1 00:00:03,503 --> 00:00:04,587 HARRY AND MEGHAN MARK EL RIFT WITH BUCKINGHAM PALACE 2 00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:07,132 SUDDENLY ESCALATE ADD HEAD OF OPRAH WINFREY'S EXCLUSIVE 3 00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:08,341 INTERVIEW ON CBS. 4 00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:14,389 NEW ALLEGATIONS THE COUPLE CALLS A CALCULATED SMEAR CAMPAIGN. 5 00:00:14,472 --> 00:00:16,474 >> IT'S GTTING NASTY. 6 00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:21,229 >> ALL RISE FOR HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN. 7 00:00:21,312 --> 00:00:26,776 >> MY LORD AND MEMBERS OF THE HOUSE OF COMMONS, I ILL█ NOW 8 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:33,324 TEAR THAT YANKEE TRAMP MEGHAN MARKLE A NEW ONE. 9 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:33,908 AHEM. 10 00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:35,118 MEGHAN MARKLE IS SO FAT. 11 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:37,287 >> HOW FAT IS SHE? 12 00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:41,791 >> MEGHAN MARK SEL SO FAT THAT WHEN SHE SITS AROUND THE HOUSE 13 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,586 SHE SITS AROUND THE HOUSE. 14 00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:50,633 OF COMMONS WHICH IS QUITE LARGE. 15 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:51,134 KNOCK KNOCK. 16 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:53,011 >> WHO'S THERE? 17 00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:54,345 >> HARRY AND MEGHAN. 18 00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:57,807 >> HARRY AND MEGHAN WHO. 19 00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:58,767 >> EXACTLY. 20 00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:02,645 NOBODY CARES SINCE THEY QUIT THE ROYAL FAMILY. 21 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:06,149 A BOOM, KISS MY BUTT ERRED CRUMPET. 22 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:07,150 IT'S MY TIME. 23 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:15,158 REMEMBER TO TIP YOUR FOOTMAN. 24 00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:18,787 >> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT. 25 00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:22,707 TONIGHT: PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: 26 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:31,966 JANE FONDA THE ANCHORS OF "VIRTUE SIGNAL" 27 00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:32,842 AND A MUSICAL PERFORMANCE BY KINGS OF LEON 28 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:37,180 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN." 29 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:40,183 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE 30 00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:46,731 BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 31 00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:49,025 WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW." 32 00:01:49,108 --> 00:01:50,693 I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 33 00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:56,366 FOLKS, A LOT HAS CHANGED BECAUSE OF THE ATTACKS ON JANUARY 6: 34 00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,368 2021 HOW WE SEE EACH OTHER AS 35 00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:02,705 AMERICANS, MY UNDERWEAR, AND RISK ASSESSMENT. 36 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:06,709 TODAY WAS A PARTICULARLY TENSE DAY IN WASHINGTON, BECAUSE 37 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:09,254 YESTERDAY, THE CAPITOL POLICE ANNOUNCED THAT THEY HAD OBTAINED 38 00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:13,716 INTELLIGENCE ABOUT A Q-ANON PLOT TO BREACH THE U.S. CAPITOL. 39 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:14,843 AGAIN? 40 00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:16,886 COME ON, Q-BEES. 41 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:20,765 REMEMBER WHAT EINSTEIN SAID, "THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY IS 42 00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:22,725 DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER BUT EXPECTING DIFFERENT 43 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,269 RESULTS. 44 00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:26,813 ALSO, QANON. 45 00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:30,775 THOSE PEOPLE ARE (BLEEP) CRAZY." 46 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:34,821 BECAUSE THE INAUGURATION USED TO BE ON MARCH 4, ACCORDING TO 47 00:02:34,904 --> 00:02:38,825 Q-SPIRACY THEORISTS, TODAY WAS THE DAY THE FORMER POTUS WOULD 48 00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:40,243 BE RESTORED TO THE PRESIDENCY. 49 00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:42,787 THAT DID NOT HAPPEN. 50 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:46,791 BUT HE WAS RESTORED AS CUSTOMER OF THE MONTH AT THE PALM BEACH 51 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,418 K.F.C.-TACO BELL. 52 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,837 NOW, WHILE THEY TOOK THESE THREATS SERIOUSLY, FEDERAL 53 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:54,549 OFFICIALS DID DESCRIBE THEM AS MORE "ASPIRATIONAL" THAN 54 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:55,758 OPERATONAL. 55 00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:58,887 WHICH EXPLAINS WHY THE Q-ANON MESSAGE BOARDS WERE FILLED WITH 56 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:03,266 INSPIRATIONAL MESSAGES LIKE: "LIVE, LAUGH, LOOT NANCY 57 00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:08,229 PELOSI'S OFFICE," AND "HANG MIKE PENCE IN THERE, BABY." 58 00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:10,106 WERE THESE PLANS EVER REAL? 59 00:03:10,189 --> 00:03:11,190 WHO KNOWS. 60 00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:14,903 BUT OUT OF AN ABUNDANCE OF CAUTION, THE HOUSE CANCELED 61 00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:16,404 TODAY'S LEGISLATIVE SESSION. 62 00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:20,116 IT'S KIND OF LIKE A DOMESTIC TERRORISM SNOW DAY. 63 00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:22,911 THEY'RE BOTH DANGEROUS AND WHITE. 64 00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:26,831 AND I UNDERSTAND WHY THEY WANT TO BE EXTRA CAUTIOUS. 65 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:29,125 WE'RE LEARNING MORE ABOUT THE TROUBLING FAILURE TO PROTECT 66 00:03:29,208 --> 00:03:30,835 CONGRESS DURING THE JANUARY 6 RIOT. 67 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:34,797 FOR INSTANCE, YESTERDAY, THE COMMANDER OF THE D.C. NATIONAL 68 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:37,133 GUARD TESTIFIED BEFORE THE SENATE ABOUT WHAT DELAYED HIS 69 00:03:37,216 --> 00:03:41,304 TROOPS FROM COMING TO THE RESCUE. 70 00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:44,766 >> AT 1:49 P.M., I RECEIVED A FRANTIC CALL FROM THE CHIEF OF 71 00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:48,353 THE U.S. CAPITOL POLICE STEVEN SUND. 72 00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:49,312 IMMEDIATELY AFTER THAT 1:49 CALL, I ALERTED THE U.S. ARMY 73 00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:54,776 SENIOR LEADERSHIP OF THE REQUEST. 74 00:03:54,859 --> 00:03:58,863 THE APPROVAL FOR THE CHIEF'S REQUEST WOULD EVENTUALLY COME 75 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:02,909 FROM THE ACTING SECRETARY OF DEFENSE AND BE RELAYED TO ME BY 76 00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:04,160 ARMY SENIOR LEADERS AT 5:08 P.M. 77 00:04:04,243 --> 00:04:09,165 ABOUT THREE HOURS AND 19 MINUTES LATER. 78 00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:10,959 >> Stephen: THE PENTAGON DIDN'T SEND HELP FOR THREE HOURS AND 19 79 00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,502 MINUTES. 80 00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:14,963 WHEN THE CALL FOR HELP CAME IN, HAD THE JOINT CHIEFS JUST 81 00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:21,803 PRESSED PLAY ON "THE IRISHMAN?" "WHO'S CALLING? 82 00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:22,971 CONGRESS? 83 00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:26,975 LET IT GO TO VOICEMAIL. 84 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:29,060 I WANT TO SEE YOUNG JOE PESCI!" AND I'M BEING TOLD WE HAVE A 85 00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:30,979 RECORDING OF THE PENTAGON'S VOICEMAIL. 86 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:32,355 >> THANK YOU FOR CALLING THE PENTAGON. 87 00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:38,861 IF YOU LOST THE KEYS TO YOUR AIRCRAFT CARRIER, PRESS ONE. 88 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:40,738 IF THIS IS AN EMERGENCY PRESS TWO, AND HELP WILL BE SENT IN 89 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:41,864 THREE HOURS. 90 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:42,907 PLEASE HOLD. 91 00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:49,747 YOUR COUP IS IMPORTANT TO US. 92 00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:52,375 >> Stephen: ONE THING HAS BEEN SWIFT, AND THAT'S JUSTICE FOR 93 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:53,710 THE RIOTERS. 94 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,211 I'LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S "SEDITIONIST ROUND-UP 95 00:04:55,294 --> 00:04:58,923 ROUNDUP." 96 00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:03,052 >> I HAVE A BEEF WITH MOOO-ANON. 97 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:06,848 >> Stephen: FIRST UP, REMEMBER THIS INSURRECTIONIST IDIOT, WHO 98 00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:10,727 PUT HIS FEET UP IN NANCY PELOSI'S OFFICE? 99 00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:14,230 HE'S A SELF-DESCRIBED WHITE NATIONALIST NAMED RICHARD "BIGO" 100 00:05:14,313 --> 00:05:15,189 BARNETT. 101 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:18,609 "BIG O" BECAUSE "TOTAL ZERO" WAS ALREADY TAKEN. 102 00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:20,403 AS YOU MIGHT EXPECT FROM A GUY WHO BRAGGED ON CAMERA ABOUT HIS 103 00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:25,408 CRIMES, HE'S BEEN TOSSED IN PRISON. 104 00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:27,035 AND AT A COURT DATE TODAY, HE SHOWED TRUE CONTRITION ABOUT THE 105 00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:30,955 SERIOUSNESS OF HIS CRIMES. 106 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:34,083 JUST KIDDING, HE CRIED LIKE A BIGO BABY, YELLING, "THEY'RE 107 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,293 DRAGGING THIS OUT. 108 00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:39,047 THEY'RE LETTING EVERYONE ELSE OUT," INSISTING THAT "IT'S NOT 109 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:41,758 FAIR" THAT HE IS STILL IN JAIL AND SAYING "THIS HAS BEEN A 110 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:42,967 BUNCH OF CRAP." 111 00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:45,762 NOT TRUE. 112 00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:50,975 THE "BUNCH OF CRAP" WAS SMEARED ON THE WALLS OF CONGRESS, AND 113 00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:52,894 THEY ARRESTED THAT GUY, TOO. 114 00:05:52,977 --> 00:05:55,104 TURNS OUT CHIEF DISTRICT JUDGE BERYL HOWELL USED TO WORK IN THE 115 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:58,983 CAPITOL ON THE SENATE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE, SO SHE MAY HAVE BEEN 116 00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:03,029 MORE OFFENDED BY THE ASSAULT THAN OTHERS. 117 00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:06,991 OOH, THAT'S A SPOT OF BAD LUCK. 118 00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:11,120 THAT'S LIKE THE KOOL AID MAN ON TRIAL FOR DESTRUCTION OF 119 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,289 PROPERTY FACING JUDGE ROGER BRICK-WALL. 120 00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:15,083 (AS KOOL AID MAN) "OH, NO." 121 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:19,128 NEXT UP IN THE CORRAL OF CONSEQUENCES, QANON SHAMAN AND 122 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:23,091 MAN ON THE ENDANGERED DUMBASS LIST, JACOB CHANSLEY. 123 00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:27,095 CHANSLEY'S BEEN IN FEDERAL CUSTODY SINCE JANUARY, AND 124 00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:30,431 HERE'S WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE NOW. 125 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:33,726 WOW, IS THERE SUCH A THING AS A GLOW-DOWN? 126 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:36,479 IT'S LIKE FINDING OUT ATILLA THE HUN WAS ACTUALLY ATTILA 127 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:38,606 HUNNINGBERG, SUBSTITUTE TEACHER. 128 00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:42,777 CHANSLEY GAVE AN INTERVIEW FROM JAIL TO THE NEW NEWS PROGRAM "60 129 00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:51,077 MINUTES+," ON AMERICA'S BELOVED STREAMING SERVICE: "PARAMOUNT+." 130 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:55,039 HEY, EVERYBODY, IT'S PLUSSY! 131 00:06:55,123 --> 00:07:00,169 PARAMOUNT PLUS MASCOT HEY, PLUSSY! 132 00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,505 WHY DOESN'T HE TALK, OH, I FORGOT, FOR BUDGET TEAR REASONS 133 00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:08,636 THEY CUT OUT HIS L ARYNX. 134 00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:12,390 GOOD-BYE, PLUSSY, GOOD-BYE. 135 00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:15,184 THE SHAMAN HAD A UNIQUE TAKE ON HIS ACTIONS DURING THE CAPITOL 136 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:15,810 INSURRECTION. 137 00:07:15,893 --> 00:07:19,188 >> MY ACTIONS ON JANUARY 6? 138 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,356 HOW WOULD I DESCRIBE THEM? 139 00:07:20,439 --> 00:07:24,360 WELL, I SANG A SONG, AND THAT'S A PART OF SHAMANISM. 140 00:07:24,443 --> 00:07:28,698 IT'S ABOUT CREATING POSITIVE VIBRATIONS IN A SACRED CHAMBER. 141 00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,575 I ALSO STOPPED PEOPLE IN STEALING AND VANDALIZING THAT 142 00:07:30,658 --> 00:07:35,163 SECRET SPACE, THE SENATE, OKAY, I ACTUALLY STOPPED SOMEBODY FROM 143 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,581 STEALING MUFFINS OUT OF THE BREAK ROOM. 144 00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:41,502 >> Stephen: OH, THANK GOD, HE SAVED CONGRESS' MUFFINS. 145 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:46,007 REMINDED ME OF THE DRAMATIC SECOND VERSE OF THE STAR 146 00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:50,595 SPANGLED BANNER, GAVE PROOF THROUGH THE FIGHT THAT THE BRAN 147 00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:59,103 WAS STILL THERE OH SAY DOES THAT CRUMB SPANGLED SNACK TRAY 148 00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:03,232 YET STAY WITH THE LITTLE 149 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:09,864 DEBBIE'S CAKES AND THE CHIPS FRITO LAY! 150 00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:12,909 THROW HIM IN JAIL! 151 00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,869 BUT, DESPITE DESTROYING HIS LIFE ON THE EX-PRESIDENT'S 152 00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:19,248 INVITATION, CHANSLEY HASN'T GIVEN UP ON THE MAN. 153 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:23,252 >> HE CARES ABOUT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, AND THAT'S ALSOWHY IT 154 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,922 WOUNDED ME SO DEEPLY AND WHY DISAPPOINTED ME SO GREATLY THAT 155 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:30,593 I AND OTHERS DID NOT GET A PARDON. 156 00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:31,886 >> Stephen: THAT'S TOUGH. 157 00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:34,889 BUT IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, THE ONLY REASON HE DIDN'T PARDON 158 00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:36,724 YOU IS THAT HE ACTUALLY DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU. 159 00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:39,227 LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE MADE THAT MISTAKE. 160 00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:47,235 BUT THEY GOT ALIMONY. 161 00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:51,113 NOW IT'S TIME FOR "SPACE NEWS! 162 00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,198 ROCKET EDITION." 163 00:08:52,281 --> 00:08:57,161 GO SAY I HAD TO PLUSSY YESTERDAY, THERE WAS A NEW SPACE 164 00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:59,121 ACHIEVEMENT FOR TESLA FOUNDER AND WORLD'S RICHEST STEAMED 165 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:00,164 DUMPLING, ELON MUSK. 166 00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,667 MUSK'S COMPANY, SPACE-X, LAUNCHED A PROTOTYPE OF ITS 167 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:06,128 SIGNATURE ORBITAL VEHICLE, THE "STARSHIP" ROCKET. 168 00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:09,298 THIS IS THE PHILLIPS HEAD VERSION. 169 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,425 SPACEX'S UNMANNED ROCKETS DISTINGUISH THEMSELVES BY 170 00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:15,763 DELIVERING THEIR PAYLOAD AND THEN LANDING ON THEIR FINS, 171 00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:18,516 BUCK ROGERS-STYLE, SO THEY CAN BE REUSED. 172 00:09:18,599 --> 00:09:19,558 IT'S SUPER EXCITING. 173 00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:22,478 "STARSHIP" IS THE LATEST AND LARGEST OF THESE TO BE 174 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:23,562 ATTEMPTED. 175 00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:27,316 AND ALTHOUGH THE FIRST TWO "STARSHIP" PROTOTYPES WERE 176 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:35,324 DESTROYED ON LANDING, THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM. 177 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:39,036 WOW! 178 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,830 OKAY, LITTLE BOBBLE ON THE LANDING... 179 00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:43,291 JUDGES ARE GOING TO TAKE OFF TWO-TENTHS OF A POINT. 180 00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:46,669 BUT THEY DID IT! 181 00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:49,630 WHAT AN INCREDIBLE ACHIEVEMENT, EVEN MANAGING TO LAND ON ONE 182 00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:50,840 ENGINE. 183 00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,675 SO, CONGRATULATIONS TO MUSK AND EVERYONE AT SPACEX FOR A SAFE 184 00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:55,303 LANDING. 185 00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:59,307 I AM READY TO BUY MY TICK... 186 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:04,687 OH! 187 00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:07,565 SHALL PUT THAT AWAY FOR NOW. 188 00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:11,235 OKAY, JUST A FEW WRINKLES LEFT TO IRON OUT. 189 00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:14,655 LAST WEEK, THE HOUSE APPROVED BIDEN'S $1.9 TRILLION COVID 190 00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:18,159 STIMULUS PACKAGE, BUT NOW IT'S BEING HELD UP IN THE SENATE BY 191 00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:21,829 WISCONSIN SENATOR RON JOHNSON, SEEN HERE IN HIS PUPA STATE. 192 00:10:21,912 --> 00:10:24,999 YESTERDAY, JOHNSON ANNOUNCED THAT HE WILL DELAY A VOTE ON 193 00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:27,251 GETTING AMERICANS MUCH NEEDED COVID RELIEF BY FORCING SENATE 194 00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:33,049 CLERKS TO READ THE MORE THAN 600-PAGE BILL OUT LOUD. 195 00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:35,259 THAT TAKES GUTS. 196 00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:37,762 IT REMINDS ME OF THE CLASSIC FILM, MR. SMITH FORCES SENATE 197 00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:38,846 CLERKS TO GO TO WASHINGTON. 198 00:10:38,929 --> 00:10:44,393 IT'S AWFUL TO DENY PEOPLE RELIEF IN SUCH A PETTY WAY. 199 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:47,229 PERHAPS HE'S NOT THAT MUCH OF A DOUCHEBAG. 200 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:50,274 PERHAPS IT'S JUST RON JOHNSON'S WAY OF TELLING US HE CAN'T READ. 201 00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:55,237 NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF, SENATOR. 202 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,405 WE'RE SENDING LEVAR BURTON. 203 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,241 JOHNSON'S BIG ISSUE WITH THE STIMULUS BILL IS THE PRICE TAG, 204 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:02,411 WHICH HE EXPLAINED ON THE SENATE FLOOR IN THE DUMBEST WAY 205 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:05,081 POSSIBLE: >> THE THICKNESS OF A DOLLAR 206 00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:07,249 BILL IS 4.3 THOUSANDTHS OF AN INCH THICK. 207 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:15,091 IF YOU STACKED A MILLION DOLLAR BILLS ON TOP OF EACH OTHER, THEY 208 00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:18,135 WOULD BE-- THEY WOULD STACK UP TO BE 358 FEET HIGH. 209 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:23,307 WE'RE TALKING ABOUT $1.9 TRILLION, WHICH WOULD STACK UP 210 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:27,311 TO 135,732 MILES HIGH. 211 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:30,648 MADAM PRESIDENT, THE DISTANCE TO THE MOON IS 238,900 MILES. 212 00:11:30,731 --> 00:11:35,611 >> Stephen: OKAY, I DIDN'T GET A LOT FROM THAT, OTHER THAN I 213 00:11:35,694 --> 00:11:38,447 THINK THE STIMULUS WILL BE PAID OUT IN SINGLES. 214 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,784 SO DON'T FORGET TO WEAR A G-STRING AND SHAKE IT UP. 215 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:45,329 HOUSE DEMOCRATS HAVE BEEN ON A ROLL. 216 00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:47,581 BEFORE THEY BUGGED OUT OF TOWN, THEY WERE EXTREMELY BUSY WITH 217 00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:48,791 THE LAW-MAKIN' LAST NIGHT. 218 00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:55,297 FIRST, THEY PASSED A LANDMARK BILL ON VOTING RIGHTS, 219 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,508 ELECTIONS, CAMPAIGN FINANCE AND ETHICS REFORM, TITLED H.R. 1. 220 00:11:57,591 --> 00:12:01,011 H.R., OF COURSE, STANDS FOR "HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES," AND 221 00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:03,305 1 STANDS FOR THE NUMBER OF BLACK PEOPLE THE G.O.P. WILL LET VOTE 222 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,015 IF THIS BILL DOESN'T BECOME LAW. 223 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:09,728 THEY ALSO PASSED SOMETHING CALLED "THE GEORGE FLOYD JUSTICE 224 00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:12,481 IN POLICING ACT," WHICH WOULD BAN CHOKEHOLDS AND "QUALIFIED 225 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:15,443 IMMUNITY," AND ALSO CREATE A NATIONAL STANDARD FOR POLICING. 226 00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:16,819 GOOD. 227 00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:19,488 POLICING SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST THE SAME LEVEL OF STANDARDS AS 228 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,282 LUNCHMEAT. 229 00:12:21,365 --> 00:12:25,995 SURPRISINGLY, THIS DEMOCRATIC BILL EVEN GOT ONE REPUBLICAN 230 00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,204 VOTE. 231 00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:30,124 YES, TAKE THAT, PEOPLE WHO SAY THE G.O.P. DOESN'T CARE ABOUT 232 00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:31,375 BLACK PEOPLE! 233 00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,961 BECAUSE WHEN IT CAME TO VALUING HUMAN LIFE, AT LEAST ONE MAN HAD 234 00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:38,340 THE HEART TO-- I'M SORRY, WHAT'S THAT? 235 00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:39,800 THE SOLE G.O.P. VOTE SAID HE "ACCIDENTALLY PRESSED THE WRONG 236 00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:42,386 VOTING BUTTON." 237 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:43,387 WRONG BUTTON? 238 00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:44,722 AND HE'S A CONGRESSMAN? 239 00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:47,057 HE'S NOT EVEN FIT TO GO ON "THE BACHELOR." 240 00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:47,391 "I CHOOSE AMBER... NO, WAIT! 241 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:49,518 JESSICA... 242 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:50,186 OH, IS IT TOO LATE? 243 00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:51,353 DAMN. 244 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:58,360 CAN I HAVE THE ROSE BACK?" YOU GOT A PROBLEM, BRO 245 00:12:58,444 --> 00:12:58,944 BUT AT LEAST FOR ONE BRIEF, FLICKERING MOMENT, HE MADE US 246 00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:00,905 THINK HE HAD A CONSCIENCE. 247 00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:05,910 AND TONIGHT, WE HONOR THAT MISTAKE: 248 00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:10,080 TONIGHT ON "A LATE SHOW'S GREAT MOMENTS IN OOPS-A-BRAVERY," WE 249 00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:10,998 TAKE A LOOK BACK AMERICAN HEROES WHO WERE WRONGLY ON THE RIGHT 250 00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:15,503 SIDE OF HISTORY. 251 00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:18,881 JUNE 6, 1944: CLIFFORD T. HINKLEY MISTAKENLY 252 00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:23,427 BOARDS A D-DAY LANDING CRAFT, THINKING HE WAS EMBARKING ON A 253 00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:25,763 BOOZE CRUISE. 254 00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:30,559 JULY 4, 1776: JEBEDIAH PIERSON SIGNED THE 255 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,896 DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE, THINKING IT WAS A BIRTHDAY CARD. 256 00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:37,900 MARCH 7, 1965: PATRICK O'SHEA INADVERTENTLY 257 00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:39,443 JOINED THE MARCH ON SELMA, BELIEVING IT WAS A ST. PATRICKS 258 00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:43,489 DAY PARADE. 259 00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:47,076 AND, MARCH 3, 2021: TEXAS REPRESENTATIVE LANCE 260 00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:50,329 GOODEN ACCIDENTALLY VOTED FOR SENSIBLE POLICE REFORM. 261 00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:52,581 BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT HIS POLITICAL AFFILIATION, DEEP 262 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,459 DOWN, HE'S TOO DUMB TO KNOW HOW BUTTONS WORK. 263 00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:58,796 HIS COURAGEOUS STUPIDITY WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN. 264 00:13:58,879 --> 00:14:03,425 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, JANE FONDA IS HERE. 265 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:06,762 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!" 266 00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:11,559 JOIN US, WON'T YOU? 267 00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:14,436 >> "A LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT,. 268 00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:37,876 YOU KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME RENDERING THE MOST CUTTING-EDGE 269 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:41,964 TOPICAL GRAPHICS, AND STRINGING THE NEWSIEST CUT-SCENES INTO AN 270 00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:44,425 IMMERSIVE, NARRATIVE EXPERIENCE, TO CREATE FOR YOU THE 271 00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:48,470 STATE-OF-THE-ART, VIRTUAL REALITY ROLE-PLAYING VIDEO GAME 272 00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:49,638 EXPERIENCE THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 273 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,890 BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I BREAK INTO MY NEIGHBOR'S 274 00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:54,643 GARAGE, STEAL AN OLD CARDBOARD BOX AND DRAW ON IT WHILE HUFFING 275 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,353 THE MARKERS. 276 00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:59,106 THEN, I FASHION DICE OUT OF SOME TEETH I SWIPED FROM THE MORGUE, 277 00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:01,859 SCULPT SOME GAME PIECES OUT OF THE CALCIFIED CHEWING GUM I 278 00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:04,028 SCRAPE OFF THE BOTTOM OF A MOVIE THEATER SEAT, THEN INVITE YOU 279 00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:08,699 ALL TO THE MOB-OPERATED, UNDERGROUND PARCHEESI LEAGUE OF 280 00:15:08,782 --> 00:15:16,707 NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE!" 281 00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:20,711 QUARANTINE-WHILE, A BELOVED CHICAGO TRADITION IS ABOUT TO 282 00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:27,051 DIE: THE CITY WILL NO LONGER ALLOW THE HALLOWED CHICAGO 283 00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:31,013 INSTITUTION OF USING HOUSEHOLD OBJECTS TO CALL DIBS ON PARKING 284 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:34,725 SPOTS AFTER SNOW REMOVAL, BECAUSE STARTING THIS WEEK, DIBS 285 00:15:34,808 --> 00:15:36,685 OBJECTS WILL NOW BE REMOVED BY TRASH CREWS. 286 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:40,689 WHICH MEANS I ONLY HAVE A FEW MORE HOURS TO HOLD THE SWEET 287 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,901 SPOT I'VE BEEN SAVING AT THE CORNER OF WELLS AND EUGENIE 288 00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:48,697 SINCE 1991. 289 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:49,573 PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT! 290 00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:56,038 I'M HAVING A SOFA DELIVERED ANY DAY NOW! 291 00:15:56,121 --> 00:16:00,542 DIDN'T YOU LIVE IN WELLS AND EUGENEIE OR WAS IT-- WILLOW, 292 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:06,674 WERE YOU GENE EUGINIE AND MINOMINI AND WILLOW, SHE LIVED 293 00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:08,384 ON MY CORNER, I THINK. 294 00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:12,930 YOU DONE MINE IF I JUST TOSS-- -- TOSS IN MY WIFE AT THE 295 00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:17,059 END OF THE SHOW, JUST SAY T WE WON'T BE OFFENDED, IT WILL BE 296 00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:20,688 FINE. 297 00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:22,564 NO HARD FEELINGS. 298 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:23,524 QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN CALIFORNIA, "A PLASTIC SURGEON ATTENDED 299 00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:27,236 VIDEO TRAFFIC COURT FROM THE OPERATING ROOM." 300 00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:30,197 HERE'S A LOOK: >> UNLESS I AM MISTAKEN, I'M 301 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,783 SEEING A DEFENDANT THAT'S IN THE MIDDLE OF AN OPERATING ROOM, 302 00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:36,704 APPEARING TO BE ACTIVELY ENGAGED IN PROVIDING SERVICES TO A 303 00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:39,415 PATIENT. 304 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:40,541 IS THAT CORRECT, MR. GREEN? 305 00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:41,750 >> YES, SIR. 306 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:45,587 >> I DO NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE, FOR THE WELFARE OF THE PATIENT 307 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,172 IF YOU'RE IN THE PROCESS OF OPERATING THAT I WOULD PUT ON A 308 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:48,465 TRIAL. 309 00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:51,051 >> I HAVE ANOTHER SURGEON RIGHT HERE WHO'S DOING THE SURGERY 310 00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:52,720 WITH ME SO I CAN STAND HERE AND ALLOW THEM TO DO THE SURGERY 311 00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:55,097 ALSO. 312 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:56,306 >> NOT AT ALL. 313 00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:57,266 I DON'T THINK SO. 314 00:16:57,349 --> 00:17:00,728 >> Stephen: CLEARLY DID NOT IMPRESS THE JUDGE. 315 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,980 AND THAT DOESN'T BODE WELL FOR YOUR CASE IN TRAFFIC COURT. 316 00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:04,732 "YOUR HONOR, I WAS NOT DRIVING RECKLESSLY. 317 00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:07,067 I ONLY BEHAVE THAT WAY WHILE PERFORMING SURGERY. 318 00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:11,113 NOW, CAN YOU RULE ON THIS SPEEDING TICKET QUICKLY? 319 00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:12,781 THIS GUY'S FLAT-LINING AND I HAVE TO ZOOM IN TO MY 320 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:19,121 MALPRACTICE TRIAL." 321 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:22,958 GET ME ANOTHER QUARANTINE-WHILE, A NEW APP 322 00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:24,793 CALLED "DEEP NOSTALGIA" BRINGS NEW LIFE TO DEAD ANCESTORS BY 323 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:28,505 REANIMATING OLD PHOTOS. 324 00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:28,756 LET'S TAKE A LOOK. 325 00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:34,178 WOW! 326 00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:36,805 THAT IS SO UPSETTING, THERE HAS TO BE A GERMAN WORD FOR HOW 327 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,932 I FEEL RIGHT NOW. 328 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:42,019 THIS IS PERFECT FOR ANYONE WHO EVER SAID "I WONDER WHAT GRANDMA 329 00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:48,776 WOULD LOOK LIKE IF AN ALIEN HID INSIDE HER TEENAGE SKIN." 330 00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:52,780 QUARANTINE-WHILE, U.K. RAPPER SLOWTHAI HAS VOWED TO STOP 331 00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:55,616 SPITTING IN PEOPLE'S MOUTHS AT GIGS THANKS TO THE CORONAVIRUS 332 00:17:55,699 --> 00:17:56,784 PANDEMIC. 333 00:17:56,867 --> 00:18:00,788 THAT'S A BOLD STANCE TO TAKE A YEAR INTO THE PANDEMIC. 334 00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:04,792 NOW WE KNOW WHY HE'S NOT CALLED FAST-THAI. 335 00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:07,002 DEVIL'S ADVOCATE: WHAT IS THE POINT OF SEEING YOUR FAVORITE 336 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,837 ARTISTS IN CONCERT IF THEY CAN'T SPIT IN YOUR MOUTH? 337 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:12,341 LAST TIME I CHECKED, THIS IS AMERICA. 338 00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:15,385 IF I FORK OVER 80 BUCKS TO SEE BOB DYLAN LIVE, IT'S BECAUSE 339 00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:18,138 I EXPECT A HARD RAIN'S GONNA FA-ALLL. 340 00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:22,976 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JANE FONDA. 341 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:43,247 WELCOME BACK. 342 00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:47,209 SHE IS A TWO-TIME ACADEMY AWARD WINNER, AN ACTIVIST, AND A 343 00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:48,418 FITNESS ICON. 344 00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:51,213 ON SUNDAY NIGHT, SHE RECEIVED THE CECIL B. DEMILLE AWARD AT 345 00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:52,256 THE GOLDEN GLOBES. 346 00:18:52,339 --> 00:18:57,177 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW," JANE FONDA! 347 00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:59,221 JANE, THANKS FOR BEING HERE. 348 00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:02,015 >> THANKS FOR HAVING ME, STEPHEN, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU 349 00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:06,937 AGAIN, I TOLD LILY TOMLIN TODAY THAT I WAS GOING TO BE ON YOUR 350 00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:08,564 SHOW, SHE'S VERY JEALOUS. 351 00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:13,861 THE LAST TWO TIMES I THINK I WAS ALWAYS ON YOUR SHOW WITH LILY. 352 00:19:13,944 --> 00:19:15,028 >> Jon: >> Stephen: I LOVE HAVING YOU 353 00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:19,283 BOTH ON, THANK YOU FOR BEING MERE AND THANK YOU FOR WEARING 354 00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:20,576 YOUR REVOLUTIONARY BERET. 355 00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:21,827 >> THAT'S RIGHT. 356 00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:23,036 >> Stephen: LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE READY TO TAKE TO THE HILLS WITH 357 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,038 COULD MANNER MARS COULD. 358 00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:30,919 NOW CONGRATULATIONS ON THE CECIL B DE MILL AWARD IT WAS LOVELY TO 359 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,087 SEE YOU GET. 360 00:19:32,170 --> 00:19:34,631 IT I WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR SPEECH IN JUST A MOMENT BUT I 361 00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:39,094 GOT TO ASK, WITH SOMEONE WITH SUCH A LONG AND STORIED CAREER 362 00:19:39,177 --> 00:19:42,806 AS YOURS DO AWARDS MEAN ANYTHING TO JANE FONDA. 363 00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,224 >> OH MY GOSH, YES. 364 00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:48,270 ESPECIALLY, IT'S KIND OF MIRACULOUS FOR ME TO GET AWARDS. 365 00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:52,065 YOU KNOW, I RETIRED FROM THE INDUSTRY FOR 15 YEARS. 366 00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:55,777 TEN OF THOSE YEARS I WAS MARRIED TO TED TURNER AND YOU KNOW, YOU 367 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,947 CAN'T WORK AND BE MARRIED TO TED TURNER. 368 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,240 >> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO RAISE THE BUFFALO, THE 369 00:20:00,324 --> 00:20:02,451 BUFFALO HERD TO LOOK AFTER. 370 00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:03,285 >> THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT. 371 00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:07,122 AND THEN FIVE YEARS WRITING MY MEMOIRS. 372 00:20:07,205 --> 00:20:11,919 AND I CAME BACK AT 65 WITH MONSTER IN LAW, YOU KNOW. 373 00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:16,465 SO AND I'M ALMOST 84 NOW, SO THE FACT THAT I'M STILL WORKING AND 374 00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:20,135 THAT I HAVE JUST WON THIS IS JUST TO ME MIRACULOUS. 375 00:20:20,218 --> 00:20:22,512 >> Stephen: WELL, THE SPEECH WAS JUST BEAUTIFUL. 376 00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:27,976 YOU TALKED ABOUT, FOR THOSE WHO HADN'T SEEN IT JANE SPOKE SO 377 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,729 ELOQUENTLY ABOUT LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING AND OUR COMMON 378 00:20:30,812 --> 00:20:32,272 HUMANITY AND THE ROLE OF THE ARTS FOR REVEALING THAT. 379 00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:36,526 AND ONE OF THE THINGS I ADMIRE ABOUT YOU IS THAT YOU DON'T JUST 380 00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:38,946 TALK THE TALK, YOU HAVE WALKED THE WALK. 381 00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:47,329 YOU HAVE BEEN WORKING FOR SOCIAL JUSTICE FOR YOUR ENTIRE CAREER. 382 00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:51,208 WHAT DID THIS MOMENT IN TIME RIGHT NOW MEAN TO YOU AS SOMEONE 383 00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:54,628 WHO HAS WORKED SO HARD TO CHANGE THE WORLD. 384 00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:57,547 BECAUSE SO MANY THINGS ARE CHANGING RIGHT NOW. 385 00:20:57,631 --> 00:20:59,341 >> I'M EXTREMELY HOPEFUL. 386 00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:03,887 THE LAST FOUR YEAR VTION BEEN PAINFUL FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE. 387 00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:06,181 AND VERY, VERY DISTURBING. 388 00:21:06,264 --> 00:21:11,395 BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE ALSO FOR THE FIRST TIME REALIZED THE EXTENT 389 00:21:11,478 --> 00:21:16,400 TO WHICH WHITE SUPREMACY STILL IS ALIVE IN THIS COUNTRY, THE 390 00:21:16,483 --> 00:21:20,487 EXTENT TO WHICH POLICE VIOLENCE IS HARMING BLACK PEOPLE. 391 00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:23,365 AND YOU KNOW, THERE'S TENS OF MILLIONS OF AMERICANS NOW WHO 392 00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:27,411 ARE AWARE OF THE URGENCY OF THE CLIMATE CRISIS AND ALL OF THESE 393 00:21:27,494 --> 00:21:28,370 THINGS ARE CONNECTED. 394 00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:31,039 AND PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT. 395 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:36,420 AND SO I FEEL, I FEEL THAT WE'RE AT A PIVOTAL POINT IN HUMAN 396 00:21:36,503 --> 00:21:39,715 HISTORY, WHEN PEOPLE ARE REALLY READY TO MAKE OUR ELECTED 397 00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:44,177 OFFICIALS DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE AND ADDRESS ALL OF THESE 398 00:21:44,261 --> 00:21:45,512 INTERSECTIONAL CRISES. 399 00:21:45,595 --> 00:21:46,680 AND I THINK WE CAN DO IT. 400 00:21:46,763 --> 00:21:49,683 >> WELL, ONE OF THE WAYS YOU HAVE BEEN WALKING THE WALK, WE 401 00:21:49,766 --> 00:21:53,353 TALKED ABOUT THE LAST TIME WE WERE ON THE SHOW, IN 2019 YOU 402 00:21:53,437 --> 00:21:55,897 STARTED SOMETHING CALLED FIRE DRILL FRIDAYS. 403 00:21:55,981 --> 00:22:00,902 AND IT'S A MOVEMENT TO CONFRONT CLIMATED CHANGE AND OBVIOUSLY 404 00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:07,075 WE'RE ALL IN COVID LOCKDOWN IN VARIOUS STATES OF STRIN 405 00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,453 AGAINSTEE AND YOU KNOW, MUTUAL COOPERATION. 406 00:22:09,536 --> 00:22:11,413 FIRST OF ALL HOW IS COVID BEEN FOR YOU? 407 00:22:11,496 --> 00:22:17,753 LIKE HOW HAS THE ZOOM PROTESTING OR ZOOM INTERVIEWS, LIKE HOW 408 00:22:17,836 --> 00:22:20,505 HAVE YOU ADAPTED TO THE ZOOM WORLD? 409 00:22:20,589 --> 00:22:25,135 >> WE DO FIRE DRILL FRIDAYS IN FACT THIS IS OUR YEAR 410 00:22:25,218 --> 00:22:26,094 ANNIVERSARY. 411 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:27,429 WE'VE BEEN DOING THEM EVERY FRIDAY FOR A YEAR. 412 00:22:27,512 --> 00:22:31,433 DO YOU KNOW STEPHEN-- STEVEN WE HAD OVER 9 MILLION VIEWERS 413 00:22:31,516 --> 00:22:32,684 ACROSS ALL PLATFORMS. 414 00:22:32,768 --> 00:22:35,437 WE WERE WORRIED THAT WITH COVID PEOPLE WOULD STOP THINKING ABOUT 415 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,147 THE CLIMATE. 416 00:22:37,230 --> 00:22:38,148 THEY DIDN'T. 417 00:22:38,231 --> 00:22:41,443 AND THOUSANDS OF THEM TOOK ACTION APPROACHING THE 418 00:22:41,526 --> 00:22:45,280 ELECTIONS, WRITING IN, CALLING ELECTED OFFICIALS, CALLING 419 00:22:45,363 --> 00:22:48,075 VOTERS WHO SAT OUT THE LAST ELECTIONS. 420 00:22:48,158 --> 00:22:52,662 AND MOST OF THEM HAD NEVER DONE IT BEFORE SO YOU KNOW, I'M 421 00:22:52,746 --> 00:22:56,666 PRETTY JAZZED ABOUT WHAT WE HAVE BEEN ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH AND 422 00:22:56,750 --> 00:22:57,793 CONTINUE. 423 00:22:57,876 --> 00:23:00,504 TOMORROW WE FOCUS ON THIS INCREDIBLE BILL IN WASHINGTON 424 00:23:00,587 --> 00:23:04,591 RIGHT NOW, HR1 THAT WOULD GET DARK MONEY OUT OF POLITICS AND 425 00:23:04,674 --> 00:23:11,139 YOU KNOW, EXPAND OUR VOTING RIGHTS AND THINGS LIKE THAT. 426 00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:15,268 JOHN, CONGRESSMAN JOHN SAR BAINS FROM MARYLAND WHO INTRODUCED HR1 427 00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:17,646 IS GOING TO BE ONE OF OUR GUESTS. 428 00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:20,690 AND I DON'T KNOW, I HOPE EVERYBODY CAN JOIN. 429 00:23:20,774 --> 00:23:23,151 IT STARTS 11:00 WEST COAST TIME. 430 00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:26,279 >> Stephen: HOW DO THEY JOIN IN, WHERE DO THEY GO TO FIND 431 00:23:26,363 --> 00:23:27,447 OUT. 432 00:23:27,531 --> 00:23:30,617 >> WELL, IT'S ON FACEBOOK, TWITTER, INSTAGRAM BUT IT'S ALSO 433 00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:33,411 FIRE DRILL FRIDAY, THE WEBSITE FIRE DRILL FRIDAY.COM. 434 00:23:33,495 --> 00:23:35,831 THEY CAN WATCH IT THAT WAY. 435 00:23:35,914 --> 00:23:39,501 >> Stephen: NOW ANOTHER THING GOING ON IS RELATED TO ONE OF 436 00:23:39,584 --> 00:23:43,463 YOUR EARLIEST CAUSES WHICH IS PROTEST THE VIETNAM WAR. 437 00:23:43,547 --> 00:23:49,010 YOU WERE AN ANTIWAR ROAD SHOW THAT WAS CAPTURED IN A 1972 438 00:23:49,094 --> 00:23:53,682 DOCUMENTARY CALLED FTA AND IT'S BEING RE-RELEASED TOMORROW, IF 439 00:23:53,765 --> 00:23:58,895 IT WAS CAPTURED IN 1972, FIRST OF ALL, WHAT IS IT AND WHY IS IT 440 00:23:58,979 --> 00:24:00,105 BEING RELEASED NO YOU? 441 00:24:00,188 --> 00:24:02,482 >> WELL, I DON'T THINK MOST PEOPLE REALIZE THAT PARTICULARLY 442 00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:07,571 STARTING IN 1-9D 68 THERE WAS A VERY ROBUST GI MOVEMENT. 443 00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:11,533 A LOT OF SERVICEMEN, MOSTLY MEN, SOME WOMEN WERE OPPOSED TO THE 444 00:24:11,616 --> 00:24:13,702 WAR OR QUESTIONING THE WAR. 445 00:24:13,785 --> 00:24:17,497 AND THEY WERE STARTING TO ARGUE. 446 00:24:17,581 --> 00:24:22,377 AND DR. HOWARD LEVY, HE WAS AN ARMY MEDIC SUGGESTED TO ME AND I 447 00:24:22,460 --> 00:24:28,216 HAD JUST FINISHED MAKING CLOOT, DONALD SUTORLAND AND I WERE 448 00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:30,552 TOGETHER AND HE SUGGESTED THAT WE PUT TOGETHER A SHOW TO KIND 449 00:24:30,635 --> 00:24:35,557 OF COUNTER THE BOB HOPE SHOW THAT WAS VERY PROWAR AND 450 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:36,391 MISOGYNISTIC. 451 00:24:36,474 --> 00:24:37,642 AND HE SAID CALL IT [BLEEP] THE ARMY. 452 00:24:37,726 --> 00:24:44,399 AND BECAUSE THAT'S, THERE WAS A GI ANTIWAR NEWSPAPER CALLED THE 453 00:24:44,482 --> 00:24:45,567 FTA. 454 00:24:45,650 --> 00:24:49,362 SO WE TOOK THAT NAME, WE GOT A GROUP OF PERFORMERS TOGETHER. 455 00:24:49,446 --> 00:24:55,243 AND WE TRAVELED IN THE FALL AND WINTER OF 1971. 456 00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:57,704 HAWAII, THE PHILIPPINES, OKINAWA AND JAPAN AFTER WE TOURED THE 457 00:24:57,787 --> 00:24:58,663 UNITED STATES. 458 00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:05,420 AND PERFORMED FOR OVER 60,000 SERVICE MEMBER. 459 00:25:05,503 --> 00:25:08,256 AND YOU KNOW, WE'VE BEEN FED THIS MYTH THAT THERE WAS THE 460 00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:11,259 ANTIWAR MOVEMENT AND THEN THERE WERE THE GI'S AND THEY HATED 461 00:25:11,343 --> 00:25:11,885 EACH OTHER. 462 00:25:11,968 --> 00:25:15,639 WHICH WAS TOTALLY NOT TRUE. 463 00:25:15,722 --> 00:25:19,476 JUST LOOKING OUT AT SEAS, THE SEA OF FACES OF THESE SOLDIERS 464 00:25:19,559 --> 00:25:23,730 LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING AND REALLY, YOU KNOW, ENJOYING THE 465 00:25:23,813 --> 00:25:26,524 FACT THAT WE ARE WERE THERE. 466 00:25:26,608 --> 00:25:27,776 IT WAS THRILLING. 467 00:25:27,859 --> 00:25:31,571 OKAY SO IT OPENED, PLAYED A WEEK AT A MOVIE THEATER IN NEW YORK, 468 00:25:31,655 --> 00:25:32,447 AND DISAPPEARED. 469 00:25:32,530 --> 00:25:35,617 THIS WAS DURING THE NIXON ADMINISTRATION. 470 00:25:35,700 --> 00:25:36,493 GONE. 471 00:25:36,576 --> 00:25:38,954 WELL, A COPY WAS FOUND AND IT WAS-- . 472 00:25:39,037 --> 00:25:42,499 >> Stephen: WAIT A SECOND, NOT JUST PULLED FROM THE THEATER, 473 00:25:42,582 --> 00:25:43,625 LITERALLY THE PRINT DISAPPEARED. 474 00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:45,293 >> JUST DISAPPEARED. 475 00:25:45,377 --> 00:25:48,505 AND A COPY WAS FOUND AND THE WONDERFUL ORGANIZATION CALLED 476 00:25:48,588 --> 00:25:50,757 INDIE COLLECT RESTORED IT. 477 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:57,806 AND IT'S BEING RELEASED TOMORROW IN KENO MARQUEE VIRTUAL SIN HE 478 00:25:57,889 --> 00:25:59,140 MAS ONLINE. 479 00:25:59,224 --> 00:26:02,352 >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE, DO YOU-- WHAT ARE WE GOING 480 00:26:02,435 --> 00:26:06,106 TO SEE? 481 00:26:06,189 --> 00:26:09,943 >> WELL, MICHAEL WAS ONE OF OUR ACTORS AND HE AND I DID A SKIT 482 00:26:10,026 --> 00:26:11,861 THAT HE PLAYED NIXON AND I PLAYED PAT. 483 00:26:11,945 --> 00:26:16,700 AND WE WERE IT SORT OF SPEAKS FOR ITSELF. 484 00:26:16,783 --> 00:26:21,204 I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE WE WERE IN THAT PARTICULAR CLIP. 485 00:26:21,288 --> 00:26:22,122 PROBABLY OKINAWA. 486 00:26:22,205 --> 00:26:24,332 >> Stephen: IT SAYS OKINAWA HERE, I THINK. 487 00:26:24,416 --> 00:26:27,168 ARE YOU PERFORMING FOR SOLDIERS HERE? 488 00:26:27,252 --> 00:26:30,547 >> OH YEAH, UH-HUH, ALWAYS FOR SOLDIERS. 489 00:26:30,630 --> 00:26:34,009 >> MR. PRESIDENT, THERE IS A TERRIBLE DEMONSTRATION GOING ON 490 00:26:34,092 --> 00:26:35,135 OUTSIDE. 491 00:26:35,218 --> 00:26:36,636 >> OH, THERE'S ALWAYS A DEMONSTRATION GOING ON OUTSIDE, 492 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:37,721 PAT. 493 00:26:37,804 --> 00:26:39,389 >> BUT RICHARD, THIS ONE IS COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL. 494 00:26:39,472 --> 00:26:41,850 >> WHAT ARE THEY ASKING FOR THIS TIME. 495 00:26:41,933 --> 00:26:44,686 >> FRE ANGELA DAVIS AND ALL POLITICAL PRISONERS OUT OF 496 00:26:44,769 --> 00:26:47,814 VIETNAM NOW AND DRAFT ALL GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS. 497 00:26:47,897 --> 00:26:51,192 >> WE ASK PEOPLE TO DO THAT, THEY WILL DO THEIR JOB, I WILL 498 00:26:51,276 --> 00:26:52,360 DO THEIR JOB. 499 00:26:52,444 --> 00:26:53,820 >> YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THEY ARE STORMING THE WHITE HOUSE. 500 00:26:53,903 --> 00:26:55,655 >> THEN I BETTER CALL OUT THE THIRD MARINES. 501 00:26:55,739 --> 00:26:57,490 >> YOU CAN'T, RICHARD. 502 00:26:57,574 --> 00:26:58,116 >> WHY NOT. 503 00:26:58,199 --> 00:27:01,286 >> IT IS THE THIRD MARINES. 504 00:27:01,369 --> 00:27:05,373 >> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND THE BEFORE YOU WENT OVER THE GREAT 505 00:27:05,457 --> 00:27:09,377 TRAIN RIDER DALTON TROM BEAU GAVE YOU SOME ADVICE, HE HAD 506 00:27:09,461 --> 00:27:10,712 PROTESTED IN THE '20S AND 30S. 507 00:27:10,795 --> 00:27:14,507 WHAT ADVICE DID HE GIVE YOU ABOUT BEFORE YOU WENT TO EAST 508 00:27:14,591 --> 00:27:18,345 ASIA TO DO THESE SHOWS? 509 00:27:18,428 --> 00:27:20,638 >> IN HE WAS, HE SAID DON'T FORGET TO BE HAPPY. 510 00:27:20,722 --> 00:27:22,932 >> Stephen: WHAT DID HE MEAN BY THAT? 511 00:27:23,016 --> 00:27:26,061 >> JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE DEALING WITH A VERY SERIOUS SUBJECT AND 512 00:27:26,144 --> 00:27:31,274 YOU'RE TRYING TO END THE WAR DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU CAN'T FEEL 513 00:27:31,358 --> 00:27:31,858 JOY. 514 00:27:31,941 --> 00:27:33,193 ACTIVISM IS JOY-FILLED. 515 00:27:33,276 --> 00:27:34,402 IT IS FUN. 516 00:27:34,486 --> 00:27:37,405 YOU FEEL GOOD KNOWING THAT ARE YOU DOING EVERYTHING YOU CAN. 517 00:27:37,489 --> 00:27:41,284 YOU PUT YOUR WHOLE BODY ON THE LINE. 518 00:27:41,368 --> 00:27:44,871 AND YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT YOU KNOW BEING AN ACTIVIST 519 00:27:44,954 --> 00:27:47,749 MEANS LIKE EAT YOUR BROCCOLI. 520 00:27:47,832 --> 00:27:49,709 BUT IT'S ACTUALLY FUN. 521 00:27:49,793 --> 00:27:54,422 AND DAL TORN WAS REMINDING US TO BE HAPPY BECAUSE IT'S 522 00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:55,757 CONTAGIOUS. 523 00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:59,803 AND ALSO LAUGHTER, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF TIMES YOUR GUARD IS 524 00:27:59,886 --> 00:28:04,641 DROPPED WHEN ARE YOU LAUGHING AND NEW IDEAS COME IN, AT LEAST 525 00:28:04,724 --> 00:28:06,267 THAT IS WHAT I FOUND. 526 00:28:06,351 --> 00:28:10,939 WHEN I'M WRITING AND I HAVE A WRITER'S CRAMP, IF I CAN FIND A 527 00:28:11,022 --> 00:28:14,275 WAY TO LAUGH, IDEAS COME IN BECAUSE MY GUARD IS DOWN, DO YOU 528 00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:14,901 FLOW WHAT I MEAN? 529 00:28:14,984 --> 00:28:17,278 WELL, I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU. 530 00:28:17,362 --> 00:28:18,321 YOU KNOW THAT BETTER THAN I DO. 531 00:28:18,405 --> 00:28:20,740 >> Stephen: I DO KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, ON GOOD DAYS. 532 00:28:20,824 --> 00:28:23,785 WELL, JANE, THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 533 00:28:23,868 --> 00:28:26,746 >> GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, STEPHEN 534 00:28:26,830 --> 00:28:29,624 >> Stephen: YOU CAN JOIN "FIRE DRILL FRIDAYS" ONLINE, AND YOU 535 00:28:29,707 --> 00:28:31,793 CAN SEE HER IN THE DOCUMENTARY "F.T.A." STARTING THIS FRIDAY. 536 00:28:31,876 --> 00:28:33,670 JANE FONDA, EVERYBODY! 537 00:28:33,753 --> 00:28:35,797 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MY ESTEEMED COLLEAGUES, THE ANCHORS 538 00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,424 OF "VIRTUE SIGNAL." 539 00:28:37,507 --> 00:28:38,716 STICK AROUND. 540 00:28:55,066 --> 00:28:56,192 WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY >> Stephen: JOINING ME NOW ARE 541 00:28:56,276 --> 00:28:57,819 THE ANCHORS OF "VIRTUE SIGNAL," WHO, I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU, 542 00:28:57,902 --> 00:29:01,489 HAVE FOR YEARS TACKLED THE BIGGEST STORIES OF THE DAY FOUR 543 00:29:01,573 --> 00:29:03,116 NIGHTS A WEEK AS PART OF "TOONING OUT THE NEWS" ON 544 00:29:03,199 --> 00:29:06,995 PARAMOUNT+. 545 00:29:07,078 --> 00:29:10,957 WE ALL KNOW HOW THIS SYSTEM WORKS, REPUBLICANS GOV NERN AND 546 00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:14,335 LIBERALS BEG THEM TO DO THE RIGHT THING SO LET'S DO THIS. 547 00:29:14,419 --> 00:29:15,503 >> PLEASE, PLEASE. 548 00:29:15,587 --> 00:29:17,881 >> I JUST WANT TO SAY, I KNOW GEORGE W. BUSH NICKNAMED YOU 549 00:29:17,964 --> 00:29:20,758 STRETCH AND HE SHOULD BE PUT ON TRIAL AT THE INTERNATIONAL 550 00:29:20,842 --> 00:29:23,011 CRIMINAL COURT FOR BODY SHAMING. 551 00:29:23,094 --> 00:29:25,680 >> THIS IS HOW JOE BIDEN GOT ELECTED. 552 00:29:25,763 --> 00:29:29,017 HE GOT A FEW PEOPLE WHO VOTED FOR DONALD TRUMP LAST TIME TO 553 00:29:29,100 --> 00:29:29,726 VOTE FOR HIM. 554 00:29:29,809 --> 00:29:31,352 >> SORRY BUT I HAVE TO DISAGREE. 555 00:29:31,436 --> 00:29:33,480 THE TWO DOZEN POSTCARDS I SENT TO PENNSYLVANIA ARE WHAT GOT JOE 556 00:29:33,563 --> 00:29:35,398 BIDEN ELECTED. 557 00:29:35,482 --> 00:29:37,233 >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW," MY PARAMOUNT+ 558 00:29:37,317 --> 00:29:41,488 COLLEAGUES: KYLIE WEAVER, LILA MORENO, PETER WOMACK, AND BRIAN 559 00:29:41,571 --> 00:29:42,197 MIN! 560 00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:43,531 STHNGS SO MUCH FOR BECOME HERE. 561 00:29:43,615 --> 00:29:44,991 I'M REALLY EXCITED TO GET A SITDOWN WITH YOU. 562 00:29:45,074 --> 00:29:48,661 I WATCH YOU, I HAVE WATCHED YOU FOR YEARS. 563 00:29:48,745 --> 00:29:51,206 I THINK YOU ARE THE GOLD STANDARD. 564 00:29:51,289 --> 00:29:54,834 YOU ARE MOST NEWS ON TV RIGHT NOW AND I'M JUST WONDERING FOR 565 00:29:54,918 --> 00:29:59,506 THE PEOPLE OUT THERE IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND INTRODUCING 566 00:29:59,589 --> 00:30:00,215 YOURSELF. 567 00:30:00,298 --> 00:30:01,716 >> OKAY, HE IS OBSESSED WITH ME. 568 00:30:01,799 --> 00:30:07,722 I'M THE HOST AND AUTHOR OF 33 APOLOGIES THINK PIECES TITLED MY 569 00:30:07,805 --> 00:30:10,892 TIME TO LISTEN KYLIE WE EVER. 570 00:30:10,975 --> 00:30:15,230 >> I'M DRUNK GIRL DRENGING SEA WATER SAYING IT'S FINE LILA 571 00:30:15,313 --> 00:30:16,397 MOREENA. 572 00:30:16,481 --> 00:30:18,858 >> I'M ATLANTIC CONTRIBUTOR WHO WENT VIRAL FOR STANDING ON A 573 00:30:18,942 --> 00:30:22,570 COFFEE SHOP TABLE AND APOLOGIZING FOR CLOGGING THE 574 00:30:22,654 --> 00:30:27,283 TOILET BRIAN MINUTE AND I'M "VANITY FAIR" EDITOR AND INVENT 575 00:30:27,367 --> 00:30:29,202 EVER THE CAVEMAN DIET PETER WITHOUT MACK. 576 00:30:29,285 --> 00:30:32,497 >> Stephen: IT'S AN HONOR TO HAVE YOU HERE, LET'S TALK ABOUT 577 00:30:32,580 --> 00:30:36,584 THE SHOW, VIRTUAL SIGNAL WHAT INSPIRED ITnd WHAT IS YOUR 578 00:30:36,668 --> 00:30:37,585 MISSION. 579 00:30:37,669 --> 00:30:39,963 >> YOU HILT THE NAIL ON IT HEAD IT IS THE HONOR. 580 00:30:40,046 --> 00:30:43,758 AS FOR INSPIRATION I NOTICED A LOT OF NEWS ANCHORS OUT THERE 581 00:30:43,841 --> 00:30:46,219 SPEAKING AGAINST INJUSTICE PURELY TO SIGNAL TO THEIR 582 00:30:46,302 --> 00:30:50,139 AUDIENCE THAT THEY ARE VIRTUOUS PEOPLE BUT NO ONE HAD THE FORE 583 00:30:50,223 --> 00:30:53,101 SITE TO MAKE IT THE TITLE OF THEIR SHOW AND THAT IS WHAT I 584 00:30:53,184 --> 00:30:53,935 DID. 585 00:30:54,018 --> 00:30:58,398 AND AS FOR OUR MISSION IT'S SIMPLE. 586 00:30:58,481 --> 00:31:01,442 SHOW AMERICA THAT IF WE PUT ASIDE OUR DIFFERENCES AND 587 00:31:01,526 --> 00:31:06,447 RECOGNIZE OUR SHARED HUMANITY, WE CAN MAKE ME THE HIGHEST 588 00:31:06,531 --> 00:31:08,449 EARNING PERSONALITY ON TELEVISION. 589 00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:10,618 >> AND THISSIER'S OPENING BROADCAST I'M CURIOUS ABOUT THIS 590 00:31:10,702 --> 00:31:14,622 AS A FELLOW BROADCASTER YOU CHOSE TO SPEAK ABOUT THE MINIMUM 591 00:31:14,706 --> 00:31:15,456 WAGE. 592 00:31:15,540 --> 00:31:16,833 WHY DID YOU MAKE THAT YOUR LEAD STORY. 593 00:31:16,916 --> 00:31:22,297 >> THAT'S RIGHT, STEPHEN, LISTEN, THIS STORY IS PERSONAL. 594 00:31:22,380 --> 00:31:25,592 BECAUSE I LIVE IN A 15,000 DOLLAR PER MONTH WEST VILLAGE 595 00:31:25,675 --> 00:31:29,846 APARTMENT WITH ROOFTOP BIDET ENCLOSED IN A BIRD SANCTUARY I 596 00:31:29,929 --> 00:31:34,517 ONLY HAVE 7.25 AN HOUR IN DISPOSABLE INCOME. 597 00:31:34,601 --> 00:31:37,312 >> IT IS PERSONAL TO ME BECAUSE THE NETWORK PAYS ME MINIMUM 598 00:31:37,395 --> 00:31:37,979 WAGE. 599 00:31:38,062 --> 00:31:39,188 >> BRIAN, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS. 600 00:31:39,272 --> 00:31:42,817 IT IS MUCH MORE WHEN YOU FACTOR IN YOUR CHRISTMAS BONUS OF A 601 00:31:42,900 --> 00:31:44,444 FROZEN SOLID TUCAN. 602 00:31:44,527 --> 00:31:46,988 >> Stephen: NOW YOU HAVE AND I HOPE THIS ISN'T OPENING ANY 603 00:31:47,071 --> 00:31:50,825 WOUNDS HERE, BEEN ACCUSED OF TALKING MORE ABOUT YOURSELVES 604 00:31:50,908 --> 00:31:52,702 THAN TALKING ABOUT THE ACTUAL NEWS. 605 00:31:52,785 --> 00:31:53,828 HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO THAT? 606 00:31:53,911 --> 00:31:57,832 DO YOU THINK THAT IS THE ROLE OF A JOURNALIST? 607 00:31:57,915 --> 00:32:01,669 >> YOU KNOW STEPHEN, I USUALLY DO NOT PAY ANY MIND TO MY HATERS 608 00:32:01,753 --> 00:32:02,962 BUT HERE IS WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT JOURNALISTS. 609 00:32:03,046 --> 00:32:08,009 ANYONE WITH A SMARTPHONE CAN REPORT ON ATROCITIES AT OUR 610 00:32:08,092 --> 00:32:10,845 SOUTHERN BORDER OR FOLLOW TRUTH THROUGH THE BLOOD SOAKED HILLS 611 00:32:10,928 --> 00:32:15,850 OF WHEREVER BUT HOW MANY PEOPLE CAN RIDE A CAR TO MIDTOWN, CLIMB 612 00:32:15,933 --> 00:32:21,981 30 STORIES IN AN ELEVATOR, TRUST THE SAME PERSON TO DO THEIR HAIR 613 00:32:22,065 --> 00:32:23,941 AND MAKEUP EVERY DAY AND SHOW THE AUDIENCE NO MATTER THE COST 614 00:32:24,025 --> 00:32:28,196 THEY WILL CONTORT THEIR FACE TO SHOW HOW MUCH THEY CARE. 615 00:32:28,279 --> 00:32:31,741 >> AND STEPHEN I'M SURE YOU WOULD AGREE IF THAT FACIAL 616 00:32:31,824 --> 00:32:34,535 EXPRESSION GETS MORE COVERAGE THAN THE STORY ITSELF THAN THAT 617 00:32:34,619 --> 00:32:38,831 IS A BORING STORY. 618 00:32:38,915 --> 00:32:42,210 >> Stephen: OKAY BUT AS THE NUMBER ONE NAME IN NEWS RIGHT 619 00:32:42,293 --> 00:32:44,045 NOW ON PARAMOUNT PLUS YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND IT IS THE 620 00:32:44,128 --> 00:32:46,714 RESPONSIBILITY THAT COMES WITH YOUR PLATFORM. 621 00:32:46,798 --> 00:32:48,049 HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHERE TO SHINE YOUR EDITORIAL LIGHT? 622 00:32:48,132 --> 00:32:53,096 THERE ARE SO MANY UNDERREPORTED STORIES OUT THERE. 623 00:32:53,179 --> 00:32:56,557 >> GOSH, STEPHEN, THERE ARE TONS OF IMPORTANT UNDERREPORTED 624 00:32:56,641 --> 00:33:00,395 STORIES OUT THERE THAT WE AVOID BECAUSE THEY ARE LOW KEY RATED. 625 00:33:00,478 --> 00:33:03,940 >> ARE THERE 130 COUNTRIES THAT STILL DON'T HAVE THE VACCINE, 626 00:33:04,023 --> 00:33:06,901 YES, DOES BILLIE EILISH LIVE IN ANY OF THEM. 627 00:33:06,984 --> 00:33:09,320 NO, GET IT OFF MY TRK V STEPHEN. 628 00:33:09,404 --> 00:33:12,573 >> STEPHEN, WE HAVE YET TO TELL OUR AUDIENCE DONALD TRUMP ISN'T 629 00:33:12,657 --> 00:33:13,241 PRESIDENT ANY MORE. 630 00:33:13,324 --> 00:33:14,242 THE RATINGS ARE JUST TOO GOOD. 631 00:33:14,325 --> 00:33:17,954 >> Stephen: NOW YOU HAVE HAD INCREDIBLE GUESTS. 632 00:33:18,037 --> 00:33:24,919 YOU HAVE HAD SENATOR CHRIS COONS, BUTTIGIEG, JOHN 633 00:33:25,002 --> 00:33:28,256 DICKERSON, LET'S SPILL THE TEA WHO IS THE TOUGHEST INTERVIEW. 634 00:33:28,339 --> 00:33:32,260 >> HONESTLY, STEPHEN, IS ANYONE MORE TOXICICALLY MASS YOU LYNN 635 00:33:32,343 --> 00:33:33,052 THAN JOHN DICKERSON. 636 00:33:33,136 --> 00:33:34,303 >> NO. 637 00:33:34,387 --> 00:33:37,223 >> HE DIDN'T SAY IT OUTLOUD BUT I COULD TELL HE WANTED TO GUESS 638 00:33:37,306 --> 00:33:38,933 MY WEIGHT. 639 00:33:39,016 --> 00:33:41,102 IT IS A HUNDRED BOUNDS. 640 00:33:41,185 --> 00:33:45,440 -- POUNDSK I'M SO TINY, I A LITTLE BUTTON NOSE, I COULD 641 00:33:45,523 --> 00:33:47,316 SLEEP ON A LEAF. 642 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:50,278 >> PERSONALLY I THINK DEAN KAINE WAS THE MOST CHALLENGING MOSTLY 643 00:33:50,361 --> 00:33:52,238 BECAUSE HIS HALFWAY HOUSE HAD REALLY SPOTTY INTERNET. 644 00:33:52,321 --> 00:33:54,574 >> Stephen: THE NEW SEASON KICKS OFF THIS WEEK. 645 00:33:54,657 --> 00:33:57,326 WHAT CAN VIEWERS EXPECT. 646 00:33:57,410 --> 00:34:00,997 >> OBVIOUSLY WE WILL FOCUS ON THE REAL ISSUES AND NOT THIS 647 00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:06,586 FRIVOLOUS POSTER WAR BS SO YES, WE WILL GO WALL TO WALL ON 648 00:34:06,669 --> 00:34:07,795 MR. POTATOE. 649 00:34:07,879 --> 00:34:10,965 ALSO KYLIE TOLD ME I AM ALLOWED TO TALK 20% MORE THIS SEASON 650 00:34:11,048 --> 00:34:14,969 BECAUSE SHE QUOTE DOESN'T WANT TO SEEM RACIST. 651 00:34:15,052 --> 00:34:18,306 >> WELL, KYLIE, LILA, PETER, BRIAN, IT'S BEEN GREAT TO TALK 652 00:34:18,389 --> 00:34:19,515 TO YOU. 653 00:34:19,599 --> 00:34:23,311 I HOPE WE CAN HAVE YOU BACK SOON BUT I'M AFRAID WE ARE OU OF 654 00:34:23,394 --> 00:34:26,189 TIME, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING US. 655 00:34:26,272 --> 00:34:29,150 >> STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN, BEFORE WE GO, WE HAVE A SURPRISE 656 00:34:29,233 --> 00:34:34,280 HONOR TO BESTOW UPON YOU FOR GIVING VOICE TO THE VOICELESS 657 00:34:34,363 --> 00:34:36,449 ANCHORS OF OUR HIT SHOW. 658 00:34:36,532 --> 00:34:38,201 READY THE GRAPHIC. 659 00:34:38,284 --> 00:34:42,538 WE ARE GOING TO DECLARE YOU OUR CORNY CATHOLIC SCHOOL BOY TURNED 660 00:34:42,622 --> 00:34:48,127 HAIR DIE FRENCH DAD SERVING LATE NIGHT TEL PROMPTEDDER ANDURE DG 661 00:34:48,211 --> 00:34:51,005 DG REELING STILL FROM THE CENTURY. 662 00:34:51,088 --> 00:34:53,966 QUNS CONGRATULATIONS. 663 00:34:54,050 --> 00:34:54,592 >> IT'S QUITE AN ACHIEVEMENT. 664 00:34:54,675 --> 00:34:58,012 >> Stephen: THANKS SO MUCH. 665 00:34:58,096 --> 00:34:59,138 >> Stephen: THE SECOND SEASON OF "VIRTUE SIGNAL" AND ALL THE REST 666 00:34:59,222 --> 00:35:02,058 OF "TOONING OUT THE NEWS" IS STREAMING NOW ON PARAMOUNT+. 667 00:35:02,141 --> 00:35:03,184 I DON'T DYE MY HAIR! 668 00:35:03,267 --> 00:35:08,189 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY KINGS OF LEON. 669 00:35:08,272 --> 00:35:10,107 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 670 00:35:33,297 --> 00:35:35,591 >> SOMEBODY JUST WON AN OYSTER EATING CONTEST WHOSE GAG REFLEX 671 00:35:35,675 --> 00:35:37,260 IS TRIGGERED BY INSINCERITY. 672 00:35:37,343 --> 00:35:41,222 >> I AM SORRY FOR WHATEVER PAIN I CAUSED ANYONEK I NEVER 673 00:35:41,305 --> 00:35:45,893 INTENDED IT AND I WILL BE THE BETTER FOR THIS EXPERIENCE. 674 00:35:45,977 --> 00:35:48,563 >> I'M SORRY, I NEVER INTENDED TO VOMIT ON YOU. 675 00:35:48,646 --> 00:35:55,236 AND I WILL BE THE BETTER FOR THIS EXPERIENCE. 676 00:36:05,830 --> 00:36:07,081 WELCOME BACK. 677 00:36:07,164 --> 00:36:08,457 THEIR HIGHLY ANTICIPATED ALBUM, "WHEN YOU SEE YOURSELF," IS OUT 678 00:36:08,541 --> 00:36:09,333 TOMORROW! 679 00:36:09,417 --> 00:36:15,089 PERFORMING, "THE BANDIT," KINGS OF LEON! 680 00:36:15,172 --> 00:36:18,092 S S S ♪ ♪ ♪ 681 00:36:23,181 --> 00:36:25,057 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ CHISELED THEIR NAMES IN STONE 682 00:36:33,691 --> 00:36:40,323 HEAVY THE LOAD YOU TOW ♪ AND THE RED HORSE 683 00:36:40,406 --> 00:36:45,620 IS ALWAYS CLOSE ♪ AND THE FIRE 684 00:36:45,703 --> 00:36:53,753 DON'T BURN BELOW ♪ ♪ ♪ 685 00:36:53,836 --> 00:37:01,761 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 200 MILES TO CLEAR 686 00:37:01,844 --> 00:37:09,936 CHASING A SOUND I HEAR ♪ WHEN THE CALL BRINGS THEM ALL 687 00:37:10,019 --> 00:37:17,693 TO TEARS ♪ AND THE HOPES THEY ALL 688 00:37:17,777 --> 00:37:28,621 TURN TO FEARS ♪ AND THEY'RE WALKING AROUND 689 00:37:28,704 --> 00:37:32,875 WITH THEIR HEADS IN THE CLOUD SCREAMING 690 00:37:32,959 --> 00:37:44,845 ♪ MUST CATCH THE BANDIT RECKLESS ABANDON 691 00:37:44,929 --> 00:37:54,939 ♪ RUNDOWN AND STRANDED MUST CATCH THE BANDIT 692 00:37:55,022 --> 00:38:00,987 ♪ RUNDOWN AND STRANDED MUST CATCH THE BANDIT 693 00:38:01,070 --> 00:38:12,915 ♪ TRACKS IN THE DIRT FOR DAYS SNIFF OUT THE FIRE ABLAZE 694 00:38:12,999 --> 00:38:20,923 ♪ AND THE RED DOOR IT SEEMS TO SWAY 695 00:38:21,007 --> 00:38:28,931 ♪ AND IT CARRIES A HEAVY WEIGHT 696 00:38:29,015 --> 00:38:32,935 ♪ AND THEY'RE WALKING AROUND WITH THEIR HEADS IN THE CLOUD 697 00:38:33,019 --> 00:38:40,901 SCREAMING ♪ MUST CATCH THE BANDIT 698 00:38:40,985 --> 00:38:52,913 RECKLESS ABANDON ♪ RUNDOWN AND STRANDED 699 00:38:52,997 --> 00:39:00,629 MUST CATCH THE BANDIT ♪ ♪ ♪ 700 00:39:05,176 --> 00:39:13,059 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ AND THEY'RE WALKING AROUND 701 00:39:23,903 --> 00:39:28,991 WITH THEIR HEADS IN THE CLOUD SCREAMING 702 00:39:29,075 --> 00:39:41,045 ♪ MUST CATCH THE BANDIT RECKLESS ABANDON 703 00:39:41,128 --> 00:39:51,097 ♪ RUNDOWN AND STRANDED MUST CATCH THE BANDIT ♪ 704 00:39:51,180 --> 00:39:57,103 ♪ RUNDOWN AND STRANDED MUST CATCH THE BANDIT ♪ 705 00:39:57,186 --> 00:39:59,438 >> Stephen: KINGS OF LEON WILL BE BACK ON MONDAY WITH ANOTHER 706 00:39:59,522 --> 00:40:01,107 PERFORMANCE! 707 00:40:01,190 --> 00:40:06,112 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 708 00:40:11,909 --> 00:40:14,286 >> Stephen: HEY, THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY. 709 00:40:14,370 --> 00:40:14,829 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 710 00:40:14,912 --> 00:40:14,954 GOOD NIGHT. 711 00:40:15,913 --> 00:40:17,832 Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by 712 00:40:19,208 --> 00:40:29,260 Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 713 00:40:29,343 --> 00:40:33,431 Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org