1 00:00:01,701 --> 00:00:03,370 Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. UH, I'VE GOT A LITTLE BIT OF 2 00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:05,705 UNFORTUNATE NEWS ABOUT TONIGHT'S SHOW. 3 00:00:05,705 --> 00:00:09,242 EVERYTHING'S OKAY. IT'S JUST THAT MY DOG, BENNY, 4 00:00:09,242 --> 00:00:12,145 ATE THE OPENING CREDITS. I DON'T KNOW WHY HE DOESN'T READ 5 00:00:12,145 --> 00:00:15,749 THE LABELS. ANYWAY, THE GOOD NEWS IS, IS 6 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:19,786 THAT I HAVE RIGHT HERE, DANIELS, THE SUPERSTAR DIRECTING DUO 7 00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:22,088 BEHIND THE OSCAR-NOMINATED FILM "EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT 8 00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:24,924 ONCE" AND THEY HAVE GENEROUSLY AGREED TO MAKE US A NEW OPENING 9 00:00:24,924 --> 00:00:26,993 CREDITS. THANK YOU, STEPHEN. 10 00:00:26,993 --> 00:00:28,762 WE'RE REALLY EXCITED TO SHOW YOU WHAT WE'VE BEEN WORKING ON. 11 00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:31,364 Stephen: ME TOO. I MEAN, YOUR FILM IS SUCH A FUN, 12 00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:34,067 WILD RIDE. IT'S GOT EVERYTHING. 13 00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:37,036 IT'S GOT HOT DOG HANDS AND SINGING RACCOONS AND KUNG FU. 14 00:00:37,036 --> 00:00:39,072 THANK YOU. YEAH, BUT WE DIDN'T DO ANY OF 15 00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:41,441 THAT FOR THIS. Stephen: WHAT? 16 00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:43,643 YEAH, WE FIGURED IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY. 17 00:00:43,643 --> 00:00:46,079 YOUR AUDIENCE IS PROBABLY TIRED. THEY COULD USE A BREAK. 18 00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:49,315 YOU CAN'T ENJOY YOURSELF IF YOU DON'T FEEL WELL RESTED. 19 00:00:49,315 --> 00:00:53,219 AND SO WE WENT WITH SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE CALM, MEDITATIVE. 20 00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,321 Stephen: MEDITATIVE? GUYS, THIS IS THE OPENING TO A 21 00:00:55,321 --> 00:00:57,524 COMEDY SHOW. SHH. 22 00:00:57,524 --> 00:00:58,958 Stephen: YOU NEED A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF-- 23 00:00:58,958 --> 00:01:02,629 SHUSH, SHUT, SHUT YOUR FACE. ROLL THE TAPE. 24 00:01:02,629 --> 00:01:07,500 [GENTLE MUSIC] [SPEAKING SOFTLY] 25 00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:11,771 IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 26 00:01:11,771 --> 00:01:21,648 TONIGHT, STEPHEN WELCOMES NICK KROLL AND CONGRESSMAN JIM HIMES. 27 00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:28,054 FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND. 28 00:01:28,054 --> 00:01:30,223 AND SPECIAL ACTIVITY: RECONNECTING WITH A CHILDHOOD 29 00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:34,627 FRIEND OVER THE PHONE. PLUS, THE LIFE-CHANGING 30 00:01:34,627 --> 00:01:44,671 REALIZATION THAT YOU ARE ENOUGH AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN. 31 00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:48,141 AND A FULL HOUR OF WATCHING A MUSHROOM GROW OUT OF A FALLEN 32 00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:51,110 TREE. TO KNOWLEDGE THE BEAUTY AND THE 33 00:01:51,110 --> 00:01:57,383 FACT THAT EVERYTHING, INCLUDING YOU, MUST ONE DAY DIE 34 00:01:57,383 --> 00:01:59,986 IN ORDER FOR MORE LIFE TO FORM, BECAUSE DEATH AND GROWTH ARE 35 00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:07,894 INTERCONNECTED. Stephen: OKAY, THAT'S GOOD. 36 00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:10,497 JIMMY, COULD YOU STOP, PLEASE. THANK YOU. 37 00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:15,735 IT'S, UH, IT'S COOL. IT'S REALLY COOL, GUYS. 38 00:02:15,735 --> 00:02:18,204 IT'S JUST, IT'S A TERRIBLE OPENING FOR MY SHOW. 39 00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:19,672 WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? Stephen: WE NEED ENERGY. 40 00:02:19,672 --> 00:02:22,075 OKAY? I WANTED EXPLOSIONS. 41 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:24,744 I WANTED FIGHTS. I WANT SOMEBODY TO KICK THROUGH 42 00:02:24,744 --> 00:02:26,412 A WALL. WE HAVE A PROBLEM. 43 00:02:26,412 --> 00:02:34,220 IT'S TIME TO START THE SHOW, AND THE AUDIENCE IS ASLEEP. 44 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:37,790 SORRY, STEPHEN. WHAT DO WE DO? 45 00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:40,827 UM, YOU COULD JUST NOT DO THE SHOW. 46 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:45,765 Stephen: NO. I'M NOT GOING TO LET THESE TWO 47 00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:50,036 INEXPERIENCED MAN-CHILDREN RUIN MY SHOW JUST BECAUSE THIS IS THE 48 00:02:50,036 --> 00:02:54,107 MULTIVERSE WHERE THEY SUCK. HIT THE LIGHTS! 49 00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:56,009 CUE THE ANNOUNCER. FIRE UP THE BAND. 50 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,544 SCRIPT! SOMEBODY'S GOT TO SAVE THIS 51 00:02:57,544 --> 00:02:59,879 SHOW. POWDER! 52 00:02:59,879 --> 00:03:04,918 LIPGLOSS. STEPHEN, IT'S WORKING. 53 00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:07,854 THE AUDIENCE IS WAKING UP. Stephen: YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT 54 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,822 THEY ARE. SHH. 55 00:03:09,822 --> 00:03:13,793 Audience: [CHANTING] 56 00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:17,263 STEPHEN! YES, THEY ARE EVEN MORE 57 00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:19,098 PUMPED UP THAN EVER BEFORE. Stephen: YEAH, IT'S ALMOST 58 00:03:19,098 --> 00:03:22,168 AS IF THAT MEDITATIVE OPENING GOT THEM EVEN MORE EXCITED. 59 00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:24,470 THE AUDIENCE COULD USE A BREAK. 60 00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:25,605 YOU CAN'T HAVE FUN IF YOU'RE NOT WELL RESTED. 61 00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:29,142 [DING] ONE SECOND TO SHOWTIME. 62 00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:30,276 Stephen: SERIOUSLY? ONE SECOND? 63 00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:31,277 YES. ONE SECOND. 64 00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:33,746 THAT'S IT. Stephen: BUT ONE SECOND'S 65 00:03:33,746 --> 00:03:35,949 NOT EVEN ENOUGH FOR ME TO MAKE IT TO THE STAGE. 66 00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:37,250 UNLESS! I WANT TO SEE EXPLOSIONS. 67 00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:48,661 I WANT TO SEE FIGHTS. I WANT TO SEE SOMEBODY KICK 68 00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:55,435 THROUGH A WALL. [STAMPING] 69 00:03:55,435 --> 00:04:05,078 LET'S DO IT! [GASPING] 70 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,480 OH, MY GOD. Stephen: MY STUNT DOUBLE! 71 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,083 HE'S DEAD! HE RAN INTO THE WALL INSTEAD 72 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,585 OF THE BREAKAWAY WALL. Stephen: WHY DOES NO ONE 73 00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:14,087 READ LABELS AROUND HERE? IT'S HALF A SECOND TO 74 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:17,657 SHOWTIME. Stephen: HALF A SECOND? 75 00:04:17,657 --> 00:04:20,426 TIME FLIES. QUICK! 76 00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:22,962 DANIELS, TAKE THIS BODY, DUMP IT IN A HOLE AND COVER IT WITH LYE. 77 00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:25,064 YES, SIR. Stephen: WELCOME TO THE 78 00:04:25,064 --> 00:04:30,536 DREAM FACTORY, GENTLEMEN. I'VE GOT A SHOW TO SAVE! 79 00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:44,250 [GROANS] [SHOUTING] 80 00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:56,062 ♪ ♪ 81 00:04:58,164 --> 00:05:15,314 ♪ ♪ [CHEERING] 82 00:05:15,314 --> 00:05:31,698 ♪ ♪ Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 83 00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:39,639 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 84 00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:43,643 FOLKS! WELCOME, ONE AT ALL TO "THE 85 00:05:43,643 --> 00:05:45,778 LATE SHOW." I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 86 00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:50,016 I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THAT WELCOME. 87 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:53,386 YOU'RE ALREADY A WAY BETTER AUDIENCE FOR THIS WEEK'S 88 00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:57,990 CONSERVATIVE POLITICAL ACTION CONFERENCE, 89 00:05:57,990 --> 00:05:59,792 OR CPAC, WHICH WAS NOT C-PACKED. TURNS OUT, CPAC REALLY STANDS 90 00:05:59,792 --> 00:06:01,928 FOR "CRAZY TO PUT UP ALL THESE CHAIRS." 91 00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:04,964 THE CROWD THAT DID ATTEND WAS MOSTLY RABID MAGA SUPPORTERS, 92 00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:09,569 SO IT'S NO SURPRISE THE FORMER PRESIDENT GOT 62% OF THE VOTE 93 00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:12,605 COMPARED TO 20% FOR FLORIDA GOVERNOR RON DESANTIS 94 00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:20,513 IN THE ANNUAL STRAW POLL. SO HE'S EITHER REALLY POPULAR OR 95 00:06:20,513 --> 00:06:23,015 STRAW POLL VOTERS JUST VOTED FOR THE PERSON WHOSE HAIR LOOKS MOST 96 00:06:23,015 --> 00:06:30,690 LIKE STRAW. THE FORMER PRESIDENT USED HIS 97 00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:35,695 SPEECH TO RE-RELAUNCH HIS 2024 CAMPAIGN, AND IT GOT REAL 98 00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:40,199 CREEPY REAL FAST. IN 2016, I DECLARED, 99 00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:45,738 I AM YOUR VOICE. TODAY, I ADD, I AM YOUR WARRIOR, 100 00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:48,808 I AM YOUR JUSTICE, AND FOR THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN WRONGED 101 00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:53,846 AND BETRAYED, I AM YOUR RETRIBUTION. 102 00:06:53,846 --> 00:06:56,382 Stephen: THAT'S PRETTY HARSH. I HAVEN'T HEARD A POLITICAL 103 00:06:56,382 --> 00:06:59,552 SPEECH THIS DARK SINCE H.W. BUSH AT THE 1992 104 00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:04,791 REPUBLICAN CONVENTION. READ MY LIPS. 105 00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:12,431 I'LL KILL CLINTON'S DOG. Stephen: BUT IT WASN'T ALL 106 00:07:12,431 --> 00:07:15,802 TERRIFYING PREVIEWS OF THE FASCISM TO COME. 107 00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:17,370 THERE WAS ALSO SOME SILLY STUFF LIKE WHEN HE SAID THIS ABOUT THE 108 00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,672 BORDER WALL. AS YOU KNOW, I BUILT HUNDREDS 109 00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:22,308 OF MILES OF WALL AND BIDEN, THEY TOOK IT AWAY. 110 00:07:22,308 --> 00:07:24,877 THEY ACTUALLY TOOK IT AWAY AND THEY HID IT. 111 00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:31,517 THEY PUT IT IN A HIDING AREA. Stephen: YES, THEY HID IT 112 00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:33,019 IN A HIDING AREA. WHERE IS THAT? 113 00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:35,454 MAYBE YOU CAN FIND IT IN THE NEW MAGA KIDS' BOOK, 114 00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:47,200 "WHERE WALL GO." OF COURSE, IT WOULDN'T BE 115 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,768 A SPEECH FROM THE FORMER PRESIDENT WITHOUT SOME CLASSIC 116 00:07:48,768 --> 00:07:51,170 MOUTH-OOPSIES. LIKE WHEN HE TRIED TO GO 117 00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:54,540 AFTER THE MANHATTAN D.A. WHO'S INVESTIGATING HIM. 118 00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:58,311 THE RACIST MANHATTAN DISTRICT ATTORNE, ALVIN BRAGG, WHO IS 119 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,314 PRESIDING OVER ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS AND VIOLENT 120 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:05,251 CITIES IN THE UNITED STRAIGHTS. Stephen: YES, THE UNITED 121 00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:15,862 STRAIGHTS OF AMERICA. ALSO KNOWN AS THE CROWD 122 00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:18,364 AT A DAVE MATTHEWS CONCERT. SO, PRETTY EMBARRASSING THAT HE 123 00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:19,565 MISPRONOUNCED THE NAME OF THE COUNTRY, BUT IT'S NOT LIKE HE 124 00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:21,300 DID IT A SECOND TIME. I WILL CHALLENGE THE 125 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:28,140 GOVERNORS OF ALL 50 SPATES. Stephen: YES. 126 00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:34,480 YES, YES, HE WILL CHALLENGE THE GOVERNORS 127 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:37,416 OF ALL 50 SPATES. LIKE ALABAPA, IPADO, 128 00:08:37,416 --> 00:08:48,427 WAPPINGTON, AND MIPPIPPIPPI. THE FORMER PRESIDENT ALSO 129 00:08:48,427 --> 00:08:50,630 ANNOUNCED HIS SUPPORT FOR A POLICY THAT WOULD GIVE TAX 130 00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:53,532 BREAKS TO NEW PARENTS LIVING IN CERTAIN AREAS. 131 00:08:53,532 --> 00:08:59,805 BUT IT GOT KINDA WEIRD. WE WILL SUPPORT BABY BOOMERS 132 00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:03,576 AND WE WILL SUPPORT BABY BONUSES FOR A NEW BABY BOOM. 133 00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:06,345 HOW DOES THAT SOUND? THAT SOUNDS. 134 00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:12,118 I WANT A BABY BOOM. OH, YOU MEN ARE SO LUCKY 135 00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:17,356 OUT THERE, YOU'RE SO LUCKY. YOU ARE SO LUCKY, MEN. 136 00:09:17,356 --> 00:09:22,828 Stephen: WAIT? WAIT, LUCKY 'CAUSE SEX? 137 00:09:22,828 --> 00:09:24,063 DOES HE THINK WIVES ONLY HAVE SEX WITH THEIR HUSBANDS 138 00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:28,501 IF THERE'S MONEY INVOLVED? OH, YEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE. 139 00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:32,438 THAT MAKES SENSE. OKAY, YEAH. 140 00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:36,309 I CAN SEE WHY. THE EX-PRESIDENT ALSO WANTS TO 141 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:39,478 MAKE AN INVESTMENT IN FLYING CARS. 142 00:09:39,478 --> 00:09:43,049 ARE HIS POLICIES BEING WRITTEN BY AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD? 143 00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:45,318 "SO WE HAVE COOL AWESOME CITIES AND EVERYBODY GETS AROUND 144 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:47,787 IN A FLYING CAR, AND THERE'S AN AWESOME TREE FORT 145 00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:49,255 WITH A SLIDE, AND ALL OF THE DRINKING FOUNTAINS HAVE 146 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,523 CHOCOLATE MILK IN THEM, AND DWAYNE "THE ROCK" JOHNSON 147 00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:52,992 IS NAMED OFFICIAL "SECRETARY OF BEING MY FRIEND FOR LIFE" AND 148 00:09:52,992 --> 00:10:00,566 MOMMY GETS MONEY FOR HAVING SEX WITH DADDY." 149 00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:02,034 THAT'S WHAT I DID THIS SUMMER. THE FORMER PREZ MAY HAVE BEEN 150 00:10:02,034 --> 00:10:03,869 THE ONLY CANDIDATE PEOPLE CARED ABOUT, BUT HE WASN'T THE 151 00:10:03,869 --> 00:10:06,539 ONLY CANDIDATE WHO SPOKE AT CPAC. 152 00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:09,275 NIKKI HALEY DESCRIBED THE GREATEST PUBLIC HEALTH 153 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:13,879 EMERGENCY WE'VE EVER FACED. WOKENESS IS A VIRUS MORE 154 00:10:13,879 --> 00:10:18,584 DANGEROUS THAN ANY PANDEMIC, HANDS DOWN. 155 00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:23,990 Stephen: YES, WOKENESS IS SUCH A DANGEROUS VIRUS THAT 156 00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:27,660 IT APPARENTLY KILLED TWO-THIRDS OF HER AUDIENCE. 157 00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:34,867 GOT TO BE STOPPED. IT'S THE PRONOUNS. 158 00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:36,168 HALEY WASN'T THE ONLY ONE BRAVE ENOUGH TO SHOUT NONSENSE 159 00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:37,903 INTO AN EMPTY ROOM. HERE'S LAUREN BOEBERT 160 00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:40,840 COMPLAINING ABOUT BIG GOVERNMENT IN THE DUMBEST WAY POSSIBLE. 161 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:45,411 THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT HAS BECOME TOO BIG. 162 00:10:45,411 --> 00:10:52,551 THE ONLY THREE LETTERS OUR FOUNDING FATHERS EVER THOUGHT 163 00:10:52,551 --> 00:10:55,554 WERE NECESSARY ARE "USA." STEPHONE: THAT'S A HELL OF 164 00:10:55,554 --> 00:10:58,524 AN EXCUSE FOR NOT LEARNING THE REST OF THE ALPHABET. 165 00:10:58,524 --> 00:11:03,095 "THE FOUNDING FATHERS WANTED US TO BE NUMBER ONE! 166 00:11:03,095 --> 00:11:05,264 SOCIALISTS WANT YOU TO BELIEVE THERE ARE BIGGER NUMBERS LIKE... 167 00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:12,872 FIVE-TEEN AND THRUPLE." NO GATHERING OF REPUBLICANS 168 00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:15,341 WOULD BE COMPLETE WITHOUT SOME GOOD OLD DOWN HOME 169 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:20,513 RED-MEAT PANDERING. TAKE IT AWAY, JOHN-NOT-THAT-JOHN 170 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:24,750 KENNEDY-KENNEDY. WHAT ELSE IS THE TRUTH? 171 00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:30,456 THE TRUTH IS THAT GOD IS GREAT, BEER IS GOOD, AND THE UNITED 172 00:11:30,456 --> 00:11:36,295 STATES OF AMERICA IS STAR SPANGLED AWESOME. 173 00:11:36,295 --> 00:11:39,665 Stephen: DID HE WRITE HIS SPEECH WITH MAGNETIC POETRY? 174 00:11:39,665 --> 00:11:43,502 "EAGLES ARE PATRIOTS! GUNS ARE MEN. 175 00:11:43,502 --> 00:11:46,005 TRUCKS ARE DAD. JESUS IS FOOTBALL. 176 00:11:46,005 --> 00:11:50,810 AMEN, HIKE!" ONE G.O.P. CONTENDER NOTABLY 177 00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:56,682 ABSENT FROM CPAC WAS FLORIDA GOVERNOR DESANTIS. 178 00:11:56,682 --> 00:11:59,018 DESANTIS RECENTLY TOOK OVER THE BOARD THAT CONTROLS DISNEY 179 00:11:59,018 --> 00:12:04,857 WORLD'S DEVELOPMENT DISTRICT. AND ONE OF DESANTIS' NEW 180 00:12:04,857 --> 00:12:07,193 APPOINTEES IS FORMER PASTOR AND MIDDLE SCHOOL HEALTH TEACHER 181 00:12:07,193 --> 00:12:11,997 PRONOUNCING EVERY SYLLABLE IN "MENSTRUATION," RON PERI. 182 00:12:11,997 --> 00:12:13,265 PERI IS GETTING SOME ATTENTION FOR THIS COMMENT HE MADE 183 00:12:13,265 --> 00:12:15,935 IN 2022. WHY ARE THERE HOMOSEXUALS 184 00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:20,506 TODAY? THERE ARE ANY NUMBER OF REASONS. 185 00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:23,209 YOU KNOW, THERE'S ESTROGEN IN THE WATER FROM BIRTH CONTROL 186 00:12:23,209 --> 00:12:26,145 PILLS. THEY CAN'T GET IT OUT. 187 00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:30,049 Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, THAT'S NOT A THING. 188 00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:33,452 BUT IF YOU ARE CONCERNED, "THE LATE SHOW" HAS A NEW 189 00:12:33,452 --> 00:12:38,958 SPONSOR JUST FOR YOU. "ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT 190 00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:44,964 TAP WATER TURNING YOU GAY? THEN TRY "MAN WATER", 191 00:12:44,964 --> 00:12:46,699 ♪ MAN WATER ♪ THE FIRST BOTTLED WATER THAT'S 192 00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:48,534 FILTERED THROUGH BEEF JERKY AND THEN EXPOSED TO STRAIGHT 193 00:12:48,534 --> 00:12:53,339 PORN. THIS WATER HAS NEVER CRIED 194 00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:59,278 OR WATCHED "THELMA AND LOUISE". ♪ MAN WATER ♪ 195 00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:01,614 IT WAS ALSO RAISED BY A COLD, DISTANT FATHER THAT NEVER SAID 196 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:12,858 "I LOVE YOU." MAN WATER. 197 00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:13,726 "WATER" YOU WAITING FOR, MAN? WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW 198 00:13:13,726 --> 00:13:15,828 FOR YOU TONIGHT. MY GUESTS ARE NICK KROLL 199 00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:19,498 AND CONGRESSMAN JIM HIMES. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, 200 00:13:19,498 --> 00:13:22,535 WE GO TO HEALTH IN A HANDBASKET. STICK AROUND. 201 00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:52,231 ♪ ♪ Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 202 00:13:52,231 --> 00:13:58,370 GIVE IT UP FOR LOUIS CATO AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND. 203 00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:06,045 LOUIS, THAT'S INTENSE. DON'T KNOW, THE PEOPLE IN THE 204 00:14:06,045 --> 00:14:08,013 AUDIENCE WERE TREATED AS SOMETHING VERY INTENSE. 205 00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:12,184 WHAT WERE WE LISTENING TO? "TLOUIS OR >> Louis: THE MUSIC 206 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:16,989 OF RECENTLY DECEASED WAYNE SHORTER. 207 00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:23,963 Stephen: BEAUTIFUL. I WANT TO THANKS FOR THE OPEN. 208 00:14:23,963 --> 00:14:30,135 IT WAS AN AMAZING EXPERIENCE. LOVELY FELLAS. 209 00:14:30,135 --> 00:14:32,771 YOU CAN SEE "EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE." 210 00:14:32,771 --> 00:14:38,377 IT'S IN THEATERS AND ON DEMAND. FOLKS I'M NOT JUST IN THE LATE 211 00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:43,048 SHOW HOST, I'M ALSO A DOCTOR. I'M HONORARY DOCTORATE OF FINE 212 00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:45,718 ARTS BUT IT DOES ALLOW ME TO DO CREATIVE WRITING ON A 213 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:50,990 PRESCRIPTION PAD. I FEEL AS A DOCTOR IT'S MY 214 00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:53,726 OBLIGATION TO KEEP YOU UPDATED ON ALL MATTERS OF YOUR 215 00:14:53,726 --> 00:15:00,399 WELL-BEING AND MY NEW WELLNESS SEGMENT... 216 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:07,640 I AM ON A HIGHWAY TO HEALTH. Stephen: I LIKE IT. 217 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:11,610 WE'LL WORK ON IT. THERE'S BIG NEWS FROM THE FDA. 218 00:15:11,610 --> 00:15:13,746 THEY'VE PUT OUT A PROPOSAL TO UPDATE THE CURRENT DEFINITION OF 219 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,982 "HEALTHY." IS THAT NECESSARY? 220 00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:22,755 WE ALREADY KNOW WHAT HEALTHY IS IT'S THE POTATO CHIPS WITH THE 221 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,256 LIGHTHOUSE ON THE BAG! YOU CAN'T FEED JUNK TO THE 222 00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,392 GRIZZLED LONERS WHO PROTECT OUR ROCKY NEW 223 00:15:26,392 --> 00:15:28,927 ENGLAND SHORES. NOW, SPECIFICALLY, THIS NEW FDA 224 00:15:28,927 --> 00:15:31,930 RULE MEANS THAT MANUFACTURERS WILL ONLY BE ALLOWED TO 225 00:15:31,930 --> 00:15:35,567 LABEL THEIR PRODUCTS "HEALTHY" IF THEY CONTAIN A MEANINGFUL 226 00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:38,904 AMOUNT OF FOOD FROM AT LEAST ONE OF THE MAIN FOOD GROUPS. 227 00:15:38,904 --> 00:15:46,712 SO FROM NOW ON, ALL FOOD MUST CONTAIN SOME FOOD. 228 00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:54,853 UP TILL NOW, UP TILL THIS RULE, 229 00:15:54,853 --> 00:15:57,589 MARIE CALLENDER'S WAS MOSTLY JUST CALLENDER. 230 00:15:57,589 --> 00:16:01,193 AND JUST A HINT OF A MARIE. OBVIOUSLY, ANY NEW LABELING THAT 231 00:16:01,193 --> 00:16:04,396 HELPS US EAT HEALTHIER IS GOOD. BUT FOOD BRANDS AREN'T TAKING 232 00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:06,532 THIS SITTING DOWN WITH A TUB OF COOL WHIP. 233 00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:11,437 FOR INSTANCE, CONAGRA, WHICH ACCOUNTS FOR 60% OF SALES 234 00:16:11,437 --> 00:16:13,839 OF ALL PRODUCTS LABELED AS "HEALTHY" WITH THEIR 235 00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:16,241 HEALTHY CHOICE FROZEN MEALS, SO IF THIS RULE GOES THROUGH, 236 00:16:16,241 --> 00:16:17,543 THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE THE NAME OF HEALTHY CHOICE 237 00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:22,948 CHICKEN LINGUINE TO "JUST EAT IT. 238 00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:25,818 MOM'S AT BOOK CLUB." OTHER FOOD COMPANIE ARE ALSO 239 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:30,556 PROTESTING. GENERAL MILLS, KELLOGG, AND POST 240 00:16:30,556 --> 00:16:33,559 SAY THE PROPOSAL WOULD EXCLUDE MORE THAN 95% OF BREAKFAST 241 00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:35,828 CEREALS FROM BEING LABELED AS HEALTHY. 242 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,696 I CAN SEE WHY THEY'RE FIGHTING THIS. 243 00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:40,299 BREAKFAST CEREALS ALREADY HAVE WAY TOO MANY RULES. 244 00:16:40,299 --> 00:16:41,600 YOU WANT LUCKY CHARMS? YOU GOTTA STEAL 'EM 245 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:46,205 FROM A LEPRECHAUN. TRIX ARE ONLY FOR THOSE WHO CAN 246 00:16:46,205 --> 00:16:48,273 AVOID A COKED-OUT RABBIT. FROOT LOOPS? 247 00:16:48,273 --> 00:16:50,609 FOLLOW A WEIRD BRITISH TOUCAN INTO THE JUNGLE, WHERE HE'LL 248 00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:52,644 MAKE YOU BREAKFAST. YOU WANT FROSTED FLAKES? 249 00:16:52,644 --> 00:16:58,884 YOU GOTTA PLAY BASKETBALL WITH A FURRY. 250 00:16:58,884 --> 00:17:04,323 BUT MOST OUTRAGED OF ALL MIGHT BE THE AMERICAN CHEESE SOCIETY, 251 00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:11,864 ALSO KNOWN AS "AMERICA." THEY ARE ARGUING THAT BEING 252 00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:12,998 "HEALTHY" IS MORE THAN JUST FOOD. 253 00:17:12,998 --> 00:17:16,034 THEY SAY, "WHAT WE EAT, HOW AND WHEN WE EAT, EVEN WITH 254 00:17:16,034 --> 00:17:18,737 WHOM WE EAT, AND OUR LIFESTYLE INFLUENCES WHAT IS HEALTHY 255 00:17:18,737 --> 00:17:21,707 FOR A GROUP OR AN INDIVIDUAL. HEALTHY IS A LIFESTYLE THAT 256 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:23,809 INCLUDES EXERCISE, MENTAL WELL-BEING, AND OTHER ASPECT 257 00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:27,913 BEYOND FOOD." ADDING, "CHEEZ WHIZ IS PART OF 258 00:17:27,913 --> 00:17:31,683 A HEALTHY DIET, AS LONG AS YOUR DIET ALSO CONTAINS A 5K, 259 00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:34,420 A THERAPIST, ANOTHER HEALTHIER DIET, AND A WEEPING SPOUSE 260 00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:38,056 BEGGING YOU TO PUT DOWN THE SPRAY CHEESE SO THAT YOU CAN 261 00:17:38,056 --> 00:17:45,697 'BE THERE WHEN YOUR DAUGHTER WALKS DOWN THE AISLE, DAVE.'" 262 00:17:45,697 --> 00:17:48,267 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH NICK KROLL. 263 00:18:02,981 --> 00:18:03,982 ♪ ♪ Stephen: WELCOME BACK, 264 00:18:03,982 --> 00:18:09,087 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. MY FIRST GUEST THIS EVENING 265 00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:10,255 IS A COMEDIAN AND THE CREATOR BEHIND "KROLL SHOW," 266 00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:11,757 "BIG MOUTH," AND "THE OH, HELLO SHOW." 267 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:19,531 HE NOW STARS IN "HISTORY OF THE WORLD PART TWO." 268 00:18:19,531 --> 00:18:26,505 AND MUD PIES. GET YOUR MUD PIES FOR ME. 269 00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:27,940 MADE WITH THE ABJECT SUFFERING AND ECZEMA OF THE 270 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:33,412 JEWISH DIASPORA. ALL YOU NEED TO DO... 271 00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:37,349 JOSH, MY SWEET SON, COME HELP ME WITH THE FAMILY BUSINESS. 272 00:18:37,349 --> 00:18:41,386 I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE FAMILY BUSINESS, DAD. 273 00:18:41,386 --> 00:18:42,654 ALL I CARE ABOUT IS FALLING IN LOVE. 274 00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:46,658 AND I'LL NEVER MEET THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS IF I AM SELLING MUD 275 00:18:46,658 --> 00:18:48,494 PIES. THAT'S NOT TRUE. 276 00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:51,396 I MET YOUR MOTHER SELLING MUD PIES. 277 00:18:51,396 --> 00:18:56,001 HER FATHER CAME IN, BOX ONE, GOT ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE FOOD 278 00:18:56,001 --> 00:19:03,175 POISONING AND AS PUNISHMENT HE T DIFFICULT DAUGHTER. 279 00:19:03,175 --> 00:19:09,448 Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," NICK 280 00:19:09,448 --> 00:19:22,828 KROLL. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 281 00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,696 LOVELY TO SEE YOU. IN PERSON. 282 00:19:24,696 --> 00:19:28,200 FOR THE FIRST TIME IN SO LONG AND THANK YOU FOR BEING A LITTLE 283 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,536 BIT OF SPRINGTIME. Nick: THANK YOU FOR 284 00:19:30,536 --> 00:19:33,472 STANDING FOR SO LONG BEFORE SITTING DOWN. 285 00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:37,075 Stephen: IF YOU ENJOY IT, I CAN DO THE ENTIRE INTERVIEW. 286 00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:40,479 YOU ARE A GUEST. Nick: IT'S YOUR SHOW. 287 00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:43,549 PLEASE SIT, I'LL STAND. Stephen: I CAN'T BELIEVE 288 00:19:43,549 --> 00:19:45,183 THEY SAT DOWN. IT'S VERY RUDE OF THEM. 289 00:19:45,183 --> 00:19:47,419 Nick: VERY RUDE OF YOU TO SIT. 290 00:19:47,419 --> 00:19:50,522 I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO GET A STANDING O THAT LASTED THE 291 00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:54,526 ENTIRE INTERVIEW. BUT HERE'S WHERE WE ARE. 292 00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:57,696 Stephen: LAST TIME YOU AND I SPOKE TO EACH OTHER WAS IN 293 00:19:57,696 --> 00:20:03,035 2020 NEAR THE BEGINNING OF THE COVID. 294 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:07,172 Nick: THE SO-CALLED. Stephen: THE SO-CALLED. 295 00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:10,642 Nick: SO-CALLED PANDEMIC. Stephen: SO-CALLED, KILLED 296 00:20:10,642 --> 00:20:14,813 AMERICANS BY THE MILLIONS. IT'S NICE TO HAVE YOU IN PERSON 297 00:20:14,813 --> 00:20:19,051 I KNOW A LOT HAS GONE ON WITH YOU IN YOUR LIFE SINCE THEN. 298 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,285 YOU'RE MARRIED. AND YOU HAVE A BABY. 299 00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:25,624 Nick: I DO. NO APPLAUSE. 300 00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:29,027 THAT'S FINE. [APPLAUSE] 301 00:20:29,027 --> 00:20:31,396 IT'S JUST A CONVERSATION BETWEEN FRIENDS. 302 00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:33,498 YOU GUYS-- Stephen: HOW IS IT BEEN? 303 00:20:33,498 --> 00:20:39,438 Nick: HONESTLY, IT'S A DAMN NIGHTMARE, STEPHEN. 304 00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:42,274 Stephen: 2 YEARS OLD? Nick: I HAVE A 2-YEAR-OLD 305 00:20:42,274 --> 00:20:46,778 SON AND IT'S AMAZING. I WAS TALKING TO A FRIEND ABOUT 306 00:20:46,778 --> 00:20:50,916 THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD PART TWO AND I WAS EXPLAINING MY 307 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:55,587 CHARACTER. I WAS BUILD MY CHARACTERS FROM 308 00:20:55,587 --> 00:21:07,399 THE NAME UP. I GREW UP JEWISH AND THERE'S A 309 00:21:07,399 --> 00:21:10,869 STORY LINE THAT A LOT OF JEWISH FAMILIES HAVE, SOMEONE IN THEIR 310 00:21:10,869 --> 00:21:15,173 FAMILY HAD TO LEAVE RUSSIA BECAUSE THEY KILLED A CLASSIC 311 00:21:15,173 --> 00:21:20,379 WITH THEIR BARE HANDS. I THINK SCHMUCK MUDMAN WOULD BE 312 00:21:20,379 --> 00:21:25,851 FUNNY IF HE HAD TO LEAVE RUSSIA BECAUSE HE NUDGED A CAUSTIC TO 313 00:21:25,851 --> 00:21:27,753 DEATH. HE'S A REAL COWARD. 314 00:21:27,753 --> 00:21:32,024 MY 2-YEAR-OLD JUST SITS THERE AND FROM THE CORNER OF THE ROOM 315 00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:38,330 HE GOES "I AM A COWARD." I WAS LIKE, I DON'T KNOW IF 316 00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:43,468 THAT'S THE LEGACY I WANT TO LEAVE. 317 00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:45,604 Stephen: NOT BEFORE MOMMY OR DADDY. 318 00:21:45,604 --> 00:21:50,075 Nick: HE SAID "DADDY IS A COWARD." 319 00:21:50,075 --> 00:21:51,710 IT'S ABOUT INHERITED GENERATIONAL TRAUMA. 320 00:21:51,710 --> 00:21:55,213 Stephen: SURE. WHAT'S YOUR PARENTING STYLE 321 00:21:55,213 --> 00:21:56,648 LIKE? Nick: SEXY. 322 00:21:56,648 --> 00:21:59,484 SEXY DAD. Stephen: THAT'S A LOT OF 323 00:21:59,484 --> 00:22:10,896 PRESSURE. Nick: I AM A DILF. 324 00:22:10,896 --> 00:22:17,102 Stephen: I THINK OF MYSELF AS A ZADDY. 325 00:22:17,102 --> 00:22:23,241 Nick: I THINK OF YOU AS A CILF... 326 00:22:23,241 --> 00:22:32,617 A CATHOLIC I'D LIKE TO [BLEEP] Stephen: AND YOU WERE 327 00:22:32,617 --> 00:22:39,558 RAISED A JILF. ARE YOU ORTHODOX JILF? 328 00:22:39,558 --> 00:22:47,599 Nick: NO, I'M A MODERN-- I'M A NP JILF. 329 00:22:47,599 --> 00:22:52,571 I AM A NONPRACTICING I'D LIKE TO [BLEEP]. 330 00:22:52,571 --> 00:22:57,209 Stephen: AND THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE A FULL-LENGTH MIRROR. 331 00:22:57,209 --> 00:22:59,578 I DON'T KNOW IF ANY OF THIS IS GOING TO MAKE IT TO AIR. 332 00:22:59,578 --> 00:23:04,716 THIS IS A LOT OF FUN. SEXY DAD. 333 00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:09,454 Nick: YOU'RE A SEXY DAD. YOU'VE BEEN A SEXY DAD FOR A 334 00:23:09,454 --> 00:23:12,190 MINUTE. Stephen: MY KIDS ARE 335 00:23:12,190 --> 00:23:18,163 ALREADY-- Nick: ARE YOU A GILF? 336 00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:20,432 Stephen: NO! Nick: DO YOU LOOK FORWARD 337 00:23:20,432 --> 00:23:23,568 TO THE DAY WHEN YOU'LL BE ONE? Stephen: SURE, NO PRESSURE 338 00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:28,240 ON THE KIDS. I HAVE 17, 24, 21. 339 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,208 THEY ARE 6'2" AND STUFF. THEY ARE HUGE. 340 00:23:30,208 --> 00:23:33,145 THEY ARE BIG, THEY ARE TALL PEOPLE. 341 00:23:33,145 --> 00:23:36,414 Nick: THAT DOESN'T DECIDE WHEN THEY'RE GOING TO PROCREATE. 342 00:23:36,414 --> 00:23:40,185 Stephen: WHAT I AM SAYING IS THEY ARE NOT TWO. 343 00:23:40,185 --> 00:23:43,155 THEY ARE TERRIBLE BUT THEY ARE NOT TWO. 344 00:23:43,155 --> 00:23:46,291 Nick: I DON'T THINK MY SON HAS CHILDREN YET. 345 00:23:46,291 --> 00:23:48,627 Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 346 00:23:48,627 --> 00:23:50,762 WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE NICK KROLL, EVERYBODY. 347 00:23:50,762 --> 00:23:51,329 STICK AROUND. 348 00:23:57,435 --> 00:24:00,639 Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! LOOK AT THAT, WE ARE BACK WITH 349 00:24:00,639 --> 00:24:04,776 THE STAR OF "HISTORY OF THE WORLD: PART II." 350 00:24:04,776 --> 00:24:08,113 AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE JILF, NICK KROLL. 351 00:24:08,113 --> 00:24:10,949 THE NEW SERIES IS CALLED "HISTORY OF THE WORLD: PART II." 352 00:24:10,949 --> 00:24:14,653 OBVIOUSLY IT'S A SEQUEL TO "HISTORY OF THE WORLD PART ONE." 353 00:24:14,653 --> 00:24:17,355 AFTER 42 YEARS, WHY IS NOW THE TIME? 354 00:24:17,355 --> 00:24:21,526 Nick: THERE SHOULD ALWAYS BE 42 YEARS BETWEEN SEQUELS. 355 00:24:21,526 --> 00:24:28,500 THE NEXT "HISTORY OF THE WORLD:D PART THREE" WILL COME 42 YEARS 356 00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:34,606 FROM NOW. Stephen: SOME OF YOUR CAST, 357 00:24:34,606 --> 00:24:37,375 THE GREAT MEL BROOKS. Nick: YES. 358 00:24:37,375 --> 00:24:38,910 Stephen: COME ON. WHAT WAS IT LIKE ME TO HIM FOR 359 00:24:38,910 --> 00:24:44,382 FIRST TIME? Nick: I HAVE MET MEL. 360 00:24:44,382 --> 00:24:47,185 I CALL HIM MEL. WE ARE DEAR FRIENDS. 361 00:24:47,185 --> 00:24:54,726 ME AND MEL AND MARTY GET TOGETHER. 362 00:24:54,726 --> 00:25:03,735 MARTY SCRELLI. MARTIN SCRELLI. 363 00:25:03,735 --> 00:25:07,072 I WILL RECUT SO YOU CAN USE TH THIS. 364 00:25:07,072 --> 00:25:09,941 Stephen: DEFINITELY LEAVE THAT IN. 365 00:25:09,941 --> 00:25:11,910 DEFINITELY THAT IN. Nick: IT'S IN? 366 00:25:11,910 --> 00:25:13,545 IT MADE THE CUT? GREAT. 367 00:25:13,545 --> 00:25:18,183 THEY EDIT IN REAL-TIME. YOU GUYS DON'T REALIZE THIS. 368 00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:23,655 Stephen: WE ARE TAKING OUT ALL THE RACIST STUFF YOU SAID, 369 00:25:23,655 --> 00:25:31,129 RIGHT? Nick: THE RACIST STUFF WITH 370 00:25:31,129 --> 00:25:31,830 STEPHEN. IS THIS-- 371 00:25:31,830 --> 00:25:36,601 WHICH IS? OKAY. 372 00:25:36,601 --> 00:25:39,604 SO WE'VE JUST GOT TO GET HIS FACE STILL AND THEN WE CAN PUT 373 00:25:39,604 --> 00:25:45,844 IN ALL THE STUFF ABOUT THE CATHOLICS AND THE JEWS. 374 00:25:45,844 --> 00:25:51,182 Stephen: THAT SOUNDS GREAT. YOU AND MARTY. 375 00:25:51,182 --> 00:25:55,153 Nick: MEL. I MET MEL BROOKS. 376 00:25:55,153 --> 00:26:00,425 HE'S MY HERO. GENUINELY TRULY. 377 00:26:00,425 --> 00:26:06,298 IT IS A GENUINE, IT'S TRULY A HIGHLIGHT OF MY LIFE THAT I GOT 378 00:26:06,298 --> 00:26:12,404 TO GET A CALL FROM HIM TO HELP HIM MAKE THIS SHOW. 379 00:26:12,404 --> 00:26:16,107 I OWNED "HISTORY OF THE WORLD PART ONE" ON VHS. 380 00:26:16,107 --> 00:26:20,946 I OWN ALL OF HIS MOVIES. "YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN." 381 00:26:20,946 --> 00:26:22,781 "THE PRODUCERS." BUT WHEN YOU COULDN'T HAVE SEEN 382 00:26:22,781 --> 00:26:25,116 IT WHEN IT CAME OUT. YOU WERE TOO YOUNG. 383 00:26:25,116 --> 00:26:32,324 Nick: I WAS TOO YOUNG BUT I WAS ABLE TO PROCURE TRENCH COAT. 384 00:26:32,324 --> 00:26:34,059 SPEETWO'S DECK TO MYSELF AND OTHER TODDLERS AND WE GOT INTO 385 00:26:34,059 --> 00:26:42,968 THE FILM. Nick: GREGORY HINES IS 386 00:26:42,968 --> 00:26:46,104 AMAZING. TRUE COMEDIC HERO. 387 00:26:46,104 --> 00:26:50,675 I GOT THE CALL TO BE PART OF THE SHOW, IT WAS A HIGHLIGHT TO HAVE 388 00:26:50,675 --> 00:26:54,179 THAT MOMENT. MY BROTHER SHOWED ME ALL OF HIS 389 00:26:54,179 --> 00:26:56,114 MOVIES WHEN I WAS VERY, VERY YOUNG. 390 00:26:56,114 --> 00:26:58,717 HE SHOWED ME ALL OF THOSE MOVIES AND THEN SHOWED ME THE EXORCIST 391 00:26:58,717 --> 00:27:03,822 WHEN I WAS FIVE. IT WAS REAL MOMENTS IN MY LIFE 392 00:27:03,822 --> 00:27:04,923 WHERE I COULD'VE GONE EITHER WAY. 393 00:27:04,923 --> 00:27:08,526 I COULD HAVE GOTTEN INTO COMEDY OR DEMONIC POSSESSION. 394 00:27:08,526 --> 00:27:13,565 I THINK I MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE. WORKING WITH MEL HAS BEEN REALLY 395 00:27:13,565 --> 00:27:15,934 ONE OF THE TRUE HIGHLIGHTS OF MY LIFE. 396 00:27:15,934 --> 00:27:19,871 I GOT TO ASKING QUESTIONS THE PROCESS. 397 00:27:19,871 --> 00:27:24,242 YOU KNOW, IN YOUR SHOW OF SHOWS, WHAT WAS THE LUNCH ORDER? 398 00:27:24,242 --> 00:27:26,211 Stephen: OH, MY GOD. I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW. 399 00:27:26,211 --> 00:27:33,418 Nick: IT WITH A TURKEY SANDWICH WITH ON WITH ONE SLICEF 400 00:27:33,418 --> 00:27:37,822 PASTRAMI BECAUSE YOU NEED A LITTLE SOMETHING. 401 00:27:37,822 --> 00:27:38,957 Stephen: THAT'S NOT HIS ORDER NOW? 402 00:27:38,957 --> 00:27:44,062 THAT WAS WHEN HE WAS A YOUNG GUY DOING "SHOW OF SHOWS." 403 00:27:44,062 --> 00:27:46,264 Nick: I CAN'T REVEAL IT. Stephen: WHAT HIS ORDER IS 404 00:27:46,264 --> 00:27:47,632 NOW. THEY CAN TRACK HIM. 405 00:27:47,632 --> 00:27:52,404 Nick: YOU KNOW HOW THE DEEP STATE IS. 406 00:27:52,404 --> 00:27:56,041 Stephen: SURE. Nick: IT WAS A TRUE-- 407 00:27:56,041 --> 00:28:02,247 DOING THE SHOW, IT IS WITH IKE BARINHOLTZ AND WANDA SYKES. 408 00:28:02,247 --> 00:28:04,816 INSANE CASTOR PEOPLE. ALL OF WHOM ARE MASSIVE FANS OF 409 00:28:04,816 --> 00:28:08,219 MEL BROOKS, WANT TO CARRY ON THE TRADITION. 410 00:28:08,219 --> 00:28:10,688 IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED HIS MOVIES, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND. 411 00:28:10,688 --> 00:28:19,597 IS IT COOL FOR ME TO PROMOTE? Stephen: 100%. 412 00:28:19,597 --> 00:28:22,600 "THE PRODUCERS," BASEBALLS, "HISTORY OF THE WORLD: PART I," 413 00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:24,502 BLAZING SADDLES, YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN, THE LIST GOES ON. 414 00:28:24,502 --> 00:28:30,141 TO BE OR NOT TO BE, 12 CHAIRS, HE IS A GENIUS AND WE ARE ALL 415 00:28:30,141 --> 00:28:32,977 HERE DOING COMEDY IT'S IN PART BECAUSE OF THE FOUNDATIONS THAT 416 00:28:32,977 --> 00:28:37,549 MEL LAID FOR US. TO DO THE SHOW WHICH I THINK IS 417 00:28:37,549 --> 00:28:42,654 AN UPDATED VERSION OF WHAT HE WAS DOING IN A CURRENT A 418 00:28:42,654 --> 00:28:44,089 CONTEXT. IT'S TRULY AMAZING CAST. 419 00:28:44,089 --> 00:28:47,358 ONE OF THE GREAT HONORS OF MY LIFE TO DO THIS. 420 00:28:47,358 --> 00:28:50,028 Stephen: CAN I TELL YOU, THE ONLY TIME I MET MEL BROOKS, 421 00:28:50,028 --> 00:28:53,731 IT WAS AMAZING. I WAS AT THE EMMYS AND I'M 422 00:28:53,731 --> 00:28:56,835 LEANING OVER AT THE BAR LIKE THAT AND CAVETT COMES BY AND 423 00:28:56,835 --> 00:29:01,940 CAVETT GOES, DO YOU WANT TO MEET MEL BROOKS? 424 00:29:01,940 --> 00:29:05,810 I SAID YES. THEN HE SAID COME WITH ME BEFORE 425 00:29:05,810 --> 00:29:09,080 ONE OF US DIES. DISPUTE WHO HE IS 96 AND HE IS 426 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,716 STILL FUNNY, HE SHOWED UP AT THE MIRROR AND WE DO KNOW HE WAS 427 00:29:11,716 --> 00:29:14,152 GOING TO COME OR NOT AND THEY LEFT THE CAR OUT FRONT OF HIS 428 00:29:14,152 --> 00:29:19,023 HOUSE AND HE CAME. YOU LEAVE A CAR OUT FOR 429 00:29:19,023 --> 00:29:22,494 SOMEBODY. THEY WILL PROBABLY [BLEEP] 430 00:29:22,494 --> 00:29:25,697 SHOW UP. Stephen: YOU WOULD. 431 00:29:25,697 --> 00:29:28,166 Nick: HE CAME IN HE TALKED ABOUT THE WEATHER AND IT WAS SO 432 00:29:28,166 --> 00:29:31,369 FUNNY. HE HAS JOKES, WHEN YOU TALK TO 433 00:29:31,369 --> 00:29:34,272 MEL BROOKS. HE STILL HAS BITS THAT IS LIKE, 434 00:29:34,272 --> 00:29:36,975 I HAVE AN IDEA. IT'S AT THE SIGNING OF 435 00:29:36,975 --> 00:29:39,277 APPOMATTOX AND ROBERT E. LEE SIGNED THE TREATY AND THEN TO 436 00:29:39,277 --> 00:29:43,014 GET 70s GOT HIS SWORD AND THEN HE TURNS AND HE KNOCKS THREE 437 00:29:43,014 --> 00:29:48,486 SOLDIERS IN THE BALLS AND HE'S GOT THESE JOKES THAT HE HAS HAD 438 00:29:48,486 --> 00:29:52,190 READY TO GO FOR LIKE 40 YEARS. THERE IS LIKE A VAULT OF MEL 439 00:29:52,190 --> 00:29:59,164 BROOKS ALTS THAT DIDN'T GET IN. Stephen: HOW MANY OF THE 440 00:29:59,164 --> 00:30:01,933 JOKES END WITH THREE GUYS GETTING HIT IN THE BALLS? 441 00:30:01,933 --> 00:30:04,502 Nick: THAT'S WHAT HE'S PITCHING FOR THE END OF OUR 442 00:30:04,502 --> 00:30:05,370 SEGMENT. Stephen: WE JUST NEED ONE 443 00:30:05,370 --> 00:30:10,041 MORE GUY. NICK, SO LOVELY TO SEE YOU. 444 00:30:10,041 --> 00:30:11,943 Nick: THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. 445 00:30:11,943 --> 00:30:13,678 Stephen: WE COULD TALK ALL NIGHT. 446 00:30:13,678 --> 00:30:20,919 Nick: LET'S DO IT. LET'S-- 447 00:30:20,919 --> 00:30:25,056 [BLEEP] JIM HIMES. 448 00:30:25,056 --> 00:30:26,124 SORRY. Stephen: YOU'RE NOT FROM 449 00:30:26,124 --> 00:30:29,827 CONNECTICUT, ARE YOU? Nick: NOT FROM CONNECTICUT. 450 00:30:29,827 --> 00:30:32,530 [BLEEP] CONNECTICUT. SPEND THE FIRST TWO EPISODES OF 451 00:30:32,530 --> 00:30:36,100 "HISTORY OF THE WORLD: PART II" ARE STREAMING OUT ON WHO WILL. 452 00:30:36,100 --> 00:30:38,336 THAT'S NICK KROLL, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 453 00:30:38,336 --> 00:30:40,471 REPRESENTATIVE JIM HIMES. 454 00:30:54,619 --> 00:30:55,753 ♪ ♪ Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK. 455 00:30:55,753 --> 00:30:58,423 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST HAVE SERVED IN CONGRESS 456 00:30:58,423 --> 00:31:00,692 FOR 14 YEARS WERE PRESENTING THE STATE OF CONNECTICUT. 457 00:31:00,692 --> 00:31:06,030 PLEASE WELCOME REPRESENTATIVE JIM HIMES. 458 00:31:06,030 --> 00:31:13,304 CONGRESSMAN, THANKS FOR BEING HERE. 459 00:31:13,304 --> 00:31:17,108 ♪ ♪ CONGRESSMAN LET'S GET STRAIGHT 460 00:31:17,108 --> 00:31:20,645 TO THE HEAT OF THE MEAT. YOU'RE IN THE GANG OF EIGHT 461 00:31:20,645 --> 00:31:23,715 WHICH IS THE TERM FOR EIGHT LEADERS IN CONGRESS TO GET 462 00:31:23,715 --> 00:31:26,651 BRIEFED ON HIGHLY CLASSIFIED INTELLIGENCE MATTERS. 463 00:31:26,651 --> 00:31:28,853 Congressman Himes: ONE OF THE SCARIEST GANGS YOU CAN BE 464 00:31:28,853 --> 00:31:30,288 PART OF. Stephen: HOW DID YOU GET 465 00:31:30,288 --> 00:31:32,156 IN? DO YOU HAVE TO PROVE YOU CAN 466 00:31:32,156 --> 00:31:34,058 KEEP A SECRET? IS THERE HAZING? 467 00:31:34,058 --> 00:31:36,127 Congressman Himes: THE LEADERS OF THE TWO INTELLIGENCE 468 00:31:36,127 --> 00:31:39,931 COMMITTEES AND THE TWO CHAMBERS. NEED TO GET ELECTED AND 469 00:31:39,931 --> 00:31:42,467 APPOINTED. Stephen: THE SENATORS AND 470 00:31:42,467 --> 00:31:43,735 CONGRESSMEN? Congressman Himes: SCHUMER 471 00:31:43,735 --> 00:31:49,874 AND McCONNELL, THE WHOLE CREW. Stephen: ON A SCALE OF 1 TO E 472 00:31:49,874 --> 00:31:55,413 BIGGEST SECRET THAT YOU KNOW BLOW OUR MINDS? 473 00:31:55,413 --> 00:32:00,418 Congressman Himes: 12. Stephen: SEMISERIOUS, 474 00:32:00,418 --> 00:32:03,388 REALLY? THE BIGGEST SECRET YOU KNOW 475 00:32:03,388 --> 00:32:05,923 WOULD BLOW OUR MINDS BEYOND THE ABILITY TO COMPREHEND. 476 00:32:05,923 --> 00:32:07,892 Congressman Himes: THE AMAZING THING DOING WHAT I DO 477 00:32:07,892 --> 00:32:10,962 AND IT MOSTLY HAPPENS MAN CLOSE DOORS, YOU SEE THE THREATS THAT 478 00:32:10,962 --> 00:32:12,430 MAYBE YOU DON'T SEE EVERY SLOW DAY. 479 00:32:12,430 --> 00:32:13,765 Stephen: I DON'T WANT TO SEE. 480 00:32:13,765 --> 00:32:16,134 Congressman Himes: YOU ALSO SEE THAT CREDIBLE PEOPLE AND 481 00:32:16,134 --> 00:32:22,674 ASSETS AND TECHNOLOGY THAT WE HAVE PUT AGAINST THOSE THREATS. 482 00:32:22,674 --> 00:32:24,575 PAID FOR WITH YOUR TAXPAYER DOLLARS. 483 00:32:24,575 --> 00:32:30,815 I WANT TO GET TO UFOs. WE'VE HEARD ABOUT THE CHINESE 484 00:32:30,815 --> 00:32:34,285 SPY BALLOON WHICH EVIDENTLY IS NOT THE FIRST CHINESE SPY 485 00:32:34,285 --> 00:32:35,286 BALLOON, CORRECT? Congressman Himes: THAT'S 486 00:32:35,286 --> 00:32:36,654 RIGHT. IT'S BEEN ON THE OTHER AERIAL 487 00:32:36,654 --> 00:32:42,860 PHENOMENON THAT WO COULDN'T BE IDENTIFIED. 488 00:32:42,860 --> 00:32:44,962 THE CHINESE SPY BALLOON IS RECOVERED. 489 00:32:44,962 --> 00:32:47,365 Stephen: RIGHT OFF SOUTH CAROLINA. 490 00:32:47,365 --> 00:32:55,406 WE GOT THAT. Congressman Himes: LIKE 491 00:32:55,406 --> 00:32:56,674 EVERYTHING ELSE HE GOT VERY POLITICAL. 492 00:32:56,674 --> 00:32:57,742 THE PRESIDENT SHOULD HAVE SHOT IT DOWN FOR THE FACT IS WE COULD 493 00:32:57,742 --> 00:33:01,045 WATCH THIS BALLOON, ITS CAPABILITIES AS IT DRIFTED 494 00:33:01,045 --> 00:33:03,581 ACROSS THE UNITED STATES. HUGE INTELLIGENCE BOON FOR US 495 00:33:03,581 --> 00:33:07,018 AND NOW WE OWN THE THINGS ARE NOW AS YOU MIGHT IMAGINE THERE'S 496 00:33:07,018 --> 00:33:08,486 PRETTY SMART PEOPLE TAKE IT APART AND LOOKING AT IT. 497 00:33:08,486 --> 00:33:11,155 Stephen: WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER THREE THINGS THAT WERE 498 00:33:11,155 --> 00:33:21,332 SHOT DOWN? ONE OVER LAKE HURON, YUKON, 499 00:33:21,332 --> 00:33:23,334 ALASKA. HAVE THEY REALLY NOT BEEN 500 00:33:23,334 --> 00:33:24,435 RECOVERED? Congressman Himes: WHAT 501 00:33:24,435 --> 00:33:27,271 WOULD BLOW YOUR MIND IS THE AMOUNT OF GARBAGE DRIFTING 502 00:33:27,271 --> 00:33:31,376 AROUND UP THERE IN AN AWFUL LOT, I'M SORRY TO SAY, ALONG OFF A 503 00:33:31,376 --> 00:33:34,779 LOT OF WHAT PEOPLE THINK OUR UFOs IS JUST GARBAGE. 504 00:33:34,779 --> 00:33:38,316 I DIDN'T KNOW THIS BEFORE THE UFO HEARING, WE ARE SUPPOSED TO 505 00:33:38,316 --> 00:33:41,119 CALL IT UAP, UNIDENTIFIED AERIAL PHENOMENON. 506 00:33:41,119 --> 00:33:47,392 YOU CAN EXPLAIN MOST OF THE STUFF PEOPLE SEE BECAUSE, THE 507 00:33:47,392 --> 00:33:49,694 NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE PUTS UP A COUPLE HUNDRED BALLOONS EVERY 508 00:33:49,694 --> 00:33:52,029 DAY AND THEY DON'T COLLECT THEM ALL. 509 00:33:52,029 --> 00:33:56,200 ANYWAY, THE OTHER THREE THINGS. THERE IS A MICHIGAN BALLOON 510 00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:58,436 WHETHER OPERATORS CLUB THAT PUT SOMETHING UP AND LOST IT. 511 00:33:58,436 --> 00:34:02,373 MOST OF IT IS GARBAGE. HONESTLY. 512 00:34:02,373 --> 00:34:05,543 Stephen: THE BALLOONS. NOT MICHIGAN? 513 00:34:05,543 --> 00:34:07,512 [LAUGHTER] IT'S A BEAUTIFUL STATE. 514 00:34:07,512 --> 00:34:11,349 Congressman Himes: THERE GOES THE PRESIDENTIAL RUN. 515 00:34:11,349 --> 00:34:15,086 Stephen: WHAT ABOUT, A COUPLE YEARS AGO WE GOT THESE 516 00:34:15,086 --> 00:34:19,524 REPORTS FROM THE NEEDY MOSTLY OF PILOTS TELLING US THEY WERE 517 00:34:19,524 --> 00:34:23,327 DOING OPERATIONS OFF THE COAST OF NORTH CAROLINA, MILITARY 518 00:34:23,327 --> 00:34:27,031 FLIGHT OPERATIONS, EVEN AT THE EGRESS POINTS OF THAT AREA THEY 519 00:34:27,031 --> 00:34:30,268 WOULD SEE THESE UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECTS. 520 00:34:30,268 --> 00:34:34,939 THEY WOULD PICK IT UP ON RADAR, INFRARED, VISUAL SIGHTINGS, THEY 521 00:34:34,939 --> 00:34:39,544 WOULD DO TRANS MACH SPEED. THEY WOULD GO INTO THE WATER. 522 00:34:39,544 --> 00:34:42,447 THEY WOULD SHOW UP ON SOMEONE ELSE'S RADAR. 523 00:34:42,447 --> 00:34:45,817 WHAT IS THAT? HAVE YOU BEEN BRIEFED ON THAT? 524 00:34:45,817 --> 00:34:48,786 Congressman Himes: WE HAVE. Stephen: SHOULD I BE 525 00:34:48,786 --> 00:34:49,720 WORRIED? Congressman Himes: LET'S 526 00:34:49,720 --> 00:34:53,891 GET TO THAT. WE'VE GOT THE NAVY IN THE LEAD 527 00:34:53,891 --> 00:34:57,295 POSITION LOOKING AT WHAT THESE THINGS ARE BECAUSE IT'S LARGELY 528 00:34:57,295 --> 00:35:03,434 PILOTS THAT ARE IN F-18 OR F-35S ONLY SEE THESE THINGS, UNCLE JOE 529 00:35:03,434 --> 00:35:06,204 ON THE PORCH AFTER A COUPLE BOURBONS SEE THESE TOO BUT WE 530 00:35:06,204 --> 00:35:09,207 TRUST THE NAVY PILOTS WERE SEEING THESE THINGS AND THEY 531 00:35:09,207 --> 00:35:11,108 HAVE SENSORS SO IT'S NOT JUST WHAT THEY SEE. 532 00:35:11,108 --> 00:35:13,478 IF A SENSOR PICKED SOMETHING UP YOU KNOW THERE'S SOMETHING 533 00:35:13,478 --> 00:35:14,812 THERE. SO HERE'S THE INTERESTING ANSWER 534 00:35:14,812 --> 00:35:18,883 YOUR QUESTION. IF YOU GO THROUGH THE COUPLE 535 00:35:18,883 --> 00:35:21,486 HUNDRED INCIDENTS WHERE A PILOT SIDE. 536 00:35:21,486 --> 00:35:25,957 THE SENSORS PICKED IT UP. WE CAN EXPLAIN ALMOST ALL OF IT. 537 00:35:25,957 --> 00:35:30,661 IN OTHER WORDS, IT WAS A WEATHER BALLOON, ANOTHER PLANE. 538 00:35:30,661 --> 00:35:33,097 I'M NOT A PILOT BUT WHEN YOU'RE A PILOT MOVING AT HIGH SPEEDS 539 00:35:33,097 --> 00:35:36,300 AND THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE COMING AT YOU, THINGS LOOK 540 00:35:36,300 --> 00:35:38,903 STRANGE. AT NIGHT, OVER THE OCEAN. 541 00:35:38,903 --> 00:35:40,705 WE CAN EXPLAIN ALMOST EVERYTHING. 542 00:35:40,705 --> 00:35:43,007 THIS CAME OUT IN THE HEARING. THERE STILL A FEW THINGS THAT WE 543 00:35:43,007 --> 00:35:50,715 ARE NOT SURE ABOUT. Stephen: THE SOUND THE 544 00:35:50,715 --> 00:35:54,085 AUDIENCE MADE, DO YOU EVER MAKE THAT SOUND? 545 00:35:54,085 --> 00:35:57,288 YOU SO YOU'RE KNOCKING TO TELL ME ANYTHING. 546 00:35:57,288 --> 00:36:01,325 LET'S TALK ABOUT LAST WEEK "THE WALL STREET JOURNAL." 547 00:36:01,325 --> 00:36:04,028 DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY DETERMINED WITH "LOW CONFIDENCE" THAT COVID 548 00:36:04,028 --> 00:36:08,032 WAS A RESULT OF A LAB LEAK. WHAT IS LOW CONFIDENCE MEAN? 549 00:36:08,032 --> 00:36:10,501 Congressman Himes: WHENEVER ONE OF THE INTELLIGENCE AGENCIES 550 00:36:10,501 --> 00:36:13,604 COMES UP WITH AN ESTIMATE, THEY ATTACH A LEVEL OF CONFIDENCE TO 551 00:36:13,604 --> 00:36:16,474 IT SO WHAT HAPPENED AND IT MADE ALL THESE HEADLINES IS SOMETHING 552 00:36:16,474 --> 00:36:19,076 DRAMATIC AND CHANGED. THE DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY, ONE OF 553 00:36:19,076 --> 00:36:22,480 MORE THAN A DOZEN AND HALF OF OUR INTELLIGENCE AGENCIES, 554 00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:25,416 CHANGE THEIR EVALUATION TO BE SLIGHTLY HIGHER IN CONFIDENCE 555 00:36:25,416 --> 00:36:29,287 THAT IT WAS BEFORE. BOTTOM LINE ON THESE, THIS 556 00:36:29,287 --> 00:36:32,523 VIRUS, IT'S REALLY HARD TO FIGURE OUT WHERE A VIRUS CAME 557 00:36:32,523 --> 00:36:33,891 FROM. IF YOU CAN GET ALL THE 558 00:36:33,891 --> 00:36:35,726 INFORMATION. THE CHINESE ARE NOT SHARING 559 00:36:35,726 --> 00:36:38,195 INFORMATION WITH US. SO I'M NOT SURE WE'LL EVER GET 560 00:36:38,195 --> 00:36:40,164 TO AN ANSWER. Stephen: YOU WERE IN THE 561 00:36:40,164 --> 00:36:46,070 CAPITOL BUILDING ON JANUARY SIXTH AND YOU HAVE SAID BEFORE 562 00:36:46,070 --> 00:36:48,039 THAT IT FELT, I AM PARAPHRASING, IT FELT LIKE AN ENDING MOMENT 563 00:36:48,039 --> 00:36:50,141 FOR DEMOCRACY. BUT LATELY YOU HAVE BEEN MORE 564 00:36:50,141 --> 00:36:52,143 HELPFUL. WHAT IS GIVING YOU HOPE? 565 00:36:52,143 --> 00:36:57,315 Congressman Himes: I WONDERED, I WAS ONE OF THE LAST 566 00:36:57,315 --> 00:37:00,685 GUYS OUT OF THE CAPITOL. I WAS UP IN THE GALLERY. 567 00:37:00,685 --> 00:37:02,787 THEY SEPARATED US BECAUSE OF COVID. 568 00:37:02,787 --> 00:37:04,922 THEY CLEARED THE FLOOR. THEY WERE SEVEN OR EIGHT MEMBERS 569 00:37:04,922 --> 00:37:07,224 IN THE GALLERY AND THEY DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO GET US OUT AND I WAS 570 00:37:07,224 --> 00:37:12,063 ONE OF THE LAST GUYS OUT AND AS I LEFT, THIS HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE 571 00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:15,967 MOMENT OF INCREDIBLE VIOLENCE. AMERICANS ATTACKING THEIR OWN 572 00:37:15,967 --> 00:37:18,436 DEMOCRACY. IT WAS A HUGE LOW POINTS. 573 00:37:18,436 --> 00:37:22,607 SINCE THEN, WHAT'S HAPPENED. IN THE LAST ELECTION, THE WORST 574 00:37:22,607 --> 00:37:25,576 OF THE ELECTION DENIERS, AND ELECTION DENIAL IS AT THE CORE 575 00:37:25,576 --> 00:37:32,183 OF WHAT HAPPENED ON JANUARY 6. DENIERS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY 576 00:37:32,183 --> 00:37:34,819 WERE DEFEATED IN AN ELECTION. THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE STANDING 577 00:37:34,819 --> 00:37:37,688 UP. THE MEDIA, FOR ALL OF ITS 578 00:37:37,688 --> 00:37:40,358 PROBLEMS AND EVERYTHING ELSE, IS ACTUALLY HOLDING CLEAR. 579 00:37:40,358 --> 00:37:43,594 WE ARE LEARNING ABOUT HOW FOX NEWS REALLY FELT INSIDE 580 00:37:43,594 --> 00:37:45,096 ABOUT THE ELECTION RESULTS DESPITE WHAT THEY WERE DOING 581 00:37:45,096 --> 00:37:46,631 OUTSIDE. Stephen: HOW DID THEY FEEL? 582 00:37:46,631 --> 00:37:50,601 I HAVEN'T READ IT? Congressman Himes: COMING 583 00:37:50,601 --> 00:37:58,876 TO A LAWSUIT NEAR YOU. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 584 00:37:58,876 --> 00:38:00,645 AND THE COURTS. ANYWAY, I CAN'T TELL YOU THAT I 585 00:38:00,645 --> 00:38:04,281 FEEL LIKE IS ONE OF THE LAST GUYS OUT OF THE CHAMBER THAT WE 586 00:38:04,281 --> 00:38:07,218 ARE ALL DONE. THERE IS A STACK, WHATEVER IT 587 00:38:07,218 --> 00:38:10,888 IS, 35% OF AMERICANS TO BELIEVE DONALD TRUMP WON THAT ELECTION. 588 00:38:10,888 --> 00:38:14,258 IF YOU BELIEVE THAT COMMUNICATIVE RUNNING TO THE 589 00:38:14,258 --> 00:38:18,295 EROSION OF OUR DEMOCRACY. AGAIN, I DON'T WANT TO BE 590 00:38:18,295 --> 00:38:22,133 SCHOOLMARM OR SHOULD IT. I REPRESENT A FAIRLY BLUE AREA. 591 00:38:22,133 --> 00:38:26,003 PART OF WHAT WE NEED TO DO AS MUCH AS WE CONDEMN ATTACKS ON 592 00:38:26,003 --> 00:38:30,441 OUR DEMOCRACY WE HAVE TO TRY TO UNPACK AND I SAW THESE FOLKS UP 593 00:38:30,441 --> 00:38:33,244 CLOSE AND PERSONAL. GUYS IN TACTICAL GEAR POINTING 594 00:38:33,244 --> 00:38:36,714 ASSAULT WEAPONS AT THEM. HOW DO WE UNDERSTAND HOW-- BUT 595 00:38:36,714 --> 00:38:39,784 THESE ARE FOLKS THAT YOU WOULD MEET AT CHURCH OR STARBUCKS. 596 00:38:39,784 --> 00:38:42,586 HOW DO THEY GET TO THE PLACE WHERE THEY WOULD BREAK A WINDOW, 597 00:38:42,586 --> 00:38:46,390 ATTACK A POLICE OFFICER, AND TRY TO DEMOCRATIC PROCESS? 598 00:38:46,390 --> 00:38:48,459 WE BETTER GET SERIOUS ABOUT UNDERSTANDING THAT I THINK PART 599 00:38:48,459 --> 00:38:51,462 OF THE ANSWER IS MUCH AS WE ARE GOING TO COME DOWN HARD ON THE 600 00:38:51,462 --> 00:38:54,298 LEGAL ASPECTS OF THAT BEHAVIOR IS TO HAVE, SHOULD TRY TO 601 00:38:54,298 --> 00:38:56,133 UNDERSTAND WHERE THAT COMES FROM. 602 00:38:56,133 --> 00:38:59,136 IF WE DON'T UNDERSTAND IT, WE CAN'T DEAL WITH IT. 603 00:38:59,136 --> 00:39:02,640 Stephen: YOUR JOB REQUIRES A LOT OF FOCUS. 604 00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:06,977 [APPLAUSE] YOUR JOB REQUIRES, YOU DEAL WITH 605 00:39:06,977 --> 00:39:10,381 A LOT OF PRESSURE. ONE OF THE WAYS YOU RELIEVE 606 00:39:10,381 --> 00:39:13,584 YOURSELF OF THAT PRESSURE ON THE WEEKENDS, EVERYBODY DESERVES A 607 00:39:13,584 --> 00:39:15,419 HOBBY. YOU HAVE AN ALL-IN-ONE. 608 00:39:15,419 --> 00:39:21,992 YOU HAVE A APIARY. YOU'RE A BEEKEEPER. 609 00:39:21,992 --> 00:39:23,461 WHY BEEKEEPING? Congressman Himes: IT'S 610 00:39:23,461 --> 00:39:27,798 TEMPTING TO SAY THAT IT'S A LOT LIKE BEING IN CONGRESS. 611 00:39:27,798 --> 00:39:30,034 THE BEES ARE FUNCTIONAL. THEY KNOW THEIR JOB. 612 00:39:30,034 --> 00:39:33,437 THEY WORK HARD EVERYTHING A DAY. IT'S NOTHING LIKE BEING IN 613 00:39:33,437 --> 00:39:37,041 CONGRESS. BY THE WAY, WE HAVE A LITTLE BIT 614 00:39:37,041 --> 00:39:39,543 OF-- Stephen: WHAT HAPPEN HERE? 615 00:39:39,543 --> 00:39:44,248 Congressman Himes: THIS IS FAIRFIELD COUNTY HONEY FROM THE 616 00:39:44,248 --> 00:39:46,584 APIARY. Stephen: 2022. 617 00:39:46,584 --> 00:39:52,022 GET A SHOT. IT SAYS "BIDEN OUR TIME." 618 00:39:52,022 --> 00:39:52,990 Congressman Himes: EVERYTHING IS POLITICAL. 619 00:39:52,990 --> 00:39:54,058 Stephen: THANK YOU, CONGRESSMAN. 620 00:39:54,058 --> 00:39:58,629 LOVELY TO TALK TO YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS. 621 00:39:58,629 --> 00:40:00,264 REPRESENTATIVE JIM HIMES EVERYBODY. 622 00:40:00,264 --> 00:40:04,401 AND HIS BEES. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 623 00:40:04,401 --> 00:40:04,902 THANK YOU 624 00:40:10,708 --> 00:40:11,809 Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY. 625 00:40:11,809 --> 00:40:14,445 TUNE IN TOMORROW. MY GUESTS WILL BE JAMES TAYLOR 626 00:40:14,445 --> 00:40:17,214 AND EVA LONGORIA. STICK AROUND FOR JAMES CORDEN. 627 00:40:17,214 --> 00:40:17,848 GOOD NIGHT. ♪ ♪