>> NEWS ABOUT KING CHARLES' CORONATION AND WHO HAS CHOSEN
NOT TO PERFORM. >> WHO'S DECLINED.
I MEAN, THIS IS A BIG SNUB HERE. THERE'S OUTLETS REPORTING THAT
ARTISTS LIKE ELTON JOHN, THE SPICE GIRLS, AND HARRY STYLES
ALL SAID "NO, WE'RE GONNA PASS." >> REPORTEDLY, FORMER PRESIDENT
DONALD TRUMP IS DJ'ING WEEKLY AT MAR-A-LAGO, PLAYING SONGS
FROM HIS iPAD. HE SAYS "Y.M.C.A." IS A CROWD
PLEASER. >> DO YOU HAVE A CORONATION
AROUND THE CORNER BUT CAN'T FIND ANYONE TO PERFORM MUSIC?
THEN LOOK NO FURTHER THAN DJT PRODUCTIONS, FOR WHEN YOU ONLY
WANT THE BEST AND THE BEST IS NOT AVAILABLE.
DJT WILL PUMP OUT THE JAMS. IMAGINE ASCENDING TO THE CROWN
TO THE SOUNDS OF THIS... >> ♪ IN THE HOUSE ♪
♪ DONALD TRUMP ♪ ♪ IN THE HOUSE ♪
♪ CHARLES, YOU'RE THE KING ♪ ♪ Y.M.C.A. ♪
>> SO GET YOUR CORONATION STARTED WITH DJT PRODUCTIONS
TODAY. ALSO AVAILABLE FOR WEDDINGS,
BAR MITZVAHS, AND COUPS. >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." TONIGHT...
A LEAK OF THEIR OWN. FIRST, STEPHEN WELCOMES...
DAMIAN LEWIS AND U.S. AMBASSADOR TO THE U.N.
LINDA THOMAS-GREENFIELD. FEATURING LOUIS CATO
AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND. AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE
FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY,
IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT. >> Stephen: HEY!
♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER] [CHEERING]
HAPPY MONDAY, EVERYBODY. WELCOME.
WELCOME ONE AT ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
HOW IS EVERYBODY DOING TONIGHT? [CHEERING]
I DON'T KNOW WHY. THE WORLD IS UPSIDE DOWN.
WE'RE SHOOTING BALLOONS WITH MILLION DOLLAR MISSILES,
WE'VE GOT TOXIC RUNOFF IN OUR RIVERS, AND THE TOP FORM
OF ENTERTAINMENT IS WATCHING A COKED-UP BEAR COMMIT MURDERS.
THANKS TO CLIMATE CHANGE, THIS WEEKEND, LOS ANGELES GOT
A BIG OLD SNOWSTORM, AND NOT JUST WAY UP IN THE MOUNTAINS,
EVEN THE HOLLYWOOD SIGN GOT DUSTED WITH SNOW.
CALIFORNIA KIDS MADE SNOW-BROS. LOOK HOW CUTE THAT IS.
BUT THEN AGAIN, CALIFORNIA DESERVED TO HAVE SOME FUN,
'CAUSE I BELIEVE CALIFORNIA'S ONLY OTHER WEATHER OPTION
IS "FIRE." I WAS IN LOS ANGELES THIS
WEEKEND, I'M NOT GONNA SAY WHY. I'LL JUST SAY IN A TOTALLY
UNRELATED STORY, THIS THURSDAY MY GUEST WILL BE
MR. STEPHEN SPIELBERG. SPIELBERG.
NO BIG DEAL. WHILE I WAS OUT THERE, I WENT TO
THE PRODUCERS GUILD AWARDS, AND WHEN I WAS BACKSTAGE,
THIS IS TRUE, I MET TOM CRUISE.
HE'S NORMAL HEIGHT. HERE'S THE THING, THE MOMENT
HE SHOOK MY HAND, I GAINED THE ABILITY TO FLY AN AIRPLANE.
I DON'T KNOW HOW HE DID IT, I DON'T KNOW WHY HE DID IT,
BUT TOM, IF YOU'RE WATCHING, THANK YOU.
TALK TO ME, GOOSE. NOW, HERE'S ANOTHER SURPRISING
DEVELOPMENT THIS WEEKEND: THE DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY
RELEASED A NEW REPORT SAYING, A LAB LEAK IS THE MOST LIKELY
ORIGIN OF THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC. WELL, THERE IT IS!
CHINESE WET MARKETS, YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK.
LET'S ORDER A ROUND OF PANGOLIN POPPERS FOR THE TABLE!
I LOVE A NICE PLATE OF WET APPS! CAN WE GET SOME CIVIT FINGERS.
NOW, IF LIKE ME, YOU'RE WONDERING WHY THE DEPARTMENT
OF ENERGY IS THE ONE MAKING THIS JUDGEMENT, IT'S BECAUSE THAT
AGENCY OVERSEES A NETWORK OF U.S. NATIONAL LABORATORIES,
SOME OF WHICH CONDUCT ADVANCED BIOLOGICAL RESEARCH.
NO. NO!
BAD ENERGY DEPARTMENT. NO BIO LABS
UNTIL YOU FINISH BUILDING YOUR ELECTRIC CAR CHARGING
STATIONS! STAY IN YOUR LANE!
YOU DON'T SEE... YOU DON'T SEE...
YOU DON'T SEE THE CENSUS BUREAU BUILDING NUKES.
BUT WHATEVER. WHO AM I TO SAY?
THEY ARE THE ENERGY BAR. I'M SURE THEY'RE SMART.
THEY WOULDN'T RELEASE THESE FINDINGS UNLESS THEY
WERE ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENT -- WHAT'S THAT?
THEY MADE THEIR JUDGMENT WITH "LOW CONFIDENCE."
YEAH, YOU COULD TELL BY THE WAY THEY DELIVERED THE NEWS.
"UM, MAYBE IT WAS A LAB LEAK? THAT'S STUPID.
FORGET I SAID ANYTHING." NOW, IT TURNS OUT, NOT EVERYONE
IN THE GOVERNMENT AGREES. SEE, WHILE THE DEPARTMENT OF
ENERGY SUSPECTS IT WAS A LAB LEAK, FOUR OTHER AGENCIES,
ALONG WITH A NATIONAL INTELLIGENCE PANEL, STILL JUDGE
THAT THE PANDEMIC WAS LIKELY THE RESULT OF A NATURAL
TRANSMISSION, AND THE CIA REMAINS UNDECIDED.
IN FACT, THE CIA ISSUED THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT.
"WHICH VIRUS? NO, THAT ONE WASN'T US."
HUH? THAT WAS NOT.
THERE WAS ALSO NO THEORY PUT FORTH BY, QUOTE,
"ANOTHER AGENCY THAT OFFICIALS WOULDN'T NAME."
WAIT A SECOND. THERE IS A UNITED STATES
INTELLIGENCE AGENCIES SO SECRET THEY CAN'T EVEN SAY ITS NAME?
IS IT RUMPELSTILTSKIN? IS IT FIGHT --
VOLDEMORT! ANYWAY, WE'LL HAVE MORE ON THIS
STORY AS SOON AS ANYONE HAS ANYTHING THEY CAN PROVE.
SPEAKING OF DEADLY LEAKS, REMEMBER ALL THAT TOXIC SLUDGE
FROM THE TRAIN DERAILMENT DOWN IN OHIO?
WELL, THERE'S SOME GOOD NEWS. IT'S FINALLYSTARTING
TO LEAVE OHIO. THE BAD NEWS: IT COULD BE COMING
TO YOU. BECAUSE SOIL AND WATER
FROM THE TRAIN WRECK WERE TAKEN TO MICHIGAN AND TEXAS
WITHOUT WARNING. AND NO SURPRISE,
MICHIGAN AND TEXAS WEREN'T HAPPY WITH THIS SURPRISE, SO THE EPA
STOPPED THE SHIPMENTS OF TOXIC WASTE, AND THE NEW PLAN IS TO
SCHLEP IT BACK TO VARIOUS LOCATIONS IN OHIO, INCLUDING THE
TOWN OF EAST LIVERPOOL, WHICH IS LITERALLY ON THE OHIO RIVER.
NOT THE BEST CONTAINMENT PLAN. "ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, IT'S SAFE
TO GO BACK IN THE POOL. WE SCOOPED THE DIAPER OUT OF THE
DEEP END AND WE PLACED IT SAFELY AT THE TOP OF THE WATER SLIDE!
ALL RIGHT. EVERYBODY IN!"
BUT EVEN THAT MIGHT NOT EVEN BE REALLY?
TOXIC WASTE. EVEN THAT MIGHT NOT EVEN BE
THE MOST DISTURBING PART OF THIS STORY.
THE MOST DISTURBING POINT, IT TURNS OUT, IS NOT TELLING PEOPLE
WHERE HAZARDOUS WASTE IS GOING IS STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURE.
EVEN OHIO GOVERNOR MIKE DEWINE WAS NOT BRIEFED ON WHERE IN THE
COUNTRY THE SHIPMENTS WOULD BE SENT, WHICH, REPORTEDLY,
IS TYPICAL. AND A TEXAS OFFICIAL WHO WAS
OUTRAGED TO RECEIVE A SURPRISE SHIPMENT NOTED THAT
THERE'S NO LEGAL REQUIREMENT FOR HER OFFICE TO BE NOTIFIED.
GOOD LORD, DOES THE TRAIN INDUSTRY HAVE ANY RULES?
IS "MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS"
AN INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO? EVEN THOUGH IT'S BEEN ALMOST A
MONTH SINCE THE ORIGINAL CRASH, PRESIDENT BIDEN STILL HASN'T
VISITED WHICH REPORTERS ASKED HIM ABOUT ON FRIDAY.
>> I WAS NOT -- I DID A WHOLE VIDEO --
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, THE -- WHAT THE HELL -- ON --
>> ZOOM? >> ZOOM!
ZOOM. ALL I CAN HEAR EVERY TIME I
THINK OF ZOOM IS THAT SONG OF MY GENERATION,
"WHO'S ZOOMIN' WHO?" >> Stephen: REALLY?
WE ALL GO UP ON WORDS. EVERY SO OFTEN.
"WHO'S ZOOMIN' WHO?" IS THE SONG OF YOUR GENERATION?
ARETHA FRANKLIN'S "WHO'S ZOOMIN WHO" CAME
OUT IN 1985. SIR, THE SONG OF YOUR GENERATION
IS "GREGORIAN CHANT." DEUS ERA.
WE'VE ALSO GOT NEWS FROM SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO RUN AGAINST BIDEN.
TURNS OUT, THE FORMER PRESIDENT IS MAR-A-LAGO'S RESIDENT DJ.
THAT'S GOTTA BE FUN. "AW, HONEY, HE'S PLAYING
OUR SONG: A LONG RANT ABOUT
LOW-FLUSH TOILETS." APPARENTLY, THE EX-PRESIDENT DJs
EVERY THURSDAY, BUT HE DOESN'T SPIN FROM A BOOTH.
ACCORDING TO AN INSIDER, HE CONTROLS THE MUSIC
ON AN iPAD, USUALLY FROM HIS TABLE, SO HE EATS AND PLAYS.
IT'S A DJ STYLE THE CLUB KIDS CALL "TODDLER AT OLIVE GARDEN."
[APPLAUSE] THE FORMER PRESIDENT WAS ASKED
ABOUT HIS DJ'ING IN A PODCAST INTERVIEW, AND HE HAD THIS TO
SAY. >> DO YOU ACTUALLY SPIN OR --
>> NO, I DON'T SPIN BUT I PICK. I PICK THE ONES I LIKE.
>> Stephen: THEN YOU'RE NOT A DJ!
"I'M A CHEF. I'M A CHEF.
I DON'T COOK. I JUST LOOK AT THE MENU
AND I PICK. I PICK THE ONES I LIKE.
AND I EAT THE ONES I PICK." BING BONG.
THE EX-PRESIDENT ALSO RAN DOWN WHICH MUSIC HE LIKES THE MOST.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT GETS THEM ROCKING?
"Y.M.C.A." >> Stephen: OH, YEAH, HE LOVES
TO PLAY "Y.M.C.A." THE ONLY PROBLEM IS,
SOMETIMES HE FORGETS HOW TO SPELL IT.
DID YOU SAY "AWW?" ARE YOU WORRIED THAT THE
PRESIDENT IS ILLITERATE?
THANKFULLY, THAT GUY IS OUT OF OFFICE, AND THE WORLD
HAS MORE STEADY, SANE LEADERSHIP.
LIKE THE PRESIDENT OF MEXICO, ANDRES MANUEL LOPEZ OBRADOR,
WHO, OVER THE WEEKEND, POSTED A PHOTO OF WHAT HE CLAIMS
IS AN ELF. THAT'S EXCITING NEWS!
I THOUGHT ALL THE ELVES LEFT FOR VALINOR AT THE END OF
THE MOVIE. ELROND, CALL ME.
WE HAVE SO MUCH TO CATCH YOU UP ON!
DO YOU KNOW ABOUT COCAINE BEAR? THIS ELF SIGHTING IS THE MOST
AMAZING SUPERNATURAL ALLEGATION BY A PRESIDENT SINCE
FDR SAID THIS. >> THE ONLY THING WE HAVE
TO FEAR IS THE LOCHNESS MONSTER!
OH, RIGHT, THAT'S A "SUBMARINE?"
WAKE UP, SHEEPLE! >> Stephen: LOPEZ OBRADOR
IS ALL-IN. HE CLAIMED THE PHOTO
"WAS TAKEN THREE DAYS AGO" AND THAT
"EVERYTHING IS MYSTICAL." ADDING, "OOH, I THINK THE EDIBLE
IS KICKING IN. GUYS, COME PET THE DOG.
IT FEELS SO COOL!" SO FAIR IS FAIR.
HE'S THE PRESIDENT OF MEXICO. I'M NOT.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THIS MYSTICAL, BEAUTIFUL
REAL-LIFE ELF! UH-HUH.
IS THIS WHAT ELVES LOOK LIKE IN MEXICO?
IF SO, I DO NOT WANT TO TRY THEIR KEEBLER COOKIES.
BUT AGAIN, HE'S THE PRESIDENT OF MEXICO, WHO AM I TO JUDGE.
LET'S LISTEN TO HIS SPEECH FROM LAST NIGHT.
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. BY NOW MOST PEOPLE HAVE SEEN THE
PHOTO I POSTED OF THE MAGICAL ELVES BUT SINCE THAT PHOTO, I'VE
HAD ONE ENCOUNTERS WITH THE ELF LIKE WHEN THE ELF RETURNED.
AND WENT THROUGH MY TRASH. WE ARE USING A BROOM TO COAX
THE ELF OUT, HE HISSED ME WITH HIS TEETH. I BELEIVE HE PASSED
HIS MAGIC ON TO ME.
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUESTS ARE DAMIAN LEWIS AND THE UNITED STATES AMBASSADOR TO
THE UNITED NATIONS, LINDA THOMAS-GREENFIELD.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE"!
♪ ♪ >> Stephen: "THE LATE SHOW"
BAND. I WAS SAYING TO LOUIS.
I WAS SAYING TO LOUIS IN THE COMMERCIAL BREAK THROUGH ONLY
FIRST CAME OUT HERE, I THOUGHT HE WAS WEARING A BLACK SUEDE
JACKET AND NO SHIRT. I THOUGHT THAT'S REALLY DARING.
THAT IS VERY SLY STONE OF YOU OVER THERE.
THAT WAS VERY FUNKY. TONIGHT WE HAVE OUR DEAR FRIEND
OF THE SHOW, DAMIAN LEWIS IS ON THE SHOW THIS EVENING.
YOU MIGHT KNOW HIM FROM THAT "BILLIONS" SHOW.
WHAT AN HONOR TO HAVE THE AMBASSADOR TO THE U.N., LINDA
THOMAS-GREENFIELD IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE.
WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT. COMING UP IN A FEW DAYS, WE
ALREADY HAD THE ANNIVERSARY OF PUTIN'S INVASION OF UKRAINE,
LAST FRIDAY. WE WILL TALK ABOUT THAT.
SHE WAS ON THE FLOOR OF THE U.N. GIVING A SPEECH ABOUT PEACE WHEN
THE INVASION HAPPENED A YEAR AG AGO.
FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME ROAMING THE SWISS NEWS ALPS,
HERDING THE DAY'S FINEST SIMMEN-TALL STORY CATTLE
TO HARVEST THE MOST TOPICAL CUTS WHICH I PAIR WITH A REDUCTION
OF SHALLOT AND BARREL-AGED PORTUGUESE WINE TO SERVE YOU
THE MADEIRA-DIJON TENDERLOIN THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES I AM HOSED AWAKE BEHIND A CONDEMNED RETIREMENT
HOME, GRAB A FISTFUL OF DISCARDED LUNCH MEATS,
TOSS THEM INTO A BUSTED BLENDER WITH CRUSHED-UP PEPTO BISMOL
THEN POUR THE SLURRY INTO AN OLD BABY SOCK TO OFFER YOU
THE TRICK-INELLA-TAINTED DRIFTER SAUSAGE OF NEWS THAT IS
MY SEGMENT, "MEANWHILE."
IT'S PURE, CLEAN ENERGY IS WHAT IT IS.
MEANWHILE, AMID A STUDENT HOUSING SHORTAGE,
CALIFORNIA STATE POLYTECHNIC UNIVERSITY AT HUMBOLDT
IS CONSIDERING PUTTING STUDENTS ON A BARGE.
THOUGH IT'S POSSIBLE THAT THAT CLASSWORK COULD BE AFFECTED BY
HOUSING STUDENTS ON A BARGE. "PROFESSOR, SORRY MY PAPER WAS
LATE. MY DORM HAD TO RUN A LOAD
OF BAUXITE TO SINGAPORE." MEANWHILE, IN THEATERS THIS
WEEKEND, COCAINE BEAR'S BOX OFFICE CAME DANGEROUSLY
CLOSE TO TAKING NUMBER ONE. WHILE IN MY FRONT YARD THIS
WEEKEND, ONCE AGAIN, METH RACCOON CAME DANGEROUSLY
CLOSE TO TAKING MY CAR. YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM.
TAKE SOME ACTION. MEANWHILE, WE HERE AT MEANWHILE
BALLISTIC LASER SYSTEMS AND GOGURT IMAGINEERING
SOMETIMES COME ACROSS SO MANY STORIES ABOUT THE ROYAL FAMILY
THAT WE COLLECT THEM IN OUR MEANWHILE SUB-SEGMENT,
"SOVEREIGN-WHILE. ACCORDING TO REPORTS,
THE KING'S CORONATION IS IN CRISIS AFTER ELTON JOHN
AND THE SPICE GIRLS TURNED DOWN THE CHANCE TO APPEAR.
SIR ELTON JOHN IS SNUBBING THE KING?
I'M NOT SURE HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT.
>> ♪ IT'S A LITTLE BIT FUNNY ♪
>> Stephen: YUP. THAT'S IT.
APPARENTLY ENGLAND'S "MINISTRY OF KINGLY FESTIVALS"
OR WHATVER IS REALLY STRUGGLING TO BOOK MUSIC FOR THE CORONATION
SINCE, ASIDE FROM ELTON AND THE SPICYS,
ED SHEERAN, ADELE, AND ROBBIE WILLIAMS HAVE
ALSO TURNED DOWN THE CHANCE TO PERFORM AT THE CONCERT.
SO THE PLANNERS ARE GOING WITH WILLIAM AND CAMILLA
PLAYING "YAKKETY SAX" ON KAZOOS.
MEANWHILE IN TAKING IT EASY NEWS, APPARENTLY THE LATEST WORK
PLACE TREND IS CALLED "BARE MINIMUM MONDAYS."
NORMALLY I WOULD HAVE A JOKE HERE, BUT...
MONDAY. MEANWHILE, ACROSS THE POND,
THE U.K. IS EXPERIENCING A FRUIT AND VEGETABLE SHORTAGE
THAT COULD LAST UNTIL MAY. THE U.K. GOVERNMENT BLAMES THE
SCARCITY, IN PART, ON POOR WEATHER CONDITIONS
IN SPAIN. OKAY, HAVE THEY TRIED PLANTING
THE CROPS ON THE PLAIN? 'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE THE RAIN
MAINLY FALLS. IT'S MY UNDERSTANDING.
MEANWHILE, NEWS FROM NEW YORK, BECAUSE NEW YORK CITY THIEVES
ARE STEALING APPLE HEADPHONES OFF VICTIMS' HEADS.
IT INVOLVES PEOPLE ON MOPEDS RIDING UP TO VICTIMS AND
SNATCHING THEIR APPLE AIRPODS MAX, THEN SPEEDING OFF.
GOOD GOD. WHAT IS AMERICA COMING TO?
MOPED CRIME? WHAT IS THIS, MARSEILLE?
WHEN YOU GET MUGGED IN NEW YORK, THERE ARE STANDARDS!
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GET CONKED OVER THE HEAD WITH A LENGTH OF
REBAR AND THEN THREE RATS IN A TRENCHCOAT
TAKE YOUR [BLEEP] AND THEIR GETAWAY CAR
IS A COCKROACH. THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD!
WORDS TO THAT EFFECT. MEANWHILE, IN SPORTS NEWS,
AMAZON'S JEFF BEZOS IS CONSIDERING A BID ON THE NFL'S
WASHINGTON COMMANDERS. THAT'LL BE EXCITING.
THE RECEIVER CAN ORDER THE FOOTBALL AND THEN SIGN FOR IT IN
THE END ZONE. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH DAMIAN LEWIS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Stephen: "THE LATE SHOW"
BAND, EVERYBODY. FOLKS, WHERE MY?
HERE, THEY ARE? I KNOW I WOULD FIND IT
EVENTUALLY. WELCOME BACK, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN. MY FIRST GUEST
IS AN EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "HOMELAND,"
"WOLF HALL," AND "BILLIONS." HE NOW STARS IN THE NEW
LIMITED SERIES "A SPY AMONG FRIENDS."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW,"
DAMIAN LEWIS.
>> ♪ WE'RE CAUGHT IN A TRAP ♪ ♪ I CAN'T WALK OUT ♪
>> Stephen: PLEASE. NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
YOUR BACK ON TELEVISION AND YOUR FIRST ROLL SINCE "BILLIONS."
THE NEW SERIES "A SPY AMONG FRIENDS."
I ASSUME YOU ARE A SPY OR ARE YOU THE FRIENDS?
>> Damian: I AM ACTUALLY THE FRIEND OF THE SPY BUT I HAPPEN
TO BE A SPY AS WELL. >> Stephen: DO YOU LIKE SPY
THRILLERS? >> Damian: WHO DOESN'T LOVE A
SPY THRILLER? >> Stephen: BAD PEOPLE I
GUESS. WHAT DO YOU THINK --
WHY DO YOU THINK IT IS SO ALARMING?
>> Damian: I THINK IT IS THE DOUBLE LIFE, THE TOTAL DUPLICITY
THAT PEOPLE CAN LIVE ONE LIFE ENTIRELY SEEMINGLY TRANSPARENTLY
WHILST HAVING A TOTALLY DIFFERENT LIFE GOING ON
SIDE-BY-SIDE. I THINK THAT'S FASCINATING, AND
THE ABILITY TO CONCEAL WHILST GOING ABOUT YOUR DAY-TO-DAY LIFE
I THINK IS THE SKILL, MASTERFUL, STRANGE SORT OF SHAPE SHIFTING
SKILL TO HAVE. THE TWO GUYS THAT WE TELL THE
STORY ABOUT BASED ON A TRUE STORY, NICHOLAS ELLIOTT, THE
FRIEND F OUR MOST NOTORIOUS SPY IN THE U.K.
ONE OF THE MOST NOTORIOUS TRADERS OF THE 20TH CENTURY, A
GUY CALLED FILBY, GUY WHO BETRAYED HIS COUNTRY.
HE WAS CAUGHT IN 1963, HIS BEST FRIEND NICHOLAS ELLIOTT,
WHO I PLAY, THE IMMACULATE WONDERFUL GUY PIERCE PLAYS KIM
PHILBY. ELLIOTT, HIS BEST FRIEND IS SENT
OUT TO INTERROGATE HIM. THEY HAVE THIS NOW NOTORIOUS
FOUR DAYS OF INTERVIEWS. 3 MINUTES WHICH GETS LOST WHEN
THEY GO TO THE WINDOW. THEY OPEN THE WINDOW ON THE
BEIRUT STREET. THERE ARE NO TRANSCRIPTS OF THIS
3 MINUTES AND NO ONE KNOWS WHAT WAS SAID IN THOSE 3 MINUTES.
ALL THEY DO KNOW IS THAT THE NEXT DAY, KIM PHILBY WAS ON A
BOAT HEADING TO MOSCOW. THERE IS INTRIGUE FOR MANY YEARS
ABOUT ELLIOTT'S PART IN KIM PHILBY'S DEFECTION
EFFECTIVELY. HE WASN'T BROUGHT BACK.
HE WASN'T TRIED, EXECUTED, WHATEVER, IN A COURT OF LAW OR
PUBLIC OPINION. EFFECTIVELY HE SORT OF ROTTED
HIS LIVER AND VODKA IN MOSCOW. >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP.
WHAT ARE WE ABOUT TO SEE? >> Damian: OKAY.
>> Stephen: NO. WHAT ARE WE ABOUT TO SEE?
>> Damian: STEVE, IT'S NOT WORKING.
SORRY, OKAY. >> Stephen: WE DON'T HAVE TO
SET IT UP. HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR OWN SHOW?
DO YOU KNOW? >> Damian: I ONLY WATCH THINGS
I AM IN. THIS IS THE DEBRIEFING SCENE
WHEN ELLIOT COMES BACK UNDER SUSPICION.
HE IS DEBRIEFED BY AN AM I FIVE AGENT PLAYED BY THE DUTIFUL,
BRILLIANT ANNA MAXWELL MARTIN. LET'S HOPE IT IS THAT SCENE.
>> MR. ELLIOTT. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND WHY YOU
MIGHT NEED A MOMENT OR TWO TO BREAK THE ICE.
BELIEVE ME, I DO. WOULD YOU MIND IF WE NOW
CONSIDER BROKEN? >> THE WORD ESCAPE WAS SUGGESTED
KIM PHILBY WAS IN SOME SORT OF CUSTODY WHICH HE WAS NOW BUT I
DO UNDERSTAND THE DRIVE OF YOUR QUESTION AND THE ANSWER IS THIS,
I SIMPLY DIDN'T THINK AND RUN. I WAS OFFERING HIM COMPLETE
IMMUNITY AND SECRECY WITH A NICE RETIREMENT IN THE COUNTRY WITH
HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN FOR A FULL CONFESSION OF EVERYTHING HE EVER
DID FOR THE KGB. I DIDN'T THINK FOR A MOMENT THAT
HE WOULD CHOOSE RUSSIA OVER TH THAT.
[APPLAUSE] >> Stephen: DO YOU THINK YOU'D
BE A GOOD SPY? >> Damian: NO.
>> Stephen: WHY NOT? I DON'T THINK YOU WOULD EITHER.
I'VE GOT TO MY THEORIES. >> Damian: THAT WAS KIND OF
LIKE A SET UP. YOU HAVE THE ANSWER ALREADY.
>> Stephen: I HAD A THEORY. WHY DON'T YOU THINK YOU'D BE A
GOOD SPY? >> Damian: UHH.
>> Stephen: IF IT'S MY REASON, I CAN SEE WHY YOU'RE HESITANT TO
ANSWER. CAN I TELL YOU MY RECENT FIRST?
>> Damian: YOUR REASON IS ALREADY SOUNDING MORE EXCITING
THAN MINE. >> Stephen: MY REASON IS THAT
A SPY SHOULD BE BORING, AND YOU'RE INTERESTING.
>> Damian: AWW. >> Stephen: A SPY SHOULD NOT
BE MEMORABLE. A SPY WOULD NOT DO THAT.
A SPY DOES NOT RUB THEIR OWN NIPPLE IN PUBLIC.
>> Damian: YOU DON'T KNOW THAT I DON'T HAVE A COUNTER AGENT OUT
THERE RIGHT NOW RUBBING THEIR NIPPLE BACK TO ME RIGHT NOW.
>> Stephen: THIS IS TRUE. IT IS ALL SPY CRAFT ALL THE
TIME. WHAT WAS YOUR REASON FOR NOT
BEING A SPY? >> Damian: I THINK THAT THAT
LIFE OF SECRECY, THEY LOVE THAT CULTURE OF SECRECY.
IT'S A SORT OF AN ELITE WAY TO LIVE BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT YOU
ARE IN A VERY SMALL ELITE OF PEOPLE WHO DO WHAT YOU DO.
NOBODY ELSE K KNOWS WHAT YOU DO AND IN THE EXAMPLE OF
KIM PHILBY, HE WAS DOUBLE-CROSSING EVERYBODY.
HE WAS IN AN ELITE OF ONE. I THINK THAT ABSOLUTELY DROVE
HIS EGO, HIS NARCISSISM. I THINK HE LOVED THAT.
I'M NOT SAYING I'M NOT EGOTISTICAL OR NARCISSISTIC.
BECAUSE I AM BOTH. BUT I THINK IT WOULD DESTROY YOU
IN THE END, HAVING TO MAINTAIN THAT LEVEL OF SECRECY, THAT
DOUBLE LIFE OVER A LONG PERIOD OF TIME.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK WITH MORE DAMIAN LEWIS, EVERYBODY.
STICK AROUND.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. WE'RE BACK WITH THE STAR OF
"A SPY AMONG FRIENDS." DAMIAN LEWIS.
OH, DAMIAN LEWIS.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU DO AND ACTING EXERCISE TO GET YOURSELF
AND UNDERSTANDING OF THE CHARACTER WHERE YOU CHOOSE AN
ANIMAL THAT IS LIKE THE CHARACTER YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY
OR TO INSPIRE YOU TO PLAY THE CHARACTER.
HOW DOES THAT WORK? >> Damian: WELL, GOOD QUES
QUESTION. WHEN I WAS AT CONSERVATORY IN
DRAMA SCHOOL, THEY SENT US SOME LONDON ZOO EVERY WEEKEND FOR
FIRST SEMESTER. THEY WANTED US TO STUDY ANIMALS,
ANIMAL MOVEMENT AND ANIMAL PSYCHOLOGY.
AS A TOOL FOR ACTING. I SAID OH, GREAT.
I'M GOING TO GO TO THE APE CAGE AND STUDIED THE APES AND THEY
SAID NO, YOU'RE NOT PURE YOU'RE ALREADY TOO MUCH LIKE AN APE.
WE NEED YOU TO STUDY SOMETHING WHERE THERE IS STILLNESS.
THEY SAID YOU ARE GOING TO BE A LIZARD.
AND I WENT TO THE REPTILE HOUSE AT LONDON ZOO FOR 12 STRAIGHT
WEEKS AND I CAME OUT OF THERE THE END OF THE 12 WEEKS
THINKING, THIS IS GREAT. I AM GOING TO SCORE THE TOP
GRADES OF THE CLASS BECAUSE I SAW THAT LIZARD MOVE THREE TIMES
IN 12 WEEKS. >> Stephen: DO YOU STILL HAVE
THE LIZARD? >> Damian: THE LIZARD DOES TWO
THINGS. THE LIZARD LIES TOTALLY STILL
UNDER THE HEAT LAMP FOR 12 WEEKS.
AND THEN MAYBE ONCE IN WEEK SIX AND AGAIN IN WEEK NINE, IT WILL
DO THIS. [APPLAUSE]
HONESTLY MY FRIEND OSCAR, HE SAID YOU ARE AN APE.
YOU CAN'T BE AN APE. YOU'RE GOING TO BE A LIZARD WITH
DAMIAN. WE GOT ON OUR BLACK LEOTARDS, WE
LAY ON THE FLOOR AND RELAY ON TOP OF EACH OTHER FOR AN HOUR.
THAT WAS IT. TOTALLY STILL.
TOP MARKS. >> Stephen: WHAT ANIMAL, WAS
HIS NAME, NICHOLAS? >> Damian: NICHOLAS ELLIOTT.
>> Stephen: WHAT ANIMAL WAS HE?
>> Damian: BECAUSE OF THE DOUBLE LIFE, HE FELT TO ME HE
WAS BIRDLIKE. THERE WAS A BIT OF A PEACOCK
ABOUT NICHOLAS ELLIOTT, SOMEONE WHO LIKED TELLING DIRTY
LIMERICKS. THAT WAS A BIG THING OF HIS IN
REAL LIFE. HE LOVED BEING AT THE BAR AND
ENTERTAINING WITH DIRTY LIMERICKS.
SORT OF THE PEACOCK, THE FEATHERS FANNED, COUPLE OF
WHISKEYS IN. THEN THERE WAS SOMETHING VERY
HAWK LIKE, EAGLE LIKE ABOUT HIM, VERY WATCHFUL AND ATTENTIVE.
HE WAS TWO BIRDS FOR ME. I TRY TO NARROW IT DOWN TO ONE
WITH EACH CHARACTER. AND THEN THE INTERESTING THING,
THE INTERESTING ANTHROPOMORPHIC THING ABOUT STARTING AN ANIMAL
IS HOW DO YOU ACTUALLY INTEGRATE THAT INTO YOU PHYSICALLY WITHOUT
PEOPLE -- >> Stephen: SAY THAT YOU'RE
DOING A BIRD. >> Damian: WHY IS THAT SPY
WALKING AROUND LIKE A PEACOCK? THAT'S WEIRD.
IT'S ABOUT HOW YOU INTEGRATE IT. >> Stephen: HOW ABOUT BOBBY
AXELROD? DID HE HAVE AN ANIMAL?
>> Damian: BOBBY AXELROD IS A PREDATOR, ONE OF THE BIG CATS.
HE IS A CHEETAH. THAT'S A LITTLE BIT OF PLAY ON
WORDS BECAUSE HE IS CLEARLY, YOU KNOW...
WELL, LET'S CALL IT, HE'S A CRIMINAL.
AND SO THE CHEETAH WAS A GOOD SORT OF -- ENTERTAIN ME, THAT'S
THE CAT HE WAS. IN BOBBY AXELROD, I DON'T KNOW
IF ANY OF YOUR WATCH HIT TV SHOW "BILLIONS," BUT WITH BOBBY,
BECAUSE HE'S KIND OF A LARGER THEN.
HE'S A BIT OF A ROCK STAR, SWAGGERING COWBOY.
HE SHOULD ROLL LIKE A BIG CAT A BIT.
SO I KEPT THAT FOR HIM. >> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND.
WE'VE GOT TO GO IN A MINUTE BUT I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE AN
ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE TO THE PEOPLE.
A LITTLE BIT OF NEWS THAT NOBODY KNOWS YET.
REGARDING MR. AXELROD. ANYTHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO TELL
THE FOLKS? >> Damian: WELL, BOBBY.
BOBBY IS BACK. HE'S COMING BACK.
>> Stephen: TO "BILLIONS." >> Damian: YES.
IT'S BACK IN ITS EXCITING. HE'S NOT BEEN AROUND FOR A
COUPLE SEASONS BUT HE IS BACK. >> Stephen: WHEN?
>> Damian: I CAN'T TELL YOU THIS.
>> Stephen: I WILL TELL YOU THIS.
IT'S BEEN LOVELY TO HAVE YOU. THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
"A SPY AMONG FRIENDS" PREMIERES MARCH 12 ON MGM+.
DAMIAN LEWIS EVERYBODY. WE WILL BE BACK WITH AMBASSADOR.
LINDA THOMAS-GREENFIELD.
♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME BACK. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT
GUEST IS A DIPLOMAT WHO SPENT 40 YEARS WORKING IN THE GOVERNMENT.
SHE SERVES AS THE UNITED STATES AMBASSADOR TO THE
UNITED NATIONS. PLEASE WELCOME AMBASSADOR LINDA
THOMAS-GREENFIELD. ♪ ♪
>> Ambassador Thomas-Greenfield: I MATCH YOUR
CHAIR. >> Stephen: THANKS FOR BEING
HERE. FRIDAY WAS THE ONE-YEAR
ANNIVERSARY OF PUTIN'S INVASION OF UKRAINE.
YOU WERE ON THE SECURITY COUNCIL IN THE SECURITY COUNCIL MEETING
WITH THE INVASION ACTUALLY HAPPENED.
LOOKING BACK, OVER THE LAST YEAR, ARE YOU SURPRISED WHERE WE
ARE OR WHERE THINGS ARE IN UKRAINE GIVEN HOW PERILOUS THE
SITUATION LOOKED IN THOSE FIRST WEEKS?
>> Ambassador Thomas-Greenfield: WELL, I HAVE
TO TELL YOU THAT DAY WAS SURREAL.
WE CALLED AN EMERGENCY MEETING OF THE COUNCIL SO THAT WE COULD
WARN THE WORLD THAT RUSSIA WAS PLANNING TO INVADE UKRAINE, AND
THEY DID IT WHILE WE WERE SITTING IN THE COUNCIL AND SO I
THINK EVEN THE RUSSIANS, THEY WERE PRESIDENT OF THE COUNCIL SO
THERE AMBASSADOR WAS SITTING IN THE CHAIR.
AS WE ALL LOOKED AT OUR PHONES AND HEARD THAT THIS WAS
HAPPENING. AT THE TIME, RUSSIA SAID THIS IS
JUST GOING TO BE A TWO-WEEK OPERATION.
WE'LL FINISH IT OFF, AND HERE WE ARE ONE YEAR LATER.
AND THEY WORSE SO, THEY WERE SO MISGUIDED.
THEY WERE SO MISTAKEN BECAUSE ONE YEAR LATER, UKRAINE STILL
STANDS AND PRESIDENT BIDEN... WAS THERE AT THE ONE-YEAR MARK.
CONGRATULATING PRESIDENT ZELENSKYY FOR THE
FORTITUDE THAT THE UKRAINIANS HAVE SHOWN AND SHOWED THE
UKRAINIANS HAVE THE WORLD STILL STANDS UNITED WITH UKRAINE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Stephen: WHAT'S IT LIKE TO
BE IN THE ROOM WITH THE RUSSIAN AMBASSADOR, THEN OR NOW.
YOU EVER SAY, COME ON. WHAT ARE YOU GUYS THINKING?
DO YOU EVER GET TO SHOOT STRAIGHT WITH THESE GUYS?
>> Ambassador Thomas-Greenfield: OCCASIONALLY
WE HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHOOT STRAIGHT.
THINGS HAVE CHANGED SINCE THE INVASION OF UKRAINE.
WE HAVE TO WORK TOGETHER. WE SIT AROUND THE TABLE EVERY
DAY, 15 COUNTRIES, FIVE PERMANENT MEMBERS AND TEN
ELECTED MEMBERS WE HAVE TO ENGAGE ON ANY NUMBER OF ISSUES.
WE ENGAGE ON ISSUES WHERE WE ACTUALLY AGREE.
WE AGREED ON SANCTIONS AGAINST HAITIAN GANGS.
WE AGREED ON CONTINUING TO KEEP THE BORDER OPEN INTO SYRIA A
YEAR AGO SO THAT HUMANITARIAN ASSISTANCE COULD CONTINUE TO GO
INTO PEOPLE IN NEED. BUT AFTER THE UKRAINIAN WAR,
RUSSIA REALLY, REALLY DISRESPECTED THE COUNCIL AND
EVERYTHING WE STAND FOR BECAUSE THEY SIT AS PERMANENT MEMBERS OF
THE COUNCIL AND THEY ATTACKED THEIR NEIGHBOR.
THEY BROUGHT THIS UNPROVOKED WAR ON THE UKRAINIAN PEOPLE.
THEY ARE COMMITTING M WAR CRIME. THEY ARE COMMITTING CRIMES
AGAINST HUMANITY. THEY ARE COMMITTING HUMAN RIGHTS
VIOLATIONS RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR EYES AND THEY ARE PERMANENT
MEMBER OF THE COUNCIL. >> Stephen: MEANING THAT THEY
HAVE VETO POWER. >> Ambassador
Thomas-Greenfield: THEY HAVE VETO POWER AND IT IS FOR THAT
REASON THAT WE TAKE OUR ACTIONS TO THE GENERAL ASSEMBLY WHERE
THEIR VETO POWER DOESN'T WORK. AND WE HAVE CONDEMNED THEM
ROUNDLY. ON FRIDAY WE PUT FORWARD A
RESOLUTION, A PEACE RESOLUTION. 141 COUNTRIES VOTED FOR THAT
RESOLUTION. >> Stephen: LET'S TALK ABOUT
CHINA FOR JUST A MOMENT. BECAUSE IT'S BEEN REPORTED THAT
CHINA IS CONSIDERING SENDING WEAPONRY AND AID TO RUSSIA.
ANTONY BLINKEN AND JAKE SULLIVAN HAVE SAID YEAH, THAT'S BAD.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT. WHY WOULD IT BE PARTICULAR BAD
FOR CHINA TO DO THAT BEYOND PROLONGING THE WAR?
>> Ambassador Thomas-Greenfield: FIRST, IT
WILL PROLONG THE WAR. SECOND, IT MEANS CHINA WILL
ALIGN ITSELF WITH RUSSIA'S ACTIONS IN UKRAINE.
CHINA WOULD ALIGN ITSELF WITH COMMITTING HUMAN RIGHTS
VIOLATIONS AGAINST THE UKRAINIAN PEOPLE.
CARRYING OUT THE BLOODY WAR THAT HAS REALLY DESTROYED
INFRASTRUCTURE IN UKRAINE. THIS IS ABOUT SUPPORTING THE
U.N. CHARTER. IF CHINA ALIGNS ITSELF WITH
RUSSIA, THAT IT BECOMES PART OF THAT PROBLEM.
SO WE HAVE NOT SEEN ANY EVIDENCE YET THAT THEY HAVE MADE A
DECISION TO PROVIDE LETHAL WEAPONS BUT THEY UNDERSTAND VERY
CLEARLY IF THEY DO PROVIDE LETHAL WEAPONS THAT THEY ARE
SUPPORTING RUSSIA IN ITS EFFORTS TO DESTROY A SOVEREIGN COUNTRY.
>> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY THINGS CAN GET TENSE IN ANY DIPLOMATIC
SITUATION. PART OF YOUR JOB AS AN INVESTOR
TO TRY TO DE-ESCALATE, THAT IS THE COAL, DIPLOMACY IS THE
DEPARTMENT OF PEACE. I UNDERSTAND THE OF INTERESTING
FORM OF DIPLOMACY THAT YOU USED TO TRY TO WIN PEOPLE OVER NOT
ONLY FOR YOURSELF BUT FOR THE STATES.
>> Ambassador Thomas-Greenfield: [LAUGHS]
I ASSUME YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT GUMBALL DIPLOMACY.
>> Stephen: I DIDN'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THAT MEANT.
THAT'S WHY I WAS LETTING YOU. WHAT IS GUMBO DIPLOMACY?
>> Ambassador Thomas-Greenfield: ANYONE IN
THE AUDIENCE FROM LOUISIANA? GUMBO DIPLOMACY IS ABOUT DUMBO,
AN EXTRAORDINARY DISH, AND HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE
OVER A GREAT MEAL. I COOK IT MYSELF.
I SHARED MY RECIPE THAT I MADE UPON THE SPOT WITH
"THE WASHINGTON POST," I HAVE NEVER USED THE RECIPE MYSELF.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GIVE THEM THE REAL RECIPE OR WHAT PEOPLE
WHO AREN'T FROM LOUISIANA ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE?
I WENT DOWN, JON BAPTISTE, I WENT DOWN TO COOK WITH HIS MOM
AND HE SAID TO ME AFTERWARDS, THAT'S NOT THE RECIPE.
>> Ambassador Thomas-Greenfield: PEOPLE WHO
COOED GUMBO, WE DON'T USE A RECIPE.
YOU JUST COOK. SO I COOK AND I ACTUALLY TRIED
TO RECONSTRUCT WHAT I DO AND THAT RECIPE.
I WAS IN GHANA A FEW MONTHS AGO AND THE AMBASSADOR THERE HAD HER
CHEF USE THE RECIPE AND THE GUMBO WAS REALLY GOOD.
I HAVE TO TRY THE RECIPE. IT WAS BETTER THAN ANYTHING I'VE
EVER MADE BEFORE. >> Stephen: HOW DID YOU --
AFTER 40 YEARS OF WORKING IN DIPLOMACY, I'M SURE CAN BE
DISHEARTENING SOMETIMES WHEN YOU SEE THE STATE OF THE WORLD.
WHAT ARE THE MOMENTS THAT SUSTAIN YOU, THROUGH MOMENTS OF
DOUBT LET'S SAY? >> Ambassador
Thomas-Greenfield: IT'S RARE THAT I HAVE MOMENTS OF DOUBT
BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT WE ARE DOING IS IMPORTANT.
BUT ONE OF THE MOMENTS I HAD THAT REALLY BROUGHT TO THE
FOREFRONT WHY WHAT I DO IS SO IMPORTANT, SOME YEARS AGO I MET
YOUNG SUDANESE MAN, SOUTH SUDANESE MAN ON THE STREETS IN
ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA, AND HE SAID HEY, LINDA, YOU HELPED MAKE IT
REFUGEE STATUS TO THE UNITED STATES.
AND I REALIZED AT THAT MOMENT THAT SOMETHING I DID HAVE CHANGE
SOMEBODY'S LIFE. AND SO I APPROACH MY WORK EVERY
SINGLE DAY THAT I AM DOING SOMETHING THAT IS GOING TO
CHANGE SOMEBODY'S LIFE. I MAY NEVER MEET THE PERSON.
I MAY NEVER HEAR WHAT I'VE DONE BUT I KNOW IN MY HEART I'M DOING
SOMETHING THAT'S GOING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO PEOPLE.
FOR THAT REASON, I CAN GET UP EVERY DAY DEAL WITH THE CRAP AND
FIGHT THE GOOD BATTLE. >> Stephen: AMBASSADOR,
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
AMBASSADOR LINDA THOMAS-GREENFIELD, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW. MY GUEST WILL BE
KAL PENN, AND PRINCE HARRY TAKES THE
COLBERT QUESTIONERT. STICK AROUND FOR JAMES.
GOOD NIGHT. ♪ ♪