Captioning sponsored by CBS >> REPRESENTATIVE MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE SENT A LETTER TO
PRESIDENT BIDEN DEMANDING AN
INVESTIGATION INTO WHAT SHE
BELIEVES IS ANTHONY FAUCI'S
COVERUP OF THE ORIGINS OF
COVID 19.
SHE ASKED FOR ANSWERS BY
JUNE 31, 2021.
ONLY ONE PROBLEM -- JUNE HAS 30
DAYS.
>> Announcer: IT'S A "LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! TONIGHT, LIFE IN THE FAST LANE.
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES CHRIS
MATTHEWS AND MUSICAL GUEST
"CYNTHIA ERIVO, AND OUR
UNINFORMED CORRESPONDENT BOOTSIE
PLUNKETT, FEATURING JON BATISTE
AND "STAY HUMAN."
AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED
SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE BUILDING
IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN
COLBERT!
>> Stephen: WELL, HEY, THERE.
WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
I'M STEPHEN COLBERT.
I'VE BEEN OFF FOR A WEEK, BUT
I'M BACK.
AND SO IS A LITTLE LADY I CAL
THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
BECAUSE PANDEMIC
RESTRICTIONS ARE LIFTING AND
FOLKS ARE GETTING BACK TO
EVERYTHING WE MISSED:
HUGGING, KISSING, SHARING A HOT
DOG WITH A STRANGER
LADY-AND-THE-TRAMP STYLE.
COME ON!
HELP ME HERE, CHRIS!
COME ON!
( LAUGHTER )
MORE CONEY ISLAND FOR ME.
OF COURSE, THE MOST IMPORTANT
SIGN THAT THINGS ARE GETTING
BACK TO NORMAL HAPPENS ONE WEEK
FROM TONIGHT, WHEN I RETURN TO
TE ED SULLIVAN THEATER FOR A
SPECIAL SHOW WE'RE CALLING:
THE LATE SHOW VAX IN ACTION: AN
IMMUNITY THEATER PRODUCTION OF
THE STATE OF THE REUNION, CART:
WITH A LIVE BODY
AUDI-AUDI-AUDIENCE!
( LAUGHTER )
YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THE HOT DOG TO
COME BACK.
WHY DON'T I HAVE A HOT DOG PROP.
GET YOUR MONEY'S WORTH OUT OF
THAT CONEY.
( LAUGHTER )
AMERICA'S SLOW CRAWL TO
NORMALITY IS ALL THANKS TO THE
VACCINE ROLLOUT.
I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN
TONIGHT'S: "THE VAX-SCENE."
(SINGING TO "BEER BARREL POLKA")
COME AND GET YOUR SHOT NOW
THIS IS THE POKE YA POLKA
WE POLKA WHILE WE POKE YA
SO YOU DON'T GET CORONA
COME AND GET YOUR SHOT NOW
THIS IS THE POKE YA POLKA
WE POLKA WHILE WE POKE YA
WE ARE THE POKE YA POLKAS
♪♪♪
>> THANK YOU!
VERY MUCH.
GOOD NIGHT.
THAT'S ALL WE'VE GOT!
♪♪♪
>> Stephen: GRAPHICS GET PAID
BY THE MINUTE, RIGHT?
IS THAT WHY THEY'RE SO LONG?
IMMUNIZATIONS HAVE BEEN SO
EFFECTIVE, THAT WE JUST GOT THIS
NEWS:
>> COVID CASES ARE NOW AT THE
LOWEST POINT IN THE UNITED
STATES SINCE THE BEGINNING OF
THE PANDEMIC.
>> STEPHEN: I'M NOT ACTUALLY
SURPRISED.
I'M JUST CELEBRATING THAT I CAN
DO SPIT TAKES AGAIN.
ENJOY THE ANTIBODIES, MARK.
OVER THE MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND,
SO MANY PEOPLE CAME OUT TO
CELEBRATE THAT ONE CLUB MANAGER
SAID, IT FELT LIKE THE END OF
PROHIBITION.
OF COURSE, BACK THEN IT WAS THE
END OF MAKING BATHTUB GIN, AND
NOW IT'S THE END OF DRINKING GIN
IN THE BATHTUB.
I'M GONNA MISS MY MR. BUBBLE
GIMLETS.
I'M SERIOUS, THERE'S LITERALLY
SPITTLE ON THE LENS.
HERE YOU GO.
BRING IT BACK.
THERE YOU GO.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT I'M NOT GOING
TO HAVE ON NEXT WEEK THIS TIME?
SLIPPERS.
( LAUGHTER )
I COULDN'T FIND MY SHOES!
SO I SAID, ( BLEEP ) IT, I'LL
WEAR SLIPPERS.
WHAT DOES IT MATTER?
I'M DOING IT IN A BROOM CLOSET.
NEXT WEEK, I PROMISE, THIS IS MY
PLEDGE TO AMERICA, I WILL NOT
WEAR A FIVE-YEAR-OLD PEAR OF
UGGS NEXT MONDAY NIGHT.
IT'S NOT JUST NIGHTCLUBS AND
BARS RE-OPENING.
SAM'S CLUB AND COSTCO HAVE
ANNOUNCED THEY'RE BRINGING BACK
FREE SAMPLES.
FINALLY, AMERICANS CAN GO BACK
TO PLAYING OUR FAVORITE GROCERY
GAME: IS THIS MEAT?
THE ANSWER?
I DON'T CARE.
IT'S ON A TOOTHPICK, AND IT'S
FREE.
BUT SOME RE-OPENINGS ARE A
LITTLE CHOPPIER, LIKE IN THE
CRUISE INDUSTRY.
BACK AT THE BEGINNING OF COVID,
CRUISES BECAME FLOATING PRISONS
OF MEDICAL-GRADE DESPAIR.
BUT ROYAL CARIBBEAN HAS
ANNOUNCED A US COMEBACK THIS
SUMMER.
THERE'S ONLY ONE CATCH:
VACCINATIONS ARE OPTIONAL.
WHAT THE WHAT?
YOU CAN'T TRUST CRUISE
PASSENGERS TO MAKE SMART HEALTH
DECISIONS.
THESE ARE PEOPLE WHO WAIT IN
LINE TO SCOOP UP MACARONI SALAD
FROM A BIN A TODDLER LOST A
FLIP-FLOP IN.
THE REASONS -- THERE ARE A LOT
OF REASONS, THERE MANY REASONS
THE VACCINES ARE
OPTIONAL IS THAT A LOT OF THESE
CRUISES DEPART FROM FLORIDA,
WHERE THEY JUST PASSED A LAW
THAT NOT ONLY PROHIBITS
BUSINESSES FROM REQUIRING
VACCINATIONS, BUT
WILL FINE COMPANIES $5,000 EACH
TIME THEY REQUIRE VACCINATION
PROOF FROM A PATRON.
THAT'S A TOUGH BEAT FOR FLORIDA
COPS.
ATTENTION ALL UNITS, WE HAVE A
REPORT THAT COLDSTONE CREAMERY
IS TRYING TO KEEP CUSTOMERS
ALIVE.
IMMEDIATELY REDIRECT ALL
OFFICERS AWAY FROM THE
METH-FUELED ALLIGATOR KNIFE
FIGHT.
GET ME A BROWNIE MIXIN.
THE FIRST CRUISE IS SCHEDULED
FOR JULY 2, AND TO ENSURE
SAFETY, ROYAL CARIBBEAN IS
CONDUCTING SIMULATION CRUISES.
WHICH I ASSUME MEANS TESTING THE
ENDURANCE OF PASSENGERS WITH
A SHRIMP TEST DUMMY.
SPEAKING OF THINGS OPENING UP,
THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S MOUTH.
ON SATURDAY NIGHT,
"FATTY KRUGER" GAVE A SPEECH TO
THE NORTH CAROLINA REPUBLICAN
PARTY, WHERE HE SAID A BUNCH OF
STUFF BUT NOBODY PAID ATTENTION
BECAUSE IT LOOKED LIKE HE WORE
PANTS BACKWARDS.
LET'S TAKE A PEEK: HERE HE IS,
LEAVING THE PODIUM, AND LOOKING
FOR THE ZIPPER...
AND... NOTHING.
EITHER HE SHARES A TAILOR WITH A
KEN DOLL, OR HE SPENDS SO MUCH
TIME YANKING STUFF OUT OF HIS
KEISTER, IT JUST HELPS TO HAVE
THE ZIPPER BACK THERE.
BUT IT RAISED A LOT OF
QUESTIONS, LIKE: HOW DID HE ZIP
THE PANTS?
WAS HIS BELT ALSO ON BACKWARDS?
AND HOW LUCKY ARE WE THAT THIS
MAN NO LONGER HAS THE NUCLEAR
CODES?
I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO ENJOYED
THE IMAGE.
ON TWITTER, THE FORMER PRESIDENT
QUICKLY DREW COMPARISONS TO 90'S
CHILD HIP-HOP DUO FAMOUS FOR
WEARING THEIR PANTS BACKWARDS,
KRISS KROSS.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
THEIR INITIALS ARE K-K, WHICH IS
ONE LESS THAN THE EX PRESIDENT
PREFERS.
BUT THE BACKWARD PANTS PARTY
ABRUPTLY ENDED WHEN THE
FACT-SHACKLERS OVER AT
SNOPES.COM CLARIFIED, NO, THE
FORMER PRESIDENT DID NOT WEAR
HIS PANTS BACKWARDS.
OH, THEN I GUESS WE WON'T HAVE A
THIRD IMPEACHMENT TRIAL NOW.
IT'S A SHAME BECAUSE THEY'VE
ALREADY DRAFTED THE ARTICLES OF
IM-PANTS-MENT.
THE FACT CHECKER EXPLAINED THAT
SNOPES LOOKED THROUGH
PHOTOGRAPHS TAKEN AT THE EVENT
AND PUBLISHED BY THE VISUAL
MEDIA COMPANY GETTY IMAGES THAT
CLEARLY SHOW THE FORMER
PRESIDENT ON STAGE WEARING PANTS
WITH A ZIPPER IN THE FRONT.
ADDING, HOW IS THIS MY JOB?
MOM, YOU WERE RIGHT.
I SHOULD HAVE WORKED FOR DAD AT
THE LUMBER YARD.
APPARENTLY, THE ORIGINAL VIDEO
IS LOW RES, BUT WHEN YOU LOOK AT
THE HI RES IMAGE, IT'S CLEAR
HE'S GOT A ZIPPER.
NORMALLY, WHEN YOU PAY THAT MUCH
ATTENTION TO HIS CROTCH, YOU GET
$130,000.
BUT THIS IS ALARMING, BECAUSE IT
CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING:
SOMETHING ON THE INTERNET ISN'T
TRUE!
YOU KNOW FOLKS, MOVING ON,
AMERICA'S BILLIONAIRES ARE LIKE
UNICORNS: RARELY SEEN, MOSTLY
WHITE, HORNY, AND DON'T PAY
TAXES.
BUT THERE'S MORE THAN ONE KIND:
YOUR RUN-OF-THE-MILL
MULTIBILLIONAIRE PUTTERS AROUND
IN THEIR PERSONAL SUBMARINE LIKE
SOME KIND OF SEA PEASANT, AND
THE TRUE HYPER-ELITES HAVE THEIR
OWN SPACE PROGRAMS.
I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE LATEST
IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF --
(ECHOING)
SPAAACE NEEEEWWS!
BILLIONAIRES IN SPACE EDITION!
FIRST UP, AMAZON FOUNDER AND
HIGH SCHOOL SCIENCE TEACHER
HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS, JEFF
BEZOS.
TODAY, WE FOUND OUT THAT BEZOS
IS GOING TO SPACE.
THAT IS FANTASTIC!
ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE
GIANT
LEAP FOR-- WHAT'S THAT?
HE'S COMING BACK?
NEVER MIND.
BEZOS IS GOING TO BE RIDING
ON THE FIRST CREWED FLIGHT OF
THE NEW SHEPARD, THE ROCKET SHIP
MADE BY HIS SPACE COMPANY, BLUE
ORIGIN.
AS PREPARATION FOR SPACEFLIGHT,
BEZOS HAS ASKED HIS WAREHOUSE
WORKERS TO SHOW HIM HOW TO PEE
DISCREETLY INTO A TUBE.
BEZOS IS GOING TO GO UP THERE
WITH HIS BROTHER, WHICH IS NICE,
BUT THE BEZOS BRO SPACE
ADVENTURE WILL BE SHORT BECAUSE,
THE ASTRONAUTS WILL, EXPERIENCE
WEIGHTLESSNESS FOR NEARLY THREE
MINUTES.
OR AS AMAZON WAREHOUSE WORKERS
CALL IT: LUNCH.
OF COURSE, BEZOS'S CHIEF
BILLIONAIRE RIVAL IN SPACE
EXPLORATION IS
SpaceX
FOUNDER AND COMEDIC VOICE OF A
GENERATION, ELON MUSK.
THIS TRIP MEANS THAT BEZOS IS
GETTING TO SPACE BEFORE MUSK.
NOT ONLY THAT, BUT MUSK'S SPACE
X HAD SOME SWEET NASA CONTRACTS,
BUT JUST LAST MONTH FOLLOWING
PROTESTS FROM JEFF BEZOS' BLUE
ORIGIN, NASA AND SPACEX'S $2.9
BILLION CONTRACT HAS BEEN
SUSPENDED.
BUT MUSK HASN'T TAKEN IT LYING
DOWN.
IN RESPONSE TO BEZOS' PROTEST,
HE TWEETED
CAN'T GET IT UP --
TO ORBIT -- LOL.
CAN'T GET IT UP?
HAVE YOU SEEN JEFF BEZOS?
HE IS IT UP IN A BLUE SHIRT.
NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE NOT
ASKING: JUST WHY ARE THESE
BILLION-AHOLES GOING AT IT LIKE
THIS?
MAYBE BECAUSE THERE ARE DEFENSE
CONTRACTS AND SATELLITE BASED
INTERNET DEALS AT STAKE WITH
TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO BE MADE.
TRILLIONS!
IF ONE OF THESE GUYS MADE A
TRILLION BUCKS, IMAGINE HOW MUCH
NO TAXES THEY WOULD PAY.
IN OTHER SPACE NEWS, IT FEELS
LIKE FOR THE LAST MONTH, WE'VE
BEEN GETTING NEW HOT SCOOPS
ABOUT U.F.O.S, WITH ALL KINDS OF
UNEXPLAINED OBJECTS ZOOMING
AROUND NEAR THE US MILITARY
CAPTURED IN SHAKY, GRAINY
FOOTAGE.
IT'S ALL PART OF THE BUILDUP TO
THE RELEASE OF AN UPCOMING
GOVERNMENT REPORT ON U.F.O.S.
IT'S NOT OUT YET, BUT THERE'S
GOOD NEWS: OFFICIALS HAVE BEEN
BRIEFED ON THE FINDINGS, AND,
FOLKS, WE'VE GOT THE INSIDE
SCOOP.
GRAB YOUR TINFOIL AND HIDE YOUR
BRAINWAVES BECAUSE, APPARENTLY,
U.S. FINDS NO EVIDENCE OF ALIEN
TECHNOLOGY IN FLYING OBJECTS,
BUT CAN'T RULE IT OUT, EITHER.
OH, MY GOD!
THE ONLY WAY TO HAVE KNOWN THAT
WOULD BE TO HAVE NOT READ THE
REPORT.
COME ON, NASA, THAT'S NOT
TELLING US ANYTHING.
THERE'S A REASON THE X-FILES
SLOGAN WASN'T
THERE IS NO EVIDENCE FOR THE
TRUTH BEING OUT THERE.
BUT WE CAN'T RULE OUT THE TRUTH
BEING NOT IN HERE.
IT FEELS LIKE THEY'RE JUST
FILING THIS REPORT BECAUSE THEY
PROMISED TO HAVE IT READY BY
JUNE.
THE REPORT ITSELF CONCEDES THAT
MUCH ABOUT THE OBSERVED
PHENOMENA REMAINS DIFFICULT TO
EXPLAIN, INCLUDING THEIR
ACCELERATION, AS WELL AS ABILITY
TO CHANGE DIRECTION AND
SUBMERGE.
WELL, IF YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN IT,
THEN MAYBE DON'T TURN IN THE
REPORT YET.
YOU'RE LIKE A HIGH SCHOOL
JUNIOR:
"MOBY DICK IS ABOUT A WHALE AND
A MAN ON A BOAT AND SOME STUFF
ABOUT KNOTS, BUT THE REST OF THE
BOOK REMAINS DIFFICULT TO
EXPLAIN BECAUSE I DIDN'T FINISH
IT.
TONY HAD EVERYBODY UP TO THE
LAKE HOUSE THIS WEEKEND.
CALL ME ISHMAEL."
THE ONLY CONCRETE ASSERTION THAT
THE GOVERNMENT MAKES IS THAT THE
LAST 20 YEARS OF U.F.O.
INCIDENTS DID NOT ORIGINATE FROM
ANY AMERICAN MILITARY OR OTHER
ADVANCED U.S. GOVERNMENT
TECHNOLOGY.
SO IT IS TOTALLY AMERICAN
MILITARY OR OTHER ADVANCED US
GOVERNMENT TECHNOLOGY.
BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY'RE GONNA
LIE.
THAT'S WHY IN THE 80S YOU NEVER
SAW A GOVERNMENT REPORT TITLED:
OKAY, YOU GOT US.
CARDS ON THE TABLE: WE BUILT A
STEALTH BOMBER LOOK HOW BADASS
THIS IS!
BUT THEY INSIST IT'S NOT
AMERICAN, AND SOME OFFICIALS
BELIEVE THE PHENOMENA COULD HAVE
BEEN EXPERIMENTAL TECHNOLOGY
FROM A RIVAL POWER, MOST LIKELY
RUSSIA OR CHINA.
HMM, JIM, CAN YOU SHOW ME A
STILL OF THAT FOOTAGE?
CAN YOU ZOOM IN?
NOW ENHANCE...
BUSTED!
AT THAT ALTITUDE, HIS NIPPLES
MUST BE LIKE DIAMONDS.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS CHRIS MATTHEWS.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, OUR
UNINFORMED CORRESPONDENT BOOTSIE
PLUNKETT EXPLORES THIS SUMMER'S
CICADA SWARM.
STICK AROUND.
♪♪♪
>> Stephen: HEY! WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW,"
EVERYBODY.
AS MORE PEOPLE GET VACCINATED
AND THE COUNTRY RE-OPENS,
THERE'S SO MANY THINGS PEOPLE
ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING
AGAIN THIS SUMMER --
LIKE TRAVELING AND HUGGING
RELATIVES, AND HEARING THE
PIERCING SHRIEK OF BILLIONS OF
CICADAS AS THEY EMERGE ALL OVER
THE EASTERN UNITED STATES --
BECAUSE THIS SUMMER MARKS THE
RETURN OF THE "BROOD X" CICADAS,
WHICH EMERGE EVERY 17 YEARS,
MEANING THEY HAVEN'T BEEN ABOVE
GROUND SINCE 2004.
SO DON'T BE SURPRISED IF THEY'RE
STILL WEARING TRUCKER HATS AND
UGG BOOTS.
THE FACT THAT THESE LARGE, NOISY
INSECTS CRAWL OUT OF THE GROUND
EVERY 17 YEARS CAN BE HARD TO
UNDERSTAND.
BUT, THANKFULLY, WE HERE AT THE
LATE SHOW HAVE AN EXPERT IN NOT
UNDERSTANDING THINGS.
HER NAME IS BOOTSIE PLUNKETT.
SHE'S THE MOTHER OF MY FIELD
PRODUCER, JAKE PLUNKETT.
AND SHE IS ALSO THE LATE SHOW'S
OFFICIAL UNINFORMED
CORRESPONDENT.
BOOTSIE USES HER UNIQUE
PERSPECTIVE TO HELP US ALL GET A
LITTLE LESS UN-INFORMED.
AND, RECENTLY, JAKE TOOK HER TO
LEARN ABOUT THESE INSECTS AT NEW
YORK'S MUSEUM OF NATURAL
HISTORY.
( CICADA SOUNDS )
>> I TOOK MY MOM TO THE AMERICAN
MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY TO SEE
IF SHE COULD CONQUER HER FEAR OF
BUGS BEFORE THEY MAKE THEIR
ENTRANCE.
DO YOU LIKE SCIENCE AS A
SUBJECT.
>> YES, I DO.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF
SCIENCE.
>> HOW YOU TURN WATER INTO WINE.
THAT -- WHAT?
HOW DO YOU TURN WATER INTO WINE?
>> MM-HMM.
I THINK THAT'S A BIBLE THING.
WELL, THE BIG THING TODAY IS
WE'RE GOING TO LEARN ABOUT IS
BRUTE CICADAS.
THAT HAPPENS EVERY 16 OR 17
YEARS.
>> THEY I'LL COME OUT AND DIG UP
MY DIRT AND FLY AROUND.
>> I DON'T THINK THEY WILL RUIN
YOUR LAWN.
>> SO YOU HAVE TO BE ON TO
LOOKOUT.
>> YOU HEAR THEM.
THEY'RE VERY LOUD.
>> I HEAR THEM IN THE BUSHES, IN
THE SUMMER.
>> YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THESE.
THEY HAVEN'T BEEN AROUND IN 16
YEARS.
>> THEN WHAT AM I HEARING?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
HEARING IN YOUR BUSHES
( HISSING SOUND )
>> SOUNDS LIKE A SNAKE.
NO, CICADAS.
WE'RE LEARNING ABOUT
CICADAs -- PRONOUNCING ).
>> DON'T BRING A BIG NEAR ME I
WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE LIKE HELL.
>> TIME FOR MY MOM TO TALK ABOUT
DR. JESSICAWARE IN THE HALL OF
BIODIVERSITY.
>> SO WE'RE LEARNING A AND
DISAYDAS TODAY?
>> ANNUAL ONES COME OUT EVERY
YEAR BUT THE PERIODICAL ONES
COME OUT EVERY 13 OR 17 YEARS.
>> A LONG TIME, THEY MUST BE
BORED DOWN THERE 17 YEARS!
>> THIS IS THEIR LIFE.
IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THEIR
WHOLE LIFE, AS A CHILD, IN THE
JUVENILE STAGE, THEN THEIR ADULT
LIFE IS JUST A FEW WEEKS.
BUT 17 YEARS IN YOUR JUVENILE
STAGE, THEN YOUR ADULT IS
JUST --
>> HOW LONG DO THEY LIVE FOR?
I THINK IT'S LIKE THREE, FOUR
WEEKS OR SO.
>> THEY ONLY LIVE FOR THREE
WEEKS?
>> AS AN ADULT.
WHEN THEY COME UP FROM THE
GROUND.
>> YEAH.
OH, THEY SHOULD STAY THERE.
THEY DON'T KNOW THEY'RE GOING TO
THEIR DEMISE.
>> BUT, I MEAN, THEY CAN'T MATE
WHEN THEY'RE UNDERGROUND.
>> OH.
SO THEY HAVE TO EMERGE TO THE
ADULT FORM, THEN THEY REPRODUCE.
>> YOU SOUND LIKE YOU LOVE YOUR
BUGS.
>> I LOVE MY BUGS.
BUGGIES.
I LIKE INSECTS.
OH.
SO WE USUALLY SAY I'M AN
ENTOMOLOGIST, I WORK ON INSECTS.
>> YOU OPERATE ON THEM?
SOMETIMES.
YOU'RE A SURGEON OF BUGS?
WHAT I STUDY IS REPRODUCTIVE
MORPHOLOGY, SO I HAVE THESE TINY
INSTRUMENTS AND I DISSECT OUT
THE PENISES AND --
>> OH, MY GOD!
LIKE ME, I HAD A BABY
SQUIRREL -- NO, I DON'T DISSECT
PENNIES.
>> YOU SOUND LIKE ME.
NO, NO, NO!
I FOUND A PINKY BABY SQUIRREL IN
MY ALLEYWAY.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH
IT, IT WAS GOING TO GET EATEN OR
STEPPED ON BY SOMEBODY, SO I
BROUGHT IT IN.
WHAT YOU MADE ME THINK ABOUT
THAT IS I HAD TO STIMULATE ITS
PENNIES FOR IT TO PEA.
I TOLD MY SISTER-IN-LAW AND SHE
SAID, OH, NOW YOU'RE INTO MASTER
BAITING ( BLEEP ) SQUIRRELS?
THEY CAN'T PEA WHEN THEY'RE
FIRST NEWBORN, THEY NEED TO BE
STIMULATED.
>> DID SOMEBODY TELL YOU THAT?
YEAH.
WASN'T TRUE?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE.
HOW DO YOU FIND OUT.
>> I WENT ONLINE.
OKAY.
MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT, YES, I
DID DO THAT, AND THE LITTLE
BUBBLE WOULD COME OUT OF HIS
PENNIES AND THAT WAS HIM
PEAKING.
>> AFTER GETTING TO REEL KNOW
EACH OTHER DR.WARE OFFERED TO
SHE MY MOM SOME CICADAS UP
CLOSE.
>> WHAT IS THIS MEAN LOOKING
THING?
THAT'S THE CICADA!
>> THAT'S A RIG CICADA BUT IT'S
A GORGEOUS ONE, RIGHT?
>> I GUESS.
NICE COLORED PATTERN, COOL
WINGS.
>> I GUESS IT'S PRETTY.
AS LONG AS IT STAYS OFF ME.
HAVE YOU LOVED BUGS YOUR WHOLE
LIFE?
>> I ALWAYS APPRECIATED INSECTS
FOR SURE.
I NAMED MY DAUGHTER AFTER AN
INSECT, ACTUALLY.
>> YOU DID?
HER NAME IS AISHNA
( LAUGHTER )
>> YOU CAN'T LAUGH AT HER,
THAT'S HER REAL NAME.
>> NO, I'M LAUGHING AT YOU NAMED
HER AFTER A BUG!
>> HERE IS WHERE WE KEEP THE
PERIODICAL CICADAS.
>> DRAWERS AND DRAWERS OF THEM.
SOME CAN BE PRETTY LARGE.
I THINK I LIKE THE SMALL ONES
BETTER.
>> THEY'RE BIG IN NUMBER.
THERE WILL BE A TRILLION OR.
SO IT'S GOOD FOOD FOR BIRDS,
SQUIRRELS, CATS AND DOGS, GOOD
FOOD FOR YOU.
>> THE CICADAS?
YEAH, YOU COULD EAT THEM.
OH, NO.
YOU SAID YOU LIKE LOBSTER.
IT'S PROBABLY LIKE -- YOU KNOW.
>> HOW DO YOU CRACK OPEN A
CICADA?
>> YOU TAKE THE WINGS OFF, YOU
SASAUTEÉ THEM --
>> BEING THE GOOD SON I AM, I
WASN'T GOING TO LET MOM LEAVE
THE MUSEUM WITHOUT TOUCHING A
FEW BUGS.
FIRST UP A GIANT MILLIPEDE.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
SO THESE ARE MILLIPEDES
MIROPODS.
WANT TO FEEL IT?
IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE A WHISPER.
THESE CANNOT HURT YOU.
THEY CANNOT BITE.
THEY CANNOT HURT YOU.
( SNORTING )
>> THERE YOU GO.
YOU GOT IT.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
>> AAAHHH!
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
IT'S GOOD.
(SCREAMS )
>> ( BLEEP ), ( BLEEP ).
DON'T WORRY.
YOU DID IT.
>> THOSE LITTLE LEGS CLING TO
YOU.
>> YEAH.
NOW THE MAIN EVENT, THE BUG
MY MOM FEARS THE MOST, THE
MADAGASCAR MISSING COCKROACH.
>> HOW ARE WE FEELING?
DO YOU WANT TO SEE IF YOU CAN
MAKE THE HISSING NOISE?
FIVE SECONDS?
>> FIVE SECONDS AND 100 BUCKS.
100 BUCKS!
I'M GETTING PAID REGARDLESS,
BITCH.
>> YOU'RE GOOD.
YOU'RE TOTALLY GOOD.
IT WON'T HURT YOU.
THERE YOU GO.
YOU'RE DOING IT, YOU'RE DOING IT
( MAKING HYSTERICAL SOUNDS )
>> YOU GOT IT!
EAH, YEAH, YEAH!
AAAHHH!
IT'S STILL FREAKING ME OUT!
>> AN ENTOMOLOGIST FOR A DAY.
YOU'RE LIVING IT, YOU'RE DOING
IT.
>> AAAHHH!
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
OKAY.
>> TELL ME WHEN IT GETS TOO
CLOSE, WHEN IT'S GO TIME.
>> WELL, IT WAS GREAT TALKING TO
YOU TODAY.
>> Announcer: I'M SO GLAD YOU
LOVE INSECTS AS MUCH AS I DO.
>> A LITTLE BIT.
>> Announcer: YOU'RE ON THE
JOURNEY TO IT.
>> IT'S GOING TO GROW.
THE LOVE WILL GROW.
( LAUGHTER )
HI, THIS IS BOOTSIE, I'M HERE
WITH "A LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN
COLBERT.
I LEARNED SO MUCH TODAY ABOUT IS
CICADAs, SO INTERESTING.
I ALSO HELD A HISSING COCKROACH.
CONGRATULATIONS TO ME BECAUSE I
NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD DO THAT!
AND IT WAS -- I STILL DON'T LIKE
BUGS.
OKAY.
BYE.
♪♪♪
>> STEPHEN: THANK YOU TO BOOTSIE
AND THANK YOU TO DR. JESSICA
WARE AND THE MUSEUM OF NATURAL
HISTORY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CHRIS
MATTHEWS.
♪♪♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
JOINING ME NOW IS A BEST-SELLING
AUTHOR AND JOURNALIST WHO HOSTED
"HARDBALL" FOR MORE THAN 20
YEARS.
HE'S JUST WRITTEN A MEMOIR
CALLED "THIS COUNTRY" ABOUT HIS
LIFE IN POLITICS AND HISTORY.
PLEASE WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW,"
CHRIS MATTHEWS.
CHRIS, GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: THE LAST TIME --
WELL, WE'VE TALKED MTSZ OVER THE
YEARS.
I'LL GET TO THE LAST TIME WE
SPOKE IN JUST A MOMENT.
ONE OF THE REASONS I LIKE
TALKING TO YOU OTHER THAN THE
FACT YOU'RE A HOST AND YOU
REALLY EAT UP THE TIME, I DON'T
HAVE TO WORK WHEN YOU'RE ON,
IT'S LIKE A VACATION, BUT YOU'VE
SEEN SO MUCH IN WASHINGTON,
YOU'VE WORKED FOR TIP O'NEIL,
JIMMY CARTER, THE HOST OF
"HARDBALL" FOR YEARS, BUT WHAT
WAS YOUR FIRST WASHINGTON JOB?
>> I WAS A CAPITOL POLICEMAN,
APPOINTED BY THE U.S. SENATOR
UNDER THE OLD PAY TROJAGE
SYSTEM, AND I LOVED IT, I WORKED
IN THE OFFICE OF THE SENATOR IN
THE MORNING TILL 3:00, WENT ON
THE SECOND SHIFT FROM 3:00 TO
11:00.
I WAS DOING THREE JOBS.
I LOVED PUTTING ON MY UNIFORM
AND GUN AND DOING MY JOB.
I LOVED THE GUYS I WORKED WITH.
>> Stephen: AS SOMEONE WHO HAD
THAT AS THE FIRST EXPERIENCE IN
WASHINGTON, D.C., WHAT WAS IT
LIKE PERSONALLY FOR YOU TO WATCH
THE HORRIFIC EVENTS OF
JANUARY 6, HOW DID THAT HIT HOME
FOR YOU?
>> IT'S LIKE SEEING YOUR CHURCH
INVADED.
IT WAS LIKE BEING DEFILED,
EVERYTHING YOU BELIEVED IN.
I USED TO LOVE -- I DO LOVE THAT
BUILDING.
WHATEVER JOB I WAS, WHETHER TOP
AIDE TO THE SPEAKER OR I WAS A
COP, I WOULD TAKE PEOPLE TO
PLACES LIKE THE BRITISH STAIRS,
THE STAIRS COMING UP TOWARD THE
HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES MET,
AND THERE ARE BULLET HOLES IN
THE CEILING STILL, AND I SAID
LOOK AT THE BULLET HOLES, THE
BRITISH CAME IN HERE AN BURNED
THE PLACE IN 1912.
I WOULD SIT ALONE AT NIGHT IN
THE ROTUNDA WHERE THE PAINTINGS
ARE AND I WOULD THINK OF JOHN F.
KENNEDY LAID OUT AFTER HE WAS
ASSASSINATED, I WOULD IMAGINE
HIM THERE.
I WOULD THINK OF LINCOLN GIVING
THE SECOND INAUGURAL ADDRESS
THERE, TRYING TO EXPLAIN THE
CIVIL WAR WHEN WE LOST 600,000
MEN AND TRYING TO EXPLAIN THAT
ASPENNENS FOR SLAVERY, AND HE
DID THAT THERE.
AND F.M. D.R. GAVE HIS "WE HAVE
NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF"
THERE.
MORE REPUBLICANS THAN DEMOCRATS
IN 1964 IN THAT BUILDING.
SO MUCH HISTORY.
IT'S A CATHEDRAL TO DEMOCRACY.
THE 9/11 JOBS TRIED TO BLOW IT
UP.
THEY WERE STOPPED IN
PENNSYLVANIA BY THE COURAGEOUS
PASSENGERS.
ONE OF THE COPS I WORKED WITH
SAID I WOULD DIE FOR THIS
BUILDING.
SO I WAS SO PROUD WHEN I GOT TO
SEE THE GOOD PICTURES OF THESE
GUYS, MOSTLY MEN, ESPECIALLY THE
AFRICAN-AMERICAN GUY IN THE
PICTURE LEADING THEM IN THE
WRONG DIRECTION, REMEMBER, UP
THE STAIRS?
>> Stephen: OFFICER GOODMAN.
HE DIDN'T HAVE ANY REAL
WEAPON, HE COULDN'T USE HIS
REVOLVER IN THAT SITUATION, JUST
SO HE COULD PROTECT SENATOR
ROMNEY FROM UTAH GETTING KILLED
MAYBE.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MAKE
OF PEOPLE WHO WERE TRYING TO
SELL THIS OFF WHO SAY IT WAS NO
WORSE THAN TOURISTS IN THE
ROTUNDA OR THE STATUARY HALL OR
SAYING IT WASN'T REALLY AN
INSURRECTION, TRYING TO DOWNPLAY
IT BECAUSE THE REPS KNOW THE
DEMOCRATS WILL POINT AT IT AND
SAY YOU CAN'T TRUST THESE
PEOPLE?
>> WHAT WOULD THEY HAVE SAID IF
THEY HAD CAPTURED THAT CROWD,
THE MOB, HAD CAPTURED THE
VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES AND GOD KNOWS WHAT DO TO
HIM.
THEY WERE AFTER EVERY MEMBER OF
CONGRESS.
THEY WERE OUT FOR BLOOD AND
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.
THEY WERE PROTECTED BY THEIR
STAFFS AND THE POLICE.
THAT'S WHAT SAVED THEIR LIVES.
NOT THE CAUSE OF TRUMPISM.
TRUMP WAS ON A MARCH.
THE MEMBERS OF CONGRESS,
DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICAN SWORE
AN OATH TO THE CONSTITUTION.
GENERAL MICHAEL FLYNN TOOK AN
OATH TO THE CONSTITUTION, NOT
DONALD TRUMP.
THEY HAVE TO BE REMINDED THEY'RE
OWED SOMETIMES.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE WRITTEN A
NEW BOOK, AS I SAID BEFORE,
"THIS COUNTRY," ABOUT THE
HISTORICAL EVENTS YOU LIVED
THROUGH.
WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE THE CURRENT
MOMENT THE UNITED STATES IS
GOING THROUGH, WHAT PERIODS OF
LEADERSHIP AND HISTORY IN THE
WORLD COME TO MIND FOR YOU?
>> WELL, STEVE, YOU KNOW, I WAS
LUCKY IN MY LIFE TO BE AT THE
CENTER OF THE ACTION SO MUCH,
THE FIGHTS.
I MEAN, I WAS ON THE HELICOPTER
WHEN JIMMY CARTER WAS GOING DOWN
TO DEFEAT THAT MORNING.
HE LOST THE ELECTION BY 10
POINTS.
I WAS WITH TIP O'NEIL EVERY
MORNING, THE GREAT SPEECH.
I WAS AT THE BERLIN WALL ON THE
COMMUNIST SIDE WHEN THE WALL
OPENED UP AND I INTERVIEWED
PEOPLE.
I'LL NEVER FORGET INTERVIEWING A
YOUNG GUY IN HIS 20s, LOOKED
LIKE HE WAS AT BERKELEY IN THE
'60s.
I SAID, WHAT DOES FREEDOM MEAN
TO YOU TODAY, THE WALL COMING
DOWN?
HE SAID TALKING TO YOU, BECAUSE
IT WAS A COUNTRY THAT WAS NOT
FREE AND THEY COULDN'T TALK TO
PEOPLE LIKE ME.
I WAS IN SOUTH AFRICA WHEN
NELSON MANDELA, ONE OF THE
GREATEST PEOPLE OF OUR TIME,
ENCOURAGED THE PEOPLE OF SOUTH
AFRICA TO VOTE.
HE SAID WE'RE NOT GOING TO DO
THIS THROUGH A RESOLUTION --
>> Stephen: I THINK WE HAVE A
PHOTO OF YOU AND DESMOND TUTU.
>> DESMOND TUTU TO MY LEFT AND A
SOUTH AFRICAN CAMERAMAN.
LOOK AT THE LINE ON THE BACK OF
VOTERS.
IT'S LIKE FROM HORIZON TO
HORIZON.
THAT HAPPENED BECAUSE ONE
PERSON, NELSON MANDELA, SAID
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE AN ELECTION
IN THIS COUNTRY, EVERYBODY GETS
TO VOTE, AND I'M NOT COMING OUT
OF PRISON OUT OF 20 YEARS UNTIL
YOU LEGALIZE THE ANC AND THE
COMMUNIST PARTY, HE WOULDN'T
LEAVE PRISON SO HE COULD HAVE A
REAL ELECTION.
HE SAID WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT
WORK, THIS DEMOCRACY.
I THINK OF THE PEOPLE WAITING IN
LINE IN AFRICA WITHOUT A CUP OF
TEA, WATER, WITHOUT A PLACE TO
GO TO THE-BEDROOM AND I THINK OF
THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T TAKE
DEMOCRACY SERIOUSLY IN THIS
COUNTRY.
THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT.
WE'VE HAD AN ELECTION EVERY YEAR
SINCE 1788.
WE'RE THE FIRST REPUBLIC, AND
IT'S ALWAYS WORKED.
BUT WE ALWAYS COUNTED ON PEOPLE
WHO LOST ELECTIONS, JUST LIKE
WHEN YOU PLAYED TAG AS A KID,
YOU SAY I'M IT, I LOST, AND TO
STAND BEFORE THEIR PEOPLE AND
LOOK THEM IN THE EYE AND SAY I
LOST, THE OTHER PERSON WON, AND
UNDER THAT SYSTEM, THAT PERSON'S
PRESIDENT NOW.
AND TRUMP WOULDN'T DO THAT ONE
HONORABLE ACT.
HILLARY CLINTON HAD TO DO THAT
AT THE PENNSYLVANIA HOTEL WHEN
SHE LOST, A SHOCKING LOSS AND
SHE HAD TO SAY IT.
MITT ROMNEY, JOHN MCCAIN, AL
GORE, EVERYONE STANDS UP AND
SAYS I LOST, IN THIS DEMOCRACY.
THAT'S WHAT MATTERS.
SOME PEOPLE LIKE HILLARY CLINTON
GOT MORE VOTES AND THEY STILL
SAID I LOST BECAUSE THE
ELECTORAL COLLEGE GOVERNS
VICTORY.
THAT IS THE ADMIRABLE THING.
I LOVE CONCESSION SPEECHES
BECAUSE IT SHOWS THE HEART OF
PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BE IN
POLITICS BUT ARE WILLING TO TAKE
THE RISK OF H HUMILIATION.
AT SOME POINT AS A POLITICIAN
YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE RISK OF
BEING HUMILIATED OF PEOPLE
SAYING WE DON'T WANT YOU
ANYMORE,.
GO BUT YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE IT AND
THIS GUY CLINTON, THE MOST
HONORABLE THING ABOUT THE OFFICE
IS THEIR WILLINGNESS TO WALK
AWAY FROM IT.
IT'S NOT YOURS.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK.
WHEN WE COME BACK, I'LL ASK
CHRIS ABOUT THE DAY HE LEFT
MSNBC AND WHETHER THAT TOOK
ANYONE BY SURPRISE.
♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WE'RE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF
"THIS COUNTRY," CHRIS MATTHEWS.
IN THE BOOK, YOU'RE VERY CANDID
ABOUT WHEN YOU LEFT "HARDBALL"
AFTER 20 YEARS, YOU HAD -- YOU
WOULD REVEAL THAT YOU MADE
INAPPROPRIATE COMMENTS ABOUT THE
APPEARANCE OF A FEMALE
JOURNALIST, AND YOU WENT ON THE
AIR AND YOU SAID, YEAH, I DID,
IT WAS THE WRONG THING TO DO,
AND I'M OUT OF HERE.
DID PEOPLE AT THE NETWORK KNOW
THAT YOU WEREN'T GOING TO FIGHT
THIS?
DID IT SURPRISE PEOPLE THERE?
>> WELL, THERE WAS A REPORT THAT
I COMPLE MEND -- IT SHOULDN'T
SAY THAT -- I COMMENTED ON A
PERSON'S APPEARANCE.
IT WAS A FOUR-YEAR-OLD STORY BUT
IT WAS ACCURATE AS HELL.
I ACCEPTED THE TRUTH.
IN FACT I CREDITED IN A COUPLE
OF COMMENTARIES, I SAID, IT'S
ALL TRUE, DON'T PLAME THE
MESSENGER.
I DID IT, I OWN THIS, NOBODY IS
RESPONSIBLE FOR MY TROUBLE, I
DID: I SAID SHE WAS RIGHT, THE
REPORTER, AND I WANT EVERYBODY
TO KNOW WHO THINKS THEY'RE ON MY
SIDE ON THIS.
MY SIDE IS THE TRUTH AND MY SIDE
IS ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY.
I SAID IT.
I DON'T WANT ANYBODY FIGHTING
FOR ME OR FIGHTING HER OR
ANYBODY ELSE.
I THINK YOU'VE GOT TO BE
HONORABLE.
I ALWAYS TAKE CREDITED FOR BEING
CANDID AND SAYING THINGS I
SHOULDN'T SAY.
BUT PART OF CANDOR IS BEING
HONEST AND SAYING, YEAH, I DID
IT.
THE NEXT DAY I TOLD THE
PRESIDENT OF MY NETWORK I'M
LEAVING, AND ON THAT MONDAY
NIGHT, THEY LET ME GIVE A SPEECH
TO THE PEOPLE TELLING THEM I
MISS THEM.
I DID AN OLD LINE FROM VICTOR,
IT'S NOT GOOD BUY BUT TILL WE
MEET AGAIN.
AND I WANTED TO SAY THEM TILL WE
MEET AGAIN.
I MISS PEOPLE.
PEOPLE COME UP AND SAY I MISS
YOU.
I SAY I MISS YOU, TOO!
I WISH I WERE STILL ON THE SHOW.
BUT I'M 75.
SOONER OR LATER YOU HAVE TO WALK
OUT THE DOOR AND CONCEDE THE
FACT YOU'RE OLD.
BUT OLD DOGS CAN LEARN NEW
TRICKS AS TIPP O'NEIL AND I
SAID.
>> Stephen: A LOT OF PEOPLE
SAID I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR WHAT
CHRIS HAD TO SAY ABOUT THE
ELECTION.
WHAT NOVEMBER 5 WAS HEN POISONED
THE NATIONAL CONSCIOUSNESS WITH
HIS CLAIMS AND THE 7th WHEN HE
LOST.
HOW MUCH DID YOU WANT TO TALK
ABOUT THIS ELECTION BECAUSE YOU
HAVE SUCH PERSPECTIVE ON THIS?
>> WELL, WE HAD A WONDERFUL
TURNOUT.
WE HAD TO LOOK AT THE GOOD SIDE.
TRUMP GOT 74 MILLION VOTES BUT
BIDEN GOT 8 IS MILLION.
71 MILLION VOTES IS NOT A
SQUEAKER.
IT'S NOT LIKE NIXON, YOU COULD
ARGUE ABOUT THE CHICAGO OR
TEXAS' COUNT, YOU COULD ARGUE
ABOUT THAT.
HE SAT DOWN WITH JACK KENNEDY IN
KEYBISCANE, FLORIDA, THEY HAD A
BOTTLE OF COKE AND TALKED ABOUT
IT AND NIXON MADE IT CLEAR
KENNEDY WON.
AND THAT'S WHAT A NOBLE PERSON
DOES AND TRUMP HAS NOT BEEN
NOBLE.
PART OF IT IS THE MAN HAS NO
KNOWLEDGE OF AMERICAN HISTORY,
NO LOVE FOR IT, HE DOESN'T KNOW
THE RULES OF LIFE POLITICALLY.
I LOVE DEMOCRACY, OUR SYSTEM, I
WORKED ON THE INSIDE, I PLAYED
THE GAME.
I WAS NOT A VIRGIN ABOUT IT, I
KNEW HOW TO PLAY HARD BALL
POLITICS.
I PULLED SOME NUMBERS WHEN I
TORQUED FOR TIPP O'NEIL.
I DID THINGS LIKE CALLING OUT
THE CHIEF ENGINEER OF THE
REPUBLICAN LEADER WHEN HE WAS
ATTACKING INFRASTRUCTURE AND I
GOT A LIST OF ALL BRIDGES BELOW
SAFETY CODE AND TIPP WENT ON THE
FLOOR AND READ THE NAMES AND
ADDRESSES OF THE BRIDGES IN
FRONT OF THE REPUBLICAN
LEADER -- IN YOUR OWN DISTRICT,
THE SCHOOL BUSES HAVE TO DRIVE
OVER THE BRIDGES THAT ARE
RICKETY AND DANGEROUS WHY DON'T
YOU FIX THEM?
>> Stephen: WHY ISN'T SOMEBODY
DOING THAT IN THE SENATE NOW?
>> POLITICS CAN BE TOUGH AND FUN
AND HONEST AND I LOVED DOING
THAT.
IN THE MIDDLE TO HAVE THE NIGHT
I ORGANIZED A UNION OF
STEELWORKERS TO GO TO THE WHITE
HOUSE AT 4:00 IN THE MORNING AND
HAVE A BIG DEMONSTRATION AND I
MADE SURE I HAD DONUTS AND
COFFEE FOR THEM IN CASE THEY
SAID IT'S BOTH PARTY'S FAULT,
IT'S ONE PARTY'S FAULT.
>> Stephen: THE BOOK IS "THIS
COUNTRY," FULL OF STORIES JUST
LIKE THAT FROM THE MAN CHRIS
MATTHEWS.
BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY
"CYNTHIA ERIVO.
♪♪♪
>> I HAVE BEEN SLEEPING ON MY PILLOWS FOR SOME TIME. I LOVE THEM.
SIMPLY THE VERY BEST PILLOWS
EVER MADE.
>> HEY, RUDY, I SAW YOU
PROMOTING MY PILLOWS AND I GOT
WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
IF YOU NEED HELP, A WARM MEAL,
GIVE ME A SHOUT.
I JUST MET THE MOST PATHETIC
( BLEEP ) ALIVE AND IT MADE ME
REALIZE I AM THE LUCKIEST MAN IN
THE WORLD!
♪♪♪
>> Stephen: PERFORMING "THE GOOD" FROM HER FORTHCOMING DEBUT ALBUM,
"CHAPTER ONE, VERSE ONE,"
CYNTHIA ERIVO.
♪♪♪
♪ ♪ ♪
GONE IS THE WAY WE USED TO SMILE
♪ MY DEAR
HOPE DOESN'T SPRING FROM
♪ ANYWHERE
WATCHING THE WORLD FORGET
♪ TO BREATHE
WISH WE COULD STOP AND FEEL
♪ THE BREEZE
BUT I KNOW
♪ THERE'S NO POINT IN WAITING
FOR WHAT I CAN'T SEE
♪ HOLDING MY CHEST
AS ALL MY TEARS FALL OUT
♪ MY MIND'S IN A SPIN
AS ALL THE PAIN POURS DOWN
♪ WHAT CAN I DO
TO MAKE THESE DAYS GO BY
♪ I HAVEN'T THE STRENGTH
TO MAKE THE RAINFALL DIE
♪ JUST WANNA REMEMBER THE
GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD
♪ JUST WANNA REMEMBER THE
GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD
♪ WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE THESE
DAYS GO BY
♪ WHEN DARKNESS SURROUNDS ME
BUT I SEE THE LIGHT
♪ JUST WANNA REMEMBER THE GOOD
GONE ARE THE LIES WE USED
♪ TO TELL OURSELVES
THERE'S ONLY SO LONG
♪ WE CAN LIVE A FAIRY TALE
INNOCENT CHILDREN STOLEN YOUTH
♪ IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES
UNTIL YOU LOSE
♪ I KNOW THERE'S NO GROWING UP
IF YOU CAN'T FACE THE TRUTH
♪ HOLDING MY CHEST
AS ALL MY TEARS FALL OUT
♪ MY MIND'S IN A SPIN
AS ALL THE PAIN POURS DOWN
♪ WHAT CAN I DO
TO MAKE THESE DAYS GO BY
♪ I HAVEN'T THE STRENGTH
TO MAKE THE RAINFALL DIE
♪ JUST WANNA REMEMBER THE
GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD
♪ JUST WANNA REMEMBER THE
GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD
♪ WHAT CAN I DO
TO MAKE THESE DAYS GO BY
♪ WHEN DARKNESS SURROUNDS ME
BUT I SEE THE LIGHT
♪ JUST WANNA REMEMBER THE GOOD
JUST WANNA REMEMBER THE GOOD ♪ GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD JUST WANNA REMEMBER THE
♪ GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD
WHAT CAN I DO
♪ TO MAKE THESE DAYS GO BY
WHEN DARKNESS SURROUNDS ME
♪ BUT I SEE THE LIGHT
JUST WANNA REMEMBER THE GOOD
♪
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR "'A' LATE SHOW." TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS
WILL BE CLIVE OWEN AND COMEDIAN
ZIWE.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT, GOODNIGHT.
♪♪♪
Captioning sponsored by CBS
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org