1
00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:03,086
>> AND NOW TO A DISCOVERY THAT'S
2
00:00:03,169 --> 00:00:05,046
GOT EVERYBODY SCRATCHING THEIR
HEAD.
3
00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:05,964
PUBLIC SAFETY OFFICERS IN UTAH
FOUND A MYSTERIOUS METAL
4
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:10,510
MONOLITH AT THE BOTTOM OF A
REMOTE CANYON.
5
00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:13,221
BETWEEN 10 AND 12 FEET LONG, THE
ORIGINS OF THE STRUCTURE ARE
6
00:00:13,304 --> 00:00:16,307
UNKNOWN.
7
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:20,145
>> COME, EXPERIENCE ALL UTAH HAS
TO OFFER, FROM DESERT TO LAKES
8
00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:25,275
TO CANYONS TO MOUNTAINS.
9
00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:30,363
ENJOY OUR FIVE NATIONAL PARKS
AND OVER 40 STATE PARKS.
10
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:36,286
DO NOT APPROACH THE MONOLITTLE,
IT WILL BECKON.
11
00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:41,958
UTAH HAS MORE SHORELINES THAN
THE U.S. PACIFIC COAST.
12
00:00:42,041 --> 00:00:43,793
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
13
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,503
>> THE MONOLITH WILLS ITSELF.
14
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:48,798
IT IS NOT OURS TO QUESTION THE
WAYS OF THE MONOLITH.
15
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:51,509
>> SO COME TO UTAH.
16
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:54,846
ENJOY EVERYTHING NATURE HAS TO
OFFER.
17
00:00:54,929 --> 00:01:08,318
AND THE MONOLITH.
18
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:11,696
>> YOU TAW-- COME FOR THE FUN,
STAY BECAUSE THE MONOLITH
19
00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:13,156
COMMANDS IT.
20
00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:17,368
>> >> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE
SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
21
00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:20,789
TONIGHT:
HAPPY ZOOMS-GIVING.
22
00:01:20,872 --> 00:01:25,001
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES
ROB CORDDRY
23
00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:31,007
AND CHEF JOSE ANDRES
AND A SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY
24
00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:34,844
JOHN LITHGOW
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
25
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:35,970
HOMIN'.
26
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:39,516
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM
THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE
27
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:42,310
BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S
STEPHEN COLBERT!
28
00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:44,854
>> Stephen: HELLO, FRIENDS!
29
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:48,191
WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
30
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:49,484
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
31
00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:53,530
AND, FOLKS, I AM STILL RIDING A
NATURAL HIGH OFF OF LAST NIGHT'S
32
00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,198
INTERVIEW WITH BARACK OBAMA.
33
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:58,284
IT WAS SUBSTANTIVE, SILLY, AND
SOMEBODY BROUGHT THE ROCK TO THE
34
00:01:58,368 --> 00:01:59,369
RIM.
35
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:02,539
DOESN'T MATTER WHO HAD THE
LIQUID GRACE OF A MID-'90s
36
00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:03,540
JORDAN.
37
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:06,251
THE IMPORTANT THING-- AND THIS
IS TRUE-- THAT WAS
38
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:09,712
20 MINUTES OF INTERVIEW.
39
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:12,507
WE TALKED FOR 100 MINUTES.
40
00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:18,221
THERE IS 80 MINUTES OF INTERVIEW
JUST AS GOOD AS THAT, 35 MINUTES
41
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:21,266
OF WHICH WE WILL BE SHOWING ON
ON'RE ON MONDAY?
42
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:31,609
ON MONDAY, FOR OUR EXCLUSIVE
SPECIAL:
43
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:34,237
THE OTHER 45 MINUTES WE'RE GOING
TO HAVE ETCHED ONTO A GOLDEN
44
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:38,241
DISK, WHICH THEN WILL BE SHOT
INTO SPACE SO FUTURE
45
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:41,244
CIVILIZATIONS WILL KNOW WHEN
TELEVISION PEAKED OR PUT IT OUT
46
00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:45,874
ON LIKE 45 TIKTOKS.
47
00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:47,000
BUT THAT WAS LAST NIGHT.
48
00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:52,714
AND, TODAY, THE PRESIDENT STILL
REFUSES TO CONCEDE, THE
49
00:02:52,797 --> 00:02:54,591
PRESIDENT-ELECT HAS BEGUN HIS
TRANSITION, AND PEOPLE ARE BEING
50
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:59,095
ASKED TO CURTAIL THEIR
THANKSGIVING PLANS BECAUSE THE
51
00:02:59,178 --> 00:03:00,138
PANDEMIC CONTINUES TO RAGE.
52
00:03:00,221 --> 00:03:05,560
SO I'M NOT GOING TO GET
SHIEPY OBJECTS OUT THERE.
53
00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:09,814
I'M GOING TO STAY FOCUSED ON THE
STORY-- A WEIRD MONOLITH WAS
54
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:11,900
FOUND IN THE UTAH DESERT.
55
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:12,901
OOH, SHINY!
56
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:13,651
WHAT COULD IT MEAN?
57
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,111
IS IT ALIENS MAKING FIRST
CONTACT?
58
00:03:15,194 --> 00:03:16,321
IS IT A SITE-SPECIFIC ART
INSTALLATION THAT EXAMINES THE
59
00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:18,698
DYNAMIC TENSION BETWEEN MAN AND
NATURE?
60
00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:21,993
OR IS IT A REALLY POORLY
INSTALLED STAINLESS STEEL
61
00:03:22,076 --> 00:03:23,828
BACKSPLASH?
62
00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:27,832
UTAH IS THE ULTIMATE
OPEN-CONCEPT KITCHEN.
63
00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:29,417
NOW, THERE'S A LOT OF
SPECULATION ABOUT THIS MYSTERY
64
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:33,546
PLINTH, SO WE'RE GOING TO DIVE
IN WITH OUR VERY FIRST
65
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:38,176
MONOLITH-THEMED MONOLOGUE, WHICH
WE'RE CALLING
66
00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:46,643
♪ ♪ ♪
>> THE MONO-LOGUE
67
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:49,979
>> Stephen: THAT IS ACTUALLY A
LONGER INTRO THAN THE SPECIAL
68
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:55,902
WITH OBAMA ON MONDAY.
69
00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:58,154
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED:
A CREW FROM THE UTAH DIVISION OF
70
00:03:58,237 --> 00:03:59,948
WILDLIFE RESOURCES WAS SURVEYING
THE AREA, COUNTING BIGHORN SHEEP
71
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:01,824
BY HELICOPTER.
72
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,117
INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS JOB:
YOU HAVE TO FLY THE CHOPPER,
73
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:07,914
COUNT THE SHEEP, AND NOT FALL
ASLEEP.
74
00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:13,711
WE'VE LOST A LOT OF GOOD SHEEP
COUNTERS THAT WAY.
75
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:19,467
THESE PEOPLE IN THE HELICOPTER,
THEY NOTICED THE MONOLITH,
76
00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:20,677
BECAUSE, ACCORDING TO ONE UTAH
WILDLIFE SPOKESMAN, "WE FLY
77
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,345
PRETTY LOW FOR THESE SURVEYS SO
WE CAN IDENTIFY THE GENDER OF
78
00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:23,888
THE SHEEP."
79
00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:26,182
HANG ON.
80
00:04:26,265 --> 00:04:27,892
YEAH, OKAY, ALIEN MONOLITH,
BUT...
81
00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:34,983
YOU CAN TELL A SHEEP'S GENDER
FROM A HELICOPTER?
82
00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:39,904
NOW WE KNOW WHY THEY'RE CALLED
"BIG HORN!"
83
00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:42,824
( LAUGHTER )
AH!
84
00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:44,867
THE CREW LANDED FOR A CLOSER
INSPECTION.
85
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:49,914
HERE THEY ARE, DOING THIS FOR
SOME REASON.
86
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:55,878
AND WE HAVE FOOTAGE OF MAN'S
FIRST CONTACT WITH THE MONOLITH.
87
00:04:55,962 --> 00:05:00,216
>> OKAY, THE INTREPID EXPLORERS
GO DOWN TO INVESTIGATE THE ALIEN
88
00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:02,260
LIFE FORM.
89
00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:03,386
( LAUGHS )
>> SO, THEY'VE CUT IT IN.
90
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:07,432
>> THEY'VE CUT IT IN?
91
00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:11,894
>> OKAY, WHO DOES THIS KIND OF
STUFF?
92
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:12,270
( LAUGHS )
>> HOLD ON.
93
00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:16,524
>> YEAH.
94
00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:19,110
>> Stephen: WOW.
95
00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:19,402
THAT IS ONE LOW-KEY REACTION TO
POTENTIALLY DISCOVERING ALIEN
96
00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:23,906
LIFE.
97
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,033
"HUH, WHAT'S THAT?
98
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:29,245
A TRACTOR BEAM PULLING ME UP TO
THE BELLY OF THE SHIP?
99
00:05:29,328 --> 00:05:31,414
WHAT IS THAT A PROBE IN YOUR
HAND?
100
00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:33,249
GARY, ARE YOU SEEING THIS?
101
00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:35,752
WHOOPS, MY BONES ARE LIQUID
NOW."
102
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:39,756
TH
THERE ARE NON-ALIEN THEORIES AS
103
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:48,139
TO HOW THIS MONOLITH GOT TO A
REMOTE REGION OF UTAH'S DESERT
104
00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:49,974
THAT'S CLOSED OFF TO THE GENERAL
PUBLIC.
105
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,309
SOME THINK IT COULD'VE BEEN A
ROGUE ARTIST OR A LEFTOVER MOVIE
106
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:54,312
PROP.
107
00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:57,482
ACCORDING TO ONE DEPARTMENT OF
PUBLIC SAFETY SPOKESMAN, THE
108
00:05:57,565 --> 00:06:01,944
MONOLITH APPEARED TO BE MADE OF
STAINLESS STEEL, PUT TOGETHER
109
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,071
"WITH HUMAN-MADE RIVETS."
110
00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:07,325
OKAY, BUT RIDDLE ME THIS: WHAT
HUMAN REFERS TO THEM AS
111
00:06:07,408 --> 00:06:12,789
"HUMAN-MADE RIVETS?"
WHAT'S THE NAME OF THAT
112
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,333
SPOKESMAN, "NICK STREET?"
CLEARLY A PANICKED GALACTIC
113
00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:17,835
TRAVELER MAKING HIS NAME UP ON
THE SPOT!
114
00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:19,796
( ALIEN VOICE )
"MY NAME IS NICK...
115
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:22,590
STREET.
116
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:25,968
MY WIFE IS... HONDA...
117
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,345
MAILBOX.
118
00:06:27,428 --> 00:06:29,597
SHE WEARS HUMAN-MADE SHOES."
119
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,808
WHAT MAKES THIS EVEN MORE
MYSTERIOUS IS THAT AUTHORITIES
120
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:35,937
POINT OUT "THERE ARE ROADS CLOSE
BY, BUT TO HAUL THE MATERIALS TO
121
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:41,526
CUT INTO THE ROCK AND HAUL THE
METAL-- WHICH IS TALLER THAN 12
122
00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:43,861
FEET IN SECTIONS-- TO DO ALL
THAT IN THAT REMOTE SPOT IS
123
00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:45,446
DEFINITELY INTERESTING."
124
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:46,614
"INTERESTING"?
125
00:06:46,697 --> 00:06:47,615
IT'S MORE THAN INTERESTING!
126
00:06:47,698 --> 00:06:50,076
THIS IS THE FIRST 15 MINUTES OF
A SCI-FI MOVIE.
127
00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:55,456
NEXT, WE'RE GOING TO MEET THE
ATTRACTIVE YOUNG GEOLOGIST
128
00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:59,168
PLAYED BY ZENDAYA, WHO GETS SENT
OUT THERE TO STUDY THE MONOLITH
129
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,838
WITH CURMUDGEONLY PROFESSOR PAUL
GIAMATTI AND A RUGGED, DISTANT,
130
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:06,801
YET KIND METALLURGIST PLAYED BY
CHRIS PINE.
131
00:07:06,884 --> 00:07:11,389
LOOK, I ALREADY-- I ALREADY HAVE
HALF OF IT WRITTEN!
132
00:07:11,472 --> 00:07:14,809
CALL ME, MONOLITH!
133
00:07:14,892 --> 00:07:18,896
BY THE WAY, THE MONOLITH IS
PLAYED BY VIN DIESEL.
134
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:22,525
IN POST-ELECTION ELECTION NEWS,
REALITY KEEPS MOVING FORWARD.
135
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:25,570
WITH THE ARROW OF TIME.
136
00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:27,029
YESTERDAY, OFFICIALS IN BOTH
PENNSYLVANIA AND NEVADA
137
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,448
CERTIFIED THAT JOE BIDEN WON
THEIR STATES.
138
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:31,409
EVEN THE WHITE HOUSE SEEMS TO BE
RECEIVING THE MESSAGE, BECAUSE
139
00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:34,495
THEY OFFICIALLY SIGNED OFF ON
JOE BIDEN GETTING THE
140
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:35,413
PRESIDENT'S DAILY BRIEF.
141
00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:38,583
WELL THAT'S GOING TO BE A NICE
CHANGE OF PACE
142
00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:41,419
FOR THE BRIEFERS TO GIVE A LIST
OF NATIONAL SECURITY THREATS TO
143
00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:42,670
A PRESIDENT WHO'S NOT ON IT.
144
00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:46,465
BUT IT MIGHT BE TOUGH FOR BIDEN,
BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT'S DAILY
145
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:50,052
BRIEFING IS OFTEN TAILORED TO
THE PRESIDENT CURRENTLY IN
146
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:51,262
OFFICE.
147
00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:54,056
WE ACTUALLY HAVE A COPY OF THE
BRIEFING THAT WAS MADE FOR THE
148
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:56,100
CURRENT PRESIDENT:
LET'S SEE THIS, JIM.
149
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:59,228
LET'S SEE, THIS ONE MEANS...
150
00:07:59,312 --> 00:07:59,729
GREAT DANE-JER.
151
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,106
UN-REST IN EYE-RACK.
152
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,610
( LAUGHTER )
YEAH, YEAH.
153
00:08:05,693 --> 00:08:08,070
IT'S FOR-- IT'S FOR THE
PRESIDENT.
154
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,198
YOU GOT TO PUT THE BOOBS IN, OR
HE WON'T PAY ATTENTION.
155
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:12,909
BUT IT SEEMS LIKE THE PRESIDENT
WANTS TO ENJOY ABUSING HIS
156
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,452
OFFICE RIGHT UP UNTIL THE BITTER
END, BECAUSE THIS AFTERNOON, HE
157
00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:16,537
TWEETED, "IT IS MY GREAT HONOR
TO ANNOUNCE THAT GENERAL
158
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:20,082
MICHAEL T. FLYNN HAS BEEN
GRANTED A FULL PARDON.
159
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:23,461
CONGRATULATIONS TO @GENFLYNN
AND HIS WONDERFUL FAMILY.
160
00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:26,881
I KNOW YOU WILL NOW HAVE A TRULY
FANTASTIC THANKSGIVING!"
161
00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:30,551
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS, BUT I
GUESS I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
162
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:33,971
KIND OF SUSPICIOUS ABOUT
YESTERDAY'S TURKEY PARDON.
163
00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:37,058
BUT THANKSGIVING IS A PERFECT
DAY TO PARDON FLYNN.
164
00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:39,560
AFTER ALL, IT'S ALL ABOUT
TURKEY-- THE COUNTRY HE WAS
165
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:42,730
BEING PAID TO REPRESENT SECRETLY
WHILE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
166
00:08:42,813 --> 00:08:47,443
WORKING FOR AMERICA.
167
00:08:47,526 --> 00:08:50,112
STILL, IT'S IN KEEPING WITH
TRADITION WITH THE FIRST
168
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,322
THANKSGIVING, WHEN THE PILGRIMS
AND NATIVE AMERICANS CAME
169
00:08:51,405 --> 00:08:54,492
TOGETHER IN HARMONY TO ESTABLISH
A SECRET BACK-CHANNEL WITH THE
170
00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:57,828
RUSSIAN AMBASSADOR AND THEN LIE
ABOUT IT TO THE F.B.I.
171
00:08:57,912 --> 00:09:00,831
OR AS THEY CALLED IT, MAIZE.
172
00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:02,625
THE PRESIDENT ISSUED THE PARDON
DESPITE THE FACT THAT BACK IN
173
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:05,294
2017, HE TWEETED THIS:
"I HAD TO FIRE GENERAL FLYNN
174
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:09,507
BECAUSE HE LIED TO THE VICE
PRESIDENT AND THE F.B.I.
175
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:14,679
HE HAS PLED GUILTY TO THOSE
LIES."
176
00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:18,641
SURE, HE LIED TO THE F.B.I. AND
PLEAD GUILTY TO IT, BUT CAN YOU
177
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,309
REALLY TRUST THAT CONFESSION?
178
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,560
THE GUY IS AN ADMITTED LIAR!
179
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:26,440
FLYNN HAD ILLEGAL CONVERSATIONS
WITH THE RUSSIANS AND THEN LIED
180
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:27,692
TO THE F.B.I. ABOUT THEM.
181
00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:32,029
TWO WRONGS MAY NOT MAKE A RIGHT,
BUT THIS PRESIDENT IS DETERMINED
182
00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,281
TO FIND OUT HOW MANY DO.
183
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:34,031
SO THE PRESIDENT IS CERTAINLY
ACTING LIKE A GUY WHOSE DAYS ARE
184
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:38,160
NUMBERED, BUT HE HAS NOT
CONCEDED.
185
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:39,870
I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE LATEST
DETAILS OF THIS NEVER-CHANGING
186
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:42,623
STORY IN TONIGHT'S:
>> GOBBLE, GOBBLE!
187
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:44,292
I SUSPECT FOWL PLAY!
188
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:46,794
GOBBLE, GOBBLE!
189
00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:50,673
I'M PRESIDENT, AND THERE'S
STUFFING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!
190
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:56,345
GOBBLE, GOBBLE!"
>> "THE ROAD FROM THE WHITE
191
00:09:56,429 --> 00:10:00,099
HOUSE!"
>> Stephen: TODAY, THE PRESIDENT
192
00:10:00,182 --> 00:10:02,727
WAS SUPPOSED TO ATTEND THE
LATEST FRAUD-FEST STARRING
193
00:10:02,810 --> 00:10:08,357
ALLEGED ATTORNEY AND PAGAN
PRIEST SUMMONING THE NORSE GOD
194
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:09,525
OF DENTISTRY, RUDY GIULIANI.
195
00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:14,739
GIULIANI WAS HOLDING AN EVENT
WITH PENNSYLVANIA REPUBLICAN
196
00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:19,035
STATE SENATORS, BUT IT WASN'T AN
OFFICIAL SENATE HEARING, BECAUSE
197
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:20,202
THEY WERE HOLDING IT AT A HOTEL,
NOT AT THE STATE CAPITOL.
198
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,038
YEAH, IT'S NOT AN OFFICIAL
EVENT.
199
00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:23,706
IT WAS MORE OF A FRAUD-FAN
CONVENTION.
200
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:26,709
THAT'S WHY THEY CALLED IT
"ELECTION CON-CON."
201
00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:31,756
THE PRESIDENT EXPRESSED STRONG
INTEREST IN JOINING GIULIANI
202
00:10:31,839 --> 00:10:34,425
FOR THE TRIP, HIS FIRST OUTSIDE
OF THE WASHINGTON AREA SINCE
203
00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:37,887
ELECTION DAY-- HIS FIRST, BUT
NOT HIS LAST.
204
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:41,682
BUT THIS MORNING, AS EVERYONE
WAS GETTING SET TO DEPART FOR
205
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:44,393
PENNSYLVANIA, THE WHITE HOUSE
ANNOUNCED THAT THE TRIP HAD BEEN
206
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:47,396
CANCELED, POSSIBLY BECAUSE AT
LEAST TWO PEOPLE CLOSE TO
207
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,774
GIULIANI HAVE CONTRACTED
COVID-19.
208
00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:52,485
NOW, NO ONE KNOWS EXACTLY HOW
THE STAFFERS GOT THE VIRUS.
209
00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:56,447
POSSIBLY THEY CAUGHT IT FROM
SOMEONE IN THE PRESIDENT'S INNER
210
00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:57,656
CIRCLE.
211
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:02,870
OR IT IS POSSIBLE THEY GOT IT
BECAUSE IT WAS THE WILL OF THE
212
00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:12,296
MONOLITH!
213
00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:14,799
NOW, DESPITE THE POSITIVE TEST,
GIULIANI WENT TO PENNSYLVANIA
214
00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:18,928
ANYWAY, AND DURING THE
"HEARING," THE PRESIDENT CALLED
215
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:23,099
JENNA ELLIS, ONE OF THE OTHER
LAWYERS, AND SHE HELD HIM UP TO
216
00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:25,768
THE MIC:
>> I REALLY APPRECIATE BEING
217
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:28,104
ASKED TO SPEAK, AND I'M IN THE
OVAL OFFICE RIGHT NOW, AND IT'S
218
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:30,606
VERY INTERESTING TO SEE WHAT'S
GOING ON.
219
00:11:30,689 --> 00:11:32,942
>> Stephen: I'M NOT SAYING THE
PRESIDENT HAS GIVEN UP ON THE
220
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:36,278
IDEA OF OVERTURNING THE
ELECTION, BUT I WILL POINT OUT
221
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:40,116
HE IS LITERALLY PHONING IT IN.
222
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:42,660
AS I SAID, THIS IS OUR COUNTRY'S
FIRST COVID THANKSGIVING, AND
223
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:44,578
THE EXPERTS ARE URGING US TO
MAKE IT OUR SAFEST THANKSGIVING
224
00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:48,457
EVER BY NOT GATHERING OR
TRAVELING.
225
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,502
OR AS ONE CALIFORNIA OFFICIAL
PUT IT: JUST SAY "NO" TO FAMILY
226
00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:53,504
THANKSGIVING.
227
00:11:53,587 --> 00:11:54,296
"JUST SAY NO"?
228
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,465
I WOULDN'T USE THE ANTI-DRUG
SLOGAN.
229
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:56,799
NOW KIDS ARE JUST GOING TO HAVE
THANKSGIVING IN SECRET UNDER THE
230
00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,676
BLEACHERS.
231
00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:02,930
THEY'RE GOING TO BE HUFFING
STUFFING!
232
00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:07,184
YOU CAN TELL FROM THE CRANBERRY
RING.
233
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:08,519
ONE HOME WHERE THEY SHOULD BE
REALLY CAREFUL THIS HOLIDAY
234
00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:09,728
SEASON IS THE WHITE HOUSE.
235
00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:11,814
EVER SINCE ELECTION DAY, THE
WHITE HOUSE HAS BEEN CIRCULATING
236
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:14,859
TWO THINGS: FAKE CASES OF VOTER
FRAUD AND REAL CASES OF
237
00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:16,485
CORONAVIRUS.
238
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,696
SO FAR, AT LEAST 45 PEOPLE
CONNECTED TO THE WHITE HOUSE
239
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:19,780
HAVE CONTRACTED THE VIRUS.
240
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:24,493
RECENT CASES INCLUDE MARK
MEADOWS, BEN CARSON, COREY
241
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,455
LEWANDOWSKI, AND DON JR., ALL OF
WHOM TESTED POSITIVE AFTER
242
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:31,792
ATTENDING AN ELECTION-NIGHT
WATCH PARTY IN THE WHITE HOUSE.
243
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:34,879
OBVIOUSLY, THEY ALL SHOULD HAVE
WORN A MASK, AND KEPT A SIX-FOOT
244
00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:36,505
DISTANCE BETWEEN THEIR LIPS AND
THE PRESIDENT'S BUTT.
245
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,841
WELL, THE WHITE HOUSE HAS
LEARNED THEIR LESSON FROM THE
246
00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:42,678
ELECTION-NIGHT PARTY: HAVE A
DIFFERENT KIND OF PARTY,
247
00:12:42,761 --> 00:12:44,472
BECAUSE THE WHITE HOUSE IS
PLANNING HOLIDAY PARTIES INDOORS
248
00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:45,264
DESPITE THE PANDEMIC.
249
00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:48,267
WELL, THEY HAVE TO HAVE THE
PARTIES!
250
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:53,481
RUDY'S ALREADY MADE A BATCH OF
DELICIOUS HOLIDAY HEAD-NOG!
251
00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:56,484
BUT THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE
PRECAUTIONS.
252
00:12:56,567 --> 00:13:00,196
FOOD WILL BE "INDIVIDUALLY
PLATED BY CHEFS AT
253
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,531
PLEXIGLASS-PROTECTED FOOD
STATIONS," AND "ALL PASSED
254
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:03,699
BEVERAGES WILL BE COVERED."
255
00:13:03,782 --> 00:13:06,702
SO, THE C.D.C. HAS FINALLY
ACHIEVED SIZZLER SALAD BAR AND
256
00:13:06,785 --> 00:13:08,162
SIPPY CUP TECHNOLOGY.
257
00:13:08,245 --> 00:13:09,205
BUT NO MATTER HOW MANY
PRECAUTIONS THEY TAKE, THERE'S
258
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:12,583
ALWAYS SOME RISK.
259
00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:14,627
SO THE WHITE HOUSE WARNED
INVITEES THAT "ATTENDING THE
260
00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:21,842
PARTIES WILL BE A VERY PERSONAL
CHOICE."
261
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:24,094
YES, IT IS AN IMPORTANT PERSONAL
CHOICE, REMINDS ME OF THAT
262
00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:26,931
ROBERT FROST POEM: "TWO ROADS
DIVERGED IN A YELLOW WOOD, AND I
263
00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:28,557
TOOK THE ONE WITHOUT COVID.
264
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,184
BECAUSE I'M NOT AN IDIOT."
265
00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:31,727
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT!
266
00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:33,187
OUR GUEST IS ROB CORDDRY.
267
00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:36,232
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, I GET A
VISIT FROM THE PRESIDENT'S
268
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:36,607
LAWYER.
269
00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:39,777
STICK AROUND!
270
00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:43,822
♪ ♪ ♪
271
00:13:57,127 --> 00:14:07,638
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
272
00:14:07,721 --> 00:14:09,014
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK!
273
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:11,934
LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.
274
00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:15,396
HELLO, JON
♪ PLEASE, SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE ♪
275
00:14:15,479 --> 00:14:19,108
>> Stephen: AND SWALLOW THOSE
BISCUITS TOO.
276
00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:21,443
HAVE YOU GOTTEN THE BISCUITS?
277
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:25,406
HAVE YOUR MOM AND DAD GOT THE
BISCUITS IN LOSE?
278
00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:26,824
>> Jon: WE GOT THE BISCUITS!
279
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:27,992
OH, MY GOODNESS!
280
00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:33,998
I GOT MY SHM TODAY, AND I'M
BAKING A LOT OF STUFF, BUT THE
281
00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:34,832
BISCUIT IS KING.
282
00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:36,292
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW WHAT
THEY DO.
283
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:37,960
THEY USE SOME OF THAT SOUTHERN
WITCHCRAFT IN THERE.
284
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:38,836
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
285
00:14:38,919 --> 00:14:41,005
IT'S THE SALT WATER.
286
00:14:41,088 --> 00:14:43,132
I HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY
THANKSGIVING.
287
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:44,842
PLEASE GIVE MY LOVE TO YOUR
PARENTS.
288
00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:47,928
>> Jon: YES, INDEED, MUCH
LOVE.
289
00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:51,599
THEY LOVED YOUR OBAMA INTERVIEW,
SO MUCH MUTUAL RESPECT.
290
00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:52,474
>> Stephen: TELL THEM TO CHECK
OUT MONDAY.
291
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:56,145
WE HAVE ANOTHER 35-40 MINUTES ON
MONDAY.
292
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:57,062
>> Jon: FOR SURE.
293
00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,814
>> Stephen: HAPPY
THANKSGIVING, STAY SAFE.
294
00:14:58,897 --> 00:15:02,484
>> Jon: YOU, TOO, HAPPY
THANKSGIVING TO EVIE AND THE
295
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:03,235
WHOLE FAMILY.
296
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:08,616
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE,
EVERYBODY.
297
00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:09,867
FOLKS, THE PRESIDENT MAY FINALLY
BE ALLOWING THE PEACEFUL
298
00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:13,579
TRANSITION OF POWER, BUT HE'S
ALSO VOWED TO WIN HIS LEGAL
299
00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:14,705
BATTLE TO OVERTURN THE ELECTION.
300
00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:17,625
UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM, THE
PERSON IN CHARGE OF THAT LEGAL
301
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:20,127
FIGHT IS RUDY GIUILANI.
302
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:21,503
AND THIS HAS NOT EXACTLY BEEN
RUDY'S MONTH.
303
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,505
FIRST, HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE
"BORAT" SEQUEL DEMANDING ALL
304
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:25,549
RISE IN THE COURTROOM OF HIS
PANTS.
305
00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:29,511
THEN HE HELD A PRESS CONFERENCE
AT A LANDSCAPING COMPANY NEXT TO
306
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:36,018
A PORN SHOP, FOLLOWED BY A
LESS-THAN-STELLAR PERFORMANCE IN
307
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:39,021
COURT, WHERE, WHILE READING FROM
THE COMPLAINT HE WAS FILING,
308
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:40,898
GIULIANI STOPPED TO SAY, "I'M
NOT QUITE SURE I KNOW WHAT
309
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:41,732
"OPACITY" MEANS.
310
00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:43,025
IT PROBABLY MEANS YOU CAN SEE,
RIGHT?"
311
00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:47,363
TO WHICH THE JUDGE SAID, "IT
MEANS YOU CAN'T."
312
00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:49,698
TO WHICH RUDY REPLIED, "BIG
WORDS, YOUR HONOR."
313
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,283
OKAY, THEN I'LL USE SMALL ONES:
WOW...
314
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:51,825
YOU...
315
00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:52,076
SUCK...
316
00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:52,368
AT...
317
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:53,702
LAW...
318
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:57,539
STUFF.
319
00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:58,749
THEN, OF COURSE, THERE WAS HIS
UNHINGED PRESS CONFERENCE LAST
320
00:15:58,832 --> 00:16:05,381
WEEK, WHERE GIULIANI CITED "MY
COUSIN VINNY" TO EXPLAIN THE
321
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:09,677
PRESIDENT'S LEGAL CHALLENGE,
AND SPOUTED CONSPIRACY THEORIES
322
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:12,054
ABOUT U.S. VOTES BEING "COUNTED
IN EUROPE BY A COMPANY OWNED BY
323
00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:14,223
VENEZUELA'S SOCIALIST LEADERS,"
AND HOW BALLOTS COULD BE CAST BY
324
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:15,974
'A DEAD PERSON' OR 'MICKEY
MOUSE.'"
325
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:20,729
AND IF THAT WASN'T EMBARRASSING
ENOUGH, HE DELIVERED THAT PRESS
326
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:24,066
CONFERENCE WITH STREAMS OF HAIR
DYE DRIPPING DOWN HIS FACE.
327
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:29,697
SO THE ONLY EVIDENCE THAT RUDY
HAS UNCOVERED IS THAT HE'S NOT A
328
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:30,906
NATURAL BRUNETTE.
329
00:16:30,989 --> 00:16:34,576
AND AFTER ALL THAT, IT'S BEING
REPORTED THAT THE PRESIDENT NOW
330
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:35,077
BELIEVES THAT RUDY AND HIS TEAM
ARE "FOOLS THAT ARE MAKING HIM
331
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:35,536
LOOK BAD."
332
00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:37,621
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
333
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:41,625
THEY ARE FOOLS WHO, BY
COMPARISON, ARE MAKING HIM LOOK
334
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:42,918
PRETTY GOOD.
335
00:16:43,001 --> 00:16:45,129
SO NOW THE PRESIDENT'S LAWYER IS
IN THE MIDST OF A LEGAL FIGHT HE
336
00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:49,383
CAN'T WIN ON BEHALF OF A CLIENT
WHO NO LONGER TRUSTS HIM.
337
00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:52,428
HERE TO TELL US WHAT THIS ALL
MEANS IS THE PRESIDENT'S
338
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:57,224
PERSONAL LAWYER HIMSELF, RUDY
GIULIANI.
339
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:57,808
MR. MAYOR?
340
00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:00,144
MR. MAYOR?
341
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:02,104
THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME,
NOW, THERE'S A LOT TO TALK
342
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:04,106
ABOUT, SIR.
343
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:04,440
>> HOLD ON!
344
00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:05,691
STOP!
345
00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:09,737
BEFORE WE START THE INTERVIEW,
I HAVE TO ASK: ARE YOU A BORAT?
346
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:13,240
BECAUSE, LEGALLY, YOU HAVE TO
TELL ME IF YOU'RE A BORAT!
347
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:17,745
>> Stephen: NO, MR. MAYOR, I AM
NOT A BORAT.
348
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:20,247
>> GOOD.
349
00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,166
LET ME TURN ON THE MICROPHONE
I'VE HIDDEN IN MY PANTS.
350
00:17:22,249 --> 00:17:24,126
HELLO?
351
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:24,960
HELLO?
352
00:17:25,043 --> 00:17:26,128
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
353
00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:30,883
>> Stephen: YES, I CAN HEAR
YOU.
354
00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:33,761
>> GOOD, THEN MY CROTCH IS
WORKING.
355
00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:37,973
>> Stephen: LET'S GET RIGHT TO
IT, SIR: HAVE YOU LOST THE
356
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,141
PRESIDENT'S TRUST BY SPOUTING SO
MANY UNFOUNDED CONSPIRACY
357
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:39,767
THEORIES?
358
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,643
>> I HAVEN'T LOST HIS TRUST!
359
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:44,813
IT WAS STOLEN!
360
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,649
JUST LIKE ALL THE VOTES THAT
WERE STOLEN BY THE SOCIALISTS AT
361
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:48,358
EURO-DISNEY!
362
00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:49,818
AND IT'S NOT JUST MICKEY MOUSE!
363
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:57,826
I HAVE A SIGNED AFFIDAVIT
SWEARING THAT THERE WAS A SINGLE
364
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:01,538
DALMATIAN WHO VOTED 101 TIMES!
365
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:03,791
>> Stephen: BUT, SIR, SIR, ALL
YOUR CLAIMS ABOUT VOTER FRAUD
366
00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:04,666
HAVE BEEN DEBUNKED.
367
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:07,503
>> I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHAT
"DEBUNK" MEANS.
368
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:09,254
IT PROBABLY MEANS IT'S "NOT"
BUNK, RIGHT?
369
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:09,838
>> Stephen: NO.
370
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:13,801
IT MEANS THEY ARE BUNK.
371
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:17,012
>> BIG WORDS, STEPHEN!
372
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,306
NO LAWYER CAN UNDERSTAND THIS
STUFF, NOT EVEN MY BRILLIANT
373
00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:24,186
LEGAL PARTNER, ROBERT MONDAVI,
ESQUIRE.
374
00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:28,857
THANK YOU, COUNSEL.
375
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,192
>> Stephen: SPEAKING OF YOUR
LEGAL PARTNERS, YOU EVEN FIRED
376
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:36,198
ONE OF THE ATTORNEYS FROM LAST
WEEK'S PRESS CONFERENCE, SIDNEY
377
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:37,241
POWELL.
378
00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:37,574
IS THERE ANYONE LEFT WHO IS
HELPING YOU DEFEND THE
379
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:38,200
PRESIDENT?
380
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:39,368
>> OF COURSE.
381
00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:42,204
WE'VE ALREADY REPLACED SIDNEY
POWELL WITH AN EVEN BETTER
382
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:48,335
LAWYER: A YOUNG WOMAN NAMED
ELLE WOODS WHO WENT TO HARVARD
383
00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:50,420
LAW TO IMPRESS HER EX-BOYFRIEND.
384
00:18:50,504 --> 00:19:00,931
>> Stephen: MR. MAYOR, I'M
PRETTY SURE ELLE WOODS
385
00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:01,807
IS REESE WITHERSPOON'S CHARACTER
FROM "LEGALLY BLONDE."
386
00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:03,392
YOU ALSO TALKED ABOUT "MY COUSIN
VINNY."
387
00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:04,268
ARE ALL YOUR LEGAL IDEAS JUST
STOLEN FROM MOVIES?
388
00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:07,896
>> STEPHEN, YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE
TRUTH!
389
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,357
DID YOU KNOW THAT THE RIGGED
VOTING MACHINES USED IN THIS
390
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:17,865
ELECTION WERE ACTUALLY ROBOTS
SENT HERE FROM THE FUTURE?
391
00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:21,410
IT'S ALL HERE IN MY LEGAL
FILING: "T2: JUDGEMENT DAY."
392
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:24,246
SKYNET IS ON HUNTER BIDEN'S
LAPTOP!
393
00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:25,873
HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!
394
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:29,877
YOU KNOW WHO SAID THAT?
395
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,044
HUGO CHAVEZ!
396
00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:33,881
>> Stephen: MR. MAYOR, YOUR
LEGAL ARGUMENTS CLEARLY AREN'T
397
00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:35,257
WORKING.
398
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:39,428
SO AREN'T THESE CONTINUED CLAIMS
OF ELECTION FRAUD JUST WEAKENING
399
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:40,470
FAITH IN OUR DEMOCRACY?
400
00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:41,805
>> SORRY, STEPHEN.
401
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:42,639
I COULDN'T HEAR YOU.
402
00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:45,934
I WAS HAVING MY FIRST DRINK OF
THE DAY.
403
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:52,608
>> Stephen: SIR, THAT I
>> Stephen: SIR, THAT IS
404
00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:56,653
CLEARLY NOT YOUR FIRST DRINK.
405
00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:57,946
>> WELL, IF YOU'RE DISPUTING THE
RESULTS, I DEMAND A RECOUNT!
406
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,198
ONE.
407
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:00,782
TWO.
408
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:03,952
THIS STATE IS GOING RED!
409
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:07,581
>> Stephen: MR. GIULIANI, YOU
WERE ONCE A RESPECTED FIGURE IN
410
00:20:07,664 --> 00:20:11,460
MORE THAN POLITICS AND LAW.
411
00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:12,961
AREN'T YOU WORRIED ABOUT
SACRIFICING YOUR REPUTATION FOR
412
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:15,172
A PRESIDENT WHO NOW SAYS YOU
LOOK LIKE A FOOL?
413
00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:17,966
>> A FOOL!
414
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:24,306
DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A FOOL
I'M COOL, CALM, AND COHERENT.
415
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:29,686
I'M AMERICA'S MAYOR, BABY!
416
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:33,941
>> Stephen: SIR, DO YOU HAVE
HAIR DYE ON YOUR FACE AGAIN?
417
00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:34,942
>> LIES!
418
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:35,859
I DON'T USE HAIR DYE.
419
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,945
WHEN I HIT CAPACITY, MY BODY
EXCRETES MERLOT.
420
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:41,865
IT'S NOT EMBARRASSING.
421
00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:44,326
IT'S CONVENIENT!
422
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:45,243
HERE NOW.
423
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:48,163
I'M GETTING NOTES OF LEATHER AND
BLACKBERRY.
424
00:20:48,246 --> 00:20:49,873
>> Stephen: ISN'T THIS EXACTLY
THE KIND OF BEHAVIOR THAT HAS
425
00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:53,877
MADE THE PRESIDENT DISTANCE
HIMSELF FROM YOU?
426
00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:57,631
>> THE PRESIDENT HASN'T
DISTANCED HIMSELF.
427
00:20:57,714 --> 00:21:00,342
HE'S BEING DRAGGED AWAY FROM ME
INTO THE ETHEREAL REALM BY THE
428
00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:04,554
GHOSTS OF DEAD VOTERS FROM
PENNSYLVANIA.
429
00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:05,889
I'M COMING, MR. PRESIDENT!
430
00:21:05,973 --> 00:21:11,311
>> Stephen: RUDY GIULIANI,
EVERYBODY!
431
00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:12,020
>> THE RECOUNT CONTINUES!
432
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:12,354
ONE...
433
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:15,273
CONTINUES.
434
00:21:23,490 --> 00:21:28,537
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
435
00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:32,374
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
436
00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:35,585
MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN
EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR AND
437
00:21:35,669 --> 00:21:37,504
COMEDIAN YOU KNOW FROM "THE
DAILY SHOW," "BALLERS," AND "THE
438
00:21:37,587 --> 00:21:40,549
UNICORN."
439
00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:42,968
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE
SHOW," MY FRIEND AND YOURS,
440
00:21:43,051 --> 00:21:43,427
MR. ROB CORDDRY.
441
00:21:43,510 --> 00:21:43,802
HELLO, CORDDRY.
442
00:21:43,885 --> 00:21:46,388
>> OH, MAN!
443
00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:47,097
WHAT'S UP.
444
00:21:47,180 --> 00:21:48,265
>> Stephen: IT'S GOOD TO SEE
YOU.
445
00:21:48,348 --> 00:21:49,224
>> IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
446
00:21:49,307 --> 00:21:50,392
>> Stephen: TALKING TO YOU IS
LIKE A VACATION.
447
00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:52,728
I HAVE NOT SEEN YOU IN A REAR.
448
00:21:52,811 --> 00:21:53,395
I HAVE NOT SEEN YOU IN A YEAR.
449
00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:55,439
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN.
450
00:21:55,522 --> 00:21:56,231
IT'S BEEN A YEAR.
451
00:21:56,314 --> 00:21:57,399
>> HAS IT BEEN A YEAR.
452
00:21:57,482 --> 00:21:59,234
OH, MY GOD.
453
00:21:59,317 --> 00:21:59,818
>> Stephen: CATCH ME UP.
454
00:21:59,901 --> 00:22:02,320
>> I'VE BEEN LOCKED DOWN.
455
00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:03,864
THEY'VE BEEN KEEPING ME AWAY
FROM YOU.
456
00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:05,407
I'VE BEEN LOCKED IN MY HOUSE.
457
00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:08,910
>> Stephen: THIS HAS ALL BEEN
AN ELABORATE RUSE SO I WOULDN'T
458
00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:10,245
HAVE TO SEE YOU.
459
00:22:10,328 --> 00:22:11,621
I APOLOGIZE TO EVERYONE IN THE
WORLD.
460
00:22:11,705 --> 00:22:12,581
>> IT'S ALL ABOUT ME AND YOU.
461
00:22:12,664 --> 00:22:15,000
>> Stephen: YOU WERE AN EAGLE
SCOUT, RIGHT.
462
00:22:15,083 --> 00:22:15,667
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
463
00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:16,585
>> Stephen: WERE YOU PREPARED?
464
00:22:16,668 --> 00:22:17,753
A LOT OF PEOPLE WEREN'T PREPARED
FOR COVID.
465
00:22:17,836 --> 00:22:22,799
DID YOU HAVE THE TOILET PAPER
AND THE EXTRA BAGS OF RICE AND
466
00:22:22,883 --> 00:22:24,259
CHICK PEAS.
467
00:22:24,342 --> 00:22:24,968
WERE YOU PREPARED FOR THIS.
468
00:22:25,052 --> 00:22:27,763
>> WE HAD A LOT OF TOILET PAPER.
469
00:22:27,846 --> 00:22:30,515
THE EAGLE SCOUT BADGE DOESN'T
QUITE-- IT'S NOT REALLY
470
00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:31,808
APPLICABLE TO WHAT WE'VE BEEN
GOING THROUGH.
471
00:22:31,892 --> 00:22:39,316
BUT I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF YOU
RECOGNIZE THIS SURVIVAL
472
00:22:39,399 --> 00:22:40,484
IMPLEMENT.
473
00:22:40,567 --> 00:22:46,073
>> Stephen: THAT IS A "DAILY
SHOW"--" ARE THOSE BINOCULARS?
474
00:22:46,156 --> 00:22:46,615
WHAT IS THAT?
475
00:22:46,698 --> 00:22:48,283
OH, THAT'S THE RADIO!
476
00:22:48,366 --> 00:22:50,452
>> THAT'S THE RADIO!
477
00:22:50,535 --> 00:22:53,997
IN 2003 WE WERE GIFTED A RADIO.
478
00:22:54,081 --> 00:22:56,291
>> Stephen: THIS WAS A
HAND-CRANK RADIO.
479
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:58,960
>> THE HAND CRANKER.
480
00:22:59,044 --> 00:23:01,630
YES, SO THIS IS, LIKE, THE ONLY
WAY.
481
00:23:01,713 --> 00:23:04,966
BECAUSE WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT,
IF IT ALL GOES DOWN, WE'RE NO
482
00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:06,093
INFORMATION ANYWHERE.
483
00:23:06,176 --> 00:23:08,970
>> Stephen: IF THERE'S NO
GRID, IF THERE'S NO GRID TO
484
00:23:09,054 --> 00:23:13,308
POWER YOUR RADIO, SOMEHOW "THE
DAILY SHOW" THOUGHT THERE WOULD
485
00:23:13,391 --> 00:23:14,601
STILL BE RADIO STATIONS.
486
00:23:14,684 --> 00:23:16,603
>> IT WAS SUCH AN OMINOUS GIFT.
487
00:23:16,686 --> 00:23:18,146
>> Stephen: IT WAS A DIFFERENT
TIME.
488
00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:19,648
IT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME.
489
00:23:19,731 --> 00:23:21,149
>> IT WAS RIGHT AFTER 9/11.
490
00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:21,983
>> Stephen: RIGHT.
491
00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:24,319
>> THERE WAS A BLACKOUT JUST
HAPPENED.
492
00:23:24,402 --> 00:23:24,736
>> Stephen: YEAH.
493
00:23:24,820 --> 00:23:25,737
>> YEAH, YEAH.
494
00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:29,658
SO I-- I JUST DUG INTO THE
INSTRUCTIONS, THOUGH.
495
00:23:29,741 --> 00:23:30,826
THEY'RE FASCINATING.
496
00:23:30,909 --> 00:23:33,453
>> Stephen: NOW, YOU'RE PART
OF-- HOW ARE THEY FASCINATING?
497
00:23:33,537 --> 00:23:37,541
ARE THEY FASCINATING IN THAT IT
SAYS,"CRANK IT, SCBTS IT WORKS.
498
00:23:37,624 --> 00:23:39,376
>> IT'S A SHORTWAVE RADIO.
499
00:23:39,459 --> 00:23:42,462
>> Stephen: YOU CAN TALK TO
RADIO MOSCOW WITH THAT THING.
500
00:23:42,546 --> 00:23:47,509
>> YEAH, LIKE, I SMELL ANOTHER
OBSESSION COMING ON FOR ME.
501
00:23:47,592 --> 00:23:50,345
THIS THING HAS BEEN COLLECTING
DUST FOR YEARS.
502
00:23:50,428 --> 00:23:51,471
>> Stephen: I'VE USED MINE.
503
00:23:51,555 --> 00:23:53,557
I'VE USED MINE.
504
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:54,182
YEAH.
505
00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:55,183
>> ALL RIGHT, NO BIG DEAL.
506
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:58,186
>> Stephen: YEAH, HEY, WELCOME
TO THE CBS FAMILY.
507
00:23:58,270 --> 00:24:01,690
I KNOW YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN HERE
FOR A YEAR, BUT WELCOME BACK, I
508
00:24:01,773 --> 00:24:05,360
GUESS, TO THE CBS FAMILY BECAUSE
YOU GUYS ARE FINALLY BACK ON THE
509
00:24:05,443 --> 00:24:06,403
AIR.
510
00:24:06,486 --> 00:24:07,529
I'M SO THRILLED THAT WE HAVE
SOME PRIME TIME FOR US.
511
00:24:07,612 --> 00:24:09,865
SOME LEAD-IN HERE.
512
00:24:09,948 --> 00:24:10,532
TELL US ABOUT THE "THE UNICORN."
513
00:24:10,615 --> 00:24:11,575
HOW ARE YOU ENJOYING IT?
514
00:24:11,658 --> 00:24:13,910
>> IT'S BEEN GREAT, MAN.
515
00:24:13,994 --> 00:24:15,620
IT WAS A WEIRD TRANSITION AT
FIRST.
516
00:24:15,704 --> 00:24:18,498
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
WEIRD TO--
517
00:24:18,582 --> 00:24:22,544
>> TRANSITION TO-- YOU KNOW,
THERE'S A LOT OF COVID
518
00:24:22,627 --> 00:24:23,503
PROTOCOLS.
519
00:24:23,587 --> 00:24:24,671
>> Stephen: SURE YOU HAVE TO
WEAR THE MASKS.
520
00:24:24,754 --> 00:24:27,424
>> MASKS AND FACE SHIELDS AND,
YOU KNOW, WHAT-- WHO YOU CAN
521
00:24:27,507 --> 00:24:32,220
TALK TO AND WHAT-- EVERYBODY'S
DIVIDED UP INTO ZONES.
522
00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:39,269
SO IT'S PRETTY-- THEY'VE GOT IT
PRETTY-- PRETTY TIGHT.
523
00:24:39,352 --> 00:24:41,688
BUT IT'S, YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN
GREAT.
524
00:24:41,771 --> 00:24:43,690
>> Stephen: GOOD TO HEAR IT.
525
00:24:43,773 --> 00:24:47,277
GOOD TO HEAR THAT IT'S BEEN
GREAT.
526
00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:49,446
I UNDERSTAND YOU GUYS-- THERE'S
AN EPISODE THAT YOUR CHARACTER
527
00:24:49,529 --> 00:24:56,536
IS ACTUALLY-- FEELS BAD ABOUT
HIS WHITE PRIVILEGE AND ACTUALLY
528
00:24:56,620 --> 00:25:04,544
IS TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR IT BY
GIVING-- GIVING YOUR FRIEND'S
529
00:25:04,628 --> 00:25:05,629
SON?
530
00:25:05,712 --> 00:25:06,922
>> ARE YOU ANSWERING THE
QUESTION YOU ASKED ME THE WAY
531
00:25:07,005 --> 00:25:07,547
YOU WANTED ME TO ANSWER IT?
532
00:25:07,631 --> 00:25:09,841
>> Stephen: YEAH.
533
00:25:09,925 --> 00:25:12,135
I'M JUST GOING AHEAD AND
ANSWERING THE QUESTIONS AT THIS
534
00:25:12,219 --> 00:25:13,261
POINT.
535
00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:14,888
>> YOU'RE GOING TO CUT ALL THIS
PART OUT, AREN'T YOU?
536
00:25:14,971 --> 00:25:15,805
>> Stephen: NO, THIS IS THE
PART WE'RE KEEPING.
537
00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:19,601
THIS IS THE--
>> THIS IS TV GOLD RIGHT HERE.
538
00:25:19,684 --> 00:25:21,436
>> Stephen: IT STARTS RIGHT
HERE.
539
00:25:21,519 --> 00:25:22,103
WE HAVE A CLIP.
540
00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:23,897
SET UP THIS CLIP WE'VE GOT HERE.
541
00:25:23,980 --> 00:25:24,898
WHAT' GOING ON.
542
00:25:24,981 --> 00:25:28,777
>> YEAH, SO I BROUGHT A CLIP, IS
WHAT ACTORS SAY.
543
00:25:28,860 --> 00:25:30,570
AND --
>> Stephen: I'M JUST
544
00:25:30,654 --> 00:25:31,696
STERILIZING.
545
00:25:31,780 --> 00:25:35,784
>> AND THIS WAS SOMETHING THAT
WE FOUGHT, OMAR AND I-- WE
546
00:25:35,867 --> 00:25:39,663
DIDN'T ACTUALLY HAVE TO FIGHT
FOR IT BUT WE THOUGHT WE WOULD.
547
00:25:39,746 --> 00:25:45,460
"THE UNICORN" IS NOT
ACKNOWLEDGED COVID, WHICH I
548
00:25:45,543 --> 00:25:48,630
THOUGHT WAS GREAT BECAUSE THIS
IS SOMETHING WE WANT THERE TO BE
549
00:25:48,713 --> 00:25:50,966
A SENSE OF ESCAPISM, YOU KNOW.
550
00:25:51,049 --> 00:25:52,926
THESE ARE STORIES YOU CAN ENJOY
--
551
00:25:53,009 --> 00:25:54,052
>> Stephen: OF COURSE, OF
COURSE.
552
00:25:54,135 --> 00:25:56,429
>> AFTER TAKING YOUR MASK OFF
AND SITTING ON YOUR COUCH.
553
00:25:56,513 --> 00:25:57,681
>> Stephen: SURE.
554
00:25:57,764 --> 00:26:02,102
>> BUT THERE IS-- BUT THE RACIAL
STRIVE WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO US.
555
00:26:02,185 --> 00:26:06,189
SO ON, MAR MILLER AND I WENT TO
THE PRODUCERS AND SAID THIS IS
556
00:26:06,273 --> 00:26:07,399
IMPORTANT TO US.
557
00:26:07,482 --> 00:26:09,567
AND IMMEDIATELY, ONE OF THE
WRITERS, HOWARD, HAD AN IDEA FOR
558
00:26:09,651 --> 00:26:13,697
A STORY, AND THIS IS FROM FROM
THE CLIP, YOU KNOW, THE CLIP
559
00:26:13,780 --> 00:26:15,699
YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE IS FROM THAT
EPISODE.
560
00:26:15,782 --> 00:26:17,617
IT'S NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE, I
BELIEVE.
561
00:26:17,701 --> 00:26:19,786
>> Stephen: JIM, LET'S TAKE A
LOOK.
562
00:26:19,869 --> 00:26:23,498
>> YOU BOUGHT NOAH A $300 GAMING
SYSTEM.
563
00:26:23,581 --> 00:26:24,499
>> $350.
564
00:26:24,582 --> 00:26:25,292
WITH THE EXTENDED WARRANTY.
565
00:26:25,375 --> 00:26:27,711
I GOT THAT BECAUSE HE'S SO
CLUMSY.
566
00:26:27,794 --> 00:26:28,503
>> YOU'RE DOING TOO MUCH, MAN.
567
00:26:28,586 --> 00:26:31,298
>> I DON'T THINK I'M DOING
ENOUGH!
568
00:26:31,381 --> 00:26:33,675
I MEAN, TELL ME, WHAT BOOKS CAN
I READ?
569
00:26:33,758 --> 00:26:34,634
WHAT ORGANIZATIONS CAN I JOIN?
570
00:26:34,718 --> 00:26:35,719
I WANT TO DO BETTER.
571
00:26:35,802 --> 00:26:39,597
>> BUT THIS, WHAT YOU'RE DOING
NOW, THIS ISN'T BETTER.
572
00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:40,849
COME ON, MAN!
573
00:26:40,932 --> 00:26:43,685
YOU'RE PUTTING ALL YOUR GUILT ON
ME BECAUSE YOU WANT ME TO MAKE
574
00:26:43,768 --> 00:26:50,692
YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT THE THINGS
I HAVE TO DEAL WITH!
575
00:26:50,775 --> 00:26:54,154
>> I WOULDN'T PUT IT EXACTLY
LIKE THAT BUT...
576
00:26:54,237 --> 00:26:55,113
( LAUGHTER ).
577
00:26:55,196 --> 00:26:56,281
>> Stephen: THAT'S NOT EASY TO
MAKE THAT FUNNY.
578
00:26:56,364 --> 00:27:01,703
>> YEAH, YEAH, AND THE REST OF
THE SHOW, LIKE, THAT EPISODE
579
00:27:01,786 --> 00:27:08,543
IS-- IT'S SOMETHING I'M-- I FELT
REAL RESPONSIBILITY, A REAL
580
00:27:08,626 --> 00:27:11,046
RESPONSIBILITY TO HAVING
PITCHED-- YOU KNOW, HAVING
581
00:27:11,129 --> 00:27:12,172
REQUESTED IT.
582
00:27:12,255 --> 00:27:15,425
>> Stephen: WELL, YOU AND I
WORKED FOR "RESPONSIBILITY
583
00:27:15,508 --> 00:27:16,092
CENTRAL" FOR MANY YEARS.
584
00:27:16,176 --> 00:27:18,053
>> WE SURE DID, YUP, YEAH.
585
00:27:18,136 --> 00:27:20,555
WE SURE DID.
586
00:27:20,638 --> 00:27:21,431
( LAUGHS ).
587
00:27:21,514 --> 00:27:24,601
>> Stephen: OMAR WAS ON
"C.S.I.: MIAMI."
588
00:27:24,684 --> 00:27:26,853
YOU EVER TALK TO HIM ABOUT
WHETHER HE CAN DO ALL THAT LAB
589
00:27:26,936 --> 00:27:27,395
STUFF?
590
00:27:27,479 --> 00:27:29,105
DID HE LEARN ANYTHING?
591
00:27:29,189 --> 00:27:29,856
>> OH, YEAH.
592
00:27:29,939 --> 00:27:32,108
>> Stephen: HE CAN DO ALL
THAT.
593
00:27:32,192 --> 00:27:34,361
>> OH, YEAH, HE WON'T SHUT UP
ABOUT IT.
594
00:27:34,444 --> 00:27:36,696
NO, HE IS A TRAINED LAB
TECHNICIAN IN REAL LIFE AS WELL,
595
00:27:36,780 --> 00:27:41,534
AND HE KNOWS ALL THOSE-- ALL
THOSE TERMS HE SAID ON THE SHOW,
596
00:27:41,618 --> 00:27:42,702
ALL THOSE THINGS IT'S REAL.
597
00:27:42,786 --> 00:27:44,704
HE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT HE'S
DOING.
598
00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:46,581
>> Stephen: ROB, IT'S SO GREAT
TO SEE YOU.
599
00:27:46,664 --> 00:27:48,541
>> IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO.
600
00:27:48,625 --> 00:27:50,585
>> Stephen: HAVE A HAPPY THIS
IS.
601
00:27:50,668 --> 00:27:52,754
>> YOU, TOO, MAN.
602
00:27:52,837 --> 00:27:55,590
>> Stephen: ROB CORDDRY,
EVERYBODY!
603
00:27:55,673 --> 00:28:00,136
"THE UNICORN" AIRS THURSDAY
NIGHTS AT 9:30 ON CBS.
604
00:28:00,220 --> 00:28:02,389
WHEN WE COME BACK, I'LL BE UP ON
THE ROOF COOKING WITH JOSEÉ
605
00:28:02,472 --> 00:28:02,889
ANDREÉS.
606
00:28:02,972 --> 00:28:06,351
JOIN US, WON'T YOU?
607
00:28:15,860 --> 00:28:21,157
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
608
00:28:21,241 --> 00:28:22,283
EVERYBODY.
609
00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:24,744
MY NEXT GUEST IS A CHEF AND
HUMANITARIAN WHOSE CHARITY,
610
00:28:24,828 --> 00:28:28,957
"WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN," HAS
PROVIDED DISASTER RELIEF TO
611
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,084
MILLIONS ALL OVER THIS TROUBLED
WORLD.
612
00:28:31,167 --> 00:28:35,797
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE
SHOW," CHEF JOSE ANDRES.
613
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,465
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
614
00:28:37,549 --> 00:28:38,675
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
615
00:28:38,758 --> 00:28:43,555
>> Stephen: WHAT WE'RE ABOUT
TO DO IS HAVE THE FIRST COOKING
616
00:28:43,638 --> 00:28:46,141
SEGMENT LIVE AND IN PERSON ON
ANY LATE-NIGHT SHOW.
617
00:28:46,224 --> 00:28:47,517
YOU READY TO DO IT?
618
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:48,184
WE'RE OUTSIDE.
619
00:28:48,268 --> 00:28:49,185
THIS IS PERFECTLY RESPONSIBLE.
620
00:28:49,269 --> 00:28:51,855
WE'RE OUTSIDE AND WE'RE OVER 10
FEET AWAY, OKAY?
621
00:28:51,938 --> 00:28:55,316
>>
>> I MEAN, NOBODY CAN EVER
622
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:56,484
UNDERSTAND MY ENGLISH WITHOUT
THE MASK.
623
00:28:56,568 --> 00:29:00,113
YOU KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS FOR
AN IMMIGRANT LIKE ME TO BE
624
00:29:00,196 --> 00:29:03,533
SPEAKING ENGLISH WITH A MASK?
625
00:29:03,616 --> 00:29:05,994
NOBODY CAN UNDERSTAND ANYTHING I
TELL THEM!
626
00:29:06,077 --> 00:29:09,122
IS THERE IT'S THE EMOTION THAT
WE GET, EVEN IF WE DON'T
627
00:29:09,205 --> 00:29:09,831
UNDERSTAND THE WORDS.
628
00:29:09,914 --> 00:29:13,042
WE GET ALL THE LOVE, JOSE.
629
00:29:13,126 --> 00:29:14,002
WHAT ARE WE DOING?
630
00:29:14,085 --> 00:29:14,669
ARE YOU READY TO DO THIS?
631
00:29:14,752 --> 00:29:15,503
>> OKAY, I HAVE LOVE FOR YOU.
632
00:29:15,587 --> 00:29:17,505
>> Stephen: I HAVE LOVE FOR
YOU, TOO.
633
00:29:17,589 --> 00:29:19,382
>> I AM AN IMMIGRANT.
634
00:29:19,466 --> 00:29:23,052
WHAT IS MY ROLE AS AN IMMIGRANT,
TO HONOR THE TRADITIONS OF
635
00:29:23,136 --> 00:29:23,761
AMERICA.
636
00:29:23,845 --> 00:29:25,472
BUT ALSO TO PUSH THE BOUNDARIES.
637
00:29:25,555 --> 00:29:30,810
WHAT I'M DOING RIGHT NOW, I'M
GIVING YOU ONE OF MY FAVORITE
638
00:29:30,894 --> 00:29:33,897
INGREDIENTS, WHICH ARE SEA
URCHINS FROM MAINE.
639
00:29:33,980 --> 00:29:36,858
>> Stephen: SEA URCHINS, OKAY.
640
00:29:36,941 --> 00:29:39,652
>> SEA URCHINS.
641
00:29:39,736 --> 00:29:40,862
>> Stephen: THESE LOOK LIKE
SOMETHING THAT TAKES OVER YOUR
642
00:29:40,945 --> 00:29:42,030
BODY IN A SCIENCE FICTION MOVIE.
643
00:29:42,113 --> 00:29:44,991
>> IT IS, BUT IT ACTUALLY IS THE
MOST DELICIOUS THING IN THE
644
00:29:45,074 --> 00:29:45,867
HISTORY OF MANKIND.
645
00:29:45,950 --> 00:29:48,870
>> Stephen: WAIT, SO THIS IS
FOR THIS IS?
646
00:29:48,953 --> 00:29:51,372
>> THAT'S WHAT I'M HAVING FOR
THIS IS.
647
00:29:51,456 --> 00:29:53,374
AND WHY WE SHOULD DO THAT.
648
00:29:53,458 --> 00:29:54,542
>> Stephen: WHY?
649
00:29:54,626 --> 00:29:55,835
>> BECAUSE SO MANY FISHERMEN,
FARMERS, THAT THEY NEED OUR
650
00:29:55,919 --> 00:30:02,258
SUPPORT AND AMERICA HAS SUCH A
BOUNTY OF AMAZING THINGS THAT WE
651
00:30:02,342 --> 00:30:06,221
SHOULD BE SUPPORTING THEM AS WE
ADD NEW TRADITIONS TO OUR THIS
652
00:30:06,304 --> 00:30:06,930
IS.
653
00:30:07,013 --> 00:30:08,556
>> Stephen: SO HOW DO I EAT
IT?
654
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,726
>> OKAY, HOW DO I GRAB THESE,
YOUR PRODUCER --
655
00:30:11,809 --> 00:30:12,227
>> Stephen: WE HAVE THESE.
656
00:30:12,310 --> 00:30:14,395
WE HAVE ONE OF THESE.
657
00:30:14,479 --> 00:30:14,896
WE HAVE GRABBERS.
658
00:30:14,979 --> 00:30:16,022
>> LET'S GO.
659
00:30:16,105 --> 00:30:17,524
I WILL OPEN SOME FOR YOU.
660
00:30:17,607 --> 00:30:19,943
DO YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU HOW I
OPEN ONE?
661
00:30:20,026 --> 00:30:22,111
>> Stephen: I WANT TO SEE.
662
00:30:22,195 --> 00:30:23,238
>> YOU'RE GOOD.
663
00:30:23,321 --> 00:30:23,738
TAKE A LOOK.
664
00:30:23,821 --> 00:30:25,114
WE HAVE SCISSORS HERE.
665
00:30:25,198 --> 00:30:25,990
>> Stephen: SCISSORS?
666
00:30:26,074 --> 00:30:28,409
>> SCISSORS.
667
00:30:28,493 --> 00:30:31,913
>> Stephen: I RARELY-- I
RARELY-- I RARELY HAVE TO GIVE
668
00:30:31,996 --> 00:30:34,415
MY FOOT A HAIRCUT.
669
00:30:34,499 --> 00:30:37,293
>> YOU WILL PUT THE SCISSORS
THERE, CUT THROUGH THE MOUTH,
670
00:30:37,377 --> 00:30:40,088
AND YOU WILL KEEP GOING AROUND,
AROUND LIKE THIS, AND AT THE
671
00:30:40,171 --> 00:30:41,172
END, MY FRIEND, LOOK AT WHAT YOU
HAVE.
672
00:30:41,256 --> 00:30:48,221
YOU OPEN THIS URCHIN, AND INSIDE
YOU HAVE THE GONADS.
673
00:30:48,304 --> 00:30:48,930
>> Stephen: THE GONADS?
674
00:30:49,013 --> 00:30:51,140
>> THE GONADS.
675
00:30:51,224 --> 00:30:52,141
THESE GIVE YOU POWERS.
676
00:30:52,225 --> 00:30:53,601
THESE GIVE YOU SUPER POWERS.
677
00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:54,561
>> Stephen: REALLY!
678
00:30:54,644 --> 00:30:58,940
>> WITH THE GONADS PROBABLY WE
CAN BEAT COVID.
679
00:30:59,023 --> 00:31:01,526
WITH THE GONADS PROBABLY WE CAN
DREAM OF A HAPPY TOMORROW.
680
00:31:01,609 --> 00:31:01,943
LOOK AT THIS.
681
00:31:02,026 --> 00:31:02,944
LOOK AT THIS.
682
00:31:03,027 --> 00:31:04,821
>> Stephen: THIS OWNER STUFF
IN HERE IS THE GONADS.
683
00:31:04,904 --> 00:31:07,782
>> IS THE MOST AMAZING THING.
684
00:31:07,865 --> 00:31:09,784
>> Stephen: HE SHOULD
DEFINITELY HAVE THESE CHECKED
685
00:31:09,867 --> 00:31:10,159
OUT.
686
00:31:10,243 --> 00:31:11,411
>> OH, MY GOD!
687
00:31:11,494 --> 00:31:11,995
( LAUGHTER ).
688
00:31:12,078 --> 00:31:12,954
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
689
00:31:13,037 --> 00:31:15,081
BUT IT'S PERFECT-- IT'S PERFECT
FOR THE FALL.
690
00:31:15,164 --> 00:31:18,001
>> HERE YOU WANT SOME-- I CAN'T.
691
00:31:18,084 --> 00:31:19,127
IT'S COVERED.
692
00:31:19,210 --> 00:31:22,672
>> Stephen: SOME OF THE
SALTEST GONADS I'VE EVER HAD.
693
00:31:22,755 --> 00:31:24,757
I HAVE TO SAY.
694
00:31:24,841 --> 00:31:25,383
THEY'RE DELICIOUS.
695
00:31:25,466 --> 00:31:26,301
>> THEY COME FROM THE OCEAN.
696
00:31:26,384 --> 00:31:27,594
WHAT DO YOU WANT THEM TO DO.
697
00:31:27,677 --> 00:31:29,762
THEY NEED TO BE SALTY.
698
00:31:29,846 --> 00:31:30,847
THAT MEANS THEY'RE FRESH.
699
00:31:30,930 --> 00:31:33,099
>> Stephen: I JUST ATE ONE OF
THE SPIKES.
700
00:31:33,182 --> 00:31:35,977
>> SPIT THEM, NOT MY DIRECTION
BUT ANOTHER DIRECTION.
701
00:31:36,060 --> 00:31:37,604
>> Stephen: FAN TASH.
702
00:31:37,687 --> 00:31:41,190
JOSE, YOU'RE ONLY MY SECOND
LIVE, IN-PERSON GUEST I HAVE HAD
703
00:31:41,274 --> 00:31:42,233
SO FAR.
704
00:31:42,317 --> 00:31:44,569
>> WHAT DO WE DRINK WITH SEA
UNCHIN IN MY COUNTRY.
705
00:31:44,652 --> 00:31:45,945
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU DRINK?
706
00:31:46,029 --> 00:31:49,657
>> THIS IS SOMETHING WE LOVE IN
AMERICA, CIDER.
707
00:31:49,741 --> 00:31:54,996
HERE WE FROM AN AMERICAN CIDER
AND A SPANISH CIDER AND I'M
708
00:31:55,079 --> 00:31:55,955
GOING TO SHOW YOU THE TRADITION
IN SPAIN.
709
00:31:56,039 --> 00:32:00,501
WE BRING THE BOTTLE UP HERE.
710
00:32:00,585 --> 00:32:01,002
AND WE BRING THE GLAZ DOWN HERE.
711
00:32:01,085 --> 00:32:02,211
>> Stephen: OKAY.
712
00:32:02,295 --> 00:32:07,050
>> AND YOU HAVE TO LET IT FALL
SLOWLY UNTIL IT HITS THE RIM OF
713
00:32:07,133 --> 00:32:14,724
THE GLASS.
714
00:32:14,807 --> 00:32:17,018
YOU SERVE A LITTLE BIT, TAKE A
LOOK AT ALL THE BUBBLES.
715
00:32:17,101 --> 00:32:18,478
>> Stephen: HOLD ON.
716
00:32:18,561 --> 00:32:20,897
HOLD ON.
717
00:32:20,980 --> 00:32:22,023
>> OH, MY GOD!
718
00:32:22,106 --> 00:32:23,483
DO YOU IT SO GOOD!
719
00:32:23,566 --> 00:32:26,486
>> Stephen: AND WHAT IS THE
PURPOSE OF THIS?
720
00:32:26,569 --> 00:32:29,739
WHAT IS THIS-- WHAT IS THIS
DOING FOR ME?
721
00:32:29,822 --> 00:32:30,531
>> NEW YORK.
722
00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:31,866
CLUB, CLUB!
723
00:32:31,949 --> 00:32:32,450
HE'S AMAZING.
724
00:32:32,533 --> 00:32:35,828
OKAY, THIS IS VERY GOOD.
725
00:32:35,912 --> 00:32:37,914
BUT IN --
>> Stephen: WHY DO WE DO THIS?
726
00:32:37,997 --> 00:32:42,210
>> BECAUSE TAKE A LOOK WHAT'S
HAPPENING, ALL THE BUBBLES.
727
00:32:42,293 --> 00:32:43,211
>> Stephen: IT'S A MESS.
728
00:32:43,294 --> 00:32:45,880
THIS WAS INVENTED BY SOMEONE WHO
HAD EXCESS CIDER.
729
00:32:45,963 --> 00:32:49,175
THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE THIS
IS MEALS I'VE EVER HAD ACTUALLY
730
00:32:49,258 --> 00:32:50,385
RIGHT NOW UP HERE.
731
00:32:50,468 --> 00:32:52,929
AGAIN ARE THIS IS TOTALLY SAFE
BECAUSE WE'RE OUTSIDE.
732
00:32:53,012 --> 00:32:55,056
THERE'S PLENTY OF VENTILATION.
733
00:32:55,139 --> 00:32:57,558
I CAN BARELY SMELL THE GONADS.
734
00:32:57,642 --> 00:32:58,393
( LAUGHTER ).
735
00:32:58,476 --> 00:33:00,395
>> YOU SEE, WE DON'T HAVE
TURKEYS HERE.
736
00:33:00,478 --> 00:33:03,690
WE DON'T HAVE TURKEY BECAUSE WE
PARDON OUR TURKEYS, LIKE
737
00:33:03,773 --> 00:33:05,692
PRESIDENT TRUMP.
738
00:33:05,775 --> 00:33:09,445
HE-- YESTERDAY, HE PARDONED THE
TURKEYS, AND YOU AND I, TAKE A
739
00:33:09,529 --> 00:33:09,904
LOOK.
740
00:33:09,987 --> 00:33:10,571
IT'S OVER THERE.
741
00:33:10,655 --> 00:33:11,906
NO, OVER THERE!
742
00:33:11,989 --> 00:33:14,951
OKAY, SO WE PARDONED THE --
>> Stephen: BUT THEY'RE
743
00:33:15,034 --> 00:33:15,576
FLIGHTLESS.
744
00:33:15,660 --> 00:33:16,577
THEY'RE FLIGHTLESS, JOSE.
745
00:33:16,661 --> 00:33:19,288
>> I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU TO MAKE
A VERY QUICK CAKE.
746
00:33:19,372 --> 00:33:21,416
>> Stephen: A CAKE.
747
00:33:21,499 --> 00:33:22,583
>> Jon: LET'S GO.
748
00:33:22,667 --> 00:33:24,419
YOU GRAB THIS SPOON.
749
00:33:24,502 --> 00:33:25,211
ONE SPOON FULL OF SUGAR.
750
00:33:25,294 --> 00:33:28,423
>> Stephen: ONE SPOON FULL OF
SUGAR.
751
00:33:28,506 --> 00:33:29,298
>> PUT IT OVER HERE.
752
00:33:29,382 --> 00:33:30,925
>> Stephen: HERE?
753
00:33:31,008 --> 00:33:31,759
OKAY.
754
00:33:31,843 --> 00:33:37,640
>> NOW, ONE SPOON FULL OF
MAYONNAISE.
755
00:33:37,724 --> 00:33:38,182
>> Stephen: OF MAYONNAISE.
756
00:33:38,266 --> 00:33:40,435
>> THIS IS MAYONNAISE.
757
00:33:40,518 --> 00:33:42,979
>> Stephen: THIS IS DEFINITELY
AN AMERICAN RECIPE.
758
00:33:43,062 --> 00:33:44,939
>> IT'S EGGS AND OIL.
759
00:33:45,022 --> 00:33:47,942
AND THEN A SPOON FULL OF CREAM
CHEESE.
760
00:33:48,025 --> 00:33:49,777
>> Stephen: THIS IS CREAM
CHEESE?
761
00:33:49,861 --> 00:33:50,945
OKAY.
762
00:33:51,028 --> 00:33:55,158
>> AND THEN ANOTHER SPOONFUL OF
THIS KIND OF PUMPKIN MIX.
763
00:33:55,241 --> 00:33:56,993
>> Stephen: THE FILLING, THE
FILLING, SURE.
764
00:33:57,076 --> 00:34:00,246
>> LIKE THE ONE YOU BUY IN THE
STORE.
765
00:34:00,329 --> 00:34:01,122
>> Stephen: LIBBY'S, EXACTLY.
766
00:34:01,205 --> 00:34:05,168
>> AND ONE EGG, YOU CRACK ITED
IN THE BOWL.
767
00:34:05,251 --> 00:34:07,670
AND THEN YOU MICK THE WHOLE
THING.
768
00:34:07,754 --> 00:34:08,087
>> Stephen: OKAY.
769
00:34:08,171 --> 00:34:08,963
>> LIKE THIS.
770
00:34:09,047 --> 00:34:11,924
>> YOU MIX, MIX.
771
00:34:12,008 --> 00:34:12,925
KEEP MIXING.
772
00:34:13,009 --> 00:34:14,927
UNTIL IT BECOMES A PERFECT CREAM
LIKE THIS.
773
00:34:15,011 --> 00:34:15,470
YOU SEE.
774
00:34:15,553 --> 00:34:16,637
>> Stephen: I GOT IT.
775
00:34:16,721 --> 00:34:19,015
>> AND THEN WE HAVE THIS PART
OVER HERE, YOU CAN BE USING
776
00:34:19,098 --> 00:34:22,518
PYREX, YOU CAN BE USING TERRA
COTTA, WHATEVER.
777
00:34:22,602 --> 00:34:24,270
AND THEN YOU PUT A LITTLE BIT ON
TOP.
778
00:34:24,353 --> 00:34:26,981
ALREADY WE HAVE SOME IN HERE.
779
00:34:27,065 --> 00:34:27,607
NO MORE.
780
00:34:27,690 --> 00:34:28,691
>> Stephen: NO MORE, OKAY.
781
00:34:28,775 --> 00:34:31,319
>> AND THEN YOU GO AND YOU PUT
IT INSIDE THE MICROWAVE.
782
00:34:31,402 --> 00:34:32,612
>> Stephen: WAIT A SECOND!
783
00:34:32,695 --> 00:34:36,699
YOU ARE A TWO MICHELIN STAR
CHEF, AND YOU USE A MICROWAVE?
784
00:34:36,783 --> 00:34:37,325
>> SURE.
785
00:34:37,408 --> 00:34:37,742
>> Stephen: THAT'S LEGAL?
786
00:34:37,825 --> 00:34:38,785
>> IT IS LEGAL.
787
00:34:38,868 --> 00:34:42,789
>> Stephen: I THOUGHT CHEFS
FROWND ON MICROWAVES.
788
00:34:42,872 --> 00:34:46,125
>> IN CASE ANY IMMIGRATION
OFFICER IS LOOKING AT THIS SHOW,
789
00:34:46,209 --> 00:34:50,213
THE MICROWAVE IS LEGAL.
790
00:34:50,296 --> 00:34:50,838
PRESS "START."
791
00:34:50,922 --> 00:34:52,006
AND NOW IT'S TWO MINUTES.
792
00:34:52,089 --> 00:34:53,049
AND YOU WAIT.
793
00:34:53,132 --> 00:34:56,552
>> Stephen: WHILE MY
MAYONNAISE PIE IS COOKING, WE'RE
794
00:34:56,636 --> 00:35:00,348
GOING TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, AND
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
795
00:35:00,431 --> 00:35:04,060
CHEF JOSE ANDRES!
796
00:35:12,568 --> 00:35:24,121
♪ ♪ ♪
797
00:35:31,254 --> 00:35:36,259
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
798
00:35:36,342 --> 00:35:39,846
WE'RE HERE WITH CHEF JOSE
ANDRES.
799
00:35:39,929 --> 00:35:44,517
ALSO THE FOUNDER OF "WORLD
CENTRAL KITCHEN," COOKING A THIS
800
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:45,726
IS MEAL.
801
00:35:45,810 --> 00:35:48,187
WHILE WE'RE WAITING, I WANT TO
HEAR ABOUT "WORLD CENTRAL
802
00:35:48,271 --> 00:35:49,397
KITCHEN."
803
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:50,022
I KNOW YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN ALL
OVER THE UNITED STATES AND ALL
804
00:35:50,106 --> 00:35:51,566
OVER THE WORLD DURING COVID.
805
00:35:51,649 --> 00:35:54,235
YOU HAVE ALSO BEEN RESPONDING TO
SOME HURRICANES LATELY.
806
00:35:54,318 --> 00:35:57,613
TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED IN
HONDURAS AND WHAT YOUR WORK IS
807
00:35:57,697 --> 00:35:59,198
DOWN THERE.
808
00:35:59,282 --> 00:36:03,703
>> WORLD KITCHEN HAS DONE ALMOST
40 MILLION MEALS THROUGH THIS
809
00:36:03,786 --> 00:36:07,206
PANDEMIC, AMAZING MEN AND WOMEN,
THOUSANDS OF VOLUNTEERS, 3,000
810
00:36:07,290 --> 00:36:08,291
RESTAURANTS IN AMERICA.
811
00:36:08,374 --> 00:36:13,337
WE HAVE BEEN IN BEIRUT AFTER THE
EXPLOSION IN LEBANON.
812
00:36:13,421 --> 00:36:14,755
EVERY SINGLE HURRICANE, THE
FIRES IN CALIFORNIA.
813
00:36:14,839 --> 00:36:20,595
RIGHT NOW, WE HAVE TEAMS IN
HONDURAS, IN GUATEMALA, IN
814
00:36:20,678 --> 00:36:21,762
COLOMBIA.
815
00:36:21,846 --> 00:36:25,600
MYSELF, I JUST CAME BACK FROM
THERE, AND I'M SO PROUD THAT
816
00:36:25,683 --> 00:36:29,604
AMERICA CAN BE SHOWING UP, MY
PROFESSION SHOWING UP TO FEEL
817
00:36:29,687 --> 00:36:32,315
PEOPLE IN AMERICA, BUT ALSO
SHOWING UP IN COUNTRIES THAT
818
00:36:32,398 --> 00:36:35,109
THEY NEED FOR US TO HELP THEM.
819
00:36:35,192 --> 00:36:37,236
SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW, THE BIG
PROBLEMS, THEY HAVE VERY SIMPLE
820
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:38,446
SOLUTIONS.
821
00:36:38,529 --> 00:36:41,908
YOU SHOW UP, YOU START COOKING,
A HUMBLE PLATE OF FOOD SHOWS
822
00:36:41,991 --> 00:36:43,326
PEOPLE A BETTER TOMORROW.
823
00:36:43,409 --> 00:36:44,577
YOU KNOW IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
824
00:36:44,660 --> 00:36:49,665
WE GO AND WE TELL PEOPLE, "WE
HAVE ONLY ONE MISSION: FEED THE
825
00:36:49,749 --> 00:36:52,126
HUNGRY AND BRING WATER TO THE
THIRSTY"
826
00:36:52,210 --> 00:36:53,377
EVERYBODY UNDERSTANDS THIS
MESSAGE.
827
00:36:53,461 --> 00:36:56,923
MINE HAS BEEPED GLI HAVE 30
SECONDS LEFT.
828
00:36:57,006 --> 00:36:57,965
>> I WILL LEAVE IT MORE.
829
00:36:58,049 --> 00:36:59,133
>> Stephen: SHOULD I ADD MORE.
830
00:36:59,216 --> 00:37:03,679
>> A LITTLE BIT MORE BECAUSE
EVERY MICROWAVE IT BEHAVES IN A
831
00:37:03,763 --> 00:37:04,513
DIFFERENT WAY.
832
00:37:04,597 --> 00:37:06,807
YOU HAVE TO GIVE LOVE TO THE
MICROWAVE.
833
00:37:06,891 --> 00:37:10,811
YOU HAVE TO SAY, "HEY, BABY,
BEHAVE, DO GOOD.
834
00:37:10,895 --> 00:37:11,812
BE NICE."
835
00:37:11,896 --> 00:37:14,649
BECAUSE, YOU SEE, THEY HAVE THIS
BEAUTIFUL FACE.
836
00:37:14,732 --> 00:37:15,483
THESE BEAUTIFUL EYES.
837
00:37:15,566 --> 00:37:18,277
LOOK AT HOW CUTE THIS MICROWAVE
IS.
838
00:37:18,361 --> 00:37:19,153
>> Stephen: SURE.
839
00:37:19,236 --> 00:37:21,989
>> SO YOU HAVE TO BE NICE TO THE
MICROWAVE.
840
00:37:22,073 --> 00:37:23,991
YOU HAVE TO SAY, "HEY, BABY, I
NEED YOU NOW.
841
00:37:24,075 --> 00:37:29,664
I HAVE TO FINISH THIS SEGMENT OR
HE'S GOING TO THROW ME OUT OF
842
00:37:29,747 --> 00:37:32,166
THE BUILDING!"
OKAY, THIS IS DONE, I THINK.
843
00:37:32,250 --> 00:37:33,042
TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENS.
844
00:37:33,125 --> 00:37:35,211
TWO MINUTES.
845
00:37:35,294 --> 00:37:42,343
LOK AT THIS AMAZING PUMPKIN,
THE MAYONNAISE, THE PUMPKIN
846
00:37:42,426 --> 00:37:43,427
PUREE.
847
00:37:43,511 --> 00:37:44,387
>> Stephen: SHOULD I TELL--
HAVE I GOT TOO MUCH HERE?
848
00:37:44,470 --> 00:37:45,388
AM I THERE?
849
00:37:45,471 --> 00:37:48,182
>> I THINK YOU PUT TOO MUCH.
850
00:37:48,265 --> 00:37:48,808
BUT THAT'S FINE.
851
00:37:48,891 --> 00:37:49,475
KEEP GOING.
852
00:37:49,558 --> 00:37:50,101
KEEP GOING.
853
00:37:50,184 --> 00:37:50,726
>> Stephen: WE'LL USE YOURS.
854
00:37:50,810 --> 00:37:52,895
>> LOOK AT WHAT YOU DO NOW.
855
00:37:52,979 --> 00:37:57,358
I HAVE COME AND I HAVE SOME
CRACKERS.
856
00:37:57,441 --> 00:37:58,150
>> Stephen: SOME WHAT?
857
00:37:58,234 --> 00:38:00,277
>> YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY
ENGLISH?
858
00:38:00,361 --> 00:38:01,028
DO YOU HAVE COVID.
859
00:38:01,112 --> 00:38:03,698
>> Stephen: I DON'T HAVE EAR
COVID.
860
00:38:03,781 --> 00:38:05,700
I'M SORRY.
861
00:38:05,783 --> 00:38:07,368
>> A BIG HAMMER.
862
00:38:07,451 --> 00:38:10,162
>> Stephen: I DON'T HAVE MY
HAMMER.
863
00:38:10,246 --> 00:38:10,705
HOLD ON.
864
00:38:10,788 --> 00:38:11,205
>> I'LL GIVE YOU MINE.
865
00:38:11,288 --> 00:38:14,000
( LAUGHTER )
YES!
866
00:38:14,083 --> 00:38:14,750
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
867
00:38:14,834 --> 00:38:17,545
>> CAN YOU TREAT FOOD WITH
RESPECT?
868
00:38:17,628 --> 00:38:18,254
( LAUGHTER ).
869
00:38:18,337 --> 00:38:20,256
>> Stephen: IT'S INSIDE THE
BAG!
870
00:38:20,339 --> 00:38:22,717
>> YOU PUT THE GRAHAM CRACKERS
ON TOP OF THESE.
871
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:23,300
>> Stephen: OKAY.
872
00:38:23,384 --> 00:38:24,385
>> AND THEN-- VERY GOOD.
873
00:38:24,468 --> 00:38:29,557
YOU PUT THEM ON A PLATE LIKE
THAT.
874
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:30,558
UPSIDE DOWN.
875
00:38:30,641 --> 00:38:32,393
DON'T BURN YOURSELF, OR YOUR
PRODUCER WILL KILL ME.
876
00:38:32,476 --> 00:38:33,769
OH, MY GOD!
877
00:38:33,853 --> 00:38:37,732
I'M TELLING YOU, PEOPLE OF
AMERICA, THIS RECIPE WORKS.
878
00:38:37,815 --> 00:38:40,568
( LAUGHTER )
BUT THIS RECIPE WORKS.
879
00:38:40,651 --> 00:38:43,279
BUT THE STEPHEN COLBERT NEVER
GOT A SHOW ON THE COOKING
880
00:38:43,362 --> 00:38:43,738
CHANNEL.
881
00:38:43,821 --> 00:38:44,321
YOU CAN SEE WHY.
882
00:38:44,405 --> 00:38:47,033
YOU CAN SEE WHY.
883
00:38:47,116 --> 00:38:48,242
DON'T BURN YOURSELF.
884
00:38:48,326 --> 00:38:48,951
LOOK IT.
885
00:38:49,035 --> 00:38:49,744
LOOK IT.
886
00:38:49,827 --> 00:38:50,536
LOOK IT.
887
00:38:50,619 --> 00:38:50,911
OH, MY GOD!
888
00:38:50,995 --> 00:38:53,080
LOOK AT THIS.
889
00:38:53,164 --> 00:38:53,873
LOOK AT THIS.
890
00:38:53,956 --> 00:38:54,248
STEVE, LOOK AT THIS.
891
00:38:54,331 --> 00:38:55,624
LOOK AT THIS.
892
00:38:55,708 --> 00:38:59,879
IN THIS MOMENT, YOU PUT SOME
PUMPKIN SEEDS THAT WE
893
00:38:59,962 --> 00:39:00,921
KARMALIZED.
894
00:39:01,005 --> 00:39:03,132
YOU GO AND YOU PUT SOME OLIVE
OIL ON TOP LIKE THIS.
895
00:39:03,215 --> 00:39:06,427
YOU GO AND YOU PUT SOME SALT.
896
00:39:06,510 --> 00:39:09,430
AND, LADIES, PEOPLE OF AMERICA
--
897
00:39:09,513 --> 00:39:10,389
>> Stephen: THEN.
898
00:39:10,473 --> 00:39:13,100
DON'T FORGET, JUST A LITTLE--
JUST A LITTLE--
899
00:39:13,184 --> 00:39:16,479
( LAUGHTER )
JUST GET A LITTLE BIT FROM UP
900
00:39:16,562 --> 00:39:17,063
HERE.
901
00:39:17,146 --> 00:39:17,813
THERE YOU GO.
902
00:39:17,897 --> 00:39:21,776
( LAUGHTER )
OH!
903
00:39:21,859 --> 00:39:24,570
♪ ASTORIA ♪
THAT'S A SONG WE SING WHERE I
904
00:39:24,653 --> 00:39:27,490
COME FROM WHEN WE POUR THE
CIDER.
905
00:39:27,573 --> 00:39:30,159
>> Stephen: WE'RE ALL VERY
THANKFUL FOR YOU, JOSE.
906
00:39:30,242 --> 00:39:33,829
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
907
00:39:33,913 --> 00:39:37,917
TO LEARN MORE ABOUT "WORLD
CENTRAL KITCHEN" GO TO wck.org.
908
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:40,961
CHEF JOSE ANDRES, EVERYBODY.
909
00:39:41,045 --> 00:39:41,629
HAPPY THIS IS.
910
00:39:41,712 --> 00:39:43,672
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
911
00:39:43,756 --> 00:39:44,673
♪ ♪ ♪
912
00:39:54,058 --> 00:39:55,017
LATE SHOW."
913
00:39:55,101 --> 00:39:58,479
JOIN US MONDAY FOR A SPECIAL
"LATE SHOW" WITH ALL-NEW
914
00:39:58,562 --> 00:40:00,439
NEVER-AIRED PARTS OF MY
INTERVIEW WITH BARACK OBAMA.
915
00:40:00,523 --> 00:40:03,776
HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYBODY.
916
00:40:03,859 --> 00:40:04,652
STAY SAFE.
917
00:40:04,735 --> 00:40:05,611
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
918
00:40:05,694 --> 00:40:07,822
GOOD NIGHT.
919
00:40:07,905 --> 00:40:10,366
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
920
00:40:10,449 --> 00:40:12,618
Captioning sponsored by CBS
Captioned by
921
00:40:13,577 --> 00:40:15,621
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org