1 00:00:01,751 --> 00:00:05,255 >> TEXAS SENATOR TED CRUZ FACES INTENSE HEAT FOR FLYING TO 2 00:00:05,338 --> 00:00:06,214 CANCUN, WHILE HIS CONSTITUENTS SHIVERED IN THE BITTER COLD. 3 00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:11,886 WHY HE'S NOW CALLING THE TRIP A MISTAKE. 4 00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:15,056 AND N.A.S.A. MAKES HISTORY WITH ITS NEWEST MARS MISSION. 5 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:18,977 >> THE S PORT B HAS SHUT DOWN. 6 00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:27,277 AND PERSEVERANCE BEGINS ITS DESCENT TO THE SURFACE OF MARS. 7 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:28,445 >> HOUSTON -- WHO'S THAT? 8 00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:29,654 I'M TED CRUZ, AND I'M GOING TO MARS. 9 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,281 >> SHOULDN'T YOU BE HELPING YOUR STATE GET ITS POWER BACK ON? 10 00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:34,993 >> LEAVING WHEN SO MANY TEXANS WERE HURTING, I TOOK THE FIRST 11 00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:36,411 FLIGHT I COULD GET. 12 00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:39,247 >> WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO MOST MISS DOING ON EARTH? 13 00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:40,457 >> FAILING TEXANS, MASSIVELY. 14 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:46,629 BUT WHY ARE YOU GOING TO MARS? 15 00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,757 >> I -- WANT -- TO BE -- ON VACATION -- SOMEWHERE WARMER. 16 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,134 >> MARS HAS AN AVERAGE TEMPERATURE OF NEGATIVE 17 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:51,801 80 DEGREES. 18 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,470 >> IT WAS A OBVIOUSLY MISTAKE. 19 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:55,013 IN HINDSIGHT, I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT. 20 00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:58,308 >> ALL RIGHT, THEN. 21 00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:03,104 CONGRATULATIONS, HOUSTON -- TED CRUZ HAS LEFT THE PLANET. 22 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,439 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE 23 00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:13,782 SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! 24 00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:15,283 TONIGHT, TEXAN. 25 00:01:15,366 --> 00:01:22,540 PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES BILL GATES AND MUSICAL GUEST "TUNE-YARDS," 26 00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:26,336 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY " HUMAN." 27 00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:33,009 LIVE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE BUILDING IN 28 00:01:33,092 --> 00:01:35,053 NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 29 00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:36,221 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 30 00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:42,519 WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW." 31 00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:43,311 I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 32 00:01:43,394 --> 00:01:45,355 MMM... 33 00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:46,231 OOOH... 34 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:47,148 WELL, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 35 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:48,316 HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN GONE? 36 00:01:48,399 --> 00:01:49,734 >> A WEEK. 37 00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:50,527 >> Stephen: A WEEK. 38 00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:51,194 I MISSED YOU. 39 00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:52,570 I HOPE YOU MISSED ME. 40 00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:56,074 SO MUCH HAS CHANGED IN THAT NOTHING IS CHANGING. 41 00:01:56,157 --> 00:02:03,164 BECAUSE THE BIG STORY TODAY IS I'M STILL HERE 42 00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:05,750 YOU'RE STILL THERE, AND WE'VE BEEN THAT WAY FOR ALMOST A YEAR. 43 00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:07,168 WE'RE APPROACHING THE PANDEMIC'S FIRST ANNIVERSARY. 44 00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:09,003 TRADITIONALLY, THE GIFT IS PAPER, ON A ROLL, NEXT TO A 45 00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:10,380 TOILET. 46 00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:13,091 BUT EVEN AS THE DEATH TOLL CROSSES HALF A MILLION, THERE IS 47 00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:18,221 GOOD NEWS: PRESIDENT BIDEN EXPECTS TO SURPASS HIS GOAL 48 00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:19,556 OF 100 MILLION SHOTS IN 100 DAYS, AND LAST WEEK, THE DAILY 49 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:26,396 INOCULATION AVERAGE CLIMBED TO 1.7 MILLION SHOTS PER DAY. 50 00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:27,522 SO, THE MAIN QUESTION ON EVERYONE'S MIND IS: WHEN WILL 51 00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:30,233 THINGS BE NORMAL? 52 00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:31,568 ONE PROFESSOR AT JOHNS HOPKINS SAYS, "WE'LL HAVE HERD IMMUNITY 53 00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:33,194 BY APRIL." 54 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:35,113 APRIL? 55 00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:36,781 THAT'S GREAT! 56 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:39,158 BUT IT DOES MEAN I ACTUALLY HAVE TO GET STARTED ON MY BEACH BOD'. 57 00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:44,122 RIGHT NOW I'M ROCKIN' MORE OF A WASHED-UP-ON-THE-BEACH BOD'. 58 00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:49,419 MAYBE FISHED OUT OF THE RIVER, DRAGGED OUT OF THE LAKE. 59 00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:50,587 OF COURSE, AS EXCITING AS THIS PREDICTION IS, KEEP IN MIND, IT 60 00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:54,924 FIRST APPEARED IN "THE NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF TELLING YOU 61 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,426 WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR." 62 00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:57,635 THIS MONTH'S COVER STORY: "MOST PEOPLE YOUR AGE CAN'T PULL OFF A 63 00:02:57,719 --> 00:03:00,263 LEATHER JACKET, BUT YOU LOOK GREAT!" 64 00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:01,264 SO, IT'S HAPPENING! 65 00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:04,142 WE'RE GOING BACK TO NORMAL IN APRIL! 66 00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:07,270 OR AS PRESIDENT BIDEN PUT IT SLIGHTLY DIFFERENTLY: 67 00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:10,440 >> BY NEXT CHRISTMAS. 68 00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:11,232 >> STEPHEN: ALL RIGHT, FINE. 69 00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:11,566 NEXT CHRISTMAS. 70 00:03:11,649 --> 00:03:14,068 WHATEVER. 71 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:16,446 AT LEAST AT THIS YEAR'S FAMILY MEALS, WE WON'T BE SAYING, 72 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:19,240 "UNCLE PHIL, YOU'RE ON MUTE!" WE'LL BE SAYING, "I WISH WE 73 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:21,284 COULD PUT UNCLE PHIL ON MUTE." 74 00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:24,621 ANYWAY, IT'S THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT... FOR THE GRINCH 75 00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:25,997 TO STEAL. 76 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:29,959 BECAUSE DR. FAUCI SAYS IT'S POSSIBLE WE'LL STILL BE WEARING 77 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,252 MASKS IN 2022. 78 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,378 GREAT! 79 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,172 WE'LL BE BACK TO NORMAL BY APRIL-- CHRISTMAS A YEAR AND A 80 00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:38,760 HALF FROM NOW. 81 00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:41,638 ONE OF THOSE! 82 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:42,972 ANY ONE OF THOSE! 83 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:46,809 LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY -- IF THIS WERE CLIMBING MOUNT 84 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:49,812 EVEREST, WE'D EITHER BE ABOUT TO SUMMIT, SET UP BASE CAMP, OR 85 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,314 THINKING ABOUT BUYING A CLIF BAR AT CVS. 86 00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:57,779 BUT WHATEVER THAT -- YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 87 00:03:57,862 --> 00:04:01,824 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M FEELING, RIGHT? 88 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:06,371 WELL, THEN -- WHERE ARE WE IN WE'RE, LIKE, IN PURGATORY HERE! 89 00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:08,331 WHENEVER NORMAL HAPPENS, THIS COUNTRY IS MORE THAN READY. IN 90 00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:10,583 FACT, A NEW SURVEY FOUND THAT 38% OF AMERICANS WOULD GIVE UP 91 00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:15,338 SEX FOR A YEAR TO GO ON A TRIP IMMEDIATELY. 92 00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:16,464 WHICH MEANS AN ASTOUNDING 38% OF AMERICANS HAVE HAD SEX THIS 93 00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:18,383 YEAR. 94 00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:23,346 EVIDENTLY, SOME PEOPLE ARE TURNED ON BY A HOT BOWL OF 95 00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:25,807 COUCH LASAGNA. 96 00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:27,350 MMM! 97 00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:31,187 YOU'RE LOOKING LOGY. 98 00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:32,397 THERE WAS A LITTLE NEWS TIDBIT YOU MIGHT'VE MISSED LAST WEEK 99 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:33,356 WHEN THE SENATE ACQUITTED THE FORMER PRESIDENT IN HIS SECOND 100 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:35,984 IMPEACHMENT TRIAL FOR INSURRECTION. 101 00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,360 WE WERE ON BREAK WHEN IT HAPPENED, BUT I PROMISE WE'LL 102 00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:41,948 HAVE FULL COVERAGE OF HIS THIRD IMPEACHMENT. 103 00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:43,574 BUT OL' DOLT 45'S NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET. 104 00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:48,454 BECAUSE TODAY, THE SUPREME COURT DENIED HIS FINAL BID TO BLOCK 105 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:51,416 THE RELEASE OF HIS TAX RETURNS. 106 00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:55,378 WOO! 107 00:04:55,461 --> 00:05:00,550 ♪♪♪ THAT'S IT! 108 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:01,884 THANK YOU! 109 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:07,432 THAT WAS HARDLY EVEN DANGEROUS! 110 00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:08,141 ( LAUGHTER ) OH! 111 00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,893 BREAK OUT THE CHAMPAGNE GLASSES! 112 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:11,769 AND MY READING GLASSES! 113 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:14,772 THERE'S GONNA BE SOME FINE PRINT! 114 00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:17,692 I'LL GIVE YOU THE 4-1-1 ON THE 1099'S IN OUR NEW, HOPEFULLY 115 00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:19,444 VERY RECURRING SEGMENT: >> LOCK HIM UP! 116 00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:21,320 LOCK HIM UP! 117 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,406 LOCK HIM UP! 118 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,784 LOCK HIM UP! 119 00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:28,286 >> Stephen: THE NICE THING ABOUT BEING GONE, BECAUSE YOU 120 00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:35,418 DON'T MISS A STEP -- I STILL GOT IT, BABY! 121 00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:38,921 FOR YEARS, THE FORMER PRESIDENT -- I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE 122 00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:43,468 ONE OF THOSE POPPER THINGS THAT REALLY ENDANGERS EVERYONE AROUND 123 00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:44,343 YOU. 124 00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:47,430 THIS IS WHY REHEARSAL IS HANDY. 125 00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:51,642 FOR YEARS, THE FORMER PRESIDENT HAS BEEN DESPERATE TO PREVENT 126 00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:53,853 PROSECUTORS FROM GETTING THEIR HANDS ON ANY DOCUMENTS THAT 127 00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:54,687 MIGHT GET HIM IN LEGAL TROUBLE. 128 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,272 SO... ANY DOCUMENTS. 129 00:05:56,355 --> 00:05:57,732 BUT TODAY, THE HIGH COURT RULED THAT HE HAD TO HAND OVER HIS 130 00:05:57,815 --> 00:05:59,442 FINANCIAL HISTORY TO THE MANHATTAN D.A., WHO'S BEEN 131 00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:03,529 CONDUCTING A CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION THAT COULD LEAD TO 132 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:06,991 CONSPIRACY FRAUD CHARGES, WHICH ARE B FELONIES. 133 00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:07,617 GOOD. 134 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:10,453 'CAUSE HE "B" A FELON. 135 00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:13,498 GIVEN THE POTENTIAL CHARGES, THE FORMER PRESIDENT COULD BE SENT 136 00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,249 TO JAIL IF CONVICTED. 137 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:19,504 I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT ALL PLAY OUT IN THE NEW NETFLIX SERIES 138 00:06:19,587 --> 00:06:23,508 "ORANGE IS THE NEW ORANGE." 139 00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:27,512 NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE EXACT CHARGES RELATED TO THE FAMILY 140 00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:30,640 BUSINESS ARE YET, BUT THEY COULD IMPLICATE COMPANY EXECUTIVES DON 141 00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:31,140 JR. AND ERIC. 142 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:34,268 (AS ERIC) "DAD! 143 00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:35,478 THE JUDGE SAYS WE GET TO HAVE A SLEEPOVER! 144 00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:39,482 FOR 10 YEARS! 145 00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:43,486 I CALL TOP BUNK! 146 00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:49,492 I'M GONNA MAKE TOILET HOOCH!" IT'S OKAY IF YOU HAVE TO SHIV 147 00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:50,493 ME. 148 00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:52,453 ( LAUGHTER ) IN RESPONSE, THE FORMER 149 00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:53,538 PRESIDENT CALLED IT A "FISHING EXPEDITION." 150 00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:54,455 (AS ERIC) "DAD, WE'RE GOING FISHING, TOO! 151 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:59,502 JUST LIKE IN THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW!" 152 00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:12,598 (WHISTLES BADLY) I THINK I'M DOING MYSELF 153 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:17,520 PERIODONTAL DAMAGE WHEN I DO THAT 154 00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:19,814 WHEN ASKED WHETHER THIS WAS A SO-CALLED FISHING EXPEDITION, 155 00:07:19,897 --> 00:07:20,815 THE MANHATTAN D.A. RESPONDED: >> YOU'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER 156 00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:22,316 BOAT. 157 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,526 >> STEPHEN: THINGS CONTINUE TO BE ROUGH DOWN IN TEXAS. 158 00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:24,861 LAST WEEK, THE LONE STAR STATE WAS HIT BY A FREAK WINTER STORM 159 00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:27,572 THAT KNOCKED OUT POWER. 160 00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:29,991 MILLIONS OF TEXANS ARE STILL WITHOUT RUNNING WATER, AND THERE 161 00:07:30,074 --> 00:07:33,703 ARE FOOD SHORTAGES ACROSS THE STATE. 162 00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:35,746 IF YOU'RE LOOKING TO HELP, AND I KNOW YOU ARE, WE HAVE SOME 163 00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:38,749 SUGGESTED CHARITIES YOU CAN DONATE TO. 164 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:45,548 JUST HEAD OVER TO COLBERTLATESHOW.COM 165 00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:46,215 /TEXAS. 166 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:49,385 AND PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY. 167 00:07:49,468 --> 00:07:51,053 NOW, THIS MIGHT SHOCK YOU, BUT THERE ARE STATES BESIDES TEXAS 168 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:52,054 THAT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE PHENOMENON OF WINTER. 169 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:52,555 IT'S TRUE. 170 00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:53,890 YOU CAN LOOK IT UP. 171 00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:57,852 SO, WHY DID THEY LOSE POWER AND WATER AND HEAT? 172 00:07:57,935 --> 00:07:59,937 IN TEXAS, ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE DEPENDENT UPON THEIR 173 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:03,733 ELECTRICAL GRID, AND IN AN EFFORT TO AVOID FEDERAL 174 00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:07,945 REGULATION, TEXAS IS THE ONLY STATE IN THE CONTINENTAL UNITED 175 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:13,743 STATES TO OPERATE ITS OWN GRID. 176 00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:15,620 WELL, TEXANS LIKE TO HAVE THEIR OWN STUFF: GRIDS, TOASTS, AND 177 00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:19,040 CHAINSAW MASSACRES. 178 00:08:19,123 --> 00:08:21,584 IN ADDITION, TEXAS IS A FAN OF EXTREME CAPITALISM, SO THEY 179 00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:23,794 HANDED THEIR GRID OVER TO THE INVISIBLE HAND OF THE MARKET. 180 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:27,632 MEANING THAT ANYTIME THERE'S A LACK OF SUPPLY AND A HUGE 181 00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:31,636 DEMAND, PRICES SKYROCKET. 182 00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:32,887 OUT OF CONTROL. 183 00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:36,098 SO, LAST WEEK, IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS ARCTIC BLAST, ELECTRICITY 184 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:39,644 IN TEXAS APPROACHED $9,000 PER MEGAWATT/HOUR. 185 00:08:39,727 --> 00:08:43,648 WHICH IS AN INCREASE OF 180 TIMES THE AVERAGE RATE BEFORE 186 00:08:43,731 --> 00:08:46,275 THE STORM. 187 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:50,655 ONE MAN WAS STUCK WITH A $16,752 ELECTRIC BILL. 188 00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:52,114 TO WHICH AMERICA'S FATHERS REPLIED, "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS 189 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,618 WHEN YOU PUSH THE THERMOSTAT ABOVE 66! 190 00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,828 I'M PUTTING SOME TAPE ON IT! 191 00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:58,746 I'M TAPING IT DOWN! 192 00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:03,918 WE'RE NOT HEATING THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD! 193 00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:10,091 SO, CLEARLY, THE SYSTEM IS VERY BAD FOR THE PEOPLE, BUT VERY 194 00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:11,467 GOOD FOR THE ENERGY COMPANIES, SOME OF WHICH EARNED MORE PROFIT 195 00:09:11,550 --> 00:09:12,343 ON MONDAY AND TUESDAY ALONE THAN THEY WOULD HAVE GAINED 196 00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:15,596 THROUGH AN ENTIRE YEAR OF NORMAL OPERATION. 197 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:18,099 AS ONE ENERGY COMPANY SPOKESMAN EXPLAINED, "GOLD! 198 00:09:18,182 --> 00:09:18,641 GOLD! 199 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:19,684 I'M RICH, I TELL YOU. 200 00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:25,690 GOLD!" SO, IT'S NO WONDER TEXAS POWER 201 00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:32,947 COMPANIES DID NOT PREPARE FOR THIS DISASTER, EVEN THOUGH 202 00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:34,282 BACK IN 2011, FEDERAL REGULATORS WARNED TEXAS THAT ITS POWER 203 00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:35,741 PLANTS COULDN'T BE COUNTED ON TO RELIABLY CHURN OUT ELECTRICITY 204 00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,827 IN BITTERLY COLD CONDITIONS. 205 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:38,703 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, "THOSE WHO FAIL TO LEARN FROM 206 00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:42,623 HISTORY WERE PROBABLY EDUCATED IN TEXAS." 207 00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:46,669 THAT WARNING CAME FROM THE FEDERAL ENERGY REGULATORY 208 00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:47,670 COMMISSION OR "FERC." 209 00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:51,841 NO ONE LISTENED, AND NOW, "ERMEGERD. 210 00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:55,136 TEXAS IS FERC'D." 211 00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:57,138 THE GUY IN CHARGE OF THE LONE STAR STATE BACK THEN WAS FORMER 212 00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:59,682 TEXAS GOVERNOR AND MAN WONDERING WHAT HAPPENS TO THE SUN AT 213 00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:02,685 NIGHT, RICK PERRY. 214 00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:07,690 LAST WEEK, PERRY DEFENDED HIS STATE'S LUDICROUS ENERGY SETUP, 215 00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,942 SAYING, "TEXANS WOULD BE WITHOUT ELECTRICITY FOR LONGER THAN 216 00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:11,694 THREE DAYS TO KEEP THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OUT OF THEIR 217 00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:14,363 BUSINESS." 218 00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:17,366 THAT STATEMENT WAS SO DUMB, RICK PERRY IMMEDIATELY TRIED TO MAKE 219 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,910 HIMSELF SEEM SMARTER BY WEARING A SECOND PAIR OF GLASSES. 220 00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:24,206 OF COURSE, THERE'S ONE GUY IN TEXAS GIVING RICK PERRY A RUN 221 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:27,710 FOR HIS DUMMY: SENATOR AND MAN WHOSE FACE WAS SEIZED BY AN 222 00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:31,005 ANGRY MOB, THEN TARRED AND PUBED, TED CRUZ. 223 00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:34,383 AT THE HEIGHT OF THE CRISIS LAST WEEK, FOLKS ON SOCIAL MEDIA 224 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:38,888 SPOTTED TED CRUZ BOARDING A FLIGHT TO CANCUN. 225 00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:40,014 'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, "WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, TED 226 00:10:40,097 --> 00:10:42,099 CRUZ GETS GONE." 227 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:43,976 THE SENATOR GOT A LOT OF CRITICISM, SO HE IMMEDIATELY 228 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:47,063 SWALLOWED HIS PRIDE, PULLED HIMSELF UP BY HIS OWN 229 00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:51,025 BOOTSTRAPS, AND THREW HIS DAUGHTERS UNDER A BUS: 230 00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:54,070 "WITH SCHOOL CANCELED FOR THE WEEK, OUR GIRLS ASKED TO TAKE A 231 00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:55,738 TRIP WITH FRIENDS. 232 00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:58,949 WANTING TO BE A GOOD DAD, I FLEW DOWN WITH THEM LAST NIGHT AND AM 233 00:10:59,033 --> 00:10:59,700 FLYING BACK THIS AFTERNOON." 234 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:01,410 SEE? 235 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,245 HE WAS JUST BEING A GOOD DAD. 236 00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:06,040 UNLIKE ALL THOSE TERRIBLE FATHERS WHO WERE HUDDLING WITH 237 00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:07,083 THEIR KIDS FOR WARMTH. 238 00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:11,754 REMINDS ME OF F.D.R.'S FAMOUS SPEECH: 239 00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:16,634 >> DECEMBER 7, 1941, A DAY THAT WAS MY DAUGHTER ANNA'S FAULT! 240 00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:19,261 COME ON, HONEY, WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME THE JAPANESE WERE 241 00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:19,762 COMING?! 242 00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:23,766 YOU'RE GROUNDED! 243 00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:26,769 >> STEPHEN: TURNS OUT, IT WASN'T ONLY COWARDLY, IT WAS A LIE. 244 00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:31,232 BECAUSE ACCORDING TO A LEAK FROM UNITED AIRLINES, CRUZ WAS 245 00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:34,151 INITIALLY BOOKED TO RETURN HOME SATURDAY AND HE BOOKED HIS 246 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:35,611 RETURN TICKET AT 6:00 A.M. 247 00:11:35,694 --> 00:11:36,237 THURSDAY. 248 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:37,822 OH, THAT'S EMBARRASSING. 249 00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:40,116 PLUS, HE WAS IN COACH, SO THEY CHARGED HIM $25 TO CHECK HIS 250 00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:43,411 DOUCHE-BAG. 251 00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:47,164 AS PART OF THE FALLOUT, UNITED IS INVESTIGATING THE FLIGHT INFO 252 00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:47,790 LEAK. 253 00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:50,292 THAT'S GOING TO BE TRICKY. 254 00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:51,794 "OKAY, WHO WOULD HAVE LEAKED THIS? 255 00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:53,421 WHO HATES TED CRUZ? 256 00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:58,676 OKAY, IS THERE ANY WAY TO NARROW THAT DOWN?" 257 00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:02,096 AFTER TED FLEW BACK TO TEXAS, HE DECIDED TO FESS UP TO THE 258 00:12:02,179 --> 00:12:03,806 REPORTERS: >> I STARTED HAVING SECOND 259 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:07,810 THOUGHTS ALMOST THE MOMENT I SAT DOWN ON THE PLANE. 260 00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:13,816 LEAVING WHEN SO MANY TEXANS WERE HURTING DIDN'T FEEL RIGHT, SO I 261 00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:16,110 CHANGED MY RETURN FLIGHT AND FLEW BACK ON THE FIRST AVAILABLE 262 00:12:16,193 --> 00:12:19,071 FLIGHT I COULD TAKE. 263 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:23,826 >> STEPHEN: TOO LATE, YOU ALREADY DID THE BAD THING, AND 264 00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:25,870 WE KNOW YOU LIED ABOUT IT! 265 00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:29,331 IT'S LIKE AN OLD TIMEY VILLAIN GOING, "YOU KNOW, TYING THAT 266 00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:32,042 DAMSEL TO THE TRAIN TRACKS JUST DIDN'T FEEL RIGHT. 267 00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:35,838 SO I TOOK THE FIRST TRAIN BACK AFTER THE ACCIDENT SO I COULD BE 268 00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:39,842 HERE FOR THE GRIEVING FAMILY. 269 00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:47,850 WHICH BOX HAS THE HEAD?" IN TYPICAL TED CRUZ FASHION, 270 00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:51,187 EVERY DETAIL THAT COMES OUT OF THIS STORY IS MORE TED CRUZ-IER 271 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,396 THAN THE LAST ONE. 272 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,858 FOR EXAMPLE, SENATOR TED CRUZ FAILED TO MENTION HIS COLLEGE 273 00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:59,028 ROOMMATE ALSO WAS ALONG FOR THE VISIT. 274 00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:02,031 I GOT TO SAY, THAT MAKES THE "I WAS JUST ESCORTING MY KIDS" 275 00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:03,199 EXCUSE SOUND REALLY WEIRD. 276 00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,075 (AS TED) "HEY, YOU WANNA FLY DOWN TO 277 00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:06,535 MEXICO FOR SOME FUN? 278 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:07,369 ALSO, I HAVE TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY, CAN YOU WATCH MY 279 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:08,704 KIDS? 280 00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:14,126 ONE MARGARITA APIECE!" IT GETS WORSE, BECAUSE AFTER 281 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:18,255 CRUZ RETURNED, WE FOUND OUT HE LEFT HIS DOG BEHIND. 282 00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:19,882 NOW, BEFORE YOU FEEL SAD FOR THE DOG, REMEMBER, HE GOT TO SPEND 283 00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:23,552 TWO DAYS AWAY FROM TED CRUZ. 284 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,262 BUT UNITED AIRLINES HAS BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN WHO RATTED OUT TED 285 00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,890 CRUZ, AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN THE LATEST 286 00:13:27,973 --> 00:13:31,894 INSTALLMENT OF MY BELOVED SEGMENT, "KEEP IN MIND, 287 00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:35,898 EVERYONE'S FINE." 288 00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:37,149 >> I'M OKAY. 289 00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:40,110 >> STEPHEN: REMEMBER, BEFORE YOU WATCH THE FOOTAGE I'M ABOUT TO 290 00:13:40,194 --> 00:13:43,572 SHOW YOU, KEEP IN MIND: EVERYONE'S FINE. 291 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,283 SHORTLY AFTER TAKEOFF ON A UNITED FLIGHT FROM DENVER TO 292 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:51,997 HONOLULU, A PASSENGER SHOT THIS VIDEO OF-- 293 00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:53,749 OH, MY GOD! 294 00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:55,125 OH, MY GOD! 295 00:13:55,209 --> 00:14:00,130 NOW THAT IS A GOOD REASON TO USE FLIGHT ATTENDANT CALL BUTTON. 296 00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:02,466 "UH, EXCUSE ME, I'M NOT A PILOT, AND I'M SURE THIS IS A DUMB 297 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:07,972 QUESTION, BUT THAT ENGINE THAT'S ON FIRE-- IS THAT OUR ENGINE? 298 00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:09,723 THE ONE KEEPING US IN THE AIR? 299 00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:12,017 QUICK FOLLOW-UP QUESTION: YOU'RE STILL BRINGING THE DRINK CART 300 00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:15,938 AROUND, RIGHT?" NOW, KEEP IN MIND: EVERYONE'S 301 00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:17,398 FINE. 302 00:14:17,481 --> 00:14:19,942 AFTER THE ENGINE BLEW UP AND GOT ALL FLAMEY, PILOTS ISSUED A 303 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:22,611 MAYDAY, TURNED AROUND AND LANDED SAFELY BACK IN DENVER. 304 00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,905 BUT PEOPLE ON THE GROUND GOT A SCARE, TOO, BECAUSE DEBRIS 305 00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:27,741 RAINED DOWN ON A SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD. 306 00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:28,617 WOW. 307 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:31,120 NOW, I'M ASSUMING THAT FELL OFF THE PLANE. 308 00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:36,792 UNLESS THE MIDDLE "O" FELL OUT OF "COLORADO." 309 00:14:36,875 --> 00:14:38,627 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 310 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:39,295 MY GUEST IS BILL GATES. 311 00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:40,421 BUT WHEN WE RETURN, "MEANWHILE." 312 00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:43,966 STICK AROUND. 313 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:48,053 ♪♪♪ 314 00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:12,995 ♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 315 00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:16,999 WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW." 316 00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:20,002 LET'S CHECK IN WITH MY FRIEND AND YOURS, THE FUTURE, THE SOUND 317 00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:22,004 OF AMERICA, MR. JON BATISTE. 318 00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:23,005 JON, HOW ARE YOU? 319 00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:25,883 >> Jon: I'M WELL. 320 00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:27,134 WHO WAS YOUR WEEKEND? 321 00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:29,011 >> Stephen: IT WAS FINE. 322 00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:30,512 IT RAINED BUT EVERYTHING WAS GREAT. 323 00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:33,390 HEY, I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT YOUR WEEKEND. 324 00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:38,145 YOU DID THIS THING WHERE YOU'RE HELPING TO POWER UP NEW YORK'S 325 00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:39,355 ART SCENE AGAIN. 326 00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:40,648 I READ ABOUT THIS IN "THE WASHINGTON POST." 327 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:43,233 WHAT DID Y'ALL DO THIS WEEKEND? 328 00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:47,529 >> WE PLAYED AT THE JAVITS CENTER FOR THE ESSENTIAL 329 00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:48,697 WORKERS. 330 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:59,917 THE BAND AND I AND TAP DANCERS AND PLAYERS PLAYED FOR THE 331 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,877 WORKERS GIVING THE VACCINES. 332 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:06,674 IT'S PART OF A 100-DAY FESTIVAL GOVERNOR CUOMO CALLED US TO BE A 333 00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:09,968 PART OF, AND I'M GOING TO BE POPPING UP AS WELL AS OTHER 334 00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,054 GREAT ARTISTS AND MUSICIANS. 335 00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:15,557 >> Stephen: COUNTER TENOR, THAT'S SUPER HIGH, RIGHT? 336 00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:16,558 >> Jon: VERY HIGH. 337 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:19,144 >> Stephen: HOW HIGH CAN A COUNTERTENOR HIT? 338 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:20,229 GIVE ME THE NOTE THERE. 339 00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:32,950 >> Jon: COUNTER TENOR IS PROBABLY SOMEWHERE -- OOOH, 340 00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:34,910 OOOH. 341 00:16:34,993 --> 00:16:39,998 THAT'S THE HIGHEST RANGE, THE D-A. 342 00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:40,708 AAAHHH! 343 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,918 LET ME HEAR YOU. 344 00:16:43,001 --> 00:16:44,962 >> Stephen: AAAHHH! 345 00:16:45,045 --> 00:16:45,963 AAAHHH! 346 00:16:46,046 --> 00:16:48,215 >> Jon: THAT'S ALSO A TAMBER YOU GOT. 347 00:16:48,298 --> 00:16:52,302 >> Stephen: THAT'S MY COUNTER TAM BEER. 348 00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:55,973 ♪♪♪ JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY. 349 00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:57,975 ♪♪♪ >> Stephen: FOLKS, I SPEND A 350 00:16:58,058 --> 00:17:01,979 LOT OF MY TIME HEWING THE FINEST TOPICAL NEWS 351 00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:05,399 STONES FROM THE NEARBY INFORMATION QUARRY, HIRING THE 352 00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:06,775 MOST CUTTING EDGE ARCHITECTS TO EMPLOY A COMPLEX SERIES OF RAMPS 353 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:10,028 AND PULLEYS TO DELICATELY DEPOSIT THEM WITH INCH-PERFECT 354 00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:13,991 PRECISION TO CREATE FOR YOU THE EPIC, AWE-INSPIRING PYRAMID OF 355 00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:20,080 KUFU THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 356 00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:21,957 BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES I LIKE TO GRAB A RUSTY SHOVEL, DIG A 357 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:25,127 HOLE IN A CULVERT, FILL IT WITH ROADKILL BONES, OLD BICYCLES, 358 00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:29,006 AND YESTERDAYS COFFEE GRINDS, THEN TOP IT OFF WITH SOME USED 359 00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:32,468 CAT LITTER, POWDERED LIME, AND QUICK DRYING CONCRETE TO SEAL 360 00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:37,139 THE RAMSHACKLE BURIAL CHAMBER OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: 361 00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:45,189 "QUARANTINE-WHILE!" QUARANTINE-WHILE, "THE WORLD'S 362 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:53,155 FIRST 3-D-PRINTED RIB-EYE HAS BEEN UNVEILED." 363 00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:55,282 MMM. 364 00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:58,327 THAT SURE LOOKS... LIKE A COMPUTER'S IDEA OF MEAT. 365 00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:05,292 I ALWAYS ASK THE WAITER "IS THE STEAK DAMP TONIGHT? 366 00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:09,171 HOW DAMP IS IT?" THE PROCESS INVOLVES "GROWING 367 00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:16,720 MEAT TISSUES FROM PUNCH BIOPSIES FROM LIVE OR SLAUGHTERED 368 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:20,182 ANIMALS," THEN "PRINTING LIVING CELLS THAT ARE INCUBATED ON A 369 00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:25,187 PLANT-BASED MATRIX TO GROW" WHAT SOME CALL "ALT-MEAT." 370 00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:29,191 NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE UNDERGROUND BEEFCAKE MAG I POSE 371 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:34,029 FOR AS MY SIDE HUSTLE. 372 00:18:34,112 --> 00:18:35,197 IT'LL BE A WHILE BEFORE YOU CAN BUY THE STEAKS, BECAUSE 373 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:39,368 ACCORDING TO REPORTS "THE U.S.D.A. AND F.D.A. DON'T YET 374 00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:45,207 HAVE A REGULATORY FRAMEWORK TO BRING IT TO MARKET." 375 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:49,253 WHICH IS LEGAL-SPEAK FOR "WE DON'T KNOW -- 376 00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:53,215 ( LAUGHTER ) -- WHICH IS LEGAL-SPEAK FOR WHAT 377 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,217 IS THAT?! 378 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:58,554 I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS! 379 00:18:58,637 --> 00:18:59,346 KILL IT! 380 00:18:59,429 --> 00:19:01,265 KILL IT WITH FIRE! 381 00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:03,684 AND THEN GIVE ME A SLICE." 382 00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:06,436 QUARANTINE-WHILE, BLIZZCON, THE ANNUAL GAMING CONVENTION, WA 383 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:11,358 -- PEOPLE KNOW WHAT BLIZCON IS, THAT'S PATRONIZING -- WAS 384 00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:15,362 HELD OVER THE WEEKEND, AND THEY BOOKED METALLICA TO PLAY. 385 00:19:15,445 --> 00:19:17,906 JUST ONE PROBLEM: WHILE BLIZZARD CLEARED THE RIGHTS TO STREAM 386 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,033 THEIR MUSIC, THE HOSTING PLATFORM, TWITCH, DIDN'T, AND 387 00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:21,243 PARTWAY THROUGH THE SONG THEY PANICKED AND SWITCHED THE MUSIC. 388 00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:23,412 IT'S SUBTLE. 389 00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:25,330 SEE IF YOU CAN SPOT THE MOMENT IT HAPPENS. 390 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:36,133 ♪♪♪ (MUSIC ABRUPTLY CHANGES) 391 00:19:36,216 --> 00:19:41,263 ♪♪♪ (MUSIC ABRUPTLY CHANGES) 392 00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:44,266 OOOH! 393 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:47,311 GIRL, ARE YOU DELIVERING FOOD IN NEW YORK, BECAUSE THAT WAS 394 00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:49,438 SEAMLESS! 395 00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:49,938 MUAH! 396 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:53,275 BUT I CAN SYMPATHIZE. 397 00:19:53,358 --> 00:19:57,279 I JUST HAD METALLICA ON MY SHOW TWO WEEKS AGO, AND CBS FORGOT TO 398 00:19:57,362 --> 00:20:01,325 CLEAR "ENTER SANDMAN" SO THEY HAD TO SCRAMBLE TO SUB IN THE 399 00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:13,295 CLOSEST THING THEY COULD FIND: ( ENTER SANDMAN ) 400 00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:17,299 ♪♪♪ ( BAG TYPES ) 401 00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:24,306 ♪♪♪ OH, MY. 402 00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:25,432 OH, MY. 403 00:20:25,515 --> 00:20:27,601 OH, MY. 404 00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:28,810 YEAH. 405 00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,354 QUARANTINE-WHILE, A GUY CALLED -- QUARANTINE WHILE, THERE'S BIG 406 00:20:30,437 --> 00:20:31,438 NEWS FOR PEOPLE WITH BIG EARS BECAUSE 407 00:20:31,521 --> 00:20:34,983 BARACK OBAMA AND BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN ANNOUNCED A NEW 408 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:43,951 PODCAST CALLED "RENEGADES: BORN IN THE U.S.A." 409 00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:44,826 WHICH IS A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS. 410 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:45,535 WERE THEY REALLY BOTH BORN IN THE U.S.A.? 411 00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:46,536 SPRINGSTEEN LOOKS KENYAN TO ME. 412 00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:47,621 RELEASE YOUR LONG-FORM BIRTH CERTIFICATE, BRUCE! 413 00:20:47,704 --> 00:20:48,830 I'M EXCITED ABOUT THIS, PARTIALLY BECAUSE IT'LL BE A 414 00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:49,998 FASCINATING CONVERSATION ETWEEN TWO AMERICAN ICONS, BUT MOSTLY 415 00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,501 BECAUSE OF THE PART OF EVERY PODCAST WHERE THE HOST HAS TO 416 00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:54,211 START PLUGGING THEIR SPONSORS. 417 00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:56,588 I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR BRUCE GIVE IT A GO. 418 00:20:56,672 --> 00:21:00,384 ♪ HEY LITTLE GIRL IS YOUR DADDY HOME ♪ 419 00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:05,055 ♪ DID HE GO TO THE POST-OFFICE AND LEAVE YOU ALONE ♪ 420 00:21:05,138 --> 00:21:09,851 ♪ OH TELL YOUR MOM ♪ ♪ OH STAMPS.com ♪ 421 00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:14,147 BACK WITH BILL GATES! 422 00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:29,329 ♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 423 00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:30,914 WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW." 424 00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:36,378 JOINING ME NOW IS THE CO-CHAIR OF THE BILL AND MELINDA GATES 425 00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:37,671 FOUNDATION WHO'S WRITTEN A NEW BOOK CALLED "HOW TO AVOID A 426 00:21:37,754 --> 00:21:40,716 CLIMATE DISASTER." 427 00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:41,591 PLEASE WELCOME, BILL GATES! 428 00:21:41,675 --> 00:21:44,052 BIGOT, THANKS FOR BEING HERE! 429 00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:45,262 >> YOU GOT IT! 430 00:21:45,345 --> 00:21:49,266 >> Stephen: NOW, WE'RE GOING TO GET TO CLIMATE AND HOW TO 431 00:21:49,349 --> 00:21:53,854 AVOID THE AT THIS SISTER AND ALL THE AMAZING THINGS B THAT YOU 432 00:21:53,937 --> 00:21:55,522 AND MELINDA DO AND THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR EFFORTS, BUT THE REASON 433 00:21:55,605 --> 00:21:58,942 YOU CAN DO ALL THOSE THINGS IS THAT YOU'RE REALLY, REALLY, 434 00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:00,277 REALLY RICH. 435 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:02,738 AND, SO, I WANT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION THAT I'VE INTERVIEWED 436 00:22:02,821 --> 00:22:05,532 YOU MANY TIMES BUT I'VE NEVER ASKED YOU THE QUESTION AND IT'S 437 00:22:05,615 --> 00:22:09,703 ALWAYS BEEN IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD AND EVERYBODY'S HEAD, WHAT 438 00:22:09,786 --> 00:22:13,081 DOES IT FEEL LIKE WHEN YOU BECOME THE RICHEST MAN IN THE 439 00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:13,749 WORLD? 440 00:22:13,832 --> 00:22:14,750 IS THAT A GOOD FEELING? 441 00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:17,586 >> WELL, THERE'S A RESPONSIBILITY TO GIVE THAT 442 00:22:17,669 --> 00:22:19,463 MONEY BACK IN A SMART WAY. 443 00:22:19,546 --> 00:22:22,549 >> Stephen: NOT EVERYBODY FEELS THAT RESPONSIBILITY, 444 00:22:22,632 --> 00:22:23,967 THOUGH. 445 00:22:24,051 --> 00:22:26,094 SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT'S NOT ENOUGH MONEY, GIVE ME MORE. 446 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:31,349 WELL, IT WAS GRATIFYING THE DREAM OF SOFTWARE THAT I HAD 447 00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:41,401 BASICALLY CAME TRUE, AND NOW I GET TO GIVE IT AWAY. 448 00:22:41,485 --> 00:22:44,780 >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A 400-FOOT RACING BOAT THAT HOVERS 449 00:22:44,863 --> 00:22:49,367 ON LITTLE SKIS AND GOES AROUND THE WORLD, LIKE SUPER CRAZY RICH 450 00:22:49,451 --> 00:22:50,827 GUY STUFF? 451 00:22:50,911 --> 00:22:55,290 >> I OWN A Da VINCI NOTEBOOK, WHICH THAT'S PRETTY COOL. 452 00:22:55,373 --> 00:22:58,335 >> Stephen: DING, DING, DING, DING, DING! 453 00:22:58,418 --> 00:22:59,461 THE JUDGES! 454 00:22:59,544 --> 00:23:02,464 YES, YES! 455 00:23:02,547 --> 00:23:06,134 LAST QUESTION ON THIS AND WE'LL MOVE ON TO THE GOOD STUFF. 456 00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:10,972 IN 2008, WHEN YOU WERE NO LONGER THE RICHEST MAN IN THE WORLD, 457 00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:15,018 WHEN WARREN BUFFETT SNAKED IT AWAY FROM YOU, DID IT STING AT 458 00:23:15,102 --> 00:23:16,520 ALL? 459 00:23:16,603 --> 00:23:19,523 >> OH, NO, WARREN'S ALSO A HUGE CONTRIBUTOR TO THE GIVING OF THE 460 00:23:19,606 --> 00:23:21,650 GATES FOUNDATION AND A VERY GOOD FRIEND OF MINE. 461 00:23:21,733 --> 00:23:22,484 >> Stephen: OKAY, OKAY. 462 00:23:22,567 --> 00:23:24,611 O -- >> Stephen: BUT YOU GOT IT 463 00:23:24,694 --> 00:23:25,821 BACK IN 2009. 464 00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:27,489 YOU WERE THE RICHEST MAN IN THE WORLD AGAIN. 465 00:23:27,572 --> 00:23:30,492 AND THE THE NEXT YEAR CARLOS SLIM COMES IN. 466 00:23:30,575 --> 00:23:34,538 DON'T TELL ME I'M BIG BUDDIES WITH CARLOS SLIM. 467 00:23:34,621 --> 00:23:37,040 THAT HAD TO STING A LITTLE BIT. 468 00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:38,500 YOU'RE A COMPETITIVE GUY. 469 00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:41,670 >> YOU KNOW, THE REASON I SHOULD DROP ON THE LIST CONTINUOUSLY 470 00:23:41,753 --> 00:23:44,506 BECAUSE OF GIVING MONEY AWAY AND, YOU KNOW, SOME DAY I WON'T 471 00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:46,550 BE ON THE LIST AT ALL. 472 00:23:46,633 --> 00:23:47,134 >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT. 473 00:23:47,217 --> 00:23:49,219 ALL RIGHT. 474 00:23:49,302 --> 00:23:50,262 WHAT DO YOU SAY? 475 00:23:50,345 --> 00:23:53,682 I CAN HELP YOU WITH GIVING THAT MONEY STUFF AWAY. 476 00:23:53,765 --> 00:23:56,518 I'M RIGHT HERE, AND I'M SUPER GOOD, GENEROUS GUY, TOO. 477 00:23:56,601 --> 00:24:01,648 THINK OF ME AS A FUNNEL, A FUNNEL! 478 00:24:01,731 --> 00:24:05,402 DADDY JUST TAKES A LITTLE OFF THE TOP, GETS HIS BEAK WET, AND 479 00:24:05,485 --> 00:24:06,611 ALL THE PEOPLE I'LL HELP, YOU WILL LOVE IT. 480 00:24:06,695 --> 00:24:12,200 THIS IS THE SECOND TIME YOU AND I HAVE SPOKEN DURING COVID. 481 00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:13,577 WHICH I CAN'T BELIEVE. 482 00:24:13,660 --> 00:24:16,538 EITHER YOU AND I TALK A LOT OR COVID HAS GONE ON A LONG TIME, 483 00:24:16,621 --> 00:24:18,039 AND I THINK IT'S THE SECOND ONE. 484 00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:22,335 YOU SAID BACK THEN THAT BASICALLY THIS IS GOING TO BE -- 485 00:24:22,419 --> 00:24:25,505 THE TIMELINE IS ALL GOING TO BE BASED ON DEVELOPMENT AND 486 00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:27,424 DISTRIBUTION OF VACCINES. 487 00:24:27,507 --> 00:24:29,050 WE'VE GOT THEM NOW. 488 00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:31,511 WHAT'S THE TIMELINE FOR GOING BACK TO NORMAL, IF YOUR MIND? 489 00:24:31,595 --> 00:24:39,352 >> WELL, IT'S REALLY PHENOMENAL WHAT THE VACCINE COMPANIES HAVE 490 00:24:39,436 --> 00:24:41,521 DONE, AND, YOU KNOW, WE'RE STILL SUPPLY LIMITED, THE LOGISTICS 491 00:24:41,605 --> 00:24:47,235 ARE STILL GETTING WORKED UP, BUT CERTAINLY BY SUMMER WE WILL BE 492 00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:51,698 DEMAND LIMITED AND WE SHOULD GET TRUST THE VACCINE, WE'LL GET TO 493 00:24:51,781 --> 00:24:56,244 A LEVEL WHERE OUR FALL WILL BE PRETTY NORMAL. 494 00:24:56,328 --> 00:25:01,625 MAYBE SOME MASKS, MAYBE NOT BIG PUBLIC EVENTS, BUT ALL THE 495 00:25:01,708 --> 00:25:09,549 SCHOOLS, RESTAURANTS AT SOME LEVEL, FALL WILL BE 496 00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:11,384 COMPARATIVELY NORMAL. 497 00:25:11,468 --> 00:25:13,303 >> Stephen: HALLOWEEN PARTIES? 498 00:25:13,386 --> 00:25:14,346 THAT'S ON THE MARGIN. 499 00:25:14,429 --> 00:25:17,641 IF YOU LIKE, SOCIAL DISTANCING STILL AT THAT POINT. 500 00:25:17,724 --> 00:25:19,935 >> Stephen: YOU SAID THERE ARE PROBLEMS WITH INFRASTRUCTURE, 501 00:25:20,018 --> 00:25:23,480 GETTING THE SUPPLY CHAIN GOING, CERTAINLY THERE WERE WEATHER 502 00:25:23,563 --> 00:25:26,566 PROBLEMS LAST WEEK, WITH THE BIG BLIZZARDS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE 503 00:25:26,650 --> 00:25:30,654 COUNTRY GETTING IT OUT TO PEOPLE, AND, ALSO, ANTI-VAXXERS, 504 00:25:30,737 --> 00:25:34,574 PEOPLE WHO ARE SAYING -- A GUY LITERALLY BUTTON HOLED ME IN THE 505 00:25:34,658 --> 00:25:37,494 PARKING LOT OF MY GROCERY STORE THE OTHER DAY AND SAID I'VE GOT 506 00:25:37,577 --> 00:25:42,290 TO SEND YOU DOCUMENTARIES ABOUT BILL GATES, DON'T TAKE THOSE 507 00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:43,291 VACCINES. 508 00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:44,501 I SAID, I'M GOING TO TAKE THE VACCINE. 509 00:25:44,584 --> 00:25:47,504 IF HE PUTS A CHIP IN ME AND CONTROLS MY BODY, THAT'S FINE, I 510 00:25:47,587 --> 00:25:50,298 JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO HUG MY INLAWS. 511 00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:52,759 SO WHAT CAN BE DONE TO CONVINCE PEOPLE, IN YOUR MIND, THAT THE 512 00:25:52,842 --> 00:25:58,306 VACCINE IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO AND DOES IT INVOLVE AT ALL 513 00:25:58,390 --> 00:26:11,152 TALKING TO SULTANS, WHICH YOU DID IN SUB-SAHARAN AFRICA TO GET 514 00:26:11,236 --> 00:26:13,613 PEOPLE TO TAKE THE POLIO VACCINE. 515 00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:18,535 >> THE RUMORS WERE THAT WAS TO STERILE ITS WOMEN. 516 00:26:18,618 --> 00:26:22,330 THE RULER MET WITH ME, IT WAS QUITE SOMETHING TO GO TO HIS 517 00:26:22,414 --> 00:26:25,875 PALACE, BUT HE PERSONALLY HAD HIS KIDS TAKE THE VACCINE, AND 518 00:26:25,959 --> 00:26:29,546 HAD ALL OF THE OTHER RELIGIOUS LEADERS, AND, SO, THAT MADE A 519 00:26:29,629 --> 00:26:31,006 HUGE DIFFERENCE. 520 00:26:31,089 --> 00:26:33,675 AND, SO, WE WERE ABLE TO ANNOUNCE THAT, WHILE POLIO WAS 521 00:26:33,758 --> 00:26:38,471 COMPLETELY GONE FROM AFRICA LAST YEAR, WE'RE DOWN TO TWO 522 00:26:38,555 --> 00:26:41,641 COUNTRIES, AND GETTING THESE MESSAGES OUT, YOU NEED TO FIGURE 523 00:26:41,725 --> 00:26:46,563 OUT WHO PEOPLE TRUST, THAT THEY'LL FOLLOW, YOU KNOW, AND 524 00:26:46,646 --> 00:26:51,651 WHETHER IT'S PEOPLE OF COLOR OR VARIOUS RELIGIOUS GROUPS. 525 00:26:51,735 --> 00:26:55,030 WE SOMEHOW NEED TO GET THE WORD OUT, THIS IS QUITE AN AMAZING 526 00:26:55,113 --> 00:26:57,699 VACCINE THAT HELPS EVERYONE. 527 00:26:57,782 --> 00:27:02,871 >> Stephen: YOU WANT A TEAM OF PANDEMIC FIREFIGHTERS IN THE 528 00:27:02,954 --> 00:27:03,455 FUTURE. 529 00:27:03,538 --> 00:27:04,664 WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? 530 00:27:04,748 --> 00:27:08,877 >> WELL, WHEN SOMETHING LIKE THIS HITS YOU NEED PEOPLE WHOSE 531 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,671 SKILLS OF TRACKING INFECTIOUS DISEASE AND THE VARIANTS AND THE 532 00:27:11,755 --> 00:27:15,759 NUMBERS THAT THEY ARE TOTALLY UP TO DATE AND READY TO GO. 533 00:27:15,842 --> 00:27:21,222 AND, SO, IF WE HAVE THIS SORT OF FIRE SQUAD OF 3,000 PEOPLE WITH 534 00:27:21,306 --> 00:27:26,394 THOSE SKILLS, THEY CAN BE WORKING ON MALARIA OR MEASLES, 535 00:27:26,478 --> 00:27:30,482 BUT THEN WHEN ANY HINT OF THE PANDEMIC COMES, THEY'LL GO AND 536 00:27:30,565 --> 00:27:34,778 SPECIALIZE AND REALLY TRY AND STOP IT BEFORE IT GETS 537 00:27:34,861 --> 00:27:37,197 WIDESPREAD. 538 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:38,615 UNLESS YOU HAVE THOSE PEOPLE READY TO GO AND FULLY UP TO DATE 539 00:27:38,698 --> 00:27:42,702 ON THEIR SKILLS, YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO CATCH IT EARLY. 540 00:27:42,786 --> 00:27:47,415 >> Stephen: WELL, DURING THIS QUARANTINE, A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE 541 00:27:47,499 --> 00:27:53,755 TAKEN UP SOME SIDE PROJECTS, LIKE, YOU KNOW, BAKING OR DOING 542 00:27:53,838 --> 00:27:54,672 CROSSWORD PUZZLES. 543 00:27:54,756 --> 00:27:56,257 YOU DID A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT ONE. 544 00:27:56,341 --> 00:28:02,263 YOU WROTE THIS BOOK, HOW TO AVOID A CLIMATE CRISIS. 545 00:28:02,347 --> 00:28:06,226 HOW DO WE AVOID IT, WHEN THE "NEW YORK TIMES" IS ALREADY 546 00:28:06,309 --> 00:28:08,937 REPORTING THAT CLIMATE DISRUPTION IS ALREADY BAKED IN 547 00:28:09,020 --> 00:28:11,648 TO OUR FUTURE? 548 00:28:11,731 --> 00:28:15,944 >> WELL, WHAT WE DO AS FAST AS WE CAN, WE TAKE OUR CURRENT 549 00:28:16,027 --> 00:28:22,075 EMISSIONS, WHICH IS 51 BILLION TONS, TO EQUIVALENTS 550 00:28:22,158 --> 00:28:23,910 AND DROP IT ALL THE WAY TO ZERO. 551 00:28:23,993 --> 00:28:26,121 NOW, THAT'S GOING TO BE VERY, VERY HARD. 552 00:28:26,204 --> 00:28:29,749 IT WILL TAKE AT LEAST ALL 30 YEARS, WE'LL HAVE TO USE ALL OF 553 00:28:29,833 --> 00:28:32,919 THOSE YEARS, AND THERE WILL HAVE TO BE A LOT OF INNOVATION. 554 00:28:33,002 --> 00:28:36,631 SO WE HAVE TO LEARN, OKAY, ALL THE SOURCES OF EMISSIONS, NOT 555 00:28:36,714 --> 00:28:41,761 JUST CARS, BUT ALSO MAKING THINGS LIKE STEEL AND COMMENT 556 00:28:41,845 --> 00:28:42,971 AND AGRICULTURE, AVIATION FUEL. 557 00:28:43,054 --> 00:28:47,308 BECAUSE OF ALL THOSE SOURCES, IT'S GOING TO REQUIRE A BROAD 558 00:28:47,392 --> 00:28:53,022 SET OF INNOVATIVE COMPANIES AND POLICIES WHERE WE'RE BUYING 559 00:28:53,106 --> 00:28:55,984 THESE GREEN PRODUCTS AND GETTING THE COST TO BE MUCH LOWER FOR 560 00:28:56,067 --> 00:28:57,527 BEING GREEN. 561 00:28:57,610 --> 00:28:59,821 >> Stephen: THESE CHALLENGES ARE ENORMOUS, AND CERTAINLY IN 562 00:28:59,904 --> 00:29:04,993 THE UNITED STATES THE MOST BOLD PROPOSAL IS THE GREEN NEW DEAL, 563 00:29:05,076 --> 00:29:07,787 THOUGH THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION ALSO HAS SOMS PROPOSALS THEY 564 00:29:07,871 --> 00:29:11,791 HAVEN'T ROLLED OUT YET, BUT THEY CLAIM TO BE SWINGING FROM THE 565 00:29:11,875 --> 00:29:14,002 FENCES. 566 00:29:14,085 --> 00:29:15,712 WHO'S DOING A GOOD JOB IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW AT THIS? 567 00:29:15,795 --> 00:29:18,339 WHO'S WORKING THE HARDEST TO PREVENT IT? 568 00:29:18,423 --> 00:29:22,385 >> WELL, THE U.K. IS VERY IMPRESSIVE BECAUSE THEY HAVE 569 00:29:22,469 --> 00:29:26,931 ALMOST NO COAL PLANTS LEFT, AND THEY WERE THE START OF THE COAL 570 00:29:27,015 --> 00:29:29,726 BASED INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION. 571 00:29:29,809 --> 00:29:36,399 THEY ARE GETTING THE OFFSHORE WIND TO COST A LOT LESS. 572 00:29:36,483 --> 00:29:38,693 NORWAY BUYS THE MOST ELECTRIC CARS. 573 00:29:38,776 --> 00:29:42,405 SO THERE'S A LOT OF LEADERS, BUT THE U.S. IS THE MOST IMPORTANT 574 00:29:42,489 --> 00:29:46,326 BECAUSE WE CAN INNOVATE. 575 00:29:46,409 --> 00:29:47,911 WE HAVE UNIVERSITIES, NATIONAL LABS, RISK CAPITOL. 576 00:29:47,994 --> 00:29:52,207 WE LOOK TO THE WORLD TO MAKE ALL THESE GREEN PRODUCTS VERY CHEAP, 577 00:29:52,290 --> 00:29:55,543 AND THAT WILL GIVE US A CHANCE TO EXPORT THOSE PRODUCTS AS 578 00:29:55,627 --> 00:29:56,878 WELL. 579 00:29:56,961 --> 00:29:57,962 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT WHEN WE COME 580 00:29:58,046 --> 00:30:01,424 BACK, I'LL ASK BILL GATES ABOUT THIS GUY. 581 00:30:01,508 --> 00:30:01,925 STICK AROUND. 582 00:30:16,147 --> 00:30:17,899 ♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 583 00:30:17,982 --> 00:30:20,235 WE'RE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF "HOW TO AVOID A CLIMATE 584 00:30:20,318 --> 00:30:24,531 DISASTER," BILL GATES. 585 00:30:24,614 --> 00:30:26,741 GOVERNOR ABBOTT DOWN IN TEXAS SAYS THEIR PROBLEM WAS GREEN 586 00:30:26,824 --> 00:30:28,117 ENERGY DOWN IN TEXAS. 587 00:30:28,201 --> 00:30:30,703 THAT'S WHY THEY DIDN'T HAVE POWER, SO THE WATER SYSTEM SHUT 588 00:30:30,787 --> 00:30:38,419 DOWN AND THE HEATERS SHUT DOWN AND THE PIPES BURST. 589 00:30:38,503 --> 00:30:42,090 WHAT'S YOUR RESPONSE TO SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BLAME GREEN ENERGY 590 00:30:42,173 --> 00:30:43,716 FOR THERE LATEST CRISIS? 591 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,885 >> WELL, THE PROBLEM WAS THEY DIDN'T WEATHERIZE ANY OF THEIR 592 00:30:45,969 --> 00:30:48,930 POWER SOURCES, SO NATURAL GAS SHUT DOWN, AND THAT WAS THE 593 00:30:49,013 --> 00:30:51,266 BIGGEST THING. 594 00:30:51,349 --> 00:30:53,101 THE WIND SHUTTING DOWN WAS A VERY SMALL PERCENTAGE, AND THAT 595 00:30:53,184 --> 00:30:55,895 WAS JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T WEATHERIZED IT. 596 00:30:55,979 --> 00:31:00,108 EVEN NORTH DAKOTA HAS WIND THAT WORKS AT COLD TEMPERATURES. 597 00:31:00,191 --> 00:31:03,486 THERE ARE TWO REALLY VALID POINTS HERE, THOUGH, WHICH IS 598 00:31:03,570 --> 00:31:06,906 WE'RE GOING TO HAVE MORE OF THESE CRAZY WEATHER EVENTS, EVEN 599 00:31:06,990 --> 00:31:09,826 COLD ONES LIKE THAT, BECAUSE OF CLIMATE CHANGE, AND, AS WE MAKE 600 00:31:09,909 --> 00:31:15,164 THE GRID CLEAN, IT IS -- IT WILL BE A CHALLENGE TO KEEP IT 601 00:31:15,248 --> 00:31:18,710 RELIABLE BECAUSE YOU CAN HAVE LOTS OF CASES WHERE THERE'S NOT 602 00:31:18,793 --> 00:31:21,879 MUCH SUN OR WIND, SO WE HAVE TO INNOVATE TO BE ABLE TO STORE 603 00:31:21,963 --> 00:31:26,759 ENERGY OR USE A WEATHER-INDEPENDENT GREEN SOURCE 604 00:31:26,843 --> 00:31:27,260 LIKE NUCLEAR. 605 00:31:27,343 --> 00:31:29,137 >> Stephen: OKAY. 606 00:31:29,220 --> 00:31:34,100 WELL, I MEAN, PEOPLE LOOK AT NUCLEAR A LITTLE ASKANCE, AND 607 00:31:34,183 --> 00:31:36,311 I'M SURE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHY. 608 00:31:36,394 --> 00:31:39,105 THERE HAVE BEEN NUCLEAR ACCIDENTS. 609 00:31:39,188 --> 00:31:43,985 I'M NOT SURE IF YOU SAW H.B.O.'S SHEERS CHERNOBYL, BUT IT WAS A 610 00:31:44,068 --> 00:31:45,945 BIT CHILLING, ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY THERE WOULD BE A 611 00:31:46,029 --> 00:31:52,660 LARGE HUNK OF EASTERN EUROPE WOULD NOT BE INHABITABLE FOR 612 00:31:52,744 --> 00:31:53,828 SEVERAL THOUSAND YEARS. 613 00:31:53,911 --> 00:31:57,957 IS IT POSSIBLE TO DO NUCLEAR POWER SAFELY? 614 00:31:58,041 --> 00:31:58,499 >> ABSOLUTELY. 615 00:31:58,583 --> 00:32:01,794 WE NEED A NEW DESIGN. 616 00:32:01,878 --> 00:32:06,049 THE RECORD, DESPITE CHERNOBYL, DESPITE WHAT COAL HAS DONE TO 617 00:32:06,132 --> 00:32:09,010 PEOPLE'S HEALTH AND COAL MINUS AND NATURAL GAS PIPELINES 618 00:32:09,093 --> 00:32:12,055 BLOWING UP, IT'S QUITE GOOD, BUT IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH. 619 00:32:12,138 --> 00:32:16,851 SO WE NEED TO START FROM SCRATCH AND HAVE A REACTOR THAT THE 620 00:32:16,934 --> 00:32:20,563 OPERATES CAN NEVER MESS UP, THAT NO MATTER WHAT, THE RADIOACTIVE 621 00:32:20,647 --> 00:32:26,235 STUFF STAYS ON SITE, AND I'M INVOLVED IN A COMPANY THAT JUST 622 00:32:26,319 --> 00:32:30,323 GOT A U.S. GOVERNMENT CONTRACT TO PROVE THAT THERE'S THIS NEW 623 00:32:30,406 --> 00:32:32,909 SUPER SAFE GENERATION. 624 00:32:32,992 --> 00:32:36,162 >> Stephen: UM, NOT TO PUSH BACK AGAINST SOMEONE WHO KNOWS 625 00:32:36,245 --> 00:32:39,999 MORE ABOUT THIS THAN I DO, BUT ISN'T THE DANGER WITH NUCLEAR 626 00:32:40,083 --> 00:32:42,543 REACTORS NOT SO MUCH THAT OTHER FORMS OF ENERGY DON'T KILL 627 00:32:42,627 --> 00:32:47,715 PEOPLE IN THE LONG RUN, BUT THAT A LARGE CHUNK OF THE PLANET 628 00:32:47,799 --> 00:32:51,052 DOESN'T BECOME UNINHABITABLE AS A RESULT OF AN ACCIDENT WHEN 629 00:32:51,135 --> 00:32:58,768 NUCLEAR RADIATION IS SPREAD LIKE A POISONOUS SAUCE OVER UKRAINE? 630 00:32:58,851 --> 00:33:05,942 >> NO, THE CHERNOBYL WAS A HUGE DISASTER, AND, YOU KNOW, THE 631 00:33:06,025 --> 00:33:09,779 RADIOACTIVE MATERIAL SPREAD OUT OF THE REACTOR, AND, YOU KNOW, 632 00:33:09,862 --> 00:33:13,032 PEOPLE HAD TO LEAVE THAT AREA. 633 00:33:13,116 --> 00:33:17,203 AND, YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE STUFF IN THE REACTOR. 634 00:33:17,286 --> 00:33:22,917 IT IS, YOU KNOW -- IT -- THE HISTORY IS CLEAR, BUT, GOING 635 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:26,087 FORWARD, PEOPLE SHOULD JUST HAVE AN OPEN MIND BECAUSE YOU WANT A 636 00:33:26,170 --> 00:33:31,592 GREEN SOURCE OF ENERGY THAT'S NOT WEATHER DEPENDENT, AND 637 00:33:31,676 --> 00:33:35,430 NUCLEAR IS THE ONLY THING THAT HAS A CHANCE OF SCALING THAT 638 00:33:35,513 --> 00:33:39,183 WELL, AND, YOU KNOW, I'M AMAZED AT THE BRILLIANT THINGS PEOPLE 639 00:33:39,267 --> 00:33:43,813 HAVE COME UP WITH TO BE ABLE TO GUARANTEE THIS, AND NOW WE CAN 640 00:33:43,896 --> 00:33:47,233 SIMULATE ALL THE BAD THINGS THAT MGHT HAPPEN TO MAKE SURE WE'RE 641 00:33:47,316 --> 00:33:48,818 ROBUST. 642 00:33:48,901 --> 00:33:52,071 >> Stephen: AT 65 YEARS OLD, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO 643 00:33:52,155 --> 00:33:59,912 SAY TO THIS GUY FROM 37 YEARS AGO? 644 00:33:59,996 --> 00:34:01,789 YOU SEE THIS FELLOW RIGHT HERE? 645 00:34:01,873 --> 00:34:02,373 >> YEAH, HE WAS A MAD MAN. 646 00:34:02,457 --> 00:34:04,292 HE WORKED ALL THE TIME. 647 00:34:04,375 --> 00:34:08,629 HE DIDN'T THINK OLD PEOPLE HAD ANY GOOD IDEAS, SO I WOULD TELL 648 00:34:08,713 --> 00:34:12,592 THEM TO MELLOW ON THAT ONE. 649 00:34:12,675 --> 00:34:14,260 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: ARE THERE ANY 650 00:34:14,343 --> 00:34:19,265 THINGS YOU WOULD SAY LIKE, DON'T DO THAT, DON'T PURSUE THAT 651 00:34:19,348 --> 00:34:20,349 PROJECT? 652 00:34:20,433 --> 00:34:21,309 IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WOULD WAVE HIM OFF. 653 00:34:21,392 --> 00:34:22,852 >> BE NICE TO THE GOVERNMENT. 654 00:34:22,935 --> 00:34:26,147 >> Stephen: BE NICE TO THE GOVERNMENT? 655 00:34:26,230 --> 00:34:27,482 WHY? 656 00:34:27,565 --> 00:34:28,983 WAS THIS GUY JUST A LITTLE CREEP TO THE GOVERNMENT? 657 00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:32,195 >> NO, NO, HE EVENTUALLY GOT INTO AN ANTITRUST TRIAL. 658 00:34:32,278 --> 00:34:33,488 >> Stephen: OH, THAT'S RIGHT. 659 00:34:33,571 --> 00:34:35,239 THAT'S RIGHT. 660 00:34:35,323 --> 00:34:41,496 AND WAS HE RIGHT OR WRONG FOR DEFENDING HIS ACTIONS? 661 00:34:41,579 --> 00:34:45,958 >> UH, I'M TOO BIASED TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION. 662 00:34:46,042 --> 00:34:49,128 >> Stephen: YOU'RE IMMINENTLY FAIR TO YOURSELF. 663 00:34:49,212 --> 00:34:51,047 ( LAUGHTER ) WELL, BILL, THANK YOU SO MUCH 664 00:34:51,130 --> 00:34:54,675 FOR BEING HERE. 665 00:34:54,759 --> 00:34:55,218 >> WELL, THANKS. 666 00:34:55,301 --> 00:34:56,302 GREAT TO TALK TO YOU. 667 00:34:56,385 --> 00:34:58,054 >> Stephen: I WAS WAITING FOR A THANKS BACK. 668 00:34:58,137 --> 00:35:00,181 THAT'S ALL. 669 00:35:00,264 --> 00:35:02,141 CAN'T BELIEVE HOW HARD I HAD TO FISH FOR THAT ONE. 670 00:35:02,225 --> 00:35:06,187 ( LAUGHTER ) HOW DO AVOID A CLIMATE DISASTER 671 00:35:06,270 --> 00:35:07,021 IS AVAILABLE NOW. 672 00:35:07,105 --> 00:35:08,189 BILL GATES, EVERYBODY. 673 00:35:08,272 --> 00:35:14,153 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY "TUNE-YARDS." 674 00:35:14,237 --> 00:35:14,278 ♪♪♪ 675 00:35:21,994 --> 00:35:28,251 ♪♪♪ 676 00:35:39,095 --> 00:35:42,765 >> Stephen: AND NOW PERFORMING "HOLD YOURSELF" FROM THEIR 677 00:35:42,849 --> 00:35:46,435 FORTHCOMING ALBUM "SKETCHY," "TUNE-YARDS." 678 00:35:46,519 --> 00:35:51,357 >> ♪ PARENTS ARE CHILDREN PARENTS ARE CHILDREN 679 00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:57,572 ♪ PARENTS WERE CHILDREN ALL OF THE TIME 680 00:35:57,655 --> 00:36:03,035 ♪ PARENTS THEY MADE US THEY TRIED TO RAISE US 681 00:36:03,119 --> 00:36:10,293 ♪ BUT PARENTS BETRAYED US EVEN WHEN THEY TRIED 682 00:36:10,376 --> 00:36:13,754 ♪ THEY HELD US CLOSE AND DEAR AND TOLD US LIES THAT THEY'VE 683 00:36:13,838 --> 00:36:18,384 ♪ BEEN TELLING THEMSELVES FOR YEARS 684 00:36:18,467 --> 00:36:27,018 ♪ THEY'LL SUFFOCATE ME SO I HOLD MYSELF NOW 685 00:36:27,101 --> 00:36:35,067 ♪ I HAVE TO HOLD MYSELF NOW NO CHOICE OF WHEN 686 00:36:35,151 --> 00:36:45,953 ♪ AND I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT I WILL HOLD MYSELF NOW 687 00:36:46,037 --> 00:36:50,958 ♪ CHILD, I WON'T HAVE YOU I CANNOT HAVE YOU 688 00:36:51,042 --> 00:36:55,087 ♪ CHILD I WON'T HAVE YOU AND I'M TELLING YOU WHY 689 00:36:55,171 --> 00:37:02,261 ♪ I CANNOT MEND THIS I HAVE TO HAND THIS 690 00:37:02,345 --> 00:37:09,268 ♪ I CAN'T PRETEND WITHOUT A BREAK IN SIGHT 691 00:37:09,352 --> 00:37:15,024 ♪ OH, I HOLD YOU CLOSE AND DEAR AND TELL YOU LIES THAT I'VE BEEN 692 00:37:15,107 --> 00:37:19,236 ♪ TELLING MYSELF FOR YEARS I'LL SUFFOCATE YOU SO YOU 693 00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:31,040 ♪ HOLD YOURSELF NOW YOU HAVE TO HOLD YOURSELF NOW 694 00:37:31,123 --> 00:37:39,090 ♪ NO CHOICE OF WHEN AND WHO KNOWS HOW 695 00:37:39,173 --> 00:37:49,809 ♪ BUT YOU WILL HOLD YOURSELF NOW WE ALL HAVE DOUBTS 696 00:37:49,892 --> 00:37:55,147 ♪ WE ALL HAVE DOUBTS WE ALL HAVE RAGE 697 00:37:55,231 --> 00:38:03,155 ♪ WE ALL HAVE RAGE WE ALL HAVE TROUBLE BEING BRAVE 698 00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:07,868 ♪ ENOUGH TO TURN THE PAGE WE ALL HAVE TROUBLE BEING BRAVE 699 00:38:07,952 --> 00:38:11,163 ♪ ENOUGH BUT WE WILL 700 00:38:11,247 --> 00:38:19,171 ♪ HOLD OURSELVES NOW YES, WE WILL HOLD OURSELVES NOW 701 00:38:19,255 --> 00:38:27,138 ♪ NO CHOICE OF WHEN AND WHO KNOWS HOW 702 00:38:27,221 --> 00:38:32,852 ♪ BUT WE WILL HOLD OURSELVES NOW HOLD OURSELVES NOW 703 00:38:32,935 --> 00:38:43,112 ♪ YES, WE WILL HOLD OURSELVES NOW 704 00:38:43,195 --> 00:38:47,241 ♪ SO WE WILL HOLD OURSELVES NOW ♪ NO CHOICE OF WHEN AND WE ARE 705 00:38:47,324 --> 00:38:58,294 LEARNING HOW ♪ SO WE WILL HOLD OURSELVES NOW 706 00:38:58,377 --> 00:39:03,215 WE ALL HAVE DOUBTS ♪ WE ALL HAVE DOUBTS 707 00:39:03,299 --> 00:39:11,223 WE ALL HAVE RAGE ♪ WE ALL HAVE RAGE 708 00:39:11,307 --> 00:39:16,771 WE ALL HAVE TROUBLE BEING BRAVE ♪ ENOUGH TO TURN THE PAGE WE ALL 709 00:39:16,854 --> 00:39:23,277 HAVE TROUBLE BEING BRAVE ENOUGH ♪ WE ALL HAVE DOUBTS WE ALL HAVE 710 00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:26,530 DOUBTS ♪ WE ALL HAVE RAGE WE ALL HAVE 711 00:39:26,614 --> 00:39:39,168 RAGE ♪ WE ALL HAVE TROUBLE BEING 712 00:39:39,251 --> 00:39:43,172 BRAVE ENOUGH TO TURN THE PAGE ♪ WE ALL HAVE TROUBLE BEING 713 00:39:43,255 --> 00:39:49,678 BRAVE ENOUGH >> STEPHEN: TUNE-YARDS, 714 00:39:49,762 --> 00:39:50,179 EVERYBODY. 715 00:39:50,262 --> 00:39:52,389 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 716 00:40:01,190 --> 00:40:02,483 >> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW." 717 00:40:02,566 --> 00:40:05,319 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE BILLIE EILISH AND 718 00:40:05,402 --> 00:40:08,656 JOURNALISTS ANNA PALMER AND JAKE SHERMAN. 719 00:40:08,739 --> 00:40:09,490 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 720 00:40:09,573 --> 00:40:10,449 GOOD NIGHT. 721 00:40:10,533 --> 00:40:20,626 ♪♪♪ Captioning sponsored by CBS 722 00:40:20,709 --> 00:40:27,675 ♪♪♪ Captioning sponsored by CBS 723 00:40:36,308 --> 00:40:38,561 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH