1 00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:56,473 >> IT'S FROM DEAD PEOPLE. 2 00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:59,184 THE RESULTS WON'T MATTER BECAUSE... 3 00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:00,310 >> IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT OF OUR LIFETIME. 4 00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:03,146 HANGING IN THE BALANCE IS CONTROL OF THE SENATE, WHICH 5 00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:07,484 REPUBLICANS NEED TO CHECK JOE BIDEN... WHO WILL NEVER BE 6 00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:08,651 INAUGURATED. 7 00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:13,031 TRUMP WON THE ELECTION BY A LOT VOTES WILL BE RUN IN THIS. 8 00:01:13,114 --> 00:01:15,408 >> BY GAY LIBERAL DOGS. 9 00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:19,120 >> GO TO THE... RIGGED POLLS... 10 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:23,833 AND VOTE... POINTLESSLY... FOR A DARKER TOMORROW 11 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:27,879 FOR THE UNITED STATES OF A-SCARE-ICA. 12 00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:30,298 >> WE'RE THE G.O.P. AND WE NEED MEDICATION. 13 00:01:30,381 --> 00:01:31,257 NO WE DON'T, WHO TOLD YOU THAT? 14 00:01:33,301 --> 00:01:37,472 >> >> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 15 00:01:37,555 --> 00:01:40,266 TONIGHT: SEND OUT THE CLOWNS. 16 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:44,020 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES OLIVIA COLMAN 17 00:01:44,103 --> 00:01:49,526 AND GILLIAN ANDERSON AND MUSICAL GUEST, KYLIE MINOGUE 18 00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:54,697 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HOMIN'. 19 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:58,868 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER OFFICE 20 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:02,205 BUILDING IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 21 00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:07,418 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 22 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:08,044 CHEERS! 23 00:02:08,127 --> 00:02:08,711 WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW." 24 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:11,381 I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 25 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,091 IT'S BEEN FIVE DAYS SINCE IT BECAME CLEAR THAT JOE BIDEN WON 26 00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:16,719 THE ELECTION, AT WHICH POINT THE CURRENT PRESIDENT REFUSED TO 27 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,681 CONCEDE, DUCT TAPED HIMSELF TO THE RESOLUTE DESK, AND SLAPPED A 28 00:02:19,764 --> 00:02:24,352 SIGN ON THE OVAL OFFICE DOOR THAT SAYS "NO DEMS ALOUD." 29 00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:26,396 HE IS LIKE A TODDLER TOO HOPPED UP ON SUGAR TO GO TO BED. 30 00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:27,605 THERE'S NO REASONING WITH HIM. 31 00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:30,942 YOU JUST HAVE TO LET HIM TIRE HIMSELF OUT, WAIT UNTIL HE FALLS 32 00:02:31,025 --> 00:02:35,697 ASLEEP ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR, AND HOPE HE HASN'T CONSPIRED WITH 33 00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:36,906 THE DOG TO STAGE A COUP. 34 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,033 AND I'LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST IN MY OVER-IN-70-DAYS SEGMENT: 35 00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:39,701 >> COUP D'ETAT! 36 00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:43,413 COUP D'ETAT! 37 00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:43,746 COUP D'ETAT! 38 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:47,292 COUP D'ETAT! 39 00:02:47,375 --> 00:02:51,212 >> "THE ROAD FROM THE WHITE HOUSE." 40 00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:52,922 >> Stephen: WELL, BUCKLE UP, BUDDY BOYS, BECAUSE GETTING THIS 41 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:56,926 GUY OUT OF OFFICE IS GOING TO BE A BUMPY RIDE. 42 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,303 YESTERDAY, THE ADMINISTRATION REMOVED SENIOR DEFENSE OFFICIALS 43 00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:03,474 AND INSTALLED LOYALISTS, TRIGGERING ALARM AT THE 44 00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:05,310 PENTAGON. 45 00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:06,311 AND I'M BEING TOLD WE HAVE FOOTAGE OF THAT ALARM. 46 00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:07,645 >> I WON! 47 00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:10,231 I WON! 48 00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:15,069 I WON! 49 00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:19,073 I-WAAAH >> Stephen: PRESIDENTS DON'T 50 00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:21,117 USUALLY SACK TOP DEFENSE OFFICIALS WHEN THEY'RE PLANNING 51 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,327 TO LEAVE OFFICE IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS. 52 00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:24,245 ONE DEFENSE OFFICIAL PUT IT THIS WAY: "THIS IS SCARY. 53 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:30,335 IT'S VERY UNSETTLING. 54 00:03:30,418 --> 00:03:33,338 THESE ARE DICTATOR MOVES." 55 00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:37,133 YES, BUT THEY HAVE INSPIRED AN EXCITING NEW MAROON FIVE REMIX: 56 00:03:37,216 --> 00:03:39,969 ♪ THE MOVES LIKE STALIN I'VE GOT THE MOVES LIKE STALIN 57 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:45,516 ♪ I'VE GOT THE MOOOOO-VES LIKE STALIN ♪ 58 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:46,726 >> Stephen: IF THAT'S NOT DICTATOR-Y ENOUGH FOR YOU, DEAR 59 00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:50,438 LEADER WAS UNHAPPY WITH THESE OFFICIALS IN PART BECAUSE THEY 60 00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:53,816 RESISTED THE PRESIDENT'S ENTREATIES TO MAKE AVAILABLE 61 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:58,446 MILITARY WEAPONRY, INCLUDING TANKS AND JETS, FOR 62 00:03:58,529 --> 00:04:02,116 TRUMP-ORCHESTRATED HOLIDAY DISPLAYS. 63 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,159 BECAUSE IT'S NOT THE THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE UNTIL 64 00:04:03,242 --> 00:04:06,454 YOU SEE SANTA RIDING ON HIS CHRISTMAS NUKE! 65 00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:09,499 SO, IT'S A LITTLE CONCERNING. 66 00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:10,667 BUT YOU KNOW WHO'S NOT WORRIED? 67 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:12,210 PRESIDENT-ELECT AND FOUNDER OF THE SEPTUAGENARIAN FIGHT CLUB, 68 00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:15,546 JOE BIDEN. 69 00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:18,508 BIDEN WAS ASKED ABOUT WHAT EFFECT THE PRESIDENT'S TANTRUMS 70 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:22,345 WERE HAVING ON THE INCOMING ADMINISTRATION, AND HE SAID 71 00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:24,222 THIS: >> WELL, I JUST THINK IT IS AN 72 00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:30,395 EMBARRASSMENT, QUITE FRANKLY. 73 00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:31,062 THE ONLY THING THAT... 74 00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:36,275 HOW CAN I SAY THIS TACTFULLY? 75 00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:41,990 I THINK IT WILL NOT HELP THE PRESIDENT'S LEGACY. 76 00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:42,949 >> Stephen: NICELY PLAYED. 77 00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:46,411 BUT AT THIS POINT, WHAT COULD HURT HIS LEGACY? 78 00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:50,039 IT'S LIKE FINDING OUT JEFFREY DAHMER ILLEGALLY PARKED IN 79 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:53,876 HANDICAPPED SPOTS-- BAD, BUT THE LEDGER'S PRETTY FULL. 80 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:54,877 AND SO'S THE FREEZER. 81 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:58,506 BIDEN CONTINUED: >> I AM CONFIDENT THAT, THE FACT 82 00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:02,510 THAT THEY ARE NOT WILLING TO ACKNOWLEDGE WE WON AT THIS 83 00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:06,264 POINT, IS NOT OF MUCH CONSEQUENCE IN OUR PLANNING AND 84 00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:10,518 IN WHAT WE ARE ABLE TO DO BETWEEN NOW AND JANUARY 20. 85 00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:12,103 >> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT? 86 00:05:12,186 --> 00:05:16,399 IT FEELS GOOD THAT "IGNORING THE PRESIDENT" IS NOW SO 87 00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:18,526 PRESIDENTIAL. 88 00:05:18,609 --> 00:05:21,279 BIDEN'S ADVISERS DON'T SEEM TOO CONCERNED THOUGH, VIEWING THE 89 00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:24,282 G.O.P.'S LEGAL AND P.R. EFFORTS AS A COMEDY OF ERRORS. 90 00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:28,453 YES, IT'S JUST LIKE SHAKESPEARE: THE PRESIDENT'S FRAUD CLAIMS ARE 91 00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:31,914 "MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING" BECAUSE HE'S PULLING THESE ACCUSATIONS 92 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:34,459 OF FRAUD RIGHT OUT OF HIS "CORIOLANUS." 93 00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:37,754 ( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, MEMBERS OF THE LOSING 94 00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:40,423 CAMPAIGN CLAIM THERE'S PLENTY OF EVIDENCE. 95 00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:44,927 TAKE WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY AND WINTER SORCERESS SPREADING 96 00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:49,474 FROST ON FLOWERS, KAYLEIGH McENANY. 97 00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:53,895 McENANY WAS ON THE FOX NEWS LAST NIGHT, SOCIALLY DISTANCING FROM 98 00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:55,104 REALITY, AND SHE PROVIDED THIS IRON-CLAD CASE. 99 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:59,192 >> WE KEEP HEARING THE DRUMBEAT OF "WHERE IS THE EVIDENCE?" 100 00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:02,612 RIGHT HERE, SEAN, 234 PAGES OF SWORN AFFIDAVITS. 101 00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:04,447 THESE ARE REAL PEOPLE, REAL ALLEGATIONS, SIGNED WITH 102 00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:06,616 NOTARIES. 103 00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:10,119 THESE ARE REAL, AND ANYONE WHO CARES ABOUT TRANSPARENCY AND 104 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,287 INTEGRITY OF THE SYSTEM SHOULD WANT THIS TO PURSUE TO THE 105 00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,247 DISCOVERY PHASE. 106 00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:20,171 >> Stephen: WELL YOU NEVER SAID THEY WERE PRINTED ON PAPER. 107 00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:22,965 IN THAT CASE, I'VE FOUND EVEN MORE PROOF. 108 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:30,598 IN THE FORM OF THEE AFFIDAVITS THAT ONTO LOOK LIKE THAI FOOD 109 00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:31,808 MONEYUES. 110 00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:36,354 AND EXHIBIT TWO-- IT'S LABELED AND EVERYTHING-- VOTER FRAUD: 111 00:06:36,437 --> 00:06:38,481 ENJOY THE GO! 112 00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:42,318 IT WON'T ROLL OFF MY FINGER. 113 00:06:42,401 --> 00:06:43,611 OKAY. 114 00:06:43,694 --> 00:06:43,861 THERE'S A REASON THE WHITE HOUSE HAS HAD SUCH A HARD TIME FINDING 115 00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:44,904 FRAUD. 116 00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:46,864 SOME STATES HAVE INCREDIBLE STANDARDS FOR ELECTION 117 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:50,618 TRANSPARENCY, LIKE VERMONT, WHERE OFFICIALS HAVE ALREADY 118 00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:54,497 PUBLISHED COMPLETE PRESIDENTIAL RESULTS FOR EVERY SINGLE TOWN. 119 00:06:54,580 --> 00:07:00,503 WE'RE TALKING BURLINGTON, STOWE, MONTPELIER, ROXBURY, XTRA-SHARP 120 00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:05,508 ROXBURY, BEN, AND JERRY, CRANBERRYCANDLE, AND THE 121 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:08,678 PEOPLE'S COLLECTIVE OF WEST HEMP PONCHOTOWN. 122 00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:12,473 AND WHAT'S EXTRA FUN IS THAT YOU CAN ALSO SEE THE FULL LIST OF 123 00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:18,646 ALL 1,942 WRITE-IN VOTES FOR PRESIDENT, A BIG CHUNK OF WHICH 124 00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:22,483 WENT TO SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS, WITH 619 VOTES, OR .17% OF THE 125 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:23,526 TOTAL. 126 00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:27,196 ( AS BERNIE ) "THAT PUTS ME IN THE TOP 17% OF 127 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,658 THE BOTTOM 1%-- RIGHT WHERE I WANT TO BE! 128 00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:32,577 AND I PROMISE THAT THIS IMPERSONATION IS NOT GOING 129 00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:34,662 ANYWHERE, UNLIKE THE IMPRESSIONS OF OTHER LOSING PRESIDENTIAL 130 00:07:34,745 --> 00:07:36,497 CANDIDATES. 131 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:41,419 FEEL THE BERN, BEEEE-OTTCH!" I FIGURE THAT ONE'S GROWING ON 132 00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:42,211 ME TOO. 133 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:46,257 I'M LOSING IT, I'M LOSING IT TONIGHT. 134 00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:48,426 OTHER CELEBS RECEIVING WRITE-IN VOTES INCLUDE DWAYNE JOHNSON 135 00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:54,724 JOE PESCI, KIEFER SUTHERLAND, TEA LEONI, KEANU REEVES, 136 00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:58,728 BETTY WHITE, WU-TANG CLAN, MELISSA McARTHY, JOHN STEWART-- 137 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:06,402 SPELLED WITH AN "H," SO NOT THAT JON STEWART, JUST SOME GUY NAMED 138 00:08:06,485 --> 00:08:07,528 JOHN STEWART--AND OPRAH WINFREY, WHO, BECAUSE SHE GOT SIX VOTES, 139 00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:09,405 IS NOW LEGALLY THE COMPTROLLER OF BRATTLEBORO. 140 00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:14,744 ( AS OPRAH ) "IT'S TIME TO ISSUE MUNICIPAL 141 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:19,957 BOOOONDS!" WHY DO I-- WHY DO I DO THIS? 142 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:25,087 IT'S KIND OF BORDERING ON KERMIT-- YAY! 143 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,255 I'M OPRAH! 144 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:29,592 THERE WERE ALSO SOME BRAVE ATTEMPTS TO SPELL THE NAMES OF 145 00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:39,602 ACTUAL POLITICIANS, INCLUDING TUSSLI GABBARD, MIKE HINEKABEE, 146 00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:46,150 ACTUAL POLITICIANS, INCLUDING TUSSLI GABBARD, MIKE HINEKABEE, 147 00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:47,610 THE TICKET OF KASIC AND BUDTTIGIG, FORMER GOVERNOR A. 148 00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:48,527 SKIDGE-WOM-ZEMEGGER, AND "TORD SANDWICH." 149 00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,488 UNBELIEVABLE. 150 00:08:50,571 --> 00:08:53,616 IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO SPELL "LINDSEY GRAHAM." 151 00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:54,617 BUT THE ONE ACTUAL WRITE-IN CANDIDATE WHO MAY BE TAKING THIS 152 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:57,536 LOSS THE HARDEST IS H.P. 153 00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:00,248 LOVECRAFT PRE-HUMAN GOD OF MADNESS, CTHULHU. 154 00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:01,457 THIS IS A DEVASTATING LOSS FOR CTHULU. 155 00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:06,796 SINCE THE ELECTION, THE GREAT DREAMER HAS BEEN HUNKERED DOWN 156 00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:10,258 IN THE UNDERWATER CITY OF R'LEE-YAY WEIGHING HIS LEGAL 157 00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:11,342 OPTIONS. 158 00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:12,635 McCONNELL BELIEVE IT IS 100% WITHIN THE RIGHTS OF THIS 159 00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:15,346 EARTHLY MANIFESTATION OF ELDRITCH HORROR TO LOOK INTO 160 00:09:15,429 --> 00:09:18,808 ALLEGATIONS OF VOTING IRREGULARITIES. 161 00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:22,603 WHAT'S THE DOWNSIDE OF HUMORING HIM FOR THIS LITTLE BIT OF TIME 162 00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:23,813 BEYOND OUR CONCEPT OF TIME? 163 00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:26,774 NO ONE SERIOUSLY THINKS HE'LL RISE FROM THE BOILING SEAS TO 164 00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:28,150 SPREAD HIS TENTACLES AND MELT MEN'S MINDS WITH VISIONS OF 165 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,611 NON-EUCLIDIAN GEOMETRY. 166 00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:34,657 EXCEPT FOR HIS CLOSE ALLY ABHOLOS, A GREY FESTERING BLOB 167 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:38,786 OF INFINITE MALEVOLENCE-- ALSO KNOWN AS BILL BARR. 168 00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:44,834 THE NEWS COMING OUT OF THE ADMINISTRATION RIGHT NOW IS 169 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,043 PRETTY SCARY. 170 00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:48,004 BUT IT HELPS THAT SOME OF IT IS ALSO DEEPLY STUPID, LIKE THIS 171 00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,171 STORY ABOUT REPUBLICAN ACTIVIST AND VICE PRINCIPAL WHO CALLED 172 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:54,719 YOU IN TO ASK IF YOUR MOM GOT HIS FLOWERS, DEAN BROWNING. 173 00:09:54,802 --> 00:09:56,012 BROWNING HAS BEEN VERY VOCAL IN HIS SUPPORT OF THE OUTGOING 174 00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:58,848 PRESIDENT. 175 00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:00,683 ON SUNDAY, HE TWEETED, "WHAT TRUMP BUILT IN FOUR YEARS, BIDEN 176 00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:02,852 WILL DESTROY IN FOUR MONTHS." 177 00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:06,689 WHOA, DEAN, THERE'S NO WAY IT'LL ONLY TAKE ONLY FOUR MONTHS FOR 178 00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:10,651 BIDEN TO DISASSEMBLE HIS CHICKEN BUCKET FORT. 179 00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,695 I KNOW SO FAR THIS STORY SEEMS PRETTY ORDINARY, BUT HERE'S 180 00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:14,864 WHERE IT GETS WEIRD. 181 00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:18,868 AFTER BROWNING POSTED THAT TWEET, A TWITTER USER PUSHED 182 00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:21,871 BACK, SAYING THAT THE PRESIDENT HAD ONLY TAKEN CREDIT FOR 183 00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:24,665 OBAMA'S ACCOMPLISHMENTS, TO WHICH BROWNING RESPONDED: 184 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:27,501 "I'M A BLACK GAY GUY, AND I CAN PERSONALLY SAY THAT OBAMA DID 185 00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:29,712 NOTHING FOR ME. 186 00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:30,880 MY LIFE ONLY CHANGED A LITTLE BIT, AND IT WAS FOR THE WORSE." 187 00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:35,217 WELL, IT CERTAINLY DID CHANGE FOR THE WORSE: YOU TURNED INTO 188 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:40,723 SOME PASTY STRAIGHT WHITE GUY NAMED DEAN BROWNING. 189 00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:42,850 REMINDS ME OF THE FAMOUS LINCOLN-DOUGLAS DEBATE, WHEN 190 00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:44,602 LINCOLN MADE A GREAT POINT IN FAVOR OF ABOLITION, AND DOUGLAS 191 00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:46,854 REPLIED: "I'M A BLACK GAY GUY, AND I CAN PERSONALLY SAY THAT 192 00:10:46,937 --> 00:10:48,064 SLAVERY RULES. 193 00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:50,900 NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO DO BLACK GAY GUY STUFF." 194 00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:57,740 HERE'S WHAT PEOPLE THINK HAPPENED: BROWNING IS LIKELY THE 195 00:10:57,823 --> 00:11:00,368 OWNER OF ANOTHER TWITTER ACCOUNT, ONE CLAIMING TO BE A 196 00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:04,747 GAY BLACK MAN WHO LOVES TRUMP, AND HE SIMPLY FORGOT TO LOG IN 197 00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:05,873 TO IT BEFORE POSTING THE REPLY. 198 00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:07,083 YES, HE WAS TRYING TO DO SOMETHING DECEPTIVE, BUT INSTEAD 199 00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:10,836 DID SOMETHING IDIOTIC, A MOVE KNOWN IN POLITICAL CIRCLES AS 200 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:11,337 "THE FULL RUDY." 201 00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:12,630 END OF STORY, RIGHT? 202 00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:17,426 WRONG. 203 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,677 BECAUSE, MY FRIENDS, HERE'S WHERE THE WEIRD GETS STRANGE. 204 00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:23,432 HOURS AFTER HIS GAY BLACK MAN TWEET, BROWNING POSTED, 205 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,811 "REGARDING THE TWEET THAT IS GOING VIRAL FROM MY ACCOUNT-- I 206 00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:30,481 WAS QUOTING A MESSAGE THAT I RECEIVED EARLIER THIS WEEK FROM 207 00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:31,190 A FOLLOWER. 208 00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:36,404 SORRY IF CONTEXT WAS NOT CLEAR." 209 00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:37,154 IF CONTEXT WAS UNCLEAR? 210 00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:38,864 YOU DIDN'T EVEN PUT IT IN QUOTES. 211 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:41,409 THE ONLY THING THAT COULD HAVE MADE IT LESS CLEAR WOULD BE IF 212 00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:42,785 YOU HAD SIGNED IT "DEAN BROWNING, STRAIGHT, WHITE 213 00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:46,747 WOMAN." 214 00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:47,915 SO DID DEAN MAKE A MISTAKE OR DID HE TWEET A RANDOM, 215 00:11:47,998 --> 00:11:49,625 UNATTRIBUTED QUOTE? 216 00:11:49,708 --> 00:11:52,294 WE'LL NEVER KNOW. 217 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,922 EXCEPT WE MIGHT, BECAUSE HERE'S WHERE THE STRANGE WEIRDNESS GETS 218 00:11:55,005 --> 00:11:58,926 ODD. 219 00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:00,761 AFTER BROWNING TWEETED OUT HIS EXPLANATION, A REPORTER STUMBLED 220 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:05,266 ONTO WHAT HE BELIEVED WAS THE FAKE ACCOUNT THAT DEAN WAS 221 00:12:05,349 --> 00:12:06,934 TRYING TO POST FROM, TWEETING: "YOU KNOW WHO REPLIES TO DEAN 222 00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:10,271 BROWNING A LOT? 223 00:12:10,354 --> 00:12:13,482 'DAN PURDY,' A GAY BLACK TRUMP SUPPORTER WHO JOINED TWITTER IN 224 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:16,986 OCTOBER," WITH LINKS TO PURDY'S TWITTER ACCOUNT SHOWING HIS 225 00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:18,863 AVATAR OF A CARTOON BLACK MAN IN A BEANIE. 226 00:12:18,946 --> 00:12:22,867 OKAY, CASE CLOSED! 227 00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:26,871 AND THEN REOPENED, BECAUSE HERE'S WHERE THE ODD, STRANGE 228 00:12:26,954 --> 00:12:28,747 WEIRDNESS GETS FISHY. 229 00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:33,836 AFTER THE REPORTER'S SCOOP, THE "DAN PURDY" TWITTER ACCOUNT 230 00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:36,797 POSTED THIS VIDEO: >> HEY, GUYS. 231 00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:38,883 MY NAME IS DAN PURDY, AND I AM, INDEED, A GAY BLACK MAN. 232 00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:46,849 >> Stephen: WELL, MY NAME IS STEPHEN COLBERT, AND I AM HERE 233 00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:49,018 >> THE MESSAGE THAT YOU SAW ON DEAN'S TWITTER WAS POSTED-- I 234 00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,978 DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW HOW IT WAS POSTED, BUT I DID SEND IT TO 235 00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:52,104 HIM. 236 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,689 NO, I'M NOT A BOT. 237 00:12:53,772 --> 00:12:54,982 I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND. 238 00:12:55,065 --> 00:13:00,821 >> Stephen: NO, I DON'T UNDERSTAND! 239 00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:03,532 AND IF YOU'RE CONFUSED, TOO, STRAP 'EM IF YOU GOT 'EM, 240 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,868 BECAUSE HERE'S WHERE THE FISHY, STRANGE, WEIRD ODDNESS GETS 241 00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,077 BIZARRE. 242 00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:11,624 AFTER PURDY POSTED THAT VIDEO, REPORTERS POINTED OUT THAT PURDY 243 00:13:11,707 --> 00:13:21,050 LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE A MAN NAMED WILLIAM HOLTE, OTHERWISE KNOWN 244 00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:22,510 AS BYL WITH A Y HOLTE, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE ADOPTED SON AND 245 00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:24,762 NEPHEW OF MUSIC LEGEND PATTI LABELLE. 246 00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:25,888 OH, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO? 247 00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:30,976 IF I'D KNOWN THAT FROM THE BEGINNING, IT WOULDN'T HAVE 248 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,186 HELPED AT ALL! 249 00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:34,939 WELL, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO CLEAR THIS UP, PATTI LABELLE? 250 00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:41,946 ♪ BOCCA CHOCCA LATTA, YA-YA ♪ >> Stephen: THAT CLEARS THAT UP. 251 00:13:42,029 --> 00:13:43,072 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 252 00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:43,906 MY GUESTS ARE "THE CROWN'S" OLIVIA COLMAN AND GILLIAN 253 00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:46,242 ANDERSON. 254 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:47,493 BUT WHEN WE RETURN, GOOP HAS A NEW HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE, AND SO 255 00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:48,786 DO WE. 256 00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:50,829 STICK AROUND. 257 00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,274 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 258 00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:19,275 WELCOME BACK. 259 00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:21,777 LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE. 260 00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:23,404 HELLO, JON. 261 00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:25,781 >> Jon: OH, HELLO, HELLO! 262 00:14:25,864 --> 00:14:28,325 >> Stephen: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY FRIEND! 263 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,411 >> Jon: HELLO, YES, SEE THAT, MAN. 264 00:14:30,494 --> 00:14:35,791 YOU SEE, TIME IS MOVING ON, AND I'M JUST TRYING TO BE PRESENT. 265 00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:38,794 CAT'S GOT TO KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THE MOMENT WHEN 266 00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:39,920 IT'S HAPPENING. 267 00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:40,796 YOU SEE? 268 00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:43,299 >> Stephen: ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD BIRTHDAY? 269 00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:45,801 IS THAT WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THE MOMENT RIGHT NOW? 270 00:14:45,884 --> 00:14:47,469 >> Jon: YES, THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING. 271 00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:48,679 IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. 272 00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:51,849 I ALWAYS LOVE THAT MY BIRTHDAY IS ON VETERANS DAY, CELEBRATE 273 00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:54,810 THE VETERANS, AND I HAVE VETERANS IN MY FAMILY. 274 00:14:54,893 --> 00:15:00,482 AND I ALSO WANTED TO JUST SEND LOVE OUT TO EVERYBODY IN THIS 275 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:01,734 TIME. 276 00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:04,111 YOU KNOW, WHEN TENSION IS COMING TO ME ON MY BIRTHDAY I'M SENDING 277 00:15:04,194 --> 00:15:06,447 THE LOVE RIGHT BACK. 278 00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:09,825 LOUIS ARMSTRONG USED TO GIVE GIFTS TO PEOPLE ON HIS BIRTHDAY. 279 00:15:09,908 --> 00:15:10,576 >> Stephen: THAT'S LOVELY. 280 00:15:10,659 --> 00:15:12,661 >> Jon: I LOVE THAT KIND OF STUFF. 281 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,956 >> Stephen: HOBBITS DO THAT IN "LORD OF THE RINGS." 282 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,041 THEY GIVE OTHER PEOPLE PRESENTS ON THEIR BIRTHDAYS. 283 00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:18,292 >> Jon: I LIKE THAT A LOT. 284 00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:21,712 >> Stephen: I WANT TO SAY THIS ABOUT THE VETERANS, TOO, WE WANT 285 00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:23,130 TO SEND LOVE OUT TO ALL THE VETERANS OUT THERE, ESPECIALLY 286 00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:27,343 RIGHT NOW, AND ESPECIALLY THOSE COMING BACK FROM SERVICE 287 00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:29,178 OVERSEAS, BECAUSE IT'S SO IMPORTANT FOR THEM TO BE ABLE TO 288 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:33,849 SEE THEIR FAMILIES, ESPECIALLY AROUND THE HOLIDAYS, BUT RIGHT 289 00:15:33,932 --> 00:15:38,979 NOW, THEY CAN'T BECAUSE OF THE COVID QUARANTINE AND THE 290 00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:40,147 INABILITY TO TRAVEL FREELY IN THE UNITED STATES. 291 00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:43,859 SO IF YOU KNOW A VETERAN OUT THERE, ESPECIALLY SOMEBODY WHO 292 00:15:43,942 --> 00:15:46,487 HAS JUST COME BACK, SEND THEM A LOT OF LOVE THESE HOLIDAYS. 293 00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:49,531 BECAUSE THIS ISOLATION THAT EVERYBODY IS FEELING RIGHT NOW, 294 00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,993 THEY'VE MADE THAT SACRIFICE FOR US FOR YEARS SO THAT WE COULD BE 295 00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:57,247 SAFE OVER HERE. 296 00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:59,166 GOT ANYTHING FOR THE VETERANS THERE, JON. 297 00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:01,835 >> Jon: OH, MY GOOD. 298 00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:08,926 THE VETERANS, THIS IS MY RHAPSODY FOR THE VETERANS. 299 00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:18,852 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: JON BATISTE, 300 00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:19,269 EVERYBODY. 301 00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:19,728 THANK YOU, JON. 302 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:24,024 HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 303 00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:26,151 FOLKS, WE ARE STILL IN THE MIDST OF A GLOBAL PANDEMIC, WITH A 304 00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:29,071 WHITE-KNUCKLED GRIP ON OUR REPUBLIC, SO IT'S THE PERFECT 305 00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:32,574 TIME TO REMEMBER WHAT'S TRULY IMPORTANT: BUYING THINGS. 306 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:37,871 AND WHO BETTER TO GUIDE US THAN LIFESTYLE GURU AND GROWN-UP 307 00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:40,749 HANSEN BROTHER, GWYNETH PALTROW. 308 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:45,212 ♪ CUZ IT'S THE MOST GOOP-IFUL TIME OF THE YEAR! ♪ 309 00:16:45,295 --> 00:16:47,798 IT'S THE RELEASE OF THE GOOP HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE. 310 00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:52,386 AND THIS YEAR'S OFFERINGS DO NOT DISA-GOOP. 311 00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:58,392 LIKE THIS $1,995 ACRYLIC OUIJA BOARD. 312 00:16:58,475 --> 00:17:01,937 "OOH, SOMETHING'S COMING SOMETHING'S COMING THROUGH. 313 00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:02,438 IT SAYS "YOU... 314 00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:03,105 ARE... 315 00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:03,772 A... 316 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:07,776 SUCKER." 317 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:11,780 GOOP ALSO HAS A NUMBER OF FOOD-THEMED GIFTS ON OFFER THIS 318 00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:17,286 YEAR, LIKE THIS $240 GERMAN OAT FLAKER. 319 00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:19,705 BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BE FLAKING YOUR OATS LIKE SOME FILTHY 320 00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:21,623 SWEDE. 321 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:25,127 HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT, MEIN HERR! 322 00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,254 AND YOU MIGHT BE SAYING, "STEPHEN, DON'T ALL OATS COME 323 00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:29,131 PRE-FLAKED?" TO WHICH I SAY, "WHY DON'T YOU 324 00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:34,136 GO ENJOY YOUR PICKLED HERRING, YA DAMN SWEDE." 325 00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:35,304 THAT'S NOT ALL. 326 00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:42,144 GOOP-ETH IS ALSO RECOMMENDING A $210 BED LAMP MADE OF BREAD. 327 00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:43,103 JUST REMEMBER: DON'T FILL UP ON LAMP, OR YOU WON'T HAVE ROOM FOR 328 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:47,191 YOUR... 329 00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:49,151 TABLE? 330 00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:53,113 TO BE CLEAR, THIS THING IS REALLY BREAD. 331 00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:55,991 THE GOOP LISTS THE INGREDIENTS AS BREAD FLOUR, CAKE FLOUR, 332 00:17:56,074 --> 00:17:59,495 SALT, YEAST, L.E.D. LIGHTS, AND POWER CORD WITH DIMMER SWITCH. 333 00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:01,163 SO IT WON'T WORK FOR ALL DIETS. 334 00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:03,332 "OH, SORRY, I'M KETO. 335 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:06,293 DO YOU HAVE A MEAT LAMP? 336 00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:10,297 JOE ROGAN SAYS ONLY EAT LAMPS THAT CAVEMEN USED." 337 00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:15,552 IF YOU'RE MORE OF AN ANALOG FOOD FAN, MIGHT GOOP INTEREST YOU IN 338 00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:19,181 THIS TSUKEEA KABAN WATERMELON BAG. 339 00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:23,310 ALSO HANDY FOR CARRYING THE GIGANTIC BALLS YOU HAVE TO BE 340 00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:25,521 SWINGING TO OWN A BAG EXCLUSIVELY FOR WATERMELONS. 341 00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:29,399 HOW MUCH WILL THIS MELON SATCHEL SET YOU BACK, YOU ASK? 342 00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:31,318 WELL, KEEP ASKING, BECAUSE THE PRICE IS ONLY AVAILABLE UPON 343 00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:34,988 REQUEST. 344 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:37,157 SO IT'S REALLY TWO TREATS IN ONE: YOU GET THE WATERMELON BAG 345 00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,618 AND YOU GET TO ASK, "EXCUSE ME, HOW MUCH FOR THAT WATERMELON 346 00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:42,871 BAG?" AND WHEN THE REVOLUTION COMES, 347 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:47,334 THE PEOPLE'S TRIBUNAL CAN JUST POP YOUR SEVERED HEAD IN THERE. 348 00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:51,380 AND FOR ANY SOON-TO-BE MOMS OUT THERE, THERE'S THE STILIYANA 349 00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:55,384 MINKOVSKA CUSTOM BIRTH SILL FOR $7,500. 350 00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:59,388 PERFECT FOR ALL THOSE EXPECTANT MOTHERS WHO WOKE UP THINKING, "I 351 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:03,392 LIKE BEING PREGNANT, BUT I WISH IT WAS MORE EXPENSIVE." 352 00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:05,727 NOW, YOU MAY BE THINKING "HEY GWYNETH, IT'S A PANDEMIC, GOOP 353 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,396 THE ROOM." 354 00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:08,522 AND YOU'D BE RIGHT. 355 00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:10,107 THIS IS AN OUT-OF-TOUCH CASH GRAB THAT EXPLOITS PEOPLE'S 356 00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:13,235 DESPERATE NEED FOR COMFORT DURING THIS TRYING TIME, 357 00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:19,366 AND DADDY WANT IN. 358 00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:23,287 IT'S TIME FOR MY OWN HIGH-END LIFESTYLE BRAND, COVETTON HOUSE. 359 00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:27,040 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> BAROQUE SIMPLICITY. 360 00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:29,418 SHABBY ELEGANCE. 361 00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:33,755 GIVE ME MONEY. 362 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:37,217 COVETTON HOUSE. 363 00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,177 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME, WELCOME, 364 00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:45,642 FRIENDS, TO COVETTON HOUSE WHERE WE BELIEVE "PANDEMIC" IS 365 00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:50,606 JUST AN ANAGRAM FOR "DIM PECAN," WHICH IS WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE TO 366 00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:53,066 BE TO WANT TO BUY OUR STUFF. 367 00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:54,318 HERE AT COVETTON HOUSE, WE KNOW THAT FOR MANY AMERICANS, THIS 368 00:19:54,401 --> 00:19:55,611 HOLIDAY SEASON LOOKS A LITTLE DIFFERENT. 369 00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:57,571 COVID-19 HAS CREATED MONEY WORRIES, SUCH AS, "I'M WORRIED 370 00:19:57,654 --> 00:20:01,325 NO ONE'S GONNA COME TAKE MY MONEY!" 371 00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:02,784 WELL, WE'RE HERE TO HELP. 372 00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:06,622 HUNGRY? 373 00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:09,249 LOOK NO FURTHER THAN COVETTON'S $920 BREAD MADE OF LAMP. 374 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:12,502 JUST THROW SOME HAM AND CHEESE BETWEEN TWO DELICIOUS, 375 00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:15,088 SHARD-FILLED SLICES, AND YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A HIGH-FIBER 376 00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:17,299 UPSCALE BOWEL PERFORATION. 377 00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:18,634 GOOD NEWS FOR ALL YOU HEALTH NUTS: OUR BREAD IS MADE OF ALL- 378 00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:22,638 NATURAL POWER CORDS, DIMMER SWITCHES, CERAMIC BASES, 379 00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:26,642 SHATTERED BULBS, AND LOOSE TUNGSTEN WIRE FILAMENTS. 380 00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:29,519 BUT GLUTEN FREE. 381 00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:33,273 NOW, IF YOU LIKE FORTUNE TELLING THAT COSTS A FORTUNE, THEN 382 00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:38,654 YOU'LL LOVE OUR $6,800 DIAMOND-ENCRUSTED MAGIC-8 BALL 383 00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:42,324 LOADED WITH EVERY RESPONSE YOU COULD POSSIBLY NEED, LIKE "YES, 384 00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:45,160 YOUR CHAUFFEUR IS STEALING FROM YOU" AND "YES, DEFINITELY, 385 00:20:45,243 --> 00:20:46,662 RODRIGO, YOUR SCUBA INSTRUCTOR/ BODYGUARD-TURNED-FIANCE SHOULD 386 00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:50,707 SIGN A PRENUP." 387 00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:55,837 IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A STYLISH WAY TO CARRY YOUR PRODUCE, LOOK 388 00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,465 NO FURTHER THAN THE COVETTON HOUSE BLUEBERRY BRIEFCASE. 389 00:20:58,548 --> 00:21:02,260 IT'S THE MOST STYLISH WAY TO SAY, "I DON'T EAT VERY MUCH." 390 00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:05,305 HOW MUCH FOR THE BLUEBERRY BRIEFCASE? 391 00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:06,348 IT'S A SURPRISE! 392 00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:12,145 BECAUSE THE PRICE IS ONLY AVAILABLE AFTER YOU PAY. 393 00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:16,358 BUT HERE'S A HINT: IT COSTS MORE THAN THE GRAPEFRUIT DUFFEL, BUT 394 00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:17,567 LESS THAN THE CANTALOUPE BJORN. 395 00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:24,157 AND FOR ANYONE WHO JUST GAVE BIRTH ON A $7,500 BIRTHING SILL, 396 00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:28,996 COVETTON HAS YOU COVERED FOR YOUR POSTPARTUM NEEDS WITH OUR 397 00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:30,122 $20,000 MAHOGANY PUMPING TABLE. 398 00:21:30,205 --> 00:21:35,210 SIMPLY LAY FACE-DOWN ON THE SMOOTH COMFORT OF THIS RICH, 399 00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:37,254 STIFF HONDURAN MAHOGANY, LINE YOUR BREASTS UP WITH THE 400 00:21:37,337 --> 00:21:41,258 STERLING SILVER PAILS, AND LET GRAVITY DO ITS THING. 401 00:21:41,341 --> 00:21:42,926 I THINK. 402 00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:48,181 NOT SURE HOW ALL THE LADY STUFF WORKS. 403 00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:51,184 AND REMEMBER: COVETTON'S PRODUCTS COME WITH THE EXACT 404 00:21:51,268 --> 00:21:53,395 SAME GUARANTEE AS THOSE FROM GOOP: IN A PINCH, YOU CAN PUT 405 00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:56,189 ALL OF THEM IN YOUR VAGINA. 406 00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:58,525 IT BALANCES YOUR KUNDALINI, OR SOMETHING. 407 00:21:58,608 --> 00:21:59,609 I DON'T KNOW. 408 00:21:59,693 --> 00:22:04,114 AGAIN, IT'S ALL-- IT'S ALL A MESS UPON 409 00:22:04,197 --> 00:22:05,365 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STARS OF "THE CROWN," OLIVIA COLMAN 410 00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:08,118 AND GILLIAN ANDERSON. 411 00:22:23,508 --> 00:22:24,092 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 412 00:22:24,176 --> 00:22:26,595 WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW." 413 00:22:26,678 --> 00:22:29,723 JOINING ME TONIGHT FROM ACROSS THE POND ARE THE ACADEMY AWARD 414 00:22:29,806 --> 00:22:31,933 WINNING STAR OF "THE FAVOURITE" AND THE EMMY WINNING STAR OF 415 00:22:32,017 --> 00:22:35,103 "THE X-FILES" AND "THE FALL." 416 00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:38,482 THEY'RE CURRENTLY TEAMING UP FOR SEASON FOUR OF "THE CROWN" ON 417 00:22:38,565 --> 00:22:39,733 NETFLIX. 418 00:22:39,816 --> 00:22:44,154 >> IT MAY SURPRISE YOU TO LEARN I ENJOY PREDICTING MINISTERIAL 419 00:22:44,237 --> 00:22:45,322 COMINGS AND GOINGS. 420 00:22:45,405 --> 00:22:51,286 IT'S LIKE THE RACES: I LIKE TO STUDY ODDS, WHO'S IN, WHO IS 421 00:22:51,369 --> 00:22:52,329 OUT. 422 00:22:52,412 --> 00:22:54,956 MY BEST SO FAR WAS MR. WILSON'S SUCCESS RESHUFFLE. 423 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,250 I GOT 90%. 424 00:22:57,334 --> 00:22:59,795 WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR MY PREDICTIONS FOR YOURS? 425 00:22:59,878 --> 00:23:03,757 I'M ASSUMING THEY'RE WOMEN. 426 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:05,300 >> WOMEN? 427 00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:06,468 >> IN CABINET. 428 00:23:06,551 --> 00:23:09,429 >> OH, CERTAINLY NOT. 429 00:23:09,513 --> 00:23:12,641 NOT JUST BECAUSE THERE AREN'T ANY SUITABLE CANDIDATES. 430 00:23:12,724 --> 00:23:17,270 BUT I HAVE FOUND WOMEN IN GENERAL TEND NOT TO BE SUITED TO 431 00:23:17,354 --> 00:23:19,314 HIGH OFFICE. 432 00:23:19,397 --> 00:23:20,524 >> OH, WHY IS THAT? 433 00:23:20,607 --> 00:23:24,444 WELL, THEY BOTTOM TOO EMOTIONAL. 434 00:23:24,528 --> 00:23:29,449 >> I DOUBT YOU'LL HAVE THAT TROUBLE WITH ME. 435 00:23:29,533 --> 00:23:31,493 >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME OLIVIA COLMAN AND GILLIAN 436 00:23:31,576 --> 00:23:32,452 ANDERSON! 437 00:23:32,536 --> 00:23:35,997 >> HELLO, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 438 00:23:36,081 --> 00:23:36,540 >> HI! 439 00:23:36,623 --> 00:23:37,749 THANK YOU FOR HAVING US. 440 00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:41,336 >> Stephen: I INTRODUCED YOU AS COMING FROM ACROSS THE POND. 441 00:23:41,419 --> 00:23:44,172 ARE YOU IN THE U.K. RIGHT NOW? 442 00:23:44,256 --> 00:23:44,506 WAS I CORRECT? 443 00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:45,632 >> YES. 444 00:23:45,715 --> 00:23:46,633 >> YES. 445 00:23:46,716 --> 00:23:50,846 >> Stephen: SO HOW IS THE SECOND LOCKDOWN GOING? 446 00:23:50,929 --> 00:23:54,683 I KNOW, SADLY, THE U.K. HAD TO LOCK DOWN AGAIN. 447 00:23:54,766 --> 00:23:55,475 HOW ARE YOU SPENDING YOUR TIME? 448 00:23:55,559 --> 00:23:58,103 >> WELL-- >> INDOORS. 449 00:23:58,186 --> 00:23:59,146 >> YES. 450 00:23:59,229 --> 00:24:00,355 >> Stephen: GOOD. 451 00:24:00,438 --> 00:24:05,152 I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR HAVING "THE CROWN" COME OUT RIGHT NOW 452 00:24:05,235 --> 00:24:09,030 AS WE'RE ABOUT TO ENTER OUR WINTER OF OUR DISCONTENT HERE, 453 00:24:09,114 --> 00:24:12,200 AS WE HAVE TO SORT OF LOCK DOWN A LITTLE BIT-- NOT OFFICIALLY, 454 00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:13,660 BUT IT'S SPIKING IN THE UNITED STATES. 455 00:24:13,743 --> 00:24:18,540 SO WE ALL NEED SOMETHING GOOD TO OCCUPY US WHILE WE'RE INDOORS. 456 00:24:18,623 --> 00:24:23,420 AND I'M EXCITED, OLIVIA, THAT YOU'RE BACK AS QUEEN ELIZABETH 457 00:24:23,503 --> 00:24:25,463 II. 458 00:24:25,547 --> 00:24:26,047 GILLIAN, HERE YOU ARE. 459 00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:27,174 >> THERE I AM. 460 00:24:27,257 --> 00:24:31,052 >> Stephen: THAT HAIRSTYLE LOOKS LIKE IT COULD SURVIVE 461 00:24:31,136 --> 00:24:31,928 REENTRY FROM LOW ORBIT. 462 00:24:32,012 --> 00:24:36,683 BOTH OF YOU HAVE SUBSTANTIAL HAIRSTYLES. 463 00:24:36,766 --> 00:24:38,894 >> MINE'S BIGGER THAN HERS. 464 00:24:38,977 --> 00:24:40,103 ( LAUGHTER ). 465 00:24:40,187 --> 00:24:43,899 >> Stephen: BESIDES THE HAIR AND MAKEUP, GILLIAN, WERE THERE 466 00:24:43,982 --> 00:24:45,609 PARTICULAR-- YOUR THATCHER IS EXTRAORDINARY. 467 00:24:45,692 --> 00:24:48,570 ARE THERE CERTAIN PHYSICAL MANNERISMS THAT YOU PICKED UP 468 00:24:48,653 --> 00:24:51,573 FROM HER THAT WERE HOOKS FOR YOU? 469 00:24:51,656 --> 00:24:56,620 >> WELL, CERTAINLY, THE VOICE IS A BIG WEIGH-IN TO HER. 470 00:24:56,703 --> 00:25:00,916 AND YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING THAT YOU WANT PHYSICALLY IN TERMS OF, 471 00:25:00,999 --> 00:25:05,587 YOU KNOW, ADDING A WIG AND ADDING CLOTHES AND A-- YOU KNOW, 472 00:25:05,670 --> 00:25:06,379 A SUIT. 473 00:25:06,463 --> 00:25:09,758 I WORE A SUIT TO MAKE ME A BIT WIDER. 474 00:25:09,841 --> 00:25:13,470 AND AT THE END OF THE DAY, AT THE END OF THE DAY, IF YOU DON'T 475 00:25:13,553 --> 00:25:19,476 REALLY HAVE THE VOICE RIGHT, YOU KNOW, IT'S A LITTLE BIT ODD. 476 00:25:19,559 --> 00:25:21,770 SO A GOOD WAY IN IS THE VOICE. 477 00:25:21,853 --> 00:25:23,688 >> Stephen: WHAT'S THE SECRET TO HER VOICE? 478 00:25:23,772 --> 00:25:25,774 WHAT'S THE SECRET TO THE THATCHER? 479 00:25:25,857 --> 00:25:29,945 >> WELL, SHE USED-- SHE WAS VERY BREATHY. 480 00:25:30,028 --> 00:25:34,241 AND SO-- AND HER PITCH WAS A BIT LOWER THAN MINE. 481 00:25:34,324 --> 00:25:40,247 AND SO-- AND, ALSO, THE WAY WHEN I-- WHEN I GO INTO HER, THERE'S 482 00:25:40,330 --> 00:25:47,170 A WAY OF HOLDING-- HOLDING THE TEETH OVER THE LOWER LIP JUST A 483 00:25:47,254 --> 00:25:47,671 LITTLE BIT. 484 00:25:47,754 --> 00:25:49,965 AND, GO ON, STEPHEN. 485 00:25:50,048 --> 00:25:52,300 JUST BREATHING OUT. 486 00:25:52,384 --> 00:25:52,926 BREATHING OUT. 487 00:25:53,009 --> 00:25:55,595 >> Stephen: BREATHING OUT... 488 00:25:55,679 --> 00:25:58,765 >> BREATHING OUT. 489 00:25:58,848 --> 00:26:02,477 >> Stephen: I'M MARGARET THATCHER. 490 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:06,690 >> AND TAKING A DEEP BREATH AND DON'T LET SOMEBODY ELSE COME IN. 491 00:26:06,773 --> 00:26:07,816 DON'T INTERRUPT ME. 492 00:26:07,899 --> 00:26:14,281 I WON'T LET YOU INTERRUPT ME DISPLU SOUND LIKE MARGARET 493 00:26:14,364 --> 00:26:14,948 THATCHER. 494 00:26:15,031 --> 00:26:15,991 I SOUND LIKE THE CRYPT KEEPER. 495 00:26:16,074 --> 00:26:18,868 >> YOU LOOK A LITTLE LIKE A DUMMY. 496 00:26:18,952 --> 00:26:22,622 YOU LOOK A LITTLE LIKE SOMEBODY HAS THEIR HAND UP YOUR TROUSERS. 497 00:26:22,706 --> 00:26:24,666 >> Stephen: THAT SOUNDS DELIGHTFUL. 498 00:26:24,749 --> 00:26:30,005 OLIVIA, I HAVE SPOKEN TO SOME OF YOUR COSTARS ABOUT HOW THEY FIND 499 00:26:30,088 --> 00:26:35,302 THE ROYAL VOICE AS OPPOSED TO, SORT OF A STANDARD RECEIVED 500 00:26:35,385 --> 00:26:36,511 QUEEN'S ENGLISH. 501 00:26:36,594 --> 00:26:43,476 THE QUEEN DOESN'T SPEAK THE RECEIVE'S QUEEN'S ENGLISH, DOES 502 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:44,602 SHE? 503 00:26:44,686 --> 00:26:50,525 >> R.P., WE CALL "RECEIVED PRONUNCIATION" WHICH IS HOW I 504 00:26:50,608 --> 00:26:51,693 SUPPOSE I SPEAK AND GILLIAN SPEAKS. 505 00:26:51,776 --> 00:26:52,777 I DON'T KNOW. 506 00:26:52,861 --> 00:26:56,489 I'M PROBABLY THE WORST PERSON TO INTERVIEW ABOUT THIS. 507 00:26:56,573 --> 00:26:59,367 I TRIED TO PAY ATTENTION BUT I DON'T REALLY RETAIN INFORMATION. 508 00:26:59,451 --> 00:27:05,665 BUT I THINK I'M SORT OF AVERAGE ENGLISH SOUNDING, BUT, YES, THE 509 00:27:05,749 --> 00:27:11,629 ROYALS HAVE A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL OF... 510 00:27:11,713 --> 00:27:12,756 SPEAKING. 511 00:27:12,839 --> 00:27:13,673 >> Stephen: HOW WOULD-- >> FOR EXAMPLE, CAN I TEACH YOU 512 00:27:13,757 --> 00:27:17,385 HOW TO SAY "YES?" >> Stephen: YES. 513 00:27:17,469 --> 00:27:19,220 >> IN THE QUEEN'S ENGLISH. 514 00:27:19,304 --> 00:27:25,393 SO IF YOU SAY-- THIS IS WHAT-- SO WILLIAM CONQUER, WHO WAS OUR 515 00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:29,356 INCREDIBLE VOICE TEACHER, HE GAVE ALL OF US THIS LITTLE TRICK 516 00:27:29,439 --> 00:27:31,608 WHEN WE STARTED, MAINLY JUST TO MAKE US LEAVE. 517 00:27:31,691 --> 00:27:35,779 IF YOU SAY E-A-R-S. 518 00:27:35,862 --> 00:27:37,697 >> Stephen: EARS. 519 00:27:37,781 --> 00:27:39,699 >> YES. 520 00:27:39,783 --> 00:27:40,200 >> Stephen: I'M SORRY. 521 00:27:40,283 --> 00:27:44,204 SAY IT AS THE QUEEN. 522 00:27:44,287 --> 00:27:44,621 >> EARS. 523 00:27:44,704 --> 00:27:46,539 ( LAUGHTER ). 524 00:27:46,623 --> 00:27:50,919 >> Stephen: THIS IS MY QUEEN THATCHER ER. 525 00:27:51,002 --> 00:27:51,753 >> THAT'S IT. 526 00:27:51,836 --> 00:27:53,713 >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE. 527 00:27:53,797 --> 00:27:55,757 >> THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT. 528 00:27:55,840 --> 00:28:00,095 >> Stephen: GILLIAN, OBVIOUSLY, MARGARET THATCHER IS 529 00:28:00,178 --> 00:28:03,640 THE IRON LADY, AND THE QUEEN, AT LEAST TO THOSE OF US WATCHING 530 00:28:03,723 --> 00:28:06,643 FROM A DISTANCE OVER HERE IN THE UNITED STATES, SEEMS LOOK A 531 00:28:06,726 --> 00:28:15,110 FIGURE A BIT CARVED IN MARBLE, VERY STADE, VERY PROPER. 532 00:28:15,193 --> 00:28:18,113 NOW THAT YOU HAVE PLAYED THEM, I ASSUME THERE IS A MORE TENDER OR 533 00:28:18,196 --> 00:28:20,573 HUMAN SIDE THAT YOU DIDN'T SEE BEFORE. 534 00:28:20,657 --> 00:28:23,743 LIKE IS THE QUEEN-- DOES IT MAKE SENSE TO HEAR HER CALLED LILIBET 535 00:28:23,827 --> 00:28:27,914 TO YOU NOW, AS PHILLIP CALLS HER? 536 00:28:27,997 --> 00:28:31,626 >> WELL, YES, I THINK IT'S MORE-- I MEAN, I WOULD NEVER 537 00:28:31,709 --> 00:28:35,755 DARE TO BE PRESUMPTIONUOUS ENOUGH TO SAY I KNOW, YOU KNOW, 538 00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:39,092 HOW SHE FEELS. 539 00:28:39,175 --> 00:28:43,471 I'M AN ACTOR SAYING WORDS, PRETENDING TO BE SOMEONE. 540 00:28:43,555 --> 00:28:46,766 BUT SHE-- SHE'S OBVIOUSLY HUMAN, AND SHE'S BEEN FORCED INTO THIS 541 00:28:46,850 --> 00:28:49,310 JOB THAT SHE WASN'T ACTUALLY MEANT TO DO. 542 00:28:49,394 --> 00:28:52,313 IT WAS MEANT TO BE SOMEBODY ELSE. 543 00:28:52,397 --> 00:29:00,697 AND SHE'S DONE IT WITH EXTRAORDINARY GUSTO AND DIGNITY 544 00:29:00,780 --> 00:29:01,114 AND... 545 00:29:01,197 --> 00:29:02,866 I DON'T KNOW. 546 00:29:02,949 --> 00:29:05,493 I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT HER BEFORE, REALLY. 547 00:29:05,577 --> 00:29:07,787 YOU KNOW, GROWING UP IN A PLACE WHERE THEY HAVE ALWAYS EXISTED, 548 00:29:07,871 --> 00:29:14,294 YOU DON'T REALLY I THINK PAY ATTENTION TO IT AS MUCH AS 549 00:29:14,377 --> 00:29:19,007 COUNTRY WHERE'S THEY DON'T HAVE A MONARCHY, WHICH IS REALLY 550 00:29:19,090 --> 00:29:19,966 FASCINATING. 551 00:29:20,049 --> 00:29:21,217 SO LEARNING ABOUT HER, I THINK-- I DON'T KNOW. 552 00:29:21,301 --> 00:29:24,637 EVERYTHING I'M SAYING IS JUST MADE UP, BECAUSE I DONT KNOW. 553 00:29:24,721 --> 00:29:30,310 SHE SEEMS LIKE A SWEET WOMAN WHO HAS MADE A VOW TO DO THIS JOB 554 00:29:30,393 --> 00:29:35,023 AND IS DOING IT VERY WELL TO THE BEST OF HER ABILITIES, AND 555 00:29:35,106 --> 00:29:38,568 CONSIDERING SHE WAS NEVER MEANT TO DO IT, I THINK SHE'S PRETTY 556 00:29:38,651 --> 00:29:40,195 BLOODY MARVELOUS AT IT. 557 00:29:40,278 --> 00:29:44,199 AND I THINK SHE'S NOT AS STONE AS SHE SEEMS, I THINK. 558 00:29:44,282 --> 00:29:48,328 >> Stephen: AND WHAT ABOUT-- WHAT ABOUT THATCHER, GILLIAN? 559 00:29:48,411 --> 00:29:50,205 BECAUSE-- >> THATCHER, ON THE OTHER HAND, 560 00:29:50,288 --> 00:29:54,209 IS AS IRON AS SHE SEEMS, I THINK. 561 00:29:54,292 --> 00:29:59,547 I MEAN, ONE OF THE THINGS ABOUT THE WRITING IN "THE CROWN," 562 00:29:59,631 --> 00:30:07,889 PETER'S WRITING IS-- HE CREATES VERY THREE-DIMERCIAL CHARACTERS, 563 00:30:07,972 --> 00:30:11,893 AND I THINK-- AT LEAST FOR ME, I ALWAYS FELT THAT THATCHER WAS-- 564 00:30:11,976 --> 00:30:17,565 WHAT I KNEW OF HER SEEMED TO BE QUITE TWO-DIMENSIONAL. 565 00:30:17,649 --> 00:30:20,777 AND, YOU KNOW, "THE CROWN" IS REALLY WONDERFUL AT SHOWING 566 00:30:20,860 --> 00:30:28,743 MANY, MANY DIFFERENT SIDES OF THE HUMAN BEINGS THAT THEY'RE-- 567 00:30:28,826 --> 00:30:30,870 THAT THE ACTORS GET TO PORTRAY. 568 00:30:30,954 --> 00:30:36,751 SO, YOU KNOW, IN DOING THE RESEARCH THAT-- A LOT OF 569 00:30:36,834 --> 00:30:41,548 RESEARCH FOR THATCHER, ONE OF THE THINGS THAT FEELS MOST 570 00:30:41,631 --> 00:30:47,053 IMPORTANT IS TO KIND OF PUT PRECONCEPTIONS TO THE SIDE AND 571 00:30:47,136 --> 00:30:50,431 START FROM SCRATCH BECAUSE THERE'S A LOT OF STRONG FEELINGS 572 00:30:50,515 --> 00:30:56,938 IN THE U.K. ABOUT THE IRON LADY. 573 00:30:57,021 --> 00:31:03,945 AND TO FIND A WAY INTO HER SO YOU GET TO UNDERSTAND HER BELIEF 574 00:31:04,028 --> 00:31:07,949 SYSTEM AND & WHAT DROVE HER TO DO SOME OF THE THINGS THAT SHE 575 00:31:08,032 --> 00:31:09,117 DID. 576 00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:12,245 WHICH MEANS YOU MAY OR MAY NOT FIND SOME SYMPATHY FOR HER AND 577 00:31:12,328 --> 00:31:13,371 SOME COMPASSION. 578 00:31:13,454 --> 00:31:17,625 BUT AT LEAST, IF NOT THOSE THINGS, YOU AT LEAST FEEL THAT 579 00:31:17,709 --> 00:31:21,004 YOU ARE... 580 00:31:21,087 --> 00:31:23,715 CREATING A MORE THREE-DIMENSIONAL CHARACTER THAN 581 00:31:23,798 --> 00:31:26,301 YOU MIGHT OTHERWISE WOULD WITHOUT DOING THAT WORK. 582 00:31:26,384 --> 00:31:28,845 >> Stephen: LADIES WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 583 00:31:28,928 --> 00:31:34,350 STICK AROUND EVERYBODY, WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE OLIVIA COLMAN AND 584 00:31:34,434 --> 00:31:35,685 GILLIAN ANDERSON. 585 00:31:35,768 --> 00:31:36,853 I WILL ASK WHAT IT'S LIKE TO GO TO BUCKINGHAM PALACE AND MEET 586 00:31:36,936 --> 00:31:38,521 THE FANCY PEOPLE. 587 00:31:51,034 --> 00:31:52,160 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 588 00:31:52,243 --> 00:31:55,705 WE'RE BACK WITH GILLIAN ANDERSON AND OLIVIA COLMAN FOR SEASON 589 00:31:55,788 --> 00:31:57,165 FOUR OF "THE CROWN." 590 00:31:57,248 --> 00:32:01,961 I KNOW BOTH OF YOU HAVE-- HERE'S A PICTURE OF GILLIAN AND THE 591 00:32:02,045 --> 00:32:03,129 QUEEN RIGHT HERE. 592 00:32:03,212 --> 00:32:09,886 BOTH OF YOU, IF I'M NOT, HAVE MET HER MAJESTY AND YOU HAVE 593 00:32:09,969 --> 00:32:12,180 HONORS GIVEN TO YOU BY HER MAJESTY. 594 00:32:12,263 --> 00:32:13,306 WHAT IS IT LIKE? 595 00:32:13,389 --> 00:32:16,559 WHAT IS IT LIKE GOING TO BUCKINGHAM? 596 00:32:16,643 --> 00:32:21,856 IS IT-- IS IT NERVE RACKING TO BE THERE, BECAUSE YOU MIGHT DO 597 00:32:21,939 --> 00:32:24,359 SOMETHING WRONG, OR IS EVERYBODY JUST PERFECTLY COMFORTABLE AND 598 00:32:24,442 --> 00:32:26,819 IT'S LIKE ANY OTHER FLAT? 599 00:32:26,903 --> 00:32:31,866 ( LAUGHS ) >> IT'S NOT LIKE MOST FLATS I'VE 600 00:32:31,949 --> 00:32:32,492 BEEN TO. 601 00:32:32,575 --> 00:32:35,286 I WAS-- I WAS VERY NERVOUS. 602 00:32:35,370 --> 00:32:39,040 BUT IT WASN'T THE QUEEN THAT GAVE-- THAT I MET. 603 00:32:39,123 --> 00:32:42,877 I MET PRINCESS ANN. 604 00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,046 AND THE PALACE-- WHAT WAS HILARIOUS, IT TURNS OUT 605 00:32:45,129 --> 00:32:49,550 EVERYTHING WE'VE DONE IN "THE CROWN" WAS TONED DOWN COMPARED 606 00:32:49,634 --> 00:32:51,552 TO AS IT IS IN THE ACTUAL PALACE. 607 00:32:51,636 --> 00:32:52,720 THERE ARE -- >> Stephen: MEANING WHAT? 608 00:32:52,804 --> 00:32:56,766 >> I WASN'T THERE ON A RAINY WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON, AN AVERAGE 609 00:32:56,849 --> 00:32:57,975 DAY. 610 00:32:58,059 --> 00:33:01,562 IT WAS A DAY WHEN IT WAS-- BUT THERE WERE ENDLESS PEOPLE WITH 611 00:33:01,646 --> 00:33:05,400 GOLD FRILLS ON THEIR SHOULDERS AND ALL SORTS OF DIFFERENT 612 00:33:05,483 --> 00:33:09,946 OUTFITS AND DIFFERENT UNIFORMS AND-- BUT THE STAFF WERE SO 613 00:33:10,029 --> 00:33:11,072 SWEET. 614 00:33:11,155 --> 00:33:13,032 AND IF YOU LOOKED NERVOUS, THEY'D GO, "DON'T WORRY, IT'S 615 00:33:13,116 --> 00:33:14,117 ALL OKAY. 616 00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:18,538 DO YOU WANT A CUP OF TEA?" YOU KNOW, THEY WERE SWEET-- 617 00:33:18,621 --> 00:33:20,415 "JUST TURN TO THE LEFT, LOOK THAT WAY, STOP HERE" 618 00:33:20,498 --> 00:33:23,751 THEY HELPED YOU ALONG THE WAY. 619 00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:26,254 BUT IT WAS AN EXTRAORDINARY EXPERIENCE, I MEAN, ONE I-- IT'S 620 00:33:26,337 --> 00:33:27,255 ONE I WILL NEVER FORGET. 621 00:33:27,338 --> 00:33:31,050 AND I SORT OF SAID YES MAINLY FOR MY MOM AND DAD. 622 00:33:31,134 --> 00:33:37,098 I TOOK MY DAD, AND HE WAS-- HE COULDN'T WALK VERY FAST. 623 00:33:37,181 --> 00:33:39,809 NEFS A WHEELCHAIR, SO HE GOT A REALLY GOOD SEAT. 624 00:33:39,892 --> 00:33:41,102 HE GOT NEAR THE FRONT. 625 00:33:41,185 --> 00:33:42,103 AND THEY HAD AN ABSOLUTE BALL. 626 00:33:42,186 --> 00:33:46,399 AND IT WAS-- IT WAS VERY LUCKY, YOU KNOW. 627 00:33:46,482 --> 00:33:48,109 IT DOESN'T HAPPEN TO MANY PEOPLE, AND I FELT VERY 628 00:33:48,192 --> 00:33:52,822 FORTUNATE, AND IT WAS ALSO HILARIOUS. 629 00:33:52,905 --> 00:33:55,783 >> Stephen: GILLIAN, WHAT WAS THE EXPERIENCE LIKE FOR YOU? 630 00:33:55,867 --> 00:34:00,288 >> WELL ON THE-- ON THE-- I MEAN, I MET HER A FEW TIMES, AND 631 00:34:00,371 --> 00:34:03,082 VERY OFTEN THERE'S SOMEBODY WHO WALKS WITH HER AND WHISPERS IN 632 00:34:03,166 --> 00:34:07,170 HER EAR TO TELL HER WHO IT IS THAT SHE'S ABOUT TO MEET. 633 00:34:07,253 --> 00:34:10,131 I MEAN, SHE MEETS A LOT OF PEOPLE. 634 00:34:10,214 --> 00:34:11,174 >> Stephen: SURE. 635 00:34:11,257 --> 00:34:13,342 >> AND SHE'S NOT GOING TO REMEMBER WHO EVERYBODY IS. 636 00:34:13,426 --> 00:34:19,974 AND SO THERE'S SOMEBODY-- SHE HAS A QUEEN WHISPERER. 637 00:34:20,057 --> 00:34:21,058 AND SO THERE'S THAT. 638 00:34:21,142 --> 00:34:24,312 AND YOU'RE NOT MEANT TO SPEAK BEFORE YOU'RE SPOKEN TO. 639 00:34:24,395 --> 00:34:27,315 SO THERE'S-- YOU KNOW, IT CAN BE A LITTLE BIT AWKWARD, AND, YOU 640 00:34:27,398 --> 00:34:30,193 KNOW, SHE MAY ASK YOU QUESTIONS ABOUT YOURSELF, OR HOW YOU'RE 641 00:34:30,276 --> 00:34:35,114 ENJOYING THE THING THAT SHE'S JUST BEEN TOLD THAT YOU DO. 642 00:34:35,198 --> 00:34:38,785 >> Stephen: WELL, YOU'VE MET HER MULTIPLE TIMES, RIGHT? 643 00:34:38,868 --> 00:34:41,287 >> YEAH, I'VE MET HER MULTIPLE TIMES, BUT ON THAT PARTICULAR 644 00:34:41,370 --> 00:34:47,210 TIME WITH THAT IMAGE THAT YOU JUST SHOWED WAS-- WAS IN A VERY, 645 00:34:47,293 --> 00:34:48,503 VERY BIG ROOM. 646 00:34:48,586 --> 00:34:53,841 AND AT THE END, ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE ROOM FELT LIKE IT STARTED TO 647 00:34:53,925 --> 00:34:55,802 GET SMALLER AND SMALLER. 648 00:34:55,885 --> 00:34:59,180 AND I LOOKED OVER AND I REALIZED THAT ALL OF THESE MEN THAT 649 00:34:59,263 --> 00:35:03,518 OLIVIA WAS TALKING ABOUT WITH THE EPAULETS ON THE SHOULDERS 650 00:35:03,601 --> 00:35:06,062 AND EVERYTHING, THEY WERE IN A LINE, CUTTINGSING THE ROOM IN 651 00:35:06,145 --> 00:35:06,938 HALF. 652 00:35:07,021 --> 00:35:09,857 AND THEY ALL HAD TRAYS IN FRONT OF THEM. 653 00:35:09,941 --> 00:35:14,737 AND THEY WERE WALKING IN UNISON TOWARDS YOU IN A LINE, SO MAKING 654 00:35:14,821 --> 00:35:17,156 THE ROOM SMALLER AND SMALLER. 655 00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:21,035 IT WAS LIKE IN "STAR WARS." 656 00:35:21,118 --> 00:35:22,912 >> Stephen: SURE, TRASH COMPACTOR. 657 00:35:22,995 --> 00:35:24,205 >> THE TRASH COMPACTOR. 658 00:35:24,288 --> 00:35:29,710 IT WAS LIKE THAT WITH THE TRAY, SO YOU'RE MEANT TO PUT THE DRINK 659 00:35:29,794 --> 00:35:31,379 ON THE TRAY YOU'RE HOLDING AND SKEDADDLE. 660 00:35:31,462 --> 00:35:32,255 >> Stephen: GET OUT, GET OUT. 661 00:35:32,338 --> 00:35:35,216 "HAVE YOU HAD FUN? 662 00:35:35,299 --> 00:35:36,134 GOOD, GO. 663 00:35:36,217 --> 00:35:39,929 SHE'S AN OLD LADY AND SHE'S BUSY, GET OUT." 664 00:35:40,012 --> 00:35:42,557 SEASON FOUR OF "THE CROWN" IS AVAILABLE ON NETFLIX THIS 665 00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:43,558 SUNDAY. 666 00:35:43,641 --> 00:35:46,227 OLIVIA COLMAN AND GILLIAN ANDERSON, EVERYBODY! 667 00:35:46,310 --> 00:35:47,728 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY 668 00:35:47,812 --> 00:35:48,604 KYLIE MINOGUE. 669 00:35:48,688 --> 00:35:48,729 STICK AROUND. 670 00:36:17,341 --> 00:36:31,606 FROM HER NEW ALBUM, "DISCO," KYLIE MINOGUE! 671 00:36:31,689 --> 00:36:39,405 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 672 00:36:39,488 --> 00:36:44,660 ♪ I FEEL LIKE ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN 673 00:36:44,744 --> 00:36:48,247 ♪ THE STARS LOOK DIFFERENT TONIGHT 674 00:36:48,331 --> 00:36:51,459 ♪ THEY'RE GLOWIN' ALL AROUND ME IT'S FLOWIN' THROUGH MY BODY 675 00:36:51,542 --> 00:36:57,465 ♪ I CAN FEEL IT I CAN FEEL IT 676 00:36:57,548 --> 00:36:59,258 ♪ YOU GOT ME STARTED AND NOTHING ON EARTH CAN STOP IT 677 00:36:59,342 --> 00:37:02,303 ♪ IT'S CRAZY I'M FALLING 678 00:37:02,386 --> 00:37:04,639 ♪ I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO CALL IT 679 00:37:04,722 --> 00:37:08,100 ♪ BOY, DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? 680 00:37:08,184 --> 00:37:12,647 DO YOU, DO YOU, DO YOU ♪ DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC 681 00:37:12,730 --> 00:37:15,316 OOOH ♪ DANCING TOGETHER 682 00:37:15,399 --> 00:37:19,111 AIN'T NOTHING THAT COULD BE ♪ BETTER 683 00:37:19,195 --> 00:37:20,655 TOMORROW DON'T MATTER ♪ WE'LL MAKE THE NIGHT 684 00:37:20,738 --> 00:37:25,117 LAST FOREVER ♪ SO, DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? 685 00:37:25,201 --> 00:37:27,495 DO YOU, DO YOU, DO YOU? 686 00:37:27,578 --> 00:37:28,663 ♪ DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? 687 00:37:28,746 --> 00:37:36,671 OOOH ♪ YOU MAKE ME 688 00:37:36,754 --> 00:37:40,716 WANNA DO THESE WILD THINGS ♪ YOUR TOUCH IS SUPERNATURAL 689 00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:44,720 OOH, I CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING ♪ I'M FLOATING THROUGH THE 690 00:37:44,804 --> 00:37:48,766 CEILING ♪ CAN YOU FEEL IT? 691 00:37:48,849 --> 00:37:51,519 I CAN FEEL IT, OH-OH ♪ YOU GOT ME STARTED AND 692 00:37:51,602 --> 00:37:54,480 NOTHING ON EARTH CAN STOP IT ♪ IT'S CRAZY 693 00:37:54,563 --> 00:37:56,732 I'M FALLING ♪ I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE 694 00:37:56,816 --> 00:38:00,736 TO CALL IT ♪ OH, DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? 695 00:38:00,820 --> 00:38:03,531 DO YOU, DO YOU, DO YOU? 696 00:38:03,614 --> 00:38:04,740 ♪ DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? 697 00:38:04,824 --> 00:38:08,327 OOOH ♪ DANCING TOGETHER 698 00:38:08,411 --> 00:38:12,707 AIN'T NOTHING THAT COULD BE ♪ BETTER 699 00:38:12,790 --> 00:38:15,543 TOMORROW DON'T MATTER ♪ WE'LL MAKE THE NIGHT 700 00:38:15,626 --> 00:38:19,255 LAST FOREVER ♪ SO, DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? 701 00:38:19,338 --> 00:38:19,880 DO YOU, DO YOU, DO YOU? 702 00:38:19,964 --> 00:38:24,719 ♪ DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? 703 00:38:24,802 --> 00:38:32,727 OOOH ♪ MAGIC, MAGIC, MAGIC, MAGIC 704 00:38:32,810 --> 00:38:33,561 DO YOU BELIEVE IN? 705 00:38:33,644 --> 00:38:36,731 ♪ DO YOU BELIEVE IN? 706 00:38:36,814 --> 00:38:40,776 MAGIC, MAGIC, MAGIC, MAGIC ♪ DO YOU BELIEVE 707 00:38:40,860 --> 00:38:44,780 IN MAGIC? 708 00:38:44,864 --> 00:38:48,617 ♪ YOU GOT ME STARTED AND NOTHING ON EARTH CAN STOP IT 709 00:38:48,701 --> 00:38:49,410 ♪ IT'S CRAZY I'M FALLING 710 00:38:49,493 --> 00:38:54,582 ♪ I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO CALL IT 711 00:38:54,665 --> 00:38:56,709 ♪ BOY, DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? 712 00:38:56,792 --> 00:38:57,335 DO YOU, DO YOU, DO YOU? 713 00:38:57,418 --> 00:39:00,796 ♪ DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? 714 00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,883 OOOH ♪ DANCING TOGETHER 715 00:39:03,966 --> 00:39:08,846 AIN'T NOTHING THAT COULD BE ♪ BETTER 716 00:39:08,929 --> 00:39:12,767 TOMORROW DON'T MATTER ♪ WE'LL MAKE THE NIGHT 717 00:39:12,850 --> 00:39:15,603 LAST FOREVER ♪ SO, DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? 718 00:39:15,686 --> 00:39:20,775 DO YOU, DO YOU, DO YOU ♪ DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? 719 00:39:20,858 --> 00:39:28,783 OOOH ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 720 00:39:28,866 --> 00:39:32,787 DO YOU BELIEVE IN? 721 00:39:32,870 --> 00:39:39,627 ♪ DO YOU BELIEVE IN? 722 00:39:39,710 --> 00:39:49,762 OOOH ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 723 00:39:49,845 --> 00:39:59,105 OOOH ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 724 00:39:59,188 --> 00:39:59,855 >> Stephen: KYLIE MINOGUE, EVERYBODY! 725 00:39:59,939 --> 00:40:01,065 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 726 00:40:12,576 --> 00:40:13,619 LATE SHOW." 727 00:40:13,702 --> 00:40:15,788 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE MICHAEL MOORE AND 728 00:40:15,871 --> 00:40:17,373 MUSICAL GUEST, SARA BAREILLES. 729 00:40:17,456 --> 00:40:20,501 PLUS A SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY STEVE CARELL. 730 00:40:20,584 --> 00:40:23,337 THAT SOUNDS LIKE A PRETTY GOOD SHOW. 731 00:40:23,420 --> 00:40:24,630 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 732 00:40:24,713 --> 00:40:25,631 BUT FIRST, LET'S SAY GOOD NIGHT WITH SOME MUSIC FROM JON BATISTE 733 00:40:25,714 --> 00:40:28,175 AND STAY HUMAN. 734 00:40:28,259 --> 00:40:32,138 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 735 00:40:32,221 --> 00:40:34,682 Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by 736 00:40:34,765 --> 00:40:35,224 Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org