cdatcdat ♪
cdat ♪ Oh, when danger comes for you ♪cdat
♪ You know I'll stand beside you ♪cdat
♪ 'Cause ain't nobody keep their heads so cool ♪ct
♪ I'll always find a way ♪ct
♪ A way out of the fire ♪cdt
♪ But don't tell nobody, tell nobody ♪cdat
♪ I'm not perfect ♪cdat
♪ So many things I wanna tell you ♪cdat
cdat ♪ But I ♪cdat
♪ I keep it undercover! ♪cdt
♪ Living my life on red alert ♪t
♪ Doing my thing, I'll make it work ♪cdat
♪ Know I'm the realest, baby I'm fearless ♪cdat
♪ But I always got your back t
♪ Nobody can do it like I can ♪t
♪ I gotta find out who I am ♪t
♪ Ain't got no worry about me ♪t
♪ It's all part of the plan ♪t
K.C: I keep it undercover.cdt
I keep it undercover.cdat
cdYour Honor, the Prosecution calls Agent 8433599.cdat
cdI feel like I should be walking her up there.cdat
Craig, she's testifying, not getting married.cdat
Do you swear to tell the truth,cdt
the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?t
Yes, I do.cdat
One time, I was on my porchct
when my neighbor Mrs. Goldfeder got dropped off after a date,cdt
and when they kissed, I didn't look away, I...ct
I watched.cdat
I meant when Prosecutor Baker starts asking you questions.cdt
cdat Oh, I knew that. ( chuckles )cdat
Just had to get that off my chest.t
Agent, you were present at The Luffman Gallery when the theft took place?t
Uh, yes. I was investigating a string of art thefts.cdat
I was accompanied by Agent 9487445,cdat
even though I was..cdat
a bit concerned about his abilities.cdat
He can be a bit of a nimrod.cdat
I object!cdat
How dare you call me a nimrod?cdat
That is insultingcdat
and the witness is clearly lying.cdat
I demand a mistrial! A mistrial!cdat
Nobody even knew you were Agent 9487445cdatcdt
until you opened your big mouth.cdat
Objection overruled.cdat
Sorry, nimrod.cdat
Please continue.cdatct
Well, I went undercover to see if I could catch the thief in the act.cdat
cdat I am Lola Fingers.cdatt
cdat Artiste.cdatcdat
And I'm her manager, Tommy Lasorda.cdat
cdat The artiste's manager,cdt
not the baseball manager.t
He's a large white man, and I'm a short black guycdt
with a penchant for turtlenecks.cdat
cdat Your work is genius,cdatcdat
as is your hair.cdat
Oh, well,cdat
my style is "perpetually caught in a breeze"cdat
cdat to remind me that life is always moving...cdatt
cdat as must art.cdat
cdat Oh, yes.cdatcdat
This space is perfect!cdt
cdat It's bare.cdatct
It's naked.cdat
I will cover your shame, naked wall...cdat
cdat With art!cdatcdat
She'll need total privacy.t
Her most creative hours are two to five a.m.cdat
You've got it, Lola. But it would becdat
an honor to come by and see you work.cdat
cdat Why wait?cdatcdat
She can do one right now.cdat
Lola's known for her spontaneous paintings.t
( chuckles ) Yes.cdat
I'm also known for firing my manager.t
cdat Come on, Lola.cdatcdat
Do the one where you roll around and--t
Why am I explaining when she can just show you? Lola?cdat
Oh, no. No, thank you. I'm just not feeling the muse right now.cdat
cdat Then let me help you feel it.ct
cdat Waaa...aha...cdat
Oh, yes.cdat
Oh, I'm not done. I'm not done.cdat
Ohhhh, lovely!cdat
Oh, yes! Yes, I'm really starting to feel it...cdat
cdat everywhere now.cdat
Yes!cdatcdat
Oh, yeah!cdat
Lola, you've done it again.ct
Don't hold back. Rage is your medium.cdat
cdatcdat I love it.cdat
cdat Yes, Lola. You've done it again.ct
Eh, I wouldn't say it's your best work.cdat
cdatcdat Oh, really?cdat
Oh, lovely.cdat
cdat Ah!cdatcdat
Look at that!cdatcdt
Another Lola Fingers originalt
cdat Allow me to sign it for yout
cdatcdat Agent 8433599,cdat
would you describe the momentt
when you apprehended the defendant?cdat
Sure. Well,cdat
most people think that spy work is fun and exciting,t
and most of the time it is, but...cdat
a lot of the time, it's just a lot of waiting and watching.t
And after a lot of waiting and watching, and coconut water,cdat
the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is..t
cdat sometimes you just gotta pee.cdt
OK? I was only gone for, like, two minutescdat
when I heard the alarm go off and I ran back in.cdat
( alarm bell ringing ) When I got back,cdat
Descoteaux's "Woman On A Horse At Dawn,"ct
the most expensive painting in the gallery,cdat
was cut out of its frame.cdt
And I know it didn't ride itself out,ct
A) Because it's a painting,ct
and B) Because it was two lines and a dotcdt
that didn't look a dang thing like a horse or a woman.cdat
cdat I looked around, and all I sawcdatcdat
was security guard Mr. McCoy.t
He was off of his assigned post,cdat
out of breath, and he claimet
that he didn't know what had happened.cdat
Like I was gonna fall for the okey-doke.cdat
And is that security guard here todayt
Well, yeah. He's right there.cdat
He's the guy on trial.cdat
Does nobody else see him, or...t
And how do you know someone else didn't steal the paintingt
The building was on lockdown with very tight security.cdat
None of the entry ways were breached, so...cdat
Mr. McCoy was the only one who could've done it.cdat
Prosecution rests!cdat
cdat My bad. The prosecution gives me the stink-eyecdt
and will rest when she sees fit.cdat
cdatcPetey. ( nervous chuckle )cdat
What are you doing here? The Coopers aren't home.cdat
Which begs the question: What are you doing here?ct
Nothing.cdat
Really? 'Cause it seems to me that
you're stealing K.C.'s old book reportst
Well, I prefer the term "borrowing with intent to pass"t
cdat What do you care?cdatcdat
I don't care. But K.C. will.cdat
So here's how this is gonna work.cdat
We're going for an All-I-Can-Eat lunch at the Olive Pit. Your treatt
cdat Are you blackmailing me?cdat
Oh, I am.cdat
But I'll take my payment in small, unmarked meatballst
You are a small, unmarked meatball.cdat
cdat ( gavel strikes )cdatcdat
Bob McCoy.cdatcdat
A jury of your peers has found you...cdat
guilty as charged.cdat
( spectators murmuring )cdat
No! They're wrong. I'm innocent!cdat
Congrats, K.C.! Your 100th conviction.cdat
I can't wait until mine.cdat
Me neither. Only a hundred to go.cdat
cdat You have to help me. Please, you have to believe met
I'm innocent. But a jury of your peers--cdat
If I did it, where's the art? They never found the art.t
Find the art and you'll find the thief.t
Please! I'm being set up!t
I wouldn't know a Rembrandt from my rear end!cdat
You gotta believe me! Help me!t
cdatcdat Well, honey. You got your guy.cdat
cdatcdat Did I?cdat
cdatcdat Marisa, I'm freaking out.cdat
Thanks to my testimony,cdat
an innocent man could be going to prison for 20 years.t
I can totally relate.cdat
You can?cdat
Yes. Petey is blackmailing me to hang out with him.cdat
It was only a couple of days, but it felt like 20 years.cdt
He made me take him to pizza,cdt
and then the movies, and then the circus.cdat
And, boy, can that kid snackt
cdatcdat Wow! Petey might as well skip the middlemancdat
and pull out his own teeth.cdat
And why exactly is he blackmailing you?cdat
Who cares? You put an innocent man behind bars.ct
cdatcdat Miami, Atlanta, Chicago, New York.cdat
Ding ding! Places we should go on spring break!cdat
No, no, no. They're all the cities thatct
the Cecil B. DeVille Traveling Circus appeared in in the past few months.cdat
And they're all the same places that the art heists took place.t
cdat At the same time.cdat
Where are you going? To prison.cdatcdat
Wow. I always assumed I'd wind up there before she did.cdat
cdat ( buzzer sounds )cdatcdat
Ah. I'm Officer Frida...ct
Dudeinjail.cdat
Hey! Eyes down here, big guy.t
Look, I know I'm beautiful, but,cdat
get over it!cdat
cdat Now if you'll excuse me, I need to talk to McCoy.t
Got a message from the warden.ct
Thank you.cdatcdat
Well! You're lookin' weak, McCoy!cdatcdat
You should be using your time in the slammer to get swole!cdat
cdatcdat ( sighs )cdat
And with any luck, you won't be here very long.t
You're going to kill me?cdat
No! You know who I am. Look at me.cdatt
cdat Imagine there's two.cdatt
Hey... You're the one who put me away.cdat
Yes, I am. But right now, I'm Officer Frida Dudeinjail,ct
cdat and with any luck,cdat
I will actually free the dude in jail.cdat
Hard to believe the jury took your word over mine.cdat
cdat Hey, that is not the point, OKt
The point is, I don't think you're guilty.t
And you couldn't have mentioned thatcdat
when you were on the stand testifying?!ct
Hey! Look, you asked me for help,t
and I'm here to clear your name.cdt
I'm gonna get you out of here.cdat
I'm almost positive who the real thief is.cdt
It's either a-- a performer,cdat
or some type of animal...t
in a traveling circus.cdt
cdat OK...cdatcdat
looks like I'm going to be in here a while.cdat
But don't worry about me.cdat
Historically, skinny, weak guys do great in prison.cdat
cdatcdat And the organization now agrees that I'm onto something.cdat
Guys, I have to make this right and get McCoy out of jail.cdat
So, who's readycdat
to run away and join the circus?cdat
Please. I did that the day I moved in here.cdt
cdatcdat OK, that would jack my circuitry up!cdat
cdatcdat Guys, I'm-- I'm getting really emotionalt
I feel like...ct
we finally found Ernie's real family.ct
Hello... I'm Cecil B. DeVille,cdatt
the owner of Cecil B. DeVille's Traveling Circus,cdat
and the world's greatest ringmaster.cdat
Or, as my mother likes to call me,cdat
the world's greatest disappointment.cdat
Well, I'm Kimmy and this is my familyt
Where are you traveling to next?cdt
My office, for my afternoon cry sesh.cdt
( choking up ) Well, thank you so muchcdat
for coming on short notice.cdat
Oh, of course. We are honoredct
to be a part of your incredible operationt
What? You didn't have anything to do with my quadruple bypass.cdat
cdat Oh! Oh, this two-bit circus.cdatcdat
cdat Yeah, right.cdat
I wish more young people felt that way.cdat
Kids today would rather sit in front of their computerscdat
and watch clips of the circuscdat
than go to the actual circust
Not just kids. Adults too.cdt
See, all you have to do is click on this link, and then you can--cdat
Yeah, I can see how that would be a problem for you.t
cdat Aren't you a little small and fragilecdat
to be a circus performer?cdat
And aren't you a little sad and depressedcdt
to be a ringmaster?cdat
Touché.cdat
Well, ya'all get settledt
Your dressing rooms are right over there.cdat
You'll find them right past my broken dream.cdat
cdatcdat Hey, did you guys hear thatt
Yeah! We get our own dressing rooms!cdat
No. His business is struggling.cdat
It's motive to steal if I've ever heard itt
Well, that's one possibility.cdat
Let's fan out and see what else we come up with.t
Great. I'll start with spying on Cecil during his cry sesh.cdat
cdat What? It's funny to me when grown men cry.cdatct
cdatcdat Where'd they all go?cdat
( laughs )t
Looking for these?t
Petey. ( chuckling )cdat
You're not supposed to be here when the Coopers aren't home.ct
You're in big trouble, mistert
Big, big trouble.cdat
I'm thinking you take me to the movies.cdat
I'm thinking I'll call your bluff.ct
I'm thinking I'll call K.C.cdat
I'm thinking...cdat
that we should leave now before we miss previews.cdat
cdat I like your thinking. (chuckles) Oh...cdat
trust me, you don't wanna know what I'm thinking.cdat
cdat Hi, everybody!cdatcdat
I am Kimmy James, the new tightrope walker.ct
I'm so gosh-darn excited to be here.cdat
Has anyone seen my new partner Laszlo?cdatcdt
I am Laszlo.cdat
cdatcdat (foreign accent) You're looking for me?cdat
Well, if I wasn't before, I am now.cdat
I am Kimmy James, the high-priestesscdat
of the high wire.cdat
So, you walk the tightropecdat
with religious authority of some type?cdat
Where are you from?cdatcdat
Wisconsin, the heart of America's dairyland.t
Oh. So am I.cdat
Really?cdat
No! I am Romanian.cdat
But I have family that lives in Wisconsin.cdat
What part are you from?cdat
Wh-- Uh, what part is your family from?cdat
( chuckles ) Madison.cdat
Yeah, well, I'm from..t
the other part. Oh, Kenosha?cdat
Yup. Yup, that's me.cdat
Straight outta Kenosha.ct
cdatcdat OK. So I checked out all the concession workers.cdt
No art thieves, but plenty of crooks. Hmm.t
You know, they have the nerve to charge $8.99 for a funnel cakecdat
and then skimp on the powdered sugar.cdat
Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!cdatcdt
Hey, are you gonna sneeze your way through this whole mission?ct
I'm allergic to these dumb tigers.cdat
( growling )ct
I think that you meancdat
these majestic, beautiful giantscdat
who pretty much outrank you on the food chain.cdat
( growling louder t
cdatcdat ( toots ) Whoa!cdat
cdat Oh, hi!cdatcdat
cdatcdat Yeah.cdat
My makeup doesn't look right.ct
I'm new at this.cdat
You're old at this?cdatcdat
So... you wanna do my makeup?cdt
OK. Sounds good to me.cdatcdat
cdatcdat You know, it's not easy being the new clown in townt
It's a lot of pressure.t
What if my pants fall down before they're supposed tot
cdat What if everyone laughs at me?cdatcdat
Or worse, what if they don't?ct
cdatcdat Aw, thank you!cdat
cdatcdat Hey! I like.cdat
cdat Well! Maybe I should wear makeup more often.cdatcdat
cdatcdat Not that it really matters because I probably won't be ablecdat
to keep the lights on for another day,cdat
but what exactly is it that you do, kid?cdat
Balloon animals? Poodle tricks?cdat
I am Judini,cdat
the Human-ish Cannonball.ct
Uh-huh.cdat
Sweetie, I'm not familiar with all the child labor laws,ct
but I'm pretty sure shooting a little girl out of a cannoncdat
is frowned upon.cdat
I'm tougher than I look.t
Punch me in the stomacht
Come on. Punch me!cdat
I'm pretty sure that's frowned upon too.cdt
cdat Ouch!cdatcdat
Ow! That...cdat
Cannon's over there.cdat
Knock yourself out, Judini.cdt
Ow!cdat
cdat Now it is time that we rehearse.cdatct
On that little piece of dental floss?cdat
Ah--I mean, I wouldn't have it any other way.cdatcdat
Except we could have it another way, like...cdat
lower and wider and... both.cdat
Why do I feel like you are stalling?cdat
No, no. I'm not stallingt
I just-- I think we should get to know each other.cdt
You know, I don't just go up on a high-wire with anyone.t
So, what are you into? You like art?cdat
Ever been to an art galleryt
cdatcdat Hey!cdat
Hello, there, little crab man.cdat
I would shake your hand, but you're...cdatcdat
currently using them to walk, so...cdat
Hi, I'm Kimmy, the new tightrope walkert
Why are you telling me? I don't know you.cdat
I don't talk to strangers.t
That guy's all bent out of shape.t
What's his deal?t
Totally paranoid.cdat
Always looking over his shoulder...cdat
and other body parts.cdat
Paranoid and can fit into small spaces.cdt
Good to know. JEFF: Are you talkin' about me?t
cdatcdat Gotta be honest. This isn't workingt
Yeah, well, next time try ordering a salad.cdat
I told you the sardine pineapple pizza was a bad idea.cdat
No, I mean us.cdat
This blackmailing thing doesn't havecdat
the spontaneity it used to.ct
I threaten to tell K.C., you take me fun places.cdt
I threaten to tell K.C., you take me fun places.cdat
Where's the magic?cdat
Where's the spark?cdat
Oh, so it's my fault we're stuck in this rut?cdat
It takes two to tango, mister.t
Tango!cdat
That would be a great change of pace.ct
We never go dancing.cdat
Well, I don't see you making much of an effort.ct
Stop criticizing me, woman!t
Oh, my goodness.cdatcdat
I am dating a nine-year-old.cdt
And the worst part is,cdat
this is the longest relationship I've ever had.cdat
cdatcdat Please. Child's play.cdt
cdatcdat Great work, everybody!cdat
Tomorrow we perform for the crowd.cdat
You know, if anyone actually shows up.cdat
cdat Guys. Guys.cdatcdat
OK. Let's review the suspects.t
There's DeVille, the sad sack owner of the circus.cdat
Definitely has a motive to steal.cdat
( sobbing )cdat
And to see a therapist.cdat
Agreed, but, if he stole millions of dollars' worth of art,cdat
then why is he still in such a bad mood?t
We need to keep an eye on him. OK, Judy?cdat
cdat Judy!cdatcdat
Yeah. Yeah. Watch DeVille. Got it.t
cdat What's up with this Laszlo guy you're working with?t
Well, I mean, he keeps complaining about not getting paid,cdat
but the jury's still out on him.cdat
But not his abs-- they're guilty of being perfectt
cdat Any suspects other than Mr. Good Core?cdatt
cdat I did meet this one girl.t
She's the warmest,cdat
most beautiful, elegant creature I've ever seen.cdat
What's her name? Wacky Jackie.cdat
I really like her, and I think she likes me.cdatt
Well, then, Jackie is definitely wacky. ( chuckles )cdat
cdatcdat Oh...cdat
look at that. A rose!cdt
That is so sweet.cdat
Look, I'm sorry to break it to you, but I don't date co-workerst
cdat "Kimmy, I know why you're really here.cdatct
"I have information that can help you.cdat
Meet me in the storage room in five minutes."cdat
Did you write this?cdatct
Stop licking me.cdatcdat
What part of "it's not happening" do you not understand, Frenchiet
cdat ( door opens )cdatcdat
Hey! Yoo-hoo! It's me.cdat
Kimmy. ( chuckles )cdat
( turns switches on and off )cdatcdat
Came to talk. I got your letter.cdatcdat
( door shuts )cdat
( door locked )cdatcdat
( growling )cdat
Oh!cdat
OK, um, you know what?cdat
Now is a great time to discuss the merits of bein' a vegetarian.cdat
cdatcdat ( rattling lock )cdat
cdat ( growling )cdat
Come on. ( panting )cdat
You guys really don't wanna do this.cdat
I mean, look at me. I barely got any meat on my bones.cdat
I would be a lot of work for a little dinner.cdat
( growling )cdat
Help! Help! Help!cdat
cdat Did someone call for help?cdat
( low growls )cdatcdat
Yeah, this whole rushing-in- and-saving-me thing,cdat
not makin' you any less attractive.cdt
cdat So, McCoy is still stuck in prisot
and we have no idea who the actual thief ist
But you know what? I'll tell you who it isn'tt
Laszlo. If it wasn't for him-t
Those tigers would have K.C. breath?cdat
Be poopin' out flannel tomorrow?cdat
I was going to say flossing pieces of me out of their teeth,cdat
but you know what? I like your's better.cdt
KIRA: Uh, Judyt
can you analyze the handwritingcdat
and tell us who wrote this note?ct
I would say this was written by...cdat
someone with access to a pen.cdat
Seriously, people, I need samples to compare it to.cdat
I am not a machine.cdat
OK. I am a machine,cdatcdt
but I do need samples to compare to.cdat
cdat ( sneezing t
Dad, why are you wearing your glasses?cdat
I can't wear my contacts. My eyes are on fire.cdat
Yeah. He's allergic to those adorable tigersct
but he doesn't wanna complain about it--cdat
to anybody but me.cdat
You know, Dad, with those glasses on, you kinda remind of someone.cdat
You know, I feel bad for anybody who has to look like this all the timet
cdat Looking good, Dadt
Ah, I know you look like someonecdat
but I cannot put my finger on it.cdat
cdat Uh, anyway. Guys, let's focus, OK?cdat
Let's do what we do best.cdat
BOTH: Eat dinner?cdat
No. Complete this mission.ct
Like the highly qualified spiet
four out of five of us actually are.cdat
Now, we need everyone's handwriting samples.cdat
I'll get Wacky Jackie's, and if she's guilty,cdat
I'll see if she can be redeemed by the love of a good man.cdat
cdat You know what? I got it. I know who you look like.cdat
Don Cheadle.cdat
( laughing ) Yeah. yeah.cdat
No. No, no. That's not it.cdat
cdat Man! This is gonna bug me all dayt
cdatcdat Good thing I'm fire-retardant.t
Judini, wait! Wait! Wait!cdat
( sighs )cdat
Are you going to talk me out of thiscdat
because it's not safe for an adult,cdat
let alone a nine-year-old?cdt
Heck no! I just didn't want to miss it!ct
cdat But be careful.cdt
The Cecil B. DeVille Circus does not have insurance.cdat
cdat So what happens if your fancy art collection goes up in flames?cdat
My what? Never mind.cdat
cdatcdat Whoo-hoo! Yeah, baby!cdat
cdat ( laughing )cdatcdat
cdat Not bad, huh?cdatct
Judini, that was incredible!cdat
You're my new star headliner.ct
Can I get that in writing?t
cdatcdat So, Wacky Jackie...cdat
Oh, don't be so formal. Call me Wacky.cdat
OK. I've been thinking about our act, Wacky Jackie--cdat
I mean, Wacky.cdat
Right now, I pour seltzer down your pants,cdatcdat
you hit me with the rubber chicken,cdat
then I cough out feathers.cdat
But...cdat
what if insteadcdat
I spray you with seltzer?cdat
Oh, I love that!t
Ernie, you're the funniest guy I've ever met.cdat
And I've worked with Jingles The Clown.cdat
High praise!cdat
Oh, by the way,cdat
it's Mitzi the Dancing Poodle's birthday today,cdat
and I'm passing around a card.cdat
Everyone's signing it.cdat
And if you could somehow work the wordscdat
"storage room" in there, that'd be great.cdat
cdatcdat Hop on.cdat
You know, I would,cdat
but I did a spinning class this morning.cdat
Come on.cdat
You know, I'm just--cdat
I'm not really a huge fan of the whole,cdat
you know, bike-on-a-tightrope thing.cdat
It's a little "been there, I don't want to do that."cdat
cdat Don't be nervous.cdat
Nothing can go wrongcdat
as long as the net is there.cdat
Of course. Hup.cdat
OK. ( clears throat )cdat
cdat Oooh.cdatcdat
cdatcdat KC: Oh, oh, OK. All right.cdat
What ya doin'? ( nervous chuckles )cdatcdat
cdat Hup!cdatcdat
cdatcdat All right. All right. All right. All right.cdat
( KC grunts )cdat
cdatcdat Hop on.cdat
Ride back to the platform? Don't mind if I do.cdat
cdat Hup!cdat
OK.cdat
Oooh...cdat
All right.cdat
This is good.cdat
cdatcdat You're very good...t
( both chuckle )cdat
...for a beginner.t
Beginner? Please,cdat
I have been doing this my whole life.cdat
In fact, I came out walking on the umbilical cord.t
cdat KC: I don't know why you'd think I'm a beginner.cdat
LASZLO: Well, considering one of your fingernails is stuck in my armcdat
from when you were holding on to it for dear life,cdat
I'd say there's a chancet
you're not being completely honest.cdt
cdat Come on.cdatcdat
Tell me whats really going on.t
You know you can trust me.t
cdat All right.cdatcdat
But, listen. You have to swearcdatcdat
that you won't tell anybody, or else it could be the end of my career.cdat
I swear.cdat
OK.cdat
Look, there's been a string of art heistscdat
and I have been assigned to find the thief.cdat
I'm actually an undercover...ct
cdat insurance adjuster.cdatcdat
Yup. Just as glamorous as it sounds.cdatcdat
An art thief? Huh. Do you have any leadst
Well, right now, I'm thinking it's the tigers,ct
but that's probably an overly emotional, biased responsecdat
to them trying to eat me!cdat
OK, I am not a secret undercover insurance adjustert
cdat like you,cdat
but you know who I think it could be?t
cdat Jeff the creepy contortionistt
You know what? You may be right.cdat
My mom always told me never trust a guy who blows his nose upside down...cdat
cdat with his feet.cdat
cdatcdat Oh, wow!cdat
Your butt's a built-in coffee table!cdat
cdat Who are you? What are you doing here?t
Am I being fired?ct
Is there a fire? Where are the exits?t
( chuckles ) You're so silly!cdat
No. I'm just your biggest fan.t
Even though I'm only four feet tall.cdat
But my mom says if I eat my fruits and vegetablescdat
I'll grow big and strong!cdat
Well, could you grow somewhere else?cdat
I just wanted your autograph.ct
I don't do autographs.t
( cries )cdatcdat
cdat OK, you can have my autograph!cdatcdt
Just please stop crying.t
cdatcdat Can you make it out to Amy?cdt
( softly ) Oh, dang. I need more letters.cdat
Uh, can you make it out to my full name?cdat
cdat I am Amy...cdatcdat
Jingleheimerschmidt.cdat
cdat Ow! Cramp! Cramp!cdatt
Hey! Work through the pain, Bendy Boy!cdat
Oh, I'm sorry. I think I got a little froggy in my throat.ct
cdat MARISA: Look, Petey, I think this is our last hurrah.cdatt
I need an actual boyfriend,t
and you need to be home by 8:00,ct
so I don't see this working out.cdat
Yeah, I'm over you, too. It's been real.cdat
Um, no, no, no.cdat
You're not letting me down easy,cdat
I am letting you down easy!cdt
cdat ( trumpet playing )cdatcdt
( audience cheers )cdat
cdat ( whistle blows )cdatcdat
cdatcdat ( nose honks )cdat
cdatcdat ( cheers, applause )cdat
cdatcdat ( Petey screaming )cdat
cdatcdat Yeah!cdat
cdatcdat Hey, don't those circus peoplet
kinda look a little like the Coopers?cdat
I am not speaking to yout
We will enjoy the show,t
and then go our separate ways, as per your wishes.cdat
cdat Ladies and gentlemen,ct
I am your ringmaster, Cecil B. DeVille,cdat
welcoming you to the greatest circus in the world!cdat
cdat Don't fact check that.ct
And now, for our first act,t
Wacky Jackie and her Big Top Clowns!cdat
cdat ( audience cheering )cdatct
cdatcdat ( laughter )cdat
cdatcdat ( clang )cdat
That weird, pathetic clown kinda reminds me of Ernie.cdatt
cdatcdat It is Ernie!cdat
Uh, uh, Earnie? Yeah, right.cdat
I admit he's a clown, but he's not a professional.t
I'm gonna go see what I can find out.cdat
Uh, no, no, no, no, no.cdt
Uh, new act is coming out. Don't want to miss it.cdat
KC, I just completed analyzing the writing samples, and none of them are a match.cdt
cdat But someone at the circus has got to be involved with the art theft.cdat
McCoy is still in jail, and we need to help him.t
What am I not seeing?t
Laszlo. What about Laszlo?cdat
No. I'm definitely seeing Laszlo.cdat
I like what I see, OK?t
No. Not OK.cdat
We never got his writing sample.cdat
But he's cool. Remember? I told you, he's the one who saved me from the tigerst
Or, he's the one who tried to feed you to the tigers.cdat
What? No! No.cdat
Think about it.cdat
He just so happened to have a side of raw beefcdat
when he walked by the storage room?cdat
I am sure that there is somecdat
logical explanation for why that would happen.ct
I mean, he was probably just cooking some dinner,t
heard me yelling for help,t
and made a split-second decisiont
to sacrifice his uncooked filet mignon in order to--t
Yeah, I got played.ct
And now, tiger lovers,cdatcdat
The Amazing Wayne and Wanda!cdt
Or, truth be told,cdat
The Pretty Good Wayne and Wanda!cdat
Oh, who am I kidding?cdat
The "They Were Available at the Last Minute Wayne And Wanda."cdat
cdatcdat ( sneezing )cdat
We're in the middle of a show! Will you stop sneezing?cdat
Those giant cats are giving me hives!cdat
They're making me all itchy.cdt
You want to talk itchy?cdt
Get back to me when you're wearing gold lamé drawers!cdat
Now pick up that hoop. OK.cdat
cdatcdat ( tigers growling )cdat
You know what? I just figured out who you look like.t
And it definitely ain't Don Cheadle.t
( tigers growling )cdat
Oh, come on. You can't tell me that doesn't lookcdat
exactly like Mrs. Cooper and...cdat
kind of an older version of Ernie.cdat
cdat Oh, so now everybody looks like Ernie?cdat
( chuckles ) I don't know.cdat
Something's going on,cdat
and trust me, I'm gonna get to the bottom of it.cdat
cdat But first,cdatcdat
I'm going to get to the bottom of this!cdat
( tigers growling ) Up-up!cdatcdat
Good girl.cdat
Up-up! ( tigers growling )t
Yes.cdat
And up-up!cdat
( cheers, applause )cdatct
cdat ( Craig sneezing )t
Craig, I got a crazy idea.cdat
Crazier than us pretending to be tiger tamers?cdat
I've gotten attached to these guys.cdat
And they don't belong at the circus in a cage. They deserve a good home.cdat
You'd better not be talking about our house.t
We don't have room for a litter box that big!t
No. We are sneaking them out of here.cdat
I found a sanctuary that will feed them and take care of them.cdat
For free? Can we send the kids there instead of college?t
Ow! Just asking! Achoo!cdat
cdatcdat KC: ( thinking ) All right, Laszlo,cdat
there's gotta be proof that you're the art thief in here somewhere.cdat
cdatcdat Ugh! Why isn't there anything here?cdat
Unless I'm wrongcdat
and you are as sweet on the insidecdat
as you are on the outside.ct
cdatcdat Hey!cdat
What are you doing in heret
It's my dressing room. What are you doing here?cdat
Oh, right. Um, I stopped by to say goodbye.cdat
Yeah, um, turns out nobody at this circus is part of the art theft,t
so the insurance company assigned me to a different caset
Yeah, something about someone got rear-ended,t
or somebody's rear end not turning out right. I don't know.cdat
Either I'll be talking to a mechanic or a plastic surgeon.ct
cdat Well, toodles.cdat
cdat Well, wait! You can't leave yet.t
It's almost time for our performance,ct
and Laszlo needs a partner.ct
You've gotten so good at the routine, and...t
cdat we can't disappoint all those little kids.t
cdat Awright. ( chuckles )cdatcdat
I guess it's showtime!cdat
cdat Oh, yes...cdat
It's definitely...cdt
showtime.cdatcdat
cdatcdat Hey! That poodle and I have the same haircut!cdat
Earnie. Earnie, what are you doingt
Waiting for the poodle act to finish.cdat
I want to give Mitzi her birthday card.cdat
Aw, how cute is that? Focus!cdat
Look, I need you sneak into Laszlo's dressing roomcdatct
and see if you can get any evidence tying him to the art theft.t
All right, let me set a reminder.cdat
cdat If you could do all this before I have to get on that highwire.cdatcdat
Walking on a tightrope is not necessarily a walk in the park.cdat
Relax. There's a net. It's not that big a deal.cdat
Said the boy who freaks outcdt
when his peas touches his mashed potatoes.ct
They're not meant to touch!cdat
cdat And now, direct your eyes to The Great Judini!cdat
cdat ( cheers, applause )cdat
cdatcdat OK, I'm not crazy!cdat
That's Judy! That's Judy!cdat
( chuckles ) You are being ridiculous.t
Here, have some popcorn.t
cdat Are you ready, Judini?cdat
I came out of the box ready.t
Beam me up, Shorty Bop!ct
cdatcdat Bon voyage, money makert
cdat JUDY: Whoo-hoo!cdatcdat
Hey, Petey!cdat
How ya doin' ?cdat
cdatcdat What do you say now? You still don't think that's Judy?cdat
I guess I see a passing resemblance.t
cdat And now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,cdatcdat
the Cecil B. DeVille Traveling Circus is proud to presentcdat
cdat the high-wire act beyond compare,cdat
the circus star extraordinaire,cdat
the one, the only...cdat
Laszlo!cdat
Wow, I'm suddenly enjoying the circus.t
And my beautiful...cdat
( softly ) and temporary...cdat
partner, Kimmy!cdat
Kimmy, my Aunt Franny! That's KC Cooper!cdatcdat
MARISA: I don't think so.t
PETEY: Oh, come on! She's your best friend!cdat
How can you not recognize your best friend?cdt
cdat ( two-way radio beeps ) Perfect timing, bro. What's up?cdat
ERNIE: I'm in Laszlo's dressing room. You need to know two things.cdat
First, I found the blueprints to every single art gallery that was robbed.cdat
cdat He's our guy.cdat
What's the other thing?cdat
I found lip printscdat
all over his headshot.cdat
I think he's been making out with his own photo.cdat
He's a weirdo! Be careful!cdat
KC: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.t
I just got to do this performance,cdat
then I'll take him downt
And now, before we begin our performance,cdat
I ask Mr. DeVille to remove the safety nets!cdat
cdat Remove the what now?ct
cdatcdat Come on, Kimmy! Let's do this!cdat
Ya know, I would, I really would,cdat
but, uh, I just remembered I have some really important plans tonightcdat
with some friends of mine-- the bones in my body--cdat
and I don't really want to break my plans... or my bones.cdat
cdat Relax, it's just like we rehearsed.cdatcdat
One step at a time.cdat
You trust me... don't you?cdat
cdat ( exhales )cdat
cdatcdat ( audience gasps )cdat
cdat Excellent, Kimmy. Or should I say...cdatcdat
cdatcdat ...KC!cdat
Wh-wh-what are you talking about?cdat
You don't even know what you're talking about.ct
You're not an insurance adjuster,cdat
You're here to bust me for those art heists.cdat
OK, so you do know what you're talking about.ct
cdat I guess the game's over. I'm taking you in.cdatcdat
( scoffs ) As we say in Romania,cdat
I don't think so.cdat
( audience gasps )cdat
Listen, that is not a Romania thing, OK?t
They literally say that everywhere.t
cdatcdat ( KC grunts )cdat
cdat ( Laszlo grunts )cdatcdat
cdatcdat So how did you get in the gallery that nightt
Tightrope from the next building?ct
cdat ( audience gasps )cdatcdt
Well, it's no secret I'm an expert with ropes.cdat
Which is how I'll be making my escape.cdat
cdatcdat Mom, the Coopers are in a circuscdat
and some guy just pulled a gun on Marisa!cdat
Yes, it's true!cdat
Pick me up, Mom!cdat
Mom!!!cdat
( spectators screaming ) Relax! Relax, everybody!cdat
It's all a part of the act.cdt
Sheesh! Am I the only one who understands showmanship?ct
cdatcdat AUDIENCE: Whoa!!!cdat
There seems to be a huge mistake.cdt
I'm not a part of this spy stuff.t
I just wanted to steal a book report!cdat
Hey! You leave that poor girl alone!cdat
Poor girl?cdat
Don't you mean your best friend?cdat
What? I have never met that girl in my entire life!cdat
Yeah. Yeah, it's true.t
I have no idea who KC Coretta Scott King Cooper ist
and she is definitely not my next-door neighbor.cdat
cdat OK, maybe we've met a few times!cdatt
cdat Don't try to follow mecdat
or you'll never see her again!cdat
KC, help me!cdat
cdatcdat ( audience cheers )cdat
Thank you. Thank you.cdat
cdat Thank you. Thank you. (chuckles )cdatcdat
Hey, look at that Laszlo, you were right.cdat
I didn't need a net.cdat
But you are gonna need a lawyer.cdat
cdatcdat All rise for the Honorable Dudley Theopolis.cdat
cdat And just to be clear...cdatt
I am the Honorable Dudley Theopolis!cdat
cdat Now all sit for the Honorable Dudley Theopolis.cdatcdat
cdat Now stand.cdatcdat
Ha ha! Gotcha.cdatcdat
I didn't say, "for the Honorable Dudley Theopolis."cdat
You're all out!cdat
Ha ha! Gets 'em every time, don't it?t
cdat All right, let's get down to business.cdatcdat
I have reviewed the new evidencecdat
provided by Agent 8433599.cdat
cdat Now that Laszlo, the true art thief, is behind bars,cdat
I hereby overturn the previous rulingcdat
and find the defendant Bob McCoy...cdat
not guilty!cdat
Whoo!cdat
Court adjourned!cdat
I don't know how to thank you!cdatcdat
Hey, I'm just glad that justice prevailed.t
( chuckles )ct
Good work, Agent.cdatcdat
Thank you. It was an honor, Your Honor.cdat
You're one smart cookie.cdat
Right back atcha. ( chuckles )cdat
All right, now.cdat
WOMAN: Rob, your name's on TV!cdat