1 00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:03,670 THE U.S. COMPANY THAT MANUFACTURES THE ED PILL, 2 00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:09,109 VIAGRA, HAS CUT OFF SUPPLIES TO RUSSIA OVER ITS WAR IN UKRAINE, 3 00:00:09,109 --> 00:00:11,010 FORCING RUSSIAN AUTHORITIES TO ESTABLISH "DOMESTIC PRODUCTION 4 00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:40,140 OF GENERIC FORMS OF VIAGRA." [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] 5 00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:41,207 Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE 6 00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:46,513 SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." TONIGHT... 7 00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:49,115 PREZ GETS PHYSICAL. FIRST, STEPHEN WELCOMES... 8 00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:57,524 REVEREND AL SHARPTON AND JESSICA WILLIAMS. 9 00:00:57,524 --> 00:01:02,362 WITH A SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY HARVEY GUILLEN. 10 00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:07,233 FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND. 11 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:08,935 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER 12 00:01:08,935 --> 00:01:21,114 IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT. 13 00:01:21,114 --> 00:01:32,592 Stephen: THANK YOU. NICE TO SEE YOU. 14 00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,895 HAPPY THURSDAY. HAPPY THURSDAY. 15 00:01:35,895 --> 00:01:39,566 HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY THURSDAY. THAT'S RIGHT, HEY, EVERYBODY. 16 00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:46,940 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU, THOMAS. 17 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:55,915 THDOWN HERE. THAT'S PLEASANT. 18 00:01:55,915 --> 00:01:58,852 THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WELCOME YOU'RE WELCOME, ONE AND 19 00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:03,056 ALL IN HERE COME OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE WORLD TO THE "THE 20 00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:09,095 LATE SHOW." I'M IT CAN BE HARD TO BELIEVE 21 00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:15,468 BUT I'M GETTING A LITTLE I'M 58. 22 00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:21,741 PRETTY GOOD SHAPE. BUT BLOOD PRESSURE'S 23 00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:24,043 A LITTLE HIGH. SO MY DOCTOR'S GOT ME 24 00:02:24,043 --> 00:02:26,513 A STRICT REGIMEN TO LOWER MY STRESS LEVEL. 25 00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:30,283 8 HOURS OF SLEEP, STAY HYDRATED, AND DO NOT BE 26 00:02:30,283 --> 00:02:33,586 PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. EVIDENTLY BIT OF A STRESSFUL 27 00:02:33,586 --> 00:02:35,455 JOB. THAT'S WHY IT'S IMPORTANT 28 00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:37,790 THAT THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF STAY HEALTHY. 29 00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:39,692 SO TODAY JOE BIDEN HAD HIS ANNUAL PHYSICAL. 30 00:02:39,692 --> 00:02:42,862 IT WAS A CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH, ALTHOUGH HIS X-RAY DID REVEAL 31 00:02:42,862 --> 00:02:51,504 SEVERAL CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS. GOTTA LOOK EVERYWHERE. 32 00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:56,042 NEXT, COLONOSCOPY. THE PRESIDENTIAL PHYSICAL 33 00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:57,810 IS PRETTY THOROUGH. THEY DO A COLONOSCOPY, 34 00:02:57,810 --> 00:03:01,447 BLOOD TESTS, AND AS PART OF THE DENTAL EXAM, BIDEN PULLS 35 00:03:01,447 --> 00:03:06,185 AIR FORCE ONE WITH HIS TEETH. PHYSICIANS SAID THEY'D BE 36 00:03:06,185 --> 00:03:10,790 CHECKING OUT BIDEN'S EYES, HEARING, AND "ANYTHING ELSE 37 00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:14,360 HE MAY COMPLAIN ABOUT." ANYTHING ELSE 38 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:18,197 HE MIGHT COMPLAIN ABOUT? THE MAN IS 80. 39 00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:19,699 I HOPE YOU PACKED A LUNCH. "OKAY, MR. PRESIDENT. 40 00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:23,002 JUST TO RECAP: YOUR LEFT KNEE TINGLES BEFORE IT RAINS, 41 00:03:23,002 --> 00:03:26,339 HOW COME THE CLOCK ON MY PHONE DOESN'T TICK, THEY DON'T 42 00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:30,109 PUT REAL BUTTER ON THE POPCORN AT THE MOVIES ANYMORE, 43 00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:32,645 AND THE DINER'S CHARGING TWICE WHAT THEY USED TO FOR A NICE 44 00:03:32,645 --> 00:03:37,550 PLATE OF SCROD." GOT IT. 45 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:39,552 NOW, HERE'S THE THING: WE DON'T HAVE THE FULL RESULTS 46 00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:42,455 YET, BUT WE DO KNOW THAT THE PRESIDENT TESTED POSITIVE FOR 47 00:03:42,455 --> 00:03:47,627 "OLD AF." BECAUSE BIDEN IS THE OLDEST 48 00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:54,233 PRESIDENT EVER, SETTING A NEW RECORD EVERY MORNING. 49 00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:58,237 YES. EVERY DAY HE WAKES UP, 50 00:03:58,237 --> 00:04:06,546 A NEW RECORD. THERE'S GUY FROM THE GUINNESS 51 00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:10,917 BOOK WITH A PLAQUE THAT SAYS THAT SAYS "STILL ALIVE." 52 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,953 BIDEN'S AGE IS JUST A NUMBER BUT IT IS IMPORTANT, 53 00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:15,888 BECAUSE HE'S EXPECTED TO ANNOUNCE A RE-ELECTION BID 54 00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:17,023 SOON. SO HIS ADVISERS HAVE A PLAN 55 00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:21,794 TO KEEP HIM LOOKING SPRY. REPORTEDLY, THEY WANT TO 56 00:04:21,794 --> 00:04:23,997 FOCUS ON EVENTS THAT PLAY UP THE PRESIDENT'S VITALITY. 57 00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,532 WHICH IS WHY BIDEN WILL BE THE KEYNOTE SPEAKER AT THIS 58 00:04:26,532 --> 00:04:35,675 YEAR'S SHAMBLE-PALOOZA! SPONSORED BY VELCRO SHOES. 59 00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:36,976 TO EASE HIS LOAD, BIDEN WILL LIKELY BE GETTING SOME HELP 60 00:04:36,976 --> 00:04:40,613 ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL. ONE ADVISER SAYS "IF HE RUNS 61 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:42,582 IN 2024, THERE WILL BE A RANGE OF SURROGATES THAT SHOW THE 62 00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:45,652 DIVERSITY OF THE PARTY, ALL ACROSS THE AGES, 63 00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:50,657 FROM MAXWELL FROST TO BERNIE SANDERS." 64 00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:53,059 YES, BERNIE SANDERS. BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS, 65 00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:58,464 "I'M NOT OLD," LIKE TROTTING OUT A GUY ONE YEAR OLDER. 66 00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:01,234 "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 67 00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:05,872 NO, LISTEN. I'M TELLING YOU, 68 00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:09,842 I AM HERE TO URGE YOU TO VOTE FOR THAT LIMBER YOUNG 69 00:05:09,842 --> 00:05:13,980 WHIPPERSNAPPER, JOE BIDEN! TURN DOWN THE BE-BOP, JOE. 70 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,749 STOP DOING THE CHARLESTON, JOE! 71 00:05:16,749 --> 00:05:22,121 THERE, I DID YOUR LITTLE SPEECH. NOW, WHERE'S MY SOUP?" 72 00:05:22,121 --> 00:05:25,925 BUT IT MIGHT BE HARD TO GET VOTERS TO IGNORE 73 00:05:25,925 --> 00:05:28,561 THE RAVAGES OF TIME. BECAUSE ACCORDING TO CNN, 74 00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:32,065 VOTERS BRING UP BIDEN'S AGE CONSTANTLY IN FOCUS GROUPS, 75 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,734 USING WORDS LIKE "BRAIN DEAD," AND "MUSH." 76 00:05:34,734 --> 00:05:37,770 COME ON. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 77 00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:41,207 NEVER SAY "MUSH" AROUND AN 80-YEAR-OLD MAN! 78 00:05:41,207 --> 00:05:49,982 HE'LL JUST GET HUNGRY, AND DINNER'S NOT TILL 3:00! 79 00:05:49,982 --> 00:05:52,118 BUT BIDEN DOESN'T WANT ANYONE-- I'M JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH 80 00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:54,353 JOE BIDEN LOVES THESE JOKES. THAT'S WHAT I'M THINKING 81 00:05:54,353 --> 00:05:56,789 RIGHT NOW. BUT BIDEN DOESN'T WANT ANYONE 82 00:05:56,789 --> 00:05:59,992 THINKING HE'S TOO OLD FOR THE JOB, WHICH IS WHY AIDES SAY 83 00:05:59,992 --> 00:06:03,863 HIS REACTION TO SEEING NEWS MENTIONS OF HIS AGE IS TO DO 84 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:08,000 A LITTLE JOG IN OR OUT OF HIS NEXT PUBLIC EVENT, 85 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,168 AND THAT OVERALL, "HE DOESN'T WANT TO 86 00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:14,340 BE A GRANDPA. HE WANTS TO BE A BRO." 87 00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:17,043 "OKAY, HERE WE GO. COME ON, LET'S GO. 88 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:21,881 HERE WE GO. HERE WEGO. 89 00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:28,888 OKAY. HEY! 90 00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:32,024 HEY. 'SUP? 91 00:06:32,024 --> 00:06:35,628 'SUP, FAM! I'M BROSEPH BIDEN! 92 00:06:35,628 --> 00:06:38,397 CAP'S ON BACKWARDS, YA PEEP MY VIBE? 93 00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:40,299 LET'S BUCKLE ON OUR LEATHER HELMETS, TOSS AROUND THE 94 00:06:40,299 --> 00:06:42,301 MEDICINE BALL, AND GO FOR A LITTLE JOG! 95 00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:44,337 HERE WE GO. OKAY, COME ON. 96 00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:45,938 LET'S GO. AW, HECK, THAT PIGEON'S 97 00:06:45,938 --> 00:06:47,607 PASSING ME. COME HERE, YA RINGNECKED 98 00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:53,112 RUFFIAN!" NOW... 99 00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:58,818 SPEAKING OF HEALTH, EVER SINCE SAM ALITO AND THE BENCH BUNCH 100 00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:01,487 OVERTURNED ROE V. WADE, REPUBLICANS ALL ACROSS THE 101 00:07:01,487 --> 00:07:03,389 COUNTRY HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR WAYS TO TRACK AND RESTRICT 102 00:07:03,389 --> 00:07:06,526 ABORTION. IT BEING PRIVATE, 103 00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:09,562 THAT'S NOT AN EASY TASK. BUT ONE THING THEY'VE BEEN 104 00:07:09,562 --> 00:07:13,699 TARGETING IS APPS THAT HELP TRACK MENSTRUAL CYCLES. 105 00:07:13,699 --> 00:07:18,070 VIRGINIA STATE SENATE PASSED A BIPARTISAN BE ABLE TO ACCESS 106 00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:20,540 THESE APPS WHICH SEEMS REASONABLE WHICH IS WHY IT'S 107 00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:24,710 BEING OPPOSED BY SEEN HERE NOT REALIZING 108 00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:26,679 HE FORGOT TO TAKE OFF HIS PICNIC NAPKIN 109 00:07:26,679 --> 00:07:31,684 BEFORE THE SPEECH. YESTERDAY, YOUNGKIN BLOCKED 110 00:07:31,684 --> 00:07:33,786 THE BILL THAT WOULD BAN POLICE FROM SEEKING MENSTRUAL 111 00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:34,754 HISTORIES. THAT'S A CLEAR INVASION 112 00:07:34,754 --> 00:07:37,957 OF PRIVACY. THE ONLY PERSON WHO SHOULD KNOW 113 00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:41,894 WHEN SOMEONE IS MENSTRUATING IS THAT PERSON AND THE WOMAN 114 00:07:41,894 --> 00:07:43,930 SHE MAKES DISCREET EYE CONTACT WITH BEFORE EXCHANGING A TAMPON, 115 00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:48,434 AND THEN GOING ON TO WIN THE LACROSSE GAME! 116 00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:56,642 I ONLY KNOW WHAT I SEE IN COMMERCIALS. 117 00:07:56,642 --> 00:08:01,047 STAFFERS FOR THE GOVERNOR CLAIM HE KILLED THE BILL BECAUSE IT 118 00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:02,248 THREATENED THE ABILITY OF LAW ENFORCEMENT TO INVESTIGATE 119 00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:05,418 CRIME. OH, YES, THERE IS A LOT OF 120 00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:10,823 MENSTRUAL CRIME IN THIS COUNTRY. YOU CAN SEE IT ALL ON THE NEW 121 00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:18,464 HIT CBS DRAMA, NCPMS. WHO WAS IN THAT? 122 00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:24,437 GARY COLE? GOOD TO SEE HIM GETTING WORK. 123 00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:27,874 THIS FEBRUARY 24TH WILL MARK ONE YEAR SINCE VLADIMIR PUTIN 124 00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:32,478 THOUGHT HE COULD TAKE UKRAINE IN THREE DAYS. 125 00:08:32,478 --> 00:08:34,947 AND A YEAR LATER, HE'S LOSING JUST AS HARD AS EVER. 126 00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:37,817 IN FACT, A NEW ESTIMATE SAYS THAT SINCE THE WAR STARTED, 127 00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:40,753 RUSSIA HAS LIKELY LOST MORE THAN HALF ITS TANKS. 128 00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:43,189 I ASSUME THAT MEANS DESTROYED, BECAUSE IT'S GOTTA BE HARD 129 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:46,058 TO LOSE A TANK. "DAMMIT, VASILY! 130 00:08:46,058 --> 00:08:55,768 WAS IT LEVEL F OR LEVEL G?" IT'S NOT JUST MILITARY SUPPLIES 131 00:08:55,768 --> 00:08:57,637 THAT ARE DWINDLING, BECAUSE WE LEARNED YESTERDAY THAT DUE TO 132 00:08:57,637 --> 00:09:00,006 ECONOMIC SANCTIONS FROM THE WEST, RUSSIA'S VIAGRA SUPPLY 133 00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:04,076 HAS BEEN CUT OFF. SO EVEN THE TANKS THEY STILL DO 134 00:09:04,076 --> 00:09:18,291 HAVE LOOK LIKE THIS. RUSSIA'S GOT A PLAN, THOUGH. 135 00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,459 THE KREMLIN IS NOW SCRAMBLING TO COMMISSION GENERIC ERECTION 136 00:09:20,459 --> 00:09:23,462 PILLS. IN FACT, THE GOVERNMENT SAYS 137 00:09:23,462 --> 00:09:25,665 THEY ALREADY HAVE ONE IN DEVELOPMENT. 138 00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:30,436 WARNING... IS POTATO. 139 00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:34,907 OF COURSE, THERE'S PLENTY OF CRISES RIGHT HERE AT HOME. 140 00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:40,112 ON FEBRUARY 3RD, THERE WAS A HORRIFIC TRAIN DERAILMENT 141 00:09:40,112 --> 00:09:42,848 IN EAST PALESTINE, OHIO, THAT IS POTENTIALLY 142 00:09:42,848 --> 00:09:45,017 ONE OF THE WORST ENVIRONMENTAL DISASTERS IN THE NATION'S 143 00:09:45,017 --> 00:09:48,387 HISTORY. WHEN THIS NORFOLK SOUTHERN 144 00:09:48,387 --> 00:09:52,358 FREIGHT TRAIN DERAILED, IT SPILLED 1.1 MILLION POUNDS 145 00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:53,893 OF SOMETHING CALLED VINYL CHLORIDE, 146 00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:59,231 AN INCREDIBLY TOXIC CARCINOGEN, WHICH IS ALSO HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE. 147 00:09:59,231 --> 00:10:02,568 SO, AS A SAFETY MEASURE, NORFOLK SOUTHERN DID WHAT THEY 148 00:10:02,568 --> 00:10:05,137 CALL A "CONTROLLED BURN." AND THIS IS WHAT THEY 149 00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:09,475 CALL CONTROL. EVEN WORSE, THERE WERE OTHER 150 00:10:09,475 --> 00:10:10,643 DANGEROUS CHEMICALS IN THE SPILL, BUT NORFOLK SOUTHERN 151 00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:13,012 DIDN'T RELEASE THE FULL LIST UNTIL OVER A WEEK LATER, 152 00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:18,317 ON SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 12. THEY RELEASED IT 153 00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:19,685 ON SUPER BOWL! THEY WERE CLEARLY 154 00:10:19,685 --> 00:10:21,420 TRYING TO BURY IT. THE ONLY LIST OF DANGEROUS 155 00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:22,555 CHEMICALS YOU WANT TO READ DURING THE SUPER BOWL 156 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:27,927 IS ON THE SIDE OF YOUR DORITOS BAG. 157 00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:32,264 THAT'S WHAT MAKES THE RANCH SO COOL! 158 00:10:32,264 --> 00:10:35,067 FIVE DAYS AFTER THE DERAILMENT, PEOPLE WERE TOLD IT WAS SAFE 159 00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:37,436 TO GO HOME, DESPITE RESIDENTS COMPLAINING OF TROUBL 160 00:10:37,436 --> 00:10:42,141 BREATHING, NOXIOUS SMELLS, NAUSEA, AND HEADACHES. 161 00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:44,076 OFFICIALS ARE TRYING TO GET FOLKS TO COME BACK HOME, 162 00:10:44,076 --> 00:10:48,481 REASSURING RESIDENTS THE AIR IS SAFE TO BREATHE. 163 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,582 "PAY NO ATTENTION TO YOUR LYING LUNGS. 164 00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:53,185 THE TINGLING MEANS THE AIR IS WORKING." 165 00:10:53,185 --> 00:10:58,190 IN RESPONSE TO THIS DEVASTATION, THE FOLKS OVER AT NORFOLK 166 00:10:58,190 --> 00:11:05,431 SOUTHERN OFFERED $25,000. THAT'S THE WHOLE TOWN. 167 00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:08,601 EAST PALESTINE, OHIO, HAS ABOUT 5,000 RESIDENTS. 168 00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:12,204 THAT'S 5 BUCKS PER PERSON. "SORRY FOR TURNING YOUR TOWN 169 00:11:12,204 --> 00:11:14,006 INTO A LIFELESS HELLSCAPE. YOU KNOW WHAT MIGHT HELP? 170 00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:19,879 A FOOTLONG AT SUBWAY." THERE YOU GO. 171 00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:22,415 SENSING THAT MAYBE NOT ENOUGH, NORFOLK SOUTHERN IS NOW OFFERING 172 00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:24,950 RESIDENTS $1,000 INCONVENIENCE CHECKS. 173 00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:27,820 REALLY? YOU CALL THIS AN 174 00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:32,525 "INCONVENIENCE"? THAT'S LIKE GIVING SURVIVORS OF 175 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:35,928 THE TITANIC A REIMBURSEMENT FOR DAMPNESS. 176 00:11:35,928 --> 00:11:38,764 NORFOLK SOUTHERN, I THINK I SPEAK FOR EVERYONE WHEN I SAY, 177 00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:43,035 "NORFOLK YOU." WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 178 00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:45,871 TONIGHT, MY GUESTS ARE REVEREND AL SHARPTON AND ACTRESS 179 00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:48,874 JESSICA WILLIAMS. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, 180 00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:53,479 CONGRESSMAN GEORGE SANTOS WILL BE HERE ANSWERING 181 00:11:53,479 --> 00:12:02,388 MY VERY TOUGH QUESTIONS. STICK AROUND. 182 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:07,760 Announcer: "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT," SPONSORED 183 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:12,832 BY LIBERTY MUTUAL INSURANCE. ONLY PAY FOR WHAT YOU NEED. 184 00:12:17,136 --> 00:12:30,549 ♪ ♪ 185 00:12:30,549 --> 00:12:35,788 Stephen: OH, HEY. SAY HELLO TO LOUIS CATO AND THE 186 00:12:35,788 --> 00:12:39,525 "THE LATE SHOW" BAND RIGHT THE THERE. 187 00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:43,362 GOOD TO SEE YOU. LOUIS. 188 00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:46,132 LOUIS, AS A QUICK REMINDER, QUICK REMINDER. 189 00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:47,933 I KNOW I DON'T HAVE TO REMIND YOU BECAUSE YOU TALK ABOUT IT 190 00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:52,438 ALL THE TIME. MY LOVELY WIFE EVIE WAS ON THE 191 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,940 SHOW LITTLE WHILE AGO FOR VALENTINE'S DAY AND WE WERE 192 00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:57,977 DOING A THING CALLED "FIRST DRAFTS." 193 00:12:57,977 --> 00:13:02,081 WE ANNOUNCED THE YOU CAN GO OUT TO GET YOUR OWN LATE SHOW "FIRST 194 00:13:02,081 --> 00:13:07,786 DRAFT" CARDS. I'VE GOT SIX SETS OF TWO CARDS. 195 00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:10,856 SIX DIFFERENT HOLIDAYS ARE COVERED IN THESE FANTASTIC CARDS 196 00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:13,659 HERE. ONE OF WHICH IS A LOVELY CARD 197 00:13:13,659 --> 00:13:15,161 THAT YOU WOULD BUY FOR A LOVED ONE. 198 00:13:15,161 --> 00:13:21,066 THE OTHER ONE IN THIS SET IS THE VERY BAD ONE THAT WAS THE FIRST 199 00:13:21,066 --> 00:13:23,435 DRAFT. QUICK REMINDER. 200 00:13:23,435 --> 00:13:29,308 ALL OF OUR PROCEEDS GO TO HELP WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN. 201 00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:34,880 GO TO ColbertLateShow.com. WE RAISED ABOUT $15,000, 202 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:38,217 SOMETHING LIKE THAT SO CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU FOR BEING 203 00:13:38,217 --> 00:13:45,424 NICE PEOPLE. GO GET 'EM. 204 00:13:45,424 --> 00:13:49,828 FOLKS, IF YOU WATCH THE SHOW, OR MY LAST SHOW OR FOLLOWED MY 205 00:13:49,828 --> 00:13:53,799 CAREER, YOU KNOW THAT I AM A ROMAN CATHOLIC. 206 00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:58,237 LENT IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER. AND AS A CATHOLIC, YOU'RE 207 00:13:58,237 --> 00:14:00,940 SUPPOSED TO GIVE UP SOMETHING THAT'S KIND OF A TREAT, 208 00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:04,043 WHICH MEANS THIS YEAR I MAY HAVE TO GIVE UP TALKING ABOUT 209 00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:05,878 NEW YORK REPRESENTATIVE GEORGE SANTOS. 210 00:14:05,878 --> 00:14:18,791 BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE EVERY DAY WE LEARN A NEW OUTRAGEOUS LIE. 211 00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:21,961 HE FALSELY CLAIMED TO HAVE JEWISH ANCESTRY, SAID HE WAS 212 00:14:21,961 --> 00:14:25,764 A STAR VOLLEYBALL PLAYER AT THE COLLEGE HE NEVER 213 00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:29,368 ATTENDED, CLAIMED HE HAD A ROLE ON "HANNAH MONTANA," AND WAS 214 00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:31,837 A PRODUCER ON THE DISASTROUS SPIDER-MAN MUSICAL. 215 00:14:31,837 --> 00:14:34,974 AND NOW THERE ARE ALSO NEW LEGAL CONCERNS LIKE THE FACT THAT HIS 216 00:14:34,974 --> 00:14:38,344 CAMPAIGN HAS $365,000 IN UNEXPLAINED EXPENSES, 217 00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:41,513 AND THAT HE WAS ONCE CHARGED WITH STEALING PUPPIES FROM AMISH 218 00:14:41,513 --> 00:14:46,785 DOG BREEDERS. NOW, LISTEN. 219 00:14:46,785 --> 00:14:48,487 I KNOW THAT SOUNDS REALLY BAD BUT IT'S IMPORTANT 220 00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:55,761 TO REMEMBER, IT IS. YOU MAY BE ASKING, STEVE, 221 00:14:55,761 --> 00:14:58,264 IS GEORGE SANTOS SORRY ABOUT ANY OF THIS? 222 00:14:58,264 --> 00:15:00,165 WELL, THE ANSWER MAY CONFUSE YOU. 223 00:15:00,165 --> 00:15:02,468 ARE YOU SORRY? I'VE SAID I WAS SORRY 224 00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:06,538 MANY TIMES. I'VE BEHAVED AS IF I'M SORRY. 225 00:15:06,538 --> 00:15:09,375 WHEN YOU ASK, "OH, YOU HAVE NOT SHOWN REMORSE" OR "YOU DON'T 226 00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:13,379 SEEM TO LOOK SORRY." I DON'T KNOW WHAT LOOKING SORRY 227 00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:19,051 LOOKS LIKE. Stephen: EVIDENTLY, "LOOKING 228 00:15:19,051 --> 00:15:22,154 SORRY" IS NOT ONE OF THE CLASSES THEY TEACH AT 229 00:15:22,154 --> 00:15:31,930 IMAGINARY VOLLEYBALL UNIVERSITY. WELL, GIVEN... 230 00:15:31,930 --> 00:15:34,833 [APPLAUSE] GIVEN HIS GROWING 231 00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:37,603 MOUNTAIN OF LIES, ONGOING INVESTIGATIONS, AND FLAGGING 232 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,605 REPUBLICAN SUPPORT, WHO KNOWS HOW LONG 233 00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:42,608 HE CAN STAY IN OFFICE? HERE TO TELL US HOW 234 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:43,842 LONG HE CAN STAY IN OFFICE: NEW YORK CONGRESSMAN 235 00:15:43,842 --> 00:15:51,650 GEORGE SANTOS. CONGRESSMAN, 236 00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:53,285 CONGRESSMAN SANTOS, THANKS FOR JOINING US AGAIN. 237 00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,420 IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK ON YOUR SHOW, HANNAH MONTANA! 238 00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:58,190 Stephen: I'M NOT-- OKAY. 239 00:15:58,190 --> 00:16:01,093 CONGRESSMAN, I'M SURPRISED YOU AGREED TO BE HERE SINCE YOU 240 00:16:01,093 --> 00:16:03,262 TWEETED OUT HOW UPSET YOU WERE WITH PEOPLE IMPERSONATING 241 00:16:03,262 --> 00:16:05,864 YOU ON LATE NIGHT SHOWS. OF COURSE I'M UPSET! 242 00:16:05,864 --> 00:16:09,134 DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO TURN ON THE TV AND SEE 243 00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:12,171 AN ACTOR PLAYING GEORGE SANTOS WHO IS NOT ONLY MORE 244 00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:24,350 BELIEVABLE THAN YOU ARE, BUT ALSO WAY MORE ATTRACTIVE? 245 00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:26,185 Stephen: THAT MUST BE HARD. NOW, SINCE WE LAST 246 00:16:26,185 --> 00:16:29,221 TALKED, YOU WERE ESSENTIALLY FORCED TO STEP DOWN FROM ALL 247 00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:30,689 YOUR COMMITTEE ASSIGNMENTS. WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING 248 00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:31,890 WITH YOUR TIME? OH, SO MUCH. 249 00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:37,730 I GAVE THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS, SHOT DOWN THOSE SPY 250 00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:42,501 BALLOONS, PERFORMED THE SUPER BOWL HALFTIME SHOW, 251 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:44,803 WHERE I REVEALED THAT I'M PREGNANT! 252 00:16:44,803 --> 00:16:48,507 Stephen: MAZEL TOV? WHAT'S THAT? 253 00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:52,010 I DON'T SPEAK JEWISH. Stephen: WELL, TO THAT POINT, 254 00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:54,513 YOU'VE ADMITTED TO FABRICATING SOME OF YOUR BACKSTORY. 255 00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:57,583 BUT YOU NEVER SEEM TO SHOW ENOUGH REMORSE ABOUT IT. 256 00:16:57,583 --> 00:17:00,586 OH, COME ON, STEPHEN. WHAT DOES SORRY EVEN LOOK LIKE? 257 00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:05,858 IS IT THIS? OR THIS? 258 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:09,828 OR MAYBE THIS? LL-L-L-L-L-LA. 259 00:17:09,828 --> 00:17:11,563 Stephen: IT'S NOT THOSE. NOW CONGRESSMAN, I WANT TO 260 00:17:11,563 --> 00:17:13,265 ASK YOU A QUESTION ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL LIFE. 261 00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:19,705 WHICH ONE? Stephen: EXACTLY. 262 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:22,875 YESTERDAY THE HOUSE WAS ASKED TO INVESTIGATE YOUR SEVEN-YEAR 263 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:27,279 MARRIAGE TO A BRAZILIAN WOMAN UNDER THE SUSPICION THAT IT 264 00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:30,149 WAS JUST A SHAM FOR HER TO GET HER A GREEN CARD. 265 00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:33,085 WELL, AS WE SAY IN VOLLEYBALL: THAT'S A YELLOW 266 00:17:33,085 --> 00:17:42,327 CARD! Stephen: REALLY? 267 00:17:42,327 --> 00:17:47,332 YOU SAY IT LIKE MARIO? CONGRESSMAN, LISTEN. 268 00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:50,903 I UNDERSTAND THE CONFUSION. BECAUSE YOU NOW CLAIM TO BE 269 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,872 MARRIED TO A MAN-- BUT THE THING IS, YOU'VE 270 00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:57,443 NEVER BEEN SEEN WITH THAT MAN, AND YOU DON'T WEAR 271 00:17:57,443 --> 00:17:59,011 A WEDDING RING. SO WHAT EXACTLY IS 272 00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:02,681 YOUR MARITAL STATUS? OH, STEPHEN! 273 00:18:02,681 --> 00:18:07,085 STEPHEN, STEPHEN. HOW DARE YOU ASK ME THAT 274 00:18:07,085 --> 00:18:10,022 ON MY WEDDING DAY? Stephen: WHO ARE YOU 275 00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:12,458 MARRYING NOW? I DON'T KNOW. 276 00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:15,594 I JUST WANTED TO REGISTER SO I CAN GET THIS 277 00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:20,833 AIR FRYER. THESE THINGS ARE BULKY. 278 00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:22,701 BULKY TO STEAL. Stephen: CONGRESSMAN, 279 00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:24,203 AT THIS POINT EVEN SOME REPUBLICANS ARE BACKING AWAY 280 00:18:24,203 --> 00:18:28,474 FROM YOU. AREN'T YOU WORRIED ABOUT FACING 281 00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:30,442 A HOUSE ETHICS INVESTIGATION? BRING ON THE ETHICS 282 00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:35,614 INVESTIGATION. THEY WON'T FIND ANYTHING. 283 00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:36,782 Stephen: REALLY? NO WRONGDOING? 284 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:43,555 NO. NO "ETHICS." 285 00:18:43,555 --> 00:18:45,624 Stephen: OKAY. WELL, I BELIEVE THAT. 286 00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:48,227 THERE YOU GO. I BELIEVE THAT. 287 00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:50,229 ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THE CRIMINAL CHARGE THAT YOU STOLE 288 00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:52,464 PUPPIES FROM AN AMISH DOG BREEDER. 289 00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:57,703 MORE LIES FROM THE AMISH MEDIA! 290 00:18:57,703 --> 00:19:01,507 I NEVER STOLE ANY PUPPIES. Stephen: BUT THERE IS 291 00:19:01,507 --> 00:19:05,210 CLEAR EVIDENCE. THERE ARE MULTIPLE CHECKS WITH 292 00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:07,846 YOUR NAME ON THEM TO THE AMISH DOG BREEDER. 293 00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:11,283 HOW CAN YOU CLAIM TO BE INNOCENT? 294 00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:17,923 OH, I HAVE TWO LITTLE EYEWITNESSES RIGHT HERE! 295 00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:21,493 WHOSE GONNA TESTIFY FOR ME? STOLEN PUPPY NUMBER ONE? 296 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:23,195 OR NUMBER TWO? Stephen: THEY ARE VERY 297 00:19:23,195 --> 00:19:27,666 ADORABLE. YOU WANT 'EM? 298 00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:33,705 YOU CAN HAVE THEM FOR $365,000. I'LL EVEN THROW IN AN AIR FRYER! 299 00:19:33,705 --> 00:19:34,973 Stephen: I DON'T NEED AN AIR FRYER. 300 00:19:34,973 --> 00:19:37,943 NO. I MEAN, GIVE ME THE MONEY 301 00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:39,611 OR I'LL THROW THEM IN AN AIR FRYER. 302 00:19:39,611 --> 00:19:43,515 Stephen: OKAY, I'M SORRY I EVER ASKED YOU ON. 303 00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:44,650 AND I DON'T SEE HOW YOU COULD POSSIBLY BOUNCE BACK FROM 304 00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:48,387 ALL OF THIS CONTROVERSY. EASY, STEPHEN. 305 00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:51,523 WITH A BIG MUSICAL NUMBER FROM MY BROADWAY SHOW, 306 00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:53,158 "SPIDERMAN: TURN OFF THE DARK." HIT IT! 307 00:19:53,158 --> 00:19:55,727 Stephen: DON'T HIT IT, LOUIS. STILL HIT IT, LOUIS! 308 00:19:55,727 --> 00:19:57,896 [SINGING TO THE TUNE OF "OKLAHOMA"] 309 00:19:57,896 --> 00:20:01,867 OOOOOOOOOOOO-SPIDER MAN 310 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,602 WHERE THE LIGHTS GO TURNING OFF THE DARK!" 311 00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:04,903 Stephen: REPRESENTATIVE SANTOS, EVERYONE! 312 00:20:04,903 --> 00:20:09,975 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE REVEREND AL SHARPTON. 313 00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:22,354 ♪ ♪ 314 00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:26,425 ♪ GONNA KEEP ON WALKING, GONNA KEEP ON TALKING ♪ 315 00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:31,063 Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 316 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:35,200 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW." 317 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,235 MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT HAS SPENT HIS ENTIRE LIFE FIGHTING FOR 318 00:20:37,235 --> 00:20:39,805 CIVIL RIGHTS. HE'S NOW THE SUBJECT OF 319 00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:44,843 THE DOCUMENTARY, "LOUDMOUTH." YOU DON'T HAVE NONE OF US 320 00:20:44,843 --> 00:20:53,518 UNDER CONTROL. AND YOU WILL NEVER HAVE US UNDER 321 00:20:53,518 --> 00:21:07,399 CONTROL AGAIN. IT FELT LIKE A VICTORY BUT 322 00:21:07,399 --> 00:21:13,538 YOU KNEW THAT YOU WON A CASE AND THAT CHANGE THE SYSTEM. 323 00:21:13,538 --> 00:21:21,847 I KNEW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MOMENTS AND MOVEMENTS THAT WON. 324 00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:32,024 IT WAS A GOOD MOMENTARY VICTORY. Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME 325 00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:51,076 REVEREND AL SHARPTON. 326 00:21:51,076 --> 00:22:02,120 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] REVEREND, THANKS FOR BEING 327 00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:03,255 HERE. Reverend Sharpton: 328 00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:06,892 THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. Stephen: YOU ARE TALKING IN 329 00:22:06,892 --> 00:22:12,597 THAT QUOTE, THAT QUOTE ABOUT MOMENTARY VICTORIES AND ONGOING 330 00:22:12,597 --> 00:22:15,567 BATTLES. YOU JUST CAME BACK FROM FLORIDA, 331 00:22:15,567 --> 00:22:23,642 FROM AN EVENT DOWN THERE PROTESTING THE ATTEMPTS TO BAN 332 00:22:23,642 --> 00:22:25,077 BLACK HISTORY FROM CLASSROOMS IN FLORIDA. 333 00:22:25,077 --> 00:22:30,482 DO YOU HAVE A MESSAGE FOR DeSANTIS AND OTHERS WHO ARE 334 00:22:30,482 --> 00:22:35,954 TRYING TO CONTROL THAT CURRICULUM? 335 00:22:35,954 --> 00:22:39,224 Reverend Sharpton: I THINK THAT WE ARE TO HAVE THE COUNTRY 336 00:22:39,224 --> 00:22:42,394 TO BECOME THE NATION THAT IT PROPOSES TO BE, WE NEED TO KNOW 337 00:22:42,394 --> 00:22:46,732 EVERYBODY'S HISTORY AND WE NEED TO CELEBRATE EVERYBODY'S HISTORY 338 00:22:46,732 --> 00:22:50,535 AND NOT CENSOR IT. WHAT THE GOVERNMENT IS TRYING TO 339 00:22:50,535 --> 00:22:54,940 DO, GOVERNOR DeSANTIS, HE IS TRYING TO USE CULTURAL WAR TO 340 00:22:54,940 --> 00:22:56,575 RUN FOR PRESIDENT, US AGAINST THEM. 341 00:22:56,575 --> 00:22:59,578 I'M GOING TO DO THIS TO THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY. 342 00:22:59,578 --> 00:23:03,315 I'M GOING TO DO THIS WITH WOMEN'S RIGHTS. 343 00:23:03,315 --> 00:23:07,085 I'M GOING TO SEND MIGRANTS OUT OF FLORIDA TO MARTHA'S VINEYARD. 344 00:23:07,085 --> 00:23:11,523 I'M GOING TO DECIDE WHAT MAKES WHITES UNCOMFORTABLE AND BLACK 345 00:23:11,523 --> 00:23:13,892 HISTORY RATHER THAN SAYING BEFORE WE LEARN ABOUT THE TRUTH 346 00:23:13,892 --> 00:23:16,361 ABOUT ALL OF US, IT BRINGS US ALL TOGETHER. 347 00:23:16,361 --> 00:23:18,163 IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE UNITED STATES. 348 00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:24,703 HE THINKS BECAUSE HIS MENTOR AND POLITICAL DADDY, DONALD TRUMP, 349 00:23:24,703 --> 00:23:33,278 USED RACE TO GO INTO POLITICS. DON'T FORGET DONALD TRUMP 350 00:23:33,278 --> 00:23:36,214 STARTED WITH BIRTHERRISM. HE IS TRYING TO USE THE RACE 351 00:23:36,214 --> 00:23:39,684 WEDGE THAT BABY TRUMP, THAT YOU CALL DeSANTIS, TRYING TO 352 00:23:39,684 --> 00:23:41,520 USE BLACK HISTORY MONTH TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT SOME OF US IS 353 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:45,690 SAYING THAT OUR HISTORY IS TOO IMPORTANT TO US TO LET THAT 354 00:23:45,690 --> 00:23:53,732 HAPPEN. [APPLAUSE] 355 00:23:53,732 --> 00:24:00,071 Stephen: ARE YOU SURPRISED, AGAIN, TALKING ABOUT MOMENTARY 356 00:24:00,071 --> 00:24:03,475 VICTORIES AND ONGOING BATTLES, ARE YOU SURPRISED THAT IN THIS 357 00:24:03,475 --> 00:24:07,946 CASE CRITICAL RACE THEORY, OR CRT, IS ITS ABBREVIATED, IS JUST 358 00:24:07,946 --> 00:24:10,916 BEING USED AS SORT OF A CATCH-ALL FOR ANYTHING THAT 359 00:24:10,916 --> 00:24:15,020 PEOPLE DON'T LIKE ON THE FARTHEST RIGHT REACHES OF THE 360 00:24:15,020 --> 00:24:18,890 REPUBLICAN PARTY? EVERYTHING GETS DUMPED IN THERE, 361 00:24:18,890 --> 00:24:23,094 THE BYWORD FOR DIVISIVENESS. ARE YOU SURPRISED THAT IT'S 362 00:24:23,094 --> 00:24:27,065 BEING USED AS QUITE SUCH A CULTURAL? 363 00:24:27,065 --> 00:24:31,436 Reverend Sharpton: I'M NOT AS SURPRISED AS I AM TRYING TO 364 00:24:31,436 --> 00:24:33,538 DRAMATIZE WITH HAPPENING. THAT'S WHY WE DID THAT MARCH 365 00:24:33,538 --> 00:24:39,744 YESTERDAY, THE RALLIES, I THINK THE SURPRISE I THINK THEY HAVE 366 00:24:39,744 --> 00:24:44,583 IS THAT MANY PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT COMMUNITIES ARE NOW BEGINNING TO 367 00:24:44,583 --> 00:24:47,853 COME TOGETHER. I REMEMBER WHEN GEORGE FLOYD 368 00:24:47,853 --> 00:24:52,190 HAPPENED AND I WENT TO DO THE FUNERAL AND WORK WITH THE FAMILY 369 00:24:52,190 --> 00:24:53,859 AND SOME OF THE RALLIES AND MARCHES. 370 00:24:53,859 --> 00:24:57,829 I WENT TO SOME RALLIES, THERE WERE MORE WHITES THAN BLACKS, 371 00:24:57,829 --> 00:25:02,467 SAYING THAT THIS IS WRONG. I REMEMBER THERE WAS A WHITE 372 00:25:02,467 --> 00:25:06,938 17-YEAR-OLD YOUNG MAN IN A PLACE CALLED DB ARKANSAS KILLED BY 373 00:25:06,938 --> 00:25:13,211 POLICE, HIS FAMILY CALLED ME AND ATTORNEY BEN CRUMP TO COME IN. 374 00:25:13,211 --> 00:25:17,382 I PREACHED AT HIS FUNERAL, THEY DON'T PUT THAT ON RIGHT WING 375 00:25:17,382 --> 00:25:20,652 NEWS. I WON'T CALL THEIR NAME BECAUSE 376 00:25:20,652 --> 00:25:24,289 I DON'T ADVERTISE ON YOUR PLATFORM MY ADVERSARIES. 377 00:25:24,289 --> 00:25:28,260 Stephen: NO FREE RIDES. Reverend Sharpton: NO FREE 378 00:25:28,260 --> 00:25:31,196 RIDES. YOU AND I ARE GOING TO HAVE TO 379 00:25:31,196 --> 00:25:34,466 TALK ABOUT ME COMING OUT AFTER CONGRESSMAN SANTOS. 380 00:25:34,466 --> 00:25:38,470 BUT THAT'S ANOTHER TIME. PEOPLE ARE COMING TOGETHER MORE 381 00:25:38,470 --> 00:25:44,609 THAN THEY WOULD HAVE EVER FELT, WHICH IS WHY JOE BIDEN BEAT 382 00:25:44,609 --> 00:25:46,044 TRUMP. NOT BECAUSE OF A DEMOCRAT. 383 00:25:46,044 --> 00:25:50,248 PEOPLE DON'T WANT THE DIVISION. PEOPLE AROUND AMERICA DON'T 384 00:25:50,248 --> 00:25:53,652 AGREE WITH ME ON EVERYTHING THAT THEY AGREE WE ALL NEED TO TALK 385 00:25:53,652 --> 00:25:58,657 AND DEAL WITH THESE ISSUES. I THINK THAT THEY OVERPLAYED 386 00:25:58,657 --> 00:26:01,326 THEIR HANDS IN TERMS OF THIS DIVISIVENESS. 387 00:26:01,326 --> 00:26:05,563 TRUMP WAS PRESIDENT FOR FOUR YEARS IT WAS ALWAYS PLAYING THIS 388 00:26:05,563 --> 00:26:07,766 POLARIZATION. I THINK PEOPLE ARE SICK AND 389 00:26:07,766 --> 00:26:11,069 TIRED OF IT. [APPLAUSE] 390 00:26:11,069 --> 00:26:14,039 Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 391 00:26:14,039 --> 00:26:15,774 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE AL SHARPTON. 392 00:26:15,774 --> 00:26:17,809 STICK AROUND. 393 00:26:23,448 --> 00:26:24,916 Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 394 00:26:24,916 --> 00:26:28,753 IT'S THE REVEREND AL SHARPTON. SUBJECT TO THE NEW DOCUMENTARY 395 00:26:28,753 --> 00:26:31,189 "LOUDMOUTH." YOU MENTIONED SPEAKING AT 396 00:26:31,189 --> 00:26:35,160 GEORGE FLOYD'S FUNERAL. HE ALSO SPOKE AT TYRE NICHOLS, 397 00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:39,864 ERIC GARNER, DAUNTE WRIGHT, AND THOSE OF US WHO ARE NOT 398 00:26:39,864 --> 00:26:45,170 INTIMATELY INVOLVED, DON'T KNOW THE FAMILIES, CAN LOOK AT THIS 399 00:26:45,170 --> 00:26:47,706 AND FEEL IGNORED TO THE HORROR OF IT. 400 00:26:47,706 --> 00:26:58,116 HOW DO YOU STAY CONNECTED TO ANY KIND OF HOPEFUL MESSAGE THAT YOU 401 00:26:58,116 --> 00:27:04,022 CAN BRNG TO THOSE WHO ARE IN PAIN, SOME SORT OF WAY, IN A 402 00:27:04,022 --> 00:27:12,030 FRESH WAY, TO SOOTHE THE BATTERED SOULS OF THOSE WHO 403 00:27:12,030 --> 00:27:16,468 BRUTALITY? HOW DO YOU KEEP THAT EULOGY 404 00:27:16,468 --> 00:27:17,969 HONEST? Reverend Sharpton: YOU 405 00:27:17,969 --> 00:27:20,939 KNOW, IT IS HARD. YOU SAY TO OURSELVES, HERE WE GO 406 00:27:20,939 --> 00:27:23,775 AGAIN. AND YOU SAY TO YOURSELF, WHAT 407 00:27:23,775 --> 00:27:28,013 CAN I SAY. THE ANSWER BECOMES, THAT YOU 408 00:27:28,013 --> 00:27:30,348 NEED TO GO AND ENCOURAGE THEM TO GIVE MEANING. 409 00:27:30,348 --> 00:27:33,918 YOU CAN'T GIVE THE LIFE BACK OF THEIR LOVED ONE BUT YOU CAN SAY, 410 00:27:33,918 --> 00:27:38,089 WE NEED TO FIGHT TO MAKE SURE THIS DOES NOT CONTINUE TO 411 00:27:38,089 --> 00:27:41,226 HAPPEN. THESE FAMILIES DIDN'T ASK TO 412 00:27:41,226 --> 00:27:43,461 BECOME PUBLIC FIGURES I CHOSE WHAT I DO. 413 00:27:43,461 --> 00:27:46,998 I LOVE WHAT I DO AND I FEEL I WAS CALLED TO DO IT. 414 00:27:46,998 --> 00:27:51,803 THEY DIDN'T. I TELL MY DAUGHTERS ALL THE 415 00:27:51,803 --> 00:27:56,641 TIME, I ASK GOD IN MY PRAYER, I AM VERY MUCH-- 416 00:27:56,641 --> 00:28:00,612 DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT. YOU SHOULD BE PRAYING TOO. 417 00:28:00,612 --> 00:28:02,580 Stephen: EVERY DAY. Reverend Sharpton: ALL DAY 418 00:28:02,580 --> 00:28:06,051 EVERY DAY. I SAY WHY DOES THIS KEEP 419 00:28:06,051 --> 00:28:08,253 HAPPENING. ONE DAY A MINISTER SAID TO ME 420 00:28:08,253 --> 00:28:10,422 GOD ANSWERED YOUR PRAYER. HE SAID WHAT'S THAT? 421 00:28:10,422 --> 00:28:14,926 HE SENT GOD ASKED, I SHOULD BE ASKING YOU WHY DOES IT KEEP 422 00:28:14,926 --> 00:28:17,662 HAPPENING? WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO STOP IT? 423 00:28:17,662 --> 00:28:20,131 GOD IS NOT GOING TO COME DOWN AND STOP US FROM DOING THESE 424 00:28:20,131 --> 00:28:21,900 THINGS. WE HAVE TO DO IT THAT'S WHAT 425 00:28:21,900 --> 00:28:25,236 GIVES ME THE STRENGTH TO GO TO THESE FUNERALS AND SAY WE NEED 426 00:28:25,236 --> 00:28:28,573 TO LOOK AT THIS AND FIGHT TO STOP THIS AND THESE FAMILIES 427 00:28:28,573 --> 00:28:32,811 HAVE HELPED US TO DO THAT. GEORGE FLOYD HAPPENED. 428 00:28:32,811 --> 00:28:36,848 PEOPLE MARCHED ALL OVER THE WE COULDN'T GET THE GEORGE FLOYD 429 00:28:36,848 --> 00:28:41,119 FEDERAL ACT THROUGH, JUSTICE AND POLICING ACT THROUGH THE SENATE. 430 00:28:41,119 --> 00:28:44,422 GOT IT THROUGH THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES. 431 00:28:44,422 --> 00:28:47,692 PRESIDENT BIDEN SIGNED AN EXECUTIVE ORDER WHICH IS WHAT 432 00:28:47,692 --> 00:28:49,260 LINCOLN DID WITH THE EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION. 433 00:28:49,260 --> 00:28:52,997 THERE IS SOME INCREMENTAL STEPS. BEING THAT I GREW UP BEING 434 00:28:52,997 --> 00:28:57,635 TRAINED BY PEOPLE IN THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT, IT TOOK FROM 435 00:28:57,635 --> 00:29:01,473 THE BUS BOYCOTT OF ROSA PARKS AND MARTIN LUTHER KING IN '55 TO 436 00:29:01,473 --> 00:29:04,943 '64 TO GET THE CIVIL RIGHTS ACT. IT'S NOT SOMETHING IS GOING TO 437 00:29:04,943 --> 00:29:08,913 HAPPEN OVERNIGHT. LOOK AT HOW LONG GAYS HAD TO 438 00:29:08,913 --> 00:29:12,383 FIGHT TO GET RESPECTED FOR LGBTQ RIGHTS. 439 00:29:12,383 --> 00:29:15,687 IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A QUICK HASHTAG, YOU SHOULDN'T BE IN THE 440 00:29:15,687 --> 00:29:19,390 MOVEMENT. YOU SHOULD BE ENTERED FOR FOR 441 00:29:19,390 --> 00:29:27,432 THE LONG RUN. YOU SHOULD BE IN IT FOR THE LONG 442 00:29:27,432 --> 00:29:28,500 RUN. [APPLAUSE] 443 00:29:28,500 --> 00:29:32,670 Stephen: LET'S GET INTO THIS DOCUMENTARY CALLED 444 00:29:32,670 --> 00:29:35,106 "LOUDMOUTH." DO YOU LIKE THAT TITLE? 445 00:29:35,106 --> 00:29:36,941 Reverend Sharpton: I'LL BE HONEST. 446 00:29:36,941 --> 00:29:41,513 THE PRESIDENT OF MOTOWN RECORDS CAME TO ME AND SAID THERE'S A 447 00:29:41,513 --> 00:29:48,153 YOUNG WHITE DIRECTOR NAMED JOSH ALEXANDER WHO I HAVE TALKED TO. 448 00:29:48,153 --> 00:29:51,723 WANTS TO DO A DOCUMENTARY. HE SAID JOHN LEGEND, THE 449 00:29:51,723 --> 00:29:54,259 ENTERTAINER SAID HE WOULD BE THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER. 450 00:29:54,259 --> 00:29:57,929 THEY WANT TO STUDY HOW MEDIA HAS TREATED YOU FROM WHEN YOU 451 00:29:57,929 --> 00:30:03,801 STARTED IN YOUR TEEN YEARS IN THE '80s TO ALL THE WAY TO NOW 452 00:30:03,801 --> 00:30:06,237 WHEN YOU'RE IN A DIFFERENT KIND OF PLACE AND THE AMERICAN 453 00:30:06,237 --> 00:30:07,906 PSYCHE. HE SAID THREE THINGS I WANT TO 454 00:30:07,906 --> 00:30:11,776 TELL YOU BEFORE YOU AGREE. I SAID OKAY, WHAT IS THAT? 455 00:30:11,776 --> 00:30:16,381 HE SAID ONE, YOU HAVE NO EDITORIAL CONTROL, NO RIGHT TO 456 00:30:16,381 --> 00:30:21,986 PUT IN OR TAKE OUT ANYTHING. THE DIRECTOR, YOUNG WHITE GUY 457 00:30:21,986 --> 00:30:24,789 FROM SAN FRANCISCO, JOSH ALEXANDER, HE'S GOING TO DIRECT 458 00:30:24,789 --> 00:30:28,159 IT. YOU CAN'T CHOOSE A DIFFERENT 459 00:30:28,159 --> 00:30:30,094 DIRECTOR. THREE ARE GOING TO CALL IT 460 00:30:30,094 --> 00:30:32,530 "LOUDMOUTH." I SAID I CAN LIVE WITH THE FIRST 461 00:30:32,530 --> 00:30:35,400 TWO. LET ME THINK ABOUT THE OTHER. 462 00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:40,705 I CALLED HIM THE NEXT DAY AND I SAID YOU KNOW WHAT, MANY OF THE 463 00:30:40,705 --> 00:30:43,107 CIVIL RIGHTS GUYS BEFORE ME, MARTIN LUTHER KING AND OTHERS, 464 00:30:43,107 --> 00:30:47,378 CAME FROM THE SOUTH WHERE YOU COULD DO A RALLY, PASS OUT 465 00:30:47,378 --> 00:30:49,180 FLYERS. I WAS BORN AND RAISED IN 466 00:30:49,180 --> 00:30:54,619 BROOKLYN, NEW YORK. WE HAD TO COMPETE WITH BROADWAY 467 00:30:54,619 --> 00:30:57,021 LIGHTS, TIMES SQUARE, BROADWAY PLAYS. 468 00:30:57,021 --> 00:30:58,256 SOMETHING HAPPENING ALL THE TIME. 469 00:30:58,256 --> 00:31:02,894 YOU HAD TO BE LOUD IN NEW YORK. YOU HAD TO DO OUTRAGEOUS STUFF 470 00:31:02,894 --> 00:31:05,997 TO GET ATTENTION. THEN ONCE YOU GOT THE ATTENTION, 471 00:31:05,997 --> 00:31:07,732 THEN YOU COULD FOCUS ON THE ISSUE. 472 00:31:07,732 --> 00:31:12,737 YOU HAD TO KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT IN A WAY THAT YOU COULD LEAD 473 00:31:12,737 --> 00:31:16,140 THE CHANGE SO YEAH, CALL IT "LOUDMOUTH" SO PEOPLE CAN 474 00:31:16,140 --> 00:31:19,711 UNDERSTAND WHY I WAS ALLOWED. PEOPLE WOULD TALK ABOUT, I 475 00:31:19,711 --> 00:31:21,346 REMEMBER HIM IN TRACK SUITS AND LOUD. 476 00:31:21,346 --> 00:31:25,216 THAT'S HOW WE WERE ABLE TO GET A LOT OF THE ISSUES DOWN AND I 477 00:31:25,216 --> 00:31:26,618 WORE TRACKSUIT BECAUSE A LOT OF TIMES WE WOULD MARCH. 478 00:31:26,618 --> 00:31:28,786 WE WOULD END UP GETTING ARRESTED. 479 00:31:28,786 --> 00:31:35,059 I WASN'T GOING TO WEAR MY GOOD SUIT TO JAIL. 480 00:31:35,059 --> 00:31:36,861 [APPLAUSE] Stephen: THE DOCUMENTARY 481 00:31:36,861 --> 00:31:42,133 "LOUDMOUTH" PREMIERES ON BET AND VH1 ON THE 25TH. 482 00:31:42,133 --> 00:31:45,303 REVEREND AL SHARPTON, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ACTRESS 483 00:31:45,303 --> 00:31:48,373 JESSICA WILLIAMS. STICK AROUND. 484 00:31:53,344 --> 00:32:02,220 ♪ ♪ 485 00:32:02,220 --> 00:32:06,424 Stephen: LITTLE LIGHTS ON. WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 486 00:32:06,424 --> 00:32:09,360 YOU KNOW MY NEXT GUEST FROM "2 DOPE QUEENS," 487 00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:10,428 THE "FANTASTIC BEASTS" SERIES, AND "LOVE LIFE." 488 00:32:10,428 --> 00:32:15,800 SHE NOW STARS IN THE APPLE TV+ SERIES, "SHRINKING." 489 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:17,201 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," 490 00:32:17,201 --> 00:32:37,288 JESSICA WILLIAMS. ♪ ♪ 491 00:32:37,288 --> 00:32:41,459 SO LOVELY TO SEE YOU. OH, MY GOD, YOU LOOK FANTASTIC. 492 00:32:41,459 --> 00:32:45,096 Jessica: THANK YOU SO MUCH. I LOVE COMING OUT TO A LITTLE 493 00:32:45,096 --> 00:32:47,765 SUGAR RAY. Stephen: I FEEL 494 00:32:47,765 --> 00:32:49,767 UNDERDRESSED. YOU LOOK SO LOVELY. 495 00:32:49,767 --> 00:32:52,036 Jessica: I APPRECIATE THAT. THANK YOU SO MUCH. 496 00:32:52,036 --> 00:32:54,639 IT DID TAKE A LOT OF TIME TO GET IN THE DRESS. 497 00:32:54,639 --> 00:32:57,208 Stephen: YOU HAD TO BE LOWERED INTO A QUESTION MARK 498 00:32:57,208 --> 00:33:01,179 Jessica: I HAD TO MAKE SURE I WAS MOISTURIZED SO MY MOM 499 00:33:01,179 --> 00:33:06,250 DIDN'T GET MAD AT ME FROM HOME. Stephen: SO YOU ARE DEWY A 500 00:33:06,250 --> 00:33:07,719 AF. Jessica: YES. 501 00:33:07,719 --> 00:33:11,656 NICE TO SEE YOU, FELLOW CORRESPONDENT. 502 00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:15,259 Stephen: DO YOU MISS THAT? Jessica: IT'S HARD. 503 00:33:15,259 --> 00:33:24,902 ESPECIALLY WHEN I WAS THERE WE WERE WATCHING THE NEWS 24/7. 504 00:33:24,902 --> 00:33:27,004 I STARTED THAT SHOW AND I WAS 22. 505 00:33:27,004 --> 00:33:29,540 IT WAS FELT LIKE I WAS IN GRAD SCHOOL. 506 00:33:29,540 --> 00:33:31,776 Stephen: THAT'S WHAT I DIDN'T REALIZE WHEN I FIRST MET 507 00:33:31,776 --> 00:33:35,213 YOU OVER THERE. SUCH A SELF-POSSESSED AND MATURE 508 00:33:35,213 --> 00:33:36,981 PERFORMER, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU ARE THAT YOUNG. 509 00:33:36,981 --> 00:33:40,151 Jessica: YEAH. I DON'T THINK THE DAILY SHOW 510 00:33:40,151 --> 00:33:43,988 REALLY KNEW I WAS THAT YOUNG. Stephen: YOUNGEST PERFORMER 511 00:33:43,988 --> 00:33:48,393 EVER HIRED OVER THERE. Jessica: YEAH. 512 00:33:48,393 --> 00:33:52,063 Stephen: OKAY. BUT THAT IS THE PAST. 513 00:33:52,063 --> 00:33:57,769 YOU ARE NOW PLAYING GABBY, A THERAPIST ON THE APPLE TV+ SHOW 514 00:33:57,769 --> 00:34:00,271 "SHRINKING," FANTASTIC CAST. GREAT CREATORS AND GREAT CASPER 515 00:34:00,271 --> 00:34:03,875 JASON SEGEL, HARRISON FORD. THAT SOUNDS LIKE IT WOULD BE A 516 00:34:03,875 --> 00:34:06,377 FUN GROUP OF PEOPLE TO HANG WITH. 517 00:34:06,377 --> 00:34:08,479 IS IT? Jessica: IT WAS A BLAST. 518 00:34:08,479 --> 00:34:12,650 I SIGNED ON BECAUSE THE SHOW WAS CREATED BY BILL LAWRENCE AND I 519 00:34:12,650 --> 00:34:17,121 WAS A BIG FAN OF "SCRUBS." IT WAS SORT OF A NO-BRAINER AND 520 00:34:17,121 --> 00:34:22,393 I WAS A FAN OF JASON'S IN THE DAY AFTER I SAID IT WAS-- I 521 00:34:22,393 --> 00:34:26,497 SAID I WAS DOING IT, HARRISON FORD. 522 00:34:26,497 --> 00:34:30,134 Stephen: YOU MADE THE DIFFERENCE. 523 00:34:30,134 --> 00:34:34,539 I AM IN. Jessica: JESSICA WILLIAMS. 524 00:34:34,539 --> 00:34:38,810 I AM IN. Stephen: THAT WAS A SPOOKY 525 00:34:38,810 --> 00:34:40,812 HARRISON FORD. Jessica: I HAVEN'T DONE IT 526 00:34:40,812 --> 00:34:45,116 IN A WHILE. Stephen: THERE IS A FAIR 527 00:34:45,116 --> 00:34:51,355 AMOUNT OF IMPROVISATION. DID YOU HAVE FUN IMPROVISING 528 00:34:51,355 --> 00:34:53,357 WITH HARRISON FORD AND JASON SEGEL? 529 00:34:53,357 --> 00:34:56,861 Jessica: I HAD A BLAST. I PLAY GABBY, ONE OF THE THREE 530 00:34:56,861 --> 00:35:02,834 PEOPLE AT THIS PRIVATE PRACTICE. SHE DEFINITELY BALANCES OUT THE 531 00:35:02,834 --> 00:35:04,836 TWO GENTLEMEN. GABBY IS SORT OF THE BRIGHT 532 00:35:04,836 --> 00:35:07,972 LIGHT THAT ADDS A LITTLE BIT MORE SPIRIT. 533 00:35:07,972 --> 00:35:11,008 TO BE ABLE TO IMPROVISE IN THOSE PARAMETERS, ESPECIALLY WITH 534 00:35:11,008 --> 00:35:15,179 THOSE TWO, I FELT VERY FREE. AND THEN FOR ME, I JUST TOOK ME 535 00:35:15,179 --> 00:35:19,016 A WHILE TO GET USED TO HARRISON FORD'S FACE IN GENERAL. 536 00:35:19,016 --> 00:35:21,486 Stephen: BECAUSE HE IS HARRISON FORD. 537 00:35:21,486 --> 00:35:24,021 Jessica: TOTALLY. I REALIZED I HAVE KNOWN ABOUT 538 00:35:24,021 --> 00:35:28,392 HIM SINCE I WAS BORN BASICALLY. YOUR NAME IS JESSICA. 539 00:35:28,392 --> 00:35:30,828 YOU KNOW WHO HARRISON FORD IS? [LAUGHS] 540 00:35:30,828 --> 00:35:33,197 Stephen: YOU ARE AN AMERICAN. 541 00:35:33,197 --> 00:35:34,332 OF COURSE YOU KNOW WHO HARRISON FORD'S. 542 00:35:34,332 --> 00:35:38,002 Jessica: IT DID TAKE ME A MINUTE TO BE LIKE "OH, WHILE 543 00:35:38,002 --> 00:35:39,136 BACK. THAT'S HIM. 544 00:35:39,136 --> 00:35:45,409 THAT'S HARRISON FORD." Jessica: THIS IS YOU AND A 545 00:35:45,409 --> 00:35:49,080 CAR, ANYTHING I NEED TO KNOW BEFORE WE DROPPED THE NEEDLE? 546 00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:51,148 Jessica: THEY ASKED ME WHAT SONGS I WOULD LIKE TO SING WITH 547 00:35:51,148 --> 00:35:55,353 HARRISON FORD AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. 548 00:35:55,353 --> 00:35:59,023 YEAH, I'M EXCITED TO SEE YOU. COME BY THE OFFICE AND THEN 549 00:35:59,023 --> 00:36:04,896 WE'LL GO OVER TO THE APARTMENT. ALL RIGHT, SEE YOU THEN. 550 00:36:04,896 --> 00:36:07,331 BYE, SWEETHEART. WHO IS YOUR SWEETHEART? 551 00:36:07,331 --> 00:36:14,572 IS SHE A SEXY BITCH? IT'S MY DAUGHTER. 552 00:36:14,572 --> 00:36:16,474 SINCE M DIVORCE I'VE BEEN TRYING TO THINK OF SOME NEW 553 00:36:16,474 --> 00:36:18,042 THINGS. TRYING SOME NEW THINGS. 554 00:36:18,042 --> 00:36:26,050 IS SHE SINGLE. CAN WE PLAY THAT SONG I LIKE? 555 00:36:26,050 --> 00:36:31,322 ♪ EVERY MORNING THERE'S A HALO HANGING OVER THE CORNER OF MY 556 00:36:31,322 --> 00:36:47,004 GIRLFRIENDS 4-POST BED ♪ ♪ 557 00:36:47,004 --> 00:36:51,909 Stephen: YOU GOT TO CHOOSE 558 00:36:51,909 --> 00:36:52,944 THAT SONG? Jessica: I SURE DID. 559 00:36:52,944 --> 00:36:59,483 I GAVE THEM A LIST. I GAVE BILL LAWRENCE A LIST. 560 00:36:59,483 --> 00:37:03,087 NEIL, THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER. "ONE-WEEK" BY THE BARE NAKED 561 00:37:03,087 --> 00:37:07,291 LADIES. "OCEAN AVENUE" BY YELLOW CARD 562 00:37:07,291 --> 00:37:12,229 AND "DRIVE ME CRAZY" BY BRITNEY SPEARS AND THEN I THINK 563 00:37:12,229 --> 00:37:13,631 "BUTTERFLY" BUT I THINK CRAZY TOWN? 564 00:37:13,631 --> 00:37:18,936 I HAD A FEW. Stephen: WHO PICKED THIS? 565 00:37:18,936 --> 00:37:21,672 Jessica: THAT WAS THE ONE HE AGREED TO DO, HARRISON. 566 00:37:21,672 --> 00:37:24,275 Stephen: DID HE KNOW IT? Jessica: NO. 567 00:37:24,275 --> 00:37:28,212 I THINK HE LIKED IT ENOUGH AND I THINK ANYBODY WAS SURPRISED THAT 568 00:37:28,212 --> 00:37:31,582 HE KNEW EVERY WORD WHEN HE SHOWED UP TO SET. 569 00:37:31,582 --> 00:37:36,487 HE'S A REALLY HARD WORKER. HE IS HARRISON FORD. 570 00:37:36,487 --> 00:37:37,655 Stephen: YOU PLAY A THERAPIST. 571 00:37:37,655 --> 00:37:41,125 ARE YOU A FAN OF THERAPY? Jessica: YEAH, I LOVE 572 00:37:41,125 --> 00:37:43,160 THERAPY. I'VE HAD THE SAME THERAPIST FOR 573 00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:45,997 MAYBE EIGHT, NINE YEARS, HERE IN NEW YORK. 574 00:37:45,997 --> 00:37:50,001 I MOVED OUT HERE TO DO "THE DAILY SHOW" IN MY PATTER EVER 575 00:37:50,001 --> 00:37:51,769 SINCE AND MY BRAIN IS ALWAYS GOING AND I TRY TO TREAT IT LIKE 576 00:37:51,769 --> 00:37:54,105 A CAR. I WANT TO DO THE MAINTENANCE A 577 00:37:54,105 --> 00:37:57,475 WHILE AGO AS OPPOSED IF THE CAR BREAKS DOWN WHEN I TRY TO FIX 578 00:37:57,475 --> 00:38:01,746 IT. IT'S A LOT MORE EXPENSIVE. 579 00:38:01,746 --> 00:38:05,449 I TRY. [APPLAUSE] 580 00:38:05,449 --> 00:38:08,653 THANK YOU THAT WAS WHEN THE REASONS WHY WANTED TO DO 581 00:38:08,653 --> 00:38:12,823 "SHRINKING" BECAUSE I WANTED, WITH GABBY, I WANTED HER TO BE 582 00:38:12,823 --> 00:38:15,993 THE KIND OF THERAPIST PEOPLE WANTED TO SEEK OUT AND FIND. 583 00:38:15,993 --> 00:38:18,496 I THINK SHE'S REALLY COLORFUL, VERY EXPRESSIVE. 584 00:38:18,496 --> 00:38:20,831 Stephen: BASED AT ALL ON YOUR THERAPIST? 585 00:38:20,831 --> 00:38:24,301 Jessica: NO, NOT AT ALL. I DON'T KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT MY 586 00:38:24,301 --> 00:38:25,436 THERAPIST. I WISH I DID. 587 00:38:25,436 --> 00:38:28,205 I'M ALWAYS TRYING TO DEDUCE WHAT HER LIFE IS SECRETLY. 588 00:38:28,205 --> 00:38:30,241 SOMETIMES SHE WILL LET IT SLIP EVERY NOW AND THEN. 589 00:38:30,241 --> 00:38:34,512 SHE WILL BE LIKE YEAH, I USED TO BE IN A GIRL BAND WAY BACK WHEN. 590 00:38:34,512 --> 00:38:36,681 WHAT? YOU USED TO BE A DRUMMER? 591 00:38:36,681 --> 00:38:44,155 ONE TIME HERE A FEW YEARS AGO I RAN INTO HER AT AN OLIVE OIL 592 00:38:44,155 --> 00:38:48,826 SHOP AND I COMPLETELY DISASSOCIATED FROM MY BODY. 593 00:38:48,826 --> 00:38:51,896 SHE FREAED OUT TOO. IT WAS A NIGHTMARE. 594 00:38:51,896 --> 00:38:54,632 Stephen: THAT IS WORSE THAN SENIOR TEACHER AT THE 595 00:38:54,632 --> 00:38:55,833 GROCERY STORE. Jessica: 100%. 596 00:38:55,833 --> 00:38:59,336 SHE KNOWS MY PROMISE, MY FEARS, MY TRIUMPHS. 597 00:38:59,336 --> 00:39:04,642 EVERYTHING THAT WE ARE BOTH THERE WITH A LITTLE BIT OF 598 00:39:04,642 --> 00:39:07,211 OLIVE OIL. Stephen: DO YOU THINK THAT 599 00:39:07,211 --> 00:39:10,381 YOU WOULD BE A GOOD THERAPIST? Jessica: I THINK I WOULD BE 600 00:39:10,381 --> 00:39:13,350 A GREAT THERAPIST. Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK 601 00:39:13,350 --> 00:39:15,920 THAT SAYS ABOUT YOU? Jessica: THAT I AM 602 00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:20,024 POWER-HUNGRY LITTLE BIT. Stephen: A GOOD ERA FOR 603 00:39:20,024 --> 00:39:21,292 STRAIGHT? POWER-HUNGRY? 604 00:39:21,292 --> 00:39:30,267 Jessica: I LOVE TO METTLE. I LIKE MICROMANAGING AND GETTING 605 00:39:30,267 --> 00:39:36,073 PEOPLE TO KISS AND WHOO-HOO TOGETHER IN MY GAME. 606 00:39:36,073 --> 00:39:39,176 Stephen: I WOULD TELL MY PATIENTS ABOUT THAT. 607 00:39:39,176 --> 00:39:41,345 I WANT TO MICROMANAGE YOU. Jessica: I LIKE BEING IN 608 00:39:41,345 --> 00:39:46,851 EVERY BODY'S BUSINESS. Stephen: JESSICA, LOVELY TO 609 00:39:46,851 --> 00:39:50,054 SEE YOU. Jessica: THANK YOU. 610 00:39:50,054 --> 00:39:52,790 Stephen: "SHRINKING" IS CURRENTLY STREAMING ON 611 00:39:52,790 --> 00:39:54,358 APPLE TV+. IT'S JESSICA WILLIAMS, 612 00:39:54,358 --> 00:39:58,028 EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 613 00:40:17,414 --> 00:40:18,582 Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY. 614 00:40:18,582 --> 00:40:19,717 TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE BERNIE SANDERS, 615 00:40:19,717 --> 00:40:23,320 PINK, AND NAS. NOW STICK AROUND FOR JAMES. 616 00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:26,390 GOOD NIGHT. ♪ ♪