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<font color="#ffff00"> Captioning sponsored by CBS</font>
>> WE MOVE ON NOW TO MOUNTING
CONFUSION ACROSS THE COUNTRY

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00:00:07,742 --> 00:00:09,208
>> WE MOVE ON NOW TO MOUNTING
CONFUSION ACROSS THE COUNTRY
FOLLOWING THE C.D.C.'S NEW

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00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:09,775
CONFUSION ACROSS THE COUNTRY
FOLLOWING THE C.D.C.'S NEW
GUIDANCE THAT PEOPLE WHO ARE

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00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:12,511
FOLLOWING THE C.D.C.'S NEW
GUIDANCE THAT PEOPLE WHO ARE
FULLY VACCINATED CAN DITCH THE

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00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:13,278
GUIDANCE THAT PEOPLE WHO ARE
FULLY VACCINATED CAN DITCH THE
MASK IN MOST SETTINGS.

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FULLY VACCINATED CAN DITCH THE
MASK IN MOST SETTINGS.
AT LEAST 19 STATES NOW CHANGING

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00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:15,848
MASK IN MOST SETTINGS.
AT LEAST 19 STATES NOW CHANGING
THEIR MASK MANDATES.

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00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:16,682
AT LEAST 19 STATES NOW CHANGING
THEIR MASK MANDATES.
>> ACROSS THE COUNTRY, MANY ARE

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THEIR MASK MANDATES.
>> ACROSS THE COUNTRY, MANY ARE
STILL CONFUSED ABOUT THE NEW

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>> ACROSS THE COUNTRY, MANY ARE
STILL CONFUSED ABOUT THE NEW
GUIDELINES.

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00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:20,652
STILL CONFUSED ABOUT THE NEW
GUIDELINES.
>> MASK UP OR NO MASK NECESSARY?

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00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:21,487
GUIDELINES.
>> MASK UP OR NO MASK NECESSARY?
AMERICANS ARE QUITE SIMPLY

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>> MASK UP OR NO MASK NECESSARY?
AMERICANS ARE QUITE SIMPLY
CONFUSED AFTER THE C.D.C.'S

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00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:25,491
AMERICANS ARE QUITE SIMPLY
CONFUSED AFTER THE C.D.C.'S
ABRUPT CHANGE ON ITS MASK

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00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:29,495
CONFUSED AFTER THE C.D.C.'S
ABRUPT CHANGE ON ITS MASK
GUIDANCE.

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ABRUPT CHANGE ON ITS MASK
GUIDANCE.
>> PEOPLE OF GOTHAM!

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GUIDANCE.
>> PEOPLE OF GOTHAM!
<i> ( SCREAMING )</i>

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>> PEOPLE OF GOTHAM!
<i> ( SCREAMING )</i>
>> ARE WE WEARING THE MASKS OR

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<i> ( SCREAMING )</i>
>> ARE WE WEARING THE MASKS OR
NOT?

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>> ARE WE WEARING THE MASKS OR
NOT?
ANYONE ELSE HERE CONFUSED?

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NOT?
ANYONE ELSE HERE CONFUSED?
BATMAN, BEFORE YOU DIE, ARE WE

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ANYONE ELSE HERE CONFUSED?
BATMAN, BEFORE YOU DIE, ARE WE
DOING THIS MASKS ON OR OFF?

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BATMAN, BEFORE YOU DIE, ARE WE
DOING THIS MASKS ON OR OFF?
>> IT'S SAFER WITH THE MASK ON.

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DOING THIS MASKS ON OR OFF?
>> IT'S SAFER WITH THE MASK ON.
>> BUT YOUR MASK DOESN'T EVEN

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>> IT'S SAFER WITH THE MASK ON.
>> BUT YOUR MASK DOESN'T EVEN
COVER YOUR MOUTH.

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>> BUT YOUR MASK DOESN'T EVEN
COVER YOUR MOUTH.
>> I'M FULLY VACCINATED.

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COVER YOUR MOUTH.
>> I'M FULLY VACCINATED.
>> SO WERE THE NEW YORK YANKEES,

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>> I'M FULLY VACCINATED.
>> SO WERE THE NEW YORK YANKEES,
AD LOOK WHAT HAPPENED THERE.

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>> SO WERE THE NEW YORK YANKEES,
AD LOOK WHAT HAPPENED THERE.
GREAT, YOU'VE DAMAGED MY MASK!

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AD LOOK WHAT HAPPENED THERE.
GREAT, YOU'VE DAMAGED MY MASK!
NOW ALL THE COVID IS GETTING IN.

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GREAT, YOU'VE DAMAGED MY MASK!
NOW ALL THE COVID IS GETTING IN.
>> DON'T WORRY.

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NOW ALL THE COVID IS GETTING IN.
>> DON'T WORRY.
WE'RE OUTSIDE.

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>> DON'T WORRY.
WE'RE OUTSIDE.
>> OKAY, NOW WE'RE INSIDE.

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WE'RE OUTSIDE.
>> OKAY, NOW WE'RE INSIDE.
NOW WHAT DO THE GUIDELINES SAY?

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>> OKAY, NOW WE'RE INSIDE.
NOW WHAT DO THE GUIDELINES SAY?
>> I DON'T KNOW.

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NOW WHAT DO THE GUIDELINES SAY?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
THEY VARY STATE TO STATE.

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>> I DON'T KNOW.
THEY VARY STATE TO STATE.
>> YOU CAN'T KIDNAP ME, BANE!

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THEY VARY STATE TO STATE.
>> YOU CAN'T KIDNAP ME, BANE!
THE AIRLINE HAS A STRICT COVID

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>> YOU CAN'T KIDNAP ME, BANE!
THE AIRLINE HAS A STRICT COVID
POLICY AGAINST IT!

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THE AIRLINE HAS A STRICT COVID
POLICY AGAINST IT!
>> DON'T WORRY.

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POLICY AGAINST IT!
>> DON'T WORRY.
I FIGURED OUT A WAY TO KIDNAP

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>> DON'T WORRY.
I FIGURED OUT A WAY TO KIDNAP
YOU SAFELY.

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I FIGURED OUT A WAY TO KIDNAP
YOU SAFELY.
>> AAARRGGHH!

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YOU SAFELY.
>> AAARRGGHH!
>> ARE YOU WATCHING, C.D.C.!

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>> AAARRGGHH!
>> ARE YOU WATCHING, C.D.C.!
>> COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR

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>> ARE YOU WATCHING, C.D.C.!
>> COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR
YOU.

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>> COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR
YOU.
MAYBE.

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YOU.
MAYBE.
ARE THEATERS EVEN OPEN?

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MAYBE.
ARE THEATERS EVEN OPEN?
DO YOU HAVE TO WEAR A MASK, OR

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ARE THEATERS EVEN OPEN?
DO YOU HAVE TO WEAR A MASK, OR
SIT EVERY OTHER SEAT?

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DO YOU HAVE TO WEAR A MASK, OR
SIT EVERY OTHER SEAT?
JUST TELL US WHAT TO DO!

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>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW
WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT:

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WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT:
OUT OF COMMISSION.

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TONIGHT:
OUT OF COMMISSION.
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES

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OUT OF COMMISSION.
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES
MORGAN FREEMAN

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PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES
MORGAN FREEMAN
AND TIG NOTARO

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FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
HUMAN.

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AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM
THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE
BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S

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THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE
BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S
STEPHEN COLBERT!

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BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S
STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: HELLO!

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STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: HELLO!
LOOK AT YOU!

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>> Stephen: HELLO!
LOOK AT YOU!
HEY, WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

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LOOK AT YOU!
HEY, WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

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HEY, WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
FOLKS, WE BROADCAST THIS SHOW

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I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
FOLKS, WE BROADCAST THIS SHOW
FROM NEW YORK CITY, FROM A

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FOLKS, WE BROADCAST THIS SHOW
FROM NEW YORK CITY, FROM A
STORAGE CLOSET IN THE ED

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FROM NEW YORK CITY, FROM A
STORAGE CLOSET IN THE ED
SULLIVAN THEATER.

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STORAGE CLOSET IN THE ED
SULLIVAN THEATER.
BUT THAT STORAGE CLOSET ITSELF

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SULLIVAN THEATER.
BUT THAT STORAGE CLOSET ITSELF
IS INSIDE A LARGE AREA I LIKE TO

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BUT THAT STORAGE CLOSET ITSELF
IS INSIDE A LARGE AREA I LIKE TO
CALL "REALITY"-- A PLACE OUR

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IS INSIDE A LARGE AREA I LIKE TO
CALL "REALITY"-- A PLACE OUR
REPUBLICAN BROTHERS AND SISTERS

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CALL "REALITY"-- A PLACE OUR
REPUBLICAN BROTHERS AND SISTERS
HAVE CHOSEN TO NO LONGER

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REPUBLICAN BROTHERS AND SISTERS
HAVE CHOSEN TO NO LONGER
INHABIT, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT

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HAVE CHOSEN TO NO LONGER
INHABIT, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT
COMES TO THE 2020 ELECTION.

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INHABIT, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT
COMES TO THE 2020 ELECTION.
THEIR LIE THAT IT WAS STOLEN AND

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COMES TO THE 2020 ELECTION.
THEIR LIE THAT IT WAS STOLEN AND
THE INEVITABLE AFTERMATH: THE

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THEIR LIE THAT IT WAS STOLEN AND
THE INEVITABLE AFTERMATH: THE
JANUARY 6 CAPITOL RIOT.

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THE INEVITABLE AFTERMATH: THE
JANUARY 6 CAPITOL RIOT.
ONE REFUGEE FROM REALITY IS

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JANUARY 6 CAPITOL RIOT.
ONE REFUGEE FROM REALITY IS
HOUSE MINORITY LEADER KEVIN

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ONE REFUGEE FROM REALITY IS
HOUSE MINORITY LEADER KEVIN
McCARTHY, SEEN HERE AUCTIONING

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HOUSE MINORITY LEADER KEVIN
McCARTHY, SEEN HERE AUCTIONING
OFF HIS INTEGRITY.

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McCARTHY, SEEN HERE AUCTIONING
OFF HIS INTEGRITY.
TO INVESTIGATE THE CAPITOL RIOT,

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OFF HIS INTEGRITY.
TO INVESTIGATE THE CAPITOL RIOT,
NANCY PELOSI HAS, FOR MONTHS,

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TO INVESTIGATE THE CAPITOL RIOT,
NANCY PELOSI HAS, FOR MONTHS,
BEEN TRYING TO PUT TOGETHER A

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NANCY PELOSI HAS, FOR MONTHS,
BEEN TRYING TO PUT TOGETHER A
BIPARTISAN COMMISSION, SIMILAR

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BEEN TRYING TO PUT TOGETHER A
BIPARTISAN COMMISSION, SIMILAR
TO THE 9/11 COMMISSION.

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BIPARTISAN COMMISSION, SIMILAR
TO THE 9/11 COMMISSION.
McCARTHY DEMANDED THAT

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TO THE 9/11 COMMISSION.
McCARTHY DEMANDED THAT
REPUBLICANS HAVE EQUAL

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McCARTHY DEMANDED THAT
REPUBLICANS HAVE EQUAL
REPRESENTATION AND EQUAL ABILITY

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REPUBLICANS HAVE EQUAL
REPRESENTATION AND EQUAL ABILITY
TO SUBPOENA WITNESSES.

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REPRESENTATION AND EQUAL ABILITY
TO SUBPOENA WITNESSES.
WELL, LAST WEEK, THE DEMOCRATS

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TO SUBPOENA WITNESSES.
WELL, LAST WEEK, THE DEMOCRATS
SAID, OKAY.

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WELL, LAST WEEK, THE DEMOCRATS
SAID, OKAY.
AND TODAY, KEVIN McCARTHY

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SAID, OKAY.
AND TODAY, KEVIN McCARTHY
ANNOUNCED THAT HE OPPOSES A

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AND TODAY, KEVIN McCARTHY
ANNOUNCED THAT HE OPPOSES A
BIPARTISAN COMMISSION ON THE

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ANNOUNCED THAT HE OPPOSES A
BIPARTISAN COMMISSION ON THE
CAPITOL RIOT.

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BIPARTISAN COMMISSION ON THE
CAPITOL RIOT.
THERE YOU GO.

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CAPITOL RIOT.
THERE YOU GO.
MOTTO FOR 9/11 WAS "NEVER

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THERE YOU GO.
MOTTO FOR 9/11 WAS "NEVER
FORGET."

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MOTTO FOR 9/11 WAS "NEVER
FORGET."
FOR JANUARY 6, THE G.O.P.'S

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FORGET."
FOR JANUARY 6, THE G.O.P.'S
GOING WITH "FUGGEDABOUTIT."

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FOR JANUARY 6, THE G.O.P.'S
GOING WITH "FUGGEDABOUTIT."
MAKE NO MISTAKE, McCARTHY

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GOING WITH "FUGGEDABOUTIT."
MAKE NO MISTAKE, McCARTHY
OPPOSES THIS COMMISSION BECAUSE

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MAKE NO MISTAKE, McCARTHY
OPPOSES THIS COMMISSION BECAUSE
HE KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO

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OPPOSES THIS COMMISSION BECAUSE
HE KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO
FIND.

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HE KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO
FIND.
THE CAPITOL RIOT WAS PERPETRATED

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FIND.
THE CAPITOL RIOT WAS PERPETRATED
BY HIS PARTY'S FOLLOWERS AT THE

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THE CAPITOL RIOT WAS PERPETRATED
BY HIS PARTY'S FOLLOWERS AT THE
BEHEST OF A PRESIDENT HE

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BY HIS PARTY'S FOLLOWERS AT THE
BEHEST OF A PRESIDENT HE
SUPPORTED, BASED ON AN ELECTION

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BEHEST OF A PRESIDENT HE
SUPPORTED, BASED ON AN ELECTION
LIE McCARTHY HIMSELF HELPED

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SUPPORTED, BASED ON AN ELECTION
LIE McCARTHY HIMSELF HELPED
SPREAD.

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LIE McCARTHY HIMSELF HELPED
SPREAD.
IT'S THE SAME REASON I OPPOSED

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SPREAD.
IT'S THE SAME REASON I OPPOSED
MY WIFE'S BIPARTISAN COMMISSION

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IT'S THE SAME REASON I OPPOSED
MY WIFE'S BIPARTISAN COMMISSION
ON WHO ATE THE LAST SLICE OF

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MY WIFE'S BIPARTISAN COMMISSION
ON WHO ATE THE LAST SLICE OF
PIZZA.

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ON WHO ATE THE LAST SLICE OF
PIZZA.
EVIE, IT IS TIME FOR AMERICA TO

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PIZZA.
EVIE, IT IS TIME FOR AMERICA TO
MOVE ON.

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EVIE, IT IS TIME FOR AMERICA TO
MOVE ON.
AND ORDER ANOTHER PIZZA.

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MOVE ON.
AND ORDER ANOTHER PIZZA.
ANOTHER REASON McCARTHY IS

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AND ORDER ANOTHER PIZZA.
ANOTHER REASON McCARTHY IS
-- I'M NOT GOING TO PITCH IN

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ANOTHER REASON McCARTHY IS
-- I'M NOT GOING TO PITCH IN
BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T WANT TO

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-- I'M NOT GOING TO PITCH IN
BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T WANT TO
EAT ANY.

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BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T WANT TO
EAT ANY.
ANOTHER REASON McCARTHY IS

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EAT ANY.
ANOTHER REASON McCARTHY IS
AGAINST THIS IS THAT HE COULD

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00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,204
ANOTHER REASON McCARTHY IS
AGAINST THIS IS THAT HE COULD
POTENTIALLY BE CALLED AS A

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00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:00,005
AGAINST THIS IS THAT HE COULD
POTENTIALLY BE CALLED AS A
WITNESS, BECAUSE ON JANUARY 6,

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POTENTIALLY BE CALLED AS A
WITNESS, BECAUSE ON JANUARY 6,
McCARTHY CALLED PRESIDENT SWEET

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00:04:01,308 --> 00:04:01,940
WITNESS, BECAUSE ON JANUARY 6,
McCARTHY CALLED PRESIDENT SWEET
'N SAURON AND BEGGED HIM TO CALL

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00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,909
McCARTHY CALLED PRESIDENT SWEET
'N SAURON AND BEGGED HIM TO CALL
OFF THE MAGA MOB, BUT INSTEAD,

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00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:05,244
'N SAURON AND BEGGED HIM TO CALL
OFF THE MAGA MOB, BUT INSTEAD,
THE PREZ REPLIED, "WELL, KEVIN,

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00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:05,844
OFF THE MAGA MOB, BUT INSTEAD,
THE PREZ REPLIED, "WELL, KEVIN,
I GUESS THESE PEOPLE ARE MORE

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00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:08,914
THE PREZ REPLIED, "WELL, KEVIN,
I GUESS THESE PEOPLE ARE MORE
UPSET ABOUT THE ELECTION THAN

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00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:09,514
I GUESS THESE PEOPLE ARE MORE
UPSET ABOUT THE ELECTION THAN
YOU ARE."

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00:04:09,516 --> 00:04:10,782
UPSET ABOUT THE ELECTION THAN
YOU ARE."
YET, McCARTHY STILL DEFENDS HIM.

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00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,150
YOU ARE."
YET, McCARTHY STILL DEFENDS HIM.
FORGET THE RIOT.

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00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:13,485
YET, McCARTHY STILL DEFENDS HIM.
FORGET THE RIOT.
WE NEED A BIPARTISAN COMMISSION

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00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:15,887
FORGET THE RIOT.
WE NEED A BIPARTISAN COMMISSION
TO FIND KEVIN'S BALLS.

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00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,556
WE NEED A BIPARTISAN COMMISSION
TO FIND KEVIN'S BALLS.
OBVIOUSLY, McCARTHY CAN'T JUST

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00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:19,891
TO FIND KEVIN'S BALLS.
OBVIOUSLY, McCARTHY CAN'T JUST
ISSUE AN OFFICIAL STATEMENT THAT

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00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,493
OBVIOUSLY, McCARTHY CAN'T JUST
ISSUE AN OFFICIAL STATEMENT THAT
SAYS, "I HEART THE COUP."

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00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:22,094
ISSUE AN OFFICIAL STATEMENT THAT
SAYS, "I HEART THE COUP."
SO INSTEAD, HE CAME UP WITH A

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00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:24,930
SAYS, "I HEART THE COUP."
SO INSTEAD, HE CAME UP WITH A
BUNCH OF BOGUS EXCUSES WHY HIS

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00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:25,497
SO INSTEAD, HE CAME UP WITH A
BUNCH OF BOGUS EXCUSES WHY HIS
OPPOSITION WAS ALL NANCY

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00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:27,899
BUNCH OF BOGUS EXCUSES WHY HIS
OPPOSITION WAS ALL NANCY
PELOSI'S FAULT, LIKE FOR MONTHS,

145
00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:29,501
OPPOSITION WAS ALL NANCY
PELOSI'S FAULT, LIKE FOR MONTHS,
THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE REFUSED

146
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:31,637
PELOSI'S FAULT, LIKE FOR MONTHS,
THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE REFUSED
TO NEGOTIATE IN GOOD FAITH, AND

147
00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:33,505
THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE REFUSED
TO NEGOTIATE IN GOOD FAITH, AND
"WHILE THE SPEAKER HAS WASTED

148
00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:37,509
TO NEGOTIATE IN GOOD FAITH, AND
"WHILE THE SPEAKER HAS WASTED
TIME PLAYING POLITICAL GAMES..."

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00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:37,976
"WHILE THE SPEAKER HAS WASTED
TIME PLAYING POLITICAL GAMES..."
YES, POLITICAL GAMES.

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00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,044
TIME PLAYING POLITICAL GAMES..."
YES, POLITICAL GAMES.
PELOSI'S PLAYING CHESS WHILE THE

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00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:39,911
YES, POLITICAL GAMES.
PELOSI'S PLAYING CHESS WHILE THE
G.O.P. IS PLAYING A DANGEROUS

152
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:42,781
PELOSI'S PLAYING CHESS WHILE THE
G.O.P. IS PLAYING A DANGEROUS
GAME OF "NAHTZEE."

153
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,383
G.O.P. IS PLAYING A DANGEROUS
GAME OF "NAHTZEE."
BUT McCARTHY'S CORE PRETEND

154
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:45,517
GAME OF "NAHTZEE."
BUT McCARTHY'S CORE PRETEND
REASON FOR OPPOSING THE

155
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:48,253
BUT McCARTHY'S CORE PRETEND
REASON FOR OPPOSING THE
INVESTIGATION IS THAT THE

156
00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:49,488
REASON FOR OPPOSING THE
INVESTIGATION IS THAT THE
COMMISSION IGNORES THE POLITICAL

157
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:50,922
INVESTIGATION IS THAT THE
COMMISSION IGNORES THE POLITICAL
VIOLENCE THAT HAS STRUCK

158
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:51,890
COMMISSION IGNORES THE POLITICAL
VIOLENCE THAT HAS STRUCK
AMERICAN CITIES-- A REPUBLICAN

159
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,492
VIOLENCE THAT HAS STRUCK
AMERICAN CITIES-- A REPUBLICAN
CONGRESSIONAL BASEBALL PRACTICE,

160
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,560
AMERICAN CITIES-- A REPUBLICAN
CONGRESSIONAL BASEBALL PRACTICE,
AND, MOST RECENTLY, THE DEADLY

161
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:57,496
CONGRESSIONAL BASEBALL PRACTICE,
AND, MOST RECENTLY, THE DEADLY
ATTACK ON CAPITOL POLICE ON

162
00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:57,896
AND, MOST RECENTLY, THE DEADLY
ATTACK ON CAPITOL POLICE ON
APRIL 2, 2021.

163
00:04:57,898 --> 00:05:01,500
ATTACK ON CAPITOL POLICE ON
APRIL 2, 2021.
SURE, EVERYONE KNOWS YOU CAN'T

164
00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:05,504
APRIL 2, 2021.
SURE, EVERYONE KNOWS YOU CAN'T
INVESTIGATE ONE CRIME WITHOUT

165
00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:07,673
SURE, EVERYONE KNOWS YOU CAN'T
INVESTIGATE ONE CRIME WITHOUT
INVESTIGATING EVERY OTHER CRIME.

166
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:08,307
INVESTIGATE ONE CRIME WITHOUT
INVESTIGATING EVERY OTHER CRIME.
IT'S THE PREMISE OF THE NEW DICK

167
00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:09,474
INVESTIGATING EVERY OTHER CRIME.
IT'S THE PREMISE OF THE NEW DICK
WOLF SERIES, "LAW & ORDER:

168
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:10,108
IT'S THE PREMISE OF THE NEW DICK
WOLF SERIES, "LAW & ORDER:
THIS IS GOING TO TAKE A WHILE."

169
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:14,513
WOLF SERIES, "LAW & ORDER:
THIS IS GOING TO TAKE A WHILE."
<i> ( DUN-DUN )</i>

170
00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:17,215
THIS IS GOING TO TAKE A WHILE."
<i> ( DUN-DUN )</i>
NOT AS LONG AS THAT SOUND EFFECT

171
00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:19,618
<i> ( DUN-DUN )</i>
NOT AS LONG AS THAT SOUND EFFECT
TOOK, BUT STILL A LONG TIME.

172
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:20,419
NOT AS LONG AS THAT SOUND EFFECT
TOOK, BUT STILL A LONG TIME.
McCARTHY'S NOT THE ONLY ONE

173
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:21,453
TOOK, BUT STILL A LONG TIME.
McCARTHY'S NOT THE ONLY ONE
WHO'S DECIDING TO FORGET HOW HE

174
00:05:21,455 --> 00:05:21,887
McCARTHY'S NOT THE ONLY ONE
WHO'S DECIDING TO FORGET HOW HE
FELT ON JANUARY 6.

175
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:24,156
WHO'S DECIDING TO FORGET HOW HE
FELT ON JANUARY 6.
SO IS GEORGIA CONGRESSMAN AND

176
00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:25,490
FELT ON JANUARY 6.
SO IS GEORGIA CONGRESSMAN AND
MAN WHOSE SMILE IS CLINICALLY

177
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,793
SO IS GEORGIA CONGRESSMAN AND
MAN WHOSE SMILE IS CLINICALLY
DEPRESSED, ANDREW CLYDE.

178
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:28,427
MAN WHOSE SMILE IS CLINICALLY
DEPRESSED, ANDREW CLYDE.
LAST WEEK, CLYDE SAID THIS ABOUT

179
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:30,395
DEPRESSED, ANDREW CLYDE.
LAST WEEK, CLYDE SAID THIS ABOUT
CAPITOL RIOTERS:

180
00:05:30,397 --> 00:05:31,930
LAST WEEK, CLYDE SAID THIS ABOUT
CAPITOL RIOTERS:
>> WATCHING THE TV FOOTAGE OF

181
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:33,498
CAPITOL RIOTERS:
>> WATCHING THE TV FOOTAGE OF
THOSE WHO ENTERED THE CAPITOL

182
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,367
>> WATCHING THE TV FOOTAGE OF
THOSE WHO ENTERED THE CAPITOL
AND WALKED THROUGH STATUARY

183
00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:36,501
THOSE WHO ENTERED THE CAPITOL
AND WALKED THROUGH STATUARY
HALL, SHOWED PEOPLE IN AN

184
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:37,302
AND WALKED THROUGH STATUARY
HALL, SHOWED PEOPLE IN AN
ORDERLY FASHION STAYING BETWEEN

185
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:37,936
HALL, SHOWED PEOPLE IN AN
ORDERLY FASHION STAYING BETWEEN
THE STANCHIONS AND ROPES, TAKING

186
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,905
ORDERLY FASHION STAYING BETWEEN
THE STANCHIONS AND ROPES, TAKING
VIDEOS AND PICTURES.

187
00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:41,506
THE STANCHIONS AND ROPES, TAKING
VIDEOS AND PICTURES.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW THE

188
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:44,309
VIDEOS AND PICTURES.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW THE
TV FOOTAGE WAS A VIDEO FROM

189
00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:45,043
YOU KNOW, IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW THE
TV FOOTAGE WAS A VIDEO FROM
JANUARY THE 6th, YOU WOULD

190
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:45,644
TV FOOTAGE WAS A VIDEO FROM
JANUARY THE 6th, YOU WOULD
ACTUALLY THINK IT WAS A NORMAL

191
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:48,113
JANUARY THE 6th, YOU WOULD
ACTUALLY THINK IT WAS A NORMAL
TOURIST VISIT.

192
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:51,383
ACTUALLY THINK IT WAS A NORMAL
TOURIST VISIT.
>> Stephen: OKAY...

193
00:05:51,385 --> 00:05:51,950
TOURIST VISIT.
>> Stephen: OKAY...
BUT NOW A COUPLE PICTURES ON

194
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:53,485
>> Stephen: OKAY...
BUT NOW A COUPLE PICTURES ON
JANUARY 6 HAVE SURFACED.

195
00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,954
BUT NOW A COUPLE PICTURES ON
JANUARY 6 HAVE SURFACED.
ONE SHOWS THE CONGRESSMAN

196
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,489
JANUARY 6 HAVE SURFACED.
ONE SHOWS THE CONGRESSMAN
BARRICADING THE DOOR OF THE

197
00:05:57,491 --> 00:05:58,123
ONE SHOWS THE CONGRESSMAN
BARRICADING THE DOOR OF THE
HOUSE CHAMBER, AND ANOTHER SHOWS

198
00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,359
BARRICADING THE DOOR OF THE
HOUSE CHAMBER, AND ANOTHER SHOWS
HIS TERRIFIED REACTION.

199
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,159
HOUSE CHAMBER, AND ANOTHER SHOWS
HIS TERRIFIED REACTION.
BUT THAT COULD STILL BE A

200
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:01,660
HIS TERRIFIED REACTION.
BUT THAT COULD STILL BE A
PICTURE OF A TOUR GUIDE.

201
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:09,267
BUT THAT COULD STILL BE A
PICTURE OF A TOUR GUIDE.
<i> ( AS PANICKED TOUR GUIDE )</i>

202
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:09,801
PICTURE OF A TOUR GUIDE.
<i> ( AS PANICKED TOUR GUIDE )</i>
"THE GIFT SHOP'S THAT WAY!

203
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,970
<i> ( AS PANICKED TOUR GUIDE )</i>
"THE GIFT SHOP'S THAT WAY!
BUY A MAGNET FOR YOUR GRANDMA!

204
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,105
"THE GIFT SHOP'S THAT WAY!
BUY A MAGNET FOR YOUR GRANDMA!
WE'RE WALKING, AND WE'RE

205
00:06:13,107 --> 00:06:13,505
BUY A MAGNET FOR YOUR GRANDMA!
WE'RE WALKING, AND WE'RE
WALKING."

206
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,907
WE'RE WALKING, AND WE'RE
WALKING."
NOWHERE HAVE REPUBLICANS HELD ON

207
00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:17,376
WALKING."
NOWHERE HAVE REPUBLICANS HELD ON
TO THE BIG LIE MORE FERVENTLY

208
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:18,009
NOWHERE HAVE REPUBLICANS HELD ON
TO THE BIG LIE MORE FERVENTLY
THAN THE GREAT STATE OF ARIZONA,

209
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:21,079
TO THE BIG LIE MORE FERVENTLY
THAN THE GREAT STATE OF ARIZONA,
WHERE STATE SENATE REPUBLICANS

210
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:21,713
THAN THE GREAT STATE OF ARIZONA,
WHERE STATE SENATE REPUBLICANS
HIRED A FIRM CALLED CYBER NINJAS

211
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,383
WHERE STATE SENATE REPUBLICANS
HIRED A FIRM CALLED CYBER NINJAS
TO DO A NON-OFFICIAL AUDIT OF

212
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:25,484
HIRED A FIRM CALLED CYBER NINJAS
TO DO A NON-OFFICIAL AUDIT OF
MARICOPA COUNTY.

213
00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:27,919
TO DO A NON-OFFICIAL AUDIT OF
MARICOPA COUNTY.
AMONG OTHER THINGS, THE CYBER

214
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:29,488
MARICOPA COUNTY.
AMONG OTHER THINGS, THE CYBER
NINJAS CONDUCTED A FORENSIC

215
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:33,492
AMONG OTHER THINGS, THE CYBER
NINJAS CONDUCTED A FORENSIC
ANALYSIS OF BALLOTS TO DETERMINE

216
00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:34,926
NINJAS CONDUCTED A FORENSIC
ANALYSIS OF BALLOTS TO DETERMINE
IF THE PAPER WAS MADE OF BAMBOO,

217
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:37,496
ANALYSIS OF BALLOTS TO DETERMINE
IF THE PAPER WAS MADE OF BAMBOO,
IN ORDER TO DETERMINE WHETHER OR

218
00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:39,931
IF THE PAPER WAS MADE OF BAMBOO,
IN ORDER TO DETERMINE WHETHER OR
NOT IT CAME FROM CHINA.

219
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:41,366
IN ORDER TO DETERMINE WHETHER OR
NOT IT CAME FROM CHINA.
OF COURSE, ALL PAPER FROM CHINA

220
00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:42,000
NOT IT CAME FROM CHINA.
OF COURSE, ALL PAPER FROM CHINA
IS MADE OF BAMBOO, JUST LIKE ALL

221
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:45,437
OF COURSE, ALL PAPER FROM CHINA
IS MADE OF BAMBOO, JUST LIKE ALL
THE NEWSPAPERS IN ITALY ARE

222
00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:45,904
IS MADE OF BAMBOO, JUST LIKE ALL
THE NEWSPAPERS IN ITALY ARE
PRINTED ON PROSCIUTTO.

223
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:48,106
THE NEWSPAPERS IN ITALY ARE
PRINTED ON PROSCIUTTO.
BUT NOW, EVEN REPUBLICANS IN

224
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,274
PRINTED ON PROSCIUTTO.
BUT NOW, EVEN REPUBLICANS IN
ARIZONA ARE ASKING TO GET OFF

225
00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:49,775
BUT NOW, EVEN REPUBLICANS IN
ARIZONA ARE ASKING TO GET OFF
THE CRAZY TRAIN, BECAUSE

226
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:51,977
ARIZONA ARE ASKING TO GET OFF
THE CRAZY TRAIN, BECAUSE
YESTERDAY, THE

227
00:06:51,979 --> 00:07:00,719
THE CRAZY TRAIN, BECAUSE
YESTERDAY, THE
REPUBLICAN-DOMINATED MARICOPA

228
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:01,453
YESTERDAY, THE
REPUBLICAN-DOMINATED MARICOPA
COUNTY BOARD OF SUPERVISORS

229
00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:02,220
REPUBLICAN-DOMINATED MARICOPA
COUNTY BOARD OF SUPERVISORS
DENOUNCED AN ONGOING AUDIT OF

230
00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:03,054
COUNTY BOARD OF SUPERVISORS
DENOUNCED AN ONGOING AUDIT OF
THE 2020 ELECTION VOTE AS A

231
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:03,755
DENOUNCED AN ONGOING AUDIT OF
THE 2020 ELECTION VOTE AS A
"SHAM" AND A "CON."

232
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:04,389
THE 2020 ELECTION VOTE AS A
"SHAM" AND A "CON."
IT'S THE BIGGEST CON TO COME OUT

233
00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:05,490
"SHAM" AND A "CON."
IT'S THE BIGGEST CON TO COME OUT
OF ARIZONA SINCE THEY STARTED

234
00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:09,094
IT'S THE BIGGEST CON TO COME OUT
OF ARIZONA SINCE THEY STARTED
SAYING, "BUT IT'S A DRY HEAT."

235
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:09,661
OF ARIZONA SINCE THEY STARTED
SAYING, "BUT IT'S A DRY HEAT."
OKAY, IT'S STILL 113 DEGREES

236
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:10,862
SAYING, "BUT IT'S A DRY HEAT."
OKAY, IT'S STILL 113 DEGREES
OUT, WHICH MEANS IT GETS PLENTY

237
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,498
OKAY, IT'S STILL 113 DEGREES
OUT, WHICH MEANS IT GETS PLENTY
HUMID AROUND MY "FLAGSTAFF," IF

238
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:14,232
OUT, WHICH MEANS IT GETS PLENTY
HUMID AROUND MY "FLAGSTAFF," IF
YOU CATCH MY DRIFT.

239
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:20,205
HUMID AROUND MY "FLAGSTAFF," IF
YOU CATCH MY DRIFT.
AND MY WHIFF.

240
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:21,506
YOU CATCH MY DRIFT.
AND MY WHIFF.
WHAT PUT THE ARIZONA G.O.P. OVER

241
00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:23,642
AND MY WHIFF.
WHAT PUT THE ARIZONA G.O.P. OVER
THE EDGE?

242
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:24,810
WHAT PUT THE ARIZONA G.O.P. OVER
THE EDGE?
WELL, IT MAY BE THE LATEST

243
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:25,477
THE EDGE?
WELL, IT MAY BE THE LATEST
CONSPIRACY THEORY, WHICH IS--

244
00:07:25,479 --> 00:07:27,946
WELL, IT MAY BE THE LATEST
CONSPIRACY THEORY, WHICH IS--
AND STICK WITH ME HERE-- THAT IN

245
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:28,880
CONSPIRACY THEORY, WHICH IS--
AND STICK WITH ME HERE-- THAT IN
THE 2020 ELECTION, STATE

246
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:29,481
AND STICK WITH ME HERE-- THAT IN
THE 2020 ELECTION, STATE
ELECTION OFFICIALS SHREDDED

247
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:31,716
THE 2020 ELECTION, STATE
ELECTION OFFICIALS SHREDDED
THEIR BALLOTS AND FED THEM TO

248
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:33,485
ELECTION OFFICIALS SHREDDED
THEIR BALLOTS AND FED THEM TO
CHICKENS.

249
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:36,621
THEIR BALLOTS AND FED THEM TO
CHICKENS.
THAT'S RIGHT, CHICKENS.

250
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:37,489
CHICKENS.
THAT'S RIGHT, CHICKENS.
LOOKS LIKE THIS IS A CASE,

251
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:39,958
THAT'S RIGHT, CHICKENS.
LOOKS LIKE THIS IS A CASE,
OF FOWL PLAY.

252
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,493
LOOKS LIKE THIS IS A CASE,
OF FOWL PLAY.
<i> ( OPENING SCREAM FROM THE WHO'S</i>

253
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:45,497
OF FOWL PLAY.
<i> ( OPENING SCREAM FROM THE WHO'S</i>
<i> "WON'T GET FOOLED AGAIN." )</i>

254
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:46,298
<i> ( OPENING SCREAM FROM THE WHO'S</i>
<i> "WON'T GET FOOLED AGAIN." )</i>
OKAY.

255
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,467
<i> "WON'T GET FOOLED AGAIN." )</i>
OKAY.
MAYBE THAT'S THE LAST TIME.

256
00:07:48,469 --> 00:07:49,501
OKAY.
MAYBE THAT'S THE LAST TIME.
<i> (  LAUGHTER  )</i>

257
00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:50,869
MAYBE THAT'S THE LAST TIME.
<i> (  LAUGHTER  )</i>
OKAY.

258
00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:57,509
<i> (  LAUGHTER  )</i>
OKAY.
TO RECAP: THE DEMOCRATS FED

259
00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:58,009
OKAY.
TO RECAP: THE DEMOCRATS FED
THE BALLOTS TO CHICKENS.

260
00:07:58,011 --> 00:07:59,144
TO RECAP: THE DEMOCRATS FED
THE BALLOTS TO CHICKENS.
PERFECT CRIME, RIGHT?

261
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,378
THE BALLOTS TO CHICKENS.
PERFECT CRIME, RIGHT?
WRONG.

262
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:01,480
PERFECT CRIME, RIGHT?
WRONG.
IT GETS "PERFECTER."

263
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:03,949
WRONG.
IT GETS "PERFECTER."
BECAUSE THE CHICKENS MIGHT

264
00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:04,850
IT GETS "PERFECTER."
BECAUSE THE CHICKENS MIGHT
SQUAWK.

265
00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:05,484
BECAUSE THE CHICKENS MIGHT
SQUAWK.
THE CONSPIRACY THEORY SAYS THAT

266
00:08:05,486 --> 00:08:07,185
SQUAWK.
THE CONSPIRACY THEORY SAYS THAT
AFTER THEY FED THE BALLOTS TO

267
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:07,986
THE CONSPIRACY THEORY SAYS THAT
AFTER THEY FED THE BALLOTS TO
THE CHICKENS, THE OFFICIALS THEN

268
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,488
AFTER THEY FED THE BALLOTS TO
THE CHICKENS, THE OFFICIALS THEN
HAD THE CHICKENS INCINERATED TO

269
00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:11,189
THE CHICKENS, THE OFFICIALS THEN
HAD THE CHICKENS INCINERATED TO
COVER UP THE EVIDENCE.

270
00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:13,492
HAD THE CHICKENS INCINERATED TO
COVER UP THE EVIDENCE.
THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE.

271
00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:15,060
COVER UP THE EVIDENCE.
THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE.
YOU CAN'T JUST BURN PAPER.

272
00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:15,961
THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE.
YOU CAN'T JUST BURN PAPER.
YOU NEED AN ACCELERANT, LIKE

273
00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:19,564
YOU CAN'T JUST BURN PAPER.
YOU NEED AN ACCELERANT, LIKE
CHICKEN.

274
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:20,165
YOU NEED AN ACCELERANT, LIKE
CHICKEN.
IT REMINDS ME OF THE OLD JOKE:

275
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,500
CHICKEN.
IT REMINDS ME OF THE OLD JOKE:
"WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE

276
00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:24,436
IT REMINDS ME OF THE OLD JOKE:
"WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE
ROAD?

277
00:08:24,438 --> 00:08:25,504
"WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE
ROAD?
BECAUSE THERE WAS A FURNACE ON

278
00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:28,974
ROAD?
BECAUSE THERE WAS A FURNACE ON
THE OTHER SIDE, AND HE'D JUST

279
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:29,608
BECAUSE THERE WAS A FURNACE ON
THE OTHER SIDE, AND HE'D JUST
EATEN A BUNCH OF BALLOTS AND WAS

280
00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:30,775
THE OTHER SIDE, AND HE'D JUST
EATEN A BUNCH OF BALLOTS AND WAS
HELPING THE DEMOCRATS COVER UP

281
00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:31,510
EATEN A BUNCH OF BALLOTS AND WAS
HELPING THE DEMOCRATS COVER UP
THEIR CRIME.

282
00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:33,011
HELPING THE DEMOCRATS COVER UP
THEIR CRIME.
THE CHICKEN-BURNERS AREN'T THE

283
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:33,512
THEIR CRIME.
THE CHICKEN-BURNERS AREN'T THE
ONLY WHACKJOBS OUT THERE

284
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:37,516
THE CHICKEN-BURNERS AREN'T THE
ONLY WHACKJOBS OUT THERE
PROMOTING ELECTION

285
00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:38,183
ONLY WHACKJOBS OUT THERE
PROMOTING ELECTION
CONSPIRACIES

286
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:38,950
PROMOTING ELECTION
CONSPIRACIES
LAST WEEK, A GROUP OF

287
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:39,584
CONSPIRACIES
LAST WEEK, A GROUP OF
FORMER U.S. MILITARY LEADERS

288
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:40,151
LAST WEEK, A GROUP OF
FORMER U.S. MILITARY LEADERS
SIGNED A BIZARRE OPEN LETTER

289
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:41,119
FORMER U.S. MILITARY LEADERS
SIGNED A BIZARRE OPEN LETTER
PUSHING ELECTION LIES.

290
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:41,586
SIGNED A BIZARRE OPEN LETTER
PUSHING ELECTION LIES.
THAT'S KIND OF SPOOKY.

291
00:08:41,588 --> 00:08:42,654
PUSHING ELECTION LIES.
THAT'S KIND OF SPOOKY.
MILITARY GUYS PUTTING OUT A

292
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:43,622
THAT'S KIND OF SPOOKY.
MILITARY GUYS PUTTING OUT A
LETTER SAYING THE ELECTION WAS

293
00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:44,256
MILITARY GUYS PUTTING OUT A
LETTER SAYING THE ELECTION WAS
STOLEN IS THE KIND OF THING THAT

294
00:08:44,258 --> 00:08:44,856
LETTER SAYING THE ELECTION WAS
STOLEN IS THE KIND OF THING THAT
HAPPENS RIGHT BEFORE THE JUNTA

295
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:45,490
STOLEN IS THE KIND OF THING THAT
HAPPENS RIGHT BEFORE THE JUNTA
STARTS BUYING MIRRORED

296
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:45,957
HAPPENS RIGHT BEFORE THE JUNTA
STARTS BUYING MIRRORED
SUNGLASSES.

297
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:51,162
STARTS BUYING MIRRORED
SUNGLASSES.
BUT AS SHOCKING AS THIS LETTER

298
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:51,963
SUNGLASSES.
BUT AS SHOCKING AS THIS LETTER
IS, WAS AM-- I WAS HEARTENED BY

299
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:55,033
BUT AS SHOCKING AS THIS LETTER
IS, WAS AM-- I WAS HEARTENED BY
THE NAME OF ONE FORMER MILITARY

300
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,502
IS, WAS AM-- I WAS HEARTENED BY
THE NAME OF ONE FORMER MILITARY
PATRIOT WHO SIGNED THE LETTER:

301
00:08:57,504 --> 00:08:59,905
THE NAME OF ONE FORMER MILITARY
PATRIOT WHO SIGNED THE LETTER:
REAR ADMIRAL JACK MEEHOFF.

302
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,506
PATRIOT WHO SIGNED THE LETTER:
REAR ADMIRAL JACK MEEHOFF.
JACK MEEHOFF IS A TRUE AMERICAN

303
00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:03,241
REAR ADMIRAL JACK MEEHOFF.
JACK MEEHOFF IS A TRUE AMERICAN
HERO WHO SERVED BRAVELY IN

304
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:03,842
JACK MEEHOFF IS A TRUE AMERICAN
HERO WHO SERVED BRAVELY IN
SEVERAL SOLO MISSIONS WHERE HE

305
00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:04,242
HERO WHO SERVED BRAVELY IN
SEVERAL SOLO MISSIONS WHERE HE
BEAT OFF THE ENEMY

306
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,510
SEVERAL SOLO MISSIONS WHERE HE
BEAT OFF THE ENEMY
SINGLE-HANDEDLY.

307
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:09,514
BEAT OFF THE ENEMY
SINGLE-HANDEDLY.
WE ALL REMEMBER HIS HEROICS IN

308
00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:11,483
SINGLE-HANDEDLY.
WE ALL REMEMBER HIS HEROICS IN
THE BATTLE OF STROKE-INAWA.

309
00:09:11,485 --> 00:09:11,816
WE ALL REMEMBER HIS HEROICS IN
THE BATTLE OF STROKE-INAWA.
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>

310
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:13,485
THE BATTLE OF STROKE-INAWA.
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
LOST A LOT OF GOOD SEAMEN THAT

311
00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:15,954
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
LOST A LOT OF GOOD SEAMEN THAT
DAY.

312
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:20,692
LOST A LOT OF GOOD SEAMEN THAT
DAY.
HE WAS AWARDED THE PURPLE

313
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:21,326
DAY.
HE WAS AWARDED THE PURPLE
HARD-ON, AT WHICH POINT, HE

314
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:21,893
HE WAS AWARDED THE PURPLE
HARD-ON, AT WHICH POINT, HE
WASN'T HONORABLY DISCHARGED.

315
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,262
HARD-ON, AT WHICH POINT, HE
WASN'T HONORABLY DISCHARGED.
HE WAS FULLY RELEASED.

316
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:25,497
WASN'T HONORABLY DISCHARGED.
HE WAS FULLY RELEASED.
BATTLE OF THE BULGE.

317
00:09:25,499 --> 00:09:26,698
HE WAS FULLY RELEASED.
BATTLE OF THE BULGE.
JACK MEEHOFF IS, I AM JUST NOW

318
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:27,899
BATTLE OF THE BULGE.
JACK MEEHOFF IS, I AM JUST NOW
REALIZING, A MADE-UP NAME

319
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,234
JACK MEEHOFF IS, I AM JUST NOW
REALIZING, A MADE-UP NAME
SUBMITTED BY SOMEONE TRYING TO

320
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:29,768
REALIZING, A MADE-UP NAME
SUBMITTED BY SOMEONE TRYING TO
PRANK THESE STUPID RETIRED

321
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:32,571
SUBMITTED BY SOMEONE TRYING TO
PRANK THESE STUPID RETIRED
FASCISTS.

322
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:33,505
PRANK THESE STUPID RETIRED
FASCISTS.
BUT THEY DIDN'T CATCH ON.

323
00:09:33,507 --> 00:09:34,139
FASCISTS.
BUT THEY DIDN'T CATCH ON.
INSTEAD, THEY PUBLISHED THE NAME

324
00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:35,540
BUT THEY DIDN'T CATCH ON.
INSTEAD, THEY PUBLISHED THE NAME
AFTER RESPONDING, "THANK YOU FOR

325
00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:36,641
INSTEAD, THEY PUBLISHED THE NAME
AFTER RESPONDING, "THANK YOU FOR
YOUR SUPPORT.

326
00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:37,509
AFTER RESPONDING, "THANK YOU FOR
YOUR SUPPORT.
YOUR NAME WILL BE ADDED TO THE

327
00:09:37,511 --> 00:09:39,978
YOUR SUPPORT.
YOUR NAME WILL BE ADDED TO THE
LETTER TODAY.

328
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,513
YOUR NAME WILL BE ADDED TO THE
LETTER TODAY.
THANK YOU FOR STANDING TALL."

329
00:09:41,515 --> 00:09:44,683
LETTER TODAY.
THANK YOU FOR STANDING TALL."
YES, REAR ADMIRAL JACK MEEHOFF

330
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:45,517
THANK YOU FOR STANDING TALL."
YES, REAR ADMIRAL JACK MEEHOFF
STANDS TALL, ESPECIALLY IF HE

331
00:09:45,519 --> 00:09:46,151
YES, REAR ADMIRAL JACK MEEHOFF
STANDS TALL, ESPECIALLY IF HE
TAKES A CERTAIN MEDICATION THREE

332
00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:47,218
STANDS TALL, ESPECIALLY IF HE
TAKES A CERTAIN MEDICATION THREE
TO FIVE HOURS BEFORE HE THINKS

333
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:51,957
TAKES A CERTAIN MEDICATION THREE
TO FIVE HOURS BEFORE HE THINKS
HE MIGHT NEED TO SALUTE.

334
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:56,828
TO FIVE HOURS BEFORE HE THINKS
HE MIGHT NEED TO SALUTE.
AND THIS HERO IS FOLLOWING THE

335
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:57,495
HE MIGHT NEED TO SALUTE.
AND THIS HERO IS FOLLOWING THE
FOOTSTEPS OF GREAT AMERICAN

336
00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:57,963
AND THIS HERO IS FOLLOWING THE
FOOTSTEPS OF GREAT AMERICAN
PRANKSTERS.

337
00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:58,997
FOOTSTEPS OF GREAT AMERICAN
PRANKSTERS.
THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

338
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,366
PRANKSTERS.
THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE
IS FULL OF SIGNATURES LIKE

339
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:01,700
THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE
IS FULL OF SIGNATURES LIKE
BEECHER MEET,

340
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,835
IS FULL OF SIGNATURES LIKE
BEECHER MEET,
FINGER BLASTER.

341
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:07,205
BEECHER MEET,
FINGER BLASTER.
AND, OF COURSE, JOHN HANCOCK.

342
00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:08,073
FINGER BLASTER.
AND, OF COURSE, JOHN HANCOCK.
I WANT TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY

343
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:09,307
AND, OF COURSE, JOHN HANCOCK.
I WANT TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY
TO CALL ON ALL MEMBERS OF THE

344
00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:09,808
I WANT TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY
TO CALL ON ALL MEMBERS OF THE
MILITARY, WHETHER YOU'RE

345
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,643
TO CALL ON ALL MEMBERS OF THE
MILITARY, WHETHER YOU'RE
CURRENTLY IN ACTION OR HAVING

346
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:12,744
MILITARY, WHETHER YOU'RE
CURRENTLY IN ACTION OR HAVING
SOME ORANGE JUICE BEFORE YOUR

347
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:13,511
CURRENTLY IN ACTION OR HAVING
SOME ORANGE JUICE BEFORE YOUR
NEXT CALL OF DUTY, TO SIGN THIS

348
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:15,714
SOME ORANGE JUICE BEFORE YOUR
NEXT CALL OF DUTY, TO SIGN THIS
LETTER USING YOUR DEFINITELY

349
00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:15,981
NEXT CALL OF DUTY, TO SIGN THIS
LETTER USING YOUR DEFINITELY
REAL NAME:

350
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:18,483
LETTER USING YOUR DEFINITELY
REAL NAME:
I'M TALKING TO YOU...

351
00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:21,486
REAL NAME:
I'M TALKING TO YOU...
MAJOR HARDEN

352
00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:25,457
I'M TALKING TO YOU...
MAJOR HARDEN
CAPTAIN LUKE ATDESEBALLS

353
00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:26,458
MAJOR HARDEN
CAPTAIN LUKE ATDESEBALLS
SERGEANT RUBEN JUAN OUTT

354
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:28,126
CAPTAIN LUKE ATDESEBALLS
SERGEANT RUBEN JUAN OUTT
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>

355
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:28,593
SERGEANT RUBEN JUAN OUTT
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
COLONEL ANNE L. BEADS

356
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:31,930
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
COLONEL ANNE L. BEADS
PRIVATE WILLY TUGGER

357
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:33,498
COLONEL ANNE L. BEADS
PRIVATE WILLY TUGGER
AND, OF COURSE, FIELD MARSHALL

358
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,566
PRIVATE WILLY TUGGER
AND, OF COURSE, FIELD MARSHALL
BUTT STUFF.

359
00:10:34,568 --> 00:10:37,502
AND, OF COURSE, FIELD MARSHALL
BUTT STUFF.
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>

360
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:40,572
BUTT STUFF.
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SELF-SERVICE.

361
00:10:40,574 --> 00:10:41,506
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SELF-SERVICE.
EARLIER TODAY, PRESIDENT BIDEN

362
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:44,109
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SELF-SERVICE.
EARLIER TODAY, PRESIDENT BIDEN
TOURED A FORD FACTORY THAT IS

363
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:45,510
EARLIER TODAY, PRESIDENT BIDEN
TOURED A FORD FACTORY THAT IS
MAKING ELECTRIC VEHICLES.

364
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:50,115
TOURED A FORD FACTORY THAT IS
MAKING ELECTRIC VEHICLES.
AND AFTERWARDS, HE FINAGLED

365
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:50,749
MAKING ELECTRIC VEHICLES.
AND AFTERWARDS, HE FINAGLED
HIMSELF A RIDE IN THE BRAND-NEW,

366
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:51,983
AND AFTERWARDS, HE FINAGLED
HIMSELF A RIDE IN THE BRAND-NEW,
NOT-YET-RELEASED ALL-ELECTRIC

367
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:52,550
HIMSELF A RIDE IN THE BRAND-NEW,
NOT-YET-RELEASED ALL-ELECTRIC
FORD F-150.

368
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:53,485
NOT-YET-RELEASED ALL-ELECTRIC
FORD F-150.
>> NOW, I DON'T KNOW IF ANYBODY

369
00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:57,489
FORD F-150.
>> NOW, I DON'T KNOW IF ANYBODY
HAS A STOPWATCH, BUT I THINK IF

370
00:10:57,491 --> 00:11:00,392
>> NOW, I DON'T KNOW IF ANYBODY
HAS A STOPWATCH, BUT I THINK IF
WE'RE GOING ZERO TO 60 IN ABOUT

371
00:11:00,394 --> 00:11:01,459
HAS A STOPWATCH, BUT I THINK IF
WE'RE GOING ZERO TO 60 IN ABOUT
4.3, 4.4?

372
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:02,060
WE'RE GOING ZERO TO 60 IN ABOUT
4.3, 4.4?
I'M JUST GONNA STEP ON IT, AND

373
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:03,128
4.3, 4.4?
I'M JUST GONNA STEP ON IT, AND
I'LL COME OFF AT 80 MILES AN

374
00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:04,095
I'M JUST GONNA STEP ON IT, AND
I'LL COME OFF AT 80 MILES AN
HOUR.

375
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:04,663
I'LL COME OFF AT 80 MILES AN
HOUR.
YOU'LL SEE WHAT IT IS, OKAY?

376
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:05,497
HOUR.
YOU'LL SEE WHAT IT IS, OKAY?
OKAY, HERE WE GO?

377
00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:08,366
YOU'LL SEE WHAT IT IS, OKAY?
OKAY, HERE WE GO?
ARE YOU READY?

378
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:11,369
OKAY, HERE WE GO?
ARE YOU READY?
>> SEE YOU, SIR!

379
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:19,110
ARE YOU READY?
>> SEE YOU, SIR!
>> ARE YOU READY?

380
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,513
>> SEE YOU, SIR!
>> ARE YOU READY?
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>

381
00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:24,482
>> ARE YOU READY?
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>

382
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:25,316
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
>> Stephen: WOW, THAT IS COOL.

383
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:25,884
<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
>> Stephen: WOW, THAT IS COOL.
NORMALLY, THE ONLY ELECTRIC-

384
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:27,285
>> Stephen: WOW, THAT IS COOL.
NORMALLY, THE ONLY ELECTRIC-
POWERED VEHICLE SOMEONE OF HIS

385
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:28,553
NORMALLY, THE ONLY ELECTRIC-
POWERED VEHICLE SOMEONE OF HIS
AGE IS PILOTING IS A JAZZY AT

386
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:34,592
POWERED VEHICLE SOMEONE OF HIS
AGE IS PILOTING IS A JAZZY AT
THE CASINO.

387
00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:40,432
AGE IS PILOTING IS A JAZZY AT
THE CASINO.
NOW THE AVIATOR GLASSES MAKE

388
00:11:40,434 --> 00:11:40,865
THE CASINO.
NOW THE AVIATOR GLASSES MAKE
A LITTLE MORE SENSE.

389
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:41,499
NOW THE AVIATOR GLASSES MAKE
A LITTLE MORE SENSE.
HE REALLY PUNCHED IT, UNLIKE THE

390
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,702
A LITTLE MORE SENSE.
HE REALLY PUNCHED IT, UNLIKE THE
LAST GUY, WHO WAS CONTENT MAKING

391
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:44,536
HE REALLY PUNCHED IT, UNLIKE THE
LAST GUY, WHO WAS CONTENT MAKING
VROOM-VROOM NOISES.

392
00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:45,370
LAST GUY, WHO WAS CONTENT MAKING
VROOM-VROOM NOISES.
IN COVID NEWS, THERE'S LESS AND

393
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:46,004
VROOM-VROOM NOISES.
IN COVID NEWS, THERE'S LESS AND
LESS COVID NEWS, BECAUSE THANKS

394
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:46,638
IN COVID NEWS, THERE'S LESS AND
LESS COVID NEWS, BECAUSE THANKS
TO VACCINES, U.S. WEEKLY DEATHS

395
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,507
LESS COVID NEWS, BECAUSE THANKS
TO VACCINES, U.S. WEEKLY DEATHS
FROM COVID HAVE FALLEN TO THE

396
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:51,142
TO VACCINES, U.S. WEEKLY DEATHS
FROM COVID HAVE FALLEN TO THE
LOWEST RATES IN 14 MONTHS.

397
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:51,876
FROM COVID HAVE FALLEN TO THE
LOWEST RATES IN 14 MONTHS.
YES!

398
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:52,544
LOWEST RATES IN 14 MONTHS.
YES!
SUMMER IS ALMOST HERE, AND IT IS

399
00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:53,445
YES!
SUMMER IS ALMOST HERE, AND IT IS
FINALLY SAFE TO DRINK A SIX-PACK

400
00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:55,380
SUMMER IS ALMOST HERE, AND IT IS
FINALLY SAFE TO DRINK A SIX-PACK
AND SET OFF SOME FIREWORKS FROM

401
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:56,314
FINALLY SAFE TO DRINK A SIX-PACK
AND SET OFF SOME FIREWORKS FROM
OUR SEA-DOO.

402
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:56,948
AND SET OFF SOME FIREWORKS FROM
OUR SEA-DOO.
AND I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE

403
00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:57,515
OUR SEA-DOO.
AND I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE
LATEST FREEDOMS IN TONIGHT'S

404
00:11:57,517 --> 00:12:01,486
AND I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE
LATEST FREEDOMS IN TONIGHT'S
"THE VAX-SCENE."

405
00:12:01,488 --> 00:12:09,494
LATEST FREEDOMS IN TONIGHT'S
"THE VAX-SCENE."
<i> ( OPERATIC SINGING )</i>

406
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:21,506
"THE VAX-SCENE."
<i> ( OPERATIC SINGING )</i>
♪ GET YOUR VACCINE-AH

407
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:25,510
<i> ( OPERATIC SINGING )</i>
♪ GET YOUR VACCINE-AH
DON'T BE A WEINER

408
00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:29,481
♪ GET YOUR VACCINE-AH
DON'T BE A WEINER
♪ IT ATTACKS THE SPIKE

409
00:12:29,483 --> 00:12:37,489
DON'T BE A WEINER
♪ IT ATTACKS THE SPIKE
PROTEIN-AH

410
00:12:37,491 --> 00:12:43,895
♪ IT ATTACKS THE SPIKE
PROTEIN-AH
♪ SO GO GET YOUR VACCINE-AH ♪

411
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,497
PROTEIN-AH
♪ SO GO GET YOUR VACCINE-AH ♪
( GLASS BREAKING )

412
00:12:45,499 --> 00:12:46,564
♪ SO GO GET YOUR VACCINE-AH ♪
( GLASS BREAKING )
<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>

413
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,433
( GLASS BREAKING )
<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
>> Stephen: LAST WEEK, THE

414
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:49,501
<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
>> Stephen: LAST WEEK, THE
C.D.C. ANNOUNCED THAT VACCINATED

415
00:12:49,503 --> 00:12:50,935
>> Stephen: LAST WEEK, THE
C.D.C. ANNOUNCED THAT VACCINATED
FOLKS CAN HANG OUT INDOORS IN

416
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,570
C.D.C. ANNOUNCED THAT VACCINATED
FOLKS CAN HANG OUT INDOORS IN
THEIR BIRTHDAY FACES, BUCK TOOTH

417
00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:53,505
FOLKS CAN HANG OUT INDOORS IN
THEIR BIRTHDAY FACES, BUCK TOOTH
NAKED.

418
00:12:53,507 --> 00:12:54,072
THEIR BIRTHDAY FACES, BUCK TOOTH
NAKED.
AND NOW STATES ARE CHANGING

419
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:56,107
NAKED.
AND NOW STATES ARE CHANGING
THEIR RULES, LIKE HERE IN THE

420
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,308
AND NOW STATES ARE CHANGING
THEIR RULES, LIKE HERE IN THE
BIG APPLE.

421
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:57,942
THEIR RULES, LIKE HERE IN THE
BIG APPLE.
TOMORROW, NEW YORK WILL END MOST

422
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:58,576
BIG APPLE.
TOMORROW, NEW YORK WILL END MOST
MASK REQUIREMENTS FOR VACCINATED

423
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:01,479
TOMORROW, NEW YORK WILL END MOST
MASK REQUIREMENTS FOR VACCINATED
PEOPLE.

424
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:04,549
MASK REQUIREMENTS FOR VACCINATED
PEOPLE.
>> WE HAVE TO GET BACK TO LIFE

425
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:05,483
PEOPLE.
>> WE HAVE TO GET BACK TO LIFE
AND LIVING, AND WE HAVE TO DO IT

426
00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:09,487
>> WE HAVE TO GET BACK TO LIFE
AND LIVING, AND WE HAVE TO DO IT
THE WAY NEW YORKERS DO IT.

427
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:13,491
AND LIVING, AND WE HAVE TO DO IT
THE WAY NEW YORKERS DO IT.
>> Stephen: YES, NEW YORK

428
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:14,726
THE WAY NEW YORKERS DO IT.
>> Stephen: YES, NEW YORK
LIVIN': CRAMMED TOGETHER ON THE

429
00:13:14,728 --> 00:13:15,693
>> Stephen: YES, NEW YORK
LIVIN': CRAMMED TOGETHER ON THE
SUBWAY, FEELING A STRANGER'S

430
00:13:15,695 --> 00:13:16,227
LIVIN': CRAMMED TOGETHER ON THE
SUBWAY, FEELING A STRANGER'S
HAND BRUSH YOUR BUTT, THEN

431
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:16,828
SUBWAY, FEELING A STRANGER'S
HAND BRUSH YOUR BUTT, THEN
TURNING AROUND TO SEE THAT IT

432
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:17,529
HAND BRUSH YOUR BUTT, THEN
TURNING AROUND TO SEE THAT IT
WAS JUST GOVERNOR CUOMO.

433
00:13:17,531 --> 00:13:19,063
TURNING AROUND TO SEE THAT IT
WAS JUST GOVERNOR CUOMO.
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>

434
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:20,365
WAS JUST GOVERNOR CUOMO.
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
INDIVIDUAL RETAILERS ARE MAKING

435
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:21,499
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
INDIVIDUAL RETAILERS ARE MAKING
TEIR OWN DECISIONS.

436
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:22,567
INDIVIDUAL RETAILERS ARE MAKING
TEIR OWN DECISIONS.
SOME ARE LIFTING MASK MANDATES,

437
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,235
TEIR OWN DECISIONS.
SOME ARE LIFTING MASK MANDATES,
LIKE HOME DEPOT, TARGET,

438
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:25,503
SOME ARE LIFTING MASK MANDATES,
LIKE HOME DEPOT, TARGET,
WALMART, AND STARBUCKS.

439
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:28,573
LIKE HOME DEPOT, TARGET,
WALMART, AND STARBUCKS.
WOW, STARBUCKS WILL NO LONGER

440
00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:30,975
WALMART, AND STARBUCKS.
WOW, STARBUCKS WILL NO LONGER
REQUIRE MASKS?

441
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:34,078
WOW, STARBUCKS WILL NO LONGER
REQUIRE MASKS?
THAT IS HUGE!

442
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,514
REQUIRE MASKS?
THAT IS HUGE!
I'M SORRY, THAT IS VENTI.

443
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:37,382
THAT IS HUGE!
I'M SORRY, THAT IS VENTI.
BUT SOME STORES STILL WANT YOU

444
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:37,882
I'M SORRY, THAT IS VENTI.
BUT SOME STORES STILL WANT YOU
TO MASK, LIKE WALGREENS,

445
00:13:37,884 --> 00:13:40,018
BUT SOME STORES STILL WANT YOU
TO MASK, LIKE WALGREENS,
RITE AID, HOMEGOODS, AND TJMAXX.

446
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:40,585
TO MASK, LIKE WALGREENS,
RITE AID, HOMEGOODS, AND TJMAXX.
I'M SURPRISED ABOUT TJMAXX.

447
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:43,488
RITE AID, HOMEGOODS, AND TJMAXX.
I'M SURPRISED ABOUT TJMAXX.
THAT'S PRETTY RESTRAINED

448
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:44,122
I'M SURPRISED ABOUT TJMAXX.
THAT'S PRETTY RESTRAINED
BEHAVIOR FOR A STORE THAT SELLS

449
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:45,490
THAT'S PRETTY RESTRAINED
BEHAVIOR FOR A STORE THAT SELLS
THROW PILLOWS AND OFF-BRAND

450
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:46,558
BEHAVIOR FOR A STORE THAT SELLS
THROW PILLOWS AND OFF-BRAND
SALSA ON THE SAME SHELF.

451
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:48,960
THROW PILLOWS AND OFF-BRAND
SALSA ON THE SAME SHELF.
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>

452
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:49,594
SALSA ON THE SAME SHELF.
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
SO, SOME STORES REQUIRE A MASK,

453
00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:51,196
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
SO, SOME STORES REQUIRE A MASK,
SOME DON'T.

454
00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:52,564
SO, SOME STORES REQUIRE A MASK,
SOME DON'T.
SOME STATES HAVE MASK MANDATES,

455
00:13:52,566 --> 00:13:53,498
SOME DON'T.
SOME STATES HAVE MASK MANDATES,
OTHERS DON'T.

456
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:56,167
SOME STATES HAVE MASK MANDATES,
OTHERS DON'T.
IT GETS PRETTY CONFUSING, SO

457
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,502
OTHERS DON'T.
IT GETS PRETTY CONFUSING, SO
HERE'S AN EASY MNEMONIC DEVICE

458
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:58,570
IT GETS PRETTY CONFUSING, SO
HERE'S AN EASY MNEMONIC DEVICE
TO REMEMBER WHICH STATES HAVE

459
00:13:58,572 --> 00:14:01,206
HERE'S AN EASY MNEMONIC DEVICE
TO REMEMBER WHICH STATES HAVE
RECENTLY RELAXED THEIR MASK

460
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:01,506
TO REMEMBER WHICH STATES HAVE
RECENTLY RELAXED THEIR MASK
POLICIES.

461
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,241
RECENTLY RELAXED THEIR MASK
POLICIES.
OKAY, HERE THEY ARE.

462
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:04,309
POLICIES.
OKAY, HERE THEY ARE.
AND HERE'S HOW TO REMEMBER THEM:

463
00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:04,542
OKAY, HERE THEY ARE.
AND HERE'S HOW TO REMEMBER THEM:
WHY

464
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:06,477
AND HERE'S HOW TO REMEMBER THEM:
WHY
IS

465
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:07,545
WHY
IS
PIZZA

466
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:09,314
IS
PIZZA
VERY

467
00:14:09,316 --> 00:14:09,581
PIZZA
VERY
DELICIOUS

468
00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:10,548
VERY
DELICIOUS
CHRIS?

469
00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:13,484
DELICIOUS
CHRIS?
CALORIES?

470
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,153
CHRIS?
CALORIES?
MMMM

471
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:16,554
CALORIES?
MMMM
NUH-NUH-NO.

472
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:17,555
MMMM
NUH-NUH-NO.
O.

473
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,724
NUH-NUH-NO.
O.
KAY!

474
00:14:19,726 --> 00:14:21,492
O.
KAY!
YAY!

475
00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:22,560
KAY!
YAY!
OF COURSE, THE "Y" IN YAY STANDS

476
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:23,361
YAY!
OF COURSE, THE "Y" IN YAY STANDS
FOR "YOU SHOULD ALWAYS CONSULT

477
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,496
OF COURSE, THE "Y" IN YAY STANDS
FOR "YOU SHOULD ALWAYS CONSULT
MASK POLICY SIGNAGE AT LOCAL

478
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:28,566
FOR "YOU SHOULD ALWAYS CONSULT
MASK POLICY SIGNAGE AT LOCAL
RETAILERS."

479
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:29,500
MASK POLICY SIGNAGE AT LOCAL
RETAILERS."
NOW, WHILE THE ECONOMY IS

480
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:33,471
RETAILERS."
NOW, WHILE THE ECONOMY IS
BOUNCING BACK, SOME BUSINESSES

481
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:34,539
NOW, WHILE THE ECONOMY IS
BOUNCING BACK, SOME BUSINESSES
ARE FINDING IT HARDER THAN

482
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:35,640
BOUNCING BACK, SOME BUSINESSES
ARE FINDING IT HARDER THAN
OTHERS-- SPECIFICALLY,

483
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:36,274
ARE FINDING IT HARDER THAN
OTHERS-- SPECIFICALLY,
PAY-PER-VIEW BOOTY, BECAUSE

484
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:36,875
OTHERS-- SPECIFICALLY,
PAY-PER-VIEW BOOTY, BECAUSE
STRIPPERS ARE BACK ON THE JOB,

485
00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:37,508
PAY-PER-VIEW BOOTY, BECAUSE
STRIPPERS ARE BACK ON THE JOB,
BUT OVID RULES ARE HURTING

486
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:38,509
STRIPPERS ARE BACK ON THE JOB,
BUT OVID RULES ARE HURTING
THEIR PAY.

487
00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:39,310
BUT OVID RULES ARE HURTING
THEIR PAY.
THIS ISN'T RIGHT.

488
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:40,545
THEIR PAY.
THIS ISN'T RIGHT.
WE NEED TO SUPPORT OUR

489
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:41,479
THIS ISN'T RIGHT.
WE NEED TO SUPPORT OUR
FRONT-LINE TWERKERS.

490
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:43,114
WE NEED TO SUPPORT OUR
FRONT-LINE TWERKERS.
LET'S CLAP FOR THEM AT 7:00 P.M.

491
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:45,483
FRONT-LINE TWERKERS.
LET'S CLAP FOR THEM AT 7:00 P.M.
AFTER ALL, THEY MAKE IT CLAP

492
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:46,551
LET'S CLAP FOR THEM AT 7:00 P.M.
AFTER ALL, THEY MAKE IT CLAP
FOR US.

493
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,453
AFTER ALL, THEY MAKE IT CLAP
FOR US.
BECAUSE OF SOCIAL DISTANCING,

494
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:49,487
FOR US.
BECAUSE OF SOCIAL DISTANCING,
STRIP CLUB CROWDS ARE THINNED

495
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,422
BECAUSE OF SOCIAL DISTANCING,
STRIP CLUB CROWDS ARE THINNED
OUT, PROMPTING ONE STRIPPER TO

496
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:52,557
STRIP CLUB CROWDS ARE THINNED
OUT, PROMPTING ONE STRIPPER TO
SAY, "IT'S JUST NOT FUN

497
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:53,491
OUT, PROMPTING ONE STRIPPER TO
SAY, "IT'S JUST NOT FUN
ANYMORE."

498
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:57,495
SAY, "IT'S JUST NOT FUN
ANYMORE."
THAT BREAKS MY HEART.

499
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:59,731
ANYMORE."
THAT BREAKS MY HEART.
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY

500
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:00,732
THAT BREAKS MY HEART.
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY
WHEN STRIP CLUBS WOULD BE

501
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:01,499
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY
WHEN STRIP CLUBS WOULD BE
DEPRESSING.

502
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:03,167
WHEN STRIP CLUBS WOULD BE
DEPRESSING.
DANCERS ARE SEEING LESS CASH

503
00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:04,569
DEPRESSING.
DANCERS ARE SEEING LESS CASH
BECAUSE PREMIUM STRIP-SPERIENCES

504
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:05,503
DANCERS ARE SEEING LESS CASH
BECAUSE PREMIUM STRIP-SPERIENCES
ARE STILL PROHIBITED, LIKE

505
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:06,638
BECAUSE PREMIUM STRIP-SPERIENCES
ARE STILL PROHIBITED, LIKE
V.I.P. ROOMS AND LAP DANCES.

506
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,339
ARE STILL PROHIBITED, LIKE
V.I.P. ROOMS AND LAP DANCES.
SUCH A SHAME.

507
00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:09,140
V.I.P. ROOMS AND LAP DANCES.
SUCH A SHAME.
AFTER 14 MONTHS OF QUARANTINE,

508
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:09,707
SUCH A SHAME.
AFTER 14 MONTHS OF QUARANTINE,
AMERICANS' BODIES ARE MOSTLY

509
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:13,511
AFTER 14 MONTHS OF QUARANTINE,
AMERICANS' BODIES ARE MOSTLY
LAP.

510
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:15,513
AMERICANS' BODIES ARE MOSTLY
LAP.
BUT EVEN IF YOU CAN'T GET A LAP

511
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:16,281
LAP.
BUT EVEN IF YOU CAN'T GET A LAP
DANCE, THERE ARE STILL OTHER

512
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:16,848
BUT EVEN IF YOU CAN'T GET A LAP
DANCE, THERE ARE STILL OTHER
REASONS TO HIT THE "CLURRB,"

513
00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:18,750
DANCE, THERE ARE STILL OTHER
REASONS TO HIT THE "CLURRB,"
BECAUSE IN NEVADA, THEY'VE

514
00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:20,885
REASONS TO HIT THE "CLURRB,"
BECAUSE IN NEVADA, THEY'VE
ANNOUNCED SOME VEGAS STRIP CLUBS

515
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:21,519
BECAUSE IN NEVADA, THEY'VE
ANNOUNCED SOME VEGAS STRIP CLUBS
WILL BE OFFERING VACCINES--

516
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:25,490
ANNOUNCED SOME VEGAS STRIP CLUBS
WILL BE OFFERING VACCINES--
SPECIFICALLY, LARRY FLYNT'S

517
00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:28,559
WILL BE OFFERING VACCINES--
SPECIFICALLY, LARRY FLYNT'S
HUSTLER CLUB WILL OFFER

518
00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:29,494
SPECIFICALLY, LARRY FLYNT'S
HUSTLER CLUB WILL OFFER
VACCINATIONS ON FRIDAY, MAY 21,

519
00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:33,197
HUSTLER CLUB WILL OFFER
VACCINATIONS ON FRIDAY, MAY 21,
FROM 4:00 P.M. TO 7:00 P.M.

520
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:33,698
VACCINATIONS ON FRIDAY, MAY 21,
FROM 4:00 P.M. TO 7:00 P.M.
THAT'S RIGHT, 4:00 P.M.

521
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,167
FROM 4:00 P.M. TO 7:00 P.M.
THAT'S RIGHT, 4:00 P.M.
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY,

522
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:37,502
THAT'S RIGHT, 4:00 P.M.
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY,
YOU CAN TELL YOUR LOVED ONES,

523
00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:39,570
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY,
YOU CAN TELL YOUR LOVED ONES,
"WELL, I'M OFF TO THE STRIP CLUB

524
00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:40,705
YOU CAN TELL YOUR LOVED ONES,
"WELL, I'M OFF TO THE STRIP CLUB
IN DAYTIME, BECAUSE I'M ACTING

525
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:44,108
"WELL, I'M OFF TO THE STRIP CLUB
IN DAYTIME, BECAUSE I'M ACTING
RESPONSIBLY."

526
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:44,909
IN DAYTIME, BECAUSE I'M ACTING
RESPONSIBLY."
LAUGH

527
00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:45,510
RESPONSIBLY."
LAUGH
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU

528
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:45,910
LAUGH
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.

529
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:46,577
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
MY GUESTS ARE MORGAN FREEMAN AND

530
00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:46,978
TONIGHT.
MY GUESTS ARE MORGAN FREEMAN AND
TIG NOTARO.

531
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:48,813
MY GUESTS ARE MORGAN FREEMAN AND
TIG NOTARO.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK,

532
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:49,113
TIG NOTARO.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK,
"MEANWHILE."

533
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:53,451
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK,
"MEANWHILE."
JOIN US.

534
00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:14,872
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WE'RE JUST DANCING HERE AT "THE

535
00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:15,807
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WE'RE JUST DANCING HERE AT "THE
LATE SHOW" SHOW.

536
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:16,474
WE'RE JUST DANCING HERE AT "THE
LATE SHOW" SHOW.
WELCOME BACK.

537
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:19,077
LATE SHOW" SHOW.
WELCOME BACK.
YOU KNOW WHO LAYS DOWN THE DANCE

538
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:23,448
WELCOME BACK.
YOU KNOW WHO LAYS DOWN THE DANCE
TRACKS HARDER THAN ANYBODY I

539
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:24,549
YOU KNOW WHO LAYS DOWN THE DANCE
TRACKS HARDER THAN ANYBODY I
KNOW, MR. JON BATISTE.

540
00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:26,851
TRACKS HARDER THAN ANYBODY I
KNOW, MR. JON BATISTE.
SAY HELLO TO JON.

541
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:29,787
KNOW, MR. JON BATISTE.
SAY HELLO TO JON.
JON, I HOPE YOU HAVE SOME PIANO

542
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,222
SAY HELLO TO JON.
JON, I HOPE YOU HAVE SOME PIANO
MOVERS BECAUSE WE'RE MOVING THAT

543
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:32,623
JON, I HOPE YOU HAVE SOME PIANO
MOVERS BECAUSE WE'RE MOVING THAT
DAMN THING BACK TO THE ED

544
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:34,425
MOVERS BECAUSE WE'RE MOVING THAT
DAMN THING BACK TO THE ED
SULLIVAN THEATER, RIGHT QUICK.

545
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:37,228
DAMN THING BACK TO THE ED
SULLIVAN THEATER, RIGHT QUICK.
IF I HAVE TO COME DOWN THERE

546
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:40,865
SULLIVAN THEATER, RIGHT QUICK.
IF I HAVE TO COME DOWN THERE
MYSELF AND SUPLEX IT--

547
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,166
IF I HAVE TO COME DOWN THERE
MYSELF AND SUPLEX IT--
>> Jon: IT'S GOT A LOT OF

548
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,067
MYSELF AND SUPLEX IT--
>> Jon: IT'S GOT A LOT OF
WEIGHT TO IT.

549
00:16:43,069 --> 00:16:44,969
>> Jon: IT'S GOT A LOT OF
WEIGHT TO IT.
YOU WILL HAVE TO GET IN THERE.

550
00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:46,070
WEIGHT TO IT.
YOU WILL HAVE TO GET IN THERE.
>> Stephen: CHECK OUT THE AN

551
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:48,172
YOU WILL HAVE TO GET IN THERE.
>> Stephen: CHECK OUT THE AN
KOND AS, BABY.

552
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:49,474
>> Stephen: CHECK OUT THE AN
KOND AS, BABY.
WHAT'S THE LOWEST STRING?

553
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:50,808
KOND AS, BABY.
WHAT'S THE LOWEST STRING?
>> Jon: THE LOWEST IS "A."

554
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,210
WHAT'S THE LOWEST STRING?
>> Jon: THE LOWEST IS "A."
>> Stephen: I'LL GRAB IS BY

555
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:53,911
>> Jon: THE LOWEST IS "A."
>> Stephen: I'LL GRAB IS BY
THE "A" AND DRAG IT LIKE A LEASH

556
00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:57,048
>> Stephen: I'LL GRAB IS BY
THE "A" AND DRAG IT LIKE A LEASH
ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE ED

557
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:57,315
THE "A" AND DRAG IT LIKE A LEASH
ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE ED
SULLIVAN.

558
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,217
ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE ED
SULLIVAN.
WHEN ARERY GETTING BACK IN?

559
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:01,085
SULLIVAN.
WHEN ARERY GETTING BACK IN?
WHEN ARE WE GETTING BACK IN.

560
00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:01,652
WHEN ARERY GETTING BACK IN?
WHEN ARE WE GETTING BACK IN.
>> SOON.

561
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:02,587
WHEN ARE WE GETTING BACK IN.
>> SOON.
>> Stephen: I HAVE A

562
00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:03,287
>> SOON.
>> Stephen: I HAVE A
PREDICTION WHEN IT WILL BE.

563
00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:03,654
>> Stephen: I HAVE A
PREDICTION WHEN IT WILL BE.
>> SOON.

564
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:04,956
PREDICTION WHEN IT WILL BE.
>> SOON.
>> Stephen: WHEN THEY LET US.

565
00:17:04,958 --> 00:17:06,591
>> SOON.
>> Stephen: WHEN THEY LET US.
AND I WANT TO SAY I KNOW WE HAVE

566
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:08,993
>> Stephen: WHEN THEY LET US.
AND I WANT TO SAY I KNOW WE HAVE
OUR FUN MAKING JOKES ABOUT MAYOR

567
00:17:08,995 --> 00:17:09,961
AND I WANT TO SAY I KNOW WE HAVE
OUR FUN MAKING JOKES ABOUT MAYOR
DE BLASIO, AND WHAT A DISASTER

568
00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:13,097
OUR FUN MAKING JOKES ABOUT MAYOR
DE BLASIO, AND WHAT A DISASTER
HE IS, AND GOVERNOR CUOMO AND

569
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:15,333
DE BLASIO, AND WHAT A DISASTER
HE IS, AND GOVERNOR CUOMO AND
HOW HE'S UNCLE "TOUCH TOO MUCH."

570
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,935
HE IS, AND GOVERNOR CUOMO AND
HOW HE'S UNCLE "TOUCH TOO MUCH."
BUT IT'S ALL JUST JOKES, GUYS.

571
00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:19,137
HOW HE'S UNCLE "TOUCH TOO MUCH."
BUT IT'S ALL JUST JOKES, GUYS.
WE REALLY NEED YOUR PERMISSION

572
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,371
BUT IT'S ALL JUST JOKES, GUYS.
WE REALLY NEED YOUR PERMISSION
TO GET BACK TO THE ED SULLIVAN

573
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,040
WE REALLY NEED YOUR PERMISSION
TO GET BACK TO THE ED SULLIVAN
THEATER, AND, OBVIOUSLY, I'M

574
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:23,574
TO GET BACK TO THE ED SULLIVAN
THEATER, AND, OBVIOUSLY, I'M
JUST DOING MY JOB, OKAY?

575
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:23,808
THEATER, AND, OBVIOUSLY, I'M
JUST DOING MY JOB, OKAY?
THANKS.

576
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:24,675
JUST DOING MY JOB, OKAY?
THANKS.
>> Jon: THAT'S IT.

577
00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:28,046
THANKS.
>> Jon: THAT'S IT.
>> Stephen: LOVE YOU.

578
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:29,747
>> Jon: THAT'S IT.
>> Stephen: LOVE YOU.
JON, JON, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING

579
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,215
>> Stephen: LOVE YOU.
JON, JON, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING
TO CELEBRATE THE SUMMER THAT IS

580
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:34,152
JON, JON, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING
TO CELEBRATE THE SUMMER THAT IS
COMING AT US LIKE A-- LIKE A

581
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:35,987
TO CELEBRATE THE SUMMER THAT IS
COMING AT US LIKE A-- LIKE A
HAPPY TRAIN?

582
00:17:35,989 --> 00:17:36,454
COMING AT US LIKE A-- LIKE A
HAPPY TRAIN?
ANY MUSIC?

583
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:41,325
HAPPY TRAIN?
ANY MUSIC?
>> Jon: U.A.E., LET ME PLAY A

584
00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:41,692
ANY MUSIC?
>> Jon: U.A.E., LET ME PLAY A
LITTLE THING...

585
00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:49,233
>> Jon: U.A.E., LET ME PLAY A
LITTLE THING...
♪ ♪ ♪

586
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:55,807
LITTLE THING...
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪

587
00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:58,042
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: LIKE A GENTLE

588
00:17:58,044 --> 00:17:58,976
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: LIKE A GENTLE
SPRING RAIN.

589
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:00,545
>> Stephen: LIKE A GENTLE
SPRING RAIN.
JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.

590
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:01,245
SPRING RAIN.
JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU, JON.

591
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:05,249
JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU, JON.
>> Jon: YES, INDEED.

592
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,150
THANK YOU, JON.
>> Jon: YES, INDEED.
>> Stephen: FOLKS, YOU KNOW, I

593
00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:07,251
>> Jon: YES, INDEED.
>> Stephen: FOLKS, YOU KNOW, I
SPEND A LOT OF TIME CAREFULLY

594
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:08,886
>> Stephen: FOLKS, YOU KNOW, I
SPEND A LOT OF TIME CAREFULLY
MAINTAINING THE FINEST, MOST

595
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:10,154
SPEND A LOT OF TIME CAREFULLY
MAINTAINING THE FINEST, MOST
TOPICAL STORY YACHT, CHARTING

596
00:18:10,156 --> 00:18:13,224
MAINTAINING THE FINEST, MOST
TOPICAL STORY YACHT, CHARTING
THE BEST NEWS ROUTES AND

597
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:14,192
TOPICAL STORY YACHT, CHARTING
THE BEST NEWS ROUTES AND
PINPOINTING THE EXACT LOCATIONS

598
00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:16,360
THE BEST NEWS ROUTES AND
PINPOINTING THE EXACT LOCATIONS
OF THE MOST SPECTACULAR LANDMARK

599
00:18:16,362 --> 00:18:18,162
PINPOINTING THE EXACT LOCATIONS
OF THE MOST SPECTACULAR LANDMARK
EVENTS, ALL TO DESIGN THE

600
00:18:18,164 --> 00:18:19,230
OF THE MOST SPECTACULAR LANDMARK
EVENTS, ALL TO DESIGN THE
ULTIMATE ADVENTURER'S NILE RIVER

601
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:25,236
EVENTS, ALL TO DESIGN THE
ULTIMATE ADVENTURER'S NILE RIVER
CRUISE THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

602
00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:34,145
ULTIMATE ADVENTURER'S NILE RIVER
CRUISE THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, I WAKE UP BY THE

603
00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:34,979
CRUISE THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, I WAKE UP BY THE
BUT SOMETIMES, I WAKE UP BY THE

604
00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:35,780
BUT SOMETIMES, I WAKE UP BY THE
BUT SOMETIMES, I WAKE UP BY THE
EAST RIVER HOLDING A MEGAPHONE

605
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:36,380
BUT SOMETIMES, I WAKE UP BY THE
EAST RIVER HOLDING A MEGAPHONE
AND A SHIV, SCRAPE TOGETHER A

606
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:37,181
EAST RIVER HOLDING A MEGAPHONE
AND A SHIV, SCRAPE TOGETHER A
RAFT OUT OF A BROKEN BOOGIE

607
00:18:37,183 --> 00:18:37,748
AND A SHIV, SCRAPE TOGETHER A
RAFT OUT OF A BROKEN BOOGIE
BOARD AND SOME EMPTY CANS OF

608
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,150
RAFT OUT OF A BROKEN BOOGIE
BOARD AND SOME EMPTY CANS OF
GASOLINE, THEN CHARGE

609
00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:40,017
BOARD AND SOME EMPTY CANS OF
GASOLINE, THEN CHARGE
OUT-OF-TOWNERS 40 BUCKS A HEAD

610
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,252
GASOLINE, THEN CHARGE
OUT-OF-TOWNERS 40 BUCKS A HEAD
TO GIVE 'EM A TOUR OF SUPERFUND

611
00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:42,153
OUT-OF-TOWNERS 40 BUCKS A HEAD
TO GIVE 'EM A TOUR OF SUPERFUND
SITES IN THE LAWSUIT-PROVOKING

612
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:43,254
TO GIVE 'EM A TOUR OF SUPERFUND
SITES IN THE LAWSUIT-PROVOKING
DEATH DINGHY OF NEWS THAT IS MY

613
00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:46,157
SITES IN THE LAWSUIT-PROVOKING
DEATH DINGHY OF NEWS THAT IS MY
SEGMENT: "MEANWHILE."

614
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:47,358
DEATH DINGHY OF NEWS THAT IS MY
SEGMENT: "MEANWHILE."
QUARANTINE-WHILE, THE MAKERS OF

615
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,026
SEGMENT: "MEANWHILE."
QUARANTINE-WHILE, THE MAKERS OF
EXPENSIVE JAPANESE TOASTERS ARE

616
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:49,594
QUARANTINE-WHILE, THE MAKERS OF
EXPENSIVE JAPANESE TOASTERS ARE
GETTING INTO THE SMARTPHONE

617
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:54,165
EXPENSIVE JAPANESE TOASTERS ARE
GETTING INTO THE SMARTPHONE
BUSINESS.

618
00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,734
GETTING INTO THE SMARTPHONE
BUSINESS.
IT'S THE PERFECT PHONE FOR

619
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:57,668
BUSINESS.
IT'S THE PERFECT PHONE FOR
EVERYONE WHO'S SAID, "I WISH

620
00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:58,202
IT'S THE PERFECT PHONE FOR
EVERYONE WHO'S SAID, "I WISH
THIS WOULD OVERHEAT MORE."

621
00:18:58,204 --> 00:18:59,537
EVERYONE WHO'S SAID, "I WISH
THIS WOULD OVERHEAT MORE."
WE KNOW THE PHONE WILL BE A 5G

622
00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:00,238
THIS WOULD OVERHEAT MORE."
WE KNOW THE PHONE WILL BE A 5G
HANDSET, BUT NOT MUCH MORE,

623
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,239
WE KNOW THE PHONE WILL BE A 5G
HANDSET, BUT NOT MUCH MORE,
BECAUSE THE COMPANY HASN'T

624
00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:02,140
HANDSET, BUT NOT MUCH MORE,
BECAUSE THE COMPANY HASN'T
ANNOUNCED MANY DETAILS YET.

625
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:06,177
BECAUSE THE COMPANY HASN'T
ANNOUNCED MANY DETAILS YET.
OOOH, PROBABLY BECAUSE THEY'RE

626
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:08,146
ANNOUNCED MANY DETAILS YET.
OOOH, PROBABLY BECAUSE THEY'RE
ALL TOP-SECRET PROPRIETARY I.P.

627
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:08,946
OOOH, PROBABLY BECAUSE THEY'RE
ALL TOP-SECRET PROPRIETARY I.P.
WHICH CAN CHANGE THE LANDSCAPE

628
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:10,148
ALL TOP-SECRET PROPRIETARY I.P.
WHICH CAN CHANGE THE LANDSCAPE
OF TELECOMMUNICATIONS AS WE

629
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:14,218
WHICH CAN CHANGE THE LANDSCAPE
OF TELECOMMUNICATIONS AS WE
KNOW IT.

630
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:17,121
OF TELECOMMUNICATIONS AS WE
KNOW IT.
OR-- AND STAY WITH ME HERE--

631
00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:17,755
KNOW IT.
OR-- AND STAY WITH ME HERE--
MAYBE A TOASTER COMPANY DOESN'T

632
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:19,223
OR-- AND STAY WITH ME HERE--
MAYBE A TOASTER COMPANY DOESN'T
KNOW HOW THE ( BLEEP ) TO MAKE

633
00:19:19,225 --> 00:19:21,859
MAYBE A TOASTER COMPANY DOESN'T
KNOW HOW THE ( BLEEP ) TO MAKE
PHONES.

634
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:22,460
KNOW HOW THE ( BLEEP ) TO MAKE
PHONES.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, AN ALL-GLASS

635
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:32,637
PHONES.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, AN ALL-GLASS
ELEVATOR WILL SOON OFFER PEOPLE

636
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:33,304
QUARANTINE-WHILE, AN ALL-GLASS
ELEVATOR WILL SOON OFFER PEOPLE
VIEWS OF NEW YORK FROM 1,200

637
00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:33,871
ELEVATOR WILL SOON OFFER PEOPLE
VIEWS OF NEW YORK FROM 1,200
FEET ABOVE THE CITY, AND THE

638
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:34,405
VIEWS OF NEW YORK FROM 1,200
FEET ABOVE THE CITY, AND THE
BUILDING WILL ALSO HAVE A

639
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:35,039
FEET ABOVE THE CITY, AND THE
BUILDING WILL ALSO HAVE A
COLLECTION OF TRANSPARENT GLASS

640
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:36,974
BUILDING WILL ALSO HAVE A
COLLECTION OF TRANSPARENT GLASS
BOXES THAT JUT OUT OF THE TOWER.

641
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:37,275
COLLECTION OF TRANSPARENT GLASS
BOXES THAT JUT OUT OF THE TOWER.
TAKE A LOOK.

642
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:38,176
BOXES THAT JUT OUT OF THE TOWER.
TAKE A LOOK.
WOW!

643
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:40,278
TAKE A LOOK.
WOW!
WOW!

644
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:40,912
WOW!
WOW!
KEEP IN MIND, MOST OF THE TIME,

645
00:19:40,914 --> 00:19:42,146
WOW!
KEEP IN MIND, MOST OF THE TIME,
THAT VIEW WILL BE OBSCURED BY A

646
00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:43,247
KEEP IN MIND, MOST OF THE TIME,
THAT VIEW WILL BE OBSCURED BY A
LAYER OF VOMIT.

647
00:19:43,249 --> 00:19:46,150
THAT VIEW WILL BE OBSCURED BY A
LAYER OF VOMIT.
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>

648
00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:48,619
LAYER OF VOMIT.
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN WORDS I

649
00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:49,253
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN WORDS I
NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY IN

650
00:19:49,255 --> 00:19:53,024
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN WORDS I
NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY IN
THIS ORDER, MAMMALS CAN BREATHE

651
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:53,524
NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY IN
THIS ORDER, MAMMALS CAN BREATHE
THROUGH THEIR ANUSES IN

652
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:54,158
THIS ORDER, MAMMALS CAN BREATHE
THROUGH THEIR ANUSES IN
EMERGENCIES, A JAPANESE STUDY

653
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:58,162
THROUGH THEIR ANUSES IN
EMERGENCIES, A JAPANESE STUDY
HAS FOUND.

654
00:19:58,164 --> 00:20:00,364
EMERGENCIES, A JAPANESE STUDY
HAS FOUND.
SOUNDS LIKE THEY YANKED THAT

655
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:00,932
HAS FOUND.
SOUNDS LIKE THEY YANKED THAT
STUDY RIGHT OUT OF THEIR OLD

656
00:20:00,934 --> 00:20:03,801
SOUNDS LIKE THEY YANKED THAT
STUDY RIGHT OUT OF THEIR OLD
BREATHE HOLE.

657
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:05,670
STUDY RIGHT OUT OF THEIR OLD
BREATHE HOLE.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, A WOMAN WAS

658
00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:06,270
BREATHE HOLE.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, A WOMAN WAS
HIT IN FACE WITH 10-POUND "LOG

659
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:07,238
QUARANTINE-WHILE, A WOMAN WAS
HIT IN FACE WITH 10-POUND "LOG
OF PREPACKAGED MEAT" DURING A

660
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,207
HIT IN FACE WITH 10-POUND "LOG
OF PREPACKAGED MEAT" DURING A
FIGHT AT WALMART.

661
00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:10,141
OF PREPACKAGED MEAT" DURING A
FIGHT AT WALMART.
SUCKS FOR THAT LADY, BUT GREAT

662
00:20:10,143 --> 00:20:13,244
FIGHT AT WALMART.
SUCKS FOR THAT LADY, BUT GREAT
NEWS FOR ANYONE LOOKING FOR A

663
00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:17,348
SUCKS FOR THAT LADY, BUT GREAT
NEWS FOR ANYONE LOOKING FOR A
MEAT LOG ON CLEARANCE.

664
00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:18,149
NEWS FOR ANYONE LOOKING FOR A
MEAT LOG ON CLEARANCE.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, ACCORDING TO A

665
00:20:18,151 --> 00:20:19,217
MEAT LOG ON CLEARANCE.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, ACCORDING TO A
NEW W.H.O. STUDY, OVERWORKING IS

666
00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:21,686
QUARANTINE-WHILE, ACCORDING TO A
NEW W.H.O. STUDY, OVERWORKING IS
A MAJOR KILLER WORLDWIDE.

667
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:22,253
NEW W.H.O. STUDY, OVERWORKING IS
A MAJOR KILLER WORLDWIDE.
LET ME FIX THAT HEADLINE FOR

668
00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:25,022
A MAJOR KILLER WORLDWIDE.
LET ME FIX THAT HEADLINE FOR
YOU.

669
00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:25,556
LET ME FIX THAT HEADLINE FOR
YOU.
"EVERYONE DYING FROM THING

670
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:29,660
YOU.
"EVERYONE DYING FROM THING
EVERYONE DOES."

671
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:30,161
"EVERYONE DYING FROM THING
EVERYONE DOES."
ACCORDING TO THE W.H.O.,

672
00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:31,229
EVERYONE DOES."
ACCORDING TO THE W.H.O.,
OVERWORKING CAUSES STRESS, WHICH

673
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,530
ACCORDING TO THE W.H.O.,
OVERWORKING CAUSES STRESS, WHICH
CAN LEAD TO OTHER BEHAVIORS,

674
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:34,165
OVERWORKING CAUSES STRESS, WHICH
CAN LEAD TO OTHER BEHAVIORS,
LIKE NOT GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP OR

675
00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:37,235
CAN LEAD TO OTHER BEHAVIORS,
LIKE NOT GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP OR
EXERCISE.

676
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:38,169
LIKE NOT GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP OR
EXERCISE.
YES, WORK IS THE REASON I DON'T

677
00:20:38,171 --> 00:20:39,470
EXERCISE.
YES, WORK IS THE REASON I DON'T
EXERCISE.

678
00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:42,106
YES, WORK IS THE REASON I DON'T
EXERCISE.
DARN YOU, WORK!

679
00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:42,673
EXERCISE.
DARN YOU, WORK!
WHY DID YOU MAKE ME NOT LIFT

680
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:43,241
DARN YOU, WORK!
WHY DID YOU MAKE ME NOT LIFT
WEIGHTS AND INSTEAD REWATCH

681
00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:43,808
WHY DID YOU MAKE ME NOT LIFT
WEIGHTS AND INSTEAD REWATCH
"SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD

682
00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:44,108
WEIGHTS AND INSTEAD REWATCH
"SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD
LAST" NIGHT?

683
00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:46,143
"SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD
LAST" NIGHT?
ALLISON PILL IS GREAT.

684
00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:48,479
LAST" NIGHT?
ALLISON PILL IS GREAT.
WHY DOESN'T SHE WORK MORE?

685
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:49,247
ALLISON PILL IS GREAT.
WHY DOESN'T SHE WORK MORE?
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN AN EXCITING

686
00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:50,147
WHY DOESN'T SHE WORK MORE?
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN AN EXCITING
DEVELOPMENT FOR SPECIES

687
00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:53,684
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN AN EXCITING
DEVELOPMENT FOR SPECIES
PRESERVATION, SCIENTISTS HAVE

688
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:54,252
DEVELOPMENT FOR SPECIES
PRESERVATION, SCIENTISTS HAVE
BEEN ABLE TO USE ARTIFICIAL

689
00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:58,055
PRESERVATION, SCIENTISTS HAVE
BEEN ABLE TO USE ARTIFICIAL
INSEMINATION TO BRING 97 BABY

690
00:20:58,057 --> 00:20:58,489
BEEN ABLE TO USE ARTIFICIAL
INSEMINATION TO BRING 97 BABY
SHARKS BACK TO LIFE.

691
00:20:58,491 --> 00:21:00,191
INSEMINATION TO BRING 97 BABY
SHARKS BACK TO LIFE.
AND I HAVE BEEN TOLD WE HAVE

692
00:21:00,193 --> 00:21:09,200
SHARKS BACK TO LIFE.
AND I HAVE BEEN TOLD WE HAVE
VIDEO OF THE LEAD

693
00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:17,475
RESEARCHER MAKING THE
ANNOUNCEMENT.

694
00:21:22,414 --> 00:21:31,289
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."

695
00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:33,090
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS THE

696
00:21:33,092 --> 00:21:33,924
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS THE
ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR YOU

697
00:21:33,926 --> 00:21:34,458
MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS THE
ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR YOU
KNOW FROM SO MANY OF YOUR

698
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:37,161
ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR YOU
KNOW FROM SO MANY OF YOUR
FAVORITE MOVIES LIKE "THE

699
00:21:37,163 --> 00:21:37,895
KNOW FROM SO MANY OF YOUR
FAVORITE MOVIES LIKE "THE
SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION," "THE DARK

700
00:21:37,897 --> 00:21:39,263
FAVORITE MOVIES LIKE "THE
SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION," "THE DARK
KNIGHT," "MILLION DOLLAR BABY,"

701
00:21:39,265 --> 00:21:40,364
SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION," "THE DARK
KNIGHT," "MILLION DOLLAR BABY,"
AND MORE.

702
00:21:40,366 --> 00:21:46,370
KNIGHT," "MILLION DOLLAR BABY,"
AND MORE.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE

703
00:21:46,372 --> 00:21:47,204
AND MORE.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE
SHOW,MR. MORGAN FREEMAN.

704
00:21:47,206 --> 00:21:49,507
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE
SHOW,MR. MORGAN FREEMAN.
CD FREE, WHAT A PLEASURE.

705
00:21:49,509 --> 00:21:49,774
SHOW,MR. MORGAN FREEMAN.
CD FREE, WHAT A PLEASURE.
YES, SIR.

706
00:21:49,776 --> 00:21:51,909
CD FREE, WHAT A PLEASURE.
YES, SIR.
>> IT'S VERY NICE TO SEE YOU,

707
00:21:51,911 --> 00:21:52,143
YES, SIR.
>> IT'S VERY NICE TO SEE YOU,
STEPHEN.

708
00:21:52,145 --> 00:21:53,511
>> IT'S VERY NICE TO SEE YOU,
STEPHEN.
IT'S BEEN A WHILE, I MEAN, UP

709
00:21:53,513 --> 00:21:54,445
STEPHEN.
IT'S BEEN A WHILE, I MEAN, UP
CLOSE AND PERSONAL.

710
00:21:54,447 --> 00:21:55,146
IT'S BEEN A WHILE, I MEAN, UP
CLOSE AND PERSONAL.
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE FIRST

711
00:21:55,148 --> 00:21:56,380
CLOSE AND PERSONAL.
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE FIRST
TIME-- YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ON IN A

712
00:21:56,382 --> 00:21:56,747
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE FIRST
TIME-- YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ON IN A
LITTLE BIT.

713
00:21:56,749 --> 00:21:58,449
TIME-- YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ON IN A
LITTLE BIT.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I SPOKE

714
00:21:58,451 --> 00:21:59,984
LITTLE BIT.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I SPOKE
TO YOU SINCE THE PANDEMIC HIT.

715
00:21:59,986 --> 00:22:03,087
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I SPOKE
TO YOU SINCE THE PANDEMIC HIT.
YOU'RE LOOKING HALE.

716
00:22:03,089 --> 00:22:05,189
TO YOU SINCE THE PANDEMIC HIT.
YOU'RE LOOKING HALE.
YOU'RE LOOKING HARDY.

717
00:22:05,191 --> 00:22:07,458
YOU'RE LOOKING HALE.
YOU'RE LOOKING HARDY.
HHOW HAS IT BEEN FOR YOU?

718
00:22:07,460 --> 00:22:08,793
YOU'RE LOOKING HARDY.
HHOW HAS IT BEEN FOR YOU?
>> IT'S BEEN TERRIFIC.

719
00:22:08,795 --> 00:22:10,628
HHOW HAS IT BEEN FOR YOU?
>> IT'S BEEN TERRIFIC.
I HATE TO SAY THAT, BUT IT'S

720
00:22:10,630 --> 00:22:11,996
>> IT'S BEEN TERRIFIC.
I HATE TO SAY THAT, BUT IT'S
REALLY BEEN TERRIFIC.

721
00:22:11,998 --> 00:22:13,764
I HATE TO SAY THAT, BUT IT'S
REALLY BEEN TERRIFIC.
MY LADY AND I HAVE BEEN NESTLED

722
00:22:13,766 --> 00:22:15,266
REALLY BEEN TERRIFIC.
MY LADY AND I HAVE BEEN NESTLED
DOWN HERE ON THE GULF COAST,

723
00:22:15,268 --> 00:22:17,568
MY LADY AND I HAVE BEEN NESTLED
DOWN HERE ON THE GULF COAST,
ISOLATED TO THE NINES, AND

724
00:22:17,570 --> 00:22:19,203
DOWN HERE ON THE GULF COAST,
ISOLATED TO THE NINES, AND
HAVING A GOOD TIME SOAP THIS

725
00:22:19,205 --> 00:22:21,739
ISOLATED TO THE NINES, AND
HAVING A GOOD TIME SOAP THIS
WHOLE THING HAS GONE VERY

726
00:22:21,741 --> 00:22:23,374
HAVING A GOOD TIME SOAP THIS
WHOLE THING HAS GONE VERY
QUICKLY, AND I HAVE NOT

727
00:22:23,376 --> 00:22:23,641
WHOLE THING HAS GONE VERY
QUICKLY, AND I HAVE NOT
SUFFERED.

728
00:22:23,643 --> 00:22:25,076
QUICKLY, AND I HAVE NOT
SUFFERED.
>> Stephen: I'M NOT SURPRISED

729
00:22:25,078 --> 00:22:27,278
SUFFERED.
>> Stephen: I'M NOT SURPRISED
YOU'RE DOWN ON THE GULF COAST,

730
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:28,979
>> Stephen: I'M NOT SURPRISED
YOU'RE DOWN ON THE GULF COAST,
BECAUSE I JUST LEARNED THAT I

731
00:22:28,981 --> 00:22:30,314
YOU'RE DOWN ON THE GULF COAST,
BECAUSE I JUST LEARNED THAT I
DID NOT KNOW ABOUT YOU THAT A

732
00:22:30,316 --> 00:22:31,649
BECAUSE I JUST LEARNED THAT I
DID NOT KNOW ABOUT YOU THAT A
LOT OF PEOPLE PROBABLY DON'T

733
00:22:31,651 --> 00:22:33,150
DID NOT KNOW ABOUT YOU THAT A
LOT OF PEOPLE PROBABLY DON'T
KNOW, THAT YOU'RE AN AVID

734
00:22:33,152 --> 00:22:33,384
LOT OF PEOPLE PROBABLY DON'T
KNOW, THAT YOU'RE AN AVID
SAILOR.

735
00:22:33,386 --> 00:22:34,685
KNOW, THAT YOU'RE AN AVID
SAILOR.
HERE'S A PICTURE OF YOU AS A

736
00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:35,653
SAILOR.
HERE'S A PICTURE OF YOU AS A
YOUNG MORGAN FREEMAN, ABOUT TO

737
00:22:35,655 --> 00:22:37,455
HERE'S A PICTURE OF YOU AS A
YOUNG MORGAN FREEMAN, ABOUT TO
ACCEPT THE TO SEA IN A LEATHER

738
00:22:37,457 --> 00:22:40,558
YOUNG MORGAN FREEMAN, ABOUT TO
ACCEPT THE TO SEA IN A LEATHER
JACKET, WHICH I FIND DARING AT

739
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:40,725
ACCEPT THE TO SEA IN A LEATHER
JACKET, WHICH I FIND DARING AT
SEA.

740
00:22:40,727 --> 00:22:43,294
JACKET, WHICH I FIND DARING AT
SEA.
HOW DID YOU GET STARTED SAILING?

741
00:22:43,296 --> 00:22:50,568
SEA.
HOW DID YOU GET STARTED SAILING?
>> OH, 1967 I WAS WORKING IN

742
00:22:50,570 --> 00:22:51,268
HOW DID YOU GET STARTED SAILING?
>> OH, 1967 I WAS WORKING IN
STOWE, VERMONT.

743
00:22:51,270 --> 00:22:54,839
>> OH, 1967 I WAS WORKING IN
STOWE, VERMONT.
AND THE GUY WAS THE HEAD OF

744
00:22:54,841 --> 00:22:56,006
STOWE, VERMONT.
AND THE GUY WAS THE HEAD OF
STOWE PREP CAME INTO THE HOUSE I

745
00:22:56,008 --> 00:22:57,908
AND THE GUY WAS THE HEAD OF
STOWE PREP CAME INTO THE HOUSE I
WAS IN ONE MORNING AND SAID,

746
00:22:57,910 --> 00:22:59,477
STOWE PREP CAME INTO THE HOUSE I
WAS IN ONE MORNING AND SAID,
"YOU WANT TO GO SAILING?"

747
00:22:59,479 --> 00:23:01,312
WAS IN ONE MORNING AND SAID,
"YOU WANT TO GO SAILING?"
I WAS WITH A COUPLE OF FRIENDS.

748
00:23:01,314 --> 00:23:02,913
"YOU WANT TO GO SAILING?"
I WAS WITH A COUPLE OF FRIENDS.
AND WE SAID, "SURE."

749
00:23:02,915 --> 00:23:04,415
I WAS WITH A COUPLE OF FRIENDS.
AND WE SAID, "SURE."
NEVER SAILED BEFORE, BUT WHAT

750
00:23:04,417 --> 00:23:06,016
AND WE SAID, "SURE."
NEVER SAILED BEFORE, BUT WHAT
THE HECK.

751
00:23:06,018 --> 00:23:06,517
NEVER SAILED BEFORE, BUT WHAT
THE HECK.
AND THAT WAS IT.

752
00:23:06,519 --> 00:23:08,953
THE HECK.
AND THAT WAS IT.
HE TOOK US OUT TO THIS LITTLE

753
00:23:08,955 --> 00:23:11,322
AND THAT WAS IT.
HE TOOK US OUT TO THIS LITTLE
RESERVOIR, PUT US ON A LITTLE

754
00:23:11,324 --> 00:23:13,791
HE TOOK US OUT TO THIS LITTLE
RESERVOIR, PUT US ON A LITTLE
19-FOOT BOAT, AND SAID, "HAVE

755
00:23:13,793 --> 00:23:15,826
RESERVOIR, PUT US ON A LITTLE
19-FOOT BOAT, AND SAID, "HAVE
YOU EVER SAILED BEFORE?"

756
00:23:15,828 --> 00:23:16,060
19-FOOT BOAT, AND SAID, "HAVE
YOU EVER SAILED BEFORE?"
"NOPE."

757
00:23:16,062 --> 00:23:18,129
YOU EVER SAILED BEFORE?"
"NOPE."
HE SAID, "YOU'LL GET THE HANG OF

758
00:23:18,131 --> 00:23:18,295
"NOPE."
HE SAID, "YOU'LL GET THE HANG OF
IT.

759
00:23:18,297 --> 00:23:20,398
HE SAID, "YOU'LL GET THE HANG OF
IT.
ING THIS THE JIG, THIS IS THE

760
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:21,298
IT.
ING THIS THE JIG, THIS IS THE
MAIN SAIL.

761
00:23:21,300 --> 00:23:23,200
ING THIS THE JIG, THIS IS THE
MAIN SAIL.
"IT'S EASY, YOU'LL GET IT."

762
00:23:23,202 --> 00:23:25,736
MAIN SAIL.
"IT'S EASY, YOU'LL GET IT."
SO WE SPENT THE DAY IN THAT

763
00:23:25,738 --> 00:23:28,105
"IT'S EASY, YOU'LL GET IT."
SO WE SPENT THE DAY IN THAT
LITTLE RESERVOIR PUSHING THAT

764
00:23:28,107 --> 00:23:29,940
SO WE SPENT THE DAY IN THAT
LITTLE RESERVOIR PUSHING THAT
LITTLE BOAT OFF OF SANDBARS AND

765
00:23:29,942 --> 00:23:32,877
LITTLE RESERVOIR PUSHING THAT
LITTLE BOAT OFF OF SANDBARS AND
GETTING THE MAST THING UP AND

766
00:23:32,879 --> 00:23:33,511
LITTLE BOAT OFF OF SANDBARS AND
GETTING THE MAST THING UP AND
UNTANGLED FROM TREES.

767
00:23:33,513 --> 00:23:35,079
GETTING THE MAST THING UP AND
UNTANGLED FROM TREES.
BUT I WAS HOOKED, TOTALLY.

768
00:23:35,081 --> 00:23:36,680
UNTANGLED FROM TREES.
BUT I WAS HOOKED, TOTALLY.
>> Stephen: I HAVEN'T DONE A

769
00:23:36,682 --> 00:23:40,084
BUT I WAS HOOKED, TOTALLY.
>> Stephen: I HAVEN'T DONE A
LOT OF SAILING, BUT I'VE DONE--

770
00:23:40,086 --> 00:23:41,986
>> Stephen: I HAVEN'T DONE A
LOT OF SAILING, BUT I'VE DONE--
I'VE DONE SOME VERY BIG SAILS.

771
00:23:41,988 --> 00:23:43,621
LOT OF SAILING, BUT I'VE DONE--
I'VE DONE SOME VERY BIG SAILS.
I'VE DONE SOME OPEN-OCEAN

772
00:23:43,623 --> 00:23:43,854
I'VE DONE SOME VERY BIG SAILS.
I'VE DONE SOME OPEN-OCEAN
RACING.

773
00:23:43,856 --> 00:23:45,423
I'VE DONE SOME OPEN-OCEAN
RACING.
HAVE YOU-- HAVE YOU DONE-- HAVE

774
00:23:45,425 --> 00:23:50,060
RACING.
HAVE YOU-- HAVE YOU DONE-- HAVE
YOU DONE, LIKE, BIG-OCEAN

775
00:23:50,062 --> 00:23:50,294
HAVE YOU-- HAVE YOU DONE-- HAVE
YOU DONE, LIKE, BIG-OCEAN
SAILING?

776
00:23:50,296 --> 00:23:51,295
YOU DONE, LIKE, BIG-OCEAN
SAILING?
>> OH, YEAH.

777
00:23:51,297 --> 00:23:53,063
SAILING?
>> OH, YEAH.
NOT RACING.

778
00:23:53,065 --> 00:23:57,134
>> OH, YEAH.
NOT RACING.
MY RACING WAS ALWAYS AROUND THE

779
00:23:57,136 --> 00:23:58,969
NOT RACING.
MY RACING WAS ALWAYS AROUND THE
BUOYS WE WOULD DO ON THE

780
00:23:58,971 --> 00:23:59,236
MY RACING WAS ALWAYS AROUND THE
BUOYS WE WOULD DO ON THE
WEEKENDS.

781
00:23:59,238 --> 00:24:02,406
BUOYS WE WOULD DO ON THE
WEEKENDS.
YEAH, MY FIRST OCEAN VOYAGE WAS

782
00:24:02,408 --> 00:24:04,375
WEEKENDS.
YEAH, MY FIRST OCEAN VOYAGE WAS
IN MY 30-FOOT SLOOP.

783
00:24:04,377 --> 00:24:10,281
YEAH, MY FIRST OCEAN VOYAGE WAS
IN MY 30-FOOT SLOOP.
WE SAILED FROM CAPE COD TO NOVA

784
00:24:10,283 --> 00:24:10,481
IN MY 30-FOOT SLOOP.
WE SAILED FROM CAPE COD TO NOVA
SCOTIA

785
00:24:10,483 --> 00:24:14,018
WE SAILED FROM CAPE COD TO NOVA
SCOTIA
( WHISTLES )

786
00:24:14,020 --> 00:24:15,820
SCOTIA
( WHISTLES )
MY GAFFEIGATING AND ALL THAT, I

787
00:24:15,822 --> 00:24:17,755
( WHISTLES )
MY GAFFEIGATING AND ALL THAT, I
THOUGHT I WAS ON THE EAST COAST

788
00:24:17,757 --> 00:24:20,057
MY GAFFEIGATING AND ALL THAT, I
THOUGHT I WAS ON THE EAST COAST
OF NOVA SCOTIA, BUT I WAS ON THE

789
00:24:20,059 --> 00:24:22,059
THOUGHT I WAS ON THE EAST COAST
OF NOVA SCOTIA, BUT I WAS ON THE
WEST COAST OF NOVA SCOTIA.

790
00:24:22,061 --> 00:24:25,162
OF NOVA SCOTIA, BUT I WAS ON THE
WEST COAST OF NOVA SCOTIA.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU--

791
00:24:25,164 --> 00:24:26,263
WEST COAST OF NOVA SCOTIA.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU--
ANYTHING YOUR LIFE AT SEA TEACH

792
00:24:26,265 --> 00:24:27,798
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU--
ANYTHING YOUR LIFE AT SEA TEACH
YOU ABOUT LIVING YOUR LIFE ON

793
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:27,998
ANYTHING YOUR LIFE AT SEA TEACH
YOU ABOUT LIVING YOUR LIFE ON
LAND?

794
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:29,533
YOU ABOUT LIVING YOUR LIFE ON
LAND?
BECAUSE I CERTAINLY LEARNED TO

795
00:24:29,535 --> 00:24:31,268
LAND?
BECAUSE I CERTAINLY LEARNED TO
REALLY APPRECIATE AN ACTUAL

796
00:24:31,270 --> 00:24:32,002
BECAUSE I CERTAINLY LEARNED TO
REALLY APPRECIATE AN ACTUAL
TOILET.

797
00:24:32,004 --> 00:24:33,604
REALLY APPRECIATE AN ACTUAL
TOILET.
IS THERE ANYTHING THAT YOU

798
00:24:33,606 --> 00:24:36,307
TOILET.
IS THERE ANYTHING THAT YOU
LEARNED AT SEA THAT YOU WERE

799
00:24:36,309 --> 00:24:37,908
IS THERE ANYTHING THAT YOU
LEARNED AT SEA THAT YOU WERE
LIKE, "OH, OKAY I'M GOING TO

800
00:24:37,910 --> 00:24:40,344
LEARNED AT SEA THAT YOU WERE
LIKE, "OH, OKAY I'M GOING TO
APPRECIATE THE LAND A LITTLE

801
00:24:40,346 --> 00:24:41,345
LIKE, "OH, OKAY I'M GOING TO
APPRECIATE THE LAND A LITTLE
MORE NOW"?

802
00:24:41,347 --> 00:24:42,646
APPRECIATE THE LAND A LITTLE
MORE NOW"?
> NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT I

803
00:24:42,648 --> 00:24:45,249
MORE NOW"?
> NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT I
DIDN'T GET TO WHERE I

804
00:24:45,251 --> 00:24:48,652
> NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT I
DIDN'T GET TO WHERE I
APPRECIATED LAND MORE, STEPHEN.

805
00:24:48,654 --> 00:24:51,889
DIDN'T GET TO WHERE I
APPRECIATED LAND MORE, STEPHEN.
I-- BEING AT SEA WAS JUST-- JUST

806
00:24:51,891 --> 00:24:55,259
APPRECIATED LAND MORE, STEPHEN.
I-- BEING AT SEA WAS JUST-- JUST
A MAGIC THING FOR ME.

807
00:24:55,261 --> 00:24:55,693
I-- BEING AT SEA WAS JUST-- JUST
A MAGIC THING FOR ME.
REALLY MAGIC.

808
00:24:55,695 --> 00:24:57,728
A MAGIC THING FOR ME.
REALLY MAGIC.
AND I HAVE SOME OF THE MOST

809
00:24:57,730 --> 00:24:58,362
REALLY MAGIC.
AND I HAVE SOME OF THE MOST
INCREDIBLE SIGHTS AND

810
00:24:58,364 --> 00:25:01,765
AND I HAVE SOME OF THE MOST
INCREDIBLE SIGHTS AND
EXPERIENCES AND SOME LONG SAILS

811
00:25:01,767 --> 00:25:02,933
INCREDIBLE SIGHTS AND
EXPERIENCES AND SOME LONG SAILS
THAT WERE GREAT.

812
00:25:02,935 --> 00:25:04,001
EXPERIENCES AND SOME LONG SAILS
THAT WERE GREAT.
>> Stephen: ANY BIG STORMS?

813
00:25:04,003 --> 00:25:09,640
THAT WERE GREAT.
>> Stephen: ANY BIG STORMS?
>> I HAD A BIG STORM, IN 1979.

814
00:25:09,642 --> 00:25:14,311
>> Stephen: ANY BIG STORMS?
>> I HAD A BIG STORM, IN 1979.
I SAILED MY LITTLE SLOOP, THE

815
00:25:14,313 --> 00:25:17,081
>> I HAD A BIG STORM, IN 1979.
I SAILED MY LITTLE SLOOP, THE
30-FOOTER, TO BERMUDA.

816
00:25:17,083 --> 00:25:19,383
I SAILED MY LITTLE SLOOP, THE
30-FOOTER, TO BERMUDA.
AND SPENT ABOUT, I DON'T KNOW,

817
00:25:19,385 --> 00:25:21,452
30-FOOTER, TO BERMUDA.
AND SPENT ABOUT, I DON'T KNOW,
FOUR WEEKS DOWN THERE, FOUR,

818
00:25:21,454 --> 00:25:22,386
AND SPENT ABOUT, I DON'T KNOW,
FOUR WEEKS DOWN THERE, FOUR,
FIVE WEEKS.

819
00:25:22,388 --> 00:25:23,020
FOUR WEEKS DOWN THERE, FOUR,
FIVE WEEKS.
>> Stephen: UH-HUH.

820
00:25:23,022 --> 00:25:25,122
FIVE WEEKS.
>> Stephen: UH-HUH.
>> AND I WAS ON MY WAY BACK TO

821
00:25:25,124 --> 00:25:28,959
>> Stephen: UH-HUH.
>> AND I WAS ON MY WAY BACK TO
NEW YORK IN OCTOBER --

822
00:25:28,961 --> 00:25:30,027
>> AND I WAS ON MY WAY BACK TO
NEW YORK IN OCTOBER --
>> Stephen: HURRICANE SEASON.

823
00:25:30,029 --> 00:25:32,162
NEW YORK IN OCTOBER --
>> Stephen: HURRICANE SEASON.
>> AND HIT MY SURVIVAL STORM.

824
00:25:32,164 --> 00:25:33,030
>> Stephen: HURRICANE SEASON.
>> AND HIT MY SURVIVAL STORM.
>> Stephen: WOW.

825
00:25:33,032 --> 00:25:33,831
>> AND HIT MY SURVIVAL STORM.
>> Stephen: WOW.
HOW-- HOW LONG DID YOU HAVE TO

826
00:25:33,833 --> 00:25:36,166
>> Stephen: WOW.
HOW-- HOW LONG DID YOU HAVE TO
RIDE IT OUT?

827
00:25:36,168 --> 00:25:39,270
HOW-- HOW LONG DID YOU HAVE TO
RIDE IT OUT?
>> NOT VERY LONG.

828
00:25:39,272 --> 00:25:43,274
RIDE IT OUT?
>> NOT VERY LONG.
IT HIT AT 4:00 IN THE AFTERNOON

829
00:25:43,276 --> 00:25:44,909
>> NOT VERY LONG.
IT HIT AT 4:00 IN THE AFTERNOON
ON SATURDAY.

830
00:25:44,911 --> 00:25:49,880
IT HIT AT 4:00 IN THE AFTERNOON
ON SATURDAY.
I HAD TO RUN EASTWARD-- IT WAS

831
00:25:49,882 --> 00:25:50,247
ON SATURDAY.
I HAD TO RUN EASTWARD-- IT WAS
OUT OF THE WEST.

832
00:25:50,249 --> 00:25:55,286
I HAD TO RUN EASTWARD-- IT WAS
OUT OF THE WEST.
SO I HAD TO RUN EASTWARD FOR 26

833
00:25:55,288 --> 00:25:57,054
OUT OF THE WEST.
SO I HAD TO RUN EASTWARD FOR 26
HOURS.

834
00:25:57,056 --> 00:25:58,188
SO I HAD TO RUN EASTWARD FOR 26
HOURS.
AND THEN IT ABATED.

835
00:25:58,190 --> 00:25:59,890
HOURS.
AND THEN IT ABATED.
>> Stephen: WOW!

836
00:25:59,892 --> 00:26:00,291
AND THEN IT ABATED.
>> Stephen: WOW!
WOW!

837
00:26:00,293 --> 00:26:00,457
>> Stephen: WOW!
WOW!
WOW.

838
00:26:00,459 --> 00:26:01,492
WOW!
WOW.
I CAN IMAGINE ON THE OTHER SIDE

839
00:26:01,494 --> 00:26:03,260
WOW.
I CAN IMAGINE ON THE OTHER SIDE
OF THAT, YOU'RE A DIFFERENT MAN.

840
00:26:03,262 --> 00:26:06,597
I CAN IMAGINE ON THE OTHER SIDE
OF THAT, YOU'RE A DIFFERENT MAN.
>> WELL, YOU LEARN SOMETHING

841
00:26:06,599 --> 00:26:08,165
OF THAT, YOU'RE A DIFFERENT MAN.
>> WELL, YOU LEARN SOMETHING
ABOUT YOURSELF, I PROMISE YOU.

842
00:26:08,167 --> 00:26:09,867
>> WELL, YOU LEARN SOMETHING
ABOUT YOURSELF, I PROMISE YOU.
>> Stephen: WELL, YOU HAVE A

843
00:26:09,869 --> 00:26:11,869
ABOUT YOURSELF, I PROMISE YOU.
>> Stephen: WELL, YOU HAVE A
NEW SHOW NOW, "SOLOS."

844
00:26:11,871 --> 00:26:14,238
>> Stephen: WELL, YOU HAVE A
NEW SHOW NOW, "SOLOS."
IT'S SEVEN EPISODES, EACH

845
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,140
NEW SHOW NOW, "SOLOS."
IT'S SEVEN EPISODES, EACH
STARRING A DIFFERENT ACTOR, THE

846
00:26:16,142 --> 00:26:17,441
IT'S SEVEN EPISODES, EACH
STARRING A DIFFERENT ACTOR, THE
CAST INCLUDES YOU ANNE HATHAWAY,

847
00:26:17,443 --> 00:26:18,842
STARRING A DIFFERENT ACTOR, THE
CAST INCLUDES YOU ANNE HATHAWAY,
HELEN MIRREN, MANY OTHER PEOPLE.

848
00:26:18,844 --> 00:26:20,244
CAST INCLUDES YOU ANNE HATHAWAY,
HELEN MIRREN, MANY OTHER PEOPLE.
WE HAVE A CLIP RIGHT HERE.

849
00:26:20,246 --> 00:26:22,346
HELEN MIRREN, MANY OTHER PEOPLE.
WE HAVE A CLIP RIGHT HERE.
YOU CAN TELL US WHAT'S GOING ON

850
00:26:22,348 --> 00:26:23,280
WE HAVE A CLIP RIGHT HERE.
YOU CAN TELL US WHAT'S GOING ON
IN THIS CLIP?

851
00:26:23,282 --> 00:26:28,385
YOU CAN TELL US WHAT'S GOING ON
IN THIS CLIP?
>> I THINK I'VE DECIDED TO DANCE

852
00:26:28,387 --> 00:26:31,088
IN THIS CLIP?
>> I THINK I'VE DECIDED TO DANCE
BECAUSE MY MEMORY IS RETURNING,

853
00:26:31,090 --> 00:26:33,190
>> I THINK I'VE DECIDED TO DANCE
BECAUSE MY MEMORY IS RETURNING,
BUT THIS KID HAS GIVEN ME SOME

854
00:26:33,192 --> 00:26:37,161
BECAUSE MY MEMORY IS RETURNING,
BUT THIS KID HAS GIVEN ME SOME
SORT OF ELECTRONIC JOLT, AND

855
00:26:37,163 --> 00:26:40,397
BUT THIS KID HAS GIVEN ME SOME
SORT OF ELECTRONIC JOLT, AND
IT'S BRINGING BACK MEMORIES THAT

856
00:26:40,399 --> 00:26:46,236
SORT OF ELECTRONIC JOLT, AND
IT'S BRINGING BACK MEMORIES THAT
I HAVE SORT OF ALHIEMERSICALLY

857
00:26:46,238 --> 00:26:46,737
IT'S BRINGING BACK MEMORIES THAT
I HAVE SORT OF ALHIEMERSICALLY
PUT ASIDE.

858
00:26:46,739 --> 00:26:48,138
I HAVE SORT OF ALHIEMERSICALLY
PUT ASIDE.
>> Stephen: JIM.

859
00:26:48,140 --> 00:26:50,741
PUT ASIDE.
>> Stephen: JIM.
>> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

860
00:26:50,743 --> 00:26:51,275
>> Stephen: JIM.
>> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
LOOK AT ME!

861
00:26:51,277 --> 00:26:52,843
>> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
LOOK AT ME!
LOOK AT ME, MAN!

862
00:26:52,845 --> 00:26:54,678
LOOK AT ME!
LOOK AT ME, MAN!
I CAN AMBLE.

863
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,880
LOOK AT ME, MAN!
I CAN AMBLE.
MY MUSCLES REMEMBER.

864
00:26:56,882 --> 00:26:58,382
I CAN AMBLE.
MY MUSCLES REMEMBER.
MY BONES REACQUAINT.

865
00:26:58,384 --> 00:27:03,087
MY MUSCLES REMEMBER.
MY BONES REACQUAINT.
( LAUGHS )

866
00:27:03,089 --> 00:27:10,361
MY BONES REACQUAINT.
( LAUGHS )
LOOK, SOFT SHOE, TAP, JAZZ,

867
00:27:10,363 --> 00:27:13,163
( LAUGHS )
LOOK, SOFT SHOE, TAP, JAZZ,
MACARENA, ELECTRIC SLIDE.

868
00:27:13,165 --> 00:27:15,466
LOOK, SOFT SHOE, TAP, JAZZ,
MACARENA, ELECTRIC SLIDE.
WATCH ME.

869
00:27:15,468 --> 00:27:20,938
MACARENA, ELECTRIC SLIDE.
WATCH ME.
OH, YEAH.

870
00:27:20,940 --> 00:27:21,138
WATCH ME.
OH, YEAH.
WHOOO!

871
00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:26,243
OH, YEAH.
WHOOO!
>> Stephen: THE EPISODE TREATS

872
00:27:26,245 --> 00:27:27,778
WHOOO!
>> Stephen: THE EPISODE TREATS
MEMORIES LIKE TREASURED

873
00:27:27,780 --> 00:27:28,078
>> Stephen: THE EPISODE TREATS
MEMORIES LIKE TREASURED
POSSESSIONS.

874
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:33,283
MEMORIES LIKE TREASURED
POSSESSIONS.
DO YOU HAVE A MOST TREASURED

875
00:27:33,285 --> 00:27:33,517
POSSESSIONS.
DO YOU HAVE A MOST TREASURED
MEMORY?

876
00:27:33,519 --> 00:27:35,786
DO YOU HAVE A MOST TREASURED
MEMORY?
>> I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN CALL IT

877
00:27:35,788 --> 00:27:37,287
MEMORY?
>> I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN CALL IT
A "MOST TREASURED."

878
00:27:37,289 --> 00:27:41,592
>> I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN CALL IT
A "MOST TREASURED."
IT'S THE ONE THAT STICKS WITH

879
00:27:41,594 --> 00:27:41,925
A "MOST TREASURED."
IT'S THE ONE THAT STICKS WITH
ME.

880
00:27:41,927 --> 00:27:45,763
IT'S THE ONE THAT STICKS WITH
ME.
I WAS SIX YEARS-- ON MY SIXTH

881
00:27:45,765 --> 00:27:46,964
ME.
I WAS SIX YEARS-- ON MY SIXTH
BIRTHDAY, MY 84th IS COMING

882
00:27:46,966 --> 00:27:50,968
I WAS SIX YEARS-- ON MY SIXTH
BIRTHDAY, MY 84th IS COMING
UP IN ABOUT NO TIME.

883
00:27:50,970 --> 00:27:53,937
BIRTHDAY, MY 84th IS COMING
UP IN ABOUT NO TIME.
BUT THIS MOMENT, THIS DAY, THIS

884
00:27:53,939 --> 00:27:55,272
UP IN ABOUT NO TIME.
BUT THIS MOMENT, THIS DAY, THIS
MORNING, I REMEMBER IT AS IF IT

885
00:27:55,274 --> 00:27:56,407
BUT THIS MOMENT, THIS DAY, THIS
MORNING, I REMEMBER IT AS IF IT
WAS A MAGIC TIME.

886
00:27:56,409 --> 00:27:59,276
MORNING, I REMEMBER IT AS IF IT
WAS A MAGIC TIME.
I WAS WITH MY GRANDMOTHER, AND I

887
00:27:59,278 --> 00:28:01,912
WAS A MAGIC TIME.
I WAS WITH MY GRANDMOTHER, AND I
WOKE UP, CAME OUT OF THE HOUSE,

888
00:28:01,914 --> 00:28:04,682
I WAS WITH MY GRANDMOTHER, AND I
WOKE UP, CAME OUT OF THE HOUSE,
AND SHE WAS IN THE YARD DOING

889
00:28:04,684 --> 00:28:10,387
WOKE UP, CAME OUT OF THE HOUSE,
AND SHE WAS IN THE YARD DOING
SOMETHING WITH A BROOM OR A HOE.

890
00:28:10,389 --> 00:28:12,656
AND SHE WAS IN THE YARD DOING
SOMETHING WITH A BROOM OR A HOE.
AND I DON'T KNOW, WHATEVER SHE

891
00:28:12,658 --> 00:28:14,758
SOMETHING WITH A BROOM OR A HOE.
AND I DON'T KNOW, WHATEVER SHE
SAID TO ME, MADE ME FEEL LIKE,

892
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:15,292
AND I DON'T KNOW, WHATEVER SHE
SAID TO ME, MADE ME FEEL LIKE,
YEAH, I'M SPECIAL.

893
00:28:15,294 --> 00:28:16,393
SAID TO ME, MADE ME FEEL LIKE,
YEAH, I'M SPECIAL.
THIS IS MY DAY.

894
00:28:16,395 --> 00:28:17,127
YEAH, I'M SPECIAL.
THIS IS MY DAY.
YOU KNOW.

895
00:28:17,129 --> 00:28:18,362
THIS IS MY DAY.
YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: BEFORE WE-- BEFORE

896
00:28:18,364 --> 00:28:22,399
YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: BEFORE WE-- BEFORE
WE GO, THERE ARE SO MANY

897
00:28:22,401 --> 00:28:23,467
>> Stephen: BEFORE WE-- BEFORE
WE GO, THERE ARE SO MANY
WONDERFUL MORGAN FREEMAN MOVIES,

898
00:28:23,469 --> 00:28:25,969
WE GO, THERE ARE SO MANY
WONDERFUL MORGAN FREEMAN MOVIES,
SO MANY BELOVED FILMS.

899
00:28:25,971 --> 00:28:28,372
WONDERFUL MORGAN FREEMAN MOVIES,
SO MANY BELOVED FILMS.
WHAT IS MORGAN FREEMAN'S

900
00:28:28,374 --> 00:28:31,508
SO MANY BELOVED FILMS.
WHAT IS MORGAN FREEMAN'S
FAVORITE MORGAN FREEMAN FILM?

901
00:28:31,510 --> 00:28:34,378
WHAT IS MORGAN FREEMAN'S
FAVORITE MORGAN FREEMAN FILM?
>> ANYTHING I DID WITH CLINT

902
00:28:34,380 --> 00:28:34,645
FAVORITE MORGAN FREEMAN FILM?
>> ANYTHING I DID WITH CLINT
EASTWOOD.

903
00:28:34,647 --> 00:28:38,315
>> ANYTHING I DID WITH CLINT
EASTWOOD.
>> Stephen: "UNFORGIVEN."

904
00:28:38,317 --> 00:28:41,785
EASTWOOD.
>> Stephen: "UNFORGIVEN."
>> "UNFORGIVEN.

905
00:28:41,787 --> 00:28:43,287
>> Stephen: "UNFORGIVEN."
>> "UNFORGIVEN.
"MILLION DOLLAR BABY."

906
00:28:43,289 --> 00:28:47,291
>> "UNFORGIVEN.
"MILLION DOLLAR BABY."
AND HE DIRECTED "INVICTUS."

907
00:28:47,293 --> 00:28:50,828
"MILLION DOLLAR BABY."
AND HE DIRECTED "INVICTUS."
THAT MAY BE MY MOST STAND-UP

908
00:28:50,830 --> 00:28:51,028
AND HE DIRECTED "INVICTUS."
THAT MAY BE MY MOST STAND-UP
MOVIE.

909
00:28:51,030 --> 00:28:53,764
THAT MAY BE MY MOST STAND-UP
MOVIE.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, A LOT OF

910
00:28:53,766 --> 00:28:55,265
MOVIE.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, A LOT OF
PEOPLE WOULD HAVE SAID "THE

911
00:28:55,267 --> 00:28:56,567
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, A LOT OF
PEOPLE WOULD HAVE SAID "THE
SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION."

912
00:28:56,569 --> 00:28:58,368
PEOPLE WOULD HAVE SAID "THE
SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION."
AND I WAS TELLING TIM ROBBINS

913
00:28:58,370 --> 00:28:59,269
SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION."
AND I WAS TELLING TIM ROBBINS
WHEN HE WAS ON THE SHOW, I'VE

914
00:28:59,271 --> 00:29:00,704
AND I WAS TELLING TIM ROBBINS
WHEN HE WAS ON THE SHOW, I'VE
NEVER SEEN "THE SHAWSHANK

915
00:29:00,706 --> 00:29:01,004
WHEN HE WAS ON THE SHOW, I'VE
NEVER SEEN "THE SHAWSHANK
REDEMPTION."

916
00:29:01,006 --> 00:29:05,075
NEVER SEEN "THE SHAWSHANK
REDEMPTION."
AND I SAID TO HIM, "I THINK--" I

917
00:29:05,077 --> 00:29:05,309
REDEMPTION."
AND I SAID TO HIM, "I THINK--" I
KNOW.

918
00:29:05,311 --> 00:29:06,410
AND I SAID TO HIM, "I THINK--" I
KNOW.
THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.

919
00:29:06,412 --> 00:29:08,679
KNOW.
THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.
AND I SAID, "I THINK I SHOULD

920
00:29:08,681 --> 00:29:09,113
THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.
AND I SAID, "I THINK I SHOULD
WATCH "THE SHAWSHANK

921
00:29:09,115 --> 00:29:10,247
AND I SAID, "I THINK I SHOULD
WATCH "THE SHAWSHANK
REDEMPTION--" I WANT TO WATCH IT

922
00:29:10,249 --> 00:29:12,950
WATCH "THE SHAWSHANK
REDEMPTION--" I WANT TO WATCH IT
WITH YOU AND TIM ROBBINS.

923
00:29:12,952 --> 00:29:14,785
REDEMPTION--" I WANT TO WATCH IT
WITH YOU AND TIM ROBBINS.
COULD THE THREE OF US WATCH IT

924
00:29:14,787 --> 00:29:15,919
WITH YOU AND TIM ROBBINS.
COULD THE THREE OF US WATCH IT
TOGETHER, AND THEN WE COULD TALK

925
00:29:15,921 --> 00:29:16,186
COULD THE THREE OF US WATCH IT
TOGETHER, AND THEN WE COULD TALK
ABOUT IT?

926
00:29:16,188 --> 00:29:18,522
TOGETHER, AND THEN WE COULD TALK
ABOUT IT?
>> YOU ARRANGE THAT, I'M IN.

927
00:29:18,524 --> 00:29:19,623
ABOUT IT?
>> YOU ARRANGE THAT, I'M IN.
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT!

928
00:29:19,625 --> 00:29:21,725
>> YOU ARRANGE THAT, I'M IN.
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT!
THAT'S IT!

929
00:29:21,727 --> 00:29:23,627
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT!
THAT'S IT!
YOU HEAR THAT, TIM?

930
00:29:23,629 --> 00:29:27,064
THAT'S IT!
YOU HEAR THAT, TIM?
MORGAN'S IN.

931
00:29:27,066 --> 00:29:27,631
YOU HEAR THAT, TIM?
MORGAN'S IN.
"SOLOS" PREMIERES FRIDAY ON

932
00:29:27,633 --> 00:29:28,398
MORGAN'S IN.
"SOLOS" PREMIERES FRIDAY ON
AMAZON PRIME.

933
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:30,234
"SOLOS" PREMIERES FRIDAY ON
AMAZON PRIME.
MORGAN FREEMAN, EVERYBODY.

934
00:29:30,236 --> 00:29:32,603
AMAZON PRIME.
MORGAN FREEMAN, EVERYBODY.
MORGAN THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING

935
00:29:32,605 --> 00:29:32,936
MORGAN FREEMAN, EVERYBODY.
MORGAN THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING
HERE.

936
00:29:32,938 --> 00:29:34,371
MORGAN THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING
HERE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH

937
00:29:34,373 --> 00:29:35,272
HERE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
COMEDIAN TIG NOTARO.

938
00:29:35,274 --> 00:29:36,507
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
COMEDIAN TIG NOTARO.
♪ ♪ ♪

939
00:29:36,509 --> 00:29:38,842
COMEDIAN TIG NOTARO.
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪

940
00:29:43,148 --> 00:29:47,618
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪

941
00:29:48,186 --> 00:29:52,823
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK.
MY NEXT GUEST IS A STAND-UP

942
00:29:52,825 --> 00:29:53,457
WELCOME BACK.
MY NEXT GUEST IS A STAND-UP
COMEDIAN AND ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM

943
00:29:53,459 --> 00:29:54,024
MY NEXT GUEST IS A STAND-UP
COMEDIAN AND ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM
"ONE MISSISSIPPI" AND "STAR

944
00:29:54,026 --> 00:29:56,326
COMEDIAN AND ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM
"ONE MISSISSIPPI" AND "STAR
TREK: DISCOVERY."

945
00:29:56,328 --> 00:29:56,894
"ONE MISSISSIPPI" AND "STAR
TREK: DISCOVERY."
HER NEW FILM IS "ARMY OF THE

946
00:29:56,896 --> 00:30:00,631
TREK: DISCOVERY."
HER NEW FILM IS "ARMY OF THE
DEAD."

947
00:30:00,633 --> 00:30:02,666
HER NEW FILM IS "ARMY OF THE
DEAD."
>> WE PUT TOGETHER A CREW FOR A

948
00:30:02,668 --> 00:30:02,833
DEAD."
>> WE PUT TOGETHER A CREW FOR A
JOB.

949
00:30:02,835 --> 00:30:05,669
>> WE PUT TOGETHER A CREW FOR A
JOB.
>> YEAH, WHAT DOES IT PAY?

950
00:30:05,671 --> 00:30:08,172
JOB.
>> YEAH, WHAT DOES IT PAY?
>> YOU MAKE $2 MILLION FOR ONE

951
00:30:08,174 --> 00:30:09,206
>> YEAH, WHAT DOES IT PAY?
>> YOU MAKE $2 MILLION FOR ONE
DAY'S WORK.

952
00:30:09,208 --> 00:30:10,574
>> YOU MAKE $2 MILLION FOR ONE
DAY'S WORK.
>> $2 MILLION.

953
00:30:10,576 --> 00:30:11,642
DAY'S WORK.
>> $2 MILLION.
THAT'S MY SHARE?

954
00:30:11,644 --> 00:30:13,477
>> $2 MILLION.
THAT'S MY SHARE?
THAT'S JUST FOR ME?

955
00:30:13,479 --> 00:30:17,281
THAT'S MY SHARE?
THAT'S JUST FOR ME?
$2 MILLION IF IT PANS OUT.

956
00:30:17,283 --> 00:30:18,282
THAT'S JUST FOR ME?
$2 MILLION IF IT PANS OUT.
100% I'M IN, YEAH.

957
00:30:18,284 --> 00:30:20,384
$2 MILLION IF IT PANS OUT.
100% I'M IN, YEAH.
>> YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW, YOU

958
00:30:20,386 --> 00:30:22,119
100% I'M IN, YEAH.
>> YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW, YOU
KNOW, THE RISKS OR--

959
00:30:22,121 --> 00:30:24,788
>> YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW, YOU
KNOW, THE RISKS OR--
>> WHY WOULD I WANT TO KNOW THE

960
00:30:24,790 --> 00:30:26,089
KNOW, THE RISKS OR--
>> WHY WOULD I WANT TO KNOW THE
RISKS?

961
00:30:26,091 --> 00:30:26,857
>> WHY WOULD I WANT TO KNOW THE
RISKS?
$2 MILLION.

962
00:30:26,859 --> 00:30:28,258
RISKS?
$2 MILLION.
THAT'S A LOT OF CASH.

963
00:30:28,260 --> 00:30:29,560
$2 MILLION.
THAT'S A LOT OF CASH.
LISTEN, I HATE MY LIFE SO

964
00:30:29,562 --> 00:30:31,995
THAT'S A LOT OF CASH.
LISTEN, I HATE MY LIFE SO
DEEPLY, IF I HAD $2 MILLION, MY

965
00:30:31,997 --> 00:30:34,298
LISTEN, I HATE MY LIFE SO
DEEPLY, IF I HAD $2 MILLION, MY
LIFE WOULD CHANGE DRASTICALLY.

966
00:30:34,300 --> 00:30:35,032
DEEPLY, IF I HAD $2 MILLION, MY
LIFE WOULD CHANGE DRASTICALLY.
YEAH.

967
00:30:35,034 --> 00:30:36,500
LIFE WOULD CHANGE DRASTICALLY.
YEAH.
THANK YOU.

968
00:30:36,502 --> 00:30:36,800
YEAH.
THANK YOU.
YES.

969
00:30:36,802 --> 00:30:39,136
THANK YOU.
YES.
>> YOU YOU'RE YOU DON'T WANT TO

970
00:30:39,138 --> 00:30:39,336
YES.
>> YOU YOU'RE YOU DON'T WANT TO
KNOW?

971
00:30:39,338 --> 00:30:41,672
>> YOU YOU'RE YOU DON'T WANT TO
KNOW?
>> I BET IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO

972
00:30:41,674 --> 00:30:42,840
KNOW?
>> I BET IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO
WITH A HELICOPTER?

973
00:30:42,842 --> 00:30:43,440
>> I BET IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO
WITH A HELICOPTER?
>> YEAH.

974
00:30:43,442 --> 00:30:44,374
WITH A HELICOPTER?
>> YEAH.
>> AND THE HELICOPTER GUY?

975
00:30:44,376 --> 00:30:44,975
>> YEAH.
>> AND THE HELICOPTER GUY?
>> YEAH.

976
00:30:44,977 --> 00:30:45,342
>> AND THE HELICOPTER GUY?
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH.

977
00:30:45,344 --> 00:30:48,378
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH.
WHERE DO I SIGN?

978
00:30:48,380 --> 00:30:48,712
>> YEAH.
WHERE DO I SIGN?
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>

979
00:30:48,714 --> 00:30:49,346
WHERE DO I SIGN?
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK

980
00:30:49,348 --> 00:30:51,348
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK
TO "A LATE SHOW," TIG NOTARO.

981
00:30:51,350 --> 00:30:52,983
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK
TO "A LATE SHOW," TIG NOTARO.
HEY, TIG.

982
00:30:52,985 --> 00:30:53,984
TO "A LATE SHOW," TIG NOTARO.
HEY, TIG.
>> HE, STEPHEN.

983
00:30:53,986 --> 00:30:55,285
HEY, TIG.
>> HE, STEPHEN.
HOW ARE YOU?

984
00:30:55,287 --> 00:30:56,220
>> HE, STEPHEN.
HOW ARE YOU?
>> Stephen: I'M DOING GREAT.

985
00:30:56,222 --> 00:30:57,988
HOW ARE YOU?
>> Stephen: I'M DOING GREAT.
I AM-- I AM TRULY LOOKING

986
00:30:57,990 --> 00:31:00,791
>> Stephen: I'M DOING GREAT.
I AM-- I AM TRULY LOOKING
FORWARD TO YOUR PERFORMANCE IN

987
00:31:00,793 --> 00:31:04,294
I AM-- I AM TRULY LOOKING
FORWARD TO YOUR PERFORMANCE IN
"ARMY OF THE DEAD."

988
00:31:04,296 --> 00:31:05,362
FORWARD TO YOUR PERFORMANCE IN
"ARMY OF THE DEAD."
PEOPLE HAVE BEEN FREAKING OUT A

989
00:31:05,364 --> 00:31:07,464
"ARMY OF THE DEAD."
PEOPLE HAVE BEEN FREAKING OUT A
LITTLE BIT AT ALL THE PREVIEWS

990
00:31:07,466 --> 00:31:09,666
PEOPLE HAVE BEEN FREAKING OUT A
LITTLE BIT AT ALL THE PREVIEWS
OF YOU IN THIS MOVIE.

991
00:31:09,668 --> 00:31:13,337
LITTLE BIT AT ALL THE PREVIEWS
OF YOU IN THIS MOVIE.
WE'RE USED TO LOVING TIG NOTARO,

992
00:31:13,339 --> 00:31:16,406
OF YOU IN THIS MOVIE.
WE'RE USED TO LOVING TIG NOTARO,
BUT WE'RE NOT USED TO A BAD-ASS

993
00:31:16,408 --> 00:31:17,074
WE'RE USED TO LOVING TIG NOTARO,
BUT WE'RE NOT USED TO A BAD-ASS
TIG NOTARO.

994
00:31:17,076 --> 00:31:18,442
BUT WE'RE NOT USED TO A BAD-ASS
TIG NOTARO.
DO YOU ENJOY, YOU KNOW, HAVING

995
00:31:18,444 --> 00:31:21,378
TIG NOTARO.
DO YOU ENJOY, YOU KNOW, HAVING
THE LITTLE YOU KNOW KICKING A

996
00:31:21,380 --> 00:31:23,614
DO YOU ENJOY, YOU KNOW, HAVING
THE LITTLE YOU KNOW KICKING A
LITTLE ASS AND TAKING NAMES?

997
00:31:23,616 --> 00:31:25,015
THE LITTLE YOU KNOW KICKING A
LITTLE ASS AND TAKING NAMES?
DOES THIS FEEL NATURAL ON ANY

998
00:31:25,017 --> 00:31:25,582
LITTLE ASS AND TAKING NAMES?
DOES THIS FEEL NATURAL ON ANY
LEVEL TO YOU?

999
00:31:25,584 --> 00:31:26,817
DOES THIS FEEL NATURAL ON ANY
LEVEL TO YOU?
>> IT FEELS GOOD.

1000
00:31:26,819 --> 00:31:28,118
LEVEL TO YOU?
>> IT FEELS GOOD.
IT'S FUNNY, I REMEMBER WHEN I

1001
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,320
>> IT FEELS GOOD.
IT'S FUNNY, I REMEMBER WHEN I
PUT ON THE OUTFIT FOR THE FIRST

1002
00:31:30,322 --> 00:31:32,122
IT'S FUNNY, I REMEMBER WHEN I
PUT ON THE OUTFIT FOR THE FIRST
TIME AND WALKED OUT IN FRONT OF

1003
00:31:32,124 --> 00:31:32,389
PUT ON THE OUTFIT FOR THE FIRST
TIME AND WALKED OUT IN FRONT OF
EVERYONE.

1004
00:31:32,391 --> 00:31:36,093
TIME AND WALKED OUT IN FRONT OF
EVERYONE.
THEY WERE LIKE, "OKAY...

1005
00:31:36,095 --> 00:31:38,262
EVERYONE.
THEY WERE LIKE, "OKAY...
I THINK THIS MIGHT BE YOUR

1006
00:31:38,264 --> 00:31:38,495
THEY WERE LIKE, "OKAY...
I THINK THIS MIGHT BE YOUR
THING."

1007
00:31:38,497 --> 00:31:40,030
I THINK THIS MIGHT BE YOUR
THING."
>> Stephen: IT LOOKS LIKE A

1008
00:31:40,032 --> 00:31:40,564
THING."
>> Stephen: IT LOOKS LIKE A
COMFY JUMPSUIT.

1009
00:31:40,566 --> 00:31:42,165
>> Stephen: IT LOOKS LIKE A
COMFY JUMPSUIT.
>> YEAH, THEY GAVE ME ONE TO

1010
00:31:42,167 --> 00:31:44,835
COMFY JUMPSUIT.
>> YEAH, THEY GAVE ME ONE TO
TAKE HOME, WHICH IS NICE!

1011
00:31:44,837 --> 00:31:46,803
>> YEAH, THEY GAVE ME ONE TO
TAKE HOME, WHICH IS NICE!
>> Stephen: OH, THAT IS NICE.

1012
00:31:46,805 --> 00:31:48,372
TAKE HOME, WHICH IS NICE!
>> Stephen: OH, THAT IS NICE.
I KNOW-- I HEARD THAT YOU

1013
00:31:48,374 --> 00:31:49,840
>> Stephen: OH, THAT IS NICE.
I KNOW-- I HEARD THAT YOU
ACTUALLY REPLACED AN ACTOR WHO

1014
00:31:49,842 --> 00:31:51,341
I KNOW-- I HEARD THAT YOU
ACTUALLY REPLACED AN ACTOR WHO
HAD ALREADY SHOT THIS PART, SO

1015
00:31:51,343 --> 00:31:53,277
ACTUALLY REPLACED AN ACTOR WHO
HAD ALREADY SHOT THIS PART, SO
THEY CAME IN AND SAID, "OKAY,

1016
00:31:53,279 --> 00:31:54,478
HAD ALREADY SHOT THIS PART, SO
THEY CAME IN AND SAID, "OKAY,
THE MOVIE IS DONE BUT WE'RE

1017
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:55,879
THEY CAME IN AND SAID, "OKAY,
THE MOVIE IS DONE BUT WE'RE
GOING TO PUT YOU INTO THIS

1018
00:31:55,881 --> 00:31:56,079
THE MOVIE IS DONE BUT WE'RE
GOING TO PUT YOU INTO THIS
PART."

1019
00:31:56,081 --> 00:31:57,481
GOING TO PUT YOU INTO THIS
PART."
SO YOU GOT TO SEE THE WHOLE

1020
00:31:57,483 --> 00:32:00,284
PART."
SO YOU GOT TO SEE THE WHOLE
MOVIE BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY EVEN

1021
00:32:00,286 --> 00:32:01,151
SO YOU GOT TO SEE THE WHOLE
MOVIE BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY EVEN
DECIDED WHETHER YOU WANTED TO BE

1022
00:32:01,153 --> 00:32:02,686
MOVIE BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY EVEN
DECIDED WHETHER YOU WANTED TO BE
IN THE MOVIE, RIGHT?

1023
00:32:02,688 --> 00:32:04,221
DECIDED WHETHER YOU WANTED TO BE
IN THE MOVIE, RIGHT?
>> CORRECT.

1024
00:32:04,223 --> 00:32:04,655
IN THE MOVIE, RIGHT?
>> CORRECT.
YEAH.

1025
00:32:04,657 --> 00:32:06,556
>> CORRECT.
YEAH.
>> Stephen: AND, OBVIOUSLY, I

1026
00:32:06,558 --> 00:32:08,225
YEAH.
>> Stephen: AND, OBVIOUSLY, I
DON'T WANT YOU TO TELL ME

1027
00:32:08,227 --> 00:32:08,859
>> Stephen: AND, OBVIOUSLY, I
DON'T WANT YOU TO TELL ME
ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS IN

1028
00:32:08,861 --> 00:32:10,994
DON'T WANT YOU TO TELL ME
ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS IN
THE MOVIE, BUT DID YOU-- SO

1029
00:32:10,996 --> 00:32:12,796
ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS IN
THE MOVIE, BUT DID YOU-- SO
YOU-- WERE YOU NEVER ON SET

1030
00:32:12,798 --> 00:32:17,234
THE MOVIE, BUT DID YOU-- SO
YOU-- WERE YOU NEVER ON SET
WITH, LIKE, DAVE BAH TEFT OR

1031
00:32:17,236 --> 00:32:17,467
YOU-- WERE YOU NEVER ON SET
WITH, LIKE, DAVE BAH TEFT OR
ANYBODY?

1032
00:32:17,469 --> 00:32:22,039
WITH, LIKE, DAVE BAH TEFT OR
ANYBODY?
>> I NEVER MET DAVE BAUTISTE IN

1033
00:32:22,041 --> 00:32:24,107
ANYBODY?
>> I NEVER MET DAVE BAUTISTE IN
MY LIFE, I NEVER MET THE MAN.

1034
00:32:24,109 --> 00:32:26,176
>> I NEVER MET DAVE BAUTISTE IN
MY LIFE, I NEVER MET THE MAN.
>> NONE OF THE OTHER ACTORS.

1035
00:32:26,178 --> 00:32:28,745
MY LIFE, I NEVER MET THE MAN.
>> NONE OF THE OTHER ACTORS.
IT'S JUST YOU ON GREEN SCREEN

1036
00:32:28,747 --> 00:32:29,613
>> NONE OF THE OTHER ACTORS.
IT'S JUST YOU ON GREEN SCREEN
THE ENTIRE TIME.

1037
00:32:29,615 --> 00:32:32,249
IT'S JUST YOU ON GREEN SCREEN
THE ENTIRE TIME.
>> IT IS ME ON GREEN SCREEN THE

1038
00:32:32,251 --> 00:32:32,816
THE ENTIRE TIME.
>> IT IS ME ON GREEN SCREEN THE
WHOLE TIME.

1039
00:32:32,818 --> 00:32:36,787
>> IT IS ME ON GREEN SCREEN THE
WHOLE TIME.
BUT THERE IS A HALF DAY ANAUONE

1040
00:32:36,789 --> 00:32:38,722
WHOLE TIME.
BUT THERE IS A HALF DAY ANAUONE
OF THE ACTS CAME, AND SHE WALKED

1041
00:32:38,724 --> 00:32:41,658
BUT THERE IS A HALF DAY ANAUONE
OF THE ACTS CAME, AND SHE WALKED
ME FROM A STAIRWELL TO HALFWAY

1042
00:32:41,660 --> 00:32:42,559
OF THE ACTS CAME, AND SHE WALKED
ME FROM A STAIRWELL TO HALFWAY
TO MY HELICOPTER.

1043
00:32:42,561 --> 00:32:52,135
ME FROM A STAIRWELL TO HALFWAY
TO MY HELICOPTER.
AND MY ASSISTANT WAS ON SET AND

1044
00:32:52,137 --> 00:32:53,904
TO MY HELICOPTER.
AND MY ASSISTANT WAS ON SET AND
HE'S S 6'2" AND THEY WOULD PUT M

1045
00:32:53,906 --> 00:32:55,706
AND MY ASSISTANT WAS ON SET AND
HE'S S 6'2" AND THEY WOULD PUT M
IN A GREEN SUIT AND EVERY NOW

1046
00:32:55,708 --> 00:32:57,674
HE'S S 6'2" AND THEY WOULD PUT M
IN A GREEN SUIT AND EVERY NOW
AND THEN I WOULD LOOK UP AND

1047
00:32:57,676 --> 00:32:58,809
IN A GREEN SUIT AND EVERY NOW
AND THEN I WOULD LOOK UP AND
LOOK AT HIM.

1048
00:32:58,811 --> 00:33:00,243
AND THEN I WOULD LOOK UP AND
LOOK AT HIM.
>> Stephen: WAS HE SUPPOSED TO

1049
00:33:00,245 --> 00:33:01,845
LOOK AT HIM.
>> Stephen: WAS HE SUPPOSED TO
BE DAVE BAUTISTA?

1050
00:33:01,847 --> 00:33:03,780
>> Stephen: WAS HE SUPPOSED TO
BE DAVE BAUTISTA?
>> YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.

1051
00:33:03,782 --> 00:33:06,283
BE DAVE BAUTISTA?
>> YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.
IT WAS SUCH A TECHNICAL SHOOT,

1052
00:33:06,285 --> 00:33:07,818
>> YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.
IT WAS SUCH A TECHNICAL SHOOT,
THAT THEY WOULD SAY, "LOOK IN

1053
00:33:07,820 --> 00:33:09,219
IT WAS SUCH A TECHNICAL SHOOT,
THAT THEY WOULD SAY, "LOOK IN
THIS DIRECTION, WALK EXACTLY ON

1054
00:33:09,221 --> 00:33:10,020
THAT THEY WOULD SAY, "LOOK IN
THIS DIRECTION, WALK EXACTLY ON
THIS LINE."

1055
00:33:10,022 --> 00:33:11,989
THIS DIRECTION, WALK EXACTLY ON
THIS LINE."
AND I DWOWLD THAT, AND THEN

1056
00:33:11,991 --> 00:33:13,657
THIS LINE."
AND I DWOWLD THAT, AND THEN
THEY'D LOOK AT IT ON THE SCREEN,

1057
00:33:13,659 --> 00:33:15,225
AND I DWOWLD THAT, AND THEN
THEY'D LOOK AT IT ON THE SCREEN,
AFTER THEY GREEN SCREENED MY

1058
00:33:15,227 --> 00:33:16,560
THEY'D LOOK AT IT ON THE SCREEN,
AFTER THEY GREEN SCREENED MY
PERFORMANCE IN, AND THEN THEY'D

1059
00:33:16,562 --> 00:33:19,396
AFTER THEY GREEN SCREENED MY
PERFORMANCE IN, AND THEN THEY'D
COME BACK AND SAY, "YOU KNOW

1060
00:33:19,398 --> 00:33:20,998
PERFORMANCE IN, AND THEN THEY'D
COME BACK AND SAY, "YOU KNOW
WHAT, LET'S MOVE IS TA

1061
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,500
COME BACK AND SAY, "YOU KNOW
WHAT, LET'S MOVE IS TA
CENTIMETER TO THE LEFT AND DO IT

1062
00:33:23,502 --> 00:33:24,334
WHAT, LET'S MOVE IS TA
CENTIMETER TO THE LEFT AND DO IT
EXACTLY THE SAME.

1063
00:33:24,336 --> 00:33:25,669
CENTIMETER TO THE LEFT AND DO IT
EXACTLY THE SAME.
AND SOMETIMES THEY'D HANG A

1064
00:33:25,671 --> 00:33:28,005
EXACTLY THE SAME.
AND SOMETIMES THEY'D HANG A
TENNIS BALL, LIKE HOW YOU DO IN

1065
00:33:28,007 --> 00:33:29,673
AND SOMETIMES THEY'D HANG A
TENNIS BALL, LIKE HOW YOU DO IN
A GARAGE, WHERE TO PARK.

1066
00:33:29,675 --> 00:33:31,508
TENNIS BALL, LIKE HOW YOU DO IN
A GARAGE, WHERE TO PARK.
>> Stephen: PARK YOUR CAR,

1067
00:33:31,510 --> 00:33:31,708
A GARAGE, WHERE TO PARK.
>> Stephen: PARK YOUR CAR,
SURE.

1068
00:33:31,710 --> 00:33:32,109
>> Stephen: PARK YOUR CAR,
SURE.
>> YEAH.

1069
00:33:32,111 --> 00:33:33,643
SURE.
>> YEAH.
OR THEY'D PUT A LITTLE PIECE OF

1070
00:33:33,645 --> 00:33:34,911
>> YEAH.
OR THEY'D PUT A LITTLE PIECE OF
TAPE ON THE WALL IN THE

1071
00:33:34,913 --> 00:33:35,178
OR THEY'D PUT A LITTLE PIECE OF
TAPE ON THE WALL IN THE
DISTANCE.

1072
00:33:35,180 --> 00:33:37,447
TAPE ON THE WALL IN THE
DISTANCE.
THEY'D BE LIKE, "LOOK AT THAT.

1073
00:33:37,449 --> 00:33:38,915
DISTANCE.
THEY'D BE LIKE, "LOOK AT THAT.
WALK ALONG THIS LINE."

1074
00:33:38,917 --> 00:33:39,983
THEY'D BE LIKE, "LOOK AT THAT.
WALK ALONG THIS LINE."
BECAUSE I HAD TO RECREATE

1075
00:33:39,985 --> 00:33:41,685
WALK ALONG THIS LINE."
BECAUSE I HAD TO RECREATE
SIMILAR MOVEMENTS AS THE

1076
00:33:41,687 --> 00:33:44,087
BECAUSE I HAD TO RECREATE
SIMILAR MOVEMENTS AS THE
PREVIOUS ACTOR, AND, ALSO, IN

1077
00:33:44,089 --> 00:33:46,523
SIMILAR MOVEMENTS AS THE
PREVIOUS ACTOR, AND, ALSO, IN
GROUP SHOTS, I NEEDED TO FALL IN

1078
00:33:46,525 --> 00:33:49,526
PREVIOUS ACTOR, AND, ALSO, IN
GROUP SHOTS, I NEEDED TO FALL IN
LINE EXACTLY WHERE THE REST OF

1079
00:33:49,528 --> 00:33:50,694
GROUP SHOTS, I NEEDED TO FALL IN
LINE EXACTLY WHERE THE REST OF
THE CAST WAS.

1080
00:33:50,696 --> 00:33:52,562
LINE EXACTLY WHERE THE REST OF
THE CAST WAS.
IT WAS INSANE.

1081
00:33:52,564 --> 00:33:56,733
THE CAST WAS.
IT WAS INSANE.
>> Stephen: SO WAS IT JUST YOU

1082
00:33:56,735 --> 00:33:57,334
IT WAS INSANE.
>> Stephen: SO WAS IT JUST YOU
AND ZAK SNYDER TOGETHER, JUST

1083
00:33:57,336 --> 00:33:57,868
>> Stephen: SO WAS IT JUST YOU
AND ZAK SNYDER TOGETHER, JUST
THE TWO OF YOU?

1084
00:33:57,870 --> 00:34:01,671
AND ZAK SNYDER TOGETHER, JUST
THE TWO OF YOU?
>> HE HAD A SCALED DOWN CREW,

1085
00:34:01,673 --> 00:34:05,242
THE TWO OF YOU?
>> HE HAD A SCALED DOWN CREW,
AND, YEAH, IT WAS-- IT WAS

1086
00:34:05,244 --> 00:34:05,675
>> HE HAD A SCALED DOWN CREW,
AND, YEAH, IT WAS-- IT WAS
REALLY SCALED DOWN.

1087
00:34:05,677 --> 00:34:07,944
AND, YEAH, IT WAS-- IT WAS
REALLY SCALED DOWN.
AND HE WAS THE CINEMATOGRAPHER.

1088
00:34:07,946 --> 00:34:10,180
REALLY SCALED DOWN.
AND HE WAS THE CINEMATOGRAPHER.
HE WAS THE CAMERAMAN, THE THE

1089
00:34:10,182 --> 00:34:10,447
AND HE WAS THE CINEMATOGRAPHER.
HE WAS THE CAMERAMAN, THE THE
DIRECTOR.

1090
00:34:10,449 --> 00:34:10,814
HE WAS THE CAMERAMAN, THE THE
DIRECTOR.
>> Stephen: WOW.

1091
00:34:10,816 --> 00:34:11,615
DIRECTOR.
>> Stephen: WOW.
>> IT WAS PRETTY INCREDIBLE.

1092
00:34:11,617 --> 00:34:12,582
>> Stephen: WOW.
>> IT WAS PRETTY INCREDIBLE.
>> Stephen: DID YOU LIKE THE

1093
00:34:12,584 --> 00:34:15,152
>> IT WAS PRETTY INCREDIBLE.
>> Stephen: DID YOU LIKE THE
GREEN SCREEN ACTING, OR DOES IT

1094
00:34:15,154 --> 00:34:15,986
>> Stephen: DID YOU LIKE THE
GREEN SCREEN ACTING, OR DOES IT
FEEL STERILE?

1095
00:34:15,988 --> 00:34:19,222
GREEN SCREEN ACTING, OR DOES IT
FEEL STERILE?
>> I HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH ZAK.

1096
00:34:19,224 --> 00:34:20,123
FEEL STERILE?
>> I HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH ZAK.
I TRULY DID.

1097
00:34:20,125 --> 00:34:21,324
>> I HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH ZAK.
I TRULY DID.
I HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH HIM.

1098
00:34:21,326 --> 00:34:22,192
I TRULY DID.
I HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH HIM.
AND THE CREW.

1099
00:34:22,194 --> 00:34:23,326
I HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH HIM.
AND THE CREW.
THEY WERE SO INCREDIBLE.

1100
00:34:23,328 --> 00:34:30,067
AND THE CREW.
THEY WERE SO INCREDIBLE.
BUT I NEVER WANT TO DO IT AGAIN.

1101
00:34:30,069 --> 00:34:31,968
THEY WERE SO INCREDIBLE.
BUT I NEVER WANT TO DO IT AGAIN.
I WANT TO BE IN AN ACTUAL MOVIE

1102
00:34:31,970 --> 00:34:32,536
BUT I NEVER WANT TO DO IT AGAIN.
I WANT TO BE IN AN ACTUAL MOVIE
WITH PEOPLE.

1103
00:34:32,538 --> 00:34:32,669
I WANT TO BE IN AN ACTUAL MOVIE
WITH PEOPLE.
>>

1104
00:34:32,671 --> 00:34:34,471
WITH PEOPLE.
>>
>> Stephen:  THERE YOU ARE.

1105
00:34:34,473 --> 00:34:35,272
>>
>> Stephen:  THERE YOU ARE.
THERE YOU ARE.

1106
00:34:35,274 --> 00:34:37,274
>> Stephen:  THERE YOU ARE.
THERE YOU ARE.
WITH KEY POINT OUT WHAT YOU'RE

1107
00:34:37,276 --> 00:34:37,507
THERE YOU ARE.
WITH KEY POINT OUT WHAT YOU'RE
WEARING?

1108
00:34:37,509 --> 00:34:39,676
WITH KEY POINT OUT WHAT YOU'RE
WEARING?
YOU'RE WEARING SLIP-ON

1109
00:34:39,678 --> 00:34:41,378
WEARING?
YOU'RE WEARING SLIP-ON
FLIP-FLOPS FROM, LIKE, A DAY

1110
00:34:41,380 --> 00:34:41,545
YOU'RE WEARING SLIP-ON
FLIP-FLOPS FROM, LIKE, A DAY
SPA.

1111
00:34:41,547 --> 00:34:42,446
FLIP-FLOPS FROM, LIKE, A DAY
SPA.
IS THAT YOUR CHOICE OR A

1112
00:34:42,448 --> 00:34:42,846
SPA.
IS THAT YOUR CHOICE OR A
CHARACTER CHOICE?

1113
00:34:42,848 --> 00:34:45,415
IS THAT YOUR CHOICE OR A
CHARACTER CHOICE?
>> YOU'RE BLOWING MY COOL,

1114
00:34:45,417 --> 00:34:45,649
CHARACTER CHOICE?
>> YOU'RE BLOWING MY COOL,
STEPHEN.

1115
00:34:45,651 --> 00:34:46,683
>> YOU'RE BLOWING MY COOL,
STEPHEN.
EVIDENCE TRENDING ON TWITTER FOR

1116
00:34:46,685 --> 00:34:49,386
STEPHEN.
EVIDENCE TRENDING ON TWITTER FOR
BEING A BAD ASS, AND HOT, AND

1117
00:34:49,388 --> 00:34:50,554
EVIDENCE TRENDING ON TWITTER FOR
BEING A BAD ASS, AND HOT, AND
NOW YOU'RE SHOWING THAT I'M, YOU

1118
00:34:50,556 --> 00:34:53,156
BEING A BAD ASS, AND HOT, AND
NOW YOU'RE SHOWING THAT I'M, YOU
KNOW, A VERY TYPICAL GAY WOMAN

1119
00:34:53,158 --> 00:34:54,324
NOW YOU'RE SHOWING THAT I'M, YOU
KNOW, A VERY TYPICAL GAY WOMAN
IN COMFORTABLE SHOES.

1120
00:34:54,326 --> 00:34:54,858
KNOW, A VERY TYPICAL GAY WOMAN
IN COMFORTABLE SHOES.
<i> (  LAUGHTER  ).</i>

1121
00:34:54,860 --> 00:34:55,725
IN COMFORTABLE SHOES.
<i> (  LAUGHTER  ).</i>
>> Stephen: OH, OKAY.

1122
00:34:55,727 --> 00:34:57,194
<i> (  LAUGHTER  ).</i>
>> Stephen: OH, OKAY.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS-- I

1123
00:34:57,196 --> 00:34:58,562
>> Stephen: OH, OKAY.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS-- I
DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS TYPICAL.

1124
00:34:58,564 --> 00:34:59,596
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS-- I
DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS TYPICAL.
I HAD HEARD--

1125
00:34:59,598 --> 00:35:00,030
DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS TYPICAL.
I HAD HEARD--
>> YOU DIDN'T --

1126
00:35:00,032 --> 00:35:01,965
I HAD HEARD--
>> YOU DIDN'T --
>> Stephen: NO, I DID NOT KNOW

1127
00:35:01,967 --> 00:35:03,533
>> YOU DIDN'T --
>> Stephen: NO, I DID NOT KNOW
THAT WAS TYPICAL OF GAY WOMEN

1128
00:35:03,535 --> 00:35:04,434
>> Stephen: NO, I DID NOT KNOW
THAT WAS TYPICAL OF GAY WOMEN
WAS TO BE COMFORTABLE.

1129
00:35:04,436 --> 00:35:07,704
THAT WAS TYPICAL OF GAY WOMEN
WAS TO BE COMFORTABLE.
>> YES, GAY WOMEN WEAR

1130
00:35:07,706 --> 00:35:08,105
WAS TO BE COMFORTABLE.
>> YES, GAY WOMEN WEAR
COMFORTABLE SHOES.

1131
00:35:08,107 --> 00:35:08,672
>> YES, GAY WOMEN WEAR
COMFORTABLE SHOES.
>> Stephen: OH, YEAH.

1132
00:35:08,674 --> 00:35:10,607
COMFORTABLE SHOES.
>> Stephen: OH, YEAH.
>> I GUESS WE DON'T RUN IN THE

1133
00:35:10,609 --> 00:35:11,308
>> Stephen: OH, YEAH.
>> I GUESS WE DON'T RUN IN THE
SAME CIRCLE S.

1134
00:35:11,310 --> 00:35:11,908
>> I GUESS WE DON'T RUN IN THE
SAME CIRCLE S.
>> Stephen:  CONGRATULATIONS.

1135
00:35:11,910 --> 00:35:12,809
SAME CIRCLE S.
>> Stephen:  CONGRATULATIONS.
THAT'S A GREAT CHOICE.

1136
00:35:12,811 --> 00:35:13,810
>> Stephen:  CONGRATULATIONS.
THAT'S A GREAT CHOICE.
>> THANK YOU.

1137
00:35:13,812 --> 00:35:16,680
THAT'S A GREAT CHOICE.
>> THANK YOU.
IT'S ONE OF MY BIG

1138
00:35:16,682 --> 00:35:17,047
>> THANK YOU.
IT'S ONE OF MY BIG
ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

1139
00:35:17,049 --> 00:35:18,115
IT'S ONE OF MY BIG
ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A

1140
00:35:18,117 --> 00:35:19,783
ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK, BUT WHEN WE COME

1141
00:35:19,785 --> 00:35:21,151
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK, BUT WHEN WE COME
BACK, TIG AND I ARE GOING TO

1142
00:35:21,153 --> 00:35:24,154
QUICK BREAK, BUT WHEN WE COME
BACK, TIG AND I ARE GOING TO
TALK ABOUT COTTON CANDY.

1143
00:35:32,029 --> 00:35:39,102
♪ ♪ ♪

1144
00:35:43,441 --> 00:35:52,883
>> WHY IS THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
SHARING A BUILDING WITH HAMAS?
SURELY, THESE INTREPID REPORTERS

1145
00:35:52,885 --> 00:35:55,285
SHARING A BUILDING WITH HAMAS?
SURELY, THESE INTREPID REPORTERS
KNEW WHO THEIR NEIGHBORS WERE.

1146
00:35:55,287 --> 00:35:56,753
SURELY, THESE INTREPID REPORTERS
KNEW WHO THEIR NEIGHBORS WERE.
DID THEY KNOWINGLY ALLOW

1147
00:35:56,755 --> 00:35:58,822
KNEW WHO THEIR NEIGHBORS WERE.
DID THEY KNOWINGLY ALLOW
THEMSELVES TO BE USED AS HUMAN

1148
00:35:58,824 --> 00:36:02,125
DID THEY KNOWINGLY ALLOW
THEMSELVES TO BE USED AS HUMAN
SHIELDS BY A U.S.-DESIGNATED

1149
00:36:02,127 --> 00:36:02,626
THEMSELVES TO BE USED AS HUMAN
SHIELDS BY A U.S.-DESIGNATED
TERRORIST ORGANIZATION?

1150
00:36:02,628 --> 00:36:03,994
SHIELDS BY A U.S.-DESIGNATED
TERRORIST ORGANIZATION?
>> INTERESTING, AND HAMAS IS ON

1151
00:36:03,996 --> 00:36:06,029
TERRORIST ORGANIZATION?
>> INTERESTING, AND HAMAS IS ON
THE SAME PLANET AS SENATOR TOM

1152
00:36:06,031 --> 00:36:08,331
>> INTERESTING, AND HAMAS IS ON
THE SAME PLANET AS SENATOR TOM
COTTON, AND SENATOR TOM COTTON

1153
00:36:08,333 --> 00:36:09,733
THE SAME PLANET AS SENATOR TOM
COTTON, AND SENATOR TOM COTTON
IS IN THE SAME ROOM AS ME.

1154
00:36:09,735 --> 00:36:11,768
COTTON, AND SENATOR TOM COTTON
IS IN THE SAME ROOM AS ME.
AM I IN HAMAS?

1155
00:36:11,770 --> 00:36:15,105
IS IN THE SAME ROOM AS ME.
AM I IN HAMAS?
>> STICK AROUND FOR MORE HUGE

1156
00:36:15,107 --> 00:36:17,240
AM I IN HAMAS?
>> STICK AROUND FOR MORE HUGE
DUMB-ASS DETECTIVE.

1157
00:36:17,242 --> 00:36:17,674
>> STICK AROUND FOR MORE HUGE
DUMB-ASS DETECTIVE.
♪ ♪

1158
00:36:23,548 --> 00:36:30,554
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WE'RE BACK WITH THE BREAKOUT,

1159
00:36:30,556 --> 00:36:33,323
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WE'RE BACK WITH THE BREAKOUT,
BAD-ASS STAR OF "ARMY OF THE

1160
00:36:33,325 --> 00:36:33,823
WE'RE BACK WITH THE BREAKOUT,
BAD-ASS STAR OF "ARMY OF THE
DEAD," TIG NOTARO.

1161
00:36:33,825 --> 00:36:35,458
BAD-ASS STAR OF "ARMY OF THE
DEAD," TIG NOTARO.
I UNDERSTAND YOU GOT CERTIFIED

1162
00:36:35,460 --> 00:36:36,159
DEAD," TIG NOTARO.
I UNDERSTAND YOU GOT CERTIFIED
IN NUTRITION.

1163
00:36:36,161 --> 00:36:37,761
I UNDERSTAND YOU GOT CERTIFIED
IN NUTRITION.
IS THAT A THING?

1164
00:36:37,763 --> 00:36:38,995
IN NUTRITION.
IS THAT A THING?
AM I DESCRIBING THAT CORRECTLY?

1165
00:36:38,997 --> 00:36:41,164
IS THAT A THING?
AM I DESCRIBING THAT CORRECTLY?
YOU DID A SIX-WEEK COURSE, OR

1166
00:36:41,166 --> 00:36:42,232
AM I DESCRIBING THAT CORRECTLY?
YOU DID A SIX-WEEK COURSE, OR
SOMETHING?

1167
00:36:42,234 --> 00:36:43,433
YOU DID A SIX-WEEK COURSE, OR
SOMETHING?
>> IT'S PLANT-BASED NUTRITION.

1168
00:36:43,435 --> 00:36:43,833
SOMETHING?
>> IT'S PLANT-BASED NUTRITION.
>> Stephen: OKAY.

1169
00:36:43,835 --> 00:36:47,470
>> IT'S PLANT-BASED NUTRITION.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> I'M A CERTIFIED NUTRITIONIST

1170
00:36:47,472 --> 00:36:48,705
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> I'M A CERTIFIED NUTRITIONIST
IN PLANT-BASED NUTRITION.

1171
00:36:48,707 --> 00:36:50,307
>> I'M A CERTIFIED NUTRITIONIST
IN PLANT-BASED NUTRITION.
SO I'M HERE T HELP.

1172
00:36:50,309 --> 00:36:52,742
IN PLANT-BASED NUTRITION.
SO I'M HERE T HELP.
I DID IT FOR MY OWN HEALTH AND

1173
00:36:52,744 --> 00:36:54,077
SO I'M HERE T HELP.
I DID IT FOR MY OWN HEALTH AND
EDUCATION, BUT I ALSO WANT TO

1174
00:36:54,079 --> 00:36:54,744
I DID IT FOR MY OWN HEALTH AND
EDUCATION, BUT I ALSO WANT TO
HELP OTHER PEOPLE.

1175
00:36:54,746 --> 00:36:55,879
EDUCATION, BUT I ALSO WANT TO
HELP OTHER PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: NOW, WAS THIS IN

1176
00:36:55,881 --> 00:36:58,682
HELP OTHER PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: NOW, WAS THIS IN
ANY WAY, THIS CERTIFICATION IN

1177
00:36:58,684 --> 00:37:00,283
>> Stephen: NOW, WAS THIS IN
ANY WAY, THIS CERTIFICATION IN
NUTRITION, WAS THIS IN ANY WAY A

1178
00:37:00,285 --> 00:37:02,085
ANY WAY, THIS CERTIFICATION IN
NUTRITION, WAS THIS IN ANY WAY A
REACTION TO THE FACT THAT FOR

1179
00:37:02,087 --> 00:37:04,821
NUTRITION, WAS THIS IN ANY WAY A
REACTION TO THE FACT THAT FOR
CHRISTMAS, I GAVE YOU AN

1180
00:37:04,823 --> 00:37:07,023
REACTION TO THE FACT THAT FOR
CHRISTMAS, I GAVE YOU AN
INDUSTRIAL COTTON CANDY MACHINE?

1181
00:37:07,025 --> 00:37:08,258
CHRISTMAS, I GAVE YOU AN
INDUSTRIAL COTTON CANDY MACHINE?
( LAUGHS )

1182
00:37:08,260 --> 00:37:10,026
INDUSTRIAL COTTON CANDY MACHINE?
( LAUGHS )
>> IT WAS DIRECTLY RELATED.

1183
00:37:10,028 --> 00:37:13,496
( LAUGHS )
>> IT WAS DIRECTLY RELATED.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO TELL YOU,

1184
00:37:13,498 --> 00:37:13,964
>> IT WAS DIRECTLY RELATED.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO TELL YOU,
WHEN THAT THING --

1185
00:37:13,966 --> 00:37:14,731
YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO TELL YOU,
WHEN THAT THING --
>> Stephen: TRUE STORY.

1186
00:37:14,733 --> 00:37:16,066
WHEN THAT THING --
>> Stephen: TRUE STORY.
>> IT IS A TRUE STORY.

1187
00:37:16,068 --> 00:37:19,202
>> Stephen: TRUE STORY.
>> IT IS A TRUE STORY.
WHEN THAT THING ARRIVED AT OUR

1188
00:37:19,204 --> 00:37:21,171
>> IT IS A TRUE STORY.
WHEN THAT THING ARRIVED AT OUR
DOOR, I COULDN'T EVEN PICK IT

1189
00:37:21,173 --> 00:37:21,371
WHEN THAT THING ARRIVED AT OUR
DOOR, I COULDN'T EVEN PICK IT
UP.

1190
00:37:21,373 --> 00:37:24,975
DOOR, I COULDN'T EVEN PICK IT
UP.
STEPHANIE AND I WERE-- IT WAS SO

1191
00:37:24,977 --> 00:37:25,242
UP.
STEPHANIE AND I WERE-- IT WAS SO
GIGANTIC.

1192
00:37:25,244 --> 00:37:26,343
STEPHANIE AND I WERE-- IT WAS SO
GIGANTIC.
>> Stephen: YOU COULD-- YOU

1193
00:37:26,345 --> 00:37:29,179
GIGANTIC.
>> Stephen: YOU COULD-- YOU
COULD-- YOU COULD START A

1194
00:37:29,181 --> 00:37:29,446
>> Stephen: YOU COULD-- YOU
COULD-- YOU COULD START A
CARNIVAL.

1195
00:37:29,448 --> 00:37:30,180
COULD-- YOU COULD START A
CARNIVAL.
>> YES, YES.

1196
00:37:30,182 --> 00:37:31,514
CARNIVAL.
>> YES, YES.
THERE'S A CARNIVAL GOING ON 24

1197
00:37:31,516 --> 00:37:33,817
>> YES, YES.
THERE'S A CARNIVAL GOING ON 24
HOURS A DAY INSIDE OUR HOUSE, SO

1198
00:37:33,819 --> 00:37:35,085
THERE'S A CARNIVAL GOING ON 24
HOURS A DAY INSIDE OUR HOUSE, SO
THAT'S PERFECT.

1199
00:37:35,087 --> 00:37:35,385
HOURS A DAY INSIDE OUR HOUSE, SO
THAT'S PERFECT.
STEPHANIE --

1200
00:37:35,387 --> 00:37:36,620
THAT'S PERFECT.
STEPHANIE --
>> Stephen: YOU'RE WELCOME

1201
00:37:36,622 --> 00:37:37,787
STEPHANIE --
>> Stephen: YOU'RE WELCOME
( LAUGHS )

1202
00:37:37,789 --> 00:37:39,589
>> Stephen: YOU'RE WELCOME
( LAUGHS )
>> WELL, NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT

1203
00:37:39,591 --> 00:37:40,123
( LAUGHS )
>> WELL, NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT
MY FAMILY.

1204
00:37:40,125 --> 00:37:40,590
>> WELL, NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT
MY FAMILY.
>> Stephen: OH, OKAY.

1205
00:37:40,592 --> 00:37:43,293
MY FAMILY.
>> Stephen: OH, OKAY.
>> SO THIS WAS A PERFECT

1206
00:37:43,295 --> 00:37:43,560
>> Stephen: OH, OKAY.
>> SO THIS WAS A PERFECT
ADDITION.

1207
00:37:43,562 --> 00:37:45,228
>> SO THIS WAS A PERFECT
ADDITION.
SO WE FINALLY, BETWEEN THE TWO

1208
00:37:45,230 --> 00:37:46,896
ADDITION.
SO WE FINALLY, BETWEEN THE TWO
OF US-- YOU KNOW, BECAUSE WE

1209
00:37:46,898 --> 00:37:48,632
SO WE FINALLY, BETWEEN THE TWO
OF US-- YOU KNOW, BECAUSE WE
DON'T HAVE A HUSBAND, SO IT WAS

1210
00:37:48,634 --> 00:37:50,433
OF US-- YOU KNOW, BECAUSE WE
DON'T HAVE A HUSBAND, SO IT WAS
JUST TWO MARRIED WOMEN TRYING TO

1211
00:37:50,435 --> 00:37:53,336
DON'T HAVE A HUSBAND, SO IT WAS
JUST TWO MARRIED WOMEN TRYING TO
CARRY IN THIS-- I KNOW I LOOK

1212
00:37:53,338 --> 00:37:55,739
JUST TWO MARRIED WOMEN TRYING TO
CARRY IN THIS-- I KNOW I LOOK
TOUGH IN "ARMY OF THE DEAD," BUT

1213
00:37:55,741 --> 00:37:57,507
CARRY IN THIS-- I KNOW I LOOK
TOUGH IN "ARMY OF THE DEAD," BUT
STEPHANIE AND I TOGETHER CARRIED

1214
00:37:57,509 --> 00:37:59,175
TOUGH IN "ARMY OF THE DEAD," BUT
STEPHANIE AND I TOGETHER CARRIED
THIS HUGE BOX IN THE HOUSE.

1215
00:37:59,177 --> 00:38:04,981
STEPHANIE AND I TOGETHER CARRIED
THIS HUGE BOX IN THE HOUSE.
WE OPEN IT UP, AND SHE'S LIKE,

1216
00:38:04,983 --> 00:38:05,448
THIS HUGE BOX IN THE HOUSE.
WE OPEN IT UP, AND SHE'S LIKE,
"WHAT IS THIS?"

1217
00:38:05,450 --> 00:38:07,817
WE OPEN IT UP, AND SHE'S LIKE,
"WHAT IS THIS?"
I SAID, "I HAVE NO IDEA."

1218
00:38:07,819 --> 00:38:10,053
"WHAT IS THIS?"
I SAID, "I HAVE NO IDEA."
AND WE PULL IT OUT AND IT'S A

1219
00:38:10,055 --> 00:38:12,622
I SAID, "I HAVE NO IDEA."
AND WE PULL IT OUT AND IT'S A
COTTON CANDY MACHINE FOR A

1220
00:38:12,624 --> 00:38:15,058
AND WE PULL IT OUT AND IT'S A
COTTON CANDY MACHINE FOR A
CARNIVAL FROM MR. STEPHEN

1221
00:38:15,060 --> 00:38:15,358
COTTON CANDY MACHINE FOR A
CARNIVAL FROM MR. STEPHEN
COLBERT.

1222
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:15,725
CARNIVAL FROM MR. STEPHEN
COLBERT.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.

1223
00:38:15,727 --> 00:38:17,527
COLBERT.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
>> Stephen: YES.

1224
00:38:17,529 --> 00:38:18,128
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
>> Stephen: YES.
WELL, MERRY CHRISTMAS, TIG.

1225
00:38:18,130 --> 00:38:20,797
>> Stephen: YES.
WELL, MERRY CHRISTMAS, TIG.
>> AND WE ACTUALLY HAVEN'T EVEN

1226
00:38:20,799 --> 00:38:22,599
WELL, MERRY CHRISTMAS, TIG.
>> AND WE ACTUALLY HAVEN'T EVEN
SHOWN OUR KIDS YET, SO THEY

1227
00:38:22,601 --> 00:38:24,367
>> AND WE ACTUALLY HAVEN'T EVEN
SHOWN OUR KIDS YET, SO THEY
DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT'S

1228
00:38:24,369 --> 00:38:24,634
SHOWN OUR KIDS YET, SO THEY
DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT'S
HAPPENING.

1229
00:38:24,636 --> 00:38:25,068
DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT'S
HAPPENING.
>> Stephen: REALLY!

1230
00:38:25,070 --> 00:38:26,236
HAPPENING.
>> Stephen: REALLY!
YOU'VE GOT A COTTON CANDY

1231
00:38:26,238 --> 00:38:28,638
>> Stephen: REALLY!
YOU'VE GOT A COTTON CANDY
MACHINE AND TWO CHILDREN, AND

1232
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:30,573
YOU'VE GOT A COTTON CANDY
MACHINE AND TWO CHILDREN, AND
YOU HAVE NOT TURNED IT ON?

1233
00:38:30,575 --> 00:38:31,341
MACHINE AND TWO CHILDREN, AND
YOU HAVE NOT TURNED IT ON?
YOU'RE A HORRIBLE PERSON!

1234
00:38:31,343 --> 00:38:34,944
YOU HAVE NOT TURNED IT ON?
YOU'RE A HORRIBLE PERSON!
>> I KNOW I AM.

1235
00:38:34,946 --> 00:38:36,446
YOU'RE A HORRIBLE PERSON!
>> I KNOW I AM.
BUT THEY TURN FIVE IN JUNE, SO

1236
00:38:36,448 --> 00:38:38,181
>> I KNOW I AM.
BUT THEY TURN FIVE IN JUNE, SO
WE'RE GOING TO SURPRISE THEM FOR

1237
00:38:38,183 --> 00:38:39,482
BUT THEY TURN FIVE IN JUNE, SO
WE'RE GOING TO SURPRISE THEM FOR
THEIR BIRTHDAY WITH A BIG COTTON

1238
00:38:39,484 --> 00:38:40,350
WE'RE GOING TO SURPRISE THEM FOR
THEIR BIRTHDAY WITH A BIG COTTON
CANDY MACHINE!

1239
00:38:40,352 --> 00:38:41,418
THEIR BIRTHDAY WITH A BIG COTTON
CANDY MACHINE!
>> Stephen: THAT'S GREAT.

1240
00:38:41,420 --> 00:38:43,219
CANDY MACHINE!
>> Stephen: THAT'S GREAT.
AND, YES, IN RETURN, IN THANKS,

1241
00:38:43,221 --> 00:38:45,855
>> Stephen: THAT'S GREAT.
AND, YES, IN RETURN, IN THANKS,
YOU SENT ME A PAINTING OF JESUS

1242
00:38:45,857 --> 00:38:47,257
AND, YES, IN RETURN, IN THANKS,
YOU SENT ME A PAINTING OF JESUS
EATING COTTON CANDY, WHICH IS

1243
00:38:47,259 --> 00:38:49,526
YOU SENT ME A PAINTING OF JESUS
EATING COTTON CANDY, WHICH IS
NOW FRAMED IN MY OFFICE.

1244
00:38:49,528 --> 00:38:49,959
EATING COTTON CANDY, WHICH IS
NOW FRAMED IN MY OFFICE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.

1245
00:38:49,961 --> 00:38:51,127
NOW FRAMED IN MY OFFICE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: CAN WE GET A SHOT

1246
00:38:51,129 --> 00:38:51,695
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: CAN WE GET A SHOT
OF THAT?

1247
00:38:51,697 --> 00:38:52,862
>> Stephen: CAN WE GET A SHOT
OF THAT?
LET'S PUT A SHOT OF THAT UP.

1248
00:38:52,864 --> 00:38:55,298
OF THAT?
LET'S PUT A SHOT OF THAT UP.
>> CAN WE GET A SHOT OF THE

1249
00:38:55,300 --> 00:38:56,766
LET'S PUT A SHOT OF THAT UP.
>> CAN WE GET A SHOT OF THE
COTTON CANDY MACHINE?

1250
00:38:56,768 --> 00:38:56,966
>> CAN WE GET A SHOT OF THE
COTTON CANDY MACHINE?
OKAY.

1251
00:38:56,968 --> 00:38:57,400
COTTON CANDY MACHINE?
OKAY.
THANK YOU.

1252
00:38:57,402 --> 00:38:58,501
OKAY.
THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: THERE IS NO ONE--

1253
00:38:58,503 --> 00:39:02,172
THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: THERE IS NO ONE--
THERE IS NO ONE IN THE ROOM WITH

1254
00:39:02,174 --> 00:39:02,339
>> Stephen: THERE IS NO ONE--
THERE IS NO ONE IN THE ROOM WITH
YOU.

1255
00:39:02,341 --> 00:39:03,073
THERE IS NO ONE IN THE ROOM WITH
YOU.
>> I'M AT HOME.

1256
00:39:03,075 --> 00:39:04,574
YOU.
>> I'M AT HOME.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE IN A

1257
00:39:04,576 --> 00:39:04,774
>> I'M AT HOME.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE IN A
HOTEL.

1258
00:39:04,776 --> 00:39:07,477
>> Stephen: YOU ARE IN A
HOTEL.
YOU ARE NOT AT HOME.

1259
00:39:07,479 --> 00:39:08,578
HOTEL.
YOU ARE NOT AT HOME.
YOU'RE IN A HOTEL.

1260
00:39:08,580 --> 00:39:09,746
YOU ARE NOT AT HOME.
YOU'RE IN A HOTEL.
THERE'S NO WAY THAT'S HOME.

1261
00:39:09,748 --> 00:39:11,481
YOU'RE IN A HOTEL.
THERE'S NO WAY THAT'S HOME.
>> NO, THIS IS MY BEDROOM AT THE

1262
00:39:11,483 --> 00:39:11,681
THERE'S NO WAY THAT'S HOME.
>> NO, THIS IS MY BEDROOM AT THE
HOUSE.

1263
00:39:11,683 --> 00:39:12,115
>> NO, THIS IS MY BEDROOM AT THE
HOUSE.
>> Stephen: REALLY?

1264
00:39:12,117 --> 00:39:15,151
HOUSE.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
THOSE ARE YOUR LINENS.

1265
00:39:15,153 --> 00:39:16,786
>> Stephen: REALLY?
THOSE ARE YOUR LINENS.
>> I'M IN--

1266
00:39:16,788 --> 00:39:18,621
THOSE ARE YOUR LINENS.
>> I'M IN--
( LAUGHS )

1267
00:39:18,623 --> 00:39:21,157
>> I'M IN--
( LAUGHS )
I'M IN TORONTO FILMING THE NEW

1268
00:39:21,159 --> 00:39:23,560
( LAUGHS )
I'M IN TORONTO FILMING THE NEW
SEASON OF ""STAR TREK,""

1269
00:39:23,562 --> 00:39:23,793
I'M IN TORONTO FILMING THE NEW
SEASON OF ""STAR TREK,""
STEPHEN.

1270
00:39:23,795 --> 00:39:24,794
SEASON OF ""STAR TREK,""
STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: I FORGIVE YOU.

1271
00:39:24,796 --> 00:39:26,296
STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: I FORGIVE YOU.
I FORGIVE YOU FOR LYING.

1272
00:39:26,298 --> 00:39:28,465
>> Stephen: I FORGIVE YOU.
I FORGIVE YOU FOR LYING.
THERE'S NO ONE THERE, TIG.

1273
00:39:28,467 --> 00:39:30,133
I FORGIVE YOU FOR LYING.
THERE'S NO ONE THERE, TIG.
>> ...TO GET A PICTURE OF THIS.

1274
00:39:30,135 --> 00:39:33,937
THERE'S NO ONE THERE, TIG.
>> ...TO GET A PICTURE OF THIS.
>> Stephen: NO ONE, NO ONE IS.

1275
00:39:33,939 --> 00:39:35,472
>> ...TO GET A PICTURE OF THIS.
>> Stephen: NO ONE, NO ONE IS.
THAT'S ALL A GREEN SCREEN

1276
00:39:35,474 --> 00:39:36,639
>> Stephen: NO ONE, NO ONE IS.
THAT'S ALL A GREEN SCREEN
ENVIRONMENT YOU'RE IN.

1277
00:39:36,641 --> 00:39:38,608
THAT'S ALL A GREEN SCREEN
ENVIRONMENT YOU'RE IN.
IT'S JUST YOU AND ZAK SNYDER

1278
00:39:38,610 --> 00:39:39,209
ENVIRONMENT YOU'RE IN.
IT'S JUST YOU AND ZAK SNYDER
THERE, RIGHT?

1279
00:39:39,211 --> 00:39:41,077
IT'S JUST YOU AND ZAK SNYDER
THERE, RIGHT?
>> MY WHOLE LIFE IS A GREEN

1280
00:39:41,079 --> 00:39:41,711
THERE, RIGHT?
>> MY WHOLE LIFE IS A GREEN
SCREEN ENVIRONMENT.

1281
00:39:41,713 --> 00:39:43,613
>> MY WHOLE LIFE IS A GREEN
SCREEN ENVIRONMENT.
>> Stephen: WELL, TIG, LOVELY

1282
00:39:43,615 --> 00:39:44,881
SCREEN ENVIRONMENT.
>> Stephen: WELL, TIG, LOVELY
TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN.

1283
00:39:44,883 --> 00:39:46,816
>> Stephen: WELL, TIG, LOVELY
TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN.
>> STEPHEN, THANK YOU.

1284
00:39:46,818 --> 00:39:48,151
TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN.
>> STEPHEN, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME ON.

1285
00:39:48,153 --> 00:39:49,753
>> STEPHEN, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME ON.
>> Stephen: GIVE MY BEST TO

1286
00:39:49,755 --> 00:39:53,256
THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME ON.
>> Stephen: GIVE MY BEST TO
YOUR COMFORTABLE SHOES.

1287
00:39:53,258 --> 00:39:54,624
>> Stephen: GIVE MY BEST TO
YOUR COMFORTABLE SHOES.
"ARMY OF THE DEAD" IS PLAYING IN

1288
00:39:54,626 --> 00:39:55,525
YOUR COMFORTABLE SHOES.
"ARMY OF THE DEAD" IS PLAYING IN
SELECT THEATERS NOW AND WILL BE

1289
00:39:55,527 --> 00:39:58,328
"ARMY OF THE DEAD" IS PLAYING IN
SELECT THEATERS NOW AND WILL BE
AVAILABLE ON NETFLIX ON FRIDAY.

1290
00:39:58,330 --> 00:39:58,895
SELECT THEATERS NOW AND WILL BE
AVAILABLE ON NETFLIX ON FRIDAY.
IT'S TIG NOTARO, EVERYBODY.

1291
00:39:58,897 --> 00:40:00,630
AVAILABLE ON NETFLIX ON FRIDAY.
IT'S TIG NOTARO, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

1292
00:40:00,632 --> 00:40:00,897
IT'S TIG NOTARO, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ ♪ ♪

1293
00:40:07,138 --> 00:40:10,807
LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS
WILL BE LISA KUDROW AND TAMIKA

1294
00:40:10,809 --> 00:40:15,645
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS
WILL BE LISA KUDROW AND TAMIKA
D. MALLORY.

1295
00:40:15,647 --> 00:40:15,979
WILL BE LISA KUDROW AND TAMIKA
D. MALLORY.
NIGHT.

1296
00:40:15,981 --> 00:40:16,513
D. MALLORY.
NIGHT.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT, GOOD

1297
00:40:16,515 --> 00:40:19,616
NIGHT.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT, GOOD
NIGHT.

1298
00:40:22,887 --> 00:40:25,955
<font color="#ffff00"> Captioning sponsored by CBS</font>

1299
00:40:26,590 --> 00:40:29,025
Captioned by
<font color="#00ffff"> Media Access Group at WGBH</font>
access.wgbh.org