>> PEOPLE CLOSE TO FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP INDICATE THAT HE
WAS FURIOUS YESTERDAY WATCHING HIS LEGAL TEAM PRESENT THEIR
CASE.
THE PRESIDENT-- FORMER PRESIDENT NEARLY YELLING AT HIS TELEVISION
WATCHING BRUCE CASTOR MEANDER AND RAMBLE THROUGH HIS
PRESENTATION.
>> MY NAME IS BRUCE CASTOR.
I AM THE LEAD PROSECUTOR-- LEAD COUNSEL FOR THE 45th PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES.
I KEEP SAYING "PROSECUTOR," BUT I DO UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE,
MR. RASKIN.
REPRESENTATIVE SO-AND-SO SEEKS TO WALK BACK COMMENTS ABOUT--
I FORGET WHAT IT WAS.
SOMETHING THAT BOTHERED HER.
I THOUGHT THAT THE HOUSE MANAGERS WHO SPOKE EARLIER WERE
BRILLIANT SPEAKERS ( HUMMING )
♪ ♪ ♪ >> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'LL BE
FRANK.
THE PROSECUTION REALLY NAILED IT.
HATS OFF.
MY NAME IS BRUCE CASTOR.
I AM A DEFENSIVE TACKLE-- I MEAN, DEFENSE ATTORNEY.
I CHASED A SQUIRREL INTO THE BUILDING, AND THAT IS WHY I'M
HERE TODAY.
THE POINT IS, MY CLIENT-- WHAT'S HIS FACE-- SEEKS TO PROVE-- I
FORGOT WHAT IT WAS-- AND SO ON.
IN MY BRIEFCASE, I HAVE DEFINITIVE PROOF THAT I LOVE
FUDGE.
YOU'RE ALL WELCOME TO A PIECE.
( PASSES GAS ) PLEASE EXCUSE ME.
I HAD CHILI FOR LUNCH!
IN THE NAME OF GOD, SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!
NOW, LET'S EAT FUDGE.
>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: Trial and terror.
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES: KRISTIN WIGG
AND FROM "CLARICE" REBECCA BREEDS
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE oN TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE
BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
IT IS DAY TWO OF THE SECOND IMPEACHMENT TRIAL OF THE
SAME EX-PRESIDENT AND, TURNS OUT, IT'S EVEN WORSE THAN WE
THOUGHT.
I GOT TO TELL YOU, I CAME INTO THIS WITH MY "IT'S PRETTY BAD"
SEPTIC TANK ALREADY BRIMMING OVER.
BUT TODAY, POINT BY POINT, WITH NEW VIDEO AND AUDIO AND MAPS,
DEMOCRATIC HOUSE MANAGERS LAID OUT-- IN HORRIFYING, CLINICAL
DETAIL-- THE TRAGIC STORY OF WHAT HAPPENED AT THE
EX-PRESIDENT'S RALLY AND AT THE U.S. CAPITOL ON JANUARY 6, WHEN
THE SEAT OF OUR GOVERNMENT AND OUR DEMOCRACY ITSELF WAS
ATTACKED BY THE EX-PRESIDENT'S VIOLENT MOB, ALL BECAUSE ONE
SAD, ANGRY OLD MAN DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO ACCEPT THAT HE LOST.
SO, LET'S DO SOME JOKES!
WE'LL GIVE YOU THE HIGHLIGHTS OF THE LOW LIFES IN TONIGHT'S
"DON AND THE GIANT IMPEACH 2: GO FAST, WE'RE FURIOUS."
>> DID I HIT IT LONG?
IS TRUMP STRONG?
>> LOOK OUT!
JEEPERS!
WHOA!
LOOK OUT!
I DON'T WEAR A TOUPEE!
>> Stephen: AFTER PLAYING A VERY EMOTIONALLY AFFECTING VIDEO
RECAP OF THE JANUARY 6 ATTACK TO LEAD OFF YESTERDAY'S SESSION,
TODAY, HOUSE MANAGERS PROMISED NEVER-SEEN-BEFORE SECURITY VIDEO
OF THE CAPITOL RIOT.
THAT'S RIGHT, THERE'S EVEN MORE HARD-TO-WATCH VIDEO.
NEXT UP, DELETED SCENES FROM "CATS."
AT THE START OF TODAY'S TRIAL, THE HOME AUDIENCE RECEIVED A
WARNING FROM HOUSE IMPEACHMENT MANAGER JAMIE RASKIN.
>> BECAUSE THE INSURRECTION BROUGHT SHOCKING VIOLENCE,
BLOODSHED, AND PAIN IN THE NATION'S CAPITOL, AND WE WILL BE
SHOWING RELEVANT CLIPS OF THE MOB'S ATTACK ON POLICE OFFICERS
AND OTHER INNOCENT PEOPLE, WE DO URGE PARENTS AND TEACHERS TO
EXERCISE CLOSE REVIEW OF WHAT YOUNG PEOPLE ARE WATCHING HERE.
AND PLEASE WATCH ALONG WITH THEM IF YOU ARE ALLOWING THEM TO
WATCH.
>> Stephen: ( AS ERIC )
"YOU HAVE TO WATCH WITH ME, DAD!
THE IMPEACHMENT MAN SAID SO!
HEY, LOOK, DAD!
THEY'RE SHOWING VIDEO OF YOUR FRIENDS BREAKING WINDOWS AND
CHANTING YOUR NAME, JUST LIKE YOU WANTED 'EM TO!
STOP THE STEAL!
HUG ME ONCE!
JUST ONCE."
HOUSE MANAGERS LEFT NO DOUBT ABOUT WHO WAS TO BLAME FOR THE
CAPITOL RIOT, AS RASKIN EXPLAINED.
>> THE EVIDENCE WILL SHOW YOU THAT EX-PRESIDENT TRUMP WAS NO
INNOCENT BYSTANDER.
THE EVIDENCE WILL SHOW THAT HE CLEARLY INCITED THE JANUARY 6
INSURRECTION.
IT WILL SHOW THAT DONALD TRUMP SURRENDERED HIS ROLE AS
COMMANDER IN CHIEF AND BECAME THE "INCITER IN CHIEF."
>> Stephen: THAT'S A NICE TURN OF PHRASE.
I WOULD HAVE GONE WITH "COUP-MANDER IN CHEAT."
BUT POTATO, P-FASCIST.
RASKIN SAID THIS CASE WAS MUCH WORSE THAN JUST SOMEBODY YELLING
"FIRE" IN A CROWDED THEATER.
>> IT'S MORE LIKE LIKE A CASE WHERE THE TOWN FIRE CHIEF, WHO
IS PAID TO PUT OUT FIRES, SENDS A MOB NOT TO YELL "FIRE" IN A
CROWDED THEATER, BUT TO ACTUALLY SET THE THEATER ON FIRE.
AND WHO THEN, WHEN THE FIRE START FLOODING INTO THE FIRE
DEPARTMENT ASKING FOR HELP, DOES NOTHING BUT SIT BACK, ENCOURAGE
THE MOB TO CONTINUE ITS RAMPAGE, AND WATCH THE FIRE SPREAD ON TV
WITH GLEE AND DELIGHT.
>> Stephen: OKAY, THAT'S A VERY GOOD METAPHOR.
I WOULD ONLY ALSO ADD THAT THE FIRE STEALS A BUNCH OF PROPERTY
AND POOPS ON THE RUG.
THEN WE GOT TO HEAR FROM COLORADO REPRESENTATIVE JOE
NEGUSE, WHO LAID OUT HOW CLEARLY THE PRESIDENT TELEGRAPHED THE
ATTACK ON THE CAPITOL.
>> HE DIDN'T JUST TELL THEM TO "FIGHT LIKE HELL."
HE TOLD THEM HOW, WHERE, AND WHEN.
HE MADE SURE THEY HAD ADVANCED NOTICE, 18 DAYS' ADVANCE NOTICE.
HE SENT HIS "SAVE THE DATE" FOR JANUARY 6.
>> Stephen: YES, HE SENT A "SAVE THE DATE" FOR HIS INSURRECTION.
PLUS, HE REGISTERED AT BED, BATH, AND BE ARMED.
NEGUSE MADE ONE THING PERFECTLY CLEAR.
>> THE PRESIDENT HAD EVERY REASON TO KNOW THAT THIS WOULD
HAPPEN, BECAUSE HE ASSEMBLED THE MOB, HE SUMMONED THE MOB, AND HE
INCITED THE MOB.
>> Stephen: WORD IS HE HAS ALSO GOT A LOT OF CONNECTIONS TO THE
MOB, BUT THE MANHATTAN D.A. WILL
LOOK INTO THAT.
THEN WE HEARD FROM CONGRESSWOMAN MADELEINE DEAN, WHO INTRODUCED
HERSELF COMPLETELY.
>> I AM LAWYER.
I'M A FORMER PROFESSOR OF WRITING.
I'M A SISTER.
I'M A WIFE.
I'M A MOTHER.
I'M A GRANDMOTHER TO THREE WITH FOURTH ON HER WAY.
I AM A PERSON OF FAITH.
AND I AM AN AMERICAN.
>> Stephen: ( AS DEAN )
I'M A JOKER, I'M A SMOKER, I'M A MIDNIGHT TOKER
SOME PEOPLE CALL ME THE SPACE COWBOY.
SOME CALL ME THE GANGSTER OF LOVE
SOME PEOPLE CALL ME MAURICE, TO WHICH I SAY "REEREEAAWRR!
( LAUGHTER ) THEN THE HOUSE MANAGERS TOOK IT
INTO OVERDRIVE WITH SECURITY VIDEO THAT HASN'T BEEN SEEN BY
THE PUBLIC BEFORE.
FIRST UP WAS VIRGIN ISLAND DELEGATE STACY PLASKETT.
SHE HIGHLIGHTED THE ACTIONS OF OFFICER EUGENE GOODMAN, WHO
FAMOUSLY MOVED THE RIOTERS AWAY FROM THE UNPROTECTED SENATE
CHAMBER, SAVING LIVES.
BUT SHE ALSO REVEALED ANOTHER HEROIC MOVE BY GOODMAN THAT DAY
THAT WE HADN'T KNOWN ABOUT BEFORE.
>> IN THIS SECURITY FOOTAGE, YOU CAN SEE OFFICER GOODMAN RUNNING
TO RESPOND TO THE INITIAL BREACH.
OFFICER GOODMAN PASSES SENATOR MITT ROMNEY AND DIRECTS HIM TO
TURN AROUND IN ORDER TO GET TO SAFETY.
>> Stephen: KEEP IN MIND, THOSE MANIACS WOULD HAVE LOVED TO HAVE
GOTTEN THEIR HANDS ON MITT ROMNEY, WHO VOTED TO IMPEACH THE
FORMER PRESIDENT THE LAST TIME HE DESERVED IT.
SO IT'S HARD TO SEE IN THAT VIDEO, BUT GOODMAN ACTUALLY
SAVED TWO PEOPLE IN THAT MOMENT: MITT ROMNEY AND
PIERRE DELECTO.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU CAN LOOK IT UP.
THAT'S TRUE.
AND YOU'LL GO, "WHY IS THAT TRUE?"
BUT IT'S TRUE.
DELEGATE PLASKETT SHOWED JUST HOW CLOSE THE MOB GOT TO MIKE
PENCE.
>> WHILE ALL OF THIS WAS GOING ON, VICE PRESIDENT PENCE WAS
STILL IN THE ROOM NEAR THE SENATE CHAMBER.
IT WAS NOT UNTIL 2:26 THAT HE WAS EVACUATED TO A SECURE
LOCATION.
YOU CAN SEE VICE PRESIDENT PENCE AND HIS FAMILY QUICKLY MOVED
DOWN THE STAIRS.
THE VICE PRESIDENT TURNS AROUND BRIEFLY AS HE IS HEADED DOWN.
AS PENCE WAS BEING EVACUATED, RIOTERS STARTED TO SPREAD
THROUGHOUT THE CAPITOL.
THE MOB WAS LOOKING FOR VICE PRESIDENT PENCE BECAUSE OF HIS
PATRIOTISM, BECAUSE THE VICE PRESIDENT HAD REFUSED TO DO WHAT
THE PRESIDENT DEMANDED AND OVERTURN ELECTION RESULTS.
>> Stephen: THIS IS A STRANGE AND DISTURBING DAY IN OUR
NATION'S HISTORY, NOT JUST BECAUSE REPUBLICAN SENATORS ARE
WILLING TO IGNORE A NEAR-FATAL ATTACK ON THEIR OWN VICE
PRESIDENT, BUT BECAUSE TODAY, IT'S POSSIBLE TO BE GRATEFUL TO
MIKE PENCE.
DELEGATE PLASKETT ALSO SHOWED THIS VIDEO OF A MAGA RIOTER
CALLING OUT THE VICE PRESIDENT.
>> PENCE LIED TO US.
HE'S A TOTAL TREANSONOUS PIG, AND HIS NAME WILL BE MUD
FOREVER.
NOW THE REAL BATTLE BEGINS, AND IT LOOKS LIKE THE AMERICAN
PEOPLE ARE VERY PISSED.
SO GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
PEACE OUT.
>> PEACE OUT.
>> Stephen: PEACE OUT, DURING A VIOLENT ATTACK ON OUR SEAT OF
GOVERNMENT.
CAN YOU IMAGINE A MORE CASUALLY FASCIST WAY TO ADDRESS THAT MOB?
OH, RIGHT.
THANKS, KID HITLER.
NOT MINE.
I WISH IT WAS.
DESPITE THE POWERFUL EVIDENCE SUPPLIED BY THE HOUSE MANAGERS
AND OBJECTIVE REALITY, MANY G.O.P. SENATORS SEEMED TO BE
BARELY PAYING ATTENTION.
INSTEAD, THEY WERE SEEN EXPLICITLY NOT LISTENING:
FEET UP ON THEIR DESKS, READING BOOKS, AND READING BRIEFING
PAPERS ON OTHER TOPICS.
YES, OTHER, MORE INTERESTING TOPICS LIKE "HOW DOES HISTORY
TEND TO REMEMBER COWARDLY, FASCIST-ENABLING, WORTHLESS
PIECES OF GARBAGE?" SPEAKING OF WHICH-- MISSOURI
SENATOR JOSH HAWLEY, SEEN HERE SITTING WITH ALL HIS FRIENDS.
HAWLEY, OF COURSE, HELPED INCITE THE JANUARY 6 MOB BY BEING THE
FIRST SENATOR TO OPPOSE THE CERTIFICATION OF THE ELECTORAL
BALLOTS, WHICH IS WHY IT WASN'T TOTALLY SURPRISING THAT, DURING
THE HOUSE'S PRESENTATION, HE WAS SEEN SITTING UP IN THE GALLERY
WITH HIS FEET UP ON THE SEAT IN FRONT OF HIM, REVIEWING
PAPERWORK.
HE HAD HIS FEET UP ON THE FURNITURE?
WELL, GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE.
SO DO REALLY DUMB ONES.
HAWLEY DEFENDED HIS REMOVED POSITION, SAYING, "I'M SITTING
UP THERE: A., BECAUSE IT'S A LITTLE LESS CLAUSTROPHOBIC THAN
ON THE FLOOR.
BUT B., I'VE ALSO GOT A STRAIGHT SHOT."
MAYBE NOT THE BEST CHOICE OF WORDS TO CONVINCE US THAT YOU
WEREN'T ENCOURAGING THE ATTEMPTED MURDER OF YOUR
COLLEAGUES.
"I'M JUST SITTING UP HERE BECAUSE I'VE GOT A STRAIGHT SHOT
FROM THE BALCONY, OR A BOOK DEPOSITORY, OR A GRASSY KNOLL!
ANYWAY, I'M JUST SCOPIN' IT OUT."
CONGRESSWOMAN DEAN CLOSED BY EXPLAINING THAT SHE KNOWS WHO
INCITED THAT INSURRECTION, BECAUSE SHE WAS THERE TO
WITNESS IT.
>> JUST AFTER 2:10, AN HOUR AFTER PRESIDENT TRUMP ENDED HIS
SPEECH, THE INSURRECTIONIST MOB OVERWHELMED CAPITOL SECURITY AND
MADE IT INSIDE THE HALLS OF CONGRESS, BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS,
THIS ATTACK NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED BUT FOR DONALD TRUMP.
AND SO THEY CAME, DRAPED IN TRUMP'S FLAG, AND USED OUR FLAG,
THE AMERICAN FLAG, TO BATTER AND TO BLUDGEON.
AND AT 2:30, I HEARD THAT TERRIFYING BANGING ON THE HOUSE
CHAMBER DOORS.
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MORE THAN 200 YEARS, THE SEAT OF OUR
GOVERNMENT WAS RANSACKED ON OUR WATCH.
>> Stephen: I FEEL FOR REPRESENTATIVE DEAN AND ALL THE
HOUSE MANAGERS, BECAUSE NOT ONLY DID THEY WITNESS THE CAPITOL
UNDER ATTACK BY A MAGA-SUPPORTING MOB ON JANUARY 6
BUT ALSO BECAUSE TODAY, THEY HAD TO PRESENT EVIDENCE AND BEAR
PERSONAL WITNESS TO THAT ATTACK IN FRONT OF REPUBLICAN SENATORS
DESPERATELY TRYING TO IGNORE THAT TRUTH AND DESPERATELY
TRYING TO TREAT IT LIKE IT WAS A WASTE OF TIME.█ç
BUT IT'S NOT A WASTE OF TIME, BECAUSE WHETHER OR NOT THE
EX-PRESIDENT IS IMPEACHED, AND WHETHER OR NOT THEY VOTE TO
DO THE RIGHT THING TO KEEP HIM FROM HOLDING OFFICE AGAIN, IT IS
IMPORTANT THAT ONE TIME, AS A NATION, WE LOOK THIS STRAIGHT
IN THE FACE, AND AS IT IS LAID OUT DEFINITIVELY, FOR THE
UNPRECEDENTED AND PRE-MEDITATED VIOLATION THAT IT IS.
BECAUSE ONLY BY FACING THIS TRUTH WILL WE HAVE ANY HOPE OF
STOPPING IT FROM HAPPENING AGAIN.
ALSO, I'M PRETTY CONVINCED IT WASN'T ANTIFA NOW.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUESTS ARE KRISTEN WIIG, AND CLARICE OF "CLARICE," REBECCA
BREEDS.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, MORE MONOLOGUE.
MORE STUFF HAPPENED.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY.
TODAY WE HEARD ONLY FROM THE HOUSE IMPEACHMENT MANAGERS.
THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S LAWYERS HAD THE DAY OFF, AND THEY
NEEDED IT, BECAUSE THEY'RE STILL IN RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY FROM
PUNCHING THEMSELVES IN THE FACE FOR TWO HOURS YESTERDAY.
THEY'RE SWEEPING UP TEETH LIKE CHICKLETS.
THE REVIEWS ARE IN, AND THEY ARE TERRIBLE, ESPECIALLY FOR LEAD
DEFENSE ATTORNEY AND MAN BOMBING THIS AUDITION FOR BILLY FLYNN IN
"CHICAGO," BRUCE CASTOR.
THE CRITICISM WAS ESPECIALLY HARSH FROM REPUBLICANS.
TEXAS SENATOR JOHN CORNYN SAID CASTOR "JUST RAMBLED ON AND ON
AND ON."
MAINE'S SUSAN COLLINS SAID SHE WAS "PERPLEXED."
AND LISA MURKOWSKI ADDED, "I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHERE HE WAS
GOING.
HE SPENT 45 MINUTES GOING SOMEWHERE, BUT I DON'T THINK HE
HELPED WITH US BETTER UNDERSTANDING WHERE HE WAS
COMING FROM."
"PERPLEXED," RAMBLED," "COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHERE HE WAS COMING
FROM"?
IS THIS AN IMPEACHMENT OR CHRISTOPHER NOLAN'S "TENET"?
JUST MAKE A LINEAR MOVIE FOR ONCE, CHRIS!
A THING HAPPENS, ANOTHER THING HAPPENS BECAUSE OF THE FIRST
THING, AND THEN PEOPLE FEEL SOME WAY ABOUT THOSE THINGS
HAPPENING.
ROLL CREDITS.
MAYBE PUT SOME BLOOPERS IN THE CREDITS, OKAY?
WORKED FOR BURT REYNOLDS!
IT WILL WORK FOR YOU.
THE HARSHEST REVIEW CAME FROM LOUISIANA REPUBLICAN AND MAN AT
WORK REALIZING HE FORGOT TO TAKE HIS KIDS TO SCHOOL, BILL
CASSIDY.
( LAUGHTER ) CASSIDY HAD VOTED IN SUPPORT OF
RAND PAUL'S EARLIER MOTION THAT IT'S UNCONSTITUTIONAL TO IMPEACH
A FORMER PRESIDENT, BUT HE SWITCHED SIDES YESTERDAY AND
EXPLAINED WHY.
>> IT WAS DISORGANIZED, RANDOM, HAD NOTHING.
THEY TALKED ABOUT MANY THINGS, BUT THEY DIDN'T TALK ABOUT
THE ISSUE AT HAND.
AND SO, IF I'M AN IMPARTIAL JUROR AND I'M TRYING TO MAKE A
DECISION BASED UPON THE FACTS AS PRESENTED ON THIS ISSUE, THEN
THE HOUSE MANAGERS DID A MUCH BETTER JOB.
>> Stephen: WOW, A REPUBLICAN SENATOR LOOKED AT EVIDENCE AND
ACTED ACCORDINGLY.
IT'S A LOW BAR, BUT RIGHT NOW, IT'S THE ONLY ONE WE'VE GOT.
CHEERS, SENATOR!
MMM ( WHISTLES )
THERE WAS ONE PERSON WHO DIDN'T THINK BRUCE CASTOR DID A BAD
JOB: BRUCE CASTOR.
ASKED ABOUT CASSIDY'S FLIP TO THE OTHER SIDE, CASTOR CROWED:
"WE ONLY LOST ONE, SO I BELIEVE WE HAD A GOOD DAY."
HOT TIP: NEVER HIRE BRUCE CASTOR AS YOUR LAWYER OR YOUR
BABYSITTER.
"LOOK, JUST PUT EVERYONE TO BED.
KACIE AND MAGGIE ATE ALL THEIR VEGETABLES.
WE ONLY LOST ONE KID, BUT TREVOR WAS PRETTY MOUTHY, SO I THINK
WE HAD A GOOD DAY!" AT THE END OF THE DAY, CASTOR
DIDN'T SEEM TO THINK THE BAD REVIEWS WERE A BIG DEAL.
"YOU PUT 100 PEOPLE IN THE SAME ROOM, YOU'RE GOING TO GET 100
DIFFERENT OPINIONS."
YEAH, MAYBE SO, BUT PRETTY SURE THE OBJECTIVE OF A TRIAL IS TO
GET THE WHOLE JURY TO HAVE THE SAME OPINION.
NAMELY, THAT YOUR CLIENT DIDN'T DO IT.
THAT'S WHY THE MOVIE ISN'T CALLED "12 MEN WHO ALL FEEL
DIFFERENTLY."
THE ONE MAN WHO REALLY DID NOT ENJOY CASTOR'S PERFORMANCE WAS
HIS CLIENT, BECAUSE, REPORTEDLY, DURING CASTOR'S OPENING
STATEMENT, THE USED-POTUS WAS "ALMOST SCREAMING" AT
THE TV.
WHEN HAS HE EVER "ALMOST" SCREAMED?
BACK IN THE WHITE HOUSE, THE TVs HAD SO MUCH SPITTLE ON THEM,
THEY CAME WITH WIPER BLADES.
NOW, THE IMPEACHMENT, STRANGELY IS ACTUALLY THE SECOND BIGGEST
STORY FROM THE LEGAL WORLD, BECAUSE YESTERDAY, THIS FOOTAGE
WENT VIRAL OF A TEXAS COURT HEARING WHERE ONE OF THE
LAWYERS GOT STUCK BEHIND A ZOOM FILTER.
SEE IF YOU CAN GUESS WHICH ONE: >> MR. PONTON, I BELIEVE YOU
HAVE A FILTER TURNED ON IN THE VIDEO SETTINGS.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO, UH-- >> AH!
WE'RE TRYING TO-- WE'RE TRYING TO-- CAN YOU HEAR ME, JUDGE?
>> I CAN HEAR YOU.
I THINK IT'S A FILTER.
>> IT IS.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO REMOVE IT.
I'VE GOT MY ASSISTANT HERE.
SHE'S TRYING TO, UH...
I'M PREPARED TO GO FORWARD WITH IT.
I'M HERE LIVE.
I'M NOT-- I'M NOT A CAT.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: OBJECTION, YOUR
HONOR!
THE OPPOSING COUNSEL IS CLEARLY A CAT!
I MOVE TO HAVE HIM DISBARRED AND DE-CLAWED!
THIS IS THE ULTIMATE VIRAL VIDEO FOR THE PANDEMIC, BECAUSE AT
THIS POINT, I'VE ALSO TURNED INTO A CAT.
I SLEEP 18 HOURS A DAY, I EAT EVERYTHING OUT OF A BOWL WITH MY
FACE, AND I BATHE SLIGHTLY LESS THAN A CAT, ONLY BECAUSE MY
TONGUE WON'T REACH EVERYWHERE!
THE NAME OF THE LAWYER IN THAT VIDEO IS ROD PONTON.
"PAWWWWN-TON?" REALLY, MISTER "I'M NOT A
CAT"?
THAT'S WHAT YOU CAME UP WITH?
"UH, MY NAME?
IT'S, UHH, ROD...
PAWNTON.
I MEAN, PHIL LITTER BOX.
I MEAN, CHASE LASER POINTER!" ALSO, NOTICE THAT THE ZOOM HAS A
WARNING THAT SAYS "RECORDING OF THIS HEARING IS PROHIBITED.
VIOLATION MAY RESULT IN A JAIL TERM OF UP TO 180 DAYS."
AND I WANT TO SALUTE WHOEVER RISKED JAIL TO BRING US THIS
MOMENT OF JOY.
"WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR?" "MULTIPLE HOMICIDE."
WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR?" "FUNNY CAT LAWYER."
"THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE."
STILL, AS AWKWARD AS THIS WAS, THIS MAY BE THE ONLY WAY TO
IMPROVE THE EX-PRESIDENT'S IMPEACHMENT DEFENSE.
>> MY NAME IS BRUCE CASTOR.
I AM THE LEAD PROSECUTOR-- LEAD COUNSEL FOR THE 45th PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES.
>> Stephen: NAH, HE STILL SUCKS.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH KRISTEN WIIG.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACTOR AND WRITER YOU KNOW FROM
"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," "WONDER WOMAN 1984," AND "BRIDESMAIDS."
PLEASE WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW," KRISTEN WIIG!
HEY, KRISTEN.
>> HI, HI!
>> Stephen: HEY, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
>> I'M SO-- I'M VERY EXCITED TO BE HERE, VERY EXCITED.
>> Stephen: I'M EXCITED BECAUSE I'VE BEEN A FAN OF YOURS
FOR A LONG TIME BUT WE HAVEN'T MET-- I DON'T THINK WE MET
CASUALLY AT ONE OF THOSE THINGS WHERE YOU CASUALLY RUN INTO
PEOPLE WHO DO THE SAME JOB.
IT'S LOVELY TO HAVE YOU HERE.
YOU'RE LOOKING VERY CHIC AND FLORAL.
>> THANKS.
I THOUGHT I WOULD TRY AND WEAR SOMETHING HAPPY.
>> Stephen: IT IS GOOD.
WE NEED IT NOW MORE THAN EVER, MORE THAN EVER.
THAT'S WHY I HAVE BROWN WALLPAPER.
THAT'S MY WAY TO TRY TO RAISE AMERICA'S SPIRITS.
YOU ARE PARTICULARLY-- I'M PARTICULARLY IMPRESSED BY YOU
BEING SO PUT TOGETHER BECAUSE YOU ARE THE MOTHER OF TWO SMALL
CHILDREN.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: OF THE BABIES.
LIKE LESS THAN A YEAR OLD, LIKE BABY-BABIES.
>> BABY-BABY-BABIES.
YES, THEY'RE TINY LITTLE, LOUD BABY S.
>> Stephen: ARE WE CRUISING AT THIS POINT?
>> WE'RE CRUISING, CRAWLING.
THEY'RE VERY CLOSE TO-- TO STARTING TO REALLY WALK AROUND.
>> Stephen: THEY CAN FIGHT BACK.
THEY CAN FIGHT BACK.
>> YEAH, THEY CAN FIGHT BACK.
>> Stephen: VERY SOON.
AND THERE ARE TWO OF THEM.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: AND THEY'LL TEAM UP.
>> AND THEIR TWINS SO THEY'LL GANG UP.
>> Stephen: THEY HAVE THE LANGUAGE.
YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND A THING THEY SAY.
WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE A YOUNG PARENT WITH TWO KIDS DURING
COVID.
"A," YOU WANT TO SHOW THEM TO PEOPLE AND YOU CAN'T REALLY DO
THAT TOO MUCH.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: BUT, "B," YOU'RE TRAPPED INSIDE.
>> WE'RE TRAPPED.
WE'RE TRAPPED.
AND, I MEAN-- WELL, WE TAKE THEM OUTSIDE.
WE DON'T JUST LEAVE THEM-- WE GO FOR WALKS.
BUT THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT.
AND THEY-- YEAH, THEY'RE LIKE QUARANTINE BABIES.
THEY DON'T-- THEY DON'T SEE PEOPLE.
AND WHEN THEY DO SEE PEOPLE, THEY'RE JUST LIKE...
LIKE SOMEONE RODE A BIKE BY US, AND THEY WERE JUST LIKE-- THEIR
BRAINS EXPLODED.
THEY'RE LIKE, "THERE ARE MORE OF OF US!
."
>> Stephen: WE THOUGHT YOU WERE THE ONLY BIG ONES.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE GOT A-- THE NEW MOVIE "BARB AND STAR GO TO
VISTA DEL MAR."
I-- I-- THE PEOPLE I TRUST MOST IN THE WORLD EYE HAVEN'T HAD A
CHANCE TO SEE IT YET MYSELF, JUST CARDS ON THE TABLE, BUT
PEOPLE-- >> I APPRECIATE IT.
>> Stephen: THE PEOPLE I TRUST MOST IN THE WORLD THINK THIS IS
ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS EVER MADE.
THE JOKE-PER-MINUTE RATIO AND QUALITY JOKES AND SURREAL AND
STRANGE AND FUNNY AT THE SAME TIME.
PERFECT FOR COVID.
YOU WROTE WITH THIS YOUR COWRITER, M MUMOLO.
HOW DID THIS IDEA COME TO YOU?
>> WE STARTED DOING THESE CHARACTERS SPECIFICALLY WHEN WE
WERE WRITING "BRIDESMAIDS."
IT WAS KIND OF, LIKE, MAYA'S CHARACTER IS MOM, AND WE WROTE
ALL THESE SCENES WITH HER MOM TALKING TO HER FRIENDS ABOUT,
YOU KNOW, GOING TO COSCO AND YOU CAN BUY CLOTHES THERE.
AND THESE REALLY LONG SCENES.
AND WE WOULD TURN THEM IN, AND THEY WOULD BE LIKE, "GUYS, THIS
HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PLOT OF THE MOVIE."
BUT WE JUST FELL IN LOVE WITH THESE LADIES AND WE KIND OF JOBD
AROUND LIKE, "MAYBE ONE DAY WE'LL WRITE SOMETHING."
AND THEN WE KIND OF THOUGHT ABOUT THE TITLE FIRST, WHICH
PROBABLY ISN'T THE WAY YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IT.
BUT.
>> Stephen: SURE.
ASK YOU'RE STAR.
>> I'M STAR AND SHE'S BARB.
>> Stephen: AND ANNIE IS BARB.
STAR IS SHORT FOR, OF COURSE, STARBRA.
>> Stephen: AND BARB IS?
>> JUST BARB.
>> Stephen: JUST BARB.
NOT SHORT FOR ANYTHING.
HOW DID YOU-- YOU'VE GOT A GREAT MIDWESTERN ACCENT IN THIS.
HOW DID YOU-- WHERE DID YOU GET IT?
DO YOU HAVE ANY MIDWESTERN CRED?
>> NO, I DON'T.
ACTUALLY-- WELL, I'M FROM-- I MOVED TO ROCHESTER, NEW YORK,
WHEN I WAS IN, LIKE, EIGHTH GRADE.
AND THERE ARE PARTS OF ROCHESTER THAT HAVE THAT SORT OF, LIKE,
THAT "A."
LIKE CAHR.
JUST LIKE DOING THOSE CHARACTERS, I DON'T KNOW, THIS
SORT OF MIDWESTERN ACCENTS, YOU KNOW,.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A MIDWESTERN HOOK.
DO YOU HAVE A THING YOU HAVE TO SAY TO GET YOU INTO IT?
>> JUST BARB.
UNFORTUNATELY, HERS IS STAR, SO WE JUST START TALKING LIKE THAT.
I DON'T KNOW.
>> Stephen: SO WHAT HAPPENS?
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
>> WELL, IT'S ABOUT THESE TWO MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN WHO ARE FROM
THIS VERY SMALL TOWN, SOFT ROCK, NEBRASKA.
AND THEY ARE... THINGS HAPPEN IN THEIR LIFE WHERE THEY'RE SORT
OF, LIKE, FORCED TO QUESTION WHAT THEY'RE DOING, AND THEY
DECIDE TO GO ON THE FIRST VACATION THAT THEY'VE EVER HAD.
AND THEY GO TO THIS PLACE CALLED VISTA DEL MAR IN FLORIDA.
AND THEY GET KIND OF INVOLVED IN THIS VILLAIN'S PLOT TO KILL
EVERYONE IN THE TOWN ( LAUGHS )
IT'S HILARIOUS!
>> Stephen: AND JAIME DORNAN, O.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: IS YOUR COSTAR IN THIS.
>> JAIME DORNAN, WE'RE SO EXCITED FOR PEOPLE TO SEE HIM IN
THIS MOVIE BECAUSE HE IS EYE MEAN, WE ASKED HIM TO DO A LOT
OF REALLY CRAZY THINGS.
AND HE'S SO FUNNY.
HE SINGS IN THE MOVIE.
HE'S... HE'S JUST, LIKE, WAS A DREAM TO WORK WITH.
HE WAS AMAZING.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE.
CAN YOU TELL US WHAT'S GOING ON BETWEEN YOU AND JAIME DORNAN?
>> OH, I THINK THIS IS WHERE I'M LEAVING HIS HOTEL ROOM.
I THINK.
IS THIS THE CLIP YOU HAVE?
>> Stephen: I THINK IT IS.
WHY WERE YOU LEAVING HIS HOTEL ROOM, STAR?
>> I THINK I'M LEAVING HIS HOTEL ROOM AND I THINK HE'S GOING TO
ASK ME SOMETHING ROMANTIC.
>> Stephen: OKAY, JIM.
>> LOOK, STAR, I...
I REALLY LIKE YOU.
>> YES, I WILL!
>> WHAT?
>> HM?
OH, OH, NOTHING, NEVER MIND.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE-- IT'S NOT.
IT'S OKAY.
NEVER MIND.
-- MY HEAD IS JUST A LITTLE...
( PHONE RINGING ) >> THAT'S MY CELL PHONE.
>> OH.
>> IT'S WORK.
I SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE THIS.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: PLEASE TELL ME THAT RELATIONSHIP PAYS OFF.
>> I'M NOT GIVING ANY SPOILERS.
>> Stephen: OKAY, I'M JUST TRYING-- I'M JUST TRYING TO PUT
ASSES IN THE SEAT.
THAT'S ALL-- >> THERE ARE SOME HOT, STEAMY --
>> Stephen: "50 SHADES" KIND OF ACTION GOING ON?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: OKAY, GOOD, GOOD.
IT'S ABOUT A VACATION GONE WRONG, AND HAVE YOU HAD BAD
VACATION EXPERIENCES?
HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANYTHING GO SIDEWAYS OW?
>> SIDEWAYS, YES.
MY BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME, AVI, WE WENT TO CHILI.
HE HAS A LOT OF FAMILY, SO WE WENT TO SANTIAGO.
WE TRAVELED AROUND.
IT WAS, LIKE, ONE OF THE BEST TRIPS OF MY LIFE.
AND WE WERE HIKING WITH A GUIDE, AND HE HAD ACTUALLY BEEN WITH US
ALL WEEK, AND IT WAS OUR LAST DAY.
AND I ACTUALLY THOUGHT-- SPEAKING OF THAT CLIP-- I
ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT HE WAS GOING TO PROPOSE TO ME BECAUSE
THE GUIDE WAS ALWAYS WITH US.
AND HE WAS JUST LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT, WHY DON'T YOU GUY GOES ON
THIS HIKE, JUST THE TWO OF YOU, AND I'LL MEET YOU ON THE OTHER
SIDE.
IT'S LIKE 40 MINUTES.
I'LL GIVE YOU MY WALKIE.
IT WILL BE FINE."
I WAS LIKE OKAY, THAT'S WEIRD, HE'S NOT COMING WITH US.
FULLY THINKING I'M GETTING PROPOSED TO.
SO WE'RE WALKING AND IT IS THE MOST, LIKE, BEAUTIFUL-- LIKE
WILD HORSES COMING UP TO US.
>> Stephen: WHERE IS THIS AGAIN?
>> LI HIKE A HUGE NATIONAL FORES >> Stephen: IN PATAGONIA.
>> YES.
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACE.
WE'RE WALKING DOWN THIS PATH AND I'M LIKE, YOU KNOW...
AND I SEE THIS, LIKE, HEAD POP OUT OF THE GRASS, LIKE THIS KIND
OF HEAD.
AND I'M, LIKE, OH, IT'S A LARGE PUMA, LIKE A VERY LARGE PUMA.
>> Stephen: LIKE A MOUNTAIN LION?
>> YES.
LIKE, 360, THERE'S NO ONE, WE COULD SCREAM-- WHICH I DID-- AND
NO ONE WOULD HEAR US.
AND WE WERE TOLD IF YOU SEE A PUMA-- YOU PROBABLY WON'T.
PEOPLE COME THERE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD TO PUMA WATCH AND A
LOT OF THEM GO HOME, THEY DON'T SEE ONE.
IF YOU HEAR ONE-- OR IF YOU SEE ONE, CLAP YOUR HANDS, MAKE A LOT
OF NOISE, DON'T RUN, DON'T TURN AROUND, WHATEVER.
SO THIS PUMA IS WALKING TOWARDS US, LIKE, JUST WALKING TOWARDS
US.
AND WE'RE BACKING UP AND WE'RE CLAPPING AND SCREAMING.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT-- I WAS LIKE, "GET OUT OF HERE!
LEAVE US ALONE!" I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS SAYING.
AND THIS IS IT.
I THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE MY LIFE-- I IMAGINED THE WHOLE THING GOING
DOWN.
>> Stephen: RIGHT.
>> AND OVER THE HILL, WE SEE THESE PEOPLE COMING OVER, AND
I'M LIKE, "HELP!
HELP!
PUMA!" SCREAMING AND THEY'RE RUNNING
TOWARDS US AND THEY HAVE CAMERAS.
THEY WERE, LIKE, PUMA WATCHING.
THEY WERE TRYING TO SEE PUMAS ON THIS TRIP.
AND THEY COME DOWN AND THEY'RE LIKE, "SHUT UP!
YOU'RE GOING TO SCARE THE PUMA" AND THE PUMA GETS, LIKE, MAYBE
EIGHT FEET AWAY AND IS JUST LIKE... AND JUST TURNS AND GOES
THE OTHER DIRECTION.
WE ARE-- I'M CRYING, MY BOYFRIEND IS, LIKE, SHAKING, AND
THESE PEOPLE ARE JUST RUNNING AFTER IT TAKING PICTURES.
AND BASICALLY PUMAS DON'T ATTACK PEOPLE THERE, BUT WE DIDN'T--
YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THAT.
PFS, LIKE, A SIX-FOOT, FIVE-FOOT PUMA.
>> Stephen: ANY SIZE IS PRETTY BIG.
>> ANY SIZE IT BIG, AND NO ONE WAS THERE.
AND, I MEAN, NEEDLESS TO SAY, HE DIDN'T PROPOSE TO ME.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
DID YOU-- >> NO, IT DIDN'T FOLLOW THAT.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE THE PUMA DIDN'T SHOW UP?
WAS IT IN THE CARDS AND THE PUMA RUINED IT?
>> NO, THERE WERE A COUPLE OF TIMES ON THE TRIP I THOUGHT,
"OH, THIS IS HAPPENING," AND IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
>> Stephen: I JUST WANT TO POINT OUT, EARLIER YOU SAID, "MY
FORMER-- MY BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME," YOU SAID.
>> OH, NO, NO, I MEANT BECAUSE HE'S NOW MY HUSBAND.
WE DID GET MARRIED.
>> Stephen: I DIDN'T KNOW.
I JUST WANTED TO CLEAR UP EVERYTHING.
>> OH, NO, NO, NO.
IT WASN'T A DIFFERENT PERSON.
>> Stephen: OKAY, GOOD, ALL RIGHT.
"BARB AND STAR GO TO VISTA DEL MAR" IS AVAILABLE ON FRIDAY
WHERE YOU RENT MOVIES.
KRISTEN WIIG, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH "CLARICE" ON CBS, REBECCA BREEDS.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
Y NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTRESS WHO NOW STARS AS ICONIC F.B.I. AGENT
CLARICE STARLING ON CBS'S NEW SHOW "CLARICE."
>> IT'S A SOFT COLLAR.
REAL TASTEFUL.
SAME STAB WOUNDS AND BITE MARKS AS THE OTHER VICTIM.
>> LET'S SET HER FREE.
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW," REBECCA BREEDS!
HEY, REBECCA, THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
>> HI!
THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU ON, "A," ON THIS SHOW.
YOU'VE BEEN A WORKING ACTRESS FOR YEARS, AND PEOPLE ALREADY
KNOW YOUR WORK, BUT THIS IS A VEY HIGH-PROFILE GIG.
IT'S ADVERTISED EVERYWHERE.
HOW DOES IT FEEL, "A," TO BE SEEING YOUR ADVERTISE AMES ALL
OVER THE SUPER BOWL-- 100 MILLION PEOPLE GETTING READY FOR
YOU TO DO THIS PART?
>> THE SUPER BOWL WAS UNREAL.
THAT ACTUALLY BLEW MY MIND.
AND JUST THE LITTLEST THING I SAW MY SECOND LITTLE POSTER OF
MY LITTLE HEAD ON A BIG OLD BILLBOARD THIS MORNING, I DID
LIKE A LITTLE GIRL HIGH SQUEAL.
I CAN'T HELP IT.
IT'S THIS PHYSICAL REACTION THAT COMES OUT OF ME.
IT'S SO LAME.
IT WAS PRETTY AMAZING.
YEAH, IT'S-- IT'S-- YEAH, I CAN'T DESCRIBE IT.
IT'S AMAZING.
>> Stephen: WELL, AS I SAID, YOU'VE WORKED FOR YEARS, BUT
THIS IS A-- A LEAD ROLE ON A U.S., YOU KNOW, BROADCAST
NETWORK.
WHAT-- WHERE DID YOU FIND OUT YOU GOT THIS GIG?
>> IT WAS LIKE A MASSIVE WEEK PROCESS OF, LIKE, FOUR-HOUR-LONG
AUDITIONS, FULL HAIR AND MAKEUP.
CBS AND MGM WERE NOT MESSING AROUND WITH THIS ONE.
AND AFTER ABOUT A WEEK OF THIS, I KNEW I WAS GOING TO FIND OUT--
IT WAS AD IT.
HE WAS WAITING TO FIND OUT ABOUT A ROLE AS WELL AND WE WERE GOING
OUT OF OUR MIND AND I SAID LET'S GO FOR A RIDE.
WE DRIVE TO MALIBU AND WE SIT DOWN AT A RESTAURANT AND WE KNEW
WE WERE GOING TO HEAR AND MY HEART WAS RACING.
THE WAITRESS SAID, "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DRINK?"
AND I SAID IT'S CHAMPAGNE OR WATER."
AND THE PHONE RANG, AND THERE'S JUST SILENCE ON THE PHONE UNTIL
THEY FINALLY SAY, "HELLO, CLARICE."
AND I JUST-- I-- I FELL TO MY KNEES ON THE P.C.H., LIKE, ON
THE SIDEWALK.
LKE, "WHAT IS HAPPENING!" SO IT WAS PRETTY SPECIAL.
I RAN BACK INSIDE, AND WE ORDERED THE CHAMPAGNE.
IT WAS VERY SPECIAL.
TO MAKE A SPECIAL DAY EVEN MORE SPECIALER, WHICH I'M GOING TO
SAY THAT AND I'M GOING TO OWN IT, AT THE END OF THE MEAL, THE
WAITER COMES UP TO US AND HE SAYS, "OH, YOUR CHAMPAGNE HAS
BEEN TAKEN CARE OF."
LIKE, "WHAT?" HE SAID, "THERE'S THIS LOVELY
MAN OVER HERE, MIKE PETTY."
SO I JUST WANT TO SHOUT OUT RIGHT NOW, MIKE PETTY IN MALIBU.
I SAID, "NO, NO, NO, HE CAN'T DO THAT.
WE CAN AFFORD IT NOW.
LET US PAY FOR THE CHAMPAGNE."
AND HE SAID, "NO, THIS IS MIKE PETTY AND HE ALWAYS DOES THIS"
HE CAME OVER AND HE SAID, "I SAW YOU GUYS CELEBRATING AND I'M
JUST REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND I WANT TO SAY THE CHAMPAGNE IS ON
ME."
AND HE BAILED.
AND I WAS LIKE WHAT HAPPENED.
HE WAS AN ANGEL HUMAN.
WHEN THE WORLD STARTS AGAIN AND THE WORLD STARTS AGAIN MY
HUSBAND AND I ARE GOING TO DO THE MIKE PETTY AND KEEP A
LOOKOUT FOR PEOPLE CELEBRATING AND PAY IT FORWARD AND BUY THEM
CHAMPAGNE.
SO THANK YOU, MIKE PETTY.
>> Stephen: DID HE KNOW WHAT YOU WERE CELEBRATING?
>> NO, HE DIDN'T ASK, HE DIDN'T, LIKE, DIVE IN.
HE WAS JUST LIKE, "GOOD FOR YOU GUYS."
HE WAS JUST A LOVELY HUMAN.
HE DOES THAT.
>> Stephen: IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANYTHING.
"I JUST HEARD THE HIT MAN KILLED MY EX-BOYFRIEND!"
RIE RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE FROM THE STAR OF "CLARICE,"
REBECCA BREEDS.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WE'RE BACK WITH THE STAR OF THE NEW CBS DRAMA "CLARICE," REBECCA
BREEDS.
NOW, I WANT TO COMPLIMENT YOU ON SOMETHING, BECAUSE YOU ARE
AUSTRALIAN AS THE PEOPLE AT HOME CAN HEAR.
BUT MY WIFE AND I ARE BOTH FROM THE SOUTH, AND WE'VE GOT A REAL
EAR FOR SOUTHERN ACCENTS, EVEN AMERICANS DOING SOUTHERN ACCENTS
OFTEN SHANK IT AND DO A SOMEWHAT VAGUE SOMEWHERE SOUTH OF THE
MASON-DIXON LINE ACCENT.
YOU REALLY HAVE CLARICE'S WEST VIRGINIA ACCENT DOWN.
HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY, BEING TALENTED.
WHAT WAS-- WHAT WAS-- WHAT WAS THE CHALLENGE THERE?
>> WELL, I MEAN, THE TRUTH IS, I'VE GOT A BIT OF A MUSHAL EAR,
SO I DO THE OLD "LISTEN AND REPEAT."
BUT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW MY TRICK?
LIKE, IF I'M HAVING A TRICKY DAY AND I REALLY NEED TO GET INTO
THE ACCENT, I WALK AROUND AND I JUST SAY TO MYSELF, "DR. LECTER,
DR. LECTER, DR. LECTER."
YOU JUST SAY "CONSIDER LECTER" ENOUGH TIMES.
YOU COULD DO IT FOR SURE.
DO YOU WANT TO TRY?
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> DR. LECTER.
>> Stephen: DR. LECTER.
>> SEE!
>> Stephen: WOW.
I CAN-- I CAN HEAR THE SCREAMING OF THE LAMBS RIGHT NOW.
>> ISN'T IT HORRIBLE.
IF YOU WANT TO ADD TO IT, "DR. LECTER AND "S "CLARICEESE"
STARLING AND YOU ADD THE END TO IT."
IT'S AS EASY AS THAT.
I'M NOT TELLING YOU ALL MY SECRETS.
>> Stephen: YOU ALREADY GOT THE-- YOU ALREADY GOT THE PART,
KID.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY.
NOBODY IS AFTER YOUR BACK.
DID YOU HAVE A BACKUP PLAN?
WAS THERE A FALL-BACK POSITIONING, OR WAS THIS IT?
>> NO, I ABSOLUTELY-- AT FIRST I WANTED TO BE AN ACTRESS, AND
THEN I WANTED TO BE A MUSICIAN, AND THEN I WANTED TO PLAY SOCCER
FOR AUSTRALIA.
AND THEN I WANTED TO BE A MUSICAL THERAPIST.
AND THEN I WRITE CHILDREN'S BOOKS.
AND THEN I ALSO STUDY NUTRITION, BECAUSE I'M A BIG BIOLOGY NERD.
AND I JUST LOVE IT.
SO, YEAH, I JUST-- I JUST WENT WITH WHAT I WAS PASSIONATE
ABOUT.
SO I JUST KIND OF FOLLOWED ROADS THAT I LOVE AND SEE WHICH THINGS
WORK OUT.
AND RIGHT NOW -- >> Stephen: OKAY, YOU STUDIED
NUTRITION.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: DO YOU EAT WELL?
>> I DO.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S YOUR CHEAT?
>> OH, I-- I HAVE BRITISH PARENTS, AND I CANNOT-- I
CANNOT-- LIKE EVERYONE IS LIKE, "I QUIT SUGAR."
I CAN'T!
BECAUSE I NEED A CUP OF TEA AND A BISHIT.
SORRY, FOR PEOPLE WHO THINK BISCUITS ARE LIKE THESE SCONE
KIND OF STRUCTURES, FOR ME IT'S LIKE A COOKIE.
I NEED TO DUNK -- >> Stephen: A DIGESTIVE
BISCUIT.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: MAYBE ONE SIDE IS CHOCOLATE.
>> DO YOU DO DARK CHOCOLATE OR MILK CHOCOLATE DIGESTIVE.
>> Stephen: MILK.
>> YES!
WE CAN HAVE CUPS OF TEA.
>> Stephen: IT'S DONE.
I LEARNED IT FROM MY LIFE.
SHE'S AN ANGLOFILE AND WE HAVE DIGESTIVE BISCUITS AT THE HOUSE.
>> I ALWAYS HAVE THE ONE AND HAVE THE BACKUP READY TO SWITCH
OUT WHEN I FINISH.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE ONE BISCUIT THERE, AND THE BACKUP
WHEN YOU FINISH THE FIRST ONE.
YOU HAVE AN UNDERSTUDY.
>> YES.
I HAVE THE UNDERSTUDY DIGESTIVE PACKETS, YES, I DO.
I'M ALWAYS PREPARED.
>> Stephen: GOOD.
VERY IMPORTANT "CLARICE" PREMIERES TOMORROW
NIGHT AT 10:00, ONLY ON CBS.
REBECCA BREEDS, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
REBECCA, LOVELY TO MEET YOU.
LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE COUNTRY MUSIC STAR BLAKE
SHELTON.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.
Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> WANT TO SAY HI TO MY WIFE.
MY WIFE IS-- THIS IS MY WIFE.
LEAN INTO THE CAMERA RIGHT HERE.
>> HI!
>> NICE TO MEET YOU!
>> Stephen: IT'S ALWAYS-- IT'S THE ONLY AUDIENCE I GET THESE
DAYS, AND SHE'S THE BEST AUDIENCE, ANYWAY.