1 00:00:01,267 --> 00:00:02,335 >> FLORIDA'S REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR 2 00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:03,370 RON DeSANTIS ANNOUNCING THE STATE'S NEW SURGEON GENERAL 3 00:00:03,436 --> 00:00:04,938 DR. JOSEPH LADAPO. 4 00:00:05,004 --> 00:00:10,410 >> HE'S ANTIMASK, HE'S VACCINE THESE AMERICA'S FRONTLINE 5 00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:12,979 DOCTORS' EVENTS WITH, FOR INSTANCE, I THINK THE DEMON 6 00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:16,149 SPERM DOCTOR. 7 00:00:16,216 --> 00:00:20,954 >> GOOD AFTERNOON, I'M PLEASED TO BE ABLE TO BE WITH Y'ALL 8 00:00:21,020 --> 00:00:24,958 TODAY TO ANNOUNCE THAT DR. JOSEPH LADAPO WILL BE 9 00:00:25,024 --> 00:00:27,861 SUCCEEDING DR. SCOTT RIFKIN AS SURGEON GENERAL OF THE STATE OF 10 00:00:27,927 --> 00:00:28,962 FLORIDA. 11 00:00:29,028 --> 00:00:31,297 ADDITIONALLY, I'VE GOT SOME OTHER EQUALLY APPROPRIATE 12 00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:34,401 APPOINTMENTS TO SHARE WITH YOU TODAY. 13 00:00:34,467 --> 00:00:36,970 FOR SECRETARY OF ENERGY, MERLE RODNEY. 14 00:00:37,036 --> 00:00:44,944 >> DON'T TRY TO -- FOR SECRETARY OF FISH AND 15 00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:48,948 WILDLIFE, NED TURNHILL. 16 00:00:49,015 --> 00:00:51,351 AND FOR SECRETARY OF TRANSPORTATION, I HAVE APPOINTED 17 00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:52,385 CHET. 18 00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:55,955 ( LAUGHTER ) ( BLEEP ). 19 00:00:56,022 --> 00:00:56,923 ( BLEEP ). 20 00:00:56,990 --> 00:00:58,124 >> THANK YOU. 21 00:00:58,191 --> 00:01:00,960 IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, PLEASE PRESENT THEM TO MY NEWLY 22 00:01:01,027 --> 00:01:04,397 APPOINTED PRESS SECRETARY. 23 00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:07,100 ( SPEAKING IN TONGUES ) >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE 24 00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:15,241 SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! 25 00:01:15,308 --> 00:01:22,248 TONIGHT, OKAY, BREWSTER, PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES ANDERSON 26 00:01:22,315 --> 00:01:27,086 COOPER, AND MUSICAL GUEST JOHN MAYER. 27 00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:31,524 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN." 28 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:36,529 AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 29 00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:44,938 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 30 00:01:45,004 --> 00:01:48,908 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HEY! 31 00:01:48,975 --> 00:01:52,946 HEY, I HAVE MISSED THIS! 32 00:01:53,012 --> 00:02:06,025 ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 33 00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:08,962 PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY! 34 00:02:09,028 --> 00:02:09,729 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 35 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:10,663 THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP. 36 00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:12,298 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 37 00:02:12,365 --> 00:02:16,736 WELCOME ONE AND ALL HERE, OUT THERE TO "THE LATE SHOW." 38 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,639 I AM YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. 39 00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:21,274 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 40 00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:27,647 -- WE ARE 18 MONTHS INTO THIS CORONAVIRUS PARTY, AND I THINK I 41 00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:29,015 SPEAK FOR A LOT OF US WHEN I SAY, "BARKEEP, HOW ABOUT ANOTHER 42 00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:34,921 ROUND OF SHOTS?" AND WE'RE GETTING THEM, BECAUSE 43 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,757 YESTERDAY THE F.D.A. AUTHORIZED PFIZER BOOSTER SHOTS FOR 44 00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:40,927 AMERICANS 65 AND OLDER. 45 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:45,498 THAT'S GREAT NEWS. 46 00:02:45,565 --> 00:02:49,869 AND TO MAKE SURE ONLY SENIORS GET THE SHOT, THE VACCINATION 47 00:02:49,936 --> 00:02:57,477 SITE IS A DENNY'S BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 3:00 AND 4:15. 48 00:02:57,544 --> 00:03:01,481 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE PASSWORD IS "I MISS PAY 49 00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:05,485 PHONES." 50 00:03:05,552 --> 00:03:07,921 ( LAUGHTER ) ALONG WITH SENIORS, THE AGENCY 51 00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:10,023 OKAYED BOOSTERS FOR THOSE IN WORKPLACES WITH HIGH EXPOSURE 52 00:03:10,089 --> 00:03:13,526 RISK, AND "THOSE WITH HIGH-RISK CONDITIONS." 53 00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:21,467 YOU KNOW, LIKE DIABETES, OR LIVING IN FLORIDA. 54 00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,369 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 55 00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:25,138 IT'S NOT JUST FLORIDA. 56 00:03:25,204 --> 00:03:28,641 MORE ON THAT LATER -- OR EARLIER, ONE OF THE TWO. 57 00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:30,143 IT'S NOT JUST SENIORS LINING UP FOR SHOTS. 58 00:03:30,209 --> 00:03:33,479 THIS WEEK PFIZER ANNOUNCED THAT ITS COVID-19 VACCINE WORKS IN 59 00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:34,914 KIDS AGES 5-11. 60 00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:40,920 FINALLY, OUR CHILDREN WILL BE SAFE FROM COVID. 61 00:03:40,987 --> 00:03:44,891 SO THEY CAN GO BACK TO SPREADING EVERY OTHER DISEASE KNOWN TO 62 00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:45,525 MAN. 63 00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:48,861 THEY'RE ADORABLE CESSPOOLS. 64 00:03:48,928 --> 00:03:50,597 ( LAUGHTER ) EXPERTS ESTIMATE THAT MILLIONS 65 00:03:50,663 --> 00:03:52,932 OF ELEMENTARY SCHOOL STUDENTS COULD BEGIN TO RECEIVE SHOTS 66 00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:55,835 AROUND HALLOWEEN. 67 00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:58,938 KIDS CAN'T GET THE SAME DOSE AS ADULTS, SO THIS HALLOWEEN, GET 68 00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:02,709 READY FOR P-FUN SIZE P-FIZER. 69 00:04:02,775 --> 00:04:04,911 BUT PARENTS, DON'T FORGET TO CHECK THE NEEDLES TO MAKE SURE 70 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:08,247 THERE'S NOT A RAZOR IN THERE. 71 00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:09,983 NOT ENOUGH AMERICANS ARE GETTING VACCINATED BECAUSE OF ALL THE 72 00:04:10,049 --> 00:04:12,952 BAD ADVICE OUT THERE. 73 00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:16,389 I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF 74 00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:17,156 "DISINFORMATION STATION." 75 00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:26,899 >> I LIKE BIG BALLS AND I ALSO LIE! 76 00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:28,534 ( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: TONIGHT'S WHOPPER 77 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:33,473 COMES FROM DISGRACED FORMER NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER AND 78 00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:39,879 MAN WEARING HALLOWEEN MASK OF MICHAEL FLYNN, MICHAEL FLYNN. 79 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:43,549 ON TUESDAY, FLYNN APPEARED ON A RIGHT-WING PODCAST AND SPREAD 80 00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:45,918 THIS BIT OF INSANITY: >> SOMEBODY SENT ME A THING THIS 81 00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:48,955 MORNING WHERE THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT PUTTING THE VACCINE INTO 82 00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,123 SALAD DRESSING, OR SALADS. 83 00:04:50,189 --> 00:04:53,760 HAVE YOU SEEN THIS? 84 00:04:53,826 --> 00:04:58,064 >> Stephen: YES! 85 00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:58,931 HAVE YOU SEEN THIS? 86 00:04:58,998 --> 00:04:59,565 >> STEPHEN: NOPE. 87 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:00,700 CAN'T SAY THAT I HAVE. 88 00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:02,101 BUT THEN AGAIN, I DON'T SUBSCRIBE TO "SOMEBODY SENT ME A 89 00:05:02,168 --> 00:05:04,037 THING MAGAZINE." 90 00:05:04,103 --> 00:05:05,338 SOMEBODY SENT ME A THING! 91 00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:07,640 THAT'S HOW HE LEADS OFF. 92 00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:10,109 THIS MAN USED TO BE NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER. 93 00:05:10,176 --> 00:05:11,844 IN HIS ADVISORY CAPACITY, I WONDER IF HE EVER WALKED INTO 94 00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:13,112 THE OVAL OFFICE AND SAID "MR. 95 00:05:13,179 --> 00:05:17,550 PRESIDENT, SOMEBODY SENT ME A THING." 96 00:05:17,617 --> 00:05:19,552 AND, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. 97 00:05:19,619 --> 00:05:22,288 FLYNN CLAIMS THAT THE GOVERNMENT'S PLAN IS TO SNEAK 98 00:05:22,355 --> 00:05:26,125 THE VACCINES INTO AMERICAN FOOD, AND THEIR CHOSEN VESSEL IS 99 00:05:26,192 --> 00:05:29,495 SALAD? 100 00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:30,697 ( LAUGHTER ) REALLY? 101 00:05:30,763 --> 00:05:36,903 YOU MIGHT WANT TO PUT IT IN SOMETHING WE ACTUALLY EAT, LIKE 102 00:05:36,969 --> 00:05:37,804 PIZZA HUT'S VAX-LOVER'S PIZZA. 103 00:05:37,870 --> 00:05:41,574 THEY BAKE THE NEEDLE RIGHT INTO THE CRUST. 104 00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:43,643 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OH, MAN... 105 00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:46,713 I COULD GO FOR A SLICE, ALWAYS. 106 00:05:46,779 --> 00:05:47,847 WHERE DID FLYNN GET THE IDEA? 107 00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:50,316 WELL, IT WAS LIKELY SPAWNED BY A NEW STUDY ABOUT HOW MRNA 108 00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:55,788 VACCINES COULD ONE DAY BE GROWN IN EDIBLE PLANTS SUCH AS 109 00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:58,124 LETTUCE, MEANING THEY COULD BE STORED AT ROOM TEMPERATURE. 110 00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:04,263 YES, THE PERFECT LONG-TERM STORAGE DEVICE: LETTUCE. 111 00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:08,134 NEXT, IT'S GOING TO BE AVOCADOS AND UNREFRIGERATED SHRIMP. 112 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,103 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT FACT-CHECKERS HAVE ALREADY 113 00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:15,942 EVALUATED FLYNN'S CLAIM AND DECLARED, THE COVID-19 VACCINE 114 00:06:16,008 --> 00:06:18,111 IS NOT BEING PUT INTO SALAD DRESSING, NOR HAS ANYONE 115 00:06:18,177 --> 00:06:20,613 PROPOSED SUCH A THING. 116 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,115 SO IT'S BEEN DEBUNKED. 117 00:06:22,181 --> 00:06:23,549 BUT I'M STILL SUSPICIOUS. 118 00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:26,419 IF SALAD DRESSINGS ARE SO INNOCENT, HOW COME THEY'RE MADE 119 00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:30,356 IN A HIDDEN VALLEY? 120 00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:34,127 ( LAUGHTER ) THAT RANCH SHOULD BE ON TOP OF A 121 00:06:34,193 --> 00:06:35,561 HILL, WHERE WE CAN ALL SEE IT. 122 00:06:35,628 --> 00:06:38,131 IF TRUE, WHO'S BEHIND THIS? 123 00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:41,567 IS IT THE RUSSIANS? 124 00:06:41,634 --> 00:06:43,603 IS IT THE FRENCH? 125 00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:45,338 IS IT THE ITALIANS? 126 00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:50,109 OR IS IT THE CREAMY ITALIANS? 127 00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:51,210 THE ZESTY ITALIANS? 128 00:06:51,277 --> 00:06:53,579 YOU COULD SEARCH A THOUSAND ISLANDS AND NEVER FIND THE 129 00:06:53,646 --> 00:06:54,814 ANSWER. 130 00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:58,117 I PRAY TO GREEN GODDESS THAT IS DOESN'T REWRITE MY D.N.A. AND 131 00:06:58,184 --> 00:07:03,556 MAKE ME A NEW MAN. 132 00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:10,129 I HOPE I DON'T VINAGRETTE GETTING IT. 133 00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:12,298 BLUE CHEESE. 134 00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:14,167 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU. 135 00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:17,203 THANK YOU. 136 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:20,206 I'M ANGRY! 137 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:20,473 ANGRY! 138 00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:22,108 AM I? 139 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:23,409 I'M SUSPICIOUS. 140 00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:24,977 >> Jon: YEAH, YEAH. 141 00:07:25,044 --> 00:07:28,447 >> Stephen: NOW -- VACCINES AREN'T THE ONLY WAY TO 142 00:07:28,514 --> 00:07:29,415 STAY SAFE. 143 00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:30,583 THERE ARE ALSO MASKS. 144 00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:32,885 AND IN AN EFFORT TO PROTECT NEW YORKERS ON THE SUBWAY, THE 145 00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,588 M.T.A. IS GOING TO START ISSUING $50 FINES TO RIDERS NOT WEARING 146 00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:39,125 MASKS. 147 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:43,095 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YEAH, DAMN STRAIGHT, ABOUT DAMN 148 00:07:43,162 --> 00:07:44,197 TIME. 149 00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:46,699 YOU HEAR THAT DID SUBWAY BREAK DANCERS WHO ARE SELLING 150 00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:48,968 SANDWICHES WHILE MASTURBATING? 151 00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:56,609 PUT ON A MASK OR THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES! 152 00:07:56,676 --> 00:07:58,110 SPEAKING OF MASTURBATING, THE U.N. GENERAL ASSEMBLY IS THIS 153 00:07:58,177 --> 00:07:59,278 WEEK. 154 00:07:59,345 --> 00:08:02,114 IT'S AN OPPORTUNITY FOR WORLD LEADERS TO MEET AND EXCHANGE 155 00:08:02,181 --> 00:08:04,183 INNOVATIVE COVID STRAINS. 156 00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:05,585 GOING INTO IT, THE U.S. AND FRANCE WERE HAVING A BIT OF A 157 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:08,521 KERFUFFLE. 158 00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:13,326 OR, AS THEY CALL IT IN FRENCH, "UN PETIT KERFOO-FLAY." 159 00:08:13,392 --> 00:08:16,929 IT STARTED LAST WEEK WHEN FRENCH LEADERS GOT MAD ABOUT A DEAL 160 00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:17,830 BETWEEN THE U.S. AND U.K. 161 00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:22,134 TO BUILD NUCLEAR SUBMARINES FOR AUSTRALIA. 162 00:08:22,201 --> 00:08:23,636 NOTHING IS MORE INSULTING TO THE FRENCH THAN BEING LEFT OUT OF A 163 00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:28,374 THREE-WAY. 164 00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:34,113 ( LAUGHTER ) FRANCE GOT THEIR PANTALOONS IN A 165 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:37,750 CHIGNON BECAUSE THEY HAD THEIR OWN DEAL TO BUILD SUBMARINES FOR 166 00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:40,386 AUSTRALIA, BUT THE AUSSIES BACKED OUT, SAYING FRENCH 167 00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:42,188 SUBMARINES WERE INFERIOR TO THE TECHNOLOGY OFFERED BY THE U.S. 168 00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:45,691 AND U.K. 169 00:08:45,758 --> 00:08:47,593 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) >> Stephen: OH, YEAH. 170 00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:48,828 IT'S TRUE. 171 00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:50,129 THE U.S. HAS AMAZING SUBMARINE TECHNOLOGY, AND THE FRENCH ONES 172 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:53,599 LOOK LIKE THIS: >> BEEP-- HUNGH, HUNGH, HUNGH. 173 00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:56,836 BEEP-- HUNGH, HUNGH, HUNGH. 174 00:08:56,903 --> 00:08:57,904 BEEP-- HUNGH, HUNGH, HUNGH. 175 00:08:57,970 --> 00:08:58,537 BEEP-- HUNGH, HUNGH, HUNGH. 176 00:08:58,604 --> 00:09:00,973 BEEP-- HUNGH, HUNGH, HUNGH. 177 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:04,377 >> Stephen: THEY'RE VERY VERY LOUD. 178 00:09:04,443 --> 00:09:12,351 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THEY GO STALE, YOU 179 00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:17,590 HAVE TO MAKE THEM INTO CREW TONS THE NEXT DAY. 180 00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:19,158 ( LAUGHTER ) THE FEUD WAS SO UGLY THAT FOR 181 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:20,927 THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY, THE FRENCH AMBASSADOR TO THE U.S. 182 00:09:20,993 --> 00:09:22,128 WAS RECALLED TO PARIS. 183 00:09:22,194 --> 00:09:23,596 IN RETALIATION, THE U.S. STATE DEPARTMENT RECALLED EMILY FROM 184 00:09:23,663 --> 00:09:27,199 PARIS. 185 00:09:27,266 --> 00:09:30,736 ONE GUY WHO LIKED THE SUBMARINE DEAL WAS BRITISH PRIME MINISTER 186 00:09:30,803 --> 00:09:41,580 AND MAN WHOSE MOTHER WAS A HAYSTACK, BORIS JOHNSON. 187 00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:42,782 JOHNSON SPOKE TO THE U.N. 188 00:09:42,848 --> 00:09:44,483 YESTERDAY, AND ADDRESSED THE ISSUE OF CLIMATE CHANGE WITH THE 189 00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:46,118 SERIOUSNESS IT DESERVES. 190 00:09:46,185 --> 00:09:50,122 >> WHEN KERMIT THE FROG-- KERMIT THE FROG SANG "IT'S NOT 191 00:09:50,189 --> 00:09:55,227 EASY BEIN' GREEN"-- YOU REMEMBER THAT ONE? 192 00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:58,130 I WANT YOU TO KNOW, HE WAS WRONG. 193 00:09:58,197 --> 00:10:01,801 HE WAS WRONG. 194 00:10:01,867 --> 00:10:02,568 IT IS EASY. 195 00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:05,571 IT'S NOT ONLY EASY, IT'S LUCRATIVE. 196 00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:10,109 AND IT'S RIGHT TO BE GREEN. 197 00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:13,612 AND HE WAS ALSO UNNECESSARILY RUDE TO MISS PIGGY. 198 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:14,680 I THOUGHT, KERMIT THE FROG." 199 00:10:14,747 --> 00:10:15,715 >> STEPHEN: (AS BORIS) "WE HAVE BEEN AS CRUEL TO THE 200 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:16,349 CLIMATE AS STATLER AND WALDORF WERE TO FOZZY BEAR. 201 00:10:16,415 --> 00:10:20,486 REMEMBER THAT EPISODE? 202 00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:24,490 ANIMAL IS BEATING THE DRUMS OF ALARM, AND WE MUST HEED THE 203 00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:27,960 GARBLED RAMBLINGS OF THE SWEDISH CHEF-- HE'S VERY UPSET. 204 00:10:28,027 --> 00:10:28,794 ABOUT SEA-LEVEL RISE! 205 00:10:28,861 --> 00:10:31,764 IF WE DON'T ACT, THINGS WILL GO GONZO. 206 00:10:31,831 --> 00:10:39,939 BUT SOME DAY, WE'LL FIND IT, THE RAINBOW CONNECTION. 207 00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:43,776 IN CONCLUSION, MAHNA-MAHNA. 208 00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:44,477 DOO-DOO, DOO-DOO-DOO. 209 00:10:44,543 --> 00:10:47,680 MAHNA-MAHNA. 210 00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:48,981 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NOW, WHAT OTHER SHOWS DO MY SIX 211 00:10:49,048 --> 00:10:53,552 NEWLY-REVEALED CHILDREN LOVE?" JOHNSON WENT ON TO EXPLAIN THAT 212 00:10:53,619 --> 00:10:56,756 ON THE GEOLOGICAL SCALE, HUMANS AS A SPECIES ARE IN THEIR 213 00:10:56,822 --> 00:11:00,493 ADOLESCENCE. 214 00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:03,062 >> WE ARE NOW SWEET 16. 215 00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:06,732 WE HAVE COME TO THAT FATEFUL AGE WHEN WE KNOW ROUGHLY HOW TO 216 00:11:06,799 --> 00:11:08,734 DRIVE AND WE KNOW HOW TO UNLOCK THE DRINKS CABINET, AND TO 217 00:11:08,801 --> 00:11:12,538 ENGAGE IN ALL SORTS OF ACTIVITY THAT IS NOT ONLY POTENTIALLY 218 00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:14,473 EMBARRASSING BUT ALSO TERMINAL. 219 00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:17,910 >> STEPHEN: UNLOCKING THE DRINKS CABINET? 220 00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:19,512 WAY TO MAKE IT RELATABLE, MR. OXFORD. 221 00:11:19,578 --> 00:11:21,947 (POSH ACCENT) "IT'S JUST LIKE YOUR 222 00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:24,483 FIRST ILLICIT KISS WITH THE GOVERNESS AS SHE BRINGS YOU YOUR 223 00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:27,887 CREAM TEA. 224 00:11:27,953 --> 00:11:30,856 YOU FEEL SOMETHING STIR IN YOUR JODHPURS, AND YOU SIMPLY MUST 225 00:11:30,923 --> 00:11:33,959 TELL NIGEL AT THE DUKE'S CHRISTMAS LUNCHEON! 226 00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:36,495 YOU KNOW, CLIMATE CHANGE!" WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 227 00:11:36,562 --> 00:11:39,665 TONIGHT. 228 00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:42,868 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MY GUEST IS ANDERSON COOPER. 229 00:11:42,935 --> 00:11:46,105 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!" 230 00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:47,540 >> Stephen: JOIN US, WON'T YOU? 231 00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:24,443 >> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN," EVERYBODY! 232 00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:29,048 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: WHOO! 233 00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:32,885 WHOO! 234 00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:33,385 >> Stephen: FANTASTIC. 235 00:12:33,452 --> 00:12:35,387 >> Jon: YAY! 236 00:12:35,454 --> 00:12:38,657 >> Stephen: JON, I GOT IT RIGHT HERE, I GOT THE CARDS. 237 00:12:38,724 --> 00:12:41,961 I'M TALKING TO OUR TIER FRIEND ANDERSON COOPER IS HERE TONIGHT. 238 00:12:42,027 --> 00:12:43,062 >> Jon: ALL RIGHT. 239 00:12:43,129 --> 00:12:45,564 >> Stephen: ANDERSON COOPER 360. 240 00:12:45,631 --> 00:12:46,232 BABY BLUES. 241 00:12:46,298 --> 00:12:47,299 HE MAY NOT EVEN KNOW THIS. 242 00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:49,902 THIS IS A RED LETTER NIGHT. 243 00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:54,273 THIS IS ANDERSON COOPER'S TENTH APPEARANCE ON "THE LATE SHOW." 244 00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:56,242 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: THAT'S AMAZING. 245 00:12:56,308 --> 00:12:57,076 >> Stephen: YEAH. 246 00:12:57,143 --> 00:12:59,945 HE GETS A FREE HOAGIE. 247 00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:02,381 ( LAUGHTER ) I GOT TO PUNCH HIS CARD. 248 00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:06,685 REMIND ME TO PUNCH HIS CARD BEFORE HE LEAVES, ELSE IT'S NOT 249 00:13:06,752 --> 00:13:07,553 VALID. 250 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:11,423 CAN'T GIVE HIM THE SANDWICH IF HE LEAVES. 251 00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:12,558 IT'S THE WEEKEND. 252 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:15,394 YOU OR ANYBODY ELSE IN THE BAND GOT ANY GIGS COMING UP? 253 00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:16,962 >> Jon: GLOBAL CITIZENS FEST. 254 00:13:17,029 --> 00:13:18,664 >> Stephen: OH, YEAH! 255 00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:19,431 THIS WEEKEND! 256 00:13:19,498 --> 00:13:20,799 >> Jon: YES. 257 00:13:20,866 --> 00:13:22,868 >> Stephen: I REMEMBER THAT THING. 258 00:13:22,935 --> 00:13:23,569 >> Jon: YES. 259 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:24,837 >> Stephen: WHO ALL IS PLAYING. 260 00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:26,071 >> Jon: WE ALL ARE. 261 00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:29,742 >> Stephen: WHO ELSE WILL YOU BE PLAYING WITH OTHER PEOPLE OR 262 00:13:29,808 --> 00:13:31,844 ARE YOU GOING TO DO YOUR OWN SET. 263 00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:35,915 >> Jon: WE'RE GOING TO DO OUR SET, PERFORMANCES WITH CINDY 264 00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:39,185 LAUPER, LESLIE KARA, CHRIS MARTIN. 265 00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:40,252 >> Stephen: WOW. 266 00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:44,089 >> Jon: I THINK THERE'S A GREAT INTRO WE'RE ACTUALLY 267 00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:46,892 CREATING WITH PEOPLE ALL ACROSS THE WORLD PLAYING AT THE SAME 268 00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:47,560 TIME. 269 00:13:47,626 --> 00:13:48,060 >> Stephen: ON THE GREAT LAWN. 270 00:13:48,127 --> 00:13:48,761 >> Jon: GREAT LAWN. 271 00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:49,628 >> Stephen: CENTRAL PARK. 272 00:13:49,695 --> 00:13:50,629 >> Jon: SATURDAY. 273 00:13:50,696 --> 00:13:51,964 >> Stephen: GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ON THE WEATHER. 274 00:13:52,031 --> 00:13:56,202 >> Jon: YEAH. 275 00:13:56,268 --> 00:13:57,069 YES. 276 00:13:57,136 --> 00:13:58,304 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: BECAUSE THE LAST 277 00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:01,907 TIME YOU AND I WERE TOGETHER ON THE GREAT LAWN WAS FOR THE "WE 278 00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:06,111 LOVE NEW YORK" CONCERT COMING BACK. 279 00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:09,415 AT THE TIME, IT WAS THE HIGHEST HOURLY SINGLE RAINFALL IN THE 280 00:14:09,481 --> 00:14:11,383 HISTORY OF NEW YORK THAT NIGHT. 281 00:14:11,450 --> 00:14:15,387 ( LAUGHTER ) HAVE A GREAT SHOW AND BRING 282 00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:16,255 SCUBA GEAR. 283 00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:17,923 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: YES, INDEED IS THAT 284 00:14:17,990 --> 00:14:20,859 TRUE STORY. 285 00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:23,596 YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME RIGHT OVER THERE, PORING 286 00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:25,898 OVER THE DAY'S NEWSIEST, MOST TOPICAL NAUTICAL RECORDS TO 287 00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:29,902 DETERMINE THE ROUGH POSITIONS OF THE DAY'S TRENDING SHIPWRECKS. 288 00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:32,671 I THEN USE THE LATEST SONAR TECH TO LOCATE AND FIND THE 289 00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:36,675 ORIENTATION OF THE FINEST SALVAGE SITE. 290 00:14:36,742 --> 00:14:39,411 THEN MY TEAM OF CERTIFIED AND LICENSED COMEDY DIVERS DESCEND 291 00:14:39,478 --> 00:14:42,081 TO THE OCEAN FLOOR AND USE CUTTING EDGE UNDERWATER CAMERAS 292 00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:45,384 TO STITCH TOGETHER THE DETAILED 3D-MODELED HISTORIC ATOSHA 293 00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:48,954 SHIPWRECK SITE OF SATIRICAL OBSERVATIONS THAT IS MY 294 00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:50,222 MONOLOGUE. 295 00:14:50,289 --> 00:14:52,024 BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I WAKE UP NAKED BY THE DOCKS AND 296 00:14:52,091 --> 00:14:56,262 COVERED IN PIRATE TATTOOS, BLAST A STRING OF WHIPPETS, THEN 297 00:14:56,328 --> 00:14:57,997 STAGGER INTO THE FESTERING HUDSON RIVER, WHERE I SLOWLY 298 00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:01,900 SINK THROUGH THE MURK UNTIL I IMPALE MYSELF ON THE RUSTY AXLE 299 00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:05,904 OF A SUNKEN TAXI IN THE TETANUS-LACED CRIME SCENE OF 300 00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:09,408 NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT... 301 00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:12,144 >> "MEANWHILE!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 302 00:15:12,211 --> 00:15:15,948 >> Stephen: THAT WAS AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER. 303 00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:21,420 BUT THAT'S WHAT "MEANWHILE!" GIVES YOU. 304 00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:23,389 MEANWHILE, GRAB YOUR LOVED ONES AND MAKE YOUR PEACE WITH THE 305 00:15:23,455 --> 00:15:27,726 LORD, BECAUSE IT'S PUMPKIN SPICE SEASON. 306 00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:29,895 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) PUMPKIN SPICE IS EVERYWHERE THIS 307 00:15:29,962 --> 00:15:33,932 YEAR, FROM PUMPKIN SPICE RAVIOLI, TO BUD LIGHT PUMPKIN 308 00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:38,771 SPICE SELTZER, TO THE ULTIMATE TRAVESTY, PUMPKIN SPICE 309 00:15:38,837 --> 00:15:40,272 CUP-O-NOODLES. 310 00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:42,808 THE PERFECT BLEND OF "AUTUMN" AND "I DON'T GET PAID TILL 311 00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:45,911 FRIDAY." 312 00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:50,049 IF FOOD ISN'T YOUR THING, TRY A PUMPKIN SPICE-SCENTED FACE MASK. 313 00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:52,284 IT HAS NOTES OF NUTMEG, CINNAMON, AND WHATEVER YOU ATE 314 00:15:52,351 --> 00:15:54,787 FOR LUNCH. 315 00:15:54,853 --> 00:15:58,290 MEANWHILE, THIS VIDEO IS GOING VIRAL OF A LITTLE BOY WHO DIDN'T 316 00:15:58,357 --> 00:16:08,334 WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL, SO HE TOOK MATTERS INTO HIS OWN HANDS. 317 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:16,275 WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL, SO HE TOOK MATTERS INTO HIS OWN HANDS. 318 00:16:16,342 --> 00:16:23,582 >> Stephen: DO NOT PLAY ROCK-PAPER-SCISSORS WITH HIS 319 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:24,616 KID! 320 00:16:24,683 --> 00:16:25,617 AND THAT IS CLEARLY NOT HIS FIRST TIME DOING THAT! 321 00:16:25,684 --> 00:16:26,985 LOOK AT HOW HE WHIPS OUT THAT SHIV, AND GUNHHH! 322 00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:29,355 HE JUST ESCAPE FROM BABY PRISON? 323 00:16:29,421 --> 00:16:31,457 AND I THINK HE WANTS IT TO BE ON CAMERA. 324 00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:33,625 HE'S CLEARLY SENDING HIS PARENTS A MESSAGE. 325 00:16:33,692 --> 00:16:35,594 (AS TOUGH GUY) "YOU WANNA SEND ME TO SCHOOL? 326 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:40,265 YOU'LL BE SLEEPIN' WITH THE GOLDFISHES." 327 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:45,003 MEANWHILE, IN BASEBALL NEWS, M.M.A. LIGHTWEIGHT SUPERSTAR 328 00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,572 CONNOR MCGREGOR THREW OUT THE FIRST PITCH AT A CUBS GAME ON 329 00:16:46,638 --> 00:16:52,244 TUESDAY NIGHT. 330 00:16:52,311 --> 00:16:56,348 AND IT WENT SUPER -- OH, THERE YOU GO. 331 00:16:56,415 --> 00:16:58,283 CONGRATULATIONS, CONNOR, ON SUCCESSFULLY THROWING THE BALL 332 00:16:58,350 --> 00:16:59,952 BACK TO YOUR NATIVE IRELAND. 333 00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:02,354 ( LAUGHTER ) STILL, FOR THE CUBS, PRETTY GOOD 334 00:17:02,421 --> 00:17:03,288 PITCH. 335 00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:09,561 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE -- THERE ARE WHITE SOX 336 00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:12,731 FANS IN THE AUDIENCE TONIGHT. 337 00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:14,767 ( CHEERING ) MEANWHILE, THIS PAST SUNDAY... 338 00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:16,268 WE WON AN EMMY! 339 00:17:16,335 --> 00:17:23,308 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) 340 00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:26,779 IT'S THIS WAY, RIGHT? 341 00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:31,884 THERE YOU GO. 342 00:17:31,950 --> 00:17:34,286 >> Jon: YEAH, WHOO! 343 00:17:34,353 --> 00:17:35,421 WHOO WHOO! 344 00:17:35,487 --> 00:17:41,527 >> Stephen: NOT ONLY DID WE WEN AN EMMY, WE WON FASHION 345 00:17:41,593 --> 00:17:43,328 BECAUSE "VARIETY" SAID THAT MY HEAD WRITER ARIEL DUMAS ROCKED 346 00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:49,334 HER PINK AND RED DRESS WITH BLUE ACCESSORIES, WHILE PUREWOW SAID 347 00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:50,769 THAT MY WRITER ELIANA KWARTLER TOTALLY TURNED HEADS IN HER BOLD 348 00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:52,271 FUCHSIA GOWN. 349 00:17:52,337 --> 00:17:57,509 I'M NOT SURPRISED. 350 00:17:57,576 --> 00:17:59,978 THESE TWO WOMEN LOOK THAT ELEGANT EVERY DAY... 351 00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:04,283 IS WHAT THEY WROTE IN THIS SCRIPT I'M READING. 352 00:18:04,349 --> 00:18:07,786 ( LAUGHTER ) SADLY, FOLKS, WE CAN'T HAVE NICE 353 00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:08,720 THINGS ANYMORE. 354 00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:13,292 SADLY, WE CAN'T BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME BECAUSE 355 00:18:13,358 --> 00:18:15,194 THE FASHIONISTAS HAVE GOTTEN THEIR CLAWS OUT, BECAUSE THEY 356 00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:18,797 WERE ALSO INCLUDED IN THE "WORST" PART OF THE LIST FOR: 357 00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:22,267 "2021 EMMY'S RED CARPET ROUND-UP OF 30 MEMORABLE LOOKS FROM WORST 358 00:18:22,334 --> 00:18:28,273 TO BEST," ON THE WEBSITE OF THE WORLD'S PRE-EMINENT FASHION 359 00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:29,041 EXPERTS: BOSTON'S ROCK 92.9 F.M. 360 00:18:29,107 --> 00:18:34,279 BOSTON'S ROCK LEADER. 361 00:18:34,346 --> 00:18:40,285 I'VE LONG RELIED ON BOSTON'S ROCK 92.9 FM FOR FASHION ADVICE. 362 00:18:40,352 --> 00:18:42,988 AFTER ALL, WHO'S MORE QUALIFIED TO COMMENT ON SOMEONE'S 363 00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:48,961 APPEARANCE, THAN PEOPLE WHO WORK IN RADIO? 364 00:18:49,027 --> 00:18:50,829 ( LAUGHTER ) SO WHAT DID BOSTON'S ROCK LEADER 365 00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:52,264 HAVE TO SAY? 366 00:18:52,331 --> 00:18:54,867 APPARENTLY, THEY FELT THAT "THE RED AND PINK DRESS ARIEL DUMAS 367 00:18:54,933 --> 00:18:58,270 IS WEARING WITH AN INDIGO PURSE AND EARRINGS IS JUST TOO MUCH OF 368 00:18:58,337 --> 00:19:03,108 A CLASH," AND "TOO SHINY AND TOO PINK, ELIANA KWARTLER'S DRESS 369 00:19:03,175 --> 00:19:06,778 HURTS OUR EYES." 370 00:19:06,845 --> 00:19:13,385 NO YOU DON'T, BOSTON'S ROCK 92.9 F.M., BOSTON'S ROCK LEADER! 371 00:19:13,452 --> 00:19:17,089 YOU COME FOR MY WRITERS, YOU COME FOR ME. 372 00:19:17,155 --> 00:19:20,392 AND YOU BEST NOT MISS. 373 00:19:20,459 --> 00:19:22,294 YOU HAVE NOW TRIGGERED AN EMERGENCY CLAP-BACK EDITION OF 374 00:19:22,361 --> 00:19:25,697 MY EMMY-AWARD WINNING FASHION SEGMENT: 375 00:19:25,764 --> 00:19:28,267 >> "THE LATE CHIC PRESENTS: STEPHEN COLBERT'S SLAY YOUR 376 00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:35,173 FLEEK." 377 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:36,842 ;>> STEPHEN: WE HAVE A BREAKING FLEEK SLAYING. 378 00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,777 FIRST OF ALL, BOSTON'S ROCK 92.9 FM, HOW DARE YOU MALIGN MY 379 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,279 WRITERS LIKE THIS? 380 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:42,948 AND IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASSIC ROCK'S MOST SACRED MONTH-- 381 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,783 ZEPTEMBER?! 382 00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:50,789 SECOND OF ALL, ELIANA AND ARIEL LOOKED EXQUISITE. 383 00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:58,130 THIS BLINDSIDED ME, COMING FROM THE HOME OF STYLE EXPERTS LIKE 384 00:19:58,196 --> 00:20:01,900 AL BECK, GREG BEHARELL, AND OF COURSE, THE ANNA WINTOURS OF 385 00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:02,834 RADIO, DAVE AND CHUCK THE FREAK. 386 00:20:02,901 --> 00:20:05,404 ( LAUGHTER ) LOOK, I'M NOT SURPRISED TO HEAR 387 00:20:05,470 --> 00:20:09,341 THIS FROM DAVE, BUT I EXPECTED MORE FROM THE FREAK. 388 00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:13,645 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT NOW BOSTON'S ROCK 92.9 F.M. 389 00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:16,281 HAS BETRAYED ME, AND I'LL HAVE TO START GETTING MY FASHION 390 00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:19,084 ADVICE FROM SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN THE WEBSITE OF A MID-TIER 391 00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:22,788 SUBURBAN BOSTON CLASSIC ALT-ROCK RADIO STATION. 392 00:20:22,854 --> 00:20:30,762 IT'S ALL ON YOU NOW, SUNY NEW PALTZ'S WFNP 88.7 "THE EDGE." 393 00:20:30,829 --> 00:20:31,730 DON'T LET ME DOWN. 394 00:20:31,797 --> 00:20:34,366 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ANDERSON COOPER. 395 00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:56,922 ♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 396 00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:58,023 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME 397 00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:01,493 BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW." 398 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,061 MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A CNN ANCHOR AND "60 MINUTES" CORRESPONDENT. 399 00:21:03,128 --> 00:21:06,999 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE SHOW, ANDERSON COOPER! 400 00:21:07,065 --> 00:21:17,042 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 401 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:29,121 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 402 00:21:29,187 --> 00:21:29,988 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK. 403 00:21:30,055 --> 00:21:31,556 THANK YOU, IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE. 404 00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:32,924 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK. 405 00:21:32,991 --> 00:21:33,825 YOUR TENTH APPEARANCE ON "THE LATE SHOW." 406 00:21:33,892 --> 00:21:34,826 >> I WAS AMAZED. 407 00:21:34,893 --> 00:21:36,061 >> Stephen: I WAS, TOO. 408 00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:38,797 I WOULD HAVE SAID LIKE THREE. 409 00:21:38,864 --> 00:21:41,700 >> Stephen: AGE CANNOT WITHER NOR CUSTOM STEAL. 410 00:21:41,767 --> 00:21:43,101 YOU'RE ANDERSON COOPER. 411 00:21:43,168 --> 00:21:47,706 IT'S FRESH, ALL THE TIME. 412 00:21:47,773 --> 00:21:48,940 >> WHO -- >> Stephen: SHAKESPEARE, YOU 413 00:21:49,007 --> 00:21:49,875 HEARD OF HIM? 414 00:21:49,941 --> 00:21:52,110 >> YEAH, YEAH, GREAT WORK, I LOVE HIS STUFF. 415 00:21:52,177 --> 00:21:54,746 >> Stephen: JON AND I WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT HOW HE AND 416 00:21:54,813 --> 00:22:00,185 THE BAND ARE GOING TO BE PLAYING AT THE GLOBAL CITIZEN -- 417 00:22:00,252 --> 00:22:04,890 >> JON PLAYING IN THE PARK SINGING FREEDOM WAS LIKE THE 418 00:22:04,956 --> 00:22:07,259 GREATEST PERFORMANCE I'D SEEN IN A LONG LONG TIME. 419 00:22:07,325 --> 00:22:08,527 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I WAS REALLY BLOWN AWAY. 420 00:22:08,593 --> 00:22:11,997 >> Stephen: THE THING IS THE PEOPLE OUT THERE THE PEOPLE MAY 421 00:22:12,064 --> 00:22:17,202 NOT KNOW OR REMEMBER IS THAT, WHILE HALF OF THAT CONCERT GOT 422 00:22:17,269 --> 00:22:23,709 OUT, YOU WEREN'T THE LAST, BARRY MANILOW CAME ON AFTER YOU. 423 00:22:23,775 --> 00:22:28,714 IT STARTED RAINING, HISTORIC FLOODING CAME TO CENTRAL PARK. 424 00:22:28,780 --> 00:22:31,917 AND PEOPLE DON'T NECESSARILY KNOW YOU WERE HOSTING A 425 00:22:31,983 --> 00:22:36,988 FOUR-HOUR BROADCAST ON CNN OF THE CONCERT, THE LAST TWO HOURS 426 00:22:37,055 --> 00:22:41,359 OF WHICH WAS A WET CAMERA POINTED AT AN EMPTY STAGE WHILE 427 00:22:41,426 --> 00:22:44,563 YOU VAMPED ENDLESSLY. 428 00:22:44,629 --> 00:22:45,831 >> FOR HOURS. 429 00:22:45,897 --> 00:22:49,234 THING IS, I GOT THE GIG BECAUSE MY BOSS SAID, YOU KNOW, WE NEED 430 00:22:49,301 --> 00:22:53,405 SOMEWOULD BE TO ANCHOR IN THE STUDIO BECAUSE DON LEMON'S GOING 431 00:22:53,472 --> 00:22:55,707 TO BE THERE AND THEY WERE GOING TO BE DOING IT ALL. 432 00:22:55,774 --> 00:22:59,845 BUT IN CASE SOMETHING HAPPENS, WILL YOU SIT IN THE ANCHOR 433 00:22:59,911 --> 00:23:00,912 DETECTION? 434 00:23:00,979 --> 00:23:02,814 YEAH, SURE, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE CONCERT. 435 00:23:02,881 --> 00:23:07,753 I WAS I'M THERE READING THE NEWSPAPER HOUR AFTER HOUR AND 436 00:23:07,819 --> 00:23:11,423 ALL OF A SUDDEN THE CONCERT ENDS TWO HOURS UNEXPECTEDLY AND 437 00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:13,725 THEY'RE, LIKE, YOU'RE ON THE AIR! 438 00:23:13,792 --> 00:23:17,162 I WAS, LIKE, UH, OKAY, LET'S DO THIS! 439 00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:19,765 >> Stephen: WHAT'S THE GAME PLAN? 440 00:23:19,831 --> 00:23:25,203 IS THERE SOMEBODY IN YOUR EAR GOING, WE'RE GETTING CARLOS 441 00:23:25,270 --> 00:23:27,739 SANTANA -- >> THANKFULLY, CARLOS SANTANA 442 00:23:27,806 --> 00:23:29,641 GROWTH TO COME IN RIGHT AFTER HIS PERFORMANCE. 443 00:23:29,708 --> 00:23:34,045 WE BANKED AN INTERVIEW WITH CARLOS SANTANA WHICH LITERALLY 444 00:23:34,112 --> 00:23:37,549 HE EXISTS IN ANOTHER REALM. 445 00:23:37,616 --> 00:23:41,787 HE DROPPED IN OUR REALM FOR A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME AND I DON'T 446 00:23:41,853 --> 00:23:44,322 KNOW WHAT HE SAID IN THE INTERVIEW BUT I LOVED IT. 447 00:23:44,389 --> 00:23:46,625 >> Stephen: IT WAS LIKE LISTENING TO A SHAMAN. 448 00:23:46,691 --> 00:23:49,995 WE ALL WENT ON THE GREAT HUNT OF THE ANTELOPE WITH YOU. 449 00:23:50,061 --> 00:23:51,496 A COMPLETE TRIP. 450 00:23:51,563 --> 00:23:53,231 AND THEN BARRY MANILOW. 451 00:23:53,298 --> 00:23:57,002 >> WE WERE ALL ON PEYOTE AND THEN WE WERE IN THE DESERT -- 452 00:23:57,068 --> 00:23:59,571 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I DID NOT LEAVE 453 00:23:59,638 --> 00:24:01,540 IMMEDIATELY AS SOON AS IT STARTED RAINING. 454 00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:05,310 I DON'T LEAVE MY FRIENDS IN A LURCH. 455 00:24:05,377 --> 00:24:10,515 I TURNED TO MY SHOW MEMBER AND SAID DO WE HAVE A NUMBER FOR CNN 456 00:24:10,582 --> 00:24:13,985 BECAUSE I WANT TO JUST KILL TIME BECAUSE I'M WATCHING A MAN DYING 457 00:24:14,052 --> 00:24:14,820 ON TELEVISION. 458 00:24:14,886 --> 00:24:17,022 THIS IS IS A CLIP OF OUR CONVERSATION. 459 00:24:17,088 --> 00:24:18,223 >> GOOD. 460 00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:21,526 I WANT TO SAY, I AM WATCHING HISTORIC BROADCASTING RIGHT NOW. 461 00:24:21,593 --> 00:24:25,997 ( LAUGHTER ) I AM ENJOYING THIS MOMENT OF YOU 462 00:24:26,064 --> 00:24:32,370 KILLING TIME OF YOUR SPINNING STRAW INTO GOLD, IT'S ABSOLUTE 463 00:24:32,437 --> 00:24:34,005 CHAOS BACK HERE. 464 00:24:34,072 --> 00:24:36,007 YEAH. 465 00:24:36,074 --> 00:24:40,111 PAUL SIMON HAS BUSTED THE STRINGS OUT OF HIS GUITAR. 466 00:24:40,178 --> 00:24:43,248 HE'S GOTTEN INTO THE GUITAR HOLE. 467 00:24:43,315 --> 00:24:48,353 HE'S CANOEING BACK TO HIS APARTMENT ON 72nd STREET. 468 00:24:48,420 --> 00:24:54,759 >> HEY, CAN I TALK ABOUT THE PHOTO YOU'VE GOT UP OF ME? 469 00:24:54,826 --> 00:24:57,195 DO YOU NOT KNOW ANYBODY WHO KNOWS PHOTO SHOP? 470 00:24:57,262 --> 00:25:00,265 TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF THE LEATHER OFF THE LEFT SIDE OF MY FACE. 471 00:25:00,332 --> 00:25:03,568 YOU SHOULD GET THIS STUFF AND PUT IT ON A D.V.D. COLLECTION. 472 00:25:03,635 --> 00:25:08,907 YOU HAVE AN HOUR WITH CARLOS SANTANA. 473 00:25:08,974 --> 00:25:13,445 A FOUR AND A HALF INTERVIEW WITH BARRY MANILOW. 474 00:25:13,511 --> 00:25:15,747 >> I'M GOING TO LET YOU GO BECAUSE I KNOW YOU HAVE 475 00:25:15,814 --> 00:25:17,649 IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO. 476 00:25:17,716 --> 00:25:19,084 PATTY SMITH IS ON THE LINE. 477 00:25:19,150 --> 00:25:20,252 ARE YOU STILL THERE. 478 00:25:20,318 --> 00:25:23,889 >> Stephen: YES, PLEASE TELL PATTY I'M GOING TO GIVE HER A 479 00:25:23,955 --> 00:25:25,090 RIDE HOME. 480 00:25:25,156 --> 00:25:31,096 SHE'LL HAVE TO UBER BUT I'LL VENMO HER FOR WHATEVER IT COSTS. 481 00:25:31,162 --> 00:25:34,900 >> Stephen: THAT WAS THE MOST FUN I'VE EVER HAD WITH YOU. 482 00:25:34,966 --> 00:25:35,867 >> SERIOUSLY GREAT TELEVISION. 483 00:25:35,934 --> 00:25:37,602 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 484 00:25:37,669 --> 00:25:38,303 STICK AROUND. 485 00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:39,671 BACK WITH MORE ANDERSON COOPER. 486 00:25:48,013 --> 00:25:49,180 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 487 00:25:49,247 --> 00:25:51,950 WE'RE BACK HERE WITH THE HOST OF ANDERSON COOPER 3660, ANDERSON 488 00:25:52,017 --> 00:25:53,151 COOPER. 489 00:25:53,218 --> 00:25:57,656 ANDERSON, YOU HAVE A NEW BOOK NOW, IT IS CALLED "VANDERBILT: 490 00:25:57,722 --> 00:26:02,027 THE RISE AND FALL OF AN AMERICAN DYNASTY." 491 00:26:02,093 --> 00:26:03,128 >> YEP. 492 00:26:03,194 --> 00:26:06,631 >> Stephen: OKAY, BUT, ALSO, THESE ARE YOUR RELATIVES. 493 00:26:06,698 --> 00:26:07,465 >> YES, THEY ARE. 494 00:26:07,532 --> 00:26:09,200 >> Stephen: SOME MAY NOT KNOW. 495 00:26:09,267 --> 00:26:12,637 THAT WAS MY WHOLE PLAN TO NOT HAVE PEOPLE KNOW. 496 00:26:12,704 --> 00:26:18,877 >> Stephen: THAT YOU ARE A VANDERBILT ON YOUR MOTHER'S 497 00:26:18,944 --> 00:26:20,145 SIDE. 498 00:26:20,211 --> 00:26:26,017 >> MY MOTHER WAS GLORIA COOPER, HER FAMILY WAS THE VANDERBILTS. 499 00:26:26,084 --> 00:26:27,085 I JUST AM HER SON. 500 00:26:27,152 --> 00:26:30,121 >> Stephen: YOU NEVER SAW YOURSELF AS A VANDERBILT? 501 00:26:30,188 --> 00:26:34,793 >> NO, AT A YOUNG AGE I LOOKED AT THE VANDERBILTS AND THE 502 00:26:34,859 --> 00:26:38,330 COOPERS WHO WERE FARMERS IN THE DEPRESSION AND HOW THEY ENDED UP 503 00:26:38,396 --> 00:26:45,103 AND LIVED THEIR LIVES, I WAS, LIKE, I'M GOING FOR THE COOPERS, 504 00:26:45,170 --> 00:26:46,671 THAT'S GOING TO BE MY MODEL. 505 00:26:46,738 --> 00:26:49,975 I DON'T THINK ANYTHING GOOD CAN COME OUT OF THE VANDERBILT SIDE. 506 00:26:50,041 --> 00:26:53,144 >> Stephen: HAVING DONE THAT MENTAL AND SPIRITUAL WORK IN 507 00:26:53,211 --> 00:26:55,847 YOUR OWN LIFE TO NOT BE A VANDERBILT, WHAT'S IT LIKE TO 508 00:26:55,914 --> 00:26:57,916 DIG INTO IT NOW. 509 00:26:57,983 --> 00:26:59,184 >> IT WAS FASCINATING. 510 00:26:59,250 --> 00:27:01,453 I REALLY KNEW NOTHING ABOUT THEM AND IN TALKING TO MY MOM BEFORE 511 00:27:01,519 --> 00:27:03,421 SHE DIED TWO YEARS AGO, I REALIZED SHE DIDN'T KNOW 512 00:27:03,488 --> 00:27:04,456 ANYTHING ABOUT THEM, EITHER. 513 00:27:04,522 --> 00:27:07,292 SHE WAS THE LAST VANDERBILT. 514 00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:10,261 SHE WAS SORT OF THE LAST VANDERBILT HER BIRTH AND DEATH 515 00:27:10,328 --> 00:27:12,564 MADE THE TONT PAGE OF THE "NEW YORK TIMES." 516 00:27:12,630 --> 00:27:17,836 SHE'S BORN IN 1924 WHEN THE VANDERBILT RICHES SEEMED ENDLESS 517 00:27:17,902 --> 00:27:21,139 AND SEEMED TO GO ON FOREVER WHICH THEY DID NOT. 518 00:27:21,206 --> 00:27:26,277 >> Stephen: IT FASCINATES ME CORNELIUS VANDERBILT BUILT ONE 519 00:27:26,344 --> 00:27:29,848 OF THE GREATEST FORTUNES OF ALL TIME AND ALL OF IT'S GONE. 520 00:27:29,914 --> 00:27:31,850 >> IT'S BEEN GONE FOR A LONG TIME. 521 00:27:31,916 --> 00:27:35,186 NO ONE KNEW IT, BUT NOW THEY TO. 522 00:27:35,253 --> 00:27:40,692 CORNELIUS VANDERBILT, HE -- HIS STATUE IS OUTSIDE GRAND CENTRAL 523 00:27:40,759 --> 00:27:46,197 STATION, HE FOUNDED IT, 16 ACRES ALL AROUND THERE, I'D LIKE IT 524 00:27:46,264 --> 00:27:47,399 BACK. 525 00:27:47,465 --> 00:27:51,770 WHEN HE DIED IN 1877, HE HAD $100 MILLION, WHICH IS AN INSANE 526 00:27:51,836 --> 00:27:59,344 AMOUNT OF MONEY TODAY, BUT IN 18 UP-- IN 1877, IT BOGGLED THE 527 00:27:59,411 --> 00:28:00,445 IMAGINATION. 528 00:28:00,512 --> 00:28:05,483 ONE OUT OF $20 IN CIRCULATION BELONGED TO VANDERBILT. 529 00:28:05,550 --> 00:28:07,986 HE HAD MORE MONEY THAN THE U.S. 530 00:28:08,053 --> 00:28:09,187 TREASURY. 531 00:28:09,254 --> 00:28:10,155 >> Stephen: WHEN WE COME BACK, ANDERSON HAS AN EXTRAORDINARY 532 00:28:10,221 --> 00:28:14,359 STORY ABOUT HIS MOTHER THAT HE HAS NEVER TOLD. 533 00:28:14,426 --> 00:28:15,193 STICK AROUND. 534 00:28:33,845 --> 00:28:34,813 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 535 00:28:34,879 --> 00:28:35,980 WELCOME BACK. 536 00:28:36,047 --> 00:28:38,783 I AM HERE WITH THE AUTHOR OF "VANDERBILT: THE RISE AND FALL 537 00:28:38,850 --> 00:28:42,454 OF AN AMERICAN DYNASTY," ANDERSON COOPER. 538 00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:46,024 THE BOOK -- THIS BOOK IS A LOVELY TRIBUTE TO YOUR MOM IN 539 00:28:46,091 --> 00:28:46,991 MANY WAYS. 540 00:28:47,058 --> 00:28:48,159 >> YEAH. 541 00:28:48,226 --> 00:28:50,562 >> Stephen: WHO PASSED AWAY, AS YOU SAID, IN 2019, AND SHE 542 00:28:50,628 --> 00:28:53,698 WAS A PUBLIC FIGURE FROM THE TIME SHE WAS A BABY. 543 00:28:53,765 --> 00:28:56,901 >> THAT'S HER ON THE COVER WITH HER MOM. 544 00:28:56,968 --> 00:29:00,138 >> Stephen: THAT'S GLORIA HER MOTHER AND LITTLE GLORIA. 545 00:29:00,205 --> 00:29:03,274 >> MY MOM WAS THIS AMAZING -- I ALWAYS VIEWED HER FROM THE TIME 546 00:29:03,341 --> 00:29:11,716 I WAS LITTLE, MY DAD DIED WHEN I WAS TEN, AND I VIEWED MY MOM 547 00:29:11,783 --> 00:29:17,088 ASETTE, A SPACE ALIEN WHOSE SPACECRAFT CRASHED AND LANDED ON 548 00:29:17,155 --> 00:29:22,961 EARTH AND IT WAS MY JOB FROM TEN ON TO HELP HER RENT APARTMENTS 549 00:29:23,027 --> 00:29:26,331 AND BUY GROCERIES AND HELP HER NAVIGATE MODERN TIMES. 550 00:29:26,397 --> 00:29:28,433 >> Stephen: WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO HAVE HER -- 551 00:29:28,500 --> 00:29:29,634 >> SHE WAS GREAT. 552 00:29:29,701 --> 00:29:33,571 SHE WAS NOT THE KIND OF MOM WHO, YOU KNOW, DID STUFF FOR YOU, 553 00:29:33,638 --> 00:29:35,974 BUT, UM -- >> Stephen: ONE OF THE 554 00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:39,577 HALLMARKS OF BEING A MOM IS DOING STUFF FOR YOU. 555 00:29:39,644 --> 00:29:42,013 >> THAT'S OVERRATED -- DINNER, MEALS. 556 00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:48,353 WE HAD A LOT OF AQUA VEET IN THE REFRIGERATOR. 557 00:29:48,419 --> 00:29:49,787 >> Stephen: SWEDISH LIQUOR. 558 00:29:49,854 --> 00:29:50,255 YEAH. 559 00:29:50,321 --> 00:29:51,289 DIDN'T TASTE GOOD. 560 00:29:51,356 --> 00:29:54,192 BUT, YEAH, BUT, NO, SHE WAS JUST KIND OF NUTTY. 561 00:29:54,259 --> 00:30:00,298 SHE WOULD COME UP WITH JUST LUDICROUS IDEAS. 562 00:30:00,365 --> 00:30:04,435 I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY TOLD THIS ON TV BEFORE, BUT WHEN SHE WASLE 5, 563 00:30:04,502 --> 00:30:07,472 I GET THIS CALL FROM HER AND SHE'S LIKE HONEY, THERE'S 564 00:30:07,539 --> 00:30:12,644 SOMETHING I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT, WHICH IN MY MOM'S 565 00:30:12,710 --> 00:30:15,280 VOCABULARY, THAT MEANT, LIKE, I'M REDECORATING THE APARTMENT 566 00:30:15,346 --> 00:30:18,249 AND YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR IT AND THEN I'M GOING TO REDECORATE 567 00:30:18,316 --> 00:30:21,586 IT LIKE A WEEK LATER AND YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT, TOO. 568 00:30:21,653 --> 00:30:23,688 SO I HAD TO STEEL MYSELF. 569 00:30:23,755 --> 00:30:26,891 I WENT TO HER HOUSE AND SAY WHAT IS IT YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT. 570 00:30:26,958 --> 00:30:29,994 SHE SAID, WELL, THE MOST INCREDIBLE THING HAPPENED. 571 00:30:30,061 --> 00:30:33,998 I THOUGHT, MY GOD, WHAT CAN THIS BE. 572 00:30:34,065 --> 00:30:39,571 AND SHE SAID, I WENT TO THE GYNECOLOGIST LAST WEEK -- AND I 573 00:30:39,637 --> 00:30:42,440 THOUGHT, UGH, REALLY? 574 00:30:42,507 --> 00:30:45,510 IT WAS NOT UNLIKE HER TO START A SENTENCE LIKE THAT. 575 00:30:45,577 --> 00:30:49,814 SHE TOLD ME THE MOST AMAZING THING. 576 00:30:49,881 --> 00:30:52,317 SHE TOLD ME, IRK STILL BEAR A CHILD. 577 00:30:52,383 --> 00:30:57,989 WHEN MY MOM SAID THIS STUFF, AS SHE OFTEN DID, YOU COULDN'T BE 578 00:30:58,056 --> 00:31:01,993 NEGATIVE OR REALISTIC AND TELL HER WHAT YOU THOUGHT, AND TALK 579 00:31:02,060 --> 00:31:04,862 SENSE INTO HER, YOU HAD TO BE SUPPORTIVE. 580 00:31:04,929 --> 00:31:08,199 >> Stephen: THE LAST TIME AN 85-YEAR-OLD WOMAN BORE A CHILD 581 00:31:08,266 --> 00:31:09,734 WAS IN THE OLD TESTAMENT I THINK. 582 00:31:09,801 --> 00:31:12,003 >> SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 583 00:31:12,070 --> 00:31:18,710 PEOPLE WONDER HOW IN INTERVIEWS I CAN STAY STONE FACE AND LIST 584 00:31:18,776 --> 00:31:24,782 ON THE PEOPLE SAY CRAZY ( BLEEP ) THINGS, I GREW UP WI 585 00:31:24,849 --> 00:31:25,917 GLORIA VANDERBILT. 586 00:31:25,984 --> 00:31:27,185 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I'M SITTING THERE AND THINK HG, 587 00:31:27,252 --> 00:31:31,122 DON'T BE NEGATIVE, BUT HOW DO I CONVINCE MY 85-YEAR-OLD MOM NOT 588 00:31:31,189 --> 00:31:35,226 TO HAVE A CHILD RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THAT'S A QUESTION WE'VE 589 00:31:35,293 --> 00:31:38,329 OFTEN ASKED OURSELVES, I'M SURE, ALL OF YOU HAVE, A VERY 590 00:31:38,396 --> 00:31:39,564 RELATABLE STORY. 591 00:31:39,631 --> 00:31:42,767 I STARTED SAYING THINGS, LIKE, FIRST OF ALL, MOM, I DO, I FIND 592 00:31:42,834 --> 00:31:46,004 THAT FASCINATING AND INCREDIBLE THAT A LICENSED GYNECOLOGIST 593 00:31:46,070 --> 00:31:50,008 TOLD YOU THAT YOU COULD HAVE A BABY AT 85. 594 00:31:50,074 --> 00:31:52,443 BUT, YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT IT. 595 00:31:52,510 --> 00:31:54,779 I THINK YOU NEED TO TAKE SOME TIME WITH IT. 596 00:31:54,846 --> 00:31:56,781 >> Stephen: BIG DECISION. 597 00:31:56,848 --> 00:32:01,486 IT'S VERY LABOR INTENSIVE, NO PUN INTENDED, ANDLETS DO SOME 598 00:32:01,552 --> 00:32:02,020 MATH. 599 00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:03,121 LET'S SEE, YOU'RE 85. 600 00:32:03,187 --> 00:32:07,225 WHEN THE CHILD GOES TO COLLEGE, YOU WILL BE, OH, 105. 601 00:32:07,292 --> 00:32:10,595 HOW DOES THAT MATH SOUND TO YOU? 602 00:32:10,662 --> 00:32:14,432 ANYWAY, SHE SAYS TO ME, HONEY, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT HAVING A 603 00:32:14,499 --> 00:32:17,568 CHILD OF MY OWN, I MEAN, THAT'S CRAZY, I'MLE 5. 604 00:32:17,635 --> 00:32:21,773 I WAS, LIKE, OH, GREAT, OF COURSE. 605 00:32:21,839 --> 00:32:24,942 I SAID, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 606 00:32:25,009 --> 00:32:28,479 SHE GOES, WELL, YOU CAN GET AN EGG ANYWHERE TODAY. 607 00:32:28,546 --> 00:32:32,283 AND I WAS THINKING YOU GET AN EGG AND FERTILIZE IT WITH A 608 00:32:32,350 --> 00:32:37,055 SPERM AND I'LL CARRY YOUR CHILD. 609 00:32:37,121 --> 00:32:39,590 ( LAUGHTER ) YEAH. 610 00:32:39,657 --> 00:32:41,993 YEAH. 611 00:32:42,060 --> 00:32:49,734 SO WE TRIED IT, AND -- ( LAUGHTER ) 612 00:32:49,801 --> 00:32:52,837 LITERALLY, I, LIKE -- I WAS JUST STUNNED. 613 00:32:52,904 --> 00:32:57,608 AND I FINALLY SAID TO HER, I WAS, LIKE, YOU KNOW, MOM, I LOVE 614 00:32:57,675 --> 00:33:04,315 YOU, BUT EVEN FOR YOU, THAT IS JUST BAT ( BLEEP ) CRAZY. 615 00:33:04,382 --> 00:33:05,516 THAT IS JUST NUTS. 616 00:33:05,583 --> 00:33:12,323 THAT IS SO WEIRD ON A WHOLE NEW LEVEL. 617 00:33:12,390 --> 00:33:19,030 THAT KID WOULD BE ON THE FIRST PAGE TO HAVE THE NEW YORK POST 618 00:33:19,097 --> 00:33:20,131 HIS WHOLE LIFE. 619 00:33:20,198 --> 00:33:23,968 TWO YEARS LATER I GET A NEWSPAPER CLIPPING FROM MY MOM 620 00:33:24,035 --> 00:33:27,472 AND THE HEADLINE IS GRANDMOTHER BEARS CHILD FOR SON, AND IT'S 621 00:33:27,538 --> 00:33:31,509 SOME WOMAN, I THINK, IN ITALY WHO IS, I THINK, 65 OR SOMETHING 622 00:33:31,576 --> 00:33:37,415 OR 70, AND IT'S A PHOTO OF HER IN THE LABOR ROOM IN THE 623 00:33:37,482 --> 00:33:43,221 STIRRUPS, AND SHE HAD A GAY SON AND HIS HUSBAND, AND IT WAS THE 624 00:33:43,287 --> 00:33:48,559 HUSBAND'S SPERM THAT FERTILIZED THE EGG THAT HIS PARTNER WAS 625 00:33:48,626 --> 00:33:49,794 CARRYING. 626 00:33:49,861 --> 00:33:52,063 ANYWAY, THE PHOTO IS SHE'S IN THE DELIVERY ROOM WITH HER LEGS 627 00:33:52,130 --> 00:34:00,872 IN A THING AND HER SON AND HIS HUSBAND ARE RIGHT THERE, READY 628 00:34:00,938 --> 00:34:01,773 TO CATCH. 629 00:34:01,839 --> 00:34:04,041 ( LAUGHTER ) AND MY MOM HAS CIRCLED IT AND 630 00:34:04,108 --> 00:34:08,679 WRITTEN IN A NOTE, SEE?! 631 00:34:08,746 --> 00:34:10,214 >> Stephen: YOU'RE A BAD SON. 632 00:34:10,281 --> 00:34:10,882 YEAH, BAD SON. 633 00:34:10,948 --> 00:34:13,985 >> Stephen: YOU'RE A BAD SON. 634 00:34:14,051 --> 00:34:15,052 YEAH. 635 00:34:15,119 --> 00:34:16,354 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: OH, THERE'S SO 636 00:34:16,421 --> 00:34:20,458 MUCH MORE TO TALK ABOUT BUT THERE'S NO MORE TIME LEFT. 637 00:34:20,525 --> 00:34:23,027 >> I'M SORRY, THAT WAS A LONG STORY. 638 00:34:23,094 --> 00:34:24,429 >> Stephen: NO, IT'S FANTASTIC. 639 00:34:24,495 --> 00:34:28,032 ONE OTHER THING, LEGALLY WHEN YOU'RE HERE, WE HAVE TO SHOW AN 640 00:34:28,099 --> 00:34:33,671 ADORABLE PICTURE OF YOU AND YOUR SON WYATT RIGHT THERE. 641 00:34:33,738 --> 00:34:34,872 >> HE'S SO GREAT. 642 00:34:34,939 --> 00:34:37,975 >> Stephen: NOW THAT YOU'VE FINALLY EMBRACED THE OTHER HALF 643 00:34:38,042 --> 00:34:44,749 OF YOUR FAMILY BY WRITING ABOUT THE VANDERBILTS WHAT DO YOU HOPE 644 00:34:44,816 --> 00:34:46,551 YOUR SON GOT THAT? 645 00:34:46,617 --> 00:34:53,124 >> MY DAD WROTE A BOOK ABOUT HIS FAMILY GROWING UP IN MISSISSIPPI 646 00:34:53,191 --> 00:34:56,260 AND IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME BECAUSE HE DIED WHEN I WAS TEN AND HE 647 00:34:56,327 --> 00:35:03,601 WROTE IT AS A LETTER TO MY BROTHER AND I BECAUSE HE KNEW HE 648 00:35:03,668 --> 00:35:06,437 WOULDN'T SEE US GROW UP INTO ADULTHOOD. 649 00:35:06,504 --> 00:35:10,942 I HOPE HE MAKES UP HIS OWN MIND ABOUT HOW THEY LIVED AND THE 650 00:35:11,008 --> 00:35:14,846 CHOICES THEY MADE AND CERTAINLY THE MISTAKES THAT THEY MADE AND 651 00:35:14,912 --> 00:35:17,849 THE CONTRIBUTIONS THAT THEY MADE IN SOME WAYS. 652 00:35:17,915 --> 00:35:23,988 BUT I HOPE HE SEES IT AS SOMETHING FROM HIS, YOU KNOW, A 653 00:35:24,055 --> 00:35:27,391 SMALL PART OF HIS FAMILY'S DISTANT PAST, BUT I HOPE HE 654 00:35:27,458 --> 00:35:31,662 JUST, YOU KNOW, IT'S A STORY FROM HIS PAST, BUT I HOPE HIS 655 00:35:31,729 --> 00:35:35,233 FUTURE HE KNOWS IS HIS TO WRITE FOR HIMSELF AND THAT HE 656 00:35:35,299 --> 00:35:40,338 SHOULDN'T BE BEHOLDEN OR VIEW HIMSELF AS A VANDERBILT, HE 657 00:35:40,404 --> 00:35:42,940 DOESN'T HAVE THAT NAME, THAT'S NOT WHO HE IS, AND HE GETS TO 658 00:35:43,007 --> 00:35:45,843 WRITE HIS OWN STORY MOVING FORWARD. 659 00:35:45,910 --> 00:35:50,014 >> Stephen: ANDERSON, ALWAYS LOVELY TO TALK TO YOU HERE OR ON 660 00:35:50,081 --> 00:35:53,985 THE PHONE. 661 00:35:54,051 --> 00:35:55,753 HIS BOOK, "VANDERBILT: THE RISE AND FALL OF AN AMERICAN 662 00:35:55,820 --> 00:35:56,387 DYNASTY," IS AVAILABLE NOW. 663 00:35:56,454 --> 00:35:57,755 ANDERSON COOPER, EVERYBODY! 664 00:35:57,822 --> 00:36:00,958 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY JOHN MAYER. 665 00:36:33,090 --> 00:36:36,928 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ NEVER SEEN THE SUN BEFORE 666 00:36:36,994 --> 00:36:43,968 LAYING ON THE OCEAN FLOOR ♪ WALKING THROUGH THE WILDERNESS 667 00:36:44,035 --> 00:36:47,538 AND LIVING OFF THE LONELINESS OH 668 00:36:47,605 --> 00:36:52,910 ♪ WILD BLUE DEEPER THAN I EVER KNEW 669 00:36:52,977 --> 00:37:02,520 ♪ WILD BLUE ON A BED OF GREY 670 00:37:02,587 --> 00:37:14,532 ♪ OH BABY, WHAT A WILD BLUE I FOUND MYSELF WHEN I LOST YOU 671 00:37:14,599 --> 00:37:20,504 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ YEAH, YEAH 672 00:37:20,571 --> 00:37:25,543 YEAH, YEAH ♪ ALL THE TEARS I MEANT TO CRY 673 00:37:25,610 --> 00:37:32,917 DANCE ACROSS THE EVENIN' SKY ♪ AND IN MY SORROW, I CAN SEE 674 00:37:32,984 --> 00:37:40,925 THAT MISSING YOU BELONGS TO ME ♪ OH, WILD BLUE 675 00:37:40,992 --> 00:37:48,899 DEEPER THAN I EVER KNEW ♪ WILD BLUE 676 00:37:48,966 --> 00:37:56,507 ON A BED OF GREY ♪ OH BABY, WHAT A WILD BLUE 677 00:37:56,574 --> 00:38:03,848 I FOUND MYSELF WHEN I LOST YOU ♪ ♪ ♪ 678 00:38:12,990 --> 00:38:24,902 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 679 00:38:24,969 --> 00:38:32,510 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ WILD BLUE 680 00:38:32,576 --> 00:38:37,048 DEEPER THAN I EVER KNEW ♪ IT'S A WILD BLUE 681 00:38:37,114 --> 00:38:48,926 SINCE YOU WENT AWAY ♪ OH BABY, WHAT A WILD BLUE 682 00:38:48,993 --> 00:38:56,901 I FOUND MYSELF WHEN I LOST YOU ♪ AND YOU'LL NEVER KNOW 683 00:38:56,967 --> 00:39:04,909 THE UNLIKELY BEAUTY IN ♪ LETTING YOU GO ♪ 684 00:39:04,975 --> 00:39:14,952 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 685 00:39:15,019 --> 00:39:20,524 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 686 00:39:20,591 --> 00:39:30,568 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 687 00:39:30,634 --> 00:39:40,911 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 688 00:39:40,978 --> 00:39:52,923 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 689 00:39:52,990 --> 00:40:02,967 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 690 00:40:03,033 --> 00:40:08,506 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 691 00:40:08,572 --> 00:40:18,549 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 692 00:40:18,616 --> 00:40:24,421 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 693 00:40:24,488 --> 00:40:25,823 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: JOHN MAYER, 694 00:40:25,890 --> 00:40:26,690 EVERYBODY! 695 00:40:26,757 --> 00:40:27,825 THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 696 00:40:27,892 --> 00:40:28,959 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 697 00:40:29,026 --> 00:40:30,027 GOOD NIGHT.