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<font color="#ffff00"> Captioning sponsored by CBS</font>

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>> ACCORDING TO THE "NEW YORK
POST," A JOGGER IN MELBOURNE WAS
ATTACKED BY A KANGAROO ON

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POST," A JOGGER IN MELBOURNE WAS
ATTACKED BY A KANGAROO ON
SATURDAY, AND SARAH JESSICA

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ATTACKED BY A KANGAROO ON
SATURDAY, AND SARAH JESSICA
PARKER MIGHT BE TO BLAME.

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SATURDAY, AND SARAH JESSICA
PARKER MIGHT BE TO BLAME.
>> I THINK I WAS IN A STATE OF

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PARKER MIGHT BE TO BLAME.
>> I THINK I WAS IN A STATE OF
SHOCK, BECAUSE IT KNOCKED ME TO

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>> I THINK I WAS IN A STATE OF
SHOCK, BECAUSE IT KNOCKED ME TO
THE GROUND, AND I THOUGHT, DID

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SHOCK, BECAUSE IT KNOCKED ME TO
THE GROUND, AND I THOUGHT, DID
THAT ACTUALLY JUST HAPPEN?

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THE GROUND, AND I THOUGHT, DID
THAT ACTUALLY JUST HAPPEN?
SO THEN I SORT OF TURNED MY

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THAT ACTUALLY JUST HAPPEN?
SO THEN I SORT OF TURNED MY
HEAD, AND IT WAS JUST STANDING

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SO THEN I SORT OF TURNED MY
HEAD, AND IT WAS JUST STANDING
THERE STARING AT ME.

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HEAD, AND IT WAS JUST STANDING
THERE STARING AT ME.
>> PARK RANGERS BELIEVE THE

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THERE STARING AT ME.
>> PARK RANGERS BELIEVE THE
KANGAROO WAS ATTRACTED TO THE

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>> PARK RANGERS BELIEVE THE
KANGAROO WAS ATTRACTED TO THE
FRAGRANCE SHE WAS WEARING.

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KANGAROO WAS ATTRACTED TO THE
FRAGRANCE SHE WAS WEARING.
>> SARAH JESSICA PARKER PERFUME.

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FRAGRANCE SHE WAS WEARING.
>> SARAH JESSICA PARKER PERFUME.
>> MARSUPIAL.

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>> SARAH JESSICA PARKER PERFUME.
>> MARSUPIAL.
MARSUPERIOR.

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>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW
WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT:

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WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT:
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES

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TONIGHT:
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES
COMMON

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PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES
COMMON
AND MUSICAL GUEST ANDREA BOCELLI

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COMMON
AND MUSICAL GUEST ANDREA BOCELLI
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY

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AND MUSICAL GUEST ANDREA BOCELLI
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
HOMIN'.

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AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM
THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE
BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S

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THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE
BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S
STEPHEN COLBERT!

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BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S
STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

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STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME TO A RARE

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>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME TO A RARE
FRIDAY "LATE SHOW."

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WELCOME TO A RARE
FRIDAY "LATE SHOW."
THIS IS A COLLECTOR'S ITEM.

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FRIDAY "LATE SHOW."
THIS IS A COLLECTOR'S ITEM.
TAKE THIS SHOW, PUT IT IN ONE OF

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THIS IS A COLLECTOR'S ITEM.
TAKE THIS SHOW, PUT IT IN ONE OF
THOSE PLASTIC SLEEVES AND PUT IT

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TAKE THIS SHOW, PUT IT IN ONE OF
THOSE PLASTIC SLEEVES AND PUT IT
AWAY.

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THOSE PLASTIC SLEEVES AND PUT IT
AWAY.
DON'T LET YOUR KIDS PLAY WITH

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AWAY.
DON'T LET YOUR KIDS PLAY WITH
IT.

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DON'T LET YOUR KIDS PLAY WITH
IT.
I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.

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IT.
I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
T.G.I.F., BY WHICH I MEAN, THANK

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I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
T.G.I.F., BY WHICH I MEAN, THANK
GOD INOCULATIONS FINALLY.

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T.G.I.F., BY WHICH I MEAN, THANK
GOD INOCULATIONS FINALLY.
ALSO, THANK GOD FOR A NEW

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GOD INOCULATIONS FINALLY.
ALSO, THANK GOD FOR A NEW
PRESIDENT, FINALLY, FINALLY,

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ALSO, THANK GOD FOR A NEW
PRESIDENT, FINALLY, FINALLY,
WHETHER OR NOT THE CURRENT ONE

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PRESIDENT, FINALLY, FINALLY,
WHETHER OR NOT THE CURRENT ONE
CLINGING BY HIS FINGERNAILS TO

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WHETHER OR NOT THE CURRENT ONE
CLINGING BY HIS FINGERNAILS TO
THE WHITE HOUSE DOORFRAME IS

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CLINGING BY HIS FINGERNAILS TO
THE WHITE HOUSE DOORFRAME IS
READY TO SACK UP AND ACCEPT

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THE WHITE HOUSE DOORFRAME IS
READY TO SACK UP AND ACCEPT
REALITY.

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READY TO SACK UP AND ACCEPT
REALITY.
YESTERDAY, PRESIDENT-ELECT BIDEN

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REALITY.
YESTERDAY, PRESIDENT-ELECT BIDEN
AND VICE PRESIDENT-ELECT HARRIS

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YESTERDAY, PRESIDENT-ELECT BIDEN
AND VICE PRESIDENT-ELECT HARRIS
HAD THEIR FIRST OFFICIAL

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AND VICE PRESIDENT-ELECT HARRIS
HAD THEIR FIRST OFFICIAL
POST-ELECTION INTERVIEW WITH

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HAD THEIR FIRST OFFICIAL
POST-ELECTION INTERVIEW WITH
JAKE THE TAPPER.

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POST-ELECTION INTERVIEW WITH
JAKE THE TAPPER.
BIDEN SAID A LOT OF THINGS, NONE

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JAKE THE TAPPER.
BIDEN SAID A LOT OF THINGS, NONE
OF WHICH WILL HAVE TO BE

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BIDEN SAID A LOT OF THINGS, NONE
OF WHICH WILL HAVE TO BE
DEFENDED IN COURT BY HIS DRIPPY,

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OF WHICH WILL HAVE TO BE
DEFENDED IN COURT BY HIS DRIPPY,
FARTING LAWYER.

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DEFENDED IN COURT BY HIS DRIPPY,
FARTING LAWYER.
THE TIMES, THEY ARE A-CHANGIN'.

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FARTING LAWYER.
THE TIMES, THEY ARE A-CHANGIN'.
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>

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THE TIMES, THEY ARE A-CHANGIN'.
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
I'M SO HAPPY.

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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
I'M SO HAPPY.
I'M SO DAMN HAPPY.

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I'M SO HAPPY.
I'M SO DAMN HAPPY.
AD FROM SHOW!

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I'M SO DAMN HAPPY.
AD FROM SHOW!
A FRIDAY SHOW!

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AD FROM SHOW!
A FRIDAY SHOW!
ONE OF THE BIGGEST TOPICS JAKE

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A FRIDAY SHOW!
ONE OF THE BIGGEST TOPICS JAKE
COVERED WAS AN UPDATE ON THE

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ONE OF THE BIGGEST TOPICS JAKE
COVERED WAS AN UPDATE ON THE
PRESIDENT-ELECT'S RECENT

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COVERED WAS AN UPDATE ON THE
PRESIDENT-ELECT'S RECENT
BOO-BOO.

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PRESIDENT-ELECT'S RECENT
BOO-BOO.
SEE, LAST WEEK, WE LEARNED THAT

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BOO-BOO.
SEE, LAST WEEK, WE LEARNED THAT
BIDEN HAD FRACTURED HIS FOOT

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SEE, LAST WEEK, WE LEARNED THAT
BIDEN HAD FRACTURED HIS FOOT
WHILE PLAYING WITH ONE OF HIS

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BIDEN HAD FRACTURED HIS FOOT
WHILE PLAYING WITH ONE OF HIS
DOGS.

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WHILE PLAYING WITH ONE OF HIS
DOGS.
WE ALL WONDERED HOW THAT WAS

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DOGS.
WE ALL WONDERED HOW THAT WAS
EVEN POSSIBLE.

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WE ALL WONDERED HOW THAT WAS
EVEN POSSIBLE.
DID THE TWO OF THEM GO BASE

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EVEN POSSIBLE.
DID THE TWO OF THEM GO BASE
JUMPING?

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DID THE TWO OF THEM GO BASE
JUMPING?
WE KNOW HE LOVES IT.

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JUMPING?
WE KNOW HE LOVES IT.
WELL, BIDEN CLEARED THAT UP.

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WE KNOW HE LOVES IT.
WELL, BIDEN CLEARED THAT UP.
>> HOW IS YOUR FOOT, AND WHAT

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WELL, BIDEN CLEARED THAT UP.
>> HOW IS YOUR FOOT, AND WHAT
HAPPENED?

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>> HOW IS YOUR FOOT, AND WHAT
HAPPENED?
>> WHAT HAPPENED WAS I GOT OUT

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HAPPENED?
>> WHAT HAPPENED WAS I GOT OUT
THE SHOWER-- I'VE GOT A DOG.

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>> WHAT HAPPENED WAS I GOT OUT
THE SHOWER-- I'VE GOT A DOG.
AND ANYBODY THAT'S BEEN AROUND

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THE SHOWER-- I'VE GOT A DOG.
AND ANYBODY THAT'S BEEN AROUND
MY HOUSE KNOWS, THE LITTLE PUP

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AND ANYBODY THAT'S BEEN AROUND
MY HOUSE KNOWS, THE LITTLE PUP
DROPPED THE BALL IN FRONT OF ME

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MY HOUSE KNOWS, THE LITTLE PUP
DROPPED THE BALL IN FRONT OF ME
AND FOR ME TO GRAB THE BALL.

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DROPPED THE BALL IN FRONT OF ME
AND FOR ME TO GRAB THE BALL.
AND I'M WALKING THROUGH THIS

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AND FOR ME TO GRAB THE BALL.
AND I'M WALKING THROUGH THIS
LITTLE ALLEYWAY TO GET TO THE

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AND I'M WALKING THROUGH THIS
LITTLE ALLEYWAY TO GET TO THE
BEDROOM, AND I GRABBED THE BALL

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LITTLE ALLEYWAY TO GET TO THE
BEDROOM, AND I GRABBED THE BALL
LIKE THIS, AND HE RAN, AND I WAS

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BEDROOM, AND I GRABBED THE BALL
LIKE THIS, AND HE RAN, AND I WAS
JOKING, RUNNING AFTER HIM TO

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LIKE THIS, AND HE RAN, AND I WAS
JOKING, RUNNING AFTER HIM TO
GRAB HIS TAIL.

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JOKING, RUNNING AFTER HIM TO
GRAB HIS TAIL.
AND WHAT HAPPENED WAS HE SLID

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GRAB HIS TAIL.
AND WHAT HAPPENED WAS HE SLID
ON A THROW RUG, AND I TRIPPED ON

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AND WHAT HAPPENED WAS HE SLID
ON A THROW RUG, AND I TRIPPED ON
THE RUG HE SLID ON.

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ON A THROW RUG, AND I TRIPPED ON
THE RUG HE SLID ON.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.

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THE RUG HE SLID ON.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.
>> Stephen: THIS STORY HAS

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THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.
>> Stephen: THIS STORY HAS
EVERYTHING-- INTRIGUE, SUSPENSE,

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>> Stephen: THIS STORY HAS
EVERYTHING-- INTRIGUE, SUSPENSE,
AN OLD MAN WASHING HIMSELF.

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EVERYTHING-- INTRIGUE, SUSPENSE,
AN OLD MAN WASHING HIMSELF.
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>

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AN OLD MAN WASHING HIMSELF.
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
THERE'S A LOT TO UNPACK IN THE

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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
THERE'S A LOT TO UNPACK IN THE
STORY.

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THERE'S A LOT TO UNPACK IN THE
STORY.
THAT IS WHY I'M INTRODUCING A

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STORY.
THAT IS WHY I'M INTRODUCING A
NEW SEGMENT: "THE LATE SHOW'S

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THAT IS WHY I'M INTRODUCING A
NEW SEGMENT: "THE LATE SHOW'S
JOE BIDEN BROKEN FOOT

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NEW SEGMENT: "THE LATE SHOW'S
JOE BIDEN BROKEN FOOT
BREAKDOWN."

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JOE BIDEN BROKEN FOOT
BREAKDOWN."
LET'S START AT THE BEGINNING.

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BREAKDOWN."
LET'S START AT THE BEGINNING.
JOE?

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LET'S START AT THE BEGINNING.
JOE?
>> WHAT HAPPENED WAS I GOT OUT

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JOE?
>> WHAT HAPPENED WAS I GOT OUT
THE SHOWER--

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>> WHAT HAPPENED WAS I GOT OUT
THE SHOWER--
>> Stephen: OKAY, STOP RIGHT

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THE SHOWER--
>> Stephen: OKAY, STOP RIGHT
THERE.

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>> Stephen: OKAY, STOP RIGHT
THERE.
INTERESTING DETAIL, PAINT A

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THERE.
INTERESTING DETAIL, PAINT A
PICTURE.

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INTERESTING DETAIL, PAINT A
PICTURE.
NOT NECESSARILY RELEVANT TO THE

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PICTURE.
NOT NECESSARILY RELEVANT TO THE
REST OF THE STORY.

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NOT NECESSARILY RELEVANT TO THE
REST OF THE STORY.
YOU NEVER SAW THIS IN DICKENS.

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REST OF THE STORY.
YOU NEVER SAW THIS IN DICKENS.
"IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES, IT

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YOU NEVER SAW THIS IN DICKENS.
"IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES, IT
WAS THE WORST OF TIMES, BUT

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"IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES, IT
WAS THE WORST OF TIMES, BUT
FIRST, LET ME BE CLEAR: I AM

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WAS THE WORST OF TIMES, BUT
FIRST, LET ME BE CLEAR: I AM
BUTT-ASS NAKED.

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FIRST, LET ME BE CLEAR: I AM
BUTT-ASS NAKED.
YOU CAN SEE EVERYTHING, EVEN

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BUTT-ASS NAKED.
YOU CAN SEE EVERYTHING, EVEN
LITTLE DORRIT."

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YOU CAN SEE EVERYTHING, EVEN
LITTLE DORRIT."
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>

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LITTLE DORRIT."
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
SO, BIDEN'S NUDE, WET, AND

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<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
SO, BIDEN'S NUDE, WET, AND
VULNERABLE.

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SO, BIDEN'S NUDE, WET, AND
VULNERABLE.
PLEASE CONTINUE.

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VULNERABLE.
PLEASE CONTINUE.
>> I'VE GOT A DOG.

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PLEASE CONTINUE.
>> I'VE GOT A DOG.
AND ANYBODY THAT'S BEEN AROUND

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>> I'VE GOT A DOG.
AND ANYBODY THAT'S BEEN AROUND
MY HOUSE KNOWS, THE LITTLE PUP

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AND ANYBODY THAT'S BEEN AROUND
MY HOUSE KNOWS, THE LITTLE PUP
DROPPED THE BALL IN FRONT OF ME

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MY HOUSE KNOWS, THE LITTLE PUP
DROPPED THE BALL IN FRONT OF ME
AND FOR ME TO GRAB THE BALL.

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DROPPED THE BALL IN FRONT OF ME
AND FOR ME TO GRAB THE BALL.
>> Stephen: OKAY, LET'S PAUSE

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00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,396
AND FOR ME TO GRAB THE BALL.
>> Stephen: OKAY, LET'S PAUSE
THERE AGAIN.

130
00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:25,897
>> Stephen: OKAY, LET'S PAUSE
THERE AGAIN.
SIR, WHY DOES ANYONE WHO'S EVER

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00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:26,498
THERE AGAIN.
SIR, WHY DOES ANYONE WHO'S EVER
BEEN TO YOUR HOUSE KNOW THAT

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SIR, WHY DOES ANYONE WHO'S EVER
BEEN TO YOUR HOUSE KNOW THAT
YOUR DOG WAITS FOR YOU AT THE

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00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:28,233
BEEN TO YOUR HOUSE KNOW THAT
YOUR DOG WAITS FOR YOU AT THE
SHOWER DOOR?

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YOUR DOG WAITS FOR YOU AT THE
SHOWER DOOR?
<i> ( AS BIDEN )</i>

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00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:32,037
SHOWER DOOR?
<i> ( AS BIDEN )</i>
"THANKS FOR COMIN' TO CHECK OUT

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00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:32,404
<i> ( AS BIDEN )</i>
"THANKS FOR COMIN' TO CHECK OUT
THE CABLE BOX.

137
00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:33,538
"THANKS FOR COMIN' TO CHECK OUT
THE CABLE BOX.
KEEPS FRITZIN' OUT.

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00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:34,139
THE CABLE BOX.
KEEPS FRITZIN' OUT.
ANYWAY, GOTTA GO UPSTAIRS, LET

139
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:35,107
KEEPS FRITZIN' OUT.
ANYWAY, GOTTA GO UPSTAIRS, LET
THE PUP GET A GANDER AT ME

140
00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:36,408
ANYWAY, GOTTA GO UPSTAIRS, LET
THE PUP GET A GANDER AT ME
SUDSIN' UP.

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00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:43,248
THE PUP GET A GANDER AT ME
SUDSIN' UP.
RUB-A-DUB DUB, JACK."

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SUDSIN' UP.
RUB-A-DUB DUB, JACK."
LOAFA!

143
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:44,049
RUB-A-DUB DUB, JACK."
LOAFA!
OKAY, SO THE DOG DROPPED THE

144
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:44,583
LOAFA!
OKAY, SO THE DOG DROPPED THE
BALL FOR JOE TO PLAY WITH.

145
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:47,719
OKAY, SO THE DOG DROPPED THE
BALL FOR JOE TO PLAY WITH.
GO ON.

146
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:48,353
BALL FOR JOE TO PLAY WITH.
GO ON.
>> AND I'M WALKING THROUGH THIS

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GO ON.
>> AND I'M WALKING THROUGH THIS
LITTLE ALLEYWAY TO GET TO THE

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00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:52,391
>> AND I'M WALKING THROUGH THIS
LITTLE ALLEYWAY TO GET TO THE
BEDROOM.

149
00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:53,725
LITTLE ALLEYWAY TO GET TO THE
BEDROOM.
>> Stephen: AGAIN-- YOU HEARD

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00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:56,061
BEDROOM.
>> Stephen: AGAIN-- YOU HEARD
THAT RIGHT.

151
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:56,962
>> Stephen: AGAIN-- YOU HEARD
THAT RIGHT.
JOE'S SO OLD-SCHOOL SCRANTON,

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00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:57,929
THAT RIGHT.
JOE'S SO OLD-SCHOOL SCRANTON,
HE'S GOT AN ALLEYWAY BETWEEN HIS

153
00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:59,331
JOE'S SO OLD-SCHOOL SCRANTON,
HE'S GOT AN ALLEYWAY BETWEEN HIS
BATHROOM AND HIS BEDROOM.

154
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:00,399
HE'S GOT AN ALLEYWAY BETWEEN HIS
BATHROOM AND HIS BEDROOM.
WHEN HE WANTS A GLASS OF WATER

155
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:01,033
BATHROOM AND HIS BEDROOM.
WHEN HE WANTS A GLASS OF WATER
AT 3:00 A.M., HE'S GOT TO KNIFE

156
00:05:01,035 --> 00:05:02,000
WHEN HE WANTS A GLASS OF WATER
AT 3:00 A.M., HE'S GOT TO KNIFE
FIGHT A STREET TOUGH ON HIS WAY

157
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,002
AT 3:00 A.M., HE'S GOT TO KNIFE
FIGHT A STREET TOUGH ON HIS WAY
TO THE SINK.

158
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:08,407
FIGHT A STREET TOUGH ON HIS WAY
TO THE SINK.
COME HERE!

159
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:11,677
TO THE SINK.
COME HERE!
BUT YOU GET THE IDEA, I GET THE

160
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,779
COME HERE!
BUT YOU GET THE IDEA, I GET THE
IDEA-- WE ALL GET THE IDEA.

161
00:05:13,781 --> 00:05:16,114
BUT YOU GET THE IDEA, I GET THE
IDEA-- WE ALL GET THE IDEA.
YOU'RE ON THE MOVE.

162
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:18,850
IDEA-- WE ALL GET THE IDEA.
YOU'RE ON THE MOVE.
WHAT HAPPENED THEN?

163
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:19,584
YOU'RE ON THE MOVE.
WHAT HAPPENED THEN?
>> AND I'M WALKING THROUGH THIS

164
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:20,185
WHAT HAPPENED THEN?
>> AND I'M WALKING THROUGH THIS
LITTLE ALLEYWAY TO GET TO THE

165
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:20,819
>> AND I'M WALKING THROUGH THIS
LITTLE ALLEYWAY TO GET TO THE
BEDROOM, AND I GRABBED THE BALL

166
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:21,653
LITTLE ALLEYWAY TO GET TO THE
BEDROOM, AND I GRABBED THE BALL
LIKE THIS, AND HE RAN, AND I WAS

167
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,555
BEDROOM, AND I GRABBED THE BALL
LIKE THIS, AND HE RAN, AND I WAS
JOKING, RUNNING AFTER HIM TO

168
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:24,423
LIKE THIS, AND HE RAN, AND I WAS
JOKING, RUNNING AFTER HIM TO
GRAB HIS TAIL.

169
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:27,793
JOKING, RUNNING AFTER HIM TO
GRAB HIS TAIL.
>> Stephen: OKAY, PAUSE AGAIN.

170
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:28,427
GRAB HIS TAIL.
>> Stephen: OKAY, PAUSE AGAIN.
YOU HAD THE BALL, AND YOU WERE

171
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:31,330
>> Stephen: OKAY, PAUSE AGAIN.
YOU HAD THE BALL, AND YOU WERE
CHASING THE DOG?

172
00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:31,930
YOU HAD THE BALL, AND YOU WERE
CHASING THE DOG?
THAT... THAT IS NOT HOW FETCH

173
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:32,364
CHASING THE DOG?
THAT... THAT IS NOT HOW FETCH
WORKS.

174
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:36,401
THAT... THAT IS NOT HOW FETCH
WORKS.
KEEP GOING.

175
00:05:36,403 --> 00:05:43,041
WORKS.
KEEP GOING.
>> AND WHAT HAPPENED WAS HE

176
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:43,675
KEEP GOING.
>> AND WHAT HAPPENED WAS HE
SLID ON A THROW RUG, AND I

177
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,276
>> AND WHAT HAPPENED WAS HE
SLID ON A THROW RUG, AND I
TRIPPED ON THE RUG HE SLID ON.

178
00:05:44,278 --> 00:05:45,444
SLID ON A THROW RUG, AND I
TRIPPED ON THE RUG HE SLID ON.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.

179
00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:46,011
TRIPPED ON THE RUG HE SLID ON.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.
>> Stephen: IT'S STARTING TO

180
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:46,645
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.
>> Stephen: IT'S STARTING TO
FEEL LIKE THE DOG WASN'T REALLY

181
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:47,112
>> Stephen: IT'S STARTING TO
FEEL LIKE THE DOG WASN'T REALLY
MUCH OF A FACTOR HERE.

182
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:47,813
FEEL LIKE THE DOG WASN'T REALLY
MUCH OF A FACTOR HERE.
IS THIS GOING TO BE A TREND

183
00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:48,413
MUCH OF A FACTOR HERE.
IS THIS GOING TO BE A TREND
THROUGHOUT HIS WHOLE

184
00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:49,648
IS THIS GOING TO BE A TREND
THROUGHOUT HIS WHOLE
PRESIDENCY?

185
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:50,015
THROUGHOUT HIS WHOLE
PRESIDENCY?
<i> ( AS BIDEN )</i>

186
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:50,582
PRESIDENCY?
<i> ( AS BIDEN )</i>
"SO, I'VE GOT BAD NEWS ABOUT

187
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:52,417
<i> ( AS BIDEN )</i>
"SO, I'VE GOT BAD NEWS ABOUT
THAT SINGLE-PAYER HEALTH PLAN.

188
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:53,418
"SO, I'VE GOT BAD NEWS ABOUT
THAT SINGLE-PAYER HEALTH PLAN.
WHAT?

189
00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:53,719
THAT SINGLE-PAYER HEALTH PLAN.
WHAT?
WHAT?

190
00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:54,853
WHAT?
WHAT?
SORRY, WHAT?

191
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,089
WHAT?
SORRY, WHAT?
THE OLD SOUND HOLES AREN'T

192
00:05:57,091 --> 00:05:58,957
SORRY, WHAT?
THE OLD SOUND HOLES AREN'T
WORKING LIKE THEY USED TO.

193
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:03,295
THE OLD SOUND HOLES AREN'T
WORKING LIKE THEY USED TO.
I HAVE TO TRY THAT AGAIN.

194
00:06:03,297 --> 00:06:04,463
WORKING LIKE THEY USED TO.
I HAVE TO TRY THAT AGAIN.
"SO, I'VE GOT BAD NEWS ABOUT

195
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,264
I HAVE TO TRY THAT AGAIN.
"SO, I'VE GOT BAD NEWS ABOUT
THAT SINGLE-PAYER HEALTH PLAN.

196
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:06,865
"SO, I'VE GOT BAD NEWS ABOUT
THAT SINGLE-PAYER HEALTH PLAN.
YA SEE, MY DOG STEPPED ON THE

197
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:07,499
THAT SINGLE-PAYER HEALTH PLAN.
YA SEE, MY DOG STEPPED ON THE
KEYBOARD, AND LONG STORY SHORT,

198
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:08,133
YA SEE, MY DOG STEPPED ON THE
KEYBOARD, AND LONG STORY SHORT,
BLUE CROSS OWNS ALL YOUR ORGANS.

199
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:08,400
KEYBOARD, AND LONG STORY SHORT,
BLUE CROSS OWNS ALL YOUR ORGANS.
BAD DOG!

200
00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:09,034
BLUE CROSS OWNS ALL YOUR ORGANS.
BAD DOG!
P.S. I WAS NAKED THE WHOLE TIME,

201
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:10,702
BAD DOG!
P.S. I WAS NAKED THE WHOLE TIME,
JACK!

202
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:11,002
P.S. I WAS NAKED THE WHOLE TIME,
JACK!
BUFFIN' IT!"

203
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:13,772
JACK!
BUFFIN' IT!"
I'M REALLY GOING TO ENJOY THIS.

204
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:16,375
BUFFIN' IT!"
I'M REALLY GOING TO ENJOY THIS.
I'M GOING TO ENJOY THIS.

205
00:06:16,377 --> 00:06:18,343
I'M REALLY GOING TO ENJOY THIS.
I'M GOING TO ENJOY THIS.
BUT MY FAVORITE PART OF THE

206
00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:19,578
I'M GOING TO ENJOY THIS.
BUT MY FAVORITE PART OF THE
STORY IS HOW MY FRIEND JAKE JUST

207
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:20,212
BUT MY FAVORITE PART OF THE
STORY IS HOW MY FRIEND JAKE JUST
TRANSITIONS SMOOTHLY OUT OF IT.

208
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:23,181
STORY IS HOW MY FRIEND JAKE JUST
TRANSITIONS SMOOTHLY OUT OF IT.
>> THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.

209
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,416
TRANSITIONS SMOOTHLY OUT OF IT.
>> THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.
>> OH, MAN.

210
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:26,051
>> THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.
>> OH, MAN.
>> NOT A VERY EXCITING STORY.

211
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,319
>> OH, MAN.
>> NOT A VERY EXCITING STORY.
>> NO, BUT LET'S TURN TO A MUCH

212
00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:28,353
>> NOT A VERY EXCITING STORY.
>> NO, BUT LET'S TURN TO A MUCH
MORE SERIOUS HEALTH MATTER,

213
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:31,323
>> NO, BUT LET'S TURN TO A MUCH
MORE SERIOUS HEALTH MATTER,
WHICH IS, OBVIOUSLY, THE

214
00:06:31,325 --> 00:06:32,057
MORE SERIOUS HEALTH MATTER,
WHICH IS, OBVIOUSLY, THE
WORSENING PANDEMIC.

215
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:38,029
WHICH IS, OBVIOUSLY, THE
WORSENING PANDEMIC.
>> Stephen: ( SCREECHING TIRES

216
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,731
WORSENING PANDEMIC.
>> Stephen: ( SCREECHING TIRES
I WONDER IF JAKE'S EVER BEEN A

217
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:40,365
>> Stephen: ( SCREECHING TIRES
I WONDER IF JAKE'S EVER BEEN A
BEST MAN.

218
00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:43,168
I WONDER IF JAKE'S EVER BEEN A
BEST MAN.
"ALLEN, RACHEL, SEEING THE TWO

219
00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:44,035
BEST MAN.
"ALLEN, RACHEL, SEEING THE TWO
OF YOU TOGETHER WARMS MY HEART.

220
00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:46,004
"ALLEN, RACHEL, SEEING THE TWO
OF YOU TOGETHER WARMS MY HEART.
AND SPEAKING OF WARMTH, LET'S

221
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:48,407
OF YOU TOGETHER WARMS MY HEART.
AND SPEAKING OF WARMTH, LET'S
TALK ABOUT THE DEVASTATING

222
00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:51,243
AND SPEAKING OF WARMTH, LET'S
TALK ABOUT THE DEVASTATING
CALIFORNIA WILDFIRES."

223
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,411
TALK ABOUT THE DEVASTATING
CALIFORNIA WILDFIRES."
BUT JAKE'S RIGHT, THINGS ARE NOT

224
00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:55,580
CALIFORNIA WILDFIRES."
BUT JAKE'S RIGHT, THINGS ARE NOT
GOING WELL IN AMERICA'S FIGHT

225
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:56,081
BUT JAKE'S RIGHT, THINGS ARE NOT
GOING WELL IN AMERICA'S FIGHT
AGAINST THE CORONAVIRUS.

226
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:56,648
GOING WELL IN AMERICA'S FIGHT
AGAINST THE CORONAVIRUS.
AND I WILL SPREAD THE LATEST

227
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:59,885
AGAINST THE CORONAVIRUS.
AND I WILL SPREAD THE LATEST
INFORMATION IN MY LINGERING

228
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:00,352
AND I WILL SPREAD THE LATEST
INFORMATION IN MY LINGERING
SEGMENT:

229
00:07:00,354 --> 00:07:02,020
INFORMATION IN MY LINGERING
SEGMENT:
"CATCH A THIRD WAVE: ENDLESS

230
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,389
SEGMENT:
"CATCH A THIRD WAVE: ENDLESS
BUMMER."

231
00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:08,059
"CATCH A THIRD WAVE: ENDLESS
BUMMER."
>> EVEN I DON'T WANNA CATCH ME!

232
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:12,397
BUMMER."
>> EVEN I DON'T WANNA CATCH ME!
HEY, I'M GETTING SOAKED!

233
00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:14,032
>> EVEN I DON'T WANNA CATCH ME!
HEY, I'M GETTING SOAKED!
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>

234
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,368
HEY, I'M GETTING SOAKED!
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
>> Stephen: YESTERDAY, AMERICA

235
00:07:16,370 --> 00:07:19,171
<i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
>> Stephen: YESTERDAY, AMERICA
SUFFERED ITS WORST DAY OF THE

236
00:07:19,173 --> 00:07:20,005
>> Stephen: YESTERDAY, AMERICA
SUFFERED ITS WORST DAY OF THE
PANDEMIC, BREAKING RECORDS THAT

237
00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:23,375
SUFFERED ITS WORST DAY OF THE
PANDEMIC, BREAKING RECORDS THAT
WERE ONLY SET THE DAY BEFORE.

238
00:07:23,377 --> 00:07:24,409
PANDEMIC, BREAKING RECORDS THAT
WERE ONLY SET THE DAY BEFORE.
AND WE JUST LEARNED THAT, AS OF

239
00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:26,044
WERE ONLY SET THE DAY BEFORE.
AND WE JUST LEARNED THAT, AS OF
THIS WEEK, CORONAVIRUS IS THE

240
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,813
AND WE JUST LEARNED THAT, AS OF
THIS WEEK, CORONAVIRUS IS THE
NUMBER ONE CAUSE OF DEATH IN THE

241
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:28,447
THIS WEEK, CORONAVIRUS IS THE
NUMBER ONE CAUSE OF DEATH IN THE
UNITED STATES, SURPASSING HEART

242
00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:32,050
NUMBER ONE CAUSE OF DEATH IN THE
UNITED STATES, SURPASSING HEART
DISEASE.

243
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:34,019
UNITED STATES, SURPASSING HEART
DISEASE.
AND MAY I REMIND YOU, THIS IS

244
00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:36,388
DISEASE.
AND MAY I REMIND YOU, THIS IS
THE COUNTRY THAT INVENTED

245
00:07:36,390 --> 00:07:38,056
AND MAY I REMIND YOU, THIS IS
THE COUNTRY THAT INVENTED
DEEP-FRIED OREOS.

246
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,291
THE COUNTRY THAT INVENTED
DEEP-FRIED OREOS.
AND OREOS.

247
00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:40,425
DEEP-FRIED OREOS.
AND OREOS.
BUT UNLIKE OUR CURRENT

248
00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:42,527
AND OREOS.
BUT UNLIKE OUR CURRENT
PRESIDENT, BIDEN HAS A PLAN TO

249
00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:44,029
BUT UNLIKE OUR CURRENT
PRESIDENT, BIDEN HAS A PLAN TO
GET COVID UNDER CONTROL, AND IT

250
00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:48,333
PRESIDENT, BIDEN HAS A PLAN TO
GET COVID UNDER CONTROL, AND IT
BEGINS WITH A SIMPLE STEP:

251
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:48,967
GET COVID UNDER CONTROL, AND IT
BEGINS WITH A SIMPLE STEP:
>> I THINK MY INCLINATION, JAKE,

252
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:56,041
BEGINS WITH A SIMPLE STEP:
>> I THINK MY INCLINATION, JAKE,
IS IN THE FIRST DAY I'M

253
00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:56,975
>> I THINK MY INCLINATION, JAKE,
IS IN THE FIRST DAY I'M
INAUGURATED, TO SAY I'M GOING TO

254
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,977
IS IN THE FIRST DAY I'M
INAUGURATED, TO SAY I'M GOING TO
ASK THE PUBLIC FOR 100 DAYS TO

255
00:07:58,979 --> 00:07:59,211
INAUGURATED, TO SAY I'M GOING TO
ASK THE PUBLIC FOR 100 DAYS TO
MASK.

256
00:07:59,213 --> 00:08:02,047
ASK THE PUBLIC FOR 100 DAYS TO
MASK.
IS THERE IT REALLY IS

257
00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:02,347
MASK.
IS THERE IT REALLY IS
REASONABLE.

258
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:08,053
IS THERE IT REALLY IS
REASONABLE.
MOST OF US ARE ALREADY DOING IT.

259
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:09,054
REASONABLE.
MOST OF US ARE ALREADY DOING IT.
NOT TOO CLOSELY.

260
00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:10,589
MOST OF US ARE ALREADY DOING IT.
NOT TOO CLOSELY.
REMEMBER TO STAY SIX FEET AWAY

261
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,390
NOT TOO CLOSELY.
REMEMBER TO STAY SIX FEET AWAY
FROM THE RECOMMENDATIONS,

262
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:12,891
REMEMBER TO STAY SIX FEET AWAY
FROM THE RECOMMENDATIONS,
PLEASE.

263
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:14,392
FROM THE RECOMMENDATIONS,
PLEASE.
BIDEN ANNOUNCED DR. FAUCI WILL

264
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:16,428
PLEASE.
BIDEN ANNOUNCED DR. FAUCI WILL
KEEP HIS JOB, BUT NOW HE'LL BE

265
00:08:16,430 --> 00:08:17,629
BIDEN ANNOUNCED DR. FAUCI WILL
KEEP HIS JOB, BUT NOW HE'LL BE
ALLOWED TO DO HIS JOB.

266
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:19,764
KEEP HIS JOB, BUT NOW HE'LL BE
ALLOWED TO DO HIS JOB.
FAUCI IS GOING TO BE EVEN BUSIER

267
00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:20,966
ALLOWED TO DO HIS JOB.
FAUCI IS GOING TO BE EVEN BUSIER
WHICH IS HARD TO IMAGINE

268
00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:23,168
FAUCI IS GOING TO BE EVEN BUSIER
WHICH IS HARD TO IMAGINE
CONSIDERING THE 79-YEAR-OLD

269
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,237
WHICH IS HARD TO IMAGINE
CONSIDERING THE 79-YEAR-OLD
IMMUNOLOGIST ALREADY HAS AN

270
00:08:25,239 --> 00:08:27,172
CONSIDERING THE 79-YEAR-OLD
IMMUNOLOGIST ALREADY HAS AN
AN-HOUR WORK DAY WITH ONE

271
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:31,109
IMMUNOLOGIST ALREADY HAS AN
AN-HOUR WORK DAY WITH ONE
10-MINUTE BATHROOM BREAK.

272
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,010
AN-HOUR WORK DAY WITH ONE
10-MINUTE BATHROOM BREAK.
GOOD LORD!

273
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,112
10-MINUTE BATHROOM BREAK.
GOOD LORD!
FAUCI IS SETTING AN EXAMPLE THAT

274
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:36,248
GOOD LORD!
FAUCI IS SETTING AN EXAMPLE THAT
IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR THE REST OF US

275
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:36,781
FAUCI IS SETTING AN EXAMPLE THAT
IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR THE REST OF US
TO LIVE UP TO.

276
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,383
IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR THE REST OF US
TO LIVE UP TO.
WEAR A MASK.

277
00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:39,885
TO LIVE UP TO.
WEAR A MASK.
WAWB YOUR HANDS.

278
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:40,418
WEAR A MASK.
WAWB YOUR HANDS.
I GET IT.

279
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:42,220
WAWB YOUR HANDS.
I GET IT.
BUT GO THROUGH ALL OF YOUR

280
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:43,922
I GET IT.
BUT GO THROUGH ALL OF YOUR
BODILY FUNCTIONS IN 10 MINUTES

281
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:46,157
BUT GO THROUGH ALL OF YOUR
BODILY FUNCTIONS IN 10 MINUTES
BEFORE LUNCH.

282
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:46,758
BODILY FUNCTIONS IN 10 MINUTES
BEFORE LUNCH.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CATCH UP

283
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:51,830
BEFORE LUNCH.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CATCH UP
ON MY INSTAS?

284
00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:52,430
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CATCH UP
ON MY INSTAS?
NOW, MOVING ON TO MORE URGENT

285
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,999
ON MY INSTAS?
NOW, MOVING ON TO MORE URGENT
NEWS, THIS SHOW HAS BEEN

286
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:55,734
NOW, MOVING ON TO MORE URGENT
NEWS, THIS SHOW HAS BEEN
RIGOROUSLY FOLLOWING THE

287
00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:56,368
NEWS, THIS SHOW HAS BEEN
RIGOROUSLY FOLLOWING THE
MOVEMENTS OF THE MONOLITH, BOTH

288
00:08:56,370 --> 00:09:00,105
RIGOROUSLY FOLLOWING THE
MOVEMENTS OF THE MONOLITH, BOTH
IN OUR MONOLITH-THEMED MONOLOGUE

289
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:00,739
MOVEMENTS OF THE MONOLITH, BOTH
IN OUR MONOLITH-THEMED MONOLOGUE
SEGMENT CALLED THE "MONO-LOGUE"

290
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:04,476
IN OUR MONOLITH-THEMED MONOLOGUE
SEGMENT CALLED THE "MONO-LOGUE"
AND IN OUR FULL MONOLITH

291
00:09:04,478 --> 00:09:06,177
SEGMENT CALLED THE "MONO-LOGUE"
AND IN OUR FULL MONOLITH
"MEANWHILE" COVERAGE: MON-WHILE.

292
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:06,845
AND IN OUR FULL MONOLITH
"MEANWHILE" COVERAGE: MON-WHILE.
BUT THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY

293
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,046
"MEANWHILE" COVERAGE: MON-WHILE.
BUT THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY
RECENT DEVELOPMENTS THAT WE HAVE

294
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:11,650
BUT THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY
RECENT DEVELOPMENTS THAT WE HAVE
TO TRACK ALL OF THE MONOLITH

295
00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:12,684
RECENT DEVELOPMENTS THAT WE HAVE
TO TRACK ALL OF THE MONOLITH
UPDATES AND RECORD THEM NOW IN A

296
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,019
TO TRACK ALL OF THE MONOLITH
UPDATES AND RECORD THEM NOW IN A
DETAILED LOGBOOK WITH OUR NEW

297
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:16,421
UPDATES AND RECORD THEM NOW IN A
DETAILED LOGBOOK WITH OUR NEW
MONOLITH-THEMED MONO-LOGUE

298
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:20,058
DETAILED LOGBOOK WITH OUR NEW
MONOLITH-THEMED MONO-LOGUE
SUB-SEGMENT: "THE MONO-LOG."

299
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:24,396
MONOLITH-THEMED MONO-LOGUE
SUB-SEGMENT: "THE MONO-LOG."
PREVIOUSLY ON "THE MONO-LOG:"

300
00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:24,996
SUB-SEGMENT: "THE MONO-LOG."
PREVIOUSLY ON "THE MONO-LOG:"
THE MONOLITH FIRST APPEARED IN

301
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,498
PREVIOUSLY ON "THE MONO-LOG:"
THE MONOLITH FIRST APPEARED IN
UTAH, THEN DISAPPEARE DISAPPEARD

302
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:31,903
THE MONOLITH FIRST APPEARED IN
UTAH, THEN DISAPPEARE DISAPPEARD
TO ROMANIA.

303
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:32,537
UTAH, THEN DISAPPEARE DISAPPEARD
TO ROMANIA.
ON WEDNESDAY, THE MONOLITH MADE

304
00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:33,872
TO ROMANIA.
ON WEDNESDAY, THE MONOLITH MADE
A TRIUMPHANT RETURN IN

305
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:34,706
ON WEDNESDAY, THE MONOLITH MADE
A TRIUMPHANT RETURN IN
CALIFORNIA. BUT, SADLY, TURNS

306
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:35,440
A TRIUMPHANT RETURN IN
CALIFORNIA. BUT, SADLY, TURNS
OUT WE CAN'T HAVE NICE MONOLITHS

307
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:36,374
CALIFORNIA. BUT, SADLY, TURNS
OUT WE CAN'T HAVE NICE MONOLITHS
ANYMORE, BECAUSE ACCORDING TO

308
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:37,809
OUT WE CAN'T HAVE NICE MONOLITHS
ANYMORE, BECAUSE ACCORDING TO
"GIZMODO,"

309
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:38,410
ANYMORE, BECAUSE ACCORDING TO
"GIZMODO,"
BIGOT LIVESTREAMERS HAVE TORN

310
00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:39,878
"GIZMODO,"
BIGOT LIVESTREAMERS HAVE TORN
DOWN THE CALIFORNIA MONOLITH IN

311
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:40,412
BIGOT LIVESTREAMERS HAVE TORN
DOWN THE CALIFORNIA MONOLITH IN
CHRIST'S NAME.

312
00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:44,015
DOWN THE CALIFORNIA MONOLITH IN
CHRIST'S NAME.
WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE.

313
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,117
CHRIST'S NAME.
WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE.
JESUS HIMSELF SAID, "BLESSED ARE

314
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:47,586
WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE.
JESUS HIMSELF SAID, "BLESSED ARE
THE BIGOT LIVESTREAMERS FOR THEY

315
00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:48,219
JESUS HIMSELF SAID, "BLESSED ARE
THE BIGOT LIVESTREAMERS FOR THEY
SHALL INHERIT A MISGUIDED SENSE

316
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:48,820
THE BIGOT LIVESTREAMERS FOR THEY
SHALL INHERIT A MISGUIDED SENSE
OF MORALITY AND RUIN ANYTHING

317
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:51,556
SHALL INHERIT A MISGUIDED SENSE
OF MORALITY AND RUIN ANYTHING
FUN."

318
00:09:51,558 --> 00:09:52,424
OF MORALITY AND RUIN ANYTHING
FUN."
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED: THE

319
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,326
FUN."
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED: THE
MONOLITH WAS STANDING ON A

320
00:09:54,328 --> 00:09:55,894
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED: THE
MONOLITH WAS STANDING ON A
HILLSIDE, MINDING ITS OWN

321
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:56,494
MONOLITH WAS STANDING ON A
HILLSIDE, MINDING ITS OWN
BUSINESS, WHEN THREE YOUNG MEN

322
00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:58,797
HILLSIDE, MINDING ITS OWN
BUSINESS, WHEN THREE YOUNG MEN
SHOWED UP-- ONE OF WHOM WAS

323
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,398
BUSINESS, WHEN THREE YOUNG MEN
SHOWED UP-- ONE OF WHOM WAS
WEARING A "MAKE AMERICA GREAT

324
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,000
SHOWED UP-- ONE OF WHOM WAS
WEARING A "MAKE AMERICA GREAT
AGAIN" HEADBAND-- AND CALLED

325
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,635
WEARING A "MAKE AMERICA GREAT
AGAIN" HEADBAND-- AND CALLED
PART OF THE MONOLITH'S

326
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:04,135
AGAIN" HEADBAND-- AND CALLED
PART OF THE MONOLITH'S
CONSTRUCTION "GAY."

327
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:04,636
PART OF THE MONOLITH'S
CONSTRUCTION "GAY."
OKAY, I'VE GOT A LOT OF

328
00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:07,839
CONSTRUCTION "GAY."
OKAY, I'VE GOT A LOT OF
QUESTIONS.

329
00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:08,440
OKAY, I'VE GOT A LOT OF
QUESTIONS.
FIRST OF ALL, I KNOW ABOUT THE

330
00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:12,277
QUESTIONS.
FIRST OF ALL, I KNOW ABOUT THE
HATS, BUT THEY MAKE MAGA

331
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:12,611
FIRST OF ALL, I KNOW ABOUT THE
HATS, BUT THEY MAKE MAGA
HEADBANDS NOW?

332
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,045
HATS, BUT THEY MAKE MAGA
HEADBANDS NOW?
ARE THEY STARTING MAGA-CISE

333
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:15,780
HEADBANDS NOW?
ARE THEY STARTING MAGA-CISE
CLASSES?

334
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:16,414
ARE THEY STARTING MAGA-CISE
CLASSES?
"STAND BACK, STAND BY, AND DO

335
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,984
CLASSES?
"STAND BACK, STAND BY, AND DO
NOTFEEL THE BERN."

336
00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:21,119
"STAND BACK, STAND BY, AND DO
NOTFEEL THE BERN."
BY THE WAY, THIS IS ME

337
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:21,653
NOTFEEL THE BERN."
BY THE WAY, THIS IS ME
DEMONSTRATING EXERCISE.

338
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:23,121
BY THE WAY, THIS IS ME
DEMONSTRATING EXERCISE.
THAT GIVES YOU SOME IDEA WHAT I

339
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:26,057
DEMONSTRATING EXERCISE.
THAT GIVES YOU SOME IDEA WHAT I
LOOK LIKE UNDER THE SHIRT.

340
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:28,426
THAT GIVES YOU SOME IDEA WHAT I
LOOK LIKE UNDER THE SHIRT.
SECOND OF ALL, BESIDES THE

341
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:30,128
LOOK LIKE UNDER THE SHIRT.
SECOND OF ALL, BESIDES THE
OFFENSIVE USE OF "GAY" AS A

342
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,529
SECOND OF ALL, BESIDES THE
OFFENSIVE USE OF "GAY" AS A
SLUR, HOW CAN PART OF THE

343
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:32,030
OFFENSIVE USE OF "GAY" AS A
SLUR, HOW CAN PART OF THE
MONOLITH BE GAY?

344
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:35,367
SLUR, HOW CAN PART OF THE
MONOLITH BE GAY?
THERE ARE NO PARTS!

345
00:10:35,369 --> 00:10:36,368
MONOLITH BE GAY?
THERE ARE NO PARTS!
IT IS A "MONO" LITH.

346
00:10:36,370 --> 00:10:38,069
THERE ARE NO PARTS!
IT IS A "MONO" LITH.
THERE'S ONLY ONE PART.

347
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,671
IT IS A "MONO" LITH.
THERE'S ONLY ONE PART.
THE BOYS THEN TORE DOWN THE

348
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:40,405
THERE'S ONLY ONE PART.
THE BOYS THEN TORE DOWN THE
MONOLITH AND REPLACED IT WITH A

349
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:42,540
THE BOYS THEN TORE DOWN THE
MONOLITH AND REPLACED IT WITH A
WOODEN CROSS.

350
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:44,042
MONOLITH AND REPLACED IT WITH A
WOODEN CROSS.
FAR BE IT FROM ME TO TELL THESE

351
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:45,644
WOODEN CROSS.
FAR BE IT FROM ME TO TELL THESE
IDIOTS HOW TO DO THEIR STUPID,

352
00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:46,711
FAR BE IT FROM ME TO TELL THESE
IDIOTS HOW TO DO THEIR STUPID,
BUT IT SEEMS LIKE THEY COULD

353
00:10:46,713 --> 00:10:48,113
IDIOTS HOW TO DO THEIR STUPID,
BUT IT SEEMS LIKE THEY COULD
HAVE SAVED A LOT OF TIME AND

354
00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:48,613
BUT IT SEEMS LIKE THEY COULD
HAVE SAVED A LOT OF TIME AND
EFFORT BY JUST ADDING A

355
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:50,048
HAVE SAVED A LOT OF TIME AND
EFFORT BY JUST ADDING A
PERPENDICULAR BEAM TO THE

356
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:58,156
EFFORT BY JUST ADDING A
PERPENDICULAR BEAM TO THE
MONOLITH.

357
00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,892
MONOLITH IS ALREADY TWO THIRDS
OF A CROSS.
THEN THEY WOULD'VE HAD MORE FREE

358
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:02,060
OF A CROSS.
THEN THEY WOULD'VE HAD MORE FREE
TIME FOR THEIR OTHER IMPORTANT

359
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:03,395
THEN THEY WOULD'VE HAD MORE FREE
TIME FOR THEIR OTHER IMPORTANT
WORK LIKE CROSSBOW SHOPPING AND

360
00:11:03,397 --> 00:11:04,195
TIME FOR THEIR OTHER IMPORTANT
WORK LIKE CROSSBOW SHOPPING AND
GOIN' OUT IN THE BACKYARD AND

361
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:04,829
WORK LIKE CROSSBOW SHOPPING AND
GOIN' OUT IN THE BACKYARD AND
SHOOTIN' FULL CANS OF BEEFARONI

362
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,564
GOIN' OUT IN THE BACKYARD AND
SHOOTIN' FULL CANS OF BEEFARONI
WITH A CROSSBOW.

363
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:07,966
SHOOTIN' FULL CANS OF BEEFARONI
WITH A CROSSBOW.
THESE HEADBAND-WEARING,

364
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:08,500
WITH A CROSSBOW.
THESE HEADBAND-WEARING,
MONOLITH-HATING BIBLE BROS

365
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:10,835
THESE HEADBAND-WEARING,
MONOLITH-HATING BIBLE BROS
EXPLAINED THEIR LOGIC, SAYING,

366
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:11,903
MONOLITH-HATING BIBLE BROS
EXPLAINED THEIR LOGIC, SAYING,
"CHRIST IS KING IN THIS COUNTRY.

367
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:12,470
EXPLAINED THEIR LOGIC, SAYING,
"CHRIST IS KING IN THIS COUNTRY.
WE DON'T WANT ILLEGAL ALIENS

368
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:14,039
"CHRIST IS KING IN THIS COUNTRY.
WE DON'T WANT ILLEGAL ALIENS
FROM MEXICO OR OUTER SPACE."

369
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:16,408
WE DON'T WANT ILLEGAL ALIENS
FROM MEXICO OR OUTER SPACE."
SEE, THAT'S THE KIND OF IGNORANT

370
00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:19,611
FROM MEXICO OR OUTER SPACE."
SEE, THAT'S THE KIND OF IGNORANT
HATE SPEECH THAT IS RUINING THIS

371
00:11:19,613 --> 00:11:20,011
SEE, THAT'S THE KIND OF IGNORANT
HATE SPEECH THAT IS RUINING THIS
BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY.

372
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:20,578
HATE SPEECH THAT IS RUINING THIS
BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY.
SPACE ALIENS ALREADY HAVE IT

373
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,080
BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY.
SPACE ALIENS ALREADY HAVE IT
ROUGH ENOUGH.

374
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:23,481
SPACE ALIENS ALREADY HAVE IT
ROUGH ENOUGH.
I MEAN, LOOK AT SUPERMAN.

375
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:24,416
ROUGH ENOUGH.
I MEAN, LOOK AT SUPERMAN.
HE SAVED US FROM LEX LUTHOR

376
00:11:24,418 --> 00:11:25,016
I MEAN, LOOK AT SUPERMAN.
HE SAVED US FROM LEX LUTHOR
COUNTLESS TIMES, AND HE STILL

377
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:25,617
HE SAVED US FROM LEX LUTHOR
COUNTLESS TIMES, AND HE STILL
HAD TO MARRY LOIS LANE JUST TO

378
00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:28,420
COUNTLESS TIMES, AND HE STILL
HAD TO MARRY LOIS LANE JUST TO
GET A GREEN CARD.

379
00:11:28,422 --> 00:11:36,528
HAD TO MARRY LOIS LANE JUST TO
GET A GREEN CARD.
BUT MAYBE MY FAVORITE PART OF

380
00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:40,965
THIS DUMB, DUMB, DUMB, DUMB-DUMB
STORY IS THAT, AFTER THEY
TOPPLED THE MONOLITH, THEY TIED

381
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:41,633
STORY IS THAT, AFTER THEY
TOPPLED THE MONOLITH, THEY TIED
ROPES AROUND IT AND DRAGGED IT

382
00:11:41,635 --> 00:11:42,834
TOPPLED THE MONOLITH, THEY TIED
ROPES AROUND IT AND DRAGGED IT
DOWN THE MOUNTAIN, CALLING IT

383
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,035
ROPES AROUND IT AND DRAGGED IT
DOWN THE MOUNTAIN, CALLING IT
NAMES.

384
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:46,004
DOWN THE MOUNTAIN, CALLING IT
NAMES.
OH, SWEETIE, IT CAN'T HEAR YOU.

385
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:48,406
NAMES.
OH, SWEETIE, IT CAN'T HEAR YOU.
IT'S AN OBJECT-- A SEXY, ERECT

386
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,008
OH, SWEETIE, IT CAN'T HEAR YOU.
IT'S AN OBJECT-- A SEXY, ERECT
OBJECT THAT MEANS NOTHING TO

387
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:51,543
IT'S AN OBJECT-- A SEXY, ERECT
OBJECT THAT MEANS NOTHING TO
YOU.

388
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:52,410
OBJECT THAT MEANS NOTHING TO
YOU.
NOW DRIVE OFF INTO THE SUNSET

389
00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:53,912
YOU.
NOW DRIVE OFF INTO THE SUNSET
WITH YOUR TRUCK FULL OF SWEATY,

390
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:55,280
NOW DRIVE OFF INTO THE SUNSET
WITH YOUR TRUCK FULL OF SWEATY,
HEADBAND-WEARING BOYS AND NEVER

391
00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:56,047
WITH YOUR TRUCK FULL OF SWEATY,
HEADBAND-WEARING BOYS AND NEVER
QUESTION THE DEEPER MEANING OF

392
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:59,384
HEADBAND-WEARING BOYS AND NEVER
QUESTION THE DEEPER MEANING OF
YOUR SPENDING ALL NIGHT ROPING

393
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:00,385
QUESTION THE DEEPER MEANING OF
YOUR SPENDING ALL NIGHT ROPING
THE GIANT SHAFT.

394
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,053
YOUR SPENDING ALL NIGHT ROPING
THE GIANT SHAFT.
AND IF THE PANDEMIC IS MAKING

395
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,422
THE GIANT SHAFT.
AND IF THE PANDEMIC IS MAKING
YOU WISH YOU LIVED IN A GALAXY

396
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:08,026
AND IF THE PANDEMIC IS MAKING
YOU WISH YOU LIVED IN A GALAXY
FAR, FAR AWAY, GOOD NEWS,

397
00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:08,593
YOU WISH YOU LIVED IN A GALAXY
FAR, FAR AWAY, GOOD NEWS,
FOLKS, BECAUSE, STARTING IN

398
00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:09,194
FAR, FAR AWAY, GOOD NEWS,
FOLKS, BECAUSE, STARTING IN
JANUARY, THE NEW TV SHOW "STAR

399
00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:11,696
FOLKS, BECAUSE, STARTING IN
JANUARY, THE NEW TV SHOW "STAR
WARS: KENOBI" IS SET TO SHOOT IN

400
00:12:11,698 --> 00:12:12,397
JANUARY, THE NEW TV SHOW "STAR
WARS: KENOBI" IS SET TO SHOOT IN
BOSTON.

401
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,164
WARS: KENOBI" IS SET TO SHOOT IN
BOSTON.
WHAT.

402
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:13,431
BOSTON.
WHAT.
WHAT?

403
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:13,998
WHAT.
WHAT?
BOSTON?

404
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:20,038
WHAT?
BOSTON?
REALLY?

405
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:23,641
BOSTON?
REALLY?
IS THIS SHOW ABOUT OBI WAN

406
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:24,375
REALLY?
IS THIS SHOW ABOUT OBI WAN
KANOBI OR HIS COUSIN FROM

407
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:25,677
IS THIS SHOW ABOUT OBI WAN
KANOBI OR HIS COUSIN FROM
SOUTHIE,

408
00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:26,111
KANOBI OR HIS COUSIN FROM
SOUTHIE,
<i> ( BOSTON ACCENT )</i>

409
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:27,912
SOUTHIE,
<i> ( BOSTON ACCENT )</i>
"LOOK, YOUR HELMET'S WICKED

410
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:28,480
<i> ( BOSTON ACCENT )</i>
"LOOK, YOUR HELMET'S WICKED
PISSAH, BUT THESE AREN'T THE

411
00:12:28,482 --> 00:12:29,214
"LOOK, YOUR HELMET'S WICKED
PISSAH, BUT THESE AREN'T THE
DROIDS YA LOOKIN' FOR.

412
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:30,014
PISSAH, BUT THESE AREN'T THE
DROIDS YA LOOKIN' FOR.
NOW I GOTTA GO PARK THE DEATH

413
00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:30,582
DROIDS YA LOOKIN' FOR.
NOW I GOTTA GO PARK THE DEATH
STAR IN ALDERAAN AND USE THE

414
00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:31,750
NOW I GOTTA GO PARK THE DEATH
STAR IN ALDERAAN AND USE THE
FORCE!

415
00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:32,150
STAR IN ALDERAAN AND USE THE
FORCE!
I'M YOUR FATHER!"

416
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:34,052
FORCE!
I'M YOUR FATHER!"
THAT WAS A PERFECT BOSTON

417
00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:36,421
I'M YOUR FATHER!"
THAT WAS A PERFECT BOSTON
ACCENT, NO LETTERS.

418
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:37,055
THAT WAS A PERFECT BOSTON
ACCENT, NO LETTERS.
MAYBE THE OLD JEDI'S BEEN IRISH

419
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:40,425
ACCENT, NO LETTERS.
MAYBE THE OLD JEDI'S BEEN IRISH
THIS WHOLE TIME, AND THE CORRECT

420
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:44,028
MAYBE THE OLD JEDI'S BEEN IRISH
THIS WHOLE TIME, AND THE CORRECT
SPELLING OF HIS NAME IS O'BIWAN!

421
00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:45,764
THIS WHOLE TIME, AND THE CORRECT
SPELLING OF HIS NAME IS O'BIWAN!
BUT THE BOSTON SETTING MIGHT

422
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,766
SPELLING OF HIS NAME IS O'BIWAN!
BUT THE BOSTON SETTING MIGHT
PROVE A LITTLE CHALLENGING,

423
00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:48,399
BUT THE BOSTON SETTING MIGHT
PROVE A LITTLE CHALLENGING,
BECAUSE ACCORDING TO THE SHOW'S

424
00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:50,034
PROVE A LITTLE CHALLENGING,
BECAUSE ACCORDING TO THE SHOW'S
DESCRIPTION, THE SHOW IS SET ON

425
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:52,370
BECAUSE ACCORDING TO THE SHOW'S
DESCRIPTION, THE SHOW IS SET ON
TATOOINE, A HARSH DESERT WORLD

426
00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:53,371
DESCRIPTION, THE SHOW IS SET ON
TATOOINE, A HARSH DESERT WORLD
WHERE FARMERS TOIL IN THE HEAT

427
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:54,906
TATOOINE, A HARSH DESERT WORLD
WHERE FARMERS TOIL IN THE HEAT
OF TWO SUNS.

428
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:56,040
WHERE FARMERS TOIL IN THE HEAT
OF TWO SUNS.
SO THE SCENERY AROUND UNCLE

429
00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:56,674
OF TWO SUNS.
SO THE SCENERY AROUND UNCLE
OWEN'S MOISTURE FARM IS GOING TO

430
00:12:56,676 --> 00:13:00,211
SO THE SCENERY AROUND UNCLE
OWEN'S MOISTURE FARM IS GOING TO
LOOK A LITTLE DIFFERENT.

431
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,379
OWEN'S MOISTURE FARM IS GOING TO
LOOK A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
I'LL TELL YOU THIS, THOUGH, I AM

432
00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:08,052
LOOK A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
I'LL TELL YOU THIS, THOUGH, I AM
EXCITED TO HEAR YODA SAY THIS.

433
00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:08,553
I'LL TELL YOU THIS, THOUGH, I AM
EXCITED TO HEAR YODA SAY THIS.
>> SUCK, THE YANKEES DO.

434
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:10,421
EXCITED TO HEAR YODA SAY THIS.
>> SUCK, THE YANKEES DO.
>> Stephen: SO, THE NEW SHOW IS

435
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:11,189
>> SUCK, THE YANKEES DO.
>> Stephen: SO, THE NEW SHOW IS
UNDOUBTEDLY GOING TO HAVE A

436
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:12,423
>> Stephen: SO, THE NEW SHOW IS
UNDOUBTEDLY GOING TO HAVE A
TOUCH OF BOSTON FLAVOR.

437
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,058
UNDOUBTEDLY GOING TO HAVE A
TOUCH OF BOSTON FLAVOR.
IN FACT, WE HAVE A SNEAK PREVIEW

438
00:13:14,060 --> 00:13:16,060
TOUCH OF BOSTON FLAVOR.
IN FACT, WE HAVE A SNEAK PREVIEW
OF THE OPENING CREDITS.

439
00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:16,427
IN FACT, WE HAVE A SNEAK PREVIEW
OF THE OPENING CREDITS.
JIM?

440
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:24,402
OF THE OPENING CREDITS.
JIM?
<i> ( TO TUNE OF "CHEERS" THEME )</i>

441
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:29,507
JIM?
<i> ( TO TUNE OF "CHEERS" THEME )</i>
♪ HIDING AWAY IN THE OUTER RIM

442
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:30,575
<i> ( TO TUNE OF "CHEERS" THEME )</i>
♪ HIDING AWAY IN THE OUTER RIM
TAKES EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT

443
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:31,709
♪ HIDING AWAY IN THE OUTER RIM
TAKES EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT
♪ TAKING A BREAK

444
00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:32,177
TAKES EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT
♪ TAKING A BREAK
FROM ALL THOSE JEDI

445
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:35,079
♪ TAKING A BREAK
FROM ALL THOSE JEDI
AND YOUR GARBAGE CAN ROBOT

446
00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:36,414
FROM ALL THOSE JEDI
AND YOUR GARBAGE CAN ROBOT
♪ WOULDN'T YOU LIKE

447
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:40,418
AND YOUR GARBAGE CAN ROBOT
♪ WOULDN'T YOU LIKE
TO GO TO SPACE

448
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:42,086
♪ WOULDN'T YOU LIKE
TO GO TO SPACE
♪ SOMETIMES YOU WANNA GO

449
00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:44,055
TO GO TO SPACE
♪ SOMETIMES YOU WANNA GO
WHERE EVERYBODY

450
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:47,592
♪ SOMETIMES YOU WANNA GO
WHERE EVERYBODY
HAS WEIRD NAMES

451
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:48,393
WHERE EVERYBODY
HAS WEIRD NAMES
♪  NOT HAVE TO FACE

452
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:52,397
HAS WEIRD NAMES
♪  NOT HAVE TO FACE
THAT FRIEND YOU MAIMED

453
00:13:52,399 --> 00:14:00,138
♪  NOT HAVE TO FACE
THAT FRIEND YOU MAIMED
♪ YOU WANNA GO WHERE PEOPLE KNOW

454
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:00,772
THAT FRIEND YOU MAIMED
♪ YOU WANNA GO WHERE PEOPLE KNOW
THAT TROOPERS HAVE TERRIBLE AIM

455
00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:02,040
♪ YOU WANNA GO WHERE PEOPLE KNOW
THAT TROOPERS HAVE TERRIBLE AIM
♪ YOU WANNA GO WHERE

456
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:06,878
THAT TROOPERS HAVE TERRIBLE AIM
♪ YOU WANNA GO WHERE
EVERYBODY HAS WEIRD NAMES ♪

457
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:08,012
♪ YOU WANNA GO WHERE
EVERYBODY HAS WEIRD NAMES ♪
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A GREAT

458
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,648
EVERYBODY HAS WEIRD NAMES ♪
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A GREAT
SHOW TONIGHT.

459
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:11,749
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A GREAT
SHOW TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS COMMON.

460
00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:12,383
SHOW TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS COMMON.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, KIDS ASK THE

461
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:12,750
MY GUEST IS COMMON.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, KIDS ASK THE
DARNDEST THINGS.

462
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:16,221
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, KIDS ASK THE
DARNDEST THINGS.
STICK AROUND.

463
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:16,454
DARNDEST THINGS.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪

464
00:14:36,742 --> 00:14:36,908
♪ ♪ ♪

465
00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:42,380
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY.
LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.

466
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,616
EVERYBODY.
LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.
HELLO, JON.

467
00:14:44,618 --> 00:14:46,084
LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.
HELLO, JON.
>> Jon: WOOOO!

468
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:46,918
HELLO, JON.
>> Jon: WOOOO!
THAT'S A BAND THERE.

469
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:47,518
>> Jon: WOOOO!
THAT'S A BAND THERE.
>> Stephen: IT IS.

470
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,354
THAT'S A BAND THERE.
>> Stephen: IT IS.
I HAVE AN IMPORTANT QUESTION FOR

471
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:49,921
>> Stephen: IT IS.
I HAVE AN IMPORTANT QUESTION FOR
YOU, JON.

472
00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:51,756
I HAVE AN IMPORTANT QUESTION FOR
YOU, JON.
DO YOU HAVE FRIENDS DOWN IN

473
00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:51,990
YOU, JON.
DO YOU HAVE FRIENDS DOWN IN
GEORGIA?

474
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:54,659
DO YOU HAVE FRIENDS DOWN IN
GEORGIA?
>> Jon: YES, I HAVE FRIEND IN

475
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:55,159
GEORGIA?
>> Jon: YES, I HAVE FRIEND IN
GEORGIA, OF COURSE.

476
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:56,527
>> Jon: YES, I HAVE FRIEND IN
GEORGIA, OF COURSE.
FAMILY IN GEORGIA.

477
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:57,562
GEORGIA, OF COURSE.
FAMILY IN GEORGIA.
>> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW IF

478
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,464
FAMILY IN GEORGIA.
>> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW IF
THEY'RE REGISTERED TO VOTE.

479
00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:00,899
>> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW IF
THEY'RE REGISTERED TO VOTE.
REMEMBER, THE DEADLINE TO

480
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,734
THEY'RE REGISTERED TO VOTE.
REMEMBER, THE DEADLINE TO
REGISTER TO VOTE IN THE RUNOFFS

481
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:04,102
REMEMBER, THE DEADLINE TO
REGISTER TO VOTE IN THE RUNOFFS
IN JANUARY FOR THE TWO SENATE

482
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,237
REGISTER TO VOTE IN THE RUNOFFS
IN JANUARY FOR THE TWO SENATE
SEATS, THAT'S DECEMBER 7.

483
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:06,571
IN JANUARY FOR THE TWO SENATE
SEATS, THAT'S DECEMBER 7.
>> Jon: RIGHT.

484
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:07,138
SEATS, THAT'S DECEMBER 7.
>> Jon: RIGHT.
>> Stephen: OKAY.

485
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:09,274
>> Jon: RIGHT.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> Jon: RIGHT, DECEMBER 7 IS

486
00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:09,774
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> Jon: RIGHT, DECEMBER 7 IS
THE DEADLINE.

487
00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:11,009
>> Jon: RIGHT, DECEMBER 7 IS
THE DEADLINE.
SO GOTTA SPREAD THE WORD.

488
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,277
THE DEADLINE.
SO GOTTA SPREAD THE WORD.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN REGISTER

489
00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:14,345
SO GOTTA SPREAD THE WORD.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN REGISTER
EVEN IF YOU WEREN'T REGISTERED

490
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:15,747
>> Stephen: YOU CAN REGISTER
EVEN IF YOU WEREN'T REGISTERED
FOR THE GENERAL ELECTION IN

491
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:16,114
EVEN IF YOU WEREN'T REGISTERED
FOR THE GENERAL ELECTION IN
NOVEMBER, RIGHT?

492
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:16,547
FOR THE GENERAL ELECTION IN
NOVEMBER, RIGHT?
>> Jon: RIGHT.

493
00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:19,584
NOVEMBER, RIGHT?
>> Jon: RIGHT.
>> Stephen: AND IF YOU WEREN'T

494
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,085
>> Jon: RIGHT.
>> Stephen: AND IF YOU WEREN'T
OLD ENOUGH AT THE GENERAL

495
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:21,352
>> Stephen: AND IF YOU WEREN'T
OLD ENOUGH AT THE GENERAL
ELECTION.

496
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:23,588
OLD ENOUGH AT THE GENERAL
ELECTION.
SO IF YOU'VE TURNED 18 BETWEEN

497
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,590
ELECTION.
SO IF YOU'VE TURNED 18 BETWEEN
NOVEMBER 3 AND JANUARY 5,

498
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,392
SO IF YOU'VE TURNED 18 BETWEEN
NOVEMBER 3 AND JANUARY 5,
RIGHT-- I THINK THAT'S THE

499
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:27,659
NOVEMBER 3 AND JANUARY 5,
RIGHT-- I THINK THAT'S THE
ELECTION.

500
00:15:27,661 --> 00:15:27,859
RIGHT-- I THINK THAT'S THE
ELECTION.
BOOM.

501
00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:29,193
ELECTION.
BOOM.
YOU'RE IN.

502
00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:30,695
BOOM.
YOU'RE IN.
>> Jon: BIRTHDAY PRESENT.

503
00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:30,995
YOU'RE IN.
>> Jon: BIRTHDAY PRESENT.
THERE IT IS.

504
00:15:30,997 --> 00:15:32,563
>> Jon: BIRTHDAY PRESENT.
THERE IT IS.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN REQUEST A

505
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:33,765
THERE IT IS.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN REQUEST A
BALLOT BY MAIL.

506
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,333
>> Stephen: YOU CAN REQUEST A
BALLOT BY MAIL.
AGAIN, IT'S JANUARY 5.

507
00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:36,567
BALLOT BY MAIL.
AGAIN, IT'S JANUARY 5.
FOR MORE INFORMATION TO

508
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:37,769
AGAIN, IT'S JANUARY 5.
FOR MORE INFORMATION TO
EVERYBODY OUT THERE-- AND PLEASE

509
00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,771
FOR MORE INFORMATION TO
EVERYBODY OUT THERE-- AND PLEASE
TELL YOUR FRIENDS IN GEORGIA,

510
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:45,543
EVERYBODY OUT THERE-- AND PLEASE
TELL YOUR FRIENDS IN GEORGIA,
JON, GO TO BETTERED

511
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:46,611
TELL YOUR FRIENDS IN GEORGIA,
JON, GO TO BETTERED
KNOWABALLOT.COM/GA, FOR ALL THE

512
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,246
JON, GO TO BETTERED
KNOWABALLOT.COM/GA, FOR ALL THE
RESOURCES YOU NEED AND A

513
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:49,781
KNOWABALLOT.COM/GA, FOR ALL THE
RESOURCES YOU NEED AND A
STEP-BY-STEP VIDEO BY ME ON HOW

514
00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:50,882
RESOURCES YOU NEED AND A
STEP-BY-STEP VIDEO BY ME ON HOW
TO REGISTER TO VOTE.

515
00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:51,549
STEP-BY-STEP VIDEO BY ME ON HOW
TO REGISTER TO VOTE.
IT'S FREE.

516
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:52,684
TO REGISTER TO VOTE.
IT'S FREE.
YOU'RE LOSING MONEY IF YOU DON'T

517
00:15:52,686 --> 00:15:52,951
IT'S FREE.
YOU'RE LOSING MONEY IF YOU DON'T
GO.

518
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:54,585
YOU'RE LOSING MONEY IF YOU DON'T
GO.
>> Jon: YOU CAN DO IT RIGHT

519
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:54,752
GO.
>> Jon: YOU CAN DO IT RIGHT
NOW.

520
00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:56,220
>> Jon: YOU CAN DO IT RIGHT
NOW.
>> Stephen: JON, YOU HAVE ANY

521
00:15:56,222 --> 00:15:58,323
NOW.
>> Stephen: JON, YOU HAVE ANY
RUNOFF MUSIC, SOMETHING FOR A

522
00:15:58,325 --> 00:16:06,597
>> Stephen: JON, YOU HAVE ANY
RUNOFF MUSIC, SOMETHING FOR A
RUNOFF?

523
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:08,666
RUNOFF MUSIC, SOMETHING FOR A
RUNOFF?
♪ ♪ ♪

524
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:10,168
RUNOFF?
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪

525
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:11,736
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE,

526
00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:12,036
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE,
EVERYBODY.

527
00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:15,440
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE,
EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU, JON.

528
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:15,673
EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU, JON.
>> Jon:

529
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:18,042
THANK YOU, JON.
>> Jon:
♪ OH, GEORGIA ♪

530
00:16:18,044 --> 00:16:19,043
>> Jon:
♪ OH, GEORGIA ♪
>> Stephen: CHILDREN: THEY'RE

531
00:16:19,045 --> 00:16:19,544
♪ OH, GEORGIA ♪
>> Stephen: CHILDREN: THEY'RE
LIKE ADULTS, BUT NOT AS

532
00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:19,811
>> Stephen: CHILDREN: THEY'RE
LIKE ADULTS, BUT NOT AS
EDUCATED.

533
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:21,379
LIKE ADULTS, BUT NOT AS
EDUCATED.
AND THEY CERTAINLY DON'T TALK IN

534
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:22,013
EDUCATED.
AND THEY CERTAINLY DON'T TALK IN
PERFECT WORD CHOICES LIKE WE CAN

535
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:24,649
AND THEY CERTAINLY DON'T TALK IN
PERFECT WORD CHOICES LIKE WE CAN
DO IT.

536
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,250
PERFECT WORD CHOICES LIKE WE CAN
DO IT.
AND WITH KIDS SPENDING MORE TIME

537
00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:26,851
DO IT.
AND WITH KIDS SPENDING MORE TIME
AT HOME RIGHT NOW, PARENTS ARE

538
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:28,319
AND WITH KIDS SPENDING MORE TIME
AT HOME RIGHT NOW, PARENTS ARE
REALIZING THEY ASK A LOT OF

539
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:32,623
AT HOME RIGHT NOW, PARENTS ARE
REALIZING THEY ASK A LOT OF
QUESTIONS.

540
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:33,458
REALIZING THEY ASK A LOT OF
QUESTIONS.
SO I'VE BEEN PROVIDING A SERVICE

541
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:34,325
QUESTIONS.
SO I'VE BEEN PROVIDING A SERVICE
WHERE I ANSWER REAL QUESTIONS

542
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,627
SO I'VE BEEN PROVIDING A SERVICE
WHERE I ANSWER REAL QUESTIONS
FROM REAL KIDS, SENT IN BY REAL

543
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,497
WHERE I ANSWER REAL QUESTIONS
FROM REAL KIDS, SENT IN BY REAL
PARENTS WHO ARE REAL TIRED.

544
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:40,164
FROM REAL KIDS, SENT IN BY REAL
PARENTS WHO ARE REAL TIRED.
SO, PARENTS, FEEL FREE TO TAKE A

545
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:40,798
PARENTS WHO ARE REAL TIRED.
SO, PARENTS, FEEL FREE TO TAKE A
BREAK AND LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN IN

546
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:44,635
SO, PARENTS, FEEL FREE TO TAKE A
BREAK AND LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN IN
FRONT OF THE TV.

547
00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:49,607
BREAK AND LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN IN
FRONT OF THE TV.
BECAUSE IT'S TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR

548
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:50,708
FRONT OF THE TV.
BECAUSE IT'S TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR
>> "STEPHEN TAKES YOUR KIDS!"

549
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:51,309
BECAUSE IT'S TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR
>> "STEPHEN TAKES YOUR KIDS!"
>> Stephen: I AM NO LONGER

550
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:52,276
>> "STEPHEN TAKES YOUR KIDS!"
>> Stephen: I AM NO LONGER
ASKING YOU, I AM TELLING YOU: WE

551
00:16:52,278 --> 00:17:00,251
>> Stephen: I AM NO LONGER
ASKING YOU, I AM TELLING YOU: WE
ARE CHANGING THAT NAME!

552
00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:00,685
ASKING YOU, I AM TELLING YOU: WE
ARE CHANGING THAT NAME!
HI, KIDS.

553
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:01,753
ARE CHANGING THAT NAME!
HI, KIDS.
I'M STEPHEN, AND I'LL BE YOUR

554
00:17:01,755 --> 00:17:02,320
HI, KIDS.
I'M STEPHEN, AND I'LL BE YOUR
TEACHER TODAY.

555
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:04,322
I'M STEPHEN, AND I'LL BE YOUR
TEACHER TODAY.
AND I'M HERE TO ANSWER

556
00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:08,192
TEACHER TODAY.
AND I'M HERE TO ANSWER
QUESTIONS, SINCE MY MIND IS FULL

557
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:08,760
AND I'M HERE TO ANSWER
QUESTIONS, SINCE MY MIND IS FULL
OF ALL THE CORRECT ANSWERS.

558
00:17:08,762 --> 00:17:09,327
QUESTIONS, SINCE MY MIND IS FULL
OF ALL THE CORRECT ANSWERS.
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT I

559
00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:09,794
OF ALL THE CORRECT ANSWERS.
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT I
NEVER ASK A QUESTION?

560
00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:10,328
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THAT I
NEVER ASK A QUESTION?
EXACTLY.

561
00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:12,397
NEVER ASK A QUESTION?
EXACTLY.
LET'S GET STARTED.

562
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:12,764
EXACTLY.
LET'S GET STARTED.
FIRST QUESTION!

563
00:17:12,766 --> 00:17:13,331
LET'S GET STARTED.
FIRST QUESTION!
>> DOES A CHICKEN TALK TO A

564
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:15,967
FIRST QUESTION!
>> DOES A CHICKEN TALK TO A
CHICKEN?

565
00:17:15,969 --> 00:17:16,601
>> DOES A CHICKEN TALK TO A
CHICKEN?
>> Stephen: YES, IT CAN, UNLESS

566
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:19,704
CHICKEN?
>> Stephen: YES, IT CAN, UNLESS
THE SECOND CHICKEN FORGOT THE

567
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:20,238
>> Stephen: YES, IT CAN, UNLESS
THE SECOND CHICKEN FORGOT THE
FIRST CHICKEN'S BIRTHDAY.

568
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:20,772
THE SECOND CHICKEN FORGOT THE
FIRST CHICKEN'S BIRTHDAY.
THEN THEY MAY NOT TALK FOR

569
00:17:20,774 --> 00:17:21,039
FIRST CHICKEN'S BIRTHDAY.
THEN THEY MAY NOT TALK FOR
MONTHS.

570
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:24,642
THEN THEY MAY NOT TALK FOR
MONTHS.
NEXT QUESTION!

571
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:27,979
MONTHS.
NEXT QUESTION!
>> WHAT HAPPENS IF YOGURT GOES

572
00:17:27,981 --> 00:17:28,413
NEXT QUESTION!
>> WHAT HAPPENS IF YOGURT GOES
IN YOUR-- UM-- NOSE?

573
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,248
>> WHAT HAPPENS IF YOGURT GOES
IN YOUR-- UM-- NOSE?
>> Stephen: OKAY, THIS DOES NOT

574
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,249
IN YOUR-- UM-- NOSE?
>> Stephen: OKAY, THIS DOES NOT
SEEM LIKE A HYPOTHETICAL.

575
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:32,650
>> Stephen: OKAY, THIS DOES NOT
SEEM LIKE A HYPOTHETICAL.
BUT DON'T PANIC-- I'M GOING TO

576
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:35,586
SEEM LIKE A HYPOTHETICAL.
BUT DON'T PANIC-- I'M GOING TO
TALK YOU THROUGH THIS.

577
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:36,621
BUT DON'T PANIC-- I'M GOING TO
TALK YOU THROUGH THIS.
YOU GOT TWO OPTIONS: ONE, GO GET

578
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:39,390
TALK YOU THROUGH THIS.
YOU GOT TWO OPTIONS: ONE, GO GET
A TISSUE, AND BLOW IT OUT.

579
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:40,291
YOU GOT TWO OPTIONS: ONE, GO GET
A TISSUE, AND BLOW IT OUT.
TWO, ADD SOME BLENDED FRUIT AND

580
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:41,759
A TISSUE, AND BLOW IT OUT.
TWO, ADD SOME BLENDED FRUIT AND
PROTEIN POWDER.

581
00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:43,294
TWO, ADD SOME BLENDED FRUIT AND
PROTEIN POWDER.
THEN YOU DON'T HAVE YOGURT UP

582
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:44,162
PROTEIN POWDER.
THEN YOU DON'T HAVE YOGURT UP
YOUR NOSE.

583
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:44,762
THEN YOU DON'T HAVE YOGURT UP
YOUR NOSE.
YOU'RE JUST MAKING A DELICIOUS

584
00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,264
YOUR NOSE.
YOU'RE JUST MAKING A DELICIOUS
NASAL SMOOTHIE.

585
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,199
YOU'RE JUST MAKING A DELICIOUS
NASAL SMOOTHIE.
NEXT QUESTION.

586
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:48,866
NASAL SMOOTHIE.
NEXT QUESTION.
>> IF THERE WAS ONE CHARACTER IN

587
00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:52,303
NEXT QUESTION.
>> IF THERE WAS ONE CHARACTER IN
THE ENTIRE "LORD OF THE RINGS"

588
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:52,870
>> IF THERE WAS ONE CHARACTER IN
THE ENTIRE "LORD OF THE RINGS"
STORY LINE THAT COULD BE AN

589
00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:54,939
THE ENTIRE "LORD OF THE RINGS"
STORY LINE THAT COULD BE AN
AVOCADO, WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK

590
00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:56,641
STORY LINE THAT COULD BE AN
AVOCADO, WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK
COULD BE THE AVOCADO?"

591
00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:58,309
AVOCADO, WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK
COULD BE THE AVOCADO?"
>> Stephen: WOW.

592
00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:00,645
COULD BE THE AVOCADO?"
>> Stephen: WOW.
THAT IS AN INCREDIBLE QUESTION.

593
00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:03,014
>> Stephen: WOW.
THAT IS AN INCREDIBLE QUESTION.
FIRST OF ALL, CONGRATULATIONS ON

594
00:18:03,016 --> 00:18:04,148
THAT IS AN INCREDIBLE QUESTION.
FIRST OF ALL, CONGRATULATIONS ON
ASKING ME PERHAPS THE ONLY

595
00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:04,782
FIRST OF ALL, CONGRATULATIONS ON
ASKING ME PERHAPS THE ONLY
QUESTION ABOUT "THE LORD OF THE

596
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:05,750
ASKING ME PERHAPS THE ONLY
QUESTION ABOUT "THE LORD OF THE
RINGS" THAT I'VE NEVER BEEN

597
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:06,484
QUESTION ABOUT "THE LORD OF THE
RINGS" THAT I'VE NEVER BEEN
ASKED BEFORE.

598
00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:07,452
RINGS" THAT I'VE NEVER BEEN
ASKED BEFORE.
I HAVE TO GIVE THIS SOME

599
00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:08,553
ASKED BEFORE.
I HAVE TO GIVE THIS SOME
THOUGHT.

600
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:08,719
I HAVE TO GIVE THIS SOME
THOUGHT.
SAM.

601
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:10,321
THOUGHT.
SAM.
SAM IS THE AVOCADO.

602
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:12,490
SAM.
SAM IS THE AVOCADO.
NEXT?

603
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:12,857
SAM IS THE AVOCADO.
NEXT?
>> I'M CONFUSED.

604
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:16,294
NEXT?
>> I'M CONFUSED.
WHICH LAMBORGHINI SHOULD I PICK

605
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:16,794
>> I'M CONFUSED.
WHICH LAMBORGHINI SHOULD I PICK
FOR MY SCHOOL PROJECT, A

606
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:17,929
WHICH LAMBORGHINI SHOULD I PICK
FOR MY SCHOOL PROJECT, A
CENTENARIO OR THE PERFORMANTE?"

607
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:18,563
FOR MY SCHOOL PROJECT, A
CENTENARIO OR THE PERFORMANTE?"
>> Stephen: MAHESH, I GOTTA SAY,

608
00:18:18,565 --> 00:18:20,631
CENTENARIO OR THE PERFORMANTE?"
>> Stephen: MAHESH, I GOTTA SAY,
I'M CONFUSED, TOO.

609
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,300
>> Stephen: MAHESH, I GOTTA SAY,
I'M CONFUSED, TOO.
I MEAN, CENTANARIO OR

610
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:23,367
I'M CONFUSED, TOO.
I MEAN, CENTANARIO OR
PERFORMANTE?

611
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:24,635
I MEAN, CENTANARIO OR
PERFORMANTE?
ARE THOSE REALLY THE ONLY TWO

612
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:28,306
PERFORMANTE?
ARE THOSE REALLY THE ONLY TWO
CHOICES, MAHESH?

613
00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:30,208
ARE THOSE REALLY THE ONLY TWO
CHOICES, MAHESH?
I MEAN, SURE, THE REAR-WHEEL

614
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:30,808
CHOICES, MAHESH?
I MEAN, SURE, THE REAR-WHEEL
STEERING AND THE INCREASED

615
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,410
I MEAN, SURE, THE REAR-WHEEL
STEERING AND THE INCREASED
DOWN-FORCE MAKE THE CENTENARIO A

616
00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:32,977
STEERING AND THE INCREASED
DOWN-FORCE MAKE THE CENTENARIO A
TECHNICAL MARVEL AND MOVING

617
00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:34,312
DOWN-FORCE MAKE THE CENTENARIO A
TECHNICAL MARVEL AND MOVING
TRIBUTE TO THE ANNIVERSARY OF

618
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:35,646
TECHNICAL MARVEL AND MOVING
TRIBUTE TO THE ANNIVERSARY OF
FERRUCCIO LAMBORGHINI'S BIRTH,

619
00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:36,647
TRIBUTE TO THE ANNIVERSARY OF
FERRUCCIO LAMBORGHINI'S BIRTH,
BUT EVERYONE KNOWS IT'S

620
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,950
FERRUCCIO LAMBORGHINI'S BIRTH,
BUT EVERYONE KNOWS IT'S
ESSENTIALLY JUST A MODIFIED

621
00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:39,917
BUT EVERYONE KNOWS IT'S
ESSENTIALLY JUST A MODIFIED
AVENTADOR.

622
00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:40,551
ESSENTIALLY JUST A MODIFIED
AVENTADOR.
AND, YES, THE PERFORMANTE IS A

623
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:43,087
AVENTADOR.
AND, YES, THE PERFORMANTE IS A
BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF ENGINEERING

624
00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:44,222
AND, YES, THE PERFORMANTE IS A
BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF ENGINEERING
FROM THE CARBON FIBRE FRONT

625
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:44,822
BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF ENGINEERING
FROM THE CARBON FIBRE FRONT
BUMPER TO THE FORGED COMPOSITE

626
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:47,859
FROM THE CARBON FIBRE FRONT
BUMPER TO THE FORGED COMPOSITE
REAR SPOILER.

627
00:18:47,861 --> 00:18:48,626
BUMPER TO THE FORGED COMPOSITE
REAR SPOILER.
BUT HAVE YOU EVEN CONSIDERED THE

628
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:52,296
REAR SPOILER.
BUT HAVE YOU EVEN CONSIDERED THE
CLASSIC COUNTACH LP-400?

629
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:53,831
BUT HAVE YOU EVEN CONSIDERED THE
CLASSIC COUNTACH LP-400?
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE INITIAL

630
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:54,665
CLASSIC COUNTACH LP-400?
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE INITIAL
MODEL WITH THE NARROW TIRES AND

631
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:55,333
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE INITIAL
MODEL WITH THE NARROW TIRES AND
LOW DRAG COEFFICIENT.

632
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,634
MODEL WITH THE NARROW TIRES AND
LOW DRAG COEFFICIENT.
IT MAY NOT HAVE THE PERFORMANCE

633
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,336
LOW DRAG COEFFICIENT.
IT MAY NOT HAVE THE PERFORMANCE
CAPABILITY OF NEWER MODELS, BUT

634
00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:01,472
IT MAY NOT HAVE THE PERFORMANCE
CAPABILITY OF NEWER MODELS, BUT
THE ICONIC SCISSOR DOORS AND

635
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:02,473
CAPABILITY OF NEWER MODELS, BUT
THE ICONIC SCISSOR DOORS AND
THE STRIKING ALLOY BODY WORK

636
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:03,407
THE ICONIC SCISSOR DOORS AND
THE STRIKING ALLOY BODY WORK
HELPED IT PIONEER THE ANGLED

637
00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:04,308
THE STRIKING ALLOY BODY WORK
HELPED IT PIONEER THE ANGLED
ITALIAN WEDGE DESIGN THAT WOULD

638
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:04,909
HELPED IT PIONEER THE ANGLED
ITALIAN WEDGE DESIGN THAT WOULD
GO ON TO BECOME A LAMBORGHINI

639
00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:07,245
ITALIAN WEDGE DESIGN THAT WOULD
GO ON TO BECOME A LAMBORGHINI
SIGNATURE.

640
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:08,446
GO ON TO BECOME A LAMBORGHINI
SIGNATURE.
BUT IT'S YOUR SCHOOL PROJECT.

641
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:08,913
SIGNATURE.
BUT IT'S YOUR SCHOOL PROJECT.
DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

642
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:12,650
BUT IT'S YOUR SCHOOL PROJECT.
DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
NEXT QUESTION.

643
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:15,086
DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
NEXT QUESTION.
>> WHY DO DINOSAURS STOMP ALL

644
00:19:15,088 --> 00:19:15,486
NEXT QUESTION.
>> WHY DO DINOSAURS STOMP ALL
DAY AND NIGHT?

645
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:16,120
>> WHY DO DINOSAURS STOMP ALL
DAY AND NIGHT?
>> Stephen: THAT'S AN IMPORTANT

646
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:16,387
DAY AND NIGHT?
>> Stephen: THAT'S AN IMPORTANT
QUESTION.

647
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:20,625
>> Stephen: THAT'S AN IMPORTANT
QUESTION.
THANK YOU.

648
00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:23,995
QUESTION.
THANK YOU.
THERE'S A LOT TO UNPACK THERE.

649
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:24,629
THANK YOU.
THERE'S A LOT TO UNPACK THERE.
THERE'S TWO REASONS THEY DO

650
00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:25,963
THERE'S A LOT TO UNPACK THERE.
THERE'S TWO REASONS THEY DO
THIS, REALLY.

651
00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:26,731
THERE'S TWO REASONS THEY DO
THIS, REALLY.
DINOSAURS STOMP ALL DAY BECAUSE

652
00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:28,099
THIS, REALLY.
DINOSAURS STOMP ALL DAY BECAUSE
THEY'RE STILL UPSET THAT COMET

653
00:19:28,101 --> 00:19:28,733
DINOSAURS STOMP ALL DAY BECAUSE
THEY'RE STILL UPSET THAT COMET
WIPED OUT ALL OF THEIR FRIENDS.

654
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:31,636
THEY'RE STILL UPSET THAT COMET
WIPED OUT ALL OF THEIR FRIENDS.
AND DINOSAURS STOMP ALL NIGHT

655
00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:32,637
WIPED OUT ALL OF THEIR FRIENDS.
AND DINOSAURS STOMP ALL NIGHT
BECAUSE THEIR DOWNSTAIRS

656
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:34,305
AND DINOSAURS STOMP ALL NIGHT
BECAUSE THEIR DOWNSTAIRS
NEIGHBOR IRV IS PLAYING THE

657
00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:35,306
BECAUSE THEIR DOWNSTAIRS
NEIGHBOR IRV IS PLAYING THE
MUSIC TOO LOUD, AND THEY HAVE TO

658
00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:36,607
NEIGHBOR IRV IS PLAYING THE
MUSIC TOO LOUD, AND THEY HAVE TO
BE ON A ZOOM CALL FIRST THING IN

659
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:40,645
MUSIC TOO LOUD, AND THEY HAVE TO
BE ON A ZOOM CALL FIRST THING IN
THE MORNING.

660
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:41,879
BE ON A ZOOM CALL FIRST THING IN
THE MORNING.
WE ALL LIKE STEELY DAN, IRV, BUT

661
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:44,615
THE MORNING.
WE ALL LIKE STEELY DAN, IRV, BUT
TURN DOWN THE "AJA."

662
00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:44,949
WE ALL LIKE STEELY DAN, IRV, BUT
TURN DOWN THE "AJA."
NEXT QUESTION.

663
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:46,217
TURN DOWN THE "AJA."
NEXT QUESTION.
>> MY QUESTION IS, CAN YOU CATCH

664
00:19:46,219 --> 00:19:46,450
NEXT QUESTION.
>> MY QUESTION IS, CAN YOU CATCH
A CLOUD?

665
00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:48,619
>> MY QUESTION IS, CAN YOU CATCH
A CLOUD?
>> Stephen: THAT'S A DEEP

666
00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:50,388
A CLOUD?
>> Stephen: THAT'S A DEEP
QUESTION, JAMES.

667
00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:51,589
>> Stephen: THAT'S A DEEP
QUESTION, JAMES.
TRYING TO THROW YOUR ARMS AROUND

668
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:52,290
QUESTION, JAMES.
TRYING TO THROW YOUR ARMS AROUND
A CLOUD WOULD BE LIKE TRYING TO

669
00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:56,227
TRYING TO THROW YOUR ARMS AROUND
A CLOUD WOULD BE LIKE TRYING TO
CATCH A MOMENT IN TIME.

670
00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:56,861
A CLOUD WOULD BE LIKE TRYING TO
CATCH A MOMENT IN TIME.
RATHER THAN CAUGHT, IT IS TO BE

671
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:57,495
CATCH A MOMENT IN TIME.
RATHER THAN CAUGHT, IT IS TO BE
OBSERVED LIKE ALL THE MOMENTS

672
00:19:57,497 --> 00:19:58,262
RATHER THAN CAUGHT, IT IS TO BE
OBSERVED LIKE ALL THE MOMENTS
THAT FLOAT ACROSS THE SKY OF OUR

673
00:19:58,264 --> 00:20:00,665
OBSERVED LIKE ALL THE MOMENTS
THAT FLOAT ACROSS THE SKY OF OUR
LIVES.

674
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:04,302
THAT FLOAT ACROSS THE SKY OF OUR
LIVES.
WE CANNOT KEEP THEM, AND THAT

675
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:04,902
LIVES.
WE CANNOT KEEP THEM, AND THAT
VERY FACT GIVES THEM A TRAGIC

676
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,871
WE CANNOT KEEP THEM, AND THAT
VERY FACT GIVES THEM A TRAGIC
BEAUTY.

677
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,573
VERY FACT GIVES THEM A TRAGIC
BEAUTY.
WE ARE HERE BUT ONCE, SO SEEK

678
00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:09,774
BEAUTY.
WE ARE HERE BUT ONCE, SO SEEK
NOT TO HOLD WHAT CANNOT BE HELD,

679
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:10,308
WE ARE HERE BUT ONCE, SO SEEK
NOT TO HOLD WHAT CANNOT BE HELD,
JAMES, ONLY BE PRESENT TO

680
00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:12,643
NOT TO HOLD WHAT CANNOT BE HELD,
JAMES, ONLY BE PRESENT TO
EXPERIENCE IT.

681
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:14,812
JAMES, ONLY BE PRESENT TO
EXPERIENCE IT.
EITHER THAT OR ASK YOUR PARENTS

682
00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:16,314
EXPERIENCE IT.
EITHER THAT OR ASK YOUR PARENTS
TO SPRING FOR STEPHEN COLBERT'S

683
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:20,651
EITHER THAT OR ASK YOUR PARENTS
TO SPRING FOR STEPHEN COLBERT'S
CLOUD VACUUM, WHICH RETAILS ON

684
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,253
TO SPRING FOR STEPHEN COLBERT'S
CLOUD VACUUM, WHICH RETAILS ON
OUR WEBSITE FOR ONLY $349.99.

685
00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:24,589
CLOUD VACUUM, WHICH RETAILS ON
OUR WEBSITE FOR ONLY $349.99.
STEPHEN COLBERT'S CLOUD VACUUM:

686
00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:28,292
OUR WEBSITE FOR ONLY $349.99.
STEPHEN COLBERT'S CLOUD VACUUM:
WE PROMISE IT'S GONNA SUCK!

687
00:20:28,294 --> 00:20:32,430
STEPHEN COLBERT'S CLOUD VACUUM:
WE PROMISE IT'S GONNA SUCK!
NEXT QUESTION.

688
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:32,964
WE PROMISE IT'S GONNA SUCK!
NEXT QUESTION.
>> HOW DOES SANTA GET THE

689
00:20:32,966 --> 00:20:34,298
NEXT QUESTION.
>> HOW DOES SANTA GET THE
PRESENTS TO ALL OF THE KIDS IN

690
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:36,334
>> HOW DOES SANTA GET THE
PRESENTS TO ALL OF THE KIDS IN
ONE DAY?

691
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:36,634
PRESENTS TO ALL OF THE KIDS IN
ONE DAY?
I'M LIKE...

692
00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:38,869
ONE DAY?
I'M LIKE...
>> Stephen: THAT IS A TOUGH ONE,

693
00:20:38,871 --> 00:20:40,304
I'M LIKE...
>> Stephen: THAT IS A TOUGH ONE,
JULIA.

694
00:20:40,306 --> 00:20:41,973
>> Stephen: THAT IS A TOUGH ONE,
JULIA.
LUCKILY, I HAPPEN TO BE GOOD

695
00:20:41,975 --> 00:20:42,607
JULIA.
LUCKILY, I HAPPEN TO BE GOOD
FRIENDS WITH SANTA, AND MAYBE HE

696
00:20:42,609 --> 00:20:43,174
LUCKILY, I HAPPEN TO BE GOOD
FRIENDS WITH SANTA, AND MAYBE HE
CAN ANSWER THIS ONE HIMSELF.

697
00:20:43,176 --> 00:20:48,112
FRIENDS WITH SANTA, AND MAYBE HE
CAN ANSWER THIS ONE HIMSELF.
SANTA?

698
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:48,646
CAN ANSWER THIS ONE HIMSELF.
SANTA?
>> HO, HO, HO, HO, HO!

699
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:49,447
SANTA?
>> HO, HO, HO, HO, HO!
HI, JULIA.

700
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:50,915
>> HO, HO, HO, HO, HO!
HI, JULIA.
IT'S ME, SANTA.

701
00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:52,116
HI, JULIA.
IT'S ME, SANTA.
HOW DO I DO IT?

702
00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:52,650
IT'S ME, SANTA.
HOW DO I DO IT?
I'LL TELL YA HOW I DO IT.

703
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:56,487
HOW DO I DO IT?
I'LL TELL YA HOW I DO IT.
YOU DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, ALL

704
00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:56,687
I'LL TELL YA HOW I DO IT.
YOU DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, ALL
RIGHT?

705
00:20:56,689 --> 00:21:00,658
YOU DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, ALL
RIGHT?
YOU FILL OUT YOUR CHRISTMAS

706
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:02,493
RIGHT?
YOU FILL OUT YOUR CHRISTMAS
LIST, AND COME CHRISTMAS

707
00:21:02,495 --> 00:21:03,094
YOU FILL OUT YOUR CHRISTMAS
LIST, AND COME CHRISTMAS
MORNING, YOU OPEN YOUR PRETTY

708
00:21:03,096 --> 00:21:03,661
LIST, AND COME CHRISTMAS
MORNING, YOU OPEN YOUR PRETTY
LITTLE EYES, AND THERE'LL BE

709
00:21:03,663 --> 00:21:04,328
MORNING, YOU OPEN YOUR PRETTY
LITTLE EYES, AND THERE'LL BE
PRESENTS.

710
00:21:04,330 --> 00:21:08,165
LITTLE EYES, AND THERE'LL BE
PRESENTS.
THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.

711
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:08,799
PRESENTS.
THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.
I'LL GET IT DONE, PANDEMIC OR NO

712
00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:09,634
THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.
I'LL GET IT DONE, PANDEMIC OR NO
PANDEMIC.

713
00:21:09,636 --> 00:21:10,334
I'LL GET IT DONE, PANDEMIC OR NO
PANDEMIC.
I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 10,000

714
00:21:10,336 --> 00:21:12,470
PANDEMIC.
I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 10,000
YEARS.

715
00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:12,903
I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 10,000
YEARS.
IT'S GONNA GET DONE.

716
00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:16,340
YEARS.
IT'S GONNA GET DONE.
ALL RIGHT?

717
00:21:16,342 --> 00:21:18,743
IT'S GONNA GET DONE.
ALL RIGHT?
SO I DON'T NEED THE "HUH?"

718
00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:20,311
ALL RIGHT?
SO I DON'T NEED THE "HUH?"
I DON'T NEED THAT EXPRESSION.

719
00:21:20,313 --> 00:21:20,878
SO I DON'T NEED THE "HUH?"
I DON'T NEED THAT EXPRESSION.
I DON'T NEED THAT FROM YOU.

720
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,313
I DON'T NEED THAT EXPRESSION.
I DON'T NEED THAT FROM YOU.
SO, DON'T WORRY.

721
00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:23,547
I DON'T NEED THAT FROM YOU.
SO, DON'T WORRY.
IT'LL GET DONE.

722
00:21:23,549 --> 00:21:24,615
SO, DON'T WORRY.
IT'LL GET DONE.
THANK YOU.

723
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:28,052
IT'LL GET DONE.
THANK YOU.
OH, THANKS FOR THE COOKIES.

724
00:21:28,054 --> 00:21:28,586
THANK YOU.
OH, THANKS FOR THE COOKIES.
>> Stephen: THANKS, SANTA.

725
00:21:28,588 --> 00:21:30,855
OH, THANKS FOR THE COOKIES.
>> Stephen: THANKS, SANTA.
AND THANK YOU, KIDS.

726
00:21:30,857 --> 00:21:32,023
>> Stephen: THANKS, SANTA.
AND THANK YOU, KIDS.
WELL, PARENTS, I HOPE THAT GAVE

727
00:21:32,025 --> 00:21:32,623
AND THANK YOU, KIDS.
WELL, PARENTS, I HOPE THAT GAVE
YOU A LITTLE BREAK.

728
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:34,325
WELL, PARENTS, I HOPE THAT GAVE
YOU A LITTLE BREAK.
AND IF YOUR KIDS HAVE QUESTIONS

729
00:21:34,327 --> 00:21:36,627
YOU A LITTLE BREAK.
AND IF YOUR KIDS HAVE QUESTIONS
AT HOME, PLEASE POST A VIDEO TO

730
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:40,298
AND IF YOUR KIDS HAVE QUESTIONS
AT HOME, PLEASE POST A VIDEO TO
SOCIAL MEDIA USING THE HASHTAG

731
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:44,635
AT HOME, PLEASE POST A VIDEO TO
SOCIAL MEDIA USING THE HASHTAG
COLBERT-KID-QUESTIONS, AND WE

732
00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:46,237
SOCIAL MEDIA USING THE HASHTAG
COLBERT-KID-QUESTIONS, AND WE
MIGHT JUST FEATURE IT IN OUR

733
00:21:46,239 --> 00:21:48,639
COLBERT-KID-QUESTIONS, AND WE
MIGHT JUST FEATURE IT IN OUR
NEXT INSTALLMENT OF "STEPHEN

734
00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:55,646
MIGHT JUST FEATURE IT IN OUR
NEXT INSTALLMENT OF "STEPHEN
TAKES YOUR KIDS."

735
00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:56,447
NEXT INSTALLMENT OF "STEPHEN
TAKES YOUR KIDS."
LOOK ME IN THE EYES.

736
00:21:56,449 --> 00:21:56,714
TAKES YOUR KIDS."
LOOK ME IN THE EYES.
NO, LOOK.

737
00:21:56,716 --> 00:21:57,915
LOOK ME IN THE EYES.
NO, LOOK.
SAY YOU'RE GOING TO CHANGE IT.

738
00:21:57,917 --> 00:21:58,349
NO, LOOK.
SAY YOU'RE GOING TO CHANGE IT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!

739
00:21:58,351 --> 00:21:59,517
SAY YOU'RE GOING TO CHANGE IT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
THAT-- YOU'RE LOOKING OVER HERE.

740
00:22:05,424 --> 00:22:13,064
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY.

741
00:22:13,066 --> 00:22:15,399
>> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY.
JOINING ME TONIGHT IS AN ACTOR,

742
00:22:15,401 --> 00:22:17,368
EVERYBODY.
JOINING ME TONIGHT IS AN ACTOR,
ACTIVIST, PRODUCER, AND THE VERY

743
00:22:17,370 --> 00:22:19,103
JOINING ME TONIGHT IS AN ACTOR,
ACTIVIST, PRODUCER, AND THE VERY
FIRST RAPPER TO WIN AN EMMY,

744
00:22:19,105 --> 00:22:20,838
ACTIVIST, PRODUCER, AND THE VERY
FIRST RAPPER TO WIN AN EMMY,
GRAMMY, AND ACADEMY AWARD.

745
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:21,405
FIRST RAPPER TO WIN AN EMMY,
GRAMMY, AND ACADEMY AWARD.
HIS LATEST ALBUM IS CALLED,

746
00:22:21,407 --> 00:22:24,041
GRAMMY, AND ACADEMY AWARD.
HIS LATEST ALBUM IS CALLED,
"A BEAUTIFUL REVOLUTION PART 1."

747
00:22:24,043 --> 00:22:24,542
HIS LATEST ALBUM IS CALLED,
"A BEAUTIFUL REVOLUTION PART 1."
PLEASE WELCOME, COMMON.

748
00:22:24,544 --> 00:22:25,509
"A BEAUTIFUL REVOLUTION PART 1."
PLEASE WELCOME, COMMON.
HEY, GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

749
00:22:25,511 --> 00:22:26,811
PLEASE WELCOME, COMMON.
HEY, GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> HEY, STEPHEN.

750
00:22:26,813 --> 00:22:28,212
HEY, GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> HEY, STEPHEN.
HOW ARE YOU?

751
00:22:28,214 --> 00:22:29,647
>> HEY, STEPHEN.
HOW ARE YOU?
>> Stephen: PEACE TO YOU, TOO.

752
00:22:29,649 --> 00:22:30,781
HOW ARE YOU?
>> Stephen: PEACE TO YOU, TOO.
I'LL TAKE IT.

753
00:22:30,783 --> 00:22:33,351
>> Stephen: PEACE TO YOU, TOO.
I'LL TAKE IT.
NOW, LISTEN, AS I SAID IN YOUR

754
00:22:33,353 --> 00:22:35,186
I'LL TAKE IT.
NOW, LISTEN, AS I SAID IN YOUR
INTRO JUST NOW, YOU'RE AN

755
00:22:35,188 --> 00:22:35,653
NOW, LISTEN, AS I SAID IN YOUR
INTRO JUST NOW, YOU'RE AN
ACCOMPLISHED MAN.

756
00:22:35,655 --> 00:22:37,588
INTRO JUST NOW, YOU'RE AN
ACCOMPLISHED MAN.
YOU'VE RECEIVED NUMEROUS

757
00:22:37,590 --> 00:22:39,457
ACCOMPLISHED MAN.
YOU'VE RECEIVED NUMEROUS
ACCOLADES-- THE EMMY, THE

758
00:22:39,459 --> 00:22:41,492
YOU'VE RECEIVED NUMEROUS
ACCOLADES-- THE EMMY, THE
GRAMMY, THE OSCAAAR.

759
00:22:41,494 --> 00:22:43,227
ACCOLADES-- THE EMMY, THE
GRAMMY, THE OSCAAAR.
BUT YOU'VE JUST ACHIEVED

760
00:22:43,229 --> 00:22:45,096
GRAMMY, THE OSCAAAR.
BUT YOU'VE JUST ACHIEVED
SOMETHING VERY FEW DO, A MUCH

761
00:22:45,098 --> 00:22:46,163
BUT YOU'VE JUST ACHIEVED
SOMETHING VERY FEW DO, A MUCH
SMALLER CLUB, AND THAT IS YOU

762
00:22:46,165 --> 00:22:49,066
SOMETHING VERY FEW DO, A MUCH
SMALLER CLUB, AND THAT IS YOU
ARE INCLUDED IN "PEOPLE'S"

763
00:22:49,068 --> 00:22:50,334
SMALLER CLUB, AND THAT IS YOU
ARE INCLUDED IN "PEOPLE'S"
"SEXIEST MAN ALIVE" ISSUE, AND

764
00:22:50,336 --> 00:22:51,969
ARE INCLUDED IN "PEOPLE'S"
"SEXIEST MAN ALIVE" ISSUE, AND
YOU PROVED IT.

765
00:22:51,971 --> 00:22:53,838
"SEXIEST MAN ALIVE" ISSUE, AND
YOU PROVED IT.
YU PUT YOUR-- YOU PUT YOUR

766
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,707
YOU PROVED IT.
YU PUT YOUR-- YOU PUT YOUR
TORSO WHERE SOMEONE ELSE'S MOUTH

767
00:22:56,709 --> 00:22:56,874
YU PUT YOUR-- YOU PUT YOUR
TORSO WHERE SOMEONE ELSE'S MOUTH
IS.

768
00:22:56,876 --> 00:22:58,109
TORSO WHERE SOMEONE ELSE'S MOUTH
IS.
THERE YOU GO.

769
00:22:58,111 --> 00:22:59,343
IS.
THERE YOU GO.
( LAUGHING )

770
00:22:59,345 --> 00:23:01,045
THERE YOU GO.
( LAUGHING )
WHAT DAMN PLACE DO YOU HAVE

771
00:23:01,047 --> 00:23:03,481
( LAUGHING )
WHAT DAMN PLACE DO YOU HAVE
HAVING ABS?

772
00:23:03,483 --> 00:23:03,948
WHAT DAMN PLACE DO YOU HAVE
HAVING ABS?
I'M OFFENDED.

773
00:23:03,950 --> 00:23:04,815
HAVING ABS?
I'M OFFENDED.
I'M OFFENDED.

774
00:23:04,817 --> 00:23:06,917
I'M OFFENDED.
I'M OFFENDED.
PUT IT BACK UP, JIMMY.

775
00:23:06,919 --> 00:23:08,686
I'M OFFENDED.
PUT IT BACK UP, JIMMY.
LET'S NOT LET HIM OFF THE HOOK

776
00:23:08,688 --> 00:23:08,886
PUT IT BACK UP, JIMMY.
LET'S NOT LET HIM OFF THE HOOK
HERE.

777
00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:10,321
LET'S NOT LET HIM OFF THE HOOK
HERE.
THAT'S NOT RIGHT!

778
00:23:10,323 --> 00:23:13,190
HERE.
THAT'S NOT RIGHT!
>> LISTEN, HEY, I TAKE PRIDE IN

779
00:23:13,192 --> 00:23:15,626
THAT'S NOT RIGHT!
>> LISTEN, HEY, I TAKE PRIDE IN
MYSELF, BUT I HAVE TO SAY I WAS

780
00:23:15,628 --> 00:23:17,361
>> LISTEN, HEY, I TAKE PRIDE IN
MYSELF, BUT I HAVE TO SAY I WAS
EXCITED WHEN THEY SAID, "WE'RE

781
00:23:17,363 --> 00:23:21,098
MYSELF, BUT I HAVE TO SAY I WAS
EXCITED WHEN THEY SAID, "WE'RE
GOING TO PUT YOU AS ONE OF

782
00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:22,166
EXCITED WHEN THEY SAID, "WE'RE
GOING TO PUT YOU AS ONE OF
'PEOPLE'S' SEXIEST MAN."

783
00:23:22,168 --> 00:23:24,468
GOING TO PUT YOU AS ONE OF
'PEOPLE'S' SEXIEST MAN."
I SAID, I'M GOING TO TAKE IT.

784
00:23:24,470 --> 00:23:26,537
'PEOPLE'S' SEXIEST MAN."
I SAID, I'M GOING TO TAKE IT.
SOME OF MY TEAM DIDN'T BELIEVE I

785
00:23:26,539 --> 00:23:28,038
I SAID, I'M GOING TO TAKE IT.
SOME OF MY TEAM DIDN'T BELIEVE I
HAD THE ABS LIKE THAT AND THEY

786
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:29,807
SOME OF MY TEAM DIDN'T BELIEVE I
HAD THE ABS LIKE THAT AND THEY
WERE PAINTED IN AND MAKEUP.

787
00:23:29,809 --> 00:23:30,541
HAD THE ABS LIKE THAT AND THEY
WERE PAINTED IN AND MAKEUP.
THAT'S REAL.

788
00:23:30,543 --> 00:23:31,409
WERE PAINTED IN AND MAKEUP.
THAT'S REAL.
THAT'S THE TRUTH RIGHT THERE.

789
00:23:31,411 --> 00:23:33,744
THAT'S REAL.
THAT'S THE TRUTH RIGHT THERE.
>> Stephen: NO PHOTOSHOP?

790
00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:36,046
THAT'S THE TRUTH RIGHT THERE.
>> Stephen: NO PHOTOSHOP?
>> NO PHOTOSHOP, MAN.

791
00:23:36,048 --> 00:23:37,348
>> Stephen: NO PHOTOSHOP?
>> NO PHOTOSHOP, MAN.
IT'S BEEN FUNNY BECAUSE MY

792
00:23:37,350 --> 00:23:39,283
>> NO PHOTOSHOP, MAN.
IT'S BEEN FUNNY BECAUSE MY
DAUGHTER HATED THAT I GOT IT.

793
00:23:39,285 --> 00:23:41,919
IT'S BEEN FUNNY BECAUSE MY
DAUGHTER HATED THAT I GOT IT.
MY MOTHER FG LIKE, I SEE YOU GOT

794
00:23:41,921 --> 00:23:44,722
DAUGHTER HATED THAT I GOT IT.
MY MOTHER FG LIKE, I SEE YOU GOT
A "PEOPLE'S SEXIEST MAN," ONE OF

795
00:23:44,724 --> 00:23:47,758
MY MOTHER FG LIKE, I SEE YOU GOT
A "PEOPLE'S SEXIEST MAN," ONE OF
THEM, AND EVERYBODY ELSE KIND OF

796
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:48,058
A "PEOPLE'S SEXIEST MAN," ONE OF
THEM, AND EVERYBODY ELSE KIND OF
ENJOYED IT.

797
00:23:48,060 --> 00:23:48,826
THEM, AND EVERYBODY ELSE KIND OF
ENJOYED IT.
>> Stephen: I HAVE ONE

798
00:23:48,828 --> 00:23:50,628
ENJOYED IT.
>> Stephen: I HAVE ONE
QUESTION BEFORE I MOVE ON.

799
00:23:50,630 --> 00:23:52,096
>> Stephen: I HAVE ONE
QUESTION BEFORE I MOVE ON.
THERE'S AN OLD-FASHIONED MUG AND

800
00:23:52,098 --> 00:23:52,930
QUESTION BEFORE I MOVE ON.
THERE'S AN OLD-FASHIONED MUG AND
BRUSH FOR SHAVING.

801
00:23:52,932 --> 00:23:54,064
THERE'S AN OLD-FASHIONED MUG AND
BRUSH FOR SHAVING.
YOU HAVE A FULL BEARD.

802
00:23:54,066 --> 00:23:56,367
BRUSH FOR SHAVING.
YOU HAVE A FULL BEARD.
WHAT ARE WE SHAVING HERE?"

803
00:23:56,369 --> 00:23:56,801
YOU HAVE A FULL BEARD.
WHAT ARE WE SHAVING HERE?"
ALL SHAVED?

804
00:23:56,803 --> 00:23:59,770
WHAT ARE WE SHAVING HERE?"
ALL SHAVED?
WHAT ARE WE SHAVING HERE.

805
00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:00,638
ALL SHAVED?
WHAT ARE WE SHAVING HERE.
OH, I FORGOT.

806
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:03,207
WHAT ARE WE SHAVING HERE.
OH, I FORGOT.
>> STEPHEN, LET ME TELL YOU,

807
00:24:03,209 --> 00:24:05,376
OH, I FORGOT.
>> STEPHEN, LET ME TELL YOU,
THIS BALD HEAD NEEDS A CLEAN

808
00:24:05,378 --> 00:24:05,576
>> STEPHEN, LET ME TELL YOU,
THIS BALD HEAD NEEDS A CLEAN
SHAVE.

809
00:24:05,578 --> 00:24:06,510
THIS BALD HEAD NEEDS A CLEAN
SHAVE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S

810
00:24:06,512 --> 00:24:06,811
SHAVE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S
MAINTENANCE?

811
00:24:06,813 --> 00:24:08,546
>> Stephen: THAT'S
MAINTENANCE?
>> THAT'S MAINTENANCE AND IT'S

812
00:24:08,548 --> 00:24:11,081
MAINTENANCE?
>> THAT'S MAINTENANCE AND IT'S
AN EFFORT THREE- OR FOUR-DAY

813
00:24:11,083 --> 00:24:11,282
>> THAT'S MAINTENANCE AND IT'S
AN EFFORT THREE- OR FOUR-DAY
THING.

814
00:24:11,284 --> 00:24:11,882
AN EFFORT THREE- OR FOUR-DAY
THING.
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS.

815
00:24:11,884 --> 00:24:12,216
THING.
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU.

816
00:24:12,218 --> 00:24:13,584
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: THAT'S THE FIRST

817
00:24:13,586 --> 00:24:14,952
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: THAT'S THE FIRST
LINE OF YOUR OBIT RIGHT THERE.

818
00:24:14,954 --> 00:24:16,954
>> Stephen: THAT'S THE FIRST
LINE OF YOUR OBIT RIGHT THERE.
LAST TIME WE WERE TOGETHER, A

819
00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:18,689
LINE OF YOUR OBIT RIGHT THERE.
LAST TIME WE WERE TOGETHER, A
LITTLE OVER A YEAR-- MAYBE A

820
00:24:18,691 --> 00:24:20,958
LAST TIME WE WERE TOGETHER, A
LITTLE OVER A YEAR-- MAYBE A
YEAR AND A HALF AGO, WE TALKED

821
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:21,292
LITTLE OVER A YEAR-- MAYBE A
YEAR AND A HALF AGO, WE TALKED
ABOUT LOVE.

822
00:24:21,294 --> 00:24:22,660
YEAR AND A HALF AGO, WE TALKED
ABOUT LOVE.
I'M A FAN OF IT.

823
00:24:22,662 --> 00:24:25,062
ABOUT LOVE.
I'M A FAN OF IT.
AND SINCE THEN, YOU HAVE FOUND

824
00:24:25,064 --> 00:24:25,329
I'M A FAN OF IT.
AND SINCE THEN, YOU HAVE FOUND
LOVE.

825
00:24:25,331 --> 00:24:28,999
AND SINCE THEN, YOU HAVE FOUND
LOVE.
YOU ARE DATING TIFFANY HADDISH

826
00:24:29,001 --> 00:24:29,166
LOVE.
YOU ARE DATING TIFFANY HADDISH
NOW.

827
00:24:29,168 --> 00:24:30,034
YOU ARE DATING TIFFANY HADDISH
NOW.
>> YES.

828
00:24:30,036 --> 00:24:31,068
NOW.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: FIRST OF ALL,

829
00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:32,570
>> YES.
>> Stephen: FIRST OF ALL,
EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT CHOICE.

830
00:24:32,572 --> 00:24:34,371
>> Stephen: FIRST OF ALL,
EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT CHOICE.
>> THANK YOU.

831
00:24:34,373 --> 00:24:36,407
EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT CHOICE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: NICELY DONE.

832
00:24:36,409 --> 00:24:38,809
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: NICELY DONE.
YOU KNOW THAT SHE-- DOES IT MAKE

833
00:24:38,811 --> 00:24:41,145
>> Stephen: NICELY DONE.
YOU KNOW THAT SHE-- DOES IT MAKE
YOU UNCOMFORTABLE THAT SHE HAS

834
00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:42,313
YOU KNOW THAT SHE-- DOES IT MAKE
YOU UNCOMFORTABLE THAT SHE HAS
PUBLICLY EXPRESSED THAT SHE'S

835
00:24:42,315 --> 00:24:44,248
YOU UNCOMFORTABLE THAT SHE HAS
PUBLICLY EXPRESSED THAT SHE'S
ATTRACTED TO ME SEVERAL TIMES.

836
00:24:44,250 --> 00:24:45,349
PUBLICLY EXPRESSED THAT SHE'S
ATTRACTED TO ME SEVERAL TIMES.
IS THIS DIFFICULT FOR YOU RIGHT

837
00:24:45,351 --> 00:24:45,516
ATTRACTED TO ME SEVERAL TIMES.
IS THIS DIFFICULT FOR YOU RIGHT
NOW?

838
00:24:45,518 --> 00:24:46,383
IS THIS DIFFICULT FOR YOU RIGHT
NOW?
>> I THINK SHE WAS TRYING TO

839
00:24:46,385 --> 00:24:47,985
NOW?
>> I THINK SHE WAS TRYING TO
MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD.

840
00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:48,419
>> I THINK SHE WAS TRYING TO
MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD.
SHE'S A COMEDIAN.

841
00:24:48,421 --> 00:24:50,321
MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD.
SHE'S A COMEDIAN.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHEN IT'S

842
00:24:50,323 --> 00:24:50,788
SHE'S A COMEDIAN.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHEN IT'S
REAL.

843
00:24:50,790 --> 00:24:51,889
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHEN IT'S
REAL.
YOU KNOW WHEN IT'S REAL.

844
00:24:51,891 --> 00:24:53,057
REAL.
YOU KNOW WHEN IT'S REAL.
YOU KNOW WHEN A GIRL IS PUTTING

845
00:24:53,059 --> 00:24:53,691
YOU KNOW WHEN IT'S REAL.
YOU KNOW WHEN A GIRL IS PUTTING
YOU ON.

846
00:24:53,693 --> 00:24:55,626
YOU KNOW WHEN A GIRL IS PUTTING
YOU ON.
DO I NEED TO TAKE MY SHIRT OFF

847
00:24:55,628 --> 00:24:58,562
YOU ON.
DO I NEED TO TAKE MY SHIRT OFF
AND SHOW YOU MY ABS RIGHT NOW?

848
00:24:58,564 --> 00:24:59,396
DO I NEED TO TAKE MY SHIRT OFF
AND SHOW YOU MY ABS RIGHT NOW?
PLEASE SAY NO.

849
00:24:59,398 --> 00:25:01,332
AND SHOW YOU MY ABS RIGHT NOW?
PLEASE SAY NO.
THAT WOULD NOT BE GOOD.

850
00:25:01,334 --> 00:25:05,035
PLEASE SAY NO.
THAT WOULD NOT BE GOOD.
( LAWSHING )

851
00:25:05,037 --> 00:25:06,871
THAT WOULD NOT BE GOOD.
( LAWSHING )
>> IT'S BEEN GREAT WITH TIFFANY.

852
00:25:06,873 --> 00:25:09,106
( LAWSHING )
>> IT'S BEEN GREAT WITH TIFFANY.
SHE'S A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING.

853
00:25:09,108 --> 00:25:11,542
>> IT'S BEEN GREAT WITH TIFFANY.
SHE'S A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING.
SHE'S A TRUE QUEEN AND SHE JUST

854
00:25:11,544 --> 00:25:13,077
SHE'S A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING.
SHE'S A TRUE QUEEN AND SHE JUST
HAS A LOT OF LOVE IN HER HEART

855
00:25:13,079 --> 00:25:14,378
SHE'S A TRUE QUEEN AND SHE JUST
HAS A LOT OF LOVE IN HER HEART
AND I'M OPENING UP AND RECEIVING

856
00:25:14,380 --> 00:25:15,913
HAS A LOT OF LOVE IN HER HEART
AND I'M OPENING UP AND RECEIVING
AND TRYING TO GIVE AS MUCH LOVE

857
00:25:15,915 --> 00:25:17,214
AND I'M OPENING UP AND RECEIVING
AND TRYING TO GIVE AS MUCH LOVE
AS I HAVE IN MY HEART.

858
00:25:17,216 --> 00:25:18,749
AND TRYING TO GIVE AS MUCH LOVE
AS I HAVE IN MY HEART.
YEAH, THE LOVE IT'S LOVE THING--

859
00:25:18,751 --> 00:25:20,084
AS I HAVE IN MY HEART.
YEAH, THE LOVE IT'S LOVE THING--
I WANT TO LIVE IN IT.

860
00:25:20,086 --> 00:25:21,986
YEAH, THE LOVE IT'S LOVE THING--
I WANT TO LIVE IN IT.
I LIKE BEING A PART OF LOVE AND,

861
00:25:21,988 --> 00:25:22,853
I WANT TO LIVE IN IT.
I LIKE BEING A PART OF LOVE AND,
YOU KNOW, EXPRESSING THAT.

862
00:25:22,855 --> 00:25:29,360
I LIKE BEING A PART OF LOVE AND,
YOU KNOW, EXPRESSING THAT.
>> Stephen: NOW, SHE QUITE

863
00:25:29,362 --> 00:25:33,931
YOU KNOW, EXPRESSING THAT.
>> Stephen: NOW, SHE QUITE
FAMOUSLY HERSELF RECENTLY CUT

864
00:25:33,933 --> 00:25:36,133
>> Stephen: NOW, SHE QUITE
FAMOUSLY HERSELF RECENTLY CUT
OFF HER HAIR RIGHT THERE.

865
00:25:36,135 --> 00:25:37,001
FAMOUSLY HERSELF RECENTLY CUT
OFF HER HAIR RIGHT THERE.
IS THAT YOUR INFLUENCE?

866
00:25:37,003 --> 00:25:38,969
OFF HER HAIR RIGHT THERE.
IS THAT YOUR INFLUENCE?
>> I GUESS SHE WAS TRYING TO GET

867
00:25:38,971 --> 00:25:40,170
IS THAT YOUR INFLUENCE?
>> I GUESS SHE WAS TRYING TO GET
AS CLOSE TO ME AS POSSIBLE WITH

868
00:25:40,172 --> 00:25:40,938
>> I GUESS SHE WAS TRYING TO GET
AS CLOSE TO ME AS POSSIBLE WITH
THE BALDY WORK.

869
00:25:40,940 --> 00:25:41,772
AS CLOSE TO ME AS POSSIBLE WITH
THE BALDY WORK.
>> Stephen: DID YOU DO THAT?

870
00:25:41,774 --> 00:25:42,973
THE BALDY WORK.
>> Stephen: DID YOU DO THAT?
DID YOU DO THIS WORK?

871
00:25:42,975 --> 00:25:45,543
>> Stephen: DID YOU DO THAT?
DID YOU DO THIS WORK?
OR DID YOU HAVE SOMEBODY COME IN

872
00:25:45,545 --> 00:25:45,843
DID YOU DO THIS WORK?
OR DID YOU HAVE SOMEBODY COME IN
AND DO THAT?

873
00:25:45,845 --> 00:25:48,879
OR DID YOU HAVE SOMEBODY COME IN
AND DO THAT?
>> OKAY, SHE FIRST CUT HER

874
00:25:48,881 --> 00:25:51,549
AND DO THAT?
>> OKAY, SHE FIRST CUT HER
HAIR-- WE JUST LEFT DAVE

875
00:25:51,551 --> 00:25:53,317
>> OKAY, SHE FIRST CUT HER
HAIR-- WE JUST LEFT DAVE
SHAPELLE'S SUMMER CAMP, AND SHE

876
00:25:53,319 --> 00:25:56,387
HAIR-- WE JUST LEFT DAVE
SHAPELLE'S SUMMER CAMP, AND SHE
WAS FEELING IT AND SHE ALWAYS

877
00:25:56,389 --> 00:25:57,354
SHAPELLE'S SUMMER CAMP, AND SHE
WAS FEELING IT AND SHE ALWAYS
TALKED ABOUT SHE WANTED TO SEE

878
00:25:57,356 --> 00:25:59,456
WAS FEELING IT AND SHE ALWAYS
TALKED ABOUT SHE WANTED TO SEE
HER HEAD AND SHE JUST CUT IT.

879
00:25:59,458 --> 00:26:02,092
TALKED ABOUT SHE WANTED TO SEE
HER HEAD AND SHE JUST CUT IT.
IT WAS A TIME SHE DIDN'T HAVE A

880
00:26:02,094 --> 00:26:03,494
HER HEAD AND SHE JUST CUT IT.
IT WAS A TIME SHE DIDN'T HAVE A
BARBER AROUND AROUND AND SHE WAS

881
00:26:03,496 --> 00:26:06,030
IT WAS A TIME SHE DIDN'T HAVE A
BARBER AROUND AROUND AND SHE WAS
LIKE, "CAN YOU CUT MY HAIR?"

882
00:26:06,032 --> 00:26:07,331
BARBER AROUND AROUND AND SHE WAS
LIKE, "CAN YOU CUT MY HAIR?"
I CUT HER HAIR AND I THAT YOU

883
00:26:07,333 --> 00:26:09,733
LIKE, "CAN YOU CUT MY HAIR?"
I CUT HER HAIR AND I THAT YOU
WANT I WAS DOING A GOOD JOB BUT

884
00:26:09,735 --> 00:26:10,668
I CUT HER HAIR AND I THAT YOU
WANT I WAS DOING A GOOD JOB BUT
SHE HASN'T BEEN BACK SINCE.

885
00:26:10,670 --> 00:26:13,070
WANT I WAS DOING A GOOD JOB BUT
SHE HASN'T BEEN BACK SINCE.
>> Stephen: THAT MUST BE NERVE

886
00:26:13,072 --> 00:26:14,471
SHE HASN'T BEEN BACK SINCE.
>> Stephen: THAT MUST BE NERVE
RACKING TO CUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S

887
00:26:14,473 --> 00:26:14,672
>> Stephen: THAT MUST BE NERVE
RACKING TO CUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S
HAIR.

888
00:26:14,674 --> 00:26:17,942
RACKING TO CUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S
HAIR.
>> YOU WOULD THINK A BALD HEAD

889
00:26:17,944 --> 00:26:20,244
HAIR.
>> YOU WOULD THINK A BALD HEAD
IS EASY TO CUT AND I HAVE

890
00:26:20,246 --> 00:26:22,580
>> YOU WOULD THINK A BALD HEAD
IS EASY TO CUT AND I HAVE
RESPECT FOR ALL THE BARBERS OUT

891
00:26:22,582 --> 00:26:22,813
IS EASY TO CUT AND I HAVE
RESPECT FOR ALL THE BARBERS OUT
THERE.

892
00:26:22,815 --> 00:26:23,847
RESPECT FOR ALL THE BARBERS OUT
THERE.
IT'S A REAL ART FORM.

893
00:26:23,849 --> 00:26:25,215
THERE.
IT'S A REAL ART FORM.
I WAS LEAVING PATCHES AND TRYING

894
00:26:25,217 --> 00:26:27,217
IT'S A REAL ART FORM.
I WAS LEAVING PATCHES AND TRYING
TO FIX IT UP, AND SHE WAS TRYING

895
00:26:27,219 --> 00:26:28,352
I WAS LEAVING PATCHES AND TRYING
TO FIX IT UP, AND SHE WAS TRYING
TO COACH ME THROUGH IT.

896
00:26:28,354 --> 00:26:30,688
TO FIX IT UP, AND SHE WAS TRYING
TO COACH ME THROUGH IT.
LIKE I SAID, SHE HASN'T BEEN

897
00:26:30,690 --> 00:26:31,355
TO COACH ME THROUGH IT.
LIKE I SAID, SHE HASN'T BEEN
BACK SINCE.

898
00:26:31,357 --> 00:26:33,591
LIKE I SAID, SHE HASN'T BEEN
BACK SINCE.
BUT SHE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL WITH HER

899
00:26:33,593 --> 00:26:34,224
BACK SINCE.
BUT SHE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL WITH HER
HAIR LIKE THAT.

900
00:26:34,226 --> 00:26:35,292
BUT SHE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL WITH HER
HAIR LIKE THAT.
>> Stephen: SHE DOES.

901
00:26:35,294 --> 00:26:37,027
HAIR LIKE THAT.
>> Stephen: SHE DOES.
IT'S A REALLY GOOD LOOK.

902
00:26:37,029 --> 00:26:39,730
>> Stephen: SHE DOES.
IT'S A REALLY GOOD LOOK.
I GUESS THERE'S VERY LITTLE

903
00:26:39,732 --> 00:26:42,066
IT'S A REALLY GOOD LOOK.
I GUESS THERE'S VERY LITTLE
MARGIN FOR WHEN YOU'RE WORKING

904
00:26:42,068 --> 00:26:43,334
I GUESS THERE'S VERY LITTLE
MARGIN FOR WHEN YOU'RE WORKING
WITH THAT MATERIAL AT THAT

905
00:26:43,336 --> 00:26:43,534
MARGIN FOR WHEN YOU'RE WORKING
WITH THAT MATERIAL AT THAT
POINT.

906
00:26:43,536 --> 00:26:44,935
WITH THAT MATERIAL AT THAT
POINT.
>> YOU CAN LEAVE GASHES IN

907
00:26:44,937 --> 00:26:45,369
POINT.
>> YOU CAN LEAVE GASHES IN
PEOPLE'S HEAD.

908
00:26:45,371 --> 00:26:48,739
>> YOU CAN LEAVE GASHES IN
PEOPLE'S HEAD.
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN GET PEOPLE'S

909
00:26:48,741 --> 00:26:49,206
PEOPLE'S HEAD.
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN GET PEOPLE'S
HEAD TO BLEED.

910
00:26:49,208 --> 00:26:51,008
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN GET PEOPLE'S
HEAD TO BLEED.
SO YOU ACTUALLY DO WANT TO BE

911
00:26:51,010 --> 00:26:51,942
HEAD TO BLEED.
SO YOU ACTUALLY DO WANT TO BE
VERY CAREFUL.

912
00:26:51,944 --> 00:26:53,844
SO YOU ACTUALLY DO WANT TO BE
VERY CAREFUL.
AND YOU'RE DEALING WITH A RAZOR

913
00:26:53,846 --> 00:26:55,546
VERY CAREFUL.
AND YOU'RE DEALING WITH A RAZOR
AT A CERTAIN POINT.

914
00:26:55,548 --> 00:26:57,648
AND YOU'RE DEALING WITH A RAZOR
AT A CERTAIN POINT.
I'M A FIRST-TIME BARBER SO IT

915
00:26:57,650 --> 00:27:00,217
AT A CERTAIN POINT.
I'M A FIRST-TIME BARBER SO IT
WASN'T THE BEST SITUATION, BUT I

916
00:27:00,219 --> 00:27:01,151
I'M A FIRST-TIME BARBER SO IT
WASN'T THE BEST SITUATION, BUT I
DID IT WITH LOVE.

917
00:27:01,153 --> 00:27:02,586
WASN'T THE BEST SITUATION, BUT I
DID IT WITH LOVE.
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU

918
00:27:02,588 --> 00:27:05,356
DID IT WITH LOVE.
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU
GUYS WERE FRIENDS FIRST BEFORE

919
00:27:05,358 --> 00:27:08,592
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU
GUYS WERE FRIENDS FIRST BEFORE
YOU FILL IN LOVE USO SORT OF A

920
00:27:08,594 --> 00:27:10,461
GUYS WERE FRIENDS FIRST BEFORE
YOU FILL IN LOVE USO SORT OF A
"HARRY MET SALLY" SITUATION.

921
00:27:10,463 --> 00:27:12,229
YOU FILL IN LOVE USO SORT OF A
"HARRY MET SALLY" SITUATION.
WHAT DID YOU NOTICE ABOUT HER

922
00:27:12,231 --> 00:27:12,730
"HARRY MET SALLY" SITUATION.
WHAT DID YOU NOTICE ABOUT HER
THE FIRST TIME YOU MET?

923
00:27:12,732 --> 00:27:14,965
WHAT DID YOU NOTICE ABOUT HER
THE FIRST TIME YOU MET?
>> THE FIRST TIME WE MET WAS AT

924
00:27:14,967 --> 00:27:17,167
THE FIRST TIME YOU MET?
>> THE FIRST TIME WE MET WAS AT
AN OSCAR PARTY I WAS HOSTING AND

925
00:27:17,169 --> 00:27:18,869
>> THE FIRST TIME WE MET WAS AT
AN OSCAR PARTY I WAS HOSTING AND
SHE SAT AT A TABLE WITH ME AND

926
00:27:18,871 --> 00:27:20,371
AN OSCAR PARTY I WAS HOSTING AND
SHE SAT AT A TABLE WITH ME AND
MY MOM AND MY STEPDAD, AND SHE

927
00:27:20,373 --> 00:27:22,640
SHE SAT AT A TABLE WITH ME AND
MY MOM AND MY STEPDAD, AND SHE
WAS REALLY-- SHE WAS A LOT MORE

928
00:27:22,642 --> 00:27:23,774
MY MOM AND MY STEPDAD, AND SHE
WAS REALLY-- SHE WAS A LOT MORE
CHILL THAN, YOU KNOW, THE

929
00:27:23,776 --> 00:27:25,909
WAS REALLY-- SHE WAS A LOT MORE
CHILL THAN, YOU KNOW, THE
TIFFANY HADDISH THAT YOU SEE,

930
00:27:25,911 --> 00:27:26,343
CHILL THAN, YOU KNOW, THE
TIFFANY HADDISH THAT YOU SEE,
LIKE EVERYWHERE.

931
00:27:26,345 --> 00:27:27,978
TIFFANY HADDISH THAT YOU SEE,
LIKE EVERYWHERE.
YOU KNOW HER ENERGY.

932
00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:28,779
LIKE EVERYWHERE.
YOU KNOW HER ENERGY.
YOU'VE BEEN AROUND IT.

933
00:27:28,781 --> 00:27:29,380
YOU KNOW HER ENERGY.
YOU'VE BEEN AROUND IT.
>> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY.

934
00:27:29,382 --> 00:27:31,015
YOU'VE BEEN AROUND IT.
>> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY.
>> SHE WAS PRETTY QUIET, TAKING

935
00:27:31,017 --> 00:27:31,649
>> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY.
>> SHE WAS PRETTY QUIET, TAKING
THINGS IN.

936
00:27:31,651 --> 00:27:33,217
>> SHE WAS PRETTY QUIET, TAKING
THINGS IN.
SO I WAS REALLY SURPRISED.

937
00:27:33,219 --> 00:27:34,184
THINGS IN.
SO I WAS REALLY SURPRISED.
I KNEW SHE LOOKED BEAUTIFUL.

938
00:27:34,186 --> 00:27:35,452
SO I WAS REALLY SURPRISED.
I KNEW SHE LOOKED BEAUTIFUL.
AND I DIDN'T, YOU KNOW, ATTEMPT

939
00:27:35,454 --> 00:27:38,088
I KNEW SHE LOOKED BEAUTIFUL.
AND I DIDN'T, YOU KNOW, ATTEMPT
TO DATE OR AT THAT TIME.

940
00:27:38,090 --> 00:27:40,457
AND I DIDN'T, YOU KNOW, ATTEMPT
TO DATE OR AT THAT TIME.
I WAS JUST GLAD TO BE HER

941
00:27:40,459 --> 00:27:40,691
TO DATE OR AT THAT TIME.
I WAS JUST GLAD TO BE HER
FRIEND.

942
00:27:40,693 --> 00:27:41,625
I WAS JUST GLAD TO BE HER
FRIEND.
BUT I REALIZED SHE'S NOT AS

943
00:27:41,627 --> 00:27:43,327
FRIEND.
BUT I REALIZED SHE'S NOT AS
CHILL AS SHE APPEARED THAT DAY

944
00:27:43,329 --> 00:27:45,529
BUT I REALIZED SHE'S NOT AS
CHILL AS SHE APPEARED THAT DAY
PUP KNOW, SHE'S-- SHE HAS A LOT

945
00:27:45,531 --> 00:27:45,829
CHILL AS SHE APPEARED THAT DAY
PUP KNOW, SHE'S-- SHE HAS A LOT
OF ENERGY.

946
00:27:45,831 --> 00:27:47,331
PUP KNOW, SHE'S-- SHE HAS A LOT
OF ENERGY.
>> Stephen: IS THIS THE OSCARS

947
00:27:47,333 --> 00:27:49,566
OF ENERGY.
>> Stephen: IS THIS THE OSCARS
WHERE YOU WON YOUR ACADEMY

948
00:27:49,568 --> 00:27:49,767
>> Stephen: IS THIS THE OSCARS
WHERE YOU WON YOUR ACADEMY
AWARD?

949
00:27:49,769 --> 00:27:51,402
WHERE YOU WON YOUR ACADEMY
AWARD?
>> NO, THIS WAS, LIKE, MAYBE A

950
00:27:51,404 --> 00:27:53,904
AWARD?
>> NO, THIS WAS, LIKE, MAYBE A
YEAR-- TWO YEARS LATER.

951
00:27:53,906 --> 00:27:56,473
>> NO, THIS WAS, LIKE, MAYBE A
YEAR-- TWO YEARS LATER.
RIGHT DURING THE YEAR AFTER HER

952
00:27:56,475 --> 00:27:59,176
YEAR-- TWO YEARS LATER.
RIGHT DURING THE YEAR AFTER HER
FILM "GIRL TRIPPING" CAME OUT.

953
00:27:59,178 --> 00:28:01,078
RIGHT DURING THE YEAR AFTER HER
FILM "GIRL TRIPPING" CAME OUT.
WE INVITED DIFFERENT ARTISTS.

954
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:02,379
FILM "GIRL TRIPPING" CAME OUT.
WE INVITED DIFFERENT ARTISTS.
WE CELEBRATE SO MANY PEOPLE AT

955
00:28:02,381 --> 00:28:03,514
WE INVITED DIFFERENT ARTISTS.
WE CELEBRATE SO MANY PEOPLE AT
THIS EVENT WE HAVE.

956
00:28:03,516 --> 00:28:03,847
WE CELEBRATE SO MANY PEOPLE AT
THIS EVENT WE HAVE.
SHE CAME OUT.

957
00:28:03,849 --> 00:28:04,782
THIS EVENT WE HAVE.
SHE CAME OUT.
IT WAS FUN.

958
00:28:04,784 --> 00:28:06,617
SHE CAME OUT.
IT WAS FUN.
AND THEN WE WORKED ON A FILM

959
00:28:06,619 --> 00:28:07,885
IT WAS FUN.
AND THEN WE WORKED ON A FILM
FROM THERE TOGETHER AND WE STILL

960
00:28:07,887 --> 00:28:08,485
AND THEN WE WORKED ON A FILM
FROM THERE TOGETHER AND WE STILL
WERE FRIENDS.

961
00:28:08,487 --> 00:28:10,521
FROM THERE TOGETHER AND WE STILL
WERE FRIENDS.
I ACTUALLY TRIED TO SHOOT MY

962
00:28:10,523 --> 00:28:12,823
WERE FRIENDS.
I ACTUALLY TRIED TO SHOOT MY
SHOT THEN, AND SHE WAS LIKE,

963
00:28:12,825 --> 00:28:13,023
I ACTUALLY TRIED TO SHOOT MY
SHOT THEN, AND SHE WAS LIKE,
"NO."

964
00:28:13,025 --> 00:28:14,858
SHOT THEN, AND SHE WAS LIKE,
"NO."
SO WE JUST CONTINUED BEING

965
00:28:14,860 --> 00:28:15,526
"NO."
SO WE JUST CONTINUED BEING
FRIENDS.

966
00:28:15,528 --> 00:28:16,927
SO WE JUST CONTINUED BEING
FRIENDS.
AND AT SOME POINT THINGS

967
00:28:16,929 --> 00:28:17,161
FRIENDS.
AND AT SOME POINT THINGS
SHIFTED.

968
00:28:17,163 --> 00:28:18,128
AND AT SOME POINT THINGS
SHIFTED.
>> Stephen: YOU TRIED TO SHOOT

969
00:28:18,130 --> 00:28:18,862
SHIFTED.
>> Stephen: YOU TRIED TO SHOOT
YOUR SHOT AND YOU GOT SHOT DOWN?

970
00:28:18,864 --> 00:28:22,299
>> Stephen: YOU TRIED TO SHOOT
YOUR SHOT AND YOU GOT SHOT DOWN?
>> YES, I GOT SHOT DOWN, BEING

971
00:28:22,301 --> 00:28:22,533
YOUR SHOT AND YOU GOT SHOT DOWN?
>> YES, I GOT SHOT DOWN, BEING
HONEST.

972
00:28:22,535 --> 00:28:22,966
>> YES, I GOT SHOT DOWN, BEING
HONEST.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.

973
00:28:22,968 --> 00:28:25,069
HONEST.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE TELLING

974
00:28:25,071 --> 00:28:27,771
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE TELLING
ME-- YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS!

975
00:28:27,773 --> 00:28:28,672
>> Stephen: YOU'RE TELLING
ME-- YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS!
THIS GOT SHOT DOWN?

976
00:28:28,674 --> 00:28:32,042
ME-- YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS!
THIS GOT SHOT DOWN?
>> YEAH, SHE HAD EYES ON OTHER

977
00:28:32,044 --> 00:28:32,276
THIS GOT SHOT DOWN?
>> YEAH, SHE HAD EYES ON OTHER
PEOPLE.

978
00:28:32,278 --> 00:28:33,277
>> YEAH, SHE HAD EYES ON OTHER
PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: HE HAS HIGH

979
00:28:33,279 --> 00:28:33,744
PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: HE HAS HIGH
STANDARDS.

980
00:28:33,746 --> 00:28:37,581
>> Stephen: HE HAS HIGH
STANDARDS.
SHE HAS VERY HIGH STANDARDS.

981
00:28:37,583 --> 00:28:41,151
STANDARDS.
SHE HAS VERY HIGH STANDARDS.
AS AN ARTIST, YOU WEAR A LOT OF

982
00:28:41,153 --> 00:28:41,385
SHE HAS VERY HIGH STANDARDS.
AS AN ARTIST, YOU WEAR A LOT OF
HATS.

983
00:28:41,387 --> 00:28:44,521
AS AN ARTIST, YOU WEAR A LOT OF
HATS.
YOU'RE AN AUTHOR, YOU'RE AN

984
00:28:44,523 --> 00:28:45,355
HATS.
YOU'RE AN AUTHOR, YOU'RE AN
ACTOR, YOU'RE A PRODUCER, YOU'RE

985
00:28:45,357 --> 00:28:47,124
YOU'RE AN AUTHOR, YOU'RE AN
ACTOR, YOU'RE A PRODUCER, YOU'RE
A MUSICIAN.

986
00:28:47,126 --> 00:28:50,327
ACTOR, YOU'RE A PRODUCER, YOU'RE
A MUSICIAN.
YOU QUOTED NINA SIMONE SAYING AN

987
00:28:50,329 --> 00:28:52,196
A MUSICIAN.
YOU QUOTED NINA SIMONE SAYING AN
ARTIST'S DUTY, AS FAR AS I'M

988
00:28:52,198 --> 00:28:56,233
YOU QUOTED NINA SIMONE SAYING AN
ARTIST'S DUTY, AS FAR AS I'M
CONCERNED, IS TO REFLECT THE

989
00:28:56,235 --> 00:28:56,467
ARTIST'S DUTY, AS FAR AS I'M
CONCERNED, IS TO REFLECT THE
TIMES.

990
00:28:56,469 --> 00:28:58,969
CONCERNED, IS TO REFLECT THE
TIMES.
HOW TODAY DO YOU DEFINE AN

991
00:28:58,971 --> 00:28:59,536
TIMES.
HOW TODAY DO YOU DEFINE AN
ARTIST'S DUTY?

992
00:28:59,538 --> 00:29:02,272
HOW TODAY DO YOU DEFINE AN
ARTIST'S DUTY?
>> I LOVE THAT NINA SIMONE

993
00:29:02,274 --> 00:29:02,473
ARTIST'S DUTY?
>> I LOVE THAT NINA SIMONE
QUOTE.

994
00:29:02,475 --> 00:29:04,341
>> I LOVE THAT NINA SIMONE
QUOTE.
AND I FEEL LIKE AN ARTIST'S DUTY

995
00:29:04,343 --> 00:29:07,511
QUOTE.
AND I FEEL LIKE AN ARTIST'S DUTY
IS TO BE AS TRUTHFUL AS

996
00:29:07,513 --> 00:29:09,079
AND I FEEL LIKE AN ARTIST'S DUTY
IS TO BE AS TRUTHFUL AS
POSSIBLE, USE THEIR IMAGINATION

997
00:29:09,081 --> 00:29:11,215
IS TO BE AS TRUTHFUL AS
POSSIBLE, USE THEIR IMAGINATION
AND USE YOUR CREATIVITY TO

998
00:29:11,217 --> 00:29:15,319
POSSIBLE, USE THEIR IMAGINATION
AND USE YOUR CREATIVITY TO
INSPIRE AND TO UPLIFT OTHERS

999
00:29:15,321 --> 00:29:17,287
AND USE YOUR CREATIVITY TO
INSPIRE AND TO UPLIFT OTHERS
FROM THE MOST HONEST AND

1000
00:29:17,289 --> 00:29:17,821
INSPIRE AND TO UPLIFT OTHERS
FROM THE MOST HONEST AND
CREATIVE PLACE.

1001
00:29:17,823 --> 00:29:20,224
FROM THE MOST HONEST AND
CREATIVE PLACE.
AND TO DO IT WITH A HEART AND

1002
00:29:20,226 --> 00:29:22,192
CREATIVE PLACE.
AND TO DO IT WITH A HEART AND
MIND OF BRINGING PEOPLE

1003
00:29:22,194 --> 00:29:22,459
AND TO DO IT WITH A HEART AND
MIND OF BRINGING PEOPLE
TOGETHER.

1004
00:29:22,461 --> 00:29:24,495
MIND OF BRINGING PEOPLE
TOGETHER.
THAT'S WHAT AN ARTIST'S DUTY IS.

1005
00:29:24,497 --> 00:29:25,662
TOGETHER.
THAT'S WHAT AN ARTIST'S DUTY IS.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A

1006
00:29:25,664 --> 00:29:26,964
THAT'S WHAT AN ARTIST'S DUTY IS.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK, BUT STICK AROUND.

1007
00:29:26,966 --> 00:29:29,299
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK, BUT STICK AROUND.
WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'LL TALK

1008
00:29:29,301 --> 00:29:31,001
QUICK BREAK, BUT STICK AROUND.
WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'LL TALK
ABOUT COMMON'S NEW PODCAST AND

1009
00:29:31,003 --> 00:29:32,770
WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'LL TALK
ABOUT COMMON'S NEW PODCAST AND
THE ONE QUESTION HE ALWAYS WANTS

1010
00:29:32,772 --> 00:29:35,606
ABOUT COMMON'S NEW PODCAST AND
THE ONE QUESTION HE ALWAYS WANTS
TO ASK HIS GUESTS.

1011
00:29:43,181 --> 00:29:47,451
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE BACK WITH MUSICIAN,

1012
00:29:47,453 --> 00:29:50,988
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE BACK WITH MUSICIAN,
AUTHOR, ACTOR, PRODUCER, AND

1013
00:29:50,990 --> 00:29:52,689
WE'RE BACK WITH MUSICIAN,
AUTHOR, ACTOR, PRODUCER, AND
SEXIEST MAN WHO IS MY GUEST

1014
00:29:52,691 --> 00:29:54,725
AUTHOR, ACTOR, PRODUCER, AND
SEXIEST MAN WHO IS MY GUEST
RIGHT NOW, COMMON.

1015
00:29:54,727 --> 00:29:57,094
SEXIEST MAN WHO IS MY GUEST
RIGHT NOW, COMMON.
IN OCTOBER, YOU RELEASED A NEW

1016
00:29:57,096 --> 00:29:57,661
RIGHT NOW, COMMON.
IN OCTOBER, YOU RELEASED A NEW
ALBUM RIGHT HERE.

1017
00:29:57,663 --> 00:30:01,231
IN OCTOBER, YOU RELEASED A NEW
ALBUM RIGHT HERE.
>> YEAH.

1018
00:30:01,233 --> 00:30:03,167
ALBUM RIGHT HERE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: "A BEAUTIFUL

1019
00:30:03,169 --> 00:30:04,201
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: "A BEAUTIFUL
REVOLUTION PART 1".

1020
00:30:04,203 --> 00:30:06,270
>> Stephen: "A BEAUTIFUL
REVOLUTION PART 1".
THIS IS YOUR 13th ALBUM?

1021
00:30:06,272 --> 00:30:07,070
REVOLUTION PART 1".
THIS IS YOUR 13th ALBUM?
DO I HAVE THAT RIGHT?

1022
00:30:07,072 --> 00:30:08,705
THIS IS YOUR 13th ALBUM?
DO I HAVE THAT RIGHT?
>> YEAH, 13th.

1023
00:30:08,707 --> 00:30:09,773
DO I HAVE THAT RIGHT?
>> YEAH, 13th.
THAT'S A GOOD NUMBER.

1024
00:30:09,775 --> 00:30:10,541
>> YEAH, 13th.
THAT'S A GOOD NUMBER.
>> Stephen: HOW LONG DOES IT

1025
00:30:10,543 --> 00:30:12,376
THAT'S A GOOD NUMBER.
>> Stephen: HOW LONG DOES IT
TAKE YOU TO MAKE AN ALBUM?

1026
00:30:12,378 --> 00:30:16,313
>> Stephen: HOW LONG DOES IT
TAKE YOU TO MAKE AN ALBUM?
>> THIS ALBUM, IT TOOK ME ABOUT

1027
00:30:16,315 --> 00:30:19,449
TAKE YOU TO MAKE AN ALBUM?
>> THIS ALBUM, IT TOOK ME ABOUT
A MONTH AND A HALF BECAUSE I WAS

1028
00:30:19,451 --> 00:30:20,017
>> THIS ALBUM, IT TOOK ME ABOUT
A MONTH AND A HALF BECAUSE I WAS
REALLY INSPIRED.

1029
00:30:20,019 --> 00:30:22,619
A MONTH AND A HALF BECAUSE I WAS
REALLY INSPIRED.
I WAS LOOKING AT ALL THE

1030
00:30:22,621 --> 00:30:24,087
REALLY INSPIRED.
I WAS LOOKING AT ALL THE
SITUATIONS THAT WAS GOING ON

1031
00:30:24,089 --> 00:30:24,488
I WAS LOOKING AT ALL THE
SITUATIONS THAT WAS GOING ON
OVER THE SUMMER.

1032
00:30:24,490 --> 00:30:26,590
SITUATIONS THAT WAS GOING ON
OVER THE SUMMER.
I DIDN'T-- I WASN'T THINKING

1033
00:30:26,592 --> 00:30:28,392
OVER THE SUMMER.
I DIDN'T-- I WASN'T THINKING
ABOUT MAKING AN ALBUM, AND IT

1034
00:30:28,394 --> 00:30:31,762
I DIDN'T-- I WASN'T THINKING
ABOUT MAKING AN ALBUM, AND IT
JUST CLICKED IN ONE DAY, LIKE,

1035
00:30:31,764 --> 00:30:33,463
ABOUT MAKING AN ALBUM, AND IT
JUST CLICKED IN ONE DAY, LIKE,
IT JUST WAS ON MY HEART TO SAY

1036
00:30:33,465 --> 00:30:34,364
JUST CLICKED IN ONE DAY, LIKE,
IT JUST WAS ON MY HEART TO SAY
SOMETHING AND TO SAY SOMETHING

1037
00:30:34,366 --> 00:30:35,966
IT JUST WAS ON MY HEART TO SAY
SOMETHING AND TO SAY SOMETHING
THAT WAS-- TO CREATE SOMETHING

1038
00:30:35,968 --> 00:30:37,134
SOMETHING AND TO SAY SOMETHING
THAT WAS-- TO CREATE SOMETHING
THAT WOULD BE INSPIRING.

1039
00:30:37,136 --> 00:30:39,169
THAT WAS-- TO CREATE SOMETHING
THAT WOULD BE INSPIRING.
I ALWAYS THINK OF MOVEMENT MUSIC

1040
00:30:39,171 --> 00:30:40,671
THAT WOULD BE INSPIRING.
I ALWAYS THINK OF MOVEMENT MUSIC
AS SOMETHING THAT HAS AN URGENCY

1041
00:30:40,673 --> 00:30:42,940
I ALWAYS THINK OF MOVEMENT MUSIC
AS SOMETHING THAT HAS AN URGENCY
TO IT, BUT IT GIVES YOU A CHARGE

1042
00:30:42,942 --> 00:30:44,942
AS SOMETHING THAT HAS AN URGENCY
TO IT, BUT IT GIVES YOU A CHARGE
TO BE BETTER.

1043
00:30:44,944 --> 00:30:47,411
TO IT, BUT IT GIVES YOU A CHARGE
TO BE BETTER.
IT CAN TAKE THE ANGER, IT CAN

1044
00:30:47,413 --> 00:30:48,946
TO BE BETTER.
IT CAN TAKE THE ANGER, IT CAN
TAKE THE PAIN AND CREATE

1045
00:30:48,948 --> 00:30:49,913
IT CAN TAKE THE ANGER, IT CAN
TAKE THE PAIN AND CREATE
SOMETHING INSPIRING.

1046
00:30:49,915 --> 00:30:50,914
TAKE THE PAIN AND CREATE
SOMETHING INSPIRING.
AND THAT'S WHAT I WANTED THE

1047
00:30:50,916 --> 00:30:51,381
SOMETHING INSPIRING.
AND THAT'S WHAT I WANTED THE
MUSIC TO DO.

1048
00:30:51,383 --> 00:30:53,050
AND THAT'S WHAT I WANTED THE
MUSIC TO DO.
I STARTED IN MID-AUGUST.

1049
00:30:53,052 --> 00:30:54,551
MUSIC TO DO.
I STARTED IN MID-AUGUST.
I FINISHED THE ALBUM THE

1050
00:30:54,553 --> 00:30:55,986
I STARTED IN MID-AUGUST.
I FINISHED THE ALBUM THE
BEGINNING OF OCTOBER AND IT CAME

1051
00:30:55,988 --> 00:30:56,687
I FINISHED THE ALBUM THE
BEGINNING OF OCTOBER AND IT CAME
OUT OCTOBER 30.

1052
00:30:56,689 --> 00:30:58,522
BEGINNING OF OCTOBER AND IT CAME
OUT OCTOBER 30.
I WANTED IT RIGHT BEFORE THE

1053
00:30:58,524 --> 00:30:58,789
OUT OCTOBER 30.
I WANTED IT RIGHT BEFORE THE
ELECTION.

1054
00:30:58,791 --> 00:30:59,890
I WANTED IT RIGHT BEFORE THE
ELECTION.
I WAS ENCOURAGED BY ALL THAT WAS

1055
00:30:59,892 --> 00:31:00,157
ELECTION.
I WAS ENCOURAGED BY ALL THAT WAS
GOING ON.

1056
00:31:00,159 --> 00:31:01,091
I WAS ENCOURAGED BY ALL THAT WAS
GOING ON.
>> Stephen: HOW DO YOU KNOW

1057
00:31:01,093 --> 00:31:03,193
GOING ON.
>> Stephen: HOW DO YOU KNOW
WHEN AN ALBUM IS DONE?

1058
00:31:03,195 --> 00:31:04,895
>> Stephen: HOW DO YOU KNOW
WHEN AN ALBUM IS DONE?
LIKE, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,

1059
00:31:04,897 --> 00:31:06,296
WHEN AN ALBUM IS DONE?
LIKE, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
ESPECIALLY NOW IN THE DIGITAL

1060
00:31:06,298 --> 00:31:07,698
LIKE, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
ESPECIALLY NOW IN THE DIGITAL
FORMAT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY

1061
00:31:07,700 --> 00:31:09,166
ESPECIALLY NOW IN THE DIGITAL
FORMAT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT FITTING IT ON EITHER SIDE

1062
00:31:09,168 --> 00:31:11,335
FORMAT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT FITTING IT ON EITHER SIDE
OF A DISK, LIKE WHEN WE WERE

1063
00:31:11,337 --> 00:31:11,535
ABOUT FITTING IT ON EITHER SIDE
OF A DISK, LIKE WHEN WE WERE
KIDS.

1064
00:31:11,537 --> 00:31:12,836
OF A DISK, LIKE WHEN WE WERE
KIDS.
HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN THAT'S IT?

1065
00:31:12,838 --> 00:31:15,205
KIDS.
HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN THAT'S IT?
>> WELL, I HAVE TO FEEL LIKE THE

1066
00:31:15,207 --> 00:31:17,674
HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN THAT'S IT?
>> WELL, I HAVE TO FEEL LIKE THE
ALBUM IS DONE WHEN I HAVE ENOUGH

1067
00:31:17,676 --> 00:31:21,044
>> WELL, I HAVE TO FEEL LIKE THE
ALBUM IS DONE WHEN I HAVE ENOUGH
SONGS THAT ARE-- I WANT ALL THE

1068
00:31:21,046 --> 00:31:22,479
ALBUM IS DONE WHEN I HAVE ENOUGH
SONGS THAT ARE-- I WANT ALL THE
SONGS TO FEEL LIKE THESE ARE

1069
00:31:22,481 --> 00:31:24,815
SONGS THAT ARE-- I WANT ALL THE
SONGS TO FEEL LIKE THESE ARE
GREAT SONGS, BUT THEY ALSO SHOW

1070
00:31:24,817 --> 00:31:25,816
SONGS TO FEEL LIKE THESE ARE
GREAT SONGS, BUT THEY ALSO SHOW
DIFFERENT ASPECTS OF WHAT THE

1071
00:31:25,818 --> 00:31:28,352
GREAT SONGS, BUT THEY ALSO SHOW
DIFFERENT ASPECTS OF WHAT THE
ALBUM IS, DIFFERENT COLORS, AS I

1072
00:31:28,354 --> 00:31:29,586
DIFFERENT ASPECTS OF WHAT THE
ALBUM IS, DIFFERENT COLORS, AS I
WOULD SAY.

1073
00:31:29,588 --> 00:31:31,421
ALBUM IS, DIFFERENT COLORS, AS I
WOULD SAY.
MEANING, YOU KNOW, STEPHEN WE

1074
00:31:31,423 --> 00:31:32,189
WOULD SAY.
MEANING, YOU KNOW, STEPHEN WE
FEEL DIFFERENT THINGS THROUGHOUT

1075
00:31:32,191 --> 00:31:33,023
MEANING, YOU KNOW, STEPHEN WE
FEEL DIFFERENT THINGS THROUGHOUT
THE DAY.

1076
00:31:33,025 --> 00:31:34,391
FEEL DIFFERENT THINGS THROUGHOUT
THE DAY.
SOMETIMES YOU FEEL ANGER.

1077
00:31:34,393 --> 00:31:36,226
THE DAY.
SOMETIMES YOU FEEL ANGER.
SOMETIMES YOU FEEL JOY.

1078
00:31:36,228 --> 00:31:37,327
SOMETIMES YOU FEEL ANGER.
SOMETIMES YOU FEEL JOY.
SOMETIMES YOU'RE FOOLING LOVE.

1079
00:31:37,329 --> 00:31:40,430
SOMETIMES YOU FEEL JOY.
SOMETIMES YOU'RE FOOLING LOVE.
I WANT THE ALBUM TO HAVE THOSE

1080
00:31:40,432 --> 00:31:41,698
SOMETIMES YOU'RE FOOLING LOVE.
I WANT THE ALBUM TO HAVE THOSE
TYPE OF ENERGY AND EMOTION AND

1081
00:31:41,700 --> 00:31:42,099
I WANT THE ALBUM TO HAVE THOSE
TYPE OF ENERGY AND EMOTION AND
COLOR TO IT.

1082
00:31:42,101 --> 00:31:43,634
TYPE OF ENERGY AND EMOTION AND
COLOR TO IT.
ONCE I HAVE THAT ROUNDNESS OF

1083
00:31:43,636 --> 00:31:46,069
COLOR TO IT.
ONCE I HAVE THAT ROUNDNESS OF
WHAT I FEEL LIKE WHERE I AM AS A

1084
00:31:46,071 --> 00:31:48,772
ONCE I HAVE THAT ROUNDNESS OF
WHAT I FEEL LIKE WHERE I AM AS A
HUMAN BEING AND THE SONGS SOUND

1085
00:31:48,774 --> 00:31:50,374
WHAT I FEEL LIKE WHERE I AM AS A
HUMAN BEING AND THE SONGS SOUND
LIKE STELLAR, THEN I KNOW I'VE

1086
00:31:50,376 --> 00:31:51,775
HUMAN BEING AND THE SONGS SOUND
LIKE STELLAR, THEN I KNOW I'VE
GOT A GREAT ALBUM AND I DO MY

1087
00:31:51,777 --> 00:31:53,810
LIKE STELLAR, THEN I KNOW I'VE
GOT A GREAT ALBUM AND I DO MY
BEST TO PUT THAT TOGETHER.

1088
00:31:53,812 --> 00:31:55,279
GOT A GREAT ALBUM AND I DO MY
BEST TO PUT THAT TOGETHER.
MIND YOU, YOU KNOW, A FEW MONTHS

1089
00:31:55,281 --> 00:31:56,680
BEST TO PUT THAT TOGETHER.
MIND YOU, YOU KNOW, A FEW MONTHS
LATER, SOMETIMES YOU LISTEN AND

1090
00:31:56,682 --> 00:31:57,848
MIND YOU, YOU KNOW, A FEW MONTHS
LATER, SOMETIMES YOU LISTEN AND
YOU WILL BE LIKE, OH, I SHOULD

1091
00:31:57,850 --> 00:31:59,316
LATER, SOMETIMES YOU LISTEN AND
YOU WILL BE LIKE, OH, I SHOULD
HAVE DID THIS AND DID THAT."

1092
00:31:59,318 --> 00:32:02,452
YOU WILL BE LIKE, OH, I SHOULD
HAVE DID THIS AND DID THAT."
BUT I'M REALLY GRATEFUL AND

1093
00:32:02,454 --> 00:32:04,021
HAVE DID THIS AND DID THAT."
BUT I'M REALLY GRATEFUL AND
HAPPY ABOUT THIS "REVOLUTION

1094
00:32:04,023 --> 00:32:05,756
BUT I'M REALLY GRATEFUL AND
HAPPY ABOUT THIS "REVOLUTION
PART 1".

1095
00:32:05,758 --> 00:32:07,758
HAPPY ABOUT THIS "REVOLUTION
PART 1".
>> Stephen: AS IF YOU WEREN'T

1096
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:09,059
PART 1".
>> Stephen: AS IF YOU WEREN'T
BUSY ENOUGH YOU HAVE ALSO

1097
00:32:09,061 --> 00:32:10,294
>> Stephen: AS IF YOU WEREN'T
BUSY ENOUGH YOU HAVE ALSO
STARTED A PODCAST.

1098
00:32:10,296 --> 00:32:14,398
BUSY ENOUGH YOU HAVE ALSO
STARTED A PODCAST.
PUT THAT UP, JIMMY.

1099
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:15,399
STARTED A PODCAST.
PUT THAT UP, JIMMY.
THE "MIND POWER MIXTAPE."

1100
00:32:15,401 --> 00:32:16,967
PUT THAT UP, JIMMY.
THE "MIND POWER MIXTAPE."
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?

1101
00:32:16,969 --> 00:32:18,402
THE "MIND POWER MIXTAPE."
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
BECAUSE THE PROMO PHOTO LOOKS

1102
00:32:18,404 --> 00:32:19,436
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
BECAUSE THE PROMO PHOTO LOOKS
VERY, VERY RELAXED.

1103
00:32:19,438 --> 00:32:21,204
BECAUSE THE PROMO PHOTO LOOKS
VERY, VERY RELAXED.
CAN YOU PUT THAT UP AGAIN,

1104
00:32:21,206 --> 00:32:21,405
VERY, VERY RELAXED.
CAN YOU PUT THAT UP AGAIN,
JIMMY?

1105
00:32:21,407 --> 00:32:24,708
CAN YOU PUT THAT UP AGAIN,
JIMMY?
THERE YOU ARE JUST CHILLING ON

1106
00:32:24,710 --> 00:32:26,743
JIMMY?
THERE YOU ARE JUST CHILLING ON
THE FLOOR WITH YOUR FRIENDS,

1107
00:32:26,745 --> 00:32:31,915
THERE YOU ARE JUST CHILLING ON
THE FLOOR WITH YOUR FRIENDS,
WITH SOME ELASTIC-ANKLED PANTS

1108
00:32:31,917 --> 00:32:34,084
THE FLOOR WITH YOUR FRIENDS,
WITH SOME ELASTIC-ANKLED PANTS
VERY CLOSE TO SWEAT PANTS.

1109
00:32:34,086 --> 00:32:37,921
WITH SOME ELASTIC-ANKLED PANTS
VERY CLOSE TO SWEAT PANTS.
THIS IS A PODCAST FOR THE

1110
00:32:37,923 --> 00:32:38,956
VERY CLOSE TO SWEAT PANTS.
THIS IS A PODCAST FOR THE
CORONAVIRUS TIMES.

1111
00:32:38,958 --> 00:32:40,424
THIS IS A PODCAST FOR THE
CORONAVIRUS TIMES.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH THE

1112
00:32:40,426 --> 00:32:42,693
CORONAVIRUS TIMES.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH THE
PODCAST GIMEAN, YOU COULD CHILL

1113
00:32:42,695 --> 00:32:45,062
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH THE
PODCAST GIMEAN, YOU COULD CHILL
WITH THOSE ELASTIC PANTS IF

1114
00:32:45,064 --> 00:32:48,131
PODCAST GIMEAN, YOU COULD CHILL
WITH THOSE ELASTIC PANTS IF
YOU'RE ONE OF "PEOPLE'S"

1115
00:32:48,133 --> 00:32:48,699
WITH THOSE ELASTIC PANTS IF
YOU'RE ONE OF "PEOPLE'S"
"SEXIEST MAN."

1116
00:32:48,701 --> 00:32:50,400
YOU'RE ONE OF "PEOPLE'S"
"SEXIEST MAN."
YOU CAN DO THAT.

1117
00:32:50,402 --> 00:32:51,201
"SEXIEST MAN."
YOU CAN DO THAT.
SERIOUSLY WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH

1118
00:32:51,203 --> 00:32:52,135
YOU CAN DO THAT.
SERIOUSLY WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH
THE PODCAST --

1119
00:32:52,137 --> 00:32:54,338
SERIOUSLY WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH
THE PODCAST --
>> Stephen: AT LEAST ELASTIC

1120
00:32:54,340 --> 00:32:55,038
THE PODCAST --
>> Stephen: AT LEAST ELASTIC
PANTS COME OFF FAST.

1121
00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:55,472
>> Stephen: AT LEAST ELASTIC
PANTS COME OFF FAST.
THAT'S WHAT I KNOW.

1122
00:32:55,474 --> 00:33:00,110
PANTS COME OFF FAST.
THAT'S WHAT I KNOW.
>> I HAVE TO SAY I'M ONE OF

1123
00:33:00,112 --> 00:33:02,212
THAT'S WHAT I KNOW.
>> I HAVE TO SAY I'M ONE OF
THOSE DUDZ JUST BEING

1124
00:33:02,214 --> 00:33:02,612
>> I HAVE TO SAY I'M ONE OF
THOSE DUDZ JUST BEING
MEDITATION, YOGA.

1125
00:33:02,614 --> 00:33:06,116
THOSE DUDZ JUST BEING
MEDITATION, YOGA.
WHAT I WANTED THIS PODCAST TO BE

1126
00:33:06,118 --> 00:33:07,651
MEDITATION, YOGA.
WHAT I WANTED THIS PODCAST TO BE
ABOUT ON AUDIBLE WAS TO BE

1127
00:33:07,653 --> 00:33:08,418
WHAT I WANTED THIS PODCAST TO BE
ABOUT ON AUDIBLE WAS TO BE
SOMETHING WHERE I TALK TO SOME

1128
00:33:08,420 --> 00:33:10,420
ABOUT ON AUDIBLE WAS TO BE
SOMETHING WHERE I TALK TO SOME
OF THE GREATEST MINDS, LIKE--

1129
00:33:10,422 --> 00:33:12,956
SOMETHING WHERE I TALK TO SOME
OF THE GREATEST MINDS, LIKE--
THAT WE KNOW THAT ARE LIVING

1130
00:33:12,958 --> 00:33:16,927
OF THE GREATEST MINDS, LIKE--
THAT WE KNOW THAT ARE LIVING
TODAY, FROM BRYAN STEPHENSON TO

1131
00:33:16,929 --> 00:33:17,394
THAT WE KNOW THAT ARE LIVING
TODAY, FROM BRYAN STEPHENSON TO
NAS, TIFFANY HADDISH.

1132
00:33:17,396 --> 00:33:21,164
TODAY, FROM BRYAN STEPHENSON TO
NAS, TIFFANY HADDISH.
AND I HAD THESE CONVERSATIONS

1133
00:33:21,166 --> 00:33:22,666
NAS, TIFFANY HADDISH.
AND I HAD THESE CONVERSATIONS
WITH HASSAN MINAJ, AND IT WAS

1134
00:33:22,668 --> 00:33:24,735
AND I HAD THESE CONVERSATIONS
WITH HASSAN MINAJ, AND IT WAS
JUST LIKE I WANTED TO ASK THEM

1135
00:33:24,737 --> 00:33:26,636
WITH HASSAN MINAJ, AND IT WAS
JUST LIKE I WANTED TO ASK THEM
THINGS THAT WOULD BRING OUT NEW

1136
00:33:26,638 --> 00:33:27,504
JUST LIKE I WANTED TO ASK THEM
THINGS THAT WOULD BRING OUT NEW
ASPECTS AND THINGS PEOPLE NEVER

1137
00:33:27,506 --> 00:33:29,106
THINGS THAT WOULD BRING OUT NEW
ASPECTS AND THINGS PEOPLE NEVER
HEARD, AND I WANTED TO GET INTO

1138
00:33:29,108 --> 00:33:30,674
ASPECTS AND THINGS PEOPLE NEVER
HEARD, AND I WANTED TO GET INTO
THEIR PROCESS AND JUST FIND OUT

1139
00:33:30,676 --> 00:33:31,608
HEARD, AND I WANTED TO GET INTO
THEIR PROCESS AND JUST FIND OUT
MORE ABOUT THEM, YOU KNOW.

1140
00:33:31,610 --> 00:33:33,343
THEIR PROCESS AND JUST FIND OUT
MORE ABOUT THEM, YOU KNOW.
IT WAS REALLY INTRIGUING.

1141
00:33:33,345 --> 00:33:34,911
MORE ABOUT THEM, YOU KNOW.
IT WAS REALLY INTRIGUING.
I REALLY GAINED A NEW RESPECT

1142
00:33:34,913 --> 00:33:36,213
IT WAS REALLY INTRIGUING.
I REALLY GAINED A NEW RESPECT
FOR WHAT YOU GUYS DO BECAUSE,

1143
00:33:36,215 --> 00:33:37,581
I REALLY GAINED A NEW RESPECT
FOR WHAT YOU GUYS DO BECAUSE,
YOU KNOW, TO SIT THERE AND

1144
00:33:37,583 --> 00:33:38,815
FOR WHAT YOU GUYS DO BECAUSE,
YOU KNOW, TO SIT THERE AND
INTERVIEW AND GO BACK AND FORTH

1145
00:33:38,817 --> 00:33:41,184
YOU KNOW, TO SIT THERE AND
INTERVIEW AND GO BACK AND FORTH
IS A TRUE CRAFT AND SKILL.

1146
00:33:41,186 --> 00:33:42,386
INTERVIEW AND GO BACK AND FORTH
IS A TRUE CRAFT AND SKILL.
>> Stephen: WELL, DO YOU

1147
00:33:42,388 --> 00:33:42,986
IS A TRUE CRAFT AND SKILL.
>> Stephen: WELL, DO YOU
HAVE-- DO YOU HAVE, LIKE,

1148
00:33:42,988 --> 00:33:44,521
>> Stephen: WELL, DO YOU
HAVE-- DO YOU HAVE, LIKE,
QUESTIONS YOU GO BACK TO OVER

1149
00:33:44,523 --> 00:33:45,188
HAVE-- DO YOU HAVE, LIKE,
QUESTIONS YOU GO BACK TO OVER
AND OVER AGAIN?

1150
00:33:45,190 --> 00:33:47,424
QUESTIONS YOU GO BACK TO OVER
AND OVER AGAIN?
SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY HAVE, LIKE,

1151
00:33:47,426 --> 00:33:48,992
AND OVER AGAIN?
SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY HAVE, LIKE,
A SET RUN OF QUESTIONS.

1152
00:33:48,994 --> 00:33:49,860
SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY HAVE, LIKE,
A SET RUN OF QUESTIONS.
THEY WANT TO HIT EVERYBODY WITH

1153
00:33:49,862 --> 00:33:52,396
A SET RUN OF QUESTIONS.
THEY WANT TO HIT EVERYBODY WITH
THE SAME THING TO GET A BASELINE

1154
00:33:52,398 --> 00:33:52,796
THEY WANT TO HIT EVERYBODY WITH
THE SAME THING TO GET A BASELINE
ON EVERYBODY.

1155
00:33:52,798 --> 00:33:54,664
THE SAME THING TO GET A BASELINE
ON EVERYBODY.
DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE

1156
00:33:54,666 --> 00:33:54,931
ON EVERYBODY.
DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE
QUESTIONS?

1157
00:33:54,933 --> 00:33:55,932
DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE
QUESTIONS?
>> YEAH, ONE OF MY FAVORITE

1158
00:33:55,934 --> 00:33:57,768
QUESTIONS?
>> YEAH, ONE OF MY FAVORITE
QUESTIONS WAS, "WHAT'S THE FIRST

1159
00:33:57,770 --> 00:33:59,636
>> YEAH, ONE OF MY FAVORITE
QUESTIONS WAS, "WHAT'S THE FIRST
SONG THAT TOUCHED YOUR SOUL?"

1160
00:33:59,638 --> 00:34:01,138
QUESTIONS WAS, "WHAT'S THE FIRST
SONG THAT TOUCHED YOUR SOUL?"
LIKE, "WHAT IS THE FIRST SONG

1161
00:34:01,140 --> 00:34:03,573
SONG THAT TOUCHED YOUR SOUL?"
LIKE, "WHAT IS THE FIRST SONG
THAT TOUCHED YOUR SOUL ??? WHAT

1162
00:34:03,575 --> 00:34:06,443
LIKE, "WHAT IS THE FIRST SONG
THAT TOUCHED YOUR SOUL ??? WHAT
IS THE FIRST SONG THAT TOUCHED

1163
00:34:06,445 --> 00:34:07,010
THAT TOUCHED YOUR SOUL ??? WHAT
IS THE FIRST SONG THAT TOUCHED
YOUR SOUL, STEPHEN.

1164
00:34:07,012 --> 00:34:08,912
IS THE FIRST SONG THAT TOUCHED
YOUR SOUL, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: THE FIRST SONG I

1165
00:34:08,914 --> 00:34:10,180
YOUR SOUL, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: THE FIRST SONG I
REMEMBER IS PROBABLY MY MOM

1166
00:34:10,182 --> 00:34:12,182
>> Stephen: THE FIRST SONG I
REMEMBER IS PROBABLY MY MOM
SINGING, "YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE."

1167
00:34:12,184 --> 00:34:13,450
REMEMBER IS PROBABLY MY MOM
SINGING, "YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE."
>> AAH.

1168
00:34:13,452 --> 00:34:13,984
SINGING, "YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE."
>> AAH.
I LOVE IT.

1169
00:34:13,986 --> 00:34:15,018
>> AAH.
I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT.

1170
00:34:15,020 --> 00:34:15,786
I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT.
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL ONE.

1171
00:34:15,788 --> 00:34:17,087
I LOVE IT.
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL ONE.
>> Stephen: HOW ABOUT YOU?

1172
00:34:17,089 --> 00:34:18,922
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL ONE.
>> Stephen: HOW ABOUT YOU?
WHAT'S THE FIRST SONG THAT

1173
00:34:18,924 --> 00:34:20,624
>> Stephen: HOW ABOUT YOU?
WHAT'S THE FIRST SONG THAT
TOUCHED YOUR SOUL-- YEAH, SHE

1174
00:34:20,626 --> 00:34:20,924
WHAT'S THE FIRST SONG THAT
TOUCHED YOUR SOUL-- YEAH, SHE
COULD SING.

1175
00:34:20,926 --> 00:34:22,793
TOUCHED YOUR SOUL-- YEAH, SHE
COULD SING.
>> THE FIRST SONG THAT TOUCHED

1176
00:34:22,795 --> 00:34:25,796
COULD SING.
>> THE FIRST SONG THAT TOUCHED
MY SOUL WAS A STEVIE WONDER

1177
00:34:25,798 --> 00:34:26,129
>> THE FIRST SONG THAT TOUCHED
MY SOUL WAS A STEVIE WONDER
SONG.

1178
00:34:26,131 --> 00:34:29,299
MY SOUL WAS A STEVIE WONDER
SONG.
IT PROBABLY WAS "ISN'T SHE

1179
00:34:29,301 --> 00:34:29,533
SONG.
IT PROBABLY WAS "ISN'T SHE
LOVELY."

1180
00:34:29,535 --> 00:34:31,435
IT PROBABLY WAS "ISN'T SHE
LOVELY."
I USED TO LOVE THAT SONG AS A

1181
00:34:31,437 --> 00:34:32,569
LOVELY."
I USED TO LOVE THAT SONG AS A
LITTLE KID.

1182
00:34:32,571 --> 00:34:33,437
I USED TO LOVE THAT SONG AS A
LITTLE KID.
>> Stephen: SURE.

1183
00:34:33,439 --> 00:34:34,638
LITTLE KID.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> THAT'S PROBABLY ONE OF THE

1184
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:36,306
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> THAT'S PROBABLY ONE OF THE
SONGS THAT TOUCHED ME.

1185
00:34:36,308 --> 00:34:37,307
>> THAT'S PROBABLY ONE OF THE
SONGS THAT TOUCHED ME.
IT DID SOMETHING TO ME.

1186
00:34:37,309 --> 00:34:38,542
SONGS THAT TOUCHED ME.
IT DID SOMETHING TO ME.
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE.

1187
00:34:38,544 --> 00:34:40,177
IT DID SOMETHING TO ME.
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE.
IF YOU'RE LISTEN AGO IF YOU'RE

1188
00:34:40,179 --> 00:34:41,545
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE.
IF YOU'RE LISTEN AGO IF YOU'RE
LISTENING IT'S HARD NOT TO HAVE

1189
00:34:41,547 --> 00:34:42,813
IF YOU'RE LISTEN AGO IF YOU'RE
LISTENING IT'S HARD NOT TO HAVE
HIM DO SOMETHING TO YOU.

1190
00:34:42,815 --> 00:34:46,083
LISTENING IT'S HARD NOT TO HAVE
HIM DO SOMETHING TO YOU.
>> YEAH, YEAH.

1191
00:34:46,085 --> 00:34:46,583
HIM DO SOMETHING TO YOU.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: "A BEAUTIFUL

1192
00:34:46,585 --> 00:34:47,217
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: "A BEAUTIFUL
REVOLUTION PART 1" IS AVAILABLE

1193
00:34:47,219 --> 00:34:49,186
>> Stephen: "A BEAUTIFUL
REVOLUTION PART 1" IS AVAILABLE
NOW.

1194
00:34:49,188 --> 00:34:50,220
REVOLUTION PART 1" IS AVAILABLE
NOW.
AND YOU CAN LISTEN TO HIS

1195
00:34:50,222 --> 00:34:51,221
NOW.
AND YOU CAN LISTEN TO HIS
PODCAST "MIND POWER MIXTAPE"

1196
00:34:51,223 --> 00:34:51,521
AND YOU CAN LISTEN TO HIS
PODCAST "MIND POWER MIXTAPE"
ON AUDIBLE.

1197
00:34:51,523 --> 00:34:53,924
PODCAST "MIND POWER MIXTAPE"
ON AUDIBLE.
COMMON, EVERYBODY.

1198
00:34:53,926 --> 00:34:55,459
ON AUDIBLE.
COMMON, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A

1199
00:34:55,461 --> 00:34:58,261
COMMON, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
PERFORMANCE BY ANDREA BOCELLI.

1200
00:34:58,263 --> 00:35:03,500
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
PERFORMANCE BY ANDREA BOCELLI.
THANKS FOR BEING HERE, MAN.

1201
00:35:09,674 --> 00:35:16,546
♪ ♪ ♪

1202
00:35:22,987 --> 00:35:29,893
>> I AM DETERMINED TO PROTECT
OUR ELECTION SYSTEM, WHICH IS
NOW UNDER COORDINATED ASSAULT

1203
00:35:29,895 --> 00:35:30,160
OUR ELECTION SYSTEM, WHICH IS
NOW UNDER COORDINATED ASSAULT
AND SIEGE.

1204
00:35:30,162 --> 00:35:31,862
NOW UNDER COORDINATED ASSAULT
AND SIEGE.
>> ALL RIGHT, MR. PRESIDENT,

1205
00:35:31,864 --> 00:35:33,029
AND SIEGE.
>> ALL RIGHT, MR. PRESIDENT,
KEEP TRYING TO WIN!

1206
00:35:33,031 --> 00:35:34,598
>> ALL RIGHT, MR. PRESIDENT,
KEEP TRYING TO WIN!
YOU GOT THIS!

1207
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,200
KEEP TRYING TO WIN!
YOU GOT THIS!
YOU KNOW, WHEN I LOST MY HEAD, I

1208
00:35:37,202 --> 00:35:39,970
YOU GOT THIS!
YOU KNOW, WHEN I LOST MY HEAD, I
LOT OF PEOPLE SAID, "HEY, STEVE,

1209
00:35:39,972 --> 00:35:41,938
YOU KNOW, WHEN I LOST MY HEAD, I
LOT OF PEOPLE SAID, "HEY, STEVE,
IT'S OVER, YOU DON'T HAVE A

1210
00:35:41,940 --> 00:35:42,139
LOT OF PEOPLE SAID, "HEY, STEVE,
IT'S OVER, YOU DON'T HAVE A
HEAD."

1211
00:35:42,141 --> 00:35:43,740
IT'S OVER, YOU DON'T HAVE A
HEAD."
AND HERE I AM!

1212
00:35:43,742 --> 00:35:44,875
HEAD."
AND HERE I AM!
OKAY, I'M FEELING A LITTLE

1213
00:35:44,877 --> 00:35:46,776
AND HERE I AM!
OKAY, I'M FEELING A LITTLE
WOOZY, SO I'M GOING TO REST MY

1214
00:35:46,778 --> 00:35:48,411
OKAY, I'M FEELING A LITTLE
WOOZY, SO I'M GOING TO REST MY
NUB, BUT YOU'RE GOING TO BE

1215
00:35:48,413 --> 00:35:49,646
WOOZY, SO I'M GOING TO REST MY
NUB, BUT YOU'RE GOING TO BE
PRESIDENT FOREVER AND I'M GOING

1216
00:35:49,648 --> 00:35:52,282
NUB, BUT YOU'RE GOING TO BE
PRESIDENT FOREVER AND I'M GOING
TO LIVE FOREVER.

1217
00:35:52,284 --> 00:35:53,216
PRESIDENT FOREVER AND I'M GOING
TO LIVE FOREVER.
EXCUSE ME.

1218
00:35:58,723 --> 00:36:02,893
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.
HIS HOLIDAY CONCERT "BELIEVE IN
CHRISTMAS" WILL BE LIVESTREAMED

1219
00:36:02,895 --> 00:36:04,961
HIS HOLIDAY CONCERT "BELIEVE IN
CHRISTMAS" WILL BE LIVESTREAMED
ON DECEMBER 12 FROM THE TEATRO

1220
00:36:04,963 --> 00:36:06,530
CHRISTMAS" WILL BE LIVESTREAMED
ON DECEMBER 12 FROM THE TEATRO
REGIO DI PARMA IN HIS HOMELAND,

1221
00:36:06,532 --> 00:36:08,231
ON DECEMBER 12 FROM THE TEATRO
REGIO DI PARMA IN HIS HOMELAND,
ITALY.

1222
00:36:08,233 --> 00:36:08,899
REGIO DI PARMA IN HIS HOMELAND,
ITALY.
PERFORMING "SILENT NIGHT,"

1223
00:36:08,901 --> 00:36:13,036
ITALY.
PERFORMING "SILENT NIGHT,"
ANDREA BOCELLI.

1224
00:36:13,038 --> 00:36:21,144
PERFORMING "SILENT NIGHT,"
ANDREA BOCELLI.
♪ ♪ ♪

1225
00:36:25,116 --> 00:36:33,156
♪ ♪ ♪

1226
00:36:37,128 --> 00:36:49,005
♪ SILENT NIGHT
HOLY NIGHT
♪ ALL IS CALM

1227
00:36:49,007 --> 00:36:53,043
HOLY NIGHT
♪ ALL IS CALM
ALL IS BRIGHT

1228
00:36:53,045 --> 00:37:01,017
♪ ALL IS CALM
ALL IS BRIGHT
♪ ROUND YON VIRGIN

1229
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ALL IS BRIGHT
♪ ROUND YON VIRGIN
MOTHER AND CHILD

1230
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♪ ROUND YON VIRGIN
MOTHER AND CHILD
♪ HOLY INFANT, SO

1231
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MOTHER AND CHILD
♪ HOLY INFANT, SO
TENDER AND MILD

1232
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♪ HOLY INFANT, SO
TENDER AND MILD
♪ SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE

1233
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SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE
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1248
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>> Stephen: ANDREA BOCELLI,
EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

1249
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EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ ♪ ♪

1250
00:39:22,293 --> 00:39:29,265
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "A
LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
OUR THANKS TO WILL FERRELL.

1251
00:39:29,267 --> 00:39:29,532
LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
OUR THANKS TO WILL FERRELL.
AND SANTA.

1252
00:39:29,534 --> 00:39:31,267
OUR THANKS TO WILL FERRELL.
AND SANTA.
JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN I'LL BE

1253
00:39:31,269 --> 00:39:31,868
AND SANTA.
JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN I'LL BE
JOINED BY MERYL STREEP, RACHEL

1254
00:39:31,870 --> 00:39:33,570
JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN I'LL BE
JOINED BY MERYL STREEP, RACHEL
MADDOW, AND JAMES CORDEN.

1255
00:39:33,572 --> 00:39:34,137
JOINED BY MERYL STREEP, RACHEL
MADDOW, AND JAMES CORDEN.
GOOD NIGHT.

1256
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<font color="#ffff00"> Captioning sponsored by CBS</font>

1257
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Captioned by
<font color="#00ffff"> Media Access Group at WGBH</font>
access.wgbh.org

1258
00:39:39,844 --> 00:39:42,011
>> I'M GOING TO TELL YOU THAT
THIS IS NOT MY HOUSE.
I'M AT THE STUDIO.

1259
00:39:42,013 --> 00:39:45,215
THIS IS NOT MY HOUSE.
I'M AT THE STUDIO.
I DO NOT HAVE THIS ON TV.

1260
00:39:45,217 --> 00:39:45,548
I'M AT THE STUDIO.
I DO NOT HAVE THIS ON TV.
AND I --

1261
00:39:45,550 --> 00:39:48,485
I DO NOT HAVE THIS ON TV.
AND I --
>> Stephen: IT'S AN ANTIQUE.

1262
00:39:48,487 --> 00:39:49,919
AND I --
>> Stephen: IT'S AN ANTIQUE.
IT'S AN ANTIQUE.

1263
00:39:49,921 --> 00:39:51,821
>> Stephen: IT'S AN ANTIQUE.
IT'S AN ANTIQUE.
>> YEAH.

1264
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