1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:04,738 >> THIS MORNING, HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ARE 2 00:00:04,804 --> 00:00:06,473 CONVERGING ON A SMALL SOUTH DAKOTA TOWN FOR THE ANNUAL 3 00:00:06,539 --> 00:00:08,908 STURGIS MOTORCYCLE RALLY. 4 00:00:08,975 --> 00:00:09,876 IT'S A 10-DAY EVENT. 5 00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:12,212 NO MASK MANDATES, NO VACCINE REQUIREMENTS. 6 00:00:12,278 --> 00:00:15,048 ALL OF THIS AMONG RISING COVID CASES ACROSS THE COUNTRY FUELED 7 00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:17,817 BY THE HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS DELTA VARIANT. 8 00:00:17,884 --> 00:00:20,387 DR. FAUCI SAYS HE'S CONCERNED THAT THIS YEAR'S RALLY COULD 9 00:00:20,453 --> 00:00:20,887 SPARK A NEW SURGE. 10 00:00:21,988 --> 00:00:29,963 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> OH, JOHNNY, WHAT ARE YOU 11 00:00:41,641 --> 00:00:41,975 REBELLING AGAINST? 12 00:00:42,041 --> 00:00:45,945 >> TONY FAUCI. 13 00:01:00,293 --> 00:01:05,932 >> STURGIS WAS A MISTAKE. 14 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:08,201 STURGIS WAS A MISTAKE. 15 00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:09,936 SONNY, GET THE SHOT. 16 00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:20,180 ( GUNFIRE ) I SHOULDA SAID VACCINATION. 17 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:30,223 >> Announcer: IT'S THE "LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! 18 00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:35,595 >> Announcer: IT'S THE "LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! 19 00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:37,931 TONIGHT: PLANES, TRAINS, & BIPARTISAN DEALS! 20 00:01:37,997 --> 00:01:40,967 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES ALAN ALDA 21 00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:42,101 GABRIEL IGLESIAS FEATURING JON BATISTE AND 22 00:01:42,168 --> 00:01:43,837 "STAY HUMAN." 23 00:01:43,903 --> 00:01:45,939 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 24 00:01:46,005 --> 00:01:48,208 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 25 00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:57,050 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY. 26 00:01:57,116 --> 00:01:57,283 HELLO. 27 00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:57,917 HEY. 28 00:01:57,984 --> 00:02:06,226 HAVE A SEAT. 29 00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:08,228 >> Jon: ALL DAY. 30 00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:16,402 >> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU. 31 00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:17,103 HEY! 32 00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:21,241 PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY. 33 00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:22,208 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 34 00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:26,446 WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO THE LATE SHOW. 35 00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:29,916 I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 36 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:33,920 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, SOMETHING INCREDIBLE HAPPENED IN THE U.S. 37 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,222 SENATE. 38 00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:44,497 BECAUSE THEY PASSED A $1.2 TRILLION INFRASTRUCTURE BILL. 39 00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:48,234 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) TO PUT THAT INTO PERSPECTIVE: IF 40 00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:53,606 YOU TOOK 1.2 TRILLION $1 BILLS AND LAID THEM END TO END, THEY'D 41 00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:58,611 MAKE BETTER ROADS THAN WHAT WE'RE DRIVING ON NOW. 42 00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:04,984 WHICH WHY WE NEED THE BILL. 43 00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:05,919 NOW, SOMETHING. 44 00:03:05,985 --> 00:03:09,756 THIS WASN'T A 50-50 PARTY LINE SPLIT. 45 00:03:09,822 --> 00:03:15,662 THE NUMBER OF SENATORS WHO VOTED FOR THE BILL WAS 69. 46 00:03:15,728 --> 00:03:21,935 >> Jon: YEAH. 47 00:03:22,001 --> 00:03:22,769 NICE! 48 00:03:22,835 --> 00:03:24,938 THAT BIPARTISANSHIP IS STILL POSSIBLE. 49 00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:27,941 IN FACT, 19 REPUBLICAN SENATORS JOINED EVERY DEMOCRAT IN FAVOR. 50 00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:29,943 THE LAST TIME THAT MANY REPUBLICANS CROSSED THE AISLE IN 51 00:03:30,009 --> 00:03:36,549 CONGRESS, IT WAS TO STEAL NANCY PELOSI'S PODIUM. 52 00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:37,951 (LAUGHTER) EVEN, EVEN-- . 53 00:03:38,017 --> 00:03:39,085 >> Jon: THAT REALLY HAPPENED. 54 00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:41,321 >> Stephen: TRUE EVEN SENATE MINORITY LEADER 55 00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:45,358 MITCH McCONNELL VOTED IN FAVOR OF THE LEGISLATION. 56 00:03:45,425 --> 00:03:47,493 MAKES SENSE. 57 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:52,599 I MEAN TROLLS LOVE BRIDGES. 58 00:03:52,665 --> 00:03:55,101 LOOKED GOOD, HE LOOKS REALLY GOOD. 59 00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:58,371 >> Jon: COME ON G.O.P. SENATORS SAY THIS VOTE 60 00:03:58,438 --> 00:04:02,775 PROVES THAT THE SENATE WORKS, AND THERE'S NO NEED FOR 61 00:04:02,842 --> 00:04:06,446 DEMOCRATS TO CONSIDER GETTING RID OF THE FILIBUSTER. 62 00:04:06,512 --> 00:04:09,349 TAKE WEST VIRGINIA SENATOR SHELLEY MOORE CAPITO, SEEN HERE, 63 00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:11,084 WONDERING WHERE HER GLASSES ARE. 64 00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:15,021 AFTER STRIKING THE DEAL, CAPITO EXPLAINED, "WHAT YOU SEE IS WHEN 65 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:18,992 WE WORK TOGETHER AND REALLY PUT THE NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE, WE 66 00:04:19,058 --> 00:04:21,361 CAN GET BIPARTISAN SUPPORT TO MOVE FORWARD." 67 00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:25,565 YES, THEY CAN WORK TOGETHER WHEN REPUBLICANS GO TO THE SENATE AND 68 00:04:25,632 --> 00:04:27,500 PUT THE NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE, INSTEAD OF GOING TO MAR-A-LAGO 69 00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:38,711 AND PUTTING THE NOSE TO THE HIND HOLE. 70 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:41,881 (APPLAUSE) CAPITO CONTINUED, "SO I THINK IT 71 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:47,053 BLUNTS THE ARGUMENT ON THE FILIBUSTER." 72 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,988 NOT NECESSARILY. 73 00:04:49,055 --> 00:04:51,024 THIS ISN'T SOME HUGE ACHIEVEMENT. 74 00:04:51,090 --> 00:04:51,791 IT'S THE BARE MINIMUM WE EXPECT. 75 00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:54,627 SENATES ALWAYS PASS THE ROAD BILL. 76 00:04:54,694 --> 00:04:57,163 INFRASTRUCTURE SPENDING IS A GREAT AMERICAN TRADITION THAT 77 00:04:57,230 --> 00:05:03,069 GOES ALL THE WAY BACK TO WHEN WASHINGTON PAVED THE DELAWARE. 78 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:07,073 THE BILL WOULD ALSO INVEST $66 BILLION IN PASSENGER AND 79 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,108 FREIGHT RAIL. 80 00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:09,542 WELL, THERE YOU GO. 81 00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:10,677 TRAINS. 82 00:05:10,743 --> 00:05:12,745 THAT'S PRESIDENT BIDEN'S PASSION. 83 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:15,048 IT REMINDS ME OF WHEN REAGAN HONORED NATIONAL JELLYBEAN DAY 84 00:05:15,114 --> 00:05:24,691 OR WHEN BILL CLINTON STARTED THE WHITE HOUSE INTERN PROGRAM. 85 00:05:24,757 --> 00:05:26,659 THE NEW-- THERE YOU GO. 86 00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:29,929 20 YEARS, IS THAT A 20 YEAR OLD JOKE, A 20 YEAR OLD JOKE, THERE 87 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,365 YOU GO. 88 00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:34,801 AGE AGED BEAUTIFULLY. 89 00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:36,769 THE NEW TRAIN MONEY WOULD ELIMINATE AMTRAK'S MAINTENANCE 90 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:39,072 BACKLOG AND MODERNIZE THE NORTHEAST CORRIDOR LINE. 91 00:05:39,138 --> 00:05:43,042 SO, NORTHEAST COMMUTERS WILL HAVE BEAUTIFUL NEW SEATS FOR 92 00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:45,411 RANGERS FANS TO PUKE ON. 93 00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:47,046 THE BILL ALSO HAS MONEY TO IMPROVE AMERICANS' ACCESS TO 94 00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:49,582 BROADBAND. 95 00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:54,320 BUT THE BILL HASN'T PASSED THE HOUSE YET, SO YOU'RE GOING WANT 96 00:05:54,387 --> 00:05:57,390 TO BE HOME BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 8:00 A.M. AND 2024. 97 00:05:57,457 --> 00:06:02,228 THERE'S ALSO FUNDING FOR ELECTRIC SCHOOL BUSES. 98 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:07,066 AND TO MAKE IT EXTRA ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY, THE 99 00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:09,869 BULLIES WILL SHOOT SPIT BALLS AT YOU WITH PAPER STRAWS, AND THE 100 00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:15,041 WEDGIES WILL BE GLUTEN-FREE. 101 00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:19,045 TODAY, THE SENATE ALSO PASSED A $3.5 TRILLION BUDGET PLAN, 102 00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:21,380 WHICH WOULD EXPAND HEALTH CARE, PROVIDE FREE PRESCHOOL AND 103 00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:31,057 COMMUNITY COLLEGE, AND FUND CLIMATE CHANGE PROGRAMS. 104 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:35,061 (APPLAUSE) SOUNDS GOOD, EXCEPT THE PART 105 00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,797 ABOUT FUNDING CLIMATE CHANGE. 106 00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:39,065 PERSONALLY I THINK WE SHOULD FIGHT IT, BUT WE ALL HAVE TO 107 00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:42,568 COMPROMISE. 108 00:06:42,635 --> 00:06:46,005 THE PLAN WAS PASSED AFTER A SERIES OF RAPID-FIRE VOTES KNOWN 109 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:50,409 AS A VOTE-A-RAMA THAT LASTED MORE THAN 14 HOURS. 110 00:06:50,476 --> 00:06:53,980 IN FACT, SENATORS EVEN HAD EXTRA PADDING ON THEIR CHAIRS TO MAKE 111 00:06:54,046 --> 00:06:55,248 THE ORDEAL MORE COMFORTABLE. 112 00:06:55,314 --> 00:06:57,383 AND THE CHAIRS WERE PADDED WITH ONLY THE SOFTEST MATERIAL, LIKE 113 00:06:57,450 --> 00:07:06,759 COTTON, GOOSE DOWN, OR TED CRUZ'S SPINE. 114 00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:12,398 PLAWS PLAWTION, TED CRUZ FANSK TED CRUZ FANS HERE TONIGHT. 115 00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:14,400 NOT EVERYONE WAS HAPPY ABOUT THE BUDGET PLAN, LIKE SOUTH CAROLINA 116 00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:16,369 SENATOR LINDSEY GRAHAM, SEEN HERE ENJOYING THE PEANUT BUTTER 117 00:07:16,435 --> 00:07:27,046 HIS HANDLERS PUT ON THE ROOF OF HIS MOUTH. 118 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:31,050 GRAHAM WAS UNHAPPY WITH THE PRICE TAG. 119 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,652 >> THIS IS THE MOST INFLATIONARY IDEA I'VE EVER SEEN. 120 00:07:32,718 --> 00:07:34,420 YOU'RE SPENDING MONEY LIKE DRUNKEN SAILORS. 121 00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:35,054 >> Stephen: YES. 122 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:39,058 LIKE DRUNKEN SAILORS. 123 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:41,561 WE ALL KNOW EVERY FLEET WEEK, THE NAVY COMES 124 00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:43,062 TO TOWN AND ALL THE SAILORS MARAUD ACROSS MANHATTAN FUNDING 125 00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:47,066 UNIVERSAL PRE-K. 126 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:51,070 WE NEED HEALTHCARE, BECAUSE WE'RE FACING A HUGE COVID SURGE. 127 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:55,608 AND THAT'S FORCING MANY ARTISTS TO CANCEL CONCERTS, INCLUDING 128 00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:59,045 UPCOMING SHOWS BY MICHAEL BUBLÉE COUNTING CROWS, AND LIMP BIZKIT. 129 00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:03,049 BY THE WAY, A LIMP BIZKIT IS ALSO ONE OF THE SYMPTOMS OF LONG 130 00:08:03,115 --> 00:08:07,820 COVID. 131 00:08:07,887 --> 00:08:13,559 SAD, VERY, VERY SAD. 132 00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:15,061 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE). 133 00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:16,596 >> Stephen: REALLY-- THERE YOU GO. 134 00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:19,065 BUT PERHAPS THE MOST UPSETTING MUSICAL CASUALTY OF THE DELTA 135 00:08:19,131 --> 00:08:22,568 VARIANT IS THAT STEVIE NICKS HAS CANCELLED HER CONCERTS FOR 2021, 136 00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:26,105 CITING HER FEAR OF CATCHING COVID. 137 00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:27,073 NO! 138 00:08:27,139 --> 00:08:31,043 NOW YOU'VE DONE IT, AMERICA. 139 00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:35,047 THANKS TO THE "LANDSLIDE" OF CASES, STEVIE CAN PERFORM ONLY 140 00:08:35,114 --> 00:08:37,717 IN OUR "DREAMS." 141 00:08:37,783 --> 00:08:39,051 PLEASE, "DON'T STOP" GETTING VACCINATED. 142 00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:45,391 BECAUSE I'M "NEVER GOING BACK AGAIN" TO THE STORAGE CLOSET. 143 00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:51,063 "RHIANNON." 144 00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:53,199 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) TOTALLY WORTH IT. 145 00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:53,833 TOTALLY WORTH IT. 146 00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:57,403 >> Jon: DEFINITELY WORTH IT. 147 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,071 >> Stephen: OF COURSE, A BIG REASON PEOPLE 148 00:08:59,138 --> 00:09:01,574 ARE REFUSING TO GET THEIR SHOTS IS ALL THE FAKE NEWS ABOUT 149 00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:03,042 VACCINES THEY CAN READ ON THE INTERNET. 150 00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:06,445 AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN MY BRAND NEW, 151 00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:11,083 CONSPIRACY-RIDDEN SEGMENT: "DISINFORMATION STATION." 152 00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:19,425 >> THE VACCINE MADE MY PENIS MAGNETIC! 153 00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:23,362 DIDN'T LEAR EVERYTHING HE JUST SAID THERE BUT IT DID NOT SOUND 154 00:09:23,429 --> 00:09:24,530 GOOD. 155 00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:25,865 >> Stephen: FIRST UP IN THE KOO-KOO CHOO-CHOO, THIS WEEK, 156 00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:27,600 FACEBOOK BANNED A RUSSIAN DISINFORMATION NETWORK THAT 157 00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:31,070 CLAIMED CORONAVIRUS VACCINES TURN PEOPLE INTO CHIMPANZEES. 158 00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:35,074 WAIT A SECOND. 159 00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:37,376 WAIT A SECOND! 160 00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:38,411 I'M VACCINATED. 161 00:09:38,477 --> 00:09:39,545 AM I TURNING INTO A CHIMP? 162 00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:40,079 IT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY I LIKE TO RIDE A TRICYCLE WEARING A 163 00:09:40,146 --> 00:09:43,082 TINY HAT. 164 00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:45,584 NEXT UP, A RECENT "NEW YORK TIMES" ARTICLE FEATURED A WOMAN 165 00:09:45,651 --> 00:09:49,922 WHO SAID SHE WAS CONCERNED BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT A VACCINE 166 00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:51,691 HAD CAUSED THE CHARACTERS IN THE FILM "I AM LEGEND" TO TURN INTO 167 00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:55,061 ZOMBIES. 168 00:09:55,127 --> 00:09:57,396 SHE REFUSED THE SHOT BECAUSE IT WAS A PLOT POINT IN A ZOMBIE 169 00:09:57,463 --> 00:09:59,065 MOVIE? 170 00:09:59,131 --> 00:10:02,335 WELL, I DON'T THINK SHE HAS ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT BECAUSE 171 00:10:02,401 --> 00:10:11,110 SHE CLEARLY DOESN'T HAVE ANY BRAAAAIIIIIIINS. 172 00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:17,149 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) PLUS, SHE'S WRONG. 173 00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:19,051 WHAT HAPPENS IN "I AM LEGEND" IS, AN ATTEMPT TO ENGINEER THE 174 00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:25,224 MEASLES VIRUS INTO A CANCER CURE GOES AWRY, INFECTING MOST OF 175 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,560 HUMANITY AND TURNING PEOPLE INTO ZOMBIE/VAMPIRE HYBRIDS. 176 00:10:27,626 --> 00:10:33,599 VACCINES DO NOT FACTOR INTO THE PLOT. 177 00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:37,803 DO KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? 178 00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:39,071 "I AM LEGEND" HAS A PLOT. 179 00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:43,075 I HAD NO IDEA. 180 00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:47,046 I THOUGHT IT WAS THE STORY OF WILL SMITH WANTING A SECOND LAKE 181 00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:49,548 HOUSE. 182 00:10:49,615 --> 00:10:51,050 VACCINE MISINFORMATION ISN'T THE ONLY SET OF FALSEHOODS OUT 183 00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:52,852 THERE. 184 00:10:52,918 --> 00:10:55,054 FOLKS STILL BELIEVE THE BIG LIE THAT THE 2020 ELECTION WAS 185 00:10:55,121 --> 00:10:59,058 STOLEN, THANKS TO CONSERVATIVE NEWS OUTLETS LIKE OAN. 186 00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:04,864 BUT NOW OAN FACES A BILLION-DOLLAR LAWSUIT THAT 187 00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:07,066 ALLEGES OAN KNOWINGLY REPORTED DEFAMATORY CLAIMS AGAINST 188 00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:11,103 DOMINION VOTING SYSTEMS, INCLUDING BY ONE "EXPERT 189 00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:12,738 MATHEMATICIAN" NAMED ED SOLOMON. 190 00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:16,876 HERE HE IS: >> YOU CAN USE THE BINOMIAL 191 00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:21,113 PROBABILITY FORMULA, AND THE CHANCE OF THAT EVENT HAPPENING 192 00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:23,049 IS 1/10 TO AN EXPONENT SO LARGE THERE'S NOT ENOUGH STARS IN THE 193 00:11:23,115 --> 00:11:25,951 UNIVERSE-- THERE'S NOT ENOUGH ATOMS IN THE UNIVERSE TO EXPLAIN 194 00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:27,053 THE NUMBER. 195 00:11:27,119 --> 00:11:29,221 >> Stephen: WOW! 196 00:11:29,288 --> 00:11:31,057 BINOMIAL, PROBABILITY, STARS IN THE UNIVERSE? 197 00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:33,092 SOUNDS PRETTY IMPRESSIVE. 198 00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:34,627 UNTIL YOU CRUNCH THE BINOMIALS ON THAT GUY, AND FIND OUT 199 00:11:34,693 --> 00:11:38,764 SOLOMON'S NOT ACTUALLY A MATHEMATICIAN. 200 00:11:38,831 --> 00:11:43,069 HE'S SOME DUDE WITH NO COLLEGE DEGREE WHO INSTALLS SWING SETS. 201 00:11:43,135 --> 00:11:51,243 SO, CLEARLY NOT AN EXPERT ON ELECTION FRAUD. 202 00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:55,748 HE HASN'T EVEN INVENTED ONE PILLOW! 203 00:11:55,815 --> 00:11:57,383 BUT SOLOMON DOES HAVE SOME EXPERIENCE WITH THE LAW, 204 00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:00,886 BECAUSE HE'S ALSO A CONVICTED DRUG DEALER. 205 00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:03,489 I WONDER IF HIS SWING-SET CLIENTS KNOW THAT. 206 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,825 (AS PARENT) "HONEY, THE GUY'S DONE 207 00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:09,929 INSTALLING THE MONKEY BARS, BUT HE SAYS HE'S GOT SOMETHING TO 208 00:12:09,995 --> 00:12:13,365 MAKE IT FUN FOR GROWN-UPS, TOO. 209 00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:17,336 IT'S COCAINE!" THIS JUST SHOWS HOW EFFECTIVE IT 210 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:21,340 IS WHEN PROPAGANDISTS USE THE AGE-OLD TRICK OF "GUY WITH 211 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,676 GLASSES SAYING MATH WORDS." 212 00:12:23,742 --> 00:12:25,344 ANYONE CAN DO IT. 213 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:29,648 OKAY, FIRST YOU INVERT THE BINOMIAL PROBABILITY FORMULA TO 214 00:12:29,715 --> 00:12:32,551 MODULATE THE ANGLE DISTRIBUTION, WHICH, OF COURSE, IS A 215 00:12:32,618 --> 00:12:35,654 DERIVATIVE OF THE QUADRATIC INTEGERS. 216 00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:40,459 THEN YOU DIVIDE THE SLOPE INTERCEPT, PLUS OR MINUS ONE 217 00:12:40,526 --> 00:12:41,760 UNSEQUENCED FIBONACCI, FACTORING THE PYTHAGOREAN THEOREM OF YOUR 218 00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:45,331 CALCULUS, AND BOOM. 219 00:12:45,397 --> 00:12:47,666 YOU GOT YOURSELF A TIRE SWING. 220 00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:51,203 NOW, WHO WANTS DRUGS? 221 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,672 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 222 00:12:53,739 --> 00:12:55,708 MY GUEST IS ALAN ALDA. 223 00:12:55,774 --> 00:12:57,309 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, THERE'S A MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH IN DUMB 224 00:12:57,376 --> 00:12:58,377 RESPONSES TO COVID. 225 00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:37,850 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 226 00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:42,621 GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 227 00:13:42,688 --> 00:13:47,193 THE LATE NIGHT BAND. 228 00:13:47,259 --> 00:13:52,665 YOU KNOW, FOLKS, AMERICA IS STILL STRUGGLING WITH 229 00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:54,833 THIS PANDEMIC, BUT THERE IS A GLIMMER OF HOPE... 230 00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:56,068 IF YOU'RE WEALTHY. 231 00:13:56,135 --> 00:14:00,139 BECAUSE "WELLNESS RESORTS ARE EYEING LONG COVID TREATMENTS AS 232 00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:01,340 A NEW MONEYMAKER." 233 00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:05,010 ONE SPA IN THAILAND IS OFFERING TO CAKE A PASTE OF TURMERIC, 234 00:14:05,077 --> 00:14:07,580 GALANGAL, AND KAFFIR LIME ON YOUR CHEST, COVER IT WITH AN 235 00:14:07,646 --> 00:14:13,018 ALCOHOL-DOUSED TOWEL, AND SET IT ALL ON FIRE, FOR THE LOW, LOW 236 00:14:13,085 --> 00:14:15,521 PRICE OF $3,500. 237 00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:17,923 THE TREATMENT IS AN ANCIENT DETOXIFICATION RITUAL, AND THE 238 00:14:17,990 --> 00:14:22,795 PRICE IS A MODERN WALLET CLEANSE. 239 00:14:22,861 --> 00:14:26,799 YOU'RE GUARANTEED TO FEEL GREAT ONCE YOUR EYEBROWS GROW BACK. 240 00:14:26,865 --> 00:14:29,168 THAT SAME SPA ALSO OFFERS A PROGRAM WHERE PATIENTS INHALE 241 00:14:29,235 --> 00:14:33,005 CONCENTRATED OXYGEN IN A HYPERBARIC CHAMBER, PRACTICE 242 00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:36,976 CHEST MUSCLE-STRENGTHENING EXERCISES IN AN OLYMPIC-GRADE 243 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:45,017 MEDICAL GYM, AND TAKE INTRAVENOUS BLOOD OZONE 244 00:14:45,084 --> 00:14:49,021 TRANSFUSIONS MORE COMMONLY KNOWN AS INJECTING AIR INTO YOUR 245 00:14:49,088 --> 00:14:50,656 VEINS. 246 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:51,924 BECAUSE NOTHING TAKES YOUR MIND OFF YOUR LONG-HAUL COVID LIKE AN 247 00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:53,058 EMBOLISM. 248 00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:54,159 AND THE ULTRA-WEALTHY ARE NOW SKIPPING THE WAIT TO SEE A 249 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:55,594 PHYSICIAN BY RETAINING CONCIERGE DOCTORS, WHICH IS LIKE 250 00:14:55,661 --> 00:15:01,033 A REGULAR DOCTOR, BUT HE CAN ALSO BOOK YOU BROADWAY TICKETS. 251 00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:05,037 A CONCIERGE DOCTOR CAN RUN UP TO "$40,000 A YEAR, WITH SOME EVEN 252 00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:07,840 ACCEPTING THAT PAYMENT IN CRYPTOCURRENCY"-- AS ALL THE 253 00:15:07,906 --> 00:15:13,012 MOST TRUSTWORTHY DOCTORS DO. 254 00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:14,546 ALSO, PLEASE REFER TO THEM ONLY AS "THE CROW," AND AFTER YOUR 255 00:15:14,613 --> 00:15:17,016 EXAM, HE'LL WRITE YOU A PRESCRIPTION FOR A 256 00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:19,351 SURFACE-TO-AIR MISSILE. 257 00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:24,156 OF COURSE, ALL THESE COVID-PPORTUNISTS ARE JUST 258 00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:27,293 EMULATING THE QUEEN OF LUXURY HEALTH STYLE BRANDS, GOOP MAVEN, 259 00:15:27,359 --> 00:15:29,028 AND WOMAN WHO WILL NEVER BE HIRED TO DO THE KROGER'S 260 00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:35,301 VALENTINE'S DISPLAY AGAIN, GWYNETH PALTROW. 261 00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:37,002 BUT GWYNETH ISN'T THE ONLY CELEBRITY IN THE 262 00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:41,006 PSEUDO-WELLNESS-HOLISTIC-LIFESTY LE BRAND SPACE. 263 00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:43,375 I ALSO HAVE A LUXURY PRODUCT LINE, AND DADDY WANTS HIS SLICE 264 00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:47,212 OF THE ARTISANAL VENTILATOR. 265 00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:49,648 WHICH IS WHY MY OWN HIGH-END LIFESTYLE BRAND, COVETTON HOUSE, 266 00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:53,018 IS PROUD TO INTRODUCE ITS OWN HEALTHCARE COLLECTION: 267 00:15:53,085 --> 00:15:57,022 COVETTON MED. 268 00:15:57,089 --> 00:16:01,026 >> BAROQUE SIMPLICITY. 269 00:16:01,093 --> 00:16:04,596 SHABBY ELEGANCE. 270 00:16:04,663 --> 00:16:05,030 GIVE ME MONEY. 271 00:16:05,097 --> 00:16:07,099 COVETTON HOUSE. 272 00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:23,849 >> Stephen: WELCOME TO COVETTON MED, WHERE WE KNOW YOUR HEALTH 273 00:16:23,916 --> 00:16:27,853 IS ALMOST AS IMPORTANT TO YOU AS YOUR MONEY IS TO US. 274 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,857 HAS LONG COVID LEFT YOU WITH ENGORGED WALLET? 275 00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:34,226 THEN YOU MUST VISIT OUR NEW WELLNESS SPA, WHICH OFFERS A 276 00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:38,130 TRADITIONAL ROTISSERIE DETOXIFICATION RITUAL. 277 00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:40,199 OUR THERAPISTS WILL LIGHTLY SEASON YOU IN SALT, PEPPER, 278 00:16:40,265 --> 00:16:43,869 SMOKEY PAPRIKA, AND A LITTLE EXTRA VIRGIN OLIVE OIL, THEN 279 00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:46,205 TOSS YOU IN A ZIPLOC BAG TO MARINATE ALL YOUR PARTS, THEN 280 00:16:46,271 --> 00:16:51,777 ROAST YOU AT 450 DEGREES FOR ABOUT 30 MINUTES, DEPENDING ON 281 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:52,478 YOUR THICKNESS. 282 00:16:52,544 --> 00:16:54,680 WILL YOU STILL HAVE LONG COVID? 283 00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:55,848 YES. 284 00:16:55,914 --> 00:16:58,217 IS THIS JUST MY AUNT'S RECIPE FOR OVEN-ROASTED CHICKEN? 285 00:16:58,283 --> 00:16:59,852 ALSO YES. 286 00:16:59,918 --> 00:17:03,622 THE TREATMENT IS $4,500. 287 00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:04,757 WHICH SOUNDS LIKE A LOT, BUT KEEP IN MIND: YOU COME WITH 288 00:17:04,823 --> 00:17:10,229 FRIES. 289 00:17:10,295 --> 00:17:14,099 NEXT, TAKE A DIP IN COVETTON MED'S SIGNATURE FULL-BODY BLOOD 290 00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:15,033 REPLACEMENT. 291 00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:18,504 WE'LL PUMP YOU FULL OF WHATEVER YOU DECIDE. 292 00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:19,772 WANT THOSE VEINS TO RUN WITH CHAMPAGNE? 293 00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:20,105 YOU GOT IT. 294 00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:21,940 GAZPACHO? 295 00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:22,574 REFRESHING. 296 00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:23,876 EVER HEARD OF CAVIAR BLOOD? 297 00:17:23,942 --> 00:17:24,777 NO? 298 00:17:24,843 --> 00:17:28,013 THAT'S BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T SURVIVE. 299 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,850 BUT SHE DID SIGN THE RELEASE. 300 00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:33,919 $42,000. 301 00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:36,922 KAL TODAY BECAUSE WHEN IT COMES TO COVETTON MED 9 OUT OF 10 302 00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,491 DOCTORS AGREE, NOT ON THIS BUT ON SOMETHING SURELY. 303 00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:41,560 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ALAN ALDA. 304 00:18:08,954 --> 00:18:09,888 ♪ >> Stephen: HEY. 305 00:18:09,955 --> 00:18:11,890 WELCOME BACK. 306 00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:16,895 YOU'RE ALL RIGHT. 307 00:18:16,962 --> 00:18:19,898 >> Jon: GOT TO FEEL ALL RIGHT. 308 00:18:19,965 --> 00:18:22,634 >> Stephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 309 00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:25,838 MY FIRST GUEST IS A WRITER, PODCAST HOST, AND ICON OF STAGE 310 00:18:25,904 --> 00:18:27,172 AND SCREEN. 311 00:18:27,239 --> 00:18:37,549 PLEASE WELCOME THE GREAT ALAN ALDA! 312 00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:49,561 (APPLAUSE). 313 00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:59,605 ♪ SCIENCE -- IT'S VERY NICE, WELL, WE KNOW YOU AS AN 314 00:18:59,671 --> 00:19:05,878 ♪ SCIENCE -- IT'S VERY NICE, WELL, WE KNOW YOU AS AN 315 00:19:05,944 --> 00:19:10,382 AWARD-WINNING ACTOR, WRITER, DIRECTOR BUT YOU'VE ADDED WITH 316 00:19:10,449 --> 00:19:13,986 THE PODCAST A NEW TITLE, THAT IS INTERVIEWER. 317 00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:14,820 >> YEAH. 318 00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,355 >> Stephen: NOT SO EASY, IS IT, BUDDY? 319 00:19:16,421 --> 00:19:19,224 >> NO, I LOVE IT. 320 00:19:19,291 --> 00:19:21,727 THE I TALK TO THE MOST INTERESTING PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. 321 00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:25,364 >> Stephen: YOU TALK TO ALAN ALDA? 322 00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:27,766 >> I FREQUENTLY DO, AS A MATTER OF FACT, YEAH. 323 00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:32,371 >> Stephen: I LOVE ONE OF THE QUESTIONS YOU ASKED YOUR GUESTS 324 00:19:32,437 --> 00:19:35,507 ARE, AND THE PODCAST IS CALLED CLEAR AND VIVID. 325 00:19:35,574 --> 00:19:37,809 >> YEAH, CLEAR AND VIFER I HAD BECAUSE IT IS ABOUT 326 00:19:37,876 --> 00:19:41,079 COMMUNICATING AND RELATING, SO IN ALL FIELDS, ALL AREAS OF 327 00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:49,788 LIFELIKE MUSIC, WE HAVE YO-YO MA AND ITZAK PEARLMAN, TOM HANKS, 328 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:53,091 EVERY PART OF LIFE REQUIRES GOOD COMMUNICATION. 329 00:19:53,158 --> 00:19:59,431 SO WE HAVE A FORMER CHIEF HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR FOR THE FBI, 330 00:19:59,498 --> 00:20:02,568 AND HE SAID HIS TECHNIQUES FOR NEGOTIATING THE RELEASE OF A 331 00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:11,777 HOSS TAJ ARE VERY USEFUL IN A MARRIAGE. 332 00:20:11,843 --> 00:20:15,981 (LAUGHTER). 333 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:19,217 >> Stephen: WHICH IS GIVE THEM EVERYTHING THEY WANT AND TRY TO 334 00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:22,254 STOP THEM BEFORE THEY GET TO THE PLANE? 335 00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:24,356 WHY DID YOU WANT TO DO A PODCAST. 336 00:20:24,423 --> 00:20:25,791 I KNOW IT IS THE HIP YOUNG THING. 337 00:20:25,857 --> 00:20:33,298 >> THE REASON I DO THE PODCAST IS THAT IT'S FUN. 338 00:20:33,365 --> 00:20:34,399 (APPLAUSE). 339 00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:36,868 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE TWO, RIGHT, SO THERE IS CLEAR AND 340 00:20:36,935 --> 00:20:38,036 VIVID. 341 00:20:38,103 --> 00:20:41,873 >> THE OTHER ONE IS SCIENCE CLEAR AND VIFD, WE ARE DOING A 342 00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:49,181 SERIES OF WOMEN SCIENTISTS, IT'S REALLY FASCINATING. 343 00:20:49,247 --> 00:20:51,583 >> Stephen: CERTAINLY ALL SCIENCE SHOULD BE CLEAR AND 344 00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:52,084 VIFD. 345 00:20:52,150 --> 00:20:54,152 >> THAT IS THE IDEA. 346 00:20:54,219 --> 00:20:57,689 I MEAN SCIENTISTS NEED TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK SPEAK TO THE 347 00:20:57,756 --> 00:21:01,360 PUBLIC AND EXPLAIN WHAT THEY DO SO WE UNDERSTAND IT SO WE CAN 348 00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:03,762 MAKE DECISIONS DECISIONS ABOUT W FUND AND WHAT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT 349 00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:04,997 AND THAT KIND OF THING. 350 00:21:05,063 --> 00:21:11,770 BUT THEY ALSO HAVE TO BE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH ONE ANOTHER. 351 00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:18,310 AND FOR INSTANCE ONE OF OUR, I'M SO PROUD, THE CENTER FOR 352 00:21:18,377 --> 00:21:21,980 COMMUNICATING SCIENCE WHICH I HELPED START AT STONNEEBROOK 353 00:21:22,047 --> 00:21:28,320 UNIVERSITY TEACHES COMMUNICATION TO SCIENTISTS AND DOCTORS, 354 00:21:28,387 --> 00:21:29,521 NURSES. 355 00:21:29,588 --> 00:21:33,825 IT'S IMPORTANT, COMMUNICATION IS SO IMPORTANT IN THE DOCTOR'S 356 00:21:33,892 --> 00:21:37,396 RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PATIENT. 357 00:21:37,462 --> 00:21:39,765 I HAD THE BEST EXPERIENCE WITH A DOCTOR. 358 00:21:39,831 --> 00:21:43,535 I WAS IN CHILE INTERVIEWING THIS CLIMBER THAT WAS ON TOP OF A 359 00:21:43,602 --> 00:21:48,206 MOUNTAIN AND I GOT A WRENCHED GUT. 360 00:21:48,273 --> 00:21:51,777 MY GUT GOT ALL CAUGHT UP AND WAS LOSING BLOOD SUPPLY. 361 00:21:51,843 --> 00:21:54,212 WITHIN ABOUT TWO HOURS I WAS GOING TO BE DEAD. 362 00:21:54,279 --> 00:21:58,050 SO THEY TOOK ME DOWN THE MOUNTAIN TO THIS LITTLE 363 00:21:58,116 --> 00:21:59,217 HOSPITAL. 364 00:21:59,284 --> 00:22:00,118 IN THIS SMALL TOWN. 365 00:22:00,185 --> 00:22:02,120 AND THERE WAS THIS BRILLIANT SURGEON THERE. 366 00:22:02,187 --> 00:22:05,057 AND HE COMMUNICATED TO ME SO BEAUTIFULLY. 367 00:22:05,123 --> 00:22:06,391 HE SAID HERE IS WHAT IS HAPPENING. 368 00:22:06,458 --> 00:22:10,729 SOME OF YOUR INTESTINE HAS GONE BAD AND WE HAVE TO CUT OUT THE 369 00:22:10,796 --> 00:22:14,099 BAD PART AND SEW THE TWO GOOD ENDS TOGETHER. 370 00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:23,775 AND I SAID OH YOU'RE GOING TO DO AN END-TO-END ANASTOMOSIS. 371 00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:30,182 (APPLAUSE) HE SAID HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT. 372 00:22:30,248 --> 00:22:37,989 I SAID OH, I DID MANY OF THEM ON "MASH." 373 00:22:38,056 --> 00:22:40,792 >> Stephen: ONE OF THE GREATEST SHOWS OF ALL TIME. 374 00:22:40,859 --> 00:22:43,195 I KNOW ITS THAT BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE YOU DID IT BUT WHAT ARE 375 00:22:43,261 --> 00:22:45,464 YOUR FONDEST MEMORIES OF DOING THAT SHOW. 376 00:22:45,530 --> 00:22:47,766 >> IT'S BEEN 50 YEARS. 377 00:22:47,833 --> 00:22:50,102 I DON'T HAVE ANY. 378 00:22:50,168 --> 00:22:51,837 >> Stephen: WIPED CLEAN. 379 00:22:51,903 --> 00:22:53,038 >> NO, I'M JUST KIDDING AROUND. 380 00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:58,076 WE DO LOVE EACH OTHER, THOSE OF US WHO ARE LEFT. 381 00:22:58,143 --> 00:23:01,580 AND WE GET TOGETHER AS MUCH AS WE CAN. 382 00:23:01,646 --> 00:23:06,218 I TRY TO VISIT CALIFORNIA ONCE A YEAR MAINLY TO SEE THOSE PEOPLE. 383 00:23:06,284 --> 00:23:08,186 >> Stephen: WOW. 384 00:23:08,253 --> 00:23:11,189 LEAST FOND MEMORY OF DOING THE SHOW FOR 11 YEARS. 385 00:23:11,256 --> 00:23:14,192 BECAUSE THAT IS ONE OF THE GREATEST T STRRKS RECORDS OF ALL 386 00:23:14,259 --> 00:23:15,360 TIME. 387 00:23:15,427 --> 00:23:22,868 >> I DON'T-- YOU KNOW, WE WENT INTO THIS CAVE OF THE SOUND 388 00:23:22,934 --> 00:23:26,872 STAGE BEFORE DAWN AND WE LEFT IN THE DARK AT THE END OF THE DAY 389 00:23:26,938 --> 00:23:31,309 AND WE SPENT 11 YEARS JUST WITH RUN ANOTHER. 390 00:23:31,376 --> 00:23:34,946 SO IT IS LIKE SAYING WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEMORY OF YOUR 391 00:23:35,013 --> 00:23:35,647 FAMILY. 392 00:23:35,714 --> 00:23:37,616 YOU HEAR THAT FAMILY WORD A LOT. 393 00:23:37,682 --> 00:23:39,918 WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MEMORY. 394 00:23:39,985 --> 00:23:43,221 OH YEAH, I DID GET SPANKED A LOT. 395 00:23:43,288 --> 00:23:45,757 >> Stephen: THE WHOLE THING ABOUT GOING INTO THE CAVE AND 396 00:23:45,824 --> 00:23:49,628 BEING THERE ALL DAY, THAT IS A BIG PART OF BEING A PERFORMER 397 00:23:49,694 --> 00:23:52,864 THAT PEOPLE DON'T NECESSARILY KNOW WHO AREN'T IN SHOWBIZ. 398 00:23:52,931 --> 00:23:58,069 WE BOTH WERE AT DIFFERENT TIMES MEMBERS OF THE SECOND CITY 399 00:23:58,136 --> 00:24:02,374 FAMILY IN CHICAGO. 400 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:05,710 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> HALF THE AUDIENCE IS FROM 401 00:24:05,777 --> 00:24:06,344 CHICAGO. 402 00:24:06,411 --> 00:24:08,013 >> Stephen: WE SHIP THEM IN. 403 00:24:08,079 --> 00:24:13,585 THERE WAS A DIRECTOR AND TEACHER THERE NAMED JOSEPHINE FORCEBERG 404 00:24:13,652 --> 00:24:17,856 WHO SAID FOR PEOPLE FAMOUS IN MY GENERATION, SHE SAID TO A YOUNG 405 00:24:17,923 --> 00:24:20,192 ACTOR SO YOU WANT TO DO THIS FOR A LIVING. 406 00:24:20,258 --> 00:24:23,762 AND HE GOES YES, YES, I REALLY DOSM AND SHE SAID BE PREPARED TO 407 00:24:23,829 --> 00:24:29,401 SPEND MANY BEAUTIFUL DAYS IN DARK, DIRTY ROOMS. 408 00:24:29,467 --> 00:24:30,202 SNS. 409 00:24:30,268 --> 00:24:31,336 >> ISN'T THAT INTERESTING. 410 00:24:31,403 --> 00:24:35,774 THEATERS ARE SO, THEY HAVE A SPECIAL SMELL FROM THE DIRT. 411 00:24:35,841 --> 00:24:38,243 >> Stephen: YES, CABARET THEATERS EVEN MORE BECAUSE OF 412 00:24:38,310 --> 00:24:43,682 ALL THE BEER SOAKED INTO THAT. 413 00:24:43,748 --> 00:24:44,583 UNBELIEVABLY FILTHY. 414 00:24:44,649 --> 00:24:48,220 >> I ACTUALLY LOVE THAT SMELL OF BACKSTAGE. 415 00:24:48,286 --> 00:24:50,722 WELL, I LOVE THE SMELL OF BEER, ACTUALLY. 416 00:24:50,789 --> 00:24:55,460 >> Stephen: WELL, WHAT DID YOU TAKE FROM THAT, DOING IMPROVE 417 00:24:55,527 --> 00:24:56,761 SPHWHRAITION CERTAINLY SHAPED WHO MI AS A PERFORMER. 418 00:24:56,828 --> 00:25:01,066 >> IT COMPLETELY CHANGED ME AND I THINK IT HAS CHANGED EVERY 419 00:25:01,132 --> 00:25:05,837 ACTOR WHO HAS DONE IT FOR SOME PERIOD OF TIME. 420 00:25:05,904 --> 00:25:13,178 BECAUSE YOU GET-- DID YOU EVER DO THE VIOLA PROIM VIEZING. 421 00:25:13,245 --> 00:25:17,115 >> HI IMIMPROVIZATION BY BIOLA WITH THE EXERCISES INSIDE, YES. 422 00:25:17,182 --> 00:25:21,920 >> THE THING IS YOU GET, THE BASIS OF IT IS CONNECTION WITH 423 00:25:21,987 --> 00:25:25,924 THE OTHER PERSON, THAT IS WHY WHEN WE TRAIN SCIENTISTS TO 424 00:25:25,991 --> 00:25:31,162 COMMUNICATE BETTER, WE START WITH AN IMPROVIZATION EXERCISE. 425 00:25:31,229 --> 00:25:32,264 >> Stephen: DO THE IMPROV. 426 00:25:32,330 --> 00:25:34,833 >> YES, SOME BASIC EXPERIENCES BECAUSE YOU CAN'T REALLY 427 00:25:34,900 --> 00:25:37,836 COMMUNICATE WITH SOMEBODY UNLESS YOU LET THEM INTO YOUR FIELD OF 428 00:25:37,903 --> 00:25:39,104 VISION, YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS. 429 00:25:39,170 --> 00:25:43,942 AND IF YOU DO THAT, YOU KNOW IF THEY ARE FOLLOWING YOU, IF THEY 430 00:25:44,009 --> 00:25:47,045 ARE SIM PATHETIC TO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING OR IF THEY ARE IN LEFT 431 00:25:47,112 --> 00:25:47,812 FIELD SOMEWHERE. 432 00:25:47,879 --> 00:25:50,448 AND YOU CAN GET IT TBAK TO THEM. 433 00:25:50,515 --> 00:25:55,820 ALSO IF YOU ARE GOING TO TALK TO THEM WITH-- NOT AN ARGUMENT, I 434 00:25:55,887 --> 00:26:02,127 MEAN TO SAY A POINT OF VIEW THAT THEY MIGHT NOT GO FOR, YOU HAVE 435 00:26:02,193 --> 00:26:03,361 TO KNOW WHO THEY ARE. 436 00:26:03,428 --> 00:26:08,833 AND PART OF THAT IS LISTENING TO THEM, WATCHING THEM, AND THEN 437 00:26:08,900 --> 00:26:12,671 YOU KNOW HOW TO SPEAK TO THEM SO THAT YOU DON'T O HE-- OFFEND 438 00:26:12,737 --> 00:26:13,838 THEM OR TURN THEM OFF. 439 00:26:13,905 --> 00:26:16,408 IF IS REALLY SOMETHING THAT EVERY FAMILY NEEDS NOW BECAUSE 440 00:26:16,474 --> 00:26:19,711 FAMILIES DON'T TALK TO ONE ANOTHER. 441 00:26:19,778 --> 00:26:24,382 >> Stephen: YOU ALSO, YOU WERE ON BROADWAY AT 19, IS THAT TRUE? 442 00:26:24,449 --> 00:26:28,486 >> I WAS UNDERSTUDYING ANOTHER ACTOR WHEN I WAS 19. 443 00:26:28,553 --> 00:26:29,521 I WAS IN COLLEGE. 444 00:26:29,587 --> 00:26:33,458 AND THE SHOW OPENED DURING THE CHRISTMAS VACATION. 445 00:26:33,525 --> 00:26:37,696 AND IT CLOSED BY THE TIME WE WENT BACK TO SCHOOL. 446 00:26:37,762 --> 00:26:38,830 (LAUGHTER) BUT THAT'S NOTHING. 447 00:26:38,897 --> 00:26:43,601 HAVE I BEEN IN PLAYS THAT CLOSED DURING THE INTERMISSION. 448 00:26:43,668 --> 00:26:46,171 >> Stephen: REALLY. 449 00:26:46,237 --> 00:26:47,372 >> ALMOST. 450 00:26:47,439 --> 00:26:49,574 >> Stephen: AND DO YOU MISS BEING ON-- DO YOU MISS BEING ON 451 00:26:49,641 --> 00:26:51,343 STAGE, DO YOU MISS THEATER. 452 00:26:51,409 --> 00:26:55,180 >> NO, I'M MOST AT HOME ON THE STAGE, TO BE WITH YOU FOLKS 453 00:26:55,246 --> 00:26:58,083 TONIGHT IS A REAL PLEASURE. 454 00:26:58,149 --> 00:27:02,120 IN A GREAT THEATER. 455 00:27:02,187 --> 00:27:06,424 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I JUST, I LOVE THE STAGE. 456 00:27:06,491 --> 00:27:08,126 THE STAGE IS ELEMENTAL. 457 00:27:08,193 --> 00:27:11,730 YOU ARE ALL IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER AND YOU ARE ALL GOING 458 00:27:11,796 --> 00:27:13,131 TO SOME IMAGINARY PLACE TOGETHER. 459 00:27:13,198 --> 00:27:16,701 AND IT IS ALL AN ACTIVE IMAGINATION. 460 00:27:16,768 --> 00:27:20,138 >> Stephen: DOES IMPROV EVER COME INTO YOUR, LIKE YOUR 461 00:27:20,205 --> 00:27:21,573 STRAIGHT THEATER WORK. 462 00:27:21,639 --> 00:27:25,110 LIKE WHEN THINGS GO SIDEWAYS DO YOU HAVE TO SORT OF ROLL WITH 463 00:27:25,176 --> 00:27:26,378 SOMETHING UNEXPECTED. 464 00:27:26,444 --> 00:27:29,681 >> AT THE TIME I WAS VERY YOWK I WEUSED TO LOVE IT WHEN AN ACTOR 465 00:27:29,748 --> 00:27:31,616 WOULD FORGET TO MAKE AN ENTRANCE. 466 00:27:31,683 --> 00:27:35,487 BECAUSE THEN I HAD THE WHOLE PLAY TO MYSELF. 467 00:27:35,553 --> 00:27:38,289 AND I COULD MAKE UP ANYTHING I WANTED. 468 00:27:38,356 --> 00:27:42,894 I COULD EVEN WRITE THEM OUT OF THE PLAY. 469 00:27:42,961 --> 00:27:46,264 >> Stephen: ALAN, WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, PLEASE DON'T 470 00:27:46,331 --> 00:27:48,333 GO ANYWHERE, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE ALAN ALDA. 471 00:28:00,945 --> 00:28:01,813 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 472 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:05,750 WE'RE HERE WITH NATIONAL TREASURE ALAN ALDA. 473 00:28:05,817 --> 00:28:09,320 YOU ARE KNOWN FOR PLAYING HIGH STATUS CHARACTERS. 474 00:28:09,387 --> 00:28:14,125 CERTAINLY DOCTORS, SCIENTISTS SENATORS. 475 00:28:14,192 --> 00:28:17,729 HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ABLE TO PLAY A 476 00:28:17,796 --> 00:28:20,732 RAL KNUCKLE DRAGGER. 477 00:28:20,799 --> 00:28:23,068 JUST AN ABSOLUTE DOLT STH. 478 00:28:23,134 --> 00:28:27,072 >> MOST OF THE HIGH PROFILE PEOPLE I PLAY READY DOLTS. 479 00:28:27,138 --> 00:28:29,574 (LAUGHTER) I MEAN WE'RE ALL DRK OLTS. 480 00:28:29,641 --> 00:28:34,946 I ALWAYS LOVE TO FIND WHAT THERE IS IN ANY CHARACTER THAT HAS GOT 481 00:28:35,013 --> 00:28:38,183 HUMAN FRAIL TEE ATTACHED TO IT, YOU KNOW. 482 00:28:38,249 --> 00:28:41,019 HOW ARE THEY NOT PERFECT. 483 00:28:41,086 --> 00:28:45,590 THAT MAKES ME-- BECAUSE I THINK REGRETTABLE THINGS, DOING 484 00:28:45,657 --> 00:28:48,993 REGRETTABLE THINGS IS WHAT MAKES A PLAY WORK. 485 00:28:49,060 --> 00:28:53,131 PEOPLE ACT ON EACH OTHER IN WAYS THEY WISH THEY HADN'T. 486 00:28:53,198 --> 00:28:57,202 >> WHEN I WAS AT SECOND CITY I WAS SORT OF STUCK IN HIGH 487 00:28:57,268 --> 00:28:59,137 PROFILE, HIGH STATUS ROLES ALL THE TIME. 488 00:28:59,204 --> 00:29:03,475 SO I WOULD MAKE MYSELF DO THINGS, ON STAGE AND OFF THAT 489 00:29:03,541 --> 00:29:07,579 WERE EMBARRASSING TO MY DIGNITY IN ORDER TO TRY AND LOWER MY 490 00:29:07,645 --> 00:29:08,480 STATUS. 491 00:29:08,546 --> 00:29:10,682 >> TELL ME ABOUT IT IT THAT SOUNDS GREAT. 492 00:29:10,748 --> 00:29:11,449 >> Stephen: REALLY? 493 00:29:11,516 --> 00:29:13,418 , I WOULD DO THINGS OUT. 494 00:29:13,485 --> 00:29:16,387 >> LET'S SAY ARE YOU ON CLEAR AND VIVID RIGHT NOW. 495 00:29:16,454 --> 00:29:18,356 >> Stephen: WELL, I USED TO DO THING. 496 00:29:18,423 --> 00:29:20,925 I WOULD GO OUT, GO INTO AN ELEVATOR OR SOMETHING LUKE THAT 497 00:29:20,992 --> 00:29:23,595 WITH STRANGERS, LIKE IN THE REAL WORLD AND I WOULD START SINGING 498 00:29:23,661 --> 00:29:24,529 OUT LOUD. 499 00:29:24,596 --> 00:29:26,698 WHICH IS INCREDIBLY EMBARRASSING THING TO DO. 500 00:29:26,764 --> 00:29:28,466 NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU DO THAT. 501 00:29:28,533 --> 00:29:32,737 AND I WOULD TRY TO BREATHE IN HOW EMBARRASSING AND HOW KIND OF 502 00:29:32,804 --> 00:29:35,874 HUMILIATING IT FELT TO DO THAT AND HAVE EVERYONE JUDGING ME AND 503 00:29:35,940 --> 00:29:36,941 WISHING I WOULD STOP. 504 00:29:37,008 --> 00:29:42,113 SO I WOULD BE ABLE TO FEEL THAT UNPROTECTED FEELING. 505 00:29:42,180 --> 00:29:45,216 BECAUSE LIKE CHARACTERS ARE WEARING ARMOR ALL THE TIME. 506 00:29:45,283 --> 00:29:49,787 I USED TO WALK ACROSS THE STREET AND PRETEND TO BE A SQUIRREL 507 00:29:49,854 --> 00:29:52,490 POOPING IN ORDER TO LOWER MY-- THE TRICK WAS I HAD TO 508 00:29:52,557 --> 00:29:55,326 CONTINUE TO DO IT UNTIL I GOT ACROSS THE STREET NO MATTER WHAT 509 00:29:55,393 --> 00:29:59,164 PEOPLE SAID OR LOOKED AT ME. 510 00:29:59,230 --> 00:30:03,368 >> SO SQUIRRELS, YOU HAVE OBSERVED ALK ACROSS WHILE THEY 511 00:30:03,434 --> 00:30:04,536 POOP? 512 00:30:04,602 --> 00:30:06,271 >> Stephen: SQUIRRELS WALK WHILE THEY POOP, YOU DON'T KNOW 513 00:30:06,337 --> 00:30:06,905 THIS. 514 00:30:06,971 --> 00:30:12,210 THEY DO THIS, THEY DO THIS. 515 00:30:12,277 --> 00:30:14,712 SQUIRRELS KIND OF DO, THIS BECAUSE THEY STAND UP ON THEIR 516 00:30:14,779 --> 00:30:21,219 BEHIND LEGS AND WHEN THEY POOP THEY KIND OF SPREAD IT OUT, THEY 517 00:30:21,286 --> 00:30:29,194 DO THIS. 518 00:30:29,260 --> 00:30:35,733 (APPLAUSE) >> DO IT AGAIN. 519 00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:39,437 (APPLAUSE). 520 00:30:39,504 --> 00:30:42,607 >> Stephen: AND I WOULD DO THAT ACROSS THE CITY STREET TO 521 00:30:42,674 --> 00:30:46,211 TRY TO GET MYSELF OUT OF MY SORT OF PROTECTIVE HIGH STATUS 522 00:30:46,277 --> 00:30:47,478 ARMOUR. 523 00:30:47,545 --> 00:30:50,048 >> NOW THAT'S JUST A BIT, RIGHT, SQUIRRELS DON'T POOP AND WALK AT 524 00:30:50,114 --> 00:30:50,715 THE SAME TIME. 525 00:30:50,782 --> 00:30:53,751 >> Stephen: THEY REALLY DO. 526 00:30:53,818 --> 00:30:57,889 >> THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE MISSED CLASS THAT DAY. 527 00:30:57,956 --> 00:30:58,623 (LAUGHTER). 528 00:30:58,690 --> 00:31:02,060 >> Stephen: I THINK THEY DO. 529 00:31:02,126 --> 00:31:04,162 >> IT'S ALL IMAGINATION. 530 00:31:04,229 --> 00:31:06,264 >> Stephen: YES, ALAN T IS LOVELY TO YOU HAVE, THANK YOU SO 531 00:31:06,331 --> 00:31:07,131 MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 532 00:31:07,198 --> 00:31:09,200 >> I HAVE HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME. 533 00:31:09,267 --> 00:31:13,538 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NEW EPISODES OF THE "CLEAR AND 534 00:31:13,605 --> 00:31:16,341 VIVID" AND "SCIENCE CLEAR AND VIVID" PODCASTS ARE AVAILABLE 535 00:31:16,407 --> 00:31:17,208 WEEKLY. 536 00:31:17,275 --> 00:31:21,212 ALAN ALDA, EVERYONE! 537 00:31:21,279 --> 00:31:22,981 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 538 00:31:46,037 --> 00:31:47,972 >> AND NOW A PENGUIN WHO JUMPS EVERY TIME HE HEARS. 539 00:31:48,039 --> 00:31:52,977 >> I THOUGHT A HUG AND PUTTING MY ARM AROUND A STAFF PERSON 540 00:31:53,044 --> 00:31:55,613 WHILE TAKING A PICTURE WAS FRIENDLY. 541 00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:58,116 I MEANT IT TO BE ENDEARING. 542 00:31:58,182 --> 00:32:02,487 MY SENSE OF HUMOR CAN BE INSENSITIVE AND OFFPUTTING. 543 00:32:02,553 --> 00:32:04,989 >> HOW LONG IS THIS SPEECH. 544 00:32:05,056 --> 00:32:06,491 >> MY WAY OF SAYING, I SEE YOU. 545 00:32:06,557 --> 00:32:08,526 >> I WOULDN'T HAVE GONE SO HARD IN THE BEGINNING IF I KNEW IT 546 00:32:08,593 --> 00:32:09,627 WAS THIS LONG. 547 00:32:09,694 --> 00:32:11,663 >> I JUST WASN'T THINKING. 548 00:32:11,729 --> 00:32:14,198 >> I WANT TO BE HELPFUL, IT'S JUST I CAN'T. 549 00:32:14,265 --> 00:32:16,401 >> DIDN'T HE ALSO KILL A BUNCH OF PEOPLE. 550 00:32:16,467 --> 00:32:17,502 YOU WOULD THINK HE WOULD BE ON HIS HEELS MORE. 551 00:32:17,568 --> 00:32:19,504 >> BECAUSE I TRULY BELIEVE IT IS POLITICALLY MOTIVATED. 552 00:32:19,570 --> 00:32:21,039 >> OKAY, THATS THAT GOT TO BE THE LAST. 553 00:32:21,105 --> 00:32:22,940 WHAT THE. 554 00:32:23,007 --> 00:32:24,008 >> NO EXCUSES. 555 00:32:40,024 --> 00:32:40,992 WELCOME BACK. 556 00:32:41,059 --> 00:32:42,627 MY NEXT GUEST IS A POPULAR STANDUP COMEDIAN WHO IS 557 00:32:42,694 --> 00:32:46,964 CURRENTLY ON HIS "BEYOND THE FLUFFY" WORLD TOUR. 558 00:32:47,031 --> 00:32:50,968 HIS NEW MOVIE IS "SPACE JAM: A NEW LEGACY." PLEASE WELCOME TO 559 00:32:51,035 --> 00:32:53,037 "THE LATE SHOW" GABRIEL IGLESIAS! 560 00:33:01,479 --> 00:33:12,924 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WITHIN AWESOME. 561 00:33:12,990 --> 00:33:15,493 >> Stephen: THANKS FOR BEING HERE, NICE TO MEET YOU. 562 00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:18,463 >> THANK YOU, LIKEWISE, I'M SURPRISE WE HAVEN'T MET SOONER. 563 00:33:18,529 --> 00:33:21,599 >> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH, THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE IN THE 564 00:33:21,666 --> 00:33:22,767 WORLD, YOU KNOW. 565 00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:25,937 I HEARD SOMETHING THAT YOU HAD TO CANCEL SOME SHOWS BECAUSE 566 00:33:26,003 --> 00:33:28,706 YOU, ABOUT A MONTH AGO OR SOMETHING YOU CONTRACTED COVID 567 00:33:28,773 --> 00:33:31,409 EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE BEEN VACCINATED. 568 00:33:31,476 --> 00:33:32,443 >> YES. 569 00:33:32,510 --> 00:33:34,512 >> Stephen: SO YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE BREAKTHROUGHS. 570 00:33:34,579 --> 00:33:35,246 >> JUST MY LUCK. 571 00:33:35,313 --> 00:33:36,981 >> Stephen: HOW ARE YOU FEELING? 572 00:33:37,048 --> 00:33:44,822 >> I'M FEELING GOOD, NO, I'M KIDDING. 573 00:33:44,889 --> 00:33:47,125 (LAUGHTER). 574 00:33:47,191 --> 00:33:48,793 >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. 575 00:33:48,860 --> 00:33:52,630 WELL, WHAT WAS IT LIKE, DO THEY SAY THEY ARE TELLING US IF YOU 576 00:33:52,697 --> 00:33:56,200 GET VACCINATED EVEN IF YOU GET IT, IT IS VERY MILD, WHAT WAS IT 577 00:33:56,267 --> 00:33:57,368 LIKE. 578 00:33:57,435 --> 00:34:00,238 >> WELL, FOR ME, WHEN I GOT SICK IT WAS LESS THAN 24 HOURS. 579 00:34:00,304 --> 00:34:04,342 HI CHILLSK I HAD BODY ACHES BUT HAVE I HAD HANG OVERS THAT 580 00:34:04,409 --> 00:34:05,410 LASTED LONGER. 581 00:34:05,476 --> 00:34:06,878 >> Stephen: YOU ARE GRATEFUL TO HAVE HAD THE VACCINE. 582 00:34:06,944 --> 00:34:11,382 >> I'M VERY GRATEFUL, BECAUSE I'M 45. 583 00:34:11,449 --> 00:34:13,418 OVERWEIGHT, DIABETIC, HYPERTENSION, HIGH CHOLESTEROL, 584 00:34:13,484 --> 00:34:17,388 I HAVE EVERY REASON IN THE WORLD TO BE SICK RIGHT NOW AND 585 00:34:17,455 --> 00:34:21,559 FORTUNATELY I'M NOT, SO YES. 586 00:34:21,626 --> 00:34:22,794 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE). 587 00:34:22,860 --> 00:34:28,099 >> Stephen: YOU ARE, YOU KNOW YOU ARE ALSO THE VOICE OF SPEEDY 588 00:34:28,166 --> 00:34:32,236 GONZALEZ IN THE NEW SPACE JAM MOVE-- MOVIE FOR THOSE WHO DON'T 589 00:34:32,303 --> 00:34:33,671 REMEMBER WHAT SPEEDY LOOKS LIKE. 590 00:34:33,738 --> 00:34:36,107 WERE YOU ALWAYS A SPEEDY FAN. 591 00:34:36,174 --> 00:34:38,042 >> SPEEDY GONZALEZ WAS OUR HERO GROWING UP IN THE HOUSE. 592 00:34:38,109 --> 00:34:41,078 I NEVER SAW HIM AS A BAD CHARACTER. 593 00:34:41,145 --> 00:34:42,146 IS HE MEXICAN. 594 00:34:42,213 --> 00:34:43,815 >> Stephen: NO PROBLEM WITH THE HISPANIC COMMUNITY. 595 00:34:43,881 --> 00:34:47,385 >> HE IS MEXICAN AN FAST, THAT IS A JOB SECURITY WHERE I AM 596 00:34:47,452 --> 00:34:48,252 FROM. 597 00:34:48,319 --> 00:34:49,353 >> HE'S AWESOME. 598 00:34:49,420 --> 00:34:52,824 SO WHEN THEY ASKED ME TO BE SPEEDY GONZALEZ WITHOUT AN 599 00:34:52,890 --> 00:34:54,392 AUDITION, I THOUGHT THAT WAS AMAZING. 600 00:34:54,459 --> 00:34:56,360 >> Stephen: WITHOUT AN AUDITION. 601 00:34:56,427 --> 00:35:00,031 >> WITHOUT AN AUDITION, GREATEST PHONE CALL, WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE 602 00:35:00,097 --> 00:35:03,134 IN SPACE JAM, I'M LIKE SURE, THEN I'M ON A PHONE CALL WITH 603 00:35:03,201 --> 00:35:04,435 THE DIRECTOR AND WRITER. 604 00:35:04,502 --> 00:35:06,437 DO YOU THINK THAT MAYBE YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE VOICE. 605 00:35:06,504 --> 00:35:08,739 AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS PRETTY AWESOME THAT THEY WOULD GIVE ME 606 00:35:08,806 --> 00:35:09,874 THAT POWER. 607 00:35:09,941 --> 00:35:12,477 I SAID NO, WHEN PEOPLE SEE SPEEDY TBON GON, I DON'T WANT 608 00:35:12,543 --> 00:35:13,644 THEM TO THINK OF ME. 609 00:35:13,711 --> 00:35:18,082 I WANT THEM TO THINK OF SPEEDY GONZALEZ, SO YEAH, YOU KNOW. 610 00:35:18,149 --> 00:35:23,454 AND THEN THE QUESTION WAS ASKED, CAN YOU DO SPEEDY GONZALEZ. 611 00:35:23,521 --> 00:35:27,325 AND I'M LIKE WELL, HOW DID I GET THE PART, YOU KNOW. 612 00:35:27,391 --> 00:35:30,528 AND I'M LIKE OH, OH, OH. 613 00:35:30,595 --> 00:35:35,366 THEY NEEDED A BIG GROWN QUHEELD. 614 00:35:35,433 --> 00:35:39,570 AND SO-- (LAUGHTER) 615 00:35:39,637 --> 00:35:41,372 SO THEN THEY SAID CAN YOU DO SPEEDY. 616 00:35:41,439 --> 00:35:44,175 I SAID OF COURSE SCI DO IT, NEXT THING YOU KNOW I'M ON A CUL WITH 617 00:35:44,242 --> 00:35:48,446 A SOUND CHECK, HE'S ALL RIGHT SPEEDY GONZALEZ TAKE ONEK 618 00:35:48,513 --> 00:35:54,819 WHENEVER YOU ARE READY, I SAID GO OVER TO, O LA A MEGA I'M 619 00:35:54,886 --> 00:36:00,191 SPEED GONZALEZ, THE FASTEST-- IN MOUSE IN ALL MEXICO, ANDOLE. 620 00:36:00,258 --> 00:36:03,027 THE PRODUCER, DIRECTOR AND WRITER WERE ALL THREE LIKE THAT 621 00:36:03,094 --> 00:36:04,061 WAS PERFECT. 622 00:36:04,128 --> 00:36:07,665 I SAID I KNOW, I'VE BEEN MEXICAN A LONG TIME. 623 00:36:07,732 --> 00:36:08,900 >> Stephen: WOW. 624 00:36:08,966 --> 00:36:12,570 >> I SAID DON'T JUST THINK THAT BECAUSE I'M MEXICAN CAN I ONLY 625 00:36:12,637 --> 00:36:13,804 DOT MEXICAN CHARACTER. 626 00:36:13,871 --> 00:36:16,207 I SAID I DO VOICES FOR A LIVING, IF GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY CAN I 627 00:36:16,274 --> 00:36:18,976 VOICE THE ENTIRE FILM BY MYSELF. 628 00:36:19,043 --> 00:36:20,177 YEAH. 629 00:36:20,244 --> 00:36:24,815 I SAID YOU WANT MARVIN THE MAR SHAGS, OH MY, O MY MODULATOR. 630 00:36:24,882 --> 00:36:29,387 YOU WANT, HEY, YOSEMITE SAM. 631 00:36:29,453 --> 00:36:32,323 >> THAT BE RATE YOU WANT BUG BUNNY. 632 00:36:32,390 --> 00:36:33,524 WAS' UP DOC. 633 00:36:33,591 --> 00:36:36,494 I SAID YOU CAN FIRE ALL THE OTHER VOICE ACTORS RIGHT NOW, I 634 00:36:36,561 --> 00:36:40,998 WILL DO THE WHOLE MOVE DWREE FOR HALF. 635 00:36:41,065 --> 00:36:44,802 >> Stephen: THEY SHOULD HAVE TAKEN YOU UP ON IT. 636 00:36:44,869 --> 00:36:46,070 OKAY. 637 00:36:46,137 --> 00:36:50,041 YOU ARE NOT ONLY THE VOICE OF AN ICONIC CHARACTER, THIS IS TRULY 638 00:36:50,107 --> 00:36:51,175 AN ACHIEVEMENT. 639 00:36:51,242 --> 00:36:54,145 YOU ARE ALSO BECOME THE FACE OF AN ICONIC BRAND. 640 00:36:54,211 --> 00:36:59,417 DO WE HAVE A CLOSE ENOUGH SHOT THERE. 641 00:36:59,483 --> 00:37:03,454 TAPATUO HOT SAUCE, THAT IS YOU RIGHT THERE. 642 00:37:03,521 --> 00:37:04,021 THIS I LOVE. 643 00:37:04,088 --> 00:37:05,389 HOW DID THIS COME ABOUT. 644 00:37:05,456 --> 00:37:08,826 >> WELL, TAPATIO IS EL IS BRAILTING 50 YEARS OF BEING AN 645 00:37:08,893 --> 00:37:11,996 AMAZING HOT SAUCE AND HAVE I BEEN USING THEM SINCE I WAS A 646 00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:13,230 KID. 647 00:37:13,297 --> 00:37:15,499 I USED TO TELL STORY, THE BOTTLE ACTUALLY HAS A MARIACHI ON THE 648 00:37:15,566 --> 00:37:17,034 FRONT THARK IS USUALLY THE PICTURE. 649 00:37:17,101 --> 00:37:19,503 THIS IS A SPECIAL EDITION ONE WHERE I GOT TO BE ON IT. 650 00:37:19,570 --> 00:37:24,108 AND AS A KID MY DAD WAS A MARIACHI BUT KIND OF MIA. 651 00:37:24,175 --> 00:37:26,744 SO THERE WAS NOT A WHOLE LOT OF PHOTOS OF HIM. 652 00:37:26,811 --> 00:37:30,414 SO I WOULD ASK MY MOM, WHAT DOES MY DAD LOOK LIKE. 653 00:37:30,481 --> 00:37:32,817 SHE GRABBED THE HOT SAUCE. 654 00:37:32,883 --> 00:37:37,822 HE LOOKS LIKE THAT. 655 00:37:37,888 --> 00:37:40,825 AND SO THE FAMILY HAD SEEN ME DO THE JOKE ABOUT THE HOT SAUCE AND 656 00:37:40,891 --> 00:37:42,927 MY DAD AND THEY THIS REACHED OUT. 657 00:37:42,994 --> 00:37:46,964 THEY SAID LOOK, IT IS 50 YEARS STRK MY ANNIVERSARY, WE WANTED 658 00:37:47,031 --> 00:37:49,800 TO REACH OUT TO SOME PEOPLE THAT WERE GENUINE FANS OF THE 659 00:37:49,867 --> 00:37:51,002 PRODUCT. 660 00:37:51,068 --> 00:37:52,136 AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW THE OPPORTUNITY CAME UP WOULD YOU 661 00:37:52,203 --> 00:37:54,872 LIKE TO BE THE FIRST PERSON EVER FEATURED ON THE BOTTLE. 662 00:37:54,939 --> 00:37:57,408 AND I SAID I WOULD LOVE IT TO AND THEY LET ME BRING MY DOG. 663 00:37:57,475 --> 00:38:04,815 >> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS. 664 00:38:04,882 --> 00:38:06,217 >> YEAH. 665 00:38:06,283 --> 00:38:08,819 >> Stephen: WAIT A SECOND, HOT AND FLUFFY SAUCE. 666 00:38:08,886 --> 00:38:09,687 >> HOT AND FLUFFY. 667 00:38:09,754 --> 00:38:11,622 >> Stephen: YOUR NICKNAME IS FLUFFY, WHY. 668 00:38:11,689 --> 00:38:16,794 >> IT STAY NICKNAME GIVEN TO ME MANY YEARS, I SAID MOM, I'M FAT. 669 00:38:16,861 --> 00:38:20,798 SHE SAID MIJO, ARE YOU NOT FAT, I'M FLUFFY, ALL RIGHT. 670 00:38:20,865 --> 00:38:23,768 >> Stephen: WAS YOUR MOTHER A LOONY TUNES CHARACTER. 671 00:38:23,834 --> 00:38:24,969 >> I THINK SHE WAS. 672 00:38:25,036 --> 00:38:27,738 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE THIS ONE OTHER THING WHICH I THINK THIS 673 00:38:27,805 --> 00:38:29,006 IS PRETTY GREAT. 674 00:38:29,073 --> 00:38:32,877 YOU GOT AN INTERESTING COLLECTION. 675 00:38:32,943 --> 00:38:34,478 YOU COLLECT V-W MICROBUSES. 676 00:38:34,545 --> 00:38:35,613 >> YES. 677 00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:36,881 >> Stephen: SO LOOK AT THAT BEAUTIFUL COLLECTION THERE. 678 00:38:36,947 --> 00:38:41,986 WHY THIS-- WHENEVER I SEE ONE IT TAKING ME BACK TO MY CHILDHOOD 679 00:38:42,053 --> 00:38:43,220 AND I WANT ONE. 680 00:38:43,287 --> 00:38:46,857 A, WHERE CAN YOU GET A GOOD ONE AND HOW DID YOU GET INTO THIS. 681 00:38:46,924 --> 00:38:49,927 >> WELL, MY FIRST CAR WAS ACTUALLY A VOLKSWAGEN BUS. 682 00:38:49,994 --> 00:38:53,898 AND I HAD GOTTEN MY GIRLFRIEND AT THE TIME BACK HER FIRST CAR. 683 00:38:53,964 --> 00:38:58,035 I WANTED TO SEE IF I COULD GET A VOLKSWAGEN BUS, ONE TURNED INTO 684 00:38:58,102 --> 00:38:59,236 TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE. 685 00:38:59,303 --> 00:39:03,074 I JUST BOUGHT A BUILDING AND I FILLED UP THE ENTIRE BUILDING 686 00:39:03,140 --> 00:39:03,708 WITH USES ABOUT,. 687 00:39:03,774 --> 00:39:04,809 >> Stephen: HOW MANY BUSES. 688 00:39:04,875 --> 00:39:05,676 >> THERE ARE ABOUT 30. 689 00:39:05,743 --> 00:39:07,678 >> Stephen: HAVE YOU DRIVEN ALL OF THEM. 690 00:39:07,745 --> 00:39:10,414 >> YES, I FIT IN ALL OF THEM TOO BECAUSE THAT IS A QUESTION. 691 00:39:10,481 --> 00:39:11,749 THAT IS A QUESTION. 692 00:39:11,816 --> 00:39:14,018 SOMEONE ASKED ME WHY SO MANY CARS. 693 00:39:14,085 --> 00:39:16,821 I SAID I DIDN'T HAVE A COCAINE HABIT SO I HAD TO SPEND THE 694 00:39:16,887 --> 00:39:17,388 MONEY SOMEWHERE. 695 00:39:17,455 --> 00:39:18,055 SO I WENT FOR IT. 696 00:39:18,122 --> 00:39:19,523 AND IT WORKED OUT. 697 00:39:19,590 --> 00:39:21,926 >> Stephen: GABRIEL, LOVELY TO MEET YOU. 698 00:39:21,992 --> 00:39:22,893 >> LIKEWISE. 699 00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:27,164 >> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 700 00:39:27,231 --> 00:39:31,001 BEYOND THE FLUFERY COME DEE TOUR TICKETS ON SALE NOW. 701 00:39:31,068 --> 00:39:32,069 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 702 00:39:45,983 --> 00:39:47,151 THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 703 00:39:47,218 --> 00:39:51,122 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE JENNIFER HUDSON. 704 00:39:51,188 --> 00:39:53,190 GOOD NIGHT.