>> POLLS SUGGEST THAT A THIRD OR MORE OF AMERICANS YOUNGER THAN
45 EITHER DON'T HAVE CHILDREN OR EXPECT TO HAVE FEWER THAN THEY
MIGHT OTHERWISE BECAUSE THEY ARE WORRIED ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> INTRODUCING TROJAN'S MOST
EFFECTIVE BIRTH CONTROL YET: BUZZKILL CONDOMS.
IMAGINE YOU AND YOUR LOVER IN FRONT OF A COZY FIRE, LOU RAWLS
IS PLAYING LOW IN THE BACKGROUND.
YOU'VE EACH HAD A FEW DRINKS AND YOU'RE IN THE MOOD.
THAT'S WHEN IT'S TIME TO REACH FOR A TROJAN BUZZKILL, BECAUSE
INSIDE EACH PACKAGE IS A STARK GLOBAL WARMING FACT, LIKE, "JULY
2021 WAS THE HOTTEST MONTH EVER RECORDED."
WHO WOULD RISK BRINGING A CHILD INTO THAT WORLD?
SO WHEN YOU START RISING LIKE THE WORLD'S SEA LEVELS, REACH
FOR A BUZZKILL, AND SHRINK LIKE THE GLACIERS.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES:
SHAWN MENDES AND COMEDIAN CHRIS TURNER
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY!
BEAUTIFUL!
NICE TO SEE YOU!
LOOK AT THAT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
♪ ♪ ♪ HELLO!
I LIKE THE RED.
I CAN GET INTO IT.
HELLO, NICE TO SEE YOU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HELLO!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME, ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
IT IS CLIMATE WEEK-- IT IS CLIMATE WEEK HERE IN NEW YORK.
IT'S ALL PART OF THE U.N.
GENERAL ASSEMBLY, OR "UNGA."
HUNDREDS OF WORLD LEADERS ARE MEETING WITH CLIMATE ACTIVISTS
TO ATTEMPT THE ONE THING TO FIGHT CLIMATE CHANGE THAT NO
INDUSTRIALIZED NATION HAS DONE BEFORE: ANYTHING.
AND THIS WEEK, EIGHT LATE SHOWS, INCLUDING THIS ONE,
ARE DOING CLIMATE-THEMED NIGHTS.
CRISIS SOLVED.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Jon: IT'S CONDITION, IT'S DONE!
>> Stephen: CRISIS SOLVED, JUST AS SURELY
AS WHEN ALL THOSE CELEBRITIES SANG "IMAGINE" AND ENDED COVID.
AND WE DON'T HAVE A MINUTE TO WASTE, BECAUSE CLIMATE CHANGE IS
HERE, AND IT'S BAD, Y'ALL.
THIS YEAR ALONE, WE SAW FIRES OUT WEST, FLOODING IN EUROPE AND
CHINA, AND MULTIPLE HURRICANES THAT FLOODED THE NEW YORK CITY
SUBWAY SYSTEM.
( TRAIN CONDUCTOR ) "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, STAND
CLEAR OF THE CLOSING DOORS AND THE APOCALYPTIC UNDERGROUND
TIDAL WAVE.
THIS TRAIN WILL BE SKIPPING 23rd STREET BECAUSE UH...
IT JUST SAYS HERE "FIRE BEES."
STAND CLEAR OF THE CLOSING DOORS, PLEASE."
AND IT'S NOT JUST-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THEY UNDERSTAND.
THEY'VE BEEN THERE.
IT'S NOT JUST THE SUBWAYS.
CHECK OUT THIS HEADLINE: "CLIMATE CHANGE IS PUTTING MORE
POOP IN NEW YORK'S WATER."
( BLEEP ) JUST GOT REAL.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THAT SOUND YOU'RE HEARING IS MILLIONS OF NEW YORKERS CHANGING
THEIR BRITA FILTERS.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT THINGS COULD GET WORSE.
THE NEW U.N. CLIMATE REPORT WARNS THAT IF INDUSTRIALIZED
COUNTRIES DON'T CHANGE THEIR BEHAVIOR SOON, THE WORLD COULD
BE ON A "CATASTROPHIC PATHWAY."
OR, AS ONE U.N. CLIMATE SCIENTIST DESCRIBED IT:
♪ HIGHWAY TO THE DANGER ZONE ♪ >> Stephen: EVEN WITH THINGS
THIS TRANSPARENTLY DISASTROUS, ALMOST EVERY COUNTRY ON THE
PLANET IS NOT LIVING UP TO THEIR OBLIGATIONS UNDER THE PARIS
CLIMATE AGREEMENT.
IN FACT, ONLY ONE COUNTRY IN THE WORLD HAS SUBMITTED PLANS THAT
WILL MITIGATE CLIMATE CHANGE BY 2030.
THE GAMBIA.
OH, POOR THE GAMBIA.
THEY'RE THE ONE KID IN CLASS WHO DID THEIR WORK FOR THE GROUP
PROJECT, AND THE REST OF US WON'T EVEN SPRING FOR
POSTERBOARD.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT ORDINARY PEOPLE ARE DOING
SOMETHING ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE: THEY'RE WORRYING.
ESPECIALLY YOUNG PEOPLE.
A RECENT STUDY ASKED YOUTHS 16-25 FROM AROUND THE WORLD HOW
THEY FELT ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE, AND 56% AGREED WITH THE
VIEWPOINT THAT HUMANITY IS DOOMED.
NICE TRY, KIDS, BUT YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT OF YOUR STUDENT
LOANS.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, THAT SAME STUDY ALSO FOUND
THAT THREE-QUARTERS OF THOSE YOUNG PEOPLE FEEL THAT THE
"FUTURE IS FRIGHTENING."
AND IT WAS PREDICTED IN THIS FAMOUS SCENE:
>> HEY, DOC, YOU BETTER BACK UP.
WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH ROAD TO GET UP TO 88.
>> ROADS?
WHERE WE'RE GOING, EVERYONE'S DEAD, AND ROADS ARE MADE OF
THEIR FLAMING BONES!
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: OF COURSE, NOT
EVERYONE'S WORRIED ABOUT CLIMATE DISASTER.
SOME PEOPLE DON'T CARE AT ALL.
ONE RECENT SURVEY FOUND THAT MOST AMERICANS DO NOT BELIEVE
THEY WILL BE PERSONALLY AFFECTED BY GLOBAL WARMING.
AMERICANS TREAT CLIMATE SCIENCE LIKE SOCCER: WE KNOW IT'S OUT
THERE, AND IT REALLY MATTERS TO THE REST OF WORLD, BUT NO ONE
CAN MAKE US CARE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
NOW, TAKE A LOOK-- TED LASSO.
MAYBE TED LASSO COULD.
TED LASSO IS TRYING.
LOOK NO FURTHER THAN U.S.
CONGRESS, WHERE 25% OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES AND 30% OF
THE SENATE REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE HUMAN-CAUSED CLIMATE CHANGE.
I'M SURPRISED-- ( BOOING )
YOU WERE A LITTLE LATE WITH THAT.
I'M SURPRISED SO FEW SENATORS BELIEVE IT.
I MEAN, CHUCK GRASSLEY MUST BE SHOCKED BY ALL THE CHANGES TO
THE EARTH HE'S SEEN SINCE HIS CHILDHOOD IN PANGEA.
( LAUGHTER ) IN FACT, OUR SENIOR LEADERS'
SENIOR MOMENTS COULD BE BEHIND OUR SLOW REACTION TO CLIMATE
CHANGE.
THE AVERAGE AGE OF U.S. SENATORS IS 64.3 YEARS, THE OLDEST IN
U.S. HISTORY.
AND A RECENT STUDY FOUND AMONG AMERICANS OVER 65, ONLY ABOUT
HALF ARE VERY OR SOMEWHAT CONCERNED ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE.
THEY'RE MUCH MORE CONCERNED ABOUT GETTING TO DINNER.
IT'S ALREADY 4:15!
WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR.
( LAUGHTER ) SO IF WE'RE GOING TO GET
ANYTHING DONE ON CLIMATE, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CONVINCE OLDER
AMERICANS TO CARE ABOUT IT.
AND WHAT BETTER PLACE TO DO THAT THAN CBS?
SO, CBS VIEWERS, JOIN ME AT "YE OLDEN CAM."
HELLO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WELCOME TO YE OLDEN CAM, BROUGHT
TO YOU BY LANDLINES.
LANDLINES: WOULD IT KILL YOU TO CALL THEM?
NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING: "WHY SHOULD I WORRY
ABOUT THE EARTH GETTING HOTTER?
IT'S SO DRAFTY IN HERE."
BUT TRUST ME, IT'S ABOUT TO GET HOTTER THAN ANGIE DICKINSON IN
"POLICE WOMAN," AND WE'RE NOT PREPARED.
SO ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVES, AND THEN ROLL THEM DOWN AGAIN
BECAUSE YOUR FAMILY IS UNCOMFORTABLE WITH YOUR
PAPER-THIN SKIN AND WEIRD BRUISES.
THEN GET TO WORK PRESERVING THE PLANET FOR YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.
IT WILL HELP YOU RELATE TO THEM.
THEY CARE ABOUT THIS EARTH STUFF-- EVEN THE GRANDCHILD WITH
THE GREEN HAIR AND THE JEANS SHE RIPPED ON PURPOSE!
YOU DO THIS FOR HER, WHO KNOWS, SHE MIGHT READ THAT YAHOO! NEWS
ARTICLE YOU PRINTED OUT AND MAILED TO HER.
OKAY, GOTTA GET BACK TO THE SHOW.
SHAWN MON-- SHAWN MENDES IS HERE.
HIS NAME IS SHAWN MENDES.
BUT YOU'RE OLD.
YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.
( APPLAUSE ) OF COURSE--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) GOT THROUGH IT.
GOT THROUGH IT IS WHAT I DID.
>> Jon: RIGHT ON IN THERE.
>> Stephen: OF COURSE, IT'S NOT ALL BAD NEWS.
THERE IS ALSO TERRIBLE NEWS.
SCIENTISTS SAY THAT AS CLIMATE CHANGE SENDS
TEMPERATURES SOARING AND DROUGHTS INTENSIFY, MAJOR CROPS
ARE LIKELY TO SEE BIG YIELD DECLINES, INCLUDING DURUM WHEAT,
THE MAIN INGREDIENT IN MOST MAINSTREAM PASTA PRODUCTS.
NO, DO NOT COME FOR OUR BELOVED P'SKETTI!
WHAT GOOD IS BOILING OCEANS IF YOU CAN'T THROW SOME NOODLES IN
THERE FOR DINNER?
THE WATER IS ALREADY PRE-SALTED, AND IF YOU GET THE TIDES RIGHT,
YOU CAN PULL OUT A FULL BUCKET OF LINGUINE WITH CLAM SAUCE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
NOW-- ♪ ♪ ♪
MMM.
SPEAKING OF THINGS TO EAT: MEAT!
THIS SEGMENT BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE NATIONAL MEAT COUNCIL:
"MEAT: IT TASTES SO GOOD, YOU'LL NEVER PICTURE THE ANIMAL'S
FACE."
BUT HUMANS AREN'T THE ONLY ANIMALS THAT EAT MEAT.
SO DO HUMANS' ANIMALS.
OUR DOGS AND CATS EAT A TON OF MEAT EVERY YEAR.
IN FACT, IF AMERICAN PETS MADE UP THEIR OWN COUNTRY, THEY'D
EAT THE FIFTH-MOST MEAT GLOBALLY.
WOW!
ALSO, AN ALL-PET COUNTRY?
I WOULD LIKE TO LIVE THERE, PLEASE!
( LAUGHTER ) I'D WILLINGLY GO THROUGH THEIR
RIGOROUS IMMIGRATION PROCESS-- LETTING THEM SNIFF MY BUTT AND
THEN CUDDLING.
BUT MEAT PRODUCTION CAUSES A LOT OF GREENHOUSE GASSES, AND IN A
RECENT SURVEY, OVER HALF OF AMERICAN PET OWNERS SAID THAT
THEY WANT SUSTAINABLE ALTERNATIVE PROTEIN INGREDIENTS
IN PET FOOD.
I'M DOING MY PART.
I HAVE A DOG, BENNY, AND HALF HIS DIET IS APPARENTLY LOCALLY
SOURCED, SUSTAINABLE COUCH CUSHIONS.
BENNY, IF YOU'RE WATCHING THIS, "LEAVE IT!"
BUT IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A
NON-UPHOLSTERED WAY TO GET PROTEIN INTO YOUR PET'S FOOD,
SCIENTISTS SUGGEST AN INSECT-BASED DIET.
I HAVE MY DOUBTS.
ANIMALS FAMOUSLY ONLY EAT NON-GROSS THINGS, LIKE USED
UNDERWEAR AND THEIR OWN VOMIT.
BUT IT TURNS OUT PETS LOVE THE BUGGIES, AND THERE ARE NOW
INSECT-ONLY PET FOOD COMPANIES, LIKE JIMINY'S CRICKET CRAVE.
( LAUGHTER ) WAIT A SECOND, IF I'M READING
THAT TITLE RIGHT, JIMINY CRICKET IS SELLING FOOD MADE OF OTHER
THAT'S LIKE JEFFREY DAHMER MARKETING HIS "FILET OF PHIL"
SANDWICH.
>> Audience: OH!
>> Stephen: YOU'RE WELCOME!
YOU'RE WELCOME!
THERE'S SOME GOOD NEWS ON THE TECHNOLOGICAL FRONT.
IN AN ATTEMPT TO MITIGATE SOLAR RADIATION, SCIENTISTS HAVE
NOW CREATED THE WORLD'S WHITEST PAINT.
THIS PAINT IS SO WHITE, IT HAS A FAVORITE JIMMY BUFFET SONG.
( LAUGHTER ) THIS PAINT-- THIS PAINT IS SO
WHITE, IT DRIVES ITS MINI COOPER TO AN ED SHEERAN CONCERT.
THIS PAINT IS SO WHITE.
>> Audience: HOW WHIEPT IS IT?
>> Stephen: IT JUST CALLED THE COPS ON ALL THE OTHER PAINT.
THIS PAINT IS SO WHITE, THOSE COPS CALLED IT "SIR."
THIS PAINT IS SO WHITE.
>> Audience: HOW WHILE THE IS IT?
>> Stephen: IT HAS A DAUGHTER NAMED HAILEY.
>> Stephen: THIS PAINT IS SO WHITE.
>> Audience: HOW WHITE IS IT.
>> Stephen: IT'S WATCHING THIS SHOW RIGHT NOW.
THANKS FOR COMING OUT TO THE CHUCKLE HUT
TRY THE SHRIMP NACHO SPECIAL IT'S BEGINNING TO TURN.
THERE YOU GO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
APPARENTLY-- APPARENTLY-- BACK TO OUR STORY.
APPARENTLY, THIS SUPER-WHITE PAINT REFLECTS 98.1% OF SOLAR
RADIATION WHILE ALSO EMITTING INFRARED HEAT, SO A SURFACE
COATED WITH THIS PAINT IS COOLED DOWN TO BELOW THE SURROUNDING
TEMPERATURE.
THAT MEANS THAT THIS PAINT COULD ELIMINATE THE NEED FOR AIR
CONDITIONING.
OKAY, I WANT TO FIGHT GLOBAL WARMING BUT THAT'S GOING TOO
FAR.O I WILL NOT, NOT, GIVE UP MY AIR
CONDITIONING.
I NEED THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER COLD ENOUGH TO STORE ORGAN
TRANSPLANTS IN HERE.
BESIDES, THE AUDIENCE IS PERFECTLY COMFORTABLE.
JUST ASK THIS GUY.
( LAUGHTER ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS SINGER/SONGWRITER SHAWN MENDES.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I'LL TALK TO THE BIGGEST GUEST IN THE
WORLD: THE WORLD!
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!
LOK AT THAT!
IT'S JON BATEFORT AND STAY HUMAN, EVERYBODY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ AAAAHHHH!
>> Stephen: JON.
WHAT IS THAT?
JON LAMPLEY ON THE TRUMPET, JON LAMPLEY ON THE TRUMPET.
WHAT IS THAT NOTE?
>> THAT IS A "C" RIGHT ON THE DOT.
>> Stephen: THAT IS A "C" UP THERE.
I LIKE THAT ♪ OOOO♪
KING OF THE HIGH "C"s OVER HERE.
JON, I'M SUPER EXCITED.
I HAVE THE QUESTIONS IN MY HAND RIGHT NOW.
I'M TALKING TO A SUPERSTAR SINGER, MUSICIAN, SONGWRITER
SHAWN MENDES IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE TONIGHT.
>> Jon: YES, INDEED.
>> Stephen: 29 ALBUMS.
( APPLAUSE ) MAYBE WE'LL TALK ABOUT GLOBAL
WARMING.
HE KNOWS SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE PICTURES OF HIM WITHOUT A SHIRT AT THE MET
GALA.
THAT HAD TO MELT A FEW GLACIERS.
SPEAKING OF OUTFITS.
I'M NOT USED TO SEEING YOU IN THE BRIGHT RED.
WHAT'S GOING ON.
>> Jon: I'M WEARING RED IN SUPPORT OF THE #CODE-REDCLIMATE
MOVEMENT, WHICH WORKS TO PROTECT OUR PLANET FROM CLIMATE CHANGE
BY ATTEMPTING TO DRASTICALLY CUT POLLUTION.
IT'S APTLY NAMED "CODE-RED" BECAUSE U.N. SCIENTISTS HAVE
DECLARED THAT THE STATE OUR PLANET IS CURRENTLY IN CODE RED.
AND THAT NEEDS TO CHANGE BEFORE CITIES LIKE MY OWN NEW ORLEANS
ARE DESTROYED BY THESE STORMS THAT ARE ONLY GETTING WORSE.
>> Stephen: WELL SAID.
HOW IS IT RECOVERING FROM IDA?
HOW IS-- HOW IS THE IDA RECOVERING GOING?
>> IT'S SLOW, TO BE HONEST.
YOU KNOW.
IT'S NOT FULLY RECOVERED.
PEOPLE ARE STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET BACK TO
REGULAR LIFE.
EVEN IN A PANDEMIC.
SO, YOU KNOW, I'M STILL ENCOURAGING FOLKS TO DONATE.
I'M LEADING A FEW FUND RAISERS MYSELF.
THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT #COLD RED CLIMATE MOVEMENT.
THAT'S SOMETHING YOU CAN WORK TOWARDS.
WRITE TO YOUR CONGRESSPERSON AT coderedcongress.com.
THEY VOTE NEXT WEEK TO DETERMINE OUR FUTURE.
IT'S A HEAVY VOTE.
GET ON IT.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, JON.
( APPLAUSE ) NOW, FOR THOSE OF YOU JUST
JOINING TONIGHT'S BROADCAST, ALREADY IN PROGRESS, THIS
EVENING WE ARE PRESENTING A SPECIAL CLIMATE NIGHT EPISODE OF
AS EVER, I'M COMING TO YOU FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER-- OR, IF
WE NEVER DO ANYTHING ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE, THE ED SULLIVAN
WATER PARK AND DOLPHINARIUM.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, IF YOU LIVE ON EARTH-- AND
I HOPE YOU DO-- THEN FOR YEARS, YOU'VE HEARD THAT THE KEY TO
FIGHTING CLIMATE CHANGE IS TO REDUCE YOUR CARBON FOOTPRINT.
REMINDS ME OF THAT FAMOUS PARABLE, "WHEN YOU SAW ONLY ONE
SET OF FOOTPRINTS ON THE BEACH, IT WAS THEN THAT I PICKED YOU UP
IN MY TESLA."
( LAUGHTER ) BUT TURNS OUT, YOUR FOOTPRINT
MIGHT NOT BE THE BIG ONE, BECAUSE SINCE 1965, 20 COMPANIES
HAVE CONTRIBUTED 35% OF ALL ENERGY-RELATED CARBON DIOXIDE
AND METHANE WORLDWIDE.
AND CHEVRON, EXXON, B.P., AND SHELL ARE BEHIND MORE THAN 10%
OF THE WORLD'S CARBON EMISSIONS.
WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OIL COMPANIES WOULD BE BAD FOR THE
ENVIRONMENT, AFTER ALL THEY'VE DONE TO BARBECUE THE GULF OF
MEXICO.
WELL, I SAY, IT'S TIME TO STOP!
THOSE COMPANIES OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES-- UNLESS
THEY ARE A SPONSOR, IN WHICH CASE, KNOCK IT OFF MAYBE?
OR MAYBE NOT.
THANKS FOR THE COMMERCIALS!
IT'S HOW I PAID FOR MY TESLA.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OH, ONE OTHER THING.
HOLD ON.
HOLD-- HOLD ON!
ONE OTHER THING AND I MEAN THIS SINCERELY-- I'M A HUGE
HYPOCRITE.
I'LL NEVER DO ANYTHING THAT'S INCONVENIENT TO ME!
THAT'S WHY THERE HAS TO BE SYSTEMIC CHANGE, BACKED UP BY
GOVERNMENT ACTION, TO MAKE EVERYONE MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES,
NOT THE EASY ONES.
IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE GOVERNMENT INTERVENTION, WE'D STILL BE
EATING LEAD PAINT CHIPS, DIPPED IN A FRESH ASBESTOS HUMMUS, AND
WASHING IT DOWN WITH COCAINE COLAS!
ALL OF THIS HAS LED SCIENTISTS TO CONCLUDE THAT THERE HAS TO BE
REGULATION, AND THAT NO AMOUNT OF INDIVIDUAL ACTION WILL
ADDRESS THE MAGNITUDE OF THE PROBLEM.
BUT I STILL BELIEVE INDIVIDUALS SHOULD TRY DO THEIR PART.
HERE TO GIVE US TIPS ON HOW EACH OF US CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE
IMPROVING THE CLIMATE IS MOTHER EARTH.
HELLO, MOTHER EARTH.
( APPLAUSE ) >> MAHALO, STEPHEN!
>> Stephen: EARTH, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'RE HAWAIIAN.
>> I'M NOT.
I JUST FINISHED "WHITE LOTUS."
GREAT SHOW!
>> Stephen: JENNIFER COOLIDGE IS A NATIONAL TREASURE.
ANYWAY, MAMA EARTH, IS IT TRUE THAT THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN
PERSONALLY DO TO STOP CLIMATE CHANGE?
>> NO, THAT'S A BUNCH OF BALONEY!
THERE'S SO MUCH YOU CAN DO-- LITTLE THINGS, LIKE RECYCLING,
UNPLUGGING UNUSED APPLIANCES, BECOMING THE C.E.O. OF A
MULTINATIONAL ENERGY CONGLOMERATE.
EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS!
>> Stephen: WAIT, I'M SORRY, WHAT WAS THAT, AGAIN?
>> OH, I JUST MEAN, LIKE, WHEN YOU'RE NOT USING IT, YOU SHOULD
UNPLUG YOUR TOASTER OVEN.
>> Stephen: NO, NO, I GET THAT.
DO I REALLY HAVE TO BECOME THE C.E.O. OF AN ENERGY COMPANY TO
HELP?
COULDN'T I JUST, I DON'T KNOW, CARRY A REUSABLE WATER BOTTLE?
>> OF COURSE.
YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY USE A REUSABLE WATER BOTTLE WHILE
YOU'RE IN BUSINESS SCHOOL, GETTING AN M.B.A., SO YOU CAN
SLOWLY CLAW YOUR WAY UP THE CORPORATE LADDER TO DISMANTLE
THE SUICIDAL WORLD-DESTROYING SYSTEM OF GREED FROM THE INSIDE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: ARE YOU-- LET ME
GET THIS STRAIGHT, ARE YOU SAYING-- ARE YOU SAYING THAT
INDIVIDUAL ACTIONS ARE USELESS BECAUSE THESE CORPORATIONS ARE
THE REAL PROBLEM?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: OH, GOOD, BECAUSE-- >> IT'S ALSO RELIGION!
>> Stephen: SORRY?
>> THE CONCEPT OF AN AFTERLIFE GIVES YOU PEOPLE THE FALSE HOPE
OF AN ESCAPE HATCH.
THERE'S ONLY ONE ME, BABY!
AND THEN DARKNESS!
WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW, MOSES?
HARD TO PART THE RED SEA WHEN IT'S BOILING!
THAT BURNING BUSH HAS GOT A HUGE CARBON FOOTPRINT.
>> Stephen: THIS IS ALL SO GRIM, MAMA EARTH!
HOW DO YOU STAY SO CHEERFUL AMIDST YOUR IMPENDING DOOM?
>> IT'S NOT MY DOOM.
IT'S YOUR DOOM.
I'M GOING TO BE FINE.
YOU'RE THE ONES WHO ARE GOING TO BE DOING THE DOG PADDLE IN
DENVER.
MOMMA'S JUST GONNA KEEP ON SPINNIN'.
>> Stephen: WILL YOU MISS US WHEN WE'RE GONE?
>> SURE, YOU GUYS ARE CUTE.
BUT I'LL JUST GIVE DOLPHINS OPPOSABLE THUMBS.
( HRGGNNGH ) THERE, I JUST DID IT!
FLIPPER'S COMING FOR YOU, STEVE!
>> Stephen: MAMA EARTH, EVERYONE!
WHEN WE COME BACK, I TALK WITH MY GUEST, SHAWN MENDES, ABOUT
WHAT HE'S DOING TO SUPPORT CLIMATE ACTION.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK
TO "THE LATE SHOW."
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, EVERYBODY OUT THERE WATCHING THIS SHOW
KNOWS MY GUEST TONIGHT AS A SINGER/SONGWRITER WHO HAS
SOLD OVER 20 MILLION RECORDS WORLDWIDE, WITH HITS INCLUDING
"STITCHES," "TREAT YOU BETTER," AND "SENORITA."
PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW" SHAWN MENDES!
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> THIS MINE?
>> Stephen: THAT IS YOURS.
IT'S JUST WATER, IF YOU WANT ANYTHING ELSE, LET ME KNOW.
>> OKAY, THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: I WAS TALKING WITH JON EARLIER ABOUT THAT YOU AND
YOUR GIRLFRIEND, CAMILLAING KABEO, WENT TO THE MET GALA,
VERY FANCY NIGHT.
AND FASHION PLATE RIGHT HERE, I ALWAYS GO.
>> YOU HAVE BEEN SWITCHING IT UP.
>> Stephen: YOU DIDN'T GO THIS YEAR, BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T LET
ME IN WITHOUT A SHIRT ON.
>> RIGHT, RIGHT.
>> Stephen: THIS IS YOUR LOOK RIGHT THERE.
WHAT IS THE-- CAMILLA IS LOOKING GOOD THERE, TOO.
WHAT IS THE INSPIRATION FOR THIS LOOK?
WERE YOU MUGGED AND THEN BRAZILIAN WAXED?
WHAT IS-- >> I ACTUALLY HAVE SOME CHEST
HAIR THERE.
>> Stephen: YOU DO?
HOLD ON.
YES, YOU DO.
MY APOLOGIES.
>> IT WAS BASED OFF THE ROBERT MAPPLETHORPE, THE PHOTOGRAPHER.
>> Stephen: SURE, THE LEATHER JACKET.
>> YEAH, IT WAS MAINLY JUST TO GO SHIRTLESS, I THINK.
>> Stephen: IT WAS A PARTICULARLY HOT NIGHT.
>> IT WASN'T ACTUALLY THAT HOT.
IT WAS JUST, YOU KNOW.
I FEEL LIKE I REALLY LEARNED-- LIKE I WENT TO-- THIS IS MY
THIRD MET GALA AND YOU WERE AT ONE BEFORE THIS.
>> Stephen: WELL, I GO ALL THE TIME.
I GO ALL THE TIME.
( LAUGHTER ) EVEN WHEN THEY'RE NOT HOLDING
THE GAL AI'M JUST THERE ALL THE TIME.
NOW, DURING A CONCERT IN BRAZIL IN 2019, YOU STOPPED THE SHOW--
I THINK THIS IS THE MOMENT THERE-- YOU STOPPED THE SHOW TO
TALK ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE.
WHEN-- WHEN DID CLIMATE CHANGE AND THE ENVIRONMENTAL MOVEMENT
BECOME SOMETHING THAT YOU WERE DEEPLY CONCERNED ABOUT?
WHEN DID YOUR AWARENESS ARISE ABOUT THAT?
>> I MEAN, FOREVER.
I'M 23, SO IT'S KIND OF BEEN A LIFE THING TALKING ABOUT CLIMATE
CHANGE.
BUT IN THAT PARTICULAR PHOTO, I WAS IN SAO PAULO, BRAZIL, AND
THERE WAS CRAZY FIRES HAPPENING IN THE AMAZON RAINFOREST AT THE
TIME, AND THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO HOLD KOP25 IN BRAZIL, WHICH IS
WHERE WORLD LEADERS GET TOGETHER AND TALK ABOUT HOW TO SOLVE
CLIMATE CHANGE OR TRY TO SOLVE CLIMATE CHANGE, AND BRAZIL
PULLED OUT.
SO THE COUNTRY WAS REALLY KIND OF UPSET AND ANGRY, AND THERE
WERE DEMONSTRATIONS.
AND IT FELT LIKE -- >> Stephen: WAS THIS WHEN
BALSONARO PULLED THEM OUT?
>> YES.
AND IT SOUNDED LIKE A LOT OF ANGER AND UPSET.
I WAS PLAYING IN SAW PAULO THAT NIGHT, AND WE DID SOMETHING
SIMPLE LIKE THAT, I PLAYED THE SONG, FLIPPED MY GUITAR AROUND
AND HELD IT UP TO THE SKY.
AND I WAS STANDING THERE FOR WHAT FELT LIKE 30 MINUTES BUT
PROBABLY FOUR MINUTES.
AND I WAS SHAKING.
MY WHOLE BODY WAS SHAKING BECAUSE IT WAS STANDING FOR
SOMETHING BIGGER THAN MYSELF.
IT WAS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO BE ABLE TO STAND FOR THAT AND I
COULD FEEL THE POWER OF THE -- >> Stephen: AND THE AUDIENCE
RESPONDED?
LIKE, IT MEANT A LOT TO THE PEOPLE THERE.
>> IT WAS THE LOUDEST SCREAM I THINK I HEARD THE ENTIRE TOUR.
>> Stephen: AS I SAID IN THE MONOLOGUE TONIGHT, 56% IN POLLS,
56% OF YOUNG PEOPLE AGREE WITH THE STATEMENT THAT HUMANITY IS
DOOMED.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?
AND HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT SENTIMENT?
>> I MEAN, I THINK IT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE.
LIKE, WE'VE BASICALLY GROWN UP, MY GENERATION, GOING TO SCHOOL,
SINCE WE WERE, LIKE, FIVE, BASICALLY BEING TOLD THAT THE
EARTH IS DYING.
SO IT'S ONLY FAIR TO BE ADULTS NOW AND BE FEELING LIKE, YEAH,
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN DYING.
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN DOOMED.
>> Stephen: YOU HEARD THE DRUM BEAT.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU HEARD THE CONCERN.
>> IT'S JUST GETTING LOUDER.
>> Stephen: AND YET YOU HAVEN'T SEEN COLLECTIVE ACTION.
>> YEAH, BUT IT'S-- THE INFO IS OUT THERE, YOU KNOW.
I THINK IT'S TERRIFYING, LIKE, BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE YOU'RE
JUST BEING KIND OF CONSTUPID BY THE FEAR OF IT AND WHAT'S GOING
TO HAPPEN.
BUT THE INFO IS OUT THERE.
LIKE, THE DATA IS OUT THERE.
THERE IS RESEARCH THAT TELLS US HOW TO STOP IT AND WHAT WE CAN
DO.
YOU DID A GREAT JOB OF TELLING EVERYBODY ABOUT IT.
>> Stephen: I FIXED IT.
>> YEAH, YOU FIXED CLIMATE CHANGE.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE WELCOME.
( APPLAUSE ) YOU'RE WELCOME.
>> BUT, YEAH, I MEAN, YEAH, IT'S THERE.
SO I-- I EMPATHIZE WITH THE DOOM.
I FEEL THE DOOM.
>> Stephen: BUT YOU CAN'T GIVE IN TO IT.
>> YOU CAN'T GIVE IT TO IT.
>> Stephen: NO, NO.
WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL ASK SHAWN ABOUT HIS UPCOMING WORLD
TOUR "WONDER."
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE?
NOT ALONE.
HEY, EVERYBODY!
WE'RE BACK HERE WITH GLOBAL POP STAR SHAWN MENDES.
SHAWN, TOMORROW YOU ARE ANNOUNCING THE DATES FOR
"WONDER" THE WORLD TOUR.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: AND I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE DONATE AGO
( APPLAUSE ) YOU'RE DONATING $1 PER TICKET
FOR ALL NORTH AMERICAN SHOWS.
WHERE IS THAT MONEY GOING?
>> IT'S GOING TO MY FOUNDATION.
AND RIGHT NOW MY FOUNDATION IS SUPER HYPERFOCUSSED ON YOUTH
ACTIVISTS.
I THINK I REALIZED, EVERYBODY AFTER DOING TALK SHOWS AND
TALKING ABOUT STUFF LIKE THIS, I KIND OF KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT.
BUT THERE ARE KIDS YOUNGER THAN ME WHO TRULY HAVE SPENT THEIR
WHOLE LIFE, LIKE, RESEARCHING THIS STUFF.
AND THEY'RE SO SMART, AND THEY'RE SO AMAZING AND JUST,
LIKE, BEING ABLE TO FUND THEM AND SUPPORT THEM HAS JUST BEEN A
HUGE FOCUS.
SO THAT'S WHERE IT'S GOING.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE 23 YEARS OLD, AND YOU ALREADY HAVE A
FOUNDATION.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: WHERE DID THAT IDEA-- HOW DID THAT COME ABOUT?
THAT'S AN AMAZING THING FOR A 23-YEAR-OLD PUTTING THEIR FOCUS
ON?
>> I I SPENT A LOT OF TIME THINKING ABOUT MYSELF IN MY
YOUNGER YEARS AND I'M TRYING NOT TO DO THAT AS MUCH BUT THERE
COMES A TIME -- >> Stephen: I'M 57 AND I STILL
TRY NOT TO DO THAT.
>> I THINK THERE KIND OF CAME A POINT WHERE I WAS, LIKE,
OVERWHELMED BY THE AMOUNT OF PAIN IN THE WORLD.
AND I FELT KIND OF HOPELESS.
AND SO PART OF STARTING THE FOUNDATION WAS ACTUALLY ASKING
PEOPLE HOW I SHOULD HELP AND HOW I SHOULD GET INVOLVED.
THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT WAS JUST TO CREATE A TRUSTWORTHY
PLACE THAT PEOPLE COULD GO TO TO LEARN ABOUT STUFF THAT THEY CARE
ABOUT AND LEARN HOW TO HELP, AND SIMULTANEOUSLY, I WAS DOING ALL
THE LEARNING AT THE SAME TIME.
>> Stephen: AND WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE FOUNDATION.
>> SHAWN MENDES FOUNDATION.
>> Stephen: THERE'S SOMETHING CALLED A WONDER GRANT YOU'RE
GIVING OUT IN EACH CITY YOU PERFORM.
>> WONDER GRANT IS KIND OF THE SAME THING, WE'RE GIVING IT OUT
TO YOUTH CHANGE MAKERS.
AND I SAT DOWN WITH A COUPLE OF THE WONDER GRANTEES, AND THESE
SUMS OF MONEY ARE JUST CHANGING THEIR LIVES AND REALLY GIVING
THEM THE CONFIDENCE TO-- BECAUSE IT'S SO INTERESTING AT A YOUNG
AGE, YOU CAN BE SO PASSIONATE ABOUT SOMETHING SO PURE AND SO
GOOD.
AND IT CAN TAKE SOMETHING KIND OF ( BLEEP ) AS MONEY TO DETER
YOU FROM THAT, AND BEING ABLE TO KIND OF FUND A YOUNG PERSON CAN
CHANGE THEIR ENTIRE LIFE TO BEING DEDICATED TO HELPING THE
WORLD, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE ANNOUNCING THE TOUR DATES TOMORROW.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: I DO WANT TO POINT OUT THAT, TECHNICALLY, IT IS
TOMORROW RIGHT NOW.
THIS IS AFTER MIDNIGHT.
>> NICE.
>> Stephen: DO YOU WANT TO DROP ANY HINTS ON WHERE THE TOUR
DATES ARE?
>> MOST PLACES.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU LIVE IN ONE OF THOSE MOST
PLACES.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: KEEP AN EAR PEELED.
LAST MONTH, YOU RELEASED A NEW SINGLE CALLED "SUMMER OF LOVE."
WAS THE QUARANTINE A CREATIVE TIME FOR YOU?
LIKE, WERE YOU ABLE TO JUST HOLE UP AND CRANK OUT SONGS?
>> NO, NO, NO.
>> Stephen: NO?
>> IT WAS BRUTAL.
IT WAS ABSOLUTELY BRUTAL.
>> Stephen: THE ISOLATION DIDN'T HELP.
YOU HAVE TO BE WITH OTHER PEOPLE?
>> IT DIDN'T HELP.
UPON IT DID HELP ME CHANGE OF COURSE OF WHAT I WAS WRITING
ABOUT.
I WAS WRITING A LOT ABOUT CAMILA.
I STILL WROTE A LOT ABOUT CAMILA.
BUT I STARTED JUST THINKING ABOUT THINGS I CARED ABOUT.
I HAVE A SONG CALLED "WONDER," AND I'M TALKING ABOUT SMALL-- IN
SMALL WAYS, BIG PROBLEMS.
AND THAT WAS A BEAUTIFUL THING, AND I NEVER PROBABLY WOULD HAVE
DOVE INTO THAT IF IT WASN'T FOR BEING AT HOME.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER BREAK, BUT WHEN WE COME
BACK, I WILL ASK SHAWN HOW HE FEELS ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA NOW.
STICK AROUND.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE BACK WITH GLOBAL SUPERSTAR, SINGER/SONGWRITER
SHAWN MENDES.
I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA, BECAUSE YOU STARTED OFF--
FIRST GOT YOUR POPULARITY ON THE NOW-VINE.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT BEING ON SOCIAL MEDIA BECAUSE IT CAN BE
EXHAUSTING?
>> I HAVE MOST OF THE TIME A HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH SOCIAL
MEDIA, I THINK.
IT'S LIKE A BEAUTIFUL THING WHEN YOU CAN RALLY PEOPLE TOGETHER TO
DO SOMETHING IN A POSITIVE WAY.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING WHEN PEOPLE ARE SAYING GOOD THINGS
ABOUT YOU.
IT FEELS REALLY GOOD.
>> Stephen: AND WHEN PEOPLE SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT YOU?
>> IT'S THE WORST.
>> Stephen: THAT MIGHT HAPPEN TO ME SOME DAY.
I'M NOT SURE IF I'M READY FOR IT, BUT IT MIGHT JUST HAPPEN.
IT IS SAD, ISN'T IT?
WE CAN HAVE A GOOD EXPERIENCE ON THERE BUT IT IS NOT A PLACE FOR
AGREEMENT.
IT TENDS TO BE A PLACE FOR DISAGREEMENT.
>> AND JUDGMENT WE'RE WAIT SMARTER THAN THAT.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR TIME?
WHAT DO YOU REPLACE YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA TIME WITH?
IT'S A TIME HOLE YOU CAN FALL INTO.
>> I HONESTLY WISH I COULD SAY I'M GOOD AT NOT BEING ON SOCIAL
MEDIA, BUT I'M NOT.
I'M ON IT ALL THE TIME.
I SUCK AT IT.
>> Stephen: DO YOU EVER DELETE ALL THE APPS.
>> YEAH, UNTIL THREE DAYS, AND THEN I DOWNLOAD THEM AGAIN.
>> Stephen: AND YOU'RE GOING FOR THE PRECIOUS.
>> THAT'S SO GOOD.
>> Stephen: I READ THAT.
>> THAT WASN'T FROM YOU ORIGINALLY?
IS THERE NO, THAT'S FROM SOME GUY'S BOOK.
ON SATURDAY YOU'RE.
WITHING IN CENTRAL PARK AT GLOBAL CITIZEN LIVE.
THE LINEUP INCLUDES, CAMILAICA BAYO, GHILLIE EILISH, LOUDER,
AND MANY OTHER PEOPLE, INCLUDING OUR JON BATISTE.
DO YOU GUYS KNOW EACH OTHER?
>> YEAH, I MEAN, I-- I BASICALLY DESPERATELY REACH OUT TO PEOPLE
WHO I SEE GLOW AND, LIKE, DO AMAZING THINGS IN THE WORLD.
AND I-- I GOT IN TOUCH WITH JON BECAUSE I WAS JUST, LIKE, PLEASE
TELL ME EVERYTHING.
YOU'RE SUCH A WISE MAN.
AND SO TALENTED.
AND THAT WAS KIND OF THE BEGINNING OF OUR RELATIONSHIP.
BUT TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY WE REALLY, TRULY MET WAS JUST
BACKSTAGE.
>> Stephen: DID YOU SHARE SOME-- DID YOU SHARE SOME
WISDOM?
>> JUST BE YOURSELF.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
YOU COULD DO WORSE.
>> HE'S THE RIGHT GUIDE TO HAVE SIDE STAGE WHEN YOU HAVE PEOPLE
HERE BECAUSE HE'S SENDING SO MUCH LOVE.
>> Stephen: 100%.
THE ENTIRE BAND.
( APPLAUSE ) SHAWN, IT WAS SO LOVELY TO MEET
YOU.
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
OF COURSE.
>> Stephen: "SUMMER OF LOVE" IS AVAILABLE NOW.
DATES FOR "WONDER: THE WORLD TOUR" WILL BE ANNOUNCED
TOMORROW.
IT'S GOING TO BE EVERYWHERE.
SHAWN MENDES, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH COMEDIAN CHRIS TURNER.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST TONIGHT CAME ALL THE WAY
FROM ENGLAND TO MAKE HIS NETWORK TELEVISION DEBUT.
PLEASE WELCOME CHRIS TURNER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WOW, WHAT A PLEASURE TO BE HERE WITH YOU GUYS.
GOOD EVENING.
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY DREAM TO BE A RAPPER.
( LAUGHTER ) AND THANK YOU FOR LAUGHING AT
IT.
BECAUSE I SAW THE MOVIE "8 MILE" IN ENGLAND, SO THEY RETITLED IT
"12.9 CLOMSTERS."
AND I LOVED IT, I LOVED EMINEM.
SOME OF YOU MIGHT KNOW HIM BY HIS ROMAN NAME, THOUSANDS AND
THOUSAND.
( LAUGHTER ) FANS OF ROMAN NUMERAL JOKES IN
THE BAND OVER THERE.
THAT'S ALWAYS GOOD.
I LOVED EMINEM.
AND I LOVE DR. DRE.
I THOUGHT IT WAS PRONOUNCED DR. E.
MY DREAM IS TO BE A RAPPER AND STEPHEN HAS BEEN KIND ENOUGH
GIVING ME THIS OPPORTUNITY SO I THOUGHT I COULD HAVE SOME FUN
WITH THAT.
ARE YOU GUYS UP FOR THAT?
( APPLAUSE ).
>> YEAH.
AMAZING!
YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET THAT.
NO, WHAT I DO IS I DO FREESTYLE RAP.
THAT IS, RAP MADE UP ON THE SPOT BASED ENTIRELY ON SUGGESTIONS.
IT'S NOT WRITTEN.
IT'S NOT PREPARED.
IT IS NOT REHEARSED IN ANY WAY.
IT IS BASED ENTIRELY WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR A RAP ABOUT.
EVERYONE HERE THINK ABOUT A WORD, TOPIC OR PHRASE.
THERE ARE THR THREE RULES.
SONT SUGGEST FOOD, DON'T SUGGEST ANIMALS OR ANYTHING IN OBVIOUS.
A GERMAN MAN SAID, "A DAY IN THE LIFE OF AN AZTEC HIGH PRIEST."
I NEED YOU GUYS TO GET AS CREATIVE AS CLAUS.
IF YOU ARE IN THIS SEATING BLOCK HERE, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO
HEAR A RAP ABOUT?
PEOPLE FIGHTING OVER POKE MAN CARDS AT TARGET.
THAT IS FANTASTIC.
YEAH.
THAT'S FOR YOU, SIR.
THEY'RE GOING WILD FOR THAT.
MIDDLE OF THE ROOM.
WE HAVE SET A HIGH BAR WITH THE FIRST ONE.
BUT WHAT'S THE SECOND ONE GOING TO BE.
JON BATISTE OSCAR.
JON, I MEAN, CONGRATULATIONS.
( APPLAUSE ) YEAH.
I FEEL THAT JON SAT THERE NOW GOING I THINK IF WE LET HIM RAP
ABOUT IT, THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE IT AWAY.
NO, WE'RE GOING TO TAKE THAT SUGGESTION.
WHAT DID YOU SAY DOWN HERE.
TOILET PAPER HORDING.
AMAZING.
FIGHTING OVER POKEY MONCARDS, AND JON BATISTE OSCAR.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE.
A HAND UP.
NO RAPPER EVER IS LIKE PUT YOUR HANDS UP.
LITERALLY, YES, HELLO.
>> POST-TRUMP AMERICA.
>> THE POST-TRUMP AMERICA.
YEAH.
( APPLAUSE ) I MEAN, THEY LET ME IN, SO
THAT'S A GOOD START.
AND BALCONY, I DON'T WANT TO LET YOU GUYS BE MISSED OUT.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO RAP ABOUT.
WEIRD BABY NAMES WOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH, BUT YOU ADDED "ON MARS,"
AND TOOK IT OUT OF THIS WORLD QUITE LITERALLY.
THIS, LOVELY PEOPLE, IS A FREESTYLE RAP.
THAT IS A RAP MADE UP ENTIRELY ON THE SPOT.
YOU GUYS READY?
YEAH.
IF WE CAN DROP THAT BEAT GOOD SIR FIGHTING OVER POKEMAN CARDS
AT TARGET, JON BATISTE OSCAR, WEIRD BABY NAMES ON MARS, AND
TOIL PAPER HORDING.
LET'S DO THIS.
I'M EXCITED.
YES!
♪ ♪ ♪ REWARD AND NO HORDING I LEAVE ON
TH SHELF NEVER TAKING THE T.P.AND KEEP TO MYSELF.
I KNOW ABOUT 13 MONTHS AGO, PEOPLE SO WORRIED HOW THE
PANDEMIC GO.
LIKE ONO.
I GOT TO MAKE SURE I HIDE.
WHAT IF I GET THE RUNS IN MY BACKSIDE.
GOT TO MAKE QUICK LITTLE BEELINE, GET THE T.P., PUT IT
BACK HOME.
GIVE A LIGHT TEE-HEE.
DO YOU NEED IT?
GOT TO GET THE TRIPLE PLY.
NEED A LITTLE BIT AND STORE IT ON THE ROLL AND I FEEL FULFILLED
AND I FEEL SO WHOLE.
BUT EVENTUALLY WE DIDN'T GET THAT SHORTAGE.
IF YOU'RE TRYING TO HORDE IT, REPORT IT.
PUT IT ONLINE.
PUT YOU ON BLAST, AND IF I'M THERE IN TARGET AT LAST I GET TO
THE LITTLE SECTION THEY NEED.
WALK IN QUICKLY, DO IT WITH SPEED.
I'M LIKE YES, IN THE QUEUE NUMBER ONE, I WILL BE STANDING
AT THE FRONT FOR THE POKEMAN.
GETTING HERE EARLY WAS SO HARD, BUT THEN SOMEONE COMES FROM
BEHIND, THEY'RE LIKE EXCUSE ME, CHRIS, DO YOU MIND?
THAT'S MINE.
I BE LIKE, QUICK LOOK.
CAN I DODGE THAT RIGHT JAB AND LEFT HOOK.
I BRENG IT OUT.
I RUN AND HURTLE.
I STOLE THE CARDS I BE COMING UP THERE IN THE LAP OF THE GUARDS.
I WANT TO TAKE UP THERE LIKE E.
ON A JET UP TO MARS LET ME LAY THIS TO REST.
A FAVORITE WE GOT.
PEOPLE SAY LOOK AT THAT BABY IN THE CAR.
WHAT SHALL I CALL HER?
I'M THINKING ON MANY LEWDIDDITIES.
NO, THOSE ARE WEIRD NAMES FROM THE PAST.
IT'S ON A ROCKET AND YOU WANT TO DO A BLAST.
OFF MAYBE YOU WOULD KEEP THAT HEART MAYBE NAME YOUR BABY BUZZ
OR NEIL.
UP THERE, WHO WOULD EVEN MIND.
I WOULD ASSUME ELON AND GRIMES NAME THEIR BABY AFTER A STAR.
I CAN'T PRONOUNCE IT SO DON'T EXPECT THAT PARIN THE RAP.
I'M TALKING OFF LIKE A WINNING JON BATISTE.
OH, MY GOD.
HE BE UP THERE WIELDING THAT OSCAR LIKE YEAH, THIS IS THE
BEST AWARD YOU CAN GET.
WRITE MUSIC FOR "SOUL" I'M GOING TO HOLD THIS SO ASSURED.
JON B., THE ACADEMY AWARD ONE MORE GOING TO COME OUT ON AN AD.
I SEE YOU AT THE FRONT YOU WERE MEANT TO BE.
TALK ABOUT POST-TRUMP AMERICA.
WE FINALLY GOT THERE IT APPEARS.
ONLY HAD TO PUT IT WITH FOUR YEARS.
WE WERE RIGHT HERE WITH MR. JOE, THAT'S BIDEN, IF YOU DIDN'T
REALLY KNOW.
IS IT MUCH BETTER NOW?
SLIGHTLY, NO HATING, EVEN THOUGH WE'RE CURRENTLY SUFFERING
INFLATION.
SURE, IT WILL GO AWAY EVENTUALLY.
THAT'S A FREESTYLE RAP FROM ME, CHRIS T.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN SEE HIM LIVE IN BROOKLYN AT THE BELL HOUSE ON
OCTOBER 30.
CHRIS TURNER, EVERYBODY!
THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE ANDERSON COOPER.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.