1 00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:06,439 >> IT'S THE AMAZON ASTRO, KIND OF LIKE AN ALEXA ON WHEELS THAT 2 00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:07,674 CAN FOLLOW YOU AROUND THE HOUSE. 3 00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:12,078 YOU CAN HAVE IT SPY ON THE DOGS IN A SPECIFIC ROOM AND SEE THE 4 00:00:12,145 --> 00:00:13,380 LIVESTREAM ALL ON YOUR PHONE. 5 00:00:13,446 --> 00:00:18,451 >> HERE AT AMAZON, WE BELIEVE TOMORROW IS TODAY. 6 00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:22,389 THAT'S WHY OUR PRODUCT ENGINEERS HAVE CREATED THE MOST FUTURISTIC 7 00:00:22,455 --> 00:00:25,458 NEW WAY TO TERRIFY YOUR DOG. 8 00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:28,528 INTRODUCING THE AMAZON ASTRO. 9 00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:32,031 VACUUM CLEANERS AND BLENDERS ARE NOW POOCH PETRIFIERS OF THE 10 00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:33,199 PAST. 11 00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:37,470 THE ALL-NEW AMAZON ASTRO IS DESIGNED SPECIFICALLY TO CAUSE 12 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:42,475 INTENSE EMOTIONAL ANGUISH FOR CANINES-- BIG, SMALL, AND 13 00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,477 INBRED. 14 00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:49,182 >> Astro: HEY, SPOT, DO YOU WANT TO SEE SOMETHING COOL? 15 00:00:49,249 --> 00:00:53,486 >> USING SIMULTANEOUSLY LOCALIZED MAPPING, ASTRO CAN 16 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:57,056 PINPOINT NEARBY PETS, NO MATTER HOW SKILLED THEY ARE AT HIDING. 17 00:00:57,123 --> 00:01:02,429 ONCE DETECTED, ASTRO WILL GO INTO TORMENT MODE, LAUNCHING A 18 00:01:02,495 --> 00:01:05,432 FULL-SCALE HARASSMENT CAMPAIGN OF YOUR POOCH. 19 00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:08,101 SURE, ASTRO DOES OTHER THINGS LIKE MAKE VIDEO CALLS AND ANSWER 20 00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:13,440 QUESTIONS, BUT MOSTLY, IT WILL WASN'T YOUR DOG'S DREAMS. 21 00:01:13,506 --> 00:01:18,645 AMAZON ASTRO: TREATING DOGS JUST AS WELL AS OUR EMPLOYEES. 22 00:01:18,711 --> 00:01:20,713 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 23 00:01:28,521 --> 00:01:32,459 TONIGHT: AND STEPHEN GOES TO MILWAUKEE TO 24 00:01:32,525 --> 00:01:33,326 APOLOGIZE. 25 00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:39,532 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: REBECCA FERGUSON 26 00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:46,840 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 27 00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:49,242 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 28 00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:53,179 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 29 00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:54,414 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 30 00:01:54,481 --> 00:01:59,285 >> Stephen: HEY! 31 00:01:59,352 --> 00:01:59,919 HEY! 32 00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:01,254 WATCH YOUR HEAD ON THAT ONE. 33 00:02:01,321 --> 00:02:04,624 HEY, SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE. 34 00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:11,097 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) COME ON! 35 00:02:11,164 --> 00:02:12,031 YOU LIKED THAT? 36 00:02:12,098 --> 00:02:13,666 WHY NOT? 37 00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:15,869 >> Audience: STEPHEN! 38 00:02:15,935 --> 00:02:16,169 STEPHEN! 39 00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:16,769 STEPHEN. 40 00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:18,171 >> Stephen: NICE AND WARM. 41 00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:19,706 LOOKING GOOD. 42 00:02:19,772 --> 00:02:22,141 HEY, EVERYBODY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 43 00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:23,076 OH, HOW NICE. 44 00:02:23,142 --> 00:02:24,010 OH, I'VE MISSED IT. 45 00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:26,079 THANK YOU, EVERYBODY. 46 00:02:26,145 --> 00:02:27,447 NICE TO SEE MY FRIEND OVER HERE. 47 00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:28,147 WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 48 00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:29,282 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 49 00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:30,450 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 50 00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:31,117 YOU CAN FEEL IT. 51 00:02:31,184 --> 00:02:34,454 YOU CAN FEEL IT IN THE ROOM. 52 00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:35,922 EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS IS FRIDAY, OKAY. 53 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,591 YOU CAN FEEL THAT IN THE ROOM. 54 00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:40,226 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 55 00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:42,462 IN FACT-- AND THIS IS TRUE, IT'S OUR FIRST FRIDAY SHOW IN A 56 00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:44,531 WHILE, ALMOST 20 MONTHS, SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 57 00:02:44,597 --> 00:02:49,802 YOU SEE, FOR-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 58 00:02:49,869 --> 00:02:52,739 HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED: FOR OVER A YEAR AND A HALF NOW CBS HAS 59 00:02:52,805 --> 00:02:56,476 UNDERSTOOD THE EXTRAORDINARY EFFORT IT TAKES TO DELIVER THIS 60 00:02:56,543 --> 00:03:02,482 SHOW EVERY WEEK DURING COVID. 61 00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:03,683 SO, THEY LET US NOT DO FRIDAYS. 62 00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,018 AND I'D LIKE TO THANK THEM FOR THEIR ENDLESS PATIENCE, WHICH 63 00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:08,421 HAS COME TO AN END. 64 00:03:08,488 --> 00:03:10,657 EVIDENTLY, THE PANDEMIC'S OVER, BECAUSE HERE I AM! 65 00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:14,694 ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 66 00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,062 IT WAS A GOOD RUN. 67 00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:20,567 WE HAD A GOOD RUN THERE FOR A WHILE. 68 00:03:20,633 --> 00:03:25,038 ( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 69 00:03:25,104 --> 00:03:26,472 I HOPE IT ACTUALLY IS OVER SOON, BECAUSE THE PANDEMIC HAS REALLY 70 00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:31,778 CUT DOWN ON OUR ABILITY TO TRAVEL. 71 00:03:31,844 --> 00:03:37,183 MOST NOTABLY, AMERICANS ARE TAKING FEWER TRIPS TO BONE-TOWN. 72 00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:41,054 A RECENT STUDY SHOWED THAT IN THE LAST YEAR, 78% OF PEOPLE SAW 73 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:44,457 A CHANGE IN THEIR SEX LIFE "USUALLY FOR THE WORSE." 74 00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:48,928 ( LAUGHTER ) REALLY, "USUALLY"? 75 00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:50,430 I WANT TO MEET THE PEOPLE WHO FOUND COVID MADE THEIR SEX LIVES 76 00:03:50,496 --> 00:03:52,131 BETTER. 77 00:03:52,198 --> 00:03:53,433 ( SEXILY ) "OH, BABY, I WANT YOU TO WIPE ME 78 00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:55,435 DOWN LIKE A CAN OF CHICKPEAS. " ( LAUGHTER ) 79 00:03:55,501 --> 00:04:01,207 ( APPLAUSE ) MMM! 80 00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:03,276 NOW-- I'M COMING OVER, BUT I'LL WEAR A MASK. 81 00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:08,481 GUESS WHERE? 82 00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:10,083 ( LAUGHTER ) THINGS ARE ESPECIALLY DIFFICULT 83 00:04:10,149 --> 00:04:13,519 FOR FOLKS RECOVERING FROM THE VIRUS, BECAUSE SEX DRIVES MAY 84 00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:17,924 FLUCTUATE DUE TO LONG COVID. 85 00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:18,791 BUT, GUYS, DON'T WORRY. 86 00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:20,693 THE LENGTH OF YOUR COVID DOESN'T MATTER. 87 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,996 IT'S REALLY-- ( LAUGHTER ) 88 00:04:23,062 --> 00:04:24,263 ( APPLAUSE ) DOESN'T. 89 00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:27,767 IT DOESN'T. 90 00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:33,573 IT'S REALLY-- IT'S REALLY MORE THE GIRTH OF YOUR COVID. 91 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,041 LUCKILY, ONE DOCTOR HAD THESE ENCOURAGING WORDS: "PEOPLE WITH 92 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,443 ALL SORTS OF PHYSICAL DISABILITIES HAVE SEX, AND LONG 93 00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:41,414 COVID IS A PHYSICAL DISABILITY. 94 00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:45,785 THEY MAY NOT BE HAVING HANGING-FROM-THE-CHANDELIER SEX, 95 00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:46,986 BUT THEY CAN STILL HAVE SEX." 96 00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:51,858 ( LAUGHTER ) HANGING FROM CHANDELIERS? 97 00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:55,028 I GUESS I'VE HAD LONG COVID MY ENTIRE LIFE. 98 00:04:55,094 --> 00:04:58,097 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 99 00:04:58,164 --> 00:05:01,067 I DON'T-- I DON'T-- NEVER HAD THAT. 100 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,902 >> HANGING FROM THE CHANDELIER. 101 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:07,006 >> Stephen: I ONCE LEANED ON A SCONCE? 102 00:05:07,073 --> 00:05:09,509 DOES THAT COUNT? 103 00:05:09,575 --> 00:05:13,212 ( LAUGHTER ) NEARLY HALF-- NEARLY HALF OF THE 104 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,014 PEOPLE-- ( APPLAUSE ) 105 00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:18,284 NEARLY HALF OF PEOPLE SURVEYED SAID THAT THEY PUT ON WEIGHT 106 00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:22,121 DURING THE LOCKDOWN, AND 29% SAID THEY DRANK MORE. 107 00:05:22,188 --> 00:05:30,229 WHEREAS, THE OTHER 71% ARE LIARS. 108 00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:36,335 THAT'S A FRIDAY AUDIENCE RIGHT THERE. 109 00:05:36,402 --> 00:05:38,204 NOW THAT THINGS ARE OPENING UP AGAIN, IT SEEMS LIKE WE'VE 110 00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:39,305 FORGOTTEN HOW TO ACT AROUND OTHERS, BECAUSE ADULTS ARE 111 00:05:39,372 --> 00:05:41,574 THROWING TANTRUMS IN RESTAURANTS, PLANES, AND AT 112 00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:42,809 HOME. 113 00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:44,510 PSYCHOLOGISTS ARE BLAMING THESE PUBLIC FREAK-OUTS ON UNUSUALLY 114 00:05:44,577 --> 00:05:47,013 HIGH LEVELS OF COVID-RELATED STRESS, SAYING IT'S GETTING 115 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,949 HARDER TO MUSTER EMPATHY OR REGULATE OUR KNEE-JERK 116 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,017 REACTIONS. 117 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:53,886 NO IT'S NOT! 118 00:05:53,953 --> 00:05:54,987 YOU'RE A KNEE-JERK, YOU STUPID-FACE GUY! 119 00:05:55,054 --> 00:05:58,858 I'M SORRY. 120 00:05:58,925 --> 00:05:59,625 I'M SORRY. 121 00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:02,128 I DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT CAME FROM. 122 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,330 ( LAUGHTER ) FOLKS WORKING IN SERVICE 123 00:06:04,397 --> 00:06:06,299 INDUSTRIES ARE IN THE DIRECT LINE OF FIRE, WITH A REPORT 124 00:06:06,365 --> 00:06:10,169 SAYING THAT IN THE LAST YEAR MORE THAN 60% OF RESTAURANT 125 00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:15,007 WORKERS SAID THEY SUFFERED FROM EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND DISRESPECT 126 00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:16,676 FROM CUSTOMERS, LEADING OLIVE GARDEN TO CHANGE ITS SLOGAN 127 00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:18,778 TO, "WHEN YOU'RE HERE, YOU'RE DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY." 128 00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:20,279 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 129 00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:31,991 NOW, UNLIMITED-- UNLIMITED BREAD STICKS STILL, THOUGH. 130 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,460 CUSTOMERS ARE ALSO GETTING TESTY ON PLANES, THE RESTAURANTS OF 131 00:06:34,527 --> 00:06:35,528 THE SKIES. 132 00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:39,031 THE FEDERAL AVIATION ADMINISTRATION SAID IT'S ISSUED 133 00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:41,434 MORE THAN $1 MILLION IN FINES TO UNRULY AIRLINE PASSENGERS SO FAR 134 00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:42,568 IN 2021. 135 00:06:42,635 --> 00:06:47,039 AT SOME POINT, THEY'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO INCORPORATE 136 00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:52,745 THIS INTO THEIR FEE STRUCTURE: "ATTENTION, PASSENGERS, OUR 137 00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:54,347 FLIGHT CREW IS COMING AROUND WITH SNACK BOXES FOR PURCHASE. 138 00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:58,551 IF YOU'D LIKE TO SCREAM OBSCENITIES AT SOMEONE WHOSE JOB 139 00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:00,319 IT IS TO HELP YOU SURVIVE A CRASH, THAT WILL BE $50. 140 00:07:00,386 --> 00:07:01,454 WE TAKE ALL MAJOR CREDIT CARDS." 141 00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:02,989 ( LAUGHTER ). 142 00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:06,025 ♪ ♪ ♪ AMERICAN AIRLINES IS TRYING TO-- 143 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:13,599 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: YEAH, YEAH, BABY. 144 00:07:13,666 --> 00:07:17,170 >> Stephen: AMERICAN AIRLINES IS TRYING TO QUELL TANTRUMS BY 145 00:07:17,236 --> 00:07:19,772 EXTENDING ITS BAN ON ALCOHOL IN THE MAIN CABIN UNTIL 2022. 146 00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:22,909 ( BOOING ) THAT WILL WORK! 147 00:07:22,975 --> 00:07:30,950 UNLESS PASSENGERS NOW FIGURE OUT HOW TO ORDER ALCOHOL INSIDE THE 148 00:07:31,017 --> 00:07:31,984 AIRPORT. 149 00:07:32,051 --> 00:07:33,586 COVID CAN HAVE SOME UNPREDICTABLE SYMPTOMS, AND WE 150 00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:35,254 JUST LEARNED ABOUT A NEW ONE, BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME 151 00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:42,328 EVER, A COVID PATIENT HAS BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH "RESTLESS ANAL 152 00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:46,933 SYNDROME." 153 00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:48,334 NOW, I HEAR YOU ASKING, "STEPHEN, WHAT IS A RESTLESS 154 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,937 ANUS?" APPARENTLY, IT WAS EXPERIENCED 155 00:07:51,003 --> 00:07:51,938 BY THE 77-YEAR OLD PATIENT AS "DEEP ANAL DISCOMFORT, WHICH 156 00:07:52,004 --> 00:07:58,945 GAVE HIM AN ESSENTIAL URGE TO MOVE". 157 00:07:59,011 --> 00:08:02,882 BY THE WAY, "ESSENTIAL URGE TO MOVE" WAS JAMES BROWN'S LEAST- 158 00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:03,883 POPULAR ALBUM. 159 00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:09,856 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 160 00:08:09,922 --> 00:08:12,892 ♪ ♪ ♪ COVID HAS LEAD TO A SERIES OF 161 00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:15,661 WEIRD PRODUCT SHORTAGES OUT THERE, FROM TOILET PAPER TO 162 00:08:15,728 --> 00:08:17,063 KETCHUP PACKETS. 163 00:08:17,129 --> 00:08:19,298 BUT IT LOOKS LIKE WE JUST GOT THE STRANGEST, BECAUSE, LADIES 164 00:08:19,365 --> 00:08:21,767 AND GENTLEMEN THERE IS A CLOWN SHORTAGE IN NORTHERN IRELAND. 165 00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:25,204 DEVASTATING. 166 00:08:25,271 --> 00:08:26,239 ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING. 167 00:08:26,305 --> 00:08:27,406 I THINK I CAN SAY WITH CONFIDENCE THAT THIS IS THE 168 00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:29,775 BIGGEST CRISIS TO EVER HIT NORTHERN IRELAND. 169 00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:33,746 ( LAUGHTER ) APPARENTLY, A LOT OF NORTHERN 170 00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:36,883 IRELAND'S CLOWNS WERE IMMIGRANTS, AND WHEN THE 171 00:08:36,949 --> 00:08:37,917 PANDEMIC LOCKDOWN HIT, MANY RETURNED TO THEIR HOME 172 00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:41,687 COUNTRIES. 173 00:08:41,754 --> 00:08:44,290 IT WAS EASY: THEY ALL PILED INTO ONE TINY PLANE. 174 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:47,693 ( APPLAUSE ) SPEAKING OF CLOWNS, THE 175 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:51,864 GOVERNMENT IS TOSSING A BUNCH OF FOLKS WHO TRIED TO OVERTHROW 176 00:08:51,931 --> 00:09:00,206 DEMOCRACY ON JANUARY 6 IN JAIL. 177 00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,741 I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN THE LATEST EDITION OF 178 00:09:01,807 --> 00:09:03,009 "SEDITIONIST ROUND-UP ROUNDUP." 179 00:09:03,075 --> 00:09:09,882 >> I CANT BULL-EIVE DA-MOO-CRACY IS COW-LAPSING. 180 00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:14,587 >> Stephen: FIRST UP, WE HAVE AN UPDATE FOR A ROUNDUP ALL-STAR. 181 00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:17,890 PENNSYLVANIA PIZZA SHOP OWNER AND ALPHA KAREN, PAULINE BAUER, 182 00:09:17,957 --> 00:09:22,361 SEEN HERE DEMANDING TO SPEAK TO THE CAPITOL BUILDING'S MANAGER. 183 00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:24,897 BAUER SAYS SHE'S A "SOVEREIGN CITIZEN," SOMETHING THAT DOES 184 00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:28,701 NOT EXIST BUT THAT SHE SAYS MEANS SHE IS DIVINELY EMPOWERED 185 00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:34,907 TO BE IMMUNE FROM LAWS. 186 00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:35,975 HAS SHE READ THE BIBLE? 187 00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:37,076 THAT THING IS NOTHING BUT LAWS. 188 00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:39,312 MOSES DIDN'T COME DOWN THE MOUNTAIN WITH "THE TEN WEIRD 189 00:09:39,378 --> 00:09:41,180 TIPS TO HELP YOU LOSE BELLY FAT." 190 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:45,017 ( APPLAUSE ) DOCTORS HATE HIM. 191 00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:45,751 >> Jon: OH, YEAH. 192 00:09:45,818 --> 00:09:50,890 >> Stephen: DOCTORS HATE HIM. 193 00:09:50,957 --> 00:09:54,160 BAUER IS REPRESENTING HERSELF IN COURT AND HAS BEEN THROWING 194 00:09:54,226 --> 00:09:55,328 BIBLE VERSES AT THE JUDGE. 195 00:09:55,394 --> 00:09:58,998 LAST WEEK, THE JUDGE THREW ONE BACK: "ROMANS 13: LET EVERY 196 00:09:59,065 --> 00:10:02,902 PERSON BE SUBJECT TO THE GOVERNING AUTHORITIES." 197 00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:09,709 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OKAY. 198 00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:12,945 BUT BAUER'S RESPONSE? 199 00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:14,213 "I AM NOT A PERSON." 200 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,983 ( LAUGHTER ) SHE THEN UNZIPPED HER SKIN SUIT 201 00:10:17,049 --> 00:10:20,219 AND, 15 RABID RACCOONS JUMPED OUT. 202 00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:26,959 ( APPLAUSE ) NEXT UP, NEXT UP ON THE ROUNDUP, 203 00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:30,096 A DINGUS WHO DECIDED TO STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GOVERNMENT 204 00:10:30,162 --> 00:10:31,364 OVERTHROW FOR SOME REFRESHMENT. 205 00:10:31,430 --> 00:10:34,967 ANDREW ERICSON OF OKLAHOMA STOLE A BEER FROM HOUSE SPEAKER NANCY 206 00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:37,069 PELOSI. 207 00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:41,173 WELL, IT'S NO SURPRISE THAT NANCY PELOSI HAS BEER IN HER 208 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,274 OFFICE. 209 00:10:42,341 --> 00:10:46,946 WE ALL KNOW THE HAT SHE WORE AT BIDEN'S INAUGURATION. 210 00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:49,582 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 211 00:10:49,648 --> 00:10:50,983 MY GUEST STARS IN THE NEW SCIENCE FICTION EPIC FILM, 212 00:10:51,050 --> 00:10:54,220 "DUNE," REBECCA FERGUSON. 213 00:10:54,286 --> 00:10:55,488 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I TRAVEL TO MILWAUKEE TO BEG FOR THEIR 214 00:10:55,554 --> 00:10:58,257 FORGIVENESS. 215 00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,659 STICK AROUND. 216 00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:02,728 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 217 00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:44,970 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 218 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:47,973 SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 219 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,975 THE BAND WITH THE PLAN. 220 00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:54,980 THE BAND THAT CAN FOLKS, I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH YOU 221 00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,850 REMEMBER ABOUT THE 2020 ELECTION SEASON, BUT LAST SUMMER, THE 222 00:11:57,917 --> 00:12:01,720 DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE PLACE IN 223 00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:02,955 THE GREAT CITY OF MILWAUKEE. 224 00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:05,257 HOWEVER, DUE TO THE PANDEMIC, THE D.N.C. WENT ENTIREL 225 00:12:05,324 --> 00:12:08,594 VIRTUAL AT THE LAST MINUTE. 226 00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:10,696 SO WE HERE AT "THE LATE SHOW" PUT TOGETHER A VIRTUAL TOUR OF 227 00:12:10,763 --> 00:12:16,268 MILWAUKEE WITH JOKES ABOUT DRINKING VIRTUAL BEER AND 228 00:12:16,335 --> 00:12:17,536 GOING TO A VIRTUAL TAILGATE. 229 00:12:17,603 --> 00:12:22,241 UNFORTUNATELY, MILWAUKEE DID NOT FIND IT EVEN "VIRTUALLY" FUNNY. 230 00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:29,482 ( LAUGHTER ) I FELT TERRIBLE ABOUT IT, SO I 231 00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:30,950 WENT ON THE AIR AND ISSUED A SINCERE APOLOGY, WHERE I TOOK 232 00:12:31,016 --> 00:12:38,424 FULL RESPONSIBILITY BY BLAMING IT ALL ON MY WRITER GABE, WHO 233 00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:42,895 WROTE ALL THE JOKES ABOUT MILWAUKEE DIDN'T LIKE. 234 00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:46,198 AND THIS IS HOW NICE MILWAUKEEANS ARE: THE MILWAUKEE 235 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,267 BREWERS INVITED ME TO ATTEND A GAME, AS SOON AS THEY WERE BACK 236 00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:52,238 IN THE STADIUM. 237 00:12:52,304 --> 00:12:59,945 AND I SAID I WOULD LOVE TO, ON ONE CONDITION: 238 00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:02,848 ON ONE CONDITION: I GET TO RUN IN ONE OF YOUR SAUSAGE RACES. 239 00:13:02,915 --> 00:13:04,250 WELL, I'M HAPPY TO SAY THAT THE BREWERS MET MY DEMAND, AND I 240 00:13:04,316 --> 00:13:05,518 RECENTLY TRAVELLED TO MILWAUKEE TO APOLOGIZE TO THE 241 00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:07,353 CITY IN PERSON. 242 00:13:07,419 --> 00:13:12,858 BEAUTIFUL MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN, CREAM ITY, THE BIG CHEESY, HOME 243 00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:17,329 TO THE CHAMPION MILWAUKEE BUCS, AND THE DIVISION CHAMP BREWERS, 244 00:13:17,396 --> 00:13:20,733 WHO INVITED ME TO TAKE PART IN THEIR HISTORIC SAUSAGE RACE. 245 00:13:20,799 --> 00:13:28,941 I WAS GRATEFUL FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO ADDRESS THE CROWD 246 00:13:29,008 --> 00:13:31,944 AND MAKE PEACE WITH THET WONDERFUL PEOPLE OF MILWAUKEE 247 00:13:32,011 --> 00:13:34,446 AFTER THE THOUGHTLESS JOKES I HAD MADE ABOUT THEIR CITY. 248 00:13:34,513 --> 00:13:42,321 >> PLEASE JOIN THE BREWERS IN WELCOMING THE HOST OF "THE LATE 249 00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:44,657 SHOW,"" STEPHEN COLBERT ( BOOING ). 250 00:13:44,723 --> 00:13:47,893 >> Stephen: WINNING THEM OVER WASN'T GOING TO BE EASY. 251 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:54,033 FORTUNATELY, I HAD A PLAN. 252 00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:57,036 I KNEW IF I WAS GOING TO APOLOGIZE TO MILWAUKEE, I NEEDED 253 00:13:57,102 --> 00:13:58,571 TO BRING SOME BEER. 254 00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:04,443 SO I STARTED MY DAY AT MILLER BREWING, WHERE I HEAD WITH HEAD 255 00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:09,248 BREW MASTER TROY REISWICK, TO BREW MY VERY OWN APOLOGY BEER. 256 00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:10,916 SO MY GOAL IS TO MAKE A BEER GOOD ENOUGH SO THE PEOPLE OF 257 00:14:10,983 --> 00:14:12,117 MILWAUKEE FORGIVE ME. 258 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:16,422 >> Stephen: CAN WE CREATE A BEER THAT ERASES REGRETS INSTEAD 259 00:14:16,488 --> 00:14:17,256 OF CAUSING THEM. 260 00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:19,758 >> I THINK WE CAN MAKE A BALANCE BEER. 261 00:14:19,825 --> 00:14:23,862 WE WOULD HAVE TO BALANCE SOME OF THE COMPONENT WITH HAPPY YEAST. 262 00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:25,798 >> Stephen: MAO DO YOU MAKE YEAST HAPPY? 263 00:14:25,864 --> 00:14:29,034 >> YOU FEED IS THE RIGHT FOOD AND TREAT IT RIGHT. 264 00:14:29,101 --> 00:14:32,037 >> Stephen: DOES IT GET AN INFECTION? 265 00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:35,174 >> THERE'S THE BACTERIA, SO WE HAVE TO WATCH OUT FOR THAT. 266 00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:38,811 >> Stephen: YEAH, CRANBERRY JUICE. 267 00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:40,045 TROY, LET'S MAKE SOME BEER. 268 00:14:40,112 --> 00:14:44,250 AFTER DONNING SOME LITERAL BEER GOGGLES, THE FIRST STEP WAS TO 269 00:14:44,316 --> 00:14:46,318 DUMP THE HOPS IN THE KETTLE. 270 00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:46,719 WOW. 271 00:14:46,785 --> 00:14:47,219 THERE YOU GO. 272 00:14:47,286 --> 00:14:48,387 >> EXCELLENT, GREAT. 273 00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:52,691 .>> Stephen: NOW, BEFORE YOU CLOSE IT, TROY, CAN I DROP ONE 274 00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:56,662 SINGLE TEAR IN THERE SO THAT PEOPLE IN MILWAUKEE KNOW THAT 275 00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:57,229 I'M REALLY SORRY? 276 00:14:57,296 --> 00:14:58,397 >> ALL RIGHT, ONE TEAR. 277 00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:02,067 >> Stephen: SAY SOMETHING MEAN TO ME THAT WILL MAKE ME CRY 278 00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:03,102 ( LAUGHS ). 279 00:15:03,168 --> 00:15:04,970 >> Stephen: JUST SAY SOMETHING-- JUST SAY SOMETHING 280 00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:05,804 MEAN. 281 00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:08,907 >> YOU KNOW, I NEVER LIKED YOUR SHOW. 282 00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:11,110 >> Stephen: WOW! 283 00:15:11,176 --> 00:15:12,077 WOW! 284 00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:14,847 ( APPLAUSE ) THROUGH THE MAGIC OF TV, THE 285 00:15:14,913 --> 00:15:18,017 DISTILLATION PROCESS WAS OVER IN SECONDS, AND MY AMBER BEER WAS 286 00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:18,484 READY. 287 00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:19,318 >> AND THIS IS IT. 288 00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:20,919 >> Stephen: THIS IS THE APOLOGY AMBER? 289 00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:22,354 >> THIS IS THE APOLOGY AMBER. 290 00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:23,489 >> Stephen: WOW. 291 00:15:23,555 --> 00:15:27,860 I GAVE A SAMPLE LIKE THIS ONCE, AND MY DOCTOR SATD I WAS 292 00:15:27,926 --> 00:15:28,494 DEHYDRATED. 293 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:29,428 >> YOU HAVE TO DRINK WATER. 294 00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:30,429 >> Stephen: TO APOLOGIES. 295 00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:32,998 >> TO APOLOGIES. 296 00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:43,042 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 297 00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:48,347 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 298 00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:58,390 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 299 00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:16,108 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 300 00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:21,480 >> Stephen: WHEN IS MILLER TIME? 301 00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:23,482 LET'S GO. 302 00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:28,921 WITH MY APOLOGY AMBERS IN HAND, IT WAS TIME TO HEAD OVER TO 303 00:16:28,987 --> 00:16:30,155 AMERICAN FAMILY FIELD. 304 00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:33,726 BEFORE I SUITED UP FOR THE BIG RACE, I KNEW I HAD TO APOLOGIZE 305 00:16:33,792 --> 00:16:36,595 THE MILWAUKEE WAY-- WITH A TAILGATE PARTY. 306 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:46,105 ALL RIGHT, WHO'S READY TO SEE ME GROVEL! 307 00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:47,906 A LITTLE APOLOGY AMBER. 308 00:16:47,973 --> 00:16:48,674 SO SORRY. 309 00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:50,008 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING. 310 00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:50,676 >> WE FORGIVE YOU. 311 00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:54,513 >> Stephen: THANKS. 312 00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:56,548 DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE ON HOW TO WIN THIS RACE? 313 00:16:56,615 --> 00:17:00,052 >> RUN LIKE YOU'RE A TODDLER AND YOU KNOW IT. 314 00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:00,919 DOES THAT MAKE SENSE. 315 00:17:00,986 --> 00:17:02,621 >> Stephen: I HAVE THE SAME MUSCLE MASS. 316 00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:09,428 ( LAUGHTER ) OKAY, I'M GOING TO BE SPEAKING 317 00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:10,529 TO THE CROWD TONIGHT. 318 00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:15,100 WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO WIN OVER THE PEOPLE OF MILWAUKEE? 319 00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:18,470 IT WILL BE-- >> BUCS IN 6. 320 00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:22,107 >> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT CUBBIES SUCK? 321 00:17:22,174 --> 00:17:23,175 >> YEAH, THAT WILL WORK, TOO. 322 00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:25,978 >> OH! 323 00:17:26,044 --> 00:17:26,612 OH! 324 00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:30,616 ( LAUGHTER ) OH! 325 00:17:30,682 --> 00:17:31,250 FIRST TRY! 326 00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:34,620 FIRST TRY! 327 00:17:34,686 --> 00:17:38,624 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 328 00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:41,293 STEPHEN COLBERT HERE, AND I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I'M 329 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:43,395 RESPONSIBLE FOR THINGS I SAY. 330 00:17:43,462 --> 00:17:46,365 MY WRITERS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT THOSE WORDS MEAN. 331 00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:49,968 I DIDN'T WRITE ANY OF THE JOKES THAT UPSET YOU. 332 00:17:50,035 --> 00:17:55,941 MY WRITER, GABE GROMLEY WROTE THOSE JOKES 333 00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:59,845 ( BOOING ) GABE, ARE YOU FROM WISCONSIN? 334 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:00,913 >> I'M FROM WISCONSIN. 335 00:18:00,979 --> 00:18:02,581 >> SHAME! 336 00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:03,081 SHAME! 337 00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:03,715 SHAME! 338 00:18:03,782 --> 00:18:05,751 >> Stephen: DON'T PUNISH ME. 339 00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:11,023 PUNISH HIM! 340 00:18:11,089 --> 00:18:13,959 >> OH! 341 00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:15,127 OH! 342 00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:16,895 >> Stephen: SIR, WOULD YOU PLEASE TELL THE PEOPLE WHAT YOUR 343 00:18:16,962 --> 00:18:17,329 NAME IS. 344 00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:19,665 >> CAN GRIMILY. 345 00:18:19,731 --> 00:18:21,467 >> Stephen: AND WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO THE WRITER? 346 00:18:21,533 --> 00:18:23,602 >> HE'S MY SON. 347 00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:24,636 >> OH! 348 00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:29,174 OH! 349 00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:29,975 OH! 350 00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:30,742 >> Stephen: DID YOU EVER PLAY BALL? 351 00:18:30,809 --> 00:18:32,044 >> I DID. 352 00:18:32,110 --> 00:18:35,314 >> Stephen: OKAY, OH, OH, SOUTHPAW, THERE YOU GO. 353 00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:35,948 THERE YOU GO. 354 00:18:36,014 --> 00:18:37,716 GOOD LUCK, OKAY. 355 00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:41,286 REMEMBER, YOU CAN'T BE ALLOWED TO GET AWAY WITH THIS. 356 00:18:41,353 --> 00:18:44,456 >> OH! 357 00:18:44,523 --> 00:18:45,591 ( APPLAUSE ). 358 00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:48,160 >> Stephen: GABE HAD LEARNED MY LESSON, AND I HAD LEARNED 359 00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:49,428 PEOPLE ENJOY FREE BEER. 360 00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:54,500 BUT TO TRULY WIN THEM OVER, IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO WIN A SAUSAGE 361 00:18:54,566 --> 00:18:55,067 RACE. 362 00:18:55,133 --> 00:19:00,639 HOW HARD COULD THAT BE? 363 00:19:00,706 --> 00:19:03,942 VERY! 364 00:19:04,009 --> 00:19:06,879 >> Stephen: WHEN WE RETURN-- AND I DON'T WANT TO GET TOO 365 00:19:06,945 --> 00:19:09,882 TECHNICAL HERE, BUT I DRESS UP LIKE A HOT DOG AND RUN AROUND A 366 00:19:09,948 --> 00:19:11,350 BASEBALL FIELD. 367 00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:12,017 STICK AROUND. 368 00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:13,752 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 369 00:19:23,962 --> 00:19:25,898 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 370 00:19:25,964 --> 00:19:27,900 WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW! 371 00:19:27,966 --> 00:19:33,906 FOLKS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WHEN LAST WE LEFT OUR HERO, I 372 00:19:33,972 --> 00:19:37,910 WAS ABOUT TO ENTER MILWAUKEE'S FAMOUS SAUSAGE RACE. 373 00:19:37,976 --> 00:19:39,912 WHAT IS A SAUSAGE RACE, YOU ASK? 374 00:19:39,978 --> 00:19:40,979 WELL, SURPRISINGLY, IT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE. 375 00:19:41,046 --> 00:19:44,917 JIM? 376 00:19:44,983 --> 00:19:50,956 >> ALL RIGHT, FANS, TIME NOW FOR THE JOHNSON VM FAMOUS SAUSAGE 377 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,057 RACE. 378 00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:54,893 >> Stephen: FOR ALMOST 30 YERSZ, THE ICONIC MILWAUKEE 379 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:58,530 BREWERS' SAUSAGE RACE HAS BEEN DELIGHTING BREWERS FANS IN THE 380 00:19:58,597 --> 00:19:59,932 MIDDLE OF THE SIXTH INNING OF EVERY HOME GAME. 381 00:19:59,998 --> 00:20:04,303 THE BRAUTWURST, THE ITALIAN SAUSAGE, THE POLAND SAUSAGE, AND 382 00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:08,040 THE HOT DOG FACE OFF IN AN ALL-OUT COMPETITION OF SPEED, 383 00:20:08,106 --> 00:20:12,144 AGILITY, AND MANY TIMES NEITHER. 384 00:20:12,210 --> 00:20:15,547 >> DOWN GOES FRAZIER! 385 00:20:15,614 --> 00:20:18,050 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> A LITTLE TOP HEAVY. 386 00:20:18,116 --> 00:20:19,251 THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. 387 00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:23,221 >> Stephen: IT'S SO POPULAR, THERE'S EVEN A MINI-SAUSAGE RACE 388 00:20:23,288 --> 00:20:24,356 FOR KIDS ON SUNDAYS. 389 00:20:24,423 --> 00:20:26,625 >> IT'S GOING TO BE THE POLISH SAUSAGE AT THE WIRE. 390 00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:30,195 >> Stephen: IF I WAS GOING TO HAVE ANY SHOT AT WINNING, I 391 00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:31,029 NEEDED PROFESSIONAL ADVICE. 392 00:20:31,096 --> 00:20:32,898 PAT, YOU'RE THE GUY I NEED TO TALK TO. 393 00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:35,767 YOU HAVE THE FRONT-ROW SEAT FOR ALL THE GREAT SAUSAGE RACES. 394 00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:37,603 I HAVE TO BELIEVE YOU HAVE SEEN ALL THE GREATS? 395 00:20:37,669 --> 00:20:38,203 >> I HAVE. 396 00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:40,606 >> Stephen: WHAT DO I DO? 397 00:20:40,672 --> 00:20:46,545 >> DON'T BEAT. 398 00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:48,880 >> >> HAS HE EVER WON? 399 00:20:48,947 --> 00:20:49,715 >> HE DOESN'T WIN. 400 00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:51,650 >> Stephen: I'M SET TO BE THE HOT DOG. 401 00:20:51,717 --> 00:20:53,285 >> I THINK YOU HAVE A SHOT. 402 00:20:53,352 --> 00:21:00,225 >> Stephen: IS IT LEGAL TO SQUIRT MUSTARD IN MY OPPONENT'S 403 00:21:00,292 --> 00:21:01,460 EYES. 404 00:21:01,526 --> 00:21:04,529 >> THIS IS A STRATEGY, AND I WAS HOPING YOU WOULD GET TO THIS. 405 00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:07,933 THEY ARE GOING TO SAY, "ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO." 406 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,770 AND I THINK YOU SHOULD, "ON YOUR MARK, GE--" 407 00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:12,871 >> Stephen: JUST GO FOR IT. 408 00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:17,676 >> THEY'RE NOT GOING TO STOP THE SAUSAGE RACE JUST GO. 409 00:21:17,743 --> 00:21:18,310 LET'S DEMONSTRATE. 410 00:21:18,377 --> 00:21:19,811 I'M RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. 411 00:21:19,878 --> 00:21:20,245 DON'T GO THAT FAST. 412 00:21:20,312 --> 00:21:20,679 SLOW MOTION. 413 00:21:20,746 --> 00:21:21,680 AND I'M COMING. 414 00:21:21,747 --> 00:21:22,681 NO, NO, NO, NO. 415 00:21:22,748 --> 00:21:23,882 >> Stephen: NO? 416 00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:25,217 >> YOU GOTTA LEARN THIS QUICK. 417 00:21:25,283 --> 00:21:26,084 WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME. 418 00:21:26,151 --> 00:21:27,853 >> Stephen: YOU BE ME. 419 00:21:27,919 --> 00:21:28,487 I'M COMING UP ON YOU. 420 00:21:28,553 --> 00:21:31,657 >> YOU'RE COMING TO PASS ME. 421 00:21:31,723 --> 00:21:35,827 AND, SEE, I DON'T BREAK STRIDE. 422 00:21:35,894 --> 00:21:36,361 WHOOSH! 423 00:21:36,428 --> 00:21:36,862 >> Stephen: LIKE THAT. 424 00:21:36,928 --> 00:21:38,497 >> EXACTLY, EXACTLY. 425 00:21:38,563 --> 00:21:40,565 >> Stephen: THEN-- >> DON'T DO THAT? 426 00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:42,501 DON'T DO THAT. 427 00:21:42,567 --> 00:21:44,936 >> DOUBLE GUNS, BABY! 428 00:21:45,003 --> 00:21:51,376 WITH THAT SOUND ADVICE IN HAND MY NEXT STOP WAS BREWER'S STAR 429 00:21:51,443 --> 00:21:53,645 PITCHER, BRETT SOUTER. 430 00:21:53,712 --> 00:21:56,882 I NEED SOME ADVICE, ATHLETE TO ATHLETE, HOW DO YOU PREPARE FOR 431 00:21:56,948 --> 00:21:58,483 A BIG GAME? 432 00:21:58,550 --> 00:22:03,388 THIS IS AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO PLAYING A PROFESSIONAL 433 00:22:03,455 --> 00:22:04,156 SPORT. 434 00:22:04,222 --> 00:22:07,225 >> ARE YOU INTO MEDITATION AT ALL. 435 00:22:07,292 --> 00:22:09,661 >> Stephen: 100%, I LOVE SLEEPING. 436 00:22:09,728 --> 00:22:11,029 >> FOCUS ON THE BREATH. 437 00:22:11,096 --> 00:22:12,264 >> Stephen: SO BREATHE? 438 00:22:12,330 --> 00:22:16,001 >> YES, CLEAR OUT ALL THE BAD THOUGHTS AND DO YOUR BEST NOT TO 439 00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:18,036 FOCUS ON WHAT COULD HAPPEN WITH THE FALL. 440 00:22:18,103 --> 00:22:19,471 JUST DO YOUR BEST. 441 00:22:19,538 --> 00:22:20,005 I'M GOING TO THE ROPE. 442 00:22:20,072 --> 00:22:22,441 I'M GOING TO THE ROPE. 443 00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:23,075 I'M FINISHING. 444 00:22:23,141 --> 00:22:24,476 I'M STAYING ON MY FEET. 445 00:22:24,543 --> 00:22:27,679 >> Stephen: NOW IT CITIES AND TOWNS LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO GET 446 00:22:27,746 --> 00:22:29,014 INTO THE SQUIRREL CAGE. 447 00:22:29,081 --> 00:22:32,384 BRENT TOOK ME OUT TO THE TRACK SO I COULD VISUALIZE THE COURSE. 448 00:22:32,451 --> 00:22:36,988 I'M GOING TO COME AROUND THIS CORNER LIKE A FORMULA ONE RACE 449 00:22:37,055 --> 00:22:37,289 CAR. 450 00:22:37,355 --> 00:22:38,423 >> YES. 451 00:22:38,490 --> 00:22:39,925 >> Stephen: OKAY, I'M GOING TO DRIFT AROUND THIS CORONER? 452 00:22:39,991 --> 00:22:42,861 >> VISUALIZE IT, SEE IS HAPPENING. 453 00:22:42,928 --> 00:22:46,865 >> Stephen: BRENT TAUGHT ME HOW TO STRETCH OUT THE OLD 454 00:22:46,932 --> 00:22:47,532 HAMMY. 455 00:22:47,599 --> 00:22:49,735 >> WE CALL THEM HEEL TOUCHES. 456 00:22:49,801 --> 00:22:50,836 >> Stephen: LIKE THAT? 457 00:22:50,902 --> 00:22:51,570 >> YUP, YUP. 458 00:22:51,636 --> 00:22:56,041 YOU KNOW IT. 459 00:22:56,108 --> 00:22:59,578 BOOM. 460 00:22:59,644 --> 00:23:00,679 ♪ ♪ ♪ MAN, YOU'RE FLEXIBLE. 461 00:23:00,746 --> 00:23:03,381 >> Stephen: I HAVE REAL OPEN HIMSELF. 462 00:23:03,448 --> 00:23:06,485 YEAH, I'LL FULLY DILATED. 463 00:23:06,551 --> 00:23:07,886 I'M GETTING KIND OF TIRED AT THIS POINT. 464 00:23:07,953 --> 00:23:10,922 >> THAT'S PERFECT. 465 00:23:10,989 --> 00:23:12,657 YOU'RE IN A GOOD SPOT. 466 00:23:12,724 --> 00:23:18,663 >> Stephen: ARE YOU SWEATING THIS HARD JUST STRETCHING. 467 00:23:18,730 --> 00:23:19,831 TWO TIMES. 468 00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:22,868 >> HE'S READY, CHAMPION COMING AT YOU, STEPHEN COLBERT, HOT 469 00:23:22,934 --> 00:23:23,235 DOG. 470 00:23:23,301 --> 00:23:23,702 HE'S READY. 471 00:23:23,769 --> 00:23:24,970 >> Stephen: OKAY! 472 00:23:25,036 --> 00:23:27,939 WITH THAT I JUST HAD TO MAKE IT THROUGH SIX INNINGS OF BASEBALL 473 00:23:28,006 --> 00:23:32,744 AND A LOT OF BEER AND SAUSAGE, AND IT WAS TIME TO PUT ON MY 474 00:23:32,811 --> 00:23:34,045 CASING. 475 00:23:34,112 --> 00:23:41,119 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( BELL RINGS ). 476 00:23:41,186 --> 00:23:42,354 >> Stephen: THIS IS THE MOMENT I HAD BEEN TRAINING FOR. 477 00:23:42,420 --> 00:23:46,057 >> IT'S TIME FOR THE JOHNSONVILLE FAMOUS RACING 478 00:23:46,124 --> 00:23:46,925 SAUSAGE RACE. 479 00:23:46,992 --> 00:23:48,660 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: THAT'S ME, NUMBER 480 00:23:48,727 --> 00:23:49,694 4. 481 00:23:49,761 --> 00:23:53,732 >> ALL RIGHT, SAUSAGES, ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO! 482 00:23:53,799 --> 00:23:58,036 >> Stephen: WATCH ME ROCK IT OFF THE STARTING BLOCKS. 483 00:23:58,103 --> 00:23:58,403 AND... 484 00:23:58,470 --> 00:23:59,404 THERE I GO! 485 00:23:59,471 --> 00:24:08,680 ( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 486 00:24:08,747 --> 00:24:15,954 ( PANTING ) BEFORE I EVEN REACHED THE FINISH 487 00:24:16,021 --> 00:24:17,355 LINE, I DEMANDED A REMATCH. 488 00:24:17,422 --> 00:24:18,356 THIS WASN'T FAIR. 489 00:24:18,423 --> 00:24:19,624 EVIDENCE A 57-YEAR-OLD MAN. 490 00:24:19,691 --> 00:24:23,395 THESE PEOPLE WERE ALL SO YOUNG! 491 00:24:23,461 --> 00:24:28,800 OR MAYBE NOT YOUNG ENOUGH. 492 00:24:28,867 --> 00:24:35,407 >> THERE HE IS, THE FIRST ADULT TO RUN IN THE MINI-SAUSAGE RACE. 493 00:24:35,473 --> 00:24:41,379 ♪ ♪ ♪ ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO! 494 00:24:41,446 --> 00:24:51,423 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 495 00:24:51,489 --> 00:24:57,596 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 496 00:25:05,704 --> 00:25:09,541 >> Stephen: I DIDN'T TAKE THE GOLD, BUT I DID MANAGE TO OUTRUN 497 00:25:09,608 --> 00:25:10,609 A FOUR-YEAR-OLD. 498 00:25:10,675 --> 00:25:15,947 BUT FOR SOME REASON, THE CROWD WAS STILL AGAINST ME. 499 00:25:16,014 --> 00:25:20,051 I WAS OUT OF BREATH AND OUT OF SHAPE, BUT NOT OUT OF THE GAME. 500 00:25:20,118 --> 00:25:23,655 THIS HOT DOG HAD ONE LAST TRICK UP HIS BUN. 501 00:25:23,722 --> 00:25:26,124 WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, PANDER. 502 00:25:26,191 --> 00:25:31,529 >> PLEASE JOIN THE BREWERS IN WELCOMING STEPHEN COLBERT! 503 00:25:31,596 --> 00:25:35,400 ( BOOING ) >> FEELS LIKE A ZEALUOUS CAESAR 504 00:25:35,467 --> 00:25:36,601 MOMENT RIGHT HERE. 505 00:25:36,668 --> 00:25:40,171 >> I THINK THEY MIGHT STORM HIM. 506 00:25:40,238 --> 00:25:41,940 >> Stephen: HELLO, MILWAUKEE. 507 00:25:42,007 --> 00:25:46,044 I AM STEPHEN COLBERT, AND I AM SORRY! 508 00:25:46,111 --> 00:25:51,416 ( BOOING ) ON MY SHOW LAST YEAR I TOLD SOME 509 00:25:51,483 --> 00:25:54,019 JOKES ABOUT THIS BEAUTIFUL CITY, BUT I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT 510 00:25:54,085 --> 00:25:57,055 MILWAUKEE IS NO JOKE. 511 00:25:57,122 --> 00:26:04,262 FROM NOW ON, THE ONLY MILWAUKEE JOKE I'M GOING TO MAKE IS KNOCK, 512 00:26:04,329 --> 00:26:04,696 KNOCK. 513 00:26:04,763 --> 00:26:05,964 >> WHO'S THERE! 514 00:26:06,031 --> 00:26:09,401 >> Stephen: THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD! 515 00:26:09,467 --> 00:26:14,239 ( CHEERING ) MILWAUKEE IS FILLED WITH 516 00:26:14,306 --> 00:26:18,743 BOISTEROUS ENERGY AND QUIET DIGNITY, CITIZENS THAT ENJOY 517 00:26:18,810 --> 00:26:22,314 RELAXING ON THE SHORES OF BEAUTIFUL LAKE MICHIGAN AND 518 00:26:22,380 --> 00:26:24,182 POUNDING BEERS AT A STADIUM PARKING LOT. 519 00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:27,953 A CITY KIND ENOUGH TO INVETE ME TO TAKE PART IN YOUR ANCIENT 520 00:26:28,019 --> 00:26:31,489 TRADITION KNOWN AS THE SAUSAGE RACE. 521 00:26:31,556 --> 00:26:35,427 EITHER A TERRIFIC HONOR OR AN ELABORATE PRANK TO GET ME TO 522 00:26:35,493 --> 00:26:37,796 DRESS UP AS A HOT DOG. 523 00:26:37,862 --> 00:26:41,433 CARDS ON THE TABLE, CARDS ON THE TABLE-- I LIVED IN CHICAGO FOR 524 00:26:41,499 --> 00:26:43,501 11 YEARS ( BOOING ) 525 00:26:43,568 --> 00:26:47,439 SO I'M A FAN OF THE CUBBIES, BUT I'M AN EVEN BIGGER FAN OF 526 00:26:47,505 --> 00:26:49,207 GETTING PEOPLE TO LIKE ME. 527 00:26:49,274 --> 00:26:53,278 SO WITH THAT IN MIND, CUBBIES SUCK! 528 00:26:53,345 --> 00:26:56,381 GO, BREWERS! 529 00:26:56,448 --> 00:26:57,716 BUCS IN SIX! 530 00:26:57,782 --> 00:27:01,252 I MAY HAVE COME IN LAST ON THE TRACK, BUT IN THE SAUCE ANNUAL 531 00:27:01,319 --> 00:27:06,124 RACE WE CALL LIFE, I WAS THE WEINER. 532 00:27:06,191 --> 00:27:11,429 THANK YOU, MILWAUKEE. 533 00:27:11,496 --> 00:27:14,065 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU, MILWAUKEE! 534 00:27:14,132 --> 00:27:15,333 AND GOOD LUCK TO THE BREWERS. 535 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,435 I'M SURE YOU'LL DO BETTER IN THE PLAYOFFS THAN I DID IN A HOT DOG 536 00:27:17,502 --> 00:27:19,671 COSTUME. 537 00:27:19,738 --> 00:27:22,841 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STAR OF THE EXTRAORDINARY NEW SCIENCE 538 00:27:22,907 --> 00:27:23,908 FICTION EPIC FILM, "DUNE," REBECCA FERGUSON. 539 00:27:42,994 --> 00:27:43,928 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 540 00:27:43,995 --> 00:27:45,930 WELCOME BACK! 541 00:27:45,997 --> 00:27:52,937 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW MY GUEST TONIGHT FROM "MISSION: 542 00:27:53,004 --> 00:27:55,106 IMPOSSIBLE, "DOCTOR SLEEP," AND "THE GREATEST SHOWMAN." 543 00:27:55,173 --> 00:27:59,677 SHE NOW STARS AS LADY JESSICA IN "DUNE." 544 00:27:59,744 --> 00:28:04,482 >> JESSICA, YOU GAVE ME A SON, AND FROM THE MOMENT HE WAS BORN, 545 00:28:04,549 --> 00:28:05,283 I NEVER QUESTIONED YOU. 546 00:28:05,350 --> 00:28:07,786 I TRUSTED YOU COMPLETELY. 547 00:28:07,852 --> 00:28:11,122 EVEN WHEN YOU WALKED IN SHADOWS. 548 00:28:11,189 --> 00:28:15,026 NOW I'M ASKING YOU THIS ONE THING. 549 00:28:15,093 --> 00:28:20,932 IF ANYTHING HAPPENS, WILL YOU PROTECT OUR SON? 550 00:28:20,999 --> 00:28:21,666 >> WITH MY LIFE. 551 00:28:21,733 --> 00:28:25,503 >> I'M NOT ASKING HIS MOTHER. 552 00:28:25,570 --> 00:28:29,707 I'M ASKING THE BENNET JEZUEIT. 553 00:28:29,774 --> 00:28:37,715 WILL YOU PROTECT PAUL? 554 00:28:37,782 --> 00:28:49,794 >> WHY ARE YOU HAVING THESE THOUGHTS? 555 00:28:49,861 --> 00:28:53,598 BENNET, THIS IS NOT YOU. 556 00:28:53,665 --> 00:28:56,734 >> I THOUGHT WE'D HAVE MORE TIME. 557 00:28:56,801 --> 00:28:59,537 >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME REBECCA FERGUSON! 558 00:28:59,604 --> 00:29:00,405 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 559 00:29:00,472 --> 00:29:10,448 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 560 00:29:10,515 --> 00:29:19,124 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 561 00:29:19,190 --> 00:29:24,529 >> WOW! 562 00:29:24,596 --> 00:29:28,900 >> Stephen: I HAVE SO LOOKED FORWARD TO THIS INTERVIEW. 563 00:29:28,967 --> 00:29:29,868 >> ME, TOO. 564 00:29:29,934 --> 00:29:30,668 LOOK AT ALL THIS. 565 00:29:30,735 --> 00:29:34,139 >> Stephen: I KNOW, ISN'T IT LOVELY? 566 00:29:34,205 --> 00:29:34,672 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 567 00:29:34,739 --> 00:29:35,206 >> IT'S REAL! 568 00:29:35,273 --> 00:29:36,741 >> Stephen: IT'S REAL. 569 00:29:36,808 --> 00:29:37,308 ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS. 570 00:29:37,375 --> 00:29:38,243 >> YOU'RE ACTUALLY HERE. 571 00:29:38,309 --> 00:29:40,678 >> Stephen: I-- I-- I-- WE'VE NEVER BEFORE. 572 00:29:40,745 --> 00:29:41,880 >> WE HAVEN'T. 573 00:29:41,946 --> 00:29:44,082 >> Stephen: I AM A HUGE FAN OF YOUR WORK, AND I'VE NEVER BEEN 574 00:29:44,149 --> 00:29:47,919 MORE EXCITED TO TALK ABOUT A MOVIE. 575 00:29:47,986 --> 00:29:50,522 OOOH, MAYBE EVER, THAN "DUNE." 576 00:29:50,588 --> 00:29:54,225 PEOPLE ASSOCIATE ME WITH "LORD OF THE RINGS." 577 00:29:54,292 --> 00:29:58,396 PEOPLE ASSOCIATE ME WITH "LORD OF THE RINGS" BUT "DUNE" IS 578 00:29:58,463 --> 00:29:59,497 EQUALLY IMPORTANT TO ME. 579 00:29:59,564 --> 00:30:01,900 IT'S COMBED INTO MY MIND, IN MY SOUL. 580 00:30:01,966 --> 00:30:06,237 AND I WILL SAY FOR THE RECORD-- THIS IS MY REVIEW-- A PERFECT 581 00:30:06,304 --> 00:30:07,705 ADAPTATION OF THIS BOOK. 582 00:30:07,772 --> 00:30:08,273 ( APPLAUSE ). 583 00:30:08,339 --> 00:30:11,176 >> WHY AM I APPLAUDING? 584 00:30:11,242 --> 00:30:12,377 >> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY. 585 00:30:12,443 --> 00:30:15,747 DID YOU HAVE ANY FAMILIARITY WITH THIS BOOK BEFORE YOU PLAYED 586 00:30:15,813 --> 00:30:17,515 THE PART OF LADY JESSICA? 587 00:30:17,582 --> 00:30:19,350 >> I FEEL LIKE I'M IN SCHOOL. 588 00:30:19,417 --> 00:30:20,151 ( LAUGHTER ). 589 00:30:20,218 --> 00:30:21,986 >> Stephen: DID YOU DO THE HOMEWORK? 590 00:30:22,053 --> 00:30:24,789 >> HMMM! 591 00:30:24,856 --> 00:30:28,826 CAN I JUST FIRST OF ALL SAY, I AM SO EXCITED TO BE HERE. 592 00:30:28,893 --> 00:30:34,465 ALSO TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO HAS READ, AND WHAT I UNDERSTAND, 593 00:30:34,532 --> 00:30:40,271 LIVED AND LOVED A STORY LIKE "DUNE." 594 00:30:40,338 --> 00:30:43,641 IT'S QUITE DAUNTING TO BE ON THIS END OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE. 595 00:30:43,708 --> 00:30:50,548 BUT TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION HELP ( LAUGHS ) 596 00:30:50,615 --> 00:30:51,482 ( DEEP BREATHS ). 597 00:30:51,549 --> 00:30:53,618 >> Stephen: I DON'T MEAN TO DAUNT MY GUESTS. 598 00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:54,452 I PROMISE YOU. 599 00:30:54,519 --> 00:30:56,454 I AM VERY EXCITED TO HAVE YOU. 600 00:30:56,521 --> 00:31:00,658 I AM SLIGHTLY DAUNTED BY YOUR TALENT. 601 00:31:00,725 --> 00:31:03,928 >> LET'S BE DAUNTIFULLY DAUNTED. 602 00:31:03,995 --> 00:31:05,496 >> Stephen: HAVE YOU READ THE BOOK? 603 00:31:05,563 --> 00:31:07,365 >> NO, I HAVEN'T. 604 00:31:07,432 --> 00:31:08,866 >> Stephen: IS THAT SO PAINFUL? 605 00:31:08,933 --> 00:31:10,401 TEAR OFF THE BAND-AID. 606 00:31:10,468 --> 00:31:11,135 YOU HAD NOT. 607 00:31:11,202 --> 00:31:12,704 >> JOKES ASIDE. 608 00:31:12,770 --> 00:31:14,138 >> Stephen: DID YOU KNOW ANYTHING? 609 00:31:14,205 --> 00:31:15,940 >> NO. 610 00:31:16,007 --> 00:31:17,408 >> Stephen: HOW DID YOU GET THE PART? 611 00:31:17,475 --> 00:31:17,942 ( LAUGHTER ). 612 00:31:18,009 --> 00:31:21,246 >> SO I WAS AT HOME... 613 00:31:21,312 --> 00:31:25,216 THINGS JUST FEEL NORMAL UNTIL I'M SITTING HERE. 614 00:31:25,283 --> 00:31:30,755 SO, MY AGENTS CALLED AND THEY SAID, "DENIS VILLENEUVE, HE 615 00:31:30,822 --> 00:31:32,123 WANTS TO HAVE A MEETING WITH YOU." 616 00:31:32,190 --> 00:31:34,158 AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS MAKING. 617 00:31:34,225 --> 00:31:35,727 I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE FILM WAS ABOUT. 618 00:31:35,793 --> 00:31:36,494 I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING. 619 00:31:36,561 --> 00:31:38,329 AND I GOT VERY EXCITED AND NERVOUS. 620 00:31:38,396 --> 00:31:44,469 AND THEN I HAD AN HOUR AND A HALF, MAYBE TWO-HOUR, ZOOM, 621 00:31:44,535 --> 00:31:46,804 SKYPE-- WHATEVER, I SUPPORT ALL OF THE MEDIA OPTIONS OUT THERE. 622 00:31:46,871 --> 00:31:49,007 ( LAUGHTER ) SEE WHAT I DID THERE? 623 00:31:49,073 --> 00:31:49,540 >> Stephen: SURE, I DID. 624 00:31:49,607 --> 00:31:54,012 >> THANK YOU. 625 00:31:54,078 --> 00:31:56,948 HIS, DENIS' LOVE, VERSION, THAT HE WANTED TO CREATE, THAT IS 626 00:31:57,015 --> 00:31:58,850 WHAT I WAS ON THE RECEIVING END OF. 627 00:31:58,916 --> 00:32:02,086 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT STICK AROUND. 628 00:32:02,153 --> 00:32:04,155 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE REBECCA FERGUSON. 629 00:32:29,013 --> 00:32:34,419 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 630 00:32:34,485 --> 00:32:38,056 WE'RE BACK WITH ONE OF THE STARS OF "DUNE," REBECCA FERGUSON. 631 00:32:38,122 --> 00:32:42,960 FOR THOSE OUT THERE WHO DON'T KNOW, "DUNE" IS ABOUT A DESSERT 632 00:32:43,027 --> 00:32:47,799 PLANET WHERE ONE OF THE NOBLE FAMILIES GETS GIVEN THIS PLANET 633 00:32:47,865 --> 00:32:52,970 BY THE EMPEROR, REALLY TO DESTROY THE FAMILY. 634 00:32:53,037 --> 00:32:54,872 YOU LEARN THAT IN THE FIRST FEW MINUTES. 635 00:32:54,939 --> 00:32:55,840 >> YOU DO. 636 00:32:55,907 --> 00:32:58,376 WHATEVER YOU SAY, I'M GOING TO AGREE WITH YEAH. 637 00:32:58,443 --> 00:32:59,610 >> Stephen: YOU REALLY DO. 638 00:32:59,677 --> 00:33:02,013 >> IT'S A WAR OF-- IT'S KIND OF THE STORY OF EVERYTHING, ISN'T 639 00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:03,181 IT? 640 00:33:03,247 --> 00:33:05,917 I REFER TO IT AS THINGS I'VE DONE BACK IN THE DAY, LIKE THE 641 00:33:05,983 --> 00:33:09,654 IT'S THE WAR OF THE THRONE, THE WAR OF THE ROSES. 642 00:33:09,721 --> 00:33:11,556 IT'S "THE GAME OF THRONES." 643 00:33:11,622 --> 00:33:15,927 BUT ONE SECOND YOU'RE POWERFUL AND WITH THE FLIP OF A COIN, 644 00:33:15,993 --> 00:33:18,930 YOU'RE DOOMED, YOU KNOW,. 645 00:33:18,996 --> 00:33:21,933 >> Stephen: WHAT WAS THE CHARACTER, LADY JESSICA IS 646 00:33:21,999 --> 00:33:23,501 INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT, AND INCREDIBLY POWERFUL, AND WE GET 647 00:33:23,568 --> 00:33:31,075 THAT IN YOUR PERFORMANCE IN-- VERY CONFLICTED, HEARTBROKEN BY 648 00:33:31,142 --> 00:33:37,081 THE POWER SHE WIELDS AND THE ROLE SHE HAS TO PLAY IN THE 649 00:33:37,148 --> 00:33:38,316 STORY. 650 00:33:38,383 --> 00:33:41,085 DENIS' KNOWLEDGE OF THE BOOK, WERE YOU ABLE TO GO TO HIM AS A 651 00:33:41,152 --> 00:33:43,821 TOUCHSTONE AND ASK WHAT HAPPENED IN THE PERMANENT DYNAMICS. 652 00:33:43,888 --> 00:33:45,289 >> I TRIED READING THIS BOOK. 653 00:33:45,356 --> 00:33:46,090 IT WAS HARD. 654 00:33:46,157 --> 00:33:47,225 IT WAS DENNIS. 655 00:33:47,291 --> 00:33:56,067 I WAS LIKE, YES, YES, ANYWAY, DENIS, YOU KNOW PAGE 25... 656 00:33:56,134 --> 00:33:59,604 NO, TO BE HONEST, HE HAD SUCH A VISION OF THIS CHARACTER. 657 00:33:59,670 --> 00:34:04,642 AND I CAN FEEL SOMETIMES THERE'S A POSSIBILITY TO NOT AD LIB BUT 658 00:34:04,709 --> 00:34:07,278 COME IDEAS, COME WITH IDEAS OF CHARACTER. 659 00:34:07,345 --> 00:34:11,516 THIS ONE WAS SO IMPORTANT TO STICK TO THE BOOK AND TO THIS 660 00:34:11,582 --> 00:34:12,784 ROLE. 661 00:34:12,850 --> 00:34:18,689 YOU KNOW, HE STUCK TO THE THEME THAT WAS JESSICA, AND THEN KIND 662 00:34:18,756 --> 00:34:20,491 UPON DEFIBRILLATED THIS MODERNIZATION OF HER. 663 00:34:20,558 --> 00:34:24,662 AND IT WAS DOWN TO JUST ONGOING CONVERSATIONS WITH HIM WHAT 664 00:34:24,729 --> 00:34:26,964 CHARACTER AND WHAT CHARACTER TRAIT ARE WE PLAYING IN CERTAIN 665 00:34:27,031 --> 00:34:27,598 MOMENTS? 666 00:34:27,665 --> 00:34:28,933 IS IT THE PROTECTIVE MOTHER? 667 00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,035 IS IT A TRAINER? 668 00:34:31,102 --> 00:34:35,673 IS IT SOMEONE WHO FEARS FOR THE LIFE OF THEIR CHILD, YET I-- 669 00:34:35,740 --> 00:34:38,409 SHE-- IS THE PERSON WHO CREATES THE DISASTER? 670 00:34:38,476 --> 00:34:39,177 YOU KNOW? 671 00:34:39,243 --> 00:34:44,715 >> Stephen: IT'S AN AMAZING CAST. 672 00:34:44,782 --> 00:34:51,055 TIMOTHEE CHALAMET, ZENDAYA, OSCAR ISAAC, AND JOSH BROLIN. 673 00:34:51,122 --> 00:34:56,494 >> CHARLOTTE RAMPLING. 674 00:34:56,561 --> 00:34:59,263 >> Stephen: EXACTLY. 675 00:34:59,330 --> 00:35:02,467 >> CAN I GET THAT ONE? 676 00:35:02,533 --> 00:35:03,634 >> Stephen: WHAT IS FEAR? 677 00:35:03,701 --> 00:35:09,407 >> FEAR IS THE LITTLE DEATH THAT BRINGS TOTAL OBLITERATION. 678 00:35:09,474 --> 00:35:14,512 I WILL LET IT PASS THROUGH ME AND OVER ME AND WHERE FEAR HAS 679 00:35:14,579 --> 00:35:16,147 GONE, ONLY I WILL REMAIN. 680 00:35:16,214 --> 00:35:16,714 SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 681 00:35:16,781 --> 00:35:18,883 AM I CLOSE. 682 00:35:18,950 --> 00:35:19,984 MIND KILLER. 683 00:35:20,051 --> 00:35:22,253 >> Stephen: SPEAK OF FEAR, ANXIETY AT LEAST, BEING ON A 684 00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:23,354 MOVIE SET-- >> LIKE NOW. 685 00:35:23,421 --> 00:35:26,891 >> Stephen: ...IS A LITTLE LIKE BEING IN A HIGH SCHOOL 686 00:35:26,958 --> 00:35:27,692 CAFETERIA. 687 00:35:27,758 --> 00:35:29,093 YOU DON'T KNOW WHO TO HANG OUT WITH. 688 00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:31,496 SOMETIMES YOU'RE MEETING THESE PEOPLE FOR THE FIRST TIME. 689 00:35:31,562 --> 00:35:37,768 YOU MIGHT BE FANS OF YOUR CLASS. 690 00:35:37,835 --> 00:35:42,406 THIS GROUPS,s SHALL MAY, JOSH BROLIN, OSCAR ISAAC, ZENDAYA, 691 00:35:42,473 --> 00:35:45,109 WHO DO YOU HANG OUT WITH IN BETWEEN? 692 00:35:45,176 --> 00:35:46,310 WHO ARE YOUR BUDDIES? 693 00:35:46,377 --> 00:35:49,914 >> I'LL TELL YOU, THERE ARE TWO GUYS ON SET-- DO YOU KNOW AT 694 00:35:49,981 --> 00:35:53,184 SCHOOL, THERE ARE ALWAYS TWO-- ALWAYS THOSE TWO POPULAR PEOPLE 695 00:35:53,251 --> 00:35:54,218 YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF. 696 00:35:54,285 --> 00:35:57,188 AND IT'S NOT THAT THEY DON'T LET YOU IN. 697 00:35:57,255 --> 00:35:59,590 THEY JUST DON'T LET YOU IN. 698 00:35:59,657 --> 00:36:00,725 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 699 00:36:00,791 --> 00:36:02,827 >> Stephen: BECAUSE THEY'RE HAVING FUN WITH EACH OTHER. 700 00:36:02,894 --> 00:36:04,896 >> I DON'T FEEL LIKE MENTIONING NAMES, BUT OSCAR ISAAC AND JOSH 701 00:36:04,962 --> 00:36:06,163 BROLIN DID THIS. 702 00:36:06,230 --> 00:36:10,902 IT MADE ME FEEL THIS BIG. 703 00:36:10,968 --> 00:36:14,005 LITERALLY, THEY WOULD SIT CONNECTED AND I WOULD CARRY MY 704 00:36:14,071 --> 00:36:19,210 OWN APPLE BOX BOX. 705 00:36:19,277 --> 00:36:19,610 >> Audience: OOOH. 706 00:36:19,677 --> 00:36:23,481 >> I KNOW. 707 00:36:23,548 --> 00:36:25,016 >> Stephen: DID YOU EVER CRACK? 708 00:36:25,082 --> 00:36:25,650 >> I DID. 709 00:36:25,716 --> 00:36:27,718 I ASKED FOR OSCAR'S NUMBER. 710 00:36:27,785 --> 00:36:31,022 THEN I ASKED FOR JASON-- FOR JOSH-- WHATEVER, WHOEVER. 711 00:36:31,088 --> 00:36:34,926 >> Stephen: BROLIN. 712 00:36:34,992 --> 00:36:36,394 >> IS HE EVEN IN THE FILM? 713 00:36:36,460 --> 00:36:41,432 AND THEN I SENT A TEXT TO ALL OF US AND I CREATED A GROUP CHAT, 714 00:36:41,499 --> 00:36:43,901 AND NOW WE SEND FAMILY PICTURES. 715 00:36:43,968 --> 00:36:45,403 HIGH FIVE! 716 00:36:45,469 --> 00:36:45,836 ( APPLAUSE ). 717 00:36:45,903 --> 00:36:47,538 >> Stephen: WOW. 718 00:36:47,605 --> 00:36:49,707 HIGH FIVE, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT. 719 00:36:49,774 --> 00:36:54,879 SO YOU HAVE-- YOU HAVE OSCAR ISAAC AND BROLIN'S NUMBERS. 720 00:36:54,946 --> 00:36:56,414 I CAN GET BROLIN'S NUMBER? 721 00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:57,014 >> ABSOLUTELY. 722 00:36:57,081 --> 00:37:00,585 I MEAN, I DON'T CARE. 723 00:37:00,651 --> 00:37:04,822 >> Stephen: HE-- HE OWES ME MONEY. 724 00:37:04,889 --> 00:37:06,257 40 BUCKS. 725 00:37:06,324 --> 00:37:07,792 >> JASON MOMOA OWES ME MONEY. 726 00:37:07,858 --> 00:37:09,894 >> Stephen: DOES HE? 727 00:37:09,961 --> 00:37:10,294 >> Stephen: STARS. 728 00:37:10,361 --> 00:37:11,228 >> RIDICULOUS. 729 00:37:11,295 --> 00:37:12,897 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE ONE MORE BREAK. 730 00:37:12,964 --> 00:37:17,201 STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE LADY JESSICA FROM 731 00:37:17,268 --> 00:37:18,069 "DUNE," REBECCA FERGUSON. 732 00:37:25,977 --> 00:37:28,779 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 733 00:37:28,846 --> 00:37:31,916 WE'RE BACK WITH ONE OF THE STARS OF "DUNE," THE LOVELY AND 734 00:37:31,983 --> 00:37:33,117 TALENTED REBECCA FERGUSON. 735 00:37:33,184 --> 00:37:37,922 NOW, THIS IS A SHOT-- THIS IS YOU WITH TIMOTHEE PLAYING PAUL 736 00:37:37,989 --> 00:37:39,123 AND LADY JESSICA. 737 00:37:39,190 --> 00:37:44,328 THE STILL SUITS ARE, YOU KNOW, SKIN, YOU KNOW, CLINGING SUITS 738 00:37:44,395 --> 00:37:46,263 THAT CYCLE YOUR WATER AND EVERYTHING. 739 00:37:46,330 --> 00:37:49,266 AND YOU HAVE TO PUT THE TUBE UP YOUR NOSE BECAUSE IT'S CYCLING 740 00:37:49,333 --> 00:37:51,736 THE WATER COMING THROUGH YOUR BREATH AND YOU PUT A MASK ON. 741 00:37:51,802 --> 00:37:53,638 >> DOES THAT MAKE SENSE, THOUGH. 742 00:37:53,704 --> 00:37:55,473 >> Stephen: DOES IT MAKE SENSE? 743 00:37:55,539 --> 00:37:58,876 >> WE ALWAYS HAD FUN WITH THIS ONE BECAUSE IT WAS SO ANNOYING. 744 00:37:58,943 --> 00:38:02,013 WE KEPT SAYING, "CAN WE TAKE IT OUT?" 745 00:38:02,079 --> 00:38:05,883 IT WAS, "NO, THAT IS THE ESSENCE OF YOUR SURVIVAL." 746 00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:08,853 >> Stephen: YOU BREATHE IN THROUGH THE MASK AND OUT THROUGH 747 00:38:08,919 --> 00:38:09,720 THE NOSE. 748 00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:11,522 YOU KNOW THAT BECAUSE YOU READ THE BOOK. 749 00:38:11,589 --> 00:38:13,891 >> ABSOLUTELY. 750 00:38:13,958 --> 00:38:15,526 BY THE WAY, I DID READ THE BOOK. 751 00:38:15,593 --> 00:38:17,695 I DID READ THE BOOK. 752 00:38:17,762 --> 00:38:19,530 >> Stephen: IT TOOK A WHILE TO PRY THAT OUT OF YOU. 753 00:38:19,597 --> 00:38:20,498 >> I HAVEN'T FINISHED IT. 754 00:38:20,564 --> 00:38:22,767 >> Stephen: YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED IT. 755 00:38:22,833 --> 00:38:24,468 >> SO MY QUESTION TO YOU... 756 00:38:24,535 --> 00:38:26,203 >> Stephen: YES? 757 00:38:26,270 --> 00:38:31,142 >> IS, IF IN CASE WE WERE TO CONTINUE... 758 00:38:31,208 --> 00:38:31,709 >> Stephen: YES. 759 00:38:31,776 --> 00:38:33,210 >> DO I HAVE A BIG ROLE? 760 00:38:33,277 --> 00:38:34,545 >> Stephen: YES, YES. 761 00:38:34,612 --> 00:38:38,182 I'VE SEEN THE MOVIE, AND I DON'T WANT TO GIVE ANYTHING AWAY-- 762 00:38:38,249 --> 00:38:39,283 >> REALLY. 763 00:38:39,350 --> 00:38:41,652 >> Stephen: I DON'T WANT TO GIVE ANYTHING AWAY OF WHAT 764 00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:44,588 HAPPENS, BECAUSE THE MOVIE THAT PEOPLE WILL SEE IN THRONGS-- AND 765 00:38:44,655 --> 00:38:47,625 PLEASE, SEE THE MOVIE IN A THEATER IF YOU CAN. 766 00:38:47,692 --> 00:38:50,027 GET VACCINATED JUST TO SEE IT IN A MOVIE THEATER. 767 00:38:50,094 --> 00:38:50,861 >> I AGREE. 768 00:38:50,928 --> 00:38:52,096 >> Stephen: IT'S EXTRAORDINARY. 769 00:38:52,163 --> 00:38:53,264 >> THE SOUND! 770 00:38:53,330 --> 00:38:55,499 >> Stephen: WHERE IT ENDS-- >> WE'RE NOT GOING TO EXPOSE, 771 00:38:55,566 --> 00:38:56,500 TELL YOU. 772 00:38:56,567 --> 00:38:58,035 >> Stephen: WE'RE NOT GOING TO SAY WHERE IT ENDS. 773 00:38:58,102 --> 00:39:02,940 BUT THERE IS SO MUCH MORE THAT YOU DO. 774 00:39:03,007 --> 00:39:03,441 ( LAUGHTER ). 775 00:39:03,507 --> 00:39:04,308 >> OH, THIS IS FUN! 776 00:39:04,375 --> 00:39:05,576 I LIKE THIS! 777 00:39:05,643 --> 00:39:06,811 >> Stephen: OH, GOOD. 778 00:39:06,877 --> 00:39:10,247 >> I WAS GOING TO SAY TO YOU, I HAD MY-- THE FIRST SCREENING, 779 00:39:10,314 --> 00:39:11,615 WHICH IS ALWAYS TERRIFYING. 780 00:39:11,682 --> 00:39:15,086 THERE ARE ALWAYS MOMENTS YOU READ A SCRIPT, THE READING OF 781 00:39:15,152 --> 00:39:20,291 THE SCRIPT IS VERY RARELY THE SAME AS SHOOTING A SCRIPT, 782 00:39:20,357 --> 00:39:23,661 SHOOTING A SCRIPT IS DIFFERENT THAN WATCHING THE MOVIE. 783 00:39:23,728 --> 00:39:26,864 GOING THROUGH A MOVIE YOU GO THROUGH MANY STAGES. 784 00:39:26,931 --> 00:39:30,267 I CRIED THE FIRST TIME I SAW THE FILM. 785 00:39:30,334 --> 00:39:30,768 >> Stephen: I DID, TOO? 786 00:39:30,835 --> 00:39:31,202 >> REALLY. 787 00:39:31,268 --> 00:39:31,869 >> Stephen: YES? 788 00:39:31,936 --> 00:39:35,539 >> IT WAS MY SCENES. 789 00:39:35,606 --> 00:39:37,441 >> Stephen: ONLY YOURS. 790 00:39:37,508 --> 00:39:45,583 AND THE GONGUBAR SCENE IS GOING ON-- AND, AGAIN, NO ONE WILL 791 00:39:45,649 --> 00:39:49,487 KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, AND ( BLEEP ), I DON'T CARE. 792 00:39:49,553 --> 00:39:52,022 WHERE YOU'RE HAVING TO ALLOW THE GONGUBAR-- 793 00:39:52,089 --> 00:39:54,091 >> I ACTIVATED IT. 794 00:39:54,158 --> 00:39:56,827 >> Stephen: YOU ARE-- >> I AM THE CREATOR OF DISASTER. 795 00:39:56,894 --> 00:40:00,931 >> Stephen: WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH OUTSIDE THAT DOOR TORE 796 00:40:00,998 --> 00:40:01,832 INTO ME AS A PARENT. 797 00:40:01,899 --> 00:40:02,566 >> THANK YOU. 798 00:40:02,633 --> 00:40:05,169 >> Stephen: ARE YOU GOING TO CRY? 799 00:40:05,236 --> 00:40:06,337 >> NO, THANK YOU. 800 00:40:06,403 --> 00:40:10,174 >> Stephen: THEY'RE TELLING ME TO RAP, YET, I REFUSE. 801 00:40:10,241 --> 00:40:13,577 HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU POINT TO THE RAP SIGN? 802 00:40:13,644 --> 00:40:13,911 THREE. 803 00:40:13,978 --> 00:40:15,012 NO, RIGHT. 804 00:40:15,079 --> 00:40:17,948 WELL, IT'S BRILLIANT. 805 00:40:18,015 --> 00:40:18,916 YOU'RE GREAT IN IT. 806 00:40:18,983 --> 00:40:22,486 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 807 00:40:22,553 --> 00:40:26,490 "DUNE" IS IN THEATERS AND ON HBO MAX ON OCT 22. 808 00:40:26,557 --> 00:40:29,393 REBECCA FERGUSON, EVERYBODY! 809 00:40:29,460 --> 00:40:31,462 THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.