>> THE C.D.C. ONCE AGAIN ADVISING PEOPLE NOT TO TRAVEL
FOR THANKSGIVING.
>> DR. SCOTT ATLAS SAID THAT THEY SHOULD INVITE ELDERLY
RELATIVES BECAUSE IT COULD BE THEIR LAST THANKSGIVING.
>> THIS KIND OF ISOLATION IS ONE OF THE UNSPOKEN TRAGEDIES OF THE
ELDERLY, WHO ARE NOW BEING TOLD DON'T SEE YOUR FAMILY AT
THANKSGIVING.
FOR MANY PEOPLE, THIS IS THEIR FINAL THANKSGIVING.
>> THIS THANKSGIVING, HALLMARK INTRODUCES THE DR. ATLAS HOLIDAY
CARD COLLECTION.
YOU WILL GET SUCH TOUCHING SENTIMENTS AS --
OR -- AND THE HEART WARMING --
SO PICK UP HALLMARK'S THE DR. ATLAS HOLIDAY CARD
COLLECTION TODAY BECAUSE DR. ATLAS SAYS TO IGNORE THE
C.D.C. AND DON'T FEAR THE PIL-GRIM REAPER.
>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!
TONIGHT, HE'S DYING UP THERE.
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES LL COOL J, DAVE GROHL AND MUSICAL GUEST
FOO FIGHTERS, FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HOMIN."
NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE BUILDING
IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> Stephen: WELCOME!
TO "A LATE SHOW."
I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M YELLING.
WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."
IT'S JUST YOU AND ME.
I'M STEPHEN COLBERT, YOUR HOST.
MARK, CHRIS, EVIE IS HERE.
ALWAYS A LOVELY NIGHT.
YOU'RE LOOKING LOVELY OVER THERE.
>> FOLKS, AS YOU ALWAYS DO -- THAT'S NOT NEWS.
FOLKS, AS MUCH AS IT'S HARD TO CONTEMPLATE, OUR NATION IS IN
THE GRIPS OF A SEEMINGLY ENDLESS PLAGUE, AND HE WON'T LEAVE THE
WHITE HOUSE.
IT'S BEEN 12 DAYS SINCE THE PRESIDENT LOST THE ELECTION
AND HE CONTINUES TO PURSUE HIS STRONG LEGAL ARGUMENT OF
"BUT I DON'T WANNA!" I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON THE LATEST
PRESIDENTIAL SELF-PITY PARTY IN MY SADOMASOCHISTIC SEGMENT:
>> ONE, TWO, A RECOUNT, A COUP, THREE, FOUR, A CIVIL WAR
FIVE, SIX, WE ARE HUGE DICKS!
>> ROAD FROM THE WHITE HOUSE!
>> Stephen: I THINK "HUGE" IS GENEROUS.
THE PRESIDENTIAL LEGAL TEAM IS ON A BIT OF A
LOSING STREAK.
AFTER DISMISSING THEIR LAST REMAINING FEDERAL LAWSUIT IN
MICHIGAN THIS MORNING, THEY ARE ONE TO 29 FOR POST-ELECTION
LITIGATION.
THE PRESIDENT'S JUST FULFILLING THIS CAMPAIGN PROMISE:
>> WE WILL HAVE SO MUCH LOSING!
IF I GET ELECTED THAT YOU MAY GET BORED WITH LOSING!
>> STEPHEN: BUT THE BAD NEWS IS NOT STOPPING TRUMP LAWYER AND
PHANTOM OF THE SEX SHOP, RUDY GIULIANI.
EARLIER TODAY, GIULIANI HELD ANOTHER PRESS CONFERENCE TO
SPOUT HIS CONSPIRACY THEORIES.
UNFORTUNATELY, IT SEEMS LIKE FOUR SEASONS TOTAL LANDSCAPING
WAS BOOKED, SO THIS EVENT WAS HELD AT THE HEADQUARTERS OF THE
REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE.
STILL, THE SAME AMOUNT OF MANURE WAS INVOLVED.
EVEN THOUGH THE PENNSYLVANIA SUPREME COURT ALREADY RULED THAT
GOP OBSERVERS HAD APPROPRIATE ACCESS TO THE RECOUNT, RUDY KEPT
COMPLAINING THEY COULDN'T SEE THE COUNTING.
AND HE CITED THE LEGAL PRECEDENT OF... A JOE PESCI MOVIE FROM THE
'90S.
>> WE COULD DO, LIKE, A-- DID YOU ALL WATCH "MY COUSIN VINNY"?
YOU KNOW THE MOVIE?
IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE LAW MOVIES, BECAUSE HE COMES FROM
BROOKLYN, AND WHEN-- AND WHEN THE NICE LADY SAID SHE SAW AND
THEN HE SAYS TO HER "HOW MANY FINGERS DO I GOT UP?"
AND SHE SAYS, "THREE."
WELL, SHE WAS TOO FAR AWAY TO SEE IT WAS ONLY TWO.
THESE PEOPLE WERE FURTHER AWAY THAN MY COUSIN VINNY WAS FROM
THE WITNESS.
THEY COULDN'T SEE A THING.
>> STEPHEN: OKAY, NOW I EVEN FEEL BAD FOR THE WOMEN UP THERE
WITH HIM.
THEY GOT ALL DRESSED UP, JUST TO HAVE A MAN EXPLAIN ALL THE
DETAILS OF A MOVIE HE LIKES?
(AS GIULIANI) "SO, SOMETIMES THEY CALL HIM
GOLLUM, BUT SOMETIMES THEY CALL HIM SMEAGOL.
HE ACTUALLY REFERS TO HIMSELF AS 'WE' AND 'PRECIOUS.'
ANYWAYS... ANY OF YOU LADIES WANNA HELP ME TUCK IN MY SHIRT?"
BY THE WAY, MY FAVORITE LAW MOVIE IS THE ONE WHERE BORAT
TRICKS YOU INTO GOING TO A HOTEL BEDROOM AND...
POUND YOUR PANTS GAVEL.
IF IT PLEASE THE COURT, YOUR HONOR, MAY I APPROACH THE
CROTCH?
AND IT SEEMS LIKE THE PRESS CONFERENCE WAS GETTING A LITTLE
HOT, BECAUSE PARTWAY THROUGH HIS PRESENTATION, RUDY SWEAT SO MUCH
THAT HIS HAIR DYE STARTED RUNNING DOWN HIS FACE.
EITHER THAT, OR HE HAD SO MUCH TO DRINK HE WAS SWEATING MERLOT.
JIMMY, DO WE HAVE ANOTHER ANGLE ON THAT?
REMIND ME: IS IT A GOOD SIGN WHEN YOUR LAWYER STARTS MELTING?
LOOKS LIKE RUDY GOT A BAD BATCH OF "JUST FOR HENCHMEN."
THAT'S NOT JUST HAIR DYE-- IT LOOKS LIKE HIS HAIR IS DYING.
RUDY DYED HIS HAIR, BUT HIS HEAD IS CHALLENGING THE RESULTS.
EVIDENTLY HE HAD HIS HAIR STYLED AT JIFFY LUBE.
NOW, OBVIOUSLY, IT'S EASY TO MAKE FUN OF RUDY HERE, BUT IT'S
ALSO VERY SATISFYING.
HERE'S THE THING: RUDY AND THE REST OF THE PRESIDENT'S
ATTORNEYS DO NOT SPECIALIZE IN ELECTION LAW.
BUT THEY INSIST THEY'RE THE RIGHT PEOPLE FOR THE CON JOB.
>> THIS IS AN ELITE STRIKE FORCE TEAM THAT IS WORKING ON BEHALF
THE PRESIDENT AND THE CAMPAIGN TO MAKE SURE THAT OUR
CONSTITUTION IS PROTECTED.
>> STEPHEN: YES, AN ELITE STRIKE FORCE: SEAL TEAM SUCKS.
A FEW PEOPLE IN THE ADMINISTRATION MUST HAVE SEEN
THE WRITING ON THE WALL THOUGH, BECAUSE ADVISERS HAVE
STARTED TALKING TO THE PRESIDENT ABOUT WHAT THE END LOOKS LIKE,
USING THE WORD "CONCLUSION" RATHER THAN "CONCESSION."
THEY'RE TALKING TO HIM LIKE HE'S A THREE-YEAR-OLD.
"MR. PRESIDENT, YOU DIDN'T LOSE, YOUR CAMPAIGN JUST WENT DOWN THE
BIG BOY POTTY."
THEY'RE ALSO USING PHRASES LIKE "GOING INTO RETIREMENT," INSTEAD
OF "GOING TO JAIL."
BUT THEY'RE NOT PUTTING MUCH EFFORT INTO IT.
HERE'S THE PRESIDENT'S CHIEF OF STAFF YESTERDAY, RESPONDING TO A
REPORTER'S QUESTION ABOUT VOTER FRAUD:
>> YOU SAID YOU'VE SEEN SPECIFIC VOTER FRAUD EXAMPLES-- WHAT ARE
THOSE EXACTLY?
>> IT WOULD BE TOO LONG TO GET INTO AND LITIGATE IT HERE.
>> STEPHEN: (AS MEADOWS) "I HAVE TONS OF SPECIFICS.
I LEFT THEM WITH MY CANADIAN GIRLFRIEND.
LET ME JUST TEXT MY HER.
UH-OH, MY DOG ATE MY CANADA."
SO THE END MAY BE IN SIGHT, WHICH IS GOOD, OBVIOUSLY, BUT
ALSO, IT'S KIND OF SAD.
BECAUSE THIS IS THE MOST FUN I'VE HAD IN YEARS.
FOR TEN DAYS, WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO WATCH THE PRESIDENT LOSE OVER
AND OVER AGAIN.
LOSE THE ELECTION, LOSE THE RECOUNT, LOSE THE LAWSUITS!
IT'S LIKE CHANUKAH: WE THOUGHT THERE WAS ONLY ENOUGH STUPID TO
LAST FOR ONE DAY, BUT MIRACULOUSLY, IT JUST KEEPS
GOING.
ALSO, I'M JUST POUNDING DOWN FRIED POTATOES WITH APPLE SAUCE.
ONE PERSON WHO'S NOT ENJOYING THE ATTEMPTED COUP IS HEAD OF
THE GENERAL SERVICES ADMINISTRATION AND WOMAN WHO IS
EITHER 14 OR 40, EMILY MURPHY.
MURPHY HAS RECEIVED A LOT OF CRITICISM FOR NOT RELEASING
FUNDS FOR THE INCOMING BIDEN ADMINISTRATION TO BEGIN THEIR
TRANSITION.
WHICH APPARENTLY HAS BEEN ROUGH ON... HER?
ACCORDING TO HER FRIENDS, SHE IS STRUGGLING WITH THE WEIGHT OF
THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION BEING DROPPED ON HER SHOULDERS,
FEELING LIKE SHE'S BEEN PUT IN A NO-WIN SITUATION.
SHE'S RIGHT, IT IS A NO-WIN SITUATION.
BECAUSE WHEN IT COMES TO A SECOND TERM, HER BOSS NO WIN.
SINCE THE ELECTION, MURPHY HASN'T MADE ANY PUBLIC
APPEARANCES, AND EVERYBODY'S BEEN WAITING FOR HER TO MAKE A
STATEMENT.
AND SHE FINALLY DID LAST NIGHT, WHEN SHE TWEETED:
"DCCCF REX ZZZ @#Z@SMANN ANANN."
HOPE I'M PRONOUNCING THAT CORRECTLY.
EITHER THAT'S AN ACCIDENTAL TWEET, OR SHE'S TRYING TO CALL
FORTH SOME SORT OF LOVECRAFTIAN CREATURE FROM ANOTHER
DIMENSION.
(AS MURPHY) "FROM THE DEPTHS OF D'CCCF REX,
I CALL FORTH TO THEE, AT-SMANNANAN, SEPARATOR OF
DARKNESS FROM LIGHT, REND ASUNDER THE THIN VEIL OF REALITY
AND SEND FORTH C'THULU!
AND C'VFEFE!" HOPE I DIDN'T DO THAT TOO
POWERFULLY.
I DON'T WANT TO SUMMON ANOTHER WORLDLY DEMON.
ONE THING THE PRESIDENT HAS NOT BEEN DOING IS... ANYTHING.
BUT HE HAS DECIDED TO CONTINUE ONE LONG-RUNNING TRADITION:
HE WILL PARDON THE ANNUAL THANKSGIVING TURKEY AT THE
WHITE HOUSE ON TUESDAY.
GIVEN ALL THE COVID OUTBREAKS AT THE WHITE HOUSE, THE TURKEY
MAY WANT TO OPT OUT OF THE WHOLE CEREMONY.
(AS TURKEY) "THANKS, BUT I'LL TAKE MY
CHANCES WITH THE HATCHET."
(GOBBLES) THE PRESIDENT ISN'T THE ONLY
DISEASE VECTOR GETTING READY FOR THANKSGIVING.
THE PANDEMIC IS THREATENING TO TURN THE HOLIDAY INTO A
SUPER-SPREADER EVENT.
AND I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON ALL THE DEPRESSING DETAILS IN MY VIRAL
SEGMENT: CATCH A THIRD WAVE: ENDLESS
BUMMER!
>> SEASON'S GREETINGS!
>> Stephen: WHERE'S MY SPRITE?
OR MY SPRAY BOTTLE.
YESTERDAY, WE CROSSED A HORRIBLE THRESHOLD
IN THE EPIDEMIC.
BECAUSE THE CORONAVIRUS HAS NOW KILLED A QUARTER OF A MILLION
PEOPLE IN THE U.S., AND AT THE CURRENT RATE, THE DISEASE IS
KILLING AT LEAST ONE AMERICAN EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY.
UNLIKE IN THE SPRING, WHEN THINGS WERE BAD, RIGHT NOW
THINGS ARE BAD EVERYWHERE.
AS OF YESTERDAY, 47 STATES HAD AT LEAST 10% MORE NEW DAILY
CASES.
IN FACT, ONLY HAWAII HAS SEEN AT LEAST A 10% DECREASE IN
NEW CASES.
MAKES SENSE.
IN HAWAII, "ALOHA" MEANS BOTH "HELLO" AND "PUT ON YOUR (BLEEP)
MASK."
THERE ARE SO MANY NEW CASES THAT THE "NEW YORK TIMES" HAD TO
UPDATE HOW THEY DO COVID MAPS.
YESTERDAY THEY EXPLAINED, "THE OUTBREAK HAS BECOME SO BAD IN
PARTS OF THE COUNTRY THAT OUR OLD SCALE NO LONGER SHOWED ANY
VARIATION N SEVERITY, EVERYTHING WAS JUST SOLID RED."
SO, HERE'S HOW THEY CHANGED IT.
(AS OFFICIAL) "AS YOU CAN SEE, MINNESOTA IS A
DEEP AUBERGINE, WHILE NEBRASKA IS A SOOTHING BURGUNDY, AND MY
PANTS ARE HOLDING STEADY AT A CODE BROWN."
THERE ARE SO MANY CASES ALL OVER THE COUNTRY THAT TODAY, THE
C.D.C. RECOMMENDED AGAINST ALL TRAVEL FOR THANKSGIVING.
BUT IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT ANYWAY, THEY'VE ISSUED SOME TIPS
ON DOING IT SAFELY, LIKE: "ENCOURAGE GUESTS TO AVOID
SHOUTING."
HOW IS THAT GOING TO WORK?
AT THANKSGIVINGS, SHOUTING IS A SIDE DISH.
(TIMID, POLITE) "UNCLE RANDY?
I'D LIKE TO ENCOURAGE YOU TO USE YOUR INSIDE VOICE WHEN YOU SHARE
YOUR FEELINGS THAT GEORGE SOROS IS PUSHING THE GAY AGENDA WITH
SUGAR-FREE GUM?" BUT THE C.D.C.'S MOST DRASTIC
SUGGESTION IS TO ENCOURAGE GUESTS TO AVOID SINGING.
WELL, COME ON!
ARE YOU SAYING FAMILIES WON'T BE ABLE TO SING ALL THOSE
BELOVED THANKSGIVING CAROLS?
WELL, LUCKILY, YOU CAN STILL ENJOY THEM ALL, WITH THIS
SEASON'S HOTTEST HOLIDAY ALBUM: >> THE PANDEMIC MAY HAVE
CANCELED YOUR TURKEY DAY SING ALONG BUT YOU CAN STILL LISTEN
TO THE SWEET SOUNDS OF THE THANKSGIVING CAROLS YOU LOVE IN
ONE NEW ALBUM CALLED I AM JAMS.
ENJOY ALL THE HOLLY GOBBLEY HITS!
♪ HAVE YOURSELF ANOTHER SPOON OF GRAVY ♪
♪ LET YOUR HEART JUST DIE ♪ ♪ .
>> AND WHO CAN FORGET -- ♪
♪ ROCKIN' AROUND THE CASTLE
ROLL ♪ ♪ IT'S A GREEN BEAN HAPPY TIME ♪
>> AND EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE ♪ ♪ CRANBERRY SAUCE CRANBERRY
SAUCE CRANBERRY SAUCE CRANBERRY SAUCE ♪
>> WE EVEN INCLUDED -- ♪ RANDY THE RED NOSED UNCLE ♪
♪ HE'S HAD WAY TOO MUCH TO DRINK ♪
♪ WE'LL NEVER LET POOR RANDY EVER HOLD HIS BABY NIECE ♪
>> AND THEN THIS CLASSIC.
♪ JIGGLE FAT JIGGLE FAT ♪ ♪ I HAVE GAINED SOME WEIGHT ♪
>> AND FOR OUR JEWISH FRIENDS.
♪ STUFFING STUFFING STUFFING ♪ ♪ STUFFING I WOULD EAT ♪
♪ STUFFING STUFFING STUFFING, IT KIND OF TASTES LIKE FEET ♪
>> SEASONS EATINGS, EVERYBODY!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
>> THAT'S WHAT I CALL I AM JAMS.
ORDER NOW!
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
LL COOL J IS HERE, AND LATER A PERFORMANCE BY FOO FIGHTERS.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!"!
JOIN US.
♪ >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY!
YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS, TIME TO SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.
HELLO, JON, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Jon: HEY!
HEAR THAT?
♪ ♪
>> Stephen: WHAT BEAT IS THAT?
WHAT RHYTHM IS THAT?
CLOV?
>> Jon: YEAH, YEAH!
HEY, HEY!
>> Stephen: I HAVE A SERIOUS QUESTION FOR YOU.
REMEMBER LAST NIGHT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THOSE BISCUITS
FROM CHARLESTON.
>> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS.
OH, YES, YES.
>> Stephen: OKAY, SO I GOT FAMILY WORKING ON THIS, BUT THEY
NEED TO KNOW, DOES THIS GO TO KENNER OR IS THIS GOING UP HERE?
WHICH WAY DO YOU WANT IT TO GO?
>> IT WOULD BE NICE TO GIVE SOME TO THE FAMILY.
I WON'T BE DOWN.
I WON'T BE AT KENNER, BUT IT WOULD BE NICE TO GIVE SOME TO
THE FAMILY.
>> Stephen: WE WOULD SEND TWO.
WE'VE GOT TOP MAN ON IT RIGHT NOW.
>> Jon: OH, YEAH.
I GOT THE BOOK, TOO!
THE BOOK!
WOW!
>> Stephen: DID YOU GET IT?
>> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS!
THOSE SONGS, THAT'S GOING TO -- THAT IS GOING TO ENRICH MY LIFE
IN WAYS I DON'T EVEN KNOW YET, SO THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT.
IT'S DEEP, ISN'T IT?
>> Jon: IT'S VERY, VERY DEEP.
SUCH AN INCREDIBLE HISTORY, SO MUCH TO LEARN FROM THAT AND THE
COMBINATION OF MY HISTORY, IT'S AMAZING.
>> Stephen: FOR PEOPLE WONDERING, I GAVE JOHN A BOOK
CALLED "AIN'T YOU GOT A RIGHT TO THE TREE OF LIFE," WHICH IS A
BOOK OF INTERVIEWS WITH GULLA PEOPLE WHO LIVED ON THE COAST IN
THE '60s AND THE SONGS THEY SANG.
THOUGHT YOU WOULD ENJOY THAT.
>> Jon: THANK YOU, THAT'S AMAZING.
>> Stephen: CAN'T GET THAT IN HARDBACK ANYMORE, BUDDY.
>> Jon: OH!
I'M A COLLECTOR!
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THANK YOU, JON.
BYE!
YOU KNOW, EVERY DAY I TAKE EXTENSIVE M.R.I.'S OF THE DAY'S
BIGGEST STORIES, ORDER THOROUGH TOPICAL BLOODWORK, AND RUN A
FULL WORK-UP OF STORY DIAGNOSTICS TO CREATE FOR YOU
THE COMPREHENSIVE NEWS WELLNESS EVALUATION THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, IT'S NICE TO JUST WALK DOWN TO THE OVERPASS IN MY
ROBE AND GET IN THE VAN OF A GUY WHO CLAIMS HE HAS AN ASSOCIATE
DEGREE IN EQUINE MEDICINE FOR THE UNLICENSED PROSTATE EXAM OF
NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE!"
QUARANTINE-WHILE, AMAZON IS NOW SELLING PRESCRIPTION DRUGS.
WHICH MIGHT SOUND GOOD, BUT I CAN DEFINITELY SEE A DOWNSIDE TO
MAKING ALEXA YOUR DRUG DEALER.
>> DID YOU GO TO CVS YESTERDAY?
I THOUGHT WE HAD AN ARRANGEMENT.
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO CUT A (BLEEP).
>> Stephen: IF YOU THINK WHAT GAMERS NEED THE LORD, GOOD NEWS,
SOME GAMERS ARE BRINGING JESUS TO TWITCH."
JESUS IS A PERFECT VIDEO GAME CHARACTER.
HE HAD A CLEAR MISSION, HE FOUGHT EVIL, HE HAD EXTRA LIVES,
AND WHEN HE EATS THE MAGIC FLOWER HE CAN SHOOT FIREBALLS.
THESE GAME-VANGELISTS ARE PART OF "GOD-MODE ACTIVATED," A GROUP
DEDICATED TO "ACTIVATING GAMERS IN FAITH," AND WHO USE STREAMING
PLATFORMS TO SPREAD THE GOSPEL WHILE PLAYING "FORTNITE."
THE PERFECT VENUE TO SPREAD JESUS' MESSAGE TO THE PHARISEES:
"BLESSED ARE THEY WHO RACK UP THE HIGHEST KILL COUNT AND DO
THE SICKEST DANCES OVER THE BODIES OF THEIR ENEMIES."
QUARANTINE-WHILE, A NEW REPORT HAS FOUND THAT PLATYPUS FUR
GLOWS GREEN UNDER U.V. LIGHT.
WHICH IS GOING TO MAKE FOR A SUPER MESSED UP SCENE ON "C.S.I.
BRISBANE."
LOOKS LIKE THIS ORNITHORYNCHIDAE IS...
ORNITHORYNCHI-DEAD.
♪ >> YEAAHHH!
>> Stephen: NO, HE PUTS THEM ON THEN SAYS IT.
HONEY, WE HAVE A TEAM ON THIS.
CAN YOU RESEARCH THAT?
DID IT RIGHT?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING-- STEPHEN, WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE
SHINING U.V. LIGHTS ON PLATYPUSES?
AS ONE OF THE RESEARCHERS EXPLAINED, "IT WAS A MIX OF
SERENDIPITY AND CURIOSITY."
BUDDY, THAT'S A LOT OF $10 WORDS JUST TO SAY "ME 'N DALE GOT HIGH
IN THE LAB."
QUARANTINE-WHILE, K.F.C. IS GOING TO BE SERVING FRIED
CHICKEN IN REPLICAS OF ITS HOLIDAY-THEMED BUCKETS FROM
1966 AND 1971.
A SPOKESPERSON FOR THE CHICKEN PEOPLE SAID "WE HOPE OUR HOLIDAY
BUCKETS HELP EVERYONE HARK BACK TO A SIMPLER TIME."
AH, YES, THE LATE '60S: A SIMPLER TIME OF RACIAL CONFLICT,
POLITICAL ASSASSINATIONS, AND BEING TOO BUSY SMOKING
UNFILTERED CAMEL CIGARETTES TO CARE WHAT FRIED CHICKEN WAS
DOING TO US.
QUARANTINE-WHILE, WE HERE AT "MEANWHILE CLOUD-BASED
CONTRACTING, CLICK-AND-MORTAR INNOVATION CONSORTIUM
INCORPORATED" SOMETIMES ACQUIRE SO MANY OWL-RELATED STORIES, WE
COLLECT THEM IN OUR QUARANTINE-WHILE SUB-SUB
SEGMENT: "MEANWH-OWL."
MEANWH-OWL, CENTRAL PARK'S NEW CELEBRITY BIRD IS BARRY THE
BARRED OWL.
SO MAJESTIC!
AND A MAJOR IMPROVEMENT OVER CENTRAL PARK'S OLD CELEBRITY
BIRD, ALAN, THE CHAIN-SMOKING PIGEON.
MEANWH-OWL, "A TINY OWL WAS SAVED AFTER GETTING STUCK IN THE
ROCKEFELLER CENTER TREE."
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT HIM-- AWWWWW!
LOOK AT HOW TINY HE IS.
HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF THAT LIL'
GUY?
THAT FIRST PICTURE WAS TAKEN IMMEDIATELY AFTER HE WAS REMOVED
FROM HIS MIDTOWN RENT-CONTROLLED TREE.
AND HERE HE IS AT THE MOMENT HE FOUND OUT HOW MUCH A STUDIO
APARTMENT COSTS IN NEW YORK.
SO HE HAS BEEN MOVED TO A SANCTUARY UPSTATE, WHERE HE IS
LOOKING MUCH BETTER!
WHAT A GLOW-UP!
MICHAEL B. JORDAN IS LUCKY THE "SEXIEST MAN ALIVE" WAS
ANNOUNCED YESTERDAY, OR THAT COVER WOULD BE VERY DIFFERENT.
LADIES, HE'S NOCTURNAL.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH LL COOL J.
♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY!
MY FIRST GUEST IS A MULTI-PLATINUM AND
GRAMMY-WINNING ARTIST, A BEST-SELLING AUTHOR, AND AN
ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM HIS 12 SEASONS ON "NCIS:
LOS ANGELES."
PLEASE WELCOME LL COOL J!
HELLO, SIR!
HOW ARE YA?
>> MR. COLBERT, HOW YOU DOING, MAN?
>> Stephen: I'M DOING WELL.
I'M SO EXCITED YOU GUYS ARE BACK ON THE AIR.
>> YEAH, IT'S EXCITING.
WE'RE KIND OF FILMING IN, LIKE, A POST-PANDEMIC WORLD, WHICH IS
REALLY INTERESTING BECAUSE, IN BETWEEN SHOTS, WE'VE GOT TO, YOU
KNOW, JUMP IN -- >> Stephen: I HEARD THAT.
I WAS GOING TO GET TO IT LATER BUT LET'S DO IT NOW.
FIRST OF ALL, I LOVE THERE ARE OTHER TELEVISION SHOWS ON CBS
COMING ON, THE SEASON FINALLY STARTED.
THAT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD, LIKE PART OF A TEAM AGAIN.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: ALSO I LOVE THE WHOLE SEASON IS BASED IN A WORLD
WHERE WE'VE GOTTEN THROUGH THE PANDEMIC AND ARE ON THE OTHER
SIDE.
WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO BE ON SET AND IN CHARACTER AND DOING
IT WHERE WE CAN SEE WHAT IT'S GOING TO FEEL LIKE TO SEE EACH
OTHER AND TOUCH AGAIN.
>> WE'RE NOT FULLY OUT BUT THINGS ARE BETTER.
AS SOON AS THEY SAY CUT, THEY RUN UP ON ME WITH 15 MASKS.
YOU KNOW, I'M WASHING MY HANDS, BEHIND MY EARS, I'M STOWING AWAY
IN THE CLOSET.
WE'VE GOT AN ORANGE SECTION TO BE OFFICIAL EFFICIENT, WE HAVE A
YELLOW SECTION TO BE EFFICIENT.
CBS HAS BEEN REALLY I THINK, YOU KNOW, SMART ABOUT HOW WE HAVE
BEEN DOING IT.
PEOPLE, LIKE, WE HAVE SPECIFIC SECTIONS FOR SPECIFIC PEOPLE,
BATHROOMS FOR SPECIFIC PEOPLE, IT'S REALLY INTERESTING.
GETTING THROUGH IT.
GOT TO STAY HEALTHY.
AT THE END TO HAVE THE DAY, STAY HEALTHY.
>> Stephen: IT'S BEEN A YEAR SINCE I TALKED TO YOU, AND WHAT
HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO -- YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE KIND OF FELL
INTO A SPIRAL DEPRESSION BECAUSE THEY HAD NOTHING TO DO, SOME
PEOPLE GOT VERY INTO HOBBIES OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING WITH THE TIME WHERE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN
WORKING?
>> EATING -- TOO MUCH.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
I'M THE BEFORE PICTURE RIGHT NOW.
BUT, YOU KNOW, IN ADDITION TO THAT, I BASICALLY, YOU KNOW --
YOU KNOW, LOOK, I'VE JUST REALLY BEEN STAYING FOCUSED.
FOR ME, I WEAR A MASK, WASH MY HANDS.
THERE'S A RAGING DEBATE ABOUT MASKS WHICH I TOTALLY DON'T GET
IT, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.
>> Stephen: I'M NOT SURE IT'S SO MUCH A DEBATE AS AN EMOTIONAL
RESPONSE.
I DON'T THINK THERE'S, LIKE, FACTS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE
DEBATE, LIKE, WEAR A MASK, IT'S AT LEAST NOT GOING TO HURT.
>> THEY'RE PRESENTING FACTS.
BUT MY THING IS, LIKE, OKAY, YOU KNOW, I MEAN, YES, YOU KNOW, I
MEAN, THIS IS A LITTLE ROUGH, BUT, YEAH, BULLET IN THE HEAD
WILL KILL YOU BUT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULDN'T WEAR A BULLETPROOF
VEST.
TAKE THE BEST PRECAUTIONS YOU CAN.
YOU WEAR A SEAT BELT.
SOMETHING COULD FALL OUT OF THE SKY AND LAND ON YOUR CAR, BUT
WEAR A SEAT BELT.
I DON'T REALLY GET IT.
THE THING FOR ME THAT'S BEEN CHALLENGING IS TO UNDERSTAND
THAT.
>> Stephen: ELSEWISE IN THESE COVID TIMES, A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE
GOING TO STREAMING SERVICES, OBVIOUSLY YOU AND RIABOUT
PARAMOUNT PLUS.
BUT THERE ARE OTHERS.
HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING QUEEN'S GGAMBIT?
>> YES.
THAT'S A SMART CHARACTER, SUCH A REALLY INTERESTING STORY.
YOU KNOW, WATCHING THOSE -- YOU KNOW, JUST HER LIFE UNFOLD --
>> Stephen: DOES IT MAKE YOU WANT TO PLAY CHESS?
>> I GUESS YOU COULD CALL IT PLAYING CHESS.
I KNOW HOW THE PIECES MOVE.
I WOULDN'T EXACTLY CALL IT PLAYING CHESS.
YEAH, I CAN PLAY.
I KNOW HOW THE PIECES MOVE, LET ME SAY THAT, YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN.
BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I'M, LIKE, LOOKING TO JOIN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
CHESS CLUB AND GET 'EM UP AND RUNNING, SMOKE 'EM OUT AND GET
'EM RUNNING.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> Stephen: JUST COME TO NEW YORK AND GO DOWN TO
WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK AND JOIN THOSE GUYS.
>> JUST GET HUSTLED RIGHT QUICK, LOSE 20 BUCKS QUICK AND GO HOME
WITH MY TAIL BETWEEN MY LEGS?
>> Stephen: YESTERDAY ACTUALLY WAS THE 35th ANNIVERSARY OF
YOUR DEBUT ALBUM "RADIO," AND HERE YOU ARE 35 YEARS AGO, THIS
IS YOU IN 1985.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: REALLY, JUST CHANGE THAT OUT FOR A BUCKET HAT
AND YOU LOOK THE SAME TO ME.
>> (LAUGHING) THE SAME HUMAN BEING.
>> Stephen: WHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO SAY TO THIS GUY ABOUT
THE 35 YEARS COMING AHEAD?
ANY ADVICE?
>> ALL STOCK TIPS.
NO, I'M KIDDING.
YOU KNOW, JUST STICK TO IT.
JUST KEEP BELIEVING IN YOURSELF.
YOU HAVE PEOPLE OUT THERE WITH KIDS.
THEY'RE WATCHING.
KEEP BELIEVING IN THE BEAUTY OF YOUR DREAMS, KEEP BELIEVING YOU
CAN TAKE IT TO ANOTHER LEVEL AND KEEP LEARNING.
DON'T JUST BE CURIOUS, BUT SEARCH.
ETH ONE THING TO BE CURIOUS, BUT CURIOSITY CAN BE PASSIVE, BUT
SEARCHING IS ACTIVE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
SO CURIOSITY CAN LEAD TO WONDER OR SEARCHING.
SO MY THING IS YOU'VE GOT TO SEARCH, YOU KNOW, FOR WHAT IT IS
THAT YOU WANT TO DO, AND YOU HAVE TO REALLY CONSIDER YOUR
DREAMS, AND THAT'S WHAT I WOULD TELL THEM, YOU KNOW, SEARCH AND
KEEP LEARNING AND KEEP STUDYING AND DON'T UNDERESTIMATE
YOURSELF.
>> Stephen: IT'S ALSO THE 30th ANNIVERSARY OF MOMMA SAID
KNOCK YOU OUT.
IT WAS INSPIRED BY ADVICE FROM YOUR GRANDMOTHER.
WHAT WAS THAT ADVICE AND DO YOU STILL LIVE BY IT?
>> I WAS COMING OFF AN ALBUM THAT WAS CRITICALLY PANNED AND
THE STREETS HAVE A NEGATIVE REACTION TO IT AND I WAS FEELING
DOWN.
MY GRANDMOTHER SAID, YOU'VE GOT TO GET OUT THERE AND KNOCK 'EM
OUT.
YOU'VE GOT TO GET OUT THERE AND KNOCK 'EM OUT AND DO WHAT YOU
NEED TO DO.
I ACTUALLY TOOK THOSE WORDS SHE SAID TO ME AND SAID, MOMMA SAID
KNOCK YOU EOUT.
THAT'S ADVICE ON ANY LEVEL.
IF YOU'RE IN A VALLEY AND TRYING TO GET BACK ON A PEAKER OR IF
YOU'RE TRYING TO EXTEND A PEAK, YOU HAVE TO KNOCK 'EM OUT.
YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE INTESTINAL FORTITUDE AND WHEREWITHAL TO
KEEP GOING EVEN IN ADVERSE AT THIS AND I THINK THAT APPLIES
FROM THE STREETS TO THE HIGHEST LEVELS OF GOVERNMENT, WHATEVER,
LIKE BEING ABLE TO PERSEVERE AND KNOCK 'EM OUT WHEN YOU'RE IN A
TIGHT SPOT IS PART OF WHAT WE NEED TO BE SUCCESSFUL AS HUMAN
BEINGS, RIGHT.
>> Stephen: GOOD ADVICE FOR AMERICA RIGHT NOW.
>> ABSOLUTELY, 100%.
>> Stephen: BEFORE I LET YOU GO, I ASKED YOU THIS QUESTION IN
2019 AND 2017.
IT'S ONLY MORE RELEVANT WITH EVERY PASSING YEAR.
"NCIS" IS NAVEL CRIMINAL CRIME --
>> NAVAL CRIMINAL INVESTIGATIVE SERVICES.
>> Stephen: IN LOS ANGELES.
HOW COME YOU HAVEN'T CLEANED UP ALL THE NAVAL CRIME IN TEN
YEARS.
>> I WANT TO TAKE TOTAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR NOT TOTALLY
ERADICATING CRIME FROM THE EARTH.
>> Stephen: NOT TOTALLY, JUST NAVAL CRIME IN LOS ANGELES.
>> WE'VE GOT WORK TO .
DO IT'S LIKE A HEATED DRIVEWAY.
THE SNOW KEEPS MELTING.
WE'RE NOT JUST GETTING THE CRIME AND GETTING IT OUT OF THERE.
IT'S A PROBLEM.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE, I GUESS.
>> YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.
>> Stephen: "NCIS LOS ANGELES" AIRS SUNDAYS
AT 8:00 P.M. ON CBS.
LL COOL J, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH DAVE GROHL.
♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK.
MY NEXT GUEST IS A 16-TIME GRAMMY AWARD-WINNING MUSICIAN
AND ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAMER FROM FOO FIGHTERS AND NIRVANA.
PLEASE WELCOME DAVE GROHL!
HEY, DAVE!
>> HI, HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD TO SEE YA.
>> Stephen: I'M DOING WELL.
NOW, WHAT I CAN'T BELIEVE IS THAT 2020 -- THIS IS THE 25
25th ANNIVERSARY YEAR OF THE FOO FIGHTERS.
THAT WAS FAST.
DID YOU HAVE PLANS TO CELEBRATE AND JUST COULDN'T BECAUSE OF THE
COVID?
>> YEAH.
WE HAD -- WE HAVE BEEN PLANNING FOR THIS YEAR --
>> Stephen: SOME PEOPLE DON'T MARK ANNIVERSARIES.
>> -- YEARS AGO.
WE THOUGHT, OKAY, IT'S OUR 25th ANNIVERSARY, WE'RE GOING
TO MAKE OUR TENTH RECORD.
WE HAVE A WORLD DOMINATION SCHEME TO CIRCLE THE PLANET A
FEW TIMES, CELEBRATE WITH THE WORLD.
WE FINISHED MAKING A RECORD, HAD THE T-SHIRTS PRINTED AND
PRESSED, READY TO GO, TRUCKS FILLED WITH EQUIPMENT, AND
EVERYTHING JUST STOPPED.
SO WE -- >> Stephen: DO THE T-SHIRTS
SAY 2020 TOUR?
DOES IT SAY -- >> 25th ANNIVERSARY.
EVERYTHING.
>> Stephen: WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM NOW?
>> WELL, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, YOU GET A CAN OF SPRAY PAINT AND
JUST PAINT A SIX OVER THE FIVE -- I DON'T KNOW REALLY WHAT
YOU DO.
WE DECIDED THIS WAS GOING TO BE THE YEAR.
WE WENT SO FAR AS TO MAKING A 25th ANNIVERSARY FOO FIGHTERS
COORS LIGHT CAN.
SO I HAVE PALLETTES OF THOSE THINGS AT THE STUDIO.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE ANY THERE?
I'D LOVE TO SEE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY?
>> WELL, SINCE THERE'S PALLETTES OF IT, LATELY, IT'S THE ONLY
THING I HAVE BEEN DRINKING HERE AT THE HOME OFFICE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THOSE LOOK LIKE A
TALL BOY.
IS THAT, LIKE -- >> I MEAN, IT'S A FOO FIGHTERS
SIZE BEER.
WE DON'T MESS AROUND WITH THE LITTLE PONY BOY THINGS.
WE DO THESE RIGHT HERE.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE ONE TO HAVE THE FEEL-GOOD STORIES OF
THE YEAR.
TELL ME THE STORY.
YOU ENDED UP DOING A DRUM BATTLE WITH A 10-YEAR-OLD IN THE U.K.
NAMED A NANDY BUSHEL.
TELL ME HOW IT CAME ABOUT.
SHE WAS ALREADY PLAYING FOO FIGHTERS SONGS ONLINE?
>> YEAH.
ABOUT A YEAR AGO, NIRVANA'S PRODUCER SENT ME A LINK TO HER
INSTAGRAM WHERE SHE WAS PLAYING A NIRVANA SONG "IN BLOOM."
SHE'S TEN YEARS OLD.
SHE'S THIS BIG, SHE'S TINY AND JUST BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF HER
DRUM SETS.
AND WHEN SHE DOES DRUM ROLLS, SHE SCREAMS.
AND NOT ONLY IS SHE PLAYING THE PARTS CORRECTLY, SHE SCREAMS
WHEN SHE DOES THE DRUM ROLL.
HE SAYS, SHE'S A FORCE OF NATURE.
TWO MONTHS AGO, SOMEBODY SENDS ME ANOTHER LINK AND SAID THIS
KID'S CHALLENGING YOU TO A DRUM BATTLE.
I SAID, ISN'T THAT CUTE?
SHE WAS PLAYING A FOO FIGHTERS SONG EVER LONG.
AT THE END SHE SAID, I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DRUM BATTLE!
I THOUGHT, THAT'S ADORABLE.
I GET ANOTHER TEXT, ANOTHER TEXT, ANOTHER TEXT FROM ALL MY
FRIENDS SAYING, DUDE, YOU HAVE TO STEP UP AND RESPOND.
YOU HAVE TO REPRESENT.
DON'T BE A WIMP, DO THIS.
I THOUGHT, I'LL PLAY SOMETHING SIMPLE AND SEND IT TO HER.
ONE DAY LATER SHE COMES BACK WITH HER RESPONSE AND SHE WIPES
THE FLOOR.
SHE'S KICKING MY AS!
THIS KID IS, LIKE, KICKING MY BUTT AT THE DRUMS.
SO WE WENT BACK AND FORTH WITH THIS DRUM BATTLE.
IT GOT TO THE POINT WHERE I -- SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO
CONCEDE DEFEAT.
AND HERE I WAS -- >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP, I
THINK.
WE HAVE A CLIP, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE PLAYING TOGETHER OR
YOU'RE PLAYING OVER HER OR SHE YOU, BUT WE HAVE THIS CLIP.
JIM, HIT IT.
♪ ♪
>> Stephen: THAT IS BEAUTIFUL.
YEAH, SHE SMOKED YOU.
>> THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO.
>> Stephen: SHE SMOKED YOU.
IT WAS LIKE BEING CALLED OUT BY THE SCHOOL BULLY, LIKE, I'LL
SEE YOU ON THE PLAYGROUND AFTER SCHOOL!
AND EVERY TIME SHE WOULD SEND ME A VIDEO, SHE WOULD PUT IT UP AND
I WOULD THINK, OH, MY GOD I'M GOING TO GET MY AS KICKED AGAIN.
IT HAPPENED OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
>> Stephen: YOU GUYS HAVE A NW ALBUM.
DO I HAVE IT HERE?
I DO.
"MEDICINE AT MIDNIGHT" COMES OUT FEBRUARY 5, 2021.
WAS THIS AFTER COVID?
>> NO, WE STARTED OCTOBER 2019, AND INSTEAD OF JUST BOOKING INTO
A STUDIO AND MAKING A RECORD LIKE EVERY OTHER BAND DOES, IT
WAS LET'S MOVE INTO A HOUSE, WE PUT THE DRUMS IN THE-BEDROOM AND
WE STARTED RECORDING AND THEN WE REALIZED THAT THE HOUSE WAS KIND
OF HAUNTED.
AT FIRST WE THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A WEIRD VIBE AND THINGS WERE
KIND OF BEING TINKERED WITH WHEN WE WEREN'T AROUND, BUT WE WOULD
COME BACK IN THE MORNING AND INSTRUMENTS WOULD BE TUNED AND
WE WOULD HEAR THINGS ON THE PRO TOOLS RECORDING SYSTEM THING AND
LEVELS ON OUR MIXING BOARD WERE CHANGED AND WE SET UP A BABY CAM
TO SEE IF WE COULD SEE ANY PARANORMAL ACTIVITY.
IT FREAKED US OUT, YOU KNOW.
SO THE ALBUM IS NINE SONGS BECAUSE WE JUST RECORDED NINE
AND GOT THE HELL OUT OF THERE.
WE WERE, LIKE, THAT'S ITCH.
>> SIT.>> Stephen: WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING TONIGHT?
>> "SHAME SHAME."
IT'S OUR FIRST SINGLE.
>> Stephen: THE MAN THE DAVE GROHL.
STICK AROUND FOR A PERFORMANCE BY FOO FIGHTERS.
THANKS, DAVE.
>> GOOD TO SEE YA.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO.
♪ >> WE KNOW THE PRESIDENT AND
MELANIA THE FIRST LADY ARE GOING TO CELEBRATE THANKSGIVING AT THE
WHITE HOUSE.
NORMALLY THEY GO DOWN TO MAR-A-LAGO.
THEY'RE GOING TO PARDON THE TURKEY.
WHY DID THEY DECIDE TO STAY IN D.C. THIS YEAR?
>> THE PRESIDENT IS HARD AT WORK ON COVID AND OTHER ISSUES.
( HONKING ) >> I HAVE AN ORDER FROM DONALD
TRUMP FOR THREE TELEVISIONS, CONGEALED GRAVY, A MOO MOO AND A
DOLL FOR RUDY GIULIANI.
THE GUY SAID TO DELIVER ANYTIME BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT HAS
LITERALLY NOTHING GOING ON.
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.
AND NOW, PERFORMING, "SHAME SHAME," FROM THEIR FORTHCOMING
ALBUM, "MEDICINE AT MIDNIGHT," FOO FIGHTERS!
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ IF YOU WANT TO
I'LL MAKE YOU FEEL SOMETHING ♪ REAL JUST TO BOTHER YOU
NOW I GOT YOU ♪ UNDER MY THUMB LIKE A DRUG
I WILL SMOTHER YOU ♪ I'LL BE THE ONE
BE THE MOON, BE THE SUN ♪ BE THE RAIN IN YOUR SONG
GO AND PUT THAT RECORD ON ♪ IF YOU WANT TO
I'LL BE THE ONE ♪ BE THE TONGUE THAT WILL
SWALLOW YOU ♪ SHAME, SHAME, SHAME, SHAME
SHAME, SHAME, SHAME, SHAME ♪ ANOTHER SPLINTER
UNDER THE SKIN ♪ ANOTHER SEASON OF LONELINESS
I FOUND A REASON ♪ AND BURIED IT
BENEATH A MOUNTAIN OF EMPTINESS ♪ OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH
OH-OH, OH-OH ♪ OH, OH-OH-OH
OH-OH, OH SHAME, SHAME, SHAME, SHAME
♪ WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN JUST MOVE ALONG, NOTHING WRONG
♪ 'TIL WE MEET AGAIN I'LL BE THE END
♪ I'LL BE THE WAR AT YOUR DOOR COME AND LET ME IN
♪ I'LL BE THE ONE BE THE MOON, BE THE SUN
♪ BE THE RAIN IN YOUR SONG GO AND PUT THAT RECORD ON
♪ IF YOU WANT TO I'LL BE THE ONE
♪ BE THE TONGUE THAT WILL SWALLOW YOU
♪ ANOTHER SPLINTER UNDER THE SKIN
♪ ANOTHER SEASON OF LONELINESS I FOUND A REASON
♪ AND BURIED IT BENEATH A MOUNTAIN OF EMPTINESS
♪ OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH OH-OH, OH-OH
♪ OH, OH-OH-OH OH-OH, OH
♪ SHAME, SHAME, SHAME, SHAME SHAME, SHAME, SHAME, SHAME
♪ ANOTHER SPLINTER UNDER THE SKIN
♪ ANOTHER SEASON OF LONELINESS I FOUND A REASON
♪ AND BURIED IT BENEATH A MOUNTAIN OF EMPTINESS
♪ OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH OH-OH, OH-OH
♪ OH, OH-OH-OH OH-OH, OH
♪ SHAME, SHAME, SHAME, SHAME SHAME, SHAME, SHAME, SHAME ♪
>> Stephen: FOO FIGHTERS, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> Stephen: WELL, THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
SEE YOU NEXT WEEK WHEN I'LL BE SITTING DOWN WITH PRESIDENT
BARACK OBAMA.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.
Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
♪ ♪ ♪ Captioning sponsored by CBS