1 00:00:03,378 --> 00:00:04,587 >> A LOT OF US HAS BEEN AMAZED BY THE FIRST PICTURES AND IMAGES 2 00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:06,256 COMING BACK FROM NASA'S PERSEVERANCE ROVER. 3 00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:08,466 AND NOW THE ROVER IS BEAMING BACK SOUNDS FROM MARS. 4 00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:10,260 BUT I WANT YOU TO BE CAREFUL. 5 00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:12,387 SOMEONE SENT A FAKE TWEET ABOUT THE MISSION. 6 00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:16,391 SO WE WANT YOU TO BE AWARE. 7 00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:17,517 CHECK THIS OUT. 8 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:20,603 THIS 26-SECOND VIDEO SHOWING A HUGE SWEEPING VISTA OF THE 9 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,648 MARTIAN SURFACE DID NOT COME FROM PERSEVERANCE, OKAY. 10 00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:24,899 NASA SAYS THAT'S NOT REAL. 11 00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:26,276 BUT STILL, TWITTER USERS HAVE VIEWED IT AT LEAST THREE MILLION 12 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:27,277 TIMES. 13 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:30,071 SO IF YOU'VE SEEN IT, NOW YOU KNOW IT'S FAKE. 14 00:00:30,155 --> 00:00:36,077 HERE IS THE REAL RECORDING PERSEVERANCE CAPTURED ON MARS. 15 00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:40,415 ♪ ♪ ♪ NOT AS DRAMATIC, BUT STILL COOL. 16 00:00:40,498 --> 00:00:44,335 >> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 17 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:52,469 TONIGHT: PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES 18 00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:54,763 ARSENIO HALL AND MUSICAL GUEST CELESTE█ç 19 00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:59,309 WITH A SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY TIM WEDOS. 20 00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:04,481 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 21 00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:06,149 AND NOW, LIVE oN TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE 22 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:10,487 BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 23 00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:11,154 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 24 00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:12,489 WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW." 25 00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,449 I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 26 00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:15,533 I'M VERY EXCITED. 27 00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:17,869 ARSENIO HALL. 28 00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:19,204 EXACTLY. 29 00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:21,956 I WOULD HAVE BUT I HAD THE COFFEE IN MY HAND. 30 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,292 I DIDN'T WANT TO SPILL ANYTHING. 31 00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:25,627 AND OUR DEAR FRIEND TIM MEADOWS, TOO. 32 00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:30,006 HOLD ON A SECOND. 33 00:01:30,089 --> 00:01:33,843 WELL, FOLKS, IF YOU CHECK THE PAPER, YOU KNOW PEOPLE DON'T 34 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,595 READ PAPERS ANYMORE. 35 00:01:35,678 --> 00:01:39,224 IT'S MOSTLY THE WEB, BUT IF YOU LOOK AT THE WEB, YOU'LL SEE THE 36 00:01:39,307 --> 00:01:41,601 PANDEMIC CONTINUES TO RAGE ON. 37 00:01:41,684 --> 00:01:45,522 WE'VE NOW BEEN IN LOCKDOWN FOR OVER 11 MONTHS, AND IF YOU'RE 38 00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:46,481 BEGINNING TO GET THE CRAZY FEELING THAT ISOLATION HAS 39 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:49,692 STARTED TO DRIVE YOU CRAZY, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY. 40 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:53,530 YOU ARE CRAZY. 41 00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:54,697 BECAUSE ACCORDING TO CNN, PANDEMIC PARANOIA IS A REAL 42 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:55,406 THING. 43 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:56,241 OR IS IT? 44 00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:56,950 WHO PAID YOU TO SAY THAT, CNN? 45 00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:57,450 HOW WOULD YOU KNOW I'M PARANOID? 46 00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:00,537 ARE YOU WATCHING ME? 47 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:01,204 THERE'S A CAMERA RIGHT THERE! 48 00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:01,788 AND THERE! 49 00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:05,208 WHO PUT THIS MIC ON ME? 50 00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:08,837 ME? 51 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:09,087 I MUST BE IN ON IT! 52 00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:10,171 SCENE. 53 00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:14,509 ( LAUGHTER ) EVIDENTLY, THE PARANOIA IS BEING 54 00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:15,593 BROUGHT ON BY THE PANDEMIC, REQUIRED SOCIAL ISOLATION, AND 55 00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:19,389 AN UNCERTAIN ECONOMIC ENVIRONMENT, WHERE PEOPLE WORRY 56 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:20,557 ABOUT WHETHER THEY MIGHT BE ON THE VERGE OF LOSING THEIR 57 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:23,393 LIVELIHOOD. 58 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:27,188 THAT'S NOT PARANOIA. 59 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:28,398 THAT'S JUST NORMAL HUMAN FEAR. 60 00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:28,731 IF YOU CRY AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY WHEN THE CLOWN COMES OUT, THAT'S 61 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:29,816 A PHOBIA. 62 00:02:29,899 --> 00:02:31,401 IF YOU'RE ONE OF THE KIDS IN "IT," IT'S REASONABLE TO 63 00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:33,570 AVOID THE SEWER. 64 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:38,408 OF COURSE, DISINFORMATION FEEDS INTO PARANOIA, AND THAT'S WHAT 65 00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:39,534 LED THE CAPITOL INSURRECTION. 66 00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:41,411 YESTERDAY, THE SENATE HELD HEARINGS INTO WHAT CAUSED IT, 67 00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:45,582 BUT HERE'S THE THING: TWO OF THE QUESTIONERS UP ON THE DAIS 68 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:50,545 THERE, WERE SENATORS WHO SUPPORTED CHALLENGING THE 69 00:02:50,628 --> 00:02:54,090 CERTIFICATION OF ELECTORAL VOTES ON JANUARY 6 THAT LED TO THE 70 00:02:54,173 --> 00:02:55,383 RIOT: JOSH HAWLEY AND TED CRUZ. 71 00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:59,095 THAT'S LIKE HAVING A CANNIBALISM TRIAL PRESIDED OVER BY JUDGE 72 00:02:59,178 --> 00:03:03,433 HANNIBAL LECTER: "WOULD THE PROSECUTION PLEASE 73 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:11,274 SLATHER THEMSELVES IN HONEY MUSTARD AND APPROACH THE BENCH." 74 00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:12,942 THE SESSION WAS MOSTLY ASS-COVERING, BUT WE DID LEARN 75 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:16,779 ONE INTERESTING FACT: AN F.B.I. 76 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,449 ALERT ABOUT A POSSIBLE "WAR" AGAINST CONGRESS REACHED THE 77 00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:22,410 D.C. AND CAPITOL POLICE THE NIGHT BEFORE THE ATTACK. 78 00:03:22,493 --> 00:03:23,703 SO IT LOOKS PRETTY DAMNING THAT THE POLICE WERE WARNED AND DID 79 00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:27,290 NOTHING. 80 00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:28,499 BUT NOT THAT SIMPLE, ACCORDING TO ACTING D.C. POLICE CHIEF AND 81 00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:31,836 COP WHO DOESN'T REALIZE HIS█ç PARTNER WALKED AWAY 10 MINUTES 82 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,130 AGO, ROBERT CONTEE. 83 00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:36,257 CHIEF CONTEE TOLD CONGRESS THAT THERE WAS A PERFECTLY GOOD 84 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:42,472 REASON HIS DEPARTMENT IGNORED THE F.B.I.'S WARNING: 85 00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:47,477 >> WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A REPORT THAT CAME FROM THE OFFICE ON THE 86 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:52,023 DAY BEFORE, THAT NIGHT, AFTER 7:00 P.M. THAT WAS SENT TO EMAIL 87 00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:54,317 BOXES. 88 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:59,155 I WOULD CERTAINLY THINK SOMETHING AS VIOLENT AS AN 89 00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:00,156 INSURRECTION AT THE CAPITOL WOULD WARRANT, YOU KNOW, A PHONE 90 00:04:00,239 --> 00:04:01,866 CALL, OR SOMETHING, >> Stephen: HE'S GOT A POINT. 91 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,534 THERE'S A REASON WHY NO ONE SAYS, "I THINK I'M HAVING A 92 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:06,287 HEART ATTACK! 93 00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:09,791 QUICK, EMAIL AN AMBULANCE!" NOW, ONE GUY WHO ACTUALLY HAS A 94 00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:13,503 REALLY GOOD REASON TO BE PARANOID IS THE FORMER 95 00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:15,505 PRESIDENT'S PERSONAL ATTORNEY RUDY GIULIANI, SEEN HERE 96 00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:20,301 SUDDENLY REALIZING HE GAVE THE PROSTITUTE HIS REAL NAME. 97 00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:24,889 RUDY IS FACING A $1.3 BILLION LAWSUIT FROM DOMINION VOTING 98 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,224 SYSTEMS FOR SPREADING THE LIE THAT THEY STOLE THE 2020 99 00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:27,392 ELECTION. 100 00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:31,521 AND WHILE PUBLICLY HE'S BEEN TALKING TOUGH, PRIVATELY, HE'S 101 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:35,316 RUNNING LIKE A FRIGHTENED TODDLER, BECAUSE PART OF A CIVIL 102 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:40,655 LAWSUIT IS BEING GIVEN A SUBPOENA BY A PROCESS SERVER, 103 00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:42,198 AND TURNS OUT, GIULIANI SPENT A WEEK DOING EVERYTHING HE COULD 104 00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:43,533 TO AVOID BEING SERVED THE LAWSUIT. 105 00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:46,160 LOOK, I GET IT. 106 00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:46,911 IF A GUY WALKED UP TO ME AND SAID "ARE YOU RUDY GIULIANI?" I 107 00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:50,331 WOULDN'T WANT TO ADMIT IT, EITHER. 108 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:53,334 RUDY'S SERVICE-DODGING TACTICS WERE PRETTY CREATIVE. 109 00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:57,839 HE REPORTEDLY IGNORED REQUESTS TO SIMPLY ACCEPT IT VIA EMAIL, 110 00:04:57,922 --> 00:04:59,549 AND HAD HIS DOORMAN LOCK THE DOOR TO THE BUILDING WHENEVER 111 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:02,176 THE FORMER MAYOR ENTERED THE LOBBY-- WHICH IS THE FIRST TIME 112 00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:07,598 ANYONE HAS LOCKED A DOOR TO KEEP RUDY IN. 113 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:11,561 ALTHOUGH, MAYBE NOT THE LAST? 114 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:15,898 BUT THINGS REALLY CAME TO A HEAD ON FEBRUARY 7, WHEN A PAIR OF 115 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,735 PROCESS SERVERS AND GIULIANI GOT INTO AN AWKWARD STANDOFF DURING 116 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:19,569 A NASTY WINTER STORM. 117 00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:23,573 HOW NASTY WAS THIS STANDOFF? 118 00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:26,534 WELL, THE DETAILS ARE... 119 00:05:26,617 --> 00:05:31,581 GIULIANI LEFT HIS BUILDING AND GOT IN A FORD EXPLORER S.U.V. 120 00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:34,083 AND CLOSED THE S.U.V. DOOR AS A PROCESS SERVER LUNGED FORWARD 121 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,710 WITH A BAG FULL OF DOCUMENTS, WHICH MEANT THE LAWSUIT WAS 122 00:05:35,793 --> 00:05:39,589 LODGED BETWEEN THE S.U.V. 123 00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:42,216 DOOR, AT WHICH POINT, THE DOORMAN GOT INVOLVED, JABBING 124 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,426 HIS UMBRELLA INTO THE S.U.V. 125 00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:46,554 DOOR, AND THE DRIVER AND DOORMAN THEN PULLED THE BAG OF LEGAL 126 00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:49,932 DOCUMENTS OUT, ALLOWING GIULIANI TO CLOSE THE S.U.V. DOOR AND 127 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,434 DRIVE AWAY. 128 00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:52,560 WHAT A DRAMATIC ESCAPE! 129 00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:55,605 YOU CAN WATCH IT ALL PLAY OUT IN DICK WOLF'S NEW SHOW, 130 00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:59,609 "LAW & ORDER: S.U.V." 131 00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:00,860 DUM-DUM! 132 00:06:00,943 --> 00:06:04,113 LAUGH I HAD NOT HEARD THAT BEFORE. 133 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:07,116 THAT CERTAINLY SOUNDS STUPID. 134 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,284 BRAVO. 135 00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:08,785 WHEN IT COMES TO REDUCING THE COUNTRY'S PARANOIA, YOU KNOW 136 00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:10,703 WHO'S NOT HELPING? 137 00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:11,788 NASA. 138 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,916 BECAUSE WE JUST FOUND OUT THAT THEIR MARS ROVER'S GIANT 139 00:06:14,999 --> 00:06:19,629 PARACHUTE CARRIED A SECRET MESSAGE. 140 00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:22,632 NO SURPRISE-- AMERICAN SPACE EXPLORERS LOVES HIDDEN MESSAGES. 141 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,467 WE ALL REMEMBER NEIL ARMSTRONG'S FAMOUS FIRST WORDS ON THE MOON: 142 00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:27,637 >> THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN. 143 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,139 I AM THE EGG MAN. 144 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:30,598 I AM THE WALRUS. 145 00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:30,973 KOO KOO KA-JOOB. 146 00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:34,602 PAUL IS DEAD. 147 00:06:34,685 --> 00:06:39,649 >> Stephen: SO LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE ACTUAL SECRET MESSAGE 148 00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:41,484 INSIDE THE ROVER'S PARACHUTE. 149 00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:43,653 AH, YES, A CODE... 150 00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:45,988 THAT I TOTALLY GET. 151 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,657 SURE. 152 00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:53,663 BUT JUST IN CASE ANY DUMMIES AT HOME DIDN'T GET THAT AS QUICKLY 153 00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:59,669 AS I DEFINITELY DID, THEY ALSO PROVIDED THIS KEY THAT REVEALS 154 00:06:59,752 --> 00:07:03,714 THE PHRASE "DARE MIGHTY THINGS." 155 00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,508 LOOK, NASA, CONGRATS ON THE LANDING. 156 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:06,509 WE'RE ALL REALLY IMPRESSED. 157 00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:09,011 IT'S BEAUTIFUL. 158 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:15,017 AND THE PARACHUTE, KIND OF A COOL GAME BUT YOU'RE NOT 159 00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,185 HELPING. 160 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,145 WE'RE ALREADY CHOCK-FULL OF GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY THEORISTS 161 00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:18,312 DOWN HERE ON EARTH. 162 00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:19,021 MIGHT AS WELL JUST MAKE IT SAY, "THIS IS WHERE WE HID THE 163 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,565 VOTES!" AND THEY'RE NOT DONE! 164 00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:23,192 NASA OFFICIALS SAY WE CAN EXPECT TO SEE MORE HIDDEN MESSAGES. 165 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:27,155 WOW-- WOW-- WOW! 166 00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:28,364 THAT SEEMS PRETTY SUSPICIOUS. 167 00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:29,532 QANON FOLKS ARE DEFINITELY GOING TO WANT TO INVESTIGATE, SO WE 168 00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:31,659 SHOULD PROBABLY HELP LOAD THEM ONTO ROCKETS AND SHOOT THEM 169 00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:32,368 INTO SPACE. 170 00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:35,705 WHERE THEY GO ONE, THEY GO ALL. 171 00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:39,542 NOW, THE PANDEMIC MAY BE ENDING SOONER THAN WE FEARED, BECAUSE 172 00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:42,420 WE GOT ANOTHER INJECTION OF POSITIVE VACCINE NEWS TODAY: 173 00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:46,549 THE F.D.A. CONFIRMED THE JOHNSON & JOHNSON VACCINE 174 00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:50,720 PREVENTED ALL DEATHS AND HOSPITALIZATIONS IN TRIALS. 175 00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:51,888 THAT'S AMAZING! 176 00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:54,891 SOON WE'LL HAVE AS MUCH CHOICE IN VACCINE BRANDS AS WE DO 177 00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:55,725 FLAVORS OF MOUNTAIN DEW. 178 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:56,642 "YOU GOT THE PFIZER? 179 00:07:56,726 --> 00:08:01,689 I GOT THE MALIBU HONEY MELLON BAJA BOOSTER." 180 00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:03,816 ( LAUGHTER ) THE F.D.A. COULD APPROVE THE NEW 181 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:07,695 VACCINE AS SOON AS SATURDAY. 182 00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:09,363 AND UNLIKE THE ONES CURRENTLY OUT THERE, JOHNSON & JOHNSON'S 183 00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:10,573 IS SINGLE SHOT. 184 00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:15,536 ALTHOUGH, THE COMPANY ITSELF STILL REQUIRES A DOUBLE JOHNSON. 185 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:19,916 DO NOT GOOGLE THE PHRASE "DOUBLE JOHNSON." 186 00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:23,211 THE J&J SHOT IS A BIT LESS EFFECTIVE THAN PFIZER AND 187 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:27,089 MODERNA, BUT IT COULD MAKE THE PATH TO HERD IMMUNITY MUCH 188 00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:30,718 SIMPLER BECAUSE, UNLIKE THE VACCINES THAT HAVE TO BE STORED 189 00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:33,554 AT AROUND NEGATIVE-80 DEGREES, THE NEW ONE CAN BE STORED AT 190 00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,932 NORMAL REFRIGERATION TEMPERATURES FOR AT LEAST THREE 191 00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:37,558 MONTHS. 192 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:38,392 THAT'S SHELF LIFE! 193 00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,602 IT'S THE PICKLES OF THE VACCINE WORLD. 194 00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:44,440 PLUS, A LITTLE OF VACCINE ON YOUR TUNA SALAD? 195 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,984 TWO CHEF KISSES IN ONE MONOLOGUE! 196 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:49,278 THERE'S EXCITING NEWS IN THE WORLD OF MAIL DELIVERY. 197 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,447 YEAH, BRACE YOURSELF! 198 00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:54,951 THE U.S. POSTAL SERVICE JUST UNVEILED THEIR NEW FLEET OF 199 00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:58,621 DELIVERY TRUCKS, AND THE FUTURE IS ADORABLE! 200 00:08:58,704 --> 00:08:59,789 THAT THING IS JUST A COUPLE EYEBALLS AWAY FROM A PIXAR 201 00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:02,667 MOVIE. 202 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:05,878 YOU REALLY GET THE FEELING THAT ENGINE IS GOING TO BE GOING 203 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,838 "PUCKET-A, PUCKET-A, PUCKET-A." 204 00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:10,132 BUT THIS TRUCK ISN'T ALL LOOKS. 205 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:14,262 THIS BABY COMES WITH A TON OF COOL FEATURES. LIKE AUTOMATIC 206 00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:17,974 FRONT AND REAR BRAKING, TELEMATICS COMPATIBILITY, AND 207 00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:19,141 EVEN A 360-DEGREE CAMERA. 208 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:23,437 THAT WAY, OWNERS OF THE OCULUS V.R. HEADSET CAN JACK IN AND 209 00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:26,983 FULLY IMMERSE THEMSELVES IN THE ADRENALINE-PUMPING RUSH OF 210 00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:27,817 DELIVERING A VALPAK. 211 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:28,985 BUT OF COURSE THERE'S A CONTROVERSY. 212 00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:37,827 MANY OF THE NEW TRUCKS WILL BE ELECTRIC, BUT NOT ALL OF THEM. 213 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:39,036 AND "THE PRECISE MIX HAS ALREADY ELICITED CRITICISM FROM 214 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:39,829 ENVIRONMENTALISTS." 215 00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:41,080 I UNDERSTAND THEIR CONCERN. 216 00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:43,833 YOU WANT THE GREENEST VEHICLE POSSIBLE WHEN YOU'RE DELIVERING 217 00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:47,837 THOUSANDS OF POUNDS OF AMAZON RAIN FOREST THAT ARE NOW AMAZON 218 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,047 BOXES. 219 00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:51,048 NOW, IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR MORE REASONS TO FEEL PARANOID, 220 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:53,467 REMEMBER, SOMEONE MIGHT BE TRYING TO KIDNAP YOU. 221 00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:55,386 AND IT'S YOU. 222 00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:59,849 BECAUSE A MAN IN ARIZONA JUST FAKED HIS OWN KIDNAPPING TO GET 223 00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:11,861 OUT OF WORK. 224 00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:12,403 DID IT WORK? 225 00:10:12,486 --> 00:10:15,656 WE'RE STILL ON THE AIR. 226 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:16,699 SORRY. 227 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:17,950 HERE'S THE SELF-HOSTAGE-TAKER: BRANDON SOULES, IN HIS 228 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:23,039 COMBINATION MUGSHOT/MISSING PERSON PHOTO. 229 00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:24,332 BRANDON, I SALUTE YOU, SIR. 230 00:10:24,415 --> 00:10:24,665 SURE, YOU COULD HAVE JUST CALLED IN SICK, BUT YOU FAKED YOUR OWN 231 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:25,791 ABDUCTION. 232 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:28,044 THAT'S A LEVEL OF INGENUITY AND RESOURCEFULNESS THAT I'M 233 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:31,672 GUESSING YOU DON'T PUT IN AT WORK. 234 00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:32,840 AND THIS WAS NO SIMPLE RUSE. 235 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:40,723 POLICE FOUND SOULES ABOUT 55 MILES OUTSIDE OF PHOENIX, WITH 236 00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:42,600 HIS HANDS TIED BEHIND HIS BACK BY A BELT, A PURPLE BANDANNA 237 00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:43,851 STUFFED IN HIS MOUTH, AND HE WAS GOING IN AND OUT OF 238 00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:47,855 CONSCIOUSNESS. 239 00:10:47,938 --> 00:10:50,733 AGAIN, YOU COULD HAVE JUST TOLD YOUR BOSS YOU HAD A FEVER. 240 00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:53,652 HOW DOES THIS GUY GET OFF THE PHONE WITH TELEMARKETERS? 241 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:54,612 "WELL, I'D LOVE TO HEAR MORE ABOUT REFINANCING, BUT-- 242 00:10:54,695 --> 00:10:55,029 OH, MY GOD! 243 00:10:55,112 --> 00:10:57,740 THE SCORPIONS! 244 00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,075 THE SCORPIONS! 245 00:10:59,158 --> 00:10:59,867 THEY'RE DRAGGING AWAY MY DOG! 246 00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:03,913 TAKE ME INSTEAD! 247 00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:07,416 TAKE ME TO YOUR QUEEEEEN!" CAN WE-- DO WE HAVE A MINUTE? 248 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,752 CAN WE PUT THAT PHOTO BACK UP, JIMMY? 249 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:12,421 CAN WE PUT THAT PHOTO BACK UP. 250 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:15,591 I WANT TO POINT OUT THE POLICE TOOK THIS PHOTO BEFORE THEY 251 00:11:15,674 --> 00:11:16,217 HELPED HIM. 252 00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,219 THE POLICE WENT, "HOLD ON. 253 00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:19,512 GET MY CAMERA PHONE. 254 00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:23,849 I'M GOING TO WANT TO REMEMBER THIS." 255 00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,851 ( LAUGHTER ) HOW DO YOU TIE YOUR OWN HANDS 256 00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,270 BEHIND YOUR BACK WITH A BELT? 257 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:32,983 THAT'S-- THE GUY SHOULD BE IN VEGAS! 258 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,403 SOULES'S CLEVER RUSE STARTED TO COME UNDONE WHEN HE TOLD THE 259 00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:38,072 POLICE THAT HE HAD BEEN KIDNAPPED BECAUSE HIS FATHER 260 00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:39,949 HAD A LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY HIDDEN THROUGHOUT THE DESERT. 261 00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:41,784 JUST A SLIGHT EXAGGERATION. 262 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:44,078 HIS FATHER DIDN'T HAVE A LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY HIDDEN IN THE 263 00:11:44,161 --> 00:11:47,331 DESERT, BUT HE DID HAVE AN EXCEPTIONAL AMOUNT OF 264 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,582 KNUCKLEHEAD SON. 265 00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,793 AFTER THE POLICE INVESTIGATED, THEY ARRESTED HIM ON A CHARGE OF 266 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:55,131 FALSE REPORTING TO LAW ENFORCEMENT. 267 00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:55,965 AUTHORITIES WERE SUSPICIOUS WHEN THEY RECEIVED THE RANSOM NOTE: 268 00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:59,927 "I HAVE ME, AND IF YOU WANT ME, PAY ME. 269 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,303 MAKE THE CHECK OUT TO ME. 270 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,973 TO PROVE I MEAN BUSINESS, I'VE ENCLOSED MY BABY TOE. 271 00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:05,182 P.S.: OUCH." 272 00:12:05,266 --> 00:12:09,770 SO WHAT IS THIS HELLISH JOB THAT BRANDON WENT TO SUCH EXTREME 273 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,021 MEASURES TO AVOID? 274 00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:15,985 WELL, APPARENTLY, HE WORKS AT A TIRE STORE-- WHICH EXPLAINS HIS 275 00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:20,364 DESCRIPTION OF HIS KIDNAPPERS TO THE POLICE SKETCH ARTIST. 276 00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:26,328 I JUST HAVE TO WONDER, HOW BAD IS IT AT THAT TIRE SHOP? 277 00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:27,872 "SURE, I COULD GET A PRICE ON ALL-SEASON RADIALS, BUT TO BE 278 00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:32,001 HONEST, I'D RATHER DRIVE OUT TO THE DESERT, STUFF A GAG IN MY 279 00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:34,837 MOUTH, BASH MY HEAD ON A ROCK AND WAIT FOR THE COYOTES TO 280 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:35,337 CLOSE IN." 281 00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:38,799 CAN YOU USE THAT BELT? 282 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:42,303 BUT NOW THAT WE KNOW IT WAS ALL AN ELABORATE RUSE, IT COULD BE 283 00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:48,017 THE PLOT OF THE NEXT "TAKEN" MOVIE: 284 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,226 >> I WILL LOOK FOR YOU. 285 00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:51,812 I WILL FIND YOU, AND I WILL KILL YOU. 286 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:52,354 >> DAD, IT'S ME! 287 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:53,105 I JUST WANTED A DAY OFF. 288 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,983 SORRRRYYYY, K? 289 00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:56,734 THANKS, BYE. 290 00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:59,778 THANK YOU, LIAM NEESON. 291 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:02,406 NICE GUY TO DO THAT BIT FOR US. 292 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:03,491 AMAZING GUY. 293 00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:05,576 GO SEE "THE MARKSMAN" IN THEATERS NOW. 294 00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:07,203 >> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, 295 00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,287 ARSENIO HALL IS HERE. 296 00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:11,499 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I CELEBRATE BLACK HISTORY MONTH 297 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:13,542 WITH OUR OLD FRIEND TIM MEADOWS. 298 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,002 STICK AROUND. 299 00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:18,005 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 300 00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:43,906 WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW." 301 00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:46,909 LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE. 302 00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:48,536 JON, I'M DIGGING THAT SUIT HARD. 303 00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:51,247 WHAT IS THAT PATTERN? 304 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:55,417 >> Jon: THIS IS A DESIGN BY MY FRIEND KIRBY. 305 00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:58,796 HE MADE AND AND I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT THE INSPIRATION IS, 306 00:13:58,879 --> 00:14:01,799 BUT I'M DIGGING IT, TOO. 307 00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:02,841 AMAZING. 308 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:05,678 >> Stephen: THAT'S NOT A REPRESENTATIONAL PATTERN. 309 00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:07,096 THAT'S AN ABSTRACT? 310 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:08,597 >> Jon: YES, YOU SEE... 311 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:13,477 GOT A NICE LITTLE-- THAT HAS A COLOR PALETTE TO IT, TOO. 312 00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:14,645 GOT A NICE FEEL. 313 00:14:14,728 --> 00:14:17,273 >> Stephen: I THINK IT LOOKS BETTER ON YOU THAN IT WOULD ON 314 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:18,190 ME. 315 00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:18,983 I DON'T THINK I HAVE THE STYLE TO SUSTAIN IT. 316 00:14:19,066 --> 00:14:20,234 >> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS. 317 00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:23,070 >> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WHAT MIGHT LOOK GOOD ON, ARSENIO 318 00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:23,988 HALL? 319 00:14:24,071 --> 00:14:26,657 YOU ARE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO REMEMBER HIS SHOW. 320 00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:27,908 YOU WERE NOT ALIVE WHEN HIS SHOW CAME ON, RIGHT? 321 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:30,077 >> Jon: I REMEMBER HIS SHOW. 322 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:33,789 I REMEMBER SEEING IT-- I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS RERUNS OR NOT, 323 00:14:33,872 --> 00:14:35,958 BUT I REMEMBER HIS SHOW IN MY HOUSEHOLD. 324 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:40,129 >> Stephen: YOU KNOW THIS, YOU KNOW THIS, THIS IS AN AMERICAN 325 00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:40,629 STANDARD. 326 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:41,630 >> Jon: YES, YES,. 327 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,466 THERE WERE A LOT OF GREAT MOMENTS ON THAT SHOW. 328 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:49,638 THE MOMENT MIKE TYSON AND MOHAMMED ALI WERE ON THERE 329 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:50,806 TOGETHER. 330 00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:52,099 I REMEMBER SEEING THAT, AND THERE WERE SOME OTHER MOMENTS 331 00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:56,186 WHERE THERE WOULD BE SO MANY TITANS TO SHOW UP TO GREET 332 00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:58,480 ANOTHER TITANS AND WOULD BE SURPRISED. 333 00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,024 HE WOULD ALWAYS HAVE SOMEBODY COMING OUT THE BACK. 334 00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:01,650 I REMEMBER THAT. 335 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:02,943 I LOVED THAT. 336 00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:06,363 >> Stephen: JON, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO PLAY FOR US 337 00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:07,323 TONIGHT? 338 00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:12,328 >> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS, LET'S GET A VIBE OF... 339 00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:17,958 ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: THAT'S QUITE 340 00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:18,375 SOOTHING. 341 00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:21,503 THANK YOU, JON. 342 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:26,508 JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY. 343 00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:30,512 AS I HOPE YOU KNOW, FEBRUARY IS BLACK HISTORY MONTH. AND EVEN 344 00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,181 THOUGH IT ONLY LASTS 28 DAYS, IT'S AN IMPORTANT TIME TO 345 00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:34,016 REFLECT ON AND CELEBRATE BLACK CONTRIBUTIONS TO AMERICAN 346 00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:35,851 HISTORY. 347 00:15:35,934 --> 00:15:36,977 FOR INSTANCE, DID YOU KNOW THAT BLACK PEOPLE GAVE US BLACK 348 00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:39,355 HISTORY MONTH? 349 00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:40,564 IT'S TRUE. 350 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:46,028 AND HERE WITH HIS THOUGHTS ON THAT MONTH, PLEASE WELCOME MY 351 00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,237 FRIEND, MR. TIM MEADOWS. 352 00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:49,031 >> GOOD TO SEE YOU, STEPHEN. 353 00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:54,036 >> Stephen: IT'S ALWAYS GOOD TO SEE YOU, TIM. 354 00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:56,163 SO, FEBRUARY IS BLACK HISTORY MONTH AND-- 355 00:15:56,246 --> 00:15:56,830 >> NOPE, NO. 356 00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:57,414 WE'RE NOT DOING THAT ANYMORE. 357 00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:59,792 >> Stephen: I'M SORRY. 358 00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:01,043 WE'RE NOT DOING WHAT? 359 00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:01,543 >> BLACK PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS FOR YEARS: FEBRUARY IS NOT 360 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:04,338 A FULL MONTH. 361 00:16:04,421 --> 00:16:07,758 IT'S 28 DAYS. 362 00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:08,717 IS 11 INCHES A FOOT? 363 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:09,385 ARE KEVIN AND NICK ALL OF THE JONAS BROTHERS? 364 00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:12,012 >> Stephen: NO, THERE'S JOE. 365 00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:13,222 >> EXACTLY! 366 00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:16,266 AND BLACK HISTORY HAS GOTTEN THE SHORT END OF THE CALENDAR FOR 367 00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:17,393 TOO LONG. 368 00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:21,563 SO I, TIM MEADOWS, AM CALLING FOR THE EXPANSION OF BLACK 369 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,107 HISTORY MONTH TO GIVE IT THE TIME THAT IT DESERVES. 370 00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:27,194 >> Stephen: THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. 371 00:16:27,277 --> 00:16:28,112 HOW WOULD THAT WORK? 372 00:16:28,195 --> 00:16:29,238 >> WE STILL GET FEBRUARY, THE "RUNT" MONTH. 373 00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:36,245 BUT I AM DECLARING THAT THIS YEAR, BLACK HISTORY MONTH 374 00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:42,751 OFFICIALLY BEGAN ON JANUARY 20, WHEN KAMALA HARRIS BECAME THE 375 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:43,210 HISTORIC FIRST-- SECOND BLACK PERSON IN THE EXECUTIVE BRANCH. 376 00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:44,253 >> Stephen: OKAY. 377 00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:46,964 SO BACK-DATING IT TO MAKE IT TO MAKE A FULL MONTH. 378 00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:48,716 THAT SOUNDS GREAT. 379 00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:50,926 WRONG,█ WRONG. 380 00:16:51,009 --> 00:16:52,261 WE'RE ALSO TAKING MARCH AND APRIL. 381 00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:54,722 >> Stephen: UMMMM? 382 00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:57,933 >> YOU LIKE APRIL FOOL'S DAY, DON'T YOU, STEPHEN? 383 00:16:58,016 --> 00:17:00,394 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I SEE! 384 00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:03,939 IS THIS A JOKE? 385 00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:04,523 >> DO I LOOK LIKE I'M JOKING? 386 00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:05,607 APRIL FOOLS IS CANCELLED. 387 00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:08,402 AMERICAN HISTORY HAS BEEN A SERIES OF PRANKS ON BLACK 388 00:17:08,485 --> 00:17:09,111 PEOPLE. 389 00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:11,113 SLAVERY? 390 00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:12,322 JIM CROW? 391 00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:14,074 RED-LINING? 392 00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:16,160 HILARIOUS! 393 00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:17,411 YOU GOT US! 394 00:17:17,494 --> 00:17:23,834 IS ASHTON KUTCHER GOING TO JUMP OUT FROM A BUSH, OR SOMETHING? 395 00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:24,626 >> Stephen: I DON'T THINK ASHTON IS INVOLVED IN ANY OF THAT. 396 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:28,338 >> YEAH, YOU BETTER NOT BE, ASHTON! 397 00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:32,384 ANYWAY, AFTER APRIL, WE WILL ALSO BE TAKING MAY, AS WELL AS 398 00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:39,016 THE WHOLE SUMMER, WHICH WE'RE COMBINING INTO A GIANT 93-DAY 399 00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:39,767 MONTH CALLED "WAKANDATOBER. 400 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:42,311 >> Stephen: OH, ALL RIGHT, SURE. 401 00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:46,315 >> DON'T, DON'T, STEPHEN. 402 00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:47,983 >> Stephen: SO, IS THERE STILL GOING TO BE A FOURTH OF JULY? 403 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:51,153 >> YOU MEAN THE 34th OF WAKANDATOBER? 404 00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:52,696 >> Stephen: RIGHT. 405 00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:55,365 SO BLACK HISTORY MONTH ENDS ON LABOR DAY? 406 00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:57,993 >> NO! 407 00:17:58,076 --> 00:18:00,871 AND THIS IS GOING TO BE A TOUGH ONE FOR YOU AND YOUR BUDDIES, 408 00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:03,832 BUT WE'RE ALSO TAKING AUTUMN. 409 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:04,833 >> Stephen: WELL, I THOUGHT WE WERE BUDDIES. 410 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:05,959 BUT, OKAY, YOU GET THE FALL. 411 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:10,214 >> THAT'S RIGHT, WE GET ALL YOUR PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES. 412 00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:12,466 >> Stephen: I DON'T REALLY THINK PUMPKIN SPICE IS A STRICTLY 413 00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:15,093 WHITE THING? 414 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:16,011 >> YEAH, WELL, NOT ANYMORE! 415 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,137 AND LET'S TALK THANKSGIVING. 416 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:20,015 YOU KNOW THAT PART WHERE EVERYONE GOES AROUND THE DINNER 417 00:18:20,098 --> 00:18:23,727 TABLE AND THEY ALL SAY WHAT THEY'RE THANKFUL FOR? 418 00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:26,980 WELL, THIS YEAR, IT BETTER BE A BLACK PERSON. 419 00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,023 AND NO REPEATS. 420 00:18:28,106 --> 00:18:32,444 YOU DON'T GET IT SEE THREE OBAMAS OR FIVE BEYONCES. 421 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,029 SOMEBODY BETTER LEARN WHO FREDERICK DOUGLASS WAS, OR 422 00:18:34,112 --> 00:18:35,030 NOBODY GETS TURKEY. 423 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:35,864 >> Stephen: WELL, I'M THANKFUL FOR YOU, TIM. 424 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:40,452 >> SAVE IT FOR NOVEMBER, STEPHEN! 425 00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:43,997 AND SINCE WE'RE ALMOST THERE, BLACK HISTORY MONTH IS 426 00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:44,915 ALSO TAKING DECEMBER. 427 00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:47,125 >> Stephen: SO... THE WHOLE HOLIDAY SEASON? 428 00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:51,421 >> YES, SIR, YOU BET. 429 00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:52,381 AND NO "HAPPY HOLIDAYS." 430 00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:56,385 THAT'S A WAR ON BLACK CHRISTMAS! 431 00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:59,888 OKAY, WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE TRADITIONAL GREETING: "MERRY 432 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:03,225 BLACK CHRISTMAS, MY BROTHER." 433 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:03,851 >> Stephen: WELL, I LOOK FOWARD TO WISHING YOU A MERRY 434 00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:06,228 BLACK CHRISTMAS, MY BROTHER. 435 00:19:06,311 --> 00:19:07,104 JIERNGHTS WHOA, WHOA. 436 00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:09,273 WE GET TO SAY IT, STEPHEN. 437 00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:10,274 NOT YOU. 438 00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:16,530 WE, US. 439 00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:17,406 YOU CAN SAY, "GOSH, I LOVE YOUR KHAKIS" OR, "HAVE YOU SEEN 440 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:18,323 'THE CROWN'?" OR WHATEVER YOU GUYS USUALLY 441 00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:20,284 SAY. 442 00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:21,910 >> Stephen: WELL, I USUALLY SAY, "MERRY CHRISTMAS." 443 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,245 >> YOU MEAN BLACK CHRISTMAS? 444 00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:26,582 >> Stephen: YES, I DO. 445 00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:27,666 >> OKAY. 446 00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:32,462 >> Stephen: AND HOW DOES ONE EXACTLY CELEBRATE BLACK 447 00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:33,589 CHRISTMAS? 448 00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:34,756 >> WELL, IT'S EXACTLY LIKE REGULAR CHRISTMAS, STEPHEN, 449 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:35,257 EXCEPT IT WILL BE LEGAL FOR BLACK PEOPLE TO CLIMB DOWN ANY 450 00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:36,425 CHIMNEY THEY WANT TO. 451 00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:40,470 AND WHEN WE GET IN YOUR LIVING ROOM, YOU HAVE TO GIVE US 452 00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:41,638 COOKIES AND MILK. 453 00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:44,474 >> Stephen: SO WHEN ARE YOU PROPOSING BLACK HISTORY MONTH 454 00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:47,436 ENDS? 455 00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:48,604 >> THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION. 456 00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:49,313 IT ENDS WHENEVER YOU THINK YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH TO HONOR THE 457 00:19:49,396 --> 00:19:52,482 CONTRIBUTIONS OF BLACK AMERICANS. 458 00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:57,404 >> Stephen: WELL, WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, TIM, I DON'T THINK 459 00:19:57,487 --> 00:20:00,574 WE CAN EVER DO ENOUGH. 460 00:20:00,657 --> 00:20:01,992 >> WOW, I WAS GOING TO SAY NEW YEAR'S EVE, BUT IF YOU INSIST, 461 00:20:02,075 --> 00:20:02,618 WE'LL JUST TAKE THE WHOLE YEAR. 462 00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:04,578 >> Stephen: OKAY. 463 00:20:04,661 --> 00:20:05,495 SO IT NEVER ENDS? 464 00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:08,582 >> NO, NO, IT JUST SEEMS LIKE IT NEVER ENDS. 465 00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:09,625 PROGRESS TAKES TIME, STEPHEN. 466 00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:14,338 WHITE PEOPLE JUST NEED TO BE PATIENT. 467 00:20:14,421 --> 00:20:16,465 JUST GO SLOW, AND WAIT FOR YOUR PIECE OF THE PIE. 468 00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:16,965 BUT IT WON'T BE PUMPKIN! 469 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:20,594 THOSE SPICES ARE OURS! 470 00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:23,096 >> Stephen: TIM MEADOWS, EVERYBODY. 471 00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:30,646 THANK YOU, TIM HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH-- I MEAN YEAR. 472 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,814 YOU KNOW I MEANT YEAR. 473 00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:33,815 >> OKAY. 474 00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:34,775 >> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ARCENOHALL. 475 00:20:42,699 --> 00:20:46,787 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, 476 00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:49,164 EVERYBODY. 477 00:20:49,247 --> 00:20:51,708 MY GUEST TONIGHT CHANGED LATE-NIGHT COMEDY AS THE HOST OF 478 00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:53,669 "THE ARSENIO HALL SHOW." 479 00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:57,839 HE NOW STARS IN THE NEW MOVIE "COMING 2 AMERICA," A SEQUEL TO 480 00:20:57,923 --> 00:20:58,799 THE ORIGINAL. 481 00:20:58,882 --> 00:21:00,467 PLEASE WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW," ARSENIO HALL! 482 00:21:00,550 --> 00:21:02,886 ARSENIO, THANKS FOR BEING HERE, MAN. 483 00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:05,222 >> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME, SIR. 484 00:21:05,305 --> 00:21:08,350 I GUESS I PLANNED ON MEETING YOU ONE DAY, BUT NOT THIS WAY. 485 00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:14,690 YOU IN NEW YORK, WHEREVER YOU ARE, ON ZOOM, AND ME SITTING IN 486 00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:18,527 FRONT OF RICK ROSS' HOUSE LAUGH. 487 00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:21,405 >> Stephen: I FEEL A STRONG URGE, AS SOMEBODY WHO WATCHED 488 00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:28,870 LATE-NIGHT TV A LOT, I HAVE A STRONG URGE TO GO OOOOH! 489 00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:30,497 WHEN I SEE YOU. 490 00:21:30,580 --> 00:21:32,416 DO PEOPLE STILL DO THAT TO YOU EVERYWHERE YOU GO? 491 00:21:32,499 --> 00:21:36,503 >> YES, I WILL FOREVER BE THAT GUY FROM CLEVELAND WHO BROUGHT 492 00:21:36,586 --> 00:21:40,090 THE BARK TO LATE NIGHT. 493 00:21:40,173 --> 00:21:41,717 I TALK DOG TO BARKS. 494 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:45,887 WHEN MY SOFNS LITTLE, IT WAS CRAZY, BECAUSE WE WOULD WALK 495 00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:49,891 THROUGH MALLS, AND WHEN YOU ARE TWO NOBODY PREPARED YOU IN 496 00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:53,103 HEAVEN FOR THE FACT THAT PEOPLE BARKED AT YOUR FATHER. 497 00:21:53,186 --> 00:21:55,397 ONE DAY HE DID ASK, "WHY DO THEY BARK?" 498 00:21:55,480 --> 00:22:00,902 I HAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO SAY, WOOT! 499 00:22:00,986 --> 00:22:01,611 WOOT! 500 00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:02,654 AND THEY MAKE DIFFERENT NOISES. 501 00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:04,364 A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE IT'S A DOG, STEPHEN. 502 00:22:04,448 --> 00:22:07,367 >> Stephen: THE DOG POUND, HOW COULD THEY NOT KNOW? 503 00:22:07,451 --> 00:22:14,708 >> I SWEAR TO YOU, TWICE A WEEK, SOMEONE SAYS ON TWITTER "WOOT, 504 00:22:14,791 --> 00:22:17,544 WOOT" OR WOOO, WOOO. 505 00:22:17,627 --> 00:22:21,298 THAT'S A JEFFREY OSBORN SONG, THAT'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT GUY. 506 00:22:21,381 --> 00:22:25,385 >> Stephen: AT LEAST THEY'RE BARKING AT THEIR FATHER IN A 507 00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:27,512 FRIENDLY WAY. 508 00:22:27,596 --> 00:22:28,722 IT'S AFFECTIONATE. 509 00:22:28,805 --> 00:22:32,559 >> OH, YES, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THANKFUL FOR THAT. 510 00:22:32,642 --> 00:22:34,436 PEOPLE WHO CONFRONT ME, IT'S ALWAYS POSITIVE. 511 00:22:34,519 --> 00:22:36,897 IT MAY BE ANNOYING BUT NOT MEAN. 512 00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:40,150 I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT REACTION. 513 00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:40,692 OH... 514 00:22:40,776 --> 00:22:42,444 >> Stephen: IT'S NICE. 515 00:22:42,527 --> 00:22:43,403 THAT MUST BE NICE. 516 00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:44,571 I WANT TO-- I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE NEW MOVIE. 517 00:22:44,654 --> 00:22:48,784 I HAVE A LOT-- I'VE GOT A MILLION QUESTIONS FOR YOU. 518 00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:51,078 BUT FIRST I WANT TO KNOW HOW ARE YOU DOING? 519 00:22:51,161 --> 00:22:52,329 HOW ARE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY DURING COVID? 520 00:22:52,412 --> 00:22:57,918 WE CAN SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL, BUT HOWS THAT THE 521 00:22:58,001 --> 00:22:58,585 TUNNEL BEEN FOR YOU? 522 00:22:58,668 --> 00:23:00,128 >> WOW, IT'S BEEN INCREDIBLE. 523 00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:03,965 FIRST OF ALL, IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP CAN LAST THROUGH 524 00:23:04,049 --> 00:23:08,303 THIS, YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP, BECAUSE A LOT OF 525 00:23:08,386 --> 00:23:09,513 RELATIONSHIPS HAVE FALLEN BY THE WAYSIDE DURING THIS. 526 00:23:09,596 --> 00:23:13,934 IT'S HARD WHEN YOU CAN'T LEAVE AND YOU'RE JUST WITH THE ONE YOU 527 00:23:14,017 --> 00:23:14,684 LOVE. 528 00:23:14,768 --> 00:23:16,478 SO ME AND MY GIRL ARE DOING GREAT. 529 00:23:16,561 --> 00:23:21,983 MY SON, HE TESTS HIMSELF AND COMES TO VISIT DAD SOMETIMES, 530 00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:23,819 BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO KILL DAD. 531 00:23:23,902 --> 00:23:24,986 >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE. 532 00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:30,325 >> MY MOM, I'M SPENDING A LOT OF MONEY ON YARN AND WEED-- OF 533 00:23:30,408 --> 00:23:33,286 COURSE WE'D FOR ME, AND YARN FOR HER. 534 00:23:33,370 --> 00:23:36,331 I HAD TO FIND HER A HOBBY AND SHE SHE'S MAKING HATS. 535 00:23:36,414 --> 00:23:38,333 >> Stephen: OH, LIKE WHAT KIND OF HATS? 536 00:23:38,416 --> 00:23:40,544 ARE WE TALKING KNIT CAPS AND STUFF LIKE THAT? 537 00:23:40,627 --> 00:23:44,172 >> YEAH, SHE'S MADE, THIS YEAR, 79 HATS. 538 00:23:44,256 --> 00:23:48,510 AND HERE'S HOW CRAZY IT IS: YOU KNOW, I'VE DONE 40 INTERVIEWS 539 00:23:48,593 --> 00:23:49,261 THIS WEEK. 540 00:23:49,344 --> 00:23:52,180 BUT MY MOTHER MADE A HAT FOR YOU. 541 00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:56,560 AND IT'S-- I THINK SHE SAW YOU WITH ANDERSON COOPER, AND 542 00:23:56,643 --> 00:23:59,354 ANYBODY SHE SEES WITH ANDERSON COOPER, SHE LOVES, WHICH I THINK 543 00:23:59,437 --> 00:24:01,148 IS A MISTAKE AS A RULE OF THUMB. 544 00:24:01,231 --> 00:24:03,733 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT FOR SOME REASON, SHE'S A 545 00:24:03,817 --> 00:24:06,862 HUGE FAN-- AND I'M GOING TO-- I'M GOING TO MAIL IT TO YOU. 546 00:24:06,945 --> 00:24:11,032 SHE ACTUALLY MADE YOU A HAT. 547 00:24:11,116 --> 00:24:12,367 >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE IT THERE? 548 00:24:12,450 --> 00:24:12,784 CAN YOU SHOW ME? 549 00:24:12,868 --> 00:24:15,328 >> OH, I HAD IT. 550 00:24:15,412 --> 00:24:19,541 WE BOXED IT UP, AND WE'RE GOING TO SEND IT. 551 00:24:19,624 --> 00:24:22,294 APPARENTLY, THERE'S A BOB MACKIE KIOSK AT HER HOUSE. 552 00:24:22,377 --> 00:24:25,338 I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE GOT THIS BOX. 553 00:24:25,422 --> 00:24:25,964 BUT... 554 00:24:26,047 --> 00:24:27,924 IT'S A SPARKLY GLITTER BOX. 555 00:24:28,008 --> 00:24:29,426 AND SHE MADE YOU THIS HAT. 556 00:24:29,509 --> 00:24:33,930 AND SHE PUT HER NAME ON IT! 557 00:24:34,014 --> 00:24:35,223 >> Stephen: I'M HONORED. 558 00:24:35,307 --> 00:24:38,727 PLEASE TELL YOUR MOTHER, I'M HONORED. 559 00:24:38,810 --> 00:24:42,230 >> SHE-- HER NAME IS ANNIE HALL. 560 00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:46,610 BUT SHE PUT ANNIE M. HALL, BECAUSE SHE'S STILL MAD AT WOODY 561 00:24:46,693 --> 00:24:47,527 ALLEN. 562 00:24:47,611 --> 00:24:48,653 SHE THINKS HE OWES HER MONEY OR SOMETHING. 563 00:24:48,737 --> 00:24:51,698 >> Stephen: A LOT-- A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE MAD AT HIM THESE 564 00:24:51,781 --> 00:24:52,699 DAYS. 565 00:24:52,782 --> 00:24:55,952 ( LAUGHTER ) OKAY, WELL, LET'S GET TO THE 566 00:24:56,036 --> 00:24:57,120 HEAT OF THE MEAT HERE. 567 00:24:57,204 --> 00:24:59,956 YOU AND I HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON THAT JUST NOT A LOT OF 568 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:03,543 PEOPLE DO IS THAT HOSTING A NETWORK LATE-NIGHT SHOW, THE 569 00:25:03,627 --> 00:25:05,545 "THE ARSENIO HALL SHOW," THE FIRST TIME IT WAS ON, WHAT WAS 570 00:25:05,629 --> 00:25:08,423 THE RUN? 571 00:25:08,506 --> 00:25:09,716 WAS IT 89 IN '95 OR SOMETHING? 572 00:25:09,799 --> 00:25:10,967 WHAT WAS THE FIRST RUN? 573 00:25:11,051 --> 00:25:12,719 >> YEAH, IT WAS LIKE A SIX-YEAR RUN, AND THEN I STEPPED AWAY AND 574 00:25:12,802 --> 00:25:17,098 HAD A KID AND DID A LOT OF WONDERFUL THINGS-- NOT MUCH 575 00:25:17,182 --> 00:25:18,183 WORK. 576 00:25:18,266 --> 00:25:21,269 AND THE SECOND-- I DID A REBOOT THAT LASTED A YEAR. 577 00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:23,939 I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO WHAT YOU DO, MAN. 578 00:25:24,022 --> 00:25:28,068 LIKE, YOU DID A JOKE LAST NIGHT, A BUTT DIALING FROM MARS JOKE. 579 00:25:28,151 --> 00:25:29,569 I WAS DYING IN MY HOME. 580 00:25:29,653 --> 00:25:31,238 BUT I WAS LIKE HOW IS HE PACING HIMSELF? 581 00:25:31,321 --> 00:25:32,280 HOW IS HE TIMING HIMSELF? 582 00:25:32,364 --> 00:25:35,408 HE'S THERE WITH LIKE THREE WHITE GUYS. 583 00:25:35,492 --> 00:25:37,160 >> Stephen: TWO, TWO WHITE GUYS, AND THEY'RE ALMOST AS 584 00:25:37,244 --> 00:25:40,872 WHITE AS I AM. 585 00:25:40,956 --> 00:25:44,292 >> TRUST ME, THE BUTT DIALING JOKE WOULD HAVE KILLED AT THE 586 00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:44,751 APOLLO. 587 00:25:44,834 --> 00:25:47,963 >> Stephen: GOOD! 588 00:25:48,046 --> 00:25:48,922 GOOD! 589 00:25:49,005 --> 00:25:50,131 I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HOW THAT SHOW STARTED. 590 00:25:50,215 --> 00:25:54,803 WHERE-- WHERE-- FIRST OF ALL, YOU WERE UP AGAINST-- I KNOW YOU 591 00:25:54,886 --> 00:25:57,973 SAID YOU WEREN'T REALLY IN COMPETITION WITH JOHNNY, BUT 592 00:25:58,056 --> 00:26:00,934 UPPER OPPOSITE JOHNNY, YOU KNOW, THE UNDISPUTED KING OF ALL. 593 00:26:01,017 --> 00:26:06,314 AND WHAT DOES THAT FEEL LIKE TO START THAT SHOW? 594 00:26:06,398 --> 00:26:10,026 I MEAN, WHAT WERE THE-- WHAT WERE THE BUTTERFLIES LIKE? 595 00:26:10,110 --> 00:26:13,780 >> IT WAS-- IT WAS-- IT WAS AMAZING. 596 00:26:13,863 --> 00:26:16,157 BECAUSE INITIALLY, YOU KNOW HOW LATE NIGHT CAN GET. 597 00:26:16,241 --> 00:26:20,829 I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD NO LONGER BE HIS GUY. 598 00:26:20,912 --> 00:26:22,664 I HAD MET HIM. 599 00:26:22,747 --> 00:26:23,999 WE HAD TALKED ABOUT MAGIC, BECAUSE WE BOTH WERE MAGICIAN S. 600 00:26:24,082 --> 00:26:26,793 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE TO SHOW THIS PHOTO OF YOU. 601 00:26:26,876 --> 00:26:29,004 LOOK AT THE LAUGH YOU'RE GETTING OUT OF JOHNNY CARSON. 602 00:26:29,087 --> 00:26:31,798 >> HEY, THAT'S WHAT EVERY COMIC WANTS. 603 00:26:31,881 --> 00:26:34,551 IF YOU CAN MAKE JOHNNY CARSON GO BACK, THAT'S WHAT EVERY COMIC 604 00:26:34,634 --> 00:26:35,760 WANTS. 605 00:26:35,844 --> 00:26:39,347 DURING THE COMMERCIAL-- LIKE I SAID I WAS A MAGICIAN AS A KID 606 00:26:39,431 --> 00:26:43,685 AND WE TALKED ABOUT THAT AND HE DID A COIN TRICK FOR ME. 607 00:26:43,768 --> 00:26:47,647 AND HE DID SOMETHING WE DON'T DO NOW. 608 00:26:47,731 --> 00:26:49,983 HE WAS SMOKING, PUT THE CIGARETTE UNDER THE DESK. 609 00:26:50,066 --> 00:26:51,192 IT WAS A GREAT EXPERIENCE. 610 00:26:51,276 --> 00:26:56,531 AND ED McMAHON WOULD CALL ME SOMETIMES, JOHNNY WOULD TELL ED 611 00:26:56,614 --> 00:26:58,825 TO CALL ME AND GIVE ME NAMES. 612 00:26:58,908 --> 00:26:59,617 >> Stephen: WOW! 613 00:26:59,701 --> 00:27:02,078 WAIT, I STEPPED ON THAT A LITTLE BIT. 614 00:27:02,162 --> 00:27:06,374 JOHNNY WOULD TELL ED TO CALL YOU AND GIVE YOU NAMES FOR GUESTS OR 615 00:27:06,458 --> 00:27:07,625 SOMETHING? 616 00:27:07,709 --> 00:27:09,461 >> LIKE SOMETIMES JOHNNY WOULD COME ACROSS SOMEBODY HE THOUGHT 617 00:27:09,544 --> 00:27:12,047 WAS REALLY GREAT, BUT HE DIDN'T DISCOVER TALENT. 618 00:27:12,130 --> 00:27:18,386 ME BEING THE YOUNG GUY, I WOULD PUT ON A NEW MARIAH CAREY OR 619 00:27:18,470 --> 00:27:19,637 WILL SMITH. 620 00:27:19,721 --> 00:27:24,225 THEY GAVE ME USHER RAYMOND ONCE, BECAUSE I GUESS ED KNEW HIM FROM 621 00:27:24,309 --> 00:27:25,393 "STAR SEARCH." 622 00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:29,356 SO TO KNOW THAT NOT ONLY HE DOESN'T HATE ME, BUT HE TRIES TO 623 00:27:29,439 --> 00:27:35,028 HELP ME BECAUSE THE PATHS WERE SO-- SO DIVIDED, SO DISTINCTLY 624 00:27:35,111 --> 00:27:39,240 DIVIDED. 625 00:27:39,324 --> 00:27:42,619 YOU KNOW, YOU KNEW WHO A JOHNNY GUEST WAS, AND YOU KNEW WHO AN 626 00:27:42,702 --> 00:27:43,745 ARSENIO GUEST WAS. 627 00:27:43,828 --> 00:27:48,583 >> Stephen: ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT JOHNNY CARSON TOLD ED 628 00:27:48,666 --> 00:27:49,667 McMAHON TO TELL ARSENIO HALL TO BOOK USHER? 629 00:27:49,751 --> 00:27:53,296 >> YES, AND I THINK HE SAID, "MAKE SURE HE KNOWS ABOUT 630 00:27:53,380 --> 00:27:54,547 SINBAD." 631 00:27:54,631 --> 00:27:56,591 >> Stephen: I HEARD A STORY-- I HEARD A STORY-- IS IT TRUE YOU 632 00:27:56,674 --> 00:28:05,266 HAD WILL SMITH ON, AND HE GOT PITCHED FOR "THE FRESH PRINCE" 633 00:28:05,350 --> 00:28:06,351 BACKSTAGE? 634 00:28:06,434 --> 00:28:11,523 >> YES, WILL WOULD STOP BY SOMETIMES JUST TO HANG OUT. 635 00:28:11,606 --> 00:28:14,109 MY GREEN ROOM WAS LIKE THIS INCREDIBLE CLUBHOUSE. 636 00:28:14,192 --> 00:28:17,987 I WAS LIKE THE CNN OF HIP HOP. 637 00:28:18,071 --> 00:28:18,947 EVERYBODY WOULD GATHER THERE. 638 00:28:19,030 --> 00:28:20,949 THERE WAS NO TWITTER. 639 00:28:21,032 --> 00:28:22,242 I WAS THE BLACK BIRD. 640 00:28:22,325 --> 00:28:24,911 THERE WAS NO BLUEBIRD, AND GUYS WOULD HANG OUT. 641 00:28:24,994 --> 00:28:29,791 AND ONCE QUINCY SAID, "WHEN WILL COMES BY--" I TOLD QUINCY, HE'S 642 00:28:29,874 --> 00:28:31,292 THERE ALL THE TIME. 643 00:28:31,376 --> 00:28:33,795 "WHEN WILL COMES BY, I'D LIKE TO PITCH SOMETHING TO HIM." 644 00:28:33,878 --> 00:28:38,800 AT SOME POINT, WE PUT THEM IN AN EMPTY DRESSY ROOM. 645 00:28:38,883 --> 00:28:42,804 BENNIE MEDINA, WILL PRINCE, WILL'S FRIEND CHARLIE I THINK 646 00:28:42,887 --> 00:28:47,600 WAS THERE-- IRRELEVANT TO THE STORY PROBABLY TO YOU-- AND 647 00:28:47,684 --> 00:28:48,726 QUINCY JONES. 648 00:28:48,810 --> 00:28:51,980 THEY TOOK IT TO NBC-- THE OPPOSING NETWORK-- AND "FRESH 649 00:28:52,063 --> 00:28:53,314 PRINCE OF BEL AIR HAPPENED." 650 00:28:53,398 --> 00:28:54,816 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT WHEN WE COME 651 00:28:54,899 --> 00:29:01,030 BACK, I WILL ASK ARSENIO ABOUT HIS NEW MOVIE "COMING 2 652 00:29:01,114 --> 00:29:04,325 AMERICA," AND ASK HIM HOW HE MET EDDIE MURPHY AND HOW THE FIRST 653 00:29:04,409 --> 00:29:06,870 MOVIE CAME ABOUT. 654 00:29:06,953 --> 00:29:10,957 ♪ ♪ ♪ 655 00:29:20,425 --> 00:29:24,929 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 656 00:29:25,013 --> 00:29:27,891 WE'RE BACK WITH ARSENIO HALL. 657 00:29:27,974 --> 00:29:29,184 ANOTHER BELOVED RETURN. 658 00:29:29,267 --> 00:29:36,858 YOU'RE BACK ON SCREEN WITH YOUR FRIEND EDDIE MURPHY IN "COMING 2 659 00:29:36,941 --> 00:29:37,609 AMERICA." 660 00:29:37,692 --> 00:29:42,822 WHEN DID YOU AND EDDIE FIRST MEET? 661 00:29:42,906 --> 00:29:46,201 >> WOW, NO CELL PHONES BACK THEN. 662 00:29:46,284 --> 00:29:47,869 YOU GOT TO BE HOME TO GET THAT CALL. 663 00:29:47,952 --> 00:29:54,459 AND I WAS AT THE CRIB, AND KEENAN IVORY WILLIAMS CALLED ME 664 00:29:54,542 --> 00:29:56,836 AND SAID, "WE'RE ALL GOING TO HANG OUT TONIGHT, MAN. 665 00:29:56,920 --> 00:30:01,382 EDDIE IS IN TOWN AND HE HAS TO WORK ON HIS TONIGHT SHOW SET AT 666 00:30:01,466 --> 00:30:03,718 THE IMPROV, SO LET'S ALL MEET AT THE IMPROV." 667 00:30:03,801 --> 00:30:07,388 WE ALL GOT TO THE IMPROV, AND I THINK EDDIE AND DAMON WERE THE 668 00:30:07,472 --> 00:30:11,935 LAST ONES TO ARRIVE SEPARATELY, AND WHEN EDDIE WALKED UP, HE'S 669 00:30:12,018 --> 00:30:17,398 JUST STARING AT ME AT A PARKING METER IN FRONT OF THE IMPROV. 670 00:30:17,482 --> 00:30:18,733 AND HE'S LOOKING AT ME. 671 00:30:18,816 --> 00:30:21,069 AND I SAID, "HEY, HOW YOU DOING, MAN?" 672 00:30:21,152 --> 00:30:22,862 AND HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. 673 00:30:22,946 --> 00:30:31,246 AND KEENAN SAID, HIS MOTHER█ç TO US THAT YOU ALL LOOKED ALIKE. 674 00:30:31,329 --> 00:30:35,875 AND EDDIE IS STARING AT ME AND HE SAID, YO, BROTHER, YOU DON'T 675 00:30:35,959 --> 00:30:37,043 LOOK LIKE ME." 676 00:30:37,126 --> 00:30:41,756 AND REPLACE "BROTHER" WITH YOUR FAVORITE INNER-CITY SLANG. 677 00:30:41,839 --> 00:30:43,258 HE DIDN'T SAY "BROTHER." 678 00:30:43,341 --> 00:30:47,428 WE THROW THE "N" WORD AROUND LOOSELY SOMETIMES WHEN WE'RE 679 00:30:47,512 --> 00:30:48,721 ALONE. 680 00:30:48,805 --> 00:30:52,100 IT'S KIND OF FUNNY THAT'S ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS HE SAID TO ME, 681 00:30:52,183 --> 00:30:54,435 "YO, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE ME, BROTHER." 682 00:30:54,519 --> 00:30:54,894 IT WAS FUNNY. 683 00:30:54,978 --> 00:30:56,145 AND WE HUNG OUT. 684 00:30:56,229 --> 00:30:59,607 I REMEMBER HIM WALKING UP TO ME WITH A YELLOW PAD, AND HE HAD AN 685 00:30:59,691 --> 00:31:01,359 IDEA ON THE YELLOW PAD. 686 00:31:01,442 --> 00:31:04,445 AND IT WAS THE "COMING TO AMERICA" IDEA WITH NO BARBER 687 00:31:04,529 --> 00:31:05,738 SHOP. 688 00:31:05,822 --> 00:31:08,449 IT WAS JUST A FISH OUT OF WATER SITUATION WHERE TWO GUYS COME TO 689 00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:10,493 AMERICA LOOKING FOR A WOMAN. 690 00:31:10,577 --> 00:31:13,079 AND HE HAD BEEN GOING THROUGH THESE CHANGES WHERE HIS LIFE WAS 691 00:31:13,162 --> 00:31:13,621 CHANGING. 692 00:31:13,705 --> 00:31:14,872 HIS CAREER WAS CHANGING. 693 00:31:14,956 --> 00:31:18,960 AND HE WAS LIKE, MAN, IT'S HARD TO FIND A WOMAN WHO JUST DIGS 694 00:31:19,043 --> 00:31:20,795 YOU FOR YOU, MAN. 695 00:31:20,878 --> 00:31:24,090 YOU ALMOST HAVE TO MEET HER IN DISGUISE." 696 00:31:24,173 --> 00:31:26,301 AND THAT GAVE HIM AN IDEA. 697 00:31:26,384 --> 00:31:29,137 AND HE SAID, "AFRICAN COMES TO AMERICA, HE'S ROYALTY, AND HE 698 00:31:29,220 --> 00:31:32,682 WANTS TO MEET SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW HE'S ROYALTY." 699 00:31:32,765 --> 00:31:34,726 THAT IDEA CAME FROM HIS REAL LIFE. 700 00:31:34,809 --> 00:31:36,936 >> Stephen: WHY DID IT TAKE MORE THAN 30 YEARS FOR A SEQUEL? 701 00:31:37,020 --> 00:31:40,648 >> BECAUSE WE'RE LAZY. 702 00:31:40,732 --> 00:31:41,816 NO. 703 00:31:41,899 --> 00:31:44,944 LAWS IT TOOK 30 YEARS BECAUSE WE NEVER PLANNED ON DOING IT. 704 00:31:45,028 --> 00:31:47,822 STEPHEN, IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. 705 00:31:47,905 --> 00:31:52,619 AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE SHOOK AND SAID, "LET'S NEVER DO A 706 00:31:52,702 --> 00:31:53,202 SEQUEL." 707 00:31:53,286 --> 00:31:54,996 WE WERE SO HAPPY WITH IT. 708 00:31:55,079 --> 00:31:56,873 JOHN LANDIS PUT HIS FOOT IN IT. 709 00:31:56,956 --> 00:32:00,585 IT WAS PERFECT "WE'RE NEVER GOING TO MESS WITH IT." 710 00:32:00,668 --> 00:32:01,919 BUT THE MOVIE KEPT FOLLOWING US. 711 00:32:02,003 --> 00:32:03,087 IT KEPT TAPPING US. 712 00:32:03,171 --> 00:32:07,884 YOU KNOW, LIKE, EDDIE IS NOT INTO SOCIAL MEDIA AT ALL, BUT 713 00:32:07,967 --> 00:32:09,135 I'M A MANIAC WITH SOCIAL MEDIA. 714 00:32:09,218 --> 00:32:11,054 I'M ON EVERYTHING. 715 00:32:11,137 --> 00:32:12,847 I STILL DO MID SPACE. 716 00:32:12,930 --> 00:32:13,973 I SEND SMOKE SIGNALS. 717 00:32:14,057 --> 00:32:16,559 I LOVE TO COMMUNICATE WITH THE PEOPLE. 718 00:32:16,643 --> 00:32:20,563 AND I WOULD SHOW HIM THINGS-- ONE TIME I SHOWED HIM A TEXT I 719 00:32:20,647 --> 00:32:21,689 GOT FROM BEYONCE'S OFFICE. 720 00:32:21,773 --> 00:32:25,234 SHE WANTED TO HAVE A "COMING TO AMERICA" PARTY AND HAVE 721 00:32:25,318 --> 00:32:27,570 EVERYBODY DRESS LIKE THE CHARACTERS. 722 00:32:27,654 --> 00:32:28,529 AND I SHOWED HIM. 723 00:32:28,613 --> 00:32:30,156 HE SAID, "WOW, THAT MOVIE JUST WON'T GO AWAY." 724 00:32:30,239 --> 00:32:35,328 EVERY TIME-- I ONE TIME SHOWED HIM VIDEO OF PEOPLE OUTSIDE A 725 00:32:35,411 --> 00:32:36,496 RESTAURANT. 726 00:32:36,579 --> 00:32:42,460 THDECORATED THE RESTAURANT AS McDOWELLS, AND ON HALLOWEEN 727 00:32:42,543 --> 00:32:44,837 THEY WERE SERVING SEXUAL CHOCOLATE MILK SHAKES. 728 00:32:44,921 --> 00:32:46,047 AND I SHOWED HIM THE LINE. 729 00:32:46,130 --> 00:32:52,679 I SAID, "THE LINE IS DOWN PAST THE STRIP CLUB" WHICH WE BOTH 730 00:32:52,762 --> 00:32:53,680 ANYHOW THAT AREA. 731 00:32:53,763 --> 00:32:55,848 SO EVERY TIME I WOULD SHOW HIM SOMETHING. 732 00:32:55,932 --> 00:32:58,101 AND THEN ONE TIME, WHEN HE FINALLY DECIDED WE SHOULD DO IT, 733 00:32:58,184 --> 00:33:01,187 HE CAME UP WITH THE IDEA. 734 00:33:01,270 --> 00:33:02,772 AND I LOVED THE YET. 735 00:33:02,855 --> 00:33:04,732 I'M LIKE, "YEAH, MAN, WE'VE GOT TO DO THIS." 736 00:33:04,816 --> 00:33:09,070 BUT THE ONLY THING I HATED WAS HE WANTED TRACY MORGAN TO PLAY 737 00:33:09,153 --> 00:33:10,196 HIS SON. 738 00:33:10,279 --> 00:33:14,367 AND I THINK EDDIE AND TRACY LOOK ABOUT THE SAME AGE. 739 00:33:14,450 --> 00:33:17,245 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WELL, YOU DO-- 740 00:33:17,328 --> 00:33:20,623 >> BUT HE'S EDDIE MURPHY, HE'S EDDIE MURPHY, SO YOU HAVE TO SAY 741 00:33:20,707 --> 00:33:21,082 IT EASY. 742 00:33:21,165 --> 00:33:21,749 >> Stephen: SURE. 743 00:33:21,833 --> 00:33:22,250 >> LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT I DID? 744 00:33:22,333 --> 00:33:24,669 I DID IT IN JOKE FORM. 745 00:33:24,752 --> 00:33:30,633 I SAID, "HEY, MAYBE THE THIRD ONE, MORGAN FREEMAN CAN BE YOUR 746 00:33:30,717 --> 00:33:31,759 SON." 747 00:33:31,843 --> 00:33:33,219 AND HE LAUGHED AND SAID, "YEAH, LET ME THINK ABOUT IT. 748 00:33:33,302 --> 00:33:36,764 BUT I WANT TRACY IN IT BECAUSE I LOVE TRACY." 749 00:33:36,848 --> 00:33:37,473 AND EVERYBODY LOVES TRACY. 750 00:33:37,557 --> 00:33:39,350 >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE. 751 00:33:39,434 --> 00:33:40,476 CAN YOU TELL US WHAT'S GOING ON? 752 00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:44,772 >> IF IT'S THE CLIP I THINK IT IS, I'M TALKING TO MYSELF, 753 00:33:44,856 --> 00:33:47,942 BECAUSE I'M A VERY LONELY. 754 00:33:48,025 --> 00:33:52,780 I THINK SIMI IS TALKING TO MORRIS THE BARBER. 755 00:33:52,864 --> 00:33:55,575 I MIGHT BE TWO PEOPLE IN THIS SCENE. 756 00:33:55,658 --> 00:33:56,743 >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, JIM. 757 00:33:56,826 --> 00:34:00,747 >> SO WHAT YOU DOING BACK HERE, IDIOT AMINE. 758 00:34:00,830 --> 00:34:02,915 >> I JUST DISCOVERED I MAY HAVE A SON IN THIS LAND. 759 00:34:02,999 --> 00:34:04,167 >> HOW MUCH CHILD SUPPORT ARE YOU PAYING? 760 00:34:04,250 --> 00:34:06,878 >> THE KING DOESN'T PAY CHILD SUPPORT. 761 00:34:06,961 --> 00:34:09,088 >> NO CHILD SUPPORT FOR 30 YEARS AND YOU CAME BACK, YOU ARE A 762 00:34:09,172 --> 00:34:13,509 DUMMY. 763 00:34:13,593 --> 00:34:15,136 >> Stephen: WELL, ARSENIO, IT WAS REALLY GREAT TO MEET YOU. 764 00:34:15,219 --> 00:34:15,803 THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 765 00:34:15,887 --> 00:34:17,096 >> THIS WAS A LOT OF FUN, MAN. 766 00:34:17,180 --> 00:34:19,974 KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING. 767 00:34:20,057 --> 00:34:24,479 WHEN I WAS IN ATLANTA, AND MY SPECIAL ON NETFLIX CAME OUT, 768 00:34:24,562 --> 00:34:25,605 YOUR PEOPLE INVITED ME. 769 00:34:25,688 --> 00:34:29,025 AND WE HAD NEVER MET, AND, OBVIOUSLY, I COULDN'T LEAVE 770 00:34:29,108 --> 00:34:29,984 ATLANTA THEN. 771 00:34:30,067 --> 00:34:31,194 I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT, MAN. 772 00:34:31,277 --> 00:34:33,154 AND THANKS FOR HAVING ME TODAY-- TONIGHT. 773 00:34:33,237 --> 00:34:35,990 >> Stephen: I WANTED TO MEET YOU FOR A LONG TIME. 774 00:34:36,074 --> 00:34:39,327 AND PLEASE GIVE MY BEST AND MY THANKS TO YOUR MOM. 775 00:34:39,410 --> 00:34:39,952 >> ABSOLUTELY. 776 00:34:40,036 --> 00:34:41,871 I'M GOING TO SEND YOU THIS. 777 00:34:41,954 --> 00:34:43,664 I'M PUTTING IT IN FEDEX! 778 00:34:43,748 --> 00:34:46,167 >> Stephen: PLEASE, AND I HOPE TO SEE YOU WHEN I HAVE AN 779 00:34:46,250 --> 00:34:47,293 AUDIENCE. 780 00:34:47,376 --> 00:34:51,839 >> I WOULD LOVE TO COME TO THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER, DOG. 781 00:34:51,923 --> 00:34:52,256 >> Stephen: YOU CAN SEE "COMING 2 AMERICA" ON AMAZON STARTING 782 00:34:52,340 --> 00:34:54,634 FRIDAY, MARCH 5. 783 00:34:54,717 --> 00:34:55,676 ARSENIO HALL, EVERYBODY! 784 00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:59,639 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY CELESTE. 785 00:34:59,722 --> 00:35:01,349 THANKS, MAN. 786 00:35:01,432 --> 00:35:05,520 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 787 00:35:09,232 --> 00:35:18,866 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 788 00:35:28,125 --> 00:35:32,004 GOLDEN GLOBE-NOMINATED ORIGINAL SONG, "HEAR MY VOICE," FROM "THE 789 00:35:32,088 --> 00:35:34,090 TRIAL OF THE CHICAGO 7," CELESTE! 790 00:35:34,173 --> 00:35:36,008 TRIAL OF THE CHICAGO 7," CELESTE! 791 00:35:36,092 --> 00:35:50,731 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 792 00:35:50,815 --> 00:35:56,946 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 793 00:36:28,811 --> 00:36:40,656 ♪ HEAR MY VOICE HEAR MY DREAMS 794 00:36:40,740 --> 00:36:50,791 ♪ LET US MAKE A WORLD IN WHICH I BELIEVE 795 00:36:50,875 --> 00:36:56,797 ♪ LET US MAKE A WORLD IN WHICH I BELIEVE 796 00:36:56,881 --> 00:37:08,768 ♪ HEAR MY WORDS HEAR MY CRIES 797 00:37:08,851 --> 00:37:18,819 ♪ LET ME SEE A CHANGE THROUGH THESE EYES 798 00:37:18,903 --> 00:37:28,079 ♪ LET ME SEE A CHANGE THROUGH THESE EYES 799 00:37:28,162 --> 00:37:32,792 ♪ YOU MAY THINK I WON'T BE HEARD 800 00:37:32,875 --> 00:37:40,716 ♪ STILL I RAISE THIS HAND SPREAD THIS WORD 801 00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:48,849 ♪ THESE WORDS OF FIRE OF HOPE AND DESIRE 802 00:37:48,933 --> 00:37:58,859 ♪ AND I'LL LET THEM FREE HEAR MY VOICE 803 00:37:58,943 --> 00:38:08,869 ♪ AND I'LL LET THEM FREE HEAR MY VOICE 804 00:38:08,953 --> 00:38:18,879 ♪ HEAR MY DREAMS LET US MAKE A WORLD 805 00:38:18,963 --> 00:38:28,848 ♪ HEAR MY DREAMS LET US MAKE A WORLD 806 00:38:28,931 --> 00:38:38,899 ♪ IN WHICH WE BELIEVE IN WHICH WE BELIEVE 807 00:38:38,983 --> 00:38:44,864 ♪ IN WHICH WE BELIEVE IN WHICH WE BELIEVE 808 00:38:44,947 --> 00:38:54,957 ♪ HEAR MY WORDS HEAR MY CHOICE 809 00:38:55,041 --> 00:39:04,925 ♪ HEAR MY WORDS HEAR MY CHOICE 810 00:39:05,009 --> 00:39:13,392 ♪ HEAR MY VOICE ♪ >> Stephen: HER DEBUT ALBUM, 811 00:39:13,476 --> 00:39:16,228 "NOT YOUR MUSE," IS OUT NOW. 812 00:39:16,312 --> 00:39:16,729 CELESTE, EVERYBODY! 813 00:39:16,812 --> 00:39:17,271 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 814 00:39:17,355 --> 00:39:23,527 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 815 00:39:28,324 --> 00:39:30,785 LATE SHOW." 816 00:39:30,868 --> 00:39:33,120 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE REGINA KING AND MUSICAL 817 00:39:33,204 --> 00:39:35,748 GUEST VIC MENSA. 818 00:39:35,831 --> 00:39:36,123 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 819 00:39:36,207 --> 00:39:36,791 GOOD NIGHT. 820 00:39:39,043 --> 00:39:39,502 Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by 821 00:39:40,836 --> 00:39:42,046 Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 822 00:39:42,129 --> 00:39:42,963 >> Stephen: HEY, THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 823 00:39:43,047 --> 00:39:45,299 >> ABSOLUTELY. 824 00:39:45,382 --> 00:39:45,800 ARE WE DOING THIS THING? 825 00:39:45,883 --> 00:39:46,133 >> Stephen: I HOPE SO. 826 00:39:46,217 --> 00:39:47,134 I HOPE SO. 827 00:39:47,218 --> 00:39:49,512 THEY'VE TOLD ME WE'RE GOING TO BROADCAST TONIGHT. 828 00:39:49,595 --> 00:39:50,638 BUT YOU NEVER KNOW. 829 00:39:50,721 --> 00:39:56,435 >> I THOUGHT THIS WAS A REHEARSAL, A DRESS REHEARSAL. 830 00:39:56,519 --> 00:39:57,561 ♪ ♪ ♪