1 00:00:01,301 --> 00:00:02,302 >> BREAKING NEWS OUT OF 2 00:00:02,369 --> 00:00:03,336 NEW YORK. 3 00:00:03,403 --> 00:00:04,137 GOVERNOR ANDREW CUOMO HAS RESIGNED. 4 00:00:04,204 --> 00:00:07,674 HE WILL STEP DOWN IN TWO WEEKS. 5 00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:11,411 HIS ANNOUNCEMENT COMES AFTER A SCATHING REPORT FROM THE STATE'S 6 00:00:11,478 --> 00:00:13,513 ATTORNEY GENERAL'S OFFICE ACCUSING THE GOVERNOR OF 7 00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:14,914 SEXUALLY HARASSING ELEVEN WOMEN. 8 00:00:14,981 --> 00:00:17,851 >> NOW, DESPITE STEPPING DOWN AS GOVERNOR, CUOMO CONTINUES TO 9 00:00:17,917 --> 00:00:20,920 DENY THAT HE DID ANYTHING WRONG. 10 00:00:20,987 --> 00:00:25,492 >> THE MOST SERIOUS ALLEGATIONS MADE AGAINST ME HAD NO CREDIBLE 11 00:00:25,558 --> 00:00:32,198 FACTUAL BASIS IN THE REPORT. 12 00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,869 >> SO LET'S START NEW YORK TOUGH, WITH THE TRUTH. 13 00:00:35,935 --> 00:00:40,940 I SEXUALLY HARASSED ELEVEN WOMEN. 14 00:00:41,007 --> 00:00:44,177 I WAS CONTINUOUSLY TRYING TO RECRUIT MORE WOMEN TO HUG AND 15 00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:45,211 KISS. 16 00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:48,681 NO OTHER STATE GOVERNMENT ACCOMPLISHED MORE SEXUAL 17 00:00:48,748 --> 00:00:49,549 HARASSMENT. 18 00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:53,486 THANK YOU FOR THE HONOR OF TOUCHING YOU. 19 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:56,723 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE 20 00:00:58,291 --> 00:01:01,461 SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! 21 00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:04,297 TONIGHT OMO CUOMO. 22 00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:10,270 PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES BRAN STELTER AND MUSICAL GUEST BIG 23 00:01:10,336 --> 00:01:17,477 RED MACHINE, WITH A SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY PRESIDENT BARACK 24 00:01:17,544 --> 00:01:19,846 OBAMA, FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN." 25 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:24,317 AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YOR 26 00:01:24,384 --> 00:01:31,524 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 27 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:41,668 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 28 00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:44,404 >> Stephen: HEY! 29 00:01:44,471 --> 00:01:45,371 HOW YOU DOING? 30 00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:49,476 I GOT IT IN MY HEAD NOW, I'M THINKING ABOUT IT! 31 00:01:49,542 --> 00:01:50,276 ( LAUGHTER ) HELLO! 32 00:01:50,343 --> 00:01:53,480 HEY, EVERYBODY! 33 00:01:53,546 --> 00:01:54,147 WELCOME! 34 00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:55,081 WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! 35 00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:55,949 PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY! 36 00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:56,916 WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 37 00:01:56,983 --> 00:01:59,118 I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 38 00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:03,590 AND IT IS -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 39 00:02:03,656 --> 00:02:04,891 ♪♪ IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY HERE IN NEW 40 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,626 YORK. 41 00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,361 IT'S 85 DEGREES, WITH 75% HUMIDITY, AND THIS AFTERNOON 42 00:02:08,428 --> 00:02:12,932 ANDREW CUOMO RESIGNED! 43 00:02:12,999 --> 00:02:16,903 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON 44 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:17,837 THE BUTT ON THE WAY OUT. 45 00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:20,907 BUT IF IT DOES, THAT DOOR SHOULD ALSO RESIGN. 46 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:27,614 ( LAUGHTER ) FOR NOW, CUOMO'S STILL GOVERNOR, 47 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,250 BECAUSE, FOR REASONS I DON'T UNDERSTAND, CUOMO'S RESIGNATION 48 00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:32,519 WILL TAKE EFFECT IN 14 DAYS. 49 00:02:32,585 --> 00:02:36,356 EVIDENTLY, HE GAVE HIMSELF TWO WEEKS' NOTICE. 50 00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:38,625 ( LAUGHTER ) THE RESIGNATION COMES AFTER 11 51 00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:42,595 WOMEN HAVE ACCUSED HIM OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT, RANGING FROM RUNNING 52 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:45,565 TWO FINGERS ACROSS THE CHEST OF AN ENERGY COMPANY EMPLOYEE, TO 53 00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:50,036 GRABBING THE REAR OF AN UNNAMED EMPLOYEE, TO A FORMER ASSISTANT 54 00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:51,271 WHO SAYS THE GOVERNOR "REACHED UNDER HER BLOUSE AND GRABBED HER 55 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:52,505 BREAST." 56 00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:54,607 AT THE PRESS CONFERENCE, CUOMO TOOK FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS 57 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:58,611 ACTIONS. 58 00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:01,748 SORT OF? 59 00:03:01,814 --> 00:03:05,251 >> IN MY MIND, I HAVE NEVER CROSSED THE LINE WITH ANYONE 60 00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:08,555 BUT I DIDN'T REALIZE THE EXTENT TO WHICH THE LINE HAS BEEN 61 00:03:08,621 --> 00:03:18,431 REDRAWN. 62 00:03:18,498 --> 00:03:24,437 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) >> STEPHEN: I DON'T KNOW WHAT 63 00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:26,906 LINE HE'S TALKING ABOUT, BUT HOPEFULLY HE'LL EXPLAIN IT IN 64 00:03:26,973 --> 00:03:30,443 HIS NEW BOOK, "ANDREW AND THE PURPLE CRAYON." 65 00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:36,149 ( LAUGHTER ) WARNING: THAT'S NOT A CRAYON 66 00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:40,987 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT IT IS PURPLE. 67 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:44,991 ( LAUGHTER ) ONE OF THE MORE DISTURBING 68 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,360 DETAILS IN THE ATTORNEY GENERAL'S REPORT WAS THE 69 00:03:47,427 --> 00:03:48,461 ALLEGATION THAT CUOMO HAD HARASSED A MEMBER OF HIS OWN 70 00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:52,165 SECURITY DETAIL. 71 00:03:52,231 --> 00:03:54,434 >> AT PUBLIC EVENTS, TROOPERS WILL OFTEN HOLD DOORS OPEN OR 72 00:03:54,500 --> 00:04:00,440 GUARD THE DOORWAYS. 73 00:04:00,506 --> 00:04:04,777 WHEN I WALK PAST THEM, I OFTEN WILL GIVE THEM A GRIP OF THE 74 00:04:04,844 --> 00:04:05,244 ARM, A PAT ON THE FACE, A TOUCH ON THE STOMACH OR SLAP ON THE 75 00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:06,112 BACK. 76 00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:09,148 IT IS MY WAY OF SAYING I SEE YOU. 77 00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:11,818 I APPRECIATE YOU. 78 00:04:11,884 --> 00:04:14,721 >> Stephen: WOW! 79 00:04:14,787 --> 00:04:17,056 DID YOU WATCH HE REALLY TRIED TO SLIP IN THAT "TOUCH ON THE 80 00:04:17,123 --> 00:04:18,257 STOMACH" AS IF IT'S ALL THE SAME. 81 00:04:18,324 --> 00:04:20,526 (AS CUOMO) "I WOULD OFTEN PAT THEM ON THE 82 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:25,932 BACK, STROKE THEM ON THE GROIN, GIVE THEM A FRIENDLY SUCK ON THE 83 00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,468 TOE. 84 00:04:28,534 --> 00:04:31,938 ( LAUGHTER ) THEN THEY MOVED THE LINE!" 85 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:36,409 SO, EVIDENTLY, HE TOUCHES POLICE OFFICERS ON THE STOMACH. 86 00:04:36,476 --> 00:04:40,480 A TRADITION HE STARTED WITH HIS ORIGINAL CHIEF OF SECURITY, 87 00:04:40,546 --> 00:04:43,549 LARRY POPPIN' FRESH. 88 00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:46,085 ( LAUGHTER ) IN A FITTING BIT OF KARMA, 14 89 00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:48,488 DAYS FROM NOW, NEW YORK WILL HAVE ITS FIRST FEMALE GOVERNOR 90 00:04:48,554 --> 00:04:52,492 CURRENT LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR KATHY HOKUL. 91 00:04:52,558 --> 00:04:57,764 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WOW. 92 00:04:57,830 --> 00:05:03,136 I DID NOT REALIZE HOW MANY HOCHUL FANS THERE WERE OUT 93 00:05:03,202 --> 00:05:04,137 THERE. 94 00:05:04,203 --> 00:05:05,071 HOKUL WILL BE TAKING THE SEAT VACATED BY CUOMO. 95 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,474 HOPEFULLY, AFTER PUTTING A TOWEL DOWN FIRST. 96 00:05:08,541 --> 00:05:11,511 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) CUOMO'S ON HIS WAY OUT, BUT 97 00:05:11,577 --> 00:05:12,745 COVID'S MAKING A COMEBACK. 98 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:16,482 THANKS TO THE DELTA VARIANT, THE U.S. IS AVERAGING OVER 120,000 99 00:05:16,549 --> 00:05:19,919 NEW COVID CASES A DAY, MORE THAN DOUBLE THE LEVELS OF TWO WEEKS 100 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,187 AGO. 101 00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:24,590 AT THIS POINT, THE DELTA VARIANT IS MOVING THROUGH US FASTER THAN 102 00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:28,461 A CHALUPA THROUGH A BASSET HOUND. 103 00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:31,931 ( LAUGHTER ) PAINTS A PICTURE, DOESN'T IT? 104 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:36,469 ( LAUGHTER ) ALSO, THE WALL. 105 00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:40,473 ( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, ALL THIS COVID NEWS 106 00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:43,810 COMES RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING OF BACK-TO-SCHOOL SEASON. 107 00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:45,011 AND UNLIKE ORIGINAL COVID, THE DELTA VARIANT IS HITTING KIDS 108 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:46,145 HARD. 109 00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:48,481 THEY CAN'T GET VACCINATED YET, WHICH IS WHY WE NEED MASK 110 00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:49,982 MANDATES. 111 00:05:50,049 --> 00:05:53,553 BUT THAT HAS ENRAGED A LOT OF CONSERVATIVES, LIKE THIS KANSAS 112 00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:55,988 WOMAN WHO SPOKE AT A COUNTY COMMISSIONER'S MEETING. 113 00:05:56,055 --> 00:06:01,060 >> I HAVE A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN LOGIC, A MASTER'S IN MOTHERHOOD, 114 00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:04,263 BUT MOSTLY I'M BOARD CERTIFIED IN BEING A FREEDOM-LOVING 115 00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:05,431 AMERICAN. 116 00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:07,934 THE U.S. CONSTITUTION WAS DESIGNED TO LIMIT CONTROL OF THE 117 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,001 GOVERNMENT. 118 00:06:09,068 --> 00:06:13,973 WE FOUGHT A CIVIL WAR AND WE ARE NO LONGER SUBJECTS. 119 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:18,511 >> STEPHEN: I DON'T THINK THAT'S WHAT THAT ONE WAS ABOUT, BUT I 120 00:06:18,578 --> 00:06:24,050 DON'T HAVE MY MASTERS IN MOTHERHOOD. 121 00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:24,484 I'M SORRY. 122 00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:25,918 GO ON. 123 00:06:25,985 --> 00:06:28,020 >> LET'S LOOK AT WHAT ELSE, YOU KNOW, THE C.D.C. RECOMMENDS THAT 124 00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:28,888 I DON'T LISTEN TO. 125 00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:31,991 JUST YESTERDAY, I ATE MY EGGS OVER EASY. 126 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:35,862 I ATE OYSTERS AT LUNCH. 127 00:06:35,928 --> 00:06:40,466 I HAD A CAESAR SALAD AND A STEAK, AND I ORDERED IT RARE. 128 00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:41,801 >> STEPHEN: HANG ON. 129 00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:44,003 EGGS, OYSTERS, AND A RARE STEAK IN ONE DAY? 130 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,372 FORGET MASK BANS. 131 00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:50,042 WE NEED TO BAN THAT LADY FROM USING THE UPSTAIRS BATHROOM. 132 00:06:50,109 --> 00:06:52,745 ( LAUGHTER ) THERE'S ALSO TROUBLE BREWING ON 133 00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:55,581 COLLEGE CAMPUSES, BECAUSE A LOT OF SCHOOLS ARE REQUIRING PROOF 134 00:06:55,648 --> 00:06:59,218 OF VACCINATIONS, SO SOME STUDENTS ARE RUSHING TO GET 135 00:06:59,285 --> 00:07:00,486 FAKE VACCINE CARDS. 136 00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:02,021 NO SURPRISE A BUNCH OF 19-YEAR-OLDS ARE TRYING TO LIE 137 00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:04,490 ABOUT PROTECTION. 138 00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:07,126 (AS COLLEGE BOY) "BABE, I CAN'T GET THE VACCINE. 139 00:07:07,193 --> 00:07:12,365 IT KILLS ALL THE SENSATION FROM THE PROTEIN SPIKES." 140 00:07:12,431 --> 00:07:14,033 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT KIDS, IF YOU'RE 141 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,969 UNVACCINATED, I HAVE A HOT HOOKUP FOR A PLACE THAT'S GIVING 142 00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:20,039 OUT VACCINE CARDS. 143 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:23,075 FOR FREE. 144 00:07:23,142 --> 00:07:26,045 ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS GET A LITTLE POKE IN YOUR ARM, THEN 145 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,947 COME BACK IN THREE WEEKS, DO IT AGAIN, AND YOU'LL GET A CARD 146 00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:30,917 THAT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THE REAL THING. 147 00:07:30,983 --> 00:07:32,018 TRY IT! 148 00:07:32,084 --> 00:07:35,655 IT'S YEET! 149 00:07:35,721 --> 00:07:39,492 ( LAUGHTER ) IS IT YEET? 150 00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:44,030 >> Jon: SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 151 00:07:44,096 --> 00:07:47,233 YEET TRYING TO GET OUT OF THERE. 152 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,100 YEET. 153 00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:51,671 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: NOW, IF COVID IS 154 00:07:51,737 --> 00:07:53,372 TEMPTING YOU TO LEAVE THE PLANET, I'VE GOT THE 155 00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:55,041 LATEST FROM LOW ORBIT IN MY INTERGALACTIC SEGMENT: SPACE 156 00:07:55,107 --> 00:07:59,512 NEWS: ADVERTISING IN SPACE EDITION! 157 00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:01,080 THERE'S BIG NEWS ABOUT SPACE-X FOUNDER AND FAILED REBOOT OF THE 158 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:04,483 FONZ, ELON MUSK. 159 00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:08,020 MUSK'S COMPANY PLANS TO PUT BILLBOARDS IN SPACE. 160 00:08:08,087 --> 00:08:11,457 ELON, NO! 161 00:08:11,524 --> 00:08:13,125 MANKIND GAZES UP THE STARS TO WONDER "WHAT'S UP THERE? 162 00:08:13,192 --> 00:08:15,261 WHAT'S MY PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE?" 163 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:19,866 NOT "WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR A KLONDIKE BAR?" 164 00:08:19,932 --> 00:08:22,935 TURNS OUT IT'S NOT QUITE AS BAD AS THAT HEADLINE WOULD IMPLY. 165 00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:26,038 APPARENTLY, THE PLAN IS TO LAUNCH A SQUARE-SHAPED 166 00:08:26,105 --> 00:08:31,310 SATELLITE, WITH ONE SIDE USED AS A DISPLAY SCREEN, THE 167 00:08:31,377 --> 00:08:34,513 SATELLITE WILL BE EQUIPPED WITH A SELFIE STICK SO IT CAN FILM 168 00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:35,815 THE DISPLAY SCREEN AND THEN LIVE-STREAM THE ADS TO PLATFORMS 169 00:08:35,882 --> 00:08:36,482 LIKE YOUTUBE. 170 00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:38,017 OH GOOD. 171 00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:40,987 USING THE PINNACLE OF HUMAN INGENUITY AND ENGINEERING TO 172 00:08:41,053 --> 00:08:48,461 MAKE MORE OF EVERYONE'S FAVORITE PART OF YOUTUBE: THE ADS. 173 00:08:48,527 --> 00:08:50,029 ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, I GET WHY A COMPANY MIGHT 174 00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:53,399 WANT ITS AD DISPLAYED WITH EARTH IN THE BACKGROUND. 175 00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:56,035 BUT YOU DON'T NEED YOUR OWN SATELLITE TO DO THAT. 176 00:08:56,102 --> 00:09:00,473 YOU JUST NEED THE BEST GRAPHICS TEAM IN LATE NIGHT. 177 00:09:00,539 --> 00:09:04,477 THAT'S HOW I ALREADY HAVE ADS IN SPACE FOR MY NEW LOLLIPOP 178 00:09:04,543 --> 00:09:08,414 COMPANY: SUCK IT, ELON. 179 00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:09,215 ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 180 00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:12,518 >> Jon: THAT'S GOOD. 181 00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:13,452 NICE. 182 00:09:13,519 --> 00:09:14,287 NICE. 183 00:09:14,353 --> 00:09:17,356 >> Stephen: THAT'S REALLY SUCCESSFUL. 184 00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:20,493 THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL, WE DIDN'T STOP AT EARTH. 185 00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:23,796 I ALSO DEFINITELY HAVE ADS FLOATING ABOVE THE SURFACE OF 186 00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:24,964 SATURN. 187 00:09:25,031 --> 00:09:26,966 YOU CAN ALSO GET YOUR AD NEXT TO THE DEATH STAR, BUT IF YOU 188 00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:29,869 REALLY WANT YOUR SPACE AD TO BREAK THROUGH, YOU GOTTA THINK 189 00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:38,978 OUTSIDE THE BOX WITH ONE LIKE THIS: 190 00:09:39,045 --> 00:09:43,716 ( SCREAMING ) >> OH, GOD! 191 00:09:43,783 --> 00:09:48,487 >> ♪ 1-877-KARS-4KIDS DONATE YOUR CAR TODAY ♪ 192 00:09:48,554 --> 00:09:52,491 >> Stephen: IT'S A BETTER AD. 193 00:09:52,558 --> 00:09:53,225 THAT IMPROVES IT. 194 00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:56,062 THAT'S A BETTER AD. 195 00:09:56,128 --> 00:09:57,330 ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 196 00:09:57,396 --> 00:10:00,132 >> STEPHEN: THERE'S ONE BRIGHT, HOPEFUL SPOT OF NEWS IN AMERICA. 197 00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:02,969 AND IT'S ALL THANKS TO RESTAURATEUR AND DRUNK PARTY 198 00:10:03,035 --> 00:10:07,807 PORCUPINE, GUY FIERI. 199 00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:10,176 HOP A BUS FOR FLAVOR TOWN, BECAUSE CHEF FIERI HAS A NEW 200 00:10:10,242 --> 00:10:14,814 CULINARY INVENTION: THE "APPLE PIE HOT DOG." 201 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,616 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) THE SENATE'S ALL PROUD OF THEIR 202 00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:22,588 TRILLION DOLLAR BIPARTISAN INFRASTRUCTURE BILL. 203 00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:26,092 BUT THIS PATRIOT BUILT A BRIDGE BETWEEN HOT DOG AND FOOD! 204 00:10:26,158 --> 00:10:27,226 ( LAUGHTER ) LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THIS ENTREE 205 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:34,066 OF FREEDOM: WHOA! 206 00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:37,937 IT'S A HOT DOG POP TART! 207 00:10:38,004 --> 00:10:40,573 FORGET PIGS IN A BLANKET-THESE PIGS HAVE A KING SIZE PASTRY 208 00:10:40,639 --> 00:10:46,078 DUVET! 209 00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:47,580 GUY DIDN'T WORK ALONE ON THIS BEAUTY-IT WAS A SPECIAL COLLAB, 210 00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:49,015 AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THE FULL HEADLINE: "GUY FIERI INVENTS 211 00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:50,182 APPLE PIE HOT DOG WITH CHEVROLET FOR MAJOR LEAGUE 212 00:10:50,249 --> 00:10:53,786 BASEBALL'S FIELD OF DREAMS GAME." 213 00:10:53,853 --> 00:10:57,923 AND WE FOUND IT: THE MOST AMERICAN SENTENCE EVER WRITTEN. 214 00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:06,065 SORRY, "WE THE PEOPLE," THIS' IS OUR CONSTITUTION NOW. 215 00:11:06,132 --> 00:11:10,069 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) 216 00:11:10,136 --> 00:11:14,306 SADLY, THESE DOGS ARE ONLY AVAILABLE IN IOWA AT THURSDAY'S 217 00:11:14,373 --> 00:11:16,642 "FIELD OF DREAMS" GAME. 218 00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:19,578 BUT IF YOU CAN'T MAKE IT, DON'T WORRY: GUY RELEASED THIS VIDEO 219 00:11:19,645 --> 00:11:22,081 OF HOW TO MAKE YOUR VERY OWN AT HOME: 220 00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:23,315 >> FIRST, PIE CRUST. 221 00:11:23,382 --> 00:11:26,085 THEN SOME BACON JAM, A LITTLE BROWN SUGAR, A LITTLE HONEY, AND 222 00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:28,521 A LITTLE APPLE CIDER VINEGAR. 223 00:11:28,587 --> 00:11:30,089 APPLE PIE FILLING, I IMAGINE YOU PROBABLY HAVE AN AWESOME APPLE 224 00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:31,724 PIE FILLING THAT YOUR GRANDMA USED TO MAKE BUT IF YOU WANNA 225 00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:37,363 GET THAT CANNED STUFF, IT'S FINE TO USE IN THIS. 226 00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:38,497 >> STEPHEN: (AS FIERI) "HELL, PUT THE CAN IN THERE TOO. 227 00:11:38,564 --> 00:11:40,132 YOU CAN'T GO WRONG WITH THIS MAMMA-JAMMA, PACK IT WITH 228 00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:46,072 GARBAGE AND JUST LEAVE A SLOT TO SLIDE THAT DOG IN!" 229 00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:47,073 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 230 00:11:47,139 --> 00:11:52,611 THIS IS A MAJOR ACHIEVEMENT IN HOT DOG DESSERTS. 231 00:11:52,678 --> 00:11:56,248 BUT I HAVE ONE SMALL BONE TO PICK WITH FIERI: HE CLAIMS TO 232 00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:58,584 HAVE INVENTED THE PIE DOG, THE TRUTH IS, HE'S NOT THE FIRST. 233 00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:02,088 JIM, ROLL THAT CLIP FROM 2007: >> I'M MORE AMERICAN THAN APPLE 234 00:12:02,154 --> 00:12:04,657 PIE. 235 00:12:04,723 --> 00:12:10,096 I'M LIKE APPLE PIE WITH A HOT DOG IN IT. 236 00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:11,230 SEXY. 237 00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:21,273 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN" ) 238 00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:29,315 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN" ) 239 00:12:29,381 --> 00:12:30,082 >> Stephen: THANK YOU. 240 00:12:30,149 --> 00:12:32,952 THANK YOU. 241 00:12:33,018 --> 00:12:34,086 I'VE SAID IT ONCE AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN: I AM THE 242 00:12:34,153 --> 00:12:34,854 ORIGINAL GUY FIERI. 243 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,222 AND I HAVE BEEN SINCE HIGH SCHOOL. 244 00:12:36,288 --> 00:12:38,057 JUST LOOK AT MY SENIOR PICTURE. 245 00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:42,061 REGARDLESS OF WHO CAME UP WITH IT, A HOT DOG INSIDE AN APPLE 246 00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:45,898 PIE IS BRILLIANT. 247 00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:50,069 I WANT A HOT DOG INSIDE AN APPLE PIE INSIDE STEPHEN COLBERT. 248 00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:53,472 LUCKILY, GUY FIERI SENT ME ONE! 249 00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:56,509 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) HERE WE GO. 250 00:12:56,575 --> 00:13:03,215 THIS IS ACTUALLY SENT FROM MR. P FIERI. 251 00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:04,083 THANK YOU. 252 00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:07,686 NOW, HE'S CONFIDENT I'M GOING TO LOVE IT. 253 00:13:07,753 --> 00:13:09,054 AS HE SAID HIMSELF, "I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE REACTIONS FROM 254 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:10,356 FANS AS THEY TAKE THEIR FIRST BITE OF THE APPLE PIE HOT DOG!" 255 00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:14,126 WELL, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT, GUY. 256 00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:18,063 'CUZ I'M ABOUT TO TASTE AMERICA. 257 00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:28,741 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HERE GOES NOTHING. 258 00:13:28,807 --> 00:13:37,783 MMM. 259 00:13:37,850 --> 00:13:42,021 IT'S LIKE MARTHA WASHINGTON GAVE BIRTH IN MY MOUTH. 260 00:13:42,087 --> 00:13:45,257 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 261 00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:48,961 MY GUEST IS CNN ANCHOR BRIAN STELTER. 262 00:13:49,028 --> 00:13:51,864 WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!"! 263 00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:52,898 STICK AROUND! 264 00:13:52,965 --> 00:13:54,500 ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 265 00:14:15,287 --> 00:14:26,632 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 266 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:32,104 >> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN," EVERYBODY! 267 00:14:32,171 --> 00:14:38,510 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 268 00:14:38,577 --> 00:14:39,178 JON -- >> Jon: HEY! 269 00:14:39,245 --> 00:14:41,247 >> Stephen: I SAW YOU EARLIER. 270 00:14:41,313 --> 00:14:45,918 FOR THOSE OF YOU JUST JOINING US EARLIER IN THE ACT, GUY FIERI 271 00:14:45,985 --> 00:14:51,056 SENT US OVER A HOT DOG STUFFED INSIDE AN APPLE PIE, 272 00:14:51,123 --> 00:14:51,757 ESSENTIALLY. 273 00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:52,625 WAS THAT TEMPTING TO YOU AT ALL? 274 00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:54,893 >> Jon: YEAH, I WOULD TAKE A BITE OF IT. 275 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,596 >> Stephen: YEAH, I THINK WE'VE GOT SOME MORE. 276 00:14:57,663 --> 00:14:59,231 WE HAVE MORE OF THOSE, RIGHT? 277 00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:00,366 LET'S GET THIS MAN ONE. 278 00:15:00,432 --> 00:15:01,967 >> Jon: I GOTTA GET ONE. 279 00:15:02,034 --> 00:15:04,903 >> Stephen: WE'LL GET ONE NEXT COMMERCIAL BREAK. 280 00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:06,171 WE'LL DEFINITELY GET YOU ONE. 281 00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:08,007 >> Jon: IS IT GOOD? 282 00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:08,841 HOUSE OF IT? 283 00:15:08,907 --> 00:15:12,411 >> Stephen: I WILL NOT SOON FORGET IT. 284 00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:15,748 ( LAUGHTER ) IT'S MEMORY, I MIGHT BE THINKING 285 00:15:15,814 --> 00:15:18,317 ABOUT THAT ON MY DEATH BED. 286 00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:21,120 ( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW, THEY SAY YOUR LIFE -- 287 00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:21,920 ( LAUGHTER ) THANK YOU, GUY. 288 00:15:21,987 --> 00:15:23,222 THANK YOU, GUY. 289 00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:26,125 THANK YOU FOR YOUR INGENUITY. 290 00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:32,598 WE HAVE BRIAN STELTER COMING UP HERE, CNN'S MEDIA ANALYST COMING 291 00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:33,732 UP. 292 00:15:33,799 --> 00:15:35,567 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW 293 00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:41,674 HIS BOOK CAME OUT LAST YEAR CALLED "HOAX" ABOUT FOX NEWS. 294 00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:45,944 THERE'S NEW REVELATIONS ABOUT FOX NEWS ESPECIALLY AFTER THE 295 00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:46,945 INSURGENCY, THE COUP. 296 00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:48,113 >> Jon: YEAH. 297 00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:49,748 >> Stephen: AND I'M GOING TO ASK HIM ABOUT SOME WEIRD VERY 298 00:15:49,815 --> 00:15:52,318 UNCOMFORTABLE STUFF GOING ON WITH CHRIS CUOMO, ONE IMAGINES 299 00:15:52,384 --> 00:15:55,754 RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE HE'S GOT TO REPORT OR NOT REPORT ON HIS 300 00:15:55,821 --> 00:15:56,455 BROTHER BEING GONE. 301 00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:58,624 WHAT'S THAT GOING TO BE LIKE? 302 00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:00,559 THAT'S AN AWKWARD THANKSGIVING. 303 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:02,261 >> Jon: YEAH, I THINK SO. 304 00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:03,529 LOT OF TENSION IN THAT. 305 00:16:03,595 --> 00:16:06,265 >> Stephen: LOT OF TENSION. 306 00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:06,632 FAMILIES. 307 00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:07,266 >> Jon: YES. 308 00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:08,233 >> Stephen: I'M AGAINST 'EM. 309 00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:12,971 ( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT. 310 00:16:13,038 --> 00:16:16,375 YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I SPENT A LOT OF TIME CAREFULLY RESEARCHING 311 00:16:16,442 --> 00:16:26,251 THE DAY'S MOST CULTURALLY PREPRECIOUS STORIES, 312 00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:27,986 CROSS-REFERENCING HISTORICAL ACCOUNTS WITH TOPOGRAPHICAL 313 00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:29,922 MAPS, AND ASSEMBLING THE FINEST TEAM OF ARCHAEOLOGISTS TO 314 00:16:29,988 --> 00:16:31,156 UNEARTH THE UNESCO WORLD HERITAGE EXCAVATION SITE OF 315 00:16:31,223 --> 00:16:32,257 HUMOR THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 316 00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:34,626 BUT SOMETIMES, I DISTRACT AN ORPHAN WITH A PIECE OF 317 00:16:34,693 --> 00:16:36,829 LINT-COVERED CANDY AND STEAL THEIR BUCKET AND PAIL, THEN 318 00:16:36,895 --> 00:16:38,230 SNEAK INTO THE POTTER'S FIELD IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT WITH TWO 319 00:16:38,297 --> 00:16:40,332 DRIFTERS I PICKED UP ON THE COMMUTER TRAIN, AND FORCE THEM 320 00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:42,634 TO DIG UP FOR YOU THE ABANDONED PAUPER'S GRAVE 321 00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:46,638 OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: ♪♪ 322 00:16:46,705 --> 00:16:50,242 >> MEANWHILE! 323 00:16:50,309 --> 00:17:01,420 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) "MEANWHILE!," JUST THERE WHEN 324 00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:05,157 YOU ALWAYS NEED IT. 325 00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:06,625 MEANWHILE, PEPSICO INC IS PLANNING TO LAUNCH A MOUNTAIN 326 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,394 DEW-BRANDED ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE, AND I CAN 327 00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:11,530 ONLY HOPE IT WILL BE CALLED "MOUNTAIN DON'T" 328 00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:12,931 ( LAUGHTER ) FUN FACT: ACCIDENTALLY SPILLING 329 00:17:12,998 --> 00:17:17,169 ALCOHOL INTO MOUNTAIN DEW WAS HOW THEY DISCOVERED METH. 330 00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:20,239 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, TOY COMPANY MATTEL IS 331 00:17:20,305 --> 00:17:26,245 CURRENTLY GETTING KICKED IN THE TWEETS FOR POSTING THIS IMAGE OF 332 00:17:26,311 --> 00:17:30,649 THEIR DIVERSE OLYMPIC BARBIES. 333 00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:34,620 CONDEMNED FOR RELEASING THEIR INCLUSIVE TOKYO OLYMPICS 334 00:17:34,686 --> 00:17:36,555 COLLECTION WITHOUT ANY VISIBLE ASIAN REPRESENTATION." 335 00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:37,489 LITTLE BIT OF AN OVERSIGHT THERE. 336 00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:38,223 HOW DID THIS PITCH MEETING GO? 337 00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:39,391 (LEADING MEETING) "OKAY, TOKYO. 338 00:17:39,458 --> 00:17:41,360 REPRESENTATION. 339 00:17:41,427 --> 00:17:42,127 LET'S HEAR IDEAS. 340 00:17:42,194 --> 00:17:44,229 WE'LL HAVE A WHITE GIRL, OBVIOUSLY. 341 00:17:44,296 --> 00:17:44,863 BLACK GIRL? 342 00:17:44,930 --> 00:17:46,632 NOW WE'RE COOKING WITH GAS. 343 00:17:46,698 --> 00:17:48,100 WHAT'S THAT, RICK? 344 00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:48,967 A POSSIBLY-ITALIAN GIRL? 345 00:17:49,034 --> 00:17:50,235 I LOVE IT! 346 00:17:50,302 --> 00:17:50,803 WHAT ELSE. 347 00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:51,136 THIS IS TOKYO... TOKYO. 348 00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:52,070 TOKYO. 349 00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:53,272 TOKYO.. 350 00:17:53,338 --> 00:17:56,108 THINK, THINK, THINK, SOMETHING THAT REALLY SAYS INCLUSIVE 351 00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:56,508 "TOKYO" OLYMPICS. 352 00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:57,843 YES, BRENDA? 353 00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,913 TWO MORE WHITE GIRLS, BOTH BLONDE?? 354 00:18:00,979 --> 00:18:02,247 NAILED IT! 355 00:18:02,314 --> 00:18:13,692 WHO WANTS MORE COCAINE?" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 356 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:17,362 MEANWHILE, JENNIFER ANISTON HAS REVEALED THAT "SHE EATS JUST ONE 357 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:22,634 POTATO CHIP OR ONE M&M WHEN SHE'S STRESSED." 358 00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:26,271 ( BLEEP ) OFF. 359 00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:33,312 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I DON'T MEAN THAT. 360 00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:34,613 I DON'T MEAN THAT. 361 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,049 I'M JOKING, OBVIOUSLY. 362 00:18:37,115 --> 00:18:42,488 CELEBRITIES: THEY'RE JUST LIKE US... IF BY "US" YOU MEAN ANTS. 363 00:18:42,554 --> 00:18:44,289 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, DISNEY WORLD FINALLY 364 00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:48,894 RELEASED PRICES FOR ITS NEW GALACTIC STARCRUISER STAR WARS 365 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:54,633 HOTEL, TWO NIGHTS FOR TWO GUESTS IN THIS STUDIO STATEROOM WILL 366 00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:56,001 COST YOU $4,809. 367 00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:57,002 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) LET ME JUST CHECK IN WITH MY 368 00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:58,637 ACCOUNTANT TO SEE WHAT HE THINKS. 369 00:18:58,704 --> 00:19:02,074 >> IT'S A TRAP! 370 00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:03,475 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THANK YOU. 371 00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:06,645 THANK YOU. 372 00:19:06,712 --> 00:19:10,649 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: AND GET READY TO GO 373 00:19:10,716 --> 00:19:15,521 FROM ZERO TO SHOCKED IN LESS THAN 12 PARSECS BECAUSE PRICES 374 00:19:15,587 --> 00:19:18,624 ACTUALLY "GO UP TO $5,299 FOR THAT SAME ROOM IF YOU ROOM IF 375 00:19:18,690 --> 00:19:19,591 YOU ADD A KID." 376 00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:22,361 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) I KNOW THAT SEEMS WAY MORE 377 00:19:22,427 --> 00:19:25,831 EXPENSIVE, BUT REMEMBER, STAYING AT THE STAR WARS HOTEL AS AN 378 00:19:25,898 --> 00:19:31,003 ADULT "WITHOUT" A KID WILL ALSO COST YOU YOUR DIGNITY. 379 00:19:31,069 --> 00:19:32,504 ( LAUGHTER ) WHEN WE COME BACK, PRESIDENT 380 00:19:32,571 --> 00:19:35,073 OBAMA AND I GO ONE-ON-ONE. 381 00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:35,674 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 382 00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:36,508 STICK AROUND! 383 00:19:45,817 --> 00:19:55,794 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 384 00:19:55,861 --> 00:20:13,011 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 385 00:20:13,078 --> 00:20:18,116 >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY! 386 00:20:18,183 --> 00:20:21,320 LAST NIGHT, I BROKE THE BIGGEST NEWS STORY OF THE WEEK: THAT I 387 00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:26,158 WAS "DIS-INVITED" TO PRESIDENT OBAMA'S 60TH BIRTHDAY PARTY. 388 00:20:26,224 --> 00:20:26,592 YEAH. 389 00:20:26,658 --> 00:20:30,295 I KNOW, I KNOW. 390 00:20:30,362 --> 00:20:32,864 I WAS SHOCKED... TO HAVE BEEN INVITED IN THE FIRST PLACE 391 00:20:32,931 --> 00:20:33,532 ( LAUGHTER ) SCALING ME BACK? 392 00:20:33,599 --> 00:20:34,766 LESS SHOCKED. 393 00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:39,404 I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY MY CLOSE, PERSONAL FRIEND, BARACK, AS HE'S 394 00:20:39,471 --> 00:20:41,340 NEVER INVITED ME TO CALL HIM, MIGHT'VE CUT ME FROM THE LIST. 395 00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:44,076 YOU SEE, WE MET UP LAST YEAR IN WASHINGTON TO DISCUSS HIS 396 00:20:44,142 --> 00:20:48,647 MEMOIR, "A PROMISED LAND." 397 00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:50,148 AND AFTER OUR INTERVIEW, I CHALLENGED HIM TO A FRIENDLY 398 00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:51,016 GAME OF WASTEPAPER-BASKETBALL. 399 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:54,252 NOW I'M SURE YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED. 400 00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:56,722 BUT FOR ANYONE GETTING UP THERE IN AGE, FOR EXAMPLE 60 YEARS AND 401 00:20:56,788 --> 00:21:01,660 SIX DAYS OLD, I FIGURED I'D REMIND YOU. 402 00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:05,297 SO, PRESIDENT OBAMA, COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO GETTING CUT FROM 403 00:21:05,364 --> 00:21:08,100 YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY, HERE IS YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT: PLEASE 404 00:21:08,166 --> 00:21:10,769 ENJOY US GOING ONE-ON-ONE, FOR THE FIRST TIME WITH A LIVE 405 00:21:10,836 --> 00:21:14,139 STUDIO AUDIENCE TO ENJOY IT. 406 00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:15,407 JIM? 407 00:21:15,474 --> 00:21:20,078 HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF "A PROMISED LAND," 408 00:21:20,145 --> 00:21:22,247 PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA. 409 00:21:22,314 --> 00:21:24,016 MR. PRESIDENT, YOU'RE FAMOUS FOR YOUR COMPETITIVENESS. 410 00:21:24,082 --> 00:21:26,151 WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE ME ON IN A GAME OF WASTE BASKET BALL. 411 00:21:26,218 --> 00:21:27,853 >> ABSOLUTELY. 412 00:21:27,919 --> 00:21:30,255 >> STEPHEN: ALL RIGHT, LET'S HIT SOME BASHETS. 413 00:21:30,322 --> 00:21:34,259 >> LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION: DID HE PRACTICE A LOT ON THIS 414 00:21:34,326 --> 00:21:38,096 WHOLE WASTE BASKET BASKETBALL IDEA? 415 00:21:38,163 --> 00:21:41,433 HAS HE BEEN PRACTICING, LIKE, ALL MONTH FOR THIS. 416 00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:42,467 >> STEPHEN: NO! 417 00:21:42,534 --> 00:21:44,202 WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE SOME PRACTICE SHOTS FIRST? 418 00:21:44,269 --> 00:21:45,937 WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE SOME PRACTICE SHOTS. 419 00:21:46,004 --> 00:21:46,571 >> I DON'T NEED PRACTICE SHOTS. 420 00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:50,175 AGAINST YOU? 421 00:21:50,242 --> 00:21:54,246 >> STEPHEN: ALL RIGHT, BASKET'S RIGHT OVER THERE. 422 00:21:54,312 --> 00:21:56,181 INSIDE YOUR THING OVER HERE. 423 00:21:56,248 --> 00:21:57,115 >> OH, I ALREADY HAVE MY-- YOU. 424 00:21:57,182 --> 00:21:58,417 >> STEPHEN: ALREADY HAVE YOURS RIGHT THERE. 425 00:21:58,483 --> 00:22:01,219 THERE ARE 10 PAPER BALLS. 426 00:22:01,286 --> 00:22:02,421 YOURS IS A YELLOW LEGAL PAD, WHICH I BELIEVE IS HOW YOU WROTE 427 00:22:02,487 --> 00:22:03,722 YOUR BOOK. 428 00:22:03,789 --> 00:22:04,556 >> WHAT IS YOURS? 429 00:22:04,623 --> 00:22:06,024 >> STEPHEN: I HAVE BLUE SCRIPT PAPER. 430 00:22:06,091 --> 00:22:08,193 >> HOW COME IT SEEMS LIKE YOURS IS CRUMPLED UP MORE. 431 00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:13,265 >> STEPHEN: BECAUSE I SQUEEZED THEM. 432 00:22:13,331 --> 00:22:18,270 >> NOT ONLY DID YOU PRACTICE-- LOOK AT THIS ONE-- LOOK AT THIS 433 00:22:18,336 --> 00:22:20,205 ONE COMPARED TO YOURS. 434 00:22:20,272 --> 00:22:21,740 IT'S ALL -- >> STEPHEN: TAKE A MOMENT. 435 00:22:21,807 --> 00:22:22,274 TAKE A MOMENT. 436 00:22:22,340 --> 00:22:23,108 >> AND... 437 00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:25,210 >> STEPHEN: DO YOU WANT TO TRADE BALLS? 438 00:22:25,277 --> 00:22:26,378 >> NO, BUT I JUST THINK AS A MATTER OF PRINCIPLE, THE FACT 439 00:22:26,445 --> 00:22:32,117 THAT YOU DIDN'T... 440 00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:32,651 >> STEPHEN: SO HERE IT IS. 441 00:22:32,718 --> 00:22:33,752 IT'S JUST 10. 442 00:22:33,819 --> 00:22:37,689 >> ARE WE TIMING THIS OR ARE YOU JUST GOING TO GO "10." 443 00:22:37,756 --> 00:22:41,626 AND THEN I GO TEN. 444 00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:43,095 >> STEPHEN: WE CAN SHOOT AT THE SAME TIME, IF YOU WANT. 445 00:22:43,161 --> 00:22:43,929 >> I JUST DON'T TRUST YOU. 446 00:22:43,995 --> 00:22:44,930 ALL RIGHT, COME ON, LET'S GO. 447 00:22:44,996 --> 00:22:47,299 >> STEPHEN: DO YOU WANT TO MAKE IT INTERESTING? 448 00:22:47,365 --> 00:22:50,302 IF-- IF I WIN, YOU HAVE TO MENTION ME IN YOUR NEXT BOOK. 449 00:22:50,368 --> 00:22:52,804 >> AND WHAT IF I WIN. 450 00:22:52,871 --> 00:22:53,772 >> STEPHEN: WHAT DO YOU WANT? 451 00:22:53,839 --> 00:22:56,374 >> NOBODY'S GOING TO READ YOUR BOOK ANYWAY, SO. 452 00:22:56,441 --> 00:22:57,843 / ( LAUGHTER ) IT DOESN'T MATTER. 453 00:22:57,909 --> 00:22:58,310 I'M NOT GOING TO LOSE. 454 00:22:58,376 --> 00:23:01,747 YOU READY. 455 00:23:01,813 --> 00:23:02,981 >> STEPHEN: HOW ABOUT THIS: HOW ABOUT I'LL MAKE A DONATION TO 456 00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:04,683 YOUR LIBRARY. 457 00:23:04,750 --> 00:23:06,284 >> NOW, THAT-- THAT IS IS WORTH-- WORTH-- IS THIS AN EQUAL 458 00:23:06,351 --> 00:23:07,018 DISTANCE, BY THE WAY? 459 00:23:07,085 --> 00:23:07,886 >> STEPHEN: THEY MEASURED IS OUT. 460 00:23:07,953 --> 00:23:08,386 >> ALL RIGHT. 461 00:23:08,453 --> 00:23:10,288 READY? 462 00:23:10,355 --> 00:23:14,359 >> STEPHEN: YUP. 463 00:23:14,426 --> 00:23:18,263 >> WE'RE TERRIBLE! 464 00:23:18,330 --> 00:23:20,298 ( BELL RINGS ). 465 00:23:20,365 --> 00:23:20,832 >> STEPHEN: PRESSURE'S ON. 466 00:23:20,899 --> 00:23:23,335 >> OH! 467 00:23:23,401 --> 00:23:26,271 >> STEPHEN: YOU GOTTA-- ( BELL RINGS ). 468 00:23:26,338 --> 00:23:28,874 >> STEPHEN: OH, NO! 469 00:23:28,940 --> 00:23:30,008 >> OH, MAN! 470 00:23:30,075 --> 00:23:30,642 ( BELL RINGS ). 471 00:23:30,709 --> 00:23:33,545 >> STEPHEN: IT'S WHAT I DO! 472 00:23:33,612 --> 00:23:34,279 IT'S WHAT I DO! 473 00:23:34,346 --> 00:23:36,114 >> IT'S NOT FINISHED YET. 474 00:23:36,181 --> 00:23:36,948 HOW MANY MORE HAVE YOU GOT? 475 00:23:37,015 --> 00:23:38,950 >> STEPHEN: I GOT FIVE MORE OVER HERE. 476 00:23:39,017 --> 00:23:43,722 >> I HAVE TO MAKE AT LEAST THESE LAST THREE. 477 00:23:43,789 --> 00:23:46,825 >> I'M SPENDING ALL MY TIME CRUMPLING MY BALLS HERE. 478 00:23:46,892 --> 00:23:49,094 ALL RIGHT. 479 00:23:49,161 --> 00:23:49,561 OH! 480 00:23:49,628 --> 00:23:50,829 THAT WAS SO CLOSE. 481 00:23:50,896 --> 00:23:58,370 ( BELL RINGS ) COLBERT, I'M GETTING CRUSHED. 482 00:23:58,436 --> 00:24:00,505 ( LAUGHS ) ( BELL RINGS ) 483 00:24:00,572 --> 00:24:01,840 OH, MAN! 484 00:24:01,907 --> 00:24:04,910 ( BELL RINGS ) >> OH! 485 00:24:04,976 --> 00:24:06,178 OH! 486 00:24:06,244 --> 00:24:10,882 ( BELL RINGS ) >> STEPHEN: WOOOOO! 487 00:24:10,949 --> 00:24:12,551 >> I DIDN'T EVEN HIT ONE. 488 00:24:12,617 --> 00:24:16,822 HOW AM I GOING TO LIVE THIS DOWN? 489 00:24:16,888 --> 00:24:17,622 HOLD ON A SECOND. 490 00:24:17,689 --> 00:24:18,423 I GOT ONE MORE. 491 00:24:18,490 --> 00:24:20,992 >> STEPHEN: THIS IS FOR EVERYTHING. 492 00:24:21,059 --> 00:24:22,394 OH! 493 00:24:22,460 --> 00:24:25,463 ( BELL RINGS ) >> STEPHEN: YOU LET ME WIN. 494 00:24:25,530 --> 00:24:26,832 >> NO, LOOK AT ME. 495 00:24:26,898 --> 00:24:28,266 / ( LAUGHTER ) ALL RIGHT. 496 00:24:28,333 --> 00:24:30,836 >> STEPHEN: THAT MADE THIS MY BEST INTERVIEW OF ALL TIME. 497 00:24:30,902 --> 00:24:32,971 >> YEAH, YEAH. 498 00:24:33,038 --> 00:24:37,442 I WILL NEVER-- I'VE LOST MY SWAG ON "STEPHEN COLBERT." 499 00:24:37,509 --> 00:24:39,077 >> Stephen: REALLY, VERY LAST QUESTION, NOT A QUESTION, JUST A 500 00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:41,780 STATEMENT -- THANK YOU FOR BEING PRESIDENT. 501 00:24:41,847 --> 00:24:43,081 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: THANK YOU AGAIN TO 502 00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:47,452 PRESIDENT OBAMA -- AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SIR. 503 00:24:47,519 --> 00:24:50,889 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CNN ANCHOR BRIAN STELTER. 504 00:24:50,956 --> 00:24:51,923 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 505 00:25:02,067 --> 00:25:08,206 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 506 00:25:08,273 --> 00:25:08,907 ♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 507 00:25:08,974 --> 00:25:10,175 WELCOME BACK! 508 00:25:10,242 --> 00:25:11,276 FOLKS -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 509 00:25:11,343 --> 00:25:15,881 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS CNN'S CHIEF 510 00:25:15,947 --> 00:25:18,416 MEDIA CORRESPONDENT AND THE ANCHOR OF "RELIABLE SOURCES." 511 00:25:18,483 --> 00:25:22,420 PLEASE WELCOME, BRIAN STELTER! 512 00:25:22,487 --> 00:25:37,202 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 513 00:25:37,269 --> 00:25:40,839 >> CAN I GET A STUDIO AUDIENCE FOR MY SHOW? 514 00:25:40,906 --> 00:25:42,073 >> Stephen: YOU SHOULD. 515 00:25:42,140 --> 00:25:43,708 I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY ANYBODY'S ON TV WITHOUT PEOPLE CHANTING 516 00:25:43,775 --> 00:25:44,943 THEIR NAME. 517 00:25:45,010 --> 00:25:47,178 ( LAUGHTER ) IT SEEMS LIKE A WASTE OF CAMERA 518 00:25:47,245 --> 00:25:47,946 SPECIAL EDUCATION. 519 00:25:48,013 --> 00:25:50,882 NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE, MR. STELTER. 520 00:25:50,949 --> 00:25:51,816 BIG NEWS TODAY -- >> WHAT? 521 00:25:51,883 --> 00:25:54,519 >> Stephen: GOVERNOR CUOMO RESIGNS. 522 00:25:54,586 --> 00:25:58,223 AS A MEDIA PROFESSIONAL, AS A COMMUNICATIONS ANALYST, WHAT DID 523 00:25:58,290 --> 00:25:59,958 YOU MAKE OF HIS SPEECH? 524 00:26:00,025 --> 00:26:00,859 >> WELL, I WAS SLEEPING. 525 00:26:00,926 --> 00:26:02,727 I TOOK A NAP. 526 00:26:02,794 --> 00:26:03,361 I SLEPT THROUGH IT. 527 00:26:03,428 --> 00:26:07,599 MY KIDS GET UP AT 5:00 A.M. 528 00:26:07,666 --> 00:26:11,603 BY NOON, I GET EXHAUSTED. 529 00:26:11,670 --> 00:26:16,541 I SAW HE WAS ABOUT TO GIVE A SPEECH AND I THOUGHT, HE'S NOT 530 00:26:16,608 --> 00:26:19,110 GOING TO RESIGN SO I WENT TO SLEEP. 531 00:26:19,177 --> 00:26:20,679 >> Stephen: YOU HIT THE HAY. 532 00:26:20,745 --> 00:26:23,214 NO WAY HE WAS GOING TO RESIGN. 533 00:26:23,281 --> 00:26:25,784 YOU KNOW THE IDEAS TRUMP WAS GOING TO GET CARRIED OUT OF THE 534 00:26:25,850 --> 00:26:29,921 WHITE HOUSE HANGING ON TO THE DESK, I THOUGHT THAT WAS GOING 535 00:26:29,988 --> 00:26:33,625 TO BE QUOAM O. THEN I WAKE UP AND MY WIFE IS TELLING ME TO 536 00:26:33,692 --> 00:26:38,930 WAKE UP, COME SEE THE SPEECH. 537 00:26:38,997 --> 00:26:40,999 I THOUGHT HE BURIED THE LEAD. 538 00:26:41,066 --> 00:26:45,804 HE WENT ONBOUND ONBOUND ON AND THEN MENTIONED HE WAS RESIGNING, 539 00:26:45,870 --> 00:26:47,372 THAT'S BAD PRACTICE. 540 00:26:47,439 --> 00:26:50,875 >> Stephen: AND THEN WENT OFF OF THAT INTO THE LEGACY OF HOW 541 00:26:50,942 --> 00:26:54,279 NEW YORK BEAT COVID WITH THE IMPLICATION OF HE LED US THROUGH 542 00:26:54,346 --> 00:26:59,217 THE COVID CRISIS, SO SOME OF IT WAS ABOUT HIS LEGACY, THEN. 543 00:26:59,284 --> 00:27:00,485 >> TRUE. 544 00:27:00,552 --> 00:27:02,887 I WAS GLAD YOU SHOWED A MONTAGE SO I WAS ABLE TO GET A SENSE OF 545 00:27:02,954 --> 00:27:04,489 THE FULL EXPERIENCE. 546 00:27:04,556 --> 00:27:08,193 >> Stephen: MY UNDERSTANDING IS MOST CNN ANCHORS GET THEIR 547 00:27:08,259 --> 00:27:10,829 NEWS FROM THE SHEA WITH STEPHEN COLBERT. 548 00:27:10,895 --> 00:27:14,899 YOU GUYS JUST REPACKAGE WHAT I DO. 549 00:27:14,966 --> 00:27:16,167 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) 550 00:27:16,234 --> 00:27:20,472 NOW IN A SMALL WAY, YOUR NETWORK IS INVOLVED IN THE STORY BECAUSE 551 00:27:20,538 --> 00:27:25,677 THE GOVERNOR'S BROTHER CHRIS CUOMO HAS HIS SHOW "THE CUOMO 552 00:27:25,744 --> 00:27:26,311 ZONE "-- . 553 00:27:26,378 --> 00:27:29,014 >> IS THAT WHAT IT'S CALLED? 554 00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:30,882 >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW. 555 00:27:30,949 --> 00:27:31,483 "CUOMO PRIME TIME." 556 00:27:31,549 --> 00:27:34,753 >> Stephen: "360 CUOMOS." 557 00:27:34,819 --> 00:27:39,924 ( LAUGHTER ) AND THE "NEW YORK TIMES" SAID HE 558 00:27:39,991 --> 00:27:44,429 WAS GOING TO GET DROPPED BECAUSE IT WAS ALLEGED HE WAS HELPING 559 00:27:44,496 --> 00:27:47,732 HIS BROTHER WITH THE COMMUNICATIONS TEAM. 560 00:27:47,799 --> 00:27:49,334 ARE PEOPLE MAD AT HIM OR IS HE IN TROUBLE? 561 00:27:49,401 --> 00:27:50,902 >> THEY ARE MAD AT HIM. 562 00:27:50,969 --> 00:27:52,604 I'LL CONFIRM THE "NEW YORK TIMES" REPORT. 563 00:27:52,670 --> 00:27:56,975 I ALSO HAVE A SOURCE THAT SAYS CHRIS WAS ON THE PHONE WITH HIS 564 00:27:57,042 --> 00:27:57,809 BROTHER. 565 00:27:57,876 --> 00:27:58,977 >> Stephen: IS YOUR SOURCE CHRIS CUOMO? 566 00:27:59,044 --> 00:28:00,078 >> HE IS NOT. 567 00:28:00,145 --> 00:28:01,046 HE IS NOT. 568 00:28:01,112 --> 00:28:03,548 YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE BOUNDARIES AND DRAW LINES. 569 00:28:03,615 --> 00:28:04,382 >> Stephen: HE DOESN'T. 570 00:28:04,449 --> 00:28:06,684 I THINK HE DOES, ACTUALLY. 571 00:28:06,751 --> 00:28:07,519 >> Stephen: REALLY? 572 00:28:07,585 --> 00:28:08,953 I THINK CHRIS DOES, NOT THE GOVERNOR. 573 00:28:09,020 --> 00:28:10,989 >> Stephen: WHAT ARE THE BOUNDARIES? 574 00:28:11,056 --> 00:28:17,095 >> THE BOUNDARY CNN MANAGEMENT PRESENTED HIM IN MAY WHEN HE 575 00:28:17,162 --> 00:28:20,532 ADMITTED HE SCREWED UP, IT WAS APPROPRIATE, YOU'RE ON THE PHONE 576 00:28:20,598 --> 00:28:23,902 WITH YOUR BROTHER'S AIDES ADVISING HIM WHAT TO DO. 577 00:28:23,968 --> 00:28:26,204 OF COURSE THEY'RE GOING TO TALK TO YOUR BROTHER. 578 00:28:26,271 --> 00:28:29,007 >> Stephen: THEY DIDN'T TALK TO HIS BROTHER ONCE THE TROUBLE 579 00:28:29,074 --> 00:28:29,841 STARTED. 580 00:28:29,908 --> 00:28:32,444 >> THAT WAS ALSO A MANAGEMENT RULING. 581 00:28:32,510 --> 00:28:36,481 >> Stephen: WHY DIDN'T THEY RULE THAT WAY WHEN HIS BROTHER 582 00:28:36,548 --> 00:28:38,750 WAS ON THE SHOW EVERY NIGHT DURING THE COVID. 583 00:28:38,817 --> 00:28:40,819 SEEMS LIKE AN ODD CONFLICT OF RULES. 584 00:28:40,885 --> 00:28:44,756 >> IT IS, BUT IF WE OPEN UP THE JOURNALISM ETHICS BOOK, THERE'S 585 00:28:44,823 --> 00:28:45,790 NO PAGE FOR THIS. 586 00:28:45,857 --> 00:28:48,460 IT'S A CRAZY SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES, A GOVERNOR AND 587 00:28:48,526 --> 00:28:52,864 BROTHER BOTH IN THESE HIGH-PROFILE JOBS, DEFINITELY 588 00:28:52,931 --> 00:28:54,132 AWKWARD FOR CNN. 589 00:28:54,199 --> 00:28:58,336 I TRIED TO THINK, IF I WAS GOING TO COVER THIS AT CBS HOW WOULD I 590 00:28:58,403 --> 00:29:01,406 COVER IT AND COVER IT THE SAME WAY. 591 00:29:01,473 --> 00:29:07,879 I TALKED TO A LOT OF SOURCES AT CNN AND SOME SAID I'M MAD AT 592 00:29:07,946 --> 00:29:10,949 CHRIS, OTHERS SAID YOU CAN'T PICK YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS. 593 00:29:11,015 --> 00:29:14,219 WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, WE COVER THE STORY ON AIR THE SAME AS ANY 594 00:29:14,285 --> 00:29:15,286 OTHER STORY. 595 00:29:15,353 --> 00:29:17,088 ULTIMATELY, ISN'T THAT WHAT MATTERS? 596 00:29:17,155 --> 00:29:23,795 >> Stephen: THE PAPERBACK IS OUT OF YOUR BOOK "HOAX," DONALD 597 00:29:23,862 --> 00:29:26,831 TRUMP AND THE DANGEROUS DOES TORSION OF TRUTH. 598 00:29:26,898 --> 00:29:29,601 THIS HAS A WHOLE BUNCH OF NEW INFORMATION IN HERE. 599 00:29:29,667 --> 00:29:34,172 WHY IS THERE SO MUCH MORE IN THIS PAPERBACK VERSION THAN A 600 00:29:34,239 --> 00:29:36,908 YEAR AGO WHEN THIS WAS RELEASED IN 2020. 601 00:29:36,975 --> 00:29:40,178 >> I HAD TO ADD 12 CHAPTERS BECAUSE OF THE ELECTION AND THE 602 00:29:40,245 --> 00:29:43,047 RIOT AND THE BIG LIE AND THE AFTERMATH. 603 00:29:43,114 --> 00:29:46,151 FOX IS FUNDAMENTALLY DIFFERENT THAN EVEN A YEAR AGO. 604 00:29:46,217 --> 00:29:50,255 I THINK TRUMP'S LOSS OR WHAT THEY THINK WAS, YOU KNOW, A 605 00:29:50,321 --> 00:29:54,292 STEAL, IT FUNDAMENTALLY CHANGED FOX AND RADICALIZED THE NETWORK. 606 00:29:54,359 --> 00:29:59,364 >> Stephen: DID YOU GET PEOPLE FROM FOX TO TALK TO YOU ON 607 00:29:59,430 --> 00:30:00,498 BACKGROUND. 608 00:30:00,565 --> 00:30:03,334 >> ABOUT 250 PEOPLE IN AND AROUND FOX, A LOT OF STAFFERS 609 00:30:03,401 --> 00:30:06,871 INSIDE WHO CAME TO ME BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO BLOW THE WHISTLE. 610 00:30:06,938 --> 00:30:09,407 THEY ARE DISTURBED BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENS ON AIR. 611 00:30:09,474 --> 00:30:12,010 THEY THINK THERE'S NO ONE IN CHARGE. 612 00:30:12,076 --> 00:30:16,214 EVEN THE MURDOCHS WHO OWN THE JOINT DON'T SEEM TO BE IN 613 00:30:16,281 --> 00:30:17,382 CHARGE. 614 00:30:17,448 --> 00:30:22,220 >> Stephen: ROGER AILES, WHEN HE WAS CHARGE, IT WASN'T ALL 615 00:30:22,287 --> 00:30:24,455 SWEETNESS AND A DEDICATION TO THE TRUTH, IT WAS STILL WE'RE 616 00:30:24,522 --> 00:30:28,092 GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT THE TO HEAR IN ORDER TO SELL 617 00:30:28,159 --> 00:30:29,360 SOME SOAP. 618 00:30:29,427 --> 00:30:34,232 >> YES, AND THIS WAS CREEPY WHEN I INTERVIEWED STAFFERS AT FOX, 619 00:30:34,299 --> 00:30:38,503 THEY MISSED AILES BECAUSE, YES, HE WAS ABUSIVE, BUT HE WAS THE 620 00:30:38,570 --> 00:30:39,704 BOSS AND IN CHARGE. 621 00:30:39,771 --> 00:30:44,209 >> Stephen: YOU KNEW WHERE YOU STOOD AND DECISIONS GOT STOOD 622 00:30:44,275 --> 00:30:45,276 BY. 623 00:30:45,343 --> 00:30:48,379 >> AND SOME STANDARDS AILES HAD WENT OUT THE WINDOW. 624 00:30:48,446 --> 00:30:53,017 AILES WAS NOT A BIG FAN OF TRUMP, AND AILES WAS OUSTED FIVE 625 00:30:53,084 --> 00:30:55,520 YEARS AGO WHICH LEADS US ALL TO CUOMO RESIGNING. 626 00:30:55,587 --> 00:31:01,025 THE #metoo MOVEMENT, ALL OF THIS RECKONING STARTS WITH 627 00:31:01,092 --> 00:31:04,229 GREMPEN CARLSEN SUING ROGER AILES FIVE YEARS AGO. 628 00:31:04,295 --> 00:31:08,533 >> Stephen: IS THERE ANYTHING POSITIVE PEOPLE HAD TO SAY ABOUT 629 00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:09,734 FOX BEHIND THE SCENES? 630 00:31:09,801 --> 00:31:14,739 BECAUSE I KNOW SOME PEOPLE WHO WORK OVER THERENS, AND IF YOU 631 00:31:14,806 --> 00:31:19,644 CAN PUT ASIDE THE ABUSE -- WHICH I KNOW THERE'S NO NEED TO PUT IT 632 00:31:19,711 --> 00:31:22,080 ASIDE -- PEOPLE SAY IT WAS A GREAT PLACE TO WORK. 633 00:31:22,146 --> 00:31:23,348 WHAT IS GREAT ABOUT IT? 634 00:31:23,414 --> 00:31:24,215 >> THEY TAKE CARE OF THEIR TALENT, DEFEND THEIR PEOPLE, THE 635 00:31:24,282 --> 00:31:25,917 QUALITY TO HAVE THE PRODUCTION IS STRONG. 636 00:31:25,984 --> 00:31:31,055 WATCH FOX WITH THE SOUNDOFF THE WAY AILES TOLD PEOPLE TO. 637 00:31:31,122 --> 00:31:32,857 >> Stephen: I TRY TO. 638 00:31:32,924 --> 00:31:35,560 ( LAUGHTER ) >> AND IT'S A RATHER COMPELLING 639 00:31:35,627 --> 00:31:36,327 TEES OF PELVIS. 640 00:31:36,394 --> 00:31:38,763 BUT THE PLACE HAS BEEN RADICALIZED. 641 00:31:38,830 --> 00:31:44,202 IT'S OKAY IN NORMAL POLITICS, BUT WHEN WE'RE IN A PANDEMIC AND 642 00:31:44,269 --> 00:31:46,938 THEY'RE PUSHING VACCINE MISINFORMATION, THAT'S BEYOND 643 00:31:47,005 --> 00:31:48,172 THE PALE. 644 00:31:48,239 --> 00:31:50,775 >> Stephen: WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT? 645 00:31:50,842 --> 00:31:53,678 A LOT OF THE VIEWERS ARE -- >> OLD? 646 00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:57,515 >> Stephen: -- AGED AMERICA AND DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A GREAT 647 00:31:57,582 --> 00:32:00,051 BUSINESS MODEL TO KILL YOUR VIEWER. 648 00:32:00,118 --> 00:32:02,420 >> I WOULDN'T RUN A BUSINESS THAT WAY. 649 00:32:02,487 --> 00:32:06,491 FOX HAS AN AUTOMATIC CONTRARYISM. 650 00:32:06,557 --> 00:32:10,662 WHATEVER BIDEN SAYS OR STEPHEN COLBERT SAYS, DO THE OPPOSITE. 651 00:32:10,728 --> 00:32:14,299 THAT WORKS DEBATING INFRASTRUCTURE, BUT NOT A 652 00:32:14,365 --> 00:32:15,566 PANDEMIC. 653 00:32:15,633 --> 00:32:18,603 WHEN THEY HEAR THE EXPERTS, THEY FEEL THE OPPOSITE IS THE ANSWER. 654 00:32:18,670 --> 00:32:20,104 THE CONTRARYISM HURTS THE VIEWERS. 655 00:32:20,171 --> 00:32:22,206 >> Stephen: HAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE FOR THIS PAPERBACK 656 00:32:22,273 --> 00:32:24,976 VERSION HERE WITH ALL OF THE NEW INFORMATION, YOU SPOKE TO A LOT 657 00:32:25,043 --> 00:32:29,814 OF PEOPLE, I ASSUME, SINCE THE INSURRECTION. 658 00:32:29,881 --> 00:32:31,716 >> YEAH, I FOLLOWED UP WITH PEOPLE. 659 00:32:31,783 --> 00:32:35,119 >> Stephen: DO THE PEOPLE THERE ACTUALLY THINK IT WAS 660 00:32:35,186 --> 00:32:39,290 STOLEN OR ARE THEY JUST SELLING THE PRODUCT THEY THINK THEIR 661 00:32:39,357 --> 00:32:40,191 CLIENT WANTS? 662 00:32:40,258 --> 00:32:41,359 >> THEY ARE SELLING THE PRODUCT. 663 00:32:41,426 --> 00:32:44,829 BY THE WAY, SOME OF MY SOURCES HAVE LEFT BECAUSE THEY CAN'T 664 00:32:44,896 --> 00:32:46,097 TAKE IT ANYMORE. 665 00:32:46,164 --> 00:32:48,499 SO THE PEOPLE WHO STAY ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE TRUE BELIEVERS, BUT 666 00:32:48,566 --> 00:32:50,201 THEY ARE JUST SELLING THE PRODUCT. 667 00:32:50,268 --> 00:32:53,371 I THINK FOX HAS LOST CONTROL OF THE MONSTER THATTETH CREATED. 668 00:32:53,438 --> 00:32:55,573 THEY ARE SCARED OF THEIR VIEWERS. 669 00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:58,209 I'M NOT SCARED OF MY VIEWERS. 670 00:32:58,276 --> 00:33:00,912 ARE YOU? 671 00:33:00,978 --> 00:33:03,147 >> Stephen: I'M TERRIFIED OF THEM. 672 00:33:03,214 --> 00:33:10,388 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) TERRIFIED. 673 00:33:10,455 --> 00:33:11,789 ( PIANO RIFF ) WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 674 00:33:11,856 --> 00:33:13,591 I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. 675 00:33:13,658 --> 00:33:15,326 >> I THINK WHEN -- ( LAUGHTER ) 676 00:33:15,393 --> 00:33:19,163 I'M NOT SCARED OF MY VIEWERS, STEPHEN, BUT THEN AGAIN, I DON'T 677 00:33:19,230 --> 00:33:19,897 HAVE A STUDIO AUDIENCE. 678 00:33:19,964 --> 00:33:20,932 >> Stephen: YES. 679 00:33:20,998 --> 00:33:23,668 I THINK THEY ARE SCARED TO TURN OFF THEIR VIEWERS. 680 00:33:23,735 --> 00:33:28,206 THEY KNOW THERE'S MORE RADICAL POSITIONS, NEWSMAX, ONE AMERICA 681 00:33:28,272 --> 00:33:29,407 NEWS. 682 00:33:29,474 --> 00:33:32,276 THERE ARE THESE CHANNELS THAT ARE EVEN WILDER AROUND IF THEY 683 00:33:32,343 --> 00:33:40,151 REPORT THE NEWS IN THE SAME WAY THEY FEAR THEY WILL TURN THE 684 00:33:40,218 --> 00:33:40,852 CHANNEL. 685 00:33:40,918 --> 00:33:41,652 THEY'RE AFRAID OF THEIR VIEWERS. 686 00:33:41,719 --> 00:33:43,588 >> Stephen: HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN ON? 687 00:33:43,654 --> 00:33:44,088 >> 25 YEARS. 688 00:33:44,155 --> 00:33:45,356 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FOX. 689 00:33:45,423 --> 00:33:48,493 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WHEN DID IT BECOME - 690 00:33:48,559 --> 00:33:52,330 IT IS RIGHT NOW? 691 00:33:52,397 --> 00:33:56,901 >> I THINK IT'S WHEN AILES IS PUSHED OUT FOR ALL THE RIGHT 692 00:33:56,968 --> 00:34:01,205 REASONS, BUT THEN THERE'S A LEADERSHIP VACUUM AND IT GOES 693 00:34:01,272 --> 00:34:02,306 DOWNHILL FROM THERE. 694 00:34:02,373 --> 00:34:03,541 THE PANDEMIC DOESN'T HELP. 695 00:34:03,608 --> 00:34:06,677 WHEN EVERYONE IS BROADCASTING FROM HOME, THAT MAKES IT WORSE, 696 00:34:06,744 --> 00:34:10,081 THE LEADERSHIP VACUUM BECAME EVEN MORE OBVIOUS. 697 00:34:10,148 --> 00:34:11,616 >> Stephen: BRIAN, LOVELY TO MEET YOU. 698 00:34:11,682 --> 00:34:13,351 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 699 00:34:13,418 --> 00:34:15,019 >> THANK YOU. 700 00:34:15,086 --> 00:34:15,920 >> Stephen: >> STEPHEN: HIS BOOK "HOAX" IS 701 00:34:15,987 --> 00:34:16,921 AVAILABLE NOW. 702 00:34:16,988 --> 00:34:18,756 BRIAN STELTER, EVERYBODY! 703 00:34:18,823 --> 00:34:22,560 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY BIG RED MACHINE. 704 00:34:47,018 --> 00:34:48,986 >> WE WILL MAKE OUR OWN HEALTH CHOICES. 705 00:34:49,053 --> 00:34:51,422 WE WILL NOT SHOW YOU A PASSPORT. 706 00:34:51,489 --> 00:34:53,024 WE WILL NOT WEAR A MASK. 707 00:34:53,090 --> 00:34:55,860 WE WILL NOT BE FORCED INTO RANDOM SCREENINGS AND TESTINGS 708 00:34:55,927 --> 00:35:00,097 SO YOU CAN CONTINUE YOUR DRUNK WITH POWER REIGN OVER THE 709 00:35:00,164 --> 00:35:01,365 CAPITOL. 710 00:35:01,432 --> 00:35:04,869 >> YEAH, AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO WHEEL AROUND MY RANDOMLY FIRING 711 00:35:04,936 --> 00:35:09,373 IN ALL DIRECTIONS DEADLY LASER BLASTER WHEREVER I WANT. 712 00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:16,113 YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO TURN OFF THE BLASTER, BUT ONLY BECAUSE I 713 00:35:16,180 --> 00:35:17,248 AM FREELY CHOOSING TO. 714 00:35:27,525 --> 00:35:28,726 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK. 715 00:35:28,793 --> 00:35:32,263 PERFORMING "PHOENIX" FROM THEIR FORTHCOMING ALBUM, "HOW LONG DO 716 00:35:32,330 --> 00:35:36,067 YOU THINK IT'S GONNA LAST," WITH ROBIN PECKNOLD AND ANAÏS 717 00:35:36,133 --> 00:35:41,739 MITCHELL, BIG RED MACHINE! 718 00:35:41,806 --> 00:35:52,049 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 719 00:35:52,116 --> 00:35:55,253 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> ♪ OUT IN THE LOADING BAY 720 00:35:55,319 --> 00:35:59,557 LIGHT ♪ WATCHING THE FOG RECEDE 721 00:35:59,624 --> 00:36:07,265 DIVIDED THE FLAME ♪ YOU SLOWLY GAVE TO ME 722 00:36:07,331 --> 00:36:11,235 SIGN UNDERNEATH IN MY MIND ♪ BUT I ONLY CAUGHT YOU THE ONE 723 00:36:11,302 --> 00:36:13,271 TIME ♪ LATER, I'D WATCH YOU AND 724 00:36:13,337 --> 00:36:19,277 WONDER WHAT IT WAS LIKE ♪ HOW DO YOU BEAR THE FULL 725 00:36:19,343 --> 00:36:24,081 WEIGHT? 726 00:36:24,148 --> 00:36:29,153 ♪ HOW DOES THE LONG WAY FEEL KNEADING YOUR HAND TOO TIGHT 727 00:36:29,220 --> 00:36:32,356 ♪ AGAINST THE WHEEL? 728 00:36:32,423 --> 00:36:36,193 HOW DO YOU STAY IN THAT TOWER? 729 00:36:36,260 --> 00:36:39,830 ♪ HOW DO YOU RECKON YOUR OWN POWER? 730 00:36:39,897 --> 00:36:49,106 ♪ HOW DOES THE WHEEL NOT TURN HOUR ON HOUR ON HOUR? 731 00:36:49,173 --> 00:36:53,144 ♪ I WAS TRYING TO FIND MY WAY I WAS THINKING MY MIND WAS MADE 732 00:36:53,210 --> 00:36:56,380 ♪ BUT YOU WERE MAKING MY HEART CHANGE SHAPE 733 00:36:56,447 --> 00:37:02,353 ♪ IT'S ALL THAT I COULD TAKE I WAS TRYING TO FIND MY WAY 734 00:37:02,420 --> 00:37:06,190 ♪ I WAS THINKING MY MIND WAS MADE 735 00:37:06,257 --> 00:37:13,164 ♪ BUT YOU WERE MAKING MY HEART CHANGE SHAPE 736 00:37:13,230 --> 00:37:17,168 ♪ IT'S ALL THAT I COULD TAKE ♪ ♪ ♪ 737 00:37:17,234 --> 00:37:29,146 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 738 00:37:29,213 --> 00:37:41,158 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 739 00:37:41,225 --> 00:37:44,428 HOW DO YOU BEAR THE FULL WEIGHT? 740 00:37:44,495 --> 00:37:49,166 ♪ HOW DOES THE LONG WAY FEEL KNEADING YOUR HAND TOO TIGHT 741 00:37:49,233 --> 00:37:53,170 ♪ AGAINST THE WHEEL? 742 00:37:53,237 --> 00:37:56,407 HOW DO YOU STAY IN THAT TOWER? 743 00:37:56,474 --> 00:38:00,878 ♪ HOW DO YOU RECKON YOUR OWN POWER? 744 00:38:00,945 --> 00:38:08,419 ♪ HOW DOES THE WHEEL NOT TURN HOUR ON HOUR ON HOUR? 745 00:38:08,486 --> 00:38:13,224 ♪ I WAS TRYING TO FIND MY WAY I WAS THINKING MY MIND WAS MADE 746 00:38:13,290 --> 00:38:17,161 ♪ BUT YOU WERE MAKING MY HEART CHANGE SHAPE 747 00:38:17,228 --> 00:38:23,834 ♪ IT'S ALL THAT I COULD TAKE NOW I WAS TRYING TO FIND MY WAY 748 00:38:23,901 --> 00:38:26,404 ♪ I WAS THINKING MY MIND WAS MADE 749 00:38:26,470 --> 00:38:32,410 ♪ BUT YOU WERE MAKING MY HEART CHANGE SHAPE 750 00:38:32,476 --> 00:38:37,081 ♪ IT'S ALL THAT I COULD TAKE NOW I WAS TRYING TO FIND MY WAY 751 00:38:37,148 --> 00:38:40,351 ♪ I WAS THINKING MY MIND WAS MADE 752 00:38:40,418 --> 00:38:44,422 ♪ BUT YOU WERE MAKING MY HEART CHANGE SHAPE 753 00:38:44,488 --> 00:38:49,760 ♪ IT'S ALL THAT I COULD TAKE NOW I WAS TRYING TO FIND MY WAY 754 00:38:49,827 --> 00:38:53,164 ♪ I WAS THINKING MY MIND WAS MADE 755 00:38:53,230 --> 00:38:57,168 ♪ BUT YOU WERE MAKING MY HEART CHANGE SHAPE 756 00:38:57,234 --> 00:39:05,142 ♪ IT'S ALL THAT I COULD TAKE NOW HOW DO YOU STAY IN THAT TOWER? 757 00:39:05,209 --> 00:39:08,412 ♪ HOW DOES THE LONG WAY FEEL? 758 00:39:08,479 --> 00:39:17,154 HOW DOES THE WHEEL NOT TURN ♪ HOUR ON HOUR ON HOUR? 759 00:39:17,221 --> 00:39:20,424 I WAS TRYING TO FIND MY WAY ♪ I WAS THINKING MY MIND WAS 760 00:39:20,491 --> 00:39:32,937 MADE ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 761 00:39:33,003 --> 00:39:34,572 >> Stephen: THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. 762 00:39:34,638 --> 00:39:35,372 THANK YOU. 763 00:39:35,439 --> 00:39:37,174 THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL. 764 00:39:37,241 --> 00:39:38,442 THANKS SO MUCH. 765 00:39:38,509 --> 00:39:41,178 BIG RED MACHINE, EVERYBODY! 766 00:39:41,245 --> 00:39:44,815 CHECK OUT ANOTHER SONG FROM THEM AT: COLBERTLATESHOW.COM! 767 00:39:44,882 --> 00:39:45,983 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 768 00:39:46,050 --> 00:39:46,984 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 769 00:39:57,328 --> 00:39:58,562 >> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 770 00:39:58,629 --> 00:40:01,899 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE ALAN ALDA AND COMEDIAN 771 00:40:01,966 --> 00:40:03,567 GABRIEL IGLESIAS. 772 00:40:03,634 --> 00:40:04,401 GOODNIGHT. 773 00:40:04,468 --> 00:40:05,669 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪