>> IT'S THE AMAZON ASTRO, KIND OF LIKE AN ALEXA ON WHEELS THAT
CAN FOLLOW YOU AROUND THE HOUSE.
YOU CAN HAVE IT SPY ON THE DOGS IN A SPECIFIC ROOM AND SEE THE
LIVESTREAM ALL ON YOUR PHONE.
>> HERE AT AMAZON, WE BELIEVE TOMORROW IS TODAY.
THAT'S WHY OUR PRODUCT ENGINEERS HAVE CREATED THE MOST FUTURISTIC
NEW WAY TO TERRIFY YOUR DOG.
INTRODUCING THE AMAZON ASTRO.
VACUUM CLEANERS AND BLENDERS ARE NOW POOCH PETRIFIERS OF THE
PAST.
THE ALL-NEW AMAZON ASTRO IS DESIGNED SPECIFICALLY TO CAUSE
INTENSE EMOTIONAL ANGUISH FOR CANINES-- BIG, SMALL, AND
INBRED.
>> Astro: HEY, SPOT, DO YOU WANT TO SEE SOMETHING COOL?
>> USING SIMULTANEOUSLY LOCALIZED MAPPING, ASTRO CAN
PINPOINT NEARBY PETS, NO MATTER HOW SKILLED THEY ARE AT HIDING.
ONCE DETECTED, ASTRO WILL GO INTO TORMENT MODE, LAUNCHING A
FULL-SCALE HARASSMENT CAMPAIGN OF YOUR POOCH.
SURE, ASTRO DOES OTHER THINGS LIKE MAKE VIDEO CALLS AND ANSWER
QUESTIONS, BUT MOSTLY, IT WILL WASN'T YOUR DOG'S DREAMS.
AMAZON ASTRO: TREATING DOGS JUST AS WELL AS OUR EMPLOYEES.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: AND STEPHEN GOES TO MILWAUKEE TO
APOLOGIZE.
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: REBECCA FERGUSON
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY!
HEY!
WATCH YOUR HEAD ON THAT ONE.
HEY, SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) COME ON!
YOU LIKED THAT?
WHY NOT?
>> Audience: STEPHEN!
STEPHEN!
STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: NICE AND WARM.
LOOKING GOOD.
HEY, EVERYBODY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
OH, HOW NICE.
OH, I'VE MISSED IT.
THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.
NICE TO SEE MY FRIEND OVER HERE.
WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU CAN FEEL IT.
YOU CAN FEEL IT IN THE ROOM.
EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS IS FRIDAY, OKAY.
YOU CAN FEEL THAT IN THE ROOM.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
IN FACT-- AND THIS IS TRUE, IT'S OUR FIRST FRIDAY SHOW IN A
WHILE, ALMOST 20 MONTHS, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
YOU SEE, FOR-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED: FOR OVER A YEAR AND A HALF NOW CBS HAS
UNDERSTOOD THE EXTRAORDINARY EFFORT IT TAKES TO DELIVER THIS
SHOW EVERY WEEK DURING COVID.
SO, THEY LET US NOT DO FRIDAYS.
AND I'D LIKE TO THANK THEM FOR THEIR ENDLESS PATIENCE, WHICH
HAS COME TO AN END.
EVIDENTLY, THE PANDEMIC'S OVER, BECAUSE HERE I AM!
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT WAS A GOOD RUN.
WE HAD A GOOD RUN THERE FOR A WHILE.
( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
I HOPE IT ACTUALLY IS OVER SOON, BECAUSE THE PANDEMIC HAS REALLY
CUT DOWN ON OUR ABILITY TO TRAVEL.
MOST NOTABLY, AMERICANS ARE TAKING FEWER TRIPS TO BONE-TOWN.
A RECENT STUDY SHOWED THAT IN THE LAST YEAR, 78% OF PEOPLE SAW
A CHANGE IN THEIR SEX LIFE "USUALLY FOR THE WORSE."
( LAUGHTER ) REALLY, "USUALLY"?
I WANT TO MEET THE PEOPLE WHO FOUND COVID MADE THEIR SEX LIVES
BETTER.
( SEXILY ) "OH, BABY, I WANT YOU TO WIPE ME
DOWN LIKE A CAN OF CHICKPEAS. " ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) MMM!
NOW-- I'M COMING OVER, BUT I'LL WEAR A MASK.
GUESS WHERE?
( LAUGHTER ) THINGS ARE ESPECIALLY DIFFICULT
FOR FOLKS RECOVERING FROM THE VIRUS, BECAUSE SEX DRIVES MAY
FLUCTUATE DUE TO LONG COVID.
BUT, GUYS, DON'T WORRY.
THE LENGTH OF YOUR COVID DOESN'T MATTER.
IT'S REALLY-- ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) DOESN'T.
IT DOESN'T.
IT'S REALLY-- IT'S REALLY MORE THE GIRTH OF YOUR COVID.
LUCKILY, ONE DOCTOR HAD THESE ENCOURAGING WORDS: "PEOPLE WITH
ALL SORTS OF PHYSICAL DISABILITIES HAVE SEX, AND LONG
COVID IS A PHYSICAL DISABILITY.
THEY MAY NOT BE HAVING HANGING-FROM-THE-CHANDELIER SEX,
BUT THEY CAN STILL HAVE SEX."
( LAUGHTER ) HANGING FROM CHANDELIERS?
I GUESS I'VE HAD LONG COVID MY ENTIRE LIFE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
I DON'T-- I DON'T-- NEVER HAD THAT.
>> HANGING FROM THE CHANDELIER.
>> Stephen: I ONCE LEANED ON A SCONCE?
DOES THAT COUNT?
( LAUGHTER ) NEARLY HALF-- NEARLY HALF OF THE
PEOPLE-- ( APPLAUSE )
NEARLY HALF OF PEOPLE SURVEYED SAID THAT THEY PUT ON WEIGHT
DURING THE LOCKDOWN, AND 29% SAID THEY DRANK MORE.
WHEREAS, THE OTHER 71% ARE LIARS.
THAT'S A FRIDAY AUDIENCE RIGHT THERE.
NOW THAT THINGS ARE OPENING UP AGAIN, IT SEEMS LIKE WE'VE
FORGOTTEN HOW TO ACT AROUND OTHERS, BECAUSE ADULTS ARE
THROWING TANTRUMS IN RESTAURANTS, PLANES, AND AT
HOME.
PSYCHOLOGISTS ARE BLAMING THESE PUBLIC FREAK-OUTS ON UNUSUALLY
HIGH LEVELS OF COVID-RELATED STRESS, SAYING IT'S GETTING
HARDER TO MUSTER EMPATHY OR REGULATE OUR KNEE-JERK
REACTIONS.
NO IT'S NOT!
YOU'RE A KNEE-JERK, YOU STUPID-FACE GUY!
I'M SORRY.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT CAME FROM.
( LAUGHTER ) FOLKS WORKING IN SERVICE
INDUSTRIES ARE IN THE DIRECT LINE OF FIRE, WITH A REPORT
SAYING THAT IN THE LAST YEAR MORE THAN 60% OF RESTAURANT
WORKERS SAID THEY SUFFERED FROM EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND DISRESPECT
FROM CUSTOMERS, LEADING OLIVE GARDEN TO CHANGE ITS SLOGAN
TO, "WHEN YOU'RE HERE, YOU'RE DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
NOW, UNLIMITED-- UNLIMITED BREAD STICKS STILL, THOUGH.
CUSTOMERS ARE ALSO GETTING TESTY ON PLANES, THE RESTAURANTS OF
THE SKIES.
THE FEDERAL AVIATION ADMINISTRATION SAID IT'S ISSUED
MORE THAN $1 MILLION IN FINES TO UNRULY AIRLINE PASSENGERS SO FAR
IN 2021.
AT SOME POINT, THEY'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO INCORPORATE
THIS INTO THEIR FEE STRUCTURE: "ATTENTION, PASSENGERS, OUR
FLIGHT CREW IS COMING AROUND WITH SNACK BOXES FOR PURCHASE.
IF YOU'D LIKE TO SCREAM OBSCENITIES AT SOMEONE WHOSE JOB
IT IS TO HELP YOU SURVIVE A CRASH, THAT WILL BE $50.
WE TAKE ALL MAJOR CREDIT CARDS."
( LAUGHTER ).
♪ ♪ ♪ AMERICAN AIRLINES IS TRYING TO--
( APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: YEAH, YEAH, BABY.
>> Stephen: AMERICAN AIRLINES IS TRYING TO QUELL TANTRUMS BY
EXTENDING ITS BAN ON ALCOHOL IN THE MAIN CABIN UNTIL 2022.
( BOOING ) THAT WILL WORK!
UNLESS PASSENGERS NOW FIGURE OUT HOW TO ORDER ALCOHOL INSIDE THE
AIRPORT.
COVID CAN HAVE SOME UNPREDICTABLE SYMPTOMS, AND WE
JUST LEARNED ABOUT A NEW ONE, BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME
EVER, A COVID PATIENT HAS BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH "RESTLESS ANAL
SYNDROME."
NOW, I HEAR YOU ASKING, "STEPHEN, WHAT IS A RESTLESS
ANUS?" APPARENTLY, IT WAS EXPERIENCED
BY THE 77-YEAR OLD PATIENT AS "DEEP ANAL DISCOMFORT, WHICH
GAVE HIM AN ESSENTIAL URGE TO MOVE".
BY THE WAY, "ESSENTIAL URGE TO MOVE" WAS JAMES BROWN'S LEAST-
POPULAR ALBUM.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ COVID HAS LEAD TO A SERIES OF
WEIRD PRODUCT SHORTAGES OUT THERE, FROM TOILET PAPER TO
KETCHUP PACKETS.
BUT IT LOOKS LIKE WE JUST GOT THE STRANGEST, BECAUSE, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN THERE IS A CLOWN SHORTAGE IN NORTHERN IRELAND.
DEVASTATING.
ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING.
I THINK I CAN SAY WITH CONFIDENCE THAT THIS IS THE
BIGGEST CRISIS TO EVER HIT NORTHERN IRELAND.
( LAUGHTER ) APPARENTLY, A LOT OF NORTHERN
IRELAND'S CLOWNS WERE IMMIGRANTS, AND WHEN THE
PANDEMIC LOCKDOWN HIT, MANY RETURNED TO THEIR HOME
COUNTRIES.
IT WAS EASY: THEY ALL PILED INTO ONE TINY PLANE.
( APPLAUSE ) SPEAKING OF CLOWNS, THE
GOVERNMENT IS TOSSING A BUNCH OF FOLKS WHO TRIED TO OVERTHROW
DEMOCRACY ON JANUARY 6 IN JAIL.
I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN THE LATEST EDITION OF
"SEDITIONIST ROUND-UP ROUNDUP."
>> I CANT BULL-EIVE DA-MOO-CRACY IS COW-LAPSING.
>> Stephen: FIRST UP, WE HAVE AN UPDATE FOR A ROUNDUP ALL-STAR.
PENNSYLVANIA PIZZA SHOP OWNER AND ALPHA KAREN, PAULINE BAUER,
SEEN HERE DEMANDING TO SPEAK TO THE CAPITOL BUILDING'S MANAGER.
BAUER SAYS SHE'S A "SOVEREIGN CITIZEN," SOMETHING THAT DOES
NOT EXIST BUT THAT SHE SAYS MEANS SHE IS DIVINELY EMPOWERED
TO BE IMMUNE FROM LAWS.
HAS SHE READ THE BIBLE?
THAT THING IS NOTHING BUT LAWS.
MOSES DIDN'T COME DOWN THE MOUNTAIN WITH "THE TEN WEIRD
TIPS TO HELP YOU LOSE BELLY FAT."
( APPLAUSE ) DOCTORS HATE HIM.
>> Jon: OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: DOCTORS HATE HIM.
BAUER IS REPRESENTING HERSELF IN COURT AND HAS BEEN THROWING
BIBLE VERSES AT THE JUDGE.
LAST WEEK, THE JUDGE THREW ONE BACK: "ROMANS 13: LET EVERY
PERSON BE SUBJECT TO THE GOVERNING AUTHORITIES."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OKAY.
BUT BAUER'S RESPONSE?
"I AM NOT A PERSON."
( LAUGHTER ) SHE THEN UNZIPPED HER SKIN SUIT
AND, 15 RABID RACCOONS JUMPED OUT.
( APPLAUSE ) NEXT UP, NEXT UP ON THE ROUNDUP,
A DINGUS WHO DECIDED TO STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GOVERNMENT
OVERTHROW FOR SOME REFRESHMENT.
ANDREW ERICSON OF OKLAHOMA STOLE A BEER FROM HOUSE SPEAKER NANCY
PELOSI.
WELL, IT'S NO SURPRISE THAT NANCY PELOSI HAS BEER IN HER
OFFICE.
WE ALL KNOW THE HAT SHE WORE AT BIDEN'S INAUGURATION.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUEST STARS IN THE NEW SCIENCE FICTION EPIC FILM,
"DUNE," REBECCA FERGUSON.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I TRAVEL TO MILWAUKEE TO BEG FOR THEIR
FORGIVENESS.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
THE BAND WITH THE PLAN.
THE BAND THAT CAN FOLKS, I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH YOU
REMEMBER ABOUT THE 2020 ELECTION SEASON, BUT LAST SUMMER, THE
DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE PLACE IN
THE GREAT CITY OF MILWAUKEE.
HOWEVER, DUE TO THE PANDEMIC, THE D.N.C. WENT ENTIREL
VIRTUAL AT THE LAST MINUTE.
SO WE HERE AT "THE LATE SHOW" PUT TOGETHER A VIRTUAL TOUR OF
MILWAUKEE WITH JOKES ABOUT DRINKING VIRTUAL BEER AND
GOING TO A VIRTUAL TAILGATE.
UNFORTUNATELY, MILWAUKEE DID NOT FIND IT EVEN "VIRTUALLY" FUNNY.
( LAUGHTER ) I FELT TERRIBLE ABOUT IT, SO I
WENT ON THE AIR AND ISSUED A SINCERE APOLOGY, WHERE I TOOK
FULL RESPONSIBILITY BY BLAMING IT ALL ON MY WRITER GABE, WHO
WROTE ALL THE JOKES ABOUT MILWAUKEE DIDN'T LIKE.
AND THIS IS HOW NICE MILWAUKEEANS ARE: THE MILWAUKEE
BREWERS INVITED ME TO ATTEND A GAME, AS SOON AS THEY WERE BACK
IN THE STADIUM.
AND I SAID I WOULD LOVE TO, ON ONE CONDITION:
ON ONE CONDITION: I GET TO RUN IN ONE OF YOUR SAUSAGE RACES.
WELL, I'M HAPPY TO SAY THAT THE BREWERS MET MY DEMAND, AND I
RECENTLY TRAVELLED TO MILWAUKEE TO APOLOGIZE TO THE
CITY IN PERSON.
BEAUTIFUL MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN, CREAM ITY, THE BIG CHEESY, HOME
TO THE CHAMPION MILWAUKEE BUCS, AND THE DIVISION CHAMP BREWERS,
WHO INVITED ME TO TAKE PART IN THEIR HISTORIC SAUSAGE RACE.
I WAS GRATEFUL FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO ADDRESS THE CROWD
AND MAKE PEACE WITH THET WONDERFUL PEOPLE OF MILWAUKEE
AFTER THE THOUGHTLESS JOKES I HAD MADE ABOUT THEIR CITY.
>> PLEASE JOIN THE BREWERS IN WELCOMING THE HOST OF "THE LATE
SHOW,"" STEPHEN COLBERT ( BOOING ).
>> Stephen: WINNING THEM OVER WASN'T GOING TO BE EASY.
FORTUNATELY, I HAD A PLAN.
I KNEW IF I WAS GOING TO APOLOGIZE TO MILWAUKEE, I NEEDED
TO BRING SOME BEER.
SO I STARTED MY DAY AT MILLER BREWING, WHERE I HEAD WITH HEAD
BREW MASTER TROY REISWICK, TO BREW MY VERY OWN APOLOGY BEER.
SO MY GOAL IS TO MAKE A BEER GOOD ENOUGH SO THE PEOPLE OF
MILWAUKEE FORGIVE ME.
>> Stephen: CAN WE CREATE A BEER THAT ERASES REGRETS INSTEAD
OF CAUSING THEM.
>> I THINK WE CAN MAKE A BALANCE BEER.
WE WOULD HAVE TO BALANCE SOME OF THE COMPONENT WITH HAPPY YEAST.
>> Stephen: MAO DO YOU MAKE YEAST HAPPY?
>> YOU FEED IS THE RIGHT FOOD AND TREAT IT RIGHT.
>> Stephen: DOES IT GET AN INFECTION?
>> THERE'S THE BACTERIA, SO WE HAVE TO WATCH OUT FOR THAT.
>> Stephen: YEAH, CRANBERRY JUICE.
TROY, LET'S MAKE SOME BEER.
AFTER DONNING SOME LITERAL BEER GOGGLES, THE FIRST STEP WAS TO
DUMP THE HOPS IN THE KETTLE.
WOW.
THERE YOU GO.
>> EXCELLENT, GREAT.
.>> Stephen: NOW, BEFORE YOU CLOSE IT, TROY, CAN I DROP ONE
SINGLE TEAR IN THERE SO THAT PEOPLE IN MILWAUKEE KNOW THAT
I'M REALLY SORRY?
>> ALL RIGHT, ONE TEAR.
>> Stephen: SAY SOMETHING MEAN TO ME THAT WILL MAKE ME CRY
( LAUGHS ).
>> Stephen: JUST SAY SOMETHING-- JUST SAY SOMETHING
MEAN.
>> YOU KNOW, I NEVER LIKED YOUR SHOW.
>> Stephen: WOW!
WOW!
( APPLAUSE ) THROUGH THE MAGIC OF TV, THE
DISTILLATION PROCESS WAS OVER IN SECONDS, AND MY AMBER BEER WAS
READY.
>> AND THIS IS IT.
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE APOLOGY AMBER?
>> THIS IS THE APOLOGY AMBER.
>> Stephen: WOW.
I GAVE A SAMPLE LIKE THIS ONCE, AND MY DOCTOR SATD I WAS
DEHYDRATED.
>> YOU HAVE TO DRINK WATER.
>> Stephen: TO APOLOGIES.
>> TO APOLOGIES.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WHEN IS MILLER TIME?
LET'S GO.
WITH MY APOLOGY AMBERS IN HAND, IT WAS TIME TO HEAD OVER TO
AMERICAN FAMILY FIELD.
BEFORE I SUITED UP FOR THE BIG RACE, I KNEW I HAD TO APOLOGIZE
THE MILWAUKEE WAY-- WITH A TAILGATE PARTY.
ALL RIGHT, WHO'S READY TO SEE ME GROVEL!
<!0> A LITTLE APOLOGY AMBER.
SO SORRY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING.
>> WE FORGIVE YOU.
>> Stephen: THANKS.
DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE ON HOW TO WIN THIS RACE?
>> RUN LIKE YOU'RE A TODDLER AND YOU KNOW IT.
DOES THAT MAKE SENSE.
>> Stephen: I HAVE THE SAME MUSCLE MASS.
( LAUGHTER ) OKAY, I'M GOING TO BE SPEAKING
TO THE CROWD TONIGHT.
WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO WIN OVER THE PEOPLE OF MILWAUKEE?
IT WILL BE-- >> BUCS IN 6.
>> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT CUBBIES SUCK?
>> YEAH, THAT WILL WORK, TOO.
>> OH!
OH!
( LAUGHTER ) OH!
FIRST TRY!
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
STEPHEN COLBERT HERE, AND I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I'M
RESPONSIBLE FOR THINGS I SAY.
MY WRITERS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT THOSE WORDS MEAN.
I DIDN'T WRITE ANY OF THE JOKES THAT UPSET YOU.
MY WRITER, GABE GROMLEY WROTE THOSE JOKES
( BOOING ) GABE, ARE YOU FROM WISCONSIN?
>> I'M FROM WISCONSIN.
>> SHAME!
SHAME!
>> Stephen: DON'T PUNISH ME.
PUNISH HIM!
>> OH!
OH!
>> Stephen: SIR, WOULD YOU PLEASE TELL THE PEOPLE WHAT YOUR
NAME IS.
>> CAN GRIMILY.
>> Stephen: AND WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO THE WRITER?
>> HE'S MY SON.
>> OH!
OH!
>> Stephen: DID YOU EVER PLAY BALL?
>> I DID.
>> Stephen: OKAY, OH, OH, SOUTHPAW, THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO.
GOOD LUCK, OKAY.
REMEMBER, YOU CAN'T BE ALLOWED TO GET AWAY WITH THIS.
>> OH!
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: GABE HAD LEARNED MY LESSON, AND I HAD LEARNED
PEOPLE ENJOY FREE BEER.
BUT TO TRULY WIN THEM OVER, IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO WIN A SAUSAGE
RACE.
HOW HARD COULD THAT BE?
VERY!
>> Stephen: WHEN WE RETURN-- AND I DON'T WANT TO GET TOO
TECHNICAL HERE, BUT I DRESS UP LIKE A HOT DOG AND RUN AROUND A
BASEBALL FIELD.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW!
FOLKS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WHEN LAST WE LEFT OUR HERO, I
WAS ABOUT TO ENTER MILWAUKEE'S FAMOUS SAUSAGE RACE.
WHAT IS A SAUSAGE RACE, YOU ASK?
WELL, SURPRISINGLY, IT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE.
JIM?
>> ALL RIGHT, FANS, TIME NOW FOR THE JOHNSON VM FAMOUS SAUSAGE
RACE.
>> Stephen: FOR ALMOST 30 YERSZ, THE ICONIC MILWAUKEE
BREWERS' SAUSAGE RACE HAS BEEN DELIGHTING BREWERS FANS IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE SIXTH INNING OF EVERY HOME GAME.
THE BRAUTWURST, THE ITALIAN SAUSAGE, THE POLAND SAUSAGE, AND
THE HOT DOG FACE OFF IN AN ALL-OUT COMPETITION OF SPEED,
AGILITY, AND MANY TIMES NEITHER.
>> DOWN GOES FRAZIER!
♪ ♪ ♪ >> A LITTLE TOP HEAVY.
THAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.
>> Stephen: IT'S SO POPULAR, THERE'S EVEN A MINI-SAUSAGE RACE
FOR KIDS ON SUNDAYS.
>> IT'S GOING TO BE THE POLISH SAUSAGE AT THE WIRE.
>> Stephen: IF I WAS GOING TO HAVE ANY SHOT AT WINNING, I
NEEDED PROFESSIONAL ADVICE.
PAT, YOU'RE THE GUY I NEED TO TALK TO.
YOU HAVE THE FRONT-ROW SEAT FOR ALL THE GREAT SAUSAGE RACES.
I HAVE TO BELIEVE YOU HAVE SEEN ALL THE GREATS?
>> I HAVE.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO I DO?
>> DON'T BEAT.
>> >> HAS HE EVER WON?
>> HE DOESN'T WIN.
>> Stephen: I'M SET TO BE THE HOT DOG.
>> I THINK YOU HAVE A SHOT.
>> Stephen: IS IT LEGAL TO SQUIRT MUSTARD IN MY OPPONENT'S
EYES.
>> THIS IS A STRATEGY, AND I WAS HOPING YOU WOULD GET TO THIS.
THEY ARE GOING TO SAY, "ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO."
AND I THINK YOU SHOULD, "ON YOUR MARK, GE--"
>> Stephen: JUST GO FOR IT.
>> THEY'RE NOT GOING TO STOP THE SAUSAGE RACE JUST GO.
LET'S DEMONSTRATE.
I'M RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.
DON'T GO THAT FAST.
SLOW MOTION.
AND I'M COMING.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
>> Stephen: NO?
>> YOU GOTTA LEARN THIS QUICK.
WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.
>> Stephen: YOU BE ME.
I'M COMING UP ON YOU.
>> YOU'RE COMING TO PASS ME.
AND, SEE, I DON'T BREAK STRIDE.
WHOOSH!
>> Stephen: LIKE THAT.
>> EXACTLY, EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: THEN-- >> DON'T DO THAT?
DON'T DO THAT.
>> DOUBLE GUNS, BABY!
WITH THAT SOUND ADVICE IN HAND MY NEXT STOP WAS BREWER'S STAR
PITCHER, BRETT SOUTER.
I NEED SOME ADVICE, ATHLETE TO ATHLETE, HOW DO YOU PREPARE FOR
A BIG GAME?
THIS IS AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO PLAYING A PROFESSIONAL
SPORT.
>> ARE YOU INTO MEDITATION AT ALL.
>> Stephen: 100%, I LOVE SLEEPING.
>> FOCUS ON THE BREATH.
>> Stephen: SO BREATHE?
>> YES, CLEAR OUT ALL THE BAD THOUGHTS AND DO YOUR BEST NOT TO
FOCUS ON WHAT COULD HAPPEN WITH THE FALL.
JUST DO YOUR BEST.
I'M GOING TO THE ROPE.
I'M FINISHING.
I'M STAYING ON MY FEET.
>> Stephen: NOW IT CITIES AND TOWNS LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO GET
INTO THE SQUIRREL CAGE.
BRENT TOOK ME OUT TO THE TRACK SO I COULD VISUALIZE THE COURSE.
I'M GOING TO COME AROUND THIS CORNER LIKE A FORMULA ONE RACE
CAR.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: OKAY, I'M GOING TO DRIFT AROUND THIS CORONER?
>> VISUALIZE IT, SEE IS HAPPENING.
>> Stephen: BRENT TAUGHT ME HOW TO STRETCH OUT THE OLD
HAMMY.
>> WE CALL THEM HEEL TOUCHES.
>> Stephen: LIKE THAT?
>> YUP, YUP.
YOU KNOW IT.
BOOM.
♪ ♪ ♪ MAN, YOU'RE FLEXIBLE.
>> Stephen: I HAVE REAL OPEN HIMSELF.
YEAH, I'LL FULLY DILATED.
I'M GETTING KIND OF TIRED AT THIS POINT.
>> THAT'S PERFECT.
YOU'RE IN A GOOD SPOT.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU SWEATING THIS HARD JUST STRETCHING.
TWO TIMES.
>> HE'S READY, CHAMPION COMING AT YOU, STEPHEN COLBERT, HOT
DOG.
HE'S READY.
>> Stephen: OKAY!
WITH THAT I JUST HAD TO MAKE IT THROUGH SIX INNINGS OF BASEBALL
AND A LOT OF BEER AND SAUSAGE, AND IT WAS TIME TO PUT ON MY
CASING.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( BELL RINGS ).
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE MOMENT I HAD BEEN TRAINING FOR.
>> IT'S TIME FOR THE JOHNSONVILLE FAMOUS RACING
SAUSAGE RACE.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: THAT'S ME, NUMBER
4.
>> ALL RIGHT, SAUSAGES, ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO!
>> Stephen: WATCH ME ROCK IT OFF THE STARTING BLOCKS.
AND...
THERE I GO!
( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
( PANTING ) BEFORE I EVEN REACHED THE FINISH
LINE, I DEMANDED A REMATCH.
THIS WASN'T FAIR.
EVIDENCE A 57-YEAR-OLD MAN.
THESE PEOPLE WERE ALL SO YOUNG!
OR MAYBE NOT YOUNG ENOUGH.
>> THERE HE IS, THE FIRST ADULT TO RUN IN THE MINI-SAUSAGE RACE.
♪ ♪ ♪ ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO!
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: I DIDN'T TAKE THE GOLD, BUT I DID MANAGE TO OUTRUN
A FOUR-YEAR-OLD.
BUT FOR SOME REASON, THE CROWD WAS STILL AGAINST ME.
I WAS OUT OF BREATH AND OUT OF SHAPE, BUT NOT OUT OF THE GAME.
THIS HOT DOG HAD ONE LAST TRICK UP HIS BUN.
WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, PANDER.
>> PLEASE JOIN THE BREWERS IN WELCOMING STEPHEN COLBERT!
( BOOING ) >> FEELS LIKE A ZEALUOUS CAESAR
MOMENT RIGHT HERE.
>> I THINK THEY MIGHT STORM HIM.
>> Stephen: HELLO, MILWAUKEE.
I AM STEPHEN COLBERT, AND I AM SORRY!
( BOOING ) ON MY SHOW LAST YEAR I TOLD SOME
JOKES ABOUT THIS BEAUTIFUL CITY, BUT I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT
MILWAUKEE IS NO JOKE.
FROM NOW ON, THE ONLY MILWAUKEE JOKE I'M GOING TO MAKE IS KNOCK,
KNOCK.
>> WHO'S THERE!
>> Stephen: THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD!
( CHEERING ) MILWAUKEE IS FILLED WITH
BOISTEROUS ENERGY AND QUIET DIGNITY, CITIZENS THAT ENJOY
RELAXING ON THE SHORES OF BEAUTIFUL LAKE MICHIGAN AND
POUNDING BEERS AT A STADIUM PARKING LOT.
A CITY KIND ENOUGH TO INVETE ME TO TAKE PART IN YOUR ANCIENT
TRADITION KNOWN AS THE SAUSAGE RACE.
EITHER A TERRIFIC HONOR OR AN ELABORATE PRANK TO GET ME TO
DRESS UP AS A HOT DOG.
CARDS ON THE TABLE, CARDS ON THE TABLE-- I LIVED IN CHICAGO FOR
11 YEARS ( BOOING )
SO I'M A FAN OF THE CUBBIES, BUT I'M AN EVEN BIGGER FAN OF
GETTING PEOPLE TO LIKE ME.
SO WITH THAT IN MIND, CUBBIES SUCK!
GO, BREWERS!
BUCS IN SIX!
I MAY HAVE COME IN LAST ON THE TRACK, BUT IN THE SAUCE ANNUAL
RACE WE CALL LIFE, I WAS THE WEINER.
THANK YOU, MILWAUKEE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU, MILWAUKEE!
AND GOOD LUCK TO THE BREWERS.
I'M SURE YOU'LL DO BETTER IN THE PLAYOFFS THAN I DID IN A HOT DOG
COSTUME.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STAR OF THE EXTRAORDINARY NEW SCIENCE
FICTION EPIC FILM, "DUNE," REBECCA FERGUSON.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW MY GUEST TONIGHT FROM "MISSION:
IMPOSSIBLE, "DOCTOR SLEEP," AND "THE GREATEST SHOWMAN."
SHE NOW STARS AS LADY JESSICA IN "DUNE."
>> JESSICA, YOU GAVE ME A SON, AND FROM THE MOMENT HE WAS BORN,
I NEVER QUESTIONED YOU.
I TRUSTED YOU COMPLETELY.
EVEN WHEN YOU WALKED IN SHADOWS.
NOW I'M ASKING YOU THIS ONE THING.
IF ANYTHING HAPPENS, WILL YOU PROTECT OUR SON?
>> WITH MY LIFE.
>> I'M NOT ASKING HIS MOTHER.
I'M ASKING THE BENNET JEZUEIT.
WILL YOU PROTECT PAUL?
>> WHY ARE YOU HAVING THESE THOUGHTS?
BENNET, THIS IS NOT YOU.
>> I THOUGHT WE'D HAVE MORE TIME.
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME REBECCA FERGUSON!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> WOW!
>> Stephen: I HAVE SO LOOKED FORWARD TO THIS INTERVIEW.
>> ME, TOO.
LOOK AT ALL THIS.
>> Stephen: I KNOW, ISN'T IT LOVELY?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> IT'S REAL!
>> Stephen: IT'S REAL.
ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS.
>> YOU'RE ACTUALLY HERE.
>> Stephen: I-- I-- I-- WE'VE NEVER BEFORE.
>> WE HAVEN'T.
>> Stephen: I AM A HUGE FAN OF YOUR WORK, AND I'VE NEVER BEEN
MORE EXCITED TO TALK ABOUT A MOVIE.
OOOH, MAYBE EVER, THAN "DUNE."
PEOPLE ASSOCIATE ME WITH "LORD OF THE RINGS."
PEOPLE ASSOCIATE ME WITH "LORD OF THE RINGS" BUT "DUNE" IS
EQUALLY IMPORTANT TO ME.
IT'S COMBED INTO MY MIND, IN MY SOUL.
AND I WILL SAY FOR THE RECORD-- THIS IS MY REVIEW-- A PERFECT
ADAPTATION OF THIS BOOK.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> WHY AM I APPLAUDING?
>> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY.
DID YOU HAVE ANY FAMILIARITY WITH THIS BOOK BEFORE YOU PLAYED
THE PART OF LADY JESSICA?
>> I FEEL LIKE I'M IN SCHOOL.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: DID YOU DO THE HOMEWORK?
>> HMMM!
CAN I JUST FIRST OF ALL SAY, I AM SO EXCITED TO BE HERE.
ALSO TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO HAS READ, AND WHAT I UNDERSTAND,
LIVED AND LOVED A STORY LIKE "DUNE."
IT'S QUITE DAUNTING TO BE ON THIS END OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE.
BUT TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION HELP ( LAUGHS )
( DEEP BREATHS ).
>> Stephen: I DON'T MEAN TO DAUNT MY GUESTS.
I PROMISE YOU.
I AM VERY EXCITED TO HAVE YOU.
I AM SLIGHTLY DAUNTED BY YOUR TALENT.
>> LET'S BE DAUNTIFULLY DAUNTED.
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU READ THE BOOK?
>> NO, I HAVEN'T.
>> Stephen: IS THAT SO PAINFUL?
TEAR OFF THE BAND-AID.
YOU HAD NOT.
>> JOKES ASIDE.
>> Stephen: DID YOU KNOW ANYTHING?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: HOW DID YOU GET THE PART?
( LAUGHTER ).
>> SO I WAS AT HOME...
THINGS JUST FEEL NORMAL UNTIL I'M SITTING HERE.
SO, MY AGENTS CALLED AND THEY SAID, "DENIS VILLENEUVE, HE
WANTS TO HAVE A MEETING WITH YOU."
AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS MAKING.
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE FILM WAS ABOUT.
I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING.
AND I GOT VERY EXCITED AND NERVOUS.
AND THEN I HAD AN HOUR AND A HALF, MAYBE TWO-HOUR, ZOOM,
SKYPE-- WHATEVER, I SUPPORT ALL OF THE MEDIA OPTIONS OUT THERE.
( LAUGHTER ) SEE WHAT I DID THERE?
>> Stephen: SURE, I DID.
>> THANK YOU.
HIS, DENIS' LOVE, VERSION, THAT HE WANTED TO CREATE, THAT IS
WHAT I WAS ON THE RECEIVING END OF.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT STICK AROUND.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE REBECCA FERGUSON.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WE'RE BACK WITH ONE OF THE STARS OF "DUNE," REBECCA FERGUSON.
FOR THOSE OUT THERE WHO DON'T KNOW, "DUNE" IS ABOUT A DESSERT
PLANET WHERE ONE OF THE NOBLE FAMILIES GETS GIVEN THIS PLANET
BY THE EMPEROR, REALLY TO DESTROY THE FAMILY.
YOU LEARN THAT IN THE FIRST FEW MINUTES.
>> YOU DO.
WHATEVER YOU SAY, I'M GOING TO AGREE WITH YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU REALLY DO.
>> IT'S A WAR OF-- IT'S KIND OF THE STORY OF EVERYTHING, ISN'T
IT?
I REFER TO IT AS THINGS I'VE DONE BACK IN THE DAY, LIKE THE
IT'S THE WAR OF THE THRONE, THE WAR OF THE ROSES.
IT'S "THE GAME OF THRONES."
BUT ONE SECOND YOU'RE POWERFUL AND WITH THE FLIP OF A COIN,
YOU'RE DOOMED, YOU KNOW,.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS THE CHARACTER, LADY JESSICA IS
INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT, AND INCREDIBLY POWERFUL, AND WE GET
THAT IN YOUR PERFORMANCE IN-- VERY CONFLICTED, HEARTBROKEN BY
THE POWER SHE WIELDS AND THE ROLE SHE HAS TO PLAY IN THE
STORY.
DENIS' KNOWLEDGE OF THE BOOK, WERE YOU ABLE TO GO TO HIM AS A
TOUCHSTONE AND ASK WHAT HAPPENED IN THE PERMANENT DYNAMICS.
>> I TRIED READING THIS BOOK.
IT WAS HARD.
IT WAS DENNIS.
I WAS LIKE, YES, YES, ANYWAY, DENIS, YOU KNOW PAGE 25...
NO, TO BE HONEST, HE HAD SUCH A VISION OF THIS CHARACTER.
AND I CAN FEEL SOMETIMES THERE'S A POSSIBILITY TO NOT AD LIB BUT
COME IDEAS, COME WITH IDEAS OF CHARACTER.
THIS ONE WAS SO IMPORTANT TO STICK TO THE BOOK AND TO THIS
ROLE.
YOU KNOW, HE STUCK TO THE THEME THAT WAS JESSICA, AND THEN KIND
UPON DEFIBRILLATED THIS MODERNIZATION OF HER.
AND IT WAS DOWN TO JUST ONGOING CONVERSATIONS WITH HIM WHAT
CHARACTER AND WHAT CHARACTER TRAIT ARE WE PLAYING IN CERTAIN
MOMENTS?
IS IT THE PROTECTIVE MOTHER?
IS IT A TRAINER?
IS IT SOMEONE WHO FEARS FOR THE LIFE OF THEIR CHILD, YET I--
SHE-- IS THE PERSON WHO CREATES THE DISASTER?
YOU KNOW?
>> Stephen: IT'S AN AMAZING CAST.
TIMOTHEE CHALAMET, ZENDAYA, OSCAR ISAAC, AND JOSH BROLIN.
>> CHARLOTTE RAMPLING.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
>> CAN I GET THAT ONE?
>> Stephen: WHAT IS FEAR?
>> FEAR IS THE LITTLE DEATH THAT BRINGS TOTAL OBLITERATION.
I WILL LET IT PASS THROUGH ME AND OVER ME AND WHERE FEAR HAS
GONE, ONLY I WILL REMAIN.
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
AM I CLOSE.
MIND KILLER.
>> Stephen: SPEAK OF FEAR, ANXIETY AT LEAST, BEING ON A
MOVIE SET-- >> LIKE NOW.
>> Stephen: ...IS A LITTLE LIKE BEING IN A HIGH SCHOOL
CAFETERIA.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHO TO HANG OUT WITH.
SOMETIMES YOU'RE MEETING THESE PEOPLE FOR THE FIRST TIME.
YOU MIGHT BE FANS OF YOUR CLASS.
THIS GROUPS,s SHALL MAY, JOSH BROLIN, OSCAR ISAAC, ZENDAYA,
WHO DO YOU HANG OUT WITH IN BETWEEN?
WHO ARE YOUR BUDDIES?
>> I'LL TELL YOU, THERE ARE TWO GUYS ON SET-- DO YOU KNOW AT
SCHOOL, THERE ARE ALWAYS TWO-- ALWAYS THOSE TWO POPULAR PEOPLE
YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF.
AND IT'S NOT THAT THEY DON'T LET YOU IN.
THEY JUST DON'T LET YOU IN.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE THEY'RE HAVING FUN WITH EACH OTHER.
>> I DON'T FEEL LIKE MENTIONING NAMES, BUT OSCAR ISAAC AND JOSH
BROLIN DID THIS.
IT MADE ME FEEL THIS BIG.
LITERALLY, THEY WOULD SIT CONNECTED AND I WOULD CARRY MY
OWN APPLE BOX BOX.
>> Audience: OOOH.
>> I KNOW.
>> Stephen: DID YOU EVER CRACK?
>> I DID.
I ASKED FOR OSCAR'S NUMBER.
THEN I ASKED FOR JASON-- FOR JOSH-- WHATEVER, WHOEVER.
>> Stephen: BROLIN.
>> IS HE EVEN IN THE FILM?
AND THEN I SENT A TEXT TO ALL OF US AND I CREATED A GROUP CHAT,
AND NOW WE SEND FAMILY PICTURES.
HIGH FIVE!
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: WOW.
HIGH FIVE, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
SO YOU HAVE-- YOU HAVE OSCAR ISAAC AND BROLIN'S NUMBERS.
I CAN GET BROLIN'S NUMBER?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
I MEAN, I DON'T CARE.
>> Stephen: HE-- HE OWES ME MONEY.
40 BUCKS.
>> JASON MOMOA OWES ME MONEY.
>> Stephen: DOES HE?
>> Stephen: STARS.
>> RIDICULOUS.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE ONE MORE BREAK.
STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE LADY JESSICA FROM
"DUNE," REBECCA FERGUSON.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE BACK WITH ONE OF THE STARS OF "DUNE," THE LOVELY AND
TALENTED REBECCA FERGUSON.
NOW, THIS IS A SHOT-- THIS IS YOU WITH TIMOTHEE PLAYING PAUL
AND LADY JESSICA.
THE STILL SUITS ARE, YOU KNOW, SKIN, YOU KNOW, CLINGING SUITS
THAT CYCLE YOUR WATER AND EVERYTHING.
AND YOU HAVE TO PUT THE TUBE UP YOUR NOSE BECAUSE IT'S CYCLING
THE WATER COMING THROUGH YOUR BREATH AND YOU PUT A MASK ON.
>> DOES THAT MAKE SENSE, THOUGH.
>> Stephen: DOES IT MAKE SENSE?
>> WE ALWAYS HAD FUN WITH THIS ONE BECAUSE IT WAS SO ANNOYING.
WE KEPT SAYING, "CAN WE TAKE IT OUT?"
IT WAS, "NO, THAT IS THE ESSENCE OF YOUR SURVIVAL."
>> Stephen: YOU BREATHE IN THROUGH THE MASK AND OUT THROUGH
THE NOSE.
YOU KNOW THAT BECAUSE YOU READ THE BOOK.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
BY THE WAY, I DID READ THE BOOK.
I DID READ THE BOOK.
>> Stephen: IT TOOK A WHILE TO PRY THAT OUT OF YOU.
>> I HAVEN'T FINISHED IT.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED IT.
>> SO MY QUESTION TO YOU...
>> Stephen: YES?
>> IS, IF IN CASE WE WERE TO CONTINUE...
>> Stephen: YES.
>> DO I HAVE A BIG ROLE?
>> Stephen: YES, YES.
I'VE SEEN THE MOVIE, AND I DON'T WANT TO GIVE ANYTHING AWAY--
>> REALLY.
>> Stephen: I DON'T WANT TO GIVE ANYTHING AWAY OF WHAT
HAPPENS, BECAUSE THE MOVIE THAT PEOPLE WILL SEE IN THRONGS-- AND
PLEASE, SEE THE MOVIE IN A THEATER IF YOU CAN.
GET VACCINATED JUST TO SEE IT IN A MOVIE THEATER.
>> I AGREE.
>> Stephen: IT'S EXTRAORDINARY.
>> THE SOUND!
>> Stephen: WHERE IT ENDS-- >> WE'RE NOT GOING TO EXPOSE,
TELL YOU.
>> Stephen: WE'RE NOT GOING TO SAY WHERE IT ENDS.
BUT THERE IS SO MUCH MORE THAT YOU DO.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> OH, THIS IS FUN!
I LIKE THIS!
>> Stephen: OH, GOOD.
>> I WAS GOING TO SAY TO YOU, I HAD MY-- THE FIRST SCREENING,
WHICH IS ALWAYS TERRIFYING.
THERE ARE ALWAYS MOMENTS YOU READ A SCRIPT, THE READING OF
THE SCRIPT IS VERY RARELY THE SAME AS SHOOTING A SCRIPT,
SHOOTING A SCRIPT IS DIFFERENT THAN WATCHING THE MOVIE.
GOING THROUGH A MOVIE YOU GO THROUGH MANY STAGES.
I CRIED THE FIRST TIME I SAW THE FILM.
>> Stephen: I DID, TOO?
>> REALLY.
>> Stephen: YES?
>> IT WAS MY SCENES.
>> Stephen: ONLY YOURS.
AND THE GONGUBAR SCENE IS GOING ON-- AND, AGAIN, NO ONE WILL
KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, AND ( BLEEP ), I DON'T CARE.
WHERE YOU'RE HAVING TO ALLOW THE GONGUBAR--
>> I ACTIVATED IT.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE-- >> I AM THE CREATOR OF DISASTER.
>> Stephen: WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH OUTSIDE THAT DOOR TORE
INTO ME AS A PARENT.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU GOING TO CRY?
>> NO, THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: THEY'RE TELLING ME TO RAP, YET, I REFUSE.
HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU POINT TO THE RAP SIGN?
THREE.
NO, RIGHT.
WELL, IT'S BRILLIANT.
YOU'RE GREAT IN IT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
"DUNE" IS IN THEATERS AND ON HBO MAX ON OCT 22.
REBECCA FERGUSON, EVERYBODY!
THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.