>> WHISTLEBLOWER FRANCES HAUGEN APPEARED BEFORE CONGRESS TO SAY
FACEBOOK KNEW ABOUT THE HARM ITS PRODUCTS WERE CAUSING, BUT
PLACED PROFITS AHEAD OF SAFETY.
>> HER APPEARANCE IS COMING AFTER A MASSIVE OUTAGE THAT TOOK
FACEBOOK AND ITS FAMILY OF APPS, INCLUDING INSTAGRAM AND
WHATSAPP, DOWN FOR ABOUT SIX HOURS YESTERDAY.
>> INVESTORS RESPONDED, HAMMERING THE STOCK.
MONDAY'S SELL-OFF COST MARK ZUCKERBERG BILLIONS.
HE LOST MORE THAN $6 BILLION AS HIS FACEBOOK STOCK TANKED.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( LAUGHTER )
( LAUGHTER )
( EXPLOSION )
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES:
MICHAEL KEATON AND MUSICAL GUEST ZAC BROWN
BAND FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HELLO!
HEY!
NICELY DONE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) DID YOU HIT IT?
HEY!
>> Audience: STEPHEN!
STEPHEN!
>> Stephen: HEY!
THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
EVERYBODY, IN HERE, OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE WORLD, MR. AND
MRS. AMERICA, AND ALL THE SHIPS AT SEA, WELCOME TO "THE LATE
SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
AND LADIES AND GENTLEMEN-- ( APPLAUSE ).
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN I I COME TO YOU TONIGHT FROM A ROOM FULL OF
WARRIORS.
HEROES.
SURVIVORS.
FORGET WORLD WAR II.
THIS IS THE GREATEST GENERATION, BECAUSE YESTERDAY, EVERY SINGLE
PERSON IN THIS ROOM HAD TO DIG DOWN DEEP WITHIN THEMSELVES AND
FIND THE STRENGTH TO MAKE IT THROUGH FACEBOOK'S SIX-HOUR
WORLDWIDE OUTAGE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AND I BELIEVE OUR COUNTRY CAN SURVIVE LOSING FACEBOOK, WHO
KNOWS.
MAYBE IT CAN SURVIVE HAVING FACEBOOK.
THE OUTAGE INCLUDED ALL OF FACEBOOK'S PRODUCTS, KNOWN
COLLECTIVELY AS "THE INTERNET."
AND PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD WERE AFFECTED:
IN MEXICO, POLITICIANS WERE CUT OFF FROM THEIR CONSTITUENTS.
IN TURKEY AND KENYA, SHOPKEEPERS COULDN'T SELL THEIR WARES.
AND HERE IN THE UNITED STATES, YOUR AUNT GLORIA HAD TO WAIT
FULL SIX HOURS BEFORE DOING HER OWN RESEARCH ABOUT HOW THE
VACCINES MAGNETIZE YOUR BLOOD BECAUSE BILL GATES WANTS TO USE
YOUR SPINE AS A COMPASS.
( APPLAUSE ) LOOK IT UP!
THE FACEBOOK OUTAGE ALSO HIT YOUR AVERAGE LOCAL BILLIONAIRE,
BECAUSE THE COMPANY'S STOCK PLUMMETED, AND IN A JUST FEW
HOURS, ZUCKERBERG LOST $6 BILLION.
YEAH!
JUST 115 MORE TO GO, AND HE'LL HAVE TO SELL HIS OLD STUFF ON
FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE: "FOR SALE: GRAY HOODIE AND USED
COPY OF 'EYE CONTACT FOR BEGINNERS.
' PRICE?
130...
BILLION DOLLARS."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ).
YES, IT WAS A TYPE WRITER.
THE COMPANY ITSELF HAD ONLY THE VAGUEST EXPLANATION FOR THE
BLAMING A FAULTY CONFIGURATION CHANGE ON THE "BACKBONE ROUTERS
THAT COORDINATE NETWORK TRAFFIC BETWEEN DATA CENTERS."
WELL, OF COURSE!
AND HERE I THOUGHT IT WAS THE INVERTED RADIAL PROCESSOR
CORRUPTING THE SHELL COMMAND JAVASCRIPT IN THE BLEEP
BLORP TEDDY RUXPIN NINTENDO CYBER-BIKE.
WELL, I'VE BEEN DRAGGING MY FEET FOR THE WHOLE MONOLOGUE.
NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY NOT TO, SOMETIMES THE NEWS FORCES ME TO
TALK ABOUT OUR FORMER PRESIDENT, SCROOGE McSCHMUCK.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU SEE, HERE'S WHY, HERE'S WHY.
THIS IS THE STORY.
THERE'S A NEW TELL-ALL FROM FORMER WHITE HOUSE PRESS
SECRETARY AND MORTICIA ADDAMS' DIVORCED SISTER, STEPHANIE
GRISHAM.
STEPHANIE GRISHAM WORKED IN THE WHITE HOUSE FOR FOUR YEARS, AND
AS PRESS SECRETARY, SHE FAMOUSLY NEVER GAVE A SINGLE PRESS
CONFERENCE.
BUT NOW SHE'S SPILLING ALL THE TEA IN HER NEW BOOK, "I JUST
RECENTLY GREW A SPINE."
( LAUGHTER ) LAWZ
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IS THAT THE TITLE?
I HAVEN'T READ IT.
FULL DISCLOSURE: THIS SHOW, THIS SHOW RIGHT HERE, IS THE NUMBER
ONE PLACE IN LATE NIGHT TO PUSH PAPER.
WE SELL A LOT OF BOOKS, BUT I DON'T WANT TO HELP HER SELL A
SINGLE COPY OF HER TELL-ALL ABOUT ALL THE TIMES SHE TOLD US
NOTHING.
THAT'S WHY I'M GOING TO SPOIL ALL THE JUICY DETAILS OF
"I'LL TAKE YOUR MONEY NOW."
IN THE BOOK, GRISHAM USES A LOT OF COLORFUL LANGUAGE TO DESCRIBE
THE ADMINISTRATION, CALLING IT "A CLOWN CAR ON FIRE RUNNING AT
FULL SPEED INTO A WAREHOUSE FULL OF FIREWORKS."
OR AS FOX NEWS WOULD PUT IT, A BRAVE BAND OF FLAMING
HARLEQUINS RUSHING PATRIOTICALLY INTO THE EXPLOSIVE JAWS OF
DANGER."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YEAH.
JUST A REMINDER: SHE KNEW ALL ABOUT THE FIERY CLOWN CAR AND
SHE STILL CALLED SHOTGUN FOR FOUR YEARS.
GRISHAM GOES ON TO WRITE, "I CAN GIVE YOU ENDLESS METAPHORS:
LIVING IN A HOUSE THAT WAS ALWAYS ON FIRE, OR IN AN INSANE
ASYLUM WHERE YOU COULDN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE
PATIENTS AND THE ATTENDANTS, OR ON A ROLLER COASTER THAT NEVER
STOPPED."
OOO, OOO-- LET ME TRY: BEING IN HIS ADMINISTRATION IS LIKE
SLIDING BLINDFOLDED DOWN A 50-FOOT RAZOR BLADE INTO A TUB
OF GIN.
IT'S LIKE WALKING THROUGH A MINEFIELD LED BY A BABY TRYING
TO CHANGE HIS OWN DIAPER!
DRIVING A MANURE TRUCK OVER A CLIFF INTO A PIT OF OTHER
MANURE TRUCKS.
DEEP SEA DIVING SURROUNDED BY SHARKS WHO WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT
WINNING WISCONSIN.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
GRISHAM ALSO-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ WHAT IS GOING ON?
GRISHAM ALSO WRITES ABOUT THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S 2017 TRIP TO
SAUDI ARABIA, WHEN HE FORGOT TO PACK HIS USUAL PRODUCTS, SO HE
WORE STEPHANIE GRISHAM'S MAKEUP DURING A SPEECH.
LUCKILY, THEY USE THE SAME SHADE.
MAYBE HE'S BORN WITH IT; MAYBE IT'S MAYBELLINE.
PROBABLY IT'S TANG.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THAT'S NOT-- BECAUSE HE'S ORANGE.
VERY ORANGE.
THAT'S NOT THE ONLY EMBARRASSING DETAIL IN GRISHAM'S NEW BOOK--
ONCE AGAIN, TITLED: "I'M SORRY, PLEASE DON'T SPIT IN
MY FOOD," SHE ALSO REVEALS THE FORMER PRESIDENT SHARED HIS
LOGIC FOR NOT EATING VEGETARIAN: "IT MESSES WITH YOUR BODY
CHEMISTRY, YOUR BRAIN, AND IF I LOSE EVEN ONE BRAIN CELL, WE'RE
(BLEEP).
( APPLAUSE ) THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU HEARD THAT.
YOU HEARD THAT CORRECTLY.
THE EX-PRESIDENT BELIEVES VEGETABLES ARE DANGEROUS.
THAT'S WHY HE CHANGED THE FOOD PYRAMID TO MEAT, NUGGET, AND
HERE THERE BE DRAGONS.
GRISHAM ALSO GOES AFTER THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S FAMILY.
FOR INSTANCE, SHE REVEALS THAT AT THE 2017 WHITE HOUSE
EASTER EGG ROLL, DON JR., ERIC, AND THEIR FAMILIES CUT OTHER
KIDS IN LINE SO THEY COULD BE PHOTOGRAPHED WITH THE PRESIDENT.
LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
THEY CUT A BUNCH OF LITTLE KIDS IN LINE SO THEY COULD BE FIRST
TO GET A PICTURE WITH THEIR OWN DAD, LIKE HE'S A CHARACTER AT
DISNEY WORLD.
( AS ERIC ) "DAD, PLEASE TAKE A PICTURE WITH
ME!
( APPLAUSE ) I ALREADY GOT--
( APPLAUSE ) I ALREADY GOT TIGGER AND GASTON!
I ALSO ASKED GASTON TO TAKE ME FISHING.
HE SAID NO.
♪ NO ONE HUGS LIKE MY DAD BEATS UP THUGS LIKE MY DAD
♪ NO ONE SNORTS LOTS OF A.D.D.
DRUGS LIKE MY DAD ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERING )
SCENE.
I WANT TO THANK THE ACADEMY...
THIS WAS MELANIA'S FIRST BIG SOCIAL EVENT AFTER THE ELECTION,
THE EASTER EGG ROLL.
SO THERE WAS A TON OF PRESSURE ON HER TO GET IT RIGHT,
OBVIOUSLY.
AND SHE TOOK HER STRESS OUT ON THE EASTER BUNNY HIMSELF.
ACCORDING TO GRISHAM, MOMENTS BEFORE HIS BIG REVEAL, MELANIA
SAID, "I DON'T LIKE WHAT HE IS WEARING," BECAUSE SHE FELT IT
WAS TACKY.
OH, AND THE LAST THING YOU WANT IS FOR YOUR GIANT PLUSH BUNNY TO
BE TACKY.
NOW, FOCUSING ON CLOTHES MAY SOUNDS PETTY, BUT MELANIA WAS
JUST KEEPING WITH THE SPIRIT OF EASTER.
REMEMBER JOHN 11:25: "JESUS SAID TO HER, 'I AM THE
RESURRECTION AND THE LIFE.
AND, GIRL, WHAT IS THIS ENSEMBLE?
WE GOTTA GET YOU TO BERGDORF'S."
GRISHAM-- ( APPLAUSE )
GRISHAM GOES ON TO DIVULGE THAT MINUTES BEFORE HE WAS TO HOP OUT
ONTO THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN, MELANIA MADE THE EASTER BUNNY
STRIP.
LUCKILY-- AND IS THIS TRUE-- LUCKILY, WE HAVE SOME FOOTAGE.
♪ ♪ ♪ JIM, YOU CUT AWAY BEFORE WE SAW
THE JELLY BEANS!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AT LEAST THE PEEPS.
THE GRASS!
THE GRASS.
THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
EASTER WASN'T THE ONLY MAJOR EVENT FULL OF DRAMA.
WHEN THE PRESIDENT HAD A STATE DINNER WITH THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND
IN 2019, ALL OF HIS KIDS AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS TRIED
TO GET ON THE INVITE LIST, INCLUDING ERIC'S WIFE, LARA;
TIFFANY'S BOYFRIEND, MICHAEL BOULOS; AND DON JR.'S
GIRLFRIEND, FOX NEWS HOST KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE.
JUST WHO YOU WANT INTERACTING WITH THE QUEEN.
( AS QUEEN ELIZABETH ) "OH, DEAR, DON JR.
YOU SEEM TO HAVE DROPPED YOUR TINY BAGGIE OF SUGAR.
HMMM.
LET'S PUT A LITTLE BIT IN MY TEA.
HMMM.
WHOOO!
LIZZY FEELS ALIVE!" ( APPLAUSE )
IT'S COCAINE.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT MELANIA'S CHIEF OF STAFF PUT
THE KIBOSH ON EXPANDING THE GUEST LIST, SAYING, "WE ARE
GOING TO LOOK LIKE THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES."
THAT IS OFFENSIVE TO THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
IVANKA'S NO ELLIE MAE, DON JR. IS NO JETHRO.
BUT KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE DOES REMIND ME OF GRANNY:
>> THE BEST!
IS YET!
TO COME!
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: GRISHAM-- I MISS
THAT GOOD WOMAN.
GRISHAM ALSO HAS THINGS TO SAY ABOUT SOUTH CAROLINA SENATOR AND
MAN WHO JUST DUMPED AT THE MALL, LINDSEY GRAHAM.
IN THE BOOK, GRISHAM CALLS GRAHAM "SENATOR FREELOADER" AND
SAID HE WOULD SHOW UP AT MAR-A-LAGO TO "STUFF HIS FACE
WITH FREE FOOD."
AND SHE REMEMBERED THIS INCIDENT: "SENATOR FREELOADER
WAS SITTING AT A TABLE BY THE POOL, A BIG GRIN ON HIS FACE,
LAPPING UP THE GOODIES HE WAS GETTING LIKE SOME POTENTATE.
HE SAID TO ME, WITH A CREEPY LITTLE SMILE, 'ISN'T THIS GREAT?
MAN, THIS IS THE LIFE.'" FOR YEARS, PEOPLE HAVE BEEN
ASKING, "WHY WOULD LINDSEY GRAHAM ABANDON ALL OF HIS
PRINCIPLES AND KOWTOW TO A DEMAGOGUE BENT ON DESTROYING
DEMOCRACY?" TURNS OUT, FREE SHRIMP.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
IN THE RUN-UP TO 2024 ( APPLAUSE )
DELICIOUS.
ALWAYS ROOM FOR MORE SHRIMP.
IN THE RUN-UP TO 2024, REPUBLICANS HAVE BEEN TRYING TO
WHITEWASH THE JANUARY 6 RIOT, BUT LAST NIGHT, WE GOT THE
WHITEST OF ALL WASHES FROM THE WHITEST OF ALL MEN: FORMER VICE
PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE, SEEN HERE TRYING TO PRAY AWAY THE IMPURE
THOUGHTS HE GOT FROM LOOKING AT THE LADY ON BOTTLE OF CHOLULA
HOT SAUCE.
( LAUGHTER ) SHE'S GOOD LOOKING.
GOOD-LOOKING LADY.
( LAUGHTER ) SHE'S UP THERE WITH THE LANDO'
LAKES LADY, AND THE GIRL ON THE BOX OF RAISINS.
VERY TEMPTING.
THE FORMER VEEP WENT ON THE FOX NEWS LA T NIGHT TO EXPLAIN THAT
HE HAS A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH THE FORMER PRESIDENT.
>> A POLITICAL FOX HOLE IS ALSO WHAT HE CALLS THE FORMER
PRESIDENT'S BUTT.
SO NAMED BECAUSE IT'S FULL OF FOX ARVGORS.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS MICHAEL KEATON.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!"
JOIN US.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND, JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ BA-DA-BA-DA.
WHAT IS THAT SONG, JON.
>> Jon: "TOWNSHIP."
>> Stephen: IS THAT ORIGINAL?
>> Jon: YES, INSPIRED BY THE SOWETO NEIGHBORHOOD WHERE
MANDELA GREW UP.
I GOT TO VISIT AND I WAS INSPIRED TO WRITE THAT.
>> Stephen: THAT'S ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS BEAUTIFUL, JON, IS MY GUEST TONIGHT,
MICHAEL KEATON.
THE GREAT.
>> Jon: BATMAN.
>> Stephen: IS THAT THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF?
THE FIRST THING I THINK OF IS BATMAN.
I BOUGHT THEV HS CASSETTE.
I WAS IN ELEMENTARY, MIDDLE SCHOOL, SOMEWHERE AROUND THERE.
I BOUGHT THE CASSETTE AND I WATCHED THAT MAYBE EVERY SINGLE
DAY FOR SEVERAL MONTHS.
>> Stephen: GOTTA SAY, STILL VERY HARD TO BEAT.
>> Jon: I STILL -- >> Stephen: STILL THE
STANDARD.
>> Jon: YEAH.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME RIGHT OVER THERE,
RAISING THE FINEST HOLSTEIN NEWS CATTLE, FIRMLY, YET TENDERLY,
MILKING THE LATEST HEADLINES FROM THEIR JOKE-SWOLLEN TEATS,
CHURNING THE DAILY STORIES INTO THE DECADENT, PROVENCAL-STYLE
TRIPLE CREME BRIE THAT IS MY NIGHTLY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I STAGGER HOME HUNGRY AFTER
BEING RELEASED BY THE POLICE, ROOT AROUND IN THE NEIGHBOR'S
TRASH CAN FOR AN OLD MILK CARTON, SCRAPE OUT THE BLOOMING
DAIRY RESIDUE ONTO THE REMAINS OF A WET CHEESE RIND I WON
FROM A RAT IN A PRE-DAWN STREET FIGHT, PUT IT IN A DISCARDED
PAINT CAN, AND LEAVE IT TO FERMENT NEXT TO A TRASH FIRE,
THEN HUNKER DOWN AND HALLUCINATE WHILE EATING THE LISTERIA-LADEN
DEMON CUSTARD OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
♪ ♪ ♪ >> MEANWHILE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: DRIVE THAT TRAIN!
THIS IS THE TRAIN.
I WANT YOU ON THE TRAIN, OFF THE TRAIN, MEANWHILE, IT'S THE TRAIN
WE'RE GETTING ON.
MEANWHILE, THERE ARE A LOT OF PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD, BUT
KETCHUP IS NO LONGER ONE OF THEM, BECAUSE CONDIMENT GIANT
HEINZ HAS LAUNCHED A NEW KETCHUP BOTTLE-SHAPED GADGET
THAT ALLOWS USERS TO SQUEEZE THE MOST OUT OF A CONDIMENT PACKET.
MY GOD, THEY'VE DONE IT!
THEY'VE INVENTED FINGERS.
WELL, THAT IS STUPID.
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, GET A LOAD OF THIS
RASCAL.
HE'S DANISH ARTIST JENS HAANING.
AND HE'S GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT, BECAUSE A DANISH MUSEUM GAVE HIM
AN $84,000 COMMISSION FOR HIS WORK.
THEN HE KEPT THE CASH AND NAMED THE ART "TAKE THE MONEY AND
RUN," TELLING THE PRESS, "THE WORK IS THAT I HAVE TAKEN THEIR
MONEY."
( LAUGHTER ) OH, VAN GOGH HE DI-IN'T!
ART CRITICS CAN LOOK FORWARD TO HAANING'S NEXT PIECE, ENTITLED,
"THE WORK IS THAT I SLEPT WITH YOUR WIFE."
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, ROME IS BEING OVERRUN
BY TRASH-LOVING WILD BOARS.
AMERICAN TOURISTS ARE BACK, BABY!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
NO?
IS THAT NOT IT?
THAT'S NOT-- THAT'S NOT IT.
THAT'S NOT IT.
I'M BEING TOLD THAT'S NOT IT.
APPARENTLY, THE ETERNAL CITY IS FULL OF PACKS OF 10 TO 30 BEASTS
INVADING IN SEARCH OF FOOD IN ROMBAUER'S NOTORIOUSLY
OVERFLOWING RUBBISH BINS.
SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF WORK.
IN AMERICA, YOU CAN EAT ALL THE ITALIAN TRASH YOU WANT BY GOING
TO PAPA JOHN'S.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Jon: OOO-WOOO!
>> Stephen: YEAH!
YEAH!
I DIDN'T GO ANYWHERE!
THERE'S NOWHERE TO GO.
I DID NOT GO THERE.
MEANWHILE, POPEYES WILL OPEN A FLAGSHIP RESTAURANT IN
LONDON.
AND ACCORDING TO A SPOKESPERSON, THERE WILL BE NO CONCESSIONS OR
CHANGES TO THE U.K. MARKET ON THE MENU.
OKAY, ENGLAND?
YOU'VE BEEN FOREWARNED.
OUR FOOD IS DIPPED IN CONCRETE, DEEP FAT FRIED, AND DOUSED WITH
ENOUGH SALT AND SPICES TO DROP A CHARGING RHINO.
THAT'S GOING TO FEEL LIKE A LOT OF FLAVOR IF YOU'RE USED TO
GETTING YOUR CHICKEN FROM "SIR BLANDINGTON'S PLAIN BOILED
FOWL SPORTING CLUB.
GUARANTEED DAMP"!
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, CLINT EASTWOOD HAS
WON A $6.1 MILLION DOLLAR LAWSUIT AGAINST A COMPANY FOR
FALSELY CLAIMING THAT HE ENDORSED C.B.D. SUPPLEMENTS.
LOOK HOW ECSTATIC HE IS AT THE RULING.
( LAUGHTER ) IF YOU SQUINT REAL HARD, YOU CAN
SEE A TINY SMILE.
AND IF YOU SQUINT EVEN HARDER THAN THAT, YOU ARE POBABLY
CLINT EASTWOOD.
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, IN JAPAN, AN
AQUARIUM HAS FOUND A CREATURE THAT LOOKS LIKE A PIECE OF
SALMON SUSHI.
BIT OF A DARWINIAN MISFIRE THERE.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO EVOLVE TO NOT LOOK DELICIOUS.
THAT'S LIKE IF A DEER TRIED TO HIDE FROM HUNTERS USING
MEAT COUNTER CAMOUFLAGE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MICHAEL KEATON.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'M SO PLEASED TO SAY, THRILLED AND
HONORED TO TELL YOU THAT MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN
ACTOR YOU KNOW AS
"BEETLEJUICE," "BATMAN," AND "BIRDMAN."
HE NOW STARS IN AND EXECUTIVE PRODUCES THE NEW LIMITED SERIES
"DOPESICK."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," MICHAEL KEATON!
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
YOU LOOK GOOD.
YOU LOOK SO GOOD.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> THANK YOU!
HOW ABOUT THAT?
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, FOR KNOWING HOW TO MAKE AN
ENTRANCE ON A TALK SHOW.
>> YEAH, I KIND OF MILKED IT -- >> Stephen: THE AUDIENCE
DESERVED-- >> FIRST OF ALL, THANKS FOR
HAVING ME.
THIS IS NICE.
HOW MANY COME ON AND ACTUALLY THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: VERY FEW.
>> THEY WEREN'T RAISED CORRECTLY.
>> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
IT'S BEEN FOUR YEARS SINCE YOU'VE BEEN HERE.
>> IS IT, REALLY?
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN MICHAEL DOUGLAS KEATON?
>> VERY WELL, VERY WELL.
AND IT IS SO NICE-- THIS IS GREAT.
I'VE ONLY BEEN TO NEW YORK A COUPLE OF TIMES SINCE THE
PANDEMIC.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: A REAL AUDIENCE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: LIVE, BROADWAY AUDIENCE.
>> IT'S SO NICE, MAN.
AND EVERY TIME I COME HERE THE FIRST THING I DO, BEING ON A
PLANE, IT'S ONE OF THE GREAT WALKING CITIES IN THE WORLD.
SO, YEAH.
SO I ALWAYS HINT THE GROUND RUNNING AND GO OUT AND TAKE A
WALK, TAKE A WALK AND WALK AROUND.
AND THERE WAS NEVER, NEVER ONCE WAS THERE A TIME I HAVE WENT,
"IT WAS ALL RIGHT."
LAST NAME I WAS OUT FOR A LITTLE JOG, A LITTLE RUN, AND I COME
AROUND THE CORNER DOWNTOWN, AND I SEE-- SORRY, BUT WE'RE ALL
USED TO THIS HERE IN THE CITY-- I SEE A COUPLE OF RATS.
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE, LIVING THEIR LIVES.
>> SURE, OF COURSE.
YEAH.
SO I SEE A COUPLE OF RATS.
INTERESTINGLY, MY FIRST REACTION WAS TO PUT MY MASK ON.
( LAUGHTER ) I JUST WENT-- I WAS GOING, "OH,
GEE, I'M SORRY," AND I'M LIKE THIS.
BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO SAY, "NO, NO, IT'S ABOUT YOU.
IT'S ABOUT PROTECTING YOU."
( LAUGHTER ) "NO, NO, I DON'TMENT YOU TO GET
COVID FROM ME.
YOU COULD HAVE A FAMILY OR SOMEONE IMMUNOCOMPROMISED BACK
IN YOUR DEN!" >> YOU'RE RIGHT, YELLING DOWN A
SEWER.
"REALLY, I'M SORRY, IF I OFFENDED YOU, RATS."
YEAH, SO, SO, IT'S ALWAYS JUST SO FUN TO COME OUT.
AND I'M GOING TO ASK YOU THIS QUESTION: ISN'T IT AMAZING, WHEN
YOU'RE OUT IN THE STREET-- I BET THIS HAPPENS TO YOU, YOU HAVE
ONE OF THESE ON PROBABLY.
>> Stephen: WHEN I'M OUT, NOT ON STAGE.
>> HOW OFTEN YOU'RE RECOGNIZED.
>> Stephen: IF I DON'T TALK AND WEAR SUNGLASSES AND A HAT
I'M COOL.
>> REALLY.
>> Stephen: BUT IF I TALK, PEOPLE GO, "HEY!"
>> OR WHATEVER.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE THE EYEBROWS.
YOU HAVE THOSE BABY BLUES AND THE EYEBROWS.
>> PLUS, THE MICHAEL KEATON HAT THAT I WEAR.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
YEAH.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
ARROWS POINTING DOWN AT YOUR FACE.
>> AND LIGHTS.
SO, SO, SO I ALWAYS AM KIND OF FASCINATED BY THAT.
I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY DO IT.
AND I'M OUT, AND, YOU KNOW, NEW YORKERS ARE THE GREATEST,
BECAUSE THEY'LL ALWAYS YELL-- THEY'RE JUST EXCELLENT AT HOW
THEY-- THEY'RE OBTRUSIVE AND UNOBTRUSIVE AT THE SAME TIME.
THE BEST, THE BEST.
"MIKEY!" AND, YOU KNOW, THEY'LL QUOTE A
LINE OR "LOVE YOU!" AND THEN THEY JUST GO ON WITH
THUR LIVES.
THEY DON'T CARE -- >> Stephen: THEY'VE GOT THINGS
TO DO, THINGS TO DO.
>> PLACES TO GO AND THINGS TO DO.
IT'S THE GREATEST.
IT'S, "HEY, WHAT'S UP?" AND THAT'S IT.
SO, SO, I DON'T KNOW HOW-- I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW PEOPLE SEE,
RECOGNIZE ME, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE-- AND WHEN YOU LIVE IN A
PLACE, A WARM CLIMATE LIKE LOS ANGELES MOST OF THE TIME, OR
OTHER PLACES, YOU DON'T NEED A LOT OF STUFF.
BUT WHEN YOU'RE IN A COLDER CITY-- CHICAGO, NEW YORK,
WHATEVER-- YOU HAVE A PHONE.
YOU HAVE A MASK.
YOU HAVE STUFF.
AND YOU'RE ALWAYS GETTING ON SUBWAYS AND --
>> Stephen: IN L.A. YOU'RE IN YOUR CAR.
>> YOU HAVE FLIP-FLOPS AND THEY THEREFORE-- AND I'M GUILTY OF
THIS-- MORE THINGS TO LOSE OR FORGET.
>> Stephen: IN NEW YORK.
>> YES, OR CHICAGO OR WHATEVER.
I FINALLY REALIZED A LOT OF PEOPLE RECOGNIZE ME NOW WHEN
THEY SEE ME BY THIS.
( BLEEP ).
( LAUGHTER ) YEAH.
IT'S BECOME THAT BAD THAT GUYS WILL YELL, "AGAIN?"
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK, BUT STICK AROUND, WE'LL
BE BACK WITH MORE MICHAEL KEATON.
WE'RE BACK WITH THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE ONLY, THE MICHAEL
KEATON.
JON AND I WERE TALKING BEFORE YOU CAME OUT HERE, AND,
OBVIOUSLY, YOU'VE HAD AN AMAZING AND STORIED CAREER.
HE REMEMBERS YOU, LIKE, YOU'RE HIS BATMAN.
>> YEAH, YEAH, AND YOURS, I THINK.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
>> AND YOURS.
( APPLAUSE ) #-R.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: OH, YOU THINK?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU THINK?
COME ON.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: IT'S STILL THE GOLD STANDARD.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: STILL THE GOLD STANDARD.
>> YEAH.
EXCEPT IF YOU'VE-- I'LL TELL YOU A GREAT VERSION, AND THAT IS--
IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT OR HEARD IT, WILL ARNETT'S LOGO BATMAN IS
REALLY GOOD REALLY FUNNY.
>> Stephen: WORD IS YOU ARE GOING TO REPRIZE YOUR ROLE AS
BATMAN.
DO YOU THINK YOU COULD FIT INTO THE ORIGINAL SUIT.
>> I DID.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE ALREADY DONE IT?
DID THEY HAVE TO LET IT OUT?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: IT'S 30 YEARS AGO.
>> SVELTE AS EVER, MAN.
>> Stephen: WAS IT THE SAME-- >> SAME DIMENSION SAME FITTING.
>> Stephen: HOW DID IT FEEL TO BE--
>> HORRIBLE?
NO, IT WAS GREAT, IT WAS GREAT.
I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY THERE ARE, 77 BATMANS.
>> Stephen: SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
>> THEY PROBABLY SHOULD FORM THEIR OWN UNION.
>> Stephen: DO YOU GUYS-- IS THERE-- THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY,
IS THERE LIKE A BATMAN CLUB?
DO YOU GUYS HANG OUT SOMEPLACE.
PATTON.
>> THERE'S ONE I FORGOT.
HE'S GOOD.
>> Stephen: HE'S NEXT.
DO YOU HANG OUT WITH ANY OF THEM, CLOONEY?
>> NOT UNTIL THE UNION FORMS.
>> Stephen: THE YOUNG PEOPLE DOWN THERE MAY NOT KNOW, MY
IMAGE OF MICHAEL KEATON BEFORE THIS, IS YOU'RE THIS PARTICULAR
DYNAMIC, FRENETIC COMEDIC ACTOR.
>> YLS.
>> Stephen: AND I WANT TO KNOW WHO WAS YOUR-- WHO ARE YOUR
COMEDIC HEROS?
WHO ARE THE PEOPLE YOU WERE WATCHING AND YOU WANTED TO BE?
>> I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT THAT'S, LIKE, THAT'S TOO TOUGH.
THAT'S TOO-- YOU, YOU-- I ALWAYS GO IN WHAT CATEGORY?
THERE'S NO ONE WHO IS NOT GREAT.
>> Stephen: COMEDIC ACTOR.
>> LIKE "YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN," EVERYBODY IS UNBELIEVABLE.
IF YOU LOOK FOR ORIGINALITY, ANDY KAUFMAN.
I WAS A HUGE ALBERT BROOKS FAN.
MAYBE THE BEST COMEDY SHOW, STAND-UP SHOW I EVER SAW WAS IN
THE LATE 70s IN L.A. WAS STEVE MARTIN, WHICH WAS JUST
UNBELIEVABLE.
( APPLAUSE ) I'LL TELL YOU SOME-- I'M GOING
TO TELL YOU WHO IS REALLY FUNNY, REALLY FUNNY-- LIKE, LIKE, STOP
FUNNY.
YOU'RE KILLING ME.
MIKE PENCE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: DRY, THOUGH.
>> NO, I'M TELLING YOU.
>> Stephen: DRY, BUT HE WORKS BLUE.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
DOES HE?
>> IT'S LIKE, MIKE, HONEST TO GOD, STOP.
BECAUSE YOUR SIDE IS HURTING.
OH, MAN.
AND, BY THE WAY, DAMN GOOD DANCER.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: YES.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: ALSO-- >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: COOL TO KIND OF BE WITH.
HE'S A GREAT HANG.
>> TOTAL HANG.
HIM-- AS A MATTER OF FACT-- BY THE WAY, NOT A BAD RAPPER.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YEAH, REALLY, MIKE
PENCE.
HE HAS BARS.
>> YEAH.
NOT LIKE TUCKER CARLSON OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
( LAUGHTER ) AND THESE GUYS-- YOU KNOW HOW
GUYS FOLLOW THE DEAD, THE DEAD-HEADS.
THESE GUYS LOVE WU TAN CLAN.
>> Stephen: WOW, I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING.
>> I WAS OVER THERE ONE NIGHT, AND THE GUYS WERE HANGING OUT,
RUDY.
AND THEY WERE HAVING FUN.
WHAT'S ODD IS MIKE DOESN'T DRINK WHICH MAKES IT MORE UNSETTLING
THAT HE ACTS LIKE THIS.
HE WAS, LIKE, TWERKING.
>> Stephen: "BABY GOT BACK.
I KNOW THAT ABOUT MIKE PENCE.
>> HE HAS A HUGE TATTOO.
IT'S UNCOMFORTABLE, SAYS, "COME AND GET IT, BITCH, "SOMETHING.
>> Stephen: RIGHT THERE.
LIKE A MEDALLION RIGHT ON HIS OLD--
>> ACROSS THE BACK.
AND TO BE FAIR, I THINK IT SAID, "COME AND GET SOME OF THIS,"
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
AND THEY ALL FOLLOW-- BUT FEN FUNNY, MAN.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER BREAK BUT DON'T GO AWAY.
WE'RE GOING TO BE BACK WITH MORE MICHAEL KEATON.
THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYTHING, WE'RE RIGHT HERE.
WE'RE HAVING A GREAT CONVERSATION.
I HOPE IT STAYS THAT WAY.
WELCOME BACK.
WE'RE HERE WITH AMERICA'S SWEETHEART, MICHAEL KEATON.
THE NEW PROJECT, CALLED "DOPESICK," WHICH YOU-- YOU STAR
IN.
YOU'RE ALSO EXECUTIVE PRODUCING.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: AND IT'S ON HULU.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: IT'S ABOUT THE OPIOID CRISIS AND HOW IT AFFECTS
THIS ONE TOWN AND YOU PLAY A DOCTOR WITHIN THE TOWN.
>> WELL, IT'S NOT JUST THE TOWN, IT'S THE REGIONS.
IT'S THE COUNTRY.
IT'S EVERYTHING.
AND, YEAH, IT'S BASED ON THIS BOOK "DOPESICK," BY BETH MACY.
A GREAT BOOK, AND A LITTLE DEPRESSING.
BUT EYE-OPENING, TO SAY THE LEAST.
AND THERE WAS-- IT'S A LIMITED SERIES, EIGHT EPISODES.
AND IT'S ALSO ABOUT HOW PURDUE PHARMA AND THE SACKLER FAMILY
WHO-- SO, YEAH, IT'S REALLY GOOD.
I GOTTA SAY, BARRY LEVINSON DIRECTED THE FIRST TWO EPISODES.
AND I HAD NEVER WORKED WITH HIM, BUT I REALLY LIKE HIM A LOT.
AND WE TALKED ABOUT DOING STUFF TOGETHER.
IT'S-- IT'S TOUGH, YOU KNOW.
IT'S BRUTAL.
AND, YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY-- EVERYBODY HAS A CONNECTION WITH
IT NOW, BY NOW.
YOU KNOW SOMEBODY -- >> Stephen: PRETTY MUCH
EVERYBODY IN THE UNITED STATES KNOWS SOMEBODY OR KNOWS SOMEBODY
WHO KNOWS SOMEBODY.
>> IT'S ON HULU, IT'S GOOD, IT'S REALLY, REALLY GOOD.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP WHERE YOU'RE GIVING TESTIMONY.
CAN YOU TELL US WHAT IT IS?
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT CLIP IT IS.
>> DR. FINNIX.
>> OXYCONTINENTIN.
>> SO JUST TO BE CLEAR YOU'RE BLAME NUMEROUS DEATHS IN YOUR
TOWN ON ONE MEDICATION?
>> YES, I AM.
>> AND ARE YOU THE INDIVIDUAL THAT PRESCRIBED THIS MEDICATION?
>> YES, SIR.
I DID.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
( APPLAUSE ) SO WHAT'S GOING ON THERE?
WHAT'S-- SO, A LOT OF LAUGHS, OBVIOUSLY.
>> Stephen: YES, YES, YES.
>> NO, IT'S REALLY GOOD.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY ABOUT IT.
>> Stephen: DID PURDUE KNOW IT WAS ADDICTIVE?
>> WELL, I MEAN, THERE'S CURRENTLY A LAWSUITS GOING ON
RIGHT NOW THAT-- AND IT'S IN FLUX FOR A MINUTE, AND I CAN'T
QUITE GET INTO THAT.
BUT IF YOU ASK ME, OF COURSE THEY DID.
YEAH, THEY DID -- >> Stephen: BUT THEY TOLD
DOCTORS IT WASN'T, RIGHT?
>> YES, THEY BASICALLY SOLD IT BY SAYING IT'S NOT--
TECHNICALLY, THEY PROBABLY WORDED THINGS IN A WAY WHERE YOU
COULD SAY, "WELL, THEY REALLY SAY THIS.
THEY DIDN'T REALLY SAY THAT."
BUT, YES, THEY KNEW, AND THAT WAS THE IDEA.
THEY SAW-- THEY SAW-- THEY KNEW IT COULD BE A GOLD MINE.
THEY WERE ALREADY, YOU KNOW, BILLIONAIRES, BUT THEY KNEW THIS
WAS A GOLD MINE.
THIS WAS A GAME CHANGER FOR THEM.
>> Stephen: AND EVEN THOUGH THERE HAVE BEEN JUDGMENTS
AGAINST THEM, IT'S A DROP IN THE BUCKET OF THE MONEY THEY MADE.
>> YES, NOTHING, NOTHING, RIGHT.
CORRECT.
AND SO, AND NOW, IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN-- DON'T HOLD ME TO
THIS-- BUT-- DON'T ALSO HOLD ME TO THE TATTOO ON MIKE PENCE'S
BACK.
( LAUGHTER ) NO, I'M PRETTY SURE-- ANYWAY,
YOU-- THEY-- THE VERDICT WAS WE'LL SETTLE IF WE ARE IMMUNE
FROM ANY OTHER LAWSUITS IN THIS AREA, AND IT LOOKED LIKE IT WAS
GOING TO HAPPEN.
AND IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN, I'M NOT SURE, I THINK IT GOT TO A
CERTAIN LEVEL, AND A JUDGE SAID, MAYBE NOT.
WAIT A MINUTE, THAT MIGHT NOT BE TRUE.
>> Stephen: THAT SOUNDS LIKE TOO SWEET OF A DEAL.
>> YEAH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE TOO SWEET OF A DEAL.
NONETHELESS, THE DAMAGE DONE WON'T BE MUCH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> Stephen: COMPARED TO THE DAMAGE THEY DID WITH THEIR
DRUGS.
>> AND IT'S EXPONENTIAL.
THAT KIND OF STUFF-- I HAVE A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP TO IT.
YOU PROBABLY KNOW SOMEBODY WHO KNOWS SOMEBODY WHO KNOWS
SOMEBODY.
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANY OF THE OXYCONTIN-- OXY
PRODUCTS PRESCRIBED TO YOU?
>> I DON'T TAKE STUFF.
I RIDE IT OUT.
IF IF I HAVE AN OPERATION, I'LL TAKE A LOT OF HEAVY, HEAVY
ADVIL.
BUT I GET REALLY DEPRESSED, FRANKLY, IF I TAKE THOSE THINGS.
I DON'T DO THEM.
I CAN'T DO IT.
BUT IT'S-- THEY HAND THEM OUT LIKE CANDY.
BUT WE'RE SPECIFICALLY TALKING NOW ABOUT PURDUE PHARMA,
SACKLERS, AND-- AND THIS REGION IN THIS STORY, BUT IT REALLY
REPRESENTS-- YOU KNOW, IT'S THE MICRO OF THE MACRO.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
WHEN I DID "CLEAN AND SOBER," WHAT I REALLY REALIZED IS, FIRST
OF ALL, IT'S A DISEASE.
YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW, TO LOOK DOWN UPON PEOPLE WHO ARE ADDICTED TO
ANYTHING, IT'S A DISEASE.
I THINK WE ALL-- HOPEFULLY WE ALL KNOW THAT BY NOW.
BUT WHAT I LEARNED IN "CLEAN AND SOBER" WAS I JUST KIND OF GOT
LUCKY I THINK.
YOU KNOW, I JUST EITHER DIDN'T GET THAT GENE OR SOMEWHERE IN MY
HEAD SOMETHING CLICKED AT THE RIGHT TIME.
BECAUSE I WAS AROUND-- I'VE SEEN A LOT OF STUFF, YOU KNOW.
A LOT OF STUFF.
AND FOR WHATEVER REASON YOU AND I GO, "OKAY, DODGED THAT ONE."
>> Stephen: YES.
>> BUT WE'RE FORTUNATE, REALLY.
>> Stephen: RIGHT, THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD.
>> THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD.
>> SANT FRANCIS.
>> Stephen: MICHAEL, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
"DOPESICK" PREMIERES OCTOBER 13 ON HULU.
IT'S MICHAEL KEATON, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY ZAC BROWN BAND.
>> THE VERSION OF FACEBOOK THAT IS TODAY IS TEARING OUR
SOCIETY'S APART AND CAUSING ETHNIC VIOLENCE AROUND THE
WORLD.
>> OH, WE SHOULD LAY OFF THESE FOLKS.
SURE, THEY HAVE THEIR PROBLEM, BUT THEY IMPROVE THE LIVES OF SO
MANY OF US AROUND THE GLOF.
>> THIS IS A MESSAGE FROM A BOX THAT WAS SLOTTED WITH FACEBOOK
INCITED MASSACRES.
>> Stephen: PERFORMING, "OUT IN THE MIDDLE" FROM THEIR NEW
ALBUM, "THE COMEBACK," ZAC BROWN BAND!
( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ THERE'S AN OLD ROUTE TWO-LANE
TAKING OUT PAST WHERE ♪ THE RADIO JUST CAN'T
PASS A RIVERBED ♪ WITH A ROPE SWING
AND A MAILBOX PAINTED ALL ♪ JOHN DEERE GREEN
THE END OF A BUNCH OF ♪ GRAVEL DRIVEWAY
OUT HERE DOING OUR OWN THING ♪ OUT IN THE MIDDLE WHERE THE
HARD WORK MEETS HARD LIVING ♪ OUT IN THE MIDDLE WHERE
WE'RE GROWN 'TIL WE'RE GONE, ♪ GOD WILLING
JUST SOME GOOD OLD BOYS ♪ AND GOOD OLD GIRLS
HUNTING RED DIRT DREAMS ♪ IN A CONCRETE WORLD
GETTING BY ON JUST A LITTLE, ♪ OUT IN THE MIDDLE
COME FRIDAY, WE COME UNDONE ♪ STAY, HAVE A LITTLE LIKE A
HIGHLIGHT NEON ♪ BARELY HANGING ON LIKE
SHELVING A POLE BAR ♪ YOU CAN HEAR HANK CLEAR
'CROSS THE NEXT FARM ♪ CITY FOLKS SAY WE'RE CRAZY
BUT THEY AIN'T NEVER BEEN WAY ♪ OUT IN THE MIDDLE WHERE THE
HARD WORK MEETS HARD LIVING ♪ OUT IN THE MIDDLE WHERE
WE'RE GROWN 'TIL WE'RE GONE, ♪ GOD WILLING
JUST SOME GOOD OLD BOYS ♪ AND GOOD OLD GIRLS
HUNTING RED DIRT DREAMS ♪ IN A CONCRETE WORLD
GETTING BY ON JUST A LITTLE ♪ OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE,
THAT'S WHERE ♪ I WANNA BE
AND THE OLD OAK SHADE ♪ BY THE FAMILY GRAVES
WITH THE SOUTHERN GROUND ALL DAY ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ OUT IN THE MIDDLE WHERE THE HARD WORK MEETS HARD LIVING
♪ OUT IN THE MIDDLE WHERE WE'RE GROWN 'TIL WE'RE GONE,
♪ GOD WILLING JUST SOME GOOD OLD BOYS
♪ AND GOOD OLD GIRLS HUNTING RED DIRT DREAMS
♪ IN A CONCRETE WORLD GETTING BY ON JUST A LITTLE,
♪ OUT IN THE MIDDLE ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: ZAC BROWN BAND,
EVERYBODY!
THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE BRET BAIER AND SUSIE
ESSMAN.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.