IN NEW YORK, CONGRESSMAN JIM JORDAN AND THE HOUSE
JUDICIARY COMMITTEE ARE HERE. THE CHAIR HELD A SO-CALLED
"FIELD HEARING" ON CRIME. IN BRAGG'S MANHATTAN, YOU CAN
RESIST ARREST, DEAL DRUGS, AND EVEN CARRY A GUN TO GET AWAY
WITH IT. CRIME IN NEW YORK CITY IS
ACTUALLY DOWN. HOMICIDES ARE DOWN 9%.
SHOOTINGS ARE DOWN 14%. ROBBERY DOWN 10%.
BURGLARY DOWN 23%. TRANSIT CRIME DOWN 11.5%.
[MELODY OF "NEW YORK, NEW YORK,"]
♪ ♪
Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW
WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." TONIGHT...
IRISH GOOD BIDEN. FIRST, STEPHEN WELCOMES
JOSH GROBAN AND SHERYL LEE RALPH.
WITH A SPECIAL APPEARANCE. FEATURING LOUIS CATO
AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND. AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE
FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY,
IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
♪ ♪ Stephen: WELCOME ONE AND
ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW." I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
I HOPE YOU ALL HAD A GREAT WEEKEND.
BUT NO MATTER WHAT KIND YOU HAD, YOU DIDN'T HAVE AS MUCH FUN
AS PRESIDENT BIDEN, WHO WRAPPED UP HIS TOUR OF IRELAND.
IT WAS EVERYTHING HE DREAMED. HE MET WITH RELATIVES, TOURED
SOME CASTLES, HE GOT TO VISIT THE MALARKEY FACTORY.
THROUGHOUT THE TRIP, HE DELIVERED A BUNCH OF
SPEECHES, INCLUDING THIS ONE IN DUBLIN, WHERE HE ENDED
WITH THESE INSPIRING WORDS. THERE'S NOTHING OUR
NATIONS CAN'T ACHIEVE IF WE DO IT TOGETHER.
I REALLY MEAN IT. SO THANK YOU ALL, GOD
BLESS YOU ALL AND LET'S GO... LET'S GO LICK THE WORLD,
LET'S GET IT DONE. Stephen: YEAH, BABY!
LICK THE WORLD! [AUDIENCE CHANTING]
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL THAT MEANS THAT IF ANYBODY CAN
DO IT, IT'S JOE BIDEN. THEN BIDEN WAS OFF TO HIS
ANCESTRAL HOME OF COUNTY MAYO, WHERE THEY GAVE ONE HELL OF
AN ENTRANCE. PLEASE WELCOME A SON OF
BALLINA AND THE 46TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, JOE BIDEN!
[DROPKICK MURPHY'S "SHIPPING OFF TO BOSTON" PLAYS]
Stephen: WOW! IT'S JOE BIDEN'S FIRST EVER WWE
ENTRANCE. "OH!
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MUSIC MEANS: IT'S THE SCRANTON SCRAMBLER
COMIN' IN HOT ON THE ACELA PAIN TRAIN, AND HE'S GOT A TICKET&
FOR THE RIOT CAR!" [MIMICS STEAM WHISTLE]
NOW. [HUMMING TUNE]
AFTER THAT INTRO, FOR SOME REASON, BIDEN STARTED HIS SPEECH
LIKE THIS. HELLO!
MARY, I SEE THE LIGHT! Stephen: NO!
OH, NO, NO. THERE ARE THREE THINGS YOU NEVER
SAY AT YOUR AGE! "I SEE THE LIGHT."
"THAT CAN WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW."
AND "I'LL DRIVE." BIDEN ALSO REMINISCED ABOUT HIS
ANCESTORS WHO NEVER DREAMED THIS DAY WOULD COME.
I DOUBT HE EVER IMAGINED THAT HIS GREAT-GREAT-GREAT GRANDSON
WOULD RETURN 200 YEARS LATER AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
OF AMERICA. Stephen: WOW, I'M SURE HE'D
THINK THAT WAS COOL, BUT SOMEONE BORN 200 YEARS AGO MIGHT FIND
OTHER THINGS MORE IMPRESSIVE. "SAINTS PRESERVE US!
ME GREAT-GREAT-GREAT GRANDSON IS PRESIDENT!
FINE. NOW TELL ME MORE ABOUT THIS
TYPEWRITER IN YOUR POCKET THAT PLAYS PORNOGRAPHY!"
BACK STATESIDE, WE'RE ALL EXCITED BECAUSE TODAY WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE THE FIRST DAY OF DOMINION'S DEFAMATION TRIAL
AGAINST FOX NEWS. BUT EARLY THIS MORNING, WHEN I
WAS ALL SET WITH A BREAKFAST OF POPCORN AND CHAMPAGNE,
I LEARNED THAT THE DOMINION VERSUS FOX TRIAL WAS DELAYED.
NO! NO, NO, NO, NO.
YOU CANNOT TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME!
THIS IS MY SUPER BOWL! I WANTED TO SEE THE COURTROOM
SKETCH OF RUPERT MURDOCH! WE HAD TO MAKE OUR OWN!
HERE'S A LITTLE BEHIND THE SCENES INFO:
TO MAKE THAT SKETCH, WE JUST TRACED A SCROTUM
AND DREW GLASSES ON IT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BUT IT LOOKS LIKE THE TRIAL MIGHT NOT JUST BE DELAYED.
THERE'S A CHANCE IT MAY NOT HAPPEN AT ALL.
BECAUSE APPARENTLY, FOX NEWS IS LOOKING FOR
A POSSIBLE WAY TO SETTLE THE CASE.
SETTLE? DOMINION, JOIN ME OVER HERE
AT THE "BRUNCH" CAM. "GIRL, DO NOT SETTLE!
YOU ARE WORTH MORE. NO, NO, UH-UH, NO.
I WON'T HEAR IT. YOU ARE WORTH MORE.
APPROXIMATELY 1.5 BILLION IN DAMAGES.
HE LIED, HE SAID YOU CHEATED BUT YOU NEVER DID,
AND IF YOU DON'T MAKE HIM GROVEL, HE'S JUST GONNA PULL
THIS WITH ANOTHER INNOCENT YOUNG VOTING COMPANY.
CAN I TRY YOUR WAFFLE?" [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THAT'S A MIMOSA. THERE'S MORE TROUBLE
FOR SUPREME COURT JUSTICE AND MAN BEING TOLD HE MIGHT FACE
CONSEQUENCES, CLARENCE THOMAS. WE HAD ALREADY LEARNED THAT
THOMAS ACCEPTED LAVISH GIFTS AND TRIPS ON THE YACHT
AND PRIVATE JET OF BILLIONAIRE AND GORDON RAMSEY DREDGED
FROM A LAKE, HARLAN CROW. CROW IS AN ARCH-CONSERVATIVE
WHO'S KNOWN FOR HIS ASSORTED NAZI MEMORABILIA
AND GARDEN FULL OF STATUES OF THE 20TH CENTURY'S
WORST DESPOTS. IT'S SO IMPRESSIVE, THEY PUT HIM
ON THE COVER OF "HITLER HOMES AND GOEBBELS."
NOW, THOMAS CLAIMS THAT HE DID NOT HAVE TO REPORT ALL THESE
GIFTS BECAUSE HE AND CROW ARE SUCH CLOSE BUDS.
BUT THIS MUST BE ONE HELL OF A FRIENDSHIP BECAUSE ON THURSDAY
WE LEARNED THAT, BACK 2014, HARLAN CROW BOUGHT PROPERTY FROM
CLARENCE THOMAS, INCLUDING THE HOUSE WHERE THOMAS'S ELDERLY
MOTHER WAS LIVING. THAT MIGHT GIVE HIM INFLUENCE.
"NO, CLARENCE, YOU VOTE HOWEVER YOUR CONSCIENCE DICTATES,
BUT REMEMBER, I AM YOUR MOTHER'S LANDLORD.
OH, MOM'S POWER JUST WENT OUT. OH, NOW IT'S BACK ON.
SERIOUSLY, VOTE HOWEVER YOU WANT.
OH, MOMMY'S IN THE DARK AGAIN. HOPE SHE CAN FIND
THE FRIDGE! ISN'T THAT WHERE
SHE KEEPS HER INSULIN?" NOT ONLY DID CROW BUY THE HOUSE,
BUT LET THOMAS'S MOTHER CONTINUE TO LIVE THERE, MADE RENOVATIONS,
INCLUDING A CARPORT, A REPAIRED ROOF, AND A NEW FENCE
AND GATES, AND SHE LIVES RENT FREE.
SAY WHAT YOU WILL, CLARENCE THOMAS
HAS WON MOTHER'S DAY. "OH, CHOCOLATE COVERED
STRAWBERRIES AGAIN? THAT'S NICE.
I HEAR MRS. THOMAS'S SON BETRAYED THE JUSTICE SYSTEM
TO GET HER A CARPORT." NOW, CROW CLAIMS THERE'S NOTHING
CORRUPT ABOUT THIS, SAYING, "MY INTENTION IS TO ONE DAY
CREATE A PUBLIC MUSEUM AT THE THOMAS HOME.
JUST A REMINDER, HARLAN CROW HAS HITLER'S NAPKINS AND A STATUE
OF STALIN IN HIS GARDEN, SO BUILDING YOU A MUSEUM?
NOT A HUGE COMPLIMENT. NOW, TECHNICALLY, THERE'S
A FEDERAL LAW THAT REQUIRES JUSTICES TO DISCLOSE THE DETAILS
OF REAL ESTATE SALES OVER $1,000, BUT THOMAS
NEVER DISCLOSED THIS SALE. HOWEVER, NOW THAT EVERYONE KNOWS
ABOUT IT, CLARENCE THOMAS SAYS HE WILL AMEND HIS FINANCIAL
DISCLOSURE FORMS TO REFLECT THE SALE.
WHAT? YOU DON'T GET TO JUST MAKE GOOD
AFTER YOU'VE BEEN CAUGHT! "ALL RIGHT, YOU CAUGHT ME.
I STABBED HIM. BUT WATCH AS I TAKE THE KNIFE
OUT OF HIS CHEST AND PUT IT BACK IN THE DRAWER.
NOW, GIVE ME THOSE STABBING DISCLOSURE FORMS.
HOLD ON. STAB,
STAB, STABBITY STAB."
YESTERDAY, CROW DID AN INTERVIEW AND GAVE HIS SIDE OF THE STORY,
TELLING THE REPORTER, "I HAVE TO SET THE RECORD
STRAIGHT." ADDING, "BUT BEFORE I DO,
I MUST TELL YOU, I ALSO BOUGHT YOUR MOTHER'S HOUSE!"
CROW EXPLAINED HOW THE TWO PALS MET.
CROW WAS IN D.C., WHERE HE GOT WORD FROM SOME EXECUTIVE PALS
OF HIS THAT THOMAS NEEDED TO GO TO TEXAS FOR A SPEAKING
ENGAGEMENT, SO HE OFFERED HIM A RIDE
ON HIS PRIVATE JET, AND, AS CROW EXPLAINS,
"DURING THAT FLIGHT, WE FOUND OUT WE WERE KIND OF SIMPATICO.
WE'RE THE SAME AGE. WE GREW UP IN THE SAME ERA.
WE COME FROM ABSOLUTELY POLAR OPPOSITE LIFE STORIES,
BUT WE HAD A LOT IN COMMON." IT'S A HEARTWARMING AMERICAN
STORY. EVEN THOUGH TWO PEOPLE MIGHT
HAVE TOTALLY OPPOSITE BACKGROUNDS, THEY CAN STILL COME
TOGETHER IN THE SKY TO ENJOY HONEY ROAST PEANUTS ON
HIMMLER'S SNACK TRAY. WHEN THE REPORTER ASKED,
"DID HE EVER CONSIDER HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH THOMAS
AS A TICKET TO QUID PRO QUO?" CROW SAID,
"EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP, A BABY'S RELATIONSHIP TO HIS
MOM, HAS SOME KIND OF RECIPROCITY."
NO, NO, NO. HE'S RIGHT.
YEAH, IT'S JUST LIKE A BABY. CLARENCE THOMAS IS SUCKING ON
HIS MONEY TEAT. THIS WEEKEND.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THIS WEEKEND, THE NRA HOSTED
THEIR ANNUAL CONVENTION IN INDIANAPOLIS.
ONE OF THE SPEAKERS WAS SOUTH DAKOTA GOVERNOR AND
"YELLOWSTONE" EXTRA DISTRACTED BY TWO HORSES HAVING SEX,
KRISTI NOEM. NOEM WANTED TO ASSURE THE
AUDIENCE THAT IT'S NEVER TOO EARLY TO GET YOUR KIDS
EXCITED ABOUT PACKING HEAT. DID YOU KNOW THAT
I'M ALSO A GRANDMOTHER? NOT JUST ONCE,
BUT TWICE. HAVE TWO BEAUTIFUL
GRANDCHILDREN. LITTLE MISS ADDIE,
WHO IS ALMOST TWO, AND BRANCH, WHO IS JUST A FEW MONTHS OLD,
THEY HAVE BROUGHT US SO MUCH JOY.
NOW ADDIE, WHO, YOU KNOW, SOON WILL NEED THEM, I WANT TO
REASSURE YOU, SHE ALREADY HAS A SHOTGUN, AND SHE ALREADY HAS
A RIFLE. Stephen: A TODDLER
WITH A SHOTGUN AND A RIFLE. THAT'S THE REALLY TERRIBLE TWOS.
NOEM WANTED TO MAKE SURE EVERYBODY KNEW ABOUT ONE OF
THE NRA'S GREATEST STRENGTHS: DIVERSITY.
THE MEDIA WOULD HAVE US BELIEVE THAT THE NRA IS ONLY
MADE UP OF OLD WHITE GUYS. AND ALL OF YOU OLD WHITE GUYS
CAN BE PROUD AND RAISE YOUR HANDS.
BUT THERE'S A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE.
A LOT OF DIVERSITY WITHIN THE NRA.
Stephen: I CAN'T BEAT THAT. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW
FOR YOU TONIGHT. MY GUESTS ARE JOSH GROBAN
AND EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR SHERYL LEE RALPH.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, MELANIA TRUMP!
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ Stephen: PLEASE SAY HELLO
TO "THE LATE SHOW" BAND. THIS VERY EVENING, MY FRIENDS,
THIS VERY EVENING WE HAVE TWO GOLDEN THROATED PERFORMANCE
VIRGO PERFORMERS OUT HERE. THE ONE, THE ONLY MR. JOSH
GROBAN. HE IS ON BROADWAY IN "SWEENEY
TODD." SHIRLEY RALPH IS OUT HERE FROM
"ABBOTT ELEMENTARY." SHE SANGHA HER AND
ME WE'VE HEARD VERY LITTLE FROM FORMER FIRST LADY MELANIA BUT
LATELY HER NAME HAS BEEN BACK IN THE NEWS.
THOUGH MOSTLY JUST HER NAME. BECAUSE SHE WAS NOTABLY ABSENT
FROM BOTH HER HUSBAND'S ARRAIGNMENT IN NEW YORK
AS WELL AS FROM HIS SPEECH THAT NIGHT AT MAR-A-LAGO.
AND REPORTS SAY THAT MELANIA HAS BEEN SO RELUCTANT TO RE-ENTER
PUBLIC LIFE THAT THE FORMER PRESIDENT HAD TO BEG HER
TO BE SEEN IN PUBLIC WITH HIM. YOU KNOW IT'S SERIOUS.
USUALLY HE ONLY BEGS FOR 11,000 MORE VOTES IN GEORGIA.
BUT, ON EASTER SUNDAY, SHE DID FINALLY MAKE AN APPEARANCE
WITH THE EX-PRESIDENT, HAVING A VERY PUBLIC BRUNCH
WITH HIM AT MAR-A-LAGO. IT'S AN EASTER MIRACLE!
THE MARRIAGE HAS RISEN, OR THE CHECK HAS CLEARED.
AS YOU CAN SEE, THEIR TABLE WAS ROPED OFF.
BUT IT'S UNCLEAR IF THAT WAS TO KEEP PEOPLE AWAY OR
TO PREVENT HER FROM FLEEING. AND NOW THERE ARE CONFLICTING
REPORTS OUT THERE ABOUT HOW SUPPORTIVE MELANIA INTENDS TO BE
TOWARD HER HUSBAND DURING HIS LEGAL FIGHTS
AND RE-ELECTION CAMPAIGN. ONE INSIDER CLAIMS, "MELANIA IS
NOT NOW OR HASN'T RECENTLY TAKEN PART IN HER HUSBAND'S POLITICAL
EVENTS. I'S NOT COMFORTABLE FOR HER."
MEANWHILE, ANOTHER SOURCE SAYS "THEY HAD A MAJOR TALK
AND SHE HAS AGREED TO BE ON BOARD."
IT SEEMS CONTRADICTORY, UNLESS THEY MEANT "ON BOARD" A PLANE
BACK TO SLOVENIA. SO HERE'S THE THING,
WILL MELANIA BE STANDING BY HER HUSBAND?
AND WILL SHE START APPEARING IN PUBLIC AGAIN?
HERE TO TELL US, IN PUBLIC-- LIVE FROM MAR-A-LAGO--
IS THE FORMER FIRST LADY! GREAT TO SEE YOU
AGAIN, MADAM FIRST LADY. I HAVE NEVER "BE BEST"
BETTER, STEPHEN. YOU CAN SEE HOW HAPPY I AM
FROM THE SMILE ON MY FACE. Stephen: OKAY.
SO YOU'VE BEEN ENJOYING LIFE OUTSIDE THE WHITE HOUSE?
ABSOLUTELY, IT IS SO GOOD TO GET AWAY FROM WASHINGTON
AND GET BACK TO NORMAL LIFE: SPENDING TIME WITH MY FAMILY,
ENJOYING ROPED-OFF BRUNCHES AT MY LIVE-IN GOLF PRISON
AND DISPOSING OF TOP SECRET DOCUMENTS.
Stephen: THAT LOOKS... LOOKS FIBROUS.
YOU CAN REALLY TASTE THE NATIONAL SECURITY.
Stephen: NOW, MADAM FIRST LADY, I KNOW THE TOPIC
MAY BE JUST A LITTLE SENSITIVE, BUT I HAVE TO ASK YOU
ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND'S ARREST. OH, STEPHEN, I JUST HATE
HEARING THAT WORD. Stephen: ARREST?
NO. "HUSBAND."
[GAGS] Stephen: OKAY, ALL RIGHT,
[GAGS] Stephen: TO THAT POINT,
SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT YOU NOT APPEARING IN NEW YORK
DURING YOUR HUSBAND'S ARRAIGNMENT IS A SIGN THAT YOU
DON'T SUPPORT HIM IN HIS LEGAL FIGHT.
LIES, STEPHEN! WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE AROUND
ALL THOSE GLAMOROUS NEW YORKERS WHEN I CAN BE DOWN HERE WATCHING
RETIRED ORTHODONTISTS PLAY PICKLEBALL?
Stephen: OKAY. BUT THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU ATTEND
THE EVENT HE HAD RIGHT THERE AT MAR-A-LAGO?
I WAS THERE, STEPHEN! BUT NOBODY SAW ME
BECAUSE, DURING HIS SPEECH, I HAPPENED TO BE
IN THE BATHROOM. Stephen: YOU WERE USING
THE BATHROOM FOR THE ENTIRETY OF HIS THIRTY MINUTE SPEECH?
WHAT? IF HE CAN SPEND HALF AN HOUR
SPEWING CRAP, THEN SO CAN I. UP TOP!
Stephen: WOW. MOVING ON.
THIS CASE MUST BE DIFFICULT FOR YOU, MADAM FIRST LADY,
SINCE IT INVOLVES YOUR HUSBAND'S AFFAIR
WITH STORMY DANIELS. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT HER?
HONESTLY, I FEEL BAD FOR THAT WOMAN:
STRUMMY DANUBE. I KNOW WHAT SHE'S BEEN THROUGH.
WORST 90 SECONDS OF YOUR LIFE. Stephen: BUT STILL, HAVING
YOUR HUSBAND GET ARRESTED MUST HAVE BEEN PRETTY STRESSFUL
FOR YOU. SO STRESSFUL!
TO STAY CALM, I HAVE HAD TO PRACTICE MINDFUL BREATHING
EXERCISES. INHALE.
EXHALE. [NOISEMAKER TRUMPETING]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Stephen: MADAME FIRST LADY,
READING BETWEEN READING BETWEEN THE LINES HERE,
I GET THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU ARE NOT SUPPORTING YOUR HUSBAND
THROUGH HIS LEGAL ISSUES AND RE-ELECTION CAMPAIGN.
WHAAAT? NO.
STEPHEN! NO.
WHAAAT? AND FURTHERMORE,
WHAAT? NO!
Stephen: SO WE CAN EXPECT TO SEE YOU OUT CAMPAIGNING
FOR HIM DURING THIS ELECTION CYCLE?
OH, ABSOLUTELY! WE WILL BE GOING TO ALL THE
BATTLEGROUND STATES. WHEN HE GOES TO IOWA,
I GO TO NEW HAMPSHIRE. WHEN HE GOES TO NEW
HAMPSHIRE, I GO TO PENNSYLVANIA. Stephen: AND IF HE GOES TO
JAIL? I GO TO VEGAS, BABY!
COME ON, MAMA NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF STILETTOS!
[NOISEMAKER HONKS] Stephen: THE FORMER FIRST
LADY, EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH JOSH GROBAN.
♪ ♪ Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
FOLKS, MY FRIENDS, MY FIRST GUEST IS A TONY AND
GRAMMY-NOMINATED SINGER AND ACTOR WHO'S SOLD OVER
30 MILLION RECORDS WORLDWIDE. NOW HE'S BACK ON BROADWAY
AS THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET IN "SWEENEY TODD."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," JOSH GROBAN.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HEY.
Josh: HELLO. Stephen: ICU.
Josh: GOOD TO SEE YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME.
Stephen: HAVE-NOTS HAD TO TALK WITH YOU IN PERSON IN A
MINUTE OR TWO AS I HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE TO THANK YOU PUBLICLY.
LAST YEAR YOU AND SARAH BARELA'S TO THE SONG IN CELEBRATION OF
THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY OF MY BEN & JERRY'S CHERRY ICE CREAM.
Josh: WHAT SONG. Stephen: AMAZING
ARRANGEMENT BY LOUIS. LET'S SHOW A CLIP.
♪ ♪ ♪ ALL THOSE OTHER SECRET
THINGS WHICH I CANNOT SAY ♪
Josh: OH, YEAH. StSTILL WHAT AN HONOR.
I'VE JUST GOTTEN THAT MELODY OUT OF MY HEAD THREE DAYS AGO AND
NOW BACK. Stephen: YOU'RE NEVER GOING
TO GET THESE MELODIES OUT OF YOUR HEAD BECAUSE YOU ARE BACK
ON BROADWAY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
"SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET."
2016, NATASHA PIERRE THE GREAT COMET OF 1812.
HIS FEEDBACK ON BROADWAY LIKE RIDING A BIKE?
Josh: YOU RELY ON MUSCLE MEMORY ALONG.
IT'S AN AMAZING THING AFTER TOURING AND BEING IN VARIOUS
VENUES. YOU ARE INVITING PEOPLE TO YOUR
SPACE AND YOUR ENERGY EVERY NIGHT TO CONTINUE TO TELL A
STORY. FOR ME I HAVE LOVED THE SHOW
SINCE I WAS VERY, VERY LITTLE. TO HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO GIVE
THIS SHOW TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE SEEN IT 50 TIMES.
WE HAVE SUCH AN INCREDIBLE CAST. ANNALEIGH ASHFORD.
LOTS OF YOUNG FANS FOR THEM IN THE AUDIENCE WHO HAVE NEVER SEEN
TODD BEFORE AND YOU CAN HEAR THE VERBAL CLUTCHING OF PEARLS.
THE TWISTS AND TURNS OF THE SH SHOW, I ASSUME EVERYBODY HAS
SEEN T AND KNOW WHAT HAPPENS. BUT YOU HEAR THE "GASP."
Stephen: A BIT OF A DARK TALE.
I DON'T WANT TO GIVE AWAY TOO MUCH FOR THE PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T
SEEN IT YET WHO MIGHT WANT TO CLUTCH THEIR PEARLS WHEN THEY
GET THERE. HAVE YOU LOST YOUR TASTE FOR
MEAT PIES YET? Josh: WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT
OUR MEAT PIES IN THIS PARTICULAR PRODUCTION IS AND I AM A
PESCATARIAN AND ANNALEIGH ASHFORD IS GLUTEN-FREE SO THEY
BAKED US SPECIFIC, VERY L.A. MEAT PIES FOR US WITH VEGAN,
GLUTEN-FREE FLOUR. THESE ARE, THESE PIES ARE
DISGUSTING. Stephen: THAT SOUNDS DRIVE.
I DON'T KNOW WHY THAT SOUNDS DRY TO ME.
Josh: VERY DRY AND CRUMBLY. SHE GIVES ME A PIE IN ONE OF THE
SCENES TO EAT IF SHE IS SAYING ABOUT HOW DISGUSTING THE PIE IS
IN ITS METHOD. IT'S DISGUSTING.
DOES A LOT OF THINGS, HARD THINGS I HAVE TO DO IN THE SHOW
BUT I HAVE TO TAKE A BITE OF THIS DISGUSTING CRUMBLY FLAKY
PIE AND I HAVE TO SOMEHOW GET IT DOWN AND THEN I HAVE TO SING A
BALLAD CALLED "MY FRIENDS." A BEAUTIFUL, SOARING BALLAD WITH
FLAKY CRUMBS ON MY VOCAL CORDS. Stephen: NOT A SPOT OF
MOISTURE IN YOUR MOUTH. Josh: YOU SPENT SO MUCH
TIME BACKSTAGE WARMING UP YOUR VOICE AND THEN IT ALL GOES TO
HELL. Stephen: YOU RECENTLY, IT'S
A GREAT PHOTOGRAPH, YOU GOT TOGETHER WITH OTHERS.
SWEENEYS TO CELEBRATE STEPHEN SONDHEIM'S BIRTHDAY.
Josh: HAD TO PUT OUR SCHEDULES AND IN THE DAY THAT IT
LINED UP FOR US TO ALL BE AVAILABLE HAPPENED TO LAND ON
SONDHEIM'S BIRTHDAY. MICHAEL AND NORM.
Stephen: TALKING TO THESE FELLOWS, ESPECIALLY LEN, IS
THERE ANYTHING THEY IMPARTED OUT THE DEMON BARBER THAT WAS USEFUL
TO YOU? Josh: EACH ONE GAVE A
UNIQUE AND INCREDIBLE TAKE ON THE ROLE OF THAT'S INCREDIBLE
THING ABOUT CARRYING THE TORCH AND HOLDING ONTO IT AND KEEPING
IT LEAKED UNTIL THE NEXT AMAZING PRODUCTION OF IT.
MICHAEL GAVE ME SOME INCREDIBLE ADVICE, I HAVE A LOT OF BLOOD ON
ME AT SOME POINT IN THE SHOW INSTANTLY BY THE END, I HAVE
KILLED PEOPLE, EVEN PEOPLE. Stephen: SPOILER ALERT.
Josh: HE IS A DEMON BARBER. IT'S FINE.
WASH IT OFF BEFORE YOU GO HOME, IN ALL THE WAYS WASH IT OFF.
IT'S A BIG ROLE, DARK ROLE, THERE'S A LOT THAT YOU ARE
TAKING ON. METAPHORICALLY, WASH IT OFF.
Stephen: DON'T GO HOME AND SLID PEOPLE'S THROATS.
WE DO SOME ROLLS IT'S OKAY, I IMAGINE GOING HOME AFTER "THE
MUSIC MAN" WAS A DELIGHT. Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE JOSH GROBAN,
EVERYBODY. STICK AROUND
Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. LOOK AT THAT.
IT IS THE STAR OF "SWEENEY TODD."
ON BROADWAY AT THE LUNT-FONTANNE THEATRE.
JOSH GROBAN. AFTER SPENDING SO MUCH TIME WITH
SONDHEIM'S INCREDIBLE WORDS AND MUSIC, SADLY WE LOST
STEPHEN SONDHEIM DURING COVID, ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO ASK HIM,
ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS WORK? Josh: SONDHEIM LOVED SEEING
HIS WORK INTERPRETED AND DONE. HE ALWAYS HAD A LIGHT IN HIS EYE
WHENEVER HE WOULD TALK ABOUT A PRODUCTION SOMEWHERE THAT WAS
GOING TO DO ONE OF HIS WORKS. WE FELT VERY, VERY GRATEFUL THAT
HE KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN AND HE WAS EXCITED THAT WE WERE
DOING IT AND HE PASSED AWAY SADLY TWO DAYS BEFORE OUR FIRST
MUSIC REHEARSAL, OVER A YEAR AGO NOW.
Stephen: DID YOU EVER HAVE A CHANCE TO PERFORM HIS STUFF IN
FRONT OF HIM? Josh: YES, I WAS VERY LUCKY
TO HAVE HAD A FRIENDSHIP WITH HIM AND I GOT TO SING FOR HIM.
I WAS VERY FORTUNATE TO RIDE ON THE COATTAILS OF THE LATE GREAT
BARBARA COOK WHO INVITED ME. SHE KNEW I WAS A BIG FAN.
INVITED ME TO SING WITH HER AT THE MET HERE IN NEW YORK AND WE
SANG "MOVE ON." FROM SUNDAY IN THE PARK.
STEPHEN WAS OUT THERE AND I DIDN'T KNOW AND SHE SAID
SONDHEIM WAS OUT THERE AND HE SAID IT WAS REALLY, REALLY
BEAUTIFUL. WHAT?
HE DID? AND THEN I GOT INVITED TO SING
AT A BIRTHDAY FOR HIM AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL.
THAT'S WHEN I GOT THE HUG. AND CALL ME STEVE.
THAT WAS A BIG MOMENT. GETTING TO MEET HIM WAS THE
BEST. Stephen: I WANT TO ASK YOU
ABOUT THIS RIGHT HERE. THIS IS A GREAT PHOTOGRAPH.
PERFORMING "THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER"
OUTSIDE. IT'S VERY LARGE ASSEMBLY
BUILDING. Josh: YES, THE LARGEST
DOUBLE DOORS IN THE WORLD. Stephen: KENNEDY SPACE
CENTER. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?
Josh: GETTING ALLERGIES. STANDING IN A FIELD.
GOSH, WE TAPED IT WITH THE ARTEMIS 1 LAUNCH WAS THE ONE--
THE UNCREWED MISSION. I AM A SPACE NOT PAID WHEN THEY
ASKED ME IF I WOULD FILM THE NATIONAL HINT THEM AND SEND IT
FROM HOME, IF I GET A TICKET TO, THE COOLEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I WENT IN THE BUILDING. WE WENT IN AND THE ROCKET WAS IN
THE BUILDING. I GET A WEIRD FEELING WHERE I
SEE LARGE THINGS BUT THEY SHOULDN'T BE.
WHEN I SEE A SHIPWRECK UNDERWATER, THE WEIRD FEELING,
YOU GET TOO CLOSE TO THE STATUE OF LIBERTY.
IT'S WEIRD. I'M THE ONLY ONE.
IT'S OKAY. SEEING THAT ROCKET IN THE HANGAR
WHICH IS ONE OF THE TALLEST FREESTANDING BUILDINGS IN THE
WORLD, IT WAS REMARKABLE. WATCHING IT, THEY ASKED IF I
WANTED TO LIVE ON THE DAY AND I'M GLAD THAT WE PRETAPED TO
BECAUSE THEY DELAYED IT EIGHT TIMES.
I WATCHED THE LAUNCH ON TV. Stephen: WOULDN'T YOU WANT
TO BE THERE? Josh: THAT IS NEXT ON MY
BUCKET LIST. Stephen: THE BIG ROCKETS,
NOT THE LOW EARTH ORBIT STUFF. I HEAR THAT YOU FEEL IN YOUR
CHEST. Josh: BEFORE THEY PUT THE
ROCKET ON, I GOT TO TAKE IT TOUR OF THE FLAME TRENCH WHERE THE
FIRE GOES. ISN'T THAT OMINOUS?
Stephen: WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THE FLAME TRENCH?
Josh: THE GUY WHO WAS GIVING THE TOUR SAID WE LOSE
ABOUT A THOUSAND BIRDS EVERY TIME WE LAUNCH ONE OF THESE.
NO! Stephen: NO!
Josh: I THINK HE WAS KIDDING.
Stephen: LET'S SAY HE WAS KIDDING.
Josh: NOBODY SURVIVES THE FLAME TRENCH.
Stephen: WE THROW CORN IN THERE BEFOREHAND.
SO WHAT SAY WHEN THEY LAUNCH ARTEMIS 2, WE GO DOWN THERE?
Josh: I WOULD LOVE TO. I WILL GIVE YOU A TOUR OF THE
FLAME TRENCH. Stephen: I WOULD BE
HONORED. THANK YOU, JOSH.
GOOD "SWEENEY TODD" IS ON BROADWAY
TO SEE YOU. NOW AT THE LUNT-FONTANNE
THEATRE. IT'S JOSH GROBAN.
EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STAR OF
"ABBOTT ELEMENTARY," SHERYL LEE RALPH.
Stephen: SWITCH 'EM UP. WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
MY NEXT GUEST IS A TONY AWARD-NOMINATED
AND EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTRESS YOU KNOW FROM THE ORIGINAL
BROADWAY CAST OF "DREAMGIRLS" AND TV SHOWS LIKE "MOESHA"
AND "ABBOTT ELEMENTARY." OH, EXCUSE ME.
ARE THERE ANY PRIVATE QUARTERS? SPEAK WE'VE GOT KIDS BY THE
TRAIN AND THE MAP ROOM. THE ONE PLACE THIS EMPTIES THE
GALAXY ROOM ALTHOUGH I CAN FEEL KIND OF CREEPY AND THERE AT
NIGHT. THAT'S PERFECT.
DON'T LISTEN TO THIS CLOWN. SHE IS NOT FROM PHILLY.
DOESN'T PRECLUDE ME FROM KNOWING THE LAYOUT OF THE
MUSEUM? PROBABLY.
WHAT'S THE MATTER? YOU DON'T WANT TO SLEEP IN HERE
WITH US? I DO BUT I NEED SPACE TO CALL
MY KIDS DOWN. MY KIDS AND HALF THE SCHOOL IS
TRAUMATIZED. Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME
TO "THE LATE SHOW," SHERYL LEE RALPH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪
Sheryl Lee: ! THANK YOU.
OH, MY GOD, HI. THANK YOU.
Stephen: YOU ARE LOVELY DANCER AND YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
Sheryl Lee: HAVE A SEAT. Sheryl Lee: THINK YOU.
Stephen: SO NICE TO MEET YOU.
I AND EVERYBODY AT THE SHOW WHO WAS AT THE EMMYs LOVED YOUR
SPEECH. HERE YOU ARE WINNING THE EMMY
FOR YOUR ROLE ON "ABBOTT ELEMENTARY."
FUN, BIG NIGHT, PARTIES, MORE FUN TO GO TO THE PARTIES NEW
HAVE AN EMMY IN YOUR HAND BUT I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE TO GET UP
REALLY EARLY THE NEXT MORNING AND GO TO WORK ON "ABBOTT
ELEMENTARY" AGAIN. Sheryl Lee: WE HAD TO BE
ABOUT 5:00 AND WORK AT 7:00 AND THAT WAS LATE.
I WAS LIKE, COME ON, YOU ALL. REALLY?
MOTHER IS TIRED. BUT OH, MY GOSH, WHAT A NIGHT
THAT WAS. I WAS IN HEAVEN THE WHOLE TIME.
Stephen: DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU WERE GOING TO BURST INTO
SONG WHEN YOU WENT UP THERE? Sheryl Lee: I WAS SO IN
SHOCK. I WAS SO NERVOUS.
I WAS LITERALLY SHAKING. I COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT WHEN
AMY POEHLER SAID SHERYL LEE RALPH.
I WAS LIKE OH! OH!
AND I LOST IT. I LOST IT.
Stephen: IT WAS AN EARLY MORNING BUT YOU HAD A LOVELY,
JUST A MODEST BOUQUET OF FLOWERS SENT OVER BY OPRAH FOR YOU.
WHAT TO DO WITH THAT? SPEAK TO YOU ALL, I HAVE TO TELL
YOU SOMETHING. YOU SEE THAT?
IT TOOK A FLATBED TO BRING THE FLOWERS ON.
IT TOOK FOUR MEN AND A TRUCK TO GET THE FLOWERS TO MY HOUSE.
IF I DIDN'T HAVE WIDE DOORS AT MY HOUSE, THEY WOULD BE SITTING
OUT ON THE FRONT CURB. SO IT WAS JUST AN AMAZING
MOMENT. THERE WAS NO WAY TO LIFT IT.
IT MUST HAVE WEIGHED AT LEAST 100 POUNDS.
AT 100 POUNDS OF FLOWERS. IT WAS CRAZY.
THANK YOU, OPRAH. Stephen: I'VE GOT TO ASK
YOU SOMETHING, ASK YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THE ROLE, WC FIELDS, THE
GREAT SAID FAMOUSLY, NEVER WORK WITH ANIMALS OR CHILDREN.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT AS SOMEONE WHO WORKS WITH CHILDREN
ON A DAILY BASIS? Sheryl Lee: I HAVE TO SAY
HE IS WRONG. WHEN YOU WORK WITH CHILDREN, YOU
ALWAYS GO HOME AT A DECENT HOUR. Stephen: OH, THAT'S RIGHT,
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU MAKE THE BREAK.
Sheryl Lee: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.
WHEN IT COMES TO ANIMALS, I LOVE ANIMALS VERY MUCH.
BUT YOU HAVE TO TRAIN ANIMALS. CHILDREN ARE SOMETIMES LIKE
LITTLE PUPPIES. IF YOU DO NOT TRAIN THEM, THEY
WILL MESS UP ON THE CARPET. Stephen: WANTS HER
RELATIONSHIP WITH THESE KIDS? YOU'VE GOT THE SAME KIDS OVER
AND OVER AGAIN? Sheryl Lee: THESE KIDS ARE
SO SWEET, SO BRIGHT, SO SMART. WHEN I ENTER MY CLASSROOM I KNOW
THAT I'M LOOKING AT THE NEXT GENERATIONS OF SHOW BUSINESS.
THEY ARE THAT SMART. THEY ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS.
BUT THEY REALLY BELIEVE I'M THEIR TEACHER.
YEAH, AND THEY ARE LIKE KIDS AND THEY WANT TO KNOW, OKAY, WHAT'S
IN CLASS TODAY? WHEN I GIVE THEM THEIR
ASSIGNMENTS TO KEEP THEM BUSY WHILE I'M DOING MY JOB, THEY
WANT TO FILL IT ALL IN AND THEN THEY ARE LIKE, MRS. HOWARD, HERE
IS MY PAPER. IT'S LIKE, I WANT TO SAY THEY
BECOME OF THIS IS MS. RALPH. I AM TRYING TO DO MY JOB, SO SH
SHH. BUT I HAVE THE BEST CLASS.
EVERYBODY SAYS YOUR CLASSES SO WELL BEHAVED.
I SAY HONEY, IT'S MY CLASS. Stephen: IN ADDITION TO THE
EMMY, THIS IS A GREAT PHOTOGRAPH, YOU RECEIVED THE
ORDER OF JAMAICA. Sheryl Lee: YES.
Stephen: I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU HAD JAMAICAN ROOTS.
Sheryl Lee: YES. MY MOM WAS FROM JAMAICA.
SHE LOVED HER COUNTRY, OR ISLAND.
SHE CAME HERE TO FIND HER AMERICAN DREAM.
SHE MET MY DAD, AND HERE I AM. Stephen: AND THERE YOU ARE.
Sheryl Lee: AND MY NAME CHANGES, SOME PEOPLE HAVE H.R.
AGE, HER ROYAL HIGHNESS, I AM NOW THE HONORABLE TH
SHERYL LEE RALPH O.J. ORDER OF JAMAICA, SORT OF LIKE BEING DAME
DJUDI DENCH.THANK YOU. Stephen: YOUR BOOK, AN
UPDATED PUBLISHED MEMOIR. DEVO 2.0.
IN THE INTRO, YOU CALL YOURSELF THE ULTIMATE DIVA.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Sheryl Lee: DIVINELY
INSPIRED VICTORIOUSLY ALIVE, OR WHERE, AWESOME, AUDACIOUS, AND
IT WAS SUNDAY, WE WOULD BE ANOINTED!
YES! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
YES! Stephen: IT SAYS 12 LIFE
LESSONS FROM ME TO YOU. CAN YOU SHARE ONE?
ANOINT US. Sheryl Lee: I ALWAYS HAVE
TO SAY TO PEOPLE COMING OF THE BEST LESSON, THE BEST
RELATIONSHIP YOU WILL EVER HAVE IN LIFE IS THE ONE THAT YOU HAVE
WITH YOURSELF. YES, IT'S THE TRUTH.
YOU GET UP IN THE MORNING, LOOK IN THE MIRROR, AND START
PRACTICING LOVING WHAT YOU SEE. BECAUSE YOU ARE WONDERFUL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Stephen: I LIKE THAT.
WHO IS THE MOST DIVA DIVA YOU EVER KNEW?
Sheryl Lee: I'VE MET SO MANY.
I HAVE. Stephen: NOT IN THE MIRROR,
SOMEONE NOT IN THE MIRROR. Sheryl Lee: OKAY.
IF I WERE TO THINK BACK, I WENT TO CANNES FOR A FILM FESTIVAL
AND THERE WAS A PARTY FOR GREGORY PECK AND I MET GREGORY
PECK WHO WAS SO TALL AND HANDSOME, JUST WONDERFUL.
HE WAS NOT A DIVA BUT IN THE ROOM WAS NINA SIMONE, AND I
REMEMBER BEING STUNNED THAT I WAS IN THE SAME ROOM WITH THIS
AMAZING WOMAN. I WENT UP TO HER AND I SAID
"YOU'RE NINA SIMONE. "SHE TURNED AND SHE SAID "WHY
YES, I AM." I WAS LIKE OH, DIVA, YES.
SHE KNEW WHO I WAS. SHE KNEW ABOUT "DREAMGIRLS."
WE TALKED. I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT MOMENT.
I WAS IN THE COMPANY OF NOT JUST GREGORY PECK BUT NINA SIMONE
TOO. IT WAS GREAT.
Stephen: WE ARE ALL FANS AND WE WERE ALL PARTICULAR FANS
OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL SPEECH AT THE EMMYS.
WE ARE NOT OPRAH BUT WE WANTED TO GIVE YOU OUR OWN
CONGRATULATORY BOUQUET. CONGRATULATIONS, DIVA.
"A "ABBOTT ELEMENTARY'S"
SEASON 2 FINALE AIRS WEDNESDAY ON ABC.
SHERYL LEE RALPH, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE WOODY HARRELSON
AND JUSTIN THEROUX. AND MR. MIXAPLIX.
STICK AROUND FOR JAMES. GOOD NIGHT!