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[Grace Potter's
"Stuck In The Middle" playing]
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♪ Well, I don't know
Why I came here tonight ♪
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00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:19,811
♪ Got the feelin'
That somethin' ain't right ♪
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00:00:20,645 --> 00:00:24,065
♪ I'm so scared
In case I fall off my chair ♪
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♪ And I'm wondering
How I'll get down the stairs ♪
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00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:31,906
♪ And there's clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right ♪
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00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:35,368
♪ Here I am
Stuck in the middle with you ♪
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♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪
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♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
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[TV plays indistinctly]
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[woman] Our lotion is blended
with 22 essential oils,
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AHA, as well as our very own secret
ingredient which I can't get into,
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00:00:58,349 --> 00:00:59,809
but it works wonders.
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Now, it is guaranteed to make you look
and feel younger in just 30 days.
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Look at your skin.
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Okay, you sad sack. On your feet.
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Today's the day.
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We are doing it.
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I got Platinum passes for Six Flags.
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No, they still got my picture up
from when I pretended to be a war hero.
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I see. And may I ask
why you're eating noodles with tongs?
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More noods per scoop, brah.
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You're having
a complete nervous breakdown.
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It's not complete
until I stop wearing pants.
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Uh-oh.
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What do bike shorts mean?
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Perhaps it's time we called Grace.
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No, I can't.
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I've got to get used to being on my own,
30
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and Grace has got to get used
to being married.
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We said we weren't gonna call each other
about every little thing.
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Well, then, you need
to snap yourself out of this.
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Did you read that book I gave you,
You Need to Snap Yourself Out of This?
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Oh, yeah, that bullshit about how the way
you live can affect your mental health?
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00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:05,834
Well, it really helped me
when I was a person of interest
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00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:07,335
in my husband's death.
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- [slight chuckle]
- I mean, the author, Dana Morino,
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is a genius.
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Where is the book?
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I think we both know I lost it.
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[softly] Oh, God.
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[exhales]
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[grunts]
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[whispers] One, two, three.
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[grunts]
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[exhales]
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Oh. [grunts]
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- What's that, honey?
- Oh.
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[grunts]
50
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Hi, sailor.
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Come here often?
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Only when I'm not avoiding my wife.
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Why don't I take the day off?
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We'll go see Jurassic Park.
I can have the plane ready in an hour.
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Why would we fly somewhere
to watch a movie?
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Movie?
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You know, honestly, I was...
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I was kind of looking forward
to settling into a routine
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after Vegas and Bora Bora
and that weird half-day in Boise.
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I had to take you
to my favorite Ruth's Chris.
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You should go to work.
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- But I... I will take a hug.
- [Nick chuckles]
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[Grace chuckles]
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[both] Mmm.
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[both] Mmm.
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[Nick] Mmm. [grunts]
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- Mmm.
- [Grace chuckles]
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- Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's good.
- Mmm.
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Someone's a little clingy this morning.
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- Well, can you blame me?
- [chuckles]
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Here's an exciting thought.
How about a night at home? I'll cook.
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True story, I've never once had
a home-cooked meal.
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And I'll do you one better.
We'll invite Keith.
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- Keith who?
- Skolka.
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- Keith Skolka?
- Your son.
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Oh, God. Keith?
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Well, you know my daughters.
I don't know your son at all.
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Funny thing is,
I don't even really know him very well.
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00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:07,372
But from what I hear
around the office, he's...
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00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:09,999
You know, he's what you'd call
a "small doses" guy.
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00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,167
Well, it's happening.
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You've seen my family
in all its dysfunctional glory.
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- Now it's your turn.
- How can I argue with that?
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Should we say tomorrow?
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Fine. I'll figure out
where his desk is and tell him.
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Good boy.
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[knocking]
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Nick, we need to leave five minutes ago
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if we're gonna make this meeting
with Matsuhashi.
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00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:36,943
Hi, Grace. Congratulations, by the way.
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Thank you, Miriam.
What happened to your arm?
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Oh, nothing too exciting.
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I hurt it playing with Pete Sampras.
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You play tennis with Pete Sampras?
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No.
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Come on. Move it or lose it, buster.
You've got a schedule to keep.
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What would he do without you?
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Go to prison for many, many years.
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I have done some stuff. Shall we?
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Yeah. I'll call us a cab.
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[both laugh]
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Can you imagine?
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No. The helicopter's waiting on the roof.
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- Come on, let's go. Bye, Grace.
- Bye.
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[Miriam laughs] A cab.
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Oh. [exhales]
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See, I think if we amortize
our four-point-seven...
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Let's just call it a five.
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If we amortize that surplus
from last quarter
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to cover the current gaps in production,
well, I just...
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I think we're gonna see
some pretty spectacular
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end-of-the-year fiscal projections.
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I mean, I'm...
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- I'm talking...
- [keyboard clacking]
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At best, mind you. I mean, at best a...
116
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point-zero-eight-four percent bump
in variable revenue stream facilitation.
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Boom. [chuckles]
How do you like them bananas?
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Brianna?
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- Brianna!
- [gasps]
120
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Wow. Barry, you just put me
right the fuck out.
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- Surprise, Erin and Liz are here!
- Hey.
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And you just showed up without calling,
so 1993.
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Sorry, I wanted to call,
but Liz said there was no time.
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Oh, no, Erin, did you decide not to have
the baby, and I'm free from this?
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Oh, I decided not to have the baby,
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but you're not free from this
because now Liz is.
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Wait, what?
128
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So this one decided to choose
smoking cigarettes over carrying a baby,
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so now it's me.
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And I am ovulating
like a Civil War cannon.
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Well, let's get you pregnant,
General Grant.
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Okay. And that's my cue.
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Okay, um...
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So tomorrow, at the Margera Hotel,
we booked two rooms.
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Check-in is at 3:00.
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And we will have a fruit plate
and some trail mix waiting.
137
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- Oh.
- And then you'll, well, you know...
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[chuckles]
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- Masturbate into a bowl.
- Yeah.
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- It's a yogurt dish.
- Right, right.
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And then our friend Jenny
will take your deposit
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and deliver it to us in our room.
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[Barry chuckles]
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Guys.
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Hi.
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I couldn't help but listen in horror.
Who is Jenny and why?
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- Uh, she's our middleman-slash-runner.
- Yeah, no one wants to see Barry
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- all flushed and sweaty.
- Mm-mm.
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00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:03,256
Uh, you mean dewy and triumphant.
150
00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:04,966
[Liz and Erin chuckle slightly]
151
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,385
Jenny is straight?
152
00:07:07,468 --> 00:07:10,388
- She is, despite our best efforts.
- [Erin chuckles]
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00:07:10,471 --> 00:07:12,890
And since you didn't want to do it...
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Yeah.
155
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She wears a lot of Lululemon or...
156
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- She looks great in Lululemon.
- Mmm.
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I'm your runner, ladies.
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Hey.
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[birds chirping]
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Sol, are you quite ready?
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[Sol] Coming!
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The first challenge in researching
what to do for our honeymoon
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was narrowing it down
into four categories:
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Getting away from it all,
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learning adventure,
166
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feeling good because we're doing good,
and rumpus, general.
167
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- Robert, where are your materials?
- I don't need materials.
168
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I have researched exhaustively
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and am prepared to deliver
my opening remarks.
170
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,400
Shall we begin?
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Okay.
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- Boat.
- Excuse me?
173
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Boat. Bobby wants a boat trip.
174
00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:16,746
Yes, well, I know you fancy yourself
a man of the sea...
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00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:17,914
Thank you.
176
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:21,459
But I've got a few things in these binders
that you're going to want to explore.
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00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:22,710
What about Gettysburg?
178
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Perfect! We'll sail there.
179
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,589
Think about it, Sol. We can go anywhere.
180
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Sail through the Panama Canal if we want.
Just you, me, and the deep blue sea.
181
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I don't know.
I think it's asking for trouble.
182
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How is it asking for trouble?
183
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What about your health?
Your heart attack was only four years ago.
184
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,979
Please, I'm as healthy as a boat.
185
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,315
Why are you so against this?
186
00:08:44,398 --> 00:08:49,904
Because the ocean
is no place for a person.
187
00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:52,823
What if you suddenly need
to get out of the boat?
188
00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:55,326
And how do they stay afloat, the boats?
189
00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:57,703
Wait. Sometimes they don't.
190
00:08:57,787 --> 00:09:01,541
But that's just a myth
propagated by the airline industry.
191
00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:04,627
Sol, what is going on with you?
192
00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:08,965
I can't swim, okay?
So we can't go on a boat trip,
193
00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:12,343
because if I fall off,
I'm sinking into a watery grave.
194
00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:14,845
Oh, Sol, honey,
195
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:19,809
if you find yourself having to swim
on a sailing trip, you're already dead.
196
00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:28,192
Television on. Steel Magnolias.
197
00:09:28,442 --> 00:09:31,654
[female computerized voice]
Playing Steel, starring Shaquille O'Neal.
198
00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:34,323
Whatever. Do what you want. You always do.
199
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,492
- [movie starts]
- [knocking on door]
200
00:09:39,036 --> 00:09:40,162
[turns off TV]
201
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:41,706
[exhales]
202
00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:46,168
Frankie, meet Dana.
203
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,129
Dana, meet Frankie,
204
00:09:48,212 --> 00:09:50,423
a shell of her former self.
205
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:53,426
Oh, good. I was hoping
to meet new people today.
206
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:58,472
Come in. I was just about to watch
my third-favorite Shaq movie.
207
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,017
I hired Dana for the day.
208
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:04,020
She's here to whip
your sorry ass into shape.
209
00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:06,355
Okay, you can stop helping now,
Joan-Margaret.
210
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:09,650
Frankie, I want to help you
get your house in order.
211
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:13,571
I mean, clean house, healthy mind.
Will you let me help you?
212
00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:16,449
It may not look like it
to the untrained eye,
213
00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:21,120
but I have a very carefully curated system
going on here.
214
00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:23,497
Okay. So, can you tell me
what your credit card is doing
215
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,708
stuck to your back with a piece of gum?
216
00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:28,002
That's where I keep my credit card.
217
00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:30,463
But I will thank you for finding my gum.
218
00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:35,676
Frankie, be a good girl, won't you?
I paid good money for today.
219
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:40,139
Oh, about that.
Uh, your check bounced, so if we could...
220
00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:41,223
Bye, girls!
221
00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:48,230
Look, I know you're having
a hard time right now.
222
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:51,150
And I totally understand
your resistance to this process.
223
00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:52,777
I've seen it a million times.
224
00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:56,530
But I promise you that
by the end of the day, you'll feel better.
225
00:10:57,114 --> 00:10:58,115
All right.
226
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,535
The whole place, I guess,
needs to be vacuumed.
227
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:04,163
So your first job will be
to find the vacuum.
228
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:08,042
I'll be right here if you need me.
Just tell me if the TV's too loud.
229
00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:11,170
Frankie, I am not a maid,
and I am not your mother.
230
00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:13,839
And I have already been paid, sort of.
231
00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:17,551
You're doing this with me,
and it's going to hurt.
232
00:11:18,135 --> 00:11:21,722
Now, what in God's name are these?
233
00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:23,432
Because I love them.
234
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:27,478
- Really?
- No, they're horrible.
235
00:11:27,561 --> 00:11:29,647
If I had my gun, I'd shoot them.
236
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:32,232
[scoffs]
237
00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:37,988
[knocking on door]
238
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,449
Oh, hey, Grace, don't mind me.
I'm just in and out.
239
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,326
Oh, hey, you.
240
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:44,995
I-I just had to grab this file
I need for tomorrow.
241
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,623
I'm so sorry,
I keep barging in on you like this.
242
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,875
No problem.
I'm used to being barged in on.
243
00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:52,712
Not used to the apology.
That's refreshing.
244
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:55,214
- [chuckles]
- Boundaries, right?
245
00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:58,426
Oh, yes. Boundaries,
they're, like, my whole thing.
246
00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:00,177
Well, boundaries and fen-phen.
247
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:01,721
God bless you.
248
00:12:02,179 --> 00:12:05,433
I had a roommate who once used
my underpants as a napkin.
249
00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:07,351
So, this is nice.
250
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:08,978
Come and have a glass of wine with me.
251
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:12,106
Oh, I'd love to, but I can see
you're getting ready to eat dinner.
252
00:12:12,189 --> 00:12:14,358
- I don't want to intrude.
- Nonsense. Sit.
253
00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:16,526
[sighs] Okay.
254
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:18,070
[Grace chuckles]
255
00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:19,529
Thanks.
256
00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:23,284
I've always liked you, Miriam.
257
00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:25,327
I'd... I'd like to...
258
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,288
I'd like to get to know you better.
259
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:29,749
Well, very few people know me, Grace.
260
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:31,375
I love that.
261
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:35,504
So give me a... give me a taste.
Are you seeing anyone?
262
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,047
Oh, no, no.
263
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:40,050
Boyfriends have an annoying habit
of becoming husbands,
264
00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:42,845
and I'm not going down that road again
anytime soon.
265
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:43,929
And kids?
266
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,556
Just my son.
267
00:12:45,639 --> 00:12:47,433
- [knocking on door]
- Oh.
268
00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:49,393
I want to know more. Hold that thought.
269
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:51,854
Keith, welcome.
I'm so glad we can do this.
270
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:54,440
Me too. I brought bread. Hey, Mom.
271
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:57,276
Keith, I don't even like my own kids
to call me "Mom."
272
00:12:57,359 --> 00:12:58,861
Hello, sweetheart.
273
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:04,784
[Nick] Hey, Miriam...
274
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:06,494
and Keith are here together!
275
00:13:08,078 --> 00:13:09,413
Nick!
276
00:13:14,668 --> 00:13:15,920
Oh. Excuse me.
277
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:20,925
- Hey, so this is super weird.
- Did you guys know it was Comic-Con?
278
00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:25,095
No, but that explains the drunk Spider-Man
passed out on our lawn this morning.
279
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:27,264
A lot of lonely boys in latex.
280
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:31,143
Most of these costumes are probably
actually a spandex-cotton blend.
281
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:33,521
You know, they wish they had latex.
[chuckles]
282
00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:36,982
To our rooms! [chuckles]
283
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:38,734
Good luck, Barry.
284
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,237
- Thanks again, Brianna.
- Yeah, no sweat.
285
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:44,824
Shuffling around a glass bowl of spunk
amidst a sea of doughy Captain Americas
286
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:47,993
is definitely not an actual,
real nightmare I've had.
287
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:50,704
Milady.
288
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,083
- What?
- Wait, wait, wait.
289
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:56,794
Did new-Mom not know
that old-Mom is my mom?
290
00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:58,838
No, she definitely did not.
291
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:01,966
Oh, new-Mom's not gonna like this.
292
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:05,052
Can we pump the brakes
on the "new-Mom" talk?
293
00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:07,596
Thank you, Keith.
I see you've brought bread.
294
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:08,848
It's for dinner.
295
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:12,142
Why am I not surprised
that you didn't tell her?
296
00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:13,370
What's that supposed to mean?
297
00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:15,271
I think it's supposed to mean
you got a new...
298
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:16,605
Once again, thank you, Keith.
299
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:19,817
I'm so sorry, Grace. I assumed you knew.
300
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:21,235
No reason to be sorry.
301
00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:24,321
In fact, why don't you join us for dinner?
302
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:26,282
I made a roast.
303
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:30,077
Oh, Grace, that's so weird
of you to offer,
304
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,996
but you know what,
I really should be going.
305
00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:33,163
I insist.
306
00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:37,418
I wanted to have a lovely evening
getting to know my husband's family,
307
00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:39,378
and here you all are.
308
00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:41,213
Honey, are you sure you wouldn't...?
309
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:43,007
I made a roast!
310
00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:45,968
[vacuum whirring]
311
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,263
Hey, Frankie.
312
00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:50,930
[vacuum turns off]
313
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,725
I need you to give me three good reasons
314
00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:56,979
why we should keep this Happy Meals prize
from 1988.
315
00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:58,564
It's a collector's item.
316
00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:00,524
He swivels.
317
00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:03,193
And we almost named Coyote "Hamburglar"
318
00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:07,364
but ultimately decided that was
a ridiculous name for a child.
319
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:08,324
[chuckles]
320
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:12,411
Okay, but-but-but where would be
a good place for it?
321
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:14,705
The floor?
322
00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:17,333
- But I know that's not right.
- Mmm.
323
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,919
Hey, how about this?
324
00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:23,671
[exhales]
325
00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:24,798
[clicks tongue]
326
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:29,845
So, what about these Welding Woman
magazines from the 1970s on?
327
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,430
Do we need all of these?
328
00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:32,681
Y-Yes.
329
00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:34,600
Do you weld?
330
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,435
Not as such, no.
331
00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:38,938
- So these are crazy, right?
- [exhales]
332
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,314
I suppose.
333
00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:42,650
[necklaces clattering]
334
00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:44,360
Would you stop struggling?
335
00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:48,280
Good Lord,
how many necklaces do you need?
336
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:50,157
Some of these are belts.
337
00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:54,244
And who is this, please?
338
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:57,289
Nobody.
339
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:03,087
- Hey.
- [Dana] Good job!
340
00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:05,381
Done early with plenty of time to spare.
341
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:06,757
[Frankie] And spare we shall.
342
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,593
I'm rolling a particularly hearty joint.
343
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,512
- Care for a sip?
- [Dana] No, thanks.
344
00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:14,139
But I, uh... I did see
a freezer full of vodka,
345
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:16,725
and I am a sucker for a dry martini.
346
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:20,980
And I'm a sucker for a gal
who's a sucker for a dry martini.
347
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:22,690
Hmm.
348
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:26,902
Under. Reach. Good.
349
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,404
Reach. Big elbows.
350
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:30,614
Reach. Scoop. Great.
351
00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:33,075
Scoop. Reach as far as you can reach...
352
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:34,660
I was snack mom today.
353
00:16:35,285 --> 00:16:38,455
- My compliments. I love string cheese.
- Yeah, so does my Jason.
354
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,374
- He's the one in the red trunks.
- Mmm.
355
00:16:40,457 --> 00:16:43,293
Ugh, he was so nervous,
I had to bribe him to come today.
356
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:46,046
Hmm. You should've seen mine this morning.
357
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:47,798
Yeah? Which one's yours?
358
00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:50,551
- [Kyle] Reach.
- The seven-foot-tall 80-year-old man.
359
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:52,886
Reach. Reach.
360
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,596
Yeah. Over.
361
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,391
Reach. Reach.
362
00:16:57,933 --> 00:16:59,143
Point your toes.
363
00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:01,353
Ballerina kicks.
364
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:03,772
Like a ballerina.
365
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:06,900
Ballerina kicks, everyone.
366
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:08,235
[grunts loudly]
367
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:09,528
Make bubbles.
368
00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:13,949
[Sol grunting]
369
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:17,536
[grunts continue]
370
00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:20,539
[Kyle] Keep kicking.
You're falling behind.
371
00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:22,666
I told you, Kyle,
372
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:26,962
I only respond to positive reinforcement,
373
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,715
and if you were a good instructor,
you'd know that education
374
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:34,553
is not monolithic
and that every child learns differently!
375
00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:38,432
Come on, let's go!
376
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:41,727
I know you can do it.
377
00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:48,025
I'm doing it!
378
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,194
I'm doing it!
379
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:53,572
Are you walking, sir?
380
00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:56,949
Yes.
381
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:00,120
[exhales]
382
00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:03,457
Brianna! I told you
we should have brought a go-bag.
383
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:07,294
All the lotions are scented.
It's like masturbating at a Sephora.
384
00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:09,129
I'm not listening.
385
00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:11,632
[woman on TV] And... And what's nice
about this product is...
386
00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:13,592
[TV chatter continues indistinctly]
387
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:16,803
Hmm.
388
00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:22,643
Hey, did you remember
to bring your soft clothes?
389
00:18:22,726 --> 00:18:23,977
I'm gonna want to cuddle after.
390
00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:26,438
I think we should see other people.
391
00:18:28,565 --> 00:18:29,983
[door opens in adjacent room]
392
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:31,747
[man 1] I'm so tired of this conversation.
393
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:34,696
Hulk is the most powerful mutant
in the Marvel Universe.
394
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:36,073
Jesus Christ.
395
00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:38,367
[man 2] You betray yourself, sir. Hulk?
396
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:39,743
Strongest, sure.
397
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:42,204
- But can he bend time? No.
- [scoffs]
398
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:44,498
- Who can? Cable.
- Wha...?
399
00:18:44,581 --> 00:18:47,793
[man 3] You're both tourists.
It begins and ends with Jean Grey.
400
00:18:47,876 --> 00:18:51,213
It's Franklin Richards! Franklin Richards!
401
00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:53,173
Jesus dang Christ!
402
00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:56,760
[scoffs] Incredible Hulk?
He isn't even an Omega-Level mutant.
403
00:18:56,844 --> 00:19:01,181
Franklin Richards can create
whole universes out of dang nothing!
404
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:03,517
So y'all pretenders needs to shut it
405
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,145
'cause some of us
are trying to masturbate in here!
406
00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:07,312
[man] Yeah!
407
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:09,690
[smooth jazz playing]
408
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:23,162
- Is everyone enjoying the roast?
- Mmm.
409
00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:25,080
- Delicious.
- Mmm, roast.
410
00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:33,338
Look, our... our marriage
basically meant nothing.
411
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:36,133
- Less than nothing.
- For sure. Not a happy home.
412
00:19:36,216 --> 00:19:38,927
We were completely wrong for each other.
413
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,847
But you two are such...
great communicators.
414
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,766
Though neither of you
told me you were married.
415
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:47,269
Would you buy
"I was getting around to it"?
416
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:49,813
- Pass the peas?
- How long were you married?
417
00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:51,398
Okay, cards on the table...
418
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:53,608
I totally forget.
419
00:19:53,650 --> 00:19:55,569
Ditto. I mean, long enough
for this to happen.
420
00:19:55,652 --> 00:19:56,653
- Oh, yeah.
- Hey-o.
421
00:19:56,737 --> 00:20:01,700
But you guys work so well together.
So why didn't you work so well together?
422
00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:04,536
Well, things tend to fall apart
when you screw the help.
423
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:05,871
What? Wait...
424
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:09,166
Nick, my God! Are you kidding me?
425
00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:11,543
Oh, no. No, that was my bad.
426
00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:13,544
Giacomo...
427
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:15,297
He took me to soccer a bunch.
428
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:16,965
Giacomo was actually a great guy.
429
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,884
Did Giacomo know
you were married to Miriam?
430
00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:21,011
That's a Miriam question. Keith, the peas?
431
00:20:21,094 --> 00:20:23,740
[Miriam] Okay, well, I think you two
have got a lot of screaming to do.
432
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:26,975
- So, Keith, let's go.
- I'm still workin' on this roast.
433
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,102
- Move your ass!
- Get the hell out of here!
434
00:20:31,104 --> 00:20:32,397
[Keith] Thanks for dinner.
435
00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:33,857
Bye.
436
00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:35,442
[exhales]
437
00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:37,653
Well, you're fucked.
438
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:41,865
[exhales]
439
00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:45,702
[heavy breaths]
440
00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:46,870
Yeah.
441
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,623
[exhales]
442
00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:54,920
It's bad if I throw up in it, right?
443
00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:56,880
Just go. [pants]
444
00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:57,965
Okay.
445
00:20:58,548 --> 00:21:00,217
- Careful.
- Okay, okay.
446
00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:02,511
I'm going.
447
00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:05,639
- It's actually really authentic. We...
- [gasps]
448
00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:12,437
Of course it's a pair of elves.
449
00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,022
- [owl hooting]
- [crickets chirping]
450
00:21:14,898 --> 00:21:17,609
- I was proud of you today.
- You were?
451
00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:18,902
Of course.
452
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:21,238
And if this really is
something you cannot do,
453
00:21:21,321 --> 00:21:24,283
then we just won't go
on a boat trip. I'll get over it.
454
00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:25,951
[chuckles]
455
00:21:29,496 --> 00:21:30,956
You're a good husband.
456
00:21:32,082 --> 00:21:33,458
[chuckles]
457
00:21:35,752 --> 00:21:38,338
So... honeymoon ideas?
458
00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:40,882
How a-boat a European trip?
459
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:43,510
Robert, you just said "how a-boat."
460
00:21:44,428 --> 00:21:46,596
What is it with you and sailing?
461
00:21:47,222 --> 00:21:51,393
I don't know, I guess it all started
when I saw Grace Kelly and Bing Crosby
462
00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:54,563
on that sailing boat in High Society.
Remember?
463
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,150
It all seemed so glamorous and far away.
464
00:21:58,233 --> 00:22:01,695
And I wanted to be
a part of that world so badly.
465
00:22:01,778 --> 00:22:03,947
Is that why you joined the Navy?
466
00:22:04,031 --> 00:22:08,035
Yes. Being a weatherographer
on the USS Pocono
467
00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:09,911
is about as close as I ever got.
468
00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:12,664
But I still dream about that sailboat.
469
00:22:17,252 --> 00:22:20,088
If it means this much to you,
I'm going to do it.
470
00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:24,968
I'm going to learn to swim.
I'm going to beat this thing.
471
00:22:25,052 --> 00:22:27,888
If you can learn to swim,
I promise you this:
472
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:31,641
I will stop eating bacon past 10:00 p.m.
473
00:22:32,559 --> 00:22:33,393
Really?
474
00:22:33,477 --> 00:22:35,270
11:00 p.m., yep.
475
00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:40,359
And that's why I'm not welcome back
at Benihana.
476
00:22:40,442 --> 00:22:42,194
[both laugh]
477
00:22:42,819 --> 00:22:46,823
Oh, God, I wish I was
a little more like you.
478
00:22:46,907 --> 00:22:49,951
- You mean fascinated by knives?
- [chuckles]
479
00:22:51,453 --> 00:22:52,871
- Oh.
- I think it's cashed.
480
00:22:52,954 --> 00:22:54,373
[chuckles]
481
00:22:54,748 --> 00:22:57,751
You know what?
This whole day's been about me.
482
00:22:57,834 --> 00:23:00,587
I feel like I don't know
anything about you.
483
00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:04,341
You're obviously career-oriented.
484
00:23:04,925 --> 00:23:07,260
What else? Kids? A gay husband?
Tell me everything.
485
00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:09,304
Oh, Frankie, I am not in the habit
486
00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:12,599
of talking about my personal life
or feelings.
487
00:23:12,682 --> 00:23:15,268
Not yet. Wait till I open you up.
488
00:23:16,436 --> 00:23:19,231
And that sounded
exactly the way I wanted it to.
489
00:23:19,314 --> 00:23:20,607
[both laugh]
490
00:23:21,066 --> 00:23:22,275
What do you want to know?
491
00:23:22,651 --> 00:23:24,486
Okay, we'll start off easy.
492
00:23:25,028 --> 00:23:27,447
- Where are you from?
- Denver.
493
00:23:27,531 --> 00:23:29,157
- Go, Nuggets.
- Mm-hmm.
494
00:23:29,616 --> 00:23:32,828
Are you estranged
from any immediate family members?
495
00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:33,911
[both laugh]
496
00:23:33,954 --> 00:23:37,791
I thought you said
we were gonna start off easy.
497
00:23:37,874 --> 00:23:38,875
Well, we did.
498
00:23:38,959 --> 00:23:41,586
- There was all that great Denver stuff.
- [laughs]
499
00:23:42,546 --> 00:23:43,839
Okay.
500
00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:45,507
Well, I...
501
00:23:46,466 --> 00:23:48,468
I'm kind of on the outs
with my oldest daughter.
502
00:23:48,552 --> 00:23:50,679
We're not speaking.
503
00:23:50,762 --> 00:23:54,099
And that's kind of my area of expertise.
504
00:23:54,182 --> 00:23:58,728
This chick I know, Grace, I basically
taught her how to be a mom, so...
505
00:23:59,020 --> 00:24:00,147
[sighs]
506
00:24:00,856 --> 00:24:02,732
Okay, fine. Here it goes.
507
00:24:03,692 --> 00:24:05,735
[exhales] So, Katie and I...
508
00:24:05,819 --> 00:24:07,195
[alarm ringing]
509
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:11,199
Oh, look at that. Our time's up.
That happened fast.
510
00:24:11,616 --> 00:24:14,035
What are you talking about?
We're just getting started.
511
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:16,705
No, Joan-Margaret only hired me
for eight hours.
512
00:24:16,788 --> 00:24:18,540
I really need to get going.
513
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,626
Oh, I... I guess I just thought...
514
00:24:21,710 --> 00:24:24,629
Frankie, the place looks great.
515
00:24:24,713 --> 00:24:26,631
Look at all we got done in just one day.
516
00:24:26,715 --> 00:24:27,716
So now we party.
517
00:24:27,799 --> 00:24:31,553
No, now I go home and you party.
518
00:24:31,928 --> 00:24:34,806
But I don't know
where any of my things are.
519
00:24:35,432 --> 00:24:38,226
Well, I don't know about you,
but I actually had fun today.
520
00:24:38,685 --> 00:24:39,769
Me, too.
521
00:24:40,479 --> 00:24:44,274
Oh, what the hell. I don't normally
do this with clients, but...
522
00:24:44,357 --> 00:24:45,357
Yes?
523
00:24:45,775 --> 00:24:48,111
Would you mind leaving me
a good review on Yelp?
524
00:24:49,070 --> 00:24:51,573
Oh, yeah, sure. Of course.
525
00:24:51,656 --> 00:24:52,949
I mean, it'll be easy
526
00:24:53,033 --> 00:24:55,452
- since you found my phone in the fridge.
- [chuckles]
527
00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:01,541
It was good meeting you,
Frankie Steinberg.
528
00:25:03,835 --> 00:25:04,878
See ya.
529
00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:19,226
Well, now Keith can't say
I never had dinner with him.
530
00:25:19,893 --> 00:25:22,312
What the hell were you thinking?
531
00:25:22,395 --> 00:25:23,897
Okay. I wasn't thinking.
532
00:25:23,980 --> 00:25:26,107
She's been my business partner
for so long,
533
00:25:26,191 --> 00:25:29,986
I-I'd truly, truly forgotten
we were ever married.
534
00:25:30,070 --> 00:25:32,489
Oh, bullshit. Bullshit.
535
00:25:32,572 --> 00:25:35,408
You can keep saying bullshit,
but it doesn't make it bullshit.
536
00:25:35,492 --> 00:25:36,826
You lied to me.
537
00:25:37,494 --> 00:25:38,828
Okay, fine. You...
538
00:25:39,746 --> 00:25:41,248
You know why I didn't tell you?
539
00:25:41,331 --> 00:25:44,334
Yeah, 'cause you're a coward, and you
didn't want to have to deal with it.
540
00:25:44,417 --> 00:25:45,418
Well, obviously that.
541
00:25:45,502 --> 00:25:49,422
But also, I was worried that you'd
make me fire her. And I need her.
542
00:25:49,506 --> 00:25:51,299
Why would I make you fire her?
543
00:25:51,383 --> 00:25:54,219
- Well, you know, old wife, new wife...
- [scoffs]
544
00:25:54,302 --> 00:25:58,181
I do understand the concept
of a professional relationship.
545
00:25:58,265 --> 00:25:59,349
Of course you do.
546
00:25:59,432 --> 00:26:01,226
Well, then next time,
don't underestimate me
547
00:26:01,309 --> 00:26:03,562
and assume you know
how I'm gonna react.
548
00:26:05,272 --> 00:26:07,274
I won't. I promise.
549
00:26:07,941 --> 00:26:10,735
- Will you do the same thing for me?
- Of course!
550
00:26:14,614 --> 00:26:15,657
Well, I'm...
551
00:26:16,157 --> 00:26:18,910
I'm waiting for you
to not underestimate me about a thing.
552
00:26:18,994 --> 00:26:20,120
A thing.
553
00:26:20,203 --> 00:26:21,997
A couch thing. And...
554
00:26:22,956 --> 00:26:24,874
not being able to get off it.
555
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:27,836
You noticed?
556
00:26:27,919 --> 00:26:31,214
Yes. I was a person in the room
with all my faculties.
557
00:26:31,298 --> 00:26:34,801
Okay, you know something?
This couch is a death trap, and I hate it.
558
00:26:34,884 --> 00:26:38,221
Okay. Fuck this couch
and the sultan who gave it to me.
559
00:26:38,638 --> 00:26:40,307
- Fuck that couch!
- [laughs]
560
00:26:40,849 --> 00:26:46,605
The only thing in this house
that means anything to me at all is you.
561
00:26:48,523 --> 00:26:49,566
And my ties.
562
00:26:50,108 --> 00:26:51,108
[scoffs]
563
00:26:51,818 --> 00:26:52,819
[chuckles]
564
00:26:59,117 --> 00:27:00,285
Oh.
565
00:27:01,036 --> 00:27:04,205
- I really want to make us work.
- Me, too.
566
00:27:05,915 --> 00:27:07,292
So, from now on,
567
00:27:08,335 --> 00:27:10,170
let's tell each other everything.
568
00:27:10,253 --> 00:27:14,132
The Miriams and sore joints and all.
Total honesty.
569
00:27:16,551 --> 00:27:18,053
I never saw The Godfather.
570
00:27:18,428 --> 00:27:19,638
I want a divorce.
571
00:27:21,139 --> 00:27:22,474
[both laugh]
572
00:27:24,726 --> 00:27:25,935
Mmm.
573
00:27:26,061 --> 00:27:27,103
[knocking]
574
00:27:27,228 --> 00:27:28,228
[high voice] Who is it?
575
00:27:28,271 --> 00:27:30,271
[Brianna] Okay, I have some good news
and bad news.
576
00:27:32,275 --> 00:27:33,693
Bad news first, please.
577
00:27:33,777 --> 00:27:35,278
[Brianna] I bumped into some elves,
578
00:27:35,362 --> 00:27:37,322
and I spilled all of your semen
on the ground.
579
00:27:37,405 --> 00:27:41,951
Brianna, you know how hard it is to get
two in a row out of me on a good night.
580
00:27:42,035 --> 00:27:43,286
Did you do this on purpose?
581
00:27:43,370 --> 00:27:44,996
[Brianna] Of course not.
582
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:48,583
Can you blame me for asking? I mean,
you've never been on board with this.
583
00:27:48,667 --> 00:27:52,045
If I didn't want you to do this,
would I have done this?
584
00:27:54,297 --> 00:27:55,423
Get the bowl.
585
00:27:56,091 --> 00:27:58,385
I love you,
and I know that you can do this.
586
00:27:58,468 --> 00:28:00,762
You're better
than all those stupid eight-year-olds
587
00:28:00,845 --> 00:28:03,515
with their malleable minds
and their supple joints.
588
00:28:03,598 --> 00:28:05,892
You have something they don't have, Sol.
589
00:28:05,975 --> 00:28:08,228
Bigger hands. Use them!
590
00:28:11,231 --> 00:28:12,440
I can do this.
591
00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:17,112
Yes, you can. And I'll be walking
right beside you every stroke of the way.
592
00:28:17,195 --> 00:28:18,655
Godspeed, my love.
593
00:28:21,116 --> 00:28:23,118
[dramatic instrumental music plays]
594
00:28:47,016 --> 00:28:50,103
[yells] I did it!
595
00:28:51,020 --> 00:28:52,355
Robert!
596
00:28:53,148 --> 00:28:55,358
Did you see? I did it!
597
00:28:55,442 --> 00:28:57,068
- [panting]
- Robert?
598
00:28:57,152 --> 00:29:00,447
I'm coming. I'll be right there
in a second. Okay.
599
00:29:01,114 --> 00:29:02,240
[exhales]
600
00:29:03,158 --> 00:29:04,826
Fit as a fiddle, eh?
601
00:29:05,368 --> 00:29:09,247
You want to go sailing?
You are getting a physical first.
602
00:29:09,330 --> 00:29:12,792
- [pants]
- I went from there to there.
603
00:29:12,876 --> 00:29:14,335
[Robert] Yes. Yes.
604
00:29:14,419 --> 00:29:16,421
- I went from there...
- [Robert] Yeah.
605
00:29:16,504 --> 00:29:18,047
- ...to there.
- [Robert] Yes.
606
00:29:22,469 --> 00:29:24,804
[toilet flushes]
607
00:29:32,479 --> 00:29:33,354
[grunts]
608
00:29:33,438 --> 00:29:34,438
[exhales]
609
00:29:36,733 --> 00:29:37,733
Okay.
610
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:40,528
[pants]
611
00:29:40,612 --> 00:29:41,780
One, two, three.
612
00:29:41,905 --> 00:29:42,905
Oh!
613
00:29:43,198 --> 00:29:44,574
[knocking on door]
614
00:29:44,699 --> 00:29:46,993
[Nick] Honey, everything okay in there?
615
00:29:47,702 --> 00:29:48,702
Uh...
616
00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:50,789
[exhales]
617
00:29:51,289 --> 00:29:52,665
Actually, Nick...
618
00:29:56,586 --> 00:29:57,879
- [Nick] Grace?
- Oh.
619
00:29:58,838 --> 00:30:00,006
- You okay?
- [exhales]
620
00:30:02,509 --> 00:30:04,093
I'm fine, honey.
621
00:30:04,177 --> 00:30:07,555
[Nick] Okay. I'm leaving for work.
Love you.
622
00:30:07,639 --> 00:30:08,681
[exhales]
623
00:30:14,562 --> 00:30:15,772
[exhales]
624
00:30:15,855 --> 00:30:17,023
[cell phone chimes]
625
00:30:17,524 --> 00:30:19,943
Five stars. Great service.
626
00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:22,987
But if you're looking for love,
she's not your gal.
627
00:30:23,071 --> 00:30:24,280
[ringing]
628
00:30:25,448 --> 00:30:27,534
["Reach Out I'll Be There"
by Gloria Gaynor plays]
629
00:30:27,617 --> 00:30:30,119
[cell phone continues ringing]
630
00:30:34,707 --> 00:30:35,707
Hey, lover.
631
00:30:36,125 --> 00:30:39,337
- ♪ Now if you feel that you can't go on ♪
- [laughs]
632
00:30:40,004 --> 00:30:43,508
♪ Because all of your hope is gone ♪
633
00:30:43,842 --> 00:30:47,595
♪ And your life is filled with confusion ♪
634
00:30:47,804 --> 00:30:51,516
♪ And happiness is just an illusion ♪
635
00:30:51,599 --> 00:30:55,144
♪ And your world around
Is tumblin' down ♪
636
00:30:55,228 --> 00:30:57,897
♪ Darling, reach out ♪
637
00:30:57,981 --> 00:30:59,774
♪ Reach out ♪
638
00:30:59,983 --> 00:31:03,820
♪ Reach out for me ♪
639
00:31:05,989 --> 00:31:07,949
♪ I'll be there ♪
640
00:31:08,032 --> 00:31:09,492
♪ I'll be there ♪
641
00:31:09,576 --> 00:31:11,828
♪ To love and comfort you ♪
642
00:31:11,911 --> 00:31:13,538
♪ Trust me, baby ♪
643
00:31:13,621 --> 00:31:17,000
- ♪ I'll be there ♪
- ♪ I'll be there ♪
644
00:31:17,083 --> 00:31:20,753
♪ With a love that'll see you through ♪
645
00:31:22,547 --> 00:31:26,092
♪ Now when you're lost
And about to give up ♪
646
00:31:26,175 --> 00:31:27,886
♪ About to give up... ♪
647
00:31:28,553 --> 00:31:29,721
[woman] Okay, good night.