1
00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:09,259
[Grace Potter's
"Stuck In The Middle" playing]
2
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,766
♪ Well, I don't know
Why I came here tonight ♪
3
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:20,478
♪ Got the feelin'
That somethin' ain't right ♪
4
00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:24,315
♪ I'm so scared
In case I fall off my chair ♪
5
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:28,403
♪ And I'm wondering
How I'll get down the stairs ♪
6
00:00:28,486 --> 00:00:32,282
♪ And there's clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right ♪
7
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:36,036
♪ Here I am
Stuck in the middle with you ♪
8
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:39,998
♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪
9
00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:43,543
♪ Ooh ♪
10
00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:55,972
Frankie. Frankie, where are my keys?
11
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,974
Where we hang the oven mitts.
12
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,185
Well, then where are the oven mitts?
13
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Joan-Margaret put them in the freezer
to make arthritis mitts.
14
00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:05,607
She called it a "life hack."
15
00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:09,110
Well, she's really been
hacking my life to pieces these days.
16
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- [sighs] Did she at least get more coffee?
- Oh, hmm.
17
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,948
Um, I don't know. Let me check.
18
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:16,826
Mm...
19
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No. Listen to this,
20
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next to paper towels,
she's just written no.
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- [scoffs]
- A classic J.M. riddle.
22
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What do you think it means?
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I think it means
you're doing errands today.
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- That's not a fun riddle!
- Okay, how about...
25
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What's swaddled in tie-dye and going
to the grocery store and the pharmacy?
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David Crosby.
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A cool baby.
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My lost Tamagotchi.
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Frankie, I'm down to my last three pills,
which means so are you.
30
00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:48,024
Joke's on you,
I have been out of pills for days.
31
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No, you haven't,
because I crushed them up in your cereal.
32
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I thought my blood felt strangely thin.
33
00:01:54,656 --> 00:01:57,575
Look, I've got work.
Somebody has to get this done.
34
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But I just got three seconds
added to a traffic light.
35
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I shouldn't get a list of chores.
36
00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:06,459
I should get a giant key to the city
to open giant doors...
37
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to let in more justice.
38
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We're also out of cookie butter.
39
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On my way.
40
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[Robert] I'm back.
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Thought you were taking a walk.
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I did.
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I walked to the car,
I walked into the donut shop...
44
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What about your diet?
You were doing so great.
45
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Yes, well, that was when I thought
I was playing Don Quixote...
46
00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:33,486
before Peter betrayed me.
47
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Now I'm Sancho,
the plump and jolly sidekick.
48
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,076
These dogs used to be plump and jolly...
49
00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:43,705
before their humans betrayed them.
50
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:47,917
You know, I agreed to get a dog
because you miss Norman so much.
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00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,252
Why don't you get a Norman?
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Wow.
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Good idea, right?
54
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:53,965
No. That "wow" was short for
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"I can't believe you'd think
I'm the kind of monster
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who would buy a dog from a breeder
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when there are
millions of rescues who need homes."
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That's what "wow" is short for?
Hmm.
59
00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:07,687
I guess I've been using it wrong
all these years.
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Look at Robinson.
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He was left in a dumpster.
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And Cadillac's owners died.
63
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Who's gonna take a geriatric Pit Bull?
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00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:21,034
And how about brave little Cissy?
65
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She had half her teeth removed...
66
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but she's still smiling.
67
00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:28,333
Sweetheart, just pick a dog. Any dog.
68
00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:30,585
You can't keep doing this
to yourself or me.
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But mainly you. But also me.
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You're right.
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I'll try to narrow it down.
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Thank you.
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Oh, God!
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Biscuit was just found
in a Costco parking lot.
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He was drinking
from a tipped-over can of Fanta!
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[Robert groans]
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- [spits]
- [man] Excuse me... sir.
78
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,284
- Excuse me, are you Coyote Bergstein?
- Hmm.
79
00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:06,371
The one and only, except for that one
in Toronto that I...
80
00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:07,622
[grunts]
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00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:09,082
[Coyote gasps] Oh!
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00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:13,920
Oh.
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00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:18,400
- [woman] Were there any other questions?
- When they say,
84
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"It could cause murderous thoughts,"
what are the odds?
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Can you believe this amateur?
86
00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:29,394
Most people take that list of side effects
and throw it out when they get home.
87
00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:32,397
Ma'am, I need you to honor the privacy
zone in front of the footprints.
88
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:33,731
Of course. Sorry.
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[sighs]
I'm so sorry about that.
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00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:38,987
So, what are you in for? Lipitor? Fosamax?
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00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:41,364
- Januvia.
- Warfarin.
92
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Been there, took that.
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[Frankie]
So, this is what we do now?
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00:04:44,742 --> 00:04:49,247
Wait in line to get pills that keep us
well enough to wait in more lines?
95
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,332
Third prescription this week.
96
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,420
You do this three times a week?
How do you stand it?
97
00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:58,006
I don't. I sit it.
98
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:04,637
Look, I love magic
as much as the next guy,
99
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:07,056
but I have better things
to do with my time.
100
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,058
Me too. I'm missing my stories.
101
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,852
I could be with my granddaughter.
102
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I don't really have
anything else going on.
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[sighs]
104
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:36,669
Just for the record, I'm ignoring you.
You're not ignoring me.
105
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Interesting choice.
106
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:42,592
Ignoring me by running over here
and telling me you're ignoring me.
107
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Want to see how I do it?
108
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Thought we were ignoring each other.
109
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Well, you seem really torn up about that.
110
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What the hell is your problem?
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My problem is the Penelope Cruz knockoff
I met on her way to your penthouse.
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You went to my penthouse? Why?
113
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:01,485
Because...
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Because Frankie thought you
bought the beach house.
115
00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:08,201
And you were coming over
to yell at me for that?
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'Cause that's our problem.
117
00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:12,288
You yelling at me for things
people shouldn't get yelled at for.
118
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,790
No. That is not our problem.
119
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:16,584
Our problem is, how could you
sleep with someone so quickly?
120
00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:18,267
What makes you so sure I slept with her?
121
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Oh... didn't you?
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We all mourn in different ways.
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- [scoffs] Unbelievable.
- You know what's unbelievable?
124
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For a moment, I actually considered
buying Walden Villas to be with you.
125
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But old people complain too much.
126
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You want quiet tenants and nice profits?
127
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- Buy a minimum security prison near D.C.
- [scoffs]
128
00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:37,980
How can you make jokes?
129
00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:41,526
Do you have any idea
how I felt when I saw that girl?
130
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I mean, we had just broken up.
131
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Let's be clear. "We" didn't break up.
132
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You broke up with me which
you'd been trying to do for months.
133
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- That's not true.
- Yes, it is.
134
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I tried every possible way to show you
how much I wanted to be with you.
135
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:57,792
That I didn't care
about the age difference.
136
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You're the one who couldn't let it go.
137
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So, congratulations. You did it.
138
00:07:05,007 --> 00:07:06,676
You finally pushed me away.
139
00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:16,436
Come on, I have somewhere to be.
140
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:18,479
Let the older folks go ahead.
141
00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:22,316
What would Wolverine do
for an older Wolverine?
142
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,611
I have no idea. I abhor tent-pole movies.
143
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:29,782
You've got young legs,
you can stand longer than us.
144
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:32,827
I need my Accutane.
I'm not going to NYU a virgin.
145
00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:35,496
Yes, you are.
146
00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:41,627
This is taking forever.
Could you ask them to start another line?
147
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,880
No. I'm a security guard.
148
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:45,631
But you have any idea what it's like
149
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:49,343
to stand in one place all day
but not go anywhere?
150
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:52,013
Yes. I'm a security guard.
151
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,765
[sighs] Oh.
152
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,478
Tut-tut-tut.
153
00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,271
It's okay. I was here before.
154
00:08:00,354 --> 00:08:03,191
Yes, but you left, and you didn't
ask anyone to save your place.
155
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,028
You heard me, "Save my place", right?
156
00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:13,075
You're gonna leave NYU a virgin, too.
157
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[Frankie sighs]
158
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Oh.
159
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- That's a beautiful dog.
- Oh, thanks.
160
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He's Harry. I'm Audrey.
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Sol.
162
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:28,925
Harry, say hello to Sol.
163
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Aw.
164
00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:32,886
Which dog is yours?
165
00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:35,097
Uh... Rascal's pretty shy.
166
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:38,559
He likes to do his business
on the other side of the park.
167
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:41,062
They're real sticklers
about going off-leash here.
168
00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:42,730
Get him if you don't want a fine.
169
00:08:42,813 --> 00:08:46,067
I would, but I didn't actually
bring Rascal today.
170
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:47,527
Oh.
171
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:50,780
Mainly because there isn't a Rascal.
I brought the leash
172
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so I wouldn't look like the weirdo
who comes to a dog park without a dog.
173
00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:57,703
It's less weird
to bring a leash with no dog?
174
00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:00,623
Oh, God. Are you that flasher?
175
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:03,000
No, no, no. They caught that guy.
176
00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:04,585
Oh, okay.
177
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:07,797
Truth is, I'm here
for a bit of inspiration.
178
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:12,301
I really wanna get a dog of my own,
but I just can't seem to pick one.
179
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,302
I get that.
180
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:16,764
Not the leash,
but getting a pet is a big deal.
181
00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:20,268
But I think you know when you know.
You know?
182
00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:23,145
I wish Robert understood that.
183
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,189
Is Robert another pretend dog?
184
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:26,399
No, he's a man.
185
00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:27,942
A real man.
186
00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:29,151
My man.
187
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:30,528
- [Harry barks]
- Oh! [chuckles]
188
00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:31,946
Oh.
189
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:34,156
This is all I want.
190
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,660
Just a sweet, little snuggler
like you, Harry.
191
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:40,746
Yes, you are. You are a snuggler.
192
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:43,457
- I actually do know of a great dog.
- Really?
193
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:46,836
Yeah, my friend is trying
to find someone to take Harry's brother.
194
00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:50,715
You mean there's another one
just like him?
195
00:09:50,798 --> 00:09:53,426
I hate to admit it,
but Carl's even sweeter.
196
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:54,926
This is fate.
197
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:58,764
I'm looking for a dog. I meet you.
I'm not a flasher.
198
00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:01,684
You know a wonderful dog
who needs a home.
199
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:03,978
It's not that amazing.
We are in a dog park.
200
00:10:04,061 --> 00:10:05,187
- True.
- Yeah. [chuckles]
201
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:08,691
- So you want to meet him?
- Yes, please.
202
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:12,278
You will not be sorry,
my friend is the best breeder in town.
203
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:18,992
[sighs]
204
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,745
Looks like the swelling's down.
205
00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:22,121
[exhales] Thanks, Mal.
206
00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:23,956
Funny they call it a black eye.
207
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,125
- [sighs]
- It's more like a blueish-purple.
208
00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:29,045
- Like a dark magenta?
- That you're trying to figure out?
209
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:33,132
Not why a polite teen stepped out
of nowhere and punched me in the face?
210
00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:35,009
You sure
he isn't one of your students
211
00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:37,887
who's upset that you gave
the clarinet solo to somebody else?
212
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:40,723
None of my marching band kids
punch that hard. Except Terry.
213
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:42,850
But he's Mr. Salt's problem now.
214
00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:45,061
Turns out, when you come back from LA,
215
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,021
you get demoted to middle school band,
216
00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:50,024
and Mr. Salt is the rising star
at the high school.
217
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:52,860
Okay, let's try to think
through this logically.
218
00:10:52,943 --> 00:10:54,904
- Who would be that mad at you?
- [chuckles]
219
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,322
You've got to be more specific.
220
00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:59,575
I mean, are we talking friends,
neighbors, Brianna?
221
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,327
[chuckles] All right.
222
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,788
Who was the last person who hit you?
223
00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:07,249
Are we talking
closed-fist, slaps, Brianna?
224
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,585
Okay, I think we're getting
off track here.
225
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,879
What could you have done
to make this kid so angry?
226
00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:12,962
I don't know.
227
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:16,258
You know, I haven't done anything
punch-worthy since I got sober.
228
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:18,803
What was the most punch-worthy
thing you did
229
00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:20,429
before you got sober?
230
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,264
[sighs]
231
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,975
- Driving on your lawn comes to mind.
- Yeah.
232
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:27,728
You know, but other than that,
it was mostly just, like,
233
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:31,565
wham-bamming a bunch of ma'ams
and then not thanking them.
234
00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:32,692
Nice.
235
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:36,445
Wait, you think this kid
has something to do with that?
236
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:40,116
- How would he have something to do with...
- Well, how irresponsible were you?
237
00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:44,328
Oh, God.
238
00:11:45,579 --> 00:11:46,497
Wait, you think...
239
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:49,250
Could he be your son?
240
00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:57,383
[voicemail]
Your call is important to us.
241
00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:59,885
- Someone will be with you shortly.
- Eff you, robot.
242
00:12:00,344 --> 00:12:01,721
Can you believe this bullshit?
243
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:04,432
I called the pharmacy
to complain about their lines,
244
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:09,019
and some robot puts me on hold,
as if hold isn't another digital line.
245
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,856
- Uh-huh.
- [sighs]
246
00:12:11,939 --> 00:12:13,607
Grace, are you listening to me?
247
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:15,234
Uh-huh.
248
00:12:16,193 --> 00:12:18,446
I know why you're distracted.
249
00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:20,740
Because you won't stop talking
about robots?
250
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:22,491
No. I'm riveting.
251
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,702
You're upset because of Nick.
252
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:28,622
- He was incredibly rude.
- Not buying it, sister.
253
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:30,225
- [huffs]
- When people are rude to you,
254
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:33,419
you banish them
to the studio without queso.
255
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:34,920
This is something else.
256
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:37,423
This is hurt with a tinge of regret.
257
00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:39,925
Go to your studio without queso.
258
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:42,178
Oh, I struck a nerve.
259
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:46,348
Ah. It's okay to admit you miss him.
260
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:48,142
I don't miss him.
261
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:52,062
It was easier not to miss him...
[chuckles] when I didn't see him.
262
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:53,898
But what does it matter?
263
00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:55,274
I blew it. It's over.
264
00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:56,525
- It's not over.
- [sighs]
265
00:12:56,609 --> 00:13:00,362
It's just the part of the movie
where you have to run through the airport.
266
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,531
I really don't have the knees for that.
267
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,242
I'm talking about doing something big
to win him back.
268
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:07,453
[scoffs] Even if I could,
269
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:09,288
I've never pursued a man. I...
270
00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:11,916
I don't know how.
271
00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:14,376
Well, thank Gal Gadot you have me.
272
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,630
Back in the day,
I had to woo Sol pretty hard.
273
00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:19,423
[laughs] Really?
274
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:22,676
You had to woo a man that wears sandals
made out of truck tires?
275
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:24,720
Oh, scoff all you want.
276
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,514
He was a Woodstock nine.
277
00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,849
Maybe a nine-and-a-half
without the sandals.
278
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,601
Okay, I'll bite.
279
00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:32,436
How did you woo Sol?
280
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:36,023
I climbed through his window,
covered his apartment floor with flowers.
281
00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:37,483
Yeah. Again, the knee issue.
282
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:41,612
I placed a classified ad that said,
"Hey, Sol, come and get me."
283
00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:42,905
This isn't helping.
284
00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:45,866
It didn't help Sol, either.
I forgot to put my name and number.
285
00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:48,410
Seriously, Frankie, what am I gonna do?
286
00:13:50,454 --> 00:13:54,291
I don't know, but whatever it is,
you have to put yourself out there.
287
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:58,295
You might even have to sacrifice
your dignity a little.
288
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:01,340
But isn't it worth it
if you could get him back?
289
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,162
[man over phone]
Hello, thanks for holding, this is Darren.
290
00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:09,056
Uh... Yes, hello, Darren. It's about time.
291
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:12,184
You don't know me,
but I'm your worst nightmare.
292
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:16,397
I just fought City Hall and got
three seconds added to a crosswalk,
293
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,567
and I'm just one
sock puppet soliloquy away
294
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:22,945
from getting my granddaughter
to laugh for the first time.
295
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:25,322
So sorry, I'm going to have
to put you on hold again.
296
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:26,406
No, Darren.
297
00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:28,909
Darren, don't do me like this.
298
00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:32,162
- [music plays over phone]
- [sighs] Don't do me like this!
299
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:33,455
[groans softly]
300
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,499
[Robert] Who gave you that little goodie?
301
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:38,252
Who could abandon a face like that?
302
00:14:38,335 --> 00:14:41,130
Let's not bring up abandonment.
It's an issue for him.
303
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:46,343
You know, I was a little worried about
getting a rescue, but Carl's so loving.
304
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,137
You picked a good one.
305
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,557
I'd say it's more like he picked me.
306
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,018
- Then he picked a good one, too.
- [doorbell rings]
307
00:14:54,101 --> 00:14:56,228
Oh, that's Oliver.
308
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,022
Peter begged me to coach him.
309
00:14:58,105 --> 00:14:59,607
Surprise, surprise!
310
00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:04,028
A 30-year-old doesn't quite have
the gravitas to play Don Quixote.
311
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,657
- You're not Oliver.
- Nope, I'm Bud.
312
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:12,202
- [Robert] Of course you are.
- Hey, you finally picked a dog!
313
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:15,205
Yep, this is Carl.
314
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:16,790
What is he, a Jack Russell?
315
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:17,874
No.
316
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,419
No, no, no, no. He's a mutt.
317
00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:22,880
[Bud scoffs]
318
00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:23,964
Why'd you name him Carl?
319
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:28,093
Uh... Oh, because he was found
at a Carl's Jr.
320
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:30,846
I was found in a Carl's Jr. once.
321
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,182
Sol made me come home and eat carrots.
322
00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:34,183
[chuckles]
323
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:35,684
You sure this guy's a mutt?
324
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:39,188
Who can say without a full DNA panel?
325
00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:43,108
But he's a rescue dog
who was found in a dumpster,
326
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:45,986
so, we absolutely
will never know for sure.
327
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:48,405
- [Bud scoffs]
- What are you doing here anyway?
328
00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:51,659
Uh, you asked me to stop by
to pick up your old food processor.
329
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,787
Right, for the baby food.
330
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:03,921
Wow, Carl's already better behaved
than any rescues we ever had.
331
00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:06,256
Mahatma ate the sleeves
off all my sweaters.
332
00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:08,926
- And who's eating all your sleeves now?
- [laughs]
333
00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:12,346
Hilarious from a guy in sweatpants.
Which shelter did you get him from?
334
00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:14,223
Uh...
335
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:17,893
You know, the one we got
Jerry Garcia from.
336
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:21,563
Oh... I thought we found Jerr-Bear
at the Strawberry Festival.
337
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:25,025
Why are we standing around here
talking about strawberry festivals?
338
00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:27,820
I thought you came over
to get a food processor.
339
00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:29,655
- I did.
- Great.
340
00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:32,449
So help me find
the fucking food processor.
341
00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:38,789
- [door opens]
- [clatters]
342
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,208
- That's not it.
- Okay.
343
00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:55,723
Hello, Nick.
344
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:59,560
You know, when people break up,
they usually see less of each other.
345
00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:03,731
Oh, please, I still see my exes.
Robert and...
346
00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:06,513
- I guess that's it.
- How did you even know I'd be here?
347
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:08,694
Well, how did you even know I'd be here?
348
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:12,322
Okay, I'm confused. What are we doing?
349
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:14,867
'Cause my lunch date's gonna be back
in a minute and...
350
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:18,037
...this isn't my job anymore.
351
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,997
I just wanna say that you were right.
352
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,249
I did push you away,
353
00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:24,543
but, Nick, I've changed.
354
00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:27,129
- You say that, b...
- No, I mean it.
355
00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:31,425
And I'm better for you than whatever
age-inappropriate sorority girl
356
00:17:31,508 --> 00:17:32,593
you're having lunch with.
357
00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:34,845
Great, 'cause here she is.
358
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:40,434
[scoffs] You really only have
two types, don't you?
359
00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:43,270
Grace, this is Cathleen.
360
00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:45,230
- My mother.
- No.
361
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:49,193
So, are you joining us for dessert?
362
00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:50,360
Oh, I don't know, Mom.
363
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:53,072
Grace, would you be comfortable with that?
364
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:55,157
Abso-tootin-lutely.
365
00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:58,744
Hmm. [chuckles]
366
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:06,627
[Coyote grunts]
367
00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:08,170
Jesus fuck.
368
00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:09,463
Wait! Wait! Wait!
369
00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:11,465
I think I might know why you're mad,
370
00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:15,219
but is there anything I can say that'd
convince you not to hit me again?
371
00:18:15,719 --> 00:18:16,845
No.
372
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:17,805
[moans]
373
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:21,642
[sighs] All right, I can't do it
with your face all scrunched up like that.
374
00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:23,185
Want me to turn around or...
375
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:24,686
No! No! Just stop helping me.
376
00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:26,355
[sighs]
377
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:28,398
[whines]
378
00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:30,526
I can't do it. You're too sad.
379
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:34,404
Can I ask you...
[stammers] how old you are?
380
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:36,615
What? I'm 17. Why?
381
00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:41,203
I'm trying to figure out if you could be
who I think you might possibly be.
382
00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,539
I'm the guy whose family you broke up.
383
00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:46,083
My dad read the emails
you sent my mom.
384
00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:47,501
What emails?
385
00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:50,230
You had an affair with my mom
and you don't remember?
386
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:53,549
If it was 17 years ago,
I don't remember much.
387
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,217
No, it was two years ago.
388
00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:57,803
Oh, thank God.
389
00:18:58,762 --> 00:18:59,805
Oh, thank God.
390
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:04,268
If those emails are
from two years ago, they're not from me.
391
00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:05,769
You need to hit someone else.
392
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:08,647
No, I know my mom came here to see you.
393
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:11,400
She told us she'd go
to New York to see Kinky Boots,
394
00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:12,818
but she came here for you.
395
00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:17,156
Wait, is your mom's name Krystle?
396
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:19,032
So you do remember her?
397
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,116
Yeah.
398
00:19:21,368 --> 00:19:23,203
But it's not what you think.
399
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,290
She's my mom.
400
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:29,168
- What?
- My birth mom.
401
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:30,836
And your mom.
402
00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:34,047
She's both... our moms.
403
00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:36,091
But she was my mom first.
404
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,719
And then she gave me up for adoption.
405
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,554
I don't understand.
406
00:19:40,637 --> 00:19:42,598
You're my half-brother.
407
00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:47,102
Jesus fuck.
408
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:51,481
Yeah.
[panting]
409
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:03,994
Was Carl found at a Carl's Jr.
or in a dumpster?
410
00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:07,456
It was a dumpster at a Carl's Jr.
411
00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:11,627
But wasn't that other dog
on the rescue site found in a dumpster?
412
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:15,631
There are plenty of unfortunate
dumpster pups out there, Robert.
413
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:16,840
Too many.
414
00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:18,508
[doorbell rings]
415
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,221
[panting]
416
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:24,973
Oliver, so relieved to see you.
417
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:27,309
- Relieved?
- No reason. [chuckles]
418
00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:30,604
Oh, my! Who is this fancy little pup?
419
00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:32,856
He's not a fancy pup!
He's a garbage pup!
420
00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:36,026
Uh, are you sure?
He looks like he could be a show dog.
421
00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:38,028
Man, he's got great conformation,
422
00:20:38,111 --> 00:20:40,239
and the alignment with his forelegs
to his withers.
423
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:41,323
How do you know that?
424
00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:44,201
Oh, my mother used to show
German shepherds. [chuckles]
425
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:45,827
Uh-oh!
426
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,830
And this guy has got perfect form.
Where'd you get him?
427
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:49,998
From a shelter, right, Dad?
428
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,584
"Adopt, don't shop."
"Buy a dog, kill a dog."
429
00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:54,461
Isn't that what you always told us?
430
00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:56,171
I miss veal.
431
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,465
Well, don't shelters
usually neuter the dogs?
432
00:20:58,548 --> 00:21:01,551
Because this little guy
has still got his balls. [chuckles]
433
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:05,430
They're prosthetic. For his confidence.
434
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,057
Dad, enough.
435
00:21:07,140 --> 00:21:10,018
Sol, spit it out.
436
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,354
Okay. He's not a rescue.
[pants]
437
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:13,689
I got him from a breeder!
438
00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:17,609
I looked at his furry little face
and I became a monster!
439
00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:23,991
I'm Sol Bergstein and I paid $3,000
for a purebred show dog.
440
00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:27,286
Wow. And to be clear,
441
00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:30,330
that wow was short for
"Wow, sweetheart.
442
00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:32,541
- You're a huge hypocrite."
- [scoffs]
443
00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:35,210
For that much, I hope he came with papers.
[chuckles]
444
00:21:39,715 --> 00:21:41,842
I get why you hate him.
445
00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:48,890
Senior Fast Pass customer,
passing through.
446
00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:51,226
Senior Fast Pass customer,
passing through.
447
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:54,313
You go ahead of me.
I don't have one of those passes.
448
00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:57,691
Lucky for you, mine says "plus one".
449
00:21:57,774 --> 00:21:59,067
- Oh.
- [chuckles]
450
00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:01,820
- [Frankie sighs]
- Oh, God, what is it now?
451
00:22:01,903 --> 00:22:04,406
I've just been on the phone
with corporate.
452
00:22:04,489 --> 00:22:07,617
And they are shocked
at your inhuman wait times
453
00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:10,787
and they gave me this Fast Pass card
to make up for it.
454
00:22:10,871 --> 00:22:13,874
So, prescription Bergstein,
Hanson and my new friend...
455
00:22:13,957 --> 00:22:17,294
- Marie Slovatkin.
- Marie Slovatkin.
456
00:22:19,379 --> 00:22:21,590
Security to the pharmacy, please.
457
00:22:21,673 --> 00:22:23,133
I'm not with her, I swear.
458
00:22:23,216 --> 00:22:25,677
Oh, way to fight the power, Marie.
459
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:27,220
So, we meet again.
460
00:22:27,763 --> 00:22:29,348
We both knew we would.
461
00:22:29,431 --> 00:22:32,601
I'll need you two ladies to step behind
the privacy footprints now.
462
00:22:32,684 --> 00:22:34,561
But I have a Fast Pass.
463
00:22:34,644 --> 00:22:38,732
Looks like an old lady went full-metal
bonkers in the arts and crafts aisle.
464
00:22:38,815 --> 00:22:40,192
You gave me no choice.
465
00:22:40,275 --> 00:22:43,153
Marie and I don't have time
to give up everything in our lives
466
00:22:43,236 --> 00:22:45,238
to get the medicine we need.
467
00:22:45,322 --> 00:22:47,616
You do know they have
mail-order prescriptions, right?
468
00:22:47,699 --> 00:22:51,203
The post office? I'm already
three beefs deep with them.
469
00:22:51,286 --> 00:22:52,662
I am not surprised by that.
470
00:22:52,746 --> 00:22:55,165
Listen you, I could be
with my baby right now.
471
00:22:55,707 --> 00:22:58,835
Not my baby, technically,
but spiritually.
472
00:22:58,919 --> 00:23:00,629
So you go back there
473
00:23:00,712 --> 00:23:04,049
and you get us our goddamn drugs.
474
00:23:04,132 --> 00:23:05,133
[sighs]
475
00:23:05,217 --> 00:23:08,387
If it will finally get rid of you, fine.
476
00:23:11,431 --> 00:23:13,683
You know, this war was never about you.
477
00:23:14,184 --> 00:23:16,144
I just want everyone to be happy.
478
00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:18,939
Okay, I have Slovatkin and Hanson,
479
00:23:19,022 --> 00:23:21,191
but Bergstein, we're out
of both your prescriptions.
480
00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:22,543
You'll have to come back tomorrow.
481
00:23:22,567 --> 00:23:25,612
You have got to be flippin' kidding me.
482
00:23:25,987 --> 00:23:28,424
Don't think we've the kind
of relationship where we kid around.
483
00:23:28,448 --> 00:23:30,784
[cell phone buzzing]
484
00:23:33,787 --> 00:23:36,123
Mom, Faith just laughed
for the first time!
485
00:23:36,206 --> 00:23:38,917
Oh, no! Faith, do it again.
486
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,586
Quick, somebody get me a sock
and two googly eyes.
487
00:23:41,670 --> 00:23:42,879
[trilling lips]
488
00:23:43,547 --> 00:23:45,841
[blubbers]
489
00:23:47,092 --> 00:23:48,844
Okay, she's not doing it.
490
00:23:48,927 --> 00:23:51,263
I'm sorry.
I promise you'll see the next laugh.
491
00:23:51,346 --> 00:23:53,432
But it won't be her first.
492
00:23:55,434 --> 00:23:56,893
[Frankie sighs]
493
00:24:00,772 --> 00:24:02,149
Ah.
494
00:24:02,232 --> 00:24:05,026
Uh, all right, let's see what's better.
495
00:24:05,110 --> 00:24:08,738
To be honest, nothing could be worse
than this carrot cake.
496
00:24:08,822 --> 00:24:11,700
You should leave. This is your nightmare.
497
00:24:11,783 --> 00:24:13,410
Well, why are you saying that?
498
00:24:13,493 --> 00:24:15,078
You told me you hoped
my mom had passed
499
00:24:15,162 --> 00:24:17,289
so you'd never have a moment like this.
500
00:24:17,789 --> 00:24:20,375
Yet here we are, and I'm loving it.
501
00:24:21,084 --> 00:24:23,336
So, how do you two know each other?
502
00:24:23,753 --> 00:24:25,714
Mom, this is Grace.
503
00:24:25,797 --> 00:24:27,841
Remember, I told you?
The woman I was seeing.
504
00:24:29,050 --> 00:24:31,595
[laughs]
505
00:24:31,678 --> 00:24:32,554
Who are you, really?
506
00:24:32,637 --> 00:24:34,806
Well, I'm Grace. I'm Nick's girlfriend.
507
00:24:34,890 --> 00:24:36,057
Ex-girlfriend.
508
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,019
Well, we've had a few hiccups.
509
00:24:39,102 --> 00:24:41,062
More like a fatal, full-body seizure.
510
00:24:42,063 --> 00:24:43,063
[Cathleen] Oh.
511
00:24:43,106 --> 00:24:46,109
So, you two were, um... dating?
512
00:24:46,610 --> 00:24:49,321
I know I'm not exactly
who you were picturing.
513
00:24:49,404 --> 00:24:51,072
Well, no. [chuckles]
514
00:24:51,156 --> 00:24:54,784
When Nicky said he was seeing
someone more mature for once,
515
00:24:54,868 --> 00:24:59,247
I was thinking you were maybe 40,
not 40 times two.
516
00:24:59,331 --> 00:25:01,291
Mom, she's not that old.
517
00:25:01,374 --> 00:25:02,751
Funny story for later...
518
00:25:02,834 --> 00:25:05,128
Mr. Skolka, I hope everything
was to your liking
519
00:25:05,212 --> 00:25:06,796
and that you and your mother...
520
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:10,967
[stammers] Well, she's the mother.
I mean, clearly she's the mother.
521
00:25:12,135 --> 00:25:14,638
Because you look so much like him,
522
00:25:14,721 --> 00:25:16,598
or he looks so much like you.
523
00:25:20,685 --> 00:25:23,104
So, Cathleen,
what brings you to San Diego?
524
00:25:23,188 --> 00:25:26,858
Oh, just seeing Nicky and my grandson.
525
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:29,069
Do you have grandkids?
526
00:25:29,152 --> 00:25:32,280
Yes, I do. They're so, so precious.
527
00:25:32,364 --> 00:25:33,657
I never met them.
528
00:25:34,491 --> 00:25:37,202
I don't see them as much as I'd like to.
529
00:25:37,285 --> 00:25:38,870
Oh, they live out of town?
530
00:25:40,038 --> 00:25:41,039
No.
531
00:25:41,831 --> 00:25:43,458
You two do have something in common.
532
00:25:43,542 --> 00:25:45,961
Mom just recently moved
into a retirement community.
533
00:25:46,044 --> 00:25:48,684
Of course, she called and told me
she was moving before she did it.
534
00:25:48,713 --> 00:25:53,468
Well, I'm here to tell you in person that
I've moved out of my retirement community.
535
00:25:53,552 --> 00:25:56,012
Oh, do you have a Richard, too?
536
00:25:56,096 --> 00:25:58,265
Because we kicked our Richard out.
537
00:25:58,348 --> 00:25:59,891
You shouldn't have to move.
538
00:25:59,975 --> 00:26:02,352
Oh, no, it was a big mistake
to move there.
539
00:26:02,435 --> 00:26:03,979
- [inhales] Well, for me.
- Oh.
540
00:26:04,062 --> 00:26:06,690
- It's perfect for some people, but...
- Hmm.
541
00:26:07,274 --> 00:26:09,442
[sighs]
I made a lot of mistakes.
542
00:26:09,818 --> 00:26:11,528
And so we agree.
543
00:26:12,028 --> 00:26:15,031
- On that note, I have a plane to catch.
- But...
544
00:26:15,532 --> 00:26:17,576
Mom, I'll see you when I get back.
545
00:26:18,034 --> 00:26:19,034
Grace...
546
00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:22,038
What was this?
547
00:26:22,122 --> 00:26:23,999
No, wait, don't leave.
548
00:26:24,457 --> 00:26:26,418
Nick, don't go.
[sighing]
549
00:26:27,460 --> 00:26:28,920
Nick, I love you.
550
00:26:30,338 --> 00:26:32,591
I know I've wasted a lot of our time,
551
00:26:32,674 --> 00:26:35,010
but I know what I want to do
with the time we have left.
552
00:26:35,093 --> 00:26:37,387
I want to do you.
[inhales]
553
00:26:37,470 --> 00:26:38,888
[Frankie sighs]
554
00:26:38,972 --> 00:26:40,849
Well, you know what I mean.
555
00:26:40,932 --> 00:26:42,183
I do, yeah. [chuckles]
556
00:26:46,521 --> 00:26:47,772
I'll see you, Grace.
557
00:26:49,858 --> 00:26:51,359
[Cathleen sighs]
558
00:26:51,443 --> 00:26:54,195
You sure know how to crash a lunch.
559
00:26:54,279 --> 00:26:55,614
Oh, thank you.
560
00:26:55,905 --> 00:26:57,907
[Son Little's "O Me, O My" playing]
561
00:27:01,828 --> 00:27:03,204
♪ O me o my ♪
562
00:27:05,582 --> 00:27:07,584
♪ O me, o my ♪
563
00:27:09,252 --> 00:27:11,171
♪ O me, o my ♪
564
00:27:11,254 --> 00:27:14,758
♪ Frozen in time
O me, o my ♪
565
00:27:17,802 --> 00:27:22,599
♪ Feel the death grip of fear
Wrap a claw around your petrified heart ♪
566
00:27:25,226 --> 00:27:26,978
♪ Ain't no way to make you stay ♪
567
00:27:27,062 --> 00:27:29,939
♪ You wanna run
And make a brand new start ♪
568
00:27:31,024 --> 00:27:32,192
♪ On Mars ♪
569
00:27:32,859 --> 00:27:37,781
♪ Feels like everywhere you go
Around the globe another terror awaits ♪
570
00:27:38,531 --> 00:27:39,658
♪ Yeah ♪
571
00:27:39,741 --> 00:27:41,993
♪ And no matter what you change ♪
572
00:27:42,077 --> 00:27:44,954
♪ All the pain and everything
Stays the same ♪
573
00:27:45,789 --> 00:27:46,915
♪ O my ♪
574
00:27:46,998 --> 00:27:48,583
♪ O me, o my ♪
575
00:27:49,250 --> 00:27:50,794
[woman] Okay, good night.