SISTER MARY: What have you decided about your address?
I had some very clear ideas about it.
You'll go to New York to investigate
the Kurtwell case.
My papacy won't let the harm done to even a single child
slip away into indifference.
You tell me about the irrelevant things
that you and the pope say to each other.
CARDINAL VOIELLO: If you refuse to tell me, I will reveal...
your serious problem.
Your job is to seduce the Holy Father.
We will take care of everything else.
Your parents left you at the orphanage,
saying they couldn't keep you anymore.
LENNY BELARDO: I search everywhere.
I pray everywhere.
But I don't see God.
Because I don't see my father, because I don't see my mother.
[TV static drones]
[bright tone]
[boats creaking, seagulls calling]
- [panting]
[boats creaking]
[tense music]
♪ ♪
[somber music]
♪ ♪
[siren wailing faintly]
[somber string music]
♪ ♪
- Where is He now? - He's angry.
And not with you or, for that matter, with me.
His anger keeps Him from viewing matters objectively.
And so, in protest, He's moved to a new place.
He's gone to the outskirts of town,
a filthy studio apartment
upstairs from a tire repair shop.
At night, God suffers from the heat.
He can't seem to sleep,
'cause He's come to the conclusion
there's nothing He can do about human beings.
He's decided He's lost the U.
Now it's up to you.
- The attentions that Your Holiness has been paying
to the wife of the commandant of the Swiss Guard
have not gone unnoticed.
According to vox populi,
it is believed that the Holy Father is conducting
an unseemly relationship with that woman.
- Monsignor Gutierrez was right.
In the Vatican, gossip is called calumny.
- Your Holiness,
what do you intend to do?
- Revolution, Tommaso.
I intend to start a revolution.
[sighs]
[machinery cranking and banging]
[seagulls calling]
[ship horn blares]
[smooth rock music]
♪ ♪
[sighs]
♪ ♪
[birds chirping]
[dove cooing]
[eerie whooshing]
- People say you're a saint.
People say...
you're a saint who performs miracles.
- [sighs]
- Hail Mary,
full of grace.
Our Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[labored breathing]
♪ ♪
- Bingo.
[camera shutter clicking rapidly]
- Now, Holy Father,
I no longer really know what miracle to wish for.
- "I no longer really know...
what miracle to wish for."
[camera shutter clicking rapidly]
- Esther...
I love God
because it's so painful to love human beings.
I love a God that never leaves me
or that always leaves me.
God, the absence of God...
Always reassuring
and definitive.
I'm a priest.
I renounced my fellow man,
my fellow woman,
because I don't want to suffer,
because I'm incapable
of withstanding the heartbreak of love,
because I'm unhappy,
like all priests.
[bells tolling faintly]
♪ ♪
It would be wonderful to love you
the way you want to be loved.
But that's not possible.
Because I'm not a man.
I'm a coward.
- "I am a coward.
Like all priests."
[camera shutter clicking]
- [speaking Italian]
[bells tolling faintly]
[Plaid's "Missing"]
[laid-back guitar music]
♪ ♪
[woman vocalizing]
♪ ♪
[man and woman singing indistinctly]
♪ ♪
[music stops]
[thunder rumbling]
- Watch out for the custodian.
[insects chittering, birds chirping]
[melancholy piano music]
♪ ♪
- Are you up for going on?
- I am. What about you?
- Sister Mary will be upset.
- I don't care. I want to find my mom and dad.
- I'm going back.
I'm sorry, Lenny.
- Okay.
♪ ♪
- You couldn't get to sleep.
- The evening doesn't console me.
Nothing's changed, as you can see.
- Well, something's changed.
You were just a jerk, and now you've become the Pope.
[both chuckle]
- Let's smoke a cigarette together.
Secretly.
both: Like when we were kids.
- I'm glad you found a moment to say hello to me.
- How could you doubt I'd come?
- I always doubt.
[laughs]
Now, when are you gonna make
this blessed speech to the cardinals?
- When I have something to say.
- Well, I'm all out of cigarettes.
[doorbell buzzes]
- The Holy Father isn't in the Apostolic Palace.
Nor is the Cardinal Secretary of State.
- Well, what time is it?
- 3:00 in the morning.
- I'll take care of it. You go to sleep.
Now, don't say a word to anyone.
[bright guitar music]
♪ ♪
[doorbell rings]
- [grunts]
- Will you let me in?
- Of course. - Thank you.
- You are very beautiful at night, Sister Mary.
- [sighs] Please.
- Let me introduce you to my best friend, Girolamo.
- Is he a good friend? - Yes.
- Ah.
- The only one who never criticizes me.
Why did you come here?
- Because of the Pope.
- How disappointing.
I thought you came because of me.
- Nobody knows where the Pope is.
- Oh. Don't worry.
Sooner or later, all Popes need to remind themselves
of what freedom is.
Then they come back.
We had to go to retrieve Pius XIII's predecessor
from a bingo parlor.
He was arguing with the caller, saying he was cheating.
[chuckles]
- When you want,
you know how to be quite comforting.
- How beautiful you are, Sister Mary, at night.
- You already told me that.
- We love God because it is so painful
to love other men and women.
You and I have renounced our fellow men and women
because we don't want to suffer.
- Hmm.
- Because we are incapable
of withstanding the heartbreak of love.
Because we are unhappy.
Because we are cowards,
like all priests and all nuns.
- Your words are beautiful.
But that's not all.
They're true.
- They are not my words.
They are the words of your Pope.
- [moaning] - Yes, yes, Girolamo.
Now I'll tell Sister Mary, hmm?
- What are you going to tell me?
- That I had found a way of destroying the Holy Father.
I had collected all the evidence
for a good old-fashioned scandal.
But I am not going to do it.
The evidence is in here.
Here, you take it.
Your hands are safer than mine.
Because you know something, Sister Mary?
You were right.
Your Pope really is a saint.
- Yes.
He is.
[elegant piano music playing]
♪ ♪
- Good evening, sir. - Hi.
Um, would you sell us some cigarettes?
- I don't know if we have any.
Make yourselves comfortable. I'll go check.
- Grazie.
[footsteps tapping]
- Andrew.
- Please, take a seat.
English?
- Americans.
- You look like a couple of priests.
- [laughs]
We're not priests.
Have you ever seen two priests wearing tracksuits?
- I've seen everything.
By the way, did you know I have clients who insist
I am proof of the existence of God?
- Interesting theory.
- But they're wrong.
They see me
because they can't see far.
- Can you see far?
- Yes.
And I have proof of the existence of God.
- Show me, ma'am.
Show me, I implore you.
[camera shutter clicks]
[melancholy string music]
♪ ♪
- Your eyes.
Your eyes, sir.
They are proof of the existence of God.
♪ ♪
- We should go.
Good night, ma'am.
♪ ♪
- Do you remember the time
Sister Mary took us to the custodian's house?
Billy's mother on her deathbed?
- Yeah, I remember.
I don't want to talk about it.
- It's pointless for you to go on pretending
nothing happened, Lenny.
Something extraordinary happened in that room.
- I don't feel like talking about it.
- You're my best friend, and I don't understand you.
Why don't you want to talk about it?
- I only want to talk
about things that I understand.
Don't you get that?
So what if I asked you to become
Prefect for the Congregation for the Clergy?
Select candidates for priesthood
from all over the world.
Would you do it?
- What if I were to refuse?
- Then I'd be forced to make recourse to my sovereign power.
I am the Pope now.
- [laughs]
[melancholy piano music]
♪ ♪
I want to tell you something.
It's something I've never told you before.
- So tell me now.
- When you first came to the orphanage,
I was watching
from a window, and...
I-I don't remember your father,
but I remember your mother.
- What did she look like?
- [sighs]
Her hair was parted in the middle
and long on the sides.
And her eyes
were bright and...
impassive.
Which made me think she was sad.
- That's exactly how I dream of her.
Always.
Why didn't you ever tell me?
- When we were boys I thought, well...
I thought it would cause you too much pain.
- Causes me too much pain even now.
♪ ♪
[insects chittering, birds cawing]
[smooth acoustic guitar music]
♪ ♪
[bell tolling faintly]
- Did you want to run away?
Come on. Let's go back inside.
♪ ♪
I haven't said anything to the Cardinal Secretary of State.
- Thank you so much, Sister Mary.
♪ ♪
[machinery humming]
[hammers pounding]
♪ ♪
- Monsignor, I forgive you
for having betrayed our confidences
to the Cardinal Secretary of State.
- Your Holiness, how did you find out?
- I forgive you for being an alcoholic,
and I recommend that you stop drinking
now that you're about to set off
on a challenging mission to America.
- Your Holiness,
what else do you know about me?
- I know everything a powerful man needs to know
about the people he works with.
And I, not Voiello,
am the most powerful man of all.
- And what else do you know about me, Holy Father?
- What else is there to know?
[light percussive tones]
♪ ♪
- [breathing heavily]
- You always talk to me about my holiness,
the miracle I supposedly performed,
but you never tell me anything
about the only miracle I need.
The miracle that doesn't happen and never will...
seeing my parents again.
- You must have faith in God, Your Holiness.
And you will see them again.
- I'm getting old.
Time is turning into a thin sheet.
And seeing them dead
is of no interest to me.
I'm only interested in the living.
[helicopter rotors whirring]
- Holy Father,
I beg you to reconsider your decision
to send to America Monsignor Gutierrez.
The Kurtwell case needs to be examined
by a person of substantial reputation.
Gutierrez is not up to it.
He has none of the necessary expertise,
and moreover, he's fragile and emotional,
and the Holy See will send the world the message
that it does not take seriously
the problem of child abuse
or, even worse, is not interested in it.
And there is another problem.
I didn't want to tell you, but now I'm forced to.
Your Holiness,
Gutierrez is an alcoholic.
- I know.
- And there is also another secret.
- What if I knew that one too?
What if I know all your secrets,
Your Eminence?
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
What were you hoping to achieve?
Start a scandal?
The idea of threatening that poor girl
who suffers from sterility.
Will you stop at nothing, Your Eminence?
Don't you know the meaning of the word "pity"?
How far were you willing to go?
Would you have blackmailed the Holy Father?
Would you have gone so far
as to give those pictures to the press,
to insinuate a nonexistent
sexual relationship between me and that young woman?
You haven't figured out
that your old methods only work on the old Popes
who were afraid of losing consensus.
They don't work with me.
- [breathing heavily]
- I am the young Pope.
I put no stock in consensus.
- Who t--
who told you all these things?
- You put on airs as a politician.
You still haven't figured out you've run up against
a politician far cannier than you...
me.
- Holy Father, I have already destroyed those pictures.
It's true, I was thinking
of using old, violent methods,
but I repented in time, Holy Father.
I repented before I could sin.
The wonderful words that you said
to that young woman illuminated me.
I implore you, forgive me.
I need your forgiveness.
- You don't need my forgiveness. You need my compassion.
Now, stop making a spectacle of yourself.
Get off.
- [gasps] - Holy Father.
The papal tiara has arrived from Washington.
It's in perfect condition.
- Prepare the Sistine Chapel.
The time has come to address the cardinals.
♪ ♪
[LMFAO's "Sexy and I Know It"]
[upbeat dance music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Ah ♪ - ♪ Girl, look at that body ♪
- ♪ I-I-I work out ♪
- ♪ Ah ♪ - ♪ Girl, look at that body ♪
- ♪ I-I-I work out ♪
♪ When I walk in the spot ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪ This is what I see ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪
- ♪ Everybody stops and they staring at me ♪
♪ I got passion in my pants ♪ - No.
- ♪ And I ain't afraid to show it ♪
♪ Show it, show it, show it ♪
- ♪ I'm sexy and I know it ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I'm sexy and I know it ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ Yo, when I'm at the mall ♪
♪ Security just can't fight 'em off ♪
♪ And when I'm at the beach ♪
♪ I'm in a Speedo trying to tan my cheeks ♪
- ♪ What ♪ - ♪ This is how I roll ♪
♪ Come on, ladies, it's time to go ♪
♪ We headed to the bar, baby, don't be nervous ♪
♪ No shoes, no shirt, and I still get service ♪
♪ Why ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ I'm sexy and I know it ♪
- ♪ Check it out ♪
♪ Check it out ♪
[music stops]
[crowd murmuring]
[door clanks open]
[choir singing]
♪ ♪
[door clicks shut]
[choir singing]
♪ ♪
[choir singing]
♪ ♪
- They're still there.
I'm gonna turn around and they'll still be there.
I'm gonna turn around now, and I'll see them.
Mom and Dad, waiting for me.
[choir singing]
[sighs]
♪ ♪
[singing ends abruptly]
- Knock, knock.
Knock, knock.
We're not in.
Brother cardinals, from this day forward,
we're not in, no matter who's knocking on our door.
We're in, but only for God.
From this day forward,
everything that was wide open is gonna be closed.
Evangelization?
We've already done it.
Ecumenicalism?
Been there, done that.
Tolerance?
Doesn't live here anymore.
It's been evicted.
It vacated the house for the new tenant,
who has diametrically opposite tastes in decorating.
We've been reaching out to others for years now.
[whispering] It's time to stop.
We're not going anywhere.
We are here, because what are we?
We are cement.
And cement doesn't move.
We are cement without windows.
So we don't look to the outside world.
"Only the Church possesses the charisma of truth,"
said Saint Ignatius of Antioch.
And he was right.
We have no reason to look out.
Instead...
look over there.
What do you see?
That's the door.
The only way in.
Small and extremely uncomfortable.
And anyone who wants to know us
has to find out how to get through that door.
Brother cardinals,
we need to go back to being prohibited,
inaccessible, and mysterious.
That's the only way we will once again become desirable.
That's the only way great love stories are born.
And I don't want any more part-time believers.
I want great love stories.
I want fanatics for God.
Because fanaticism is love.
Everything else is strictly a surrogate,
and it stays outside the Church.
[breathes deeply]
With the attitudes of the last papacy,
the Church won for itself
great expressions of fondness from the masses.
It became popular.
"Isn't that wonderful?" you might be thinking.
We received plenty of esteem
and lots of friendship.
I have no idea what to do
with the friendship of the whole wide world.
What I want is absolute love and total devotion to God.
Could that mean a Church only for the few?
That's a hypothesis,
and a hypothesis isn't the same as reality.
But even this hypothesis isn't so scandalous.
I say better to have a few that are reliable
than have a great many
that are distractible and indifferent.
The public squares have been jam-packed,
but the hearts have been emptied of God.
You can't measure love with numbers.
You can only measure it in terms of intensity.
In terms of blind loyalty to the imperative.
Fix that word
firmly in your souls:
"imperative."
From this day forth,
that's what the Pope wants.
That's what the Church wants.
That's what God wants.
And so the liturgy
will no longer be a social engagement.
It will become hard work.
And sin will no longer be forgiven at will.
I don't expect any applause from you.
There will be no expression of thanks in this chapel.
None from me and none from you.
Courtesy and good manners are not the business of men of God.
What I do expect is that you will do
what I've told you to do.
There is nothing
outside your obedience to Pius XIII.
Nothing except hell.
A hell you may know nothing about...
but I do.
[whispering] Because I built it.
Right behind that door.
Hell.
These past few days,
I've had to build hell for you.
That's why I come to you belatedly.
I know you will obey,
because you've already figured out
that this Pope isn't afraid to lose the faithful
if they're been even slightly unfaithful,
and that means this Pope does not negotiate--
on anything or with anyone.
And this Pope cannot be blackmailed!
From this day forth,
the word "compromise"
has been banished from the vocabulary.
I just deleted it.
When Jesus willingly mounted the cross,
He was not making compromises.
Neither am I.
[breathes deeply]
Amen.
[soft orchestral music]
♪ ♪
[chair scrapes]
[music intensifies]
♪ ♪
[sighs]
[music softens]
♪ ♪
[whispering] Jump.
- Holy Father,
I have to confess
a horrible thing I did.
- Confess your secrets to God alone,
Esther.
Even those that have to do with me.
There's only one thing I can do for you:
forgive you.
Forgive you always.
♪ ♪
- Holy Father...
I feel it.
Yes, I feel it.
- Yes.
You're right. I feel it too.
♪ ♪
[sighs]
- [singing in Corsican]
[speaking Italian]
♪ ♪
[bright tone]
(LENNY BELARDO SPEAKS IN LATIN)
BELARDO: What do you want?
Your resignation.
Just try it.
-I'm not okay with this. -You must do what I ask.
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(SCREAMS)
You don't steal the stage from the pope.
Your Holiness.
CARDINAL VOIELLO: Who are you, really?