1 00:00:04,003 --> 00:00:06,639 >> FANS OF TWO RIVAL BOY BANDS OF THE LATE 1990S, THEY ARE 2 00:00:06,706 --> 00:00:07,674 FREAKING OUT. 3 00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,943 LET ME SHOW YOU WHY. 4 00:00:10,009 --> 00:00:13,313 ♪ BYE BYE BYE ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 5 00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:15,648 ( LAUGHTER ) >> YOUR EYES ARE NOT PLAYING 6 00:00:15,715 --> 00:00:17,817 TRICKS ON YOU. 7 00:00:17,884 --> 00:00:21,654 THAT IS NSYNC'S LANCE BASS AND JOEY FATONE, JOINING THE 8 00:00:21,721 --> 00:00:23,957 BACKSTREET BOY'S NICK CARTER AND AJ McCLEAN FOR THAT NEW VERSION 9 00:00:24,023 --> 00:00:25,558 OF NSYNC'S BIG HIT "BYE BYE BYE." 10 00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:31,164 >> OUR FIRST PERFORMANCE, HOPEFULLY OF MANY, AS BACK-SYNC, 11 00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:35,335 SYNC-STREET-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL WE'RE GOING TO CALL 12 00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:35,902 OURSELVES, BUT IT WAS FUN. 13 00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:42,976 >> YO, YO, YO. 14 00:00:43,042 --> 00:00:44,511 IT'S YOUR BOY, JOEY McINTYRE FROM NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK, THE 15 00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:44,844 CUTE ONE. 16 00:00:44,911 --> 00:00:49,983 >> HOLLA. 17 00:00:50,049 --> 00:00:52,152 WHEN I HEARD BACKSTREET BOYS AND NSYNC WERE TEAMING UP TO FORM A 18 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,687 SUPER GROUP CALLED BACK-SYNC, I THOUGHT, WHAT ABOUT ME, JOEY 19 00:00:54,754 --> 00:00:56,156 McCINTYRE FROM NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK? 20 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:59,325 IMAGINE THAT DREAM TEAM. 21 00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:02,061 WE COULD CALL IT KID-IN-SYNC-STREET, OR 22 00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:04,164 BACK-SYNC-BLOCK, OR BOY-KIDS-ON-THE-NEW-STREET. 23 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:07,000 CHECK IT. 24 00:01:07,066 --> 00:01:07,567 I STILL GOT THE MOVES. 25 00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:10,470 ♪ ♪ ♪ FUNKY FRESH. 26 00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:11,438 THAT IS FLY. 27 00:01:11,504 --> 00:01:15,442 SO HIT ME UP ON MY BEEPER OR SEND ME A FAX, YO. 28 00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:18,611 NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I GOTTA SKATE TO THE PODIATRIST TO 29 00:01:18,678 --> 00:01:22,015 GET MY HAMMER TOE LOOKED AT. 30 00:01:22,081 --> 00:01:25,018 WORD TO YOUR MOTHER. 31 00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:26,853 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT. 32 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:35,728 TONIGHT: WHOSE VOTE IS THIS VOTE? 33 00:01:35,795 --> 00:01:36,996 PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES: WANDA SYKES 34 00:01:37,063 --> 00:01:38,865 AND CRAIG MELVIN FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY 35 00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:42,168 HUMAN. 36 00:01:42,235 --> 00:01:43,436 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER FROM NEW 37 00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:47,240 YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 38 00:01:49,108 --> 00:01:57,717 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 39 00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:03,256 >> Stephen: HEY! 40 00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:11,264 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OH, OH, I LIKE IT. 41 00:02:11,331 --> 00:02:14,968 HELLO, MY FRIENDS. 42 00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:15,502 JOE SAILOR. 43 00:02:15,568 --> 00:02:17,704 >> Audience: STEPHEN! 44 00:02:17,770 --> 00:02:18,505 STEPHEN! 45 00:02:18,571 --> 00:02:19,105 STEPHEN! 46 00:02:19,172 --> 00:02:19,939 STEPHEN! 47 00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:20,540 STEPHEN! 48 00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:21,107 STEPHEN. 49 00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:22,242 >> Stephen: HELLO, JON. 50 00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:23,176 HELLO, LEWIS. 51 00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:25,111 HEY! 52 00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:27,914 THANKS VERY MUCH. 53 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:33,820 WELCOME, WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TO "THE LATE SHOW." 54 00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:34,754 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 55 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:35,722 THIS EVENING-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 56 00:02:35,788 --> 00:02:39,259 THIS HAS HAPPENED AT THIS POINT. 57 00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:44,097 THIS EVENING, THE DEMOCRATS ATTEMPT TO PASS THE "FOR THE 58 00:02:44,163 --> 00:02:47,567 PEOPLE" VOTING RIGHTS BILL BUT IT WAS DEFEATED BY MITCH 59 00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:49,903 McCONNELL AND HIS REPUBLICAN COLLEAGUES. 60 00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:54,941 YES, YES, AT LONG LAST, THAT MOMENT THAT WE KNEW WOULD NEVER 61 00:02:55,008 --> 00:03:00,647 HAPPEN, FINALLY DIDN'T, 1KWRU6789 THE WAY WE ALWAYS 62 00:03:00,713 --> 00:03:02,849 THOUGHT IT NEVER WOULD. 63 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:11,324 BUT FOR THOSE OF US WHO CAN STILL HOPE, TODAY IS THE NEW 64 00:03:11,391 --> 00:03:13,192 YORK DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY OR, AS IT'S CALLED IN NEW YORK: 65 00:03:13,259 --> 00:03:15,128 "THE ELECTION." 66 00:03:15,194 --> 00:03:18,131 ALL SORTS-- ALL SORTS-- ALL SORTS OF MUNICIPAL OFFICES 67 00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:19,666 ARE UP FOR GRABS LIKE CITY COMPTROLLER, MANHATTAN DISTRICT 68 00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:27,140 ATTORNEY, AND PUBLIC URINATION CZAR. 69 00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:31,144 ( LAUGHTER ) QUICK REMINDER: YESTERDAY, WE 70 00:03:31,210 --> 00:03:32,912 WON A PEABODY. 71 00:03:32,979 --> 00:03:34,981 FOR JOKES LIKE THAT. 72 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:44,157 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 73 00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:49,562 I WOULD SAY THAT JOKE CHANGES THE SPELLING OF "PEABODY." 74 00:03:49,629 --> 00:03:53,266 BUT THE BIG OFFICE UP FOR GRABS IS WHO WILL REPLACE MAYOR BILL 75 00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:57,170 de BLASIO AS THE PERSON GETTING BOOED AT METS GAMES. 76 00:03:57,236 --> 00:04:01,174 ( LAUGHTER ) THE WINNER IS EXPECTED TO BE... 77 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:03,509 IN THE LATEST POLL, BROOKLYN BOROUGH PRESIDENT ERIC ADAMS HAS 78 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:08,181 A SLIGHT LEAD OVER CIVIL RIGHTS LAWYER MAYA WILEY AND SIX OTHER 79 00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:09,349 CANDIDATES. 80 00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:12,719 BUT THE POLLS DON'T MEAN MUCH, BECAUSE TODAY IS THE CITY'S 81 00:04:12,785 --> 00:04:18,558 FIRST MAYORAL ELECTION USING RANKED-CHOICE VOTING-- NOT TO BE 82 00:04:18,625 --> 00:04:19,692 CONFUSED WITH-- ( APPLAUSE ) 83 00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:20,727 BIG FANS. 84 00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:25,198 BIG FANS OF SOMETHING THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. 85 00:04:25,264 --> 00:04:27,500 NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH "RANK" CHOICE, THE DOLLAR STORE'S WORST 86 00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:28,735 IS SODA. 87 00:04:28,801 --> 00:04:32,205 >> Jon: BURN A HOLE THROUGH YOUR T-SHIRT. 88 00:04:32,271 --> 00:04:34,040 >> Stephen: HERE'S HOW RANKED-CHOICE VOTING WORKS: IF A 89 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:37,010 SINGLE CANDIDATE RECEIVES MORE THAN 50% OF FIRST-CHOICE VOTES 90 00:04:37,076 --> 00:04:39,145 IN THE FIRST ROUND, THEN HE OR SHE WINS. 91 00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:40,380 BUT IF NO ONE EXCEEDS 50% OF VOTES IN THE FIRST ROUND, THE 92 00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:44,217 CANDIDATE IN LAST PLACE IS ELIMINATED, AND ALL THE VOTES 93 00:04:44,283 --> 00:04:47,787 FOR THE ELIMINATED CANDIDATE WILL BE REALLOCATED TO WHICHEVER 94 00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:51,090 CANDIDATE THOSE VOTERS RANKED SECOND. 95 00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:55,094 AND THIS REPEATS UNTIL THERE ARE TWO CANDIDATES LEFT. 96 00:04:55,161 --> 00:04:56,796 WITH RULES THAT COMPLICATED, THIS YEAR, THEY'RE HANDING OUT 97 00:04:56,863 --> 00:05:00,199 STICKERS THAT SAY "I VOTED?" ( LAUGHTER ) 98 00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:04,637 ( APPLAUSE ) CURRENT MAYOR-- CURRENT MAYOR-- 99 00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:05,405 SURE. 100 00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:10,109 ( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 101 00:05:10,176 --> 00:05:18,251 CURRENT MAYOR BILL de BLASIO TRIED TO EXPLAIN THE SYSTEM 102 00:05:18,317 --> 00:05:21,087 USING THIS PIZZA-TOPPING ANALOGY. 103 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:25,258 >> GREEN PEPPERS, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, RIGHT HERE, MY 104 00:05:25,324 --> 00:05:28,161 NOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T APPRECIATE GREEN PEPPERS ENOUGH. 105 00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:30,263 NOW, GETS A LITTLE MORE INTERESTING HERE. 106 00:05:30,329 --> 00:05:33,399 WHERE DO YOU GO FROM HERE? 107 00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:34,434 AGAIN, I'M GOING TO LEAN INTO MY HERITAGE. 108 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:35,501 NUMBER TWO, OLIVES. 109 00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:36,936 THIS ONE'S A LITTLE BIT CONTROVERSIAL. 110 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,137 USUALLY ITS BLACK OLIVES, COULD BE GREEN OLIVES. 111 00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:42,275 SOME PEOPLE THINK OLIVES BELONG ON A PIZZA. 112 00:05:42,341 --> 00:05:46,446 SOME PEOPLE ARE REALLY AGAINST IT, BUT I HAVE HAD VERY GOOD 113 00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,247 EXPERIENCES WITH OLIVES. 114 00:05:48,314 --> 00:05:50,416 >> Stephen: TO RECAP: DON'T ORDER PIZZA WITH BILL 115 00:05:50,483 --> 00:05:51,651 de BLASIO. 116 00:05:51,718 --> 00:05:53,453 NOW-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 117 00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:54,921 >> Jon: YOU LIKE OLIVES? 118 00:05:54,987 --> 00:05:58,424 >> Stephen: I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW. 119 00:05:58,491 --> 00:06:02,495 NOW, BECAUSE THE VOTES HAVE TO BE RETABULATED EVERY TIME A 120 00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:06,332 CANDIDATE GETS ELIMINATED, ELECTION OFFICIALS ARE WARNING 121 00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:13,306 THEY MAY NOT DECLARE A WINNER UNTIL MID-JULY. 122 00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:17,310 KEEP IN MIND, WE ONLY WAITED FOUR DAYS TO FIND OUT WHO WON 123 00:06:17,376 --> 00:06:21,314 SO SOMEBODY AT CITY HALL BETTER MAKE SURE THOSE WALLS ARE 124 00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:23,116 POOP-PROOF. 125 00:06:23,182 --> 00:06:30,256 IT'S JOKES LIKE THAT THAT WIN YOU A POOBODY. 126 00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:32,992 AS I SAID-- ( APPLAUSE ) 127 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:37,330 AS I SAID, ADAMS IS THE FRONTRUNNER, BUT HE'S BEEN 128 00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:43,336 PRETTY GAFFE-PRONE DURING THE RACE, AND THE LATEST GAFFE IS A 129 00:06:43,402 --> 00:06:46,339 ERIC ADAMS SAID HIS FAVORITE CONCERT WAS THE ONE IN 1990 130 00:06:46,405 --> 00:06:48,474 WHEN CURTIS MAYFIELD GOT PARALYZED ON STAGE. 131 00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:52,345 ADAMS EXPLAINED, "AT THAT CONCERT, THERE WAS A RAINSTORM, 132 00:06:52,411 --> 00:06:54,747 AND THE LIGHTS FELL ON CURTIS MAYFIELD, AND THEY ACTUALLY 133 00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:56,649 PARALYZED HIM AT THAT CONCERT. 134 00:06:56,716 --> 00:07:00,787 BUT IT WAS AN AMAZING CONCERT BEFORE THAT HAPPENED." 135 00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:02,488 REALLY? 136 00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:09,195 THAT'S LIKE SAYING, "THE BIRDS WERE CHIRPING, THE SUN WAS 137 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,097 GLISTENING OFF THE PACIFIC, WHICH IS WHY MY FAVORITE DAY IN 138 00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:17,703 HAWAII WAS DECEMBER 7, 1941, A DAY THAT-- EXCEPT FOR A COUPLE 139 00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:20,406 OF HOURS IN THE MIDDLE-- WILL LIVE IN AWESOME." 140 00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:21,974 IN NATIONAL POLITICS, THERE'S MORE DISTURBING NEWS ABOUT 141 00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:25,077 FORMER PRESIDENT OLD WACK DONALD. 142 00:07:25,144 --> 00:07:30,817 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 143 00:07:30,883 --> 00:07:34,987 TODAY-- TODAY TODAY WE LEARNED HE WANTED HIS 144 00:07:35,054 --> 00:07:38,591 JUSTICE DEPARTMENT TO STOP "S.N.L." FROM TEASING HIM. 145 00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:46,933 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 146 00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:47,333 STRANGE. 147 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:53,239 IT'S STRANGE. 148 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,874 THERE HAS NOT BEEN A PRESIDENTIALOVERREACTION LIKE 149 00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:57,176 THIS SINCE NIXON SENT NAVY SEALS TO ASSASSINATE THE SMOTHERS 150 00:07:57,243 --> 00:07:58,077 BROTHERS. 151 00:07:58,144 --> 00:07:59,178 WE KNEW THE EX-PREZ WAS MAD ABOUT "S.N.L." 152 00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:02,048 HE TWEETED ABOUT THEM A FEW TIMES, IN BETWEEN HIS MORE 153 00:08:02,114 --> 00:08:05,918 IMPORTANT WORK OF CALLING PORN STARS "HORSE-FACED." 154 00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:07,186 BUT BEHIND THE SCENES, HE "ASKED ADVISERS AND LAWYERS WHAT THE 155 00:08:07,253 --> 00:08:14,827 FEDERAL COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION, THE COURT SYSTEM, 156 00:08:14,894 --> 00:08:16,529 AND THE D.O.J. COULD DO TO PROBE JIMMY KIMMEL AND OTHER 157 00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:18,998 LATE-NIGHT COMEDY MISCHIEF-MAKERS." 158 00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:20,233 ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 159 00:08:20,299 --> 00:08:23,035 REALLY? 160 00:08:23,102 --> 00:08:30,910 REALLY? 161 00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:35,648 FOLKS, THIS IS DANGEROUS, DISTURBING, UN-AMERICAN-- AND 162 00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:39,652 WHY DO I GET LUMPED IN WITH "OTHER COMEDY MISCHIEF-MAKERS." 163 00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:40,853 I DON'T GET IT. 164 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,889 WHAT'S A GUY GOTTA DO. 165 00:08:42,955 --> 00:08:46,292 ALL DUE RESPECT TO MY DEAR FRIEND JAMES TIBERIUS KIMMEL, 166 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:54,934 BUT IF THE D.O.J. THUGS ARE KICKING DOWN DOORS TO ROUND UP 167 00:08:55,001 --> 00:09:01,474 THE LATE-NIGHT CHUCKLEHEADS TO DRAG US OFF TO MAR A GULAGO, 168 00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:05,444 TO BE ASSASSINATED, I SHOULD GET MORE THAN "AND THE 169 00:09:05,511 --> 00:09:06,545 REST." 170 00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:07,446 I DON'T APPRECIATE THE PROFESSOR AND MARY ANN TREATMENT 171 00:09:07,513 --> 00:09:08,781 HERE. 172 00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:10,149 MY NAME-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 173 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:14,453 MY NAME-- MY NAME IS STEPHEN COLBERT. 174 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:18,257 MY NAME SHOULD BE IN LIGHTS ON THE STADIUM WHERE THEY'RE 175 00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:21,260 EXECUTING US FOR OUR TERRIBLE IMPRESSIONS OF HIM. 176 00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:26,666 ( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, NOW THAT LEX LOSER IS 177 00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:30,970 OIT OF OFFICE, A LOT OF PROSECUTORS OUT THERE ARE 178 00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:35,107 FOCUSED ON PROBING HIM. 179 00:09:35,174 --> 00:09:36,842 HERE IN NEW YORK, THE MANHATTAN D.A.'S OFFICE IS PUTTING 180 00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:42,882 PRESSURE ON HIS UNDERLINGS TO GET THEM TO FLIP ON THE BOSS. 181 00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:47,086 NOW THEY'RE TURNING THE SCREWS ON HIS FORMER BODYGUARD 182 00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:55,328 AND GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE HE'D BE NAMED MATTHEW CALAMARI, MATTHEW 183 00:09:55,394 --> 00:09:56,562 CALAMARI, "MATTHEW CALAMARI" SOUNDS LIKE A 184 00:09:56,629 --> 00:09:57,697 NAME A COP MAKES UP WHEN HE'S UNDERCOVER AT OLIVE 185 00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:59,065 GARDEN. 186 00:09:59,131 --> 00:10:02,435 "YEAH, I'M, UH, MATTHEW... 187 00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:03,502 MATTHEW CALAMARI. 188 00:10:03,569 --> 00:10:06,205 AND THIS IS MY BUDDY, LARRY UNLIMITED BREADSTICKS." 189 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:06,939 ( LAUGHTER ). 190 00:10:07,006 --> 00:10:09,575 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 191 00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:14,547 SPECIFICALLY, PROSECUTORS ARE INVESTIGATING WHETHER CALAMARI 192 00:10:14,613 --> 00:10:17,550 RECEIVED SOMETHING CALLED "TAX-FREE FRINGE BENEFITS," 193 00:10:17,616 --> 00:10:21,420 WHICH IS WHEN AN EMPLOYEE RECEIVES BENEFITS SUCH AS FREE 194 00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:24,890 APARTMENTS, SUBSIDIZED RENT, OR CAR LEASES FROM AN EMPLOYER AND 195 00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:27,426 DOESN'T PAY TAXES ON SUCH BENEFITS. 196 00:10:27,493 --> 00:10:33,866 WAIT, GIVING CALAMARI PERKS IN EXCHANGE FOR HIS LOYALTY? 197 00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:36,469 THAT IS A CLEAR "SQUID PRO QUO." 198 00:10:36,535 --> 00:10:48,114 ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 199 00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:51,417 KEEP THEM COMING. 200 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,352 KEEP THEM COMING. 201 00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:56,655 CALAMARI ISN'T THE ONLY MEMBER OF THIS BREADED CRIME RING IN 202 00:10:56,722 --> 00:10:57,890 TROUBLE, BECAUSE PROSECUTORS ARE ALSO INVESTIGATING CALAMARI'S 203 00:10:57,957 --> 00:11:03,496 SON, MATTHEW CALAMARI JR. LIKE HIS FATHER, CALAMARI JR. 204 00:11:03,562 --> 00:11:07,199 HASN'T YET BEEN OFFICIALLY CHARGED YET, BUT PROSECUTORS 205 00:11:07,266 --> 00:11:09,502 RECENTLY ADVISED BOTH MEN TO HIRE LAWYERS. 206 00:11:09,568 --> 00:11:15,775 YOU KNOW THE WORLD IS UPSIDE DOWN WHEN THE CALAMARI ARE 207 00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:17,576 ORDERING LAWYERS FOR THE WHOLE TABLE. 208 00:11:17,643 --> 00:11:18,744 DO YOU GUYS WANT THAT? 209 00:11:18,811 --> 00:11:21,447 LET'S GET SOME LAWYERS. 210 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,749 HEY, SWEETIE, COULD WE GET A ROUND? 211 00:11:23,816 --> 00:11:27,620 COULD WE GET A ROUND OF CALL MAURY HERE? 212 00:11:27,686 --> 00:11:29,622 OH, THERE'S SOME EXCITING FOOTBALL NEWS, THANKS TO 213 00:11:29,688 --> 00:11:31,290 RAIDERS DEFENSIVE LINEMAN AND MAN WHO JUST FOUND OUT THERE'S 214 00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:36,629 LEFTOVER CAKE IN THE BREAK ROOM, CARL NASSIB. 215 00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:41,233 YESTERDAY, NASSIB MADE HISTORY WHEN HE BECAME THE FIRST ACTIVE 216 00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:43,836 N.F.L. PLAYER TO PUBLICLY DECLARE THAT HE IS GAY. 217 00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:46,739 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AMAZING! 218 00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:49,408 IT'S EXTRAORDINARY! 219 00:11:49,475 --> 00:11:56,649 ( APPLAUSE ) THAT IS SO EXCITING AND SO BRAVE 220 00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:58,250 AND IMPORTANT-- OR, AS THEY SAY IN THE N.F.L.: 221 00:11:58,317 --> 00:11:59,852 >> IT'S GOOD! 222 00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:01,454 IT'S GOOD! 223 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,289 >> Stephen: NASSIB MADE HIS ANNOUNCEMENT IN A VIDEO HE 224 00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:04,056 POSTED TO HIS INSTAGRAM. 225 00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:05,458 TAKE A LOOK: >> WHAT'S UP, PEOPLE. 226 00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:07,493 I'M CARL NASSIB. 227 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,528 I JUST WANTED TO TAKE A QUICK MOMENT TO SAY THAT I'M GAY. 228 00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:12,298 I'VE BEEN MEANING TO DO THIS FOR A WHILE NOW, BUT I FINALLY FEEL 229 00:12:12,364 --> 00:12:15,367 COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST. 230 00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:19,805 I JUST THINK THAT REPRESENTATION AND VISIBILITY ARE SO IMPORTANT. 231 00:12:19,872 --> 00:12:21,340 I ACTUALLY HOPE THAT, LIKE, ONE DAY, VIDEOS LIKE THIS AND THE 232 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:28,948 WHOLE COMING OUT PROCESS ARE JUST NOT NECESSARY. 233 00:12:29,014 --> 00:12:31,183 BUT UNTIL THEN, YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA DO MY BEST AND DO MY PART 234 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,285 TO CULTIVATE A CULTURE THAT'S ACCEPTING, THAT'S COMPASSIONATE. 235 00:12:33,352 --> 00:12:34,620 >> Stephen: BEAUTIFULLY SAID ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 236 00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:35,020 REALLY LOVELY. 237 00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:45,364 REALLY LOVELY. 238 00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:48,901 IT IS TIME FOR AMERICA TO HAVE A COMPASSIONATE CULTURE THAT 239 00:12:48,968 --> 00:12:51,370 VALUES ALL 300-POUND MEN PULVERIZING EACH OTHER'S SKULLS. 240 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:55,374 ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD, NOBODY SHOULD BE JUDGED BY WHO THEY 241 00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:56,509 LOVE. 242 00:12:56,575 --> 00:12:57,309 THEY SHOULD BE JUDGED BY THE LITTLE ANIMAL ON THE SIDE OF 243 00:12:57,376 --> 00:12:58,544 THEIR HELMET. 244 00:12:58,611 --> 00:12:59,979 I HATE THE TEAM WITH THE LITTLE BIRD, AND I LOVE THE TEAM WITH 245 00:13:00,045 --> 00:13:00,479 THE LITTLE PIRATE! 246 00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:02,314 GO, LITTLE PIRATES! 247 00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:08,554 ( LAUGHTER ) LIKE I SAID, LIKE I SAID, THIS 248 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:13,526 IS HISTORIC BECAUSE NASSIB IS THE FIRST OPENLY GAY, ACTIVE 249 00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:18,264 N.F.L. PLAYER-- OR, AS "SPORTSCENTER" CALLED HIM, THE 250 00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:20,166 FIRST "ACTIVELY GAY" N.F.L. 251 00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:20,966 PLAYER. 252 00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:22,501 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 253 00:13:22,568 --> 00:13:23,869 AFTER THAT-- A LITTLE DIFFERENT. 254 00:13:23,936 --> 00:13:25,538 THAT'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT. 255 00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:29,542 ♪ ♪ ♪ AFTER THAT, I'M GUESSING ESPN'S 256 00:13:29,608 --> 00:13:33,412 GRAPHICS GUY IS "ACTIVELY LOOKING FOR ANOTHER JOB." 257 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:38,317 ( LAUGHTER ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 258 00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:39,418 TONIGHT. 259 00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:40,219 MY GUESTS ARE WANDA SYKES AND JOURNALIST CRAIG MELVIN. 260 00:13:40,286 --> 00:13:43,355 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!" 261 00:13:43,422 --> 00:13:45,424 STICK AROUND. 262 00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:16,789 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 263 00:14:16,855 --> 00:14:20,192 WON'T YOU SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN RIGHT 264 00:14:20,259 --> 00:14:20,793 OVER THERE. 265 00:14:20,859 --> 00:14:28,434 COME ON, DO IT. 266 00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:29,268 I'M LEVITATING. 267 00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:30,336 I'M LEVITATING. 268 00:14:30,402 --> 00:14:34,340 YOU ALL SOUND EXTRAORDINARY TONIGHT HOW IS-- HOW IS 269 00:14:34,406 --> 00:14:38,210 EVERYBODY IN THE BAND FEELING BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL PEABODY 270 00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:39,712 WINNERS AT THIS POINT. 271 00:14:39,778 --> 00:14:40,212 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 272 00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:41,247 ARE YOU ALL EXCITED? 273 00:14:41,313 --> 00:14:43,382 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Jon: YEAH. 274 00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:45,784 >> Stephen: CALL YOUR FOLKS AND TELL THEM YOU'RE A PEABODY 275 00:14:45,851 --> 00:14:46,285 WINNER, JON? 276 00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:47,419 IS IT. 277 00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:50,189 >> Jon: OH, YEAH, THAT'S WHY I GOT THE GOLD IN MY HEAD TO 278 00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:51,123 CELEBRATE. 279 00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:52,791 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: JUST SCRAPED A 280 00:14:52,858 --> 00:14:55,527 LITTLE BIT OF IT OFF RIGHT THERE. 281 00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:58,864 >> Jon: SCRAPE A LITTLE OFF, TIE AROUND A LOCK UP HERE, AND 282 00:14:58,931 --> 00:14:59,865 I'M SHINING. 283 00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:02,901 I GOT MY GLITTER, AND I'M PROFILING PEABODY MAN. 284 00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:05,437 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 285 00:15:05,504 --> 00:15:08,407 >> Stephen: GOING TO BE ON THE COVER OF "PEABODY MAGAZINE." 286 00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:10,843 >> Jon: OF THAT A "PEABODY" MAGAZINE? 287 00:15:10,909 --> 00:15:12,911 >> Stephen: THEY DON'T BUT THEY WILL IF YOU POSE FOR THE 288 00:15:12,978 --> 00:15:13,412 COVER. 289 00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:14,380 >> Jon: IT'S A DEAL. 290 00:15:14,446 --> 00:15:22,588 >> Stephen: CALL US "THING THAT DOESN'T EXIST." 291 00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,223 FOLKS, YOU KNOW, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME GATHERING THE LATEST, 292 00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:25,557 MOST CUTTING-EDGE NEWS STORIES, CAREFULLY EXAMINING THE DAY'S 293 00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:30,663 C.T. SCAN, THEN ASSEMBLING AMERICA'S CRACK MEDICAL TEAM, 294 00:15:30,729 --> 00:15:33,699 AND MAKING PRECISE INCISIONS WITH THE AID OF A STRYKER 1588 295 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,067 LAPAROSCOPE IN THE GROUNDBREAKING SURGICAL ARTISTRY 296 00:15:35,134 --> 00:15:42,975 THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 297 00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:45,911 BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, FOLKS, WHEN I NEED EXTRA CASH TO 298 00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:48,814 PAY OFF MY COCK-FIGHTING DEBTS, I SET UP A RUSTY COT UNDER A 299 00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:50,883 TARP IN WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK, WHERE I PLY CURIOUS PASSERSBY 300 00:15:50,949 --> 00:15:53,786 WITH BATHTUB COUGH SYRUP TO HELP DULL THE PAIN WHILE I USE GARDEN 301 00:15:53,852 --> 00:15:55,054 SHEARS TO CUT OUT ANYTHING THAT LOOKS SUPERFLUOUS IN THE AMATEUR 302 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:59,058 APPENDECTOMY TENT OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT... 303 00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:04,330 >> MEANWHILE! 304 00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:08,067 >> Stephen: AGE CANNOT WHITHER NOR CUSTOM STALE, ITS INFINITE 305 00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:13,038 VARIETY, MEANWHILE, NEVER FAILS. 306 00:16:13,105 --> 00:16:18,644 MEANWHILE, THANKS TO A YEAR OF HOME-DELIVERY DINNERS, THE PRICE 307 00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:21,580 OF CHICKEN WINGS IS GOING THROUGH THE ROOF. 308 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,349 THAT'S WHY CHICKEN CHAIN WINGSTOP IS NOW SELLING CHICKEN 309 00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:28,253 THIGHS UNDER A NEW VIRTUAL BRAND CALLED "THIGHSTOP"-- ALSO WHAT 310 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,590 MY LEGS SAY AFTER CLIMBING MORE THAN TWO FLIGHTS OF STAIRS. 311 00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:34,693 ( LAUGHTER ) THIGHSTOP! 312 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:37,062 THIGHS ARE A CHEAPER CHICKEN PART BECAUSE MORE AMERICANS 313 00:16:37,129 --> 00:16:40,432 PREFER OTHER CUTS OF THE CHICKEN, LIKE THE NUGGET, THE 314 00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:43,235 TENDER, AND THE DINOSAUR. 315 00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:44,603 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 316 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:47,139 BUT, OH! 317 00:16:47,206 --> 00:16:48,774 MMM! 318 00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:49,341 WHAT'S WRONG? 319 00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:52,411 I'M LICKING A DINOSAUR. 320 00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:55,047 BUT THE C.E.O. OF WINGSTOP IS CONFIDENT HE CAN GET US EATING 321 00:16:55,114 --> 00:16:59,118 THIGHS, SAYING, "WE BELIEVE WE CAN MAKE THEM A 322 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:03,155 CENTER-OF-THE-PLATE ITEM." 323 00:17:03,222 --> 00:17:04,556 OF COURSE, FIRST, THEY'LL HAVE TO CONVINCE WINGSTOP CUSTOMERS 324 00:17:04,623 --> 00:17:06,992 TO USE PLATES. 325 00:17:07,059 --> 00:17:11,196 CHICKEN WING COSTS AREN'T EXPECTED TO DROP ANYTIME SOON, 326 00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:13,565 BUT WINGSTOP IS OPTIMISTIC, SAYING, "IF WE CAN BUY ALL PARTS 327 00:17:13,632 --> 00:17:19,104 OF THE CHICKEN, WE CAN START TO CONTROL A LITTLE BIT MORE OF THE 328 00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:22,040 SUPPLY CHAIN." 329 00:17:22,107 --> 00:17:23,442 THAT'S RIGHT, "ALL" PARTS OF THE CHICKEN. 330 00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:27,179 SO GET READY FOR THE DELICIOUS OFFERINGS FROM BEAKSTOP. 331 00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:31,984 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE-- REALLY, YOU DON'T 332 00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:33,919 WANT A BEAK? 333 00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:39,191 I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU FRY IT LONG ENOUGH, I'LL EAT A BEAK. 334 00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:44,363 MEANWHILE, I'M BEING TOLD WE HAVE BREAKING SEX DOLL NEWS! 335 00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:46,765 OFF THE COAST OF JAPAN, AN "EMERGENCY CREW RESCUED A SEX 336 00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:49,635 DOLL AFTER MISTAKING IT FOR A DROWNING WOMAN." 337 00:17:49,701 --> 00:17:55,107 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 338 00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:58,544 ♪ ♪ ♪ STILL NO WORD ON WHETHER THE SEX 339 00:17:58,610 --> 00:18:01,213 DOLL WAS THROWN AWAY OR TRYING TO KILL ITSELF. 340 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,582 ( LAUGHTER ) THE DOLL WAS SPOTTED BY A LOCAL, 341 00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:07,252 WHO SAID, "WHILE I WAS FILMING FOR MY FISHING VIDEO, I THOUGHT 342 00:18:07,319 --> 00:18:09,855 THAT A CORPSE HAD COME FLOATING BY." 343 00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:13,192 SO THE SEX DOLL IS IN A FISHING VIDEO. 344 00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:17,796 IT WILL ALL BE DOCUMENTED IN THE REALITY SHOW, "HORNIEST CATCH!" 345 00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:19,198 ( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, THE TRUE MEANING OF 346 00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:23,035 THIS TALE OF FISHING AND SEX TOYS IS CAPTURED IN THE IMORTAL 347 00:18:23,101 --> 00:18:24,770 WORDS OF LAO TZU: "GIVE A MAN A SEX DOLL, HE'LL HAVE SEX FOR A 348 00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:28,040 DAY. 349 00:18:28,106 --> 00:18:29,241 TEACH A MAN TO FISH FOR SEX DOLLS, AND YOU'LL NEVER SEE HIM 350 00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:33,512 AGAIN." 351 00:18:33,579 --> 00:18:41,053 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ACCORDING TO REPORTS, 352 00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:44,957 "AUTHORITIES WERE RELIEVED WHEN THE APPARENT CORPSE TURNED OUT 353 00:18:45,023 --> 00:18:46,191 TO BE A SEX DOLL." 354 00:18:46,258 --> 00:18:47,659 SO NO EVIDENCE OF SOMEONE DEAD, JUST EVIDENCE OF SOMEONE DEAD 355 00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:49,595 INSIDE. 356 00:18:49,661 --> 00:18:55,067 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, "LAW & ORDER" STAR 357 00:18:55,133 --> 00:18:58,070 CHRISTOPHER MELONI HAS ACHIEVED NEWFOUND VIRAL FAME FOR HIS 358 00:18:58,136 --> 00:18:58,470 "JUICY" BUTT. 359 00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:01,006 OKAY, HOLD ON! 360 00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:03,742 THE MAN IS 60 YEARS OLD. HOW JUICY CAN HIS BUTT-- 361 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,677 OH, MY GOD! 362 00:19:05,744 --> 00:19:10,015 HOLY ASS MOUNTAINS MAJESTY! 363 00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:13,619 THIS-- THERE YOU GO. 364 00:19:13,685 --> 00:19:18,090 THIS EXPLAINS HIS STARRING ROLE IN THE NEW SPINOFF: 365 00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:24,530 "LAW & ORDER: S.Z.U.: SPECIAL ZADDIES UNIT. 366 00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:29,101 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 367 00:19:29,167 --> 00:19:31,970 MEANWHILE, IN THAILAND, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT FRIDAY, THIS 368 00:19:32,037 --> 00:19:35,107 ELEPHANT SMASHED ITS HEAD THROUGH A WOMAN'S WALL TO 369 00:19:35,173 --> 00:19:36,141 RUMMAGE AROUND IN HER KITCHEN. 370 00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:45,183 ( PANS BANGING ) >> Stephen: LOOK, YOU CAN'T 371 00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:46,485 BLAME THE ELEPHANT. 372 00:19:46,552 --> 00:19:49,154 WE'VE ALL HAD THOSE NIGHTS WHEN YOU'RE WALKING HOME FROM A BAR 373 00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:51,523 AT 3:00 A.M. AND YOU'RE LIKE, "I WOULD PUT MY HEAD THROUGH A 374 00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:54,226 WALL FOR SOME THAI FOOD RIGHT NOW." 375 00:19:54,293 --> 00:19:55,160 AND-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 376 00:19:55,227 --> 00:20:00,699 THERE YOU GO. 377 00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:04,236 AND THE ELEPHANT DID FIND SOMETHING, SCARFING DOWN AN 378 00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:09,174 ENTIRE BAG OF UNCOOKED RICE IN ONE BITE. 379 00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:16,682 I HOPE HE'S NOT PALEO, BECAUSE HE JUST ATE A TON OF CARBS AND 380 00:20:16,748 --> 00:20:19,585 POSSIBLY A WET CELL PHONE. 381 00:20:19,651 --> 00:20:21,653 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH WANDA SYKES. 382 00:20:37,235 --> 00:20:43,175 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 383 00:20:43,241 --> 00:20:50,215 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW." 384 00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:53,185 FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS THE EMMY AWARD-WINNING COMEDIAN 385 00:20:53,251 --> 00:20:54,152 YOU KNOW FROM HER STANDUP SPECIALS, "CURB YOUR 386 00:20:54,219 --> 00:20:57,189 ENTHUSIASM," AND "BLACK-ISH." 387 00:20:57,255 --> 00:21:00,192 HER NEW SHOW IS "THE UPSHAWS." 388 00:21:00,258 --> 00:21:01,893 >> ARE YOU TRIPPING? 389 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:02,794 YOU TRIPPING? 390 00:21:02,861 --> 00:21:05,163 THIS IS MY HIGH SCHOOL CHAMPIONSHIP TROPHY! 391 00:21:05,230 --> 00:21:07,232 >> HM. 392 00:21:07,299 --> 00:21:09,034 A BUCK, 50? 393 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:12,537 THAT'S A BARGAIN! 394 00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:14,072 3 ( LAUGHTER ) 395 00:21:14,139 --> 00:21:17,075 >> I THOUGHT IT WOULD HAVE BROKEN INTO MORE PIECES THAN 396 00:21:17,142 --> 00:21:18,677 THAT. 397 00:21:18,744 --> 00:21:22,447 ( LAUGHTER ) STILL WORTH IT, THOUGH. 398 00:21:22,514 --> 00:21:23,448 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME WANDA 399 00:21:23,515 --> 00:21:25,217 SYKES! 400 00:21:25,283 --> 00:21:38,463 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 401 00:21:38,530 --> 00:21:47,205 ♪ I WONDER WHY SHE'S THE GREATEST DANCER ♪ 402 00:21:47,272 --> 00:21:57,149 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: NICE-- 403 00:21:57,215 --> 00:21:59,418 >> OH, MY GOD! 404 00:21:59,484 --> 00:22:00,552 OH, MY GOD! 405 00:22:00,619 --> 00:22:02,621 >> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 406 00:22:02,688 --> 00:22:04,122 GOOD TO SEE YOU. 407 00:22:04,189 --> 00:22:05,857 IT IS A BLESSING, ISN'T IT? 408 00:22:05,924 --> 00:22:09,294 YOU AND I BOTH LIVE PERFORMANCES ARE HOW WE CAME UP. 409 00:22:09,361 --> 00:22:11,997 WE'VE BEEN AWAY-- WE'VE BEEN AWAY FROM THE OXYGEN FOR 15 410 00:22:12,064 --> 00:22:13,231 MONTHS. 411 00:22:13,298 --> 00:22:17,936 HAVE YOU-- HAVE YOU PERFORMED IN FRONT OF A LIVE AUDIENCE SINCE 412 00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:19,037 THE PANDEMIC ENDED? 413 00:22:19,104 --> 00:22:23,241 >> LIKE, 10 DAYS AGO I DID STAND-UP OUT IN NEW JERSEY. 414 00:22:23,308 --> 00:22:24,843 AND IT WAS RIDICULOUS. 415 00:22:24,910 --> 00:22:28,580 IT WAS KNOW-- YOU KNOW, BECAUSE AT FIRST I WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS 416 00:22:28,647 --> 00:22:30,882 BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW THOSE PEOPLE. 417 00:22:30,949 --> 00:22:36,088 ( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW? 418 00:22:36,154 --> 00:22:37,289 AND... 419 00:22:37,355 --> 00:22:37,622 >> Stephen: YOU'RE NORMALLY-- YOU'RE NORMALLY FAMILIAR WITH 420 00:22:37,689 --> 00:22:39,558 THE CROWD? 421 00:22:39,624 --> 00:22:40,392 ( LAUGHTER ). 422 00:22:40,459 --> 00:22:42,194 >> WELL, I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 423 00:22:42,260 --> 00:22:47,032 IT'S, LIKE, I'VE ONLY BEEN AROUND, YOU KNOW, MASKLESS WITH 424 00:22:47,099 --> 00:22:49,468 THE PEOPLE I KNOW IN MY BACKYARD AND STUFF. 425 00:22:49,534 --> 00:22:51,870 BUT NOW, IT'S LIKE THE AUDIENCE-- YOUR AUDIENCE. 426 00:22:51,937 --> 00:22:53,972 YOU KNOW THEY'RE ALL-- THEY'RE ALL GOOD. 427 00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:54,940 THEY'RE ALL GOOD, RIGHT? 428 00:22:55,006 --> 00:22:56,174 >> Stephen: THEY'RE ALL GOOD. 429 00:22:56,241 --> 00:22:57,342 ( LAUGHTER ) THEY'RE ALL GOOD. 430 00:22:57,409 --> 00:22:59,277 I ASKED. 431 00:22:59,344 --> 00:23:01,246 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 432 00:23:01,313 --> 00:23:02,481 THEY'RE ALL COOL. 433 00:23:02,547 --> 00:23:03,081 THEY'RE ALL SUPER COOL. 434 00:23:03,148 --> 00:23:05,450 >> MY PEOPLE, MY PEOPLE. 435 00:23:05,517 --> 00:23:05,984 >> Stephen: YEAH. 436 00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:07,352 >> BUT I DIDN'T KNOW. 437 00:23:07,419 --> 00:23:08,820 SO THERE WERE SOME PEOPLE WITH MASKS. 438 00:23:08,887 --> 00:23:12,390 AND I WAS LIKE, "LOOK, YOU KNOW, KEEP YOUR MASK ON IF YOU FEEL 439 00:23:12,457 --> 00:23:16,361 LIKE YOU NEED YOUR MASK, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHERE YOU'VE BEEN." 440 00:23:16,428 --> 00:23:17,496 YOU KNOW. 441 00:23:17,562 --> 00:23:20,398 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT JUST THE ENERGY, AND IT JUST 442 00:23:20,465 --> 00:23:25,203 WAS A LITTLE TASTE OF JUST-- OF GETTING BACK TO, YOU KNOW, 443 00:23:25,270 --> 00:23:26,037 NORMAL. 444 00:23:26,104 --> 00:23:28,273 AND LIKE YOU SAID, WE FEED OFF OF THIS. 445 00:23:28,340 --> 00:23:29,808 SO WE DEFINITELY NEEDED IT, MAN. 446 00:23:29,875 --> 00:23:33,445 >> Stephen: NOW, WHAT ABOUT-- PEOPLE HERE WHO WATCH THE SHOW 447 00:23:33,512 --> 00:23:38,150 KNOW THAT MY ONLY AUDIENCE FOR 15 MONTHS WAS MY WIFE. 448 00:23:38,216 --> 00:23:39,351 AND SHE WASN'T ALWAYS THERE. 449 00:23:39,417 --> 00:23:40,385 >> RIGHT. 450 00:23:40,452 --> 00:23:42,988 >> Stephen: SHE WAS THERE, LIKE, EVERY FEW DAYS. 451 00:23:43,054 --> 00:23:45,390 SHE WOULD COME IN BECAUSE SHE HAD PITY ON ME. 452 00:23:45,457 --> 00:23:48,527 ( LAUGHTER ) SHE SAW ME-- SHE SAW ME 453 00:23:48,593 --> 00:23:50,629 PHYSICALLY DECAYING WITH NO ONE AROUND. 454 00:23:50,695 --> 00:23:55,367 WAS YOUR FAMILY-- DID YOUR FAMILY END UP BEING YOUR 455 00:23:55,433 --> 00:23:56,334 AUDIENCE? 456 00:23:56,401 --> 00:23:59,171 >> NO, THEY'RE FRENCH AND THAT'S A TOUGH CROWD. 457 00:23:59,237 --> 00:24:01,807 >> Stephen: YOUR WIFE IS FRENCH AND YOUR KIDS ARE VERY 458 00:24:01,873 --> 00:24:02,808 FRENCH, TOO? 459 00:24:02,874 --> 00:24:05,410 >> YES, THEY'RE FRENCH, VERY FRENCH. 460 00:24:05,477 --> 00:24:09,781 >> Stephen: FRENCH POOM DON'T LAUGH? 461 00:24:09,848 --> 00:24:12,951 >> THEY LAUGH BUT AT DIFFERENT THINGS FOR THE WRONG REASON. 462 00:24:13,018 --> 00:24:14,953 ( LAUGHTER ) I HAVE BEEN ENTERTAINING TO ALL 463 00:24:15,020 --> 00:24:17,589 THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY HEAD, AND THEY KNOW-- 464 00:24:17,656 --> 00:24:18,323 ( LAUGHTER ). 465 00:24:18,390 --> 00:24:18,757 >> Stephen: I DID THE SAME THING. 466 00:24:18,824 --> 00:24:20,025 >> THEY LOVE ME. 467 00:24:20,091 --> 00:24:21,860 I'M KILLING UP THERE! 468 00:24:21,927 --> 00:24:24,095 THE THEY-- OH, MY GOD! 469 00:24:24,162 --> 00:24:24,729 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 470 00:24:24,796 --> 00:24:26,264 >> Stephen: GOD BLESS THEM. 471 00:24:26,331 --> 00:24:27,465 GOD BLESS THESE PEOPLE. 472 00:24:27,532 --> 00:24:30,535 >> I HAD A WHOLE AUDIENCE UP THERE I CREATED, AND THEY-- THEY 473 00:24:30,602 --> 00:24:31,303 WERE FAIR, TOO. 474 00:24:31,369 --> 00:24:31,870 THEY WERE GOOD. 475 00:24:31,937 --> 00:24:33,104 IT WAS A GOOD AUDIENCE. 476 00:24:33,171 --> 00:24:35,307 >> Stephen: THEY DIDN'T LAUGH AT EVERYTHING, BUT YOU KNEW IF 477 00:24:35,373 --> 00:24:37,309 YOU GOT A LAUGH FROM THEM IT WAS REALLY GOOD. 478 00:24:37,375 --> 00:24:38,443 >> EXACTLY, EXACTLY. 479 00:24:38,510 --> 00:24:40,979 >> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT-- A LOT OF PEOPLE GOT DOGS OVER-- 480 00:24:41,046 --> 00:24:45,650 BECAUSE THAT'S-- WE STILL HAD A PRETTY YOUNG DOG WHEN THIS ALL 481 00:24:45,717 --> 00:24:46,551 STARTED. 482 00:24:46,618 --> 00:24:49,221 WE SPENT A LOT OF TIME WITH MY DOG BENNIE. 483 00:24:49,287 --> 00:24:50,589 DID YOU GUYS GET ANY PETS? 484 00:24:50,655 --> 00:24:53,725 >> WELL, MY SON, HE REALLY WANTED A SNAKE FOR CHRISTMAS. 485 00:24:53,792 --> 00:24:59,231 AND I WAS LIKE, "HELL NO!" >> Stephen: THAT'S NOT EXACTLY 486 00:24:59,297 --> 00:24:59,531 CUDDLY. 487 00:24:59,598 --> 00:25:00,699 >> YES. 488 00:25:00,765 --> 00:25:04,402 AND I TOLD HIM, "YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE THAT KIND OF KID. 489 00:25:04,469 --> 00:25:06,605 YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE THE WEIRD KID WITH THE REPTILES." 490 00:25:06,671 --> 00:25:07,839 >> Stephen: I KNOW THAT KID. 491 00:25:07,906 --> 00:25:11,243 >> I MEAN-- I MEAN, YOU KNOW, THEY'RE-- THEY'RE WHITE, AND I'M 492 00:25:11,309 --> 00:25:15,447 KNOW-- I'M LIKE-- I CAN'T LET YOU BE THAT WHITE. 493 00:25:15,513 --> 00:25:18,683 ( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S JUST TOO WHITE! 494 00:25:18,750 --> 00:25:21,086 >> Stephen: I DIDN'T-- I'M LEARNING SOMETHING HERE NOW. 495 00:25:21,152 --> 00:25:23,088 SO REPTILES AS A PET IS A WHITE THING. 496 00:25:23,154 --> 00:25:24,322 I DID NOT KNOW THAT. 497 00:25:24,389 --> 00:25:30,695 >> IF YOU'RE BLACK AND YOU GOT A SNAKE, YOU GOTTA BE LIKE JANET 498 00:25:30,762 --> 00:25:34,399 JACKSON LEVEL, OR YOU GOT TO BE-- YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE A 499 00:25:34,466 --> 00:25:37,002 SIX-PACK AND A LEATHER VEST AND YOU WALK AROUND WITH A SNAKE 500 00:25:37,068 --> 00:25:38,203 AROUND YOUR NECK. 501 00:25:38,270 --> 00:25:42,440 THAT'S A BLACK DUDE-- LIKE, IN NEW ORLEANS YOU CAN DO THAT IF 502 00:25:42,507 --> 00:25:43,508 YOU'RE BLACK. 503 00:25:43,575 --> 00:25:44,809 >> Stephen: AARON NEVILLE. 504 00:25:44,876 --> 00:25:45,677 >> YEAH! 505 00:25:45,744 --> 00:25:47,846 A CREEPY LITTLE WHITE KID WITH THE SNAKE? 506 00:25:47,913 --> 00:25:48,713 YOU CAN'T DO IT. 507 00:25:48,780 --> 00:25:49,948 >> Stephen: SO WHAT DID YOU GET? 508 00:25:50,015 --> 00:25:51,216 >> HE GOT GEKOS. 509 00:25:51,283 --> 00:25:55,487 I LET HIM GET-- HE GOT TWO GEKOS. 510 00:25:55,553 --> 00:25:58,823 >> Stephen: I'M SORRY, A GEKO IS A SNAKE WITH FEET. 511 00:25:58,890 --> 00:26:00,525 >> EXACTLY IS IT! 512 00:26:00,592 --> 00:26:01,493 THEY HAVE FEET. 513 00:26:01,559 --> 00:26:02,327 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE FEET. 514 00:26:02,394 --> 00:26:04,596 IF THE THING HAS FEET, THEN IT'S GOOD. 515 00:26:04,663 --> 00:26:06,431 I STILL THINK IT'S WEIRD. 516 00:26:06,498 --> 00:26:08,199 >> Stephen: DO THEY CUDDLE? 517 00:26:08,266 --> 00:26:09,935 >> THEY DON'T DO ANYTHING! 518 00:26:10,001 --> 00:26:11,136 THEY'RE USELESS! 519 00:26:11,202 --> 00:26:13,238 IT'S USELESS. 520 00:26:13,305 --> 00:26:17,208 AND THEY-- AND HERE'S THE THING I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT, THAT YOU'VE 521 00:26:17,275 --> 00:26:24,149 GOT TO FEED THEM CRICKETS TO KNOW-- YOU'VE GOT TO FEED THEM 522 00:26:24,215 --> 00:26:25,817 CRICKENTS OR WORMSES AND STUFF, RIGHT. 523 00:26:25,884 --> 00:26:30,188 NOW, I'M STANDING IN LINE IN THE PET STORE WITH CRICKETS,s AND 524 00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:34,259 I CAN FEEL MY ANCESTORS JUST LOOKING AT ME LIKE... 525 00:26:34,326 --> 00:26:40,498 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 526 00:26:40,565 --> 00:26:46,404 ( CHEERING ) "IS THIS PROGRESS?" 527 00:26:46,471 --> 00:26:49,441 "IS THIS PROGRESS?" ( LAUGHTER ) 528 00:26:49,507 --> 00:26:53,812 SO-- BUT IT'S A GOOD DISGUISE, THOUGH, BECAUSE WITH THE MASK, 529 00:26:53,878 --> 00:26:56,247 YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN IN THE PET STORE A COUPLE OF TIMES, AND 530 00:26:56,314 --> 00:26:59,117 PEOPLE ARE LIKE, "I THINK THAT'S WANDA SYKES. 531 00:26:59,184 --> 00:27:00,018 THAT'S WANDA SYKES." 532 00:27:00,085 --> 00:27:03,722 AND I SAID, "GIRL, SHE'S BUYING CRICKETS. 533 00:27:03,788 --> 00:27:05,123 THAT AIN'T WANDA." 534 00:27:05,190 --> 00:27:07,292 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 535 00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:09,094 >> Stephen: I THINK YOUR LAST SPECIAL-- 536 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,496 >> MY GOD, I'M-- I'M HAVING A FLASH. 537 00:27:11,563 --> 00:27:13,631 GO AHEAD. 538 00:27:13,698 --> 00:27:17,369 ( LAUGHTER ) UH-HUH. 539 00:27:17,435 --> 00:27:18,603 GO AHEAD, GO IF AHEAD. 540 00:27:18,670 --> 00:27:22,140 >> Stephen: THE LAST SPECIAL-- THE LAST SPECIAL WE HAD THAT YOU 541 00:27:22,207 --> 00:27:26,177 ACTUALLY PERFORMED WAS CALLED "NOT NORMAL." 542 00:27:26,244 --> 00:27:27,078 RIGHT. 543 00:27:27,145 --> 00:27:28,646 ARE THINGS FEELING MORE NORMAL FOR YOU NOW? 544 00:27:28,713 --> 00:27:30,915 >> DON'T TOUCH MY SWEATY NAPKIN! 545 00:27:30,982 --> 00:27:34,152 WHAT IS IS WRONG WITH YOU?" >> Stephen: I WAS TRYING TO 546 00:27:34,219 --> 00:27:35,420 GET-- WHAT ELSE CAN YOU GET IT? 547 00:27:35,487 --> 00:27:37,455 >> IT'S COVID, MAN! 548 00:27:37,522 --> 00:27:39,024 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 549 00:27:39,090 --> 00:27:47,032 >> Stephen: I'M NOK LAPTED, I'M N INNOC LAPTED. 550 00:27:47,098 --> 00:27:47,899 I'M ALL RIGHT. 551 00:27:47,966 --> 00:27:51,636 >> THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU WON'T GET SICK. 552 00:27:51,703 --> 00:27:55,106 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 553 00:27:55,173 --> 00:27:57,876 >> Stephen: IT'S GREAT FOR YOU TO STOP BY, WANDA. 554 00:27:57,942 --> 00:27:59,310 THANKS SO MUCH. 555 00:27:59,377 --> 00:28:01,046 ( LAUGHTER ) FOR BEING HERE. 556 00:28:01,112 --> 00:28:02,647 ARE THINGS FEELING MORE NORMAL TO YOU NOW? 557 00:28:02,714 --> 00:28:06,651 >> YES, THINGS ARE FEELING MUCH MORE NORMAL TO ME. 558 00:28:06,718 --> 00:28:09,954 BUT HERE'S THE THING-- JUST BECAUSE IT'S FEELING NORMAL-- 559 00:28:10,021 --> 00:28:12,624 LIKE, NOW, I DON'T HAVE TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND CHECK MY 560 00:28:12,690 --> 00:28:18,563 TWITTER TO SEE IF THE COUNTRY IS ON FIRE OR IF, YOU KNOW, FIND 561 00:28:18,630 --> 00:28:20,565 OUT WHAT THE PRESIDENT DID OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. 562 00:28:20,632 --> 00:28:23,635 WE DON'T HAVE TO KEEP AN EYE-- I DON'T HAVE TO BABY SIT THE 563 00:28:23,701 --> 00:28:24,235 PRESIDENT RIGHT NOW. 564 00:28:24,302 --> 00:28:26,604 SO I FEEL GOOD ABOUT THAT. 565 00:28:26,671 --> 00:28:27,372 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 566 00:28:27,439 --> 00:28:28,673 THAT'S NORMAL. 567 00:28:28,740 --> 00:28:29,274 RIGHT? 568 00:28:29,340 --> 00:28:31,576 >> Stephen: THAT'S NORMAL. 569 00:28:31,643 --> 00:28:36,881 >> BUT-- BUT-- BUT WHAT'S NORMAL THAT I DON'T LIKE IS THAT WE'VE 570 00:28:36,948 --> 00:28:39,984 GOT TO STILL HAVE ALL THIS GRIDLOCK. 571 00:28:40,051 --> 00:28:41,519 THAT'S-- YOU KNOW. 572 00:28:41,586 --> 00:28:45,657 >> Stephen: SURE, LIKE TONIGHT, THE VOTING RIGHTS ACT 573 00:28:45,723 --> 00:28:46,291 WAS GRIDLOCKED. 574 00:28:46,357 --> 00:28:48,026 >> EXACTLY, EXACTLY. 575 00:28:48,093 --> 00:28:49,194 I'M HAPPY ON THIS HAND. 576 00:28:49,260 --> 00:28:53,731 BUT ON THE OTHER HAND YOU'RE LIKE, THE SAME OLD CRAP, MAN. 577 00:28:53,798 --> 00:28:58,169 THAT'S WHY I THINK WE NEED AGE LIMITS OR SOMETHING OR TERM 578 00:28:58,236 --> 00:28:58,870 LIMITS OR SOMETHING. 579 00:28:58,937 --> 00:29:00,305 ( APPLAUSE ) TERM LIMITS. 580 00:29:00,371 --> 00:29:01,172 TERM LIMITS. 581 00:29:01,239 --> 00:29:04,476 >> Stephen: NOW, YOU'VE GOT A NEW SHOW. 582 00:29:04,542 --> 00:29:06,711 THE "THE UPSHAWS" ON NETFLIX. 583 00:29:06,778 --> 00:29:09,414 YOU'RE THE CREATIVE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER. 584 00:29:09,481 --> 00:29:10,048 YOU'RE ONE OF THE STARS. 585 00:29:10,115 --> 00:29:11,182 WHAT'S IT ABOUT? 586 00:29:11,249 --> 00:29:16,855 >> IT IS ABOUT AN AFRICAN AMERICAN FAMILY IN THE MIDWEST 587 00:29:16,921 --> 00:29:19,557 AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S-- IT'S ABOUT A WORKING CLASS FAMILY. 588 00:29:19,624 --> 00:29:23,461 AND IT'S-- AND IT SOUNDS SO SIMPLE BUT YOU KNOW THERE WASN'T 589 00:29:23,528 --> 00:29:25,830 A SHOW OUT THERE LIKE IT. 590 00:29:25,897 --> 00:29:29,400 AND ALTHOUGH AND, YOU KNOW, MIKE EPPS, HE APPROACHED ME AND SAID 591 00:29:29,467 --> 00:29:32,470 HE WANTED TO DO A SHOW LIKE THAT. 592 00:29:32,537 --> 00:29:38,176 SO CREATED THIS SHOW AND IT'S-- I JUST LOVE IT BECAUSE, 593 00:29:38,243 --> 00:29:41,379 ALTHOUGH-- I MEAN, IT'S A BLACK SHOW. 594 00:29:41,446 --> 00:29:42,547 IT'S BLACK-BLACK. 595 00:29:42,614 --> 00:29:44,716 LIKE WE DON'T HAVE NO WHITE NEIGHBORS, NOTHING LIKE THAT. 596 00:29:44,782 --> 00:29:48,486 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT-- IT BUT IT RESONATES WITH 597 00:29:48,553 --> 00:29:51,789 EVERYONE BECAUSE IT'S-- IT'S HOW THE MAJORITY OF AMERICANS ARE 598 00:29:51,856 --> 00:29:52,924 LIVING TODAY. 599 00:29:52,991 --> 00:29:55,493 IT'S THE SAME ISSUES AND PROBLEMS THAT EVERYONE IS GOING 600 00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:56,461 THROUGH. 601 00:29:56,528 --> 00:29:59,497 AND IT'S JUST-- I MEAN, IT'S HYSTERICAL, AND -- 602 00:29:59,564 --> 00:30:01,699 >> Stephen: HE SAYS HE'S MUCH LIKE HIS CHARACTER. 603 00:30:01,766 --> 00:30:04,135 HE AND HIS CHARACTER ARE VERY SIMILAR. 604 00:30:04,202 --> 00:30:09,507 ARE YOU LIKE YOUR CHARACTER, LECRECKIA? 605 00:30:09,574 --> 00:30:14,379 >> I'M KIND OF LIKE LEKRESHA IN ENSIBILITIES. 606 00:30:14,445 --> 00:30:15,947 SHE IS A BUSY BODY. 607 00:30:16,014 --> 00:30:19,083 I DON'T HAVE THAT TIME TO BE IN EVERYBODY'S BUSINESS. 608 00:30:19,150 --> 00:30:21,786 NOR DO I HAVE THE TIME. 609 00:30:21,853 --> 00:30:23,188 BUT SHE NEEDS A HOBBY. 610 00:30:23,254 --> 00:30:24,122 SHE REALLY DOES. 611 00:30:24,189 --> 00:30:25,757 >> Stephen: WANDA, IT WAS LOVELY TO SEE YOU. 612 00:30:25,823 --> 00:30:33,198 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 613 00:30:33,264 --> 00:30:33,765 GOOD LUCK WITH THE GEKOS. 614 00:30:33,831 --> 00:30:34,699 WANDA SYKES, EVERYBODY! 615 00:30:34,766 --> 00:30:36,334 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH NBC'S CRAIG MELVIN. 616 00:30:50,848 --> 00:30:58,223 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 617 00:30:58,289 --> 00:30:59,457 WELCOME BACK. 618 00:30:59,524 --> 00:31:04,329 MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ANCHOR ON NBC'S "TODAY" SHOW AND A HOST OF 619 00:31:04,395 --> 00:31:05,597 "DATELINE NBC." 620 00:31:05,663 --> 00:31:07,365 HE HAS JUST WRITTEN A NEW BOOK: "POPS: LEARNING TO BE A SON AND 621 00:31:07,432 --> 00:31:08,399 A FATHER." 622 00:31:08,466 --> 00:31:11,669 PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," CRAIG MELVIN! 623 00:31:11,736 --> 00:31:21,713 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 624 00:31:21,779 --> 00:31:26,818 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 625 00:31:26,884 --> 00:31:40,298 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> LOOK AT ALL THESE PEOPLE! 626 00:31:40,365 --> 00:31:41,966 >> Stephen: I KNOW, ISN'T IT NICE. 627 00:31:42,033 --> 00:31:44,068 WE HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THIS BACKSTAGE. 628 00:31:44,135 --> 00:31:46,237 I HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOU FOR YEARS. 629 00:31:46,304 --> 00:31:49,641 I QUOTED YOU ON THE SHOW WHEN I INTERVIEWED BILL CLINTON, BASED 630 00:31:49,707 --> 00:31:51,376 ON YOUR INTERVIEW WITH HIM. 631 00:31:51,442 --> 00:31:53,244 I SAID I THINK I KNOW THAT GUY. 632 00:31:53,311 --> 00:31:58,850 I THINK I MET THAT GUY ON A PLANE FLIGHT FROM COLUMBIA,s 633 00:31:58,916 --> 00:32:04,722 SOUTH CAROLINA, BETWEEN 200,000 AND MEOW-MEOW. 634 00:32:04,789 --> 00:32:05,723 YOU TOLD ME THAT'S TRUE. 635 00:32:05,790 --> 00:32:06,924 HOW DID WE MEET? 636 00:32:06,991 --> 00:32:10,795 >> HERE'S THE TRUTH, STEPHEN COLBERT, I WOULD NOT BE IN THIS 637 00:32:10,862 --> 00:32:15,633 SEAT ARGUABLY IF IT HAD NOT BEEN FOR A CHANCE ENCOUNTER WITH 638 00:32:15,700 --> 00:32:16,868 STEPHEN COLBERT. 639 00:32:16,934 --> 00:32:18,870 I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS-- IN 2008, STEPHEN COLBERT-- SOME OF 640 00:32:18,936 --> 00:32:21,739 YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO REMEMBER THIS, HE RAN FOR PRESIDENT. 641 00:32:21,806 --> 00:32:23,308 >> Stephen: I DID, I DID. 642 00:32:23,374 --> 00:32:24,642 YEAH, NOT A GOOD IDEA. 643 00:32:24,709 --> 00:32:30,882 >> HE'S RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT BACK WHEN THE IDEA OF SOMEONE 644 00:32:30,948 --> 00:32:35,520 BEING ON TELEVISION AND HAVING A BIG PERSONALITY, WHEN THAT 645 00:32:35,586 --> 00:32:39,390 SEEMED TO MAYBE NOT BE -- >> Stephen: WHEN THAT WAS 646 00:32:39,457 --> 00:32:39,824 FUNNY! 647 00:32:39,891 --> 00:32:40,992 >> RIGHT, RIGHT. 648 00:32:41,059 --> 00:32:41,926 >> Stephen: I WAS RUNNING IN SOUTH CAROLINA, MY HOME STATE, 649 00:32:41,993 --> 00:32:43,261 WHERE YOU WORKED. 650 00:32:43,328 --> 00:32:45,129 >> YOU WERE IN THE SOUTH CAROLINA PRELIMINARY. 651 00:32:45,196 --> 00:32:47,799 AND HE HAD JUST WRITTEN THE BOOK AS WELL. 652 00:32:47,865 --> 00:32:49,901 THE BOOK, MODESTLY TITLED, I AM AMERICA." 653 00:32:49,967 --> 00:32:53,438 SO I'M ON THIS PLANE AT COLUMBIA METROPOLITAN AIRPORT, AND I'M ON 654 00:32:53,504 --> 00:32:57,909 MY WAY TO A JOB INTERVIEW IN NEW YORK CITY. 655 00:32:57,975 --> 00:33:03,181 I WAS DOING THE LOCAL NEWS AT WIS-TV IN COLUMBIA. 656 00:33:03,247 --> 00:33:05,583 >> Stephen: COLUMBIA'S NEWS LEADER. 657 00:33:05,650 --> 00:33:06,351 >> YES! 658 00:33:06,417 --> 00:33:07,485 FELLOW SOUTH CAROLINAIAN, HE KNOWS. 659 00:33:07,552 --> 00:33:08,653 SO I'M ON THE PLANE. 660 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:11,289 I COULD NOT BE MORE NERVOUS ABOUT MY JOB INTERVIEW IN THE 661 00:33:11,356 --> 00:33:12,557 BIG CITY. 662 00:33:12,623 --> 00:33:16,127 AND I'M SITTING WINDOW SEAT AND THEY'RE ABOUT TO CLOSE WANT DOOR 663 00:33:16,194 --> 00:33:19,263 BECAUSE THE-- YOU KNOW, IT'S, LIKE, 10 MINUTES BEFORE TAKEOFF. 664 00:33:19,330 --> 00:33:22,834 AND THIS GUY GETS ON WITH, LIKE, THREE OR FOUR OTHER PEOPLE, 665 00:33:22,900 --> 00:33:23,735 FLURRY OF ACTIVITY. 666 00:33:23,801 --> 00:33:25,303 AND HE SITS IN THE CHAIR RIGHT NEXT TO ME. 667 00:33:25,370 --> 00:33:29,907 I LOOK OVER AND I'M LIKE, "OH, MY GOD, IT'S THE GUY FROM JON 668 00:33:29,974 --> 00:33:31,809 STEWART'S SHOW." 669 00:33:31,876 --> 00:33:34,278 ( LAUGHTER ) AND-- AND I'M LIKE WELL I DON'T 670 00:33:34,345 --> 00:33:35,380 WANT TO BE THAT GUY. 671 00:33:35,446 --> 00:33:38,549 BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, YOU NO ONE WANTS TO BE THAT GUY. 672 00:33:38,616 --> 00:33:39,617 AND YOU SAID SOMETHING TO ME. 673 00:33:39,684 --> 00:33:40,718 YOU COULD NOT HAVE BEEN KINDER. 674 00:33:40,785 --> 00:33:43,020 YOU SAID, "HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" 675 00:33:43,087 --> 00:33:45,456 AND AT THAT POINT, I JUST NEEDED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. 676 00:33:45,523 --> 00:33:46,224 ( LAUGHTER ). 677 00:33:46,290 --> 00:33:47,892 >> Stephen: YOU'RE ALL HOPPED UP. 678 00:33:47,959 --> 00:33:49,093 >> OH, MY GOD! 679 00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:51,829 >> Stephen: I REMEMBER YOU WERE GOING TO INTERVIEW AT NBC. 680 00:33:51,896 --> 00:33:53,631 >> NBC NEWS. 681 00:33:53,698 --> 00:33:55,833 I PROCEED TO TALK ABOUT THE JOB AND HOW NERVOUS I AM. 682 00:33:55,900 --> 00:33:59,971 AND THIS GUY, TOTAL STRANGER, PROCEEDS TO TALK ABOUT HIS 683 00:34:00,037 --> 00:34:01,739 BESTSELLING BOOK THAT'S ON THE "NEW YORK TIMES" LIST. 684 00:34:01,806 --> 00:34:04,275 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT AFTER THAT, YOU PROCEEDED TO 685 00:34:04,342 --> 00:34:05,977 TELL ME YOUR STORY. 686 00:34:06,043 --> 00:34:09,113 AND YOU TALKED ABOUT-- I'LL NEVER FORGET IT AS LONG AS I 687 00:34:09,180 --> 00:34:10,314 LIVE. 688 00:34:10,381 --> 00:34:14,652 YOU TALKED ABOUT HOW TRAGEDY, EARLY IN YOUR LIFE, SHAPED WHO 689 00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:18,356 YOU WOULD BECOME, AND HOW YOU FOUND COMEDY. 690 00:34:18,423 --> 00:34:23,895 AND YOU TALKED ABOUT HOW WHEN YOU GOT THE CALL TO GO TO "THE 691 00:34:23,961 --> 00:34:27,865 DAILY SHOW," HOW UP UNTIL THAT POINT YOU WERE WRITING FOR SOME 692 00:34:27,932 --> 00:34:31,402 SITCOMS, AND YOU WEREN'T KILLING IT. 693 00:34:31,469 --> 00:34:35,640 AND WHEN THE PHONE CALL CAME, YOU WERE RELIEVED. 694 00:34:35,706 --> 00:34:37,842 YOU'D DONE SECOND CITY, YOU'D DONE ALL THIS STUFF. 695 00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:40,845 UP UNTIL THAT POINT YOU TALKED ABOUT RENTING FURNITURE WITH 696 00:34:40,912 --> 00:34:45,416 YOUR WIFE IN SOME APARTMENT AND HOW YOU HAD STRUGGLED MIGHTILY 697 00:34:45,483 --> 00:34:46,217 ALL THESE YEARS. 698 00:34:46,284 --> 00:34:47,885 AND THEN YOU BECAME STEPHEN COLBERT. 699 00:34:47,952 --> 00:34:53,424 AND I REMEMBER IN THAT MOMENT THINKING, IF THIS GUY CAN DO 700 00:34:53,491 --> 00:34:54,225 IT... 701 00:34:54,292 --> 00:34:56,327 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 702 00:34:56,394 --> 00:34:59,730 IF THIS GUY CAN MAKE IT... 703 00:34:59,797 --> 00:35:00,665 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YOU'RE WELCOME. 704 00:35:00,731 --> 00:35:02,066 >> THANK YOU! 705 00:35:02,133 --> 00:35:03,000 >> Stephen: YOU'RE WELCOME. 706 00:35:03,067 --> 00:35:03,634 >> SERIOUSLY. 707 00:35:03,701 --> 00:35:04,769 >> Stephen: YOU'RE WELCOME. 708 00:35:04,836 --> 00:35:07,905 >> IT WAS THE PEP TALK THAT THE KID FROM COLUMBIA, SOUTH 709 00:35:07,972 --> 00:35:09,106 CAROLINA, DESPERATELY NEEDED. 710 00:35:09,173 --> 00:35:12,043 >> Stephen: WELL, SPEAKING OF, YOU KNOW, BEING SHAPED BY THE 711 00:35:12,109 --> 00:35:16,981 OWN EVENTS OF YOUR LIFE, YOU'VE WRITTEN A NEW BOOK CALLED "POPS: 712 00:35:17,048 --> 00:35:19,116 LEARNING TO BE A SON AND A FATHER." 713 00:35:19,183 --> 00:35:22,453 WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT YOUR DAD? 714 00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:26,257 >> SO NOT TO GIVE AWAY TOO MUCH, THE FIRST LINE IN THE BOOK IS-- 715 00:35:26,324 --> 00:35:30,862 YOU KNOW, MY DAD WAS BORN IN A FEDERAL PRISON IN WEST VIRGINIA, 716 00:35:30,928 --> 00:35:31,863 1950. 717 00:35:31,929 --> 00:35:35,132 AND IT'S NOT SOMETHING THAT I REALLY KNEW ABOUT. 718 00:35:35,199 --> 00:35:37,635 IT'S NOT SOMETHING WE REALLY TALKED ABOUT UNTIL I SAT DOWN TO 719 00:35:37,702 --> 00:35:41,539 WRITE THIS BOOK, AND THE WAYS THAT THAT SHAPES AND MOLDS 720 00:35:41,606 --> 00:35:46,477 SOMEONE, AS YOU MIGHT IMAGINE, YOU DON'T FULLY APPRECIATE UNTIL 721 00:35:46,544 --> 00:35:47,678 LATER IN LIFE. 722 00:35:47,745 --> 00:35:52,617 SO MY DAD STRUGGLED MIGHTILY MOST OF MY LIFE-- UP UNTIL, IN 723 00:35:52,683 --> 00:35:57,555 FACT, THREE YEARS AGO-- WITH VARIOUS ADDICTIONS-- GAMBLING, 724 00:35:57,622 --> 00:35:58,723 BOOZE. 725 00:35:58,789 --> 00:36:05,096 AND HE WAS NOT THE KIND OF FATHER THAT I WANTED AND NEEDED 726 00:36:05,162 --> 00:36:07,098 IN THE 80s AND 90s GROWING UP. 727 00:36:07,164 --> 00:36:08,966 >> Stephen: WAS HE PRESENT FOR YOU? 728 00:36:09,033 --> 00:36:10,167 WAS HE THERE? 729 00:36:10,234 --> 00:36:12,103 >> HE WAS PHYSICALLY PRESENT BUT NOTUE KNOW, NOT EMOTIONALLY 730 00:36:12,169 --> 00:36:13,704 PRESENT, NOT SPIRITUALLY PRESENT. 731 00:36:13,771 --> 00:36:14,572 HE WORKED AT THE POST OFFICE. 732 00:36:14,639 --> 00:36:17,141 HE WAS A MAIL CLERK FOR ALMOST 30 YEARS. 733 00:36:17,208 --> 00:36:19,110 DURING THE DAY HE WAS SLEEPING. 734 00:36:19,176 --> 00:36:20,278 AT NIGHT HE WAS WORKING. 735 00:36:20,344 --> 00:36:24,916 IF HE WASN'T WORKING HE WAS DRINKING OR PASSED OUT. 736 00:36:24,982 --> 00:36:27,218 SO IT-- IT AFFECTED ME. 737 00:36:27,285 --> 00:36:31,556 AND I DIDN'T FULLY APPRECIATE IT-- I DIDN'T FULLY APPRECIATE 738 00:36:31,622 --> 00:36:35,159 THE WAYS IT AFFECTED ME UNTIL I GOT OLD AND I STARTED SEEING A 739 00:36:35,226 --> 00:36:37,261 THERAPIST AND TALKING ABOUT IT. 740 00:36:37,328 --> 00:36:41,832 AND SO THREE YEARS AGO, MY DAD GOT IN A LITTLE FENDER BENDER 741 00:36:41,899 --> 00:36:44,468 BECAUSE HE'D BEEN DRINKING. 742 00:36:44,535 --> 00:36:47,505 AND WE STAGED AN INTERVENTION. 743 00:36:47,572 --> 00:36:48,639 WE HAD DONE IT BEFORE. 744 00:36:48,706 --> 00:36:50,975 WE STAGED INTERVENTIONS BEFORE AND IT HADN'T STUCK. 745 00:36:51,042 --> 00:36:52,109 THIS TIME IT STUCK. 746 00:36:52,176 --> 00:36:53,010 WE USED A PROFESSIONAL. 747 00:36:53,077 --> 00:36:55,413 AND HE WAS 67 YEARS OLD, STEPHEN. 748 00:36:55,479 --> 00:37:01,085 HE HAD BEEN DRINKING FOR MORE THAN 40 YEARS. 749 00:37:01,152 --> 00:37:03,955 HE KICKED THE GAMBLING ADDICTION. 750 00:37:04,021 --> 00:37:06,090 HE DID THAT ABOUT 15, 20 YEARS. 751 00:37:06,157 --> 00:37:08,859 BUT HE WAS DRINKING TO THE POINT WHERE HE WAS GOING TO HURT 752 00:37:08,926 --> 00:37:10,194 HIMSELF OR HURT SOMEONE ELSE. 753 00:37:10,261 --> 00:37:16,200 AND THEN AT 67 YEARS OLD, THE VILLAGE THAT LOVED HIM, LOVES 754 00:37:16,267 --> 00:37:22,173 HIM, WE SAT HIM DOWN AND WE HIRED A PROFESSIONAL. 755 00:37:22,239 --> 00:37:26,377 WE BROUGHT HER IN, AND WE READ OUR LETTERS OF LOVE, AND HE'LL 756 00:37:26,444 --> 00:37:31,048 CHECKED HIMSELF IN TO A REHAB FACILITY IN-PATIENT, AND 12 757 00:37:31,115 --> 00:37:36,187 WEEKS LATER HE COMES OUT, AND HE'S THE GUY ON-- ON THE COVER 758 00:37:36,253 --> 00:37:37,355 THERE. 759 00:37:37,421 --> 00:37:40,825 THAT PICTURE IS FROM MY-- MY SEVEN-YEAR-OLD SON'S BIRTHDAY 760 00:37:40,891 --> 00:37:41,726 PARTY. 761 00:37:41,792 --> 00:37:44,829 HE IS MAKING UP FOR LOST TIME IN A BIG WAY. 762 00:37:44,895 --> 00:37:46,664 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A 763 00:37:46,731 --> 00:37:47,465 QUICK BREAK. 764 00:37:47,531 --> 00:37:48,799 BUT PLEASE DON'T GO ANYWHERE. 765 00:37:48,866 --> 00:37:49,867 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE CRAIG MELVIN. 766 00:38:15,292 --> 00:38:19,230 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> BACK IN 2017 YOU EXPRESSED 767 00:38:19,296 --> 00:38:24,468 CONCERNS OF THE MEMBERSHIP OF THE ALL-WHITE BAILEY COUNTRY 768 00:38:24,535 --> 00:38:25,703 CLUB. 769 00:38:25,770 --> 00:38:26,904 >> IT'S ME, JUST THINK OF THE CONSEQUENCES, NOT ME SITTING BY 770 00:38:26,971 --> 00:38:29,573 THE POOL TELLING RACIST JOES AND TAUNTING EACH OTHER'S WIVES. 771 00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:30,474 YOU'LL MISS IT. 772 00:38:30,541 --> 00:38:33,244 >> IT'S A LONG TRADITION IN PROCEED RODE. 773 00:38:33,310 --> 00:38:35,479 >> GOOD JOB, SHELDON. 774 00:38:35,546 --> 00:38:36,380 GOOD CHOICE! 775 00:38:36,447 --> 00:38:37,448 EXTRA TOWELS FOR YOU! 776 00:38:49,326 --> 00:38:50,494 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 777 00:38:50,561 --> 00:38:57,268 WE ARE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF "POPS," THE "TODAY" SHOW'S CRAIG 778 00:38:57,334 --> 00:39:01,772 IT'S A BEAUTIFUL PROJECT FOR YOU TO DO, YOU AND YOUR FATHER TO 779 00:39:01,839 --> 00:39:03,841 GET TOGETHER FOR THIS. 780 00:39:03,908 --> 00:39:07,078 YOU INTERVIEWED PRESIDENT CLINTON. 781 00:39:07,144 --> 00:39:13,284 YOU INTERVIEWED PRESIDENT BIDEN. 782 00:39:13,350 --> 00:39:14,452 MICHAEL JORDAN. 783 00:39:14,518 --> 00:39:17,521 WAS IT-- WAS IT NERVE-RACKING TO INTERVIEW YOUR OWN FATHER? 784 00:39:17,588 --> 00:39:22,460 >> OH, GOD, IT'S THE HARDEST INTERVIEW I'VE EVER DONE. 785 00:39:22,526 --> 00:39:26,130 IT'S-- FORTUNATELY, IT WAS HEIGHT OF THE PANDEMIC SO WE 786 00:39:26,197 --> 00:39:27,798 COULDN'T DO IT IN PERSON. 787 00:39:27,865 --> 00:39:29,967 I WAS ABLE TO DO IT OVER THE PHONE, THANK GOD! 788 00:39:30,034 --> 00:39:33,070 THE BLESSING IS MY KIDS AND THEIR KIDS AND THEIR KIDS IF 789 00:39:33,137 --> 00:39:35,840 THEY SO CHOOSE, THEY'VE GOT HOURS OF MY FATHER TELLING HIS 790 00:39:35,906 --> 00:39:42,780 STORY IN HIS OWN WORDS BUT IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT MY DAD'S STORY 791 00:39:42,847 --> 00:39:45,249 AND STRUGGLE WITH ADDICTION AND CLIMBING THE MOUNTAIN. 792 00:39:45,316 --> 00:39:47,418 IT'S A LOVE LETTER OF FATHERHOOD. 793 00:39:47,485 --> 00:39:51,722 YOU'RE A FATHER OF THREE, AND YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT CAN BE 794 00:39:51,789 --> 00:39:52,990 SOMETIMES. 795 00:39:53,057 --> 00:40:00,431 AS KIDS GET OLDER, IT'S A STORY OF RESILIENCY HIGH SON IS 7, MY 796 00:40:00,498 --> 00:40:06,804 DAUGHTER SIP OF SIBYL IS FOUR, BUT SHE WILL PROBABLY TELL YOU 797 00:40:06,871 --> 00:40:08,038 SHE'S 14. 798 00:40:08,105 --> 00:40:10,508 >> Stephen: MINE ARE GROWN AND I KNOW IT'S CLICHE, BUT IT GOES 799 00:40:10,574 --> 00:40:14,945 LIKE THAT. 800 00:40:15,012 --> 00:40:16,013 "POPS" IS ON SALE NOW. 801 00:40:25,422 --> 00:40:27,792 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 802 00:40:27,858 --> 00:40:29,126 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE CHRISTINE BARANSKI. 803 00:40:29,193 --> 00:40:31,395 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 804 00:40:31,462 --> 00:40:32,062 GOOD NIGHT. 805 00:40:32,129 --> 00:40:35,766 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 806 00:40:35,833 --> 00:40:36,333 Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by