ACCORDING TO A NEW SURVEY BY THE AMERICAN ENTERPRISE
INSTITUTE, MORE AMERICANS ARE CHOOSING TO STAY SINGLE.
THE SURVEY REPORTED THAT "MORE PEOPLE SAID THAT THEY LIKE BEING
SINGLE, CAN'T FIND SOMEONE WHO MEETS THEIR EXPECTATIONS,
OR JUST HAVE MORE IMPORTANT PRIORITIES" RIGHT NOW.
THIS VALENTINE'S DAY, MORE PEOPLE ARE CHOOSING
TO BE SINGLE. THAT'S WHY WE'RE PROUD TO
INTRODUCE "I'LL ALWAYS HAVE ME," A ROMANTIC SONG COMPILATION
CELEBRATING BEING ALONE ON VALENTINE'S DAY,
PERFORMED BY THE NOT HAVING SEX-TET.
[SINGING TO THE TUNE OF "THE POWER OF LOVE"]
♪ ♪
THESE SONGS ARE THE PERFECT WAY TO LET YOUR SPECIAL SOMEONE
KNOW THAT THE SPECIAL SOMEONE IS SOME...YOU.
[SINGING TO THE TUNE OF "THAT'S AMORE"]
SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
PICK UP "I'LL ALWAYS HAVE ME," BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY THING YOU
WANT TO PICK UP TONIGHT. Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." TONIGHT...
LOVE FROM NEW YORK. FIRST, STEPHEN WELCOMES...
PATRICK STEWART. AND KE HUY QUAN.
WITH A SPECIAL APPEARANCE WITH A SPECIAL APPEARANCE
BY BOYZ II MEN. FEATURING LOUIS CATO
AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND. AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE
FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY,
IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT.
Stephen: HEY! ♪ ♪
BEAUTIFUL. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
NICE TO SEE YOU.
HAPPY TUESDAY. HAPPY TUESDAY.
HAPPY, HAPPY. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HEY, EVERYBODY! PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME, ONE AT ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. I WANT TO START OFF WITH
EVERYBODY OVER THERE, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.
OR AS FLOWERS CALL IT, "THE PURGE."
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO GOT SWEETS FROM YOUR SWEETHEART,
GOOD NEWS. THE LATEST RESEARCH SAYS THAT
CONSUMING COCOA DOES PROVIDE HEALTH ENEFITS, THANKS TO
SOMETHING CALLED FLAVANOLS, BUT MOST CHOCOLATE BARS
DON'T CONTAIN ENOUGH OF IT. THAT'S TRUE.
SOME OF THE MOST CHOCOLATE BARS DON'T HAVE ENOUGH.
TE MAIN INGREDIENTS IN A SNICKERS BAR ARE
PEANUTS, CARAMEL, AND VEIN! IT'S A LITTLE UPSETTING.
IT'S A LITTLE DISTURBING. SOME UNLIKELY CANDIDATES
ARE TRYING TO JOIN CHOCOLATE AS POTENTIAL VALENTINES GIFTS.
THE AGRICULTURAL GROUP LEGUMES FROM EUROPE
IS "ENCOURAGING ROMANTICS EVERYWHERE TO SURPRISE
YOUR SPECIAL SOMEONE, AND AMAZE THEM WITH A RECIPE
USING CANNED LEGUMES." OF COURSE, IT'S NATURAL.
LIKE MY FAVORITE VALENTINE POEM,
"LENTILS ARE RED, CHICKPEAS ARE BEIGE,
I BOUGHT YOU BEANS, AND YOU ASKED FOR A DIVORCE."
I LIKE LEGUMES FROM EUROPE, THAT'S A HELL OF A NAME.
VALENTINE'S DAY SPENDING FOR GIFTS IS UP THIS YEAR.
ACCORDING TO THE NATIONAL RETAIL FEDERATION,
THE AVERAGE PERSON WILL SPEND $192.80.
AND IF YOU'RE AN AVERAGE PERSON WHO WANTS AN AVERAGE VALENTINE'S
DAY BY SPENDING THE AVERAGE AMOUNT OF MONEY, WE DID A LITTLE
RESEARCH, AND THIS IS TRUE, HERE'S SOMETHING YOU CAN BUY FOR
YOUR SPECIAL SOMEONE FOR EXACTLY $192.80.
IT'S FROM THE GOOD PEOPLE AT Pulls-Direct.com.
THE EMTEK DURANGO SANDCAST BRONZE PASSAGE DOOR LEVERSET
WITH THE CF MECHANISM! OKAY.
REMEMBER, EVERYBODY. MONEY CAN'T BUY YOU LOVE,
BUT IT CAN BUY YOU "KNOB." I BETTER GET SOME FREE DOOR
HANDLES IS ALL I KNOW. THERE'S BIG NEWS ABOUT FORMER
U.N AMBASSADOR AND WOMAN ENJOYING INTESTINAL REGULARITY
SINCE SHE STARTED EATING DELICIOUS ACTIVIA,
NIKKI HALEY. BECAUSE THIS MORNING, HALEY
ANNOUNCED THAT SHE IS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT!
AS SHE SAID IN HER CAMPAIGN ANNOUNCEMENT TWEET "GET
EXCITED." A GRATEFUL PASS.
OF COURSE, ANY CAMPAIGN VETERAN WILL TELL YOU THERE'S NO BETTER
TIME TO DROP THE BIGGEST POLITICAL NEWS OF YOUR LIFE
THAN ON VALENTINES DAY, AT 6:48 A.M.,
YEAH, A DAY WHEN EVERYONE'S THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE
AT A TIME WHEN NO ONE IS AWAKE. THE ONLY WAY THIS COULD MAKE
A SMALLER SPLASH IS IF HALEY WHISPERED IT INTO A BOWL
OF SOUP. PSST, HEY.
HEY, MUSHROOM BARLEY. YOU WANNA HEAR A SECRET?
I'M NEVER GONNA BE PRESIDENT. DON'T TELL ANYBODY.
HALEY'S FIRST CAMPAIGN VIDEO STARTS LIKE THIS.
THE RAILROAD TRACKS DIVIDED THE TOWN BY RACE.
I WAS THE PROUD DAUGHTER OF INDIAN IMMIGRANTS,
NOT BLACK, NOT WHITE. I WAS DIFFERENT.
Stephen: "I WAS DIFFERENT FOR MANY REASONS.
FOR INSTANCE, IN MY FAMILY, WE KEPT THE FAMILY PHOTOGRAPHS
ON THE SIDEWALK. IT MADE THEM VERY HARD TO DUST.
SHE WENT ON TO TOSS OUT SOME CLASSIC CULTURE WAR RED MEAT.
SOME LOOK AT OUR PAST AS EVIDENCE THAT AMERICA'S
FOUNDING PRINCIPLES ARE BAD. SOME THINK OUR IDEAS ARE NOT
JUST WRONG, BUT RACIST. Stephen: YEAH, SHE KNOWS
AMERICA'S NOT RACIST! SHE LEARNED THAT AS A LITTLE
GIRL, IN HER HOMETOWN, THAT WAS SPLIT BY A RAILROAD TRACK RIGHT
DOWN THE MIDDLE, TO KEEP THE WHITE PEOPLE ON ONE SIDE AND THE
BLACK PEOPLE ON THE OTHER. YOU KNOW!
NOT RACIST. SHE FINISHED HER VIDEO
WITH A WARNING TO HER OPPONENTS. YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS
ABOUT ME. I DON'T PUT UP WITH
BULLIES. Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.
SHE DOESN'T PUT UP WITH BULLIES LIKE THE EX-PRESIDENT.
SHE JUST, AND THIS IS TRUE, CALLS BULLIES TO GET THEIR
OPINION ON WHETHERE SHE CAN RUN FOR PRESIDENT.
BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS STRENGTH LIKE PICKING YOUR BULLY'S BRAIN
BEFORE DOING ANYTHING. "HELLO, TREVOR?
I'M JUST GETTING DRESSED FOR SCHOOL.
WHAT WOULD BE EASIER FOR YOU TO YANK UP MY BUTTCRACK,
BOXERS OR BRIEFS?" OR I COULD--
I COULD GO COMMANDO. BUT THE FORMER PRESIDENT
ISN'T THE ONLY ONE HALEY CALLED FOR ADVICE.
YOU SEE, NIKKI AND I ARE BOTH FROM SOUTH CAROLINA--
SHE USED TO BE THE GOVERNOR-- AND WE GO WAY BACK.
IN FACT, AND I KNOW THIS IS GONNA MAKE SOME NEWS,
WE ARE BEST FRIENDS. AND A COUPLE WEEKS BACK,
NIKKI CALLED ME UP AND SAID: "HI, PERSON I ADMIRE MOST
IN THE WORLD, STEPHEN COLBERT, IS IT OKAY WITH YOU IF I RUN
FOR PRESIDENT?" WELL, I ALMOST SPIT OUT
MY PAPER STRAW. AND I SAID, "YOU'RE PERFECT FOR
IT. I DON'T KNOW ANYONE MORE
WOKE THAN YOU." AND SHE SAID "OKAY, BUT FIRST,
I HAVE TO COOK MY FAVORITE MEAL ON MY ELECTRIC STOVE:
IMPOSSIBLE BURGERS AND LESBIAN M&Ms."
BEST OF LUCK TO YOU, NIKKI! I'M HAPPY JUST TO HELP.
SHE'S GONNA GO ALL THE WAY. SHE'S GOING ALL THE WAY.
NIKKI HALEY IS NOT THE ONLY CANDIDATE THAT FORMER
PRESIDENT BULLY IS WORRIED ABOUT.
HE IS ALSO PLANNING FOR FLORIDA GOVERNOR RON DeSANTIS SEEN
HERE, ZIPPING HIS CHEST HAIR
INTO HIS FLEECE. SURE.
GAH! THE GOVERNOR IN FLORIDA HAS HIGH
POLL NUMBERS, WHICH SPOOKS THE FORMER PRESIDENT, WHO APPARENTLY
NOW PRIVATELY REFERS TO DESANTIS AS "MEATBALL RON."
OOH! I DO NOT LIKE
HOW MUCH I LOVE THAT! IT'S SO DUMB AND ACCURATE.
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS REALLY GREAT AND BAD ABOUT IT?
HOW EASY IT IS TO SING IT TO THE TUNE OF "UPTOWN GIRL."
LET'S GO! ♪ MEATBALL RON!
♪ HE'S A WALKING, TALKING BEEF BATON ♪
♪ AND HE TELLS YOU THAT YOU CAN'T SAY GAY ♪
♪ AND THAT COVID WILL JUST GO AWAY ♪
IT'S CATCHY.
NOW, AS EAGLE-EYED REPORTERS HAVE MANAGED TO DISCERN,
THE NICKNAME IS AN APPARENT DIG AT DESANTIS' APPEARANCE.
REALLY? LET'S SEE FOR OURSELVES.
JIM! JIM!
NO! NOT TWO PICTURES
OF RON DESANTIS! WHAT?
OH, ONE OF THOSE WAS A MEATBALL. STILL, I'M NOT SURE
THE EX-PRESIDENT IS THE ONE TO BE TOSSING AROUND MEAT
INSULTS, CONSIDERING HE'S A REAL VEAL PARME-DON.
THANK YOU. APPARENTLY, THE EX-PRESIDENT
IS ALSO TESTING OUT A NICKNAME BASED ON DESANTIS'S RESPONSE
TO COVID. "SHUTDOWN RON."
NO, YOU DUMMY! QUIT WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD.
YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO DO BETTER THAN THE CRYSTALIZED GENIUS
THAT IS "MEATBALL RON." YOU DIDN'T SEE ORSON WELLES
TRY TO TOP "CITIZEN KANE" WITH "CITIZEN KANE 2: KANE-SANE
IN THE MEM-KANE." EVEN STUPIDER MORE,
I MIGHT HAVE MISREAD THAT JUST NOW.
WE'LL NEVER KNOW. MAYBE THAT'S WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED
TO SAY. EVEN STUPIDER MORE,
HE'S NOW DENYING THAT HE CAME UP
WITH "MEATBALL RON," POSTING ON TRUTH SOCIAL THAT "ALL OF THE
FAKE NEWS IS REPORTING THAT I SPEND LARGE AMOUNTS OF MY TIME
COMING UP WITH A GOOD "NICKNAME" FOR RON DESANCTIMONIOUS.
THEY ARE ALL 100% WRONG." OKAY, THAT ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE.
THE EX-PRESIDENT WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING
AS CATCHY AND MEMORABLE AS... ♪ MEATBALL RON! ♪
♪ MARINARA ♪ IS HIS BIG TURN-ON
♪ VERY, VERY SCARED OF C.R.T.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUESTS ARE SIR PATRICK STEWART
AND THE STAR OF "EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE,"
KE HUY QUAN. WHEN WE COME BACK,
A SPECIAL VALENTINE'S DAY MESSAGE WITH HELP FROM
BOYZ II MEN. STICK AROUND.
Announcer: "THE LATE SHOW
WITH STEPHEN COLBERT," SPONSORED BY ASHLEY.
AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE FURNITURE AND MATTRESS STORE.
♪ ♪
Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND.
LOUIS CATO AND "THE LATE SHOW" BAND.
LEWIS. LEWIS.
STEPHEN. Stephen: I CAN'T HELP.
I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE, I CAN'T HELP FEEL RIGHT INTO MY CHEST
BONE A CERTAIN RICHNESS TO THE SOUND MIGHT.
PLEASE TELL THE PEOPLE WHO WE ARE HONORED TO HAVE SITTING IN.
A GENERATIONAL GIFT OF MESHELL NDEGEOCELLO.
Stephen: IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY, ONE OF THE MOST
ROMANTIC HOLIDAYS. THE CARDS, THE SEXINESS,
THE CHUBBY NAKED BABIES SHOOTING ARROWS AT YOUR STERNUM.
VALENTINE'S DAY IN A HEART BUT HERE'S THE THING:
I'M A 58 YEAR-OLD MAN. MY DOCTOR SAID I SHOULD CUT BACK
ON CHOCOLATE-COVERED STRAWBERRIES, AND I JUST CAN'T
PULL OFF A CROTCHLESS TEDDY LIKE I USED TO.
IT'S SAID BUT IT'S TRUE. I JUST CAN'T.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. SO I THINK IT'S TIME VALENTINE'S
DAY MADE ROOM FOR THOSE COUPLES AMONG US WHO ARE STILL
DEEPLY IN LOVE BUT ALSO DEEPLY ASLEEP BY 9:00 P.M.
RECENTLY I ASKED LEGENDARY R&B GROUP BOYZ II MEN TO HELP ME OUT
BY UPDATING YEAH, STILL GOT IT, BABY.
BY UPDATING ONE OF THEIR CLASSIC HITS,
FOR ALL OF US MATURE ROMANTICS. JAMES?
HEY, BABY. IT'S ANOTHER VALENTINE'S DAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. ♪ CLOSE THAT DOOR ♪
♪ WASH THIS DISH ♪ ♪ I PUT ALL THE FORKS AWAY ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Stephen: THANK YOU, BOYZ II MEN.
YOU CAN CHECK OUT THEIR TOUR DATES AND THEIR "LOVE YOU
FOREVER" DIGITAL COLLECTIBLES AT BoyzIIMen.com.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SIR PATRICK STEWART, Y'ALL
♪ ♪
Stephen: HELLO! WELCOME BACK.
THANK YOU. WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW,"
EVERYBODY. MY FIRST GUEST THIS EVENING
HAS PLAYED A PROFESSOR, A STARSHIP CAPTAIN,
AND OF COURSE, THE POOP EMOJI. HE NOW STARS IN THE THIRD
AND FINAL SEASON OF "STAR TREK: PICARD."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW,"
PATRICK STEWART.
♪ ♪ PLEASE.
WON'T YOU PLEASE. HOW DELIGHTFUL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF FRIENDS OUT
THERE TONIGHT. Patrick: A LOT OF FRIENDS.
HAPPY, WHAT IS IT? VALENTINE'S DAY.
Stephen: IT'S AMAZING. YOU'RE 82 YEARS OLD AND YET...
AND YET. I FEEL LIKE THE DECREPIT ONE
BETWEEN THE TWO OF US. WHEN THEY MIGHT DO YOU, DOES THE
QUEEN ANOINT YOU WITH SOME OIL THAT KEEPS YOU YOUNG?
WHAT DO YOU DO TO STAY SO VITAL? Patrick: IT'S VERY
INTERESTING YOU SHOULD SAY THAT BECAUSE I FELT THAT SOMETHING
HAPPENED IN THAT MOMENT. YOU ARE KNEELING IN FRONT OF HER
MAJESTY, MAY SHE REST IN PEACE. AND THE SWORD TOUCHES YOUR ONE
SHOULDER AND THE OTHER SHOULDER, IT'S MAGICAL MOMENTS AND I FELT
SOMETHING MUST BE COMMUNICATED TO ME.
SHE IS HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN. MAYBE SHE'S GOT A LITTLE OIL.
THAT IMMEDIATELY TOOK 30 YEARS OFF MY AGE.
DO YOU THINK IT'S POSSIBLE AND DO YOU THINK THAT KING CHARLES
HAS THE SAME SKILL? Stephen: WE DON'T KNOW YET.
WE DON'T KNOW YET. IF HE KNIGHTED ME, WE WOULD FIND
OUT. Stephen: WOULD YOU LIKE ME
TO-- Stephen: I'M NOT A HUGE FAN
OF THE ROYALTY. Patrick: WHAT ARE YOU
SAYING? Stephen: I THINK THEY ARE
GANGSTERS IN NICE CLOTHES. I DON'T...
Patrick: THE COLBERT SHOW HAS DONE ENOUGH FOR THE KINGDOM.
Stephen: SPEAKING OF KINGS, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT
KING OBERON. THIS IS A MAN WHO NEEDS A LITTLE
ANOINTING RIGHT HERE. THIS IS YOU PLAYING OBERON IN
MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM. I'M JUST CURIOUS WHETHER YOU CAN
STILL PULL OFF THIS OUTFIT. LOOK AT THAT, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN. WAIT.
AWWW, YEAH. WAS THIS YOUR IDEA OR THE
COSTUME DESIGNER'S IDEA? Patrick: WE HAD NO COSTUME
DESIGNER. THAT'S WHY I'M NAKED.
YEAH. BY THE WAY, THIS WAS THE ROYAL
SHAKESPEARE COMPANY. YOU SEE THE ROYALS COME UP
AGAIN. THEY HAVE HAD THAT CHARM OVER MY
LIFE. Stephen: EVEN IF YOU SHOW
UP IN SOMETHING SUPER SEXY LIKE THIS, IT STILL SEEMS CLASSY
BECAUSE IT'S THE ROYAL SHAKESPEARE COMPANY.
Patrick: BECAUSE I AM SPEAKING BLANK VERSE.
Stephen: COULD YOU STILL PULL THAT OFF TODAY?
Patrick: YES. Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS.
CONGRATULATIONS. HUGH JACKMAN, SPEAKING OF GUYS
WHO LOOKED GOOD IN THE LOINCLOTH, HUGH JACKMAN WAS
RECENTLY HERE. HE SAID YOU GAVE HIM A LITTLE
LIFE ADVICE. ABOUT HOW TO START YOUR DAY.
DO YOU REMEMBER THIS ADVICE YOU GAVE HIM?
IT SOUNDED LIKE A VERY PEACEFUL WAY TO LIVE YOUR LIFE.
Patrick: I DO. WE WERE TALKING ABOUT WAKING UP
IN THE MORNING. SOMETIMES IT'S VERY, VERY EARLY.
4:30, 4:00. Stephen: TO GET TO A SET
PERIOD >> Patrick: WHEN YOU'RE WORKING.
I SAID, I'VE BEEN DOING SOMETHING FOR YEARS AND YEARS
WHICH HELPS ME. MAYBE IT WOULD HELP YOU.
I READ IN THE MORNING. I MAKE MYSELF A CUP OF TEA AND I
GET A BOOK. NOT A SCRIPT.
NOT A COMPUTER. Stephen: A NOVEL OR
SOMETHING. Patrick: YEAH, A NOVEL.
NOT A NEWSPAPER. OH, PLEASE, NOT A NEWSPAPER.
BUT A BOOK. YOU LOSE YOURSELF IN THAT BOOK
FOR HALF AN HOUR AND THAT IS THE WAY TO SET UP A DAY.
I REALLY RECOMMEND IT. IT FREES YOUR HEAD UP.
Stephen: I'LL GIVE IT A TRY.
I'LL GIVE IT A TRY. Patrick: WELL, IF YOU'RE
GOING TO TRY THAT, I CAN RECOMMEND A BOOK YOU MIGHT WANT
TO START WITH. Stephen: OH, REALLY?
I HEAR GOOD THINGS ABOUT BOOKS. WHICH ONE?
Patrick: ACTUALLY YOU COULDN'T USE IT YET BECAUSE IT
HASN'T YET BEEN PUBLISHED. Stephen: OH, YOUR BOOK.
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU ARE WRITING A MEMOIR.
Patrick: MEMOIR. Stephen: CAN YOU TEASE US
WITH SOME MEMORY FROM YOUR MEMOIR LIKE WHAT MIGHT SHOW UP
IN THE BOOK. WHAT'S AN EARLY IMPRESSION OF A
LIFE IN THE THEATER FOR YOU? Patrick: LIFE IN THE
THEATER. Stephen: ANY ADVICE YOU
GOT? Patrick: YES.
IT MADE ME-- IT MADE ME INTO THE PERSON THAT
I WAS NOT WHEN I GREW UP. GROWING UP, I WAS A VERY UNHAPPY
AND FRUSTRATED PERSON BECAUSE MY LIFE AT HOME WASN'T GOOD.
BUT THE THEATER CHANGED ALL THAT BECAUSE I WAS NO LONGER PATRICK
STEWART. I WAS KING OBERON.
Stephen: THIS GUY HAS GOT A LOT TO BE HAPPY ABOUT.
EXACTLY. BUT WAIT A SECOND.
CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FIRST EXPERIENCE OF BEING IN THE
THEATER? I NO LONGER DO LIVE THEATER,
THAT'S HOW I STARTED OUT. I LOVE THE FEELING OF BEING IN A
THEATER EVEN IF IT'S EMPTY. Patrick: THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN BEING ON A FILM SET AND BEING IN A LIVE AUDITORIUM, LIKE
NOW, IS THAT. MOST AUDIENCES DON'T NATURALLY
KNOW THIS. BUT THEIR PRESENCE IS A BIG
ELEMENT. IT'S A BIG PART OF THE EVENT.
AND THEIR CONTRIBUTION IS CRITICAL.
AND IT'S NEVER QUITE THE SAME. SO LIVE THEATER, EXCUSE ME,
GIVES YOU ENERGY. SOMETHING TO PLAY WITH, WHICH IS
NEW AND NOVEL. WHEREAS, YOU KNOW, YOU GET OKAY,
CUT. CUT.
MOVING ON. [CHEERING]
Stephen: NOT TO BANG A DRUM HERE BUT DO YOU HAVE A FIRST
MEMORY OF BEING IN THE THEATER OR AN EARLY MEMORY OF A PLAY
THAT YOU THOUGHT IT MEANT A LOT TO YOU WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG MAN?
Patrick: WELL, NO. THERE WEREN'T.
IT WAS THE MOVIES THAT I WENT TO.
WE HAD NO TV, NO TELEPHONE, NO CAR IN OUR FAMILY.
WE WERE POWERED UP. WE WERE HARD UP BUT I HAD THE
CINEMA AND I WOULD SAVE MY POCKET MONEY TO GO AT LEAST ONCE
AND IF POSSIBLE TWICE A WEEK.
I LOVED THE MOVIES. THEY WERE MY ESCAPE AND
OF COURSE A LOT OF THEM WERE IN HOLLYWOOD, WHICH IS NOW WHERE I
LIVE. Stephen: THE LITTLE BOY GOT
WHAT SHE WANTED. Patrick: THE LITTLE BOY GOT
MORE THAN WHAT HE WANTED ACTUALLY.
THERE HAVE BEEN INCIDENTS IN MY LIFE THAT WERE SO MAGICAL AND
USUALLY IT HAD TO DO WITH MEETING SOMEONE WHOM AS A CHILD
I HAD ADORED AND WORSHIPED. THE BEST EXAMPLE FOR ME IS KIRK
DOUGLAS. Stephen: WHEN DID YOU MEET
KIRK DOUGLAS? Patrick: WELL, I WAS DOING
A CHRISTMAS CAROL, MY ONE-MAN SHOW AND I WOULD END THE PLACE
SWEATING SO I ALWAYS TOOK A SHOWER IN THE SHOWER IN THE
THEATER THAT WE WEREN'T IN LONDON WAS DOWN IN THE BASEMENT,
AS ALWAYS, OF COURSE. I WAS IN THERE HAVING A SHOWER.
MY ASSISTANT MANAGER CAME IN AND SAID "PATRICK, PATRICK, HURRY
UP. YOU'VE GOT TO VISIT HER."
I SAID "I'M SHOWERING." NO, NO, IT'S KIRK DOUGLAS.
IN MY DRESSING ROOM. THERE WAS KIRK.
HIS FAMILY WERE WITH HIM. AS I CAME IN, HE STARTED TO GET
OUT OF THE CHAIR. HE WAS ELDERLY AND HAVE HAD A
THROAT PROBLEM. IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN CANCER THAT
HE HAD. I SAID NO, DON'T STAND UP.
PLEASE. HE CAME OVER AND HE PUT HIS ARMS
AROUND ME AND HE SAID "YOU ARE MY INSPIRATION."
[APPLAUSE] HE WAS...
HE WAS A BEAUTIFUL, DELIGHTFUL MAN AND HE LIVED TO BE 103.
Stephen: WOW. AS WELL YOU SHOULD.
AS WELL YOU SHOULD BARELY HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT DON'T
GO ANYWHERE BECAUSE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE PATRICK
STEWART FROM EVERYBODY. STICK AROUND.
Stephen: IT WAS SUCH A
MAGICAL FEELING. HEY, EVERYBODY, WE ARE BACK HERE
WITH THE STAR OF "STAR TREK: PICARD," PATRICK STEWART.
WE ARE NOT LOOKING AT SEA SEASON 3 OF "STAR TREK: PICARD."
Patrick: THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
Stephen: EXACTLY. YOU WERE RELUCTANT TO TAKE THIS
PART BACK ON, TO DO THIS SHOW ORIGINALLY.
WE ARE LOOKING AT SEASON 3. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO LEARN ABOUT
THE CARD AND WHAT ARE WE GOING TO LEARN ABOUT THE STORY?
Patrick: THE CRITICAL TH THING.
TO CONVINCE ME THAT IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
BECAUSE YOU'RE RIGHT, I WAS RELUCTANT.
THEY SAID LOOK, 25, 30 YEARS HAVE PASSED.
25 YEARS SINCE YOUR LAST. SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED IN YOUR
LIFE. MANY CHANGES.
SOME OF THEM GOOD. SOME OF THEM NOT SO GOOD.
IT'S BEEN A REALLY IMPORTANT TIME.
YOU ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON THAT YOU WERE 25 YEARS AGO.
NEITHER IS JEAN-LUC PICARD. NOBODY HAD EVEN HINTED AT
SOMETHING LIKE THAT. AND THEY SAID, HOW DO WE KNOW
WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO HIM IN 25 YEARS?
WE KNOW HE BECAME AN ADMIRAL AND HE'S RETIRED NOW.
BUT WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON IN HIS LIFE?
THAT'S WHAT HOOKED ME BECAUSE I THINK ONE OF THE QUALITY THINGS
ABOUT PICARD IS NOT JUST MYSELF BUT I'VE GOT TO BE CAREFUL WHAT
I SAY NOW. THE OTHER ACTORS IN THE SERIES
HAVE ALL HAD THE SAME THING SAID TO THEM.
SO WE ARE EXPLORING THE IMPACT THAT YEARS OF LIVING CAN HAVE ON
PEOPLE. SO WE'RE DIFFERENT.
Stephen: ONE OF THE OTHER ACTORS IS JONATHAN, IN THIS CLIP
THAT WE ARE ABOUT TO SHOW. Patrick: REALLY?
Stephen: YES. I BELIEVE YOU HAVE JUST RECEIVED
A MESSAGE THE YOU ARE ASKING HIS HELP IN DECIPHERING.
Patrick: THAT'S RIGHT. I AM ALONE.
SOMEONE IS IN TROUBLE. I WANT TO HELP THEM AND HE IS
THE MAN I THINK OF. THIS MESSAGE REFERENCES THESE
COORDINATES. TO TRUST NO ONE WITH THEM.
WHAT'S OUT THERE? NOTHING AT ALL AS FAR AS I
CAN SEE. THIS WORD, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT
IT MEANS. OF COURSE NOT.
IT WAS A COMPUTER VIRUS ON THE ENTERPRISE WHEN YOU WORK
INCAPACITATED. INCAPACITATED?
THE BORG, OF COURSE. I KNEW THAT I CALLED YOU FOR A
REASON. Stephen: PATRICK, THANK YOU
SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. IT'S ALWAYS SUCH A PLEASURE.
THE FINAL SEASON OF "STAR TREK: PICARD" PREMIERES THIS THURSDAY
ON PARAMOUNT PLUS. IT'S PATRICK STEWART FROM
EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE
STAR OF "EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE," KE HUY QUAN.
♪ ♪
Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. WELCOMEBACK, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN. MY NEXT GUEST TONIGHT
IS AN ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "INDIANA JONES
AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM," "THE GOONIES,"
AND HIS ACADEMY-AWARD NOMINATED PERFORMANCE IN "EVERYTHING
EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE."
♪ ♪ OKAY, SIR.
THAT'S ENOUGH.
Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW,"
KE HUY QUAN.
♪ ♪ Ke Huy: WOW.
WOW. OH, MY GOSH.
WOW. WOW.
THANK YOU. Stephen: PLEASE HAVE A
SEAT. THERE YOU GO.
Ke Huy: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
Stephen: IT'S LOVELY-- Ke Huy: STEPHEN, I'VE GOT
TO TELL YOU THIS STORY. EARLY JANUARY OF THIS YEAR WE
ATTENDED AN EVENT CALLED NEW YORK FILM CRITICS CIRCLE
AWARDS. Stephen: YES, I GAVE AN
AWARD TO CATE BLANCHETT. Ke Huy: I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
WERE GOING TO BE THERE. I SAW YOU AND I FREAKED OUT AND
I WAS GOING TO DO WHAT I NORMALLY DO AT THESE EVENTS
WHICH IS TO RUN UP TO YOU, TELL YOU I LOVE YOU, AND ASK FOR A
SELFIE. BUT THEN I GOT PULLED AWAY FOR
JUST A FEW SECONDS. I TURNED AROUND AND YOU WERE
GONE. I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED.
LITTLE DID I KNOW, A FEW WEEKS LATER, I AM ON THE
STEPHEN COLBERT SHOW. Stephen: THANK YOU.
THIS IS NICE. WE HAVE MORE TIME TO TALK NOW.
Ke Huy: THIS IS MUCH BETTER AND AS THEY SAY, GOOD THINGS
COME TO PEOPLE WHO WAIT. Stephen: THAT'S EXACTLY
RIGHT AND SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO WAIT, THIS STORY OF THIS MOVIE
AND YOU IN THIS MOVIE AND WHAT'S HAPPENING TO YOU RIGHT NOW SO
EXTRAORDINARY. YOU'VE ALREADY GOTTEN THE
RECOGNITION OF BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR, GOLDEN GLOBE NOMINATED
FOR AN OSCAR, ACADEMY AWARD. HE FINISHED SHOOTING THIS IN
MARCH 2020 WHICH IS THE LAST TIME ANYBODY WAS SHOOTING
ANYTHING FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS. THE COVID HITS AND THEN IT
DOESN'T COME OUT UNTIL TWO YEARS LATER.
WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU HAD TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE
SITTING ON SOMETHING SPECIAL AT THAT POINT.
Ke Huy: I DIDN'T KNOW. I WAS AT HOME, LIKE EVERYBODY
ELSE, TRYING TO STAY SAFE. I WAS AUDITIONING LEFT AND
RIGHT. SENDING TAPES.
WHAT WAS INTERESTING WAS I COULD NOT GET A SINGLE JOB.
NOT ONE CALL BACK. NOBODY WANTED ME.
Stephen: SO YOU HAVE JUST FINISHED--
YOU DON'T KNOW THIS BUT YOU'VE JUST FINISHED YOUR GOLDEN GLOBE
AND ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATED ROLE AND YOU CAN'T GET ARRESTED AT
THIS POINT IN HOLLYWOOD. Ke Huy: I WAS SO WORRIED
BECAUSE I WAS EXPERIENCING EVERYTHING I EXPERIENCED AS A
KID WHEN I WAS AUDITIONING. I COULDN'T GET A JOB.
THAT'S WHY I STEPPED AWAY. Stephen: AFTER
INDIANA JONES, AFTER "THE GOONIES."
Ke Huy: YOU WORK WITH STEVEN SPIELBERG AND HARRISON
FORD AND GEORGE LUCAS, YOU CAN'T GO ANYWHERE BUT DOWN FROM THERE.
Stephen: HAVE YOU AND SPIELBERG KEPT IN TOUCH OVER THE
YEARS? Ke Huy: FIRST OF ALL, HE'S
A SWEET MAN. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.
HE SENDS ME A CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVERY SINGLE YEAR FOR THE LAST
38 YEARS. Stephen: WOW.
AND HERE YOU ARE TOGETHER AT THE GOLDEN GLOBES I BELIEVE.
THAT'S FANTASTIC. Ke Huy: BY THE WAY.
YOU GUYS DIDN'T SEE THIS ON TELEVISION.
AFTER MY SPEECH, JUST AS I WAS WALKING OFF STAGE, I LOOKED AT
HIM. HE GAVE ME A STANDING OVATION.
STEVEN SPIELBERG GAVE ME A STANDING OVATION.
IT WAS INCREDIBLE. IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
Stephen: THAT'S REALLY LOVELY.
ALSO I UNDERSTAND, HERE YOU ARE, 38 YEARS AGO, 38 YEARS AGO,
THERE YOU ARE WITH HARRISON FORD RIGHT THERE.
THERE YOU ARE. BUT IN THEN PLEASE TELL ME HOW
THIS NEXT PHOTOGRAPH CAME ABOUT BECAUSE I'VE GOT ANOTHER ONE.
TELL THE STORY ABOUT THE NEXT TIME YOU SAW HIM, IF YOU DON'T
MIND. Ke Huy: I HAVEN'T SEEN
HARRISON FORD IN 38 YEARS SO I WAS SCHEDULED TO ATTEND AN EVENT
FOR DISNEY. I WAS TOLD THAT HARRISON FORD
WAS GOING TO BE THERE. AND I WAS IN THE GREEN ROOM, AND
THERE WERE SO MANY BIG STARS, BIG FILMMAKERS, BIG PRODUCERS.
I WAS LOOKING AROUND THE ROOM TRYING TO SEE IF I COULD FIND
HIM. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US WERE
ASSIGNED WITH AN ASSISTANT TO HELP US MANEUVER THE EVENT AND
MY ASSISTANT CAME RUNNING UP TO ME AND SAYS, HARRISON FORD IS
RIGHT OUTSIDE THE GREEN ROOM. AND I GOT REALLY NERVOUS.
MY HEART WAS POUNDING. HE SAID DO YOU WANT TO GO SEE
THEM AND I SAID OF COURSE I WANT TO GO SEE THEM.
SO I WALKED OUT, AND SURE ENOUGH, 15 FEET AWAY I SAW HIM
TALKING TO PHOEBE WHO IS STARTING WITH HIM.
AS I GET CLOSER, HE TURNS TO ME AND HE TAKES ONE LOOK AT ME AND
ALL OF A SUDDEN HE HAS THAT CLASSIC HARRISON FORD GRUMPY
LOOK AND HE RAISES HIS FINGER AND POINTED IT AT ME.
I GOT REALLY SCARED BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE'S THINKING I'M A FAN.
HE'S GOING TO SAY DON'T GET NEAR ME.
BUT INSTEAD HE SAYS, ARE YOU SHORT ROUND?
IMMEDIATELY I WAS TRAN TRANSPORO 1984 LOOKING UP TO HIM AND I
SAID YES, INDY. AND HE SAYS...
AND HE SAYS COME HERE. COME HERE.
HE PULLS ME IN, GAVE ME THE BIGGEST, WARMEST HUG AND WE
CHATTED FOR A LITTLE BIT OF THAT WAS THE PICTURE THAT WE TOOK.
Stephen: NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY AS MUCH ABOUT SENDING
IN THE SELF TAPES FROM HOME FOR THE AUDITION BECAUSE I
UNDERSTAND YOU ARE NOW JOINING THE MARVEL UNIVERSE BECAUSE
YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN SEASON TWO OF "LOKI."
EXCITED ABOUT THE FUTURE? Ke Huy: HONESTLY, THINGS
ARE SO DIFFERENT FOR ME NOW THAN THEY WERE BACK THEN.
I AM REALLY BLESSED AND I FEEL VERY, VERY GRATEFUL.
HONESTLY, EVER SINCE I GOT BACK INTO ACTING, THIS HAS BEEN SUCH
AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY. I HAVE CRIED SO MUCH.
MY WIFE IS SO SICK OF ME CRYING. YEAH, I AM SO GRATEFUL.
EVERYBODY-- I THOUGHT EVERYBODY HAD
FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME. BUT SINCE THE MOVIE CAME OUT,
THERE'S BEEN SO MUCH POSITIVITY AND SO MUCH KINDNESS.
SO THANK YOU SO MUCH. THANK YOU.
Stephen: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
LOVELY TO HAVE YOU ON. "EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE
ALL AT ONCE" IS IN THEATERS AND STREAMING ON SHOWTIME.
KE HUY QUAN, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE
JIM GAFFIGAN AND JESSE WILLIAMS.
ONCE AGAIN, SPECIAL THANKS TO BOYZ II MEN.
STICK AROUND FOR JAMES. GOODNIGHT.