FOX NEWS HOST TUCKER CARLSON AIRED PREVIOUSLY UNSEEN VIDEO OF
THE ASSAULT ON THE CAPITOL ON HIS SHOW LAST NIGHT.
WHAT CARLSON DID IS USE SELECTED CLIPS FROM SURVEILLANCE TAPES
PROVIDED TO HIM BY HOUSE SPEAKER KEVIN McCARTY TO CLAIM FALSELY
THAT JOURNALISTS AND LAWMAKERS LIED ABOUT THE JANUARY 6 ATTACK
ON THE CAPITOL. CARLSON CALLED JANUARY 6
"MOSTLY PEACEFUL AND MEEK WITH A SMALL PERCENT THAT
WAS VIOLENT." HE SHOWED LIMITED, EDITED
FOOTAGE MONDAY NIGHT ON HIS PROGRAM.
AND NOW... TUCKER CARLSON PRESENTS "JAWS."
WE WANTED TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE OCEAN.
THANKS TO THE NEW REPUBLICAN SPEAKER'S OFFICE, WE GAINED
ACCESS TO THOUSANDS OF HOURS OF SURVEILLANCE VIDEO THAT HELP
ANSWER THAT QUESTION. IT DOES PROVE BEYOND DOUBT
THAT DEMOCRATS IN CONGRESS LIED ABOUT THE SO-CALLED SHARK
ATTACK. AND ONCE YOU SEE THE VIDEO,
YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHY. WATCH.
♪ BABY SHARK, DOO-DOO, DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO ♪
♪ BABY SHARK ♪ THAT'S WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.
Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT... SHUT THE TUCK UP!
FIRST, STEPHEN WELCOMES... JAMES TAYLOR.
AND EVA LONGORIA. FEATURING LOUIS CATO
AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND. AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE
FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY,
IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Stephen: PLEASE MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.
I MISSED THIS LAST NIGHT. HAPPY TUESDAY.
HAPPY TUESDAY, TUESDAY. THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.
HEY, EVERYBODY! PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WELCOME, ONE AND ALL,
IN HERE, OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE WORLD.
I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. THANKS IN LARGE PART OF THE
FORMER PRESIDENT, THERE'S A WHOLE INDUSTRY OF PEOPLE WHO
MAKE A GOOD LIVING TRYING TO MAKE YOU THINK YOU'RE INSANE.
WELL, I MAKE A VERY GOOD LIVING REMINDING YOU THAT YOU'RE NOT.
NOW, YOU'D THINK THAT ONCE THE PEOPLE GASLIGHTING YOU HAVE BEEN
REVEALED TO BE LIARS, SAY, IN MULTIPLE TEXT MESSAGES
IN A $1.6 BILLION COURT FILING BY DOMINION VOTING SYSTEMS,
THEY WOULD PUMP THE BRAKES. BUT APPARENTLY, SOME PEOPLE ARE
JUST ADDICTED TO BEING DICKS. CASE IN POINT.
FOX NEWS HOST AND TODDLER SUCKING ON A DOG TURD,
TUCKER CARLSON. HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.
IN ORDER TO BECOME SPEAKER, KEVIN McCARTHY HAD TO MAKE A LOT
OF STUPID PROMISES TO A LOT OF AWFUL PEOPLE, LIKE MATT GAETZ.
ONE OF THOSE PROMISES WAS TO RELEASE 41,000 HOURS OF CAPITOL
SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE FROM THE JANUARY 6TH RIOT, BECAUSE
THE FREEDOM CAUCUS HELPED CAUSE THAT MOST TRAGIC DAY IN OUR
NATION'S CAPITAL, AND THEY DESPERATELY NEED SOMEONE,
ANYONE, TO CREATE PROPAGANDA TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE IT WAS
NO BIG DEAL, SO THEY CAN STAY IN OFFICE, AND MAYBE DO
A BETTER COUP NEXT TIME? AND McCARTHY KEPT HIS PROMISE.
HE GAVE ALL THAT FOOTAGE TO TUCKER CARLSON, WHO, LAST NIGHT,
CHERRYPICKED INNOCUOUS CLIPS TO TRY TO REWRITE WHAT WE ALL SAW
HAPPENING WITH OUR OWN EYES ON JANUARY 6TH.
THEY WERE PEACEFUL. THEY WERE ORDERLY AND MEEK.
THESE WERE NOT INSURRECTIONISTS.
THEY WERE SIGHTSEERS. Stephen: SIGHTSEERS?
SIGHTSEERS, REALLY? "GRAB A ROCK, HONEY.
WE'RE GOING TO THE LOUVRE! I WANT TO PEACEFULLY SMEAR
MY CRAP ON THE MONA LISA. SEE IF SHE KEEPS SMILING
AFTER THAT!" HE LIED SOME MORE.
FOOTAGE FROM INSIDE THE CAPITOL OVERTURNS THE STORY
YOU HAVE HEARD ABOUT JANUARY 6TH.
PROTESTERS QUEUE UP IN NEAT LITTLE LINES.
THEY GIVE EACH OTHER TOURS OUTSIDE THE
SPEAKER'S OFFICE. THEY TAKE CHEERFUL SELFIES
AND THEY SMILE. THEY ARE NOT
DESTROYING THE CAPITOL. THEY OBVIOUSLY REVERE
THE CAPITOL. Stephen: YES, YES,
OBVIOUSLY SO MUCH THAT THEY QUEUED UP NEATLY TO SMASH THE
WINDOWS. WE ALL NUMBER THEIR CHANCE.
WAIT YOUR TURN! WAIT YOUR TURN!
Stephen: TUCKER ALSO TALKED ABOUT THE Q SHAMAN,
THE RIOTER WHO HAD THIS TO SAY ABOUT HIS OWN BEHAVIOR
ON JANUARY 6TH. HE SAID, "I WAS WRONG FOR
ENTERING THE CAPITOL. I HAVE NO EXCUSE,
NO EXCUSE WHATSOEVER. THE BEHAVIOR
IS INDEFENSIBLE." MAYBE SO, BUT TUCKER IN-DEFENDED
HIM. THE SINGLE MOST FAMOUS
PERSON ARRESTED THAT DAY WAS A NAVY VETERAN FROM ARIZONA
CALLED JACOB CHANSLEY, OFTEN REFERRED TO AS THE QANON SHAMAN.
THE TAPES SHOW THE CAPITOL POLICE NEVER STOPPED JACOB
CHANSLEY. THEY HELPED HIM.
THEY ACTED AS HIS TOUR GUIDES. Stephen: OKAY, BUT THE
CAPITOL POLICE SAID THAT THEIR OFFICER ONLY DID THAT IN ORDER
TO "DE-ESCALATE" THE SITUATION BECAUSE THE OFFICER
WAS OUTNUMBERED. EVIDENTLY, TUCKER CARLSON
HAS NEVER SEEN A HOSTAGE NEGOTIATION.
"NO ONE WAS SCARED OF THE MAN IN THE BOMB VEST.
IN FACT, OFFICIALS WERE SAYING THEY WOULD GIVE HIM WHATEVER HE
WANTS. THEY ORDERED HIM PIZZA AND GAVE
HIM A MILLION DOLLARS AND A HELICOPTER RIDE TO THE
LOCATION OF HIS CHOICE. IS THAT REALLY HOW YOU TREAT
AN ENEMY?" TUCKER ALSO TOOK ISSUE WITH THE
FOOTAGE FROM THE JANUARY 6TH COMMITTEE THAT SHOWED
SENATOR JOSH HAWLEY HAWLEY-ING ASS.
ACCORDING TO TUCKER, THAT FOOTAGE IS DECEPTIVE.
THE ACTUAL VIDEOTAPE SHOWS THAT HAWLEY WAS ONE OF MANY
LAWMAKERS BEING USHERED OUT OF THE BUILDING BY CAPITOL HILL
POLICE OFFICERS. AND IN FACT, HAWLEY WAS AT THE
BACK OF THE PACK. Stephen: I STAND CORRECTED.
JOSH HAWLEY IS NOT JUST SOME HYPOCRITICAL COWARD.
HE'S A HYPOCRITICAL COWARD WHO RUNS SLOWER THAN
70-YEAR-OLDS. AND MAY I REMIND YOU,
JUST A COUPLE. JUST A COUPLE LITTLE THINGS.
AND MAY I REMIND YOU, THOSE PEOPLE WERE ALL RUNNING
FOR THEIR LIVES FROM WHAT TUCKER DESCRIBES AS MEEK SIGHTSEERS.
IT REMINDS ME OF THE SCENE FROM LORD OF THE RINGS.
AND WE'RE WALKING, AND WE'RE STOMPING,
AND WE'RE STOMPING AND WE'RE MARCHING.
WHERE'S THE GIFT SHOP! Stephen: TUCKER'S FASCIST
FAN-BOYING WAS SUCH TRANSPARENT PROPAGANDA THAT IT DIDN'T EVEN
PLAY WELL WITH MEMBERS OF THE G.O.P.
NORTH CAROLINA SENATOR THOM TILLIS SAID OF THE REPORT.
I THINK IT'S BULL[BLEEP]. I WAS HERE.
Stephen: LANGUAGE, SENATOR. NANCY PELOSI, HOW WOULD
YOU DESCRIBE IT? THE POO POO.
Stephen: YES. A KINDER, GENTLER.
TUCKER CAN TRY TO CHANGE THE NARRATIVE ALL
HE WANTS. BUT WE ALL KNOW WHAT WE SAW
THAT DAY. INCLUDING THE MAN WHO CYNICALLY
HANDED OVER THIS FOOTAGE, KEVIN McCARTHY.
HERE'S McCARTHY CALLING INTO FOX NEWS ON JANUARY 6TH.
FIRST OF ALL, THIS IS SO UN-AMERICAN.
I CONDEMN ANY OF THIS VIOLENCE THAT'S HAPPENING IN THE CAPITOL
RIGHT NOW. ANYONE INVOLVED IN THIS,
IF YOU'RE HEARING ME, HEAR ME VERY LOUD AND CLEAR, THIS IS NOT
THE AMERICAN WAY. PEOPLE ARE BEING HURT.
PEOPLE-- PEOPLE ARE BEING--
PEOPLE ARE BEING HURT, THERE'S BEEN SHOTS THAT HAVE
BEEN FIRED, THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.
I WATCHED BARRIERS BEING BROKEN. I WATCHED PEOPLE BREAKING
WINDOWS. I WATCHED PEOPLE RUNNING
INTO A BUILDING. YOU DO NOT DO WHAT
IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. Stephen: I'M SORRY, I'M BEING
TOLD WE HAVE TUCKER'S EDIT OF MCCARTHY'S PHONE CALL.
FIRST OF ALL, THIS IS SO AMERICAN.
HEAR ME VERY LOUD AND CLEAR, PEOPLE ARE BEING ACCEPTABLE.
SHOTS. SHOTS.
Stephen: BABY SHARK. FOR SOMETHING THAT
TUCKER SAYS DIDN'T HAPPEN, THERE SURE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE
PLEADING GUILTY TO DOING IT. YESTERDAY THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT
ARRESTS HIT 1,000 IN CONNECTION WITH JANUARY 6TH.
THAT'S RIGHT! 1,000 ARRESTS!
JOHNNY, TELL THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WHAT THEY'VE WON!
STILL NO CONSEQUENCES FOR THE MAN WHO INCITED THE
WHOLE COUP! WE DEMAND JUSTICE!
AND A NEW DINETTE SET FROM BROYHILL.
BROYHILL: "NOTHING MEANS ANYTHING"!
BACK TO YOU, STEVE. Stephen: AND NOW THE FEDS
HAVE ARRESTED THE JANUARY 6TH RIOTER DUBBED "SPIDER-NAZI."
♪ SPIDER-NAZI ♪ SPIDER-NAZI
♪ DID A COUP ♪ AND HE GOT CAUGHT-ZI
♪ BROKE INSIDE ♪ THOUGHT HE'D GET OFF
♪ HE'S THE BUG VERSION ♪ OF ADOLF!
♪ LOOK OUT! HERE COMES THE SPIDER-NAZI! ♪
THIS DUMMY'S NAME IS BRANDON KELLY DILLARD, SEEN HERE
WITH THE ONLY WOMEN WHO'LL EVER TALK TO HIM.
THE CHARGES ARE PRETTY BAD, INCLUDING ILLEGAL ENTRY,
DISORDERLY CONDUCT, AND UTTERING "LOUD, THREATENING,
OR ABUSIVE" LANGUAGE IN THE CAPITOL BUILDING.
SPIDER NAZI WILL BE TRIED ALONGSIDE HIS FELLOW
KNOCK-OFF SUPERHEROES "CAPTAIN UN-MERICA",
AND A GROUP OF MUTANTS CALLED THE "NEVER HAD SEX MEN."
OF COURSE, THE GUY WHO INSPIRED SPIDER NAZI IS RUNNING
FOR PRESIDENT AGAIN. HE'S REPORTEDLY ALREADY EYEING
POTENTIAL RUNNING MATES, AND HE WANTS SOMEBODY WHO IS
UNFAILINGLY LOYAL AND BLAND ENOUGH THAT THEY DON'T
STEAL ANY SPOTLIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT.
BLANDER THAN MIKE PENCE. GET READY FOR HIS RUNNING MATE:
SLICE OF WET BREAD. 2024.
BUT... [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BUT THE FORMER PRESIDENT IS TRYING TO WIN OVER SUBURBAN
WHITE WOMEN, SO HE MIGHT HAVE TO GO "LADY" BLAND.
ACCORDING TO PEOPLE CLOSE TO HIM, HE'S STRONGLY
CONSIDERING PICKING A FEMALE RUNNING MATE.
AND REPORTEDLY, THE CURRENT FRONTRUNNER IS FAILED ARIZONA
GUBERNATORIAL CANDIDATE KARI LAKE, SEEN HERE WEARING
A BLOUSE SHE SHED LAST WEEK.
QUALITY JOKE. THAT'S A STROKER.
LAKE LOST HER ELECTION AND REFUSES TO ADMIT IT.
BUT SHE HAS GOT ONE WIN UNDER HER BELT.
THIS WEEKEND, SHE WON A STRAW POLL FOR THE REPUBLICAN
V.P. PICK DURING CPAC. SHE MUST HAVE BEEN SO HONORED TO
HAVE MAGA VOTERS CHOOSE HER AS THE NEXT VICE PRESIDENT THEY
TRY TO HANG. BUT LAKE FOUND A WAY TO DENY
THIS ELECTION AS WELL, SAYING THROUGH A SPOKESPERSON,
"WE'RE FLATTERED, BUT UNFORTUNATELY OUR LEGAL TEAM
SAYS THE CONSTITUTION WON'T ALLOW FOR HER TO SERVE AS
GOVERNOR AND VP AT THE SAME TIME."
THAT'S A GOOD POINT. KARI LAKE IS CURRENTLY
THE SITTING GOVERNOR OF THE STATE OF DENIAL.
SPEAKING... [APPLAUSE]
SPEAKING OF DANGEROUS IDIOTS, ELON MUSK IS STILL
RUNNING TWITTER. AND TECHNICALLY, RUNNING IT
INTO THE GROUND. BECAUSE YESTERDAY, TWITTER WAS
HIT WITH ONE OF THE BIGGEST OUTAGES SINCE MUSK TOOK OVER.
DURING THE APP-WIDE OUTAGE, USERS COULD NOT ACCESS PHOTOS
OR LINKS. THAT'S ROUGH.
EVERYONE KNOWS THE LINKS ARE THE BEST PART OF TWITTER 'CAUSE
THEY TAKE YOU AWAY FROM TWITTER. BUT TWITTER, DON'T YOU WORRY.
BACK UP NOW, AND AFTER A QUICK INVESTIGATION,
IT WAS REVEALED THAT JUST ONE ENGINEER CAUSED ALL THOSE
PROBLEMS. AND THAT PERSON IS THE LAST
REMAINING SITE RELIABILITY ENGINEER.
IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT. THERE'S ONLY ONE GUY.
WE HAVE FOOTAGE FROM INSIDE TWITTER HEADQUARTERS OF THAT
ENGINEER TRYING TO KEEP UP. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. MY GUESTS ARE JAMES TAYLOR AND
EVA LONGORIA. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK,
"MEANWHILE."
♪ ♪
Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
GIVE IT UP FOR LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND RIGHT OVER
THERE. LOUIS.
OH, LOUIS. LOUIS, WE HAVE TWO DELIGHTFUL
PEOPLE COMING BACK ON THE SHOW TONIGHT.
ONE JUST IS A LOVELY PERSON TO BE WITH, LET ALONE A GREAT
ARTIST. JAMES TAYLOR'S GOING TO BE HERE.
AND JUST AN INCREDIBLY TALENTED AND THOUGHTFUL, WELL-INFORMED
YOUNG LADY, EVA LONGORIA IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE JUST A
LITTLE WHILE TOO. FOLKS, IF YOU WATCH THE SHOW YOU
KNOW I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME IN THE NEWS KITCHEN
SIMMERING THE DAY'S FRESHEST STORY CHICKEN IN THE MOST
TOPICAL COCONUT MILK, THEN ADDING THE NEWSIEST
GALANGAL AND KAFFIR LIME LEAVES, AND A DASH OF TIPAROS NAM PLA
AND PALM SUGAR TO SERVE YOU THE PERFECTLY BALANCED TOM KHA KAI
THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES I WAKE UP IN THE
SCOOP OF A BACKHOE ON A DESERTED CONSTRUCTION SITE, TOSS IN HALF
A DISCARDED BALONEY SANDWICH AND THE SWILL FROM A CRUMPLED
CAN OF MR. PIBB INTO A CRACKED PAINT BUCKET, ADD SOME GRASS
CLIPPINGS AND LEAVE IT IN THE SUN TO OFFER YOU THE BOOTLEG
TRASH GUMBO OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT, "MEANWHILE."
A MESS. MEANWHILE, THE FILTER THROUGH
WHICH I SEE THE WORLD. MEANWHILE, THE NATIONAL
PARKS SERVICE IS WARNING THAT, DESPITE WHAT YOU MAY HAVE HEARD
IN SOME OLD JOKES, YOU SHOULD "NEVER PUSH A SLOWER FRIEND DOWN
IN A BEAR ENCOUNTER." THAT NOTICE FROM RENOWNED
WILDLIFE EXPERT, YOUR SLOWEST FRIEND.
MEANWHILE, OVER HALF A DOZEN SHEEP RECENTLY ESCAPED
A SLAUGHTERHOUSE IN NEW JERSEY. THE ESCAPE HAPPENED BECAUSE THE
OFFICIAL RESPONSIBLE FOR COUNTING THE SHEEP AT THE
SLAUGHTERHOUSE KEPT FALLING ASLEEP.
[APPLAUSE] MEANWHILE, WE ALL KNOW THAT THE
FAVORITE SENIOR PAST TIME, PICKLEBALL, IS TAKING OVER THE
COUNTRY, WHICH HAS LED TO COUNTLESS TURF BATTLES OVER
TENNIS COURT SPACE. AND NOW "THE GREAT PICKLEBALL
WAR HAS REACHED THE D.C. AREA." VIRGINIA'S ARLINGTON COUNTY
WANTS TO BUILD NINE NEW PICKLEBALL COURTS,
BUT HOMEOWNERS IN THE AREA HATE THE IDEA SO MUCH THEY'VE
STARTED DISTRIBUTING FLYERS THAT ACCUSE PICKLEBALL PLAYERS
OF "HIJACKING" TENNIS AND BASKETBALL COURTS,
"BULLYING" CHILDREN, AND URINATING IN PUBLIC.
COME ON, SENIORS! PICKLEBALL IS NOT AN EXCUSE
TO URINATE IN PUBLIC! THAT'S AQUA-ROBICS.
MEANWHILE. AFTER LEGAL CHALLENGES
BROUGHT BY SWISS CHEESEMAKERS, A U.S. COURT HAS
RULED THAT AMERICAN-MADE CHEESE CAN
BE CALLED GRUYERE. WHILE KRAFT SINGLES MUST NOW BE
CORRECTLY LABELED AS "PLASTIC BATH MAT SOAKED IN
YELLOW." MEANWHILE, WE HAVE SOME BREAKING
NEWS ABOUT THE BREAKING OF A ROYAL TRADITION.
IT'S BEEN ANNOUNCED THAT "THE HOLY ANOINTING OIL
FOR KING CHARLES III'S CORONATION WILL NOT CONTAIN THE
INTESTINAL WAX OF SPERM WHALES OR CIVET SECRETIONS."
WHAT? THAT MAKES NO SENSE!
IF A KING'S HEAD ISN'T GREASED WITH WHALE INTESTINE WAX
AND SECRETIONS FROM A NOCTURNAL TROPICAL RODENT, THEN,
I'M SORRY, BUT HEREDITARY RULERS STARTS TO SOUND KIND OF STUPID.
THE SACRED HEAD GOO TRADITIONALLY CONTAINS OIL
FROM THE GLANDS OF SMALL MAMMALS SUCH AS CIVETS,
AND AMBERGRIS, A WAXY SUBSTANCE FROM THE INTESTINES OF SPERM
WHALES THAT IS CALLED CHRISM OIL.
BUT IN THIS CASE, BUCKINGHAM PALACE IS USING A CIVET
AND WHALE-FREE ALTERNATIVE CALLED "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT
CHRISM!" WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH JAMES TAYLOR.
♪ ♪
Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WHAT A PLEASURE.
WHAT A PLEASURE FOR ME TO TELL YOU THAT MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT
IS A SIX TIME GRAMMY AWARD-WINNING ROCK 'N' ROLL
HALL OF FAMER. PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO
"THE LATE SHOW," OUR FRIEND AND YOURS, MR. JAMES TAYLOR.
♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
James: THAT'S ENCOURAGING. Stephen: VERY NICE.
NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. James: YOU'RE THE MAN.
Stephen: LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE, YOU ARE DOING A WEEKLONG
RESIDENCY AT THE SHOW, HAD A WONDERFUL TIME.
WONDERFUL TIME WITH THE BAND. James: GREAT WORKING WITH
LOUIS. IT WASN'T LOST ON ME THAT YOU
PLAYED "JAMES." Stephen: YOU CAN PUT
ANYTHING PAST JAMES TAYLOR. I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE GOING TO DO
A WEEK RESIDENCY IN LAS VEGAS. NOW, I DON'T NECESSARILY
ASSOCIATE "SWEET BABY JAMES" WITH THE STRIP, DADDY-IO.
DO YOU ENJOY THE ROLL OF THE DICE, THE SHOWGIRLS, THAT KIND
OF STUFF? James: IT'S TRUE,
PARTICULARLY THE BEGINNING THERE WAS A LINE OF DEMARCATION
BETWEEN WHAT WE CONSIDERED OUR MUSIC, THE MUSIC POST BEETLES,
POST-DYLAN. SORT OF WHAT HAD GONE BEFORE,
AND THAT LINE, VEGAS WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT.
Stephen: YOU DIDN'T SPEND A LOT OF TIME IN VEGAS WHEN YOU'RE
YOUNG ARTIST? James: I DIDN'T.
I PRETTY MUCH AVOIDED THE PLACE FOR QUITE A FEW YEARS.
IT'S SORT OF LIKE THE CHARACTER THAT BILL MURRAY USED TO HAVE.
Stephen: STARWARS ♪ ♪ TALKING ABOUT "STAR WARS" ♪
James: YEAH, SO TO BEGIN WITH THERE WAS SORT OF A VEGAS
PHOBIA. BUT AS TIME PASSES, THINGS
CHANGE. I THINK--
Stephen: LET ME WRITE THAT DOWN.
LET ME WRITE THAT DOWN. TIME PASSES.
PASSES. THINGS--
WHAT DID YOU SAY THINGS DO?
CHANGE. JAMES TAYLOR.
GOT IT. James: YOU SORT OF GET
DRAGGED TO THE MIDDLE POLITICALLY AND CULTURALLY.
AS TIME PASSES. YOU KNOW, I DID RESIDENCY A
COUPLE YEARS AGO IN LAS VEGAS AND IT WAS GREAT.
Stephen: WHAT KIND OF SHOW DO YOU DO?
IS IT A LOT OF GLITZ? ARE THERE WHITE TIGERS OR
ANYTHING LIKE THAT? James: WHATEVER WE CAN
SCARE UP WE WILL DEFINITELY USE. IT'S PRETTY MUCH, WE JUST TAKE
THEM TO THAT WE ARE TOURING THAT YEAR, THE SET THAT WE ARE
PLAYING, JUST PARK IT IN VEGAS FOR ABOUT TEN DAYS, WHICH IS A
GREAT RELIEF FOR THE BAND AND CREW NOT TO HAVE TO BREAK IT
DOWN AND THEN SET IT UP ONCE A DAY AND TO BE ABLE TO STAY IN
ONE PLACE. Stephen: WHAT ABOUT YOU?
DO YOU LIKE BEING IN ONE PLACE WOULD YOU LIKE THE CIRCUS LIFE?
James: NO, I LIKE THE ONE-OFFS, I LIKE HAVING A FEEL
OF A DIFFERENT REGION OR DIFFERENT POPULATION EACH DAY.
Stephen: BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT THE ONE BREAKING DOWN THE
SPEAKERS. James: THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S RIGHT. I GO SOMEWHERE ELSE AND I FELL
ASLEEP. Stephen: THIS SUMMER YOU
GOT A TOUR. 16 SHOWS AROUND THE U.S.
DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE CITY TO PLAY IN THE STATES?
NO ONE WILL BE OFFENDED IF YOU DON'T NAME THEIR CITY.
James: YOU KNOW, I DO TEND--
EVERY YEAR I PLAY IN MY OWN HOMETOWN IN WESTERN
MASSACHUSETTS. I PLAY THE TANGLEWOOD MUSICAL
FESTIVAL. Stephen: SURE.
TANGLEWOOD HAS BEEN CALLED THE VEGAS OF THE BERKSHIRES.
James: THAT'S RIGHT. Stephen: YOU ARE HEADLINING
THE LOVE ROCKS NYC CONCERT AT THE BEACON THEATER.
THIS IS A FITTING... BE TO LOVE ROCKS THE
ORGANIZATION AND ITS ITS YEARLY BENEFIT THAT'S MOSTLY FOR
HOMELESS RELIEF IN NEW YORK CIT. Stephen: ALSO PERFORMING,
JOHN MAYER, MAVIS STAPLES, SHERYL CROW, ST. VINCENT AND
OTHERS. ARE THESE ALL FRIENDS OF YOURS?
ARE YOU EXCITED TO MEET SOME OF THESE FOR THE FIRST TIME, SOME
EVEN EVER PERFORMED WITH BEFORE? James: I'M EXCITED TO MEET
AND PERFORM WITH ST. VINCENT. BUT I KNOW MAVIS AND I KNOW JOHN
MAYER. IT'LL BE GOOD TO SEE OLD
FRIENDS. THE BAND, IT'S A GREAT BAND.
MY DRUMMER, STEVE. I AM HIS SINGER.
Stephen: OH, MY GOD, THE DRUM SOLO ON "ASIA" ALONE.
James: 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER.
STEVE WILL BE PLAYING DRUMS. IT'S STEVE WHO BROUGHT ME INTO
THE GIG AND WILL LEE IS GOING TO PLAY BASS.
IT'LL BE SORT OF OUR REUNION OF SORTS.
Stephen: I WILL SEE YOU THERE.
James: WILL YOU BE THERE? Stephen: YEAH.
WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
MORE JAMES TAYLOR. STICK AROUND
Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
LOOK AT THAT RIGHT THERE. THAT IS MR. JAMES TAYLOR.
RIGHT THERE. THIS WEEKEND, YOU ARE TURNING
75. YOUR 75TH BIRTHDAY IS THIS
WEEKEND. CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU MADE IT. YOU MADE IT.
75. HOW ARE YOU PLANNING TO
CELEBRATE? James: I'M ASTONISHED.
I AM JUST AMAZED. Stephen: DO CELEBRATE
BIRTHDAYS? James: NO, NOT REALLY.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE REMIND ME THAT ANOTHER YEAR HAS PASSED.
AND THEY BRING IT UP AND I SAY, WHY BRING IT UP?
Stephen: YES. MY UNDERSTANDING IS TIME PASSES.
THINGS CHANGE. DO YOU WANT TO WRITE THAT DOWN?
TIME PASSES. THINGS CHANGE.
THERE WE GO PRAY THAT'S REALLY SMART
THIS YEAR MARKS ANOTHER
MILESTONE FOR YOU AND THAT'S 40 YEARS OF SOBRIETY.
WHAT DOES THAT ANNIVERSARY MEAN TO YOU?
35 TO 75. James: THAT'S TRUE.
THAT MEANS I CAN PUT A MUCH REMEMBER THE LAST THREE YEARS.
AND IT'S BEEN GOOD. Stephen: GOOD.
James: YOU KNOW, FUNNY THING ABOUT THIS LIFE IS THAT IF
YOU'RE SUCCESSFUL AT SOMETHING, THERE'S THE BIG TENDENCY TO KEEP
DOING IT, YOU KNOW. YOU KNOW.
THE BIG WHEEL ROLES AND IT WANTS TO KEEP ROLLING.
REALLY WHAT IS SURPRISING IS HOW LITTLE HAS CHANGED IN MY LIFE
AND HOW FAMILIAR AND HOW SIMILAR WHAT I DO TODAY IS WHAT I WAS
DOING WHEN I WAS 17. RECOVERY, GETTING TO RECOVERY
FROM ADDICTION WAS THE MEAN, ASIDE FROM MY MARRIAGE TO MY
WIFE, THAT WAS MY MAIN EVENT REALLY IN MY ADULT LIFE.
THAT AND MY KIDS. Stephen: THE SONG THAT
YOU'RE DOING TONIGHT'S ASSIGNMENT NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE
TALK ABOUT BUT IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS OF YOURS.
IT'S CALLED "MONA." FOR THOSE PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW,
QUITE A FEW "MONA" FANS. CAN YOU EXPLAIN WHO MONA IS AND
WHAT THE SONG IS ABOUT. James: MONA WAS A PET PIG.
Stephen: HERE'S A PHOTO. THIS ISN'T HER FULLY GROWN,
RIGHT? James: BOTH OF US ARE QUITE
YOUNG IN THAT PICTURE. Stephen: HOW DID YOU GET A
PET PIG? James: MY BROTHER AND I
WERE HAVING COCKTAILS ONE AFTERNOON.
Stephen: ENJOYING A REFRESHING BEVERAGE?
James: THAT'S CORRECT. HE AND I WERE HAVING THE CLASSIC
ARGUMENT ABOUT WHICH WAS MORE INTELLIGENT, THE DOG WITH A PIG?
HE TOOK THE DOG AND I TOOK THE PIG.
AND A FRIEND OF MINE OVERHEARD MY SORT OF--
Stephen: DEFENSE. James: ENTHUSIASTIC DEFENSE
OF PIGS AND HOW INTELLIGENT THEY WERE.
AND SAID HIS BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP.
21ST BIRTHDAY. I'M GOING TO BUY HIM A PIG.
A PIG IS THE TRADITON. Stephen: YOU RECOMMEND THAT
TWO YOUNG MEN EVERYWHERE? James: IT IS TIME TESTED.
SHE GAVE ME THIS LITTLE FOOTBALL, SO CUTE.
LITTLE BLACK STRIPE ACROSS ITS SHOULDERS, HIGH-HEELED SHOES ON
ALL FOUR FEED. THE CUTEST LITTLE THING.
IT LIVED IN A CARDBOARD BOX IN THE FOOT OF MY BED FOR THE
WINTER AND THEN WHEN THE SPRING CAME, I MOVED HER OUT INTO SORTG
MYSELF A HOUSE IN THE WOODS. IN A MANNER OF PEN AND MOVED HER
IN THERE AND SHE STARTED TO PUT ON WEIGHT.
SHE PUT ON ABOUT 500 POUNDS. IN A LITTLE OVER A YEAR.
Stephen: WOW, IN A YEAR? James: WE MIGHT HAVE OVER
FED HER BUT SHE WAS APPRISED PIG.
SHE WON A BLUE RIBBON AT THE AGRICULTURAL FAIR.
Stephen: OH, WOW. LET ME ASK YOU THE CRITICAL
QUESTION HERE, WHICH IS, WAS SHE SMART?
James: YES, SHE WAS SMART BUT SHE WAS VERY SINGLE-MINDED.
Stephen: OH. STRONG HEADED PIG.
James: STRONG HEADED. FOCUSED ON FOOD.
IN A COUPLE OF TIMES A YEAR, SEX.
Stephen: I'M GOING TO MOVE ON.
I WILL MOVE ON FROM THAT SUBJ SUBJECT.
JAMES, LOVELY TO SEE YOU. SO GLAD THAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO
A SONG FOR US. STICK AROUND FOR A PERFORMANCE
BY A JAMES TAYLOR. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH EVA
LONGORIA.
♪ ♪
Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. WELCOME BACK.
WELCOME BACK, MY FRIENDS. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTOR, PRODUCER, AND DIRECTOR YOU KNOW
FROM "DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES," "TELENOVELA," AND NOW
"SEARCHING FOR MEXICO." ROBERTO IS MAKING HIS FROM
SCRATCH. DO YOU WANT TO START?
WITH ME AS HIS WING MAN. I ALREADY MESSED UP.
YOU PUT SOME CUMIN. WHAT IS THIS CALLED?
THE SPACES ARE LIGHTLY TOASTED BUT NOT WHEN IT COMES TO
THE CHILI, WE TURN UP THE HEAT. IT'S SMOKING.
Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME EVA LONGORIA.
♪ ♪
HI. Stephen: THANK YOU.
HOW ARE YOU? Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN. I HAVE NOT SEEN YOU IN PERSON
SINCE BEFORE COVID. WE DID ONE ZOOM INTERVIEW OVER
COVID. FOR SOMEONE WHO DOES SO MUCH,
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE AN ACTRESS, PRODUCER, DIRECTOR.
YOU HAVE A GRADUATE DEGREE IN PUBLIC POLICY, I BELIEVE.
Eva: CHICANO STUDIES. Stephen: OKAY.
WHAT WAS IT LIKE FOR YOU TO BE TRAPPED INSIDE FOR ALL THAT TIME
CUSTOMER AND YOU SEEM LIKE SOMEONE WHO MIGHT GO A LITTLE
HAMSTER WHEEL CRAZY. Eva: YEAH, YEAH.
WELL, AT THAT MOMENT I HAD A 2-YEAR-OLD SON SO IT WAS GREAT
BECAUSE I WAS LIKE OH, I GET TO BE WITH MY SON.
THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I NEVER WORKED IN MY LIFE.
I'VE BEEN WORKING SINCE I WAS EIGHT.
MOWING LAWNS, WORKING AT WENDY'S, WHATEVER IT WAS.
I WORKED AT WENDY'S. Stephen: DID YOU WORK THE
WINDOW? Eva: OF COURSE I WORKED THE
WINDOW. WELCOME TO WENDY'S.
HOW CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER? BUT I ENJOYED IT BECAUSE MY SON
WAS TWO. IT'S A GOOD AGE FOR HIM TO HAVE
MOM AROUND AND THEN ONCE COVID ENDED AND I WENT BACK TO WORK,
HE WAS LIKE WHERE ARE YOU GOING? HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND.
MOM WORKS. HE WAS LIKE, NO.
Stephen: MANY PEOPLE GOT VERY GOOD AT DRINKING DURING
COVID. I DON'T NECESSARILY RECOMMEND
IT. BUT I CERTAINLY DID MY PART.
Eva: THAT WAS ME. COVID TURNED ME TO COCKTAILS
BECAUSE I WAS A WINE GIRL AND THEN COVID MADE ME A COCKTAIL
GIRL. Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU
HAVE A PARTICULAR COCKTAIL THAT YOU ARE VERY GOOD AT MAKING.
WHAT ARE YOU MAKING? YOU WERE VERY PRODUCTIVE.
Eva: I WAS PRODUCTIVE. LET ME TELL YOU.
I AM AN OVER ACHIEVER. I STARTED DRINKING TEQUILA AND I
WAS LIKE, I'M GOING TO MAKE ONE. Stephen: THIS IS YOUR
TEQUILA. ARE WE DOING SHOTS?
Eva: NO. I BECAME A MIXOLOGIST.
THIS HAS ICE ALREADY. I'M GOING TO MAKE IT SO IT
DOESN'T TAKE UP SO MUCH TIME. YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS.
YOU LIKE TEQUILA? Stephen: I LIKE TEQUILA
FINE. I'VE GOTTEN INTO A LOT OF
FIGHTS. Eva: LIME, AGAVE, REPOSADO.
THERE'S TWO OF US. WE GIVE IT A GOOD SHAKE.
DO YOU HAVE A TOPA CHICO? Stephen: IS THAT WHAT THIS
IS? Eva: YES.
JUST A SPLASH. THAT'S TOO MUCH.
Stephen: HOW DOES ONE DESIGN THEIR OWN TEQUILA?
Eva: IT'S AN AMAZING TEQUILA BECAUSE WE AIDED IN
COGNAC BARRELS. IT'S A LOT SMOOTHER.
AS A LOT OF A LOT OF AMUSING WOMEN BEHIND THIS TEQUILA.
IT'S NOT A TEQUILA FOR WOMEN BUT WOMEN TAKE A LOT OF TEQUILA.
Stephen: IT'S VERY SLENDER RISING IS MY UNDERSTANDING.
THERE YOU GO. Eva: CHEERS.
Stephen: OH, THIS INTERVIEW IS GOING REALLY WELL.
Eva: ISN'T A GREAT? QUESTION
MIKE ISN'T THAT AMAZING? Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Eva: YOU'RE WELCOME. YOU HAVE THE NEW SHOW ON CNN
CALLED "SEARCHING FOR MEXICO." FIRST OF ALL, DID YOU FIND IT?
DID STANLEY TUCCI HELP. Eva: HE FINALLY FOUND IT.
LIKE STANLEY, HE KIND OF WENT BACK TO EXPLORE HIS ROOTS.
THEY CALLED ME AND THEY WERE GOING TO DO A SPIN-OFF OF THIS
SERIES AND I PITCHED MEXICO. MEXICO IS A JEWEL OF THE COUNTRY
GASTRONOMIC LANE. Stephen: WHAT HAVE YOU
LEARNED FROM MEXICO'S FOOD? Eva: IT IS MORE THAN TACOS
AND TEQUILA. I KNOW WE ARE DRINKING TEQUILA
AND IT IS VERY STEREOTYPICAL. Stephen: ON, I AM AFRAID TO
SAY, TACO TUESDAY. Eva: IT IS THE NUMBER ONE
CUISINE NEATLY IN THE UNITED STATES AND ITS THE
COUNTRY THIS WAS UNDERSTOOD AND GETS A BAD RAP AND I THINK THIS
SHOW IS GOING TO FOR THE RELATIONS OF OUR COUNTRY WITH
OUR CLOSEST NEIGHBOR, OUR BIGGEST TRADING PARTNER.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT THE FOOD OF THE
COUNTRY, YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE PEOPLE OF THE COUNTRY AND
MEXICO IS FULL OF BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Stephen: YOU HAVE DESCRIBED
YOURSELF AS 100% AMERICAN AND 100% MEXICAN.
AT THE SAME TIME. THAT'S TWO PEOPLE.
I KNOW YOUR FAMILY HAS LIVED IN TEXAS BEFORE THERE WAS A
UNITED STATES. SO YOU ARE BOTH, ALL AMERICAN AT
ALL MEXICAN AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN TO YOU?
Eva: WELL, IT MEANS THAT I REALLY STRADDLED THE.
WHEN I AM IN AMERICA, PEOPLE GO "OH, YOU'RE MEXICAN."
I AM IN MEXICO AND THEY GO "OH, YOU'RE THE AMERICAN."
I AM NEITHER HERE NOR THERE EVER AND I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE
NAVIGATE THAT IDENTITY SPECIFICALLY IN TEXAS.
I AM A TEXICAN REALLY. IT WAS FUN TO DO THE SHOW TO
EXPLORE MEXICO. MY HUSBAND IS MEXICAN FROM
MEXICO CITY AND SO HE WENT WITH ME AND MY SON WENT WITH ME ON
THIS WHOLE JOURNEY THE FOUR MONTHS.
HE WAS LIKE, I'VE NEVER BEEN TO THIS DATE.
I'VE NEVER EATEN THIS. IT WAS REALLY EYE-OPENING FOR
HIM. HE IS MEXICAN.
Stephen: AS YOU SAID, YOUR SON TRAVELED WITH YOU.
HOW OLD? Eva: FOUR AND A HALF.
Stephen: THERE IS A CLICK. WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS CLIP?
Eva: MY SON'S FIRST THING WHICH IS SPANISH BECAUSE WE LIVE
MOST OF THE TIME IN MEXICO CITY. I DIDN'T GROW UP SPEAKING
SPANISH. HE IS FOUR AND HE HAS SURPASSED
MY SPANISH SO HE WAS KIND OF LIKE OUR TRANSLATOR.
HONEY, CAN YOU TELL THEM HIM, I CAN'T SAY BIG NUMBERS IN
SPANISH. LIKE 1,912.
BUT HE KNOWS HOW. SO I WILL TELL HIM.
HOW MUCH IS THAT? WE TELL HIM?
IT IS 1900. Eva: YOU'RE HAVING YOUR SON
BURGER FOR YOU? Eva: YES.
HE WATCHED DORA THE EXPLORER AND HE IS MIMICKING DORA.
CAN YOU SAY DELICIOSO? Stephen: LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
"SEARCHING FOR MEXICO" PREMIERES MARCH 26 ON CNN.
EVA LONGORIA, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE BACK WITH THE
PERFORMANCE BY JAMES TAYLOR.
Stephen: I'M NOW PERFORMING "MONA," JAMES TAYLOR.
♪ LIFE'S GOOD ♪ ♪ FRIENDS ARE HARD TO FIND ♪
♪ AND NOW ONE OF MINE IS DEAD ♪ ♪ AND THINGS ♪
♪ I SHOULD HAVE SAID ♪ TO HER, I SHALL SAY TO YOU ♪
♪ INSTEAD ♪ ♪ OH, MONA, MONA,
♪ SO MUCH OF YOU ♪ ♪ TO LOVE
♪ TOO MUCH OF YOU ♪ ♪ TO TAKE CARE OF
♪ MONA, MONA ♪ ♪ YOU GOT TOO BIG TO KEEP ♪
♪ AND TOO DAMN OLD TO EAT ♪ ♪ WHEN YOU WHERE JUST ♪
♪ A FOOTBALL ♪ ♪ AT YOUR MAMA'S SIDE ♪
♪ I RECKON EVERYONE ♪ ♪ FIGURED YOU FOR A BARBECUE ♪
♪ WHEN YOU DIED ♪ ♪ AND HERE I'M THINKING ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU LYING UNDERGROUND ♪ ♪ PUSHING UP A PINE TREE ♪
♪ IN MY FIELD ♪ ♪ OH, MONA
♪ OH, MONA, ♪ ♪ DARLING,
YOU CAN CLOSE YOUR EYES ♪ ♪ I'VE GOT A TWELVE-GAUGE ♪
♪ SURPRISE WAITING FOR YOU ♪
♪ SINCE THE DAY ♪ ♪ THAT SHE PASSED AWAY ♪
♪ EVERYTHING'S JUST THE SAME ♪ ♪ EVERYWHERE I GO ♪
♪ SOMEBODY MENTIONS HER NAME ♪ ♪ SOMETIMES IT'S EASIEST ♪
♪ TO TELL A FRIEND A LIE ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ THE WAY I FEEL ♪ ♪ OH, MONA
♪ MY MONA ♪ ♪ SO MUCH OF YOU TO LOVE ♪
♪ BUT TOO MUCH OF YOU ♪ ♪ TO TAKE CARE OF ♪
♪ SO LONG ♪ ♪ NOW SHE IS GONE ♪
♪ AND I AM LEFT ALONE ♪ ♪ AS YOU CAN SEE ♪
♪ BUT EVER SINCE ♪ ♪ I CAUSED HER DEATH ♪
♪ OH, I DO MISS HER COMPANY ♪ [APPLAUSE]
Stephen: THANK YOU, JAMES. YOU CAN CATCH HIM
ON TOUR THIS SUMMER. IT'S JAMES TAYLOR, EVERYBODY.
THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." GOOD NIGHT.
♪ ♪