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<font color="#ffff00"> Captioning sponsored by CBS</font>

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>> REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN ANDREW
CLYDE TALKED ABOUT THE DEADLY
VIOLENCE ON JANUARY 6.

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CLYDE TALKED ABOUT THE DEADLY
VIOLENCE ON JANUARY 6.
>> THERE WAS NO INSURRECTION,

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VIOLENCE ON JANUARY 6.
>> THERE WAS NO INSURRECTION,
AND TO CALL IT AN INSURRECTION,

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>> THERE WAS NO INSURRECTION,
AND TO CALL IT AN INSURRECTION,
IN MY OPINION, IS A BOLD-FACED

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AND TO CALL IT AN INSURRECTION,
IN MY OPINION, IS A BOLD-FACED
LIE.

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IN MY OPINION, IS A BOLD-FACED
LIE.
WATCHING THE TV FOOTAGE OF THOSE

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LIE.
WATCHING THE TV FOOTAGE OF THOSE
WHO ENTERED THE CAPITOL AND

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WATCHING THE TV FOOTAGE OF THOSE
WHO ENTERED THE CAPITOL AND
WALKED THROUGH STATUARY HALL

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WHO ENTERED THE CAPITOL AND
WALKED THROUGH STATUARY HALL
SHOWED PEOPLE IN ORDERLY FASHION

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WALKED THROUGH STATUARY HALL
SHOWED PEOPLE IN ORDERLY FASHION
TAKING VIDEOS AND PICTURES.

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SHOWED PEOPLE IN ORDERLY FASHION
TAKING VIDEOS AND PICTURES.
IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW THE TV

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TAKING VIDEOS AND PICTURES.
IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW THE TV
FOOTAGE WAS A VIDEO FROM JANUARY

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IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW THE TV
FOOTAGE WAS A VIDEO FROM JANUARY
6, YOU WOULD ACTUALLY THINK IT

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FOOTAGE WAS A VIDEO FROM JANUARY
6, YOU WOULD ACTUALLY THINK IT
WAS A NORMAL TOURIST VISIT.

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6, YOU WOULD ACTUALLY THINK IT
WAS A NORMAL TOURIST VISIT.
>> ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FAMILY

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WAS A NORMAL TOURIST VISIT.
>> ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FAMILY
VACATION STEEPED IN AMERICAN

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>> ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FAMILY
VACATION STEEPED IN AMERICAN
HISTORY?

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VACATION STEEPED IN AMERICAN
HISTORY?
THEN BOOK A CONGRESSMAN CLYDE

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HISTORY?
THEN BOOK A CONGRESSMAN CLYDE
CAPITOL TOUR TODAY.

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THEN BOOK A CONGRESSMAN CLYDE
CAPITOL TOUR TODAY.
YOU AND A MOB OF YOUR FRIENDS

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CAPITOL TOUR TODAY.
YOU AND A MOB OF YOUR FRIENDS
CAN EXPLORE CAPITOL HILL.

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YOU AND A MOB OF YOUR FRIENDS
CAN EXPLORE CAPITOL HILL.
SCALE THE SCENIC BARRICADES.

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CAN EXPLORE CAPITOL HILL.
SCALE THE SCENIC BARRICADES.
MEET A REAL CAPITOL POLICE

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SCALE THE SCENIC BARRICADES.
MEET A REAL CAPITOL POLICE
OFFICER-- IN THE FACE!

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MEET A REAL CAPITOL POLICE
OFFICER-- IN THE FACE!
TEST YOUR SKILL IN THE LOG TOSS!

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OFFICER-- IN THE FACE!
TEST YOUR SKILL IN THE LOG TOSS!
SEE OUR COSTUME CHARACTERS.

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TEST YOUR SKILL IN THE LOG TOSS!
SEE OUR COSTUME CHARACTERS.
ENJOY OUR ROTUNDA FLOOR TOILETS,

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SEE OUR COSTUME CHARACTERS.
ENJOY OUR ROTUNDA FLOOR TOILETS,
AND DON'T FORGET TO VISIT THE

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ENJOY OUR ROTUNDA FLOOR TOILETS,
AND DON'T FORGET TO VISIT THE
GIFT SHOP.

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AND DON'T FORGET TO VISIT THE
GIFT SHOP.
PLUS, WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH THE

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GIFT SHOP.
PLUS, WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH THE
CAPITOL.

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PLUS, WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH THE
CAPITOL.
ENJOY A COMPLIMENTARY STAY IN

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CAPITOL.
ENJOY A COMPLIMENTARY STAY IN
OUR FIVE-BAR HOTEL.

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ENJOY A COMPLIMENTARY STAY IN
OUR FIVE-BAR HOTEL.
CONGRESSMAN CLYDE'S CAPITOL

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OUR FIVE-BAR HOTEL.
CONGRESSMAN CLYDE'S CAPITOL
TOURS-- FUN FOR THE WHOLE

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CONGRESSMAN CLYDE'S CAPITOL
TOURS-- FUN FOR THE WHOLE
MILITIA!

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TOURS-- FUN FOR THE WHOLE
MILITIA!
>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW"

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MILITIA!
>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW"
WITH STEPHEN COLBERT.

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>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW"
WITH STEPHEN COLBERT.
TODAY GETTING BACK TO NORMAL.

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WITH STEPHEN COLBERT.
TODAY GETTING BACK TO NORMAL.
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES SETH ROGEN

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TODAY GETTING BACK TO NORMAL.
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES SETH ROGEN
AND MUSICAL GUESTS JACK INGRAM,

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PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES SETH ROGEN
AND MUSICAL GUESTS JACK INGRAM,
MIRANDA LAMBERT AND JON RANDALL,

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AND MUSICAL GUESTS JACK INGRAM,
MIRANDA LAMBERT AND JON RANDALL,
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY

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MIRANDA LAMBERT AND JON RANDALL,
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY
HOMIN'."

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FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY
HOMIN'."
AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED

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HOMIN'."
AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED
SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE BUILDING

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AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED
SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE BUILDING
IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN

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SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE BUILDING
IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN
COLBERT!

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IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN
COLBERT!
>> Stephen: WELL, HILO,

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COLBERT!
>> Stephen: WELL, HILO,
EVERYBODY!

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>> Stephen: WELL, HILO,
EVERYBODY!
WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

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EVERYBODY!
WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.

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WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.

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I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.
EVIE IS HERE.

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IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.
EVIE IS HERE.
SHE HAS THE CAKE BALLS.

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EVIE IS HERE.
SHE HAS THE CAKE BALLS.
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )

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SHE HAS THE CAKE BALLS.
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
THOSE ARE CALLED CAKE BALLS,

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(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
THOSE ARE CALLED CAKE BALLS,
AREN'T THEY?

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THOSE ARE CALLED CAKE BALLS,
AREN'T THEY?
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )

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AREN'T THEY?
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
WHAT ARE THOSE CALLED?

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(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
WHAT ARE THOSE CALLED?
WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THOSE?

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WHAT ARE THOSE CALLED?
WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THOSE?
THROW ME A CAKE BALL.

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WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THOSE?
THROW ME A CAKE BALL.
THROW ME A CAKE BALL, COME ON.

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THROW ME A CAKE BALL.
THROW ME A CAKE BALL, COME ON.
COME ON.

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THROW ME A CAKE BALL, COME ON.
COME ON.
>> ALL RIGHT.

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COME ON.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

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>> ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
CAKE BALL.

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>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
CAKE BALL.
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )

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CAKE BALL.
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
MMM.

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(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
MMM.
MMM.

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MMM.
MMM.
MMM.

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MMM.
MMM.
(<i> SMACKING</i> )

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MMM.
(<i> SMACKING</i> )
THAT'S NOT GOING TO SLOW DOWN

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(<i> SMACKING</i> )
THAT'S NOT GOING TO SLOW DOWN
THIS MONOLOGUE AT ALL.

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THAT'S NOT GOING TO SLOW DOWN
THIS MONOLOGUE AT ALL.
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )

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THIS MONOLOGUE AT ALL.
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
THESE ARE DELICIOUS.

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(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
THESE ARE DELICIOUS.
FROM LITTLE DAISY?

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THESE ARE DELICIOUS.
FROM LITTLE DAISY?
>> LITTLE DAISY--

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FROM LITTLE DAISY?
>> LITTLE DAISY--
>> Stephen: OH, MY GOD.

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>> LITTLE DAISY--
>> Stephen: OH, MY GOD.
THE C.D.C. GAVE US A GIFT,

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>> Stephen: OH, MY GOD.
THE C.D.C. GAVE US A GIFT,
ALLOWED US TO STOP WEARING MASKS

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THE C.D.C. GAVE US A GIFT,
ALLOWED US TO STOP WEARING MASKS
INSIDE MOST PLACES.

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ALLOWED US TO STOP WEARING MASKS
INSIDE MOST PLACES.
OH! I LOVE "MOST PLACES."

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INSIDE MOST PLACES.
OH! I LOVE "MOST PLACES."
IN FACT, THIS IS ONE OF THE

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OH! I LOVE "MOST PLACES."
IN FACT, THIS IS ONE OF THE
"MOST PLACES" I GO.

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IN FACT, THIS IS ONE OF THE
"MOST PLACES" I GO.
WE LEARNED THE GREAT NEWS THIS

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"MOST PLACES" I GO.
WE LEARNED THE GREAT NEWS THIS
AFTERNOON FROM THE C.D.C.'S

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WE LEARNED THE GREAT NEWS THIS
AFTERNOON FROM THE C.D.C.'S
DR. ROCHELLE WALENSKY:

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AFTERNOON FROM THE C.D.C.'S
DR. ROCHELLE WALENSKY:
>> TODAY, C.D.C. IS UPDATING OUR

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DR. ROCHELLE WALENSKY:
>> TODAY, C.D.C. IS UPDATING OUR
GUIDANCE FOR FULLY VACCINATED

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>> TODAY, C.D.C. IS UPDATING OUR
GUIDANCE FOR FULLY VACCINATED
PEOPLE.

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GUIDANCE FOR FULLY VACCINATED
PEOPLE.
ANYONE WHO IS FULLY VACCINATED

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PEOPLE.
ANYONE WHO IS FULLY VACCINATED
CAN PARTICIPATE IN INDOOR AND

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ANYONE WHO IS FULLY VACCINATED
CAN PARTICIPATE IN INDOOR AND
OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES, LARGE OR

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CAN PARTICIPATE IN INDOOR AND
OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES, LARGE OR
SMALL WITHOUT WEARING A MASK OR

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OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES, LARGE OR
SMALL WITHOUT WEARING A MASK OR
PHYSICAL DISTANCING.

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SMALL WITHOUT WEARING A MASK OR
PHYSICAL DISTANCING.
>> Stephen: OH, MY GOD, I COULD

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PHYSICAL DISTANCING.
>> Stephen: OH, MY GOD, I COULD
KISS YOU-- LITERALLY 'CAUSE

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>> Stephen: OH, MY GOD, I COULD
KISS YOU-- LITERALLY 'CAUSE
WE'RE BOTH VACCINATED.

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KISS YOU-- LITERALLY 'CAUSE
WE'RE BOTH VACCINATED.
I COULD EVEN KISS YOU INDOORS.

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WE'RE BOTH VACCINATED.
I COULD EVEN KISS YOU INDOORS.
BUT I NEVER WOULD.

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I COULD EVEN KISS YOU INDOORS.
BUT I NEVER WOULD.
I NEVER WOULD.

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BUT I NEVER WOULD.
I NEVER WOULD.
> NO.

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I NEVER WOULD.
> NO.
>> Stephen: I THINK, WITH THIS

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> NO.
>> Stephen: I THINK, WITH THIS
ANNOUNCEMENT, YOU'RE GOING TO

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>> Stephen: I THINK, WITH THIS
ANNOUNCEMENT, YOU'RE GOING TO
SEE A LOT OF SMILING FACES.

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ANNOUNCEMENT, YOU'RE GOING TO
SEE A LOT OF SMILING FACES.
DR. WALENSKY CONTINUED WITH HER

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SEE A LOT OF SMILING FACES.
DR. WALENSKY CONTINUED WITH HER
GOODNESS.

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DR. WALENSKY CONTINUED WITH HER
GOODNESS.
>> IF YOU ARE FULLY VACCINATED,

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GOODNESS.
>> IF YOU ARE FULLY VACCINATED,
YOU CAN START DOING THE THINGS

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>> IF YOU ARE FULLY VACCINATED,
YOU CAN START DOING THE THINGS
YOU STOPPED DOING BECAUSE OF THE

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YOU CAN START DOING THE THINGS
YOU STOPPED DOING BECAUSE OF THE
PANDEMIC.

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YOU STOPPED DOING BECAUSE OF THE
PANDEMIC.
>> Stephen: OH, HELL, YES, I'M

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PANDEMIC.
>> Stephen: OH, HELL, YES, I'M
FINALLY GOING TO HATCH GODZILLA

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>> Stephen: OH, HELL, YES, I'M
FINALLY GOING TO HATCH GODZILLA
VERSUS CONGRESS THE WAY IT WAS

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FINALLY GOING TO HATCH GODZILLA
VERSUS CONGRESS THE WAY IT WAS
MEANT TO BE SEEN-- ON A PLANE!

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VERSUS CONGRESS THE WAY IT WAS
MEANT TO BE SEEN-- ON A PLANE!
I'M GETTING EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW,

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MEANT TO BE SEEN-- ON A PLANE!
I'M GETTING EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW,
AS YOU CAN TELL.

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I'M GETTING EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW,
AS YOU CAN TELL.
FINALLY AFTER 14 MONTHS OF

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AS YOU CAN TELL.
FINALLY AFTER 14 MONTHS OF
ISOLATION, I WILL BE ABLE TO DO

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FINALLY AFTER 14 MONTHS OF
ISOLATION, I WILL BE ABLE TO DO
THE SHOW WITH YOU IN MY

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ISOLATION, I WILL BE ABLE TO DO
THE SHOW WITH YOU IN MY
AUDIENCE.

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THE SHOW WITH YOU IN MY
AUDIENCE.
ARE WE BACK?

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AUDIENCE.
ARE WE BACK?
>> NO.

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ARE WE BACK?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU 400 PEOPLE?

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>> NO.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU 400 PEOPLE?
>> NO.

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>> Stephen: ARE YOU 400 PEOPLE?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: WHY AREN'T YOU 400

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>> NO.
>> Stephen: WHY AREN'T YOU 400
PEOPLE?

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>> Stephen: WHY AREN'T YOU 400
PEOPLE?
REMEMBER, ALL THIS GOOD STUFF IS

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PEOPLE?
REMEMBER, ALL THIS GOOD STUFF IS
ONLY FOR VACCINATED PEOPLE.

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REMEMBER, ALL THIS GOOD STUFF IS
ONLY FOR VACCINATED PEOPLE.
THE C.D.C. IS MAKING A HUGE

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ONLY FOR VACCINATED PEOPLE.
THE C.D.C. IS MAKING A HUGE
DISTINCTION BETWEEN AMERICANS

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THE C.D.C. IS MAKING A HUGE
DISTINCTION BETWEEN AMERICANS
WHO DID OR DID NOT GET THE SHOT.

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DISTINCTION BETWEEN AMERICANS
WHO DID OR DID NOT GET THE SHOT.
THEY EVEN PUT OUT THIS ACTUAL

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WHO DID OR DID NOT GET THE SHOT.
THEY EVEN PUT OUT THIS ACTUAL
HANDY CHART.

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THEY EVEN PUT OUT THIS ACTUAL
HANDY CHART.
ON THE LEFT, UNVACCINATED PEOPLE

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HANDY CHART.
ON THE LEFT, UNVACCINATED PEOPLE
WITH YELLOW AND RED SHADES BUT

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ON THE LEFT, UNVACCINATED PEOPLE
WITH YELLOW AND RED SHADES BUT
ON THE RIGHT VACCINATED PEOPLE

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WITH YELLOW AND RED SHADES BUT
ON THE RIGHT VACCINATED PEOPLE
ARE ALL GREEN FOR THE GO!

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ON THE RIGHT VACCINATED PEOPLE
ARE ALL GREEN FOR THE GO!
WE CAN DO EVERYTHING--

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ARE ALL GREEN FOR THE GO!
WE CAN DO EVERYTHING--
EVERYTHING MASKLESS FROM THE

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WE CAN DO EVERYTHING--
EVERYTHING MASKLESS FROM THE
VISIT A HAIR SALON TO VISIT A

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EVERYTHING MASKLESS FROM THE
VISIT A HAIR SALON TO VISIT A
MOVIE THEATER, EVEN PARTICIPATE

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VISIT A HAIR SALON TO VISIT A
MOVIE THEATER, EVEN PARTICIPATE
IN AN INDOOR HIGH-INTENSITY

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MOVIE THEATER, EVEN PARTICIPATE
IN AN INDOOR HIGH-INTENSITY
EXERCISE CLASS WHICH IS AMAZING

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IN AN INDOOR HIGH-INTENSITY
EXERCISE CLASS WHICH IS AMAZING
BECAUSE I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO

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EXERCISE CLASS WHICH IS AMAZING
BECAUSE I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO
DO THAT BEFORE.

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BECAUSE I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO
DO THAT BEFORE.
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )

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DO THAT BEFORE.
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
NOW, NOT EVERYBODY IS

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(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
NOW, NOT EVERYBODY IS
COMFORTABLE TOSSING THEIR MASKS

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NOW, NOT EVERYBODY IS
COMFORTABLE TOSSING THEIR MASKS
ASIDE YET, AND THE EXPERTS WANT

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COMFORTABLE TOSSING THEIR MASKS
ASIDE YET, AND THE EXPERTS WANT
THOSE PEOPLE TO GO AT THEIR OWN

154
00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:12,077
ASIDE YET, AND THE EXPERTS WANT
THOSE PEOPLE TO GO AT THEIR OWN
PACE.

155
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:15,614
THOSE PEOPLE TO GO AT THEIR OWN
PACE.
>> I HEARD YOU SAY TO GAYLE

156
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:16,248
PACE.
>> I HEARD YOU SAY TO GAYLE
KING, SHE SAID THAT PEOPLE WERE

157
00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,249
>> I HEARD YOU SAY TO GAYLE
KING, SHE SAID THAT PEOPLE WERE
LOOKING AT HER FUNNY FOR WEARING

158
00:05:17,251 --> 00:05:18,417
KING, SHE SAID THAT PEOPLE WERE
LOOKING AT HER FUNNY FOR WEARING
A MASK, EVEN THOUGH SHE'S

159
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:18,817
LOOKING AT HER FUNNY FOR WEARING
A MASK, EVEN THOUGH SHE'S
VACCINATED.

160
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,018
A MASK, EVEN THOUGH SHE'S
VACCINATED.
IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH

161
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:20,552
VACCINATED.
IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH
THAT?

162
00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:22,254
IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH
THAT?
SHOULD PEOPLE BE SIDE EYEING

163
00:05:22,256 --> 00:05:23,355
THAT?
SHOULD PEOPLE BE SIDE EYEING
THEM?

164
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:24,056
SHOULD PEOPLE BE SIDE EYEING
THEM?
>> NO.

165
00:05:24,058 --> 00:05:25,891
THEM?
>> NO.
NOT AT ALL.

166
00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:27,592
>> NO.
NOT AT ALL.
PEOPLE HAVE TO MAKE THEIR OWN

167
00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:28,060
NOT AT ALL.
PEOPLE HAVE TO MAKE THEIR OWN
PERSONAL CHOICE.

168
00:05:28,062 --> 00:05:30,462
PEOPLE HAVE TO MAKE THEIR OWN
PERSONAL CHOICE.
>> AS A RULE WE ARE ANTI SIDE-

169
00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:31,096
PERSONAL CHOICE.
>> AS A RULE WE ARE ANTI SIDE-
EYEING.

170
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:32,064
>> AS A RULE WE ARE ANTI SIDE-
EYEING.
>> Stephen: REALLY?

171
00:05:32,066 --> 00:05:36,068
EYEING.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )

172
00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:36,468
>> Stephen: REALLY?
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
THAT'S THE RULE?

173
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:38,770
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
THAT'S THE RULE?
BUT EVEN WITH THESE NEW

174
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:40,072
THAT'S THE RULE?
BUT EVEN WITH THESE NEW
FREEDOMS, A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE

175
00:05:40,074 --> 00:05:42,474
BUT EVEN WITH THESE NEW
FREEDOMS, A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE
STILL HESITANT TO GET A SHOT.

176
00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:44,076
FREEDOMS, A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE
STILL HESITANT TO GET A SHOT.
I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE LATEST

177
00:05:44,078 --> 00:05:44,710
STILL HESITANT TO GET A SHOT.
I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE LATEST
IN TONIGHT'S, "THE VAX-SCENE."

178
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:47,412
I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE LATEST
IN TONIGHT'S, "THE VAX-SCENE."
(<i> SINGING TO "BLOW THE MAN</i>

179
00:05:47,414 --> 00:05:48,080
IN TONIGHT'S, "THE VAX-SCENE."
(<i> SINGING TO "BLOW THE MAN</i>
<i> DOWN"</i> )

180
00:05:48,082 --> 00:05:50,749
(<i> SINGING TO "BLOW THE MAN</i>
<i> DOWN"</i> )
♪ THE GLOBAL PANDEMIC

181
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,084
<i> DOWN"</i> )
♪ THE GLOBAL PANDEMIC
HAS COME TO YOUR TOWN

182
00:05:52,086 --> 00:05:54,119
♪ THE GLOBAL PANDEMIC
HAS COME TO YOUR TOWN
♪ YAY HEY

183
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:54,486
HAS COME TO YOUR TOWN
♪ YAY HEY
VACCINATE NOW.

184
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:57,923
♪ YAY HEY
VACCINATE NOW.
♪ THERE AIN'T NO MORE TV

185
00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,124
VACCINATE NOW.
♪ THERE AIN'T NO MORE TV
GET OFFA YOUR COUCH.

186
00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:00,092
♪ THERE AIN'T NO MORE TV
GET OFFA YOUR COUCH.
♪ PLEASE TAKE SOME TIME

187
00:06:00,094 --> 00:06:04,963
GET OFFA YOUR COUCH.
♪ PLEASE TAKE SOME TIME
TO VACCINATE NOW ♪

188
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,465
♪ PLEASE TAKE SOME TIME
TO VACCINATE NOW ♪
>> Stephen: THANK YOU ME

189
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:07,733
TO VACCINATE NOW ♪
>> Stephen: THANK YOU ME
SWABBIES.

190
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:08,266
>> Stephen: THANK YOU ME
SWABBIES.
TO ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO GET

191
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:10,869
SWABBIES.
TO ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO GET
VACCINATED, SOME GOVERNORS ARE

192
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,104
TO ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO GET
VACCINATED, SOME GOVERNORS ARE
GETTING CREATIVE.

193
00:06:12,106 --> 00:06:16,074
VACCINATED, SOME GOVERNORS ARE
GETTING CREATIVE.
LIKE OHIO GOVERNOR AND STEPHEN

194
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,776
GETTING CREATIVE.
LIKE OHIO GOVERNOR AND STEPHEN
OLD-BERT, MIKE DEWINE.

195
00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:18,477
LIKE OHIO GOVERNOR AND STEPHEN
OLD-BERT, MIKE DEWINE.
DEWINE TOOK TO "THE TWITTERS"

196
00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:20,078
OLD-BERT, MIKE DEWINE.
DEWINE TOOK TO "THE TWITTERS"
YESTERDAY TO ANNOUNCE A DRAWING

197
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,747
DEWINE TOOK TO "THE TWITTERS"
YESTERDAY TO ANNOUNCE A DRAWING
FOR ADULTS WHO HAVE RECEIVED AT

198
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:22,781
YESTERDAY TO ANNOUNCE A DRAWING
FOR ADULTS WHO HAVE RECEIVED AT
LEAST THEIR FIRST DOSE OF THE

199
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,082
FOR ADULTS WHO HAVE RECEIVED AT
LEAST THEIR FIRST DOSE OF THE
VACCINE.

200
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:25,283
LEAST THEIR FIRST DOSE OF THE
VACCINE.
THE WINNER WILL RECEIVE ONE

201
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:26,318
VACCINE.
THE WINNER WILL RECEIVE ONE
MILLION DOLLARS.

202
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:27,619
THE WINNER WILL RECEIVE ONE
MILLION DOLLARS.
WOW!

203
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:28,220
MILLION DOLLARS.
WOW!
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU COULD BUY

204
00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:30,489
WOW!
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU COULD BUY
WITH $1 MILLION IN OHIO?

205
00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,057
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU COULD BUY
WITH $1 MILLION IN OHIO?
TOLEDO.

206
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,760
WITH $1 MILLION IN OHIO?
TOLEDO.
IT'S A BIT OF A FIXER-UPPER.

207
00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:36,061
TOLEDO.
IT'S A BIT OF A FIXER-UPPER.
THE MONEY COMES FROM FEDERAL

208
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:36,628
IT'S A BIT OF A FIXER-UPPER.
THE MONEY COMES FROM FEDERAL
COVID RELIEF FUNDS, BUT THE

209
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:38,997
THE MONEY COMES FROM FEDERAL
COVID RELIEF FUNDS, BUT THE
DRAWING ITSELF WILL BE CONDUCTED

210
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,065
COVID RELIEF FUNDS, BUT THE
DRAWING ITSELF WILL BE CONDUCTED
BY THE OHIO LOTTERY.

211
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,134
DRAWING ITSELF WILL BE CONDUCTED
BY THE OHIO LOTTERY.
WHICH IS WHY IN OHIO,

212
00:06:42,136 --> 00:06:42,734
BY THE OHIO LOTTERY.
WHICH IS WHY IN OHIO,
VACCINATION CARDS ARE NOW ALSO

213
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,871
WHICH IS WHY IN OHIO,
VACCINATION CARDS ARE NOW ALSO
SCRATCHER.

214
00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:48,073
VACCINATION CARDS ARE NOW ALSO
SCRATCHER.
HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO.

215
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:48,473
SCRATCHER.
HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO.
SYRINGE.

216
00:06:48,475 --> 00:06:52,043
HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO.
SYRINGE.
SYRINGE.

217
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:53,044
SYRINGE.
SYRINGE.
DAMN!

218
00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:54,479
SYRINGE.
DAMN!
BLEACH.

219
00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:56,081
DAMN!
BLEACH.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )

220
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:59,084
BLEACH.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
HERE IN NEW YORK CITY, MAYOR

221
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:00,051
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
HERE IN NEW YORK CITY, MAYOR
BILL DEBLASIO ANNOUNCED THAT

222
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:02,320
HERE IN NEW YORK CITY, MAYOR
BILL DEBLASIO ANNOUNCED THAT
SHAKE SHACK IS OFFERING A FREE

223
00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:03,522
BILL DEBLASIO ANNOUNCED THAT
SHAKE SHACK IS OFFERING A FREE
BURGER AND FRIES TO VACCINATED

224
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:04,089
SHAKE SHACK IS OFFERING A FREE
BURGER AND FRIES TO VACCINATED
PEOPLE.

225
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:06,324
BURGER AND FRIES TO VACCINATED
PEOPLE.
HE SHARED THE GOOD NEWS AT A

226
00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:06,925
PEOPLE.
HE SHARED THE GOOD NEWS AT A
PRESS CONFERENCE THIS MORNING.

227
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,059
HE SHARED THE GOOD NEWS AT A
PRESS CONFERENCE THIS MORNING.
>> THANK YOU TO THE WHOLE SHAKE

228
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:09,027
PRESS CONFERENCE THIS MORNING.
>> THANK YOU TO THE WHOLE SHAKE
SHACK TEAM.

229
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:11,263
>> THANK YOU TO THE WHOLE SHAKE
SHACK TEAM.
THIS IS REALLY GOING TO HELP US

230
00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:12,063
SHACK TEAM.
THIS IS REALLY GOING TO HELP US
OUT AND DID YOU SAY FREE FRIES

231
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:16,067
THIS IS REALLY GOING TO HELP US
OUT AND DID YOU SAY FREE FRIES
WHEN YOU GET VACCINATED?

232
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:18,470
OUT AND DID YOU SAY FREE FRIES
WHEN YOU GET VACCINATED?
I GOT VACCINATED.

233
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:20,071
WHEN YOU GET VACCINATED?
I GOT VACCINATED.
YOU'RE SAYING I COULD GET THIS--

234
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:24,075
I GOT VACCINATED.
YOU'RE SAYING I COULD GET THIS--
THESE DELICIOUS FRIES ...WAIT A

235
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:26,311
YOU'RE SAYING I COULD GET THIS--
THESE DELICIOUS FRIES ...WAIT A
MINUTE, BUT THERE'S ALSO A

236
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:27,512
THESE DELICIOUS FRIES ...WAIT A
MINUTE, BUT THERE'S ALSO A
BURGER ELEMENT TO THIS?

237
00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:28,079
MINUTE, BUT THERE'S ALSO A
BURGER ELEMENT TO THIS?
IF THIS IS APPEALING TO YOU,

238
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,182
BURGER ELEMENT TO THIS?
IF THIS IS APPEALING TO YOU,
JUST THINK OF THIS WHEN YOU

239
00:07:30,184 --> 00:07:30,649
IF THIS IS APPEALING TO YOU,
JUST THINK OF THIS WHEN YOU
THINK OF VACCINATION.

240
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:33,752
JUST THINK OF THIS WHEN YOU
THINK OF VACCINATION.
MM-MMM!

241
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,554
THINK OF VACCINATION.
MM-MMM!
VACCINATION!

242
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:36,054
MM-MMM!
VACCINATION!
MM-MMM!

243
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:38,523
VACCINATION!
MM-MMM!
>> Stephen: MM-MMM!

244
00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:39,658
MM-MMM!
>> Stephen: MM-MMM!
MM-MMM!

245
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:40,225
>> Stephen: MM-MMM!
MM-MMM!
I'LL THINK ABOUT THAT WHEN I

246
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:42,461
MM-MMM!
I'LL THINK ABOUT THAT WHEN I
CAN'T FALL ASLEEP TONIGHT, MM-

247
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:44,062
I'LL THINK ABOUT THAT WHEN I
CAN'T FALL ASLEEP TONIGHT, MM-
MMM!

248
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:46,565
CAN'T FALL ASLEEP TONIGHT, MM-
MMM!
MAYBE ON MY DEATH BED!

249
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:48,066
MMM!
MAYBE ON MY DEATH BED!
WHY DOES GRANDPA LOOK TO UPSET?

250
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,101
MAYBE ON MY DEATH BED!
WHY DOES GRANDPA LOOK TO UPSET?
MM-MMM!

251
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,203
WHY DOES GRANDPA LOOK TO UPSET?
MM-MMM!
IF A MILLION DOLLARS CAN'T

252
00:07:51,205 --> 00:07:52,070
MM-MMM!
IF A MILLION DOLLARS CAN'T
CONVINCE YOU TO GET THE VACCINE,

253
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,939
IF A MILLION DOLLARS CAN'T
CONVINCE YOU TO GET THE VACCINE,
PERHAPS YOU CAN BE SWAYED TO

254
00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:54,473
CONVINCE YOU TO GET THE VACCINE,
PERHAPS YOU CAN BE SWAYED TO
CARE ABOUT YOUR PENIS.

255
00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:56,074
PERHAPS YOU CAN BE SWAYED TO
CARE ABOUT YOUR PENIS.
ACCORDING TO NEW RESEARCH COVID-

256
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:59,211
CARE ABOUT YOUR PENIS.
ACCORDING TO NEW RESEARCH COVID-
19 MAY INCREASE THE CHANCE OF

257
00:07:59,213 --> 00:08:00,078
ACCORDING TO NEW RESEARCH COVID-
19 MAY INCREASE THE CHANCE OF
ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION.

258
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,947
19 MAY INCREASE THE CHANCE OF
ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION.
THIS STUDY WAS RELEASED IN THE

259
00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:02,981
ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION.
THIS STUDY WAS RELEASED IN THE
PRESTIGIOUS NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL

260
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,082
THIS STUDY WAS RELEASED IN THE
PRESTIGIOUS NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL
OF "NOW WILL YOU WEAR A MASK,

261
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:06,485
PRESTIGIOUS NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL
OF "NOW WILL YOU WEAR A MASK,
UNCLE GARY?"

262
00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:08,086
OF "NOW WILL YOU WEAR A MASK,
UNCLE GARY?"
WHY ARE WE LEARNING ABOUT THIS

263
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,821
UNCLE GARY?"
WHY ARE WE LEARNING ABOUT THIS
ONLY NOW?

264
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,656
WHY ARE WE LEARNING ABOUT THIS
ONLY NOW?
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MILLIONS OF

265
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:12,257
ONLY NOW?
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MILLIONS OF
LIVES COULD HAVE BEEN SAVED IF

266
00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:14,593
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MILLIONS OF
LIVES COULD HAVE BEEN SAVED IF
THE C.D.C. HAD JUST PUT OUT THIS

267
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,061
LIVES COULD HAVE BEEN SAVED IF
THE C.D.C. HAD JUST PUT OUT THIS
P.S.A.?

268
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:18,463
THE C.D.C. HAD JUST PUT OUT THIS
P.S.A.?
♪ COVID WILL BREAK

269
00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:20,065
P.S.A.?
♪ COVID WILL BREAK
YOUR DAW-AW-ONG ♪

270
00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:23,969
♪ COVID WILL BREAK
YOUR DAW-AW-ONG ♪
>> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL HARMONIES.

271
00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:24,536
YOUR DAW-AW-ONG ♪
>> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL HARMONIES.
THE FINDINGS LINKING BEDROOM

272
00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:26,938
>> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL HARMONIES.
THE FINDINGS LINKING BEDROOM
PERFORMANCE TO COVID WERE FIRST

273
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,073
THE FINDINGS LINKING BEDROOM
PERFORMANCE TO COVID WERE FIRST
REPORTED IN A PAPER TITLED, AND

274
00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:30,475
PERFORMANCE TO COVID WERE FIRST
REPORTED IN A PAPER TITLED, AND
I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP: MASK UP

275
00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:33,578
REPORTED IN A PAPER TITLED, AND
I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP: MASK UP
TO KEEP IT UP.

276
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:34,713
I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP: MASK UP
TO KEEP IT UP.
MASK UP TO KEEP IT UP REALLY

277
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:36,047
TO KEEP IT UP.
MASK UP TO KEEP IT UP REALLY
MAKES IT SOUND LIKE YOU SHOULD

278
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:36,648
MASK UP TO KEEP IT UP REALLY
MAKES IT SOUND LIKE YOU SHOULD
USE YOUR MASK AS A HAMMOCK FOR

279
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:39,751
MAKES IT SOUND LIKE YOU SHOULD
USE YOUR MASK AS A HAMMOCK FOR
YOUR PENIS.

280
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:40,385
USE YOUR MASK AS A HAMMOCK FOR
YOUR PENIS.
THOUGH THERE IS NO BETTER PLACE

281
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:43,722
YOUR PENIS.
THOUGH THERE IS NO BETTER PLACE
FOR YOUR PENIS TO NAP.

282
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:44,189
THOUGH THERE IS NO BETTER PLACE
FOR YOUR PENIS TO NAP.
THE WORST PART: THESE

283
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,124
FOR YOUR PENIS TO NAP.
THE WORST PART: THESE
PERFORMANCE ISSUES MAY NOT BE

284
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,059
THE WORST PART: THESE
PERFORMANCE ISSUES MAY NOT BE
TEMPORARY, BECAUSE THE RESEARCH

285
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:48,660
PERFORMANCE ISSUES MAY NOT BE
TEMPORARY, BECAUSE THE RESEARCH
FOUND THAT COVID-19 CAN REMAIN

286
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:52,063
TEMPORARY, BECAUSE THE RESEARCH
FOUND THAT COVID-19 CAN REMAIN
IN PENILE TISSUE LONG AFTER MALE

287
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:54,466
FOUND THAT COVID-19 CAN REMAIN
IN PENILE TISSUE LONG AFTER MALE
VICTIMS RECOVER FROM THE WORST

288
00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:55,800
IN PENILE TISSUE LONG AFTER MALE
VICTIMS RECOVER FROM THE WORST
SYMPTOMS OF THEIR ILLNESS.

289
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:56,401
VICTIMS RECOVER FROM THE WORST
SYMPTOMS OF THEIR ILLNESS.
YES, IN THIS CASE, THE DOCTORS

290
00:08:56,403 --> 00:09:00,071
SYMPTOMS OF THEIR ILLNESS.
YES, IN THIS CASE, THE DOCTORS
REALLY MEAN IT WHEN THEY SAY,

291
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:01,907
YES, IN THIS CASE, THE DOCTORS
REALLY MEAN IT WHEN THEY SAY,
"THE HARD PART IS OVER."

292
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:03,241
REALLY MEAN IT WHEN THEY SAY,
"THE HARD PART IS OVER."
THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE THIS NEWS

293
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:04,075
"THE HARD PART IS OVER."
THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE THIS NEWS
MIGHT SWAY SOME PEOPLE BECAUSE A

294
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:05,944
THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE THIS NEWS
MIGHT SWAY SOME PEOPLE BECAUSE A
STUDY OF ANTI-MASKERS FOUND THAT

295
00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:06,578
MIGHT SWAY SOME PEOPLE BECAUSE A
STUDY OF ANTI-MASKERS FOUND THAT
ONE OF THE THINGS DRIVING THEIR

296
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:09,514
STUDY OF ANTI-MASKERS FOUND THAT
ONE OF THE THINGS DRIVING THEIR
HESITANCY IS A FEAR OF

297
00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:10,048
ONE OF THE THINGS DRIVING THEIR
HESITANCY IS A FEAR OF
EMASCULATION.

298
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:10,682
HESITANCY IS A FEAR OF
EMASCULATION.
(<i> AS A DUDE-BRO</i> )

299
00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:11,583
EMASCULATION.
(<i> AS A DUDE-BRO</i> )
"PFFFFT.

300
00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:12,083
(<i> AS A DUDE-BRO</i> )
"PFFFFT.
NAW, MAN.

301
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:15,487
"PFFFFT.
NAW, MAN.
I'M NOT WEARIN' ANY MASK.

302
00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:16,054
NAW, MAN.
I'M NOT WEARIN' ANY MASK.
NOT DYING IS FOR GIRLS."

303
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,490
I'M NOT WEARIN' ANY MASK.
NOT DYING IS FOR GIRLS."
FELLAS, I HOPE YOU'RE LISTENING

304
00:09:18,492 --> 00:09:20,058
NOT DYING IS FOR GIRLS."
FELLAS, I HOPE YOU'RE LISTENING
IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR

305
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,160
FELLAS, I HOPE YOU'RE LISTENING
IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR
JOHNSON, GET THE JOHNSON &

306
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:23,962
IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR
JOHNSON, GET THE JOHNSON &
JOHNSON.

307
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:24,362
JOHNSON, GET THE JOHNSON &
JOHNSON.
BECAUSE REMEMBER:

308
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:28,066
JOHNSON.
BECAUSE REMEMBER:
♪ COVID WILL BREAK

309
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:30,302
BECAUSE REMEMBER:
♪ COVID WILL BREAK
YOUR DAW-AW-ONG ♪

310
00:09:30,304 --> 00:09:30,936
♪ COVID WILL BREAK
YOUR DAW-AW-ONG ♪
>> Stephen: IN NOT-SO-GOOD NEWS,

311
00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:32,070
YOUR DAW-AW-ONG ♪
>> Stephen: IN NOT-SO-GOOD NEWS,
THE GAS SHORTAGE IN THE SOUTH

312
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,838
>> Stephen: IN NOT-SO-GOOD NEWS,
THE GAS SHORTAGE IN THE SOUTH
EAST CONTINUES.

313
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,073
THE GAS SHORTAGE IN THE SOUTH
EAST CONTINUES.
PEOPLE ARE PANICKING.

314
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,074
EAST CONTINUES.
PEOPLE ARE PANICKING.
LIKE A GEORGIA MAN WHO DRILLED

315
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,343
PEOPLE ARE PANICKING.
LIKE A GEORGIA MAN WHO DRILLED
HOLES INTO THE GAS TANK OF A U-

316
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:39,878
LIKE A GEORGIA MAN WHO DRILLED
HOLES INTO THE GAS TANK OF A U-
HAUL TRUCK TO STEAL FUEL.

317
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:40,478
HOLES INTO THE GAS TANK OF A U-
HAUL TRUCK TO STEAL FUEL.
I DON'T WANT TO SOUND LIKE AN

318
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,480
HAUL TRUCK TO STEAL FUEL.
I DON'T WANT TO SOUND LIKE AN
OLD MAN, BUT THE KIDS THESE DAYS

319
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:45,383
I DON'T WANT TO SOUND LIKE AN
OLD MAN, BUT THE KIDS THESE DAYS
DON'T KNOW HOW TO SIPHON?

320
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:46,117
OLD MAN, BUT THE KIDS THESE DAYS
DON'T KNOW HOW TO SIPHON?
THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR

321
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,019
DON'T KNOW HOW TO SIPHON?
THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR
SPENDING ALL YOUR TIME ON THE

322
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:48,486
THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR
SPENDING ALL YOUR TIME ON THE
TIK TOKS.

323
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:50,288
SPENDING ALL YOUR TIME ON THE
TIK TOKS.
YOU DON'T KNOW THE ART OF COMMON

324
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,189
TIK TOKS.
YOU DON'T KNOW THE ART OF COMMON
MISCHIEF.

325
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,057
YOU DON'T KNOW THE ART OF COMMON
MISCHIEF.
NEXT YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME

326
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:53,391
MISCHIEF.
NEXT YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME
THAT GEN-Z DOESN'T KNOW THE

327
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:54,492
NEXT YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME
THAT GEN-Z DOESN'T KNOW THE
PROPER PROTOCOLS FOR LEAVING A

328
00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:56,094
THAT GEN-Z DOESN'T KNOW THE
PROPER PROTOCOLS FOR LEAVING A
FLAMING BAG OF POO ON THEIR

329
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,228
PROPER PROTOCOLS FOR LEAVING A
FLAMING BAG OF POO ON THEIR
NEIGHBOR'S PORCH?

330
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,096
FLAMING BAG OF POO ON THEIR
NEIGHBOR'S PORCH?
YOU HAVE TO RING THE DOORBELL

331
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,065
NEIGHBOR'S PORCH?
YOU HAVE TO RING THE DOORBELL
AND RUN.

332
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:02,033
YOU HAVE TO RING THE DOORBELL
AND RUN.
YOU CAN'T JUST TEXT, HERE.

333
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,468
AND RUN.
YOU CAN'T JUST TEXT, HERE.
THE SHORTAGE WAS TRIGGERED BY

334
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:04,069
YOU CAN'T JUST TEXT, HERE.
THE SHORTAGE WAS TRIGGERED BY
THE SHUTDOWN OF THE COLONIAL

335
00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:05,971
THE SHORTAGE WAS TRIGGERED BY
THE SHUTDOWN OF THE COLONIAL
PIPELINE AFTER HACKERS

336
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:06,504
THE SHUTDOWN OF THE COLONIAL
PIPELINE AFTER HACKERS
PENETRATED THEIR COMPUTER

337
00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:08,073
PIPELINE AFTER HACKERS
PENETRATED THEIR COMPUTER
SYSTEM, BUT WE GOT SOME GOOD

338
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,241
PENETRATED THEIR COMPUTER
SYSTEM, BUT WE GOT SOME GOOD
NEWS YESTERDAY, BECAUSE THE

339
00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:12,077
SYSTEM, BUT WE GOT SOME GOOD
NEWS YESTERDAY, BECAUSE THE
COMPANY HAS INITIATED THE

340
00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:12,544
NEWS YESTERDAY, BECAUSE THE
COMPANY HAS INITIATED THE
RESTART OF OPERATIONS.

341
00:10:12,546 --> 00:10:16,081
COMPANY HAS INITIATED THE
RESTART OF OPERATIONS.
INITIATED A RESTART?

342
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,282
RESTART OF OPERATIONS.
INITIATED A RESTART?
THERE'S GAS STATIONS OUT OF GAS

343
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,016
INITIATED A RESTART?
THERE'S GAS STATIONS OUT OF GAS
ALL OVER THE SOUTHEAST.

344
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:18,617
THERE'S GAS STATIONS OUT OF GAS
ALL OVER THE SOUTHEAST.
YOU CAN'T BE MORE URGENT THAN

345
00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,051
ALL OVER THE SOUTHEAST.
YOU CAN'T BE MORE URGENT THAN
THAT?

346
00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:22,687
YOU CAN'T BE MORE URGENT THAN
THAT?
I'M NO OIL PIPELINE EXPERT, BUT

347
00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:23,722
THAT?
I'M NO OIL PIPELINE EXPERT, BUT
THAT SOUNDS A LITTLE BIT LIKE

348
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:24,255
I'M NO OIL PIPELINE EXPERT, BUT
THAT SOUNDS A LITTLE BIT LIKE
WHEN MY FRIENDS ARE AT THE

349
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:27,325
THAT SOUNDS A LITTLE BIT LIKE
WHEN MY FRIENDS ARE AT THE
RESTAURANT WONDERING WHERE I AM,

350
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:28,059
WHEN MY FRIENDS ARE AT THE
RESTAURANT WONDERING WHERE I AM,
WHICH IS STILL IN MY TOWEL,

351
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:30,495
RESTAURANT WONDERING WHERE I AM,
WHICH IS STILL IN MY TOWEL,
GETTING OUT OF THE SHOWER, AND I

352
00:10:30,497 --> 00:10:32,063
WHICH IS STILL IN MY TOWEL,
GETTING OUT OF THE SHOWER, AND I
TEXT THEM: I'M ALMOST THERE.

353
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:35,266
GETTING OUT OF THE SHOWER, AND I
TEXT THEM: I'M ALMOST THERE.
INITIATE AN ORDER OF MOZZARELLA

354
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:36,067
TEXT THEM: I'M ALMOST THERE.
INITIATE AN ORDER OF MOZZARELLA
STICKS FOR THE TABLE.

355
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:36,668
INITIATE AN ORDER OF MOZZARELLA
STICKS FOR THE TABLE.
MOTORISTS ARE GOING TO HAVE TO

356
00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:39,437
STICKS FOR THE TABLE.
MOTORISTS ARE GOING TO HAVE TO
WAIT A WHILE BECAUSE GASOLINE

357
00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:40,071
MOTORISTS ARE GOING TO HAVE TO
WAIT A WHILE BECAUSE GASOLINE
TRAVELS THROUGH THE PIPELINE AT

358
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:42,507
WAIT A WHILE BECAUSE GASOLINE
TRAVELS THROUGH THE PIPELINE AT
FIVE MILES PER HOUR.

359
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:43,808
TRAVELS THROUGH THE PIPELINE AT
FIVE MILES PER HOUR.
BASICALLY, A BRISK WALK.

360
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:44,342
FIVE MILES PER HOUR.
BASICALLY, A BRISK WALK.
AT THIS RATE, IT WILL TAKE

361
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:47,178
BASICALLY, A BRISK WALK.
AT THIS RATE, IT WILL TAKE
APPROXIMATELY TWO WEEKS TO

362
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:48,046
AT THIS RATE, IT WILL TAKE
APPROXIMATELY TWO WEEKS TO
TRAVEL FROM THE GULF COAST TO

363
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:49,748
APPROXIMATELY TWO WEEKS TO
TRAVEL FROM THE GULF COAST TO
NEW YORK.

364
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,049
TRAVEL FROM THE GULF COAST TO
NEW YORK.
IT COULD GET HERE FASTER, BUT

365
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:52,050
NEW YORK.
IT COULD GET HERE FASTER, BUT
THE GAS INSISTED ON STOPPING TO

366
00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:56,054
IT COULD GET HERE FASTER, BUT
THE GAS INSISTED ON STOPPING TO
SEE COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG.

367
00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:58,089
THE GAS INSISTED ON STOPPING TO
SEE COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG.
YESTERDAY, COLONIAL PIPELINE

368
00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:59,591
SEE COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG.
YESTERDAY, COLONIAL PIPELINE
ANNOUNCED THEY HAD NO INTENTION

369
00:10:59,593 --> 00:11:00,058
YESTERDAY, COLONIAL PIPELINE
ANNOUNCED THEY HAD NO INTENTION
TO PAY THE RANSOM.

370
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:02,427
ANNOUNCED THEY HAD NO INTENTION
TO PAY THE RANSOM.
TODAY, WE LEARNED THAT BY NEVER,

371
00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:04,062
TO PAY THE RANSOM.
TODAY, WE LEARNED THAT BY NEVER,
THEY MEANT SENDING NEARLY $5

372
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:05,397
TODAY, WE LEARNED THAT BY NEVER,
THEY MEANT SENDING NEARLY $5
MILLION TO EASTERN EUROPEAN

373
00:11:05,399 --> 00:11:06,498
THEY MEANT SENDING NEARLY $5
MILLION TO EASTERN EUROPEAN
HACKERS IN UNTRACEABLE

374
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,066
MILLION TO EASTERN EUROPEAN
HACKERS IN UNTRACEABLE
CRYPTOCURRENCY WITHIN HOURS

375
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:10,001
HACKERS IN UNTRACEABLE
CRYPTOCURRENCY WITHIN HOURS
AFTER THE ATTACK.

376
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,603
CRYPTOCURRENCY WITHIN HOURS
AFTER THE ATTACK.
YES, THE UNITED STATES DOES NOT

377
00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:12,137
AFTER THE ATTACK.
YES, THE UNITED STATES DOES NOT
NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS.

378
00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:15,173
YES, THE UNITED STATES DOES NOT
NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS.
THEY PAY THEM IMMEDIATELY.

379
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,074
NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS.
THEY PAY THEM IMMEDIATELY.
BUT THAT'S NOT WHY THE

380
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:17,409
THEY PAY THEM IMMEDIATELY.
BUT THAT'S NOT WHY THE
PIPELINE'S RESTARTING, BECAUSE

381
00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:18,510
BUT THAT'S NOT WHY THE
PIPELINE'S RESTARTING, BECAUSE
AFTER THEY GOT THEIR CASH, THE

382
00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:20,078
PIPELINE'S RESTARTING, BECAUSE
AFTER THEY GOT THEIR CASH, THE
HACKERS PROVIDED A DECRYPTING

383
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,547
AFTER THEY GOT THEIR CASH, THE
HACKERS PROVIDED A DECRYPTING
TOOL TO RESTORE THE DISABLED

384
00:11:22,549 --> 00:11:24,082
HACKERS PROVIDED A DECRYPTING
TOOL TO RESTORE THE DISABLED
NETWORK.

385
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:24,683
TOOL TO RESTORE THE DISABLED
NETWORK.
THE TOOL WAS SO SLOW THAT THE

386
00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:28,053
NETWORK.
THE TOOL WAS SO SLOW THAT THE
COMPANY CONTINUED USING ITS OWN

387
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:29,554
THE TOOL WAS SO SLOW THAT THE
COMPANY CONTINUED USING ITS OWN
BACKUPS TO RESTORE THE SYSTEM.

388
00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:30,488
COMPANY CONTINUED USING ITS OWN
BACKUPS TO RESTORE THE SYSTEM.
MAYBE DON'T TRUST THE PEOPLE WHO

389
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:31,890
BACKUPS TO RESTORE THE SYSTEM.
MAYBE DON'T TRUST THE PEOPLE WHO
SHUT DOWN YOUR PIPELINE TO

390
00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:32,190
MAYBE DON'T TRUST THE PEOPLE WHO
SHUT DOWN YOUR PIPELINE TO
RESTART IT.

391
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,225
SHUT DOWN YOUR PIPELINE TO
RESTART IT.
THAT'S LIKE GETTING YOUR CHILD

392
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:36,061
RESTART IT.
THAT'S LIKE GETTING YOUR CHILD
BACK FROM KIDNAPPERS AND THEN

393
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:36,561
THAT'S LIKE GETTING YOUR CHILD
BACK FROM KIDNAPPERS AND THEN
ASKING THEM TO BABYSIT.

394
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:38,863
BACK FROM KIDNAPPERS AND THEN
ASKING THEM TO BABYSIT.
BUT A GAS SHORTAGE IS THE LAST

395
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,065
ASKING THEM TO BABYSIT.
BUT A GAS SHORTAGE IS THE LAST
THING ON THE MINDS OF PEOPLE IN

396
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:42,500
BUT A GAS SHORTAGE IS THE LAST
THING ON THE MINDS OF PEOPLE IN
HOUSTON, BECAUSE--

397
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:46,905
THING ON THE MINDS OF PEOPLE IN
HOUSTON, BECAUSE--
THERE'S A TIGER ON THE LOOSE!

398
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:47,906
HOUSTON, BECAUSE--
THERE'S A TIGER ON THE LOOSE!
HERE'S THE STORY:

399
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:48,440
THERE'S A TIGER ON THE LOOSE!
HERE'S THE STORY:
ON MOTHER'S DAY, A MAN IN

400
00:11:48,442 --> 00:11:52,077
HERE'S THE STORY:
ON MOTHER'S DAY, A MAN IN
HOUSTON ARRIVED HOME TO SPOT A

401
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:54,512
ON MOTHER'S DAY, A MAN IN
HOUSTON ARRIVED HOME TO SPOT A
BENGAL TIGER ON HIS FRONT LAWN.

402
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:55,313
HOUSTON ARRIVED HOME TO SPOT A
BENGAL TIGER ON HIS FRONT LAWN.
THIS IS WHY FEDEX WANTS YOU TO

403
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:56,081
BENGAL TIGER ON HIS FRONT LAWN.
THIS IS WHY FEDEX WANTS YOU TO
BE THERE TO SIGN FOR YOUR

404
00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:57,882
THIS IS WHY FEDEX WANTS YOU TO
BE THERE TO SIGN FOR YOUR
PACKAGES.

405
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:58,717
BE THERE TO SIGN FOR YOUR
PACKAGES.
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )

406
00:11:58,719 --> 00:11:59,884
PACKAGES.
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
NATURALLY, PEOPLE WERE FREAKING

407
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:00,051
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
NATURALLY, PEOPLE WERE FREAKING
OUT.

408
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,953
NATURALLY, PEOPLE WERE FREAKING
OUT.
THE COPS WERE CALLED, THEY TRIED

409
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:03,888
OUT.
THE COPS WERE CALLED, THEY TRIED
TO WRANGLE IT, BUT THEN

410
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:04,522
THE COPS WERE CALLED, THEY TRIED
TO WRANGLE IT, BUT THEN
SUDDENLY, A NEIGHBOR EMERGED WHO

411
00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:06,491
TO WRANGLE IT, BUT THEN
SUDDENLY, A NEIGHBOR EMERGED WHO
LED THE TIGER INTO A HOUSE AFTER

412
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,059
SUDDENLY, A NEIGHBOR EMERGED WHO
LED THE TIGER INTO A HOUSE AFTER
FIRST KISSING THE TIGER.

413
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,028
LED THE TIGER INTO A HOUSE AFTER
FIRST KISSING THE TIGER.
THAT'S NOT SAFE.

414
00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:11,463
FIRST KISSING THE TIGER.
THAT'S NOT SAFE.
YOU DON'T KNOW IF THAT TIGER'S

415
00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:12,063
THAT'S NOT SAFE.
YOU DON'T KNOW IF THAT TIGER'S
BEEN VACCINATED.

416
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,398
YOU DON'T KNOW IF THAT TIGER'S
BEEN VACCINATED.
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )

417
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,599
BEEN VACCINATED.
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
WELL, IT TURNS OUT THAT IN

418
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,067
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
WELL, IT TURNS OUT THAT IN
HOUSTON OWNING A TIGER IS A

419
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,503
WELL, IT TURNS OUT THAT IN
HOUSTON OWNING A TIGER IS A
CLASS C MISDEMEANOR, PUNISHABLE

420
00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,071
HOUSTON OWNING A TIGER IS A
CLASS C MISDEMEANOR, PUNISHABLE
WITH A MAXIMUM $500 FINE.

421
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,107
CLASS C MISDEMEANOR, PUNISHABLE
WITH A MAXIMUM $500 FINE.
THAT'S CHEAPER THAN A RENTING AN

422
00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:23,007
WITH A MAXIMUM $500 FINE.
THAT'S CHEAPER THAN A RENTING AN
S.U.V.

423
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:24,075
THAT'S CHEAPER THAN A RENTING AN
S.U.V.
WHICH IS WHY WHEN I'M IN

424
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:27,112
S.U.V.
WHICH IS WHY WHEN I'M IN
HOUSTON, I DRIVE A TIGER.

425
00:12:27,114 --> 00:12:28,079
WHICH IS WHY WHEN I'M IN
HOUSTON, I DRIVE A TIGER.
THE MAN IN QUESTION, VICTOR HUGO

426
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,448
HOUSTON, I DRIVE A TIGER.
THE MAN IN QUESTION, VICTOR HUGO
CUEVAS, CLEARLY KNEW IT WAS A

427
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,083
THE MAN IN QUESTION, VICTOR HUGO
CUEVAS, CLEARLY KNEW IT WAS A
CRIME, BECAUSE SHORTLY AFTER

428
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,818
CUEVAS, CLEARLY KNEW IT WAS A
CRIME, BECAUSE SHORTLY AFTER
BRINGING IT INDOORS, HE LOADED

429
00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:35,153
CRIME, BECAUSE SHORTLY AFTER
BRINGING IT INDOORS, HE LOADED
THE TIGER INTO A WHITE S.U.V.

430
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:36,054
BRINGING IT INDOORS, HE LOADED
THE TIGER INTO A WHITE S.U.V.
AND DROVE OFF.

431
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:38,690
THE TIGER INTO A WHITE S.U.V.
AND DROVE OFF.
CLASSIC ROAD TRIP IT'S ALL IN

432
00:12:38,692 --> 00:12:40,058
AND DROVE OFF.
CLASSIC ROAD TRIP IT'S ALL IN
THE MOVIE: "THELMA AND-- OH,

433
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:42,494
CLASSIC ROAD TRIP IT'S ALL IN
THE MOVIE: "THELMA AND-- OH,
GOD, THE TIGER ATE LOUISE!"

434
00:12:42,496 --> 00:12:44,062
THE MOVIE: "THELMA AND-- OH,
GOD, THE TIGER ATE LOUISE!"
ON A LIGHTER NOTE, TURNS OUT

435
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:46,564
GOD, THE TIGER ATE LOUISE!"
ON A LIGHTER NOTE, TURNS OUT
CUEVAS WAS ALSO A MURDER SUSPECT

436
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:47,866
ON A LIGHTER NOTE, TURNS OUT
CUEVAS WAS ALSO A MURDER SUSPECT
OUT ON BOND.

437
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:48,433
CUEVAS WAS ALSO A MURDER SUSPECT
OUT ON BOND.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY:

438
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,835
OUT ON BOND.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY:
INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN YOU OWN A

439
00:12:50,837 --> 00:12:52,070
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY:
INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN YOU OWN A
TIGER.

440
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:54,339
INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN YOU OWN A
TIGER.
ON SUNDAY, CUEVAS GOT AWAY AFTER

441
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:54,906
TIGER.
ON SUNDAY, CUEVAS GOT AWAY AFTER
A BRIEF PURSUIT, BUT POLICE

442
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:56,074
ON SUNDAY, CUEVAS GOT AWAY AFTER
A BRIEF PURSUIT, BUT POLICE
EVENTUALLY ARRESTED HIM.

443
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:58,643
A BRIEF PURSUIT, BUT POLICE
EVENTUALLY ARRESTED HIM.
UNFORTUNATELY, HE WAS ALONE AT

444
00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:00,078
EVENTUALLY ARRESTED HIM.
UNFORTUNATELY, HE WAS ALONE AT
THE TIME AND THE TIGER'S

445
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,447
UNFORTUNATELY, HE WAS ALONE AT
THE TIME AND THE TIGER'S
WHEREABOUTS ARE NOT KNOWN.

446
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:03,081
THE TIME AND THE TIGER'S
WHEREABOUTS ARE NOT KNOWN.
>> Stephen: I HOPE THEY FIND

447
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,048
WHEREABOUTS ARE NOT KNOWN.
>> Stephen: I HOPE THEY FIND
THAT TIGER SOON.

448
00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:06,484
>> Stephen: I HOPE THEY FIND
THAT TIGER SOON.
IT MUST BE HUNGRY.

449
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:08,052
THAT TIGER SOON.
IT MUST BE HUNGRY.
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )

450
00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:09,954
IT MUST BE HUNGRY.
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
YESTERDAY, CUEVAS WAS RELEASED

451
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,523
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
YESTERDAY, CUEVAS WAS RELEASED
ON BAIL, AND HIS LAWYER INSISTS,

452
00:13:11,525 --> 00:13:12,157
YESTERDAY, CUEVAS WAS RELEASED
ON BAIL, AND HIS LAWYER INSISTS,
THAT DESPITE WHAT POLICE SAY HIS

453
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:14,425
ON BAIL, AND HIS LAWYER INSISTS,
THAT DESPITE WHAT POLICE SAY HIS
CLIENT IS NOT THE OWNER OF THE

454
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:15,226
THAT DESPITE WHAT POLICE SAY HIS
CLIENT IS NOT THE OWNER OF THE
TIGER.

455
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:16,060
CLIENT IS NOT THE OWNER OF THE
TIGER.
HEY, I WAS JUST HOLDING THAT

456
00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:18,496
TIGER.
HEY, I WAS JUST HOLDING THAT
TIGER FOR A FRIEND.

457
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,064
HEY, I WAS JUST HOLDING THAT
TIGER FOR A FRIEND.
ALSO, KISSING IT FOR A FRIEND.

458
00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:22,367
TIGER FOR A FRIEND.
ALSO, KISSING IT FOR A FRIEND.
THE LAWYER ALSO CLAIMS THEY'RE

459
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:24,035
ALSO, KISSING IT FOR A FRIEND.
THE LAWYER ALSO CLAIMS THEY'RE
WORKING TO LOCATE THE ANIMAL BUT

460
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:24,669
THE LAWYER ALSO CLAIMS THEY'RE
WORKING TO LOCATE THE ANIMAL BUT
WOULD NOT SAY WHERE HIS CLIENT,

461
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:27,005
WORKING TO LOCATE THE ANIMAL BUT
WOULD NOT SAY WHERE HIS CLIENT,
WHO WAS LAST SEEN WITH THE

462
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:27,972
WOULD NOT SAY WHERE HIS CLIENT,
WHO WAS LAST SEEN WITH THE
TIGER, DROVE IT SUNDAY NIGHT.

463
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:28,306
WHO WAS LAST SEEN WITH THE
TIGER, DROVE IT SUNDAY NIGHT.
THAT'S SMART.

464
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,508
TIGER, DROVE IT SUNDAY NIGHT.
THAT'S SMART.
BECAUSE WHEN YOU INFORM ON A

465
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,076
THAT'S SMART.
BECAUSE WHEN YOU INFORM ON A
TIGER, SNITCHES REALLY DO GET

466
00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:33,812
BECAUSE WHEN YOU INFORM ON A
TIGER, SNITCHES REALLY DO GET
STITCHES.

467
00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:35,113
TIGER, SNITCHES REALLY DO GET
STITCHES.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU

468
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:36,080
STITCHES.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT, FOLKS.

469
00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:37,982
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT, FOLKS.
EVIE'S HERE AND MY GUEST IS SETH

470
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:39,250
TONIGHT, FOLKS.
EVIE'S HERE AND MY GUEST IS SETH
ROGEN.

471
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:40,051
EVIE'S HERE AND MY GUEST IS SETH
ROGEN.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK,

472
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:41,486
ROGEN.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK,
<i> "MEANWHILE!"</i>

473
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:42,487
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK,
<i> "MEANWHILE!"</i>
JOIN US.

474
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:47,859
<i> "MEANWHILE!"</i>
JOIN US.
♪ ♪ ♪

475
00:13:56,902 --> 00:14:06,377
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: OH, HI.
JUST DOING SOME CANDID

476
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:07,612
>> Stephen: OH, HI.
JUST DOING SOME CANDID
PHOTOGRAPHY.

477
00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:08,847
JUST DOING SOME CANDID
PHOTOGRAPHY.
WELCOME BACK.

478
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:11,683
PHOTOGRAPHY.
WELCOME BACK.
Y'KNOW, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME

479
00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:12,817
WELCOME BACK.
Y'KNOW, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME
SOURCING THE FINEST AND FRESHEST

480
00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:15,253
Y'KNOW, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME
SOURCING THE FINEST AND FRESHEST
NEWS CHARD, THE MOST TOPICAL

481
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:16,821
SOURCING THE FINEST AND FRESHEST
NEWS CHARD, THE MOST TOPICAL
WILD CAUGHT SALMON, AND ORGANIC

482
00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:19,624
NEWS CHARD, THE MOST TOPICAL
WILD CAUGHT SALMON, AND ORGANIC
COMEDY GARNISHES, PORTIONING

483
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:20,825
WILD CAUGHT SALMON, AND ORGANIC
COMEDY GARNISHES, PORTIONING
THEM OUT PERFECTLY INTO SINGLE-

484
00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:22,994
COMEDY GARNISHES, PORTIONING
THEM OUT PERFECTLY INTO SINGLE-
SERVE RECYCLABLE PACKAGES, AND

485
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:24,829
THEM OUT PERFECTLY INTO SINGLE-
SERVE RECYCLABLE PACKAGES, AND
CAREFULLY NESTLING THEM INTO AN

486
00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:26,898
SERVE RECYCLABLE PACKAGES, AND
CAREFULLY NESTLING THEM INTO AN
ELEGANTLY-DESIGNED LAMINATED BOX

487
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:27,432
CAREFULLY NESTLING THEM INTO AN
ELEGANTLY-DESIGNED LAMINATED BOX
WITH A TRIAL-TESTED LOGO,

488
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:30,134
ELEGANTLY-DESIGNED LAMINATED BOX
WITH A TRIAL-TESTED LOGO,
COMPLETE WITH PERFECT KERNING,

489
00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:31,603
WITH A TRIAL-TESTED LOGO,
COMPLETE WITH PERFECT KERNING,
TO SHIP OFF THE GOURMET

490
00:14:31,605 --> 00:14:32,637
COMPLETE WITH PERFECT KERNING,
TO SHIP OFF THE GOURMET
BOURGEOIS MEAL KIT THAT IS MY

491
00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:32,904
TO SHIP OFF THE GOURMET
BOURGEOIS MEAL KIT THAT IS MY
MONOLOGUE.

492
00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:35,573
BOURGEOIS MEAL KIT THAT IS MY
MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES I LIKE TO FILL A

493
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:36,841
MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES I LIKE TO FILL A
BOWL WITH SOME STALE LUCKY

494
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:39,077
BUT SOMETIMES I LIKE TO FILL A
BOWL WITH SOME STALE LUCKY
CHARMS, THROW IN THE COLD,

495
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:39,677
BOWL WITH SOME STALE LUCKY
CHARMS, THROW IN THE COLD,
SWEATY FRIES FROM LAST NIGHT'S

496
00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:40,812
CHARMS, THROW IN THE COLD,
SWEATY FRIES FROM LAST NIGHT'S
TAKE OUT BURGER, SHAKE THE

497
00:14:40,814 --> 00:14:44,148
SWEATY FRIES FROM LAST NIGHT'S
TAKE OUT BURGER, SHAKE THE
TRISCUIT DUST OUT OF THE BOX,

498
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:44,816
TAKE OUT BURGER, SHAKE THE
TRISCUIT DUST OUT OF THE BOX,
AND TOSS IN THE LOOSE FLAVOR

499
00:14:44,818 --> 00:14:47,085
TRISCUIT DUST OUT OF THE BOX,
AND TOSS IN THE LOOSE FLAVOR
PACKET FROM AN INSTANT RAMEN TO

500
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,353
AND TOSS IN THE LOOSE FLAVOR
PACKET FROM AN INSTANT RAMEN TO
SERVE UP THE NUTRITIONALLY

501
00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:48,887
PACKET FROM AN INSTANT RAMEN TO
SERVE UP THE NUTRITIONALLY
DEFICIENT COLLEGE FRESHMAN

502
00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:51,389
SERVE UP THE NUTRITIONALLY
DEFICIENT COLLEGE FRESHMAN
HANGOVER STEW OF NEWS THAT IS MY

503
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,824
DEFICIENT COLLEGE FRESHMAN
HANGOVER STEW OF NEWS THAT IS MY
SEGMENT:

504
00:14:52,826 --> 00:14:56,828
HANGOVER STEW OF NEWS THAT IS MY
SEGMENT:
<i> QUARANTINE-WHILE.</i>

505
00:14:56,830 --> 00:14:58,963
SEGMENT:
<i> QUARANTINE-WHILE.</i>
QUARANTINE-WHILE, YESTERDAY, THE

506
00:14:58,965 --> 00:15:00,832
<i> QUARANTINE-WHILE.</i>
QUARANTINE-WHILE, YESTERDAY, THE
ROCK & ROLL HALL OF FAME

507
00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:01,399
QUARANTINE-WHILE, YESTERDAY, THE
ROCK & ROLL HALL OF FAME
ANNOUNCED ITS 2021 INDUCTION

508
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,268
ROCK & ROLL HALL OF FAME
ANNOUNCED ITS 2021 INDUCTION
CLASS, INCLUDING LEGENDS LIKE

509
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:05,970
ANNOUNCED ITS 2021 INDUCTION
CLASS, INCLUDING LEGENDS LIKE
CAROLE KING, TODD RUNDGREN, TINA

510
00:15:05,972 --> 00:15:08,406
CLASS, INCLUDING LEGENDS LIKE
CAROLE KING, TODD RUNDGREN, TINA
TURNER, AND FRIEND OF THE SHOW

511
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:08,840
CAROLE KING, TODD RUNDGREN, TINA
TURNER, AND FRIEND OF THE SHOW
L.L. COOL J.

512
00:15:08,842 --> 00:15:11,476
TURNER, AND FRIEND OF THE SHOW
L.L. COOL J.
L.L. COOL J, THAT'S GREAT.

513
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:12,810
L.L. COOL J.
L.L. COOL J, THAT'S GREAT.
L.L. HASN'T RELEASED AN ALBUM IN

514
00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:15,246
L.L. COOL J, THAT'S GREAT.
L.L. HASN'T RELEASED AN ALBUM IN
A WHILE, SO THAT IS QUITE--

515
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,748
L.L. HASN'T RELEASED AN ALBUM IN
A WHILE, SO THAT IS QUITE--
>> DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK

516
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:17,348
A WHILE, SO THAT IS QUITE--
>> DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK
>> Stephen: I WAS GOING TO SAY

517
00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:20,518
>> DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK
>> Stephen: I WAS GOING TO SAY
ACHIEVEMENT.

518
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:21,119
>> Stephen: I WAS GOING TO SAY
ACHIEVEMENT.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, SOMETIMES, I

519
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:23,588
ACHIEVEMENT.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, SOMETIMES, I
LIKE TO BRING YOU NEWS ABOUT

520
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:24,822
QUARANTINE-WHILE, SOMETIMES, I
LIKE TO BRING YOU NEWS ABOUT
THINGS THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY GO

521
00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:27,225
LIKE TO BRING YOU NEWS ABOUT
THINGS THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY GO
WRONG, SO I'M HAPPY TO REPORT

522
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:28,826
THINGS THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY GO
WRONG, SO I'M HAPPY TO REPORT
THAT ANIMAL RESCUE HAS RELEASED

523
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:31,062
WRONG, SO I'M HAPPY TO REPORT
THAT ANIMAL RESCUE HAS RELEASED
1,000 FERAL CATS INTO CHICAGO'S

524
00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:32,563
THAT ANIMAL RESCUE HAS RELEASED
1,000 FERAL CATS INTO CHICAGO'S
STREETS TO COMBAT THE CITY'S RAT

525
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:32,830
1,000 FERAL CATS INTO CHICAGO'S
STREETS TO COMBAT THE CITY'S RAT
PROBLEM.

526
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:35,767
STREETS TO COMBAT THE CITY'S RAT
PROBLEM.
OR, AS IT WILL SOON BE KNOWN,

527
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:36,834
PROBLEM.
OR, AS IT WILL SOON BE KNOWN,
THE CITY'S CAT PROBLEM.

528
00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:39,003
OR, AS IT WILL SOON BE KNOWN,
THE CITY'S CAT PROBLEM.
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS: ANIMAL

529
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:39,637
THE CITY'S CAT PROBLEM.
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS: ANIMAL
RESCUE SPAYS OR NEUTERS THE CATS

530
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:40,838
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS: ANIMAL
RESCUE SPAYS OR NEUTERS THE CATS
AND THEN RELEASES THEM BACK

531
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,807
RESCUE SPAYS OR NEUTERS THE CATS
AND THEN RELEASES THEM BACK
OUTSIDE TO SERVE AS RODENT

532
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:44,242
AND THEN RELEASES THEM BACK
OUTSIDE TO SERVE AS RODENT
CONTROL.

533
00:15:44,244 --> 00:15:44,809
OUTSIDE TO SERVE AS RODENT
CONTROL.
THAT'S A BOLD PITCH.

534
00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:48,813
CONTROL.
THAT'S A BOLD PITCH.
FIRST, I CUT OFF YOUR BALLS,

535
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:52,817
THAT'S A BOLD PITCH.
FIRST, I CUT OFF YOUR BALLS,
THEN, YOU DO ME A FAVOR.

536
00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:54,319
FIRST, I CUT OFF YOUR BALLS,
THEN, YOU DO ME A FAVOR.
THIS IS ALL PART OF THE CITY'S

537
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:56,821
THEN, YOU DO ME A FAVOR.
THIS IS ALL PART OF THE CITY'S
PROGRAM, CATS AT WORK.

538
00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:57,455
THIS IS ALL PART OF THE CITY'S
PROGRAM, CATS AT WORK.
BECAUSE, IF THERE'S ONE THING I

539
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,825
PROGRAM, CATS AT WORK.
BECAUSE, IF THERE'S ONE THING I
ASSOCIATE WITH AN ANIMAL WHO

540
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:03,261
BECAUSE, IF THERE'S ONE THING I
ASSOCIATE WITH AN ANIMAL WHO
SLEEPS 20 HOURS A DAY, IT'S

541
00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:04,829
ASSOCIATE WITH AN ANIMAL WHO
SLEEPS 20 HOURS A DAY, IT'S
WORK.

542
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:06,698
SLEEPS 20 HOURS A DAY, IT'S
WORK.
QUARANTINE-WHILE -- THIS NEXT

543
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:08,099
WORK.
QUARANTINE-WHILE -- THIS NEXT
STORY INVOLVES SOME LANGUAGE

544
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:08,833
QUARANTINE-WHILE -- THIS NEXT
STORY INVOLVES SOME LANGUAGE
THAT'S GOING TO BE BLEEPED FOR

545
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:12,337
STORY INVOLVES SOME LANGUAGE
THAT'S GOING TO BE BLEEPED FOR
YOU AT HOME, BUT LET'S JUST SAY

546
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:12,937
THAT'S GOING TO BE BLEEPED FOR
YOU AT HOME, BUT LET'S JUST SAY
IT'S A COMBINATION OF BUTT AND

547
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:14,639
YOU AT HOME, BUT LET'S JUST SAY
IT'S A COMBINATION OF BUTT AND
THE NAUGHTY WORD FOR A SEXUAL

548
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:15,273
IT'S A COMBINATION OF BUTT AND
THE NAUGHTY WORD FOR A SEXUAL
ACT, ALL OF WHICH RHYMES WITH

549
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:20,311
THE NAUGHTY WORD FOR A SEXUAL
ACT, ALL OF WHICH RHYMES WITH
NUT TRUCKER.

550
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:20,945
ACT, ALL OF WHICH RHYMES WITH
NUT TRUCKER.
HERE WE GO: IN MICHIGAN, A JUDGE

551
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:21,546
NUT TRUCKER.
HERE WE GO: IN MICHIGAN, A JUDGE
RIPPED A DEFENDANT WHO LOGGED

552
00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:24,816
HERE WE GO: IN MICHIGAN, A JUDGE
RIPPED A DEFENDANT WHO LOGGED
INTO A COURT ZOOM WITH A

553
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:25,883
RIPPED A DEFENDANT WHO LOGGED
INTO A COURT ZOOM WITH A
(<i> BLEEP</i> ) 3000 USERNAME.

554
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:27,285
INTO A COURT ZOOM WITH A
(<i> BLEEP</i> ) 3000 USERNAME.
IN DEFENDING HIMSELF, THE MAN

555
00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:28,720
(<i> BLEEP</i> ) 3000 USERNAME.
IN DEFENDING HIMSELF, THE MAN
SAID HE HAD NO IDEA HOW THAT

556
00:16:28,722 --> 00:16:29,287
IN DEFENDING HIMSELF, THE MAN
SAID HE HAD NO IDEA HOW THAT
BECAME HIS USERNAME, BUT DID

557
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:32,056
SAID HE HAD NO IDEA HOW THAT
BECAME HIS USERNAME, BUT DID
ADMIT IT'S THE PAIRING NAME FOR

558
00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:32,824
BECAME HIS USERNAME, BUT DID
ADMIT IT'S THE PAIRING NAME FOR
HIS BLUETOOTH SPEAKER.

559
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:35,560
ADMIT IT'S THE PAIRING NAME FOR
HIS BLUETOOTH SPEAKER.
OKAY.

560
00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:36,828
HIS BLUETOOTH SPEAKER.
OKAY.
THAT EXPLANATION ONLY RAISES

561
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:39,030
OKAY.
THAT EXPLANATION ONLY RAISES
MORE QUESTIONS.

562
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:39,630
THAT EXPLANATION ONLY RAISES
MORE QUESTIONS.
JUST HOW ARE YOU PAIRING WITH

563
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:44,168
MORE QUESTIONS.
JUST HOW ARE YOU PAIRING WITH
YOUR BLUETOOTH SPEAKER?

564
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:44,836
JUST HOW ARE YOU PAIRING WITH
YOUR BLUETOOTH SPEAKER?
QUARANTINE-WHILE-- SOUTH KOREAN

565
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:47,505
YOUR BLUETOOTH SPEAKER?
QUARANTINE-WHILE-- SOUTH KOREAN
COUPLES ARE WOOING EACH OTHER

566
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:48,673
QUARANTINE-WHILE-- SOUTH KOREAN
COUPLES ARE WOOING EACH OTHER
WITH TESLA STOCKS, EXCHANGING

567
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:49,307
COUPLES ARE WOOING EACH OTHER
WITH TESLA STOCKS, EXCHANGING
STOCKS INSTEAD OF CHOCOLATES AND

568
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:51,275
WITH TESLA STOCKS, EXCHANGING
STOCKS INSTEAD OF CHOCOLATES AND
FLOWERS.

569
00:16:51,277 --> 00:16:52,810
STOCKS INSTEAD OF CHOCOLATES AND
FLOWERS.
BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS ROMANCE

570
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,545
FLOWERS.
BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS ROMANCE
LIKE VOLATILE SHARE PRICES THAT

571
00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:56,414
BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS ROMANCE
LIKE VOLATILE SHARE PRICES THAT
HANG ON THE WORD OF AN ECCENTRIC

572
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:57,015
LIKE VOLATILE SHARE PRICES THAT
HANG ON THE WORD OF AN ECCENTRIC
BILLIONAIRE WHO DANCES LIKE A

573
00:16:57,017 --> 00:17:00,718
HANG ON THE WORD OF AN ECCENTRIC
BILLIONAIRE WHO DANCES LIKE A
MALFUNCTIONING ROOMBA.

574
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:01,319
BILLIONAIRE WHO DANCES LIKE A
MALFUNCTIONING ROOMBA.
THIS TREND STARTED LAST YEAR,

575
00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:03,287
MALFUNCTIONING ROOMBA.
THIS TREND STARTED LAST YEAR,
WHEN A BROKERAGE AND INVESTMENT

576
00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:04,689
THIS TREND STARTED LAST YEAR,
WHEN A BROKERAGE AND INVESTMENT
BANKING COMPANY ALLOWED PEOPLE

577
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:05,323
WHEN A BROKERAGE AND INVESTMENT
BANKING COMPANY ALLOWED PEOPLE
TO BUY STOCK GIFT CARDS FOR EACH

578
00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:07,191
BANKING COMPANY ALLOWED PEOPLE
TO BUY STOCK GIFT CARDS FOR EACH
OTHER.

579
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:08,860
TO BUY STOCK GIFT CARDS FOR EACH
OTHER.
AND PRETTY SOON, AMONG YOUNG

580
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:11,095
OTHER.
AND PRETTY SOON, AMONG YOUNG
DATERS TESLA WAS THE MOST-BOUGHT

581
00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:12,163
AND PRETTY SOON, AMONG YOUNG
DATERS TESLA WAS THE MOST-BOUGHT
STOCK FOR GIFT GIVING.

582
00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:12,830
DATERS TESLA WAS THE MOST-BOUGHT
STOCK FOR GIFT GIVING.
AND IF YOU'RE SOMEONE WHO GOT

583
00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:15,266
STOCK FOR GIFT GIVING.
AND IF YOU'RE SOMEONE WHO GOT
YOUR LOVER TESLA STOCK INSTEAD

584
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:16,834
AND IF YOU'RE SOMEONE WHO GOT
YOUR LOVER TESLA STOCK INSTEAD
OF A REAL GIFT, I HAVE A FEELING

585
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:19,404
YOUR LOVER TESLA STOCK INSTEAD
OF A REAL GIFT, I HAVE A FEELING
YOU'RE GONNA BE MAKING LOVE ON

586
00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:20,838
OF A REAL GIFT, I HAVE A FEELING
YOU'RE GONNA BE MAKING LOVE ON
AUTOPILOT.

587
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,707
YOU'RE GONNA BE MAKING LOVE ON
AUTOPILOT.
QUARANTINE-WHILE -- AH, AH, YOU

588
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:23,541
AUTOPILOT.
QUARANTINE-WHILE -- AH, AH, YOU
WANT THEM TO BE HAVING REAL SEX,

589
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:24,809
QUARANTINE-WHILE -- AH, AH, YOU
WANT THEM TO BE HAVING REAL SEX,
DON'T YOU?

590
00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:27,145
WANT THEM TO BE HAVING REAL SEX,
DON'T YOU?
>> I DO.

591
00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:27,745
DON'T YOU?
>> I DO.
>> Stephen: QUARANTINE-WHILE,

592
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:31,382
>> I DO.
>> Stephen: QUARANTINE-WHILE,
TIKTOK IS TESTING A TOOL FOR

593
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:32,817
>> Stephen: QUARANTINE-WHILE,
TIKTOK IS TESTING A TOOL FOR
BRANDS TO RECRUIT EMPLOYEES.

594
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:35,319
TIKTOK IS TESTING A TOOL FOR
BRANDS TO RECRUIT EMPLOYEES.
BRANDS CAN POST JOBS, PRIMARILY

595
00:17:35,321 --> 00:17:36,821
BRANDS TO RECRUIT EMPLOYEES.
BRANDS CAN POST JOBS, PRIMARILY
ENTRY-LEVEL LISTINGS, AND THEN

596
00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:38,923
BRANDS CAN POST JOBS, PRIMARILY
ENTRY-LEVEL LISTINGS, AND THEN
USERS POST A TIKTOK VIDEO RESUME

597
00:17:38,925 --> 00:17:39,457
ENTRY-LEVEL LISTINGS, AND THEN
USERS POST A TIKTOK VIDEO RESUME
TO THE SITE RATHER THAN A

598
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:40,825
USERS POST A TIKTOK VIDEO RESUME
TO THE SITE RATHER THAN A
TRADITIONAL RESUME.

599
00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:43,261
TO THE SITE RATHER THAN A
TRADITIONAL RESUME.
SO, YOUR H.R. DEPARTMENT CAN

600
00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:44,829
TRADITIONAL RESUME.
SO, YOUR H.R. DEPARTMENT CAN
LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING A LOT OF

601
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:47,565
SO, YOUR H.R. DEPARTMENT CAN
LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING A LOT OF
QUALIFICATIONS VIA ASMR.

602
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,466
LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING A LOT OF
QUALIFICATIONS VIA ASMR.
(<i> WHISPERING TAPPING FINGERS ON</i>

603
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:48,833
QUALIFICATIONS VIA ASMR.
(<i> WHISPERING TAPPING FINGERS ON</i>
<i> MICROPHONE</i> )

604
00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:51,269
(<i> WHISPERING TAPPING FINGERS ON</i>
<i> MICROPHONE</i> )
HI, I HAVE A B.A.

605
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:52,370
<i> MICROPHONE</i> )
HI, I HAVE A B.A.
IN HISTORY FROM SKIDMORE.

606
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:52,870
HI, I HAVE A B.A.
IN HISTORY FROM SKIDMORE.
SPECIAL SKILLS INCLUDE--

607
00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:56,841
IN HISTORY FROM SKIDMORE.
SPECIAL SKILLS INCLUDE--
(<i> CRINKLES CHIP BAG</i> )

608
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:59,944
SPECIAL SKILLS INCLUDE--
(<i> CRINKLES CHIP BAG</i> )
SHHH...

609
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:00,812
(<i> CRINKLES CHIP BAG</i> )
SHHH...
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SETH

610
00:18:00,814 --> 00:18:04,816
SHHH...
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SETH
ROGEN.

611
00:18:04,818 --> 00:18:07,418
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SETH
ROGEN.
♪ ♪ ♪

612
00:18:12,191 --> 00:18:21,132
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: OH, ADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.

613
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:21,699
>> Stephen: OH, ADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
WELCOME BACK.

614
00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:23,601
GENTLEMEN.
WELCOME BACK.
YOU KNOW MY GUEST TONIGHT FROM

615
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:24,135
WELCOME BACK.
YOU KNOW MY GUEST TONIGHT FROM
"SUPER BAD," "PINEAPPLE

616
00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:27,672
YOU KNOW MY GUEST TONIGHT FROM
"SUPER BAD," "PINEAPPLE
EXPRESS," AND "LONG SHOT."

617
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,674
"SUPER BAD," "PINEAPPLE
EXPRESS," AND "LONG SHOT."
HE HAS JUST WRITTEN A NEW BOOK

618
00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,476
EXPRESS," AND "LONG SHOT."
HE HAS JUST WRITTEN A NEW BOOK
CALLED "YEAR BOOK."

619
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:32,777
HE HAS JUST WRITTEN A NEW BOOK
CALLED "YEAR BOOK."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE

620
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:33,678
CALLED "YEAR BOOK."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE
SHOW."

621
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:34,378
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE
SHOW."
SETH ROGEN.

622
00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:35,813
SHOW."
SETH ROGEN.
SETH ROGEN, THANK YOU FOR BEING

623
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:36,147
SETH ROGEN.
SETH ROGEN, THANK YOU FOR BEING
HERE.

624
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:37,682
SETH ROGEN, THANK YOU FOR BEING
HERE.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

625
00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:41,219
HERE.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
GREAT TO BE HERE.

626
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:41,819
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
GREAT TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: THIS IS AS MUCH AS

627
00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:45,690
GREAT TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: THIS IS AS MUCH AS
ANYONE IS WITH ANYONE ANYMORE

628
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:48,126
>> Stephen: THIS IS AS MUCH AS
ANYONE IS WITH ANYONE ANYMORE
UNTIL THINGS IMPROVE.

629
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:49,694
ANYONE IS WITH ANYONE ANYMORE
UNTIL THINGS IMPROVE.
LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE WHICH

630
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:51,462
UNTIL THINGS IMPROVE.
LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE WHICH
WAS 2019, I GUESS.

631
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:52,530
LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE WHICH
WAS 2019, I GUESS.
>> YEAH.

632
00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:53,664
WAS 2019, I GUESS.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU HAD JUST

633
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,166
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU HAD JUST
LAUNCHED -- WHAT'S THE NAME OF

634
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,868
>> Stephen: YOU HAD JUST
LAUNCHED -- WHAT'S THE NAME OF
YOUR CANNABIS RELATED COMPANY

635
00:18:56,870 --> 00:18:57,668
LAUNCHED -- WHAT'S THE NAME OF
YOUR CANNABIS RELATED COMPANY
THERE.

636
00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:58,603
YOUR CANNABIS RELATED COMPANY
THERE.
>> IT'S CALLED HOUSE PLANT.

637
00:18:58,605 --> 00:18:59,270
THERE.
>> IT'S CALLED HOUSE PLANT.
>> Stephen: HOUSE PLANT.

638
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:00,138
>> IT'S CALLED HOUSE PLANT.
>> Stephen: HOUSE PLANT.
YOU LAUNCHED IT IN YOUR NATIVE

639
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,305
>> Stephen: HOUSE PLANT.
YOU LAUNCHED IT IN YOUR NATIVE
CANADA.

640
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:01,672
YOU LAUNCHED IT IN YOUR NATIVE
CANADA.
>> YES.

641
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:03,241
CANADA.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: BUT SINCE THEN

642
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,710
>> YES.
>> Stephen: BUT SINCE THEN
LAUNCHED IN THE UNITED STATES.

643
00:19:05,712 --> 00:19:06,344
>> Stephen: BUT SINCE THEN
LAUNCHED IN THE UNITED STATES.
WHO WAS IT RECEIVED, THE LAUNCH?

644
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:09,680
LAUNCHED IN THE UNITED STATES.
WHO WAS IT RECEIVED, THE LAUNCH?
>> OUR WEB SITE CRASHED

645
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:12,049
WHO WAS IT RECEIVED, THE LAUNCH?
>> OUR WEB SITE CRASHED
INSTANTANEOUSLY SEVERAL TIMES

646
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:12,383
>> OUR WEB SITE CRASHED
INSTANTANEOUSLY SEVERAL TIMES
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )

647
00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:16,521
INSTANTANEOUSLY SEVERAL TIMES
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
THROUGHOUT OUR LAUNCH DAY.

648
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:17,688
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
THROUGHOUT OUR LAUNCH DAY.
OUR PRODUCTS ARE GENERALLY

649
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:19,357
THROUGHOUT OUR LAUNCH DAY.
OUR PRODUCTS ARE GENERALLY
SELLING OUT WITHIN SEVERAL

650
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:20,391
OUR PRODUCTS ARE GENERALLY
SELLING OUT WITHIN SEVERAL
HOURS, (<i> LAUGHS</i> ) OUR HOME

651
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:21,692
SELLING OUT WITHIN SEVERAL
HOURS, (<i> LAUGHS</i> ) OUR HOME
GOODS.

652
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:23,761
HOURS, (<i> LAUGHS</i> ) OUR HOME
GOODS.
WE SELL HOME GOODS, ASHTRAYS,

653
00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:24,328
GOODS.
WE SELL HOME GOODS, ASHTRAYS,
TABLE LIGHTERS, THINGS LIKE

654
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:25,663
WE SELL HOME GOODS, ASHTRAYS,
TABLE LIGHTERS, THINGS LIKE
THAT, THAT ARE BEAUTIFULLY

655
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,932
TABLE LIGHTERS, THINGS LIKE
THAT, THAT ARE BEAUTIFULLY
DESIGNED.

656
00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:29,066
THAT, THAT ARE BEAUTIFULLY
DESIGNED.
WE HAD NO IDEA IF PEOPLE WOULD

657
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:29,667
DESIGNED.
WE HAD NO IDEA IF PEOPLE WOULD
WANT THIS STUFF OR NOT,

658
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:32,470
WE HAD NO IDEA IF PEOPLE WOULD
WANT THIS STUFF OR NOT,
(<i> LAUGHS</i> ) BUT THANK GOD THEY

659
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:33,104
WANT THIS STUFF OR NOT,
(<i> LAUGHS</i> ) BUT THANK GOD THEY
DID, AND WE SHOULD HAVE MADE

660
00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:33,704
(<i> LAUGHS</i> ) BUT THANK GOD THEY
DID, AND WE SHOULD HAVE MADE
MORE OF IT AND WE'RE GOING TO

661
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:34,939
DID, AND WE SHOULD HAVE MADE
MORE OF IT AND WE'RE GOING TO
RIGHT NOW.

662
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,140
MORE OF IT AND WE'RE GOING TO
RIGHT NOW.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )

663
00:19:36,142 --> 00:19:37,675
RIGHT NOW.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
>> Stephen: NOW THAT YOU ARE NOT

664
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:41,045
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
>> Stephen: NOW THAT YOU ARE NOT
JUST A USER OR ENJOYER, USER

665
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:41,679
>> Stephen: NOW THAT YOU ARE NOT
JUST A USER OR ENJOYER, USER
SOUNDS A LITTLE BIT LIKE YOUR

666
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,814
JUST A USER OR ENJOYER, USER
SOUNDS A LITTLE BIT LIKE YOUR
BOOT AND HORSE.

667
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:45,249
SOUNDS A LITTLE BIT LIKE YOUR
BOOT AND HORSE.
>> EXACTLY.

668
00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:45,883
BOOT AND HORSE.
>> EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: NOW THAT YOU'RE NOT

669
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:48,119
>> EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: NOW THAT YOU'RE NOT
JUST AN ENTHUSIAST BUT A

670
00:19:48,121 --> 00:19:49,687
>> Stephen: NOW THAT YOU'RE NOT
JUST AN ENTHUSIAST BUT A
DISTRIBUTOR, HAS IT CHANGED YOUR

671
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:53,691
JUST AN ENTHUSIAST BUT A
DISTRIBUTOR, HAS IT CHANGED YOUR
RELATIONSHIP WITH CANNABIS?

672
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,860
DISTRIBUTOR, HAS IT CHANGED YOUR
RELATIONSHIP WITH CANNABIS?
>> I'D SAY IT STRENGTHENED IT IF

673
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,695
RELATIONSHIP WITH CANNABIS?
>> I'D SAY IT STRENGTHENED IT IF
ANYTHING.

674
00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,031
>> I'D SAY IT STRENGTHENED IT IF
ANYTHING.
IT'S NICE TO BE ABLE TO EXPRESS

675
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:00,665
ANYTHING.
IT'S NICE TO BE ABLE TO EXPRESS
MYSELF THROUGH ANOTHER PRODUCT,

676
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:01,666
IT'S NICE TO BE ABLE TO EXPRESS
MYSELF THROUGH ANOTHER PRODUCT,
YOU KNOW.

677
00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:03,334
MYSELF THROUGH ANOTHER PRODUCT,
YOU KNOW.
AND, HONESTLY, I FEEL LIKE I

678
00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:05,670
YOU KNOW.
AND, HONESTLY, I FEEL LIKE I
CAN.

679
00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:06,304
AND, HONESTLY, I FEEL LIKE I
CAN.
LIKE, I FEEL LIKE, THROUGH THE--

680
00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:09,607
CAN.
LIKE, I FEEL LIKE, THROUGH THE--
HONESTLY, THROUGH THE PACKAGING

681
00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:10,241
LIKE, I FEEL LIKE, THROUGH THE--
HONESTLY, THROUGH THE PACKAGING
AND THROUGH THE IDENTITY OF THE

682
00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:12,143
HONESTLY, THROUGH THE PACKAGING
AND THROUGH THE IDENTITY OF THE
COMPANY AND THROUGH THE WEED

683
00:20:12,145 --> 00:20:13,678
AND THROUGH THE IDENTITY OF THE
COMPANY AND THROUGH THE WEED
THAT WE ARE SELLING TO PEOPLE, I

684
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,247
COMPANY AND THROUGH THE WEED
THAT WE ARE SELLING TO PEOPLE, I
REALLY FEEL LIKE IT IS AN

685
00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:16,914
THAT WE ARE SELLING TO PEOPLE, I
REALLY FEEL LIKE IT IS AN
EXTENSION OF WHO I AM AND IT IS

686
00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:17,582
REALLY FEEL LIKE IT IS AN
EXTENSION OF WHO I AM AND IT IS
VERY LOVELY TO SHARE WITH

687
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:17,815
EXTENSION OF WHO I AM AND IT IS
VERY LOVELY TO SHARE WITH
PEOPLE.

688
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,450
VERY LOVELY TO SHARE WITH
PEOPLE.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )

689
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:21,018
PEOPLE.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
>> Stephen: WELL, I WANT TO BE

690
00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:21,686
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
>> Stephen: WELL, I WANT TO BE
VERY CLEAR TO EVERYONE AT CBS

691
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:23,454
>> Stephen: WELL, I WANT TO BE
VERY CLEAR TO EVERYONE AT CBS
BRASS RIGHT NOW WATCHING THAT

692
00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:24,121
VERY CLEAR TO EVERYONE AT CBS
BRASS RIGHT NOW WATCHING THAT
I'M NOT ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO GO

693
00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:25,456
BRASS RIGHT NOW WATCHING THAT
I'M NOT ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO GO
TO THIS WEB SITE,

694
00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:25,690
I'M NOT ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO GO
TO THIS WEB SITE,
>> NO.

695
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:27,858
TO THIS WEB SITE,
>> NO.
>> Stephen: BUT I AM CURIOUS,

696
00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:29,694
>> NO.
>> Stephen: BUT I AM CURIOUS,
YOU CAN LITERALLY ORDER WEED

697
00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:32,797
>> Stephen: BUT I AM CURIOUS,
YOU CAN LITERALLY ORDER WEED
ONLINE?

698
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:33,698
YOU CAN LITERALLY ORDER WEED
ONLINE?
>> YES, IF YOU'RE IN LOS ANGELES

699
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:36,133
ONLINE?
>> YES, IF YOU'RE IN LOS ANGELES
RIGHT NOW, YOU CAN GO TO HOUSE

700
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:37,668
>> YES, IF YOU'RE IN LOS ANGELES
RIGHT NOW, YOU CAN GO TO HOUSE
PLANT AND WE WILL DELIVER YOU

701
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,070
RIGHT NOW, YOU CAN GO TO HOUSE
PLANT AND WE WILL DELIVER YOU
WEED, YES.

702
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:40,171
PLANT AND WE WILL DELIVER YOU
WEED, YES.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )

703
00:20:40,173 --> 00:20:41,672
WEED, YES.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
>> Stephen: AGAIN, WE'RE NOT

704
00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:42,206
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
>> Stephen: AGAIN, WE'RE NOT
TELLING PEOPLE TO DO THAT.

705
00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:44,375
>> Stephen: AGAIN, WE'RE NOT
TELLING PEOPLE TO DO THAT.
I'M JUST ASKING YOU IF THAT IS A

706
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:45,676
TELLING PEOPLE TO DO THAT.
I'M JUST ASKING YOU IF THAT IS A
LEGAL THING TO DO?

707
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:47,478
I'M JUST ASKING YOU IF THAT IS A
LEGAL THING TO DO?
>> THAT IS A LEGAL THING TO DO

708
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:48,145
LEGAL THING TO DO?
>> THAT IS A LEGAL THING TO DO
IN CALIFORNIA.

709
00:20:48,147 --> 00:20:49,714
>> THAT IS A LEGAL THING TO DO
IN CALIFORNIA.
YOU CAN TRY IN OTHER STATES, IT

710
00:20:49,716 --> 00:20:51,148
IN CALIFORNIA.
YOU CAN TRY IN OTHER STATES, IT
WON'T LET YOU DO IT, YEAH.

711
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:53,017
YOU CAN TRY IN OTHER STATES, IT
WON'T LET YOU DO IT, YEAH.
>> Stephen: OKAY.

712
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:53,684
WON'T LET YOU DO IT, YEAH.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
ANY PLANS TO EXPAND?

713
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:55,152
>> Stephen: OKAY.
ANY PLANS TO EXPAND?
>> VERY MUCH SO.

714
00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:55,987
ANY PLANS TO EXPAND?
>> VERY MUCH SO.
WE WOULD LOVE TO EXPAND.

715
00:20:55,989 --> 00:20:56,621
>> VERY MUCH SO.
WE WOULD LOVE TO EXPAND.
>> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT NEW YORK,

716
00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:57,321
WE WOULD LOVE TO EXPAND.
>> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT NEW YORK,
NEW YORK, THE BIG CITY OF

717
00:20:57,323 --> 00:20:57,688
>> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT NEW YORK,
NEW YORK, THE BIG CITY OF
DREAMS?

718
00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:59,557
NEW YORK, THE BIG CITY OF
DREAMS?
IT'S LEGAL IN NEW YORK, TOO.

719
00:20:59,559 --> 00:21:00,124
DREAMS?
IT'S LEGAL IN NEW YORK, TOO.
>> THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

720
00:21:00,126 --> 00:21:01,692
IT'S LEGAL IN NEW YORK, TOO.
>> THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
AS SOON AS THE INFRASTRUCTURE IS

721
00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:04,195
>> THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
AS SOON AS THE INFRASTRUCTURE IS
UP AND RUNNING, WE WOULD LOVE TO

722
00:21:04,197 --> 00:21:04,996
AS SOON AS THE INFRASTRUCTURE IS
UP AND RUNNING, WE WOULD LOVE TO
SELL WEED TO THE PEOPLE OF NEW

723
00:21:04,998 --> 00:21:05,730
UP AND RUNNING, WE WOULD LOVE TO
SELL WEED TO THE PEOPLE OF NEW
YORK VERY, VERY MUCH.

724
00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:07,865
SELL WEED TO THE PEOPLE OF NEW
YORK VERY, VERY MUCH.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )

725
00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:09,667
YORK VERY, VERY MUCH.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
>> Stephen: ANOTHER THING YOU

726
00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:12,136
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
>> Stephen: ANOTHER THING YOU
HAVE BEEN RENOWNED FOR WHICH WE

727
00:21:12,138 --> 00:21:12,970
>> Stephen: ANOTHER THING YOU
HAVE BEEN RENOWNED FOR WHICH WE
TALKED ABOUT THE LAST TIME YOU

728
00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:13,738
HAVE BEEN RENOWNED FOR WHICH WE
TALKED ABOUT THE LAST TIME YOU
WERE ON THE SHOW WAS YOUR

729
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:15,773
TALKED ABOUT THE LAST TIME YOU
WERE ON THE SHOW WAS YOUR
POTTERY.

730
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,675
WERE ON THE SHOW WAS YOUR
POTTERY.
I HAVE BEEN A BIG FAN.

731
00:21:17,677 --> 00:21:20,411
POTTERY.
I HAVE BEEN A BIG FAN.
IT WAS JUST LIKE PINCH POTS,

732
00:21:20,413 --> 00:21:21,679
I HAVE BEEN A BIG FAN.
IT WAS JUST LIKE PINCH POTS,
ASHTRAYS, BUT YOU'VE REALLY

733
00:21:21,681 --> 00:21:24,115
IT WAS JUST LIKE PINCH POTS,
ASHTRAYS, BUT YOU'VE REALLY
KICKED IT UP.

734
00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:25,683
ASHTRAYS, BUT YOU'VE REALLY
KICKED IT UP.
IS IT YOUR INSTAGRAM FEED?

735
00:21:25,685 --> 00:21:28,019
KICKED IT UP.
IS IT YOUR INSTAGRAM FEED?
>> YES.

736
00:21:28,021 --> 00:21:29,687
IS IT YOUR INSTAGRAM FEED?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE ANY

737
00:21:29,689 --> 00:21:30,121
>> YES.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE ANY
THERE?

738
00:21:30,123 --> 00:21:33,224
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE ANY
THERE?
BEAUTIFUL GLAZING WORK.

739
00:21:33,226 --> 00:21:33,691
THERE?
BEAUTIFUL GLAZING WORK.
>> I HAVE A FEW HERE.

740
00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:36,127
BEAUTIFUL GLAZING WORK.
>> I HAVE A FEW HERE.
THIS IS ONE I MADE.

741
00:21:36,129 --> 00:21:38,729
>> I HAVE A FEW HERE.
THIS IS ONE I MADE.
THIS IS A PURPLE VASE.

742
00:21:38,731 --> 00:21:40,431
THIS IS ONE I MADE.
THIS IS A PURPLE VASE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S GORGEOUS.

743
00:21:40,433 --> 00:21:41,666
THIS IS A PURPLE VASE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S GORGEOUS.
IS THAT A SMOOTH GLAZE JUST WITH

744
00:21:41,668 --> 00:21:43,868
>> Stephen: THAT'S GORGEOUS.
IS THAT A SMOOTH GLAZE JUST WITH
A PROFILE TO IT?

745
00:21:43,870 --> 00:21:45,670
IS THAT A SMOOTH GLAZE JUST WITH
A PROFILE TO IT?
THAT'S GORGEOUS.

746
00:21:45,672 --> 00:21:48,139
A PROFILE TO IT?
THAT'S GORGEOUS.
>> LAYERS OVER UNDERGLAZE AND

747
00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:49,674
THAT'S GORGEOUS.
>> LAYERS OVER UNDERGLAZE AND
THEN ON TOP OF IT IS A GOOPY

748
00:21:49,676 --> 00:21:53,678
>> LAYERS OVER UNDERGLAZE AND
THEN ON TOP OF IT IS A GOOPY
GLAZE I MADE MYSELF BECAUSE I

749
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,447
THEN ON TOP OF IT IS A GOOPY
GLAZE I MADE MYSELF BECAUSE I
TOOK A WORKSHOP WHERE I LEARNED

750
00:21:56,449 --> 00:21:57,682
GLAZE I MADE MYSELF BECAUSE I
TOOK A WORKSHOP WHERE I LEARNED
THE CHEMISTRY OF GLAZEMAKING.

751
00:21:57,684 --> 00:22:01,686
TOOK A WORKSHOP WHERE I LEARNED
THE CHEMISTRY OF GLAZEMAKING.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )

752
00:22:01,688 --> 00:22:02,687
THE CHEMISTRY OF GLAZEMAKING.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
>> Stephen: I WOULD LOVE THAT

753
00:22:02,689 --> 00:22:04,789
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
>> Stephen: I WOULD LOVE THAT
ONE.

754
00:22:04,791 --> 00:22:05,690
>> Stephen: I WOULD LOVE THAT
ONE.
ARE THESE FOR SALE?

755
00:22:05,692 --> 00:22:06,324
ONE.
ARE THESE FOR SALE?
>> NO, BUT IF YOU WANT ONE, I'LL

756
00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:07,825
ARE THESE FOR SALE?
>> NO, BUT IF YOU WANT ONE, I'LL
SEND YOU ONE.

757
00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:08,859
>> NO, BUT IF YOU WANT ONE, I'LL
SEND YOU ONE.
I SEND THEM TO PEOPLE I LIKE,

758
00:22:08,861 --> 00:22:09,593
SEND YOU ONE.
I SEND THEM TO PEOPLE I LIKE,
SO, YEAH, YOU CAN HAVE ONE.

759
00:22:09,595 --> 00:22:10,261
I SEND THEM TO PEOPLE I LIKE,
SO, YEAH, YOU CAN HAVE ONE.
>> Stephen: CAN I HAVE THE BLUE

760
00:22:10,263 --> 00:22:12,129
SO, YEAH, YOU CAN HAVE ONE.
>> Stephen: CAN I HAVE THE BLUE
ONE?

761
00:22:12,131 --> 00:22:13,631
>> Stephen: CAN I HAVE THE BLUE
ONE?
>> YOU SURE CAN.

762
00:22:13,633 --> 00:22:14,899
ONE?
>> YOU SURE CAN.
IT'S YOURS, I'LL SEND IT TO YOU.

763
00:22:14,901 --> 00:22:16,600
>> YOU SURE CAN.
IT'S YOURS, I'LL SEND IT TO YOU.
>> Stephen: IT WILL GO

764
00:22:16,602 --> 00:22:17,435
IT'S YOURS, I'LL SEND IT TO YOU.
>> Stephen: IT WILL GO
BEAUTIFULLY ON MY BOOKSHELF

765
00:22:17,437 --> 00:22:17,735
>> Stephen: IT WILL GO
BEAUTIFULLY ON MY BOOKSHELF
RIGHT HERE.

766
00:22:17,737 --> 00:22:21,672
BEAUTIFULLY ON MY BOOKSHELF
RIGHT HERE.
>> IT WOULD.

767
00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:24,141
RIGHT HERE.
>> IT WOULD.
THESE ARE MUGS I'VE MADE.

768
00:22:24,143 --> 00:22:25,676
>> IT WOULD.
THESE ARE MUGS I'VE MADE.
>> Stephen: I KNOW ON HOUSE

769
00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:29,280
THESE ARE MUGS I'VE MADE.
>> Stephen: I KNOW ON HOUSE
PLANT, YOU CAN ACTUALLY BUY

770
00:22:29,282 --> 00:22:29,914
>> Stephen: I KNOW ON HOUSE
PLANT, YOU CAN ACTUALLY BUY
THINGS LIKE ASHTRAYS AND STUFF.

771
00:22:29,916 --> 00:22:31,916
PLANT, YOU CAN ACTUALLY BUY
THINGS LIKE ASHTRAYS AND STUFF.
ARE THEY INSPIRED BY YOUR

772
00:22:31,918 --> 00:22:32,750
THINGS LIKE ASHTRAYS AND STUFF.
ARE THEY INSPIRED BY YOUR
CERAMIC WORK OR TOTALLY

773
00:22:32,752 --> 00:22:33,651
ARE THEY INSPIRED BY YOUR
CERAMIC WORK OR TOTALLY
INDEPENDENT?

774
00:22:33,653 --> 00:22:34,485
CERAMIC WORK OR TOTALLY
INDEPENDENT?
>> THEY ARE.

775
00:22:34,487 --> 00:22:36,120
INDEPENDENT?
>> THEY ARE.
I ACTUALLY DESIGNED SOME OF THE

776
00:22:36,122 --> 00:22:37,321
>> THEY ARE.
I ACTUALLY DESIGNED SOME OF THE
ASHTRAYS WE SELL.

777
00:22:37,323 --> 00:22:37,888
I ACTUALLY DESIGNED SOME OF THE
ASHTRAYS WE SELL.
THESE ARE SOME OF THE ONES.

778
00:22:37,890 --> 00:22:41,692
ASHTRAYS WE SELL.
THESE ARE SOME OF THE ONES.
I KIND OF LIKE ENVISIONED THIS

779
00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:42,326
THESE ARE SOME OF THE ONES.
I KIND OF LIKE ENVISIONED THIS
CUP ASHTRAY WITH A LITTLE NOTCH

780
00:22:42,328 --> 00:22:45,696
I KIND OF LIKE ENVISIONED THIS
CUP ASHTRAY WITH A LITTLE NOTCH
HERE WHICH WAS VERY MUCH BASED

781
00:22:45,698 --> 00:22:46,964
CUP ASHTRAY WITH A LITTLE NOTCH
HERE WHICH WAS VERY MUCH BASED
OFF OF MY NEEDS.

782
00:22:46,966 --> 00:22:48,132
HERE WHICH WAS VERY MUCH BASED
OFF OF MY NEEDS.
THESE ARE A COUPLE I'VE MADE.

783
00:22:48,134 --> 00:22:49,667
OFF OF MY NEEDS.
THESE ARE A COUPLE I'VE MADE.
>> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL.

784
00:22:49,669 --> 00:22:50,701
THESE ARE A COUPLE I'VE MADE.
>> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL.
>> YEAH.

785
00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:51,602
>> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL.
>> YEAH.
AND I ALSO HAVE MADE THESE

786
00:22:51,604 --> 00:22:52,436
>> YEAH.
AND I ALSO HAVE MADE THESE
GLAZES.

787
00:22:52,438 --> 00:22:53,671
AND I ALSO HAVE MADE THESE
GLAZES.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE ALSO --

788
00:22:53,673 --> 00:22:57,675
GLAZES.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE ALSO --
YOU'VE HAD WHAT YOU ARE

789
00:22:57,677 --> 00:23:00,144
>> Stephen: YOU'VE ALSO --
YOU'VE HAD WHAT YOU ARE
DESCRIBING AS NOT A FEUD WITH

790
00:23:00,146 --> 00:23:01,679
YOU'VE HAD WHAT YOU ARE
DESCRIBING AS NOT A FEUD WITH
TED CRUZ, OKAY.

791
00:23:01,681 --> 00:23:05,683
DESCRIBING AS NOT A FEUD WITH
TED CRUZ, OKAY.
IT'S NOT A FEUD.

792
00:23:05,685 --> 00:23:08,352
TED CRUZ, OKAY.
IT'S NOT A FEUD.
HE HAS SAID THAT YOU ARE, YOU

793
00:23:08,354 --> 00:23:09,687
IT'S NOT A FEUD.
HE HAS SAID THAT YOU ARE, YOU
KNOW -- HE'S SAID THAT BASICALLY

794
00:23:09,689 --> 00:23:12,123
HE HAS SAID THAT YOU ARE, YOU
KNOW -- HE'S SAID THAT BASICALLY
YOU'RE A RICH, ANGRY HOLLYWOOD

795
00:23:12,125 --> 00:23:13,524
KNOW -- HE'S SAID THAT BASICALLY
YOU'RE A RICH, ANGRY HOLLYWOOD
CELEBRITY, AND YOU SAID IF

796
00:23:13,526 --> 00:23:14,058
YOU'RE A RICH, ANGRY HOLLYWOOD
CELEBRITY, AND YOU SAID IF
YOU'RE A WHITE SUPREMACIST

797
00:23:14,060 --> 00:23:15,960
CELEBRITY, AND YOU SAID IF
YOU'RE A WHITE SUPREMACIST
FASCIST THAT DOESN'T FIND IT

798
00:23:15,962 --> 00:23:17,695
YOU'RE A WHITE SUPREMACIST
FASCIST THAT DOESN'T FIND IT
OFFENSIVE WHEN SOMEONE CALLS

799
00:23:17,697 --> 00:23:21,298
FASCIST THAT DOESN'T FIND IT
OFFENSIVE WHEN SOMEONE CALLS
YOUR WIFE UGLY TED CRUZ IS THE

800
00:23:21,300 --> 00:23:21,766
OFFENSIVE WHEN SOMEONE CALLS
YOUR WIFE UGLY TED CRUZ IS THE
(<i> BLEEP</i> ) FOR YOU.

801
00:23:21,768 --> 00:23:29,673
YOUR WIFE UGLY TED CRUZ IS THE
(<i> BLEEP</i> ) FOR YOU.
IS THAT PASSING HARSH JUDGMENT?

802
00:23:29,675 --> 00:23:32,343
(<i> BLEEP</i> ) FOR YOU.
IS THAT PASSING HARSH JUDGMENT?
>> FEUD IMPLIES EQUAL GROUND.

803
00:23:32,345 --> 00:23:33,677
IS THAT PASSING HARSH JUDGMENT?
>> FEUD IMPLIES EQUAL GROUND.
>> Stephen: HATFIELDS AND

804
00:23:33,679 --> 00:23:36,113
>> FEUD IMPLIES EQUAL GROUND.
>> Stephen: HATFIELDS AND
McCOYS, THAT SORT OF THING.

805
00:23:36,115 --> 00:23:37,681
>> Stephen: HATFIELDS AND
McCOYS, THAT SORT OF THING.
>> IF SOMEONE'S TRYING TO MURDER

806
00:23:37,683 --> 00:23:40,017
McCOYS, THAT SORT OF THING.
>> IF SOMEONE'S TRYING TO MURDER
SOMEONE WITH A BE ABLE TO BAT

807
00:23:40,019 --> 00:23:41,685
>> IF SOMEONE'S TRYING TO MURDER
SOMEONE WITH A BE ABLE TO BAT
AND SOMEONE IS YELLING THAT

808
00:23:41,687 --> 00:23:45,689
SOMEONE WITH A BE ABLE TO BAT
AND SOMEONE IS YELLING THAT
PERSON TO STOP, IS THAT A FEUD?

809
00:23:45,691 --> 00:23:48,125
AND SOMEONE IS YELLING THAT
PERSON TO STOP, IS THAT A FEUD?
I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S A FEUD.

810
00:23:48,127 --> 00:23:51,796
PERSON TO STOP, IS THAT A FEUD?
I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S A FEUD.
I THINK FEUD IMPLIES TWO PEOPLE

811
00:23:51,798 --> 00:23:53,297
I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S A FEUD.
I THINK FEUD IMPLIES TWO PEOPLE
HITTING EACH OTHER WITH BASEBALL

812
00:23:53,299 --> 00:23:53,697
I THINK FEUD IMPLIES TWO PEOPLE
HITTING EACH OTHER WITH BASEBALL
BATS.

813
00:23:53,699 --> 00:23:56,767
HITTING EACH OTHER WITH BASEBALL
BATS.
I'M, LIKE, TED CRUZ IS A

814
00:23:56,769 --> 00:23:57,668
BATS.
I'M, LIKE, TED CRUZ IS A
FASCIST.

815
00:23:57,670 --> 00:24:00,137
I'M, LIKE, TED CRUZ IS A
FASCIST.
HE DENIES THE REALITY OF THE

816
00:24:00,139 --> 00:24:01,672
FASCIST.
HE DENIES THE REALITY OF THE
ELECTION.

817
00:24:01,674 --> 00:24:05,676
HE DENIES THE REALITY OF THE
ELECTION.
HIS WORDS CAUSED PEOPLE TO DIE,

818
00:24:05,678 --> 00:24:07,211
ELECTION.
HIS WORDS CAUSED PEOPLE TO DIE,
AND I'M MAKING JOKES ABOUT IT.

819
00:24:07,213 --> 00:24:08,012
HIS WORDS CAUSED PEOPLE TO DIE,
AND I'M MAKING JOKES ABOUT IT.
IS THAT A FEUD?

820
00:24:08,014 --> 00:24:08,979
AND I'M MAKING JOKES ABOUT IT.
IS THAT A FEUD?
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )

821
00:24:08,981 --> 00:24:09,613
IS THAT A FEUD?
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
I DON'T KNOW.

822
00:24:09,615 --> 00:24:10,214
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
I DON'T KNOW.
TO ME, IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A

823
00:24:10,216 --> 00:24:12,116
I DON'T KNOW.
TO ME, IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A
FEUD.

824
00:24:12,118 --> 00:24:13,851
TO ME, IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A
FEUD.
TO ME, SEEMS LIKE I'M POINTING

825
00:24:13,853 --> 00:24:17,688
FEUD.
TO ME, SEEMS LIKE I'M POINTING
OUT THE FACT THAT HE IS A

826
00:24:17,690 --> 00:24:18,289
TO ME, SEEMS LIKE I'M POINTING
OUT THE FACT THAT HE IS A
TERRIBLE MAN WHOSE WORDS HAVE

827
00:24:18,291 --> 00:24:21,692
OUT THE FACT THAT HE IS A
TERRIBLE MAN WHOSE WORDS HAVE
RESULTED IN DEATH, YOU KNOW.

828
00:24:21,694 --> 00:24:24,128
TERRIBLE MAN WHOSE WORDS HAVE
RESULTED IN DEATH, YOU KNOW.
AND I GUESS, TO ME, YEAH, LIKE--

829
00:24:24,130 --> 00:24:25,029
RESULTED IN DEATH, YOU KNOW.
AND I GUESS, TO ME, YEAH, LIKE--
I MEAN, IT SPEAKS TO WHAT I

830
00:24:25,031 --> 00:24:25,696
AND I GUESS, TO ME, YEAH, LIKE--
I MEAN, IT SPEAKS TO WHAT I
THINK IS A BIGGER PROBLEM IN

831
00:24:25,698 --> 00:24:27,865
I MEAN, IT SPEAKS TO WHAT I
THINK IS A BIGGER PROBLEM IN
AMERICA WHICH IS A FALSE

832
00:24:27,867 --> 00:24:29,266
THINK IS A BIGGER PROBLEM IN
AMERICA WHICH IS A FALSE
EQUIVALENCY, AND I WAS GOING TO

833
00:24:29,268 --> 00:24:29,900
AMERICA WHICH IS A FALSE
EQUIVALENCY, AND I WAS GOING TO
USE THE TERM "BETWEEN THE RIGHT

834
00:24:29,902 --> 00:24:31,902
EQUIVALENCY, AND I WAS GOING TO
USE THE TERM "BETWEEN THE RIGHT
AND THE LEFT"

835
00:24:31,904 --> 00:24:33,537
USE THE TERM "BETWEEN THE RIGHT
AND THE LEFT"
WHICH MAKES IT SEEM LIKE TWO

836
00:24:33,539 --> 00:24:34,038
AND THE LEFT"
WHICH MAKES IT SEEM LIKE TWO
APPENDAGE AS OF THE SAME

837
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,140
WHICH MAKES IT SEEM LIKE TWO
APPENDAGE AS OF THE SAME
CREATURE, WHICH I DON'T THINK IT

838
00:24:36,142 --> 00:24:37,675
APPENDAGE AS OF THE SAME
CREATURE, WHICH I DON'T THINK IT
IS.

839
00:24:37,677 --> 00:24:41,145
CREATURE, WHICH I DON'T THINK IT
IS.
I THINK ONE IS -- ONE IS A

840
00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:41,745
IS.
I THINK ONE IS -- ONE IS A
CREATURE AND THE OTHER'S JUST

841
00:24:41,747 --> 00:24:42,746
I THINK ONE IS -- ONE IS A
CREATURE AND THE OTHER'S JUST
TRYING TO STO IT FROM

842
00:24:42,748 --> 00:24:44,114
CREATURE AND THE OTHER'S JUST
TRYING TO STO IT FROM
DESTROYING THE COUNTRY,

843
00:24:44,116 --> 00:24:45,683
TRYING TO STO IT FROM
DESTROYING THE COUNTRY,
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )

844
00:24:45,685 --> 00:24:47,518
DESTROYING THE COUNTRY,
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
AND, SO, I DON'T KNOW IF, LIKE,

845
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:48,118
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
AND, SO, I DON'T KNOW IF, LIKE,
IS THAT A FEUD?

846
00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:49,687
AND, SO, I DON'T KNOW IF, LIKE,
IS THAT A FEUD?
I DON'T KNOW.

847
00:24:49,689 --> 00:24:51,589
IS THAT A FEUD?
I DON'T KNOW.
ARE THOSE TWO THINGS ON THE SAME

848
00:24:51,591 --> 00:24:53,691
I DON'T KNOW.
ARE THOSE TWO THINGS ON THE SAME
LEVEL?

849
00:24:53,693 --> 00:24:56,460
ARE THOSE TWO THINGS ON THE SAME
LEVEL?
LIKE-- AND I AGREE THAT, LIKE, I

850
00:24:56,462 --> 00:24:57,695
LEVEL?
LIKE-- AND I AGREE THAT, LIKE, I
THINK IT'S EASY TO SAY, LIKE,

851
00:24:57,697 --> 00:24:59,964
LIKE-- AND I AGREE THAT, LIKE, I
THINK IT'S EASY TO SAY, LIKE,
THAT MAY BE THE LEFT FEELS

852
00:24:59,966 --> 00:25:00,598
THINK IT'S EASY TO SAY, LIKE,
THAT MAY BE THE LEFT FEELS
INEFFECTIVE IN COMPARISON TO HOW

853
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:03,901
THAT MAY BE THE LEFT FEELS
INEFFECTIVE IN COMPARISON TO HOW
THEY SHOULD, BUT IT'S LIKE IF

854
00:25:03,903 --> 00:25:05,703
INEFFECTIVE IN COMPARISON TO HOW
THEY SHOULD, BUT IT'S LIKE IF
YOU WERE PLAYING BASEBALL

855
00:25:05,705 --> 00:25:06,337
THEY SHOULD, BUT IT'S LIKE IF
YOU WERE PLAYING BASEBALL
AGAINST A TEAM AND, LIKE, YOU'RE

856
00:25:06,339 --> 00:25:08,472
YOU WERE PLAYING BASEBALL
AGAINST A TEAM AND, LIKE, YOU'RE
TRYING TO GET A LOT OF RUNS AND

857
00:25:08,474 --> 00:25:09,673
AGAINST A TEAM AND, LIKE, YOU'RE
TRYING TO GET A LOT OF RUNS AND
THE OTHER TEAM IS TRYING TO

858
00:25:09,675 --> 00:25:12,142
TRYING TO GET A LOT OF RUNS AND
THE OTHER TEAM IS TRYING TO
BLUDGEONED YOU TO DEATH, LIKE,

859
00:25:12,144 --> 00:25:13,677
THE OTHER TEAM IS TRYING TO
BLUDGEONED YOU TO DEATH, LIKE,
IS IT LIKE SHOCKING THAT YOU'RE

860
00:25:13,679 --> 00:25:16,747
BLUDGEONED YOU TO DEATH, LIKE,
IS IT LIKE SHOCKING THAT YOU'RE
NOT SCORING AS MANY RUNS AS

861
00:25:16,749 --> 00:25:17,681
IS IT LIKE SHOCKING THAT YOU'RE
NOT SCORING AS MANY RUNS AS
MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE SCORING?

862
00:25:17,683 --> 00:25:19,517
NOT SCORING AS MANY RUNS AS
MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE SCORING?
NO, THE OTHER TEAM IS JUST

863
00:25:19,519 --> 00:25:20,651
MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE SCORING?
NO, THE OTHER TEAM IS JUST
TRYING TO BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH

864
00:25:20,653 --> 00:25:21,352
NO, THE OTHER TEAM IS JUST
TRYING TO BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH
BASEBALL COMBATS, YOU KNOW.

865
00:25:21,354 --> 00:25:21,852
TRYING TO BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH
BASEBALL COMBATS, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: I LIKE THAT

866
00:25:21,854 --> 00:25:24,154
BASEBALL COMBATS, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: I LIKE THAT
METAPHOR.

867
00:25:24,156 --> 00:25:27,291
>> Stephen: I LIKE THAT
METAPHOR.
IT'S AMERICA'S PAST TIME, THAT

868
00:25:27,293 --> 00:25:27,625
METAPHOR.
IT'S AMERICA'S PAST TIME, THAT
METAPHOR.

869
00:25:27,627 --> 00:25:29,293
IT'S AMERICA'S PAST TIME, THAT
METAPHOR.
>> EXACTLY.

870
00:25:29,295 --> 00:25:29,693
METAPHOR.
>> EXACTLY.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )

871
00:25:29,695 --> 00:25:30,261
>> EXACTLY.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
>> Stephen: WHAT I'M CURIOUS

872
00:25:30,263 --> 00:25:33,397
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
>> Stephen: WHAT I'M CURIOUS
ABOUT, JUST LISTENING TO HEAR

873
00:25:33,399 --> 00:25:33,931
>> Stephen: WHAT I'M CURIOUS
ABOUT, JUST LISTENING TO HEAR
YOU TALK, IS HAVE YOU EVER

874
00:25:33,933 --> 00:25:40,104
ABOUT, JUST LISTENING TO HEAR
YOU TALK, IS HAVE YOU EVER
GOTTEN HIGH WITH SOMEONE WITH

875
00:25:40,106 --> 00:25:41,338
YOU TALK, IS HAVE YOU EVER
GOTTEN HIGH WITH SOMEONE WITH
WHOM YOU SHARE NO POLITICAL

876
00:25:41,340 --> 00:25:41,672
GOTTEN HIGH WITH SOMEONE WITH
WHOM YOU SHARE NO POLITICAL
PHILOSOPHIES?

877
00:25:41,674 --> 00:25:44,041
WHOM YOU SHARE NO POLITICAL
PHILOSOPHIES?
IN OTHER WORDS, DO YOU THINK YOU

878
00:25:44,043 --> 00:25:45,676
PHILOSOPHIES?
IN OTHER WORDS, DO YOU THINK YOU
COULD GET HIGH WITH TED CRUZ AND

879
00:25:45,678 --> 00:25:48,145
IN OTHER WORDS, DO YOU THINK YOU
COULD GET HIGH WITH TED CRUZ AND
THAT WOULD BE BENEFICIAL TO HIM?

880
00:25:48,147 --> 00:25:49,680
COULD GET HIGH WITH TED CRUZ AND
THAT WOULD BE BENEFICIAL TO HIM?
ARE THERE A LOT OF FAR RIGHT --

881
00:25:49,682 --> 00:25:52,349
THAT WOULD BE BENEFICIAL TO HIM?
ARE THERE A LOT OF FAR RIGHT --
>> IT WOULD BE BENEFICIAL TO HIM

882
00:25:52,351 --> 00:25:52,983
ARE THERE A LOT OF FAR RIGHT --
>> IT WOULD BE BENEFICIAL TO HIM
BECAUSE IT WOULD BE HUMANIZING

883
00:25:52,985 --> 00:25:53,684
>> IT WOULD BE BENEFICIAL TO HIM
BECAUSE IT WOULD BE HUMANIZING
HIM IN SOME WAY--

884
00:25:53,686 --> 00:25:55,252
BECAUSE IT WOULD BE HUMANIZING
HIM IN SOME WAY--
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )

885
00:25:55,254 --> 00:25:56,120
HIM IN SOME WAY--
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
TO HANG OUT WITH ME, I WOULD

886
00:25:56,122 --> 00:25:57,254
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
TO HANG OUT WITH ME, I WOULD
IMAGINE.

887
00:25:57,256 --> 00:25:57,688
TO HANG OUT WITH ME, I WOULD
IMAGINE.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )

888
00:25:57,690 --> 00:26:00,124
IMAGINE.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
BUT, NO, I DON'T-- I DON'T-- I

889
00:26:00,126 --> 00:26:01,692
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
BUT, NO, I DON'T-- I DON'T-- I
DON'T THINK SO.

890
00:26:01,694 --> 00:26:05,696
BUT, NO, I DON'T-- I DON'T-- I
DON'T THINK SO.
I'VE TRIED, HONESTLY-- THERE ARE

891
00:26:05,698 --> 00:26:06,330
DON'T THINK SO.
I'VE TRIED, HONESTLY-- THERE ARE
PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WHO HAVE HELD

892
00:26:06,332 --> 00:26:09,667
I'VE TRIED, HONESTLY-- THERE ARE
PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WHO HAVE HELD
THE BELIEFS-- THAT HOLD THE

893
00:26:09,669 --> 00:26:12,136
PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WHO HAVE HELD
THE BELIEFS-- THAT HOLD THE
BELIEFS THAT TED CRUZ HOLDS, AND

894
00:26:12,138 --> 00:26:13,671
THE BELIEFS-- THAT HOLD THE
BELIEFS THAT TED CRUZ HOLDS, AND
I REALLY TRIED TO ENGAGE WITH

895
00:26:13,673 --> 00:26:17,107
BELIEFS THAT TED CRUZ HOLDS, AND
I REALLY TRIED TO ENGAGE WITH
THEM THROUGHOUT THE LAST YEAR,

896
00:26:17,109 --> 00:26:17,675
I REALLY TRIED TO ENGAGE WITH
THEM THROUGHOUT THE LAST YEAR,
AND ULTIMATELY IT WAS

897
00:26:17,677 --> 00:26:19,643
THEM THROUGHOUT THE LAST YEAR,
AND ULTIMATELY IT WAS
HORRIFYING.

898
00:26:19,645 --> 00:26:21,679
AND ULTIMATELY IT WAS
HORRIFYING.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )

899
00:26:21,681 --> 00:26:25,683
HORRIFYING.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
AND, TRULY, I FELT LIKE THERE IS

900
00:26:25,685 --> 00:26:29,687
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
AND, TRULY, I FELT LIKE THERE IS
NOTHING I COULD CONVEY THAT

901
00:26:29,689 --> 00:26:32,323
AND, TRULY, I FELT LIKE THERE IS
NOTHING I COULD CONVEY THAT
WOULD REFRAME THIS PERSON'S

902
00:26:32,325 --> 00:26:33,557
NOTHING I COULD CONVEY THAT
WOULD REFRAME THIS PERSON'S
REALITY AS THEY VIEWED IT, YOU

903
00:26:33,559 --> 00:26:33,757
WOULD REFRAME THIS PERSON'S
REALITY AS THEY VIEWED IT, YOU
KNOW.

904
00:26:33,759 --> 00:26:36,160
REALITY AS THEY VIEWED IT, YOU
KNOW.
AND, SO, NO, IT'S LIKE WHEN I

905
00:26:36,162 --> 00:26:37,695
KNOW.
AND, SO, NO, IT'S LIKE WHEN I
WAS ON YOUR SHOW BEFORE AND I

906
00:26:37,697 --> 00:26:39,863
AND, SO, NO, IT'S LIKE WHEN I
WAS ON YOUR SHOW BEFORE AND I
WOULDN'T TAKE A PICTURE WITH

907
00:26:39,865 --> 00:26:41,398
WAS ON YOUR SHOW BEFORE AND I
WOULDN'T TAKE A PICTURE WITH
PAUL RYAN.

908
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:41,966
WOULDN'T TAKE A PICTURE WITH
PAUL RYAN.
>> Stephen: I REMEMBER THAT.

909
00:26:41,968 --> 00:26:45,669
PAUL RYAN.
>> Stephen: I REMEMBER THAT.
>> I DON'T THINK LIKE BEING NICE

910
00:26:45,671 --> 00:26:48,138
>> Stephen: I REMEMBER THAT.
>> I DON'T THINK LIKE BEING NICE
TO TED CRUZ, FOR ME, LIKE I

911
00:26:48,140 --> 00:26:49,673
>> I DON'T THINK LIKE BEING NICE
TO TED CRUZ, FOR ME, LIKE I
DON'T THINK THAT WOULD BE A

912
00:26:49,675 --> 00:26:52,476
TO TED CRUZ, FOR ME, LIKE I
DON'T THINK THAT WOULD BE A
POSITIVE THING FOR THE WORLD.

913
00:26:52,478 --> 00:26:53,677
DON'T THINK THAT WOULD BE A
POSITIVE THING FOR THE WORLD.
IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR HIM.

914
00:26:53,679 --> 00:26:54,645
POSITIVE THING FOR THE WORLD.
IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR HIM.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )

915
00:26:54,647 --> 00:26:55,613
IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR HIM.
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
>> Stephen: SETH, WE HAVE TO

916
00:26:55,615 --> 00:26:56,647
(<i> LAUGHS</i> )
>> Stephen: SETH, WE HAVE TO
TAKE A QUICK BREAK.

917
00:26:56,649 --> 00:26:57,548
>> Stephen: SETH, WE HAVE TO
TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
STICK AROUND.

918
00:26:57,550 --> 00:26:58,182
TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
STICK AROUND.
WHEN WE COME BACK, I'M GOING TO

919
00:26:58,184 --> 00:27:01,685
STICK AROUND.
WHEN WE COME BACK, I'M GOING TO
ASK HIM ABOUT A VERY HIGH LEVEL

920
00:27:01,687 --> 00:27:04,188
WHEN WE COME BACK, I'M GOING TO
ASK HIM ABOUT A VERY HIGH LEVEL
MEETING HE HAD WITH ONE MR.

921
00:27:04,190 --> 00:27:05,689
ASK HIM ABOUT A VERY HIGH LEVEL
MEETING HE HAD WITH ONE MR.
THOMAS KRUSE.

922
00:27:05,691 --> 00:27:06,457
MEETING HE HAD WITH ONE MR.
THOMAS KRUSE.
♪ ♪ ♪

923
00:27:11,763 --> 00:27:19,737
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF

924
00:27:19,739 --> 00:27:23,707
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF
"YEAR BOOK," MR. SETH ROGEN.

925
00:27:23,709 --> 00:27:26,176
WE'RE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF
"YEAR BOOK," MR. SETH ROGEN.
SETH, YOU'VE GOT YOUR NEW BOOK

926
00:27:26,178 --> 00:27:27,711
"YEAR BOOK," MR. SETH ROGEN.
SETH, YOU'VE GOT YOUR NEW BOOK
CALLED "YEAR BOOK."

927
00:27:27,713 --> 00:27:30,447
SETH, YOU'VE GOT YOUR NEW BOOK
CALLED "YEAR BOOK."
THERE'S A STORY HERE THAT'S GOT

928
00:27:30,449 --> 00:27:31,715
CALLED "YEAR BOOK."
THERE'S A STORY HERE THAT'S GOT
A FAIR AMOUNT OF ATTENTION, YOU

929
00:27:31,717 --> 00:27:35,719
THERE'S A STORY HERE THAT'S GOT
A FAIR AMOUNT OF ATTENTION, YOU
AND JUDD APATOW.

930
00:27:35,721 --> 00:27:39,723
A FAIR AMOUNT OF ATTENTION, YOU
AND JUDD APATOW.
NO ONE'S EVER TRIED TO SELL ME

931
00:27:39,725 --> 00:27:43,727
AND JUDD APATOW.
NO ONE'S EVER TRIED TO SELL ME
ON SCIENTOLOGY AND I WOULD LIKE

932
00:27:43,729 --> 00:27:47,698
NO ONE'S EVER TRIED TO SELL ME
ON SCIENTOLOGY AND I WOULD LIKE
IT IF SOMEONE WOULD TRY.

933
00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:50,200
ON SCIENTOLOGY AND I WOULD LIKE
IT IF SOMEONE WOULD TRY.
>> IT HAPPENED A FEW HOURS INTO

934
00:27:50,202 --> 00:27:51,702
IT IF SOMEONE WOULD TRY.
>> IT HAPPENED A FEW HOURS INTO
THE MEETING AND I WAS WORRIED

935
00:27:51,704 --> 00:27:55,706
>> IT HAPPENED A FEW HOURS INTO
THE MEETING AND I WAS WORRIED
THAT I WASN'T DEEMED WORTHY IN

936
00:27:55,708 --> 00:27:58,642
THE MEETING AND I WAS WORRIED
THAT I WASN'T DEEMED WORTHY IN
SOME WAY, HONESTLY.

937
00:27:58,644 --> 00:27:59,710
THAT I WASN'T DEEMED WORTHY IN
SOME WAY, HONESTLY.
AND SO IT WAS NICE WHEN THE

938
00:27:59,712 --> 00:28:02,212
SOME WAY, HONESTLY.
AND SO IT WAS NICE WHEN THE
PITCH FINALLY CAME.

939
00:28:02,214 --> 00:28:03,714
AND SO IT WAS NICE WHEN THE
PITCH FINALLY CAME.
BUT, YEAH, ME AND JUDD WERE

940
00:28:03,716 --> 00:28:05,883
PITCH FINALLY CAME.
BUT, YEAH, ME AND JUDD WERE
SUMMONED TO TOM CRUISE'S HOUSE

941
00:28:05,885 --> 00:28:07,418
BUT, YEAH, ME AND JUDD WERE
SUMMONED TO TOM CRUISE'S HOUSE
TO TALK ABOUT MOVIE IDEAS

942
00:28:07,420 --> 00:28:08,018
SUMMONED TO TOM CRUISE'S HOUSE
TO TALK ABOUT MOVIE IDEAS
BECAUSE THIS WAS THE PEEK WHEN

943
00:28:08,020 --> 00:28:11,722
TO TALK ABOUT MOVIE IDEAS
BECAUSE THIS WAS THE PEEK WHEN
HE WAS VIEWED UNFAVORABLY WHEN

944
00:28:11,724 --> 00:28:13,257
BECAUSE THIS WAS THE PEEK WHEN
HE WAS VIEWED UNFAVORABLY WHEN
HE WAS JUMPING ON THE COUCH ON

945
00:28:13,259 --> 00:28:14,191
HE WAS VIEWED UNFAVORABLY WHEN
HE WAS JUMPING ON THE COUCH ON
OPRAH--

946
00:28:14,193 --> 00:28:18,128
HE WAS JUMPING ON THE COUCH ON
OPRAH--
>> Stephen: CALLING MATT LAUER

947
00:28:18,130 --> 00:28:18,996
OPRAH--
>> Stephen: CALLING MATT LAUER
GLIB.

948
00:28:18,998 --> 00:28:19,697
>> Stephen: CALLING MATT LAUER
GLIB.
>> WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT AFTER

949
00:28:19,699 --> 00:28:20,197
GLIB.
>> WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT AFTER
ALL THESE YEARS!

950
00:28:20,199 --> 00:28:23,701
>> WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT AFTER
ALL THESE YEARS!
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )

951
00:28:23,703 --> 00:28:31,742
ALL THESE YEARS!
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
BUT, ULTIMATELY, IT WAS A TIME I

952
00:28:31,744 --> 00:28:35,713
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
BUT, ULTIMATELY, IT WAS A TIME I
THINK THAT HE WAS SAYING HE

953
00:28:35,715 --> 00:28:37,414
BUT, ULTIMATELY, IT WAS A TIME I
THINK THAT HE WAS SAYING HE
WANTED TO DO A COMEDY, AND, SO,

954
00:28:37,416 --> 00:28:38,182
THINK THAT HE WAS SAYING HE
WANTED TO DO A COMEDY, AND, SO,
HE WAS MEETING WITH COMEDIC

955
00:28:38,184 --> 00:28:39,717
WANTED TO DO A COMEDY, AND, SO,
HE WAS MEETING WITH COMEDIC
FILM-MAKERS TO TALK ABOUT A

956
00:28:39,719 --> 00:28:42,319
HE WAS MEETING WITH COMEDIC
FILM-MAKERS TO TALK ABOUT A
POTENTIAL COMEDY MOVIE.

957
00:28:42,321 --> 00:28:43,721
FILM-MAKERS TO TALK ABOUT A
POTENTIAL COMEDY MOVIE.
SO ME AND JUDD WENT TO MEET HIM.

958
00:28:43,723 --> 00:28:44,188
POTENTIAL COMEDY MOVIE.
SO ME AND JUDD WENT TO MEET HIM.
WE WENT TO HIS HOUSE.

959
00:28:44,190 --> 00:28:46,790
SO ME AND JUDD WENT TO MEET HIM.
WE WENT TO HIS HOUSE.
>> Stephen: NICE PLACE, I'M

960
00:28:46,792 --> 00:28:47,691
WE WENT TO HIS HOUSE.
>> Stephen: NICE PLACE, I'M
GUESSING?

961
00:28:47,693 --> 00:28:50,194
>> Stephen: NICE PLACE, I'M
GUESSING?
>> VERY BEAUTIFUL HOUSE,

962
00:28:50,196 --> 00:28:53,363
GUESSING?
>> VERY BEAUTIFUL HOUSE,
PALATIAL, ESTATE, WINDING

963
00:28:53,365 --> 00:28:54,198
>> VERY BEAUTIFUL HOUSE,
PALATIAL, ESTATE, WINDING
DRIVEWAY, I MET BABY SURI.

964
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:55,699
PALATIAL, ESTATE, WINDING
DRIVEWAY, I MET BABY SURI.
NOBODY HAD MET HER AND WONDERED

965
00:28:55,701 --> 00:28:59,703
DRIVEWAY, I MET BABY SURI.
NOBODY HAD MET HER AND WONDERED
IF SHE WAS REAL.

966
00:28:59,705 --> 00:29:07,478
NOBODY HAD MET HER AND WONDERED
IF SHE WAS REAL.
IT WAS BELIEVABLE HE PERHAPS HAD

967
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:08,045
IF SHE WAS REAL.
IT WAS BELIEVABLE HE PERHAPS HAD
A FAKE BABY, WHICH IS ON THE

968
00:29:08,047 --> 00:29:11,715
IT WAS BELIEVABLE HE PERHAPS HAD
A FAKE BABY, WHICH IS ON THE
TABLE, WHICH IS NOT SOMETHING

969
00:29:11,717 --> 00:29:14,184
A FAKE BABY, WHICH IS ON THE
TABLE, WHICH IS NOT SOMETHING
YOU WANT PEOPLE TO THINK OF YOU.

970
00:29:14,186 --> 00:29:15,719
TABLE, WHICH IS NOT SOMETHING
YOU WANT PEOPLE TO THINK OF YOU.
BUT I WENT THERE, YEAH, WITH

971
00:29:15,721 --> 00:29:19,723
YOU WANT PEOPLE TO THINK OF YOU.
BUT I WENT THERE, YEAH, WITH
JUDD, AND, AFTER A FEW HOURS,

972
00:29:19,725 --> 00:29:23,694
BUT I WENT THERE, YEAH, WITH
JUDD, AND, AFTER A FEW HOURS,
THE CONVERSATION FINALLY SHIFTED

973
00:29:23,696 --> 00:29:26,196
JUDD, AND, AFTER A FEW HOURS,
THE CONVERSATION FINALLY SHIFTED
TO HOW HE WAS PER SIEVED IN THE

974
00:29:26,198 --> 00:29:27,698
THE CONVERSATION FINALLY SHIFTED
TO HOW HE WAS PER SIEVED IN THE
PRESS, AND HE WAS TALKING ABOUT

975
00:29:27,700 --> 00:29:31,068
TO HOW HE WAS PER SIEVED IN THE
PRESS, AND HE WAS TALKING ABOUT
HOW, YOU KNOW, IT WAS -- A LOT

976
00:29:31,070 --> 00:29:31,735
PRESS, AND HE WAS TALKING ABOUT
HOW, YOU KNOW, IT WAS -- A LOT
OF THE STUFF WAS TAKEN OUT OF

977
00:29:31,737 --> 00:29:34,171
HOW, YOU KNOW, IT WAS -- A LOT
OF THE STUFF WAS TAKEN OUT OF
CONTEXT AND HE FELT AS THOUGH

978
00:29:34,173 --> 00:29:35,706
OF THE STUFF WAS TAKEN OUT OF
CONTEXT AND HE FELT AS THOUGH
THE PHARMACEUTICAL INDUSTRY WAS

979
00:29:35,708 --> 00:29:38,208
CONTEXT AND HE FELT AS THOUGH
THE PHARMACEUTICAL INDUSTRY WAS
PERHAPS USING THEIR SWAY TO

980
00:29:38,210 --> 00:29:39,743
THE PHARMACEUTICAL INDUSTRY WAS
PERHAPS USING THEIR SWAY TO
CONTROL -- YOU KNOW, MAKE HIM

981
00:29:39,745 --> 00:29:43,580
PERHAPS USING THEIR SWAY TO
CONTROL -- YOU KNOW, MAKE HIM
LOOK BAD IN THE MEDIA BECAUSE

982
00:29:43,582 --> 00:29:44,214
CONTROL -- YOU KNOW, MAKE HIM
LOOK BAD IN THE MEDIA BECAUSE
SCIENTOLOGISTS DON'T BELIEVE IN

983
00:29:44,216 --> 00:29:47,718
LOOK BAD IN THE MEDIA BECAUSE
SCIENTOLOGISTS DON'T BELIEVE IN
PHARMACEUTICAL DRUGS, SO HE

984
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:49,586
SCIENTOLOGISTS DON'T BELIEVE IN
PHARMACEUTICAL DRUGS, SO HE
THOUGHT HE WAS DAMAGING THE

985
00:29:49,588 --> 00:29:50,187
PHARMACEUTICAL DRUGS, SO HE
THOUGHT HE WAS DAMAGING THE
PHARMACEUTICAL INDUSTRY.

986
00:29:50,189 --> 00:29:54,191
THOUGHT HE WAS DAMAGING THE
PHARMACEUTICAL INDUSTRY.
AND, SO, THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME

987
00:29:54,193 --> 00:29:55,292
PHARMACEUTICAL INDUSTRY.
AND, SO, THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME
SCIENTOLOGY CAME UP.

988
00:29:55,294 --> 00:29:55,859
AND, SO, THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME
SCIENTOLOGY CAME UP.
IT WAS, LIKE, OH, BECAUSE OF

989
00:29:55,861 --> 00:29:56,426
SCIENTOLOGY CAME UP.
IT WAS, LIKE, OH, BECAUSE OF
SCIENTOLOGY, THAT'S WHY THEY

990
00:29:56,428 --> 00:29:58,195
IT WAS, LIKE, OH, BECAUSE OF
SCIENTOLOGY, THAT'S WHY THEY
WOULD DO THAT.

991
00:29:58,197 --> 00:29:59,696
SCIENTOLOGY, THAT'S WHY THEY
WOULD DO THAT.
HE WAS, LIKE, YEAH.

992
00:29:59,698 --> 00:30:02,199
WOULD DO THAT.
HE WAS, LIKE, YEAH.
AND THEN HE LOOKS AT US AND HE

993
00:30:02,201 --> 00:30:03,700
HE WAS, LIKE, YEAH.
AND THEN HE LOOKS AT US AND HE
GOES, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE HAVE A

994
00:30:03,702 --> 00:30:07,137
AND THEN HE LOOKS AT US AND HE
GOES, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE HAVE A
LOT OF MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT

995
00:30:07,139 --> 00:30:07,738
GOES, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE HAVE A
LOT OF MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT
SCIENTOLOGY, AND IF YOU LET ME

996
00:30:07,740 --> 00:30:11,708
LOT OF MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT
SCIENTOLOGY, AND IF YOU LET ME
TELL YOU FOR ONE HOUR WHAT

997
00:30:11,710 --> 00:30:14,011
SCIENTOLOGY, AND IF YOU LET ME
TELL YOU FOR ONE HOUR WHAT
SCIENTOLOGY WAS, YOU WOULD SAY

998
00:30:14,013 --> 00:30:14,444
TELL YOU FOR ONE HOUR WHAT
SCIENTOLOGY WAS, YOU WOULD SAY
NO (<i> BLEEP</i> ) WAY.

999
00:30:14,446 --> 00:30:17,181
SCIENTOLOGY WAS, YOU WOULD SAY
NO (<i> BLEEP</i> ) WAY.
AND, LIKE, I REMEMBER THINKING

1000
00:30:17,183 --> 00:30:18,482
NO (<i> BLEEP</i> ) WAY.
AND, LIKE, I REMEMBER THINKING
LIKE, I REMEMBER THINKING, LIKE,

1001
00:30:18,484 --> 00:30:19,716
AND, LIKE, I REMEMBER THINKING
LIKE, I REMEMBER THINKING, LIKE,
DO I SAY YES?

1002
00:30:19,718 --> 00:30:21,785
LIKE, I REMEMBER THINKING, LIKE,
DO I SAY YES?
WHAT DO I SAY?

1003
00:30:21,787 --> 00:30:22,886
DO I SAY YES?
WHAT DO I SAY?
JUDD WAS THERE, I WAS LIKE IS HE

1004
00:30:22,888 --> 00:30:23,720
WHAT DO I SAY?
JUDD WAS THERE, I WAS LIKE IS HE
GOING TO SAY YES?

1005
00:30:23,722 --> 00:30:26,190
JUDD WAS THERE, I WAS LIKE IS HE
GOING TO SAY YES?
WHAT DO WE DO WITH THIS?

1006
00:30:26,192 --> 00:30:27,724
GOING TO SAY YES?
WHAT DO WE DO WITH THIS?
>> Stephen: PLEASE TELL ME YOU

1007
00:30:27,726 --> 00:30:30,661
WHAT DO WE DO WITH THIS?
>> Stephen: PLEASE TELL ME YOU
SAID YES.

1008
00:30:30,663 --> 00:30:31,728
>> Stephen: PLEASE TELL ME YOU
SAID YES.
>> I SAID NOTHING BECAUSE I DID

1009
00:30:31,730 --> 00:30:34,998
SAID YES.
>> I SAID NOTHING BECAUSE I DID
NOT KNOW-- I GENUINELY FEARED I

1010
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:35,699
>> I SAID NOTHING BECAUSE I DID
NOT KNOW-- I GENUINELY FEARED I
WAS NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO GET THE

1011
00:30:35,701 --> 00:30:38,202
NOT KNOW-- I GENUINELY FEARED I
WAS NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO GET THE
PITCH AND NOT GO ALONG WITH IT.

1012
00:30:38,204 --> 00:30:39,703
WAS NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO GET THE
PITCH AND NOT GO ALONG WITH IT.
I'M A BIG TOM CRUISE FAN.

1013
00:30:39,705 --> 00:30:42,139
PITCH AND NOT GO ALONG WITH IT.
I'M A BIG TOM CRUISE FAN.
I WOULD NOT--

1014
00:30:42,141 --> 00:30:43,173
I'M A BIG TOM CRUISE FAN.
I WOULD NOT--
>> Stephen: ME, TOO!

1015
00:30:43,175 --> 00:30:43,774
I WOULD NOT--
>> Stephen: ME, TOO!
THAT'S LIKE BEING TAUGHT ABOUT

1016
00:30:43,776 --> 00:30:44,308
>> Stephen: ME, TOO!
THAT'S LIKE BEING TAUGHT ABOUT
THE CATHOLIC CHURCH BY ST.

1017
00:30:44,310 --> 00:30:46,777
THAT'S LIKE BEING TAUGHT ABOUT
THE CATHOLIC CHURCH BY ST.
PETER.

1018
00:30:46,779 --> 00:30:47,711
THE CATHOLIC CHURCH BY ST.
PETER.
>> EXACTLY, YOU WIND UP A

1019
00:30:47,713 --> 00:30:49,046
PETER.
>> EXACTLY, YOU WIND UP A
CATHOLIC, THOUGH!

1020
00:30:49,048 --> 00:30:50,214
>> EXACTLY, YOU WIND UP A
CATHOLIC, THOUGH!
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

1021
00:30:50,216 --> 00:30:51,715
CATHOLIC, THOUGH!
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
HE WOULD GET YOU.

1022
00:30:51,717 --> 00:30:54,017
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
HE WOULD GET YOU.
THAT WAS MY FEAR.

1023
00:30:54,019 --> 00:30:55,719
HE WOULD GET YOU.
THAT WAS MY FEAR.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW HOW?

1024
00:30:55,721 --> 00:30:59,723
THAT WAS MY FEAR.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW HOW?
HE WOULD GET YOU WITH THE TECH.

1025
00:30:59,725 --> 00:31:01,625
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW HOW?
HE WOULD GET YOU WITH THE TECH.
>> EXACTLY.

1026
00:31:01,627 --> 00:31:02,226
HE WOULD GET YOU WITH THE TECH.
>> EXACTLY.
HE'D CLEAR--

1027
00:31:02,228 --> 00:31:03,694
>> EXACTLY.
HE'D CLEAR--
>> Stephen: YOU'VE GOT TO USE

1028
00:31:03,696 --> 00:31:06,763
HE'D CLEAR--
>> Stephen: YOU'VE GOT TO USE
THE TECH BECAUSE KSW, AND I MEAN

1029
00:31:06,765 --> 00:31:07,698
>> Stephen: YOU'VE GOT TO USE
THE TECH BECAUSE KSW, AND I MEAN
THAT.

1030
00:31:07,700 --> 00:31:09,867
THE TECH BECAUSE KSW, AND I MEAN
THAT.
>> CROSS THE BRIDGE, MAN.

1031
00:31:09,869 --> 00:31:11,235
THAT.
>> CROSS THE BRIDGE, MAN.
I STEPPED ON YOU A LITTLE BIT

1032
00:31:11,237 --> 00:31:11,702
>> CROSS THE BRIDGE, MAN.
I STEPPED ON YOU A LITTLE BIT
THERE.

1033
00:31:11,704 --> 00:31:14,238
I STEPPED ON YOU A LITTLE BIT
THERE.
YOU WERE RIGHT TO SAY YES AND

1034
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:15,706
THERE.
YOU WERE RIGHT TO SAY YES AND
JUDD SAID NO.

1035
00:31:15,708 --> 00:31:18,475
YOU WERE RIGHT TO SAY YES AND
JUDD SAID NO.
>> JUDD -- I LOOKED AT JUDD AND

1036
00:31:18,477 --> 00:31:19,710
JUDD SAID NO.
>> JUDD -- I LOOKED AT JUDD AND
JUDD ULTIMATELY SAID, HE'S,

1037
00:31:19,712 --> 00:31:22,646
>> JUDD -- I LOOKED AT JUDD AND
JUDD ULTIMATELY SAID, HE'S,
LIKE, MAYBE ANOTHER TIME, AND

1038
00:31:22,648 --> 00:31:23,714
JUDD ULTIMATELY SAID, HE'S,
LIKE, MAYBE ANOTHER TIME, AND
TOM MOVED ON.

1039
00:31:23,716 --> 00:31:25,616
LIKE, MAYBE ANOTHER TIME, AND
TOM MOVED ON.
>> Stephen: I JUST WANT TO KNOW

1040
00:31:25,618 --> 00:31:26,250
TOM MOVED ON.
>> Stephen: I JUST WANT TO KNOW
IF TOM'S WATCHING, I REALLY WANT

1041
00:31:26,252 --> 00:31:29,386
>> Stephen: I JUST WANT TO KNOW
IF TOM'S WATCHING, I REALLY WANT
TO HEAR IT.

1042
00:31:29,388 --> 00:31:29,887
IF TOM'S WATCHING, I REALLY WANT
TO HEAR IT.
>> YOU WANT THE SHPIEL.

1043
00:31:29,889 --> 00:31:30,554
TO HEAR IT.
>> YOU WANT THE SHPIEL.
>> Stephen: I REALLY WANT TO

1044
00:31:30,556 --> 00:31:31,722
>> YOU WANT THE SHPIEL.
>> Stephen: I REALLY WANT TO
HEAR IT.

1045
00:31:31,724 --> 00:31:35,425
>> Stephen: I REALLY WANT TO
HEAR IT.
I'M REALLY CURIOUS.

1046
00:31:35,427 --> 00:31:35,959
HEAR IT.
I'M REALLY CURIOUS.
>> I'M SURE THEY WOULD BE

1047
00:31:35,961 --> 00:31:37,961
I'M REALLY CURIOUS.
>> I'M SURE THEY WOULD BE
THRILLED TO TELL YOU.

1048
00:31:37,963 --> 00:31:38,462
>> I'M SURE THEY WOULD BE
THRILLED TO TELL YOU.
>> Stephen: TOM CRUISE.

1049
00:31:38,464 --> 00:31:43,200
THRILLED TO TELL YOU.
>> Stephen: TOM CRUISE.
CELEBRITIES NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

1050
00:31:43,202 --> 00:31:43,700
>> Stephen: TOM CRUISE.
CELEBRITIES NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
AND, LISTEN, HEY, I AM A

1051
00:31:43,702 --> 00:31:47,704
CELEBRITIES NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
AND, LISTEN, HEY, I AM A
CATHOLIC.

1052
00:31:47,706 --> 00:31:50,240
AND, LISTEN, HEY, I AM A
CATHOLIC.
I MAKE PLENTY OF JOKES ABOUT MY

1053
00:31:50,242 --> 00:31:51,708
CATHOLIC.
I MAKE PLENTY OF JOKES ABOUT MY
OWN RELIGION, SO I'M READY TO

1054
00:31:51,710 --> 00:31:55,712
I MAKE PLENTY OF JOKES ABOUT MY
OWN RELIGION, SO I'M READY TO
HEAR ANYBODY'S IDEA OF WHAT, YOU

1055
00:31:55,714 --> 00:31:56,313
OWN RELIGION, SO I'M READY TO
HEAR ANYBODY'S IDEA OF WHAT, YOU
KNOW, WHAT THEY THINK I SHOULD

1056
00:31:56,315 --> 00:31:59,716
HEAR ANYBODY'S IDEA OF WHAT, YOU
KNOW, WHAT THEY THINK I SHOULD
BE BELIEVING.

1057
00:31:59,718 --> 00:32:04,855
KNOW, WHAT THEY THINK I SHOULD
BE BELIEVING.
>> WELL, IT INVOLVES ALIENS AND

1058
00:32:04,857 --> 00:32:05,455
BE BELIEVING.
>> WELL, IT INVOLVES ALIENS AND
VOLCANOES AND HYDROGEN BOMBS,

1059
00:32:05,457 --> 00:32:06,356
>> WELL, IT INVOLVES ALIENS AND
VOLCANOES AND HYDROGEN BOMBS,
THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY.

1060
00:32:06,358 --> 00:32:07,724
VOLCANOES AND HYDROGEN BOMBS,
THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY.
>> Stephen: NOW, YOU'VE GOT A

1061
00:32:07,726 --> 00:32:09,459
THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY.
>> Stephen: NOW, YOU'VE GOT A
CHAPTER IN HERE ABOUT YOUR FIRST

1062
00:32:09,461 --> 00:32:11,695
>> Stephen: NOW, YOU'VE GOT A
CHAPTER IN HERE ABOUT YOUR FIRST
WRITING GIG.

1063
00:32:11,697 --> 00:32:13,230
CHAPTER IN HERE ABOUT YOUR FIRST
WRITING GIG.
YOU WROTE JOKES FOR A MOIL.

1064
00:32:13,232 --> 00:32:14,231
WRITING GIG.
YOU WROTE JOKES FOR A MOIL.
>> I DID.

1065
00:32:14,233 --> 00:32:15,699
YOU WROTE JOKES FOR A MOIL.
>> I DID.
MY FIRST JOB.

1066
00:32:15,701 --> 00:32:18,268
>> I DID.
MY FIRST JOB.
>> Stephen: THE OBVIOUS FIRST

1067
00:32:18,270 --> 00:32:19,303
MY FIRST JOB.
>> Stephen: THE OBVIOUS FIRST
QUESTION IS DID HE TAKE YOUR

1068
00:32:19,305 --> 00:32:19,870
>> Stephen: THE OBVIOUS FIRST
QUESTION IS DID HE TAKE YOUR
SCRIPTS AS IS OR DID HE HAVE

1069
00:32:19,872 --> 00:32:23,440
QUESTION IS DID HE TAKE YOUR
SCRIPTS AS IS OR DID HE HAVE
SOME CUTS?

1070
00:32:23,442 --> 00:32:24,041
SCRIPTS AS IS OR DID HE HAVE
SOME CUTS?
>> THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD

1071
00:32:24,043 --> 00:32:26,243
SOME CUTS?
>> THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD
ONE!

1072
00:32:26,245 --> 00:32:29,046
>> THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD
ONE!
YEAH, WELL, WHAT'S FUNNY, IT DID

1073
00:32:29,048 --> 00:32:30,414
ONE!
YEAH, WELL, WHAT'S FUNNY, IT DID
TURN INTO A BIT OF A

1074
00:32:30,416 --> 00:32:31,715
YEAH, WELL, WHAT'S FUNNY, IT DID
TURN INTO A BIT OF A
NEGOTIATION.

1075
00:32:31,717 --> 00:32:34,952
TURN INTO A BIT OF A
NEGOTIATION.
HE-- YEAH, HE-- HE SAW ME DO

1076
00:32:34,954 --> 00:32:35,686
NEGOTIATION.
HE-- YEAH, HE-- HE SAW ME DO
STANDUP AND HE GAVE ME HIS CARD

1077
00:32:35,688 --> 00:32:36,653
HE-- YEAH, HE-- HE SAW ME DO
STANDUP AND HE GAVE ME HIS CARD
AND ASKED ME TO WRITE JOKES FOR

1078
00:32:36,655 --> 00:32:37,421
STANDUP AND HE GAVE ME HIS CARD
AND ASKED ME TO WRITE JOKES FOR
HIM.

1079
00:32:37,423 --> 00:32:38,221
AND ASKED ME TO WRITE JOKES FOR
HIM.
I HAD NEVER BEEN TO A

1080
00:32:38,223 --> 00:32:39,723
HIM.
I HAD NEVER BEEN TO A
CIRCUMCISION IN MY LIFE.

1081
00:32:39,725 --> 00:32:42,125
I HAD NEVER BEEN TO A
CIRCUMCISION IN MY LIFE.
>> Stephen: ONE.

1082
00:32:42,127 --> 00:32:43,694
CIRCUMCISION IN MY LIFE.
>> Stephen: ONE.
YOU WENT TO ONE.

1083
00:32:43,696 --> 00:32:44,227
>> Stephen: ONE.
YOU WENT TO ONE.
>> WENT TO ONE.

1084
00:32:44,229 --> 00:32:47,731
YOU WENT TO ONE.
>> WENT TO ONE.
HAVE A SHADY, BAD RECOLLECTION

1085
00:32:47,733 --> 00:32:49,900
>> WENT TO ONE.
HAVE A SHADY, BAD RECOLLECTION
OF IT, TO SAY THE LEAST.

1086
00:32:49,902 --> 00:32:50,467
HAVE A SHADY, BAD RECOLLECTION
OF IT, TO SAY THE LEAST.
AND IF I DID REMEMBER IT, I

1087
00:32:50,469 --> 00:32:51,702
OF IT, TO SAY THE LEAST.
AND IF I DID REMEMBER IT, I
PROBABLY THOUGHT IT WAS NOT AN

1088
00:32:51,704 --> 00:32:53,270
AND IF I DID REMEMBER IT, I
PROBABLY THOUGHT IT WAS NOT AN
OCCASION FOR JOKES, IF ANYTHING,

1089
00:32:53,272 --> 00:32:55,706
PROBABLY THOUGHT IT WAS NOT AN
OCCASION FOR JOKES, IF ANYTHING,
YOU KNOW.

1090
00:32:55,708 --> 00:32:58,075
OCCASION FOR JOKES, IF ANYTHING,
YOU KNOW.
AND, SO, YOU KNOW, HE WANTED ONE

1091
00:32:58,077 --> 00:32:59,710
YOU KNOW.
AND, SO, YOU KNOW, HE WANTED ONE
LINERS TO WARM UP THE CROWD

1092
00:32:59,712 --> 00:33:02,245
AND, SO, YOU KNOW, HE WANTED ONE
LINERS TO WARM UP THE CROWD
WITH, BASICALLY.

1093
00:33:02,247 --> 00:33:03,714
LINERS TO WARM UP THE CROWD
WITH, BASICALLY.
AND, SO, HE SAID HE WOULD PAY ME

1094
00:33:03,716 --> 00:33:05,549
WITH, BASICALLY.
AND, SO, HE SAID HE WOULD PAY ME
50 BUCKS A JOKE.

1095
00:33:05,551 --> 00:33:07,250
AND, SO, HE SAID HE WOULD PAY ME
50 BUCKS A JOKE.
>> Stephen: WOW, THAT'S GOOD

1096
00:33:07,252 --> 00:33:07,718
50 BUCKS A JOKE.
>> Stephen: WOW, THAT'S GOOD
MONEY!

1097
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:09,486
>> Stephen: WOW, THAT'S GOOD
MONEY!
>> IT'S NOT BAD.

1098
00:33:09,488 --> 00:33:10,287
MONEY!
>> IT'S NOT BAD.
I THOUGHT I'LL WRITE TEN JOKES,

1099
00:33:10,289 --> 00:33:11,722
>> IT'S NOT BAD.
I THOUGHT I'LL WRITE TEN JOKES,
THAT'S 500 BUCKS.

1100
00:33:11,724 --> 00:33:14,224
I THOUGHT I'LL WRITE TEN JOKES,
THAT'S 500 BUCKS.
I WAS IN.

1101
00:33:14,226 --> 00:33:15,692
THAT'S 500 BUCKS.
I WAS IN.
TO ME, THAT WAS GREAT, YOU KNOW.

1102
00:33:15,694 --> 00:33:17,961
I WAS IN.
TO ME, THAT WAS GREAT, YOU KNOW.
HE PICKED ME UP FROM SCHOOL IN

1103
00:33:17,963 --> 00:33:18,795
TO ME, THAT WAS GREAT, YOU KNOW.
HE PICKED ME UP FROM SCHOOL IN
HIS FERRARI.

1104
00:33:18,797 --> 00:33:19,696
HE PICKED ME UP FROM SCHOOL IN
HIS FERRARI.
HE HAD A FERRARI.

1105
00:33:19,698 --> 00:33:21,898
HIS FERRARI.
HE HAD A FERRARI.
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )

1106
00:33:21,900 --> 00:33:23,700
HE HAD A FERRARI.
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
>> Stephen: WAIT A SECOND.

1107
00:33:23,702 --> 00:33:26,236
(<i> LAUGHTER</i> )
>> Stephen: WAIT A SECOND.
A GUY WHOSE JOB IS TO CUT A

1108
00:33:26,238 --> 00:33:27,704
>> Stephen: WAIT A SECOND.
A GUY WHOSE JOB IS TO CUT A
MILLIMETER OF SKIN OFF THE TIP

1109
00:33:27,706 --> 00:33:30,307
A GUY WHOSE JOB IS TO CUT A
MILLIMETER OF SKIN OFF THE TIP
OF AN INFANT'S PENIS IS DRIVING

1110
00:33:30,309 --> 00:33:31,475
MILLIMETER OF SKIN OFF THE TIP
OF AN INFANT'S PENIS IS DRIVING
A (<i> BLEEP</i> ) FERRARI?

1111
00:33:31,477 --> 00:33:31,808
OF AN INFANT'S PENIS IS DRIVING
A (<i> BLEEP</i> ) FERRARI?
(.LAUGHTER )

1112
00:33:31,810 --> 00:33:35,012
A (<i> BLEEP</i> ) FERRARI?
(.LAUGHTER )
HOW MANY BABY PENISES ARE WE

1113
00:33:35,014 --> 00:33:35,712
(.LAUGHTER )
HOW MANY BABY PENISES ARE WE
TALKING ABOUT HERE?

1114
00:33:35,714 --> 00:33:36,947
HOW MANY BABY PENISES ARE WE
TALKING ABOUT HERE?
WHAT IS THE RATE?

1115
00:33:36,949 --> 00:33:38,248
TALKING ABOUT HERE?
WHAT IS THE RATE?
WHAT IS THE VIG?

1116
00:33:38,250 --> 00:33:39,716
WHAT IS THE RATE?
WHAT IS THE VIG?
WHAT IS THE VIG?

1117
00:33:39,718 --> 00:33:41,385
WHAT IS THE VIG?
WHAT IS THE VIG?
WHAT DOES HE TAKE OFF THE TOP?

1118
00:33:41,387 --> 00:33:42,919
WHAT IS THE VIG?
WHAT DOES HE TAKE OFF THE TOP?
>> THERE'S NOT EVEN THAT MANY

1119
00:33:42,921 --> 00:33:43,720
WHAT DOES HE TAKE OFF THE TOP?
>> THERE'S NOT EVEN THAT MANY
JEWS IN VANCOUVER.

1120
00:33:43,722 --> 00:33:46,323
>> THERE'S NOT EVEN THAT MANY
JEWS IN VANCOUVER.
IF THERE WAS LIKE BROOKLYN OR

1121
00:33:46,325 --> 00:33:47,691
JEWS IN VANCOUVER.
IF THERE WAS LIKE BROOKLYN OR
SOMETHING I WOULD TOTALLY

1122
00:33:47,693 --> 00:33:50,027
IF THERE WAS LIKE BROOKLYN OR
SOMETHING I WOULD TOTALLY
UNDERSTAND IT.

1123
00:33:50,029 --> 00:33:50,627
SOMETHING I WOULD TOTALLY
UNDERSTAND IT.
THERE'S A VERY SMALL NUMBER OF

1124
00:33:50,629 --> 00:33:54,064
UNDERSTAND IT.
THERE'S A VERY SMALL NUMBER OF
JEWISH PEOPLE IN VANCOUVER.

1125
00:33:54,066 --> 00:33:55,532
THERE'S A VERY SMALL NUMBER OF
JEWISH PEOPLE IN VANCOUVER.
IT'S TOTALLY CRAZY.

1126
00:33:55,534 --> 00:33:56,166
JEWISH PEOPLE IN VANCOUVER.
IT'S TOTALLY CRAZY.
AND, SO, HE PICKED ME UP IN HIS

1127
00:33:56,168 --> 00:33:58,402
IT'S TOTALLY CRAZY.
AND, SO, HE PICKED ME UP IN HIS
FERRARI.

1128
00:33:58,404 --> 00:33:59,703
AND, SO, HE PICKED ME UP IN HIS
FERRARI.
WE GO TO A COFFEE SHOP, AND I GO

1129
00:33:59,705 --> 00:34:02,239
FERRARI.
WE GO TO A COFFEE SHOP, AND I GO
OVER THE JOKES WITH HIM, AND HE

1130
00:34:02,241 --> 00:34:03,707
WE GO TO A COFFEE SHOP, AND I GO
OVER THE JOKES WITH HIM, AND HE
FIRST SAYS, THOUGH, HE'S, LIKE,

1131
00:34:03,709 --> 00:34:06,476
OVER THE JOKES WITH HIM, AND HE
FIRST SAYS, THOUGH, HE'S, LIKE,
I ONLY WANT TO PAY YOU FOR THE

1132
00:34:06,478 --> 00:34:07,711
FIRST SAYS, THOUGH, HE'S, LIKE,
I ONLY WANT TO PAY YOU FOR THE
JOKES I'M GOING TO USE, WHICH

1133
00:34:07,713 --> 00:34:08,278
I ONLY WANT TO PAY YOU FOR THE
JOKES I'M GOING TO USE, WHICH
WAS (<i> BLEEP</i> ) I THOUGHT.

1134
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:11,715
JOKES I'M GOING TO USE, WHICH
WAS (<i> BLEEP</i> ) I THOUGHT.
I WAS, LIKE, THAT'S GOING TO A

1135
00:34:11,717 --> 00:34:13,517
WAS (<i> BLEEP</i> ) I THOUGHT.
I WAS, LIKE, THAT'S GOING TO A
RESTAURANT AND SAY I'M ONLY

1136
00:34:13,519 --> 00:34:14,251
I WAS, LIKE, THAT'S GOING TO A
RESTAURANT AND SAY I'M ONLY
GOING TO PAY FOR WHAT I EAT

1137
00:34:14,253 --> 00:34:15,719
RESTAURANT AND SAY I'M ONLY
GOING TO PAY FOR WHAT I EAT
ULTIMATELY.

1138
00:34:15,721 --> 00:34:18,588
GOING TO PAY FOR WHAT I EAT
ULTIMATELY.
I SAID, YOU CAN'T DO THAT, YOU

1139
00:34:18,590 --> 00:34:19,723
ULTIMATELY.
I SAID, YOU CAN'T DO THAT, YOU
HAVE TO PAY FOR ALL OF IT.

1140
00:34:19,725 --> 00:34:23,693
I SAID, YOU CAN'T DO THAT, YOU
HAVE TO PAY FOR ALL OF IT.
AND HE HAS A FERRARI.

1141
00:34:23,695 --> 00:34:25,729
HAVE TO PAY FOR ALL OF IT.
AND HE HAS A FERRARI.
I WAS 14 YEARS OLD.

1142
00:34:25,731 --> 00:34:26,329
AND HE HAS A FERRARI.
I WAS 14 YEARS OLD.
SO IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE LIKE

1143
00:34:26,331 --> 00:34:27,731
I WAS 14 YEARS OLD.
SO IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE LIKE
ENTERING NEGOTIATIONS WITH A 14-

1144
00:34:27,733 --> 00:34:31,735
SO IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE LIKE
ENTERING NEGOTIATIONS WITH A 14-
YEAR-OLD OVER $500, DON'T DO IT

1145
00:34:31,737 --> 00:34:32,369
ENTERING NEGOTIATIONS WITH A 14-
YEAR-OLD OVER $500, DON'T DO IT
AFTER DRIVING TO COFFEE IN YOUR

1146
00:34:32,371 --> 00:34:35,705
YEAR-OLD OVER $500, DON'T DO IT
AFTER DRIVING TO COFFEE IN YOUR
FERRARI, IS ALL I WAS GOING TO

1147
00:34:35,707 --> 00:34:38,241
AFTER DRIVING TO COFFEE IN YOUR
FERRARI, IS ALL I WAS GOING TO
SAY, BECAUSE I WAS JUST LIKE

1148
00:34:38,243 --> 00:34:39,709
FERRARI, IS ALL I WAS GOING TO
SAY, BECAUSE I WAS JUST LIKE
(<i> BLEEP</i> ), NO, YOU'RE PAYING ME

1149
00:34:39,711 --> 00:34:42,779
SAY, BECAUSE I WAS JUST LIKE
(<i> BLEEP</i> ), NO, YOU'RE PAYING ME
THE $500 YOU KNOW ME.

1150
00:34:42,781 --> 00:34:43,713
(<i> BLEEP</i> ), NO, YOU'RE PAYING ME
THE $500 YOU KNOW ME.
HE DIDN'T HAVE IT ON HIM AND I

1151
00:34:43,715 --> 00:34:47,050
THE $500 YOU KNOW ME.
HE DIDN'T HAVE IT ON HIM AND I
MADE HIM DRIVE ME TO AN A.T.M.

1152
00:34:47,052 --> 00:34:47,651
HE DIDN'T HAVE IT ON HIM AND I
MADE HIM DRIVE ME TO AN A.T.M.
AND GET THE MONEY HE OWED ME.

1153
00:34:47,653 --> 00:34:48,285
MADE HIM DRIVE ME TO AN A.T.M.
AND GET THE MONEY HE OWED ME.
>> Stephen: DO YOU REMEMBER THE

1154
00:34:48,287 --> 00:34:50,253
AND GET THE MONEY HE OWED ME.
>> Stephen: DO YOU REMEMBER THE
JOKES?

1155
00:34:50,255 --> 00:34:55,725
>> Stephen: DO YOU REMEMBER THE
JOKES?
>> HE'LL BE THE COOLEST KID IN

1156
00:34:55,727 --> 00:34:59,696
JOKES?
>> HE'LL BE THE COOLEST KID IN
PRE-SCHOOL, NOT A LOT OF KIDS

1157
00:34:59,698 --> 00:35:02,232
>> HE'LL BE THE COOLEST KID IN
PRE-SCHOOL, NOT A LOT OF KIDS
HS AGE HAVE BEEN IN A KNIFE

1158
00:35:02,234 --> 00:35:07,704
PRE-SCHOOL, NOT A LOT OF KIDS
HS AGE HAVE BEEN IN A KNIFE
FIGHT.

1159
00:35:07,706 --> 00:35:10,674
HS AGE HAVE BEEN IN A KNIFE
FIGHT.
THERE WAS ONE, IT WAS, LIKE, HE

1160
00:35:10,676 --> 00:35:11,708
FIGHT.
THERE WAS ONE, IT WAS, LIKE, HE
WALKS OFFSTAGE AND HE'S LIKE

1161
00:35:11,710 --> 00:35:13,844
THERE WAS ONE, IT WAS, LIKE, HE
WALKS OFFSTAGE AND HE'S LIKE
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, I'VE JUST

1162
00:35:13,846 --> 00:35:14,411
WALKS OFFSTAGE AND HE'S LIKE
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, I'VE JUST
GOT TO OIL UP THE CHAINSAW.

1163
00:35:14,413 --> 00:35:15,712
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, I'VE JUST
GOT TO OIL UP THE CHAINSAW.
I SAID, THAT'S NOT A GOOD ONE.

1164
00:35:15,714 --> 00:35:17,414
GOT TO OIL UP THE CHAINSAW.
I SAID, THAT'S NOT A GOOD ONE.
HE LIKED THAT ONE.

1165
00:35:17,416 --> 00:35:18,115
I SAID, THAT'S NOT A GOOD ONE.
HE LIKED THAT ONE.
I SAID, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE

1166
00:35:18,117 --> 00:35:19,716
HE LIKED THAT ONE.
I SAID, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE
PICKING THE RIGHT ONES, TO BE

1167
00:35:19,718 --> 00:35:23,653
I SAID, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE
PICKING THE RIGHT ONES, TO BE
TOTALLY HONESTLY.

1168
00:35:23,655 --> 00:35:25,388
PICKING THE RIGHT ONES, TO BE
TOTALLY HONESTLY.
WHAT'S CRAZY IS I HONESTLY

1169
00:35:25,390 --> 00:35:26,256
TOTALLY HONESTLY.
WHAT'S CRAZY IS I HONESTLY
DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THIS SINCE I

1170
00:35:26,258 --> 00:35:27,724
WHAT'S CRAZY IS I HONESTLY
DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THIS SINCE I
WAS 14, THE LAST 25 YEARS,

1171
00:35:27,726 --> 00:35:30,861
DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THIS SINCE I
WAS 14, THE LAST 25 YEARS,
BASICALLY.

1172
00:35:30,863 --> 00:35:31,728
WAS 14, THE LAST 25 YEARS,
BASICALLY.
LAST YEAR, MY MOTHER WAS AT A

1173
00:35:31,730 --> 00:35:34,030
BASICALLY.
LAST YEAR, MY MOTHER WAS AT A
WEDDING SITTING NEXT TO THIS GUY

1174
00:35:34,032 --> 00:35:35,699
LAST YEAR, MY MOTHER WAS AT A
WEDDING SITTING NEXT TO THIS GUY
AT THE WEDDING BY COMPLETE

1175
00:35:35,701 --> 00:35:38,235
WEDDING SITTING NEXT TO THIS GUY
AT THE WEDDING BY COMPLETE
COINCIDENCE, THE MOIL, AND IT

1176
00:35:38,237 --> 00:35:39,703
AT THE WEDDING BY COMPLETE
COINCIDENCE, THE MOIL, AND IT
CAME UP, AND HE WAS, LIKE, DO

1177
00:35:39,705 --> 00:35:41,238
COINCIDENCE, THE MOIL, AND IT
CAME UP, AND HE WAS, LIKE, DO
YOU STILL TELL THE JOKES?

1178
00:35:41,240 --> 00:35:42,038
CAME UP, AND HE WAS, LIKE, DO
YOU STILL TELL THE JOKES?
HE'S, LIKE, I STILL USE ALL THE

1179
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:43,707
YOU STILL TELL THE JOKES?
HE'S, LIKE, I STILL USE ALL THE
JOKES IN EVERY SINGLE

1180
00:35:43,709 --> 00:35:47,577
HE'S, LIKE, I STILL USE ALL THE
JOKES IN EVERY SINGLE
CIRCUMCISION I DO.

1181
00:35:47,579 --> 00:35:48,211
JOKES IN EVERY SINGLE
CIRCUMCISION I DO.
SO 500 BUCKS FOR 25 YEARS WORTH

1182
00:35:48,213 --> 00:35:50,247
CIRCUMCISION I DO.
SO 500 BUCKS FOR 25 YEARS WORTH
OF JOKES IS PRETTY GOOD.

1183
00:35:50,249 --> 00:35:51,715
SO 500 BUCKS FOR 25 YEARS WORTH
OF JOKES IS PRETTY GOOD.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A GOOD DEAL.

1184
00:35:51,717 --> 00:35:55,719
OF JOKES IS PRETTY GOOD.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A GOOD DEAL.
WELL, THOSE STORIES AND MORE IN

1185
00:35:55,721 --> 00:35:58,255
>> Stephen: THAT'S A GOOD DEAL.
WELL, THOSE STORIES AND MORE IN
"YEAR BOOK" ON SALE NOW.

1186
00:35:58,257 --> 00:35:59,723
WELL, THOSE STORIES AND MORE IN
"YEAR BOOK" ON SALE NOW.
THE AUTHOR THE SETH ROGEN,

1187
00:35:59,725 --> 00:36:01,391
"YEAR BOOK" ON SALE NOW.
THE AUTHOR THE SETH ROGEN,
EVERYBODY:  THANKS, SETH.

1188
00:36:01,393 --> 00:36:02,225
THE AUTHOR THE SETH ROGEN,
EVERYBODY:  THANKS, SETH.
BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY JACK

1189
00:36:02,227 --> 00:36:03,693
EVERYBODY:  THANKS, SETH.
BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY JACK
INGRAM, MIRANDA LAMBERT AND JON

1190
00:36:03,695 --> 00:36:07,697
BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY JACK
INGRAM, MIRANDA LAMBERT AND JON
RANDALL.

1191
00:36:07,699 --> 00:36:08,732
INGRAM, MIRANDA LAMBERT AND JON
RANDALL.
♪ ♪ ♪

1192
00:36:14,105 --> 00:36:20,744
♪ ♪ ♪

1193
00:36:29,353 --> 00:36:32,122
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY.
PERFORMING "IN HIS ARMS" FROM

1194
00:36:32,124 --> 00:36:32,756
EVERYBODY.
PERFORMING "IN HIS ARMS" FROM
THEIR ALBUM, "THE MARFA TAPES,"

1195
00:36:32,758 --> 00:36:33,990
PERFORMING "IN HIS ARMS" FROM
THEIR ALBUM, "THE MARFA TAPES,"
JACK INGRAM, MIRANDA LAMBERT AND

1196
00:36:33,992 --> 00:36:37,961
THEIR ALBUM, "THE MARFA TAPES,"
JACK INGRAM, MIRANDA LAMBERT AND
JON RANDALL.

1197
00:36:37,963 --> 00:36:41,398
JACK INGRAM, MIRANDA LAMBERT AND
JON RANDALL.
♪ ♪ ♪

1198
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:41,965
JON RANDALL.
♪ ♪ ♪
(<i> ACOUSTIC GUITAR</i> )

1199
00:36:41,967 --> 00:36:45,969
♪ ♪ ♪
(<i> ACOUSTIC GUITAR</i> )
♪ ♪ ♪

1200
00:36:45,971 --> 00:36:56,012
(<i> ACOUSTIC GUITAR</i> )
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪

1201
00:36:56,014 --> 00:36:56,546
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ I'VE SEEN EL PASO

1202
00:36:56,548 --> 00:37:01,051
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ I'VE SEEN EL PASO
WHEN THE SKY WAS ON FIRE

1203
00:37:01,053 --> 00:37:01,985
♪ I'VE SEEN EL PASO
WHEN THE SKY WAS ON FIRE
♪ LOST A NIGHT IN JUAREZ

1204
00:37:01,987 --> 00:37:05,989
WHEN THE SKY WAS ON FIRE
♪ LOST A NIGHT IN JUAREZ
A COUPLE OF TIMES

1205
00:37:05,991 --> 00:37:08,058
♪ LOST A NIGHT IN JUAREZ
A COUPLE OF TIMES
♪ DANCED WITH A COWBOY

1206
00:37:08,060 --> 00:37:08,592
A COUPLE OF TIMES
♪ DANCED WITH A COWBOY
ON A STRAIGHT TEQUILA HIGH

1207
00:37:08,594 --> 00:37:09,993
♪ DANCED WITH A COWBOY
ON A STRAIGHT TEQUILA HIGH
♪ I WISH I WAS

1208
00:37:09,995 --> 00:37:25,008
ON A STRAIGHT TEQUILA HIGH
♪ I WISH I WAS
IN HIS ARMS TONIGHT

1209
00:37:25,010 --> 00:37:25,976
♪ I WISH I WAS
IN HIS ARMS TONIGHT
♪ I'VE BEEN A ROLLING STONE

1210
00:37:25,978 --> 00:37:29,379
IN HIS ARMS TONIGHT
♪ I'VE BEEN A ROLLING STONE
A TUMBLEWEED

1211
00:37:29,381 --> 00:37:29,980
♪ I'VE BEEN A ROLLING STONE
A TUMBLEWEED
♪ WAITING FOR THE RIGHT ONE

1212
00:37:29,982 --> 00:37:32,549
A TUMBLEWEED
♪ WAITING FOR THE RIGHT ONE
TO COME FIND ME

1213
00:37:32,551 --> 00:37:36,219
♪ WAITING FOR THE RIGHT ONE
TO COME FIND ME
♪ BUT THE WRONG ONE

1214
00:37:36,221 --> 00:37:37,487
TO COME FIND ME
♪ BUT THE WRONG ONE
ALWAYS SET ME FREE

1215
00:37:37,489 --> 00:37:37,988
♪ BUT THE WRONG ONE
ALWAYS SET ME FREE
♪ I WISH I WAS IN

1216
00:37:37,990 --> 00:37:41,992
ALWAYS SET ME FREE
♪ I WISH I WAS IN
HIS ARMS TONIGHT

1217
00:37:41,994 --> 00:37:44,527
♪ I WISH I WAS IN
HIS ARMS TONIGHT
♪ IS HE PLAYING IN SOME

1218
00:37:44,529 --> 00:37:45,962
HIS ARMS TONIGHT
♪ IS HE PLAYING IN SOME
HOUSE BAND IN DALLAS?

1219
00:37:45,964 --> 00:37:50,000
♪ IS HE PLAYING IN SOME
HOUSE BAND IN DALLAS?
♪ IS HE BREAKING HORSES

1220
00:37:50,002 --> 00:37:50,533
HOUSE BAND IN DALLAS?
♪ IS HE BREAKING HORSES
IN SAN ANTONE?

1221
00:37:50,535 --> 00:37:53,970
♪ IS HE BREAKING HORSES
IN SAN ANTONE?
♪ IS HE ALL ALONE

1222
00:37:53,972 --> 00:37:56,373
IN SAN ANTONE?
♪ IS HE ALL ALONE
IN THE NEON LIGHT?

1223
00:37:56,375 --> 00:37:56,773
♪ IS HE ALL ALONE
IN THE NEON LIGHT?
♪ I WISH I WAS IN

1224
00:37:56,775 --> 00:38:01,978
IN THE NEON LIGHT?
♪ I WISH I WAS IN
HIS ARMS TONIGHT

1225
00:38:01,980 --> 00:38:02,545
♪ I WISH I WAS IN
HIS ARMS TONIGHT
♪ ♪ ♪

1226
00:38:02,547 --> 00:38:08,551
HIS ARMS TONIGHT
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪

1227
00:38:08,553 --> 00:38:09,986
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪

1228
00:38:09,988 --> 00:38:20,597
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪

1229
00:38:20,599 --> 00:38:21,998
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
IS HE PRAYING FOR RAIN

1230
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:25,068
♪ ♪ ♪
IS HE PRAYING FOR RAIN
♪ OUT IN WEST TEXAS?

1231
00:38:25,070 --> 00:38:26,002
IS HE PRAYING FOR RAIN
♪ OUT IN WEST TEXAS?
IS HE LOST IN

1232
00:38:26,004 --> 00:38:30,006
♪ OUT IN WEST TEXAS?
IS HE LOST IN
♪ THE MARFA LIGHTS?

1233
00:38:30,008 --> 00:38:32,575
IS HE LOST IN
♪ THE MARFA LIGHTS?
IS HE OUT THERE LOOKING FOR ME?

1234
00:38:32,577 --> 00:38:37,380
♪ THE MARFA LIGHTS?
IS HE OUT THERE LOOKING FOR ME?
♪ WISHING I WAS IN HIS ARMS

1235
00:38:37,382 --> 00:38:38,014
IS HE OUT THERE LOOKING FOR ME?
♪ WISHING I WAS IN HIS ARMS
TONIGHT I WISH I WAS

1236
00:38:38,016 --> 00:38:42,018
♪ WISHING I WAS IN HIS ARMS
TONIGHT I WISH I WAS
♪ IN HIS ARMS TONIGHT ♪

1237
00:38:42,020 --> 00:38:50,026
TONIGHT I WISH I WAS
♪ IN HIS ARMS TONIGHT ♪
♪ ♪ ♪

1238
00:38:50,028 --> 00:38:52,996
♪ IN HIS ARMS TONIGHT ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪

1239
00:38:52,998 --> 00:38:53,997
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: JACK INGRAM, MIRANDA

1240
00:38:53,999 --> 00:38:56,566
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: JACK INGRAM, MIRANDA
LAMBERT, AND JON RANDALL,

1241
00:38:56,568 --> 00:38:58,668
>> Stephen: JACK INGRAM, MIRANDA
LAMBERT, AND JON RANDALL,
EVERYBODY WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

1242
00:39:10,648 --> 00:39:15,685
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "A
LATE SHOW."
GOOD NIGHT.

1243
00:39:16,487 --> 00:39:16,986
<font color="#ffff00"> Captioning sponsored by CBS</font>

1244
00:39:17,521 --> 00:39:30,033
Captioned by
<font color="#00ffff"> Media Access Group at WGBH</font>
access.wgbh.org

1245
00:39:30,035 --> 00:39:36,606
<font color="#00ffff"> Media Access Group at WGBH</font>
access.wgbh.org
♪ ♪ ♪

1246
00:39:36,608 --> 00:39:41,678
access.wgbh.org
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪

1247
00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:42,011
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1248
00:39:42,013 --> 00:39:46,015
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1249
00:39:46,017 --> 00:39:48,585
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1250
00:39:48,587 --> 00:39:54,023
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1251
00:39:54,025 --> 00:40:05,568
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