1 00:00:01,201 --> 00:00:03,803 >> NORTH KOREA CELEBRATED THE 73rd ANNIVERSARY OF ITS 2 00:00:03,870 --> 00:00:05,038 FOUNDING. 3 00:00:05,105 --> 00:00:07,440 SUPREME LEADER KIM JONG UN EVEN SHOWED UP, AND HE LOOKED MUCH 4 00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:09,142 THINNER THAN AT THE START OF THE YEAR. 5 00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:09,743 >> KIM JONG UN LOOKING SVELTE. 6 00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:10,477 , IS HE SICK? 7 00:00:10,543 --> 00:00:13,012 IS THIS A DIET? 8 00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:14,447 >> HE'S FIT, HE'S FUN AND HE'S FASCIST! 9 00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:15,382 TAKE A LOOK AT KIM JONG UN. 10 00:00:15,448 --> 00:00:25,425 ♪♪ ♪♪ 11 00:00:25,492 --> 00:00:31,531 ♪♪ ♪♪ 12 00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:09,335 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! 13 00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:10,470 TONIGHT, BACK TO SCHOOL. 14 00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:20,313 PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES JEFF DANIELS AND NATE BURLESON, 15 00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:23,883 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN." 16 00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:31,758 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 17 00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:36,629 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 18 00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:44,537 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 19 00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:54,581 >> Stephen: HEY! 20 00:01:54,647 --> 00:02:00,787 >> Stephen: HEY! 21 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:12,365 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 22 00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:13,867 THANK YOU, EVERYBODY! 23 00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:15,134 WELCOME. 24 00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:17,504 WELCOME ONE AND ALL, DOWN HERE, UP THERE, ALL AROUND THE WORLD, 25 00:02:17,570 --> 00:02:23,776 WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 26 00:02:23,843 --> 00:02:25,845 I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. 27 00:02:25,912 --> 00:02:29,849 IT'S AN EXCITING DAY HERE IN NEW YORK CITY -- 28 00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:30,984 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) 29 00:02:31,050 --> 00:02:34,687 -- BECAUSE IT WAS THE FIRST DAY OF ALL IN-PERSON SCHOOL! 30 00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:38,258 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 18 MONTHS, 31 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,193 KIDS CAN ENJOY CLASS WITHOUT SEEING THEIR FRIENDS' DADS 32 00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:45,732 WANDERING BEHIND THEM IN BOXERS. 33 00:02:45,798 --> 00:02:46,900 IF THEY'RE LUCKY. 34 00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:48,167 OF COURSE, THERE ARE ALWAYS SOME HICCUPS ON THE FIRST DAY. 35 00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:52,138 THE ONLINE HEALTH SCREENINGS THAT FAMILIES ARE REQUIRED TO 36 00:02:52,205 --> 00:02:56,075 FILL OUT EACH MORNING HAD CRASHED BY ABOUT 8:00 A.M., SO 37 00:02:56,142 --> 00:02:57,310 SOME EDUCATORS WERE FORCED TO COMPLETE THEIR OWN SCREENINGS OF 38 00:02:57,377 --> 00:03:00,179 HOW EACH CHILD WAS FEELING THAT MORNING. 39 00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:04,450 "SO, I'VE READ YOUR HEALTH FORMS, AND I SEE MANY OF YOU ARE 40 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:08,187 SUFFERING FROM BUTT FEVER BUTT-ACHE, AND SHORTNESS OF 41 00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:10,924 BUTT. 42 00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:15,061 OKAY, PUT A MASK OVER YOUR BUTT AND COME ON IN." 43 00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:17,130 OF COURSE, KIDS AREN'T THE ONLY ONES VULNERABLE TO COVID. 44 00:03:17,196 --> 00:03:20,567 WHICH IS WHY LAST WEEK PRESIDENT BIDEN ISSUED A PLAN 45 00:03:20,633 --> 00:03:24,170 TO REQUIRE ALL PRIVATE-SECTOR BUSINESSES WITH MORE THAN 100 46 00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:28,174 EMPLOYEES TO MANDATE VACCINES OR WEEKLY TESTING. 47 00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:30,877 THAT'S GREAT. 48 00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:32,011 OKAY? 49 00:03:32,078 --> 00:03:34,948 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU WANT THAT SENSE OF SECURITY. 50 00:03:35,014 --> 00:03:36,182 >> Jon: YEAH. 51 00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:39,052 YOU'VE GOT TO FEEL SAFE, GOT TO BE SAFE. 52 00:03:39,118 --> 00:03:42,855 >> Stephen: WHEN YOU GO INTO A STARBUCKS, 53 00:03:42,922 --> 00:03:44,190 YOU SHOULD FEEL SAFE. 54 00:03:44,257 --> 00:03:46,125 UNTIL YOU SEE THE BATHROOM. 55 00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:48,194 ( LAUGHTER ) ARE THOSE... TEETH? 56 00:03:48,261 --> 00:03:54,000 OF COURSE, THESE SAFETY MEASURES ENRAGED THE LUNATIC FRINGE OF 57 00:03:54,067 --> 00:04:00,840 ANTI-VAXXERS, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS REPUBLICAN GOVERNORS. 58 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:03,576 MISSISSIPPI GOVERNOR AT A TIME REEVES DECLARED THIS IS AMERICA 59 00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:06,846 AND WE STILL BELIEVE IN FREEDOM FROM TYRANTS. 60 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:19,926 YES, RECEIVING MEDICAL TREATMENT PART OF A PROUD AMERICAN 61 00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:21,027 TRADITION. 62 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:21,961 WHO COULD FORGET THE IMMORTAL WORDS OF PATRICK HENRY? 63 00:04:22,028 --> 00:04:23,096 "GIVE ME RUBELLA AND GIVE ME DEATH. 64 00:04:23,162 --> 00:04:27,033 BECAUSE I WANT TO DIE FROM RUBELLA." 65 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,301 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SOME GOVERNORS HAVE EVEN 66 00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:29,469 THREATENED TO SUE THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION OVER VACCINES, 67 00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:30,870 AND ON FRIDAY, THE PRESIDENT RESPONDED. 68 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:33,873 >> WHAT DO YOU SAY TO REPUBLICANS WHO ARE CALLING YOUR 69 00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,575 VACCINE REQUIREMENTS AN OVERREACH, WHO ARE 70 00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:37,910 THREATENING TO CHALLENGE IT IN COURT? 71 00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:40,079 >> HAVE AT IT. 72 00:04:40,146 --> 00:04:44,117 >> STEPHEN: (AS BIDEN) "COME AT ME, BROSEPH! 73 00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:44,884 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) COME ON! 74 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:47,186 COME ON, STEP UP! 75 00:04:47,253 --> 00:04:48,154 YOU WANT A LITTLE PIECE? 76 00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:49,155 YOU WANT A TASTE? 77 00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:50,223 YOU WANT A TASTE? 78 00:04:50,289 --> 00:04:53,026 YOU WANT A SCOOP OF THIS? 79 00:04:53,092 --> 00:04:54,661 I WENT TO THE SCRANTON SCHOOL OF BUS STOP TUSSLIN'! 80 00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:56,696 ONCE GAVE A MAN A LITTLE ELBOW MUSIC FOR LOOKIN' CROSS-EYED 81 00:04:56,763 --> 00:04:57,797 AT MY BUSTER BROWNS! 82 00:04:57,864 --> 00:04:59,799 YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THE MANDATE, YOU CAN STOP BY AND 83 00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:04,671 MEET MY PALS, EMPATHY AND PUBLIC SERVICE! 84 00:05:04,737 --> 00:05:08,741 C'MON, JACKSON!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 85 00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:11,611 COME ON, COME ON MAN, COME ON. 86 00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:13,246 IT'S NOT JUST SCHOOL COMING BACK FROM COVID, BECAUSE AMERICA'S 87 00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:17,917 ALSO SEEING THE SWEATY, STICKY, TRIUMPHANT RETURN OF SEX 88 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:21,921 PARTIES. 89 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:24,691 REALLY? 90 00:05:24,757 --> 00:05:25,925 I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE: I JUST DON'T BUY THAT SEX PARTIES ARE A 91 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:29,929 THING. 92 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:33,466 I'M IN SHOW BUSINESS, SUPPOSEDLY THE HEIGHT OF DECADENCE, AND 93 00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:36,869 I'VE NEVER ONCE BEEN ASKED TO A SEX PARTY. 94 00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:41,908 NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I SAY THEY DON'T EXIST. 95 00:05:41,974 --> 00:05:45,912 I'VE NEVER BEEN UNINVITED OR NOT INVITED TO A SEX PARTY, 96 00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:47,547 EITHER. 97 00:05:47,613 --> 00:05:52,585 NO ONE EVER SAID, HEY, STEVE, MISSED YOU AT THE 98 00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:53,853 SEX PARTY LAST NIGHT. 99 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:54,554 TOO BAD, YOU SEEM LIKE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO'D BE REALLY GREAT 100 00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:55,154 TO HAVE AT A REAL SEX-PARTY. 101 00:05:55,221 --> 00:05:58,458 A REAL SEX-ASSET." 102 00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:00,193 WHERE'S MY INVITATION? 103 00:06:00,259 --> 00:06:04,497 IN MY JUNK EMAIL FOLDER? 104 00:06:04,564 --> 00:06:09,569 BY WHICH I MEAN THE EMAIL FONDER ( PIANO RIFF ) 105 00:06:09,635 --> 00:06:10,870 ( LAUGHTER ) FORGET IT! 106 00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:12,205 FORGET IT! 107 00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:12,872 I'M MAD! 108 00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:14,807 I'M ANGRY! 109 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,275 ( LAUGHTER ) BY WHICH I MEAN, THE FOLDER 110 00:06:16,342 --> 00:06:17,643 WHERE I KEEP MY JUNK'S EMAIL. 111 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:18,177 IT'S LILSTEVE@COLBERT.ORG. 112 00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:23,983 THAT'S RIGHT. 113 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:32,258 MY PENIS IS A NONPROFIT. 114 00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:34,427 ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 115 00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:36,863 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? 116 00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:39,365 EVIE'S NOT GOING TO LIKE THAT JOKE. 117 00:06:39,432 --> 00:06:41,167 WHEN COVID FIRST HIT, SOME PEOPLE MOVED THEIR SEX PARTIES 118 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,368 TO ZOOM, BUT THAT COULD BE AWKWARD. 119 00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:44,771 ONE WOMAN TOLD RESEARCHERS "I WAS WITH MY PARENTS SO IT WAS 120 00:06:44,837 --> 00:06:49,075 HARD TO HIDE IN THE ROOM AND HOST A ZOOM SEX PARTY." 121 00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:50,743 "HON? 122 00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:53,079 YOUR MOM AND I WERE GONNA ORDER P.F. CHANGS, DO YOU WANT LETTUCE 123 00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:54,180 WRAPS? 124 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:57,083 ORDER THE LETTUCE WRAPS, SHE KEEPS SCREAMING YES, YES. 125 00:06:57,150 --> 00:07:05,691 WAIT, GET OUT THE MENU, SHE SAYS SHE'S COMING." 126 00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:07,126 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) WHAT? 127 00:07:07,193 --> 00:07:07,627 WHAT? 128 00:07:07,693 --> 00:07:08,261 I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 129 00:07:08,327 --> 00:07:10,496 I DON'T -- OKAY. 130 00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:12,865 ( LAUGHTER ) WE'RE ALL ADULTS. 131 00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:17,103 ONE OF US JUST TURNED 18, IN FACT. 132 00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:22,408 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) 133 00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:26,546 YOUNG MAN IN THE FRONT ROW ASKED ME IF I COULD TALK TO MY 134 00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:30,049 18-YEAR-OLD SELF, WHAT ADVICE WOULD I GIVE MY 18-YEAR-OLD 135 00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:34,687 SELF, AND THAT ADVICE WOULD BE THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SEX 136 00:07:34,754 --> 00:07:35,621 PARTIES. 137 00:07:35,688 --> 00:07:39,058 ( LAUGHTER ) THEY DON'T -- HAVE YOU EVER BEEN 138 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:39,592 INVITED? 139 00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:41,093 ( APPLAUSE ) HOLD ON. 140 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,061 HOLD ON. 141 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:46,566 ( LAUGHTER ) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN INVITED TO A 142 00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:49,836 SEX PARTY? 143 00:07:49,902 --> 00:07:57,076 >> I'M WITH MY MOM AND -- ( LAUGHTER ) 144 00:07:57,143 --> 00:08:07,119 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I APOLOGIZE. 145 00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:13,326 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I APOLOGIZE. 146 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,167 I APOLOGIZE. 147 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:25,805 I SHOULD NOT HAVE ASKED YOU THAT QUESTION. 148 00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:28,975 MOM, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN INVITED TO A SEX PARTY? 149 00:08:29,041 --> 00:08:37,917 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 150 00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:42,054 WHERE WERE WE? 151 00:08:42,121 --> 00:08:44,357 RESEARCHERS ALSO FOUND THAT DURING THE LOCKDOWN, ONE IN FIVE 152 00:08:44,423 --> 00:08:48,060 PARTICIPANTS CLAIMED TO BE EXPERIMENTING MORE. 153 00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:50,730 PEOPLE GOT SO EXPERIMENTAL THAT A WHOPPING 2% OF AMERICANS 154 00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:53,633 CLAIMED TO HAVE HAD THEIR FIRST THREESOME DURING THE PANDEMIC. 155 00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:57,069 AND YOU KNOW THAT IF PEOPLE CLAIM THEY HAD A THREESOME, IT'S 156 00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:59,171 DEFINITELY TRUE. 157 00:08:59,238 --> 00:09:00,806 "WHAT HAVE I BEEN UP TO IN QUARANTINE? 158 00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:02,541 OH, I DEFINITELY HAD A THREESOME. 159 00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:03,643 WHILE I RAN A MARATHON. 160 00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:08,014 WHILE WRITING MY SCREENPLAY IN ITALIAN THAT I LEARNED. 161 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:17,089 GOT TO GO, BEYONCE'S INVITING ME TO A SEX PARTY!" 162 00:09:17,156 --> 00:09:23,529 ( APPLAUSE ) SPEAKING OF A CRAZY ASS PILES, 163 00:09:23,596 --> 00:09:25,097 TOMORROW CALIFORNIA IS DECIDING WHETHER TO RECALL DEMOCRATIC 164 00:09:25,164 --> 00:09:30,036 GOVERNOR AND WESTWORLD'S TOP USED CAR SALESMAN, GAVIN NEWSOM. 165 00:09:30,102 --> 00:09:36,042 46 CANDIDATES ARE RUNNING AGAINST THE CURRENT GOVERNOR, 166 00:09:36,108 --> 00:09:41,080 INCLUDING BUSINESSMAN AND CANDIDATE WIDER THAN HIS 167 00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:45,084 BACKGROUND JOHN COX. 168 00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:46,552 COX HAS BEEN TRYING TO MAKE HIMSELF OUT TO BE A TOUGH GUY, 169 00:09:46,619 --> 00:09:47,820 BASED ON WHO HE'S CAMPAIGNING WITH. 170 00:09:47,887 --> 00:09:49,055 >> THE BLITZ BEGAN IN THE STATE'S CAPITOL, WITH A 171 00:09:49,121 --> 00:09:51,857 1,000-POUND BURLY BROWN BEAR BY HIS SIDE. 172 00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:53,392 >> STEPHEN: ALL THAT TELLS ME IS THAT JOHN COX IS SO BLAND, EVEN 173 00:09:53,459 --> 00:09:57,063 A BEAR WON'T EAT HIM. 174 00:09:57,129 --> 00:10:08,140 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 175 00:10:08,207 --> 00:10:18,050 BY SHOW OF APPLAUSE, HAS ANYONE BEEN INVITED TO A SEX PARTY?) 176 00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:20,152 MAN SPEAKS UP ). 177 00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:24,056 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE BEEN INVITED TO A SEX PARTY. 178 00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:28,194 DID YOU RSVP? 179 00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:35,434 DID YOU GO? 180 00:10:35,501 --> 00:10:36,268 >> WOMAN: YEAH. 181 00:10:36,335 --> 00:10:39,438 >> Stephen: CAN YOU GET ME ON A LIST? 182 00:10:39,505 --> 00:10:41,073 ( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T BELIEVE YOU FOR A 183 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,876 SECOND. 184 00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:45,177 ANOTHER GOV WANNABE IS BILLBOARD MODEL ANGELYNE, WHO RELEASED 185 00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:47,880 THIS COMPELLING VIDEO. 186 00:10:47,947 --> 00:10:49,115 >> I'M RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA, IT'S JUST ME AND THE 187 00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:53,052 DOG. 188 00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:53,753 WILL YOU PLEASE VOTE FOR US? 189 00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:57,089 WE PROMISE WE'LL BE REALLY GOOD. 190 00:10:57,156 --> 00:11:06,132 THE DOG ONLY EATS A LITTLE BIT, AND I EAT... PIZZA. 191 00:11:06,198 --> 00:11:09,101 ( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: I'LL VOTE FOR YOU, 192 00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:12,038 JUST LET THE DOG GO. 193 00:11:12,104 --> 00:11:16,976 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 194 00:11:17,043 --> 00:11:17,710 SEX PARTY. 195 00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:23,883 DEFINITELY SEX PARTY. 196 00:11:23,949 --> 00:11:27,353 THERE'S ALSO PATRICK KILPATRICK, AN ACTOR, SCREENWRITER, AND 197 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:28,521 PRODUCER. 198 00:11:28,587 --> 00:11:30,689 YOU MIGHT RECOGNIZE HIM FROM SUCH FILMS AS "UNDER SIEGE 2," 199 00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:36,695 "FREE WILLY 3," "ANGEL 4," OR THE TV SHOW "BABYLON 5." 200 00:11:36,762 --> 00:11:38,731 ( LAUGHTER ) AND IF YOU ADD ALL THOSE NUMBERS 201 00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:45,638 UP, IT IS MORE THAN THE VOTES PATRICK KILPATRICK WILL GET. 202 00:11:45,704 --> 00:11:46,906 ( APPLAUSE ) BUT IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE 203 00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:48,374 NONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WILL BE THE NEXT GOVERNOR, BECAUSE ACCORDING 204 00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:49,708 TO THE LATEST POLLS OVER 60% OF LIKELY VOTERS OPPOSE RECALLING 205 00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:53,712 NEWSOM. 206 00:11:53,779 --> 00:12:00,686 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE OTHER 40% SAID "I AM RUNNING 207 00:12:00,753 --> 00:12:01,720 FOR GOVERNOR." 208 00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:03,789 ( LAUGHTER ) SO WITH NEWSOM LIKELY TO BE 209 00:12:03,856 --> 00:12:06,292 VICTORIOUS, THE G.O.P. HAS TAKEN THE HIGH ROAD BY PRIMING THEIR 210 00:12:06,358 --> 00:12:09,728 VOTERS TO BELIEVE THE CALIFORNIA RECALL WAS STOLEN. 211 00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:13,766 NOT AGAIN! 212 00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:18,704 WE KNOW THIS LEADS TO A TERRIBLE PLACE: SACRAMENTO. 213 00:12:18,771 --> 00:12:25,711 ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, IN MUSIC VIDEOS, 214 00:12:25,778 --> 00:12:31,350 THE VMA'S WERE LAST NIGHT, AND THEY KICKED OFF WITH A VISIT 215 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:36,522 -- THE BIGGEST SHOW STOPPER WAS LIL NOZ X WHO DID A STEAMY SHOW 216 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:44,930 OF INDUSTRY BABY AND MONTEIRO. 217 00:12:44,997 --> 00:12:45,731 S TELL ME YOU LOVE ME IN PRIVATE 218 00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:47,399 S CALL ME BY YOUR NAME I DO NOT CARE 219 00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:48,567 S IF YOU'RE LYING S >> STEPHEN: I'M NOT A PRUDE, BUT 220 00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:49,702 I FIND THAT REALLY UPSETTING. 221 00:12:49,768 --> 00:12:50,302 YET ANOTHER STAR-STUDDED SEX PARTY, AND I WASN'T INVITED. 222 00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,905 GUYS! 223 00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:57,710 I HAVE MY OWN BEDAZZLED SHORTS AND SOME BABY OIL. 224 00:12:57,776 --> 00:13:00,012 SO, LIL' NAS, CALL ME WHEN YOU WANT, CALL ME WHEN YOU NEED, 225 00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:04,016 CALL ME IN THE MORNING, I'LL BE ON THE WAY. 226 00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:05,151 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 227 00:13:05,217 --> 00:13:06,318 TONIGHT. 228 00:13:06,385 --> 00:13:09,722 MY GUESTS ARE JEFF DANIELS AND CBS MORNINGS' NATE BURLESON. 229 00:13:09,788 --> 00:13:14,393 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, RUDY GIULIANI WAS GIVEN ALCOHOL NEAR 230 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,461 A MICROPHONE. 231 00:13:33,779 --> 00:13:42,321 ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 232 00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:42,855 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 233 00:13:42,922 --> 00:13:45,291 WELCOME BACK! 234 00:13:45,357 --> 00:13:50,930 SAY HELLO TO THE BAND, JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN"! 235 00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:51,630 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 236 00:13:51,697 --> 00:13:52,998 >> Jon: WHOO! 237 00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:54,033 WHOO! 238 00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:55,234 WHOO! 239 00:13:55,301 --> 00:14:04,743 >> Steph>> Stephen: JON, I HOLD HAND THE CARDS FOR TONIGHT'S 240 00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:05,744 GUESTS. 241 00:14:05,811 --> 00:14:07,580 WE HAVE THE ONE, THE ONLY TREASURE JEFF DANIELS 242 00:14:07,646 --> 00:14:09,548 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: YES, YES. 243 00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:13,419 >> Stephen: SECOND GUEST, NEW TO THE CBS FAMILY, RIGHT? 244 00:14:13,485 --> 00:14:21,594 NATE BURLESON WHO IS NOW THE NEW HOST ON THE NEW CBS MORNING SHOW 245 00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:24,230 WHICH IS CALLED -- FORMER N.F.L. 246 00:14:24,296 --> 00:14:28,667 STAR BUT NOW ON THE CBS MORNING SHOW USED TO BE CALLED "CBS THIS 247 00:14:28,734 --> 00:14:35,574 MORNING" AND NOW IT'S CALLED ""CBS MORNINGS," BIG CHANGE. 248 00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:38,310 ( LAUGHTER ) ONE OF THE REASONS THEY CHANGED 249 00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:44,016 IT, IT USED TO BE CALLED "CBS THIS MORNING," AND PEOPLE WOULD 250 00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:51,123 SAY, WELL, I WATCHED THE MORNING SHOW BECAUSE IT WAS SINGULAR AND 251 00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:53,759 THEY WENT WITH MORNINGS BECAUSE IT'S HAPPENING EVERY DAY. 252 00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:57,062 >> Jon: YES, NO DEFINITIVE END, JUST MORNINGS. 253 00:14:57,129 --> 00:15:00,466 >> Stephen: THAT'S THEIR MOTTO, NO DEFINITIVE END. 254 00:15:00,532 --> 00:15:01,100 >> Jon: YEAH. 255 00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:05,004 >> Stephen: TO TODAY'S SHOW. 256 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:08,474 JON, I UNDERSTAND SHORTLY BEFORE THE SHOW BEGAN THIS EVENING WE 257 00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:15,781 GOT SOME SAD NEWS ABOUT THE FOUNDER TO HAVE THE NEWPORT JAZZ 258 00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:16,715 FESTIVAL. 259 00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:18,050 >> Jon: GEORGE WING PASSED AWAY THIS MORNING. 260 00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:26,759 HE FOUNDED NEWPORT FOLK, NEWPORT JAZZ, CONSIDERED THE CREATOR OF 261 00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:31,897 THE JAZZ FESTIVALS, IN GENERAL OWE A DEBT TO HIM. 262 00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:34,033 HE WAS SOMEONE WHO WAS SO SPECIAL TO ME. 263 00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:36,101 HE BELIEVED ME WHEN I WAS A KID. 264 00:15:36,168 --> 00:15:37,636 HE WOULD ENCOURAGE ME. 265 00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:39,204 HE WOULD ALWAYS BOOK ME. 266 00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:42,074 I LOVED GETTING TO KNOW HIM AND HEARING THE STORY HE TOLD ABOUT 267 00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:45,744 MILES AND ALL OF THE GREATS THAT HE WOULD MANAGE OR HANG OUT 268 00:15:45,811 --> 00:15:46,712 WITH. 269 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:49,214 I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT WE LOVE YOU, GEORGE. 270 00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:51,283 REST IN PEACE. 271 00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:59,358 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THANK YOU, JON. 272 00:15:59,425 --> 00:16:03,295 FOLKS, THIS SATURDAY, OF COURSE, WAS 273 00:16:03,362 --> 00:16:04,463 THE 20TH ANNIVERSARY OF 9/11. 274 00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,065 PRESIDENTS CLINTON, OBAMA, AND BIDEN APPEARED TOGETHER AT 275 00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:10,035 GROUND ZERO, GEORGE W. BUSH SPOKE IN SHANKSVILLE, 276 00:16:10,102 --> 00:16:14,039 PENNSYLVANIA, AND ONE FORMER PRESIDENT DID COLOR COMMENTARY 277 00:16:14,106 --> 00:16:16,475 FOR A PAY-PER-VIEW BOXING MATCH THAT DID NOT LAST ONE ENTIRE 278 00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:17,042 ROUND. 279 00:16:17,109 --> 00:16:18,043 WAS IT JIMMY CARTER? 280 00:16:18,110 --> 00:16:22,047 NO? 281 00:16:22,114 --> 00:16:25,184 WE'LL NEVER KNOW. 282 00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:34,059 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 283 00:16:34,126 --> 00:16:37,196 WE ALSO HEARD FROM FORMER NEW YORK MAYOR RUDY GIULIANI, SEEN 284 00:16:37,262 --> 00:16:42,067 HERE TRYING TO READ THE SPECIALS AT THE MASSAGE PARLOR. 285 00:16:42,134 --> 00:16:44,703 ( LAUGHTER ) IN HIS SPEECH, HE FOCUSED ON 286 00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:47,039 WHAT'S IMPORTANT FROM THAT DAY: MAKING FUN OF HOW QUEEN 287 00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:50,042 ELIZABETH REACTED TO HIS HANDLING OF THE TRAGEDY: 288 00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:53,045 >> ( IMPERSONATING THE QUEEN ) SHE SAID "YOU DID A WONDERFUL 289 00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:57,349 JOB ON SEPTEMBER 11. 290 00:16:57,416 --> 00:17:02,054 AND THEREFORE I'M MAKING YOU AN HONORARY KNIGHT, COMMAND OF THE 291 00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:03,422 ROYAL SOMETHING OR OTHER." 292 00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:05,023 >> STEPHEN: IF YOU WANT TO SEE MORE OF RUDY'S QUEEN ELIZABETH, 293 00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:10,062 YOU CAN CATCH HIM IN THE UPCOMING NETFLIX SERIES: 294 00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:11,029 "THE CLOWN." 295 00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:18,036 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 296 00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:20,672 BUT THAT'S NOT ALL RUDY HAD TO SAY ABOUT THE ROYAL FAMILY. 297 00:17:20,739 --> 00:17:22,441 >> I KNOW PRINCE ANDREW IS VERY QUESTIONABLE NOW. 298 00:17:22,508 --> 00:17:23,041 I NEVER WENT OUT WITH HIM. 299 00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:29,048 EVER. 300 00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:30,182 NEVER HAD A DRINK WITH HIM NEVER WAS WITH A WOMAN OR A 301 00:17:30,249 --> 00:17:33,285 YOUNG GIRL WITH HIM. 302 00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:34,520 NEVER, EVER, EVER. 303 00:17:34,586 --> 00:17:36,622 ONE TIME I MET HIM IN MY OFFICE AND ONE TIME-- WHEN WE HAD THE 304 00:17:36,688 --> 00:17:38,056 PARTY, RIGHT BERNIE? 305 00:17:38,123 --> 00:17:41,026 YOU WERE THERE. 306 00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:45,397 >> STEPHEN: AGAIN, THIS SPEECH SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT 9/11, ON 307 00:17:45,464 --> 00:17:46,398 9/11. 308 00:17:46,465 --> 00:17:47,933 REMIND ME TO NEVER HAVE RUDY SPEAK AT MY FUNERAL. 309 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,035 ( AS RUDY ) "WE'RE GATHERED HERE TO 310 00:17:50,102 --> 00:17:51,303 CELEBRATE A LIFE. 311 00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:54,673 BUT BEFORE THAT, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW, I NEVER EVER TOOK A 312 00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,742 ROAD TRIP WITH THAT HOMICIDAL DRIFTER. 313 00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:57,676 EVER! 314 00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,044 EXCEPT FOR THAT TIME WE DROVE TO WISCONSIN. 315 00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:02,047 YOU WERE THERE, RIGHT, BERNIE? 316 00:18:02,114 --> 00:18:08,520 POINT IS, BERNIE'S MY ALIBI." 317 00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:09,688 ( APPLAUSE ) RUDY'S RAMBLING 9/11 SPEECH LED 318 00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:14,059 MANY TO SPECULATE THAT HE WAS DRUNK OUT OF HIS MIND. 319 00:18:14,126 --> 00:18:16,094 NICE TO KNOW HE'S CUTTING BACK. 320 00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:17,229 OF COURSE, RUDY DIDN'T DIGNIFY THESE ACCUSATIONS WITH A 321 00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:20,299 RESPONSE. 322 00:18:20,365 --> 00:18:22,067 HE DIGNIFIED THEM WITH MANY, SAYING, "YES, I HAD A SCOTCH, 323 00:18:22,134 --> 00:18:24,670 BUT I WAS NOT DRUNK." 324 00:18:24,736 --> 00:18:26,038 ADDING, "I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. 325 00:18:26,104 --> 00:18:28,073 I USE THE WORD FUNCTIONING, I DON'T KNOW WHY I USED THE 326 00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:28,841 WORD FUNCTIONING. 327 00:18:28,907 --> 00:18:29,308 I AM NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. 328 00:18:29,374 --> 00:18:31,109 I AM 77-YEARS-OLD. 329 00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:38,050 I'VE NEVER BEEN TREATED FOR ALCOHOLISM." 330 00:18:38,116 --> 00:18:39,485 YES, THIS IS CLEAR. 331 00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:41,086 BUT IF YOU WANT TO DENY YOU'RE AN ALCOHOLIC, MAYBE DON'T CHOOSE 332 00:18:41,153 --> 00:18:44,289 A WORD THAT FAMOUSLY PRECEDES THE WORD ALCOHOLIC. 333 00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:46,058 IT'S LIKE SAYING, "I'M NOT A MRS. MAISEL. 334 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:46,959 I'M A MARVELOUS. 335 00:18:47,025 --> 00:18:49,628 I DON'T KNOW WHY I USE THE WORD MARVELOUS. 336 00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:52,998 I'VE NEVER BEEN TREATED FOR BEING MRS. MAISEL." 337 00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:55,534 RUDY CONTINUED, "I AM NOT A DRUNK. 338 00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:58,036 I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER BEEN PUBLICLY DRUNK IN MY LIFE." 339 00:18:58,103 --> 00:19:04,076 ADDING, "I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME THAT I WAS DRUNK." 340 00:19:04,142 --> 00:19:04,943 ( APPLAUSE ) (AS RUDY) 341 00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:07,746 "AND I WON'T REMEMBER THIS TIME EITHER." 342 00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:10,082 ( APPLAUSE ) RUDY SOMEHOW CONTINUED, SAYING 343 00:19:10,148 --> 00:19:13,685 "I'M PROBABLY ONE OF THE SHARPEST GUYS YOU'RE EVER GOING 344 00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:14,853 TO MEET. 345 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,556 AND YOU WANT TO PUT ME IN A COURT ROOM AND I'LL KICK THE ( 346 00:19:17,623 --> 00:19:18,457 BLEEP ) OUT OF ANYBODY." 347 00:19:18,524 --> 00:19:21,493 YOU KNOW, HOW A SOBER PERSON ACTS IN COURT. 348 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,028 "I'M THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THIS TRIAL. 349 00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:26,031 YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME? 350 00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:29,034 LET'S FIGHT. 351 00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:31,770 I LOVE YOU, MAN. 352 00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:37,309 ♪ JUST A SMALL TOWN BOY BORN AND RAISED IN SOUTH DE-(VOMITING) ♪ 353 00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:51,123 ( APPLAUSE ) NO FURTHER QUESTIONS." 354 00:19:51,189 --> 00:19:53,825 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JEFF DANIELS. 355 00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:08,340 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 356 00:20:08,407 --> 00:20:11,176 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 357 00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:13,412 THANK YOU VERY MUCH! 358 00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:17,749 WELCOME ONE AND ALL. 359 00:20:17,816 --> 00:20:19,051 TO "THE LATE SHOW." 360 00:20:19,117 --> 00:20:22,220 FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A TWO-TIME 361 00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:24,022 EMMY AWARD WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "THE NEWSROOM," 362 00:20:24,089 --> 00:20:27,059 "GODLESS," AND "TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD." 363 00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:29,828 HE NOW STARS IN THE NEW SHOWTIME SERIES "AMERICAN RUST." 364 00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:32,764 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," JEFF DANIELS! 365 00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:42,808 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 366 00:20:42,874 --> 00:21:01,593 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 367 00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:04,763 >> Stephen: WELL, THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE, WE WERE 368 00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:07,132 TALKING ABOUT "TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD," WHICH WAS JUST 369 00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:07,633 OPENING AT THE TIME. 370 00:21:07,699 --> 00:21:08,433 >> YEAH. 371 00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:11,203 >> Stephen: AND IT RETURNS OCTOBER -- 372 00:21:11,269 --> 00:21:11,937 >> 5th. 373 00:21:12,004 --> 00:21:15,407 >> Stephen: -- 5th, TO BROADWAY. 374 00:21:15,474 --> 00:21:16,475 VERY EXCITING. 375 00:21:16,541 --> 00:21:19,144 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WERE YOU PLANNING ON COMING 376 00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:19,811 BACK? 377 00:21:19,878 --> 00:21:22,114 OR WAS THIS A, YOU KNOW WHAT? 378 00:21:22,180 --> 00:21:23,882 COVED'S OVER, LET'S GO BACK. 379 00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:26,885 >> THEY HAD COME TO ME A FEW TIMES WHEN THE PANDEMIC HIT AND 380 00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,086 WOULD YOU COME BACK. 381 00:21:28,153 --> 00:21:31,156 I'M GOING, I DID IT FOR A YEAR, WHICH ON BROADWAY IS A LONG 382 00:21:31,223 --> 00:21:31,623 TIME. 383 00:21:31,690 --> 00:21:33,725 >> Stephen: SURE. 384 00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:37,596 AND THEN IT WAS, YOU CAN HELP REOPEN BROADWAY, YOU CAN HELP 385 00:21:37,663 --> 00:21:39,665 NEW YORK CITY COME BACK. 386 00:21:39,731 --> 00:21:42,034 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I MEAN, THERE WERE 88,000 JOBS 387 00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:44,503 THAT WERE LOST JUST IN THE BROADWAY DISTRICT. 388 00:21:44,569 --> 00:21:45,203 >> Stephen: RIGHT. 389 00:21:45,270 --> 00:21:48,206 O THE STAGE HANDS, THE USHERS. 390 00:21:48,273 --> 00:21:51,143 I MEAN, SO, LET'S HELP THAT, YOU KNOW. 391 00:21:51,209 --> 00:21:52,377 YOU LOVE THE THEATER, LET'S HELP THAT. 392 00:21:52,444 --> 00:21:55,147 >> Stephen: OF COURSE. 393 00:21:55,213 --> 00:21:59,985 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> THAT AND I WANT TO SEE WHAT 394 00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:01,119 IT MEANS NOW. 395 00:22:01,186 --> 00:22:05,624 I WANT TO SEE WHAT IT MEANS TO WALK OUT THERE AS ATTICUS 396 00:22:05,691 --> 00:22:08,193 FINCH -- >> Stephen: TWO YEARS LATER. 397 00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:15,133 -- POST GEORGE FLOYD'S MURDER AND BASICALLY THROW WHAT AARON 398 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:21,907 SORKIN HAD WRITTEN, AARON SORKIN IS ABOUT MANY THINGS, ONE OF 399 00:22:21,973 --> 00:22:27,713 WHICH IS WHITE BLINDNESS, AND I THINK BLOODY SUNDAY WAS GEORGE 400 00:22:27,779 --> 00:22:28,914 FLOYD'S MURDER. 401 00:22:28,980 --> 00:22:31,583 WHITE PEOPLE SAID I HAD ONLY IDEA WE WERE TAUGHT ONE SIDE OF 402 00:22:31,650 --> 00:22:33,885 AMERICAN HISTORY, I BETTER LOOK INTO THAT. 403 00:22:33,952 --> 00:22:43,128 SO I STARTED READING ISABELLE WILKERSON, H TA-NEHISI COATES, 404 00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:45,864 CAROL ANDERSON. 405 00:22:45,931 --> 00:22:47,632 ( APPLAUSE ) GET EDUCATED. 406 00:22:47,699 --> 00:22:50,602 WE HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY IN THIS COUNTRY RIGHT NOW TO WELCOME IN 407 00:22:50,669 --> 00:22:54,239 A NEW AMERICA. 408 00:22:54,306 --> 00:22:55,006 WE REALLY DO. 409 00:22:55,073 --> 00:22:58,176 >> Stephen: I FEEL THE SAME WAY. 410 00:22:58,243 --> 00:22:59,010 >> YEAH. 411 00:22:59,077 --> 00:23:00,245 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: STRANGELY, NOT 412 00:23:00,312 --> 00:23:05,016 ONLY IN AMERICA, NOT IN THE WAY WE APPROACH OUR CIVIC SOCIETY, 413 00:23:05,083 --> 00:23:09,821 BUT IN THE ARTS, THERE'S REASONS AND THERE'S AN OPPORTUNITY WHERE 414 00:23:09,888 --> 00:23:15,393 THINGS ARE REOPENING THAT NEVER CLOSED EVER BEFORE TO 415 00:23:15,460 --> 00:23:18,263 RE-DEDICATE YOURSELF TO FIRST PRINCIPLES. 416 00:23:18,330 --> 00:23:22,200 >> YEAH, AND WHITE PEOPLE ARE THE ONES WHO NEED TO HEAR IT. 417 00:23:22,267 --> 00:23:26,805 ( APPLAUSE ) SO MOCKINGBIRD WITH AARON SORKIN 418 00:23:26,872 --> 00:23:30,709 AND HARPER LEE IS A WHITE POINT OF VIEW, IT'S A STORY OF ATTICUS 419 00:23:30,776 --> 00:23:33,745 COMING TO GRIPS WITH THE FACT, ONE OF THE BIG CENTRAL QUESTIONS 420 00:23:33,812 --> 00:23:40,185 OF THE PLAY IS THERE'S GOODNESS IN EVERYONE AND YOU JUST HAVE TO 421 00:23:40,252 --> 00:23:44,856 CARE Y -- CARE ENOUGH TO LOOK FO IT. 422 00:23:44,923 --> 00:23:47,893 IS THERE GOODNESS IN EVERYONE IN 2021? 423 00:23:47,959 --> 00:23:48,460 NOT SURE. 424 00:23:48,527 --> 00:23:50,729 YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE NOW. 425 00:23:50,796 --> 00:23:56,434 YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE WHETHER YOU'RE FOR OR AT LEAST 426 00:23:56,501 --> 00:23:57,736 MARGINALIZED SYSTEMIC RACISM. 427 00:23:57,803 --> 00:23:59,171 YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE. 428 00:23:59,237 --> 00:24:04,142 YOU CAN'T SAY PLEASE CUT MY TAXES AND I'LL LOOK THE OTHER 429 00:24:04,209 --> 00:24:05,010 WAY. 430 00:24:05,076 --> 00:24:06,778 >> Stephen: OR TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT EXISTS. 431 00:24:06,845 --> 00:24:09,281 >> YEAH, TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT EXISTS. 432 00:24:09,347 --> 00:24:11,349 ( APPLAUSE ) YOU KNOW THAT THE CULTURE HAS 433 00:24:11,416 --> 00:24:12,818 CHANGED. 434 00:24:12,884 --> 00:24:16,955 RON BROWN STEVEN WROTE IN ROCK ME ON THE WATERS IN 1974. 435 00:24:17,022 --> 00:24:20,859 ONE OF HIS BIG THINGS WAS THE CULTURE CHANGE BEFORE THE 436 00:24:20,926 --> 00:24:21,993 POLITICS. 437 00:24:22,060 --> 00:24:24,629 THE CULTURE WAS COMING OUT, TAKING THE '60s AND GOING IN 438 00:24:24,696 --> 00:24:28,500 THE WHOLE OTHER EXPRESSIVE DIRECTION, AND NIXON AND AGO NEW 439 00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:29,100 WERE IN THE WHITE HOUSE. 440 00:24:29,167 --> 00:24:30,135 SAME THING NOW. 441 00:24:30,202 --> 00:24:37,242 IF YOU LOOK AT ANY MOVIE, TV, "AMERICAN RUST" AND 442 00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:38,944 "MOCKINGBIRD" IS AN EXAMPLE. 443 00:24:39,010 --> 00:24:41,112 WE HAVE EVERYBODY DOING EVERYTHING. 444 00:24:41,179 --> 00:24:43,114 NOT JUST WHITE PEOPLE. 445 00:24:43,181 --> 00:24:47,185 COMMERCIALS, CORPORATE AMERICA, YOU LOOK AT ANY COMMERCIAL NOW, 446 00:24:47,252 --> 00:24:48,420 ALL INCLUSIVE. 447 00:24:48,486 --> 00:24:50,322 CORPORATE AMERICA WAS TRIPPING OVER THEMSELVES TRYING TO GET TO 448 00:24:50,388 --> 00:24:52,924 THAT AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. 449 00:24:52,991 --> 00:24:54,059 ( APPLAUSE ) AND THAT'S GREAT. 450 00:24:54,125 --> 00:24:57,829 THAT'S GREAT, BUT CULTURE IS CHANGING, AND YOU CAN'T STOP 451 00:24:57,896 --> 00:25:00,999 THAT. 452 00:25:01,066 --> 00:25:03,235 THAT'S BIGGER THAN ANYTHING, I THINK. 453 00:25:03,301 --> 00:25:05,470 >> Stephen: WELL, I WANT TO ASK ABOUT "AMERICAN RUST." 454 00:25:05,537 --> 00:25:10,642 THIS IS THE NEW SERIES ON SHOWTIME. 455 00:25:10,709 --> 00:25:13,678 YOU STAR IN IT, YOU ALSO EXECUTIVE PRODUCE IT. 456 00:25:13,745 --> 00:25:15,614 WHY DID YOU WANT TO DO THIS SO MUCH? 457 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,616 WHAT'S THIS SERIES ABOUT? 458 00:25:17,682 --> 00:25:20,886 >> PHILLIP MEYER, A GREAT AMERICAN AUTHOR, WROTE A BOOK IN 459 00:25:20,952 --> 00:25:22,120 2009 CALLED "AMERICAN RUST." 460 00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:27,459 I WENT DOWN TO A BOOK STORE IN MANHATTAN AND HEARD HIM READ IT. 461 00:25:27,525 --> 00:25:33,665 I HEARD MY AGENT SAY, COME ON, WE'RE GOING DOWNTOWN, GOING TO 462 00:25:33,732 --> 00:25:35,800 HEAR A GUY READ THE BOOK. 463 00:25:35,867 --> 00:25:37,535 I SAID, OH, GREAT. 464 00:25:37,602 --> 00:25:39,337 MY MANAGER BIRD DOGGED THE BOOK. 465 00:25:39,404 --> 00:25:46,411 WHEN I GOT INTO A POSITION -- WHICH THE NEWS ROOM HELPED AND 466 00:25:46,478 --> 00:25:50,115 SOME OTHER THINGS HELPED, TO GET TO THAT THING WHERE YOU KNOW 467 00:25:50,181 --> 00:25:54,052 YOU'VE MADE IT, WHERE YOUR AGENT CALLS AND SAYS WE CAN DO THIS OR 468 00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:56,354 THAT, BUT WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? 469 00:25:56,421 --> 00:25:58,623 THAT'S WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'VE MADE IT. 470 00:25:58,690 --> 00:26:03,161 SO I SAID LET'S CHASE "AMERICAN RUST." 471 00:26:03,228 --> 00:26:04,329 "AMERICAN RUST," FOR ME, I AM THAT GUY. 472 00:26:04,396 --> 00:26:08,733 IF THE ACTING THING HADN'T WORKED OUT, AND I TRIED HARD -- 473 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,702 >> Stephen: FOR IT NOT TO WORK OUT? 474 00:26:10,769 --> 00:26:11,269 >> YEAH. 475 00:26:11,336 --> 00:26:13,638 I SAID, DID I FAIL YET? 476 00:26:13,705 --> 00:26:16,041 BECAUSE I WANT TO GO HOME. 477 00:26:16,107 --> 00:26:20,545 I WOULD HAVE BEEN BACK TO MY DAD'S LUMBER COMPANY DRIVING A 478 00:26:20,612 --> 00:26:21,646 TRUCK WITH THOSE GUYS. 479 00:26:21,713 --> 00:26:23,081 I AM ONE OF THOSE GUYS. 480 00:26:23,148 --> 00:26:25,216 >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE. 481 00:26:25,283 --> 00:26:29,120 CAN YOU TELL ME -- >> I PLAY A SMALL-TOWN COP WHO'S 482 00:26:29,187 --> 00:26:32,057 BASICALLY TRYING TO KEEP THE TOWN TOGETHER IN THE MIDST OF A 483 00:26:32,123 --> 00:26:34,359 LOT OF BUSINESSES AND STEEL COMPANIES THAT LEFT. 484 00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:37,929 A LOT OF PEOPLE AT THE BOTTOM OR AT LEAST CAN SEE IT FROM WHERE 485 00:26:37,996 --> 00:26:39,164 THEY ARE. 486 00:26:39,230 --> 00:26:41,333 I HAVE TO BREAK UP A FIGHT WITH ONE OF MY DEPUTIES WHO HAPPENS 487 00:26:41,399 --> 00:26:43,034 TO BE DRUNK WAVING A GUN AROUND. 488 00:26:43,101 --> 00:26:44,235 >> Stephen: JIM. 489 00:26:44,302 --> 00:26:45,403 TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO. 490 00:26:45,470 --> 00:26:50,041 >> I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME YOUR GUN AND GO HOME AND SLEEP IT 491 00:26:50,108 --> 00:26:50,976 OFF. 492 00:26:51,042 --> 00:26:54,312 YOU WILL GET YOUR LAST PAYCHECK IN THE MAIL. 493 00:26:54,379 --> 00:26:54,713 >> ( BLEEP ). 494 00:26:54,779 --> 00:26:55,914 YOU FIRING ME? 495 00:26:55,981 --> 00:26:57,615 >> Stephen: GIVE ME THE GUN. 496 00:26:57,682 --> 00:27:01,252 NOW THAT YOU FOUND YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND YOU'RE DONE WITH ME? 497 00:27:01,319 --> 00:27:03,855 >> I PROTECTED YOU SO MANY TIMES, PETE, TRIED TO GET YOU 498 00:27:03,922 --> 00:27:07,459 CLEANED UP, CHANGED ATTENDANCE RECORDS ALL BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT A 499 00:27:07,525 --> 00:27:08,059 FAMILY. 500 00:27:08,126 --> 00:27:09,227 I CAN'T HELP YOU ANYMORE. 501 00:27:09,294 --> 00:27:13,932 WE HAVE BUDGET CUTS THE LAST THREE YEARS, YOU JUST MADE MY 502 00:27:13,999 --> 00:27:15,033 DECISION EASIER. 503 00:27:15,100 --> 00:27:16,868 > SOMEBODY GETTING FIRED BECAUSE OF BUDGET CUTS, BETTER 504 00:27:16,935 --> 00:27:19,204 BE THE CHINESE GUY. 505 00:27:19,270 --> 00:27:23,475 I GOT SENIORITY OVER HIM. 506 00:27:23,541 --> 00:27:31,016 >> THE CHINESE GUY COMES TO WORK, DOESN'T WAVE A GUN, AND 507 00:27:31,082 --> 00:27:31,716 HE'S KOREAN. 508 00:27:31,783 --> 00:27:39,491 NOW GIVE ME THE GUN AND GO HOME! 509 00:27:39,557 --> 00:27:41,192 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A 510 00:27:41,259 --> 00:27:42,060 QUICK BREAK. 511 00:27:42,127 --> 00:27:43,328 PLEASE STICK AROUND. 512 00:27:43,395 --> 00:27:46,197 WHEN WE COME BACK, THERE WILL BE MORE JEFF DANIELS, AND I'M GOING 513 00:27:46,264 --> 00:27:47,699 TO ASK HIM ABOUT THE BEGINNING OF HIS CAREER, ALL THE GREAT 514 00:27:47,766 --> 00:27:49,334 DIRECTORS YOU WORKED WITH. 515 00:27:49,401 --> 00:27:50,335 BE READY FOR THAT. 516 00:27:59,544 --> 00:28:01,312 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 517 00:28:01,379 --> 00:28:03,448 WE'RE BACK HERE. 518 00:28:03,515 --> 00:28:05,316 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 519 00:28:05,383 --> 00:28:10,388 WE'RE BACK HERE WITH AMERICA'S SWEETHEART, JEFF DANIELS. 520 00:28:10,455 --> 00:28:12,223 ( LAUGHTER ) I WANT TO GO BACK TO SOMETHING 521 00:28:12,290 --> 00:28:15,460 YOU SAID A WHILE AGO. 522 00:28:15,527 --> 00:28:18,830 YOU KNOW YOU'VE MADE IT WHEN YOUR MANAGER GOES WHAT DO YOU 523 00:28:18,897 --> 00:28:23,068 WANT TO DO AS OPPOSED TO WHAT ARE THESE OPPORTUNITIES? 524 00:28:23,134 --> 00:28:24,269 >> YEAH. 525 00:28:24,335 --> 00:28:26,037 >> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT, WHEN YOU FIRST START OFF AS AN ACTOR, 526 00:28:26,104 --> 00:28:28,373 I'M SURE YOU HAVE ALL KIND OF DOUBTS ABOUT YOUR CAREER, 527 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:31,409 WHETHER YOU'VE ROLLED THE BONES ON THE WRONG PATH OF YOUR LIFE. 528 00:28:31,476 --> 00:28:34,746 WHAT WAS THE MOMENT IN WHICH YOU WERE, LIKE, OKAY, I'LL STICK 529 00:28:34,813 --> 00:28:36,681 WITH THIS, THIS IS WHAT I WILL DO. 530 00:28:36,748 --> 00:28:38,483 I MIGHT MAKE IT. 531 00:28:38,550 --> 00:28:45,423 >> I WAS 21 WHEN I CAME TO NEW YORK CITY, 1976, SEPTEMBER 1 532 00:28:45,490 --> 00:28:46,724 AT 2:00 P.M. IN THE AFTERNOON. 533 00:28:46,791 --> 00:28:50,028 I CAME THROUGH THE HOLLAND TUNNEL WITH MY BUICK, YOU KNOW, 534 00:28:50,095 --> 00:28:52,063 AND EVERYTHING I OWNED IN THE BACK SEAT. 535 00:28:52,130 --> 00:28:55,533 I CELEBRATE THAT ANNIVERSARY EVERY YEAR 45 YEARS AGO. 536 00:28:55,600 --> 00:29:03,141 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SO STARTED OUT OFF BROADWAY, AND 537 00:29:03,208 --> 00:29:07,011 THEN I GOT TO DO COMMERCIALS WHICH PAID THE RENT. 538 00:29:07,078 --> 00:29:09,214 >> Stephen: SURE, KA-CHING. 539 00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:12,484 AND BAD PARTS AND BAD TELEVISION PILOTS, NOT TOO MANY. 540 00:29:12,550 --> 00:29:17,222 BUT THEN I GOT "TERMS OF ENDEARMENT" WHICH CAME OUT TO 541 00:29:17,288 --> 00:29:21,292 HAVE THE BLUE, BUT I WAS 28 WHEN THAT HAPPENED, SO THAT WAS SEVEN 542 00:29:21,359 --> 00:29:22,527 YEARS. 543 00:29:22,594 --> 00:29:27,532 THEN WHEN I GOT LEADING ROLES, PLURAL, IN WOODY ALLEN'S "PURPLE 544 00:29:27,599 --> 00:29:32,770 ROSE OF CAIRO" WHEN WOODY WAS AT THE HEIGHT OF HIS FILMMARK 545 00:29:32,837 --> 00:29:35,740 STATUS WHEN HE AND MIA WERE STILL IN LOVE, THAT'S 1985, WHEN 546 00:29:35,807 --> 00:29:39,978 THAT HAPPENED, I KNEW THAT I WOULD AT LEAST BE ABLE TO MAKE A 547 00:29:40,044 --> 00:29:41,112 LIVING IN THIS BUSINESS. 548 00:29:41,179 --> 00:29:44,482 I WOULDN'T BE A STAR, BUT I COULD MAKE A LIVING IN THIS 549 00:29:44,549 --> 00:29:45,683 BUSINESS. 550 00:29:45,750 --> 00:29:49,954 NEXT MOVIE I WENT UP ON WAS HEARTBURN, MIKE NICHOLS DIRECTED 551 00:29:50,021 --> 00:29:51,156 IT. 552 00:29:51,222 --> 00:29:53,224 WENT TO MIKE'S APARTMENT WHERE YOU MEET MIKE, YOU WALK IN AND 553 00:29:53,291 --> 00:29:56,761 TALK TO MIKE AND SAY -- I SAID, DO YOU WANT ME TO READ? 554 00:29:56,828 --> 00:30:00,698 HE SAID, GOOD ENOUGH FOR WOODY, GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. 555 00:30:00,765 --> 00:30:01,866 >> Stephen: WOW. 556 00:30:01,933 --> 00:30:03,034 YEAH. 557 00:30:03,101 --> 00:30:07,038 I'M DOING CLINT EASTWOOD'S "BLOOD WORK" AND THIS WAS LATER, 558 00:30:07,105 --> 00:30:12,777 2002, AND I HAD CLOSE CHOSEN -- I REALLY WANTED TO DO "DUMB AND 559 00:30:12,844 --> 00:30:13,878 DUMBER." 560 00:30:13,945 --> 00:30:16,014 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I WANTED TO DO BIGTIME COMEDY, 561 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,550 GETTYSBURG, BECAUSE I'M LIVING IN MICHIGAN, YOU KNOW. 562 00:30:18,616 --> 00:30:19,751 >> Stephen: OKAY. 563 00:30:19,817 --> 00:30:22,220 THERE ARE JOBS IN BETWEEN ALL THOSE, SO I THOUGHT, IF I CAN 564 00:30:22,287 --> 00:30:29,093 PULL OFF "DUMB AND DUMBER" STANDING NEXT TO JIM, THEN I MAY 565 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:33,398 BE ABLE TO HAVE -- I'M WALKING DOWN THE SET WITH CLINT 566 00:30:33,464 --> 00:30:37,468 EASTWOOD, AND CLINT -- I HAD DONE A DRAMA CALLED "TWO DAYS IN 567 00:30:37,535 --> 00:30:41,639 THE VALLEY" AND "DUMB AND DUMBER," BOTH OF WHICH CLINT HAS 568 00:30:41,706 --> 00:30:42,874 SEEN. 569 00:30:42,941 --> 00:30:45,210 CLINT SAID, IF YOU CAN DO "TWO DAYS IN THE VALLEY" AND YOU CAN 570 00:30:45,276 --> 00:30:54,319 DO "DUMB AND DUMBER," YOU CAN DO THIS (IN CLINT'S VOICE ). 571 00:30:54,385 --> 00:30:56,154 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> FIRST TIME I MET CLINT I WENT 572 00:30:56,221 --> 00:31:01,259 TO THE PEBBLE BEACH GOLF TOURNAMENT, YOU'RE AN AMATEUR, A 573 00:31:01,326 --> 00:31:01,793 CELEBRITY. 574 00:31:01,859 --> 00:31:03,194 YOU'VE GOT TO GO ONCE. 575 00:31:03,261 --> 00:31:05,563 I'M IN THE BREAKFAST TENT WEDNESDAY, AND I DON'T KNOW 576 00:31:05,630 --> 00:31:08,566 ANYBODY AND I'M GOING TO GO PLAY AND I'M TRYING TO REMEMBER CAN I 577 00:31:08,633 --> 00:31:13,137 EVEN PLAY ANYMORE, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN CLINT EASTWOOD WALKS 578 00:31:13,204 --> 00:31:17,141 ACROSS THE BREAKFAST TENT AND IS LOOKING RIGHT AT ME. 579 00:31:17,208 --> 00:31:19,444 I'M YOU KNOW, THE EGGS. 580 00:31:19,510 --> 00:31:22,547 AND HE CAME, JEFF DANIELS. 581 00:31:22,614 --> 00:31:23,514 GENERAL, CLINT -- EAST WOOD. 582 00:31:23,581 --> 00:31:28,086 EAST WOOD, YES. 583 00:31:28,152 --> 00:31:31,055 (CLINT) I SAW DUMB AND DUMBER. 584 00:31:31,122 --> 00:31:32,557 HE SAID, THE TOILETTE SCENE -- I SAID, YES, SIR -- THAT HAPPENED 585 00:31:32,624 --> 00:31:34,392 TO ME. 586 00:31:34,459 --> 00:31:40,765 ( LAUGHTER ) HE STARTED LAUGHING AND HE 587 00:31:40,832 --> 00:31:43,935 TURNED AROUND AND WALKED AWAY AND THAT WAS IT. 588 00:31:44,002 --> 00:31:48,072 TEN YEARS LATER, WHATEVER, I'M ON BLOOD WORK. 589 00:31:48,139 --> 00:31:51,442 >> Stephen: JEFF, LOVELY TO HAVE YOU HERE. 590 00:31:51,509 --> 00:31:54,445 GREAT TO HAVE YOU HERE AGAIN. 591 00:31:54,512 --> 00:31:54,946 >> THANKS SO MUCH. 592 00:31:55,013 --> 00:31:56,748 >> Stephen: YOU BET. 593 00:31:56,814 --> 00:31:59,584 "AMERICAN RUST" AIRS SUNDAYS ON SHOWTIME, JEFF DANIELS, 594 00:31:59,651 --> 00:32:00,685 EVERYBODY. 595 00:32:00,752 --> 00:32:03,655 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH "CBS MORNINGS" NATE BURLESON! 596 00:32:27,111 --> 00:32:33,985 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 597 00:32:34,052 --> 00:32:36,287 HEY, THERE YOU GO! 598 00:32:36,354 --> 00:32:39,891 I CAN SIT DOWN. 599 00:32:39,957 --> 00:32:40,458 HEY! 600 00:32:40,525 --> 00:32:41,893 WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY! 601 00:32:41,959 --> 00:32:44,829 GOOD TO SEE YOU, AS ALWAYS. 602 00:32:44,896 --> 00:32:47,332 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS A FORMER N.F.L. 603 00:32:47,398 --> 00:32:51,336 PLAYER WHO IS THE NEW CO-HOST OF "CBS MORNINGS." 604 00:32:51,402 --> 00:32:53,237 PLEASE WELCOME, NATE BURLESON! 605 00:32:53,304 --> 00:33:03,281 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 606 00:33:03,348 --> 00:33:16,994 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 607 00:33:17,061 --> 00:33:20,231 >> HOW ABOUT THIS? 608 00:33:20,298 --> 00:33:24,168 ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 609 00:33:24,235 --> 00:33:25,203 HOW ABOUT THIS? 610 00:33:25,269 --> 00:33:29,307 >> Stephen: IT'S QUITE A LOVELY AUDIENCE, ISN'T IT? 611 00:33:29,374 --> 00:33:31,342 >> LIKE PLAYING IN FRONT OF A BIG CROWD. 612 00:33:31,409 --> 00:33:32,510 >> Stephen: IT IS. 613 00:33:32,577 --> 00:33:33,611 LOVELY TO MEET YOU. 614 00:33:33,678 --> 00:33:34,912 WELCOME TO THE CBS FAMILY. 615 00:33:34,979 --> 00:33:36,114 >> THANK YOU, I APPRECIATE IT. 616 00:33:36,180 --> 00:33:38,383 >> Stephen: YOU'VE GOT A NICE GIG OVER THERE ON THE MORNING 617 00:33:38,449 --> 00:33:38,683 SHOW. 618 00:33:38,750 --> 00:33:39,650 >> I DO. 619 00:33:39,717 --> 00:33:42,253 >> Stephen: I'VE GOT TO TALK ABOUT THIS OUTFIT. 620 00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:44,989 I'VE RARELY SEEN A SUIT WITH SHORT ON THE SHOW. 621 00:33:45,056 --> 00:33:49,427 I'VE SEEN THEM ON ENGLISH BOARDING SCHOOLS BUT NOT ON A 622 00:33:49,494 --> 00:33:50,962 LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW. 623 00:33:51,028 --> 00:33:52,430 TELL ME ABOUT THE CHOICE. 624 00:33:52,497 --> 00:33:54,599 >> I THINK BART SIMPSON MADE THIS POPULAR. 625 00:33:54,665 --> 00:33:59,003 IT'S A LITTLE CHILLY BUT IT'S WARM OUTSIDE. 626 00:33:59,070 --> 00:34:02,006 YOU'VE GOT NICE CALVES, YOU CAN ROCK THIS. 627 00:34:02,073 --> 00:34:02,774 >> Stephen: 100%. 628 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:04,842 I DON'T WANT TO UPSTAGE MY GUEST. 629 00:34:04,909 --> 00:34:08,413 IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU, MY FRIEND. 630 00:34:08,479 --> 00:34:09,280 >> I HEAR YOU ON THAT. 631 00:34:09,347 --> 00:34:10,581 >> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS ON CBS. 632 00:34:10,648 --> 00:34:13,951 I'VE GOT TO ASK YOU ABOUT THE "CBS MORNINGS" THING. 633 00:34:14,018 --> 00:34:17,855 CAN I SAY MORNINGS ON CBS OR WHAT'S WITH THE MORNINGS THING. 634 00:34:17,922 --> 00:34:19,290 >> WHAT'S THE CONFUSION? 635 00:34:19,357 --> 00:34:24,061 I HEARD YOU TALKING ABOUT IT EARLIER. 636 00:34:24,128 --> 00:34:28,199 IT WAS "CBS MORNING" AND NOW IT'S "CBS MORNINGS." 637 00:34:28,266 --> 00:34:31,702 WE'RE GOING TO GEV YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED, BABY. 638 00:34:31,769 --> 00:34:33,938 >> Stephen: DO YOU STILL HAVE THE EYE OPENER. 639 00:34:34,005 --> 00:34:36,374 >> WE DO, EYE OPENER IN THE MORNING. 640 00:34:36,441 --> 00:34:38,576 >> Stephen: MY JOKES SOMETIMES SHOW UP IN THE EYE OPENER. 641 00:34:38,643 --> 00:34:39,510 >> I GOT YOU. 642 00:34:39,577 --> 00:34:43,748 >> Stephen: THEN I'M WATCHING THIS EPISODE. 643 00:34:43,815 --> 00:34:44,482 CLEARLY HAVE TASTE. 644 00:34:44,549 --> 00:34:45,216 >> WE'RE BIG FANS OF YOURS. 645 00:34:45,283 --> 00:34:47,318 >> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 646 00:34:47,385 --> 00:34:50,421 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BACK IN MARCH, YOU AND YOUR 647 00:34:50,488 --> 00:34:54,692 11-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER HAD -- THIS IS PRETTY EXCITING -- I'M SURE 648 00:34:54,759 --> 00:34:59,597 IT'S EXCITING FOR YOU TOO BUT ESPECIALLY YOUR DAUGHTER -- 649 00:34:59,664 --> 00:35:02,600 INTERVIEWED MICHELLE OBAMA, YOUR DAUGHTER MIA AND YOU. 650 00:35:02,667 --> 00:35:03,701 >> YEAH. 651 00:35:03,768 --> 00:35:05,136 >> Stephen: WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO SHARE THAT EXPERIENCE? 652 00:35:05,203 --> 00:35:08,005 DID YOU SEEM LIKE COOL DAD AT THAT POINT? 653 00:35:08,072 --> 00:35:09,373 >> I DID EARN POINTS. 654 00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:12,977 SHOUT OUT TO MY DAUGHTER MIA PEARL. 655 00:35:13,044 --> 00:35:14,245 SHE'S AMAZING. 656 00:35:14,312 --> 00:35:19,050 I WAS WORKING WITH EXTRAS FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS AND THEY SAID IF 657 00:35:19,116 --> 00:35:23,221 THERE ARE ANY INTERVIEWS MY DAUGHTER COULD SIT IN ON THEM 658 00:35:23,287 --> 00:35:28,159 AND SHE DID A BETTER JOB THAN ME. 659 00:35:28,226 --> 00:35:31,429 MICHELLE SAID YOU DID A GOOD JOB BUT YOUR DAUGHTER BEEN MORE 660 00:35:31,496 --> 00:35:32,663 EXCITING THAN YOU. 661 00:35:32,730 --> 00:35:35,299 I'M EXCITED FOR ME DAUGHTER TO TAKE OVER WHEN I'M DONE WITH TV. 662 00:35:35,366 --> 00:35:39,003 >> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 663 00:35:45,276 --> 00:35:46,277 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 664 00:35:46,344 --> 00:35:51,115 WE'RE BACK WITH "CBS MORNINGS'" NATE BURLESON 665 00:35:51,182 --> 00:35:55,052 HERE YOU ARE WITH YOUR LOVELY WIFE. 666 00:35:55,119 --> 00:35:55,753 >> OH, THANK YOU. 667 00:35:55,820 --> 00:35:56,654 SHE'S BEAUTIFUL. 668 00:35:56,721 --> 00:35:58,756 >> Stephen: CELEBRATING YOUR 40th BIRTHDAY. 669 00:35:58,823 --> 00:35:59,390 HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 670 00:35:59,457 --> 00:36:00,157 >> I APPRECIATE THAT. 671 00:36:00,224 --> 00:36:00,625 I'M A LEO. 672 00:36:00,691 --> 00:36:02,326 >> Stephen: A LEO. 673 00:36:02,393 --> 00:36:03,327 YEAH. 674 00:36:03,394 --> 00:36:07,532 >> Stephen: WHAT ARE YOU GUYS ABOUT TO DO HERE? 675 00:36:07,598 --> 00:36:08,666 REPEL OFF SOMETHING? 676 00:36:08,733 --> 00:36:18,643 >> WE WERE IN COSTA RICA, JUMPING OFF WATERFALLS AND ZIP 677 00:36:18,709 --> 00:36:19,577 LINING. 678 00:36:19,644 --> 00:36:28,886 I'M NOT MUCH OVER-- >> Stephen: I'VE BUNGEE 679 00:36:28,953 --> 00:36:29,287 JUMPED. 680 00:36:29,353 --> 00:36:29,854 >> WHEN. 681 00:36:29,921 --> 00:36:30,721 >> Stephen: FALL OF 19. 682 00:36:30,788 --> 00:36:33,591 WE WERE IN NEW ZEALAND AND I WENT DOWN. 683 00:36:33,658 --> 00:36:35,359 >> WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? 684 00:36:35,426 --> 00:36:40,865 >> Stephen: SOMEONE POINTED A CAMERA AT ME AND SAID IT WOULD 685 00:36:40,932 --> 00:36:43,434 BE FUNNY IF YOU JUMP OFF THIS BRIDGE. 686 00:36:43,501 --> 00:36:47,605 MY WIFE SAID I WILL DO ANYTHING IF YOU POINT AT ME. 687 00:36:47,672 --> 00:36:51,943 WHAT'S THE CRAZIEST THING YOU EVER DID WITH A CAMERA POINTED 688 00:36:52,009 --> 00:36:52,710 AT YOU? 689 00:36:52,777 --> 00:36:55,012 >> CAN I SAY THAT ON TV? 690 00:36:55,079 --> 00:36:56,547 NO I'M JOKING! 691 00:36:56,614 --> 00:37:00,384 I'VE DONE THE PARASAILING, JUMPED OFF TALL WATER FALLS. 692 00:37:00,451 --> 00:37:05,222 I DO WANT TO JUMP OUT OF A PLANE, THOUGH, BECAUSE I AM A 693 00:37:05,289 --> 00:37:05,890 FRAYED OF HEIGHTS. 694 00:37:05,957 --> 00:37:09,193 >> Stephen: WITH A PARACHUTE. 695 00:37:09,260 --> 00:37:09,727 OF COURSE. 696 00:37:09,794 --> 00:37:18,569 YOU SEE T CALVES. 697 00:37:18,636 --> 00:37:19,804 I USED TO JUMP VERY HIGH. 698 00:37:19,870 --> 00:37:23,207 >> Stephen: I DON'T EVEN LIKE WATCHING VIDEOS OF PEOPLE DOING 699 00:37:23,274 --> 00:37:24,408 THINGS FROM HIGH HEIGHTS. 700 00:37:24,475 --> 00:37:26,310 >> YOU GET NERVOUS. 701 00:37:26,377 --> 00:37:29,380 I GET CRAMPS, A NAUSEOUS FEELING IN THE BACK OF MY NECK. 702 00:37:29,447 --> 00:37:30,448 >> HOW DID YOU CONQUER IT? 703 00:37:30,514 --> 00:37:33,250 YOU SAID YOU WENT BUNGEE JUMPING. 704 00:37:33,317 --> 00:37:34,352 >> Stephen: AGAIN -- THE CAMERA. 705 00:37:34,418 --> 00:37:37,188 >> Stephen: THE CAMERA WAS POINTED AT MY AND I KNEW WE 706 00:37:37,254 --> 00:37:40,558 NEEDED AN OUT TO THE PIECE WE WERE SHOOTING AND THE PERFECT 707 00:37:40,625 --> 00:37:42,293 THING WOULD BE TO JUMP OFF THE BRIDGE. 708 00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:44,795 YOU'RE GOING TO GET THERE. 709 00:37:44,862 --> 00:37:46,297 YOU THINK "CBS MORNINGS" IS NOT GOING TO ASK YOU TO JUMP OFF A 710 00:37:46,364 --> 00:37:47,198 BRIDGES SPECIAL NOW? 711 00:37:47,264 --> 00:37:51,369 THESE PEOPLE DON'T CARE IF YOU LIVE OR DIE! 712 00:37:51,435 --> 00:37:53,938 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> CAN WE AGREE TO CONQUER OUR 713 00:37:54,005 --> 00:37:55,539 HEIGHT TOGETHER AND DO SOMETHING NEW? 714 00:37:55,606 --> 00:37:57,441 >> Stephen: OH! 715 00:37:57,508 --> 00:37:58,542 YOU DOWN FOR THAT? 716 00:37:58,609 --> 00:37:59,443 >> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY NOT. 717 00:37:59,510 --> 00:38:03,381 I DID IT, BABY, I ALREADY CASHED THE CHECK. 718 00:38:03,447 --> 00:38:04,649 I REALLY DON'T LIKE IT. 719 00:38:04,715 --> 00:38:08,285 HAVE YOU FLOWN WITH THE THUNDERBIRDS OR ANYTHING? 720 00:38:08,352 --> 00:38:09,720 HAVE YOU DONE THAT STUFF? 721 00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:10,588 >> NO, I'M GOOD. 722 00:38:10,655 --> 00:38:12,123 YOU DID THAT AS WELL IN. 723 00:38:12,189 --> 00:38:13,324 >> Stephen: YES. 724 00:38:13,391 --> 00:38:16,661 YOU GIVE ME YOUR LIST AND I WILL TOP THAT OVER THE NEXT TWO 725 00:38:16,727 --> 00:38:17,628 YEARS. 726 00:38:17,695 --> 00:38:19,730 >> Stephen: THE MOST TERRIFYING IS GO DOWN THE 727 00:38:19,797 --> 00:38:22,466 BOBSLEDDING THING WITH THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP AMERICAN TEAM. 728 00:38:22,533 --> 00:38:23,367 >> TERRIFYING. 729 00:38:23,434 --> 00:38:25,102 >> Stephen: MORE TERRIFYING THAN ANYTHING. 730 00:38:25,169 --> 00:38:26,003 >> WHY. 731 00:38:26,070 --> 00:38:29,573 >> Stephen: THUNDERBIRDS CAN KISS THEIR ASS 732 00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:30,675 ( LAUGHTER ) I'M NOT JOKING. 733 00:38:30,741 --> 00:38:34,145 BECAUSE OF THE G FORCES AND SWITCHING BACK AND FORTH. 734 00:38:34,211 --> 00:38:38,482 YOU BASICALLY GO THROUGH THE FIRST THREE TURNS, LIKE THE BEST 735 00:38:38,549 --> 00:38:40,217 ROLLERCOASTER YOU EVER BEEN ON. 736 00:38:40,284 --> 00:38:42,720 EVERY TURN GETS MORE G FORCES. 737 00:38:42,787 --> 00:38:47,792 YOU GO TO THE FOURTH TURN AND YOU SAY I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE. 738 00:38:47,858 --> 00:38:51,896 THE FIFTH TURN YOU ALMOST BLACKOUT. 739 00:38:51,962 --> 00:38:54,832 THESE GUYS ARE LIKE YOU, THEY ACTUALLY HAVE MUSCLE. 740 00:38:54,899 --> 00:38:58,669 YOU WILL BE FINE BECAUSE YOUR HEAD WILL STAY IN PLACE. 741 00:38:58,736 --> 00:39:01,639 I'M LIKE A SIX WEEK OLD BABY TRYING TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH 742 00:39:01,706 --> 00:39:07,378 HIS MOM IN THE CRIB. 743 00:39:07,445 --> 00:39:13,951 ( APPLAUSE ) >> AT WHAT POINT DID YOU PEE ON 744 00:39:14,018 --> 00:39:15,152 YOURSELF? 745 00:39:15,219 --> 00:39:19,390 >> Stephen: I DIDN'T PEE ON MYSELF BUT I DID GET A BURN FROM 746 00:39:19,457 --> 00:39:22,660 THE ICE BECAUSE I DIDN'T CURL DOWN ENOUGH AND MY SHOULDER 747 00:39:22,727 --> 00:39:25,963 TOUCHED THE OVERHANGING ICE. 748 00:39:26,030 --> 00:39:31,035 YOU WEAR A KEVLAR JERKIN UNDERNEATH YOUR SPANDEX TO 749 00:39:31,102 --> 00:39:35,740 SEPARATE YOUR SKIN FROM THE SPANDEX IF YOU HIT THE EYES. 750 00:39:35,806 --> 00:39:39,410 IT HELTS ON YOUR SKIN BECAUSE IT HEATS UP SO FAST BECAUSE YOU'RE 751 00:39:39,477 --> 00:39:40,611 DOING 90 MILES AN HOUR. 752 00:39:40,678 --> 00:39:43,814 I TOOK OFF MY SHIRT WHEN I GOT HOME AND MY WIFE SAID WHAT DID 753 00:39:43,881 --> 00:39:44,915 YOU DO? 754 00:39:44,982 --> 00:39:47,885 I DIDN'T REALIZE THE BACK TOUCHED AND THE WEAVE OF THE 755 00:39:47,952 --> 00:39:50,221 KEVLAR HAD BURNED INTO MY BACK. 756 00:39:50,287 --> 00:39:51,288 >> THAT'S NASTY. 757 00:39:51,355 --> 00:39:54,125 I GOT SOME PRETTY GNARLY SCARS BUT NOTHING LIKE THAT. 758 00:39:54,191 --> 00:39:55,159 >> Stephen: WHAT YOU GOT. 759 00:39:55,226 --> 00:40:00,898 A COUPLE OF INJURIES, ACL, BROKE MY LEG, ARM, NOSE, 760 00:40:00,965 --> 00:40:03,167 SEPARATED SHOULDER, BROKEN RIB, FINGER, SEPARATED -- 761 00:40:03,234 --> 00:40:07,371 >> Stephen: YOU'RE ONLY BEEN ON THE SHOW FOR A WEEK! 762 00:40:07,438 --> 00:40:08,405 >> GAYLE KING IS NO JOKE. 763 00:40:08,472 --> 00:40:11,375 >> Stephen: SHE'S A MONSTER. 764 00:40:11,442 --> 00:40:13,811 HE'S NO JOKE. 765 00:40:13,878 --> 00:40:19,283 >> Stephen: "CBS MORNINGS" AIRS WEEK DAYS AT 766 00:40:19,350 --> 00:40:19,884 7:00 A.M. ON CBS. 767 00:40:19,950 --> 00:40:21,886 NATE BURLESON, EVERYBODY! 768 00:40:21,952 --> 00:40:23,087 THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW" TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST 769 00:40:23,154 --> 00:40:27,658 WILL BE SUPREME COURT JUSTICE STEPHEN BREYER. 770 00:40:27,725 --> 00:40:29,226 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 771 00:40:29,293 --> 00:40:30,294 GOOD NIGHT.