1 00:00:01,458 --> 00:00:04,083 ( screaming ) 2 00:00:04,083 --> 00:00:06,833 Okay, Judy, what is wrong? 3 00:00:06,833 --> 00:00:10,875 Someone killed a tree. I think they strangled it with lights. 4 00:00:10,875 --> 00:00:12,708 Someone's trying to send us a message. 5 00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:15,708 Yeah, yeah. And I think that message is, 6 00:00:15,708 --> 00:00:17,375 "Merry Christmas!" 7 00:00:17,375 --> 00:00:19,333 Christmas trees are a tradition, 8 00:00:19,333 --> 00:00:21,708 like caroling and hanging stockings. 9 00:00:21,708 --> 00:00:23,458 And don't forget giving gifts. 10 00:00:23,458 --> 00:00:25,458 When it comes to gift giving, 11 00:00:25,458 --> 00:00:27,583 people might say I have a gift. 12 00:00:27,583 --> 00:00:29,625 Yeah, the gift of retelling 13 00:00:29,625 --> 00:00:31,833 that same joke year after year. 14 00:00:31,833 --> 00:00:36,458 Look, okay, if there was, like, a Christmas gift-giving Olympics, 15 00:00:36,458 --> 00:00:39,125 I would win the gold, the silver, and the bronze, 16 00:00:39,125 --> 00:00:41,291 and then I would take that gold, silver and bronze, 17 00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:43,375 I would rewrap it and give it away as a gift, 18 00:00:43,375 --> 00:00:44,625 because I am that good. 19 00:00:45,875 --> 00:00:47,708 Watch this. 20 00:00:47,708 --> 00:00:49,750 Hey, Dad, I know it's Christmas Eve, 21 00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,875 but I just could not wait to give you one of your gifts. 22 00:00:51,875 --> 00:00:53,750 Oh, a KC gift? 23 00:00:53,750 --> 00:00:55,583 Bring it on. 24 00:00:55,583 --> 00:00:57,708 All right, so you know, Christmas is all about family, 25 00:00:57,708 --> 00:00:59,500 and I think everyone should be together 26 00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:02,416 at this time of year, but not everyone is here. 27 00:01:02,416 --> 00:01:04,250 Sure we are. 28 00:01:04,250 --> 00:01:06,833 Maybe for Christmas, we need to get you an eye exam. 29 00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:08,583 ( forced laughter ) No. 30 00:01:08,583 --> 00:01:09,875 Okay? 31 00:01:09,875 --> 00:01:11,583 Not everyone is here. 32 00:01:11,583 --> 00:01:14,875 At least, not for another hour, 33 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:17,958 when Dad's dad Poppa Earl arrives at the airport! 34 00:01:17,958 --> 00:01:20,833 That's right, score another perfect gift from KC. 35 00:01:20,833 --> 00:01:23,750 Take that, Santa. 36 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:26,833 Why aren't you jumping up and down and thanking me? 37 00:01:26,833 --> 00:01:28,750 ( angrily ) Thanks a lot, KC. 38 00:01:30,166 --> 00:01:32,083 Huh. 39 00:01:32,083 --> 00:01:35,583 Right words, wrong tone. 40 00:01:35,583 --> 00:01:39,000 ♪ Oh, when danger comes for you ♪ 41 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,958 ♪ You know I'll stand beside you ♪ 42 00:01:41,958 --> 00:01:45,750 ♪ 'Cause ain't nobody keep things hustle cool ♪ 43 00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:50,125 ♪ I'll always find a way, a way out of the fire ♪ 44 00:01:50,125 --> 00:01:54,125 ♪ Don't tell nobody, tell nobody ♪ 45 00:01:54,125 --> 00:01:55,875 ♪ I'm not perfect ♪ 46 00:01:55,875 --> 00:02:00,000 ♪ So many things I wanna tell you ♪ 47 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:04,000 ♪ But I, I, I, I keep it undercover ♪ 48 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,000 ♪ Livin' my life, no way to learn ♪ 49 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,208 ♪ Doin' my thing, gonna make it work ♪ 50 00:02:08,208 --> 00:02:10,625 ♪ Know I'm the realest, baby, I'm fearless ♪ 51 00:02:10,625 --> 00:02:12,708 ♪ But I always got your back ♪ 52 00:02:12,708 --> 00:02:14,875 ♪ Nobody can do it like I can ♪ 53 00:02:14,875 --> 00:02:16,833 ♪ I gotta find out who I am ♪ 54 00:02:16,833 --> 00:02:19,708 ♪ Ain't got to worry about me ♪ 55 00:02:19,708 --> 00:02:21,083 ♪ It's all part of the plan ♪ 56 00:02:21,083 --> 00:02:23,375 I keep it undercover. 57 00:02:23,375 --> 00:02:24,708 I keep it undercover. 58 00:02:27,750 --> 00:02:29,833 Wait, Dad, why aren't you excited 59 00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:31,583 that your father's visiting for Christmas? 60 00:02:31,583 --> 00:02:34,833 I don't wanna talk about it. 61 00:02:34,833 --> 00:02:37,333 Mom, why isn't he excited? 62 00:02:37,333 --> 00:02:39,208 Poppa Earl hasn't visited in, like, three years. 63 00:02:39,208 --> 00:02:41,625 - Well, I guess-- - That's not a coincidence. 64 00:02:43,458 --> 00:02:44,708 So you two are mad at each other? 65 00:02:44,708 --> 00:02:47,416 I don't wanna talk about it. 66 00:02:47,416 --> 00:02:50,291 - Why didn't I know that they were in a fight? - Well, we feel that-- 67 00:02:50,291 --> 00:02:52,583 Children shouldn't be burdened with this kind of stuff. 68 00:02:52,583 --> 00:02:54,958 Is there any way you two can make up? 69 00:02:54,958 --> 00:02:59,291 - I have been saying that-- - I don't wanna talk about it! 70 00:02:59,291 --> 00:03:02,250 My father thinks I'm a very big disappointment, and I'm tired of it. 71 00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:04,750 And I am tired of not being able to get in on this conversation. 72 00:03:07,708 --> 00:03:10,625 Dad, you are a super cool, high-ranking secret agent. 73 00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:13,208 Who wouldn't be proud of... 74 00:03:13,208 --> 00:03:15,083 Oh, right. 75 00:03:15,083 --> 00:03:17,458 Someone who's not allowed to know 76 00:03:17,458 --> 00:03:19,750 that you're a super cool, high-ranking secret agent. 77 00:03:19,750 --> 00:03:21,708 Well, we could tell him, 78 00:03:21,708 --> 00:03:22,958 but then, I'd have to kill him. 79 00:03:22,958 --> 00:03:24,833 Ooh, maybe I should tell him. 80 00:03:24,833 --> 00:03:26,291 Dad! 81 00:03:26,291 --> 00:03:28,083 I'm sorry, but for 20 years, 82 00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:29,750 he's been putting me down, and it's not right. 83 00:03:29,750 --> 00:03:31,625 A father should respect his son. 84 00:03:31,625 --> 00:03:33,750 - Good news, Dad, I found-- - Not now, Ernie. 85 00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:39,000 But now, thanks to you and your gift, 86 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,125 I gotta deal with that man criticizing me 87 00:03:41,125 --> 00:03:42,958 under my own roof, so thanks a lot 88 00:03:42,958 --> 00:03:44,375 for ruining my Christmas. 89 00:03:44,375 --> 00:03:45,875 How you like your little gift now? 90 00:03:45,875 --> 00:03:48,458 I don't wanna talk about it. 91 00:03:51,458 --> 00:03:53,208 Hurry up and use those x-ray eyes. 92 00:03:53,208 --> 00:03:55,208 I wanna see what some of my gifts are. 93 00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:59,166 Hey! 94 00:03:59,166 --> 00:04:01,583 You know those fancy headphones you wanted. 95 00:04:01,583 --> 00:04:03,875 - Yeah! - You didn't get 'em. 96 00:04:05,833 --> 00:04:08,250 But you did get some brand-new tighty-whities. 97 00:04:08,250 --> 00:04:10,458 Score! 98 00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:12,833 If you ask me, this whole gift-giving thing 99 00:04:12,833 --> 00:04:15,208 is a big ol' waste of time and effort. 100 00:04:15,208 --> 00:04:16,750 Don't bother getting me anything. 101 00:04:16,750 --> 00:04:19,000 But gifts are the best part of Christmas. 102 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,708 Elves at the North Pole spend all year making them. 103 00:04:21,708 --> 00:04:24,708 Really? Little elves? 104 00:04:24,708 --> 00:04:26,416 At the North Pole? 105 00:04:26,416 --> 00:04:28,125 Making tighty-whities? 106 00:04:31,875 --> 00:04:33,583 We're home. 107 00:04:33,583 --> 00:04:34,833 Push out the way, boy. 108 00:04:34,833 --> 00:04:36,958 I wanna see my grandkids. 109 00:04:36,958 --> 00:04:38,625 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 110 00:04:38,625 --> 00:04:40,750 Ooh-whee, look at you, my sweet angel. 111 00:04:40,750 --> 00:04:42,208 Poppa Earl. 112 00:04:42,208 --> 00:04:44,416 I bet you have to fight the boys off with a stick. 113 00:04:44,416 --> 00:04:46,083 Yeah, well, sticks... 114 00:04:46,083 --> 00:04:48,375 rocks, nunchucks, whatever it takes, really. 115 00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:49,708 Ernie. 116 00:04:49,708 --> 00:04:51,166 How the ladies treatin' you? 117 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:55,708 - About the same. - Sorry to hear that. 118 00:04:55,708 --> 00:04:57,875 You're a late bloomer, kinda like your father. 119 00:04:59,291 --> 00:05:00,958 Well, maybe he was just waiting for STYLE ::cue(.speaker) ::cue(.speakerTop) 120 00:05:00,958 --> 00:05:02,333 the right girl to come along. 121 00:05:04,750 --> 00:05:08,708 And when you did, he clung on to you like grim death. 122 00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:12,500 Oh, now, Earl, let's not relive your wedding toast. 123 00:05:13,833 --> 00:05:15,583 You got a lot of nerve, Dad. 124 00:05:15,583 --> 00:05:18,166 Not saying hello to your newest granddaughter. 125 00:05:18,166 --> 00:05:20,458 Judy. 126 00:05:20,458 --> 00:05:22,708 Oh, Princess, I've heard so much about you. 127 00:05:22,708 --> 00:05:24,291 Aren't you the cutest little doll? 128 00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:27,125 No, but close. 129 00:05:27,125 --> 00:05:29,083 Real cute, real cute. 130 00:05:29,083 --> 00:05:31,291 Oh, look at that. 131 00:05:31,291 --> 00:05:33,625 I see you quit in the middle of taking my bags upstairs 132 00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:35,458 just like you quit at everything else. 133 00:05:35,458 --> 00:05:38,125 Dad, I'm asking you nicely. 134 00:05:38,125 --> 00:05:40,875 It's the holidays. Can we please not go there? 135 00:05:40,875 --> 00:05:42,708 What? I didn't say one word about you 136 00:05:42,708 --> 00:05:44,708 quitting your dream of going to med school 137 00:05:44,708 --> 00:05:46,750 to become an accountant. But since you brought it up, 138 00:05:46,750 --> 00:05:49,750 am I wrong for wishing my son was saving lives instead of saving pennies? 139 00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,833 Dad, I'm begging you. Please stop talking. 140 00:05:51,833 --> 00:05:53,875 If you don't wanna talk, why did you invite me in the first place? 141 00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:55,625 If you must know, this whole idea came from-- 142 00:05:55,625 --> 00:05:57,708 His heart. 143 00:05:57,708 --> 00:06:00,875 The bottom of his heart. 144 00:06:00,875 --> 00:06:02,708 You see, he just kept saying, 145 00:06:02,708 --> 00:06:04,333 "Three Christmases is way too long 146 00:06:04,333 --> 00:06:05,708 to go without seeing my daddy." 147 00:06:05,708 --> 00:06:09,833 Look at you two, reminiscing, having fun. 148 00:06:09,833 --> 00:06:11,166 Yeah, fun. 149 00:06:11,166 --> 00:06:12,750 Yeah, fun. 150 00:06:12,750 --> 00:06:14,708 Lots of fun. 151 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,708 Junior, help me with my bags. 152 00:06:20,125 --> 00:06:22,250 Good thing you're so good at giving gifts, 153 00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:26,083 or this could've really been awkward. 154 00:06:26,083 --> 00:06:28,000 Listen here, Afro-puffs. 155 00:06:29,625 --> 00:06:31,625 I am going to turn this into the best gift 156 00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:33,875 my dad has ever gotten. 157 00:06:33,875 --> 00:06:37,000 I just gotta do it before they deck each other's halls. 158 00:07:11,250 --> 00:07:12,958 Merry Christmas! 159 00:07:12,958 --> 00:07:14,708 ALL: Merry Christmas. 160 00:07:14,708 --> 00:07:17,708 A little present from my parents. 161 00:07:17,708 --> 00:07:20,166 From the Millers to the Coopers. 162 00:07:20,166 --> 00:07:23,333 I don't think I've ever seen such a beautiful gingerbread house. 163 00:07:23,333 --> 00:07:25,750 My mom really appreciates you guys. 164 00:07:25,750 --> 00:07:28,708 She said, sure, it is a lot of trouble 165 00:07:28,708 --> 00:07:31,000 to make a gingerbread house from scratch, 166 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:34,208 but the Coopers are totally worth it. 167 00:07:34,208 --> 00:07:36,000 Hey, look, there's a card inside. 168 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,833 No, there's not. 169 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:40,625 "To the Millers. We appreciate your business. 170 00:07:40,625 --> 00:07:42,708 Enjoy the gingerbread house. 171 00:07:42,708 --> 00:07:44,708 Merry Christmas from your friends 172 00:07:44,708 --> 00:07:46,375 at Shapiro Exterminators." 173 00:07:48,708 --> 00:07:50,625 Well, it's the thought that counts. 174 00:07:50,625 --> 00:07:52,708 I really thought I threw that card away. 175 00:07:54,583 --> 00:07:55,875 - ( bracelet chimes ) - It's mission time. 176 00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:57,458 Discreetly get everyone upstairs. 177 00:07:57,458 --> 00:07:59,333 Oh, sugar. 178 00:07:59,333 --> 00:08:01,875 I forgot to get those special ornaments 179 00:08:01,875 --> 00:08:04,750 from the attic. I better go get them. 180 00:08:04,750 --> 00:08:07,083 Um, hey, Dad, I think you should go help Mom. 181 00:08:07,083 --> 00:08:09,458 I know it's yourmission to be there for her. 182 00:08:09,458 --> 00:08:12,375 Oh, right. 183 00:08:12,375 --> 00:08:13,875 Hey, Ernie, I think we're out of tinsel. 184 00:08:13,875 --> 00:08:16,333 Do you mind going up to the attic and getting some more? 185 00:08:16,333 --> 00:08:19,416 It only be abrief moment. 186 00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:21,416 So get it yourself. 187 00:08:21,416 --> 00:08:23,458 While you're at it, get some eye drops, Blinky. 188 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:29,250 But Ernie, it's a tinsel emergency. 189 00:08:29,250 --> 00:08:31,000 Oh! Tinsel. 190 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,958 I thought you said tonsils. 191 00:08:32,958 --> 00:08:35,416 So I was, like, we don't keep tonsils... 192 00:08:35,416 --> 00:08:37,208 I'm gonna go upstairs. 193 00:08:38,708 --> 00:08:40,583 You know what, I'm gonna go help them out. 194 00:08:40,583 --> 00:08:42,333 Marisa, do you mind keeping my Pops company? 195 00:08:42,333 --> 00:08:43,458 - Sure. - Thanks. 196 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,875 So you're a doctor, right? 197 00:08:46,875 --> 00:08:49,458 Yes, and I have been for the past 40 years. 198 00:08:49,458 --> 00:08:52,083 What is the grossest thing you've ever seen, 199 00:08:52,083 --> 00:08:54,708 and where does this fall on the spectrum? 200 00:08:57,875 --> 00:09:00,750 So the Organization needs us for a surveillance mission 201 00:09:00,750 --> 00:09:02,750 at the National Archives Museum this afternoon. 202 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:04,375 There's chatter about someone possibly breaking in 203 00:09:04,375 --> 00:09:06,000 and stealing the Bill of Rights. 204 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:09,833 ( whining ) What about our right not to work on Christmas Eve? 205 00:09:09,833 --> 00:09:12,250 Oh, relax, it's a nothing mission. 206 00:09:12,250 --> 00:09:14,833 We just have to check it out. We'll be home in an hour. 207 00:09:14,833 --> 00:09:16,458 We don't know that. 208 00:09:16,458 --> 00:09:18,000 I volunteer to do the mission alone, 209 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,583 even if it takes all week. 210 00:09:19,583 --> 00:09:21,416 But then you won't be able 211 00:09:21,416 --> 00:09:23,458 to spend any time with Poppa Earl. 212 00:09:23,458 --> 00:09:26,083 Oh, darn, I didn't think of that. 213 00:09:26,083 --> 00:09:27,625 Oh, well, what can you do? 214 00:09:27,625 --> 00:09:31,875 Dad, your mission is to stay here 215 00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:33,958 and make fantastic Christmas memories with Poppa Earl. 216 00:09:33,958 --> 00:09:35,375 And then, later on, you're gonna thank me 217 00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:37,583 for giving you such a great gift. 218 00:09:37,583 --> 00:09:39,750 She's right. You and your dad need to fix things. 219 00:09:39,750 --> 00:09:41,708 Ernie and I will do the mission. 220 00:09:41,708 --> 00:09:43,583 Craig, you be with your father, 221 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,583 and KC, you make sure they don't kill each other. 222 00:09:48,083 --> 00:09:50,458 Well, well, well, look here. 223 00:09:50,458 --> 00:09:53,458 I see you forgot to tell me the party was moved upstairs. 224 00:09:53,458 --> 00:09:57,458 Like you forgot to tell me you weren't cut out for medical school. 225 00:09:57,458 --> 00:09:59,000 Yeah, Dad, you mind? 226 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,708 We're having a little family meeting. 227 00:10:00,708 --> 00:10:03,458 Are you trying to figure out other ways to ignore me? STYLE ::cue(.speaker) ::cue(.speakerTop) 228 00:10:03,458 --> 00:10:05,208 If you don't wanna spend time with me, 229 00:10:05,208 --> 00:10:07,125 why did you invite me? 230 00:10:07,125 --> 00:10:09,000 So we could all spend time together as a family. 231 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,416 Isn't that nice? 232 00:10:10,416 --> 00:10:11,833 I didn't invite you. 233 00:10:11,833 --> 00:10:13,583 KC did, as a gift to me. 234 00:10:13,583 --> 00:10:16,583 And what a gift it is. 235 00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:18,625 You know what else is a gift? 236 00:10:18,625 --> 00:10:21,416 The gift of music. 237 00:10:21,416 --> 00:10:23,708 ♪ On the first day of Christmas ♪ 238 00:10:23,708 --> 00:10:24,625 ♪ My true love gave to me ♪ 239 00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:27,000 So you never wanted me here? 240 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,833 Uh, everybody now. 241 00:10:28,833 --> 00:10:31,500 ♪ A partridge in a pear tree ♪ 242 00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:32,875 No, I did not. 243 00:10:32,875 --> 00:10:34,750 ♪ On the second day of Christmas ♪ 244 00:10:34,750 --> 00:10:36,625 ♪ My true love gave to me ♪ 245 00:10:36,625 --> 00:10:38,875 Don't worry, because this gift is being returned 246 00:10:38,875 --> 00:10:40,875 to its home in Atlanta. 247 00:10:40,875 --> 00:10:42,875 ♪ Two turtle doves ♪ 248 00:10:42,875 --> 00:10:44,750 Or to his home in the Caribbean, 249 00:10:44,750 --> 00:10:48,250 because I have two homes because I am a doctor. 250 00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:52,500 ♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪ 251 00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:55,166 I only have one home, and you're no longer welcome in it. 252 00:10:55,166 --> 00:10:57,583 That's fine, 'cause I'm getting my bag 253 00:10:57,583 --> 00:10:59,083 and getting on the next flight outta here. 254 00:11:00,708 --> 00:11:04,291 ♪ On the third day of Christmas ♪ 255 00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:06,583 ♪ My daughter gave to me ♪ 256 00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:11,333 ♪ The worst gift I ever received ♪ 257 00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:15,625 It's French hens. 258 00:11:17,625 --> 00:11:20,125 Three... French hens. 259 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,166 - ( whistling ) - You hear that? 260 00:11:27,166 --> 00:11:30,750 That's the sweet sound of nobody criticizing me. 261 00:11:30,750 --> 00:11:32,583 So Merry Christmas to all, 262 00:11:32,583 --> 00:11:36,166 and to all, a "leave me alone." 263 00:11:36,166 --> 00:11:39,125 I cannot believe you let your father just walk out. 264 00:11:39,125 --> 00:11:42,375 Oh, I have a feeling he'll be walking right back in. 265 00:11:42,375 --> 00:11:43,875 I wouldn't count on it. 266 00:11:43,875 --> 00:11:46,166 The Cooper men are stubborn. 267 00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:49,125 Earl? 268 00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,625 I couldn't get on a flight. 269 00:11:50,625 --> 00:11:53,583 The airline said I'm on some kind of no-fly list. 270 00:11:53,583 --> 00:11:57,291 Probably annoyed the airline the way you annoyed me. 271 00:11:57,291 --> 00:11:59,083 This whole thing is making no sense. 272 00:11:59,083 --> 00:12:01,708 I wasn't on a darn list when I flew in this morning. 273 00:12:01,708 --> 00:12:04,000 Hm. That is weird. 274 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,750 I'm sure you'll be off that no-fly list 275 00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:07,833 in time for your original flight home. 276 00:12:07,833 --> 00:12:10,625 - Right, Ernie? - Oh, I can guarantee it. 277 00:12:10,625 --> 00:12:13,625 Well, aren't you just Santa's little helper? 278 00:12:15,083 --> 00:12:17,291 - ( bracelet chimes ) - What was that? 279 00:12:17,291 --> 00:12:20,583 It's just a reminder that I need to go to the store. Let's go, Ernie. 280 00:12:22,125 --> 00:12:24,333 I might as well unpack the gifts I brought. 281 00:12:24,333 --> 00:12:26,250 I've got the cutest little gift for Judy. 282 00:12:26,250 --> 00:12:28,458 Dad, Judy doesn't need presents. 283 00:12:28,458 --> 00:12:29,833 What child doesn't need a present on Christmas? 284 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,750 Oh, let me guess. 285 00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:34,500 You were in the car, you were about to get her toys, 286 00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:36,083 and then you decided to-- 287 00:12:36,083 --> 00:12:38,208 Don't you say it. Don't you dare say it. 288 00:12:38,208 --> 00:12:40,458 Okay, I won't say anything. 289 00:12:40,458 --> 00:12:42,958 Look at that. Look at you two communicating. 290 00:12:42,958 --> 00:12:45,166 You know what, that is the first step 291 00:12:45,166 --> 00:12:47,375 to getting along, 292 00:12:47,375 --> 00:12:49,875 andthat is the true spirit of Christmas. 293 00:12:49,875 --> 00:12:52,250 ( phone chimes ) 294 00:12:52,250 --> 00:12:55,750 "Quit." He texted me "Quit." 295 00:12:55,750 --> 00:12:59,458 ( laughs ) Yeah, but I didn't say it. 296 00:12:59,458 --> 00:13:02,000 You know what? I'm going to say it. 297 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,125 You guys need to quit arguing. 298 00:13:04,125 --> 00:13:06,208 It is Christmas, okay? 299 00:13:06,208 --> 00:13:08,708 So what you're gonna do is you're gonna get your jackets, 300 00:13:08,708 --> 00:13:11,333 you're gonna put a smile on your face whether you like it or not, 301 00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,000 and we're gonna go to the mall and get Judy a present. 302 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,708 - I'm not goin' to the mall. - Now! 303 00:13:15,708 --> 00:13:18,291 Move it. Thank you. 304 00:13:18,291 --> 00:13:21,708 Man, this has gotta be the worst gift I've ever given. 305 00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,458 I don't get it. 306 00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:29,500 If you want to decorate something, 307 00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:30,833 why not yourself? 308 00:13:35,708 --> 00:13:37,875 Merry Christmas, everyone. 309 00:13:39,708 --> 00:13:41,958 Yeah, I still don't get this holiday. 310 00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:45,208 ( knocking on door ) 311 00:13:48,458 --> 00:13:52,458 ♪ Si-i-lent night ♪ 312 00:13:52,458 --> 00:13:54,458 It was until you got here. 313 00:13:56,583 --> 00:13:58,000 ( knocking ) 314 00:13:59,708 --> 00:14:02,708 ♪ Ho-o-ly night ♪ 315 00:14:02,708 --> 00:14:04,750 What are you doing? 316 00:14:04,750 --> 00:14:06,375 I'm caroling. 317 00:14:06,375 --> 00:14:07,708 I'm spreading Christmas cheer. 318 00:14:07,708 --> 00:14:10,625 Well, go spread it next door at the Goldfeders. 319 00:14:10,625 --> 00:14:12,750 They're Jewish. They don't celebrate Christmas. 320 00:14:12,750 --> 00:14:15,375 - Why not? - It's not a part of Judaism. 321 00:14:15,375 --> 00:14:20,000 I'm sorry, did you say Judy-ism? 322 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,708 Come on in, girl. 323 00:14:22,708 --> 00:14:25,125 Tell me more about this Judy-ism. 324 00:14:29,875 --> 00:14:33,416 ( horns honking ) 325 00:14:33,416 --> 00:14:35,750 You know we wouldn't be stuck in all this traffic 326 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:39,083 if someone had put a little more thought into his life's choices. 327 00:14:40,833 --> 00:14:43,500 Wow! Just when I think you can't make everything 328 00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:45,416 about me not going to med school, 329 00:14:45,416 --> 00:14:47,583 you come up with a gem like that. 330 00:14:47,583 --> 00:14:49,625 It's a Christmas miracle. 331 00:14:51,333 --> 00:14:54,458 What I think my dad is trying to say here, Poppa Earl, 332 00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:56,458 is that there are other careers, 333 00:14:56,458 --> 00:14:58,375 careers that help people every day. 334 00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:01,000 My son's a real help, filing taxes. 335 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,833 You know they have computer software 336 00:15:02,833 --> 00:15:04,416 that does that for free. STYLE ::cue(.speaker) ::cue(.speakerTop) 337 00:15:04,416 --> 00:15:07,208 Look, I think what Poppa Earl is trying to say-- 338 00:15:07,208 --> 00:15:09,583 Let me tell you something. I am not just an accountant. 339 00:15:09,583 --> 00:15:10,833 I do way more than that. 340 00:15:10,833 --> 00:15:12,291 The truth is, I'm-- 341 00:15:12,291 --> 00:15:16,166 Also someone who creates 342 00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:20,083 limited liability corporations. 343 00:15:20,083 --> 00:15:24,000 And that is super cool. 344 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,000 Right, Dad? 345 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,458 Right. 346 00:15:28,458 --> 00:15:30,125 ( cell phone rings ) 347 00:15:30,125 --> 00:15:32,000 What's up, Ernie? 348 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,458 Hey, Dad, Mom could use your help. 349 00:15:34,458 --> 00:15:38,458 This thing has turned into an accounting emergency. 350 00:15:38,458 --> 00:15:40,333 An accounting emergency? 351 00:15:40,333 --> 00:15:43,750 What, somebody forgot to carry a one? 352 00:15:43,750 --> 00:15:46,875 Sounds like a real life-death situation to me. 353 00:15:46,875 --> 00:15:49,708 Sit tight, Ernie. We'll be right there. 354 00:15:49,708 --> 00:15:52,000 ( tires screeching ) 355 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,583 Where you going, fool? 356 00:15:53,583 --> 00:15:54,750 The mall's the other way. 357 00:15:54,750 --> 00:15:57,750 What I think Poppa Earl means is... 358 00:15:57,750 --> 00:15:59,583 Dang, Dad, did you quit 359 00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:01,750 in the middle of driving school, too? 360 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,833 What kind of errand takes place 361 00:16:12,833 --> 00:16:14,750 in the back of the National Archives Museum? 362 00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:17,333 - I can't tell you. - Because it's a Christmas surprise. 363 00:16:17,333 --> 00:16:18,416 Just stay in the car. 364 00:16:18,416 --> 00:16:19,750 Stay in the car? 365 00:16:19,750 --> 00:16:21,833 Like I'm a puppy? 366 00:16:21,833 --> 00:16:23,458 Don't be silly. 367 00:16:23,458 --> 00:16:25,625 We would never leave a puppy in the car. 368 00:16:25,625 --> 00:16:28,166 Now crack the window. We'll be back soon. 369 00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:43,458 Thank goodness you're here. 370 00:16:43,458 --> 00:16:45,708 Mom saw two enemy agents breaking into the Archives, 371 00:16:45,708 --> 00:16:47,166 but they overpowered her. 372 00:16:47,166 --> 00:16:48,708 Now they have her tied behind that dumpster. 373 00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,500 - I'll go left. - I'll flank right. 374 00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:52,375 - What do I do? - Stay here and hide. 375 00:16:52,375 --> 00:16:53,875 I was hoping you'd say that. 376 00:17:06,750 --> 00:17:09,708 - What is going on? - Poppa, get back. 377 00:17:16,250 --> 00:17:18,250 - Dad, I'm hit. - KC, I'm coming, baby. 378 00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:25,750 What the heck kind of accountant are you?! 379 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,291 Craig, why are these people shooting at you? 380 00:17:34,291 --> 00:17:37,000 Are they clients that got audited? 381 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,708 Dad, I'm not an accountant. 382 00:17:38,708 --> 00:17:41,625 - What? - I'm actually a secret government spy. 383 00:17:41,625 --> 00:17:43,708 What? 384 00:17:43,708 --> 00:17:45,750 The whole family is. 385 00:17:45,750 --> 00:17:47,458 What?! 386 00:17:47,458 --> 00:17:49,833 Dad, we do not have time to talk about that right now. 387 00:17:49,833 --> 00:17:51,958 You need to rescue Mom, and Poppa Earl, 388 00:17:51,958 --> 00:17:54,291 we know you're a doctor 'cause you mentioned it 472 times, 389 00:17:54,291 --> 00:17:56,416 so do you mind taking a look at this, please? 390 00:17:56,416 --> 00:17:58,833 Oh, my, my, my, my, my. 391 00:17:58,833 --> 00:18:02,583 Ooh, that's nastier than Marisa's elbow. 392 00:18:25,625 --> 00:18:28,458 Whoo! Now that's how you take out the trash. 393 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,458 Hilarious, Craig. 394 00:18:32,458 --> 00:18:33,875 You wanna untie me now? 395 00:18:35,875 --> 00:18:37,583 - You okay, baby? - Yeah. I'm fine. 396 00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:41,000 - KC, are you okay? - Yeah, no, I'm good. 397 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,583 Poppa Earl fixed me up. 398 00:18:42,583 --> 00:18:44,250 Good thing they didn't hit me in the arm, 399 00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:45,750 'cause I unwrap presents with it. 400 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:48,333 Son, I don't know what to say. 401 00:18:48,333 --> 00:18:50,708 What with the kickin' and the shootin', 402 00:18:50,708 --> 00:18:52,291 and the "hah" and the "yah." 403 00:18:52,291 --> 00:18:54,625 This whole thing is just hard for me to process. 404 00:18:54,625 --> 00:18:56,708 Maybe y'all can fill me in at the mall gettin' Judy's gift. 405 00:18:56,708 --> 00:19:00,500 Uh, Dad, Judy is a robot. 406 00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:01,750 A robot? 407 00:19:05,208 --> 00:19:06,708 These two kids are normal, right? 408 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,958 So all this time, you been busy saving the world. 409 00:19:14,958 --> 00:19:17,875 Well, I wouldn't exactly say we're saving the world. 410 00:19:17,875 --> 00:19:20,833 Now, KC, Poppa's talking. Don't interrupt. 411 00:19:22,708 --> 00:19:24,708 You were saying, Daddy. 412 00:19:24,708 --> 00:19:27,875 I just feel awful, the way I've been treating you. 413 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,875 I should've been praising you instead of putting you down. 414 00:19:29,875 --> 00:19:34,166 Go on, keep talking. You got my attention. 415 00:19:34,166 --> 00:19:37,416 What I'm really trying to say is, 416 00:19:37,416 --> 00:19:40,708 I'm really proud of you, son. 417 00:19:49,833 --> 00:19:53,833 Honey, I think it's time for the memory spray. 418 00:19:53,833 --> 00:19:55,875 I know, I know. Just one more second. 419 00:19:55,875 --> 00:19:59,000 So would you say you were very impressed, 420 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,875 or incredibly impressed when you saw me rescue Kira? 421 00:20:01,875 --> 00:20:05,000 Man, when I saw you... STYLE ::cue(.speaker) ::cue(.speakerTop) 422 00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:10,750 Really, Mom? 423 00:20:10,750 --> 00:20:13,208 You couldn't let the guy get one more compliment? 424 00:20:13,208 --> 00:20:15,750 Sorry, but I got a turkey to cook. 425 00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:19,208 Come on. 426 00:20:19,208 --> 00:20:20,750 "You're my favorite son, Craig. 427 00:20:20,750 --> 00:20:22,875 You're a chip off the old block." 428 00:20:22,875 --> 00:20:25,583 I love you, too, Pop. 429 00:20:25,583 --> 00:20:27,875 - Uh, Dad? - Huh? 430 00:20:27,875 --> 00:20:30,583 I believe you have something to say to me. 431 00:20:30,583 --> 00:20:32,958 Oh, right. Merry Christmas, baby. 432 00:20:32,958 --> 00:20:35,875 That's not really what I was thinking. 433 00:20:35,875 --> 00:20:38,583 Oh, yeah. 434 00:20:38,583 --> 00:20:40,000 Happy New Year. 435 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,833 No. 436 00:20:42,833 --> 00:20:44,875 I was thinking something more along the lines of, 437 00:20:44,875 --> 00:20:46,875 - "Thank you, KC." - For what? 438 00:20:46,875 --> 00:20:49,750 - Dad... - I'm just teasing you. 439 00:20:49,750 --> 00:20:52,375 You know it was the best Christmas gift ever. 440 00:20:52,375 --> 00:20:54,875 Thank you, KC. 441 00:20:54,875 --> 00:20:58,708 Please. No thanks necessary. 442 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,000 I don't know how I overslept on Christmas morning. 443 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,875 I don't even remember going to bed. 444 00:21:13,875 --> 00:21:17,333 Looks like someone had too much eggnog last night. 445 00:21:17,333 --> 00:21:19,458 - Where's my present? - Oh. 446 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:22,875 Oh, look at that. 447 00:21:22,875 --> 00:21:25,833 It's just the gift that keeps on re-giving. 448 00:21:25,833 --> 00:21:28,833 Tighty-whities. 449 00:21:28,833 --> 00:21:31,166 Dig a little deeper in the box, Ernie. 450 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:37,458 Noise-cancellation super bass headphones! 451 00:21:37,458 --> 00:21:40,083 I don't know how those elves do it. 452 00:21:42,416 --> 00:21:45,500 So, Craig, are you gonna open a gift, 453 00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:47,708 or are you just gonna quit in the middle? 454 00:21:49,458 --> 00:21:51,083 I love you, Dad. 455 00:21:52,500 --> 00:21:54,875 Here, Dad. Open this one. 456 00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:01,416 Wow. 457 00:22:03,083 --> 00:22:05,875 I gotta say, you outdid yourself. 458 00:22:05,875 --> 00:22:08,375 You do give the best Christmas gifts ever. 459 00:22:08,375 --> 00:22:09,833 Well, you're my father. 460 00:22:09,833 --> 00:22:12,000 I don't wanna argue with you on Christmas. 461 00:22:13,583 --> 00:22:16,875 Well, this gift is for Judy from me. 462 00:22:16,875 --> 00:22:18,500 No, thank you. 463 00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:20,333 Why wouldn't you want a Christmas gift? 464 00:22:20,333 --> 00:22:22,708 Didn't I mention? I don't celebrate Christmas. 465 00:22:22,708 --> 00:22:24,833 I'm Judy-ish. 466 00:22:24,833 --> 00:22:26,750 Oy vey.