1 00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:16,182 ♪ Well, I don't know Why I came here tonight ♪ 2 00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:19,853 ♪ Got the feeling That something ain't right ♪ 3 00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:24,190 ♪ I'm so scared In case I fall off my chair ♪ 4 00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:28,445 ♪ And I'm wondering How I'll get down the stairs ♪ 5 00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:33,199 ♪ And there's clowns to the left of me Jokers to the right, here I am ♪ 6 00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:35,493 ♪ Stuck in the middle with you ♪ 7 00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:39,748 ♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪ 8 00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:47,672 [upbeat music playing] 9 00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:53,845 [Grace] Ah-ah-ah! 10 00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:56,890 -Put that ship down. -That's what we're doing. 11 00:00:56,973 --> 00:01:00,602 -No, not there. Back on the mantel. -But we're gonna watch Cajun Pawn Stars. 12 00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:02,479 -I don't care. -You understand 13 00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:06,316 that we always move the ship so that we can actually see the TV? 14 00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:11,488 That's when you were staying a few days. New rule: You touch my ship, you die. 15 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:15,450 -Prison's hardened you. -[Grace] No. You two have hardened me. 16 00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:16,951 Prison's been a joy. 17 00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:21,998 Usually, when a loved one is behind bars, there's less glee and more gloom. 18 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,291 What's to be gloomy about? 19 00:01:23,374 --> 00:01:26,169 I get to see Nick an hour every day. We make the most of it. 20 00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:28,463 He's never on his phone 'cause it's contraband, 21 00:01:28,546 --> 00:01:31,633 so when we talk, he is really there. 22 00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:33,301 Hm. Captive, in fact. 23 00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:36,096 [Grace] We never argue about dinner 'cause it's a set menu. 24 00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:37,639 And then we do our own thing. 25 00:01:37,722 --> 00:01:39,808 He goes back to his room, I go back to mine. 26 00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:43,812 But your room is a beach house and his is a jail cell. 27 00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:47,148 Since you've been living here, my beach house is also a jail cell. 28 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,317 -[scoffs] -Well, scoff all you want. 29 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:52,445 This arrangement has done wonders for my marriage. 30 00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:54,989 It's kind of a perfect relationship. 31 00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:58,701 I don't know how I ever had a relationship with somebody that wasn't locked up. 32 00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:03,039 Well, it must be working because you're absolutely glowing. 33 00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,751 -Can we move the ship? -Try it. 34 00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:16,636 Frankie, should we really be taking this meeting without Grace? 35 00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:17,554 Why? 36 00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:20,682 Because she said we shouldn't be taking this meeting without her. 37 00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:23,852 Oh, it's fine. She's in jail. She's happy. 38 00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:27,647 She'll be thrilled to find out we've landed a manufacturer for the Rise Up. 39 00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:30,316 With what? We're candy rich and cash poor. 40 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,777 We haven't reached the point in our money laundering 41 00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:34,445 where we actually get the money. 42 00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:36,447 How much candy have we moved? 43 00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:37,991 Three boxes. 44 00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:39,742 To my nephew. 45 00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:42,287 And I had to really lean on him. 46 00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:47,041 And Robert ate seven, so we're actually in the red. 47 00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:50,920 Okay, money is a tomorrow problem. 48 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,798 This is just a meeting to schmooze the guy. 49 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:55,967 Grace is the closer, we're the schmoozers. 50 00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:59,262 Oh, I see. It's one of those get-to-know-you meetings 51 00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:03,349 where I tell charming anecdotes while they stare at my chest. 52 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:04,559 Exactly. 53 00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:07,145 You never talk brass tacks this early. 54 00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:11,691 As newcomers, we appreciate you welcoming us 55 00:03:11,774 --> 00:03:14,777 into the community of toileteers. 56 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:18,489 My pleasure. Now, let's talk rubber washers, shall we? 57 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,867 That's what we call "brass tacks" in the biz. 58 00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:22,785 [Frankie clears throat] 59 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:27,665 You know, I have a charming anecdote that I'd love to share 60 00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:31,336 about a young child's bravery during the Blitz. 61 00:03:31,419 --> 00:03:32,378 And, yes... 62 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,422 that child was me. 63 00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:38,468 Interesting you say "child" because I too was a child once. 64 00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:40,762 All right, ladies, I have a hard out, 65 00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:45,141 so to get this into production, I'm gonna need a 30% startup fee. 66 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:48,561 My prices are competitive. That said, I can't do it for peanuts. 67 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,189 Of course not. How about Abba-Zabas? 68 00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:52,232 Excuse me? 69 00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:54,943 [Frankie] Let's say the toilets cost 100,000. 70 00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:58,947 I could pay you up front, in cash, with candy. 71 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,699 I'm sorry. I'm a little lost. 72 00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:04,285 Is "candy" code for something? 73 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:05,453 Money. 74 00:04:05,536 --> 00:04:08,039 So you're going to pay me with money? 75 00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:09,916 No. Candy. 76 00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:12,126 Okay. Is this a prank? 77 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:13,294 Oh. 78 00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:16,339 Did those meatheads over at David Budin's Shower & Bath send you? 79 00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:18,383 No! We're serious. 80 00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:22,595 Now, are you going to take our 200,000 dollars' worth of candy 81 00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:25,223 and make toilets for us or not? 82 00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:30,770 -I can't believe you made this. -Hmph. 83 00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:32,355 It's actually good. 84 00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:34,190 A lot of time to work on my skills. 85 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,441 Want a tat later? 86 00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:38,444 No. I'll stick to the quesadillas. 87 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:39,862 It's a "prison-dilla." 88 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,739 We steal cheese from the kitchen, 89 00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:44,617 put it on a tortilla made of Flaming Hot Cheeto dust, 90 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,869 then all you need is a microwave and Blowtorch. 91 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:49,038 Why need a blowtorch if you have a microwave? 92 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:52,250 Blowtorch is a person. And he owns the microwave. 93 00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:53,167 [PA beeps] 94 00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,961 [man on PA] Visiting hours are almost over. 95 00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:57,255 Say your goodbyes, folks. 96 00:04:57,922 --> 00:05:02,093 Well, I hate to eat and run, but I guess our hour is up. 97 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,305 Time really flies in this place. 98 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:07,098 It famously does not. 99 00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:10,143 And I hate it when you leave. 100 00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:12,103 I know. Me too. 101 00:05:12,186 --> 00:05:13,146 Grace... 102 00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:17,608 I didn't want to jinx this, but I've been talking to my lawyer, 103 00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:21,362 and there's a chance I could get out if I admit guilt and write a big check. 104 00:05:22,613 --> 00:05:24,282 You mean, like, "out" out? 105 00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:27,952 "Out" out. No more hour visits. No walls between us. 106 00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:29,495 Just you and me. 107 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:31,331 Oh. 108 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,542 Uh-huh. Yeah. Wow. That's great. 109 00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:38,588 -You sure you wanna plead guilty? -Yes! If it gets me out of here. 110 00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:42,508 Yeah, well, sure, but, I mean, isn't there something to be said 111 00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:45,219 for fighting for your innocence and for the truth? 112 00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:46,429 The truth is I'm guilty. 113 00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:49,182 Guilty, yes, but not "guilty" guilty. 114 00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:50,725 No, I'm "guilty" guilty. 115 00:05:50,808 --> 00:05:52,894 And that's just the charges they've got me on. 116 00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,563 [mischievous music playing] 117 00:05:58,649 --> 00:05:59,942 My neck hurts. 118 00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:03,071 What alternative do we have? 119 00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:05,698 Oh, I don't know. 120 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,076 Maybe we move the ship? 121 00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:10,953 Well, you heard Grace, she said she'd kill us. 122 00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,538 And she doesn't fear prison. 123 00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:15,750 Oh, Robert, get ahold of yourself. She'll never know. 124 00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:18,419 Careful, Sol. 125 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,380 Oh, I can't look. 126 00:06:22,256 --> 00:06:24,092 Ooh. Ah-ah-ah! 127 00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:27,595 No, no, no. Not there. You'll knock it off. You're all feet. 128 00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:30,598 If you don't like where it is, move it. 129 00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:32,016 Fine. 130 00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:41,943 Steady as she goes. 131 00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:43,111 Oh, shut up. 132 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:46,030 -[crashing] -[Robert shouts] 133 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,495 We need to leave and never come back. 134 00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:54,539 But our house isn't finished yet. 135 00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:56,874 You wanna be here when Grace finds out? 136 00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,709 I can be packed in five minutes. 137 00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:07,051 To be honest, I'd rather get circumcised at a hospital, 138 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:10,888 but it means a lot to my dad, so I'm thinking of getting a bris. 139 00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:13,850 Bris? I'm here to paint your house. 140 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:16,894 Kidding! [chuckles] 141 00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:18,479 Just part of my shtick. 142 00:07:19,063 --> 00:07:21,065 -And I'm gonna take part of yours. -Jesus. 143 00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:22,233 Him I don't know. 144 00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:25,528 Listen, I've been doing this for 30 years. 145 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:26,988 Sober for three. 146 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:30,825 We should get a second opinion from a doctor. 147 00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:33,369 Doctor-shmoctor. They charge an arm and a leg. 148 00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:35,037 I work for tips. 149 00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:38,708 You want me to do it now? I'll go get my garden shears. 150 00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:40,960 Call the doctor. 151 00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:44,755 [indistinct chatter on TV] 152 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:53,055 Well, you really screwed up this time. 153 00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:54,974 What? What did I do? 154 00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:57,935 You made us look like whack-jobs. 155 00:07:58,019 --> 00:08:00,229 -You don't need me for that. -Exactly. 156 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:04,150 Joan-Margaret and I went to a meeting, and you weren't there to rein us in, 157 00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:08,070 so we may have insulted the toilet man with our candy offer. 158 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,198 I told you to cancel that meeting. 159 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:13,034 No. You're not turning this around on me, lady. 160 00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:15,203 Someone had to make the decisions 161 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:18,456 when you were off having the time of your life in jail. 162 00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:20,750 I was gone for only two hours. 163 00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:23,336 God, you take longer to put on your jewelry. 164 00:08:23,419 --> 00:08:25,755 It's called layering, Grace. 165 00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:28,508 Look, even if we had the money, there's nothing we can do 166 00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:31,052 until the mechanic finishes testing the new part. 167 00:08:31,135 --> 00:08:35,223 Wrong again. Luanne called from the Hot Hot Chili Festival, 168 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:38,976 where she had tested our toilet under adverse conditions, 169 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,020 and it held up like a champ. 170 00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:44,065 That is the most disgusting good news I have ever heard. 171 00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:47,276 Grace, your pantsuit looks marvelous! 172 00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:51,489 Oh, and, Frankie, you're very charming on the small screen. 173 00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:53,115 Is that Shark Tank? 174 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:56,035 We said we wouldn't watch that episode in this house. 175 00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:59,205 You said she couldn't watch porn during her breaks. 176 00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:01,832 That was delicious television, darlings. 177 00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:03,709 I don't come off too bad? 178 00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,253 -Not bad at all... -Good. 179 00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:07,255 ...for someone who betrayed her best friend 180 00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:10,049 for a man who betrayed the American taxpayer. 181 00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:14,053 How did the toilet come off? What is Twitter saying? 182 00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:16,430 That's the interesting part, dear. 183 00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:21,811 Apparently, everyone hates Grace, but they love the toilet. 184 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:23,729 Let me-- Let me look. 185 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,816 Oh, my God. Listen to these comments. 186 00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:30,820 "Where do I get a Rise Up?" "My mom needs one!" 187 00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:34,824 "Grace is a bitch." "Tried it at Chili Fest, works great!" 188 00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:38,160 Oh, we're a hit, ladies! Let's celebrate. 189 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:41,706 No time. We need to strike while the toilet's hot. 190 00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:45,251 We've got to roll up our sleeves, eliminate all distractions. 191 00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:49,630 -We've got to cancel our plans. -I don't know if we can cancel our plans. 192 00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:53,217 I know you're worried about me missing the ostrich rodeo, 193 00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:57,054 and, yes, tickets are nonrefundable and they're 300 apiece, 194 00:09:57,138 --> 00:10:00,224 and I bought a block of six, but the rodeo can wait. 195 00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:02,310 I'm not worried about the rodeo. 196 00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:07,773 See, we might have a small distraction because Nick might be getting out of jail. 197 00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:09,275 -What? -Yeah. 198 00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:12,778 Oh, great. Just as things are coming together, 199 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:17,116 he swoops in right in time to fuck things up for us. Again. 200 00:10:17,199 --> 00:10:21,245 No, but he's not gonna do that. It probably won't even happen anyway. 201 00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:23,998 -It might. And if it does-- -I'll handle it. 202 00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:25,499 Like you did last time? 203 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:28,753 This isn't like last time. That's why I told you. 204 00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:31,213 Trust me, I got this. 205 00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:37,887 After the M'Challah debacle, Jessica and I went to see that place Brianna showed us. 206 00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:39,972 -And? -Perfect for us. 207 00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:42,933 -Ooh. -It's like a giant tiny house. 208 00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:44,101 You mean a house? 209 00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:45,019 Yeah. 210 00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:46,687 It's great. 211 00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,982 There's just one problem. 212 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,112 We're about 30,000 short on the down payment, 213 00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:57,406 and I was thinking maybe I could get a loan? 214 00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,283 Oy. 215 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,702 I'll pay you back in less than six months. 216 00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:03,871 Ten years, max. 217 00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:08,042 As much as I'd love to help, have you ever thought about selling off some assets? 218 00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:12,505 -I'm not allowed to sell any more sperm. -Not what I was referring to. 219 00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:16,759 Assets, plural? Who am I, the Monopoly Man, Archibald J. Peckwith? 220 00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:19,011 No, no. I just... Is that his name? 221 00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,304 Shot in the dark. 222 00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:25,059 -I'm talking about selling your Sacagawea. -What? No way. 223 00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:26,936 Mm-mm. I've had that forever. 224 00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,562 You got it out of a cereal box. 225 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:31,190 So what? I'm supposed to just sell my lucky coin? 226 00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:34,694 Yeah. Now that it's worth a whole bunch of money. 227 00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:38,864 -It's priceless to me. -Why? 228 00:11:40,282 --> 00:11:41,242 Because... 229 00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,538 -It is. -Dude, that is not a good explanation. 230 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:50,000 Listen, if you want to take this big of a step with Jessica, 231 00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:54,296 you need to be willing to make some equally big sacrifices. 232 00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:58,050 Going in for a refill. 233 00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:00,803 [grunts, then groans] 234 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:04,181 -When's your dick getting fixed? -Not soon enough. 235 00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,103 You're welcome. 236 00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:11,981 Excuse me? 237 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,692 I opened the door for you. 238 00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:17,194 And no one asked you to. That was your choice. 239 00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:19,029 My choice was to be polite. 240 00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:22,158 Actually, your choice was to assume I needed you to open the door. 241 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:26,871 I'm sorry for noticing you have your hands full with your Michael Bublé CD. 242 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:29,790 You got a problem with him? 243 00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:33,294 Not with Bublé. I've got a problem with you. 244 00:12:35,212 --> 00:12:37,047 What? [snickers] 245 00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:39,842 Have fun listening to your CD on the way to Blockbuster! 246 00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:43,763 Crushed it. 247 00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,435 It needs more air again. 248 00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:52,563 [Robert] Fine, just don't get up too quickly... 249 00:13:02,531 --> 00:13:04,492 The stupid pump isn't working. 250 00:13:05,075 --> 00:13:06,786 I'm never gonna fall asleep. 251 00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,205 Me neither. 252 00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:14,335 May I interest you in some shut-eye? 253 00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:15,878 Those things never work for me. 254 00:13:17,421 --> 00:13:18,798 Couldn't hurt though. 255 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:24,970 Coming aboard. 256 00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:31,018 Great. Now I have to pee. 257 00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,563 Aw, jeez. [exclaims] 258 00:13:35,689 --> 00:13:37,691 [mellow music playing] 259 00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:45,074 Frankie, dear. 260 00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:46,492 What gives? 261 00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:49,829 I've got someone who can help us move the candy. 262 00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:52,581 I was at Walden Villas, trolling for tail-- 263 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,251 Otherwise known as Thursday. 264 00:13:55,334 --> 00:14:00,714 And I found this total dime-piece screaming at one of the orderlies. 265 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:05,553 Hello, Frankie. 266 00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,054 What's poppin', Howard? 267 00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:10,599 My beautiful new girlfriend told me you were in a pickle. 268 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,768 Oh, I wouldn't say "girlfriend." 269 00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,687 Let's see how lunch goes. 270 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:20,401 Anyway, I was told you girls need to lose some candy, fast. 271 00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:23,946 But you screwed us over once. Why should we trust you now? 272 00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:27,199 One, I never hit a mark twice. 273 00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,785 Two, I'm easy to catch. 274 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:33,122 We promised we'd deal with this when Grace gets back. 275 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:35,165 Just hear what he has to say. 276 00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:38,002 If the idea sucks, you can show him the door. 277 00:14:38,627 --> 00:14:42,339 But he will be here until Walden Villas comes back with the ramp van. 278 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:46,176 I was also told that there would be lunch. 279 00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:48,721 There's a full lunch on your shirt. 280 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,189 Fine. What's the play? 281 00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:02,401 When I heard of your predicament, I didn't know if I could help. 282 00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:06,614 I mean, sure, I've been in the candy game before. 283 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:10,659 Raised thousands of dollars for my grandson's baseball team. 284 00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:13,621 That's impressive. What's his name? 285 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,998 -Whose name? -Your grandson's. 286 00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:19,209 What grandson? It was a scam, Kojak. 287 00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:22,421 When the La Jolla Little League found out, they shut me down. 288 00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:24,965 That's Little League. This is the Bigs. 289 00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:26,926 I got a big solution. 290 00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:30,554 When I heard you were lousy with Abba-Zabas, 291 00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:34,892 it reminded me of something I heard from an old contact. 292 00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:39,605 A Norwegian candy smuggler, Hummer Von Vuckinschloker. 293 00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:45,027 He told me that Zabas weren't sold in Norway, 294 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,989 which resulted in a huge black market for them. 295 00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:53,619 And once we cut in Von Hamantaschen, what's in it for you? 296 00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:58,165 How about a chance to help a classy broad like Joanie? 297 00:15:58,832 --> 00:16:02,962 Spend a few of my last precious moments on earth with her. 298 00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:05,464 And 40% off the top. 299 00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:06,465 Oh. 300 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,468 Zero percent and you got yourself a girlfriend. 301 00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:10,719 [horn honks] 302 00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:25,651 -Robert, wake up. -No. 303 00:16:25,734 --> 00:16:26,568 Robert! 304 00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,238 I think someone broke in. 305 00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:32,825 Don't be ridiculous. We've been right here the whole time. 306 00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:38,831 Well, I'll be damned. 307 00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:41,458 How can we have slept through a robbery? 308 00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:45,170 We were on sleep meds. What the hell's his excuse? 309 00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:49,466 We've gotta figure out our strategy. 310 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:52,344 I think we can get a reduced sentence and minimum security. 311 00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:55,014 Unless we ask for total freedom, which is a long shot. 312 00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:56,890 -Minimum security. -Total freedom. 313 00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:59,935 -You want me to stay in prison? -No. You heard what Elena said. 314 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,812 Minimum security is our only option. 315 00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:03,981 -I don't know that I-- -I'm paraphrasing. 316 00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:07,818 But I heard if you roll the dice and lose, they could come down harder on you. 317 00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:10,863 Then you could be put away for who knows how long. 318 00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:12,197 Am I right, Elena? 319 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:14,074 -Well... -Thank you. 320 00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:15,909 It's not like it's a real prison. 321 00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:19,329 It's prison-lite. Right? They're basically country clubs. 322 00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:21,749 You'd be playing tennis with other tax evaders. 323 00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:25,586 I already do that. And if I testify against my buddies, who'll play with me? 324 00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:29,798 Well, you'll make new friends. Like you did with Blowtorch. 325 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:33,052 You think Blowtorches grow on trees? Tell them no deal. 326 00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:34,887 We'll take the deal. 327 00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:37,890 -What are you talking about? -We gotta get real. 328 00:17:37,973 --> 00:17:39,683 You do the crime, you do the time. 329 00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:42,853 No, you do the crime, you pay the dime. That's the saying, right? 330 00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:44,354 -I don't-- -Thank you. 331 00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:47,441 -Don't you want me to get out? -Of course I do. 332 00:17:47,524 --> 00:17:52,071 I just don't want you to run the risk of landing yourself in jail for longer. 333 00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:55,240 This isn't something you can just negotiate your way out of. 334 00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,743 -Actually-- -Elena, please. 335 00:17:57,826 --> 00:18:02,122 Honey, as your wife, I'm asking you, choose the safer option. 336 00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:04,666 -For me. -[cell phone jingling] 337 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,877 Wait. How did you sneak your phone in here? 338 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:11,048 Oh, please. I'm 82. They wouldn't pat me down if I begged them. 339 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:12,466 Frankie? 340 00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:14,093 I can't do time. 341 00:18:14,843 --> 00:18:17,471 There has to be some kind of Hail Mary to get me out. 342 00:18:17,554 --> 00:18:19,973 -So Grace is 82? -Mm-hm. 343 00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:22,684 I think I have an idea. 344 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:26,105 -What's going on? -[Frankie] I'm taking care of business! 345 00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,565 I'm gonna make you so proud, mama bear. 346 00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:31,360 Please tell me you're not meeting with another manufacturer. 347 00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:34,404 Nope! I'm meeting with a Norwegian candy smuggler. 348 00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:36,198 Oh, God. 349 00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:41,954 We just have to face the fact that we can't afford that house. 350 00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:44,915 We'll wallow in extreme nachos and then move on. 351 00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:48,293 Damn it. 352 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:51,964 I really thought that was the one. 353 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:54,842 Maybe it still is. 354 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:58,303 Look, I may have... 355 00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:00,264 our down payment... 356 00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:02,391 right here. 357 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,229 I got it from a cereal box. 358 00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:09,064 Really funny. 359 00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:13,068 -What are you doing? -What are you doing? 360 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,778 Pull over. Where'd it go? 361 00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:21,118 Dr. Dumanis was called away on emergency, 362 00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:23,537 but there's no need to be nervous, hon. 363 00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:25,622 -Dr. Green is more than capable. -Good. 364 00:19:26,456 --> 00:19:28,834 She likes to listen to music while she operates. 365 00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:31,170 -Wanna look at the options? -Uh... 366 00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:33,422 Whatever makes her hands the steadiest is fine. 367 00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:35,799 -I will play her new favorite. -Great. 368 00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,844 [jazz music playing over speakers] 369 00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:44,308 ♪ All of me ♪ 370 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:48,103 Is that Bublé? 371 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,438 It is. 372 00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:50,355 [door opens] 373 00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:53,984 How are we feeling today, Mr. Bergstein? 374 00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:58,030 [in British accent] I'm just a wee bit nervous, innit? 375 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:01,909 More importantly, how are you? 376 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,121 -I'm good. -[Bud] Huzzah! 377 00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:09,583 Are you currently taking any medications? 378 00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:12,586 -None me can think of, matey. -Mm-hm. 379 00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:17,925 -Oh! It's you. -No, it's not. 380 00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:21,220 Alrighty. Yeah. I will be with you in just a second. 381 00:20:23,972 --> 00:20:26,350 Thank you so much. 382 00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:32,648 [in normal voice] Nope. 383 00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:38,237 Oh. 384 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,491 Why didn't you tell me it was worth $30,000? 385 00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:43,909 I was about to. 386 00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:46,912 How was I supposed to know that you were gonna chuck a dollar? 387 00:20:46,995 --> 00:20:50,082 -Who chucks a dollar? -I thought you were joking. 388 00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,793 You told me you got it out of a cereal box. 389 00:20:52,876 --> 00:20:54,836 That was just the beginning of a story. 390 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,005 Very often that's your whole story. 391 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,132 I've had this in my pocket since I was a kid. 392 00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:01,718 Wow. 393 00:21:02,844 --> 00:21:04,471 Can't believe you've had it for so long. 394 00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:10,394 You know, before I got clean, I used to go on these benders where I'd just... 395 00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:12,854 disappear. 396 00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:17,567 Anyway, years ago, I was on the tail-end of one... 397 00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:19,653 and I was desperate. 398 00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:25,951 So I went to my dealer's house to buy more shit, but I was a dollar short. 399 00:21:27,035 --> 00:21:30,706 And the guy, he was an asshole, he wouldn't give me anything. 400 00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:33,917 So, what'd you do? 401 00:21:35,919 --> 00:21:37,421 I dug through my pockets. 402 00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:39,298 And found the coin. 403 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,721 But you still have the coin. 404 00:21:47,222 --> 00:21:49,433 When I looked at it, I remembered... 405 00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:54,021 how insanely happy I was, you know? 406 00:21:54,104 --> 00:21:57,274 Just to get this prize out of a cereal box. 407 00:22:00,068 --> 00:22:02,070 And there I was, willing to throw it away 408 00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:05,032 for something that was never gonna make me happy. 409 00:22:07,659 --> 00:22:09,619 So I told the guy to fuck off. 410 00:22:10,370 --> 00:22:12,456 And I checked myself into rehab. 411 00:22:12,539 --> 00:22:15,250 And I've been clean ever since. 412 00:22:20,380 --> 00:22:23,091 Coyote, you can't get rid of that coin. 413 00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:28,889 You have to keep it. No matter what. 414 00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:31,516 No, I don't. 415 00:22:32,559 --> 00:22:35,479 Because I've found something else that makes me insanely happy. 416 00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:39,483 And I wanna live in that house with you. 417 00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:45,906 [suspenseful music playing] 418 00:22:49,117 --> 00:22:50,994 -[Sol] Oh! -[Robert] Oh, dear. 419 00:22:54,664 --> 00:22:55,665 [Sol] Oh. 420 00:22:56,249 --> 00:22:57,751 Oh, my God. 421 00:23:01,713 --> 00:23:02,589 What? 422 00:23:03,173 --> 00:23:05,008 [Robert scoffs] Some watchdog. 423 00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:09,805 [Sol] Ah. 424 00:23:15,811 --> 00:23:19,689 That two-bit thief. Doesn't understand the worth of a Tappy. 425 00:23:21,358 --> 00:23:22,692 [both] Oh! 426 00:23:22,776 --> 00:23:25,821 This is the most embarrassing crime I've ever seen. 427 00:23:35,038 --> 00:23:39,334 -You must be Van Helsing. -No, I am Hummer Von Vuckinschloker. 428 00:23:39,918 --> 00:23:44,381 Howard says you bring the candy. So you bring the candy? 429 00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:47,259 Feast your eyes on this, Von Shmucker. 430 00:23:50,679 --> 00:23:51,680 What is this? 431 00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:54,474 Candy, of course. 432 00:23:54,558 --> 00:23:55,851 Where are Kit Kats? 433 00:23:55,934 --> 00:23:58,979 Kit Kats? You need Zabas. Because of the shortage. 434 00:23:59,062 --> 00:24:03,442 What is this, many years ago in the past? Zabas are everywhere since 2018. 435 00:24:03,525 --> 00:24:05,652 Kit Kats are hot now. 436 00:24:06,236 --> 00:24:08,405 Look, Heidi, I didn't get in the toilet biz 437 00:24:08,488 --> 00:24:11,741 to get into the candy biz to be told I've got the wrong candy. 438 00:24:11,825 --> 00:24:13,994 What the fuck is going on? 439 00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:20,667 [Grace] Frankie, the candy jig is up. 440 00:24:20,750 --> 00:24:22,252 We don't need that guy. 441 00:24:22,335 --> 00:24:24,421 According to this candy chat room, 442 00:24:24,504 --> 00:24:27,466 there's a guy from Manila hunting for Necco Wafers. 443 00:24:27,549 --> 00:24:29,384 -Frankie, enough. -But, Grace-- 444 00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:35,056 No buts. You're not a candy smuggler. You're not a money launderer. 445 00:24:35,140 --> 00:24:37,225 Not yet but I am trying. 446 00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:41,188 Do you hear yourself? Even for you, you sound crazy. 447 00:24:41,271 --> 00:24:42,355 What about you? 448 00:24:42,856 --> 00:24:47,444 You made your ex-husband put money down his pants to hide it from the FBI. 449 00:24:47,527 --> 00:24:50,405 I've never been prouder, but it was bonkers. 450 00:24:51,072 --> 00:24:55,660 You wanna hear bonkers? I just tried to keep my current husband in prison. 451 00:24:55,744 --> 00:24:57,871 -Well, that's just bat-shit. -Yeah. 452 00:24:58,371 --> 00:25:00,707 God. And I lied to the FBI. 453 00:25:01,541 --> 00:25:02,542 I don't do that. 454 00:25:02,626 --> 00:25:05,295 I went to Miss Caterwall's Finishing School 455 00:25:05,378 --> 00:25:08,256 and turned in girls for mumbling the Pledge of Allegiance! 456 00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:10,050 Jesus, Grace. 457 00:25:10,133 --> 00:25:11,885 Well, I'm not proud of that. 458 00:25:11,968 --> 00:25:13,386 And I'm not proud of... 459 00:25:14,721 --> 00:25:16,848 Of how I've been acting lately. 460 00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:19,476 When did we become these people? 461 00:25:19,559 --> 00:25:24,022 You know what I think? It all started when we took that money from the couch. 462 00:25:24,105 --> 00:25:26,775 -We knew it was dirty. -Yeah, and pretended it wasn't. 463 00:25:26,858 --> 00:25:30,195 And all it's done since then is made us lose our minds. 464 00:25:30,278 --> 00:25:34,074 Oh, we were so close to making the Rise Up happen. 465 00:25:34,157 --> 00:25:36,952 I just wanted to get us across the finish line. 466 00:25:37,035 --> 00:25:40,121 We'll get there. Just not like this. 467 00:25:40,789 --> 00:25:41,790 [sighs] 468 00:25:42,916 --> 00:25:45,794 So, what the hell do we do with all this damn candy? 469 00:25:49,631 --> 00:25:52,133 You know what? I feel better already. 470 00:25:52,217 --> 00:25:55,220 You really are our "getting out of messes" person. 471 00:25:55,845 --> 00:25:58,348 Coming from our "getting into messes" person, 472 00:25:58,431 --> 00:25:59,641 that means a lot. 473 00:25:59,724 --> 00:26:01,101 Speaking of which, 474 00:26:02,143 --> 00:26:05,522 if we don't return the U-Haul, they will charge us. 475 00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:09,401 -"Us"? -You. They'll charge you. 476 00:26:11,903 --> 00:26:13,071 [knocking on door] 477 00:26:16,950 --> 00:26:19,494 Anyone need a turtleneck changed into a crewneck? 478 00:26:19,578 --> 00:26:20,453 V-necks are extra. 479 00:26:20,537 --> 00:26:25,500 [sighs] Okay. If we're gonna do this, we'll need to set up some ground rules. 480 00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:26,585 Sure thing. 481 00:26:26,668 --> 00:26:29,713 -I touch yours, you don't touch mine. -Yes, that's one. 482 00:26:29,796 --> 00:26:32,007 But, also, no more jokes until after the procedure. 483 00:26:32,090 --> 00:26:35,885 You got it. I won't put you in stitches until after the stitches. 484 00:26:35,969 --> 00:26:39,014 I have to be honest. You really need some new material. 485 00:26:39,097 --> 00:26:41,725 -You think you can do better? -Well, yes, I do. 486 00:26:41,808 --> 00:26:45,729 Fine, pitch me some new jokes. But I cut anything I don't like. 487 00:26:45,812 --> 00:26:47,939 [groans] Let's just get this over with. 488 00:26:57,073 --> 00:26:58,450 [Grace] Hear that, Frankie? 489 00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:03,163 That's the sound of no dirty candy. 490 00:27:03,997 --> 00:27:07,125 And no fussy ex-husbands. 491 00:27:07,792 --> 00:27:09,336 Just you and me, baby. 492 00:27:09,419 --> 00:27:10,962 [knocking on door] 493 00:27:11,046 --> 00:27:13,381 Don't people know not to knock when I'm drinking? 494 00:27:16,343 --> 00:27:17,344 Nick? 495 00:27:18,803 --> 00:27:20,847 How are you here? 496 00:27:21,431 --> 00:27:22,724 Elena worked a miracle. 497 00:27:22,807 --> 00:27:25,852 She got me a deal that beat minimum security. 498 00:27:27,103 --> 00:27:30,065 Cute, huh? And you'll get to see it every day 499 00:27:30,148 --> 00:27:33,234 because I'm here on house arrest with you. 500 00:27:33,943 --> 00:27:34,903 And you. 501 00:27:36,112 --> 00:27:37,989 ♪ All of me ♪ 502 00:27:38,990 --> 00:27:41,409 ♪ Why not take all of me? ♪ 503 00:27:43,578 --> 00:27:45,705 ♪ Can't you see ♪ 504 00:27:45,789 --> 00:27:50,418 ♪ I'm no good without you ♪ 505 00:27:51,378 --> 00:27:56,925 ♪ Take my arms, I'll never use them ♪ 506 00:27:58,677 --> 00:28:01,179 ♪ Your goodbye ♪ 507 00:28:01,262 --> 00:28:07,811 ♪ Left me with eyes that cry ♪ 508 00:28:09,020 --> 00:28:13,733 ♪ Now I'm lost without you ♪ 509 00:28:14,401 --> 00:28:17,570 ♪ And now that you took that part ♪ 510 00:28:18,530 --> 00:28:22,158 ♪ That used to be my heart ♪