cdatcdat ♪
cdatcdat What are you doing?cdat
In movies, when actors go underwater,cdat
I like to hold my breath to see if I'd survive.cdat
Okay, well, in that case, I recommend watchingcdat
Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea.cdat
( exhales loudly )cdat
KC, I just spoke with the Organization,cdatcdat
and it look like you're getting a new partner for your next mission.t
I don't need a new partner, okay?cdat
I am a strong, smart, independent, self-sufficient woman who can stand on her own.t
Well, he's supposed to be the real deal.cdat
Wait, he's a he?cdat
It's about time I got a new partner.cdatcdat
- So what's his name? - Dexter.cdat
- How old is he? - Around 18.cdat
- Oh? Long hair, short hair? - Short hair.cdat
Okay, short hair, don't care.cdat
What's his cuteness level?cdat
Adorable.cdat
Score!cdat
Whoa, whoa, whoa.cdat
The last thing we need is a repeat of Brett Willis.ct
The Organization is not your own personal dating service.cdat
Hey, look, I have relationship goals.cdat
Like, to have one.cdat
So when do I get to meet him?cdt
Actually, he is here now.cdat
cdat Oh, Dexter.cdatcdat
cdatcdat Uh, please tell me my new partner has a dog.cdat
cdat Your new partner is a dog.cdat
Meet Dextert
Told you he was adorable.cdat
'Sup, dog?cdat
Try to keep it professional, KC.cdat
cdat ♪ Oh, when danger comes for you ♪cdatcdat
♪ You know I'll stand beside you ♪cdat
♪ 'Cause ain't nobody keep things hustle cool ♪cdat
♪ I'll always find a way, a way out of the fire ♪cdat
cdat ♪ Don't tell nobody, tell nobody ♪cdat
cdat ♪ I'm not perfect ♪cdat
♪ So many things I wanna tell you ♪cdat
cdat ♪ But I, I, I, I keep it undercover ♪cdat
cdat ♪ Livin' my life, no way to learn ♪cdat
♪ Doin' my thing, gonna make it work ♪cdat
♪ Know I'm the realest, baby, I'm fearless ♪cdat
♪ But I always got your back ♪cdat
♪ Nobody can do it like I can ♪cdat
♪ I gotta find out who I am ♪cdat
♪ Ain't got to worry about me ♪cdat
♪ It's all part of the plan ♪cdat
I keep it undercover.cdat
cdat - ( barking ) - Shut up, okay?cdatcdat
Look, Marisa, I know you're hurting about the breakup with Bobby,cdatcdat
but we knew this was coming.cdat
And by we, I mean everyone in school but you.cdt
( barking )cdat
Would you shut up, please?cdt
Sorry, Marisa. I wasn't talking to you.cdat
Look, all I'm saying is,cdat
there's someone better out there for you.cdat
- ( barking ) - Hey, enough is enough.cdat
Bark one more time, I will make you sorry you were ever born.cdat
cdat You know what, Marisa?cdatt
I'm gonna call you back, all right? Okay.cdat
cdatHey, let go of my shirt.cdat
Let go. This is my favorite shirt.cdt
cdatcThe dumb dog hates me.cdat
Why would you say that?cdat
Because he purposely knocked over my science projectcdat
and broke it, he's been pushing me around,ct
and he just stole my favorite shirt.cdat
Is this some kind of punishment?cdt
Because no self-respecting person works with a dog,cdat
unless you're a fireman, or a sheep herder.cdat
Or a taxidermist.cdat
( Dexter barks )cdat
KC, Dexter isn't just a dog.ct
He's a top-level agent for the Organization.cdat
Now, your mission is to bust up a ring of criminalscdat
who are smuggling dangerous and illegal fireworkst
and selling them on the black market.cdat
Why's it always gotta be the black market?cdat
Why can't it be the pink market?cdat
Or the green market?cdat
As I was saying...cdat
not only can Dexter sniff out the fireworks,cdatcdat
but he can also sniff out liars.cdat
Know what else can sniff out a liar?cdat
- What? - A lie detector.cdat
And it doesn't steal your shirt.cdat
Okay, all right, you two are off to a funky start.cdat
I suggest that you spend some time together,cdat
and earn each other's trust.ct
Oh, yeah, for suret
We can start by going to the mall and getting me a new shirt,cdat
right after he's done fertilizing the flower bedt
Come on, man!cdt
Yeah, I think we're gonna need a bigger bag.cdatcdt
Oh, no, honey. You gonna need a bigger bag.cdat
That's your partner.cdat
cdatcdat Mom, can we just move?cdat
cdatcdat Okay, I know your dad's too cheap to buy you a car,cdt
but are you riding a horse to school?cdat
( forced laughter )cdat
This is Dexter.cdat
An emotional support dogt
Oh, thank goodness you are here.cdat
Bobby dumped me for Anna, and I feel like such a foolt
And you look like one, too.cdat
Girl, get up.cdat
He is my partner on a mission.cdat
We're supposed to bond togethercdat
but he's practically untrained.cdat
Really? Sit, boy.cdat
cdat Lie down.cdatcdat
cdatcdat Sit up.cdat
Pick me out a new look for summer.cdatcdat
cdatcdat Nice choice, Dexter. Up top.cdat
cdat ( clears throat )cdat
As usual, you know how to talk to boys and I don't.cdat
cdatcdat Eight ball, corner pocket.cdt
Oh, what the heck. All balls, all pockets.cdatt
cdatcdat Hold on to your puffs, Judy,ct
'cause I have got a surprise for you.cdat
If it's you asking me to do your math homework for you again,ct
it's not a surprise.cdat
I was going through my room,cdatcdat
and I found these great dolls that I have outgrown,cdt
cdat and since my parents refuse to give mecdat
a little sibling of my own to pass them down to--cdat
something about learning from their mistakes--cdat
cdat I thought I would give them to yout
cdat Oh, wow.cdat
That's so nice of you.cdat
These dolls are amazing.cdat
I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.cdat
I am just glad they found a good new home.cdat
Yep, they found a good new home.cdat
cdatcdat In the landfill.cdat
Look, Mom, I tried to get along with Dexter.cdatt
I really did try, but he is impossible.cdat
You know the phrase "my dog ate my homework"?cdat
He literally ate my homework.ct
And everybody else's in history class.cdat
And then, he decided to fertilize my foot,cdat
out of nowhere.cdat
I'm pretty sure it came out of somewhere.cdat
And the worst part is,cdat
I know he did it on purpose.ct
I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.cdat
KC, do you hear yourself?cdat
Yes, I just said, I hate him,cdat
I hate him, I hate him.cdat
Okay, you're right. You're right.cdatcdat
This is ridiculous. I'm fighting with a dog.cdat
No, you're fighting with an agent.cdat
Do you think I get along with every agent I get partnered with?cdat
Like Beverly or your father?cdat
Yeah, but I don't need himt
I said the same thing.cdat
And 20 years later, here we are.cdat
Look, Mom, I have an informant who will give mecdat
all the information I need about the illegal fireworks.ct
I can take them down without Dexter's help.cdat
Let's not forget, I am the one who single-handedlycdat
taught Dad how to Nae-Nae.cdt
Okay, right now, it's just one Nae, but we're working on it.ct
KC, the Organization assigned you to Dexter.cdat
So like it or not, you need to work with him on this mission.cdat
cdat Not!cdat
You gave me an option, like it or not.cdat
I choose not.cdat
cdatcdat Judy, just came to see how you're getting alont
with my old dollst
Where are they?cdat
Over there.cdat
In the trash can?cdat
cdat You threw away my dolls?cdatcdat
No. I threw away my dolls.cdt
But you can have them back if they mean so much to you.ct
No, no, I don't want them back.cdat
I just want you to play with themt
And possibly just text me pictures with funny captionsct
so I can see what they're up to,cdat
and how much you love them.cdt
Like, for instance, Samantha.cdat
She was the first woman to shop on Mars.cdat
And this hot tubt
I saved my tooth fairy money for over a year to buy thist
I even pulled out two adult teethct
so I could afford the one with the working jets.ct
That's right. Caps.cdat
I will never eat corn on the cob again,cdatt
but my dolls' wet and wild spring break was legendary.cdt
cdat Legendary!cdat
cdat How could you just throw all this awayt
They're boring.cdat
Plus, I imagined them screaming in horrorcdat
as I closed the trash lid, and it really made me laugh.ct
( evil chuckling )cdat
Boring?cdat
If you think that these dolls are boring,cdat
then you must not be using them right.cdat
I mean, these dolls entertained me my whole life.ct
To be fair, staring at the ceiling fan entertains you.t
cdatcdat Are you listening?cdat
I'm sorry. What?cdat
cdatcdat All right, my informant said the illegal fireworkscdat
are being stored in here. We're going in.cdat
Wait. Shouldn't we wait for Agent Dexter?cdat
- I left him in the van. - You what?cdat
I left him in the van. What?cdat
I rolled down the windows and left the radio on.cdat
What can I say, the dog likes smooth jazz.cdt
But the whole point was to use the dogcdat
to sniff out the fireworks.cdat
Ernie, will you forget the dang dog?cdat
Look, the Organization has been solving casescdat
without the help of the animal kingdomcdat
since the beginning of time.cdat
Actually, the Organization was founded--cdat
Ernie, that is not the pointt
Can we please forget Dex Doggy Dog?cdat
I got this. This is my get.cdat
Let's go.cdat
cdat Nobody move!cdatcdat
There's nobody in here.cdat
Just like your last birthday party all over again.t
Looks like you got some wrong information, KC.cdatt
Oh, really? What do you call that?cdat
Just like my informant said,ct
the fireworks are in here.cdat
cdatcdat Doesn't look very firework-y to me.cdat
That's because the fireworks are...cdat
cdat hidden inside of these phony antiquities.cdat
cdatcdat Obviously, they're not gonna put the fireworks in the top ont
in case it gets searched.cdat
That would be just dumb.cdat
We're dealing with high-class criminals here, people.cdat
cdatcdat A very high-class criminal.cdt
cdat I have never seen a higher class of criminal.cdt
Call me crazy,cdat
but I'm starting to think those are real antiquities.cdt
cdat Please. If these were real antiquities,cdat
then this packing slip would say that...cdat
"Smithsonian Institute. Ancient Egypt Exhibit.cdat
Fragile. Priceless and irreplaceable."cdat
cdat Well, can I get a five up topct
for cracking the case of the missing Egyptian antiquities? Yeah.cdat
cdatcdat KC, your behavior was inexcusable.t
By cutting Dexter out of the missiont
you broke the agents' code of conduct.cdat
Conduct? What about his conduct?cdat
Dexter's the one gettin' busy with the pillow over there.cdt
See, this is the problemt
You've never taken Dexter seriously.t
You treat him like a dog, and he's a ranking agent.cdat
And a Mr. Fuzzy Pants.cdat
Who's a Mr. Fuzzy Pants?cdat
You are. You are.cdat
Look, Mom, so I destroyed a few ancient artifacts.cdat
cdat There's gonna be new ancient artifacts.cdat
In 5,000 years, this will be an ancient artifact.cdat
cdat You wanna call the Smithsonian nowcdat
and tell 'em it's gonna be a while or should I?cdat
Mom, it's not like you've never made a mistake before.ct
Letting that silo in Zurich explode,cdat
or shooting that Monrovian dignitary.cdat
Oh, having Ernie.cdat
If you had just brought Dexter in with youcdatcdat
to meet your informant, Dexter would've alerted youcdt
that your informant was lying.cdat
Mom, it's not my fault, okay?ct
I tried to get Dexter to come in, but he wouldn't do it.cdt
- ( barks ) - Lie!cdat
And what about the warehouset
If you had brought Dexter,cdt
he would've sniffed the crate of artifactscdat
and told you there was no contraband.cdat
Again, Mom, Dexter refused to get out of the van.cdat
cdat ( barks )cdat
Lie, and an obvious one.cdat
We were there, and we know that isn't true.ct
I'm telling you, the dog doesn't like me.cdat
cdat No lie there.cdatcdat
Honey, I'm sorry, but you're off the case.cdat
What are you talking about?cdt
I have no choice.cdat
Dexter filed a formal complaint against you.t
He's a dog. He doesn't have thumbs.cdat
How did he file a complaint?cdat
I filed a grievance on his behalf.cdat
I don't want his stellar reputation sulliedcdat
by your terrible behavior.cdt
Well, who's in charge of the mission now?cdat
I am, and unlike you, I am excited to be workingcdt
with an agent of Dexter's caliber.cdat
cdat Aw, good for you.cdat
Don't forget to sniff his butt while you're down there kissing it.cdat
cdat ( high-pitched voice ) I'm getting ready for the prince's ball.cdat
I'm getting ready for an important software conferencecdat
in Toledo.cdat
Um, no, you're getting ready for the prince's ballt
so you can meet a handsome suitort
Um, no. I wanna focus on my careercdat
so I can buy my own condo.cdt
( normal voice ) Judy, I told yout
it is more fun if they go to the same placet
But besides, Marguerite has to go to the ballct
because she is the prince's girlfriendt
Not anymore, she's not.cdat
The prince is breakin' up with her. It's over.cdat
I like Pamela and her eyecdat
for lucrative, income-generating investment properties.cdat
cdat That is not even what he sounds liket
If you can't play with my dolls the way that they are meant to be played with,cdatcdt
then maybe you don't deserve them.cdat
I am taking my dolls, and I am going home.cdat
cdat Finally. I thought I'd never get rid of her.cdatct
It's okay, Pam. You've outgrown Marguerite.cdt
While she's all yakkin' about princes, shoes, and hot tubs,ct
cdat you're gonna be the first sister presidentcdat
in the Oval Office.cdat
cdatcdat Okay, I've tracked the suspicious shipmentcdat
to a warehouse off Riggs Road.cdat
We'll check it out tonight, because unlike KC,cdat
I really am your partner.cdat
We're like Batman and Robin, Bert and Ernie,cdat
- Turner and Hooch. - ( barks )cdat
- No, you're Hooch. - ( barks )cdat
- No, you are. - ( barks )cdat
No, you are.cdat
Paw bump.cdat
That's my dog.cdatcdat
cdat Will you please get that tail-chasin',cdatcdt
big stinky bag of fleas out of the kitchen?cdat
I'm reviewing the mission with him.cdat
I was talking to the dog.cdat
No wonder he complained about you.cdatcdat
You have a terrible attitude.ct
Yeah, well, you have a terrible face.cdat
cdat Your comebacks are even worse than your attitude.cdatcdt
I need some chips for my sandwich.cdat
cdatcdat KC, what did you do to my sandwich?cdat
cdat Nothing!cdat
Oh, well, it didn't just suddenly grow feetcdat
- and walk out of here. - Dexter ate it.cdat
Oh, please.cdat
He did, I swear. He ate it.cdat
- ( barks ) - You're lying.cdat
Who are you gonna trust, some dumb dog or your dumb sister?ct
I mean, your sister. Look, I saw him.cdat
I saw him eat the whole thing, and you know what?cdat
Now he's tryin' to make me look bad.cdat
( barks )cdat
So first he's not smart enough to be your partnert
and now he's a sandwich-stealing mastermind?t
Get it together, KC.cdat
Get it together.cdat
Come on, buddy.cdat
Come on, Dextert
cdatcdat Okay, the fireworks have to be in here.cdat
cdatcdat ( whining )cdat
You found it. Good job, boyt
Keep checking the other crates.cdat
That's right.cdat
I completed the mission that KC couldn't.cdat
Time to capture this one for posterity.cdat
cdatcdat One more? Funny faces this timet
Uh-oh.cdat
cdatcdat - ( barking ) - What?cdat
Congratulation. You have a hologram collar.cdat
( barking )cdat
Look, I really don't have time for this, okay?cdat
I happen to be typingcdat
a little formal complaint about you.cdat
I find it highly inappropriate that you show up to work naked.t
cdat Wait a minute, is that... Ernie's phone?cdat
Are you with Ernie?cdat
- ( barks ) - Is Ernie in danger, boy?cdt
- ( barks ) - Okay, are you guys at the warehouse?cdat
- ( barks ) - I'll go contact the Organization,cdat
meet you there, and you keep an eye out for Ernie.cdt
( barking )cdat
Hey, look, I am not happy about this situation either,ct
but you know what? I'ma need you to watch your language.cdat
cdatcdat Hey, boss, the boat is pulling up now.t
All right, start loading these crates.cdat
And then load this guy.cdat
We'll dump him overboard when we hit open seas.cdat
cdatcdat Okay, man, when this is overt
we really need to discuss your dog breatht
Your breath is hurtin' my feelings, bro.cdat
cdat All right, let's get this guy on the boat and get outta here.t
cdat ( whining )cdatcdat
- Where'd this dog come from? - Maybe he's lost.cdat
Hey, look, he really likes yout
Can we keep him, bosst
KC: Dexter, here, boy.cdat
Oh, Dexter, there you are.cdat
Bad doggy.cdat
I'm sorry.cdat
He just does not listen to a thing I say. Watch.cdat
Sit.cdat
See, he doesn't listen to anything I say.cdat
I had the same problem with my dog.cdat
Have you tried lowering your voice to sound more authoritative?cdat
Oh, really? Does that work?cdat
Did with my poodlet
Are you kidding me right now?cdat
Look, I don't care about you or your dumb dog. Take it and get outta heret
No, no, no. He's not dumb.cdat
There is one trick he does know how to do. Ready?t
Okay. Okay, Dexter. Go ahead.cdat
Rip his face off.cdat
cdatcdat ( whining )cdat
cdat ( stifled yell )cdatcdat
cdatcdat Whoo hoo!cdat
Hey, man, you don't wanna do that.cdat
We can talk about this. There's gotta be a way out.cdt
Not for you, there's not.cdat
cdatcdat MAN: Freeze! Drop the gun. Now!cdat
cdatcdat ( whimpering )cdat
It's okay, Dexter. I got you.cdat
cdat Thanks, Ernie.cdatcdat
You know, I'm really glad the Organization let Dexter recuperate here.cdat
It's been nice bonding with him.cdat
I'm just sorry he couldn't stay longer.cdat
Isn't that right, Mr. Fuzzy Pants?cdat
cdat ( knocking on door )cdat
Well, it looks like this is it, Agent Dexter.cdat
I'm really sorry about all those bad things I said about you.ct
To be honest, I guess I'm just not really a dog person.cdat
Well, I'm not really a person person.cdat
cdat But you know what? We did make a good team.cdat
Yes, we did. Yes, we did.cdat
All right, you know what?cdat
We're really gonna have to talk about that doggy breath.ct
You literally ate everything in this housecdat
except for mints.cdat
All right, come on.cdat
( whimpering t
Wait. Before you go, I wanna give youcdat
a little something to remember me by.cdat
Lookin' good.cdat
I love you. I'm gonna miss you.cdat
I love you, I love you.cdat
I thought you were gonna keep it professional this time, KC.cdt
This is Brett Willis all over again.cdat