1 00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:03,670 >> DR. ANTHONY FAUCI SAYING THIS MORNING, TALKING ABOUT THE 2 00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:06,406 DANGERS OF DISINFORMATION. 3 00:00:06,473 --> 00:00:07,574 TAKE A LISTEN. 4 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:11,544 >> PROBABLY WOULD STILL HAVE SMALLPOX AND WE PROBABLY WOULD 5 00:00:11,611 --> 00:00:15,081 STILL HAVE POLIO IN THIS COUNTRY IF WE HAD THE KIND OF FALSE 6 00:00:15,148 --> 00:00:19,519 INFORMATION THAT'S BEING SPREAD NOW. 7 00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:21,621 IF WE HAD THAT BACK DECADES AGO, I WOULD BE CERTAIN THAT WE WOULD 8 00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:26,126 STILL HAVE POLIO IN THIS COUNTRY. 9 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:30,397 >> THE Facebook VARIETY HOUR PRESENTS VAX-SCREAM! 10 00:00:30,463 --> 00:00:33,099 THE POLIO VACCINE CONTINUES ITS ROLLOUT, BUT WHAT DO WE REALLY 11 00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:35,502 KNOW ABOUT IT? 12 00:00:35,568 --> 00:00:38,705 SURE, SCIENCE SAYS IT'S EFFECTIVE, BUT THEY ALSO SAID 13 00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:42,008 THIS WAS THE FUTURE OF THE AIR TRAVEL! 14 00:00:42,075 --> 00:00:44,677 AND LOOK HOW THIN THOSE VACCINE NEEDLES ARE -- COULD THEY BE 15 00:00:44,744 --> 00:00:47,547 MADE FROM THE WHISKERS OF STALIN'S MUSTACHE? 16 00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:51,084 AND I HEAR EVERY TIME I SAY IT THAT THE VACCINE CONTAINS 17 00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:55,688 MINIATURE RADIO TRANSMITTERS SO NOW THAT HUMANS CAN TRACK YOUR 18 00:00:55,755 --> 00:00:59,559 CHILDREN AND USE THEIR HULA HOOPS AS MISSILE TARGETS! 19 00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:05,064 WILL THE VACCINE LEAVE YOU STERILE AND MAGNETIZED? 20 00:01:05,131 --> 00:01:07,534 SO NO MATTER HOW ATTRACTED YOU ARE, YOU WILL NEVER IMPREGNATE A 21 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,102 REFRIGERATOR. 22 00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:11,771 SO LET THIS BE A WARNING, AMERICA -- DON'T LET DR. SALK 23 00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:15,074 MIND CONTROL YOU. 24 00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:18,111 PICK UP A "DON'T SALK MY SOUTH DAKOTA" BUTTON TODAY! 25 00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:19,813 THIS MESSAGE BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF IRON 26 00:01:19,879 --> 00:01:21,981 LUNG MANUFACTURERS. 27 00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:30,623 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! 28 00:01:30,690 --> 00:01:36,196 TONIGHT, STEPHEN WELCOMES JOY REID! 29 00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:41,401 AND MUSICAL GUEST ALESSIA CARA, FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY 30 00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:42,602 HUMAN." 31 00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:46,372 AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 32 00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:55,548 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 33 00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:56,249 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 34 00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:59,519 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 35 00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:07,560 NICE TO SEE YOU. 36 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:17,804 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S BEAUTIFUL! 37 00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,138 PLEASE HAVE A SEAT! 38 00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:21,641 SIT, SIT, SIT! 39 00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:22,108 SIT, EVERYBODY! 40 00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:23,343 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 41 00:02:23,409 --> 00:02:27,213 WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW," I'M YOUR SHOWS, STEPHEN 42 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:28,781 COLBERT. 43 00:02:28,848 --> 00:02:31,184 I HOPE -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 44 00:02:31,251 --> 00:02:31,718 FEELING GOOD? 45 00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:32,719 >> Jon: FEELING GREAT. 46 00:02:32,785 --> 00:02:33,553 >> Stephen: I HOPE EVERYBODY HAD A GREAT WEEKEND. 47 00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,421 YESTERDAY I HAD A LOVELY DAY. 48 00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:39,926 EVIE AND I WEREN'T TO A PLACE ON THE HUDSON RIVER, WHAT'S IT 49 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:43,496 CALLED, LITTLE ISLAND, WHICH IS A SMALL LITTLE MANMADE ISLAND 50 00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:47,901 THEY'VE GOT THERE. 51 00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:52,805 IT'S KIND OF BEAUTIFUL JUST TO SEE HOW IT'S BUILT, YOU KNOW, 52 00:02:52,872 --> 00:02:54,140 TOOK IN SOME FRESH AIR. 53 00:02:54,207 --> 00:02:55,008 >> Jon: OH, YEAH. 54 00:02:55,074 --> 00:02:57,911 >> Stephen: TOOK IN THE BEAUTIFUL VIEWS. 55 00:02:57,977 --> 00:03:04,417 YOU KNOW, TESTED OUT WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO FLEE FROM 56 00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:06,986 HUMANITY OFF THE ISLAND. 57 00:03:07,053 --> 00:03:09,689 YOU COULD BLOW THE BRIDGE, CUT OFF FROM THE LAND. 58 00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:12,425 YOU HAVE FIELDS, YOU COULD GROW CORN. 59 00:03:12,492 --> 00:03:15,061 THE HUDSON RIVER IS TECHNICALLY A WATER SOURCE. 60 00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:16,596 ( LAUGHTER ) AD THE REASON I'M THINKING 61 00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:19,632 ABOUT ABANDONING HUMANITY IS, REMEMBER 62 00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,901 THAT PANDEMIC WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE COMING OUT OF? 63 00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:22,969 WELL, DON'T SUPPOSE TOO FAST. 64 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:32,512 BECAUSE COVID CASES ARE RISING IN ALL 50 U.S. STATES. 65 00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:39,118 ( BOOING ) THAT'S WHERE I LIVE! 66 00:03:39,185 --> 00:03:41,254 WE COULD SEE A RETURN TO PANDEMIC LOCKDOWNS, BECAUSE IN 67 00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:42,789 JUST ONE WEEK, U.S. COVID INFECTIONS ROSE NEARLY 70 68 00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:44,624 PERCENT. 69 00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:45,258 NO! 70 00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:48,828 NO! 71 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:51,331 I WON'T GIVE UP MY AUDIENCE EVEN -- 72 00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:52,231 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NEVER! 73 00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:52,699 NEVER! 74 00:03:52,765 --> 00:03:54,267 >> Jon: WE CAN'T! 75 00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:57,003 WE CAN'T GIVE THAT UP! 76 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,272 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: WHOA! 77 00:03:59,339 --> 00:04:00,873 WHOO! 78 00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:02,041 WHOO! 79 00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:06,746 >> Stephen: I DON'T CARE IF THEY HAVE TO BE NOTHING BUT A 80 00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:07,580 BROOM WITH GOOGLY EYES. 81 00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:12,819 THIS GUY KNOWS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 82 00:04:12,885 --> 00:04:19,959 ( LAUGHTER ) IT'S NOT EVEN SWEEPS WEEK. 83 00:04:20,026 --> 00:04:21,227 ( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF ) 84 00:04:21,294 --> 00:04:23,630 THANK YOU. 85 00:04:23,696 --> 00:04:24,464 THANK YOU. 86 00:04:24,530 --> 00:04:25,098 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 87 00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:27,567 THAT'S THE SHOW, EVERYBODY. 88 00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:30,870 GOOD NIGHT. 89 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:33,773 ( APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 90 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:37,276 IT'S ALL DUE TO THE SPREAD OF THE DELTA VARIANT. 91 00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:39,646 THE DELTA VARIANT SOUNDS LIKE A FRAT HOUSE THAT'S A DISEASE 92 00:04:39,712 --> 00:04:41,247 VECTOR. 93 00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,383 SO, A FRAT HOUSE. 94 00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:47,387 ( LAUGHTER ) THE DELTA STRAIN IS MORE 95 00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:49,722 TRANSMISSIBLE THAN ANY OTHER VARIANT BECAUSE IT HAS MULTIPLE 96 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,891 MUTATIONS. 97 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,127 AND NOT ONE OF THEM INCLUDES MUTTON CHOPS AND ADAMANTINIUM 98 00:04:54,193 --> 00:04:58,097 CLAWS. 99 00:04:58,164 --> 00:05:04,804 THE SURGE OF COVID CASES HAS LED LOS ANGELES COUNTY TO REINSTATE 100 00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:07,740 INDOOR MASK REQUIREMENTS FOR EVERYONE REGARDLESS OF 101 00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:11,511 VACCINATION STATUS. 102 00:05:11,577 --> 00:05:16,449 TYPICAL LOS ANGELES, EVEN THE VIRUS IS PITCHING A SEQUEL. 103 00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:22,989 ONE MAJOR FACTOR KEEPING PEOPLE FROM GETTING VACCINATED IS THE 104 00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,190 LIES AND MISINFORMATION THEY READ ON SOCIAL MEDIA, ESPECIALLY 105 00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:25,324 FACEBOOK. 106 00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:26,559 U.S. SURGEON GENERAL DR VIVAYK MORTHY WARNED THAT HEALTH 107 00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:30,229 MISINFORMATION IS A SERIOUS THREAT TO PUBLIC HEALTH. 108 00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:33,266 MAKES YOU MISS THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHEN FACEBOOK'S PRIMARY FUNCTION 109 00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:35,635 WAS HELPING YOU FIND UNFLATTERING PICTURES OF YOUR 110 00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:39,272 EX'S NEW BOYFRIEND. 111 00:05:39,338 --> 00:05:40,239 CARGO SHORTS? 112 00:05:40,306 --> 00:05:44,711 THERE'S NO WAY DIANE'S HAPPY WITH HIM. 113 00:05:44,777 --> 00:05:51,250 ( LAUGHTER ) THEN WHY IS SHE SMILING? 114 00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:59,325 ( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO TWINKLE ) 115 00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:01,060 COVID IS ALSO CAUSING A LOT OF TROUBLE FOR THE OLYMPICS, OR AS 116 00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:02,495 I'M CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGED TO CALL THEM: THE PERFECT TWO WEEK 117 00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:03,663 PERIOD FOR YOU TO ENJOY CLASSIC BLUE BLOODS RERUNS. 118 00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:07,667 ONLY CBS. 119 00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:14,373 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE GAMES ARE SET TO BEGIN IN 120 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:15,875 TOKYO ON FRIDAY, BUT AS OF TODAY, THE NUMBER OF COVID CASES 121 00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:21,214 LINKED TO THE OLYMPICS HAS RISEN TO 61. 122 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,683 I SAID IT BEFORE, I'LL SAY IT AGAIN: IT WAS WRONG TO MAKE 123 00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:27,253 TONSIL HOCKEY AN OLYMPIC SPORT. 124 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:28,855 ( LAUGHTER ) AT THIS RATE, THERE'S NOT GOING 125 00:06:28,921 --> 00:06:30,957 TO BE ANY HEALTHY HUMANS LEFT TO COMPETE IN THE GAMES. 126 00:06:31,023 --> 00:06:33,226 SO CONGRATULATIONS IN ADVANCE TO THIS YEAR'S GOLD MEDALIST IN 127 00:06:33,292 --> 00:06:39,232 BOXING: THE BLUE ROCK 'EM SOCK 'EM ROBOT. 128 00:06:39,298 --> 00:06:43,903 ( LAUGHTER ) OLYMPIC ORGANIZERS ARE DOING 129 00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:45,271 EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO PREVENT THE SPREAD OF COVID. 130 00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:47,673 LIKE IN THE OLYMPIC VILLAGE, WHERE WE LEARNED ATHLETES WILL 131 00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:51,444 HAVE TO SLEEP ON BEDS THAT ARE ALLEGEDLY DESIGNED TO COLLAPSE 132 00:06:51,511 --> 00:06:55,681 UNDER THE WEIGHT OF ANY MORE THAN ONE OCCUPANT IN ORDER TO 133 00:06:55,748 --> 00:07:01,788 DISCOURAGE SEX. 134 00:07:01,854 --> 00:07:04,357 ( LAUGHTER ) YES. 135 00:07:04,423 --> 00:07:05,158 YEAH. 136 00:07:05,224 --> 00:07:07,627 BECAUSE WE KNOW IF THERE'S ONE THING 137 00:07:07,693 --> 00:07:09,262 WORLD-CLASS ATHLETES CAN'T DO, IT'S HAVE SEX IN UNUSUAL 138 00:07:09,328 --> 00:07:11,697 POSITIONS. 139 00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:23,342 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 140 00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:26,479 JUST BE SURE TO STICK THE LANDING. 141 00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:27,580 ( LAUGHTER ) SO LET'S SEE THIS ANTI-SEX BED: 142 00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:31,684 WOW! 143 00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:34,821 EVERY EXPENSE WAS SPARED. 144 00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:35,888 ( LAUGHTER ) IT LOOKS LIKE THEY BUILT AN IKEA 145 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:39,592 WARDROBE, THEN MADE A BED OUT OF THE BOX IT CAME IN. 146 00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:43,596 ( LAUGHTER ) SO FAR, ATHLETES DO NOT SEEM 147 00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:44,630 DETERRED FROM GETTIN' IT ON. 148 00:07:44,697 --> 00:07:51,270 AS AMERICAN TRACK STAR PAUL CHELEEMO NOTED, WHILE 149 00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:55,675 THE BEDS HAVE A WEIGHT RESTRICTION OF 440 POUNDS, I SEE 150 00:07:55,741 --> 00:08:03,049 NO PROBLEM FOR DISTANCE RUNNERS, EVEN FOUR OF US CAN DO. 151 00:08:03,115 --> 00:08:03,749 FOUR. 152 00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:07,687 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FOUR. 153 00:08:07,753 --> 00:08:11,691 WORD OF WARNING: YOU DON'T WANNA HAVE SEX WITH DISTANCE RUNNERS. 154 00:08:11,757 --> 00:08:15,494 THEY'RE ALWAYS TRYING TO GET THEIR TIME DOWN, THEIR NIPPLES 155 00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:19,665 BLEED, AND YOU HAVE TO GIVE 'EM A CUP OF WATER IN THE MIDDLE. 156 00:08:19,732 --> 00:08:24,871 ( LAUGHTER ) ONE OLYMPIAN, IRISH GYMNAST RHYS 157 00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:26,973 MCCLENAGAN, WENT SO FAR AS TO TEST OUT THE STRUCTURAL 158 00:08:27,039 --> 00:08:27,740 INTEGRITY OF THE BED. 159 00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:33,246 TAKE A LOOK: >> THEY'RE MADE OUT OF 160 00:08:33,312 --> 00:08:35,147 CARDBOARD, YES, BUT APPARENTLY THEY'RE MEANT TO BREAK AT ANY 161 00:08:35,214 --> 00:08:35,648 SUDDEN MOVEMENTS. 162 00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:39,252 IT'S FAKE. 163 00:08:39,318 --> 00:08:41,387 FAKE NEWS. 164 00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:44,524 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: FAKE NEWS! 165 00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:45,791 GREAT NEWS FOR RANDY OLYMPIANS, EVEN BETTER NEWS FOR ANYONE WHO 166 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:47,660 HAS SEX WITH THAT GUY. 167 00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:54,166 (IRISH ACCENT) OOOH, YES! 168 00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:54,400 YES! 169 00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:55,568 YES! 170 00:08:55,635 --> 00:08:59,538 SMACK ME WITH THE SHILLELAGH RIGHT IN THE BLARNEY STONES 171 00:08:59,605 --> 00:09:00,172 THAT'S GOOD. 172 00:09:00,239 --> 00:09:02,975 THAT WAS A LITTLE SCOOTISH. 173 00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:05,511 ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, THE BUZZKILLS OVER AT 174 00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:07,680 FACT-CHECK VILLAGE HAVE SPENT THE AFTERNOON DEBUNKING THE 175 00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:13,386 RUMORS COMING FROM THE ATHLETES THEMSELVES, AND INSTEAD CLAIM 176 00:09:13,452 --> 00:09:14,987 THAT THE BEDS WERE MADE OF CARDBOARD SO THAT THEY COULD BE 177 00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:16,589 RECYCLED INTO PAPER PRODUCTS AFTER THE OLYMPICS. 178 00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:19,659 I CAN'T WAIT FOR SIX MONTHS FROM NOW TO READ TOILET PAPER LABELS 179 00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:23,663 THAT READ MADE FROM 100% RECYCLED OLYMPIC SEX BED. 180 00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:32,772 ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 181 00:09:32,838 --> 00:09:35,675 I GUESS IT WILL SELL. 182 00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:39,278 AND ATHLETES, REMEMBER: IF YOU'RE RECYCLING, YOU GOTTA 183 00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:40,179 BREAK DOWN YOUR OLYMPIC SEX BED. 184 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,180 ( LAUGHTER ) AND MAKE SURE TO SEPARATE YOUR 185 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:44,517 SEX BED FROM YOUR SEX BOTTLES AND YOUR SEX CANS. 186 00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:46,018 ( LAUGHTER ) SPEAKING OF LOSING SLEEP, THE 187 00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:48,587 FBI IS STILL TRACKING DOWN JANUARY 6TH INSURRECTIONISTS. 188 00:09:48,654 --> 00:09:50,022 I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S: 189 00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:54,093 SEDITIONIST ROUND-UP ROUNDUP. 190 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:57,029 ♪♪ >> CUD YOU BEEF IN ANY MORE 191 00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:58,965 TROUBLE? 192 00:09:59,031 --> 00:10:05,037 >> Stephen: FIRST UP, ARIZONA RESIDENT AND FRED FLINTSTONE 193 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,473 AFTER HIS YABBA DABBA D.U.I., NATHAN WAYNE 194 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:12,511 ENTREKIN. 195 00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:15,781 ENTREKIN IS CHARGED WITH VIOLENT ENTRY AND DISORDERLY CONDUCT, 196 00:10:15,848 --> 00:10:19,352 BUT HE'S MOST NOTABLE BECAUSE ON JANUARY 6TH, HE WAS WEARING, AS 197 00:10:19,418 --> 00:10:22,321 THE F.B.I. AFFIDAVIT ACTUALLY PUT IT: A PLUS SIZE ROMAN 198 00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:25,324 GLADIATOR COSTUME. 199 00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:29,695 ( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, THE PLUS-SIZE 200 00:10:29,762 --> 00:10:34,200 GLADIATOR IS THE ONE THEY SEND IN ON THE LIONS' CHEAT DAY. 201 00:10:34,266 --> 00:10:35,868 ( LAUGHTER ) COSTUME WASN'T EXACTLY 202 00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:38,404 AUTHENTIC, CHECK OUT THE THE JORTS. 203 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:42,708 ( LAUGHTER ) I BELIEVE HE PICKED UP THAT 204 00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:46,679 OUTFIT AT A T.J. MAXXIMUS. 205 00:10:46,746 --> 00:10:50,216 ( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF ) 206 00:10:50,282 --> 00:10:56,155 NOT TO CORRECT THE F.B.I., BUT -- FAR BE IT FROM ME TO CORRECT 207 00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:57,156 THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS, BUT 208 00:10:57,223 --> 00:10:58,357 TECHNICALLY, ENTRIKEN WASN'T DRESSED AS A ROMAN. 209 00:10:58,424 --> 00:11:00,626 HE TOLD AUTHORITIES THAT HE WAS COSPLAYING AS SOMEONE NAMED 210 00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:05,031 CAPTAIN MORONI, WHO WAS A FIGURE IN THE MORMON FAITH WHO FOUGHT 211 00:11:05,097 --> 00:11:08,501 AGAINST AN ATTEMPT TO OVERTHROW A DEMOCRACY. 212 00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:14,507 AND NOT, AS I THOUGHT, THE PLURAL OF CAPTAIN MORON. 213 00:11:14,573 --> 00:11:16,042 ( LAUGHTER ) OKAY, COSPLAYING AS AN OBSCURE 214 00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:18,744 RELIGIOUS FIGURE SOUNDS PRETTY NERDY. 215 00:11:18,811 --> 00:11:20,479 BUT THAT'S NOT EVEN THE TIP OF THE GEEKBERG BECAUSE, ACCORDING 216 00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:24,850 TO THE F.B.I., ENTRIKEN FILMED VIDEOS ON HIS CELLPHONE, 217 00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:32,458 NARRATING THE ACTION FOR HIS MOTHER, WITH WHOM HE LIVES. 218 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,894 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NATHAN! 219 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:38,497 NATHAN! 220 00:11:38,564 --> 00:11:41,467 ( APPLAUSE ) NATHAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 221 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:45,104 YOU CAN'T FILM YOURSELF AT A RIOT AND SEND IT TO YOUR MOM. 222 00:11:45,171 --> 00:11:49,208 SAVE THOSE STORIES FOR WHEN SHE TUCKS YOU IN AT NIGHT. 223 00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:51,210 ( LAUGHTER ) IN THE VIDEOS, ENTRIKEN FILMED 224 00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:53,512 THE RIOT AND SAID THINGS LIKE: >> WOW, MOM. 225 00:11:53,579 --> 00:11:55,948 I WISH YOU WERE HERE WITH ME. 226 00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:58,484 MOM, LOOK, I MADE IT TO THE TOP. 227 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,420 AND HERE COMES THE RIOT POLICE, MOM. 228 00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:05,124 OKAY, THAT'S A MOTHER-SON BOND. 229 00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:08,694 I'M SORRY, I MEANT BAIL-BOND. 230 00:12:08,761 --> 00:12:09,762 BUT GOOD NEWS NATHAN. 231 00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:14,100 IF THEY CONVICT YOU, YOU'RE GETTING YOUR OWN PLACE. 232 00:12:14,166 --> 00:12:22,541 ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 233 00:12:22,608 --> 00:12:27,680 ♪♪ HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY ENDING 234 00:12:27,746 --> 00:12:28,080 OKAY. 235 00:12:28,147 --> 00:12:30,149 THERE YOU GO. 236 00:12:30,216 --> 00:12:34,520 NEXT UP ON THE ROUNDUP, SCHENECTADY MAN AND LIVING 237 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:38,090 EMBODIMENT OF THE TERM BRO, BRANDON FELLOWS. 238 00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:41,293 WE'VE SEEN SOME REAL FASHION CRIMES BEING COMMITTED IN THE 239 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:46,499 COURSE OF RIOTERS COMMITTING ACTUAL CRIMES, BUT FELLOWS 240 00:12:46,565 --> 00:12:50,102 STANDS OUT AS BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO WORE A GIANT FAKE BEARD MADE 241 00:12:50,169 --> 00:12:52,138 OF YARN. 242 00:12:52,204 --> 00:12:56,075 I HOPE THE CARPET DOESN'T MATCH THE CARDIGAN. 243 00:12:56,142 --> 00:12:58,511 FELLOWS WAS OUT ON BAIL AWAITING TRIAL, UNTIL JUST A FEW DAYS 244 00:12:58,577 --> 00:13:00,279 AGO. 245 00:13:00,346 --> 00:13:02,515 A JUDGE REVOKED HIS BAIL AFTER FELLOWS' PROBATION OFFICER 246 00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:08,053 TESTIFIED THAT FELLOWS FREQUENTLY LEFT HER RAMBLING, 247 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,556 OVERLY LONG VOICEMAILS, INCLUDING ONE WHERE HE 248 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:14,093 REFERENCED THE SIZE OF HIS GENITALIA AND THE PERFORMANCE OF 249 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,897 HIS GENITALIA. 250 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,165 I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE SIZE OF THIS MAN'S GENITALIA, BUT HE 251 00:13:19,231 --> 00:13:22,902 CERTAINLY SOUNDS LIKE A MASSIVE DICK 252 00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:25,404 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IT'S A JOKE. 253 00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,206 IT'S JUST A JOKE. 254 00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:30,576 I'M JUST MAKING JOKES. 255 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:35,881 IN COURT, FELLOWS APOLOGIZED FOR BEING ANNOYING. 256 00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:37,483 ADDING -- I WOULDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH ME 257 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:41,487 IF I WERE ON THE OPPOSING SIDE. 258 00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:43,889 A TIP FOR THIS GUY IN JAIL: ON YOUR FIRST DAY, GO OUT IN THE 259 00:13:43,956 --> 00:13:49,595 YARD, AND PUNCH THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON IN THE FACE. 260 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:50,396 IT WILL BE YOU. 261 00:13:50,462 --> 00:13:52,498 ( LAUGHTER ) SPEAKING OF CAPITOL HILL 262 00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:54,333 THERE'S NEWS FROM SENATE MAJORITY LEADER AND 263 00:13:54,400 --> 00:14:01,040 HOMICIDAL MOTHER GOOSE, CHUCK SCHUMER. 264 00:14:01,106 --> 00:14:04,076 LAST WEEK, SCHUMER UNVEILED DRAFT LEGISLATION THAT WOULD 265 00:14:04,143 --> 00:14:08,113 LEGALIZE MARIJUANA. 266 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:20,125 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I THINK WE'LL ALL REMEMBER WHERE 267 00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:21,694 WE WERE WHEN WE HEARD THIS NEWS. 268 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,163 OTHER THAN POT SMOKERS BECAUSE OF THEIR SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS. 269 00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:27,700 SOMEBODY WRITE IT DOWN FOR THEM. 270 00:14:27,766 --> 00:14:28,867 THEY'LL BE REALLY EXCITED. 271 00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:30,669 THE LEGISLATION IS CALLED THE CANNABIS ADMINISTRATION AND 272 00:14:30,736 --> 00:14:31,370 OPPORTUNITY ACT. 273 00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:32,805 LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE BILL... 274 00:14:32,871 --> 00:14:37,943 ...AND SOMEONE'S USED IT TO ROLL A JOINT. 275 00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:42,381 ( LAUGHTER ) AT A PRESS CONFERENCE LAST WEEK, 276 00:14:42,448 --> 00:14:44,850 SCHUMER EXPLAINED WHY HE WAS BACKING THE BILL: 277 00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:48,487 >> FOR JUSTICE AND FOR FREEDOM, IT MAKES EMINENT, EMINENT SENSE 278 00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:52,925 TO LEGALIZE MARIJUANA. 279 00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:58,130 >> Stephen: (AS CHUCK SCHUMER) YES WE MUST LEGALIZE IT FOR 280 00:14:58,197 --> 00:14:59,765 LIFE, LIBERTY, AND PURSUIT OF DANKI-NESS. 281 00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:03,235 I'M TALKING ABOUT THE STICKY ICKY, BROSEPH. 282 00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:05,804 BONG LOADS FOR DAYS. 283 00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:11,176 IN COLLEGE, THEY USED TO CALL ME CHEEBA CHUCK. 284 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:14,380 WELL, NOW CHEEBA'S IN CHARGE AND HE WANTS A FAT LEGAL SACK OF 285 00:15:14,446 --> 00:15:15,281 SKUNKY NUG. 286 00:15:15,347 --> 00:15:20,786 NOW PASS THE DUTCHIE ON THE LEFT HAND SIDE. 287 00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:26,325 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, MY GUEST IS THE HOST OF 288 00:15:26,392 --> 00:15:28,727 "THE REIDOUT" ON MSNBC, JOY REID. 289 00:15:28,794 --> 00:15:31,597 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, MEANWHILE. 290 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:32,931 ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 291 00:15:59,825 --> 00:16:09,802 ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 292 00:16:09,868 --> 00:16:15,174 ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 293 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:16,842 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 294 00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:21,513 GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND! 295 00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:23,382 JON BATISTE! 296 00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:26,852 ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 297 00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:36,895 >> Jon: HEY! 298 00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:42,768 >> Jon: HEY! 299 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,504 ♪♪ ( LAUGHTER ) 300 00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:51,343 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ DIDDLE DEE DEE DEE ♪ 301 00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:55,080 >> Stephen: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE'RE DOING, ARE WE FISHING 302 00:16:55,147 --> 00:16:56,248 OR RIDING A PONY? 303 00:16:56,315 --> 00:16:58,117 >> Jon: WE'RE RIDING. 304 00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:00,319 >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, GOOD. 305 00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:04,323 JON, I HAVE A RARE CORRECTION TO MAKE. 306 00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:07,359 I HAVE NEVER MADE A MISTAKE ON THE SHOW BEFORE SO I'M NOT SURE 307 00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:10,162 EXACTLY HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS NOW. 308 00:17:10,229 --> 00:17:13,966 BUT DURING THE MONOLOGUE, REMEMBER THE IRISH GYMNAST 309 00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:19,972 JUMPING ON THE CARDBOARD BED AND SAYING I'M SURE IT'S STURDY 310 00:17:20,038 --> 00:17:21,940 ENOUGH TO HAVE SEX ON, HE WAS IMPLYING. 311 00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:22,775 >> Jon: YES. 312 00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:24,276 >> Stephen: I MISPRONOUNCED HIS NAME. 313 00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:35,554 I BELIEVE I CALLED HIM RYAN MCCLENNAN-HAN-HAN. 314 00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:48,934 ( LAUGHTER ) HIS NAME IS REEZE McCLAN 315 00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:50,969 AHAN-A HAN. 316 00:17:51,036 --> 00:17:51,937 ( LAUGHTER ) FOLKS, I SPENT A LOT OF TIME 317 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:56,175 STANDING RIGHT OVER THERE, SETTING 318 00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:58,644 UP MY NEWS EASEL, LAYING IN THE MOST TOPICAL BRUSH STROKES, 319 00:17:58,710 --> 00:18:01,180 CHOOSING THE MOST RELEVANT COLORS, ALL TO FAITHFULLY 320 00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:04,583 CAPTURE FOR YOU, THE SOUL OF THE STORIES OF THE DAY IN THE 321 00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:10,756 OIL-ON-CANVAS MASTERPIECE THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 322 00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:15,294 BUT SOMETIMES -- JUST SOMETIMES, FOLKS -- I SET A LIQUOR 323 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:16,695 STORE ON FIRE AND COME BACK THE NEXT DAY TO SCRAPE SOME CHARCOAL 324 00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,363 OFF THE BURNT TIMBERS, USE THE CARDBOARD FROM THE DISCARDED 325 00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:21,166 REFRIGERATOR BOX I'VE BEEN CALLING HOME FOR THE WEEKEND, 326 00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:25,370 THEN HARASS TOURISTS TO ETCH THE OFFENSIVE BOARDWALK CARICATURE 327 00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:29,808 OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: >> (ECHOING VOICE) 328 00:18:29,875 --> 00:18:37,382 MEANWHILE! 329 00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:41,520 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: IT'S AN-ACIES IN 330 00:18:41,587 --> 00:18:42,454 THE DESERT IS WHAT IT IS. 331 00:18:42,521 --> 00:18:44,756 IT'S A COOL DRINK OF WATER. 332 00:18:44,823 --> 00:18:49,761 GIVES HOPE TO WEARY NATIONS. 333 00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:50,696 "MEANWHILE!"... 334 00:18:50,762 --> 00:18:52,631 ( LAUGHTER ) BILLIONAIRE HUMANOID JEFF BEZOS 335 00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:53,765 LAUNCHES HIMSELF INTO SPACE TOMORROW MORNING, AND HE MADE 336 00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:54,766 THE ROUNDS TODAY WITH HIS CREWMATES TO DISCUSS THE MOST 337 00:18:54,833 --> 00:19:00,606 FASCINATING THING ABOUT SPACE EXPLORATION: HIM. 338 00:19:00,672 --> 00:19:02,508 >> EVERYBODY WHO HAS BEEN TO SPACE, EVERY ASTRONAUT COMES 339 00:19:02,574 --> 00:19:05,043 BACK AND THEY SAY IT CHANGED THEM SOMEHOW. 340 00:19:05,110 --> 00:19:09,147 I DON'T KNOW HOW IT'S GOING TO CHANGE ME, BUT I KNOW IT'S GOING 341 00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:10,082 TO AND I'M EXCITED TO FIND OUT HOW. 342 00:19:10,148 --> 00:19:12,217 I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT GOING TO MEAN FOR ME. 343 00:19:12,284 --> 00:19:15,721 EVERYBODY WHO'S BEEN TO SPACE SAYS IT CHANGES THEM IN SOME 344 00:19:15,787 --> 00:19:17,823 WAY, I'M JUST REALLY EXCITED TO FIGURE OUT HOW IT'S GOING TO 345 00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:20,459 CHANGE ME. 346 00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:21,827 >> STEPHEN: PERSONALLY, I HOPE IT CHANGES HIM INTO A PERSON WHO 347 00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:25,430 PAYS TAXES. 348 00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:32,938 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) 349 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:33,338 ANY! 350 00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:35,807 ONE DOLLAR! 351 00:19:35,874 --> 00:19:39,778 ( APPLAUSE ) BUT THE TRUE STAR OF THE BLUE 352 00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:41,847 ORIGIN SHOW IS 82 YEAR OLD WALLY FUNK. 353 00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:45,017 A PIONEERING AMERICAN AVIATOR. 354 00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:46,184 THERE SHE IS. 355 00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:49,454 A NAME I ASSUME SHE GOT AFTER REPLACING BOOTSIE COLLINS IN 356 00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:50,255 PARLIAMENT. 357 00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:57,829 ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, FUNK WAS ONE OF THE 358 00:19:57,896 --> 00:20:01,199 SO-CALLED MERCURY 13, 13 WOMEN WHO WENT THROUGH THE RIGOROUS 359 00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:02,467 MERCURY TRAINING PROGRAM, OFTEN SURPASSING THE MEN, BUT WERE ALL 360 00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:05,704 DENIED THE CHANCE TO BE ON THE MISSION. 361 00:20:05,771 --> 00:20:07,606 BUT NOW SHE'S GOING TO SPACE, AND HERE SHE IS TALKING TO OUR 362 00:20:07,673 --> 00:20:09,841 GOOD FRIEND GAYLE KING THIS MORNING. 363 00:20:09,908 --> 00:20:13,645 >> NOW YOU'RE BEING DESCRIBED AS THE OLDEST PERSON TO GO INTO 364 00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:18,717 SPACE, WHICH I THINK IS VERY COOL. 365 00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:19,418 >> BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M 24. 366 00:20:19,484 --> 00:20:23,021 (LAUGHTER) IT'S GREAT. 367 00:20:23,088 --> 00:20:24,623 >> STEPHEN: OH, YES, WE ALL KNOW FEELING 24 IS GREAT. 368 00:20:24,690 --> 00:20:28,694 Y'KNOW, COULDN'T AFFORD A CAR, SELLING TSHIRTS AT AN IMPROV 369 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,630 THEATER IN CHICAGO, LIVING IN A FRIEND'S 370 00:20:31,697 --> 00:20:36,602 BASEMENT TRYING TO SELL FUTON FRAMES YOU MADE OUT OF 2 BY 4'S, 371 00:20:36,668 --> 00:20:39,271 ...OR SO A FRIEND TOLD ME. 372 00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:41,974 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, IN ORDER TO CHANGE 373 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:48,113 PUBLIC PERCEPTION OF SHARKS AUSTRALIAN SCIENTISTS SEEK TO 374 00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:52,918 REBRAND SHARK 'ATTACKS' AS INTERACTIONS OR INCIDENTS. 375 00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:57,089 AS IN: I'M SORRY MA'A'M, A SHARK INTERACTED WITH YOUR HUSBAND'S 376 00:20:57,155 --> 00:21:01,159 TORSO, AND HE IS EXPERIENCING A NOT BEING ALIVE INCIDENT. 377 00:21:01,226 --> 00:21:02,327 ( LAUGHTER ) SCIENTISTS SAY 'ATTACK' IS AN 378 00:21:02,394 --> 00:21:03,762 UNFAIR WORD BECAUSE IT IMPLIES SHARKS HAVE THE INTENTION OF 379 00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:05,998 HURTING PEOPLE. 380 00:21:06,064 --> 00:21:09,735 AND ONE SCIENTIST ADDING: VERY RARELY ARE HUMANS CONSUMED 381 00:21:09,801 --> 00:21:12,471 BY SHARKS. 382 00:21:12,537 --> 00:21:13,305 ( LAUGHTER ) I'M GONNA GO WITH ONCE IS 383 00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:15,674 ENOUGH. 384 00:21:15,741 --> 00:21:16,675 ( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T THINK PEOPLE WOULD FEEL 385 00:21:16,742 --> 00:21:18,610 GREAT IF MY SHOW CAME WITH THE DISCLAIMER: 386 00:21:18,677 --> 00:21:21,713 VERY RARELY ARE AUDIENCE MEMBERS CONSUMED BY THE HOST. 387 00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:25,283 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 388 00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:35,193 ( PIANO RIFF ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 389 00:21:35,260 --> 00:21:41,700 MEANWHILE, A GLOBAL EMOJI TREND REPORT WAS JUST RELEASED 390 00:21:41,767 --> 00:21:43,835 REVEALING THE MOST MISUNDERSTOOD IN THE WORLD. 391 00:21:43,902 --> 00:21:45,303 APPARENTLY AMONG THE MOST CONFUSING EMOJIS FOR USERS, THE 392 00:21:45,370 --> 00:21:52,711 EGGPLANT SYMBOL, EDGED OUT THE PEACH. 393 00:21:52,778 --> 00:21:59,918 ( LAUGHTER ) WARNING: DO NOT GOOGLE EGGPLANT 394 00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:03,588 EDGES PEACH. 395 00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:14,332 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, A FINGERPRINT FOUND 396 00:22:14,399 --> 00:22:17,636 ON A 500-YEAR-OLD STATUE MAY BELONG TO MICHELANGELO. 397 00:22:17,703 --> 00:22:18,804 GOT HIM! 398 00:22:18,870 --> 00:22:22,574 NOW WE CAN FINALLY SOLVE THE MYSTERY OF WHO MADE THIS 399 00:22:22,641 --> 00:22:23,475 MICHELANGELO STATUE! 400 00:22:23,542 --> 00:22:24,242 ( LAUGHTER ) SO WHERE EXACTLY DID CURATOR'S 401 00:22:24,309 --> 00:22:27,012 FIND THIS 500 YEAR-OLD FINGERPRINT? 402 00:22:27,079 --> 00:22:33,385 ON THE FIGURINE'S BUTTOCKS. 403 00:22:33,452 --> 00:22:34,586 FINGER ON THE BUTT? 404 00:22:34,653 --> 00:22:38,990 CLEARLY MICHELANGELO HAD JUST READ THE JULY 1532 ISSUE OF 405 00:22:39,057 --> 00:22:42,394 IL COSMEPOLITANO - EDIZIONE SEXY. 406 00:22:42,461 --> 00:22:45,063 (BAD ITALIAN ACCENT) THAT-A ONEA CRAZY TRICK THAT 407 00:22:45,130 --> 00:22:50,802 WILL A-MAKE HIM A-SAY ATSA SPICY-A MEAT-A-BALL! 408 00:22:50,869 --> 00:22:55,006 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MSNBC'S JOY REID. 409 00:22:55,073 --> 00:22:55,907 ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 410 00:23:04,616 --> 00:23:17,929 ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 411 00:23:17,996 --> 00:23:22,567 >> Stephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN -- 412 00:23:22,634 --> 00:23:29,307 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) -- WELCOME BACK, FOLKS! 413 00:23:29,374 --> 00:23:32,477 MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A POLITICAL ANALYST, AUTHOR AND 414 00:23:32,544 --> 00:23:38,517 THE HOST OF "THE REIDOUT" ON MSNBC, PLEASE WELCOME JOY REID! 415 00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:48,560 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 416 00:23:48,627 --> 00:24:00,806 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 417 00:24:00,872 --> 00:24:01,406 >> WOW! 418 00:24:01,473 --> 00:24:02,240 THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE. 419 00:24:02,307 --> 00:24:03,942 >> Stephen: THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE. 420 00:24:04,009 --> 00:24:06,878 IS THIS LARGER THAN YOUR AUDIENCE OPEN YOUR SHOW. 421 00:24:06,945 --> 00:24:07,746 > SLIGHTLY. 422 00:24:07,813 --> 00:24:09,047 I HAVE A STAGE MANAGER AND ANOTHER LADY. 423 00:24:09,114 --> 00:24:11,783 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT. 424 00:24:11,850 --> 00:24:12,617 YES. 425 00:24:12,684 --> 00:24:13,552 >> Stephen: NICE TO MEET YOU IN PERSON. 426 00:24:13,618 --> 00:24:14,452 >> YES. 427 00:24:14,519 --> 00:24:16,054 >> Stephen: WE TALKED BEFORE THE ELECTION. 428 00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:16,955 >> RIGHT. 429 00:24:17,022 --> 00:24:17,556 >> Stephen: RIGHT BEFORE THE 2020 ELECTION. 430 00:24:17,622 --> 00:24:18,323 THAT WAS A HARROWING TIME. 431 00:24:18,390 --> 00:24:19,524 >> IT WAS QUITE A TIME. 432 00:24:19,591 --> 00:24:23,128 >> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT ONE OF THOSE HARROWING TIME WHEN 433 00:24:23,195 --> 00:24:25,864 YOU WERE ON AND I WAS STILL UP IN THE STORAGE ROOM AND I 434 00:24:25,931 --> 00:24:31,369 COULDN'T SEE MY STAFF, BEFORE THE ELECTION, YOU EXPRESSED SOME 435 00:24:31,436 --> 00:24:35,207 TREPIDATION AT THE TIME THAT YOU THOUGHT THAT PERHAPS THE 436 00:24:35,273 --> 00:24:37,843 REPUBLICANS WOULD ATTEMPT TO GAIN THE ELECTION BY CLAIMING 437 00:24:37,909 --> 00:24:43,148 THAT BIDEN ONLY WON THROUGH CHEATING OR SOMETHING AND 438 00:24:43,215 --> 00:24:46,585 UNDERMINE THE LEGITIMACY OF THE ELECTION. 439 00:24:46,651 --> 00:24:47,252 >> YEAH. 440 00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:49,154 >> Stephen: YOU WERE -- RIGHT. 441 00:24:49,221 --> 00:24:50,322 YES. 442 00:24:50,388 --> 00:24:53,525 >> Stephen: AND I AM CURIOUS IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE YOU 443 00:24:53,592 --> 00:24:55,861 WOULD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT. 444 00:24:55,927 --> 00:24:58,864 >> I DON'T HAVE LOTTERY NUMBERS. 445 00:24:58,930 --> 00:25:00,365 THE REALITY IS IT WASN'T THE POWERS OF PROGNOSTICATION 446 00:25:00,432 --> 00:25:03,235 BECAUSE DONALD TRUMP SAID THAT'S WHAT HE WAS GOING TO. 447 00:25:03,301 --> 00:25:06,838 DO HE MADE IT VERY CLEAR THE ONLY WAY JOE BIDEN COULD WIN THE 448 00:25:06,905 --> 00:25:09,741 ELECTION WAS THROUGH CHEATING AND FRAUD AND WAS TELEGRAPHING 449 00:25:09,808 --> 00:25:13,578 HE WAS GOING TO ANCHOR THAT ALLEGED CHEATING AND FRAUD IN 450 00:25:13,645 --> 00:25:17,082 THE VOTES OF AFRICAN-AMERICANS, AND HE TARGETED CITIES AND 451 00:25:17,148 --> 00:25:20,719 COUNTIES AFTER THE ELECTION, AS EXPECTED, WHERE BLACK AND BROWN 452 00:25:20,785 --> 00:25:22,721 PEOPLE MAJORITY VOTE. 453 00:25:22,787 --> 00:25:26,091 AND IT'S NOT AN UNUSUAL STRATEGY, LET'S JUST SAY, FOR 454 00:25:26,157 --> 00:25:30,061 THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, OVER THE DECADES, TO ALLEGE VOTER FRAUD 455 00:25:30,128 --> 00:25:35,467 AND TO FIXATE THAT VOTER FRAUD ON VOTERS OF COLOR. 456 00:25:35,533 --> 00:25:36,501 IT'S NOT EXACTLY A STRATEGY. 457 00:25:36,568 --> 00:25:38,603 >> Stephen: BUT NOT TO THIS EXTENT. 458 00:25:38,670 --> 00:25:41,473 >> WELL, NOT TO THE POINT WHERE THEY THEN ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO GO 459 00:25:41,539 --> 00:25:45,944 AND OVERTHROW THE RESULT BY INVADING -- PHYSICALLY INVADING 460 00:25:46,011 --> 00:25:46,578 THE CAPITOL. 461 00:25:46,645 --> 00:25:49,180 THAT IS A NEW ONE. 462 00:25:49,247 --> 00:25:53,418 >> Stephen: AND SUCH A LARGE PERCENTAGE OF REPUBLICAN VOTERS 463 00:25:53,485 --> 00:25:54,920 BELIEVE THE BIG LIE. 464 00:25:54,986 --> 00:25:56,054 >> YEAH. 465 00:25:56,121 --> 00:25:58,189 >> Stephen: WHAT'S THE NEXT TOOL DO YOU THINK THEY MIGHT 466 00:25:58,256 --> 00:25:59,357 USE? 467 00:25:59,424 --> 00:26:01,159 ANYTHING ON THE HORIZON THAT YOU'RE HEARING PEOPLE ALREADY 468 00:26:01,226 --> 00:26:02,327 TALK ABOUT? 469 00:26:02,394 --> 00:26:04,095 >> WHAT'S FRIGHTENING ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENED IS THAT, YOU 470 00:26:04,162 --> 00:26:07,999 KNOW, AGAIN, THERE HAVE BEEN ALWAYS BEEN THESE INTIMATIONS 471 00:26:08,066 --> 00:26:10,635 THAT D.M.s ONLY WIN THROUGH FRAUD. 472 00:26:10,702 --> 00:26:12,003 THIS HAPPENED WHEN PRESIDENT OBAMA WON, YOU KNOW. 473 00:26:12,070 --> 00:26:16,675 THERE WAS THAT MEME THAT HE ONLY WON BECAUSE OF FRAUD. 474 00:26:16,741 --> 00:26:18,276 YOU HAD DURING THE GEORGE W. 475 00:26:18,343 --> 00:26:23,515 BUSH ADMINISTRATION THIS ATTEMPT TO PUSH U.S. ATTORNEYS TO 476 00:26:23,581 --> 00:26:24,883 INVESTIGATE SO-CALLED VOTER RAY FRAUD. 477 00:26:24,950 --> 00:26:29,654 THIS ISN'T A NEW THING, BUT WHAT DONALD TRUMP HAS DONE IS 478 00:26:29,721 --> 00:26:32,557 WEAPONIZED THAT LEARNED FEAR AMONG REPUBLICANS THAT ELECTIONS 479 00:26:32,624 --> 00:26:35,060 ARE BEING REGULARLY STOLEN FROM THEM PARTICULARLY BY VOTERS OF 480 00:26:35,126 --> 00:26:38,763 COLOR, AND WHAT THEY'VE DONE NOW IS USED THAT BIG LIE TO PASS 481 00:26:38,830 --> 00:26:44,035 LAWS TO MAKE IT MUCH, MUCH HARDER FOR PEOPLE OF COLOR, FOR 482 00:26:44,102 --> 00:26:48,974 OLDER PEOPLE, FOR POORER PEOPLE TO VOTE, BECAUSE WHAT THEY'RE 483 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:52,444 TRYING TO SAY TO THEIR VOTERS IS THE WAY WE'LL FIX THIS FRAUD IS 484 00:26:52,510 --> 00:26:57,983 THAT WE WILL GUARANTEE THAT IF YOU WILL COME TO THE POLLS, WE 485 00:26:58,049 --> 00:26:59,384 WILL GUARANTEE YOU THAT YOU WILL WIN. 486 00:26:59,451 --> 00:27:03,088 IF YOU DON'T WIN AT THE BALLOT BOX, WE'LL FIX IT AFTERWARDS, 487 00:27:03,154 --> 00:27:06,591 AND THAT'S WHAT THE LAWS IN TEXAS AND GEORGIA AND ARIZONA 488 00:27:06,658 --> 00:27:07,826 ARE DOING. 489 00:27:07,892 --> 00:27:10,128 THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE SURE THAT THERE'S A GUARANTEED VICTORY. 490 00:27:10,195 --> 00:27:13,231 >> Stephen: IN TEXAS, FOR THE PEOPLE WHORCHT FOLLOWED, IN 491 00:27:13,298 --> 00:27:24,042 TEXAS, AS IN MANY STATES, BUT IN TEXAS IN PARTICULAR THERE'S AN 492 00:27:24,109 --> 00:27:27,946 ANTI-VOTING RIGHTS BEING PUSHED BY GOVERNOR ABBOTT. 493 00:27:28,013 --> 00:27:33,351 THE TEXAS D.M.s HAVE LEFT SO THERE WON'T BE A QUORUM WHERE 494 00:27:33,418 --> 00:27:34,519 THEY CAN'T VOTE IN THE SESSION. 495 00:27:34,586 --> 00:27:36,354 THEY WILL CERTAINLY STALL IT. 496 00:27:36,421 --> 00:27:39,357 LINDSEY GRAHAM SAYS THE SAME THING WILL HAPPEN WITH THE 497 00:27:39,424 --> 00:27:41,593 REPUBLICANS IN THE UNITED STATES TO STOP THE INFRASTRUCTURE BILL 498 00:27:41,659 --> 00:27:42,293 THAT THEY SHOULD LEAVE. 499 00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:43,495 DO YOU HAVE THOUGHTS ON THAT'S? 500 00:27:43,561 --> 00:27:44,496 >> I THINK THEY SHOULD DO THAT. 501 00:27:44,562 --> 00:27:45,630 I THINK IT'S A GREAT IDEA. 502 00:27:45,697 --> 00:27:47,132 IT'S A PHENOMENAL IDEA. 503 00:27:47,198 --> 00:27:49,701 I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD LISTEN, LISTEN TO LINDSEY GRAHAM. 504 00:27:49,768 --> 00:27:54,773 >> Stephen: BUT THE THING IS WHAT'S ODD ABOUT IT, WHEN I 505 00:27:54,839 --> 00:27:57,042 HEARD HIM SAY THAT, I THOUGHT THE TEXAS PEOPLE LEAVE TEXAS 506 00:27:57,108 --> 00:27:59,611 BECAUSE THE TEXAS GOVERNMENT CAN'T GOO ARREST THEM IN ANOTHER 507 00:27:59,677 --> 00:28:00,745 STATE. 508 00:28:00,812 --> 00:28:03,181 U.S. SENATORS WOULD HAVE TO LEAVE THE UNITED STATES AND 509 00:28:03,248 --> 00:28:07,185 FOREVER BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S A SPECIAL SESSION, 510 00:28:07,252 --> 00:28:08,086 SENATE'S IN. 511 00:28:08,153 --> 00:28:09,154 >> RIGHT. 512 00:28:09,220 --> 00:28:11,022 AND THE OTHER THING IS THE WAY IT WORKS IN THE TEXAS 513 00:28:11,089 --> 00:28:15,060 LEGISLATURE IS NOT THE WAY IT WORKS IN WASHINGTON, D.C. 514 00:28:15,126 --> 00:28:18,630 IF THEY LEFT, D.M.s COULD SIMPLY PASS WHATEVER BILLS THEY 515 00:28:18,696 --> 00:28:20,365 WANTED WITH THE SENATORS WHO ARE THERE. 516 00:28:20,432 --> 00:28:22,934 IT'S NOT THE SAME SORT OF SYSTEM. 517 00:28:23,001 --> 00:28:25,470 LINDSEY GRAHAM HAS BEEN A SENATOR A REALLY LONG TIME, HE 518 00:28:25,537 --> 00:28:27,072 SHOULD KNOW HOW THIS WORKS. 519 00:28:27,138 --> 00:28:38,283 LET'S SEE THE REPUBLICANS WERE TO PULL A TEXAS DEMS AND LEAVE, 520 00:28:38,349 --> 00:28:43,054 THEN THEY COULD PASS WITH MAJORITY RULES. 521 00:28:43,121 --> 00:28:45,924 SO I'M, LIKE, YEAH, LEAVE, AND WE CAN PASS ALL OF THE BILLS 522 00:28:45,990 --> 00:28:47,725 THAT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE NEED. 523 00:28:47,792 --> 00:28:51,096 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: NOW ONE OF THE 524 00:28:51,162 --> 00:28:54,099 THINGS THAT'S A LITTLE BIT DISTRESSING ABOUT POLLING THAT 525 00:28:54,165 --> 00:28:58,503 I'VE SEEN RECENTLY IS THAT THE BASICALLY ESSENTIALLY THE SAME 526 00:28:58,570 --> 00:29:01,306 PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE THE BIG LIE HAVE A LARGE PERCENTAGE OF THE 527 00:29:01,372 --> 00:29:04,976 PEOPLE WHO DO NOT BELIEVE THAT THEY SHOULD BECOME VACCINATED. 528 00:29:05,043 --> 00:29:07,745 NOT EXACTLY THE SAME, BUT THERE'S A LOT OF CORRELATION 529 00:29:07,812 --> 00:29:09,380 BETWEEN THE TWO. 530 00:29:09,447 --> 00:29:10,515 >> YEAH. 531 00:29:10,582 --> 00:29:11,616 >> Stephen: IS THERE ANY MESSAGE YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ON 532 00:29:11,683 --> 00:29:15,353 YOUR SHOW TO PEOPLE ABOUT VACCINATIONS, PROS AND CONS? 533 00:29:15,420 --> 00:29:19,491 >> THIS IS WHAT FRIGHTENS ME BECAUSE -- I TWEETED THIS AND 534 00:29:19,557 --> 00:29:26,698 I'LL JUST SAY IT AGAIN -- THE SAME PEOPLE ARE TELLING YOU YOU 535 00:29:26,764 --> 00:29:31,069 SHOULD NOT BE VACCINATED ARE THE SAME PEOPLE WHO ARE SAYING THERE 536 00:29:31,136 --> 00:29:34,706 ARE BAMBOO SHARDS OF TRUMP BALLOT IN CHICKEN POOP IN 537 00:29:34,772 --> 00:29:39,511 ARIZONA, AND YOU SHOULD COMB THROUGH THE CHICKEN POOP, FIND 538 00:29:39,577 --> 00:29:43,815 THE BAMBOO BALLOTS WHICH ARE OBVIOUSLY FROM CHINA BECAUSE -- 539 00:29:43,882 --> 00:29:47,952 BAMBOO BALLOTS -- AND THEREFORE TRUMP WON BY A BAZILEIAN VOTES, 540 00:29:48,019 --> 00:29:52,056 AND THOSE SAME PEOPLE ARE SAYING DON'T GET VACCINATED. 541 00:29:52,123 --> 00:29:53,057 THEY'RE GOING TO KILL YOU. 542 00:29:53,124 --> 00:29:54,225 DON'T LISTEN TO THOSE PEOPLE. 543 00:29:54,292 --> 00:29:57,829 >> Stephen: I FORGET ABOUT THE BAMBOO BALLOTS, BECAUSE THEY 544 00:29:57,896 --> 00:30:02,333 GROUND UP THE BALLOTS AND THE ONLY WAY TO GET RID OF PAPER AND 545 00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:05,570 BAMBOO IS TO FEED IT TO CHICKENS. 546 00:30:05,637 --> 00:30:06,538 >> OBVIOUSLY. 547 00:30:06,604 --> 00:30:07,772 >> Stephen: THEN YOU HAVE TO BURN THE CHICKENS. 548 00:30:07,839 --> 00:30:11,176 >> AND YOU CAN GELT BARBECUE OUT OF IT AND YOU GET THE CHICKEN 549 00:30:11,242 --> 00:30:14,145 POOP. 550 00:30:14,212 --> 00:30:17,482 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT DON'T GO AWAY 551 00:30:17,549 --> 00:30:20,685 BECAUSE WHEN WE COME BACK I WILL ASK JOY ABOUT DIFFERENT ANCHORS 552 00:30:20,752 --> 00:30:22,887 ON DIFFERENT NEWS NETWORKS WHO POOH-POOH THE VACCINE AND WON'T 553 00:30:22,954 --> 00:30:24,889 SAY WHETHER THEY HAVE BEEN INOCULATED. 554 00:30:24,956 --> 00:30:25,557 STICK AROUND. 555 00:30:36,434 --> 00:30:39,871 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 556 00:30:39,938 --> 00:30:41,506 WE ARE BACK! 557 00:30:41,573 --> 00:30:47,745 WE ARE BACK WITH THE HOST OF "THE REIDOUT" ON MSNBC, JOY 558 00:30:47,812 --> 00:30:48,980 REID. 559 00:30:49,047 --> 00:30:53,384 AS A JOURNALIST, WHO I ASSUME YOU SEE IT AS YOUR JOB TO TRY TO 560 00:30:53,451 --> 00:30:56,221 BRING THE TRUTH THROUGH REPORTING AND DIALOGUE TO THE 561 00:30:56,287 --> 00:30:58,089 PEOPLE OUT THERE. 562 00:30:58,156 --> 00:30:59,290 >> YEAH. 563 00:30:59,357 --> 00:31:03,795 >> Stephen: WHEN YOU SEE OTHER ANCHORS ON DIFFERENT NETWORKS 564 00:31:03,861 --> 00:31:08,333 QUESTIONING WHETHER VACCINES ARE GOOD OR BAD FOR YOU AND NOT 565 00:31:08,399 --> 00:31:09,067 REVEALING WHETHER THEY HAVE BEEN VACCINATED, DO YOU HAVE ANY 566 00:31:09,133 --> 00:31:10,268 PARTICULAR REACTION TO THAT? 567 00:31:10,335 --> 00:31:14,339 >> WHEN WE HAD OUR SHOW CALL THIS MORNING, THIS TOOK UP 568 00:31:14,405 --> 00:31:15,406 THREE-QUARTERS OF IT. 569 00:31:15,473 --> 00:31:18,343 NUMBER ONE, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE WHY FOLKS AT THAT 570 00:31:18,409 --> 00:31:22,347 PARTICULAR NETWORK, WE ALL KNOW WHO WE MEAN, WOULD WANT TO KILL 571 00:31:22,413 --> 00:31:23,414 THEIR OWN VIEWERS. 572 00:31:23,481 --> 00:31:26,050 THEIR VIEWERS ARE OLDER, MORE SUSCEPTIBLE TO COVID. 573 00:31:26,117 --> 00:31:28,686 >> Stephen: I HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT THAT. 574 00:31:28,753 --> 00:31:32,357 >> AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE POINT IS OF KILLING THEM 575 00:31:32,423 --> 00:31:36,361 BECAUSE EVERYONE ON AIR AT FOX HAS BEEN VACCINATED. 576 00:31:36,427 --> 00:31:37,662 I WOULD PUT ANY MONEY ON IT. 577 00:31:37,729 --> 00:31:38,863 THEY WERE VACCINATED FIRST. 578 00:31:38,930 --> 00:31:42,100 I'M SURE THEY SHOVED LITTLE OLD LADIES OUT OF THE WAY TO GET 579 00:31:42,166 --> 00:31:43,334 THEIR VACCINES FIRST. 580 00:31:43,401 --> 00:31:47,405 THEY'RE ALL VACCINATED, LIVING IN REMOTE CABINS IS THAT NO WAY 581 00:31:47,472 --> 00:31:51,409 THE CORPORATION WOULD ALLOW THEM IN THE BUILDING WITHOUT BEING 582 00:31:51,476 --> 00:31:54,245 VACS MADE. 583 00:31:54,312 --> 00:31:57,382 >> RUPERT WENT IN A FLEET TO GET VACS MADE. 584 00:31:57,448 --> 00:31:58,583 THEY'RE ALL VACCINATED. 585 00:31:58,650 --> 00:32:01,886 IF THEY'RE TELLING YOU NOT TO DO IT, YOU HAVE TO ASK WHY THEY 586 00:32:01,953 --> 00:32:04,255 DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU WHEN YOU'RE THEIR BASE. 587 00:32:04,322 --> 00:32:07,258 AGAIN, THE PEOPLE SAYING THIS, WHAT IS IN IT FOR THEM, FOR 588 00:32:07,325 --> 00:32:08,559 THEIR OWN PEOPLE TO TIE? 589 00:32:08,626 --> 00:32:14,699 >> Stephen: IS ONE OF THEIR SPONSORS A COFFIN MANUFACTURER? 590 00:32:14,766 --> 00:32:15,300 THE NEXT STEP. 591 00:32:15,366 --> 00:32:17,702 ( LAUGHTER ) WHAT'S NEXT? 592 00:32:17,769 --> 00:32:19,904 WALK-IN BATHTUBS IS THE NEXT STEP. 593 00:32:19,971 --> 00:32:22,940 JUST PUT A LID ON IT. 594 00:32:23,007 --> 00:32:31,115 ( LAUGHTER ) NOWE DON'T HAVE WALK-IN TUBS AS 595 00:32:31,182 --> 00:32:33,418 SPONSOR ANYMORE DO WE? 596 00:32:33,484 --> 00:32:33,885 >> NO. 597 00:32:33,951 --> 00:32:35,420 >> Stephen: GOOD! 598 00:32:35,486 --> 00:32:39,390 BIDEN BLAMED Facebook FOR MISINFORMATION. 599 00:32:39,457 --> 00:32:40,191 RIGHT. 600 00:32:40,258 --> 00:32:41,259 >> RIGHT. 601 00:32:41,326 --> 00:32:43,528 THE TARGETING OF ANTI-VAX RHETORIC IS SIMILAR TO THE 602 00:32:43,594 --> 00:32:47,765 TARGETING WE SAW DURING THE ELECTION IN 2016 AND 2020, AND 603 00:32:47,832 --> 00:32:53,671 THE TARGETS HAVE BEEN REPUBLICANS, PARTICULARLY WHITE 604 00:32:53,738 --> 00:32:55,506 EVANGELICAL REPUBLICANS, AFRICAN-AMERICANS AND LATINOS. 605 00:32:55,573 --> 00:32:59,243 SURPRISE, SURPRISE, THE SAME THREE GROUPS ARE TARGETING AGAIN 606 00:32:59,310 --> 00:33:02,580 WITH ANTI-VACS INFORMATION FROM A VERY SMALL NUMBER OF PEOPLE 607 00:33:02,647 --> 00:33:06,684 AND THEY SEEM TERMED TO GET THAT TRIAD OF PEOPLE TO NOT BE 608 00:33:06,751 --> 00:33:07,919 VACCINATED. 609 00:33:07,985 --> 00:33:10,588 WHEN IT COMES TO THE PEOPLE OF COLOR, I GET IT, THEY DON'T CARE 610 00:33:10,655 --> 00:33:11,656 ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE. 611 00:33:11,723 --> 00:33:15,827 BUT AGAIN I GO BACK TO EVANGELICAL REPUBLICANS BEING 612 00:33:15,893 --> 00:33:19,530 THE BIGGEST TARGET OF THIS DISINFORMATION CAMPAIGN, I DON'T 613 00:33:19,597 --> 00:33:20,698 UNDERSTAND. 614 00:33:20,765 --> 00:33:22,934 I MEAN, THE TRUMP FOLLOWING IS IN MANY WAYS FUNDAMENTALLY A 615 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:24,135 CULT. 616 00:33:24,202 --> 00:33:27,338 IT'S A CULT IN EVERY SENSE AND NOW IT APPEARS TO BE SORT OF A 617 00:33:27,405 --> 00:33:28,206 JIM JONES ERA CULT. 618 00:33:28,272 --> 00:33:29,807 >> Stephen: A DEATH CULT. 619 00:33:29,874 --> 00:33:30,808 A DEATH CULT. 620 00:33:30,875 --> 00:33:33,177 >> Stephen: THAT'S ULTIMATELY WHO WHERE IT ENDS. 621 00:33:33,244 --> 00:33:36,481 IF THE LEADER DOESN'T CARE WHETHER YOU LIVE OR DIE THAT'S A 622 00:33:36,547 --> 00:33:37,582 DEATH CULT. 623 00:33:37,648 --> 00:33:40,351 >> I'VE SAID IT BEFORE, A RELIGION IS WHEN YOUR SAVIOR 624 00:33:40,418 --> 00:33:42,453 DIES FOR YOU. 625 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:46,958 A CULT IS WHEN YOU'RE BEING ASKED TO DIE FOR YOUR SAVIOR. 626 00:33:47,024 --> 00:33:49,427 UNFORTUNATELY, THAT IS WHERE WE ARE WITH THE REPUBLICAN PARTY. 627 00:33:49,494 --> 00:33:52,663 MY FATHER LEANED REPUBLICAN. 628 00:33:52,730 --> 00:33:53,731 THIS ISN'T BECAUSE I DISLIKE REPUBLICANS I'M SAYING IT. 629 00:33:53,798 --> 00:33:55,900 THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG AND BROKEN IN THE PARTY AND, 630 00:33:55,967 --> 00:33:59,971 UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S A PARTY THAT NOW FUNDAMENTALLY DOESN'T 631 00:34:00,037 --> 00:34:03,408 BELIEVE IN DEMOCRACY, IS IN FAVOR OF KILLING YOURSELF BUT 632 00:34:03,474 --> 00:34:08,479 NOT PROTECTING YOURSELF FROM A DEADLY VIRUS, AND WANTS TO 633 00:34:08,546 --> 00:34:11,449 ENSURE THAT THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T DIE VOTE FOR THEM AND WIN? 634 00:34:11,516 --> 00:34:14,218 I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE MATH. 635 00:34:14,285 --> 00:34:16,621 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I WAS NEVER GOOD 636 00:34:16,687 --> 00:34:17,555 AT MATH. 637 00:34:17,622 --> 00:34:20,091 ( LAUGHTER ) BEFORE WE GO, I WANT TO HIT YOU 638 00:34:20,158 --> 00:34:22,160 WITH A COUPLE OF THINGS. 639 00:34:22,226 --> 00:34:26,631 YOU'RE CELEBRATING TOMORROW YOUR FIRST YEAR OF "THE REIDOUT." 640 00:34:26,697 --> 00:34:27,765 >> YES. 641 00:34:27,832 --> 00:34:29,267 >> Stephen: AND THIS YEAR CELEBRATES 25 YEARS OF MSNBC. 642 00:34:29,333 --> 00:34:29,834 >> YEAH. 643 00:34:29,901 --> 00:34:34,172 >> Stephen: ON THE AIR. 644 00:34:34,238 --> 00:34:38,409 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MSNBC'S HAD A LOT OF TAG LINES 645 00:34:38,476 --> 00:34:41,813 OVER THE YEARS, AND I WANT TO TAKE YOU BACK TO 1977 ALL THE 646 00:34:41,879 --> 00:34:45,183 WAY TO TODAY, TELL ME WHAT YOUR FAVORITE IS. 647 00:34:45,249 --> 00:34:47,652 1997, IT'S TIME TO GET CONNECTED. 648 00:34:47,718 --> 00:34:48,920 THAT'S VERY EARLY INTERNET. 649 00:34:48,986 --> 00:34:50,488 I DON'T THINK SO. 650 00:34:50,555 --> 00:34:54,859 2003, AMERICA'S NEWS CHANNEL. 651 00:34:54,926 --> 00:34:57,261 THAT'S A LITTLE FOXY. 652 00:34:57,328 --> 00:35:01,399 2007, A FULLER SPECTRUM OF NEWS. 653 00:35:01,466 --> 00:35:06,571 THAT SOUNDS LIKE A DYING KNOW -- DIAGNOSIS. 654 00:35:06,637 --> 00:35:10,107 ALSO 2007, AMERICA'S FASTEST GROWING NEWS CHANNEL. 655 00:35:10,174 --> 00:35:10,808 NICE. 656 00:35:10,875 --> 00:35:12,944 2008, THE PLACE FOR POLITICS. 657 00:35:13,010 --> 00:35:16,080 THAT'S GOOD IN AN ELECTION YEAR. 658 00:35:16,147 --> 00:35:17,014 >> YEAH, ABSOLUTELY. 659 00:35:17,081 --> 00:35:20,485 >> Stephen: 2010, A BIG ONE -- LEAN FORWARD. 660 00:35:20,551 --> 00:35:21,452 >> YEAH. 661 00:35:21,519 --> 00:35:22,653 >> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LEAN FORWARD. 662 00:35:22,720 --> 00:35:25,556 >> WELL, THIS HAS BEEN ONE OF THE CRITICISMS FROM THOSE WHO 663 00:35:25,623 --> 00:35:26,324 WORK WITH ME, THEY TELL ME WHEN I AM ON AIR I LEAN FORWARD, SO 664 00:35:26,390 --> 00:35:27,825 MAYBE THAT'S ABOUT ME PERSONALLY. 665 00:35:27,892 --> 00:35:30,027 >> Stephen: AND PRESENTLY THIS IS THE ONE I LIKE BECAUSE IT'S A 666 00:35:30,094 --> 00:35:32,063 LITTLE BIT BELLIGERENT. 667 00:35:32,129 --> 00:35:35,399 RIGHT NOW THE MOTTO IS, THIS IS WHO WE ARE. 668 00:35:35,466 --> 00:35:35,967 >> YEAH. 669 00:35:36,033 --> 00:35:37,001 >> Stephen: THIS IS IT. 670 00:35:37,068 --> 00:35:37,535 THIS IS IT. 671 00:35:37,602 --> 00:35:41,272 THIS IS WHAT YOU GET. 672 00:35:41,339 --> 00:35:44,342 >> Stephen: WELL, JOY, IT WAS LOVELY TO SEE YOU, THANK YOU SO 673 00:35:44,408 --> 00:35:45,877 MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 674 00:35:45,943 --> 00:35:46,944 >> THIS WAS FUN. 675 00:35:47,011 --> 00:35:52,416 >> Stephen: "THE REIDOUT" AIRS WEEK NIGHTS ON MSNBC. 676 00:35:52,483 --> 00:35:55,653 JOY REID, EVERYBODY WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY 677 00:35:55,720 --> 00:35:57,021 ALESSIA CARA. 678 00:35:57,088 --> 00:35:57,688 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 679 00:36:19,243 --> 00:36:21,712 ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 680 00:36:21,779 --> 00:36:24,482 >> ON THE MISINFORMATION, WHAT'S YOUR MESSAGE TO PLATFORMS LIKE 681 00:36:24,549 --> 00:36:27,518 Facebook? 682 00:36:27,585 --> 00:36:28,920 >> THEY'RE KILLING PEOPLE. 683 00:36:28,986 --> 00:36:29,420 HOLD ON. 684 00:36:29,487 --> 00:36:30,988 I KILL PEOPLE, OKAY. 685 00:36:31,055 --> 00:36:33,524 Facebook IS JUST A FORM THAT ACTIVELY AMPLIFIES 686 00:36:33,591 --> 00:36:35,693 MISINFORMATION THAT KILLS PEOPLE. 687 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:38,296 I DON'T WANT TO BE PETTY BUT THEY ALSO DO IT FOR PROFIT WHICH 688 00:36:38,362 --> 00:36:39,630 IS HONESTLY KIND OF SELLING OUT. 689 00:36:48,906 --> 00:36:50,241 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 690 00:36:50,308 --> 00:36:54,078 PERFORMING HER NEW SINGLE, "SWEET DREAM," FROM "NIAGARA 691 00:36:54,145 --> 00:36:56,647 FALLS," ALESSIA CARA ♪ ♪ ♪ 692 00:37:02,553 --> 00:37:05,056 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 4:55, 693 00:37:05,122 --> 00:37:09,327 EVERYBODY ELSE IS SNORING ♪ MY HEAVY EYES, 694 00:37:09,393 --> 00:37:11,596 I CAN NEVER SEEM TO CLOSE 'EM ♪ MY RUNNING MIND, JUST CAN'T 695 00:37:11,662 --> 00:37:17,368 CATCH YOU WHEN IT'S GOING ♪ IS IT LATE AT NIGHT OR IS IT 696 00:37:17,435 --> 00:37:19,136 EARLY IN THE MORNIN'? 697 00:37:19,203 --> 00:37:23,107 ♪ ONLY, SO MANY SHEEP A GIRL CAN COUNT 698 00:37:23,174 --> 00:37:25,843 ♪ PATCHOULI CANDLES BURNIN' OUT I TRY TO MEDITATE IT ALL AWAY 699 00:37:25,910 --> 00:37:29,547 ♪ BUT DAMN, IT IS TOO QUIET NOW DAYLIGHT HELPS DISTRACT MY HEAD 700 00:37:29,614 --> 00:37:32,016 ♪ MONSTERS HIDE UNDER MY BED THEY BOTHER ME WITH ALL KINDS 701 00:37:32,083 --> 00:37:35,353 ♪ OF THINGS LIKE WHERE DO I GO WHEN I'M DEAD? 702 00:37:35,419 --> 00:37:39,590 ♪ IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A SWEET DREAM? 703 00:37:39,657 --> 00:37:42,026 ♪ NEED A STEP BACK FROM MY FEELINGS 704 00:37:42,093 --> 00:37:45,863 ♪ LIFE IS NOT SO BAD WHEN I'M SLEEPING 705 00:37:45,930 --> 00:37:53,571 ♪ IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK, TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A 706 00:37:53,638 --> 00:37:57,875 ♪ A SWEET DREAM FOR ♪ SWEET DREAM 707 00:37:57,942 --> 00:37:59,577 ♪ 6:58, SUN'S PEAKIN' THROUGH THE 708 00:37:59,644 --> 00:38:04,515 ♪ CURTAINS I DRIFT AWAY, SUDDENLY THE 709 00:38:04,582 --> 00:38:08,085 ♪ WHEELS ARE TURNIN' SONGS ARE IN MY HEAD, 710 00:38:08,152 --> 00:38:11,522 ♪ SCARY THOUGHTS BEGIN TO WORSEN ONCE I'M WIDE AWAKE, 711 00:38:11,589 --> 00:38:15,693 ♪ IT'S TOO HARD TO REVERSE IT CHIRPIN' BIRDS ARE FLYING 'ROUND 712 00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:18,896 ♪ MY HOUSE PATCHOULI CANDLES BURNIN' OUT 713 00:38:18,963 --> 00:38:22,867 ♪ I TRY TO MEDITATE IT ALL AWAY BUT DAMN, IT IS TOO QUIET NOW 714 00:38:22,933 --> 00:38:24,935 ♪ DAYLIGHT HELPS DISTRACT MY HEAD 715 00:38:25,002 --> 00:38:27,204 ♪ MONSTERS HIDE UNDER MY BED THEY BOTHER ME WITH ALL KINDS OF 716 00:38:27,271 --> 00:38:30,908 ♪ THINGS LIKE THAT ONE STUPID THING I SAID 717 00:38:30,975 --> 00:38:33,944 ♪ IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A SWEET DREAM? 718 00:38:34,011 --> 00:38:35,546 (SWEET DREAM) ♪ NEED A STEP BACK FROM MY 719 00:38:35,613 --> 00:38:39,183 FEELINGS (FEELINGS) 720 00:38:39,250 --> 00:38:45,489 ♪ LIFE IS NOT SO BAD WHEN I'M SLEEPING IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK, 721 00:38:45,556 --> 00:38:51,195 ♪ TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A A SWEET DREAM 722 00:38:51,262 --> 00:38:59,203 ♪ FOR A SWEET DREAM A SWEET DREAM 723 00:38:59,270 --> 00:39:11,182 ♪ FOR A SWEET DREAM ♪ SANDMAN, CAN YOU VISIT ME? 724 00:39:11,248 --> 00:39:18,923 ALL I WANT IS A SWEET DREAM ♪ 8:31, 725 00:39:18,989 --> 00:39:23,194 I'M SLURRIN' EVERY WORD NOW I ♪ PRAY THIS COLD COFFEE HELPS ME 726 00:39:23,260 --> 00:39:27,198 WITH THE REBOUND ♪ HOW DOES EVERYBODY I KNOW, 727 00:39:27,264 --> 00:39:29,366 KNOW HOW TO SLEEP SOUND? 728 00:39:29,433 --> 00:39:33,771 ♪ WHEN WE'RE ALL A MESS, I GUESS THE ONLY WAY OUT 729 00:39:33,838 --> 00:39:35,206 ♪ IS A A SWEET DREAM 730 00:39:35,272 --> 00:39:42,880 (SWEET DREAM, SWEET DREAM) ♪ IS A SWEET DREAM 731 00:39:42,947 --> 00:39:47,184 ♪ A SWEET DREAM (OH YEAH, YEAH, AYY, AYY) 732 00:39:47,251 --> 00:39:51,789 ♪ IS A SWEET DREAM ♪ ♪ ♪ 733 00:39:51,856 --> 00:39:56,594 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 734 00:39:56,660 --> 00:40:00,464 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: ALESSIA CARA, 735 00:40:00,531 --> 00:40:01,565 EVERYBODY. 736 00:40:01,632 --> 00:40:06,337 CHECK OUT ANOTHER SONG FROM HER AT COLBERTLATESHOW.COM 737 00:40:06,403 --> 00:40:07,238 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 738 00:40:12,710 --> 00:40:13,811 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 739 00:40:13,878 --> 00:40:15,412 >> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE SHOW. 740 00:40:15,479 --> 00:40:19,316 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE JASON SUDEIKIS. 741 00:40:19,383 --> 00:40:20,284 GOODNIGHT. 742 00:40:20,351 --> 00:40:21,352 ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )