>> DR. ANTHONY FAUCI SAYING THIS MORNING, TALKING ABOUT THE
DANGERS OF DISINFORMATION.
TAKE A LISTEN.
>> PROBABLY WOULD STILL HAVE SMALLPOX AND WE PROBABLY WOULD
STILL HAVE POLIO IN THIS COUNTRY IF WE HAD THE KIND OF FALSE
INFORMATION THAT'S BEING SPREAD NOW.
IF WE HAD THAT BACK DECADES AGO, I WOULD BE CERTAIN THAT WE WOULD
STILL HAVE POLIO IN THIS COUNTRY.
>> THE Facebook VARIETY HOUR PRESENTS VAX-SCREAM!
THE POLIO VACCINE CONTINUES ITS ROLLOUT, BUT WHAT DO WE REALLY
KNOW ABOUT IT?
SURE, SCIENCE SAYS IT'S EFFECTIVE, BUT THEY ALSO SAID
THIS WAS THE FUTURE OF THE AIR TRAVEL!
AND LOOK HOW THIN THOSE VACCINE NEEDLES ARE -- COULD THEY BE
MADE FROM THE WHISKERS OF STALIN'S MUSTACHE?
AND I HEAR EVERY TIME I SAY IT THAT THE VACCINE CONTAINS
MINIATURE RADIO TRANSMITTERS SO NOW THAT HUMANS CAN TRACK YOUR
CHILDREN AND USE THEIR HULA HOOPS AS MISSILE TARGETS!
WILL THE VACCINE LEAVE YOU STERILE AND MAGNETIZED?
SO NO MATTER HOW ATTRACTED YOU ARE, YOU WILL NEVER IMPREGNATE A
REFRIGERATOR.
SO LET THIS BE A WARNING, AMERICA -- DON'T LET DR. SALK
MIND CONTROL YOU.
PICK UP A "DON'T SALK MY SOUTH DAKOTA" BUTTON TODAY!
THIS MESSAGE BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF IRON
LUNG MANUFACTURERS.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!
TONIGHT, STEPHEN WELCOMES JOY REID!
AND MUSICAL GUEST ALESSIA CARA, FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY
HUMAN."
AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
NICE TO SEE YOU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S BEAUTIFUL!
PLEASE HAVE A SEAT!
SIT, SIT, SIT!
SIT, EVERYBODY!
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW," I'M YOUR SHOWS, STEPHEN
COLBERT.
I HOPE -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
FEELING GOOD?
>> Jon: FEELING GREAT.
>> Stephen: I HOPE EVERYBODY HAD A GREAT WEEKEND.
YESTERDAY I HAD A LOVELY DAY.
EVIE AND I WEREN'T TO A PLACE ON THE HUDSON RIVER, WHAT'S IT
CALLED, LITTLE ISLAND, WHICH IS A SMALL LITTLE MANMADE ISLAND
THEY'VE GOT THERE.
IT'S KIND OF BEAUTIFUL JUST TO SEE HOW IT'S BUILT, YOU KNOW,
TOOK IN SOME FRESH AIR.
>> Jon: OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: TOOK IN THE BEAUTIFUL VIEWS.
YOU KNOW, TESTED OUT WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO FLEE FROM
HUMANITY OFF THE ISLAND.
YOU COULD BLOW THE BRIDGE, CUT OFF FROM THE LAND.
YOU HAVE FIELDS, YOU COULD GROW CORN.
THE HUDSON RIVER IS TECHNICALLY A WATER SOURCE.
( LAUGHTER ) AD THE REASON I'M THINKING
ABOUT ABANDONING HUMANITY IS, REMEMBER
THAT PANDEMIC WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE COMING OUT OF?
WELL, DON'T SUPPOSE TOO FAST.
BECAUSE COVID CASES ARE RISING IN ALL 50 U.S. STATES.
( BOOING ) THAT'S WHERE I LIVE!
WE COULD SEE A RETURN TO PANDEMIC LOCKDOWNS, BECAUSE IN
JUST ONE WEEK, U.S. COVID INFECTIONS ROSE NEARLY 70
PERCENT.
NO!
I WON'T GIVE UP MY AUDIENCE EVEN --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NEVER!
>> Jon: WE CAN'T!
WE CAN'T GIVE THAT UP!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: WHOA!
WHOO!
>> Stephen: I DON'T CARE IF THEY HAVE TO BE NOTHING BUT A
BROOM WITH GOOGLY EYES.
THIS GUY KNOWS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S NOT EVEN SWEEPS WEEK.
( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THAT'S THE SHOW, EVERYBODY.
GOOD NIGHT.
( APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
IT'S ALL DUE TO THE SPREAD OF THE DELTA VARIANT.
THE DELTA VARIANT SOUNDS LIKE A FRAT HOUSE THAT'S A DISEASE
VECTOR.
SO, A FRAT HOUSE.
( LAUGHTER ) THE DELTA STRAIN IS MORE
TRANSMISSIBLE THAN ANY OTHER VARIANT BECAUSE IT HAS MULTIPLE
MUTATIONS.
AND NOT ONE OF THEM INCLUDES MUTTON CHOPS AND ADAMANTINIUM
CLAWS.
THE SURGE OF COVID CASES HAS LED LOS ANGELES COUNTY TO REINSTATE
INDOOR MASK REQUIREMENTS FOR EVERYONE REGARDLESS OF
VACCINATION STATUS.
TYPICAL LOS ANGELES, EVEN THE VIRUS IS PITCHING A SEQUEL.
ONE MAJOR FACTOR KEEPING PEOPLE FROM GETTING VACCINATED IS THE
LIES AND MISINFORMATION THEY READ ON SOCIAL MEDIA, ESPECIALLY
FACEBOOK.
U.S. SURGEON GENERAL DR VIVAYK MORTHY WARNED THAT HEALTH
MISINFORMATION IS A SERIOUS THREAT TO PUBLIC HEALTH.
MAKES YOU MISS THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHEN FACEBOOK'S PRIMARY FUNCTION
WAS HELPING YOU FIND UNFLATTERING PICTURES OF YOUR
EX'S NEW BOYFRIEND.
CARGO SHORTS?
THERE'S NO WAY DIANE'S HAPPY WITH HIM.
( LAUGHTER ) THEN WHY IS SHE SMILING?
( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO TWINKLE )
COVID IS ALSO CAUSING A LOT OF TROUBLE FOR THE OLYMPICS, OR AS
I'M CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGED TO CALL THEM: THE PERFECT TWO WEEK
PERIOD FOR YOU TO ENJOY CLASSIC BLUE BLOODS RERUNS.
ONLY CBS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE GAMES ARE SET TO BEGIN IN
TOKYO ON FRIDAY, BUT AS OF TODAY, THE NUMBER OF COVID CASES
LINKED TO THE OLYMPICS HAS RISEN TO 61.
I SAID IT BEFORE, I'LL SAY IT AGAIN: IT WAS WRONG TO MAKE
TONSIL HOCKEY AN OLYMPIC SPORT.
( LAUGHTER ) AT THIS RATE, THERE'S NOT GOING
TO BE ANY HEALTHY HUMANS LEFT TO COMPETE IN THE GAMES.
SO CONGRATULATIONS IN ADVANCE TO THIS YEAR'S GOLD MEDALIST IN
BOXING: THE BLUE ROCK 'EM SOCK 'EM ROBOT.
( LAUGHTER ) OLYMPIC ORGANIZERS ARE DOING
EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO PREVENT THE SPREAD OF COVID.
LIKE IN THE OLYMPIC VILLAGE, WHERE WE LEARNED ATHLETES WILL
HAVE TO SLEEP ON BEDS THAT ARE ALLEGEDLY DESIGNED TO COLLAPSE
UNDER THE WEIGHT OF ANY MORE THAN ONE OCCUPANT IN ORDER TO
DISCOURAGE SEX.
( LAUGHTER ) YES.
YEAH.
BECAUSE WE KNOW IF THERE'S ONE THING
WORLD-CLASS ATHLETES CAN'T DO, IT'S HAVE SEX IN UNUSUAL
POSITIONS.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
JUST BE SURE TO STICK THE LANDING.
( LAUGHTER ) SO LET'S SEE THIS ANTI-SEX BED:
WOW!
EVERY EXPENSE WAS SPARED.
( LAUGHTER ) IT LOOKS LIKE THEY BUILT AN IKEA
WARDROBE, THEN MADE A BED OUT OF THE BOX IT CAME IN.
( LAUGHTER ) SO FAR, ATHLETES DO NOT SEEM
DETERRED FROM GETTIN' IT ON.
AS AMERICAN TRACK STAR PAUL CHELEEMO NOTED, WHILE
THE BEDS HAVE A WEIGHT RESTRICTION OF 440 POUNDS, I SEE
NO PROBLEM FOR DISTANCE RUNNERS, EVEN FOUR OF US CAN DO.
FOUR.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FOUR.
WORD OF WARNING: YOU DON'T WANNA HAVE SEX WITH DISTANCE RUNNERS.
THEY'RE ALWAYS TRYING TO GET THEIR TIME DOWN, THEIR NIPPLES
BLEED, AND YOU HAVE TO GIVE 'EM A CUP OF WATER IN THE MIDDLE.
( LAUGHTER ) ONE OLYMPIAN, IRISH GYMNAST RHYS
MCCLENAGAN, WENT SO FAR AS TO TEST OUT THE STRUCTURAL
INTEGRITY OF THE BED.
TAKE A LOOK: >> THEY'RE MADE OUT OF
CARDBOARD, YES, BUT APPARENTLY THEY'RE MEANT TO BREAK AT ANY
SUDDEN MOVEMENTS.
IT'S FAKE.
FAKE NEWS.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: FAKE NEWS!
GREAT NEWS FOR RANDY OLYMPIANS, EVEN BETTER NEWS FOR ANYONE WHO
HAS SEX WITH THAT GUY.
(IRISH ACCENT) OOOH, YES!
YES!
SMACK ME WITH THE SHILLELAGH RIGHT IN THE BLARNEY STONES
THAT'S GOOD.
THAT WAS A LITTLE SCOOTISH.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, THE BUZZKILLS OVER AT
FACT-CHECK VILLAGE HAVE SPENT THE AFTERNOON DEBUNKING THE
RUMORS COMING FROM THE ATHLETES THEMSELVES, AND INSTEAD CLAIM
THAT THE BEDS WERE MADE OF CARDBOARD SO THAT THEY COULD BE
RECYCLED INTO PAPER PRODUCTS AFTER THE OLYMPICS.
I CAN'T WAIT FOR SIX MONTHS FROM NOW TO READ TOILET PAPER LABELS
THAT READ MADE FROM 100% RECYCLED OLYMPIC SEX BED.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I GUESS IT WILL SELL.
AND ATHLETES, REMEMBER: IF YOU'RE RECYCLING, YOU GOTTA
BREAK DOWN YOUR OLYMPIC SEX BED.
( LAUGHTER ) AND MAKE SURE TO SEPARATE YOUR
SEX BED FROM YOUR SEX BOTTLES AND YOUR SEX CANS.
( LAUGHTER ) SPEAKING OF LOSING SLEEP, THE
FBI IS STILL TRACKING DOWN JANUARY 6TH INSURRECTIONISTS.
I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S:
SEDITIONIST ROUND-UP ROUNDUP.
♪♪ >> CUD YOU BEEF IN ANY MORE
TROUBLE?
>> Stephen: FIRST UP, ARIZONA RESIDENT AND FRED FLINTSTONE
AFTER HIS YABBA DABBA D.U.I., NATHAN WAYNE
ENTREKIN.
ENTREKIN IS CHARGED WITH VIOLENT ENTRY AND DISORDERLY CONDUCT,
BUT HE'S MOST NOTABLE BECAUSE ON JANUARY 6TH, HE WAS WEARING, AS
THE F.B.I. AFFIDAVIT ACTUALLY PUT IT: A PLUS SIZE ROMAN
GLADIATOR COSTUME.
( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, THE PLUS-SIZE
GLADIATOR IS THE ONE THEY SEND IN ON THE LIONS' CHEAT DAY.
( LAUGHTER ) COSTUME WASN'T EXACTLY
AUTHENTIC, CHECK OUT THE THE JORTS.
( LAUGHTER ) I BELIEVE HE PICKED UP THAT
OUTFIT AT A T.J. MAXXIMUS.
( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )
NOT TO CORRECT THE F.B.I., BUT -- FAR BE IT FROM ME TO CORRECT
THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS, BUT
TECHNICALLY, ENTRIKEN WASN'T DRESSED AS A ROMAN.
HE TOLD AUTHORITIES THAT HE WAS COSPLAYING AS SOMEONE NAMED
CAPTAIN MORONI, WHO WAS A FIGURE IN THE MORMON FAITH WHO FOUGHT
AGAINST AN ATTEMPT TO OVERTHROW A DEMOCRACY.
AND NOT, AS I THOUGHT, THE PLURAL OF CAPTAIN MORON.
( LAUGHTER ) OKAY, COSPLAYING AS AN OBSCURE
RELIGIOUS FIGURE SOUNDS PRETTY NERDY.
BUT THAT'S NOT EVEN THE TIP OF THE GEEKBERG BECAUSE, ACCORDING
TO THE F.B.I., ENTRIKEN FILMED VIDEOS ON HIS CELLPHONE,
NARRATING THE ACTION FOR HIS MOTHER, WITH WHOM HE LIVES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NATHAN!
( APPLAUSE ) NATHAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU CAN'T FILM YOURSELF AT A RIOT AND SEND IT TO YOUR MOM.
SAVE THOSE STORIES FOR WHEN SHE TUCKS YOU IN AT NIGHT.
( LAUGHTER ) IN THE VIDEOS, ENTRIKEN FILMED
THE RIOT AND SAID THINGS LIKE: >> WOW, MOM.
I WISH YOU WERE HERE WITH ME.
MOM, LOOK, I MADE IT TO THE TOP.
AND HERE COMES THE RIOT POLICE, MOM.
OKAY, THAT'S A MOTHER-SON BOND.
I'M SORRY, I MEANT BAIL-BOND.
BUT GOOD NEWS NATHAN.
IF THEY CONVICT YOU, YOU'RE GETTING YOUR OWN PLACE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪ HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY ENDING
OKAY.
THERE YOU GO.
NEXT UP ON THE ROUNDUP, SCHENECTADY MAN AND LIVING
EMBODIMENT OF THE TERM BRO, BRANDON FELLOWS.
WE'VE SEEN SOME REAL FASHION CRIMES BEING COMMITTED IN THE
COURSE OF RIOTERS COMMITTING ACTUAL CRIMES, BUT FELLOWS
STANDS OUT AS BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO WORE A GIANT FAKE BEARD MADE
OF YARN.
I HOPE THE CARPET DOESN'T MATCH THE CARDIGAN.
FELLOWS WAS OUT ON BAIL AWAITING TRIAL, UNTIL JUST A FEW DAYS
AGO.
A JUDGE REVOKED HIS BAIL AFTER FELLOWS' PROBATION OFFICER
TESTIFIED THAT FELLOWS FREQUENTLY LEFT HER RAMBLING,
OVERLY LONG VOICEMAILS, INCLUDING ONE WHERE HE
REFERENCED THE SIZE OF HIS GENITALIA AND THE PERFORMANCE OF
HIS GENITALIA.
I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE SIZE OF THIS MAN'S GENITALIA, BUT HE
CERTAINLY SOUNDS LIKE A MASSIVE DICK
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IT'S A JOKE.
IT'S JUST A JOKE.
I'M JUST MAKING JOKES.
IN COURT, FELLOWS APOLOGIZED FOR BEING ANNOYING.
ADDING -- I WOULDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH ME
IF I WERE ON THE OPPOSING SIDE.
A TIP FOR THIS GUY IN JAIL: ON YOUR FIRST DAY, GO OUT IN THE
YARD, AND PUNCH THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON IN THE FACE.
IT WILL BE YOU.
( LAUGHTER ) SPEAKING OF CAPITOL HILL
THERE'S NEWS FROM SENATE MAJORITY LEADER AND
HOMICIDAL MOTHER GOOSE, CHUCK SCHUMER.
LAST WEEK, SCHUMER UNVEILED DRAFT LEGISLATION THAT WOULD
LEGALIZE MARIJUANA.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I THINK WE'LL ALL REMEMBER WHERE
WE WERE WHEN WE HEARD THIS NEWS.
OTHER THAN POT SMOKERS BECAUSE OF THEIR SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS.
SOMEBODY WRITE IT DOWN FOR THEM.
THEY'LL BE REALLY EXCITED.
THE LEGISLATION IS CALLED THE CANNABIS ADMINISTRATION AND
OPPORTUNITY ACT.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE BILL...
...AND SOMEONE'S USED IT TO ROLL A JOINT.
( LAUGHTER ) AT A PRESS CONFERENCE LAST WEEK,
SCHUMER EXPLAINED WHY HE WAS BACKING THE BILL:
>> FOR JUSTICE AND FOR FREEDOM, IT MAKES EMINENT, EMINENT SENSE
TO LEGALIZE MARIJUANA.
>> Stephen: (AS CHUCK SCHUMER) YES WE MUST LEGALIZE IT FOR
LIFE, LIBERTY, AND PURSUIT OF DANKI-NESS.
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE STICKY ICKY, BROSEPH.
BONG LOADS FOR DAYS.
IN COLLEGE, THEY USED TO CALL ME CHEEBA CHUCK.
WELL, NOW CHEEBA'S IN CHARGE AND HE WANTS A FAT LEGAL SACK OF
SKUNKY NUG.
NOW PASS THE DUTCHIE ON THE LEFT HAND SIDE.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, MY GUEST IS THE HOST OF
"THE REIDOUT" ON MSNBC, JOY REID.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, MEANWHILE.
♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND!
JON BATISTE!
♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: HEY!
♪♪ ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ DIDDLE DEE DEE DEE ♪
>> Stephen: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE'RE DOING, ARE WE FISHING
OR RIDING A PONY?
>> Jon: WE'RE RIDING.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, GOOD.
JON, I HAVE A RARE CORRECTION TO MAKE.
I HAVE NEVER MADE A MISTAKE ON THE SHOW BEFORE SO I'M NOT SURE
EXACTLY HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS NOW.
BUT DURING THE MONOLOGUE, REMEMBER THE IRISH GYMNAST
JUMPING ON THE CARDBOARD BED AND SAYING I'M SURE IT'S STURDY
ENOUGH TO HAVE SEX ON, HE WAS IMPLYING.
>> Jon: YES.
>> Stephen: I MISPRONOUNCED HIS NAME.
I BELIEVE I CALLED HIM RYAN MCCLENNAN-HAN-HAN.
( LAUGHTER ) HIS NAME IS REEZE McCLAN
AHAN-A HAN.
( LAUGHTER ) FOLKS, I SPENT A LOT OF TIME
STANDING RIGHT OVER THERE, SETTING
UP MY NEWS EASEL, LAYING IN THE MOST TOPICAL BRUSH STROKES,
CHOOSING THE MOST RELEVANT COLORS, ALL TO FAITHFULLY
CAPTURE FOR YOU, THE SOUL OF THE STORIES OF THE DAY IN THE
OIL-ON-CANVAS MASTERPIECE THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES -- JUST SOMETIMES, FOLKS -- I SET A LIQUOR
STORE ON FIRE AND COME BACK THE NEXT DAY TO SCRAPE SOME CHARCOAL
OFF THE BURNT TIMBERS, USE THE CARDBOARD FROM THE DISCARDED
REFRIGERATOR BOX I'VE BEEN CALLING HOME FOR THE WEEKEND,
THEN HARASS TOURISTS TO ETCH THE OFFENSIVE BOARDWALK CARICATURE
OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: >> (ECHOING VOICE)
MEANWHILE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: IT'S AN-ACIES IN
THE DESERT IS WHAT IT IS.
IT'S A COOL DRINK OF WATER.
GIVES HOPE TO WEARY NATIONS.
"MEANWHILE!"...
( LAUGHTER ) BILLIONAIRE HUMANOID JEFF BEZOS
LAUNCHES HIMSELF INTO SPACE TOMORROW MORNING, AND HE MADE
THE ROUNDS TODAY WITH HIS CREWMATES TO DISCUSS THE MOST
FASCINATING THING ABOUT SPACE EXPLORATION: HIM.
>> EVERYBODY WHO HAS BEEN TO SPACE, EVERY ASTRONAUT COMES
BACK AND THEY SAY IT CHANGED THEM SOMEHOW.
I DON'T KNOW HOW IT'S GOING TO CHANGE ME, BUT I KNOW IT'S GOING
TO AND I'M EXCITED TO FIND OUT HOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT GOING TO MEAN FOR ME.
EVERYBODY WHO'S BEEN TO SPACE SAYS IT CHANGES THEM IN SOME
WAY, I'M JUST REALLY EXCITED TO FIGURE OUT HOW IT'S GOING TO
CHANGE ME.
>> STEPHEN: PERSONALLY, I HOPE IT CHANGES HIM INTO A PERSON WHO
PAYS TAXES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
ANY!
ONE DOLLAR!
( APPLAUSE ) BUT THE TRUE STAR OF THE BLUE
ORIGIN SHOW IS 82 YEAR OLD WALLY FUNK.
A PIONEERING AMERICAN AVIATOR.
THERE SHE IS.
A NAME I ASSUME SHE GOT AFTER REPLACING BOOTSIE COLLINS IN
PARLIAMENT.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, FUNK WAS ONE OF THE
SO-CALLED MERCURY 13, 13 WOMEN WHO WENT THROUGH THE RIGOROUS
MERCURY TRAINING PROGRAM, OFTEN SURPASSING THE MEN, BUT WERE ALL
DENIED THE CHANCE TO BE ON THE MISSION.
BUT NOW SHE'S GOING TO SPACE, AND HERE SHE IS TALKING TO OUR
GOOD FRIEND GAYLE KING THIS MORNING.
>> NOW YOU'RE BEING DESCRIBED AS THE OLDEST PERSON TO GO INTO
SPACE, WHICH I THINK IS VERY COOL.
>> BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M 24.
(LAUGHTER) IT'S GREAT.
>> STEPHEN: OH, YES, WE ALL KNOW FEELING 24 IS GREAT.
Y'KNOW, COULDN'T AFFORD A CAR, SELLING TSHIRTS AT AN IMPROV
THEATER IN CHICAGO, LIVING IN A FRIEND'S
BASEMENT TRYING TO SELL FUTON FRAMES YOU MADE OUT OF 2 BY 4'S,
...OR SO A FRIEND TOLD ME.
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, IN ORDER TO CHANGE
PUBLIC PERCEPTION OF SHARKS AUSTRALIAN SCIENTISTS SEEK TO
REBRAND SHARK 'ATTACKS' AS INTERACTIONS OR INCIDENTS.
AS IN: I'M SORRY MA'A'M, A SHARK INTERACTED WITH YOUR HUSBAND'S
TORSO, AND HE IS EXPERIENCING A NOT BEING ALIVE INCIDENT.
( LAUGHTER ) SCIENTISTS SAY 'ATTACK' IS AN
UNFAIR WORD BECAUSE IT IMPLIES SHARKS HAVE THE INTENTION OF
HURTING PEOPLE.
AND ONE SCIENTIST ADDING: VERY RARELY ARE HUMANS CONSUMED
BY SHARKS.
( LAUGHTER ) I'M GONNA GO WITH ONCE IS
ENOUGH.
( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T THINK PEOPLE WOULD FEEL
GREAT IF MY SHOW CAME WITH THE DISCLAIMER:
VERY RARELY ARE AUDIENCE MEMBERS CONSUMED BY THE HOST.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, A GLOBAL EMOJI TREND REPORT WAS JUST RELEASED
REVEALING THE MOST MISUNDERSTOOD IN THE WORLD.
APPARENTLY AMONG THE MOST CONFUSING EMOJIS FOR USERS, THE
EGGPLANT SYMBOL, EDGED OUT THE PEACH.
( LAUGHTER ) WARNING: DO NOT GOOGLE EGGPLANT
EDGES PEACH.
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, A FINGERPRINT FOUND
ON A 500-YEAR-OLD STATUE MAY BELONG TO MICHELANGELO.
GOT HIM!
NOW WE CAN FINALLY SOLVE THE MYSTERY OF WHO MADE THIS
MICHELANGELO STATUE!
( LAUGHTER ) SO WHERE EXACTLY DID CURATOR'S
FIND THIS 500 YEAR-OLD FINGERPRINT?
ON THE FIGURINE'S BUTTOCKS.
FINGER ON THE BUTT?
CLEARLY MICHELANGELO HAD JUST READ THE JULY 1532 ISSUE OF
IL COSMEPOLITANO - EDIZIONE SEXY.
(BAD ITALIAN ACCENT) THAT-A ONEA CRAZY TRICK THAT
WILL A-MAKE HIM A-SAY ATSA SPICY-A MEAT-A-BALL!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MSNBC'S JOY REID.
♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) -- WELCOME BACK, FOLKS!
MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A POLITICAL ANALYST, AUTHOR AND
THE HOST OF "THE REIDOUT" ON MSNBC, PLEASE WELCOME JOY REID!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
>> WOW!
THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE.
IS THIS LARGER THAN YOUR AUDIENCE OPEN YOUR SHOW.
> SLIGHTLY.
I HAVE A STAGE MANAGER AND ANOTHER LADY.
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT.
YES.
>> Stephen: NICE TO MEET YOU IN PERSON.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WE TALKED BEFORE THE ELECTION.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: RIGHT BEFORE THE 2020 ELECTION.
THAT WAS A HARROWING TIME.
>> IT WAS QUITE A TIME.
>> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT ONE OF THOSE HARROWING TIME WHEN
YOU WERE ON AND I WAS STILL UP IN THE STORAGE ROOM AND I
COULDN'T SEE MY STAFF, BEFORE THE ELECTION, YOU EXPRESSED SOME
TREPIDATION AT THE TIME THAT YOU THOUGHT THAT PERHAPS THE
REPUBLICANS WOULD ATTEMPT TO GAIN THE ELECTION BY CLAIMING
THAT BIDEN ONLY WON THROUGH CHEATING OR SOMETHING AND
UNDERMINE THE LEGITIMACY OF THE ELECTION.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU WERE -- RIGHT.
YES.
>> Stephen: AND I AM CURIOUS IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE YOU
WOULD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT.
>> I DON'T HAVE LOTTERY NUMBERS.
THE REALITY IS IT WASN'T THE POWERS OF PROGNOSTICATION
BECAUSE DONALD TRUMP SAID THAT'S WHAT HE WAS GOING TO.
DO HE MADE IT VERY CLEAR THE ONLY WAY JOE BIDEN COULD WIN THE
ELECTION WAS THROUGH CHEATING AND FRAUD AND WAS TELEGRAPHING
HE WAS GOING TO ANCHOR THAT ALLEGED CHEATING AND FRAUD IN
THE VOTES OF AFRICAN-AMERICANS, AND HE TARGETED CITIES AND
COUNTIES AFTER THE ELECTION, AS EXPECTED, WHERE BLACK AND BROWN
PEOPLE MAJORITY VOTE.
AND IT'S NOT AN UNUSUAL STRATEGY, LET'S JUST SAY, FOR
THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, OVER THE DECADES, TO ALLEGE VOTER FRAUD
AND TO FIXATE THAT VOTER FRAUD ON VOTERS OF COLOR.
IT'S NOT EXACTLY A STRATEGY.
>> Stephen: BUT NOT TO THIS EXTENT.
>> WELL, NOT TO THE POINT WHERE THEY THEN ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO GO
AND OVERTHROW THE RESULT BY INVADING -- PHYSICALLY INVADING
THE CAPITOL.
THAT IS A NEW ONE.
>> Stephen: AND SUCH A LARGE PERCENTAGE OF REPUBLICAN VOTERS
BELIEVE THE BIG LIE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE NEXT TOOL DO YOU THINK THEY MIGHT
USE?
ANYTHING ON THE HORIZON THAT YOU'RE HEARING PEOPLE ALREADY
TALK ABOUT?
>> WHAT'S FRIGHTENING ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENED IS THAT, YOU
KNOW, AGAIN, THERE HAVE BEEN ALWAYS BEEN THESE INTIMATIONS
THAT D.M.s ONLY WIN THROUGH FRAUD.
THIS HAPPENED WHEN PRESIDENT OBAMA WON, YOU KNOW.
THERE WAS THAT MEME THAT HE ONLY WON BECAUSE OF FRAUD.
YOU HAD DURING THE GEORGE W.
BUSH ADMINISTRATION THIS ATTEMPT TO PUSH U.S. ATTORNEYS TO
INVESTIGATE SO-CALLED VOTER RAY FRAUD.
THIS ISN'T A NEW THING, BUT WHAT DONALD TRUMP HAS DONE IS
WEAPONIZED THAT LEARNED FEAR AMONG REPUBLICANS THAT ELECTIONS
ARE BEING REGULARLY STOLEN FROM THEM PARTICULARLY BY VOTERS OF
COLOR, AND WHAT THEY'VE DONE NOW IS USED THAT BIG LIE TO PASS
LAWS TO MAKE IT MUCH, MUCH HARDER FOR PEOPLE OF COLOR, FOR
OLDER PEOPLE, FOR POORER PEOPLE TO VOTE, BECAUSE WHAT THEY'RE
TRYING TO SAY TO THEIR VOTERS IS THE WAY WE'LL FIX THIS FRAUD IS
THAT WE WILL GUARANTEE THAT IF YOU WILL COME TO THE POLLS, WE
WILL GUARANTEE YOU THAT YOU WILL WIN.
IF YOU DON'T WIN AT THE BALLOT BOX, WE'LL FIX IT AFTERWARDS,
AND THAT'S WHAT THE LAWS IN TEXAS AND GEORGIA AND ARIZONA
ARE DOING.
THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE SURE THAT THERE'S A GUARANTEED VICTORY.
>> Stephen: IN TEXAS, FOR THE PEOPLE WHORCHT FOLLOWED, IN
TEXAS, AS IN MANY STATES, BUT IN TEXAS IN PARTICULAR THERE'S AN
ANTI-VOTING RIGHTS BEING PUSHED BY GOVERNOR ABBOTT.
THE TEXAS D.M.s HAVE LEFT SO THERE WON'T BE A QUORUM WHERE
THEY CAN'T VOTE IN THE SESSION.
THEY WILL CERTAINLY STALL IT.
LINDSEY GRAHAM SAYS THE SAME THING WILL HAPPEN WITH THE
REPUBLICANS IN THE UNITED STATES TO STOP THE INFRASTRUCTURE BILL
THAT THEY SHOULD LEAVE.
DO YOU HAVE THOUGHTS ON THAT'S?
>> I THINK THEY SHOULD DO THAT.
I THINK IT'S A GREAT IDEA.
IT'S A PHENOMENAL IDEA.
I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD LISTEN, LISTEN TO LINDSEY GRAHAM.
>> Stephen: BUT THE THING IS WHAT'S ODD ABOUT IT, WHEN I
HEARD HIM SAY THAT, I THOUGHT THE TEXAS PEOPLE LEAVE TEXAS
BECAUSE THE TEXAS GOVERNMENT CAN'T GOO ARREST THEM IN ANOTHER
STATE.
U.S. SENATORS WOULD HAVE TO LEAVE THE UNITED STATES AND
FOREVER BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S A SPECIAL SESSION,
SENATE'S IN.
>> RIGHT.
AND THE OTHER THING IS THE WAY IT WORKS IN THE TEXAS
LEGISLATURE IS NOT THE WAY IT WORKS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
IF THEY LEFT, D.M.s COULD SIMPLY PASS WHATEVER BILLS THEY
WANTED WITH THE SENATORS WHO ARE THERE.
IT'S NOT THE SAME SORT OF SYSTEM.
LINDSEY GRAHAM HAS BEEN A SENATOR A REALLY LONG TIME, HE
SHOULD KNOW HOW THIS WORKS.
LET'S SEE THE REPUBLICANS WERE TO PULL A TEXAS DEMS AND LEAVE,
THEN THEY COULD PASS WITH MAJORITY RULES.
SO I'M, LIKE, YEAH, LEAVE, AND WE CAN PASS ALL OF THE BILLS
THAT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE NEED.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: NOW ONE OF THE
THINGS THAT'S A LITTLE BIT DISTRESSING ABOUT POLLING THAT
I'VE SEEN RECENTLY IS THAT THE BASICALLY ESSENTIALLY THE SAME
PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE THE BIG LIE HAVE A LARGE PERCENTAGE OF THE
PEOPLE WHO DO NOT BELIEVE THAT THEY SHOULD BECOME VACCINATED.
NOT EXACTLY THE SAME, BUT THERE'S A LOT OF CORRELATION
BETWEEN THE TWO.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: IS THERE ANY MESSAGE YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ON
YOUR SHOW TO PEOPLE ABOUT VACCINATIONS, PROS AND CONS?
>> THIS IS WHAT FRIGHTENS ME BECAUSE -- I TWEETED THIS AND
I'LL JUST SAY IT AGAIN -- THE SAME PEOPLE ARE TELLING YOU YOU
SHOULD NOT BE VACCINATED ARE THE SAME PEOPLE WHO ARE SAYING THERE
ARE BAMBOO SHARDS OF TRUMP BALLOT IN CHICKEN POOP IN
ARIZONA, AND YOU SHOULD COMB THROUGH THE CHICKEN POOP, FIND
THE BAMBOO BALLOTS WHICH ARE OBVIOUSLY FROM CHINA BECAUSE --
BAMBOO BALLOTS -- AND THEREFORE TRUMP WON BY A BAZILEIAN VOTES,
AND THOSE SAME PEOPLE ARE SAYING DON'T GET VACCINATED.
THEY'RE GOING TO KILL YOU.
DON'T LISTEN TO THOSE PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: I FORGET ABOUT THE BAMBOO BALLOTS, BECAUSE THEY
GROUND UP THE BALLOTS AND THE ONLY WAY TO GET RID OF PAPER AND
BAMBOO IS TO FEED IT TO CHICKENS.
>> OBVIOUSLY.
>> Stephen: THEN YOU HAVE TO BURN THE CHICKENS.
>> AND YOU CAN GELT BARBECUE OUT OF IT AND YOU GET THE CHICKEN
POOP.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT DON'T GO AWAY
BECAUSE WHEN WE COME BACK I WILL ASK JOY ABOUT DIFFERENT ANCHORS
ON DIFFERENT NEWS NETWORKS WHO POOH-POOH THE VACCINE AND WON'T
SAY WHETHER THEY HAVE BEEN INOCULATED.
STICK AROUND.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WE ARE BACK!
WE ARE BACK WITH THE HOST OF "THE REIDOUT" ON MSNBC, JOY
REID.
AS A JOURNALIST, WHO I ASSUME YOU SEE IT AS YOUR JOB TO TRY TO
BRING THE TRUTH THROUGH REPORTING AND DIALOGUE TO THE
PEOPLE OUT THERE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHEN YOU SEE OTHER ANCHORS ON DIFFERENT NETWORKS
QUESTIONING WHETHER VACCINES ARE GOOD OR BAD FOR YOU AND NOT
REVEALING WHETHER THEY HAVE BEEN VACCINATED, DO YOU HAVE ANY
PARTICULAR REACTION TO THAT?
>> WHEN WE HAD OUR SHOW CALL THIS MORNING, THIS TOOK UP
THREE-QUARTERS OF IT.
NUMBER ONE, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE WHY FOLKS AT THAT
PARTICULAR NETWORK, WE ALL KNOW WHO WE MEAN, WOULD WANT TO KILL
THEIR OWN VIEWERS.
THEIR VIEWERS ARE OLDER, MORE SUSCEPTIBLE TO COVID.
>> Stephen: I HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.
>> AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE POINT IS OF KILLING THEM
BECAUSE EVERYONE ON AIR AT FOX HAS BEEN VACCINATED.
I WOULD PUT ANY MONEY ON IT.
THEY WERE VACCINATED FIRST.
I'M SURE THEY SHOVED LITTLE OLD LADIES OUT OF THE WAY TO GET
THEIR VACCINES FIRST.
THEY'RE ALL VACCINATED, LIVING IN REMOTE CABINS IS THAT NO WAY
THE CORPORATION WOULD ALLOW THEM IN THE BUILDING WITHOUT BEING
VACS MADE.
>> RUPERT WENT IN A FLEET TO GET VACS MADE.
THEY'RE ALL VACCINATED.
IF THEY'RE TELLING YOU NOT TO DO IT, YOU HAVE TO ASK WHY THEY
DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU WHEN YOU'RE THEIR BASE.
AGAIN, THE PEOPLE SAYING THIS, WHAT IS IN IT FOR THEM, FOR
THEIR OWN PEOPLE TO TIE?
>> Stephen: IS ONE OF THEIR SPONSORS A COFFIN MANUFACTURER?
THE NEXT STEP.
( LAUGHTER ) WHAT'S NEXT?
WALK-IN BATHTUBS IS THE NEXT STEP.
JUST PUT A LID ON IT.
( LAUGHTER ) NOWE DON'T HAVE WALK-IN TUBS AS
SPONSOR ANYMORE DO WE?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: GOOD!
BIDEN BLAMED Facebook FOR MISINFORMATION.
RIGHT.
>> RIGHT.
THE TARGETING OF ANTI-VAX RHETORIC IS SIMILAR TO THE
TARGETING WE SAW DURING THE ELECTION IN 2016 AND 2020, AND
THE TARGETS HAVE BEEN REPUBLICANS, PARTICULARLY WHITE
EVANGELICAL REPUBLICANS, AFRICAN-AMERICANS AND LATINOS.
SURPRISE, SURPRISE, THE SAME THREE GROUPS ARE TARGETING AGAIN
WITH ANTI-VACS INFORMATION FROM A VERY SMALL NUMBER OF PEOPLE
AND THEY SEEM TERMED TO GET THAT TRIAD OF PEOPLE TO NOT BE
VACCINATED.
WHEN IT COMES TO THE PEOPLE OF COLOR, I GET IT, THEY DON'T CARE
ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE.
BUT AGAIN I GO BACK TO EVANGELICAL REPUBLICANS BEING
THE BIGGEST TARGET OF THIS DISINFORMATION CAMPAIGN, I DON'T
UNDERSTAND.
I MEAN, THE TRUMP FOLLOWING IS IN MANY WAYS FUNDAMENTALLY A
CULT.
IT'S A CULT IN EVERY SENSE AND NOW IT APPEARS TO BE SORT OF A
JIM JONES ERA CULT.
>> Stephen: A DEATH CULT.
A DEATH CULT.
>> Stephen: THAT'S ULTIMATELY WHO WHERE IT ENDS.
IF THE LEADER DOESN'T CARE WHETHER YOU LIVE OR DIE THAT'S A
DEATH CULT.
>> I'VE SAID IT BEFORE, A RELIGION IS WHEN YOUR SAVIOR
DIES FOR YOU.
A CULT IS WHEN YOU'RE BEING ASKED TO DIE FOR YOUR SAVIOR.
UNFORTUNATELY, THAT IS WHERE WE ARE WITH THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.
MY FATHER LEANED REPUBLICAN.
THIS ISN'T BECAUSE I DISLIKE REPUBLICANS I'M SAYING IT.
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG AND BROKEN IN THE PARTY AND,
UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S A PARTY THAT NOW FUNDAMENTALLY DOESN'T
BELIEVE IN DEMOCRACY, IS IN FAVOR OF KILLING YOURSELF BUT
NOT PROTECTING YOURSELF FROM A DEADLY VIRUS, AND WANTS TO
ENSURE THAT THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T DIE VOTE FOR THEM AND WIN?
I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE MATH.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I WAS NEVER GOOD
AT MATH.
( LAUGHTER ) BEFORE WE GO, I WANT TO HIT YOU
WITH A COUPLE OF THINGS.
YOU'RE CELEBRATING TOMORROW YOUR FIRST YEAR OF "THE REIDOUT."
>> YES.
>> Stephen: AND THIS YEAR CELEBRATES 25 YEARS OF MSNBC.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: ON THE AIR.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MSNBC'S HAD A LOT OF TAG LINES
OVER THE YEARS, AND I WANT TO TAKE YOU BACK TO 1977 ALL THE
WAY TO TODAY, TELL ME WHAT YOUR FAVORITE IS.
1997, IT'S TIME TO GET CONNECTED.
THAT'S VERY EARLY INTERNET.
I DON'T THINK SO.
2003, AMERICA'S NEWS CHANNEL.
THAT'S A LITTLE FOXY.
2007, A FULLER SPECTRUM OF NEWS.
THAT SOUNDS LIKE A DYING KNOW -- DIAGNOSIS.
ALSO 2007, AMERICA'S FASTEST GROWING NEWS CHANNEL.
NICE.
2008, THE PLACE FOR POLITICS.
THAT'S GOOD IN AN ELECTION YEAR.
>> YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
>> Stephen: 2010, A BIG ONE -- LEAN FORWARD.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LEAN FORWARD.
>> WELL, THIS HAS BEEN ONE OF THE CRITICISMS FROM THOSE WHO
WORK WITH ME, THEY TELL ME WHEN I AM ON AIR I LEAN FORWARD, SO
MAYBE THAT'S ABOUT ME PERSONALLY.
>> Stephen: AND PRESENTLY THIS IS THE ONE I LIKE BECAUSE IT'S A
LITTLE BIT BELLIGERENT.
RIGHT NOW THE MOTTO IS, THIS IS WHO WE ARE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: THIS IS IT.
THIS IS IT.
THIS IS WHAT YOU GET.
>> Stephen: WELL, JOY, IT WAS LOVELY TO SEE YOU, THANK YOU SO
MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
>> THIS WAS FUN.
>> Stephen: "THE REIDOUT" AIRS WEEK NIGHTS ON MSNBC.
JOY REID, EVERYBODY WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY
ALESSIA CARA.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> ON THE MISINFORMATION, WHAT'S YOUR MESSAGE TO PLATFORMS LIKE
Facebook?
>> THEY'RE KILLING PEOPLE.
HOLD ON.
I KILL PEOPLE, OKAY.
Facebook IS JUST A FORM THAT ACTIVELY AMPLIFIES
MISINFORMATION THAT KILLS PEOPLE.
I DON'T WANT TO BE PETTY BUT THEY ALSO DO IT FOR PROFIT WHICH
IS HONESTLY KIND OF SELLING OUT.
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
PERFORMING HER NEW SINGLE, "SWEET DREAM," FROM "NIAGARA
FALLS," ALESSIA CARA ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ 4:55,
EVERYBODY ELSE IS SNORING ♪ MY HEAVY EYES,
I CAN NEVER SEEM TO CLOSE 'EM ♪ MY RUNNING MIND, JUST CAN'T
CATCH YOU WHEN IT'S GOING ♪ IS IT LATE AT NIGHT OR IS IT
EARLY IN THE MORNIN'?
♪ ONLY, SO MANY SHEEP A GIRL CAN COUNT
♪ PATCHOULI CANDLES BURNIN' OUT I TRY TO MEDITATE IT ALL AWAY
♪ BUT DAMN, IT IS TOO QUIET NOW DAYLIGHT HELPS DISTRACT MY HEAD
♪ MONSTERS HIDE UNDER MY BED THEY BOTHER ME WITH ALL KINDS
♪ OF THINGS LIKE WHERE DO I GO WHEN I'M DEAD?
♪ IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A SWEET DREAM?
♪ NEED A STEP BACK FROM MY FEELINGS
♪ LIFE IS NOT SO BAD WHEN I'M SLEEPING
♪ IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK, TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A
♪ A SWEET DREAM FOR ♪ SWEET DREAM
♪ 6:58, SUN'S PEAKIN' THROUGH THE
♪ CURTAINS I DRIFT AWAY, SUDDENLY THE
♪ WHEELS ARE TURNIN' SONGS ARE IN MY HEAD,
♪ SCARY THOUGHTS BEGIN TO WORSEN ONCE I'M WIDE AWAKE,
♪ IT'S TOO HARD TO REVERSE IT CHIRPIN' BIRDS ARE FLYING 'ROUND
♪ MY HOUSE PATCHOULI CANDLES BURNIN' OUT
♪ I TRY TO MEDITATE IT ALL AWAY BUT DAMN, IT IS TOO QUIET NOW
♪ DAYLIGHT HELPS DISTRACT MY HEAD
♪ MONSTERS HIDE UNDER MY BED THEY BOTHER ME WITH ALL KINDS OF
♪ THINGS LIKE THAT ONE STUPID THING I SAID
♪ IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A SWEET DREAM?
(SWEET DREAM) ♪ NEED A STEP BACK FROM MY
FEELINGS (FEELINGS)
♪ LIFE IS NOT SO BAD WHEN I'M SLEEPING IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK,
♪ TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A A SWEET DREAM
♪ FOR A SWEET DREAM A SWEET DREAM
♪ FOR A SWEET DREAM ♪ SANDMAN, CAN YOU VISIT ME?
ALL I WANT IS A SWEET DREAM ♪ 8:31,
I'M SLURRIN' EVERY WORD NOW I ♪ PRAY THIS COLD COFFEE HELPS ME
WITH THE REBOUND ♪ HOW DOES EVERYBODY I KNOW,
KNOW HOW TO SLEEP SOUND?
♪ WHEN WE'RE ALL A MESS, I GUESS THE ONLY WAY OUT
♪ IS A A SWEET DREAM
(SWEET DREAM, SWEET DREAM) ♪ IS A SWEET DREAM
♪ A SWEET DREAM (OH YEAH, YEAH, AYY, AYY)
♪ IS A SWEET DREAM ♪ ♪ ♪
♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: ALESSIA CARA,
EVERYBODY.
CHECK OUT ANOTHER SONG FROM HER AT COLBERTLATESHOW.COM
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE SHOW.
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE JASON SUDEIKIS.
GOODNIGHT.
♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )