>> L.S.U.'S "MIKE THE TIGER" IS NOW VACCINATED AGAINST COVID 19.
THE UNIVERSITY ANNOUNCED TODAY HE RECEIVED HIS FIRST DOSE AND
SECOND DOSE.
>> IT'S INTERESTING TO NOTE, WHILE THE TIGER GOT HIS SHOTS,
ONLY ABOUT 38% OF LOUISIANA'S POPULATION IS FULLY VACCINATED.
♪♪ >> ANNOUNCER: IT'S THE "LATE
SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!
TONIGHT: SOUTHERN EXPOSURE!
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES JENNIFER HUDSON
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN."
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
>> Stephen: I WAS WAITING FOR Y'ALL TO SHOW UP!
HOW ARE YOU?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
HAVE A GOOD SHOW.
( CHEERING ) PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR SHOWS STEPHEN COLBERT.
AND I'M -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT IS -- THAT IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF ENERGY I NEED BECAUSE
I'M NOT GOING TO SUGAR COAT IT, FOLKS, THE NEWS HAS BEEN A BIT
ROUGH LATELY, WHICH HAS LED TO SOME OF OUR NEWSPAPERS TO
BROADEN THEIR MARKETING STRATEGY.
THIS MORNING I SAW THIS SHOCKING TWEET -- THE "NEW YORK TIMES" IS
ROLLING OUT 18-PLUS SUBSCRIBER-ONLY NEWSLETTERS.
THAT'S RIGHT, Y'ALL.
ADULTS-ONLY CONTENT FOR 18 AND OVER.
IT'S THE "NEW YORK TIMES" -- ATER DARK
( SENSUAL MUSIC ) ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) THEY'RE SLIGHTLY CHANGING THEIR
MASTHEAD: "ALL THE NUDES THAT'S FIT TO PRINT."
THINGS ARE GOING TO GET NASTY AT THE OLD GREY LADY-- OR, AS I
CALL HER "THE MATURE HONEY."
GET READY TO SEE "NEW YORK TIMES" CROSSWORD PUZZLE EDITOR
WILL SHORTZ, SANS SHORTS.
( LAUGHTER ) ARE YOU READY TO SOLVE 69-DOWN?
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S A SEVEN-LETTER WORD FOR --
BIRTHDAY PRESENT.
( LAUGHTER ) THE INDUSTRY INSIDER WHO POSTED
THE ORIGINAL "18+" TWEET HAS SINCE DELETED IT AND EXPLAINED,
"TO BE CLEAR, I GOT LAZY AND SHOULD HAVE SAID "AT LEAST 18
NEWSLETTERS.
( LAUGHTER ) THE 'NEW YORK TIMES' IS NOT
GETTING INTO PORN."
DAMN IT!
( APPLAUSE ) AND IT'S TRUE, THEY'RE NOT
GETTING INTO PORN-- THEY'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR YEARS.
( LAUGHTER ) REMEMBER THEIR HEADLINE:
"TITANIC GOES DOWN...
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN."
( LAUGHTER ) BUT IF THE "NEW YORK TIMES"
ISN'T YOUR THING, YOU'VE STILL GOT THE "WASHINGTON POST."
AFTER ALL, THAT PAPER'S SLOGAN IS "DEMOCRACY DIES IN
DARKNESS... BUT BANGS WITH THE LIGHTS ON."
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, WHEN IT COMES TO COVID
THE NEWS SHOULD BE RATED "R," FOR "R WE EVER GOING TO GET OUT
OF THIS?" THE DELTA VARIANT HAS CAUSED A
HUGE COVID SPIKE, BUT NOT EVERY REGION HAS BEEN AFFECTED
EQUALLY.
CASES ARE GOING UP GRADUALLY IN THE NORTHEAST, MIDWEST, AND
WEST, BUT THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN.
( LAUGHTER ) THE PROBLEM IS--
YOU GUESSED IT-- IN THE SOUTH, FEWER PEOPLE ARE
VACCINATED, ON AVERAGE.
YOU CAN READ ABOUT IT IN THE CLASSIC SOUTHERN NOVEL, "TO KILL
A MOCKINGBIRD BY GIVING IT MEDICAL ADVICE FROM FACEBOOK."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERING ) CASES ARE RISING SO QUICKLY THAT
MISSISSIPPI'S HOSPITAL SYSTEM COULD FAIL IN TEN DAYS.
THEY'RE GOING TO TRY TO EXTEND THAT TIME BY COUNTING ONE
MISSISSIPPI, TWO MISSISSIPPI...
( LAUGHTER ) THREE MISSISSIPPI...
ONE MISSISSIPPI MEDICAL CENTER EVEN OPENED A PARKING GARAGE
BASEMENT FIELD HOSPITAL.
NOT EXACTLY WHERE YOU WANT TO GET YOUR HEALTHCARE.
(AS DOCTOR) "I'M AFRAID WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO MOVE YOU, MS. JOHNSON.
THIS BED IS FOR COMPACT CARS ONLY."
( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )
YOU KNOW WHO WANTS YOU TO TAKE THIS VIRUS SERIOUSLY?
THE KINDERGARTEN COP HIMSELF, FORMER CALIFORNIA GOVERNOR
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER.
HE HAD STRONG WORDS FOR PEOPLE WHO WON'T WEAR MASKS OR GET
VACCINATED.
>> I THINK PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THERE IS A VIRUS HERE.
IT KILLS PEOPLE.
AND THE ONLY WAY WE PREVENT IT IS, WE GET VACCINATED, WE WEAR
MASKS, WE DO SOCIAL DISTANCING, WASHING OUR HANDS ALL THE TIME,
AND NOT JUST THINKING ABOUT, "WELL, MY FREEDOM IS BEING KIND
OF DISTURBED HERE."
NO, SCREW YOUR FREEDOM, BECAUSE WITH FREEDOM COMES OBLIGATIONS
AND RESPONSIBILITIES.
YOU HAVE THE FREEDOM TO WEAR NO MASK, BUT YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
YOU'RE A SCHMUCK FOR NOT WEARING A MASK.
>> Stephen: WOW!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WOW!
THE TERMINATOR IS SO MAD.
BUT HE'S NOT GOING BACK IN TIME TO KILL YOUR MOTHER.
HE DOESN'T HAVE TO.
BECAUSE BY REFUSING THE VACCINE, YOU'LL DO IT FOR HIM.
SPEAKING OF CALIFORNIA-- INOY, IT'S A SAD STORY, ISN'T
IT?
BUTBUT IT'S A TRUE ONE.
SPEAKING OF CALIFORNIA -- FLORIDA --
( LAUGHTER ) -- WHICH ACCOUNTS FOR
NEARLY ONE IN FIVE U.S. COVID CASES.
ALSO, ONE IN FIVE CASES OF SPRING BREAK CHLAMYDIA.
THIS HUGE SURGE DOESN'T SEEM TO -- THAT'S ALSO A SAD BUT STREW
STORY.
( LAUGHTER ) VERY TENDER AUDIENCE TONIGHT.
VERY, VERY.
I'LL BE GENTLE.
THIS HUGE SURGE DOESN'T SEEM TO CONCERN FLORIDA GOVERNOR RON
DESANTIS, SEEN HERE BOASTING THE HIGHEST NUMBER HE CAN COUNT TO.
( BOOING ) DESANTIS HAS CLASHED REPEATEDLY
WITH PRESIDENT BIDEN OVER COVID SAFETY PROTOCOLS.
LAST WEEK, BIDEN SAID THAT IF DESANTIS WASN'T WILLING TO DO
ANYTHING ABOUT COVID, THEN HE SHOULD GET OUT OF THE WAY OF
PEOPLE WHO WILL.
THAT LED TO THIS EXCHANGE.
>> DO YOU HAVE A RESPONSE TO GOVERNOR DESANTIS, WHO IS USING
YOUR WORDS ABOUT "DON'T BE IN THE WAY," AND HE'S SAYING "I AM
IN THE WAY TO BLOCK TOO MUCH INTERFERENCE FROM THE FEDERAL
GOVERNMENT."
YOUR RESPONSE, MR. PRESIDENT?
>> GOVERNOR WHO?
( LAUGHS ) >> DeSANTIS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: COME ON.
COME ON, HA, HA.
HA, HA, HA.
BUT, COME ON, MR. PRESIDENT, SHOW SOME RESPECT.
HE SHOULD BE ADDRESSED BY HIS FULL NAME: GOVERNOR WHO...
DOESN'T CARE IF HIS VOTERS LIVE OR DIE.
( APPLAUSE ) THIS WEEK, FLORIDA, THE SUNSHINE
STATE HAD TO ASK THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION TO SEND
HUNDREDS OF VENTILATORS TO FLORIDA.
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN AWKWARD CONSIDERING LAST WEEK, DESANTIS
SAID THIS TO BIDEN: >> I DON'T WANT TO HEAR A BLIP
ABOUT COVID FROM YOU.
>> Stephen: WELL, GOVERNOR, LOOKS LIKE IT'S YOUR TURN TO EAT
BLIP.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
YEAH, BLIP FOR BRAINS.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT DESANTIS TRIED TO PLAY OFF
HIS STATE'S DESPERATE REQUEST FOR VENTILATORS.
>> I'M NOT-- I DIDN'T ASK, I DIDN'T KNOW, I HAVE NOT HEARD
ABOUT THAT.
SO I WOULD HAVE TO CHECK TO SEE WHETHER THAT'S TRUE OR NOT.
>> STEPHEN: (AS DESANTIS) "I DIDN'T ASK.
I HAVEN'T HEARD.
I HAVE TO CHECK IF THAT'S TRUE OR NOT.
OR IF I'M EVEN GOVERNOR OR NOT.
I MEAN, DOES CORONAVIRUS EVEN EXIST?
MAYBE NONE OF US ARE REAL.
WE'RE ALL JUST LIVING IN A GIANT'S DREAM, AND--
SMOKE BOMB!" ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) SPEAKING OF THE ADDLED RAMBLINGS
OF A DISEASED BRAIN: THERE'S SOME NEWS ABOUT MYPILLOW C.E.O.
MIKE LINDELL, SEEN HERE NOT BUYING CRACK.
LINDELL IS BEING SUED BY DOMINION VOTING SYSTEMS FOR
$1 BILLION FOR HIS LIES ABOUT ELECTION FRAUD.
BUT HE'S NOT GIVING UP.
THIS WEEK, HE HELD A LIVE-STREAMED CYBER SYMPOSIUM,
FOR WHICH HE HIRED A CYBER EXPERT "RED TEAM" AND GAVE THEM
WHAT HE SAID WAS 37 TERABYTES OF IRREFUTABLE EVIDENCE THAT
HACKERS BROKE INTO ELECTION SYSTEMS USING INTERCEPTED
"PACKET CAPTURES."
PACKET CAPTURES, OF COURSE, IS A TECHNICAL TERM THAT YOU MIGHT
KNOW BY THEIR STREET NAME, "PILLOW CASES."
( LAUGHTER ) WELL, THE CYBER RESULTS ARE IN:
LINDELL'S TEAM ANNOUNCED THAT THEY CAN'T PROVE HIS CLAIMS THAT
CHINA HACKED THE ELECTION.
WHEN ASKED WHY, THEY SAID, "WE WERE HANDED A TURD."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AND THAT TURD LOST THE ELECTION.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
CNN CALLED OUT LINDELL'S CYBER-NONSENSE, AND THAT DIDN'T
SIT TOO WELL WITH ONE ATTENDEE.
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, I'M NOT A COMPUTER GUY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT MOST OF THIS STUFF MEANS.
BUT I'VE BEEN RESEARCHING THIS ELECTION SINCE NOVEMBER 3.
BUT THE CNNS OF THE WORLD, YOU GUYS NEED TO START REPORTING
THIS AND STOP FACT-CHECKING IT.
>> STEPHEN: YES!
STOP "FACT-CHECKING," CNN!
IT'S A WASTE OF TIME!
THIS IS MIKE LINDELL.
NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU CHECK, YOU WON'T FIND ANY FACTS!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SPEAKING OF PEOPLE BEING SUED
FOR A BILLION DOLLARS: THE EX-PRESIDENT'S LAWYER, RUDY
GIULIANI, SEEN HERE LOSING A STARING CONTEST TO SOUP.
( LAUGHTER ) RUDY HAS ALSO BEEN SUED BY
DOMINION.
FOR A BILLION DOLLARS.
NOW HE'S FACING A MOUNTAIN OF LEGAL FEES.
THAT MOUNTAIN'S IN HIS APARTMENT, RIGHT NEXT TO THE
MOUNTAIN OF EMPTY FRANZIA BOXES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) TOTALLY WORTH IT.
ON TOP OF THAT, RUDY'S LAW LICENSE IN WASHINGTON WAS
SUSPENDED, AND HE WAS SUSPENDED FROM PRACTICING LAW IN NEW YORK
DUE TO "DEMONSTRABLY FALSE AND MISLEADING" STATEMENTS ABOUT THE
ELECTION.
WHICH MEANS HE'S CUT OFF FROM HIS PREVIOUS SOURCE OF INCOME:
TELLING LIES NEXT TO A DILDO SHOP.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
RUDY IS DESPERATE FOR CASH, SO THIS WEEK, HE DID WHAT ALL
PUBLIC SERVANTS DO WHEN THEY NEED A SECOND CAREER:
HE JOINED CAMEO, THE WEBSITE WHERE YOU CAN PAY FOR A
PERSONAL MESSAGE FROM FOLKS LIKE LENNY DYKSTRA, AND THE GUY WHO
PLAYED HODOR.
WHICH IS PERFECT IF YOU WANT TO WISH YOUR NEPHEW A VERY HODOR
HODOR.
HOW MUCH DOES IT COST TO GET AMERICA'S MAYOR TO WISH YOU A
HAPPY QUINCEANERA?
275 BUCKS.
THAT'S A GOOD DEAL.
HE'S 25 BUCKS CHEAPER THAN SNOOKI!
( LAUGHTER ) WHICH MAKES SENSE.
WHICH MAKES TOTAL SENSE.
SHE WAS ON "THE JERSEY SHORE."
HE LOOKS LIKE HE WASHED UP ON THE JERSEY SHORE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) HERE'S A TASTE.
>> HELLO, BILL, IT'S RUDY GIULIANI, AND I'M WISHING YOU A
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I CAN NEVER REMEMBER A CENSORSHIP LIKE THIS, WHERE THE
HARD DRIVE, THE ELECTION, THEY JUST CUT OFF 80% OF YOUR ABILITY
TO COMMUNICATE.
SO, I AM VERY WORRIED FOR OUR COUNTRY.
AT OUR AGE, WE WANT TO MAKE SURE WE LEAVE THE COUNTRY TO YOUR
WONDERFUL SONS.
YOUR WONDERFUL SONS, JEFF AND DAVID, WE WANT TO LEAVE IT AS
STRONG AS WE GOT IT.
AND RIGHT NOW, IT'S HEADED IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.
>> STEPHEN: WHAT AN UPLIFTING CELEBRATION.
( LAUGHTER ) "I WANT TO WISH YOU A WONDERFUL
BIRTHDAY, AND MANY MORE.
HOPEFULLY NOT SPENT IN THE CLINTON FOUNDATION'S FORCED
LABOR CAMPS, WHERE SOCIALISTS WILL MAKE YOUR WONDERFUL SONS
JEFF AND DAVID CASTRATE MR. POTATO HEAD."
( LAUGHTER ) HE EVEN SHARES HIS WISDOM WITH
INCOMING COLLEGE KIDS.
>> JOHNNY, I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE GOING TO BEGIN YOUR FIRST YEAR
AT NEW YORK UNIVERSITY.
FIRST OF ALL, CONGRATULATIONS.
I WENT TO N.Y.U. LAW SCHOOL, WHICH I'M SURE YOU'LL SEE EVERY
DAY ON YOUR WAY TO CLASS.
NOBODY CAN TELL YOU IN THIS POINT IN YOUR CAREER WHAT YOU'RE
ACTUALLY GOING TO DO.
>> STEPHEN: SO TRUE.
SOMETIMES YOU START OUT PRACTICING LAW, AND END UP AS A
VIDEO BIRTHDAY CLOWN.
( LAUGHTER ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MY GUEST IS JENNIFER HUDSON.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!"
♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THE SIDEWINDER, LEE MARVIN.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
JON, WHEN Y'ALL PLAY THE SIDEWINDER, THAT'S A PARTY I
WANT TO GO TO, I WANT TO BE INVITED TO THAT PARTY IN 19 --
WHEN WAS.
>> Jon: '63.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO GO TO THE PARTY AND HEARING THAT SONG,
EVERYBODY HEARING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME.
>> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS!
>> Stephen: I TELL YOU WHAT PARTY I WANT TO GO TO TONIGHT
BECAUSE JENNIFER JENNIFER IS GOING TO BE HERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I'M HAPPY AND GRATEFUL FOR ANY
OF OUR GUESTS P WHO COME OUT OF HERE.
WE GOT A TASTE OF JENNIFER'S PERFORMANCE IN REHEARSAL TODAY,
AND THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO BRING IN STRUCTURAL ENGINEERS
INTO THIS BUILDING TO MAKE SURE THIS DWELLING IS SAFE AFTER THIS
PERFORMANCE BECAUSE SHE'S GOING TO RIP THE ROOF OFF THIS PLACE.
WE MIGHT HAVE TO SHUT DOWN.
THIS MIGHT BE THE LAST SHOW TONIGHT.
>> Jon: RIGHT, WE MIGHT HAVE TOCLOSE OUT AFTER THIS.
>> Stephen: LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I SPENT A LOT OF TIME OVER THERE PRECISELY
MEASURING THE NEWS' INSEAM, SELECTING THE FINEST, MOST
TOPICAL IMPORTED MERINO STORY WOOL, AND THEN HAND-STITCHING IT
WITH JOKES TO CREATE THE BESPOKE, DOUBLE-BREASTED SAVILE
ROW CURRENT EVENTS SUIT THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I LIKE TO GATHER UP SOME USED
BURLAP FROM BEHIND THE MEAT-PACKING PLANT, DRAPE IT
OVER AN ABANDONED MANNEQUIN AT OLD MAN JENKINS' BURNED-DOWN
DRESS FACTORY, AND SEW IT ALL TOGETHER WITH SHOESTRINGS AND A
STAPLE GUN, TO CREATE FOR YOU THE HAUNTED POTATO-SACK
SCARECROW OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
"MEANWHILE!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT'S A PARK HORSE OF ENTERTAINMENT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: A MOUNTAIN.
PRESIDENTS A MOUNTAIN.
>> Stephen: OF POTENTIAL CASES.
"MEANWHILE!" -- SCIENTISTS SAY A PREHISTORIC LION CUB DISCOVERED
IN SIBERIA IS THE BEST PRESERVED ICE AGE ANIMAL EVER FOUND.
SORRY, CLINT EASTWOOD.
YOU'RE OUT OF THE TOP SLOT.
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, NEW YORK ISN'T THE
ONLY STATE WITH A BIG GUBERNATORIAL SEX SCANDAL,
BECAUSE A UTAH RESIDENT IS DEMANDING GOVERNOR SPENCER COX
CHANGE HIS "OBSCENE" LAST NAME, WRITING, "I DO NOT KNOW IF YOU
KNOW THIS, BUT WHEN PEOPLE SAY YOUR SURNAME IT SOUNDS LIKE THE
WORD ( BLEEP ).
IT'S OBSCENE!
US DECENT PEOPLE HERE IN UTAH WILL NOT STAND FOR IT."
"WHEN I HEAR YOUR NAME, ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS PENISES.
ALSO, WHEN I LOOK AT TALL BUILDINGS, CUCUMBERS, KETCHUP
BOTTLES, THOSE CLICKY PENS WITH FOUR DIFFERENT COLORS.
IT'S NOT LIKE GENERATIONS OF SEXUAL REPRESSION HAVE TAINTED
ME-- OH, NO!
I SAID 'TAINT!' I'LL SEE MYSELF OUT.
GOOD DAY, SIR!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
"MEANWHILE!" -- OH, STILL THE SAME STORY.
I WAS SURE I WAS MOVING ON.
( LAUGHTER ) PLUS, WHOEVER THIS IS CLEARLY
GOVERNORS, LIKE ALFRED CUMMING STEPHEN S. HARDING
GEORGE LEMUEL WOODS NORMAN H. BANGERTER, AND
LANCE R. SEX-PENIS.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE -- ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) MEANWHILE, IN COFFEE NEWS, DUE
TO RISING BEAN COSTS, STARBUCKS SAYS THEY COULD INCREASE PRICES.
WAIT, YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT MY $9 LATTE MIGHT BECOME...
EXPENSIVE?
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, IN FOOD NEWS, THE
FALL PUMPKIN MENU AT DUNKIN' WILL LAUNCH EARLIER THAN EVER
BEFORE: FEATURING PUMPKIN-FLAVORED MUFFINS, APPLE
CIDER DONUTS, AND, OF COURSE, PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES, ALL
AVAILABLE STARTING AUGUST 18.
BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE WALKING AROUND IN 95-DEGREE HEAT, YOU
KNOW WHAT REALLY HITS THE SPOT?
SPICY STEAMED MILK.
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, A RESEARCH VESSEL
EXPLORING MORE THAN A MILE UNDER THE SURFACE OF THE ATLANTIC
OCEAN MADE A SURPRISING DISCOVERY: A SPONGE THAT LOOKED
LIKE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, AND RIGHT NEXT TO IT, A PINK SEA
STAR THAT RESEMBLED PATRICK, SPONGEBOB'S BEST FRIEND.
HERE'S A LOOK.
WOW!
( APPLAUSE ) THAT REALLY LOOKS LIKE THEM!
ACTUALLY, I DON'T THINK WE CAN SHOW THAT ON CBS.
JIM?
THANK YOU.
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, "MOST KITTENS SEE
THEIR OWNERS AS PARENTS, A NEW STUDY HAS FOUND."
OKAY?
SO EVERYONE, STOP COMPLAINING WHEN I'M BREASTFEEDING MY CAT.
WE'RE NOT WEIRD.
YOU'RE WEIRD.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JENNIFER HUDSON.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW,"
EVERYBODY.
FOLKS, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACADEMY
AWARD-WINNING ACTRESS AND TWO-TIME GRAMMY AWARD-WINNING
SINGER YOU KNOW FROM "DREAMGIRLS" AND "THE COLOR
PURPLE," AND NOW SHE PLAYS ARETHA FRANKLIN IN HER NEW FILM,
"RESPECT."
♪♪ ♪♪
♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT -- ♪ ♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪
♪
( CLEARS THROAT ) ♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪
>> ONE MORE TIME.
♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT.
>> GO A THIRD BELOW, CAROLYN.
♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪ ♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪
♪ YEAH, BABY ♪
♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪ ♪ SOCK IT TO ME ♪
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE
SHOW" JENNIFER HUDSON!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
♪ FREEDOM ♪ ♪ FREEDOM ♪
♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> WOW!
HEY, LOVELY TO HAVE YOU BACK.
I FEEL THE LOVE AND I'M SO HAPPY TO BE BACK.
>> Stephen: YES, I'M CLEARLY NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO'S EXCITED.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: LAST TIME YOU WERE
HERE, WE TALKED ABOUT ARETHA FRANKLIN, AND YOU ALREADY HAD A
RELATIONSHIP WITH HER BEFORE WORKING ON THIS PROJECT AND THE
FACT SHE HAND-PICKED YOU AS THE PERSON SHE WANTED TO PLAY HER IN
HER BIO PIC.
WHILE YOU HAD THIS RELATIONSHIP, WAS THERE ANYTHING YOU DIDN'T
KNOW ABOUT ARETHA FRANKLIN IN ALL YOUR YEARS OF YOUR
FRIENDSHIP.
>> I DIDN'T KNOW HOW CLOSE SHE AND DR. KING WAS AND HOW SHE WAS
SO MUCH A PART OF ACTIVISM.
>> Stephen: I HAVE A PHOTO.
THE STAPLE SINGERS WOULD OPEN FOR HIM.
WOULD SHE PERFORM?
>> YEAH, SHE TRAVELED WITH HIM DURING THE MOVEMENT.
SHE WAS THE VOICE OF IT.
SHE SHIFTED HER PLATFORM AND HELPED INSPIRE THE PEOPLE DURING
THE MOVEMENT AT THE TIME.
THIS IS POWERFUL, YOU KNOW.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU
ALSO RECENTLY HAD A CHANCE TO GO TO DETROIT TO HER CHILDHOOD HOME
AND THIS IS YOU WITH HENCE MANY OF HER FAMILY OUTSIDE HER HOME
IN DETROIT.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS THAT LIKE.
>> THAT WAS MY FAVORITE PART.
SO THERE IS HER GRANDDAUGHTER GRACE RIGHT THERE.
THIS IS HER CHILDHOOD HOME.
THEY SAID THEY WANTED ME TO TAKE THEM BACK TO HER CHILDHOOD HOME
AND HER GRAND BABY IS SAYING AIN'T NO WAY RIGHT THERE ON THE
STEPS AND GRACE AND VICTORY AND JORDAN.
THAT WAS A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT BECAUSE WE REMINISCE ON OUR
FAVORITE MOMENTS OF HEARSE AND HER SONGS.
>> Stephen: YOU AND ARETHA SPOKE A LOT IN HER LAST TEN
YEARS OF HER LIFE.
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING Y'ALL TALKED ABOUT.
>> SHE TOLD ME WHAT SHE HAD EATEN.
>> Stephen: WOULD YOU MEAN SHARING.
>> IT WAS AS IF SHE COULD TASTE IT ON THE PHONE.
I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT MEAL IT WAS.
THEN SHE SANG IT TO ME ON THE CALL.
IT WAS BY THE ISLEY BROTHERS.
SHE SAID, IT'S THE ISLEY BROTHERS.
I SAID, YES, MA'AM, I KNOW.
AND SHE KNEW MY SON WAS COOKING.
I SAID, YOU KNOW THAT?
SHE SAID, YES.
>> Stephen: HOW LONG WAS THIS BEFORE SHE DIED?
>> MAYBE LESS THAN A WEEK.
I WAS ONE OF THE LAST PEOPLE TO HEAR FROM HER.
>> Stephen: MAYBE ONE OF THE LAST PEOPLE TO HEAR HER SING.
>> HEAR HER SING BECAUSE SHE SANG ON THE CALL.
>> Stephen: DID YOU EVER SEE HER SING AT THE KENNEDY CENTER
HONORS WHEN SHE SANG FOR CAROL KING WHEN SHE SANG FOR THE
KENNEDY CENTER HONORS?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: I WAS HOSTING IN THE WINGS WATCHING HER.
>> THAT'S A SPECIAL MOMENT TO HAVE.
>> Stephen: IT WAS.
IT WAS ONLY A FEW YEARS AGO, SHE COMES OUT WITH A POCKETBOOK AND
PUTS IT ON THE PIANO, WITH A BIG FUR.
AND SHE STARTS OFF SOFT AND LOW.
I SAID TO THE STAGE MANAGER, I WISH I HAD SEEN HER WHEN SHE
STILL HAD THE PIPES.
HE LOOKS AT ME AND 45 SECONDS LATER I TURNED TO HIM AND SAID,
I'M AN IDIOT.
SHE STOOD UP AND ABSOLUTELY BURNED THE HOUSE TO THE GROUND.
SHE HAD IT TO THE VERY END.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: EXTRAORDINARY.
YOU GOT TO WORK WITH CAROL KING HERSELF, KENNEDY CENTER HONOREE
AND THE WOMAN WHO WROTE "YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A NATURAL
WOMAN."
YOU WROTE A SONG FOR THE MOVIE.
WHAT WAS THAT LIKE?
>> A DREAM TO WORK WITH CAROL KING.
JAMIE CAME AND SAID, CAROLE KING COULD WRITE THE TITLE TRACK.
SHE CAME IN.
IT WAS OVER ZOOM BECAUSE TO HAVE THE PANDEMIC.
WE HAD OUR CONVERSATIONS OVER ZOOM.
SHE SPOKE FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH ARETHA AND SO
DID I.
IT PARALLELED WITH THE SONG.
SHE SAID, I GET TO SING AND WRITE ON IT?
WHAT IS THAT LIKE TO WORK WITH CAROLE KING BECAUSE WHO BETTER
THAN HAVE HER PUT THE BOW AND CHERRY ON TOP IN A TRIBUTE TO
ARETHA FRANKLIN.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YOUR CONNECTION
BACK TO ARETHA FRANKLIN ACTUALLY GOES BACK TO BEFORE YOU EVEN
KNEW ARETHA FRANKLIN.
THE FIRST TIME MOST PEOPLE IN AMERICA GOT TO HEAR YOU SING WAS
YOUR AUDITION FOR AMERICAN IDOL.
YOUR BREAKOUT.
LET'S SHOW THEM.
>> WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SING?
SHOW YOUR LOVE FOR ME BY ARETHA FRANKLIN.
>> Stephen: GO FOR IT.
♪ IT'S AN EVIL WIND THAT BLOWS NO GOOD, YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ IT'S A SAD HEART THAT WON'T LOVE LIKE I KNOW IT SHOULD ♪
♪ OH HOW LONG YOU MUST BE, IT'S A SHAME IF YOU DON'T SHARE SOME
OF YOUR LOVE WITH ME ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪ >> DON'T YOU PLAY IT!
DON'T YOU DO IT!
>> Stephen: WHY DID YOU CHOOSE THAT SONG?
>> BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO A SINGING COMPETITION.
YOU GOT TO GET THE BEST IF YOU'RE GOING TO TRY TO BE IN A
COMPETITION SO WHO BETTER THAN TO GET ARETHA FRANKLIN.
THI WAS AT THE WOOL WORTH AS A KID.
I SAW THAT SONG AND I SAID, I'M SINGING ARETHA FRANKLIN.
AND NOW I'M PLAYING HER.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WHEN YOU LOOK BACK
AT THAT, DO YOU WANT TO GIVE ADVICE TO THAT YOUNG WOMAN ABOUT
HOW SHE'S SINGING THAT SONG?
ARE YOU HAPPY WITH THAT PERFORMANCE?
>> YOU KNOW, I WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS, OBVIOUSLY.
I WOULD SAY, JENNIFER, DON'T BACK YOURSELF UP, TOO.
BECAUSE I SANG THE LEAD AND BACKED MYSELF UP.
( SINGING AND BACKUP ) ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: YOU CAN DO IT ALL.
YOU SAID YOU DON'T WANT JOHN TO PLAY THE SONG AND YOU JUMPED
RIGHT IN.
YOU WILL BE PERFORMING THE SAME VENUE AUGUST 2 IS, I BELIEVE,
BECAUSE YOU'RE BOTH DOING THE NEW YORK REOPENS CONCERT, THE
HOME COMING CONCERT CELEBRATION.
>> I'M SUCH A FAN.
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU GUYS EVER PERFORMED TOGETHER BEFORE?
>> WE HAVEN'T PERFORMED TOGETHER YET.
>> Jon: WE GOT TO DO IT.
I'M WAITING FOR THAT OPPORTUNITY.
I'M SUCH A FAN.
>> Stephen: LET'S TRY TO FIGURE OUT AN OPPORTUNITY IN
JUST A MINUTE.
BUT RIGHT NOW WE'VE GOT TO TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF A COMMERCIAL
BREAK.
DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
BACK WITH JENNIFER JENNIFER AND SHE IS GOING TO BURN THE PLACE
TO THE GROUND.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WE'RE BACK HERE WITH THE STAR OF THE NEW FILM "RESPECT," JENNIFER
JENNIFER IS IT TRUE THAT BECAUSE ARETHA PLAYED YOU LEARN TO PLAY
PIANO WITH THIS ROLE.
>> YES, IT WAS THE MOST UNNATURAL PART TO ME SO I SAID I
HAD TO START WITH THE PIANO FIRST.
>> Stephen: DID YOU HAVE ANY INSTRUMENTAL TRAINING.
>> EARLY ON IN HIGH SCHOOL, AND EVERY ONE IN MY FAMILY PLAYED BY
EAR BUT I NEVER DEVELOPED THAT PART.
I HAD THE PASSION FOR SINGING NOT PLAYING.
NOW SINCE PLAYING HER, IT'S GIVEN ME A NEW PASSION TO WANT
TO PLAY MORE.
>> Stephen: ONE TO HAVE THE CHALLENGING THINGS ABOUT PLAYING
PIANO FOR YOU, I WOULD IMAGINE, IS CAN I SEE YOUR HANDS, PLEASE?
>> WELL, I GOT TO HAVE MY NAILS, NOW.
>> Stephen: THEY'RE NOT JUST LONG, THEY'RE REALLY POINTY.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: HOW DO YOU PLAY THE PIANO.
>> I WAS A CAT, TOO, NOW.
>> Stephen: DO YOU PLAY WITH YOUR MIDDLE KNUCKLE?
>> UNFORTUNATELY THE NAILS GET CAUGHT IN BETWEEN THE KEYS SO IF
YOU HEAR A WRONG NOTE THAT'S THE NAIL AND HIT OTHER NOTES.
SO I'M SURE YOU DON'T HAVE THAT PROBLEM.
>> Stephen: DIDN'T OCCUR TO YOU TO TAKE THOSE OFF?
>> MY PIANO TEACHER IS CAN YOU TAKE OFF THE NAILS?
NO.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: DID YOU SING WITH
ARETHA AT ANY POINT?
>> YOU KNOW WHAT, I NEVER GOT TO SING WITH HER BUT I GOT TO
TRIBUTE HER I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES AND GOT TO OPEN UP
FOR HER RIGHT AFTER I WAS ELIMINATED FROM AMERICAN IDOL.
THAT WAS MY VERY FIRST TIME MEETING HER.
>> Stephen: YOU ELIMINATED AND IMMEDIATELY OPENED UP FOR HER IN
A CONCERT.
>> YEAH, I THINK THE SHOW WAS STILL HAPPENING, AND THEN SHE
ALLOWED ME TO OPEN UP FOR HER IN HER SHOW, SO I GOT TO SEE HER
SING AND I GOT TO OPEN UP THE SHOW, AND THAT WAS MY FIRST TIME
MEETING HER AND GIVE HER FLOWERS, OF COURSE.
>> Stephen: I WANT EVERYONE TO REMEMBER YOU OSCAR WINNER
JENNIFER HUDSON CAME IN SEVENTH.
>> SEVENTH PLACE, A PROUD OF IT!
YES, SIR!
>> Stephen: LUCKY SEVEN.
( APPLAUSE ) NOW, SINCE YOU'RE PLAYING ARETHA
FRANKLIN, YOU KNOW ARETHA FRANKLIN, YOU HAVE HER VOICE IN
YO YOUR HEAD, BUT OWE HEAR JENNIFER HUDSON SINGING, YOU
KNOW IT'S JENNIFER HUDSON.
HOW DOES JENNIFER HUDSON BE HER TRUE SELF SINGING ARETHA.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
HOW ABOUT THIS, IN YOUR MIND WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
YOUR VOICES HOW ARETHA WOULD DO "NATURAL WOMAN" AND HOW YOU
WOULD DO IT?
>> OKAY I HAD A COACH AND HE TOLD ME ARETHA SINGS FROM THE
TOP OF HER HEAD.
I SAID, WHERE DO I SING FROM?
HE SAID, YOUR FEET.
>> Stephen: I DON'T UNDERSTAND, NOT BEING A SINGER
MYSELF.
>> I PROBABLY COULD SHOW YOU BETTER THAN I COULD TELL YOU.
CAN I SHOW YOU?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> COME ON!
>> Stephen: LET'S GO!
AAAHHH!
AND THEN, YOU GOING TO HELP ME DOWN?
CAN I PLAY ON YOUR KEYS?
OH, MY GOD!
REMEMBER I HAVE THESE NAILS, OKAY?
DON'T FORGET THAT PART.
AND JOHN IS STANDING HERE WATCHING ME.
ARETHA PLAYED.
I PECK.
LET'S BE CLEAR.
AND THIS IS MY SINGER RIGHT HERE.
SO TO GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE, I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE PLAYED WITH
HEELS ON.
JON, DON'T BE WATCHING ME, OKAY.
ARETHA WAS MORE.
♪♪ ♪ LOOKIN' OUT ON THE MORNING
RAIN ♪ AND JENNIFER EVER WOULD SING ♪
♪ I USED TO FEEL SO UNINSPIRED ♪ ♪♪
♪ AND WHEN I KNEW I HAD TO FACE ANOTHER DAY ♪
♪ LORD, IT MADE ME FEEL SO TIRED ♪
♪ BEFORE THE DAY I MET YOU ♪ ♪ LIFE WAS SO UNKIND ♪
♪ BUT YOU'RE THE KEY TO MY PEACE OF MIND ♪
♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL ♪
♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A NATURAL WOMAN ♪
♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL ♪
♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A NATURAL WOMAN ♪
>> HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!
♪♪ ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL ♪
♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A
NATURAL WOMAN ♪ ♪
♪ WHOO... ♪ ♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
>> Stephen: AND NOW PERFORMING THE TITLE
TRACK FROM THE NEW MOVIE, "RESPECT," JENNIFER HUDSON!
>> HIT ME!
Y'ALL CAN PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER.
♪♪ THIS IS A CELEBRATION!
♪ WHAT YOU WANT?
BABY, I GOT IT ♪ WHAT YOU NEED
DO YOU KNOW I GOT IT ♪ ALL I'M ASKIN'
IS FOR A LITTLE RESPECT ♪ WHEN YOU COME HOME
JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪ HEY, BABY
JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪ WHEN YOU GET HOME
JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪ MISTER
JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪ I AIN'T GONNA DO YOU WRONG
WHILE YOU'RE GONE ♪ I AIN'T GONNA DO YOU WRONG
'CAUSE I DON'T WANNA ♪ BUT ALL I'M ASKIN'
IS FOR A LITTLE RESPECT ♪ WHEN YOU COME HOME
JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪ YEAH, BABY
JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪ WHEN YOU GET HOME
JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪ YEAH
JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪ I'M ABOUT TO GIVE YOU
ALL OF MY MONEY ♪ AND ALL I'M ASKIN'
IN RETURN, HONEY ♪ IS TO GIVE ME MY PROPERS
WHEN YOU GET HOME ♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT
YEAH, BABY ♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT
YEAH JUST A LITTLE BIT
♪ OOH, YOUR KISSES SWEETER THAN HONEY
♪ AND GUESS WHAT?
SO IS MY MONEY ♪ ALL I WANT YOU TO DO FOR ME
IS GIVE IT TO ME ♪ WHEN YOU GET HOME
RE, RE, RE, RE ♪ YEAH, BABY
♪ WHEN YOU GET HOME, NOW JUST A LITTLE BIT
♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO ME
♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T TAKE CARE, T.C.B.
♪ OH SOCK IT TO ME, SOCK IT TO ME
♪ SOCK IT TO ME, SOCK IT TO ME A LITTLE RESPECT
♪ SOCK IT TO ME, SOCK IT TO ME SOCK IT TO ME, SOCK IT TO ME
♪ WHOA, BABE JUST A LITTLE BIT
♪ JUST A LITTLE RESPECT JUST A LITTLE BIT
♪ I GET TIRED JUST A LITTLE BIT
♪ KEEP ON TRYIN' JUST A LITTLE BIT
♪ YOU'RE RUNNIN' OUT OF FOOLIN' JUST A LITTLE BIT
♪ AND I AIN'T LYIN' JUST A LITTLE BIT
♪ WHEN YOU COME HOME ♪ OR YOU MIGHT WALK IN
RESPECT, JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪ AND FIND OUT I'M GONE
JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪ HEY
YEAH ♪ ♪ ANYBODY WANT SOME RESPECT ♪
♪ DO YOU WANT SOME RESPECT ♪ ♪ CAN YOU SAY IT ♪
♪ YEAH!
♪ ♪ JUST A LITTLE IT ♪
♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪ ♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪
♪ I GOT TO HAVE SOME RESPECT ♪ ♪ HEY, HEY, HEY ♪
♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪ ♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ SAY, HEY ♪
♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪ ♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪
♪ HEYYYYYY! ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
>> Stephen: "RESPECT" IS IN THEATERS TOMORROW!
JENNIFER HUDSON, EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> Stephen: WELL, THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
GOOD NIGHT.