YEAR-OLD MAN WHO
DRESSES LIKE A NEWSY.
SO IF HE LOOKS QUEASY, I'LL GIVE

1030
00:34:07,846 --> 00:34:11,548
DRESSES LIKE A NEWSY.
SO IF HE LOOKS QUEASY, I'LL GIVE
YOU A HEADS UP AND YOU COME ON

1031
00:34:11,550 --> 00:34:11,982
SO IF HE LOOKS QUEASY, I'LL GIVE
YOU A HEADS UP AND YOU COME ON
OVER AND --

1032
00:34:11,984 --> 00:34:14,051
YOU A HEADS UP AND YOU COME ON
OVER AND --
>> Stephen: FANTASTIC.

1033
00:34:14,053 --> 00:34:15,252
OVER AND --
>> Stephen: FANTASTIC.
FANTASTIC.

1034
00:34:15,254 --> 00:34:16,620
>> Stephen: FANTASTIC.
FANTASTIC.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

1035
00:34:16,622 --> 00:34:18,855
FANTASTIC.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LET US PUT

1036
00:34:18,857 --> 00:34:20,590
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LET US PUT
OUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR THE ONE,

1037
00:34:20,592 --> 00:34:23,627
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LET US PUT
OUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR THE ONE,
THE ONLY MR. NATHAN LANE!

1038
00:34:23,629 --> 00:34:24,594
OUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR THE ONE,
THE ONLY MR. NATHAN LANE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

1039
00:34:24,596 --> 00:34:28,432
THE ONLY MR. NATHAN LANE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪♪

1040
00:34:39,510 --> 00:34:39,709
♪♪♪

1041
00:34:55,193 --> 00:35:00,130
>> Stephen: AND NOW,
PERFORMING "BLACK HOLE" FROM HER
MIXTAPE, "ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF

1042
00:35:00,132 --> 00:35:00,530
PERFORMING "BLACK HOLE" FROM HER
MIXTAPE, "ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF
THE OTHER," GRIFF.

1043
00:35:00,532 --> 00:35:03,266
MIXTAPE, "ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF
THE OTHER," GRIFF.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

1044
00:35:05,002 --> 00:35:14,878
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
(POP/WITH SYNTHPOP BEAT)

1045
00:35:20,184 --> 00:35:24,121
♪ NOW AND THEN
YOUR NAME COMES UP IN
♪ CONVERSATION

1046
00:35:24,123 --> 00:35:26,323
YOUR NAME COMES UP IN
♪ CONVERSATION
WITH MY FRIENDS

1047
00:35:26,325 --> 00:35:28,158
♪ CONVERSATION
WITH MY FRIENDS
I HATE HOW MUCH I FEEL IT RIGHT

1048
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:32,162
WITH MY FRIENDS
I HATE HOW MUCH I FEEL IT RIGHT
♪ THERE IN MY CHEST

1049
00:35:32,164 --> 00:35:36,166
I HATE HOW MUCH I FEEL IT RIGHT
♪ THERE IN MY CHEST
I HATE HOW MUCH I FEEL IT, YEAH

1050
00:35:36,168 --> 00:35:37,334
♪ THERE IN MY CHEST
I HATE HOW MUCH I FEEL IT, YEAH
♪ LIKE, HOW ARE YOU?

1051
00:35:37,336 --> 00:35:38,335
I HATE HOW MUCH I FEEL IT, YEAH
♪ LIKE, HOW ARE YOU?
IT SEEMS LIKE THINGS ARE GOING

1052
00:35:38,337 --> 00:35:40,437
♪ LIKE, HOW ARE YOU?
IT SEEMS LIKE THINGS ARE GOING
♪ REALLY WELL FOR YOU

1053
00:35:40,439 --> 00:35:44,107
IT SEEMS LIKE THINGS ARE GOING
♪ REALLY WELL FOR YOU
I WISH THAT I COULD SAY THE SAME

1054
00:35:44,109 --> 00:35:44,474
♪ REALLY WELL FOR YOU
I WISH THAT I COULD SAY THE SAME
♪ ABOUT ME TOO

1055
00:35:44,476 --> 00:35:48,145
I WISH THAT I COULD SAY THE SAME
♪ ABOUT ME TOO
I WISH THAT I COULD SAY THE SAME

1056
00:35:48,147 --> 00:35:50,347
♪ ABOUT ME TOO
I WISH THAT I COULD SAY THE SAME
♪ AND BOY, YOU KNOW

1057
00:35:50,349 --> 00:35:51,815
I WISH THAT I COULD SAY THE SAME
♪ AND BOY, YOU KNOW
I'VE TRIED

1058
00:35:51,817 --> 00:35:52,149
♪ AND BOY, YOU KNOW
I'VE TRIED
♪ TO PRAY

1059
00:35:52,151 --> 00:35:54,851
I'VE TRIED
♪ TO PRAY
I'VE BRUISED MY KNEES

1060
00:35:54,853 --> 00:35:56,153
♪ TO PRAY
I'VE BRUISED MY KNEES
♪ I'VE TRIED

1061
00:35:56,155 --> 00:35:58,555
I'VE BRUISED MY KNEES
♪ I'VE TRIED
TO BRING YOU BACK TO ME

1062
00:35:58,557 --> 00:36:00,157
♪ I'VE TRIED
TO BRING YOU BACK TO ME
♪ I'VE TRIED

1063
00:36:00,159 --> 00:36:02,359
TO BRING YOU BACK TO ME
♪ I'VE TRIED
MY BEST TO FIND

1064
00:36:02,361 --> 00:36:04,161
♪ I'VE TRIED
MY BEST TO FIND
♪ SOME KIND OF PEACE

1065
00:36:04,163 --> 00:36:06,663
MY BEST TO FIND
♪ SOME KIND OF PEACE
DON'T YOU SEE?

1066
00:36:06,665 --> 00:36:08,165
♪ SOME KIND OF PEACE
DON'T YOU SEE?
♪ THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE

1067
00:36:08,167 --> 00:36:10,133
DON'T YOU SEE?
♪ THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE
WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE

1068
00:36:10,135 --> 00:36:11,234
♪ THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE
WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
♪ AND I TRIED MY BEST

1069
00:36:11,236 --> 00:36:12,102
WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
♪ AND I TRIED MY BEST
TO FILL IT UP WITH THINGS

1070
00:36:12,104 --> 00:36:14,337
♪ AND I TRIED MY BEST
TO FILL IT UP WITH THINGS
♪ I DON'T NEED

1071
00:36:14,339 --> 00:36:16,106
TO FILL IT UP WITH THINGS
♪ I DON'T NEED
IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,

1072
00:36:16,108 --> 00:36:18,508
♪ I DON'T NEED
IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,
♪ NO, IT'S NOT EASY

1073
00:36:18,510 --> 00:36:20,143
IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,
♪ NO, IT'S NOT EASY
TO FILL THIS GAP

1074
00:36:20,145 --> 00:36:22,212
♪ NO, IT'S NOT EASY
TO FILL THIS GAP
♪ THAT YOU LEFT IN ME

1075
00:36:22,214 --> 00:36:24,114
TO FILL THIS GAP
♪ THAT YOU LEFT IN ME
THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE

1076
00:36:24,116 --> 00:36:26,349
♪ THAT YOU LEFT IN ME
THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE
♪ WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE

1077
00:36:26,351 --> 00:36:27,951
THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE
♪ WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
AND I WISH THAT YOU WOULD

1078
00:36:27,953 --> 00:36:28,585
♪ WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
AND I WISH THAT YOU WOULD
♪ REALIZE I'M ALL THAT YOU NEED

1079
00:36:28,587 --> 00:36:32,155
AND I WISH THAT YOU WOULD
♪ REALIZE I'M ALL THAT YOU NEED
IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,

1080
00:36:32,157 --> 00:36:34,357
♪ REALIZE I'M ALL THAT YOU NEED
IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,
♪ NO, IT'S NOT EASY

1081
00:36:34,359 --> 00:36:36,159
IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,
♪ NO, IT'S NOT EASY
TO FILL THIS GAP

1082
00:36:36,161 --> 00:36:36,693
♪ NO, IT'S NOT EASY
TO FILL THIS GAP
♪ THAT YOU LEFT IN ME

1083
00:36:36,695 --> 00:36:38,361
TO FILL THIS GAP
♪ THAT YOU LEFT IN ME
WITHOUT A TRACE

1084
00:36:38,363 --> 00:36:40,130
♪ THAT YOU LEFT IN ME
WITHOUT A TRACE
♪ YOU DISAPPEARED

1085
00:36:40,132 --> 00:36:42,232
WITHOUT A TRACE
♪ YOU DISAPPEARED
AND TOOK SOME OF ME

1086
00:36:42,234 --> 00:36:43,567
♪ YOU DISAPPEARED
AND TOOK SOME OF ME
♪ WITH YOU, BABE

1087
00:36:43,569 --> 00:36:44,134
AND TOOK SOME OF ME
♪ WITH YOU, BABE
LIKE THE WAY I USED TO LAUGH

1088
00:36:44,136 --> 00:36:47,170
♪ WITH YOU, BABE
LIKE THE WAY I USED TO LAUGH
♪ UNTIL MY BELLY ACHE

1089
00:36:47,172 --> 00:36:48,138
LIKE THE WAY I USED TO LAUGH
♪ UNTIL MY BELLY ACHE
WELL,

1090
00:36:48,140 --> 00:36:51,975
♪ UNTIL MY BELLY ACHE
WELL,
♪ THAT'S ALL GONE AWAY NOW, YEAH

1091
00:36:51,977 --> 00:36:52,409
WELL,
♪ THAT'S ALL GONE AWAY NOW, YEAH
♪ AND BOY, YOU KNOW

1092
00:36:52,411 --> 00:36:55,212
♪ THAT'S ALL GONE AWAY NOW, YEAH
♪ AND BOY, YOU KNOW
I'VE TRIED TO PRAY

1093
00:36:55,214 --> 00:36:55,712
♪ AND BOY, YOU KNOW
I'VE TRIED TO PRAY
♪ I'VE BRUISED MY KNEES

1094
00:36:55,714 --> 00:36:57,914
I'VE TRIED TO PRAY
♪ I'VE BRUISED MY KNEES
I'VE TRIED

1095
00:36:57,916 --> 00:36:59,115
♪ I'VE BRUISED MY KNEES
I'VE TRIED
♪ TO BRING YOU BACK

1096
00:36:59,117 --> 00:37:00,150
I'VE TRIED
♪ TO BRING YOU BACK
TO ME

1097
00:37:00,152 --> 00:37:02,319
♪ TO BRING YOU BACK
TO ME
♪ I'VE TRIED

1098
00:37:02,321 --> 00:37:04,120
TO ME
♪ I'VE TRIED
MY BEST TO FIND

1099
00:37:04,122 --> 00:37:07,057
♪ I'VE TRIED
MY BEST TO FIND
♪ SOME KIND OF PEACE

1100
00:37:07,059 --> 00:37:08,124
MY BEST TO FIND
♪ SOME KIND OF PEACE
DON'T YOU SEE?

1101
00:37:08,126 --> 00:37:10,760
♪ SOME KIND OF PEACE
DON'T YOU SEE?
♪ THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE

1102
00:37:10,762 --> 00:37:12,128
DON'T YOU SEE?
♪ THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE
WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE

1103
00:37:12,130 --> 00:37:14,297
♪ THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE
WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
♪ AND I TRIED MY BEST TO FILL IT

1104
00:37:14,299 --> 00:37:16,099
WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
♪ AND I TRIED MY BEST TO FILL IT
UP WITH THINGS I DON'T NEED

1105
00:37:16,101 --> 00:37:18,802
♪ AND I TRIED MY BEST TO FILL IT
UP WITH THINGS I DON'T NEED
♪ IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,

1106
00:37:18,804 --> 00:37:20,136
UP WITH THINGS I DON'T NEED
♪ IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,
NO, IT'S NOT EASY

1107
00:37:20,138 --> 00:37:22,239
♪ IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,
NO, IT'S NOT EASY
♪ TO FILL THIS GAP

1108
00:37:22,241 --> 00:37:24,107
NO, IT'S NOT EASY
♪ TO FILL THIS GAP
THAT YOU LEFT IN ME

1109
00:37:24,109 --> 00:37:26,209
♪ TO FILL THIS GAP
THAT YOU LEFT IN ME
♪ THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE

1110
00:37:26,211 --> 00:37:26,743
THAT YOU LEFT IN ME
♪ THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE
WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE

1111
00:37:26,745 --> 00:37:27,877
♪ THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE
WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
♪ AND I WISH THAT YOU WOULD

1112
00:37:27,879 --> 00:37:31,915
WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
♪ AND I WISH THAT YOU WOULD
REALIZE I'M ALL THAT YOU NEED

1113
00:37:31,917 --> 00:37:32,482
♪ AND I WISH THAT YOU WOULD
REALIZE I'M ALL THAT YOU NEED
♪ IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,

1114
00:37:32,484 --> 00:37:35,752
REALIZE I'M ALL THAT YOU NEED
♪ IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,
NO, IT'S NOT EASY

1115
00:37:35,754 --> 00:37:36,186
♪ IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,
NO, IT'S NOT EASY
♪ TO FILL THIS GAP

1116
00:37:36,188 --> 00:37:38,321
NO, IT'S NOT EASY
♪ TO FILL THIS GAP
THAT YOU LEFT IN ME

1117
00:37:38,323 --> 00:37:40,156
♪ TO FILL THIS GAP
THAT YOU LEFT IN ME
♪ (THAT YOU LEFT IN ME)

1118
00:37:40,158 --> 00:37:42,225
THAT YOU LEFT IN ME
♪ (THAT YOU LEFT IN ME)
♪ OH, OH, OH, OH

1119
00:37:42,227 --> 00:37:44,127
♪ (THAT YOU LEFT IN ME)
♪ OH, OH, OH, OH
(THERE'S SUCH A BIG BLACK HOLE)

1120
00:37:44,129 --> 00:37:45,996
♪ OH, OH, OH, OH
(THERE'S SUCH A BIG BLACK HOLE)
♪ OH, OH, OH, OH

1121
00:37:45,998 --> 00:37:46,329
(THERE'S SUCH A BIG BLACK HOLE)
♪ OH, OH, OH, OH
OH, OH, OH, OH

1122
00:37:46,331 --> 00:37:50,333
♪ OH, OH, OH, OH
OH, OH, OH, OH
♪ (THAT YOU LEFT IN ME)

1123
00:37:50,335 --> 00:37:55,071
OH, OH, OH, OH
♪ (THAT YOU LEFT IN ME)
OH, OH, OH, OH

1124
00:37:55,073 --> 00:37:56,106
♪ (THAT YOU LEFT IN ME)
OH, OH, OH, OH
♪ THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE

1125
00:37:56,108 --> 00:37:59,376
OH, OH, OH, OH
♪ THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE
WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE

1126
00:37:59,378 --> 00:38:00,110
♪ THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE
WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
♪ AND I TRIED MY BEST TO FILL IT

1127
00:38:00,112 --> 00:38:02,312
WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
♪ AND I TRIED MY BEST TO FILL IT
UP WITH THINGS I DON'T NEED

1128
00:38:02,314 --> 00:38:04,147
♪ AND I TRIED MY BEST TO FILL IT
UP WITH THINGS I DON'T NEED
♪ IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,

1129
00:38:04,149 --> 00:38:06,683
UP WITH THINGS I DON'T NEED
♪ IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,
NO, IT'S NOT EASY

1130
00:38:06,685 --> 00:38:08,118
♪ IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,
NO, IT'S NOT EASY
♪ TO FILL THIS GAP

1131
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:09,452
NO, IT'S NOT EASY
♪ TO FILL THIS GAP
THAT YOU LEFT IN ME

1132
00:38:09,454 --> 00:38:20,163
♪ TO FILL THIS GAP
THAT YOU LEFT IN ME
♪ (OH, THAT YOU LEFT IN ME)

1133
00:38:20,165 --> 00:38:21,431
THAT YOU LEFT IN ME
♪ (OH, THAT YOU LEFT IN ME)
THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE

1134
00:38:21,433 --> 00:38:21,998
♪ (OH, THAT YOU LEFT IN ME)
THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE
♪ WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE

1135
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:23,933
THERE'S A BIG BLACK HOLE
♪ WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
(OH, YEAH, YOU LEFT IN ME)

1136
00:38:23,935 --> 00:38:24,501
♪ WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE
(OH, YEAH, YOU LEFT IN ME)
♪ AND I WISH THAT YOU WOULD

1137
00:38:24,503 --> 00:38:25,602
(OH, YEAH, YOU LEFT IN ME)
♪ AND I WISH THAT YOU WOULD
REALIZE I'M ALL THAT YOU NEED

1138
00:38:25,604 --> 00:38:25,835
♪ AND I WISH THAT YOU WOULD
REALIZE I'M ALL THAT YOU NEED
♪ (NO)

1139
00:38:25,837 --> 00:38:26,469
REALIZE I'M ALL THAT YOU NEED
♪ (NO)
IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,

1140
00:38:26,471 --> 00:38:27,237
♪ (NO)
IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,
♪ NO, IT'S NOT EASY

1141
00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:27,704
IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,
♪ NO, IT'S NOT EASY
(OH NO, IT'S NOT EASY)

1142
00:38:27,706 --> 00:38:28,138
♪ NO, IT'S NOT EASY
(OH NO, IT'S NOT EASY)
♪ TO FILL THIS GAP

1143
00:38:28,140 --> 00:38:28,571
(OH NO, IT'S NOT EASY)
♪ TO FILL THIS GAP
THAT YOU LEFT IN ME

1144
00:38:28,573 --> 00:38:35,645
♪ TO FILL THIS GAP
THAT YOU LEFT IN ME
♪ (THAT YOU LEFT IN ME)

1145
00:38:35,780 --> 00:38:37,013
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: GRIFF, EVERYBODY

1146
00:38:46,624 --> 00:38:51,061
♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

1147
00:38:51,063 --> 00:38:52,729
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
CHECK YOUR WATCH, YOU WILL SEE

1148
00:38:52,731 --> 00:38:53,596
WELL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
CHECK YOUR WATCH, YOU WILL SEE
THAT'S ALMOST IT FOR "THE LATE

1149
00:38:53,598 --> 00:38:53,797
CHECK YOUR WATCH, YOU WILL SEE
THAT'S ALMOST IT FOR "THE LATE
SHOW."

1150
00:38:53,799 --> 00:38:55,732
THAT'S ALMOST IT FOR "THE LATE
SHOW."
I WANT TO THANK NATHAN LANE AND

1151
00:38:55,734 --> 00:38:56,766
SHOW."
I WANT TO THANK NATHAN LANE AND
GRIFF.

1152
00:38:56,768 --> 00:38:58,968
I WANT TO THANK NATHAN LANE AND
GRIFF.
BEFORE WE GO, YOU

1153
00:38:58,970 --> 00:39:00,770
GRIFF.
BEFORE WE GO, YOU
MAY REMEMBER A FEW MONTHS AGO

1154
00:39:00,772 --> 00:39:03,406
BEFORE WE GO, YOU
MAY REMEMBER A FEW MONTHS AGO
WHEN WE PUT OUT THIS L.S.S.C.

1155
00:39:03,408 --> 00:39:04,574
MAY REMEMBER A FEW MONTHS AGO
WHEN WE PUT OUT THIS L.S.S.C.
COVID TOUR T-SHIRT AND OTHER

1156
00:39:04,576 --> 00:39:05,208
WHEN WE PUT OUT THIS L.S.S.C.
COVID TOUR T-SHIRT AND OTHER
MERCH LISTING THE VARIOUS PLACES

1157
00:39:05,210 --> 00:39:06,943
COVID TOUR T-SHIRT AND OTHER
MERCH LISTING THE VARIOUS PLACES
WE DID OUR SHOW DURING

1158
00:39:06,945 --> 00:39:08,778
MERCH LISTING THE VARIOUS PLACES
WE DID OUR SHOW DURING
QUARANTINE.

1159
00:39:08,780 --> 00:39:10,880
WE DID OUR SHOW DURING
QUARANTINE.
BECAUSE WHAT IS MORE ROCK AND

1160
00:39:10,882 --> 00:39:11,414
QUARANTINE.
BECAUSE WHAT IS MORE ROCK AND
ROLL THAN FOLLOWING PROPER

1161
00:39:11,416 --> 00:39:12,749
BECAUSE WHAT IS MORE ROCK AND
ROLL THAN FOLLOWING PROPER
PUBLIC HEALTH AND SAFETY

1162
00:39:12,751 --> 00:39:16,753
ROLL THAN FOLLOWING PROPER
PUBLIC HEALTH AND SAFETY
PROTOCOLS?

1163
00:39:16,755 --> 00:39:18,922
PUBLIC HEALTH AND SAFETY
PROTOCOLS?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

1164
00:39:18,924 --> 00:39:22,525
PROTOCOLS?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND WHILE WE WERE ABLE TO KEEP

1165
00:39:22,527 --> 00:39:24,160
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND WHILE WE WERE ABLE TO KEEP
WORKING DURING QUARANTINE, NOT

1166
00:39:24,162 --> 00:39:24,761
AND WHILE WE WERE ABLE TO KEEP
WORKING DURING QUARANTINE, NOT
EVERY BUSINESS WAS SO LUCKY.

1167
00:39:24,763 --> 00:39:28,765
WORKING DURING QUARANTINE, NOT
EVERY BUSINESS WAS SO LUCKY.
WHICH IS WHY 100% OF THE LATE

1168
00:39:28,767 --> 00:39:30,266
EVERY BUSINESS WAS SO LUCKY.
WHICH IS WHY 100% OF THE LATE
SHOW'S PROCEEDS GOES TO

1169
00:39:30,268 --> 00:39:30,967
WHICH IS WHY 100% OF THE LATE
SHOW'S PROCEEDS GOES TO
OPPORTUNITY FUND'S SMALL

1170
00:39:30,969 --> 00:39:32,736
SHOW'S PROCEEDS GOES TO
OPPORTUNITY FUND'S SMALL
BUSINESS RELIEF FUND.

1171
00:39:32,738 --> 00:39:33,937
OPPORTUNITY FUND'S SMALL
BUSINESS RELIEF FUND.
THAT MONEY DIRECTLY HELPS SMALL

1172
00:39:33,939 --> 00:39:35,905
BUSINESS RELIEF FUND.
THAT MONEY DIRECTLY HELPS SMALL
BUSINESSES AFFECTED BY THE

1173
00:39:35,907 --> 00:39:36,773
THAT MONEY DIRECTLY HELPS SMALL
BUSINESSES AFFECTED BY THE
PANDEMIC.

1174
00:39:36,775 --> 00:39:40,777
BUSINESSES AFFECTED BY THE
PANDEMIC.
AND AS OF TODAY, WE HAVE RAISED

1175
00:39:40,779 --> 00:39:42,946
PANDEMIC.
AND AS OF TODAY, WE HAVE RAISED
$271,849 TO HELP SMALL

1176
00:39:42,948 --> 00:39:44,748
AND AS OF TODAY, WE HAVE RAISED
$271,849 TO HELP SMALL
BUSINESSES.

1177
00:39:44,750 --> 00:39:48,685
$271,849 TO HELP SMALL
BUSINESSES.
WOO!

1178
00:39:48,687 --> 00:39:49,185
BUSINESSES.
WOO!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

1179
00:39:49,187 --> 00:39:56,159
WOO!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
BUT HERE'S THE PROBLEM --

1180
00:39:56,161 --> 00:39:56,760
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
BUT HERE'S THE PROBLEM --
OUT TOUR DATES ON OUR T-SHIRTS

1181
00:39:56,762 --> 00:39:57,894
BUT HERE'S THE PROBLEM --
OUT TOUR DATES ON OUR T-SHIRTS
WERE INCOMPLETE, BECAUSE NOW

1182
00:39:57,896 --> 00:39:58,695
OUT TOUR DATES ON OUR T-SHIRTS
WERE INCOMPLETE, BECAUSE NOW
WE'RE IN THE ED SULLIVAN

1183
00:39:58,697 --> 00:39:59,596
WERE INCOMPLETE, BECAUSE NOW
WE'RE IN THE ED SULLIVAN
THEATER, SO WE'VE UPDATED THEM

1184
00:39:59,598 --> 00:40:00,730
WE'RE IN THE ED SULLIVAN
THEATER, SO WE'VE UPDATED THEM
TO SHOW THAT WE'RE BACK N'

1185
00:40:00,732 --> 00:40:04,734
THEATER, SO WE'VE UPDATED THEM
TO SHOW THAT WE'RE BACK N'
VAXXED.

1186
00:40:04,736 --> 00:40:07,804
TO SHOW THAT WE'RE BACK N'
VAXXED.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

1187
00:40:07,806 --> 00:40:08,638
VAXXED.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
TO PICK YOUR NEW AND IMPROVED

1188
00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:09,205
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
TO PICK YOUR NEW AND IMPROVED
T-SHIRT, OR ANY OF OUR OTHER

1189
00:40:09,207 --> 00:40:10,306
TO PICK YOUR NEW AND IMPROVED
T-SHIRT, OR ANY OF OUR OTHER
GREAT MERCH, AND HELP SMALL

1190
00:40:10,308 --> 00:40:12,776
T-SHIRT, OR ANY OF OUR OTHER
GREAT MERCH, AND HELP SMALL
BUSINESSES WHILE YOU DO IT, GO

1191
00:40:12,778 --> 00:40:15,111
GREAT MERCH, AND HELP SMALL
BUSINESSES WHILE YOU DO IT, GO
TO COLBERTLATESHOW.COM/COVIDTOUR

1192
00:40:15,113 --> 00:40:15,979
BUSINESSES WHILE YOU DO IT, GO
TO COLBERTLATESHOW.COM/COVIDTOUR
THESE NEW SHIRTS ARE PERFECT FOR

1193
00:40:15,981 --> 00:40:16,746
TO COLBERTLATESHOW.COM/COVIDTOUR
THESE NEW SHIRTS ARE PERFECT FOR
ANYBODY WITH A TORSO, AND THE

1194
00:40:16,748 --> 00:40:18,948
THESE NEW SHIRTS ARE PERFECT FOR
ANYBODY WITH A TORSO, AND THE
EXTRA-LARGE, EVEN MORESO.

1195
00:40:18,950 --> 00:40:20,750
ANYBODY WITH A TORSO, AND THE
EXTRA-LARGE, EVEN MORESO.
STICK AROUND FOR JAMES CORDEN'S

1196
00:40:20,752 --> 00:40:24,754
EXTRA-LARGE, EVEN MORESO.
STICK AROUND FOR JAMES CORDEN'S
T-SHIRT'S SHOW, GOODNIGHT

1197
00:40:24,756 --> 00:40:25,622
STICK AROUND FOR JAMES CORDEN'S
T-SHIRT'S SHOW, GOODNIGHT
♪

1198
00:40:28,826 --> 00:40:30,927
<font color="#ffff00"> Captioning sponsored by CBS</font>
Captioned by
<font color="#00ffff"> Media Access Group at WGBH</font>

1199
00:40:30,929 --> 00:40:33,229
Captioned by
<font color="#00ffff"> Media Access Group at WGBH</font>
access.wgbh.org