>> TALIBAN 2.0 -- MORE MODERATE, INCLUSIVE, POWER SHARING.
>> SENIOR LEADERS CLAIMING THEY WANT TO FORM AN INCLUSIVE
ISLAMIC GOVERNMENT.
>> ON WEDNESDAY, THE SUPPOSEDLY NEW TALIBAN HELD A PRESS
CONFERENCE.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!
TONIGHT, DOUBLE JEOPARDY, PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES SEAN PENN,
DYLAN PENN, AND MUSICAL GUEST CROWDED HOUSE.
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN."
AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
>> Stephen: OH, YEAH!
THIS IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT.
( AUDIENCE CHANTING STEPHEN ) >> Stephen: OH, 1U78ERTIME
CROWD.
THAT IS FAN TAVJTS WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, MR. AND MRS. AMERICA AND ALL THE SHIPS AT SEA, I AM
YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Jon: THERE HE IS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THIS CROWD IS
ELECTRIC AND LIVE ON THIS PLANET TONIGHT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THEY WANT TO HEAR ME TALK ABOUT
THE BIG STORY EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT NOW, CONTINUES TO BE
THE CHAOS SURROUNDING THE RECENT POORLY-HANDLED REGIME CHANGE...
OVER AT "JEOPARDY!" ( LAUGHTER )
NOW, BEFORE YOU SAY "STEPHEN, THE 'LATE SHOW' IS THE MOST
PRESTIGIOUS OF ALL THE LATE NIGHT CHUCKLE-FESTS-- WHAT ARE
YOU DOING TALKING ABOUT THE GAME SHOW 'JEOPARDY!' AND WHO WILL
HOST IT?", I HAVE ONE THING TO SAY TO YOU: I DON'T KNOW.
( LAUGHTER ) ALL I KNOW IS, THE MISSION
STATEMENT OF THIS SHOW IS TO TALK ABOUT WHAT EVERYONE IS
TALKING ABOUT.
AND FOR SOME REASON, EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT THIS.
POSSIBLY TO AVOID TALKING ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
THAT'S IT.
NAILED IT.
THAT'S IT.
BING, BANG, WRITE THAT DOWN.
NOW THAT I'VE ESTABLISHED THAT THIS IS ITEM ONE OF THE NATIONAL
CONVERSATION, LET ME FILL YOU IN ON THE DEETS.
"JEOPARDY!" RECENTLY CONDUCTED A MONTHS-LONG SEARCH FOR THEIR NEW
HOST, LED IN PART BY EXECUTIVE PRODUCER MIKE RICHARDS, ALSO
KNOWN AS BLAND...
JAMES BLAND.
( LAUGHTER ) DURING THEIR SEARCH, THE SHOW
TRIED OUT EVERYONE FROM FRIEND OF THE SHOW ANDERSON COOPER TO
FRIEND OF THE SHOW LEVAR BURTON TO FRIEND OF THE SHOW KATIE
COURIC TO DR OZ.
( LAUGHTER ) WHICH IS WHY PEOPLE WER A BIT
SURPRISED WHEN, IN THE END, AS THEIR PERMANENT WEEKNIGHT HOST,
THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS OF "JEOPARDY!" SELECTED EXECUTIVE
PRODUCER MIKE RICHARDS.
WOW, WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
EXACTLY THE SAME AS ME GETTING NAMED "STEPHEN COLBERT
MAGAZINE'S SEXIEST MAN ALIVE."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
SUCK IT, RYAN GOSLING.
( LAUGHTER ) AMERICA'S LEADING GAME SHOW
JOURNALISTS WERE STUNNED, INCLUDING THE HUFFINGPO, WHOSE
HEADLINE BLARED, "SO THE 'JEOPARDY!' GUEST HOST ROTATION
WAS APPARENTLY ALL FOR SHOW."
WAIT A SECOND!
ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT A TELEVISION SHOW DID SOMETHING
THAT WAS FOR SHOW?
( LAUGHTER ) I'M SO DISILLUSIONED.
ARE THOSE HOUSEWIVES EVEN REAL?
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S ONLY GETTING WORSE FOR
RICHARDS, AFTER RESURFACED PODCAST AUDIO REVEALED THAT
IN 2014, MIKE RICHARDS MADE CRUDE COMMENTS ABOUT WOMEN,
JEWS, AND HAITI.
( BOOING ) >> Stephen: OOOH...
LOOKS LIKE RICHARDS' JOB MIGHT BE IN "JEOPARDY!"
(SCARY MUSIC) ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SO WHAT DID HE SAY?
WELL, ON ONE PODCAST, RICHARDS ASKED HIS CO-HOSTS, BOTH YOUNGER
WOMEN, WHETHER THEY HAD EVER TAKEN NUDE PHOTOS, SAYING,
"LIKE, BOOBY PICTURES?" "BOOBY PICTURES"?
IS THIS MAN ABOUT TO BECOME THE HOST OF AMERICA'S MOST BELOVED
QUIZ SHOW, OR A 12-YEAR-OLD BOY TRYING TO SNEAK INTO AN R-RATED
MOVIE?
"YES, I'D LIKE ONE GROWN-UP TICKET TO YOUR 2:00 P.M. BOOBY
PICTURE.
I HAVE BEEN TOLD THESE BOOBIES HAVE THE NIBLETS?"
IN RESPONSE TO THESE NEW REVELATIONS, RICHARDS RELEASED A
STATEMENT, SAYING, "IT'S MORE THAN CLEAR THAT MY ATTEMPTS TO
BE FUNNY AND PROVOCATIVE WERE NOT ACCEPTABLE, AND I HAVE
REMOVED THE EPISODES."
INTERESTING APOLOGY.
"I KNOW I DROVE DRUNK AND PLOWED THROUGH YOUR ROSE GARDEN, BUT TO
PROVE I'M SORRY, I RECYCLED MY EMPTY LIQUOR BOTTLES."
SPEAKING OF DISASTROUS TRANSITIONS:
(BUZZER) "WHAT IS AFGHANISTAN?"
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NO ONE'S SURE AT THIS POINT.
THE WITHDRAWAL DID NOT GO QUITE AS WELL AS JOE BIDEN HAD HOPED.
AND UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM, THERE WERE TV CAMERAS.
HE REALLY SHOULD HAVE EVACUATED THOSE FIRST.
IN A POLL TAKEN ON FRIDAY, BIDEN'S APPROVAL RATING WAS 53%.
BUT OVER THE WEEKEND, HIS APPROVAL FELL FASTER THAN KABUL,
PLUMMETING TO 46%.
SO, YESTERDAY, BIDEN SAT DOWN WITH GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS FOR
HIS FIRST ONE-ON-ONE INTERVIEW SINCE THE TAKEOVER, AND HE
THOUGHT THE DEBACLE WENT ACCORDING TO PLAN.
>> THE IDEA THAT SOMEHOW, THERE'S A WAY TO HAVE GOTTEN OUT
WITHOUT CHAOS ENSUING, I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT HAPPENS.
GRANTED, IT TOOK TWO DAYS TO TAKE CONTROL OF THE AIRPORT.
WE HAVE CONTROL OF THE AIRPORT NOW.
>> BUT WE'VE ALL SEEN THE PICTURES.
WE'VE SEEN THOSE HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE PACKED IN A C-17.
WE'VE SEEN AFGHANS FALLING-- >> THAT WAS FOUR DAYS AGO.
FIVE DAYS AGO.
>> STEPHEN: (AS BIDEN) "LOOK, JACK, NO ONE REMEMBER
-- COME ON, MAN, GET REAL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NO, I'M SERIOUS, NO, COME ON,
I'M NOT KIDDING AROUND, FOLKS, NO ONE REMEMBERS
ALL THAT STUFF IS ANCIENT MONDAY!
BUT I DO REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE THING MY DAD EVER SAID IN 1952.
HE TOLD ME, 'JOEY, WHEN YOU LEAVE AFGHANISTAN, IT'S GOING TO
BE MESSIER THAN A PACK OF DOGS EATIN' A BLUEBERRY PIE.'
ANYWAY, WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT?
WHO KNOWS AT THIS POINT?
THAT WAS FOUR, FIVE SECONDS AGO.
COME ON!" ( LAUGHTER )
IN OTHER POLITICAL NEWS, THE DELTA VARIANT HAS STORMED
CAPITOL HILL.
TODAY, THREE SENATORS ANNOUNCED WITHIN HOURS OF EACH OTHER THAT
THEY HAD TESTED POSITIVE FOR THE CORONAVIRUS.
OH, NO!
I HOPE THE UNITED STATES SENATE IS NOT FAMOUSLY FULL OF THE
OLDEST PEOPLE ON EARTH.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHAT?
THE INFECTED SENATORS IN QUESTION ARE ROGER WICKER,
REPUBLICAN OF MISSISSIPPI; ANGUS KING, INDEPENDENT FROM
MAINE; AND JOHN HICKENLOOPER, DEMOCRAT FROM COLORADO.
A REPUBLICAN, A DEMOCRAT, AND AN INDEPENDENT!
AT LEAST THE VIRUS IS BIPARTISAN!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
CLEARLY, SOME SENATORS ARE REACHING ACROSS THE AISLE...
AND NOT WASHING THEIR HANDS AFTERWARDS.
( LAUGHTER ) WE'RE GETTING NEW SCIENCE EVERY
DAY ABOUT WHAT DOES AND DOESN'T PREVENT COVID.
FOR INSTANCE, TODAY WE LEARNED THOSE ANTI-COVID PLASTIC
BARRIERS PROBABLY DON'T HELP, AND MAY MAKE THINGS WORSE.
WAIT, HAVE THEY EVER WORKED?
BECAUSE FOR DECADES, THAT HAS ALSO BEEN OUR SALAD BAR
PROTECTION TECHNOLOGY.
THAT'S DISTURBING.
( APPLAUSE ) SO, I'M OFFICIALLY OFF SALAD,
I'M OFF SALADS FOR SAFETY SAKE, UNLESS IT HAS FIRST BEEN
STERILIZED IN A DEEP FAT FRYER.
UNFORTUNATELY, COVID CASES CONTINUE TO SPIKE, ESPECIALLY
ALONG THE GULF COAST, WHERE THE SO-CALLED "REDNECK RIVIERA" IS
NOW A VIRUS HOTSPOT.
NOW, IF YOU'VE NEVER BEEN THERE, IT'S KIND OF LIKE THE FRENCH
RIVIERA, BUT INSTEAD OF THE CANNES FILM FESTIVAL, IT'S "THE
SHOW-US-YOUR-CANS FESTIVAL."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THAT RIGHT THERE, JON -- >> Jon: I DON'T MESS WITH THAT
ONE.
>> Stephen: THAT WAS DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO AY PICTURE.
( LAUGHTER ) HEALTH OFFICIALS ARE BLAMING THE
SPIKE ON THE AREA'S UNABATED TOURISM AND A DISREGARD FOR
BASIC HEALTH PRECAUTIONS.
COINCIDENTALLY, THAT'S ALSO FLORIDA'S STATE MOTTO.
SOUNDS BETTER IN LATIN.
IT'S A LITTLE CLASSIER.
PEOPLE ARE IGNORING C.D.C.
RECOMMENDATIONS.
FOR EXAMPLE, DON'T GO TO FLORIDA.
ALSO, IN A BAR CALLED "THE HANGOUT," PATRONS CRAMMED
TOGETHER, UNMASKED, SINGING "COTTON EYE JOE."
OF COURSE, THE LYRICS ARE A LITTLE DIFFERENT:
>> Stephen: VACCINE'S FOR COTTON EYE JOE ♪
♪ HE'S GOT TETANUS AND POLIO ♪ ♪ HE CAUGHT COVID TWO DAYS AGO ♪
♪ NOW HE CAN'T SMELL MY CHICKEN GUMBO ♪
( LAUGHTER ) DESPITE ALL THE COVID CONCERNS,
MINI-GOLF COURSES, BARS, GO-KART TRACKS, AND HOTELS WERE FULL.
AND ONE SHOPPER AFTER ANOTHER WALKED THROUGH THE MOUTH OF A
GIANT, FAKE SHARK.
IF ONLY THERE WERE SOME KIND OF METAPHOR FOR WILLINGLY STROLLING
INTO THE JAWS OF DOOM.
( APPLAUSE ) THE DELTA VARIANT HAS HIT THE
ENTIRE WORLD, WHICH APPARENTLY INCLUDES ENGLAND, WHERE A
WHOPPING 94% OF ADULTS HAVE COVID-19 ANTIBODIES, AND ROUGHLY
80.7% OF THEIR ADULT POPULATION HAS BEEN FULLY VACCINATED
BECAUSE THEY'VE REALLY FOCUSED ON REACHING VULNERABLE
POPULATIONS, WHICH FOR THEM INCLUDES PEOPLE OVER 50.
SO, BY BRITISH STANDARDS, I'M A VULNERABLE POPULATION.
ALSO BY BRITISH STANDARDS, I DIDN'T GAIN 14 POUNDS OVER THE
PANDEMIC.
I GAINED ONE STONE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: MM-HMM.
LOOKING GOOD.
>> Stephen: I'M IMPRESSED WITH HOW WELL
ENGLAND IS DOING WITH THE COVID VACCINE, SO I'D LIKE TO SAY
SOMETHING TO MY BRITISH VIEWERS.
MEET ME OVER AT THE BRIT CAM.
'ALLO, GUV.
THANKS FOR CLICKIN' ON THE OLE TELLY.
JUST MARY POPPIN' IN TO SAY: PLEASE TAKE US BACK!
THAT WHOLE "REVOLUTION" THING, WE WERE JUST HAVING A LAUGH!
WE WERE TAKIN' THE PISS OUT OF YOUR BANGERS AND MASH!
WE'RE GOBSMACKED BY YOUR VACCINATION RATE, JUST CHUFFED.
BLIMEY!
LET'S LEG IT TO THE PUB FOR ELEVENSES AND FISH AND CHIPS,
INNIT?
WE'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT: WE'LL CALL SOCCER "FOOTBALL,"
WE'LL CALL MATH "MATHS," AND WE'LL CALL PIERS MORGAN A
JOURNALIST.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
GOD SAVE THE QUEEN-- OR TOSS THE OLD BIRD, I'M NOT SURE WHICH
SIDE YOU GUYS LAND ON RIGHT NOW.
CHIM, CHIM, CHER-EE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
( PIANO RIFF ) MY GUESTS ARE THE
FATHER-DAUGHTER TEAM OF SEAN AND DYLAN PENN.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, SEX.
IT SELLS.
STICK AROUND.
♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN," EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: HEY!
WHOO!
>> Stephen: JON -- ( JON HUMMING )
>> Stephen: JON, IN JUST A FEW MINUTES, OSCAR WINNER, TRULY
GIFTED ARTIST SEAN PENN IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE.
>> Jon: OH, YEAH, IT'S A FAMILY AFFAIR.
>> Stephen: IT IS.
IT'S A FAMILY AFFAIR BECAUSE HIS VERY TALENTED DAUGHTER DYLAN
PENN WHO'S STARRING IN THE MOVIE HE IS DIRECTING AND STARS IN
WILL BE OUT HERE, TOO.
A LITTLE STACK LIKE THAT.
EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND.
I'M GOING TO HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF MY -- COFFEE.
( LAUGHTER ) JON, YOU GOT ANY PLANS THIS
WEEKEND?
>> YEAH, I'M PLAYING IN CENTRAL PARK THIS WEEKEND.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GET ME A TICKET?
>> IF YOU'RE GOING TO COME DOWN, YOU WILL BE ON THE STAGE WITH
US.
>> Stephen: WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
>> Jon: I KNOW YOU DANCE AND SING.
>> Stephen: I'VE GOT ONE MOVE, JON.
THAT'S IT.
ONE MOVE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU PLAY CARAVAN, I'LL DO IT.
BREAK A LEG AND SAY HI TO, YOU KNOW, BRUCE FOR ME.
( CHEERING ) FOLKS, EVERYBODY KNOWS I LOVE
SPORTS, BUT MOSTLY FOR THE BRANDING.
WHICH IS WHY I'M SO EXCITED THAT WE'RE ON THE CUSP OF A NEW,
NON-OFFENSIVE NICKNAME FOR THE WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM,
FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE WASHINGTON "I'M NOT GOING TO SAY THAT."
TO WHET THE FANS' APPETITE, THE TEAM RELEASED THIS VIDEO OF
THEIR COACH AND GENERAL MANAGER REVIEWING THE FINALISTS:
>> THIS IS A FOLLOW-UP TO OUR EARLY CONVERSATIONS ON NAMING.
YOU LIKE IT?
>> YEAH, THAT'S INTERESTING.
IT'S ALMOST CARTOONISH.
I'D DO THIS "W" LIKE THAT.
>> SO THE THREE THAT WE'LL GO THROUGH ARE...
(BLEEP), (BLEEP), AND (BLEEP).
>> I LIKE (BLEEP).
>> I REALLY LIKE (BLEEP).
>> STEPHEN: WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO FIND A NON-OFFENSIVE NAME,
IT'S NOT A GOOD LOOK WHEN YOU HAVE TO BLEEP AND BLUR THE
OPTIONS.
WHAT KIND OF NAMES ARE THEY CONSIDERING?
( APPLAUSE ) THE MIND REELS.
THE WASHINGTON DEEK 'N BALLS?
THE FIGHTIN' RED TAINTS?
THE UNSOLICITED PENIS PICS?
ALL STILL LESS OFFENSIVE THAN THEIR PREVIOUS NAME.
SPEAKING OF BLURRING THINGS, THERE'S BIG NEWS FROM THE
INTERNET TODAY, BECAUSE WE LEARNED THAT STARTING IN
OCTOBER, THE SITE "ONLYFANS" WILL BAN SEXUALLY EXPLICIT
CONTENT.
THEY KNOW THAT FANS OF ONLYFANS ARE ONLY FANS OF ONE THING,
RIGHT?
BUT DON'T WORRY.
STARTING OCTOBER 1, ONLYFANS WILL STILL LIVE UP TO ITS
NAME BY OFFERING HOT OSCILLATING ACTION!
WHY DID ONLY FANS DROP THE BOOBY PICS?
WELL, REPORTEDLY, "ONLYFANS WAS STRUGGLING TO FIND OUTSIDE
INVESTORS BECAUSE OF ITS ADULT CONTENT."
EVIDENTLY, PORNOGRAPHY DOES NOT LIVE UP TO THE HIGH MORAL
STANDARDS OF INVESTMENT BANKERS.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
UNLESS IT'S THEM (BLEEP) THE ECONOMY.
( LAUGHTER ) THEN IT'S FINE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) GOO GIVING US THE BLUES THERE.
>> Stephen: NOW, THERE'S A BRIGHT SIDE TO
SAYS WHILE SEXUALLY EXPLICIT MATERIAL WILL BE BANNED, NUDITY
THAT IS NOT SEXUALLY EXPLICIT WILL REMAIN ALLOWED.
SO YOU CAN ONLY POST NUDE IMAGES THAT WOULD NEVER TURN ON ANYONE.
( LAUGHTER ) AND, I'M SORRY, I JUST DON'T
NEED THE MONEY BADLY ENOUGH.
BUT I DO HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR THE ONLYFANS-FANS OUT THERE.
THERE IS ANOTHER PLACE TO FIND SEXUALLY EXPLICIT MATERIAL ON
THE INTERNET.
IT'S CALLED: THE INTERNET.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SEAN PENN.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!
WELCOME BACK, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!
FOLKS, I'M EXCITED BECAUSE MY FIRST GUEST IS A TWO-TIME
ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR, DIRECTOR, AND AUTHOR YOU KNOW
FROM "DEAD MAN WALKING," "MYSTIC RIVER," AND "MILK."
HIS NEW FILM IS "FLAG DAY."
>> DAD, WHAT DO YOU DO.
UET -- WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT DO DO?
>> FOR A LIVING?
I'M AN ENTREPRENEUR.
MY SKILL IS OPPORTUNITIES.
>> LIKE WHAT?
FOR INSTANCE, RIGHT NOW I GOT A WHOLE RAFT OF BUSINESSES.
I'M WORKING A VERY BROAD PORTFOLIO.
WHEN YOU WORK IT THAT WAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO PIN IT ON ONE
BUSINESS TO BE YOUR BREAD AND BUTTER.
YIELD GOES DOWN ON ONE, POPS UP ON THE OTHER, AND THE GOOD NEWS
IS THAT I'M DOING REALLY GREAT WITH THAT.
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW" SEAN
PENN!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: MAKE YOURSELF AT
HOME.
NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO.
>> Stephen: YOU DONT'S DO A LOT OF TALK SHOWS.
>> NO.
>> Stephen: NO.
ALWAYS GLAD WHEN YOU CAN SHOW UP.
>> ALWAYS GLAD TO BE HERE FOR YOURS.
>> Stephen: ALWAYS INTERESTING TO TALK TO YOU.
IT'S NEVER A CONVERSATION I'M GOING TO EXPECT.
>> MMM...
LET'S SEE HOW THAT GOES TONIGHT.
>> Stephen: LET'S ROLL THE BONES.
YOU'VE ACTUALLY MADE SOME HEADLINES RECENTLY.
I'VE GOT ONE RIGHT HERE REGARDING -- WELL, COVID,
REALLY.
HERE'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
SEAN PENN, LYING IN SAND, BOND RETURN TO WATERGATE SERIES GAS
LIT UNLESS ALL CAST AND CREW GET MANDATORY COVID VACCINATIONS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'RE VACCINATED, YOU'RE VACS
MADE.
SO THIS IS A BIG THING.
THIS IS A BIG THING THAT BASICALLY ALL INDUSTRIES ARE
DEALING WITH BUT ESPECIALLY SHOWBIZ BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE
COME TOGETHER FOR SHORT PERIODS OF TIME FROM DIFFERENT
LOCATIONS.
HOW DID THAT GO OVER?
>> I THINK AT THE END OF THE DAY, THE DIFFICULTY IS WITH
COWARDLY UNION LEADERSHIP IN MANY CASES, BECAUSE THE
BUSINESSES THEMSELVES, I THINK MOST PEOPLE LIKE YOUR AUDIENCE
ARE RATIONAL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WHAT'S THE
RATIONALE FOR WHAT IS -- I WANT TO POINT OUT TO THE UNIONS HE
SAID COWARDLY, NOT ME.
( LAUGHTER ) I WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S THE
RATIONALE TO BE GIVEN TO NOT GET IT FROM THE PEOPLE.
>> BECAUSE THERE'S A FRINGE WITHIN EACH OF THESE
CONSTITUENCIES WITHIN THE UNIONS THAT THEY ARE, I BELIEVE,
LEADERSHIP IS AFRAID OF, AND IT'S THE SAME PARALLEL FRINGE TO
THE FRINGE THAT WE SEE THROUGHOUT THE COUNTRY AND THE
WAY THAT IT'S BEEN -- YOU KNOW, ONCE THE GENIE OF IRRATIONALITY
GOT OUT OF THE BOTTLE FROM THE LEADERSHIP AT THE BEGINNING OF
THIS, IT'S BECOME EMBEDDED POLITICKING RADICALISM THAT
DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE COUNTRY'S INDEPENDENCE IS BECAUSE OF ITS
INTERDEPENDENCE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: SO HOW'S IT GOING?
ARE YOU GOING BACK TO THE SET?
>> WELL, IT SEEMS TO BE -- SO WHAT GOOD THING DID HAPPEN IS
THAT, IMMEDIATELY AFTER I LEFT -- AND I SHOULD SAY I HAD A
LOT OF SUPPORT FROM MY COE AC -- CO-ACTORS AND PRODUCERS ON THIS.
THE NEXT DAY, 14 PEOPLE GOT VOLUNTARILY VACCINATED.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE BAD NEWS IS THAT, ON A CREW
OF 100 OR SOMETHING, THAT MEANS THERE ARE MORE THAN 14 PEOPLE
WHO HAD CHOSEN NOT TO BECAUSE IT'S NOT ENTIRELY VACCINATED
YET.
THE WAY THEY DID IT, OF COURSE, WAS THE ONLY KIND OF REAL
PROTECTION WAS AROUND THE ZONE OF PEOPLE THAT WOULD BE COMING
IN CLOSE CONTACT WITH ACTORS WHICH IS ITS OWN KIND OF ELITIST
CHARGE.
>> THEY CALL IT ZONE A.
ZONE A.
SO MY UNDERSTANDING IS THEY'VE NEGOTIATED SOMETHING WHERE
THE -- THOSE UNION MEMBERS WHO HAVE REFUSED TO GET VACCINATED,
WHO DO GET TESTED, WILL REMAIN UNTIL THEY HAVE SHOT OUT
EVERYTHING THEY CAN SHOOT OUT WITHOUT ME, AND THEN AT THE END
THEY WILL REPLACE ANYONE WHO'S NOT VACCINATED WITH PEOPLE WHO
ARE VACCINATED.
>> Stephen: YOUR ORGANIZATION CORE OFFERED VACCINATIONS IN
LOS ANGELES.
IT'S THE COMMUNITY ORGANIZED RELIEF EFFORT.
>> CORRECT.
>> Stephen: YOU WERE GIVING OUT VACCINATIONS IN THE
LOS ANGELES AREA?
>> YEAH, WE WERE RUNNING ALONG WITH L.A. FIRE DEPARTMENT,
DODGER STADIUM AND ALL THE SIGNIFICANT LOS ANGELES CITY
SITES.
THROUGHOUT THE COUNTRY, WE WERE STARTING WITH THE TESTING AND
THEN ENTER FACTION, AND WE CONTINUED TO.
THERE ARE LESS OF THE BIG SUPERSITES AND MUCH MORE OF THE
MOBILE OUTREACH TRYING TO GET INTO, IN PARTICULAR, THE MORE
MARGINALIZED COMMUNITIES BUT NOW TRYING TO TARGET AREAS THAT SEEM
MORE INVESTED IN MISINFORMATION.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I THINK I
UNDERSTAND THAT CORE WAS SOMETHING THAT YOU HELPED CREATE
IN 2010, AFTER THE HAITI EARTHQUAKE THAT YEAR.
>> CORRECT.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU WENT DOWN THERE TO HELP AND CREATED
THIS.
OBVIOUSLY, THERE WAS ANOTHER EARTHQUAKE DOWN THERE.
IS CORE BACK DOWN THERE?
>> Y EP.
>> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> CORE NEVER LEFT.
WE'VE GOT 100 FULL-TIME HAITIAN STAFF DOWN THERE AND THEY
DEPLOYED THAT DAY, WITH MEDICAL AND HEAVY EQUIPMENT SUPPORTING
THE SEARCH AND RESCUE AND RUBBLE REMOVAL.
>> Stephen: WELL, A LOT OF PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY IN OUR
BUSINESS, SPEAK A GOOD GAME ABOUT CARING FOR THOSE WHO NEED
HELP.
I LIKE THAT YOU'VE, YOU KNOW, PUT YOUR TIME WHERE YOUR MOUTH
IS HERE, AND YOUR EFFORT.
I'M CURIOUS WHAT AVERAGE PEOPLE CAN DO TO HELP.
WHAT CAN THEY DO TO HELP YOU?
>> TO DO WHAT WE'RE DOING, THEY HAVE THE EQUIPMENT, THE MEDICAL
HYGIENE KIT DISTRIBUTION, ALL OF THAT IS MADE MORE AGGRESSIVE BY
FUNDING AND IT COMES DOWN TO DOLLARS.
SO YOU MAKE -- WE ARE ABLE TO GET A LOT MORE DOLLARS BY A LOT
OF PEOPLE GIVING A LITTLE MONEY, $5, $10, $15, WHATEVER IT IS.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE WEB SITE.
>> CORERESPONSE.org WOULD BE GREAT.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU INVEST YOURSELF IN THE NEEDS
OF THESE PEOPLE.
HOW DO YOU YOURSELF, ESPECIALLY LOOKING AT THE WORLD TODAY,
FIGHT OFF DESPONDENCY YOURSELF?
>> VODKA TONIC.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THAT'S ALSO THE
RECIPE.
( APPLAUSE ) LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR MOVIE
"FLAG DAY," WHICH IS A MOVIE THAT YOU DIRECT AND STAR IN, AND
IT'S THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE DIRECTED YOURSELF, CORRECT?
>> MM-HMM.
>> Stephen: NOW, I HEAR THAT ACTOR SEAN PENN CAN BE A BIT OF
A HANDFUL.
DO YOU ENJOY WORKING WITH HIM?
( LAUGHTER ) >> BRPRICK COMMUNIST.
>> Stephen: WOW, SURE.
HE'LL JUST WALK OFF THE SET IF EVERYONE ISN'T VACCINATED.
WHAT A JERK.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT IT'S ALSO -- IT'S ALSO
YOU'RE DIRECTING YOUR DAUGHTER IN THIS AS WELL AND YOUR SON
ALSO HAS A PART.
YOUR DAUGHTER DYLAN IS THE STAR OF THE MOVIE.
WHAT IS IT LIKE TO DIRECT HER?
DOES IT ALL GO VERY SMOOTHLY?
>> NOT ALL THE TIME.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: KEEP IN MIND,
WHATEVER YOU ANSWER, I'M GOING TO ASK HER IF YOU TOLD THE TRUTH
WHEN SHE COMES OUT HERE IN A MOMENT.
( LAUGHTER ) >> THE THING ABOUT MY DAUGHTER
IS SHE WAS ALWAYS A TRUTH MACHINE.
>> Stephen: OF COURSE, SHE'S A DAUGHTER.
THAT'S WHAT DAUGHTERS ARE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> YEAH, THEY KEEP PEELING YOUR
ONION, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: YES, THEY KNOW BULL ( BLEEP ) WHEN THEY HEAR
IT.
>> YEAH, THAT'S TRUE.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: SO, YOU KNOW, SHE
HAS TO GO THROUGH SOME PRETTY EMOTIONALLY WROUGHT SCENES HERE.
DOES DAD, SEAN PENN, CAN HE LET DIRECTOR SEAN PENN LET THE SCENE
GOES ON WHEN HE SEES DAUGHTER DYLAN CRYING OR ARE YOU
ATTEMPTED TO STOP THE SCENE AND COMFORT HER?
>> THERE WERE TIMES THAT I THOUGHT TO CALL CH CHILD PROTECT
SERVICES ON MYSELF.
( LAUGHTER ) IT WAS.
THERE WERE SOMETIMES -- BECAUSE YOU'RE ASKING -- YOU KNOW, AS
YOU DO WITH ACTORS -- PEOPLE TO GO TO DIFFICULT AND PAINFUL
PLACES SOMETIMES AND TO SEE HER GOING THROUGH IT AND TO SAY, GO
DEEPER, GO -- IT WAS -- YEAH, IT WAS DEVASTATING SOMETIMES, BUT
SHE WANTED TO GO THERE, AND IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL IN THOSE SCENES
AND THE LIGHTER TO SEE THE MAGIC OF HER TALENT AND THE KIND OF
POETRY OF HER EMOTIONAL LIFE COME FORWARD THROUGH THOSE
THINGS, AND IT WAS ALSO THRILLING.
>> Stephen: THIS PREMIERED.
YES.
>> Stephen: SHE GOT GREAT NOTICES.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WOULD YOU WANT TO WORK WITH SEAN PENN AGAIN?
( LAUGHTER ) WOULD YOU WANT TO DIRECT YOU
AGAIN, I GUESS?
>> YES, I WOULD NOT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: IT'S A FAMILY BUSINESS FOR YOU.
FOR THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW, YOUR FARTHER LEO WAS AN ACTOR
AND DIRECTOR AND YOUR MOTHER EILEEN RYAN IS AN ACTRESS.
AS A FATHER LOOKING AT YOUR CHILDREN GOING INTO THE
BUSINESS, I'M JUST CURIOUS WHAT YOUR PARENTS THOUGHT ABOUT YOU
GOING INTO THE BUSINESS?
WERE THEY WORRIED, ENCOURAGE IT?
WERE THEY, LIKE, YEAH, SURE, WATER'S FINE, OR NO!
>> IT WAS VERY ENCOURAGED.
I SHOULD SAY IT WAS A PROUD THING TO BE AN ACTOR IN THE
FAMILY I GREW UP IN.
THEN I BECAME AN ACTOR, AND THEN I DID MY FIRST PLAY, AND THEN MY
PARENTS CAME TO IT, AND THEN MY PARENTS CAME BACKSTAGE, AND THEN
MY MOTHER SAID, THAT WAS TERRIBLE.
( LAUGHTER ) AND IT WAS ALL YOU'VE GOT TO GO
TO UNIVERSITY SO YOU WILL HAVE SOMETHING TO FALL BACK ON, LIKE
THAT.
>> Stephen: MAYBE DIESEL MECHANICS OR SOMETHING LIKE
THAT, ALWAYS NEED MECHANICS.
>> YEAH, MM-HMM.
>> Stephen: HOW DID THAT FEEL, SEAN?
TAKE ME THROUGH IT, LET'S GO BACK TO THAT FEELING, LET'S
FOLLOW THAT.
I'M ASKING YOU TO DIG DEEPER, THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKING.
WE'LL GO TO COMMERCIAL.
YOU THINK ABOUT THAT.
WE'RE GOING TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
WHEN WE COME BACK, DYLAN PENN WILL JOIN US AND I'LL ASK HER
WHAT IT'S DIKE TO BE DIRECTED BY OSCAR WINNER SEAN PENN!
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
WE'RE BACK HERE WITH SEAN PENN.
BUT NOW LET'S BRING OUT THE STAR OF
"FLAG DAY," AND HIS DAUGHTER, DYLAN PENN!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
>> Stephen: HEY, NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> Stephen: IS THIS THE FIRST TIME THAT YOU HAVE BEEN ON A
TALK SHOW?
>> FIRST TIME ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WELL, THANK YOU FOR MAKING IT HERE TO YOUR FIRST
TALK SHOW.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: I WAS TALKING TO SEAN EARLIER ABOUT THE PROCESS
OF YOU GUYS WORKING TOGETHER, AND I'M CURIOUS WHETHER WORKING
WITH SEAN PENN, YOU KNOW, OSCAR WINNER, DIRECTOR IS MORE
INTIMIDATING THAN HAVING SEAN PENN AS A FATHER.
>> NO.
IT'S DIFFERENT BUT NOT MORE INTIMIDATING.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GUYS GET INTO LOGGERHEADS WITH EACH OTHER
OVER NOTES?
LIKE, MMM, I DON'T THINK SO.
>> WE HAD ONE MAJOR I THINK IT WAS A TWO-HOUR STANDOFF ABOUT A
NOTE THAT HE HAD.
>> Stephen: TWO HOURS OF ONE NOTE?
>> MM-HMM, ABOUT WHETHER I COULD WEAR MASCARA OR NOT WEAR
MASCARA.
( LAUGHTER ) HE WON.
>> Stephen: THAT IS A FIGHT A FATHER USUALLY HAS WITH A
DAUGHTER WHEN SHE'S 12.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: HE WON?
HE WON.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GUYS GO SOMEPLACE PRIVATE TO HAVE THIS
FIGHT OR WAS IT A KNOCK-DOWN, DRAG-OUT IN FRONT OF THE CREW?
>> NO, IT WAS VERY PUBLIC.
IT WAS A -- ONCE IT WAS CLEAR THAT SHE WAS MAKING THE WRONG
DECISION, ( LAUGHTER )
I JUST WENT AND SAT DOWN, AND THEN THE SILENCE WAS ONE THE
CREW HAD TO LIVE WITH FOR TWO HOURS WHILE THE PENNS FIGURED IT
OUT.
>> Stephen: DID YOU ROLL ON THAT?
BECAUSE I WOULD WATCH THAT MOVIE.
( LAUGHTER ) I WAS TALKING TO YOUR DAD.
HE'S FROM A SHOWBIZ FAMILY.
EVEN THOUGH BOTH YOUR PARENTS ARE VERY ACCOMPLISHED
PERFORMERS, I'M CURIOUS WHETHER YOU HAD TO HAVE THE REGULAR,
LIKE, ACTOR JOBS.
LIKE I WAITED TABLES FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS.
DID YOU HAVE TO DO -- >> SAME HERE.
>> Stephen: OKAY, I'M GLAD.
SUFFERING IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL.
>> IT IS GOOD.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO DO?
>> SO I WAS -- I MEAN, I WORKED IN SERVICE, LIKE WAITING TABLES.
I HOSTED, I WAS AN UNPAID INTERN AT AN AD AGENCY, THAT WAS ALL IN
THE CITY.
THEN I MOVED TO L.A. TO GO TO SCHOOL AND I ACTUALLY STARTED
DELIVERING PIZZAS FOR A LIVING.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
YES.
>> Stephen: HOW DID THAT GO?
IT WAS VERY HUMBLING.
VERY -- >> Stephen: ALSO GOOD FOR THE
SOUL.
>> YEAH.
NO TIPS.
AND I WOULD DELIVER TO -- >> Stephen: WERE YOU ACTING AT
THE SAME TIME.
>> I WAS MODELING.
MODEL BY DAY.
PIZZA DELIVERY AT NIGHT.
I WOULD COME IN FULL HAIR AND MAKEUP AND DELIVERING TO A LOT
OF FRATERNITIES AT U.C.L.A.
I WOULD COME IN FULL MAKEUP AND HAIR WITH THE PIZZA HAT WITH THE
PIZZA AND THEY WOULD BE, LIKE, GUYS, I THINK THE STRIPPER IS
STILL HERE.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU WERE ALL MADE UP AND EVERYTHING?
>> NO, AND I ACTUALLY HAVE A PIZZA.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I WOULD ALSO WATCH
THAT MOVIE.
( LAUGHTER ) SEAN PENN, I WAS JUST TALKING TO
SEAN PENN OVER HERE, AND SEAN PENN SAYS HE DOESN'T WANT TO
DIRECT SEAN PENN ANYMORE.
YOU WANT TO BE A DIRECTOR.
WOULD YOU WANT TO DIRECT SEAN PENN?
>> 100%.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU WERE IMPRESSED WITH HIS WORK.
>> I WAS.
I WANT TO FLIP IT AROUND.
>> Stephen: FLIP IT AROUND, OKAY.
>> YEAH, IT'S MY TURN.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GIVE HIM ANY NOTES AS A FELLOW ACTOR?
SOMETIMES ACTORS WILL GO, HEY, THAT'S GREAT THERE.
DID YOU DO THAT IN THE MOVIE.
>> THERE WAS A LOT OF SHORTHAND BETWEEN US, BUT, YES, I'M SURE.
>> Stephen: I DIDN'T ASK YOU, SEAN.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: THIS IS HER INTERVIEW NOW.
HER INTERVIEW.
BEFORE I GO, I WANT TO KNOW, YOUR FATHER IS AN
EXTRAORDINARILY ACCOMPLISHED ACTOR.
DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE PERFORMANCE OF HIS?
>> YEAH.
I THINK -- I THINK THE TIDE, I AM SAM, AND MILK.
TIDE FOR ME.
I DON'T SEE HIM IN ANY OF THOSE.
>> Stephen: HE TOTALLY DISAPPEARS?
>> DO YOU SEE HIM IN JEFF FROM "FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH"?
>> I SEE MY BROTHER.
>> Stephen: HOW OLD WAS SHE BEFORE YOU LET HER WATCH FAST
TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH?
>> ONE FORGETS BECAUSE WHILE I THINK IT'S A FUNNY MOVIE, THERE
WERE -- LET'S SAY I HAD FORGOTTEN THERE WERE SOME PRETTY
RACY THINGS IN THERE.
SO WHATEVER AGE IT WAS, IT WAS TOO EARLY.
>> Stephen: DYLAN, SEAN, LOVELY TO MEET YOU.
ALWAYS GOOD TO SEE YOU, SEAN.
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: "FLAG DAY" IS IN THEATERS TOMORROW.
SEAN AND DYLAN PENN, EVERYBODY.
BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY CROWDED HOUSE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: AND NOW PERFORMING "TO THE ISLAND" FROM THEIR ALBUM
"DREAMERS ARE WAITING," CROWDED HOUSE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ YOU PICK ME UP WITH A SMILE FOR MY WEAKNESS
♪ I'M BITTERSWEET BUT YOU CARE ABOUT ME
♪ YOU FOUND ME LOST IN THE CHAOS AND CONFUSION
♪ YOU SAID IT'S POSSIBLE THAT WE CAN BE FREE
♪ YOU TAKE MY HAND AND THEN YOU SWEEP ME
♪ LET ME MOVE YOU (OFF MY FEET)
♪ COME TO THE ISLAND WHERE WE CAN SAVE OUR SOULS
♪ IT'S JUST THE RIGHT SIZE THE WORLD IS BEYOND US
♪ IT'S TOO ENORMOUS BUT OH, THE ISLAND
♪ IS JUST RIGHT IT'S THE PERFECT SIZE
♪ YOU PICK ME UP WITH THE PROMISE OF LOVE
♪ OUR NAMES ON THE DOOR AT THE ISLAND OF REAL
♪ YOU HAVE A WAY OF BEING GENTLE AND TOUGH
♪ IN EVERY SENSE I THINK YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL
♪ 'CAUSE I'M AFRAID OF THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND
♪ AND NOW I NEED A LITTLE HOPE ♪ OH, LET ME MOVE YOU
(THE CITIES COVERED IN SMOKE) ♪ COME TO THE ISLAND
(THE WHOLE SYSTEM'S BROKE) ♪ WHERE WE CAN SAVE OUR SOULS
♪ IT'S JUST THE RIGHT SIZE (FOR ME)
♪ THE WORLD IS BEYOND US (LET'S NOT GET INTO A FIGHT)
♪ IT'S TOO ENORMOUS (IRENE GOODNIGHT)
♪BUT OH, THE ISLAND IS JUST RIGHT
♪ IT'S THE PERFECT SIZE JUST RIGHT
♪ IT'S THE PERFECT SIZE (OVERLAPPING VOCALIZATIONS)
♪ AHH-AH-AH-AHHH-AH-AH-AH OH OH OH OHH
♪ WOO-O-OO-O-OOO AHH-AH-AH-AHHH-AH-AH-AH
♪ OH OH OH OHH WOO-O-OO-O-OOO
♪ THE WORLD IS BEYOND US (THIS JUST GOT REAL)
♪ IT'S TOO ENORMOUS (FELL UNDER THE WHEEL)
♪ BUT OH, THE ISLAND IS JUST RIGHT
♪ IT'S THE PERFECT SIZE FOR ME IS JUST RIGHT
♪ IT'S THE PERFECT SIZE FOR ME ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
...♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: COL CROWDED HOUSE, EVERYBODY!
CHECK OUT ANOTHER SONG FROM THEM AT COLBERTLATESHOW.COM!
>> Stephen: WELL, THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
GOOD NIGHT.