1 00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:04,838 >> THE HOST OF THE ORIGINAL NICKELODEON SHOW "BLUE'S CLUES" 2 00:00:04,904 --> 00:00:06,239 STEVE BURNS LEFT VIEWERS HEARTBROKEN WHEN HE LEFT THE 3 00:00:06,306 --> 00:00:08,308 SHOW BACK IN 2002. 4 00:00:08,375 --> 00:00:12,679 HE TOLD THEM HE WAS OFF TO COLLEGE, LEAVING ROOM FOR HIS 5 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:13,980 LITTLE BROTHER TO STEP IN. 6 00:00:14,047 --> 00:00:17,350 NOW, IN A VIRAL VIDEO, BURNS SPEAKS DIRECTLY TO HIS FANS. 7 00:00:17,417 --> 00:00:18,284 LISTEN. 8 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:20,286 >> ONE DAY, I WAS, LIKE, OH, HEY, GUESS WHAT? 9 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:21,054 BIG NEWS, I'M LEAVING. 10 00:00:21,121 --> 00:00:24,424 I REALIZE THAT WAS KIND OF ABRUPT. 11 00:00:24,491 --> 00:00:27,127 I GUESS I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, I 12 00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:33,166 NEVER FORGOT YOU, EVER. 13 00:00:38,004 --> 00:00:41,941 >> HEY THERE, IT'S ME, THE HEIGHT GIRAFFE. 14 00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:45,111 REMEMBER SEASON ONE, EPISODE 13 WHEN I WAS USED TO MEASURE BLUE 15 00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:45,945 AND THEN WAS NEVER SEEN AGAIN? 16 00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:49,282 I REALIZE THAT WAS SORT OF SUDDEN. 17 00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:50,417 LET ME EXPLAIN. 18 00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:53,953 SHORTLY AFTER TAPING THAT SCENE, IN 1996, I BECAME FULLY 19 00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:57,957 ENTRENCHED IN A UFO CULT CALLED HEAVEN'S GATE. 20 00:00:58,024 --> 00:01:01,928 I LEARNED SO MUCH FROM OUR LEADER MARSHALL APPLEWHITE OR 21 00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:03,129 DOUGH, AS WE CALLED HIM. 22 00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:06,399 I INTENDED TO PASS THESE TEACHINGS ALONG TO YOU DURING MY 23 00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:09,135 SENDOFF EPISODE THAT, FOR SOME REASON, NICK, JR. REFUSED TO 24 00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:10,270 AIR. 25 00:01:10,336 --> 00:01:14,374 SO, YOU SEE, BLUE, EVIL SPACE ALIENS CALLED LUCIFERIANS 26 00:01:14,441 --> 00:01:20,280 TRAPPED US INSIDE THESE LIMITED PHYSICAL BODIES, AND THE ONLY 27 00:01:20,346 --> 00:01:22,582 WAY TO REACH THE LORD'S KINGDOM IS TO CASTRATE OURSELVES, DRINK 28 00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:25,952 POISON AND THEN RIDE GOD'S COMET. 29 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:27,120 >> WHAT? 30 00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:29,622 UNFORTUNATELY, I OVERSLEPT THAT DAY, AND THEY WENT WITHOUT 31 00:01:29,689 --> 00:01:30,857 ME. 32 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,126 BUT I GUESS WHAT I REALLY WANTED TO SAY TO YOU AFTER ALL THESE 33 00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:37,130 YEARS APART IS, DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE TO LEARN ABOUT THE 34 00:01:37,197 --> 00:01:37,964 TEACHINGS OF Q Anon? 35 00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:49,409 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! 36 00:01:49,476 --> 00:02:00,787 TONIGHT, STEPHEN WELCOMES SARA PAULSON, AND KACEY MUSGRAVES. 37 00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:04,724 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN." 38 00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:08,828 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 39 00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:14,000 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 40 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:17,237 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( THEME SONG PLAYING ) 41 00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:22,208 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 42 00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:22,642 HEY! 43 00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:30,650 HOW ARE YOU? 44 00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:31,618 GOOD TO SEE YOU! 45 00:02:31,684 --> 00:02:33,086 GOOD TO SEE YOU. 46 00:02:33,152 --> 00:02:34,954 GOOD TO SEE YOU ALL. 47 00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:35,955 HELLO, FRIENDS. 48 00:02:36,022 --> 00:02:41,060 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: HEY! 49 00:02:41,127 --> 00:02:44,631 ( AUDIENCE CHANTING STEPHEN ) >> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY 50 00:02:44,697 --> 00:02:45,064 MUCH! 51 00:02:45,131 --> 00:02:45,932 HEY, EVERYBODY! 52 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,567 HEY, EVERYBODY OUT THERE! 53 00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:48,134 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 54 00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:49,802 WHAT A LOVELY EVENING. 55 00:02:49,869 --> 00:02:51,538 A BEAUTIFUL THURSDAY. 56 00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:52,572 WELCOME. 57 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,374 WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TO "THE LATE SHOW." 58 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:55,508 I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 59 00:02:55,575 --> 00:03:02,382 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE BIGGEST STORY TODAY IS THAT 60 00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:03,750 THE CORONAVIRUS REFUSES TO STOP BEING THE BIGGEST STORY EVERY 61 00:03:03,816 --> 00:03:06,386 DAY. 62 00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:08,821 THANKS TO DELTA, PANDEMIC NUMBERS ARE AS BAD AS THEY WERE 63 00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:14,994 BACK IN MARCH, AND THE ASSOCIATED PRESS ISN'T TAKING IT 64 00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:15,895 WELL. 65 00:03:15,962 --> 00:03:18,698 CHECK OUT THIS HEADLINE. 66 00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:27,907 "COVID-19 SURGE IN THE U.S.: THE SUMMER OF HOPE ENDS IN GLOOM." 67 00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:30,710 YOU ALL RIGHT, A.P.? 68 00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:34,714 THAT HEADLINE COULD USE SOME ZOLOFT, WITH AN ABILIFY CHASER. 69 00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:39,886 STILL NOT AS BAD AS THE "NEW YORK TIMES," WHO WENT WITH 70 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:45,892 "AH, ( BLEEP ) IT." 71 00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:50,697 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT STRUCK A NERVE. 72 00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:51,864 "AH, (/ BLEEP/ ) IT." 73 00:03:51,931 --> 00:03:53,900 AND THE MORE THE VIRUS SPREADS, THE MORE IT MUTATES, WHICH 74 00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:57,303 EXPERTS SAY COULD LEAD TO A POSSIBLE MONSTER COVID VARIANT. 75 00:03:57,370 --> 00:03:59,472 AND AS WE KNOW, A MONSTER VARIANT COULD CATCH ON IN A 76 00:03:59,539 --> 00:04:02,875 FLASH, AND THEN BECOME A GRAVEYARD SMASH. 77 00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:06,713 ( LAUGHTER ) THIS AFTERNOON, PRESIDENT BIDEN 78 00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:09,682 GAVE A SPEECH TO OUTLINE HIS PLAN TO CURB THE CORONAVIRUS. 79 00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:10,183 PLEASE! 80 00:04:10,249 --> 00:04:12,819 GET US OUT OF THIS! 81 00:04:12,885 --> 00:04:14,754 WE'VE BEEN IN THE PANDEMIC SO LONG, MY SOURDOUGH STARTER 82 00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:18,157 JUST GOT ITS LEARNER'S PERMIT. 83 00:04:18,224 --> 00:04:21,661 ( LAUGHTER ) AS PART OF HIS PLAN, BIDEN ALSO 84 00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:25,798 SIGNED AN EXECUTIVE ORDER REQUIRING ALL FEDERAL EMPLOYEES 85 00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:30,703 TO BE VACCINATED, WITHOUT ANY OPTION FOR REGULAR TESTING AS AN 86 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:31,671 ALTERNATIVE. 87 00:04:31,738 --> 00:04:34,707 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) GOOD! 88 00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:41,814 GOOD, I SAY! 89 00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:44,617 ( PIANO RIFF ) FINALLY, THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT 90 00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:50,690 HAS REACHED THE HIGH STANDARD OF "AUDIENCE FOR A COMEDY SHOW." 91 00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:52,492 ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 92 00:04:52,558 --> 00:04:54,027 VACCINATED HEROES. 93 00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:55,762 THESE ARE VACCINATED HEROES RIGHT HERE. 94 00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:58,898 IT'S NOT JUST GOVERNMENT WORKERS. 95 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,534 BIDEN ALSO ANNOUNCED A NEW OSHA RULE REQUIRES THAT LARGE 96 00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:03,903 EMPLOYERS MUST ENSURE WORKERS ARE EITHER FULLY VACCINATED OR 97 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:06,706 TESTED WEEKLY FOR COVID. 98 00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:09,909 YOU HEAR THAT, ANTI-VAXXERS? 99 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,345 OSHA'S COMIN' FOR YOU! 100 00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:15,915 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YEAH, OSHA! 101 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:20,253 YOU HEARD ME! 102 00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:25,224 THE TOUGH GUYS AT OSHA ARE FINALLY TREATING THE 103 00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:26,726 PLAGUE WITH THE SAME SERIOUSNESS AS NOT BEING ABLE TO STAND ON 104 00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:27,927 THE LAST RUNG OF A STEPLADDER. 105 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,697 APPARENTLY, YOU PUT ONE FOOT UP THERE, YOUR HEAD WILL SHEAR 106 00:05:30,763 --> 00:05:33,900 RIGHT OFF. 107 00:05:33,966 --> 00:05:38,004 IN HIS SPEECH, BIDEN SAID VACCINATED AMERICA'S PATIENCE 108 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:41,741 WAS RUNNING THIN WITH THE UNVACCINATED AND IT'S TIME FOR 109 00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:46,379 THEM TO STEP UP AND GET THEIR SHOTS. 110 00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:47,980 AMERICA HAS A PROUD HISTORY OF VACCINE MANDATES. 111 00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:49,215 DURING A SMALLPOX OUTBREAK IN 1777, GEORGE WASHINGTON REQUIRED 112 00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:50,316 HIS TROOPS TO BE IMMUNIZED. 113 00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:53,152 AND WHO CAN FORGET THE IMMORTAL WORDS OF PAUL REVERE: 114 00:05:53,219 --> 00:05:55,988 "ONE IF BY J&J TWO IF BY PFIZER. 115 00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:57,924 THE VARIANTS ARE COMING! 116 00:05:57,990 --> 00:06:04,530 THE VARIANTS ARE COMING!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 117 00:06:04,597 --> 00:06:05,598 I'M ANGRY! 118 00:06:05,665 --> 00:06:08,534 IVE HAD IT! 119 00:06:08,601 --> 00:06:11,537 GET ON YOUR HORSE! 120 00:06:11,604 --> 00:06:13,740 BUCK IT! 121 00:06:13,806 --> 00:06:17,543 ( LAUGHTER ) THERE IS SOME LIGHTER COVID NEWS 122 00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:21,280 OUT THERE, INVOLVING NEW ZEALAND PRIME MINISTER AND MY PERSONAL 123 00:06:21,347 --> 00:06:24,050 UBER DRIVER, JACINDA ARDERN. 124 00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:26,486 GLOBAL LEADERS HAVE HEARD PRETTY MUCH EVERY QUESTION ABOUT 125 00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:32,492 COVID-19, BUT THIS WEEK, ARDERN GOT A NEW ONE. 126 00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:35,795 >> THERE'S ALSO AN ALLEGATION OF SEXUAL RELATIONS BETWEEN A 127 00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:38,464 PATIENT AND A VISITOR AT AUCKLAND HOSPITAL. 128 00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:41,601 WOULD YOU SAY THAT THAT'S A HIGH-RISK ACTIVITY, IN THE 129 00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:44,470 CURRENT CLIMATE? 130 00:06:44,537 --> 00:06:48,241 >> STEPHEN: THEY HAVE SEX AT THE AUCKLAND HOSPITAL? 131 00:06:48,307 --> 00:06:53,045 MAN, WE'VE GOT TO GET SOCIALIZED MEDICINE. 132 00:06:53,112 --> 00:07:02,488 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 133 00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:04,257 YOU KNOW YOUR COUNTRY IS SMALL WHEN YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX WITHOUT 134 00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:06,726 THE PRIME MINISTER FINDING OUT ABOUT IT. 135 00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:07,593 (AS ARDERN) "SOMEONE HAD SEX IN THE 136 00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:07,994 HOSPITAL? 137 00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:08,494 OH, NO. 138 00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:09,262 WAS IT DAVID? 139 00:07:09,328 --> 00:07:13,332 FROM WELLINGTON? 140 00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:16,903 THAT SOUNDS LIKE DAVID." 141 00:07:16,969 --> 00:07:18,371 THE P.M. COLLECTED HER THOUGHTS, AND GAVE A VERY SENSIBLE 142 00:07:18,437 --> 00:07:20,473 RESPONSE: >> I WOULD SAY, GENERALLY, 143 00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:24,210 REGARDLESS OF THE COVID STATUS, THAT KIND OF THING SHOULDN'T 144 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:28,815 GENERALLY BE PART OF VISITING HOURS, I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT. 145 00:07:28,881 --> 00:07:29,282 >> Stephen: EXACTLY. 146 00:07:29,348 --> 00:07:30,850 I AGREE. 147 00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:33,219 SHE'S RIGHT ON TARGET. 148 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,487 A HOSPITAL IS NO PLACE FOR PATIENTS TO HAVE SEX. 149 00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:37,256 IT'S A PLACE FOR DOCTORS TO HAVE SEX. 150 00:07:37,323 --> 00:07:40,426 IN THE EXAM ROOM, IN THE ON-CALL ROOM, IN THE SUPPLY CLOSET, AND 151 00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:50,469 IN AN AMBULANCE IN A STORM. 152 00:07:50,536 --> 00:08:00,713 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FANS OF EITHER SEX OR DOCTORS, 153 00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:01,714 I'M NOT SURE. 154 00:08:01,781 --> 00:08:04,617 OF COURSE, NOT ALL AMERICANS ARE VACCINE DENIERS. 155 00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:05,751 SOME ARE ALSO ELECTION DENIERS. 156 00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:07,720 AND THE FEDS ARE STILL BUSY TRACKING DOWN THE JANUARY 6 157 00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:08,955 INSURRECTIONISTS. 158 00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:13,326 I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN TONIGHT'S "SEDITIONIST ROUND-UP 159 00:08:13,392 --> 00:08:14,427 ROUNDUP." 160 00:08:14,493 --> 00:08:18,297 ♪♪ >> MAN-YOU'RE SO GUILTY! 161 00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:20,233 ( APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: FIRST THROUGH THE 162 00:08:20,299 --> 00:08:24,770 SALOON DOORS OF JUSTICE, A MAN NAMED RUSSELL JAMES PETERSON, 163 00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:28,574 WHO PLEADED GUILTY AFTER HIS MOM BRAGGED ABOUT HIS CAPITOL RIOT 164 00:08:28,641 --> 00:08:29,642 ANTICS ON FACEBOOK. 165 00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:31,978 IT'S EVEN MORE EMBARRASSING THAN HER BUMPER STICKER: 166 00:08:32,044 --> 00:08:38,484 "MY SON IS A HONOR STUDENT WHO WANTS TO HANG MIKE PENCE." 167 00:08:38,551 --> 00:08:43,689 RUSSELL'S MOM, SHELLY, BRAGGED THAT HER SON "SAT IN PELOSI'S 168 00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:45,992 CHAIR." 169 00:08:46,058 --> 00:08:46,759 NOT MUCH OF A BRAG. 170 00:08:46,826 --> 00:08:47,693 (AS MOM) "OH, YOUR SON GOT INTO LAW 171 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:51,697 SCHOOL? 172 00:08:51,764 --> 00:08:58,905 WELL, MY SON IS LEARNING A GREAT DEAL ABOUT THE LAW RIGHT NOW." 173 00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:06,379 ( APPLAUSE ) NEXT UP IN THE ROUND-UP, WE'VE 174 00:09:06,445 --> 00:09:09,048 GOT ROBERTO MINUTA, A MEMBER OF THE WHITE SUPREMACIST 175 00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:11,017 ORGANIZATION "OATH KEEPERS," WHO SNITCHED ON HIMSELF TO AN F.B.I. 176 00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:15,755 AGENT DURING A TATTOO SESSION. 177 00:09:15,821 --> 00:09:19,725 I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS, BUT SOMEONE MADE A REGRETTABLE 178 00:09:19,792 --> 00:09:25,398 CHOICE AT A TATTOO PARLOR. 179 00:09:25,464 --> 00:09:29,168 ( APPLAUSE ) HE WAS ALREADY CAUGHT OR THIS IS 180 00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:29,936 ADDITIONAL. 181 00:09:30,002 --> 00:09:31,304 THIS WASN'T EVEN A STING OPERATION. 182 00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:34,907 MINUTA IS A TATTOO ARTIST, AND HE VOLUNTEERED THE INFORMATION 183 00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:39,745 ABOUT HIS CASE DURING THE 3.5 HOURS THAT THE OFF-DUTY FEDERAL 184 00:09:39,812 --> 00:09:40,947 OFFICER WAS GETTING TATTOOED. 185 00:09:41,013 --> 00:09:46,919 EVEN WORSE, HIS CONFESSION MADE ITS WAY INTO THE GUY'S INK. 186 00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:51,691 BUT MINUTA'S LAWYER IS TRYING TO GET THE CASE THROWN OUT, SAYING 187 00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:52,925 THE AGENT SHOULD'VE DISCLOSED HIS IDENTITY, AND THE 188 00:09:52,992 --> 00:09:56,295 CONVERSATION WASN'T A COOL WAY TO GET INFORMATION OUT OF HER 189 00:09:56,362 --> 00:09:58,931 CLIENT. 190 00:09:58,998 --> 00:10:00,099 POWERFUL LEGAL ARGUMENT. 191 00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:03,703 REMINDS ME OF THAT CLASSIC COURTROOM SCENE FROM "TO KILL A 192 00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:04,904 MOCKINGBIRD." 193 00:10:04,971 --> 00:10:15,181 >> IN THE NAME OF GOD-- NOT COOL, MAN. 194 00:10:15,247 --> 00:10:16,916 ( LAUGHTER ) SO GOOD. 195 00:10:16,983 --> 00:10:17,717 HE STRIKES YOU. 196 00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,719 HE GETS YOU EVERY TIME. 197 00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:23,723 >> Jon: ATTICUS KNOWS HOW TO DO IT, GET INTO IT. 198 00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:25,691 >> STEPHEN: NEXT SAD RODEO CLOWN: LONNIE LEROY COFFMAN, 199 00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:27,560 SEEN HERE TELLING THE COURT ARTIST, "MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THE 200 00:10:27,626 --> 00:10:31,697 MEAN GRANDPA IN A KIDS' BOOK ABOUT RACISM." 201 00:10:31,764 --> 00:10:34,900 COFFMAN IS SET TO PLEAD GUILTY AFTER BEING FOUND NEAR THE 202 00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:39,372 CAPITOL ON JANUARY 6 WITH A TRUCK LOADED WITH 11 HOMEMADE 203 00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:40,906 MOLOTOV-COCKTAIL-TYPE INCENDIARY DEVICES; A RIFLE, A SHOTGUN 204 00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:45,845 TWO 9 MILLIMETER PISTOLS A .22-CALIBER PISTOL, A 205 00:10:45,911 --> 00:10:52,752 CROSSBOW, SEVERAL MACHETES, A STUN GUN, AND SMOKE DEVICES. 206 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:59,725 ♪ AND SOME NUN-CHUCKS AND A BEAR TRAP. ♪ 207 00:10:59,792 --> 00:11:04,897 ("PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE") ( APPLAUSE ) 208 00:11:04,964 --> 00:11:07,700 MOST DANGEROUS OF ALL MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE JARS FULL OF GASOLINE 209 00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:11,237 AND MELTED PLASTIC FOAM TO PRODUCE A DANGEROUS, NAPALM-LIKE 210 00:11:11,303 --> 00:11:13,973 STICKY, FLAMMABLE LIQUID. 211 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,908 WHICH IS WHY HE'S ALSO BEING SUED FOR REVEALING THE RECIPE 212 00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:19,712 FOR JAEGERMEISTER. 213 00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:22,915 ( LAUGHTER ) IN SPORTS NEWS, MEN'S FOOTBALL 214 00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:23,816 IS BACK! 215 00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:25,951 TONIGHT WAS THE N.F.L.'S BIG SEASON OPENER. 216 00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:27,820 LET'S CHECK OUT THE LEAGUE'S OFFICIAL PROMO FOR THE MATCH-UP 217 00:11:27,887 --> 00:11:29,955 BETWEEN ALL-STARS TOM BRADY, DAK PRESCOTT AND... 218 00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:32,224 ED SHEERAN? 219 00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:33,959 ( LAUGHTER ) IS THIS THE N.F.L. KICKOFF OR A 220 00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:39,131 VERY SPECIAL EPISODE OF "FBOY ISLAND?" 221 00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:44,770 THE "F" STANDS FOR FOOTBALL! 222 00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:45,938 TURNS OUT, ED SHEERAN, A.K.A. 223 00:11:46,005 --> 00:11:48,974 "SOFT ROCK SAM GAMGEE," WAS THE HEADLINER FOR THE N.F.L.'S 224 00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:51,143 KICKOFF CONCERT, WHICH IS A BIT OF A WEIRD COLLAB. 225 00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:57,149 WE HAVEN'T SEEN A PAIRING LIKE THIS SINCE SUSAN BOYLE HEADLINED 226 00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:58,350 THE GATHERING OF THE JUGGALOS. 227 00:11:58,417 --> 00:12:01,854 SINCE SHEERAN KICKED OFF THE FOOTBALL GAME, IN RESPONSE, THE 228 00:12:01,921 --> 00:12:05,591 N.F.L.'S GOING TO JOIN HIM ON HIS TOUR. 229 00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:06,058 AND WE HAVE A PREVIEW. 230 00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:13,999 JIM? 231 00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:17,336 ♪♪ ♪ HALLELUJAH ♪ 232 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:18,804 ♪ YOU WERE AN ANGEL IN THE SHAPE OF MY -- ♪ 233 00:12:18,871 --> 00:12:21,474 OH! 234 00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:23,476 >> STEPHEN: WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT! 235 00:12:23,542 --> 00:12:27,046 MY GUESTS ARE SARAH PAULSON AND KACEY MUSGRAVES. 236 00:12:27,113 --> 00:12:29,882 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!" 237 00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:51,170 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 238 00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:52,771 WELCOME BACK! 239 00:12:52,838 --> 00:12:56,609 THAT'S JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN" RIGHT THERE! 240 00:12:56,675 --> 00:12:59,545 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 241 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:02,014 >> Jon: WHOO! 242 00:13:02,081 --> 00:13:02,515 WOO-HOO! 243 00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:03,816 >> Stephen: HEY! 244 00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:05,317 HELLO, JON. 245 00:13:05,384 --> 00:13:09,321 HELLO, EVERYBODY OVER THERE. 246 00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:10,789 MY GOODNESS. 247 00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:12,191 MY GOODNESS. 248 00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:13,359 JON, VERY EXCITED. 249 00:13:13,425 --> 00:13:15,027 SARA PAULSON IS ON HERE TONIGHT. 250 00:13:15,094 --> 00:13:16,262 >> Jon: YEAH. 251 00:13:16,328 --> 00:13:19,999 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: AWARD-WINNING, 252 00:13:20,065 --> 00:13:24,503 BRILLIANT, KNOCK-DOWN, DRAG-OUT BRILLIANT ACTRESS IS HERE AND 253 00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:28,707 ONE OF MY FAVORITE ARTISTS, KACEY MUSGRAVES, IS HERE 254 00:13:28,774 --> 00:13:32,111 TONIGHT, HAS A NEW DOCUMENTARY AND A NEW ALBUM. 255 00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:35,080 I CAN'T WAIT TO TALK TO HER. 256 00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:38,317 BUT IN THE MEANTIME, YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I SPEND A LOT 257 00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:39,952 OF TIME CRAFTING FOR YOU A BESPOKE PLAYLIST OF THE DAY'S 258 00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:41,453 BIGGEST STORIES, METICULOUSLY SELECTING THE MOST TOPICAL 259 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:45,024 CHAKRA-AFFIRMING SCENTED CANDLES, AND USING FENG SHUI TO 260 00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:48,494 PERFECTLY ALIGN THE JOKE ENERGY IN THE EXCLUSIVE BOUTIQUE YOGA 261 00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:49,762 RETREAT THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 262 00:13:49,828 --> 00:13:53,299 BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I GO TO THE DUMPSTER BEHIND THE 263 00:13:53,365 --> 00:13:56,468 WAFFLE HOUSE AT 3:00 IN THE MORNING, TAKE OFF MY SHIRT, 264 00:13:56,535 --> 00:13:58,370 COVER MYSELF IN USED FRY OIL, WRAP MY HANDS IN SOME OLD DUCT 265 00:13:58,437 --> 00:14:00,506 TAPE I STOLE FROM A BROKEN CAR WINDOW, THEN POUND A SIX-PACK OF 266 00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:05,311 BLUEBERRY HARD SELTZER AND A SACK OF PILLS I STOLE FROM A 267 00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:07,046 PARKED AMBULANCE, THEN ARM-WRESTLE A RACCOON IN THE 268 00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:12,518 BACK ALLEY VISION QUEST OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: 269 00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:25,297 "MEANWHILE!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 270 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:30,502 MEANWHILE, YOU MAY RECALL THAT EARLIER THIS YEAR, RAPPER LIL 271 00:14:30,569 --> 00:14:35,874 UZI VERT GOT A NEARLY 11-CARAT DIAMOND PIERCED INTO HIS 272 00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:37,042 FOREHEAD "WORTH $24 MILLION." 273 00:14:37,109 --> 00:14:41,213 OF COURSE, THE FOREHEAD IS A DELICATE AREA, SO THE DIAMOND 274 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,983 WAS IMPLANTED THROUGH A COMPLICATED MEDICAL PROCEDURE 275 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:48,520 KNOWN AS "HEAD-BUTTING A TROLL DOLL'S BELLY BUTTON." 276 00:14:48,587 --> 00:14:50,923 WELL, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS, BUT IT MAY HAVE 277 00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:53,292 BEEN A BAD IDEA, BECAUSE LIL UZI VERT SAYS HIS FOREHEAD DIAMOND 278 00:14:53,359 --> 00:14:57,296 GOT RIPPED OUT BY FANS. 279 00:14:57,363 --> 00:15:00,032 I'M GOING TO GO OUT ON A LIMB AND SAY: ONCE SOMEONE HAS TORN A 280 00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:04,970 PRECIOUS GEM OUT OF YOUR FACE, THEY NO LONGER COUNT AS A "FAN." 281 00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:06,538 "SORRY I'M LATE, THIS GUY ON THE SUBWAY PUNCHED ME IN THE EAR AND 282 00:15:06,605 --> 00:15:08,474 STOLE MY WALLET. 283 00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:09,308 WHAT CAN I SAY? 284 00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:18,517 PEOPLE LOVE MY WORK!" ( LAUGHTER ) 285 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,486 MEANWHILE, CAPYBARAS ARE WAGING CLASS WAR IN ARGENTINA. 286 00:15:20,552 --> 00:15:22,855 THESE GIANT RODENTS ARE WAGING CLASS WAR. 287 00:15:22,921 --> 00:15:24,757 KARL MARX PREDICTED IT: "THE RULING CLASS MAY OWN THE 288 00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:26,959 MEANS OF PRODUCTION, BUT THE PROLETARIAT OWNS THE GIANT PIG 289 00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:27,960 RATS! 290 00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:29,295 ATTACK, MY PRETTIES! 291 00:15:29,361 --> 00:15:33,832 ATTACK!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 292 00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:35,801 KIND OF CUTE. 293 00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:39,004 >> KIND OF CUTE. 294 00:15:39,071 --> 00:15:41,340 AND THIS IS NO MINOR INVASION. 295 00:15:41,407 --> 00:15:42,541 THIS IS A LOT OF RODENTS. 296 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,276 GIANT RODENTS. 297 00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:48,347 LOOK AT THOSE FLUFFY CRITTERS MARAUDING. 298 00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:51,650 THIS IS THE CUTEST, MOST TERRIFYING ANIMAL INVASION SINCE 299 00:15:51,717 --> 00:15:56,622 THE HITCHCOCK CLASSIC, "DIAL 'M' FOR MARMOT." 300 00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:59,425 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, TO CELEBRATE THOSE 301 00:15:59,491 --> 00:16:05,064 AFFLICTED WITH HAIR LOSS, THE FIRST EVER BALD FEST IS DUE TO 302 00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:05,631 TAKE PLACE IN NEW YORK CITY. 303 00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:06,532 WELL, THAT'S NICE. 304 00:16:06,598 --> 00:16:08,734 THAT'S LOVELY. 305 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,569 BUT TO BE CLEAR-- THERE'S ALREADY A BALD FEST. 306 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:16,208 IT'S CALLED "THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS" CAST PARTY. 307 00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:17,810 ( LAUGHTER ) WHEN WE COME BACK, AMERICA GETS 308 00:16:17,876 --> 00:16:20,212 A MESSAGE FROM A TREASURED CHILDHOOD FRIEND. 309 00:16:20,279 --> 00:16:21,313 STICK AROUND. 310 00:16:43,902 --> 00:16:45,204 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 311 00:16:45,270 --> 00:16:49,274 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 312 00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:52,044 WELCOME BACK! 313 00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:56,782 WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW" ALREADY IN PROGRESS. 314 00:16:56,849 --> 00:17:01,286 FOLKS, THAT SOFT SOUND YOU HAVE BEEN HEARING EVERYWHERE THIS 315 00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:07,459 WEEK IS THE INTERNET WEEPING BECAUSE 316 00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:08,827 STEVE, THE ORIGINAL HOST OF THE BELOVED CHILDREN'S SHOW "BLUE'S 317 00:17:08,894 --> 00:17:10,462 CLUES" DROPPED A VIDEO MESSAGE TO MILLENNIALS. 318 00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:12,498 NOW, I WAS A GROWN-UP IN THE LATE '90S, AND ALTHOUGH I WAS 319 00:17:12,564 --> 00:17:15,634 AWARE OF THE SHOW BECAUSE OF MY KIDS, THOSE KIDS ARE ALL GROWN 320 00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:19,705 UP AND MOVED AWAY NOW, SO OBVIOUSLY, I HAVE NO EMOTIONAL 321 00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:22,674 INVESTMENT IN STEVE. 322 00:17:22,741 --> 00:17:24,276 BUT, ALL RIGHT, FINE. 323 00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:24,843 WHAT'D HE SAY? 324 00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:33,452 >> HI, YOU GOT A SECOND? 325 00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:35,587 YOU REMEMBER HOW, WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER, WE USED TO RUN AROUND 326 00:17:35,654 --> 00:17:37,723 AND HANG OUT WITH BLUE AND FIND CLUES AND TALK TO MR. SALT AND 327 00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:40,459 FREAK OUT ABOUT THE MAIL AND DO ALL THE FUN STUFF? 328 00:17:40,526 --> 00:17:43,162 >> STEPHEN: I REMEMBER THAT. 329 00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:44,463 >> AND THEN ONE DAY, I WAS LIKE, "OH, HEY, GUESS WHAT? 330 00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:47,699 BIG NEWS-- I'M LEAVING. 331 00:17:47,766 --> 00:17:49,701 THIS IS MY BROTHER JOE, HE'S YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND." 332 00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:54,006 AND THEN I GOT ON A BUS AND I LEFT, AND WE DIDN'T SEE EACH 333 00:17:54,072 --> 00:17:55,707 OTHER FOR LIKE A REALLY LONG TIME? 334 00:17:55,774 --> 00:18:00,479 CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT THAT? 335 00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:01,713 >> STEPHEN: YEAH. 336 00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:04,383 LET'S TALK. 337 00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:05,317 WHERE'D YOU GO? 338 00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:11,657 >> I JUST KIND OF GOT UP AND WENT TO COLLEGE. 339 00:18:11,723 --> 00:18:16,361 AND THAT WAS REALLY CHALLENGING, BY THE WAY, BUT GREAT, BECAUSE I 340 00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:18,730 GOT TO USE MY MIND AND TAKE A STEP AT A TIME, AND NOW I 341 00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:21,967 LITERALLY AM DOING MANY OF THE THINGS THAT I WANTED TO DO. 342 00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:24,470 >> STEPHEN: WOW, I GUESS I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR NEEDS BACK 343 00:18:24,536 --> 00:18:25,737 THEN. 344 00:18:25,804 --> 00:18:27,739 I'M SORRY. 345 00:18:27,806 --> 00:18:28,474 I DIDN'T KNOW. 346 00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:30,943 GO ON. 347 00:18:31,009 --> 00:18:34,713 >> AND THEN, LOOK AT YOU AND LOOK AT ALL YOU HAVE DONE, AND 348 00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:37,749 ALL YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED IN ALL THAT TIME, AND IT'S JUST SO 349 00:18:37,816 --> 00:18:40,452 AMAZING, RIGHT? 350 00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:43,088 >> STEPHEN: I HAVE GROWN A LOT. 351 00:18:43,155 --> 00:18:44,556 I'M ON NETWORK NOW. 352 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:49,261 >> WE STARTED OUT WITH CLUES, AND NOW IT'S WHAT? 353 00:18:49,328 --> 00:18:56,568 STUDENT LOANS, AND JOBS, AND FAMILIES, AND SOME OF IT HAS 354 00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:59,404 BEEN KIND OF HARD, YOU KNOW? 355 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:00,672 >> STEPHEN: I KNOW. 356 00:19:00,739 --> 00:19:03,876 >> I GUESS I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, I 357 00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:04,576 NEVER FORGOT YOU. 358 00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:12,618 EVER. 359 00:19:12,684 --> 00:19:15,153 >> STEPHEN: I DIDN'T FORGET YOU, EITHER. 360 00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:19,424 >> AND I'M SUPER GLAD WE'RE STILL FRIENDS. 361 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:20,058 THANKS FOR LISTENING. 362 00:19:20,125 --> 00:19:24,563 >> STEPHEN: YOU'RE WELCOME. 363 00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:28,700 BUT LIKE I SAID -- LIKE I SAID, UM -- 364 00:19:28,767 --> 00:19:33,539 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) -- UH, YOU KNOW, NICE MESSAGE 365 00:19:33,605 --> 00:19:37,843 AND EVERYTHING, BUT THAT SHOW WAS FOR MY KIDS, AND I AM A MAN 366 00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:43,849 AND, BY DEFINITION, I FEEL NOTHING. 367 00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:48,554 >> ARE YOU SURE, STEPHEN? 368 00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:58,030 S ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 369 00:19:58,096 --> 00:20:00,566 >> STEPHEN: STEVE FROM "BLUES CLUES," WHO I'M NOT EMOTIONALLY 370 00:20:00,632 --> 00:20:03,201 INVESTED IN? 371 00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:04,570 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 372 00:20:04,636 --> 00:20:12,611 >> I JUST CAME TO SEE IF YOU'RE OKAY. 373 00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:13,612 YOU SEEM A LITTLE UPSET. 374 00:20:13,679 --> 00:20:16,848 I JUST WANTED TO KNOW MAYBE IF YOU WANTED A HUG. 375 00:20:16,915 --> 00:20:23,755 I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS DO, RIGHT? 376 00:20:23,822 --> 00:20:24,823 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) >> STEPHEN: I MEAN, IF YOU NEED 377 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:30,796 ONE OR WHATEVER. 378 00:20:30,862 --> 00:20:45,344 ( APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU, STEVE. 379 00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:46,011 >> THANK YOU, STEPHEN. 380 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:46,778 >> STEPHEN: WAIT A MINUTE.... 381 00:20:46,845 --> 00:20:48,080 IT'S A CLUE! 382 00:20:48,146 --> 00:20:50,449 >> GREAT JOB, STEPHEN! 383 00:20:50,515 --> 00:20:52,517 LET'S GO TELL BLUE! 384 00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:53,986 >> STEPHEN: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SARAH PAULSON. 385 00:20:54,052 --> 00:20:54,553 LET'S GO! 386 00:21:19,578 --> 00:21:20,312 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 387 00:21:20,379 --> 00:21:22,180 WELCOME BACK! 388 00:21:22,247 --> 00:21:26,184 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) JON, WHAT'S THAT SONG? 389 00:21:26,251 --> 00:21:30,188 >> Jon: "HAPPY JOE." 390 00:21:30,255 --> 00:21:32,958 IT'S CALLED "HAPPY JOE." 391 00:21:33,025 --> 00:21:34,259 HE SWINGS AND HE GETS HAPPY. 392 00:21:34,326 --> 00:21:37,029 >> Stephen: IS THAT AN ORIGINAL? 393 00:21:37,095 --> 00:21:37,796 >> Jon: YES. 394 00:21:37,863 --> 00:21:38,964 >> Stephen: WOW, THAT'S FANTASTIC. 395 00:21:39,031 --> 00:21:39,831 >> Jon: FROM SEASON ONE. 396 00:21:39,898 --> 00:21:41,833 >> Stephen: FROM SEASON ONE OF THE SHOW. 397 00:21:41,900 --> 00:21:45,771 >> Jon: BRINGING IT BACK FROM SEASON 7. 398 00:21:45,837 --> 00:21:50,042 >> Stephen: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY YESTERDAY. 399 00:21:50,108 --> 00:21:55,947 YESTERDAY WAS THE 6 6th ANNIVERSARY OF THE SHOW. 400 00:21:56,014 --> 00:21:57,516 WHAT A LONG STRETCH IT'S BEEN. 401 00:21:57,582 --> 00:22:01,019 >> Jon: COULDN'T HAVE PREDICTED THAT ONE. 402 00:22:01,086 --> 00:22:02,220 MY FIRST GUEST IS THE EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW 403 00:22:02,287 --> 00:22:05,357 FROM "AMERICAN HORROR STORY," "RATCHED," AND "MRS. AMERICA." 404 00:22:05,424 --> 00:22:10,162 SHE NOW STARS IN "IMPEACHMENT: AMERICAN CRIME STORY." 405 00:22:10,228 --> 00:22:13,565 >> I HAVE TO SAY, YOU'RE SUCH A KNOCKOUT. 406 00:22:13,632 --> 00:22:18,503 I ASSUMED YOU WOULD BE DATING SOME BILLING D.C. PLAYER. 407 00:22:18,570 --> 00:22:19,538 >> UM -- >> Stephen: WHAT? 408 00:22:19,604 --> 00:22:20,439 I'M NOT DATING. 409 00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:22,307 >> Stephen: WHY NOT? 410 00:22:22,374 --> 00:22:23,108 I'M KIND OF IN SOMETHING. 411 00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:25,644 >> Stephen: AND YET YOU FEEL LONELY. 412 00:22:25,711 --> 00:22:27,245 >> YES, AFFIRMATIVE. 413 00:22:27,312 --> 00:22:29,748 >> Stephen: WELL, THAT'S NO GOOD. 414 00:22:29,815 --> 00:22:35,854 TELL ME ABOUT HIM. 415 00:22:35,921 --> 00:22:37,923 >> IT'S JUST HE'S UNAVAILABLE. 416 00:22:37,989 --> 00:22:41,460 >> Stephen: SOMEONE LONG DISTANCE? 417 00:22:41,526 --> 00:22:44,429 SOMEONE FROM WORK? 418 00:22:44,496 --> 00:22:49,334 SOMEONE IMPORTANT. 419 00:22:49,401 --> 00:22:53,138 IS THAT WHY THEY SENT YOU HERE? 420 00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:55,640 >> WE SHOULD GET BACK, RIGHT? 421 00:22:55,707 --> 00:22:59,177 >> STEPHEN: PLEASE WELCOME SARAH PAULSON! 422 00:22:59,244 --> 00:23:09,221 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> HI. 423 00:23:09,287 --> 00:23:15,627 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> HI. 424 00:23:32,177 --> 00:23:33,111 >> Stephen: HI. 425 00:23:33,178 --> 00:23:35,180 LOVELY TO SEE YOU. 426 00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:37,516 >> LOVELY TO SEE YOU, TOO. 427 00:23:37,582 --> 00:23:38,450 I'M OUT OF BREATH. 428 00:23:38,517 --> 00:23:40,352 >> Stephen: YOU WERE PLAYING AIR EVERYTHING. 429 00:23:40,418 --> 00:23:43,188 >> TRYING TO DO WHAT JON DOES WHICH IS NOT EASY. 430 00:23:43,255 --> 00:23:47,159 >> Stephen: WE HAD YOUR LOVELY PARTNER HOLLAND TAIFERL ON. 431 00:23:47,225 --> 00:23:49,060 >> SHE HAD A GREAT TIME. 432 00:23:49,127 --> 00:23:50,996 SHE WAS NERVES. 433 00:23:51,062 --> 00:23:52,631 >> Stephen: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 434 00:23:52,697 --> 00:23:58,270 >> SHE'S A PRO BUT SHE GETS NERVOUS. 435 00:23:58,336 --> 00:23:59,304 I'M REALLY WINDED. 436 00:23:59,371 --> 00:24:03,175 >> Stephen: CAN WE GET HER AN OXYGEN TANK, PLEASE? 437 00:24:03,241 --> 00:24:03,742 >> I'M OKAY. 438 00:24:03,809 --> 00:24:04,910 WHAT WAS YOUR QUESTION? 439 00:24:04,976 --> 00:24:07,879 >> Stephen: HAVE YOU RECENTLY BEEN TESTED FOR COVID IS MY 440 00:24:07,946 --> 00:24:09,581 QUESTION. 441 00:24:09,648 --> 00:24:10,715 >> YES. 442 00:24:10,782 --> 00:24:12,818 >> Stephen: YOU REALIZE WE'RE NOT SEEING SYMPTOMS HERE. 443 00:24:12,884 --> 00:24:15,287 >> NO, THIS MORNING. 444 00:24:15,353 --> 00:24:17,088 >> Stephen: YOU'RE FINE. 445 00:24:17,155 --> 00:24:18,857 TEMPERATURE'S OKAY FOR NOW. 446 00:24:18,924 --> 00:24:23,728 >> Stephen: I WAS GOING TO SAY YOU GUYS ARE GLAM, GLAM, GLAM, 447 00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:24,963 CELEBRITY POWER COUPLE. 448 00:24:25,030 --> 00:24:27,499 WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE -- HAVE YOU ACCEPTED YOUR ROLE AS A 449 00:24:27,566 --> 00:24:28,900 CELEBRITY POWER COUPLE? 450 00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:33,305 >> NO, BECAUSE ALL WE DO IS SIT AROUND THE SWEAT PANTS AND WATCH 451 00:24:33,371 --> 00:24:33,905 TEFERLINGS. 452 00:24:33,972 --> 00:24:34,940 WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE. 453 00:24:35,006 --> 00:24:38,710 ARE YOU GOING ANYWHERE BESIDES HERE? 454 00:24:38,777 --> 00:24:43,114 >> Stephen: I GO HERE AND HOME TO THE REFRIGERATOR AND GET ICE 455 00:24:43,181 --> 00:24:43,481 CREAM. 456 00:24:43,548 --> 00:24:44,583 >> CORRECT. 457 00:24:44,649 --> 00:24:46,051 THAT SOUNDS WHAT I'M DOING ON AN AVERAGE SUNDAY NIGHT. 458 00:24:46,117 --> 00:24:48,987 >> Stephen: YOU'RE NOW PLAYING LINDA TRIPP. 459 00:24:49,054 --> 00:24:50,222 >> OH, GOD, YES. 460 00:24:50,288 --> 00:24:54,693 >> Stephen: I DON'T WANT TO TAKE THIS FOE TO OUT YET BECAUSE 461 00:24:54,759 --> 00:24:55,694 IT'S SO GOOD. 462 00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:58,697 THIS IS THE RAMIFICATIONS OF PLAYING LINDA TRIPP. 463 00:24:58,763 --> 00:24:59,898 >> YEAH. 464 00:24:59,965 --> 00:25:02,000 >> Stephen: YOU SAY THIS IS THE HARDEST ACTING ROLE OF YOUR 465 00:25:02,067 --> 00:25:03,101 ENTIRE LIFE. 466 00:25:03,168 --> 00:25:06,404 WHAT MAKES IT SO HARD TO PLAY LYNN TRAY TRIP? 467 00:25:06,471 --> 00:25:08,073 >> SO MANY THINGS. 468 00:25:08,139 --> 00:25:11,810 CHIEFLY, ANYTIME YOU DECIDE TO PLAY A PERSON FOR WHOM MANY 469 00:25:11,877 --> 00:25:19,651 PEOPLE HAVE A LOT OF SCORN FOR -- SHE'S SORT OF DETESTED, 470 00:25:19,718 --> 00:25:24,623 SHE'S THOUGHT OF AS SORT OF A HATEFUL WOMAN, WHO I WOULD ARGUE 471 00:25:24,689 --> 00:25:29,060 NOT A HATEFUL WOMAN BUT A WOMAN WHO DID LATEFUL THINGS, AND I 472 00:25:29,127 --> 00:25:33,131 THINK THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PERSON WHO IS 473 00:25:33,198 --> 00:25:35,200 WORTHLESS AND ONE WHO MADE TERRIBLE MISTAKES. 474 00:25:35,267 --> 00:25:38,270 I'M NOT SANCTIONING THE BEHAVIOR, KIDS, I'M SIMPLY 475 00:25:38,336 --> 00:25:41,573 SAYING THAT WHEN I DECIDED TO DO IT, I HAD TO FIND A WAY TO 476 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:45,076 UNDERSTAND THE CHOICES SHE MADE AND, IN PURSUING THAT, I FOUND 477 00:25:45,143 --> 00:25:48,380 THINGS ABOUT HER THAT I FOUND WERE QUITE REDEEMABLE. 478 00:25:48,446 --> 00:25:52,951 >> Stephen: REMIND THE PEOPLE WHO MAY NOT REMEMBER THE LATE 479 00:25:53,018 --> 00:25:56,054 90s, WHAT WAS HER INVOLVEMENT IN THE SCANDAL? 480 00:25:56,121 --> 00:25:59,224 >> LINDA TRIPP IS ESSENTIALLY THE LYNCH PIN. 481 00:25:59,291 --> 00:26:07,565 SHE IS WHY WE KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WITH MONICA LEWINSKY AND BILL 482 00:26:07,632 --> 00:26:08,733 CLINTON. 483 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:12,270 SHE TAPED THESE CONVERSATIONS AND TURNED THEM OVER TO KEN 484 00:26:12,337 --> 00:26:13,138 STARR. 485 00:26:13,204 --> 00:26:16,675 >> Stephen: AND HER MOTIVATION WERE WHAT? 486 00:26:16,741 --> 00:26:18,376 >> HER MOTIVES WERE COMPLICATED. 487 00:26:18,443 --> 00:26:22,180 THEY COME OUT IN EPISODE 10 SO I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU KNOW. 488 00:26:22,247 --> 00:26:26,284 BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY, LINDA BELIEVED SHE WAS GOING SOMETHING 489 00:26:26,351 --> 00:26:29,888 GOOD FOR MONICA WHO COULD NOT GET OFF THIS LOOP ABOUT THE 490 00:26:29,955 --> 00:26:32,691 PRESIDENT AND HER RELATIONSHIP, AND, ALSO, SHE WAS SO DISGUSTED 491 00:26:32,757 --> 00:26:38,196 WITH WHAT BILL CLINTON WAS DOING WITH THIS YOUNG INTERN. 492 00:26:38,263 --> 00:26:40,665 >> Stephen: SHE'S IN GOOD COMPANY THERE. 493 00:26:40,732 --> 00:26:43,835 >> IT'S AN ABUSE OF POWER IN A LOT OF WAYS. 494 00:26:43,902 --> 00:26:48,573 >> Stephen: PERHAPS THE MOST FAMOUS ABUSE OF POWER IN A 495 00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:49,908 WORKPLACE EVER. 496 00:26:49,975 --> 00:26:53,111 >> AND PERHAPS LINDA FELT THE PRESIDENCY WAS NOT BEING TREATED 497 00:26:53,178 --> 00:26:53,845 WITH ENOUGH RESPECT. 498 00:26:53,912 --> 00:26:56,614 >> Stephen: YOU BROKE YOUR WRIST. 499 00:26:56,681 --> 00:27:02,220 >> YES, I -- >> Stephen: WHY. 500 00:27:02,287 --> 00:27:05,957 I HAVE A SNEAKING SUSPICION IT WAS THE GHOST OF LINDA TRIPP 501 00:27:06,024 --> 00:27:08,626 BECAUSE I FELL UP THE STAIRS AND I THINK -- YEAH, UP THEM. 502 00:27:08,693 --> 00:27:10,562 >> Stephen: YES. 503 00:27:10,628 --> 00:27:11,963 NOT LIKE, OOOH, DOWN! 504 00:27:12,030 --> 00:27:17,402 NO, JUST WALKING UP SOME AVERAGE STAIRS AND BROKE MY WRIST, AND I 505 00:27:17,469 --> 00:27:23,241 ALSO, THE FIRST SCREENING WE HAD OF "IMPEACHMENT" HERE IN 506 00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:25,910 NEW YORK I TRIPPED ON THE RED CARPET GOING TO TAKE MY PICTURE 507 00:27:25,977 --> 00:27:29,447 AND I SAID, THIS IS STARTING TO GET WEIRD. 508 00:27:29,514 --> 00:27:30,782 LINDA TRIPP IS TRIPPING ME. 509 00:27:30,849 --> 00:27:34,819 I THINK THE SHOW JUST CAME ON, IT WAS ON FOR THE FIRST TIME TWO 510 00:27:34,886 --> 00:27:35,987 NIGHTS AGO. 511 00:27:36,054 --> 00:27:38,556 SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS GOING TO BE AND UNTIL SHE KNEW 512 00:27:38,623 --> 00:27:41,726 SHE HAD DECIDED SHE HAD TO MAYBE TAKE ME DOWN. 513 00:27:41,793 --> 00:27:45,830 >> Stephen: EVEN THOUGH LINDA TRIPP IS NO LONGER WITH US, BUT 514 00:27:45,897 --> 00:27:48,633 IN HEAVEN YOU CANNOT SEE TV BEFORE IT'S BROADCAST? 515 00:27:48,700 --> 00:27:49,667 >> YOU CANNOT. 516 00:27:49,734 --> 00:27:52,103 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: NOW, NOT THE FIRST 517 00:27:52,170 --> 00:27:57,809 TIME YOU'VE PLAYED A FAMOUS HISTORICAL FIGURE. 518 00:27:57,876 --> 00:28:03,615 YOU PLAYED MARSHA CLARK IN THE O.J. SIMPSON STORY. 519 00:28:03,681 --> 00:28:05,550 ( APPLAUSE ) >> I'LL TAKE IT WHEREVER I CAN 520 00:28:05,617 --> 00:28:06,718 GET IT. 521 00:28:06,785 --> 00:28:09,954 >> Stephen: HOW FAR DO YOU GO TO GET AN HISTORICAL FIGURE 522 00:28:10,021 --> 00:28:11,189 RIGHT? 523 00:28:11,256 --> 00:28:15,026 >> WELL, WITH LINDA, UNLIKE WITH MARSHA, THERE WAS SO MUCH TAPE 524 00:28:15,093 --> 00:28:18,897 OF LINDA WALKING OUT OF HER HOME, SO I WAS ABLE TO REALLY 525 00:28:18,963 --> 00:28:23,334 STUDY THE WALK WHICH WAS A VERY SPECIFIC WALK, ENDLESS TAPES OF 526 00:28:23,401 --> 00:28:26,071 HER WALKING OUT OF HER HOUSE. 527 00:28:26,137 --> 00:28:31,376 WITH MARSHA, IT WAS STUFF I COULD SEE IN THE COURTROOM. 528 00:28:31,443 --> 00:28:33,812 SO I NEVER GOT HER IN HER NORMAL LIFE. 529 00:28:33,878 --> 00:28:40,685 BUT I DID A DEEP DIVE AND TRIED TO FIGURE OUT WHAT PERFUME 530 00:28:40,752 --> 00:28:42,654 MARSHA WORE IN THE TRIAL. 531 00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:46,091 THE ODOR, WHAT WAS IT DOING WHEN SHE WAS GETTING UPSET AND HOT 532 00:28:46,157 --> 00:28:49,661 AND THE FRAGRANCE FLYING OFF HER WRIST IN A DIFFERENT WAY, I 533 00:28:49,727 --> 00:28:50,929 DON'T KNOW. 534 00:28:50,995 --> 00:28:54,232 I FOUND OUT FROM A MUTUAL FRIEND WHAT THE PERFUME WAS AND DECIDED 535 00:28:54,299 --> 00:29:00,004 TO GO TO PERFUME WEB SITES TO DETERMINE -- BECAUSE APPARENTLY 536 00:29:00,071 --> 00:29:01,372 PERFUMES HAVE DIFFERENT ITERATIONS. 537 00:29:01,439 --> 00:29:06,344 SO THE PERFUME SHE WORE BACK THEN -- ARE YOU BORED? 538 00:29:06,411 --> 00:29:06,945 >> NO. 539 00:29:07,011 --> 00:29:08,746 ARE YOU REALLY INTERESTED? 540 00:29:08,813 --> 00:29:11,483 ( LAUGHTER ) THERE IS LIKE A CHUTE 541 00:29:11,549 --> 00:29:14,052 ROOMPERFUME MESSAGE BOARD THAT YOU CAN GO TO AND THEY TALK 542 00:29:14,119 --> 00:29:17,288 ABOUT THE DIFFERENT ITERATIONS OF THE PERFUMES AND THE 2000 543 00:29:17,355 --> 00:29:23,862 VERSION WAS NOT AS GOOD AS THE '98 VERSION. 544 00:29:23,928 --> 00:29:28,633 I FOUND THE VERSION SHE WORE AND IT SMELLED LIKE A BOTTLE OF PEA. 545 00:29:28,700 --> 00:29:29,767 IT WAS BAD. 546 00:29:29,834 --> 00:29:35,173 I TALKED ABOUT THIS IN A DESCRIPTION OF THE SHOW AND SHE 547 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:43,681 WASN'T HAPPY WITH MY DESCRIPTION. 548 00:29:43,748 --> 00:29:46,518 MARSHA DECIDED TO GO BUY THE SAME ONE I HAD TO SEE WHAT IT 549 00:29:46,584 --> 00:29:49,787 WAS AND SHE ALSO GOT IT ON EBAY AND SHE TOO THOUGHT IT 550 00:29:49,854 --> 00:29:53,358 SMELLED LIKE A BOTTLE OF PEA AND TURNED OUT THE PERFUME HAD 551 00:29:53,424 --> 00:29:54,492 TURNED. 552 00:29:54,559 --> 00:29:55,593 SO I WAS WEARING TURNED BAD PERFUME BUT MY COMMITMENT TO 553 00:29:55,660 --> 00:30:02,433 MARSHA WAS SO STRONG THAT I WAS WILLING TO -- 554 00:30:02,500 --> 00:30:04,969 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THIS IS YOUR 555 00:30:05,036 --> 00:30:07,438 COMMITMENT TO LINDA TRIPP HERE. 556 00:30:07,505 --> 00:30:09,340 TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED HERE. 557 00:30:09,407 --> 00:30:12,544 >> SO LINDA HAD A VERY DIFFERENT EYEBROW SHAPE THAN I DID. 558 00:30:12,610 --> 00:30:14,312 IT WAS KIND OF DRAWN ON. 559 00:30:14,379 --> 00:30:19,817 THE ONLY WAY TO DO WAS WIPE OUT MY OWN EYEBROWS AND I HAD TO 560 00:30:19,884 --> 00:30:22,420 BLEACH AND SHAVE THEM TO NOTHINGNESS. 561 00:30:22,487 --> 00:30:24,589 I WALKED AROUND LIKE THIS ABOUT A YEAR. 562 00:30:24,656 --> 00:30:26,925 ETH NOT A GREAT LOOK, GUYS. 563 00:30:26,991 --> 00:30:29,594 >> Stephen: THIS IS -- ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) 564 00:30:29,661 --> 00:30:31,729 >> DO YOU SEE THE AMOUNT OF DISTANCE YOU CAN TRAVEL FROM 565 00:30:31,796 --> 00:30:34,365 HERE TO THE TOP OF THE HEAD IS REALLY INTENSE. 566 00:30:34,432 --> 00:30:35,700 >> Stephen: IT'S A SEVERE LOOK. 567 00:30:35,767 --> 00:30:39,771 >> YOU NEED YOUR BROWS AS A MID-LINE POINT ESPECIALLY IF YOU 568 00:30:39,837 --> 00:30:41,306 HAVE A LARGE FOREHEAD. 569 00:30:41,372 --> 00:30:43,208 >> Stephen: JUST TO BREAK UP THE TRIP. 570 00:30:43,274 --> 00:30:45,210 >> BREAK UP THE TRIP TO THE TOP OF THE HEAD. 571 00:30:45,276 --> 00:30:46,611 >> Stephen: JIM, PUT IT BACK UP THERE. 572 00:30:46,678 --> 00:30:51,082 WE KNOW WHICH PERSON IS THE AIL JEN PRETENDING TO BE HUMAN 573 00:30:51,149 --> 00:30:56,554 BECAUSE THEY FORGOT THAT WE HAVE EYEBROWS. 574 00:30:56,621 --> 00:30:57,355 >> THEY FORGOT. 575 00:30:57,422 --> 00:30:59,290 >> Stephen: BUT THEY LOOK FANTASTIC. 576 00:30:59,357 --> 00:31:00,158 >> THEY'RE PAINTED ON. 577 00:31:00,225 --> 00:31:02,994 >> Stephen: THIS IS VERY JOAN CRAWFORD. 578 00:31:03,061 --> 00:31:04,963 >> BRING ME ALL THE PUPPIES. 579 00:31:05,029 --> 00:31:05,863 YES, EXACTLY. 580 00:31:05,930 --> 00:31:07,198 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 581 00:31:07,265 --> 00:31:11,836 COME BACK WHEN WE RETURN I'LL ASK SARAH WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO 582 00:31:11,903 --> 00:31:15,039 HAVE MONICA LEWINSKY TO BE ONE OF THE PRODUCERS OF THE SERIES. 583 00:31:15,106 --> 00:31:15,573 STICK AROUND. 584 00:31:41,966 --> 00:31:42,767 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 585 00:31:42,834 --> 00:31:44,669 WE'RE BACK! 586 00:31:44,736 --> 00:31:49,841 WE ARE BACK HERE AT "THE LATE SHOW" ON CBS, 11:35 MONDAY 587 00:31:49,907 --> 00:31:50,908 THROUGH THURSDAY. 588 00:31:50,975 --> 00:31:57,215 WE'RE BACK WITH THE STAR "IMPEACHMENT: AMERICAN CRIME 589 00:31:57,282 --> 00:31:58,283 STORY." 590 00:31:58,349 --> 00:32:00,218 SARA PAULSON, MONICA LEWINSKY IS A PRODUCER ON THIS. 591 00:32:00,285 --> 00:32:01,286 >> YES. 592 00:32:01,352 --> 00:32:02,487 >> Stephen: A, WHAT'S IT LIKE TO HAVE HER ON SET -- 593 00:32:02,553 --> 00:32:08,192 >> SHE WAS NOT ON SET WHILE WE WERE PLAYING THESE THINGS OUT. 594 00:32:08,259 --> 00:32:14,432 SHE WAS ON COUNTLESS MEETINGS AND DID REAL NOTES ON ALL THE 595 00:32:14,499 --> 00:32:15,600 SCRIPTS. 596 00:32:15,667 --> 00:32:19,203 NOBODY IN THIS PRODUCTION WANTED TO DO IT WITHOUT MONICA'S 597 00:32:19,270 --> 00:32:20,371 INVOLVEMENT. 598 00:32:20,438 --> 00:32:24,942 IT DIDN'T SEEM THE RIGHT TO THING TO DO TO TELL HER STORY 599 00:32:25,009 --> 00:32:26,177 WITHOUT -- ( APPLAUSE ) 600 00:32:26,244 --> 00:32:29,547 MONICA IS AN INCREDIBLE WOMAN, SELF-EFFACING, SMART, WITTY AND 601 00:32:29,614 --> 00:32:33,117 ALSO I THINK VERY BRAVE AND WILLING TO PUT SOME OF HER MOST 602 00:32:33,184 --> 00:32:36,654 EMBARRASSING MOMENTS AS A YOUNG WOMAN OUT THERE AGAIN TO BE 603 00:32:36,721 --> 00:32:40,124 REHANDWASH AND JUDGED AND TALKED ABOUT ALL OVER THE INTERNET. 604 00:32:40,191 --> 00:32:43,361 >> Stephen: WELL, IT WAS LOVELY TO HAVE YOU ON AGAIN. 605 00:32:43,428 --> 00:32:44,062 >> THAT'S IT? 606 00:32:44,128 --> 00:32:45,330 I FEEL LIKE THAT WAS TOO SHORT. 607 00:32:45,396 --> 00:32:47,865 >> Stephen: WE CAN KEEP TALKING. 608 00:32:47,932 --> 00:32:49,000 >> OKAY. 609 00:32:49,067 --> 00:32:51,135 >> Stephen: WE CAN KEEP TALKING BUT THAT CAMERA'S GOING 610 00:32:51,202 --> 00:32:51,903 TO GO OFF. 611 00:32:51,969 --> 00:32:53,538 BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE. 612 00:32:53,604 --> 00:32:55,440 >> IF THEY'RE NOT TAPING IT. 613 00:32:55,506 --> 00:32:57,041 I DON'T NEED TO BE HERE ANYMORE. 614 00:32:57,108 --> 00:32:58,710 >> Stephen: OH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. 615 00:32:58,776 --> 00:33:01,979 BACK HOME, BACK TO THE SWEAT PANTSZ AND THE ICE CREAM. 616 00:33:02,046 --> 00:33:05,283 >> AND THE PIZZA. 617 00:33:05,350 --> 00:33:06,651 >> Stephen: FETCH FETCH AIRS TUESDAYS ON FX. 618 00:33:06,718 --> 00:33:07,919 SARAH PAULSON, EVERYBODY! 619 00:33:07,985 --> 00:33:10,355 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH GRAMMY AWARD-WINNING ARTIST 620 00:33:10,421 --> 00:33:11,989 KACEY MUSGRAVES. 621 00:33:17,595 --> 00:33:20,064 >> WE'VE GOT THE RECALL ELECTION COMING UP IN LESS THAN A WEEK. 622 00:33:20,131 --> 00:33:21,666 WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS IN CALIFORNIA. 623 00:33:21,733 --> 00:33:22,934 >> IT'S PROBABLY RIGGED. 624 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:24,936 ONE THING THEY'RE GOOD AT IS A RIGGED ELECTION. 625 00:33:25,002 --> 00:33:27,305 SO I THINK IT'S A RIGGED ELECTION. 626 00:33:27,372 --> 00:33:28,773 >> GREAT PUMPED UP SPEECH. 627 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,642 NOTHING LIKE TELLING THE TEAM THE GAME'S ALREADY LOST. 628 00:33:31,709 --> 00:33:32,910 ZERO POINT SHOWING UP. 629 00:33:32,977 --> 00:33:35,613 ANYONE WHO DOES IS A FOOL. 630 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:38,383 LET'S GO OUT THERE AND SUCCUMB TO THE INEVITABLE! 631 00:33:38,449 --> 00:33:38,983 AAAHHH! 632 00:34:02,206 --> 00:34:04,075 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 633 00:34:04,142 --> 00:34:05,309 WELCOME BACK! 634 00:34:05,376 --> 00:34:08,045 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 635 00:34:08,112 --> 00:34:12,316 -- MY NEXT GUEST TONIGHT IS A SIX-TIME 636 00:34:12,383 --> 00:34:13,885 GRAMMY AWARD-WINNING SINGER AND SONGWRITER. 637 00:34:13,951 --> 00:34:16,521 HER NEW ALBUM IS "STAR-CROSSED." 638 00:34:16,587 --> 00:34:21,092 PLEASE WELCOME KACEY MUSGRAVES! 639 00:34:21,159 --> 00:34:31,135 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 640 00:34:31,202 --> 00:34:36,874 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 641 00:34:36,941 --> 00:34:38,976 >> Stephen: NICE TO HAVE YOU BACK. 642 00:34:39,043 --> 00:34:40,411 >> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. 643 00:34:40,478 --> 00:34:44,182 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE BEEN ON THE SHOW A COUPLE OF TIMES 644 00:34:44,248 --> 00:34:44,582 BEFORE. 645 00:34:44,649 --> 00:34:45,817 >> I HAVE. 646 00:34:45,883 --> 00:34:49,320 >> Stephen: THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE'VE HAD A CHANCE TO TALK. 647 00:34:49,387 --> 00:34:53,224 I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING THE NEW ALBUM "STAR-CROSSED" 648 00:34:53,291 --> 00:34:55,393 WHICH DROPS TOMORROW. 649 00:34:55,460 --> 00:34:56,260 >> YES. 650 00:34:56,327 --> 00:34:59,664 >> Stephen: IT'S AN INTERESTING OLD TERM 651 00:34:59,730 --> 00:35:00,097 STAR-CROSSED. 652 00:35:00,164 --> 00:35:01,032 >> THAT'S RIGHT. 653 00:35:01,098 --> 00:35:03,634 >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY STAR-CROSSED? 654 00:35:03,701 --> 00:35:04,836 >> IT'S ILL FATED. 655 00:35:04,902 --> 00:35:11,142 YOU ARE DOOMED BY THE STARS, YOU ARE ( BLEEP ) CELESTIALLY. 656 00:35:11,209 --> 00:35:17,715 THERE IS A ROLLERCOASTER OF EMOTION ON THIS AND THE FILM IS 657 00:35:17,782 --> 00:35:18,549 A WILD RIDE. 658 00:35:18,616 --> 00:35:22,587 >> Stephen: THE FILM IS ON PARAMOUNT+. 659 00:35:22,653 --> 00:35:24,188 CAN YOU TELL US WHAT'S HAPPENING? 660 00:35:24,255 --> 00:35:27,825 >> IT'S A VISUAL FILM THAT GOES WITH THE ALBUBBLE AND IS SET IN 661 00:35:27,892 --> 00:35:29,060 THREE ACTS AS WELL. 662 00:35:29,126 --> 00:35:34,599 IT WAS INCREDIBLE TO MAKE, AND THIS SCENE THAT YOU'RE GOING TO 663 00:35:34,665 --> 00:35:36,601 WATCH IS KIND OF THE OPENING SCENE. 664 00:35:36,667 --> 00:35:41,906 IT KICKS OFF THE JOURNEY AND IS A WICKED, TWISTED ROAD. 665 00:35:41,973 --> 00:35:44,876 THERE MAY OR MAY NOT BE A DECAPITATION AT SOME POINT IN 666 00:35:44,942 --> 00:35:45,443 THE FILM. 667 00:35:45,510 --> 00:35:46,210 I DON'T KNOW. 668 00:35:46,277 --> 00:35:47,979 YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CATCH IT. 669 00:35:48,045 --> 00:35:53,784 >> Stephen: JIM? 670 00:35:53,851 --> 00:35:59,223 ♪ WHAT HAVE WE DONE ♪ DID WE FLY TOO HIGH JUST TO GET 671 00:35:59,290 --> 00:36:08,366 BURNED BY THE SUN ♪ NO ONE'S TO BLAME ♪ 672 00:36:08,432 --> 00:36:14,539 BECAUSE WE CALLED ALL THE ANGELS TO SAVE US, CALLED THEM BY 673 00:36:14,605 --> 00:36:23,981 NAME ♪ ♪ BUT I GUESS THEY GOT LOST ♪ 674 00:36:24,048 --> 00:36:30,555 ♪ STAR-CROSSED ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 675 00:36:30,621 --> 00:36:31,055 >> DRAMA. 676 00:36:31,122 --> 00:36:32,423 THE DRAMA OF IT ALL. 677 00:36:32,490 --> 00:36:37,361 >> Stephen: MUSICIANS DRAW ON A LOT OF SOURCES AND RESOURCES 678 00:36:37,428 --> 00:36:40,064 TO INSPIRE THEMSELVES, YOU KNOW, TO FIND THE HEART OF WHAT THEY 679 00:36:40,131 --> 00:36:41,966 WANT TO SAY. 680 00:36:42,033 --> 00:36:43,167 >> RIGHT, RIGHT. 681 00:36:43,234 --> 00:36:44,268 >> Stephen: IN THE MUSIC. 682 00:36:44,335 --> 00:36:47,338 AND I KNOW YOU WRITE CONSTANTLY. 683 00:36:47,405 --> 00:36:50,541 BUT I UNDERSTAND THERE'S SOMETHING SPECIAL, UNUSUAL YOU 684 00:36:50,608 --> 00:36:54,545 DID YOU'VE NEVER DONE BEFORE TO PREP FOR THE CREATION OF THIS 685 00:36:54,612 --> 00:36:55,413 ALBUM. 686 00:36:55,479 --> 00:36:58,449 WOULD YOU MIND DESCRIBING WHAT THAT WAS? 687 00:36:58,516 --> 00:37:00,952 >> IT'S INTERESTING, PLANT THERAPY, IT'S HELPING A LOT OF 688 00:37:01,018 --> 00:37:02,920 DIFFERENT PEOPLE IN A LOT OF DIFFERENT WAYS. 689 00:37:02,987 --> 00:37:07,758 IT WAS A HELL OF A RIDE AND IT TRIGGERED SO MANY CREATIVE 690 00:37:07,825 --> 00:37:10,328 IDEAS, THE NAME OF THE RECORD, THE CONCEPT. 691 00:37:10,394 --> 00:37:15,333 >> Stephen: THE THERAPIST, THERE'S AN M.D. THERE 692 00:37:15,399 --> 00:37:16,500 ADMINISTERING THE MUSHROOMS. 693 00:37:16,567 --> 00:37:17,501 >> YES. 694 00:37:17,568 --> 00:37:21,505 >> Stephen: HOW LONG DOES THAT - THE BOX UP HERE. 695 00:37:21,572 --> 00:37:22,340 >> YEAH. 696 00:37:22,406 --> 00:37:23,541 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: BECAUSE I HEAR 697 00:37:23,608 --> 00:37:27,478 GROWLING UP THERE AND I'M NOT SURE WHAT'S GOING TO COME OUT. 698 00:37:27,545 --> 00:37:29,847 ( LAUGHTER ) HOW LONG DOES THAT TAKE? 699 00:37:29,914 --> 00:37:34,018 >> AT ONE POINT, I KIND OF CAME TO AND SHE'S, LIKE, IT'S BEEN 700 00:37:34,085 --> 00:37:35,953 FOUR HOURS, YOU'RE DOING GREAT. 701 00:37:36,020 --> 00:37:40,625 I WAS LIKE HOLY ( BLEEP ). 702 00:37:40,691 --> 00:37:43,728 >> Stephen: IN SOME STATES THIS IS LEGAL. 703 00:37:43,794 --> 00:37:44,528 >> IN SOME STATES, IT IS. 704 00:37:44,595 --> 00:37:48,833 >> Stephen: WHAT STATE WERE YOU IN? 705 00:37:48,899 --> 00:37:50,701 >> IT DOES COME FROM THE GROUND. 706 00:37:50,768 --> 00:37:52,870 IT MAY NOT BE FOR EVERYBODY. 707 00:37:52,937 --> 00:37:55,139 BUT IT WAS AN IMPORTANT PIECE OF MY PUZZLE. 708 00:37:55,206 --> 00:37:55,806 >> Stephen: DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST SONG YOU WROTE? 709 00:37:55,873 --> 00:37:56,974 >> I DO. 710 00:37:57,041 --> 00:38:00,745 IT WAS A POEM I TURNED INTO A SONG WHEN I WAS ABOUT NINE. 711 00:38:00,811 --> 00:38:04,815 THINKING ABOUT IT'S AN EXTREMELY THIRSTY TITLE, IT'S CALLED 712 00:38:04,882 --> 00:38:08,819 "NOTICE ME," LIKE, NOTICE ME -- A LITTLE CRY FOR HELP THERE, I 713 00:38:08,886 --> 00:38:09,854 GUESS. 714 00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:11,822 >> Stephen: DID YOU EVER BREAK IT OUT IN A CONCERT? 715 00:38:11,889 --> 00:38:12,390 >> I SHOULD. 716 00:38:12,456 --> 00:38:13,290 WE SHOULD REMIX IT. 717 00:38:13,357 --> 00:38:15,660 >> Stephen: WHEN YOU COME BACK IN OCTOBER? 718 00:38:15,726 --> 00:38:16,861 >> YEAH, YEAH. 719 00:38:16,927 --> 00:38:20,398 >> Stephen: YOU COLLABORATED AND SPENT A LOT OF TIME WITH ALL 720 00:38:20,464 --> 00:38:24,902 THE MANY COUNTRY GREATS, BUT WILLIE NELSON BEING ONE OF THE 721 00:38:24,969 --> 00:38:26,103 TRUE GIANTS. 722 00:38:26,170 --> 00:38:27,138 >> MM-HMM. 723 00:38:27,204 --> 00:38:29,373 >> Stephen: AND ANYBODY -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 724 00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:33,511 ANYBODY WHO HAS SPENT TIME ON WILLIE NELSON'S BUS HAS A 725 00:38:33,577 --> 00:38:35,012 STORY -- >> THEY DON'T REMEMBER GOING. 726 00:38:35,079 --> 00:38:36,280 >> Stephen: EXACTLY. 727 00:38:36,347 --> 00:38:40,518 MY STORY ABOUT GOING TO THE BUS WAS TRYING TO GET OFF AS QUICKLY 728 00:38:40,584 --> 00:38:41,585 AS I COULD. 729 00:38:41,652 --> 00:38:42,787 >> YEAH. 730 00:38:42,853 --> 00:38:45,322 >> Stephen: WHAT HAS IT BEEN LIKE TO WORK WITH SUCH A LOVELY, 731 00:38:45,389 --> 00:38:46,957 AMAZING, TALENTED ICON LIKE THAT? 732 00:38:47,024 --> 00:38:51,295 >> HE IS TRULY AN ICON AND I LOVE HIM BECAUSE HE'S A GREAT 733 00:38:51,362 --> 00:38:52,496 EQUALIZER. 734 00:38:52,563 --> 00:38:56,233 HE WALKS INTO A ROOM AND I DON'T CARE WHERE YOU'RE FROM, YOUR 735 00:38:56,300 --> 00:39:00,638 BACKGROUND, WHAT KIND OF MUSIC YOU LIKE, EVERYBODY LOVES WILLIE 736 00:39:00,705 --> 00:39:01,739 NELSON. 737 00:39:01,806 --> 00:39:03,708 >> Stephen: HE'S LIKE A MUPPET, EVERYBODY WANTS TO SAY 738 00:39:03,774 --> 00:39:04,341 HI. 739 00:39:04,408 --> 00:39:05,576 >> YOU JUST WANT TO PET HIM. 740 00:39:05,643 --> 00:39:07,244 HE'S BEEN INCREDIBLE TO ME. 741 00:39:07,311 --> 00:39:11,816 A FUNNY STORY IS I GOT TO SEE MY GRANDPA KICK WILLIE NELSON'S AS 742 00:39:11,882 --> 00:39:13,250 IN POKER ONE NIGHT. 743 00:39:13,317 --> 00:39:14,318 >> Stephen: WHAT? 744 00:39:14,385 --> 00:39:20,324 AND I WAS LIKE DO I ROOT FOR MY GRANDPA OR MY FANTASY 745 00:39:20,391 --> 00:39:21,459 GRANDPA? 746 00:39:21,525 --> 00:39:23,027 IT WAS INCREDIBLE, AND MY GRANDPA WENT BACK TO TEXAS AND 747 00:39:23,094 --> 00:39:24,295 IT WAS THE TALK OF THE TOWN. 748 00:39:24,361 --> 00:39:28,132 >> Stephen: THAT'S A NICE GIFT YOU CAN GIVE YOUR GRANDFATHER. 749 00:39:28,199 --> 00:39:29,900 >> THAT WAS HIS CHRISTMAS GIFT. 750 00:39:29,967 --> 00:39:32,770 I HANDED HIM A LITTLE WAD OF CASH. 751 00:39:32,837 --> 00:39:34,839 HE SAYS, WHAT'S THIS FOR? 752 00:39:34,905 --> 00:39:39,777 I SAID THIS IS THE BUY-IN FOR WILLIE NELSON'S POKER GAME, SO 753 00:39:39,844 --> 00:39:40,811 GOOD LUCK. 754 00:39:40,878 --> 00:39:43,748 >> Stephen: HOW LONG AGO DID HE BEAT WILLIE NELSON. 755 00:39:43,814 --> 00:39:44,615 >> A FEW YEARS AGO. 756 00:39:44,682 --> 00:39:46,884 >> Stephen: HOW'S HE DOING? 757 00:39:46,951 --> 00:39:53,023 POP, I WANT YOU TO SEND HIM YOUR WARMTHS THOUGHTS AN 758 00:39:53,090 --> 00:39:53,657 PRAYERS. 759 00:39:53,724 --> 00:39:54,792 HE'S BATTLING COVID AT HOME. 760 00:39:54,859 --> 00:39:57,261 >> Stephen: IS HE VACCINATED? 761 00:39:57,328 --> 00:39:57,928 YEAH. 762 00:39:57,995 --> 00:39:58,863 I THINK HE'S GOING TO BE OKAY. 763 00:39:58,929 --> 00:40:00,064 WE'RE STAYING POSITIVE. 764 00:40:00,131 --> 00:40:03,134 HE COULDN'T COME SEE NEE IN NASHVILLE BECAUSE HE'S BEEN SICK 765 00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:04,068 AT HOME. 766 00:40:04,135 --> 00:40:06,570 >> Stephen: KACEY, LOVE HI TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 767 00:40:06,637 --> 00:40:07,471 >> THANKS, GUYS. 768 00:40:07,538 --> 00:40:08,839 >> Stephen: HOPE YOU COME BACK IN OCTOBER. 769 00:40:08,906 --> 00:40:11,976 "STAR-CROSSED" AND ITS COMPANION FILM ON PARAMOUNT PLUS BOTH COME 770 00:40:12,042 --> 00:40:16,280 OUT TOMORROW. 771 00:40:16,347 --> 00:40:17,715 KACEY MUSGRAVES, EVERYBODY! 772 00:40:17,782 --> 00:40:21,452 THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 773 00:40:21,519 --> 00:40:23,487 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 774 00:40:23,554 --> 00:40:24,421 GOOD NIGHT. 775 00:40:24,488 --> 00:40:26,357 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪