>> ACCORDING TO EYE REPORT, SOME ANTI-VAXXERS THINK THAT THEIR
PURE SEMEN WILL SKY ROCK NET VALUE AND BECOME THE NEXT
BITCOIN, THEY BELIEVE THAT AS THE VACCINATED POPULATION
EVENTUALLY CRUMBLES THE UNVACCINATED WILL HAVE TO REPOP
LATE THE PLANET MAKING THEIR SPERM A VALUABLE COMMODITY, THIS
DESPITE NUMEROUS STUDIES SHOWING THE VACCINE IS SAFE FOR MEN AND
DOES NOT AFFECT SPERM PRODUCTION OR QUALITY.
>> ARE YOU LOOKING FOR 100% ANTI-VACS MAN SEED THEN VISIT
GARY'S MAN SEED EMPORIUM TODAY AND GET HIGH QUALITY AT ROCK
BOTTOM PRICE, HOW DO I DO IT, I CAN'T REALLY SAY ON TELEVISION
BUT REST ASSURE IT IS COMPLETELY VACCINEFREE, NOT ONLY HAVE I
REFUSED MEDICAL BREAKTHROUGH BUT I ONLY PRODUCE THE FORMULA USING
ANTISCIENCE PORN.
FLAT EARTH ROUND BUTT, FIVE G SPOT, PIZZA GATE DELIVERY GUYS
AND OF COURSE-- TWO GIRLS WANT CONSPIRACY.
TOP BY THE MAN SEED EMPORIUM TODAY WHERE I ALWAYS MAKE MY
PREMIUM THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY, BY HAND.
>> IT'S THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT.
STEPHEN WELCOMES DR. JON LaPOOK AND COMEDIAN FUMI ABE
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: HEY.
HEY.
(APPLAUSE) GOOD TO SEE YOU.
(APPLAUSE) PLEASE V A SEAT, EVERYBODY,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
VERY KIND.
>> Stephen: WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," I'M STEPHEN COLBERT.
(APPLAUSE) YOU KNOW, FOLKS
EVERY NIGHT I COME OUT HERE AND DO A MONOLOGUE.
THIS IS ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS.
LET'S RIP THE BANDAID OFF.
THE TALIBAN HAVE TAKEN OVER AFGHANISTAN.
THE U.S. HAS BEEN THERE FOR 20 YEARS, WE SPENT 2 TRILLION
DOLLARS, WE TRAINED A 300,000 STRONG AFGHAN ARMY, AND THE
TALIBAN TOOK IT OVER IN 10 DAYS.
THE COUNTRY IS IN COMPLETE CHAOS.
YESTERDAY, THE STREETS OF KABUL WERE JAMMED WITH CARS TRYING TO
GET OUT OF THE CITY, PEOPLE FLOODED THE AIRPORTS TRYING TO
GET A PLANE OUT OF THE COUNTRY, AND HERE'S A MILITARY HELICOPTER
EVACUATING FROM KABUL, WHICH HAS BEEN COMPARED TO THIS PHOTO OF
THE EMBASSY AT SIAGON BEING EVACUATED AND OF THE HELICOPTER
EVACUATING FROM KABUL: NOT A FLATTERING COMPARISON.
YOU NEVER WANT TO SEE THIS REVIEW:
THE FOOD WAS EXCELLENT AND THE LINE UP TO THE SALAD BAR WAS
LIKE THE FALL OF SAIGON.
4 STARS.
BUT THAT COMPARISON WAS REJECTED BY SECRETARY OF STATE AND MAN
WHO LOOKS LIKE HE'S WATCHING CNN RIGHT NOW, ANTONY BLINKEN.
BLINKEN WEAKLY SAID THIS, ON THIS WEEK:
>> THIS IS MANIFESTLY NOT SAIGON.
>> Stephen: TRUE.
IN SAIGON, THEY SPEAK VIETNAMESE.
NOW, CONTRARY TO EVERYTHING THEY'VE EVER DONE OR SAID, THE
TALIBAN HAVE PROMISED THAT THIS TIME THEY'RE GOING TO RESPECT
WOMEN'S RIGHTS, BUT THE CRACK DOWN HAS ALREADY STARTED.
AT A BANK IN KANDAHAR, ARMED TALIBAN GUNMEN FORCED WOMEN
WORKING THERE TO LEAVE THE BANK, AND TOLD THEM MALE RELATIVES
COULD TAKE THEIR PLACE.
THAT'S AWFUL.
ALSO, NOT GOOD HIRING PRACTICE.
(AS DOCTOR) MR WILSON, UNFORTUNATELY, AS A
WOMAN, I CANNOT PERFORM YOUR OPEN-HEART SURGERY TODAY.
BUT YOU WILL BE IN GREAT HANDS WITH MY COUSIN DYLAN.
HE'S NOT A DOCTOR, BUT HE DOES HAVE A PENIS.
(APPLAUSE) BECAUSE HE'S THE PRESIDENT,
PRESIDENT BIDEN'S GETTING A LOT OF CRITICISM.
HERE'S ABC'S MARTHA RADDATZ: >> YOU ALSO HAD A REALLY MASSIVE
INTELLIGENCE FAILURE HERE THAT THE U.S. DID NOT REALIZE HOW
QUICKLY THE TALIBAN COULD TAKE OVER.
>> MASSIVE INTELLIGENCE FAILURE.
>> Stephen: IT'S GOTTA STING WHEN PEOPLE DESCRIBE YOUR
FOREIGN POLICY THE SAME WAY THEY'D DESCRIBE RON DeSANTIS.
THE WHITE HOUSE TRIED TO GET AHEAD OF THE BAD PRESS BY
RELEASING THIS PHOTO OF BIDEN IN A VIRTUAL MEETING WITH TOP
SECURITY OFFICIALS.
BUT ALL PEOPLE COULD TALK ABOUT WAS THE FACT THAT THE CLOCK HAS
THE WRONG TIMES FOR LONDON AND MOSCOW SPARKING CONSPIRACY THAT
THE PIC WAS STAGED.
COME ON, PEOPLE.
LET'S NOT NITPICK.
THE ONLY CLOCK THAT MATTERS IS THE ONE IN AFGHANISTAN, AND IT'S
JUST BEEN RESET TO THE THIRTEENTH CENTURY.
PLUS, IF IT WAS STAGED, WOULD THEY HAVE PUT HIM COMPLETELY
ALONE AT THE CONFERENCE TABLE?
APPARENTLY THERE'S ALSO BEEN A RAPID WITHDRAWAL FROM JOE BIDEN.
HE LOOKS LIKE THE ONLY GRANDPA IN THE DAYROOM WATCHING
JEOPARDY.
CAN WE GET A CLOSER LOOK AT WHO HE'S TALKING TO?
OKAY THERE'S KAMALA HARRIS, THE CIA,
AND, J.F.K.?
MAKES SENSE.
IF YOU NEED ADVICE ON HANDLING A COMPLETE AIRPORT MELTDOWN, LOOK
NO FURTHER THAN J.F.K..
THE CINNABON IN TERMINAL 2?
LIKE THE FALL OF SAIGON.
IT'S HARD TO ARGUE THAT THE WHITE HOUSE DIDN'T SHANK THE
WITHDRAWAL.
TAKE A LOOK AT BIDEN FROM JULY 8TH.
>> THE LIKELIHOOD THERE'S GOING TO BE THE TALIBAN OVERRUNNING
EVERYTHING AND OWNING THE WHOLE COUNTRY IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY.
>> Stephen: WOW.
THAT'S THE MOST INACCURATE PREDICTION FROM A PRESIDENT
SINCE ABE LINCOLN SAID, "SEE YOU AFTER THE PLAY."
(LAUGHTER).
>> Stephen: TOO SOON?
TOO SOON?
>> Jon: TOO SOON, TOO SOON.
>> Stephen: IT SOON REPUBLICANS WERE QUICK TO POINT
THE FINGER.
INCLUDING THE FORMER PRESIDENT WHO CALLED ON BIDEN TO 'RESIGN
IN DISGRACE' OVER AFGHANISTAN.
PRETTY WEIRD TO BLAME BIDEN FOR WITHDRAWING TROOPS, WHEN THIS
SUMMER, HE WAS CLAIMING CREDIT FOR IT:
>> I STARTED THE PROCESS, ALL THE TROOPS ARE COMING BACK HOME,
THEY COULDN'T STOP THE PROCESS.
21 YEARS IS ENOUGH.
DON'T WE THINK?
THEY COULDN'T STOP THE PROCESS, THEY WANTED TO, BUT IT WAS VERY
TOUGH TO STOP THE PROCESS.
>> Stephen: YES, THEY WANTED TO, BUT THEY COULDN'T STOP THE
PROCESS.
ALSO, HOW HE DESCRIBES THE BIRTH OF ERIC.
DAD IT'S YOUR LITTLE QUAGMIRE IT'S TOO LATE TO WITHDRAW FROM
ME.
THE FORMER PRESIDENT IS RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING.
HIS POLICIES ARE EQUALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE TALIBAN'S
TAKEOVER.
AFTER ALL, HE REDUCED OUR TROOP PRESENCE FROM 15,000 TO 2,500.
THE CEASEFIRE HE NEGOTIATED WAS WITH THE TALIBAN.
HE DIDN'T EVEN INCLUDE THE AFGHAN GOVERNMENT.
THEN, HE WENT BACK AND CONVINCED THE AFGHAN GOVERNMENT TO RELEASE
5,000 TALIBAN PRISONERS, MANY OF WHOM ARE CURRENTLY FIGHTING IN
KABUL, WHILE ALSO AGREEING TO PULL ALL TROOPS BY MAY 1.
SO YOU CAN'T PUT ALL THE BLAME FOR A DEBACLE YOU HELPED SET THE
STAGE FOR.
THAT'S LIKE ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER CALLING CATS A TERRIBLE MOVIE.
YOU WROTE A MUSICAL WITH NO PLOT HOW DID YOU THINK THIS WAS GOING
TO END?
THIS AFTERNOON, IN THE FACE OF MOUNTING CRITICISM,
PRESIDENT BIDEN RETURNED TO THE WHITE HOUSE FROM CAMP DAVID.
HAS CAMP DAVID BEEN OVERRUN BY THE TALIBAN?
NOT YET?
LITTLE VICTORIES.
IN THE SPEECH, BIDEN POINTED OUT THAT OUR AFGHAN ALLIES DID NOT
SHOW THE WILL TO FIGHT: >> AFGHANISTAN POLITICAL LEADERS
GAVE UP AND FLED THE COUNTRY.
THE AFGHAN MILITARY COLLAPSED, SOMETIME WITHOUT TRYING TO
FIGHT.
IF ANYTHING, THE DEVELOPMENTS OF THE PAST WEEK REINFORCED THAT
ENDING US MILITARY INVOLVEMENT IN AFGHANISTAN NOW WAS THE RIGHT
DECISION.
AMERICAN TROOPS CANNOT AND SHOULD NOT BE FIGHTING IN A WAR
AND DYING IN A WAR THAT AFGHAN FORCES ARE NOT WILLING TO FIGHT
FOR THEMSELVES.
>> Stephen: HE'S RIGHT.
WE HAVE HAD TROOPS THERE FOR 20 YEARS, THEY FOUGHT, THEY
SACRIFICED, THEIR FAMILIES SACRIFICED, SO THAT WE WOULDN'T
HAVE A TERRORIST ATTACK PLANNED IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY.
WHY SHOULD OUR SOLDIERS BE FIGHTING RADICALS IN A CIVIL WAR
IN AFGHANISTAN?
WE'VE GOT OUR OWN ON CAPITOL HILL.
(APPLAUSE) THEN BIDEN POINTED OUT THE U.S.
DID EVERYTHING WE COULD FOR THE AFGHANS:
>> WE GAVE THEM EVERY TOOL THEY COULD NEED.
WE PAID THEIR SALARIES, PROVIDE FOR THE MAINTENANCE OF THEIR AIR
WE DWAIF THEM EVERY CHANCE TO DETERMINE THEIR OWN FUTURE.
WHAT WE COULD NOT PROVIDE THEM WAS THE WILL TO FIGHT FOR THAT
FUTURE.
>> Stephen: JUST A THOUGHT, MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE CHECKED
WITH THE AFGHAN ARMY IF THEY HAD THE WILL 'BEFORE' WE GAVE THEM
THE TOOLS AND WEAPONS?
BECAUSE NOW THE TALIBAN HAS THE WILL 'AND' THE WEAPONS, AND THE
FORMER AFGHAN ARMY SOLDIERS ARE HOME RUBBING MIRACLE GROW ON
THEIR FACE TO TRY TO SQUEEZE OUT A BEARD.
BY DAWN.
IN THE END, BIDEN ARGUED THAT WHENEVER WE PULLED OUT, THE
TALIBAN WOULD TAKE OVER.
>> EVENTS WE'RE SEEING NOW ARE SADLY PROOF NO AMOUNT OF
MILITARY FORCE WOULD EVER DELIVER A STABLE, UNITED SECURE
AFGHANISTAN KNOWN IN HISTORIES THE GRAVEYARD OF EMPIRES.
WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW COULD JUST AS EASILY HAPPEN FIVE YEARS AGO
OR 15 YEARS IN THE FUTURE.
>> Stephen: YES.
WE'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 YEARS.
4 ADMINISTRATIONS.
THE FIRST TWO, ONE REPUBLICAN, ONE DEMOCRAT, SAID WE MUST STAY
IN AFGHANISTAN.
THE LAST TWO, ONE REPUBLICAN AND ONE DEMOCRAT, SAID NAH, IT'S
TIME TO GO.
AND THE AMERICAN PEOPLE AGREED.
BOTH TIMES.
AS RECENTLY AS LAST MONTH, AN OVERWHELMING MAJORITY OF
AMERICANS - 70% OR MORE - SUPPORTED BIDEN'S WITHDRAWAL.
70% YOU KNOW HOW FEW THINGS 70% OF
AMERICANS AGREE ON?
I THINK THIS, AND EXTRA CHEESE.
WHICH ALSO OFTEN ENDS BADLY.
AND FASTER THAN YOU PLANNED.
SO, GOING IN?
BIPARTISAN.
LEAVING?
BIPARTISAN.
OR MAYBE NON-PARTISAN, BECAUSE FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS NO ONE HAS
WANTED TO TALK ABOUT AFGHANISTAN.
WHAT WE DO EVERY NIGHT, IS TO TALK ABOUT WHATEVER THE NATIONAL
KFERLINGS WAS ON THE DAILY BASIS JIM, PLAY THE SIZZLE REEL OF ALL
THE TIMES I'VE TALKED ABOUT AFGHANISTAN ON THE LATE SHOW:
(LOW WIND AND RUSTLING BRANCHES) >> Stephen: SO WHAT'S HAPPENING
NOW IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF BOTH PARTIES, AND THE AMERICAN
PEOPLE WHO VOTED THEM INTO OFFICE.
SO, CHILDREN AND CONVICTS, YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK.
ALSO, THANKS FOR WATCHING.
AND MAYBE BIDEN'S RIGHT.
MAYBE THERE WAS NO GOOD ALTERNATIVE.
WERE WE NEVER SUPPOSED TO LEAVE?
MAKE AFGHANISTAN THE 51ST STATE?
THEY'D HAVE BETTER COVID NUMBERS THAN FLORIDA.
PLAWS PLAWS SO SO YOU CAN MAKE US ACCEPT THAT
THERE WAS NO GOOD ALTERNATIVE.
BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE US FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT.
THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO CAN FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS ARE THE SERVICE
MEMBERS AND THEIR FAMILIES WHO AREN'T GONNA SEE SOLDIERS SENT
INTO HARM'S WAY FOR NO REASON THAT THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF OF
EITHER PARTY CAN ARTCULATE.
BUT THERE IS ONE MORE THING: FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS, 4 SEPARATE
ADMINISTRATIONS TOLD US TO CARE ABOUT THE PLIGHT OF ALL THE
AFGHAN PEOPLE.
ESPECIALLY THE WOMEN.
AND WE DID.
THAT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE.
ALL THAT'S CHANGED IS THAT THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT
IT NOW.
SO, PULLING OUT MAY BE THE RIGHT THING TO DO, BUT IT'S
HEARTBREAKING, IT'S HUMBLING WHEN THE RIGHT THING FEELS SO
WRONG.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, MY GUEST IS CBS CHIEF
MEDICAL CORRESPONDENT DR JON LAPOOK.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'RE GONNA LIGHTEN THINGS UP WITH
SOME NEWS ABOUT COVID.
STICK AROUND.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK.
LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE, STAY HUMAN.
THANK YOU JON, DELIGHTFUL.
COMING UP IN JUST A MINUTE, JON, YOU KNOW WHO IS THE GREATEST
MEDICAL CORRESPONDENT ON TV, DR. JON LaPOOK.
WE'VE HAD MR. LaPOOK ON MANY TIMES OVER THE COVID CRISIS AND
HE'S ON AGAIN TONIGHT.
WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT T IT IS NOT JUST THAT HE IS INFORMED, IT IS
THAT HE HAS GOT A FUNNY NAME, LaPOOK.
>> Jon: ST A COME DOE SHOW.
>> Stephen: IT DOESN'T TAKE ANYTHING AWAY FROM HIS
ACCOMPLISHMENTS OR INTELLIGENCE OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT BUT WHEN
YOU TALK ABOUT A HEAVY SUBJECT LIKE COVID, EVERY TIME YOU SAY
DR. LaPOOK, IT SAY LITTLE FUNNY, JUST A LITTLE FUNNY, THAT
HELPS.
>> Jon: EASY ICEBREAKER.
>> Stephen: BALANCES THINGS OUT.
FOLKS >> Stephen: HERE IN THE STATES,
WE'RE DEALING WITH OUR OWN SHOCKINGLY FAST SURGE.
EXPERTS ARE NOW SAYING THAT DUE TO THE DELTA VARIANT, THE FOURTH
WAVE OF COVID-19 IN THE U.S.
COULD BE WORSE THAN THE THIRD.
ARE YOU SURE THERE'S NOT MORE I COULD TALK ABOUT IN AFGHANISTAN?
ALL RIGHT, THIS COVID NEWS COMES FROM
DIRECTOR OF THE NATIONAL INSTITUTES OF HEALTH AND
INFECTIOUS DISEASE PROP COMIC, FRANCIS COLLINS.
YESTERDAY, COLLINS BROKE DOWN JUST HOW BAD IT COULD GET:
>> I WILL BE SURPRISED IF WE DON'T CROSS 200,000 CASES A DAY
IN THE NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKS AND THAT'S HEARTBREAKING CONSIDERING
WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD BE BACK IN THAT SPACE AGAIN.
>> Stephen: NO.
WE CAN'T GO BACK TO THAT SPACE AGAIN, OR ELSE I'LL HAVE TO GO
BACK TO 'THIS' SPACE AGAIN.
IF I'M GOING THERE, ALL OF YOU ARE COMING WITH ME I'LL FIT YOU
IN EVEN IF IT MEANS I HAVE TO CHOP YOU INTO CUBES AND STACK
YOU LIKE LEGO, I WILL NOT BE ALONE AGAIN.
DELTA IS TAKING A HUGE TOLL ON THE UNVACCINATED-- A GROUP THAT
INCLUDES CHILDREN AND PEOPLE ACTING LIKE CHILDREN.
AND THE REST OF US ARE STARTING TO GET PISSED OFF.
IN A NEW CBS/YOU GOV/ME TARZAN POLL, AMONG CALIFORNIANS WHO'VE
GOTTEN THEIR SHOTS, 59% SAY THE UNVACCINATED ARE PUTTING PEOPLE
LIKE ME AT RISK, WHILE 47% SAY THE UNVACCINATED MAKE ME UPSET
OR ANGRY.
UPSET OR ANGRY?
WHY CHOOSE?
THOSE ARE TWO GREAT FLAVORS THAT GO GREAT TOGETHER.
LIKE PEANUT BUTTER AND WHISKEY.
IT'S BEEN A LONG PANDEMIC.
BECAUSE OF THE DELTA SURGE, STARTING TODAY, NEW YORK CITY IS
REQUIRING PROOF OF VACCINATION FOR INDOOR DINING, GYMS, AND
ENTERTAINMENT.
I'M SO HAPPY I'M VACCINATED -- FOR TWO OF THOSE THREE.
IF MY GYM ASKS, I'M SCARED OF BILL GATES.
IF YOU'RE IN THE CITY AND WANT TO ATTEND A PREMIERE CULTURAL
INSTITUTION, LIKE, LET'S SAY, THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER, YOU CAN
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) SIMPLY , SHOW YOUR VACCINATION
CARD.
AND THEY WILL CHECK TO MAKE SURE IT'S REAL-- IT'S GOTTA HAVE THE
C.D.C. LOGO AND BE ALL BENT UP FROM BEING TOO BIG FOR YOUR
WALLET.
AND IT'S IMPORTANT CUZ FAKE VACCINE I.D.s ARE OUT
THERE.
OVER THE WEEKEND, FEDERAL AGENTS SEIZED THOUSANDS OF FAKE COVID
VACCINATION CARDS DESTINED FOR LOCATIONS ACROSS THE U.S..
THEY BECAME SUSPICIOUS WHEN THEY NOTICED THE FORMS HAD ERRORS,
INCLUDING MISSPELLINGS, UNFINISHED WORDS AND INCORRECT
SPANISH TRANSLATIONS.
SO DO NOT TRUST ANY CARD THAT CLAIMS TO SHOW:
"PORF OF VARXINATION AGINT EL NOW, ANTI-VAXERS HAVE ALL KINDS
OF STUPID REASONS THEY OPPOSE GETTING THEIR SHOTS.
BUT MAYBE THE STUPIDEST IS THAT THEY THINK THEIR 'PURE' SEMEN
WILL SKYROCKET IN VALUE.
I GUESS THAT SPAM EMAIL WAS TELLING THE TRUTH: YOU REALLY
CN MAKE TONS OF MONEY FROM HOME.
IT SHOULD BE NOTED THAT STUDIES HAVE DEFINITIVELY SHOWN THAT
GETTING VACCINATED DOES NOT, IN FACT, AFFECT SPERM QUALITY OR
COUNT.
BUT SOME COVID TRUTHERS HAVE CLAIMED THAT THE VACCINE CAUSES
MASS MALE INFERTILITY AND THAT ALL MALES WHO HAVE BEEN
VACCINATED ARE EFFECTIVELY STERILE.
SOUNDS FISHY, BUT I WILL POINT OUT, THEY VACCINATED PEOPLE OVER
75 FIRST, AND EVER SINCE, NONE OF THEM HAVE HAD KIDS.
WITH QUALITY SPERM SUPPOSEDLY HARD TO FIND, ANTI-VAXERS THINK
UNVACCINATED SPERM WILL BE THE NEXT BITCOIN.
SO, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, YOU CAN INVEST IN A "SPANK BANK."
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CBS CHIEF MEDICAL CORRESPONDENT DR
JON LAPOOK.
(APPLAUSE)
LAY, EVERYBODY >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.
MY FIRST GUEST IS A PHYSICIAN AND PROFESSOR OF MEDICINE AT
N.Y.U. LANGONE WHO SERVES AS CHIEF MEDICAL CORRESPONDENT FOR
CBS NEWS.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE SHOW, DR JON LAPOOK
(APPLAUSE) >> WOW.
>> Stephen: DOCTOR, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
THOUGH I WAS HOPING TO NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN, IN A PROFESSIONAL
CAPACITY.
>> AND GOOD DAY TO YOU, SIR.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
WELL, YOU HAVE BEEN GREAT.
YOU HAVE BEEN GREAT TO TALK TO OVER THE LAST 17 MONTH NOW, 17,
18 MONTH OF COVID.
YOU HAVE COME ON THE SHOW MANY TIMES.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE HAVE EVER ACTUALLY-- WE HAVE NEVER
SPOKEN IN PERSON, HAVE WE.
>> WELL, ONE TIME.
>> Stephen: OVER THE PHONE?
>> ONE TIME FOR TWO SECONDS AT CBS NEWS WHERE I'M CHIEF MEDICAL
CORRESPONDENT YOU WERE UP THERE WITH KATIE COURIC AND WE CAME BY
AND I SAID HY, YOU SAID HY.
>> Stephen: HY.
SO YOU HAVE BEEN GREAT OVER THE LAST YEAR AND A HALF.
BASICALLY GIVING US THE STRAIGHT DOPE ON WHAT IS HAPPENING AND
WHAT THE BEST PRACTICES ARE.
I KIND OF THOUGHT I HAD EVERYTHING COMPARTMENTALIZED IN
MY HEAD.
I'M FEELING CONFUSED NOW.
IN THAT REGARD I THINK I'M NOT UNCOMMON.
YOU SAID AT ONE POINT THIS COVID WILL HAVE A BEGINNING, MIDDLE
AND END.
WHERE ARE WE IN THAT PROCESS?
IS THIS THE END OF THE BEGINNING, THE BEGINNING OF THE
END OR THE MIDDLE OF THE MIDDLE?
>> SO FIRST OF ALL WE ARE A LOT BETTER OFF THAN WE WERE A YEAR
AGO.
I THINK WHAT HAPPENED IN THE LAST YEAR, WE HAVE THIS
ASTONISHINGLY EFFECTIVE AND SAFE VACCINE.
WE HAVE THERAPEUTICS.
WE HAVE THE REMDESIVIR, MONO CLONAL ANTIBODIES, WE NOW KNOW
SO MUCH MORE THANKS TO THE SCIENTISTS, BLESS THEM, ABOUT
HOW THO PROTECT OURSELVES THROUGH VENTILATION AND
FILTRATION.
REMEMBER A YEAR AGO WE WERE TALKING ABOUT IF YOU WERE SIX
FEET OR MORE FROM SOMEBODY YOU WOULD BE FACE, NOW THE AEROSOL
SCIENTISTS SAID NO, NO, THESE VIRUSES CAN FLOAT ACROSS THE
ROOM AND AEROSOLS AND CAN BUILD UP IF THERE IS NOT GOOD
VENTILATION.
YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT MORE LIKE SIGNIFICANT RED SMOKE.
IF YOU WERE INSIDE WITHOUT A MASK AND SOMEBODY WAS SMOKING 15
FEET AWAY, COULD YOU SMELL IT, YEAH, SO THEN THE VIRUS CAN GET
TO YOU.
AND THEN WE LEARNED ABOUT MASKS.
LOTS OF STUFFEDDEES, THEY ARE TOUGH TO DO PERFECTLY BUT WE
KNOW THAT THEY HAVE CONCLUDED THAT MASKS ARE EFFECTIVE.
THE BETTER THE MASK, THE MORE EFFECTIVE, AND FINALLY TESTING.
A YEAR AGO WE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TESTS, WE STILL DON'T REALLY
HAVE ENOUGH TEST BUT WE HAVE HOME TESTING, WE HAVE TO
IMPLEMENT THOSE MORE.
BEGINNING OF MAY EVERYTHING LOOKED GREAT, MY KNEES IT T HAD
A WEDDING THAT WAS INDOORS WITH 143 PEOPLE AND NOBODY WAS MASKED
AND EVERYBODY WAS VACCINATED AND WE THOUGHT OKAY, WE'RE OUT OF
THE WOODS AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, NOT SO FAST.
AND THE NOT SO FAST WAS BECAUSE OF TWO THINGS.
ONE IS DELTA.
BACK IN MAY DELTA WAS 1 PERCENT OF THE NUMBER OF CASES.
>> Stephen: I REMEMBER WHEN WE FIRST STARTED TALKING ABOUT IT.
>> YEAH.
AND NOW IT IS MORE THAN 90%.
ONE OF THESE VARIANT, AND MUCH MORE DANGEROUS, A THOUSAND TIMES
THE CONCENTRATION OF VIRUS IN THE NOSE.
>> Stephen: MORE DANGEROUS IN THAT IT SPHREDS FASTER OR THAT
IF YOU ARE GETTING IT TU ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE SERIOUSLY ILL
IF NOT VACCINATED.
>> GREAT QUESTION, BECAUSE ST PROBABLY BOTH.
>> Stephen: THAT IS ALL I DO, BABY.
>> I WILL TRY TO GIVE YOU FAIR TO MIDLAND ANSWERS.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> DEFINITELY MORE CON TABLING TOSS.
IT TURNS OUT THAT THE ORIGINAL THE ALPHA STRAIN, THE LAST
VARIANT, ONE PERSON COULD INFECT TWO PEOPLE.
NOW ONE PERSON CAN INFECT FIVE PEOPLE.
SO THAT IS A BIG DEAL.
>> Stephen: BUT THEN WHEN THEY GET IT ARE YOU MORE LIKELY TO BE
SERIOUSLY ILL IS THE QUESTION.
>> YES.
IT LOOKS LIKE THERE IS SOME EVIDENCE FROM OTHER COUNTRIES
THAT YOU PROBABLY ARE ACTUALLY, YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO BE MORE
SEVERELY ILL.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE IT REPRODUCES FASTER.
>> WE DON'T REALLY KNOW EXACTLY WHY THAT IS.
>> Stephen: I HEAR A LOT ABOUT A BIGGER VIRAL LOAD.
>> THERE IS A BIGGER VIRAL LOAD.
WE TALKED ABOUT A THOUSAND TIME MORE VIRUS IN THE NOSE.
IT IS ABLE TO INFECT PEOPLE MORE VICIOUSLY.
BUT THE QUESTION IS ONCE YOU ARE INFECTED DO YOU GET SICKER.
AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU PROBABLY DO GET SICKER, YOU HAVE THE
DOUBLE WHAMMY OF THAT AND NOW ANOTHER THING, WHICH IS THE
SECOND OF THE DOUBLE WHAMMY OF NEW THINGS THAT WE WEREN'T
EXPECTING TO BE SO BAD.
WHICH IS WE NOT ONLY HAVE COVID BUT WE HAVE AN EPIDEMIC OF
MISNRVETION-- MISINFORMATION AND DISINFORMATION AND THE TWO OF
THOSE HAVE COME TOGETHER AND THEY HAVE KNOCKED US FOR A LOOP
AND SO YES, WE'RE A LOT BETTER THAN WE WERE A YEAR AGO BUT
WE'RE NOT WHERE WE SHOULD BE BE.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
SO THAT MISINFORMATION AND DISINFORMATION, HOW IS THAT BEST
COMBATED.
YOU KNOW HOW TO DEFEAT COVID IF EVERYBODY DID IT.
SAY AWAY FROM EACH OTHER IF ARE YOU NOT VACCINATED, GET THE
VACCINE, AS SOON AS IT IS AVAILABLE TO YOU.
BUT WHAT IS THE INOCULATION AGAINST THE FEAR AND
MISINFORMATION.
>> ESPECIALLY TALK ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF VAKSZ NATION, IF
YOU LOOK AT A MAP OF THE UNITED STATES IT LOOKS ON FIRE, RIGHT,
FOR ORANGE AND RED, AND THE AREAS WHERE IT IS THE HOTTEST,
MOST ON FIRE ARE THE AREAS WITH THE LOWEST VACCINATION RATES IT
IS NOT MAGIC.
SO I THINK THE WAY THAT WE NEED TO DO T WHO KNOWS, RIGHT, THERE
WILL BE A LOT OF DIMP APPROACHES INCLUDING GOING TO COMMUNITY
AREAS NOT JUST THE HEAD OF THE NIH BUT PEOPLE IN THE LOCAL
COMMUNITIES AND PAR YOU WERES AND DOCTORS AND TRUSTED PEOPLE,
THERE IS ALL THAT.
BUT IN ADDITION, I THINK THAT WE HAVE TO HAVE MORE EMPATHY AS
WE'RE TRYING TO CHANGE PEOPLE'S MIND.
THIS IS WHAT I MEAN.
I THINK OF THE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ARE NOT GETTING VACCINATED
OR PUSHING BACK AGAINST THE MASKS, THEY ARE A BUNCH OF
PEOPLE ARE YOU NEVER GOING TO CHANGE THEIR MIND, NO WAY.
OKAY.
SO THEY ARE OVER HERE.
I DO THINK THERE ARE A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO CAN CHANGE THEIR MIND
IF YOU TALK TO THEM THE RIGHT WAY.
AND I THINK WE COME INTO THESE CONVERSATIONS COILED.
THEY ARE COILED AND WE'RE COILED.
AND WE STRIKE.
SO WE NEED TO GET THE BACK, UNCOIL AND START OFF NOT BY
TALKING BUT BY LISTENING.
SO I WILL GIVE YOU A SPECIFIC EXAMPLE.
HI SOMEBODY I WAS TALKING TO SAID I DON'T WANT MY DAUGHTER
WHO IS UNDER 12 WEARING A MASK TO SCHOOL.
INSTEAD OF LAUNCHING TOO THIS WHOLE EXPLANATION OF WHY SHE IS
WRONG.
I SAID WHAT ARE YOUR CONCERNED.
SHE SAID I HAVE THREE CONCERNS.
ONE IS IT IS IS UNCOMFORTABLE FOR HER.
I SAID OKAY, THAT IS ACTUALLY A REASONABLE CONCERN.
THE SECOND IS I WANT HER TO BE ABLE TO-- SINCE SHE WAS FIVE OR
SIX I WANT HER TO BE ABLE TO READ BODY LANGUAGE AND FACIAL
EXPRESSIONS, JUST FROM THE NOSE UP IT ST HARD.
>> OKAY, THAT IS REASONABLE.
AND THE THIRD SHE SAID IS I HEARD THAT IF YOU WEAR THE MASK,
CARBON DIOXIDE BUILDS UP IN THE BLOOD STREAM AND YOU CAN REALLY
GET SICK FROM THAT.
OKAY, THAT IS FACTUALLY INCORRECT T ST SCIENTIFICALLY
INCORRECT, NO WAY.
AND SHE SAID OH.
AND THEN WE WERE HAVING A CONVERSATION, INSTEAD OF JUST
YELLING AT EACH OTHER.
YOU LIKE WATER, I LIKE CLEAN WATER.
I LIKE CLEAN WATER.
AND WE'RE SUDDENLY TALKING.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK BUT STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE
RIGHT BACK WITH MORE DR. JON LaPOOK, EVERYBODY.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK WITH CBS CHIEF
MEDICAL CORRESPONDENT DR. JON LaPOOK.
FOR THE VACCINATED SWI EVERYBODY IN THIS BUILDING, SHOULD THEY
FREAK OUT ABOUT DELTA?
ABOUT GETTING IT, HOW IT WILL AFFECT THEM?
>> SO THEY SHOULD BE CONCERNED BUT THEY SHOULD NOT FREAK OUT.
AND I WILL TELL YOU A STORY, EVERYBODY IS WORRIED ABOUT
BREAKTHROUGH INFECTIONS, IF YOU'VE BEEN VACCINATED SUDDENLY
YOU ARE LEARNING THAT THERE ARE BREAKTHROUGH INFECTIONS.
THINK ABOUT T THERE ARE MORE THAN 160 MILLION PEOPLE WHO ARE
VACCINATED.
SO IF THE VACCINE WERE 95% EFFECTIVE AT PREVENTING CLINICAL
ILLNESS, YOU KNOW, SYMPTOMS, THAT IS STILL FIVE PERCENT OF
MORE THAN 160 MILLION.
THAT IS GOING TO MORE THAN 800 MILLION WHO WILL GET
BREAKTHROUGH INFECTIONS, SO THE QUESTION IS WHAT HAPPENS TO
THEM?
AND WE KNOW FROM THE OUTBREAK IN PROVINCETOWN WHERE PEOPLE WHO
WERE VACCINATED GOT THESE BREAKTHROUGH INFECTIONS, I JUST
SPOKE TO THE CDC AND HERE ARE THE LATEST NUMBERS ABOUT THAT.
WE'RE CLOSING IN ON ALMOST A THOUSAND PEOPLE WHO WERE
INFECTED FROM THAT EPIDEMIC IN, FROM THAT OUTBREAK IN
PROVINCETOWN.
MOST OF THEM WERE VACCINATED.
OF THOSE 7 HOSPITALIZATIONS, 0 DEATHS.
SO WHAT IS HAPPENING-- (APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: SO LESS THAN ONE TENTH OF 1 PERCENT.
>> EXACTLY, SO TURN A SCREW IN YOUR HEAD, OH MY GOSH, THESE
BREAKTHROUGHS, IT DOESN'T WORK, THIS IS PROOF THAT IT WORK, MOST
PEOPLE GETTING THE BREAK THROUGH INFECTIONS, ALTHOUGH SOME GET
SERIOUSLY ILL, THERE ARE A RELATIVELY SMALL NUMBER OF
DEATH, MOST PEOPLE DO QUITE WELL.
SO THESE VACCINES WORK IT IS JUST NOT EVEN UP FOR DEBATE.
>> Stephen: THE CDC HAS RECOMMENDED A THIRD DOSE, A
BOOSTER FOR THE IMMUNOCOMPROMISED, I THINK THE
VERY HE WOULD LEAR-- ELDERLY AT THIS POINT.
I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE.
WHEN FOR THE REST OF US, WHEN AM I IFING TO GO IN OR SHOULD I BE
GOING IN NOW TO CBS AND GOING GIVE ME A SHOT, JUST GIVE ME A
SHOT.
IS THAT COMING?
>> I CAN GIVE YOU SOME NEWS BECAUSE THE FDA JUST TEXTED ME
RIGHT BEFORE I CAME ON.
AND THEY SAID THAT PFIZER HAS ACTUALLY, IS IN THE PROCESS OF
SUBMITTING A PHASE ONE LIKE A FIRST PHASE SUBMISSION FOR THE
BOOSTER SHOTS SO IT COULD BE THAT IN THE.
>> YEAH.
>> LOOK AT THAT PHRASE, THAT IS GOOD TO KNOW, BUT I THOUGHT YOU
WERE GOING TO GIVE ME SOME NEWS THAT THE FDA HAD GIVEN FINAL
APPROVAL FOR THE VACCINES BECAUSE I HAVE FRIENDS AND LOVED
ONES WHO ARE LIKE I'M WAITING FOR THAT FULL FDA APPROVAL.
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO THOSE PEOPLE AND WHEN IS THAT COMING?
>> OKAY.
SO THEY DID NOT WAVE ME OFF SAYING THAT IT COULD BE BY THE
END OF AUGUST OR CERTAINLY BY THE BEGINNING OF SEPTEMBER.
I THINK BY THE END OF AUGUST, TWO OR THREE WEEKS I THINK WE'LL
SEE FULL APPROVAL OF IT.
FOR ONE THING.
I THINK SOMETIME IN THE FALL, EARLY FALL WE'LL SEE THEM START
TO THINK ABOUT THE BOOSTERS, IT DO TAKE AWHILE.
>> WHAT ABOUT FOR CHILDREN UNDER 12.
>> FOR CHILDREN UNDER 12 SAME THING.
>> THAT'S GOOD NEWS WITHIN THE NEXT TWO TO THREE WEEKS, FULL
APPROVAL.
PERHAPS A MONTH AFTER THAT.
>> SOMETIME IN THE FALL, EARLY FALL FOR CHILDREN.
>> FOR CHILDREN, I THINK SOMETIME AROUND THEN, UNDER 12
AND THEN THE LAST THING I WOULD REALLY MAKE A PUSH FOR TO GO
BACK TO THE EMPATHY THING WHEN IT DOMES TO MASKS AND EVERYTHING
ELSE.
I AM-- I STARTED SOMETHING CALLED THE EMPATHY PROJECT AT
NYU LANGONE HEALTH AND IT IS TO MAKE HOLLYWOOD QUALITY SHORT
FILMS AND USE THEM TO EACH TEACH MEDICAL STUDENTS, AND TO EMPOWER
PATIENTS TO DEMAND THAT.
AND I THINK-- RIGHT?
>> SO AN I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO MY STUDENTS ABOUT HOW
TO-- BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE ANGRY.
STUDENTS ARE ANGRY, MY COLLEAGUES ARE ANGRY AND FRAWS
TRAITED.
>> Stephen: WE DID THE POLL ABOUT CALIFORNIA, CALIFORNIANS
ARE ANGRY ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE AREN'T TAKING THE VACCINE.
>> WHAT DO WE SAY TO THESE PEOPLE, I SAY YOU GOT TO UNCOIL,
BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING TO CHANGE PEOPLE'S
MINDS BY ATTACKINGMENT YOU WON'T.
AND THERE ARE GOING TO BE THOSE PEOPLE YOU WOWNT CHANGE THEIR
MIND BUT THE PEOPLE WHO YOU CAN GET TO, IT THERE BE THROUGH
EMPATHY, WHAT ARE YOUR PROBLEMS, DON'T START OFF BY TALKING, STRT
OFF BY LISTENING, I THINK THAT IS SOMETHING WE HAVE TO DO MORE
OF.
(APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
DR. JON LaPOOK, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH COMEDIAN FIMI ABE.
HUGH, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS A WRITER FOR
"THE LATE LATE SHOW" AND STAND-UP COMEDIAN MAKING HIS
NETWORK TELEVISION DEBUT.
PLEASE WELCOME, FUMI ABE.
(APPLAUSE) THANK YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
OH MY GOD, OKAY, STOP IT IT SO GOOD TO BE HERE.
MY NAME IS FUMI T IS A JAPANESE NAME BUT I ACTUALLY TBREU UP IN
THE MIDWEST, I'M FROM OHIO AND IS IT IS NOT A VERY DIVERSE
PLACE, GROWING UP HAD A STRANGE CONVERSATIONS WITH MY
CLASSMATES.
>> ONE TIME I ASKED THIS GIRL OUT AND SHE WAS LIKE LISTEN,
DON'T TAKE THIS PERSONALLY BUT I'M JUST NOT IN ASIAN GUYS AND I
REMEMBER I WAS SITTING THERE BUT DUDE, I AM LIT REALLILY THE ONLY
ASIAN GUY YOU KNOW, LIKE THIS FEELS EXTREMELY PERSONAL.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW.
SHE JUST KEPT GOING, I DON'T KNOW, YOU TBIES ARE SO SHORT,
KIND OF SKINNY, NAME ARE ALWAYS LIKE FUMI, THAT IS ME.
ARE YOU DESCRIBING ME.
THAT IS A SAMPLE SIZE OF ONE,IA BITCH.
I KNOW CORONAVIRUS WAS VERY SCARY FOR A LONG TIME.
I REMEMBER WHEN IT IT WAS FIRST STARTED IT TWATION ESPECIALLY
SCARY FOR ASIAN AMERICANS, EVERY TIME TRUMP SAID CHIENY VIRUS
THERE WAS VIOLENCE AGAINST ASIAN PEOPLE.
THINGS GOT SO BAD IN NEW YORK THE ATTORNEY GENERAL CREATED A
HOTLINE FOR ASIAN PEOPLE TO CALL AND REPORT A CRIME, RIGHT.
AND I FEEL THIS IS A GREAT IDEA, BUT I CAN TELL THERE IS NO MONEY
BEHIND THIS PROJECT BECAUSE I TRIED CALLING THE OTHER DAY AND
I SWEAR TO GOD IT WAS LIKE HELLO, THANK YOU FOR CALLING.
PARAES PANYIOL, PRIMA DOINGS.
DUDE, DUDE, I WAS LIKE WHO THE HELL IS THIS FOR.
OKAY.
LIKE CAN I REPORT THIS, THIS IS THE HATE CRIME, I FOUND IT.
I FOUND T ACTUALLY.
LIKE ARE YOU TELLING ME SOMEBODY IS CALLING BEING LIKE OLA.
MIXER LLAMO ANGELA CHANGE, PEOPLE KEEP ASKING ME TO GO BACK
TO MI CASA, NOBODY TALKS LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW.
CRAZY.
I THINK DATING HAS BEEN DIFFICULT OVER THE PANDEMIC
BECAUSE REALLY BECAUSE WE-- I THINK THAT IS WHY A LOT OF
PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TRYING A LITTLE BIT OF SEXT.
I WAS TALKING TO A GIRL ON ONE OF THE APPS, THINGS WERE GETTING
KIND OF HOT AND SHE ASKED ME TO STEND HER A NUDE, OKAY, SHE
WANTED TO SEE A NAKED PICTURE OF PIE BODY.
AND OKAY, PLEASE STOP LAUGHING.
THAT'S-- OKAY.
I WAS REVIEWING IT, AND I REALIZED SOMETHING, I REALIZED
THE WAY YOU REVIEW A NUDE IN YOUR 30S, I'M 31 NOW, IS VERY
DIFFERENT THAN IN YOUR 20, IN YOUR 20S YOU TAKE A BODY MAWKING
YOUR BODY CUTE AND-- OR WHATEVER.
BUT I'M 3 1-RBGS LOOKING AT MY NUDE AND MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS MY
APARTMENT IS A MESS AND-- YEAH.
YEAH, I WAS JUST LIKE CLEANING FOR 45 MINUTES, YOU KNOW.
JUST VACUUMING IN THE NUDE, YOU KNOW.
I WAS CLEANING FOR SO LONG THAT THIS GIRL ACTUALLY TECHED BACK
SHE IS LIKE HEY, JUST CHECKING IN.
SHE FOLLOWED UP LIKE IT'S A WORK EMAIL.
SHE WAS LIKE HEY, JUST CIRCLING BACK ON THIS PENIS PDF.
WE'RE GOING TO NEED THAT FOR THE ALL-HANDS MEETING.
SO IF YOU CAN GET THAT BY EOD THAT WOULD BE AMAZING.
THANK YOU.
BUT I LEARNED SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT DURING THIS
TRANSACTION.
I LEARNED THAT WOMEN IN THEIR 30S WHEN THEY ASK A TBIE FOR THE
NUDE THEY DON'T CARE WHAT THEIR BODY LOOKS LIKE, THEY ARE
ACTUALLY JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT KIND OF APARTMENT YOU
LIVE IN.
YES, TOO T TO MAKE SURE YOU HAVE YOUR LIFE TOGETHER, RIGHT.
AND THAT IS WHY I TOOK MY NUDE NEXT TO MY IN UNIT WASHING AND
DRYING MACHINE, YES.
YEAH.
I WAS LIKE IT IS A SAMSUNG, LOOK AT, THAT DON'T LOOK DOWN HERE,
LOOK AT THE BRAND.
IT IS ALL ABOUT SHOWING YOUR ASSETS IN YOUR 30S.
LIKE FOR EXAMPLE I HAVE A BACKYARD, THAT SAY HUGE DEAL IN
NEW YORK CITY SO I TOOK ONE OUT THERE, CHECK OUT MY ABS, ALSO I
GROW MY OWN CHIEFS.
LOOK AT THIS, WOW.
WOW, WOW.
EVERYTHING CHANGES IN YOUR 30S.
LIKE FOR EXAMPLE THINKING ABOUT THE OLDER YOU GET, THE SADDER
YOUR DRUNK TEXTS GET.
YOU HAVE EVER THOUGHT ABOUT THIS.
BECAUSE I REMEMBER IN COLLEGE ALL MY DRUNK TEXTS WERE REALLY
FUN.
I REMEMBER IT WAS ALWAYS LIKE HEY, MEGAN, YOU UP?
BUT LAST NIGHT IT WAS LIKE HEY, MOM, WAS I A GOOD SON?
SO YOU KNOW, NOBODY WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH THAT GUY, YOU
KNOW.
THAT GUY HAS GO TO THERAPY AND IT IS A WHOLE THING, SO ANYWAYS,
I DID CATCH UP ON A LOT OF TV DURING THE QUARANTINE, MY I
FINISHED THIS SERIES CALLED INSECURE, A GREAT SHOW.
IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT ST ALL YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND FOR THE
JOKE IS IT A POPULAR SHOW AND ONE OF THE THINGS YOU ARE KNOWN
FOR IS A CAST PREDOMINANTLY BLACK AND MINORITY ACTORS SO IF
YOU DON'T WATCH IT, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.
AND I WAS WITH MY FRIEND AND AS WE WERE SAYING GOOD-BYE, OKAY
SEE YOU LATER FUMI, BY THE WAY, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WATCH
INSECURE BUT THERE IS THIS REALLY HOT ASIAN TBIE ON THIS
CURRENT SEASON, YOU SHOULD CHECK HIM OUT.
AND I WAS LIKE WHO TAUGHT YOU HOW TO STAY GOOD-BYE, OKAY?
LIKE ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW.
LIKE THIS IS THE WAY ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE SOCIAL
SITUATIONS, YOU CAN IMAGINE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF SHE WENT TO A
QUINSER IN', GOOD-BYE, BE SURE TO WATCH COCO, SO MANY MEXICANS,
THAT IS-- THAT IS LIKE THE RUDEST WAY TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO
ANYBODY, RIGHT, BUT AT THE TIME I WAS VERY SERIOUS, I'M ALL
ABOUT REMTIONZ.
I GET OUT, I TYPE IN ASIAN TBIE, LOOK HE IT GOOGLE IMAGE RESULTS
ONLY SEEING PICTURES OF SKINNY WEIRD ASIAN DUDES WHAT SHAPING
THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS THE HOT GUY SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT.
GI BACK ONE PAGE, LOOKING ON MY PHONE AND I REALIZE I FORGOT TO
TYPE IN HPO SO I JUST TYPED IN INSECURE ASIAN GUY.
YEAH.
I JUST DID LIKE A GENERAL SEARCH ON THE INTERNET FOR ASIAN DUDES
WITH NO CONFIDENCE, OKAY.
YEAH, I WAS CONFUSED I.
I WAS LIKE WHY IS IT JUST ME ON HERE.
WHAT IS HAPPENING.
THANK YOU SO MUCH, MY NAME IS FUMI.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: YOU CAN HEAR MORE ON HIS WEEKLY COMEDY PODCAST
ASIAN NOT ASIAN.
FUMI ABE.
EVERYBODY, WE'LL ROOB BACK.
SRS THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE SHOW, EVERYBODY, TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN
MY GUEST WILL BE CNN CORRESPONDENT CLARISSA WARD FROM
KABUL AND AMANDA PETE.
GOOD FLIGHT-- .
Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
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