1 00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:02,502 >> ACCORDING TO EYE REPORT, SOME ANTI-VAXXERS THINK THAT THEIR 2 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:07,374 PURE SEMEN WILL SKY ROCK NET VALUE AND BECOME THE NEXT 3 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:11,544 BITCOIN, THEY BELIEVE THAT AS THE VACCINATED POPULATION 4 00:00:11,611 --> 00:00:13,580 EVENTUALLY CRUMBLES THE UNVACCINATED WILL HAVE TO REPOP 5 00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:17,984 LATE THE PLANET MAKING THEIR SPERM A VALUABLE COMMODITY, THIS 6 00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:21,955 DESPITE NUMEROUS STUDIES SHOWING THE VACCINE IS SAFE FOR MEN AND 7 00:00:22,021 --> 00:00:25,959 DOES NOT AFFECT SPERM PRODUCTION OR QUALITY. 8 00:00:26,025 --> 00:00:30,497 >> ARE YOU LOOKING FOR 100% ANTI-VACS MAN SEED THEN VISIT 9 00:00:30,563 --> 00:00:35,835 GARY'S MAN SEED EMPORIUM TODAY AND GET HIGH QUALITY AT ROCK 10 00:00:35,902 --> 00:00:41,474 BOTTOM PRICE, HOW DO I DO IT, I CAN'T REALLY SAY ON TELEVISION 11 00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:43,543 BUT REST ASSURE IT IS COMPLETELY VACCINEFREE, NOT ONLY HAVE I 12 00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:49,382 REFUSED MEDICAL BREAKTHROUGH BUT I ONLY PRODUCE THE FORMULA USING 13 00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:50,817 ANTISCIENCE PORN. 14 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:57,257 FLAT EARTH ROUND BUTT, FIVE G SPOT, PIZZA GATE DELIVERY GUYS 15 00:00:57,323 --> 00:00:59,859 AND OF COURSE-- TWO GIRLS WANT CONSPIRACY. 16 00:00:59,926 --> 00:01:03,897 TOP BY THE MAN SEED EMPORIUM TODAY WHERE I ALWAYS MAKE MY 17 00:01:03,963 --> 00:01:07,400 PREMIUM THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY, BY HAND. 18 00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:14,674 >> IT'S THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT. 19 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:21,915 STEPHEN WELCOMES DR. JON LaPOOK AND COMEDIAN FUMI ABE 20 00:01:21,981 --> 00:01:25,385 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 21 00:01:25,452 --> 00:01:29,856 AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 22 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:34,994 CITY IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 23 00:01:35,061 --> 00:01:35,762 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE). 24 00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:45,872 >> Stephen: HEY. 25 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,908 HEY. 26 00:01:48,975 --> 00:01:53,980 (APPLAUSE) GOOD TO SEE YOU. 27 00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:58,952 GOOD TO SEE YOU. 28 00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:01,054 (APPLAUSE) PLEASE V A SEAT, EVERYBODY, 29 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:02,555 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 30 00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:07,994 VERY KIND. 31 00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:13,299 >> Stephen: WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," I'M STEPHEN COLBERT. 32 00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:16,469 (APPLAUSE) YOU KNOW, FOLKS 33 00:02:16,536 --> 00:02:18,705 EVERY NIGHT I COME OUT HERE AND DO A MONOLOGUE. 34 00:02:18,771 --> 00:02:21,374 THIS IS ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS. 35 00:02:21,441 --> 00:02:23,943 LET'S RIP THE BANDAID OFF. 36 00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:26,346 THE TALIBAN HAVE TAKEN OVER AFGHANISTAN. 37 00:02:26,412 --> 00:02:29,816 THE U.S. HAS BEEN THERE FOR 20 YEARS, WE SPENT 2 TRILLION 38 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:36,422 DOLLARS, WE TRAINED A 300,000 STRONG AFGHAN ARMY, AND THE 39 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:37,490 TALIBAN TOOK IT OVER IN 10 DAYS. 40 00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:41,561 THE COUNTRY IS IN COMPLETE CHAOS. 41 00:02:41,628 --> 00:02:43,396 YESTERDAY, THE STREETS OF KABUL WERE JAMMED WITH CARS TRYING TO 42 00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:47,600 GET OUT OF THE CITY, PEOPLE FLOODED THE AIRPORTS TRYING TO 43 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:52,138 GET A PLANE OUT OF THE COUNTRY, AND HERE'S A MILITARY HELICOPTER 44 00:02:52,205 --> 00:02:55,375 EVACUATING FROM KABUL, WHICH HAS BEEN COMPARED TO THIS PHOTO OF 45 00:02:55,441 --> 00:03:00,980 THE EMBASSY AT SIAGON BEING EVACUATED AND OF THE HELICOPTER 46 00:03:01,047 --> 00:03:02,015 EVACUATING FROM KABUL: NOT A FLATTERING COMPARISON. 47 00:03:02,081 --> 00:03:03,182 YOU NEVER WANT TO SEE THIS REVIEW: 48 00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:04,250 THE FOOD WAS EXCELLENT AND THE LINE UP TO THE SALAD BAR WAS 49 00:03:04,317 --> 00:03:05,852 LIKE THE FALL OF SAIGON. 50 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:09,923 4 STARS. 51 00:03:09,989 --> 00:03:13,826 BUT THAT COMPARISON WAS REJECTED BY SECRETARY OF STATE AND MAN 52 00:03:13,893 --> 00:03:19,399 WHO LOOKS LIKE HE'S WATCHING CNN RIGHT NOW, ANTONY BLINKEN. 53 00:03:19,465 --> 00:03:22,268 BLINKEN WEAKLY SAID THIS, ON THIS WEEK: 54 00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:23,369 >> THIS IS MANIFESTLY NOT SAIGON. 55 00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:24,470 >> Stephen: TRUE. 56 00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:30,043 IN SAIGON, THEY SPEAK VIETNAMESE. 57 00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:32,345 NOW, CONTRARY TO EVERYTHING THEY'VE EVER DONE OR SAID, THE 58 00:03:32,412 --> 00:03:35,815 TALIBAN HAVE PROMISED THAT THIS TIME THEY'RE GOING TO RESPECT 59 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,284 WOMEN'S RIGHTS, BUT THE CRACK DOWN HAS ALREADY STARTED. 60 00:03:38,351 --> 00:03:41,854 AT A BANK IN KANDAHAR, ARMED TALIBAN GUNMEN FORCED WOMEN 61 00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:44,390 WORKING THERE TO LEAVE THE BANK, AND TOLD THEM MALE RELATIVES 62 00:03:44,457 --> 00:03:48,394 COULD TAKE THEIR PLACE. 63 00:03:48,461 --> 00:03:49,395 THAT'S AWFUL. 64 00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:52,365 ALSO, NOT GOOD HIRING PRACTICE. 65 00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:53,800 (AS DOCTOR) MR WILSON, UNFORTUNATELY, AS A 66 00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:55,401 WOMAN, I CANNOT PERFORM YOUR OPEN-HEART SURGERY TODAY. 67 00:03:55,468 --> 00:04:00,673 BUT YOU WILL BE IN GREAT HANDS WITH MY COUSIN DYLAN. 68 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:10,717 HE'S NOT A DOCTOR, BUT HE DOES HAVE A PENIS. 69 00:04:10,783 --> 00:04:18,524 HE'S NOT A DOCTOR, BUT HE DOES HAVE A PENIS. 70 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:19,492 (APPLAUSE) BECAUSE HE'S THE PRESIDENT, 71 00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:24,664 PRESIDENT BIDEN'S GETTING A LOT OF CRITICISM. 72 00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:28,601 HERE'S ABC'S MARTHA RADDATZ: >> YOU ALSO HAD A REALLY MASSIVE 73 00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:30,970 INTELLIGENCE FAILURE HERE THAT THE U.S. DID NOT REALIZE HOW 74 00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:33,373 QUICKLY THE TALIBAN COULD TAKE OVER. 75 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:36,976 >> MASSIVE INTELLIGENCE FAILURE. 76 00:04:37,043 --> 00:04:38,344 >> Stephen: IT'S GOTTA STING WHEN PEOPLE DESCRIBE YOUR 77 00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:42,715 FOREIGN POLICY THE SAME WAY THEY'D DESCRIBE RON DeSANTIS. 78 00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:47,754 THE WHITE HOUSE TRIED TO GET AHEAD OF THE BAD PRESS BY 79 00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:49,389 RELEASING THIS PHOTO OF BIDEN IN A VIRTUAL MEETING WITH TOP 80 00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:50,657 SECURITY OFFICIALS. 81 00:04:50,723 --> 00:04:54,594 BUT ALL PEOPLE COULD TALK ABOUT WAS THE FACT THAT THE CLOCK HAS 82 00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:59,432 THE WRONG TIMES FOR LONDON AND MOSCOW SPARKING CONSPIRACY THAT 83 00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:00,533 THE PIC WAS STAGED. 84 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:01,968 COME ON, PEOPLE. 85 00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:05,972 LET'S NOT NITPICK. 86 00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:07,407 THE ONLY CLOCK THAT MATTERS IS THE ONE IN AFGHANISTAN, AND IT'S 87 00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:10,810 JUST BEEN RESET TO THE THIRTEENTH CENTURY. 88 00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:13,112 PLUS, IF IT WAS STAGED, WOULD THEY HAVE PUT HIM COMPLETELY 89 00:05:13,179 --> 00:05:15,415 ALONE AT THE CONFERENCE TABLE? 90 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:19,318 APPARENTLY THERE'S ALSO BEEN A RAPID WITHDRAWAL FROM JOE BIDEN. 91 00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:21,954 HE LOOKS LIKE THE ONLY GRANDPA IN THE DAYROOM WATCHING 92 00:05:22,021 --> 00:05:25,992 JEOPARDY. 93 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:30,229 CAN WE GET A CLOSER LOOK AT WHO HE'S TALKING TO? 94 00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:33,966 OKAY THERE'S KAMALA HARRIS, THE CIA, 95 00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:35,334 AND, J.F.K.? 96 00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:36,602 MAKES SENSE. 97 00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:41,107 IF YOU NEED ADVICE ON HANDLING A COMPLETE AIRPORT MELTDOWN, LOOK 98 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:45,111 NO FURTHER THAN J.F.K.. 99 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:49,415 THE CINNABON IN TERMINAL 2? 100 00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:59,625 LIKE THE FALL OF SAIGON. 101 00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:01,527 IT'S HARD TO ARGUE THAT THE WHITE HOUSE DIDN'T SHANK THE 102 00:06:01,594 --> 00:06:04,797 WITHDRAWAL. 103 00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:06,899 TAKE A LOOK AT BIDEN FROM JULY 8TH. 104 00:06:06,966 --> 00:06:10,670 >> THE LIKELIHOOD THERE'S GOING TO BE THE TALIBAN OVERRUNNING 105 00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:13,740 EVERYTHING AND OWNING THE WHOLE COUNTRY IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY. 106 00:06:13,806 --> 00:06:17,110 >> Stephen: WOW. 107 00:06:17,176 --> 00:06:18,211 THAT'S THE MOST INACCURATE PREDICTION FROM A PRESIDENT 108 00:06:18,277 --> 00:06:28,955 SINCE ABE LINCOLN SAID, "SEE YOU AFTER THE PLAY." 109 00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:29,989 (LAUGHTER). 110 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,124 >> Stephen: TOO SOON? 111 00:06:31,190 --> 00:06:31,758 TOO SOON? 112 00:06:31,824 --> 00:06:34,460 >> Jon: TOO SOON, TOO SOON. 113 00:06:34,527 --> 00:06:37,630 >> Stephen: IT SOON REPUBLICANS WERE QUICK TO POINT 114 00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:38,831 THE FINGER. 115 00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:40,600 INCLUDING THE FORMER PRESIDENT WHO CALLED ON BIDEN TO 'RESIGN 116 00:06:40,666 --> 00:06:43,035 IN DISGRACE' OVER AFGHANISTAN. 117 00:06:43,102 --> 00:06:46,272 PRETTY WEIRD TO BLAME BIDEN FOR WITHDRAWING TROOPS, WHEN THIS 118 00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:49,408 SUMMER, HE WAS CLAIMING CREDIT FOR IT: 119 00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:50,643 >> I STARTED THE PROCESS, ALL THE TROOPS ARE COMING BACK HOME, 120 00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:53,946 THEY COULDN'T STOP THE PROCESS. 121 00:06:54,013 --> 00:06:55,414 21 YEARS IS ENOUGH. 122 00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:57,083 DON'T WE THINK? 123 00:06:57,150 --> 00:07:02,021 THEY COULDN'T STOP THE PROCESS, THEY WANTED TO, BUT IT WAS VERY 124 00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,189 TOUGH TO STOP THE PROCESS. 125 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,958 >> Stephen: YES, THEY WANTED TO, BUT THEY COULDN'T STOP THE 126 00:07:06,025 --> 00:07:06,959 PROCESS. 127 00:07:07,026 --> 00:07:13,966 ALSO, HOW HE DESCRIBES THE BIRTH OF ERIC. 128 00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:21,974 DAD IT'S YOUR LITTLE QUAGMIRE IT'S TOO LATE TO WITHDRAW FROM 129 00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:30,116 ME. 130 00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:33,986 THE FORMER PRESIDENT IS RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING. 131 00:07:34,053 --> 00:07:37,356 HIS POLICIES ARE EQUALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE TALIBAN'S 132 00:07:37,423 --> 00:07:38,591 TAKEOVER. 133 00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:43,396 AFTER ALL, HE REDUCED OUR TROOP PRESENCE FROM 15,000 TO 2,500. 134 00:07:43,462 --> 00:07:45,898 THE CEASEFIRE HE NEGOTIATED WAS WITH THE TALIBAN. 135 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:48,801 HE DIDN'T EVEN INCLUDE THE AFGHAN GOVERNMENT. 136 00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:54,607 THEN, HE WENT BACK AND CONVINCED THE AFGHAN GOVERNMENT TO RELEASE 137 00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:58,177 5,000 TALIBAN PRISONERS, MANY OF WHOM ARE CURRENTLY FIGHTING IN 138 00:07:58,244 --> 00:08:01,414 KABUL, WHILE ALSO AGREEING TO PULL ALL TROOPS BY MAY 1. 139 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:02,849 SO YOU CAN'T PUT ALL THE BLAME FOR A DEBACLE YOU HELPED SET THE 140 00:08:02,915 --> 00:08:05,818 STAGE FOR. 141 00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:09,956 THAT'S LIKE ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER CALLING CATS A TERRIBLE MOVIE. 142 00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:13,426 YOU WROTE A MUSICAL WITH NO PLOT HOW DID YOU THINK THIS WAS GOING 143 00:08:13,492 --> 00:08:23,603 TO END? 144 00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:25,404 THIS AFTERNOON, IN THE FACE OF MOUNTING CRITICISM, 145 00:08:25,471 --> 00:08:29,308 PRESIDENT BIDEN RETURNED TO THE WHITE HOUSE FROM CAMP DAVID. 146 00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:31,410 HAS CAMP DAVID BEEN OVERRUN BY THE TALIBAN? 147 00:08:31,477 --> 00:08:31,878 NOT YET? 148 00:08:31,944 --> 00:08:34,747 LITTLE VICTORIES. 149 00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:40,853 IN THE SPEECH, BIDEN POINTED OUT THAT OUR AFGHAN ALLIES DID NOT 150 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:43,422 SHOW THE WILL TO FIGHT: >> AFGHANISTAN POLITICAL LEADERS 151 00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:48,394 GAVE UP AND FLED THE COUNTRY. 152 00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:49,962 THE AFGHAN MILITARY COLLAPSED, SOMETIME WITHOUT TRYING TO 153 00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:53,933 FIGHT. 154 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,602 IF ANYTHING, THE DEVELOPMENTS OF THE PAST WEEK REINFORCED THAT 155 00:08:56,669 --> 00:09:01,407 ENDING US MILITARY INVOLVEMENT IN AFGHANISTAN NOW WAS THE RIGHT 156 00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:05,978 DECISION. 157 00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:08,314 AMERICAN TROOPS CANNOT AND SHOULD NOT BE FIGHTING IN A WAR 158 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:13,419 AND DYING IN A WAR THAT AFGHAN FORCES ARE NOT WILLING TO FIGHT 159 00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:13,986 FOR THEMSELVES. 160 00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:16,022 >> Stephen: HE'S RIGHT. 161 00:09:16,088 --> 00:09:21,093 WE HAVE HAD TROOPS THERE FOR 20 YEARS, THEY FOUGHT, THEY 162 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:25,398 SACRIFICED, THEIR FAMILIES SACRIFICED, SO THAT WE WOULDN'T 163 00:09:25,464 --> 00:09:29,335 HAVE A TERRORIST ATTACK PLANNED IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY. 164 00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:30,503 WHY SHOULD OUR SOLDIERS BE FIGHTING RADICALS IN A CIVIL WAR 165 00:09:30,569 --> 00:09:31,404 IN AFGHANISTAN? 166 00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:41,981 WE'VE GOT OUR OWN ON CAPITOL HILL. 167 00:09:42,048 --> 00:09:44,283 (APPLAUSE) THEN BIDEN POINTED OUT THE U.S. 168 00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:47,086 DID EVERYTHING WE COULD FOR THE AFGHANS: 169 00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:52,858 >> WE GAVE THEM EVERY TOOL THEY COULD NEED. 170 00:09:52,925 --> 00:10:01,367 WE PAID THEIR SALARIES, PROVIDE FOR THE MAINTENANCE OF THEIR AIR 171 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,537 WE DWAIF THEM EVERY CHANCE TO DETERMINE THEIR OWN FUTURE. 172 00:10:04,603 --> 00:10:09,976 WHAT WE COULD NOT PROVIDE THEM WAS THE WILL TO FIGHT FOR THAT 173 00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:11,110 FUTURE. 174 00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:12,345 >> Stephen: JUST A THOUGHT, MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE CHECKED 175 00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:13,279 WITH THE AFGHAN ARMY IF THEY HAD THE WILL 'BEFORE' WE GAVE THEM 176 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:14,547 THE TOOLS AND WEAPONS? 177 00:10:14,613 --> 00:10:17,550 BECAUSE NOW THE TALIBAN HAS THE WILL 'AND' THE WEAPONS, AND THE 178 00:10:17,616 --> 00:10:18,751 FORMER AFGHAN ARMY SOLDIERS ARE HOME RUBBING MIRACLE GROW ON 179 00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:25,391 THEIR FACE TO TRY TO SQUEEZE OUT A BEARD. 180 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:26,559 BY DAWN. 181 00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:27,727 IN THE END, BIDEN ARGUED THAT WHENEVER WE PULLED OUT, THE 182 00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:30,796 TALIBAN WOULD TAKE OVER. 183 00:10:30,863 --> 00:10:34,934 >> EVENTS WE'RE SEEING NOW ARE SADLY PROOF NO AMOUNT OF 184 00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:41,841 MILITARY FORCE WOULD EVER DELIVER A STABLE, UNITED SECURE 185 00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:47,079 AFGHANISTAN KNOWN IN HISTORIES THE GRAVEYARD OF EMPIRES. 186 00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:49,682 WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW COULD JUST AS EASILY HAPPEN FIVE YEARS AGO 187 00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:51,917 OR 15 YEARS IN THE FUTURE. 188 00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:53,953 >> Stephen: YES. 189 00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:54,553 WE'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 YEARS. 190 00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:55,788 4 ADMINISTRATIONS. 191 00:10:55,855 --> 00:10:58,591 THE FIRST TWO, ONE REPUBLICAN, ONE DEMOCRAT, SAID WE MUST STAY 192 00:10:58,657 --> 00:11:01,394 IN AFGHANISTAN. 193 00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:02,595 THE LAST TWO, ONE REPUBLICAN AND ONE DEMOCRAT, SAID NAH, IT'S 194 00:11:02,661 --> 00:11:03,863 TIME TO GO. 195 00:11:03,929 --> 00:11:05,965 AND THE AMERICAN PEOPLE AGREED. 196 00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:07,066 BOTH TIMES. 197 00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:13,139 AS RECENTLY AS LAST MONTH, AN OVERWHELMING MAJORITY OF 198 00:11:13,205 --> 00:11:17,309 AMERICANS - 70% OR MORE - SUPPORTED BIDEN'S WITHDRAWAL. 199 00:11:17,376 --> 00:11:18,277 70% YOU KNOW HOW FEW THINGS 70% OF 200 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:21,213 AMERICANS AGREE ON? 201 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:25,951 I THINK THIS, AND EXTRA CHEESE. 202 00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:29,321 WHICH ALSO OFTEN ENDS BADLY. 203 00:11:29,388 --> 00:11:33,926 AND FASTER THAN YOU PLANNED. 204 00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:35,261 SO, GOING IN? 205 00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:37,396 BIPARTISAN. 206 00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:37,763 LEAVING? 207 00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:41,967 BIPARTISAN. 208 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:44,804 OR MAYBE NON-PARTISAN, BECAUSE FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS NO ONE HAS 209 00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:53,979 WANTED TO TALK ABOUT AFGHANISTAN. 210 00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:57,183 WHAT WE DO EVERY NIGHT, IS TO TALK ABOUT WHATEVER THE NATIONAL 211 00:11:57,249 --> 00:12:02,188 KFERLINGS WAS ON THE DAILY BASIS JIM, PLAY THE SIZZLE REEL OF ALL 212 00:12:02,254 --> 00:12:04,690 THE TIMES I'VE TALKED ABOUT AFGHANISTAN ON THE LATE SHOW: 213 00:12:04,757 --> 00:12:06,759 (LOW WIND AND RUSTLING BRANCHES) >> Stephen: SO WHAT'S HAPPENING 214 00:12:06,826 --> 00:12:09,662 NOW IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF BOTH PARTIES, AND THE AMERICAN 215 00:12:09,728 --> 00:12:12,164 PEOPLE WHO VOTED THEM INTO OFFICE. 216 00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:15,301 SO, CHILDREN AND CONVICTS, YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK. 217 00:12:15,367 --> 00:12:21,974 ALSO, THANKS FOR WATCHING. 218 00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:22,775 AND MAYBE BIDEN'S RIGHT. 219 00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:25,244 MAYBE THERE WAS NO GOOD ALTERNATIVE. 220 00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:28,848 WERE WE NEVER SUPPOSED TO LEAVE? 221 00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:29,815 MAKE AFGHANISTAN THE 51ST STATE? 222 00:12:29,882 --> 00:12:41,694 THEY'D HAVE BETTER COVID NUMBERS THAN FLORIDA. 223 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:42,628 PLAWS PLAWS SO SO YOU CAN MAKE US ACCEPT THAT 224 00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:43,829 THERE WAS NO GOOD ALTERNATIVE. 225 00:12:43,896 --> 00:12:46,532 BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE US FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT. 226 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:49,401 THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO CAN FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS ARE THE SERVICE 227 00:12:49,468 --> 00:12:52,905 MEMBERS AND THEIR FAMILIES WHO AREN'T GONNA SEE SOLDIERS SENT 228 00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:54,573 INTO HARM'S WAY FOR NO REASON THAT THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF OF 229 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,208 EITHER PARTY CAN ARTCULATE. 230 00:12:56,275 --> 00:13:05,217 BUT THERE IS ONE MORE THING: FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS, 4 SEPARATE 231 00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:07,119 ADMINISTRATIONS TOLD US TO CARE ABOUT THE PLIGHT OF ALL THE 232 00:13:07,186 --> 00:13:07,653 AFGHAN PEOPLE. 233 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,955 ESPECIALLY THE WOMEN. 234 00:13:10,022 --> 00:13:13,359 AND WE DID. 235 00:13:13,425 --> 00:13:15,728 THAT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE. 236 00:13:15,794 --> 00:13:18,130 ALL THAT'S CHANGED IS THAT THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT 237 00:13:18,197 --> 00:13:19,231 IT NOW. 238 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:22,234 SO, PULLING OUT MAY BE THE RIGHT THING TO DO, BUT IT'S 239 00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:25,404 HEARTBREAKING, IT'S HUMBLING WHEN THE RIGHT THING FEELS SO 240 00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,673 WRONG. 241 00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:33,479 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, MY GUEST IS CBS CHIEF 242 00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:37,416 MEDICAL CORRESPONDENT DR JON LAPOOK. 243 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:41,987 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'RE GONNA LIGHTEN THINGS UP WITH 244 00:13:42,054 --> 00:13:45,958 SOME NEWS ABOUT COVID. 245 00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:49,461 STICK AROUND. 246 00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:28,968 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK. 247 00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:40,679 LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE, STAY HUMAN. 248 00:14:40,746 --> 00:14:43,282 THANK YOU JON, DELIGHTFUL. 249 00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:48,420 COMING UP IN JUST A MINUTE, JON, YOU KNOW WHO IS THE GREATEST 250 00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:52,925 MEDICAL CORRESPONDENT ON TV, DR. JON LaPOOK. 251 00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:57,596 WE'VE HAD MR. LaPOOK ON MANY TIMES OVER THE COVID CRISIS AND 252 00:14:57,663 --> 00:14:58,931 HE'S ON AGAIN TONIGHT. 253 00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:03,068 WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT T IT IS NOT JUST THAT HE IS INFORMED, IT IS 254 00:15:03,135 --> 00:15:07,373 THAT HE HAS GOT A FUNNY NAME, LaPOOK. 255 00:15:07,439 --> 00:15:08,741 >> Jon: ST A COME DOE SHOW. 256 00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:11,010 >> Stephen: IT DOESN'T TAKE ANYTHING AWAY FROM HIS 257 00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:12,878 ACCOMPLISHMENTS OR INTELLIGENCE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT BUT WHEN 258 00:15:12,945 --> 00:15:18,751 YOU TALK ABOUT A HEAVY SUBJECT LIKE COVID, EVERY TIME YOU SAY 259 00:15:18,817 --> 00:15:23,789 DR. LaPOOK, IT SAY LITTLE FUNNY, JUST A LITTLE FUNNY, THAT 260 00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:24,356 HELPS. 261 00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:25,557 >> Jon: EASY ICEBREAKER. 262 00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:28,727 >> Stephen: BALANCES THINGS OUT. 263 00:15:28,794 --> 00:15:29,728 FOLKS >> Stephen: HERE IN THE STATES, 264 00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:31,163 WE'RE DEALING WITH OUR OWN SHOCKINGLY FAST SURGE. 265 00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:35,301 EXPERTS ARE NOW SAYING THAT DUE TO THE DELTA VARIANT, THE FOURTH 266 00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:35,968 WAVE OF COVID-19 IN THE U.S. 267 00:15:36,035 --> 00:15:41,307 COULD BE WORSE THAN THE THIRD. 268 00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:46,078 ARE YOU SURE THERE'S NOT MORE I COULD TALK ABOUT IN AFGHANISTAN? 269 00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:48,580 ALL RIGHT, THIS COVID NEWS COMES FROM 270 00:15:48,647 --> 00:15:49,682 DIRECTOR OF THE NATIONAL INSTITUTES OF HEALTH AND 271 00:15:49,748 --> 00:15:53,619 INFECTIOUS DISEASE PROP COMIC, FRANCIS COLLINS. 272 00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:57,956 YESTERDAY, COLLINS BROKE DOWN JUST HOW BAD IT COULD GET: 273 00:15:58,023 --> 00:16:01,193 >> I WILL BE SURPRISED IF WE DON'T CROSS 200,000 CASES A DAY 274 00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:03,295 IN THE NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKS AND THAT'S HEARTBREAKING CONSIDERING 275 00:16:03,362 --> 00:16:07,166 WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD BE BACK IN THAT SPACE AGAIN. 276 00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:09,702 >> Stephen: NO. 277 00:16:09,768 --> 00:16:11,737 WE CAN'T GO BACK TO THAT SPACE AGAIN, OR ELSE I'LL HAVE TO GO 278 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:15,474 BACK TO 'THIS' SPACE AGAIN. 279 00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:18,277 IF I'M GOING THERE, ALL OF YOU ARE COMING WITH ME I'LL FIT YOU 280 00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:20,979 IN EVEN IF IT MEANS I HAVE TO CHOP YOU INTO CUBES AND STACK 281 00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:33,158 YOU LIKE LEGO, I WILL NOT BE ALONE AGAIN. 282 00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:37,096 DELTA IS TAKING A HUGE TOLL ON THE UNVACCINATED-- A GROUP THAT 283 00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:41,100 INCLUDES CHILDREN AND PEOPLE ACTING LIKE CHILDREN. 284 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:45,871 AND THE REST OF US ARE STARTING TO GET PISSED OFF. 285 00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:49,174 IN A NEW CBS/YOU GOV/ME TARZAN POLL, AMONG CALIFORNIANS WHO'VE 286 00:16:49,241 --> 00:16:53,679 GOTTEN THEIR SHOTS, 59% SAY THE UNVACCINATED ARE PUTTING PEOPLE 287 00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:55,180 LIKE ME AT RISK, WHILE 47% SAY THE UNVACCINATED MAKE ME UPSET 288 00:16:55,247 --> 00:16:59,485 OR ANGRY. 289 00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:01,186 UPSET OR ANGRY? 290 00:17:01,253 --> 00:17:03,322 WHY CHOOSE? 291 00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:07,192 THOSE ARE TWO GREAT FLAVORS THAT GO GREAT TOGETHER. 292 00:17:07,259 --> 00:17:11,363 LIKE PEANUT BUTTER AND WHISKEY. 293 00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:12,564 IT'S BEEN A LONG PANDEMIC. 294 00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:15,501 BECAUSE OF THE DELTA SURGE, STARTING TODAY, NEW YORK CITY IS 295 00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:18,737 REQUIRING PROOF OF VACCINATION FOR INDOOR DINING, GYMS, AND 296 00:17:18,804 --> 00:17:19,838 ENTERTAINMENT. 297 00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:24,643 I'M SO HAPPY I'M VACCINATED -- FOR TWO OF THOSE THREE. 298 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:30,382 IF MY GYM ASKS, I'M SCARED OF BILL GATES. 299 00:17:30,449 --> 00:17:33,018 IF YOU'RE IN THE CITY AND WANT TO ATTEND A PREMIERE CULTURAL 300 00:17:33,085 --> 00:17:45,764 INSTITUTION, LIKE, LET'S SAY, THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER, YOU CAN 301 00:17:45,831 --> 00:17:49,234 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) SIMPLY , SHOW YOUR VACCINATION 302 00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:51,236 CARD. 303 00:17:51,303 --> 00:17:54,740 AND THEY WILL CHECK TO MAKE SURE IT'S REAL-- IT'S GOTTA HAVE THE 304 00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:59,478 C.D.C. LOGO AND BE ALL BENT UP FROM BEING TOO BIG FOR YOUR 305 00:17:59,545 --> 00:18:01,180 WALLET. 306 00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:03,482 AND IT'S IMPORTANT CUZ FAKE VACCINE I.D.s ARE OUT 307 00:18:03,549 --> 00:18:04,950 THERE. 308 00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,785 OVER THE WEEKEND, FEDERAL AGENTS SEIZED THOUSANDS OF FAKE COVID 309 00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:10,389 VACCINATION CARDS DESTINED FOR LOCATIONS ACROSS THE U.S.. 310 00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:13,192 THEY BECAME SUSPICIOUS WHEN THEY NOTICED THE FORMS HAD ERRORS, 311 00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:15,627 INCLUDING MISSPELLINGS, UNFINISHED WORDS AND INCORRECT 312 00:18:15,694 --> 00:18:17,262 SPANISH TRANSLATIONS. 313 00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:23,502 SO DO NOT TRUST ANY CARD THAT CLAIMS TO SHOW: 314 00:18:23,569 --> 00:18:30,108 "PORF OF VARXINATION AGINT EL NOW, ANTI-VAXERS HAVE ALL KINDS 315 00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:34,279 OF STUPID REASONS THEY OPPOSE GETTING THEIR SHOTS. 316 00:18:34,346 --> 00:18:37,182 BUT MAYBE THE STUPIDEST IS THAT THEY THINK THEIR 'PURE' SEMEN 317 00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:40,786 WILL SKYROCKET IN VALUE. 318 00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:42,688 I GUESS THAT SPAM EMAIL WAS TELLING THE TRUTH: YOU REALLY 319 00:18:42,754 --> 00:18:51,497 CN MAKE TONS OF MONEY FROM HOME. 320 00:18:51,563 --> 00:18:53,966 IT SHOULD BE NOTED THAT STUDIES HAVE DEFINITIVELY SHOWN THAT 321 00:18:54,032 --> 00:18:55,200 GETTING VACCINATED DOES NOT, IN FACT, AFFECT SPERM QUALITY OR 322 00:18:55,267 --> 00:18:58,203 COUNT. 323 00:18:58,270 --> 00:19:01,173 BUT SOME COVID TRUTHERS HAVE CLAIMED THAT THE VACCINE CAUSES 324 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,475 MASS MALE INFERTILITY AND THAT ALL MALES WHO HAVE BEEN 325 00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:07,179 VACCINATED ARE EFFECTIVELY STERILE. 326 00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:11,517 SOUNDS FISHY, BUT I WILL POINT OUT, THEY VACCINATED PEOPLE OVER 327 00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:22,494 75 FIRST, AND EVER SINCE, NONE OF THEM HAVE HAD KIDS. 328 00:19:22,561 --> 00:19:24,963 WITH QUALITY SPERM SUPPOSEDLY HARD TO FIND, ANTI-VAXERS THINK 329 00:19:25,030 --> 00:19:29,701 UNVACCINATED SPERM WILL BE THE NEXT BITCOIN. 330 00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:34,306 SO, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, YOU CAN INVEST IN A "SPANK BANK." 331 00:19:34,373 --> 00:19:37,175 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CBS CHIEF MEDICAL CORRESPONDENT DR 332 00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:39,845 JON LAPOOK. 333 00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:40,979 (APPLAUSE) 334 00:19:56,728 --> 00:20:00,666 LAY, EVERYBODY >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK. 335 00:20:00,732 --> 00:20:08,373 MY FIRST GUEST IS A PHYSICIAN AND PROFESSOR OF MEDICINE AT 336 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:09,575 N.Y.U. LANGONE WHO SERVES AS CHIEF MEDICAL CORRESPONDENT FOR 337 00:20:09,641 --> 00:20:10,642 CBS NEWS. 338 00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:20,686 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE SHOW, DR JON LAPOOK 339 00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:32,664 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE SHOW, DR JON LAPOOK 340 00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:36,568 (APPLAUSE) >> WOW. 341 00:20:36,635 --> 00:20:40,505 >> Stephen: DOCTOR, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 342 00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:44,776 THOUGH I WAS HOPING TO NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN, IN A PROFESSIONAL 343 00:20:44,843 --> 00:20:45,811 CAPACITY. 344 00:20:45,877 --> 00:20:46,478 >> AND GOOD DAY TO YOU, SIR. 345 00:20:46,545 --> 00:20:48,146 >> Stephen: EXACTLY. 346 00:20:48,213 --> 00:20:49,381 WELL, YOU HAVE BEEN GREAT. 347 00:20:49,448 --> 00:20:54,486 YOU HAVE BEEN GREAT TO TALK TO OVER THE LAST 17 MONTH NOW, 17, 348 00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:55,354 18 MONTH OF COVID. 349 00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:57,789 YOU HAVE COME ON THE SHOW MANY TIMES. 350 00:20:57,856 --> 00:21:00,325 THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE HAVE EVER ACTUALLY-- WE HAVE NEVER 351 00:21:00,392 --> 00:21:02,127 SPOKEN IN PERSON, HAVE WE. 352 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:02,761 >> WELL, ONE TIME. 353 00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:03,996 >> Stephen: OVER THE PHONE? 354 00:21:04,062 --> 00:21:07,466 >> ONE TIME FOR TWO SECONDS AT CBS NEWS WHERE I'M CHIEF MEDICAL 355 00:21:07,532 --> 00:21:11,136 CORRESPONDENT YOU WERE UP THERE WITH KATIE COURIC AND WE CAME BY 356 00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:12,671 AND I SAID HY, YOU SAID HY. 357 00:21:12,738 --> 00:21:13,772 >> Stephen: HY. 358 00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:18,910 SO YOU HAVE BEEN GREAT OVER THE LAST YEAR AND A HALF. 359 00:21:18,977 --> 00:21:22,748 BASICALLY GIVING US THE STRAIGHT DOPE ON WHAT IS HAPPENING AND 360 00:21:22,814 --> 00:21:24,683 WHAT THE BEST PRACTICES ARE. 361 00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:27,886 I KIND OF THOUGHT I HAD EVERYTHING COMPARTMENTALIZED IN 362 00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:28,487 MY HEAD. 363 00:21:28,553 --> 00:21:30,222 I'M FEELING CONFUSED NOW. 364 00:21:30,288 --> 00:21:32,824 IN THAT REGARD I THINK I'M NOT UNCOMMON. 365 00:21:32,891 --> 00:21:36,528 YOU SAID AT ONE POINT THIS COVID WILL HAVE A BEGINNING, MIDDLE 366 00:21:36,595 --> 00:21:37,496 AND END. 367 00:21:37,562 --> 00:21:39,798 WHERE ARE WE IN THAT PROCESS? 368 00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:42,768 IS THIS THE END OF THE BEGINNING, THE BEGINNING OF THE 369 00:21:42,834 --> 00:21:46,772 END OR THE MIDDLE OF THE MIDDLE? 370 00:21:46,838 --> 00:21:50,342 >> SO FIRST OF ALL WE ARE A LOT BETTER OFF THAN WE WERE A YEAR 371 00:21:50,409 --> 00:21:51,410 AGO. 372 00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:54,146 I THINK WHAT HAPPENED IN THE LAST YEAR, WE HAVE THIS 373 00:21:54,212 --> 00:21:56,114 ASTONISHINGLY EFFECTIVE AND SAFE VACCINE. 374 00:21:56,181 --> 00:21:58,417 WE HAVE THERAPEUTICS. 375 00:21:58,483 --> 00:22:04,489 WE HAVE THE REMDESIVIR, MONO CLONAL ANTIBODIES, WE NOW KNOW 376 00:22:04,556 --> 00:22:08,226 SO MUCH MORE THANKS TO THE SCIENTISTS, BLESS THEM, ABOUT 377 00:22:08,293 --> 00:22:11,997 HOW THO PROTECT OURSELVES THROUGH VENTILATION AND 378 00:22:12,064 --> 00:22:13,165 FILTRATION. 379 00:22:13,231 --> 00:22:14,466 REMEMBER A YEAR AGO WE WERE TALKING ABOUT IF YOU WERE SIX 380 00:22:14,533 --> 00:22:19,171 FEET OR MORE FROM SOMEBODY YOU WOULD BE FACE, NOW THE AEROSOL 381 00:22:19,237 --> 00:22:21,673 SCIENTISTS SAID NO, NO, THESE VIRUSES CAN FLOAT ACROSS THE 382 00:22:21,740 --> 00:22:25,811 ROOM AND AEROSOLS AND CAN BUILD UP IF THERE IS NOT GOOD 383 00:22:25,877 --> 00:22:27,012 VENTILATION. 384 00:22:27,079 --> 00:22:28,213 YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT MORE LIKE SIGNIFICANT RED SMOKE. 385 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,749 IF YOU WERE INSIDE WITHOUT A MASK AND SOMEBODY WAS SMOKING 15 386 00:22:30,816 --> 00:22:33,385 FEET AWAY, COULD YOU SMELL IT, YEAH, SO THEN THE VIRUS CAN GET 387 00:22:33,452 --> 00:22:34,119 TO YOU. 388 00:22:34,186 --> 00:22:36,521 AND THEN WE LEARNED ABOUT MASKS. 389 00:22:36,588 --> 00:22:39,791 LOTS OF STUFFEDDEES, THEY ARE TOUGH TO DO PERFECTLY BUT WE 390 00:22:39,858 --> 00:22:43,228 KNOW THAT THEY HAVE CONCLUDED THAT MASKS ARE EFFECTIVE. 391 00:22:43,295 --> 00:22:46,865 THE BETTER THE MASK, THE MORE EFFECTIVE, AND FINALLY TESTING. 392 00:22:46,932 --> 00:22:49,367 A YEAR AGO WE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TESTS, WE STILL DON'T REALLY 393 00:22:49,434 --> 00:22:53,839 HAVE ENOUGH TEST BUT WE HAVE HOME TESTING, WE HAVE TO 394 00:22:53,905 --> 00:22:55,040 IMPLEMENT THOSE MORE. 395 00:22:55,107 --> 00:22:58,477 BEGINNING OF MAY EVERYTHING LOOKED GREAT, MY KNEES IT T HAD 396 00:22:58,543 --> 00:23:03,515 A WEDDING THAT WAS INDOORS WITH 143 PEOPLE AND NOBODY WAS MASKED 397 00:23:03,582 --> 00:23:05,784 AND EVERYBODY WAS VACCINATED AND WE THOUGHT OKAY, WE'RE OUT OF 398 00:23:05,851 --> 00:23:08,687 THE WOODS AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, NOT SO FAST. 399 00:23:08,754 --> 00:23:12,691 AND THE NOT SO FAST WAS BECAUSE OF TWO THINGS. 400 00:23:12,758 --> 00:23:15,994 ONE IS DELTA. 401 00:23:16,061 --> 00:23:19,397 BACK IN MAY DELTA WAS 1 PERCENT OF THE NUMBER OF CASES. 402 00:23:19,464 --> 00:23:22,501 >> Stephen: I REMEMBER WHEN WE FIRST STARTED TALKING ABOUT IT. 403 00:23:22,567 --> 00:23:23,135 >> YEAH. 404 00:23:23,201 --> 00:23:26,772 AND NOW IT IS MORE THAN 90%. 405 00:23:26,838 --> 00:23:29,441 ONE OF THESE VARIANT, AND MUCH MORE DANGEROUS, A THOUSAND TIMES 406 00:23:29,508 --> 00:23:31,510 THE CONCENTRATION OF VIRUS IN THE NOSE. 407 00:23:31,576 --> 00:23:34,079 >> Stephen: MORE DANGEROUS IN THAT IT SPHREDS FASTER OR THAT 408 00:23:34,146 --> 00:23:37,015 IF YOU ARE GETTING IT TU ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE SERIOUSLY ILL 409 00:23:37,082 --> 00:23:38,250 IF NOT VACCINATED. 410 00:23:38,316 --> 00:23:40,519 >> GREAT QUESTION, BECAUSE ST PROBABLY BOTH. 411 00:23:40,585 --> 00:23:41,987 >> Stephen: THAT IS ALL I DO, BABY. 412 00:23:42,053 --> 00:23:45,123 >> I WILL TRY TO GIVE YOU FAIR TO MIDLAND ANSWERS. 413 00:23:45,190 --> 00:23:46,224 >> Stephen: OKAY. 414 00:23:46,291 --> 00:23:48,527 >> DEFINITELY MORE CON TABLING TOSS. 415 00:23:48,593 --> 00:23:51,797 IT TURNS OUT THAT THE ORIGINAL THE ALPHA STRAIN, THE LAST 416 00:23:51,863 --> 00:23:53,331 VARIANT, ONE PERSON COULD INFECT TWO PEOPLE. 417 00:23:53,398 --> 00:23:56,902 NOW ONE PERSON CAN INFECT FIVE PEOPLE. 418 00:23:56,968 --> 00:23:58,503 SO THAT IS A BIG DEAL. 419 00:23:58,570 --> 00:24:02,507 >> Stephen: BUT THEN WHEN THEY GET IT ARE YOU MORE LIKELY TO BE 420 00:24:02,574 --> 00:24:04,042 SERIOUSLY ILL IS THE QUESTION. 421 00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:05,210 >> YES. 422 00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,279 IT LOOKS LIKE THERE IS SOME EVIDENCE FROM OTHER COUNTRIES 423 00:24:07,345 --> 00:24:10,782 THAT YOU PROBABLY ARE ACTUALLY, YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO BE MORE 424 00:24:10,849 --> 00:24:11,650 SEVERELY ILL. 425 00:24:11,716 --> 00:24:13,451 >> Stephen: BECAUSE IT REPRODUCES FASTER. 426 00:24:13,518 --> 00:24:15,420 >> WE DON'T REALLY KNOW EXACTLY WHY THAT IS. 427 00:24:15,487 --> 00:24:17,889 >> Stephen: I HEAR A LOT ABOUT A BIGGER VIRAL LOAD. 428 00:24:17,956 --> 00:24:19,124 >> THERE IS A BIGGER VIRAL LOAD. 429 00:24:19,191 --> 00:24:22,160 WE TALKED ABOUT A THOUSAND TIME MORE VIRUS IN THE NOSE. 430 00:24:22,227 --> 00:24:24,963 IT IS ABLE TO INFECT PEOPLE MORE VICIOUSLY. 431 00:24:25,030 --> 00:24:28,233 BUT THE QUESTION IS ONCE YOU ARE INFECTED DO YOU GET SICKER. 432 00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:31,002 AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU PROBABLY DO GET SICKER, YOU HAVE THE 433 00:24:31,069 --> 00:24:33,538 DOUBLE WHAMMY OF THAT AND NOW ANOTHER THING, WHICH IS THE 434 00:24:33,605 --> 00:24:36,074 SECOND OF THE DOUBLE WHAMMY OF NEW THINGS THAT WE WEREN'T 435 00:24:36,141 --> 00:24:37,843 EXPECTING TO BE SO BAD. 436 00:24:37,909 --> 00:24:44,683 WHICH IS WE NOT ONLY HAVE COVID BUT WE HAVE AN EPIDEMIC OF 437 00:24:44,749 --> 00:24:46,418 MISNRVETION-- MISINFORMATION AND DISINFORMATION AND THE TWO OF 438 00:24:46,484 --> 00:24:48,687 THOSE HAVE COME TOGETHER AND THEY HAVE KNOCKED US FOR A LOOP 439 00:24:48,753 --> 00:24:51,857 AND SO YES, WE'RE A LOT BETTER THAN WE WERE A YEAR AGO BUT 440 00:24:51,923 --> 00:24:53,792 WE'RE NOT WHERE WE SHOULD BE BE. 441 00:24:53,859 --> 00:24:54,960 >> Stephen: OKAY. 442 00:24:55,026 --> 00:25:00,899 SO THAT MISINFORMATION AND DISINFORMATION, HOW IS THAT BEST 443 00:25:00,966 --> 00:25:01,933 COMBATED. 444 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,502 YOU KNOW HOW TO DEFEAT COVID IF EVERYBODY DID IT. 445 00:25:04,569 --> 00:25:07,706 SAY AWAY FROM EACH OTHER IF ARE YOU NOT VACCINATED, GET THE 446 00:25:07,772 --> 00:25:09,708 VACCINE, AS SOON AS IT IS AVAILABLE TO YOU. 447 00:25:09,774 --> 00:25:14,880 BUT WHAT IS THE INOCULATION AGAINST THE FEAR AND 448 00:25:14,946 --> 00:25:16,047 MISINFORMATION. 449 00:25:16,114 --> 00:25:17,449 >> ESPECIALLY TALK ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF VAKSZ NATION, IF 450 00:25:17,515 --> 00:25:20,685 YOU LOOK AT A MAP OF THE UNITED STATES IT LOOKS ON FIRE, RIGHT, 451 00:25:20,752 --> 00:25:23,788 FOR ORANGE AND RED, AND THE AREAS WHERE IT IS THE HOTTEST, 452 00:25:23,855 --> 00:25:26,992 MOST ON FIRE ARE THE AREAS WITH THE LOWEST VACCINATION RATES IT 453 00:25:27,058 --> 00:25:28,260 IS NOT MAGIC. 454 00:25:28,326 --> 00:25:32,430 SO I THINK THE WAY THAT WE NEED TO DO T WHO KNOWS, RIGHT, THERE 455 00:25:32,497 --> 00:25:35,267 WILL BE A LOT OF DIMP APPROACHES INCLUDING GOING TO COMMUNITY 456 00:25:35,333 --> 00:25:38,637 AREAS NOT JUST THE HEAD OF THE NIH BUT PEOPLE IN THE LOCAL 457 00:25:38,703 --> 00:25:41,706 COMMUNITIES AND PAR YOU WERES AND DOCTORS AND TRUSTED PEOPLE, 458 00:25:41,773 --> 00:25:42,908 THERE IS ALL THAT. 459 00:25:42,974 --> 00:25:45,911 BUT IN ADDITION, I THINK THAT WE HAVE TO HAVE MORE EMPATHY AS 460 00:25:45,977 --> 00:25:47,512 WE'RE TRYING TO CHANGE PEOPLE'S MIND. 461 00:25:47,579 --> 00:25:48,747 THIS IS WHAT I MEAN. 462 00:25:48,813 --> 00:25:51,883 I THINK OF THE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ARE NOT GETTING VACCINATED 463 00:25:51,950 --> 00:25:54,486 OR PUSHING BACK AGAINST THE MASKS, THEY ARE A BUNCH OF 464 00:25:54,552 --> 00:25:57,689 PEOPLE ARE YOU NEVER GOING TO CHANGE THEIR MIND, NO WAY. 465 00:25:57,756 --> 00:25:58,256 OKAY. 466 00:25:58,323 --> 00:25:59,524 SO THEY ARE OVER HERE. 467 00:25:59,591 --> 00:26:03,929 I DO THINK THERE ARE A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO CAN CHANGE THEIR MIND 468 00:26:03,995 --> 00:26:05,497 IF YOU TALK TO THEM THE RIGHT WAY. 469 00:26:05,563 --> 00:26:08,400 AND I THINK WE COME INTO THESE CONVERSATIONS COILED. 470 00:26:08,466 --> 00:26:10,502 THEY ARE COILED AND WE'RE COILED. 471 00:26:10,568 --> 00:26:11,636 AND WE STRIKE. 472 00:26:11,703 --> 00:26:17,242 SO WE NEED TO GET THE BACK, UNCOIL AND START OFF NOT BY 473 00:26:17,309 --> 00:26:18,276 TALKING BUT BY LISTENING. 474 00:26:18,343 --> 00:26:20,378 SO I WILL GIVE YOU A SPECIFIC EXAMPLE. 475 00:26:20,445 --> 00:26:23,481 HI SOMEBODY I WAS TALKING TO SAID I DON'T WANT MY DAUGHTER 476 00:26:23,548 --> 00:26:26,952 WHO IS UNDER 12 WEARING A MASK TO SCHOOL. 477 00:26:27,018 --> 00:26:30,355 INSTEAD OF LAUNCHING TOO THIS WHOLE EXPLANATION OF WHY SHE IS 478 00:26:30,422 --> 00:26:31,056 WRONG. 479 00:26:31,122 --> 00:26:32,123 I SAID WHAT ARE YOUR CONCERNED. 480 00:26:32,190 --> 00:26:34,859 SHE SAID I HAVE THREE CONCERNS. 481 00:26:34,926 --> 00:26:37,696 ONE IS IT IS IS UNCOMFORTABLE FOR HER. 482 00:26:37,762 --> 00:26:40,565 I SAID OKAY, THAT IS ACTUALLY A REASONABLE CONCERN. 483 00:26:40,632 --> 00:26:46,504 THE SECOND IS I WANT HER TO BE ABLE TO-- SINCE SHE WAS FIVE OR 484 00:26:46,571 --> 00:26:50,342 SIX I WANT HER TO BE ABLE TO READ BODY LANGUAGE AND FACIAL 485 00:26:50,408 --> 00:26:52,510 EXPRESSIONS, JUST FROM THE NOSE UP IT ST HARD. 486 00:26:52,577 --> 00:26:53,712 >> OKAY, THAT IS REASONABLE. 487 00:26:53,778 --> 00:26:57,615 AND THE THIRD SHE SAID IS I HEARD THAT IF YOU WEAR THE MASK, 488 00:26:57,682 --> 00:27:00,318 CARBON DIOXIDE BUILDS UP IN THE BLOOD STREAM AND YOU CAN REALLY 489 00:27:00,385 --> 00:27:02,554 GET SICK FROM THAT. 490 00:27:02,620 --> 00:27:04,456 OKAY, THAT IS FACTUALLY INCORRECT T ST SCIENTIFICALLY 491 00:27:04,522 --> 00:27:05,657 INCORRECT, NO WAY. 492 00:27:05,724 --> 00:27:06,891 AND SHE SAID OH. 493 00:27:06,958 --> 00:27:09,861 AND THEN WE WERE HAVING A CONVERSATION, INSTEAD OF JUST 494 00:27:09,928 --> 00:27:11,296 YELLING AT EACH OTHER. 495 00:27:11,363 --> 00:27:12,964 YOU LIKE WATER, I LIKE CLEAN WATER. 496 00:27:13,031 --> 00:27:14,366 I LIKE CLEAN WATER. 497 00:27:14,432 --> 00:27:15,867 AND WE'RE SUDDENLY TALKING. 498 00:27:15,934 --> 00:27:18,636 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK BUT STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE 499 00:27:18,703 --> 00:27:24,609 RIGHT BACK WITH MORE DR. JON LaPOOK, EVERYBODY. 500 00:27:24,676 --> 00:27:26,311 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 501 00:27:31,683 --> 00:27:33,151 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK WITH CBS CHIEF 502 00:27:33,218 --> 00:27:37,722 MEDICAL CORRESPONDENT DR. JON LaPOOK. 503 00:27:37,789 --> 00:27:41,693 FOR THE VACCINATED SWI EVERYBODY IN THIS BUILDING, SHOULD THEY 504 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:42,594 FREAK OUT ABOUT DELTA? 505 00:27:42,660 --> 00:27:45,497 ABOUT GETTING IT, HOW IT WILL AFFECT THEM? 506 00:27:45,563 --> 00:27:48,600 >> SO THEY SHOULD BE CONCERNED BUT THEY SHOULD NOT FREAK OUT. 507 00:27:48,666 --> 00:27:53,104 AND I WILL TELL YOU A STORY, EVERYBODY IS WORRIED ABOUT 508 00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:55,440 BREAKTHROUGH INFECTIONS, IF YOU'VE BEEN VACCINATED SUDDENLY 509 00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:57,942 YOU ARE LEARNING THAT THERE ARE BREAKTHROUGH INFECTIONS. 510 00:27:58,009 --> 00:28:01,813 THINK ABOUT T THERE ARE MORE THAN 160 MILLION PEOPLE WHO ARE 511 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:02,981 VACCINATED. 512 00:28:03,048 --> 00:28:05,917 SO IF THE VACCINE WERE 95% EFFECTIVE AT PREVENTING CLINICAL 513 00:28:05,984 --> 00:28:08,453 ILLNESS, YOU KNOW, SYMPTOMS, THAT IS STILL FIVE PERCENT OF 514 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:09,788 MORE THAN 160 MILLION. 515 00:28:09,854 --> 00:28:13,591 THAT IS GOING TO MORE THAN 800 MILLION WHO WILL GET 516 00:28:13,658 --> 00:28:15,393 BREAKTHROUGH INFECTIONS, SO THE QUESTION IS WHAT HAPPENS TO 517 00:28:15,460 --> 00:28:16,628 THEM? 518 00:28:16,694 --> 00:28:21,266 AND WE KNOW FROM THE OUTBREAK IN PROVINCETOWN WHERE PEOPLE WHO 519 00:28:21,332 --> 00:28:23,868 WERE VACCINATED GOT THESE BREAKTHROUGH INFECTIONS, I JUST 520 00:28:23,935 --> 00:28:26,971 SPOKE TO THE CDC AND HERE ARE THE LATEST NUMBERS ABOUT THAT. 521 00:28:27,038 --> 00:28:29,874 WE'RE CLOSING IN ON ALMOST A THOUSAND PEOPLE WHO WERE 522 00:28:29,941 --> 00:28:34,746 INFECTED FROM THAT EPIDEMIC IN, FROM THAT OUTBREAK IN 523 00:28:34,813 --> 00:28:35,413 PROVINCETOWN. 524 00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:37,582 MOST OF THEM WERE VACCINATED. 525 00:28:37,649 --> 00:28:41,352 OF THOSE 7 HOSPITALIZATIONS, 0 DEATHS. 526 00:28:41,419 --> 00:28:45,256 SO WHAT IS HAPPENING-- (APPLAUSE). 527 00:28:45,323 --> 00:28:48,893 >> Stephen: SO LESS THAN ONE TENTH OF 1 PERCENT. 528 00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,262 >> EXACTLY, SO TURN A SCREW IN YOUR HEAD, OH MY GOSH, THESE 529 00:28:51,329 --> 00:28:55,100 BREAKTHROUGHS, IT DOESN'T WORK, THIS IS PROOF THAT IT WORK, MOST 530 00:28:55,166 --> 00:28:59,104 PEOPLE GETTING THE BREAK THROUGH INFECTIONS, ALTHOUGH SOME GET 531 00:28:59,170 --> 00:29:01,639 SERIOUSLY ILL, THERE ARE A RELATIVELY SMALL NUMBER OF 532 00:29:01,706 --> 00:29:03,908 DEATH, MOST PEOPLE DO QUITE WELL. 533 00:29:03,975 --> 00:29:06,744 SO THESE VACCINES WORK IT IS JUST NOT EVEN UP FOR DEBATE. 534 00:29:06,811 --> 00:29:12,984 >> Stephen: THE CDC HAS RECOMMENDED A THIRD DOSE, A 535 00:29:13,051 --> 00:29:16,121 BOOSTER FOR THE IMMUNOCOMPROMISED, I THINK THE 536 00:29:16,187 --> 00:29:18,123 VERY HE WOULD LEAR-- ELDERLY AT THIS POINT. 537 00:29:18,189 --> 00:29:20,458 I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE. 538 00:29:20,525 --> 00:29:23,428 WHEN FOR THE REST OF US, WHEN AM I IFING TO GO IN OR SHOULD I BE 539 00:29:23,495 --> 00:29:27,098 GOING IN NOW TO CBS AND GOING GIVE ME A SHOT, JUST GIVE ME A 540 00:29:27,165 --> 00:29:27,532 SHOT. 541 00:29:27,599 --> 00:29:28,700 IS THAT COMING? 542 00:29:28,766 --> 00:29:31,302 >> I CAN GIVE YOU SOME NEWS BECAUSE THE FDA JUST TEXTED ME 543 00:29:31,369 --> 00:29:32,704 RIGHT BEFORE I CAME ON. 544 00:29:32,770 --> 00:29:37,008 AND THEY SAID THAT PFIZER HAS ACTUALLY, IS IN THE PROCESS OF 545 00:29:37,075 --> 00:29:40,478 SUBMITTING A PHASE ONE LIKE A FIRST PHASE SUBMISSION FOR THE 546 00:29:40,545 --> 00:29:44,482 BOOSTER SHOTS SO IT COULD BE THAT IN THE. 547 00:29:44,549 --> 00:29:45,750 >> YEAH. 548 00:29:45,817 --> 00:29:48,319 >> LOOK AT THAT PHRASE, THAT IS GOOD TO KNOW, BUT I THOUGHT YOU 549 00:29:48,386 --> 00:29:51,689 WERE GOING TO GIVE ME SOME NEWS THAT THE FDA HAD GIVEN FINAL 550 00:29:51,756 --> 00:29:54,993 APPROVAL FOR THE VACCINES BECAUSE I HAVE FRIENDS AND LOVED 551 00:29:55,059 --> 00:30:01,466 ONES WHO ARE LIKE I'M WAITING FOR THAT FULL FDA APPROVAL. 552 00:30:01,533 --> 00:30:04,736 WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO THOSE PEOPLE AND WHEN IS THAT COMING? 553 00:30:04,802 --> 00:30:05,904 >> OKAY. 554 00:30:05,970 --> 00:30:09,340 SO THEY DID NOT WAVE ME OFF SAYING THAT IT COULD BE BY THE 555 00:30:09,407 --> 00:30:11,809 END OF AUGUST OR CERTAINLY BY THE BEGINNING OF SEPTEMBER. 556 00:30:11,876 --> 00:30:15,713 I THINK BY THE END OF AUGUST, TWO OR THREE WEEKS I THINK WE'LL 557 00:30:15,780 --> 00:30:17,215 SEE FULL APPROVAL OF IT. 558 00:30:17,282 --> 00:30:18,449 FOR ONE THING. 559 00:30:18,516 --> 00:30:22,086 I THINK SOMETIME IN THE FALL, EARLY FALL WE'LL SEE THEM START 560 00:30:22,153 --> 00:30:24,956 TO THINK ABOUT THE BOOSTERS, IT DO TAKE AWHILE. 561 00:30:25,023 --> 00:30:27,125 >> WHAT ABOUT FOR CHILDREN UNDER 12. 562 00:30:27,192 --> 00:30:29,093 >> FOR CHILDREN UNDER 12 SAME THING. 563 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:33,064 >> THAT'S GOOD NEWS WITHIN THE NEXT TWO TO THREE WEEKS, FULL 564 00:30:33,131 --> 00:30:33,698 APPROVAL. 565 00:30:33,765 --> 00:30:34,699 PERHAPS A MONTH AFTER THAT. 566 00:30:34,766 --> 00:30:37,835 >> SOMETIME IN THE FALL, EARLY FALL FOR CHILDREN. 567 00:30:37,902 --> 00:30:41,172 >> FOR CHILDREN, I THINK SOMETIME AROUND THEN, UNDER 12 568 00:30:41,239 --> 00:30:45,276 AND THEN THE LAST THING I WOULD REALLY MAKE A PUSH FOR TO GO 569 00:30:45,343 --> 00:30:50,014 BACK TO THE EMPATHY THING WHEN IT DOMES TO MASKS AND EVERYTHING 570 00:30:50,081 --> 00:30:51,149 ELSE. 571 00:30:51,216 --> 00:30:54,018 I AM-- I STARTED SOMETHING CALLED THE EMPATHY PROJECT AT 572 00:30:54,085 --> 00:30:57,989 NYU LANGONE HEALTH AND IT IS TO MAKE HOLLYWOOD QUALITY SHORT 573 00:30:58,056 --> 00:31:04,862 FILMS AND USE THEM TO EACH TEACH MEDICAL STUDENTS, AND TO EMPOWER 574 00:31:04,929 --> 00:31:05,863 PATIENTS TO DEMAND THAT. 575 00:31:05,930 --> 00:31:12,804 AND I THINK-- RIGHT? 576 00:31:12,870 --> 00:31:17,308 >> SO AN I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO MY STUDENTS ABOUT HOW 577 00:31:17,375 --> 00:31:19,244 TO-- BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE ANGRY. 578 00:31:19,310 --> 00:31:23,181 STUDENTS ARE ANGRY, MY COLLEAGUES ARE ANGRY AND FRAWS 579 00:31:23,248 --> 00:31:24,349 TRAITED. 580 00:31:24,415 --> 00:31:27,018 >> Stephen: WE DID THE POLL ABOUT CALIFORNIA, CALIFORNIANS 581 00:31:27,085 --> 00:31:30,355 ARE ANGRY ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE AREN'T TAKING THE VACCINE. 582 00:31:30,421 --> 00:31:35,193 >> WHAT DO WE SAY TO THESE PEOPLE, I SAY YOU GOT TO UNCOIL, 583 00:31:35,260 --> 00:31:38,029 BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING TO CHANGE PEOPLE'S 584 00:31:38,096 --> 00:31:40,598 MINDS BY ATTACKINGMENT YOU WON'T. 585 00:31:40,665 --> 00:31:43,401 AND THERE ARE GOING TO BE THOSE PEOPLE YOU WOWNT CHANGE THEIR 586 00:31:43,468 --> 00:31:47,372 MIND BUT THE PEOPLE WHO YOU CAN GET TO, IT THERE BE THROUGH 587 00:31:47,438 --> 00:31:49,507 EMPATHY, WHAT ARE YOUR PROBLEMS, DON'T START OFF BY TALKING, STRT 588 00:31:49,574 --> 00:31:53,678 OFF BY LISTENING, I THINK THAT IS SOMETHING WE HAVE TO DO MORE 589 00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:54,045 OF. 590 00:31:54,112 --> 00:31:54,712 (APPLAUSE). 591 00:31:54,779 --> 00:31:56,047 >> Stephen: THANK YOU, DOCTOR. 592 00:31:56,114 --> 00:31:57,448 DR. JON LaPOOK, EVERYBODY. 593 00:31:57,515 --> 00:32:07,492 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH COMEDIAN FIMI ABE. 594 00:32:07,558 --> 00:32:31,349 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH COMEDIAN FIMI ABE. 595 00:32:31,416 --> 00:32:33,017 HUGH, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 596 00:32:33,084 --> 00:32:38,089 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS A WRITER FOR 597 00:32:38,156 --> 00:32:41,893 "THE LATE LATE SHOW" AND STAND-UP COMEDIAN MAKING HIS 598 00:32:41,959 --> 00:32:45,997 NETWORK TELEVISION DEBUT. 599 00:32:46,064 --> 00:32:50,001 PLEASE WELCOME, FUMI ABE. 600 00:32:50,068 --> 00:32:55,373 (APPLAUSE) THANK YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH. 601 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:59,444 OH MY GOD, OKAY, STOP IT IT SO GOOD TO BE HERE. 602 00:32:59,510 --> 00:33:03,748 MY NAME IS FUMI T IS A JAPANESE NAME BUT I ACTUALLY TBREU UP IN 603 00:33:03,815 --> 00:33:09,721 THE MIDWEST, I'M FROM OHIO AND IS IT IS NOT A VERY DIVERSE 604 00:33:09,787 --> 00:33:12,990 PLACE, GROWING UP HAD A STRANGE CONVERSATIONS WITH MY 605 00:33:13,057 --> 00:33:14,158 CLASSMATES. 606 00:33:14,225 --> 00:33:17,395 >> ONE TIME I ASKED THIS GIRL OUT AND SHE WAS LIKE LISTEN, 607 00:33:17,462 --> 00:33:20,732 DON'T TAKE THIS PERSONALLY BUT I'M JUST NOT IN ASIAN GUYS AND I 608 00:33:20,798 --> 00:33:26,003 REMEMBER I WAS SITTING THERE BUT DUDE, I AM LIT REALLILY THE ONLY 609 00:33:26,070 --> 00:33:30,241 ASIAN GUY YOU KNOW, LIKE THIS FEELS EXTREMELY PERSONAL. 610 00:33:30,308 --> 00:33:32,243 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW. 611 00:33:32,310 --> 00:33:35,279 SHE JUST KEPT GOING, I DON'T KNOW, YOU TBIES ARE SO SHORT, 612 00:33:35,346 --> 00:33:41,018 KIND OF SKINNY, NAME ARE ALWAYS LIKE FUMI, THAT IS ME. 613 00:33:41,085 --> 00:33:44,255 ARE YOU DESCRIBING ME. 614 00:33:44,322 --> 00:33:49,193 THAT IS A SAMPLE SIZE OF ONE,IA BITCH. 615 00:33:49,260 --> 00:33:51,329 I KNOW CORONAVIRUS WAS VERY SCARY FOR A LONG TIME. 616 00:33:51,396 --> 00:33:55,032 I REMEMBER WHEN IT IT WAS FIRST STARTED IT TWATION ESPECIALLY 617 00:33:55,099 --> 00:33:58,970 SCARY FOR ASIAN AMERICANS, EVERY TIME TRUMP SAID CHIENY VIRUS 618 00:33:59,036 --> 00:34:00,371 THERE WAS VIOLENCE AGAINST ASIAN PEOPLE. 619 00:34:00,438 --> 00:34:03,474 THINGS GOT SO BAD IN NEW YORK THE ATTORNEY GENERAL CREATED A 620 00:34:03,541 --> 00:34:05,777 HOTLINE FOR ASIAN PEOPLE TO CALL AND REPORT A CRIME, RIGHT. 621 00:34:05,843 --> 00:34:08,846 AND I FEEL THIS IS A GREAT IDEA, BUT I CAN TELL THERE IS NO MONEY 622 00:34:08,913 --> 00:34:11,582 BEHIND THIS PROJECT BECAUSE I TRIED CALLING THE OTHER DAY AND 623 00:34:11,649 --> 00:34:17,889 I SWEAR TO GOD IT WAS LIKE HELLO, THANK YOU FOR CALLING. 624 00:34:17,955 --> 00:34:20,625 PARAES PANYIOL, PRIMA DOINGS. 625 00:34:20,691 --> 00:34:23,895 DUDE, DUDE, I WAS LIKE WHO THE HELL IS THIS FOR. 626 00:34:23,961 --> 00:34:25,096 OKAY. 627 00:34:25,163 --> 00:34:27,465 LIKE CAN I REPORT THIS, THIS IS THE HATE CRIME, I FOUND IT. 628 00:34:27,532 --> 00:34:29,901 I FOUND T ACTUALLY. 629 00:34:29,967 --> 00:34:35,907 LIKE ARE YOU TELLING ME SOMEBODY IS CALLING BEING LIKE OLA. 630 00:34:35,973 --> 00:34:40,311 MIXER LLAMO ANGELA CHANGE, PEOPLE KEEP ASKING ME TO GO BACK 631 00:34:40,378 --> 00:34:45,416 TO MI CASA, NOBODY TALKS LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW. 632 00:34:45,483 --> 00:34:46,484 CRAZY. 633 00:34:46,551 --> 00:34:49,520 I THINK DATING HAS BEEN DIFFICULT OVER THE PANDEMIC 634 00:34:49,587 --> 00:34:53,057 BECAUSE REALLY BECAUSE WE-- I THINK THAT IS WHY A LOT OF 635 00:34:53,124 --> 00:34:56,527 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TRYING A LITTLE BIT OF SEXT. 636 00:34:56,594 --> 00:34:59,430 I WAS TALKING TO A GIRL ON ONE OF THE APPS, THINGS WERE GETTING 637 00:34:59,497 --> 00:35:02,700 KIND OF HOT AND SHE ASKED ME TO STEND HER A NUDE, OKAY, SHE 638 00:35:02,767 --> 00:35:08,706 WANTED TO SEE A NAKED PICTURE OF PIE BODY. 639 00:35:08,773 --> 00:35:13,978 AND OKAY, PLEASE STOP LAUGHING. 640 00:35:14,045 --> 00:35:17,381 THAT'S-- OKAY. 641 00:35:17,448 --> 00:35:21,686 I WAS REVIEWING IT, AND I REALIZED SOMETHING, I REALIZED 642 00:35:21,752 --> 00:35:25,156 THE WAY YOU REVIEW A NUDE IN YOUR 30S, I'M 31 NOW, IS VERY 643 00:35:25,223 --> 00:35:29,026 DIFFERENT THAN IN YOUR 20, IN YOUR 20S YOU TAKE A BODY MAWKING 644 00:35:29,093 --> 00:35:33,297 YOUR BODY CUTE AND-- OR WHATEVER. 645 00:35:33,364 --> 00:35:37,535 BUT I'M 3 1-RBGS LOOKING AT MY NUDE AND MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS MY 646 00:35:37,602 --> 00:35:46,110 APARTMENT IS A MESS AND-- YEAH. 647 00:35:46,177 --> 00:35:50,014 YEAH, I WAS JUST LIKE CLEANING FOR 45 MINUTES, YOU KNOW. 648 00:35:50,081 --> 00:35:52,683 JUST VACUUMING IN THE NUDE, YOU KNOW. 649 00:35:52,750 --> 00:35:55,286 I WAS CLEANING FOR SO LONG THAT THIS GIRL ACTUALLY TECHED BACK 650 00:35:55,353 --> 00:35:57,655 SHE IS LIKE HEY, JUST CHECKING IN. 651 00:35:57,722 --> 00:36:01,926 SHE FOLLOWED UP LIKE IT'S A WORK EMAIL. 652 00:36:01,993 --> 00:36:05,897 SHE WAS LIKE HEY, JUST CIRCLING BACK ON THIS PENIS PDF. 653 00:36:05,963 --> 00:36:09,267 WE'RE GOING TO NEED THAT FOR THE ALL-HANDS MEETING. 654 00:36:09,333 --> 00:36:14,005 SO IF YOU CAN GET THAT BY EOD THAT WOULD BE AMAZING. 655 00:36:14,071 --> 00:36:15,039 THANK YOU. 656 00:36:15,106 --> 00:36:17,909 BUT I LEARNED SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT DURING THIS 657 00:36:17,975 --> 00:36:19,143 TRANSACTION. 658 00:36:19,210 --> 00:36:21,412 I LEARNED THAT WOMEN IN THEIR 30S WHEN THEY ASK A TBIE FOR THE 659 00:36:21,479 --> 00:36:24,282 NUDE THEY DON'T CARE WHAT THEIR BODY LOOKS LIKE, THEY ARE 660 00:36:24,348 --> 00:36:27,385 ACTUALLY JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT KIND OF APARTMENT YOU 661 00:36:27,451 --> 00:36:28,553 LIVE IN. 662 00:36:28,619 --> 00:36:30,721 YES, TOO T TO MAKE SURE YOU HAVE YOUR LIFE TOGETHER, RIGHT. 663 00:36:30,788 --> 00:36:35,860 AND THAT IS WHY I TOOK MY NUDE NEXT TO MY IN UNIT WASHING AND 664 00:36:35,927 --> 00:36:44,769 DRYING MACHINE, YES. 665 00:36:44,835 --> 00:36:46,003 YEAH. 666 00:36:46,070 --> 00:36:48,839 I WAS LIKE IT IS A SAMSUNG, LOOK AT, THAT DON'T LOOK DOWN HERE, 667 00:36:48,906 --> 00:36:49,307 LOOK AT THE BRAND. 668 00:36:49,373 --> 00:36:50,308 LOOK AT THE BRAND. 669 00:36:50,374 --> 00:36:52,643 IT IS ALL ABOUT SHOWING YOUR ASSETS IN YOUR 30S. 670 00:36:52,710 --> 00:36:54,946 LIKE FOR EXAMPLE I HAVE A BACKYARD, THAT SAY HUGE DEAL IN 671 00:36:55,012 --> 00:36:58,983 NEW YORK CITY SO I TOOK ONE OUT THERE, CHECK OUT MY ABS, ALSO I 672 00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:00,751 GROW MY OWN CHIEFS. 673 00:37:00,818 --> 00:37:04,355 LOOK AT THIS, WOW. 674 00:37:04,422 --> 00:37:05,056 WOW, WOW. 675 00:37:05,122 --> 00:37:07,458 EVERYTHING CHANGES IN YOUR 30S. 676 00:37:07,525 --> 00:37:11,028 LIKE FOR EXAMPLE THINKING ABOUT THE OLDER YOU GET, THE SADDER 677 00:37:11,095 --> 00:37:11,796 YOUR DRUNK TEXTS GET. 678 00:37:11,862 --> 00:37:14,098 YOU HAVE EVER THOUGHT ABOUT THIS. 679 00:37:14,165 --> 00:37:17,635 BECAUSE I REMEMBER IN COLLEGE ALL MY DRUNK TEXTS WERE REALLY 680 00:37:17,702 --> 00:37:18,669 FUN. 681 00:37:18,736 --> 00:37:21,305 I REMEMBER IT WAS ALWAYS LIKE HEY, MEGAN, YOU UP? 682 00:37:21,372 --> 00:37:29,080 BUT LAST NIGHT IT WAS LIKE HEY, MOM, WAS I A GOOD SON? 683 00:37:29,146 --> 00:37:31,749 SO YOU KNOW, NOBODY WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH THAT GUY, YOU 684 00:37:31,816 --> 00:37:32,984 KNOW. 685 00:37:33,050 --> 00:37:36,887 THAT GUY HAS GO TO THERAPY AND IT IS A WHOLE THING, SO ANYWAYS, 686 00:37:36,954 --> 00:37:43,060 I DID CATCH UP ON A LOT OF TV DURING THE QUARANTINE, MY I 687 00:37:43,127 --> 00:37:45,696 FINISHED THIS SERIES CALLED INSECURE, A GREAT SHOW. 688 00:37:45,763 --> 00:37:48,232 IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT ST ALL YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND FOR THE 689 00:37:48,299 --> 00:37:51,736 JOKE IS IT A POPULAR SHOW AND ONE OF THE THINGS YOU ARE KNOWN 690 00:37:51,802 --> 00:37:55,473 FOR IS A CAST PREDOMINANTLY BLACK AND MINORITY ACTORS SO IF 691 00:37:55,539 --> 00:37:57,675 YOU DON'T WATCH IT, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. 692 00:37:57,742 --> 00:38:00,978 AND I WAS WITH MY FRIEND AND AS WE WERE SAYING GOOD-BYE, OKAY 693 00:38:01,045 --> 00:38:04,448 SEE YOU LATER FUMI, BY THE WAY, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WATCH 694 00:38:04,515 --> 00:38:07,585 INSECURE BUT THERE IS THIS REALLY HOT ASIAN TBIE ON THIS 695 00:38:07,652 --> 00:38:10,354 CURRENT SEASON, YOU SHOULD CHECK HIM OUT. 696 00:38:10,421 --> 00:38:15,026 AND I WAS LIKE WHO TAUGHT YOU HOW TO STAY GOOD-BYE, OKAY? 697 00:38:15,092 --> 00:38:16,060 LIKE ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW. 698 00:38:16,127 --> 00:38:18,863 LIKE THIS IS THE WAY ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE SOCIAL 699 00:38:18,929 --> 00:38:21,265 SITUATIONS, YOU CAN IMAGINE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF SHE WENT TO A 700 00:38:21,332 --> 00:38:28,673 QUINSER IN', GOOD-BYE, BE SURE TO WATCH COCO, SO MANY MEXICANS, 701 00:38:28,739 --> 00:38:34,478 THAT IS-- THAT IS LIKE THE RUDEST WAY TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO 702 00:38:34,545 --> 00:38:38,015 ANYBODY, RIGHT, BUT AT THE TIME I WAS VERY SERIOUS, I'M ALL 703 00:38:38,082 --> 00:38:39,283 ABOUT REMTIONZ. 704 00:38:39,350 --> 00:38:43,921 I GET OUT, I TYPE IN ASIAN TBIE, LOOK HE IT GOOGLE IMAGE RESULTS 705 00:38:43,988 --> 00:38:46,957 ONLY SEEING PICTURES OF SKINNY WEIRD ASIAN DUDES WHAT SHAPING 706 00:38:47,024 --> 00:38:49,994 THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS THE HOT GUY SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT. 707 00:38:50,061 --> 00:38:53,831 GI BACK ONE PAGE, LOOKING ON MY PHONE AND I REALIZE I FORGOT TO 708 00:38:53,898 --> 00:39:04,508 TYPE IN HPO SO I JUST TYPED IN INSECURE ASIAN GUY. 709 00:39:04,575 --> 00:39:05,776 YEAH. 710 00:39:05,843 --> 00:39:09,180 I JUST DID LIKE A GENERAL SEARCH ON THE INTERNET FOR ASIAN DUDES 711 00:39:09,246 --> 00:39:11,916 WITH NO CONFIDENCE, OKAY. 712 00:39:11,982 --> 00:39:13,250 YEAH, I WAS CONFUSED I. 713 00:39:13,317 --> 00:39:15,119 I WAS LIKE WHY IS IT JUST ME ON HERE. 714 00:39:15,186 --> 00:39:15,986 WHAT IS HAPPENING. 715 00:39:16,053 --> 00:39:19,857 THANK YOU SO MUCH, MY NAME IS FUMI. 716 00:39:19,924 --> 00:39:21,025 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE). 717 00:39:21,092 --> 00:39:23,928 >> Stephen: YOU CAN HEAR MORE ON HIS WEEKLY COMEDY PODCAST 718 00:39:23,994 --> 00:39:26,363 ASIAN NOT ASIAN. 719 00:39:26,430 --> 00:39:27,131 FUMI ABE. 720 00:39:27,198 --> 00:39:29,633 EVERYBODY, WE'LL ROOB BACK. 721 00:39:34,138 --> 00:39:35,806 SRS THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE SHOW, EVERYBODY, TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN 722 00:39:35,873 --> 00:39:39,443 MY GUEST WILL BE CNN CORRESPONDENT CLARISSA WARD FROM 723 00:39:39,510 --> 00:39:43,080 KABUL AND AMANDA PETE. 724 00:39:43,147 --> 00:39:49,053 GOOD FLIGHT-- . 725 00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,689 Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by 726 00:39:53,224 --> 00:40:01,065 Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 727 00:40:01,132 --> 00:40:07,071 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 728 00:40:07,138 --> 00:40:16,714 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 729 00:40:16,781 --> 00:40:21,152 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 730 00:40:21,218 --> 00:40:29,193 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 731 00:40:29,260 --> 00:40:43,073 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 732 00:40:43,140 --> 00:40:44,875 Captioning sponsored by CBS ♪ THE LATE LATE SHOW-O-O 733 00:40:50,214 --> 00:40:51,215 ♪ THE LATE LATE SHOW! WOO!