>> STEPHEN, WE'RE FEEDING.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, I'M JUST ENJOYING BARACK OBAMA'S NEW
BOOK.
I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT WHAT HE'S BEEN UP TO.
>> STEPHEN, I'M RIGHT HERE.
>> Stephen: NO SPOILERS!
>> Announcer: IT'S A "LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT.
TONIGHT, PART TWO OF STEPHEN'S INTERVIEW WITH PRESIDENT BARACK
OBAMA, FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HOMIN."
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE
BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR SHOWS STEPHEN COLBERT.
AND TONIGHT IS A VERY SPECIAL "A LATE SHOW."
YOU MAY REMEMBER LAST WEEK, WHEN I SAT DOWN WITH MY CLOSE
PERSONAL FRIEND BARACK, AS HE HAS ASKED ME NOT TO CALL HIM,
PRESIDENT OBAMA.
WELL, IT TURNS OUT THE PRESIDENT AND I HAD SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT,
WE ACTUALLY COULDN'T FIT IT ALL IN ONE SHOW.
I MEAN, WE COULD HAVE, BUT THAT WOULD HAVE MEANT MORE TIME WITH
AN AMERICAN ICON, AND FEWER COMMERCIALS FOR NASAL
DECONGESTANT-- AND OBVIOUSLY NO ONE WANTS THAT.
SO IN THE GREAT TRADITION OF THIS POST-THANKSGIVING SEASON,
TONIGHT, I'M GOING TO SERVE UP SOME DELICIOUS LEFTOVERS, IN
WHAT I'M CALLING "A LATE SHOW'S CHOCK-A-BLOCK-A-BARACK
OBAMA-RAMA EXTRAVAGAMA!" AS YOU KNOW, THE FORMER
PRESIDENT HAS BEEN MAKING THE ROUNDS RECENTLY TO PROMOTE HIS
NEW BOOK, "A PROMISED LAND."
IT'S THE STORY OF BARACK OBAMA'S FIRST 27 MONTHS AS PRESIDENT,
AND, AT ALMOST 800 PAGES, IT WILL TAKE MOST PEOPLE 27 MONTHS
TO FINISH.
IT'S THE FIRST MEMOIR MEANT TO BE READ IN REAL-TIME.
MY FAVORITE PART ABOUT "A PROMISED LAND" IS THAT, JUST
LIKE MOST BOOKS, ON THE DUST JACKET, IT'S GOT A LITTLE AUTHOR
BIO: "BARACK OBAMA WAS THE 44TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
ELECTED IN NOVEMBER OF 2008," ETC, ETC.
WHO IS THAT FOR, EXACTLY?
WHO PICKS UP THIS BOOK WITHOUT KNOWING WHO WROTE IT?
"LET'S SEE, I'M A BIG FAN OF PROMISES, AND I'M A LAND
MAMMAL... LET ME FIND OUT WHO THIS 'BARACK OBAMA' GUY IS."
"A PROMISED LAND" HAS BEEN A LONG TIME COMING.
PRESIDENT OBAMA SAYS IT TOOK HIM TWO AND A HALF YEARS LONGER THAN
EXPECTED TO FINISH.
NOT SURPRISING.
IF HE DICTATED IT, THE PAUSES WOULD EAT UP BIG CHUNK OF THAT.
THIS BOOK IS ALREADY A HUGE DEAL, SELLING A RECORD-BREAKING
1.7 MILLION COPIES IN THE FIRST WEEK.
IN FACT, DEMAND FOR "A PROMISED LAND" IN AMERICA WAS SO HIGH
THAT THE INTERNATIONAL PUBLISHER HAS PRINTED 1.5 MILLION COPIES
IN GERMANY TO BRING OVER ON CARGO SHIPS.
BUT I'M ASSURED CUSTOMERS WON'T NOTICE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
THE AMERICAN VERSION AND THE GERMAN ONE.
AND IF YOU'RE HAPPY TO SEE OBAMA BACK IN THE SPOTLIGHT
AGAIN, YOU'RE NOT ALONE: INDEPENDENT BOOKSTORES IN
PARTICULAR ARE REPORTING UNPRECEDENTED FIRST-DAY SALES,
WHICH COULD PROVE CRUCIAL IN RECOVERING SOME OF THE LOSSES
SUFFERED DURING THE SHUTDOWN.
HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS MAN NEED TO SAVE THE ECONOMY?
HE PROPPED UP THE AUTO INDUSTRY, NOW PUBLISHING, AND NEXT WEEK,
HE'S BRINGING BACK AMERICA'S SHOPPING MALLS BY GETTING HIS
EARS PIERCED AT CLAIRE'S.
OBAMA IS A DEMOCRAT, BUT IN HIS EARLY YEARS, HE DID FLIRT WITH
OTHER POLITICAL IDEOLOGIES.
AND I DO MEAN "FLIRT."
AS HE SAYS IN HIS BOOK, A PERFORMATIVE INTEREST IN THE
WRITINGS OF POLITICAL PHILOSOPHERS LIKE KARL MARX AND
FRANTZ FANON GAVE HIM SOMETHING TO SAY TO THE LONG-LEGGED
SOCIALIST WHO LIVED IN HIS DORM AND THE ETHEREAL BISEXUAL WHO
WORE MOSTLY BLACK.
OH, YEAH, NOTHING GETS THE LADIES GOING LIKE MARXISM.
(FLIRTY) "HEY, BABY, ARE YOU RELIGION?
BECAUSE YOU'RE THE OPIATE OF MY MASSES.
LET'S MAKE LIKE THE PROLETARIAT AND SEIZE EACH OTHER'S MEANS OF
PRODUCTION."
OBAMA ALSO REVEALS WHO HAD THE FINAL SAY ON ONE OF HIS MOST
ICONIC SLOGANS.
HE WAS PITCHED A CAMPAIGN AD WHERE HE LOOKED INTO THE CAMERA
AND SAID "YES WE CAN."
OBAMA SAYS "I THOUGHT IT WAS CORNY, BUT THE DIRECTOR SHOWED
IT TO MICHELLE, WHO DEEMED IT 'NOT CORNY AT ALL'."
THANK GOODNESS MICHELLE OBAMA TOLD HIM NOT TO PLAY IT SO COOL!
OTHERWISE WE WOULD'VE BEEN STUCK WITH POSTERS THAT SAID "HOPE, OR
WHATEVER, NO BIG DEAL."
NOW THAT THE BOOK IS ON THE SHELVES, OBAMA IS NOT RESTING ON
HIS LAURELS.
HE AND THE FORMER FIRST LADY HAVE ANNOUNCED THEY'LL BE
PRODUCING A NETFLIX SKETCH COMEDY SERIES ABOUT THE
TRANSITION CHAOS FROM HIS ADMINISTRATION TO NUMBER 45.
A NETFLIX SHOW ABOUT TAKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE FROM OBAMA?
PLEASE CALL IT "ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK."
BUT YOU'VE HEARD ENOUGH OF ME TALKING ABOUT BARACK OBAMA.
LET'S CHANGE THINGS UP AND WATCH ME TALKING TO BARACK OBAMA.
JIM?
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING DOWN.
YOU NEEDED A CHANGE IN VENUE.
>> Stephen: I GOT NOTHING ELSE GOING ON RIGHT NOW.
( LAUGHTER ) >> YEAH, IT'S GOOD TO SEA YA.
>> Stephen: NICE TO TEE ZE YOU, TOO.
>> HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
YOU LOOK WELL.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
YOU LOOK WELL, TOO.
>> THAT'S AN EXCEPTIONALLY NICE SUIT.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
DO YOU NOT OWN A TIE?
>> I DON'T BELIEVE IN TIES ANYMORE.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
FUNERALS AND WEDDINGS, THE ONLY TIME YOU'RE GOING TO SEE ME
IN A TIE.
>> Stephen: NOW THAT YOU'RE NO LONGER THE PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES, DO I STILL HAVE TO BE DIGNIFIED AROUND YOU?
>> NO.
YOU WEREN'T DIGNIFIED PREVI PREVIOUSLY.
>> AFTER EIGHT MONTHS, MY BODY IS NO LONGER SUIT SPAIPPED
SHAPED.
>> LISTEN, YOU LOOK GOOD IN YOUR SOUGHT, YOU SHAVED, SHOES
POLISHED.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> I THINK SHE JUST WANTED TO SEE YOU UPGRADED A LITTLE BIT.
>> Stephen: I THINK SO, TOO.
BY THE WAY, I AM ENJOYING "A PROMISED LAND."
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU WRITE IN THE BOOK THAT ONE OF THE THINGS YOU
NOTICE ABOUT BECOMING PRESIDENT IS NO ONE EVER CALLS YOU BY YOUR
FIRST NAME AGAIN.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN THE LAST FOUR YEARS, BUT I'VE
SPENT A LOT OF TIME WITH YOUR LIFE.
TRAVELED TO LONDON TOGETHER AND INTERVIEWED FOR HER BOOK IN
NASHVILLE, SE GAVE ME A CAKE ON MY BIRTHDAY, DANCED FOR MY
BIRTHDAY.
SHE ACTUALLY GOT AN EMAIL FROM ONE OF HER ASSISTANTS SAYING SHE
IS DONE WITH ME CALLING HER MADAM FIRST LADY AND I AM TO
CALL HER MICHELLE IN SO UNCERTAIN TERMS AND I HAVE NOT
SEEN HER TO DO THAT YET, BUT I AM GOING TO GET THE COURAGE TO
DO THAT WHEN I SEE HER NEXT.
MR. PRESIDENT, IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO SAY TO ME?
>> NO.
YOU KNOW WHAT, I TAKE THAT BACK.
>> Stephen: I'M SORRY?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME MR. PRESIDENT, YOU CAN JUST CALL
ME PRESIDENT.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: ON BEHALF OF A LOT OF AMERICANS, I THINK I CAN SAY
WITH CONFIDENCE THAT WE'VE MISSED YOU.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: THESE LAST FOUR YEARS.
DID YOU MISS YOU?
DID YOU EVER LOOK AT SOMETHING GOING ON IN THE NEWS AND GO, YOU
KNOW WHAT THIS SITUATION NEEDS?
BARACK OBAMA.
>> (LAUGHING) I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE, PEOPLE WOULD ASK ME,
KNOWING WHAT YOU KNOW NOW, DO YOU WISH YOU HAD A THIRD TERM?
AND I USED TO SAY, IF I COULD MAKE AN ARRANGEMENT WHERE I HAD
A STAND-IN, A FRONT-MAN OR FRONT-WOMAN AND THEY HAD AN EAR
PIECE IN AND I WAS IN MY BASEMENT OR SWEATS LOOKING
THROUGH THE STUFF AND I COULD DELIVER THE LINES, BUT SOMEBODY
ELSE WAS DOING ALL THE TALKING AND CEREMONY, I WOULD BE FINE
WITH THAT BECAUSE I FOUND THE WORK FASCINATING.
I MEAN, I WRITE ABOUT THE -- EVEN ON MY WORST DAYS, I FOUND
PUZZLING OUT, YOU KNOW, THESE BIG, COMPLICATED, DIFFICULT
ISSUES, ESPECIALLY IF YOU WERE WORKING WITH SOME GREAT PEOPLE,
TO BE PROFESSIONALLY REALLY SATISFYING.
BUT I DO NOT MISS HAVING TO WEAR A TIE EVERY DAY.
>> Stephen: ARE THERE ASPECTS OF THE JOB -- BECAUSE WE FOUND
OUT FROM YOUR SUCCESSOR THAT THERE'S A WHOLE BUNCH OF STUFF
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO AND PEOPLE STILL LOOK AT YOU AS PRESIDENT.
ARE THERE A FEW THINGS YOU CHUCKED OUT AND YOU WENT, OH, IF
ONLY I HAD KNOWN I DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT?
>> I THINK THERE WAS A LOT.
>> Stephen: RESPOND TO SUBPOENAS?
>> FOLLOW THE CONSTITUTION.
>> Stephen: YEAH, THAT'S A GRAYING DRAG.
THAT CONSTITUTION IS A DRAG.
YOU SAY YOU'VE WRITTEN THIS BOOK FOR YUM PEOPLE OF THE NEXT
GENERATION.
YOU'RE 59, I'M 56.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE US GEN XERES TO KNOW?
>> GET OUT OF THE WAY.
>> Stephen: OKAY, BOOMER.
(LAUGHING) I WILL SAY I AM SO OPTIMISTIC ABOUT OUR KIDS, AND
THEY'RE SMARTER THAN WE WERE, THEY'RE MORE SOPHISTICATED,
THEY'RE KINDER, THEY'RE ENVIRONMENTALLY MORE CONSCIOUS,
THEY BELIEVED IN STUFF, AS I WRITE IN THE PREFACE, THAT MAYBE
WE GAVE LIP SERVICE TO BUT DIDN'T WANT TO LIVE OUT BECAUSE
IT REQUIRED SOME SACRIFICE AND YOU SEE THEM LIVING OUT THEIR
COMMITMENTS IN REALLY POWERFUL WAYS.
BUT WE HAVE TO BE WILLING TO GIVE THEM THE CHANCE TO REMAKE
INSTITUTIONS AND CHANGE OLD HABITS.
SO THEY MAKE ME OPEN MYSTIC, I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT WE
DON'T SCREW THINGS UP SO BAD THAT, BY THE TIME THEY'RE IN
CHARGE, THAT, YOU KNOW, IT BECOMES THAT MUCH HARDER.
>> Stephen: BY THE WAY, HAVE YOU LISTENED TO YOUR OWN AUDIO
BOOK OF THIS?
I KNOW YOU RECORDED IT.
>> I DID RECORD IT, SO I WAS LISTENING TO IT WHILE I WAS
READING.
>> I ENJOY THE AUDIO BOOK.
YOU CAN LISTEN TO YOUR AUDIO BOOK AT DOUBLE SPEED AND CAN'T
TELL IT'S GOING FASTER.
>> YOUR VOICE IS HIGHER ISN'T IT?
>> Stephen: NO, YOUR VOICE STAYS AT THE SAME LEVEL, JUST AS
NORMAL HUMAN TALKING SPEED.
OKAY.
>> (LAUGHING) WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU GOT.
>> Stephen: HOLD THAT THAWVMENT BACK WITH MORE OF THE
44th PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
BARACK OBAMA.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF "A PROMISED LAND," PRESIDENT BARACK
OBAMA.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF PEOPLE WHO SAY IT WOULD BE GOOD IF
REPUBLICAN HELD THE SENATE BECAUSE DEMOCRATS WILL GO TOO
FAR IF THEY CONTROL EVERYTHING.
>> I EXPERIENCED DIVIDED GOVERNMENT AND I WILL TELL YOU
THAT GRIDLOCK AND DYSFUNCTION IS A RECIPE FOR NOT ONLY NOT
SOLVING BIG PROBLEMS BUT ALSO GROWING CYNICISM AMONG THE
ELECTORATE THAT FURTHER POLARIZES FOLKS.
>> Stephen: WHY WEREN'T YOU NICER TO MITCH McCONNELL?
WHY WEREN'T YOU NICER TO HIM?
>> LET ME TELL YOU, OF ALL THE ARGUMENTS MADE DURING MY
PRESIDENCY, THE NOTION THAT MY BIG PROBLEM WAS NOT SCHMOOZING
MITCH McCONNELL ENOUGH WAS MORE OF THE MORE FRUSTRATING
ONES I HEARD BUT WAS ENTIRELY ACCEPTED.
IT'S STILL CONVENTIONAL WISDOM TO THIS DAY IN PARTS OF
WASHINGTON.
MITCH McCONNELL UNDERSTOOD, AND I WRITE ABOUT THIS
EXTENSIVELY, THAT, IF YOU THROW SAND IN THE GEARS AND STUFF
DOESN'T WORK, THE AVERAGE VOTER DOESN'T REALLY KNOW WHY IT'S NOT
WORKING, THEY DON'T KNOW WHO'S IN CHARGE, THEY DON'T KNOW THE
DETAILS OF SENATE PROCEDURE, WHAT THEY DO UNDERSTAND IS THE
PRESIDENT'S IN CHARGE, AND WE'RE STILL SEEING THE SAME ARGUMENTS
THAT WE USED TO SEE.
SO THAT'S GOOD FOR THE OPPOSITION PARTY.
>> Stephen: IF I ONLY HAD ONE QUESTION TO ASK YOU RIGHT NOW,
IT WOULD BE, WHAT HAPPENS NOW?
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENS NOW?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHEN YOU HAVE HALF OR 70% OF THE REPUBLICANS OR
MAYBE ABOUT 40% OF THE PUBLIC THINK THAT JOE BIDEN WON BY
CHEATING?
HOW DOES HE REACH THOSE PEOPLE?
>> WELL, LOOK, I THINK HE'S IN A GOOD POSITION TO MAKE THE
EFFORT.
THE FACT THAT HE WON IS INDICATIVE OF THE MESSAGE HE
SENT OF WANTING TO UNIFY THE COUNTRY.
I DO THINK PEOPLE ARE EXHAUSTED BY JUST THIS, YOU KNOW, -- YOU
KNOW, WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION, CONSTANT CAGE MATCH,
AND PEOPLE JUST WANT TO FEEL AS IF A DAY PASSES WITHOUT IT BEING
DOMINATED BY SOMETHING CRAZY COMING OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE OR
WASHINGTON.
>> Stephen: DON'T GET ME WRONG.
YOU ARE A GREAT PRESIDENT AND PEOPLE ACCUSED YOU OF BEING A
CELEBRITY.
THERE WERE DAYS I DID NOT THINK ABOUT YOU.
>> YOU DID NOT THINK ABOUT ME.
AND I THINK JOE WILL GET BACK TO THAT.
I THINK HE WILL HAVE SOME SUCCESS IN BUILDING BACK SOCIAL
TRUST BECAUSE HE IS NATURALLY SOMEONE WHO IS EMPATHETIC AND
CARES ABOUT PEOPLE.
BUT I THINK THAT WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A LARGER CHALLENGE IN
FIGURING OUT WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS SPLINTERED MEDIA LANDSCAPE.
I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE, BUT I CAN'T EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH,
WHEN YOU AND I WERE GROWING UP, YOU HAD WALTER CRONKITE, DAVID
BRINKLEY, JOHN CHANCELLOR.
IT WASN'IT WASN'T SCINTILLATING TELEVISION, BUT WHETHER YOU WERE
A CONSERVATIVE OR LIBERAL, YOU GOT YOUR NEWS FROM THE SAME
PLACE, SO YOU HAD SOME COMMON BASELINE OF FACTS, AND NOW YOU
DON'T.
AND HOW YOU CHANGE THAT FORMULA, WITH THE INTERNET AND 5,000
CABLE STATIONS AND THE DEATH OF SMALLTOWN NEWSPAPERS AND EVEN
LOCAL TV NOW BEING BOUGHT OUT BY SINCLAIR SO THAT THEY'RE NOW
PUMPING OUT SORT OF A MORE UNIFORM IDEOLOGICAL LINE ON
EVERYTHING, THAT MAKES THINGS MORE DIFFICULT, AND I THINK THAT
JOE'S PRESIDENCY WILL HELP LOWER THE TEMPERATURE, BUT THE
UNDERLYING CHALLENGE OF US GETTING BACK TO THE POINT WHERE
WE CAN AT LEAST AGREE THAT, LET'S SAY JOE BIDEN GOT MORE
VOTES, YOU KNOW, IF THAT'S -- WE CAN ARGUE ABOUT WHY, WHETHER HE
DESERVED TO GET MORE VOTES, ET CETERA, BUT HE GOT MORE
VOTES.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THIS ARGUMENT, YOU SAY JOE BIDEN
GOT MORE VOTES.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: HOW COULD HE HAVE GOTTEN MORE VOTES IF THE
PRESIDENT WON?
HE WON, SO THE OTHER GUY GETTING MORE VOTES FEELS FISHY, DOESN'T
IT?
WHEN YOU LOOK AT IT THAT WAY, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND HOW OTHER
PEOPLE ARE LOOKING AT IT.
GET OUTSIDE YOUR BUBBLE, SIR.
THINK ABOUT HOW SOMEBODY ELSE IS LOOKING AT IT.
HE WON SO WHY ARE THERE SO MANY VOTES ON THE OTHER SIDE?
>> SOMETHING'S WRONG.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
ON BEHALF OF SO MANY AMERICANS, I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY.
>> I WAS TALKING TO FRIEND OF MINE ABOUT THIS AND I WAS TRYING
TO USE A SIMPLE ANALOGY THAT I THINK EVERYBODY UNDERSTANDS,
WHAT'S SOMETHING WE STILL HAVE IN COMMON, AND DESPITE
CONTROVERSIES AROUND C.T., ET CETERA, PEOPLE STILT WATCH
FOOTBALL.
SO YOU IMAGINE THE SUPER BOWL AND, YOU KNOW, THE GAME'S GOING
ON AND TOUCHDOWNs ARE SUPPOSED TO BE WORTH SIX POINTS WITH THE
EXTRA POINT, UNLESS YOU GO FOR TWO, AND FIELD GOALS ARE WORTH
THREE POINTS, AND YOU'RE KEEPING SCORE THE WHOLE TIME, AND THERE
ARE REFS, AND AT THE END OF THE GAME A TEAM'S WON AND SOMEBODY
SAYS, NO!
FIELD GOALS AREN'T WORTH ETHREE, OR THAT WASN'T REALLY A
TOUCHDOWN.
>> Stephen: HUGO CHAVEZ KEPT BLOCKING THE FIELD GOAL FROM THE
GRAVE!
>> WE'VE ALL BEEN WATCHING, AND I GUESS, IF YOU HAD -- THE OTHER
PEOPLE JUST REFUSED TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT AND YOU HAD HALF
THE LEAGUE SAY WE'RE NOT SURE IT'S TRUE, YOU WOULD HAVE A
SIMILAR CONTROVERSY, BUT WHEN THAT STARTS HAPPENING, THE GAME
BREAKS DOWN AND IN THIS CASE IT'S OUR DEMOCRACY, OUR
DEMOCRACY STARTS FALLING APART.
IMAGINE IF, GOING FORWARD, EVERY SINGLE ELECTION IS TREATED THIS
WAY AT EVERY LEVEL, IMAGINE IF DEMOCRATS START ACTING THIS
WAY -- >> Stephen: IS THAT PART OF
THE DANGER THAT HE'S BROKEN THE SEAL ON THAT IDEA.
>> THAT IS THE CONCERN THAT I THINK WE ALL HAVE.
JOE BIDEN'S GOING TO BE THE NEXT PRESIDENT, KAMALA HARRIS IS
GOING TO BE THE NEXT VICE PRESIDENT, BUT WE DON'T
WANT TO GET INTO A PATTERN WHERE WE JUST ARE WILLING TO THROW OUT
WHAT WE'VE AGREED TO PREVIOUSLY, INCLUDING OUR CONSTITUTIONAL
STRUCTURE, JUST BECAUSE WE FIND IT POLITICALLY EXPEDIENT.
>> Stephen: A LOT OF PRESIDENTS, ONCE THEY LEAVE
OFFICE, BECOMES FRIENDS OR ARE FAMILIAR WITH THE OTHER
PRESIDENT.
THEY LAY DOWN THEIR SWORD AND SHIELD A LITTLE BIT.
YOU'VE PLAYED GOLF WITH PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH AND
BILL CLINTON.
DO YOU HAVE A TEE TIME WITH THE CURRENT PRESIDENT YET?
>> I DO NOT.
FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND, HE'S A PRETTY GOOD GOLFER.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
I UNDERSTAND, SHOCKINGLY ENOUGH, THERE ARE SOMETIMES
PROBLEMS WITH THE SCORING, AND WHETHER HE'S KEEPING TRACK OF
HIS STROKES.
>> Stephen: THAT'S HUGO CHAVEZ AGAIN.
THAT'S HIS CADDY.
>> IT'S SURPRISING.
>> Stephen: I LOVE THE PLANS OF THE OBAMA LIBRARY ON THE
SOUTH SIDE OF CHICAGO.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
LOOKS LIKE STAR FLIGHT HEADQUARTERS LANDED THERE.
YOU HAVE A MUSEUM, GYM WHERE YOU CAN PLAY BASKETBALL, BUMPER
CARS, WATER SLIDE, WHAT ELSE.
>> THE BUMPER CARS, NO.
>> Stephen: YOU COULDN'T FUND THAT?
>> NO, UNLESS YOU WANT TO CONFUSE THAT.
STEPHEN COLBERT MEMORIAL BUMPER CARS.
>> Stephen: SOMEBODY PRICE IT AND I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
>> THIS COULD END UP BEING NOT JUST -- THE GOAL IS NOT JUST
HAVE SOME MAUSOLEUM TO ME.
IT'S RATHER TO CREATE A LIVING DYNAMIC CENTER AROUND WHICH
YOUNG PEOPLE CAN GET INSPIRED AND EVEN TRY THEIR HAND AT AND
LEARN ABOUT HOW THEIR VOICES CAN BRING ABOUT CHANGE.
>> Stephen: ONE OF THE DETAILS I LIKE IS THIS IS GOING TO BE
THE FIRST PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY THAT'S ALL DIGITAL.
THERE'S NO PAPER.
IS THAT BECAUSE AFTER THIS BOOK THERE IS NO PAPER LEFT?
>> THAT'S IT.
>> Stephen: IS THIS WHY THERE WAS A PAPER SHORTAGE IN THE
SPRING?
DID ALL THE TOILET PAPER FETE REROUTED AND RE-PULPED INTO THIS
THING?
A LOT OF PAGES, 740 PAGES.
>> 701, THE ACTUAL STUFF TO READ.
>> Stephen: INDEX IS THERE AND I'M NOT IN IT.
748 PAGES AND I DON'T EVEN GET MENTIONED IN HERE.
WE DID A BUNCH OF STUFF TOGETHER.
>> VOLUME TWO.
>> Stephen: OKAY, GOOD.
A LOT OF SIMILAR STORIES BETWEEN THESE TWO.
A LITTLE CROSSOVER IN THINGS LIKE THIS.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: IN HER BOOK, MEETING AND YOUR COURTSHIP TO
YOUR ENGAGEMENT, 63 PAGES.
THREE PAGES.
THREE PAGES!
>> ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME IN TROUBLE?
>> Stephen: I'M JUST SURPRISED YOUR EDITOR DIDN'T STOP YOU FROM
GETTING IN TROUBLE.
>> NUMBER ONE, I'M NOT GOING TO CHALLENGE HER VERSION TO HAVE
THE EVENTS.
SO SHE'S DONE IT, THAT'S HOW IT HAPPENED.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
ECONDLY, IN MY SECOND BOOK, I TALK ABOUT MEETING HER,
ALREADY.
SO I'VE SPREAD THE STORY OF OUR MEETING OVER THREE BOOKS AND SHE
JUST CONDENSED IT ALL INTO ONE.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER BREAK, SIR, BUT STICK
AROUND.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MICHELLE OBAMA'S HUSBAND.
♪ AT LAST ♪ ♪ MY LOVE HAS COME ALONG ♪
♪ MY LONELY DAYS ARE OVER ♪
AND LIFE IS LIKE A SONG, WHOO ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE HERE WITH PRESIDENT BARACK
OBAMA, DISCUSSING HIS PRESIDENCY AND HIS NEW BOOK, "A PROMISED
LAND."
YOU WRITE ABOUT A TRIP TO EGYPT AND SEEING AN ANCIENT
HIEROGLYPHIC, A PAINTING OR DRAWING ON THE WALL OF A TOMB
THAT ONE OF YOUR STAFFERS SAYS, BOY, THAT REALLY LOOKS LIKE YOU.
YOU SAW IT AND IMAGINED THE LIFE OF THE MAN IN THE ETCHING AND
SAID ALL OF IT IS FORGOT B NOW, NONE OF IT MATTERED, THE
PHARAOH, SLAVE, VANDAL ALL TURNED TO DUST, JUST LIKE EVERY
SPEECH I DELIVERED, LAW I PASSED AND DECISION I MADE WOULD SOON
BE FORGOTTEN JUST AS I AND ALL THOSE I LOVE WOULD SOME DAY TURN
TO DUST.
ARE YOU OKAY?
BECAUSE IF I SAW THAT IN THE DIARY OF A 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL, I
WOULD GO, WE'RE GOING TO GET YOU SOME HELP.
>> LOOK, YOU KNOW, I SHOULD POINT OUT THAT THAT IS IN THE
SAME CHAPTER THAT THEN ENDS IN NORMANDY, AND I GUESS PART OF
WHAT THAT CHAPTER IS ABOUT IS, YOU KNOW, PART OF HOW TO
MAINTAIN YOUR STEADY STATE IN THIS HIGH-PRESSURED JOB, FOR ME,
AT LEAST, WAS TO TAKE THE LONG VIEW AND TO REMIND YOURSELF,
LOOK, THERE ARE GOING TO BE UPS AND DOWNS, THERE ARE POLL
NUMBERS, SOMEBODY IS AGGRAVATING YOU, YOU LOST A VOTE ON THIS,
THAT OR THE OTHER, AND JUST REMINDING YOURSELVES THAT, IN
THE SWEEP OF HISTORY, THIS IS NOT TRAGIC, WHAT'S HAPPENING
RIGHT NOW.
THERE ARE BIGGER THINGS THAT MATTER.
BUT YOU HAVE TO KEEP THAT IN MIND, YOU KNOW, THE FACT THAT IT
ALL TURNS TO DUST, WITH THIS OTHER POINT OF VIEW, WHICH IS,
WITHIN THE TIME FRAME OF HUMAN HISTORY THAT AT LEAST WE CAN
COMPREHEND, ACTUALLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING DOES MATTER, AND YOU HAVE
TO KIND OF MAINTAIN THOSE TWO IDEAS AT THE SAME TIME.
IF YOU UNDERSTAND THE MAGNITUDE OF WHAT YOU'RE DOING EVERY
SINGLE MOMENT, THEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE PARALYZED.
SO OCCASIONALLY, YOU HAVE TO PULL BACK AND SAY, LOOK, YOU DO
YOUR BEST AND YOU WILL BE OKAY.
BUT THEN YOU ALSO HAVE TO SAY, MAN, THIS COUNTS, YOU KNOW,
PEOPLE'S LIVES ARE SAVED, SOMEBODY'S GOING TO GET
HEALTHCARE, SOME CHILD'S GOING TO GET EDUCATION.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU MAKE THIS STEP INSTEAD OF THAT STEP, MAYBE, YOU
KNOW, THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T DESCEND INTO CONFLICT AND CIVIL
WAR, YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE MISTAKES, THERE ARE GOING TO BE
UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES, YOU HAVE TO TRY ANYWAY.
>> Stephen: WHEN YOU BECAME PRESIDENT, HOW QUICK DID YOU
LOOK BACK AT SENATOR BARACK OBAMA AND SAY THAT GUY DOESN'T
KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT, THAT GUY NEEDS A TALKING TO?
>> YEAH, THERE WERE A COUPLE OF TIMES WHERE YOU, PARTICULARLY
AROUND COUNTERTERRORISM ISSUES, WHERE I THINK IT IS DIFFERENT
WHEN YOU'RE ON THE SIDELINES THAN WHEN YOU ARE IN THE SEAT
AND YOU ARE SEEING COMING THROUGH THE TRANSOM JUST A
SERIES OF CLEAR, ACTIONABLE INTELLIGENCE INDICATING THAT
SOME ATTACK MIGHT BE TAKING PLACE, AND YOUR OVERRIDING
CONCERN ABOUT MAKING SURE THE COUNTRY IS SAFE, HOW YOU BALANCE
THAT CONCERN WITH CIVIL LIBERTIES ISSUES, WITH THEY
CANNING SURE THAT YOU ARE -- WITH MAKING SURE THAT YOU ARE
FOLLOWING THE LAW, THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS FOR ME THAT WERE
CLEAR, BRIGHT-LINE RULES, WE DON'T TORTURE, WE DON'T
INDEFINITELY HOLD PEOPLE, BUT THERE WERE OTHER ISSUES WHERE,
AS A SENATOR, MY ATTITUDE WAS, YOU KNOW, VERY HARD-NOSED, YOU
KNOW, WE SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS, WE SHOULDN'T BE DOING THAT
AND THEN, WHEN YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF IT, YOU'RE THINKING,
OKAY, BUT I REALLY DON'T WANT THIS PERSON TO BLOW UP A SUBWAY,
HOW DO WE DEAL WITH THAT.
>> Stephen: WOULD YOU PUT THE DRONE PROGRAM INTO THE THING
THAT YOUR SENATOR BARACK OBAMA DID NOT UNDERSTAND AS WELL AS
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA BECAUSE THAT IS SOMETHING YOU GOT A LOT
OF CRITICISM OVER.
>> THE DRONE PROGRAM I DEAL MORE IN THE SECOND VOLUME BECAUSE
WHAT I ACTUALLY DISCOVERED WAS THAT THE CONCERNS WERE BOTH
LEGITIMATE BUT NOT ALWAYS UNDERSTOOD.
THE PROBLEM WITH THE DRONE PROGRAM WAS NOT THAT IT CAUSED
AN INORDINATE AMOUNT OF CIVILIAN CASUALTIES, ALTHOUGH EVEN ONE
CIVILIAN CASUALTY IS TRAGIC, BUT IT ACTUALLY, THE DRONES PROBABLY
HAD LESS COLLATERAL DAMAGE, WHICH IS THE ANTISEPTIC WAY OF
SAYING IT KILLED PEOPLE WHO WERE INNOCENT AND NOT JUST TARGETS,
PROBABLY HAD FEWER -- LESS COLLATERAL DAMAGE THAN IF YOU
SEND IN TROOPS, FOR EXAMPLE, AND YOU'RE IN A FIREFIGHT, OR YOU'RE
DROPPING ORDINATES USING CONVENTIONAL PILOTS.
THE PROBLEM IS IT STARTS GIVING YOU THE ILLUSION THAT IT'S NOT
WAR.
>> Stephen: THE DISTANCE MAKES IT STERILE.
>> YES, AND WHAT I DISCOVERED, AND I WRITE ABOUT THIS IN THE
SECOND VOLUME, THE MACHINERY OF IT STARTED BECOMING TOO EASY,
AND I HAD TO ACTUALLY IMPOSE INTERNALLY A SUBSTANTIAL SET OF
REFORMS IN THE PROCESS TO STEP BACK AND REFINEDMIND EVERYONE
IN-- AND REMIND EVERYONE INVOLVED THIS ISN'T TARGET
PRACTICE.
EACH TIME WE MAKE THIS DECISION, WE ARE ENGAGED IN THE MOST
PROFOUND ACT THAT ANY GOVERNMENT CAN TAKE, WHICH IS, YOU KNOW,
USING LETHAL FORCE AGAINST PEOPLE, AND THERE HAVE TO BE
BETTER CHECKS AND BALANCES IN DOING IT.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A FAMOUSLY UNLEAKY WHITE HOUSE, NO
DRAMA OBAMA AND NO LEAKS IN THIS WHITE HOUSE.
I'VE SPOKEN TO FORMER STAFF MEMBERS OF YOURS WHO SAID THERE
WERE HEATED DEBATES OVER THE USE OF THE DRONES.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: AND I SAID, HOW COME WE DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT THIS?
LIKE, FOR THOSE OUT HERE WHO DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THIS USE OF
EXECUTIVE POWER -- >> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: -- A LITTLE LEAK ON THOSE HEATED DEBATES WOULD
HAVE HELPFUL FOR US TO UNDERSTAND THE THINKING THAT
WENT INTO THIS.
>> THAT'S PART OF WHAT I MEAN ABOUT THE IMBALANCE WHERE SO
MUCH OF FOREIGN POLICY AND MILITARY POLICY IS NOW ENTIRELY
HOUSED IN THE EXECUTIVE BRANCH, THAT CONGRESS GENERALLY IS --
AND THIS IS TRUE FOR BOTH SIDES --
>> Stephen: YOU MEAN BOTH SIDES OF THE POLITICAL AISLE?
>> BOTH SIDES OF THE POLITICAL AYE AISLE, THERE'S A TENDENCY
AMONG MEMBERS OF CONGRESS TO SAY WE'LL LET THE PRESIDENT MAKE A
FOREIGN POLICY DECISION AND WE'LL SEE DID IT WORK OR NOT AND
WEIGH IN BASED ON HOW ITS -- >> Stephen: WE'LL KEEP OUR
POWDER DREW BUT NOT AGAINST OUR ENEMY, MAYBE OUR POLITICAL
ENEMIES.
>> YEAH.
AND SOME OF THIS IS INEVITABLE.
IT'S ONE OF THE CHALLENGES OF THESE TERRORIST NETWORKS IS THAT
THEY HAVE -- BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT STATE ACTORS, YOU DON'T KNOW --
YOU DON'T HAVE A CLEAR VICTORY, YOU DON'T HAVE McARTHUR AND AN
ARMISTICE.
SO YOU HAD THE ENTIRE APPARATUS OF SECURITY THAT'S GROWN UP THAT
IS SOMEWHAT PERPETUAL, AND I THINK ONE OF THE BIG JOBS I HAD
WAS TO TRY TO, FIRST OF ALL, NOT MKE THAT THE END-ALL AND BE-ALL
OF OUR FOREIGN POLICY, TO TRY TO CREATE LEGAL STRUCTURES AROUND
IT, AND I THINK THAT I WAS SUCCESSFUL IN A LOT OF RESPECTS,
BUT THERE ARE SOME AREAS, LIKE CLOSING GUANTANAMO, THAT I
COULDN'T GET IT DONE.
>> Stephen: IT WAS MOVES IN PLACE THAT COULDN'T BE UNDONE?
>> I WAS SURPRISED AS COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF I COULD NOT
SHUT DOWN A FACILITY THAT WAS BOTH UNNECESSARY AND, IN MY
VIEW, CONTRARY TO OUR LEGAL TRADITIONS.
>> Stephen: DID YOU EVER ASK FOR INFORMATION AND THEY SAID WE
CAN'T TELL YOU?
>> NO, BUT I WILL TELL YOU THAT THERE WERE TIMES WHEN I ASKED
FOR INFORMATION AND IT CAME SLOWER THAN I WANTED.
>> Stephen: WHEN YOU SAY, GET ME THE DECLARATION OF
INDEPENDENCE, LEMON JUICE AND A BLOW DRYER AND WE'RE GOING TO
NICOLAS CAGE THIS BOY AND FIND A TREASURE MAP ON THE BACK.
>> THERE ARE TIMES WHEN PRYING INFORMATION OUT OF THE BOWELS
OVERAN AGENCY CAN BE CHALLENGING.
>> Stephen: U.F.O.s DID YOU ASK ABOUT THAT?
>> CERTAINLY ASKED ABOUT IT.
CAN'T TELL YOU ABOUT IT.
>> Stephen: IF YOU WOULD SAY THERE ARE NONE, THERE ARE NONE.
YOU JUST 100% SHOWED YOUR CARDS.
>> FEEL FREE TO THINK THAT.
>> Stephen: I DO.
IT MAKES ME HAPPY TO THINK YOU WON'T TELL ME ABOUT U.F.O.s.
>> CAN I SAY IT USED TO BE U.F.O.s, ROZ ROSWELL WAS THE
BIGGEST CONSPIRACY, AND NOW THAT'S TAME TO THINK THE
GOVERNMENT MIGHT HAVE AN ALIEN SPACE SHIP.
>> Stephen: NOW THE BIGGEST CONSPIRACY IS PEOPLE IN MICHIGAN
VOTE.
TAKING A BREAK.
BACK WITH MORE OF PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA.
♪ YOU CAN FEEL IT ALL OVER ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME BACK TO A "LATE SHOW."
HONOR TO BE SITTING DOWN WITH PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA.
I TALKED TO YOUR WIFE ABOUT THIS.
Y'ALL SEEM STRIKINGLY NORMAL.
LIKE IF I STILL LIVED IN CHICAGO, IF I HAD STAYED THERE,
I'M SURE WE WOULD RUN INTO EACH OTHER.
>> WE WOULD HANG OUT.
>> Stephen: YOU SEEM LIKE PEOPLE WE WOULD KNOW.
NOT EVERYBODY IN WASHINGTON, D.C. SEEMS THAT WAY
AFTER BEING HERE FOR 40 YEARS.
THEY'RE LOVELY PEOPLE, BUT THEY DON'T SEEM LIKE JUST FOLKS.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU GOT FROM, AND YOU TOUCH ON
THIS IN THE BOOK, BEING A COMMUNITY ORGANIZER, TO SNSHT,
TO PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, TO OUT, THAT ALLOWED YOU
TO ATTAIN A LITTLE BIT OF YOUR HUMANITY OR YOUR COMMONALITY OF
THE AMERICAN EXPERIENCE?
>> YOU KNOW, I THINK PART OF IT WAS MY POLITICAL SUCCESS
HAPPENED LATE.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU THINK ABOUT, LET'S SAY, BILL CLINTON, HE WAS,
I THINK, THE YOUNGEST GOVERNOR EVER IN ARKANSAS.
JOE BIDEN WAS A U.S. SENATOR AT 29.
YOU KNOW, AT 40, I HAD JUST LOST A CONGRESSIONAL RACE, I MAXED
OUT ON MY CREDIT CARDS, YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO THE GROCERY
STORE WITH MARIA AND SASHA IN TOW -- MALIA AND SASHA IN TOW.
ACTUALLY MALIA, BECAUSE SASHA WAS BORN A YEAR LATER.
AND, SO, WE HAD LIVED A NORMAL, MIDDLE CLASS LIFE WITH STUDENT
LOANS AND WASHING YOUR OWN CAR AND, YOU KNOW, WAITING FOR
LUGGAGE AT THE AIRPORT, YOU KNOW, COMING BACK FROM, YOU
KNOW, A VACATION.
AND, SO, WE THEN GET KIND OF SHOT OUT OF A CANON.
BUT YOU'RE FORMED BY THAT POINT, YOU KNOW.
AS I USED TO DESCRIBE TO FOLKS RIGHT AFTER I GAVE THAT SPEECH
AT THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION, I WASN'T SMARTER THE
DAY AFTER THAT SPEECH THAN I HAD BEEN THE DAY BEFORE.
MY FIRST BOOK WAS NO DIFFERENT, THE ONE THAT SOLD 14,000 COPIES
AND THEN SOLD 3 MILLION COPIES AFTER THAT SPEECH, RIGHT.
IT'S JUST, SUDDENLY, YOU'RE GETTING ALL THIS ATTENTION.
SO, I THINK, FOR MICHELLE AND FOR ME, WE BOTH TOOK THE
OUTSIZED FAME WITH A GRAIN OF SALT.
AND THEN, AS I WRITE ABOUT IN THE BOOK, IT ALSO HELPED TO HAVE
MY MOTHER-IN-LAW AROUND, WHO IS THE LEAST PRETENTIOUS PERSON I
KNOW.
>> Stephen: I HAVE MET HER.
HE'S DOWN TO EARTH AND SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND ALL THE FUSS,
AND, YOU KNOW, AND SHE WAS GREAT TO HAVE AROUND, ALSO, WITH THE
GIRLS.
I WRITE ABOUT THE FACT THAT PROBABLY MAYBE ONE OF MY
GREATEST SUCCESSES AND MICHELLE'S GREATEST SUCCESS IN
THOSE EIGHT YEARS WAS RAISING THESE GREAT GIRLS WHO DON'T HAVE
AN ATTITUDE AND DON'T FEEL ENTITLED, BUT PART OF IT IS
BECAUSE MY MOTHER-IN-LAW, IF SHE SAW THEM ACTING BRATTY OR -- YOU
GUYS HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING, WHY ARE YOU ACTING SPECIAL?
YOU'RE JUST HERE FOR THE RIDE, YOU KNOW.
AND THEY'D SUDDENLY GO, YOU'RE RIGHT, GRANDMA.
SO SHE WAS A HUGE BLESSING.
>> Stephen: IN THAT SPEECH IN 2004 IN THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL
CONVENTION, I WAS IN BOSTON WATCHING IT FROM ACROSS THE
STREET, WE WERE STRUCK -- I WAS WATCHING IT WITH ME AND JON
STEWART AND SOME OTHERS WERE WATCHING YOU GIVE THIS SPEECH
AND WERE SAYING, WHO'S THIS BARACK OBAMA GUY?
AND I BELIEVE THAT'S THE SPEECH WHERE YOU THREW IN I AM THE
GRANDSON OF A GOAT HERDER.
BOOM!
THAT IS THE HUMBLE BEGINNINGS NEUTRON BOMB.
DID YOU KNOW, LET'S PUT THIS IN HERE AND I'LL BLOW SON OF A MILK
MAN OFF THE STREENCHTS GOAT HERDER IS HARD TO TOP.
YOU HAVE TO GO BACK TO LOG CABIN DAYS TO BEAT GOAT HERDER.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO PAY THE BILLS AGAIN.
EVERYBODY STICK AROUND.
BACK WITH MORE PRESIDENT BRACH.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I GET TO TALK TO PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA.
BARACK OBAMA, AFTER EIGHT YEARS OF PRESIDENT AND NUMEROUS
INTERVIEWS, I'M SURE YOU HAVE BEEN ASKED EVERY QUESTION IN THE
WORLD.
WE WOULD LIKE TO DO A SEGMENT WE'RE CALLING QUESTIONS WE'RE
PRETTY SURE BARACK OBAMA HAS NEVER BEEN ASKED.
DAIRY QUEEN BLIZZARD OR FROSTIES FROM WENDY'S.
>> FROSTIES FROM WENDY'S.
>> Stephen: BEST MONOPOLY PLAYING PIECE?
>> THE CAR.
>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT, WHAT DID I SAY BEFORE?
THE CAR.
>> IT DOESN'T TIP OVER.
IT'S GOT GOOD STABILITY.
>> Stephen: IT'S THE CAR.
WHAT GOES IN A TOASTER.
>> TOAST.
>> Stephen: BREAD GOES IN THE TOASTER.
TOAST COMES OUT.
>> THAT WAS A TRICK QUESTION.
>> Stephen: HOW DOES DOLLY PARTON NOT HAVE A PRESIDENTIAL
MEDAL OF FREEDOM?
>> THAT'S A MISTAKE.
>> Stephen: YES.
I'M SHOCKED.
>> Stephen: LOOKING BACK ON YOUR EIGHT YEARS, DO YOU REALIZE
THAT'S THE MISTAKE THAT YOU MADE.
>> ACTUALLY, THAT WAS A SCREWUP.
I'M SURPRISED -- I THINK I ASSUMED THAT SHE HAD ALREADY GOT
ONE AND THAT WAS INCORRECT.
>> Stephen: I ASSUME, TOO.
I'M SURPRISED.
SHE DESERVES ONE.
I'LL CALL BIDEN.
>> Stephen: DO IT.
WE'RE A COUPLE OF DAYS BEFORE THANKSGIVING.
C.D.C. IS URGING FAMILIES TO JUST DO ZOOM THANKSGIVINGS RIGHT
NOW, DON'T HAVE YOUR FRIENDS OVER, SO I KNOW YOU CAN'T INVITE
ME BECAUSE IT JUST WOULDN'T BE SAY, IT WOULDN'T BE THE
RESPONSIBLE THING TO DO.
SO YOU KNOW I CAN'T COME AND I'M NOT GOING TO COME, BUT JUST FOR
NICETIES, WOULD YOU LIKE TO INVITE ME?
BECAUSE YOU KNOW I CAN'T COME.
>> I DID INVITE YOUR WIFE.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
I WOULDN'T INVITE YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU WOULD INVITE MY WIFE?
HONEY!
>> I ALSO THINK THAT SHE WILL BE OBSERVING ALL THE PERI PROTOCOLS
BETTER THAN YOU.
>> Stephen: CAN BY HER PLUS ONE?
>> WE'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
PRESIDENT OBAMA, I'VE REALLY ENJOYED TALKING TO YOU ABOUT
PART ONE OF YOUR MEMOIRS.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU SPHOIRTING DOWN FOR PART ONE OF
OUR INTERVIEW.
>> IT'S BEEN FANTASTIC.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> STEPHEN: WELL, THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
I WANT TO THANK MY GUEST PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA.
OKAY, HE'S GONE.
IS THERE ANY CHANCE -- DO WE KNOW IF HE'S COMING BACK?
AND EVERYONE IS GONE.
THERE'S NO ONE HERE.
DO WE KNOW HOW I'M GETTING HOME?
I'M SURE SOMEONE WILL COME BACK.
GOOD NIGHT.
HLLO!
Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
>> Stephen: HELLO!
IS THERE ROOM SERVICE HERE?