>> TEXAS SENATOR TED CRUZ FACES INTENSE HEAT FOR FLYING TO
CANCUN, WHILE HIS CONSTITUENTS SHIVERED IN THE BITTER COLD.
WHY HE'S NOW CALLING THE TRIP A MISTAKE.
AND N.A.S.A. MAKES HISTORY WITH ITS NEWEST MARS MISSION.
>> THE S PORT B HAS SHUT DOWN.
AND PERSEVERANCE BEGINS ITS DESCENT TO THE SURFACE OF MARS.
>> HOUSTON -- WHO'S THAT?
I'M TED CRUZ, AND I'M GOING TO MARS.
>> SHOULDN'T YOU BE HELPING YOUR STATE GET ITS POWER BACK ON?
>> LEAVING WHEN SO MANY TEXANS WERE HURTING, I TOOK THE FIRST
FLIGHT I COULD GET.
>> WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO MOST MISS DOING ON EARTH?
>> FAILING TEXANS, MASSIVELY.
BUT WHY ARE YOU GOING TO MARS?
>> I -- WANT -- TO BE -- ON VACATION -- SOMEWHERE WARMER.
>> MARS HAS AN AVERAGE TEMPERATURE OF NEGATIVE
80 DEGREES.
>> IT WAS A OBVIOUSLY MISTAKE.
IN HINDSIGHT, I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT.
>> ALL RIGHT, THEN.
CONGRATULATIONS, HOUSTON -- TED CRUZ HAS LEFT THE PLANET.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE
SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!
TONIGHT, TEXAN.
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES BILL GATES AND MUSICAL GUEST "TUNE-YARDS,"
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY " HUMAN."
LIVE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE BUILDING IN
NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
MMM...
OOOH...
WELL, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN GONE?
>> A WEEK.
>> Stephen: A WEEK.
I MISSED YOU.
I HOPE YOU MISSED ME.
SO MUCH HAS CHANGED IN THAT NOTHING IS CHANGING.
BECAUSE THE BIG STORY TODAY IS I'M STILL HERE
YOU'RE STILL THERE, AND WE'VE BEEN THAT WAY FOR ALMOST A YEAR.
WE'RE APPROACHING THE PANDEMIC'S FIRST ANNIVERSARY.
TRADITIONALLY, THE GIFT IS PAPER, ON A ROLL, NEXT TO A
TOILET.
BUT EVEN AS THE DEATH TOLL CROSSES HALF A MILLION, THERE IS
GOOD NEWS: PRESIDENT BIDEN EXPECTS TO SURPASS HIS GOAL
OF 100 MILLION SHOTS IN 100 DAYS, AND LAST WEEK, THE DAILY
INOCULATION AVERAGE CLIMBED TO 1.7 MILLION SHOTS PER DAY.
SO, THE MAIN QUESTION ON EVERYONE'S MIND IS: WHEN WILL
THINGS BE NORMAL?
ONE PROFESSOR AT JOHNS HOPKINS SAYS, "WE'LL HAVE HERD IMMUNITY
BY APRIL."
APRIL?
THAT'S GREAT!
BUT IT DOES MEAN I ACTUALLY HAVE TO GET STARTED ON MY BEACH BOD'.
RIGHT NOW I'M ROCKIN' MORE OF A WASHED-UP-ON-THE-BEACH BOD'.
MAYBE FISHED OUT OF THE RIVER, DRAGGED OUT OF THE LAKE.
OF COURSE, AS EXCITING AS THIS PREDICTION IS, KEEP IN MIND, IT
FIRST APPEARED IN "THE NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF TELLING YOU
WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR."
THIS MONTH'S COVER STORY: "MOST PEOPLE YOUR AGE CAN'T PULL OFF A
LEATHER JACKET, BUT YOU LOOK GREAT!"
SO, IT'S HAPPENING!
WE'RE GOING BACK TO NORMAL IN APRIL!
OR AS PRESIDENT BIDEN PUT IT SLIGHTLY DIFFERENTLY:
>> BY NEXT CHRISTMAS.
>> STEPHEN: ALL RIGHT, FINE.
NEXT CHRISTMAS.
WHATEVER.
AT LEAST AT THIS YEAR'S FAMILY MEALS, WE WON'T BE SAYING,
"UNCLE PHIL, YOU'RE ON MUTE!" WE'LL BE SAYING, "I WISH WE
COULD PUT UNCLE PHIL ON MUTE."
ANYWAY, IT'S THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT... FOR THE GRINCH
TO STEAL.
BECAUSE DR. FAUCI SAYS IT'S POSSIBLE WE'LL STILL BE WEARING
MASKS IN 2022.
GREAT!
WE'LL BE BACK TO NORMAL BY APRIL-- CHRISTMAS A YEAR AND A
HALF FROM NOW.
ONE OF THOSE!
ANY ONE OF THOSE!
LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY -- IF THIS WERE CLIMBING MOUNT
EVEREST, WE'D EITHER BE ABOUT TO SUMMIT, SET UP BASE CAMP, OR
THINKING ABOUT BUYING A CLIF BAR AT CVS.
BUT WHATEVER THAT -- YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M FEELING, RIGHT?
WELL, THEN -- WHERE ARE WE IN WE'RE, LIKE, IN PURGATORY HERE!
WHENEVER NORMAL HAPPENS, THIS COUNTRY IS MORE THAN READY. IN
FACT, A NEW SURVEY FOUND THAT 38% OF AMERICANS WOULD GIVE UP
SEX FOR A YEAR TO GO ON A TRIP IMMEDIATELY.
WHICH MEANS AN ASTOUNDING 38% OF AMERICANS HAVE HAD SEX THIS
YEAR.
EVIDENTLY, SOME PEOPLE ARE TURNED ON BY A HOT BOWL OF
COUCH LASAGNA.
MMM!
YOU'RE LOOKING LOGY.
THERE WAS A LITTLE NEWS TIDBIT YOU MIGHT'VE MISSED LAST WEEK
WHEN THE SENATE ACQUITTED THE FORMER PRESIDENT IN HIS SECOND
IMPEACHMENT TRIAL FOR INSURRECTION.
WE WERE ON BREAK WHEN IT HAPPENED, BUT I PROMISE WE'LL
HAVE FULL COVERAGE OF HIS THIRD IMPEACHMENT.
BUT OL' DOLT 45'S NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET.
BECAUSE TODAY, THE SUPREME COURT DENIED HIS FINAL BID TO BLOCK
THE RELEASE OF HIS TAX RETURNS.
WOO!
♪♪♪ THAT'S IT!
THANK YOU!
THAT WAS HARDLY EVEN DANGEROUS!
( LAUGHTER ) OH!
BREAK OUT THE CHAMPAGNE GLASSES!
AND MY READING GLASSES!
THERE'S GONNA BE SOME FINE PRINT!
I'LL GIVE YOU THE 4-1-1 ON THE 1099'S IN OUR NEW, HOPEFULLY
VERY RECURRING SEGMENT: >> LOCK HIM UP!
LOCK HIM UP!
>> Stephen: THE NICE THING ABOUT BEING GONE, BECAUSE YOU
DON'T MISS A STEP -- I STILL GOT IT, BABY!
FOR YEARS, THE FORMER PRESIDENT -- I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE
ONE OF THOSE POPPER THINGS THAT REALLY ENDANGERS EVERYONE AROUND
YOU.
THIS IS WHY REHEARSAL IS HANDY.
FOR YEARS, THE FORMER PRESIDENT HAS BEEN DESPERATE TO PREVENT
PROSECUTORS FROM GETTING THEIR HANDS ON ANY DOCUMENTS THAT
MIGHT GET HIM IN LEGAL TROUBLE.
SO... ANY DOCUMENTS.
BUT TODAY, THE HIGH COURT RULED THAT HE HAD TO HAND OVER HIS
FINANCIAL HISTORY TO THE MANHATTAN D.A., WHO'S BEEN
CONDUCTING A CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION THAT COULD LEAD TO
CONSPIRACY FRAUD CHARGES, WHICH ARE B FELONIES.
GOOD.
'CAUSE HE "B" A FELON.
GIVEN THE POTENTIAL CHARGES, THE FORMER PRESIDENT COULD BE SENT
TO JAIL IF CONVICTED.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT ALL PLAY OUT IN THE NEW NETFLIX SERIES
"ORANGE IS THE NEW ORANGE."
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE EXACT CHARGES RELATED TO THE FAMILY
BUSINESS ARE YET, BUT THEY COULD IMPLICATE COMPANY EXECUTIVES DON
JR. AND ERIC.
(AS ERIC) "DAD!
THE JUDGE SAYS WE GET TO HAVE A SLEEPOVER!
FOR 10 YEARS!
I CALL TOP BUNK!
I'M GONNA MAKE TOILET HOOCH!" IT'S OKAY IF YOU HAVE TO SHIV
ME.
( LAUGHTER ) IN RESPONSE, THE FORMER
PRESIDENT CALLED IT A "FISHING EXPEDITION."
(AS ERIC) "DAD, WE'RE GOING FISHING, TOO!
JUST LIKE IN THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW!"
(WHISTLES BADLY) I THINK I'M DOING MYSELF
PERIODONTAL DAMAGE WHEN I DO THAT
WHEN ASKED WHETHER THIS WAS A SO-CALLED FISHING EXPEDITION,
THE MANHATTAN D.A. RESPONDED: >> YOU'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER
BOAT.
>> STEPHEN: THINGS CONTINUE TO BE ROUGH DOWN IN TEXAS.
LAST WEEK, THE LONE STAR STATE WAS HIT BY A FREAK WINTER STORM
THAT KNOCKED OUT POWER.
MILLIONS OF TEXANS ARE STILL WITHOUT RUNNING WATER, AND THERE
ARE FOOD SHORTAGES ACROSS THE STATE.
IF YOU'RE LOOKING TO HELP, AND I KNOW YOU ARE, WE HAVE SOME
SUGGESTED CHARITIES YOU CAN DONATE TO.
JUST HEAD OVER TO COLBERTLATESHOW.COM
/TEXAS.
AND PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY.
NOW, THIS MIGHT SHOCK YOU, BUT THERE ARE STATES BESIDES TEXAS
THAT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE PHENOMENON OF WINTER.
IT'S TRUE.
YOU CAN LOOK IT UP.
SO, WHY DID THEY LOSE POWER AND WATER AND HEAT?
IN TEXAS, ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE DEPENDENT UPON THEIR
ELECTRICAL GRID, AND IN AN EFFORT TO AVOID FEDERAL
REGULATION, TEXAS IS THE ONLY STATE IN THE CONTINENTAL UNITED
STATES TO OPERATE ITS OWN GRID.
WELL, TEXANS LIKE TO HAVE THEIR OWN STUFF: GRIDS, TOASTS, AND
CHAINSAW MASSACRES.
IN ADDITION, TEXAS IS A FAN OF EXTREME CAPITALISM, SO THEY
HANDED THEIR GRID OVER TO THE INVISIBLE HAND OF THE MARKET.
MEANING THAT ANYTIME THERE'S A LACK OF SUPPLY AND A HUGE
DEMAND, PRICES SKYROCKET.
OUT OF CONTROL.
SO, LAST WEEK, IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS ARCTIC BLAST, ELECTRICITY
IN TEXAS APPROACHED $9,000 PER MEGAWATT/HOUR.
WHICH IS AN INCREASE OF 180 TIMES THE AVERAGE RATE BEFORE
THE STORM.
ONE MAN WAS STUCK WITH A $16,752 ELECTRIC BILL.
TO WHICH AMERICA'S FATHERS REPLIED, "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU PUSH THE THERMOSTAT ABOVE 66!
I'M PUTTING SOME TAPE ON IT!
I'M TAPING IT DOWN!
WE'RE NOT HEATING THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD!
SO, CLEARLY, THE SYSTEM IS VERY BAD FOR THE PEOPLE, BUT VERY
GOOD FOR THE ENERGY COMPANIES, SOME OF WHICH EARNED MORE PROFIT
ON MONDAY AND TUESDAY ALONE THAN THEY WOULD HAVE GAINED
THROUGH AN ENTIRE YEAR OF NORMAL OPERATION.
AS ONE ENERGY COMPANY SPOKESMAN EXPLAINED, "GOLD!
GOLD!
I'M RICH, I TELL YOU.
GOLD!" SO, IT'S NO WONDER TEXAS POWER
COMPANIES DID NOT PREPARE FOR THIS DISASTER, EVEN THOUGH
BACK IN 2011, FEDERAL REGULATORS WARNED TEXAS THAT ITS POWER
PLANTS COULDN'T BE COUNTED ON TO RELIABLY CHURN OUT ELECTRICITY
IN BITTERLY COLD CONDITIONS.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, "THOSE WHO FAIL TO LEARN FROM
HISTORY WERE PROBABLY EDUCATED IN TEXAS."
THAT WARNING CAME FROM THE FEDERAL ENERGY REGULATORY
COMMISSION OR "FERC."
NO ONE LISTENED, AND NOW, "ERMEGERD.
TEXAS IS FERC'D."
THE GUY IN CHARGE OF THE LONE STAR STATE BACK THEN WAS FORMER
TEXAS GOVERNOR AND MAN WONDERING WHAT HAPPENS TO THE SUN AT
NIGHT, RICK PERRY.
LAST WEEK, PERRY DEFENDED HIS STATE'S LUDICROUS ENERGY SETUP,
SAYING, "TEXANS WOULD BE WITHOUT ELECTRICITY FOR LONGER THAN
THREE DAYS TO KEEP THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OUT OF THEIR
BUSINESS."
THAT STATEMENT WAS SO DUMB, RICK PERRY IMMEDIATELY TRIED TO MAKE
HIMSELF SEEM SMARTER BY WEARING A SECOND PAIR OF GLASSES.
OF COURSE, THERE'S ONE GUY IN TEXAS GIVING RICK PERRY A RUN
FOR HIS DUMMY: SENATOR AND MAN WHOSE FACE WAS SEIZED BY AN
ANGRY MOB, THEN TARRED AND PUBED, TED CRUZ.
AT THE HEIGHT OF THE CRISIS LAST WEEK, FOLKS ON SOCIAL MEDIA
SPOTTED TED CRUZ BOARDING A FLIGHT TO CANCUN.
'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, "WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, TED
CRUZ GETS GONE."
THE SENATOR GOT A LOT OF CRITICISM, SO HE IMMEDIATELY
SWALLOWED HIS PRIDE, PULLED HIMSELF UP BY HIS OWN
BOOTSTRAPS, AND THREW HIS DAUGHTERS UNDER A BUS:
"WITH SCHOOL CANCELED FOR THE WEEK, OUR GIRLS ASKED TO TAKE A
TRIP WITH FRIENDS.
WANTING TO BE A GOOD DAD, I FLEW DOWN WITH THEM LAST NIGHT AND AM
FLYING BACK THIS AFTERNOON."
SEE?
HE WAS JUST BEING A GOOD DAD.
UNLIKE ALL THOSE TERRIBLE FATHERS WHO WERE HUDDLING WITH
THEIR KIDS FOR WARMTH.
REMINDS ME OF F.D.R.'S FAMOUS SPEECH:
>> DECEMBER 7, 1941, A DAY THAT WAS MY DAUGHTER ANNA'S FAULT!
COME ON, HONEY, WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME THE JAPANESE WERE
COMING?!
YOU'RE GROUNDED!
>> STEPHEN: TURNS OUT, IT WASN'T ONLY COWARDLY, IT WAS A LIE.
BECAUSE ACCORDING TO A LEAK FROM UNITED AIRLINES, CRUZ WAS
INITIALLY BOOKED TO RETURN HOME SATURDAY AND HE BOOKED HIS
RETURN TICKET AT 6:00 A.M.
THURSDAY.
OH, THAT'S EMBARRASSING.
PLUS, HE WAS IN COACH, SO THEY CHARGED HIM $25 TO CHECK HIS
DOUCHE-BAG.
AS PART OF THE FALLOUT, UNITED IS INVESTIGATING THE FLIGHT INFO
LEAK.
THAT'S GOING TO BE TRICKY.
"OKAY, WHO WOULD HAVE LEAKED THIS?
WHO HATES TED CRUZ?
OKAY, IS THERE ANY WAY TO NARROW THAT DOWN?"
AFTER TED FLEW BACK TO TEXAS, HE DECIDED TO FESS UP TO THE
REPORTERS: >> I STARTED HAVING SECOND
THOUGHTS ALMOST THE MOMENT I SAT DOWN ON THE PLANE.
LEAVING WHEN SO MANY TEXANS WERE HURTING DIDN'T FEEL RIGHT, SO I
CHANGED MY RETURN FLIGHT AND FLEW BACK ON THE FIRST AVAILABLE
FLIGHT I COULD TAKE.
>> STEPHEN: TOO LATE, YOU ALREADY DID THE BAD THING, AND
WE KNOW YOU LIED ABOUT IT!
IT'S LIKE AN OLD TIMEY VILLAIN GOING, "YOU KNOW, TYING THAT
DAMSEL TO THE TRAIN TRACKS JUST DIDN'T FEEL RIGHT.
SO I TOOK THE FIRST TRAIN BACK AFTER THE ACCIDENT SO I COULD BE
HERE FOR THE GRIEVING FAMILY.
WHICH BOX HAS THE HEAD?" IN TYPICAL TED CRUZ FASHION,
EVERY DETAIL THAT COMES OUT OF THIS STORY IS MORE TED CRUZ-IER
THAN THE LAST ONE.
FOR EXAMPLE, SENATOR TED CRUZ FAILED TO MENTION HIS COLLEGE
ROOMMATE ALSO WAS ALONG FOR THE VISIT.
I GOT TO SAY, THAT MAKES THE "I WAS JUST ESCORTING MY KIDS"
EXCUSE SOUND REALLY WEIRD.
(AS TED) "HEY, YOU WANNA FLY DOWN TO
MEXICO FOR SOME FUN?
ALSO, I HAVE TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY, CAN YOU WATCH MY
KIDS?
ONE MARGARITA APIECE!" IT GETS WORSE, BECAUSE AFTER
CRUZ RETURNED, WE FOUND OUT HE LEFT HIS DOG BEHIND.
NOW, BEFORE YOU FEEL SAD FOR THE DOG, REMEMBER, HE GOT TO SPEND
TWO DAYS AWAY FROM TED CRUZ.
BUT UNITED AIRLINES HAS BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN WHO RATTED OUT TED
CRUZ, AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN THE LATEST
INSTALLMENT OF MY BELOVED SEGMENT, "KEEP IN MIND,
EVERYONE'S FINE."
>> I'M OKAY.
>> STEPHEN: REMEMBER, BEFORE YOU WATCH THE FOOTAGE I'M ABOUT TO
SHOW YOU, KEEP IN MIND: EVERYONE'S FINE.
SHORTLY AFTER TAKEOFF ON A UNITED FLIGHT FROM DENVER TO
HONOLULU, A PASSENGER SHOT THIS VIDEO OF--
OH, MY GOD!
NOW THAT IS A GOOD REASON TO USE FLIGHT ATTENDANT CALL BUTTON.
"UH, EXCUSE ME, I'M NOT A PILOT, AND I'M SURE THIS IS A DUMB
QUESTION, BUT THAT ENGINE THAT'S ON FIRE-- IS THAT OUR ENGINE?
THE ONE KEEPING US IN THE AIR?
QUICK FOLLOW-UP QUESTION: YOU'RE STILL BRINGING THE DRINK CART
AROUND, RIGHT?" NOW, KEEP IN MIND: EVERYONE'S
FINE.
AFTER THE ENGINE BLEW UP AND GOT ALL FLAMEY, PILOTS ISSUED A
MAYDAY, TURNED AROUND AND LANDED SAFELY BACK IN DENVER.
BUT PEOPLE ON THE GROUND GOT A SCARE, TOO, BECAUSE DEBRIS
RAINED DOWN ON A SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD.
WOW.
NOW, I'M ASSUMING THAT FELL OFF THE PLANE.
UNLESS THE MIDDLE "O" FELL OUT OF "COLORADO."
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS BILL GATES.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, "MEANWHILE."
STICK AROUND.
♪♪♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
LET'S CHECK IN WITH MY FRIEND AND YOURS, THE FUTURE, THE SOUND
OF AMERICA, MR. JON BATISTE.
JON, HOW ARE YOU?
>> Jon: I'M WELL.
WHO WAS YOUR WEEKEND?
>> Stephen: IT WAS FINE.
IT RAINED BUT EVERYTHING WAS GREAT.
HEY, I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT YOUR WEEKEND.
YOU DID THIS THING WHERE YOU'RE HELPING TO POWER UP NEW YORK'S
ART SCENE AGAIN.
I READ ABOUT THIS IN "THE WASHINGTON POST."
WHAT DID Y'ALL DO THIS WEEKEND?
>> WE PLAYED AT THE JAVITS CENTER FOR THE ESSENTIAL
WORKERS.
THE BAND AND I AND TAP DANCERS AND PLAYERS PLAYED FOR THE
WORKERS GIVING THE VACCINES.
IT'S PART OF A 100-DAY FESTIVAL GOVERNOR CUOMO CALLED US TO BE A
PART OF, AND I'M GOING TO BE POPPING UP AS WELL AS OTHER
GREAT ARTISTS AND MUSICIANS.
>> Stephen: COUNTER TENOR, THAT'S SUPER HIGH, RIGHT?
>> Jon: VERY HIGH.
>> Stephen: HOW HIGH CAN A COUNTERTENOR HIT?
GIVE ME THE NOTE THERE.
>> Jon: COUNTER TENOR IS PROBABLY SOMEWHERE -- OOOH,
OOOH.
THAT'S THE HIGHEST RANGE, THE D-A.
AAAHHH!
LET ME HEAR YOU.
>> Stephen: AAAHHH!
AAAHHH!
>> Jon: THAT'S ALSO A TAMBER YOU GOT.
>> Stephen: THAT'S MY COUNTER TAM BEER.
♪♪♪ JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.
♪♪♪ >> Stephen: FOLKS, I SPEND A
LOT OF MY TIME HEWING THE FINEST TOPICAL NEWS
STONES FROM THE NEARBY INFORMATION QUARRY, HIRING THE
MOST CUTTING EDGE ARCHITECTS TO EMPLOY A COMPLEX SERIES OF RAMPS
AND PULLEYS TO DELICATELY DEPOSIT THEM WITH INCH-PERFECT
PRECISION TO CREATE FOR YOU THE EPIC, AWE-INSPIRING PYRAMID OF
KUFU THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES I LIKE TO GRAB A RUSTY SHOVEL, DIG A
HOLE IN A CULVERT, FILL IT WITH ROADKILL BONES, OLD BICYCLES,
AND YESTERDAYS COFFEE GRINDS, THEN TOP IT OFF WITH SOME USED
CAT LITTER, POWDERED LIME, AND QUICK DRYING CONCRETE TO SEAL
THE RAMSHACKLE BURIAL CHAMBER OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
"QUARANTINE-WHILE!" QUARANTINE-WHILE, "THE WORLD'S
FIRST 3-D-PRINTED RIB-EYE HAS BEEN UNVEILED."
MMM.
THAT SURE LOOKS... LIKE A COMPUTER'S IDEA OF MEAT.
I ALWAYS ASK THE WAITER "IS THE STEAK DAMP TONIGHT?
HOW DAMP IS IT?" THE PROCESS INVOLVES "GROWING
MEAT TISSUES FROM PUNCH BIOPSIES FROM LIVE OR SLAUGHTERED
ANIMALS," THEN "PRINTING LIVING CELLS THAT ARE INCUBATED ON A
PLANT-BASED MATRIX TO GROW" WHAT SOME CALL "ALT-MEAT."
NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE UNDERGROUND BEEFCAKE MAG I POSE
FOR AS MY SIDE HUSTLE.
IT'LL BE A WHILE BEFORE YOU CAN BUY THE STEAKS, BECAUSE
ACCORDING TO REPORTS "THE U.S.D.A. AND F.D.A. DON'T YET
HAVE A REGULATORY FRAMEWORK TO BRING IT TO MARKET."
WHICH IS LEGAL-SPEAK FOR "WE DON'T KNOW --
( LAUGHTER ) -- WHICH IS LEGAL-SPEAK FOR WHAT
IS THAT?!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS!
KILL IT!
KILL IT WITH FIRE!
AND THEN GIVE ME A SLICE."
QUARANTINE-WHILE, BLIZZCON, THE ANNUAL GAMING CONVENTION, WA
-- PEOPLE KNOW WHAT BLIZCON IS, THAT'S PATRONIZING -- WAS
HELD OVER THE WEEKEND, AND THEY BOOKED METALLICA TO PLAY.
JUST ONE PROBLEM: WHILE BLIZZARD CLEARED THE RIGHTS TO STREAM
THEIR MUSIC, THE HOSTING PLATFORM, TWITCH, DIDN'T, AND
PARTWAY THROUGH THE SONG THEY PANICKED AND SWITCHED THE MUSIC.
IT'S SUBTLE.
SEE IF YOU CAN SPOT THE MOMENT IT HAPPENS.
♪♪♪ (MUSIC ABRUPTLY CHANGES)
OOOH!
GIRL, ARE YOU DELIVERING FOOD IN NEW YORK, BECAUSE THAT WAS
SEAMLESS!
MUAH!
BUT I CAN SYMPATHIZE.
I JUST HAD METALLICA ON MY SHOW TWO WEEKS AGO, AND CBS FORGOT TO
CLEAR "ENTER SANDMAN" SO THEY HAD TO SCRAMBLE TO SUB IN THE
CLOSEST THING THEY COULD FIND: ( ENTER SANDMAN )
♪♪♪ ( BAG TYPES )
♪♪♪ OH, MY.
YEAH.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, A GUY CALLED -- QUARANTINE WHILE, THERE'S BIG
NEWS FOR PEOPLE WITH BIG EARS BECAUSE
BARACK OBAMA AND BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN ANNOUNCED A NEW
PODCAST CALLED "RENEGADES: BORN IN THE U.S.A."
WHICH IS A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS.
WERE THEY REALLY BOTH BORN IN THE U.S.A.?
SPRINGSTEEN LOOKS KENYAN TO ME.
RELEASE YOUR LONG-FORM BIRTH CERTIFICATE, BRUCE!
I'M EXCITED ABOUT THIS, PARTIALLY BECAUSE IT'LL BE A
FASCINATING CONVERSATION ETWEEN TWO AMERICAN ICONS, BUT MOSTLY
BECAUSE OF THE PART OF EVERY PODCAST WHERE THE HOST HAS TO
START PLUGGING THEIR SPONSORS.
I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR BRUCE GIVE IT A GO.
♪ HEY LITTLE GIRL IS YOUR DADDY HOME ♪
♪ DID HE GO TO THE POST-OFFICE AND LEAVE YOU ALONE ♪
♪ OH TELL YOUR MOM ♪ ♪ OH STAMPS.com ♪
BACK WITH BILL GATES!
♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
JOINING ME NOW IS THE CO-CHAIR OF THE BILL AND MELINDA GATES
FOUNDATION WHO'S WRITTEN A NEW BOOK CALLED "HOW TO AVOID A
CLIMATE DISASTER."
PLEASE WELCOME, BILL GATES!
BIGOT, THANKS FOR BEING HERE!
>> YOU GOT IT!
>> Stephen: NOW, WE'RE GOING TO GET TO CLIMATE AND HOW TO
AVOID THE AT THIS SISTER AND ALL THE AMAZING THINGS B THAT YOU
AND MELINDA DO AND THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR EFFORTS, BUT THE REASON
YOU CAN DO ALL THOSE THINGS IS THAT YOU'RE REALLY, REALLY,
REALLY RICH.
AND, SO, I WANT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION THAT I'VE INTERVIEWED
YOU MANY TIMES BUT I'VE NEVER ASKED YOU THE QUESTION AND IT'S
ALWAYS BEEN IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD AND EVERYBODY'S HEAD, WHAT
DOES IT FEEL LIKE WHEN YOU BECOME THE RICHEST MAN IN THE
WORLD?
IS THAT A GOOD FEELING?
>> WELL, THERE'S A RESPONSIBILITY TO GIVE THAT
MONEY BACK IN A SMART WAY.
>> Stephen: NOT EVERYBODY FEELS THAT RESPONSIBILITY,
THOUGH.
SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT'S NOT ENOUGH MONEY, GIVE ME MORE.
WELL, IT WAS GRATIFYING THE DREAM OF SOFTWARE THAT I HAD
BASICALLY CAME TRUE, AND NOW I GET TO GIVE IT AWAY.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A 400-FOOT RACING BOAT THAT HOVERS
ON LITTLE SKIS AND GOES AROUND THE WORLD, LIKE SUPER CRAZY RICH
GUY STUFF?
>> I OWN A Da VINCI NOTEBOOK, WHICH THAT'S PRETTY COOL.
>> Stephen: DING, DING, DING, DING, DING!
THE JUDGES!
YES, YES!
LAST QUESTION ON THIS AND WE'LL MOVE ON TO THE GOOD STUFF.
IN 2008, WHEN YOU WERE NO LONGER THE RICHEST MAN IN THE WORLD,
WHEN WARREN BUFFETT SNAKED IT AWAY FROM YOU, DID IT STING AT
ALL?
>> OH, NO, WARREN'S ALSO A HUGE CONTRIBUTOR TO THE GIVING OF THE
GATES FOUNDATION AND A VERY GOOD FRIEND OF MINE.
>> Stephen: OKAY, OKAY.
O -- >> Stephen: BUT YOU GOT IT
BACK IN 2009.
YOU WERE THE RICHEST MAN IN THE WORLD AGAIN.
AND THE THE NEXT YEAR CARLOS SLIM COMES IN.
DON'T TELL ME I'M BIG BUDDIES WITH CARLOS SLIM.
THAT HAD TO STING A LITTLE BIT.
YOU'RE A COMPETITIVE GUY.
>> YOU KNOW, THE REASON I SHOULD DROP ON THE LIST CONTINUOUSLY
BECAUSE OF GIVING MONEY AWAY AND, YOU KNOW, SOME DAY I WON'T
BE ON THE LIST AT ALL.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
I CAN HELP YOU WITH GIVING THAT MONEY STUFF AWAY.
I'M RIGHT HERE, AND I'M SUPER GOOD, GENEROUS GUY, TOO.
THINK OF ME AS A FUNNEL, A FUNNEL!
DADDY JUST TAKES A LITTLE OFF THE TOP, GETS HIS BEAK WET, AND
ALL THE PEOPLE I'LL HELP, YOU WILL LOVE IT.
THIS IS THE SECOND TIME YOU AND I HAVE SPOKEN DURING COVID.
WHICH I CAN'T BELIEVE.
EITHER YOU AND I TALK A LOT OR COVID HAS GONE ON A LONG TIME,
AND I THINK IT'S THE SECOND ONE.
YOU SAID BACK THEN THAT BASICALLY THIS IS GOING TO BE --
THE TIMELINE IS ALL GOING TO BE BASED ON DEVELOPMENT AND
DISTRIBUTION OF VACCINES.
WE'VE GOT THEM NOW.
WHAT'S THE TIMELINE FOR GOING BACK TO NORMAL, IF YOUR MIND?
>> WELL, IT'S REALLY PHENOMENAL WHAT THE VACCINE COMPANIES HAVE
DONE, AND, YOU KNOW, WE'RE STILL SUPPLY LIMITED, THE LOGISTICS
ARE STILL GETTING WORKED UP, BUT CERTAINLY BY SUMMER WE WILL BE
DEMAND LIMITED AND WE SHOULD GET TRUST THE VACCINE, WE'LL GET TO
A LEVEL WHERE OUR FALL WILL BE PRETTY NORMAL.
MAYBE SOME MASKS, MAYBE NOT BIG PUBLIC EVENTS, BUT ALL THE
SCHOOLS, RESTAURANTS AT SOME LEVEL, FALL WILL BE
COMPARATIVELY NORMAL.
>> Stephen: HALLOWEEN PARTIES?
THAT'S ON THE MARGIN.
IF YOU LIKE, SOCIAL DISTANCING STILL AT THAT POINT.
>> Stephen: YOU SAID THERE ARE PROBLEMS WITH INFRASTRUCTURE,
GETTING THE SUPPLY CHAIN GOING, CERTAINLY THERE WERE WEATHER
PROBLEMS LAST WEEK, WITH THE BIG BLIZZARDS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
COUNTRY GETTING IT OUT TO PEOPLE, AND, ALSO, ANTI-VAXXERS,
PEOPLE WHO ARE SAYING -- A GUY LITERALLY BUTTON HOLED ME IN THE
PARKING LOT OF MY GROCERY STORE THE OTHER DAY AND SAID I'VE GOT
TO SEND YOU DOCUMENTARIES ABOUT BILL GATES, DON'T TAKE THOSE
VACCINES.
I SAID, I'M GOING TO TAKE THE VACCINE.
IF HE PUTS A CHIP IN ME AND CONTROLS MY BODY, THAT'S FINE, I
JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO HUG MY INLAWS.
SO WHAT CAN BE DONE TO CONVINCE PEOPLE, IN YOUR MIND, THAT THE
VACCINE IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO AND DOES IT INVOLVE AT ALL
TALKING TO SULTANS, WHICH YOU DID IN SUB-SAHARAN AFRICA TO GET
PEOPLE TO TAKE THE POLIO VACCINE.
>> THE RUMORS WERE THAT WAS TO STERILE ITS WOMEN.
THE RULER MET WITH ME, IT WAS QUITE SOMETHING TO GO TO HIS
PALACE, BUT HE PERSONALLY HAD HIS KIDS TAKE THE VACCINE, AND
HAD ALL OF THE OTHER RELIGIOUS LEADERS, AND, SO, THAT MADE A
HUGE DIFFERENCE.
AND, SO, WE WERE ABLE TO ANNOUNCE THAT, WHILE POLIO WAS
COMPLETELY GONE FROM AFRICA LAST YEAR, WE'RE DOWN TO TWO
COUNTRIES, AND GETTING THESE MESSAGES OUT, YOU NEED TO FIGURE
OUT WHO PEOPLE TRUST, THAT THEY'LL FOLLOW, YOU KNOW, AND
WHETHER IT'S PEOPLE OF COLOR OR VARIOUS RELIGIOUS GROUPS.
WE SOMEHOW NEED TO GET THE WORD OUT, THIS IS QUITE AN AMAZING
VACCINE THAT HELPS EVERYONE.
>> Stephen: YOU WANT A TEAM OF PANDEMIC FIREFIGHTERS IN THE
FUTURE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?
>> WELL, WHEN SOMETHING LIKE THIS HITS YOU NEED PEOPLE WHOSE
SKILLS OF TRACKING INFECTIOUS DISEASE AND THE VARIANTS AND THE
NUMBERS THAT THEY ARE TOTALLY UP TO DATE AND READY TO GO.
AND, SO, IF WE HAVE THIS SORT OF FIRE SQUAD OF 3,000 PEOPLE WITH
THOSE SKILLS, THEY CAN BE WORKING ON MALARIA OR MEASLES,
BUT THEN WHEN ANY HINT OF THE PANDEMIC COMES, THEY'LL GO AND
SPECIALIZE AND REALLY TRY AND STOP IT BEFORE IT GETS
WIDESPREAD.
UNLESS YOU HAVE THOSE PEOPLE READY TO GO AND FULLY UP TO DATE
ON THEIR SKILLS, YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO CATCH IT EARLY.
>> Stephen: WELL, DURING THIS QUARANTINE, A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE
TAKEN UP SOME SIDE PROJECTS, LIKE, YOU KNOW, BAKING OR DOING
CROSSWORD PUZZLES.
YOU DID A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT ONE.
YOU WROTE THIS BOOK, HOW TO AVOID A CLIMATE CRISIS.
HOW DO WE AVOID IT, WHEN THE "NEW YORK TIMES" IS ALREADY
REPORTING THAT CLIMATE DISRUPTION IS ALREADY BAKED IN
TO OUR FUTURE?
>> WELL, WHAT WE DO AS FAST AS WE CAN, WE TAKE OUR CURRENT
EMISSIONS, WHICH IS 51 BILLION TONS, TO EQUIVALENTS
AND DROP IT ALL THE WAY TO ZERO.
NOW, THAT'S GOING TO BE VERY, VERY HARD.
IT WILL TAKE AT LEAST ALL 30 YEARS, WE'LL HAVE TO USE ALL OF
THOSE YEARS, AND THERE WILL HAVE TO BE A LOT OF INNOVATION.
SO WE HAVE TO LEARN, OKAY, ALL THE SOURCES OF EMISSIONS, NOT
JUST CARS, BUT ALSO MAKING THINGS LIKE STEEL AND COMMENT
AND AGRICULTURE, AVIATION FUEL.
BECAUSE OF ALL THOSE SOURCES, IT'S GOING TO REQUIRE A BROAD
SET OF INNOVATIVE COMPANIES AND POLICIES WHERE WE'RE BUYING
THESE GREEN PRODUCTS AND GETTING THE COST TO BE MUCH LOWER FOR
BEING GREEN.
>> Stephen: THESE CHALLENGES ARE ENORMOUS, AND CERTAINLY IN
THE UNITED STATES THE MOST BOLD PROPOSAL IS THE GREEN NEW DEAL,
THOUGH THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION ALSO HAS SOMS PROPOSALS THEY
HAVEN'T ROLLED OUT YET, BUT THEY CLAIM TO BE SWINGING FROM THE
FENCES.
WHO'S DOING A GOOD JOB IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW AT THIS?
WHO'S WORKING THE HARDEST TO PREVENT IT?
>> WELL, THE U.K. IS VERY IMPRESSIVE BECAUSE THEY HAVE
ALMOST NO COAL PLANTS LEFT, AND THEY WERE THE START OF THE COAL
BASED INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION.
THEY ARE GETTING THE OFFSHORE WIND TO COST A LOT LESS.
NORWAY BUYS THE MOST ELECTRIC CARS.
SO THERE'S A LOT OF LEADERS, BUT THE U.S. IS THE MOST IMPORTANT
BECAUSE WE CAN INNOVATE.
WE HAVE UNIVERSITIES, NATIONAL LABS, RISK CAPITOL.
WE LOOK TO THE WORLD TO MAKE ALL THESE GREEN PRODUCTS VERY CHEAP,
AND THAT WILL GIVE US A CHANCE TO EXPORT THOSE PRODUCTS AS
WELL.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT WHEN WE COME
BACK, I'LL ASK BILL GATES ABOUT THIS GUY.
STICK AROUND.
♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WE'RE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF "HOW TO AVOID A CLIMATE
DISASTER," BILL GATES.
GOVERNOR ABBOTT DOWN IN TEXAS SAYS THEIR PROBLEM WAS GREEN
ENERGY DOWN IN TEXAS.
THAT'S WHY THEY DIDN'T HAVE POWER, SO THE WATER SYSTEM SHUT
DOWN AND THE HEATERS SHUT DOWN AND THE PIPES BURST.
WHAT'S YOUR RESPONSE TO SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BLAME GREEN ENERGY
FOR THERE LATEST CRISIS?
>> WELL, THE PROBLEM WAS THEY DIDN'T WEATHERIZE ANY OF THEIR
POWER SOURCES, SO NATURAL GAS SHUT DOWN, AND THAT WAS THE
BIGGEST THING.
THE WIND SHUTTING DOWN WAS A VERY SMALL PERCENTAGE, AND THAT
WAS JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T WEATHERIZED IT.
EVEN NORTH DAKOTA HAS WIND THAT WORKS AT COLD TEMPERATURES.
THERE ARE TWO REALLY VALID POINTS HERE, THOUGH, WHICH IS
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE MORE OF THESE CRAZY WEATHER EVENTS, EVEN
COLD ONES LIKE THAT, BECAUSE OF CLIMATE CHANGE, AND, AS WE MAKE
THE GRID CLEAN, IT IS -- IT WILL BE A CHALLENGE TO KEEP IT
RELIABLE BECAUSE YOU CAN HAVE LOTS OF CASES WHERE THERE'S NOT
MUCH SUN OR WIND, SO WE HAVE TO INNOVATE TO BE ABLE TO STORE
ENERGY OR USE A WEATHER-INDEPENDENT GREEN SOURCE
LIKE NUCLEAR.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
WELL, I MEAN, PEOPLE LOOK AT NUCLEAR A LITTLE ASKANCE, AND
I'M SURE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHY.
THERE HAVE BEEN NUCLEAR ACCIDENTS.
I'M NOT SURE IF YOU SAW H.B.O.'S SHEERS CHERNOBYL, BUT IT WAS A
BIT CHILLING, ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY THERE WOULD BE A
LARGE HUNK OF EASTERN EUROPE WOULD NOT BE INHABITABLE FOR
SEVERAL THOUSAND YEARS.
IS IT POSSIBLE TO DO NUCLEAR POWER SAFELY?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
WE NEED A NEW DESIGN.
THE RECORD, DESPITE CHERNOBYL, DESPITE WHAT COAL HAS DONE TO
PEOPLE'S HEALTH AND COAL MINUS AND NATURAL GAS PIPELINES
BLOWING UP, IT'S QUITE GOOD, BUT IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
SO WE NEED TO START FROM SCRATCH AND HAVE A REACTOR THAT THE
OPERATES CAN NEVER MESS UP, THAT NO MATTER WHAT, THE RADIOACTIVE
STUFF STAYS ON SITE, AND I'M INVOLVED IN A COMPANY THAT JUST
GOT A U.S. GOVERNMENT CONTRACT TO PROVE THAT THERE'S THIS NEW
SUPER SAFE GENERATION.
>> Stephen: UM, NOT TO PUSH BACK AGAINST SOMEONE WHO KNOWS
MORE ABOUT THIS THAN I DO, BUT ISN'T THE DANGER WITH NUCLEAR
REACTORS NOT SO MUCH THAT OTHER FORMS OF ENERGY DON'T KILL
PEOPLE IN THE LONG RUN, BUT THAT A LARGE CHUNK OF THE PLANET
DOESN'T BECOME UNINHABITABLE AS A RESULT OF AN ACCIDENT WHEN
NUCLEAR RADIATION IS SPREAD LIKE A POISONOUS SAUCE OVER UKRAINE?
>> NO, THE CHERNOBYL WAS A HUGE DISASTER, AND, YOU KNOW, THE
RADIOACTIVE MATERIAL SPREAD OUT OF THE REACTOR, AND, YOU KNOW,
PEOPLE HAD TO LEAVE THAT AREA.
AND, YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE STUFF IN THE REACTOR.
IT IS, YOU KNOW -- IT -- THE HISTORY IS CLEAR, BUT, GOING
FORWARD, PEOPLE SHOULD JUST HAVE AN OPEN MIND BECAUSE YOU WANT A
GREEN SOURCE OF ENERGY THAT'S NOT WEATHER DEPENDENT, AND
NUCLEAR IS THE ONLY THING THAT HAS A CHANCE OF SCALING THAT
WELL, AND, YOU KNOW, I'M AMAZED AT THE BRILLIANT THINGS PEOPLE
HAVE COME UP WITH TO BE ABLE TO GUARANTEE THIS, AND NOW WE CAN
SIMULATE ALL THE BAD THINGS THAT MGHT HAPPEN TO MAKE SURE WE'RE
ROBUST.
>> Stephen: AT 65 YEARS OLD, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO
SAY TO THIS GUY FROM 37 YEARS AGO?
YOU SEE THIS FELLOW RIGHT HERE?
>> YEAH, HE WAS A MAD MAN.
HE WORKED ALL THE TIME.
HE DIDN'T THINK OLD PEOPLE HAD ANY GOOD IDEAS, SO I WOULD TELL
THEM TO MELLOW ON THAT ONE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: ARE THERE ANY
THINGS YOU WOULD SAY LIKE, DON'T DO THAT, DON'T PURSUE THAT
PROJECT?
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WOULD WAVE HIM OFF.
>> BE NICE TO THE GOVERNMENT.
>> Stephen: BE NICE TO THE GOVERNMENT?
WHY?
WAS THIS GUY JUST A LITTLE CREEP TO THE GOVERNMENT?
>> NO, NO, HE EVENTUALLY GOT INTO AN ANTITRUST TRIAL.
>> Stephen: OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S RIGHT.
AND WAS HE RIGHT OR WRONG FOR DEFENDING HIS ACTIONS?
>> UH, I'M TOO BIASED TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE IMMINENTLY FAIR TO YOURSELF.
( LAUGHTER ) WELL, BILL, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR BEING HERE.
>> WELL, THANKS.
GREAT TO TALK TO YOU.
>> Stephen: I WAS WAITING FOR A THANKS BACK.
THAT'S ALL.
CAN'T BELIEVE HOW HARD I HAD TO FISH FOR THAT ONE.
( LAUGHTER ) HOW DO AVOID A CLIMATE DISASTER
IS AVAILABLE NOW.
BILL GATES, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY "TUNE-YARDS."
♪♪♪
>> Stephen: AND NOW PERFORMING "HOLD YOURSELF" FROM THEIR
FORTHCOMING ALBUM "SKETCHY," "TUNE-YARDS."
>> ♪ PARENTS ARE CHILDREN PARENTS ARE CHILDREN
♪ PARENTS WERE CHILDREN ALL OF THE TIME
♪ PARENTS THEY MADE US THEY TRIED TO RAISE US
♪ BUT PARENTS BETRAYED US EVEN WHEN THEY TRIED
♪ THEY HELD US CLOSE AND DEAR AND TOLD US LIES THAT THEY'VE
♪ BEEN TELLING THEMSELVES FOR YEARS
♪ THEY'LL SUFFOCATE ME SO I HOLD MYSELF NOW
♪ I HAVE TO HOLD MYSELF NOW NO CHOICE OF WHEN
♪ AND I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT I WILL HOLD MYSELF NOW
♪ CHILD, I WON'T HAVE YOU I CANNOT HAVE YOU
♪ CHILD I WON'T HAVE YOU AND I'M TELLING YOU WHY
♪ I CANNOT MEND THIS I HAVE TO HAND THIS
♪ I CAN'T PRETEND WITHOUT A BREAK IN SIGHT
♪ OH, I HOLD YOU CLOSE AND DEAR AND TELL YOU LIES THAT I'VE BEEN
♪ TELLING MYSELF FOR YEARS I'LL SUFFOCATE YOU SO YOU
♪ HOLD YOURSELF NOW YOU HAVE TO HOLD YOURSELF NOW
♪ NO CHOICE OF WHEN AND WHO KNOWS HOW
♪ BUT YOU WILL HOLD YOURSELF NOW WE ALL HAVE DOUBTS
♪ WE ALL HAVE DOUBTS WE ALL HAVE RAGE
♪ WE ALL HAVE RAGE WE ALL HAVE TROUBLE BEING BRAVE
♪ ENOUGH TO TURN THE PAGE WE ALL HAVE TROUBLE BEING BRAVE
♪ ENOUGH BUT WE WILL
♪ HOLD OURSELVES NOW YES, WE WILL HOLD OURSELVES NOW
♪ NO CHOICE OF WHEN AND WHO KNOWS HOW
♪ BUT WE WILL HOLD OURSELVES NOW HOLD OURSELVES NOW
♪ YES, WE WILL HOLD OURSELVES NOW
♪ SO WE WILL HOLD OURSELVES NOW ♪ NO CHOICE OF WHEN AND WE ARE
LEARNING HOW ♪ SO WE WILL HOLD OURSELVES NOW
WE ALL HAVE DOUBTS ♪ WE ALL HAVE DOUBTS
WE ALL HAVE RAGE ♪ WE ALL HAVE RAGE
WE ALL HAVE TROUBLE BEING BRAVE ♪ ENOUGH TO TURN THE PAGE WE ALL
HAVE TROUBLE BEING BRAVE ENOUGH ♪ WE ALL HAVE DOUBTS WE ALL HAVE
DOUBTS ♪ WE ALL HAVE RAGE WE ALL HAVE
RAGE ♪ WE ALL HAVE TROUBLE BEING
BRAVE ENOUGH TO TURN THE PAGE ♪ WE ALL HAVE TROUBLE BEING
BRAVE ENOUGH >> STEPHEN: TUNE-YARDS,
EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE BILLIE EILISH AND
JOURNALISTS ANNA PALMER AND JAKE SHERMAN.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.
♪♪♪ Captioning sponsored by CBS
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH