1 00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:08,717 [Grace Potter's "Stuck In The Middle" playing] 2 00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:16,057 ♪ Well, I don't know Why I came here tonight ♪ 3 00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:19,894 ♪ Got the feelin' That somethin' ain't right ♪ 4 00:00:20,645 --> 00:00:24,024 ♪ I'm so scared In case I fall off my chair ♪ 5 00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:28,319 ♪ And I'm wondering How I'll get down the stairs ♪ 6 00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:31,990 ♪ And there's clowns to the left of me Jokers to the right ♪ 7 00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:35,368 ♪ Here I am Stuck in the middle with you ♪ 8 00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:39,706 ♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪ 9 00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:43,626 ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ 10 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,136 Did you shrink? 11 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:54,888 No! 12 00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:57,766 Suck on that, gravity. 13 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,645 Congratulations. I, too, am fighting gravity and winning. 14 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:04,773 That's true, your boobs do look great. 15 00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:06,775 I'm talking about the pulley system. 16 00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,526 So, my idea worked. 17 00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:09,610 Like a charm. 18 00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:10,652 Oh. 19 00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:14,365 I just tie a few bath towels together to make a rope, 20 00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:18,703 swing it over a bronze sculpture that I drag in from the living room, 21 00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:21,122 hoist my way up to a standing position. 22 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:22,582 Couldn't be easier. 23 00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:25,794 It could if you'd just tell Nick you got stuck on the toilet. 24 00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:27,545 Oh, no. God! 25 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:31,007 That image would be stuck forever in his brain. 26 00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:35,220 Speaking of Nick, um... 27 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:38,807 [clicks tongue] I kind of have a... a big favor to ask you. 28 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:39,891 How big? 29 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,769 I just fireman-carried you off a commode. 30 00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:45,772 I was hoping you'd go to a charity benefit with us this weekend. 31 00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:49,776 What are we talking? Full dinner? Passed apps? Make your own sundae? 32 00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:51,539 - I don't have that information. - I'm out. 33 00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:52,654 Oh, please. 34 00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:55,949 [exhales] It's our first event as a couple. 35 00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:59,285 All Nick's friends are gonna be there... judging me. 36 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,496 So? Judge them right back. 37 00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:03,206 You sure gave me the stink eye 38 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:06,292 when Sol and I went to that Bar Association benefit. 39 00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:09,587 It was black tie, and you looked like a cartoon fortune-teller. 40 00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,840 Everyone loved my outfit. 41 00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:13,842 And my palm readings. 42 00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:17,846 Look, it's been a long time since I had to dazzle on the arm of a husband. 43 00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:23,601 And... let's just say, recent events have left me feeling less than dazzling. 44 00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:25,687 [Grace exhales] 45 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:28,356 I need my emotional support witch. 46 00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:31,860 All right. But I will be telling fortunes. 47 00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:34,863 Go for it. Anything to draw attention away from me. 48 00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,614 Hmm. It is short notice, 49 00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:40,785 but I could probably call in a few favors and borrow a crow. 50 00:02:41,744 --> 00:02:43,913 I don't think you need any props. 51 00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:47,041 This is distraction enough. 52 00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:49,961 Way to kill a sister's crow buzz. 53 00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:51,546 [dog barks] 54 00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:55,967 All I'm saying is it wasn't that bad. 55 00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:58,469 You like Dr. Rogers. 56 00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,763 Everyone in the office kept saying 57 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,682 - how cute we were... - [toy squeaks] 58 00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:04,934 - [growls] - ...doing back-to-back physicals. 59 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,770 And you know something? We are cute. 60 00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:12,984 So, what do you say, back-to-back colonoscopies next? 61 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,027 Robert? 62 00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:19,490 Robert? 63 00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:25,079 How did you make a banana split so fast? 64 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,040 I made it before we left. 65 00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:29,042 And why? 66 00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:33,755 It's my understanding death row inmates are given a last meal of their choice. 67 00:03:33,838 --> 00:03:36,382 Aren't we catastrophizing a bit? 68 00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:39,302 I don't know. It's never a good sign 69 00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:42,680 when the nurse taking your blood pressure says, "Uh-oh!" 70 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:45,850 We haven't even gotten the results back yet. 71 00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,769 I've already got "uh-oh." 72 00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:50,605 So either I'm dying, or I'm gonna die 73 00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:53,566 because I have to give up everything that I love. 74 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,860 Any way you put it, dead man walking. 75 00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:59,447 So your great plan is to stress eat till the doctor calls? 76 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:03,701 The chickens have come home to roost. May as well fry them. 77 00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:05,453 No. No frying. 78 00:04:05,536 --> 00:04:09,040 I'm gonna find something to take your mind off this. 79 00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:13,711 How about a family game night? That's always fun. 80 00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,138 We're out of fudge. 81 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:27,392 Is everybody staring? I... I feel like people are staring. 82 00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:30,186 Only because you look amazing, which makes them jealous. 83 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,397 Which is, of course, why I go to charity events. 84 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,858 And the children. They're people, damn it. They should be allowed to work. 85 00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:38,861 And Frankie, you've outdone yourself. 86 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:39,946 Well, thanks. 87 00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:44,659 I was going for a Thunderdome meets Floyd Pepper from The Muppets vibe. 88 00:04:44,742 --> 00:04:46,286 It's totally working for you. 89 00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:50,915 Not that any of these Gatsbys would look past their monocles to notice. 90 00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:55,253 Why don't you do a lap, you know, maybe check out the silent auction? 91 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,213 Ugh, snore. 92 00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:01,384 Actually, I hear they're auctioning off Jerry Garcia's shoes. 93 00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:04,053 - Are you sure you don't mind? - Do your thing. 94 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:08,766 At last, something to put on my plaster casts of Jerry Garcia's feet. 95 00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:11,936 Boy, she's quick. 96 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,439 Yeah, you should see her when there's a face-painting booth. 97 00:05:14,522 --> 00:05:15,648 There's Sam Miller. 98 00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:16,941 Who's that? 99 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:19,193 He's the guy who gave me my first business loan. 100 00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:22,196 Then when I lost the money, he still gave me a job. 101 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,781 - He's a great guy. - Oh. 102 00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:26,034 Well, I'd like to meet him. 103 00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:29,996 Hey, Sam! 104 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,081 Nick Skolka! 105 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,916 [both laughing] 106 00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:38,713 Long time. How the hell are you? 107 00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:41,466 - I got married! - Oh, really? To who? 108 00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:44,010 - Me. - Oh. 109 00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:45,136 [stammers] 110 00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:47,180 Hey, it was a surprise to us, too. 111 00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:50,058 Speaking of remarriages, where's your lovely wife this evening? 112 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,018 - Right over there. - Oh. 113 00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:56,147 [slight chuckle] 114 00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:09,494 No, it can't be. 115 00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:12,246 My white whale? My destiny? 116 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,374 Hello, I'm Don. I'm one of the volunteers. 117 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:16,292 And I believe those are... 118 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,503 The sneakers Jerry Garcia wore 119 00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:20,797 during all nine sold-out shows 120 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:25,176 at Madison Square Garden in 1991. 121 00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:28,638 Don, the bid sheet, if you please. 122 00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:33,267 There's already a bid? 123 00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:37,355 One of these fat cats is trying to steal my shoes? 124 00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:41,192 This is for charity. You know, trying to get more computers in our schools. 125 00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:45,238 Yeah, yeah, yeah, charity, schools. Who's bidder number 210? 126 00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:47,407 I don't know. It's a silent auction. 127 00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,700 Well, can you make out that squiggle? 128 00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:53,996 Yeah. Uh, looks like a little peace sign in quotes. 129 00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:56,290 Oh, I get it. 130 00:06:56,749 --> 00:06:59,377 'Cause the '60s. Funny. 131 00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:02,422 Is it? Or is an ironic peace sign 132 00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:06,634 an affront to everything a real Deadhead stands for? 133 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:11,639 Okay, 210. Here's my bid and a little doodle for you. 134 00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:15,601 One middle finger. Hold the quotes. 135 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,398 I told you this would be fun. 136 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,108 Bob Fosse. 137 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,277 Died of a heart attack. 138 00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:27,142 Dad, you're not supposed to say the name of the celebrity. 139 00:07:27,196 --> 00:07:28,239 Sorry, dear. 140 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:29,657 Blankety-blank. 141 00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:32,368 Died of a ham sandwich. 142 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:35,371 - Oh, I hate Celebrity. - That's because you're bad at it. 143 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,498 I can't help it if my dad knows everyone old 144 00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:39,917 and Brianna gets crazy eyes when we play. 145 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,378 You think it's any easier being on Bud's team? 146 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:46,382 I see you're counting down the minutes till the Hansons win again. 147 00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:49,302 Not this time. Allison makes me watch Bravo. 148 00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:51,679 I know the names of all the Real Housewives. 149 00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:54,223 But do you know the name of every single guest 150 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:57,143 at Prince Harry and Meghan's wedding? 'Cause I do. 151 00:07:57,226 --> 00:07:59,228 All the lesser royals. 152 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,438 You're still gonna lose. 153 00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:01,689 You're still gonna be Bud. 154 00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:04,901 I saw a dolphin on the beach today. 155 00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:08,196 - Did you? - Really? Today? 156 00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:11,574 Yes. I definitely saw a dolphin. 157 00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:14,160 When did you see a dolphin? We've been together all day. 158 00:08:14,243 --> 00:08:16,579 You don't know what my eyes see. 159 00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:20,124 Wait, I feel like you were talking about dolphins last time we played. 160 00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:21,501 Interesting. 161 00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:33,638 What? There's no code. 162 00:08:33,971 --> 00:08:36,307 - Jesus, Coyote. - So there is a code. 163 00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:39,018 Well, either Coyote and Bud are the worst Manchurian Candidates 164 00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:41,395 the world has ever seen, or you three are cheating. 165 00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,064 We are not cheating. 166 00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:44,774 We're kind of cheating. 167 00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:48,277 How could you, Sol? In my final hours. 168 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,988 What we're doing is not a bad thing. 169 00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:52,907 What kind of "thing" is it? 170 00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:58,204 We say "dolphins on the beach" when we decide to let you guys win. 171 00:08:58,579 --> 00:08:59,705 Wow. 172 00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:02,750 For the record, I never want you to win. I just... I get outvoted. 173 00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:04,502 [Mallory] This cannot be true. 174 00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:07,463 - Seriously? - When did you ever let us win? 175 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,508 Uh, let's see... When Brianna got fired from Dippin' Dots. 176 00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:13,678 I wasn't fired. I was asked not to return from vacation. 177 00:09:13,761 --> 00:09:15,680 That one time that Mallory froze up 178 00:09:15,763 --> 00:09:18,224 like a deer in the headlights for the whole round. 179 00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:21,394 Thanks, Coyote. Now my back is sweating. 180 00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:23,980 So why are you letting us win tonight? 181 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:26,941 Um, it's nothing. 182 00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:30,444 I'm just waiting for some test results. 183 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:32,446 Oh, God, is everything okay? 184 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:33,966 - [groans softly] - What kind of tests? 185 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,908 Everything's fine. It was just a checkup. 186 00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:39,078 But you know how your dad worries. 187 00:09:39,161 --> 00:09:42,832 I thought a game night might take his mind off it. 188 00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:46,127 A distraction is one thing, a pity victory is another. 189 00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:49,338 Is it that big of a deal? We were just being nice. 190 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,007 The Bergsteins believe in charity. 191 00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:52,758 Is that why you got the law firm? 192 00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:55,511 - How'd you get Say Grace, again? - Enough. No more fighting. 193 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,347 And no more of this cheating-to-lose nonsense. 194 00:09:58,431 --> 00:09:59,765 The Hansons are gonna win 195 00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:01,392 - fair and square. - [laughs] 196 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:04,395 [clears throat] I-I wouldn't mind a charity win. 197 00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:07,440 Good Lord, Mallory, get your head in the game! 198 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,777 Evening, ladies. 199 00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:14,614 This is my wife, Chelsea. 200 00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:16,699 - Chelsea, you remember Nick Skolka. - Hi. 201 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:19,785 And this is Grace. She and Nick just got married. 202 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:26,334 Oh. Nick, you got to meet my new CFO. 203 00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:29,045 He's a genius of tax evasion. 204 00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:31,672 - Ooh. Maybe I'll steal him from you. - [chuckles] 205 00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:36,552 - You'll be okay, right? - [scoffs] I can take care of myself. 206 00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:45,561 Hi, I'm Chelsea. 207 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,021 I thought you were Chelsea. 208 00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:49,190 - [both] We both are. - Oh. 209 00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:51,317 Hey, I'm Skye. 210 00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:53,944 Hey, I'm Kayla. 211 00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:55,279 Hey. 212 00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,241 So you're Nick's new wife? 213 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,618 [exhales] That's me. 214 00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:02,703 - I'm the new wife, too. - Me too. 215 00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:03,787 Oh. 216 00:11:06,874 --> 00:11:08,084 What... What do you all do? 217 00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:09,627 What do you mean? 218 00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:11,712 - [Grace] Well, for work. - Oh. 219 00:11:12,296 --> 00:11:13,631 You mean like our charity work? 220 00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:16,759 Well, sure. Or, you know, "work" work. 221 00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:21,013 Well, I am thinking about maybe starting my own business. 222 00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:22,723 Well, that's exciting. 223 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:25,309 - Yeah. - I actually started two businesses. 224 00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:27,353 - Oh. - What are you thinking of doing? 225 00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:29,980 I want to make candy. For dogs. 226 00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:34,735 - Oh. Is there a market for that? - [Chelsea] I think so. 227 00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:38,572 People like candy, and dogs like what people like, so... 228 00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:41,343 - It's so important to have your own thing. - [Chelsea] Mm-hmm. 229 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,035 - Right? - Yeah. 230 00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:47,123 Wow, two whole businesses. 231 00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:49,500 I want to be you when I grow up. 232 00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:51,335 [exhales] 233 00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:52,503 - Thank you. - [Kayla] Yeah. 234 00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:55,047 All my grandma does is play bridge. 235 00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:57,466 - Oh. - [Kayla and Skye chuckle] 236 00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,844 Could I get you ladies together for a group shot? 237 00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:01,262 Ooh. Fun. 238 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,974 Oh, no, no, Grace, don't get up. We'll come to you. 239 00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:12,773 Smile, girls. 240 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:16,110 [camera shutter clicking] 241 00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:18,696 He was the captain of the Slytherin team. 242 00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:21,365 [stammers] He's zipping around with the scarf. 243 00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:24,201 Come on! Terrible teeth. 244 00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:25,745 - I... - Time's up! 245 00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:30,249 - I begged you to read Harry Potter. - Well, it was scary. 246 00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:35,171 That round was pitiful. Suspiciously pitiful. 247 00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,923 I agree. How do we know you're not still letting us win? 248 00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,426 We're not. These two are dead weight. 249 00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:45,473 Excuse me for temporarily blanking on Boutros Boutros-Ghali. 250 00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:47,558 All right. Fine, that was a hard one. 251 00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:50,936 But how do you explain what happened with "first man on the moon"? 252 00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:54,982 Buzz Lightyear and Stretch Armstrong are totally legitimate guesses. 253 00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:57,735 I think we need an embarrassing punishment for the losers, 254 00:12:57,818 --> 00:13:00,070 - just to keep everyone honest. - Great idea. 255 00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:01,322 How embarrassing? 256 00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:05,743 Something like... the losers have to do stand-up at an open-mic night. 257 00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:09,371 Bring it. I have a tight five on Faith's teething that Allison says would kill. 258 00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:13,751 How about the losers have to stay away from the family? 259 00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,212 No brunches, no game nights... 260 00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,506 Sol, you're being awfully quiet. 261 00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:22,843 Because this idea is punitive and shows a deep lack of trust. 262 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:25,638 Says the Goody Two-shoes cheater. 263 00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:28,808 All right, Robert, if it will make you happy, 264 00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:32,895 how about the losers have to dress up like mimes 265 00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:34,855 and perform in front of Starbucks. 266 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,607 Is that awful enough for you? 267 00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:39,360 It's humiliating. 268 00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:40,860 I dig it. 269 00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:43,447 I'm not afraid. Allison says I'm an amazing mime. 270 00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:45,157 I could use the tip money. 271 00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:49,578 Wait, I'm not in. You all know I have performance anxiety. 272 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:53,249 - Then you'll have extra motivation to win. - [Bud] What's wrong, Mal? Are the... 273 00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:55,543 Oh, ah, ah, ah. 274 00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:56,961 ...walls closing in? 275 00:13:57,044 --> 00:14:00,339 That's impressive. Now all you need is a ventriloquist dummy, 276 00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:02,633 and your virginity will grow back. 277 00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:06,010 [sound of arrow] 278 00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:09,890 - Aha! - Oh. 279 00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,560 If it isn't bidder number 210. 280 00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:16,522 She's been down there for a while, napping against my leg. 281 00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:19,400 Hi. You must be bidder number 47. 282 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,068 Loved your doodle. 283 00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:23,779 You weren't supposed to love it. That was a warning shot. 284 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,990 Next doodle, I'm going nuclear. 285 00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:30,077 Uh, I'm just here for the sneakers. And to support a good cause. 286 00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:31,954 He gets it. 287 00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:36,333 Why do you even want them? You're clearly not a real Deadhead. 288 00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:38,961 Why not? Because I can carry off a great suit? 289 00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:40,379 You really can. 290 00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:41,547 [chuckles] 291 00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:43,424 If you're a Deadhead, prove it. 292 00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:46,135 My first show was in 1971. 293 00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:47,469 Fillmore East? 294 00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:49,847 No. The Capitol Theatre. 295 00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:52,850 That was my first tour, too. Changed my life. 296 00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:57,646 Okay, but how many shows did you see at the Garden in '91 297 00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,982 when Jerry wore the sneakers? 298 00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:02,484 All nine. How many did you see? 299 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,278 - Seven. - Oh. 300 00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:07,656 But only because I got too high and fell asleep on a bus. 301 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:08,991 [chuckles] 302 00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:10,451 Twice. 303 00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:13,287 Well, it's been a pleasure, 47. 304 00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:16,415 And when you lose the auction, just remember what Jerry said: 305 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,543 "If you plant ice, you're gonna harvest wind." 306 00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:22,755 You're the one who's gonna harvest wind, my friend. 307 00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,799 'Cause I can keep bidding all night! 308 00:15:26,133 --> 00:15:27,176 So can I. 309 00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,305 Wow, what a generous bid. 310 00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:34,391 Oh, don't fall for the bad boys, Don. 311 00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:36,143 And hand me that sheet. 312 00:15:39,563 --> 00:15:42,232 Okay, he showed Janet Jackson's boob at the Super Bowl. 313 00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:44,526 - Wha... - He wrote "Cry Me a River" about Britney. 314 00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:47,738 I don't know! I can't think! 315 00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:49,198 Is he a K-pop? 316 00:15:49,531 --> 00:15:51,408 No. Dad, stop saying K-pop. 317 00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:54,244 Mallory, in fifth grade, you said you wanted to marry him. 318 00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:59,833 - Kenny? - Oh, my God! 319 00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:01,502 - Kenny? - [laughing] 320 00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:07,549 [exhales] I need another vodka... martini. 321 00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:08,633 Frankie. 322 00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:09,718 Shh. 323 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:13,639 My Spidey-senses are tingling. He's about to bid again. 324 00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,182 Who's "he"? 325 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:18,477 Great suit. Bidding war. Keep up. 326 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:22,064 Meanwhile, Nick and Sam are off making some deal, 327 00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:24,358 and I get stuck with the Mean Girls. 328 00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:27,194 Oh, Grace, I'm sorry, I should have been there. 329 00:16:27,277 --> 00:16:31,407 You're not great with young people. And teenagers can be so cruel. 330 00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:34,201 They're not literally mean girls. 331 00:16:34,284 --> 00:16:36,370 They're young, vapid trophy wives. 332 00:16:37,871 --> 00:16:40,082 One of them wants to make candy for dogs. 333 00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:42,376 Have you ever heard of anything so stupid? 334 00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:48,382 Uh, I'm sorry. I... I didn't mean it. 335 00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:49,466 Yes, you did. 336 00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:52,011 You just didn't mean for me to hear it. 337 00:16:52,928 --> 00:16:53,928 [exhales] 338 00:16:56,765 --> 00:17:00,060 Told you. As a younger person myself, 339 00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:03,147 even I have felt uncomfortable being around you. 340 00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:07,693 [Frankie] Chelsea still looks really upset, 341 00:17:07,776 --> 00:17:10,154 - but the brunette is giving her cake. - [exhales] 342 00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,906 Sam just told me you insulted his wife. 343 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,992 - What the hell did you say? - [Frankie] Mmm. 344 00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:17,661 I think it's time for another bid. 345 00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:19,538 - Good luck. - You, too. 346 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,080 Well? 347 00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:26,045 She heard me say she was a trophy wife and that her idea is stupid. 348 00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,756 Which, in my defense, it is. 349 00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:32,885 Well, it's traditional to wait till the car ride home to trash people. 350 00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:34,928 I'm not excusing what I did, 351 00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,680 but she insulted me, too. 352 00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:38,015 - What did she say? - [exhales] 353 00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:40,100 She wants to be me when she grows up. 354 00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:41,894 - And? - [scoffs] 355 00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:45,189 And they don't think I'm spry enough to squat for a picture. 356 00:17:45,522 --> 00:17:47,107 Who squats for a picture? 357 00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:48,901 - Young women! - Oh... 358 00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:52,029 Is this age thing always gonna be an issue for you? 359 00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:54,239 Clearly, it's an issue for you, too. 360 00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:58,786 I saw you when Sam's mouth was hanging open like an oven door 361 00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:00,537 after he heard you married me. 362 00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:02,289 What was I supposed to say? 363 00:18:02,372 --> 00:18:04,833 You're supposed to say, "Shut your oven door mouth. 364 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,668 I'm lucky to have this woman!" 365 00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:10,881 You're right. 366 00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:13,509 It was awkward. I felt for the guy. 367 00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,677 I didn't know how to handle it. I... 368 00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:17,638 I'm sorry. 369 00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:19,306 Thank you. 370 00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:22,392 But you were still mean to his wife. 371 00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:26,438 Technically, I was mean near his wife. 372 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:29,608 Look, I'm sorry they made you feel bad. 373 00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:33,570 But... you're the grown-up here. 374 00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:34,905 Regrettably. 375 00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:37,741 So don't you think you should be the one to... 376 00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:39,576 to fix this? 377 00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:47,459 Oh... 378 00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:50,587 - Dame Judi Dench! - [excited cry] 379 00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:52,131 Yes! Yes! 380 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,298 [both grunting] 381 00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:55,551 - [laughs] Okay! - Good job. 382 00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:56,969 - How many? - [Bud] Ah... 383 00:18:57,052 --> 00:18:59,638 Thirteen. Way to catch up, Bergsteins. 384 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:01,926 We can still win this thing. 385 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:05,394 I don't know. They only need three to win, and it's Brianna's turn. 386 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:06,895 Actually, it's mine. 387 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,897 And it's the hard round with the two-word clues. 388 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,275 Oh, sweet, merciful saints. 389 00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:13,443 [softly] Okay. Just relax. 390 00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:16,405 Why are you brushing me like that? 391 00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:19,366 It's what I do with Spit when there are fireworks. 392 00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:21,952 - I like it. - I know you do, girl. 393 00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:23,871 - It's nice. I like it. - Um, are you ready? 394 00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:25,431 [child-like voice] That's a good girl. 395 00:19:25,455 --> 00:19:26,707 - That's a good girl. - Okay. 396 00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,376 And go! 397 00:19:30,043 --> 00:19:31,086 [Bud chuckles] 398 00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:32,921 Uh... runs Russia. 399 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:35,007 - Vladimir Putin. - Good. 400 00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:38,093 - Greatest woman. - [yells] Oprah! 401 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,262 [squeals] Oh, my God, I'm killing it! 402 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:41,680 Let's not get cocky. 403 00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:45,017 [exhales] 404 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:47,394 Uh... 405 00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:48,854 [stifled laughter] 406 00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:50,272 - Shh! - God. 407 00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:53,483 Okay, okay, okay. Mallory. Come back to us. 408 00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:55,736 Follow the sound of my voice. 409 00:19:55,819 --> 00:19:58,155 Say something, sweetheart. Anything. 410 00:19:58,238 --> 00:19:59,239 [Coyote laughs] 411 00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:00,523 Got to start talking, Mallory. 412 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,535 Not no. 413 00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:06,038 Not no? Yes? 414 00:20:06,121 --> 00:20:07,289 Yasser Arafat? 415 00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:08,372 [breathing rapidly] 416 00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:09,708 - [laughter] - [Robert] Shh! 417 00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,168 Not no! 418 00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:13,045 Maybe? Baby? Baby Jane? 419 00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:15,214 Uh, B-Bette Davis? 420 00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:18,383 - Not no! - I bet you guys wish those dolphins 421 00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:20,302 - were on the beach right now. - Shh. 422 00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:22,137 [inaudible murmurs] 423 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,723 - Not no. - No Country For Old Men. No... 424 00:20:24,806 --> 00:20:26,975 [overlapping murmurs] 425 00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:28,560 "Yesterday"? 426 00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:29,686 Paul McCartney? 427 00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:31,438 [gasping] 428 00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:37,903 I believe the answer is Sir Paul McCartney. 429 00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:40,197 - That's right! - Holy fuck, we won! 430 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:41,615 Yes! 431 00:20:41,698 --> 00:20:42,699 [Robert laughs] 432 00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:43,700 - [Robert] Yes! - Dad! 433 00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:46,912 Sol, tell me, please, that you did not throw this game. 434 00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:50,457 I swear, I was just trying to figure it out. Ugh. 435 00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:52,292 Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut? 436 00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:53,585 You will soon. 437 00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:57,130 No, but you know what? The game did take my mind off the doctor. 438 00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:58,799 So thank you for that. 439 00:20:58,882 --> 00:21:00,342 [Brianna chanting] We are the best! 440 00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:01,425 You're welcome. 441 00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:03,762 Of course, now that it's over, and I have time to think... 442 00:21:03,845 --> 00:21:06,445 - [Brianna] ♪ You're all dumber than us ♪ - [Mallory] We beat you. 443 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:10,060 I'm gonna go gnaw on a stick of butter. 444 00:21:10,143 --> 00:21:12,271 [Brianna and Mallory cheer] 445 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:14,481 Don? 446 00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:16,942 Hello? 447 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:18,860 I have to make a bid. 448 00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,154 Too late. Auction's over. 449 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:23,782 I guess you won. 450 00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:26,451 If... If it's any consolation, 451 00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:30,122 I wound up donating a crazy amount of money to thwart you. 452 00:21:30,205 --> 00:21:32,291 That does make me feel better. 453 00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:36,753 I think Jerry would be happy the money went to a good cause 454 00:21:36,837 --> 00:21:39,506 and the sneakers went to a real Deadhead. 455 00:21:39,589 --> 00:21:40,841 Oh. [chuckles] 456 00:21:41,341 --> 00:21:45,971 Actually, I've been thinking, how about in the spirit of Jerry, we split them? 457 00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:47,848 - Really? - [chuckles] 458 00:21:48,223 --> 00:21:49,683 [exhales, sniffs] 459 00:21:49,766 --> 00:21:52,561 Oh, it still smells like weed. 460 00:21:52,644 --> 00:21:54,062 I will treasure it. 461 00:21:54,604 --> 00:21:56,273 Well, see you around, 47. 462 00:21:56,356 --> 00:21:58,191 See you around, 210. 463 00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:02,904 Maybe one of these days, our sneakers can get together for a date? 464 00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:06,158 Call me. [chuckles] 465 00:22:10,078 --> 00:22:11,078 Hey. 466 00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:12,789 Hey. 467 00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:16,209 Uh, Chelsea, I... 468 00:22:17,419 --> 00:22:19,004 I owe you an apology. 469 00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:21,882 I owe you all one. I... 470 00:22:22,299 --> 00:22:25,761 I shouldn't have dismissed you like that. 471 00:22:26,636 --> 00:22:28,138 I know what it feels like. 472 00:22:28,221 --> 00:22:29,806 Someone called you young and vapid? 473 00:22:29,890 --> 00:22:32,934 Well, not in quite some time, but... 474 00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:40,025 Oh, come on, you all have to admit that you were a little judgy 475 00:22:40,108 --> 00:22:42,652 when you found out I was Nick's new wife. 476 00:22:42,736 --> 00:22:45,739 Well, I guess I was a little surprised to see you were in your sixties. 477 00:22:46,823 --> 00:22:48,575 Thank you for being honest. 478 00:22:48,658 --> 00:22:50,285 Why is everyone so hung up on age? 479 00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:52,537 Either you're too young or you're too old. 480 00:22:52,621 --> 00:22:54,581 Especially if you're a woman. 481 00:22:55,624 --> 00:23:00,504 But like Jerry said, "We live no particular way but our own." 482 00:23:00,587 --> 00:23:02,506 What's the lady with the sneaker? 483 00:23:02,589 --> 00:23:04,299 This is my friend, Frankie. 484 00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:06,176 Soulmate-slash-guru. 485 00:23:06,259 --> 00:23:08,553 - And business partner. - Yes. 486 00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:12,265 We actually started a business to help older women feel empowered. 487 00:23:12,349 --> 00:23:14,351 - I want to feel empowered. - Me, too. 488 00:23:14,434 --> 00:23:16,311 That's why I want to start a business. 489 00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:19,147 So I can be more than just Sam Miller's wife. 490 00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:25,946 You know, I kind of started Say Grace for the same reason. 491 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,908 So I wasn't just Robert Hanson's wife. 492 00:23:32,202 --> 00:23:35,163 If you really want to make dog candy, I'd like to help you. 493 00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:36,373 We both will. 494 00:23:36,456 --> 00:23:37,958 That would be awesome! 495 00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:41,420 Okay, well, if you... if you have a dog, I could send you samples. 496 00:23:41,503 --> 00:23:46,133 Oh, great. Just so you know, Champ has a real healthy appetite, 497 00:23:46,216 --> 00:23:50,929 so feel free to send more candy than you think a dog could possibly eat. 498 00:23:52,347 --> 00:23:54,141 - How you doing? - Good. 499 00:23:54,975 --> 00:23:55,975 We're good. 500 00:23:57,144 --> 00:23:59,020 Hey, what's everyone doing after this? 501 00:23:59,104 --> 00:24:01,106 I'm down for whatever. 502 00:24:01,189 --> 00:24:02,189 As if. 503 00:24:06,403 --> 00:24:07,571 Let's go dancing. 504 00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:09,781 Oh, always with the dancing. 505 00:24:09,865 --> 00:24:12,701 Why don't we go home and watch a war movie? 506 00:24:13,201 --> 00:24:15,537 How are you two with trespassing? 507 00:24:16,079 --> 00:24:19,458 I know this was a lot for you. I'm happy to go home if you're tired. 508 00:24:19,541 --> 00:24:21,084 No, I want to go out. 509 00:24:21,168 --> 00:24:24,379 I've got a handsome, young trophy husband to show off. 510 00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:26,798 I've never been arm candy before. 511 00:24:26,882 --> 00:24:29,176 - [chuckles] - Boy, I bet I'll be great at it. 512 00:24:31,219 --> 00:24:32,387 - Is that you? - Yeah. 513 00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:33,972 Shotgun! 514 00:24:34,556 --> 00:24:35,891 [Nick chuckles] 515 00:24:44,107 --> 00:24:46,651 - Want me to help? - [grunts] Uh, no, no. 516 00:24:47,110 --> 00:24:50,071 I'm just trying to figure out the best angle of attack. 517 00:24:50,155 --> 00:24:54,159 God, maybe if I penguin slide in on my... on my stomach. 518 00:24:56,453 --> 00:24:57,579 I got you. 519 00:24:58,705 --> 00:25:00,457 - [grunts in effort] One, two, three. - Oh! 520 00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:02,751 [giggles] Yes! 521 00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,630 [pants] 522 00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:10,842 Cool ride, Sam. 523 00:25:17,140 --> 00:25:19,976 Sol, hurry up. They're waiting at Starbucks. 524 00:25:24,481 --> 00:25:27,275 Aw, don't pout. You look adorable. 525 00:25:27,859 --> 00:25:29,569 But there is one thing missing. 526 00:25:31,071 --> 00:25:35,033 Really? You don't think the makeup and the jazz pants sell it? 527 00:25:35,534 --> 00:25:37,786 Ah, use your hands, not your words. 528 00:25:37,869 --> 00:25:39,037 [Robert chuckles] 529 00:25:40,830 --> 00:25:42,832 - [camera shutter clicks] - [telephone rings] 530 00:25:43,083 --> 00:25:44,125 [camera shutter clicks] 531 00:25:45,502 --> 00:25:46,878 [ringing continues] 532 00:25:53,218 --> 00:25:54,427 [Robert chuckles] 533 00:25:56,054 --> 00:25:57,054 Hello? 534 00:25:57,347 --> 00:25:58,347 Speaking. 535 00:25:59,182 --> 00:26:02,185 Oh, hello, Dr. Rogers. Thank you for calling. 536 00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:05,647 You did? And? 537 00:26:07,649 --> 00:26:09,651 [exhales] It's good news. 538 00:26:10,193 --> 00:26:12,070 Oh, thank you, Doctor. 539 00:26:13,488 --> 00:26:14,823 Sure, he's right here. 540 00:26:17,909 --> 00:26:19,202 Yes, hi, I'm here. 541 00:26:23,290 --> 00:26:24,290 All right. 542 00:26:24,791 --> 00:26:25,792 Thank you. 543 00:26:28,044 --> 00:26:29,044 [disconnects call] 544 00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:33,925 They found something in my blood work. 545 00:26:36,303 --> 00:26:37,596 I have to go back in. 546 00:26:37,679 --> 00:26:39,973 [The Grateful Dead's "Eyes Of The World" plays] 547 00:26:42,601 --> 00:26:48,023 ♪ Right outside the lazy summer home ♪ 548 00:26:51,818 --> 00:26:57,616 ♪ You ain't got time To call your soul a critic, no ♪ 549 00:27:00,869 --> 00:27:04,706 ♪ Right outside the lazy gate ♪ 550 00:27:05,874 --> 00:27:08,877 ♪ Of winter's summer home ♪ 551 00:27:10,295 --> 00:27:14,507 ♪ Wondering where the nut-thatch winters ♪ 552 00:27:15,508 --> 00:27:18,219 ♪ Wings a mile long ♪ 553 00:27:18,637 --> 00:27:24,225 ♪ Just carried the bird away ♪ 554 00:27:28,355 --> 00:27:29,606 [woman] Okay, good night.