>> RAPPER NICKI MINAJ SAYS THAT HER COUSIN'S FRIEND-- AND SHE
PUT THIS ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
SHE HAS 22 MILLION FOLLOWERS.
SHE SAID HE HAS SWOLLEN TESTICLES AFTER TAKING THE
VACCINE.
SHE CITED THAT ACTUALLY AS ONE OF THE REASONS THAT SHE HAS YET
TO BE VACCINATED.
>> AND SHE GOES ON TO SAY, "HIS FRIEND WAS WEEKS AWAY FROM
GETTING MARRIED.
NOW THE GIRL CALLED OFF THE WEDDING."
( LAUGHTER ) >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES:
JUSTICE STPHEN BREYER FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: OH!
GOT TO GATHER UP THE ENERGY.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HELLO, LOUIS.
WELCOME, WELCOME, BENGHAZI, EVERYBODY, IN HERE OUT THERE, TO
"THE LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HEY, REMEMBER HOW ANXIOUS YOU
WERE IN THE FINAL DAYS OF THE PREVIOUS PRESIDENCY?
WELL, TURNS OUT, NOW THAT WE'RE THROUGH IT, I THINK WE CAN SAY,
IN HINDSIGHT, THAT MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A LITTLE MORE
TERRIFIED, BECAUSE WE'RE GETTING NEW DETAILS ABOUT THE LAST DAYS
OF THE LAST ADMINISTRATION OF "THE LARDFATHER," IN THE NEW
TELL-ALL FROM BOB WOODWARD AND ROBERT COSTA, "PERIL."
TURNS OUT, TWO DAYS AFTER THE JANUARY 6th INSURRECTION, JOINT
CHIEFS CHAIRMAN, MARK MILLEY FEARED THE FORMER PRESIDENT
WOULD LAUNCH A NUCLEAR WAR.
THAT'S A BOMBSHELL REVELATION A BOMBSHELL ABOUT A BOMBSHELL
THAT WOULD BRING ABOUT THE REVELATION.
BUT GOING NUCLEAR MAKES SENSE FOR THE FORMER PRESIDENT.
AFTER ALL, HE IS A FAT MAN WHO ACTS LIKE A LITTLE BOY.
APPARENTLY-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
TRUE STORY.
APPARENTLY, GENERAL MILLEY BELIEVED THE THEN-PRESIDENT HAD
GONE INTO A SERIOUS MENTAL DECLINE IN THE AFTERMATH OF THE
ELECTION.
THAT IS PRETTY FRIGHTENING, BUT NOT SURPRISING.
WE ALL KNOW THE FORMER PRESIDENT HAS PROBLEMS WITH DECLINES.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SO, GENERAL MILLEY-- A LITTLE NERVOUS?
>> Jon: YEAH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: GENERAL MILLEY SINGLEHANDEDLY TOOK TOP-SECRET
ACTION TO LIMIT THE FORMER PRESIDENT FROM POTENTIALLY
ORDERING A DANGEROUS MILITARY STRIKE OR LAUNCHING NUCLEAR
WEAPONS.
WHAT HE DID WAS, HE CHANGED THE NUCLEAR CODES
INTO SOMETHING THE PRESIDENT WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO FIGURE
OUT: HIS CHILDREN'S BIRTHDAYS.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
IT WASN'T JUST OUR GENERALS WHO WERE CONVINCED THE PRESIDENT WAS
GOING TO START A WAR.
THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT BELIEVED THE UNITED STATES WAS PREPARING
TO ATTACK, BASED ON TENSIONS OVER MILITARY EXERCISES IN THE
SOUTH CHINA SEA, AND DEEPENED BY THE PRESIDENT'S BELLIGERENT
RHETORIC TOWARD CHINA.
THAT'S HOW SERIOUS IT WAS.
CHINA WAS AFRAID THE FORMER PRESIDENT WAS GOING TO BOMB HIS
DAUGHTER'S PURSE FACTORIES.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
IT WAS-- IT WAS SO-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LOVELY-- OH, QUALITY.
IT'S THE QUALITY.
IT WAS SO PLAUSIBLE, THAT GENERAL MILLEY FELT COMPELLED TO
CALL THE CHINESE AND SAY, "I WANT TO ASSURE YOU THAT THE
AMERICAN GOVERNMENT IS STABLE, AND EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE
OKAY.
WE ARE NOT GOING TO ATTACK."
THAT'S NOT REASSURING!
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S LIKE A BABYSITTER CALLING
WHILE YOU'RE AT DINNER TO SAY, "I WANT TO ASSURE YOU THAT THE
TWINS ARE STABLE AND EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY.
THEY ARE NOT GOING TO SET THE GARAGE ON FIRE OR DO ANYTHING
ELSE WITH THE MATCHES I LET THEM PLAY WITH.
HOW ATTACHED WERE YOU TO THE DOG?"
( LAUGHTER ) THE BOOK ALSO TALKS ABOUT HOW
MUCHPRESSURE WAS PUT ON MIKE PENCE BY OL' BONE SPURS N'
HARMONY.
ON JANUARY 5th, PENCE TOLD THE THEN-PRESIDENT THAT VICE
PRESIDENTS DON'T HAVE THE POWER TO OVERTURN AN ELECTION.
AS MAGAHEADS WERE CHEERING OUTSIDE, THE PRESIDENT TURNED TO
PENCE AND SAID, "IF THESE PEOPLE SAY YOU HAD THE POWER, WOULDN'T
YOU WANT TO?" PENCE REPLIED,"I WOULDN'T WANT
ANY ONE PERSON TO HAVE THAT AUTHORITY," TO WHICH THE FORMER
PRESIDENT SAID, "BUT WOULDN'T IT BE ALMOST COOL TO HAVE THAT
POWER?" ( LAUGHTER )
ALWAYS NICE TO HEAR WORDS LIKE "COOL" ATTACHED TO FLAGRANT
ABUSES OF POWER, LIKE WHEN NIXON SAID, "HEY, HENRY, WOULDN'T IT
BE GROOVY IF WE SECRETLY BOMBED CAMBODIA?
COWABUNGA, DUDE!" THE V.P. WOULD NOT BUDGE, WHICH
INFURIATED THE SAD-ITIONIST, WHO SCREAMED, "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND,
MIKE.
YOU CAN DO THIS.
I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE IF YOU DON'T DO THIS."
I GOTTA SAY, THAT MUST HAVE BEEN TOUGH TO HEAR, BUT THE NEXT
DAY, AT THE CAPITOL RIOT, MIKE PENCE FOUND SOME NEW FRIENDS TO
HANG WITH.
BOB WOODWARD-- ( APPLAUSE )
SO SAD.
BOB WOODWARD AND ROBERT COSTA WILL BE MY GUESTS ONE WEEK FROM
TONIGHT.
SITTING RIGHT OVER THERE.
AND I-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT WILL BE A GREAT SHOW, GREAT SHOW.
I WILL ASK THEM HOW CLOSE WE WERE TO NUCLEAR ARMAGEDDON, AND
THEN ASK THEM TO ROCK ME GENTLY IN THEIR ARMS WHILE I OPENLY
WEEP.
HEY, IN MORE HOPEFUL NEWS, AFTER AN 18-MONTH SHUTDOWN, TODAY THE
BIGGEST BROADWAY SHOWS REOPENED!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I'M TALKIN' "HAMILTON,"
"WICKED," "THE LION KING."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BROADWAY!
♪ ♪ ♪ "THE LATE SHOW" IS CELEBRATING
BROADWAY'S RETURN.
CHECK OUT THE DOME!
THERE IT IS, TIMES SQUARE, ALL THE SPLENDOR OF BROADWAY!
( APPLAUSE ) THAT WILL BE $280.
PRODUCTIONS ARE STILL TAKING PRECAUTIONS.
JUST LIKE OUR THEATER, MASKS ARE NOW REQUIRED FOR BROADWAY
AUDIENCES.
THAT MEANS FULL COVERAGE OF MOUTH AND NOSE.
LOOKIN' AT YOU, PHANTOM.
( LAUGHTER ) JIMMY, CAN WE HELP HIM OUT?
THANK YOU.
REOPENING IS GOING MORE SMOOTHLY THAN EXPECTED.
PRODUCERS SAY, "THERE WERE ACTUALLY FEWER RODENTS THAN
FEARED IN THE THEATER BUILDINGS."
NOW, THAT'S WHAT YOU PUT UP ON THE MARQUEE.
COME SEE "WAITRESS: WITH FEWER RODENTS THAN FEARED!"
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
WE DON'T HAVE ANY, RIGHT?
NO RODENT.
NO RODE ENTS HERE.
>> Jon: MICHELANGELO, LEONARDO, DONATELLO, NOTHING.
>> Stephen: IN OTHER DAZZLING NEWS, LAST NIGHT WAS THE ANNUAL
MET GALA.
THIS YEAR'S THEME WAS AN HOMAGE TO AMERICA.
SOME FOLKS TOOK THAT LITERALLY, LIKE SOCCER PLAYER MEGAN RAPINOE
AND ROCKER DEBBIE HARRY, WHILE OTHERS MADE STATEMENTS, LIKE
A.O.C.'S DRESS THAT READ "TAX THE RICH."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YES, BY ALL MEANS.
ABSOLUTELY.
STRONG STATEMENT.
AND A LOVELY TRIBUTE TO BERNIE'S "RAISE THE MINIMUM WAGE" TANK
TOP.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
GOOD.
LOOKS GOOD.
A LITTLE MIDRIFF, A LITTLE DARING.
RAPPER LIL NAS X HAD MULTIPLE LOOKS, INCLUDING THIS CAPE,
WHICH HE SHED TO REVEAL A GOLDEN SUIT OF ARMOR.
UNFORTUNATELY, HE HAD TO LEAVE EARLY TO HELP R2D2 GET HAN,
LUKE, AND LEIA OUT OF A TRASH COMPACTOR.
( APPLAUSE ) OF COURSE--
♪ ♪ ♪ I KNOW THE QUESTION ON
EVERYONE'S MIND.
THEY'RE SAYING, "STEPHEN, DID YOU ATTEND THE MET GALA?"
AND THE ANSWER IS, "YES, I DID!" AND THERE I AM.
THAT'S ME.
THERE I AM.
YOU CAN'T PROVE IT ISN'T ME.
ONE MET GALA INVITEE WHO DIDN'T SHOW UP WAS RAPPER NICKI MINAJ,
SEEN HERE AFTER BEING UPHOLSTERED.
MINAJ TWEETED THAT THE REASON SHE DIDN'T GO TO THE MET GALA
WAS BECAUSE OF HER YOUNG CHILD, BUT SHE ALSO TWEETED, "THEY WANT
YOU TO GET VACCINATED FOR THE MET.
IF I GET VACCINATED, IT WON'T BE FOR THE MET.
IT'LL BE ONCE I FEEL I'VE DONE ENOUGH RESEARCH.
I'M WORKING ON THAT NOW."
( BOOING ) NO, I AM NOT SURPRISED.
SHE'S KNOWN FOR HER EXTENSIVE RESEARCH ON WHAT ANACONDAS WANT,
IF AND WHEN YOU'VE GOT BUNS, HUN.
( APPLAUSE ) DEEP DIVE.
DEEP DIVE ON THAT SUBJECT?
A. DEEP DIVE ON THAT ONE, BUT IL >> Stephen: HER NEXT TWEET
SHOWED HOW DEEPLY SHE'S DELVED INTO THE VACCINE SCIENCE,
SAYING, "MY COUSIN IN TRINIDAD WON'T GET THE VACCINE
CUZ HIS FRIEND GOT IT AND BECAME IMPOTENT.
HIS TESTICLES BECAME SWOLLEN."
SEE, THAT'S WHY I MADE SURE TO GET MY SHOT IN THE SHOULDER.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I CAN'T-- SO IMPORTANT.
♪ ♪ ♪ SO IMPORTANT.
YOU ALL RIGHT.
.>> Jon: YEAH, I'M GOOD ON THAT.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO SAY THIS, BUT DOCTORS AGREE THAT
COVID VACCINES DO NOT CAUSE SWOLLEN TESTICLES.
BUT TO BE FAIR TO DR. MINAJ, EVERYONE KNOWS THERE'S NO SOURCE
MORE RELIABLE THAN YOUR EXTENDED FAMILY'S ACQUAINTANCES IN
ANOTHER COUNTRY.
HER REPORT COMES STRAIGHT FROM "THE NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF MY
COUSIN'S FRIEND IN TRINIDAD.
( APPLAUSE ) JUST--
CHECK OUT THIS WEEK'S STUDY: I HEARD HIS GIRLFRIEND GOT
PREGNANT FROM A HOT TUB.
( LAUGHTER ) OH, TODAY IN CALIFORNIA, VOTERS
HEADED TO THE POLLS FOR THE RECALL ELECTION OF CALIFORNIA
GOVERNOR AND MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY PLAYING MITT ROMNEY
IN A BIOPIC, GAVIN NEWSOM.
NOW, AT THE TIME OF THIS TAPING, WE DON'T KNOW THE WINNERS OR THE
LOSERS, BUT WE KNOW AT LEAST ONE LOSER WHO CLAIMS HE WAS THE
WINNER-- REPUBLICAN FRONT-RUNNER AND MAN NOTICING A SQUIRREL
CARRYING A WHOLE WAFFLE, LARRY ELDER.
YESTERDAY, BEFORE A SINGLE VOTE WAS COUNTED, ELDER WAS ALREADY
CONCEDING DEFEAT AND PREPARING TO BLAME HIS LOSS ON BASELESS
CLAIMS OF WIDESPREAD VOTER FRAUD, GOING LIVE--
( BOOING ) GOING LIVE WITH A WEBSITE
BEGGING VOTERS TO "INVESTIGATE AND AMELIORATE THE TWISTED
RESULTS OF THIS 2021 RECALL ELECTION OF GOVERNOR GAVIN
NEWSOM."
AND HE PUT THAT UP BEFORE A SINGLE RESULT COULD HAVE BEEN
TWISTED.
IT'S LIKE SENDING AN EMAIL TO YOUR BOSS AT 5:00 P.M. SAYING,
"HEY, TOMORROW MORNING, MY ALARM ISN'T GOING TO GO OFF.
I'LL BE VERY LATE, BUT YOU'RE GOING TO BE COOL WITH IT.
SEE YOU AT HAPPY HOUR!" ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ELDER'S WEB SITE--
>> Jon: YEAH, BABY.
>> Stephen: IT'S A JOURNEY.
ELDER'S WEBSITE SAYS HE'S GOT PRE-PROOF OF THE FUTURE FRAUD,
THANKS TO STATISTICAL ANALYSES USED TO DETECT FRAUD IN
ELECTIONS HELD IN THIRD-WORLD NATIONS, SUCH AS RUSSIA,
VENEZUELA, AND IRAN, ADDING: "MY COUSIN IN TRINIDAD TOLD ME
HIS FRIEND'S BALLS VOTED TWICE."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS SUPREME COURT JUSTICE STEPHEN BREYER.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!"
STICK AROUND.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
THAT IS JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
THERE YOU GO.
( APPLAUSE ) JON, JON, OUR GUEST TONIGHT--
IT'S A REAL HONOR.
YOU KNOW WE-- LISTEN, I'M HAPPY ANYONE WOULD WANT TO COME TALK
TO THIS GOOFY GUY ON THIS SHOW, BUT SOMETIMES WE GET GUESTS WHO
TRULY HONOR US WITH THEIR PRESENCE, AND TODAY JUSTICE
STEPHEN BREYER, SITTING SUPREME COURT JUSTICE, IS ON THE SHOW
TONIGHT.
HE'S GOT A NEW BOOK-- HE'S GOT A NEW BOOK, TALK ABOUT SOME STUFF.
AND I'M GOING TO HIT HIM WITH SOME HARD QUESTIONS.
THE HARDEST WHICH IS, OBVIOUSLY, IS A HOT DOG A SANDWICH.
>> Jon: WOW.
>> Stephen: AND I DON'T BELIEVE I'VE ASKED HIM THAT
BEFORE.
>> Jon: THAT'S A TOUGH ONE.
>> Stephen: I JUST HOPE THAT ANSWER DOESN'T BREAK DOWN ALONG
IDEOLOGICAL LINES, YOU KNOW.
BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT THE COURT TO SEEM POLITICAL.
>> Jon: RIGHT.
>> Stephen: AND THIS WILL TELL US.
>> Jon: I KNOW.
>> Stephen: THIS WILL TELL US.
THIS IS THE LITMUS TEST RIGHT HERE.
JON, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS, BUT THIS AFTERNOON,
SHORTLY BEFORE WE CAME IN HERE TO REHEARSE THE SHOW, WE FOUND
OUT THAT COMEDY GREAT NORM MacDONALD DIED TODAY AFTER A
LONG BATTLE WITH CANCER.
AND I CAN'T SAY THAT NORM AND I WERE CLOSE.
I WROTE FOR "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" FOR ONE MONTH, FOR THREE
SHOWS, A GUEST WRITER.
IT'S HARD TO FIND YOUR SPOT OVER THERE IF YOU'RE JUST IN FOR A
SHORT PERIOD OF TIME.
AND NORM GOES, "COME SIT WITH US.
COME SIT WITH US."
AND I ENDED UP WRITING FOR "WEEKEND UPDATE" THE WHOLE TIME
THERE I WAS.
AND HE IS, IN MY OPINION, GREATEST HOST OF "WEEKEND
UPDATE" THEY HAVE HAD.
NOT TO TAKE AWAY FROM ANYBODY ELSE, BUT HE WAS MY CUP OF TEA.
I LIKED THAT HE TOLD JOKES, IN THE NICEST POSSIBLE WAY, DIDN'T
SEEM TO CARE IF THE AUDIENCE LIKED THEM.
BUT HE LIKED THE JOKE.
THEY WERE SOMETIMES DARK, SOMETIMES EVEN TOO DARK FOR ME.
BUT THEY WERE DARK AND STRANGE AND HE HAD A WONDERFUL PRESENCE.
AND, AGAIN, TOOK ME IN.
>> Jon: YEAH.
>> Stephen: AND THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO SAY.
AND I WISH I WERE A GOOD ENOUGH COMEDIAN TO COME UP WITH A JOKE
RIGHT NOW ABOUT NORM MacDONALD HAVING DIED.
BUT THE ONLY COMEDIAN I KNOW WHO COULD GET AWAY WITH A "NORM
MacDONALD IS DEAD JOKE," IS NORM MacDONALD.
AND I'M GOING TO MISS THE FACT THAT THERE'S NOBLEST ON THE
PLANET WHO CAN DO THAT.
AND THE COMEDY WORLD IS POORER FOR IT TODAY.
SO I HOPE SOMEWHERE UP THERE, OR WHEREVER...
( LAUGHTER ) HE'D FIGURE THAT JOKE OUT.
( LAUGHTER ) Y'KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME
RIGHT OVER THERE, PULLING TOGETHER THE FINEST, NEWSIEST
LIMESTONE, CHISELING IN THE MOST DELICATE AND TOPICAL OF
BAS-RELIEFS, AND THE MOST ORNATE ARCHES, MAKING SURE THERE'S NARY
A BAD SEAT IN THE HOUSE, THEN ASSEMBLING THE MOST FEARSOME
NEWS WARRIORS THE ARENA HAS EVER SEEN TO CONSTRUCT FOR YOU THE
ROMAN COLOSSEUM THAT IS MY NIGHTLY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, I WAKE UP MY NEIGHBOR AT 3:00 IN THE MORNING,
DRAG HIM INTO MY SHED, WHERE I'VE SET UP A KIDDIE POOL I
BOUGHT 20 YEARS AGO AND FILLED WITH EXPIRED JELL-O AND LUKEWARM
BEER, HUFF SOME ACETONE OUT OF A PRICE CHOPPER BAG, THEN
CHALLENGE HIM TO JOIN ME IN THE OLD MAN WRESTLING LEAGUE OF
NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: "MEANWHILE!"
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) RIGHT THERE.
IT'S GOING TO MAKE ALL THE PAIN GO AWAY.
MEANWHILE, IT'S A GREAT TIME TO BE IN THE MARKET FOR A USED CAR,
BECAUSE "MAD MAX: FURY ROAD'S ICONIC FLEET OF POST-APOCALYPTIC
WAR RIGS ARE UP FOR AUCTION."
AND THERE ARE SOME GREAT CHOICES FOR FAMILIES HERE.
SOME OF THEM COME WITH EXTRA SEATING.
RIGHT UP FRONT.
( LAUGHTER ) AND IF ONE OF YOUR KIDS IS IN
BAND, THERE'S ALSO PLENTY OF ROOM FOR BRYSON TO PRACTICE
FLAMETHROWER GUITAR.
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, LAST WEEK, PORTLAND
NAMED ITS NEWEST BRIDGE AFTER ICONIC "SIMPSONS" CHARACTER, NED
FLANDERS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THERE YOU GO.
IT IS THE GREATEST INFRASTRUCTURE HONOR FOR A
CARTOON CHARACTER SINCE ARIZONA'S WILE E. COYOTE TUNNEL.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, THE "USA TODAY" IS ADVISING NON-JEWISH PEOPLE,
"DON'T SAY 'HAPPY YOM KIPPUR' ON THE DAY OF ATONEMENT.
OTHER THINGS NOT TO SAY TO JEWS ON YOM KIPPUR: "MERRY
CHRISTMAS," AND "L'SHANA TOYOTATHON."
THE PROPER THING TO SAY IS "G'MAR CHA-TIMAH TO-VAH," OR
"MAY YOU BE SEALED IN THE BOOK OF LIFE," BECAUSE YOM KIPPUR IS
SOLEMN.
AS ONE CELEBRANT PUT IT, "THIS ISN'T A DAY OF RAUCOUSNESS AND
PARTYING."
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOM KIPPUR IS NOT FOR RAUCOUSNESS AND PARTYING.
PURIM IS THE ONE WHERE YOU BREAK OUT THE BEER YARMULKE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, SOMETIMES WE HERE AT "MEANWHILE" MEDIA SOLUTIONS AND
SECOND-HAND GOODS EMPORIUM FIND SO MANY STORIES ABOUT THE ICE
AGE THAT WE HAVE TO COVER IT IN OUR SPECIAL "MEANWHILE"
SUB-SEGMENT: "PLEISTOCENE-WHILE."
( LAUGHTER ) PLEISTOCENE-WHILE, A TEAM OF
SCIENTISTS AND ENTREPRENEURS HAVE STARTED A NEW COMPANY TO
GENETICALLY RESURRECT THE WOOLLY MAMMOTH BY EDITING ELEPHANT
D.N.A. AND ADDING GENES FOR MAMMOTH TRAITS LIKE DENSE HAIR
AND THICK FAT-- A PROCESS KNOWN TO HUMANS AS "QUARANTINING."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
BUT-- BUT THE COMPANY IS ALREADY
FACING ETHICAL ISSUES, WITH SOME ASKING, IS IT HUMANE TO PRODUCE
AN ANIMAL WHOSE BIOLOGY WE KNOW SO LITTLE ABOUT?
YES, SCIENCE.
THE LAST TIME WE TRIED TO MESS WITH THE NATURAL ORDER OF THINGS
WE WENT TOO FAR AND ENDED UP WITH APPLE PIE OREOS.
( LAUGHTER ) THEY MAKE THE ANGELS CRY.
( APPLAUSE ) PLEISTOCENE-WHILE,
SCIENTISTS HAVE LOCATED THE LIKELY ORIGIN FOR THE
DINOSAUR-KILLING ASTEROID.
IS IT SPACE?
BECAUSE I THINK IT'S SPACE.
( LAUGHTER ) OKAY.
DID I WIN SCIENCE?
NOW, I'M GOING TO PAUSE HERE FOR A SECOND, BECAUSE THAT SOUND
YOU'RE HEARING IS A BUNCH OF DORKS POINTING OUT THAT THE
ASTEROID THAT KILLED THE DINOSAURS WAS IN THE CRETACEOUS,
MORE THAN 60 MILLION YEARS BEFORE THE PLEISTOCENE EPOCH
BEGAN AND, THEREFORE, THIS STORY HAS NO PLACE IN
PLEISTOCENE-WHILE, AND THEY ARE CORRECT.
WHICH-- ( APPLAUSE )
IN ALL FAIRNESS, THEY ARE CORRECT.
WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY PLEISTOCENE-WHILE SUBSEGMENT,
"SUCK MY ASS-WHILE.
SUPREME COURT JUSTICE STEVEN BRYER IS GONNA BE OUT HERE IN
JUST A MINUTE.
"SUCK MY ASS-WHILE.
ACCORDING TO OUR RESEARCH THE ASTEROID CAME FROM OUR SOLAR
SYSTEMS OUTER ASTEROID BELT, A DISTANT REIGON BETWEEN MARS AND
JUPITER.
WELL ITS GOOD TO HAVE THESEE ANSWERS AND I KNOW WE CAN
FINALLY PROVIDE SOME CLOSURE TO THE DINOSAURS FAMILIES.
MEANWHILE,
A CHINA RESEARCHER BELIVES THEY HAVE EVIDENCE OF 9000 YEAR OLD
BEER, AFTER FINDING THE RESIDUE OF A FERMENTED BEVERAGE MADE OF
RICE GRAN AND UNIDIENTIFIED TUBERS.
CALLING IT BEER IN THE MOST GENERAL SENSE.
SO, BUDWEISER.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SUPREME COURT JUSTICE STEPHEN BRYER
( APPLAUSE ) >> O'Donnell: HEY, EVERYBODY.
>> MY GUEST TONIGHT HAS SERVED ON THE SUPREME COURT FOR 27
YEARS, PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE "LATE SHOW, JUSTICE STEPHEN
BREYER.
( APPLAUSE ) >> NICE HAVE TO YOU ON.
>> NICE TO BE HERE.
>> IT HAS BEEN SIX YEARS, JUST ABOUT SIX YEARS, EXACTLY, SINCE
YOU HAVE BEEN ON THE SHOW.
HOW ARE YOU BEEN?
>> I'VE BEEN FINE.
>> I LOVE HAVING A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE ON.
IT FEELS LIKE I'M DOING THE JACK PAR SHOW OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
1961 OR SOMETHING.
WE DON'T GET TO SEE YOU NORMALLY DOING YOUR JOB, BECAUSE THERE
ARE NO CAMERAS INSIDE THE SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED
STATES.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?
I KNOW THAT THE RULES AGAINST IT, BUT WOULD YOU BE OPEN TO THE
IDEA OF CAMERAS IN THE COURT?
>> AT THE MOMENT, I DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT, AND THE TRUTH
OF THE MATTER-- >> I'M ASKING YOU TO THINK ABOUT
IT.
>> WE DON'T KNOW.
>> I'M ASKING YOU TO THINK ABOUT IT.
YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT.
IT'S MY SHOW.
>> OKAY.
>> COURT IS IN SESSION, ALL RISE, MR. JUSTICE!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW?
>> BECAUSE IMMEDIATELY THERE WOULD HAVE TO BE MAJORITY IN
FAVOR UPON IT.
AND THE PROBLEM IS THIS: ON THE ONE HAND, PEOPLE WOULD SEE IT'S
A VERY SERIOUS, VERY SERIOUS INSTITUTION.
DIFFICULT QUESTIONS, PEOPLE ARE GRAPPLING WITH THESE QUESTIONS.
THAT WOULD BE A MAJOR PLUS FOR THE UNITED STATES, I THINK, IF
WE COULD BE SEEN.
ON THE OTHER HAND, WE DON'T KNOW THE EXTENT TO WHICH PEOPLE WOULD
BECOME TOO SELF-CENTERED, THE LAWYERS OR THE JUDGES, AND BE
TOO WORRIED ABOUT HOW THEY LOOK ON TELEVISION.
>> WHAT IF I GOT YOU A STYLIST?
WHAT IF I GOT ALL OF YOU, YOU KNOW, A LITTLE WORK, A LITTLE
FRESHEN UP LIKE THAT, AND A REALLY NICE ROBE OR SOMETHING
LIKE THAT.
IS THAT THE WORRY?
>> THAT'S EXACTLY PART OF WHAT WE'RE WORRIED ABOUT.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT GUYS LIKE ME MAKING FUN OF THE
FOOTAGE THAT WE SEE ON A DAILY BASIS?
>> WELL, YOU WOULDN'T.
>> NO, OBVIOUSLY NOT, NO >> I WOULD NEVER MAKE A JOKE
ABOUT-- ON A MILDLY SERIOUS TACK HERE, WHAT ABOUT IN FEDERAL
COURT?
BECAUSE WE HAVE THESE ATTACKS, THE ATTACK ON THE CAPITOL ON
JANUARY 6.
WOULDN'T IT BE GOOD TO BE ABLE TO SEE THESE SERIOUS CHARGES OF
VIOLENCE, SEDITION, REBELLION, THAT ARE BEING CHARGED AGAINST
THESE PEOPLE IN FEDERAL COURT SO WE CAN SEE THE JUSTICE BEING
DONE FOR THE PEOPLE WHO CREATED THIS MOST HORRIBLE DAY?
>> THERE ARE SOME THAT HAVE THEM.
WHAT WE REALLY DON'T KNOW-- AND IT'S UNKNOWN IN OUR COURT,
ACTUALLY-- IS THE EXTENT TO WHICH-- WELL, LET ME PUT IT THIS
WAY.
WHEN I WRITE AN OPINION, OR MY COLLEAGUES DO, IT ISN'T FOR THE
PEOPLE INDEPENDENT COURTROOM ENTIRELY.
IT'S FOR 330 MILLION PEOPLE WHO WEREN'T THERE.
AND HUMAN BEINGS, AS YOU WELL KNOW, LIKE TO FOCUS ON SOMEBODY
THEY SEE.
AND THERE'S THE GOOD ONE, AND THERE'S THE BAD ONE.
WE DON'T KNOW THE EXTENT THAT WOULD GET ACROSS IT ISN'T FOR
THESE TWO PEOPLE SO MUCH AS IT IS FOR THE 330 MILLION WHO
AREN'T THERE.
SO THERE ARE WORRIES.
THERE ARE WORRIES.
>> BIG NEWS IS THE COURT'S REFUSAL TO BLOCK THE TEXAS
ABORTION BAN LAW, EVEN BEFORE THEY RULED ON THE
CONSTITUTIONALITY OF IT.
NOT TO PUT SOME SORT OF HOLD ON THE LAW.
YOU SAID ON NPR, THAT DECISION BY THE COURT WAS VERY, VERY,
VERY WRONG.
WHY ONLY THREE VERIES?
( APPLAUSE ) WHY ONLY THREE?
WHY SUCH CONSTRAINT?
>> YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH?
>> YES?
>> YOU MISSED ONE.
>> YOU DID FOUR VARIES?
OKAY, I'LL TALK TO OUR RESEARCH DEPARTMENT.
>> ONE WAS SORT OF QUIET PUTTING ASIDE OF THE TACIT
ENDORMS OF OVERTURNING "ROE" HAVE YOU SEEN CITIZENS BEING
DEPUTIZED AS THE PEOPLE TO ENFORCE IT, WHICH IS HAPPENING
IN TEXAS.
>> TEXAS YOU KNOW USED TO HAVE POSSES.
AND IF YOU HAVE SEEN WESTERN MOVIES, AS YOU HAVE, YOU WILL
KNOW ANY 10 PEOPLE CAN GET TOGETHER, AND THEY CAN IN
CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES BE A POSSE THAT GOES OUT AND CAPTURES THE
OUTLAWS.
WELL, YOU SCHEDULED ME FOR AN EXAMPLE.
>> IS THAT THE SAME EXAMPLE, MR. JUSTICE.
BECAUSE THOSE PEOPLE ARE BEING DEPUTIZED TO BE PART OF THE
GOVERNMENT, ESSENTIALLY, TO BE GOVERNMENT AGENTS.
WHEREAS THESE PEOPLE ARE STAYING CITIZENS, WHICH IS NOW THE TEXAS
LAWMAKERS ARE TRYING TO DO AN END RUN AROUND JUDICIAL REVIEW.
ISN'T THAT A DIFFERENT SITUATION?
>> YES.
( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERING )
>> EXCUSE ME.
CHECKMATE!
SO I'M SORRY.
I INTERRUPTED YOU CONGRATULATING ME FOR BEING RIGHT.
GO AHEAD.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
( LAUGHTER ) SO THERE IS NO OTHER EXAMPLE YOU
CAN THINK OF, OTHER THAN THE POSSE, WHICH ISN'T THE ACTUAL
EXAMPLE?
>> WELL-- >> BUT THAT IS ONE OF THE MOST
SHOCKING THINGS ABOUT IT TO ME, BECAUSE IT IS SO FLAGRANTLY AN
ATTEMPT TO DO AN END RUN AROUND JUDICIAL REVIEW.
>> THE TRUTH IS IN THAT MATTER, WHAT THEY HAD BEFORE US, IT WAS
A PROCEDURAL QUESTION.
WE DIDN'T GET TO THE MERITS OF THE LAW.
AND ONE OF MY OBJECTIONS, WHICH WAS PRETTY STRONG-- IT COUNTS
FOR ONE OF THE "VERRIES--" IS WHEN WE HAVE AN IMPORTANT CASE
LIKE, THAT EVEN IF IT IS PROCEDURAL, WE SHOULD HAVE A
FULL PROCEEDING AND NOT DECIDE IT JUST ON THE BASIS OF AN
EMERGENCY MOTION, WHICH THAT WAS.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> YOU ALSO-- YOU ALSO-- YOU AND SOTOMAYOR SAID I DISSENT
ININSTEAD OF THE TRADITIONAL I RESPECTFULLY DISSENT.
IS THAT A SUPREME COURT MIC DROP?
WHAT IS THAT?
IS THAT LIKE A DIS?
>> IT COULD BE.
IT NEEDN'T BE.
IT COULD BE THAT I JUST FORGET TO PUT IN--
( APPLAUSE ).
>> COULD BE, COULD BE.
WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, WE'LL BE BACK WO WITH MORE JUSTICE STEPHE
BREYER.
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE BACK!
♪ ♪ ♪ WITH THE AUTHOR OF THE "THE
AUTHORITY OF THE COURT AND THE PERIL OF POLITICS," JUSTICE
STEPHEN BREYER.
YOUR NEW BOOK OUTLINES THE DANGERS OF THE JUSTICES BEING
PERCEIVED AS POLITICAL FIGURES AS OPPOSED TO JUDGES.
YOU'VE SERVED FOR 27 YEARS.
WHY DO YOU THINK THIS IS A SUBJECT THAT NEEDS TO BE
ADDRESSED NOW?
>> BECAUSE I THINK THAT PEOPLE, PARTICULARLY YOUNGER PEOPLE AND
THE FUTURE OF THIS COUNTRY IS IN THEIR HANDS, I'M AFRAID, NOT
MINE.
IT'S UP TO THE HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS, THE COLLEGE STUDENTS.
AND I THINK THAT THEY LOOK AT MANY OF OUR INSTITUTIONS AND
THEY FEEL A LACK OF CONFIDENCE.
I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.
THERE ARE REASONS.
BUT IF THERE'S TOO MUCH DISTRUST OF THE INSTITUTIONS, PEOPLE
CAN'T LIVE TOGETHER IN SOCIETY.
SO THEY HAVE TO WORK OUT WAYS, WAYS WHERE THEY CAN IMPROVE THE
INSTITUTION, WAYS WHERE THEY CAN TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE, WAYS WHERE
THEY CAN MAKE THEIR ARGUMENT IN A CIVIL MANNER AND GRADUALLY
BRING THIS COUNTRY TOGETHER.
AND I HAVE A LITTLE-- A LITTLE SORT OF WINDOW ON SOME OF THAT.
>> Stephen: TINY LITTLE BOOK.
>> IT IS A TINY BOOK.
>> Stephen: TINY LITTLE BOOK.
>> IT'S NOT AS TINY AS THE CONSTITUTION.
>> Stephen: NO, NO, BUT JUST AS GOOD, JUST AS GOOD.
( APPLAUSE ) DO YOU HAVE-- I'M CURIOUS, YOU
SAY THAT PEOPLE NEED TO WORK TO IMPROVE THE INSTITUTIONS, THE
SUPREME COURT BEING ONE OF THE INSTITUTIONS.
WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE TO IMPROVE IT?
>> IN THE COURT?
>> Stephen: YOUR COURT, THE SUPREME COURT.
>> OF COURSE I'M TEMPT TOLD SAY, WHICH IS A FRIVOLOUS REMARK, BUT
I'M TEMPTED TO SAY PEOPLE COULD AGREE WITH ME ALL THE TIME, BUT
THAT IS A FRIVOLOUS REMARK.
AND THE ANSWER IS, GRADUALLY, OVER TIME, OVER QUITE A LONG
TIME, I'VE COME TO REALIZE-- AND IT'S SORT OF I SHOULD HAVE
REALIZED IT FROM DAY ONE, BUT, I MEAN, YOU INTERNAL IT-- THIS IS
A BIG COUNTRY.
THERE ARE 331 MILLION PEOPLE.
THERE'S EVERY RACE, EVERY RELIGION, EVERY POINT OF VIEW.
AND SOMEHOW, THROUGH A MIRACLE, THEY'VE COME TOGETHER AND
LEARNED HOW TO LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE COUNTRY, AND WE SEE ALL
THOSE PEOPLE IN FRONT OF US WORKING OUT THEIR MAJOR
DIFFERENCES UNDER LAW AND NOT WITH GUNS OR OTHER THINGS THAT
ARE REALLY INAPPROPRIATE AND DANGEROUS.
>> Stephen: BUT-- ( APPLAUSE )
I GUESS WHAT I THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WERE SAYING THAT IS, I THINK
THOSE 330 MILLION PEOPLE, MANY OF THEM WOULD SAY THEY DO NOT
SEE THE COURT AS BEING REPRESENTATIVE, BECAUSE MANY OF
THE PEOPLE ON THE COURT, MOSTLY THOSE WHO LEAN MORE TOWARD TO
THE RIGHT WING OF THE COURT-- IF THERE IS SUCH A WING IN YOUR
MIND-- WERE APPOINTED BY PRESIDENTS WHO DID NOT HAVE A
MAJORITY OF THE VOTE WHEN THEY WERE ELECTED, BY A SENATE,
REPUBLICAN SENATE CONFIRMED, THAT REPRESENTS 41 MILLION FEWER
AMERICANS THAN THE DEMOCRATS IN THE SENATE.
AND WHILE YOU YOURSELF MAY NOT BE POLITICAL-- AND I ACCEPT
THAT-- THE COURT ITSELF IS CREATED THROUGH A POLITICAL
SYSTEM THAT NO LONGER REPRESENTS WILL THE MAJORITY OF THE
AMERICAN PEOPLE.
( APPLAUSE ) >> I TWO-- ONE IS A NOT-DIRECT
RESPONSE.
I MEAN, IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE THE FOUNDERS WROTE THIS
DOCUMENT, THE CONSTITUTION.
AND A LETTER FROM GEORGE WASHINGTON SAYS IT'S AN
EXPERIMENT.
IF YOU READ THE GETTYSBURG ADDRESS-- AND MY WIFE PAID OF MY
GRANDCHILDREN $20 TO MEMORIZE IT, AND THEY DID.
AND YOU'LL SEE WHAT LINCOLN, I THINK, IS REALLY SAYING IS THIS
IS AN EXPERIMENT.
WELL, YOU PUT YOUR HAND ON-- YOUR FINGERS ON SOME FLAWS.
AND YOU CAN SAY THEY'RE MAJOR OR MINOR.
YOU HAVE A YOUNG AUDIENCE HERE, AND SO I'M VERY SORRY TO DO
THIS, BUT I SAY THE THING TO DO IS FOR THEM TO WORK OUT HOW YOU
CAN MAKE THIS IMPROVEMENT OR THAT IMPROVEMENT OR THE OTHER
IMPROVEMENT, AND WE HAVE A FIRST AMENDMENT THAT ALLOWS FOR FREE
SPEECH-- INDEED, INSISTS ON IT.
WE HAVE A DEMOCRATIC SYSTEM OF GOVERNMENT, AND IF I'VE LEARNED
ANYTHING, IF I'VE LEARNED ANYTHING IN THE LAST 27, 28
YEARS, IT'S THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO DISAGREE WITH ME.
AND THE WAY TO DEAL WITH THEM, IN MY OPINION, LISTEN TO WHAT
THEY SAY.
AND IF THEY TALK ENOUGH, YOU WILL FIND SOME AREAS WHERE YOU
AGREE.
AND THEN YOU WORK WITH THOSE, AND YOU WORK WITH THOSE FOR A
POSITIVE OUTCOME.
I MEAN, IN CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS, WHEN GOING
THROUGH COVID, PEOPLE FORMED NEIGHBORHOOD COMMITTEES, AND
THEY WENT TO SEE OLD PEOPLE, SEE IF THEY HAVE ENOUGH FOOD.
THAT DIDN'T JUST HAPPEN IN CAMBRIDGE.
IT HAPPENED IN NEW YORK.
IT HAPPENED IN ST. LOUIS.
IT HAPPENED IN SAN DIEGO.
WE'RE NOT TOO BAD IN THIS COUNTRY.
WHEN WE DISAGREE-- OH, SOMETIMES IT CAN BE TERRIBLE-- BUT IF WE
WORK AT IT, WE CAN FIGURE OUT WAYS OF WORKING TOGETHER,
LISTENING, WORKING TOGETHER, TRYING TO FIND WAYS OF BUILDING
THINGS THAT ARE POSITIVE.
WE HAVE A LONG HISTORY OF THAT HAPPENING.
WE HAVE SOME BAD DOWNS, BUT WE ALSO HAVE SOME PRETTY GOOD UPS.
WHY DO I SAY THAT?
BECAUSE YOU HAVE A YOUNG AUDIENCE.
BECAUSE I SAY TO MY GRANDCHILDREN, "HEY, IT'S UP TO
YOU, MY FRIEND.
YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE THIS EXPERIMENT FROM WASHINGTON, FROM
LINCOLN, FROM OUR PAST, OF UPS AND DOWNS, AND YOU'VE KNOT TO
SEE THAT IT'S GOING TO TURN OUT POSITIVE."
AND I WANT PEOPLE TO REALLY-- I REALLY WANT THEM TO BETTER
UNDERSTAND THE COURT AS PART OF THAT-- FILLED WITH FLAWS.
THERE WAS "PLEASE VERSUS FERGUSON," THERE WAS
SEGREGATION, BUT THERE WAS ALSO "BROWN VERSUS BOARD OF
SEGREGATION" WHICH SAID THERE WILL BE NO MORE LEGAL
SEGREGATION.
THE TASKS ARE DIFFICULT, THE TASKS ARE DIFFICULT, PUT WE DO
HAVE INSTITUTIONS, IN MY OPINION, AND WE HAVE A
CONSTITUTION THAT CAN HELP US DEAL WITH THEM AND LIVE TOGETHER
DEMOCRATICALLY FOR ANOTHER 250 YEARS.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE
ANOTHER BREAK, BUT DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
WHEN WE COME BACK WE'LL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IS A HOT DOG A
SANDWICH WITH JUSTICE STEPHEN BREYER.
( APPLAUSE ) >> AND NOW, A MOLE GETS WHACKED
EVERY TIME ANOTHER CRACK APPEARS IN DEMOCRACY.
>> YOU'LL NEVER WHACK ME.
>> I DO NOT BELIEVE WHATSOEVER WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
>> DO YOU TAKE ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR THIS
DISASTROUS WITHDRAWAL?
>> I BELIEVE YOU, CIRC SHOULD RESIGN.
THAT WOULD BE LEADERSHIP.
I ABSOLUTELY WONDER IF YOU WERE COMPLICEIT IN THIS AS WELL.
>> HOW LONG DOES THIS GO ON FOR?
OKAY.
>> LET ME FINISH, PLEASE.
>> USUALLY THE MALLET IS PADDED.
OKAY, I GOT MY SKULL CRACKED.
IS THAT HOW YOU GET OFF FEELING GOOD, DIXIE CUPS TO CATCH THE
BRAINS COMING OUT OF MY EARS?
I'M NOT WAKING UP FROM THIS.
ALL I ASK IS YOU CHUCK ME INTO THE WOODS.
OFF TO HEAVEN.
DAMN IT!
WE'RE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF "THE AUTHORITY OF THE COURT AND
THE PERIL OF POLITICS," JUSTICE STEPHEN BREYER.
THE LAST QUESTION IS, ARE YOU GOING TO RETIRE?
>> AM I GOING TO RETIRE?
>> Stephen: EVENTUALLY YOU SAID THERE ARE SO MANY FACTORS
INVOLVED IN IT, AND I TRUST THAT THERE ARE.
HOW DOES IT FEEL-- GEORGE R.R.
MARTIN GETS MAD WHEN PEOPLE ASK HIM TO WRITE "THE WINDS OF
WINTER," ESSENTIALLY WHEN PEOPLE SAY WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO
RETIRE, THEY'RE AFRAID YOU'LL DIE WHEN A REPUBLICAN IS OFFICE
AND THEY WON'T REPLACE SOMEONE MORE IN KEEPING WITH YOUR
JUDICIAL PHILOSOPHY.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE SPECULATION?
>> I, MYSELF, WOULD PREFER NOT TO DIE PERIOD.
>> Stephen: IF YOU COULD RULE ON IT.
>> RIGHT, RIGHT.
( APPLAUSE ) AND GEORGE R. MARTIN, DID HE
WRITE "GAME OF THRONES."
>> Stephen: HE HASN'T FINISHED IT YET.
THAT'S WHY THEY'RE EAGER FOR HIM TO NOT RETIRE FROM THE SCENE.
>> I HAVE THOUGHT WHEN SEEING THAT, IF ONLY I COULD WRITE "THE
GAME OF THRONES."
BUT I CAN'T DO IT.
>> Stephen: BUT IF YOU COULD YOU WOULD RETIRE?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO WOULD FIND
YOU A GHOST WRITER.
WHAT WOULD DO YOU IF YOU DID RETIRE?
IF YOU COULD RETIRE, OR IF THIS WAS THE RIGHT TIME, WHAT WOULD
YOUR PLANS BE?
>> I'M NOT SURE.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S FUN FOR YOU?
>> I'M NOT SURE.
>> Stephen: HIKING, WOODWORKING.
>> COOKING.
>> Stephen: COOKING?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
YOU'RE GOING TO GET A LOT OF REALLY NICE POTS AND PANS AFTER
THIS INTERVIEW.
( APPLAUSE ) AND IF I RETIRE, YOU CAN ACCEPT
THEM.
I HAVE-- I HAVE TO ASK YOU THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION I HAVE
EVER ASKED ANY SUPREME COURT JUSTICE, AND I HAVE ASKED
SEVERAL ( APPLAUSE ).
I HAVE ASKED SEVERAL SUPREME COURT JUSTICES THIS QUESTION:
JUSTICE STEPHEN BREYER, IN YOUR CONSIDERED OPINION, IS A HOT DOG
A SANDWICH?
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, WHEN I GREW UP-- I WON'T SAY WHEN-- BUT A
HOT DOG, AMONG OTHER THINGS, WAS A TEENAGER WHO WAS WHAT WE
CALLED "WITH IT."
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: SO SOMEONE WHO WAS
A HOT DO WAS WITH A WITH IT TEENAGER?
>> IT COULD BE.
SO THE TRUTHFUL ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION IS SOMETIMES YES, AND
SOMETIMES NO.
( APPLAUSE ) THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE JESSICA CHASTAIN
AND STEPHEN SONDHEIM.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.
>> WOULD YOU THROW AWAY 200 BUCKS ON A FAKE VACCINATION
CARD?
THE REAL VACCINE IS TOTALLY FREE AND IT GIVES YOU GIANT BALLS.
NOTHING LADIES LIKE MORE THAN A BIG SACK.
OH, THEY LOVE IT.
( LAUGHTER ) 100%.
>> Jon: WOW.
>> Stephen: ALL THE TIME.
OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH, JON.
I'LL SEND YOU SOME LINKS.