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Captioning sponsored by CBS
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>> CHICKENS ARE IN SHORT SUPPLY
AROUND THE COUNTRY.
PART OF THE BLAME GOES TO
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AROUND THE COUNTRY.
PART OF THE BLAME GOES TO
TYSON'S ROOSTERS.
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PART OF THE BLAME GOES TO
TYSON'S ROOSTERS.
I'M NOT KIDDING.
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TYSON'S ROOSTERS.
I'M NOT KIDDING.
TYSON SAID ITS CHICKEN VOLUMES
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I'M NOT KIDDING.
TYSON SAID ITS CHICKEN VOLUMES
HAVE BEEN LOW BECAUSE IT MADE A
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TYSON SAID ITS CHICKEN VOLUMES
HAVE BEEN LOW BECAUSE IT MADE A
MISTAKE PICKING A TYPE OF
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HAVE BEEN LOW BECAUSE IT MADE A
MISTAKE PICKING A TYPE OF
ROOSTER FOR BREEDING, LEADING TO
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MISTAKE PICKING A TYPE OF
ROOSTER FOR BREEDING, LEADING TO
FEWER CHICKENS BEING HATCHED.
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ROOSTER FOR BREEDING, LEADING TO
FEWER CHICKENS BEING HATCHED.
( "CAMPTOWN RACES" )
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FEWER CHICKENS BEING HATCHED.
( "CAMPTOWN RACES" )
♪ ♪ ♪
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( "CAMPTOWN RACES" )
♪ ♪ ♪
>> HERE, I SAY, HERE ARE THE
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♪ ♪ ♪
>> HERE, I SAY, HERE ARE THE
FLOWERS, AND HERE'S THE CANDY.
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>> HERE, I SAY, HERE ARE THE
FLOWERS, AND HERE'S THE CANDY.
COURTSHIP IS OVER.
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FLOWERS, AND HERE'S THE CANDY.
COURTSHIP IS OVER.
SO HOW ABOUT IT, MISSY HEN?
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COURTSHIP IS OVER.
SO HOW ABOUT IT, MISSY HEN?
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
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SO HOW ABOUT IT, MISSY HEN?
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
>> YES, I WOULD!
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WILL YOU MARRY ME?
>> YES, I WOULD!
>> I AM A HAPPY ROOSTER.
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>> YES, I WOULD!
>> I AM A HAPPY ROOSTER.
>> LET'S CONSUMMATE OUR MARRIAGE
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>> I AM A HAPPY ROOSTER.
>> LET'S CONSUMMATE OUR MARRIAGE
MR. LEGHORN.
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>> LET'S CONSUMMATE OUR MARRIAGE
MR. LEGHORN.
>> I SAY WHAT, AND WHAT?
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MR. LEGHORN.
>> I SAY WHAT, AND WHAT?
>> THE BED'S RIGHT OVER THERE,
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>> I SAY WHAT, AND WHAT?
>> THE BED'S RIGHT OVER THERE,
MR. LEGHORN.
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>> THE BED'S RIGHT OVER THERE,
MR. LEGHORN.
>> I'M A LITTLE TIRED, MISSY.
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MR. LEGHORN.
>> I'M A LITTLE TIRED, MISSY.
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY TO WAKE
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>> I'M A LITTLE TIRED, MISSY.
I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY TO WAKE
EVERYBODY UP.
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I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY TO WAKE
EVERYBODY UP.
>> IS THERE A PROBLEM,
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EVERYBODY UP.
>> IS THERE A PROBLEM,
MR. LEGHORN?
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>> IS THERE A PROBLEM,
MR. LEGHORN?
>> TO BE HONEST, LITTLE MISSY,
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MR. LEGHORN?
>> TO BE HONEST, LITTLE MISSY,
THERE'S NOT A LOT OF FOG LEFT IN
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>> TO BE HONEST, LITTLE MISSY,
THERE'S NOT A LOT OF FOG LEFT IN
MY HORN.
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THERE'S NOT A LOT OF FOG LEFT IN
MY HORN.
♪ ♪ ♪
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MY HORN.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> IF YOU'RE A ROOSTER SUFFERING
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♪ ♪ ♪
>> IF YOU'RE A ROOSTER SUFFERING
FROM ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION, TRY
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>> IF YOU'RE A ROOSTER SUFFERING
FROM ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION, TRY
POULTRYALIS, AND GET BACK TO
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FROM ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION, TRY
POULTRYALIS, AND GET BACK TO
COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO-ING IT.
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POULTRYALIS, AND GET BACK TO
COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO-ING IT.
♪ ♪ ♪
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COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO-ING IT.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW
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♪ ♪ ♪
>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW
WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
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00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:10,869
>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW
WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT TAKIN' CARE OF
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00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,371
WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT TAKIN' CARE OF
BUSINESS.
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TONIGHT TAKIN' CARE OF
BUSINESS.
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: BILLY
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BUSINESS.
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: BILLY
CRYSTAL AND TIFFANY HADDISH
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PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: BILLY
CRYSTAL AND TIFFANY HADDISH
AND MUSICAL GUEST THE BLACK
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00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:20,345
CRYSTAL AND TIFFANY HADDISH
AND MUSICAL GUEST THE BLACK
KEYS.
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AND MUSICAL GUEST THE BLACK
KEYS.
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY
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KEYS.
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY
HUMAN."
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FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY
HUMAN."
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE
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HUMAN."
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE
ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE
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00:01:27,388 --> 00:01:31,290
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE
ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE
BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S
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00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:32,324
ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE
BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S
STEPHEN COLBERT!
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BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S
STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
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STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
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>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
IT IS FRIDAY, AND I AM STEPHEN
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WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
IT IS FRIDAY, AND I AM STEPHEN
COLBERT.
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IT IS FRIDAY, AND I AM STEPHEN
COLBERT.
I HOPE YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES
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COLBERT.
I HOPE YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES
ARE SAFE TONIGHT.
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I HOPE YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES
ARE SAFE TONIGHT.
AND BY "LOVED ONES," I MEAN "THE
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00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:44,336
ARE SAFE TONIGHT.
AND BY "LOVED ONES," I MEAN "THE
STUFF YOU BUY," BECAUSE OUR
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00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:46,972
AND BY "LOVED ONES," I MEAN "THE
STUFF YOU BUY," BECAUSE OUR
COUNTRY IS FACING NOTHING SHORT
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STUFF YOU BUY," BECAUSE OUR
COUNTRY IS FACING NOTHING SHORT
OF A STUFF-AGGEDON.
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COUNTRY IS FACING NOTHING SHORT
OF A STUFF-AGGEDON.
THIS WEEK, WE HAD PANIC BUYING
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OF A STUFF-AGGEDON.
THIS WEEK, WE HAD PANIC BUYING
OF GAS, CHICKEN, AND DIPPING
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THIS WEEK, WE HAD PANIC BUYING
OF GAS, CHICKEN, AND DIPPING
SAUCE, AND NOW WE'RE NOW GETTING
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OF GAS, CHICKEN, AND DIPPING
SAUCE, AND NOW WE'RE NOW GETTING
WORD THAT HOUSEHOLD GOODS,
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SAUCE, AND NOW WE'RE NOW GETTING
WORD THAT HOUSEHOLD GOODS,
INCLUDING TOILET PAPER, ARE ONCE
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WORD THAT HOUSEHOLD GOODS,
INCLUDING TOILET PAPER, ARE ONCE
AGAIN FACING SUPPLY PROBLEMS.
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INCLUDING TOILET PAPER, ARE ONCE
AGAIN FACING SUPPLY PROBLEMS.
TOILET PAPER SHORTAGES, AGAIN?
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00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:04,289
AGAIN FACING SUPPLY PROBLEMS.
TOILET PAPER SHORTAGES, AGAIN?
THIS IS LIKE GROUNDHOG DAY, BUT
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00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,658
TOILET PAPER SHORTAGES, AGAIN?
THIS IS LIKE GROUNDHOG DAY, BUT
YOU HAVE TO WIPE YOUR BUTT WITH
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THIS IS LIKE GROUNDHOG DAY, BUT
YOU HAVE TO WIPE YOUR BUTT WITH
PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL!
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YOU HAVE TO WIPE YOUR BUTT WITH
PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL!
( EVIE LAUGHING )
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PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL!
( EVIE LAUGHING )
AND THAT'S NOT ALL, BECAUSE THE
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( EVIE LAUGHING )
AND THAT'S NOT ALL, BECAUSE THE
U.S. ECONOMY IS SEEING SHORTAGES
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AND THAT'S NOT ALL, BECAUSE THE
U.S. ECONOMY IS SEEING SHORTAGES
OF USED CARS AND RENTAL CARS.
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U.S. ECONOMY IS SEEING SHORTAGES
OF USED CARS AND RENTAL CARS.
WELL, THAT RENTAL CAR THING
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OF USED CARS AND RENTAL CARS.
WELL, THAT RENTAL CAR THING
COULD BE MY FAULT.
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WELL, THAT RENTAL CAR THING
COULD BE MY FAULT.
I ALWAYS BUY THE INSURANCE, AND
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COULD BE MY FAULT.
I ALWAYS BUY THE INSURANCE, AND
THEN INSTEAD OF RETURNING IT TO
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I ALWAYS BUY THE INSURANCE, AND
THEN INSTEAD OF RETURNING IT TO
THE AIRPORT, I DRIVE IT OFF A
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THEN INSTEAD OF RETURNING IT TO
THE AIRPORT, I DRIVE IT OFF A
CLIFF.
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THE AIRPORT, I DRIVE IT OFF A
CLIFF.
FURNITURE IS ALSO IN SHORT
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CLIFF.
FURNITURE IS ALSO IN SHORT
SUPPLY.
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FURNITURE IS ALSO IN SHORT
SUPPLY.
LA-Z-BOY EXECUTIVES SAID
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00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:26,912
SUPPLY.
LA-Z-BOY EXECUTIVES SAID
CUSTOMERS COULD EXPECT DELIVERY
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00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,347
LA-Z-BOY EXECUTIVES SAID
CUSTOMERS COULD EXPECT DELIVERY
DATES THAT ARE FIVE TO NINE
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CUSTOMERS COULD EXPECT DELIVERY
DATES THAT ARE FIVE TO NINE
MONTHS OUT FROM THEIR ORDER
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00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:31,517
DATES THAT ARE FIVE TO NINE
MONTHS OUT FROM THEIR ORDER
DATES.
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00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:32,351
MONTHS OUT FROM THEIR ORDER
DATES.
FIVE TO NINE MONTHS IS
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DATES.
FIVE TO NINE MONTHS IS
RIDICULOUS.
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FIVE TO NINE MONTHS IS
RIDICULOUS.
I EXPECT A LITTLE MORE HUSTLE
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RIDICULOUS.
I EXPECT A LITTLE MORE HUSTLE
OUT OF LA-Z-BOY.
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I EXPECT A LITTLE MORE HUSTLE
OUT OF LA-Z-BOY.
( LAUGHTER )
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OUT OF LA-Z-BOY.
( LAUGHTER )
ANOTHER SHORTAGE?
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( LAUGHTER )
ANOTHER SHORTAGE?
CHLORINE.
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ANOTHER SHORTAGE?
CHLORINE.
IN SEPTEMBER, THERE WAS A FIRE
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CHLORINE.
IN SEPTEMBER, THERE WAS A FIRE
AT THE LOUISIANA PREMISES OF
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IN SEPTEMBER, THERE WAS A FIRE
AT THE LOUISIANA PREMISES OF
CHLORINE MANUFACTURER BIO-LAB,
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AT THE LOUISIANA PREMISES OF
CHLORINE MANUFACTURER BIO-LAB,
AND NOW SUMMER POOL OWNERS WILL
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00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,035
CHLORINE MANUFACTURER BIO-LAB,
AND NOW SUMMER POOL OWNERS WILL
SEE THE WORST CHLORINE SHORTAGE
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AND NOW SUMMER POOL OWNERS WILL
SEE THE WORST CHLORINE SHORTAGE
IN U.S. HISTORY.
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SEE THE WORST CHLORINE SHORTAGE
IN U.S. HISTORY.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
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00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:52,371
IN U.S. HISTORY.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
YOU CAN STILL DISINFECT YOUR
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00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:55,240
BUT DON'T WORRY.
YOU CAN STILL DISINFECT YOUR
POOL IN A PINCH BY JUST POURING
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YOU CAN STILL DISINFECT YOUR
POOL IN A PINCH BY JUST POURING
IN A COUPLE OF WHITE CLAWS.
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POOL IN A PINCH BY JUST POURING
IN A COUPLE OF WHITE CLAWS.
OF COURSE, OUR PROBLEMS ARE MORE
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IN A COUPLE OF WHITE CLAWS.
OF COURSE, OUR PROBLEMS ARE MORE
THAN JUST A LACK OF THINGS.
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00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:00,779
OF COURSE, OUR PROBLEMS ARE MORE
THAN JUST A LACK OF THINGS.
WE'VE ALSO GOT A LACK OF PLACES
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00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:02,915
THAN JUST A LACK OF THINGS.
WE'VE ALSO GOT A LACK OF PLACES
TO BUY THOSE THINGS, BECAUSE IT
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00:03:02,917 --> 00:03:04,349
WE'VE ALSO GOT A LACK OF PLACES
TO BUY THOSE THINGS, BECAUSE IT
IS ESTIMATED THAT "34% OF
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00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:08,320
TO BUY THOSE THINGS, BECAUSE IT
IS ESTIMATED THAT "34% OF
AMERICA'S SMALL BUSINESSES ARE
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00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:08,921
IS ESTIMATED THAT "34% OF
AMERICA'S SMALL BUSINESSES ARE
STILL CLOSED DUE TO COVID-19."
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00:03:08,923 --> 00:03:11,823
AMERICA'S SMALL BUSINESSES ARE
STILL CLOSED DUE TO COVID-19."
EVEN WORSE, "BIG JOE'S OPEN AND
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00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:12,391
STILL CLOSED DUE TO COVID-19."
EVEN WORSE, "BIG JOE'S OPEN AND
CLOSED SIGN EMPORIUM" HAD TO
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00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:14,259
EVEN WORSE, "BIG JOE'S OPEN AND
CLOSED SIGN EMPORIUM" HAD TO
THROW OUT HALF ITS INVENTORY.
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CLOSED SIGN EMPORIUM" HAD TO
THROW OUT HALF ITS INVENTORY.
( EVIE LAUGHING )
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THROW OUT HALF ITS INVENTORY.
( EVIE LAUGHING )
SINCE WE HAVEN'T BEEN GETTING
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00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:19,598
( EVIE LAUGHING )
SINCE WE HAVEN'T BEEN GETTING
TOGETHER FOR OVER A YEAR, ANY
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00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,332
SINCE WE HAVEN'T BEEN GETTING
TOGETHER FOR OVER A YEAR, ANY
PARTY-RELATED SMALL BUSINESS HAS
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00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:20,933
TOGETHER FOR OVER A YEAR, ANY
PARTY-RELATED SMALL BUSINESS HAS
BEEN HAVING A ROUGH GO.
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00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:23,869
PARTY-RELATED SMALL BUSINESS HAS
BEEN HAVING A ROUGH GO.
FOR EXAMPLE, THE PIÑATA
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00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:24,469
BEEN HAVING A ROUGH GO.
FOR EXAMPLE, THE PIÑATA
INDUSTRY, DEPENDENT ON SOCIAL
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00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:26,905
FOR EXAMPLE, THE PIÑATA
INDUSTRY, DEPENDENT ON SOCIAL
GATHERINGS, HAS SEEN SALES
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00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:28,340
INDUSTRY, DEPENDENT ON SOCIAL
GATHERINGS, HAS SEEN SALES
PLUMMET.
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00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:30,542
GATHERINGS, HAS SEEN SALES
PLUMMET.
THAT'S RIGHT, NO ONE HAS BEEN
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00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,743
PLUMMET.
THAT'S RIGHT, NO ONE HAS BEEN
HITTING PIÑATAS, AND THAT HAS
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00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:32,344
THAT'S RIGHT, NO ONE HAS BEEN
HITTING PIÑATAS, AND THAT HAS
REALLY HIT PIÑATAS HARD.
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00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:35,347
HITTING PIÑATAS, AND THAT HAS
REALLY HIT PIÑATAS HARD.
IN ORDER TO ENTICE CUSTOMERS,
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00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:36,348
REALLY HIT PIÑATAS HARD.
IN ORDER TO ENTICE CUSTOMERS,
THE PIÑATA INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX--
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00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:37,616
IN ORDER TO ENTICE CUSTOMERS,
THE PIÑATA INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX--
( LAUGHTER )
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00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:38,917
THE PIÑATA INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX--
( LAUGHTER )
HAS STARTED CRAFTING PIÑATAS
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00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,352
( LAUGHTER )
HAS STARTED CRAFTING PIÑATAS
THAT FOLKS REALLY WANT TO TAKE A
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00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:42,354
HAS STARTED CRAFTING PIÑATAS
THAT FOLKS REALLY WANT TO TAKE A
WHACK AT, SUCH AS THE FORMER
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00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:44,089
THAT FOLKS REALLY WANT TO TAKE A
WHACK AT, SUCH AS THE FORMER
PRESIDENT AND THE CORONAVIRUS
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00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:44,323
WHACK AT, SUCH AS THE FORMER
PRESIDENT AND THE CORONAVIRUS
ITSELF.
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00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:47,059
PRESIDENT AND THE CORONAVIRUS
ITSELF.
OH, THEY SHOULD MAKE A VERSION
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00:03:47,061 --> 00:03:48,327
ITSELF.
OH, THEY SHOULD MAKE A VERSION
THAT LOOKS LIKE MIKE PENCE!
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00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:49,561
OH, THEY SHOULD MAKE A VERSION
THAT LOOKS LIKE MIKE PENCE!
I HEARD THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE
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00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:50,929
THAT LOOKS LIKE MIKE PENCE!
I HEARD THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE
SCREAMING THEY'D LOVE TO HANG IT
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00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,297
I HEARD THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE
SCREAMING THEY'D LOVE TO HANG IT
UP!
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00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:54,166
SCREAMING THEY'D LOVE TO HANG IT
UP!
THE RECREATION INDUSTRY HAS BEEN
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00:03:54,168 --> 00:03:55,901
UP!
THE RECREATION INDUSTRY HAS BEEN
ONE OF THE HARDEST HIT BY THE
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00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:56,335
THE RECREATION INDUSTRY HAS BEEN
ONE OF THE HARDEST HIT BY THE
FEAR OF VIRUS.
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00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:58,937
ONE OF THE HARDEST HIT BY THE
FEAR OF VIRUS.
BOWLING ALLEYS' ANNUAL REVENUES
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00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:00,339
FEAR OF VIRUS.
BOWLING ALLEYS' ANNUAL REVENUES
ARE DOWN BY 33%, WHICH ACTUALLY
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00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:02,074
BOWLING ALLEYS' ANNUAL REVENUES
ARE DOWN BY 33%, WHICH ACTUALLY
SEEMS PRETTY LOW FOR AN INDUSTRY
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00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:02,908
ARE DOWN BY 33%, WHICH ACTUALLY
SEEMS PRETTY LOW FOR AN INDUSTRY
WHERE EVERY CUSTOMER STICKS
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00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,309
SEEMS PRETTY LOW FOR AN INDUSTRY
WHERE EVERY CUSTOMER STICKS
THEIR FINGERS IN THE SAME BALLS.
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00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:06,712
WHERE EVERY CUSTOMER STICKS
THEIR FINGERS IN THE SAME BALLS.
( LAUGHTER )
150
00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:07,946
THEIR FINGERS IN THE SAME BALLS.
( LAUGHTER )
THERE HAVE BEEN A FEW HIGHLIGHTS
151
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:08,580
( LAUGHTER )
THERE HAVE BEEN A FEW HIGHLIGHTS
FOR SOME SMALL-BUSINESS SECTORS.
152
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:11,116
THERE HAVE BEEN A FEW HIGHLIGHTS
FOR SOME SMALL-BUSINESS SECTORS.
FOR EXAMPLE, THE R.V. INDUSTRY
153
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:12,351
FOR SOME SMALL-BUSINESS SECTORS.
FOR EXAMPLE, THE R.V. INDUSTRY
HAS BOOMED AS FAMILIES VACATION
154
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:14,553
FOR EXAMPLE, THE R.V. INDUSTRY
HAS BOOMED AS FAMILIES VACATION
IN NEW WAYS DURING THE COVID-19
155
00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:15,120
HAS BOOMED AS FAMILIES VACATION
IN NEW WAYS DURING THE COVID-19
PANDEMIC, BECAUSE THIS YEAR,
156
00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:16,321
IN NEW WAYS DURING THE COVID-19
PANDEMIC, BECAUSE THIS YEAR,
WHEN FAMILIES WERE HOUSEBOUND
157
00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:18,523
PANDEMIC, BECAUSE THIS YEAR,
WHEN FAMILIES WERE HOUSEBOUND
WITH ONE ANOTHER-- LIVING,
158
00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:19,691
WHEN FAMILIES WERE HOUSEBOUND
WITH ONE ANOTHER-- LIVING,
WORKING, AND SCHOOLING ALL UNDER
159
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:20,292
WITH ONE ANOTHER-- LIVING,
WORKING, AND SCHOOLING ALL UNDER
THE SAME ROOF-- EVERYBODY WAS
160
00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:22,227
WORKING, AND SCHOOLING ALL UNDER
THE SAME ROOF-- EVERYBODY WAS
NATURALLY THINKING, "I WISH
161
00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:23,895
THE SAME ROOF-- EVERYBODY WAS
NATURALLY THINKING, "I WISH
THERE WAS A WAY WE COULD DO ALL
162
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:24,496
NATURALLY THINKING, "I WISH
THERE WAS A WAY WE COULD DO ALL
THIS IN AN EVEN SMALLER SPACE,
163
00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:25,697
THERE WAS A WAY WE COULD DO ALL
THIS IN AN EVEN SMALLER SPACE,
BUT WITH A CHEMICAL TOILET, IN
164
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:26,798
THIS IN AN EVEN SMALLER SPACE,
BUT WITH A CHEMICAL TOILET, IN
TRAFFIC!"
165
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,333
BUT WITH A CHEMICAL TOILET, IN
TRAFFIC!"
( LAUGHTER )
166
00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:29,835
TRAFFIC!"
( LAUGHTER )
STILL, A LOT OF SMALL BUSINESSES
167
00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:31,169
( LAUGHTER )
STILL, A LOT OF SMALL BUSINESSES
ARE SUFFERING, AND I WAS SO
168
00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:32,271
STILL, A LOT OF SMALL BUSINESSES
ARE SUFFERING, AND I WAS SO
CONCERNED ABOUT IT THAT I
169
00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:32,971
ARE SUFFERING, AND I WAS SO
CONCERNED ABOUT IT THAT I
DECIDED TO PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE
170
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:35,574
CONCERNED ABOUT IT THAT I
DECIDED TO PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE
MY MOUTH IS.
171
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:36,341
DECIDED TO PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE
MY MOUTH IS.
ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE
172
00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:38,577
MY MOUTH IS.
ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE
LOCKDOWN, MARCH 12, I ASKED YOU
173
00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:38,944
ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE
LOCKDOWN, MARCH 12, I ASKED YOU
ALL TO GO TO
174
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:43,615
LOCKDOWN, MARCH 12, I ASKED YOU
ALL TO GO TO
colbertlateshow.com/covidtour
175
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:44,349
ALL TO GO TO
colbertlateshow.com/covidtour
WHERE YOU COULD HELP SMALL
176
00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:48,353
colbertlateshow.com/covidtour
WHERE YOU COULD HELP SMALL
BUSINESSES WITH OUR NEW LINE OF
177
00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:50,656
WHERE YOU COULD HELP SMALL
BUSINESSES WITH OUR NEW LINE OF
"LATE SHOW TOUR MERCHANDISE,"
178
00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:51,290
BUSINESSES WITH OUR NEW LINE OF
"LATE SHOW TOUR MERCHANDISE,"
OKAY, LIKE THIS T-SHIRT WITH OUR
179
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:55,827
"LATE SHOW TOUR MERCHANDISE,"
OKAY, LIKE THIS T-SHIRT WITH OUR
"L.S.S.C." LOGO, WHICH FOR LEGAL
180
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:56,428
OKAY, LIKE THIS T-SHIRT WITH OUR
"L.S.S.C." LOGO, WHICH FOR LEGAL
REASONS, I CANNOT SAY WE TOOK
181
00:04:56,430 --> 00:05:00,299
"L.S.S.C." LOGO, WHICH FOR LEGAL
REASONS, I CANNOT SAY WE TOOK
FROM ANY PARTICULAR BAND.
182
00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:02,968
REASONS, I CANNOT SAY WE TOOK
FROM ANY PARTICULAR BAND.
BUT I WILL SHOW YOU THAT THE
183
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,336
FROM ANY PARTICULAR BAND.
BUT I WILL SHOW YOU THAT THE
BACK IS ALSO IN BLACK
184
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,972
BUT I WILL SHOW YOU THAT THE
BACK IS ALSO IN BLACK
( LAUGHTER )
185
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,040
BACK IS ALSO IN BLACK
( LAUGHTER )
WE ALSO GOT-- WHAT DO WE GOT
186
00:05:08,042 --> 00:05:08,340
( LAUGHTER )
WE ALSO GOT-- WHAT DO WE GOT
HERE?
187
00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:12,311
WE ALSO GOT-- WHAT DO WE GOT
HERE?
WE'VE ALSO GOT A MUG, WE GOT A
188
00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:14,479
HERE?
WE'VE ALSO GOT A MUG, WE GOT A
MASK, WE GOT A HOODIE, WE GOT A
189
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:15,080
WE'VE ALSO GOT A MUG, WE GOT A
MASK, WE GOT A HOODIE, WE GOT A
HOODIE RIGHT HERE-- TRUST ME,
190
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:16,348
MASK, WE GOT A HOODIE, WE GOT A
HOODIE RIGHT HERE-- TRUST ME,
IT'S A HOODIE.
191
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:20,352
HOODIE RIGHT HERE-- TRUST ME,
IT'S A HOODIE.
AND SWEATPANTS THAT SAY
192
00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:20,952
IT'S A HOODIE.
AND SWEATPANTS THAT SAY
"NO SWEAT, ALL PANTS."
193
00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:23,789
AND SWEATPANTS THAT SAY
"NO SWEAT, ALL PANTS."
MUCH BETTER THAN OUR ORIGINAL
194
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:24,389
"NO SWEAT, ALL PANTS."
MUCH BETTER THAN OUR ORIGINAL
IDEA: A SEXY CALENDAR THEMED:
195
00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:26,391
MUCH BETTER THAN OUR ORIGINAL
IDEA: A SEXY CALENDAR THEMED:
"ALL SWEAT, NO PANTS."
196
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:26,958
IDEA: A SEXY CALENDAR THEMED:
"ALL SWEAT, NO PANTS."
( LAUGHTER )
197
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,327
"ALL SWEAT, NO PANTS."
( LAUGHTER )
THE BEST PART OF THESE PRODUCTS?
198
00:05:28,329 --> 00:05:31,530
( LAUGHTER )
THE BEST PART OF THESE PRODUCTS?
100% OF "A LATE SHOW'S" PROCEEDS
199
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:32,297
THE BEST PART OF THESE PRODUCTS?
100% OF "A LATE SHOW'S" PROCEEDS
GOES TO ACCION OPPORTUNITY
200
00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:32,964
100% OF "A LATE SHOW'S" PROCEEDS
GOES TO ACCION OPPORTUNITY
FUND'S SMALL-BUSINESS RELIEF
201
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,634
GOES TO ACCION OPPORTUNITY
FUND'S SMALL-BUSINESS RELIEF
FUND.
202
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:36,335
FUND'S SMALL-BUSINESS RELIEF
FUND.
AND IT TURNS OUT YOU FOLKS ARE
203
00:05:36,337 --> 00:05:38,203
FUND.
AND IT TURNS OUT YOU FOLKS ARE
AS GENEROUS AS YOU ARE WELL-
204
00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:38,970
AND IT TURNS OUT YOU FOLKS ARE
AS GENEROUS AS YOU ARE WELL-
DRESSED, BECAUSE AS OF THIS
205
00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:44,343
AS GENEROUS AS YOU ARE WELL-
DRESSED, BECAUSE AS OF THIS
TAPING, WE HAVE RAISED $252,162
206
00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:46,411
DRESSED, BECAUSE AS OF THIS
TAPING, WE HAVE RAISED $252,162
TO HELP SMALL BUSINESSES!
207
00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:48,347
TAPING, WE HAVE RAISED $252,162
TO HELP SMALL BUSINESSES!
( FANFARE )
208
00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:49,648
TO HELP SMALL BUSINESSES!
( FANFARE )
MORE THAN A QUARTER MILL!
209
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:50,515
( FANFARE )
MORE THAN A QUARTER MILL!
THINK OF HOW MANY PIÑATAS THAT
210
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:50,949
MORE THAN A QUARTER MILL!
THINK OF HOW MANY PIÑATAS THAT
COULD BUY!
211
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:54,353
THINK OF HOW MANY PIÑATAS THAT
COULD BUY!
( LAUGHTER )
212
00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:55,354
COULD BUY!
( LAUGHTER )
AND THAT'S NOT ALL WE AT "A LATE
213
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:56,321
( LAUGHTER )
AND THAT'S NOT ALL WE AT "A LATE
SHOW" HAVE BEEN DOING TO HELP
214
00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:56,955
AND THAT'S NOT ALL WE AT "A LATE
SHOW" HAVE BEEN DOING TO HELP
SMALL BUSINESSES.
215
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:59,224
SHOW" HAVE BEEN DOING TO HELP
SMALL BUSINESSES.
YOU MAY REMEMBER, EARLIER THIS
216
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:00,258
SMALL BUSINESSES.
YOU MAY REMEMBER, EARLIER THIS
YEAR, WE DID A VERY SPECIAL
217
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,393
YOU MAY REMEMBER, EARLIER THIS
YEAR, WE DID A VERY SPECIAL
SUPER BOWL EDITION OF "A LATE
218
00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:02,928
YEAR, WE DID A VERY SPECIAL
SUPER BOWL EDITION OF "A LATE
SHOW."
219
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:04,329
SUPER BOWL EDITION OF "A LATE
SHOW."
AND FOR THE SPECIAL, WE CREATED
220
00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:06,431
SHOW."
AND FOR THE SPECIAL, WE CREATED
A BIG SUPER BOWL-STYLE
221
00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:08,333
AND FOR THE SPECIAL, WE CREATED
A BIG SUPER BOWL-STYLE
COMMERCIAL FOR A STRUGGLING
222
00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:08,967
A BIG SUPER BOWL-STYLE
COMMERCIAL FOR A STRUGGLING
BUSINESS, FOGGY PINE BOOKS, IN
223
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:12,270
COMMERCIAL FOR A STRUGGLING
BUSINESS, FOGGY PINE BOOKS, IN
BOONE, NORTH CAROLINA, WITH OUR
224
00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:12,804
BUSINESS, FOGGY PINE BOOKS, IN
BOONE, NORTH CAROLINA, WITH OUR
FRIENDS TOM HANKS AND SAM
225
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,740
BOONE, NORTH CAROLINA, WITH OUR
FRIENDS TOM HANKS AND SAM
ELLIOT.
226
00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:15,073
FRIENDS TOM HANKS AND SAM
ELLIOT.
AND IT WORKED!
227
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:19,244
ELLIOT.
AND IT WORKED!
AFTER THE AD AIRED, FOGGY PINE
228
00:06:19,246 --> 00:06:20,345
AND IT WORKED!
AFTER THE AD AIRED, FOGGY PINE
HAD TO HIRE FIVE NEW STAFFERS TO
229
00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:22,814
AFTER THE AD AIRED, FOGGY PINE
HAD TO HIRE FIVE NEW STAFFERS TO
HELP HANDLE ALL THEIR NEW SALES!
230
00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:23,815
HAD TO HIRE FIVE NEW STAFFERS TO
HELP HANDLE ALL THEIR NEW SALES!
AND THAT MADE US WANT TO HELP
231
00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:24,349
HELP HANDLE ALL THEIR NEW SALES!
AND THAT MADE US WANT TO HELP
SOME OTHER BUSINESSES.
232
00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:26,952
AND THAT MADE US WANT TO HELP
SOME OTHER BUSINESSES.
SO WE ENCOURAGED SMALL
233
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:27,519
SOME OTHER BUSINESSES.
SO WE ENCOURAGED SMALL
BUSINESSES THAT COULD USE A
234
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:30,856
SO WE ENCOURAGED SMALL
BUSINESSES THAT COULD USE A
BOOST TO POST ON SOCIAL MEDIA
235
00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:32,324
BUSINESSES THAT COULD USE A
BOOST TO POST ON SOCIAL MEDIA
USING THE HASHTAG "COLBERT-
236
00:06:32,326 --> 00:06:34,326
BOOST TO POST ON SOCIAL MEDIA
USING THE HASHTAG "COLBERT-
SMALL-BIZ-BUMP."
237
00:06:34,328 --> 00:06:36,328
USING THE HASHTAG "COLBERT-
SMALL-BIZ-BUMP."
AND WHILE THE BUSINESSES WERE
238
00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:38,096
SMALL-BIZ-BUMP."
AND WHILE THE BUSINESSES WERE
SMALL, THE RESPONSE WAS "VENTI."
239
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:38,697
AND WHILE THE BUSINESSES WERE
SMALL, THE RESPONSE WAS "VENTI."
WE HEARD FROM GREAT PLACES TO
240
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:40,332
SMALL, THE RESPONSE WAS "VENTI."
WE HEARD FROM GREAT PLACES TO
AT, LIKE SHAWNNIECAKES IN CEDAR
241
00:06:40,334 --> 00:06:43,769
WE HEARD FROM GREAT PLACES TO
AT, LIKE SHAWNNIECAKES IN CEDAR
RAPIDS, IOWA; THE BLUE BENN
242
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:44,369
AT, LIKE SHAWNNIECAKES IN CEDAR
RAPIDS, IOWA; THE BLUE BENN
DINER IN BENNINGTON, VERMONT;
243
00:06:44,371 --> 00:06:47,672
RAPIDS, IOWA; THE BLUE BENN
DINER IN BENNINGTON, VERMONT;
AND CRAZY HOT CHICKEN IN SANTA
244
00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:48,340
DINER IN BENNINGTON, VERMONT;
AND CRAZY HOT CHICKEN IN SANTA
CLARITA, CALIFORNIA, WHO SENT
245
00:06:48,342 --> 00:06:50,041
AND CRAZY HOT CHICKEN IN SANTA
CLARITA, CALIFORNIA, WHO SENT
THIS MESSAGE:
246
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:50,909
CLARITA, CALIFORNIA, WHO SENT
THIS MESSAGE:
>> YOU LIKE CHICKEN?
247
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,310
THIS MESSAGE:
>> YOU LIKE CHICKEN?
YOU LIKE BEER?
248
00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:54,646
>> YOU LIKE CHICKEN?
YOU LIKE BEER?
WELL, GET SOME CRAZY HOT CHICKEN
249
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:55,647
YOU LIKE BEER?
WELL, GET SOME CRAZY HOT CHICKEN
OVER HERE, OKAY?
250
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:56,348
WELL, GET SOME CRAZY HOT CHICKEN
OVER HERE, OKAY?
>> Stephen: OOH, NICE RHYME!
251
00:06:56,350 --> 00:06:58,950
OVER HERE, OKAY?
>> Stephen: OOH, NICE RHYME!
LET ME TRY A VERSE: DON'T BUY A
252
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,185
>> Stephen: OOH, NICE RHYME!
LET ME TRY A VERSE: DON'T BUY A
FRIED BIRD FROM A NATIONAL
253
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:00,752
LET ME TRY A VERSE: DON'T BUY A
FRIED BIRD FROM A NATIONAL
CHAIN, OUR PRICES, LIKE OUR
254
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,954
FRIED BIRD FROM A NATIONAL
CHAIN, OUR PRICES, LIKE OUR
CHICKEN, ARE CLINICALLY INSANE!
255
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:05,957
CHAIN, OUR PRICES, LIKE OUR
CHICKEN, ARE CLINICALLY INSANE!
OKAY?
256
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:07,692
CHICKEN, ARE CLINICALLY INSANE!
OKAY?
WE HEARD FROM AMAZING SHOPS,
257
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:08,326
OKAY?
WE HEARD FROM AMAZING SHOPS,
LIKE KAUFMAN SHOES, A FAMILY-
258
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:11,263
WE HEARD FROM AMAZING SHOPS,
LIKE KAUFMAN SHOES, A FAMILY-
OWNED BUSINESS THAT'S BEEN IN
259
00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:12,364
LIKE KAUFMAN SHOES, A FAMILY-
OWNED BUSINESS THAT'S BEEN IN
MEMPHIS FOR OVER 70 YEARS.
260
00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:14,533
OWNED BUSINESS THAT'S BEEN IN
MEMPHIS FOR OVER 70 YEARS.
AND PARTY PLANET IN FAIRBANKS,
261
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:15,100
MEMPHIS FOR OVER 70 YEARS.
AND PARTY PLANET IN FAIRBANKS,
ALASKA, WHO MAKE INCREDIBLE
262
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:16,334
AND PARTY PLANET IN FAIRBANKS,
ALASKA, WHO MAKE INCREDIBLE
BALLOON SCULPTURES LIKE THIS
263
00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:20,238
ALASKA, WHO MAKE INCREDIBLE
BALLOON SCULPTURES LIKE THIS
CTHULHU THAT IS SO REALISTIC,
264
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:20,806
BALLOON SCULPTURES LIKE THIS
CTHULHU THAT IS SO REALISTIC,
ITS MERE VISAGE CAN WARP THE
265
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:23,475
CTHULHU THAT IS SO REALISTIC,
ITS MERE VISAGE CAN WARP THE
MIND WITH PRE-HUMAN GEOMETRIES
266
00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:24,142
ITS MERE VISAGE CAN WARP THE
MIND WITH PRE-HUMAN GEOMETRIES
AND DRIVE SANE MEN SCREAMING
267
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:24,643
MIND WITH PRE-HUMAN GEOMETRIES
AND DRIVE SANE MEN SCREAMING
TOWARDS THE MOUNTAINS OF
268
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,945
AND DRIVE SANE MEN SCREAMING
TOWARDS THE MOUNTAINS OF
MADNESS.
269
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,180
TOWARDS THE MOUNTAINS OF
MADNESS.
OR THEY CAN ALSO DO A DACHSHUND.
270
00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:28,647
MADNESS.
OR THEY CAN ALSO DO A DACHSHUND.
( EVIE LAUGHING )
271
00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:29,314
OR THEY CAN ALSO DO A DACHSHUND.
( EVIE LAUGHING )
THEN THERE WAS HEALTHY APPETITES
272
00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:31,716
( EVIE LAUGHING )
THEN THERE WAS HEALTHY APPETITES
NATURAL FOODS IN PLYMOUTH,
273
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:32,350
THEN THERE WAS HEALTHY APPETITES
NATURAL FOODS IN PLYMOUTH,
MASSACHUSETTS.
274
00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:32,918
NATURAL FOODS IN PLYMOUTH,
MASSACHUSETTS.
THEY WROTE TO US WITH THIS
275
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:36,321
MASSACHUSETTS.
THEY WROTE TO US WITH THIS
SIMPLE REQUEST: "WE APPRECIATE
276
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:37,956
THEY WROTE TO US WITH THIS
SIMPLE REQUEST: "WE APPRECIATE
ANY HELP YOU CAN GIVE US TO GET
277
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:38,957
SIMPLE REQUEST: "WE APPRECIATE
ANY HELP YOU CAN GIVE US TO GET
THE WORD OUT THAT WE ARE STILL
278
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:42,027
ANY HELP YOU CAN GIVE US TO GET
THE WORD OUT THAT WE ARE STILL
STANDING TALL AFTER COVID-19, WE
279
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:43,662
THE WORD OUT THAT WE ARE STILL
STANDING TALL AFTER COVID-19, WE
JUST MOVED THREE MINUTES FROM
280
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:44,062
STANDING TALL AFTER COVID-19, WE
JUST MOVED THREE MINUTES FROM
OUR OLD LOCATION."
281
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:46,965
JUST MOVED THREE MINUTES FROM
OUR OLD LOCATION."
WELL, HEALTHY APPETITES, I DON'T
282
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:47,999
OUR OLD LOCATION."
WELL, HEALTHY APPETITES, I DON'T
KNOW HOW I CAN HELP YOU GET THE
283
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:48,366
WELL, HEALTHY APPETITES, I DON'T
KNOW HOW I CAN HELP YOU GET THE
WORD OUT-- WHAT?
284
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:50,168
KNOW HOW I CAN HELP YOU GET THE
WORD OUT-- WHAT?
WHAT?
285
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:50,969
WORD OUT-- WHAT?
WHAT?
WHAT'S THIS?
286
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,337
WHAT?
WHAT'S THIS?
I'M BEING TOLD THAT WE HAVE A
287
00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:54,706
WHAT'S THIS?
I'M BEING TOLD THAT WE HAVE A
NEWS ALERT FROM YOUR LOCAL CBS
288
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:55,607
I'M BEING TOLD THAT WE HAVE A
NEWS ALERT FROM YOUR LOCAL CBS
AFFILIATE, WBZ, BOSTON'S NEWS
289
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:56,341
NEWS ALERT FROM YOUR LOCAL CBS
AFFILIATE, WBZ, BOSTON'S NEWS
LEADER!
290
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:58,076
AFFILIATE, WBZ, BOSTON'S NEWS
LEADER!
♪ ♪ ♪
291
00:07:58,078 --> 00:07:59,144
LEADER!
♪ ♪ ♪
>> PARDON THE INTERRUPTION,
292
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,345
♪ ♪ ♪
>> PARDON THE INTERRUPTION,
STEPHEN, BUT WE HAVE BREAKING
293
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:01,580
>> PARDON THE INTERRUPTION,
STEPHEN, BUT WE HAVE BREAKING
NEWS OUT OF PLYMOUTH.
294
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:02,981
STEPHEN, BUT WE HAVE BREAKING
NEWS OUT OF PLYMOUTH.
>> THAT'S RIGHT, AN ALERT FOR
295
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,349
NEWS OUT OF PLYMOUTH.
>> THAT'S RIGHT, AN ALERT FOR
AREA RESIDENTS: THEIR HEALTHY
296
00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:05,784
>> THAT'S RIGHT, AN ALERT FOR
AREA RESIDENTS: THEIR HEALTHY
APPETITES NATURAL FOOD STORE HAS
297
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:07,252
AREA RESIDENTS: THEIR HEALTHY
APPETITES NATURAL FOOD STORE HAS
MOVED LOCATIONS.
298
00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:08,320
APPETITES NATURAL FOOD STORE HAS
MOVED LOCATIONS.
THIS IS NOT A TEST.
299
00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,489
MOVED LOCATIONS.
THIS IS NOT A TEST.
I REPEAT, HEALTHY APPETITES HAS
300
00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:11,756
THIS IS NOT A TEST.
I REPEAT, HEALTHY APPETITES HAS
MOVED LOCATIONS.
301
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:12,357
I REPEAT, HEALTHY APPETITES HAS
MOVED LOCATIONS.
YOU CAN NOW FIND THEM AT
302
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:14,826
MOVED LOCATIONS.
YOU CAN NOW FIND THEM AT
11 RAFFAELE ROAD IN THE CAMELOT
303
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:15,193
YOU CAN NOW FIND THEM AT
11 RAFFAELE ROAD IN THE CAMELOT
INDUSTRIAL PARK.
304
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:16,328
11 RAFFAELE ROAD IN THE CAMELOT
INDUSTRIAL PARK.
>> NOW, THAT'S NEAR THE B.J.'S
305
00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:19,064
INDUSTRIAL PARK.
>> NOW, THAT'S NEAR THE B.J.'S
TIRE CENTER, PAST THE COUNTRY
306
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,365
>> NOW, THAT'S NEAR THE B.J.'S
TIRE CENTER, PAST THE COUNTRY
KITCHEN.
307
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:20,999
TIRE CENTER, PAST THE COUNTRY
KITCHEN.
IF YOU REACH TRUGREEN LAWN CARE,
308
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:23,301
KITCHEN.
IF YOU REACH TRUGREEN LAWN CARE,
YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR.
309
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:24,236
IF YOU REACH TRUGREEN LAWN CARE,
YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR.
SO TURN AROUND, AND YOU'LL FIND
310
00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:25,670
YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR.
SO TURN AROUND, AND YOU'LL FIND
THE NEW LOCATION FOR HEALTHY
311
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:26,771
SO TURN AROUND, AND YOU'LL FIND
THE NEW LOCATION FOR HEALTHY
APPETITES.
312
00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:27,405
THE NEW LOCATION FOR HEALTHY
APPETITES.
OH, AND YOU HAVE TO TRY THE KELP
313
00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:28,340
APPETITES.
OH, AND YOU HAVE TO TRY THE KELP
SUPPLEMENTS.
314
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:30,308
OH, AND YOU HAVE TO TRY THE KELP
SUPPLEMENTS.
THEY'RE ON SALE.
315
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:32,344
SUPPLEMENTS.
THEY'RE ON SALE.
>> MORE AS THIS STORY DEVELOPS.
316
00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:32,978
THEY'RE ON SALE.
>> MORE AS THIS STORY DEVELOPS.
NOW BACK TO STEPHEN COLBERT FOR
317
00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,346
>> MORE AS THIS STORY DEVELOPS.
NOW BACK TO STEPHEN COLBERT FOR
OUR REGULARLY-SCHEDULED
318
00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:35,947
NOW BACK TO STEPHEN COLBERT FOR
OUR REGULARLY-SCHEDULED
PROGRAMMING.
319
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:36,348
OUR REGULARLY-SCHEDULED
PROGRAMMING.
♪ ♪ ♪
320
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:38,149
PROGRAMMING.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: THANKS DAVID, THANKS
321
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:38,950
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: THANKS DAVID, THANKS
LISA.
322
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,318
>> Stephen: THANKS DAVID, THANKS
LISA.
I KNOW THE ENTIRE BZ NEWS TEAM
323
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,522
LISA.
I KNOW THE ENTIRE BZ NEWS TEAM
WILL STAY ON TOP OF THE STORY AS
324
00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:44,322
I KNOW THE ENTIRE BZ NEWS TEAM
WILL STAY ON TOP OF THE STORY AS
HEALTHY APPETITES CONTINUES TO
325
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:47,392
WILL STAY ON TOP OF THE STORY AS
HEALTHY APPETITES CONTINUES TO
BE WHERE IT NOW IS.
326
00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:47,759
HEALTHY APPETITES CONTINUES TO
BE WHERE IT NOW IS.
( LAUGHTER )
327
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:50,562
BE WHERE IT NOW IS.
( LAUGHTER )
NEXT, WE GOT A GREAT VIDEO FROM
328
00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:51,162
( LAUGHTER )
NEXT, WE GOT A GREAT VIDEO FROM
A PLACE CALLED LAZER LADIES IN
329
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:54,766
NEXT, WE GOT A GREAT VIDEO FROM
A PLACE CALLED LAZER LADIES IN
LAS VEGAS-- A WARNING TO PARENTS
330
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:56,301
A PLACE CALLED LAZER LADIES IN
LAS VEGAS-- A WARNING TO PARENTS
OF SMALL CHILDREN OUT THERE,
331
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:56,968
LAS VEGAS-- A WARNING TO PARENTS
OF SMALL CHILDREN OUT THERE,
IT IS NOT A STRIP CLUB.
332
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,570
OF SMALL CHILDREN OUT THERE,
IT IS NOT A STRIP CLUB.
>> HI, STEPHEN COLBERT.
333
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,005
IT IS NOT A STRIP CLUB.
>> HI, STEPHEN COLBERT.
WE'RE THE LAZER LADIES FROM LOS
334
00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:00,305
>> HI, STEPHEN COLBERT.
WE'RE THE LAZER LADIES FROM LOS
VEGAS.
335
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,941
WE'RE THE LAZER LADIES FROM LOS
VEGAS.
WE LAZER ENGRAVE GIFTS AND
336
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,175
VEGAS.
WE LAZER ENGRAVE GIFTS AND
AWARDS FOR AMERICA'S HEROES.
337
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:04,743
WE LAZER ENGRAVE GIFTS AND
AWARDS FOR AMERICA'S HEROES.
>> AND THOSE THAT TRY THEIR
338
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,978
AWARDS FOR AMERICA'S HEROES.
>> AND THOSE THAT TRY THEIR
BEST.
339
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:08,346
>> AND THOSE THAT TRY THEIR
BEST.
>> WE'RE SISTERS--
340
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:08,947
BEST.
>> WE'RE SISTERS--
>> SHE'S AN AIR FORCE VETERAN.
341
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:12,350
>> WE'RE SISTERS--
>> SHE'S AN AIR FORCE VETERAN.
>> AND WE ARE... FUN-SIZED!
342
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,953
>> SHE'S AN AIR FORCE VETERAN.
>> AND WE ARE... FUN-SIZED!
>> Stephen: OKAY, THAT IS HOW
343
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,354
>> AND WE ARE... FUN-SIZED!
>> Stephen: OKAY, THAT IS HOW
YOU SELL A SMALL BUSINESS--
344
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,990
>> Stephen: OKAY, THAT IS HOW
YOU SELL A SMALL BUSINESS--
SORRY, FUN-SIZE BUSINESS.
345
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:20,325
YOU SELL A SMALL BUSINESS--
SORRY, FUN-SIZE BUSINESS.
AFTER SEEING THAT, I CAN SAY
346
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:20,959
SORRY, FUN-SIZE BUSINESS.
AFTER SEEING THAT, I CAN SAY
WITH CONFIDENCE, THAT THERE IS
347
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:24,162
AFTER SEEING THAT, I CAN SAY
WITH CONFIDENCE, THAT THERE IS
ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER VETERAN-
348
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:24,729
WITH CONFIDENCE, THAT THERE IS
ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER VETERAN-
OWNED COMPANY STARTED BY TWO
349
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,932
ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER VETERAN-
OWNED COMPANY STARTED BY TWO
ENERGETIC SISTERS UNDER 5-FEET
350
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,300
OWNED COMPANY STARTED BY TWO
ENERGETIC SISTERS UNDER 5-FEET
TALL THAT I WOULD TRUST TO LAZER
351
00:09:28,302 --> 00:09:29,935
ENERGETIC SISTERS UNDER 5-FEET
TALL THAT I WOULD TRUST TO LAZER
ENGRAVE A TOILET.
352
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:31,169
TALL THAT I WOULD TRUST TO LAZER
ENGRAVE A TOILET.
( EVIE LAUGHING )
353
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:31,736
ENGRAVE A TOILET.
( EVIE LAUGHING )
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO VIDEOS,
354
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:32,971
( EVIE LAUGHING )
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO VIDEOS,
THERE WAS ONE THAT REALLY CAUGHT
355
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:35,407
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO VIDEOS,
THERE WAS ONE THAT REALLY CAUGHT
MY EYE.
356
00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:36,308
THERE WAS ONE THAT REALLY CAUGHT
MY EYE.
TAKE A LOOK.
357
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:50,949
>> Stephen: AFTER SEEING THAT,
MY DAY GOT VERY FUDGEY.
( EVIE LAUGHING )
358
00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:52,317
MY DAY GOT VERY FUDGEY.
( EVIE LAUGHING )
AND AFTER MORE THAN A YEAR OF
359
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:53,685
( EVIE LAUGHING )
AND AFTER MORE THAN A YEAR OF
ISOLATION AND TRAVEL
360
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:54,986
AND AFTER MORE THAN A YEAR OF
ISOLATION AND TRAVEL
RESTRICTIONS, I BELIEVE THAT
361
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,254
ISOLATION AND TRAVEL
RESTRICTIONS, I BELIEVE THAT
WHAT THIS COUNTRY NEEDS NOW,
362
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:56,888
RESTRICTIONS, I BELIEVE THAT
WHAT THIS COUNTRY NEEDS NOW,
MORE THAN ANYTHING, IS SOME GOOD
363
00:10:56,890 --> 00:11:00,191
WHAT THIS COUNTRY NEEDS NOW,
MORE THAN ANYTHING, IS SOME GOOD
OLD-FASHIONED VACATION FUDGE.
364
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:00,759
MORE THAN ANYTHING, IS SOME GOOD
OLD-FASHIONED VACATION FUDGE.
SO TONIGHT, WE AT "THE LATE
365
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,927
OLD-FASHIONED VACATION FUDGE.
SO TONIGHT, WE AT "THE LATE
SHOW" HELP MARJOE AND THE JUST
366
00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:04,329
SO TONIGHT, WE AT "THE LATE
SHOW" HELP MARJOE AND THE JUST
HEAVENLY FUDGE FACTORY BY GIVING
367
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:08,333
SHOW" HELP MARJOE AND THE JUST
HEAVENLY FUDGE FACTORY BY GIVING
THEM THEIR VERY OWN NATIONAL AD
368
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:08,967
HEAVENLY FUDGE FACTORY BY GIVING
THEM THEIR VERY OWN NATIONAL AD
CELEBRATING FUDGE-- A.K.A. "THE
369
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:12,337
THEM THEIR VERY OWN NATIONAL AD
CELEBRATING FUDGE-- A.K.A. "THE
DELICACY OF KINGS"-- IF A KING
370
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:13,772
CELEBRATING FUDGE-- A.K.A. "THE
DELICACY OF KINGS"-- IF A KING
HAD CO-WORKERS WHO WENT ON
371
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:14,973
DELICACY OF KINGS"-- IF A KING
HAD CO-WORKERS WHO WENT ON
VACATION AND BROUGHT THEM BACK A
372
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:16,341
HAD CO-WORKERS WHO WENT ON
VACATION AND BROUGHT THEM BACK A
BOX OF FUDGE.
373
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:17,609
VACATION AND BROUGHT THEM BACK A
BOX OF FUDGE.
JIM?
374
00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:19,477
BOX OF FUDGE.
JIM?
♪ ♪ ♪
375
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:20,345
JIM?
♪ ♪ ♪
>> LOVE, YOU CAN SAY IT WITH
376
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:23,181
♪ ♪ ♪
>> LOVE, YOU CAN SAY IT WITH
A LOOK.
377
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,349
>> LOVE, YOU CAN SAY IT WITH
A LOOK.
YOU CAN SAY IT WITH A TOUCH.
378
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:28,353
A LOOK.
YOU CAN SAY IT WITH A TOUCH.
YOU CAN SAY IT WITH FUDGE.
379
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:32,023
YOU CAN SAY IT WITH A TOUCH.
YOU CAN SAY IT WITH FUDGE.
WHEN WORDS CAN'T EXPRESS HOW YOU
380
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:32,590
YOU CAN SAY IT WITH FUDGE.
WHEN WORDS CAN'T EXPRESS HOW YOU
FEEL THERE'S HEAVENLY FUDGE
381
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:35,593
WHEN WORDS CAN'T EXPRESS HOW YOU
FEEL THERE'S HEAVENLY FUDGE
FACTORY AND GIFT SHOP ON LOPEZ
382
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:36,327
FEEL THERE'S HEAVENLY FUDGE
FACTORY AND GIFT SHOP ON LOPEZ
ISLAND, WASHINGTON.
383
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:42,233
FACTORY AND GIFT SHOP ON LOPEZ
ISLAND, WASHINGTON.
WITH OVER 150 FLAVORS, THERE'S A
384
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,302
ISLAND, WASHINGTON.
WITH OVER 150 FLAVORS, THERE'S A
FUDGE FOR EVERYONE: RED VELVET
385
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:44,969
WITH OVER 150 FLAVORS, THERE'S A
FUDGE FOR EVERYONE: RED VELVET
FOR THE PASSIONATE.
386
00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:48,339
FUDGE FOR EVERYONE: RED VELVET
FOR THE PASSIONATE.
SNICKER'S BAR FOR THE DECADENT.
387
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:50,942
FOR THE PASSIONATE.
SNICKER'S BAR FOR THE DECADENT.
REDUCED-SUGAR PISTACHIO, FOR THE
388
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:54,479
SNICKER'S BAR FOR THE DECADENT.
REDUCED-SUGAR PISTACHIO, FOR THE
DIABETIC.
389
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:56,347
REDUCED-SUGAR PISTACHIO, FOR THE
DIABETIC.
AND FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS,
390
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:56,948
DIABETIC.
AND FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS,
THERE'S ALSO...
391
00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:59,317
AND FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS,
THERE'S ALSO...
>> ORCA POOP.
392
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:00,351
THERE'S ALSO...
>> ORCA POOP.
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.
393
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:02,053
>> ORCA POOP.
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.
( LAUGHS )
394
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:02,954
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.
( LAUGHS )
>> SO WHEN YOU WANT ONLY THE
395
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:06,124
( LAUGHS )
>> SO WHEN YOU WANT ONLY THE
BEST, SIMPLY FLY TO SEATTLE,
396
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:08,193
>> SO WHEN YOU WANT ONLY THE
BEST, SIMPLY FLY TO SEATTLE,
DRIVE AN HOUR-AND-A-HALF NORTH,
397
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:08,793
BEST, SIMPLY FLY TO SEATTLE,
DRIVE AN HOUR-AND-A-HALF NORTH,
HOP ON A QUICK 45-MINUTE FERRY
398
00:12:08,795 --> 00:12:11,963
DRIVE AN HOUR-AND-A-HALF NORTH,
HOP ON A QUICK 45-MINUTE FERRY
RIDE, AND VOILA!
399
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:12,530
HOP ON A QUICK 45-MINUTE FERRY
RIDE, AND VOILA!
YOU'RE ONLY A 10-MINUTE RIDE
400
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,966
RIDE, AND VOILA!
YOU'RE ONLY A 10-MINUTE RIDE
AWAY FROM FUDGE FACTORY AND GIFT
401
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:19,437
YOU'RE ONLY A 10-MINUTE RIDE
AWAY FROM FUDGE FACTORY AND GIFT
SHOP OR VISIT ONLINE AT
402
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:20,338
AWAY FROM FUDGE FACTORY AND GIFT
SHOP OR VISIT ONLINE AT
justheavenlyfudge.com, AND ORDER
403
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:23,108
SHOP OR VISIT ONLINE AT
justheavenlyfudge.com, AND ORDER
THE FUDGE PREFERRED BY GRAMMY
404
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,342
justheavenlyfudge.com, AND ORDER
THE FUDGE PREFERRED BY GRAMMY
AWARD-WINNING INSTRUMENTALISTS
405
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:25,443
THE FUDGE PREFERRED BY GRAMMY
AWARD-WINNING INSTRUMENTALISTS
LIKE THIS ONE.
406
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:26,544
AWARD-WINNING INSTRUMENTALISTS
LIKE THIS ONE.
( SMOOTH JAZZY SAX )
407
00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:26,945
LIKE THIS ONE.
( SMOOTH JAZZY SAX )
♪ ♪ ♪
408
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,313
( SMOOTH JAZZY SAX )
♪ ♪ ♪
>> I'M WASHINGTON STATE NATIVE
409
00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:31,249
♪ ♪ ♪
>> I'M WASHINGTON STATE NATIVE
KENNY G., AND I'M HERE TO TELL
410
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,317
>> I'M WASHINGTON STATE NATIVE
KENNY G., AND I'M HERE TO TELL
YOU THAT FUDGE FROM JUST
411
00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:36,154
KENNY G., AND I'M HERE TO TELL
YOU THAT FUDGE FROM JUST
HEAVENLY FUDGE FACTORY JUST
412
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:36,788
YOU THAT FUDGE FROM JUST
HEAVENLY FUDGE FACTORY JUST
MIGHT BE AS SMOOTH AS MY SOPRANO
413
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:38,957
HEAVENLY FUDGE FACTORY JUST
MIGHT BE AS SMOOTH AS MY SOPRANO
SAXOPHONE AND AS SEDUCTIVE AS
414
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:40,291
MIGHT BE AS SMOOTH AS MY SOPRANO
SAXOPHONE AND AS SEDUCTIVE AS
THESE CURLS.
415
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:44,329
SAXOPHONE AND AS SEDUCTIVE AS
THESE CURLS.
( SMOOTH JAZZY SAX )
416
00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:47,866
THESE CURLS.
( SMOOTH JAZZY SAX )
♪ ♪ ♪
417
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:48,466
( SMOOTH JAZZY SAX )
♪ ♪ ♪
>> YOUR LOVE IS MEANT TO LAST,
418
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,969
♪ ♪ ♪
>> YOUR LOVE IS MEANT TO LAST,
SO GIVE HER THE GIFT THAT GOES
419
00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:56,174
>> YOUR LOVE IS MEANT TO LAST,
SO GIVE HER THE GIFT THAT GOES
STRAIGHT TO HER HEART.
420
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:56,508
SO GIVE HER THE GIFT THAT GOES
STRAIGHT TO HER HEART.
>> FUDGE, YES!
421
00:12:56,510 --> 00:12:57,008
STRAIGHT TO HER HEART.
>> FUDGE, YES!
>> ( THROUGH FUDGE )
422
00:12:57,010 --> 00:13:00,345
>> FUDGE, YES!
>> ( THROUGH FUDGE )
I'M THE HAPPIEST MAN IN THE
423
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:02,680
>> ( THROUGH FUDGE )
I'M THE HAPPIEST MAN IN THE
WORLD.
424
00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:03,047
I'M THE HAPPIEST MAN IN THE
WORLD.
>> JUST PERFECT.
425
00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:06,684
WORLD.
>> JUST PERFECT.
JUST DECADENT.
426
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,286
>> JUST PERFECT.
JUST DECADENT.
JUST HEAVENLY FUDGE FACTORY ON
427
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,522
JUST DECADENT.
JUST HEAVENLY FUDGE FACTORY ON
LOPEZ ISLAND, WASHINGTON.
428
00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:12,357
JUST HEAVENLY FUDGE FACTORY ON
LOPEZ ISLAND, WASHINGTON.
>> AND HAVE YOURSELF A FUDGEY
429
00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:16,327
LOPEZ ISLAND, WASHINGTON.
>> AND HAVE YOURSELF A FUDGEY
DAY!
430
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:18,997
>> AND HAVE YOURSELF A FUDGEY
DAY!
>> Stephen: THANK YOU TO KENNY
431
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:19,998
DAY!
>> Stephen: THANK YOU TO KENNY
G., THANK YOU MARJOE, THANK YOU
432
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:20,365
>> Stephen: THANK YOU TO KENNY
G., THANK YOU MARJOE, THANK YOU
MARJOE'S MOHAWK.
433
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:23,635
G., THANK YOU MARJOE, THANK YOU
MARJOE'S MOHAWK.
( LAUGHTER )
434
00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:24,302
MARJOE'S MOHAWK.
( LAUGHTER )
I HOPE THAT MOVES SOME FUDGE.
435
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,738
( LAUGHTER )
I HOPE THAT MOVES SOME FUDGE.
AND I'M EXCITED TO ANNOUNCE,
436
00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:27,372
I HOPE THAT MOVES SOME FUDGE.
AND I'M EXCITED TO ANNOUNCE,
THAT EVERY SMALL BUSINESS THAT I
437
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:28,339
AND I'M EXCITED TO ANNOUNCE,
THAT EVERY SMALL BUSINESS THAT I
MENTIONED TONIGHT WILL BE
438
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:32,343
THAT EVERY SMALL BUSINESS THAT I
MENTIONED TONIGHT WILL BE
RECEIVING THIS...
439
00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:34,479
MENTIONED TONIGHT WILL BE
RECEIVING THIS...
PLAQUE, READING, "AS SEEN ON
440
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,181
RECEIVING THIS...
PLAQUE, READING, "AS SEEN ON
'THE LATE SHOW.'"
441
00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:36,714
PLAQUE, READING, "AS SEEN ON
'THE LATE SHOW.'"
EACH ONE IS AN EXCLUSIVE,
442
00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:38,917
'THE LATE SHOW.'"
EACH ONE IS AN EXCLUSIVE,
LIMITED-EDITION DECORATIVE
443
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,318
EACH ONE IS AN EXCLUSIVE,
LIMITED-EDITION DECORATIVE
ENGRAVING CREATED BY NONE OTHER
444
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,653
LIMITED-EDITION DECORATIVE
ENGRAVING CREATED BY NONE OTHER
THAN THE LAZER LADIES OF LAS
445
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:42,654
ENGRAVING CREATED BY NONE OTHER
THAN THE LAZER LADIES OF LAS
VEGAS.
446
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:43,621
THAN THE LAZER LADIES OF LAS
VEGAS.
( LAUGHTER )
447
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:44,322
VEGAS.
( LAUGHTER )
SO IF YOU'RE NEAR ONE OF THOSE
448
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,591
( LAUGHTER )
SO IF YOU'RE NEAR ONE OF THOSE
PLACES, GO CHECK OUT THE PLAQUE
449
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:47,826
SO IF YOU'RE NEAR ONE OF THOSE
PLACES, GO CHECK OUT THE PLAQUE
AND SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL
450
00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:48,326
PLACES, GO CHECK OUT THE PLAQUE
AND SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL
BUSINESSES.
451
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,628
AND SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL
BUSINESSES.
AND YOU CAN SUPPORT SMALL
452
00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:51,262
BUSINESSES.
AND YOU CAN SUPPORT SMALL
BUSINESSES ALL OVER THE COUNTRY
453
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,330
AND YOU CAN SUPPORT SMALL
BUSINESSES ALL OVER THE COUNTRY
BY PICKING UP MERCH AT
454
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:55,200
BUSINESSES ALL OVER THE COUNTRY
BY PICKING UP MERCH AT
colbertlateshow.com/covidtour
455
00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:56,301
BY PICKING UP MERCH AT
colbertlateshow.com/covidtour
AND IF YOU HAVE A SMALL BUSINESS
456
00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:56,968
colbertlateshow.com/covidtour
AND IF YOU HAVE A SMALL BUSINESS
THAT COULD USE A BUMP OF PURE
457
00:13:56,970 --> 00:14:00,338
AND IF YOU HAVE A SMALL BUSINESS
THAT COULD USE A BUMP OF PURE
UNCUT BOOST, PLEASE POST TO
458
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,774
THAT COULD USE A BUMP OF PURE
UNCUT BOOST, PLEASE POST TO
SOCIAL MEDIA USING THE HASHTAG
459
00:14:02,776 --> 00:14:03,408
UNCUT BOOST, PLEASE POST TO
SOCIAL MEDIA USING THE HASHTAG
"COLBERT-SMALL-BIZ-BUMP" TO TELL
460
00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:06,277
SOCIAL MEDIA USING THE HASHTAG
"COLBERT-SMALL-BIZ-BUMP" TO TELL
US ABOUT IT AND WHAT MAKES YOUR
461
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,312
"COLBERT-SMALL-BIZ-BUMP" TO TELL
US ABOUT IT AND WHAT MAKES YOUR
BUSINESS SO SPECIAL.
462
00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:08,346
US ABOUT IT AND WHAT MAKES YOUR
BUSINESS SO SPECIAL.
WHETHER YOU'VE GOT A BARBECUE
463
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,114
BUSINESS SO SPECIAL.
WHETHER YOU'VE GOT A BARBECUE
JOINT OR A PETTING ZOO OR SOME
464
00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:10,849
WHETHER YOU'VE GOT A BARBECUE
JOINT OR A PETTING ZOO OR SOME
SUSPICIOUS COMBINATION OF THE
465
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,250
JOINT OR A PETTING ZOO OR SOME
SUSPICIOUS COMBINATION OF THE
TWO.
466
00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:12,617
SUSPICIOUS COMBINATION OF THE
TWO.
( LAUGHTER )
467
00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:14,752
TWO.
( LAUGHTER )
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
468
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:14,986
( LAUGHTER )
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
469
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,354
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
MY GUESTS ARE BILLY CRYSTAL AND
470
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,356
TONIGHT.
MY GUESTS ARE BILLY CRYSTAL AND
TIFFANY HADDISH.
471
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:19,591
MY GUESTS ARE BILLY CRYSTAL AND
TIFFANY HADDISH.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, NEWS FROM
472
00:14:19,593 --> 00:14:20,325
TIFFANY HADDISH.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, NEWS FROM
THE ANIMAL KINGDOM.
473
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:24,329
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, NEWS FROM
THE ANIMAL KINGDOM.
STICK AROUND.
474
00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:28,900
THE ANIMAL KINGDOM.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪
475
00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:49,554
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
476
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:50,355
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
YOU KNOW WHO I WANT TO TALK TO,
477
00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:51,756
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
YOU KNOW WHO I WANT TO TALK TO,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN?
478
00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:52,323
YOU KNOW WHO I WANT TO TALK TO,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN?
THE BEST WAY TO END MY WEEK
479
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,325
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN?
THE BEST WAY TO END MY WEEK
WOULD BE TO TALK TO YOUR FRIEND
480
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:55,894
THE BEST WAY TO END MY WEEK
WOULD BE TO TALK TO YOUR FRIEND
AND MINE, MR. JON BATISTE.
481
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:56,995
WOULD BE TO TALK TO YOUR FRIEND
AND MINE, MR. JON BATISTE.
HELLO, JON.
482
00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:57,862
AND MINE, MR. JON BATISTE.
HELLO, JON.
>> Jon: HELLO, STEPHEN.
483
00:14:57,864 --> 00:14:58,529
HELLO, JON.
>> Jon: HELLO, STEPHEN.
HOW YOU FEELING?
484
00:14:58,531 --> 00:14:59,764
>> Jon: HELLO, STEPHEN.
HOW YOU FEELING?
FRIDAY ENERGY.
485
00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:00,732
HOW YOU FEELING?
FRIDAY ENERGY.
>> Stephen: I AM FEELING GOOD.
486
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,333
FRIDAY ENERGY.
>> Stephen: I AM FEELING GOOD.
NOT JUST BECAUSE IT'S FRIDAY
487
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:03,534
>> Stephen: I AM FEELING GOOD.
NOT JUST BECAUSE IT'S FRIDAY
ENERGY, BUT IT'S BECAUSE WE
488
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:04,102
NOT JUST BECAUSE IT'S FRIDAY
ENERGY, BUT IT'S BECAUSE WE
HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE TO TALK
489
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:07,772
ENERGY, BUT IT'S BECAUSE WE
HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE TO TALK
SINCE YESTERDAY WHEN THE C.D.C.
490
00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:08,406
HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE TO TALK
SINCE YESTERDAY WHEN THE C.D.C.
ANNOUNCED IF YOU'RE VACCINATED,
491
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,508
SINCE YESTERDAY WHEN THE C.D.C.
ANNOUNCED IF YOU'RE VACCINATED,
NO NEED FOR MASKS!
492
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,710
ANNOUNCED IF YOU'RE VACCINATED,
NO NEED FOR MASKS!
YOU COULD PLAY A CONCERT TO A
493
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:14,212
NO NEED FOR MASKS!
YOU COULD PLAY A CONCERT TO A
ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE WITH NO
494
00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:15,780
YOU COULD PLAY A CONCERT TO A
ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE WITH NO
MASKS.
495
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:16,481
ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE WITH NO
MASKS.
>> Jon: OOH, MAN!
496
00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:17,749
MASKS.
>> Jon: OOH, MAN!
LOOK, AND I'M GOING TO DO JUST
497
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:19,150
>> Jon: OOH, MAN!
LOOK, AND I'M GOING TO DO JUST
THAT.
498
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:19,851
LOOK, AND I'M GOING TO DO JUST
THAT.
I CAN'T WAIT, THAT'S AMAZING.
499
00:15:19,853 --> 00:15:21,085
THAT.
I CAN'T WAIT, THAT'S AMAZING.
>> Stephen: THE CONCERT YOU'RE
500
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,520
I CAN'T WAIT, THAT'S AMAZING.
>> Stephen: THE CONCERT YOU'RE
GOING TO PLAY IS GOING TO BE AT
501
00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:25,290
>> Stephen: THE CONCERT YOU'RE
GOING TO PLAY IS GOING TO BE AT
THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER AT 1697
502
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:26,157
GOING TO PLAY IS GOING TO BE AT
THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER AT 1697
BROADWAY, IS WHAT YOU'RE GOING
503
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:27,325
THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER AT 1697
BROADWAY, IS WHAT YOU'RE GOING
TO DO.
504
00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:27,892
BROADWAY, IS WHAT YOU'RE GOING
TO DO.
ARE WE BACK IN ON MONDAY?
505
00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:28,526
TO DO.
ARE WE BACK IN ON MONDAY?
>> NO.
506
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:29,594
ARE WE BACK IN ON MONDAY?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: ARE WE BACK IN THE
507
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:30,528
>> NO.
>> Stephen: ARE WE BACK IN THE
THEATER ON MONDAY?
508
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:31,296
>> Stephen: ARE WE BACK IN THE
THEATER ON MONDAY?
>> ( INAUDIBLE )
509
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:31,896
THEATER ON MONDAY?
>> ( INAUDIBLE )
>> Stephen: WHY WOULDN'T WE BE
510
00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:33,798
>> ( INAUDIBLE )
>> Stephen: WHY WOULDN'T WE BE
BACK IN THE THEATER ON MONDAY?
511
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:34,532
>> Stephen: WHY WOULDN'T WE BE
BACK IN THE THEATER ON MONDAY?
THE C.D.C. SAYS-- BACK ME UP,
512
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:37,902
BACK IN THE THEATER ON MONDAY?
THE C.D.C. SAYS-- BACK ME UP,
JON-- THE C.D.C. SAYS NO RULES
513
00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:39,137
THE C.D.C. SAYS-- BACK ME UP,
JON-- THE C.D.C. SAYS NO RULES
ANYMORE.
514
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:39,537
JON-- THE C.D.C. SAYS NO RULES
ANYMORE.
IT'S ALL CHAOS!
515
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:39,904
ANYMORE.
IT'S ALL CHAOS!
WHAT?
516
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:45,209
IT'S ALL CHAOS!
WHAT?
( LAUGHTER )
517
00:15:45,211 --> 00:15:46,544
WHAT?
( LAUGHTER )
>> Jon: YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW,
518
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:47,845
( LAUGHTER )
>> Jon: YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW,
TEAR UP YOUR HISTORY BOOKS.
519
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:48,579
>> Jon: YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW,
TEAR UP YOUR HISTORY BOOKS.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY, TEAR UP
520
00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:49,380
TEAR UP YOUR HISTORY BOOKS.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY, TEAR UP
YOUR HISTORY BOOKS AND LIVE IN A
521
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:51,015
>> Stephen: EXACTLY, TEAR UP
YOUR HISTORY BOOKS AND LIVE IN A
CAVE.
522
00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:51,883
YOUR HISTORY BOOKS AND LIVE IN A
CAVE.
ANYTHING GOES NOW, RIGHT?
523
00:15:51,885 --> 00:15:52,483
CAVE.
ANYTHING GOES NOW, RIGHT?
IT'S A FREE-FOR-ALL!
524
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:54,919
ANYTHING GOES NOW, RIGHT?
IT'S A FREE-FOR-ALL!
( LAUGHTER )
525
00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:55,920
IT'S A FREE-FOR-ALL!
( LAUGHTER )
I'M DOING IT ALL.
526
00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:58,523
( LAUGHTER )
I'M DOING IT ALL.
I'LL WALK ON-- I CAN WALK ON THE
527
00:15:58,525 --> 00:15:59,891
I'M DOING IT ALL.
I'LL WALK ON-- I CAN WALK ON THE
ED SULLIVAN STAGE BUCK NAKED AND
528
00:15:59,893 --> 00:16:03,094
I'LL WALK ON-- I CAN WALK ON THE
ED SULLIVAN STAGE BUCK NAKED AND
THE C.D.C. SAYS IT'S JUST FINE!
529
00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:03,895
ED SULLIVAN STAGE BUCK NAKED AND
THE C.D.C. SAYS IT'S JUST FINE!
I'D WEAR A MASK, A STRATEGICALLY
530
00:16:03,897 --> 00:16:04,529
THE C.D.C. SAYS IT'S JUST FINE!
I'D WEAR A MASK, A STRATEGICALLY
PLACED MASK JUST FOR THAT.
531
00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:07,865
I'D WEAR A MASK, A STRATEGICALLY
PLACED MASK JUST FOR THAT.
( LAUGHTER )
532
00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:09,233
PLACED MASK JUST FOR THAT.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS!
533
00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:09,867
( LAUGHTER )
>> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS!
>> Stephen: I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE
534
00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:11,536
>> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS!
>> Stephen: I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE
YOU AGAIN.
535
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:12,103
>> Stephen: I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE
YOU AGAIN.
AND PLEASE BRING YOUR FRIEND
536
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,805
YOU AGAIN.
AND PLEASE BRING YOUR FRIEND
OSCAR ALONG WITH YOU, AND OF
537
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,440
AND PLEASE BRING YOUR FRIEND
OSCAR ALONG WITH YOU, AND OF
COURSE, SULEIKA.
538
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:16,007
OSCAR ALONG WITH YOU, AND OF
COURSE, SULEIKA.
AND THEN YOU, ME, EVIE, AND
539
00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:16,507
COURSE, SULEIKA.
AND THEN YOU, ME, EVIE, AND
SULEIKA.
540
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,042
AND THEN YOU, ME, EVIE, AND
SULEIKA.
EVIE'S RIGHT HERE.
541
00:16:18,044 --> 00:16:18,910
SULEIKA.
EVIE'S RIGHT HERE.
>> Jon: OH, EVIE!
542
00:16:18,912 --> 00:16:19,811
EVIE'S RIGHT HERE.
>> Jon: OH, EVIE!
HEY, EVIE!
543
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:20,178
>> Jon: OH, EVIE!
HEY, EVIE!
( LAUGHTER )
544
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:22,146
HEY, EVIE!
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THERE SHE IS.
545
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:22,547
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THERE SHE IS.
>> I CAN'T--
546
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:23,881
>> Stephen: THERE SHE IS.
>> I CAN'T--
Jon: I SEE THE HAND.
547
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,516
>> I CAN'T--
Jon: I SEE THE HAND.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WITH WHY
548
00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:26,617
Jon: I SEE THE HAND.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WITH WHY
I'M EXCITED, JON, WITHOUT THE
549
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:27,685
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WITH WHY
I'M EXCITED, JON, WITHOUT THE
MASKS, EVIE AND I CAN KISS
550
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:27,885
I'M EXCITED, JON, WITHOUT THE
MASKS, EVIE AND I CAN KISS
AGAIN.
551
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:30,054
MASKS, EVIE AND I CAN KISS
AGAIN.
( EVIE LAUGHING )
552
00:16:30,056 --> 00:16:31,622
AGAIN.
( EVIE LAUGHING )
WE HAVE NOT KISSED IN A YEAR AND
553
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:31,923
( EVIE LAUGHING )
WE HAVE NOT KISSED IN A YEAR AND
TWO MONTHS.
554
00:16:31,925 --> 00:16:34,525
WE HAVE NOT KISSED IN A YEAR AND
TWO MONTHS.
>> Jon: OH, YEAH.
555
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:35,393
TWO MONTHS.
>> Jon: OH, YEAH.
THAT'S A VERY GOOD THING.
556
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:35,893
>> Jon: OH, YEAH.
THAT'S A VERY GOOD THING.
YOU GOT--
557
00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:37,595
THAT'S A VERY GOOD THING.
YOU GOT--
>> HOLD ON THERE, BUDDY.
558
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:38,363
YOU GOT--
>> HOLD ON THERE, BUDDY.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
559
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:39,897
>> HOLD ON THERE, BUDDY.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
SHE'S VERY STRICT.
560
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:43,234
>> Stephen: YEAH.
SHE'S VERY STRICT.
( LAUGHTER )
561
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:43,868
SHE'S VERY STRICT.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Jon: COVID PROTOCOL, SOCIAL
562
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:45,603
( LAUGHTER )
>> Jon: COVID PROTOCOL, SOCIAL
DISTANCING.
563
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:46,537
>> Jon: COVID PROTOCOL, SOCIAL
DISTANCING.
>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.
564
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:47,905
DISTANCING.
>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.
JON, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING
565
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:51,342
>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.
JON, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING
CELEBRATORY NOW THAT THOSE OF US
566
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:51,876
JON, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING
CELEBRATORY NOW THAT THOSE OF US
WHO ARE VACCINED ARE FREE?
567
00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:54,545
CELEBRATORY NOW THAT THOSE OF US
WHO ARE VACCINED ARE FREE?
>> Jon: OH, YEAH, FREE, FREE.
568
00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:55,113
WHO ARE VACCINED ARE FREE?
>> Jon: OH, YEAH, FREE, FREE.
UH...
569
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:55,880
>> Jon: OH, YEAH, FREE, FREE.
UH...
♪ ♪ ♪
570
00:16:55,882 --> 00:17:05,490
UH...
♪ ♪ ♪
( "LATE SHOW" THEME )
571
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:07,759
♪ ♪ ♪
( "LATE SHOW" THEME )
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE,
572
00:17:07,761 --> 00:17:08,026
( "LATE SHOW" THEME )
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE,
EVERYBODY.
573
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,894
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE,
EVERYBODY.
SEE YOU IN THE THEATER ON
574
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:10,528
EVERYBODY.
SEE YOU IN THE THEATER ON
MONDAY, RIGHT, CHRIS?
575
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,429
SEE YOU IN THE THEATER ON
MONDAY, RIGHT, CHRIS?
( LAUGHTER )
576
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:11,896
MONDAY, RIGHT, CHRIS?
( LAUGHTER )
>> SURE.
577
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:14,565
( LAUGHTER )
>> SURE.
>> Stephen: SURE, OKAY.
578
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:15,900
>> SURE.
>> Stephen: SURE, OKAY.
BYE!
579
00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:17,735
>> Stephen: SURE, OKAY.
BYE!
>> Jon: BYE!
580
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:19,670
BYE!
>> Jon: BYE!
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, FOLKS,
581
00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:20,304
>> Jon: BYE!
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, FOLKS,
SOMETIMES ON THIS VERY SHOW, WE
582
00:17:20,306 --> 00:17:22,540
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, FOLKS,
SOMETIMES ON THIS VERY SHOW, WE
GET SO FOCUSED ON WHAT PEOPLE
583
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:23,908
SOMETIMES ON THIS VERY SHOW, WE
GET SO FOCUSED ON WHAT PEOPLE
ARE DOING THAT WE LOSE SIGHT OF
584
00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:24,976
GET SO FOCUSED ON WHAT PEOPLE
ARE DOING THAT WE LOSE SIGHT OF
THE FACT THAT ANIMALS ALSO DO
585
00:17:24,978 --> 00:17:25,843
ARE DOING THAT WE LOSE SIGHT OF
THE FACT THAT ANIMALS ALSO DO
THINGS.
586
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:26,978
THE FACT THAT ANIMALS ALSO DO
THINGS.
( EVIE LAUGHING )
587
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:27,912
THINGS.
( EVIE LAUGHING )
AND TONIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU ALL
588
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:28,546
( EVIE LAUGHING )
AND TONIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU ALL
ABOUT WHAT THEY'RE DOING, IN OUR
589
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:31,883
AND TONIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU ALL
ABOUT WHAT THEY'RE DOING, IN OUR
NEW WILDLIFE ROUNDUP: "THAT'S
590
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:34,519
ABOUT WHAT THEY'RE DOING, IN OUR
NEW WILDLIFE ROUNDUP: "THAT'S
WILD... LIFE!"
591
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:39,891
NEW WILDLIFE ROUNDUP: "THAT'S
WILD... LIFE!"
( EVIE LAUGHING )
592
00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:40,525
WILD... LIFE!"
( EVIE LAUGHING )
>> I'M CRAZY.
593
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:41,793
( EVIE LAUGHING )
>> I'M CRAZY.
( BIRDS CHIRPING )
594
00:17:41,795 --> 00:17:43,895
>> I'M CRAZY.
( BIRDS CHIRPING )
>> Stephen: YOU'RE ALSO VERY,
595
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:45,063
( BIRDS CHIRPING )
>> Stephen: YOU'RE ALSO VERY,
VERY LATE.
596
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:46,531
>> Stephen: YOU'RE ALSO VERY,
VERY LATE.
( LAUGHTER )
597
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:47,899
VERY LATE.
( LAUGHTER )
FIRST UP, BIG CATS!
598
00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:50,201
( LAUGHTER )
FIRST UP, BIG CATS!
>> MEOW!
599
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:51,903
FIRST UP, BIG CATS!
>> MEOW!
>> Stephen: IN CHINA, THREE
600
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:52,537
>> MEOW!
>> Stephen: IN CHINA, THREE
LEOPARDS ESCAPED A SAFARI PARK,
601
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:55,473
>> Stephen: IN CHINA, THREE
LEOPARDS ESCAPED A SAFARI PARK,
BUT STAFF DID NOT INFORM THE
602
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:56,007
LEOPARDS ESCAPED A SAFARI PARK,
BUT STAFF DID NOT INFORM THE
PUBLIC FOR A WEEK THAT THE
603
00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:58,076
BUT STAFF DID NOT INFORM THE
PUBLIC FOR A WEEK THAT THE
LEOPARDS HAD ESCAPED.
604
00:17:58,078 --> 00:17:58,676
PUBLIC FOR A WEEK THAT THE
LEOPARDS HAD ESCAPED.
NOT THE FIRST TIME THE PUBLIC
605
00:17:58,678 --> 00:17:59,911
LEOPARDS HAD ESCAPED.
NOT THE FIRST TIME THE PUBLIC
HASN'T BEEN PROPERLY WARNED
606
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:03,247
NOT THE FIRST TIME THE PUBLIC
HASN'T BEEN PROPERLY WARNED
ABOUT A CRISIS INVOLVING CATS.
607
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:03,881
HASN'T BEEN PROPERLY WARNED
ABOUT A CRISIS INVOLVING CATS.
IN A STATEMENT, THE ZOO
608
00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:06,150
ABOUT A CRISIS INVOLVING CATS.
IN A STATEMENT, THE ZOO
APOLOGIZED, SAYING, "WE WORRIED
609
00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:07,618
IN A STATEMENT, THE ZOO
APOLOGIZED, SAYING, "WE WORRIED
THAT THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE
610
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:08,186
APOLOGIZED, SAYING, "WE WORRIED
THAT THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE
INCIDENT WOULD CAUSE PANIC."
611
00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:10,054
THAT THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE
INCIDENT WOULD CAUSE PANIC."
OKAY, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE CAN
612
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:10,555
INCIDENT WOULD CAUSE PANIC."
OKAY, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE CAN
CAUSE PANIC?
613
00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:11,856
OKAY, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE CAN
CAUSE PANIC?
HAVING YOUR FACE EATEN BY THREE
614
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,091
CAUSE PANIC?
HAVING YOUR FACE EATEN BY THREE
LEOPARDS.
615
00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,725
HAVING YOUR FACE EATEN BY THREE
LEOPARDS.
( LAUGHTER )
616
00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:15,893
LEOPARDS.
( LAUGHTER )
NEXT UP, BIRDS!
617
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:19,897
( LAUGHTER )
NEXT UP, BIRDS!
>> CAW, CAW!
618
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:20,965
NEXT UP, BIRDS!
>> CAW, CAW!
( LAUGHTER )
619
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:22,533
>> CAW, CAW!
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: A CALIFORNIA WOMAN
620
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:23,901
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: A CALIFORNIA WOMAN
GOT AN UNWELCOME SURPRISE WHEN
621
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:25,670
>> Stephen: A CALIFORNIA WOMAN
GOT AN UNWELCOME SURPRISE WHEN
SHE CAME HOME TO FIND THAT A
622
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:27,905
GOT AN UNWELCOME SURPRISE WHEN
SHE CAME HOME TO FIND THAT A
MASSIVE FLOCK OF CONDORS HAD
623
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:28,539
SHE CAME HOME TO FIND THAT A
MASSIVE FLOCK OF CONDORS HAD
TEAMED UP TO TRASH HER DECK.
624
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:31,175
MASSIVE FLOCK OF CONDORS HAD
TEAMED UP TO TRASH HER DECK.
I'M GOING TO SAY THAT "TEAMED
625
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:31,909
TEAMED UP TO TRASH HER DECK.
I'M GOING TO SAY THAT "TEAMED
UP" IS A STRONG WORD.
626
00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:34,078
I'M GOING TO SAY THAT "TEAMED
UP" IS A STRONG WORD.
THEY'RE CONDORS, IT'S NOT
627
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:34,512
UP" IS A STRONG WORD.
THEY'RE CONDORS, IT'S NOT
"OCEAN'S 11."
628
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:36,914
THEY'RE CONDORS, IT'S NOT
"OCEAN'S 11."
WE LEARNED ABOUT THE TRASHING
629
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,216
"OCEAN'S 11."
WE LEARNED ABOUT THE TRASHING
WHEN THE WOMAN'S DAUGHTER
630
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,450
WE LEARNED ABOUT THE TRASHING
WHEN THE WOMAN'S DAUGHTER
TWEETED THIS PICTURE WITH THE
631
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,017
WHEN THE WOMAN'S DAUGHTER
TWEETED THIS PICTURE WITH THE
CAPTION, "OVER THE WEEKEND,
632
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:43,221
TWEETED THIS PICTURE WITH THE
CAPTION, "OVER THE WEEKEND,
ABOUT 15 CALIFORNIA CONDORS
633
00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:43,888
CAPTION, "OVER THE WEEKEND,
ABOUT 15 CALIFORNIA CONDORS
DESCENDED ON MY MOM'S HOUSE."
634
00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:45,423
ABOUT 15 CALIFORNIA CONDORS
DESCENDED ON MY MOM'S HOUSE."
ARE WE SURE THAT DAMAGE WAS DONE
635
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:46,524
DESCENDED ON MY MOM'S HOUSE."
ARE WE SURE THAT DAMAGE WAS DONE
BY THE BIRDS?
636
00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:47,892
ARE WE SURE THAT DAMAGE WAS DONE
BY THE BIRDS?
"MOM, IT WAS SO CRAZY!
637
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:49,794
BY THE BIRDS?
"MOM, IT WAS SO CRAZY!
ON SATURDAY, ALL THESE CONDORS
638
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,062
"MOM, IT WAS SO CRAZY!
ON SATURDAY, ALL THESE CONDORS
CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND TOTALLY
639
00:18:51,064 --> 00:18:51,863
ON SATURDAY, ALL THESE CONDORS
CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND TOTALLY
TRASHED THE PLACE!
640
00:18:51,865 --> 00:18:53,798
CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND TOTALLY
TRASHED THE PLACE!
ALSO, THE CONDORS DRANK ALL YOUR
641
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,233
TRASHED THE PLACE!
ALSO, THE CONDORS DRANK ALL YOUR
LIQUOR, AND ONE OF THE CONDORS
642
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:55,900
ALSO, THE CONDORS DRANK ALL YOUR
LIQUOR, AND ONE OF THE CONDORS
MADE OUT WITH VINCE PORTACCI AND
643
00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:57,301
LIQUOR, AND ONE OF THE CONDORS
MADE OUT WITH VINCE PORTACCI AND
THEN VOMITED IN YOUR BED.
644
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:58,102
MADE OUT WITH VINCE PORTACCI AND
THEN VOMITED IN YOUR BED.
JUST A HEADS UP: THE CONDORS HAD
645
00:18:58,104 --> 00:18:58,536
THEN VOMITED IN YOUR BED.
JUST A HEADS UP: THE CONDORS HAD
A GREAT TIME.
646
00:18:58,538 --> 00:18:59,904
JUST A HEADS UP: THE CONDORS HAD
A GREAT TIME.
THEY'RE COMING BACK NEXT
647
00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:02,206
A GREAT TIME.
THEY'RE COMING BACK NEXT
SATURDAY."
648
00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:03,474
THEY'RE COMING BACK NEXT
SATURDAY."
( LAUGHTER )
649
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:04,075
SATURDAY."
( LAUGHTER )
NOW WHAT'S REALLY WEIRD IS HOW
650
00:19:04,077 --> 00:19:07,178
( LAUGHTER )
NOW WHAT'S REALLY WEIRD IS HOW
MANY CONDORS SHOWED UP.
651
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:07,912
NOW WHAT'S REALLY WEIRD IS HOW
MANY CONDORS SHOWED UP.
APPARENTLY, "15 TO 20 OF THE
652
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:10,548
MANY CONDORS SHOWED UP.
APPARENTLY, "15 TO 20 OF THE
ENDANGERED GIANT BIRDS WRECKED
653
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:11,883
APPARENTLY, "15 TO 20 OF THE
ENDANGERED GIANT BIRDS WRECKED
THE DECK," BUT CONDORS ONLY
654
00:19:11,885 --> 00:19:14,318
ENDANGERED GIANT BIRDS WRECKED
THE DECK," BUT CONDORS ONLY
"NUMBER ABOUT 160 IN THE STATE."
655
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,887
THE DECK," BUT CONDORS ONLY
"NUMBER ABOUT 160 IN THE STATE."
OKAY, IF YOU'RE UNINTENTIONALLY
656
00:19:15,889 --> 00:19:18,856
"NUMBER ABOUT 160 IN THE STATE."
OKAY, IF YOU'RE UNINTENTIONALLY
ATTRACTING 12% OF AN ENTIRE
657
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:19,857
OKAY, IF YOU'RE UNINTENTIONALLY
ATTRACTING 12% OF AN ENTIRE
ENDANGERED CARRION BIRD SPECIES,
658
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,259
ATTRACTING 12% OF AN ENTIRE
ENDANGERED CARRION BIRD SPECIES,
MAYBE TAKE A LOOK AROUND THE
659
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:22,527
ENDANGERED CARRION BIRD SPECIES,
MAYBE TAKE A LOOK AROUND THE
YARD AND SCALE BACK ON THE
660
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:23,895
MAYBE TAKE A LOOK AROUND THE
YARD AND SCALE BACK ON THE
NUMBER OF DEAD SEA LIONS.
661
00:19:23,897 --> 00:19:26,397
YARD AND SCALE BACK ON THE
NUMBER OF DEAD SEA LIONS.
( LAUGHTER )
662
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,865
NUMBER OF DEAD SEA LIONS.
( LAUGHTER )
NEXT UP: LOBSTERS!
663
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:28,566
( LAUGHTER )
NEXT UP: LOBSTERS!
>> PINCH, PINCH!
664
00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:31,202
NEXT UP: LOBSTERS!
>> PINCH, PINCH!
( LAUGHTER )
665
00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:31,903
>> PINCH, PINCH!
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: IN VIRGINIA, AN
666
00:19:31,905 --> 00:19:34,539
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: IN VIRGINIA, AN
EXTREMELY RARE CALICO LOBSTER
667
00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:35,907
>> Stephen: IN VIRGINIA, AN
EXTREMELY RARE CALICO LOBSTER
WAS RESCUED FROM A RED LOBSTER.
668
00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:37,441
EXTREMELY RARE CALICO LOBSTER
WAS RESCUED FROM A RED LOBSTER.
HERE'S THE LOBSTER, WHO WAS
669
00:19:37,443 --> 00:19:38,843
WAS RESCUED FROM A RED LOBSTER.
HERE'S THE LOBSTER, WHO WAS
NAMED "FRECKLES" BY THE RED
670
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:39,911
HERE'S THE LOBSTER, WHO WAS
NAMED "FRECKLES" BY THE RED
LOBSTER TEAM.
671
00:19:39,913 --> 00:19:40,545
NAMED "FRECKLES" BY THE RED
LOBSTER TEAM.
OKAY, BUT DO THEY NAME ALL THEIR
672
00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:42,813
LOBSTER TEAM.
OKAY, BUT DO THEY NAME ALL THEIR
LOBSTERS?
673
00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:43,881
OKAY, BUT DO THEY NAME ALL THEIR
LOBSTERS?
"THIS IS CHARLIE.
674
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,049
LOBSTERS?
"THIS IS CHARLIE.
HE'LL BE PREPARED FOR THE LADY
675
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:46,083
"THIS IS CHARLIE.
HE'LL BE PREPARED FOR THE LADY
AFTER BEING GIVEN THE LAST
676
00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:46,517
HE'LL BE PREPARED FOR THE LADY
AFTER BEING GIVEN THE LAST
RITES.
677
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:47,852
AFTER BEING GIVEN THE LAST
RITES.
AND FOR THE GENTLEMAN, WE HAVE
678
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:48,886
RITES.
AND FOR THE GENTLEMAN, WE HAVE
ANITA.
679
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:50,188
AND FOR THE GENTLEMAN, WE HAVE
ANITA.
ANITA LOVES LONG WALKS ON THE
680
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,489
ANITA.
ANITA LOVES LONG WALKS ON THE
BEACH, LAUGHING WITH HER
681
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:52,089
ANITA LOVES LONG WALKS ON THE
BEACH, LAUGHING WITH HER
CHILDREN, AND NOT BEING BOILED
682
00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:53,257
BEACH, LAUGHING WITH HER
CHILDREN, AND NOT BEING BOILED
ALIVE.
683
00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:53,858
CHILDREN, AND NOT BEING BOILED
ALIVE.
( CHEF'S KISS )
684
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,493
ALIVE.
( CHEF'S KISS )
BON APPETIT."
685
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:55,860
( CHEF'S KISS )
BON APPETIT."
( LAUGHTER )
686
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:58,529
BON APPETIT."
( LAUGHTER )
THE COMPANY'S SPOKES-LOBSTER
687
00:19:58,531 --> 00:19:59,897
( LAUGHTER )
THE COMPANY'S SPOKES-LOBSTER
EXPLAINED THEIR DECISION NOT TO
688
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,899
THE COMPANY'S SPOKES-LOBSTER
EXPLAINED THEIR DECISION NOT TO
COOK FRECKLES, SAYING, "CALICO-
689
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:02,833
EXPLAINED THEIR DECISION NOT TO
COOK FRECKLES, SAYING, "CALICO-
COLORED LOBSTERS LIKE FRECKLES
690
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:03,901
COOK FRECKLES, SAYING, "CALICO-
COLORED LOBSTERS LIKE FRECKLES
ARE SO RARE BECAUSE THEIR
691
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:04,535
COLORED LOBSTERS LIKE FRECKLES
ARE SO RARE BECAUSE THEIR
COLORING MAKES THEM VERY VISIBLE
692
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,571
ARE SO RARE BECAUSE THEIR
COLORING MAKES THEM VERY VISIBLE
AND THUS VULNERABLE TO
693
00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:07,805
COLORING MAKES THEM VERY VISIBLE
AND THUS VULNERABLE TO
PREDATORS."
694
00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:08,439
AND THUS VULNERABLE TO
PREDATORS."
BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE THING RED
695
00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:10,541
PREDATORS."
BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE THING RED
LOBSTER IS WORRIED ABOUT, IT'S
696
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:11,909
BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE THING RED
LOBSTER IS WORRIED ABOUT, IT'S
THE WELFARE OF LOBSTERS.
697
00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:14,378
LOBSTER IS WORRIED ABOUT, IT'S
THE WELFARE OF LOBSTERS.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH BILLY
698
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:15,880
THE WELFARE OF LOBSTERS.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH BILLY
CRYSTAL AND TIFFANY HADDISH.
699
00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:18,316
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH BILLY
CRYSTAL AND TIFFANY HADDISH.
♪ ♪ ♪
700
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:32,897
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY.
701
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:35,433
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY.
JOINING ME NOW ARE EMMY AWARD-
702
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:36,934
EVERYBODY.
JOINING ME NOW ARE EMMY AWARD-
WINNING COMEDIANS WHO STAR IN
703
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:40,104
JOINING ME NOW ARE EMMY AWARD-
WINNING COMEDIANS WHO STAR IN
THE NEW MOVIE "HERE TODAY."
704
00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:40,838
WINNING COMEDIANS WHO STAR IN
THE NEW MOVIE "HERE TODAY."
>> EXCUSE ME.
705
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:41,439
THE NEW MOVIE "HERE TODAY."
>> EXCUSE ME.
ARE YOU BY ANY CHANCE LOOKING
706
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,507
>> EXCUSE ME.
ARE YOU BY ANY CHANCE LOOKING
FOR ME?
707
00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:43,908
ARE YOU BY ANY CHANCE LOOKING
FOR ME?
I'M CHARLIE BERNS.
708
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:44,909
FOR ME?
I'M CHARLIE BERNS.
>> I'M EMMA PAYGE.
709
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,811
I'M CHARLIE BERNS.
>> I'M EMMA PAYGE.
>> EMMA, PLEASURE, THANK YOU.
710
00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:47,878
>> I'M EMMA PAYGE.
>> EMMA, PLEASURE, THANK YOU.
>> SORRY I'M LATE.
711
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:48,779
>> EMMA, PLEASURE, THANK YOU.
>> SORRY I'M LATE.
>> DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
712
00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:49,113
>> SORRY I'M LATE.
>> DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
NOT A PROBLEM.
713
00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:51,115
>> DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
NOT A PROBLEM.
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
714
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:52,216
NOT A PROBLEM.
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
AND THANK YOU FOR BIDDING ON ME
715
00:20:52,218 --> 00:20:52,917
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
AND THANK YOU FOR BIDDING ON ME
IN THE AUCTION.
716
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,352
AND THANK YOU FOR BIDDING ON ME
IN THE AUCTION.
>> TRUTH?
717
00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:54,685
IN THE AUCTION.
>> TRUTH?
>> SURE.
718
00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:55,586
>> TRUTH?
>> SURE.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHO THE HELL YOU
719
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:56,921
>> SURE.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHO THE HELL YOU
ARE.
720
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:57,989
>> I DON'T KNOW WHO THE HELL YOU
ARE.
MY EX BID ON YOU.
721
00:20:57,991 --> 00:20:59,123
ARE.
MY EX BID ON YOU.
>> HOW DID THIS--
722
00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:00,224
MY EX BID ON YOU.
>> HOW DID THIS--
>> HE WAS DOING A SCENE FROM ONE
723
00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:00,925
>> HOW DID THIS--
>> HE WAS DOING A SCENE FROM ONE
OF YOUR PLAYS IN HIS ACTING
724
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:01,626
>> HE WAS DOING A SCENE FROM ONE
OF YOUR PLAYS IN HIS ACTING
CLASS AND HE REALLY WANTED TO
725
00:21:01,628 --> 00:21:03,394
OF YOUR PLAYS IN HIS ACTING
CLASS AND HE REALLY WANTED TO
MEET YOU, SO HE BID.
726
00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:04,495
CLASS AND HE REALLY WANTED TO
MEET YOU, SO HE BID.
>> HOW MUCH?
727
00:21:04,497 --> 00:21:04,895
MEET YOU, SO HE BID.
>> HOW MUCH?
>> 22.
728
00:21:04,897 --> 00:21:06,664
>> HOW MUCH?
>> 22.
>> $2,200.
729
00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:07,598
>> 22.
>> $2,200.
THAT'S FANTASTIC--
730
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,933
>> $2,200.
THAT'S FANTASTIC--
>> $2,200 MY ASS!
731
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:12,837
THAT'S FANTASTIC--
>> $2,200 MY ASS!
$22.
732
00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:13,404
>> $2,200 MY ASS!
$22.
>> $22 WAS THE WINNING BID?
733
00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:16,040
$22.
>> $22 WAS THE WINNING BID?
>> MM-HMM.
734
00:21:16,042 --> 00:21:16,907
>> $22 WAS THE WINNING BID?
>> MM-HMM.
IT STARTED AT $20 AND THEN IT
735
00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:19,610
>> MM-HMM.
IT STARTED AT $20 AND THEN IT
WENT UP IN 50-CENT INCREMENTS.
736
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:20,911
IT STARTED AT $20 AND THEN IT
WENT UP IN 50-CENT INCREMENTS.
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK
737
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:22,513
WENT UP IN 50-CENT INCREMENTS.
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK
TO "A LATE SHOW," BILLY CRYSTAL
738
00:21:22,515 --> 00:21:23,714
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK
TO "A LATE SHOW," BILLY CRYSTAL
AND TIFFANY HADDISH!
739
00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:24,815
TO "A LATE SHOW," BILLY CRYSTAL
AND TIFFANY HADDISH!
HEY, BILLY.
740
00:21:24,817 --> 00:21:25,149
AND TIFFANY HADDISH!
HEY, BILLY.
HEY, TIFFANY.
741
00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:26,917
HEY, BILLY.
HEY, TIFFANY.
>> HI, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
742
00:21:26,919 --> 00:21:27,718
HEY, TIFFANY.
>> HI, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: NICE TO HAVE YOU
743
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:28,319
>> HI, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: NICE TO HAVE YOU
HERE.
744
00:21:28,321 --> 00:21:28,919
>> Stephen: NICE TO HAVE YOU
HERE.
YOU'RE TWO OF MY FAVORITE
745
00:21:28,921 --> 00:21:30,955
HERE.
YOU'RE TWO OF MY FAVORITE
GUESTS.
746
00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:31,589
YOU'RE TWO OF MY FAVORITE
GUESTS.
THIS IS-- THIS IS LIKE A
747
00:21:31,591 --> 00:21:32,923
GUESTS.
THIS IS-- THIS IS LIKE A
VACATION BECAUSE I KNOW THE TWO
748
00:21:32,925 --> 00:21:36,360
THIS IS-- THIS IS LIKE A
VACATION BECAUSE I KNOW THE TWO
OF YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO TALK.
749
00:21:36,362 --> 00:21:36,994
VACATION BECAUSE I KNOW THE TWO
OF YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO TALK.
I WANT TO-- I WANT TO ASK YOU--
750
00:21:36,996 --> 00:21:37,561
OF YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO TALK.
I WANT TO-- I WANT TO ASK YOU--
BEFORE I ASK YOU ABOUT THE
751
00:21:37,563 --> 00:21:40,097
I WANT TO-- I WANT TO ASK YOU--
BEFORE I ASK YOU ABOUT THE
MOVIE, I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT
752
00:21:40,099 --> 00:21:40,698
BEFORE I ASK YOU ABOUT THE
MOVIE, I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT
THAT SCENE FOR JUST A SECOND.
753
00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:42,566
MOVIE, I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT
THAT SCENE FOR JUST A SECOND.
BILLY, WHEN'S THE LAST TIME
754
00:21:42,568 --> 00:21:43,601
THAT SCENE FOR JUST A SECOND.
BILLY, WHEN'S THE LAST TIME
SOMEBODY DIDN'T KNOW WHO YOU
755
00:21:43,603 --> 00:21:47,972
BILLY, WHEN'S THE LAST TIME
SOMEBODY DIDN'T KNOW WHO YOU
WERE?
756
00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:48,939
SOMEBODY DIDN'T KNOW WHO YOU
WERE?
>> UM, OH, THE OTHER DAY AT THE
757
00:21:48,941 --> 00:21:51,042
WERE?
>> UM, OH, THE OTHER DAY AT THE
PHARMACY.
758
00:21:51,044 --> 00:21:52,910
>> UM, OH, THE OTHER DAY AT THE
PHARMACY.
I WENT TO PICK UP A
759
00:21:52,912 --> 00:21:54,378
PHARMACY.
I WENT TO PICK UP A
PRESCRIPTION, AND SHE LOOKED AT
760
00:21:54,380 --> 00:21:55,479
I WENT TO PICK UP A
PRESCRIPTION, AND SHE LOOKED AT
ME AND SHE SAID, "NAME?"
761
00:21:55,481 --> 00:21:55,846
PRESCRIPTION, AND SHE LOOKED AT
ME AND SHE SAID, "NAME?"
( LAUGHTER )
762
00:21:55,848 --> 00:21:58,783
ME AND SHE SAID, "NAME?"
( LAUGHTER )
AND I WENT...
763
00:21:58,785 --> 00:21:59,950
( LAUGHTER )
AND I WENT...
OH, THAT'S A ROUGH ONE.
764
00:21:59,952 --> 00:22:00,651
AND I WENT...
OH, THAT'S A ROUGH ONE.
YEAH.
765
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:01,285
OH, THAT'S A ROUGH ONE.
YEAH.
"CAN I SEE YOUR LICENSE TO MAKE
766
00:22:01,287 --> 00:22:02,653
YEAH.
"CAN I SEE YOUR LICENSE TO MAKE
SURE IT'S YOU?"
767
00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:04,922
"CAN I SEE YOUR LICENSE TO MAKE
SURE IT'S YOU?"
AND IT WAS FOR, LIKE, MUCINEX.
768
00:22:04,924 --> 00:22:07,625
SURE IT'S YOU?"
AND IT WAS FOR, LIKE, MUCINEX.
I MEAN, IT WAS LIKE, OH...
769
00:22:07,627 --> 00:22:10,661
AND IT WAS FOR, LIKE, MUCINEX.
I MEAN, IT WAS LIKE, OH...
THAT SCENE THAT YOU JUST SAW,
770
00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:11,762
I MEAN, IT WAS LIKE, OH...
THAT SCENE THAT YOU JUST SAW,
YOU KNOW, WAS THE IMPETUS FOR
771
00:22:11,764 --> 00:22:12,930
THAT SCENE THAT YOU JUST SAW,
YOU KNOW, WAS THE IMPETUS FOR
THE MOVIE.
772
00:22:12,932 --> 00:22:13,631
YOU KNOW, WAS THE IMPETUS FOR
THE MOVIE.
AND IT ACTUALLY STARTED ON YOUR
773
00:22:13,633 --> 00:22:15,032
THE MOVIE.
AND IT ACTUALLY STARTED ON YOUR
STAGE.
774
00:22:15,034 --> 00:22:16,901
AND IT ACTUALLY STARTED ON YOUR
STAGE.
>> Stephen: WOW.
775
00:22:16,903 --> 00:22:18,202
STAGE.
>> Stephen: WOW.
>> THAT STORY.
776
00:22:18,204 --> 00:22:19,603
>> Stephen: WOW.
>> THAT STORY.
ALAN ZWEIBEL, WHO YOU KNOW,
777
00:22:19,605 --> 00:22:20,905
>> THAT STORY.
ALAN ZWEIBEL, WHO YOU KNOW,
WHO'S A BRILLIANT WRITER,
778
00:22:20,907 --> 00:22:22,673
ALAN ZWEIBEL, WHO YOU KNOW,
WHO'S A BRILLIANT WRITER,
"S.N.L." WRITER, WAS ON "THE
779
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,008
WHO'S A BRILLIANT WRITER,
"S.N.L." WRITER, WAS ON "THE
LETTERMAN SHOW."
780
00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:24,909
"S.N.L." WRITER, WAS ON "THE
LETTERMAN SHOW."
AND HE WAS TELLING DAVE THIS
781
00:22:24,911 --> 00:22:28,679
LETTERMAN SHOW."
AND HE WAS TELLING DAVE THIS
REALLY FUNNY STORY ABOUT THIS
782
00:22:28,681 --> 00:22:29,313
AND HE WAS TELLING DAVE THIS
REALLY FUNNY STORY ABOUT THIS
CHARITY AUCTION THAT HE WAS BID
783
00:22:29,315 --> 00:22:31,048
REALLY FUNNY STORY ABOUT THIS
CHARITY AUCTION THAT HE WAS BID
ON.
784
00:22:31,050 --> 00:22:31,615
CHARITY AUCTION THAT HE WAS BID
ON.
AND HE GOES TO MEET THE
785
00:22:31,617 --> 00:22:32,917
ON.
AND HE GOES TO MEET THE
STRANGER-- WHICH I'M SURE YOU'VE
786
00:22:32,919 --> 00:22:33,351
AND HE GOES TO MEET THE
STRANGER-- WHICH I'M SURE YOU'VE
DONE THEM.
787
00:22:33,353 --> 00:22:36,921
STRANGER-- WHICH I'M SURE YOU'VE
DONE THEM.
IT'S AWKWARD BUT INTERESTING.
788
00:22:36,923 --> 00:22:37,621
DONE THEM.
IT'S AWKWARD BUT INTERESTING.
AND SHE ONLY BIT $22, AND THEN
789
00:22:37,623 --> 00:22:40,925
IT'S AWKWARD BUT INTERESTING.
AND SHE ONLY BIT $22, AND THEN
SHE HAS A TOXIC REACTION TO THE
790
00:22:40,927 --> 00:22:42,693
AND SHE ONLY BIT $22, AND THEN
SHE HAS A TOXIC REACTION TO THE
SEAFOOD SALAD SHE WAS HAVING.
791
00:22:42,695 --> 00:22:43,627
SHE HAS A TOXIC REACTION TO THE
SEAFOOD SALAD SHE WAS HAVING.
SO SHE SWELLS UP.
792
00:22:43,629 --> 00:22:44,929
SEAFOOD SALAD SHE WAS HAVING.
SO SHE SWELLS UP.
HE HAS TO CALL AN AMBULANCE.
793
00:22:44,931 --> 00:22:46,564
SO SHE SWELLS UP.
HE HAS TO CALL AN AMBULANCE.
AND THEN THEY GO TO HE HOSPITAL.
794
00:22:46,566 --> 00:22:47,431
HE HAS TO CALL AN AMBULANCE.
AND THEN THEY GO TO HE HOSPITAL.
SHE HAS NO INSURANCE.
795
00:22:47,433 --> 00:22:48,466
AND THEN THEY GO TO HE HOSPITAL.
SHE HAS NO INSURANCE.
SO THIS CHARITY LUNCHEON COST
796
00:22:48,468 --> 00:22:48,933
SHE HAS NO INSURANCE.
SO THIS CHARITY LUNCHEON COST
HIM 2,300 BUCKS.
797
00:22:48,935 --> 00:22:50,634
SO THIS CHARITY LUNCHEON COST
HIM 2,300 BUCKS.
( LAUGHTER )
798
00:22:50,636 --> 00:22:52,002
HIM 2,300 BUCKS.
( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S THE STORY HE TELLS DAVE
799
00:22:52,004 --> 00:22:52,903
( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S THE STORY HE TELLS DAVE
AND IT'S VERY FUNNY.
800
00:22:52,905 --> 00:22:54,872
THAT'S THE STORY HE TELLS DAVE
AND IT'S VERY FUNNY.
SO, I'M HOME WATCHING, OF
801
00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:55,573
AND IT'S VERY FUNNY.
SO, I'M HOME WATCHING, OF
COURSE, HE'S MY FRIEND.
802
00:22:55,575 --> 00:22:56,941
SO, I'M HOME WATCHING, OF
COURSE, HE'S MY FRIEND.
AND I EMAILED HIM RIGHT AWAY.
803
00:22:56,943 --> 00:22:58,676
COURSE, HE'S MY FRIEND.
AND I EMAILED HIM RIGHT AWAY.
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS, BUT
804
00:22:58,678 --> 00:23:00,144
AND I EMAILED HIM RIGHT AWAY.
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS, BUT
THIS IS A HILARIOUS WAY FOR TWO
805
00:23:00,146 --> 00:23:00,878
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS, BUT
THIS IS A HILARIOUS WAY FOR TWO
CHARACTERS TO MEET.
806
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:01,612
THIS IS A HILARIOUS WAY FOR TWO
CHARACTERS TO MEET.
WHERE DO THEY GO FROM HERE?
807
00:23:01,614 --> 00:23:03,781
CHARACTERS TO MEET.
WHERE DO THEY GO FROM HERE?
IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.
808
00:23:03,783 --> 00:23:04,882
WHERE DO THEY GO FROM HERE?
IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.
LET'S START TALKING TOMORROW."
809
00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:05,449
IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.
LET'S START TALKING TOMORROW."
AND WE DID, AND THAT WAS THE
810
00:23:05,451 --> 00:23:07,618
LET'S START TALKING TOMORROW."
AND WE DID, AND THAT WAS THE
BEGINNING, THE OPENING OF THE
811
00:23:07,620 --> 00:23:08,919
AND WE DID, AND THAT WAS THE
BEGINNING, THE OPENING OF THE
FILM, AND OUR RELATIONSHIP, AND
812
00:23:08,921 --> 00:23:11,055
BEGINNING, THE OPENING OF THE
FILM, AND OUR RELATIONSHIP, AND
HERE WE ARE NOW.
813
00:23:11,057 --> 00:23:11,689
FILM, AND OUR RELATIONSHIP, AND
HERE WE ARE NOW.
>> Stephen: SO, TIFFANY, HOW DO
814
00:23:11,691 --> 00:23:12,923
HERE WE ARE NOW.
>> Stephen: SO, TIFFANY, HOW DO
YOU GET INVOLVED IN THIS?
815
00:23:12,925 --> 00:23:16,227
>> Stephen: SO, TIFFANY, HOW DO
YOU GET INVOLVED IN THIS?
WHEN BILLY CRYSTAL PITCHES YOU A
816
00:23:16,229 --> 00:23:16,927
YOU GET INVOLVED IN THIS?
WHEN BILLY CRYSTAL PITCHES YOU A
MOVIE IDEA, LIKE, DO YOU LISTEN
817
00:23:16,929 --> 00:23:19,630
WHEN BILLY CRYSTAL PITCHES YOU A
MOVIE IDEA, LIKE, DO YOU LISTEN
TO THE WHOLE THING OR JUST GO,
818
00:23:19,632 --> 00:23:20,931
MOVIE IDEA, LIKE, DO YOU LISTEN
TO THE WHOLE THING OR JUST GO,
"BILLY, YES, OF COURSE?"
819
00:23:20,933 --> 00:23:23,134
TO THE WHOLE THING OR JUST GO,
"BILLY, YES, OF COURSE?"
>> WELL, WHAT HAPPENED WAS HIS
820
00:23:23,136 --> 00:23:24,769
"BILLY, YES, OF COURSE?"
>> WELL, WHAT HAPPENED WAS HIS
PEOPLE CONTACTED MY PEOPLE AND
821
00:23:24,771 --> 00:23:25,403
>> WELL, WHAT HAPPENED WAS HIS
PEOPLE CONTACTED MY PEOPLE AND
THEY GAVE ME A SCRIPT AND I READ
822
00:23:25,405 --> 00:23:26,971
PEOPLE CONTACTED MY PEOPLE AND
THEY GAVE ME A SCRIPT AND I READ
THE SCRIPT.
823
00:23:26,973 --> 00:23:28,706
THEY GAVE ME A SCRIPT AND I READ
THE SCRIPT.
AND I WAS LIKE, "BILLY CRYSTAL?
824
00:23:28,708 --> 00:23:29,006
THE SCRIPT.
AND I WAS LIKE, "BILLY CRYSTAL?
OKAY, YES."
825
00:23:29,008 --> 00:23:30,141
AND I WAS LIKE, "BILLY CRYSTAL?
OKAY, YES."
AND THEY WERE LIKE, "HE WANTS TO
826
00:23:30,143 --> 00:23:31,475
OKAY, YES."
AND THEY WERE LIKE, "HE WANTS TO
MEET WITH YOU."
827
00:23:31,477 --> 00:23:31,976
AND THEY WERE LIKE, "HE WANTS TO
MEET WITH YOU."
I WAS LIKE, "SET IT UP."
828
00:23:31,978 --> 00:23:33,077
MEET WITH YOU."
I WAS LIKE, "SET IT UP."
I FLEW IN FROM AFRICA, AND I HAD
829
00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:34,578
I WAS LIKE, "SET IT UP."
I FLEW IN FROM AFRICA, AND I HAD
TOOK MY BRAIDS OUT, AND THEY
830
00:23:34,580 --> 00:23:35,613
I FLEW IN FROM AFRICA, AND I HAD
TOOK MY BRAIDS OUT, AND THEY
SAID, "HE WANTS TO MEET YOU
831
00:23:35,615 --> 00:23:36,647
TOOK MY BRAIDS OUT, AND THEY
SAID, "HE WANTS TO MEET YOU
TOMORROW."
832
00:23:36,649 --> 00:23:37,248
SAID, "HE WANTS TO MEET YOU
TOMORROW."
AND I SAID "OH, MY, MY HAIR!"
833
00:23:37,250 --> 00:23:37,615
TOMORROW."
AND I SAID "OH, MY, MY HAIR!"
( LAUGHTER )
834
00:23:37,617 --> 00:23:39,450
AND I SAID "OH, MY, MY HAIR!"
( LAUGHTER )
( INAUDIBLE )
835
00:23:39,452 --> 00:23:40,484
( LAUGHTER )
( INAUDIBLE )
SHOULD I PUT IT IN A WIG?
836
00:23:40,486 --> 00:23:40,918
( INAUDIBLE )
SHOULD I PUT IT IN A WIG?
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
837
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,286
SHOULD I PUT IT IN A WIG?
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
AND I DECIDED I'LL JUST WEAR IT
838
00:23:42,288 --> 00:23:43,454
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
AND I DECIDED I'LL JUST WEAR IT
NATURAL, I WON'T WEAR ANY
839
00:23:43,456 --> 00:23:44,088
AND I DECIDED I'LL JUST WEAR IT
NATURAL, I WON'T WEAR ANY
MAKEUP, AND LET HIM SEE THE REAL
840
00:23:44,090 --> 00:23:46,590
NATURAL, I WON'T WEAR ANY
MAKEUP, AND LET HIM SEE THE REAL
TIFFANY HADDISH.
841
00:23:46,592 --> 00:23:48,259
MAKEUP, AND LET HIM SEE THE REAL
TIFFANY HADDISH.
SEE HOW HE FEELS ABOUT THAT.
842
00:23:48,261 --> 00:23:48,926
TIFFANY HADDISH.
SEE HOW HE FEELS ABOUT THAT.
AND IF HE LIKES ME, GREAT.
843
00:23:48,928 --> 00:23:50,561
SEE HOW HE FEELS ABOUT THAT.
AND IF HE LIKES ME, GREAT.
IF HE DOESN'T, OH, WELL, I GOT
844
00:23:50,563 --> 00:23:52,029
AND IF HE LIKES ME, GREAT.
IF HE DOESN'T, OH, WELL, I GOT
TO MEET BILLY CRYSTAL!
845
00:23:52,031 --> 00:23:52,930
IF HE DOESN'T, OH, WELL, I GOT
TO MEET BILLY CRYSTAL!
( LAUGHTER )
846
00:23:52,932 --> 00:23:54,665
TO MEET BILLY CRYSTAL!
( LAUGHTER )
AND I GET TO THE OFFICE, I'M
847
00:23:54,667 --> 00:23:55,599
( LAUGHTER )
AND I GET TO THE OFFICE, I'M
SITTING DOWN, I'M TALKING WITH
848
00:23:55,601 --> 00:23:56,600
AND I GET TO THE OFFICE, I'M
SITTING DOWN, I'M TALKING WITH
HIM, AND HE'S TELLING ME ABOUT
849
00:23:56,602 --> 00:23:56,934
SITTING DOWN, I'M TALKING WITH
HIM, AND HE'S TELLING ME ABOUT
IT.
850
00:23:56,936 --> 00:23:58,602
HIM, AND HE'S TELLING ME ABOUT
IT.
AND I'M LIKE, "HEY, HEY, YOU HAD
851
00:23:58,604 --> 00:23:59,804
IT.
AND I'M LIKE, "HEY, HEY, YOU HAD
ME AT 'HELLO' BILLY.
852
00:23:59,806 --> 00:24:00,871
AND I'M LIKE, "HEY, HEY, YOU HAD
ME AT 'HELLO' BILLY.
DON'T WASTE THE ENERGY.
853
00:24:00,873 --> 00:24:01,605
ME AT 'HELLO' BILLY.
DON'T WASTE THE ENERGY.
LET'S GET THE-- WHEN ARE WE
854
00:24:01,607 --> 00:24:02,306
DON'T WASTE THE ENERGY.
LET'S GET THE-- WHEN ARE WE
GOING TO START THIS MOVIE?
855
00:24:02,308 --> 00:24:03,441
LET'S GET THE-- WHEN ARE WE
GOING TO START THIS MOVIE?
WHAT'S THE START DATE?
856
00:24:03,443 --> 00:24:04,809
GOING TO START THIS MOVIE?
WHAT'S THE START DATE?
LET'S GO."
857
00:24:04,811 --> 00:24:05,376
WHAT'S THE START DATE?
LET'S GO."
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU
858
00:24:05,378 --> 00:24:07,611
LET'S GO."
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU
HAVE LONG WANTED TO DO A MOVIE
859
00:24:07,613 --> 00:24:09,914
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU
HAVE LONG WANTED TO DO A MOVIE
WITH BILLY AND WHOOPEE.
860
00:24:09,916 --> 00:24:11,515
HAVE LONG WANTED TO DO A MOVIE
WITH BILLY AND WHOOPEE.
WHAT IS THAT MOVIE YOU WANT TO
861
00:24:11,517 --> 00:24:12,883
WITH BILLY AND WHOOPEE.
WHAT IS THAT MOVIE YOU WANT TO
DO WITH THEM?
862
00:24:12,885 --> 00:24:13,617
WHAT IS THAT MOVIE YOU WANT TO
DO WITH THEM?
>> WELL, I'VE DECIDED THAT--
863
00:24:13,619 --> 00:24:14,885
DO WITH THEM?
>> WELL, I'VE DECIDED THAT--
BECAUSE WHOOPI LOVES SHOES,
864
00:24:14,887 --> 00:24:16,220
>> WELL, I'VE DECIDED THAT--
BECAUSE WHOOPI LOVES SHOES,
RIGHT?
865
00:24:16,222 --> 00:24:16,887
BECAUSE WHOOPI LOVES SHOES,
RIGHT?
I LOVE SHOES.
866
00:24:16,889 --> 00:24:19,423
RIGHT?
I LOVE SHOES.
AND SO IN THIS MOVIE, BILLY IS A
867
00:24:19,425 --> 00:24:19,757
I LOVE SHOES.
AND SO IN THIS MOVIE, BILLY IS A
SHOE COBBLER.
868
00:24:19,759 --> 00:24:20,925
AND SO IN THIS MOVIE, BILLY IS A
SHOE COBBLER.
HE WORKS WITH THIS BIG
869
00:24:20,927 --> 00:24:23,727
SHOE COBBLER.
HE WORKS WITH THIS BIG
CORPORATION, AND MAKES SHOES.
870
00:24:23,729 --> 00:24:24,728
HE WORKS WITH THIS BIG
CORPORATION, AND MAKES SHOES.
AND I'M HIS INTERN.
871
00:24:24,730 --> 00:24:25,129
CORPORATION, AND MAKES SHOES.
AND I'M HIS INTERN.
I STEAL THE SHOES.
872
00:24:25,131 --> 00:24:26,330
AND I'M HIS INTERN.
I STEAL THE SHOES.
WHOOPI IS MY MOM.
873
00:24:26,332 --> 00:24:27,631
I STEAL THE SHOES.
WHOOPI IS MY MOM.
SHE TELLS ME HOW TO STEAL THE
874
00:24:27,633 --> 00:24:28,933
WHOOPI IS MY MOM.
SHE TELLS ME HOW TO STEAL THE
SHOES.
875
00:24:28,935 --> 00:24:30,668
SHE TELLS ME HOW TO STEAL THE
SHOES.
THEY'RE MAGICAL SHOES.
876
00:24:30,670 --> 00:24:31,569
SHOES.
THEY'RE MAGICAL SHOES.
AND I WAS THINKING MAYBE YOU
877
00:24:31,571 --> 00:24:32,536
THEY'RE MAGICAL SHOES.
AND I WAS THINKING MAYBE YOU
COULD BE IN THE MOVIE--
878
00:24:32,538 --> 00:24:33,003
AND I WAS THINKING MAYBE YOU
COULD BE IN THE MOVIE--
>> Stephen: OH, YEAH.
879
00:24:33,005 --> 00:24:34,405
COULD BE IN THE MOVIE--
>> Stephen: OH, YEAH.
>> YOU COULD BE THE OWNER OF THE
880
00:24:34,407 --> 00:24:35,806
>> Stephen: OH, YEAH.
>> YOU COULD BE THE OWNER OF THE
COMPANY LOOKING FOR THE MAGICAL
881
00:24:35,808 --> 00:24:36,841
>> YOU COULD BE THE OWNER OF THE
COMPANY LOOKING FOR THE MAGICAL
SHOES.
882
00:24:36,843 --> 00:24:37,608
COMPANY LOOKING FOR THE MAGICAL
SHOES.
AND YOU GET ON BILLY'S BACK, AND
883
00:24:37,610 --> 00:24:40,811
SHOES.
AND YOU GET ON BILLY'S BACK, AND
BILLY TELLS YOU TO KISS HIS ASS.
884
00:24:40,813 --> 00:24:41,412
AND YOU GET ON BILLY'S BACK, AND
BILLY TELLS YOU TO KISS HIS ASS.
AND I FEEL BAD ABOUT IT AND I
885
00:24:41,414 --> 00:24:43,547
BILLY TELLS YOU TO KISS HIS ASS.
AND I FEEL BAD ABOUT IT AND I
TRY TO BRING THE SHOES BACK, BUT
886
00:24:43,549 --> 00:24:44,148
AND I FEEL BAD ABOUT IT AND I
TRY TO BRING THE SHOES BACK, BUT
MY MOM WON'T LET ME BRING THE
887
00:24:44,150 --> 00:24:46,083
TRY TO BRING THE SHOES BACK, BUT
MY MOM WON'T LET ME BRING THE
SHOES BACK, AND BILLY COMES AND
888
00:24:46,085 --> 00:24:47,751
MY MOM WON'T LET ME BRING THE
SHOES BACK, AND BILLY COMES AND
HE MARRIES MY MOM, AND HE
889
00:24:47,753 --> 00:24:48,352
SHOES BACK, AND BILLY COMES AND
HE MARRIES MY MOM, AND HE
BECOMES MY DAD.
890
00:24:48,354 --> 00:24:48,919
HE MARRIES MY MOM, AND HE
BECOMES MY DAD.
>> YOU KNOW, THIS IS WRITING
891
00:24:48,921 --> 00:24:51,555
BECOMES MY DAD.
>> YOU KNOW, THIS IS WRITING
ITSELF.
892
00:24:51,557 --> 00:24:52,256
>> YOU KNOW, THIS IS WRITING
ITSELF.
IT IS JUST WRITING ITSELF.
893
00:24:52,258 --> 00:24:52,923
ITSELF.
IT IS JUST WRITING ITSELF.
>> IT'S CALLED THE "REAL
894
00:24:52,925 --> 00:24:55,459
IT IS JUST WRITING ITSELF.
>> IT'S CALLED THE "REAL
FOOTLOOSE."
895
00:24:55,461 --> 00:24:56,060
>> IT'S CALLED THE "REAL
FOOTLOOSE."
>> I HOPE THOSE OF YOU AT HOME
896
00:24:56,062 --> 00:24:58,929
FOOTLOOSE."
>> I HOPE THOSE OF YOU AT HOME
GET IT DOWN, AND LET US KNOW--
897
00:24:58,931 --> 00:25:00,631
>> I HOPE THOSE OF YOU AT HOME
GET IT DOWN, AND LET US KNOW--
IT COULD ALSO BE "CITY
898
00:25:00,633 --> 00:25:00,931
GET IT DOWN, AND LET US KNOW--
IT COULD ALSO BE "CITY
SLICKERS 3."
899
00:25:00,933 --> 00:25:02,566
IT COULD ALSO BE "CITY
SLICKERS 3."
>> Stephen: SURE, IT'S A VERY
900
00:25:02,568 --> 00:25:04,134
SLICKERS 3."
>> Stephen: SURE, IT'S A VERY
FINE LINE.
901
00:25:04,136 --> 00:25:04,935
>> Stephen: SURE, IT'S A VERY
FINE LINE.
ALL I KNOW IS TIFFANY JUST CAST
902
00:25:04,937 --> 00:25:07,037
FINE LINE.
ALL I KNOW IS TIFFANY JUST CAST
ME AS THE ( BLEEP ).
903
00:25:07,039 --> 00:25:07,605
ALL I KNOW IS TIFFANY JUST CAST
ME AS THE ( BLEEP ).
( LAUGHTER )
904
00:25:07,607 --> 00:25:11,008
ME AS THE ( BLEEP ).
( LAUGHTER )
OKAY, I'M HONORED.
905
00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:12,510
( LAUGHTER )
OKAY, I'M HONORED.
BILLY, APART FROM THE OBVIOUS,
906
00:25:12,512 --> 00:25:13,143
OKAY, I'M HONORED.
BILLY, APART FROM THE OBVIOUS,
THE TALENT AND THE CHARM AND THE
907
00:25:13,145 --> 00:25:15,412
BILLY, APART FROM THE OBVIOUS,
THE TALENT AND THE CHARM AND THE
BEAUTY OF TIFFANY HADDISH,
908
00:25:15,414 --> 00:25:16,914
THE TALENT AND THE CHARM AND THE
BEAUTY OF TIFFANY HADDISH,
WHAT-- WHAT-- WHY DID YOU THINK
909
00:25:16,916 --> 00:25:18,482
BEAUTY OF TIFFANY HADDISH,
WHAT-- WHAT-- WHY DID YOU THINK
OF HER FOR THE PART?
910
00:25:18,484 --> 00:25:19,583
WHAT-- WHAT-- WHY DID YOU THINK
OF HER FOR THE PART?
>> BECAUSE ALAN AND I WROTE THIS
911
00:25:19,585 --> 00:25:20,918
OF HER FOR THE PART?
>> BECAUSE ALAN AND I WROTE THIS
SPECIFIC CHARACTER, AND I DIDN'T
912
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:23,087
>> BECAUSE ALAN AND I WROTE THIS
SPECIFIC CHARACTER, AND I DIDN'T
KNOW TIFFANY.
913
00:25:23,089 --> 00:25:24,922
SPECIFIC CHARACTER, AND I DIDN'T
KNOW TIFFANY.
I HAD NOT SEEN "GIRLS TRIP."
914
00:25:24,924 --> 00:25:25,623
KNOW TIFFANY.
I HAD NOT SEEN "GIRLS TRIP."
SO WHEN I SAW HER HOST "S.N.L."
915
00:25:25,625 --> 00:25:27,958
I HAD NOT SEEN "GIRLS TRIP."
SO WHEN I SAW HER HOST "S.N.L."
I WENT, "OH, MY GOD.
916
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:28,392
SO WHEN I SAW HER HOST "S.N.L."
I WENT, "OH, MY GOD.
WHO IS THIS PERSON?
917
00:25:28,394 --> 00:25:28,926
I WENT, "OH, MY GOD.
WHO IS THIS PERSON?
SHE'S FUNNY.
918
00:25:28,928 --> 00:25:29,827
WHO IS THIS PERSON?
SHE'S FUNNY.
SHE'S CHARMING.
919
00:25:29,829 --> 00:25:32,930
SHE'S FUNNY.
SHE'S CHARMING.
SHE'S ADORABLE.
920
00:25:32,932 --> 00:25:34,431
SHE'S CHARMING.
SHE'S ADORABLE.
SHE HAS THIS GREAT SMILE AND
921
00:25:34,433 --> 00:25:35,633
SHE'S ADORABLE.
SHE HAS THIS GREAT SMILE AND
PEOPLE WANT TO BE ENTERTAINED BY
922
00:25:35,635 --> 00:25:36,667
SHE HAS THIS GREAT SMILE AND
PEOPLE WANT TO BE ENTERTAINED BY
HER."
923
00:25:36,669 --> 00:25:37,301
PEOPLE WANT TO BE ENTERTAINED BY
HER."
YOU KNOW, THEY GRAVITATE TOWARDS
924
00:25:37,303 --> 00:25:39,837
HER."
YOU KNOW, THEY GRAVITATE TOWARDS
HER.
925
00:25:39,839 --> 00:25:40,905
YOU KNOW, THEY GRAVITATE TOWARDS
HER.
SO, WHEN I MET HER, THAT WAS
926
00:25:40,907 --> 00:25:42,439
HER.
SO, WHEN I MET HER, THAT WAS
EVEN MORE IMPORTANT BECAUSE I
927
00:25:42,441 --> 00:25:43,574
SO, WHEN I MET HER, THAT WAS
EVEN MORE IMPORTANT BECAUSE I
ALREADY KNEW THAT SHE WAS
928
00:25:43,576 --> 00:25:44,608
EVEN MORE IMPORTANT BECAUSE I
ALREADY KNEW THAT SHE WAS
TALENTED.
929
00:25:44,610 --> 00:25:45,209
ALREADY KNEW THAT SHE WAS
TALENTED.
BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF
930
00:25:45,211 --> 00:25:47,745
TALENTED.
BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF
PERSON SHE WAS.
931
00:25:47,747 --> 00:25:48,913
BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF
PERSON SHE WAS.
AND IN TALKING TO HER ABOUT
932
00:25:48,915 --> 00:25:51,849
PERSON SHE WAS.
AND IN TALKING TO HER ABOUT
HERSELF AND HER LIFE, THAT'S
933
00:25:51,851 --> 00:25:52,917
AND IN TALKING TO HER ABOUT
HERSELF AND HER LIFE, THAT'S
WHAT REALLY CONVINCED ME THAT
934
00:25:52,919 --> 00:25:53,984
HERSELF AND HER LIFE, THAT'S
WHAT REALLY CONVINCED ME THAT
THIS COULD REALLY BE SPECIAL
935
00:25:53,986 --> 00:25:55,419
WHAT REALLY CONVINCED ME THAT
THIS COULD REALLY BE SPECIAL
BETWEEN THE TWO OF US.
936
00:25:55,421 --> 00:25:56,053
THIS COULD REALLY BE SPECIAL
BETWEEN THE TWO OF US.
BECAUSE IT WAS REALLY, YOU KNOW,
937
00:25:56,055 --> 00:25:56,921
BETWEEN THE TWO OF US.
BECAUSE IT WAS REALLY, YOU KNOW,
WHAT WAS IN HER SOUL AND WHAT
938
00:25:56,923 --> 00:25:59,557
BECAUSE IT WAS REALLY, YOU KNOW,
WHAT WAS IN HER SOUL AND WHAT
WAS IN HER LIFE THAT SHE TALKED
939
00:25:59,559 --> 00:26:00,925
WHAT WAS IN HER SOUL AND WHAT
WAS IN HER LIFE THAT SHE TALKED
ABOUT THAT I REALLY-- I REALLY
940
00:26:00,927 --> 00:26:03,460
WAS IN HER LIFE THAT SHE TALKED
ABOUT THAT I REALLY-- I REALLY
LOVED FOR THIS PART.
941
00:26:03,462 --> 00:26:04,929
ABOUT THAT I REALLY-- I REALLY
LOVED FOR THIS PART.
>> Stephen: WELL, A GENERATION
942
00:26:04,931 --> 00:26:06,196
LOVED FOR THIS PART.
>> Stephen: WELL, A GENERATION
OF COMEDIANS, YOU KNOW, HAVE
943
00:26:06,198 --> 00:26:07,565
>> Stephen: WELL, A GENERATION
OF COMEDIANS, YOU KNOW, HAVE
LOOKED TO BILLY AND LEARNED BY
944
00:26:07,567 --> 00:26:08,899
OF COMEDIANS, YOU KNOW, HAVE
LOOKED TO BILLY AND LEARNED BY
WATCHING WHAT HE DOES.
945
00:26:08,901 --> 00:26:10,935
LOOKED TO BILLY AND LEARNED BY
WATCHING WHAT HE DOES.
FOR THOSE OF US WHO HAVEN'T
946
00:26:10,937 --> 00:26:12,903
WATCHING WHAT HE DOES.
FOR THOSE OF US WHO HAVEN'T
WORKED WITH BILLY, TIFFANY, WHAT
947
00:26:12,905 --> 00:26:16,140
FOR THOSE OF US WHO HAVEN'T
WORKED WITH BILLY, TIFFANY, WHAT
DO YOU LEARN BY WORKING WITH
948
00:26:16,142 --> 00:26:16,907
WORKED WITH BILLY, TIFFANY, WHAT
DO YOU LEARN BY WORKING WITH
BILLY CRYSTAL, NOT ONLY AS A
949
00:26:16,909 --> 00:26:19,577
DO YOU LEARN BY WORKING WITH
BILLY CRYSTAL, NOT ONLY AS A
SCENE PARTNER, WRITER, CO-WRITER
950
00:26:19,579 --> 00:26:20,911
BILLY CRYSTAL, NOT ONLY AS A
SCENE PARTNER, WRITER, CO-WRITER
OF THE FILM, BUT THE DIRECTOR?
951
00:26:20,913 --> 00:26:24,915
SCENE PARTNER, WRITER, CO-WRITER
OF THE FILM, BUT THE DIRECTOR?
>> WELL, BILLY REALLY HELPED ME
952
00:26:24,917 --> 00:26:25,649
OF THE FILM, BUT THE DIRECTOR?
>> WELL, BILLY REALLY HELPED ME
GROW SO MUCH AS A PERFORMER.
953
00:26:25,651 --> 00:26:28,919
>> WELL, BILLY REALLY HELPED ME
GROW SO MUCH AS A PERFORMER.
I MEAN, HE GOT ME TO REALLY BE
954
00:26:28,921 --> 00:26:31,488
GROW SO MUCH AS A PERFORMER.
I MEAN, HE GOT ME TO REALLY BE
IN THE MOMENT, TO REALLY LISTEN.
955
00:26:31,490 --> 00:26:32,890
I MEAN, HE GOT ME TO REALLY BE
IN THE MOMENT, TO REALLY LISTEN.
LIKE, OKAY, YEAH, YOU LISTEN,
956
00:26:32,892 --> 00:26:36,860
IN THE MOMENT, TO REALLY LISTEN.
LIKE, OKAY, YEAH, YOU LISTEN,
AND THEN YOU PLAY, AND RESPOND.
957
00:26:36,862 --> 00:26:37,628
LIKE, OKAY, YEAH, YOU LISTEN,
AND THEN YOU PLAY, AND RESPOND.
BUT WITH BILLY, I MEAN HE GOT ME
958
00:26:37,630 --> 00:26:39,863
AND THEN YOU PLAY, AND RESPOND.
BUT WITH BILLY, I MEAN HE GOT ME
TO TAP INTO A PLACE I'D BEEN
959
00:26:39,865 --> 00:26:40,931
BUT WITH BILLY, I MEAN HE GOT ME
TO TAP INTO A PLACE I'D BEEN
TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM AT THAT
960
00:26:40,933 --> 00:26:43,200
TO TAP INTO A PLACE I'D BEEN
TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM AT THAT
POINT FOR 39 YEARS AND THAT'S
961
00:26:43,202 --> 00:26:43,734
TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM AT THAT
POINT FOR 39 YEARS AND THAT'S
CRYING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.
962
00:26:43,736 --> 00:26:44,935
POINT FOR 39 YEARS AND THAT'S
CRYING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.
I TRY TO SWALLOW THOSE TEARS,
963
00:26:44,937 --> 00:26:47,371
CRYING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.
I TRY TO SWALLOW THOSE TEARS,
HOLD THEM INSIDE.
964
00:26:47,373 --> 00:26:48,005
I TRY TO SWALLOW THOSE TEARS,
HOLD THEM INSIDE.
AND BILLY, HE WAS LIKE, "YOU'RE
965
00:26:48,007 --> 00:26:49,673
HOLD THEM INSIDE.
AND BILLY, HE WAS LIKE, "YOU'RE
GOING TO CRY IN THIS."
966
00:26:49,675 --> 00:26:50,975
AND BILLY, HE WAS LIKE, "YOU'RE
GOING TO CRY IN THIS."
AND I WAS LIKE, "EH, COME ON,
967
00:26:50,977 --> 00:26:52,476
GOING TO CRY IN THIS."
AND I WAS LIKE, "EH, COME ON,
MAN.
968
00:26:52,478 --> 00:26:53,110
AND I WAS LIKE, "EH, COME ON,
MAN.
I CAN MAKE A CRYING FACE, WE CAN
969
00:26:53,112 --> 00:26:55,613
MAN.
I CAN MAKE A CRYING FACE, WE CAN
GIVE THE EMOTION OF CRYING WE
970
00:26:55,615 --> 00:26:56,914
I CAN MAKE A CRYING FACE, WE CAN
GIVE THE EMOTION OF CRYING WE
CAN GIVE THE EMOTION OF CRYING
971
00:26:56,916 --> 00:26:57,715
GIVE THE EMOTION OF CRYING WE
CAN GIVE THE EMOTION OF CRYING
BUT DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE TO CRY."
972
00:26:57,717 --> 00:26:58,616
CAN GIVE THE EMOTION OF CRYING
BUT DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE TO CRY."
AND HE'S LIKE, "NO, I NEED YOU
973
00:26:58,618 --> 00:26:59,450
BUT DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE TO CRY."
AND HE'S LIKE, "NO, I NEED YOU
TO CRY, TIFFANY.
974
00:26:59,452 --> 00:27:00,918
AND HE'S LIKE, "NO, I NEED YOU
TO CRY, TIFFANY.
THAT'S WHAT I WANT."
975
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:04,154
TO CRY, TIFFANY.
THAT'S WHAT I WANT."
BUT I TRUST BILLY.
976
00:27:04,156 --> 00:27:04,922
THAT'S WHAT I WANT."
BUT I TRUST BILLY.
SO, HE WORKED WITH ME, WORKED
977
00:27:04,924 --> 00:27:07,658
BUT I TRUST BILLY.
SO, HE WORKED WITH ME, WORKED
WITH ME, GOT IT OUT OF ME.
978
00:27:07,660 --> 00:27:08,926
SO, HE WORKED WITH ME, WORKED
WITH ME, GOT IT OUT OF ME.
AND IT TOOK ME QUITE SOME TIME
979
00:27:08,928 --> 00:27:11,295
WITH ME, GOT IT OUT OF ME.
AND IT TOOK ME QUITE SOME TIME
TO PULL IT BACK TOGETHER.
980
00:27:11,297 --> 00:27:12,630
AND IT TOOK ME QUITE SOME TIME
TO PULL IT BACK TOGETHER.
AND NOW I CAN CRY ANYWHERE.
981
00:27:12,632 --> 00:27:12,997
TO PULL IT BACK TOGETHER.
AND NOW I CAN CRY ANYWHERE.
( LAUGHTER )
982
00:27:12,999 --> 00:27:15,833
AND NOW I CAN CRY ANYWHERE.
( LAUGHTER )
DROP OF A DIME.
983
00:27:15,835 --> 00:27:16,700
( LAUGHTER )
DROP OF A DIME.
WHAT YOU NEED, A TEAR?
984
00:27:16,702 --> 00:27:17,201
DROP OF A DIME.
WHAT YOU NEED, A TEAR?
YOU NEED THE VIOLA DAVIS
985
00:27:17,203 --> 00:27:18,135
WHAT YOU NEED, A TEAR?
YOU NEED THE VIOLA DAVIS
BUBBLES?
986
00:27:18,137 --> 00:27:19,637
YOU NEED THE VIOLA DAVIS
BUBBLES?
WHAT DO YOU NEED?
987
00:27:19,639 --> 00:27:23,107
BUBBLES?
WHAT DO YOU NEED?
( LAUGHTER )
988
00:27:23,109 --> 00:27:23,807
WHAT DO YOU NEED?
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THOSE ARE-- SHE'S
989
00:27:23,809 --> 00:27:24,942
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THOSE ARE-- SHE'S
GOT A COPYRIGHT ON THE BUBBLES,
990
00:27:24,944 --> 00:27:25,676
>> Stephen: THOSE ARE-- SHE'S
GOT A COPYRIGHT ON THE BUBBLES,
I THINK.
991
00:27:25,678 --> 00:27:28,912
GOT A COPYRIGHT ON THE BUBBLES,
I THINK.
WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK,
992
00:27:28,914 --> 00:27:31,482
I THINK.
WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK,
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK I'LL ASK
993
00:27:31,484 --> 00:27:32,016
WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK,
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK I'LL ASK
BILLY ABOUT TIFFANY'S BAT
994
00:27:32,018 --> 00:27:32,916
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK I'LL ASK
BILLY ABOUT TIFFANY'S BAT
MITZVAH.
995
00:27:32,918 --> 00:27:36,920
BILLY ABOUT TIFFANY'S BAT
MITZVAH.
IT'S TRUE.
996
00:27:36,922 --> 00:27:37,855
MITZVAH.
IT'S TRUE.
♪ ♪ ♪
997
00:27:45,797 --> 00:27:53,137
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE BACK WITH THE STARS OF
998
00:27:53,139 --> 00:27:54,805
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE BACK WITH THE STARS OF
"HERE TODAY," TIFFANY HADDISH
999
00:27:54,807 --> 00:27:55,205
WE'RE BACK WITH THE STARS OF
"HERE TODAY," TIFFANY HADDISH
AND BILLY CRYSTAL.
1000
00:27:55,207 --> 00:27:57,708
"HERE TODAY," TIFFANY HADDISH
AND BILLY CRYSTAL.
TIFFANY, ALSO, YOU WON A GRAMMY
1001
00:27:57,710 --> 00:28:00,544
AND BILLY CRYSTAL.
TIFFANY, ALSO, YOU WON A GRAMMY
IN THE MIDST OF ACTUALLY HOSTING
1002
00:28:00,546 --> 00:28:02,046
TIFFANY, ALSO, YOU WON A GRAMMY
IN THE MIDST OF ACTUALLY HOSTING
A CBS SHOW, "KIDS SAY THE
1003
00:28:02,048 --> 00:28:02,980
IN THE MIDST OF ACTUALLY HOSTING
A CBS SHOW, "KIDS SAY THE
DARNDEST THINGS."
1004
00:28:02,982 --> 00:28:05,349
A CBS SHOW, "KIDS SAY THE
DARNDEST THINGS."
AND YOU GOT TOLD IN YOUR EAR,
1005
00:28:05,351 --> 00:28:06,417
DARNDEST THINGS."
AND YOU GOT TOLD IN YOUR EAR,
BECAUSE YOU'RE WEARING AN
1006
00:28:06,419 --> 00:28:06,984
AND YOU GOT TOLD IN YOUR EAR,
BECAUSE YOU'RE WEARING AN
I.F.B., LIKE I AM RIGHT NOW.
1007
00:28:06,986 --> 00:28:09,720
BECAUSE YOU'RE WEARING AN
I.F.B., LIKE I AM RIGHT NOW.
AND THE PRODUCER TOLD YOU IN THE
1008
00:28:09,722 --> 00:28:10,988
I.F.B., LIKE I AM RIGHT NOW.
AND THE PRODUCER TOLD YOU IN THE
MOMENT WHEN YOU'RE INTERVIEWING
1009
00:28:10,990 --> 00:28:12,489
AND THE PRODUCER TOLD YOU IN THE
MOMENT WHEN YOU'RE INTERVIEWING
THESE KIDS THAT YOU HAD WON A
1010
00:28:12,491 --> 00:28:12,990
MOMENT WHEN YOU'RE INTERVIEWING
THESE KIDS THAT YOU HAD WON A
GRAMMY.
1011
00:28:12,992 --> 00:28:13,624
THESE KIDS THAT YOU HAD WON A
GRAMMY.
AND I'D LIKE TO PLAY THAT CLIP
1012
00:28:13,626 --> 00:28:14,892
GRAMMY.
AND I'D LIKE TO PLAY THAT CLIP
RIGHT NOW.
1013
00:28:14,894 --> 00:28:15,726
AND I'D LIKE TO PLAY THAT CLIP
RIGHT NOW.
JIM.
1014
00:28:15,728 --> 00:28:17,227
RIGHT NOW.
JIM.
>> YOU JUST WON A GRAMMY.
1015
00:28:17,229 --> 00:28:18,896
JIM.
>> YOU JUST WON A GRAMMY.
>> I LOVE BEING NOMINATED--
1016
00:28:18,898 --> 00:28:20,064
>> YOU JUST WON A GRAMMY.
>> I LOVE BEING NOMINATED--
>> I JUST WON A GRAMMY?
1017
00:28:20,066 --> 00:28:21,732
>> I LOVE BEING NOMINATED--
>> I JUST WON A GRAMMY?
>> NO!
1018
00:28:21,734 --> 00:28:22,833
>> I JUST WON A GRAMMY?
>> NO!
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?
1019
00:28:22,835 --> 00:28:23,233
>> NO!
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?
>> I'M NOT LYING.
1020
00:28:23,235 --> 00:28:24,635
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?
>> I'M NOT LYING.
I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH.
1021
00:28:24,637 --> 00:28:25,302
>> I'M NOT LYING.
I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH.
>> CAN I TELL YOU WHY I'M
1022
00:28:25,304 --> 00:28:26,336
I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH.
>> CAN I TELL YOU WHY I'M
CRYING?
1023
00:28:26,338 --> 00:28:27,004
>> CAN I TELL YOU WHY I'M
CRYING?
>> WHY?
1024
00:28:27,006 --> 00:28:29,273
CRYING?
>> WHY?
>> IT'S A LOT OF BUMPY ROADS
1025
00:28:29,275 --> 00:28:30,774
>> WHY?
>> IT'S A LOT OF BUMPY ROADS
THAT YOU CROSS, RIGHT?
1026
00:28:30,776 --> 00:28:31,341
>> IT'S A LOT OF BUMPY ROADS
THAT YOU CROSS, RIGHT?
AND IT'S A LOT OF TIMES YOU
1027
00:28:31,343 --> 00:28:33,343
THAT YOU CROSS, RIGHT?
AND IT'S A LOT OF TIMES YOU
FEEL, "AM I DOING THE RIGHT
1028
00:28:33,345 --> 00:28:33,711
AND IT'S A LOT OF TIMES YOU
FEEL, "AM I DOING THE RIGHT
THING?
1029
00:28:33,713 --> 00:28:36,413
FEEL, "AM I DOING THE RIGHT
THING?
IS THIS-- IS THIS GOOD ENOUGH?
1030
00:28:36,415 --> 00:28:37,448
THING?
IS THIS-- IS THIS GOOD ENOUGH?
AM I GOOD ENOUGH?
1031
00:28:37,450 --> 00:28:38,949
IS THIS-- IS THIS GOOD ENOUGH?
AM I GOOD ENOUGH?
AM I STRONG ENOUGH TO DO THIS
1032
00:28:38,951 --> 00:28:39,717
AM I GOOD ENOUGH?
AM I STRONG ENOUGH TO DO THIS
JOB?"
1033
00:28:39,719 --> 00:28:41,218
AM I STRONG ENOUGH TO DO THIS
JOB?"
AND THEN YOU JUST HAVE TO
1034
00:28:41,220 --> 00:28:42,553
JOB?"
AND THEN YOU JUST HAVE TO
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AS MUCH AS
1035
00:28:42,555 --> 00:28:42,986
AND THEN YOU JUST HAVE TO
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AS MUCH AS
YOU CAN.
1036
00:28:42,988 --> 00:28:45,489
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AS MUCH AS
YOU CAN.
AND AGAINST ALL ODDS YOU SAY,
1037
00:28:45,491 --> 00:28:45,856
YOU CAN.
AND AGAINST ALL ODDS YOU SAY,
YOU KNOW, WHAT?
1038
00:28:45,858 --> 00:28:46,990
AND AGAINST ALL ODDS YOU SAY,
YOU KNOW, WHAT?
I'M JUST GOING TO PUT MY BEST
1039
00:28:46,992 --> 00:28:49,660
YOU KNOW, WHAT?
I'M JUST GOING TO PUT MY BEST
FOOT FORWARD AND I'M GOING TO
1040
00:28:49,662 --> 00:28:50,728
I'M JUST GOING TO PUT MY BEST
FOOT FORWARD AND I'M GOING TO
GIVE THE WORLD THE BEST THAT I
1041
00:28:50,730 --> 00:28:51,028
FOOT FORWARD AND I'M GOING TO
GIVE THE WORLD THE BEST THAT I
GOT, RIGHT?
1042
00:28:51,030 --> 00:28:51,729
GIVE THE WORLD THE BEST THAT I
GOT, RIGHT?
>> UH-HUH.
1043
00:28:51,731 --> 00:28:54,798
GOT, RIGHT?
>> UH-HUH.
>> ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
1044
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:55,165
>> UH-HUH.
>> ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
( APPLAUSE )
1045
00:28:55,167 --> 00:28:57,735
>> ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
( APPLAUSE )
( CRYING )
1046
00:28:57,737 --> 00:29:01,038
( APPLAUSE )
( CRYING )
>> SEE, SEE?
1047
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:01,905
( CRYING )
>> SEE, SEE?
>> Stephen: LOOK WHAT YOU'VE
1048
00:29:01,907 --> 00:29:02,973
>> SEE, SEE?
>> Stephen: LOOK WHAT YOU'VE
DONE, BILLY.
1049
00:29:02,975 --> 00:29:03,707
>> Stephen: LOOK WHAT YOU'VE
DONE, BILLY.
>> THANK ME.
1050
00:29:03,709 --> 00:29:06,043
DONE, BILLY.
>> THANK ME.
>> THANK YOU, BILLY.
1051
00:29:06,045 --> 00:29:06,877
>> THANK ME.
>> THANK YOU, BILLY.
( LAUGHTER )
1052
00:29:06,879 --> 00:29:07,511
>> THANK YOU, BILLY.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL--
1053
00:29:07,513 --> 00:29:08,679
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL--
THAT'S A BETTER ACCEPTANCE
1054
00:29:08,681 --> 00:29:09,480
>> Stephen: THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL--
THAT'S A BETTER ACCEPTANCE
SPEECH THAN YOU COULD HAVE GIVEN
1055
00:29:09,482 --> 00:29:09,980
THAT'S A BETTER ACCEPTANCE
SPEECH THAN YOU COULD HAVE GIVEN
ACTUALLY ON STAGE AT THE
1056
00:29:09,982 --> 00:29:10,981
SPEECH THAN YOU COULD HAVE GIVEN
ACTUALLY ON STAGE AT THE
GRAMMYS.
1057
00:29:10,983 --> 00:29:12,416
ACTUALLY ON STAGE AT THE
GRAMMYS.
>> YEAH.
1058
00:29:12,418 --> 00:29:12,916
GRAMMYS.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: IT'S REALLY
1059
00:29:12,918 --> 00:29:14,985
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: IT'S REALLY
BEAUTIFUL AND TRUE TO HEAR.
1060
00:29:14,987 --> 00:29:15,719
>> Stephen: IT'S REALLY
BEAUTIFUL AND TRUE TO HEAR.
BILLY, AS SOMEBODY-- COMEDIANS
1061
00:29:15,721 --> 00:29:18,989
BEAUTIFUL AND TRUE TO HEAR.
BILLY, AS SOMEBODY-- COMEDIANS
WORK FOR YEARS TO FIND THEIR
1062
00:29:18,991 --> 00:29:21,725
BILLY, AS SOMEBODY-- COMEDIANS
WORK FOR YEARS TO FIND THEIR
VOICE AND TO FIND THE AUDIENCE
1063
00:29:21,727 --> 00:29:22,993
WORK FOR YEARS TO FIND THEIR
VOICE AND TO FIND THE AUDIENCE
THAT RECOGNIZES WHAT THEY'VE GOT
1064
00:29:22,995 --> 00:29:24,261
VOICE AND TO FIND THE AUDIENCE
THAT RECOGNIZES WHAT THEY'VE GOT
TO GIVE.
1065
00:29:24,263 --> 00:29:25,395
THAT RECOGNIZES WHAT THEY'VE GOT
TO GIVE.
WHAT DID YOU THINK WHEN YOU SAW
1066
00:29:25,397 --> 00:29:26,163
TO GIVE.
WHAT DID YOU THINK WHEN YOU SAW
THAT MOMENT, JUST WATCHING IT
1067
00:29:26,165 --> 00:29:26,997
WHAT DID YOU THINK WHEN YOU SAW
THAT MOMENT, JUST WATCHING IT
RIGHT NOW, OR IF YOU SAW IT WHEN
1068
00:29:26,999 --> 00:29:27,698
THAT MOMENT, JUST WATCHING IT
RIGHT NOW, OR IF YOU SAW IT WHEN
IT HAPPENED?
1069
00:29:27,700 --> 00:29:31,001
RIGHT NOW, OR IF YOU SAW IT WHEN
IT HAPPENED?
>> ONE, I WAS THRILLED FOR HER.
1070
00:29:31,003 --> 00:29:34,972
IT HAPPENED?
>> ONE, I WAS THRILLED FOR HER.
TWO, IT WAS SO HONEST AND
1071
00:29:34,974 --> 00:29:38,742
>> ONE, I WAS THRILLED FOR HER.
TWO, IT WAS SO HONEST AND
SINCERE AND CAME FROM THE VERY
1072
00:29:38,744 --> 00:29:39,309
TWO, IT WAS SO HONEST AND
SINCERE AND CAME FROM THE VERY
BEST PLACE IN THIS-- IN THIS
1073
00:29:39,311 --> 00:29:42,980
SINCERE AND CAME FROM THE VERY
BEST PLACE IN THIS-- IN THIS
BEAUTIFUL PERSON THAT I KNOW.
1074
00:29:42,982 --> 00:29:45,682
BEST PLACE IN THIS-- IN THIS
BEAUTIFUL PERSON THAT I KNOW.
AND, YOU KNOW, PRIOR TO THAT,
1075
00:29:45,684 --> 00:29:46,984
BEAUTIFUL PERSON THAT I KNOW.
AND, YOU KNOW, PRIOR TO THAT,
THE ONLY OTHER BLACK WOMAN WHO
1076
00:29:46,986 --> 00:29:49,586
AND, YOU KNOW, PRIOR TO THAT,
THE ONLY OTHER BLACK WOMAN WHO
HAD WON A GRAMMY WAS WHOOPI
1077
00:29:49,588 --> 00:29:50,921
THE ONLY OTHER BLACK WOMAN WHO
HAD WON A GRAMMY WAS WHOOPI
1986, I BELIEVE, RIGHT?
1078
00:29:50,923 --> 00:29:51,722
HAD WON A GRAMMY WAS WHOOPI
1986, I BELIEVE, RIGHT?
>> YES.
1079
00:29:51,724 --> 00:29:53,290
1986, I BELIEVE, RIGHT?
>> YES.
>> SO IN THAT SPIRIT, THAT WAS
1080
00:29:53,292 --> 00:29:57,728
>> YES.
>> SO IN THAT SPIRIT, THAT WAS
EVEN SO POWERFUL, ALSO.
1081
00:29:57,730 --> 00:30:01,965
>> SO IN THAT SPIRIT, THAT WAS
EVEN SO POWERFUL, ALSO.
AND, LISTEN, I JUST-- IT WAS A
1082
00:30:01,967 --> 00:30:02,599
EVEN SO POWERFUL, ALSO.
AND, LISTEN, I JUST-- IT WAS A
GREAT PERFORMANCE, AND I WAS
1083
00:30:02,601 --> 00:30:03,233
AND, LISTEN, I JUST-- IT WAS A
GREAT PERFORMANCE, AND I WAS
THRILLED THAT PEOPLE RECOGNIZED
1084
00:30:03,235 --> 00:30:04,802
GREAT PERFORMANCE, AND I WAS
THRILLED THAT PEOPLE RECOGNIZED
IT.
1085
00:30:04,804 --> 00:30:06,970
THRILLED THAT PEOPLE RECOGNIZED
IT.
BUT IT'S THE HONESTY.
1086
00:30:06,972 --> 00:30:08,972
IT.
BUT IT'S THE HONESTY.
THAT'S WHAT I FOUND IN HER
1087
00:30:08,974 --> 00:30:09,740
BUT IT'S THE HONESTY.
THAT'S WHAT I FOUND IN HER
PLAYING THIS CHARACTER WAS THAT
1088
00:30:09,742 --> 00:30:10,974
THAT'S WHAT I FOUND IN HER
PLAYING THIS CHARACTER WAS THAT
THERE WAS AN HONESTY THAT I
1089
00:30:10,976 --> 00:30:14,044
PLAYING THIS CHARACTER WAS THAT
THERE WAS AN HONESTY THAT I
WAS-- KEPT STRIVING TO GET FROM
1090
00:30:14,046 --> 00:30:14,978
THERE WAS AN HONESTY THAT I
WAS-- KEPT STRIVING TO GET FROM
HER WAS THAT THIS-- YOU KNOW,
1091
00:30:14,980 --> 00:30:15,746
WAS-- KEPT STRIVING TO GET FROM
HER WAS THAT THIS-- YOU KNOW,
THIS IS NOT A TIFFANY MOMENT.
1092
00:30:15,748 --> 00:30:18,448
HER WAS THAT THIS-- YOU KNOW,
THIS IS NOT A TIFFANY MOMENT.
THIS IS AN EMMA MOMENT.
1093
00:30:18,450 --> 00:30:18,949
THIS IS NOT A TIFFANY MOMENT.
THIS IS AN EMMA MOMENT.
THIS IS AN EMMA MOMENT.
1094
00:30:18,951 --> 00:30:21,718
THIS IS AN EMMA MOMENT.
THIS IS AN EMMA MOMENT.
AND THEN THERE WERE TIMES THAT I
1095
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:22,986
THIS IS AN EMMA MOMENT.
AND THEN THERE WERE TIMES THAT I
WANTED HER TO, YOU KNOW,
1096
00:30:22,988 --> 00:30:24,822
AND THEN THERE WERE TIMES THAT I
WANTED HER TO, YOU KNOW,
SPRINKLE A BIT, AND THEN HAVE
1097
00:30:24,824 --> 00:30:25,823
WANTED HER TO, YOU KNOW,
SPRINKLE A BIT, AND THEN HAVE
THAT MAGIC, YOU KNOW, THAT SHE
1098
00:30:25,825 --> 00:30:26,990
SPRINKLE A BIT, AND THEN HAVE
THAT MAGIC, YOU KNOW, THAT SHE
HAS.
1099
00:30:26,992 --> 00:30:30,961
THAT MAGIC, YOU KNOW, THAT SHE
HAS.
AND ONLY IN THE RIGHT PLACES.
1100
00:30:30,963 --> 00:30:31,528
HAS.
AND ONLY IN THE RIGHT PLACES.
SO THIS IS A VERY WONDERFUL,
1101
00:30:31,530 --> 00:30:34,998
AND ONLY IN THE RIGHT PLACES.
SO THIS IS A VERY WONDERFUL,
DIFFERENT EMOTIONAL, HILARIOUS
1102
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:38,869
SO THIS IS A VERY WONDERFUL,
DIFFERENT EMOTIONAL, HILARIOUS
TIFFANY HADDISH IN THIS MOVIE.
1103
00:30:38,871 --> 00:30:39,503
DIFFERENT EMOTIONAL, HILARIOUS
TIFFANY HADDISH IN THIS MOVIE.
>> Stephen: YOU GUYS HAVE SHARED
1104
00:30:39,505 --> 00:30:43,006
TIFFANY HADDISH IN THIS MOVIE.
>> Stephen: YOU GUYS HAVE SHARED
MORE THAN JUST THE SCREEN.
1105
00:30:43,008 --> 00:30:45,075
>> Stephen: YOU GUYS HAVE SHARED
MORE THAN JUST THE SCREEN.
YOU'VE ACTUALLY SHARED...
1106
00:30:45,077 --> 00:30:45,676
MORE THAN JUST THE SCREEN.
YOU'VE ACTUALLY SHARED...
A VERY PARTICULAR AND SACRED
1107
00:30:45,678 --> 00:30:46,944
YOU'VE ACTUALLY SHARED...
A VERY PARTICULAR AND SACRED
STAGE.
1108
00:30:46,946 --> 00:30:49,713
A VERY PARTICULAR AND SACRED
STAGE.
THIS IS A-- THIS IS ONE OF MY
1109
00:30:49,715 --> 00:30:50,647
STAGE.
THIS IS A-- THIS IS ONE OF MY
FAVORITE PHOTOGRAPHS I'VE SEEN
1110
00:30:50,649 --> 00:30:51,014
THIS IS A-- THIS IS ONE OF MY
FAVORITE PHOTOGRAPHS I'VE SEEN
IN A LONG TIME.
1111
00:30:51,016 --> 00:30:54,985
FAVORITE PHOTOGRAPHS I'VE SEEN
IN A LONG TIME.
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL SHOT.
1112
00:30:54,987 --> 00:30:57,120
IN A LONG TIME.
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL SHOT.
THIS IS TIFFANY'S BAT MITZVAH.
1113
00:30:57,122 --> 00:30:57,721
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL SHOT.
THIS IS TIFFANY'S BAT MITZVAH.
>> YEAH.
1114
00:30:57,723 --> 00:30:58,989
THIS IS TIFFANY'S BAT MITZVAH.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: PLEASE EXPLAIN THE
1115
00:30:58,991 --> 00:31:00,891
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: PLEASE EXPLAIN THE
STORY BEHIND THIS.
1116
00:31:00,893 --> 00:31:02,960
>> Stephen: PLEASE EXPLAIN THE
STORY BEHIND THIS.
I'M REALLY CURIOUS HOW THIS CAME
1117
00:31:02,962 --> 00:31:03,694
STORY BEHIND THIS.
I'M REALLY CURIOUS HOW THIS CAME
ABOUT, TIFFANY.
1118
00:31:03,696 --> 00:31:06,964
I'M REALLY CURIOUS HOW THIS CAME
ABOUT, TIFFANY.
>> WLL, I STUDIED REALLY HARD
1119
00:31:06,966 --> 00:31:09,633
ABOUT, TIFFANY.
>> WLL, I STUDIED REALLY HARD
FOR MY BAT MITZVAH, AND I WAS
1120
00:31:09,635 --> 00:31:10,267
>> WLL, I STUDIED REALLY HARD
FOR MY BAT MITZVAH, AND I WAS
STUDYING DURING THE TIME WE WERE
1121
00:31:10,269 --> 00:31:13,370
FOR MY BAT MITZVAH, AND I WAS
STUDYING DURING THE TIME WE WERE
SHOOTING THIS MOVIE.
1122
00:31:13,372 --> 00:31:14,972
STUDYING DURING THE TIME WE WERE
SHOOTING THIS MOVIE.
AND AFTER I GOT TO KNOW BILLY
1123
00:31:14,974 --> 00:31:15,706
SHOOTING THIS MOVIE.
AND AFTER I GOT TO KNOW BILLY
MORE AND MORE, I JUST FELT LIKE
1124
00:31:15,708 --> 00:31:18,976
AND AFTER I GOT TO KNOW BILLY
MORE AND MORE, I JUST FELT LIKE
HE'S FAMILY TO ME, LIKE THE
1125
00:31:18,978 --> 00:31:21,745
MORE AND MORE, I JUST FELT LIKE
HE'S FAMILY TO ME, LIKE THE
UNCLE I ALWAYS WANTED.
1126
00:31:21,747 --> 00:31:22,946
HE'S FAMILY TO ME, LIKE THE
UNCLE I ALWAYS WANTED.
HE GAVE ME THE GUIDANCE AND
1127
00:31:22,948 --> 00:31:26,550
UNCLE I ALWAYS WANTED.
HE GAVE ME THE GUIDANCE AND
SHARED SO MANY WONDERFUL THINGS
1128
00:31:26,552 --> 00:31:27,117
HE GAVE ME THE GUIDANCE AND
SHARED SO MANY WONDERFUL THINGS
WITH ME, KNOWLEDGE WITH ME,
1129
00:31:27,119 --> 00:31:29,186
SHARED SO MANY WONDERFUL THINGS
WITH ME, KNOWLEDGE WITH ME,
HELPED ME GROW.
1130
00:31:29,188 --> 00:31:30,988
WITH ME, KNOWLEDGE WITH ME,
HELPED ME GROW.
AND I ASKED HIM IF HE WOULD BE
1131
00:31:30,990 --> 00:31:33,557
HELPED ME GROW.
AND I ASKED HIM IF HE WOULD BE
WILLING TO DO THE ALIYAH AT MY
1132
00:31:33,559 --> 00:31:34,157
AND I ASKED HIM IF HE WOULD BE
WILLING TO DO THE ALIYAH AT MY
BAT MITZVAH, AND HE SAID YES,
1133
00:31:34,159 --> 00:31:34,791
WILLING TO DO THE ALIYAH AT MY
BAT MITZVAH, AND HE SAID YES,
AND I WAS LIKE, OH, THIS IS
1134
00:31:34,793 --> 00:31:38,929
BAT MITZVAH, AND HE SAID YES,
AND I WAS LIKE, OH, THIS IS
GOING TO BE AMAZING.
1135
00:31:38,931 --> 00:31:39,730
AND I WAS LIKE, OH, THIS IS
GOING TO BE AMAZING.
AND IT FELT SO SURREAL AND
1136
00:31:39,732 --> 00:31:42,966
GOING TO BE AMAZING.
AND IT FELT SO SURREAL AND
WONDERFUL AND AWESOME.
1137
00:31:42,968 --> 00:31:45,769
AND IT FELT SO SURREAL AND
WONDERFUL AND AWESOME.
LIKE, HE WAS USHERING ME INTO MY
1138
00:31:45,771 --> 00:31:46,970
WONDERFUL AND AWESOME.
LIKE, HE WAS USHERING ME INTO MY
WOMANHOOD IN, LIKE, A WAY THAT
1139
00:31:46,972 --> 00:31:48,805
LIKE, HE WAS USHERING ME INTO MY
WOMANHOOD IN, LIKE, A WAY THAT
FAMILY SHOULD, YOU KNOW?
1140
00:31:48,807 --> 00:31:49,339
WOMANHOOD IN, LIKE, A WAY THAT
FAMILY SHOULD, YOU KNOW?
IT WAS WONDERFUL.
1141
00:31:49,341 --> 00:31:50,807
FAMILY SHOULD, YOU KNOW?
IT WAS WONDERFUL.
>> Stephen: BILLY, HOW WAS HER
1142
00:31:50,809 --> 00:31:51,141
IT WAS WONDERFUL.
>> Stephen: BILLY, HOW WAS HER
TORAH PORTION?
1143
00:31:51,143 --> 00:31:54,978
>> Stephen: BILLY, HOW WAS HER
TORAH PORTION?
>> SHE DID GREAT.
1144
00:31:54,980 --> 00:31:57,748
TORAH PORTION?
>> SHE DID GREAT.
AND I WAS VERY IMPRESSED, AND,
1145
00:31:57,750 --> 00:31:58,949
>> SHE DID GREAT.
AND I WAS VERY IMPRESSED, AND,
ALSO, I WAS SO EMOTIONAL ABOUT
1146
00:31:58,951 --> 00:32:02,152
AND I WAS VERY IMPRESSED, AND,
ALSO, I WAS SO EMOTIONAL ABOUT
IT BECAUSE ALIYAH IS A BLESSING
1147
00:32:02,154 --> 00:32:02,986
ALSO, I WAS SO EMOTIONAL ABOUT
IT BECAUSE ALIYAH IS A BLESSING
YOU MAKE BEFORE SHE READS FROM
1148
00:32:02,988 --> 00:32:06,256
IT BECAUSE ALIYAH IS A BLESSING
YOU MAKE BEFORE SHE READS FROM
THE TORAH.
1149
00:32:06,258 --> 00:32:06,823
YOU MAKE BEFORE SHE READS FROM
THE TORAH.
AND THE RABBI, WHO TIFFANY--
1150
00:32:06,825 --> 00:32:09,226
THE TORAH.
AND THE RABBI, WHO TIFFANY--
SUSAN, SARAH SILVERMAN'S SISTER,
1151
00:32:09,228 --> 00:32:09,760
AND THE RABBI, WHO TIFFANY--
SUSAN, SARAH SILVERMAN'S SISTER,
RIGHT?
1152
00:32:09,762 --> 00:32:10,994
SUSAN, SARAH SILVERMAN'S SISTER,
RIGHT?
>> YEAH, YEAH.
1153
00:32:10,996 --> 00:32:13,030
RIGHT?
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> SARAH'S SISTER.
1154
00:32:13,032 --> 00:32:14,398
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> SARAH'S SISTER.
AND THERE'S THE SCROLL, AND
1155
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:14,965
>> SARAH'S SISTER.
AND THERE'S THE SCROLL, AND
THERE SHE'S FOLLOWING IT AND
1156
00:32:14,967 --> 00:32:15,732
AND THERE'S THE SCROLL, AND
THERE SHE'S FOLLOWING IT AND
READING IT.
1157
00:32:15,734 --> 00:32:18,969
THERE SHE'S FOLLOWING IT AND
READING IT.
AND IT'S NOT EASY.
1158
00:32:18,971 --> 00:32:21,705
READING IT.
AND IT'S NOT EASY.
AND I WAS JUST SO MOVED BY IT
1159
00:32:21,707 --> 00:32:22,973
AND IT'S NOT EASY.
AND I WAS JUST SO MOVED BY IT
THAT-- AT THAT POINT I DID FEEL
1160
00:32:22,975 --> 00:32:24,708
AND I WAS JUST SO MOVED BY IT
THAT-- AT THAT POINT I DID FEEL
LIKE AN UNCLE.
1161
00:32:24,710 --> 00:32:25,676
THAT-- AT THAT POINT I DID FEEL
LIKE AN UNCLE.
YOU KNOW, I WAS ACTUALLY
1162
00:32:25,678 --> 00:32:26,276
LIKE AN UNCLE.
YOU KNOW, I WAS ACTUALLY
JIGGLING LOOSE CHANGE IN MY
1163
00:32:26,278 --> 00:32:26,977
YOU KNOW, I WAS ACTUALLY
JIGGLING LOOSE CHANGE IN MY
POCKET--
1164
00:32:26,979 --> 00:32:27,744
JIGGLING LOOSE CHANGE IN MY
POCKET--
( LAUGHTER )
1165
00:32:27,746 --> 00:32:32,649
POCKET--
( LAUGHTER )
AND I WAS REALLY-- REALLY
1166
00:32:32,651 --> 00:32:33,750
( LAUGHTER )
AND I WAS REALLY-- REALLY
THRILLED FOR HER AND PROUD TO BE
1167
00:32:33,752 --> 00:32:34,985
AND I WAS REALLY-- REALLY
THRILLED FOR HER AND PROUD TO BE
PART OF IT.
1168
00:32:34,987 --> 00:32:36,687
THRILLED FOR HER AND PROUD TO BE
PART OF IT.
>> Stephen: AND HOW WAS BILLY AS
1169
00:32:36,689 --> 00:32:37,521
PART OF IT.
>> Stephen: AND HOW WAS BILLY AS
A BAT MITZVAH GUEST?
1170
00:32:37,523 --> 00:32:38,989
>> Stephen: AND HOW WAS BILLY AS
A BAT MITZVAH GUEST?
WAS HE HUGGING THE WALL OR WAS
1171
00:32:38,991 --> 00:32:39,690
A BAT MITZVAH GUEST?
WAS HE HUGGING THE WALL OR WAS
HE ON THE DANCE FLOOR?
1172
00:32:39,692 --> 00:32:41,391
WAS HE HUGGING THE WALL OR WAS
HE ON THE DANCE FLOOR?
>> HE WAS ON THE DANCE FLOOR A
1173
00:32:41,393 --> 00:32:41,692
HE ON THE DANCE FLOOR?
>> HE WAS ON THE DANCE FLOOR A
LITTLE BIT.
1174
00:32:41,694 --> 00:32:44,695
>> HE WAS ON THE DANCE FLOOR A
LITTLE BIT.
BUT HE WAS MOSTLY TRYING TO
1175
00:32:44,697 --> 00:32:45,762
LITTLE BIT.
BUT HE WAS MOSTLY TRYING TO
STEAL THE GY I WAS INTERESTED
1176
00:32:45,764 --> 00:32:46,964
BUT HE WAS MOSTLY TRYING TO
STEAL THE GY I WAS INTERESTED
IN AT TIME.
1177
00:32:46,966 --> 00:32:49,933
STEAL THE GY I WAS INTERESTED
IN AT TIME.
GIANCARLO STANTON, NUMBER 27,
1178
00:32:49,935 --> 00:32:51,001
IN AT TIME.
GIANCARLO STANTON, NUMBER 27,
FROM THE NEW YORK YANKEES.
1179
00:32:51,003 --> 00:32:51,735
GIANCARLO STANTON, NUMBER 27,
FROM THE NEW YORK YANKEES.
HE WAS OVER THERE TALKING TO HIM
1180
00:32:51,737 --> 00:32:53,637
FROM THE NEW YORK YANKEES.
HE WAS OVER THERE TALKING TO HIM
AND I WAS TRYING TO GET SOME
1181
00:32:53,639 --> 00:32:54,571
HE WAS OVER THERE TALKING TO HIM
AND I WAS TRYING TO GET SOME
ACTION, TOO.
1182
00:32:54,573 --> 00:32:55,172
AND I WAS TRYING TO GET SOME
ACTION, TOO.
BUT BILLY, YOU KNOW, KNOWS ALL
1183
00:32:55,174 --> 00:32:57,741
ACTION, TOO.
BUT BILLY, YOU KNOW, KNOWS ALL
THE STATS AND EVERYTHING, SO,
1184
00:32:57,743 --> 00:32:58,976
BUT BILLY, YOU KNOW, KNOWS ALL
THE STATS AND EVERYTHING, SO,
YEAH, YEAH.
1185
00:32:58,978 --> 00:33:02,946
THE STATS AND EVERYTHING, SO,
YEAH, YEAH.
>> YEAH, GIANCARLO WAS THERE AND
1186
00:33:02,948 --> 00:33:05,082
YEAH, YEAH.
>> YEAH, GIANCARLO WAS THERE AND
THAT WAS COOL FOR ME.
1187
00:33:05,084 --> 00:33:06,216
>> YEAH, GIANCARLO WAS THERE AND
THAT WAS COOL FOR ME.
>> Stephen: DO YOU THINK YOU
1188
00:33:06,218 --> 00:33:06,984
THAT WAS COOL FOR ME.
>> Stephen: DO YOU THINK YOU
GUYS-- DO YOU THINK YOU GUYS
1189
00:33:06,986 --> 00:33:09,686
>> Stephen: DO YOU THINK YOU
GUYS-- DO YOU THINK YOU GUYS
WILL BE FRIENDS WHEN THIS
1190
00:33:09,688 --> 00:33:10,988
GUYS-- DO YOU THINK YOU GUYS
WILL BE FRIENDS WHEN THIS
PROJECT IS OVER?
1191
00:33:10,990 --> 00:33:12,489
WILL BE FRIENDS WHEN THIS
PROJECT IS OVER?
>> YEAH, WE'RE FRIENDS.
1192
00:33:12,491 --> 00:33:13,557
PROJECT IS OVER?
>> YEAH, WE'RE FRIENDS.
>> YEAH, THE PROJECT'S BEEN OVER
1193
00:33:13,559 --> 00:33:14,992
>> YEAH, WE'RE FRIENDS.
>> YEAH, THE PROJECT'S BEEN OVER
FOR A WHILE BUT, YOU KNOW, THIS
1194
00:33:14,994 --> 00:33:17,627
>> YEAH, THE PROJECT'S BEEN OVER
FOR A WHILE BUT, YOU KNOW, THIS
IS-- IT'S-- YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW,
1195
00:33:17,629 --> 00:33:18,962
FOR A WHILE BUT, YOU KNOW, THIS
IS-- IT'S-- YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW,
STEPHEN, SOMETIMES YOU WALK AWAY
1196
00:33:18,964 --> 00:33:20,998
IS-- IT'S-- YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW,
STEPHEN, SOMETIMES YOU WALK AWAY
FROM WORKING WITH PEOPLE FOR A
1197
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:21,732
STEPHEN, SOMETIMES YOU WALK AWAY
FROM WORKING WITH PEOPLE FOR A
WHILE, AND SOME STICK AND SOME
1198
00:33:21,734 --> 00:33:22,966
FROM WORKING WITH PEOPLE FOR A
WHILE, AND SOME STICK AND SOME
DON'T.
1199
00:33:22,968 --> 00:33:24,334
WHILE, AND SOME STICK AND SOME
DON'T.
AND YOU SAY, LISTEN, I'LL SEE
1200
00:33:24,336 --> 00:33:25,502
DON'T.
AND YOU SAY, LISTEN, I'LL SEE
YOU SOON," AND YOU DON'T SEE
1201
00:33:25,504 --> 00:33:26,870
AND YOU SAY, LISTEN, I'LL SEE
YOU SOON," AND YOU DON'T SEE
THEM.
1202
00:33:26,872 --> 00:33:27,471
YOU SOON," AND YOU DON'T SEE
THEM.
WE SEE-- WE KEEP IN TOUCH, YOU
1203
00:33:27,473 --> 00:33:30,707
THEM.
WE SEE-- WE KEEP IN TOUCH, YOU
KNOW, AND WE-- I'M SO CURIOUS
1204
00:33:30,709 --> 00:33:31,308
WE SEE-- WE KEEP IN TOUCH, YOU
KNOW, AND WE-- I'M SO CURIOUS
ABOUT WHAT SHE'S DOING AND HOW
1205
00:33:31,310 --> 00:33:33,744
KNOW, AND WE-- I'M SO CURIOUS
ABOUT WHAT SHE'S DOING AND HOW
SHE IS.
1206
00:33:33,746 --> 00:33:34,978
ABOUT WHAT SHE'S DOING AND HOW
SHE IS.
AND SHE'S ALWAYS ASKING ME HOW
1207
00:33:34,980 --> 00:33:37,447
SHE IS.
AND SHE'S ALWAYS ASKING ME HOW
WE ARE.
1208
00:33:37,449 --> 00:33:38,415
AND SHE'S ALWAYS ASKING ME HOW
WE ARE.
AND KEEPING-- KEEPING TABS ON
1209
00:33:38,417 --> 00:33:38,982
WE ARE.
AND KEEPING-- KEEPING TABS ON
EACH OTHER.
1210
00:33:38,984 --> 00:33:40,917
AND KEEPING-- KEEPING TABS ON
EACH OTHER.
IT'S A NICE THING.
1211
00:33:40,919 --> 00:33:42,552
EACH OTHER.
IT'S A NICE THING.
>> YEAH, WE'RE FAMILY, AS FAR AS
1212
00:33:42,554 --> 00:33:42,986
IT'S A NICE THING.
>> YEAH, WE'RE FAMILY, AS FAR AS
I'M CONCERNED.
1213
00:33:42,988 --> 00:33:44,654
>> YEAH, WE'RE FAMILY, AS FAR AS
I'M CONCERNED.
>> Stephen: WELL, THANKS SO MUCH
1214
00:33:44,656 --> 00:33:45,389
I'M CONCERNED.
>> Stephen: WELL, THANKS SO MUCH
FOR BEING HERE.
1215
00:33:45,391 --> 00:33:45,956
>> Stephen: WELL, THANKS SO MUCH
FOR BEING HERE.
>> MY MIDDLE NAME IS CRYSTAL
1216
00:33:45,958 --> 00:33:46,490
FOR BEING HERE.
>> MY MIDDLE NAME IS CRYSTAL
NOW, I'M TIFFANY CRYSTAL
1217
00:33:46,492 --> 00:33:46,990
>> MY MIDDLE NAME IS CRYSTAL
NOW, I'M TIFFANY CRYSTAL
HADDISH.
1218
00:33:46,992 --> 00:33:49,926
NOW, I'M TIFFANY CRYSTAL
HADDISH.
( LAUGHTER )
1219
00:33:49,928 --> 00:33:50,994
HADDISH.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.
1220
00:33:50,996 --> 00:33:51,294
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.
THAT'S NICE.
1221
00:33:51,296 --> 00:33:52,996
>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.
THAT'S NICE.
HAVE THAT PRINTED UP.
1222
00:33:52,998 --> 00:33:54,364
THAT'S NICE.
HAVE THAT PRINTED UP.
WELL, THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING
1223
00:33:54,366 --> 00:33:54,931
HAVE THAT PRINTED UP.
WELL, THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING
HERE.
1224
00:33:54,933 --> 00:33:57,734
WELL, THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING
HERE.
IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU BOTH.
1225
00:33:57,736 --> 00:33:58,969
HERE.
IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU BOTH.
"HERE TODAY" IS IN THEATERS NOW.
1226
00:33:58,971 --> 00:34:01,138
IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU BOTH.
"HERE TODAY" IS IN THEATERS NOW.
BILLY CRYSTAL AND TIFFANY
1227
00:34:01,140 --> 00:34:02,506
"HERE TODAY" IS IN THEATERS NOW.
BILLY CRYSTAL AND TIFFANY
CRYSTAL HADDISH, EVERYBODY.
1228
00:34:02,508 --> 00:34:02,973
BILLY CRYSTAL AND TIFFANY
CRYSTAL HADDISH, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
1229
00:34:02,975 --> 00:34:03,740
CRYSTAL HADDISH, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
( LAUGHTER )
1230
00:34:03,742 --> 00:34:06,676
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
( LAUGHTER )
♪ ♪ ♪
1231
00:34:11,949 --> 00:34:20,157
♪ ♪ ♪
1232
00:34:28,332 --> 00:34:33,070
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.
THEIR ALBUM, "DELTA KREAM," CAME
OUT YESTERDAY.
1233
00:34:33,072 --> 00:34:33,703
THEIR ALBUM, "DELTA KREAM," CAME
OUT YESTERDAY.
PERFORMING "CRAWLING KINGSNAKE,"
1234
00:34:33,705 --> 00:34:37,507
OUT YESTERDAY.
PERFORMING "CRAWLING KINGSNAKE,"
THE BLACK KEYS.
1235
00:34:37,509 --> 00:34:41,511
PERFORMING "CRAWLING KINGSNAKE,"
THE BLACK KEYS.
♪ ♪ ♪
1236
00:34:41,513 --> 00:34:45,482
THE BLACK KEYS.
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1237
00:34:45,484 --> 00:34:49,519
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1238
00:34:49,521 --> 00:34:49,820
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1239
00:34:49,822 --> 00:34:52,255
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
>> ALL RIGHT.
1240
00:34:52,257 --> 00:34:53,523
♪ ♪ ♪
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> READY?
1241
00:34:53,525 --> 00:34:58,261
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> READY?
♪ ♪ ♪
1242
00:34:58,263 --> 00:35:04,267
>> READY?
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1243
00:35:04,269 --> 00:35:09,406
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1244
00:35:09,408 --> 00:35:10,273
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1245
00:35:10,275 --> 00:35:13,477
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1246
00:35:13,479 --> 00:35:17,481
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1247
00:35:17,483 --> 00:35:21,518
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1248
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:23,386
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1249
00:35:23,388 --> 00:35:25,188
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ WELL I'M A CRAWLING
1250
00:35:25,190 --> 00:35:25,555
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ WELL I'M A CRAWLING
KINGSNAKE, BABY
1251
00:35:25,557 --> 00:35:28,225
♪ WELL I'M A CRAWLING
KINGSNAKE, BABY
♪ CRAWL UP ON YOUR DOOR
1252
00:35:28,227 --> 00:35:33,497
KINGSNAKE, BABY
♪ CRAWL UP ON YOUR DOOR
CRAWL UP TO YOUR WINDOW, BABY
1253
00:35:33,499 --> 00:35:34,264
♪ CRAWL UP ON YOUR DOOR
CRAWL UP TO YOUR WINDOW, BABY
♪ CRAWL UP ON YOUR FLOOR
1254
00:35:34,266 --> 00:35:37,534
CRAWL UP TO YOUR WINDOW, BABY
♪ CRAWL UP ON YOUR FLOOR
CATCH ME CRAWLING IN
1255
00:35:37,536 --> 00:35:40,270
♪ CRAWL UP ON YOUR FLOOR
CATCH ME CRAWLING IN
♪ DO YOU WANT SOME MORE?
1256
00:35:40,272 --> 00:35:45,509
CATCH ME CRAWLING IN
♪ DO YOU WANT SOME MORE?
♪ ♪ ♪
1257
00:35:45,511 --> 00:35:46,243
♪ DO YOU WANT SOME MORE?
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1258
00:35:46,245 --> 00:35:57,521
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ CRAWLING KINGSNAKE
1259
00:35:57,523 --> 00:35:58,255
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ CRAWLING KINGSNAKE
AND I WANNA
1260
00:35:58,257 --> 00:36:04,261
♪ CRAWLING KINGSNAKE
AND I WANNA
♪ ♪ ♪
1261
00:36:04,263 --> 00:36:05,529
AND I WANNA
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1262
00:36:05,531 --> 00:36:09,466
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1263
00:36:09,468 --> 00:36:10,267
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1264
00:36:10,269 --> 00:36:16,273
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1265
00:36:16,275 --> 00:36:25,382
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1266
00:36:25,384 --> 00:36:25,649
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1267
00:36:25,651 --> 00:36:30,820
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1268
00:36:30,822 --> 00:36:33,290
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1269
00:36:33,292 --> 00:36:33,590
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1270
00:36:33,592 --> 00:36:36,393
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ WELL, MY MAMMA
1271
00:36:36,395 --> 00:36:37,527
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ WELL, MY MAMMA
CAUGHT ME CRAWLIN'
1272
00:36:37,529 --> 00:36:40,263
♪ WELL, MY MAMMA
CAUGHT ME CRAWLIN'
♪ WITH THOSE GIRLS I KNOW
1273
00:36:40,265 --> 00:36:45,402
CAUGHT ME CRAWLIN'
♪ WITH THOSE GIRLS I KNOW
I WASN'T VERY BIG THEN
1274
00:36:45,404 --> 00:36:46,002
♪ WITH THOSE GIRLS I KNOW
I WASN'T VERY BIG THEN
♪ AND I WANNA CRAWL SOME MORE
1275
00:36:46,004 --> 00:36:49,539
I WASN'T VERY BIG THEN
♪ AND I WANNA CRAWL SOME MORE
DO YOU LOVE ME, MA
1276
00:36:49,541 --> 00:36:52,275
♪ AND I WANNA CRAWL SOME MORE
DO YOU LOVE ME, MA
♪ CRAWL UP ON YOUR DOOR
1277
00:36:52,277 --> 00:36:56,680
DO YOU LOVE ME, MA
♪ CRAWL UP ON YOUR DOOR
I WASN'T VERY BIG THEN
1278
00:36:56,682 --> 00:36:57,514
♪ CRAWL UP ON YOUR DOOR
I WASN'T VERY BIG THEN
♪ DO YOU WANT SOME MORE?
1279
00:36:57,516 --> 00:37:01,518
I WASN'T VERY BIG THEN
♪ DO YOU WANT SOME MORE?
♪ ♪ ♪
1280
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:09,426
♪ DO YOU WANT SOME MORE?
♪ ♪ ♪
CRAWLING KINGSNAKE
1281
00:37:09,428 --> 00:37:10,260
♪ ♪ ♪
CRAWLING KINGSNAKE
♪ AND I WANNA
1282
00:37:10,262 --> 00:37:13,496
CRAWLING KINGSNAKE
♪ AND I WANNA
♪ ♪ ♪
1283
00:37:13,498 --> 00:37:16,266
♪ AND I WANNA
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1284
00:37:16,268 --> 00:37:21,504
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1285
00:37:21,506 --> 00:37:25,508
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1286
00:37:25,510 --> 00:37:29,512
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1287
00:37:29,514 --> 00:37:33,516
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1288
00:37:33,518 --> 00:37:37,554
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1289
00:37:37,556 --> 00:37:45,528
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1290
00:37:45,530 --> 00:37:49,499
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1291
00:37:49,501 --> 00:37:52,269
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1292
00:37:52,271 --> 00:37:57,507
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1293
00:37:57,509 --> 00:37:58,275
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1294
00:37:58,277 --> 00:38:01,511
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1295
00:38:01,513 --> 00:38:05,515
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1296
00:38:05,517 --> 00:38:09,519
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1297
00:38:09,521 --> 00:38:13,490
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1298
00:38:13,492 --> 00:38:16,259
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1299
00:38:16,261 --> 00:38:17,494
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1300
00:38:17,496 --> 00:38:20,297
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1301
00:38:20,299 --> 00:38:21,498
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
WELL I'M A CRAWLING
1302
00:38:21,500 --> 00:38:25,502
♪ ♪ ♪
WELL I'M A CRAWLING
♪ KINGSNAKE, BABY
1303
00:38:25,504 --> 00:38:28,271
WELL I'M A CRAWLING
♪ KINGSNAKE, BABY
CRAWL UP ON YOUR DOOR
1304
00:38:28,273 --> 00:38:29,506
♪ KINGSNAKE, BABY
CRAWL UP ON YOUR DOOR
♪ CRAWL UP TO YOUR WINDOW, BABY
1305
00:38:29,508 --> 00:38:33,510
CRAWL UP ON YOUR DOOR
♪ CRAWL UP TO YOUR WINDOW, BABY
CRAWL UP ON YOUR FLOOR
1306
00:38:33,512 --> 00:38:37,447
♪ CRAWL UP TO YOUR WINDOW, BABY
CRAWL UP ON YOUR FLOOR
♪ YOU CATCH ME CRAWLING
1307
00:38:37,449 --> 00:38:39,983
CRAWL UP ON YOUR FLOOR
♪ YOU CATCH ME CRAWLING
DO YOU WANT SOME MORE?
1308
00:38:39,985 --> 00:38:40,283
♪ YOU CATCH ME CRAWLING
DO YOU WANT SOME MORE?
♪ ♪ ♪
1309
00:38:40,285 --> 00:38:44,054
DO YOU WANT SOME MORE?
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1310
00:38:44,056 --> 00:38:45,522
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1311
00:38:45,524 --> 00:38:52,228
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ CRAWLING KINGSNAKE
1312
00:38:52,230 --> 00:38:57,500
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ CRAWLING KINGSNAKE
AND I WANNA
1313
00:38:57,502 --> 00:39:01,504
♪ CRAWLING KINGSNAKE
AND I WANNA
♪ ♪ ♪
1314
00:39:01,506 --> 00:39:04,274
AND I WANNA
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1315
00:39:04,276 --> 00:39:05,508
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1316
00:39:05,510 --> 00:39:09,512
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1317
00:39:09,514 --> 00:39:13,483
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1318
00:39:13,485 --> 00:39:17,520
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1319
00:39:17,522 --> 00:39:21,524
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1320
00:39:21,526 --> 00:39:34,270
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1321
00:39:34,272 --> 00:39:35,438
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: THE BLACK KEYS,
1322
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:36,706
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: THE BLACK KEYS,
EVERYBODY.
1323
00:39:36,708 --> 00:39:37,507
>> Stephen: THE BLACK KEYS,
EVERYBODY.
CHECK OUT ANOTHER SONG FROM
1324
00:39:37,509 --> 00:39:39,542
EVERYBODY.
CHECK OUT ANOTHER SONG FROM
THEM, AS WELL AS OTHER GREAT
1325
00:39:39,544 --> 00:39:40,276
CHECK OUT ANOTHER SONG FROM
THEM, AS WELL AS OTHER GREAT
PERFORMANCES IN OUR PLAY-AT-HOME
1326
00:39:40,278 --> 00:39:41,478
THEM, AS WELL AS OTHER GREAT
PERFORMANCES IN OUR PLAY-AT-HOME
SERIES, ONLINE AT
1327
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:45,081
PERFORMANCES IN OUR PLAY-AT-HOME
SERIES, ONLINE AT
colbertlateshow.com.
1328
00:39:45,083 --> 00:39:45,515
SERIES, ONLINE AT
colbertlateshow.com.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
1329
00:39:45,517 --> 00:39:48,551
colbertlateshow.com.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ ♪ ♪
1330
00:39:55,326 --> 00:39:56,993
>> Stephen: STAY STRONG.
( EVIE LAUGHING )
1331
00:39:58,462 --> 00:39:58,962
Captioning sponsored by CBS
1332
00:39:59,530 --> 00:40:00,730
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
1333
00:40:12,009 --> 00:40:17,046
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1334
00:40:17,048 --> 00:40:19,783
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1335
00:40:19,785 --> 00:40:24,888
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1336
00:40:24,890 --> 00:40:25,188
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
1337
00:40:25,190 --> 00:40:25,989
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪