1 00:00:01,901 --> 00:00:03,636 >>O'Donnell: TWO RARE EMPEROR 2 00:00:03,703 --> 00:00:04,738 TAMARIN MONKEYS ARE MISSING FROM THE DALLAS ZOO. 3 00:00:04,804 --> 00:00:09,275 POLICE SAY THE MONKEYS' ENCLOSURE WAS APPARENTLY CUT 4 00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:12,512 OPEN AND THE ANIMALS STOLEN. >> WE HAVE A SUSPECT IN THE 5 00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:15,382 MONKEY KIDNAPPING CASE. WE'RE GOING IN, GO GO. 6 00:00:15,448 --> 00:00:17,217 >> SUSPECT IS DRESSED IN YELLOW, WEARING A TALL HAT, APPROACH 7 00:00:17,283 --> 00:00:21,955 WITH CAUTION. >> I THINK WE'RE IN BIG TROUBLE, 8 00:00:22,021 --> 00:00:24,491 GEORGE. THEY'RE ON TO ME. 9 00:00:24,557 --> 00:00:27,894 BUT THEY WON'T TAKE US ALIVE! >> UH OOH OOH OOH OOH. 10 00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:33,266 >> ANNOUNCER: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!" 11 00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:38,905 TONIGHT: C.D.-SEE YA! 12 00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:42,175 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: JESSICA CHASTAIN 13 00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:47,180 AND JAY SHETTY FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE 14 00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:55,221 LATE SHOW BAND! AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE 15 00:00:55,288 --> 00:01:03,363 ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 16 00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:07,700 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 17 00:01:07,767 --> 00:01:14,707 >> STEPHEN: HEY! THERE YOU ARE. 18 00:01:14,774 --> 00:01:27,053 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HAPPY TUESDAY. 19 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:33,059 HEY EVERYBODY! THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 20 00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:41,968 HERE, UP THERE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 21 00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:46,906 PLEASE HAVE A SEAT EVERYBODY! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 22 00:01:46,973 --> 00:01:48,908 >> Stephen: THANK YOU. THANK YOU LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 23 00:01:48,975 --> 00:01:53,613 THANK YOU THOMAS. WELCOME, WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO 24 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,715 THE LATE SHOW. I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 25 00:01:55,782 --> 00:02:03,022 FOLKS, I COME TO YOU TONIGHT BREATHING EASY, BECAUSE THE 26 00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:05,158 WHITE HOUSE HAS FINALLY ANNOUNCED, THEY PLAN TO END THE 27 00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:07,594 COVID PUBLIC HEALTH EMERGENCY IN MAY. 28 00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:12,665 TAKE THAT COVID, WE BEAT YOU. SHOVE THAT UP YOUR NOSE AND 29 00:02:12,732 --> 00:02:13,666 ROTATE IT FIVE TIMES! THIS HAS BEEN A LONG TIME 30 00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:17,837 COMING. I WISH YOU COULD SEE THE SMILES 31 00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:19,172 ON THE FACES IN MY AUDIENCE. AND I WISH I COULD, TOO. 32 00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:23,209 BECAUSE THEY'RE STILL WEARING MASKS. 33 00:02:23,276 --> 00:02:27,714 THE END IS NEAR, THE END IS NEAR! 34 00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:29,883 THIS IS A HUGE MOMENT, AFTER ALL THE COVID WE'VE BEEN THROUGH-- 35 00:02:29,949 --> 00:02:39,959 THE DELTA VARIANT, OMICRON, OMICRON BA-2, XBB.1.5, Z-95, 36 00:02:40,026 --> 00:02:45,598 THE HOME OF CLASSIC ROCK. FOR THE RECORD, THE WHITE HOUSE 37 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:46,833 ISN'T SAYING COVID IS GONE. JUST THAT WE'RE PAST THE WORST 38 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:53,973 OF IT, AND WE CAN NOW TREAT THE VIRUS AS "AN ENDEMIC THREAT TO 39 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:56,776 PUBLIC HEALTH THAT CAN BE MANAGED." 40 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,512 SO, COVID'S NO LONGER AN EMERGENCY, JUST A DISEASE WE'RE 41 00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:06,286 ALL GOING TO LIVE WITH FOREVER. PHEW? 42 00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:08,988 OH, SPEAKING OF THINGS THAT WON'T GO WAY. 43 00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:16,996 WE'VE GOT AN UPDATE ON NEW YORK CONGRESSMAN GEORGE 44 00:03:17,063 --> 00:03:18,431 SANTOS, SEEN HERE AFTER TAKING A LATTE THAT WAS CLEARLY MARKED 45 00:03:18,498 --> 00:03:22,602 "SUSAN." (LAUGHTER) 46 00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:27,540 >> Stephen: TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN. 47 00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:30,243 LOOKS LIKE SANTOS MAY BE MEETING SOME CONSTITUENTS. 48 00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:33,613 MEETING YESTERDAY WITH KEVIN MCCARTHY, TODAY SANTOS ANNOUNCED 49 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:34,814 HE IS STEPPING DOWN FROM HIS COMMITTEE ASSIGNMENTS: THE 50 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:38,985 COMMITTEE ON SMALL BUSINESS AND THE COMMITTEE ON SCIENCE, 51 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:43,222 SPACE, AND TECHNOLOGY. OKAY, NOW THEY WON'T BENEFIT 52 00:03:43,289 --> 00:03:46,559 FROM HIS EXPERTISE! AFTER ALL, SANTOS WAS THE FIRST 53 00:03:46,626 --> 00:03:56,936 DOG IN SPACE. WE'RE ALSO LEARNING ABOUT 54 00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:58,137 SANTOS'S DISTRICT OFFICE IN QUEENS. 55 00:03:58,204 --> 00:03:59,606 REPORTERS WENT THERE THIS WEEK AND FOUND THAT THE AWNING IS 56 00:03:59,672 --> 00:04:03,042 STILL LABELED FOR THE PREVIOUS CONGRESSMAN, THOMAS R. SUOZZI. 57 00:04:03,109 --> 00:04:06,479 SO, EVEN HIS OFFICE HAS AN ALIAS. 58 00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:10,183 FUN FACT: BEFORE IT WAS THE PREVIOUS CONGRESSMAN'S OFFICE, 59 00:04:10,249 --> 00:04:15,688 THE SPACE WAS A MASSAGE PARLOR THAT NEIGHBORS WORRIED SOLD MORE 60 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:19,325 THAN JUST FOOT RUBS. (LAUGHTER) 61 00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:20,827 >> Stephen: SO ONCE AGAIN. SANTOS HAS BROUGHT 62 00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:22,061 GREAT SHAME-- THIS TIME TO A FORMER MASSAGE PARLOR. 63 00:04:22,128 --> 00:04:26,366 BECAUSE UNLIKE HIS CONSTITUENTS, AT LEAST THE PEOPLE WHO WENT 64 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:31,304 THERE GOT A HAPPY ENDING. (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 65 00:04:31,371 --> 00:04:36,209 >> Stephen: HAPPY ENDING, YES! 66 00:04:36,275 --> 00:04:41,848 THERE IS SOME REAL CONGRESSIONAL BUSINESS GOING ON AT THE OFFICE. 67 00:04:41,914 --> 00:04:43,549 IN FACT, RECENTLY, ONE OF SANTOS'S CONSTITUENTS HAD CALLED 68 00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:45,451 IN SEARCH OF A COLLEGE RECOMMENDATION FOR HIS SON. 69 00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:48,287 SANTOS IS FAMOUS FOR HIS COLLEGE RECOMMENDATION: 70 00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:55,795 DON'T GO, AND SAY YOU DID. OH HERE'S A LITTLE BIT OF GOOD 71 00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:58,831 NEWS. MANHATTAN PROSECUTORS HAVE 72 00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:00,633 STARTED PRESENTING A CASE AGAINST THE FORMER PRESIDENT TO 73 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:01,601 A GRAND JURY. SPECIFICALLY, THE STORMY DANIELS 74 00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:06,139 HUSH MONEY CASE. (APPLAUSE) 75 00:05:06,205 --> 00:05:07,540 >> Stephen: AWW, SHUCKY DUCKY. 76 00:05:07,607 --> 00:05:12,412 STORMY DANIELS IS BACK, BABY! IT'S 2018 ALL OVER AGAIN. 77 00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:17,283 EVERYBODY GET HORNY FOR SALT BAE AND WHAT ELSE HAPPENED? 78 00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:21,320 TIDE PODS! FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T 79 00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:26,192 REMEMBER THE STORMY DANIELS SCANDAL, GATHER YE ROUND, AND 80 00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:30,329 I WILL TELL THEE A TALE OF WOE AND WHOA. 81 00:05:30,396 --> 00:05:32,231 ALLEGEDLY, DANIELS DEFINITELY HAD SEX WITH THE FORMER 82 00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:37,003 PRESIDENT AFTER A CELEBRITY GOLF TOURNAMENT IN 2006. 83 00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:41,941 DANIELS SAYS THAT DURING THEIR ENCOUNTER OF SEXING, 84 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,676 THEN-"APPRENTICE" HOST ASKED HER TO SPANK HIM WITH HIS OWN 85 00:05:43,743 --> 00:05:48,281 MAGAZINE, THAT HAD A PICTURE OF HIS FACE ON IT. 86 00:05:48,347 --> 00:05:50,083 NOW, IF YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE IMAGINING THAT, IT'S ALL 87 00:05:50,149 --> 00:06:05,031 CHRONICLED IN THE MOVIE, "50 SHADES OF (VOMIT SOUND)." 88 00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:06,032 CHRONICLED IN THE MOVIE, "50 SHADES OF (VOMIT SOUND)." 89 00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,034 [APPLAUSE] >> Stephen: STORMY DID NOT 90 00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,636 GIVE THE FORMER PRESIDENT A FIVE STAR REVIEW. 91 00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:12,371 SAYING "IT MAY HAVE BEEN THE LEAST IMPRESSIVE SEX 92 00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:14,907 I'D EVER HAD," AND SAID THE FORMER PRESIDENT HAD A MALE 93 00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:19,212 MEMBER LIKE THE MUSHROOM CHARACTER IN "MARIO KART." 94 00:06:19,278 --> 00:06:20,179 I BELIEVE WE HAVE A STATEMENT FROM HIS PENIS? 95 00:06:20,246 --> 00:06:33,726 >> KILL ME! >> STEPHEN: NOW, NONE OF THAT IS 96 00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:34,927 A CRIME. BUT, THIS IS. 97 00:06:34,994 --> 00:06:39,532 IN THE RUN-UP TO THE 2016 ELECTION, THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S 98 00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:43,169 LAWYER, MICHAEL COHEN, PAID STORMY DANIELS A $130,000 HUSH 99 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:47,406 AGREEMENT TO NOT DISCUSS THEIR ALLEGED AFFAIR. 100 00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:50,109 AFFAIR, REALLY? ISN'T "AFFAIR" KIND OF A FANCY 101 00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:51,244 WORD FOR A THREE-MINUTE SPANK N' BOINK? 102 00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:55,748 IT'S KIND OF LIKE CALLING A METH LAB, "MAISON DU CRANK." 103 00:06:55,815 --> 00:07:03,556 THEN, THE FORMER PRESIDENT, WHO WAS A CANDIDATE FOR FEDERAL 104 00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:06,926 OFFICE, RECORDED THE PAYMENT AS "LEGAL FEES." 105 00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:12,198 THAT IS, TO USE TECHNICAL LEGAL JARGON, ILLEGAL. 106 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,100 IN NEW YORK, IT'S CALLED FRAUD, SO IF THE JURY INDICTS, HE COULD 107 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:22,775 FACE UP TO FOUR YEARS IN PRISON. (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 108 00:07:22,842 --> 00:07:27,880 >> Stephen: I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY THIS ABOUT THAT MAN 109 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,416 BUT -- FOUR MORE YEARS! 110 00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:34,720 FOUR MORE YEARS! FOUR MORE YEARS! 111 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:38,591 (APPLAUSE) >> Stephen: THE FORMER 112 00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:42,361 PRESIDENT IS ON THE DEFENSE, TRUTHING LAST NIGHT, 113 00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:44,030 "THE RADICAL-LEFT MANHATTAN D.A. JUST LEAKED THAT THEY ARE STILL 114 00:07:44,096 --> 00:07:48,401 GOING AFTER THE STORMY 'HORSEFACE' DANIELS BULL. 115 00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:49,669 THEY LONG AGO MISSED THE STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS. 116 00:07:49,735 --> 00:07:51,437 NEVER HAD AN AFFAIR! THIS IS OLD NEWS!" 117 00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:55,875 THAT'S A BIT OF A SCATTERSHOT DEFENSE. 118 00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:57,677 "I'M INNOCENT! PLUS, I COMMITTED THAT CRIME 119 00:07:57,743 --> 00:08:02,181 YEARS AGO, IT DIDN'T HAPPEN, AND YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME!" 120 00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:04,650 HERE'S SOMETHING EVERYBODY LIKES TO TALK ABOUT. 121 00:08:04,717 --> 00:08:10,823 MONKEYS, THEY LOOK AMAZINGLY LIKE US IN A VEST AND OTINY HAT. 122 00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:14,794 THERE'S A WHOLE LOT GOING ON, I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN MY 123 00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:29,775 NEW SEGMENT, STEPHEN COLBERT'S MONKEY MYSTERIES. 124 00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:34,914 >> STEPHEN COLBERT'S: MONKEY MYSTERIES! 125 00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:36,249 >> EEEEHH-EEEH-AHH-AHH! >> STEPHEN: THE FIRST MONKEY 126 00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:37,516 MYSTERY COMES FROM TEXAS, WHERE THE DALLAS ZOO BELIEVES TWO OF 127 00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:43,289 ITS MONKEYS WERE STOLEN. LET'S SEE THESE MISSING MONKEYS. 128 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,825 HOLY LORAX! FINALLY PROOF THAT WILFORD 129 00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:57,303 BRIMLEY EVOLVED FROM AN APE! (APPLAUSE) 130 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,538 BUT THESE MISSING MONKEYS ARE MERELY THE TIP OF THE DALLAS ZOO 131 00:08:59,605 --> 00:09:01,807 MYSTERY-BERG, BECAUSE EARLIER THIS MONTH, A YOUNG CLOUDED 132 00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:07,413 LEOPARD ESCAPED FROM ITS EXHIBIT THROUGH A CUT-OUT HOLE. 133 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,449 FORTUNATELY, ZOO OFFICIALS ANNOUNCED THAT THE LEOPARD WAS 134 00:09:10,516 --> 00:09:14,186 SPOTTED. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 135 00:09:14,253 --> 00:09:19,025 THANK YOU, JOSEPH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 136 00:09:19,091 --> 00:09:22,929 THAT JOKE FROM LITTLE RICHIE DOM AGE 8. 137 00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:27,033 THANK YOU RICH EVA. OUR NEXT CASE IN OUR MAGICAL 138 00:09:27,099 --> 00:09:30,269 MONKEY MYSTERY TOUR COMES FROM LOUISIANA, WHERE POLICE ARE 139 00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:31,671 LOOKING FOR 12 SQUIRREL MONKEYS STOLEN FROM A LOCAL ZOO. 140 00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:36,442 NO! 12 MONKEYS?! 141 00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:38,377 THIS IS JUST LIKE THAT MOVIE: "101 DALMATIANS!" 142 00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:43,182 IF THE MONKEYS WERE DOGS, AND THERE WERE 89 MORE MONKEYS! 143 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:46,452 AUTHORITIES ARE OVERWHELMED. HERE'S THE LOCAL POLICE CHIEF: 144 00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:50,356 >> ABOUT 32 YEARS IN LAW ENFORCEMENT, HADN'T REALLY 145 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,325 INVESTIGATED THE THEFT OF SQUIRREL MONKEYS. 146 00:09:52,391 --> 00:09:54,393 BUT WE'RE GOING TO CONTINUE INVESTIGATING, JUST LIKE ANY 147 00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:56,929 OTHER CRIME THAT HAS TAKEN PLACE. 148 00:09:56,996 --> 00:09:58,864 >> STEPHEN: WHICH RAISES THE QUESTION: HOW DOES THIS GUY 149 00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:02,301 INVESTIGATE ANY OTHER CRIME THAT HAS TAKEN PLACE? 150 00:10:02,368 --> 00:10:04,737 "SOMEONE'S ROBBED THE BANK! QUICK, CHECK THE TREE TOPS! 151 00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:09,608 AND LOCK DOWN THE BANANAS!" NOW, POLICE ARE ASKING LOCALS 152 00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:12,244 FOR HELP FINDING THE 12 MISSING MONKEYS, SAYING, "IF YOU HEAR 153 00:10:12,311 --> 00:10:15,181 ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS, SUCH AS WITHIN A NEIGHBOR'S HOME OR 154 00:10:15,247 --> 00:10:19,552 NOISES THAT ARE OUT OF THE NORM, LET LAW ENFORCEMENT KNOW." 155 00:10:19,618 --> 00:10:21,988 I'M SAYING: THAT COULD LEAD TO SOME STRANGE PHONE CALLS. 156 00:10:22,054 --> 00:10:23,456 "HI, 911? I'M LOOKING AT MY NEIGHBOR'S 157 00:10:23,522 --> 00:10:24,790 HOUSE, AND I THINK I JUST SAW 12 LITTLE MONKEYS. 158 00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:30,363 JUMPING ON THE BED. ONE FELL DOWN AND BUMPED HIS 159 00:10:30,429 --> 00:10:33,499 HEAD. NOW IT'S JUST 11 LITTLE MONKEYS 160 00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:34,400 ON THE BED. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 161 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,701 TONIGHT! MY GUESTS ARE JESSICA CHASTAIN, 162 00:10:35,768 --> 00:10:39,739 AND THE AUTHOR OF "8 RULES OF LOVE," JAY SHETTY. 163 00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:42,375 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!" 164 00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:55,888 NO MORE MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED! 165 00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:57,256 >> THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN 166 00:10:57,323 --> 00:11:01,627 COLBERT, SPONSORED BY. 167 00:11:16,742 --> 00:11:17,743 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> STEPHEN: HEY, EVERYBODY! 168 00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:24,583 GIVE IT UP FOR THE LATE SHOW BAND! 169 00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:27,353 UH-HUH, UH-HUH. LOUIS. 170 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:36,195 >> STEPHEN. >> Stephen: LOUIS, WE HAVE 171 00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:38,164 JESSICA CHASTAIN SHE'S ON BROADWAY. 172 00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:44,770 SHE'S ON BROADWAY AT A DOLL'S HOUSE DOING IBSEN'S DOLL'S HOUSE 173 00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:53,279 AND THEN WE HAVE AUTHOR OF APRIL OF LOVE, JAY SHETTY. 174 00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:56,849 A FORMER MONK. OH FOR EVERYBODY OUT THERE WHO 175 00:11:56,916 --> 00:12:02,221 DID NOT KNOW, WAS IT LAST WEEK, TWO WEEKS AGO, SOMETHING, LAST 176 00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:09,161 WEEK TOM HANKS WAS OVER HERE AND WE DID A GAME BEES SOMETIMES DO, 177 00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:13,933 CALLED MAYBE COMING SOON, MY GRAPHICS DEPARTMENT HAS MADE UP 178 00:12:13,999 --> 00:12:18,504 THE POSTERS FOR THOSE, THOSE MOVIES AND TOM AND I SIGNED ALL 179 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:24,777 OF THE POSTERS FOR THAT BIT OVER HERE AND THESE POSTERS, LET ME 180 00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:30,716 GET THIS RIGHT, THESE ARE ALL ON AUCTION RIGHT NOW ON eBAY, GO 181 00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:39,225 TO THAT SPOT, OR GO TO COL BETTERLATESHOW.COM/eBAY, TO 182 00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:49,168 BID ON THOSE POSTERS, GO GET 'EM, Y'ALL, IT'S ONE OF A KIND. 183 00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:56,208 (APPLAUSE) >> I'D BID ON THAT! 184 00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:59,111 >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT. FOLKS, IF YOU WATCHED THE SHOW 185 00:12:59,178 --> 00:13:02,448 YOU KNOW I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME RIGHT OVER THERE, PICKING 186 00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:04,383 THROUGH THE DAY'S BIGGEST NEWS STORIES, THEN COILING THEM 187 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,652 INSIDE HAND-SEWN COTTON AND SURROUNDING THEM IN TEN LAYERS 188 00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:12,558 OF HORSETAIL FIBERS, TALALAY LATEX, AND JOMA WOOL TO PRESENT 189 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,560 YOU WITH THE KLUFT PALAIS ROYAL MATTRESS THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 190 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,730 BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, FOLKS, JUST SOMETIMES, I STUMBLE 191 00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:19,932 THROUGH A CONSTRUCTION SITE WHILE ON THE RUN AFTER SNITCHING 192 00:13:19,999 --> 00:13:24,570 ON THE TRIADS, RIP THE PLASTIC OFF A PILE OF BRICKS, FILL IT 193 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,972 WITH ROOFING NAILS AND JOINERY STAPLES, THEN CHUCK SOME 194 00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:29,508 FIBERGLASS INSULATION OVER IT AND COLLAPSE ONTO THE 195 00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:33,512 DILAPIDATED BOX SPRING OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: 196 00:13:33,579 --> 00:13:38,250 "MEANWHILE!" (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 197 00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:42,888 >> Stephen: THERE IT IS, THERE IS, BING! 198 00:13:42,955 --> 00:13:45,925 BING! AND BOOM! 199 00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:48,627 MEANWHILE, THERE'S NEWS ABOUT FIREBALL, THE LIQUOR THAT 200 00:13:48,694 --> 00:13:50,596 ANSWERS THE QUESTION, "WHAT IF BIG RED GUM COULD (BLEEP) YOU 201 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:53,232 UP?" CONSUMERS ARE SUING THE MAKERS 202 00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:56,535 OF FIREBALL WHISKEY, BECAUSE THERE IS NO WHISKEY IN THE 203 00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:59,772 MINI-BOTTLES OF FIREBALL SOLD IN GAS STATIONS. 204 00:13:59,838 --> 00:14:03,742 WHAT?! BUT THIS REVELATION DESTROYS THE 205 00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:07,713 REPUTATION OF GROCERIES I BUY AT GAS STATIONS. 206 00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:12,451 NEXT, YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME THAT SLIM JIMS CONTAIN NO JIM. 207 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:16,855 BUT THE COMPANY HAS A DEFENSE: THEY ACTUALLY PRODUCE TWO BLENDS 208 00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:18,390 OF TECHNICALLY-BEVERAGE: "FIREBALL CINNAMON WHISKY," 209 00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:21,393 AND THE ONE THEY SELL IN GAS STATIONS, A MALT LIQUOR 210 00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:25,097 PRODUCT WHICH IS JUST CALLED "FIREBALL CINNAMON." 211 00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:27,733 JUST "FIREBALL CINNAMON?" NEVER GOOD WHEN THE LABEL 212 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,235 DOESN'T CLARIFY WHAT YOU'RE CONSUMING. 213 00:14:29,301 --> 00:14:32,538 IT'S LIKE WHEN POST CEREAL STARTED SELLING "HONEY BUNCHES 214 00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:37,209 OF WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW?" MEANWHILE, IN LOS ANGELES 215 00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:48,254 AN ADULT STORE SHOPPER TRIED TO STEAL A 30-INCH DILDO. 216 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:53,058 30 INCHES?! SO... 217 00:14:53,125 --> 00:15:02,001 ABOUT AVERAGE. (APPLAUSE) 218 00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:09,108 MEANWHILE, ORGANIZATION EXPERT MARIE KONDO HAS ADMITTED THAT 219 00:15:09,174 --> 00:15:11,477 SHE'S "KIND OF GIVEN UP" ON TIDYING UP AFTER HAVING THREE 220 00:15:11,543 --> 00:15:17,483 KIDS. OH, I AM KEEPING THIS STORY. 221 00:15:17,549 --> 00:15:26,225 IT SPARKS JOY. (APPLAUSE) 222 00:15:26,292 --> 00:15:30,262 MEANWHILE, NEWS FROM A LITTLE PLACE I LIKE TO CALL "COLORADO," 223 00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:32,598 WHERE "A DIVA BEAR CAN'T STOP TAKING SELFIES ON A WILDLIFE 224 00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:36,435 CAM." YASS, BEAR! 225 00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:38,437 WITH A JAWLINE LIKE THAT, CAN YOU BLAME IT? 226 00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:42,041 IT'S GIVING COY, IT'S GIVING SMIZE, IT'S GIVING "HEY, IS THAT 227 00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:47,179 A CHUBBY BOY SCOUT?" OVERALL, THE BEAR HAS RETURNED 228 00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:49,882 TO THE SAME MOTION-ACTIVATED WILDLIFE CAM TO TAKE OVER 229 00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:56,221 400 BEAR SELFIES. IT'S IMPRESSIVE. 230 00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:58,924 VERY IMPRESSIVE. (APPLAUSE) 231 00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:01,060 IT'S A PHOTOGRAPHY TECHNIQUE KNOWN AS "YOUR AUNT TRYING TO 232 00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:06,498 FIGURE OUT HER IPAD." MEANWHILE, A BURGER CHAIN IS 233 00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:09,902 SWITCHING TO COCA-COLA, AND PEPSI FANS ARE FURIOUS. 234 00:16:09,968 --> 00:16:15,174 THAT IS CRAZY. WHAT IS A "PEPSI-FAN"? 235 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:18,477 THE SWITCH COMES FROM WISCONSIN-BASED BURGER CHAIN 236 00:16:18,544 --> 00:16:22,481 CULVER'S, BEST KNOWN FOR ITS CHEESE CURDS, THE INFAMOUS BACON 237 00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:26,985 DELUXE, AND SOMETHING CALLED THE BUTTER BURGER. 238 00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:30,122 YOU KNOW THEIR MOTTO: CULVER'S? 239 00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:30,956 "SIR? SIR? 240 00:16:31,023 --> 00:16:36,061 OH, GOD! IS ANYONE HERE A DOCTOR?" 241 00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:41,400 SOMETHING, SOMETHING. (APPLAUSE) 242 00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:44,436 MEANWHILE, JAMES DOLAN, THE OWNER OF THE NEW YORK KNICKS, 243 00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,872 HAS COME UNDER FIRE RECENTLY FOR USING FACIAL RECOGNITION 244 00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:50,109 SOFTWARE TO PREVENT LAWYERS WHO ARE CURRENTLY SUING HIS 245 00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:53,011 COMPANY FROM ENTERING MADISON SQUARE GARDEN. 246 00:16:53,078 --> 00:16:54,813 THAT'S SO PETTY. BUT THAT'S JUST ONE OF THE 247 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,516 PROBLEMS WITH THAT VENUE. WHAT ABOUT THE NAME? 248 00:16:57,583 --> 00:17:01,954 "MADISON SQUARE GARDEN?" IT'S NONE OF THOSE THINGS! 249 00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:05,991 IT SHOULD BE CALLED "8TH AVENUE-CIRCULAR-BASKETBALL-DOG 250 00:17:06,058 --> 00:17:11,997 SHOW-HUT WITH TRAIN BELOW!" THE NEW YORK ATTORNEY GENERAL IS 251 00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:14,166 TRYING TO CRACK DOWN ON DOLAN, AND THEY'VE THREATENED TO 252 00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:16,101 WITHHOLD M.S.G.'S LIQUOR LICENSE. 253 00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:18,937 WELL, IN RESPONSE, JAMES DOLAN HAS THREATENED TO NOT SERVE 254 00:17:19,004 --> 00:17:21,407 ALCOHOL AT AN UPCOMING RANGERS GAME. 255 00:17:21,473 --> 00:17:24,576 EVEN WORSE, DOLAN HAS THREATENED TO SERVE MORE ALCOHOL AT BILLY 256 00:17:24,643 --> 00:17:31,617 JOEL CONCERTS. (DRUNK SINGING) 257 00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:36,588 SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING MARYLAND MOON ROOF ♪ ♪ ♪ LAND 258 00:17:36,655 --> 00:17:46,832 MARRY BERNSTEIN, MEANWHILE, A CALIFORNIA WOMAN WHO, AT 115, IS 259 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,434 NOW THE WORLD'S OLDEST PERSON, SAYS THE KEY TO LONGEVITY IS TO 260 00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:56,608 "STAY AWAY FROM TOXIC PEOPLE." ADDING, "DRINK A LOT OF WATER, 261 00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:59,778 TAKE LONG WALKS, AND CUT TRIFLING (BLEEP) OUT OF YOUR 262 00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:06,485 POSSE." (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 263 00:18:06,552 --> 00:18:07,953 >> Stephen: LOUIS YOU KNOW THAT. 264 00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:10,622 >> AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT. 265 00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:13,325 >> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT. MEANWHILE, IN TRANSPORTATION 266 00:18:13,392 --> 00:18:14,560 NEWS, A TEXAS D.M.V. REJECTED A VEGAN LICENSE PLATE. 267 00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:16,562 APPARENTLY, THE VANITY PLATE WAS FLAGGED FOR A VULGAR PHRASE, 268 00:18:16,628 --> 00:18:23,135 BECAUSE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY "LOVE TOFU," BUT IT LOOKED LIKE 269 00:18:23,202 --> 00:18:29,508 "LOVE TO F.U." (LAUGHTER) 270 00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:35,314 (APPLAUSE) >> Stephen: IT'S AN EASY 271 00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:37,549 MISTAKE. IF YOU WANT TO SHOW OFF YOUR 272 00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:39,084 LOVE OF VEGAN FOOD WITHOUT ANY SEXUAL INNUENDO, I SUGGEST 273 00:18:39,151 --> 00:18:40,953 "YUMNUTS." WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JESSICA 274 00:18:41,019 --> 00:18:45,524 CHASTAIN. ♪ ♪ ♪ 275 00:19:02,608 --> 00:19:08,347 WELCOME BACK. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW 276 00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:14,019 MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT AS AN ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR AND 277 00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:15,354 PRODUCER, WHO HAS STARRED IN "THE EYES OF TAMMY FAYE," "ZERO 278 00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:17,823 DARK THIRTY," AND "THE HELP." SHE'S NOW RETURNING TO BROADWAY 279 00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:19,725 IN "A DOLL'S HOUSE." PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE 280 00:19:19,791 --> 00:19:34,673 SHOW," JESSICA CHASTAIN. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 281 00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:36,441 SHOW," JESSICA CHASTAIN. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 282 00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:43,282 >> WOW AM WHAT AN AUDIENCE! HI EVERYBODY. 283 00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:48,387 MY VOICE IS, I WAS SAYING IT'S VERY KATHLEEN TURNER THIS 284 00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:51,423 EVENING, VERY LOW. >> Stephen: WELL, WE'LL JUST 285 00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:54,993 TAKE IT EASY AND SLOW. THERE'S NO NEED TO YELL, WE HAVE 286 00:19:55,060 --> 00:19:57,896 MICROPHONES. >> I WAS SO MOVED BY YOUR 287 00:19:57,963 --> 00:20:02,134 ENTHUSIASM OF YOUR AUDIENCE, VERY SWEET! 288 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:05,904 (APPLAUSE) >> Stephen: NOW, IT'S MARCH 289 00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:11,276 WILL BE A YEAR SINCE YOU WON YOUR ACADEMY AWARD FOR "THE ICE 290 00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:15,747 OF TAMMY FAE." BUT LONG BEFORE THAT YOUR 291 00:20:15,814 --> 00:20:23,188 CREDITS WERE LAW AND ORDER, ER GUEST RESPONDS AND WE KNOW THAT 292 00:20:23,255 --> 00:20:29,161 WE FOUND AN OLD RESUME OF YOURS. FIRST OF ALL I LOVE THAT PHOTO 293 00:20:29,227 --> 00:20:33,565 OF YOURS, WHAT ARE YOU 25 OR SO? IS. 294 00:20:33,632 --> 00:20:39,104 >> BEFORE I REALIZED I COULD YOU PUT MAKEUP ON MY EYEBROWS. 295 00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:41,373 >> Stephen: YOU DON'T LOOK SURPRISED ALL THE TIME. 296 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,076 I WANT TO FACT-CHECK SOME OF THESE. 297 00:20:44,142 --> 00:20:48,080 BECAUSE I WAS A YOUNG ACTOR AND I PUT ALL KINDS OF STUFF ON MY 298 00:20:48,146 --> 00:20:49,481 RESUME. >> ALL RIGHT. 299 00:20:49,548 --> 00:20:53,118 >> Stephen: IT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE ALREADY, YOU'VE DONE 300 00:20:53,185 --> 00:21:01,493 SOME LOVELY WORK HERE BUT UNDER SPECIAL SKILLS, IRISH, STANDARD 301 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:11,870 BRITISH, SOPRANO, MISCELLANEOUS SKILLS, PATTY, SWIMMER. 302 00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:14,439 >> AVENUE TAR. 303 00:21:14,506 --> 00:21:21,346 AVATAR. >> NOT AN AVATAR. 304 00:21:21,413 --> 00:21:24,983 DOCTOR KICK BOXING? >> NO. 305 00:21:25,050 --> 00:21:27,519 >> Stephen: YOGA? >> I CAN DO YOGA. 306 00:21:27,586 --> 00:21:36,261 >> Stephen: IT SAYS WIGGLES, EARS AND NOSE. 307 00:21:36,328 --> 00:21:42,768 >> I'LL DO MY NOSE FIRST. OKAY? 308 00:21:42,834 --> 00:21:46,238 NO? ON BEE WITCHED. 309 00:21:46,304 --> 00:21:47,105 >> Stephen: NOT BAD, NOT BAD SAMANTHA. 310 00:21:47,172 --> 00:21:49,741 >> I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WIGGLE MY EARS. 311 00:21:49,808 --> 00:21:51,677 >> Stephen: I CAN WIGGLE THIS ONE. 312 00:21:51,743 --> 00:21:54,613 >> HOW ABOUT THAT ONE? >> Stephen: THIS ONE I CAN 313 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:57,916 ONLY DO THIS WITH. SEE THAT? 314 00:21:57,983 --> 00:22:01,153 >> LADIES LOVE IT. >> Stephen: THAT'S HOW I GOT 315 00:22:01,219 --> 00:22:07,693 THE GIRLS. I LIKE THIS ONE. 316 00:22:07,759 --> 00:22:10,128 ROLLER-SKATING. >> YEAH, WE ALL, DO YOU REMEMBER 317 00:22:10,195 --> 00:22:13,965 LIKE THE ROLLER KING? WHEN GROWING UP WERE YOU GOING 318 00:22:14,032 --> 00:22:16,334 TO THE ROLLER KING? >> Stephen: I WENT TO RED 319 00:22:16,401 --> 00:22:19,571 WING ROLLER WAY. >> SURE. 320 00:22:19,638 --> 00:22:22,874 I PUT THAT ON SKILL BECAUSE I'VE DONE IT BEFORE. 321 00:22:22,941 --> 00:22:27,279 >> Stephen: YOU PUT IT ON SKILL, HAVE ROLLER SKATED 322 00:22:27,345 --> 00:22:30,148 BEFORE. >> I PUT ROLLER SKATING SPECIAL 323 00:22:30,215 --> 00:22:36,188 SKILLS. ONE OF MY FIRST FILMS, JOLENE, I 324 00:22:36,254 --> 00:22:39,424 HAVE TO ROLLER SKATE. >> Stephen: IT'S ON THE 325 00:22:39,491 --> 00:22:41,860 THING. >> THEY HAD TO GET A DOUBLE FOR 326 00:22:41,927 --> 00:22:44,129 ME. THE VERY FIRST SHOT, IT'S NOT 327 00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:46,698 ME. WHEN YOU ACTUALLY SEE ME THEY 328 00:22:46,765 --> 00:22:51,970 PUSH ME AND I'M LIKE -- >> Stephen: REALLY? 329 00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:57,109 AYES AK NEWTON WAS IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT THAT WAS IT? 330 00:22:57,175 --> 00:23:00,712 >> THAT THAT'S MY ENTRANCE IN THE BIG SCREEN. 331 00:23:00,779 --> 00:23:05,117 >> Stephen: DID ANYBODY EVER ASK YOU TO WIGGLE YOUR EARS AND 332 00:23:05,183 --> 00:23:09,921 YOUR NOSE IN AUDITIONS? >> THAT WAS A CONVERSATION 333 00:23:09,988 --> 00:23:11,923 STARTER. >> Stephen: ONE OF THE FIRST 334 00:23:11,990 --> 00:23:15,894 THINGS THAT GOES, THERE YOU GO. BUT IT'S ALWAYS IMPORTANT, EVERY 335 00:23:15,961 --> 00:23:22,234 ACTOR LIES ON THEIR -- EVERY ACTOR LIES THAT'S LIKE A GIVEN 336 00:23:22,300 --> 00:23:26,071 THAT THEY'RE LYING ON THEIR RESUMES. 337 00:23:26,138 --> 00:23:34,079 MINE SAID, I CAN ACT. YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE BACK ON 338 00:23:34,146 --> 00:23:35,647 BROADWAY. TEN YEARS RIGHT? 339 00:23:35,714 --> 00:23:44,055 YOU WERE ON THE HARRIS TEN YEARS AGO. 340 00:23:44,122 --> 00:23:47,692 WHEN YOU WERE ANNOUNCING THE PLAY YOU SAID ON INSTAGRAM, NEW 341 00:23:47,759 --> 00:23:53,732 YORK IS THE CITY THAT FORMED ME. HOW DID IT FORM YOU JESSICA 342 00:23:53,799 --> 00:23:54,933 CHASTAIN? >> BIG QUESTION. 343 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,470 I'M THE FIRST PERSON TO GO TO COLLEGE IN MY FAMILY, I GOT 344 00:23:58,537 --> 00:24:00,572 ACCEPTED TO THE JULLIARD SCHOOL IN NEW YORK. 345 00:24:00,639 --> 00:24:04,409 FIRST PLACE, I LOVE THIS SCHOOL! (APPLAUSE) 346 00:24:04,476 --> 00:24:09,181 >> IT'S THE FIRST CITY I SAW A FOREIGN CINEMA IN THE MOVIE 347 00:24:09,247 --> 00:24:13,885 THEATER AND THESE MUSEUMS AND IT REALLY SHAPED ME AS A HUMAN 348 00:24:13,952 --> 00:24:18,390 BEING. >> Stephen: WERE YOU FROM A 349 00:24:18,456 --> 00:24:20,692 LITTLE TOWN? >> I WAS FROM NORTHERN 350 00:24:20,759 --> 00:24:24,930 CALIFORNIA. AND WE DIDN'T HAVE LIKE CINEMAS 351 00:24:24,996 --> 00:24:30,335 FOR, YOU KNOW, FOREIGN MOVIES. AND JULLIARD GAVE ME -- ROBIN 352 00:24:30,402 --> 00:24:34,206 WILLIAMS GAVE ME A SCHOLARSHIP AT JULLIARD. 353 00:24:34,272 --> 00:24:36,374 >> Stephen: ROBIN WILLIAMS? LOVELY. 354 00:24:36,441 --> 00:24:38,710 DID YOU GET A CHANCE TO THANK HIM PERSONALLY? 355 00:24:38,777 --> 00:24:41,379 >> I WROTE HIM A LETTER TO THANK HIM. 356 00:24:41,446 --> 00:24:46,251 WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO IT AT THE WEST END APRIL, 2020, AND THE 357 00:24:46,318 --> 00:24:50,522 PANDEMIC HIT, OBVIOUSLY LIFE, WORLD HAD OTHER PLANS AND I WAS 358 00:24:50,589 --> 00:24:54,125 WALKING AROUND NEW YORK AND TIMES SQUARE AND MISSING ALL 359 00:24:54,192 --> 00:24:57,896 THESE PEOPLE THAT HELPED CREATE ME IN SOME SENSE AND MY HEART 360 00:24:57,963 --> 00:25:02,634 WENT OUT TO THE CITY, IT'S LIKE I CAN'T LEAVE MY HOME. 361 00:25:02,701 --> 00:25:07,205 AND I CALLED JAMIE AND I SAID PLEASE CAN WE BRING IT TO NEW 362 00:25:07,272 --> 00:25:09,708 YORK. HE WAS HAPPY TO BRING IT HERE SO 363 00:25:09,774 --> 00:25:12,310 YEAH, THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE. (APPLAUSE) 364 00:25:12,377 --> 00:25:16,381 >> Stephen: WE'RE LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE IN AN OLD BROADWAY 365 00:25:16,448 --> 00:25:20,819 THEATER TO DO THE SHOW. IT'S A PRIVILEGE TO DO IT HERE. 366 00:25:20,886 --> 00:25:25,156 WHAT DOES BROADWAY MEAN TO YOU? >> I USED TO BE A KID, I'M GOING 367 00:25:25,223 --> 00:25:28,360 TO GET EMOTIONAL, FEELING VERY FRAGILE. 368 00:25:28,426 --> 00:25:30,262 BECAUSE OF MY VOICE. >> Stephen: PLEASE. 369 00:25:30,328 --> 00:25:36,167 >> I WOULD LIKE RECORD THE TONIES AND PLAY IT BACK ALL 370 00:25:36,234 --> 00:25:45,644 THROUGHOUT THE YEAR, I REMEMBER WATCHING WHEN RAY FIENES WON A 371 00:25:45,710 --> 00:25:50,115 TONY ON BROADWAY, I IMAGINED THE OTHER LIFE I WAS GOING TO HAVE. 372 00:25:50,181 --> 00:25:54,519 SO TO BE HERE IT FEELS LIKE IT SOUNDS CHIEZY BUT WHAT THAT 373 00:25:54,586 --> 00:25:59,090 LITTLE GIRL WAS IMAGINING IS NOW MANIFESTED. 374 00:25:59,157 --> 00:26:04,796 >> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU HAD A RITUAL YOU WOULD SAY TO 375 00:26:04,863 --> 00:26:15,240 YOURSELF BEFORE THE HEIR HE HEIRIST. 376 00:26:15,307 --> 00:26:20,078 >> I WOULD SAY JESSICA THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED, YOU CHOSE THIS. 377 00:26:20,145 --> 00:26:23,048 DON'T BE AFRAID OF IT, GO INTO IT. 378 00:26:23,114 --> 00:26:24,883 >> Stephen: THAT'S BEAUTIFUL, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. 379 00:26:24,950 --> 00:26:28,353 YOU CHOSE THIS. IT CHOSE YOU BACK. 380 00:26:28,420 --> 00:26:33,224 COME BY, MY WIFE LIKES TO SAY WHEN THINGS GET PARTICULARLY 381 00:26:33,291 --> 00:26:38,530 CRAZY IN MY CAREER, SHE SAYS, THE LIFE YOU ORDERED HAS 382 00:26:38,596 --> 00:26:46,404 ARRIVED. >> THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. 383 00:26:46,471 --> 00:26:48,373 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT WE'LL BE BACK 384 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,443 WITH MORE JESSICA CHASTAIN EVERYBODY, DON'T GO ANYWHERE. 385 00:26:59,317 --> 00:27:00,518 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY EVERYBODY 386 00:27:00,585 --> 00:27:04,456 WE'RE BACK HERE WITH THE STAR OF "A DOLL'S HOUSE" ON BROADWAY, 387 00:27:04,522 --> 00:27:15,700 JESSICA CHASTAIN. THE HUDSON IS WHERE THE TONIGHT 388 00:27:15,767 --> 00:27:19,037 SHOW STARTED. STEVE ALLEN STARTED ORIGINALLY 389 00:27:19,104 --> 00:27:24,075 IN THE HUDSON THEATER. >> IT'S AN AMAZING THEATER. 390 00:27:24,142 --> 00:27:27,779 >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU DO TO MAKE YOUR DRESSING ROOM YOURS? 391 00:27:27,846 --> 00:27:30,615 >> IT DEPENDS ON THE CHARACTER I'M PLAYING. 392 00:27:30,682 --> 00:27:36,788 THIS ONE THEY'RE PAINTING THE SAME COLOR AS THE SET, BECAUSE 393 00:27:36,855 --> 00:27:40,792 NORAH IS QUIET AND STUCK IN THE WORLD AND I WANT TO FEEL LIKE 394 00:27:40,859 --> 00:27:44,829 I'M IN THE WORLD ALREADY BUT I ALSO WANT TO BE INSPIRED BY THE 395 00:27:44,896 --> 00:27:49,234 WOMEN THAT HAVE COME BEFORE ME SO USUALLY I HAVE A LOT OF 396 00:27:49,300 --> 00:27:58,476 PHOTOGRAPHS OF ACTRESSES, ISABEL HU BERT AND VAN SA RED GRAIF, 397 00:27:58,543 --> 00:28:02,247 KATHERINE DENEUVE WHO I HAVE SADLY NOT YET HAD THE 398 00:28:02,313 --> 00:28:06,184 OPPORTUNITY TO WORK WITH, BUT THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY WOMEN 399 00:28:06,251 --> 00:28:09,754 WHO HAVE BEEN SO MONUMENTAL IN MY GROWTH AS A HUMAN BEING, 400 00:28:09,821 --> 00:28:13,591 LOOKING AT THEIR FACES IT MAKES ME PEOPLE LIKE I CAN DO MORE. 401 00:28:13,658 --> 00:28:16,361 SO THAT'S EXCITING TO SEE BEFORE I GO ON STAGE. 402 00:28:16,428 --> 00:28:20,799 >> Stephen: ANY SNACKS, ANY REFRESHMENTS YOU NEED? 403 00:28:20,865 --> 00:28:24,869 >> ALSO A FOOT MASSAGER. NOT A PERSON, EXACTLY. 404 00:28:24,936 --> 00:28:29,507 A MACHINE. I DEFINITELY HAVE A FOOT 405 00:28:29,574 --> 00:28:33,311 MASSAGER, HUMIDIFIER. BLANTON'S BOURBON. 406 00:28:33,378 --> 00:28:37,148 VERY SPECIFIC FOR THAT, HAS TO BE BLANTON'S. 407 00:28:37,215 --> 00:28:39,984 >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. >> HARD TO FIND SOMETIMES. 408 00:28:40,051 --> 00:28:42,487 >> Stephen: NOT IN MY OFFICE, IT'S NOT. 409 00:28:42,554 --> 00:28:50,328 NOW THIS PRODUCTION OF "A DOLL'S HOUSE" IS AN ADAPTATION OF THE 410 00:28:50,395 --> 00:28:56,534 19th CENTURY IBSEN PLAY. TO BE DIRECT ABOUT IT, NORAH IS 411 00:28:56,601 --> 00:29:00,205 TRAPPED WITH TORVAL. WHAT'S SO DIFFERENT ABOUT THAT? 412 00:29:00,271 --> 00:29:10,148 >> SO WONDERFUL ABOUT THIS ADAPTATION WRITTEN BY AMY 413 00:29:10,215 --> 00:29:15,887 HERZOG, JAMIE LLOYD IS THE REASON HE BROUGHT ME BACK TO THE 414 00:29:15,954 --> 00:29:18,256 THEATER. AS WE WERE LOOKING AT THE 415 00:29:18,323 --> 00:29:21,226 THEATER, YES SHE WAS TRAPPED WHEN THAT PLAY WAS WRITTEN. 416 00:29:21,292 --> 00:29:23,294 WHY ARE WE TELLING THE STORY NOW? 417 00:29:23,361 --> 00:29:28,066 HOW IN SOME SENSE IS NORAH TRAPPED IN SOCIETY AND HOW IS 418 00:29:28,133 --> 00:29:31,202 SHE PARTICIPATING IN HER ENTRAPMENT? 419 00:29:31,269 --> 00:29:37,142 HOW IS SHE BEHAVING IN A CERTAIN WAY TO GAIN POWER? 420 00:29:37,208 --> 00:29:42,280 AND IT'S A SCARY THING TO DECIDE LIKE OKAY, I'M GOING TO STOP 421 00:29:42,347 --> 00:29:46,451 BEHAVING IN THIS WAY, THAT YOU SEE VALUE IN, IN ORDER TO FIGURE 422 00:29:46,518 --> 00:29:53,491 OUT WHO I REALLY AM. AND I THINK THAT'S IMPORTANT FOR 423 00:29:53,558 --> 00:29:55,793 WOMEN EVEN TODAY. WHEN WE THINK ABOUT WHERE THE 424 00:29:55,860 --> 00:29:58,363 VALUE LIES. >> Stephen: SO DO YOU MEAN IN 425 00:29:58,429 --> 00:30:01,799 THIS CASE IS IT THE VALUE OR THE POWER OF HER POSITION AS THE 426 00:30:01,866 --> 00:30:08,640 WIFE OF TORVAL? >> YES, ALSO AS THIS HELPLESS 427 00:30:08,706 --> 00:30:11,910 SWEET CHILD LIKE LITTLE BIRD. I MEAN IF YOU LOOK AT THROUGHOUT 428 00:30:11,976 --> 00:30:16,781 EVEN IN OUR CINEMA, MARILYN MONROE, YOU THINK ABOUT ALL 429 00:30:16,848 --> 00:30:20,785 THESE INCREDIBLE WOMEN SOMETIMES HAVE HAD TO MAKE THEMSELVES 430 00:30:20,852 --> 00:30:24,489 SMALLER IN ORDER TO BE DESIRED OR VALUED. 431 00:30:24,556 --> 00:30:27,859 AND WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ACTUALLY SAY NO, I'M GOING TO 432 00:30:27,926 --> 00:30:33,565 USE MY FULL VOICE AND I'M GOING TO TAKE OFF THIS FACE. 433 00:30:33,631 --> 00:30:42,340 >> Stephen: PREVIEWS START THE WEEK OF VALENTINE'S DAY. 434 00:30:42,407 --> 00:30:46,611 IS IT A GOOD WAY? >> I THINK IT IS BECAUSE 435 00:30:46,678 --> 00:30:49,447 VALENTINE'S DAY I THINK HAS BEEN CO-OPTED BY PEOPLE WHO WANT TO 436 00:30:49,514 --> 00:30:52,083 SELL COPLE'S THINGS. I THINK VALENTINE'S DAY SHOULD 437 00:30:52,150 --> 00:30:55,887 BE MORE ABOUT LOVE. PEOPLE CELEBRATE THEIR 438 00:30:55,954 --> 00:30:59,424 FRIENDSHIPS AND WOMEN GIVE THEM TO THEIR CHILDREN AND YES TO OUR 439 00:30:59,490 --> 00:31:02,393 PARTNERS AS WELL. BUT IF WE CAN USE VALENTINE'S 440 00:31:02,460 --> 00:31:05,830 DAY AS SOMETHING LIKE SELF LOVE I THINK IT'S THE PERFECT 441 00:31:05,897 --> 00:31:09,567 VALENTINE'S DAY PLAY. >> Stephen: SOUNDS LOVELY. 442 00:31:09,634 --> 00:31:13,271 (APPLAUSE) >> Stephen: LOVELY TO SEE YOU 443 00:31:13,338 --> 00:31:17,909 AGAIN, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE JESSICA. 444 00:31:17,976 --> 00:31:19,510 PREVIEWS OF "A DOLL'S HOUSE" START FEBRUARY 13 AT THE HUDSON 445 00:31:19,577 --> 00:31:23,514 THEATER. JESSICA CHASTAIN, EVERYBODY. 446 00:31:23,581 --> 00:31:24,749 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH "NEW YORK TIMES" BEST-SELLING AUTHOR 447 00:31:24,816 --> 00:31:27,485 JAY SHETTY. 448 00:31:43,768 --> 00:31:46,237 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> STEPHEN: HEY, EVERYBODY. 449 00:31:46,304 --> 00:31:49,874 WELCOME BACK. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 450 00:31:49,941 --> 00:31:51,676 MY NEXT GUEST IS A FORMER MONK, A "NEW YORK TIMES" BEST-SELLING 451 00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:54,412 AUTHOR, AND THE HOST OF THE POPULAR PODCAST, "ON PURPOSE." 452 00:31:54,479 --> 00:32:00,118 HIS NEW BOOK IS "8 RULES OF LOVE: HOW TO FIND IT, KEEP IT, 453 00:32:00,184 --> 00:32:01,753 AND LET IT GO." PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE 454 00:32:01,819 --> 00:32:16,701 SHOW," JAY SHETTY. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 455 00:32:16,768 --> 00:32:17,835 SHOW," JAY SHETTY. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 456 00:32:17,902 --> 00:32:19,637 >> Stephen: NICE TO MEET YOU. >> NICE TO MEET YOU. 457 00:32:19,704 --> 00:32:20,505 THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. V. 458 00:32:20,571 --> 00:32:22,940 >> Stephen: VERY WELL-KNOWN PERSON NOW. 459 00:32:23,007 --> 00:32:26,711 YOU'RE A PODCASTER, A SOCIAL MEDIA SUPERSTAR. 460 00:32:26,778 --> 00:32:30,214 BUT YOU HAD A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT OCCUPATION NOT THAT LONG AGO. 461 00:32:30,281 --> 00:32:32,617 THIS WAS IT. YOU WERE A MONK. 462 00:32:32,684 --> 00:32:35,053 >> UH-HUH. >> Stephen: WELL, WHAT DID 463 00:32:35,119 --> 00:32:40,224 YOU DO? LIKE CATHOLIC MONKS MAKE CHEESE 464 00:32:40,291 --> 00:32:41,993 AND BRANDY. THEY PRAY A LOT. 465 00:32:42,060 --> 00:32:47,532 >> NO CHEESE, NO BRANDY. WE USED TO WORK UP AT 4 A.M., 466 00:32:47,598 --> 00:32:51,969 TAKE A COLD SHOWER, IMMEDIATE YOU TAKE IT, YOU WEAR TWO SETS 467 00:32:52,036 --> 00:32:57,942 OF CLOTHES, EVERYTHING YOU POSSESS FITS INSIDE A GYM 468 00:32:58,009 --> 00:33:00,111 LOCKER. >> Stephen: YOU SLEEP ON THEpF? 469 00:33:00,178 --> 00:33:08,386 >> A YOGA MAT. YOU LOSE YOUR IDEA OF HOW YOU 470 00:33:08,453 --> 00:33:09,520 LOOK. >> Stephen: YOU LOOK VERY 471 00:33:09,587 --> 00:33:12,890 HAPPY, I HAVE TO SAY. IT LOOK LIKE A HAPPY LIFESTYLE. 472 00:33:12,957 --> 00:33:15,727 HOW LONG WERE YOU A MONK? >> FOR THREE YEARS. 473 00:33:15,793 --> 00:33:21,132 IT WAS A SPECTACULAR EXPERIENCE, GETTING TO INVEST IN MY SELF FOR 474 00:33:21,199 --> 00:33:25,203 THREE YEARS IN A DEEP WAY HAS REALLY PAID DIVIDENDS. 475 00:33:25,269 --> 00:33:27,305 >> Stephen: ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO STAY FOREVER? 476 00:33:27,372 --> 00:33:31,743 >> I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO STAY FOREVER. 477 00:33:31,809 --> 00:33:34,412 LEAVING FOR ME WAS REALLY CHALLENGING. 478 00:33:34,479 --> 00:33:36,647 I MOVED BACK INTO MY PARENTS HOME. 479 00:33:36,714 --> 00:33:40,118 >> Stephen: WHICH IS HARDER MOVING INTO YOUR PARENTS HOME OR 480 00:33:40,184 --> 00:33:45,690 BEING A MONK? >> BEING A MONK. 481 00:33:45,757 --> 00:33:58,436 YOU ONLY GET TWO SETS OF CLOTHES AND IF YOU DON'T WASH EVERYONE 482 00:33:58,503 --> 00:33:59,737 KNOWS. >> Stephen: EIGHT RULES OF 483 00:33:59,804 --> 00:34:06,844 LOVE, I'M CURIOUS, BUT WHAT IS THE VALUE OF THIS ESTHETIC 484 00:34:06,911 --> 00:34:10,948 LIFESTYLE, I'M CURIOUS. >> BY 30 ODO THIS, BY 40 DO 485 00:34:11,015 --> 00:34:13,017 THIS, BY 50 DO THIS. >> Stephen: HOW MUCH STUFF DO 486 00:34:13,084 --> 00:34:16,387 YOU HAVE? >> BY THREE YEARS TO NOT WORRY 487 00:34:16,454 --> 00:34:23,361 ABOUT WORRIES OR EXPECTATIONS, TO BE ABLE TO HEAR MY INNER 488 00:34:23,428 --> 00:34:26,964 VOICE WAS A BEAUTIFUL PURSUIT. (APPLAUSE) 489 00:34:27,031 --> 00:34:30,802 >> Stephen: WHAT MOTIVATED YOU TO LEAVE? 490 00:34:30,868 --> 00:34:33,938 WHEN DID YOU SAY LIKE OKAY, I GOT WHAT I NEED OUT OF THIS OR 491 00:34:34,005 --> 00:34:36,808 THERE IS SOME OTHER CALLING FOR ME RIGHT NOW? 492 00:34:36,874 --> 00:34:40,511 >> I ALMOST THINK LIKE THE MONKS HAD A BREAKUP CONVERSATION WITH 493 00:34:40,578 --> 00:34:44,715 ME, IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME, THAT SORT OF CONVERSATION. 494 00:34:44,782 --> 00:34:49,053 THEY REALIZED I HAD THIS REBELLIOUS SPARK IN ME WHERE I 495 00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:54,592 WANTED TO DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY, SHARE THINGS IN MODERN 496 00:34:54,659 --> 00:34:57,762 ACCESSIBLE RELEVANT WAYS, WAYS THAT WOULD IMPACT A LOT OF 497 00:34:57,829 --> 00:35:01,933 PEOPLE AND I BELIEVE I CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT AFTER THREE 498 00:35:01,999 --> 00:35:04,769 YEARS I WASN'T A MONK. THAT WAS A BEAUTIFUL REVELATION 499 00:35:04,836 --> 00:35:08,840 TO ME. >> Stephen: AS I SAID BEFORE 500 00:35:08,906 --> 00:35:13,578 YOU'RE A STAR ON SOCIAL MEDIA, A STAR ON SOCIAL MEDIA COMES WITH 501 00:35:13,644 --> 00:35:15,913 A LOT OF LIKES. >> YES. 502 00:35:15,980 --> 00:35:19,283 >> Stephen: HOW DO YOU MAKE SURE THAT THAT ASPECT OF SOCIAL 503 00:35:19,350 --> 00:35:23,454 MEDIA DOESN'T CORRUPT YOU SPIRITUALLY, SO YOU'RE NOT 504 00:35:23,521 --> 00:35:31,028 WORRIED WHETHER PEOPLE LIKE YOU? >> YEAH WELL-BEING MARRIED 505 00:35:31,095 --> 00:35:34,665 HELPS. MY WIFE IS THE BEST HUMBLING AND 506 00:35:34,732 --> 00:35:38,803 GROUNDING FORCE IN MY LIFE. NO MATTER HOW MANY LIKES I GET. 507 00:35:38,870 --> 00:35:42,106 (APPLAUSE) >> NO MATTER HOW MANY LIKES I 508 00:35:42,173 --> 00:35:45,843 GET ON SOCIAL MEDIA MY WIFE'S MORE IMPRESSED IF I DID THE 509 00:35:45,910 --> 00:35:48,746 LAUNDRY CLEAN THE DISHES LIKE ORGANIZE THINGS AT HOME. 510 00:35:48,813 --> 00:35:51,048 SO THAT'S WHERE I GET THE POINTS AT HOME. 511 00:35:51,115 --> 00:35:53,618 THAT'S THE LIKES AT HOME. >> Stephen: YOU'VE JUST 512 00:35:53,684 --> 00:35:56,954 WRITTEN THIS NEW BOOK AS I SAID BEFORE, EIGHT RULES OF LOVE, HOW 513 00:35:57,021 --> 00:36:04,795 TO FIND IT KEEP IT AND LET IT GO. 514 00:36:04,862 --> 00:36:08,566 WHAT ASPECTS OF YOUR OWN LOVE LIFE, OF ANY FLAVOR, HAVE YOU 515 00:36:08,633 --> 00:36:11,636 LEARNED THE MOST? >> SO I WANT TO TELL YOU THIS 516 00:36:11,702 --> 00:36:14,038 STORY OF HOW I PROPOSED TO MY WIFE. 517 00:36:14,105 --> 00:36:16,941 >> Stephen: OKAY. >> AND SO WHAT I DID WAS, I'D 518 00:36:17,008 --> 00:36:21,045 LINED UP THIS EXTRAVAGANT BIG GESTURE OF LOVE. 519 00:36:21,112 --> 00:36:26,884 SO WE'RE WALKING DOWN THE BANK OF THE THAMES IN LONDON. 520 00:36:26,951 --> 00:36:34,325 THIS A CAPELLA GROUP SINGS, THIS BRUNO MARS SONG, AND I ASKED HER 521 00:36:34,392 --> 00:36:44,001 WILL YOU MARRY ME? SHE SAID YES. 522 00:36:44,068 --> 00:36:46,637 ANY TABLE, I HAD TO FIGHT FOR THAT TABLE. 523 00:36:46,704 --> 00:36:48,839 OUR DINNER CAME IN IT WAS COLD BECAUSE IT WAS FROM A RESTAURANT 524 00:36:48,906 --> 00:36:51,509 FAR AWAY. TRIED TO EAT WHAT WE COULD, IT 525 00:36:51,576 --> 00:36:54,378 WASN'T THAT GREAT. WE WALKED AND THE CORNER AND TO 526 00:36:54,445 --> 00:36:58,583 HER SURPRISE THERE WAS A WHITE HORSE DRAWN CARRIAGE READY TO 527 00:36:58,649 --> 00:37:01,452 TAKE US AROUND LONDON. WE JUMPED IN. 528 00:37:01,519 --> 00:37:05,489 SHE'S SHOUTING OUT SHE'S ENGAGED. 529 00:37:05,556 --> 00:37:10,695 I HAD ALREADY ASKED PERMISSION OF HER PARENTS OF COURSE, HER 530 00:37:10,761 --> 00:37:14,765 MOM AND DAD OPENED THE DOOR, ALL OF A SUDDEN THEIR EXCITEMENT 531 00:37:14,832 --> 00:37:17,868 TURNS TO FEAR AND THEY LOOK AT HER AND THEY SAY WHAT HAPPENED 532 00:37:17,935 --> 00:37:20,571 TO YOU, ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT DID HE DO? 533 00:37:20,638 --> 00:37:24,942 THAT WAS THE DAY THAT I REALIZED THAT MY WIFE WAS ALLERGIC TO 534 00:37:25,009 --> 00:37:29,146 HORSES. WHEN WE GOT BACK SHE WAS COVERED 535 00:37:29,213 --> 00:37:35,686 IN HIVES LIKE ALL OVER. EVERYTHING WAS ALL RIGHT, THE 536 00:37:35,753 --> 00:37:42,026 HIVES WENT AWAY, BUT I BUILT A PICTURE OF WHAT LOVE SHOULD BE, 537 00:37:42,093 --> 00:37:48,833 FROM PICTURES AND MOVIES, THE THING MY WIFE WOULD HAVE CARED 538 00:37:48,899 --> 00:37:51,602 ABOUT MOST WAS THE QUALITY OF THE FOOD AND I MESSED THAT UP. 539 00:37:51,669 --> 00:37:55,439 AND I DIDN'T REALIZE SHE DIDN'T NEED THAT HORSE DRAWN CARRIAGE. 540 00:37:55,506 --> 00:38:00,544 THAT PROPOSAL COULD HAVE BEEN ANYONE'S AND EVERYONE'S. 541 00:38:00,611 --> 00:38:05,850 THAT FROAM OF LOVE WE HAVE TO DEFINE IT FOR OURSELVES, IT'S SO 542 00:38:05,916 --> 00:38:07,118 SPECIFIC. (APPLAUSE) 543 00:38:07,184 --> 00:38:09,553 >> Stephen: YOU SAY HOW TO FIND IT HOW TO KEEP IT AND LET 544 00:38:09,620 --> 00:38:11,689 IT GO. WHEN DO WE LET IT GO? 545 00:38:11,756 --> 00:38:15,559 WHY WOULD WE LET IT GO? >> YEAH WELL I THINK A LOT OF 546 00:38:15,626 --> 00:38:20,398 PEOPLE OUT THERE HAVE BEEN MADE TO FEEL THAT WE'RE INQUAD AND 547 00:38:20,464 --> 00:38:24,502 UNWORTHY WHEN WE DON'T HAVE LOVE IN OUR LIFE ESPECIALLY ROMANTIC 548 00:38:24,568 --> 00:38:30,608 LOVE AND I FIND THAT WE SOMETIMES HAVE TO LET GO OF LOVE 549 00:38:30,675 --> 00:38:35,012 NATURALLY, WHEN SOMEONE WE LOVE LEVERS NATURALLY. 550 00:38:35,079 --> 00:38:39,850 OR WHEN IT NO LONGER HEMS US BE WHAT, IF WE FALL OUT OF LOVE 551 00:38:39,917 --> 00:38:44,889 WITH OURSELVES IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE ELSE, IT'S TIME TO GO. 552 00:38:44,955 --> 00:38:48,259 >> Stephen: YOU CAN'T BE THE PERSON YOU ARE MEANT TO BE TO BE 553 00:38:48,325 --> 00:38:58,169 WITH THAT PERSON. THESE ARE SCENARIOS OF SOME 554 00:38:58,235 --> 00:39:03,307 PEOPLE I KNOW OF AND I WANT TO GIVE SOME VICE IN -- ADVICE IN 555 00:39:03,374 --> 00:39:04,575 RELATIONSHIPS. I KNEW A COUPLE IN HIGH SCHOOL 556 00:39:04,642 --> 00:39:10,381 THEY HAD A SUMMER FLING, SUMMER LOVE, THEY WANTED TO BECOME MORE 557 00:39:10,448 --> 00:39:20,357 SERIOUS, HOW WOULD YOU HELP THEM GET TOGETHER LIKE RAMA LAMBA 558 00:39:20,424 --> 00:39:23,360 LAMB A. >> TELL ME MORE, TELL ME MORE. 559 00:39:23,427 --> 00:39:27,098 >> Stephen: DOES VERY A CAR? >> DOES VERY A CAR? 560 00:39:27,164 --> 00:39:30,034 >> Stephen: THE BOOK IS, EIGHT RULES OF LOVE, THE MAN IS 561 00:39:30,101 --> 00:39:34,105 JAY SHETTY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 562 00:39:54,258 --> 00:39:55,392 >> STEPHEN: HEY, EVERYBODY. THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 563 00:39:55,459 --> 00:39:56,494 TUNE IN TOMORROW, WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE HARRISON FORD. 564 00:39:56,560 --> 00:40:00,564 STICK AROUND FOR JAMES. GOOD NIGHT.