1 00:00:01,209 --> 00:00:04,462 >> THE PRESIDENT'S IN-PERSON HOLIDAY GATHERINGS HAVE DRAWN 2 00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:07,757 CRITICISM AS COVID 19 CASES CLIMB. 3 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:10,260 >> HE HAD ANOTHER ONE OF HIS PACKED MASKLESS HOLIDAY PARTIES 4 00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:10,760 AT THE WHITE HOUSE LAST NIGHT. 5 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:11,970 THIS IS FOR HANUKKAH. 6 00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:40,749 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 7 00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:49,090 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 8 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:54,471 >> ANNOUNCER: IT'S "A LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 9 00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:58,141 TONIGHT: A SONG OF ICE AND PFIZER. 10 00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:01,102 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES JAMES CORDEN. 11 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:04,272 AND MUSIC FROM FLEET FOXES. 12 00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:09,819 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HOMIN'. 13 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,989 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE 14 00:01:13,072 --> 00:01:18,995 BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 15 00:01:19,078 --> 00:01:20,121 >> Stephen: MMM! 16 00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:23,500 LOOK AT YOU THERE WATCHING THE TV AND ME DOING A SHOW! 17 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:26,920 THIS IS WORKING OUT! 18 00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:29,714 WELCOME TO A "LATE SHOW." 19 00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:32,884 I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN TEACH. 20 00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:35,512 TO ALL MY JEWISH VIEWERS OUT THERE, HAPPY FIRST NIGHT OF 21 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:36,554 CHANUKAH! 22 00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:40,183 AND TO MY NON-JEWISH VIEWERS, CH-APPY THCHURSDAY. 23 00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:42,685 HANUKKAH IS A BEAUTIFUL HOLIDAY WHERE FAMILIES AROUND THE WORLD 24 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:46,189 LIGHT THE MENORAH, TELL THE STORY OF THE MACCABEES, AND 25 00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:51,903 INSTILL CHILDREN WITH A LIFELONG GAMBLING ADDICTION. 26 00:01:51,986 --> 00:02:01,079 "COME ON, GIMEL! 27 00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:03,915 SHIN? 28 00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:05,083 I CAN'T PUT THREE PIECES OF GELT IN. 29 00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:11,756 RABBI HERSCHEL'S GOING TO BUST MY KNEECAPS!" 30 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:15,885 I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT 5781 HAS BEEN ONE LOOONG LUNAR YEAR. 31 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,095 IS IT DECEMBER 10? 32 00:02:17,178 --> 00:02:21,891 FEELS LIKE THE 289TH OF ADAR. 33 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:22,892 BUT I'M GLAD HANUKKAH'S HERE. 34 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:26,062 WE NEED TO SHINE A LITTLE LIGHT INTO THIS WORLD. 35 00:02:26,145 --> 00:02:28,356 BECAUSE YESTERDAY, THE UNITED STATES SURPASSED 3,000 COVID 36 00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:33,403 DEATHS IN A DAY FOR THE FIRST TIME. 37 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:36,698 LUCKILY, THE VACCINE IS ALREADY BEING ADMINISTERED, AND SHOULD 38 00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:39,909 BE APPROVED ANY MINUTE IN AMERICA. 39 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:46,165 I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT I IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF "CATCH A 40 00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:47,584 THIRD WAVE: ENDLESS BUMMER." 41 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:48,585 >> HEY! 42 00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:49,460 I'M AN ANTI-VAXXER! 43 00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:49,752 THEY'RE TRYING TO MICROCHIP US, PEOPLE! 44 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,963 AHHHH! 45 00:02:52,046 --> 00:03:01,222 (AIR HORN) >> Stephen: ENDLESS BUMMER. 46 00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:04,100 TODAY, THE F.D.A. ADVISORY PANEL CONSIDERED WHETHER TO GRANT THE 47 00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:09,731 PFIZER VACCINE "EMERGENCY USE AUTHORIZATION." 48 00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:10,940 THE FIRST DOSES WILL BE ROLLING OUT TO HEALTH WORKERS AND 49 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,192 LONG-TERM CARE FACILITY RESIDENTS WITHIN DAYS. 50 00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:16,404 THAT'S WHY I'M HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE WE ARE NOW CALLING THIS SHOW "A 51 00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:20,617 LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT ASSISTED LIVING FACILITY." 52 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:24,412 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY PUDDING! 53 00:03:24,495 --> 00:03:27,999 DISTRIBUTION IS GOING TO BE A CHALLENGE, IN PART, BECAUSE 54 00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:32,962 PFIZER'S VACCINE MUST BE STORED AT MINUS 94 DEGREES. 55 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:33,379 AND I'M BEING TOLD WE HAVE A PHOTO OF THE FIRST PERSON TO GET 56 00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:38,134 THIS VACCINE. 57 00:03:38,217 --> 00:03:39,469 LOOKING GOOD. 58 00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:42,138 NOW, BECAUSE THE VACCINE HAS TO BE SHIPPED THAT COLD, DRY ICE 59 00:03:42,221 --> 00:03:44,223 SALES ARE BOOMING. 60 00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:46,476 BUT THAT MUCH DRY ICE IS GOING TO REQUIRE SPECIAL PRECAUTIONS, 61 00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:48,603 WHICH IS WHY THE C.D.C. 62 00:03:48,686 --> 00:03:52,106 RECOMMENDS THAT THE SHOT SHOULD BE ADMINISTERED ONLY BY '80S 63 00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:56,819 HAIR BANDS. 64 00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,154 OF COURSE, WITH ALL THE VACCINE CONSPIRACIES OUT THERE, MANY 65 00:03:58,237 --> 00:04:04,202 AMERICANS ARE SAYING: ♪ WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT ♪ 66 00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:12,627 ♪ NO, WE AIN'T GONNA TAKE IT! ♪ >> STEPHEN: ONE UNFORESEEN 67 00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:13,711 PROBLEM? 68 00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:15,129 THE CHEESE INDUSTRY IS THREATENED BY THE COVID DRY ICE 69 00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:17,215 DEMAND, BECAUSE DRY ICE IS ESSENTIAL IN MAKING DAIRY 70 00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:19,300 CULTURES, USED TO MAKE CHEESE, AND A SHORTAGE WOULD BE 71 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:22,053 DEVASTATING. 72 00:04:22,136 --> 00:04:22,470 NO! 73 00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:23,680 SNOW, SCIENCE! 74 00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,223 YOU CAN'T MAKE AMERICANS CHOOSE BETWEEN THE THING WE NEED TO 75 00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:29,519 LIVE AND A VACCINE. 76 00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:33,356 TELL YOU WHAT, HERE'S A COMPROMISE: JUST INJECT US WITH 77 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:33,940 THE CHEESE. 78 00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:41,864 TIME FOR MY BOOSTER SHOT. 79 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:42,365 OH! 80 00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:51,749 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 81 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:55,378 THIS WAS MY IDEA, YOU WILL REMEMBER. 82 00:04:55,461 --> 00:05:03,094 IN REWRITE I SAID GIVE IT IN MY MOUTH. 83 00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:04,387 SHUT UP NEXT TIME, ME. 84 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:07,223 MEANWHILE, THE ADMINISTRATION, TO TAKE THEIR MINDS OFF OF THE 85 00:05:07,306 --> 00:05:10,059 GLOBAL CRISIS THEY'VE TRIED TO IGNORE, LAST NIGHT THREW TWO 86 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,185 WHITE HOUSE HANUKKAH PARTIES. 87 00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:13,855 REPORTEDLY, THE PRESIDENT SKIPPED THE FIRST PARTY BUT 88 00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:15,064 STOPPED BY THE SECOND. 89 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,065 I'M GUESSING BETWEEN THE TWO PARTIES, SOMEONE MUST HAVE TOLD 90 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,234 HIM WHAT LATKES ARE. 91 00:05:18,317 --> 00:05:22,071 (AS AIDE) "SIR, THEY'RE POTATOES, BUT 92 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,866 THEY'RE DEEP-FRIED AND--" THE PRESIDENT GREETED HIS GUESTS 93 00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:28,286 AND SPOKE ABOUT THE TRUE MEANING OF THIS RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY: 94 00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:30,246 >> WE GOT 75-- ALMOST 75 MILLION VOTES. 95 00:05:30,329 --> 00:05:30,997 THINK OF THIS. 96 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:34,083 THE FIRST TIME, WE GOT 63 MILLION. 97 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:37,587 SECOND TIME, WE GOT 75 MILLION. 98 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:40,089 >> STEPHEN: NOW, THAT MIGHT SEEM LIKE A PATHETIC OLD MAN CLINGING 99 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:44,427 TO PAST GLORIES, BUT HIS CLAIMS OF ELECTION FRAUD ACTUALLY HAVE 100 00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:46,054 A LOT IN COMMON WITH HANUKKAH. 101 00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:49,766 THEY BOTH INVOLVE A MYSTERIOUS, ENDLESS SUPPLY OF OIL. 102 00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,101 OF COURSE, THE PRESIDENT'S TIME IN OFFICE IS DWINDLING. 103 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,270 YESTERDAY, WE REACHED AN IMPORTANT MILESTONE: 104 00:05:54,353 --> 00:05:57,815 ALL 50 STATES AND THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA HAVE NOW CERTIFIED 105 00:05:57,899 --> 00:06:00,943 THEIR PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION RESULTS. 106 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:04,155 AND THE "LATE SHOW" IS READY TO PROJECT THAT JOE BIDEN HAS WON 107 00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:06,282 THE 2020 ELECTION. 108 00:06:06,365 --> 00:06:10,161 FIVE WEEKS AGO. 109 00:06:10,244 --> 00:06:13,289 THAT IS THE TENTH TIME WE'VE PROJECTED THAT, SO NOT ONLY WILL 110 00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:16,125 JOE BIDEN BE THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, HE ALSO 111 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,294 WON A FREE SUB. 112 00:06:18,377 --> 00:06:22,131 BUT, SURPRISE, SURPRISE, THE CURRENT PRESIDENT STILL REFUSES 113 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,132 TO ADMIT HE LOST. 114 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,594 I'LL SHARE HIS LAST GASPS IN TONIGHT'S THRILLING: 115 00:06:26,677 --> 00:06:28,179 I GET KNOCKED DOWN. 116 00:06:28,262 --> 00:06:30,098 I GET KNOCKED DOWN AGAIN. 117 00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:30,598 I KEEP GETTING KNOCKED DOWN. 118 00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:32,975 I GET KNOCKED DOWN. 119 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,143 GET KNOCKED DOWN AGAIN. 120 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:38,481 MY PANTS ARE GETTING BROWN! 121 00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:40,149 I GET KNOCKED DOWN. 122 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,150 GET KNOCKED DOWN AGAIN. 123 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,318 I KEEP GETTING KNOCKED DOWN. 124 00:06:42,401 --> 00:06:44,654 I GET KNOCKED DOWN. 125 00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:48,825 AND KNOCKED TOWN AND KNOCKED DOWN! 126 00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:51,786 >> THE ROAD FROM THE WHITE HOUSE! 127 00:06:51,869 --> 00:07:00,211 >> Stephen: THAT WAS LONGER THAN I EXPECTED IT TO BE. 128 00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:04,298 THIS IS SALTIER THAN I EXPECTED, THAT WAS LONGER THAN I EXPECTED. 129 00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:05,716 THE PRESIDENT HAS NOW PLACED ALL OF HIS HOPES TO OVERTURN 130 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:06,926 DEMOCRACY ON THE SUPREME COURT. 131 00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:09,011 SPECIFICALLY, HE'S JOINING A LAWSUIT FILED BY TEXAS ATTORNEY 132 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:10,471 GENERAL AND MAN HOLDING IN A BURP AND A FART AT THE SAME 133 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,515 TIME, KEN PAXTON. 134 00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:17,979 IN HIS LAWSUIT, PAXTON CLAIMS THAT TEXAS' RIGHTS WERE VIOLATED 135 00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:20,815 WHEN MICHIGAN, GEORGIA, PENNSYLVANIA AND WISCONSIN 136 00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:25,361 CHANGED THEIR ELECTION LAWS TO ALLOW MORE MAIL-IN VOTING. 137 00:07:25,444 --> 00:07:25,695 BUT TEXAS DOESN'T GET TO DECIDE THE ELECTION RULES IN OTHER 138 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:28,239 STATES. 139 00:07:28,322 --> 00:07:30,366 HE'S NOT JUST CHANGING THE RULES OF THE GAME, HE'S CHANGING THE 140 00:07:30,449 --> 00:07:31,617 GAME. 141 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:40,251 IT REMINDS ME OF THAT THRILLING MOMENT IN "THE QUEEN'S GAMBIT:" 142 00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:46,257 >> YAHTZEE! 143 00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:49,427 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: STILL PRETTY GOOD. 144 00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:50,720 AND IT'S NOT JUST TEXAS. 145 00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,680 YESTERDAY, PAXTON WAS JOINED BY REPUBLICAN ATTORNEYS GENERAL IN 146 00:07:52,763 --> 00:07:53,431 17 STATES. 147 00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:57,643 HMM. 148 00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:58,895 I FORGET... 149 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,313 WHAT DO YOU CALL IT WHEN A BUNCH OF STATES BAND TOGETHER TO SAY 150 00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:02,398 THE OTHER STATES ELECTED THE WRONG PRESIDENT? 151 00:08:02,481 --> 00:08:05,276 SOME SORT OF GROUPING OR "CONFEDERATION" OF STATES. 152 00:08:05,359 --> 00:08:08,905 I SEE WHY THEY KEPT ALL THOSE FLAGS. 153 00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:12,992 BUT THE SWING STATES GETTING SUED ARE NOT WORRIED. 154 00:08:13,075 --> 00:08:18,414 EVEN TEXAS SENATOR AND GALLON OF FROZEN MILK, JOHN CORNYN, TOLD 155 00:08:18,497 --> 00:08:21,417 CNN'S MANU RAJU, "I READ JUST THE SUMMARY OF IT, AND I FRANKLY 156 00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:25,087 STRUGGLE TO UNDERSTAND THE LEGAL THEORY OF IT." 157 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,714 LET ME EXPLAIN: THE TEXAS ATTORNEY GENERAL IS JUST 158 00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:30,426 CARRYING WATER FOR THE PRESIDENT, CITING THE LANDMARK 159 00:08:30,509 --> 00:08:34,305 CASE OF BROWN V. NOSE. 160 00:08:34,388 --> 00:08:38,267 CORNYN ADDED, "WHY WOULD A STATE, EVEN SUCH A GREAT STATE 161 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,269 AS TEXAS, HAVE A SAY SO ON HOW OTHER STATES ADMINISTER THEIR 162 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,479 ELECTIONS?" YEAH! 163 00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:44,774 YOU "DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS," BUT TEXAS CAN MESS WITH OTHER 164 00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:46,067 STATES? 165 00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:49,487 I SAY IT'S TIME FOR WISCONSIN TO CHANGE ITS MOTTO TO "WELCOME TO 166 00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:53,574 WISCONSIN-- WHAT ALAMO?" BIG FACEBOOK NEWS! 167 00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:55,451 NO, YOUR OLD FRIENDS FROM CAMP HAVEN'T STOPPED BEING MAD THAT 168 00:08:55,534 --> 00:08:58,329 YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP TO THE ZOOM REUNION. 169 00:08:58,412 --> 00:09:01,582 YESTERDAY, THE U.S. GOVERNMENT AND 48 ATTORNEYS GENERAL FILED 170 00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:04,418 ANTITRUST LAWSUITS AGAINST FACEBOOK, CALLING IT AN ILLEGAL 171 00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:05,503 MONOPOLY. 172 00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:07,672 YES, IT'S JUST LIKE MONOPOLY. 173 00:09:07,755 --> 00:09:09,590 EXCEPT EVERY TIME YOU PASS GO, INSTEAD OF GETTING $200, 174 00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:16,180 ZUCKERBERG SELLS YOUR DATA TO A MOLDOVAN SPAM FARM. 175 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,474 THE SUITS SPECIFICALLY POINT TO FACEBOOK'S PURCHASE OF INSTAGRAM 176 00:09:18,557 --> 00:09:22,436 AND WHATSAPP, WHICH GAVE CONSUMERS FEWER SOCIAL 177 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,981 NETWORKING OPTIONS. 178 00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:28,317 SO THE F.T.C. IS SAYING THAT FACEBOOK MUST BE BROKEN UP. 179 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,486 TO BE CLEAR, FACEBOOK HAS NOT BEEN BROKEN UP YET, BUT IT HAS 180 00:09:30,569 --> 00:09:34,323 CHANGED ITS STATUS TO "IT'S COMPLICATED." 181 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,867 OF COURSE, IF FACEBOOK DOES BREAK UP, IT FACES THE DAUNTING 182 00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:38,661 TASK OF GOING THROUGH AND MANUALLY UN-TAGGING ALL THE 183 00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:40,496 PHOTOS OF IT TOGETHER. 184 00:09:40,579 --> 00:09:42,623 NOW, MY WRITERS ASSURE ME THOSE JKES THAT I JUST TOLD MAKE 185 00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:44,625 SENSE. 186 00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:50,339 I WOULDN'T KNOW, I'VE NEVER BEEN ON THE Facebook MYSELF. 187 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,674 I DO ALL MY SOCIAL NETWORKING ON STEVE-SPACE. 188 00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:54,510 IT'S A GREAT PLACE TO HANG OUT, SHARE PHOTOS, AND CATCH UP WITH 189 00:09:54,593 --> 00:09:55,636 OTHER STEVES. 190 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,389 SEND ME A DIRECT-STEVE, AND I'LL ALLOW YOU TO ACCESS MY 191 00:09:58,472 --> 00:09:59,181 STEVE-STREAM. 192 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,933 SO FACEBOOK COULD BE IN REAL TROUBLE. 193 00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,852 WHICH SEEMS CRAZY, BECAUSE THEY LOOK SO HAPPY IN ALL THE PICS 194 00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:04,478 THEY POST. 195 00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:08,816 THEIR LIFE IS DEFINITELY WAY BETTER THAN MINE. 196 00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:13,154 HEY, SPEAKING OF THINGS BILLIONAIRES OWN BREAKING UP, 197 00:10:13,237 --> 00:10:14,780 YESTERDAY WE GOT SOME EXCITING FOOTAGE FROM SPACEX, THE COMPANY 198 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:22,496 FOUNDED BY TECH ENTREPRENEUR AND MAN WHO COMES PRE-MADAME 199 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:23,664 TUSSAUD-ED, ELON MUSK. 200 00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:26,542 SPACEX HAS BEEN WORKING ON A ROCKET TO MARS, AND WEDNESDAY 201 00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:33,007 THE COMPANY TESTED THEIR NEWEST STARSHIP MODEL "SN-8." 202 00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:34,050 CHECK IT OUT! 203 00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:35,343 THAT'S STRAIGHT OUT OF THE SCI-FI OF MY CHILDHOOD. 204 00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:36,761 JUST LOOKING AT THAT MAKES ME WANT TO EAT SPACE FOOD STICKS 205 00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:40,389 AND CAMPAIGN FOR GEORGE MCGOVERN! 206 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,224 WE EVEN HAVE EARLY FOOTAGE OF THE FEARLESS ASTRONAUTS WHO 207 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:46,520 CONDUCTED TESTING ON THE FIRST PROTOTYPE. 208 00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:53,402 ♪ ♪ 209 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:54,612 >> STEPHEN: SO HOW'D THEY DO THIS TIME? 210 00:10:54,695 --> 00:10:57,198 LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE UNMANNED TEST LAUNCH. 211 00:10:57,281 --> 00:11:01,911 THERE IT IS, BLASTING OFF INTO THE FUTURE! 212 00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:04,580 LOOKING GOOD, ASCENDING CLEANLY, SLIPPING THE SURLY BONDS OF 213 00:11:04,663 --> 00:11:10,586 EARTH TO TOUCH THE FACE OF-- OKAY, NOW IT'S TAKING A NAP! 214 00:11:10,669 --> 00:11:13,422 DON'T-- NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, JUST 215 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,256 COMING DOWN. 216 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:18,052 THAT'S ACTUALLY -- OKAY, REIGNITION! 217 00:11:18,135 --> 00:11:20,763 THE BIG MOMENT: THEY'RE BACKING HER IN SLOWLY. 218 00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:21,555 BEEP, BEEP, BEEP... 219 00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:24,225 (EXPLOSION) OH! 220 00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:28,562 I HOPE THEY SPRANG FOR THE COLLISION DAMAGE WAIVER. 221 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,606 I'M SURE IT'LL BUFF RIGHT OUT. 222 00:11:30,689 --> 00:11:34,276 BUT MUSK INSISTS THAT THE EXPLOSION WASN'T A SURPRISE 223 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,862 BECAUSE THAT ROCKET ONLY "HAD A ONE-IN-THREE CHANCE OF LANDING 224 00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:40,574 SAFELY," AND "WE GOT ALL THE DATA WE NEEDED!" 225 00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:44,412 AND THIS "BELLY FLOP" TECHNIQUE IS INTENDED TO BE THE STARSHIP'S 226 00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:46,789 METHOD TO SAFELY PASS THROUGH THE EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE. 227 00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:50,459 TOTALLY HEAR YOU, ELON. 228 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,586 JUST LIKE ALL MY BELLY FLOPS WERE ALWAYS ON PURPOSE, AND NICK 229 00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:54,797 MCGOOKIN WAS LAUGHING ONLY BECAUSE HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THE 230 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:58,467 DATA MY BRIGHT PINK STOMACH WAS COLLECTING. 231 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,428 ANYWAY, I'M SURE THEY'LL FIGURE THIS OUT. 232 00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:05,099 I MEAN IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE-- WHAT? 233 00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:09,103 I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A HUGE FAN OF COLORS. 234 00:12:09,186 --> 00:12:10,604 A BIT OF A SUBJECT CHANGE. 235 00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:14,275 I'LL WARN YOU, WE'RE ON TO A NEW SUBJECT RIGHT NOW. 236 00:12:14,358 --> 00:12:17,695 I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A HUGE FAN OF COLORS -- 237 00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:18,988 BLUE, GREEN, THE OTHERS. 238 00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:20,656 THAT'S WHY I ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD TO THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE COLOR 239 00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:22,658 OF THE YEAR FROM THE PANTONE COLOR INSTITUTE. 240 00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:25,995 I BELIEVE WE HAVE A PICTURE OF THEIR DISTINGUISHED FACULTY. 241 00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:28,622 BUT 2021 IS GOING TO BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT, BECAUSE FOR THE 242 00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:33,669 UPCOMING YEAR, PANTONE REVEALED NOT ONE, BUT TWO HUES: 243 00:12:33,752 --> 00:12:34,628 ULTIMATE GRAY AND ILLUMINATING. 244 00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:38,674 COOL. 245 00:12:38,757 --> 00:12:40,634 LET ME "ILLUMINATE" YOU ON SOMETHING, PANTONE: THAT'S GRAY 246 00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:44,305 AND YELLOW. 247 00:12:44,388 --> 00:12:45,431 CAN I SEE THOSE COLORS AGAIN? 248 00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:48,184 IT LOOKS LIKE THE TWO COLORS OF SNOW YOU SHOULDN'T EAT. 249 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:49,727 ALSO, AND I DON'T WANT TO GET TECH HERE, GRAY ISN'T EVEN A 250 00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:52,688 COLOR! 251 00:12:52,771 --> 00:12:54,190 IT'S AN ACHROMATIC SHADE. 252 00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:57,651 THAT LITERALLY MEANS "WITHOUT COLOR." 253 00:12:57,735 --> 00:13:01,405 YOU CAN'T HAVE A COLOR OF THE YEAR THAT ISN'T A COLOR. 254 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:04,241 THIS IS 2014 ALL OVER AGAIN, WHEN "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE ANNOUNCED 255 00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:08,537 THEIR NEW "SEXIEST MAN ALIVE:" A SUNBEAM FOUR-SLOT TOASTER. 256 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,664 WITH THESE COLORS, PANTONE SAYS THEY'RE TRYING TO CAPTURE OUR 257 00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:13,375 FEELINGS GOING INTO THE NEW YEAR, BUT I GOT TO TELL YOU, 258 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:16,670 THEY WERE MUCH MORE ACCURATE LAST YEAR, WHEN THEY SELECTED 259 00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:18,839 2020'S COLOR: CLASSIC BLUE, WHICH THEY DESCRIBED AS A COLOR 260 00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:22,218 THAT ANTICIPATES WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT. 261 00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:22,885 AND THEY WERE RIGHT. 262 00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:25,763 BECAUSE 2020 CERTAINLY BLEW. 263 00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:28,724 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 264 00:13:28,807 --> 00:13:30,017 JAMES CORDEN IS HERE. 265 00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:34,063 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I'LL BE JOINED BY MY LOVELY WIFE EVIE TO 266 00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:37,608 SHOW YOU SOME NOT-SO-LOVELY FIRST DRAFTS OF HOLIDAY CARDS. 267 00:13:37,691 --> 00:13:38,025 STICK AROUND. 268 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:08,973 ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 269 00:14:09,056 --> 00:14:09,765 WELCOME BACK. 270 00:14:09,848 --> 00:14:12,101 LET'S SAY HI TO JON BATISTE. 271 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:14,436 HELLO, JON BATISTE >> Jon: OH, YES, INDEED, 272 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:19,275 CONTEMPLATING THE WONDERS AND JOYCE OF LIVING -- JOYS OF 273 00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:20,192 LIVING >> Stephen: ME, TOO. 274 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,945 PEOPLE DON'T EXPECT US TO DO FRIDAY SHOWS. 275 00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:27,116 THEY'RE QUITE RARE BUT WHEN WE DO THEM THEY'RE VERY SPECIAL. 276 00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:30,077 TOMORROW NIGHT WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL FRIDAY SHOW BECAUSE 277 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:33,080 TOMORROW NIGHT WE'RE GOING BACK TO NEW ZEALAND. 278 00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:34,248 NOT LITERALLY. 279 00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:38,961 IT'S ACTUALLY ALL THE PIECES THATTA AXE -- THAT REACTUALLY 280 00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:40,129 DIDN'T SHOW. 281 00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:44,341 IT'S THE BEHIND THE SCENES OF HOW WE DID THE SPECIAL WEEK OF 282 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:46,093 SHOWS BACK A YEAR AGO AT THIS POINT. 283 00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:48,804 WE HAD MEANT TO SHOW THIS ACTUALLY IN THE SPRING, BUT THEN 284 00:14:48,887 --> 00:14:52,933 COVID HIT AND WE THOUGHT, WHEN'S THE RIGHT TIME TO DO THIS? 285 00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:56,312 AND THEN THIS WEEK WE WENT, YEAH, SEEMS LIKE THE RIGHT TIME 286 00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:58,314 TO DO THIS. 287 00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:00,316 BUT IT'S EXTRAORDINARY. 288 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:04,320 STUFF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN, RARE INTERVIEWS WITH PETER JACKSON, 289 00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:05,195 INCREDIBLE. 290 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:06,155 YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO CHECK IT OUT, JON 291 00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:09,867 >> Jon: OH, YEAH, YEAH, I'D LOVE TO SEE IT. 292 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:10,993 BEHIND THE SCENES, BABY! 293 00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:14,038 >> Stephen: HAVE A LOVELY WEEKEND, MY FRIEND 294 00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:14,955 >> Jon: YES, YOU, TOO. 295 00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:18,042 MUCH LOVE TO YOU AND EVIE. 296 00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:21,962 >> Stephen: BACK TO YOU. 297 00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:23,088 FOLKS... 298 00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,173 THE HOLIDAYS ARE JUST AROUND THE CORNER, AND ALL OVER THE 299 00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,634 COUNTRY, AMERICANS ARE SCRAMBLING TO FIND THE PERFECT 300 00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:28,177 GIFT TO DIP IN BLEACH BEFORE SENDING IT TO NANA. 301 00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:30,679 WE'RE ALL MAKING A LOT OF SACRIFICES DURING THE HOLIDAY 302 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:31,930 SEASON, DUE TO THE PANDEMIC. 303 00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:33,974 BUT ONE THING WE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SACRIFICE ARE HOLIDAY CARDS. 304 00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:36,185 EVERYONE LOVES THEM. 305 00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:37,978 BUT THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THESE CARDS DON'T ALWAYS GET IT RIGHT 306 00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,147 ON THE FIRST TRY. 307 00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:42,858 SO WE'RE TAKING A LOOK AT SOME OF THEIR EARLY ATTEMPTS IN OUR 308 00:15:42,941 --> 00:15:52,034 HOLIDAY SEGMENT, "FIRST DRAFTS!" >> NO, NO, STUPID! 309 00:15:52,117 --> 00:16:00,084 >> Stephen: AS ALWAYS WITH "FIRST DRAFTS," I 310 00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:01,043 NEED SOMEONE FROM THE AUDIENCE TO COME UP AND HELP ME OUT. 311 00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:02,044 LET'S SEE, UM, MISS? 312 00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:04,672 WOULD YOU HELP ME? 313 00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:06,090 LOVELY TO MEET YOU >> LOVELY TO MEET YOU 314 00:16:06,173 --> 00:16:10,010 >> Stephen: WHAT'S YOUR NAME? 315 00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:15,057 EVELYN COLBERT. 316 00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:15,849 >> Stephen: WOW. 317 00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:18,185 I'M NOT AFRAID TO SAY I'M TURNED ON. 318 00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:24,900 THIS IS ROLE PLAYING, WE INTRODUCE EACH OTHER. 319 00:16:24,983 --> 00:16:25,567 HI, I'M STEPHEN. 320 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,945 WE HAVE THE SAME LAST NAME. 321 00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:30,155 LET'S FIND OUT WHERE THIS GOES. 322 00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:31,240 HERE'S HOW THIS WORKS. 323 00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:34,576 YOU FAMILIAR WITH "FIRST DRAFTS"? 324 00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,204 >> I'VE SEEN THE SHOW >> Stephen: YOU A FAN? 325 00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:38,038 YEAH >> Stephen: YOU SHOULD, PAID 326 00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:40,374 FOR THOSE RINGS. 327 00:16:40,457 --> 00:16:41,083 ( LAUGHTER ) SIGNALING SHIPS. 328 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:41,458 OKAY. 329 00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:42,960 HERE WE GO. 330 00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:45,546 HERE'S HOW YOU DO. 331 00:16:45,629 --> 00:16:48,090 YOU'VE GOT A STACK OF THINGS THERE, THE CARDS RIGHT THERE. 332 00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:49,591 YOU GOT THOSE. 333 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:50,426 >> I GOT THEM. 334 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:53,095 >> Stephen: YOU WANT A GLASS OF WINE? 335 00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:55,055 >> LET'S LOOSEN YOU UP A LITTLE BIT. 336 00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:56,265 THERE YOU GO. 337 00:16:56,348 --> 00:17:00,060 SO YOU'RE GOING TO SHOW ME A HOLIDAY CARD, AREALLY NICE ONE, 338 00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:05,941 AND THEN AFTER THAT YOU'RE GOING TO SHOW ME THE SAME CARD BUT THE 339 00:17:06,024 --> 00:17:08,110 FIRST DRAFT THAT REALLY WASN'T SO GREAT. 340 00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:08,485 OKAY. 341 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:09,069 MAKES SENSE. 342 00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,280 >> AM I LOOKING AT YOU? 343 00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:13,323 >> Stephen: LOOKING AT ME. 344 00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:14,575 EYES OVER HERE, BABY. 345 00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:15,617 I'M LOOKING AT THEM. 346 00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:16,410 >> I SEE HOW THAT WORKS. 347 00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:18,078 >> Stephen: GIVE ME THE DAMN CARD. 348 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:22,082 SORRY THIS IS GOING SO LONG, EVERYBODY, BUT I THINK I'M 349 00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:24,293 GETTING SOMEPLACE WITH THIS ONE. 350 00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:26,962 HERE'S THE FIRST ONE, DO WE DO IT OVER HERE? 351 00:17:27,045 --> 00:17:33,135 THERE'S A LOVELY SORT OF TRADITIONAL WARD AND IT SAYS 352 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:34,261 "O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL." 353 00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:36,096 BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID "WHOA, SIX FEET, YE FAITHFUL! 354 00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:42,811 DON'T YE LISTEN TO THE C.D.C.?" ( LAUGHTER ) 355 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:46,148 SO WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE FOR CHRISTMAS? 356 00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:48,650 >> WHAT WOULD I LIKE? 357 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,444 >> Stephen: WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE FOR CHRISTMAS? 358 00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:51,278 >> A VACCINE. 359 00:17:51,361 --> 00:17:53,030 >> Stephen: I'M SORRY, I CAN'T TO THAT. 360 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:54,031 >> I KNOW. 361 00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:55,157 A WELL-TRAINED DOG. 362 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:59,286 >> Stephen: WHOA, CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT EITHER. 363 00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:03,665 QUICKER TO GET YOU A VACCINE. 364 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,126 BENNY'S FANTASTIC BUT HE NEEDS LOVE ON HIS OWN TERMS, LIKE MOST 365 00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:07,169 MEN. 366 00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:07,753 OKAY. 367 00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:10,130 >> READY FOR THE NEXT ONE? 368 00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:14,510 >> Stephen: DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS? 369 00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:15,844 I'LL PULL IT OUT OF YOU. 370 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,387 >> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE? 371 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:18,347 WHAT DO YOU WANT? 372 00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:22,476 >> Stephen: I'D LIKE A COTTON CANDY MACHINE. 373 00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:22,851 OKAY. 374 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:26,313 >> TOO MESSY. 375 00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:29,024 >> Stephen: THIS ONE IS ABOUT THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS, 376 00:18:29,107 --> 00:18:30,776 ALL RIGHT. 377 00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:34,655 IT SAYS CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT THAT VERY SPECIAL CHILD, THE PEACE OF 378 00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:37,032 CHRIST BE WITH YOU. 379 00:18:37,115 --> 00:18:38,992 THAT IS REALLY NICE. 380 00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:43,539 >> THOSE PEOPLE HAVE A REALLY NICE CARD. 381 00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:51,755 >> Stephen: BUT THE FIRST CARD SAID YOU BETTER GET ME THAT 382 00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:56,426 $90 DOLL OR I'LL MELT DOWN CHERNOBYL. 383 00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:58,220 WHAT'S THE MANDOLIN CALLED. 384 00:18:58,303 --> 00:18:59,388 >> THE MANDALORIAN. 385 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:04,601 >> Stephen: THAT'S A PERFECTLY VALID MISTAKE TO HAVE MADE. 386 00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:06,854 >> NOT ABOUT STAR WARS. 387 00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:14,611 THAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO YOU. 388 00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:18,532 >> Stephen: DO YOU WANT TO DO A TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS MEAL? 389 00:19:18,615 --> 00:19:19,616 >> HAS TO BE TURKEY. 390 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:20,909 >> Stephen: WHY. 391 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:21,827 THAT'S FOR THANKSGIVING. 392 00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:26,415 >> THIS IS NOT THE YEAR TO CHANGE ANYTHING. 393 00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:28,208 >> Stephen: OKAY. 394 00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:31,420 HERE'S A HOLIDAY PUN. 395 00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:45,058 HERE'S SANTA ON THE FRONT AND INSIDE IT SAYS, "I SLEIGH." 396 00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:46,268 BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID "RUDOLPH, WAS THAT A DRIFTER? 397 00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:47,060 I THINK WE HIT A DRIFTER! 398 00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:53,066 THINK, SANTA, THINK!" ( LAUGHTER ) 399 00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:53,775 IT'S DARK. 400 00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,068 BETTER HEAD HOME OVER HERE. 401 00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:55,986 >> THIS IS VERY SIMPLE. 402 00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:58,322 >> Stephen: THIS ONE IS VERY SIMPLE, LIKE ME. 403 00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:04,244 THIS ONE JUST SAYS, "MERRY CHRISTMAS, JACK FROST IS NIPPING 404 00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:07,122 AT YOUR NOSE." 405 00:20:07,205 --> 00:20:07,956 >> VERY SWEET. 406 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:16,131 >> Stephen: VERY SIMPLE, KIND OF CUTE. 407 00:20:16,214 --> 00:20:17,132 BUT HERE'S THE FIRST DRAFT: "MERRY CHRISTMAS. 408 00:20:17,215 --> 00:20:19,468 THE MASK GOES OVER YOUR NOSE TOO, YA NUMBNUT!" 409 00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,803 >> THERE'S PEOPLE I COULD SEND THAT TO. 410 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:23,055 >> Stephen: YOU CERTAINLY COULD. 411 00:20:23,138 --> 00:20:28,518 I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL THE OTHER AT A GETTING MY EAR CHECKED ON 412 00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:30,979 AND SOMEBODY HAS THE MASK DOWN HERE. 413 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,105 >> SCARY. 414 00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:34,316 >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MISS ABOUT THE COVID-NESS OF 415 00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:35,359 CHRISTMAS RIGHT NOW? 416 00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:37,194 >> GO TO CHRISTMAS PARTIES. 417 00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:40,364 >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. 418 00:20:40,447 --> 00:20:42,115 YEP. 419 00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:43,325 >> SING CHRISTMAS CAROLS. 420 00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:46,328 >> Stephen: YOU CAN STILL SING CHRISTMAS CAROLS BY YOURSELF. 421 00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:47,371 >> THAT'S NOT VERY NICE. 422 00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:48,372 WHAT I SING BY MYSELF IS NOT VERY GOOD. 423 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:50,666 >> Stephen: COME ON. 424 00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,209 YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO KIND OF -- 425 00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:55,170 >> Stephen: DO YOU WANT TO SING CHRISTMAS CAROLS? 426 00:20:55,253 --> 00:20:55,671 >> NO, I DO NOT. 427 00:20:55,754 --> 00:21:01,176 >> Stephen: COME ON. 428 00:21:01,259 --> 00:21:05,013 ♪ O COME ALL YE FAITHFUL ♪ >> NO, I'M NOT DOING IT. 429 00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,349 >> Stephen: IS THIS GOING A LITTLE LONG? 430 00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:08,725 >> TEN MINUTES. 431 00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:10,727 DON'T I GET PAID BY THE MINUTE? 432 00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:12,688 >> Stephen: YOU GET PAID BY THE POUND. 433 00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:15,023 ALL RIGHT. 434 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:16,024 HERE WE GO. 435 00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:19,194 HERE'S A NICE HOLIDAY CARD FOR THE CHOSEN PEOPLE. 436 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:23,198 VERY SIMPLE, IT SAYS, "HAPPY HANUKKAH." 437 00:21:23,281 --> 00:21:30,038 BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, "HAPPY HANUKKAH," BUT WITH TWO Ns. 438 00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:34,418 THERE WAS AN EARLIER DRAFT THAT SAID HAPPY HANUKKAH WITH ONLY 439 00:21:34,501 --> 00:21:36,253 ONE N BUT A CCH. 440 00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:42,009 THEN A FEW MORE DRAFTS WITH CH AND TWO Ks. 441 00:21:42,092 --> 00:21:45,512 THERE'S CH, TWO Ns, ONE K. 442 00:21:45,595 --> 00:21:49,391 THEN THERE'S BACK TO THE H AND ONE N. 443 00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:56,106 AND THEN FINALLY THERE'S THIS ONE, HAPPY HANUKKAH WITH ONE H, 444 00:21:56,189 --> 00:22:02,946 TWO Ks, AND THEN THIS ONE, WHY WAS I GIVEN THIS ASSIGNMENT, I'M 445 00:22:03,030 --> 00:22:03,405 EPISCOPALIAN! 446 00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:04,448 >> I LOVE THAT. 447 00:22:04,531 --> 00:22:07,034 I HAVE TO LOOK IT UP EVERY TIME I SPELL THE WORD. 448 00:22:07,117 --> 00:22:13,957 >> Stephen:ENED YOU'RE NOT EVEN EPISCOPALIAN. 449 00:22:14,041 --> 00:22:15,083 YOU'RE PRESBYTERIAN. 450 00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:19,588 BUT YOU WENT TO A EPISCOPAL CHURCH WHEN YOU WERE A KID. 451 00:22:19,671 --> 00:22:20,380 >> BECAUSE THE MUSIC IS GOOD. 452 00:22:20,464 --> 00:22:23,216 >> Stephen: THAT'S THE DIFFERENT. 453 00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:24,259 I'M CAT LICK. 454 00:22:24,342 --> 00:22:28,764 YOU HAVE TO GO TO A CATHOLIC CHURCH, DOESN'T COUNT. 455 00:22:28,847 --> 00:22:30,599 >> PRESBYTERIANS IT'S JUST ABOUT THE SERMON. 456 00:22:30,682 --> 00:22:32,434 YOU CAN HEAR IT FROM ANYBODY. 457 00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:33,310 >> Stephen: YOU COULD HEAR IT ON THE RADIO. 458 00:22:33,393 --> 00:22:38,440 >> NOT REALLY, BUT YOU COULD. 459 00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:43,236 >> Stephen: CHRIS WANTS US TO WRAP UP BECAUSE WE'RE ABOUT TO 460 00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:48,325 START SOME SORT OF INTERNICENE CHRISTIAN WAR HERE. 461 00:22:48,408 --> 00:22:50,535 >> DO I HAVE TO LEAVE NOW? 462 00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:53,455 >> Stephen: NO, YOU CAN STAY RIGHT THERE, BUT JAMES CORDEN IS 463 00:22:53,538 --> 00:22:57,834 COMING UP NEXT. 464 00:22:57,918 --> 00:22:58,627 >> OKAY. 465 00:22:58,710 --> 00:23:00,462 >> Stephen: MERRY CHRISTMAS, DARLING. 466 00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:01,463 >> MERRY CHRISTMAS, DARLING. 467 00:23:01,546 --> 00:23:02,297 >> Stephen: I DO WANT A COTTON CANDY MACHINE. 468 00:23:02,380 --> 00:23:02,881 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JAMES CORDEN. 469 00:23:19,189 --> 00:23:20,148 ♪ >> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK. 470 00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:22,609 HE IS A TONY AND EMMY AWARD-WINNER YOU KNOW AS THE 471 00:23:22,692 --> 00:23:25,445 HOST OF "THE LATE LATE SHOW" ON CBS. 472 00:23:25,529 --> 00:23:26,488 HIS NEW MOVIE IS "THE PROM." 473 00:23:26,571 --> 00:23:29,866 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW," JAMES CORDEN! 474 00:23:29,950 --> 00:23:31,284 HELLO, JAMES CORDEN. 475 00:23:31,368 --> 00:23:31,743 HOW ARE YOU? 476 00:23:31,827 --> 00:23:32,327 >> HELLO, STEPHEN. 477 00:23:32,410 --> 00:23:33,495 LOOK AT YOU. 478 00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:36,957 >> Stephen: THE LAST TIME WE SPOKE, MID SUMMER, JULY, JUNE, 479 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,458 SOMETHING LIKE THAT? 480 00:23:38,542 --> 00:23:39,584 >> YES. 481 00:23:39,668 --> 00:23:41,503 >> Stephen: YOU WERE IN, AS YOU MIGHT SAY, YOUR GARAGE. 482 00:23:41,586 --> 00:23:43,004 >> AS YOU MIGHT SAY, GARAGE. 483 00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:44,506 >> Stephen: EXACTLY RIGHT. 484 00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:45,465 WE'RE BOTH RIGHT. 485 00:23:45,549 --> 00:23:47,717 WHAT'S IT LIKE BEING BACK IN THE STUDIO? 486 00:23:47,801 --> 00:23:50,595 WHAT'S THE CHANGE IN THE VIBE FOR YOU? 487 00:23:50,679 --> 00:23:54,516 >> WELL, IT DOESN'T SMELL AS MANY FUMES AS IT DID WHEN I WAS 488 00:23:54,599 --> 00:24:01,523 IN MY GARAGE, SO IT'S NICE JUST TO SEE PEOPLE AND ALSO -- 489 00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:03,692 >> Stephen: MY PEOPLE? 490 00:24:03,775 --> 00:24:05,569 THERE'S A SMATTERING OF PEOPLE. 491 00:24:05,652 --> 00:24:09,489 THERE'S, YOU KNOW, OUR CAMERA CREW, AND WHO ELSE WOULD YOU 492 00:24:09,573 --> 00:24:10,615 RATHER LOOK AT? 493 00:24:10,699 --> 00:24:14,995 THAT'S THE TRUTH, MARK, PEAT, EVERYBODY, IT'S GORGEOUS. 494 00:24:15,078 --> 00:24:17,873 SO IT IS NICE TO BE HERE, IT'S STRANGE. 495 00:24:17,956 --> 00:24:20,709 THOUGH I HAVE TO SAY, I'M REALLY GETTING USED TO IT, NOT HAVING 496 00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:22,419 AN AUDIENCE AND ALL THOSE THINGS, ARE YOU FINDING THAT OR 497 00:24:22,502 --> 00:24:24,588 ARE YOU MISSING AN AUDIENCE? 498 00:24:24,671 --> 00:24:27,716 >> Stephen: IN MY MIND, I CAN IMAGINE EVERY JOKE WORKS. 499 00:24:27,799 --> 00:24:29,885 >> YOU NEED TO GET ONE OF THESE. 500 00:24:29,968 --> 00:24:31,428 I'VE GOT THIS BOX HERE. 501 00:24:31,511 --> 00:24:36,391 IF YOU GIVE A JOKE NOW, ANY JOKE >> Stephen: TWO PEANUTS WERE 502 00:24:36,474 --> 00:24:40,103 WALKING DOWN THE STREET AND ONE WAS A-SALTED. 503 00:24:40,187 --> 00:24:42,564 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> YOU SEE, LOOK AT THAT. 504 00:24:42,647 --> 00:24:46,735 ETH ALREADY A WHOLE -- AND IF YOU TOLD A SLIGHTLY RISKY JOKE 505 00:24:46,818 --> 00:24:52,073 ABOUT POLITICS, I WOULD BE LIKE -- 506 00:24:52,157 --> 00:24:52,991 >> OOOH! 507 00:24:53,074 --> 00:24:55,160 >> Stephen: WHY DON'T I HAVE ONE OF THESE? 508 00:24:55,243 --> 00:24:57,370 IT'S THE 11:30 SHOW. 509 00:24:57,454 --> 00:25:01,458 WHY DOES 12:30 HAVE THIS BOX AND I DON'T? 510 00:25:01,541 --> 00:25:02,584 I DON'T THE STATUS. 511 00:25:02,667 --> 00:25:05,879 THANK YOU, JAMES, YOU GAVE ME SOMETHING TO BE MAD ABOUT. 512 00:25:05,962 --> 00:25:09,758 >> THE TRUTH IS IT'S NOT JUST CBS SHOULD HAVE THIS, IT SHOULD 513 00:25:09,841 --> 00:25:14,888 BE -- IT SHOULD BE -- >> WOW! 514 00:25:14,971 --> 00:25:16,473 ALL THE NETWORKS! 515 00:25:16,556 --> 00:25:17,390 >> THAT'S RUDY GIULIANI. 516 00:25:17,474 --> 00:25:19,935 I HAVE A SMORGASBORD OF DIFFERENT SOUNDS. 517 00:25:20,018 --> 00:25:23,772 >> Stephen: THAT'S THE ACTUAL RUDY GIULIANI. 518 00:25:23,855 --> 00:25:25,607 >> OUTSIDE FOUR SEASONS TOTAL LANDSCAPING, YEAH. 519 00:25:25,690 --> 00:25:27,609 >> Stephen: CHRISTMAS, MY FRIEND, IS BUT A FEW WEEKS AWAY. 520 00:25:27,692 --> 00:25:32,113 I DON'T KNOW IF WE WERE GOING TO DISCUSS THIS BUT MY EXPERIENCE 521 00:25:32,197 --> 00:25:34,616 WITH CHRISTMAS IN YOUR HOME COUNTRY IS THAT IT'S 522 00:25:34,699 --> 00:25:35,283 EXTRAORDINARY. 523 00:25:35,367 --> 00:25:36,952 YOU GUYS KNOW HOW TO DO IT. 524 00:25:37,035 --> 00:25:38,119 >> YEAH. 525 00:25:38,203 --> 00:25:39,579 >> Stephen: ON A LEVEL, AT LEAST YOU EMBRACE IT ON A LEVEL 526 00:25:39,663 --> 00:25:41,289 THAT WE JUST DON'T. 527 00:25:41,373 --> 00:25:45,085 WE THINK THAT WE PUT OUT THE LIGHTS AND GET OUR FOG ON BUT 528 00:25:45,168 --> 00:25:47,837 YOU GUYS TAKE IT WAY MORE SERIOUSLY THAN WE DO. 529 00:25:47,921 --> 00:25:50,507 DO YOU HAVE DEEP AND ABIDING FAMILY TRADITIONS YOU HAVE TO DO 530 00:25:50,590 --> 00:25:51,675 EVERY YEAR? 531 00:25:51,758 --> 00:25:58,974 I JUST HAD KATE WINSLET ON AND THEY SAID THEY DO THE WHOLE 532 00:25:59,057 --> 00:26:02,602 FIGGY PUDDING HARD SAUCE AND EVERYTHING. 533 00:26:02,686 --> 00:26:03,687 DO YOU DO THAT. 534 00:26:03,770 --> 00:26:07,232 >> WE DON'T DO THE SAUCE BUT I AGREE THAT BRITAIN IS A 535 00:26:07,315 --> 00:26:08,692 PARTICULARLY BEAUTIFUL TIME AT CHRISTMAS. 536 00:26:08,775 --> 00:26:11,444 I THINK ONE OF THE REASONS, WE DON'T HAVE THANKSGIVING. 537 00:26:11,528 --> 00:26:15,365 SO MY BIGGEST MYSTERY IS WHY ANYONE CHOSE TO PUT THANKSGIVING 538 00:26:15,448 --> 00:26:17,117 JUST THREE WEEKS BEFORE CHRISTMAS. 539 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,786 LIKE, I WOULD HAVE SPREAD THAT OUT. 540 00:26:19,869 --> 00:26:26,001 >> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW WHOSE FAULT THAT IS, HONEST TO GOD? 541 00:26:26,084 --> 00:26:30,171 IT'S ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S, HE DECLARED THE FIRST THANKSGIVING. 542 00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:33,008 >> THAT'S ENOUGH TO FORGET HIS WHOLE PRESIDENCY. 543 00:26:33,091 --> 00:26:33,842 WHAT ELSE DID HE DO? 544 00:26:33,925 --> 00:26:35,343 I MEAN, COME ON. 545 00:26:35,427 --> 00:26:38,096 >> Stephen: WHAT DO THE KIDS WANT THIS YEAR? 546 00:26:38,179 --> 00:26:39,222 THEY WON'T BE WATCHING. 547 00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:43,351 WHAT IS THE BEST GIFT BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE YOUNG ONES AT 548 00:26:43,435 --> 00:26:44,185 CHRISTMASTIME. 549 00:26:44,269 --> 00:26:46,688 MINE ARE LIKE 6-2 AND COULD BENCH ME. 550 00:26:46,771 --> 00:26:47,522 THEY'RE HUGE NOW. 551 00:26:47,605 --> 00:26:50,734 WHAT DO THE LITTLE ONES WANT THIS YEAR. 552 00:26:50,817 --> 00:26:55,196 THE BABY YODA, SOMETHING LIKE THAT? 553 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:59,743 >> MY SON WHO IS 9 WANTS MUSIC EQUIPMENT, HE'S REALLY INTO THE 554 00:26:59,826 --> 00:27:04,664 GUITAR AND DRUMS, SO HE'S AFTER THINGS LIKE A LOOP PEDAL, WHICH 555 00:27:04,748 --> 00:27:06,124 I'M MORE THAN HAPPY TO. 556 00:27:06,207 --> 00:27:07,584 I THINK THAT'S A GREAT GIFT. 557 00:27:07,667 --> 00:27:11,838 AND MY DAUGHTERS, IT'S, YOU KNOW, ALL OF THE SORT OF SIMILAR 558 00:27:11,921 --> 00:27:20,597 KIND OF JoJo SEE WA. 559 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:25,727 >> Stephen: I'VE HEARD THE NAME BUT I DON'T KNOW ENOUGH. 560 00:27:25,810 --> 00:27:28,855 IT'S ON ME THAT I DON'T KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT THAT. 561 00:27:28,938 --> 00:27:30,023 >> I ENVY YOU GREATLY. 562 00:27:30,106 --> 00:27:38,239 >> Stephen: YOU DID A TRUMP PARODY OF MAYBE I'M AMAZED AT 563 00:27:38,323 --> 00:27:39,449 THE PIANO. 564 00:27:39,532 --> 00:27:42,952 IT WAS -- NOT ONLY WAS IT FUNNY, BUT IT WAS REALLY BEAUTIFULLY 565 00:27:43,036 --> 00:27:43,745 DONE. 566 00:27:43,828 --> 00:27:44,662 I REALLY ADMIRED YOUR JOB WITH THAT. 567 00:27:44,746 --> 00:27:46,915 IT WAS REALLY FANTASTIC. 568 00:27:46,998 --> 00:27:51,920 IT WAS CALLED "MAYBE I'M IMMUNE" FOR THOSE PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T 569 00:27:52,003 --> 00:27:53,088 WATCH IT. 570 00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:55,757 GO TO CBS ALL ACCESS AND WATCH IT. 571 00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:59,427 IT'S VERY REASONABLY PRICED FOR A MONTHLY MEMBERSHIP, YOU KNOW. 572 00:27:59,511 --> 00:28:03,431 BUT I UNDERSTAND YOU GOT A VERY SPECIAL CALL SHORTLY THEREAFTER. 573 00:28:03,515 --> 00:28:04,641 >> I DID. 574 00:28:04,724 --> 00:28:06,810 THAT'S THE GREATEST THING ABOUT MAKING THESE SHOWS WE MAKE NOW 575 00:28:06,893 --> 00:28:09,729 IS YOU PUT SOMETHING OUT THERE, AND IT LIVES, THEN, FOR THE NEXT 576 00:28:09,813 --> 00:28:14,442 DAY TORE THE NEXT WEEK OR HOWEVER LONG PEOPLE FIND IT AND 577 00:28:14,526 --> 00:28:19,948 TALK ABOUT THINGS AND THE NEXT DAY PAUL McCARTNEY CALLED ME, 578 00:28:20,031 --> 00:28:24,661 WHICH IS AMAZING, AN AMAZING MOMENT IN ITSELF FOR ANYBODY. 579 00:28:24,744 --> 00:28:27,747 >> Stephen: YOU CAN STOP THE STORY RIGHT THERE AND IT WOULD 580 00:28:27,831 --> 00:28:28,289 BE PRETTY GOOD. 581 00:28:28,373 --> 00:28:29,249 I REALIZE THAT. 582 00:28:29,332 --> 00:28:30,750 PLEASE GO ON. 583 00:28:30,834 --> 00:28:34,295 >> BECAUSE HE SAID HE JUST REALLY ENJOYED IT AND HE REALLY 584 00:28:34,379 --> 00:28:35,505 LIKED IT. 585 00:28:35,588 --> 00:28:39,926 WE WERE TALKING AND HE SAID HE FOUND OUT ABOUT IT BECAUSE HE 586 00:28:40,009 --> 00:28:44,305 GOT SENT THE YouTube LINK ON A TEXT FROM WILLIE NELSON, WHICH I 587 00:28:44,389 --> 00:28:48,309 WAS, LIKE, WELL THAT'S IT NOW, I'VE PEAKED, THE REST IS 588 00:28:48,393 --> 00:28:49,144 DOWNHILL FROM THAT. 589 00:28:49,227 --> 00:28:53,273 >> Stephen: HOW DID WILLIE GET IT? 590 00:28:53,356 --> 00:28:54,732 WELL, BARBRA STREISAND SENT IT TO HIM. 591 00:28:54,816 --> 00:28:58,445 >> I LIKE THE IDEA OF WILLIE NELSON COPYING AND PASTING A 592 00:28:58,528 --> 00:28:59,863 YouTube LINK INTO A TEXT. 593 00:28:59,946 --> 00:29:03,950 I LOVE IT. 594 00:29:04,033 --> 00:29:08,955 >> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, YOUR CAR POOL KARAOKE WITH SIR PAUL 595 00:29:09,038 --> 00:29:12,208 IS EXTRAORDINARY, AND I THINK 4.2 BILLION PEOPLE HAVE SEEN IT 596 00:29:12,292 --> 00:29:17,005 AT THIS POINT, BUT YOU HAD A HISTORY WITH HIM BEFORE THAT, I 597 00:29:17,088 --> 00:29:18,006 UNDERSTAND. 598 00:29:18,089 --> 00:29:19,090 YOU ACTUALLY WORKED WITH HIM ON A CHARITY EVENT. 599 00:29:19,174 --> 00:29:23,636 >> WE DID A SKETCH, IT WAS A REALLY BIG COMEDY NIGHT IN 600 00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,514 BRITAIN, HAPPENS EVERY TWO YEARS FOR COMIC RELIEF. 601 00:29:26,598 --> 00:29:28,850 IN FACT, THE SKETCH THAT PAUL WAS IN WAS ACTUALLY THE KIND OF 602 00:29:28,933 --> 00:29:33,855 SKETCH THAT WE USED AS THE KIND OF JUMPING OFF POINT FOR CAR 603 00:29:33,938 --> 00:29:38,193 POOL KARAOKE, IN A WAY. 604 00:29:38,276 --> 00:29:40,987 IT STARTED A CHARACTER I HAD WRITTEN IN A SITCOM WAS SINGING 605 00:29:41,070 --> 00:29:42,739 IN A CAR WITH GEORGE MICHAEL. 606 00:29:42,822 --> 00:29:46,743 THE WAY TO GET THE SKETCHES IS THERE'S PRIME MINISTER IN THE 607 00:29:46,826 --> 00:29:50,872 SKETCH AND KAREN NIGHTLY AND ALL THOSE PEOPLE BUT THE WAY TO GET 608 00:29:50,955 --> 00:29:54,834 THE SKETCHES TOGETHER IS YOU GO AND GET THE MOST FAMOUS PERSON 609 00:29:54,918 --> 00:29:57,712 AND THEN EVERYBODY ELSE WILL FALL IN LINE. 610 00:29:57,795 --> 00:30:03,760 SO IN BRITAIN THAT'S PAUL McCARTNEY, THEN THE EX-PRIME 611 00:30:03,843 --> 00:30:05,678 MINISTER AND THEN EVERYBODY AFTER THAT. 612 00:30:05,762 --> 00:30:08,932 I NEVER MET PAUL BUT WE ARRANGED A TIME TO SPEAK ON THE PHONE, 613 00:30:09,015 --> 00:30:14,521 AND I HAD MY WHOLE PITCH READY BECAUSE, LOOK, HE'S PAUL 614 00:30:14,604 --> 00:30:15,730 McCARTNEY. 615 00:30:15,813 --> 00:30:20,068 HE DOES DON'T THESE THINGS KIND OF RANDOMLY, THEY'RE ALL VERY 616 00:30:20,151 --> 00:30:21,277 PRECISE AND THOUGHT ABOUT. 617 00:30:21,361 --> 00:30:27,575 I EXPLAINED THE SKETCH THAT HE WAS THE BIG REVEAL AT THE END OF 618 00:30:27,659 --> 00:30:28,743 THE SKETCH. 619 00:30:28,826 --> 00:30:31,871 I SAID THIS CHARITY IS RAISING MONEY ON THIS FRIDAY NIGHT TO 620 00:30:31,955 --> 00:30:38,253 GET A -- TO PAY FOR A VACCINE FOR CHILDREN TO PREVENT THEM 621 00:30:38,336 --> 00:30:43,716 GETTING MALARIA, AND THAT VACCINE COSTS $4, AND AFTER THIS 622 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,553 SKETCH GOES OUT, PEOPLE CAN DOWNLOAD AND BUY THIS SKETCH FOR 623 00:30:46,636 --> 00:30:47,929 THE EQUIVALENT OF $4. 624 00:30:48,012 --> 00:30:51,808 AND, SO, WHETHER YOU WANT TO ADMIT IT OR DON'T WANT TO ADMIT 625 00:30:51,891 --> 00:30:55,603 IT, THAT IT'S A FACT THAT, IF YOU DO THIS SKETCH, SOME 626 00:30:55,687 --> 00:30:59,482 CHILDREN WON'T DIE, BUT IT'S UP TO YOU. 627 00:30:59,566 --> 00:31:05,947 AND HE WENT, BLOODY, OH, JAMES, I'VE HEARD SOME PITCHES IN MY 628 00:31:06,030 --> 00:31:07,240 TIME. 629 00:31:07,323 --> 00:31:10,827 I SAID, THAT'S NOTHING, MY WIFE WAS PREGNANT AT THE TIME AND MY 630 00:31:10,910 --> 00:31:14,747 NEXT THING WAS TO SAY IF YOU SAID NO TO THAT, I WAS GOING TO 631 00:31:14,831 --> 00:31:16,958 SAY I WOULD NAME MY UNBORN SON AFTER YOU. 632 00:31:17,041 --> 00:31:21,170 HE SAID, DONE, I WILL DO THE SKETCH IF YOU DO THAT. 633 00:31:21,254 --> 00:31:22,380 WE DID THE SKETCH. 634 00:31:22,463 --> 00:31:30,763 A FEW MONTHS LATER, AND MY SON WAS BORN AND WE NAMED HIM MAX 635 00:31:30,847 --> 00:31:35,184 McCARTNEY CORDON. 636 00:31:35,268 --> 00:31:36,144 CORDEN. 637 00:31:36,227 --> 00:31:39,814 I SENT PAUL A PICTURE AND HE SAID I WAS JOKING. 638 00:31:39,897 --> 00:31:42,775 THREE DAYS LATER, AND THIS IS A MEASURE OFO WHAT KIND OF MAN HE 639 00:31:42,859 --> 00:31:47,113 IS, THIS BEAUTIFUL SORT OF CASHMERE BLANKET ARRIVED AND 640 00:31:47,196 --> 00:31:52,201 EMBROIDERED IN THE CORNER IT SAYS "TO MAX, FROM ONE 641 00:31:52,285 --> 00:31:53,870 McCARTNEY TO ANOTHER, LOVE YOUR UNCLE PAUL." 642 00:31:53,953 --> 00:31:58,291 AND I WAS, LIKE, OH, MY GOD. 643 00:31:58,374 --> 00:32:01,878 IT'S ASTONISHING, HE ALWAYS KNOWS HOW TO MAKE YOU FEEL 644 00:32:01,961 --> 00:32:03,171 GREAT. 645 00:32:03,254 --> 00:32:04,172 HE DOES. 646 00:32:04,255 --> 00:32:05,673 >> Stephen: JAMES, WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 647 00:32:05,757 --> 00:32:06,215 YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES. 648 00:32:06,299 --> 00:32:07,300 STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. 649 00:32:07,383 --> 00:32:12,013 WHEN WE COME BACK, I'LL ASK JAMES ABOUT THE RUMORED 650 00:32:12,096 --> 00:32:12,889 LEGENDARY CAT'S BUTT HOLE CUT. 651 00:32:12,972 --> 00:32:15,475 YOU THINK I'M KIDDING BUT I'M GOING TO. 652 00:32:28,905 --> 00:32:30,198 ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 653 00:32:30,281 --> 00:32:32,533 WE'RE BACK WITH AMERICA'S SWEETHEART JAMES CORDEN. 654 00:32:32,617 --> 00:32:35,411 TELL ME WHAT THE STORY OF "THE PROM" IS. 655 00:32:35,495 --> 00:32:37,413 THIS IS A BROADWAY MUSICAL TWO YEARS AGO. 656 00:32:37,497 --> 00:32:39,165 WHO TO YOU PLAY IN IT AND WHAT HAPPENS? 657 00:32:39,248 --> 00:32:43,086 >> YEAH, THE FILM IS BASED ON A BROADWAY MUSICAL THAT, AS YOU 658 00:32:43,169 --> 00:32:47,006 SAY, RAN A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, AND THE STORY IS BASICALLY 659 00:32:47,090 --> 00:32:51,886 MYSELF AND MERYL STREEP, OUR CHARACTERS HAVE JUST OPENED IN 660 00:32:51,969 --> 00:32:54,514 ELEANOR ROOS VEAL, THE MUSICAL. 661 00:32:54,597 --> 00:32:57,684 ( LAUGHTER ) AND IT OPENED AND CLOSED ON 662 00:32:57,767 --> 00:32:58,142 NIGHT ONE. 663 00:32:58,226 --> 00:33:00,186 >> Stephen: SURE. 664 00:33:00,269 --> 00:33:04,232 AND THEN THEY BUMP INTO NICOLE KIDMAN WHO IS A SORT OF 665 00:33:04,315 --> 00:33:08,111 DOWN ON HER LUCK CHORUS GIRL AND ANDREW IS AN OUT OF WORKING 666 00:33:08,194 --> 00:33:11,572 WORKING THE BAR AT SARDIS. 667 00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:14,951 THEY HAVE BEEN TOLD THEIR CAREERS ARE OVER. 668 00:33:15,034 --> 00:33:18,413 THEY'RE TOLD THE SHOW DIDN'T WORK, AND IT DIDN'T BECAUSE 669 00:33:18,496 --> 00:33:22,875 THEY'RE NARCISSISTS AND EGO MANIACS. 670 00:33:22,959 --> 00:33:27,797 THEY THINK THE ONLY WAY TO RESCUE THEIR CAREERS IS TO 671 00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:29,048 BECOME ACTIVISTS. 672 00:33:29,132 --> 00:33:33,094 THEY SAY IF WE CAN FIND A STORY TO PIGGY BACK ON TO WE'LL LOOK 673 00:33:33,177 --> 00:33:34,345 GREAT AND PEOPLE WILL LIKE IS AGAIN. 674 00:33:34,429 --> 00:33:39,100 SO WE HEAR A STORY ABOUT A GIRL IN INDIANA WHO IS TOLD SHE IS 675 00:33:39,183 --> 00:33:43,980 NOT ALLOWED TO ATTEND HER PROM BECAUSE SHE'S GAY AND THEY 676 00:33:44,063 --> 00:33:47,108 DECIDE WE'RE GOING TO GO DOWN THERE AND RAISE HOLY HELL AND 677 00:33:47,191 --> 00:33:49,110 THIS WILL MAKE PEOPLE THINK WE'RE GOOD PEOPLE. 678 00:33:49,193 --> 00:33:53,823 AND FROM THAT POINT, IT REALLY BECOMES A VERY MOVING AND 679 00:33:53,906 --> 00:33:59,328 UPLIFTING STORY ABOUT ACCEPTANCE, REALLY, ACCEPTANCE 680 00:33:59,412 --> 00:34:02,248 AND WHO YOU LOVE JUST SHOULDN'T MATTER, YOU KNOW, AND THAT'S 681 00:34:02,331 --> 00:34:03,541 REALLY WHAT THE FILM IS ABOUT. 682 00:34:03,624 --> 00:34:05,168 I'M VERY, VERY PROUD OF IT. 683 00:34:05,251 --> 00:34:09,630 I REALLY AM. 684 00:34:09,714 --> 00:34:14,677 >> Stephen: THIS IS CERTAINLY NOT THE FIRST MUSICAL YOU'VE 685 00:34:14,761 --> 00:34:17,805 DONE WITH MERYL. 686 00:34:17,889 --> 00:34:20,850 "INTO THE WOODS" AND ONE "CATS RECENTLY. 687 00:34:20,933 --> 00:34:26,689 IN CATS, THERE A BUTTHOLE CUT OF CATS, A VERSION WHERE SOMEONE IS 688 00:34:26,773 --> 00:34:30,026 GIVING YOU A DIGITAL BUTTHOLE, JAMES? 689 00:34:30,109 --> 00:34:31,527 >> I DON'T KNOW, I HAVEN'T SEEN IT. 690 00:34:31,611 --> 00:34:32,987 SO I'VE NOT WATCHED THE FILM. 691 00:34:33,070 --> 00:34:36,324 >> Stephen: WHICH WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE? 692 00:34:36,407 --> 00:34:40,953 WOULD YOU RATHER BE ANATOMICALLY CORRECT SO YOU HAVE A BUTTHOLE 693 00:34:41,037 --> 00:34:42,830 OR DON'T HAVE A BUTTHOLE? 694 00:34:42,914 --> 00:34:46,167 >> I THINK EITHER WAY, IT PROBABLY CAN'T SAVE THAT MOVIE. 695 00:34:46,250 --> 00:34:46,542 >> Stephen: I DISAGREE. 696 00:34:46,626 --> 00:34:48,294 I DISAGREE. 697 00:34:48,377 --> 00:34:53,299 I WOULD RENT THE BUTTHOLE CUT. 698 00:34:53,382 --> 00:34:56,427 JUST TO COUNT THEM, YOU KNOW. 699 00:34:56,511 --> 00:34:56,928 >> YEAH. 700 00:34:57,011 --> 00:34:58,346 I'LL PUT A CALL IN. 701 00:34:58,429 --> 00:35:00,139 BUT I THINK -- >> Stephen: PLEASE DO. 702 00:35:00,223 --> 00:35:02,517 ASK McCARTNEY IF HE CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. 703 00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:05,353 >> HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT FOR SURE. 704 00:35:05,436 --> 00:35:07,313 HE'LL GET WILLIE NELSON TO TEXT SOMEONE ABOUT IT. 705 00:35:07,396 --> 00:35:10,525 >> Stephen: SURE. 706 00:35:10,608 --> 00:35:14,237 ( LAUGHTER ) THANK YOU, JAMES. 707 00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:14,862 HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS. 708 00:35:14,946 --> 00:35:15,530 >> AND YOU, SIR. 709 00:35:15,613 --> 00:35:16,823 LOVE TO EVERYBODY OVER THERE. 710 00:35:16,906 --> 00:35:20,326 I MISS COMING TO YOUR STUDIO AND BEING IN THAT MAGNIFICENT ROOM, 711 00:35:20,409 --> 00:35:24,205 BUT IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO SEE YOU. 712 00:35:24,288 --> 00:35:25,414 >> STEPHEN: YOU CAN SEE "THE PROM" IN SELECT THEATERS NOW AND 713 00:35:25,498 --> 00:35:25,998 ON NETFLIX TOMORROW. 714 00:35:26,082 --> 00:35:27,083 JAMES CORDEN, EVERYBODY! 715 00:35:27,166 --> 00:35:27,333 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY FLEET FOXES. 716 00:35:54,152 --> 00:35:55,945 >> Stephen: AND NOW PERFORMING "CAN I BELIEVE YOU" 717 00:35:56,028 --> 00:36:00,199 FROM THEIR ALBUM, "SHORE," WITH THE RESISTANCE REVIVAL CHORUS, 718 00:36:00,283 --> 00:36:01,826 FLEET FOXES! 719 00:36:09,667 --> 00:36:19,594 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 720 00:36:19,677 --> 00:36:29,604 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 721 00:36:29,687 --> 00:36:41,616 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 722 00:36:41,699 --> 00:36:45,745 ♪ CAN I BELIEVE YOU? 723 00:36:45,828 --> 00:36:49,665 CAN I BELIEVE YOU? 724 00:36:49,749 --> 00:36:57,673 ♪ CAN I EVER KNOW YOUR MIND? 725 00:36:57,757 --> 00:37:01,677 ♪ AM I HANDING YOU MINE? 726 00:37:01,761 --> 00:37:05,806 DO WE BOTH CONFIDE? 727 00:37:05,890 --> 00:37:11,771 ♪ I SEE IT EAT THROUGH EVERY WORD I SOW 728 00:37:11,854 --> 00:37:17,777 ♪ SEE WHAT YOU NEED TO DO YOU DOUBT IT'S YOURS? 729 00:37:17,860 --> 00:37:25,660 ♪ NOW I'M LEARNING THE ROPES NEVER GET THIS CLOSE 730 00:37:25,743 --> 00:37:35,836 ♪ I'VE BEEN WOUNDED BEFORE HASN'T LET ME GO 731 00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:40,341 ♪ IT NEVER GOT LESS STRANGE SHOWING ANYONE 732 00:37:40,424 --> 00:37:44,929 ♪ JUST A BARE FACE IF I DON'T, WELL 733 00:37:45,012 --> 00:37:51,310 ♪ NOTHING WILL CHANGE STAYING UNDER MY WEATHER ALL DAY 734 00:37:51,394 --> 00:37:57,733 ♪ CAN I BELIEVE YOU WHEN YOU SAY I'M GOOD? 735 00:37:57,817 --> 00:38:05,700 ♪ I DIDN'T NEED TO WHEN I WISHED YOU WOULD 736 00:38:05,783 --> 00:38:09,912 ♪ NO, IT ISN'T ENOUGH NEVER HELD THAT MUCH 737 00:38:09,996 --> 00:38:21,716 ♪ NOW ANOTHER WAY UP BEEN A ROW TOO ROUGH 738 00:38:21,799 --> 00:38:24,051 ♪ IT NEVER GOT LESS STRANGE SHOWING ANYONE 739 00:38:24,135 --> 00:38:29,724 ♪ JUST A BARE FACE IF I DON'T, WELL 740 00:38:29,807 --> 00:38:35,896 ♪ NOTHING WILL CHANGE STAYING UNDER MY WEATHER ALL DAY 741 00:38:35,980 --> 00:38:47,908 ♪ LATELY, I'M WONDERING TOO WHAT TYPE OF DESIRE I CAN BREAK 742 00:38:47,992 --> 00:38:53,789 ♪ WHEN I'M ONE WAY WITH THEM ONE WITH YOU 743 00:38:53,873 --> 00:39:05,760 ♪ WHAT HALF IS IT OF ME REARRANGED? 744 00:39:05,843 --> 00:39:15,811 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 745 00:39:15,895 --> 00:39:21,817 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 746 00:39:21,901 --> 00:39:23,944 ♪ CAN I BELIEVE YOU? 747 00:39:24,028 --> 00:39:33,913 CAN I BELIEVE YOU? 748 00:39:33,996 --> 00:39:45,966 ♪ I WANT TO NEED YOU I WANT TO NEED YOU 749 00:39:46,050 --> 00:39:53,849 ♪ CAN I BELIEVE YOU? 750 00:39:53,933 --> 00:39:59,980 CAN I BELIEVE YOU? ♪ >> Stephen: FLEET FOXES, 751 00:40:00,064 --> 00:40:00,481 EVERYBODY! 752 00:40:00,564 --> 00:40:01,232 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 753 00:40:03,609 --> 00:40:05,653 >> Stephen: WELL, THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY. 754 00:40:05,736 --> 00:40:09,990 TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR A SPECIAL EPISODE DEDICATED TO NEW ZEALAND 755 00:40:10,074 --> 00:40:11,826 AND THEIR RESPONSE TO THE PANDEMIC, WITH ALL NEW MATERIAL 756 00:40:11,909 --> 00:40:17,289 AND BEHIND-THE-SCENES STORIES FROM MY VISIT THERE LAST YEAR. 757 00:40:17,373 --> 00:40:18,833 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 758 00:40:18,916 --> 00:40:19,875 GOOD NIGHT. 759 00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:21,418 Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by 760 00:40:22,545 --> 00:40:22,586 Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org