Captioning sponsored by CBS >> IT'S A SICKNESS THAT IS NEW TO DOCTORS, AND AN ATTORNEY IS
USING IT AS AN EXCUSE FOR
SUSPECTED CAPITOL HILL RIOTERS.
IT IS CALLED "FOXITIS."
YOU KNOW FOXITIS-- A.K.A.,
WATCHING TOO MUCH FOX NEWS.
BUT WILL THE JUDGE ACTUALLY
BUY IT?
>> ARE YOU OR A LOVED ONE
SUFFERING FROM FOXITIS, A
SERIOUS MEDICAL CONDITION
AFFECTING MANY OLDER AMERICANS
AND PEOPLE WHO ARE HORDING
CANNED GOODS IN THEIR SHEDS.
SYMPTOMS OF FOXITIS INCLUDE:
THANKFULLY, THERE IS A CURE. INTRODUCING "OFF." FROM THE MAKERS OF MUTE AND
CHANGE THE CHANNEL.
>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." TONIGHT:
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES
FORMER FIRST LADY MICHELLE
OBAMA, WITH A SPECIAL APPEARANCE
BY SETH ROGEN.
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S
STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: OH, HEY.
YOU JUST CAUGHT ME JAMMING.
WELCOME-- THAT'S ALL WE DO IS
JAM IN HERE BETWEEN SHOWS.
WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
FOLKS, I HAVE A F PEP IN MY STE.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOPEFUL SIGNS
THAT, AT LONG LAST, AMERICA MAY
BE EMERGING FROM THE PANDEMIC.
PEOPLE ARE WALKING AROUND
OUTSIDE WITHOUT MASKS, THIS
WEEKEND FAMILIES WERE ABLE TO
COME TOGETHER SAFELY FOR
MOTHER'S DAY, AND BENNIFER IS
BACK!
NATURE IS HEALING.
OH, AND THERE'S MORE GOOD NEWS
ON THE HORIZON.
AND I'LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST IN
TONIGHT'S "THE VAX-SCENE."
♪ GET YOUR VACCINE
AND DON'T GET SICK!
♪ GO GET YOUR VACCINE
DON'T BE A DICK!
♪ JUST ROLL UP THAT ARM
SHOW OFF YOUR PECKS!
♪ NO NEED FOR ALARM
NO MICROCHIP!
♪ LET'S GO BREATHE SOME AIR!
CUT YOUR HAIR!
SQUEEZE INTO YOUR SKINNY PANTS!♪
>> Stephen: OH, "IT" WAS THE CLOWN! ( LAUGHTER )
CURRENTLY, MORE THAN 58% OF U.S.
ADULTS HAVE RECEIVED AT LEAST
ONE SHOT, WHICH HAS LED
DOCTORS TO SAY, "THIS SUMMER IS
GOING TO SEEM SO MUCH CLOSER TO
NORMAL THAN WE'VE HAD IN A VERY
LONG TIME."
YES!
A NORMAL SUMMER!
GOING UP TO THE LODGE WITH THE
FAMILY, LEARNING HOW TO SAMBA
FROM THAT ROGUE DANCE
INSTRUCTOR-- EVEN THOUGH MY
PARENTS DON'T APPROVE-- THEN
SHOWING EVERYONE I'M AN
INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO'S HAD THE
TIME OF HER LIFE, AND I'VE NEVER
FELT THIS WAY BEFORE!
A WHOLE NEW CATEGORY OF PEOPLE
ARE NOW ELIGIBLE, BECAUSE
YESTERDAY, THE F.D.A. AUTHORIZED
THE PFIZER CORONAVIRUS VACCINE
FOR ADOLESCENTS 12 TO 15 YEARS
OLD.
T.B.H., THAT'S GUCCI.
BEING ABLE TO TOTES-HUG YOUR FAM
IS LIT.
I SHIP ADOLESCENTS AGES 12 TO
15 AND THIS VACCINE.
HUNDO P.
I PITY THE FOOL.
DON'T DO DRUGS-- EXCEPT FOR THE
VACCINE.
BUT MANY ADULTS ARE HESITANT TO
GET THE VACCINE, SO SOME PLACES
ARE OFFERING REWARDS, LIKE A
BREWERY IN BUFFALO OFFERING FREE
BEER AS AN INCENTIVE FOR PEOPLE
TO GET VACCINATED.
FINALLY, A WAY TO GET THE
RESIDENTS OF BUFFALO DRINKING
BEER!
MEANWHILE, DOWN STATE, HERE IN
NEW YORK CITY, THE CITY WILL
START OFFERING VACCINES AT
SUBWAY STOPS.
BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE THING
EVERYBODY THINKS IN THE SUBWAY
IT'S, "I WISH I COULD HAVE A
MEDICAL PROCEDURE HERE."
THERE WON'T BE A NEED FOR A
FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENT, BECAUSE
OFFICIALS WILL USE THE JOHNSON &
JOHNSON VACCINE AT THE STATIONS.
SURE, THEY SAY THAT, BUT HALFWAY
THROUGH, THEY'LL SWITCH TO
MODERNA FOR NO REASON, AND THEN
YOU'LL HAVE TO GET OFF AT 14th
STREET TO WAIT FOR ANOTHER SHOT.
FOR THOSE PEOPLE NOT IN NEW
YORK, GETTING A SHOT MIGHT NOT
BE AS EASY AS GETTING ON A
SUBWAY.
BUT EARLY TODAY, PRESIDENT BIDEN
ANNOUNCED SOME HELP FOR THAT.
>> TO ENSURE THAT TRANSPORTATION
IS LESS OF A BARRIER, FROM MAY
24 TO JULY 4, UBER AND LYFT--
UBER AND LYFT ARE BOTH GONNA
OFFER EVERYONE FREE RIDES TO AND
FROM VACCINATION SITES.
I THINK THAT IS REALLY STEPPING
UP.
BOTH UBER AND LYFT, FREE RIDES
TO-- THEY'LL WAIT, AND FROM--
THEY'LL TAKE YOU BACK HOME.
>> Stephen: THIS IS GREAT FOR
PATIENTS, AND EVEN GREATER
FOR ANY UBER DRIVERS WHO HAVE
THOUGHT, "I LOVE WORKING DURING
THE PANDEMIC, BUT I JUST WISH
THERE WAS A WAY TO MAKE SURE
THAT 100% OF MY PASSENGERS WERE
UNVACCINATED."
THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO DON'T
NEED ANY HELP GETTING A DOSE,
LIKE IN TUSCANY, WHERE AN
ITALIAN WOMAN WAS ACCIDENTALLY
GIVEN SIX SHOTS OF COVID-19
VACCINE.
IT WAS ALL PART OF OLIVE
GARDEN'S FAMOUS PROMOTION,
"UNLIMITED NEEDLE STICKS."
NOW, WHILE THIS LADY GOT A
LITTLE TOO MUCH VAX, THAT'S NOT
THE CASE EVERYWHERE, LIKE IN
INDIA, WHERE THE HUGE SURGE IN
CASES, ALONG WITH A VACCINE
SHORTAGE, IS PUSHING PEOPLE TO
TRY UNCONVENTIONAL TREATMENTS,
SO MUCH SO THAT DOCTORS ARE
TRYING TO CONVINCE PEOPLE THAT
THERE'S NO EVIDENCE SMEARING
YOURSELF IN COW DUNG CURES
CORONAVIRUS.
THOUGH, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE IT
WILL KEEP PEOPLE SIX FEET AWAY.
THERE'S A NEW BOOK COMING OUT
ABOUT THE SECRET SERVICE, FOR
THOSE OF YOU WHO READ.
AND THIS BOOK HAS SOME JUICY
DETAILS ABOUT FORMER
PRESIDENT "SHAVED GRIMACE."
ACCORDING TO THE BOOK, THE
FORMER FIRST FAMILY GOT VERY
CLOSE TO THEIR SECRET SERVICE
DETAILS.
IN FACT, AT ONE POINT VANESSA,
WIFE OF DON JR., STARTED DATING
ONE OF THE SECRET SERVICE
AGENTS.
I'D SAY THAT'S UNPROFESSIONAL,
BUT IT WAS SECRET.
AND I'M GUESSING SOMEONE WAS
BEING SERVICED.
BUT NOT EVERYBODY LOVED THEIR
SECRET SERVICE GUARDS SO
LITERALLY, PARTICULARLY NOT THE
MARGINALLY SENTIENT SPRAY TAN IN
THE OVAL OFFICE.
APPARENTLY, THE FORMER PRESIDENT
WAS CONSUMED WITH GETTING
OVERWEIGHT SECRET SERVICE AGENTS
REMOVED FROM THEIR POSTS, SAYING
HE WANTED "THESE FAT GUYS OFF
MY DETAIL."
HE WAS PARTICULARLY UPSET WITH
THE AGENT THAT THEY POSTED IN
HIS BATHROOM MIRROR EVERY
MORNING.
THAT WASN'T THE ONLY COMPLAINT
FROM THE "OAF OF OFFICE."
HE ALSO PROPOSED A
MULTIMILLION-DOLLAR RENOVATION
"TO DIG UP AND REPLACE ALL THE
LOWERED GATES, BECAUSE HE HATED
THE BUMP HE FELT WHEN HIS LIMO
DROVE OVER THEM."
I'M SURPRISED THE FORMER
PRESIDENT COULDN'T HANDLE THAT.
RUMOR IS, DON JR. LOVES A LITTLE
BUMP.
HEY, SPEAKING OF RICH PEOPLE:
BOATS!
I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE
LATEST BOAT NEWS IN MY NEW
SEAFARING SEGMENT, "YACHT
WACHTCH!"
>> OH, REGATTA GET A YACHT!
>> Stephen: THE PANDEMIC HAS
BEEN A BOOM TIME FOR
BILLIONAIRES, AND THEY ARE USING
THEIR PROFITS TO GIVE BACK TO
HARD-HIT COMMUNITIES-- AS LONG
AS THOSE COMMUNITIES BUILD GIANT
SHINY NEW YACHTS.
TONIGHT'S FEATURED LUXURY
BOATSMAN: AMAZON C.E.O. JEFF
BEZOS, SEEN HERE LEARNING WHERE
HIS WAREHOUSE WORKERS HAVE TO
PEE.
TODAY, WE LEARNED THAT BEZOS
WILL SOON RECEIVE DELIVERY OF A
$500 MILLION MEGA-YACHT.
DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHEN IT WILL
BE DELIVERED, BUT WE DO KNOW IT
WILL COME IN A MUCH BIGGER BOX.
NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
THINKING: "STEVE, SO ONE RICH
GUY GOT A SUPER YACHT.
IS THIS REALLY A FULL 'YACHT
WACHTCH'?
WELL, YACHT WACHTCH THIS:
JEFF BEZOS' SUPER YACHT IS SO
BIG IT NEEDS ITS OWN YACHT.
AND DON'T YOU DARE JUDGE.
THERE'S A PERFECTLY GOOD
REASON FOR THIS YACHT TO HAVE
ITS OWN YACHT.
THE SECOND YACHT IS THE SAME
SUPPORT YACHT.
YOU CAN TELL WHICH ONE IS THE
SUPPORT YACHT BECAUSE IT HAS
THAT LITTLE VEST.
THAT WAY, YOU CAN TAKE THE YACHT
ON THE PLANE WITH YOU.
HERE'S WHY BEZOS NEEDS IT.
THE MOMMY YACHT WILL BE POWERED
WITH THE ASSISTANCE OF THREE
GIANT MASTS, AND THOSE SAILS
MEAN IT WILL NOT SPORT A
HELIPAD, SO THEY NEED A SEPARATE
SHIP WITH A DEDICATED LANDING
FACILITY.
I MEAN, WHO HASN'T NEEDED A
SEPARATE YACHT JUST FOR HIS
HELICOPTER?
BEZOS TRULY IS AN EVERYMAN--
IN THAT HE HAS THE COMBINED
WEALTH OF EVERY MAN.
SEE YOU AT THE SHOW TRIALS,
JEFF!
HEY, WE GOT ANOTHER SIGN THAT
THINGS ARE RETURNING TO NORMAL,
BECAUSE YESTERDAY, RUSSIAN
PRESIDENT VLADIMIR PUTIN PLAYED
ICE HOCKEY FOR THE FIRST TIME
SINCE THE PANDEMIC.
AND EVEN THOUGH PUTIN WAS
PLAYING WITH RETIRED
PROFESSIONAL HOCKEY PLAYERS, HE
SCORED EIGHT GOALS, LEADING HIS
TEAM TO A 13-9 VICTORY.
LET'S GO TO THE HIGHLIGHTS.
HERE'S PUTIN BEFORE THE GAME,
INDICATING TO SNIPERS WHICH
TEAMMATES TO KEEP THEIR SIGHTS
ON, AND THERE'S PUTIN, NUMBER
11, SHAMBLING DOWN THE ICE LIKE
A PENGUIN WITH GOUT.
HE TAKES THE PASS, GOES
FIVE-HOLE AS THE GOALIE BEGS,
"PLEASE, I HAVE CHILDREN!'"
AS ALWAYS, OF COURSE, HIS MOST
IMPRESSIVE GOAL WAS SCORED ON
HORSEBACK.
THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE ON THE
WATCHING THE SHOW WHO SPEND A
FAIR AMOUNT OF TIME ON THE
SOCIAL MEDIAS, WILL KNOW THERE
WAS A BIT OF A KERFUFFLE OVER A
TWEET POSTED BY "THE NEW YORK
POST."
YOU KNOW THEIR MOTTO: "WHO GOT
STABBED TODAY-- EVERY DAY."
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.
THE "POST" DECLARED THAT
LEONARDO DICAPRIO IS
UNRECOGNIZABLE IN THE FIRST
PHOTOS RELEASED FROM HIS NEW
MARTIN SCORSESE FILM.
OKAY, "UNRECOGNIZABLE."
LET'S SEE IF WE CAN FIND HIM IN
THE SCREENSHOT THEY POSTED IN
THAT TWEET.
OKAY, LET'S TRY TO FIGURE THIS
OUT.
THEY SAY HE'S IN THERE
SOMEWHERE.
SO HE'S EITHER THE GUY WHO LOOKS
EXACTLY LIKE LEONARDO DICAPRIO,
OR HE'S DEEPLY IN CHARACTER AS A
PAIR OF SALT AND PEPPER SHAKERS.
THE ONLY THING CONFUSING ABOUT
THIS PHOTO IS WHY THE "NEW YORK
POST" THOUGHT IT WAS CONFUSING
IN ANY WAY.
LEONARDO DICAPRIO IS ONE OF THE
MOST FAMOUS PEOPLE ON THE
PLANET.
AND I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE
THAT HE WOULD EVER BE
UNRECOGNIZABLE.
AND HERE TO TALK ABOUT IT, I AM
HONORED TO WELCOME ACADEMY
AWARD-WINNING ACTOR, PRODUCER,
ENVIRONMENTAL ACTIVIST, AND
WILLOWY MODEL COLLECTOR,
LEONARDO DICAPRIO!
LEO, THANK YOU FOR DROPPING BY
ON SHORT NOTICE, MY FRIEND.
>> MY PLEASURE, STEVE.
>> Stephen: LEO, UH, I GOTTA EAT
MY WORDS A LITTLE BIT HERE.
YOU DO LOOK A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
>> EXACTLY.
THAT IS HOW YOU KNOW IT'S ME,
LEONARDO DICAPRIO.
I AM UNRECOGNIZABLE!
>> Stephen: I STAND CORRECTED.
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO?
>> OH, JUST THE USUAL LEO STUFF,
YOU KNOW, OWNING AN ISLAND,
DATING, BRINGING DATES TO
THE ISLAND.
>> Stephen: SOUNDS GOOD.
SO, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS
"NEW YORK POST" STORY?
>> OH, MAN.
I MEAN, I LOVE IT!
IT SHOWCASES MY ABILITY TO
LIKE I DID IN MY OSCAR-WINNING
PERFORMANCE. "SHOW ME THE
MONEY!"
>> Stephen: THAT'S CUBA GOODING
JR. IN "JERRY MCGUIRE."
YOU WON FOR "THE REVENANT."
>> OH, YEAH, OF COURSE, RIGHT.
I MEANT "SHOW ME THE REVENANT!"
>> Stephen: I'M STARTING TO
THINK YOU MIGHT NOT BE LEO.
>> NO, IT'S ME.
THE 'NARDO!
YOU WANT ME TO PAINT YOU LIKE
ONE OF MY FRENCH GIRLS, OR
OR WHATEVER?
LET'S EAT SOME GILBERT GRAPES!
>> Stephen: THIS IS
EMBARRASSING.
YOU'RE CLEARLY SETH ROGEN.
>> NO, IT'S ME!
REMEMBER?
I WAS IN "THE DEPARTED."
I AD THAT FAMOUS LINE: "GUYS,
WE GOTTA LEAVE RIGHT NOW.
LET'S GET DEPARTED."
LET'S SEE I WAS IN... WHAT ELSE?
I WAS IN "GROWING
PAINS"?
WOW, THAT'S CRAZY.
>> Stephen: OKAY, I ACCEPT
THAT YOU'RE LEO.
>> I AM, I VERY MUCH AM.
AND WHILE I'M HERE, I, LEONARDO
DICAPRIO, WOULD LIKE TO
OFFICIALLY ENDORSE HOUSEPLANT,
YOUR ONE-STOP SHOP FOR CANNABIS
LOVERS AND OTHER STUFF LIKE
THAT.
IT'S RUN BY SETH ROGEN, WHO IS A
MUCH SEXIER, HOTTER THAN ME,
LEONARDO DICAPRIO.
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT GRATE
SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS FORMER FIRST LADY
MICHELLE OBAMA.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK TO "A LOT SHOW."
LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.
JON, HOW ARE YOU?
>> Jon: I'M GOOD.
I'M FEELING LIFE RIGHT NOW.
I'M FEELING LIFE.
WE'RE ALIVE.
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE OUR LIVES
AND LIFE IS ONLY GETTING MORE
LIVELY.
DID YOU HEAR THAT TODAY-- HOW
MANY, MANY?
AT LEAST A HALF A DOZEN BROADWAY
SHOWS ANNOUNCED THEIR RETURN TO
BROADWAY.
ARE WE ONE OF THEM?
DID WE ANNOUNCE YET?
BUT WE'RE ANNOUNCING SOON,
RIGHT?
WE WILL KNOW SOON WHEN WE'RE
COMING BACK.
JON, I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU IN
PERSON.
>> Jon: MAN, I CAN'T WAIT.
>> Stephen: DON'T GET ME
WRONG.
I DIG THE ALBUM.
I BIG "SOUL."
BUT TO BE IN THE ROOM WHEN YOU
AND THE BAND ARE PLAYING IS A
WHOLE OTHER LEVEL.
>> Jon: OH, IT'S LEVEL.
IT'S ABOUT TO BE ON FIRE.
COME ON, BROADWAY!
LET US IN THERE!
>> Stephen: I AM DECLARING--
THIS IS AN OFFICIAL
ANNOUNCEMENT-- WE WILL BE BACK
IN THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER SOON.
YOU CAN HOLD ME TO THAT AND I
WILL ATTEMPT TO HOLD SOMEONE
ELSE TO THAT, ALL RIGHT?
JON, YOU KNOW WHO I'M TALKING TO
IN JUST A MINUTE.
>> Jon: I KNOW, COME ON NOW,
THE FIRST LADY.
>> Stephen: MICHELLE OBAMA.
>> Jon: THE ORIGINAL FIRST
LADY.
>> Stephen: THE ORIGINAL,
ACTUALLY, THE ORIGINAL.
SHE IS-- SHE IS AN ORIGINAL, I
WILL SAY THAT.
DO YOU HAVE ANY MUSIC.
DO YOU HAVE ANY PROPER
TRANSITION MUSIC FROM THIS
MOMENT SPEAKING TO SUCH A LOVELY
PARAGON AS MICHELLE OBAMA?
>> Jon: OH, YEAH.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: I HOPE SHE WAS
LISTENING.
JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU, JON.
FOLKS AS I ARB LEWDED JUST A
MOMENT AGO WITH JON BATISTE, I
RECENTLY HAD THE GREAT PLIJ TO
GO DOWN TO WASHINGTON, D.C., FOR
AN IN-PERSON CONVERSATION WITH
FORMER FIRST LADY MICHELLE
OBAMA, IN IN THE VERY SAME ROOM
I INTERVIEWED HER HUSBAND LAST
NOVEMBER.
NICE TO SEE YOU.
WE HAVE TALKED FOR YEARS AND I
ALWAYS CALLED YOU MADAM FIRST
LADY.
AND I GOT AN EMAIL FROM YOU
ABOUT A YEAR AGO.
IT'S AN ACTUAL EMAIL, AND IT
SAID-- IT SAYS, "HEY, STEPHEN
AND EVIE.
GREAT TO HEAR FROM YOU BOTH.
AND YOU DEFINITELY HAVE TO CUT
OUT THE 'MADAM FIRST LADI'
STUFF.
LOVE."
SO I JUST WANT TO CONFIRM, HERE,
FOR THE CAMERAS.
THAT YOU WOULD PREFER I CALL YOU
BY YOUR FIRST NAME.
I'M ABOUT TO CROSS THAT RUBICON.
>> PLEASE, COME, COME OVER TO
THE LIGHT SIDE.
LIKE "MADAM FIRST LADY."
THAT'S SOMEBODY ELSE NOW.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, I'LL
GIVE IT A SHOT.
>> OKAY, LET'S TRY IT.
BREATHE IN
( BREATHES )
OKAY.
>> Stephen: SO NICE TO SEE
YOU, MICHELLE.
>> DID YOU IT!
GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: I HAD THE PLEASURE
OF SITTING DOWN WITH YOUR
HUSBAND IN NOVEMBER, AND I
IMAGINE THAT OVER THE COURSE OF
YOUR LIFE TOGETHER-- BECAUSE
YOU'RE BOTH INCREDIBLY BUSY
PEOPLE-- THAT THERE HAVE BEEN
LONG PERIODS OF TIME--
ESPECIALLY THE EIGHT YEARS IN
THE WHITE HOUSE-- WHERE YOU
DIDN'T SEE EACH OTHER AS MUCH AS
YOU'D LIKE TO.
OVER THE LAST YEAR YOU'VE BEEN
TOGETHER--
>> A LOT.
>> Stephen: ALL THE TIME.
HOW HAS THAT WORKED OUT?
IS HE GOOD COMPANY?
>> HE IS.
IT IS GOOD, AND I THINK IT'S
EVEN BETTER BECAUSE WE DON'T--
TE PRESSURES THAT WERE THERE
ARE ALSO GONE.
THEY'RE DIFFERENT.
OUR KIDS ARE INDEPENDENT BEINGS.
WE'RE NOT WORRYING ABOUT FEEDING
THEM OR CURFEW, ALL THOSE THINGS
--
>> Stephen: BUT THEY WERE
LIVING WITH YOU FOR A WHILE.
>> TEY WERE BUT THEY'RE ADULTS.
AND IT'S SORT OF LIKE, HEY, IT'S
YOUR LIFE.
>> Stephen: MORE LIKE
ROOMMATES THAN CHILDREN?
>> IT WAS.
GOOD COMPANY, GOOD COMPANY.
BUT IT'S BEEN LOVELY.
I MEAN WE'VE-- IT'S-- THE
FRIENDSHIP THAT WAS THE
FOUNDATION OF ALL OF THIS IS
STILL THERE.
>> Stephen: OH, THAT'S WHY I
LIKE YOU.
>> THAT'S EXACTLY --
>> Stephen: YOU TURNED OUT TO
BE PRETTY GOOD COMPANY.
>> THAT'S WHAT I TELL YOUNG
PEOPLE, YOUNG COUPLES.
IT'S LIKE, IT'S GOING TO COME
FULL CIRCLE, ESPECIALLY IF YOU
HAVE LITTLE KIDS AND WORKING AND
HAVE A CAREER.
YOU LOOK OVER AT THAT GUY AND
YOU'RE LIKE, WHY DID I DO THIS?
I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER.
BUT YOU COME FULL CIRCLE, KIDS
ARE OUT OF THE HOUSE HOUSE.
AND IT'S LIKE, "OH!
YOU'RE KIND OF CUTE."
THAT'S WHERE WE ARE NOW.
"LOOK AT YOU IN YOUR LITTLE GOLF
OUTFIT."
WHEN HE GOES TO GOLF, IT'S LIKE,
"MMM, YOU LOOK CUTE."
I FEEL IT NOW.
SO IT'S BEEN GOOD.
>> Stephen: THE KIDS,
OBVIOUSLY, YOU LOVE YOUR
CHILDREN UNCONDITIONALLY.
THEY LOVE YOU.
>> MY FAVORITE PEOPLE IN THE
WORLD.
>> Stephen: AT WHAT POINT DID
THEY SAY TO YOU OVER THE LAST
YEAR, "YOU GUYS, WE LOVE YOU.
BUT YOU'RE A DRAG.
WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE."
>> THEY WENT TO THE WEST COAST
AND THEY'VE BEEN GONE.
THEY JUST LEFT.
>> Stephen: DID THEY LEAVE A
FORWARDING ADDRESS.
>> WE KNOW WHERE THEY ARE.
BUT THEY DON'T CHECK IN MUCH.
BUT IT'S BEEN ALMOST A YEAR,
RIGHT.
AND IN THE HEIGHT OF QUARANTINE,
YOU KNOW, WE'LL SAY IT STARTED
IN MARCH.
BY THE SUMMER, WE WERE, LIKE,
OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH OF YOU.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO
SAY.
OUR YOUNGEST, SACHA, WHO IS NOT
AS TALKATIVE AS OUR OLDER ONE IS
LIKE, "I REALLY HAVE NOTHING TO
SAY TO YOU.
I DON'T.
I'M NOT EVEN TRYING ANYMORE."
BUT WE GOT THROUGH A COUPLE GOOD
MONTHS OF FEELING GOOD, BEING
AROUND EACH GLRG YOUR HUSBAND
EXPLAINED WHAT A LOT OF PEOPLE
WENT THROUGH, WHICH IS THE KIDS
ARE HOME, THERE'S MOVIE NIGHT--
>> GAME N95.
>> Stephen: GAMES, STUFF LIKE
THAT.
WHO MADE THE CALL ON THE MOVIES?
LIKE, WHO WAS THE--
>> MALIA.
MALIA IS THE MOVIE SAVANITY.
SHE'S VERY CLEAR-- ALTHOUGH WE
DON'T LIKE THE SAME MOVIES.
SHE AND BARACK LIKE DARK AND
SAD.
AND SASHA AND I WE WANT A LITTLE
LAUGHTER AND FRIVOLITY.
>> Stephen: BUT THEY HAVE TO
DO IMPORTANT MOVIES.
>> YOU KNOW, IT SEEMS LIKE THEY
TAKE THEMSELVES A LITTLE
SERIOUSLY WITH THEIR MOVIES, YOU
KNOW.
AND THEY LIKE TO REHASH DARK
MOMENTS.
BARACK'S TASTE IN MOVIES IS
EVERYBODY IS SAD, AND THEN THEY
DIE.
THOSE ARE-- YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO
BE CAREFUL.
>> Stephen: ALL THIS YEAR'S
OSCAR NOMINEES.
>> RIGHT.
HE RECOMMENDS IT --
>> Stephen: HOW ABOUT "JUDAH
AND THE BLACK MESSIAH?"
YOU TALKED ABOUT, SOME AN
EXPERIENCE YOU HAD THIS PAST
YEAR WITH LOW-GRADE DEPRESSION,
YOU CALL IT.
AND I HAVE A TWO-PART QUESTION
WHICH IS, ONE IS, IT'S VERY
COMMON PEOPLE THIS YEAR-- VERY
COMMON IN GENERAL, BUT
ESPECIALLY THIS YEAR.
HOW DID YOU COPE WITH IT?
AND WHY JUST LOW GRADE?
BECAUSE I GET THE HIGH-OCTANE.
>> RIGHT, RIGHT.
WELL, YOU KNOW, OVER THE COURSE
OF YOUR LIFE AS YOU KNOW, THIS
IS A PART OF..., YOU KNOW.
NOBODY RIDES LIFE ON A HIGH.
AND I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT FOR
YOUNG PEOPE TO KNOW THAT.
IT'S LIKE, NO, YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO FEEL GREAT ALL THE TIME.
AND THERE ARE MOMENTS IN ALL OF
OUR LIVES, PARTICULARLY IN THE
MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC, AND, YOU
KNOW, UNREST, RACIAL UNREST,
YOU'RE GOING TO FEEL KIND OF A
WAY ABOUT IT SO GIVE YOURSELF A
BREAK.
BEING 57, I KNOW THAT THAT'S
TRUE.
SO OVER THE COURSE OF WHYURE
ADULTHOOD YOU DEVELOP YOUR OWN
TOOLS, AND FOR ME, IT'S TURNING
OFF THE NOISE THAT IS UPSETTING.
UN, KNOWING THAT I CAN'T KEEP
READING ALL THE FEEDS THAT ARE,
YOU KNOW, FUELING MY ANXIETY AND
TAKING A BREAK FROM IT.
I DID THAT AS FIRST LADY.
THERE WERE JUST TIMES THAT I
COULDN'T HEAR THE BAD NEWS ABOUT
THE COUNTRY THAT I HAD TO SERVE
BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THE NEWS
ISN'T A FULL REFLECTION OF WHAT
THE COUNTRY IS.
AND IF I --
>> Stephen: THEY ALL KIND OF
NEED THE BAD NEWS BECAUSE THE
DRAMA OF THE STORY OF THE
CONFLICT IS ACTUALLY PART OF THE
BUSINESS MODEL.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
BUT IT'S NOT REALITY.
IT'S NOT HOW PEOPLE LIVE THEIR
DAY-TO-DAY LIVES.
SO I PULLED BACK FROM IT.
I SURROUND MYSELF WITH THINGS
THAT MAKE ME FEEL GOOD-- FAMILY,
FRIENDS, WALKS, EXERCISE.
SO WHEN I TALK TO MY KIDS ABOUT
THAT, I TRY TO URGE THEM TO
UNDERSTAND THAT THE VALLEYS ARE
TEMPORARY, AND SO ARE THE PEAKS.
THEY CAN BE TEMPORARY.
AND THEY HAVE TO BE PREPARED TO
HANDLE THE HIGHS AND THE LOWS.
SO I'M TRYING TO GET THEM AND
OTHER YOUNG PEOPLE TO START
THINKING ABOUT WHAT ARE YOUR
TOOLS, THE THINGS THAT BRING YOU
JOY, THE THINGS THAT BRING YOU
CALM AND PEACE?
I KNOW THOSE THINGS FOR MYSELF
NOW.
BUT IT'S TAKEN DECADES TO
DEVELOP THOSE TOOLS.
SO WE HAVE TO BE PATIENT WITH
OURSELVES, PARTICULARLY IN TIMES
THAT ARE HARD, YOU KNOW,.
>> Stephen: THE DIFFICULTY FOR
ME IS I KNOW THE THINGS THAT
WILL ACTUALLY MAKE ME FEEL
BETTER, AND I DON'T WANT TO DO
THEM.
>> WELL WHAT-- THAT DOESN'T MAKE
ANY SENSE, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: NO, BECAUSE THEY
REQUIRE YOU TO DO SOMETHING.
WHEN I'M DEPRESSED I DON'T WANT
TO DO ANYTHING.
>> YOU DON'T WANT TO DO
ANYTHING.
>> Stephen: THAT'S PART OF THE
ODD TRAP OF DEPRESSION.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
FOR ME, I HAVE TO PUSH BEYOND
THAT, RIGHT.
SO THAT-- HAVING A SCHEDULE,
EVEN IN QUARANTINE, WAS
SOMETHING THAT I DID.
I WOKE UP, I TOOK A SHOWER, I
WORKED OUT, I GOT DRESSED EVERY
DAY.
YOU KNOW, THERE WASN'T A DAY
THAT WENT BY THAT I DIDN'T DO
THAT BECAUSE IT'S JUST THE DOING
THAT GETS YOU OUT OF THE FUNK.
I FIND IF I SPEND THE WHOLE DAY
IN A SOUR MOOD, LIGHTS OUT, IN
THE BED, THE NEXT DAY I'LL FEEL
THE SAME WAY.
BUT FIGET UP AND I SHOWER--
SOMETHING MIGHT HAPPEN IN THE
COURSE OF ME DOING SOMETHING
THAT REALLY KNOCKS ME INTO A
POSITIVE PLACE.
SO I TRY TO FIGHT THE TENDENCY
TO NOT-- TO SORT OF WALLOW IN MY
LOW, YOU KNOW, WHAT I'M SAYING?
>> Stephen: I DO KNOW, I DO
KNOW.
>> DON'T WALLOW IN YOUR LOW,
STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: I KNOW THAT'S THE
RIGHT THING TO DO.
>> OPEN THE BLINDS, GET OUT OF
BED.
COME ON, GET UP, TALK A SHOWER,
SHAVE.
>> Stephen: CAN I GET THAT AS
MY ALARM IN THE MORNING?
CAN I GET A COPY OF THAT AND
HAVE MY iPHONE PLAY THAT FOR
ME?
YOU SAID A MOMENT AGO THAT
YOU'RE 57 YEARS OLD.
I'M GOING TO BE 57 IN A COUPLE
OF DAYS.
>> WOO-HOO.
>> Stephen: YOU AND I ARE
ABOUT THE SAME AGE.
YOUR HUSBAND IS ABOUT TO TURN
60.
>> HE'S AN OLD MAN.
>> Stephen: AS A FELLOW
EXEN-XER, IS IT HARD TO RELATE?
>> IT'S THE WAY HE TALKS,
THINKS-- I'M KIDDING.
DID YOU HAVE TV WHEN YOU WERE
GROWING UP?
YEAH, NO.
HE'S GOING TO BE OLD!
60!
( LAUGHTER )
BUT HE LOOKS GOOD.
I LIKE HIM.
SO IT'S LIKE --
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND.
>> YOU'RE CUTE.
>> Stephen: YOU LOOK GOOD FOR
A 60-YEAR-OLD.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK.
STICK AROUND E'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH MORE OF THE STAR OF "WAFFLE
AND MOCHI" ON
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. WE'RE BACK WITH MY FRIEND
MICHELLE, WHO YOU MIGHT KNOW AS
THE FORMER FIRST LADY.
IN YOUR BOOK "BECOMING" RIGHT
HERE.
>> THANK YOU FOR THAT.
>> Stephen: IT'S CROWN BOOKS,
$32.50, CANADA'S $40.
LET'S TRY TO MOVE SOME PAPER
HERE.
HOW ARE SALES?
>> THEY'RE GOING OKAY.
THEY'RE GOOD.
>> Stephen: YOU WROTE DURING
THE 2008 CAMPAIGN, MALIA'S
DOCTOR SAID HER B.M.I. WAS
GETTING HIGH.
>> WELL, IT WASN'T DURING-- I
TALKED ABOUT IT, BUT IT HAPPENED
WHEN SHE WAS MUCH YOUNGER.
SHE WAS, LIKE, FOUR-- FOUR AT
THE TIME.
>> Stephen: AND THAT LED YOU
TO MAKE SOME CHANGES IN YOUR
FAMILY DIET.
>> I MEAN, IT WAS THE FIRST TIME
THAT I REALIZED WHAT I WAS
FEEDING MY KID WASN'T REALLY
HELPFUL.
BUT WE WERE IN THAT MODE.
WE WERE TWO HOUSEHOLDS, PARENTS
WORKING, TRAVELING, TRYING TO
GET THINGS DONE.
SO WE WERE DOING A LOT OF QUICK,
FAST, YOU KNOW, READY-TO-OPEN,
PROCESSED FOODS, A LOT OF SUGARY
DRINKS THAT WERE IN
EASY-TO-CARRY PACKS.
AND I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT THOSE
LITTLE THINGS WERE LOADED WITH
SUGAR AND HIDDEN SODIUM AND
THINGS THAT, YOU KNOW, COULD NOT
BE GOOD FOR YOUR KIDS.
AND I THOUGHT, MY GOSH, IF I
DON'T KNOW THIS-- AND I'M
PRINCETON AND HARVARD EDUCATED
AND A LAWYER, ALL THIS SORT OF
STUFF-- WHAT DO THE AVERAGE
PARENTS KNOW?
>> Stephen: SO THAT INTEREST
IN NUTRITION, ESPECIALLY FOR
CHILDREN, HAS LED TO THE NEW
NETFLIX SHOW "WAFFLES + MOCHI."
AND YOUR INVOLVEMENT WITH A
PARTNERSHIP FOR A HEALTHIER
AMERICA.
LET'S TALK "WAFFLES + MOCHI."
>> AREN'T THEY ADORABLE?
>> Stephen: THERE'S MOCHI,
OBVIOUSLY, LOOKING LUKE A MOCHI.
THIS IS WAFFLES, AN INTERESTING
BACKSTORY.
WE LEARN IN THE FIRST EPISODE,
THAT WAFFLE RIGHT HERE, WAFFLE'S
FATHER SAY FROZEN WAFFLE, AND
HIS MOTHER IS A YEDI.
>> IT'S A MIXED MARRIAGE.
>> Stephen: YEAH, THEY MAKE IT
WORK?
>> WHEN YOU MEET IN THE LAND OF
FROZEN FOOD, ANYTHING CAN
HAPPEN.
>> Stephen: SURE.
WELL, IT'S CURIOUS HOW THAT
HAPPENS.
IT PAINT A PICTURE, DAD IS A
WAFFLE, MOM IS A YEDI.
>> WE DON'T WANT TO MAKE IT THAT
EXPLICIT.
WAFFLES IS HERE, AND SHE'S
MAGICAL.
>> Stephen: YES.
>> SHE WAS-- SHE WAS CREATED
WITH LOVE.
>> Stephen: AREN'T WE ALL?
( LAUGHTER )
ONE OF THE THINGS THAT WE'VE ALL
LEARNED DURING THE COVID
PANDEMIC IS IT REVEALED SOME OF
THE INEQUITIES IN OUR-- IN OUR--
THE SYSTEM OF FOOD SUPPLY, IN
OUR HEALTH SYSTEM, AND HOW ALL
THOSE THINGS HAVE AN IMPACT ON
PEOPLE'S ABILITY TO REACT AND
SURVIVE COVID.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: HOW DOES THE
PARTNERSHIP FOR A HEALTHY
AMERICA WANT TO ADDRESS THAT?
IS THAT SOME PART OF WHAT YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
THE SHOW IS A FUN FAMILY
ADVENTURE WHERE THESE WONDERFUL
CHARACTERS TRAVEL THE WORLD.
>> Stephen: YOU MEAN WAFFLES
AND MOCHI?
>> WAFFLES AND MOCHI, AND THEY
EXPLORE FOODS, AND THEY LEARN
ABOUT THEM.
IT'S DESIGNED TO ENCOURAGE KIDS
TO TRY NEW THINGS.
IT'S NOT JUDGMENTAL.
IT'S FUN.
EXCITING.
IT'S A TRAVEL SHOW.
SO WE WERE THINKING WHAT ABOUT
THE FAMILIES THAT CAN'T AFFORD
THIS FOOD, DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO
IT, YOU KNOW?
THEY CAN'T PARTICIPATE BECAUSE
THERE ARE MILLIONS OF FAMILIES
IN AMERICA THAT ARE GOING HUNGRY
IN ONE OF THE RICHEST NATIONS ON
THIS EARTH, WE'VE GOT FAMILIES
GOING HUNGRY.
AND IT'S NOT THAT WE DON'T HAVE
THE FOOD.
YOU KNOW, WE JUST DON'T HAVE THE
SYSTEM OF EQUITY THAT MAKES SURE
THAT PEOPLE CAN EAT.
SO WE'VE DEVELOPED SOMETHING
CALLED "PASS THE LOVE" CAMPAIGN,
WHERE WE'RE WORKING TO PROVIDE
MEALS TO FAMILIES, MEAL KITS
THAT ALLOW ONE MILLION FAMILIES
TO PREPARE THESE WONDERFUL
MEALS.
>> Stephen: HOW DO THEY GET
THEM?
>> FOR THEIR KIDS.
WE'RE WORKING WITH THE
PARTNERSHIP FOR A HEALTHIER
AMERICA, ALONG WITH WALMART AND
BLUE APRON, BIRD'S EYE AND
BOUNTY.
SO WE'VE GOT PARTNERS THAT ARE
GOING TO WORK TO, YOU KNOW,
RAISE THIS MONEY AND GET THESE
MEAL KITS TO FAMILIES.
BUT THAT ALONE WILL NOT SOLVE
THIS ISSUE.
AND --
>> Stephen: I HAVE A BIG
QUESTION, AND I HOPE YOU DON'T
FIND THIS A STRANGE QUESTION.
BUT WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
BECAUSE THIS SEEMS VERY MUCH
LIKE THE SORT OF THING A FIRST
LADY WOULD DO.
AND YOU ACTUALLY ARE UNDER NO
OBLIGATION TO ACTUALLY BE
HELPFUL TO THE REST OF SOCIETY
RIGHT NOW.
YOU PAID YOUR DUES.
YOU DID YOUR TIME AS THE FIRST
LADY.
DID A GREAT JOB, "LET'S MOVE"
WAS VERY SUCCESSFUL.
BUT THERE IS NO EXPECTATION THAT
YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS AT
THIS POINT.
>> NO, NO.
>> Stephen: WHAT MAKES YOU
WANT TO DO IT?
>> IT'S MY OWN PERSONAL
EXPECTATION.
WE STILL HAVE AN AMAZING
PLATFORM, AND WE'RE STILL YOUNG.
BARACK ISN'T, BUT I AM.
>> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE.
( LAUGHTER )
WE'VE GOT A LOT OF YEARS LEFT.
AND IT'S HARD TO JUST SIT BACK
AND NOT CONTINUE TO BE ENGAGED
IN ISSUES THAT MATTER.
AND WE HAD THE PRIVILEGE OF
HAVING THIS AMAZING DEAL WITH
NETFLIX THROUGH OUR HIGHER
GROUND PRODUCTION COMPANY, WHERE
WE CAN CREATE SHOWS AND DO
THINGS.
WE'VE GOT THIS NEW PLATFORM.
WE STRIL US.
WE'RE THINKING OKAY IF WE'RE
GOING TO DO THIS SHOW, WHAT
ABOUT FAMILIES IN NEED THAT
CAN'T ENGAGE?
WHAT CAN WE DO TO BRIDGE THAT
GAP?
AND WE STILL HAVE RELATIONSHIPS
WITH THE PARTNERSHIP FOR A
HEALTHIER AMERICA WHICH WE
STARTED AS FIRST LADY THROUGH
OUR "LET'S MOVE" INITIATIVE, AND
THEY'RE STILL WORKING ON THESE
ISSUES.
SO WE'RE NOT DONE YET, NOR
SHOULD WE BE.
THAT'S PART OF KIND OF THE
RESPONSIBILITY OF FORMERS.
WE STILL HAVE A PLATFORM.
AND WE'RE STILL WORKING ON
GIRLS' EDUCATION.
EVERY ISSUE THEY WORKED ON AS
FIRST LADY I'M STILL WORKING ON.
WE STILL DID A COLLEGE SIGNING
DAY WITH "REACH HIGHER."
WE'RE GOING TO DO MORE
LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT AND
MENTORSHIP THROUGH THE
FOUNDATION.
SO YOU CAN DO BOTH.
YOU CAN DO WELL AND YOU CAN DO
GOOD.
AND IT-- IT'S JUST A LOT MORE
FUN.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
BREAK.
YOU AND I STAY HERE, BUT THEY
LEAVE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF
"BECOMING" AND THE STAR AND
PRODUCER OF "WAFFLES + MOCHI" ON
NETFLIX, MICHELLE OBAMA.
LET'S DO A QUICK SPEED ROUND.
WE'RE ALL ABOUT PROMOTING BETTER
FOOD CHOICES.
WE DON'T ADVERTISE ANY PROCESSED
HOODZ ON "L "LATE SHOW,"" RIGHT?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: IT'S CALLED CHOOSE
OR LOSE.
APPLES OR ORANGES?
>> ORANGES.
>> Stephen: THIS IS A VERY
IMPORTANT ONE-- CANTALOUPE OR
HONEY DUE.
>> I DON'T LIKE EITHER.
I DON'T LIKE HONEY DEW--
LONG-STANDING --
>> Stephen: I CAN UNDERSTAND
NOT LIKING CANTALOUPE BECAUSE
IT'S A TRASH FRUIT.
>> IT'S WATERY.
>> Stephen: IT'S ON THERE JUST
TO FILL OUT THE BUFFET.
>> I HATE WHEN IT'S ON THERE.
THOSE CUBES.
AND THEN THEY KIT CUTINTO THE
RIND.
IT'S NEVER GOOD.
.>> Stephen: IT'S LIKE BARK.
>> WATERMELON I LIKE.
>> Stephen: SEEDED OR
SEEDLESS?
>> I DON'T CARE, JUICY.
>> Stephen: I LIKE THE SEEDS.
>> YOU LUKE TO SPIT THEM BACK
OUT AT PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: IT'S A PARTY GAME.
>> SO TELLING.
>> Stephen: CHOCOLATE OR
VANILLA.
>> CHOCOLATE ALL THE WAY.
I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND VANILLA.
VANILLA IS JUST A SORT OF
DISAPPOINTING CHOCOLATE.
>> Stephen: THERE IS VANILLA
IN CHOCOLATE, BUT THERE'S NO
CHOCOLATE IN VANILLA.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: DID I JUST BLOW
YOUR MIND?
>> YOU DID.
I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A
MINUTE.
>> Stephen: THIS IS A VERY
IMPORTANT CHICAGO QUESTION: DEEP
DISH OR THIN CRUST?
>> THIN CRUST, I GREW UP ON THE
SOUTH SIDE.
>> Stephen: THERE'S NO DEEP
DISH ON THE SOUTH SIDE?
>> WELL, THERE IS A KIND OF THIN
CRUST, THIS PIZZERIA IN MY
NEIGHBORHOOD, ITALIAN FIESTA,
THIN, SUARE PIZZA.
THAT'S AN INTERESTING, UNIQUE
FEATURE OF CHICAGO PIZZA.
BUT I DO LIKE CERTAIN DEEP DISH.
THERE'S A GINO'S EAST.
IT'S NOT THE STUFFED PIZZA, BUT
IT'S THE-- YOU KNOW, IT'S GOT,
LIKE SORKT OF A CRACKER CRUST TO
IT WITH A THICK LAYER.
>> Stephen: A BUTTER CRUST.
FANTASTIC.
WHAT I LIKE ABOUT CHICAGO PIZZA
IS IT'S REALLY JUST A BABY POOL
FILLED WITH CHEESE AND SAUCE.
>> THAT'S ALL YOU NEED IN LIFE.
>> Stephen: SNORKEL, STRAIGHT
IN.
CHEESECAKE OR CHEESE STEAK.
>> CHEESE STEAK.
>> Stephen: BLEU CHEESE OR
RANCH?
>> RANCH.
>> SURF OR TURF?
>> TURF.
I HAD TO REMEMBER WHICH ONE IS
WHICH.
STEAK.
>> Stephen: FRUIT SALAD OR
ACTUAL DESSERT?
>> ACTUAL DESSERT.
I AM ALWAYS KIND OF DISAPPOINTED
WHEN THEY BRING OUT-- YOU
PRETEND, "OH, I'M SO GLAD WE'RE
HAVING BERRIES."
WHEN YOU'RE REALLY THINKING,
"WHERE'S THE PIE?"
>> Stephen: OKAY, THIS IS
NOMENCLATURE-- STUFFING OR
DRESSING?
>> OH, THAT'S TRUE.
>> Stephen: VERY IMPORTANT.
>> YOU KNOW, GROWING UP, IT WAS
DRESSING.
IT WAS DRESSING WHEN I WAS
GROWING UP.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE TO STUFF
IT IN THE BIRD.
DO YOU STUFF IT IN THE BIRD?
>> YES, YES.
>> Stephen: THEN IT'S
STUFFING.
>> YOU'VE GOT ME THINKING ABOUT
IT.
BUT YOU ASK, WHAT DO WE CALL IT?
IT'S DRESSING, I GREW UP,
COMPLAIN TO MY DEAD GRANDMOTHER.
DISAGREE WITH HER, OKAY.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
SMALL POPCORN OR LARGE POPCORN,
KEEP IN MIND, LARGE IS ONLY
$1.25 MORE AND YOU GET FREE
REFILLS.
>> LARGE POPCORN.
THE SMALL IS A SCAM.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU!
>> IT'S A SCAM.
>> Stephen: WAFFLES OR MOCHI
AS A FOOD?
>> OH... NO, I CAN'T GO THERE.
>> Stephen: WAFFLES OR MOCHI
AS A HOST?
>> THAT'S LIKE CHOOSING BETWEEN
YOUR CHILDREN.
NOW IT'S PERSON.
>> Stephen: I WENT TO A PARTY
AT THE WHITE HOUSE-- I'M GOING
TO FACT CHECK YOU HERE EYE WENT
TO A PARTY AT THE WHITE HOUSE,
AND YOU SERVED WAFFLES.
>> AND CHICKEN.
>> Stephen:
>> Stephen: CHICKEN, ALL
RIGHT.
THERE WAS NO MOCHI AT THIS
PARTY?
>> THAT'S BEFORE I KNEW MOCHI.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> I'VE BECOME CLOSE TO MOCHI,
AND I FEEL DIFFERENTLY.
>> Stephen: WE'RE RAPIDLY
APPROACHING THE END OF THIS
INTERVIEW.
HERE WE GO.
OKAY--
>> I HAVEN'T BEEN AROUND PEOPLE
IN SO LONG!
>> Stephen: I HAVEN'T, EITHER!
LITERALLY, MY LIFE IS THAT GUY
AND MY STAGE MANAGER.
>> I KNOW!
IT'S SO MUCH FUN!
DON'T LET IT END!
( LAUGHTER )
I JUST HAVE TO GO BACK TO MY
HUSBAND.
AND I'VE SEEN HIM.
>> Stephen: I HEAR GOOD
THINGS, THOUGH, I HEARED GO
THINGS.
>> HE'S GOOD, BUT I'M HAVING SO
MUCH FUN.
>> Stephen: I THINK ANOTHER
BREAK IS IN ORDER.
GO BREAK.
COME BACK, THOUGH.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: OH, HEY. WELCOME BACK.
I'M STILL SITTING HERE WITH
MICHELLE OBAMA.
A FEW MONTHS AGO, WHEN YOUR
HUSBAND WAS HERE, I CHALLENGED
HIM TO A FRIENDLY GAME OF WASTE
PAPER BASKETBALL.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER YOU--
>> I HEARD ABOUT THAT.
>> Stephen: CAUGHT THAT.
AND HOW DO I PUT THIS
DELICATELY-- I SMOKED HIM LIKE A
COUNTRY HAM.
>> OH, THAT'S SAD.
>> Stephen: AND THE FINAL
SCORE-- AND I WANT TO MAKE SURE
I GET THIS RIGHT, UNATHLETIC
DOUGHY TALK SHOW HOST EIGHT.
FORMER LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD
WHO FAMOUSLY THREE POINTER, 0.
THIS IS THE EXACT ROOM WE DID IT
IN.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: AND I WAS
WONDERING IF YOU WANT TO TAKE
MOMENT TO MAYBE, YOU KNOW,
DEFEND THE OBAMA BASKETBALL
HONOR.
>> WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?
>> Stephen: OKAY.
UM, LET'S MAKE IT INTERESTING.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: PARTNERSHIP FOR A
HEALTHIER AMERICA, DO THEY TAKE
DONATIONS?
>>
>> UH-HUH.
>> Stephen: "THE LATE SHOW
WITH STEPHEN COLBERT"" WILL
DONATE $1,000 TO PARTNERSHIP FOR
HEALTHY AMERICA FOR EVERY BASKET
EITHER ONE OF US MAKES.
SO LET'S RUN UP THAT SCORE.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: AND IF I WIN, YOU
HAVE TO HAVE ME ON ONE OF YOUR
NETFLIX SHOWS.
>> SOLID.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE IN.
>> I'M IN.
>> Stephen: YOU UNDERSTAND
THIS ARM IS A ROCKET, RIGHT.
>> OBVIOUSLY, YOU BET MY HUSBAND
SO YOU MUST DO THIS A LOT.
>> Stephen: HERE'S HOW IT'S
GOING TO WORK.
THE BOX OVER HERE TO YOUR LEFT,
OPEN THAT UP.
>> OH!
>> Stephen: YOU SEE, WE HAVE
THESE--
>> YOU'VE GOT A FUEL BALLS.
>> Stephen: MAKE SURE THEY'RE
TIGHTLY BALLED?
>> IS THAT IMPORTANT.
>> Stephen: YOUR HUSBAND
ACCUSED ME OF GIVING HIM LOOSE
PAPER BALLS.
>> HE SAID YOU CHEAT GLD HE CAME
VERY CLOSE TO ACCUSING ME OF
CHEATING.
THE MAN HE WAS DESPERATE.
HE WAS DESPERATE.
OKAY, $1,000 FOR EVERY BASHET
THAT GOES IN.
LET'S PUT THE COUNTER UP.
ALL RIGHT, YOU READY TO DO THIS?
>> READY.
>> Stephen: YOU FEELING IT?
>> WE'LL SEE.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, AND GO.
>> OH!
OH!
( BELL RINGS )
>> YAY, YAY, YAY FOR ME.
OH, THAT'S WAY OFF
( BELL RINGS )
>> OH, I GOT ONE!
I'M ON NOW
( BELL RINGS )
>> OH, YOU KNOCKED THAT ONE OUT.
OH, DARN!
( BELL RINGS )
>> OH!
IN AND OUT, IN AND OUT.
>> Stephen: IS THAT YOUR LAST
ONE?
>> NO, I HAVE TWO MORE.
OH, DARN!
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE IT.
HOW MUCH, LET'S COUNT IT UP?
>> Stephen: I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT, HOWEVER MANY IT IS, IT'S
MORE THAN 0 IS WHAT IT IS.
>> IT'S MORE THAN 0.
LOOK AT ALL THAT MONEY FOR
P.H.A.
IF YOU LOST, YOU LOSE.
AND BY WINNING, YOU'RE IN
TROUBLE WITH HIM.
>> I DON'T CARE!
WE HAVE MONEY FOR P.H.A.!
HE'LL GET OVER IT.
>> Stephen: LET'S COUNT IT.
>> COUNT THEM UP.
>> Stephen: ONE, TWO, THREE,
FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT
NINE.
>> $9,000!
AND A GUEST APPEARANCE ON
"WAFFLES + MOCHI."
THAT'S THE BEST NETFLIX SHOW.
YOU HAVE TO-- I OWE YOU, RIGHT?
YOU HAVE THAT DOWN.
>> Stephen: THAT'S OFFICIAL.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT.
HE CAN BE, LIKE, A STOCK BOY OR
SOMETHING IN MY GROCERY STORE.
>> Stephen: I'M STREAMING.
I'VE MADE IT TO NETFLIX!
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: WILL PARNOWNTLET
ME DO THAT?
I'M TALK TO THEM.
>> I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT, TOO.
I'M LIKE CAN HE DO THIS?
>> HE CAN DO IT.
>> Stephen: AN HONOR.
>> THIS IS SO MUCH FUN.
>> Stephen: MADAM FIRST
MICHELLE, THANK YOU FOR DOING
THIS.
>> THANK YOU, STEPHEN, IT'S A
PLEASURE.
>> Stephen: FOR MORE INFORMATION
ABOUT THE "PASS THE LOVE"
CAMPAIGN, YOU CAN VISIT
wafflesandmochi.org.
THANK YOU, MICHELLE!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
LATE SHOW." TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.
>> LET'S CALL EVIE. >> Stephen: HOW ARE WE GOING TO BREAK IT--
>> LET'S CALL HER.
>> IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
THANK YOU FOR CALLING.
HAVE YOU GUYS HAD FUN?
>> YEAH.
I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME.
>> Stephen: SHE GOT MORE
BASKETS THAN HER HUSBAND DID.
>> $9,000.
>> WOW.
>> Stephen: I CHARGED IT TO
CBS.
♪ ♪ ♪
Captioning sponsored by CBS
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org