>> EVERY STATE HAS DIFFERENT RULES ABOUT WHO CAN CURRENTLY
GET THE COVID-19 VACCINE AND HOW TO SIGN UP, CREATING A LOT OF
PUBLIC CONFUSION.
>> PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW, "WHEN ARE WE GOING TO HAVE ENOUGH
PEOPLE VACCINATED SO WE CAN GET BACK TO LIFE AS WE KNOW IT?"
>> A FORMER WISCONSIN PHARMACIST HAS AGREED TO PLEAD GUILTY WITH
TAMPERING WITH HUNDREDS OF DOSES OF THE MODERNA COVID-19 VACCINE.
BRANDENBERG ADMITTED TO BELIEVING IN "CONSPIRACY
THEORIES" AND SAYS HE WAS SCEPTICAL OF THE MODERNA
VACCINE.
>> HEAR YE, HEAR YE, ON THIS SECOND DAY OF FEBRUARY,
CORONAVIRUS KENNY HAS EMERGED FROM HIS BURROW, WHERE HE'S BEEN
HIDING SINCE LAST MARCH JUST TO SOCIALLY DISTANCE FROM THE OTHER
WOODLAND CREATURES.
THIS PROGNOSTICATOR OF PROGNOSTICATION WILL PREDICT
WHEN YOU WILL RECEIVE YOUR COVID VACCINE.
IF CORONAVIRUS KEN SEES HIS SHADOW, YOU HAVE TO WAIT SIX
MORE MONTHS FOR A VACCINE.
IF HE DOESN'T SEE HIS SHADOW, YOU STILL HAVE TO WAIT SIX
MONTHS TO GET THE VACCINE.
NOW, IF HE SEES THREE-FOURTHS OF HIS SHADOW, IT'S AN OLD-PERSON
THUNDERDOME: TWO OLDS ENTER, ONE OLD LEAVES, VACCINATED.
LET'S SEE WHAT THE IMMUNOLOGIST OF IMMUNOLOGY HAS TO SAY.
AND... TURNS OUT HE'S AN ANTI-VAXER.
LET'S TURN HIM INTO A HAT.
WHERE DID HE GO!
HE'S GETTING AWAY!
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW
WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: GROUNDHOG YEAR.
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES ZENDAYA
AND FATHER JAMES MARTN FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE
BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
IT'S GROUNDHOG DAY!
WE'VE GOT A HUGE SHOW TONIGHT.
I'M GOING TO GIVE IT AWAY RIGHT NOW.
WE'VE GOT ZENDAYA.
WE'VE GOT ZENDAYA, AND WE'VE GOT FARTHER JIM MARTIN A JESUIT
PRIEST COMING ON.
IT'S GROUNDHOG DAY!
LIKE EVERY OTHER DAY SINCE MARCH 12.
BUT TODAY IS ACTUAL GROUNDHOG DAY, FOR NO APPARENT REASON,
AMERICA SEEKS WEATHER PROPHECY FROM METEOROLOGICAL
PROGNOSTICATOR PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL, SEEN HERE WITH NO IDEA
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.
IT'S BEEN A ROUGH RUN SINCE LAST GROUNDHOG DAY, SO WE ALL HAD OUR
FINGERS CROSSED FOR SOME PROMISING RODENT FORECASTING
FROM PHIL AND HIS COUNCIL OF FONDELORS.
BUT, SADLY, OUR HOPES FOR SPRING WERE SPURNED, BECAUSE PHIL SAW
HIS SHADOW, WHICH MEANS THERE WILL BE SIX MORE WEEKS OF
WINTER.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PHIL!
I CAN'T TAKE IT!
I DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK INSIDE SIX MORE WEEKS STARING AT SNOW
OUTSIDE THE WINDOW!
I AM READY TO BE STUCK INSIDE STARING AT RAIN OUTSIDE THE
WINDOW!
BUT THERE IS, THERE IS A CHANCE THAT PHIL'S NOT GIVING US THE
STRAIGHT DOPE HERE.
YOU SEE-- STICK WITH ME, IN 2020, PHIL PREDICTED
AN EARLY SPRING, UT AS THE A.P.
POINTED OUT, HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT A PANDEMIC.
WAIT A SECOND.
IS THE ASSOCIATED PRESS IMPLYING AMERICA'S PREEMINENT MAGICAL
WOODCHUCK ISN'T A BOARD-CERTIFIED EPIDEMIOLOGIST?
I HOPE THEY CAN BACK THAT UP WITH SOMETHING.
THE CEREMONY WAS A LITTLE DIFFERENT THIS YEAR.
DUE TO THE PANDEMIC, INSTEAD OF ANY GROUNDHOG GROUPIES, THE
AUDIENCE WAS PACKED WITH CARDBOARD CUTOUTS.
THAT MEANS THERE WERE NO PROPER WITNESSES.
I DEMAND A HAND RECOUNT OF THE GROUNDHOG!
STOP THE SHADOW!
STORM GOBBLERS KNOB!
ALSO, CHANGE THE NAME!
IT SOUNDS REALLY DIRTY.
MAKE IT SOMETHING NICER, LIKE DRIBBLER'S CROTCH.
OR STICKLER'S LICK.
OR DUFFLER'S MUNCH.
THERE'S BIG NEWS TODAY FROM THE BUSINESS WORLD AND THE REGULAR
WORLD, TOO, BECAUSE AMAZON ANNOUNCED THAT THEIR C.E.O.,
JEFF BEZOS, WILL BE STEPPING DOWN.
BEFORE LEAVING OFFICE, HE WILL BE COCOONED IN BUBBLE WRAP AND
PUT IN A BOX EIGHT TIMES HIS SIZE.
MAYBE THROW IN A LITTLE S.D.
CARD OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
BEZOS IS THE RICHEST MAN IN MODERN HISTORY, WORTH $196
BILLION.
THAT'S BILLION WITH AN "ILLIONMENT.
AND HE HAS HAD A GOOD YEAR.
IN FACT, HIS WORTH CLIMBED SO MUCH BETWEEN MARCH AND SEPTEMBER
OF 2020 THAT HE COULD HAVE GIVEN ALL 876,000 AMAZON
EMPLOYEES A $105,000 BONUS AND STILL HAVE BEEN WEALTHY AS HE
WAS BEFORE THE PANDEMIC.
KEY PHRASE THERE: "COULD HAVE GIVEN."
SO, ON ONE HAND, HE IS AN OBSCENELY RICH PLUTOCRAT WHO
HOARDS WEALTH AS THOSE EMPLOYEES NOT YET REPLACED BY
ROBOTS HAVE TO PEE IN BOTTLES FOR LACK OF BATHROOM BREAKS.
ON THE OTHER HAND, HE GREENLIT "FLEABAG," SO...
IN HIS ABSENCE, BEZOS WILL BE TURNING OVER THE REINS TO THE
COMPANY'S LONGTIME CLOUD-COMPUTING BOSS, ANDY
JASSY.
NOW, I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT JASSY, BUT HIS LAST NAME RHYMES WITH
"SASSY" AND SASSY JASSY SOUNDED IF FOR ME.
UPON SASSY JASSY!
I NEED A CUP OF COFFEE AFTER THAT.
IT'S BEEN A PRETTY GOOD SHOW SO FAR, PRETTY GOOD.
THIS IS MINE TO LOSE.
IN THE END, I'M JUST IMPRESSED THAT THE COMPANY THAT DELIVERS
MY DOG FOOD AND NESPRESSO PODS HAD A MORE PEACEFUL TRANSFER OF
POWER THAN THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT.
OH, SPEAKING OF WHICH, I'VE SEEN MY SHADOW, AND I PREDICT WE'RE
GOING TO HAVE TWO MORE WEEKS OF IMPEACHMENT.
THIS MORNING, HOUSE DEMOCRATS RELEASED THEIR TRIAL BRIEF,
WHICH ARGUES "THE FORMER PRESIDENT IS SINGULARLY
RESPONSIBLE FOR THE VIOLENCE AND DESTRUCTION THAT UNFOLDED IN OUR
SEAT OF GOVERNMENT ON JANUARY 6," AS HE "SUMMONED A MOB TO
WASHINGTON, EXHORTED THEM INTO A FRENZY, AND AIMED THEM LIKE A
LOADED CANNON DOWN PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE."
YES, THEY WERE IN A FRENZY, AND BY THE LOOKS OF IT, SOME OF
THEM WERE CLEARLY LOADED.
THE BRIEF OPENS WITH A SIMPLE TIMELINE OF FACTS: THE PRESIDENT
REFUSES TO ACCEPT THE RESULTS OF THE 2020 ELECTION.
THE PRESIDENT INCITES INSURRECTIONISTS TO
ATTACK THE CAPITOL.
INSURRECTIONISTS INCITED BY THE PRESIDENT ATTACKED THE CAPITOL.
THE PRESIDENT IS DERELICT OF DUTY DURING THE ATTACK.
OKAY, THAT CHECKS OUT.
HE IS A DERELICT, AND THEY SMEARED THE CAPITOL WITH DOODY.
THIS AFTERNOON, THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S LAWYERS PUT OUT
THEIR OFFICIAL RESPONSE TO THE DEMOCRATS' IMPEACHMENT CHARGES,
AND THEY PROVED THEMSELVES TOP LEGAL MINDS BY ADDRESSING THE
FILING TO "THE MEMBERS OF THE 'UNITES' STATES SENATE."
YES, THE UNITES STATES SENATE, BOTH REPUBLICARNTS AND
DEMOCRABS.
UNITES STATES.
THE DISGRACED FORMER PRESIDENT'S TEAM ARGUED THAT "HE CANNOT BE
CONVICTED BY THE SENATE BECAUSE HE IS NO LONGER IN OFFICE."
SO, OKAY, ONCE YOU LEAVE A JOB, YOU'RE IMMUNE FROM PROSECUTION?"
CANNIBALISM?
NICE TRY, YOUR HONOR, BUT I DON'T EVEN WORK AT WHITE CASTLE
ANYMORE."
BUT THE PRESIDENT-- OH, SO GOOD.
RIGHT TIME OF NIGHT.
RIGHT TIME OF NIGHT, MAN ( WHISTLES )
STEAM, ONIONS, ALL IS FORGIVEN.
BUT THE PRESIDENT'S DEFENDERS GO BEYOND LEGAL ARGUMENTS.
THEY DON'T EVEN WANT THERE TO BE A TRIAL.
TAKE IMPEACHMENT LAWYER AND SEA CAPTAIN WHO RUNS A HEDGE FUND,
DAVID SCHOEN.
HOUSE MANAGERS, LIKE ERIC SWALLWELL, HAVE SAID THAT
THEY'RE GOING TO USE NEWS FOOTAGE OF THE RIOT TO PROVE
THEIR CASE.
SCHOEN BELIEVES THAT'S A BAD IDEA-- FOR AMERICA.
>> WE KNOW NOW, APPARENTLY, THAT MR. SWALLWELL AND THE OTHER
MANAGERS INTEND TO SHOW VIDEOTAPES OF THE RIOTS AND
PEOPLE CALLING IN, PEOPLE BEING HURT, POLICE OFFICERS
TALKING.
WHY DOES THE COUNTRY NEED THAT NOW?
WE NEED TO HEAL NOW.
WE NEED TO MOVE FORWARD.
>> Stephen: YES, HEALING COMES FROM NOT PROVIDING ANY EVIDENCE.
AS IT SAYS IN THE HIPPOCRATIC OATH, "FIRST, SNITCHES GET
STITCHES."
SCHOEN'S NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO WANTS AN EVIDENCE-FREE TRIAL.
SO DOES SOUTH CAROLINA SENATOR, AND SPOKES-MODEL FOR THE JOWL
BRASSIERE, LINDSEY GRAHAM.
LINDSEY WAS ON THE FOX NEWS, AND HE HAD A WARNING FOR HOUSE
IMPEACHMENT MANAGERS.
>> TO MY DEMOCRATIC COLLEAGUES, IF YOU VOTE TO CALL ONE
WITNESS-- NONE WERE CALLED IN THE HOUSE-- GET READY FOR A LONG
TRIAL.
BUT IF YOU OPEN UP THAT CAN OF WORMS, WE'LL WANT THE F.B.I. TO
COME IN AND TELL US HOW PEOPLE ACTUALLY PREPLANNED THESE
ATTACKS AND WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE SECURITY FOOTPRINT AT THE
CAPITOL.
YOU OPEN UP PANDORA'S BOX IF YOU CALL ONE WITNESS.
>> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE, THAT'S TRUE, LINDSEY.
UPON IT'S A SLIPPERY SLOPE TO
INFORMATION.
YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL WHO THE GOOD GUYS ARE.
"MAKE SURE THERE ARE NO WITNESSES."
THERE'S THIS LITTLE FRINGE GROUP IN THE PARTY WHO BELIEVES IT'S
WRONG TO ATTACK THE CAPITOL BUILDING.
AND THEY'RE FOCUSING THEIR ANGER ON GEORGIA REPRESENTATIVE AND
WOMAN ZOOM-CALLING FROM THE OUTHOUSE, MARJORIE TAYLOR
GREENE.
GREENE'S A PUBLIC BACKER OF QANON.
SHE'S CLAIMED THAT MASS SHOOTINGS, INCLUDING SCHOOL
SHOOTINGS, WERE STAGED, AND SHE HAS SUPPORTED THE EXECUTION OF
DEMOCRATIC LEADERS.
SO, A MODERATE REPUBLICAN.
AND YESTERDAY, GREENE'S VIEWS INSPIRED A STRONG REACTION FROM
SENATE MINORITY LEADER AND "BODIES" EXHIBIT REJECT, MITCH
McCONNELL.
McCONNELL RELEASED A STATEMENT SAYING THAT THE BASELESS
CONSPIRACY THEORIES GREENE SUPPORTS "ARE CANCER FOR THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY AND OUR COUNTRY."
YES, IT'S CANCER, BUT I WILL POINT OUT THAT FIVE YEARS AGO,
THE G.O.P. FOUND A SUSPICIOUS LUMP AND THEN NOMINATED THE
TUMOR FOR PRESIDENT.
McCONNELL KEPT TEARING INTO GREENE, CALLING HER BELIEFS
"LOONY LIES."
YOU ALSO MIGHT REMEMBER "LOONY LIES" AS THE SHORT-LIVED CLASSIC
CARTOON STARRING PORKY PIG.
♪ ♪ ♪ >> F.D.R. EATS BABIES, FOLKS.
>> Stephen: THERE IS SO MUCH DIVISION IN THE REPUBLICAN
PARTY, THEY REALLY NEED A MAN OF TRUE INTEGRITY TO UNITE THEM.
UNFORTUNATELY, ALL THEY'VE GOT IS HOUSE MINORITY LEADER AND
MAYOR ASSURING THE TOWN THE BEACH IS MOSTLY SHARK-FREE,
KEVIN McCARTHY.
McCARTHY HAS RESISTED CALLS FROM DEMOCRATS TO KICK GREENE OFF HER
HOUSE COMMITTEES.
INSTEAD, HE'S PROMISING TO HAVE A "CONVERSATION" WITH HER ABOUT
THE MOUNTING CONTROVERSIES SOMETIME THIS WEEK.
WELL, THAT SHOULD BE PRODUCTIVE.
AS McCARTHY PROVED WITH HIS RECENT TRIP TO MAR-A-LAGO, HE
KNOWS HOW TO PUT HIS FOOT DOWN.
AND HIS KNEE DOWN, THEN HIS OTHER KNEE DOWN, SO HE CAN
SMOOCH SOME CRAZY BUTT.
McCONNELL'S NOT THE ONLY ONE UPSET WITH THE CONSPIRACY WING
OF THE G.O.P.
YESTERDAY, WE FOUND OUT THAT ROUGHLY 60-70 FORMER BUSH
OFFICIALS HAVE DECIDED TO LEAVE THE PARTY, AND AS ONE PUT IT,
"THE REPUBLICAN PARTY AS I KNEW IT NO LONGER EXISTS."
YES, IT'S UNRECOGNIZABLE.
WE JUST HAD A REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT WHO TOLD OVER 30,000
LIES ABOUT SERIOUS SUBJECTS LIKE ELECTION FRAUD AND A GLOBAL
PANDEMIC.
THE PREVIOUS REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT ONLY TOLD LIES ABOUT
SMALL STUFF LIKE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION AND
GOVERNMENT-SANCTIONED TORTURE.
THOUGH, I ADMIT, BOTH MEN WERE OBSESSED WITH YELLOW CAKE.
I'M SURPRISED THESE PEOPLE ARE SURPRISED.
NOW, WE'VE ALL BEEN DOING THIS JOB FOR A WHILE NOW, AND WE'VE
SEEN A LOT OF EVIDENCE THAT THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR FROM
REPUBLICANS WAS COMING.
TAKE FORMER BUSH ADVISER AND PARBOILED AMERICAN, KARL ROVE.
BACK WHEN ROVE WAS IN THE WHITE HOUSE, HE SARCASTICALLY REFERRED
TO HIS CRITICS AS "THE REALITY-BASED COMMUNITY," AND
CLAIMED THAT PEOPLE LIKE HIM "CREATE OUR OWN REALITY," A
REALITY, IN WHICH I'LL POINT OUT, HE CHOSE TO BE KARL ROVE.
NOW, WHEN ROVE SAID THAT, WE ALL SAW WHERE THIS WAS HEADED.
BECAUSE IF THAT REPUBLICAN ADMINISTRATION COULD GET AWAY
WITH CREATING THEIR OWN LITTLE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM WITH THE█ç
MAGIC OF MAKE-BELIEVE, IT JUST GOES TO FIGURE THAT IT WAS ONLY
A MATTER TIME BEFORE EVERYBODY ELSE DID IT.
IT'S JUST LIKE THE HEDGE FUND BROS GETTING MAD AT THE PEOPLE
ON REDDIT.
THEY'RE NOT UPSET THAT SOMEONE'S MAKING UP SOME ARTIFICIALLY
INFLATED VALUE TO GAME THE MARKET.
THEY'RE JUST OFFENDED THAT PEOPLE WHO AREN'T IN THEIR
COUNTRY CLUB ARE ALLOWED TO PLAY.
SO WHEN IT COMES TO CRAZY CONSPIRACY THEORIES, YOU CAN'T
PUT THE GENIE BACK IN THE BOTTLE, AND NOT JUST BECAUSE
THOSE SAME REPUBLICANS 13 YEARS AGO WERE FINE WITH RUMORS THAT
THE GENIE IS A SECRET MUSLIM.
REMEMBER "SECRET MUSLIM?" THAT WAS 2007, ALONG WITH OBAMA
WAS BORN IN KENYA AND THE TERRORIST FIST BUMP, NOW KNOWN
AS THE ONLY WAY WE'RE ALLOWED TO TOUCH EACH OTHER.
SO, IF CRAZY CONSPIRACY THEORIES ARE, IN FACT, A CANCER ON THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY, PEOPLE LIKE MITCH McCONNELL AND KARL ROVE
HAVE SPENT THE LAST 20 YEARS SELLING CIGARETTES TO THEIR
BASE.
THEY TOLD MILLIONS OF PEOPLE THAT IF THEY CONSUMED THEIR
ALTERNATE REALITY, THEY'D BE THIS.
NOW THEY'RE ACTING ALL SHOCKED THAT INSTEAD, THEY LOOK LIKE
THIS.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, EVERY DAY WE LEARN MORE DETAILS ABOUT THE
CAPITOL RIOTERS.
AND EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, THESE DETAILS ARE JUST SO PLAIN DUMB.
ACCORDING TO RECORDS OBTAINED BY CNN, SO FAR, AT LEAST EIGHT OF
THE PEOPLE FACING CRIMINAL CHARGES FOR THEIR INVOLVEMENT IN
THE EVENTS AT THE CAPITOL DID NOT VOTE.
WELL, GOT TO ADMIT, SEDITION IS A LOT EASIER THAN VOTING.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO REGISTER, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT IN LINE,
YOU'RE NOT RISKING JURY DUTY, AND YOU STILL GET A CUTE LITTLE
STICKER.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUESTS AS I SAID BEFORE, ARE ZENDAYA AND FATHER JAMES MARTIN.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, "MEANWHILE."
áUR()HP)OUNDy
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
LET'S SAY HELLO TO MR. JON BATISTE.
HELLO, JON.
AHOY, CAPTAIN.
PERMISSION TO COME ABOARD.
LET ME SEE.
GET A LITTLE CLOSER.
WHAT DOES THAT HAT SAY NOW THAT IS A REALLY GOOD LOOK.
ARE YOU GETTING READY FOR MARDI GRAS?
IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT?
>> St>> Stephen: JON, CAN YOU GI ME A LITTLE SECOND LINE?
YOU CAN MATCH YOUR HAT WITH YOUR FINGERS?
♪ ♪ ♪ JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.
>> Jon: OW!
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, JON.
YOU KNOW, I SPEND THE BULK OF MY DAY WHIPPING THE DAY'S BIGGEST
STORIES INTO AN EXQUISITELY FORMED TOPICAL MERINGUE BASE,
ADDING JUST A DROP OF NEWS-WORTHY EXTRACT, THEN
BAKING IT 'TIL IT'S PERFECTLY JIGGLY IN THE CENTER BEFORE
LAYERING IT WITH CHIFFON CAKE AND FLAWLESSLY VENEERING IT IN
BUTTERCREAM TO CRAFT YOU THE BESPOKE SEVEN-TIERED GATEAU THAT
IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES I LIKE TO BLEND SOME EXPIRED EGGS
WITH A BAG OF SAWDUST, SCRAPE IN SOME OF MY WIFE'S CONGEALED
TOFFEE-BUTTER HAND CREAM, THROW IT ON A HOT CAR HOOD TO HARDEN
UP, AND THEN DECORATE IT WITH SOME DIRTY PENNIES I FOUND UNDER
THE COUCH TO CREATE THE HEALTH-CODE VIOLATING,
GAS-STATION POUND CAKE OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
>> QUARANTINE-WHILE!
>> Stephen: QUARANTINE-WHILE, YESTERDAY, MYANMAR WAS HIT WITH
A MILITARY COUP.
I KNOW, NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT THAT, RIGHT?
WRONG.
BECAUSE A P.E. TEACHER STREAMED A WORKOUT VIDEO IN HER USUAL
SPOT ON THE MAIN ROAD OF THE CAPITAL AS THE COUP GOT
UNDERWAY RIGHT BEHIND HER.
THIS IS REAL, ACTUAL VIDEO THAT WE HAVE NOT TAMPERED WITH IN ANY
WAY: ♪ ♪ ♪
MAN, YOU THINK YOUR PELOTON
COACH IS INTENSE.
THAT IS A VERY DEDICATED AEROBICS INSTRUCTOR.
"AND FOUR AND THREE AND OCCUPY THE PARLIAMENT!
I SEE YOU SLACKING, CINDY!
THIS GOVERNMENT ISN'T GOING TO OVERTHROW ITSELF, OKAY?
YOU GOT TO WANT IT!" I COULD WATCH THAT ALL DAY.
COULD WE WATCH IT AGAIN?
JIM, PLAY IT AGAIN.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
QUARANTINE WHILE, UP TO 100 PEOPLE WHO TOOK PART IN AN
ILLEGAL ORANGEY IN FRANCE HAVE BEEN SLAPPED BY FINDS.
SAID ONE PARTICIPANT, "OKAY BY ME DEPENDING ON WHERE YOU'RE
SLAPPING.
THE MAIN REASON TO SHUT IT DOWN IS IT TOOK PLACE BETWEEN
P.M.
AND 6:00 A.M., AND, ACCORDING TO AN INVESTIGATOR, "THE EVENT WAS
IN BREACH OF THE CURFEW... AND THERE WERE ALSO PROBLEMS WITH
MASKS AND SOCIAL DISTANCING."
WELL... YEAH.
IF YOU'RE ABLE TO ENGAGE IN AN ORGY FROM MORE THAN SIX FEET
AWAY, CONGRATULATIONS!
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IT'S BEEN LESS THAN A WEEK, AND ALREADY RIVAL
MOVIES ABOUT THE GAMESTOP STOCK MARKET EVENTS ARE BEING RUSHED
INTO PRODUCTION.
OOH!
THE MINUTE WE FIND OUT WHICH ONE HOLLYWOOD THINKS IS MOST LIKELY
TO SUCCEED, LET'S ALL BUY TICKETS TO THE OTHER ONE.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IF YOU HAD TO POSTPONE YOUR WEDDING DUE TO
COVID, SORRY ABOUT THAT, BUT THIS STORY'S FOR YOU, BECAUSE
THIS VALENTINE'S DAY, YOU CAN GET MARRIED AT A DUNKIN'
DRIVE-THROUGH.
PERFECT FOR ANYONE WHO'S EVER THOUGHT, "MY WEDDING JUST WON'T
BE COMPLETE WITHOUT AN OFF-DUTY CONSTRUCTION CREW YELLING AT ME
TO HURRY THE HELL UP."
AND DON'T FORGET THEIR MOTTO ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT: "AMERICA
HUMPS ON DUNKIN'."
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ZENDAYA.
( HUMMING )
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK TO PAT LEAHY.
MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS THE YOUNGEST PERSON EVER TO WIN THE
EMMY AWARD FOR LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA.
YOU KNOW HER FROM "SPIDER-MAN," "THE GREATEST SHOWMAN," AND
"EUPHORIA."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW," ZENDAYA.
ZENDAYA, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
>> OF COURSE, THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
>> Stephen: NOW, THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU ACTUALLY WASN'T ON THE
SHOW BUT I FEEL LIKE WAS ON THE SHOW BECAUSE I DID GET TO
INTERVIEW YOU FOR THE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO DO NOT KNOW YET: YOU
ARE IN THE NEW "DUNE."
AND I INTERVIEWED YOU FOR THE PRESS RELEASE OF THE TRAILER.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: PRETTY DAMN EXCITING.
ARE YOU AS EXCITED AS THE "DUNE" NERDS LIKE ME ARE?
>> I HAVE BECOME A "DUNE" NERD FOR SURE.
I'M VERY, VERY EXCITED.
I MEAN, I FEEL SO LUCKY, INCREDIBLY LUCKY TO BE A PART OF
IT.
IT'S SUPA BEAUTIFUL, YOU KNOW, THING.
AND I'M GEEKING OUT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT.
I CAN'T WAIT FOR PEOPLE TO SEE IT.
YEAH, IT'S-- IT'S SPECIAL.
>> Stephen: WELL, IT DOESN'T COME OUT UNTIL NEXT OCTOBER, AND
HOPEFULLY WE CAN ALL GO SEE IT IN THE THEATERS AT THAT POINT.
WE DIDN'T GET A LOT OF TIME TO TALK THEM.
I WAS TALKING WITH THE ENTIRE CAST, AND LET'S FACE IT, JOSH
BROLIN IS A DIVA AND WOULDN'T LET ANYONE GET A WORD IN
EDGE-WISE.
WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT WORKING ON THE FILM?
>> EVERYTHING WAS SO LOVELY.
TIMOTHY -- >> Stephen: HE SEEMS LIKE SUCH
A NICE GUY.
>> HE'S BECOME ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIEND AND HE'S LOVELY AND SO
TALENTED.
I THINK MY FAVORITE PART WAS WHEN WE WOULD HAVE THESE DANCE
PARTIES IN MY ROOM, WHERE I WOULD LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN, AND
TIMOTHY WOULD COME IN IN WITH HIS SPEAKER AND EVERYBODY WOULD
START COMING IN AND EVERYBODY WOULD START DANCING AND --
>> Stephen: WHO IS THE BEST DANCER?
CAN I GUESS?
IT'S JAVIER BAR DEM.
>> HE PEAK IN, AND HE WAS GROOVING.
I WAS LIKE, OKAY, JAVIER.
HE HAD THE MOVES.
I WAS VERY IMPRESSED.
>> Stephen: NOW, DURING QUARANTINE, A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE
LOOKING FOR DIFFERENT WAYS TO SOOTHE THEMSELVES, YOU KNOW,
JUST SOMETHING TO PASS THE TIME.
WE ALL FEEL LONELY.
SO WE ALL HAVE TO DO A LOT OF SELF-SOOTHING.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I UNDERSTAND IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH WIGS.
>> OKAY, YOU SEE, LET ME EXPLAIN MYSELFS, I FIGURED THAT I SHOULD
DO MORE PHYSICAL ACTIVITY, RIGHT?
I WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW, I NEED TO START GETTING MY BLOOD PUMPING.
YOU KNOW, I NEED TO BE OUTSIDE MORE.
I CAN'T JUST STAY INSIDE AND NOT DO ANYTHING ALL DAY.
SO I TOLD MY ARNG SINT, WHO IS ALSO MY BRRKT DARNELL-- WE LIVE
TOGETHER-- AND I SAID, "YOU CAN WORK ME OUT EVERY DAY.
AND EVERY DAY, BECAUSE I MISSED ACTING SO MUCH, I DECIDED TO
INSPIRE ME TO GO DOWNSTAIRS AND WORK OUT I WOULD WEAR DIFFERENT
WIGS.
I WOULD WEAR A DIFFERENT WIG, COME DOWN IN A DIFFERENT
CHARACTER AND TRY TO ENTERTAIN HIM AND MAKE HIM LAUGH EVERY
DAY.
>> Stephen: SO YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE WORKING OUT BUT THE
CHARACTER YOU'RE PLAYING FEELS LIKE WORKING OUT.
>> EXACTLY.
SOME INSPIRATION.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
I WAS ITCHING TO PLAY A CHARACTER.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE OF YOU MAKING AN ENTRANCE,
I THINK, AS ONE OF THESE CHARACTERS.
DO YOU KNOW WHICH CLIP THIS IS?
WHO ARE WE ABOUT TO MEET?
>> THIS IS JUST-- THIS WAS, LIKE, BECAUSE THIS WAY HAD WORN
TO THE MET BALL BEFORE.
>> Stephen: OH, SURE.
>> AND THIS IS MY-- THIS IS MY MODEL KAWRK THAT CAN'T HELP BUT
TO BE GLAMMUOUS.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> EVEN WHEN I WORK OUT.
SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANY LINES IN THIS ONE.
>> Stephen: JIM, LET'S SEE ZENDAYA MAKE IT WORK.
>> THIS WALK...
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I WANT TO TRY THAT
WHEN YOU WORK OUT.
>> YEAH.
IT'S INSPIRING.
IT REALLY-- IT REALLY-- LET MOO TELL YOU, IT'S MOTIVATING.
IT GOT ME OUTSIDE.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A NEW FILM WHICH IT'S A BIT OF A
RARITY THESE DAYS BECAUSE THERE'S SO LITTLE PRODUCTION
GOING ON DURING COVID, AND YOU ACTUALLY MADE THIS WITH THE
CREATOR OF "EUPHORIA," SAM LEVINSON, AND IT'S CALLED
"MALCOLM & MARIE."
AND THIS WAS WRITTEN, LIKE, CONCEIVED, WRITTEN, SHOT,
EDITED-- EVERYTHING-- ENTIRELY IN COVID.
HOW DID THIS COME ABOUT?
HOW DID DO YOU IT?
>> WELL, I MEAN, A FEW THINGS.
I MEAN, IT KIND OF CAME ABOUT FROM THIS URGE TO KIND OF WANT
TO REMAIN CREATIVE.
AND I TALKED TO SAM EVERY SINGLE DAY, ALMOST EVERY SINGLE DAY, IN
THE QUARANTINE.
AND, YOU KNOW, ORIGINALLY WE WERE TALKING A LOT ABOUT
"EUPHORIA," AND HOW THE SEASON WOULD LOOK NOW, AND WERE WE
GOING TO REWRITE IT, WHATEVER?
BECAUSE WE REALLY SOUGHT PRODUCTION ON "EUPHORIA" THE DAY
BEFORE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO BACK.
AND THE OTHER THING WAS MAYBE WANTING TO BE ABLE TO GET OUR
"EUPHORIA" CREW BACK TO WORK, BECAUSE OUR INDUSTRY WAS SHUT
DOWN, AND ANY WAY TO GET THEM TAKEN CARE OF, THAT WOULD-- THAT
WOULD HAVE BEEN IDEAL.
>> Stephen: THAT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO, YEAH
>> I TALKED TO SAM AND I WAS LIKE, "IS THERE A WORLD WHERE WE
CAN SHOOT SOMETHING IN MY HOUSE YOU? WRITE HE SOMETHING AND
YOU, ME, AND MARCELL WE CAN DO IT IN MY HOUSE?
THERE WERE SOME WEIRD IDEAS THAT GOT BOUNCED AROUND, ONE WAS A
PSYCHOLOGICAL THRILLER WHERE I THINK I'M STILL ON DISNEY
CHANNEL-- WHICH I MIGHT SAVE FOR LATER.
I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE FOR FUN WHEN I'M 40.
BUT HE KIND OF CAME TO ME WITH THIS CONCEPT OF "MALCOLM &
MARIE."
AND THERE WAS NOTHING OTHER THAN JUST THE BARE BONES OF THE IDEA.
I SAID I LOVE IT.
AND HE STARTED WRITING.
AND HE WROTE MAYBE 10 PAGES AT A TIME, AND HE'D CALL ME, AND WE'D
TALK ABOUT IT FOR HOURS.
HE'D GO BACK, WRITE, CALL ME, AND WE'D TALK ABOUT IT FOR
HOURS.
WE WAS ONLY, LIKE, 15 PAGES IN WHICH HE THOUGHT HE MIGHT BRING
UP THE IDEA TO JOHN DAVID WASHINGTON, BECAUSE WHEN HE
STARTED WRITING MALCOLM, THE ONLY PERSON HE WAS WRITING IT
FOR WAS JOHN DAVID.
IT'S WHO HE SAW, WHO HE VISUALIZED WHEN HE WAS WRITING
THE CHARACTER.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP BUT WHAT IS IT ABOUT?
>> THE BEST WAY TO DESCRIBE IT IS KIND OF LOOK A PLAY.
AND IT IS TWO CHARACTERS.
THEY COME HOME FROM-- ONE IS A FILMMAKER.
AND THEY'RE COMING HOME FROM THE PREMIERE OF HIS FILM.
AND HE HAS FORGOTTEN TO THANK HIS PARTNER.
AND THE AFTERMATH OF THAT AND CHAOS ENSUES, UNTIL THE END OF
THE MOVIE, AND WE DON'T REALLY KNOW THE FATE OF THEIR
RELATIONSHIP.
>> Stephen: AND THE CLIP WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE IS THAT WHEN MARIE
IS FIRST BRINGING UP THE FACT THAT HE DIDN'T MENTION--
>> THIS IS A LITTLE BIT INTO IT.
THIS IS WHEN SHE'S CALLING HIM OUT FOR-- FOR SOME THINGS.
I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL IT TOO MUCH.
IT WILL MAKE SENSE WHEN YOU SEE THE MOVIE, THE CONTEXT OF IT.
BUT LET'S SAY SHE'S NOT HAPPY.
>> SO TELL US, MALCOLM, HOW WERE YOU ABLE TO BREATHE LIFE INTO
THE CHARACTER?
HOW WERE YOU ABLE TO CHANNEL THE VOICE OF A YOUNG WOMAN, SO WELL,
SO AWE THNTICALLY?
HMMM.
WELL, JENNIFER, THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
I GUESS YOU COULD SAY I STOLE IT!
I RIPPED IT OFF!
NOT A LITERAL THEFT, A SPIRITUAL ONE.
YOU'RE A ( BLEEP ) FRAUD.
AND THE RELATIONSHIP YOU DIDN'T THANK ME TONIGHT IS BECAUSE YOU
ALREADY KNOW THAT.
YOU HAVE NOTHING NEW TO SAY.
ALL YOU CAN DO IS ( BLEEP ) MIMIC.
BE A ( BLEEP ) PARAKEET.
GOD FORBID YOU ARE EVER ALONE AND HAVE TO DREAM UP ANOTHER
ORIGINAL IDEA.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO WRITE, MALCOLM?
>> Stephen: THIS-- THIS MOVIE IS A MASTER CLASS IN THROWING
HAHAYMAKERS IN A RELATIONSHIP.
HOWP DID YOU SHOOT IT?
YOU WANT TO EMPLOY A CREW, THAT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
EVERYBODY WANTS TO GET BACK TO WORK.
HOW DID YOU SHOOT IT IN COVID?
WHAT WAS THAT LIKE FOR YOU AS A PERFORMER AND EVERYBODY ELSE WHO
DID IT.
>> WE QAWRPTED TOGETHER, WHICH FOORED US THE TIME TO WORK
THROUGH AND WORKSHOP THE MATERIAL AND GO THROUGH
EVERYTHING.
AND THEM WE SHOT THE FILM IN 14 NIGHTS.
AND IT WAS-- YEAH, I WAS DOING MY OWN HAIR AND MAKEUP.
I BROUGHT MY OWN CLOTHES TO USE FOR SET DEC.
THERE'S A PART WHERE I'M THROWING MY SHOES AROUND.
AND EVERYBODY WAS DOING, LIKE, FOUR JOBS AT ONCE BECAUSE, ONLY,
IT WAS A SKELETON SCREW.
WE DIDN'T HAVE A SCRIPT SUPERVISOR.
WE WERE SHOOTING FROM-- WE GOT TO SHOOT IN ORDER, THANK
GOODNESS, BECAUSE THAT REALLY HELPED US REMEMBER OUR
CONTINUITY.
BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA, LIKE, YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT SEVEN
OTHER THINGS, YOU KNOW.
AND EVERYBODY WAS REALLY, REALLY, I MEAN, SO LOVELY.
WE'RE ALL LUKE A FAMILY, SO EVERYBODY HAD EACH OTHER'S BACK
AND REALLY LOOKED OUT FOR EACH OTHER TO MAKE SURE WE COULD GET
IT DONE.
BUT WE DID IT SAFELY.
AND OUR CREW ALSO, YOU KNOW, GOT BACK IN ON THE MOVIE AS WELL AND
POINT ON THE MOVIE.
SO WE ALL KIND OF OWN THIS THING TOGETHER, WHICH IS REALLY,
REALLY SPECIAL.
>> Stephen: THAT'S GREAT.
YOU'RE DOING A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT TYPE OF PRODUCTION
RIGHT NOW.
I KNOW YOU'RE DOWN IN ATLANTA DOING "SPIDER-MAN THREE."
>> A LITTLE BIT BIGGER.
>> Stephen: A LITTLE BIT BIGGER.
I HAVE ASKED A MILLION PERFORMERS IN THE MARVEL MOVIES
AND I'M NOT GOING TO ASK YOU BECAUSE I KNOW YOU CAN'T TELL ME
ANYTHING.
THAT IS A BLIND ALLEY TO GO DOWN.
BUT MY QUESTION FOR YOU IS, IS IT-- ARE YOU GOOD AT KEEPING
SECRETS?
LIKE, IS THIS HARD FOR YOU TO NOT GIVE STUFF AWAY?
OR ARE YOU A LOCKBOX?
>> HERE'S THE THING I THINK PEOPLE DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND,
I DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING, EITHER.
SOMETIMES, LITERALLY, I WILL READ SOMETHING ON THE INTERNET,
AND I WILL HAVE TO TEXT OUR PRODUCERS, I WILL HAVE TO TEXT
OUR DISPRERKT LIKE, STH TRUE?" BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
SO I WISH, YOU KNOW, KNOW-- I COULD OFFER A LOT OF INFORMATION
BECAUSE SOMETIMES I DON'T KNOW UNLESS I SCHEDULE.
SO WE'RE SOMETIMES A LITTLE BIT IN THE DARK AS WELL.
>> Stephen: SO-- SO THAT'S THE BEST WAY TO KEEP A SECRET IS TO
NEVER HAVE ONE.
>> IS NEVER TELL ANYBODY.
>> Stephen: WELL, THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
AND I HOPE I SEE YOU AT THE PREMIERE.
PLEASE ASK THEM TO INVITE ME TO THE PREMIERE OF "DUNE," PLEASE.
USE YOUR PULL.
>> I GOT YOU.
>> Stephen: "MALCOLM & MARIE" PREMIERES FRIDAY ON NETFLIX.
ZENDAYA, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE EDITOR AT LARGE AT "AMERICA"
MAGAZINE, AND THE FORMER CHAPLAIN OF THE COLBERT NATION,
FATHER JAMES MARTIN.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK.
I'M PRETTY EXCITED.
MY NEXT GUEST IS A JESUIT PRIEST AND AUTHOR AND EDITOR AT LARGE
OF "AMERICA" MAGAZINE.
HIS LATEST BOOK IS CALLED "LEARNING TO PRAY."
PLEASE WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW," FATHER JIM MARTIN.
FATHER JIM, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: I ASSUME AS A PRIEST YOU ARE WILLING TO
FORGIVE ME FOR BUMPING YOU BEFORE CHRISTMAS, BECAUSE WE HAD
THE BIDENS ON AT THE LAST MINUTE.
>> YES, I GIVE YOU A FULL ABSOLUTION FOR THAT.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> YOU'RE WELCOME.
>> Stephen: I INTERVIEWED YOU NINE TIMES OVER "THE COLBERT
REPORT," COMPLETISTS OF STEPHEN█ COLBERT, WE KNOW THAT YOU WERE
THE CHAPLAIN OF COLBERT NATION.
NOW WE'RE ON NETWORK.
DO I NEED TO MAKE YOU AT LEAST MONSIGNOR.
DO WE NEED TO KICK YOU UP TO BISHOP OF THE COLBERT NATION?
WHAT SHALL IT BE.
>> THAT'S A LITTLE GRAND FOR A JESUIT.
CHAPLAIN IS FINE.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
YOU DON'T HAVE ANY DESIRE TO WEAR THE SCARLET OR THE BERETTA
OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT?
>> WE JEZ WITS MAKE A PROMISE NOT TO ASPIRE FOR HIGH OFFICE SO
CHAPLAIN IS JUST GREAT.
>> Stephen: WAIT A SECOND, THAT'S NOT QUITE-- THAT DOESN'T
QUITE PASS THE SMELL TEST.
WE HAVE OUR FIRST JESUIT POPE RIGHT NOW.
AREN'T YOU GUYS DOING A LITTLE BIT OF AN END ZONE DANCE WHEN HE
BECAME THE POPE.
>> HE DOESN'T STRIVE FOR IT.
THAT'S THE JESUIT DISTINCTION THERE.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE NEW BOOK "LEARNING TO
PRAY ."
I ENCOURAGE COULD LEARN A ABOUT PRAYING.
I DESCRIBED MY-- I TOLD YOU WHY I PRAY.
I BELIEVE IN THE NICEST WAY POSSIBLE, YOU DESCRIBED MY
PRAYING AS SOME ACADEMIC.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> I'M SURE I MEANT THAT IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY.
>> Stephen: YOU DID, BECAUSE I HAD A "I DID IT!"
YOU'RE LIKE, LOOSEN UP, BABY.
IMPROV.
WHAT ARE SOME DIFFERENT WAYS THAT PEOPLE DON'T CONSIDER
PRAYING.
I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE IN COVID RIGHT NOW, MANY PEOPLE ARE
TURNING TO THEIR FAITH, AND IT'S VERY FRUSTRATING FOR THEM
BECAUSE OF THE LIMITATIONS OF SOCIAL DISTANCING, PEOPLE DON'T
FEEL COMFORTABLE GOING TO CHURCH.
I'VE BEEN A FEW TIMES, BUT I STILL DO FEEL A LITTLE
UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN I HEAR SOMEBODY COUGHING IN THE-- IN
THE SACRISTY.
>> THERE ARE A LOT OF DIFFERENT WAYS TO PRAY.
I TALK ABOUT THEM IN MY BOOK.
IT DEPENDS WHO YOU ARE.
THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY TO PRAY.
YOU CAN SAY THERE ARE CONTENT-HEAVY WAYS, AND MORE
MORE CONTENT-LIGHT PRAYER, WHERE YOU IMAGINE YOURSELF IN THE
PRESENCE OF GOD.
IT DEPEND WHERE YOU ARE.
AND ALSO DEPEND ON WHERE YOU ARE IN YOUR LIFE, BECAUSE DIFFERENT
KINDS OF PRAYER CAN APPEAL TO YOU, YOU KNOW, AT DIFFERENT
TIMES OF YOUR LIFE.
>> Stephen: YOU SAID THERE'S NO WRONG WAY TO PRAY.
BUT HAVEN'T THE LAST 2,000 YEARS BEEN, YOU KNOW, REPLETE WITH
BATTLES OVER THE FACT, YOU KNOW, LIKE MEMBERS OF THE CHURCH YOU
AND I BELONG TO FIGHTING WITH PERHAPS OFFSHOOTS OR OTHER GREAT
CHURCHES IN THE WORLD, LIKE THE 1054 WHERE THE GREEKS BROKE UP
BECAUSE WE ADDED THAT TO THE CREED.
THERE ARE FIGHTS OVER THE RIGHT WAY TO PRAY.
LET'S NOT GLOSS OVER HISTORY HERE, JIM.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
AND I AM NOT USED TO HEARING THAT ON LATE NIGHT.
THAT'S PRETTY IMPRESSIVE.
>> Stephen: YOU SHOULD WATCH THE SHOW MORE.
WE TALK ABOUT IT ONCE A WEEK.
>> I THINK THE KEY-- CERTAINLY THERE ARE RELIGIOUS BATTLES --
BUT THE KEY IS THERE IS NO RIGHT OR WRONG WAY TO PRAY, SO WHAT
YOU FEEL DRAWS YOU INTO GOD'S PRESENCE IS FINE.
YOU SHOULDN'T SAY TO SOMEONE, "YOU SHOULDN'T PRAY THE ROSARY."
IT'S WHATEVER SUITS YOU BEST.
IT'S YOUR PERSONALITY.
DIFFERENT KINDS OF PEOPLE LIKE DIFFERENT KIND OF PRAYER AND
THAT'S OKAY.
IT'S LIKE RELATIONSHIPS.
YOU RELATE TO PEOPLE IN DIFFERENT WAYS.
THAT'S OKAY.
IT'S BEING OPEN TO NEW WAYS OF PRAYING AND DIFFERENT WAYS OF
PRAYING.
>> Stephen: IS THERE A SURPRISING WAY OF PRAYING?
DOES PRAYER HAVE TO INCLUDE WORD.
>> NO, I MEAN, OFTENTIMES IT DOESN'T.
OFTENTIMES PEOPLE LIKE TO PRAY JUST IN GOD'S PRESENCE, AND IT'S
WORDLESS, AND THEY FEEL A SENSE OF GOD'S PRESENCE.
FOR EXAMPLE, YOU GO TO THE OCEAN, AND YOU SEE THE SEA
ALMOST AS AN IMAGE OF GOD'S IMMENSITY OR VASTNESS.
I MEAN, THE OCEAN IS NOT GOD, BUT YOU CAN PRAY WITH THOSE KIND
OF IMAGES WHICH IS WORDLESS AND DRAWS YOU INTO A SENSE OF GOD'S
PRESENCE.
>> Stephen: THE OCEAN IS NOT GOD.
I READ "MOBEY DICK."
WE'RE BOTH LIFELONG CATHOLICS, AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GO TO
CHURCH.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO RECEIVE COMMUNION AT LEAST ONCE A YEAR.
THAT'S THE RULE.
WHAT ABOUT NOW DURING COVID?
ARE THERE ANY SPECIAL DISPENSATIONS GOING ON OUT
THERE?
>> YES, IT'S VERY DIFFICULT FOR PEOPLE TO MAKE IT, ESPECIALLY IF
THEY'RE ELDERLY OR SICK.
A LOT OF BISHOPS AND EVEN PASTORS HAVE TALKED ABOUT BEING
DISPENSED, THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO IF YOU'RE IN DANGER.
THERE'S A WONDERFUL PRAYER ABOUT SPIRITUAL COMMUNION THAT EVEN IF
YOU DON'T-- EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT THERE PHYSICALLY TO RECEIVE THE
EUCHARIST, THAT YOU HAVE A DESIRE FOR IT, AND I THINK GOD
UNDERSTANDS THAT.
>> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT 2021.
POPE DECLARED THIS YEAR THE YEAR OF ST. JOSEPH.
WHAT'S THE SIGNIFICANCE?
WHY HAS HE GIVEN SAINT JOE THE BIG JOB?
>> HE'S VERY DEVOTED TO JOSEPH, AND I THINK JOSEPH IS THE
PERFECT SAINT FOR THE PANDEMIC.
HE LEADS WHAT THEOLOGIANS CALL THE HIDDEN LIFE.
WE KNOW VERY LITTLE ABOUT JOSEPH, OTHER THAN HE WAS A
CARPENTER.
HE IS GIVEN NO LINES TO SPEAK IN THE NEW TESTAMENT AND HE LEADS A
LIFE OF GREAT SERVICE TO JESUS.
AND WE THINK OF PEOPLE TODAY DURING COVID LEADING HIDDEN
LIVES.
GOD SEES THE SACRIFICES THEY'RE MAKING.
THEY DON'T MAKE THE FRONT PAGES OF THE NEWSPAPER AND THEY'RE
VERY VALUABLE.
I THINK JOSEPH IS A BEAUTIFUL PANDEMIC SAINT IS THERE I LIKE
THE PATRON SAINT OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE-- OF A GOOD MARRIAGE
AND A HAPPY DEATH.
>> AND A HAPPY DEATH, THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: JESUS ON ONE SIDE, MARY ON THE OTHER.
CAN'T DO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT.
>> YOU CAN'T, RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT WHEN WE COME
BACK, I WILL ASK FATHER MARTIN IF DURING COVID YOU REALLY HAVE
TO GIVE SOMETHING UP.
WE HAVE ALREADY GIVEN SO MUCH UP.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE BACK WITH OUR OLD FRIEND, THE AUTHOR OF "LEARNING TO
PRAY," FATHER JAMES MARTIN.
LENT IS APPROACHING.
THERE HAS BEEN SO MUCH LOSS, SO MUCH NECESSARY DENIAL OF THINGS
WE WANT TO DO.
DO YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP SOMETHING THIS YEAR?
YOU AND I HAVE TALKED.
YOU ALWAYS GIVE UP-- YOU GIVE UP THREE THINGS, RIGHT?
WHAT ARE THEY?
>> A JEWISH FRIEND OF MINE CALLS ME, MY FRIEND ROB AND HE ASKS ME
TO GIVE UP A FOOD, A SPICE, AND A CANDY EVERY YEAR.
>> Stephen: AND WHY DID HE WANT YOU TO GIVE THOSE UP?
>> BECAUSE WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE, MY JEWISH FRIENDS SAID
WHO DECIDES WHAT YOU GIVE UP FOR LENT?
I I SAID I DO.
THEY SAID WHERE IS THE SACRIFICE IN THAT?
WE SHOULD TELL YOU WHAT TO GIVE UP.
NOW THEY DID IT, AND NOW MY FRIEND ROB AND HIS WIFE ANDREA
AND SON DANIEL, THEY CALL ME EVERY ASH WEDNESDAY IN THE
MORNING AND SAY THESE ARE THE THING YOU SHOULD GIVE UP.
THEY TELL ME.
>> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW YET WHAT YOU'RE GIVING UP?
>> NO, NO, ASH WEDNESDAY THEY TELL ME.
AND I DO OTHER THINGS OBVIOUSLY, OTHER THAN GIVING UP CILANTRO.
>> Stephen: THAT WOULDN'T BE TOO HARD FOR ME BECAUSE IT
TASTES LIKE SOAP TO ME SO THAT WOULD BE OKAY.
JIM, IT'S SO GREAT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> MY PLEASURE.
>> Stephen: AND I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE ALMOST DONE BUILDING THAT
HUT BEHIND YOU OUT OF BOOK.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> I'M STRUGGLING.
>> Stephen: "LEARNING TO PRAY" IS AVAILABLE NOW.
YOU KNOW HIM 3 FATHER JAMES MARTIN, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
THANK YOU, FATHER
LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE SALMA HAYEK AND
JOURNALIST AND AUTHOR MARK HARRIS.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.
>> Stephen: I KNOW THIS IS A CRAZY THING TO ASK, I'M SORRY TO
DO IT.
WOULD YOU SAY THE A.B.C.s ♪ A.B.C.D.E.F.G.
I'M GOING TO KEEP SINGING UNTIL WE FIGURE OUT THE PROBLEM
♪ WHY MY AUDIO IS CUTTING OUT BUT I'M GOING TO KEEP GOING
UNTIL I HIT MY Z.
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