♪ ♪ A NEW STUDY USING THREE
GROUPS OF MICE CONCLUDED THAT DRINKING COKE AND PEPSI MAY LEAD
TO MORE TESTOSTERONE AND LARGER TESTICLES.
♪ I'D LIKE TO BUY THE WORLD A COKE ♪
♪ AND NOURISH GIANT BALLS ♪ ♪ TO QUENCH YOUR THIRST ♪
♪ THEN CAUSE A BURST ♪ ♪ WITHIN YOUR OVERALLS ♪
♪ I'D LIKE TO TEACH THE WORLD TO SWING ♪
♪ THEIR WHOPPING LARGE LEGUMES ♪ ♪ IT'LL BE GREAT ♪
♪ WHEN THEY INFLATE ♪ ♪ LIKE CHINESE SPY BALLOONS ♪
♪ THEY'LL GROW REALLY BIG ♪ ♪ WHAT THE WORLD WANTS TODAY ♪
♪ THEY'LL GROW REALLY BIG ♪ [LAUGHTER]
Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH
STEPHEN COLBERT." TONIGHT...
LOCOMOTIVES! PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES
EUGENE LEVY! AND NAS!
FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER
IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU!
THANK YOU! HAPPY WEDNESDAY, HAPPY
WEDNESDAY, HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY! [CHANTING "STEPHEN"]
HELLO, EVERYBODY! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
WELCOME ONE AND ALL HERE COME OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE WORLD,
"THE LATE SHOW" I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
SHADOW TO MY FELLOW CATHOLICS BECAUSE TODAY IS ASH WEDNESDAY.
- THIS YEAR FOR LENT I'M GIVING UP - - AND THIS IS TRUE-- PEANUT
M&M'S, AND TUCKER CARLSON IS GIVING UP TRYING TO BANG THE
GREEN ONE. [LAUGHTER]
GOOD LUCK. FOLKS IN THE MIDWEST MIGHT HAVE
TO GIVE UP EVEN MORE TODAY, BECAUSE A HISTORIC THREE-DAY
STORM IS SET TO BRING SNOW, ICE, AND EXTREME COLD ACROSS THE US.
ALL RIGHT, MY FELLOW DADS OUT THERE.
THIS IS IT. APPROACHING STORMS ARE OUR
OLYMPICS! FOR THE NEXT 72 HOURS, YOUR JOB
IS TO BREATHLESSLY FOLLOW THE ACCUWEATHER RADAR TRACKER, AND
GIVE CONSTANT UPDATES TO THE FAMILY GROUP CHAT.
DOESN'T MATTER IF NO ONE LIVES IN THE STORM'S PATH.
I GOT MY MESSAGE READY. OKAY, BOY, IT'S REALLY COMING
DOWN THERE. A
SNOWFLAKE EMOJI, SNOWMAN EMOJI. LOVE, DAD.
P.S. I'M GOING TO GO SALT THE FRONT STOOP AGAIN."
WAS I SUPPOSED TO HAVE AN ACTUAL PHONE?
IT'S CALLED ACTING WHAT I JUST DID THERE.
IT'S NOT JUST CALLED ON THE HORIZON,
HALF THE U.S. IS SET TO FREEZE WHILE THE OTHER HALF IS FACING
RECORD-HIGH TEMPS. IT'S A METEOROLOGICAL PHENOMENON
KNOWN AS "ANY COUPLE SHARING A BED."
[LAUGHTER] YOU DON'T GET THE JOKE, JUST
WAIT. SPEAKING OF LOCATIONS.
OHIO. THEY'RE STILL DEALING WITH THE
AFTERMATH OF THE DEVASTATING TRAIN DERAILMENT IN
EAST PALESTINE, AND YESTERDAY, THE EPA ORDERED NORFOLK SOUTHERN
TO HANDLE AND PAY FOR ALL CLEANUP EFFORTS, ADDING THEY
MUST PAY TO CLEAN "THE MESS THAT THEY CREATED."
THAT'S RIGHT, LITTLE MR.! THAT'S RIGHT!
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? YOU CLEAN UP YOUR OWN DISASTER.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? A MAID COMES IN HERE AND
PROCESSES ALL YOUR FLAMING CHEMICALS?
GET THIS TOXIC DIRT OUT RIGHT NOW OR YOU ARE NOT GOING ON THE
CHOIR TRIP! YESTERDAY, WE HEARD FROM NORFOLK
SOUTHERN CEO ALAN SHAW, WHO DID HIS BEST TO REASSURE RESIDENTS
THAT THEIR TOWN IS SAFE. I'VE COME BACK MULTIPLE
TIMES, I'VE DRINK IN THE WATER HERE.
Stephne: "YES. I'VE DRANKEN THE WATER.
AND ME BRAIN FINE. NO POISON UPPY.
MM-MMM. REFORSHIRNG."
SHAW ISN'T THE ONLY ONE HANGING OUT IN OHIO, BECAUSE TODAY,
THE FORMER PRESIDENT VISITED EAST PALESTINE.
AND HE IS NOT SCARED OF BEING EXPOSED TO TOXIC CHEMICALS.
BECAUSE HE CLEARLY ALREADY HAS. [LAUGHTER]
MAYBE HE'S BORN WITH IT. MAYBE IT'S VINYL CHLORIDE.
THIS TRIP FOR HIM, IT'S A LITTLE AWKWARD, BECAUSE
HE'S VISITING AFTER HAVING CUT RAIL REGULATIONS AS PRESIDENT.
OR AS A "PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER" OP-ED PUT IT, THE EX-PRESIDENT
WILL RETURN TO THE SCENE OF HIS CRIME.
YEAH. IT'S A LITTLE AWKWARD.
A LITTLE AWKWARD. THAT EASY.
THIS MAY BE A SURPRISE TO YOU, THE FORMER PRESIDENT WAS NOT
JUST IN HIGH OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF HIS HEART.
YOU SEE, HIS 2024 PRESIDENTIAL RUN HAS GOTTEN OFF TO A ROCKY
START, STRUGGLING TO GENERATE EXCITEMENT.
SO HE VIEWED THE VISIT AS A MAJOR CAMPAIGN EVENT.
SO, IT'S FITTING TO RESTART HIS CAMPAIGN IN EAST PALESTINE.
BECAUSE MUCH LIKE THE FISH THERE, IT'S DEAD IN THE WATER.
[LAUGHTER] WHEN HE-- WHEN HE--
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THERE YOU GO. WHEN HE FINALLY TOUCHED DOWN, HE
WAS ACCOMPANIED BY DON JR. AND J.D. VANCE.
OR AS HE CALLS THEM, "WHICH ONE OF YOU IS MY SON?"
[LAUGHTER] BEEN A WHILE.
THEN IT WAS SPEECHING TIME. NOW KEEP IN MIND, THIS IS A
SHATTERED COMMUNITY, SO IT WAS IMPORTANT THAT THE FORMER
PRESIDENT STAY FOCUSED ON THEIR CRISIS.
FOR ABOUT TWO MINUTES, BEFORE DETOURING JUST A LITTLE.
NOT GOING TO BE PLAYING FOOTBALL FOR ANOTHER SEASON AND
I CALLED THE HEAD OF THE BIG TEN FOOTBALL AND I SAID YOU'VE GOT
TO GET THE FOOTBALL OPEN. Stephen: SPOKEN LIKE A GUY
WHO TOTALLY KNOWS HOW FOOTBALL WORKS.
"GOTTA OPEN UP THE FOOTBALL TO GET THE DELICIOUS PIG MEAT OUT."
[LAUGHTER] THEN HE WRAPPED IT UP WITH THIS
INSPIRING MESSAGE. IT'S AND HONORED TO HELP,
YOU'RE WELL ON YOUR WAY, THAT WAS A TRAGEDY CLOSE TO AN
UNBELIEVABLE TRAGEDY, COULD HAVE BEEN REALLY BAD AND TO THINK
THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. Stephen: WHAT?
DIDN'T HAPPEN? THANK GOODNESS?
WHAT PART OF "GIANT TOXIC PLUME" WOULD YOU CLASSIFY AS "NOT
REALLY BAD?" REMINDS ME OF THAT FAMOUS
FOOTAGE OF THE HINDENBERG DISASTER.
HOW CLOSE TO AN UNBELIEVABLE TRAGEDY!
COULD HAVE BEEN REALLY BAD! CRISIS AVERTED!
OH, THE FOOTBALL IS OPEN! [APPLAUSE]
Stephen: SPEAKING OF TRAINWRECKS, THE FORMER
PRESIDENT'S LIFE. HE'S UNDER INVESTIGATION IN
GEORGIA FOR INTERFERING IN THE 2020 ELECTION.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THERE YOU GO.
THERE'S A THEME. A THEME.
THE GRAND JURY HAS WRAPPED UP ITS INVESTIGATION, AND WE NOW
KNOW THEY ARE RECOMMENDING MULTIPLE INDICTMENTS.
BOOM! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BOOM! YEAH, BABY!
THERE'S NO WAY HE'S GETTING AWAY THIS TIME!
UNLESS HE DOES THAT THING WHERE HE ALWAYS GETS AWAY EVERY TIME.
[LAUGHTER] THE GRAND JURY ONLY RECOMMENDS
INDICTMENTS. THE FINAL DECISION GOES TO THE
FULTON COUNTY DA. BUT THE FOREWOMAN OF THE JURY IS
NOW SPEAKING OUT. SHE CAN'T REVEAL ANYTHING, BUT
HER FACE SAYS A THOUSAND WORDS. DID THE GRAND JURY RECOMMEND
AN INDICTMENT OF FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP?
I'M NOT GOING TO SPEAK ON EXACT INDICTMENTS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Stephen: SHE SEEMS LIKE A FUN
PERSON TO INTERVIEW. MA'AM, I INVITE YOU TO THE ED
SULLIVAN THEATER ANY TIME TO PLAY POKER.
[LAUGHTER] I'VE GOT NOTHING.
NOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN GIVING THIS JUROR GRIEF FOR
SPEAKING OUT. BUT SHE HAS A GOOD CIVIC REASON.
WHY DO YOU WANT TO SPEAK OUT PUBLICLY?
BECAUSE THIS WAS A REALLY COOL EXPERIENCE.
I THINK IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT IN GENERAL TO NOT TRY TO SKIP JURY
DUTY. Stephen: SHE'S RIGHT.
JURY DUTY IS A REALLY COOL EXPERIENCE.
ALL THE FUN OF A WAITING ROOM WITH NONE OF THE MAGAZINES.
AND ALL OF YOU SHOULD DO YOUR JURY DUTY.
SO THEY DON'T CALL ME. I'M BUSY THAT DAY.
I GOT A THING. BUT WHAT WAS HER FAVORITE PART
OF JURY DUTY? MY COOLEST MOMENT WAS SHAKING
RUDY GIULIANI'S HAND. Stephen: GIRL, NO!
FIRST OF ALL, HE'S ONE OF THE PEOPLE YOU'RE THERE TO INDICT.
SECOND, DON'T YOU KNOW WHERE THAT HAND HAS BEEN?
[LAUGHTER] REALLY, OKAY?
UNFORTUNATELY, THERE'S NEWS ABOUT GEORGIA REPRESENTATIVE
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE, SEEN [BOOS]
HERE AT A KINDERGARTEN RECITAL. THIS WEEK, OL' MARGE TWEETED,
"WE NEED A NATIONAL DIVORCE. WE NEED TO SEPARATE BY RED
STATES AND BLUE STATES. EVERYONE I TALK TO SAYS THIS."
"YES, EVERYONE I TALK TO SAYS THIS.
ME, MY GUN, THE CRAZY SCREAMING LADY WHO LIVES IN THE
MIRROR AND WILL NEVER STOP CRYING.
SOMEONE SHOULD TAKE HER GUN AWAY."
NOW, IT SOUNDS LIKE GREENE IS ADVOCATING FOR STATES TO SECEDE
FROM THE UNION, BUT SHE PROMISES IT'S TOTALLY NOT THAT.
NATIONAL DIVORCE IS NOT A CIVIL WAR.
IT'S ACTUALLY SEPARATING BY RED STATES AND BLUE STATES.
AND MAKING STATE RIGHTS AND STATE POWER A LOT STRONGER THAN
IT IS RIGHT NOW. Stephen: YES, IT'S LIKE
ABRAHAM LINCOLN FAMOUSLY SAID, "A HOUSE DIVIDED AGAINST ITSELF
IS ACTUALLY A LOT STRONGER THAN IT IS RIGHT NOW!
VACCINES HAVE MICROCHIPS." SO PEOPLE DON'T REMEMBER THAT.
PEOPLE DON'T REMEMBER THAT HE WAS AGAINST MICROCHIPS.
BECAUSE MICROCHIPS. A
SO GREENE DOESN'T WANT A CIVIL WAR.
OR DOES SHE? BECAUSE SHE ALSO SAID THIS.
THE LAST THING I EVER WANT TO SEE AN AMERICA IS A CIVIL WAR.
NO ONE WANTS THAT, AT LEAST EVERYONE I KNOW WHEN IT WANT
THAT, BUT IT'S GOING THAT DIRECTION.
A Stephen: BECAUSE YOU'RE
PUSHING IT THAT WAY! YOU'RE THE CHIEF SPOKESPERSON
FOR CIVIL WAR. THIS IS LIKE SIR MIX-A-LOT
SAYING, "THE LAST THING MY ANACONDA WANTS IS BUNS, HUN.
BUT IT'S GOING IN THAT DIRECTION."
SO WHAT DOES SHE WANT? WELL, IT'S NOT MUCH BETTER.
HERE'S WHAT GREENE PROPOSED: I THINK RED STATES CAN CHOOSE
AND HOW THEY ALLOW PEOPLE TO VOTE WITH THEIR STATES.
WHEN I THINK SOME RED STATES CAN PROPOSE IS WELL, OKAY, IF A
DEMOCRAT VOTER CHOOSES TO FLEE THE BLUE STATES, INTO A RED
STATE, GUESS WHAT MAYBE YOU DON'T GET TO VOTE FOR FIVE YEA
Stephn: GUESS WHAT? FIRST OF ALL, THAT'S THE MOST
UNCONSTITUTIONAL IDEA I'VE EVER HEARD.
SECOND, HOW WOULD YOU IDENTIFY DEMOCRATIC VOTERS?
WE'VE GOT AN NPR TOTE BAG WAITING IN LINE.
UH-OH, GLUTEN-FREE MUFFIN AT 11 OCLOCK!
GLTEN-FREE MUFFIN! MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!
[LAUGHTER] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT!
MY GUESTS ARE EUGENE LEVY AND NAS.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, MEANWHILE!
♪ ♪
Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY, GIVE IT UP!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] DO YOU EVER GIVE UP ANYTHING FOR
LENT OR IS THAT NOT PART OF YOUR THING?
I'M OPEN TO IT. Stephen: YOU SEE THE VALUE
IN IT. Stephen: YEAH, OKAY.
IF >> Louis: ARE YOU GIVING UP ANYTHING?
Stephen: I'M GIVING UP PEANUT M&MS BECAUSE IN MY
OPINION THE HIGHEST QUALITY OF CANDY PER POUND.
YOU'VE GOT THE PROTEIN, THE SALTINESS, THE CRUNCH, THE
CHOCOLATE AND THE REGULAR M&M BUT THE REGULAR POWER BOOST OF
THE PEANUT IN THERE. I KNOW NOW THAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT THEY CAN DO SO MUCH THEY ARE GOING TO SEND ME A LOT OF
THEM. PLEASE DON'T DO THAT UNTIL AFTER
EASTER. BECAUSE I WANT TO EAT UNTIL TH
THEN. ANYBODY OVER THERE GIVING UP
ANYTHING FOR LENT? NO, YOU ARE ALL SINNERS.
ESPECIALLY YOU, JOE, YOUR LOCUS OF EVIL.
WHAT ARE YOU GIVING UP? ARE YOU GIVING UP ANYTHING?
YES. Stephen: WHILE!
WE'VE GOT AN AMAZING GUEST TOD TODAY, NOT JUST A TREASURE, A
NATIONAL TREASURE, I THINK THE NATION IS CANADA BECAUSE
EUGENE LEVY IS HERE TODAY. YES.
YEAH, YEAH, AND HIP-HOP LEGEND NAS IS HERE.
MY DEAR FRIEND. FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME
MONITORING THE NEWS MARKET TO SOURCE THE FINEST MOST TOPICAL
RABBIT AND BEAVER HAIR, BEFORE CREATING A LONG-NAP
STORY FELT, LETTING IT CURE THEN WOOD-BLOCK SHAPING IT AND ADDING
TRAPUNTO STITCHING AROUND THE BRIM TO CREATE THE TIMELESS
CAPELLI-FICIO CERVO FEDORA THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, I AM AWOKEN BY STRAY CATS TRYING TO EAT MY
EYEBALLS IN AN ABANDONED IHOP, GLUE SOME TATTERED APRON FABRIC
TO A DISCARDED BUTTER TUB THEN HAVE AT IT WITH BROKEN KIDS'
MENU CRAYONS SO I CAN RUN THROUGH TRAFFIC WEARING THE
SHRIEKING INDIGENT BEANIE CAP OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT.
♪ ♪ MEANWHILE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] OH, MY GOODNESS.
IF OH MY GOODNESS. PADDLING TO SHORE RIGHT NOW.
MEANWHILE. UNITED AIRLINES HAS INTRODUCED A
NEW FAMILY SEATING POLICY, TO HELP FAMILIES WITH CHILDREN
UNDER 12 FIND SEATS TOGETHER FREE OF CHARGE.
WHICH IS FANTASTIC. IN RESPONSE, SPIRIT AIRLINES
PROMISES TO GIVE YOU AN EXTRA WET WIPE IF YOU'RE SEATED UNDER
A FAMILY OF POSSUMS. [LAUGHTER]
MEANWHILE, A TRAILER IN THE HAMPTONS HAS SOLD FOR A RECORD
$3.75 MILLION DOLLARS. I'M SORRY, THAT HEADLINE IS
SUPPOSED TO READ, "RICH PEOPLE ARE ALSO STUPID."
MEANWHILE, IN KEYSTONE STATE COP NEWS, SOME PENNSYLVANIANS OUT
FOR A STROLL AND THEY FOUND WHAT THEY THOUGHT TO BE HUMAN REMAINS
IN A LOCAL CREEK BUT POLICE LATER DETERMINED THEY HAD MERELY
DISCOVERED A DISCARDED SEX DOLL.
AND IF YOU THOUGHT THE POLICE LOOKED SURPRISED, YOU SHOULD
HAVE SEEN MEANWHILE, IN OTHER "THINGS FOUND NEAR A
BODY OF WATER" NEWS, JAPANESE OFFICIALS INVESTIGATED A
MYSTERIOUS SPHERE THAT WAS WASHED UP ON A BEACH.
WHEN THEY LOOKED AT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SPHERE, THEY MADE A
RATHER GRISLY DISCOVERY. GOOD GRIEF.
[LAUGHTER] MEANWHILE, NEWS FROM CANADA,
AMERICA'S JAUNTY LITTLE TOP HAT, BECAUSE "THE U.S. FACES A NEW
THREAT FROM A CANADIAN SUPER PIG."
IT'S JUST LIKE AN AMERICAN PIG BUT IT'S SUPER POWER IS THAT IT
CARES ABOUT HOCKEY. AND BORDER STATES SHOULD BE
READY, BECAUSE THE SUPERPIG IS A GIANT, "INCREDIBLY INTELLIGENT,
HIGHLY ELUSIVE" BEAST CAPABLE OF SURVIVING COLD CLIMATES BY
TUNNELING UNDER SNOW. IT'S A BIG IMPROVEMENT FROM THE
PREVIOUS METHOD USED BY PIGS TO SURVIVE COLD TEMPERATURES.
IN A BLANKET. [LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE] THANK YOU.
WE ARE BACK, BABY, WE ARE BACK! MEANWHILE, A ROUTINE HOUSE CALL
IN CALIFORNIA GOT A LITTLE WEIRD WHEN PEST CONTROL FOUND 700
POUNDS OF ACORNS IN THE WALLS. 700 POUNDS OF ACORNS?
THAT'S NUTS. [LAUGHTER]
YOU'RE WELCOME, YOU'RE WELCOME. MEANWHILE, STARBUCKS WILL NOW BE
SELLING DRINKS THAT ARE INFUSED WITH OLIVE OIL, CALLED
"OLEATO-STYLE DRINKS." "OLEATO," OF COURSE.
ITALIAN FOR "[BLEEP] NO." IF YOU WANT TO TRY AN OLEATO,
YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO FOR A WHILE.
THEY ARE CURRENTLY ONLY AVAILABLE IN ITALY, AS PART OF A
PILOT PROGRAM AT ONE STORE. MILAN'S RESERVE ROASTERY.
WE ACTUALLY HAVE FOOTAGE OF ONE ITALIAN RESIDENT AFTER TRYING
THE DRINK. BATHROOM, BATHROOM, I NEED
THE BATHROOM. HERE WE GO.
Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH EUGENE LEVY.
♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. A
MY FIRST GUEST IS A FOUR-TIME EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR YOU
KNOW FROM "BEST IN SHOW," THE "AMERICAN PIE" MOVIES, AND
"SCHITT'S CREEK." HE'S NOW HOSTING THE NEW SERIES
"THE RELUCTANT TRAVELER." IS A POISONOUS?
VERY VENOMOUS. HAS A TOXIN VENOM.
IF YOU HAVE A SNAKE BITE, IT'S NOT GOING TO BE PLEASANT.
LET'S AND SAY YOU GET BIT, HOW LONG DO YOU HAVE BEFORE YOU
HAVE TO SERIOUSLY THINK ABOUT YOUR OWN DEMISE?
ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF. THE HOSPITAL IS HOW FAR?
45 MINUTES AWAY. LET'S SAY IT'S RUSH HOUR.
WE TAKE VERY CAREFUL WITH THIS TYPE OF SPECIES.
NO KIDDING. TALK ABOUT LUCK.
JUST AMAZING. Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK
TO "THE LATE SHOW," EUGENE LEVY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
Eugene: THANK YOU! WOW!
Stephen: LOVELY TO HAVE YOU BACK, THE GIANT OF COMEDY.
TAKE YOU FOR BEING HERE. Eugene: GREAT TO BE HERE.
Stephen: SO DISTINGUISHED, YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.
A CROSS BETWEEN LEONARD BERNSTEIN AND NEIL DIAMOND GOING
ON RIGHT NOW. Eugene: I WILL TAKE BOTH.
I WILL TAKE BOTH. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, I GUESS
I GET MORE SUAVE THE OLDER I GET.
Stephen: THAT'S WHAT IT IS. FIRE DOWN BELOW.
I ASKED YOU SOMETHING BACK STAGE, YOU'VE GOT A LOVELY PEN
ON RIGHT HERE WITH A MAPLE LEAF IN THE MIDDLE.
Eugene: THIS IS THE ORDER OF CANADA.
I'M NOW A COMPANION FOR THE ORDER OF CANADA WHICH IS THE
KIND OF TOP TIER-- I A MEMBER TEN YEARS AGO.
AND THEN YOU CAN GET PROMOTED TO OFFICER AND THEN YOU CAN GET
PROMOTED TO COMPANION. I JUST SKIPPED OFFICER AND I WAS
MADE A COMPANION THIS YEAR. Stephen: WOW!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Eugene: VERY BIG HONOR.
OF >> Stephen: THAT SOUNDS TREMENDOUS AND NOW CANADA WILL
NEVER BE LONELY. Eugene: I'LL ALWAYS BE A
COMPANION TO MY COUNTRY. IT TRULY IT'S A TERRIFIC HONOR
AND I LOVE WEARING THIS. Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU'RE HOSTING A NEW SHOW ON APPLE TV+ CALLED
"THE RELUCTANT TRAVELER" IN WHICH IT BRINGS YOU TO
DESTINATIONS LIKE FINLAND, THE MALDIVES, SOUTH AFRICA,
ELSEWHERE. IT SOUNDS LIKE A FANTASTIC GIG.
HOW DID THIS COME ABOUT? Eugene: WELL, I GET A CALL
SAYING, YOU KNOW, APPLE TV+ WANTS YOU TO HOST ON TRAVEL SHOW
AND IT WAS ABOUT HOTELS INITIALLY.
EXOTIC HOTELS AROUND THE WORLD CALLED "ROOM WITH A VIEW" WHEN
IT WAS PITCH TO ME AND OF COURSE I GET EXCITED THINKING I'M
GETTING ONE OF THESE CALLS? TO TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD TO
VISIT ALL THESE GREAT HOTELS AND THEN YOU KNOW IN THE NEXT COUPLE
SENTENCES I'M THINKING ALL RIGHT, JUST A MINUTE.
YOU DON'T LIKE TRAVELING. YOU'RE NOT REALLY A CURIOUS
PERSON. YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF ADVENTURE.
NOT REALLY AN EXPLORER. THEY GOT THE WRONG GUY.
I'M NOT THE GUY, I'M NOT THE GUY FOR THIS.
SO I SAID I'M NOT THE GUY, I HONESTLY THINK YOU COULD FIND A
BETTER PERSON WHO TRULY ENJOYS THIS KIND OF THING.
BUT WHAT I DIDN'T KNOW WAS AFTER THE CALL THEY GOT TOGETHER, THE
EXECUTIVE AND THE PRODUCER AND SAID, THAT'S THE SHOW!
THAT'S THE SHOW! HE CAN HOST A SHOW BUT HE
DOESN'T LIKE IT, WE NEED THAT IN THE SHOW!
THAT GIVES THE SHOW ITS PERSONALITY AND SETS IT APART!
THAT'S THE SHOW! THEY PITCHED THAT VERSION TO ME
AND I SAID THAT MAKES SENSE. [LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Stephen: OF A SORT.
OF THE SORT. Eugene: OF A SORT.
Stephen: I'M SURE YOU HAVE TO DO A LOT OF TRAVELING, WHY
DON'T YOU LIKE TRAVELING? BROADENS THE MIND.
Eugene: YOU KNOW, BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS SO DISCOMBO
DISCOMBOBULATED. YOU KNOW, LIKE PACKING.
A NIGHT BEFORE A TRIP I'M PACKING, I OVERPACK, I HAVE A
TENDENCY TO OVER PACK. WHY?
I LIKE OPTIONS I LIKE THAT I HAVE OPTIONS.
I NEVER KNOW WHAT I WANT TO WEAR SO I'M LOOKING AT A SUITCASE AND
I'VE GOT A BAG FULL OF STUFF I'M NOT GOING TO WEAR, BUT THERE IT
IS. IT'S IN THE BAG AND WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH ME? WHY CAN'T I JUST WEAR STUFF I
KNOW I'M GOING TO WEAR? OKAY, NOW WE GET TO THE AIRPORT
AND YOU'RE GETTING INTO SECURITY AND WHAT DO YOU SEE?
YOU SEE A SECURITY LINE FROM HERE TO NEWARK.
AND YOU WORK YOUR WAY UP TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE AND THEN IT IS
JUST YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF.
OKAY, FINE, YOUR SHOES ARE COMING OFF, YOUR WATCH IS COMING
OFF GOT ME YOUR BELT IS COMING OFF, YOUR PHONE IS GOING IN,
YOUR LAPTOP, YOUR COAT IS GOING ON.
IT YOU'RE YOUR LIFE ROLE ONLY FROM YOU IN SEVEN BINS THAT
HAVEN'T BEEN CLEAN SINCE 1790. [LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE] Stephen: YES, AND?
Eugene: AND YOU'RE BEING PERMITTED BY SECURITY PERSON WHO
JUST SAID-- NOT THAT BEEN, NOT THAT BEEN, NO, THEY ARE
UNDERNEATH. THERE ARE UNDERNEATH.
WHY ARE THEY SO HOSTILE? BECAUSE THEY'VE BEEN SAYING TAKE
OFF YOUR SHOES ALL DAY. WOULDN'T THAT MAKE YOUR HOSTILE?
Stephen: YOU DON'T MIND BEING OTHER PLACES, YOU JUST
HATE THE PROCESS OF GETTING THERE.
Eugene: YES, I HATE THE PROCESS OF GETTING THERE AND
THEN YOU'VE GOT TO RETRIEVE ALL YOUR STUFF FROM THE BINS THAT
HAVE PASSED YOU BY. Stephen: I'M TRYING TO GET
PAST THE SECURITY LINE. THERE IS MORE--
Eugene: I'M TELLING YOU BY THE TIME I MOTHER THE SECURITY
LINE, THE ONLY PLACE I
WANT TO GO IS HOME. Stephen: WHAT ABOUT NO
HAPPY TRIPS? HOLD ON A SECOND.
YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH DEBBIE, DEB, DON'T WANT TO GET TOO
FAMILIAR. IF FOR 45 YEARS, RIGHT?
GOOD FOR YOU! DID YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME ON YOUR
HONEYMOON? Eugene: WE HAD NO HONE
HONEYMOON.
NONE. E GOT MARRIED ON A D
WENT BACK TO WORK ON MONDAY AT THE SECOND CITY.
I WAS IN SECOND CITY AND MY WIFE DEB WAS AT THE SECOND CITY AS A
HOSTESS. SO SUNDAY, WE WORKED OF COURSE
SATURDAY NIGHT, SUNDAY WAS OUR WEDDING DAY, MONDAY WE ARE BACK
AT WORK. WE SHOULD TAKE A HONEYMOON AT
SOME POINT. Stephen: I THINK AT THIS
POINT YOU CAN GET YOURSELF A NICE-- GO DOWN TO BOCA, YOU'LL
LOVE IT. Eugene: SHE LOVES TRAVELING
ABOUT AS MUCH AS I DO. Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
BRIEF BREAK, BUT WILL BE BACK WITH MORE EUGENE LEVY.
STICK AROUND. ♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪ Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE
ARE BACK WITH THE HOST OF "THE RELUCTANT TRAVELER,"
EUGENE LEVY. YOU'VE DONE A LOT OF ENSEMBLE
ACTING, THE AMERICAN PIE SERIES INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEOS.
BUT NOW YOU ARE PLAYING-- NOW YOU'RE NOT PLAYING ANYTHING, YOU
ARE YOURSELF IN THIS SERIES. IF ONE IS THAT LIKE FOR YOU AND
HAVE YOU EVER JUST BEEN YOURSELF BEFORE?
Eugene: IT IS FRIGHTENING. IT IS FRIGHTENING BECAUSE I
SPENT 50 YEARS BEING A CHARACTER ACTOR.
AND THE FURTHER REMOVED A CHARACTER IS FROM WHO I AM, THE
MORE COMFORTABLE I AM AND THE MORE FUN IT WAS.
THE CLOSER IT GOT TO I AM, THE MORE NERVE-RACKING GOT.
IN
THAT WAS FRIGHTENING OFF THE TOP NEVERTHELESS IT WAS A CHARACTER.
THERE IS NO CHARACTER HERE, IT IS JUST ME.
YOU KNOW, I'M JUST UNCOMFORTABLE I'VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE AND
IT'S THE FIRST TIME. I DON'T KNOW.
YOU HAVE A SECOND CITY BACKGROUND.
Stephen: THIS IS THE FIRST JOB I'D EVER DONE THAT IS NOT A
CHARACTER. Eugene: HOW IS THAT THE
FIRST TIME YOU DID IT? >>Stephen: TERRIFYING, AND AT
SUCH A BURDEN BECAUSE MY CHARACTER ALWAYS KNOWS WHAT HE
WANTS. MY CHARACTER ALWAYS HAS AN
OPINION OF THINGS, PEOPLE, AND EVENTS.
I HAVE TO TAKE A LOT MORE TIME ABOUT WHAT I THINK ABOUT
SOMETHING BECAUSE I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT I SAY AND
DO. IF MY CHARACTER CAN DO ANY
[BLEEP] THING HE WANTS AND SOMEBODY WILL DECIDES IF IT
STAYS IN THE PIECE. Eugene: IF I HAD A
CHARACTER IN MY CHAIR RIGHT NOW YOU WOULD BE HEARING LAUGHS.
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. Eugene: IT'S FRIGHTENING
JUST BEING YOURSELF. Stephen: YOU DO A GOOD
EUGENE LEVY, I'VE GOT TO SAY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OKAY, BACK TO "SCHITT'S CREEK" FOR A MOMENT BECAUSE IT'S SUCH A
BELOVED SHOW. SUCH AN AMAZING EXPERIENCE,
YOU'RE REALLY DOING IT WITH YOUR FAMILY THERE, YOUR SON AND
DAUGHTER. IS THERE ANY MORE IN THE FUTURE?
IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN BECAUSE PEOPLE LOVE THE SHOW.
Eugene: YOU KNOW, OF COURSE WE LOVE THE SHOW AND WE LOVE THE
CAST, WE DO ANYTHING TO BE ABLE TO WORK WITH THAT CAST AGAIN
JUST GREAT, TALENTED, BRILLIANT BUNCH OF ACTORS.
MY SON DANIEL HAS ALWAYS SAID, IT REALLY DEPENDS ON THE IDEA.
IF THERE IS AN IDEA FOR A "SCHITT'S CREEK" FOLLOW-UP THAT
CAN TAKE US TO AN EVEN HIGHER POINT THEN WE LEFT OFF ON THE
SHOW, I THINK THAT WOULD BE A GOOD STARTING POINT FOR THAT
PROJECT. IF AND WHEN THAT IDEA HAPPENS, I
THINK WE'D BE MORE THAN DELIGHTED TO ACTUALLY GET IN
THEN DO IT AGAIN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BUT NOTHING RIGHT NOW. Stephen: YOU MIGHT HAVE
NOTICED BUT PEOPLE AT HOME I NEVER NOTICED ON THE MONITOR
EVERY TIME WE SAY THE WORD "SCHITT'S CREEK" IT COMES UP ON
SCREEN. Eugene: I KNOW, BUT THAT'S
BEEN GOING ON-- Stephen: CBS WILL NOT ALLOW
ME TO SAY "SCHITT'S CREEK" WITHOUT IT GOING UP ON SCREEN SO
THE AUDIENCE AT HOME KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT I'M SAYING.
[LAUGHTER] Eugene: THAT'S BEEN GOING
ON FOR SEVEN YEARS AND THE WHOLE THING ABOUT THAT SHOW IS THAT
IT'S ACTUALLY SOMEBODY'S NAME. IT'S A NAME.
SCHITT IS A NAME. IT IS, YOU CAN FIND IN AND ANY
PHONE BOOK, THAT'S HOW WE SOLD IT TO THE NETWORK THAT BROADCAST
THE SHOW. IT'S A REAL NAME.
[LAUGHTER] NOT THE OTHER ONE.
NO, BUT OUR SCHITT IS THE REAL SCHITT.
YOU KNOW? Stephen: THAT SHOULD BE
CARVED ON SOMETHING. EUGENE, LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
"THE RELUCTANT TRAVELER" CAREERS FRIDAY ON APPLE TV+!
WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH NAS! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK!
MY NEXT GUEST IS A GRAMMY-AWARD WINNING RAPPER, BUSINESSMAN, AND
HIP-HOP LEGEND. PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO
"THE LATE SHOW," NAS! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
GOOD TO SEE YOU. Nas: IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.
Stephen: IT'S BEEN SINCE 2018 SINCE YOU WERE SITTING IN
THE CHAIR. IT WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID?
NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. I WANT TO ASK YOU AS A NATIVE
NEW YORKER, THIS FRIDAY YOUR PLANNING A ONE NIGHT PERFORMANCE
AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN IN HONOR OF YOUR NEW ALBUM RIGHT
HERE, "KING'S DISEASE III." AS A NATIVE NEW YORKER, IS THIS
YOUR FIRST TIME PLAYING AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN?
Nas: YES. Stephen: HOW DOES IF YOU
ARE THAT VENUE IN YOUR HOMETOWN? Nas: IT SORT OF SURREAL,
IT'S LIKE A DREAM. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE
THERE. I THOUGHT ABOUT IT WHEN I GOT
INTO MUSIC AND I THOUGHT LIKE I'VE GOT TO PLAY THAT PLACE WHEN
I MAKE IT. AND ALL THE YEARS ESCAPED ME
BECAUSE I GOT BUSY DOING SO MANY OTHER THINGS AND THEN I STARTED
RELEASING MUSIC AGAIN. AND I SAID NOW IS MY TIME.
Stephen: THE ALBUM IS GETTING GREAT REVIEWS.
BUT CAN YOU EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE TITLE "KING'S DISEASE III"
BECAUSE WHAT IS KING'S DISEASE? Nas: OVERINDULGENCE.
Stephen: THE KING GETS WHAT HE WANTS?
Nas: TO MUCH OF THAT IS NOT GOOD.
Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER HAD THE KING'S DISEASE?
Nas: SOME ELEMENTS OF IT HERE AND THERE YOU KNOW.
IT'S A WAKE-UP CALL. IF YOU WAKE UP BEFORE IT'S TOO
LATE YOU KNOW. I READ A LOT ABOUT A LOT OF
ARTISTS THAT CAME UP IN YOUR TIME.
[LAUGHTER] I'M KIDDING, I'M KIDDING, I'M
KIDDING. [LAUGHS]
IN OUR TIME, YOU KNOW, BEFORE OUR TIME.
AND SOME OF THEM WERE WILD PEOPLE.
I LEARNED A LOT FROM THEM. IT KIND OF GAVE ME SOME OF THE
GUIDELINES IN THIS BUSINESS. Stephen: WHAT DO YOU DO,
HOW YOU CURE THE KING'S DISEASE? Nas: YOU KNOW, WE KILL THAT
YOU AND WE MAKE IT ABOUT THE MUSIC, MAKE IT ABOUT THE ART AND
LIVE YOUR LIFE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Stephen: WELL-- SPEAKING OF OUR GENERATION,
HIP-HOP TURNS 50 THIS YEAR. IF I HAD CHUCK TO TALK ABOUT
THAT RECENTLY. SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN IN THE
BUSINESS FOR 30 YEARS, HERE YOU ARE AS A YOUNG MAN RIGHT THERE,
1996. DID YOU EVER IMAGINE, I MEAN,
HIP-HOP AT THAT POINT WAS CERTAINLY COMING INTO ITS OWN,
BUT DO YOU IMAGINE IT WOULD BE THE ENORMOUS GLOBAL SPENDING
SUCCESS THAT IT IS? Nas: I DID.
I DID. I SAW THE POTENTIAL I GUESS WHEN
IT WAS IN THE EARLY STAGES OF THE EARLY '80s, I WOULD ASK MY
DAD AND MY MOM WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS.
[LAUGHTER] OH, MAN.
BUT I WOULD ASK THEM LIKE DO YOU LIKE THIS, YOU GET IT?
SOMETIME SOME SONG YES, SOME SONGS, NO.
BUT WHEN THEY GET IT, I SAID THERE IS HOPE.
WHEN IT MADE IT TO THE SILVER SCREEN, THERE WERE MOVIES AND I
SAID IF YOU CAN MAKE IT TO THE SILVER SCREEN, THERE IS GOING TO
BE AROUND HERE >> Stephen: HOW ARE YOU GOING TO CELEBRATE?
THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY OF HIP-HOP. Nas: WE ARE DOING A COUPLE
OF THINGS. PARTNERING WITH THE MUSEUM AND A
WHOLE BUNCH OF PHOTOGRAPHERS, THEY DOCUMENTED THE WHOLE THINGS
SINCE THE EARLY '70s AND ON DOWN.
SOME FUTURE CONCERTS COMING UP IN PARTIES, PEOPLE, FRIENDS,
GATHERINGS, DJs, IT'S A LOT OF THINGS WE ARE ROLLING OUT THIS
YEAR. Stephen: YOU PUT OUT SO
MUCH OF YOUR OWN MATERIAL. YOU WORK WITH ALL KIND OF
DIFFERENT FOLKS. IS THERE ANYBODY YOU HAVEN'T HAD
A CHANCE TO COLLABORATE WITH THAT YOU'D STILL LIKE TO DO TH
THAT? Nas: AL GREEN TO BILLY JOEL
TO-- Stephen: I'D LOVE TO SEE
YOU DO SOMETHING WITH BILLY JOEL.
Nas: TO THE BOSS, BRUCE. Stephen: THOSE GUYS ARE AT
THE GARDEN AND ALL THE TIME. IF YOU SHOULD HANG AROUND
BACKSTAGE UNTIL THEY SHOW UP BECAUSE YOU WALK OUT OF THE
NEW YORK STATE OF MIND. Nas: I TRIED THAT WITH
BILLY JOEL'S-- Stephen: HE'S GOT GREAT
SECURITY. Nas: YEAH, I WENT TO THE
SHOW AND IT'S INCREDIBLE. HE'S THE KING.
Stephen: WHO INSPIRES YOU? YOU ARE ABOUT TO TURN 50
YOURSELF. A LITTLE DIFFERENT GENERATION I
WOULDN'T SAY, BUT A LITTLE OLDER THAN YOU ARE AND I PROMISE I
WON'T KEEP TALKING ABOUT THIS. WHO INSPIRES YOU AND IS THERE
ANY ARTISTS WHO KEEP YOU ON YOUR TOES?
Nas: I'M REALLY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT MY NEXT MOVE IS
AND AT THIS POINT-- I FEEL LIKE A LOT OF HIP-HOP ARTISTS MY AGE
AREN'T PUTTING A LOT OF MATERIAL OUT SO I CANNOT LOOK TO THEM AS
A REFERENCE. THEY KIND OF SLOWED DOWN FOR
WHATEVER REASONS I UNDERSTAND, IT'S A TOUGH THING.
BUT I GOT BIT BY THE BUG, MAN, I COLLABORATED WITH THIS CAT WHO
IS LIKE THE BEST AND HE REDUCED ALL OF THOSE ALBUMS.
WE KIND OF INSPIRED OURSELVES. IT'S REALLY INTERESTING.
Stephen: WHAT DO YOU SEE IN HIM THAT YOU THINK IS LACKING IN
YOURSELF? Nas: YOUTH.
[LAUGHTER] HE'S YOUNGER THAN ME.
Stephen: H HOOKING UP YOUR JUMPER CABLES TO HIM.
Nas: HE'S GETTING SOME KIND OF WISDOM FOR ME AND WE ARE A
PERFECT MATCH. Stephen: IN HONOR OF THE
FACT THAT YOU ARE NOW ALMOST AS OLD AS HIP-HOP IS THIS YEAR, IS
THERE A LYRICA, A PARTICULAR BIT OF HIP-HOP FROM THE PAST THAT IS
PARTICULARLY MEANINGFUL TO YOU? Nas: I THINK THERE IS A
SONG ABOUT MY NEIGHBOR THAT CAME OUT IN 1985.
IT WAS THE ANTHEM, A HIP-HOP AND FOAM.
IT SAID-- HE SAID IN THE LAST VERSE I'M PARAPHRASING IT LIKE
DAY DREAMS, AND SOLD. YOU HAVE TO TRY TO RECEIVE YOUR
GOAL. IF, HOWEVER, YOU DO IT, HOWEVER
YOU MAY, NEVER LISTEN TO WHAT NOBODY SAY.
BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO KNOW THE DEAL, GO BY WHAT YOUR HEART
FEELS, BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T, YOU WILL BE MISLED BY STUPID LITTLE
THINGS INSIDE YOUR HEAD. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Stephen: WOW. Nas: YEAH.
YEAH! YEAH.
Stephen: HAVE YOU FOUND THAT TO BE TRUE?
Nas: SO TRUE. THAT VERSE, WHEN I HEARD IT, IT
WAS LIKE GOSPEL. THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO BE AWARE
OF. Stephen: WELL, NAS, GREAT
TO SEE YOU. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
CATCH NAS AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN THIS
FRIDAY FOR HIS ONE NIGHT ONLY PERFORMANCE OF THE
"KING'S DISEASE" TRILOGY AND STREAM "KING'S DISEASE III"
EVERYWHERE NOW! NAS!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE HANK AZARIA AND PULITZER
PRIZE WINNING JOURNALIST ISABEL WILKERSON.
GOODNIGHT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]