>> BREAKING NEWS OUT OF
NEW YORK.
GOVERNOR ANDREW CUOMO HAS RESIGNED.
HE WILL STEP DOWN IN TWO WEEKS.
HIS ANNOUNCEMENT COMES AFTER A SCATHING REPORT FROM THE STATE'S
ATTORNEY GENERAL'S OFFICE ACCUSING THE GOVERNOR OF
SEXUALLY HARASSING ELEVEN WOMEN.
>> NOW, DESPITE STEPPING DOWN AS GOVERNOR, CUOMO CONTINUES TO
DENY THAT HE DID ANYTHING WRONG.
>> THE MOST SERIOUS ALLEGATIONS MADE AGAINST ME HAD NO CREDIBLE
FACTUAL BASIS IN THE REPORT.
>> SO LET'S START NEW YORK TOUGH, WITH THE TRUTH.
I SEXUALLY HARASSED ELEVEN WOMEN.
I WAS CONTINUOUSLY TRYING TO RECRUIT MORE WOMEN TO HUG AND
KISS.
NO OTHER STATE GOVERNMENT ACCOMPLISHED MORE SEXUAL
HARASSMENT.
THANK YOU FOR THE HONOR OF TOUCHING YOU.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!
TONIGHT OMO CUOMO.
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES BRAN STELTER AND MUSICAL GUEST BIG
RED MACHINE, WITH A SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY PRESIDENT BARACK
OBAMA, FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN."
AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YOR
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
>> Stephen: HEY!
HOW YOU DOING?
I GOT IT IN MY HEAD NOW, I'M THINKING ABOUT IT!
( LAUGHTER ) HELLO!
HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME!
WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!
PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
AND IT IS -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪ IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY HERE IN NEW
YORK.
IT'S 85 DEGREES, WITH 75% HUMIDITY, AND THIS AFTERNOON
ANDREW CUOMO RESIGNED!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON
THE BUTT ON THE WAY OUT.
BUT IF IT DOES, THAT DOOR SHOULD ALSO RESIGN.
( LAUGHTER ) FOR NOW, CUOMO'S STILL GOVERNOR,
BECAUSE, FOR REASONS I DON'T UNDERSTAND, CUOMO'S RESIGNATION
WILL TAKE EFFECT IN 14 DAYS.
EVIDENTLY, HE GAVE HIMSELF TWO WEEKS' NOTICE.
( LAUGHTER ) THE RESIGNATION COMES AFTER 11
WOMEN HAVE ACCUSED HIM OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT, RANGING FROM RUNNING
TWO FINGERS ACROSS THE CHEST OF AN ENERGY COMPANY EMPLOYEE, TO
GRABBING THE REAR OF AN UNNAMED EMPLOYEE, TO A FORMER ASSISTANT
WHO SAYS THE GOVERNOR "REACHED UNDER HER BLOUSE AND GRABBED HER
BREAST."
AT THE PRESS CONFERENCE, CUOMO TOOK FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS
ACTIONS.
SORT OF?
>> IN MY MIND, I HAVE NEVER CROSSED THE LINE WITH ANYONE
BUT I DIDN'T REALIZE THE EXTENT TO WHICH THE LINE HAS BEEN
REDRAWN.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) >> STEPHEN: I DON'T KNOW WHAT
LINE HE'S TALKING ABOUT, BUT HOPEFULLY HE'LL EXPLAIN IT IN
HIS NEW BOOK, "ANDREW AND THE PURPLE CRAYON."
( LAUGHTER ) WARNING: THAT'S NOT A CRAYON
( LAUGHTER ) BUT IT IS PURPLE.
( LAUGHTER ) ONE OF THE MORE DISTURBING
DETAILS IN THE ATTORNEY GENERAL'S REPORT WAS THE
ALLEGATION THAT CUOMO HAD HARASSED A MEMBER OF HIS OWN
SECURITY DETAIL.
>> AT PUBLIC EVENTS, TROOPERS WILL OFTEN HOLD DOORS OPEN OR
GUARD THE DOORWAYS.
WHEN I WALK PAST THEM, I OFTEN WILL GIVE THEM A GRIP OF THE
ARM, A PAT ON THE FACE, A TOUCH ON THE STOMACH OR SLAP ON THE
BACK.
IT IS MY WAY OF SAYING I SEE YOU.
I APPRECIATE YOU.
>> Stephen: WOW!
DID YOU WATCH HE REALLY TRIED TO SLIP IN THAT "TOUCH ON THE
STOMACH" AS IF IT'S ALL THE SAME.
(AS CUOMO) "I WOULD OFTEN PAT THEM ON THE
BACK, STROKE THEM ON THE GROIN, GIVE THEM A FRIENDLY SUCK ON THE
TOE.
( LAUGHTER ) THEN THEY MOVED THE LINE!"
SO, EVIDENTLY, HE TOUCHES POLICE OFFICERS ON THE STOMACH.
A TRADITION HE STARTED WITH HIS ORIGINAL CHIEF OF SECURITY,
LARRY POPPIN' FRESH.
( LAUGHTER ) IN A FITTING BIT OF KARMA, 14
DAYS FROM NOW, NEW YORK WILL HAVE ITS FIRST FEMALE GOVERNOR
CURRENT LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR KATHY HOKUL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WOW.
I DID NOT REALIZE HOW MANY HOCHUL FANS THERE WERE OUT
THERE.
HOKUL WILL BE TAKING THE SEAT VACATED BY CUOMO.
HOPEFULLY, AFTER PUTTING A TOWEL DOWN FIRST.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) CUOMO'S ON HIS WAY OUT, BUT
COVID'S MAKING A COMEBACK.
THANKS TO THE DELTA VARIANT, THE U.S. IS AVERAGING OVER 120,000
NEW COVID CASES A DAY, MORE THAN DOUBLE THE LEVELS OF TWO WEEKS
AGO.
AT THIS POINT, THE DELTA VARIANT IS MOVING THROUGH US FASTER THAN
A CHALUPA THROUGH A BASSET HOUND.
( LAUGHTER ) PAINTS A PICTURE, DOESN'T IT?
( LAUGHTER ) ALSO, THE WALL.
( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, ALL THIS COVID NEWS
COMES RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING OF BACK-TO-SCHOOL SEASON.
AND UNLIKE ORIGINAL COVID, THE DELTA VARIANT IS HITTING KIDS
HARD.
THEY CAN'T GET VACCINATED YET, WHICH IS WHY WE NEED MASK
MANDATES.
BUT THAT HAS ENRAGED A LOT OF CONSERVATIVES, LIKE THIS KANSAS
WOMAN WHO SPOKE AT A COUNTY COMMISSIONER'S MEETING.
>> I HAVE A BACHELOR'S DEGREE IN LOGIC, A MASTER'S IN MOTHERHOOD,
BUT MOSTLY I'M BOARD CERTIFIED IN BEING A FREEDOM-LOVING
AMERICAN.
THE U.S. CONSTITUTION WAS DESIGNED TO LIMIT CONTROL OF THE
GOVERNMENT.
WE FOUGHT A CIVIL WAR AND WE ARE NO LONGER SUBJECTS.
>> STEPHEN: I DON'T THINK THAT'S WHAT THAT ONE WAS ABOUT, BUT I
DON'T HAVE MY MASTERS IN MOTHERHOOD.
I'M SORRY.
GO ON.
>> LET'S LOOK AT WHAT ELSE, YOU KNOW, THE C.D.C. RECOMMENDS THAT
I DON'T LISTEN TO.
JUST YESTERDAY, I ATE MY EGGS OVER EASY.
I ATE OYSTERS AT LUNCH.
I HAD A CAESAR SALAD AND A STEAK, AND I ORDERED IT RARE.
>> STEPHEN: HANG ON.
EGGS, OYSTERS, AND A RARE STEAK IN ONE DAY?
FORGET MASK BANS.
WE NEED TO BAN THAT LADY FROM USING THE UPSTAIRS BATHROOM.
( LAUGHTER ) THERE'S ALSO TROUBLE BREWING ON
COLLEGE CAMPUSES, BECAUSE A LOT OF SCHOOLS ARE REQUIRING PROOF
OF VACCINATIONS, SO SOME STUDENTS ARE RUSHING TO GET
FAKE VACCINE CARDS.
NO SURPRISE A BUNCH OF 19-YEAR-OLDS ARE TRYING TO LIE
ABOUT PROTECTION.
(AS COLLEGE BOY) "BABE, I CAN'T GET THE VACCINE.
IT KILLS ALL THE SENSATION FROM THE PROTEIN SPIKES."
( LAUGHTER ) BUT KIDS, IF YOU'RE
UNVACCINATED, I HAVE A HOT HOOKUP FOR A PLACE THAT'S GIVING
OUT VACCINE CARDS.
FOR FREE.
ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS GET A LITTLE POKE IN YOUR ARM, THEN
COME BACK IN THREE WEEKS, DO IT AGAIN, AND YOU'LL GET A CARD
THAT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THE REAL THING.
TRY IT!
IT'S YEET!
( LAUGHTER ) IS IT YEET?
>> Jon: SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
YEET TRYING TO GET OUT OF THERE.
YEET.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: NOW, IF COVID IS
TEMPTING YOU TO LEAVE THE PLANET, I'VE GOT THE
LATEST FROM LOW ORBIT IN MY INTERGALACTIC SEGMENT: SPACE
NEWS: ADVERTISING IN SPACE EDITION!
THERE'S BIG NEWS ABOUT SPACE-X FOUNDER AND FAILED REBOOT OF THE
FONZ, ELON MUSK.
MUSK'S COMPANY PLANS TO PUT BILLBOARDS IN SPACE.
ELON, NO!
MANKIND GAZES UP THE STARS TO WONDER "WHAT'S UP THERE?
WHAT'S MY PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE?"
NOT "WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR A KLONDIKE BAR?"
TURNS OUT IT'S NOT QUITE AS BAD AS THAT HEADLINE WOULD IMPLY.
APPARENTLY, THE PLAN IS TO LAUNCH A SQUARE-SHAPED
SATELLITE, WITH ONE SIDE USED AS A DISPLAY SCREEN, THE
SATELLITE WILL BE EQUIPPED WITH A SELFIE STICK SO IT CAN FILM
THE DISPLAY SCREEN AND THEN LIVE-STREAM THE ADS TO PLATFORMS
LIKE YOUTUBE.
OH GOOD.
USING THE PINNACLE OF HUMAN INGENUITY AND ENGINEERING TO
MAKE MORE OF EVERYONE'S FAVORITE PART OF YOUTUBE: THE ADS.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, I GET WHY A COMPANY MIGHT
WANT ITS AD DISPLAYED WITH EARTH IN THE BACKGROUND.
BUT YOU DON'T NEED YOUR OWN SATELLITE TO DO THAT.
YOU JUST NEED THE BEST GRAPHICS TEAM IN LATE NIGHT.
THAT'S HOW I ALREADY HAVE ADS IN SPACE FOR MY NEW LOLLIPOP
COMPANY: SUCK IT, ELON.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: THAT'S GOOD.
NICE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S REALLY SUCCESSFUL.
THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL, WE DIDN'T STOP AT EARTH.
I ALSO DEFINITELY HAVE ADS FLOATING ABOVE THE SURFACE OF
SATURN.
YOU CAN ALSO GET YOUR AD NEXT TO THE DEATH STAR, BUT IF YOU
REALLY WANT YOUR SPACE AD TO BREAK THROUGH, YOU GOTTA THINK
OUTSIDE THE BOX WITH ONE LIKE THIS:
( SCREAMING ) >> OH, GOD!
>> ♪ 1-877-KARS-4KIDS DONATE YOUR CAR TODAY ♪
>> Stephen: IT'S A BETTER AD.
THAT IMPROVES IT.
THAT'S A BETTER AD.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: THERE'S ONE BRIGHT, HOPEFUL SPOT OF NEWS IN AMERICA.
AND IT'S ALL THANKS TO RESTAURATEUR AND DRUNK PARTY
PORCUPINE, GUY FIERI.
HOP A BUS FOR FLAVOR TOWN, BECAUSE CHEF FIERI HAS A NEW
CULINARY INVENTION: THE "APPLE PIE HOT DOG."
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) THE SENATE'S ALL PROUD OF THEIR
TRILLION DOLLAR BIPARTISAN INFRASTRUCTURE BILL.
BUT THIS PATRIOT BUILT A BRIDGE BETWEEN HOT DOG AND FOOD!
( LAUGHTER ) LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THIS ENTREE
OF FREEDOM: WHOA!
IT'S A HOT DOG POP TART!
FORGET PIGS IN A BLANKET-THESE PIGS HAVE A KING SIZE PASTRY
DUVET!
GUY DIDN'T WORK ALONE ON THIS BEAUTY-IT WAS A SPECIAL COLLAB,
AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THE FULL HEADLINE: "GUY FIERI INVENTS
APPLE PIE HOT DOG WITH CHEVROLET FOR MAJOR LEAGUE
BASEBALL'S FIELD OF DREAMS GAME."
AND WE FOUND IT: THE MOST AMERICAN SENTENCE EVER WRITTEN.
SORRY, "WE THE PEOPLE," THIS' IS OUR CONSTITUTION NOW.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
SADLY, THESE DOGS ARE ONLY AVAILABLE IN IOWA AT THURSDAY'S
"FIELD OF DREAMS" GAME.
BUT IF YOU CAN'T MAKE IT, DON'T WORRY: GUY RELEASED THIS VIDEO
OF HOW TO MAKE YOUR VERY OWN AT HOME:
>> FIRST, PIE CRUST.
THEN SOME BACON JAM, A LITTLE BROWN SUGAR, A LITTLE HONEY, AND
A LITTLE APPLE CIDER VINEGAR.
APPLE PIE FILLING, I IMAGINE YOU PROBABLY HAVE AN AWESOME APPLE
PIE FILLING THAT YOUR GRANDMA USED TO MAKE BUT IF YOU WANNA
GET THAT CANNED STUFF, IT'S FINE TO USE IN THIS.
>> STEPHEN: (AS FIERI) "HELL, PUT THE CAN IN THERE TOO.
YOU CAN'T GO WRONG WITH THIS MAMMA-JAMMA, PACK IT WITH
GARBAGE AND JUST LEAVE A SLOT TO SLIDE THAT DOG IN!"
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THIS IS A MAJOR ACHIEVEMENT IN HOT DOG DESSERTS.
BUT I HAVE ONE SMALL BONE TO PICK WITH FIERI: HE CLAIMS TO
HAVE INVENTED THE PIE DOG, THE TRUTH IS, HE'S NOT THE FIRST.
JIM, ROLL THAT CLIP FROM 2007: >> I'M MORE AMERICAN THAN APPLE
PIE.
I'M LIKE APPLE PIE WITH A HOT DOG IN IT.
SEXY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN" )
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
I'VE SAID IT ONCE AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN: I AM THE
ORIGINAL GUY FIERI.
AND I HAVE BEEN SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.
JUST LOOK AT MY SENIOR PICTURE.
REGARDLESS OF WHO CAME UP WITH IT, A HOT DOG INSIDE AN APPLE
PIE IS BRILLIANT.
I WANT A HOT DOG INSIDE AN APPLE PIE INSIDE STEPHEN COLBERT.
LUCKILY, GUY FIERI SENT ME ONE!
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) HERE WE GO.
THIS IS ACTUALLY SENT FROM MR. P FIERI.
THANK YOU.
NOW, HE'S CONFIDENT I'M GOING TO LOVE IT.
AS HE SAID HIMSELF, "I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE REACTIONS FROM
FANS AS THEY TAKE THEIR FIRST BITE OF THE APPLE PIE HOT DOG!"
WELL, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT, GUY.
'CUZ I'M ABOUT TO TASTE AMERICA.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HERE GOES NOTHING.
MMM.
IT'S LIKE MARTHA WASHINGTON GAVE BIRTH IN MY MOUTH.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS CNN ANCHOR BRIAN STELTER.
WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!"!
STICK AROUND!
♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN," EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
JON -- >> Jon: HEY!
>> Stephen: I SAW YOU EARLIER.
FOR THOSE OF YOU JUST JOINING US EARLIER IN THE ACT, GUY FIERI
SENT US OVER A HOT DOG STUFFED INSIDE AN APPLE PIE,
ESSENTIALLY.
WAS THAT TEMPTING TO YOU AT ALL?
>> Jon: YEAH, I WOULD TAKE A BITE OF IT.
>> Stephen: YEAH, I THINK WE'VE GOT SOME MORE.
WE HAVE MORE OF THOSE, RIGHT?
LET'S GET THIS MAN ONE.
>> Jon: I GOTTA GET ONE.
>> Stephen: WE'LL GET ONE NEXT COMMERCIAL BREAK.
WE'LL DEFINITELY GET YOU ONE.
>> Jon: IS IT GOOD?
HOUSE OF IT?
>> Stephen: I WILL NOT SOON FORGET IT.
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S MEMORY, I MIGHT BE THINKING
ABOUT THAT ON MY DEATH BED.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW, THEY SAY YOUR LIFE --
( LAUGHTER ) THANK YOU, GUY.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR INGENUITY.
WE HAVE BRIAN STELTER COMING UP HERE, CNN'S MEDIA ANALYST COMING
UP.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW
HIS BOOK CAME OUT LAST YEAR CALLED "HOAX" ABOUT FOX NEWS.
THERE'S NEW REVELATIONS ABOUT FOX NEWS ESPECIALLY AFTER THE
INSURGENCY, THE COUP.
>> Jon: YEAH.
>> Stephen: AND I'M GOING TO ASK HIM ABOUT SOME WEIRD VERY
UNCOMFORTABLE STUFF GOING ON WITH CHRIS CUOMO, ONE IMAGINES
RIGHT NOW, BECAUSE HE'S GOT TO REPORT OR NOT REPORT ON HIS
BROTHER BEING GONE.
WHAT'S THAT GOING TO BE LIKE?
THAT'S AN AWKWARD THANKSGIVING.
>> Jon: YEAH, I THINK SO.
LOT OF TENSION IN THAT.
>> Stephen: LOT OF TENSION.
FAMILIES.
>> Jon: YES.
>> Stephen: I'M AGAINST 'EM.
( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I SPENT A LOT OF TIME CAREFULLY RESEARCHING
THE DAY'S MOST CULTURALLY PREPRECIOUS STORIES,
CROSS-REFERENCING HISTORICAL ACCOUNTS WITH TOPOGRAPHICAL
MAPS, AND ASSEMBLING THE FINEST TEAM OF ARCHAEOLOGISTS TO
UNEARTH THE UNESCO WORLD HERITAGE EXCAVATION SITE OF
HUMOR THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, I DISTRACT AN ORPHAN WITH A PIECE OF
LINT-COVERED CANDY AND STEAL THEIR BUCKET AND PAIL, THEN
SNEAK INTO THE POTTER'S FIELD IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT WITH TWO
DRIFTERS I PICKED UP ON THE COMMUTER TRAIN, AND FORCE THEM
TO DIG UP FOR YOU THE ABANDONED PAUPER'S GRAVE
OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: ♪♪
>> MEANWHILE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) "MEANWHILE!," JUST THERE WHEN
YOU ALWAYS NEED IT.
MEANWHILE, PEPSICO INC IS PLANNING TO LAUNCH A MOUNTAIN
DEW-BRANDED ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE, AND I CAN
ONLY HOPE IT WILL BE CALLED "MOUNTAIN DON'T"
( LAUGHTER ) FUN FACT: ACCIDENTALLY SPILLING
ALCOHOL INTO MOUNTAIN DEW WAS HOW THEY DISCOVERED METH.
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, TOY COMPANY MATTEL IS
CURRENTLY GETTING KICKED IN THE TWEETS FOR POSTING THIS IMAGE OF
THEIR DIVERSE OLYMPIC BARBIES.
CONDEMNED FOR RELEASING THEIR INCLUSIVE TOKYO OLYMPICS
COLLECTION WITHOUT ANY VISIBLE ASIAN REPRESENTATION."
LITTLE BIT OF AN OVERSIGHT THERE.
HOW DID THIS PITCH MEETING GO?
(LEADING MEETING) "OKAY, TOKYO.
REPRESENTATION.
LET'S HEAR IDEAS.
WE'LL HAVE A WHITE GIRL, OBVIOUSLY.
BLACK GIRL?
NOW WE'RE COOKING WITH GAS.
WHAT'S THAT, RICK?
A POSSIBLY-ITALIAN GIRL?
I LOVE IT!
WHAT ELSE.
THIS IS TOKYO... TOKYO.
TOKYO.
TOKYO..
THINK, THINK, THINK, SOMETHING THAT REALLY SAYS INCLUSIVE
"TOKYO" OLYMPICS.
YES, BRENDA?
TWO MORE WHITE GIRLS, BOTH BLONDE??
NAILED IT!
WHO WANTS MORE COCAINE?" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, JENNIFER ANISTON HAS REVEALED THAT "SHE EATS JUST ONE
POTATO CHIP OR ONE M&M WHEN SHE'S STRESSED."
( BLEEP ) OFF.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I DON'T MEAN THAT.
I'M JOKING, OBVIOUSLY.
CELEBRITIES: THEY'RE JUST LIKE US... IF BY "US" YOU MEAN ANTS.
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, DISNEY WORLD FINALLY
RELEASED PRICES FOR ITS NEW GALACTIC STARCRUISER STAR WARS
HOTEL, TWO NIGHTS FOR TWO GUESTS IN THIS STUDIO STATEROOM WILL
COST YOU $4,809.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) LET ME JUST CHECK IN WITH MY
ACCOUNTANT TO SEE WHAT HE THINKS.
>> IT'S A TRAP!
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: AND GET READY TO GO
FROM ZERO TO SHOCKED IN LESS THAN 12 PARSECS BECAUSE PRICES
ACTUALLY "GO UP TO $5,299 FOR THAT SAME ROOM IF YOU ROOM IF
YOU ADD A KID."
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) I KNOW THAT SEEMS WAY MORE
EXPENSIVE, BUT REMEMBER, STAYING AT THE STAR WARS HOTEL AS AN
ADULT "WITHOUT" A KID WILL ALSO COST YOU YOUR DIGNITY.
( LAUGHTER ) WHEN WE COME BACK, PRESIDENT
OBAMA AND I GO ONE-ON-ONE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
STICK AROUND!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
>> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
LAST NIGHT, I BROKE THE BIGGEST NEWS STORY OF THE WEEK: THAT I
WAS "DIS-INVITED" TO PRESIDENT OBAMA'S 60TH BIRTHDAY PARTY.
YEAH.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
I WAS SHOCKED... TO HAVE BEEN INVITED IN THE FIRST PLACE
( LAUGHTER ) SCALING ME BACK?
LESS SHOCKED.
I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY MY CLOSE, PERSONAL FRIEND, BARACK, AS HE'S
NEVER INVITED ME TO CALL HIM, MIGHT'VE CUT ME FROM THE LIST.
YOU SEE, WE MET UP LAST YEAR IN WASHINGTON TO DISCUSS HIS
MEMOIR, "A PROMISED LAND."
AND AFTER OUR INTERVIEW, I CHALLENGED HIM TO A FRIENDLY
GAME OF WASTEPAPER-BASKETBALL.
NOW I'M SURE YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED.
BUT FOR ANYONE GETTING UP THERE IN AGE, FOR EXAMPLE 60 YEARS AND
SIX DAYS OLD, I FIGURED I'D REMIND YOU.
SO, PRESIDENT OBAMA, COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO GETTING CUT FROM
YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY, HERE IS YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT: PLEASE
ENJOY US GOING ONE-ON-ONE, FOR THE FIRST TIME WITH A LIVE
STUDIO AUDIENCE TO ENJOY IT.
JIM?
HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF "A PROMISED LAND,"
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA.
MR. PRESIDENT, YOU'RE FAMOUS FOR YOUR COMPETITIVENESS.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE ME ON IN A GAME OF WASTE BASKET BALL.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> STEPHEN: ALL RIGHT, LET'S HIT SOME BASHETS.
>> LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION: DID HE PRACTICE A LOT ON THIS
WHOLE WASTE BASKET BASKETBALL IDEA?
HAS HE BEEN PRACTICING, LIKE, ALL MONTH FOR THIS.
>> STEPHEN: NO!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE SOME PRACTICE SHOTS FIRST?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE SOME PRACTICE SHOTS.
>> I DON'T NEED PRACTICE SHOTS.
AGAINST YOU?
>> STEPHEN: ALL RIGHT, BASKET'S RIGHT OVER THERE.
INSIDE YOUR THING OVER HERE.
>> OH, I ALREADY HAVE MY-- YOU.
>> STEPHEN: ALREADY HAVE YOURS RIGHT THERE.
THERE ARE 10 PAPER BALLS.
YOURS IS A YELLOW LEGAL PAD, WHICH I BELIEVE IS HOW YOU WROTE
YOUR BOOK.
>> WHAT IS YOURS?
>> STEPHEN: I HAVE BLUE SCRIPT PAPER.
>> HOW COME IT SEEMS LIKE YOURS IS CRUMPLED UP MORE.
>> STEPHEN: BECAUSE I SQUEEZED THEM.
>> NOT ONLY DID YOU PRACTICE-- LOOK AT THIS ONE-- LOOK AT THIS
ONE COMPARED TO YOURS.
IT'S ALL -- >> STEPHEN: TAKE A MOMENT.
TAKE A MOMENT.
>> AND...
>> STEPHEN: DO YOU WANT TO TRADE BALLS?
>> NO, BUT I JUST THINK AS A MATTER OF PRINCIPLE, THE FACT
THAT YOU DIDN'T...
>> STEPHEN: SO HERE IT IS.
IT'S JUST 10.
>> ARE WE TIMING THIS OR ARE YOU JUST GOING TO GO "10."
AND THEN I GO TEN.
>> STEPHEN: WE CAN SHOOT AT THE SAME TIME, IF YOU WANT.
>> I JUST DON'T TRUST YOU.
ALL RIGHT, COME ON, LET'S GO.
>> STEPHEN: DO YOU WANT TO MAKE IT INTERESTING?
IF-- IF I WIN, YOU HAVE TO MENTION ME IN YOUR NEXT BOOK.
>> AND WHAT IF I WIN.
>> STEPHEN: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
>> NOBODY'S GOING TO READ YOUR BOOK ANYWAY, SO.
/ ( LAUGHTER ) IT DOESN'T MATTER.
I'M NOT GOING TO LOSE.
YOU READY.
>> STEPHEN: HOW ABOUT THIS: HOW ABOUT I'LL MAKE A DONATION TO
YOUR LIBRARY.
>> NOW, THAT-- THAT IS IS WORTH-- WORTH-- IS THIS AN EQUAL
DISTANCE, BY THE WAY?
>> STEPHEN: THEY MEASURED IS OUT.
>> ALL RIGHT.
READY?
>> STEPHEN: YUP.
>> WE'RE TERRIBLE!
( BELL RINGS ).
>> STEPHEN: PRESSURE'S ON.
>> OH!
>> STEPHEN: YOU GOTTA-- ( BELL RINGS ).
>> STEPHEN: OH, NO!
>> OH, MAN!
( BELL RINGS ).
>> STEPHEN: IT'S WHAT I DO!
IT'S WHAT I DO!
>> IT'S NOT FINISHED YET.
HOW MANY MORE HAVE YOU GOT?
>> STEPHEN: I GOT FIVE MORE OVER HERE.
>> I HAVE TO MAKE AT LEAST THESE LAST THREE.
>> I'M SPENDING ALL MY TIME CRUMPLING MY BALLS HERE.
ALL RIGHT.
OH!
THAT WAS SO CLOSE.
( BELL RINGS ) COLBERT, I'M GETTING CRUSHED.
( LAUGHS ) ( BELL RINGS )
OH, MAN!
( BELL RINGS ) >> OH!
OH!
( BELL RINGS ) >> STEPHEN: WOOOOO!
>> I DIDN'T EVEN HIT ONE.
HOW AM I GOING TO LIVE THIS DOWN?
HOLD ON A SECOND.
I GOT ONE MORE.
>> STEPHEN: THIS IS FOR EVERYTHING.
OH!
( BELL RINGS ) >> STEPHEN: YOU LET ME WIN.
>> NO, LOOK AT ME.
/ ( LAUGHTER ) ALL RIGHT.
>> STEPHEN: THAT MADE THIS MY BEST INTERVIEW OF ALL TIME.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
I WILL NEVER-- I'VE LOST MY SWAG ON "STEPHEN COLBERT."
>> Stephen: REALLY, VERY LAST QUESTION, NOT A QUESTION, JUST A
STATEMENT -- THANK YOU FOR BEING PRESIDENT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: THANK YOU AGAIN TO
PRESIDENT OBAMA -- AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SIR.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CNN ANCHOR BRIAN STELTER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK!
FOLKS -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS CNN'S CHIEF
MEDIA CORRESPONDENT AND THE ANCHOR OF "RELIABLE SOURCES."
PLEASE WELCOME, BRIAN STELTER!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
>> CAN I GET A STUDIO AUDIENCE FOR MY SHOW?
>> Stephen: YOU SHOULD.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY ANYBODY'S ON TV WITHOUT PEOPLE CHANTING
THEIR NAME.
( LAUGHTER ) IT SEEMS LIKE A WASTE OF CAMERA
SPECIAL EDUCATION.
NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE, MR. STELTER.
BIG NEWS TODAY -- >> WHAT?
>> Stephen: GOVERNOR CUOMO RESIGNS.
AS A MEDIA PROFESSIONAL, AS A COMMUNICATIONS ANALYST, WHAT DID
YOU MAKE OF HIS SPEECH?
>> WELL, I WAS SLEEPING.
I TOOK A NAP.
I SLEPT THROUGH IT.
MY KIDS GET UP AT 5:00 A.M.
BY NOON, I GET EXHAUSTED.
I SAW HE WAS ABOUT TO GIVE A SPEECH AND I THOUGHT, HE'S NOT
GOING TO RESIGN SO I WENT TO SLEEP.
>> Stephen: YOU HIT THE HAY.
NO WAY HE WAS GOING TO RESIGN.
YOU KNOW THE IDEAS TRUMP WAS GOING TO GET CARRIED OUT OF THE
WHITE HOUSE HANGING ON TO THE DESK, I THOUGHT THAT WAS GOING
TO BE QUOAM O. THEN I WAKE UP AND MY WIFE IS TELLING ME TO
WAKE UP, COME SEE THE SPEECH.
I THOUGHT HE BURIED THE LEAD.
HE WENT ONBOUND ONBOUND ON AND THEN MENTIONED HE WAS RESIGNING,
THAT'S BAD PRACTICE.
>> Stephen: AND THEN WENT OFF OF THAT INTO THE LEGACY OF HOW
NEW YORK BEAT COVID WITH THE IMPLICATION OF HE LED US THROUGH
THE COVID CRISIS, SO SOME OF IT WAS ABOUT HIS LEGACY, THEN.
>> TRUE.
I WAS GLAD YOU SHOWED A MONTAGE SO I WAS ABLE TO GET A SENSE OF
THE FULL EXPERIENCE.
>> Stephen: MY UNDERSTANDING IS MOST CNN ANCHORS GET THEIR
NEWS FROM THE SHEA WITH STEPHEN COLBERT.
YOU GUYS JUST REPACKAGE WHAT I DO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
NOW IN A SMALL WAY, YOUR NETWORK IS INVOLVED IN THE STORY BECAUSE
THE GOVERNOR'S BROTHER CHRIS CUOMO HAS HIS SHOW "THE CUOMO
ZONE "-- .
>> IS THAT WHAT IT'S CALLED?
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW.
"CUOMO PRIME TIME."
>> Stephen: "360 CUOMOS."
( LAUGHTER ) AND THE "NEW YORK TIMES" SAID HE
WAS GOING TO GET DROPPED BECAUSE IT WAS ALLEGED HE WAS HELPING
HIS BROTHER WITH THE COMMUNICATIONS TEAM.
ARE PEOPLE MAD AT HIM OR IS HE IN TROUBLE?
>> THEY ARE MAD AT HIM.
I'LL CONFIRM THE "NEW YORK TIMES" REPORT.
I ALSO HAVE A SOURCE THAT SAYS CHRIS WAS ON THE PHONE WITH HIS
BROTHER.
>> Stephen: IS YOUR SOURCE CHRIS CUOMO?
>> HE IS NOT.
HE IS NOT.
YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE BOUNDARIES AND DRAW LINES.
>> Stephen: HE DOESN'T.
I THINK HE DOES, ACTUALLY.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
I THINK CHRIS DOES, NOT THE GOVERNOR.
>> Stephen: WHAT ARE THE BOUNDARIES?
>> THE BOUNDARY CNN MANAGEMENT PRESENTED HIM IN MAY WHEN HE
ADMITTED HE SCREWED UP, IT WAS APPROPRIATE, YOU'RE ON THE PHONE
WITH YOUR BROTHER'S AIDES ADVISING HIM WHAT TO DO.
OF COURSE THEY'RE GOING TO TALK TO YOUR BROTHER.
>> Stephen: THEY DIDN'T TALK TO HIS BROTHER ONCE THE TROUBLE
STARTED.
>> THAT WAS ALSO A MANAGEMENT RULING.
>> Stephen: WHY DIDN'T THEY RULE THAT WAY WHEN HIS BROTHER
WAS ON THE SHOW EVERY NIGHT DURING THE COVID.
SEEMS LIKE AN ODD CONFLICT OF RULES.
>> IT IS, BUT IF WE OPEN UP THE JOURNALISM ETHICS BOOK, THERE'S
NO PAGE FOR THIS.
IT'S A CRAZY SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES, A GOVERNOR AND
BROTHER BOTH IN THESE HIGH-PROFILE JOBS, DEFINITELY
AWKWARD FOR CNN.
I TRIED TO THINK, IF I WAS GOING TO COVER THIS AT CBS HOW WOULD I
COVER IT AND COVER IT THE SAME WAY.
I TALKED TO A LOT OF SOURCES AT CNN AND SOME SAID I'M MAD AT
CHRIS, OTHERS SAID YOU CAN'T PICK YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS.
WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, WE COVER THE STORY ON AIR THE SAME AS ANY
OTHER STORY.
ULTIMATELY, ISN'T THAT WHAT MATTERS?
>> Stephen: THE PAPERBACK IS OUT OF YOUR BOOK "HOAX," DONALD
TRUMP AND THE DANGEROUS DOES TORSION OF TRUTH.
THIS HAS A WHOLE BUNCH OF NEW INFORMATION IN HERE.
WHY IS THERE SO MUCH MORE IN THIS PAPERBACK VERSION THAN A
YEAR AGO WHEN THIS WAS RELEASED IN 2020.
>> I HAD TO ADD 12 CHAPTERS BECAUSE OF THE ELECTION AND THE
RIOT AND THE BIG LIE AND THE AFTERMATH.
FOX IS FUNDAMENTALLY DIFFERENT THAN EVEN A YEAR AGO.
I THINK TRUMP'S LOSS OR WHAT THEY THINK WAS, YOU KNOW, A
STEAL, IT FUNDAMENTALLY CHANGED FOX AND RADICALIZED THE NETWORK.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GET PEOPLE FROM FOX TO TALK TO YOU ON
BACKGROUND.
>> ABOUT 250 PEOPLE IN AND AROUND FOX, A LOT OF STAFFERS
INSIDE WHO CAME TO ME BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO BLOW THE WHISTLE.
THEY ARE DISTURBED BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENS ON AIR.
THEY THINK THERE'S NO ONE IN CHARGE.
EVEN THE MURDOCHS WHO OWN THE JOINT DON'T SEEM TO BE IN
CHARGE.
>> Stephen: ROGER AILES, WHEN HE WAS CHARGE, IT WASN'T ALL
SWEETNESS AND A DEDICATION TO THE TRUTH, IT WAS STILL WE'RE
GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT THE TO HEAR IN ORDER TO SELL
SOME SOAP.
>> YES, AND THIS WAS CREEPY WHEN I INTERVIEWED STAFFERS AT FOX,
THEY MISSED AILES BECAUSE, YES, HE WAS ABUSIVE, BUT HE WAS THE
BOSS AND IN CHARGE.
>> Stephen: YOU KNEW WHERE YOU STOOD AND DECISIONS GOT STOOD
BY.
>> AND SOME STANDARDS AILES HAD WENT OUT THE WINDOW.
AILES WAS NOT A BIG FAN OF TRUMP, AND AILES WAS OUSTED FIVE
YEARS AGO WHICH LEADS US ALL TO CUOMO RESIGNING.
THE #metoo MOVEMENT, ALL OF THIS RECKONING STARTS WITH
GREMPEN CARLSEN SUING ROGER AILES FIVE YEARS AGO.
>> Stephen: IS THERE ANYTHING POSITIVE PEOPLE HAD TO SAY ABOUT
FOX BEHIND THE SCENES?
BECAUSE I KNOW SOME PEOPLE WHO WORK OVER THERENS, AND IF YOU
CAN PUT ASIDE THE ABUSE -- WHICH I KNOW THERE'S NO NEED TO PUT IT
ASIDE -- PEOPLE SAY IT WAS A GREAT PLACE TO WORK.
WHAT IS GREAT ABOUT IT?
>> THEY TAKE CARE OF THEIR TALENT, DEFEND THEIR PEOPLE, THE
QUALITY TO HAVE THE PRODUCTION IS STRONG.
WATCH FOX WITH THE SOUNDOFF THE WAY AILES TOLD PEOPLE TO.
>> Stephen: I TRY TO.
( LAUGHTER ) >> AND IT'S A RATHER COMPELLING
TEES OF PELVIS.
BUT THE PLACE HAS BEEN RADICALIZED.
IT'S OKAY IN NORMAL POLITICS, BUT WHEN WE'RE IN A PANDEMIC AND
THEY'RE PUSHING VACCINE MISINFORMATION, THAT'S BEYOND
THE PALE.
>> Stephen: WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?
A LOT OF THE VIEWERS ARE -- >> OLD?
>> Stephen: -- AGED AMERICA AND DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A GREAT
BUSINESS MODEL TO KILL YOUR VIEWER.
>> I WOULDN'T RUN A BUSINESS THAT WAY.
FOX HAS AN AUTOMATIC CONTRARYISM.
WHATEVER BIDEN SAYS OR STEPHEN COLBERT SAYS, DO THE OPPOSITE.
THAT WORKS DEBATING INFRASTRUCTURE, BUT NOT A
PANDEMIC.
WHEN THEY HEAR THE EXPERTS, THEY FEEL THE OPPOSITE IS THE ANSWER.
THE CONTRARYISM HURTS THE VIEWERS.
>> Stephen: HAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE FOR THIS PAPERBACK
VERSION HERE WITH ALL OF THE NEW INFORMATION, YOU SPOKE TO A LOT
OF PEOPLE, I ASSUME, SINCE THE INSURRECTION.
>> YEAH, I FOLLOWED UP WITH PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: DO THE PEOPLE THERE ACTUALLY THINK IT WAS
STOLEN OR ARE THEY JUST SELLING THE PRODUCT THEY THINK THEIR
CLIENT WANTS?
>> THEY ARE SELLING THE PRODUCT.
BY THE WAY, SOME OF MY SOURCES HAVE LEFT BECAUSE THEY CAN'T
TAKE IT ANYMORE.
SO THE PEOPLE WHO STAY ARE MORE LIKELY TO BE TRUE BELIEVERS, BUT
THEY ARE JUST SELLING THE PRODUCT.
I THINK FOX HAS LOST CONTROL OF THE MONSTER THATTETH CREATED.
THEY ARE SCARED OF THEIR VIEWERS.
I'M NOT SCARED OF MY VIEWERS.
ARE YOU?
>> Stephen: I'M TERRIFIED OF THEM.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) TERRIFIED.
( PIANO RIFF ) WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
>> I THINK WHEN -- ( LAUGHTER )
I'M NOT SCARED OF MY VIEWERS, STEPHEN, BUT THEN AGAIN, I DON'T
HAVE A STUDIO AUDIENCE.
>> Stephen: YES.
I THINK THEY ARE SCARED TO TURN OFF THEIR VIEWERS.
THEY KNOW THERE'S MORE RADICAL POSITIONS, NEWSMAX, ONE AMERICA
NEWS.
THERE ARE THESE CHANNELS THAT ARE EVEN WILDER AROUND IF THEY
REPORT THE NEWS IN THE SAME WAY THEY FEAR THEY WILL TURN THE
CHANNEL.
THEY'RE AFRAID OF THEIR VIEWERS.
>> Stephen: HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN ON?
>> 25 YEARS.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FOX.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WHEN DID IT BECOME -
IT IS RIGHT NOW?
>> I THINK IT'S WHEN AILES IS PUSHED OUT FOR ALL THE RIGHT
REASONS, BUT THEN THERE'S A LEADERSHIP VACUUM AND IT GOES
DOWNHILL FROM THERE.
THE PANDEMIC DOESN'T HELP.
WHEN EVERYONE IS BROADCASTING FROM HOME, THAT MAKES IT WORSE,
THE LEADERSHIP VACUUM BECAME EVEN MORE OBVIOUS.
>> Stephen: BRIAN, LOVELY TO MEET YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: >> STEPHEN: HIS BOOK "HOAX" IS
AVAILABLE NOW.
BRIAN STELTER, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY BIG RED MACHINE.
>> WE WILL MAKE OUR OWN HEALTH CHOICES.
WE WILL NOT SHOW YOU A PASSPORT.
WE WILL NOT WEAR A MASK.
WE WILL NOT BE FORCED INTO RANDOM SCREENINGS AND TESTINGS
SO YOU CAN CONTINUE YOUR DRUNK WITH POWER REIGN OVER THE
CAPITOL.
>> YEAH, AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO WHEEL AROUND MY RANDOMLY FIRING
IN ALL DIRECTIONS DEADLY LASER BLASTER WHEREVER I WANT.
YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO TURN OFF THE BLASTER, BUT ONLY BECAUSE I
AM FREELY CHOOSING TO.
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.
PERFORMING "PHOENIX" FROM THEIR FORTHCOMING ALBUM, "HOW LONG DO
YOU THINK IT'S GONNA LAST," WITH ROBIN PECKNOLD AND ANAÏS
MITCHELL, BIG RED MACHINE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
♪ ♪ ♪ >> ♪ OUT IN THE LOADING BAY
LIGHT ♪ WATCHING THE FOG RECEDE
DIVIDED THE FLAME ♪ YOU SLOWLY GAVE TO ME
SIGN UNDERNEATH IN MY MIND ♪ BUT I ONLY CAUGHT YOU THE ONE
TIME ♪ LATER, I'D WATCH YOU AND
WONDER WHAT IT WAS LIKE ♪ HOW DO YOU BEAR THE FULL
WEIGHT?
♪ HOW DOES THE LONG WAY FEEL KNEADING YOUR HAND TOO TIGHT
♪ AGAINST THE WHEEL?
HOW DO YOU STAY IN THAT TOWER?
♪ HOW DO YOU RECKON YOUR OWN POWER?
♪ HOW DOES THE WHEEL NOT TURN HOUR ON HOUR ON HOUR?
♪ I WAS TRYING TO FIND MY WAY I WAS THINKING MY MIND WAS MADE
♪ BUT YOU WERE MAKING MY HEART CHANGE SHAPE
♪ IT'S ALL THAT I COULD TAKE I WAS TRYING TO FIND MY WAY
♪ I WAS THINKING MY MIND WAS MADE
♪ BUT YOU WERE MAKING MY HEART CHANGE SHAPE
♪ IT'S ALL THAT I COULD TAKE ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
HOW DO YOU BEAR THE FULL WEIGHT?
♪ HOW DOES THE LONG WAY FEEL KNEADING YOUR HAND TOO TIGHT
♪ AGAINST THE WHEEL?
HOW DO YOU STAY IN THAT TOWER?
♪ HOW DO YOU RECKON YOUR OWN POWER?
♪ HOW DOES THE WHEEL NOT TURN HOUR ON HOUR ON HOUR?
♪ I WAS TRYING TO FIND MY WAY I WAS THINKING MY MIND WAS MADE
♪ BUT YOU WERE MAKING MY HEART CHANGE SHAPE
♪ IT'S ALL THAT I COULD TAKE NOW I WAS TRYING TO FIND MY WAY
♪ I WAS THINKING MY MIND WAS MADE
♪ BUT YOU WERE MAKING MY HEART CHANGE SHAPE
♪ IT'S ALL THAT I COULD TAKE NOW I WAS TRYING TO FIND MY WAY
♪ I WAS THINKING MY MIND WAS MADE
♪ BUT YOU WERE MAKING MY HEART CHANGE SHAPE
♪ IT'S ALL THAT I COULD TAKE NOW I WAS TRYING TO FIND MY WAY
♪ I WAS THINKING MY MIND WAS MADE
♪ BUT YOU WERE MAKING MY HEART CHANGE SHAPE
♪ IT'S ALL THAT I COULD TAKE NOW HOW DO YOU STAY IN THAT TOWER?
♪ HOW DOES THE LONG WAY FEEL?
HOW DOES THE WHEEL NOT TURN ♪ HOUR ON HOUR ON HOUR?
I WAS TRYING TO FIND MY WAY ♪ I WAS THINKING MY MIND WAS
MADE ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU.
THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
THANKS SO MUCH.
BIG RED MACHINE, EVERYBODY!
CHECK OUT ANOTHER SONG FROM THEM AT: COLBERTLATESHOW.COM!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE ALAN ALDA AND COMEDIAN
GABRIEL IGLESIAS.
GOODNIGHT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪