1 00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:03,737 ACCORDING TO A NEW SURVEY BY THE AMERICAN ENTERPRISE 2 00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:07,107 INSTITUTE, MORE AMERICANS ARE CHOOSING TO STAY SINGLE. 3 00:00:07,107 --> 00:00:09,576 THE SURVEY REPORTED THAT "MORE PEOPLE SAID THAT THEY LIKE BEING 4 00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:12,879 SINGLE, CAN'T FIND SOMEONE WHO MEETS THEIR EXPECTATIONS, 5 00:00:12,879 --> 00:00:17,217 OR JUST HAVE MORE IMPORTANT PRIORITIES" RIGHT NOW. 6 00:00:17,217 --> 00:00:19,819 THIS VALENTINE'S DAY, MORE PEOPLE ARE CHOOSING 7 00:00:19,819 --> 00:00:22,756 TO BE SINGLE. THAT'S WHY WE'RE PROUD TO 8 00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:26,493 INTRODUCE "I'LL ALWAYS HAVE ME," A ROMANTIC SONG COMPILATION 9 00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:30,463 CELEBRATING BEING ALONE ON VALENTINE'S DAY, 10 00:00:30,463 --> 00:00:33,099 PERFORMED BY THE NOT HAVING SEX-TET. 11 00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:34,701 [SINGING TO THE TUNE OF "THE POWER OF LOVE"] 12 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:54,053 ♪ ♪ 13 00:00:54,053 --> 00:00:57,657 THESE SONGS ARE THE PERFECT WAY TO LET YOUR SPECIAL SOMEONE 14 00:00:57,657 --> 00:00:59,893 KNOW THAT THE SPECIAL SOMEONE IS SOME...YOU. 15 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:03,363 [SINGING TO THE TUNE OF "THAT'S AMORE"] 16 00:01:03,363 --> 00:01:11,771 SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? 17 00:01:11,771 --> 00:01:15,074 PICK UP "I'LL ALWAYS HAVE ME," BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY THING YOU 18 00:01:15,074 --> 00:01:19,245 WANT TO PICK UP TONIGHT. Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE 19 00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:25,552 SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." TONIGHT... 20 00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:29,322 LOVE FROM NEW YORK. FIRST, STEPHEN WELCOMES... 21 00:01:29,322 --> 00:01:35,962 PATRICK STEWART. AND KE HUY QUAN. 22 00:01:35,962 --> 00:01:37,864 WITH A SPECIAL APPEARANCE WITH A SPECIAL APPEARANCE 23 00:01:37,864 --> 00:01:42,335 BY BOYZ II MEN. FEATURING LOUIS CATO 24 00:01:42,335 --> 00:01:48,208 AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND. AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE 25 00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:51,044 FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, 26 00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:58,384 IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT. 27 00:01:58,384 --> 00:02:07,894 Stephen: HEY! ♪ ♪ 28 00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:09,295 BEAUTIFUL. GOOD TO SEE YOU. 29 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:14,334 NICE TO SEE YOU. 30 00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:16,536 HAPPY TUESDAY. HAPPY TUESDAY. 31 00:02:16,536 --> 00:02:19,806 HAPPY, HAPPY. GOOD TO SEE YOU. 32 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:24,177 HEY, EVERYBODY! PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY. 33 00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:27,046 WELCOME, ONE AT ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW." 34 00:02:27,046 --> 00:02:30,416 I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. I WANT TO START OFF WITH 35 00:02:30,416 --> 00:02:34,354 EVERYBODY OVER THERE, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. 36 00:02:34,354 --> 00:02:44,330 OR AS FLOWERS CALL IT, "THE PURGE." 37 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:47,634 FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO GOT SWEETS FROM YOUR SWEETHEART, 38 00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:50,270 GOOD NEWS. THE LATEST RESEARCH SAYS THAT 39 00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:52,739 CONSUMING COCOA DOES PROVIDE HEALTH ENEFITS, THANKS TO 40 00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:56,976 SOMETHING CALLED FLAVANOLS, BUT MOST CHOCOLATE BARS 41 00:02:56,976 --> 00:02:59,913 DON'T CONTAIN ENOUGH OF IT. THAT'S TRUE. 42 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:02,882 SOME OF THE MOST CHOCOLATE BARS DON'T HAVE ENOUGH. 43 00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:04,217 TE MAIN INGREDIENTS IN A SNICKERS BAR ARE 44 00:03:04,217 --> 00:03:09,155 PEANUTS, CARAMEL, AND VEIN! IT'S A LITTLE UPSETTING. 45 00:03:09,155 --> 00:03:14,994 IT'S A LITTLE DISTURBING. SOME UNLIKELY CANDIDATES 46 00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:17,497 ARE TRYING TO JOIN CHOCOLATE AS POTENTIAL VALENTINES GIFTS. 47 00:03:17,497 --> 00:03:20,233 THE AGRICULTURAL GROUP LEGUMES FROM EUROPE 48 00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:24,404 IS "ENCOURAGING ROMANTICS EVERYWHERE TO SURPRISE 49 00:03:24,404 --> 00:03:26,039 YOUR SPECIAL SOMEONE, AND AMAZE THEM WITH A RECIPE 50 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:33,246 USING CANNED LEGUMES." OF COURSE, IT'S NATURAL. 51 00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:35,181 LIKE MY FAVORITE VALENTINE POEM, 52 00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:37,116 "LENTILS ARE RED, CHICKPEAS ARE BEIGE, 53 00:03:37,116 --> 00:03:48,027 I BOUGHT YOU BEANS, AND YOU ASKED FOR A DIVORCE." 54 00:03:48,027 --> 00:03:57,670 I LIKE LEGUMES FROM EUROPE, THAT'S A HELL OF A NAME. 55 00:03:57,670 --> 00:04:04,077 VALENTINE'S DAY SPENDING FOR GIFTS IS UP THIS YEAR. 56 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,011 ACCORDING TO THE NATIONAL RETAIL FEDERATION, 57 00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:09,716 THE AVERAGE PERSON WILL SPEND $192.80. 58 00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:12,685 AND IF YOU'RE AN AVERAGE PERSON WHO WANTS AN AVERAGE VALENTINE'S 59 00:04:12,685 --> 00:04:15,321 DAY BY SPENDING THE AVERAGE AMOUNT OF MONEY, WE DID A LITTLE 60 00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:17,490 RESEARCH, AND THIS IS TRUE, HERE'S SOMETHING YOU CAN BUY FOR 61 00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:23,296 YOUR SPECIAL SOMEONE FOR EXACTLY $192.80. 62 00:04:23,296 --> 00:04:26,332 IT'S FROM THE GOOD PEOPLE AT Pulls-Direct.com. 63 00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:29,002 THE EMTEK DURANGO SANDCAST BRONZE PASSAGE DOOR LEVERSET 64 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:35,041 WITH THE CF MECHANISM! OKAY. 65 00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:37,176 REMEMBER, EVERYBODY. MONEY CAN'T BUY YOU LOVE, 66 00:04:37,176 --> 00:04:47,220 BUT IT CAN BUY YOU "KNOB." I BETTER GET SOME FREE DOOR 67 00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:51,891 HANDLES IS ALL I KNOW. THERE'S BIG NEWS ABOUT FORMER 68 00:04:51,891 --> 00:04:53,359 U.N AMBASSADOR AND WOMAN ENJOYING INTESTINAL REGULARITY 69 00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:56,229 SINCE SHE STARTED EATING DELICIOUS ACTIVIA, 70 00:04:56,229 --> 00:05:02,168 NIKKI HALEY. BECAUSE THIS MORNING, HALEY 71 00:05:02,168 --> 00:05:08,574 ANNOUNCED THAT SHE IS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT! 72 00:05:08,574 --> 00:05:10,243 AS SHE SAID IN HER CAMPAIGN ANNOUNCEMENT TWEET "GET 73 00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:17,250 EXCITED." A GRATEFUL PASS. 74 00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:18,618 OF COURSE, ANY CAMPAIGN VETERAN WILL TELL YOU THERE'S NO BETTER 75 00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:21,087 TIME TO DROP THE BIGGEST POLITICAL NEWS OF YOUR LIFE 76 00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:27,360 THAN ON VALENTINES DAY, AT 6:48 A.M., 77 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,662 YEAH, A DAY WHEN EVERYONE'S THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE 78 00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:31,264 AT A TIME WHEN NO ONE IS AWAKE. THE ONLY WAY THIS COULD MAKE 79 00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:32,598 A SMALLER SPLASH IS IF HALEY WHISPERED IT INTO A BOWL 80 00:05:32,598 --> 00:05:39,772 OF SOUP. PSST, HEY. 81 00:05:39,772 --> 00:05:48,114 HEY, MUSHROOM BARLEY. YOU WANNA HEAR A SECRET? 82 00:05:48,114 --> 00:06:01,394 I'M NEVER GONNA BE PRESIDENT. DON'T TELL ANYBODY. 83 00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:05,198 HALEY'S FIRST CAMPAIGN VIDEO STARTS LIKE THIS. 84 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:09,669 THE RAILROAD TRACKS DIVIDED THE TOWN BY RACE. 85 00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:13,306 I WAS THE PROUD DAUGHTER OF INDIAN IMMIGRANTS, 86 00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:17,510 NOT BLACK, NOT WHITE. I WAS DIFFERENT. 87 00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:20,113 Stephen: "I WAS DIFFERENT FOR MANY REASONS. 88 00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:23,816 FOR INSTANCE, IN MY FAMILY, WE KEPT THE FAMILY PHOTOGRAPHS 89 00:06:23,816 --> 00:06:29,055 ON THE SIDEWALK. IT MADE THEM VERY HARD TO DUST. 90 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:33,493 SHE WENT ON TO TOSS OUT SOME CLASSIC CULTURE WAR RED MEAT. 91 00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:36,763 SOME LOOK AT OUR PAST AS EVIDENCE THAT AMERICA'S 92 00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:39,799 FOUNDING PRINCIPLES ARE BAD. SOME THINK OUR IDEAS ARE NOT 93 00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:42,835 JUST WRONG, BUT RACIST. Stephen: YEAH, SHE KNOWS 94 00:06:42,835 --> 00:06:46,706 AMERICA'S NOT RACIST! SHE LEARNED THAT AS A LITTLE 95 00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:50,009 GIRL, IN HER HOMETOWN, THAT WAS SPLIT BY A RAILROAD TRACK RIGHT 96 00:06:50,009 --> 00:06:54,180 DOWN THE MIDDLE, TO KEEP THE WHITE PEOPLE ON ONE SIDE AND THE 97 00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:56,282 BLACK PEOPLE ON THE OTHER. YOU KNOW! 98 00:06:56,282 --> 00:07:08,728 NOT RACIST. SHE FINISHED HER VIDEO 99 00:07:08,728 --> 00:07:11,664 WITH A WARNING TO HER OPPONENTS. YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS 100 00:07:11,664 --> 00:07:12,632 ABOUT ME. I DON'T PUT UP WITH 101 00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:16,569 BULLIES. Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT. 102 00:07:16,569 --> 00:07:18,137 SHE DOESN'T PUT UP WITH BULLIES LIKE THE EX-PRESIDENT. 103 00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:21,440 SHE JUST, AND THIS IS TRUE, CALLS BULLIES TO GET THEIR 104 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,609 OPINION ON WHETHERE SHE CAN RUN FOR PRESIDENT. 105 00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:27,246 BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS STRENGTH LIKE PICKING YOUR BULLY'S BRAIN 106 00:07:27,246 --> 00:07:28,114 BEFORE DOING ANYTHING. "HELLO, TREVOR? 107 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,216 I'M JUST GETTING DRESSED FOR SCHOOL. 108 00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:31,317 WHAT WOULD BE EASIER FOR YOU TO YANK UP MY BUTTCRACK, 109 00:07:31,317 --> 00:07:39,525 BOXERS OR BRIEFS?" OR I COULD-- 110 00:07:39,525 --> 00:07:44,063 I COULD GO COMMANDO. BUT THE FORMER PRESIDENT 111 00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:45,832 ISN'T THE ONLY ONE HALEY CALLED FOR ADVICE. 112 00:07:45,832 --> 00:07:49,602 YOU SEE, NIKKI AND I ARE BOTH FROM SOUTH CAROLINA-- 113 00:07:49,602 --> 00:07:50,837 SHE USED TO BE THE GOVERNOR-- AND WE GO WAY BACK. 114 00:07:50,837 --> 00:07:56,075 IN FACT, AND I KNOW THIS IS GONNA MAKE SOME NEWS, 115 00:07:56,075 --> 00:07:57,376 WE ARE BEST FRIENDS. AND A COUPLE WEEKS BACK, 116 00:07:57,376 --> 00:07:58,878 NIKKI CALLED ME UP AND SAID: "HI, PERSON I ADMIRE MOST 117 00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:01,614 IN THE WORLD, STEPHEN COLBERT, IS IT OKAY WITH YOU IF I RUN 118 00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:04,283 FOR PRESIDENT?" WELL, I ALMOST SPIT OUT 119 00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:09,488 MY PAPER STRAW. AND I SAID, "YOU'RE PERFECT FOR 120 00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:10,823 IT. I DON'T KNOW ANYONE MORE 121 00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:13,326 WOKE THAN YOU." AND SHE SAID "OKAY, BUT FIRST, 122 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,862 I HAVE TO COOK MY FAVORITE MEAL ON MY ELECTRIC STOVE: 123 00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:20,099 IMPOSSIBLE BURGERS AND LESBIAN M&Ms." 124 00:08:20,099 --> 00:08:28,140 BEST OF LUCK TO YOU, NIKKI! I'M HAPPY JUST TO HELP. 125 00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:34,347 SHE'S GONNA GO ALL THE WAY. SHE'S GOING ALL THE WAY. 126 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,482 NIKKI HALEY IS NOT THE ONLY CANDIDATE THAT FORMER 127 00:08:36,482 --> 00:08:38,017 PRESIDENT BULLY IS WORRIED ABOUT. 128 00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:42,288 HE IS ALSO PLANNING FOR FLORIDA GOVERNOR RON DeSANTIS SEEN 129 00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:43,689 HERE, ZIPPING HIS CHEST HAIR 130 00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:48,294 INTO HIS FLEECE. SURE. 131 00:08:48,294 --> 00:08:58,437 GAH! THE GOVERNOR IN FLORIDA HAS HIGH 132 00:08:58,437 --> 00:09:00,473 POLL NUMBERS, WHICH SPOOKS THE FORMER PRESIDENT, WHO APPARENTLY 133 00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:03,709 NOW PRIVATELY REFERS TO DESANTIS AS "MEATBALL RON." 134 00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:08,180 OOH! I DO NOT LIKE 135 00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:15,321 HOW MUCH I LOVE THAT! IT'S SO DUMB AND ACCURATE. 136 00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:18,257 YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS REALLY GREAT AND BAD ABOUT IT? 137 00:09:18,257 --> 00:09:21,294 HOW EASY IT IS TO SING IT TO THE TUNE OF "UPTOWN GIRL." 138 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:24,530 LET'S GO! ♪ MEATBALL RON! 139 00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:28,467 ♪ HE'S A WALKING, TALKING BEEF BATON ♪ 140 00:09:28,467 --> 00:09:32,204 ♪ AND HE TELLS YOU THAT YOU CAN'T SAY GAY ♪ 141 00:09:32,204 --> 00:09:36,943 ♪ AND THAT COVID WILL JUST GO AWAY ♪ 142 00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:57,263 IT'S CATCHY. 143 00:09:57,263 --> 00:10:00,833 NOW, AS EAGLE-EYED REPORTERS HAVE MANAGED TO DISCERN, 144 00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:05,171 THE NICKNAME IS AN APPARENT DIG AT DESANTIS' APPEARANCE. 145 00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:07,306 REALLY? LET'S SEE FOR OURSELVES. 146 00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:10,343 JIM! JIM! 147 00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:11,911 NO! NOT TWO PICTURES 148 00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:17,850 OF RON DESANTIS! WHAT? 149 00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:25,124 OH, ONE OF THOSE WAS A MEATBALL. STILL, I'M NOT SURE 150 00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:26,525 THE EX-PRESIDENT IS THE ONE TO BE TOSSING AROUND MEAT 151 00:10:26,525 --> 00:10:31,497 INSULTS, CONSIDERING HE'S A REAL VEAL PARME-DON. 152 00:10:31,497 --> 00:10:44,710 THANK YOU. APPARENTLY, THE EX-PRESIDENT 153 00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:47,179 IS ALSO TESTING OUT A NICKNAME BASED ON DESANTIS'S RESPONSE 154 00:10:47,179 --> 00:10:50,883 TO COVID. "SHUTDOWN RON." 155 00:10:50,883 --> 00:10:54,120 NO, YOU DUMMY! QUIT WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD. 156 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,188 YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO DO BETTER THAN THE CRYSTALIZED GENIUS 157 00:10:56,188 --> 00:11:02,061 THAT IS "MEATBALL RON." YOU DIDN'T SEE ORSON WELLES 158 00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:04,530 TRY TO TOP "CITIZEN KANE" WITH "CITIZEN KANE 2: KANE-SANE 159 00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:18,711 IN THE MEM-KANE." EVEN STUPIDER MORE, 160 00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:24,216 I MIGHT HAVE MISREAD THAT JUST NOW. 161 00:11:24,216 --> 00:11:30,089 WE'LL NEVER KNOW. MAYBE THAT'S WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED 162 00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:36,595 TO SAY. EVEN STUPIDER MORE, 163 00:11:36,595 --> 00:11:38,197 HE'S NOW DENYING THAT HE CAME UP 164 00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:40,166 WITH "MEATBALL RON," POSTING ON TRUTH SOCIAL THAT "ALL OF THE 165 00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:43,536 FAKE NEWS IS REPORTING THAT I SPEND LARGE AMOUNTS OF MY TIME 166 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:48,007 COMING UP WITH A GOOD "NICKNAME" FOR RON DESANCTIMONIOUS. 167 00:11:48,007 --> 00:11:53,512 THEY ARE ALL 100% WRONG." OKAY, THAT ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE. 168 00:11:53,512 --> 00:11:55,114 THE EX-PRESIDENT WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING 169 00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:57,917 AS CATCHY AND MEMORABLE AS... ♪ MEATBALL RON! ♪ 170 00:11:57,917 --> 00:12:01,954 ♪ MARINARA ♪ IS HIS BIG TURN-ON 171 00:12:01,954 --> 00:12:14,934 ♪ VERY, VERY SCARED OF C.R.T. 172 00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:19,238 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 173 00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:21,507 MY GUESTS ARE SIR PATRICK STEWART 174 00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:23,142 AND THE STAR OF "EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE," 175 00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:27,546 KE HUY QUAN. WHEN WE COME BACK, 176 00:12:27,546 --> 00:12:30,282 A SPECIAL VALENTINE'S DAY MESSAGE WITH HELP FROM 177 00:12:30,282 --> 00:12:35,988 BOYZ II MEN. STICK AROUND. 178 00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:45,231 Announcer: "THE LATE SHOW 179 00:12:45,231 --> 00:12:50,269 WITH STEPHEN COLBERT," SPONSORED BY ASHLEY. 180 00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:52,071 AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE FURNITURE AND MATTRESS STORE. 181 00:12:57,676 --> 00:13:09,288 ♪ ♪ 182 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:13,425 Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND. 183 00:13:13,425 --> 00:13:16,929 LOUIS CATO AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND. 184 00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:24,370 LEWIS. LEWIS. 185 00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:27,072 STEPHEN. Stephen: I CAN'T HELP. 186 00:13:27,072 --> 00:13:30,442 I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE, I CAN'T HELP FEEL RIGHT INTO MY CHEST 187 00:13:30,442 --> 00:13:32,912 BONE A CERTAIN RICHNESS TO THE SOUND MIGHT. 188 00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:36,015 PLEASE TELL THE PEOPLE WHO WE ARE HONORED TO HAVE SITTING IN. 189 00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:52,164 A GENERATIONAL GIFT OF MESHELL NDEGEOCELLO. 190 00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:55,968 Stephen: IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY, ONE OF THE MOST 191 00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:59,705 ROMANTIC HOLIDAYS. THE CARDS, THE SEXINESS, 192 00:13:59,705 --> 00:14:01,207 THE CHUBBY NAKED BABIES SHOOTING ARROWS AT YOUR STERNUM. 193 00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:06,212 VALENTINE'S DAY IN A HEART BUT HERE'S THE THING: 194 00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:08,814 I'M A 58 YEAR-OLD MAN. MY DOCTOR SAID I SHOULD CUT BACK 195 00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:10,149 ON CHOCOLATE-COVERED STRAWBERRIES, AND I JUST CAN'T 196 00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:16,555 PULL OFF A CROTCHLESS TEDDY LIKE I USED TO. 197 00:14:16,555 --> 00:14:18,691 IT'S SAID BUT IT'S TRUE. I JUST CAN'T. 198 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:28,767 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. SO I THINK IT'S TIME VALENTINE'S 199 00:14:28,767 --> 00:14:31,303 DAY MADE ROOM FOR THOSE COUPLES AMONG US WHO ARE STILL 200 00:14:31,303 --> 00:14:36,375 DEEPLY IN LOVE BUT ALSO DEEPLY ASLEEP BY 9:00 P.M. 201 00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:40,412 RECENTLY I ASKED LEGENDARY R&B GROUP BOYZ II MEN TO HELP ME OUT 202 00:14:40,412 --> 00:14:46,218 BY UPDATING YEAH, STILL GOT IT, BABY. 203 00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:48,487 BY UPDATING ONE OF THEIR CLASSIC HITS, 204 00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:52,524 FOR ALL OF US MATURE ROMANTICS. JAMES? 205 00:14:52,524 --> 00:14:54,727 HEY, BABY. IT'S ANOTHER VALENTINE'S DAY. 206 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:59,298 YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. ♪ CLOSE THAT DOOR ♪ 207 00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:06,405 ♪ WASH THIS DISH ♪ ♪ I PUT ALL THE FORKS AWAY ♪ 208 00:15:06,405 --> 00:18:04,817 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 209 00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:06,885 Stephen: THANK YOU, BOYZ II MEN. 210 00:18:06,885 --> 00:18:09,621 YOU CAN CHECK OUT THEIR TOUR DATES AND THEIR "LOVE YOU 211 00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:15,294 FOREVER" DIGITAL COLLECTIBLES AT BoyzIIMen.com. 212 00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:18,363 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SIR PATRICK STEWART, Y'ALL 213 00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:34,146 ♪ ♪ 214 00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:38,450 Stephen: HELLO! WELCOME BACK. 215 00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:43,121 THANK YOU. WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," 216 00:18:43,121 --> 00:18:47,526 EVERYBODY. MY FIRST GUEST THIS EVENING 217 00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:49,061 HAS PLAYED A PROFESSOR, A STARSHIP CAPTAIN, 218 00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:53,198 AND OF COURSE, THE POOP EMOJI. HE NOW STARS IN THE THIRD 219 00:18:53,198 --> 00:18:54,466 AND FINAL SEASON OF "STAR TREK: PICARD." 220 00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,134 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," 221 00:18:56,134 --> 00:18:59,137 PATRICK STEWART. 222 00:18:59,137 --> 00:19:19,858 ♪ ♪ PLEASE. 223 00:19:19,858 --> 00:19:26,965 WON'T YOU PLEASE. HOW DELIGHTFUL. 224 00:19:26,965 --> 00:19:32,104 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF FRIENDS OUT 225 00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:34,873 THERE TONIGHT. Patrick: A LOT OF FRIENDS. 226 00:19:34,873 --> 00:19:37,976 HAPPY, WHAT IS IT? VALENTINE'S DAY. 227 00:19:37,976 --> 00:19:43,148 Stephen: IT'S AMAZING. YOU'RE 82 YEARS OLD AND YET... 228 00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:48,353 AND YET. I FEEL LIKE THE DECREPIT ONE 229 00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:51,123 BETWEEN THE TWO OF US. WHEN THEY MIGHT DO YOU, DOES THE 230 00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:54,293 QUEEN ANOINT YOU WITH SOME OIL THAT KEEPS YOU YOUNG? 231 00:19:54,293 --> 00:19:56,795 WHAT DO YOU DO TO STAY SO VITAL? Patrick: IT'S VERY 232 00:19:56,795 --> 00:19:59,965 INTERESTING YOU SHOULD SAY THAT BECAUSE I FELT THAT SOMETHING 233 00:19:59,965 --> 00:20:03,735 HAPPENED IN THAT MOMENT. YOU ARE KNEELING IN FRONT OF HER 234 00:20:03,735 --> 00:20:07,773 MAJESTY, MAY SHE REST IN PEACE. AND THE SWORD TOUCHES YOUR ONE 235 00:20:07,773 --> 00:20:12,110 SHOULDER AND THE OTHER SHOULDER, IT'S MAGICAL MOMENTS AND I FELT 236 00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:13,312 SOMETHING MUST BE COMMUNICATED TO ME. 237 00:20:13,312 --> 00:20:21,520 SHE IS HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN. MAYBE SHE'S GOT A LITTLE OIL. 238 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:26,325 THAT IMMEDIATELY TOOK 30 YEARS OFF MY AGE. 239 00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:31,363 DO YOU THINK IT'S POSSIBLE AND DO YOU THINK THAT KING CHARLES 240 00:20:31,363 --> 00:20:33,765 HAS THE SAME SKILL? Stephen: WE DON'T KNOW YET. 241 00:20:33,765 --> 00:20:39,671 WE DON'T KNOW YET. IF HE KNIGHTED ME, WE WOULD FIND 242 00:20:39,671 --> 00:20:44,543 OUT. Stephen: WOULD YOU LIKE ME 243 00:20:44,543 --> 00:20:51,450 TO-- Stephen: I'M NOT A HUGE FAN 244 00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:53,418 OF THE ROYALTY. Patrick: WHAT ARE YOU 245 00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:55,153 SAYING? Stephen: I THINK THEY ARE 246 00:20:55,153 --> 00:21:01,193 GANGSTERS IN NICE CLOTHES. I DON'T... 247 00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:07,666 Patrick: THE COLBERT SHOW HAS DONE ENOUGH FOR THE KINGDOM. 248 00:21:07,666 --> 00:21:10,369 Stephen: SPEAKING OF KINGS, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT 249 00:21:10,369 --> 00:21:15,173 KING OBERON. THIS IS A MAN WHO NEEDS A LITTLE 250 00:21:15,173 --> 00:21:19,277 ANOINTING RIGHT HERE. THIS IS YOU PLAYING OBERON IN 251 00:21:19,277 --> 00:21:21,546 MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM. I'M JUST CURIOUS WHETHER YOU CAN 252 00:21:21,546 --> 00:21:24,516 STILL PULL OFF THIS OUTFIT. LOOK AT THAT, LADIES AND 253 00:21:24,516 --> 00:21:30,055 GENTLEMEN. WAIT. 254 00:21:30,055 --> 00:21:33,659 AWWW, YEAH. WAS THIS YOUR IDEA OR THE 255 00:21:33,659 --> 00:21:36,428 COSTUME DESIGNER'S IDEA? Patrick: WE HAD NO COSTUME 256 00:21:36,428 --> 00:21:38,196 DESIGNER. THAT'S WHY I'M NAKED. 257 00:21:38,196 --> 00:21:45,470 YEAH. BY THE WAY, THIS WAS THE ROYAL 258 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:48,240 SHAKESPEARE COMPANY. YOU SEE THE ROYALS COME UP 259 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,676 AGAIN. THEY HAVE HAD THAT CHARM OVER MY 260 00:21:50,676 --> 00:21:52,811 LIFE. Stephen: EVEN IF YOU SHOW 261 00:21:52,811 --> 00:21:58,383 UP IN SOMETHING SUPER SEXY LIKE THIS, IT STILL SEEMS CLASSY 262 00:21:58,383 --> 00:22:00,752 BECAUSE IT'S THE ROYAL SHAKESPEARE COMPANY. 263 00:22:00,752 --> 00:22:02,354 Patrick: BECAUSE I AM SPEAKING BLANK VERSE. 264 00:22:02,354 --> 00:22:05,390 Stephen: COULD YOU STILL PULL THAT OFF TODAY? 265 00:22:05,390 --> 00:22:10,962 Patrick: YES. Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS. 266 00:22:10,962 --> 00:22:14,099 CONGRATULATIONS. HUGH JACKMAN, SPEAKING OF GUYS 267 00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:16,968 WHO LOOKED GOOD IN THE LOINCLOTH, HUGH JACKMAN WAS 268 00:22:16,968 --> 00:22:18,937 RECENTLY HERE. HE SAID YOU GAVE HIM A LITTLE 269 00:22:18,937 --> 00:22:22,541 LIFE ADVICE. ABOUT HOW TO START YOUR DAY. 270 00:22:22,541 --> 00:22:25,610 DO YOU REMEMBER THIS ADVICE YOU GAVE HIM? 271 00:22:25,610 --> 00:22:28,113 IT SOUNDED LIKE A VERY PEACEFUL WAY TO LIVE YOUR LIFE. 272 00:22:28,113 --> 00:22:30,916 Patrick: I DO. WE WERE TALKING ABOUT WAKING UP 273 00:22:30,916 --> 00:22:36,888 IN THE MORNING. SOMETIMES IT'S VERY, VERY EARLY. 274 00:22:36,888 --> 00:22:38,557 4:30, 4:00. Stephen: TO GET TO A SET 275 00:22:38,557 --> 00:22:39,758 PERIOD >> Patrick: WHEN YOU'RE WORKING. 276 00:22:39,758 --> 00:22:42,828 I SAID, I'VE BEEN DOING SOMETHING FOR YEARS AND YEARS 277 00:22:42,828 --> 00:22:46,932 WHICH HELPS ME. MAYBE IT WOULD HELP YOU. 278 00:22:46,932 --> 00:22:52,037 I READ IN THE MORNING. I MAKE MYSELF A CUP OF TEA AND I 279 00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:56,975 GET A BOOK. NOT A SCRIPT. 280 00:22:56,975 --> 00:22:59,878 NOT A COMPUTER. Stephen: A NOVEL OR 281 00:22:59,878 --> 00:23:02,280 SOMETHING. Patrick: YEAH, A NOVEL. 282 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:06,118 NOT A NEWSPAPER. OH, PLEASE, NOT A NEWSPAPER. 283 00:23:06,118 --> 00:23:11,957 BUT A BOOK. YOU LOSE YOURSELF IN THAT BOOK 284 00:23:11,957 --> 00:23:16,394 FOR HALF AN HOUR AND THAT IS THE WAY TO SET UP A DAY. 285 00:23:16,394 --> 00:23:20,232 I REALLY RECOMMEND IT. IT FREES YOUR HEAD UP. 286 00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:21,900 Stephen: I'LL GIVE IT A TRY. 287 00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:26,638 I'LL GIVE IT A TRY. Patrick: WELL, IF YOU'RE 288 00:23:26,638 --> 00:23:29,274 GOING TO TRY THAT, I CAN RECOMMEND A BOOK YOU MIGHT WANT 289 00:23:29,274 --> 00:23:31,743 TO START WITH. Stephen: OH, REALLY? 290 00:23:31,743 --> 00:23:34,379 I HEAR GOOD THINGS ABOUT BOOKS. WHICH ONE? 291 00:23:34,379 --> 00:23:37,182 Patrick: ACTUALLY YOU COULDN'T USE IT YET BECAUSE IT 292 00:23:37,182 --> 00:23:40,051 HASN'T YET BEEN PUBLISHED. Stephen: OH, YOUR BOOK. 293 00:23:40,051 --> 00:23:42,721 THAT'S RIGHT, YOU ARE WRITING A MEMOIR. 294 00:23:42,721 --> 00:23:47,325 Patrick: MEMOIR. Stephen: CAN YOU TEASE US 295 00:23:47,325 --> 00:23:50,495 WITH SOME MEMORY FROM YOUR MEMOIR LIKE WHAT MIGHT SHOW UP 296 00:23:50,495 --> 00:23:53,498 IN THE BOOK. WHAT'S AN EARLY IMPRESSION OF A 297 00:23:53,498 --> 00:23:56,134 LIFE IN THE THEATER FOR YOU? Patrick: LIFE IN THE 298 00:23:56,134 --> 00:23:58,703 THEATER. Stephen: ANY ADVICE YOU 299 00:23:58,703 --> 00:23:59,704 GOT? Patrick: YES. 300 00:23:59,704 --> 00:24:03,108 IT MADE ME-- IT MADE ME INTO THE PERSON THAT 301 00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:10,582 I WAS NOT WHEN I GREW UP. GROWING UP, I WAS A VERY UNHAPPY 302 00:24:10,582 --> 00:24:13,518 AND FRUSTRATED PERSON BECAUSE MY LIFE AT HOME WASN'T GOOD. 303 00:24:13,518 --> 00:24:17,989 BUT THE THEATER CHANGED ALL THAT BECAUSE I WAS NO LONGER PATRICK 304 00:24:17,989 --> 00:24:20,659 STEWART. I WAS KING OBERON. 305 00:24:20,659 --> 00:24:26,231 Stephen: THIS GUY HAS GOT A LOT TO BE HAPPY ABOUT. 306 00:24:26,231 --> 00:24:29,501 EXACTLY. BUT WAIT A SECOND. 307 00:24:29,501 --> 00:24:33,939 CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FIRST EXPERIENCE OF BEING IN THE 308 00:24:33,939 --> 00:24:36,274 THEATER? I NO LONGER DO LIVE THEATER, 309 00:24:36,274 --> 00:24:40,912 THAT'S HOW I STARTED OUT. I LOVE THE FEELING OF BEING IN A 310 00:24:40,912 --> 00:24:44,282 THEATER EVEN IF IT'S EMPTY. Patrick: THE DIFFERENCE 311 00:24:44,282 --> 00:24:49,654 BETWEEN BEING ON A FILM SET AND BEING IN A LIVE AUDITORIUM, LIKE 312 00:24:49,654 --> 00:24:51,323 NOW, IS THAT. MOST AUDIENCES DON'T NATURALLY 313 00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:55,594 KNOW THIS. BUT THEIR PRESENCE IS A BIG 314 00:24:55,594 --> 00:25:00,031 ELEMENT. IT'S A BIG PART OF THE EVENT. 315 00:25:00,031 --> 00:25:02,133 AND THEIR CONTRIBUTION IS CRITICAL. 316 00:25:02,133 --> 00:25:07,138 AND IT'S NEVER QUITE THE SAME. SO LIVE THEATER, EXCUSE ME, 317 00:25:07,138 --> 00:25:13,111 GIVES YOU ENERGY. SOMETHING TO PLAY WITH, WHICH IS 318 00:25:13,111 --> 00:25:19,517 NEW AND NOVEL. WHEREAS, YOU KNOW, YOU GET OKAY, 319 00:25:19,517 --> 00:25:20,151 CUT. CUT. 320 00:25:20,151 --> 00:25:29,261 MOVING ON. [CHEERING] 321 00:25:29,261 --> 00:25:32,097 Stephen: NOT TO BANG A DRUM HERE BUT DO YOU HAVE A FIRST 322 00:25:32,097 --> 00:25:35,267 MEMORY OF BEING IN THE THEATER OR AN EARLY MEMORY OF A PLAY 323 00:25:35,267 --> 00:25:38,470 THAT YOU THOUGHT IT MEANT A LOT TO YOU WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG MAN? 324 00:25:38,470 --> 00:25:43,241 Patrick: WELL, NO. THERE WEREN'T. 325 00:25:43,241 --> 00:25:46,144 IT WAS THE MOVIES THAT I WENT TO. 326 00:25:46,144 --> 00:25:51,983 WE HAD NO TV, NO TELEPHONE, NO CAR IN OUR FAMILY. 327 00:25:51,983 --> 00:25:59,858 WE WERE POWERED UP. WE WERE HARD UP BUT I HAD THE 328 00:25:59,858 --> 00:26:03,495 CINEMA AND I WOULD SAVE MY POCKET MONEY TO GO AT LEAST ONCE 329 00:26:03,495 --> 00:26:05,196 AND IF POSSIBLE TWICE A WEEK. 330 00:26:05,196 --> 00:26:08,300 I LOVED THE MOVIES. THEY WERE MY ESCAPE AND 331 00:26:08,300 --> 00:26:12,170 OF COURSE A LOT OF THEM WERE IN HOLLYWOOD, WHICH IS NOW WHERE I 332 00:26:12,170 --> 00:26:15,173 LIVE. Stephen: THE LITTLE BOY GOT 333 00:26:15,173 --> 00:26:18,043 WHAT SHE WANTED. Patrick: THE LITTLE BOY GOT 334 00:26:18,043 --> 00:26:26,818 MORE THAN WHAT HE WANTED ACTUALLY. 335 00:26:26,818 --> 00:26:33,692 THERE HAVE BEEN INCIDENTS IN MY LIFE THAT WERE SO MAGICAL AND 336 00:26:33,692 --> 00:26:38,396 USUALLY IT HAD TO DO WITH MEETING SOMEONE WHOM AS A CHILD 337 00:26:38,396 --> 00:26:43,969 I HAD ADORED AND WORSHIPED. THE BEST EXAMPLE FOR ME IS KIRK 338 00:26:43,969 --> 00:26:46,371 DOUGLAS. Stephen: WHEN DID YOU MEET 339 00:26:46,371 --> 00:26:55,447 KIRK DOUGLAS? Patrick: WELL, I WAS DOING 340 00:26:55,447 --> 00:26:58,616 A CHRISTMAS CAROL, MY ONE-MAN SHOW AND I WOULD END THE PLACE 341 00:26:58,616 --> 00:27:01,152 SWEATING SO I ALWAYS TOOK A SHOWER IN THE SHOWER IN THE 342 00:27:01,152 --> 00:27:04,322 THEATER THAT WE WEREN'T IN LONDON WAS DOWN IN THE BASEMENT, 343 00:27:04,322 --> 00:27:07,726 AS ALWAYS, OF COURSE. I WAS IN THERE HAVING A SHOWER. 344 00:27:07,726 --> 00:27:12,130 MY ASSISTANT MANAGER CAME IN AND SAID "PATRICK, PATRICK, HURRY 345 00:27:12,130 --> 00:27:13,932 UP. YOU'VE GOT TO VISIT HER." 346 00:27:13,932 --> 00:27:19,904 I SAID "I'M SHOWERING." NO, NO, IT'S KIRK DOUGLAS. 347 00:27:19,904 --> 00:27:25,110 IN MY DRESSING ROOM. THERE WAS KIRK. 348 00:27:25,110 --> 00:27:30,448 HIS FAMILY WERE WITH HIM. AS I CAME IN, HE STARTED TO GET 349 00:27:30,448 --> 00:27:33,651 OUT OF THE CHAIR. HE WAS ELDERLY AND HAVE HAD A 350 00:27:33,651 --> 00:27:35,220 THROAT PROBLEM. IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN CANCER THAT 351 00:27:35,220 --> 00:27:42,627 HE HAD. I SAID NO, DON'T STAND UP. 352 00:27:42,627 --> 00:27:46,498 PLEASE. HE CAME OVER AND HE PUT HIS ARMS 353 00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:59,077 AROUND ME AND HE SAID "YOU ARE MY INSPIRATION." 354 00:27:59,077 --> 00:28:07,919 [APPLAUSE] HE WAS... 355 00:28:07,919 --> 00:28:11,856 HE WAS A BEAUTIFUL, DELIGHTFUL MAN AND HE LIVED TO BE 103. 356 00:28:11,856 --> 00:28:14,025 Stephen: WOW. AS WELL YOU SHOULD. 357 00:28:14,025 --> 00:28:17,529 AS WELL YOU SHOULD BARELY HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT DON'T 358 00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:20,865 GO ANYWHERE BECAUSE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE PATRICK 359 00:28:20,865 --> 00:28:22,934 STEWART FROM EVERYBODY. STICK AROUND. 360 00:28:27,972 --> 00:28:29,441 Stephen: IT WAS SUCH A 361 00:28:29,441 --> 00:28:32,610 MAGICAL FEELING. HEY, EVERYBODY, WE ARE BACK HERE 362 00:28:32,610 --> 00:28:35,680 WITH THE STAR OF "STAR TREK: PICARD," PATRICK STEWART. 363 00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:40,251 WE ARE NOT LOOKING AT SEA SEASON 3 OF "STAR TREK: PICARD." 364 00:28:40,251 --> 00:28:41,486 Patrick: THAT'S WHY I'M HERE. 365 00:28:41,486 --> 00:28:47,058 Stephen: EXACTLY. YOU WERE RELUCTANT TO TAKE THIS 366 00:28:47,058 --> 00:28:49,227 PART BACK ON, TO DO THIS SHOW ORIGINALLY. 367 00:28:49,227 --> 00:28:52,230 WE ARE LOOKING AT SEASON 3. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO LEARN ABOUT 368 00:28:52,230 --> 00:28:55,100 THE CARD AND WHAT ARE WE GOING TO LEARN ABOUT THE STORY? 369 00:28:55,100 --> 00:28:58,770 Patrick: THE CRITICAL TH THING. 370 00:28:58,770 --> 00:29:01,072 TO CONVINCE ME THAT IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. 371 00:29:01,072 --> 00:29:04,509 BECAUSE YOU'RE RIGHT, I WAS RELUCTANT. 372 00:29:04,509 --> 00:29:09,047 THEY SAID LOOK, 25, 30 YEARS HAVE PASSED. 373 00:29:09,047 --> 00:29:15,253 25 YEARS SINCE YOUR LAST. SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED IN YOUR 374 00:29:15,253 --> 00:29:16,454 LIFE. MANY CHANGES. 375 00:29:16,454 --> 00:29:18,890 SOME OF THEM GOOD. SOME OF THEM NOT SO GOOD. 376 00:29:18,890 --> 00:29:23,695 IT'S BEEN A REALLY IMPORTANT TIME. 377 00:29:23,695 --> 00:29:26,831 YOU ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON THAT YOU WERE 25 YEARS AGO. 378 00:29:26,831 --> 00:29:32,337 NEITHER IS JEAN-LUC PICARD. NOBODY HAD EVEN HINTED AT 379 00:29:32,337 --> 00:29:35,507 SOMETHING LIKE THAT. AND THEY SAID, HOW DO WE KNOW 380 00:29:35,507 --> 00:29:38,476 WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO HIM IN 25 YEARS? 381 00:29:38,476 --> 00:29:40,979 WE KNOW HE BECAME AN ADMIRAL AND HE'S RETIRED NOW. 382 00:29:40,979 --> 00:29:44,649 BUT WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON IN HIS LIFE? 383 00:29:44,649 --> 00:29:50,622 THAT'S WHAT HOOKED ME BECAUSE I THINK ONE OF THE QUALITY THINGS 384 00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:56,661 ABOUT PICARD IS NOT JUST MYSELF BUT I'VE GOT TO BE CAREFUL WHAT 385 00:29:56,661 --> 00:30:01,766 I SAY NOW. THE OTHER ACTORS IN THE SERIES 386 00:30:01,766 --> 00:30:03,801 HAVE ALL HAD THE SAME THING SAID TO THEM. 387 00:30:03,801 --> 00:30:09,240 SO WE ARE EXPLORING THE IMPACT THAT YEARS OF LIVING CAN HAVE ON 388 00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,576 PEOPLE. SO WE'RE DIFFERENT. 389 00:30:11,576 --> 00:30:18,950 Stephen: ONE OF THE OTHER ACTORS IS JONATHAN, IN THIS CLIP 390 00:30:18,950 --> 00:30:23,521 THAT WE ARE ABOUT TO SHOW. Patrick: REALLY? 391 00:30:23,521 --> 00:30:26,424 Stephen: YES. I BELIEVE YOU HAVE JUST RECEIVED 392 00:30:26,424 --> 00:30:30,562 A MESSAGE THE YOU ARE ASKING HIS HELP IN DECIPHERING. 393 00:30:30,562 --> 00:30:32,564 Patrick: THAT'S RIGHT. I AM ALONE. 394 00:30:32,564 --> 00:30:35,633 SOMEONE IS IN TROUBLE. I WANT TO HELP THEM AND HE IS 395 00:30:35,633 --> 00:30:44,075 THE MAN I THINK OF. THIS MESSAGE REFERENCES THESE 396 00:30:44,075 --> 00:30:53,351 COORDINATES. TO TRUST NO ONE WITH THEM. 397 00:30:53,351 --> 00:30:55,553 WHAT'S OUT THERE? NOTHING AT ALL AS FAR AS I 398 00:30:55,553 --> 00:31:01,593 CAN SEE. THIS WORD, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT 399 00:31:01,593 --> 00:31:05,663 IT MEANS. OF COURSE NOT. 400 00:31:05,663 --> 00:31:08,399 IT WAS A COMPUTER VIRUS ON THE ENTERPRISE WHEN YOU WORK 401 00:31:08,399 --> 00:31:15,540 INCAPACITATED. INCAPACITATED? 402 00:31:15,540 --> 00:31:22,914 THE BORG, OF COURSE. I KNEW THAT I CALLED YOU FOR A 403 00:31:22,914 --> 00:31:30,855 REASON. Stephen: PATRICK, THANK YOU 404 00:31:30,855 --> 00:31:34,592 SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. IT'S ALWAYS SUCH A PLEASURE. 405 00:31:34,592 --> 00:31:37,128 THE FINAL SEASON OF "STAR TREK: PICARD" PREMIERES THIS THURSDAY 406 00:31:37,128 --> 00:31:39,430 ON PARAMOUNT PLUS. IT'S PATRICK STEWART FROM 407 00:31:39,430 --> 00:31:40,932 EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE 408 00:31:40,932 --> 00:31:45,003 STAR OF "EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE," KE HUY QUAN. 409 00:31:52,610 --> 00:31:55,813 ♪ ♪ 410 00:31:55,813 --> 00:32:01,052 Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. WELCOMEBACK, LADIES AND 411 00:32:01,052 --> 00:32:05,690 GENTLEMEN. MY NEXT GUEST TONIGHT 412 00:32:05,690 --> 00:32:07,292 IS AN ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "INDIANA JONES 413 00:32:07,292 --> 00:32:08,593 AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM," "THE GOONIES," 414 00:32:08,593 --> 00:32:10,428 AND HIS ACADEMY-AWARD NOMINATED PERFORMANCE IN "EVERYTHING 415 00:32:10,428 --> 00:32:25,977 EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE." 416 00:32:25,977 --> 00:32:29,447 ♪ ♪ OKAY, SIR. 417 00:32:29,447 --> 00:33:07,852 THAT'S ENOUGH. 418 00:33:07,852 --> 00:33:09,153 Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," 419 00:33:09,153 --> 00:33:27,438 KE HUY QUAN. 420 00:33:27,438 --> 00:33:33,077 ♪ ♪ Ke Huy: WOW. 421 00:33:33,077 --> 00:33:34,245 WOW. OH, MY GOSH. 422 00:33:34,245 --> 00:33:36,481 WOW. WOW. 423 00:33:36,481 --> 00:33:39,050 THANK YOU. Stephen: PLEASE HAVE A 424 00:33:39,050 --> 00:33:41,352 SEAT. THERE YOU GO. 425 00:33:41,352 --> 00:33:44,956 Ke Huy: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! 426 00:33:44,956 --> 00:33:48,926 Stephen: IT'S LOVELY-- Ke Huy: STEPHEN, I'VE GOT 427 00:33:48,926 --> 00:33:52,630 TO TELL YOU THIS STORY. EARLY JANUARY OF THIS YEAR WE 428 00:33:52,630 --> 00:33:58,403 ATTENDED AN EVENT CALLED NEW YORK FILM CRITICS CIRCLE 429 00:33:58,403 --> 00:33:59,504 AWARDS. Stephen: YES, I GAVE AN 430 00:33:59,504 --> 00:34:02,940 AWARD TO CATE BLANCHETT. Ke Huy: I DIDN'T KNOW YOU 431 00:34:02,940 --> 00:34:05,209 WERE GOING TO BE THERE. I SAW YOU AND I FREAKED OUT AND 432 00:34:05,209 --> 00:34:07,979 I WAS GOING TO DO WHAT I NORMALLY DO AT THESE EVENTS 433 00:34:07,979 --> 00:34:12,049 WHICH IS TO RUN UP TO YOU, TELL YOU I LOVE YOU, AND ASK FOR A 434 00:34:12,049 --> 00:34:14,685 SELFIE. BUT THEN I GOT PULLED AWAY FOR 435 00:34:14,685 --> 00:34:16,954 JUST A FEW SECONDS. I TURNED AROUND AND YOU WERE 436 00:34:16,954 --> 00:34:20,091 GONE. I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED. 437 00:34:20,091 --> 00:34:24,962 LITTLE DID I KNOW, A FEW WEEKS LATER, I AM ON THE 438 00:34:24,962 --> 00:34:28,599 STEPHEN COLBERT SHOW. Stephen: THANK YOU. 439 00:34:28,599 --> 00:34:31,803 THIS IS NICE. WE HAVE MORE TIME TO TALK NOW. 440 00:34:31,803 --> 00:34:35,239 Ke Huy: THIS IS MUCH BETTER AND AS THEY SAY, GOOD THINGS 441 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,742 COME TO PEOPLE WHO WAIT. Stephen: THAT'S EXACTLY 442 00:34:37,742 --> 00:34:41,546 RIGHT AND SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO WAIT, THIS STORY OF THIS MOVIE 443 00:34:41,546 --> 00:34:45,583 AND YOU IN THIS MOVIE AND WHAT'S HAPPENING TO YOU RIGHT NOW SO 444 00:34:45,583 --> 00:34:48,219 EXTRAORDINARY. YOU'VE ALREADY GOTTEN THE 445 00:34:48,219 --> 00:34:51,656 RECOGNITION OF BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR, GOLDEN GLOBE NOMINATED 446 00:34:51,656 --> 00:34:56,093 FOR AN OSCAR, ACADEMY AWARD. HE FINISHED SHOOTING THIS IN 447 00:34:56,093 --> 00:34:59,030 MARCH 2020 WHICH IS THE LAST TIME ANYBODY WAS SHOOTING 448 00:34:59,030 --> 00:35:04,035 ANYTHING FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS. THE COVID HITS AND THEN IT 449 00:35:04,035 --> 00:35:06,637 DOESN'T COME OUT UNTIL TWO YEARS LATER. 450 00:35:06,637 --> 00:35:08,573 WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU HAD TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE 451 00:35:08,573 --> 00:35:12,176 SITTING ON SOMETHING SPECIAL AT THAT POINT. 452 00:35:12,176 --> 00:35:15,546 Ke Huy: I DIDN'T KNOW. I WAS AT HOME, LIKE EVERYBODY 453 00:35:15,546 --> 00:35:20,418 ELSE, TRYING TO STAY SAFE. I WAS AUDITIONING LEFT AND 454 00:35:20,418 --> 00:35:23,988 RIGHT. SENDING TAPES. 455 00:35:23,988 --> 00:35:28,693 WHAT WAS INTERESTING WAS I COULD NOT GET A SINGLE JOB. 456 00:35:28,693 --> 00:35:32,063 NOT ONE CALL BACK. NOBODY WANTED ME. 457 00:35:32,063 --> 00:35:34,465 Stephen: SO YOU HAVE JUST FINISHED-- 458 00:35:34,465 --> 00:35:37,635 YOU DON'T KNOW THIS BUT YOU'VE JUST FINISHED YOUR GOLDEN GLOBE 459 00:35:37,635 --> 00:35:42,006 AND ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATED ROLE AND YOU CAN'T GET ARRESTED AT 460 00:35:42,006 --> 00:35:46,177 THIS POINT IN HOLLYWOOD. Ke Huy: I WAS SO WORRIED 461 00:35:46,177 --> 00:35:49,113 BECAUSE I WAS EXPERIENCING EVERYTHING I EXPERIENCED AS A 462 00:35:49,113 --> 00:35:53,851 KID WHEN I WAS AUDITIONING. I COULDN'T GET A JOB. 463 00:35:53,851 --> 00:35:57,221 THAT'S WHY I STEPPED AWAY. Stephen: AFTER 464 00:35:57,221 --> 00:35:59,891 INDIANA JONES, AFTER "THE GOONIES." 465 00:35:59,891 --> 00:36:01,459 Ke Huy: YOU WORK WITH STEVEN SPIELBERG AND HARRISON 466 00:36:01,459 --> 00:36:06,864 FORD AND GEORGE LUCAS, YOU CAN'T GO ANYWHERE BUT DOWN FROM THERE. 467 00:36:06,864 --> 00:36:09,667 Stephen: HAVE YOU AND SPIELBERG KEPT IN TOUCH OVER THE 468 00:36:09,667 --> 00:36:11,235 YEARS? Ke Huy: FIRST OF ALL, HE'S 469 00:36:11,235 --> 00:36:13,204 A SWEET MAN. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. 470 00:36:13,204 --> 00:36:18,209 HE SENDS ME A CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVERY SINGLE YEAR FOR THE LAST 471 00:36:18,209 --> 00:36:19,477 38 YEARS. Stephen: WOW. 472 00:36:19,477 --> 00:36:24,815 AND HERE YOU ARE TOGETHER AT THE GOLDEN GLOBES I BELIEVE. 473 00:36:24,815 --> 00:36:28,986 THAT'S FANTASTIC. Ke Huy: BY THE WAY. 474 00:36:28,986 --> 00:36:30,821 YOU GUYS DIDN'T SEE THIS ON TELEVISION. 475 00:36:30,821 --> 00:36:40,031 AFTER MY SPEECH, JUST AS I WAS WALKING OFF STAGE, I LOOKED AT 476 00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:44,402 HIM. HE GAVE ME A STANDING OVATION. 477 00:36:44,402 --> 00:36:46,637 STEVEN SPIELBERG GAVE ME A STANDING OVATION. 478 00:36:46,637 --> 00:36:51,208 IT WAS INCREDIBLE. IT WAS INCREDIBLE. 479 00:36:51,208 --> 00:36:53,110 Stephen: THAT'S REALLY LOVELY. 480 00:36:53,110 --> 00:36:58,316 ALSO I UNDERSTAND, HERE YOU ARE, 38 YEARS AGO, 38 YEARS AGO, 481 00:36:58,316 --> 00:36:59,917 THERE YOU ARE WITH HARRISON FORD RIGHT THERE. 482 00:36:59,917 --> 00:37:03,521 THERE YOU ARE. BUT IN THEN PLEASE TELL ME HOW 483 00:37:03,521 --> 00:37:05,923 THIS NEXT PHOTOGRAPH CAME ABOUT BECAUSE I'VE GOT ANOTHER ONE. 484 00:37:05,923 --> 00:37:09,460 TELL THE STORY ABOUT THE NEXT TIME YOU SAW HIM, IF YOU DON'T 485 00:37:09,460 --> 00:37:11,195 MIND. Ke Huy: I HAVEN'T SEEN 486 00:37:11,195 --> 00:37:16,267 HARRISON FORD IN 38 YEARS SO I WAS SCHEDULED TO ATTEND AN EVENT 487 00:37:16,267 --> 00:37:18,336 FOR DISNEY. I WAS TOLD THAT HARRISON FORD 488 00:37:18,336 --> 00:37:23,341 WAS GOING TO BE THERE. AND I WAS IN THE GREEN ROOM, AND 489 00:37:23,341 --> 00:37:32,650 THERE WERE SO MANY BIG STARS, BIG FILMMAKERS, BIG PRODUCERS. 490 00:37:32,650 --> 00:37:34,752 I WAS LOOKING AROUND THE ROOM TRYING TO SEE IF I COULD FIND 491 00:37:34,752 --> 00:37:37,922 HIM. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US WERE 492 00:37:37,922 --> 00:37:41,192 ASSIGNED WITH AN ASSISTANT TO HELP US MANEUVER THE EVENT AND 493 00:37:41,192 --> 00:37:44,662 MY ASSISTANT CAME RUNNING UP TO ME AND SAYS, HARRISON FORD IS 494 00:37:44,662 --> 00:37:49,634 RIGHT OUTSIDE THE GREEN ROOM. AND I GOT REALLY NERVOUS. 495 00:37:49,634 --> 00:37:51,836 MY HEART WAS POUNDING. HE SAID DO YOU WANT TO GO SEE 496 00:37:51,836 --> 00:37:55,206 THEM AND I SAID OF COURSE I WANT TO GO SEE THEM. 497 00:37:55,206 --> 00:38:02,213 SO I WALKED OUT, AND SURE ENOUGH, 15 FEET AWAY I SAW HIM 498 00:38:02,213 --> 00:38:05,616 TALKING TO PHOEBE WHO IS STARTING WITH HIM. 499 00:38:05,616 --> 00:38:11,856 AS I GET CLOSER, HE TURNS TO ME AND HE TAKES ONE LOOK AT ME AND 500 00:38:11,856 --> 00:38:17,962 ALL OF A SUDDEN HE HAS THAT CLASSIC HARRISON FORD GRUMPY 501 00:38:17,962 --> 00:38:20,798 LOOK AND HE RAISES HIS FINGER AND POINTED IT AT ME. 502 00:38:20,798 --> 00:38:25,069 I GOT REALLY SCARED BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE'S THINKING I'M A FAN. 503 00:38:25,069 --> 00:38:27,171 HE'S GOING TO SAY DON'T GET NEAR ME. 504 00:38:27,171 --> 00:38:37,948 BUT INSTEAD HE SAYS, ARE YOU SHORT ROUND? 505 00:38:37,948 --> 00:38:43,220 IMMEDIATELY I WAS TRAN TRANSPORO 1984 LOOKING UP TO HIM AND I 506 00:38:43,220 --> 00:38:55,266 SAID YES, INDY. AND HE SAYS... 507 00:38:55,266 --> 00:38:57,868 AND HE SAYS COME HERE. COME HERE. 508 00:38:57,868 --> 00:39:03,674 HE PULLS ME IN, GAVE ME THE BIGGEST, WARMEST HUG AND WE 509 00:39:03,674 --> 00:39:07,178 CHATTED FOR A LITTLE BIT OF THAT WAS THE PICTURE THAT WE TOOK. 510 00:39:07,178 --> 00:39:10,981 Stephen: NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY AS MUCH ABOUT SENDING 511 00:39:10,981 --> 00:39:14,285 IN THE SELF TAPES FROM HOME FOR THE AUDITION BECAUSE I 512 00:39:14,285 --> 00:39:17,021 UNDERSTAND YOU ARE NOW JOINING THE MARVEL UNIVERSE BECAUSE 513 00:39:17,021 --> 00:39:25,796 YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN SEASON TWO OF "LOKI." 514 00:39:25,796 --> 00:39:27,932 EXCITED ABOUT THE FUTURE? Ke Huy: HONESTLY, THINGS 515 00:39:27,932 --> 00:39:32,436 ARE SO DIFFERENT FOR ME NOW THAN THEY WERE BACK THEN. 516 00:39:32,436 --> 00:39:35,606 I AM REALLY BLESSED AND I FEEL VERY, VERY GRATEFUL. 517 00:39:35,606 --> 00:39:40,010 HONESTLY, EVER SINCE I GOT BACK INTO ACTING, THIS HAS BEEN SUCH 518 00:39:40,010 --> 00:39:44,815 AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY. I HAVE CRIED SO MUCH. 519 00:39:44,815 --> 00:39:52,256 MY WIFE IS SO SICK OF ME CRYING. YEAH, I AM SO GRATEFUL. 520 00:39:52,256 --> 00:39:53,724 EVERYBODY-- I THOUGHT EVERYBODY HAD 521 00:39:53,724 --> 00:39:56,694 FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME. BUT SINCE THE MOVIE CAME OUT, 522 00:39:56,694 --> 00:39:59,697 THERE'S BEEN SO MUCH POSITIVITY AND SO MUCH KINDNESS. 523 00:39:59,697 --> 00:40:02,833 SO THANK YOU SO MUCH. THANK YOU. 524 00:40:02,833 --> 00:40:06,003 Stephen: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. 525 00:40:06,003 --> 00:40:07,905 LOVELY TO HAVE YOU ON. "EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE 526 00:40:07,905 --> 00:40:12,943 ALL AT ONCE" IS IN THEATERS AND STREAMING ON SHOWTIME. 527 00:40:12,943 --> 00:40:14,578 KE HUY QUAN, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 528 00:40:18,449 --> 00:40:20,351 Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY. 529 00:40:20,351 --> 00:40:22,253 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE 530 00:40:22,253 --> 00:40:23,254 JIM GAFFIGAN AND JESSE WILLIAMS. 531 00:40:23,254 --> 00:40:24,722 ONCE AGAIN, SPECIAL THANKS TO BOYZ II MEN. 532 00:40:24,722 --> 00:40:27,792 STICK AROUND FOR JAMES. GOODNIGHT.