>> TODAY TRUMP SPENT SOME TIME ON HIS LAST FRIDAY IN THE WHITE
HOUSE WITH MIKE LINDELL, THE GUY ON THE MyPillow COMMERCIALS.
MIKE LINDELL, THE PILLOW PITCH MAN AND CONSPIRACY THEORIST,
TELLS "THE DAILY BEAST" HE WAS INFORMING TRUMP ABOUT A NEW
ELECTION FRAUD THEORY THAT CHINA AND OTHER COUNTRIES HELPED STEAL
THE 2020 ELECTION FOR JOE BIDEN.
PHOTOGRAPHER FOR "THE WASHINGTON POST" CAUGHT A SHOT OF LINDELL'S
NOTES WHICH READ, IN PART, QUOTE, MARTIAL, IF NECESSARY.
>> HELLO, I'M MIKE LINDELL, INVENTOR OF MyPillow.
MyPillowS NOT ONLY GIVE YOU A GREAT NIGHT'S REST, BUT THEY'RE
ALSO THE ONLY PILLOWS THAT WHISPER CONSPIRACY THEORIES TO
YOU AS YOU SLEEP.
THE ELECTION WAS STOLEN BY CHINA...
JOE BIDEN'S DOG IS A SATANIC PEDOPHILE...
NANCY PELOSI WILL BE THE NEXT BACHELORETTE...
THE SECRET IS MY PATENTED SHRIEK CAPTURE TECHNOLOGY.
>> THE PILLOWS ARE THEN QUICKLY SEWN SHUT AND STUFFED INTO
PLASTIC TO SEAL IN ALL MY DELUSIONAL JUICES!
>> THANKS TO MyPillow, I'M BOTH WELL RESTED AND READY TO
COMMIT SEDITION.
>> PLUS ENTER THE CODE "LIZARD PEOPLE" NOW AND GET 10% MORE
PARANOIA.
SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
THE RESOLUTION STARTS NOW!
TAKE OVER, AMERICA!
♪ GET A LIVE PILLOW AND SUPPLICATE DEMOCRACY TODAY ♪
>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!
TONIGHT'S POLICE- FULL TRANSFER OF POWER.
TONIGHT STEPHEN WELCOMES SENATOR CORY BOOKER AND INFINITY
SONG, FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
NOW AT T AT THE ED SULLIVAN THEA OFFICE BUILDING IN NEW YORK
CITY.
IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
HAPPY MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY, WHEN WE CELEBRATE A GREAT LEADER
WHO LED A MARCH ON WASHINGTON THAT DIDN'T END WITH ME HAVING
TO LEARN ABOUT SOMEONE NAMED "Q-SHAMAN."
ON WEDNESDAY, JOE BIDEN WILL BE INAUGURATED AS THE 46TH
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!
COME ON, BABY!
BUT AFTER THE SACKING OF THE U.S. CAPITOL, AUTHORITIES HAVE
CALLED IN 25,000 NATIONAL GUARD TROOPS.
SO, OFFICIALLY, THIS IS NOT A PEACEFUL TRANSITION OF POWER,
AND THEY'VE HAD TO UPDATE THE SIGN HANGING IN AMERICA'S BREAK
ROOM TO THIS.
THE TROOPS HAVE SHUT DOWN FOUR MAJOR BRIDGES LEADING INTO
DOWNTOWN D.C., SET UP A FORTIFIED PERIMETER THAT
ENCOMPASSES THE CAPITOL, WHITE HOUSE AND PORTIONS OF DOWNTOWN,
AND CLOSED THE NATIONAL MALL.
CLOSED THE NATIONAL MALL!?
NOW WHERE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET OUR NATIONAL WETZEL'S PRETZELS?
DEFENSE OFFICIALS ARE SO WORRIED ABOUT AN INSIDE ATTACK ON OUR
INCOMING LEADERS THAT THEY'VE ASKED THE F.B.I. TO VET ALL OF
THE 25,000 NATIONAL GUARD TROOPS COMING INTO WASHINGTON.
OKAY, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, BUT I HAVE A BETTER IDEA: MAYBE
INVESTIGATE THEM BEFORE YOU GIVE THEM AUTOMATIC WEAPONS AND
HAVE THEM SLEEP OUTSIDE OF NANCY PELOSI'S OFFICE.
IT'S JUST A THOUGHT.
INCREASED SECURITY MEASURES ARE ALREADY PAYING OFF.
THIS WEEKED, LAW ENFORCEMENT ARRESTED A 22-YEAR-OLD VIRGINIA
MAN CARRYING A FIREARM AND A WOMAN CLAIMING TO BE A LAW
ENFORCEMENT OFFICER AND PART OF THE PRESIDENTIAL CABINET.
GET YOUR STORY STRAIGHT, LADY!
YOU CAN'T BE BOTH.
"YOU CAN'T DETAIN ME!
OH, YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN BIG TROUBLE WHEN THEY FIND OUT YOU
ARRESTED POLICE CHIEF SECRETARY OF THE INTERIOR PRESIDENT JAMES
T. KIRK OF THE STAR SHIP 'ENTERPRISE.'
NOW, LET ME IN!" THE WOMAN'S RUSE WAS NOT VERY
THOUGHT-THROUGH.
WHEN ASKED TO PROVIDE CREDENTIALS, SHE TOOK OUT A
MILITARY POLICE CHALLENGE COIN.
ANYONE CAN HAVE ONE OF THOSE.
THEY JUST GIVE THEM OUT.
IT'S NOT A VALID FORM OF I.D.
THAT WOULD BE LIKE SHOWING UP AT A HOSPITAL AND SAYING, "I'M A
DOCTOR AND TO PROVE IT, HERE'S MY PRESCRIPTION FOR LIBRIUM, IT
HAS MY NAME ON IT AND EVERYTHING.
NOW, BEND OVER AND TRY TO RELAX."
AND WE'RE LEARNING JUST HOW DANGEROUS THE RIOT WAS THANKS TO
SOME NEW VIDEO POSTED THIS WEEKEND BY "THE NEW YORKER."
THEY ALSO ANNOUNCED THEIR NEW CAPTION CONTEST: THE Q-ANON
SHAMAN WITH HIS DOG PSYCHIATRIST.
THE WINNER?
"YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL."
IN "THE NEW YORKER'S" VIDEO, THE BLOODLUST OF THE RIOTERS IS
PALPABLE.
>> TREASON!
TREASON!
>> STEPHEN: THAT'S NICE OF THEM TO BE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT THEY'RE
THERE TO DO.
IT'S LIKE ME WALKING INTO A BARNES AND NOBLE SHOUTING, "TIME
TO PRETEND TO LOOK AT A FEW THINGS, THEN ASK TO USE THE
BATHROOM, BABY!" IN THE FOOTAGE, WE SEE THE MAGA
MOB ON THE SENATE FLOOR RIFLING THROUGH DOCUMENTS:
>> THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING IN HERE WE CAN ( BLEEP ) USE
AGAINST THESE SCRUM BAGS.
>> STEPHEN: YEAH, THERE IS SOMETHING WE CAN USE AGAINST
THESE SCUMBAGS.
IT'S THIS VIDEO, YOU SCUMBAGS.
AND THESE FELLOWS AREN'T EXACTLY THE SHARPEST HORNS ON THE
HEADDRESS.
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THEY FOUND TED CRUZ'S BINDER.
>> THIS, HERE LOOK, HERE LOOK.
>> TED CRUZ'S OBJECTION TO THE ARIZONA--
>> HIS OBJECTION.
HE WAS GONNA SELL US OUT ALL ALONG.
>> REALLY?
WHAT?
>> LOOK.
OBJECTION TO COUNTING THE ELECTORAL VOTES OF THE STATE OF
ARIZONA.
>> CAN I GET A PHOTO OF THAT?
>> WAIT, NO, THAT'S A GOOD THING--
>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
>> STEPHEN: THESE ARE THE DUMBEST PEOPLE TO ATTEMPT AN
INSURRECTION SINCE FAILED LINCOLN ASSASSIN, JOHN WILKES
DOOF.
I DON'T WANT TO SAY THESE GUYS ARE STUPID, BUT THEY CARRIED A
FLAG THAT READ, "SAY HELLO TO MY CAT."
YOU KNOW WHAT ALSO DOESN'T LOOK GOOD?
YOUR HEADGEAR.
IT'S PROOF THEY NEVER PLANNED ON BEING PEACEFUL, OR THAT THEIR
FONTANELLES NEVER CLOSED.
GENERALLY, YOU DON'T WEAR A HELMET UNLESS YOU'RE PREPARED
FOR VIOLENCE.
IT'S NEVER A GOOD SIGN IF YOU GO ON A BLIND DATE AND GET A TEXT
THAT READS, "JUST GOT HERE, I'M SITTING AT THE BAR.
I'M THE GUY WEARING A HELMET."
SOURCES SAY THAT TOMORROW, ON HIS LAST FULL DAY IN OFFICE, THE
PRESIDENT IS PREPARED TO ISSUE AROUND 100 PARDONS AND
COMMUTATIONS.
WHY SO MANY?
WELL, THERE'S REPORTEDLY A LUCRATIVE MARKET FOR PARDONS.
FINALLY, POTUS IS RUNNING A BUSINESS THAT MAKES MONEY.
HE'S CALLING IT, "THE OLIVE PARDON."
WHEN YOU'RE HERE, YOU'RE A CRIME FAMILY.
ONE PARDON PEDDLER IS FORMER FEDERAL PROSECUTOR AND REJECTED
WILSON BROTHER, BRETT TOLMAN.
TOLMAN HAS COLLECTED TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS TO SEEK
CLEMENCY FOR A VARIETY OF CLIENTS, INCLUDING THE SON OF A
FORMER ARKANSAS SENATOR, THE FOUNDER OF THE ONLINE DRUG
MARKETPLACE SILK ROAD, AND A MANHATTAN SOCIALITE WHO PLEADED
GUILTY IN A FRAUD SCHEME.
I BELIEVE WE HAVE A COPY OF THAT REQUEST.
"DEAR DADDY, PARDON PLEEEEEZ!
XO IVANKS."
BUT ONE GUY IS REALLY LOOKING FOR THE BIG BUCKS, AND NO
SURPRISE, IT'S PRESIDENTIAL LAWYER AND MAN OOZING WHAT HE
INSISTS IS JUST CHARM, RUDY GIULIANI.
ACCORDING TO AN EX-C.I.A. AGENT WHO IS SEEKING A PARDON FOR
DISCLOSING CLASSIFIED INFORMATION, HE MET WITH RUDY
AND HIS ASSOCIATES LAST YEAR.
WHEN RUDY WENT TO THE RESTROOM, ONE OF HIS HENCHMEN SAID THE
MAYOR COULD HELP, BUT "IT'S GOING TO COST $2 MILLION.
HE'S GOING TO WANT TWO MILLION BUCKS."
THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.
BUT, AS A LAWYER, RUDY'S WORTH EVERY PENNY.
IT'S THE DOLLARS I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT.
GIULIANI DENIES HE OR HIS ASSOCIATES EVER ASKED FOR $2
MILLION.
IN FACT, GIULIANI CLAIMS HE DOES NOT REMEMBER THE MEETING.
POSSIBLY BECAUSE THEIR MEETING INVOLVED SUBSTANTIAL ALCOHOL.
WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.
IT'S THE END OF THE NIGHT.
YOU'VE GOT THE PARDON GOGGLES ON, NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU
DON'T REMEMBER WHOSE CONVICTION YOU FORGIVE.
I GUESS WHAT I'M SAYING IS, RUDY, PLEASE GRIFT RESPONSIBLY.
OF COURSE, THE LAST FEW DAYS OF ANY PRESIDENCY IS ALL ABOUT
CEMENTING YOUR LEGACY AND THANKING THOSE MEMBERS OF YOUR
ADMINISTRATION WHO WORKED HARDEST TO ENSURE YOUR PLACE IN
HISTORY.
SO, ON FRIDAY, HE MET WITH C.E.O. OF MYPILLOW, MIKE
LINDELL, SHOWN HERE WITH HIS DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS.
BUT IT WASN'T ALL PILLOW-TALK.
A SHARP-EYED CAMERAMAN CAUGHT A SNAPSHOT OF LINDELL'S NOTES,
WHICH INCLUDED TOPICS LIKE "MARTIAL LAW" AND "INSURRECTION
ACT."
HMM, SEEMS A LITTLE FASCIST-ADJACENT.
HE MIGHT HAVE TO REBRAND AS THE MEIN PILLOW GUY.
THERE'S MORE PROOF THAT LINDELL IS INTO THE MAGA CONSPIRACY
WORLD.
AS OF THIS WEEKEND, THE MYPILLOW WEBSITE WAS OFFERING DISCOUNTS
WITH THE PROMO CODE "QANON."
IT GETS YOU 45 BUCKS OFF A KING-SIZED EXTRA-FIRM, WHICH
MAKES PERFECT BODY ARMOR FOR THE NEXT INSURRECTION.
BUT AS BLEAK AS THE NEWS IS, THERE IS SOME HOPE ON THE
HORIZON.
HBO MAX JUST ANNOUNCED A REVIVAL OF "SEX AND THE CITY."
THANK GOD!
WE'LL FINALLY FIND OUT IF CARRIE FINDS LOVE WITH-- I WANT TO SAY
THE CITY?
OKAY, FULL DISCLOSURE: I DIDN'T CATCH EVERY EPISODE.
ACCORDING TO HBO, THE REVIVAL WILL FOLLOW THE S.A.T.C. GALS AS
THEY NAVIGATE THE COMPLICATED REALITY OF LIFE AND FRIENDSHIP
IN THEIR 50S, IN A TEN-EPISODE LIMITED SERIES TITLED "AND JUST
LIKE THAT."
WHICH, BASED ON MY EXPERIENCE OF BEING IN MY 50S, I ASSUME IS
SHORT FOR "AND JUST LIKE THAT, I CAN'T EAT CHEESE ANYMORE."
BUT THE BIG BOMBSHELL ABOUT THE REVIVAL IS THAT KIM CATTRALL
WILL NOT RETURN TO PLAY SAMANTHA JONES.
WHAT?!
BUT SHE'S SUCH A SAMANTHA!
LOOK AT ME, BEING SUCH A CHARLOTTE.
THIS IS DISTRESSING.
WHAT IS "SEX AND THE CITY" WITHOUT ITS MOST SEX-POSITIVE
CHARACTER?
SAMANTHA IS THE CHAOTIC GOOD THAT CARRIE, MIRANDA, AND
CHARLOTTE NEED TO PUSH THEIR OWN UPTIGHT BOUNDARIES.
THE SHOW NEEDS HER!
WE NEED HER!
AND HBO MAX KNOWS IT, SO THEY'VE FOUND A NEW SAMANTHA.
JIM?
>> IN NEW YORK CITY, EACH DAY IS A NEW ADVENTURE.
BUT ONE THING THAT NEVER CHANGES... IS FRIENDSHIP.
THE GIRLS ARE BACK IN TOWN.
CARRIE.
>> I'M DYING TO EAT ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T COME IN A TAKEOUT
BOX.
BOTTOM'S UP.
>> MIRANDA.
>> LET ME JUST CHECK MY WORK SCHEDULE.
YEAH, ALL CLEAR.
>> CHARLOTTE.
>> I CAN'T LOSE THE NANNY.
>> AND, OF COURSE, SAMANTHA.
>> I'M HOT, I'M HORNY, AND I'M DOING KEGELS UNDER THE TABLE!
I'M SAMANTHA!
>> THE GANG IS BACK... PRETTY MUCH.
>> LET'S TALK NIPPLES.
>> I'VE TRICKED MY BODY INTO THINKING IT'S THINNER.
SPANX.
>> REALLY.
HADN'T HEARD.
>> SO, I SAID: DING DONG!
IT'S SEX O'CLOCK.
AND I'M HALF PAST NAKED.
TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS.
I'M SAMANTHA!
>> THE ROMANCE, THE EXCITEMENT, THE HEARTACHE, AND... THIS:
>> SOMETIMES I WISH I HAD MORE HOLES!
>> "AND JUST LIKE THAT" COMING SOON TO HBO MAX.
>> GIVE ME THE SEX!
I'M SAMANTHA!
>> STEPHEN: WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS SENATOR CORY BOOKER.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, A FAREWELL MESSAGE FROM MELANIA
TRUMP.
STICK AROUND!
♪♪♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
LET'S SAY HELLO TO OUR FRIEND JON BATISTE.
HELLO, JON BATISTE.
>> Jon: HELLO, HELLO, PEACE IN MY SOUL.
WHAT'S HAPPENING TO YOU?
>> Stephen: DID YOU MANAGE TO HAVE A PEACEFUL, PRODUCTIVE
WEEKEND?
DID YOU LET IT ALL GO?
WHAT DID YOU DO?
>> Jon: I WATCHED A MOVIE YOU SENT ME.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS THAT MOVIE.
>> Jon: DELGADO'S MOVIE "IN AND OF ITSELF."
MAN, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE WHAT THE MOVIE IS BUT
GO SEE IT.
IT TELLS YOU ABOUT YOURSELF IN A WAY YOU DON'T REALIZE UNTIL THE
END.
I LOVED IT.
IT WAS AMAZING.
>> Stephen: I'M SO GLAD.
WE'RE REALLY PROUD OF IT.
EVIE AND I PRODUCED IT, FRANK OZ DIRECTED IT.
IT'S AVAILABLE ON HULU STARTING FRIDAY.
>> Stephen: CHECK IT OUT.
I LOVED IT.
I'M GOING TO WATCH IT AGAIN IF THE LINK STILL WORKS THAT YOU
SENT ME.
>> Stephen: I'LL GET YOU MY HULU PASSWORD IF IT DOESN'T.
SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT.
JON BATISTE, DO YOU HAVE ANY MUSIC YOU'RE INSPIRED TO PLAY
FOR US AS WE GO OUT?
>> Jon: YEAH.
YOU KNOW WHO... ♪♪♪
>> Stephen: HAPPY KING DAY.
>> Jon: YES, INDEED.
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.
FOLKS, THIS WEEK IT ISN'T JUST THE
PRESIDENT WHO'S LEAVING THE WHITE HOUSE, BECAUSE MELANIA
TRUMP IS ALSO GETTING READY TO MAKE THE TRANSITION FROM "FIRST
LADY" TO "UN-NUMBERED DAME."
AND THIS AFTERNOON, SHE RELEASED A FAREWELL ADDRESS.
>> IT HAS BEEN AN HONOR TO REPRESENT AMERICAN PEOPLE
ABROAD.
I TREASURE EACH OF MY EXPERIENCES AND THE INSPIRING
PEOPLE I HAVE MET ALONG THE WAY.
AS I SAY FAREWELL TO MY ROLE AS FIRST LADY, IT IS MY SINCERE
HOPE THAT EVERY AMERICAN WILL DO THEIR PART TO TEACH OUR CHILDREN
WHAT IT MEANS TO BE BEST.
>> STEPHEN: OH, I THINK YOUR MESSAGE WAS CLEAR TO "THE
CHILDREN."
PARTICULARLY THE BOOGALOO BOIS THE PROUD BOYS, AND THE CHILDREN
OF THE CORN.
IT WAS RARE TO HEAR FROM THE FIRST LADY WHO HAS BEEN MOSTLY
SILENT SINCE THE INSURRECTION AT THE CAPITOL EARLIER THIS MONTH.
BUT SHE'S BEEN BUSY.
IN FACT, IT'S REPORTED THAT, WHILE THAT DEADLY ATTACK WAS
HAPPENING, THE FIRST LADY WAS OVERSEEING A PHOTO SHOOT OF
RUGS, FURNITURE, AND DECORATIVE OBJECTS IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
I'M GONNA GUESS... REARRANGING THE DECK CHAIRS.
AND APPARENTLY THE FIRST LADY SEES HERSELF AS ONE OF THE
VICTIMS OF THIS ATTACK BECAUSE AFTER DAYS OF SILENCE, SHE
RELEASED A STATEMENT THAT SAID, IN PART, "I AM DISAPPOINTED AND
DISHEARTENED WITH WHAT HAPPENED LAST WEEK.
I FIND IT SHAMEFUL THAT SURROUNDING THESE TRAGIC EVENTS
THERE HAS BEEN SALACIOUS GOSSIP, UNWARRANTED PERSONAL ATTACKS,
AND FALSE MISLEADING ACCUSATIONS ON ME."
HER HUSBAND GOT A MOB TO ATTACK CONGRESS AND SHE'S WORRIED ABOUT
GOSSIP?
THAT'S LIKE THE WIFE OF JOHN WILKES BOOTH GOING "YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, THE FORD'S THEATER THING.
BUT PEOPLE REALLY NEED TO STOP TALKING SMACK ABOUT MY SHAWL."
NOW, ONE THING THE FIRST LADY DID NOT MENTION IN HER ADDRESS
TODAY IS WHAT SHE WILL BE DOING AFTER LEAVING THE WHITE HOUSE.
AND AFTER FOUR YEARS OF STANDING -- WHILE HER HUSBAND HAS BEEN
FIGHTING TO STAY IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
THERE ARE REPORTS MELANIA WANTS TO GO HOME AND CAN'T WAIT TO GET
BACK TO NEW YORK.
WELL, OVER THE YEARS, THE FIRST LADY HAS APPEARED ON THIS SHOW
NUMEROUS TIMES-- AND TONIGHT, SO HERE WITH AN EXCLUSIVE
MESSAGE TO THE NATION, ONE LAST TIME, FIRST LADY MELANIA TRUMP.
>> THANK YOU, STEPHEN.
I HAVE SPENT THE LAST FOUR YEARS SERVING IN THE WHITE HOUSE
BUT ALL GOOD THINGS MUST COME TO AN END-- ALSO THIS.
AND THE TRAGIC EVENTS OF THE LAST COUPLE WEEKS, AS WELL AS
ALL OF THE ONES FROM THE YEARS BEFORE, HAVE MADE ME REALIZE I
NEED TO THINK LONG AND HARD ABOUT WHAT I SHOULD DO NEXT--
OKAY, THOUGHT OF IT!
I'M DITCHING THAT LOSER AND MOVING BACK TO NEW YORK, BABY!
IT'S SO GOOD TO BE IN N.Y.C.
THE BE-BESTEST CITY ON EARTH.
THE HUGE APPLE.
THE CITY THAT NEVER SLEEPS WITH A PORN STAR THEN LIES TO YOU
ABOUT IT.
BEING HERE MAKES ME FEEL-- WHICH IS SOMETHING I DON'T NORMALLY
DO.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ HEY, NEW YORK
NEW YORK HAVE YOU MISSED ME?
♪ JUST AS MUCH AS I MISSED YOU?
♪ PRETTY TOWN HOME TO PRETTY PEOPLE
♪ AND ALSO YOU KNOW WHO HERE I AM
♪ IT'S YOUR MELANIA I'M ALL YOURS, LOVELY N.Y.C.
♪ IN NEW YORK WITH ALL MY NEW YORKERS
♪ WHO CAN'T WAIT TO SAY >> ( BLEEP ) YOU!
>> YOU SUCK!
>> WEAR A MASK!
>> ( BLEEP ) OFF!
>> YOU SUCK!
>> SUCH COLORFUL CHARACTERS WITH THEIR LOCAL EXPRESSIONS!
"I'M WALKIN' HERE," "FUGEDDABOUTWHAT."
♪ THERE GOES MY DRIVER, NICE TO SEE YOU...JEFFREY?
♪ NEW YORK IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE
♪ NO ONE PUTS ME IN A RAGE ASKING 'BOUT KIDS IN A CAGE
♪ I DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT THAT DO YOU?
♪ DONALD'S NOT HERE BUT I CAN SPEND HIS MONEY
♪ AND I'M BELOVED WHEN I GO OUT >> SHE'S COMPLETELY NUTS.
>> WE HATE HER FRIGGIN' GUTS.
>> ♪ I'D HATE TO BE THE ONE THEY'RE TALKING 'BOUT ♪
OKAY, SO THEY DON'T LIKE MY HUSBAND?
WHO DOES?
I'M WITH YOU, SISTER!
I MEAN, THAT COULD BE ANY MELANIA.
OKAY, THAT ACTUALLY SEEMS KIND OF PERSONAL.
♪ STARTING TO WONDER IF NEW YORK DISLIKES ME
♪ WHAT IS THIS WORD: "COMPLICITY"?
♪ THAT RIOT ON THE MALL HURT MELANIA MOST OF ALL
♪ NO ONE IN EARTH IS BULLIED MORE THAN ME
♪ SOMETIMES I DREAM I STAYED IN SLOVENIA
♪ SOME GOATS, A FARM THE SIMPLE LIFE
♪ BUT NOW, SOMEHOW I'M THE FIRST LADY
♪ THERE MUST BE MORE THAN BEING HIS THIRD WIFE
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ OH, EVEN NEW YORK HATES ME THERE'S NO WHERE FOR ME
♪ I CAN THINK OF OH GOD!
♪ THERE'S ONLY ONE LAST OPTION WILL I HAVE TO MOVE BACK WITH
♪ MY HUSBAND WHO I... LOVE WE'LL PLAY GOLF AND
♪ SIT ON GOLDEN TOILET HEY, MARALAGO'S NOT A DUMP
♪ WILL THEY EVEN LIKE ME THERE?
DO THEY HATE ME EVERYWHERE?
♪ WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO IT WAS JUST ONE LOUSY COUP
♪ WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
ANOTHER ( BLEEP ) ♪ CHRISTMAS TREE?
YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND ♪ AND SAY YOU LOVE ME
IF YOU WANT TO ♪ >> WE HATE YOU LIKE YOU HATE
IVANKA!
>> THEN GOODBYE FOREVER INSINCERELY MELANIA TRUMP!
♪ ♪ ♪ TRUMP ♪
>> ♪ GOODBYE FOREVER MELANIA TRUMP ♪
>> FORGET THIS PLACE.
YOUR RESTAURANTS ARE CLOSED FOR SOME REASON ANYWAY!
I'M GOING TO THE SLOVENIAN CONSULATE.
JEFFREY... WHERE'S JEFFREY?
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR THAT MESSAGE, FIRST LADY.
AND ON A COMPLETELY UNRELATED NOTE, I WANT TO THANK LAURA
BENANTI FOR HER SERVICE TO A GRATEFUL NATION.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SENATOR CORY BOOKER.
♪ ♪ ♪
♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
JOINING ME TONIGHT IS THE FORMER "SUPER MAYOR" OF NEWARK AND THE
CURRENT JUNIOR SENATOR FROM THE STATE OF NEW JERSEY.
PLEASE WELCOME, SENATOR CORY BOOKER!
SENATOR, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
>> STEPHEN, IT'S GREAT TO BE ON WITH YOU AGAIN.
>> Stephen: WE'RE COMING UP ON TWO WEEKS, WE'RE 12 DAYS SINCE
THE ATTACK ON THE CAPITOL BY THE MAGA MOB.
D.C. HAS TURNED INTO A FORTRESS, OR AT LEAST PARTS OF IT HAVE.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> I'M DOING WELL.
I THINK -- HONESTLY, I THINK MOST OF US ARE FEELING A LOT OF
HURT AND A LOT OF GRIEF TO SEE WHAT OUR COUNTRY HAS BECOME.
THE CAPITOL NOW, ALL THE STRENGTH AND THE MILITARY AND
THE PRESENCE, THAT'S NOT A SIGN OF SUCCESS AS A NATION, THAT'S A
SIGN OF WEAKNESS AS A NATION.
AND BEING ON THE FLOOR OF THE UNITED STATES SENATE WHEN WE
WERE UNDER SIEGE AND WATCHING COLLEAGUES ON BOTH SIDES OF THE
AISLE HAVE TO FLEE THE SEAT OF POWER IN THE MOST POWERFUL
NATION IN THE WORLD, TO SEE ITS ELECTED LEADERS, ITS FIRST
BRANCH OF GOVERNMENT TO HAVE TO FLEE FOR THEIR LIVES IS REALLY A
DEFEAT FOR OUR NATION, AND I THINK IT'S SOMETHING THAT ALL OF
US SHOULD TAKE VERY PERSONALLY.
>> Stephen: YOU WERE IN THE SENATE WITH ALL THE SENATORS FOR
THE CERTIFICATION ON JAN JANUARY 6th.
WHAT WAS THAT EXPERIENCE LIKE IN THAT BUILDING THAT DAY?
UM, IT WAS -- I THINK, FOR SO MANY FOLKS -- I STILL REMEMBER
ON THE FLOOR SEEING STAFF MEMBERS BREAK OUT IN TEARS AND
SEEING THIS SORT OF HAPHAZARD SORT OF LOCKING DOWN OF THAT
ROOM, I THINK THAT A LOT OF FOLKS HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED
SOMETHING LIKE THAT WHERE THEY FELT THEIR LIFE UNDER THREAT,
AND I WILL NEVER FORGET GOING OUT, AND I TRIED TO LEAVE LAST,
KNOWING THAT THERE WERE SENATORS WHO ARE OLDER THAN I WAS, AND AS
I WAS COMING OUT THE REAR, JUST SEEING POLICE OFFICERS WHO HAD
BEEN INJURED, ALREADY.
AND THEN I THINK THE THING THAT WAS MOST PAINFUL TO ME, STEPHEN,
THAT WAS AT THAT POINT SOMETHING IN ME REALLY BROKE IS SEEING THE
CONFEDERATE FLAG BEING WAVED.
I SIT IN THE BACK OF THE UNITED STATES SENATE BY THE DOOR, AND
TO KNOW THAT THAT CONFEDERATE FLAG WAS WAVING THERE JUST FEET
FROM ME AND, YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER LOST THAT FEELING OF GOING
ON THE SENATE FLOOR AND HOW SPECIAL THAT IS, BUT I HAVE A
FAMILY, A BLACK FAMILY THAT TOLD ME AS THE FOURTH BLACK PERSON
ELECTED PROPERLY TO THE UNITED STATES SENATE, ALL THE STRUGGLE
AND SACRIFICE THAT HAD TO HAPPEN IN THIS COUNTRY AND THE DEATH
AND BRUTALITY THAT HAD TO BE FACED IN ORDER TO BE ON THAT
FLOOR, AND TO HAVE -- IT WOULD BE JANUARY 1, 1861 THAT
JEFFERSON DAVIS GAVE HIS FAREWELL AND SUCCEEDED WITH
OTHER STRAITS TO TRY TO AFFIRM WHITE SUPREMACY , SLAVERY AND
REBELLION AGAINST THIS NATION AND TO HAVE THAT FLAG WAVED
TRIUMPHANTLY ON THAT CIVIC, SACRED SPACE IS SOMETHING THAT
DEEPENS MY CONVICTION MORE THAN EVER TO DEAL WITH THIS SCOURGE
WE HAVE IN THIS NATION, THIS VIOLENT SCOURGE OF WHITE
SUPREMACY, WHICH I'VE WATCHED TRUMP ADMINISTRATION OFFICIALS
TESTIFY BEFORE CONGRESS THAT THE GREATEST TERRORIST THREAT IN
THIS NATION KILLING MORE THAN ANY OTHER TYPE OF TERRORISM
SINCE 9/11 IS RIGHT-WING EXTREMISM AND WHITE SUPREMACY
FROM A BLACK CHURCH IN NORTHCAROLINA TO A CHURCH IN
PITTSBURGH, THAT AMERICANS DON'T REALIZE THE URGENCY MEET WHAT WE
SAW TAKE OVER THE CAPITOL THAT DAY.
>> Stephen: TO SEE THAT FLAG BE CARRIED IN A VIOLENT ATTACK
ON THE U.S. CAPITOL, I THINK ONCE AND FOREVER BURIES THE OLD
LIE THAT IT'S ABOUT CULTURAL OR REGIONAL HERITAGE.
IT'S JUST ABOUT HATE.
>> YES, AND IT IS THIS FAILURE TO RECOGNIZE NOT JUST THE HATRED
AND THE BIGOTRY, BUT A FAIRLY TO RECOGNIZE WHAT WE COULD BE AS A
PEOPLE, A MULTI-RACIAL DEMOCRACY, SPEAKING NOT TOWARDS
A SPECIFIC CULTURE OR RACE, BUT SPEAKING TOWARDS THE HIGHEST
IDEALS OF HUMANITY THAT US DIFFERENCES OF DIVERSITY OR YET
OUR INTERCONNECTION TO CREATE A MORE BELOVED COMMUNITY, THAT
SHOULD EXCITE EVERY AMERICAN.
AND, SO, I JUST FIND MYSELF -- YOU KNOW, MARTIN LUTHER KING
SAID I CAN'T LEGISLATE YOU TO LOVE ME BUT I CAN LEGISLATE
STOPPING LYNCHING.
I KNOW AS A LEGISLATOR, THERE ARE THINGS WE DO.
WHEN WE ARE AT OUR BEST IS WHEN WE LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO TALK TO SOME OF THE PEOPLE ON CAPITOL
HILL WHO CERTAINLY GIVE COMFORT TO SEDITIONISTS BY THE LIES THAT
THEY TELL BECAUSE NO FASCIST UPRISING EVER HAPPENS WITHOUT AN
ELITE WHO PROVIDES LEGITIMACY AND COVER FOR THE GRIEVANCES OF
THOSE WHO ARE STORMING THE BUILDINGS.
HAVE YOU SEEN "THE NEW YORKER" FOOTAGE THAT WAS RECENTLY
RELEASED THIS WEEK OF PEOPLE GOING THROUGH THE SENATE,
RIFLING THROUGH TED CRUZ'S DESK AND SAYING JOSH HAWLEY AND TED
CRUZ WOULD BE FINE WITH THIS?
YOU SAID DONALD TRUMP IS BEING AIDED AND ABET BID A GROUP OF
REPUBLICAN HOUSE AND SENATE MEMBERS, THIS IS ON THEM AS
WELL.
WE MUST RISE FROM THIS SHAME, REPAIR OUR DEMOCRACY, WE MUST
HEAL OUR NATION.
I KNOW, AS I'VE SAID TO OTHER SENATE, IT'S THE MOST
DELIBERATIVE BODY IN THE WORLD, FAMOUSLY, BUT WHAT IS AN
APPROPRIATE CONSEQUENCE FOR HAVING AIDED AND ABETTING THESE
PEOPLE AND INSPIRING THEM WITH THE BIG LIE?
>> YEAH, SO YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT, AS YOU SAID,
IT'S NOT THE MAD KING.
THERE WILL ALWAYS BE MAD PEOPLE LIKE THAT.
IT IS THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SANE WHO CONSCIOUSLY, DELIBERATIVELY
FORWARD THE MADNESS.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE THEY THINK THEY CAN RIDE THE TIGER.
>> YES, AND THIS CANCER BEGAN BEFORE THE ELECTION EVEN
HAPPENED.
WE HAD A PRESIDENT SAYING I WILL NOT COMMIT TO A PEACEFUL
TRANSFER OF POWER, IF I LOSE THIS WAS RIGGED.
AND WHEN THE ELECTION HAPPENED AND YOU HAD LOCAL REPUBLICAN
OFFICIALS, GOVERNORS, SECRETARIES OF STATE, WHEN YOU
HAD MEMBERS OF HIS OWN CABINET, WHEN YOU HAD THE FORMER ATTORNEY
GENERAL SAYING THESE ARE LIES, THIS WAS A FAIR ELECTION, AND
YET YOU HAVE SENATORS STILL PERPETUATING THAT LIE, THERE HAS
TO BE SOME KIND OF ACCOUNTABILITY BECAUSE WE CANNOT
HAVE A REDEMPTION, WE CANNOT HAVE HEALING WITHOUT
ACCOUNTABILITY, WITHOUT THE TRUTH BEING TOLD, WITHOUT
RESPONSIBILITY BEING ACCEPTED.
AND, SO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FORMAL PROCEDURES WE HAVE IN A
NARROWLY DIVIDED SENATE, BUT THERE IS THIS -- THIS IS A
MOMENT OF RECKONING FOR US AS A NATION.
IF WE WANT TO HEAL, WE'VE GOT TO START TELLING THE TRUTH.
AND WHAT WE'VE DONE IN THIS COUNTRY, UNFORTUNATELY, IS BURY
A LOT OF OUR TRUTHS OVER WITH CONVENIENT DISNEYLAND VERSIONS
OF AMERICA THAT HAS NOT SPOKEN TO THE WRETCHED NESDZ, THE MASS
KILLINGS THAT HAVE GONE ON FROM CINCINNATI TO LOUISIANA TO THE
COAL FAX MASSACRE TO BLACK WALL STREET, THERE HAVE BEEN SO
IN INSTANCES WHERE PEOPLE SAY LET'S TURN THE PAGE AND MOVE ON,
BUT THOSE WOUNDS FESTER.
I JUST REALLY WANT US TO HAVE MORE OF A RECKONING IN THIS
COUNTRY IS TO SPEAK TO THE WRETCHEDNESS THAT HAPPENS.
OUR NATION'S CAPITOL IS UNDER SIEGE AND ATTACK.
THIS WASN'T JUST A BUNCH OF FOLKS THAT GOT UP IN THE MORNING
AND SAID LET'S TAKE THE CAPITOL.
NO, THEY WERE FED.
THIS LIE WAS PUSHED ON THEM BY PEOPLE IN THE MEDIA WHO SAT ON
NETWORKS AND REPEATED THE LIE AND GAVE OPPORTUNITY ON IT,
POLITICAL OPPORTUNISTS WHO SEIZED ON THIS FOR THEMSELVES.
IF THERE CAN'T BE SOME KIND OF REDEMPTIVE MOMENT, THIS PROBLEM
WILL BE MUCH MORE DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH, WE WILL HAVE A LOT
MORE WORK TO DO AS A NATION.
>> Stephen: WE'LL HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
STICK AROUND.
I'M GOING TO ASK THE SENATOR A QUESTION THAT I'M GOING TO GUESS
YOU WON'T SEE COMING.
♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WE'RE BACK WITH SENATOR CORY BOOKER.
WE WERE TOGETHER, I THINK, IN JUNE OF 2020, AND ON THAT NIGHT
TWO THINGS HAD JUST HAPPENED.
I BELIEVE THAT THE -- IN LAFAYETTE SQUARE, NOW "BLACK
LIVES MATTER" PLAZA, TRUMP HAD SENT OUT FEDERAL MILITARY
TROOPS, FEDERAL LAW ENFORCEMENT TROOPS TO PEPPER SPRAY, TO GAS,
TO RUBBER BULLET PEACEFUL PROTESTERS SO HE COULD HAVE HIS
BIBLE-HOLDING MOMENT, AND I BELIEVE THAT WAS THE SAME NIGHT
THAT RAND PAUL PREVENTED THE PASSING OF THE ANTI-LYNCHING
LEGISLATION IN THE SENATE.
YOU WERE A LITTLE UPSET THAT NIGHT.
HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU SEE THE LACK OF PREPAREDNESS BY SECURITY
FORCES ON THE DAY OF THE PRESIDENT'S RALLY COMPARED TO
HOW THE "BLACK LIVES MATTER" PROTESTORS WERE TREATED ON THAT
DAY AND ON MANY DAYS IN MANY CITIES?
>> I MEAN, IT'S THE HURTFUL HYPOCRISY THAT THERE ARE MANY IN
THIS COUNTRY WHO KNOW VERY WELL THE DIFFERENT TREATMENT THAT IS
GIVEN TO DIFFERENT GROUPS IN OUR NATION, AND I KNOW THIS FROM
GOING TO UNIVERSITIES LIKE STANFORD AND YALE AND WATCHING A
DRUG CULTURE THAT EXISTS IN MOST COLLEGES WITH LITTLE TO NO
ACCOUNTABILITY, AND I WATCH WHAT HAPPENS IN THE COMMUNITY I LIVE
IN NOW.
WE HAVE TWO DIFFERENT JUSTICE SYSTEMS, WE HAVE TWO DIFFERENT
LEVELS OF TREATMENT AND, SO, YEA, IT HURTS AND IT, FRANKLY
ENRAGES ME.
AND AGAIN, WHAT MAKES ME MORE WORRIED IS NOT -- IS NOT SIMPLY
THAT THIS EXISTS, BUT THAT SO MANY PEOPLE ARE COMFORTABLE WITH
THIS.
IT DOESN'T DISTURB THEM AT THE CORE OF THEIR BEING THAT THEY
KNOW THAT MY JUSTICE AND YOUR JUSTICE ARE INTERWOVEN,
INTERCONNECTED, AND, THEREFORE, IF YOU ARE FACING THIS KIND OF
HYPOCRISY THAT BEARS UPON HOW YOU PROTEST OR HOW YOU DRIVE
YOUR CAR OR WHAT HAVE YOU, THEN I HAVE AN OBLIGATION, YOU AS MY
BROTHER OR SISTER, I HAVE AN OBLIGATION TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT
IT.
AND WE'RE FAILING IN THIS COUNTRY, AND IT'S A POVERTY OF
EMPATHY TO ALL WHO JOIN TOGETHER IN COMMON CAUSE TO DEAL WITH
WHAT I BELIEVE IS THIS PERSISTENT DISLOCATION THAT
EXISTS WITHIN CRIMINAL JUSTICE, ONE LAW ENFORCEMENT, WITHIN OUR
SOCIETY.
>> Stephen: BEFORE WE GO, I HAVE ONE COMPLETELY UNRELATED
QUESTION TO ANYTHING WE'VE TALKED ABOUT SO FAR, BUT IT IS
AN ENTERTAINMENT SHOW, AND I KNOW, BESIDES BEING A SENATOR,
YOU ARE A HUGE NERD.
( LAUGHTER ) I ALREADY KNEW THAT YOU WERE
DATING ROUGH CZARO DAWSON -- ROW ROSARIO DAWSON.
WHAT IS IT LIKE DATING HER?
>> I DON'T CALL HER A DROPOUT TO HER FACE BECAUSE SHE ACTUALLY
TRAINS IN MARTIAL ARTS NOW.
>> Stephen: SURE.
IT IS PRETTY EXTRAORDINARY.
WE ALL ARE INCREDIBLY BLESSED, AND THAT IS ONE OF MY BLESSINGS,
AND, YOU KNOW, I PRAY ON THIS MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY THAT WE
ALL CAN BE ONE IN THE FORCE, SO TO SPEAK, AND, GOD WILLING, MAY
THAT FORCE BE ONE OF LOVE FOR ALL OF US.
>> STEPHEN: SENATOR CORY BOOKER, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY "INFINITY SONG."
♪♪♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.
PERFORMING THE TITLE TRACK FROM THEIR ALBUM, "MAD LOVE,"
INFINITY SONG.
♪ I'VE GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU BROTHER
♪ YOU'VE BEEN WITH ME FROM THE START
♪ I'VE GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU SISTER
♪ YOU'VE GOT A PIECE OF MY HEART
♪ EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I DON'T SAY IT ENOUGH
♪ I WANT YOU TO KNOW WHAT I FEEL IN MY HEART
♪ I DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK THAT I TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED
♪ YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME PLEASE UNDERSTAND IT
♪ 'CAUSE I GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU 'CAUSE I GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU
♪ 'CAUSE I GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU I'VE GOT MAD LOVE
♪ FOR YOU, MAMA YOU BROUGHT ME
♪ INTO THIS WORLD I'VE GOT MAD LOVE
♪ FOR YOU FATHER YOU TAUGHT ME TO PERSEVERE
♪ EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I DON'T SAY IT ENOUGH
♪ I WANT YOU TO KNOW WHAT I FEEL IN MY HEART
♪ I DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK THAT I TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED
♪ YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME PLEASE UNDERSTAND IT
♪ 'CAUSE I GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU I GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU
♪ I GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU I GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU
♪ MAD LOVE, MAD LOVE MAD LOVE, MAD, MAD LOVE
♪ I GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU MAD LOVE, I GOT MAD LOVE
♪ MAD, MAD LOVE I GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU
♪ MAD LOVE, MAD, MAD LOVE I GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU
♪ MAD LOVE, MAD LOVE I GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU
♪ MAD LOVE, MAD, MAD LOVE I GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU ♪
♪ MAD LOVE, MAD, MAD LOVE I GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU
♪ MAD LOVE, MAD LOVE I GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU
♪ MAD LOVE, MAD, MAD LOVE I GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU
♪ MAD LOVE, MAD LOVE I GOT MAD LOVE FOR YOU
♪ MAD LOVE, MAD LOVE MAD LOVE FOR YOU
>> Stephen: INFINITY SONG, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
OUR THANKS TO GILBERT GODFRIED.
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE JASON SEGEL AND MUSICAL
GUEST, BLACK PUMAS.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.
Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪